I, 15M, haven't lived with my mom in over two years. My dad, 48M, and my mom, 40F, broke up when I was around 11 yrs old, there are a lot of reasons for their separation, my mom felt she wasn't able to live her twenties properly because she was stuck raising me and my siblings and her sisters got it in her head that we were holding her back from her "fun" lifestyle, my dad was working all the time and they were having issues leading up to the break up. (they were never married btw).
Anyways, because the separation was so messy and the things that my mom did during it, my siblings and I did not feel safe with her, so we all decided to live with my dad. Shortly thereafter my mom kicked us out of the house we grew up in and we were essentially homeless for almost month while my dad was looking for a house we could live in and this was during quarantine or before it, I'm not really sure as my memories foggy during that time.
Luckily my dad was able to find a house and we've been staying here ever since, it's only about 40 minutes away from where we used to live and where my mom lives. The aftermath of the breakup was very stressful and impacted my family a lot. I will refer to my mother as Vivian (not her real name) from this point forward. Eventually I cut off all contact I had with her, and I told my dad that until she apologized to me and my siblings for what she's done, I would not speak to her at all. It really didn't change much considering she never reached out anyways.
Now onto the problem. Vivian sometimes likes to show up at our house, despite me and my siblings protests my dad still invites her over just so she could prove to her parents that she's a "good mom" even though she doesn't talk to me and my older brothers (she only speaks to my little sister) and hasn't paid an ounce of child support considering she's had multiple well-paying jobs since and is a nurse now. During all of these visits Vivian and my dad would fight in some way because of her addiction (I forgot to add that she's been addicted to drugs and alcohol ever since we left, but since her new job as a nurse I'm not sure if she's been sober or not) and leave on worse terms than before.
During one of these times which was the last time and why I'm coming on here, my dad and Vivian started yelling at each other and I was afraid it would get violent (it has gotten before, Vivian was the one getting physical) so I brought my little sister to my room and comforted her before going back out the kitchen where they were and recording just in case the cops were called, while she was packing up and leaving I yelled at her to never come back, which she retorted "yeah I won't". After she left, I went back into my room to comfort my, at this point, crying baby sister. I was honestly very upset myself and felt like crying but my sister needed me, and I had to be strong for her. After cooling down I sent a long text to my grandma (Vivians's mom) and detailed what happened so Vivian couldn't twist it into a sob story. I don't think she got the message and, just a theory, I'm pretty sure Vivian blocked me from her mom's phone. May not be true but it's something she would do. Anyway after, Vivian sent a barrage of messages to my dad stating how "disrespectful" I was to her even though she disrespected us in our own home by being high and drunk.
I don't think I was the jerk in this situation, but I want to hear other people's perspective. I apologize if my writing seems messy and I will answer any questions if needed. Any advice is appreciated.

I don’t know what I expected. For most of my life I had one idea about professors and I suppose I was very naive. I’ve been talked down to, ignored, had letters of recommendation sent late or not at all, some don’t know how to work the software suite provided by our school, and the email battle is unreal. One peer of mine said that they sometimes have to email a professor 3 times a day for a week to get a response and that’s as their research assistant. As TA I’ve learned that they rarely look at written submissions and that’s why my feedback always seemed shallow and uninspiring. Students are referred to by one professor as “the enemy.”
It just made me sad. I think had a child’s perspective of how intelligent and influential they were. Now I can’t see myself working with them beyond undergrad stuff. I don’t know. I think I just wanted to say that I’m very disappointed and my view of academia has changed recently. I used to think people were just being sensitive and butt-hurt about normal workplace stuff. How wrong I was… this is genuinely unpleasant. I love researching and writing. I’m traveling with professors and presenting alongside them. Some don’t even do two weeks worth of research before presenting a “paper” or “potential research topic.” The worst is how they blow so much smoke and jerk me off…
Ok, I’m sorry. That’s my current view of things.

I used to struggle with very bad sleep habits and poor sleep quality. I would toss and turn for hours every night and could not clear my mind. This lack of sleep began taking a toll on my physical and mental health a lot.
I then realized that part of my problem was how much I used to stay on my bed. Scroll through my phone? On my bed. Study? On my bed. Write papers? On my bed. Eat snacks? On my bed. I started to associate everything about being awake and productive with my bed
I think it's really important for people to practice sleep hygiene. Your bed should only be used for sleep and good times.
Make your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet every time you go to sleep (invest in blackout curtains!). Putting away electronics (in my case, my phone and computer) an hour before bedtime really helps!

"Annapolis, Nov. 28th, 1783
My Dear Patsy
After four days' journey, I arrived here without any accident, and in as good health as when I left Philadelphia. The conviction that you would be more improved in the situation I have placed you than if still with me, has solaced me on my parting with you, which my love for you had rendered a difficult thing. The acquirements which I hope you will make under the tutors I have provided for you will render you more worthy of my love; and if they cannot increase it, they will prevent its diminution.
Consider the good lady who has taken you under her roof. . . as your mother, as the only person to whom, since the loss with which heaven has been pleased to afflict you, you can now look up.
With respect to the distribution of your time, the following is what I should approve: From 8. to 10. o'clock practise music. From 10. to 1. dance one day and draw another. From 1. to 2. draw on the day you dance, and write a letter next day. From 3. to 4. read French. From 4. to 5. exercise yourself in music. From 5. till bedtime, read English, write, &c.
..I expect you will write me by every post. Inform me what books you read, what tunes you learn, and inclose me your best copy of every lesson in drawing. Write also one letter a week either to your Aunt Eppes, your Aunt Skipworth, your Aunt Carr, or the little lady from whom I now enclose a letter. . . . Take care that you never spell a word wrong. Always before you write a word, consider how it is spelt, and, if you do not remember it, turn to a dictionary. It produces great praise to a lady to spell well...
If you love me, then strive to be good under every situation and to all living creatures, and to acquire those accomplishments which I have put in your power, and which will go far towards ensuring you the warmest love of your affectionate father,
Th. Jefferson
P. S. - keep my letters and read them at times, that you may always have present in your mind those things which will endear you to me.
One month later, Jefferson again writes his daughter... Annapolis, Dec. 22, 1783
My Dear Patsy
I hoped before this to have received letters from you regularly and weekly by the post, and also to have had a letter to forward from you to one of your aunts as I desired in my letter of Nov. 28th. I am afraid you do not comply with my desires expressed in that letter. Your not writing to me every week is one instance, and your having never sent me any of your copies of Mr. Simitiere's drawing lessons is another. I shall be very much mortified and disappointed if you become inattentive to my wishes and particularly to the directions of that letter which I meant for your principal guide.
I omitted in that letter to advise you on the subject of dress, which I know you are a little apt to neglect. I do not wish you to be gayly clothed at this time of life, but that your wear should be fine of its kind. But above all things and at all times let your clothes be neat, whole, and properly put on. Do not fancy you must wear them till the dirt is visible to the eye. . .. Some ladies think they may. . . be loose and negligent of their dress in the morning. But be you, from the moment you rise till you go to bed, as cleanly and properly dressed as at the hours of dinner or tea.
A lady who has been seen as a sloven. . . in the morning, will never efface the impression she has made, with all the dress and pageantry she can afterwards involve herself in. Nothing is so disgusting to men as a want of cleanliness and delicacy in women. I hope, therefore, the moment you rise from bed, your first work will be to dress yourself in such style, as that you may be seen by any gentleman without his being able to discover a pin amiss, or any other circumstance of neatness wanting...
Present my compliments to . . . Mrs. Hopkinson whose health and happiness I have much at heart. I hope you are obedient and respectful to her in every circumstance and that your manners will be such as to engage her affections. I am my Dear Patsy, yours sincerely & affectionately,
Th. Jefferson"

