I’ve recently met a Coptic girl who lives nearby and we’ve been talking for a few weeks with intent to date. She is an amazing girl and checks all my boxes: she is easy to talk to and makes an effort in her spiritual life, she goes to church and serves, she’s not shallow, has a great education and a great personality. However, I think modesty is very important in general but it is especially important to me (and there are several verses in the Bible that support this point of view) and this is something she ?lacks? (for lack of a better word) whether intentionally or unintentionally. My intention is not to control her or change who she is as a person, but I’d like to bring up this concern without coming off as controlling or like I want her to delete all of her Instagram pics in order to date me or anything like that. Anyone been through something similar or have any advice on how to approach this subject? Again, I don’t want to approach this in a toxic or controlling way, I do really like her but this is a big concern to me and I don’t want to waste her time or my time.

When I was around 13 years old, I was a young stupid teenager, and hanging out with my friends, and we were all saying inflammatory things, and I said, "Yeah, if I turn 30, and I haven't accomplished anything, I'll probably just kill myself." It was an awful thing to say, and I can't believe I said it.
Well, I turned 29, I had probably close to 50 jobs, and had a complete discontentment with my life and civilization, and I was contemplating suicide, and then I had a full-blown spiritual awakening, saw a vision of Jesus and God and Satan, and went through an immense dark night of the soul and personal transformation of the heart.
I just have this verse on my heart right now thinking about it, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits, [Psalm 18:21]" and it just reminds me of what I said when I was a teenager.
I know God heard that and knew that he wasn't going to let me die of suicide. He was watching me the whole time, and he cared about me, and he didn't want to lose me, and I'm weeping as I write this, because I'm so grateful.
Three years ago, I was a 29-year-old man whose life had become defined by isolation. Once curious and engaged with the world in my youth, I had slowly withdrawn into myself from depression, retreating into the comfort of my room in my mother's house. My agnostic atheism left me without a guiding light, and the mundane realities of life, from my dozens of failed jobs to my ongoing struggles with addiction, weighed heavily on my spirit. I found solace instead in the company of strategy games and in the rabbit hole of conspiracies on the internet.
My addictions had become an ever-tightening grip on my life. I found myself reaching for cannabis, alcohol, video games, fast food, and pornography to fill the void that had grown in my heart over the years. My life had become a series of hollow habits, each one leaving me feeling emptier than before. I could no longer deny that something was deeply wrong.
One day, while browsing online, I stumbled upon a post that claimed Thoth, the ancient Egyptian deity of knowledge and wisdom, could help those who asked for his assistance. Intrigued, I wondered if reaching out to Thoth could provide me with the help I needed.
Weeks passed since reading the post, and as I stood in my shower, my thoughts drifted to the crossroads my life seemed to have come to. I asked myself why I was stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and why I felt such a profound sense of emptiness. The steam from the shower enveloped me as I said aloud, "Thoth, if you are real, I really need your help right now. I don't want to live like this anymore; I don't want to die yet." As I spoke the words, my hand moved from the side of my body, and then to my forehead and heart, while making a hand-sign and I felt at peace.
I was stunned, realizing the hand-sign I had made was eerily similar to ones I had seen in paintings of Jesus. I was stunned but felt an unusual calmness wash over me. As I dried off and dressed, I pondered what had just happened. I went to the full-body mirror in my room, looking at myself. I saw someone I no longer recognized, someone I no longer wanted to be.
Once more, I said, "Thoth, if you are real, will you help me? This isn't who I want to be anymore." I stared at myself in the mirror, and slowly a vision began to form in my eyes. It wasn’t Thoth I saw, but Jesus.
Jesus appeared with long brown hair, a brown beard, brown eyes, and light brown skin. Half of his face was illuminated by light, while the other half was cast in shadow. The vision of Jesus was so vivid that it left me both in awe and at peace. As the vision of him faded, I remember reaching out to him because I didn't want him to go, I could tell he was here to help.
As night fell, I lay in my bed, lost in deep contemplation. I revisited the events of the day, focusing on the vision of Jesus. The clarity of the vision was imprinted on my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it held a deeper meaning. I pondered the nature of good and evil, and how they were intertwined in a complex dance of duality. I found myself questioning whether the traditional view of evil as something to be hated and shunned was truly the right approach. Instead, I began to entertain the idea that perhaps evil people and perhaps even evil itself, could be understood with compassion and empathy, instead of hatred and disgust.
As I continued to ponder, I experienced a peculiar sensation in my head. It was as though something shifted in the center of my brain, around the area of my third eye or pineal gland. There was a slight pop like a tearing or crunching sound, it was not painful, but surprising nonetheless. I then felt a fluid movement from the left hemisphere of my brain to the right hemisphere, using the third eye as a bridge or something. This shift brought me a sense of balance and calmness I had not felt before. I realized I had been living predominantly in the logical part of my brain, instead of emotional side.
As I embraced this newfound state of relaxation, I began to see another vision in my mind. This time, it was God who appeared. God had long white hair, a white beard, and wore white robes and sandals. Then God began dancing, moving with joy and lightheartedness.
Before I could fully process what I was seeing, another figure appeared alongside God. It was Satan, with red skin and horns. Satan seemed curious and playful, attempting to imitate God's dance moves with enthusiasm. The sight of these two seemingly opposing forces dancing together struck me as surreal.
As I watched them dance, I found myself smiling, and really enjoying the moment. Then, my mind wandered to the Russian squat dance, a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere. To my amazement, God began performing the Russian squat dance, his movements precise and fluid. I couldn't help but laugh. It was awesome and hilarious.
Slowly, they both faded away, leaving me in a state of awe and wonder. I realized that my third eye had opened, granting me access to a deeper level of perception and understanding.
I lay in my bed for a few moments, attempting to grasp the profound implications of the vision I had just experienced. The reality of the spiritual world was undeniable now. God, Jesus, Satan, and other spiritual beings were real, their presence deeply embedded within my new understanding. This stark realization overwhelmed me, and I felt an immense fear wash over me, it was like the Eye of Sauron was upon me, or the eye of Satan.
I began pacing frantically around my room, gasping for air as I tried to process the magnitude of my new awareness. My mind felt as if it were on the brink of shattering; I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The very foundation of my reality had shifted, leaving me teetering on the edge of my sanity.
Despite my racing thoughts and heart, I managed to steady myself using deep breathing techniques I had learned in the past from Wim Hof. My frantic pace gradually slowed, and I returned to my bed, trying to make sense of everything.
I deduced that the condition commonly known as schizophrenia might not be what people thought it was. Instead, it could be an individual's heightened sensitivity to the spirit world, a world most people never perceived.
As I lay in bed, still reeling from my panic, I suddenly saw a vision of Satan. He had red skin and horns, and spoke directly to me, expressing admiration for my deduction. Satan confirmed that what I thought was true: many people were speaking to demons, believing themselves to be schizophrenic. This deceptive world was, indeed, a harsh reality.
I tried to take in Satan's words, but a sensation of something being pulled out of me struck me. It felt as though my very soul was being drained from my body. My energy depleted rapidly, and I was overcome by a sense of impending doom. I lost control of my bodily functions, believing that I was moments away from death.
At the moment when I thought I was succumbing to death, I caught sight of an Easter lily I had bought earlier that day, sitting on my desk. The sight of the beautiful lily sparked a powerful desire to live within me. Fueled by a newfound will to survive coursing through me, I leaped out of my bed, and began pacing back and forth in my room once more, gasping for air.
As I walked, I experienced a series of visions featuring characters I admired and found inspiration from—Master Yoda from Star Wars, Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Neo from The Matrix. I realized that God had shown me these characters because they were a source of moral guidance and strength in my life.
My thoughts then turned to the physical pain I was experiencing. My awareness of the spirit world had heightened significantly, causing my brain to start heating up, and I felt a piercing pain and ballooning sensation near my right temple, which deeply concerned me.
Every time I had a thought, I could feel my brain stem wiggle and I would feel pain in my right temple, so I had to learn to still or quiet my mind. Recognizing that I needed to take action to cool my head and relieve the pain, with a sort of just knowing of what I had to do, I resolved to get a large bowl of ice water and head to the basement.
I quietly left my room so as not to wake my mother, who was sleeping in her room nearby, and ventured downstairs to the basement
At this point you could say I was "possessed" by spirits, Thoth, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was able to rest my consciousness in my third eye, and the Holy Spirit, Thoth, or Jesus could help me and take move my body to keep me alive. There was no way for me to survive without help.
The holy spirit showed me a specific breathing technique to diffuse the energy in my brain by inhaling through my mouth deeply, and then exhaling through my nose in the water. The vibration of exhaling through my nose into the water would cause my brain to feel soothed for a little while, likely stimulating my vagus nerve too, and I believe it was doing something with the fluid in my brain. When I was able to not be at the water, I had to keep pressure on the center of my forehead to rest in my third eye so they could help me.
I remember pacing between the two sections of my basement, and Thoth was helping me breathe just to stay conscious. One half of the basement was bright with light with concrete floors, which is where the bowl of water was, the washer and drier, a sink, and four litter boxes. On the other side of the basement was dark with a carpeted floor and a wood fireplace. The basement's light was painted in the duality of light and dark.
