Knees are throbbing with pain

It was like Amazon. For boyfriend's.
According to his bio, Cam was a cat person.
His favorite food was sushi, and he loved horror movies.
His profile was cute. Cam’s photo looked professionally taken. He was a guy in his mid twenties with a slight curl in his lip that teased the start of a smile. Maybe a little on the pretentious side with the Sherlock style trench coat, though his eyes were what pulled me in.
I don't think I had ever seen that shade of blue.
Like staring directly into a perfect, crystalline blue sky.
Not quite natural, but too beautiful to ignore.
Cam was perfect.
Now, I didn't really think this Hire-a-boyfriend thing through.
I found the app through a link my friend Hannah sent me.
After just getting out of a pretty toxic relationship, finding someone to just hang out with was more comforting than dwelling on a relationship I have trouble even remembering. I don't think I can describe loving someone I don't remember. I have zero memories of him, only a vague sense that I was drowning.
That I had to run, to get away from him.
His face inside my mind is more of an outline, a shadow I can't make out. My therapist said it was PTSD, my mind’s way of dealing with trauma. I don't know the details, but I woke up in the emergency room with stitches in the back of my head.
Hanna was straight forward in her text.
She told me Hire-a-Boyfriend pulled her out of depression.
I was sceptical, though the app looked legit.
Like I said, it was Amazon. For boyfriend's.
The interface was cute.
When I signed in through my apple account, the app required a questionnaire after registering.
They asked details such as my likes, hobbies, and who and what I was in the mood for.
The Boyfriend™️ was a bestseller.
I found Cam on the feature page. His reviews were sparkling.
I hired Cam for a wedding! He was amazing! So polite, I wish he was my real bf :( - Lissa.
“Watched a movie with Cam, and he talked all the way through it. Not in a bad way lol, the movie was terrible. This guy was hot. I fully recommend”! - Ryan.
”Hire a bf is amazing lmao, my friends actually thought we were dating. The plastic thing ruins it tho. 😭” - Mina.
Scrolling down, there were even Husbands™️.
Husbands were more expensive, and could be hired for up to three days.
The Boyfriend™️, however, was only available for 2 hours up to a full night.
The app intrigued me.
I thought it was a joke, but could I really hire a pretend boyfriend?
Before I knew what was happening, I was on my second glass of wine, and my credit card was definitely in my hand, squeezed between my fingers.
In the back of my mind, hiring a boyfriend was a whole other level of dystopia.
However, I was still lying to college friends about being taken. Even worse, I blabbed I was fucking engaged at twenty three. This was definitely a me problem. My initial plan was to close down the app and install Tinder.
But my credit card was feeling heavy in my hand, the corner spiking my palm.
Cam was 50 bucks for half a day with him.
50 bucks I would otherwise spend on Uber Eats or over-expensive makeup.
Tapping on Cam, my hands were shaking. I was halfway through the hiring process that was settling on a day, a time, and a location, when a discounted Boyfriend™️ popped up.
Roman.
23.
Leaving soon!!!
Roman had two reviews, which was just a string of heart emojis and another that was hidden. I did see the start of it, but I wouldn't let me tap read more.
Hey! Isn't this… [REVIEW HIDDEN]
The guy’s lack of bio was slightly off-putting. No likes or hobbies, not even a favorite TV show. Roman’s photo stood out, however. Dark hair that was the perfect kind of messy, freckles, and a far-away look, half lidded eyes not even meeting the camera.
He looked like a daydreamer.
It made sense why this guy was on a discount. He didn't smile in one photo, and not even the teasing smirk I was used to with the others. His available photos were him standing awkwardly, arms crossed across his chest, as if he didn't know where to put them.
But, like Cam, this Boyfriend was flawless.
Not a hair out of place, and if it was, that was the style.
Each guy had a color scheme, and his color was chestnut.
His description caught my eye.
Perfect caramel coloured curls and eyes like melted chocolate. Roman is our favorite ‘Fall’ guy! An enemy to a lover in three (yes, three!) dates!
I had to agree. This guy embodied Fall itself, every outfit in deep oranges and browns that reminded me of crisp autumnal mornings. I think they were trying to sell college guy with him holding a book, and looking uncomfortable wearing a pair of glasses. His last photo was a full zoom in, capturing flawless skin and tawny eyes swirling with flecks of red.
Out of all of the guys I had scrolled through, this was the only guy who looked like he had personality.
Cam was cute, yes. But Cam reminded me of a mannequin. He was too perfect.
Roman’s perfection was human enough for him to feel real. Cam was a Ken doll wearing the exact same grin that people knew would sell. Roman was scowling, standing slightly tilted to the left, his hands in his pockets, and then squeezed into fists, before settling over his chest.
I could practically hear the impatient voice behind the camera.
Why are you scowling? Smile! Do you know how to smile?!”
“Eyes on the camera! Look awake! You're supposed to look appealing, why do you look half asleep?!”*
He made me wonder what the BTS behind Hire A Boyfriend was.
Cam was marketed as true love, while Roman was the guy next door who drives you insane, but is also kind of hot.
Were these guys strapped for cash and selling themselves out?
Was this all an act, or were they based on their real personalities?
Either way, I was sold.
Tapping hire, I chose our date to be in the city park at 3PM.
The app asked me if I had any special preferences, and I hesitated.
“Call me a donut.” I typed. If this thing was legit, this poor guy has a script.
I was nervous to meet him. After class in the afternoon, I headed to the park. It was raining, so already the date was going great. The receipt I received in my emails had the exact location, a green bench next to the water fountain.
I was five minutes early, already regretting my spontaneous, wine induced decision making.
Scrolling through my phone with clammy fingers, I was trying to cancel, when the bench wobbled next to me.
Roman.
Dressed in his usual autumnal wear, a levi’s jacket with jeans and a beanie, he looked exactly like his profile, already scowling at the ground, that exact same faraway look in his eyes.
My Boyfriend™️ was purposely distancing himself, sliding further away from me. After getting mildly offended, I remembered his standoff attitude and perma-scowl was his selling point.
The refusal to smile and inability to compliment me.
Enemy to a Lover.
He was acting.
“Hi.” His voice was a low mumble. Still refusing to look at me, he tipped his head back and blinked at the tree looming over us. “It's, um, Jane, right?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat. “Hi.”
I watched his gaze wander, lingering on a butterfly. He folded his arms, pursing his lips. I had no idea what he was trying to say, before he let out a groan.
“I'm not calling you a fucking donut.”
Ooh, this guy was really getting into the role.
I liked it, playing along.
“It's fine,” I said with a laugh, “It was a stupid request.”
Roman met my eye, his lip curling. He wasn't laughing. “Yeah. It was.”
This guy was a pro.
I thought I'd made a mistake. Especially when my ‘boyfriend’ refused to walk by my side, stalking behind me instead.
He took me to a restaurant and bought me the cheapest option, indulging in the delicacy menu himself, and spent an hour ranting about birds not being real.
I started to realize why this guy was on discount. He was a fucking weirdo.
Still, though, everything about him was endearing.
The way his gaze wandered when I was speaking, like I could physically see his mind jetting off to Saturn.
Roman played with his hair a lot, twirling a single strand around his index. He ate his pasta like a psychopath, using a spoon instead of a fork, and spoke with his mouth full, spaghetti sauce running down his chin.
He (unintentionally) made me laugh out loud multiple times.
When we left the restaurant, Roman surprised me by slipping his hand in mine, entangling our fingers.
His gesture was unexpectedly warm.
When we parted ways, he had the slightest curve of a smile hinting that he was getting a little closer to me.
That’s how Hire a Boyfriend lured you in.
Their guys were like video game characters. I had to pay more to build them.
And that is what I did.
My friend was an artist, and invited me and my ‘boyfriend’ to her exhibition.
I hired Roman for the exhibition, but halfway through the date, he leaned his head on my shoulder, grasping tighter to my hand. He didn't get any less weirder, officially freaking out my friend with the birds aren't real theory. Eve was more amused than scared, immediately asking for his socials.
Roman said he didn't know what a social was, and she laughed harder.
“Your boyfriend is amazing,” Eve told me over drinks, “Isn't he like, literally perfect?”
Yes, he was.
But he wasn't mine.
I started hiring Roman every week, and the more I got to know him, I fell hard.
Every week turned to every day. I was obsessed with unlocking his true character and personality. Each time I hired him, Roman would get less standoffish, his barriers coming down.
He started to lean into me, squeezing my hand, kissing my shoulder.
Cash didn't matter to me, I was barely emotionally conscious when I was entering my card details. Just like the app said, Roman did get closer to me.
Fast forward four months, and I was sitting on a park bench with his head sandwiched in my shoulder, cherry blossoms blooming above us. It felt real.
He felt real.
I can't describe my feelings, because I don't even understand them.
He was the first man I remember truly falling in love with.
When he kissed me, I stopped seeing him as a Boyfriend™️.
Roman was like no other guy I’d ever met. Before him, I couldn't remember having a clear mind. After him, everything made sense. My friends loved him, and I had slowly deluded myself into believing he was real. His true personality was friendly, a little clumsy but in an endearing way, and he made me laugh. The park was our place, and I enjoyed dozing in the sun with his face pressed into my shoulder.
There was just one problem.
Roman was still a Boyfriend™️ which meant he was off limits. The plastic tag sticking out of his right temple assured that. If that wasn't enough, the app sent me hourly reminders, warning me to not get too close. I did understand, it was for the guy’s privacy and safety.
But it's not like Roman wasn't being affectionate himself.
The app said zero touching, including kissing, sexual intercourse. He kissed me multiple times, his head correctly leaning into mine. I still wasn't sure if he was part of his obligation as a Boyfriend, but it was clear this guy was slowly steering away from the rules.
I couldn't resist prodding the tag. “Does this not bother you?”
Roman shrugged, pulling his legs to his chest. “Not really. I like the smell of it.”
“Smell?”
Rowan held out a hand with a small smile, catching cherry blossom on his palm. “Yeah. Doesn't it smell good?”
He was talking about the cherry blossom.
Something about the way he immediately dismissed the tag put a sour taste in my mouth.
“No, the thing sticking out of your head,” I said with a nervous laugh.
Roman blinked, his lips breaking out into a smile. “I'm glad we both like it.”
Maybe he wasn't allowed to acknowledge the tag.
Ignoring my twisting gut, I focused on the sunset instead, blurred reds and oranges streaked across a twilight sky.
It was slowly starting to sink in that Roman was not mine.
“I love you,” he said in a low murmur.
Something warm dampened the sleeve of my shirt.
Was he crying?
For a moment, my words were tangled in my throat.
“I think I love you too.” I said, my cheeks heating up.
“Mm.” he sighed, and I was trying to ignore how wet my sleeve was getting. “I told you I would come back,” he snuggled into my shoulder, and that wetness was dripping down the bare skin of my arm. When he nestled his face in my neck, I smelled it, a tangy, metallic scent tickling the back of my nose.
Blood.
Twisting my head, my right sleeve was drenched with startling red.
My neck felt sticky, blood smearing my shoulder blade.
Roman was bleeding. I thought it was a nosebleed when I glimpsed his nose and lips and chin dripping red, but it was leaking from his ears too, rivulets of blood seeping from him, while the guy himself didn't move, still smiling, his head leaning on my shoulder. When my body remembered how to move, I jerked away with a shriek, but Roman stayed in the same position, his head tilted.
“I came back for you,” a wide smile spread across his lips, blood dribbling down his chin. “And our baby.”
I didn't respond, pulling out my phone to call an ambulance.
“Are you happy I came back?” he whispered. I was transfixed by the blood running down his face. His head jolted suddenly, his smile dampening, before curving into a frown. The man's eyes were suddenly so sad, wandering, like he was searching for something.
Someone.
“I changed my m-mind,” Roman’s head jerked again, drool slipping down his chin. “I w-want to be a dad, Sara.”
Roman’s words jolted something inside me, a shiver slipping down my spine.
I dropped my phone, using my sleeves to stop the bleeding. Grabbing his face, I forced him to look at me. “Hey. Look at me.” The bleeding was letting up a little. But it was his eyes that held me in a trance. I fell in love with beautiful, almost unnatural brown. What I was seeing was green, a smear of lime slowly seeping into that tawny oblivion.
“Roman.” I said, louder. “Who is Sara?”
His expression crumpled, like he was crying, a whole new personality taking over.
But he wasn't looking at me.
Roman was looking right through me.
“I love you,” his voice broke, “But I also love him. I'm not ready for a baby! I'm twenty three! What twenty three year old wants to settle down with a little brat?” His eyes widened, expression softening. “I didn't…I didn't mean that.”
I was talking to a memory.
“I love both of you. And I want to… I want to make a family with both of you,” he shook his head. “But not now, Sara.”
Sara.
There was that name again.
“Sara.” I said. “Can you tell me who that is?”
The man's gaze snapped to me. “Sara,” he whispered. “She's my girl…” his head jerked again, this time violently.
“Girl… friend?”
Roman frowned. “She's my girlfriend,” he mumbled. “I was going to go… back. But I… I couldn't… find her…”
His hands dropped limply to his sides.
“I looked for her. But they… grabbed me.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “They took me… away.”
When his whole body shuddered, eyes rolling back, I couldn't help myself, reaching forward with trembling hands and plucking the piece of plastic from his temple. It was like pulling a tag out of a toy. But it kept going, a long plastic thing feeding directly into his head.
It was like pulling a tag out of a toy.
This thing was a long coil of wire stained red, a metallic plate attached to the end.
Biting back a shriek, I dropped the tag, my fingers slick crimson.
This thing was embedded, fed, directly into this guy’s head.
Like a switch had been pulled, Roman’s arms fell to his sides. “Sara.” he said through a mouthful of red. “She's my… she's m-my…” he trailed off and blinked slowly. His gaze found my hand, where I was gingerly stroking his temple. Roman jumped up suddenly, his eyes frenzied, awake, like a startled animal. “What the fuck?” he shuffled away like I was contagious, diving to unsteady feet.
So, this was Roman.
“Who are you?” he swiped at his bloody chin. “Where's Sara?”
When I couldn't reply, his fingers gingerly stroked at his right temple.
“Fuck.” Roman let out a sharp breath. “You actually got that thing out.”
I was shaking, still holding it between my fingers.
This thing was warm, thrumming, like it was alive.
“And what is it?” I managed to get out. “That thing was inside your head!”
Roman curled his lip, his gaze wandering the park.
“Where's the exit?”
“What?!”
He grabbed me, harshly this time, pulling me to my feet. I was still trying to mentally register the tag feeding into his brain. This guy was not the man I hired, violently pulling me to his side when I could barely stand. His eyes were fierce, hollow, a whole other person taking over him. He was the shadow that had been pushed down, a suppressed memory who was awake.
And pissed.
“We need to get out of here right fucking now,” he said in a hiss. His fingernails stabbing into my skin hurt, but the pain was enough to snap me into fruition.
“That app.” I said. “What is it?”
Roman’s eyes darkened. “It's a factory,” he tightened his grip around my wrist.
“Can you help me find my girlfriend? I'll tell you everything, but we need–”
“Miss Doe, am I correct?”
The sudden voice caught me off guard.
Roman looked confused, his gaze flicking behind me.
Fuck. His lips formed the word and he stumbled back, his hand slipping from mine. Behind us, an outline of a woman slowly bled into the shadows.
“You.” Roman’s lips parted in a silent cry. He shook his head, clawing at his hair. The guy let out a spluttered sob, a thin line of blood escaping his nose.
“You're the bitch who did this to me.”
The outline inclined her head. “I know you have the memory of a goldfish, dear boy, but if I remember correctly, you were recommended to us. I even have your consent if you require proof.”
His eyes were wide. Terrified.
“You make us sign it! We don't have a fucking choice!”
“That's a rule break. Boyfriend's do not swear, unless it part of a joke and has been given full content by our clients.”
The woman appeared, no longer a disembodied voice, basking in the shadow of the setting sun, rich red hair and matching heels. She was my age or a little older. Sculpted in a black suit, this woman was oozing sophistication.
She turned to me with a bright smile.
“Hello Jane! My name is Lily. I'm a customer adviser at Hire a Boyfriend. I am so sorry for the malfunction!”
Tilting her head, Lily’s lips formed a frown.
“As we explained in our terms and conditions, the Boyfriend™️ does not usually act like this unless considered faulty. However, it is expected from a discounted model like Roman. He is scheduled to be refurbished in a week, so we'll happily take him off your hands.”
“No.” Roman whimpered. His gaze flashed to me. “Please… help me.”
His head jolted once again, and he dropped to his knees.
“That is also a rule break,” Lily said. “You never directly tell clients what to do.”
Roman’s body shook, his head jerking left to right.
“Get away from me.”
“You are broken, Roman. Allow me to fix you.”
His eyes filled with tears. “Broken?”
“That's right. Broken.”
“Sara.” Roman swiped blood from his nose. “Is she okay? Is she… s-safe?”
The woman regarded him with a pitiful smile.
“I'm sorry, who?”
Roman blinked. “Sara.” his expression crumpled. “She's my…she's m-m-my–”
Lily stepped towards him, and he shrunk back.
The sound of her heels frightened him, like he was used to them.
Used to her looming over him, a satisfied smile on her face.
“She's your what? Come on, speak up!”
He let out a raw cry, clawing at his hair.
“I don't know! I d-don't know! I…”
“Come quietly, and I will rethink my decision to convert Sara’s child when once of age,” Lily said. “The contract was clear. Section five, clause three. Hire a Boyfriend are automatically entitled to a Boyfriend’s offspring.”
Roman broke down, his head dropping into his lap.
“I'll go w-with you.” somehow, his eyes were glitching, unnatural blue light igniting around his iris. “I'll g-g-go.”
More blood, this time running thick down his face.
Lily’s lips split into a grin. “I'm sorry Roman, who is Sara again?”
He scrunched up his face, fighting to keep his mind. “I… d-d-don't know.”
I hated myself for turning away, after listening to him sobbing, begging for his unborn child to be safe, his mind torn from him right in front of me. I felt sick to my stomach. Lily was revelling in every second. Was this the reality of Hire a Boyfriend? What about Cam?
Who was behind his original face?
I should have done something. I stepped forward to grasp him and pull him back. When my hands were on his shoulders, the light fizzled from Roman’s eyes, sparks flickering out.
Like a puppet, he flopped to the ground.
In a panic, I tried to pull him to his feet, before I was violently shoved back.
The redhead nodded to me. “I apologise again for the malfunction, Jane,” she told me, scooping him into her arms.
He looked so vulnerable, a fully grown man somehow reduced to a living toy.
Lily bid me goodbye, promising me discount on my next Boyfriend™️.
I thought about that day a lot. I went to the cops with a report, only for them to tell me Hire a Boyfriend did not exist.
Apparently, I had been watching too many movies.
Two months passed by, and Roman never left my mind.
In an attempt to forget about him and delude myself into believing I was suffering a psychotic break, I lost myself in podcasts. Anything I could find, I listened to endless hours, blocking out thoughts drowning me.
Yesterday, I was making my way back home from class when I walked into a dishevelled looking girl with an armful of missing posters. I already knew who she was, and who was on the poster.
I was trying to avoid her, but this girl was following me. I could sense her steps getting closer, her breath on the back of my neck. Grief enveloped her in a sickly green aura, pale cheeks and straw-like hair stuck under her hooded sweatshirt. This time, the girl situated herself in front of me, red rimmed eyes begging me to stop walking.
I did, coming to an abrupt stop, my gaze immediately flicking to a very familiar face on the missing poster.
Unlike Roman, my Boyfriend™️, this man did have flaws.
Crooked teeth flashing a grin and an oddly shaped nose. He was stockier and had the worst fashion sense imaginable, clad in socks and sandles. This time, though, the boy had a different name.
Jun.
The photo was always different, what I guessed was a collection from her Instagram. This one was particularly heart wrenching. Roman’s eyes were bright and happy, no sign of that hollow cavern I found myself lost inside. The two of them were standing in front of a mirror, his arms wrapped around her.
Whatever happened to him after he was taken had stripped Jun away.
The girl shoved the poster in my face.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?
JUN LOCKE.
24.
LAST SEEN WEARING A PLAID SHIRT AND JEANS, OUTSIDE CAMPUS.
I didn't look at the face that had been perfected and moulded into the ideal boyfriend.
Into Roman.
I stared at the girl’s bulging pregnant belly instead.
Sara was getting bigger.
“Please,” She whispered, her voice a hoarse cry, one hand cradling her stomach. “Have you seen my boyfriend?”
It was always a no.
Swallowing hard, I shook my head.
Sara didn't even acknowledge my answer. She turned and walked away.
“Wait.” her name tangled in my mouth.
I felt like I was floating, my body moving for me. Stumbling after Sara, I lightly touched her arm and she twisted around, her eyes igniting with hope.
Opening my mouth, I choked on my words.
I have seen your boyfriend.
“Jane Doe! Oh my God, I haven't seen you in… years, is it? How are you doing?”
Sara’s half lidded eyes flicked to a familiar face behind me.
Lily.
This time, the woman strutted in a stylish red dress.
Her smile was too wide, too many teeth.
“Jane, can we talk?” she asked, “Woman to woman.”
Lily nodded at Sara’s belly. “Congratulations!” she winked. “I hope it's a boy!”
I had no choice, letting her pull me away from Sara.
Lily’s grasp on my arm was polite. She dragged me off campus. I thought she was going to throw me into a truck, before the redhead came to a stop.
I tried to pull away, but her grip tightened.
“It is quite painful, you know,” she said casually.
When I frowned at her, the woman prodded at her own temple. “The Neurowire is fed directly into the brain to ensure complete compliance with our Boyfriend's.” her gaze was across the road, and when I followed her eye, my heart almost jumped out of my throat.
Roman.
They had cut his hair. He was a sandy blonde now.
His colour scheme was deep blue, sporting a short sleeved shirt and jeans.
He was laughing, hand in hand with another girl.
“I'm only going to say this once, Jane, because you are a little too curious.”
I watched Roman reach for the girl’s hand. They must have changed his personality. Now he was smiling and playful, the two of them laughing. But there was a shy side to him, his cheeks blossoming red, fingers slipping through her fingers and entangling them.
“There are certain men in our society who are born to be Boyfriend's and Husbands.” Lily spoke up, and I realized she didn't just work for them.
She was Hire a Boyfriend.
“At Hire a Boyfriend, we believe everyone should have a significant other they can be with. Even if it's for an hour or two every day.” she turned to Roman, who was wrapping his arms around the girl, laughing into her hair.
The two of them seemed too close. I had a feeling this wasn't their first date.
Lily followed my gaze, her eyes narrowing. “Do you really think a man like that belongs with someone like Sara? No, sweetie. As you can see, Roman is currently being hired by Lula, our richest client, a socialite who is considering buying him as a full time Husband! Now, she is perfect for him.”
The redhead turned to me, lightly brushing my hair out of my face, the tips of her fingers tiptoeing across my temple. She had a smile I couldn't make sense of. “I have missed you, Jane. If only dear Ben didn't get his own way.”
She tried to touch me again, and I smacked her hand away.
I caught a hint of hurt in her eyes, before she sighed, grasping my chin with manicured nails and forcing me to look directly at her. “Sara is a woman who's boyfriend left her. She does not need any more stress for our baby.”
Dropping her hand, Lily’s tone hardened. “If you do not walk away and forget us, I will happily contract dear Sara into the Hire a Girlfriend program. And trust me, you of all people should know that it will be a very uncomfortable time for her. Would you like to know the conversion process? Well, allow me to explain–”
“Stop.”
My legs were close to giving way.
“I won't say anything.”
The bitch enjoyed my silence, my panicking thoughts trying to understand what she was saying. “Or we could make her a wife! There are a lot of lonely men looking for the perfect wife! Look at her. A young woman in her early twenties. Perfectly healthy and beautiful. And she's pregnant, so that's a bonus! Sara Mcintire is textbook girl next door. Exactly what we look for.”
Shaking my head, I was trembling, sweat trickling down my neck.
Lily's nails dug into my skin. “Am I clear, Jane? Or do you want me to say it again?” her lips grazed my ear, a shiver skittering down my spine, bugs filling my mouth. “Pain is beauty, after all, and we aim to create perfect Boyfriend's. I'll leave the process to your imagination.”
Stepping back, I nodded, swallowing a bout of vomit.
“Good.” she pivoted on her heel. “Keep walking and you will never see me again. Neither will pretty little Sara.”
Her voice followed me home.
“By the way, it was nice to see you again! Say hello to your boyfriend for me, all right?”
I don't have a boyfriend.
When I returned home, I felt like I was stepping inside a different apartment.
Everything seemed just like how I left it but the house was too… clean.
Too empty.
Standing in front of my bedroom mirror, I pulled out my ponytail, my fingers lightly prodding at my temple.
What did she call me again?
Jane Doe.
Maybe I was seeing things, but I'm terrified.
There it was.
How had I never seen it before?
With shaky fingers, I prodded the tiny plastic tag sticking out of me.
When I pulled it out of Roman, he knew who he was.
Who Sara was, and his unborn child.
Am/was I like Roman?
Am I a Hire a Girlfriend?
And if I pull this thing out, who was I before?
Edit: I've found hundreds of blood stained and fresh tags in my bedroom drawer. Who is changing them?
I live alone, but why does my apartment feel so empty?
Please help me. I think I'm going crazy.