I can't help myself.
Pen to paper as it were.
In another time, another frame of reality, perhaps I am haunched over a desk; quill in hand and page before me.
But here and now it is a notepad document. Text on my screen that I cannot help but watch appear. I am in control, I know it, but my hands are moving to the keys I do not see, typing words I know not what to expect. So here I find myself, on a journey into the ink as it is. Where I shall find myself I cannot say.
I lift my lantern, have I a lantern? Here I do, I must, for I lift it now to inspect the walls around me. A small chamber, old, very old. Is it stone? yes, but I cannot tell what kind. It is not the walls of a cave, there are pieces; panels cut rectangular and hewn in place. It is not brick and mortar as there is no mortar and the pieces are far far too large. Sandstone is rough, perhaps porous? But not this. Nor is it cool or warm to the touch. I touch the wall lit by the orange light of my lantern and all I feel is the hard surface, as if I touch an edge that bears not the concept of temperature or texture, a panel alien and perfect yet not even what could be called smooth.
Enough of the wall itself, about the room I spy; it is a basic place, no wider than three strides at its length and two at width. One door leads out, the wall opposite the door bearing a mark, a symbol I have never seen before yet know well; A crow, head? full? I cannot tell, I am here but not here. The crow is inside a circle that is itself a hole amid a gear. This particular variant is akin to the symbol I use to mark my creative works but it is not *my* symbol; the one I made myself. Familiar, and in reference to that mark yes, but not the same.
The door. A thin wooden door bearing no handle but a plate of stone? metal? the strange wall material on one side of it. The panel is rectangular, perfectly sized for my hand to rest against, placed at the natural height for me to reach out and; push.
The door swings open and the light of the lantern floods out beyond. I don't remember pushing the door, I had intended to, but that would need the hand that holds aloft my light. The light that spreads out into the dark hallway beyond. Whatever makes the walls marrs the floor as well. The only difference being the new walls beyond. I look into a chamber with so much to note and only so far the light will reach. Three paces from the door begin the bookshelves, cases twice my height made of wood and filled with ancient tomes, many dusted and faded from- I keep expecting the word centuries to come next but it refused. The dusty and faded tomes are ancient yes, but only by their decades. The true walls of this place rise to my hips and then slant back toward the room I exited, stairs on either side of my door ascending to the floor above and themselves nestled between other doors inset on either side of my own.
It is a cold, dark, and silent place. A place with not even the howling wind, but the cold is comforting, a chilling peace that brings a misty breath I'd not enjoyed since childhood. And so, by the orange light of my lantern I begin along the passage between shelves, the aisle of memories; forgotten but dear. At the junction of the aisle I find myself almost crossing a street, an alley between rows of bookshelves, decorated in the middle by writing desks of days gone by, scattered with leaflets; tiny single pages that flitter in an absent breeze from table to table back and forth. I abandon the row I found myself from, I need not even mark which it was. If I wish to return, I will know the way. I turn into the alley and set out.
The sound of creaking boards echoes overhead, and the occassional thump of something dropping to the ground. Each aisle I pass has a different length, some only one bookcase deep, no more than two good strides necessary to plumb its depths, while others bear a foreboding and intense darkness, a gravity of absence that can only come from a great ways. What grabs my attention however are the books. Not the books on the shelves mind but those about the floor. The books on the writing desks and scattered about the alley. The further I go the more there are, the more broken and jumbled the aisles become, filled with litter of those who do not care.
Of me.
I didn't care.
And so I drop the index card I carry.
How long did I have it here? How can I know.
And I kneel in an aisle.
The lantern is laid down before me and I reach out for the books. Step one is to at least put them on the right shelves. To get those left in the alley back into the right neighbourhoods before I can properly arrange them.
A thousand books donated. Ten Thousand.
All scattered haphazardly.
Some are in their right halls.
But duplicates unnecessary. Added, Given, simply because it was the act that mattered. The act of donating the book was more important than where the book sat, that the book was even needed.
And now they rub against each other. Grinding cover of one to the pages of others. Shifting like a dune under my footsteps and it is truly my fault, my basic, ignorant fault.
So I find myself at this writing desk.
Apologising
The little page that flittered to in front of me contains the words as they have come thus far, and when it flitters to the me behind me he will continue from the words I leave.
I am sorry for what I did here.
The good deed was not but half. An empty gesture lest it be finished.
So when I put down my quill.
When I send off this text document.
I will stand from my writing desk and pick up a few more books.
To file them away properly.

Sa dinami-dami ko nang nagawang love letters sa kaniya ay hindi aki naka amin sa kaniya dahil torpe ako. I have to give up on her, I heard their conversations with her friends by accident, she was planning to "confess" her feelings as a joke/penalty. She lose on a bet. I realized that she doesn't have feelings nor gonna reciprocate it. I have to burn my 60 love letters, I won't gonna give it to her or even read it by myself, I know I wasted my money a lot just to make a letters on How attractive, kind, sweet, friendly, and smart she is. I've been writing letters since I first saw her in the Church.
Nang dahil sa pagiging torpe ko, ay inaasar na ako ng mga kaibigan ko dahil meron na silang Jowa, ako na never nagkaroon ng gf dahil sa pagiging torpe ko and in fact she was my first love tapos aamin siya as a joke? I am willing to spend money, 'cause I give a damn matter with her, Ayoko siyang magutom ayoko na maglakad siya ng malayo ako pa ang nagbabayad ng pamasahe niya para lang makauwi siya nang ligtas. I know this is not OffMyChestPh but it takes longer to get approve by the higher-ups. So, I decided last night that I shall burn those letters.
Unique was right. They were right all of this time. Relate ako sa kanta nilang 'Sino', 'Huwag ka sanang magagalit', Midnight sky, at bukod-tangi. Lalo na ang Migraine, torete, huwag na huwag mong sasabihin, pasensya ka na, kathang-isip, same ground at bahala ka na (zild)
Ang sakit lang kung kailan ako aamin sa kaniya doon ko palang napagtanto na isa lang pala itong biro. Aking niloloko ang sarili sa isang babaeng minahal ko nang sobra. Sobra-sobra na ang ibinigay ko na oras imbes sa aking sarili, ngunit huli na ang lahat para magsisi pa at kailangan ko nang kalimutan ito pero hindi. Pagod na ako. I chatted my bestfriend and said all of my remorse that why I met and gave my all time just for her? I guess I'm so stupid to pursue her without even confessing to her? Kathang isip lang pala siya. Kathang isip lang. I'm still waiting to her that would "confession" to me but I will gonna reject her straight away. To clarify:wala talaga siyang feelings sa akin at nagtawanan pa sila ng friends at plano nilang ipakalat ang pag crush back ko sa kaniya, they're about to rent a camera, i re record lahat ng pangyayari at kapag sinagot ko siya ay sasabihin niyang "Did you seriously took the bait? It was just a joke and sorry I don't have feelings for you." Narinig ko lahat iyon sa mismong bunganga at scripted lahat ng pag amin niya sa akin.
Nasa park ako naka mask at naka shade, I have sore eyes at ayaw ko makahawa sa paligid ko tamang muni-muni ako then nakatabi ko sila sa bench. Nasa likod ko lang sila. I am so dismayed to myself. Nasaktan lang ako dahil sa narinig ko. Parang gusto kong bumalik sa nakaraan at pipilitin na sana ay hindi ko na siya nakilala pa. I'm planning to deactivate my all social medias including messenger, except sa x. I can't believe to myself that I created a playlist for her din. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6iTRLJtVTRWxNsofarKoOm?si=XRpurb1rTHC15Vq-zhhjsw
Para lang ito sa kaniya, binago ko lang ang title.
I might stay in the US for a while, baka doon na rin ako mag-aral or maybe kakalimutan ko na lang ang pait ng mga nakaraan, at patuloy pa rin hahanapin ang kahulugan ng pag-ibig at habang-buhay na mag-iisa.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Expensive_Pangolin60
WIBTA for calling off a wedding because my fiancé is extremely frugal?
Originally posted to AITAH abusiverelationships and OOP's own page
BoRU 1 Posted by u/ParadoxicalState
BoRU 2 Posted by u/Stephenallen1977
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, trauma, financial struggles, neglect, psychological manipulation
MOOD SPOILERS: sad - but generally positive overall
Original Post June 06, 2023
I 31F struggle with my fiancé’s 32M frugalness and not sure if I want to marry him anymore after 3 year relationship.
Throwaway as my Fiancé follows my regular account.
I met my Fiancé 3 years ago. He came out of an abusive marriage just 2 years before we met. One of her absolute abuses was financial. She bled him dry. Made him buy expensive jewelry only to give it away or break it after an argument. Designer shoes, clothes, big house cars… Caribbean trips. you name it she made him pay for it. She also took him to the cleaners in the divorce.
However. My Fiancé is very well off. He makes far over 6 figures almost 7. On top of that he inherited a few millions from his grandfather and his parents gifted him and his siblings also a few cool millions.
So yes the financial abuse was bad but he does not suffer financially. He has more money than he will ever need.
So last year I moved into his house. I do not pay rent but I split the bills and buy food. I pay for my own clothes and jewelry. I have a good job and I can take care of myself. However things have been taking a turn for the worse and I feel miserable.
His house was empty when I moved in. He had hand me down furniture. Maybe 3 forks and 2 knives. He wouldn’t put on the heating so the house felt cold and moldy. He has no curtains, no decorations. His ex took everything not bolted down and he was too cheap to replace it. Just imagine a million dollar house like that!
I am grateful that I can live in his house. It is something I could never afford myself. But I didn’t want to live in squalor! So I bought some kitchen supplies, some furniture… but at some point I realized I was dipping in my savings all the time and he did nothing. I looked into curtains but those things are expensive. His house has so many windows it is crazy. I didn’t want to pay for this anymore.
I told him I needed a fund to furnish his house. He blew up at me that I was just with him for his money. I pointed out all the money I spend on his house. The gifts and the trips because he pays for nothing ever. Because he wants to be sure I am not here for the money. The fact is, if we break up I have nothing… the house is not mine. If I spend all my savings on his house I will be left with absolutely nothing! He wants a prenup and I am fine with that but I can’t help but feel used.
Next to that I am jealous of his ex wife. I feel like she got treated and I am neglected. He proposed to his ex on a cruise with a 10.000 dollar white gold diamond ring. I got the rhodium plated Swarovski stuff that might cost like 100 bucks. The proposal was at a picnic in the park I organized, payed groceries for and slaved in the kitchen for. I almost said no out of pure disappointment . However I am afraid to bring it up and to be called a golddigger. I don’t want to be funding a millionaire’s lifestyle. He loves everything as long as I pay for it. As soon as he has to pay it is frivolous, unnecessary….
I can live like a poor person by myself. At least the fact there are literal millions lying around doesn’t hang over me to bum me out.and I would just be paying for my own lifestyle.
WIBTA for calling of a wedding purely for financial reasons. Because I love this man, but I imagine our cheap wedding in contrast to his ex her extravaganza, will our future kids be able to have some luxuries? Or only if I pay for it? What if I ever become a stay at home mom? Will I have to beg to put the heating on?
Edited to answer questions I see a lot: I know the abuse is not made up. His family and friends told me seperate stories of the abuse they witnessed. Not only did it confirm it, it showed me she was way more terrible than I thought. Like stealing heirloom jewelry of his grandma with alzheimer right after she was widowed. Pretending she was gifted these things even though every one knew grandma hated her guts.
I did not realize or see he is doing the same to me as she was to him and he is (subconsciously) punishing me for what was done to him.
I am not trying to force a lifestyle in him where he was previously happy in. He told me prior to moving in that he left his house like this because he was depressed after his wife took everything ( even the curtains) that it makes him sad and he wants a cozy home. He just didn’t know where to start.
His house is paid off, thanks to grand dad. He isn’t actually spending much on utilities either, house is very well isolated and has solar panels. It is weird to see how cheap being rich really is.
I am not asking for designer furniture. Ikea all the way and I have refurbished second hand furniture myself. I am actually pretty thrifty .
I see where my jealousy over the ex her lifestyle might have triggered some people. Let me explain. A 10.000 dollar ring is insane and stupid to me. I do not want that because I would fear for losing it every day. I don’t need an over the top wedding … however, it almost feels like for her he did effort. Wanted to give her what made her happy. Put effort and thought in it. With me it almost feels like he wants to prove how little he can give me.
He talked about how he would see the wedding and it is cheaper than my actually financially struggling cousin her wedding. I can’t help but feel he wants to demonstrate how cheap he can treat me! And I already feel embarrassed about the family that would have been to both and I will feel like the discount wife. I don’t like to say it but it feels like he gets of on it to some extend. We are almost talking washing paper plates at this moment.
Yes I did discuss selling the mansion I really don’t need and move to a more modest house. Especially knowing this is the house his ex picked. He doesn’t want to do that. He loves this house… but I feel really intimidated living in a house I could never afford anyway. And so many large windows… tjeesh
I havn’t talked to him yet but pauze on the marriage and counseling is a must . I already am looking for IC because I realized I might indeed be too much of a people pleaser allowing him to control me with the ghost of his ex. I also am going to seperate for a while. I am looking to rent something for a few months so I can get some space.
Thank you all for your insights !
RELEVANT COMMENTS
SeniorDay