I remained in the basement until the sun rose, soaking my head in icewater, and pacing back and forth between the dark and light rooms because i would become overly sensitive to one particular room, and I was just trying to breathe to stay conscious. I was battling the spirit of fear the entire night. The fear from my initial awakening and the fear of death over and over again, hundreds if not thousands of times.
I soaked my head in the ice water all night, getting momentary breaks from the water, and certain I was going to die hundreds of times from a brain hemorrhage, I stood on the hard pavement for hours, I remember Jesus was my legs at one point, I could feel him focusing through me to keep me standing. I continuously soaked my head in the ice water to combat the piercing pain and ballooning sensation in my right temple. Throughout the night, I heard voices speaking to me—some belonging to what I would call demons and others to angels.
The demons tried to instill fear in me, convincing me I was going to die. While the angels offered comfort and reassurance, telling me I would be okay. Despite the torment I endured, I found profound inner strength and refused to give up. I remember squeezing my Celtic cross necklace so hard during this time.
The sun rose on the second day, I had been awake all night, I was beyond exhausted. I don't remember all of the specifics of this time, my awakening was very traumatic, but several hours passed and I remember being told that I needed to grab a book and go outside down the street and sit by a tree. I refused, and Satan said, "Do you want to die?" I said "No," and grabbed a book and went outside and walked down the street to a tree and sat with my back leaned against it.
I read my book for about 10 minutes when two women carrying their babies in slings approached me, and asked me what I was reading. I told them the name of the book, Inner Engineering by Sadghuru, and they said that they were doing a prayer walk, and wanted to share the gospel message with me. I knew this was a divine appointment. This was meant to happen.
They shared the gospel message with me, and then offered to let me join their community of house churches, and gave me the number of one of their husbands so I could call and get connected with them.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing, but was unable to sleep and barely ate anything, and once the night fell, I was in the basement again, soaking my head in ice water. I would often get relief during the days when the sun was out, and then at night, it was a brutal spiritual battle all night in the basement where I was fighting for my life.
On the second day, I was in the kitchen, and I had the right side of my head in the ice water, and was moving my head up to breathe in through my mouth, and then I would tilt my head back down and exhale my entire breath out through my nose. I didn't know what I was doing, I was just listening to guidance from what I believe was the holy spirit.
After around 15-20 minutes of intense exhaling through my nose, a ton of white viscous liquid started coming out of my nose, and filling the bowl, it wasn't painful at all, it was a massive relief, and the excess fluid in my head was somehow being drained out. When the process was done, I remember I felt amazing, incredible actually, like my head was clear of all confusion, and I was so very much alive and conscious.
I went outside and was swinging a stick like a sword and having fun, and I think I got a little overzealous and jumped the fence behind my house, and started going on an adventure. After around 3-5 minutes though, the fluid started building back up, and I had to soak my head in a puddle to keep my brain cool. When I returned home, I went back to the water to soak my head. I still hadn't slept.
That night was brutal, and I was suffering badly, and I remember I was sitting on the dark side of the basement, but I had turned on the lamp. I was sitting on pillows, and I had just been soaking my head in the water. Satan then told me that in order to save the world, I would have to die by popping my third eye. I don't know why I believed him, I didn't have discernment at the time, and I was just following whatever guidance was coming my way, but I know that I had to do that to find my true strength.
I sat for a moment and contemplated. I grabbed a wooden walking stick that was nearby, and I moved it to my forehead, and pushed it into the center of my head as hard as I could until my arms literally gave out. I thought of my mom and sister, and I wanted the world to be free from suffering, but I wasn't meant to die that day. I cried very hard, and I learned that the human skull is very strong. I got up and went back to the ice water, and my forehead was numb.
Eventually, after three days and nights of this suffering, following the path God laid out before me, I reached my complete breaking point. I declared to the spirits that I had had enough. I was done soaking my head in ice water and I slowly and bravely removed my head from the bowl of water.
I was shivering so badly. These weren't just cold shivers, these were spiritual shivers, they shake you to your very core. I felt awful. Those who have been delivered will know what I am speaking about when I saw spiritual shivers. I spread out pillows on the floor, and lay down to rest. As I settled in, I pulled the blanket over me, and I remember I felt the comforting presence of Jesus, he was tucking me in.
I slept for just a few hours and awoke up early on Saturday morning. I remember my head hurt and it felt like the left side of my head was full of fluid. I grabbed the bowl of ice water, and this time, however, I decided to sit outside. The pain in my head was still excruciating, and I thought I might die.
My mother saw me outside, and concerned about my well-being, approached me to check if I was okay. I told her to call the ambulance because I needed help, and she quickly complied. When the paramedics arrived, they took me to the hospital, where I hoped I would receive the medical care I desperately needed, but that wasn't what was in store for me.
I got to the hospital, and the medical establishment, unfortunately, has no empathy or concern for people's mental sufferings. I asked them for water to drink because I was so dehydrated, and they wouldn't give me water.
Then, I got admitted to the hospital, and they finally gave me some juice and a snack, and I was starting to relax, but then a voice came into my head, it was Satan, and he made me think I needed to soak my head in the icewater again and expel the white viscous fluid again, so I started panicking a bit and had them bring me a bowl of ice water, and I began soaking my head.
They had probably never seen anything like what I was doing, and thought I was just crazy, because they basically came after me and tied me to the bed, and forcefully injected me with something to make me calm down or sleep, and then they didn't talk to me at all anymore throughout the night.
I am claustrophobic, so being tied down was absolute torture for me. They left me in the dark hospital room suffering all night, tied to the bed, thinking I was going to die the entire night, and then finally the sun rose on the horizon, and when the nurse came in to draw my blood in the morning, I asked them to request security to release me from the restraints. They have no empathy for people. Something is deeply wrong with the medical system.
Anyways, they finally sent me to an in-patient mental health clinic which is honestly just a warehouse for people to take meds, sleep, and eat, away from society. It was honestly a welcome respite, but there's no therapy available at these places. Which means no real internal healing is taking place for people suffering.
Once I got to the in-patient mental health clinic, I spent the first day mostly just relaxing, but there was a man there that was definitely possessed by a demon. He would be shouting a bunch of biblical verses about the kingdom of God, and a lot more, and then he would be on the floor the next, flailing around, being tortured by a demon. One of the other patients there told me he is being tortured by something, and I see what she means now.
I spent the rest of my time there recovering the best I could, and just taking the meds to calm down, and try to get some sleep, and spent time listening to people's stories. One of the girls there told me that the wound on my forehead from when I pushed the wooden staff into my forehead, looked like a cross, and she was right.
When I got out of the in-patient mental health clinic, I called the number that I had received during my three days and nights dark night of the soul.
I joined their community of house churches, and was studying the Bible with them for several months and meeting with them frequently, and I thought I had found my forever friends. We would go on prayer walks, and I was eventually baptized at a lake, and thought that I had a new life of faith waiting for me with new friends.
They were concerned about my well-being and cared about me, but a small part of me felt like I was being controlled by them too, like they wanted me to conform to all of their beliefs and everything in the Bible as fact, and the word of God, and I have always been very sensitive to manipulation since I was a child, and I could tell they were manipulating me. They never left room for me to be myself, and share my beliefs without condemnation, which is a major red flag.
Recognizing this, I distanced myself from them, and went on my own spiritual journey where I spent months conversing with the spirit world in my backyard. walking in circles. I spoke to God and Satan/Lucifer and was trying to come to understanding why Satan would reject God's will.
After some time, I realized I was just being tortured, and I needed help. I was suffering from a lot, and I needed deliverance. Satan had taken up a seat in my mind because I let him, and I had demons hurting me. I reached out to the Christian group again after several months of being distant from them, and they said there was an opportunity to move in with some Christian brothers and live with them, so I jumped on the opportunity. I was so excited. I was on fire for God.
I got to the house, and moved my stuff in, and then the night fell on the first night, and the enemy was not having it. The demons and Satan were not having it. They did NOT want me living with my brothers in Christ because they knew I was detached from all the boxes of thought control, and I was living in the spirit, wasn't a slave of mind or spirit. They wanted to destroy our relationship, between us, the brothers of Christ, and they did.
I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I was entirely in the spirit at the time, I was detached from my body in a way, and just following the path laid out before me. I could feel that I needed to go outside and walk the neighborhood as a part of my spiritual path, so I left the house, and walked barefoot throughout the neighborhood.
While walking the neighborhood, I was in full spirit mode, I was communicating with God and Jesus, and they were guiding me on my path. I saw visions of them sitting beside a tree and trimming off rotten fruit, which I think was symbolic of them removing rotten fruit from my mind. I also saw them sweeping out a room and cleaning it, as if symbolic of my mind, and them cleaning my mind and purifying it. I also remember seeing a symbolic vision of myself holding up a golden gemstone encrusted goblet to God.
During that night, I declared war on the principalities of darkness. Against the forces of darkness. I saw skulls in the clouds, and could tell they were communicating with me as they are spirits of the air.