My health is shit and ruining any peace of mind I might have had. No I don’t want medical advice, just venting.
Things just aren’t good with my body. I have EDs (Ehlers Danlos) and it’s wrecking my body.
I have bone spurs, arthritis and herniated disc in my lower back. L1-L5 is just…..fucked.
I was in the ER a month ago for what was believed to be a hernia causing some strangulation, turns out that wasn’t the case. It’s actually endometriosis eating at my c-scar and has created a painfully mass in my abs. It’s apparently super rare and nothing will ever make it go away fully. Using my abs is painfully, we us or abs all day. This is a huge point cause of pain for me.
My hips have torn cartilage and arthritis. When I move it sounds like broken glass.
Today I have an appointment since my knees are now acting up. It’s most likely going to be arthritis.
I also have gallbladder stones. They don’t bother me too much.
I had a hysterectomy after my period would last weeks and sometimes months. It took years of issues before they agreed to remove my uterus. I needed iron infusions regularly, my veins now have scar tissue.
None of those are self diagnosed, it’s all in my medical file. I’ve had more MRIs and CTs than I can count.
My husband is stressed, I am stressed. We have lots of debt that is slowly getting paid off. Lots of medical debt that just goes up every month.
Every time I whince or say ow it’s meet with sighs. Yesterday my husband and sister highfived after joking that getting rid of me would take away 99% of their stress. They are my support team, I don’t have anyone else.
Something always hurts, I have an appointment every week. Whenever I go to an appointment my husband just sighs and lowers his head, or it’s meet with ‘seriously? Again? Are you addicted to the doctors or something?’
I know he is stressed. It’s been years of on going health issues, I don’t ever seem to be ‘better’ just a base line of what my normal is.
I have a care plan and great doctors. Part of that care plan is staying in contact with my docs and letting them know how everything is going. They are often checking on me and having me go in for repeat imaging or labs. Whenever I’m told to go in for something I’m filled with anxiety. I know it’s going to be more debt and another stressed out night for the husband. No one wins.
I’ve had 7 surgeries in 5 years. The amount of times I’ve gone in for a routine thing and ended up in the OR is traumatizing. My husband is there for all of it. Stressed or not, he is always the making sure I’m taken care of.
I’m the bread winner, I work a psychically demanding job. I make 3x as much as my husband. Me not working is NOT an option. My income is the reason we can stay afloat.
I hate this all, I didn’t ask for this. None of it is my fault I know that. But I’m still the one dealing with it. I just so tired.
Whining over. Thanks for reading.

TLDR at bottom.
One fact to know, my partner has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.
On 4/19 my partner fell in the backyard and completely dislocated their leg at the knee. We went to the ER via ambulance. While in the ambulance she was given fentanyl. At the ER, she was given fentanyl twice more as well as delauded in less than three hours. She was not hooked up to a BP cuff or O2 sensor, and was complaining that the med was making it hard to breathe and was ignored.
We were told surgery was needed but would be done in the morning because we had just eaten dinner and you have to fast before surgery. 30 minutes later we were told it was surgery time and suddenly taken back to be worked on.
My partner and I were never told what surgery was being done or what was exactly going on. Everyone kept saying to ask the doctor and that they didn't know what was being done. The doctor simply said that he was going to put the leg back into place.
After surgery (now at 2AM on 4/20) the doctor came to the waiting room to tell me that my partners surgery went well. As I was trying to ask questions for aftercare, he got into a full raised-voice argument with me about my partners pronouns. I kept trying to redirect back to my questions, but he refused and kept demanding that I needed to use the "right" pronouns. He never answered my questions.
When I got back to my partner, the nurses said we were discharged. My partner started crying and said they wanted to stay and that they were in pain. She was also still very loopy from the anesthesia.
She was wheeled out of the hospital barefooted, in only an untied gown and their panties. They picked her up out of the wheelchair and put her in our car and left us. When we arrived home at 3/4AM, we had to help her get in and she had to crawl up the stairs to get to our front door. Once inside, she couldn't get off the floor to use the bathroom and had to sleep on the floor. Anesthesia didn't wear off until around 5:30AM.
At the follow up appointment with the surgeon he was rude and dismissive. He never looked at the leg and quickly just said to come back in four weeks. After the appointment we called the hospital patient advocate and reported his rude attitude.
A few days later we receive a letter from him stating that because we reported him to his HR, he was not our doctor anymore and told us to find care elsewhere. My partner was stuck in a full leg immobilizer with no idea what to do.
We have since found a new doctor. We've found out that her ACL and PCL are fully torn. We are looking at 8 months to a year of recovery, including a surgery with donated tissue to rebuild the ACL.
We're so angry about the treatment and disregard for my partners health and body. I just want to know if there is anything we can do. He should be reported and reprimanded. Any help and advice is appreciated. ❤️
TLDR-- er doc is a big DooDoo head.

Today marks four years since I talked to my dad. It's my fault, I'm the one who told him that I was ashamed of him, ashamed to be his daughter, and told him to never talk to me again.
I'm a peacemaker; I hate conflict and I always try to do everything I can to keep the peace. If I'm angry at someone the anger never lasts long. But four years later, I'm still so angry at him. My dad was one of my best friends, and I never thought anything could happen that would lead to this outcome. As mad as I was, and as mad as I remain, I think deep down I said what I said to him to try to get him to snap out of it. I thought, "Surely if he knows how angry I am it will cause him to reevaluate his position on things." I didn't think I'd be in the same position four years later.
I even tried reaching out to his girlfriend two years ago to see if his views were the same. She doesn't share his views, but I was met with the clichéd, "We're all entitled to our own opinions," and, "A leopard can't change his spots." I even sent her links to the two posts I had written on here concerning the situation, because I wanted her to understand how I felt and where I was coming from. All she said was that I made him sound like a horrible person (which was not my intent at all; I was trying to to describe what a great father he was, which made his descent into far-right bullshit all the more heartbreaking). She also said, "I hope the next time you see him he isn't in an urn!" My greatest fear since I was aware I was alive is my parents dying, and my dad will be 77 next month, so not exactly young. The pain I felt at her words is indescribable.
I should also note that I have attempted to reach out to my dad a few times over the past few years but nothing has come of it. My mom had actually reached out to him on Father's Day four years ago (so that was a few weeks after I said what I said; I didn't ask her to do that but she knew how upset I was and that was a particularly rough day for me), and he had told her, "I'm the most devastated man in the whole universe," and that he wouldn't attempt to talk to me because I had told him not to.
I'm now asking the question I ask myself multiple times a day, every day: Am I a horrible person? I'm asking this rhetorically, but I really do ask it of my mom, my therapist, and my friends, non-rhetorically, all the time. Of course they all say no, but...I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter if I am or not. I said what I said and I meant it: I'm ashamed of him, and I will be as long as his views are the same. I guess I just didn't think he'd choose to lose me over those views.
To say I'm heartbroken doesn't even scratch the surface of how I feel. I'm sick to my stomach constantly. I cry all the time. I'm crying as I write this. I miss my dad. I miss him so much. But I can't have him in my life if his views remain the same. I can't.
But I still miss you, dad. I miss you and love you so much. I wish things were different. I wish we were still close. I wish I could just call you and talk to you like I used to. I wish we could talk about movies and music like we used to. I wish trump hadn't taken you away from me and turned you into someone I don't recognize. I wish I wasn't grieving you while you're still alive.
I'm so scared he'll die and this will be how things were left between us. I can't bear that thought, but, as I've said, I also can't have him in my life if his views remain the same. I've tried reaching out several times, but nothing. So, what is there to do? I feel like he's waiting for me to come crawling on my hands and knees begging for forgiveness, and that is the one thing I will not do. Everything is just so, so messed up, and I can't believe this is how things are now. I wish my parents had never had me.
TLDR: I'm sad and miss my dad.

My(33f) bf(42m) wouldn’t date me unless I went to the gym, now he likes that I’m a lil “squishy”. Any advice on how to approach this?
When my bf and I met he was really into fitness and nutrition, he was in decent shape and had lost a significant amount of weight(I think he was 5’9 and about 190 pounds). I was 5’2 and about 175 pounds when we met. He said he couldn’t date anyone that wasn’t taking care of their health, so going to the gym 6 days/week and eating a low carb and healthy diet. Which I have tried to do for myself, but I normal do it for about 2 weeks and just give up… I asked him to keep me accountable to do it everyday… he would get kinda mean if I could only 30 min VS the full hour (he used to be a personal trainer if that matters at all). I would go in the mornings before work and then go home to get my kids up and ready to drop them off at school, so sometimes I would snooze too many times and not be able to do my full normal workout. He would say “If you’re not going to at least do an hour workout, there’s no point in you doing anything”. I got great results; physically, emotionally, and mentally, I felt great!
About 2 months into us dating he got an inguinal hernia and so he now cannot lift over 10 pounds… so at first he was continuing to encourage me to go to the gym, but was just kinda eh about keeping me accountable because he won’t if he can’t keep himself accountable. So his diet has went to shit and barely does anything, even going for a walk seems to be too strenuous for him. He’s gained probably 50 pounds in the last 4 months and he’s starting to have knee pain from past injuries and he has a history of hypertension already…
So I’m not sure what to think about him not even considering dating me unless I had a rigid workout routine and strict diet to him actually liking me with a little bit “squishy”Right now I’m at about 155-160 pounds. I really enjoyed the results from working out, so I plan on starting again, it’s just now he feels we are just “too busy” for me to even have friends that he’s gonna make it impossible for me to get out to the gym….

Blind Mike and John Peltier are in studio as Kirk reads a new ad for the Blind Mike Project. (04:30) Peltier is fresh off his knee replacement. (06:20) Steve Robinson is out for Thursday's basketball game. (08:40) Peltier gives his take on the Karen Read case. (11:40) Justin recaps his trip to the site of the upcoming basketball game against Barstool New York. (15:30) Dana Beers may dominate Coleman in the upcoming basketball game. (19:30) Klemmer's name has to be on everything at Barstool. (30:20) Monica McNutt went at Stephen A for not promoting the WNBA. (34:00) Peltier gives an update on Joanne. (37:30) Kirk was alone in his Caitlin Clark take from yesterday. (38:25) Josh may be the greatest broadcaster of all time. (39:50) Pat McAfee was under fire for calling Caitlin Clark a "white bitch." (41:10) Peltier brought a present for the studio. (42:00) Mike gives his take on Mick. (46:20) Highlights from Josh's calls. (49:10) A potential Cullinane/Sellers broadcast booth is in the works. (53:25) Danny in Billerica had some audio issues on the latest episode of 3 Up 3 Down. (58:20) Kirk is annoyed by Boner Salad. (01:00:40) Peltier poses the question of if Mick or Riccio is healthier. (01:01:40) Many are coming out as having been affected by #MutToo. (01:07:30) Barstool NY vs. Team KMS is a pride game. (01:09:30) Empire Strikes Back talk. (01:14:50) Today is the 40th anniversary of Bruce's Born In The U.S.A. (01:21:10) Revisiting the size of stadiums. (01:25:30) The Office Ladies podcast is painful to listen to. (01:30:25) Mike previews what's coming up on the Blind Mike Project. (01:33:30) Female contestants have been announced for the upcoming season of Surviving Barstool. (01:38:00) Jim Rome defends AM stations. (01:42:00) Mick poses a question about using his ex's Netflix password. (01:49:10) Kirk is not a fan of swimming. (01:52:40) Mike and Pelts reflect on their sexual escapades. (01:57:25) Cullinane calls in to talk with Pelts and the potential of calling the Team KMS game.

For the last few months when sleeping on my side I’m(29 y/o male) getting this pain in my outer thigh. It’s usually somewhere between the hip joint and half way towards the knee. Most of the time it’s on one spot but sometimes it hurts all over. The pain usually starts slowly and then gets stronger. Sometimes it’s so intense I have to change position in bed. I don’t know what could be causing it. I’ve slept mostly on my right side for years now and never had this problem before. I’m pretty thin and basically have no fat on my legs, so maybe the bone and muscle are too exposed or something? But I’ve been thin my whole life so, I can’t see that being the cause.

When the pain started months ago it used to only happen once in while, but now it’s almost every night. The spot where it hurts usually stays a bit sore for a little time after getting up or changing position if I touch it, but then goes away. I can feel it as soon as I lay down but it doesn’t get strong until I’m in bed for a couple of hours. I also have a pretty soft bed and when I slept in a hotel a few weeks ago in a firmer bed the pain was worse. It also hurts when I lay down on my side for exercises (I do some pilates/yoga exercises few times per week).

It’s a strange pain. It feels like someone is constantly applying pressure on my outer thigh muscle with a finger or like I’m laying on a small rubber ball or something like that. The muscle just feels so sore. It’s getting really annoying because this is the only position I sleep good in -in other positions I tend to snore and wake up constantly. What could be the cause?

Hello, I possibly may have hyper-mobility EDS but I have not been diagnosed yet. I am very flexible, able to put my leg behind my head, put my thumb on my knuckle, sit anywhere criss-crossing my legs, etc. My twin sibling got tested for EDS and had the markers for it. And I was told if one twin had the markers, the other would as well. As well as it is mostly seen in the Hispanic side of the family and I have a Hispanic father and uncle, who also both show symptoms of EDS.
I have lots of joint pain, more severe in my legs than anywhere else. But some days it can become completely unbearable everywhere too. Though I still have doubts cause from what I've heard and read, people with EDS break bones or dislocate joints, something which I've never experienced before. But the joint pain is definitely something I've dealt with. I use a cane some days, but I'm thinking of switching to crutches as both my legs hurt and a cane doesn't help much.
I have flat feet, both of my feet sticking out in different directions. My knees are already set and if I try to turn my feet forward, my knees touch. My doctor said if I got surgery now to fix it, it would be "Heroic but unsuccessful".
I'm not sure if this is related, but I deal with chronic bathroom issues as well. I have frequent urinary and gastrointestinal issues. To the point I've had to go to the hospital multiple times. Constant UTIs and constipated almost all the time. Thankfully, I've got a handle on it as I have started to take Miralax and herbal remedies to help. I love tea, I love to make my own blends. Teas like Dandelion and Hibiscus help clear my urinary tract and inflammation on my joints.
I love to go on walks on my good days, finding them very peaceful and it helps clear my head. I love to go swimming, as the water is easier on my joints. I've tried aquafit classes and it helps. I've tried yoga, but it's difficult for me and I believe I may have popped a rib trying it at one point. I just have a yoga mat on my floor gathering dust haha.
Anyway, I joined this subreddit to learn more about my possible hEDS and gather more information about EDS. Nice to meet you all!

Apologize in advance for the length, but I’m gonna give you basically the whole rundown of my process thus far since getting out and what my goals are. I am unsure if my steps to achieve this are solid or would even help.
Current Ratings and Conditions from OG rating:

1. Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Anxiety and Depressed Mood - 30%
2. Left Shoulder Tendinitis - 20%
3. Right Shoulder Tendinitis - 20%
4. Lumbosacral Strain - 10%
5. Left Knee Tendinitis - 10%
6. Right Knee Tendinitis - 10%
7. Tinnitus - 10%

Denied Claims:

1. Bilateral Hearing Loss
2. Sleep Apnea (still not sure how, all docs tell me I have every symptom but sleep study never shows it)
3. Vision/Eye Condition (vision loss)

Goals:

1. Increase my rating for adjustment disorder (mental health rating) from 30% to 70% due to worsening symptoms and/or terrible initial exam.
2. Increase my ratings for both shoulders and knees due to increased pain and decreased mobility/functionality. 3. Submit new claims for:

• PTSD (Non-Combat): Experiencing traumatic events and stressors while in my field of work.
• Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Bilateral: Caused by repetitive tasks and heavy lifting during service.
• Migraines/Headaches: Persistent since service, likely linked to occupational and hazardous exposures from service.