NTA. - “I understand you’ve had some trauma in your past and I’m sorry you went through that. But I can’t allow you to mistreat me because of it. It burns me up inside that you gave her everything, but I have to beg for the bare minimum. I deserve to feel cherished by my partner, as I have cherished you.”*

OOP

Oomph that hit me right in the feels.

~
moth_girl_7

“I am not with you because of the money you have, and if you can’t trust that then that’s something you need to work on. I cannot live without heat, furniture, curtains, and basic decency just to prove to you that I am not a financial abuser like your ex. It feels as if you are projecting that image onto me and that is unfair.” His way of coping is extremely unhealthy. What he should be doing is talking to a therapist about how he can communicate his needs to you, not shutting you out and behaving the complete opposite of how he did with this ex. He should set some healthy boundaries on how he spends his money, sure, but he also needs to acknowledge that you asking for some financial contribution to the house you live in isn’t the same as his ex demanding he take her on a cruise. He needs to find some ways he can feel appreciated when he does spend money on things you benefit from, and he needs to trust that he is in full control of his money, you have no desire to take that from him.*

Update 1 June 10, 2023 (4 days later)
Originally posted to AITAH, but was removed by the mods. Preserved on user's account.
Okay I hope this update makes sense because I am very confused and not really doing that well at the moment.
Well Reddit you changed my life. thank you so much for all your ideas and insights. Honestly I don’t think I would have had the courage to do what I did without you guys. I went to therapy Took the day off just to get my racing mind to calm down.
Therapy has confirmed things you guys suspected. I am a people pleaser, I wanted to “save” him and I have internalized the idea that any effort and every penny I want him to spend on me makes me a gold digger. I will have weekly sessions to work on me. I realized I would have never taken this treatment from any of my exes. Even though I made more then them. The idea I had to proof myself “ worthy “ to be with a millionaire and not be in there for the money got in to my head pretty early.
I called one of his siblings I am pretty close with and just told her everything. She was not surprised but just sad about how unhappy he was making me. She told me that from the day we started he had this idea that “ I was out of his league”. He struggled to understand why I wanted to be with him and he probably just thought : it must be my money. She told me she already talked to him in the past to treat me better. She was furious about the proposal.
This information confused me a little. I was a little hurt she never discussed any of this before but she thought it was none of her business. She also explained how she and her husband organized their finances. He also doesn’t have as much as her.
I took the opportunity to pack a bag. I haven’t n’t found a place yet but I am going to stay with my parents. I made up my mind that I will at least want 6 months apart to get myself in order. I made sure my stuff was in the car because honestly I had no idea how the conversation would go.
so into the most difficult part. The talk. I waited for him to come home. He was pretty late but I didn’t want to sleep another night on this. Pretending I was fine while I was contemplating all this just ate me up.
I had written down what I wanted to say. I have never been so scared before. I didn’t want to hurt him and I didn’t know how he would react. I took some advice from here. I opened that I was moving out and that I wanted to pauze our engagement. He was very quiet and just sat down. I told him he really hurt me by calling me a golddigger and that I am done walking on eggshells and feeling guilty for just wanting basic things. I told him I was unhappy and felt neglected. I also told him that after 3 years of me showing up for him he still doesn’t think I am here for him, it is not going to happen.
He was just quiet. He didn’t say anything. I told him that the constant comparing to his ex was unhealthy and unfair.Punishing me for her sins was abusive. I told him comparing her to me all the time has triggered me comparing myself to her and starting to feel like she was worth more than me. One of the things about her was mostly ungratefulness. He would do nice things for her but it was never enough. The thing is, he doesn’t do nice things for me and I have to be grateful for the pleasure of picking up the bill.
I told him he was not ready for marriage. That I dreaded having kids with him and live like this. That is didn’t trust he would take care of me if I would become a SAHM. And at that point I just called him abusive and a user. I was getting pretty angry saying all this out loud. Losing my composer and script a little bit.
He remained quiet with almost no emotion on his face. I stayed quiet but nothing came out so I decided that I would just leave. Only when I got up to go he said please don’t go. He asked me if I was pausing the wedding or calling it of. He wanted to know if it was over or if he still had a shot.
I told him I wanted out of this house. I honestly don’t want to live in his ex her palace of sadness anymore. I needed him to go to therapy and especially financial therapy. I needed a separation. I told him I was open to couples counseling if he went into IC.
He begged me not to do the separation but honestly I really really wanted it. I just told him to think about it and I left him. He was finally showing some emotions. He was crying at this point.
He sent me a very long text somewhere in the AM. Told me he was a wreck and couldn’t sleep. He made all kinds of promises. He would go into therapy, sell his house, buy a smaller one and make sure I am taken care of whatever happens. He said he would help me decorate and we will make a home. He again asked me to please come “home”. But to me it doesn’t feel like home there anyway.
I feel very empty and tired. I have been sleeping most of the day. I feel guilty but also a little bit relieved if that makes sense.I don’t know if I actually want back if he does all that. Idk I am a little unsteady right now. I need some time to proces.
I will go back for the kitchen supplies and my tv. I won’t take anything else of the furniture. This for the exact same reason I was unwilling to buy everything: his house is huge so the couch is huge … I can’t take it.
Update2 Jul 04 2023 (1 month later)
Hi everybody. Let me just say I am overwhelmed by the number of people really caring about me and asking for updates. Strangers who care about you is a feeling like no other thank you!
So as I said I left. I am looking for an apartment I can afford. My parents are helping out. I am living with them and saving up.
I am not closing all doors but as for now we are broken up. I have no contact. The first week he transferred a large amount to my account. It really rubbed me the wrong way. It just showed me that he still thought that money was what kept me here. I deducted the couch I left and transferred everything else back I asked for no contact after this.
He has been respectful of it and I feel free at the moment. I felt guilty for my needs. For wanting to be taken out every once and a while. The longer I am out the harder I realize it was abuse. I have an autoimmunity problem and the cold house caused it to flare up. Even after that he kept turning the heat down. He rather have me miserable than pay what? 100 dollars extra in the end of the year?
The last thing I heard is that he put the palace of sadness on the market. I have seen the adds so happy he is going through with that. I heard of his sister that he is in therapy. I am happy for that and I hope he keeps that up! He is keeping his promises so far but I need to see real change and even then I really don’t know.
I am building my own life by myself. Thinking about getting a puppy. If I give him another shot. It has to start all from scratch. I want to start dating again and take it slow.
Therapy is really a good idea. I now know I was just bringing this on myself as a people pleaser. Savior… wanting this man to be happy so bad I forgot about myself. Never again.
So that is all there is to say really
RELEVANT COMMENTS
gurlwithdragontat2

Best of luck! Please never forget your worth again, because others will shortchange you if so.*

OOP

True! I allowed this from day one and let him play his fantasy revenge on me. The red flags were there so early. Loving ourselves is the key to a happy life

~
​ SummerFlip

My question is, did you previously communicate your feelings before just ending it? Did you wait until you stopped loving him?*

OOP

I did. Multiple times. I had a few break downs where I told him I was unhappy especially when my autoimmunity disease just kicked into high gear I told him I was done being cold. Then the discussions started about what is cold and I had to negotiate a temperature setting he was okay with , he would still turn it down behind my back. The curtains were just the last straw for me. He was giddy and happy about all other changes I made to his home with my money I thought it would not be so weird to ask him to pitch in right? I had done so much, sacrificed so much and he still blew up at me? What kind of golddigger pays for everything for 3 years? If I was one I was really bad at it So yes I communicated, over and over and nothing changed. I am pretty shocked he is actually doing something right now but honestly I think it is a little too late. I don’t want to shut the door completely but I will never ever be cold in my life ever again