My feet were bloodied from walking around the neighborhood barefoot, I was completely lost all night, I was new to the neighborhood too, and had no idea where I was, so I wandered for hours throughout the night, so hungry, tired, and thirsty, and just physically and mentally exhausted, but I endured. That night made me realize how strong I really am when I let go of everything and trust in God. When I completely become the spirit instead of the body. The human body is incredible and capable of withstanding far more than we know.
Finally, I found my way to the house, and my footsteps were spilling blood on the front porch. The door was locked, and I knocked, and one of the brothers let me in, and I went to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all, my mind was very active, it was very similar to when I had my spiritual awakening, I was just unable to sleep because of how active my mind was. I spent the whole night awake.
The next day, I was suffering horrible spiritual attack, my head was in pain and I was holding my head just to feel comfortable, and one of the brothers called a friend of theirs to come and do a deliverance. I remember them being very bold, but gentle... firm, but kind to me, as they expelled some of the demons through prayer. It wasn't a painful deliverance or too exhausting, it was gentle by comparison. I felt much better after the deliverance, hungry and thirsty again, and wanted to nourish my body. I spent the rest of the day relaxing a bit, and listening to the other believers talk about the Bible, and their beliefs.
That night, I was delivered again, and it was awful. My brothers in Christ shouldn't have done the deliverance, but I don't know if I even would have made the rest of the night it if they didn't. I think the holy spirit guided them to do the deliverance, but it went out of control.
I was in my room, suffering deeply, holding my head, and all three brothers who lived there came up to my room to check on me, and pray for me. Their prayers turned into a full blown deliverance, and demons were screaming out of me for around half an hour straight. They were casting them out in the name of Jesus, but it was awful, it's one of my most traumatic memories. I was suffering so badly, and honestly I could tell the demons were suffering so badly, and my brothers in Christ had zero empathy for me.
After speaking with demons, the brothers wanted to speak with me again, so I came to, I asked them for water, and they denied me, and they just continued the deliverance without giving me a break. I had been suffering for around 45 minutes straight, with demons screaming out of me, and I was beyond exhausted, I was so dehydrated, and I just needed to stop. They didn't care, they kept going.
They kept shouting at these demons in the name of Jesus to leave, and eventually after another ten minutes, I realized, nothing was happening, we weren't getting anywhere, the demons weren't coming out, and they asked to speak with me again, and I came to the forefront and regained control, and tried talking to them, but they were gone. The demons had got into them somehow, and they were filled with hatred and revulsion for me. They all had the same facial expression of hatred and revulsion for me.
I went around the room and pleaded with them that it was me, but they didn't believe me, they were gone, checked out, I tried bringing up memories of what had happened between us that were specific to each person to bring them to understanding that it was me, and in fact not a demon speaking, but they thought I was a demon speaking. :(
They all grabbed ahold of me, and pinned me down on the bed, but I knew where this was going, the demons in them were going to flood me with fear and fill me with demons again, and I wasn't going to have that, I wasn't going to let them win.
I flailed out of their grasp, told them to get off me, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. I remember as I was running out, Satan told me, "You are the most free person on the planet."
I ran outside, and even the weight of my clothes felt like too much, I was panicking from the trauma of the deliverance and the attack from my brothers, and I stripped off all my clothes and ran down the alley way in the middle of the night and got away from the house.
There were no light, and no one around, and no one followed me, so I just ran down the alley way, and found an abandoned car to sit on for a few minutes until I got a message from God that it was time to go grab my clothes and put my clothes on.
I put my clothes back on, and started walking away from the house because I needed to get some air. That is when one of the other brother's in Christ, the one that I had called initially to join their community of house churches, was there. I think he was guided by the holy spirit to show up there that night.
Anyways, we walked back to the house, and when we got there, there was a cop car and an ambulance there. I guess the brothers had called for a wellness check on me. They wanted to bring me to the hospital to have me evaluated. I protested, but just wanted them to leave me alone, I went with them, and went to the hospital.
Much to no one's surprise, they did nothing for me at the hospital. They just put me in a room where I waited around for 6-8 hours, until I was finally released. I didn't go back to the brother's house though. When they offered me an uber, I went back to my mom's house. I wasn't going to live with them anymore after what they did to me...
A couple weeks passed and two of the brothers who did the deliverance called me, and wanted to schedule a time to meet up so they could minister to me. They came over to my house, and basically told me that I was still demon possessed, and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and then when I confronted them and asked them if they had a problem with me, they lied to my face, and said that they didn't have a problem with me.
About a month passed and the last brother that was a part of deliverance contacted me and invited me to go to church with him. I told him how that experience made me feel, how I was claustrophobic from childhood trauma and that being pinned down by everyone was horribly traumatic, and he said, "Do you feel better now?" in a sarcastic tone. He completely dismissed how I felt, that hurt me badly.
I went to church with him once, but never went with him again, I also never reconnected with any of the other brothers, and then my life started to become very spiritual. God had a path of understanding laid out before me that most people will not tread.
I began to try to become friends with demons and minister to them and try to turn them to Christ. I had a lot of visions during this time, and I cried a lot. I would walk around my neighborhood and see visions of demons sitting on top of the apartment buildings.
When I would go home, I would have visions of demons in my basement, and would have to drive them out in the name of Jesus. I would speak to them too, and wait and listen for them to telepathically communicate with me.
I remember I was suffering badly though, and I needed to go to in-patient mental health again for help. I needed the meds and a place where I could rest and relax.
During my time there, I was communicating with a spirit named Jezebel, and during that time I was suffering very badly. I won't get into all of the details, but I was becoming friends with her, and we shared a deep laugh about something that I cannot remember anymore, but I remember the laugh. It felt so good to laugh after suffering so badly.
During my time while I was there I was seeing visions of my own death. I was seeing people suffering from demonic attack and spirits of confusion. They couldn't remember who they were, or who other people were.
I prayed for a woman to be delivered that night in her sleep, and the next day she was bright and fresh and happy, and doing so much better. God performed a miracle on her, and saved her. She was a normal person again after entering the hospital in a complete state of confusion. It was miraculous. I was honestly jealous, because I was suffering so badly, and she was delivered overnight in her sleep in a relaxed way, while my time had been so intense.
While I was there though, I was under heavy attack, but I pulled through, God pulled me through too, but when I got home, the journey wasn't over though. I was in a spiritual state for a while, and was seeing visions. I could rest in my third eye, and see the spirit world. It was exhausting, I saw a lot of demons, and had to drive them out in the name of Jesus.
Then one night, I was downstairs, and I was with Satan, Lilith, and a spirit calling itself Baal. I remember Baal was sitting in the middle in front of the fireplace, and Satan was to my left, and Lilith was to my right.
I don't remember what we spoke about, I just spent time with them, and I drank a beer with them, the air was heavy with demonic energy, and then I remember Lilith went over to Satan and kneeled before him, and grabbed him by the hand tenderly and asked him to turn away from his evil ways.
Satan neither accepted nor refused, and then I remember maybe 5 minutes passed and I was doing a full-blown deliverance on Lilith. I was praying for her, and I could see visions of her on the ground flailing around, it was awful, and I hope she is okay.
I don't know how long after that passed, but I was delivered many times during this phase. I was around demons a lot and they would get into me, and I would have to expel them out through vomiting, and it was excruciating.
Several months passed after that where I was okay, I spent months just relaxing and recovering, playing video games, smoking weed, and just relaxing. It was nice, but it wasn't the end of my journey.
My next journey was against Thoth. While he was a great help at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, he is not a perfect being like God, and he tried to overtake me. It's really hard to explain what he did, but he was viciously attacking me spiritually, and I sought help to go to the in-patient mental health clinic again. That was where I went when things got too spiritually charged. I had Medicaid, so I was able to go as needed.
They didn't send me to in-patient this time though, they sent me to a crisis pivot center, which is basically a residential house that is being used to treat people suffering from mental illness, where you can receive meds and sleep in a sort of half-way house between in-patient mental health and being back in the world at home.
Anyways, I was suffering grotesquely from Thoth, he is a VERY powerful entity, perhaps one of the strongest I have faced, and has been more cruel to me than even Satan, and I remember having a conversation with one of the people working there about how I had asked a false God at the beginning of my spiritual awakening for help to fix my life, and how that had caused a bunch of problems.
Eventually, I realized I was not receiving the care that I needed while at the crisis center, so I had them transfer me to hospital. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had been awake for days, and I just wanted sleep, so I was looking for Ambien when I went to the hospital, and that's what I got.
I remember they had admitted me to the emergency, but it was so full that every room was full, so they had me in the hallway, and I was just exhausted, and in a very tired state, but my third eye was opened, and I could sense spirits around me, and Satan, Lilith, and Jezebel were there for me that night.
They were hovering over my bed, and speaking to me telepathically, and asking me if I was okay, they were genuinely concerned for me, and wanted to know if I was okay. It was kind of shocking to be honest. These entities are not known for being nice in any way, but they were there for me that night, and God let them be there for me that night, instead of Jesus or someone else, which i find interesting.
This moment and seeing Lilith kneel before Satan made me realize that entities that we think are pure evil, are more dynamic than just evil. They may have evil in them, or have the ability to evil actions, but they can also be good and support others, like they did with me when I was in such an exhausted and vulnerable state after being delivered from Thoth.