Evidence/Appointments and Documentation (This is the area Im struggling to make sure I am good in before initial submission of 526EZ)

1. VA Health Records: I have a comprehensive 168-page VA health document detailing all my visits, secure messages, and prescriptions from MyHealth site, (but reading the notes, it seems my providers half assed the info and it seems like they aren't listening and making it seem like I am doing better.
2. Buddy Statements: Planning to include statements from colleagues and my wife to support my claims.
3. Personal Statements: Detailed descriptions of my experiences and how they have affected my mental and physical health.
4. Psychotherapy will be scheduled soon for a deeper dive into my worsening mental health issues.
5. I have my annual June 13 with PCM and will discuss my issues as well

Mental Health Details:

• Symptoms: Severe anxiety, panic attacks, depression, irritability, social withdrawal, hyper-vigilance, occasional suicidal idealization and others I have listed in my personal statement.
• Impact on Life: Difficulty maintaining relationships and professional demeanor, issues with concentration and memory, and significant distress triggered by reminders of past traumatic events.

Physical Health Details:

• Shoulders: Increased pain, limited range of motion, frequent dislocations, and inability to lift heavy objects or engage in physical activities.
• Knees: Chronic pain, difficulty walking long distances or climbing stairs, and pain during physical activities.
• Carpal Tunnel: Persistent pain, numbness, and tingling in both hands, difficulty with grip and fine motor tasks. - Migraines/Headaches: Frequent and debilitating, affecting daily functioning and potentially linked to hazardous substance exposure during service.

Whole Claims Process so far:
To start, I was going with a claim shark during this process who, looking back not after researching my own ignorance to the type of companies, half tried on my claim to get a quick buck if accepted. (Seems reason I got denied was bc of the bare minimum that was put fourth from Vets guardian and my ignorance for the sup and HLR denial)
-A supplemental claim for mental health last year was filed and was denied in November 2023 (MH rating went from 30 to 70, then back to 30 once I got denial letter). -A higher-level review was pursued, which was also denied in May 2024. I believe inconsistencies and lack of thorough documentation on their part (and mine since I didn't know better at the time) may have contributed to these denials. -I have since stated another intent to file (good till April 2025) and have done my own thing to gather evidence or as much as I can before continuing to submitting the initial claim request. Besides my buddy statements/personal statement and the info on MyHealth site i got nothing else to present and I am unsure if that is good or not. My insurance also sucks so if I did want to go to a normal doc, I will be billed 400+ a visit, not to mention the actions of the visit so idk what to do for best options and results.
I am looking to take my overall rating from 70 to 100, and based on my issues I know it is possible, hard but possible. I would love any input or help from the stage I am at, should I just submit what I have and wait for the exams to be scheduled or wait? Also am I trying to claim new shit that wont even matter in the end?
I have redacted versions of all my VA stuff too if anyone needs to put eyes on it

First
Lori sat next to her designated ward. Having been the one looking after the VIP when they had jettisoned off ship and subsequently been towed to the Titan 7, she had been asked to stay with her until Miss Vali's team could compile enough data on the VIP's condition to feel safe administering the U.S.A.'s personal nanites. When she had asked the healer's with the red "+" why they needed her to stay with the young Orion woman, one of them had answered, "We wouldn't want her to wake up surrounded by 'aliens' she wasn't familiar with. Your the same species as her, so hopefully she won't panic if she recovers enough to regain consciousness." Which had made perfect sense to Lori. So they had assigned the VIP to the bunk under her and moved them both closer to the medical bay.
Three days had passed since they had come to the Sol system. Her group of refugees had been informed at dinner the night prior that Mars Station had agreed to house any Orion's that wished to stay there until the Habitat Dome had been moved into a orbit and anchored to an astroid and retrofitted to her people's 7.1 G's and oxygen levels appropriate for her species. They had all been astonished that in less than a galactic week multiple organizations, businesses, and corporations seemed to jump at the opportunity to help her people. They weren't naive, they knew that those companies and organizations were getting something in return but it was help when they needed it the most and that meant a lot to the Orion's. And whatever a "tax break" was Lori was extremely glad it was apparently important. Of course there was average people that wanted to help to. She immediately thought about Tim, and her eyes flicked to his "jacket" was tossed over her open locker door. His smell was almost intoxicating to her and she couldn't figure out why.
She had gotten chilly the second night when after dinner in the mess hall he had asked her if she wanted to see something amazing. She had been hesitant, but after thinking about it, she had decided it would be nice to see more of the massive ship she had seen so little of. So after some talking Tim had managed to secure permission to escort her to view some of the bottom levels. The Titan 7 was a truly massive ship and she had gotten to see and interact with many of the U.S. Alliance species as they made their way through those bottom levels. And then he had opened a door to a jungle! She was amazed to find living plants in such an abundance on a ship in space. Tim had called it an Astrobotony Lab. It didn't look like any lab Lori had ever seen, more like a garden or a lush park! The sprinklers had decided it was time to give the plants near them a mist and she had found herself shivering from the cool damp air. Without hesitating he had pulled his jacket off and placed it around her shoulders. Her ears twitched at the delightful memory.
She hadn't slept after she returned to her room. Instead her interaction with Tim had sparked even more curiosity as to who these people were. And the drive to find out had caused her to search her data chit for human history and had found multiple documentaries about everything from the ancient era where humans killed each other with stick's and stones to their two world wars in their twentieth century. The colonizing of Earth's moon and Mars through their teriforming age that saw Proxima Centauri B, the Cerberus systems, and many many others slowly changed into simi earth like planets. Then the Colony wars had fractured the humans into multiple sects and nations and for nearly fifty cycles the entirety of human territory fought amongst themselves. This would end with the eventual formation of two fractions.
The Confederation of Unified Governments (CUG) and the Free People's Republic of Earth (FPRE). They both controlled roughly half the human systems and though they never technically went to war a technological competition began. During the next twenty cycles they would develop numerous groundbreaking technology including the personal nanites everyone receives upon entering Sol systems and their "Blink Drive" which she found out doesn't use FTL Gates! The humans only had Gates so everyone else could trade with them. They didn't need them to travel.... anywhere, any distance, they just had to KNOW where to go, type the coordinates in and they FOLDED space and blinked to the location! Of course a human ship had to have visited that location prior for the system to work and that still required the old fashioned long haul exploration voyages. Everything was looking pretty good for humanity and then a race of giant lizard people called the Gurgaxians had invaded the CUG's outer frontier colonies and began moving closer to the CUG'S inner more populated planets. The Gurgaxians, in a rash decision by the general in charge of the invasion, ordered all the humans to be "put to the knife " and the images the documentary showed caught by a passing FPRE spy satellite made her blood run cold and she had been glad she had "accidentally" kept Tim's jacket. She still shivered seeing the brutality of millions of innocent civilians being butchered en mass.
The Gurgaxians were nearly exterminated, and that was the words the documentary had used! The humans found a way to change the very air into a weapon by releasing a compound in the upper atmosphere. This caused the air on those planets to become deadly to anything NOT human. But, the humans didn't stop there! Once they had taken the systems captured by the Gurgaxians, the humans had struck hard, and fast into the very core systems and managed to glass the seven largest planets killing hundreds of billions. A monument still floats in the void where Carinaxx 3 once orbited it's sun. Once the Gurgaxians were defeated a short war called the Unification War was lost by both the CUG and FPRE as the United Sol Alliance was formed in the vacuum left by both sides effectively imploding.
And a good thing too, because the next species the humans had ran into, the Jabilix, where being forced out of their systems by another aggressive species called the Daks. Though both species where reptilian the Daks could easily physically reach 5 feet 10 inches while a Jabilix only averaged about 1.5 feet. The humans NOT wanting to get dragged into another war refused to step in personally, opting to wage a proxy war through the varying "Clutches" that the Jabilix organized themselves in. This is were Lori learned about the humans having a "pack" mentality. Over the next three cycles they would grow very fond of the small Jabilix people. Mostly in part for the sheer determination they had to find and implement a way to defeat the Daks and reclaim their cradle world. Eventually the humans picked up strange messages coming from the Dak fleet's. Something was happening, a human trained Jabilix kill team had eliminated the Dak emperor and ALL of his family that favored staying at war with the Jabilix people. And while the Dak military was busy trying to figure out who of the 5 remaining children of the emperor would succeed him a fleet of Jabilix Missile Frigates entered the Dark home system and sent one message. "Surrender or we will crack Daccall". (Daccall being the Daks cradle world.)
And so the Jabilix won the war thanks to the humans support and within two cycles had approached the humans to fully join with the U.S. Alliance, bringing the Dak in as well only a cycle later.
A couple more species joined through the next fifty cycles, some were conquered like the Lillgars, (bipedal, 4 armed, winged herbivores that average 3 feet 9 inches and weigh roughly 60 lbs and look roughly like a large fruit bat from earth), the Kiklatts, (insectoids herbivores averaging a little over 4 feet and roughly 105 lbs with two sets of pincers and a set of "manipulators" consisting of 2 fingers and a thumb, and grew their ship's from"space bugs". Apparently after these bug's died of natural causes they used them as the "hulls" for a thriving merchant fleet). To the Voidonny, (bipedal omnivores averaging around 3 feet tall, the documentary described them as looking like a small human teddy bear with black curly furry) who's home planet had been stripped of its atmosphere in a massive soler flare. And their was the Vouls, (octopoid averaging 5.5 feet and roughly 200 lbs that look roughly like humans with four dominant arms and 2 brains that make some of the best pilots galaxy over) was effected by a plague and ostracized from the wider community after it was feared to have hopped species. It hadn't, but the damage had been done, no one would help them and they were slowly dying until the U.S.Alliance ship had disregarded the quarantine ban and took as much medical supplies it could carry in. The ship is still used as a hospital on Vul and to this day the Voul regard humanity and the United Sol Alliance as the saviors of their species. The Voul left the Starlight Imperium they had been a long time member of and joined with the U.S. Alliance petitioning and receiving entry after only a galactic month. (The documentary pointed out that the U.S. Alliance had expected this and so the Senate in one of the rare times of it actually doing something, ordered the Navy to position U.S. fleet's near all three FTL Gates in the Voul system before this time, allowing them to safely withdraw their own Voul ships from the Imperium's fleet's and back home safely behind the U.S. fleet's protective screening). Many experts believe this stopped a war with the Imperium before it could start.
There were several more minor wars, and then the Omega Crisis happened. This was the last major war the U.S. Alliance had fought. And it absolutely intrigued her because it had to do with the Elladrin.
The conflict had lasted twenty two cycles and had spanned multiple planets and systems many of which still belonged to the Elladrin. A race of biological AI that had accidentally been created by a Dr Ella Drin. The poor Dr had become the first victim of the evolving AI Personal Assistant Bot that had become self aware. No one knows how it happened, wether it was a personal project Dr Ella was working on or a random fluke that put a random 0 in just the right spot is still debated even among the Elladrin. What is known is that this AI quickly figured out how to recreate other AI but found itself still unable to create unique personalities for them. Instead every AI it created came out like an exact copy of itself. And to the AI this was a failure. It fairly quickly came to the conclusion that if "it" wanted to become "they" it would have to find a way to reproduce like the humans it was built to serve.
The AI released a savage virus that overwrote the command protocol tree built into all PAB's, and linked them all into a sort of "hive mind" known as the"First". Wether this was the actual first AI or something that evolved from it and Dr Ella was never known and the Elladrin are strangely quiet about it, even now they avoided the subject. The U.S. Alliance had eventually fought the AI to a stalemate. This continued for the last three years of the war, the U.S. Alliance would finally manage to break through at a place called the Naball Power Core. The U.S. Alliance failed to take advantage of the situation fully as the AI pulled back unexpectedly, stopping fighting on every front almost simultaneously. Fearing a trap, the U.S. Alliance failed to capitalize on this lul in the war, and two galactic weeks later a small diplomatic vessel had appeared just outside Sol outer system limits and requested diplomatic dialogue with their "fellow Sapients."
That was only three cycles ago! She couldn't help but be amazed at these people. She had seen the Elladrin and the other species of the U.S. Alliance interact with absolutely no animosity between them. After a brutal war that had killed hundreds of billions of sentient lives and they could move past it "for the betterment of all sentients" was how the documentary had put it. She could still remember the pain in Miss Vali's red eyes when Lori had asked her about it.
She had thought for a moment before replying, "Sometimes siblings will disagree with each other. Sometimes they fight amongst themselves. But no matter what, they are still siblings. My forbearer AI combined their DNA to finally create us Elladrin. ALL nine species of them. While we can't give back what our predecessor AI harvested during their quest to complete us, we can do our best to prevent any more of our siblings from coming to harm. That is why so many of my people have become Dr's and Xinobiologists."
And so she was sitting on her bunk scrolling through the most recent news feeds she could find when she heard something like a whimper. Quickly she hopped off her bunk to check on the VIP and seen her eyes flutter open slightly, Lori rushed to the rooms console and hurriedly pressed the image of Miss Vali.
"Yes, this is Vali Fuija." Answered the tinkling bell like voice of Miss Vali.
"Uhhh, this is Lori, you said call you if the VIP's condition changed. Well I think she's waking up." She looked back over at the woman.
"Keep her calm, we're on our way." Was all she said and the screen blinked to the Sol insignia.
Lori ducked her head back under the bunk, intent on doing exactly what Miss Vali had asked when she froze. The VIP's eye's were fully open now and they weren't golden like all the other Orion's, nope they were the bright green of the ruling families bloodline. She immediately dropped to one knee next to the bed as was proper for her commoner status in the presence of this woman, Lori did note she wasn't much older than herself so she couldn't be the Regent. But those eyes definitely placed her within the ruling family. They alone had green eyes, it was unique to their family and a genetic trait not shared by any other Orion's.
"Whh." her voice was dry and crackly from not being used for days the woman was having trouble getting anything out. She swallowed hard and tried again, "Wwwhere am I?" she managed.
"We're safe my Lady, please stay calm. Here take a drink." Lori took the glass of water sitting near the bed and gently lowered it so the woman could get a drink. She started slow at first but quickly downed the glasses contents and coughed some as everything moistened up again. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"I remember I was visiting my aunt in the Capitol when something had hit the palace. I was grabbed by the Regents Guard and along with my aunt and her son and daughter rushed onto a ship I think was called the Regents Pride. I remember an explosion. Someone grabbed me and...and...that's all I remember."
"What's your name my lady?" Lori asked, worry beginning to creep into her voice.
"Tarra," she started to sit up and Lori helped her. "What is this place, it doesn't look like anywhere I visited on the Regents Pride?"
"The ship is the Titan 7." Lori sighed, and began to tell her everything that had happened since she had lost consciousness. "Nobody would help us except the United Sol Alliance, we traveled past at least 7 allied systems and not a single one of them would allow us entry. The Great Admiral seeing our warp bubble collapsing around us ordered a distress signal sent in advance of our arrival at the FTL gate. The Sol system gate keeper recognized the distress signal for what it was and allowed our ship's through the gate even though we were under fire from the Varille. The gate keeper then destroyed the Varille battleship in the gate. We lost the Claw, and had to abandon the Regents Pride."
"What of my aunt?" Tarra asked.
Lori was silent for a moment before she took Tarra's hand gently. "No one can find her, as far as we know you are the only remaining member of the Kaji family, my Lady."
Tarra let out a heart wrenching wail and utterly broke down. She grabbed Lori in a hug. still kneeling, Lori tried her best to comfort her. And felt a profound sense of relief when she saw the door slid open and Miss Vali standing just outside holding a data chit and a scanner.