Financially abusive fiancé : It’s over for good, my final update Sep 21 2023 (3 months after OG post)
Thank you for everyone reaching out to me. I have closed in on a little apartment for myself. I got a puppy.
After being in a home where I was truly loved: my parents I realized how sad, cold and alone I had been. Over time I went blind for a lot of things.
Blind to a comfortable home temperature. Comfortable with thinking about every penny spend. Feeling guilty for buying that dress I wanted for so long that was finally on sale. Feeling entitled for wanting date nights… being treated sometimes.
I started to think about what makes me happy. I love to travel, dress up to go to a nice restaurant. Throw dinner parties, entertain people, think about Christmas gifts 6 months in advance. Have a cosy house…. And I realized just how much he had taken from me with that one little sentence: is that really necessary…
Is anything ever? If you have a roof, food, bed and a TV you are there right? Is travel necessary? Is having nice clothes necessary? Is a shower necessary? A haircut? A party? A hobby? A wedding? No!
I know now that abusers are not per definition bad people. He is broken and he has trauma I have no time or energy for. He got free from abuse and decided to become the abuser. I know he is in therapy and we initially agreed on 6 months no to low contact. But I felt I was certain it was not for me anymore and I didn’t want to keep him dangling.
Breaking up with him was very hard. It made me very sad. I never wanted to hurt him and I loved this man very deeply. I wanted us to be each others happy ever after. We both came from dark places and I wanted us to thrive together. His family told me I was the one, I was everything he was looking for and I felt so lucky.
But we only have 1 life and he has so much work to do before he even becomes the bear minimum of what I needed.
I feel failed. Like my story has a bad ending. I feel very broken and sad. I will take my time to just be me. I hope he does the same. I truly hope he finds the one and becomes happy. Mostly I hope that for myself but for now I am enough by my self with the pupper!
Thank you all for your time and support. I am going to have a little cry in some furbaby’s fluffy fur
RELEVANT COMMENTS
NolaCat94

This is so far from a bad ending. A bad ending would've been staying until nothing was left of you. A bad ending would've been him bleeding you dry and you being stuck. You put yourself first and that will always be good. And to add to the positivity, this is probably the kick he needed to get past his trauma.*

OOP

I think you are spot on. He has said these things himself. He didn’t know how bad he was until he came home to me leaving. He has told me he hates himself for letting me walk and letting me be this miserable. He is in therapy ( as far as I know because I am No contact ) and I hope he does well. I really felt once I was out how much of myself was lost. I went through quite a dark time realizing how far I went for this man. But I am getting better.

~
ZestyLemonAsparagus

It does feel like a sad ending, I get the sadness of knowing the magical ending wasn’t going to happen, of the hope that he would see the light and make the changes he needed to in order to make you feel valued. But at the end of the day it’s a happy ending as well, you have a puppy who loves you and he demonstrated through his anger that he still holds his values of stinginess higher than he holds you, so you don’t have to wonder. This really, really feels like the ending of Inside Out, where a core memory comes in and it is a mix of Joy and Sadness. And sadness isn’t bad, sadness helps us remember what is important. You are important. I’m happy for you that you have been able to connect with the things that bring you joy, and surrounded yourself with them.*
But… please stay open. I know you have joked that you are fine being single forever, and if that is the course of your life, then that’s all well and good. Being single doesn’t mean lonely as you truly know while you entertain in your apartment. Guard yourself against become a version of your ex in the same way he became a version of his ex, not that you would abuse others but that you would abuse yourself by closing yourself off from people to keep yourself safe. You deserve that joy, and all the happiness in the world.*

OOP

Thank you. I will be open to someone again but only when it comes out of a place of “ wow this person is something else” not interested in anything else. I know now I ran past several red flags just because this man could give me the life I dreamed of. Married, nice house, some kids. A life with no worries … but he was not that man.
He has send me letters upon letters how sorry he is, taking accountability. But I can’t anymore. I just don’t want to try again. I hope he does well for himself. He is in therapy and doing his best. I hope he is happy one day. I just don’t want to be part of it anymore. So yes it is no Disney ending. But it is also not my ending. It is a real beginning

~
Ok-Act-8736

He’s now taking accountability? Last time he was angry at you for not respecting what je can do with his money*

OOP

Yep he is very sorry about that. He doesn’t know why reacted like that. He is ashamed about it. Money suddenly doesn’t matter to him anymore. These are all things in his texts letters and phone calls.
But it has been a while since I have had contact with him. Even if he changes a lot now… my question is : why couldn’t he do that then. I got sick, when I got sad and told him I was unhappy… why can he only change when he is in pain because I left? That says it all.
I really hope he finds himself and that he will be happy in the future but I don’t want to be part of it anymore

NEW UPDATE

Some things that kept me on my path during leaving my abusive relationship Dec 26, 2023 (4 months since last update)
I was in a financially abusive relationship. With enough time passing now I am more comfortable with the word abuse. I fought it for a long time because he did not scream at me, hit me or called me names.
He just used triangulation and the image of his abusive ex to use my own kindness against myself and to get me to fall in line. Spend my limited savings into furniture, luxuries and nights out for a goddamn multi millionaire just to have some comfort in life. Constantly trying to prove I was no gold digger by having 0 needs, living in a cold house and buy him everything he could ever want. I never lived a impoverished existence then when I was with a person who actually had loads of money. More than I could possibly comprehend.
When I left I really struggled to keep at it. I was so scared to go at life by myself. To actually have to pinch Pennie’s. He kept telling me what I wanted to hear for so long. Went into therapy, begged me to come back. It digged into my resolve. Made me doubt if I was making a mistake.
A few things made me go on:

1. My colleagues who are more friends than coworkers who knew all my stories into details hugged me and told me they were so proud of me for leaving. Their feeling was so authentic it rubbed off on me. I was also proud I left and I couldn’t let them and me down by going back
   
2. My boss once passed my office when I was working late and he said:” Never give men second chances! They never change. You deserve someone who gets it right from the start.” I don’t know what prompted him to say this to me but it stuck with me.
   
3. My trainer who knows some stories said to me: you gave everything to get less then nothing back ! It is like me getting a 100 bucks from you and to repay you I’ll take another 100 bucks from your wallet! why would you want to take that deal again? He has a debt with you he can’t repay and I don’t mean cash. I mean emotional energy, love and kindness.
   
4. I read somewhere: don’t wake up in the same miserable place 10 years from now because you feared the change you have to make today. That hit me very hard.
   

I have bought my own apartment. I felt like a poor little mouse being surrounded by people who make my monthly wage in a few days! But the fact is I have a very good job. I earn far above average. I am able to have a nice place, nicely furnished. And I can even support a puppy.
I live by myself but feel endlessly more warmth then in a relationship. I love myself way more. I am not riddled with guilt over wanting to have a cozy house. Go out for dinner sometimes. I am so happy I dragged myself out of this relationship. I kept at it and moved on.
Keep going. One foot in front of the other. It is hard but you can do this! I am proud of you!
OOP Updared in the comments Apr 9, 2024 (4 since last update)
The money is gone. I am not going to get that back or fight for it. I even had to block him because at some point he got petty and wanted me to pay rent for the time I lived with him so no way I was opening that discussion. Whatever… lesson learned . I may look poor compared to millionaires but I am doing fine.
The sister and I did get along for a while. We share a hobby and talked about that. But recently I have been official and out in the open with my new boyfriend and she struggles with this. Maybe she was hoping it would still work out or something I don’t know. But she has been one a lot colder.
This man… wow! People say never settle because there is better out there for you… I never believed it. Honestly I was ready to be a crazy dog lady for the rest of my life. I was enjoying being single. My friends urged me to start dating just to get the hang of it… he was my 3rd date. I went against my will and was 100% not into it but when I saw him in real life…omg sparks flew like never before ! I am in my thirties so you would have thought experienced it all… but this??? Wow
He is everything my ex was not. He is kind and caring. Cooks me dinner. Gets flustered but is grateful for gifts he gets. He treats me to dinners. Will not even allow me to go Dutch on it. He has planned and booked dates and trips months in advance even before we were well and good official. Buys me gifts! He is not as wealthy as my ex. But he makes a good living. His income is comparable to mine but he treats me like a queen. And between me and you ( and all redditors that dig this deep in the comments) the love making is INSANE ! I guess giving people give everywhere freely.
So please take away to never settle! Ever ! Trust the process babe!
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ConditionBig6373

I hope you told him off! After the abuse you suffered he should shit his mouth and be grateful you didn't sue him for emotional distress!

OOP

Too much energy to waste on a man who wasted so much already. I just never want to see him again. I hope he finds the help he needs and I hope he becomes a happy person but I do not want to be anywhere near him.
I am so happy with my current boyfriend. I don’t understand how I fought for so long to keep this man.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

How to get more likes on your post
Firstly, do not buy zombie powder from third parties. This is absolutely useless. Creating high-quality posts requires time and patience, and good posts can only get likes from people who truly like you and your brand. Ultimately, Instagram's goal is to showcase its best selves by sharing content that people are interested in. Only through genuine likes can we comply with IG's algorithm and bring truly effective and uninterrupted traffic.
Users can now hide their likes on Instagram. So is the number of likes still important? The answer is yes. If you want to run a brand on Instagram, the number of likes from fans is still crucial. In mid-2019, Instagram began attempting to not display the number of likes received on posts in certain regional feeds.
According to Adam Mosseri, the head of Instagram, this move is part of the company's efforts to protect the mental health of the platform community. This idea is to make the entire experience healthier and reduce user competition. Instagram explains, "We want your friends to follow the photos and videos you share, rather than how many likes they get."
This measure has achieved mixed success: some people enjoy getting rid of pressure and keeping up with the pace of competition, while others feel that they know nothing about popular things. Instagram's solution was announced in May 2021, which now allows account operators to choose to hide likes from the public - either by hiding the count on all posts or by hiding the count on their own feed, so that others cannot see it. But according to the platform, regardless of whether we can see Instagram likes or not, the Instagram algorithm will continue to work as usual. So how can I get more likes on Instagram? The following 7 mainstream methods for obtaining free likes on Instagram

1. Use the correct label

Tags are the key to expanding the audience of Instagram. After using the tag, your article (or story!) will appear on the page of that tag. People can also choose to follow tags, which means you may appear in a completely unfamiliar news source. Surprise! Illustrator Joe Taylor added tags such as "illustrations" and "character design" to this article to appear in these topic searches. Later, more than 1800 people liked it, so it seemed like a good idea. Whether you are using product or service labels, seasonal labels, acronym labels, or location labels, it is best to control the number of labels to no more than 11.