I made it back home, and some time passed and I was in a very spiritual moment. My third eye was very awakened. It seems to happen in cycles. That night was a blizzard, and the air was heavy with demonic energy. This time it was the demiurge.
I remember I had dozens if not hundreds of demons in my room, and they were swirling above my bed, and I kept trying to lay down because I was so exhausted, and I kept being told to not lay down because I would squish a spirit, so I chose to not lay down.
I was whistling the avatar theme for the spirits to uplift them and make them feel better, and during this time I was being possessed by spirits. The room was heavy with spiritual energy.
So much happened that I don't want to get into, but it all lead to me being outside in the blizzard, in the snow storm, naked, and laying down in the snow. I had to be very cold for some reason while interacting with these demons, to keep them from overtaking me, and I remember I had to leave my house behind entirely.
My mom came outside before I left the house and I could feel demonic energy, evil spirits, all around her. There was a presence of wrath around her, and she was angry with me, because I had flooded the bathroom of the house while trying to get cold in the shower.
I left the house, there was a foot of snow on the ground, and I was naked and wandering down the street. I would check in with what I thought was God every once in a while to figure out what was happening with the demons in my bedroom.
For some reason when I would have a thought it would affect them in my room. That's really complicated to get into, and I don't understand it, but regardless, I wandered down the street and around the corner, and that is when the police got me.
They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police cruiser, and I remember telling God that the Matrix has me. The police called an ambulance, and they came to get me, I remember they transferred me to the ambulance, and they covered me with blankets, but I didn't want to be warm, I didn't have any control over this situation.
My body started to shut down, and I was struggling to even breathe, and that's when the demiurge appeared. They started speaking to me, and controlling my body to keep me breathing, and that's when I submitted to them, thinking that I was on my own, and God had abandoned me. I told them to fill me with demons, and that I would become a demon lord.
As I would breathe, I could feel demons entering me, spirits. When I got to the hospital, I was possessed by a lot of spirits, and my body was in agony. It's very hard to explain what it feels like, but just imagine discordant energy in your body that makes you feel awful, and physically hurts.
I struggled the entire night, and was in absolute agony. After 6-8 hours I was recovered and feeling better, they had admitted me to the hospital at this time, so I was able to rest in a room and eat plenty of food and recover.
My experience with the demiurge was really traumatic though, but that wasn't the end of my experiences with him.
... to be continued...

When I was around 13 years old, I was a young stupid teenager, and hanging out with my friends, and we were all saying inflammatory things, and I said, "Yeah, if I turn 30, and I haven't accomplished anything, I'll probably just kill myself." It was an awful thing to say, and I can't believe I said it.
Well, I turned 29, I had probably close to 50 jobs, and had a complete discontentment with my life and civilization, and I was contemplating suicide, and then I had a full-blown spiritual awakening, saw a vision of Jesus and God and Satan, and went through an immense dark night of the soul and personal transformation of the heart.
I just have this verse on my heart right now thinking about it, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits, [Psalm 18:21]" and it just reminds me of what I said when I was a teenager.
I know God heard that and knew that he wasn't going to let me die of suicide. He was watching me the whole time, and he cared about me, and he didn't want to lose me, and I'm weeping as I write this, because I'm so grateful.
Three years ago, I was a 29-year-old man whose life had become defined by isolation. Once curious and engaged with the world in my youth, I had slowly withdrawn into myself from depression, retreating into the comfort of my room in my mother's house. My agnostic atheism left me without a guiding light, and the mundane realities of life, from my dozens of failed jobs to my ongoing struggles with addiction, weighed heavily on my spirit. I found solace instead in the company of strategy games and in the rabbit hole of conspiracies on the internet.
My addictions had become an ever-tightening grip on my life. I found myself reaching for cannabis, alcohol, video games, fast food, and pornography to fill the void that had grown in my heart over the years. My life had become a series of hollow habits, each one leaving me feeling emptier than before. I could no longer deny that something was deeply wrong.
One day, while browsing online, I stumbled upon a post that claimed Thoth, the ancient Egyptian deity of knowledge and wisdom, could help those who asked for his assistance. Intrigued, I wondered if reaching out to Thoth could provide me with the help I needed.
Weeks passed since reading the post, and as I stood in my shower, my thoughts drifted to the crossroads my life seemed to have come to. I asked myself why I was stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and why I felt such a profound sense of emptiness. The steam from the shower enveloped me as I said aloud, "Thoth, if you are real, I really need your help right now. I don't want to live like this anymore; I don't want to die yet." As I spoke the words, my hand moved from the side of my body, and then to my forehead and heart, while making a hand-sign and I felt at peace.
I was stunned, realizing the hand-sign I had made was eerily similar to ones I had seen in paintings of Jesus. I was stunned but felt an unusual calmness wash over me. As I dried off and dressed, I pondered what had just happened. I went to the full-body mirror in my room, looking at myself. I saw someone I no longer recognized, someone I no longer wanted to be.
Once more, I said, "Thoth, if you are real, will you help me? This isn't who I want to be anymore." I stared at myself in the mirror, and slowly a vision began to form in my eyes. It wasn’t Thoth I saw, but Jesus.
Jesus appeared with long brown hair, a brown beard, brown eyes, and light brown skin. Half of his face was illuminated by light, while the other half was cast in shadow. The vision of Jesus was so vivid that it left me both in awe and at peace. As the vision of him faded, I remember reaching out to him because I didn't want him to go, I could tell he was here to help.
As night fell, I lay in my bed, lost in deep contemplation. I revisited the events of the day, focusing on the vision of Jesus. The clarity of the vision was imprinted on my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it held a deeper meaning. I pondered the nature of good and evil, and how they were intertwined in a complex dance of duality. I found myself questioning whether the traditional view of evil as something to be hated and shunned was truly the right approach. Instead, I began to entertain the idea that perhaps evil people and perhaps even evil itself, could be understood with compassion and empathy, instead of hatred and disgust.
As I continued to ponder, I experienced a peculiar sensation in my head. It was as though something shifted in the center of my brain, around the area of my third eye or pineal gland. There was a slight pop like a tearing or crunching sound, it was not painful, but surprising nonetheless. I then felt a fluid movement from the left hemisphere of my brain to the right hemisphere, using the third eye as a bridge or something. This shift brought me a sense of balance and calmness I had not felt before. I realized I had been living predominantly in the logical part of my brain, instead of emotional side.
As I embraced this newfound state of relaxation, I began to see another vision in my mind. This time, it was God who appeared. God had long white hair, a white beard, and wore white robes and sandals. Then God began dancing, moving with joy and lightheartedness.
Before I could fully process what I was seeing, another figure appeared alongside God. It was Satan, with red skin and horns. Satan seemed curious and playful, attempting to imitate God's dance moves with enthusiasm. The sight of these two seemingly opposing forces dancing together struck me as surreal.
As I watched them dance, I found myself smiling, and really enjoying the moment. Then, my mind wandered to the Russian squat dance, a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere. To my amazement, God began performing the Russian squat dance, his movements precise and fluid. I couldn't help but laugh. It was awesome and hilarious.
Slowly, they both faded away, leaving me in a state of awe and wonder. I realized that my third eye had opened, granting me access to a deeper level of perception and understanding.
I lay in my bed for a few moments, attempting to grasp the profound implications of the vision I had just experienced. The reality of the spiritual world was undeniable now. God, Jesus, Satan, and other spiritual beings were real, their presence deeply embedded within my new understanding. This stark realization overwhelmed me, and I felt an immense fear wash over me, it was like the Eye of Sauron was upon me, or the eye of Satan.
I began pacing frantically around my room, gasping for air as I tried to process the magnitude of my new awareness. My mind felt as if it were on the brink of shattering; I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The very foundation of my reality had shifted, leaving me teetering on the edge of my sanity.
Despite my racing thoughts and heart, I managed to steady myself using deep breathing techniques I had learned in the past from Wim Hof. My frantic pace gradually slowed, and I returned to my bed, trying to make sense of everything.
I deduced that the condition commonly known as schizophrenia might not be what people thought it was. Instead, it could be an individual's heightened sensitivity to the spirit world, a world most people never perceived.
As I lay in bed, still reeling from my panic, I suddenly saw a vision of Satan. He had red skin and horns, and spoke directly to me, expressing admiration for my deduction. Satan confirmed that what I thought was true: many people were speaking to demons, believing themselves to be schizophrenic. This deceptive world was, indeed, a harsh reality.
I tried to take in Satan's words, but a sensation of something being pulled out of me struck me. It felt as though my very soul was being drained from my body. My energy depleted rapidly, and I was overcome by a sense of impending doom. I lost control of my bodily functions, believing that I was moments away from death.
At the moment when I thought I was succumbing to death, I caught sight of an Easter lily I had bought earlier that day, sitting on my desk. The sight of the beautiful lily sparked a powerful desire to live within me. Fueled by a newfound will to survive coursing through me, I leaped out of my bed, and began pacing back and forth in my room once more, gasping for air.