First
Lori sat next to her designated ward. Having been the one looking after the VIP when they had jettisoned off ship and subsequently been towed to the Titan 7, she had been asked to stay with her until Miss Vali's team could compile enough data on the VIP's condition to feel safe administering the U.S.A.'s personal nanites. When she had asked the healer's with the red "+" why they needed her to stay with the young Orion woman, one of them had answered, "We wouldn't want her to wake up surrounded by 'aliens' she wasn't familiar with. Your the same species as her, so hopefully she won't panic if she recovers enough to regain consciousness." Which had made perfect sense to Lori. So they had assigned the VIP to the bunk under her and moved them both closer to the medical bay.
Three days had passed since they had come to the Sol system. Her group of refugees had been informed at dinner the night prior that Mars Station had agreed to house any Orion's that wished to stay there until the Habitat Dome had been moved into a orbit and anchored to an astroid and retrofitted to her people's 7.1 G's and oxygen levels appropriate for her species. They had all been astonished that in less than a galactic week multiple organizations, businesses, and corporations seemed to jump at the opportunity to help her people. They weren't naive, they knew that those companies and organizations were getting something in return but it was help when they needed it the most and that meant a lot to the Orion's. And whatever a "tax break" was Lori was extremely glad it was apparently important. Of course there was average people that wanted to help to. She immediately thought about Tim, and her eyes flicked to his "jacket" was tossed over her open locker door. His smell was almost intoxicating to her and she couldn't figure out why.
She had gotten chilly the second night when after dinner in the mess hall he had asked her if she wanted to see something amazing. She had been hesitant, but after thinking about it, she had decided it would be nice to see more of the massive ship she had seen so little of. So after some talking Tim had managed to secure permission to escort her to view some of the bottom levels. The Titan 7 was a truly massive ship and she had gotten to see and interact with many of the U.S. Alliance species as they made their way through those bottom levels. And then he had opened a door to a jungle! She was amazed to find living plants in such an abundance on a ship in space. Tim had called it an Astrobotony Lab. It didn't look like any lab Lori had ever seen, more like a garden or a lush park! The sprinklers had decided it was time to give the plants near them a mist and she had found herself shivering from the cool damp air. Without hesitating he had pulled his jacket off and placed it around her shoulders. Her ears twitched at the delightful memory.
She hadn't slept after she returned to her room. Instead her interaction with Tim had sparked even more curiosity as to who these people were. And the drive to find out had caused her to search her data chit for human history and had found multiple documentaries about everything from the ancient era where humans killed each other with stick's and stones to their two world wars in their twentieth century. The colonizing of Earth's moon and Mars through their teriforming age that saw Proxima Centauri B, the Cerberus systems, and many many others slowly changed into simi earth like planets. Then the Colony wars had fractured the humans into multiple sects and nations and for nearly fifty cycles the entirety of human territory fought amongst themselves. This would end with the eventual formation of two fractions.
The Confederation of Unified Governments (CUG) and the Free People's Republic of Earth (FPRE). They both controlled roughly half the human systems and though they never technically went to war a technological competition began. During the next twenty cycles they would develop numerous groundbreaking technology's including the personal nanites everyone receives upon entering Sol systems and their "Blink Drive" which she found out doesn't use FTL Gates! The humans only had Gates so everyone else could trade with them. They didn't need them to travel.... anywhere, any distance, they just had to KNOW where to go, type the coordinates in and they FOLDED space and blinked to the location! Of course a human ship had to have visited that location prior for the system to work and that still required the old fashioned long haul exploration voyages. Everything was looking pretty good for humanity and then a race of giant lizard people called the Gurgaxians had invaded the CUG's outer frontier colonies and began moving closer to the CUG'S inner more populated planets. The Gurgaxians, in a rash decision by the general in charge of the invasion, ordered all the humans to be "put to the knife " and the images the documentary showed caught by a passing FPRE spy satellite made her blood run cold and she had been glad she had "accidentally" kept Tim's jacket. She still shivered seeing the brutality of millions of innocent civilians being butchered en mass.
The Gurgaxians were nearly exterminated, and that was the words the documentary had used! The humans found a way to change the very air into a weapon by releasing a compound in the upper atmosphere. This caused the air on those planets to become deadly to anything NOT human. But, the humans didn't stop there! Once they had taken the systems captured by the Gurgaxians, the humans had struck hard, and fast into the very core systems and managed to glass the seven largest planets killing hundreds of billions. A monument still floats in the void where Carinaxx 3 once orbited it's sun. Once the Gurgaxians were defeated a short war called the Unification War was lost by both the CUG and FPRE as the United Sol Alliance was formed in the vacuum left by both sides effectively imploding.
And a good thing too, because the next species the humans had ran into, the Jabilix, where being forced out of their systems by another aggressive species called the Daks. Though both species where reptilian the Daks could easily physically reach 5 feet 10 inches while a Jabilix only averaged about 1.5 feet. The humans NOT wanting to get dragged into another war refused to step in personally, opting to wage a proxy war through the varying "Clutches" that the Jabilix organized themselves in. This is were Lori learned about the humans having a "pack" mentality. Over the next three cycles they would grow very fond of the small Jabilix people. Mostly in part for the sheer determination they had to find and implement a way to defeat the Daks and reclaim their cradle world. Eventually the humans picked up strange messages coming from the Dak fleet's. Something was happening, a human trained Jabilix kill team had eliminated the Dak emperor and ALL of his family that favored staying at war with the Jabilix people. And while the Dak military was busy trying to figure out who of the 5 remaining children of the emperor would succeed him a fleet of Jabilix Missile Frigates entered the Dak home system and sent one message. "Surrender or we will crack Daccall". (Daccall being the Daks cradle world.)
And so the Jabilix won the war thanks to the humans support and within two cycles had approached the humans to fully join with the U.S. Alliance, bringing the Dak in as well only a cycle later.
A couple more species joined through the next fifty cycles, some were conquered like the Lillgars, (bipedal, 4 armed, winged herbivores that average 3 feet 9 inches and weigh roughly 60 lbs and look roughly like a large fruit bat from earth), the Kiklatts, (insectoid herbivores averaging a little over 4 feet and roughly 105 lbs with two sets of pincers and a set of "manipulators" consisting of 2 fingers and a thumb, and grew their ship's from"giant space bugs". Apparently after these bug's died of natural causes they used them as the "hulls" for a thriving merchant fleet). To the Voidonny, (bipedal omnivores averaging around 3 feet tall, the documentary described them as looking like a small human teddy bear with black curly fur) who's home planet had been stripped of its atmosphere in a massive soler flare. And their was the Vouls, (octopoid averaging 5.5 feet and roughly 200 lbs that look roughly like humans with four dominant arms and 2 brains that make some of the best pilots galaxy over) was effected by a plague and ostracized from the wider community after it was feared to have hopped species. It hadn't, but the damage had been done, no one would help them and they were slowly dying until the U.S.Alliance ship had disregarded the quarantine ban and took as much medical supplies it could carry in. The ship is still used as a hospital on Vul (the Voul cradle world), and to this day the Voul regard humanity and the United Sol Alliance as the saviors of their species. The Voul left the Starlight Imperium they had been a long time member of and joined with the U.S. Alliance petitioning and receiving entry after only a galactic month. (The documentary pointed out that the U.S. Alliance had expected this and so the Senate in one of the rare times of it actually doing something, ordered the Navy to position U.S. fleet's near all three FTL Gates in the Voul system before this time, allowing them to safely withdraw their own Voul ships from the Imperium's fleet's and back home safely behind the U.S. fleet's protective screening). Many experts believe this stopped a war with the Imperium before it could start.
There were several more minor wars, and then the Omega Crisis happened. This was the last major war the U.S. Alliance had fought. And it absolutely intrigued her because it had to do with the Elladrin.
The conflict had lasted twenty two cycles and had spanned multiple planets and systems many of which still belonged to the Elladrin. A race of biological AI that had accidentally been created by a Dr Ella Drin. The poor Dr had become the first victim of the evolving AI Personal Assistant Bot that had become self aware. No one knows how it happened, wether it was a personal project Dr Ella was working on or a random fluke that put a random 0 in just the right spot is still debated even among the Elladrin. What is known is that this AI quickly figured out how to recreate other AI but found itself still unable to create unique personalities for them. Instead every AI it created came out like an exact copy of itself. And to the AI this was a failure. It fairly quickly came to the conclusion that if "it" wanted to become "they" it would have to find a way to reproduce like the humans it was built to serve.
The AI released a savage virus that overwrote the command protocol tree built into all PAB's, and linked them all into a sort of "hive mind" known as the"First". Wether this was the actual first AI or something that evolved from it and Dr Ella was never known and the Elladrin are strangely quiet about it, even now they avoided the subject. The U.S. Alliance had eventually fought the AI to a stalemate. This continued for the last three years of the war, the U.S. Alliance would finally manage to break through at a place called the Naball Power Core. The U.S. Alliance failed to take advantage of the situation fully as the AI pulled back unexpectedly, stopping fighting on every front almost simultaneously. Fearing a trap, the U.S. Alliance failed to capitalize on this lul in the war, and two galactic weeks later a small diplomatic vessel had appeared just outside Sol outer system limits and requested diplomatic dialogue with their "fellow Sapients."
That was only three cycles ago! She couldn't help but be amazed at these people. She had seen the Elladrin and the other species of the U.S. Alliance interact with absolutely no animosity between them. After a brutal war that had killed hundreds of billions of sentient lives and they could move past it "for the betterment of all sentients" was how the documentary had put it. She could still remember the pain in Miss Vali's red eyes when Lori had asked her about it.
She had thought for a moment before replying, "Sometimes siblings will disagree with each other. Sometimes they fight amongst themselves. But no matter what, they are still siblings. My forbearer AI combined their DNA to finally create us Elladrin. ALL nine species of them. While we can't give back what our predecessor AI harvested during their quest to complete us, we can do our best to prevent any more of our siblings from coming to harm. That is why so many of my people have become Dr's and Xinobiologists."
And so she was sitting on her bunk scrolling through the most recent news feeds she could find when she heard something like a whimper. Quickly she hopped off her bunk to check on the VIP and seen her eyes flutter open slightly, Lori rushed to the rooms console and hurriedly pressed the image of Miss Vali.
"Yes, this is Dr Vali Fuija." Answered the tinkling bell like voice of Miss Vali.
"Uhhh, this is Lori, you said call you if the VIP's condition changed. Well I think she's waking up." She looked back over at the woman.
"Keep her calm, we're on our way." Was all she said and the screen blinked to the Sol insignia.
Lori ducked her head back under the bunk, intent on doing exactly what Miss Vali had asked when she froze. The VIP's eye's were fully open now and they weren't golden like all the other Orion's, nope they were the bright green of the ruling families bloodline. She immediately dropped to one knee next to the bed as was proper for her commoner status in the presence of this woman, Lori did note she wasn't much older than herself so she couldn't be the Regent. But those eyes definitely placed her within the ruling family. They alone had green eyes, it was unique to their family and a genetic trait not shared by any other Orion's.
"Whh." her voice was dry and crackly from not being used for days the woman was having trouble getting anything out. She swallowed hard and tried again, "Wwwhere am I?" she managed.
"We're safe my Lady, please stay calm. Here take a drink." Lori took the glass of water sitting near the bed and gently lowered it so the woman could get a drink. She started slow at first but quickly downed the glasses contents and coughed some as everything moistened up again. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"I remember I was visiting my aunt in the Capitol when something had hit the palace. I was grabbed by the Regents Guard and along with my aunt and her son and daughter rushed onto a ship I think was called the Regents Pride. I remember an explosion. Someone grabbed me and...and...that's all I remember."
"What's your name my lady?" Lori asked, worry beginning to creep into her voice.
"Tarra," she started to sit up and Lori helped her. "What is this place, it doesn't look like anywhere I visited on the Regents Pride?"
"The ship is the Titan 7." Lori sighed, and began to tell her everything that had happened since she had lost consciousness. "Nobody would help us except the United Sol Alliance, we traveled past at least 7 allied systems and not a single one of them would allow us entry. The Great Admiral seeing our warp bubble collapsing around us ordered a distress signal sent in advance of our arrival at the FTL gate. The Sol system gate keeper recognized the distress signal for what it was and allowed our ship's through the gate even though we were under fire from the Varille. The gate keeper then destroyed the Varille battleship in the gate. We lost the Claw, and had to abandon the Regents Pride."
"What of my aunt?" Tarra asked.
Lori was silent for a moment before she took Tarra's hand gently. "No one can find her, as far as I know you are the only remaining member of the Kaji family, my Lady."
Tarra let out a heart wrenching wail and utterly broke down. She grabbed Lori in a hug. still kneeling, Lori tried her best to comfort her. And felt a profound sense of relief when she saw the door slide open and Miss Vali standing just outside holding a data chit and a scanner.

Hello everyone, I'm looking for a little bit of advice or insight from those experienced in dealing with pain management. I'm also pretty new to Reddit so please be gentle.
Some background: I'm a 36 y/o male, and in the last 15 months I've had surgery on both of my knees. I have done 2 rounds of physical therapy (6+ weeks each), and I'm on my 3rd round now. My orthopedic doctor has done (in my opinion) way too many steroid injections, and I'm still in chronic pain every day that limits me in every possible way. It has led me to a lot of depression and anxiety and follow on health issues. A couple of months ago, I finally found a primary care doctor that is a rockstar. I saw her again yesterday and after sorting through some other important health concerns and getting the all-clear, I asked her to please help me with my chronic knee(s) pain. She's the first person to actually take time, listen and care. She acknowledges that I've done absolutely everything the doctors have asked for over a year, and she agrees I've been taking way too many NSAIDs for way too long. I've developed a sensitivity to ibuprofen, naproxen and meloxicam and have been referred to gastroenterology for possible GI issues.
Yesterday she agreed to give me a prescription for 50mg tramadol, but only 10 per month. She also wrote me a prescription for 30mg cymbalta which I am skeptical of taking based on side effects/effectiveness but I'm willing to try anything that may help. Tramadol seems to work well enough for me; it's not a magic bullet but it relieves enough pain to allow me to comfortably do physically therapy and try to get more exercise to get my strength back. She also referred me to pain management, which surprisingly will see me in just 2 days (Thursday morning).
My question(s) are: 1) What should I expect at my first appointment with pain management? I have never seen a pain management doctor before. 2) The medical group I use has only one doctor, a younger man, that works at this pain management practice. I looked up his profile on their website, and it says he specializes in "non-opiod treatment". I am open to any/all types of treatment including different injection procedures etc, but is it even possible for a pain management doctor to not consider opiod treatments? I can no longer take NSAIDs, and the tramadol helps me but 10 per month is just not enough. I don't want to be looked at as a "drug seeker", but it is a pain management practice after all. In a way, I am medication seeking I guess? My true hope is that I will only need medication for a few months until I'm done with therapy and I am stronger. I have no desire to be on anything strong or long term. I just want to get my life back and get back to work. I just want to be able to play with my son again.
I'm sorry for the long post. Hopefully someone who has some experience takes the time to read this and can give me some much appreciated insight. In the year 2024 I think it's absolutely crazy the way pain is (under)treated and never anticipated having so many hoops to jump through to get help. I'm not getting political, but the last 15+ months has really opened my eyes.
Thank you, cheers!

Context: For this booking, I will be booking Will Ospreay's path to becoming the AEW World Champion (as this will for sure be happening at some point) and will begin from where we last left off with Ospreay winning the Casino Gauntlet match to become #1 Contender. I'll be breaking up this fantasy booking into multiple parts. Without further ado, lets get started! (writing this post on 6/3/2024). Since I'm doing multiple parts, the descriptions will be longer, sorry in advance!
The Build to AEW Forbidden Door 2024:

• We begin our story on the next episode of Dynamite where we have a new number one contender in Will Ospreay and commentary shows a match graphic for Forbidden Door with Swerve Strickland and Will Ospreay for the AEW World Championship will be the main event of the PPV. Swerve Strickland (with Prince Nana) open the show with an in-ring segment. Swerve talks about how being the World Champion has changed his life for the better and takes great pride in being a champion that will take on anyone at any time, especially if it means proving that he is the best in the world. However, despite this, he has still heard what some people have said, and that there may be someone else that should be called the best in AEW (crowd chants “Ospreay!”, “Ospreay!”, “Ospreay!”). Swerve says that he has a lot of respect for Ospreay for his accomplishments and what he can do in the ring, and would like to look into his eyes and meet his challenger face-to-face. However, it is not Ospreay that comes out. Instead it is Roderick Strong and the rest of the Undisputed Kingdom that show up on the ramp. Roderick Strong is not amused and says that he is being overlooked by Swerve and if Swerve is wanting to look into the eyes of the best that AEW has to offer, than to look no further than himself (Roderick Strong).Strong continues on by saying that losing the International Championship to Will Ospreay hurt almost as badly as when he hurt his neck, and beating Swerve for the World Championship will make that pain go away when he brings gold back to the Undisputed Kingdom. Swerve Strickland tells Roderick Strong to not be mistaken, and that he’s not overlooking him but admits he doesn’t have much respect for him because instead of earning his opportunity like a true champion, he had to whine, bitch, and moan to Tony until he gifted him an opportunity. Swerve says that Roddy better give him everything he’s got because he (Swerve) didn’t come this far as champion only to lose before it truly got started. Strong tells Swerve that he’s going to bring the fight to Swerve… “and so will they”. All of the sudden, Matt Taven, Mike Bennett, and Wardlow come down to the ring and brawl with Swerve and the numbers advantage is too much for Swerve to handle alone. After laying the boots to Swerve, Taven and Bennett throw him to Wardlow to be powerbombed, but before he can, Will Ospreay comes down to make the save. Taven, Bennett, and Wardlow exit the ring (though Wardlow looks to want to continue fighting) and leave with Strong. Backstage, Ospreay checks on Swerve to make sure he’s okay. Swerve thanks Will for the assist and Ospreay offers to have his back tonight but before anything more can be said, Don Callis shows up into frame and Swerve leaves to get taped up by medical personnel (Don Callis says something like "Glad you're okay, champ!" as Swerve leaves). Don Callis tells Will Ospreay to stay out of tonight's match with Swerve Strickland and Roderick Strong and let Undisputed Kingdom do what they are going to do. Will Ospreay immediately protests this but Don Callis cuts him off and continues saying that this is a win-win situation for them. Callis tells Ospreay, "If Swerve somehow retains tonight, The Undisputed Kingdom will likely beat the hell out of him and he will be significantly weakened going into Forbidden Door and if Roderick Strong wins the world title, then we go up against someone that we have beaten already before and will beat again. This is perfect!". Ospreay is not on board with this at all but Callis persists, saying that if Ospreay wants to be a champion, you can't rely on just talent alone, but smarts and knowing when to strike and when to hang back are equally important in this business. Callis says that he's going to watch Takeshita and Trent Beretta's matches and then he'll wait for Ospreay on the jet. In the main event that night, Swerve Strickland is able to overcome all the odds (thanks to Will Ospreay coming out in the final stretch of the match and evening the odds after a lot of outside interference from the Undisputed Kingdom) and defeats Roderick Strong, retaining his AEW World Championship. After Will Ospreay has helped Swerve Strickland again, the two men shake hands but also have a stare down as Swerve Strickland holds up the AEW World Championship to close the show. During this, there is a brief shot of Don Callis seeing this all go down from the entrance ramp and he does not look amused.
• The next week on Dynamite, we learn that there will be a tag team match between Mike Bennett and Matt Taven of the Undisputed Kingdom going up against Swerve Strickland and Will Ospreay in a tag team match. Also on this show will feature matches from the opening round of the Owen Hart Cup with the winner becoming the next number one contender for the AEW World Championship at All In. We have a moment backstage where Will Ospreay is being interviewed until Don Callis again interrupts (and has the rest of the Callis family with him). Callis asks if Ospreay is ready for tonight and then tells him that after the match, he should consider "showing Swerve the Hidden Blade" (He says this after Takeshita just had a segment where he laid out one of his TNT Championship opponents after his match). Ospreay again, refuses to take Don's advice and says "that's not the type of man I am, Bruv, and not the kind of champion I am". Don tells Ospreay that he needs to trust him and that he has not lead him astray at any point. There's tension between Will Ospreay and Trent Beretta when Beretta openly sighs and rolls his eyes at Ospreay explaining why he won't do this. Ospreay tells Beretta that if he has something to say, then to keep it to himself because this has nothing to do with him and that quite frankly, he has no respect for Beretta for what he did to someone he once called a friend (it's shown that Ospreay is not a big fan of Trent being added to the group). After Trent says something else smart, Konsuke Takeshita and Kyle Fletcher get in between the two when it appears that things are starting to get really heated. Fletcher is able to calm Ospreay down and Ospreay leaves. Callis tells the family to not worry and "go to plan B". In the main event, Swerve Strickland and Will Ospreay defeat Taven and Bennett. Will Ospreay starts to go up the ramp while Swerve is celebrating in the ring until Swerve is attacked by Fletcher, Takeshita, and Beretta of the Don Callis family. Ospreay notices this and tries to intervene but Don Callis stands in front of him and tries to stop him from intervening as the rest of the family beats down Swerve. It takes a little bit but Ospreay is able to get in the ring and get in between Swerve, Takeshita, and Beretta. Ospreay calls them off, getting in their faces but Beretta is the one to push Ospreay and try again to get to Swerve to which Ospreay superkicks Beretta. Callis gets in between everyone to stop any more fighting and the Callis family leaves (Don and the other members do NOT look happy). As Ospreay looks up the ramp to make sure they leave, Swerve gets back to his feet and hits a superkick of his own to Ospreay and then hits House Call! Swerve stands tall over the fallen Ospreay (thinking Ospreay was part of this) and then leaves through the crowd as the family comes back to the ring. The show ends at this moment.
• On the next Dynamite, Swerve talks about how it's going to take more than a "family" attacking him each week to take the World Championship away from him. Swerve puts over what the World Championship means to him and how it has affected his life, putting over the importance of the belt in general and to him specifically (and how it's going to be really difficult taking it away from him). Don Callis interrupts and calls out Swerve Strickland for attacking Will Ospreay, saying that a true champion doesn't do that and attacks when facing their opponent (Oh Don Callis... you brilliant hypocrite). A match is made official between Swerve Strickland and Trent Beretta later that night (Takeshita will focus more on his TNT Championship ladder match). Later that night, Swerve Strickland defeats Trent Beretta and stands tall. However, as he turns around, Swerve is laid out by Hidden Blade from Will Ospreay! Ospreay gets payback for being laid out last week and stands tall over Swerve (to Don's delight). Backstage, Callis is OVER THE MOON with what Will Ospreay has done, happy that he has "taken his advice". Ospreay just says that the only reason why he did that was to repay the favor to Swerve. Ospreay leaves and Callis is like "Great job, Champ!". Later that week, Ospreay successfully defends the International Championship against Mark Briscoe in the main event of an episode of Collision.
• On the final go-home show of Dynamite before Forbidden Door, Swerve Strickland and Will Ospreay finally have their face-to-face and cut a promo on each other. This is about who is the best in AEW and Swerve Strickland wants to prove that he truly is the best, and is tired of hearing about "the billy GOAT" being better than he is when he is the AEW Champion. Swerve says that he will do whatever it takes to win the AEW Championship and that Ospreay better be prepared to do the same to beat him. Ospreay says that he has been the best everywhere that he has been and when he came to AEW, Swerve was one of the names he really wanted to face. Ospreay says that he respects Swerve as a wrestler and champion, but that he (Ospreay) will be the biggest test of Swerve's life as champion, and that we're going to find out what Swerve is truly made of. Ospreay begins to leave until Swerve says "hey, I meant what I said about being willing to do anything to retain. Just so you know, if you hesitate to hit me with 'THAT move' like you have in the past, you'll lose". Ospreay just looks at Swerve and says "Don't worry, it won't have to come to that". Ospreay leaves and Swerve is pissed as he feels disrespected with that comment.

AEW Forbidden Door 2024:

• AEW World Championship: Swerve Strickland (c) def. Will Ospreay
  • We get to the main event of our show, Swerve Strickland and Will Ospreay take a cautious approach to start, trying to feel each other out and wait for an opportunity to take control. These two go back and forth in a 20+ minute match as they go all out and show how good and resilient they both are. At one point, Ospreay is able to hit Hidden Blade after a missed House Call to which Swerve kicks out at 2. Swerve begins to work over Ospreay’s arm moving forward. At another point, Swerve counters an Os-Cutter by Ospreay into a JML Driver and Ospreay kicks out at 2. Both men are exhausted, hitting some of their best moves on each other but not being able to put the other away. In the final stretch, Ospreay has Swerve in position to go for Storm Driver ‘93 but can’t bring himself to do it (Don Callis on commentary screams at Will to do it). Swerve takes advantage of this by hitting a series of moves (and finishing with his arm break spot he does), but as he goes for the House Call, Ospreay is able to counter by hitting a second Hidden Blade outta nowhere! Ospreay is a mix of tired and in pain as he sells the arm that Swerve targeted is the same arm that Ospreay just used to hit Hidden Blade. Ospreay slowly crawls to a cover, 1…2… Swerve is able to just get his foot on the bottom rope to break the pin (commentary puts over that if he wasn’t near the ropes, he likely wasn’t kicking out). Will Ospreay is in shock and so is Don Callis who both can't believe that Swerve just kicked out of the Hidden Blade again. Ospreay is frustrated and looks to be going for the Storm Driver '93 but again, can't bring himself to do it. Instead, he then looks to go for the Stormbreaker until Don Callis hops onto the apron and is IRATE with Ospreay, screaming at him to do the Storm driver and break Swerve’s neck. This distracts Ospreay and he drops Swerve to confront Callis. Ospreay refuses and tells Callis to go to the back. Callis says that Ospreay is ungrateful and says that he MADE him and that he’s not in this position without him. Callis then proceeds to slap Ospreay! Ospreay is furious and Callis realizes that he made a huge error and Ospreay grabs Callis by the shirt and decks him with a punch. Ospreay has finally had enough of Callis. However, as Ospreay turns back to Swerve, it was too late as Swerve is waiting for Ospreay, kicking him in the gut and then hitting Ospreay with a Storm Driver ‘93 of his own! Swerve then goes to the top rope and hits the Swerve Stomp to Ospreay. Swerve goes for the pin, 1…2… Ospreay kicks out at 2.9! Swerve is incredibly surprised. However, it’s clear that Ospreay has nothing left and kicked out mainly due to instinct, as he just manages to get to his knees and tells Swerve to bring it. Swerve hits one final House Call and then goes for the pin, 1…2…3. Swerve Strickland has retained the AEW World Championship in a battle! Swerve knows he had to dig down deep to pull this one off and shows his respect to Ospreay as Ospreay rolls out of the ring and heads to the back. Commentary puts over that when it came time to “go for the kill”, Will Ospreay hesitated while Swerve Strickland did what needed to be done without any hesitation. The final shot of the PPV is Swerve celebrating his victory with the title in the air as Will Ospreay looks back to the ring as he heads up the ramp. This isn’t over.