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Cool Carpet - an account dedicated to documenting cool carpets from around the world, of course - clearly marks these trendy, Brazilian made camping chair designers. This is an opportunity to share love, but the additional benefit is that Instagram users and their own fan groups may pay attention to it.

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It's best for you to write a novel that exceeds the 2200 character limit on Instagram, or use a single line of text to maintain mystery and power, depending on your brand voice and message. However, regardless of length, subtitles are a key factor in the success of an article. The great Instagram title adds background and personality, and forces your followers to take action. Don't worry about this part! Take a look at these 264 Instagram subtitle examples and draw some inspiration before you start typing.
Here you are, fiber artist H. H。 Hooks shared the inspiration behind her latest work (yes, this is another carpet. I'm sorry, we're in a good mood now!), which provided the background for her cocktail image and sparked dialogue and engagement.

1. Enter the exploration page

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But how did the brand first get showcased on the "Explore" tab of Instagram? In short, you need a high engagement rate and an active community - and accepting any new features currently being introduced in Instagram's algorithms will not be harmful.

1. Timely release

Instagram does not display posts in chronological order, but its algorithm does support "closeness". This means that in order to increase fan engagement, you must know when your audience is truly watching the application. So... um... when is the best time? Okay, each brand has its own fan base, and based on its unique audience, you can obtain accurate data from the data analysis page.
According to the digital model calculations and various tests conducted by foreign media to find the best time to release Instagram, overall, Wednesday morning at 11am is a very good time.

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Holding activities such as lucky draws or check-in is one of the simplest ways to gain participation within a given time period. The key is to ensure that your prize is fair and desirable to your audience, and it needs to be specific enough to attract true fans, not opportunists (these fake fans may have mixed up specifically for the prize, and if your activity requires enough specificity, fake fans may not be able to achieve all their goals easily).

I (33 F) have been married to my husband (39 M) for 6 years, Eric. Eric had a child (Ted) from a previous relationship and we also share another. We have been together for 12 years.
When we met I was an extreme party girl (21) who loved binge drinking and Eric was a daily beer drinker at home long before I came along. I did not see it for what it really was at the time.
He had his son (Ted) 50% of the time. Because of me, Eric and I essentially lived a double life for the first 6 months we were together. When Ted was at his moms I would go to parties with my friends and bring Eric every weekend and sometimes once or twice during the week after our shifts at the Pub & Grill we all worked at.
6 months into our relationship I was in a dnd accident which was my fault. Through that process I found AA and met amazing people and tried to get Eric to come with me. Our relationship was getting more toxic so I broke things off 2.5 months after my dnd accident. A few weeks later my step-father suddenly passed away traumatically. He was the one parent who didn't abuse me and was ever present. I almost immediately reached out to Eric in my grief.
The reasons were entirely selfish. I didn't want to be with anyone who didn't know my step dad or how much he meant to me. My step dad approved of him and loved Ted since he met him. I also thought that it was my calling to try and be more like my step dad in raising someone else's blood as their own. That's what Ted was to me even before we split, and was the hardest part of leaving.
Over the next 2 years, we had our daughter. I had an emergency c section. Postpartum depression was a real one for me. I didn't think I could make it through many of those late nights. Eric drank hard and worked hard to support the family in my 3 months unpaid time off work. His drinking was always an issue, one time I tried to leave with her in my arms and backed out because I was afraid I was going to be assaulted with her in my arms. Mind you, he's never once hit me or anything like that, but that was the closest it ever got.
His drinking stopped being as much of a priority for a while when a couple years later, Ted's mom had overdosed on heroin but was revived and sent away to rehab. We had him full time for 3 years. Ted had been through a lot of trauma. I made it my personal mission to do everything I could to make him feel better even more-so than ever before.
Shortly after Ted's mom was back in the picture (Eric and I were already married by this time) we found out that we were going to be stuck with a 44k debt of hers that Eric had co-signed on when they were still together. Our shared account was zeroed out from the collections company on multiple occasions when we were pinching pennies to save up for a house. Eric somehow made it go away a year or so later despite lawyers turning us down and Eric never gave me a real answer on what happened with it. Eventually we got a house. Our intended forever home.
Years later we are walking into foreclosure because of many things, but most of all. I was injured in Aug 21st 2023 that resulted in having to have major surgery on my foot and ankle in April 2024 after a long and painful road which led me to miss a ton of work with insane copayments. Because of this, I am asked to sign documents to account for all income we receive as a couple. We were both to sign the documents. The document asked if we received child support, so I asked him knowing full well years ago he told me she stopped paying years before that. He reluctantly said yes and also reluctantly gave me the amount paid. Also saying the money almost immediately went to Ted's moms 44k debt. We were not in a position to talk deeply about it at that exact time. But noted it. I was asked to provide proof.
After a month of begging for the paperwork and offering simple solutions that were turned down. I was aware he was stalling. On the very last day we needed the paperwork I was given it. When I saw it, the math was not making sense. In asking probing questions and repeating them til I got a direct answer he accidentally let it slip that what money isn't going to the unpaid debt is going into his account he uses for his alcoholism and marijuana (legal in our state). He tried to backtrack and change the story afterwards..
The only account I knew of was our shared account and the separate account I have in my name (that he knows of) (Also has $0 in it) originally intended to protect our savings from getting pulled in fear of our account getting zeroed out again due to the 44k unpaid debt.
I went completely catatonic. I saw money go out of our shared account from his drinking and cigarettes and pulling money for what I assume is for his Marijuana. It did cross my mind sometimes the money (which was a lot) still never seemed to add up to how much drinking and smoking I saw happen which was always a problem. Yet, I was completely oblivious.
I had him write a confessional letter, originally supposed to include what I know and what I don't know with what's been going on. With money and drinking and everything else. As well as good reasons why I should stay with him. The only things I can think of (which I told him) were that he took excellent care of me while I was severely injured and because I love him. Pretty sure it's because he was able to drink as he pleased without me walking up on him. He was very positive and chipper. The rest are grasping at straws. What I got in the letter which I'm thankful for was a full confessional of his alcohol use only. This includes dnd with the kids in the car. Neglect when I'm not around, secrets, lies, and more. Yet, other than the drinking secrets there was nothing else mentioned. I took pictures. I wrote a response, took more pictures.
Drinking above all else has been an ongoing issue practically our whole relationship. I've cried, pleaded, begged, screamed in anger, belittled, showed kindness, compassion, grace, patience and understanding, threatened.
I gave him 3 weeks to cut down his drinking or I was done done. He was supposed to stop the day after Memorial Day. After our convo related to me finding out about the secret account. He left and drank. I found out about this a couple days ago. He has been dad of the year all the sudden and has stopped since Saturday. I saw him go through detox and withdrawals. Shaking, hot cold, clammy, profusely sweating, headaches, nautious, loss of hunger, sleeplessness. All of it. He supposedly hasn't drank since and has said he is ready to quit and says he can't do it without me, and that I need to go to AA with him.
I love this man more than words can say. I've put up with so much for this man, been embarrassed, ridiculed, judged, pitied. I've gotten calls from his family saying he fell on his face on the front lawn during a fam event while I was at work because he was so drunk. He almost drove us off the rode during the day with the kids in the car when I didn't know he had been drinking, then got mad at me for being mad at him. I've turned in beer cans because it got so bad while I was pregnant. I've so many pictures of him passed out drunk on the couch over the years with a beer in his hand. For 10 years he didn't come to bed because he'd stay up drinking. I'd cry myself to sleep. He knew it meant the world to me to come to bed.
There is so much more.
I believe in marriage, I believe in my vows. I'm by nature, stubborn yet flexible and quitting anything makes me feel like I've failed. I want us to work out but I'm so tired of living like this. I want my head and my heart to finally agree on something for once when it comes to him. Even if he does get better I don't know or think right now it will be enough. Even if he does get better I don't think I will ever be able to trust that it's real. I'm afraid to have sex with him because I don't want to share myself with him anymore.
However, I can't just leave because of the house and kids. I'm afraid of separating while we are in the same house because I don't want to be manipulated. Through all this I've learned to stay quiet to keep the peace. I don't want to traumatize the kids and have them overhear or witness something.
So now for my question. What should I do?
Extra points if you got this far and if you've ever been in a situation like this.

So you're probably here because you've seen my thank you posts and you've seen me offer some cards. But what the hell do I like? Well I got your answer right here. I'm currently a 39 year old stay at home mom to a very smart and very silly 3 year old who loves numbers. I love to find things to do like writing letters to people is a wonderful hobby, I'm also on postcrossing. I have the same name on there as on here. Here are the things I love.
Hobbies Gardening: I love planting flowers, my husband plants vegetables and I love watching them produce things.
Needle felting: It's a great destresser, you make cute animals out of wool, you use a really thick needle so it's like stabbing someone you are annoyed by while also making a rabbit.
Lego building: I started this hobby when I first met my husband who had built an entire Hogwarts set out of legos, before the actual set came out. I love building the big things, the small things are fun but I finish them so quickly. My husband also does lego comics, feel free to check them out if you can. Federation Star Defense, A Star Trek comic
Harry potter comic
Dungeons and Dragons: My husband is often the dungeon master and he and his brother squabble over their own rules, so it's never a dull moment playing. I like playing archers and random creatures.
Favorite Shows
The Simpsons American Dad Bob's Burgers Family Guy Firefly The Mandalorian Bluey Futurama Animaniacs Gravity Falls Anything with the muppets Stargate Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse are awesome
Favorite Colors
Teal Dark greens Blues Purples I like any color really
Favorite Animals
cats: I especially love calicos since I did have one once dogs giraffes goats or any other farm animal for that matter marine animals Amphibians: Frogs and toads are cool insects except for wasps capybaras meerkats lizards
Favorite movies
Back to the Future Indiana jones (the first 3, the other two do not exist) Original ghostbusters Moana I like most Disney movies with a few exceptions, feel free to ask Cat's Don't Dance Rat Race Monty Python and the Holy Grail Secondhand Lions Spirited Away Prince of Egypt As Good As it Gets The Original Star Wars, though I do like the Prequels The Shawshank Redemption Jurassic Park Forest Gump Deadpool Hellboy Spiderman into the Spider verse (there is probably a pattern here you might have noticed)
Other random things
I love finding vintage cards I can talk your ear off about geography and random places in the world I love funny stuff especially bad puns I do love to go camping and hiking I volunteer with the local history center and do cemetery crawls for them. I once did the Disney College Program way back in 2005, it was fun, but I only did food and beverage so it wasn't my favorite but it was a good experience. Places I would love to visit: All of Australia, Japan, Norway, Scotland, I have been to France but I want to see it again, Barrow, Alaska, South Africa, and Namibia. I have been to all national parks in Colorado, my favorite is Mesa Verde but Sand Dunes are really fun if you go at the right time. My favorite national park though, is Zion. I would still like to visit Death Valley, Olympic, Denali, Voyageurs, Wind Cave, and Big Bend.
Thank you for your time and have a great day.