As I walked, I experienced a series of visions featuring characters I admired and found inspiration from—Master Yoda from Star Wars, Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Neo from The Matrix. I realized that God had shown me these characters because they were a source of moral guidance and strength in my life.
My thoughts then turned to the physical pain I was experiencing. My awareness of the spirit world had heightened significantly, causing my brain to start heating up, and I felt a piercing pain and ballooning sensation near my right temple, which deeply concerned me.
Every time I had a thought, I could feel my brain stem wiggle and I would feel pain in my right temple, so I had to learn to still or quiet my mind. Recognizing that I needed to take action to cool my head and relieve the pain, with a sort of just knowing of what I had to do, I resolved to get a large bowl of ice water and head to the basement.
I quietly left my room so as not to wake my mother, who was sleeping in her room nearby, and ventured downstairs to the basement
At this point you could say I was "possessed" by spirits, Thoth, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was able to rest my consciousness in my third eye, and the Holy Spirit, Thoth, or Jesus could help me and take move my body to keep me alive. There was no way for me to survive without help.
The holy spirit showed me a specific breathing technique to diffuse the energy in my brain by inhaling through my mouth deeply, and then exhaling through my nose in the water. The vibration of exhaling through my nose into the water would cause my brain to feel soothed for a little while, likely stimulating my vagus nerve too, and I believe it was doing something with the fluid in my brain. When I was able to not be at the water, I had to keep pressure on the center of my forehead to rest in my third eye so they could help me.
I remember pacing between the two sections of my basement, and Thoth was helping me breathe just to stay conscious. One half of the basement was bright with light with concrete floors, which is where the bowl of water was, the washer and drier, a sink, and four litter boxes. On the other side of the basement was dark with a carpeted floor and a wood fireplace. The basement's light was painted in the duality of light and dark.
I remained in the basement until the sun rose, soaking my head in icewater, and pacing back and forth between the dark and light rooms because i would become overly sensitive to one particular room, and I was just trying to breathe to stay conscious. I was battling the spirit of fear the entire night. The fear from my initial awakening and the fear of death over and over again, hundreds if not thousands of times.
I soaked my head in the ice water all night, getting momentary breaks from the water, and certain I was going to die hundreds of times from a brain hemorrhage, I stood on the hard pavement for hours, I remember Jesus was my legs at one point, I could feel him focusing through me to keep me standing. I continuously soaked my head in the ice water to combat the piercing pain and ballooning sensation in my right temple. Throughout the night, I heard voices speaking to me—some belonging to what I would call demons and others to angels.
The demons tried to instill fear in me, convincing me I was going to die. While the angels offered comfort and reassurance, telling me I would be okay. Despite the torment I endured, I found profound inner strength and refused to give up. I remember squeezing my Celtic cross necklace so hard during this time.
The sun rose on the second day, I had been awake all night, I was beyond exhausted. I don't remember all of the specifics of this time, my awakening was very traumatic, but several hours passed and I remember being told that I needed to grab a book and go outside down the street and sit by a tree. I refused, and Satan said, "Do you want to die?" I said "No," and grabbed a book and went outside and walked down the street to a tree and sat with my back leaned against it.
I read my book for about 10 minutes when two women carrying their babies in slings approached me, and asked me what I was reading. I told them the name of the book, Inner Engineering by Sadghuru, and they said that they were doing a prayer walk, and wanted to share the gospel message with me. I knew this was a divine appointment. This was meant to happen.
They shared the gospel message with me, and then offered to let me join their community of house churches, and gave me the number of one of their husbands so I could call and get connected with them.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing, but was unable to sleep and barely ate anything, and once the night fell, I was in the basement again, soaking my head in ice water. I would often get relief during the days when the sun was out, and then at night, it was a brutal spiritual battle all night in the basement where I was fighting for my life.
On the second day, I was in the kitchen, and I had the right side of my head in the ice water, and was moving my head up to breathe in through my mouth, and then I would tilt my head back down and exhale my entire breath out through my nose. I didn't know what I was doing, I was just listening to guidance from what I believe was the holy spirit.
After around 15-20 minutes of intense exhaling through my nose, a ton of white viscous liquid started coming out of my nose, and filling the bowl, it wasn't painful at all, it was a massive relief, and the excess fluid in my head was somehow being drained out. When the process was done, I remember I felt amazing, incredible actually, like my head was clear of all confusion, and I was so very much alive and conscious.
I went outside and was swinging a stick like a sword and having fun, and I think I got a little overzealous and jumped the fence behind my house, and started going on an adventure. After around 3-5 minutes though, the fluid started building back up, and I had to soak my head in a puddle to keep my brain cool. When I returned home, I went back to the water to soak my head. I still hadn't slept.
That night was brutal, and I was suffering badly, and I remember I was sitting on the dark side of the basement, but I had turned on the lamp. I was sitting on pillows, and I had just been soaking my head in the water. Satan then told me that in order to save the world, I would have to die by popping my third eye. I don't know why I believed him, I didn't have discernment at the time, and I was just following whatever guidance was coming my way, but I know that I had to do that to find my true strength.
I sat for a moment and contemplated. I grabbed a wooden walking stick that was nearby, and I moved it to my forehead, and pushed it into the center of my head as hard as I could until my arms literally gave out. I thought of my mom and sister, and I wanted the world to be free from suffering, but I wasn't meant to die that day. I cried very hard, and I learned that the human skull is very strong. I got up and went back to the ice water, and my forehead was numb.
Eventually, after three days and nights of this suffering, following the path God laid out before me, I reached my complete breaking point. I declared to the spirits that I had had enough. I was done soaking my head in ice water and I slowly and bravely removed my head from the bowl of water.
I was shivering so badly. These weren't just cold shivers, these were spiritual shivers, they shake you to your very core. I felt awful. Those who have been delivered will know what I am speaking about when I saw spiritual shivers. I spread out pillows on the floor, and lay down to rest. As I settled in, I pulled the blanket over me, and I remember I felt the comforting presence of Jesus, he was tucking me in.
I slept for just a few hours and awoke up early on Saturday morning. I remember my head hurt and it felt like the left side of my head was full of fluid. I grabbed the bowl of ice water, and this time, however, I decided to sit outside. The pain in my head was still excruciating, and I thought I might die.
My mother saw me outside, and concerned about my well-being, approached me to check if I was okay. I told her to call the ambulance because I needed help, and she quickly complied. When the paramedics arrived, they took me to the hospital, where I hoped I would receive the medical care I desperately needed, but that wasn't what was in store for me.
I got to the hospital, and the medical establishment, unfortunately, has no empathy or concern for people's mental sufferings. I asked them for water to drink because I was so dehydrated, and they wouldn't give me water.
Then, I got admitted to the hospital, and they finally gave me some juice and a snack, and I was starting to relax, but then a voice came into my head, it was Satan, and he made me think I needed to soak my head in the icewater again and expel the white viscous fluid again, so I started panicking a bit and had them bring me a bowl of ice water, and I began soaking my head.
They had probably never seen anything like what I was doing, and thought I was just crazy, because they basically came after me and tied me to the bed, and forcefully injected me with something to make me calm down or sleep, and then they didn't talk to me at all anymore throughout the night.
I am claustrophobic, so being tied down was absolute torture for me. They left me in the dark hospital room suffering all night, tied to the bed, thinking I was going to die the entire night, and then finally the sun rose on the horizon, and when the nurse came in to draw my blood in the morning, I asked them to request security to release me from the restraints. They have no empathy for people. Something is deeply wrong with the medical system.
Anyways, they finally sent me to an in-patient mental health clinic which is honestly just a warehouse for people to take meds, sleep, and eat, away from society. It was honestly a welcome respite, but there's no therapy available at these places. Which means no real internal healing is taking place for people suffering.
Once I got to the in-patient mental health clinic, I spent the first day mostly just relaxing, but there was a man there that was definitely possessed by a demon. He would be shouting a bunch of biblical verses about the kingdom of God, and a lot more, and then he would be on the floor the next, flailing around, being tortured by a demon. One of the other patients there told me he is being tortured by something, and I see what she means now.
I spent the rest of my time there recovering the best I could, and just taking the meds to calm down, and try to get some sleep, and spent time listening to people's stories. One of the girls there told me that the wound on my forehead from when I pushed the wooden staff into my forehead, looked like a cross, and she was right.
When I got out of the in-patient mental health clinic, I called the number that I had received during my three days and nights dark night of the soul.
I joined their community of house churches, and was studying the Bible with them for several months and meeting with them frequently, and I thought I had found my forever friends. We would go on prayer walks, and I was eventually baptized at a lake, and thought that I had a new life of faith waiting for me with new friends.
They were concerned about my well-being and cared about me, but a small part of me felt like I was being controlled by them too, like they wanted me to conform to all of their beliefs and everything in the Bible as fact, and the word of God, and I have always been very sensitive to manipulation since I was a child, and I could tell they were manipulating me. They never left room for me to be myself, and share my beliefs without condemnation, which is a major red flag.
Recognizing this, I distanced myself from them, and went on my own spiritual journey where I spent months conversing with the spirit world in my backyard. walking in circles. I spoke to God and Satan/Lucifer and was trying to come to understanding why Satan would reject God's will.