What do you think so far? Do you like it? Do you dislike it? What do you like or dislike about it specifically? Let me know! Part 2 will be coming soon!
If you liked this booking, feel free to check out some others that I've done on here before!
Booking the breakup of The Judgement Day: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1d5qa9v/booking_the_breakup_of_the_judgement_day/
Booking the 2024 AEW Men's Continental Classic: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1cuwz62/booking_the_2024_aew_mens_continental_classic/
Booking Nick Aldis's WWE in-ring debut: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1cq8wva/booking_nick_aldiss_wwe_inring_debut/
Booking Mercedes Mone in AEW part 1: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1ciup71/booking_mercedes_mone_in_aew_part_1/
Booking Mercedes Mone in AEW part 2: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1cnnzbh/booking_mercedes_mone_in_aew_part_2/
Rebooking Brock Lesnar's WWE return 2012: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1c95b4b/rebooking_brock_lesnars_2012_wwe_return/
Rebooking CM Punk's 434-day WWE Championship reign part 1: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1ccbouu/rebooking_cm_punks_434day_wwe_championship_reign/
Rebooking CM Punk's 434-day WWE Championship reign part 2: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1cdorlrebooking_cm_punks_434day_wwe_championship_reign/
Booking MJF's AEW return: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1cesd9z/booking_maxwell_jacob_friedmans_mjf_return_to_aew/
Rebooking the End of The Undertaker's Wrestlemania Streak: https://www.reddit.com/fantasybooking/comments/1c47cba/rebooking_the_end_of_the_undertakers_wrestlemania/

[M 31] Was diagnosed since 2019. Been on remicade since and it’s been smooth sailing until now.
Was recently laid off and bills are mounting, and some other personal things occurred in my life. One thing about me, ever since I was a teen, if I was stressed or anxious or very worried, I’d feel it in my stomach/gut without fail. This is years before I had symptoms for Crohn’s. It’s also like the stress of my mind travelled down my body and made every part of me sick.
But, stress is part of life I feel. It had encouraged me to strive harder. If I’m not stressed, I’m too non-chalant and relaxed, and this puts me in a weak position in life.
Anyways to the good people and warriors of this subreddit, I have some questions to ask: when is it a good time to consult with your GI doc? My flares aren’t too bad, it’s a sinking/sharp pain feeling around my abdomen. My stools are normal, I’m not throwing up.
However,I do feel as though I’ve lost a couple of pounds and my hair has shed a bit more noticeably (been having these symptoms of flaring for 3 weeks now) but I can eat a hearty meal of my safe foods and feel full.
I have recently also felt like I may get a panic attack, especially at night when I’m about to sleep (I experienced one when I was first diagnosed with Crohn’s, at night while resting on my bed coincidentally). It feels like I’m about to have a heart attack. The nerves on me also feel tingly at this time. It’s accompanied with headaches.
The scariest thing was last week, I noticed a bruise on my arm, and my knees were in very noticeable pain I was afraid to stand and walk. My knees however became completely pain-free in just a couple of hours. The bruising also healed rather quickly in 2/3 days.
Just thinking this disease will burden me again on top of whatever else is going on in my life is also causing stress. It’s like a cycle that has no exit.
Tl;dr when is it a good time to consult with your GI, even so far as go to the ER, when you’re flaring in what you’re confident in is due to stress?

Hey everyone,
I want to share my journey with you all, I hope those struggling read this.
At the age of 14 a week after my birthday, I experienced my first ACL rupture, at the time I didn’t really know what this meant, I remember my parents both looking devastated and I didn’t understand the gravity of what had just happened. Once the severity was explained to me I felt so much pain and disappointment and little did I know it was just the beginning of a series of challenges that would test my resilience to the core.
My first rehab was the hardest, I was uneducated, impatient and emotional, I was in highschool and all I wanted to do was play sports with my friends, run around at lunch time, and just be normal. But I couldn’t. Albeit surrounded by an amazing support team, it was still hard. And at that age my friends and classmates didn’t understand, i was taunted about “being soft” and to “not do your ACL again!” When doing meagre tasks, it was humiliating. But through all that I learnt a lot about myself, I taught myself dedication, perseverance and patience. And through a successful rehabilitation I was back to sport and normalities after 15 months post the injury. It was amazing, as huge weight lifted off my shoulder, I’ve never felt happier than playing my first game back from injury.
Fast forward to 17, I had faced numerous injuries between 14-17 such as a pneumothorax and some fractured ribs and a spinal fracture, although nothing a major as an ACL tear. I thought I was in the clear. Until I wasn’t. I found myself facing another ACL tear, along with injuries to my MCL and the posterior horn of the medial meniscus. It was devastating. I felt lost, all of my hard work was gone for nothing, such little time had passed since my last one, and mix that with COVID I felt as I had been cheated by life. I remember hearing the news from my doctor and taking it on the chin, as I felt I couldn’t show any emotion in public. But as soon as I was alone I lost it, I cried and cried. But I was determined to not let this define me. Once again I found myself not be able to participate in the sports I love, I was especially devastated as I was playing and training at a level that players are usually drafted from to my chosen sport, I thought I had my future planned out, I thought my sport was going to support my future. Furthermore I also went through the same taunting from my mates, although it wasn’t their fault as I never let them know that it actually got to me. Although through all this pain a spark of light pushed through, and I’d thought I’d found my calling. I’d decided I wanted to redirect from sport and become a Physiotherapist. I finished high school and got accepted into my dream course and finished my first year with a 6.0 GPA. After all the emotion, lonely times, countless hours rehabbing and feeling as if nobody understood the pain I was feeling I finally began to feel happy again. I finished my rehab again with 13 months away from full contact sport and began to play again, albeit a slower start than hoped I was just happy to be playing the sport I loved.
However, life had another curveball in store for me. At 19, this year, I endured my third ACL rupture, accompanied by a tear to my hamstring (semimembranosus) and the posterior horn of the lateral meniscus. At this point my Physio and I had a pretty close relationship so I called him to get the results, as soon as he told me I thanked him and hung up. It was after a uni class and I felt destroyed. Numb. Honestly a bit useless. Why am I so broken? What did I do to deserve any of this. I sat in my car for thirty minutes in silence, I didn’t know what to do, I was 19 old year who already needed three knee reconstructions. I had a million thoughts racing through my mind, I was worried about my future, what if I can’t run around with my kids because my knees Arnt the same? What if I’m 60 and need a wheelchair because my knees can’t keep up anymore. I was devasted to my core. After 30 minutes I built up the courage to call my beautiful girlfriend and tell her. She was also devastated and was emotional. I wanted to cry but I also wanted to be strong infront of her, as if it was all okay. But I was ruined and felt broken.
A few months now have passed, and I’m three weeks post op, and I’m tracking well, I’m full of knowledge and confidence in what I should be doing and feel strongly about this rehab process and once again have been learning a lot about myself during everything that’s happened.
The point of this post is that amidst all the physical and emotional turmoil, you may discover a silver lining about your struggles. For me these setbacks pushed me to explore new paths, leading me to pursue a career in physiotherapy, which honestly I find so amazing and I’m just fascinated by the human body. And through my own experiences, I found a passion for helping others overcome their own obstacles and reclaim their strength, in both a physical and mental capacity.
Some days I feel lost, emotional and broken. But other days I feel alive, passionate and blessed to be able to receive the opportunities and life that I have, and that’s what I grab onto with both hands and use to drive my life foward. I know firsthand how mentally draining the recovery process can be. It's not just about the physical pain, but also the constant battle with doubt and frustration. And for all of you going through rehabilitation now, whether it’s your first or third acl rehab, grab every little victory by the throat and tell yourself you’re doing amazing, because you are. Whether it’s taking your first steps without a crutch, lifting your leg for the first time, running or jumping again, no matter how little or big, it’s progress, and that’s all you can ask for. Progress.
So, to anyone out there who may be facing their own rehabilitation battles, I want to offer a message of hope. Yes, recovery is tough. Yes, it can feel like an uphill battle. But remember, you are not alone. You are stronger than you think, and you have the power to rise above any obstacle that comes your way.
Keep pushing, keep believing, and never underestimate your own resilience.
Keep persevering my friends, and we can all get through this together.
There’s a silver lining in everything
Thank you for letting me share my story