Context: I met this boy in November 2021 he was my first boyfriend. I was 26 he was 23. I'm a trans girl fully transitioned🐱. At the beginning it was like a movie . Everything I always wanted in a partner all my standards were met. I'm strict because I fear to look stupid. It make sense that after all that time without a real connection with anyone it was finally him. I could be myself, he was not a weirdo(like tons of men attracted to trans girls) his family was wealthy but he was super down to earth he was Romantic during his trips he sent me postal letters telling me about his days even if we talked online while he was away that detail will always stay with me he was accepted to study aboard in Sweden for summer 2022. I knew it was going to be over by then so in my head I wanted to have a good summer he wanted to keep the relationship long distance and I thought it was cute. But everything changed the day I met his parents for his brother birthday. I was skeptic to meet his family since I never done it before. But he convinced me that everything was going to be okay. The night went well I survived I told myself. That was until the next day that he called me crying. His mom did not accept I was trans (he knew about it but we never talked about it ) and told him the worse things about me. Like I was not human like I didn't had a mother that loved me too. After that he changed. I was not his dream girl anymore I felt I became a burden since he had to hide it every time he came to see me. I never been humiliated like that . Then a month later he broke up with me. I always been super prideful so I took the L and I told him I wasn't going to deal with bigotry obviously I was hurt but I rather die before he sees me in pain. Then the next day he came crying to me my house saying how sorry he was that being without me was more painful than listening to his parents. I took him back again he was leaving I wanted to end up in goor' terms. But those last months weren't the same. His vision of me changed. I could Feel it. And the worse part is that those months were one of the happiest of my life. I know this might sound superficial I did enjoyed getting access to his wealth (boats, cottages, expensive restaurants) but I genuinely liked him. At the end I wrote him a text message expressing how I felt about how humiliating the whole situation was and how stupid I felt for believing in him. He got upset and said hurtful things to me but saying sorry right after. I'm a regular time I would had snap back but he was leaving so again for sake of peace ( The last day before leaving overseas after tears we said goodbye. I was preparing myself for the breakup I made him unfollow me from instagram and Snapchat and told him that I was better for us not to speak (I was expecting him doing it anyways but he didn't) n that was the least time I heard from him. After I deleted all his photos, texts everything and started dating again. I met someone cool a month after that brought me the material side I like but I ghosted him after because there was not spark. It wasn't him. So I gave my self a break to heal n I haven't dated anyone since then it's being 2 years ( For the first months after he left I felt's relieved the anxiety and the tension about his family was gone but the more the time passed the more I became bitter about the whole situation. For the past year and a half he came to watch my instagram stories every month (without following me) and I post like once in a month so that gave my heart hope that everything we lived was real that I was special if he was stalking me like that even my friends once and he actually had feelings for me. Hoping he would reach out but he never did. So l blocked him thinking it would help me but it's being 6 months and I still feel the same (e And the thing is I knew he was leaving so it was going to end anyways but it didn't had to be so ... humiliating.. making feel like Im not enough being terrified of meeting someone new .. traumatized Why do I have to live traumatized and they got to live a happy life? N the worse is that I'm grateful for him he's not a bad person I know that . But I wish I car hurt them back I'm just angry I got to feel like this and he's going to live the life I always wanted. It's being 2 years and it hasn't been a day I don't think about it . I still burst in tears. I can't anymore.

About five years ago, I (now 24F) posted on here because I had suddenly become fixated on one of my female friends in the same way that I was used to becoming fixated on guys. I have a lifelong pattern of developing "hyperfixations" on people and even on non-human topics. I've since found out that I have ADHD and that this is a symptom of it, although unfortunately, that didn't mean that ADHD meds made it go away as I'd hoped. My "hyperfixations" on people consist mainly of intrusive thoughts of reference and a feeling of awkward self-consciousness when around or thinking of the person, and of course, spiraling out over why I'm thinking constantly about this person, whether I'm losing my mind, and whether this means I'm in love with them (especially if it's another girl, or someone inappropriate) makes it way worse. It does seem that these can happen at random, but the last two times I experienced hyperfixation on a guy, I later realized that my brain wasn't just "glitching" and that I actually had a crush on him (these were both people I'd noticed from day one but had been around for a few weeks before the hyperfixation started, which lasted for a week or two until it consciously clicked that I'd been attracted to them and in denial the entire time). Between all the therapy I've been through and developing more life experience, I can understand my feelings now much better than I could when I was 19, and haven't called myself bisexual or questioning since then, assessing those hyperfixations on other girls to be ADHD/OCD "brain glitches" and not the same as how it feels to be infatuated with a guy despite some overlapping feelings. To be fair, though, trying to come out to my "friends" back then domino-effect led to an extremely traumatic experience that (along with the traumatic experience of being with that toxic group that happened to be mostly LGBT) made me not want to identify with that anymore.
Over the last few days, I've noticed similar weird thoughts coming up about a coworker (23F), out of genuinely fucking nowhere. Of course, the last two times I was hyperfixated on men that I later developed crushes on, the hyperfixation felt "out of nowhere", but this is ACTUALLY out of nowhere. She was my trainer and actually kind of scared me at first- I thought she didn't like me. (To be fair, one of those men was also my supervisor at my then-job whom I was initially scared of, but I also found him attractive from the moment I saw him- and sure, I could tell this woman was pretty, but not "like that"). Now, she's a cool person I guess, but I don't even feel a strong desire to be her friend or anything- I'm emotionally depleted and in a very vulnerable state right now so I don't even want to get too emotionally attached to any of my coworkers because I need a break. Twice now she's worn a low-cut shirt and I've caught myself wondering "am I noticing the top, in the usual 'I want to buy something like that for myself' way, or am I noticing her?" A question that I haven't asked myself since that friend of mine five years ago. It's not full-blown hyperfixation on her, moreso me having these thoughts and going into "what the actual fuck" thought spirals, but the awkward self-consciousness was starting to creep in today and I had to use panic attack techniques to ground myself.
I literally cannot express how much I do not need this right now. I've been worried about developing a crush on some guy at my job since I'm so emotionally drained after the last two, and the last thing my LIFE needs after years of serial unexpressed/unrequited crushes on men is "plot twist, I've also liked women this entire time!" I do seem to keep finding bisexual women as friends (my best friend, my roommate, even the enabler of the toxic 2019 group) but never thinking of them that way because that would be weird as fuck, but maybe it does mean something... or maybe it just means that everybody is bi nowadays? I don't even know what I'm looking to get out of writing this, except that I know from experience that the "keeping the weird thoughts bottled up until they go away" approach is the way to make it worse so maybe by writing it out I'll release it somehow.