After some time, I realized I was just being tortured, and I needed help. I was suffering from a lot, and I needed deliverance. Satan had taken up a seat in my mind because I let him, and I had demons hurting me. I reached out to the Christian group again after several months of being distant from them, and they said there was an opportunity to move in with some Christian brothers and live with them, so I jumped on the opportunity. I was so excited. I was on fire for God.
I got to the house, and moved my stuff in, and then the night fell on the first night, and the enemy was not having it. The demons and Satan were not having it. They did NOT want me living with my brothers in Christ because they knew I was detached from all the boxes of thought control, and I was living in the spirit, wasn't a slave of mind or spirit. They wanted to destroy our relationship, between us, the brothers of Christ, and they did.
I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I was entirely in the spirit at the time, I was detached from my body in a way, and just following the path laid out before me. I could feel that I needed to go outside and walk the neighborhood as a part of my spiritual path, so I left the house, and walked barefoot throughout the neighborhood.
While walking the neighborhood, I was in full spirit mode, I was communicating with God and Jesus, and they were guiding me on my path. I saw visions of them sitting beside a tree and trimming off rotten fruit, which I think was symbolic of them removing rotten fruit from my mind. I also saw them sweeping out a room and cleaning it, as if symbolic of my mind, and them cleaning my mind and purifying it. I also remember seeing a symbolic vision of myself holding up a golden gemstone encrusted goblet to God.
During that night, I declared war on the principalities of darkness. Against the forces of darkness. I saw skulls in the clouds, and could tell they were communicating with me as they are spirits of the air.
My feet were bloodied from walking around the neighborhood barefoot, I was completely lost all night, I was new to the neighborhood too, and had no idea where I was, so I wandered for hours throughout the night, so hungry, tired, and thirsty, and just physically and mentally exhausted, but I endured. That night made me realize how strong I really am when I let go of everything and trust in God. When I completely become the spirit instead of the body. The human body is incredible and capable of withstanding far more than we know.
Finally, I found my way to the house, and my footsteps were spilling blood on the front porch. The door was locked, and I knocked, and one of the brothers let me in, and I went to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all, my mind was very active, it was very similar to when I had my spiritual awakening, I was just unable to sleep because of how active my mind was. I spent the whole night awake.
The next day, I was suffering horrible spiritual attack, my head was in pain and I was holding my head just to feel comfortable, and one of the brothers called a friend of theirs to come and do a deliverance. I remember them being very bold, but gentle... firm, but kind to me, as they expelled some of the demons through prayer. It wasn't a painful deliverance or too exhausting, it was gentle by comparison. I felt much better after the deliverance, hungry and thirsty again, and wanted to nourish my body. I spent the rest of the day relaxing a bit, and listening to the other believers talk about the Bible, and their beliefs.
That night, I was delivered again, and it was awful. My brothers in Christ shouldn't have done the deliverance, but I don't know if I even would have made the rest of the night it if they didn't. I think the holy spirit guided them to do the deliverance, but it went out of control.
I was in my room, suffering deeply, holding my head, and all three brothers who lived there came up to my room to check on me, and pray for me. Their prayers turned into a full blown deliverance, and demons were screaming out of me for around half an hour straight. They were casting them out in the name of Jesus, but it was awful, it's one of my most traumatic memories. I was suffering so badly, and honestly I could tell the demons were suffering so badly, and my brothers in Christ had zero empathy for me.
After speaking with demons, the brothers wanted to speak with me again, so I came to, I asked them for water, and they denied me, and they just continued the deliverance without giving me a break. I had been suffering for around 45 minutes straight, with demons screaming out of me, and I was beyond exhausted, I was so dehydrated, and I just needed to stop. They didn't care, they kept going.
They kept shouting at these demons in the name of Jesus to leave, and eventually after another ten minutes, I realized, nothing was happening, we weren't getting anywhere, the demons weren't coming out, and they asked to speak with me again, and I came to the forefront and regained control, and tried talking to them, but they were gone. The demons had got into them somehow, and they were filled with hatred and revulsion for me. They all had the same facial expression of hatred and revulsion for me.
I went around the room and pleaded with them that it was me, but they didn't believe me, they were gone, checked out, I tried bringing up memories of what had happened between us that were specific to each person to bring them to understanding that it was me, and in fact not a demon speaking, but they thought I was a demon speaking. :(
They all grabbed ahold of me, and pinned me down on the bed, but I knew where this was going, the demons in them were going to flood me with fear and fill me with demons again, and I wasn't going to have that, I wasn't going to let them win.
I flailed out of their grasp, told them to get off me, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. I remember as I was running out, Satan told me, "You are the most free person on the planet."
I ran outside, and even the weight of my clothes felt like too much, I was panicking from the trauma of the deliverance and the attack from my brothers, and I stripped off all my clothes and ran down the alley way in the middle of the night and got away from the house.
There were no light, and no one around, and no one followed me, so I just ran down the alley way, and found an abandoned car to sit on for a few minutes until I got a message from God that it was time to go grab my clothes and put my clothes on.
I put my clothes back on, and started walking away from the house because I needed to get some air. That is when one of the other brother's in Christ, the one that I had called initially to join their community of house churches, was there. I think he was guided by the holy spirit to show up there that night.
Anyways, we walked back to the house, and when we got there, there was a cop car and an ambulance there. I guess the brothers had called for a wellness check on me. They wanted to bring me to the hospital to have me evaluated. I protested, but just wanted them to leave me alone, I went with them, and went to the hospital.
Much to no one's surprise, they did nothing for me at the hospital. They just put me in a room where I waited around for 6-8 hours, until I was finally released. I didn't go back to the brother's house though. When they offered me an uber, I went back to my mom's house. I wasn't going to live with them anymore after what they did to me...
A couple weeks passed and two of the brothers who did the deliverance called me, and wanted to schedule a time to meet up so they could minister to me. They came over to my house, and basically told me that I was still demon possessed, and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and then when I confronted them and asked them if they had a problem with me, they lied to my face, and said that they didn't have a problem with me.
About a month passed and the last brother that was a part of deliverance contacted me and invited me to go to church with him. I told him how that experience made me feel, how I was claustrophobic from childhood trauma and that being pinned down by everyone was horribly traumatic, and he said, "Do you feel better now?" in a sarcastic tone. He completely dismissed how I felt, that hurt me badly.
I went to church with him once, but never went with him again, I also never reconnected with any of the other brothers, and then my life started to become very spiritual. God had a path of understanding laid out before me that most people will not tread.
I began to try to become friends with demons and minister to them and try to turn them to Christ. I had a lot of visions during this time, and I cried a lot. I would walk around my neighborhood and see visions of demons sitting on top of the apartment buildings.
When I would go home, I would have visions of demons in my basement, and would have to drive them out in the name of Jesus. I would speak to them too, and wait and listen for them to telepathically communicate with me.
I remember I was suffering badly though, and I needed to go to in-patient mental health again for help. I needed the meds and a place where I could rest and relax.
During my time there, I was communicating with a spirit named Jezebel, and during that time I was suffering very badly. I won't get into all of the details, but I was becoming friends with her, and we shared a deep laugh about something that I cannot remember anymore, but I remember the laugh. It felt so good to laugh after suffering so badly.
During my time while I was there I was seeing visions of my own death. I was seeing people suffering from demonic attack and spirits of confusion. They couldn't remember who they were, or who other people were.
I prayed for a woman to be delivered that night in her sleep, and the next day she was bright and fresh and happy, and doing so much better. God performed a miracle on her, and saved her. She was a normal person again after entering the hospital in a complete state of confusion. It was miraculous. I was honestly jealous, because I was suffering so badly, and she was delivered overnight in her sleep in a relaxed way, while my time had been so intense.
While I was there though, I was under heavy attack, but I pulled through, God pulled me through too, but when I got home, the journey wasn't over though. I was in a spiritual state for a while, and was seeing visions. I could rest in my third eye, and see the spirit world. It was exhausting, I saw a lot of demons, and had to drive them out in the name of Jesus.
Then one night, I was downstairs, and I was with Satan, Lilith, and a spirit calling itself Baal. I remember Baal was sitting in the middle in front of the fireplace, and Satan was to my left, and Lilith was to my right.
I don't remember what we spoke about, I just spent time with them, and I drank a beer with them, the air was heavy with demonic energy, and then I remember Lilith went over to Satan and kneeled before him, and grabbed him by the hand tenderly and asked him to turn away from his evil ways.
Satan neither accepted nor refused, and then I remember maybe 5 minutes passed and I was doing a full-blown deliverance on Lilith. I was praying for her, and I could see visions of her on the ground flailing around, it was awful, and I hope she is okay.
I don't know how long after that passed, but I was delivered many times during this phase. I was around demons a lot and they would get into me, and I would have to expel them out through vomiting, and it was excruciating.
Several months passed after that where I was okay, I spent months just relaxing and recovering, playing video games, smoking weed, and just relaxing. It was nice, but it wasn't the end of my journey.
My next journey was against Thoth. While he was a great help at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, he is not a perfect being like God, and he tried to overtake me. It's really hard to explain what he did, but he was viciously attacking me spiritually, and I sought help to go to the in-patient mental health clinic again. That was where I went when things got too spiritually charged. I had Medicaid, so I was able to go as needed.