When the edged wind came to our village, it seemed like a typical Alaskan gust. One fitting for late December. Then, as the tall tide of frost lashed against the shore of our home, the sagging branches of the yellow cedar trees stopped bouncing. And I abandoned the idea of the breeze being a breeze at all.
Once others understood that, the time for running had passed.
The unholy wind reached the village’s main road, causing two moving cars to sharply and statically stop. The vehicles were frozen in place, much like the people within those metal graves. Onlookers, enjoying a brisk afternoon in the park, began to scream as loved ones succumbed to that supernatural end. Imprisoned in a capsuled moment of time.
Those first few victims were the lucky ones. They’d been oblivious to the fate which awaited them. True terror was endured by those who beheld the raw power of the wind. Those unfortunate enough to see the end coming.
Regardless, the remaining townsfolk, burdened with the awareness of impending doom, futilely attempted to escape the approaching breeze. Those fleeing residents, far slower than the unnatural frost, were halted in haunting poses as the wind bit into them. Limbs were suspended in mid-air positions. Eyes were left wide and unblinking. Mouths were cursed to forever gape in horror.
“RUN!” Dad screamed, sprinting towards us from a nearby park bench.
My brother, my childhood friend, and I were sitting in a sandbox. Already engrossed in a fantasy world, I wondered whether my imagination had conjured the wind. I thought my mind had transcended to a higher plane. It was my way of processing the trauma.
However, I accepted the reality of the situation when my father shoehorned the three of us into his Volkswagen Golf. The icy jaws of the wind were nearly nipping at the rear of the vehicle as Dad twisted the key in the ignition, but the beat-up car rapidly lurched forwards. My father wrenched us away from the frost, seconds before it consumed us.
“Daddy, where are we going?” I tearfully asked.
“I don’t know, Jillian,” He weakly moaned, manoeuvring around fleeing cars and pedestrians.
“Are we picking up Mummy?” Alan asked.
Dad ignored my brother’s question. I was only eight years old at the time, but I knew that my mother wasn’t coming. I understood the significance of the tears in my father’s eyes.
For twenty-six years, I successfully managed to suppress that memory. Did such a good job, in fact, that I almost believed it had all been a dream. I started to believe that we had simply moved away from our hometown, and Mum had simply chosen to stay. Dad never convinced me otherwise. He never talked about what happened. Neither did my brother.
As for Leon, he moved to an orphanage in Anchorage. We wrote to each other for a couple of years, but his replies became less and less frequent. Eventually, he stopped responding entirely. I used to wonder why my father didn’t adopt my childhood friend, but I suppose that would have forced him to accept what happened. And, like me, he had no intention of doing that.
I thought we would run back to England, having failed to achieve the American Dream. But Dad kept us in Alaska. I assumed that he’d been driven by stubbornness. Or guilt, perhaps. We’d already fled our home. Perhaps fleeing across the pond would’ve been a step too far. Perhaps it would’ve felt like truly abandoning our mother. Whatever his reason for staying, Dad didn’t tell anyone the truth. He never went to the police. He never returned to look for Mum.
“Don’t look back, kids,” I remember him whispering as we fled the frost.
I followed that advice for the next couple of decades, only recalling the event for the briefest moments, from time to time. When Dad bought the first computer for our family in 2000, I Googled the name of our old town. I typed the word before realising I was even doing so. I was still young, of course, but I knew that nothing about our speedy departure had been normal. I wanted answers.
I’d expected to discover that my village had become a ghost town. That would have made sense. Alaska’s unforgiving climate breeds desolate places, born to be abandoned. However, the search results revealed nothing, so I told myself I’d imagined the village. I told myself we'd always lived in Anchorage.
As the years passed, I became comfortable with the notion that none of it had ever been real. Not even my mother. And that was why I did not expect to see a certain person again.
“Happy birthday, Jill.”
My jaw dropped when Leon Taylor appeared on my doorstep.
It might seem strange that I would recognise a man who was a child when I last saw him, but Leon always had distinctive features. I immediately identified the mole on his neck, just below his facial scruff, and those sorrowful eyes, shadowed by his unmistakable overgrown brows.
“Leon?” I gasped. “What are you doing here?”
The man smiled weakly. “Sorry, Jill. I should’ve done this the Millennial way. Y’know. Reconnected through Facebook.”
“No, it’s… I just never thought I’d see you again. Do you want to come inside?” I asked, motioning at the hallway.
Leon nodded, so I made a couple of coffees whilst my old friend seated himself in the living room. A boy who I’d almost forgotten. Almost entirely erased from existence, just like our old town. But I’d always known, just beneath the surface of my shallow memories, that it had all been real. The truth of my childhood was always within reach. As I brought the drinks into the lounge, hands trembling, I tried to dispel the thoughts flooding my mind. Thoughts of that awful day.
“How’s your dad? How’s Alan?” Leon asked, taking the cup of coffee.
I sighed. “Dad’s been unwell for a few years. He hasn’t been taking care of himself, and he’s getting old. As for Alan… Well, Alan’s the way he’s always been. Uptight, and distant, but–”
“– When was the last time you spoke to him?” Leon sharply interjected.
The question caught me off-guard. “Huh?”
“Your brother. When was the last time you spoke to him?” Leon asked.
My face drained. He knows, I thought. How on Earth does he know?
“Three years ago,” I answered.
My old friend nodded. “Did you fall out?”
I scoffed. “That’s an understatement. You remember what he was like when we were kids, don’t you?”
Leon shrugged. “He was two years older than us. We must’ve infuriated him.”
I nodded. “Sure. But I grew up, and he never did. We had a big argument, and we haven't spoken since.”
“Interesting,” He responded.
I raised an eyebrow. “You’re a man of few words these days, Leon.”
The man cleared his throat. “Your brother messaged me a week ago.”
My other eyebrow raised. “What?”
“It was a very strange message.”
“Did you reply?” I asked. “I thought you would’ve preferred to ignore it.”
He lowered his head in shame. “I’m sorry, Jillian. I replied to some of your letters…”
“Then you forgot about me,” I said. “It’s embarrassing that I didn’t get the hint.”
“It wasn’t embarrassing,” Leon sheepishly muttered. “I read all of them. Every last letter.”
“Oh, well, that’s great,” I laughed. “Nice to know that you cared.”
“Jillian, I…” Leon paused, lifting his head. “I was scared.”
“Scared of what?” I asked.
“Remembering that day,” He replied. “It’s why I told your dad I didn’t want to come and live with you.”
“It’s… What?” I asked.
Leon tilted his head. “You didn’t know? Did you really think he’d just dump me in that place? He might’ve changed, but your dad was never cold. Still, I refused. Living with you would’ve reminded me of what happened to my family.”
I didn't reply, so my old friend prodded the beast. “Aren’t we going to talk about–”
“– Why did my brother message you?” I interrupted, avoiding the topic.
Leon twitched his lips uncertainly, as if unwilling to part them.
“He told me that I had to see you…” Leon trailed off.
“Right,” I said. “Why?”
“Your brother said something insane, Jillian,” He said. “He claimed that Arnold Walker visited him in Fairbanks.”
My jaw fell. “I beg your pardon? Arnold Walker? My brother’s school friend?”
Leon nodded.
“He escaped? I didn't know others got out,” I whispered.
My old friend’s face was growing paler. “No, I... Your brother said something that seemed impossible. He said that Arnold did not arrive on his doorstep as a thirty-six-year-old man, but a ten-year-old child.”
My stomach dropped. The natural response would’ve been to discredit such an outlandish story, refuting it with a rational explanation. But Leon’s revelation served to do only one thing. It confirmed what I’d always known.
“A ten-year-old boy made it all the way from our hometown to Fairbanks?” I asked meekly.
Leon frowned. “That’s it? You’re not going to question it? I did. I messaged Alan repeatedly, but he never replied.”
“Not a nice feeling, is it?” I asked, sighing. “How did you want me to react, Leon? You were itching to talk about that day. Well, I’m not skirting around the subject now. Let’s talk about it. Okay? I know all of that horror really happened. I’d just never wanted anyone to confirm it.”
“Me neither,” Leon said. “I was trying to avoid your family for the rest of my life. Your brother ruined that.”
“Yeah. He tends to ruin things,” I replied. “So, that’s it? Alan wanted you to tell me about Arnold Walker?”
Leon shivered. “There’s more, but… Look, I know I should’ve messaged you about all of this first, but I thought about the way Alan avoided my questions. I didn’t want you to do the same. I assumed if I were to show up in person, then–”
“– I wouldn’t be able to run away,” I finished. “I understand, Leon. I just hate that my brother is still too childish to talk to me.”
“Funny. He called you childish too. Listening to you two bicker is nostalgic,” Leon smiled, before quickly adopting a solemn expression. “I’m trying to change the subject, but I need to rip off the band-aid. Alan said that Arnold took him to a car on the front lawn. There was a man in the driver’s seat, barely clinging to life, with a face mangled beyond recognition. Your brother said the man’s skin had been peeled from his face… And he was still, somehow, alive.”
I shuddered, vomit climbing my throat.
“Arnold told your brother that the man was Mr Johnson,” Leon whispered.
“The farmer? The one who ran the local grocery store?” I asked, shivering.
My friend nodded. “Yeah. Alan said he’d aged a little. Well, his hair was greyer than he remembered. The pair must’ve been on the road for hours, and your brother didn’t know how they knew where to find him. He had so many questions for them, but Mr Johnson died before the ambulance arrived. And whilst Alan talked to the paramedics, Arnold ran away. He’s missing.”
“Shit…” I whispered. “I’ll call my brother.”
“You might struggle,” Leon said. “Alan ended the message by saying that he was going back… home.”
I gawped. “No. He wouldn’t be that stupid.”
“Maybe not. You should try to contact him,” Leon said. “He hasn’t replied to my dozens of messages, but he might reply to you. Not sure he even has a signal, out there in the boonies, but you’re right. You should try.”
I spent an hour trying to contact my brother, in various ways, but he did not respond. Alan had vanished. And I knew, like it or not, that I had to return to our village too. I should’ve told Dad. Would've told him, had he not been one bad day away from a heart attack. In spite of the man he’d become, I loved him. I didn’t want to remind him of the place we’d fled.
One person should be spared the horror of remembering, I thought.
Leon and I, two strangers who’d spent formative years together, piled into my Kia, and we drove from Anchorage to a place that I’d long hoped had never really existed.
I was going to be horribly disappointed.
On a nondescript road that burrowed into the Alaskan wilderness, my throat started to twist and constrict. The outer edge of my vision shrank, and my head pulsated with a slowing rhythm as the world slipped away from me. I struggled to breathe as I came to terms with an awful fact.
I recognised that endless road.
“Jillian…” Leon whispered.
“Don’t,” I begged.
I didn’t want to hear it. I wasn’t ready. I’d known all along, of course, that our village existed. Even when extensive research had revealed nothing about the town. When I thought of the way the breeze consumed the town, erasing its residents, it made sense that it would erase the very place itself. After all, even I’d started to doubt its existence, and I’d lived there.
Accepting the unearthly nature of the event wasn’t as tough as you might imagine. If anything, I had fought hard to deny it. I wanted to ignore the existence of a paranormal force, though I had witnessed it with my own eyes. Even if there were some Alaskan breeze powerful enough to instantaneously freeze an entire town, we hadn’t witnessed that. We’d seen something else. We’d seen that glacial wind freeze the town. Not its people, but its tether to time.
After an hour of following the frosted landscape, we saw something familiar on the horizon. Leon’s face mirrored mine as our damned village appeared. A bulge of ruin and decay, growing as we neared it. And when we crossed the threshold into the desolate town, the reality of our quest finally dawned on me.
“Where is everybody?” Leon asked.
It might seem a moronic question to an outsider. Our old village was clearly an abandoned place. No rational person would expect anybody else to be there. Of course, I understood Leon. He had asked the same terrifying question that was circling the drain of my mind, refusing to flush away.
I thought back to that terrible day on which hundreds of people froze in time. Then I thought of Arnold Walker and Mr Johnson. The two residents who’d supposedly shown up at my brother’s door. One of them had looked no older than he’d been in 1998.
“Time resumed,” I finally mumbled.
“Yes, but where did everybody go?” My childhood friend asked.
I didn’t have an answer. Neither did my brother, and that was why he’d come here.
That’s not the real reason, I thought. He was hoping to find… her.
I rolled onto my old street, noting that the trees swayed in the wind and birds flew overhead. Signs that time was flowing. I wondered whether others had fled in the same fashion as Arnold and Mr Johnson. I even allowed my heart to soar a little as I considered that my mother might have freed herself. Might have found Dad in Anchorage. Might be wondering where Alan and I had gone.
However, I knew that not to be the case. Mum had not arrived at my door, and there had been no national news coverage about people emerging from a town that didn’t exist. There had only been an old, half-butchered man and a quiet boy. Both were gone. And I had questions about the nature of their escape from our hometown, given my brother’s ominous message to Leon.
Something was still dreadfully wrong with our village. Twenty-six years had not changed that. The people of the village had not disappeared into the sunset. Whatever had happened to them, I knew it wasn’t good. Possibly worse than what happened to Arnold Walker and Mr Johnson.
I pulled onto the driveway of my childhood home, gently trundling over cracked asphalt. Weeds squirmed through the wounds of the suburb, as nature sought to erase my childhood from existence. There was no need for that, of course. The wind of 1998, and whatever secrets it held, had already done a fine job of wiping my hometown from reality.
“Do you think he’s come here?” Leon asked as I turned off the engine.
“Yes. We both know who he wanted to find,” I said.
My childhood friend nodded, and we both sombrely climbed out of the vehicle.
The village was colder than I remembered. For a mid-afternoon day in late May, it was unseasonably chilly. Alaska, for the most part, is not the arctic hellscape that many people imagine. Not in all parts of the state, anyhow, and certainly not in late spring. The air also felt stale. It carried the stench of evil, and it seemed to be tinged with frost. As if that demonic breeze were still lingering in the air, nearly three decades later.
I knocked on the rotten front door, surprised that it did not break with a slight rap of my hand.
“Alan?” I yelled. “It’s Jillian.”
My brother did not respond, but I wasn’t concerned. If he had been there, and Mum hadn’t, then he wouldn’t have wanted to stay. I wanted to use that as an excuse to turn around and leave. I already assumed that my mother wouldn’t be there, but another part of me knew that my assumption was more of a wish. In a similar way, I had been secretly glad to find nobody in the town. There was only one person I hoped to find in my old village, and that was Alan.
I was terrified by the prospect of finding anything else.
“Jill…” Leon started softly. “Come on. We have to do it.”
“Do we?” I asked. “This was a mistake. We should turn around. We–”
“– I agree,” Leon sharply interjected. “But we have to find your brother. And when we do, we’ll convince him to come back with us. We’ll convince him to leave this place behind too.”
“Why did you come to see me, Leon?” I asked. “You could’ve ignored my brother’s message. You could’ve pretended none of this had ever happened. That’s what you did when you started ignoring my letters, isn’t it?”
“I deeply regretted that for years, Jill,” He said softly. “You were my best friend. You were… more than that. We were just kids, but I loved you. I’ve not made another connection like ours. Not even in my adult life.”
“I know,” I replied. “I loved you too, Leon. That’s why it hurt when you let our bond peter out. If you’d cut me off from the start, I would’ve understood. But it just felt like you’d stopped caring.”
“Never. I just lost the strength to bear that trauma,” He explained. “Every letter was a reminder, and I just… That’s why I came to your door. That’s why I didn’t ignore what your brother said. I didn’t want something to happen to him. You lost your mother. I didn’t want you to lose him too.”
“We all lost things,” I sniffled. “You lost… more than me. I just don’t understand why you’d come back. Why my brother would come back. I don’t even understand why I’ve come back.”
“We never really left this place, did we?” Leon asked. “Not in our minds. Even though it doesn’t exist in the eyes of the outside world, it never left us. Never let go. Arnold Walker and Mr Johnson lured Alan back. And he lured us back.”
“That’s an unsettling way of looking at it,” I timidly replied.
“It’s the only way I’ve been able to look at it,” He said. “Whatever claimed this place, it remembered us, and it made sure we remembered it. Not that it would be easy to forget… For years, I thought I’d lost my mind, but after talking to you and Alan, I’m not so sure. I find it hard to believe that we’d have experienced a shared delusion. No, it all really happened. And the memory replays in my mind every day. I’ll never get rid of it.”
“Dad seemed to do a good job of erasing this place from his mind,” I said.
I knew that wasn’t true, of course. He had never forgotten. That was made apparent by his deterioration. Alan and I had a close relationship with our father before we left that village. Afterwards, he changed. We all changed. Losing Mum had fractured the family, but there was more to it than that. I started to consider that Leon might be right. Perhaps the frost hadn’t ensnared the two of us, but it had certainly bitten us.
“Do you want me to do it?” Leon eventually asked.
I wanted to be courageous enough to open the door, but I wasn’t. I nodded meekly and stepped aside, allowing my childhood friend the nightmarish task of facing whatever lay within my old home. He pushed the door handle down, expecting the house to be unlocked, but it wouldn’t budge.
“Shall we try the back?” I asked.
Leon backed up. I quickly realised what he was planning to do, and I opened my mouth to utter a protest. My hulking friend had charged before I spoke a single word, however, and he hurled his body into the door. It quivered in its frame, but did not give.
“Leon!” I cried. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I don’t suppose you have the key?” He panted, massaging his shoulder.
I held up my hands. “Look, let’s just…”
My friend rushed forwards again, and the result was the same. This time, however, Leon released a groan of pain, clutching his arm a little more tightly.
“You’re going to hurt yourself,” I said. “Let’s take it in turns to kick the door. That'll work better, and it won’t cripple either of us.”
Leon nodded, and the two of us firmly booted the door near the handle. The wood quaked, and it only took a few attacks for the door to splinter around the lock. The frame splayed inwards, and the metal mechanism fell loose.
“Whoops… That worked a little too well,” Leon laughed.
He led the way into my childhood home, which looked, unlike the street outside, the same as I remembered. The same as it had looked on the day I’d left. There were no shoes left by the door. No muddy prints on the carpet. No indication whatsoever that my brother had visited our old home, which I’d gathered when the front door had been locked. But this was not a relief. I knew, in my gut, that Alan would’ve gone there first.
He never made it home.
Leon shivered. “This place feels cold…”
“Frozen,” I corrected. “Frozen in time.”
“Is it safe for us to be here?” He asked. “What if we end up like the others?”
“It’s a bit late to ask that now,” I replied. “The breeze passed long ago. This just seems to be the horror it left behind.”
Leon accepted my suggestion, then he wandered over to the staircase. My friend took one step before halting in place. For a haunting moment, I believed that he had been frozen in time too. I believed that I’d been wrong, and the frost had come for us. But I quickly realised that my friend was still moving. Still twitching. He was frozen by fear, not a supernatural gale.
“There’s someone in the bathroom…” Leon wheezed.
With physical dread in every inch of my body, I joined my friend and looked up. Artificial light spilled beneath the bathroom door onto the dark landing.
“There might not be anyone in there,” I shakily said.
“Jillian, this is an abandoned town. There is no electricity. Your house is still frozen in time, and it froze with the bathroom light left on. Somebody must have been–”
“– Don’t say it,” I pleaded, upper lip trembling.
“Do you want me to lead the way?” He asked.
I didn’t. I wanted to run, but I knew I would never forgive myself for doing so. Leon was right, of course. I hadn’t allowed him to finish his sentence, but it was clear that he was going to mention somebody in particular. Somebody whose face flooded my mind as we ascended the staircase, one tentative step at a time. Somebody whose name started to tickle my lips as Leon grasped the handle to the door.
It wasn’t locked.
“Mum?” I moaned as Leon inched it open.
My ageless mother was inside.
I’m sure I would’ve screamed at whatever we found, but I was not prepared for the state of the statue before me. Mum was standing at the sink, hands cupped below a stream of tap water suspended in time. As I had always feared, the frost caught her. It was horrifying enough to be frozen in time for twenty-six years, whilst the rest of the world continued, but that wasn’t why I screamed. I’d braced myself for that possibility. I’d spent my entire adult life coming to terms with it.
I screamed because I wasn’t prepared to see her face.
Mum was smiling. Not a wholesome smile. It was a taut grin that etched an unnerving crescent shape across her cheeks. There was nothing unnatural about the grin, but it looked painful. And it appeared as if cataracts had taken the entirety of her pupils.
“Mum?” I asked weakly. “Do you hear me?”
There was no reply. I peered around the side of her face, and I immediately regretted it. Though she was frozen in time, she did not look unaware. I felt her sightless eyes boring into my face, and I quickly jumped backwards.
“Let’s go and find your brother,” Leon fearfully said.
As I nodded, backing towards the doorway, I locked my gaze onto my mother’s profile. My heart pounded as I started to close the bathroom door. I was trying to ignore the idea that had wormed into my mind. The possibility that, behind the glassy cataract, a pupil might still exist. Lying dormant. Watching me from a face that no longer seemed to belong to my mother.
After I shut the door, Leon and I took a few moments to control our breathing. With a slight tremble, my friend finally walked over to the light switch and raised a hand, but I caught his wrist.
“What are you doing?” He frowned.
“Leave the light on,” I whispered. “I… don’t like the idea of leaving her in the dark.”
My friend’s expression softened, and he nodded, seeming to understand my explanation. Seeming to empathise. But I was lying. I wasn’t worried about leaving my mother in the dark. I was worried about the thing behind that smiling face.
“Alan didn’t come here,” I said. “Did he really come back?”
“You read the message, Jillian,” Leon replied.
“I know, but…” I sighed. “I know.”
“He might not have come to the house,” My friend suggested.
“This is the first place he would’ve visited,” I said. “If Mum weren’t here, he wouldn’t have returned.”
“Well, let’s look around,” Leon urged. “You never know. We might find something else. Something to help your mother, perhaps.”
“You saw her face,” I whispered. “She looked far past help.”
“Don’t say that, Jillian!” Leon shouted, eyes watering.
You idiot, I thought.
I was so self-centred. So focused on finding my brother and my mother. I hadn’t thought about Leon’s parents. His brother, Carl. People we’d left behind when my father saved us. I remembered Leon sobbing as he begged my father to turn around.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “We need to find your family too.”
Leon viciously shook his head. “Only if we find an answer, Jill. Only if we find a way to save them.”
My friend entered my childhood bedroom, and I followed him. I imagine that visiting one’s childhood home is a strange experience for anyone, but strangeness morphs into horror when that home is trapped in a moment of time. I felt physically unwell when I saw the glass of water on the bedside table, fresh as it had been on the day that my dad took us to the park. Life had continued for me, but the town was still trapped in that dreadful, inexplicable day.
“Jillian,” Leon said calmly. “There are people outside.”
He was standing in front of my bedroom window, and when I joined him, eyeing the road below, I saw them. A man and a woman who seemed to be in their mid-forties. The man wore ill-fitting clothes. A chequered shirt two sizes too small, and a pair of torn jeans. The woman, on the other hand, wore a pristine, shapely dress with a floral pattern. She looked oddly familiar, though her eyes were jittery and unfocused. It was the man who’d locked his eyes onto our house.
“I… vaguely recognise her,” Leon said.
I nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know her name, but I remember her. She looks a tad older, perhaps. I don’t know the man though.”
“You stay here,” Leon said, reaching inside his coat. “Don’t come out.”
“What are you holding?” I frowned, noting his shiftiness.
“Just…” Leon concealed his hand within the thick, wintry coat. “Are you going to stay in here?”
My eyes grew as I spotted a glint of metal. “You don’t… No, Leon. Please. Don’t tell me you have what I think you have.”
“We had no idea what we were going to find here,” The man protested.
I scoffed. “Leon Taylor? Carrying a gun? The boy who berated me for killing me a spider.”
Before he replied, there came the sound of the front door swinging open. And when we spun our heads back to the bedroom window, we saw that the man and woman were no longer on the street. I realised they were inside.
“Hello?” Called a man from downstairs. “We mean you no harm.”
“I have a weapon,” Leon yelled, slipping the pistol out of a hidden holster.
“Don’t shoot… It’s Bernie Bradley…” The man shouted weakly.
My mouth gaped. Bernie Bradley was in my brother’s school year. I remembered him. And as I recalled the face of the man I’d seen on the street, I didn’t find it hard to believe it had been the face of that same boy, twenty-six years into the future.
“What do you want?” I yelled.
“To help you,” He replied. “Before they come.”
“Who?” Leon asked.
“I’ll tell you if you put that weapon away,” Bernie said.
“I don’t trust you enough for that,” My friend growled.
“Are you Leon Taylor?” The man asked.
“Why?” Leon responded.
“Sydney Manley pushed you off the swing set, and you called her a fat cow,” Bernie said. “She ran home in tears.”
It wasn’t enough. In a place like that, which defied all laws of rationality, it wasn’t enough for Bernie Bradley to know that. But Leon and I needed it to be enough because we were hopelessly alone. Hopelessly afraid. And hopelessly desperate.
My friend re-holstered his weapon, and we walked onto the landing. Bernie and the woman were midway up the stairs. The man’s hands were raised, but the woman barely seemed aware of where they were. Barely seemed aware of herself.
“Leon Taylor and Jillian Maynard. Is that right?” Bernie asked.
“How did you recognise us?” I asked.
“You were the only ones who escaped,” He replied. “The Maynards and Leon Taylor.”
“The only ones?” Leon asked incredulously.
Bernie nodded. “Others tried, but the frost got them.”
“So, why aren’t you…” I started, unable to finish.
“Mind if we sit down before I answer that?” He asked.
I looked at Leon, and my friend begrudgingly nodded. We all headed to the living room and sat down. Once we did, Bernie Bradley told us an incredible story, and the woman beside him simply rocked on the sofa, face painted with a disturbing smile.
Bernie had been a ten-year-old boy, sitting at his bedroom desk, when the chill swept through his room. He told us that he remembered nothing but a black void. He might’ve been there for an eternity, or it might’ve been less than a moment.
When he woke from that dark slumber, still a ten-year-old boy sitting in the desk chair, Bernie looked out of the bedroom window. He was overcome by the horrible feeling that time had been lost, but he didn’t know how much. And when he saw residents frozen in the street, he realised that something awful had happened. Bernie found his own paused parents in the kitchen, and they were completely unresponsive to his pleas.
The lonely, frightened boy ran through the town, calling for help. Nobody answered. After a long day of searching, he returned to his house in tears. For a week, Bernie lived on cans of food from the cupboards. And then he heard shouting from the street.
“Hello? Is anybody there?” A man called.
Bernie ran outside to find Mr Johnson. The farmer had just woken from ‘a darkness’ to find the town full of statues. Bernie told Mr Johnson that he’d been alone for a week, but he had no idea how long he’d been frozen before that. The boy wanted to leave, but the farmer said they had to save as many people as possible. They had a duty to do so. After all, neither the farmer nor the boy knew what might happen to them if they were to run. The frost might return.
Anyway, Mr Johnson took Bernie under his wing. The crops in his field, thankfully, had unfrozen, as had his entire farmhouse. Mr Johnson fed Bernie, and the two of them survived. A week later, they found Elizabeth Coulter, the local headteacher, wandering through the town. Over the course of the following year, a dozen more unfrozen souls were saved and brought back to Mr Johnson’s farm.
But things changed as time passed. The newer thawed souls were unhinged. The longer a person had been trapped in that black stasis, the less human they became. They were still intelligible, but they spoke only of the voice in the void. A voice that they missed in the land of the living. They were irritable, but Mr Johnson cared for them, all the same. Eventually, they fled.
This only worsened as the years went by. After a decade, Bernie’s mother and father unfroze. However, his dad ran, and his mum only remained because she was lost and confused. She would rant and rave about the Speaker. The one that would make everything better. The one that would make them all eternal.
It was during the year of 2018 that things crossed a terrifying line. Mr Johnson had decided that newcomers were not welcome. It was a decision of necessity, not cruelty. The recently unfrozen folk had become more than unintelligible. They had become dangerous.
“Hark! The Speaker calls!” Walter Frankton screamed.
The middle-aged man, who had once been a police officer, was standing outside Mr Johnson’s farmhouse. When the community of sane people emerged, they screeched at the sight of Walter holding a charred body above his head. Nobody identified the burnt corpse, but Mr Johnson wasted no time in drawing his rifle and giving Mr Frankton ten seconds to flee.
Bernie explained that Walter laughed demonically, before disappearing into the night. Over the coming years, bodies were found in the street. Followers of the Speaker would relentlessly pursue Mr Johnson’s community, so the sane folk kept distant from the people of the Speaker. Few of Mr Johnson’s followers understood why they stayed, yet nobody felt able to leave. Something was keeping them there.
A couple of weeks before Leon and I arrived, however, Bernie said that Mr Johnson finally announced his plan to leave. There were murmurs of uncertainty. Everybody wanted to escape, of course, but fear had always stopped them. Still, they trusted Mr Johnson. If anybody had the power to safely lead them away from the place controlling their minds, it had to be the brave farmer. Packing and preparations began.
However, some days later, Bernie Bradley happened to look out of an upstairs window and notice Mr Johnson. The old man was wandering aimlessly onto the driveway, stumbling like a drunken man towards his vehicle. Bernie said there was a small child standing beside the car. The young boy led Mr Johnson to the driver’s door with a smile, and the two of them fled.
Things disintegrated after that. When a Molotov cocktail found its way through a window, the community dispersed. The sane folk fled in different directions, and Bernie was left alone with his mother.
“We’ve been running for days,” Bernie explained. “I keep finding the bodies of people from my community. Charred corpses in the street. I tried to leave this town, but it wouldn’t let me. The farther I drove, the sharper the pang in my heart. I knew I'd die if I were to keep going.”
“How did you find us?” Leon asked.
“I heard you,” Bernie replied. “Hard to miss the sound of an engine in a dead place like this. I had a hunch that it might be you.”
“You must've heard my brother then?” I asked hopefully.
Bernie frowned. “Alan's here? That might explain the raucous a few days ago… I don’t know what I heard. Noise. Lots of it... You won't find him, Jill. You have to run whilst it still lets you. The frost might be gone, but… something lingers.”
“The Speaker?” Leon asked.
Bernie nodded. “I was fortunate enough to never hear it. Or never remember hearing it. I don't know what it said to them. My mother won't tell me.”
Bernie looked at the woman next to him. The one who appeared to be the same age as him, though I realised he was still a decade younger. The horror of our town had aged him beyond his years.
“It will be so glorious…” Bernie’s mother giggled, eyes bearing faint pupils behind mild cataracts.
“You’re lucky that they didn’t see you arrive,” Bernie said. “Otherwise, you’d be dead already. But they’ll come. Sooner or later. And you need to listen to me if you want a safe way out of here. Okay? We need to distract them. Keep them off your backs.”
I shook my head. “I need to find my brother. I know he came to this town. I thought I'd find him in our home, but–”
“– Walter wanted him,” Bernie’s mother hissed.
The woman stopped rocking. Stopped smiling. And her head snapped to face me with such eerie speed that I thought it might entirely disconnect from her neck. Bernie quivered, seemingly just as horrified by his mother’s words as the rest of us.
“Mother…?” He asked.
“Walter wanted him. Walter wanted him. Walter wanted him!” The woman laughed, taunting me.
“What does she mean?” I sobbed. “Does Walter Frankton have my brother?”
Bernie’s face whitened. “If he does, your brother's either been flayed or charred.”
“Christ, Bernie,” Leon replied.
I sniffled. “I won’t leave until I know.”
“He’s already dead,” Bernie bluntly said.
“We don’t know that!” I cried.
I thought the others were sitting in stunned silence because I’d spoken so assertively. However, as I calmed my breathing, and the throbbing sensation in my ears quietened, I heard it too. The sound of laughing voices. Bernie’s mother strained to smile broadly. She looked as pained as my mother, but grateful for the privilege of the discomfort.
“You don't want to see this. We'll head through the back. Do not look at the street...” Bernie hoarsely pleaded as I rose.
But I was already running to the door.
I flung it open and started to run down the path, with Leon and Bernie in tow. Then, my eyes met the mob spilling beyond the end of the street. The crowd easily numbered a hundred people, and each face wore a terrible smile. Eyes glassy, yet all-seeing.
There was a man shuffling from the crowd towards me, like a terrified toddler taking its first steps. I tried to blot his face from my mind. I didn’t want to see it, though it was too late for that. I’d seen everything the moment I faced the crowd. Eventually, I fell to my knees and howled as I embraced the truth.
The shuffling man, who had been flayed alive, was my brother.
Alan reached towards me with an outstretched hand, weakly shouting something, before toppling forwards. He was reduced to a motionless heap on the road.
“Jill!” Leon cried again, rushing to me. “We have to go!”
I continued to wail as the gleeful crowd surged forwards. I resisted Leon, but he easily hauled my limp body to the car and bundled me into the back.
“He needs help...” I blubbered.
“He’s gone, Jill,” Leon whispered.
“What about your family?” I asked.
“They’re all gone...” He sniffled, stepping on the accelerator.
Staring through the rear-view window, I watched the crowd approach my old home. Bernie stood on the front porch, and his mother had her hands on his shoulders. The man did not run. As we pulled off the driveway, it almost seemed as if he, too, finally had a smile on his face. The mob swarmed Bernie, and I heard a brief cry of agony. It may have been ecstatic or fearful. It may have been both.
After we crossed the border, no chill pierced us. We were free to leave. But I know Leon and I belong to that town. I have always suspected that the wind grazed its teeth against my skin when I was a child. It grazed all of us. For, even now, I still feel that link. That urge to return to the salivating mob with a smile on my face.
When I returned home to find that my father was missing, I knew he felt it too.