I met this girl on tinder (we will call her G1). We talked and what not, but wasn’t anything serious. More or less just fun and games. Long story short, i got arrested and got PR bail to a rehab program. After a few days, I got kicked out of the program with some chick (we will call her G2). (We snuck out and went drinking at the bar). G2 and I lived in hotels for about 2 months until our money ran out due to drugs and alcohol. Well at by this time she was so tweaked out on drugs so badly that she would stay in the bathroom for multiple days pulling her hair out and shooting meth. G1 messaged me and asked if I could get her drugs and I said hell yea. And from that day moving forward we never left each other's side, until I got arrested, again, 4 months later.
This was the first time I was ever shown real love. She opened her home to me, gave me food,drugs,crazy sex, and just complete love and care. G1 even fought to get my stolen bags from G2, as she took them when I stayed overnight at G1s house. This girl barely even knew me, and took me at the lowest part of my life and made all the bad I was running from go away.. Well at least that's how it felt, until it all caught up and gave me the biggest reality check you could imagine…I ended up stealing G2s car for a night, ended up in county jail due to driving without a license with a $1000 bail. G2 came up with $1000 and bailed me out.( Side note this was during covid and everyone was getting crazy amounts of money for unemployment, 800 weekly wasn't uncommon) Three days later the whole squad from a different county that I had warrants in came knocking and there i was sitting in county again this time no bail and charges out of 3 different counties. At this point I was facing a minimum of 5 years on the lower side and 15 on the higher side.
Remember G2 and I have only been together for 4 months at this point… However the love and the effect she had on me emotionally was out of this world. Ive never had someone do what she did for me. Everyone in my life has either left me for someone else and or left because of my heinous addiction and the unbearable person I became while under the influence. For the 11 months I was in there, we stayed intouch, called daily (almost…), wrote eachother letters, and 1 visit due to covid.
Now, here’s where it getscomplicated…. About 3 months being in jail, I was on a phone call with my brother when he informed me G1 changed her Facebook profile picture (it was originally a photo of the both of us, then she changed it to a photo of just her). I could tell from phone calls and the lack of letters that something was off throughout the time i was in however she was in denial and it wasn't worth the argument. I needed someone there to help me mentally and she was still answering phone calls about every other day and kept telling me to keep my head up because she was there for me and was not going anywhere.. I ended up in drug court and was getting out (eventually, it took about 6 months from the time I got accepted to the time I walked out the door) instead of going upstate for a minimum of 5 years. Someone from the streets I knew ended up on my unit and he validated the info I knew just didn't want to accept until I had solid evidence. She was sleeping around with some drug dealer to support her lifestyle. Now before I got locked up I was able to move around enough to support our habits as well as relying on government money to ensure we got the drugs we needed and the rent was paid. Take the rock out of the foundation and it crumbles. That she did quicker than i thought. Now using a needle and making this dumb ass guy her bitch she was able to use drugs and waste her life the way she wanted to. Well not that she wanted to because it was the drugs making the calls at this point. I actually talked to this dude over the phone while in jail and multiple times G1 was with him however she wouldnt say a word protecting her lie she was living. As a drug addict i knew this wqas going to happen i just didnt know to what extent. I stopped calling and writing after i found out most of what was going on from the dude and she was still in denial. Shame, guilt, remorse, and feelings that would take anyone down a dark path if not treated correctly ran her to breaking down and telling me everything. At this point i actually understood why she did what she did and believed her.
This part hurts the worst.. I finally get out and it came to my attention that she was still shooting drugs and still going to see him after she dropping me of at sober living to get her daily fix. One party says its because she begged to go there because she was scared and lonely.. One party says it was just to cop and G1 was in and out no sexual exchanges at this point. ( she also claimed it was only a couple times… However, G1 couldn't explain what they did.. I honestly asked the question of what they did due to the fact that if it really only happened a couple times I feel like anyone would know exactly what they did together sexually. Especially for an exchange of drugs and money) I confronted G1 on this and she denied it. I even had pictures of her going in and out of his house from his security cameras (I know you can edit time and dates so he could have been just playing games, she explained to me many times he would try to act like me, dress like me and so on..) and he was even kind enough to tell me his version of what was still happening. I was sooo done but held on because of a super power called love and the understanding of drug addiction.
After we fought about that she made multiple attempts to go to rehab but always ended up calling me on or around day 5 and I would cave and would go to “save” the love of my life from being stranded wherever she was. No matter what if she said she was leaving she was checked out and didn't care if she had a ride or not. Honestly I think she knew I wouldn't leave her stranded. At one point it got so bad I was stabbing her with a needle to get her right because dealing with a dope sick GF while trying to remain sober and follow all requirements for drug court and the sober house was so stressful i contemplated just going on the run again and going to do my time ( I have a 7 ½-15 suspended for 5 years ) .. It was a rough point for both parties however I couldn't imagine leaving her behind after all the amazing things she did for me in the beginning when I was down at my lowest. Not only that we clicked and vibed perfectly from day 1, we were completely engulfed in each other emotionally and physically; she felt like home.
Now 3 years later we are still together. We hit a couple speed bumps along the way and even broke up for 4 months. But managed to pull ourselves together and are currently living together. I can't say our relationship is perfect however I can't complain much because she still has my back 24/7, is constantly thinking about me and what she can do for me, loves and cares for me, we still connect on every level emotionally and are able to vibe out and enjoy life. Our sex is the only thing that I feel like is affected and that has happened in the last 6 moths after we broke up for a little bit however could be due to many different factors that i will not disclose(side note we would fuck probaly 4-5 times a week while we were broken up and i actually got into a relationship with another girl. It was my way to kinda get back at her.. Kinda fucked up but atleast i broke it off)
My question to reddit is was it really the drugs and did i make the right decision by sticking by her side. Personally I believe it was solely based on addiction because I know where the dark adventures of drugs and alcohol bring you and you don't realize it until it's too late and your balls deep in shit you would never do.

Im writing this because I just want to release a little bit my pain.
Context: I met this boy in November 2021 he was my first boyfriend. I was 26 he was 23. I’m a trans girl fully transitioned 🐱 . At the beginning it was like a movie . Everything I always wanted in a partner all my standards were met . I’m strict because I fear to look stupid . It make sense that after all that time without a real connection with anyone it was finally him . I could be myself , he was not a weirdo(like tons of men attracted to trans girls ) his family was wealthy but he was super down to earth he was Romantic during his trips he sent me postal letters telling me about his days even if we talked online while he was away that detail will always stay with me .he was accepted to study aboard in Sweden for summer 2022. I knew it was going to be over by then so in my head I wanted to have a good summer he wanted to keep the relationship long distance and I thought it was cute. But everything changed the day I met his parents for his brother birthday. I was skeptic to meet his family since I never done it before. But he convinced me that everything was going to be okay. The night went well I survived I told myself . That was until the next day that he called me crying . His mom did not accept I was trans (he knew about it but we never talked about it ) and told him the worse things about me . Like I was not human like I didn’t had a mother that loved me too . After that he changed. I was not his dream girl anymore I felt I became a burden since he had to hide it every time he came to see me. I never been humiliated like that . Then a month later he broke up with me . I always been super prideful so I took the L and I told him I wasn’t going to deal with bigotry obviously I was hurt but I rather die before he sees me in pain . Then the next day he came crying to me my house saying how sorry he was that being without me was more painful than listening to his parents . I took him back again he was leaving I wanted to end up in good terms . But those last months weren’t the same . His vision of me changed . I could Feel it. And the worse part is that those months were one of the happiest of my life . Ngl this may sound superficial I did enjoyed getting access to his wealth (boats , cottages , expensive restaurants) but I genuinely liked him . At the end I wrote him a text message expressing how I felt about how humiliating the whole situation was and how stupid I felt for believing in him . He got upset and said hurtful things to me but saying sorry right after . I’m a regular time I would had snap back but he was leaving so again for sake of peace 😭The last day before leaving overseas after tears we said goodbye. I was preparing myself for the breakup I made him unfollow me from instagram and Snapchat and told him that I was better for us not to speak (I was expecting him doing it anyways but he didn't) n that was the least time I heard from him. After I deleted all his photos , texts everything and started dating again . I met someone cool a month after that brought me the material side I like but I ghosted him after because there was not spark . It wasn't him . So I gave my self a break to heal n I haven't dated anyone since then it's being 2 years 😭 For the first months after he left I felt's relieved the anxiety and the tension about his family was gone but the more the time passed the more I became bitter about the whole situation. For the past year and a half he came to watch my instagram stories every month (without following me) and I post like once in a month so that gave my heart hope that everything we lived was real that I was special if he was stalking me like that even my friends once and he actually had feelings for me . Hoping he would reach out but he never did . So I blocked him thinking it would help me but it’s being 6 months and I still feel the same😭 And the thing is I knew he was leaving so it was going to end anyways but it didn't had to be so ... humiliating.. making feel like I was not enough being terrified of meeting someone new .. traumatized Why do I have to live traumatized and they got to live a happy life ? N the worse is that I'm grateful for him he's not a bad person I know that . But I wish I can hurt them back I'm just angry I got to feel like this and he’s going to live the life I always wanted. It's being 2 years and it hasn't been a day I don't think about it . I still burst in tears . I can't anymore.

Same as title, I'm just trying to gauge how much of a mess I'm in. Also how much will senior year grades really compensate for the trainwreck of junior year.
Note that many of my teachers are aware of my efforts and my math teacher is writing my rec letter and is showcasing that behind a low grade on my transcript is an immense deal of work.
My frosh-> junior UW Gpa will be a 3.5 roughly, but my weighted GPA will probably higher because I have 6 Honors and 4 AP's on my transcript.
I'm assuming most T25's are out of reach but I think there's a decent chance at some T50's or am I wrong.

George Carlin famously commented, in reference to the ownership class and banking elite, that "[i]t's a big club, and you ain't in it." There's truth to this. The number of people on the planet who have a jaw-dropping amount of money, allowing them to jet set around the planet, is in the tens of thousands.
The Wilson-Davis Memo (p. 13) says there are 400-800 people on the 'bigot' list.
But I'm not talking about that club exactly. I'm talking about the layers around that inner circle, i.e., the people who know without knowing (note: if you don't think there's anything to know, then please consider pointing out something else in any top-level comment - thank you).
Let me give you an example. I once knew a guy who worked for one of those big defense contractors. I brought up this subject when we were in a private setting. I expected him to either look at me like I was a weirdo or laugh it off. Instead, he got defensive, evasive, and eventually pretended like I wasn't talking. I actually don't think he had any firsthand knowledge, but it was clear he felt an obligation to be very careful with his choice of words on this topic.
I'd put this guy in the knows-without-knowing camp. Assuming there's something to know, he knows it, through personal experiences that you and I do not and may not have. We're not in the club.
Someone like Michael Herrera is in this club. He's not going to be on the "bigot" list, but he saw something that he should not have seen, whether OEM or reverse-engineered.
Someone like Senator Harry Reid would also fall into this club, by virtue of his membership in the G-8 (the individuals who, by legislative mandate, must be informed of the most top-secret matters; the top 2 leaders from each party (x 2 for each house), plus the 2 ranking members from the Intelligence Committees (x 2 for each house)).
So, there are people within industry, military, and government that have had close enough interactions that they know--even if they were only "told" about recovered material by really serious people in a really serious setting (in Reid's case), or where they didn't have any background information about the otherworldly craft they literally saw with their own eyes (in Herrera's case).
Then there are the most trusted people around those people, and the people that they tell, and so on.
Should we go with an order of magnitude and say there are 4,000 to 8,000 people in this club? That may be significantly understating the figure. In at least two of the examples above, the individuals are not drawn into the "club" by virtue of being connected to the individuals on the bigot list. Do we triple that number then?
Why stop there when we're barely scratching the surface of all of the commercial suppliers, transportation companies, law firms, accountants, etc. who get sufficiently close to this project that they know without knowing? There are 1.2M people with top-secret clearance. How many of those people work at a defense contractor and have heard from a credible source through the company gossip mill that something is definitely "up" with the UAP topic?
To be sure, one can define the boundaries of this club in different ways, but at what point does this number become a political impediment to disclosure?
I've long wondered whether the lack of true political action, in the face of UAP becoming part of the official and mainstream dialogue, is that the number of people who already know is pretty big. If that's the case, then that's a problem, as the political obstacle will remain - and, in fact, grow - as this club gets bigger and bigger through the official processes going on.
Take the efforts in Congress right now toward the NDAA legislation. There is no reason to be politically optimistic about this legislation's passage today than there would have been if, the day after Mellon said it wasn't going to pass, someone told you, "hey, they're going to try the exact same thing next year." That would have been unfathomable, yet 6 months later, here we are: in desperate need of a new political strategy.
CALL TO ACTION: Demand that Congress enact the UAP legislation outside of the NDAA process, including whatever amendments to their own silly rules they need to make. We can start by demanding this of the members of Congress who are already engaging with the community (and have now been read in, how nice for them). Then we expand this to a general letter writing/phone-call campaign at crucial steps.