They didn't send me to in-patient this time though, they sent me to a crisis pivot center, which is basically a residential house that is being used to treat people suffering from mental illness, where you can receive meds and sleep in a sort of half-way house between in-patient mental health and being back in the world at home.
Anyways, I was suffering grotesquely from Thoth, he is a VERY powerful entity, perhaps one of the strongest I have faced, and has been more cruel to me than even Satan, and I remember having a conversation with one of the people working there about how I had asked a false God at the beginning of my spiritual awakening for help to fix my life, and how that had caused a bunch of problems.
Eventually, I realized I was not receiving the care that I needed while at the crisis center, so I had them transfer me to hospital. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had been awake for days, and I just wanted sleep, so I was looking for Ambien when I went to the hospital, and that's what I got.
I remember they had admitted me to the emergency, but it was so full that every room was full, so they had me in the hallway, and I was just exhausted, and in a very tired state, but my third eye was opened, and I could sense spirits around me, and Satan, Lilith, and Jezebel were there for me that night.
They were hovering over my bed, and speaking to me telepathically, and asking me if I was okay, they were genuinely concerned for me, and wanted to know if I was okay. It was kind of shocking to be honest. These entities are not known for being nice in any way, but they were there for me that night, and God let them be there for me that night, instead of Jesus or someone else, which i find interesting.
This moment and seeing Lilith kneel before Satan made me realize that entities that we think are pure evil, are more dynamic than just evil. They may have evil in them, or have the ability to evil actions, but they can also be good and support others, like they did with me when I was in such an exhausted and vulnerable state after being delivered from Thoth.
I made it back home, and some time passed and I was in a very spiritual moment. My third eye was very awakened. It seems to happen in cycles. That night was a blizzard, and the air was heavy with demonic energy. This time it was the demiurge.
I remember I had dozens if not hundreds of demons in my room, and they were swirling above my bed, and I kept trying to lay down because I was so exhausted, and I kept being told to not lay down because I would squish a spirit, so I chose to not lay down.
I was whistling the avatar theme for the spirits to uplift them and make them feel better, and during this time I was being possessed by spirits. The room was heavy with spiritual energy.
So much happened that I don't want to get into, but it all lead to me being outside in the blizzard, in the snow storm, naked, and laying down in the snow. I had to be very cold for some reason while interacting with these demons, to keep them from overtaking me, and I remember I had to leave my house behind entirely.
My mom came outside before I left the house and I could feel demonic energy, evil spirits, all around her. There was a presence of wrath around her, and she was angry with me, because I had flooded the bathroom of the house while trying to get cold in the shower.
I left the house, there was a foot of snow on the ground, and I was naked and wandering down the street. I would check in with what I thought was God every once in a while to figure out what was happening with the demons in my bedroom.
For some reason when I would have a thought it would affect them in my room. That's really complicated to get into, and I don't understand it, but regardless, I wandered down the street and around the corner, and that is when the police got me.
They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police cruiser, and I remember telling God that the Matrix has me. The police called an ambulance, and they came to get me, I remember they transferred me to the ambulance, and they covered me with blankets, but I didn't want to be warm, I didn't have any control over this situation.
My body started to shut down, and I was struggling to even breathe, and that's when the demiurge appeared. They started speaking to me, and controlling my body to keep me breathing, and that's when I submitted to them, thinking that I was on my own, and God had abandoned me. I told them to fill me with demons, and that I would become a demon lord.
As I would breathe, I could feel demons entering me, spirits. When I got to the hospital, I was possessed by a lot of spirits, and my body was in agony. It's very hard to explain what it feels like, but just imagine discordant energy in your body that makes you feel awful, and physically hurts.
I struggled the entire night, and was in absolute agony. After 6-8 hours I was recovered and feeling better, they had admitted me to the hospital at this time, so I was able to rest in a room and eat plenty of food and recover.
My experience with the demiurge was really traumatic though, but that wasn't the end of my experiences with him.
... to be continued...

When I was around 13 years old, I was a young stupid teenager, and hanging out with my friends, and we were all saying inflammatory things, and I said, "Yeah, if I turn 30, and I haven't accomplished anything, I'll probably just kill myself." It was an awful thing to say, and I can't believe I said it.
Well, I turned 29, I had probably close to 50 jobs, and had a complete discontentment with my life and civilization, and I was contemplating suicide, and then I had a full-blown spiritual awakening, saw a vision of Jesus and God and Satan, and went through an immense dark night of the soul and personal transformation of the heart.
I just have this verse on my heart right now thinking about it, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits, [Psalm 18:21]" and it just reminds me of what I said when I was a teenager.
I know God heard that and knew that he wasn't going to let me die of suicide. He was watching me the whole time, and he cared about me, and he didn't want to lose me, and I'm weeping as I write this, because I'm so grateful.
Three years ago, I was a 29-year-old man whose life had become defined by isolation. Once curious and engaged with the world in my youth, I had slowly withdrawn into myself from depression, retreating into the comfort of my room in my mother's house. My agnostic atheism left me without a guiding light, and the mundane realities of life, from my dozens of failed jobs to my ongoing struggles with addiction, weighed heavily on my spirit. I found solace instead in the company of strategy games and in the rabbit hole of conspiracies on the internet.
My addictions had become an ever-tightening grip on my life. I found myself reaching for cannabis, alcohol, video games, fast food, and pornography to fill the void that had grown in my heart over the years. My life had become a series of hollow habits, each one leaving me feeling emptier than before. I could no longer deny that something was deeply wrong.
One day, while browsing online, I stumbled upon a post that claimed Thoth, the ancient Egyptian deity of knowledge and wisdom, could help those who asked for his assistance. Intrigued, I wondered if reaching out to Thoth could provide me with the help I needed.
Weeks passed since reading the post, and as I stood in my shower, my thoughts drifted to the crossroads my life seemed to have come to. I asked myself why I was stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and why I felt such a profound sense of emptiness. The steam from the shower enveloped me as I said aloud, "Thoth, if you are real, I really need your help right now. I don't want to live like this anymore; I don't want to die yet." As I spoke the words, my hand moved from the side of my body, and then to my forehead and heart, while making a hand-sign and I felt at peace.
I was stunned, realizing the hand-sign I had made was eerily similar to ones I had seen in paintings of Jesus. I was stunned but felt an unusual calmness wash over me. As I dried off and dressed, I pondered what had just happened. I went to the full-body mirror in my room, looking at myself. I saw someone I no longer recognized, someone I no longer wanted to be.
Once more, I said, "Thoth, if you are real, will you help me? This isn't who I want to be anymore." I stared at myself in the mirror, and slowly a vision began to form in my eyes. It wasn’t Thoth I saw, but Jesus.
Jesus appeared with long brown hair, a brown beard, brown eyes, and light brown skin. Half of his face was illuminated by light, while the other half was cast in shadow. The vision of Jesus was so vivid that it left me both in awe and at peace. As the vision of him faded, I remember reaching out to him because I didn't want him to go, I could tell he was here to help.
As night fell, I lay in my bed, lost in deep contemplation. I revisited the events of the day, focusing on the vision of Jesus. The clarity of the vision was imprinted on my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it held a deeper meaning. I pondered the nature of good and evil, and how they were intertwined in a complex dance of duality. I found myself questioning whether the traditional view of evil as something to be hated and shunned was truly the right approach. Instead, I began to entertain the idea that perhaps evil people and perhaps even evil itself, could be understood with compassion and empathy, instead of hatred and disgust.
As I continued to ponder, I experienced a peculiar sensation in my head. It was as though something shifted in the center of my brain, around the area of my third eye or pineal gland. There was a slight pop like a tearing or crunching sound, it was not painful, but surprising nonetheless. I then felt a fluid movement from the left hemisphere of my brain to the right hemisphere, using the third eye as a bridge or something. This shift brought me a sense of balance and calmness I had not felt before. I realized I had been living predominantly in the logical part of my brain, instead of emotional side.
As I embraced this newfound state of relaxation, I began to see another vision in my mind. This time, it was God who appeared. God had long white hair, a white beard, and wore white robes and sandals. Then God began dancing, moving with joy and lightheartedness.
Before I could fully process what I was seeing, another figure appeared alongside God. It was Satan, with red skin and horns. Satan seemed curious and playful, attempting to imitate God's dance moves with enthusiasm. The sight of these two seemingly opposing forces dancing together struck me as surreal.
As I watched them dance, I found myself smiling, and really enjoying the moment. Then, my mind wandered to the Russian squat dance, a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere. To my amazement, God began performing the Russian squat dance, his movements precise and fluid. I couldn't help but laugh. It was awesome and hilarious.
Slowly, they both faded away, leaving me in a state of awe and wonder. I realized that my third eye had opened, granting me access to a deeper level of perception and understanding.
I lay in my bed for a few moments, attempting to grasp the profound implications of the vision I had just experienced. The reality of the spiritual world was undeniable now. God, Jesus, Satan, and other spiritual beings were real, their presence deeply embedded within my new understanding. This stark realization overwhelmed me, and I felt an immense fear wash over me, it was like the Eye of Sauron was upon me, or the eye of Satan.