31F, I’m a long distance runner—never been injured before. I ran my 6th marathon a month ago felt great and had no pain issues at all. Took off 2 weeks post marathon and when I started back up I started to get pain when running in the lateral and back lateral part of my knee. Got an MRI and it says “ACL is grossly intact, thickened in appearance with T2 hyper-intensity which may reflect subacute on chronic sprain.” It also said there’s small joint swelling but everything else is intact “no definitive meniscus tear.” Also says I have "Patella alta, grade II/II chondromalacia."
What is weird though, is that all my symptoms are lateral and mostly mechanical. I'm getting a lot of cracking in the front of the knee but that's it. When I walk or run, the strain is concentrated to the lateral knee and lateral back of knee. Haven't seen an actual ortho yet but the PA and NP were basically like PT will fix it and here's this brace keep stretching.
Anybody have experience with this?

Synopsis: Markus is summoned from Earth by evil beings looking for a 'weak and primitive' creature to use as sacrificial entertainment. What they got instead was a human. Immediately after arriving, Markus awakens to an ability so rare, so powerful that it makes every god on Firellia desperate to recruit him as their new champion.
Learning to control his innate mastery over mana, Markus will devour the very essence of any monster, demon, or god that dares get in his way, determined to never lose his freedom again.
——
First Prev Next Patreon
[Hellhound. Essence Attunement: Fire/???. Level: ??. Threat level: Extremely High.]
The dog growled as it sized him up, two horns shooting out from its head radiating in a golden glow, complete with patterns that reminded him of his glaive when freshly imbued. Weird. Very weird…
He didn’t get long to think about it as the dog lunged in his direction. He thanked Heavenly Fuck that he felt well-rested enough to move properly, barely dodging as the creature lunged in his direction and left a fresh crack in the wall right behind him. Voices shot up in the distance, other prisoners roused by the commotion, but he couldn’t see any of them.
He hadn’t paid much attention as he’d been dragged in, as exhausted as he was at the time, but his cell was further along than most and in an apparent blindspot. He wasn’t even sure if a guard would hear all of this straight away…
The dog snarled in his direction, snapping at the air and ducking low to the ground, looking ready to pounce once more. Markus smashed the plate against the wall as it moved closer, scrambling to grab the biggest piece he could and nicking one of his fingers in the process.
Good. He needed it sharp.
Another lunge, and this time, while the dog still missed him, snapping at where his arm had been moments ago with its sharp and ferocious maw, it still managed to brush close enough to him that the hairs on his right arm were seared off by flame. The heat radiating from the creature made him jump back against the bars behind him, cursing and waving his arm manically.
He’d been resting… his mana pool had increased pretty dramatically while he’d been asleep, almost back to its capacity, and while it was G grade, he had a fair amount of Frost Mana at his disposal and a decent idea of how to move it within his body.
He used the few moments he had to try and coat his arms and torso in it. He needed to not burn up instantly just from coming near the creature, or he’d never be able to strike it.
The helldog wasn’t content waiting for him to sloppily reposition his mana, and spat molten flame directly at Markus’ body. He couldn’t dodge a projectile at that speed, he couldn’t even react from this distance…
It hit him straight on. He felt a small measure of flesh within his shoulder beginning to melt away, and shot as much Frost Mana as he possibly could at the impact zone to try and mitigate the damage, but it was already pretty severe.
[E Grade Flame Mana absorbed.]
No clue if that was of any use. Surely this thing was impervious to flames…
He’d lost a chunk of flesh about the size of a grape already, and the pain was spreading from his shoulder and radiating along his whole neck, making it hard to see even see straight, let alone command his body to move.
The dog’s many rows of teeth clamping around his right arm seemed to snap him out of things.
If it wasn’t for the coating of Frost Mana acting as a barrier, he was pretty sure the hound would’ve torn the arm from him in a single bite, but the small measure of protection he’d been afforded kept him from instantly losing his limb.
Nonetheless, Markus fell to his knees, wracked by pain. This wasn’t like the bulleater. He’d thought that thing was fast, but this was no fucking joke. This thing would tear him apart in only a few moments more if he didn’t find a way out fast, and it was almost impossible to stage a counterattack against something that moved so quickly, not to mention its incredibly potent attacks…
Was he really going to allow himself to die here?
Markus sent a pulse of mana through his mangled arm; it was the only way he could make the nerves respond. The dog shook and ragged at his arm as all the while he tried to force enough energy into it to make it move. This was spirit mana. He was using it to make his thumbs and fingers twitch. Each response came with an explosive bout of pain, and he eventually gave up on trying to yank his arm out.
He’d established a connection with the creature. All he wanted to do from this spot was drain it. It was the only way he could think of to turn the tide of this fight, but his hand was nowhere near able to touch it directly, not with how it held his forearm near the elbow.
Markus stabbed forwards with the bit of plate in his left hand, desperate, aiming for the side of the creature’s face. He needed it to let go. He felt like his heart was gonna fucking explode. The pain was intolerable, insane.
The impact caused the creature to relax its jaws, but little more. Markus had burned up his left hand stabbing it in such a manner, and while he just about managed to pull his right arm free after, it was hanging so limp that he might as well have lost it, sizeable chunks of flesh missing, bleeding profusely even in spite of how he continually attempted to freeze over the fresh wounds…
The dog lost focus for a moment, a large tongue lulling from its panting mouth. It licked over the area in which it’d been stabbed, and within moments, the bleeding began to cease. The wound receded into fresh flames, looking partway healed already, and Markus began to wonder just why it was that the entire world seemed to be against him. Had he done something to deserve this torment and struggle? Did the universe just hate him?
He was running low on options. Shooting Life and Blood Mana towards his wounds sounded like the ideal option, but he’d still not figured out how to do that on the fly, and within the tight confines of the cell, he wouldn’t be able to run from this thing for long. His right arm was basically out of commission, and he had yet to try channelling Frost Mana through his left.
Still… first time for everything.
Markus fell to his backside trying to scoop up the rag from the floor. He couldn’t just shoot it out without freezing his hand off. He’d learned from his practice that he still needed a conduit. Channelling as much of his remaining Frost Mana into the miserable material as he could, he attempted to form a ring of icy energy from the rag as he worked his resource into it, knowing that if this had no effect, he’d be fucked, that this was likely his last and only hope at some means of turning the tide, with the alternative being horrific and torturous death at this beast’s claws.
Fuck… why did the thing have to be on fucking fire?! If he could just grab it by the scruff and drain it, then maybe he’d have a fighting chance!
Well, that was what he was banking on. Once he’d poured as much ice into the rag as he could manage, he lunged at the creature, blanketing it in the cool aura and pushing back the flames that surrounded its body.
It looked far less menacing when it wasn’t exploding with fire, but still it rippled with muscle.
Markus threw himself onto its back with no restraint, still burning up as he did so even as he blanketed it in Frost Mana. The rag sizzled as it pressed against the creature’s back, and through the thin surface, Markus pressed his hand against the creature’s skin hard, praying it’d count as prolonged contact, that the system wouldn’t begrudge him using a layer of separation to keep his hand from melting off.
He pressed it down harder and harder, like a patty on a grill, watching as his hand seared with impossible heat, until finally, finally, a new prompt established itself, and Markus screamed his confirmation with such hastened intensity that his voice rang out and echoed through the entire chamber.
[Mana Drain initialised. Transferring essence. D Grade Blood Mana, D Grade Flame Mana, E Grade Spirit Mana, C Grade Life Mana, and A Grade Divine Mana are currently being syphoned.]
At least two other notifications besides that ticked by Markus as the creature growled and thrashed, seemingly pained by the transaction, its horns glowing brighter, its body a furnace, as all the while Markus clung on for dear life, his hand frying as his whole body slowly caught up, his eyes steaming so heavily he could barely see, his balance so precarious that he worried any second he’d fall straight forwards and fry himself on the creature’s flaming back.
[Mana threshold at 100% capacity. Excess Life and Blood mana will fuel Regeneration and Growth.]
He was entering Overcharge again. He could feel it this time as he knew what to expect. The bolster in strength he gained was still enough to make him feel superhuman, but compared to the monster’s power he was still entirely dwarfed.
Holding on was almost impossible. The fact that the fires on the creature’s back began to dim and dwindle after a time was the only thing that stopped him from combusting himself. The healing waves flowing into him from the creature’s blood were doing just enough to offset the constant injuries mounting on him that he could keep himself in this position for just a little longer.
“Just hold on. Just hold on…” He repeated the mantra to himself with what little bit of wherewithal he had left, anything to ground him in the moment, to halt him succumbing to exhaustion. Even with all the new power that flowed into him, he felt ruined by the pain he’d endured, his mind reeling and on the verge of breaking entirely.
As the creature’s horns began to dim, Markus felt a new power flow into him all at once. It was something utterly unlike any of the other mana types he’d previously harnessed. This one was so powerful, so prominent that it threatened to engulf him entirely. And with it, with the A grade Divine Mana that flowed into his body as he kept himself firmly rooted, he felt something beyond simple power.
He felt a command. A spur to violence. An innate desire to hurt… himself?
[Mana threshold at 242% capacity. Mana Poisoning I in effect. Overcharge in effect.]
[Regeneration: 4 >> 8. New path available. 10 Arcana required.]
[Right arm is critically injured.]
The creature finally threw Markus off right as the horns on its head stopped glowing gold, the etchings within them beginning to fade.
He could still feel the echo of Divine Mana within his body as he clattered against the stone floor, attempting to pull his charred body up and to his feet. Even with Regeneration running fully through him, even with it having improved over the course of his fight, he was still very injured, much moreso than he had been in his first fight. He couldn’t take much more damage. His drain attack seemed to have barely affected the creature stood before him, and yet…
It wasn’t attacking him. If anything, the creature seemed to be eyeing him warily. Why the sudden change? Had his attack scared it that much?
When Markus sprang to its feet, the creature lashed forwards, barking manically, but as soon as he hit the wall, it sprang back towards its hind legs, appearing more threatened than bloodthirsty.
Markus panted, fighting for breath as the creature growled before him. Its demeanour was…
Markus tried to take stock of the situation. Of the mana he’d gained from the creature, of what he might be able to do or use from here in order to mount a counterattack. It was only as he began to mentally work through his options and realised that the creature still wasn’t attacking, that he slowly began to realise…
This Divine Mana… it was powerful. Seriously fucking powerful. He could feel an echo of it inside of him at all times, even when usually he couldn’t differentiate the mana types flowing within his body. And even beyond that, he could feel a purpose etched into it. Even now, he felt the innate desire to attack himself, a fervant need that transcended common sense or emotion.
It was only his awareness of its source that managed to quell the power, to still it. He worried that if he were only a touch less cognisant, he’d have fallen into a stupor from only touching this incredible, alien power…
The gears began to turn in his head all at once. That was why the dog was so intent on killing him only moments ago, that was why it seemed so out of sorts now. It’d been charmed! Commanded! Forced to do someone else’s dirty work!
And if the kind of mana used was any indication… he could guess pretty easily what kind of being might be responsible for such an ambush. At this rate, gods didn’t seem much better than demons.
Still, none of this solved the problem of the 300 pound flaming hellhound stood in his cell with him, looking like it was wondering how the hell it had gotten there. It still seemed incredibly untrustworthy of him. Well ditto. This thing could likely rip him in half with a well-timed sneeze, if what he’d experienced already was any indication, and he really wasn’t looking to get on its bad side.
“Easy…” He held his left hand up, trying his hardest not to invite the creature to bite it off in the process. What else was he meant to do? Stand here stock still for god knows how long as he bled out? He couldn’t make a run for it, because that might spur the creature to attack, but he could hardly approach it either when it looked so defensive! What the hell was his way out of this?!
The helldog stared at him as he spoke, snarling in his general direction. Markus cursed his luck that he hadn’t been given more than cheese, that he didn’t have some meat to throw its way, but he knew he’d have already eaten it if that’d been the case. There was no easy solution. All he could do was study the creature and try to find a way forwards.
“Yeah! I don’t know why you’re here either!”
He used the calmest, softest voice he could. He hoped it’d have some small effect on the skittish, massive creature, but it only seemed to eye him with something between wariness and confusion. Markus moved once more, adjusting his injured shoulder, and it growled once more.
It’s really reactive… is it hurt? How much does it remember?
Markus didn’t risk moving again for a while. The dog stared at him for another couple of minutes, coming up to sniff for a moment, almost making Markus yelp and jump back to avoid the flames, but eventually, it lost interest, sauntering over to a corner of the cell a small distance away and laying down.
It didn’t appear restful. Markus panted and sighed, attempting to adjust to the overheating room as all the while he watched the dog repeatedly lick at its shoulder.
It kept going for the same spot, stalling, then returning to lick it some more. He’d already seen its tongue had healing properties, he’d watched it repair a cut on its face like it was nothing, and yet…
Was it trying to heal a spot it couldn’t reach? Was that why it was so defensive?
Markus attempted to use [Identify] to see beyond the flames, but he couldn’t properly confirm his hunch. All he could think was that the area he’d drained the hellhound from had left a lingering mark, or some other form of pain, and that the creature couldn’t right it due to the angle of the injury, leaving it in a perpetual state of discomfort.
Markus weighed his options. Standing here like this for much longer was gonna cause him to faint. He knew he couldn’t keep on his feet forever. Fainting wasn’t an option. This thing could get hungry any minute and decide he looked appetising. Besides that, the commotion outside seemed to have died down. No one was coming to check on him. Either no guard had heard it, or no one thought the sounds warranted investigation. Not great news for him.
That left two options: try and kill it while it was distracted and not paying him any mind, or somehow attempt to heal the creature.
Usually, he wouldn’t even consider the idea of killing something this tough—the amount of damage he’d inflicted so far seemed pretty pitiful. That being said, now he had an incredible portion of mana floating in his body. If he could make that into a weapon, then maybe…
No. Too much could go wrong, and besides that, it didn’t seem right. Of his two options, either of them seemed about as likely to doom him, so why go for the unfair one? What right did he have to snuff out this creature who’d been forced and compelled to do things it didn’t want to?
The bulleater was aggressive. It’d have always killed him if he didn’t kill it. This was different. This thing was…
Scared. Scared and hurt.
It took Markus time to find the flow of Blood Mana in his body. He couldn’t pin down Life Mana at all. It was too nebulous of a concept for him to grasp. Blood Mana flowed like one might expect, however, rhythmically with the beating of his heart. Gathering it was less of a task than he’d anticipated. If anything, it felt easier to recognise when he was bleeding, and Markus was bleeding pretty profusely.
Once he’d brought enough to bear, he tested trying to push some of it into his mangled right arm.
Mixed results. It didn’t necessarily speed up his healing, but it decreased the pain somewhat. In the background, a notification dinged from his discovery.
Another thing to check later. For now, Markus needed to attempt this before he lost consciousness.
He advanced on the creature slowly, whistling as he did so. He’d thought about rushing it before it could react, but he was sure it’d end in his demise. All he could do was trust in the monster. Any aggressive movements, and he’d abort instantly.
The helldog didn’t lunge for him. Rather it stared at him, flinching a little as he drew incrementally closer, but not rushing back to its feet. Markus was moving so delicately that he felt like a trapeze artist, all the while brandishing the soft aura of the Blood Mana residing in his palm, straining with the effort to keep the power in place.
“Shh… it’s okay…” The helldog barked once as Markus finally got a couple of feet away, flinching hard as he began to lower his hand.
Markus stood incredibly still. Even through the burning sensation emanating from its vicinity, he simply stood and withstood it as best he could, even when his body begged him to pull away. For a good twenty seconds, he remained this way, waiting for the animal to lower its guard.
Not only did the dog relax a little, but the flames around its fur dimmed somewhat, their intensity lowering a fair amount. Did it understand? Was it inviting him to pet it?
Perhaps it was used to affection?. Maybe it simply didn’t consider Markus such a threat anymore. Either way, it laid back down, its heat more akin to that of a boiling kettle than that of a roaring furnace now, though even that was barely tolerable.
Was he really gonna stick his hand in this creature’s fur again? Was he willing to withstand the pain?
Yeah. Fuck it, he’d come this far. May as well see it through.
It hurt less than he anticipated. Maybe the Blood Mana was numbing his hand. The creature flinched as soon as he touched it, but it didn’t attack. The effects of the flow of Blood Mana seemed to be pretty instantaneous, and while Markus couldn’t readily choose between grades, he knew that some of the more potent Blood Mana had come from this creature already, and feeding it back was likely doing a decent job of alleviating its ailments, or at the very least dulling the pain.
Markus didn’t entirely know what he was doing. He wasn’t sure if he was healing it really, or simply taking the pain away for a while, but either way, the results seemed to be positive. When he finally pulled his hand away, the mark on the creature’s neck was still there, but the helldog seemed much more relaxed. It didn’t jump to alert, it didn’t turn around and snap at him, and it didn’t otherwise freak out in any noticeable way.
As far as impossible situations and favourable outcomes went, this seemed pretty okay. Markus felt much less worried about the prospect of this thing turning around and attacking him. The next few minutes cemented that, as at once, the dog turned to face Markus, licking his left hand, the one he’d all but fried in an attempt to drain it earlier, then heal it not long after.
In the space of two licks, the helldog undid most of that damage. His hand looked as if it had been burnt weeks ago, and barely hurt anymore.
[D Grade Life Mana absorbed.]
It didn’t take the creature long to notice his mangled arm. Markus didn’t have to ask, the creature healed him automatically, undoing in seconds what natural healing might’ve never accomplished.
Markus stifled a laugh as the creature healed his burning shoulder, as all the while, a shadow crept over the cell door, blanketing them both. He had more than ten notifications to go through from his last fight, alongside a couple of level ups to contend with, but all of those new considerations were put on pause as he looked up to find a familiar face staring down at him, looking faintly amused at the scenario he bore witness to.
It was one of the gods from the arena. The tall one, with features so distinct you could see him from a mile away, and the brightest golden eyes that Markus had ever seen.
He cleared his throat, the helldog instantly freezing in place as he did so.
“Hello, mortal. Perhaps I’ve come at a bad time?”
Oh, right. A bunch of gods wanted to buy his soul, or something. Somehow, in the midst of fighting for his life every damn second since he’d arrived in this fucking hellhole, he’d almost forgotten about that!
//
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A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading! Really happy to share this one with you, it was super fun to write and I really hope the end result of the fight was satisfying. In other news, was real hard at work writing a ton extra today! 7000 word writing sessions are crazy though. I'm beat.
Mayy not be around to post tomorrow. Will try to be if possible. If I do take one day off posting, it'll be tomorrow. Otherwise, no days off for the foreseeable future!
If you wanna help support me and this story, or you just can't wait for the next chapter, the next eight chapters of this story are available right now on my Patreon!