I don’t blame Michelle for leaving a gaslighting, try-hard, manipulative narcissist. Like, having all of Isabella’s toys in the front room for the follow up shooting? While he stands in his suit pants and loafers and drinks some whiskey from a tumbler with his dumb little side table? Clearly trying to manipulate the narrative. Like, no way he lives with a bunch of pink toys in his entryway on the regular.
That being said.
Her trying to jam through a divorce and getting angry that he wants an attorney involved and that he wants client issues resolved in writing considering they won’t be in business anymore? Nope. Nope. Nope. My previous marriage ended in a divorce, and I tried to do it the “cool” way with no friction. Huge mistake. I don’t blame him at all for getting an attorney involved.
They’re both horrible people, and it’s wild how quickly after wrapping her mask dropped. It takes a lot of nasty to make Jesse seem like a somewhat sympathetic character.

Hi all, I would really appreciate any feedback, guidance, or comments. I didn't have a real premed advisor at my school, so I am trying to navigate all of this on my own. Obviously, I have pretty high stats, but I haven't gotten very good advice on where exactly to apply or how this whole process works. My stats are pretty high and not trying to be overly neurotic but would like some advice from people that have been through the process or know a little more about it.
Application:
First-gen ORM from underserved area
3.95 from a smaller state school (only a couple A- and B from high school classes otherwise 4.0 all through undergrad)
MCAT 524 (4/27/2024 if it matters)
Currently beginning my third gap year and applying for the 2025 cycle. I've already submitted and verified my application.
Clinical employment: Over 5000+ hrs. Worked in a pharmacy from high school to freshman year. Worked in an urgent care as a scribe and EMT all through college. Worked there COVID and was able to do a lot like start IVs, inject medications, splint, etc. Started working at a non-profit clinic for immigrants and refugees with a focus on the Latino community in the area during my senior year. Still currently work there as well as at a T20 medical school as a clinical research coordinator in Anesthesiology. Currently in my third gap year of working at the non-profit clinic and the medical school.
Volunteering: About 150 hrs. Got an internship volunteering as a medical scribe and interpreter at the non-profit clinic mentioned above. They liked me so much that they eventually offered me to join the staff which I took because it was an opportunity to interact more meaningfully with the patients.
Research: 3000+ hrs Did research in a microbiology lab. My project focused on a transcription factor in Salmonella that is known to play a role in bacterial pathogenesis. Lead to a poster presentation at our undergraduate research symposium. Was selected for summer research fellowship at T20 medical school in the Dept of Anesthesiology which also led to a poster presentation. Was invited to continue working in the lab as a clinical research coordinator, working on various clinical research projects.
Leadership: President of our premed society for two years - took it from essentially null and defunct after COVID to a fully functional club. Served as the president and did the same for another club that focused on intercultural exchange and language learning. Worked as a mentor for first year pre-health and international students for several semesters throughout college which is honestly how I became the president of the two clubs.
Awards: I received a departmental award given to one graduating senior per year for exceptional aptitude for graduate study in biological sciences.
Other employment: Worked as a tutor and supplemental instructor for various bio and chem courses about 300-400 hours over the years.
LORs: Committee letter with about 5-6 professors that I knew really well, letter from the PI in anesthesiology (he is a PharmD), two letter from physicians I worked with at the non-profit clinic.
Weaknesses: Pretty light volunteering and I didn't really think doing too much shadowing was necessary given my extensive experience working alongside physicians.
School list: (baseline, target, reach as classified by admit.org) median MCAT/ GPA listed
Baseline: U of Missouri (509/3.85), UMKC (510/3.89) (both in-state for me), Western Michigan (513/3.83), Rosalind Franklin (513/3.8), Dartmouth (516/3.82), Medical College of Wisconsin (510/3.8)
Target: University of Iowa (515/3.89), Case Western (519/3.9), University of Michigan (518/3.9), U of Pittsburgh (516/3.87), University of Cincinnati (517/3.91)
Reach: WashU StL (521/3.95), Northwestern (521/3.93), UChicago (521/3.94), Vanderbilt (521/3.95), Mayo (521/3.95), Duke (520/3.92), Stanford (519/3.92), Cornell (519/3.93), Harvard (521/3.96), Yale (522/3.95)
Again, I would really appreciate any help or guidance. Does this list look correct? Should I be applying more broadly? Include more baseline/target schools? Am I missing anything?

Hello Duoduo, the previous letter was official business, and this one, is just for a casual chat. It snowed today in Kyoto for the first time in the fifth year of the Qing calendar. Came earlier than usual. The snow in Shangjing must be even heavier, and weather colder. I remember branches of plum blossoms at the corner of the fence in your vegetable garden. I wonder if those branches have blossomed with red specks to add some colour to the dull white snow.
Oh, how are the ducks you raised? Be careful not to let them freeze to death... It's quite normal here. Little Yellow, Little Black, and Little White are all raised in a farm outside the Capital. I heard that the guys there treat those three fat cats as if they are their ancestors. Definitely won't have problems raising them.
I've been fine, just eating and sleeping. The house has been quiet. My sister is busy in the Imperial Medical Office these days. I heard that it has become a rare sight in Kyoto. Wan'er returned to Lin Mansion today. My adorable brother-in-law probably feels neglected recently, and is a bit angry. I wonder what you are doing at this time.
By the way, my student, Shi, opened a brothel. Business is good. The food dishes are especially exquisite. If you travel to Qing one day, I want to bring you there. Ah, it suddenly occurred to me I have forgotten the name of the restaurant in Shangjing last time, but I still remember that the wine was good, and I talked a lot of nonsense with you. I wonder how much you remember.
By the way, I have read your first few letters several times, but I always feel sour. You are a saint, don't imitate the behavior of those rich families' ladies and try including poems in your letters. Although I somewhat have reputation as a praised poet, I have no interest in correcting compositions.”
Last time, you said that Si Lili is doing well... Well, don't talk about this kind of thing anymore. I have always had a grudge about this matter, and for some reason, I especially feel troubled hearing about her from you.
Duoduo, come to Qing to visit. My wife is also very curious about you... Also, by the way, can your Tian Yi Dao skills be passed on to outsiders? I have suddenly become more interested in your training methods recently.
The snow seems to be getting heavier. The young man outside the house is still chopping firewood. Young people are always passionate. Though I am still young, for some reason, I feel a little old in my heart. Looking at the people around me, it's hard to get interested. I feel tired, and bored of everything... The wind and snow outside are howling, maybe it's urging me to write. So okay, let's stop here. The fireplace here is too old, and it's hard to warm up the room. Although I still want to talk to you, I feel that there is no need to go against God's cruelty... In addition, please help me take care of him, thank you, and wish you all the best.
Wang Qinian, if you dare to peek again, I will let Mu Tie and his nephew peek at your daughter when she takes a bath!
A whole letter of useless chat, except one line: "Can your Tian Yi Dao skills be passed on to outsiders?"
Judging from this letter alone, it seems that Fan Xian is a sly and despicable conman, purposely leading her on, just so she would give him her secret training techniques... 🤔

I have been working at this school in California since January 8, 2024. My role involves collaborating with multiple teachers and supporting students with special needs who have behavioral challenges. I ensure they stay on task and do not escalate, and I am required to record data about the students in real-time, essentially writing incident reports.
Although I am issued a work iPad, I find it easier to type out reports on my phone.
On May 1st, I received and signed a letter of employment. Until today, I believed I would continue working for the 2024-2025 school year.
Today was my evaluation, conducted by my boss, the director. Note that he works at the district office, while I work at a school. I have only seen him at large meetings; he never visits my school to check on me or the other behavior specialists.
Teachers I work with send him reports on my performance (I don’t know how often), and I have never received any negative feedback from them.
The meeting started off well, with him asking personal questions about my wife and me moving into the area and engaging in pleasant small talk.
During the evaluation, he praised me a lot, saying I was doing a good job, working hard, and being friendly. He also noted that I don’t complain even though my schedule changes frequently and I sometimes get assaulted by students.
However, at the end of the meeting, he brought up two complaints:
I use my phone too much. I don’t greet coworkers as much as I should. Based on these two reasons, he said, “The District is going in a different direction,” which meant they were letting me go.
Shocked, I asked, “Is there any way to appeal this?”
He replied, “No, because you were in a probation period.”
I was never informed about or signed anything regarding a probation period. Plus, I have a signed letter stating that I was hired to continue.
He also suggested that I apply for another similar position at a different school within the same district. He offered to write me a letter of recommendation, saying, “It should be easier to apply since you are already in our system.”
In my shock, I mistakenly signed my evaluation.
I enjoy my job and it pays well. This has been my career for 10 years. I am seeking advice on how to fight this decision.
Thank you for reading. I know it’s long.