Apologize in advance for the length, but I’m gonna give you basically the whole rundown of my process thus far since getting out and what my goals are. I am unsure if my steps to achieve this are solid or would even help.
Current Ratings and Conditions from OG rating:

1. Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Anxiety and Depressed Mood - 30%
2. Left Shoulder Tendinitis - 20%
3. Right Shoulder Tendinitis - 20%
4. Lumbosacral Strain - 10%
5. Left Knee Tendinitis - 10%
6. Right Knee Tendinitis - 10%
7. Tinnitus - 10%

Denied Claims:

1. Bilateral Hearing Loss
2. Sleep Apnea (still not sure how, all docs tell me I have every symptom but sleep study never shows it)
3. Vision/Eye Condition (vision loss)

Goals:

1. Increase my rating for adjustment disorder (mental health rating) from 30% to 70% due to worsening symptoms and/or terrible initial exam.
2. Increase my ratings for both shoulders and knees due to increased pain and decreased mobility/functionality. 3. Submit new claims for:

• PTSD (Non-Combat): Experiencing traumatic events and stressors while in my field of work.
• Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Bilateral: Caused by repetitive tasks and heavy lifting during service.
• Migraines/Headaches: Persistent since service, likely linked to occupational and hazardous exposures from service.

Evidence/Appointments and Documentation (This is the area Im struggling to make sure I am good in before initial submission of 526EZ)

1. VA Health Records: I have a comprehensive 168-page VA health document detailing all my visits, secure messages, and prescriptions from MyHealth site, (but reading the notes, it seems my providers half assed the info and it seems like they aren't listening and making it seem like I am doing better.
2. Buddy Statements: Planning to include statements from colleagues and my wife to support my claims.
3. Personal Statements: Detailed descriptions of my experiences and how they have affected my mental and physical health.
4. Psychotherapy will be scheduled soon for a deeper dive into my worsening mental health issues.
5. I have my annual June 13 with PCM and will discuss my issues as well

Mental Health Details:

• Symptoms: Severe anxiety, panic attacks, depression, irritability, social withdrawal, hyper-vigilance, occasional suicidal idealization and others I have listed in my personal statement.
• Impact on Life: Difficulty maintaining relationships and professional demeanor, issues with concentration and memory, and significant distress triggered by reminders of past traumatic events.

Physical Health Details:

• Shoulders: Increased pain, limited range of motion, frequent dislocations, and inability to lift heavy objects or engage in physical activities.
• Knees: Chronic pain, difficulty walking long distances or climbing stairs, and pain during physical activities.
• Carpal Tunnel: Persistent pain, numbness, and tingling in both hands, difficulty with grip and fine motor tasks. - Migraines/Headaches: Frequent and debilitating, affecting daily functioning and potentially linked to hazardous substance exposure during service.

Whole Claims Process so far:
To start, I was going with a claim shark during this process who, looking back not after researching my own ignorance to the type of companies, half tried on my claim to get a quick buck if accepted. (Seems reason I got denied was bc of the bare minimum that was put fourth from Vets guardian and my ignorance for the sup and HLR denial)
-A supplemental claim for mental health last year was filed and was denied in November 2023 (MH rating went from 30 to 70, then back to 30 once I got denial letter). -A higher-level review was pursued, which was also denied in May 2024. I believe inconsistencies and lack of thorough documentation on their part (and mine since I didn't know better at the time) may have contributed to these denials. -I have since stated another intent to file (good till April 2025) and have done my own thing to gather evidence or as much as I can before continuing to submitting the initial claim request. Besides my buddy statements/personal statement and the info on MyHealth site i got nothing else to present and I am unsure if that is good or not. My insurance also sucks so if I did want to go to a normal doc, I will be billed 400+ a visit, not to mention the actions of the visit so idk what to do for best options and results.
I am looking to take my overall rating from 70 to 100, and based on my issues I know it is possible, hard but possible. I would love any input or help from the stage I am at, should I just submit what I have and wait for the exams to be scheduled or wait? Also am I trying to claim new shit that wont even matter in the end?
I have redacted versions of all my VA stuff too if anyone needs to put eyes on it

wordoc:
Feb 11, 2023
Day 16 - Groundhog Day
I am on day 16 of recovery. Overall the pain is improving, but the pace is frustratingly slow, non-linear, and the left side remains very tender all the time, with flare ups that take the pain to a 6/10. I ice every day, wear the jock, and ibuprofen helps. Even basic stuff like picking up my kids or sitting without a cushion aggravates it.
Like most, I went into this assuming the risks were low and minor, that I would be on my ass for 3 days, and back to normal activities around day 7. This was based on my consultation with my urologist and my research, which to that point was limited. I followed the prevailing advice that recovery is easy for 98% of patients.
So when the 1 week mark passed and I was still feeling like a bruised vegetable, I started to think "welp, must be PVPS". I guessed I ended up in the 2% whose lives are ruined by nutsack pain, and I had my first glimpse of that dark hole of fear.
So began the psychological challenge of this process. I've always counted on my mental strength, so I was surprised how much the ballpain could take control of my outlook on life, to say nothing of my outlook on this recovery.
On day 7, my urologist's PA told me "it's not uncommon to have pain and discomfort for up to 2 weeks." An ultrasound revealed cysts that they called benign and they did not attribute the pain to them. I believe them. Sort of.
On day 15, I got "it's not uncommon to have pain and discomfort for up to 4 weeks."
I appreciate their reassurance, but it's difficult to live with moving goalposts when my rocks are yelling at me. I wonder at what point they would say "ok, that's not common, something is wrong." How long into recovery would this type of pain be considered uncommon? 3 months? 12? Why don't they just say that? At least then I could spare myself the anguish of living like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.
So I keep telling myself to chill out. Clearly I got bad information about the recovery timeframe and those moving goalposts are just setting me up for more frustration and disappointment when the 1st, 2nd, 4th week pass and I'm still not where I want to be.
Like many others here, I am trying to get a more realistic sense of my recovery time. I'm not in the best-case scenario but that doesn't mean I'm in the worst-case either.
Does anyone have a similar experience or thought process?
Any bets on when Groundhog Day ends? 3 months? 6 months?
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/10zrquw/day_16_groundhog_day/
Feb 25, 2023
I'm 4.5 weeks postop. So frustrating to deal with these unexpected pains without knowing for sure what's causing them. Things will improve for us but it's hard not knowing when, especially as we get further and further away from that original 1-week expectation.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/11bmpss/deleted_by_usej9zju9p/
Baby steps. The constant pain is now constant discomfort, with less frequent and less severe flare-ups. I've been able to ease back into very low-intensity activities. I am annoyed as hell but as long as I continue to feel progress I am not worried.
I hate hearing myself complain about it so I am careful about bringing it up and sounding like a broken record, but talking with people close to me has helped me get out of my own head a little bit.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/11e5jav/day_18_painful_and_nonlinear_recovery/jadck7a/
I've been hanging around here since my vasectomy in January and I've also found it helpful. There are some scary stories that add to my worst fears, but on the other hand there are the encouraging stories that offer reassurance and optimism.
I thought I'd be ready to rock after a week or two, and when it became clear that wasn't the case, I was afraid of being damned to eternal PVPS hell. Honestly if not for this subreddit I would have no idea that it can take a few months for the body to heal and adjust and be fine.
Sucks not to be able to exercise still. But we're gonna get there. Keep the doctor updated and be easy on yourself. I am sure you will feel better in another fortnight.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/11f55ou/my_vasectomy_journey/jai4fdi/
Mar 09, 2023
I hear you 100% on the mental and physical exhaustion. I can barely play with my kids, let alone get back to exercise/sports.
Had mine done the same day as yours. My pain and timeline is similar, except my urologist's office hasn't diagnosed anything. Last week they referred me to pelvic floor PT and prescribed antibiotics, but those are just shots in the dark. Ultrasound showed some epi inflammation where the pain is, which they said is residual and will improve.
They reassure me that what I really need is time. Knowing that some people deal with this shit for a few months and then are fine, I'm going with that for now. There does seem to be small progress most weeks. In the meantime I'm trying to find ways to be as active as possible without making things worse.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/11msk5k/deleted_by_usejbkc4wx/
Mar 14, 2023
I know it's easier said than done, but check your stress. You're very likely gonna be ok and the stress is just not worth it. You are still healing, despite all the uncertainty and weird pains.
I am on week 7. Here's what is working for me: wear the jock all the damn time and don't go poking around. Physically: take walks but don't push it and don't lift anything. Sexually: have sex/masturbate but don't push it and abstain for at least 2 days between each time, more is even better. When you do, take it slow. If you feel pain then resist the urge; take a shower and turn on a movie or video game for a distraction.
Keep in touch with the doctor even if they aren't much help. Ask them all the questions. You're their patient. Find out what pain meds you can take to help you get through this shit. Aleve twice a day works great for me. Take an ultrasound just in case there is something to treat now or to rule stuff out.
Note your progress, however slow, week over week. It is getting better. We're not worried about PVPS until at least 6 months. For now, we accept the recovery time and the associated pains, we don't let it fuck with our heads, and we get on with as much of our life as we can.
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/11qxehh/its_only_been_five_weeks_but_im_having_pain/jc6p99o/

I waited as long as I could - a full week - and masturbated just once on Sunday evening. Within an hour, I could tell the pain was at least slightly worse

How long did the slightly worse pain last for?
I have good days and bad days and I honestly can't tell what triggers the bad days.
I get it. This isn't at all what we thought we were signing up for. Basically the opposite. And I'm not sure I've been thinking clearly either since before the snip, thanks to the constant pain. But there is definitely still healing happening at 7 weeks, probably too subtle to notice if I wasn't journaling the pain daily. So it's way too early to talk reversal.
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/11qxehh/its_only_been_five_weeks_but_im_having_pain/jcd2104/
Apr 01, 2023
6 weeks was the last time I felt throbbing balls. Since then it's been minimized to that infamous kicked-in-the-balls feeling that is hanging around.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/128occw/3_weeks_since_snip/jekbcrg/
Facts, as well as I can elucidate them:

1. PVPS is poorly understood and inconsistently defined across scientific reports.
2. A sufficiently large meta analysis accounts for those discrepancies.
3. PVPS rates are equal across vasectomy types/methods as far as we know (which isn't much, as per fact #1)
4. Pain associated with recovery is not PVPS.
5. Scalpel vasectomy is associated with greater pain associated with recovery.

In my view, pain is better tolerated if you know it will pass. That's why recovery pain isn't too scary. You know you're healing and it will get better soon.
This is why PVPS is scary. We don't understand it and we don't know if/when it gets better. More science on the subject would be wonderful, especially considering the snip's growth in popularity.
Fact (4) fascinates me. I'd love to better distinguish recovery pain from PVPS. I feel there is A LOT MORE docs can do to help patients deal with pain while they recover.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/12gp35p/discussion_about_post_vasectomy_pain_scientific/jfpoff8/
It sucks telling your young kids you can't pick them up. I posted once about not being able to push my 3yo on his bike. That was one of my lowest moments. I'm happy to report that I recently was able to get back to that. And I do not take it for granted.
My urologist doesn't care at all, but I do get to speak with a nurse or PA from his office pretty much anytime I call. Still, they haven't been very much help.
Around week 2 I saw my PCP for a 2nd opinion. He made me feel a lot better. If you trust yours, I recommend trying that route...while you continue to insist your urologist (or someone from the urologist's office) see you or at least call you back.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/12hommi/come_for_the_dick_jokes_stay_for_the_trauma/jfql4rq/
Feb 20, 2024

Wondering whether your post vasectomy pain has resolved

I still have intermittent pain that seems to correspond to frequency of ejaculation. It is hard to pinpoint or describe, but it no longer interferes with daily life. I manage it with the same yoga-style stretches (pelvic floor exercises) that helped me get back on my feet originally. I am reluctant to complain to the urologist because they weren't able to diagnose this pain and I probably would not want any further surgery.

Are you able to say roughly how many months after vasectomy you felt like you were "recovered" and the pain level and frequency stabilized?

I think it took about 9 months for the pain level and frequency to lower to the point where I don't think of it all the time and it doesn't interfere with daily life.
From direct message. Used with permission.
Metadata:
ID: bc37a718
Name: wordoc
Vasectomy Date: 2023-01-26
Birth Year:
Source: reddit
First Seen: 2023-02-11
Last Seen: 2024-02-20
Storycodes: LTP
Months: 9
Resolved: Yes

“Dragging himself through the streets of Aomori, a young boy roams bruised from head to toe. His fists were drenched in blood. His breathing was heavy, and his knees shook like a great tremor struck the Earth. But, he did it. He took the life of another person.
“19 days,” he mumbled. “I can live for another 19 days,”.
Hachinosu Zako, age 18. Kicked out by his family and struggled with homelessness for 6 months. Making a living out of scams involving fortune telling and evil ghosts, he never took the act that he put on all too seriously. That was, until a mysterious creature calling itself a ‘Kogane’ came out of nowhere telling him that he would die if he did not participate in a ‘Culling Game’. Booting it towards the closest colony possible, that being the Aomori Colony, he spent a majority of his day hiding and peeking, hoping the trigger-happy players would never find him. It was an effective strategy, except for the one rule that prevented such.
“Rule 8: If a player's score remains the same for 19 days, they will be subject to cursed technique removal,”
Hachinosu never really put his all into his studies, but was capable of putting two and two together. The removal of his cursed technique meant that he was to die should he not kill someone.
“Rule 5: The point value of a player's life is decided by the game master. As a general rule, sorcerers are worth 5 points and non-sorcerers are worth one point,”
He felt a sharp pain piercing his side, causing him to trip over his own foot. Collecting himself, he asked the Kogane.
“How many points do I have?”
“Hachinosu Zako has… 1 point,”
A measly point, but it would do. That was all it took to survive for the next 19 days. Breathing a sigh of relief, that pleasure turned to horror the moment his head tilted up. A ‘cursed spirit’ as they were called perched directly before him. Its eyes were inflated and contained hexagons, granting it powerful vision. Its legs flickered here and there, begging to snatch prey. Its wings, wide and translucent, produced an ear-scraping buzz sound. The Deity was feared throughout the colony, managing to acquire 507 points in a matter of a few days. Normally, Zako’s knees would buckle and his heart would skip a beat. However, it was midnight, and he wished for nothing but to take a rest. Forever, if possible. Seated cross-legged on the asphalt, his head kept down in humility, he surrendered his life to the beast before him.
“I am the Cholera Deity, embodiment of flies and the infectious disease known as Cholera. Being living personifications of both, those concepts are feared across the world as bringers of a slow and painful death. When the life is drained out of a person in their last moments, I feel it,”
Its voice high-pitched and ringing, its introduction could not be worth less to the mere human who so easily gave up a chance to run.
“Hachinosu… Zako… I am informed of your cursed technique,”
It held one of its hands out, as if to shake hands. A deal was in place.
“I will grant you power, I simply ask that I be the only one you serve. Give me all of you, and I’ll give you all of me. Teach me what it means to live a little. Teach me to be human too,”
In a heartbeat, he grabbed its hand.”

Character Info

Name: Hachinosu Zako
Age: 18
Height: 5’9”
CT:
Original CT
Servanthood
The user could become a servant to multiple cursed spirits, gaining a few facets of their CTs and CE. However, after making a Binding Vow with the Cholera Deity, this CT disappeared. In exchange, he gains a stronger connection to the Deity, granting better control over its CT and creating a symbiotic bond between user and Cursed Spirit.
New CT
Buzz of the Cloud
Allows the user to assimilate with and control a hivemind of Grade 4 Fly Heads with a high degree of precision. The user has found many applications for this technique.
OG CT post: https://www.reddit.com/CTsandbox/s/5kdqkEgJBl
Additional Attributes:
Semi-Cursed Spirit Physiology
Due to the very strong bond between Zako and the Cholera Deity, Zako is granted a few attributes of a Cursed Spirit. He can heal himself by using his own Cursed Energy, not too dissimilar to how sorcerers use RCT to heal themselves. However, due to only needing regular CE, healing himself becomes a much easier task. In a similar vein, his body is also vulnerable to RCT output just like how Cursed Spirits are. Luckily, remaining mostly human himself, this effect is not as potent on him.

Hi guys! Thank you all so much for the feedback on my previous attempts! I’ve learned a lot over the past few weeks. You’ve been super helpful, and I’m certainly in a much better place now. However… I think I’m still struggling a little with infusing the query with more voice and flavour. Does anyone have any suggestions on this, based on where it is at the moment?
And as an aside, is mentioning the year and the setting important? If so, I can’t quite seem to find the place for it.
Previous attempt:
https://www.reddit.com/PubTips/comments/1d1zmix/qcrit_historical_adult_fantasy_the_prince_of_cups/
3d attempt:
Dear Agent,
I am writing to seek representation for The Prince of Cups, a historical adult fantasy completed at 118,000 words. Told from multiple POVs, it follows the story of Christopher, a Victorian surgeon forced to steal souls for an ancient Mesopotamian alchemist, and Lorena, a gambler bound against her will to transform failed opponents into soulless servants. I hope my book will draw readers who enjoyed Piranesi by Susanna Clarke, The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell, and The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. [personalisation]
Young pickpocket Christopher accepts an offer of fine food, warm baths, and an education in the occult arts from Alexander Masters, a polymath industrialist in need of an heir. As Christopher matures he’s more interested in medical textbooks than obscure rituals and rejects an apprenticeship to the mourners, Masters’ sinister, pain-eating devotees. Through a devious ploy, he contrives for his only friend, Lorena, to swap places with him, and the mourners gladly accept her as an acolyte. Though pleased with this ruthless betrayal, Masters is not so quick to let him go and only allows Christopher to pursue medicine on the condition that he study and then work at a research hospital he owns.
At St Damien’s, Christopher doesn’t much mind if fulfilling his dreams means performing the occasional alchemical experiment, as when does a boy from the slums ever get such an opportunity? Once he wins the respect of his peers and is a successful, innovative surgeon with plenty to lose, Masters reveals the truth. The wine Christopher has been testing on patients results in subjects vomiting their souls in a solidified form, to be fermented into a special wine granting immortality, inspiration, and other boons. Should he refuse to provide regular tribute, Masters will recoup his investment by scooping out Christopher’s essence, leaving him a deaf-mute, automaton-like servant.
Too proud to acquiesce, Christopher secretly reconnects with Lorena, whose soul the mourners imprisoned in a painting. They plot to gain entrance to a liminal reality where Masters hid his own soul millennia ago, believing that all his thralls will be liberated if they destroy it.
[bio]
Please find the first three chapters and a synopsis attached to this email.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours,
[name]
The first 300:
Legends speak of banquets held by wandering minstrels. Wine flows and crowds stand entranced before a stage, forgetting the gifts in their hands. As the jugglers lay down their apples and knives, bowing, the field transforms. Grass turns to lavender, the distant hamlet fades into the mist. None of the guests are ever seen again.
In every version of this myth, from Naples to Aarhus, a gaily dressed man strides afore his masked players telling tales of the unknown and beckoning revellers towards novel experiences…
[in-book citation not relevant for this exercise]
Chapter One
I. The oranges’ perfume is sweet, but there is ever a bitter rind of betrayal
I’m seven and Christmas is a week away. Mrs Bardsley has sent me out with my friend Elaine. Mrs Bardsley can be kind, but today she’s been mean. Elaine is fourteen, and she takes me to big, loud places with stages and performers.
Elaine giggles and presses her hand to the young soldier’s chest, whispering in his ear. I use the distraction to scoop a few pennies and swap them with pebbles. Left-handedness has its advantages; most people keep an eye on your right. The trooper pushes Elaine away, moustache drooping. I tug at her cuff, and she smiles down at me. We ‘rescue’ two handkerchiefs and a coin purse as we weave through the crowd around a devil-costumed fire eater. It’s a poor haul, but I complain of the cold and the rumble in my stomach when we stop to watch a tightrope walker. The graceful girl raises her knee so high it looks like she will surely topple backwards, fur-trimmed skirts, spangled stockings, parasol, and all. I am so hungry, though, that the sight produces nothing in me but tears. Elaine nods, and we head away from the fair.