I began pacing frantically around my room, gasping for air as I tried to process the magnitude of my new awareness. My mind felt as if it were on the brink of shattering; I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The very foundation of my reality had shifted, leaving me teetering on the edge of my sanity.
Despite my racing thoughts and heart, I managed to steady myself using deep breathing techniques I had learned in the past from Wim Hof. My frantic pace gradually slowed, and I returned to my bed, trying to make sense of everything.
I deduced that the condition commonly known as schizophrenia might not be what people thought it was. Instead, it could be an individual's heightened sensitivity to the spirit world, a world most people never perceived.
As I lay in bed, still reeling from my panic, I suddenly saw a vision of Satan. He had red skin and horns, and spoke directly to me, expressing admiration for my deduction. Satan confirmed that what I thought was true: many people were speaking to demons, believing themselves to be schizophrenic. This deceptive world was, indeed, a harsh reality.
I tried to take in Satan's words, but a sensation of something being pulled out of me struck me. It felt as though my very soul was being drained from my body. My energy depleted rapidly, and I was overcome by a sense of impending doom. I lost control of my bodily functions, believing that I was moments away from death.
At the moment when I thought I was succumbing to death, I caught sight of an Easter lily I had bought earlier that day, sitting on my desk. The sight of the beautiful lily sparked a powerful desire to live within me. Fueled by a newfound will to survive coursing through me, I leaped out of my bed, and began pacing back and forth in my room once more, gasping for air.
As I walked, I experienced a series of visions featuring characters I admired and found inspiration from—Master Yoda from Star Wars, Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Neo from The Matrix. I realized that God had shown me these characters because they were a source of moral guidance and strength in my life.
My thoughts then turned to the physical pain I was experiencing. My awareness of the spirit world had heightened significantly, causing my brain to start heating up, and I felt a piercing pain and ballooning sensation near my right temple, which deeply concerned me.
Every time I had a thought, I could feel my brain stem wiggle and I would feel pain in my right temple, so I had to learn to still or quiet my mind. Recognizing that I needed to take action to cool my head and relieve the pain, with a sort of just knowing of what I had to do, I resolved to get a large bowl of ice water and head to the basement.
I quietly left my room so as not to wake my mother, who was sleeping in her room nearby, and ventured downstairs to the basement
At this point you could say I was "possessed" by spirits, Thoth, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was able to rest my consciousness in my third eye, and the Holy Spirit, Thoth, or Jesus could help me and take move my body to keep me alive. There was no way for me to survive without help.
The holy spirit showed me a specific breathing technique to diffuse the energy in my brain by inhaling through my mouth deeply, and then exhaling through my nose in the water. The vibration of exhaling through my nose into the water would cause my brain to feel soothed for a little while, likely stimulating my vagus nerve too, and I believe it was doing something with the fluid in my brain. When I was able to not be at the water, I had to keep pressure on the center of my forehead to rest in my third eye so they could help me.
I remember pacing between the two sections of my basement, and Thoth was helping me breathe just to stay conscious. One half of the basement was bright with light with concrete floors, which is where the bowl of water was, the washer and drier, a sink, and four litter boxes. On the other side of the basement was dark with a carpeted floor and a wood fireplace. The basement's light was painted in the duality of light and dark.
I remained in the basement until the sun rose, soaking my head in icewater, and pacing back and forth between the dark and light rooms because i would become overly sensitive to one particular room, and I was just trying to breathe to stay conscious. I was battling the spirit of fear the entire night. The fear from my initial awakening and the fear of death over and over again, hundreds if not thousands of times.
I soaked my head in the ice water all night, getting momentary breaks from the water, and certain I was going to die hundreds of times from a brain hemorrhage, I stood on the hard pavement for hours, I remember Jesus was my legs at one point, I could feel him focusing through me to keep me standing. I continuously soaked my head in the ice water to combat the piercing pain and ballooning sensation in my right temple. Throughout the night, I heard voices speaking to me—some belonging to what I would call demons and others to angels.
The demons tried to instill fear in me, convincing me I was going to die. While the angels offered comfort and reassurance, telling me I would be okay. Despite the torment I endured, I found profound inner strength and refused to give up. I remember squeezing my Celtic cross necklace so hard during this time.
The sun rose on the second day, I had been awake all night, I was beyond exhausted. I don't remember all of the specifics of this time, my awakening was very traumatic, but several hours passed and I remember being told that I needed to grab a book and go outside down the street and sit by a tree. I refused, and Satan said, "Do you want to die?" I said "No," and grabbed a book and went outside and walked down the street to a tree and sat with my back leaned against it.
I read my book for about 10 minutes when two women carrying their babies in slings approached me, and asked me what I was reading. I told them the name of the book, Inner Engineering by Sadghuru, and they said that they were doing a prayer walk, and wanted to share the gospel message with me. I knew this was a divine appointment. This was meant to happen.
They shared the gospel message with me, and then offered to let me join their community of house churches, and gave me the number of one of their husbands so I could call and get connected with them.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing, but was unable to sleep and barely ate anything, and once the night fell, I was in the basement again, soaking my head in ice water. I would often get relief during the days when the sun was out, and then at night, it was a brutal spiritual battle all night in the basement where I was fighting for my life.
On the second day, I was in the kitchen, and I had the right side of my head in the ice water, and was moving my head up to breathe in through my mouth, and then I would tilt my head back down and exhale my entire breath out through my nose. I didn't know what I was doing, I was just listening to guidance from what I believe was the holy spirit.
After around 15-20 minutes of intense exhaling through my nose, a ton of white viscous liquid started coming out of my nose, and filling the bowl, it wasn't painful at all, it was a massive relief, and the excess fluid in my head was somehow being drained out. When the process was done, I remember I felt amazing, incredible actually, like my head was clear of all confusion, and I was so very much alive and conscious.
I went outside and was swinging a stick like a sword and having fun, and I think I got a little overzealous and jumped the fence behind my house, and started going on an adventure. After around 3-5 minutes though, the fluid started building back up, and I had to soak my head in a puddle to keep my brain cool. When I returned home, I went back to the water to soak my head. I still hadn't slept.
That night was brutal, and I was suffering badly, and I remember I was sitting on the dark side of the basement, but I had turned on the lamp. I was sitting on pillows, and I had just been soaking my head in the water. Satan then told me that in order to save the world, I would have to die by popping my third eye. I don't know why I believed him, I didn't have discernment at the time, and I was just following whatever guidance was coming my way, but I know that I had to do that to find my true strength.
I sat for a moment and contemplated. I grabbed a wooden walking stick that was nearby, and I moved it to my forehead, and pushed it into the center of my head as hard as I could until my arms literally gave out. I thought of my mom and sister, and I wanted the world to be free from suffering, but I wasn't meant to die that day. I cried very hard, and I learned that the human skull is very strong. I got up and went back to the ice water, and my forehead was numb.
Eventually, after three days and nights of this suffering, following the path God laid out before me, I reached my complete breaking point. I declared to the spirits that I had had enough. I was done soaking my head in ice water and I slowly and bravely removed my head from the bowl of water.
I was shivering so badly. These weren't just cold shivers, these were spiritual shivers, they shake you to your very core. I felt awful. Those who have been delivered will know what I am speaking about when I saw spiritual shivers. I spread out pillows on the floor, and lay down to rest. As I settled in, I pulled the blanket over me, and I remember I felt the comforting presence of Jesus, he was tucking me in.
I slept for just a few hours and awoke up early on Saturday morning. I remember my head hurt and it felt like the left side of my head was full of fluid. I grabbed the bowl of ice water, and this time, however, I decided to sit outside. The pain in my head was still excruciating, and I thought I might die.
My mother saw me outside, and concerned about my well-being, approached me to check if I was okay. I told her to call the ambulance because I needed help, and she quickly complied. When the paramedics arrived, they took me to the hospital, where I hoped I would receive the medical care I desperately needed, but that wasn't what was in store for me.
I got to the hospital, and the medical establishment, unfortunately, has no empathy or concern for people's mental sufferings. I asked them for water to drink because I was so dehydrated, and they wouldn't give me water.
Then, I got admitted to the hospital, and they finally gave me some juice and a snack, and I was starting to relax, but then a voice came into my head, it was Satan, and he made me think I needed to soak my head in the icewater again and expel the white viscous fluid again, so I started panicking a bit and had them bring me a bowl of ice water, and I began soaking my head.
They had probably never seen anything like what I was doing, and thought I was just crazy, because they basically came after me and tied me to the bed, and forcefully injected me with something to make me calm down or sleep, and then they didn't talk to me at all anymore throughout the night.
I am claustrophobic, so being tied down was absolute torture for me. They left me in the dark hospital room suffering all night, tied to the bed, thinking I was going to die the entire night, and then finally the sun rose on the horizon, and when the nurse came in to draw my blood in the morning, I asked them to request security to release me from the restraints. They have no empathy for people. Something is deeply wrong with the medical system.
Anyways, they finally sent me to an in-patient mental health clinic which is honestly just a warehouse for people to take meds, sleep, and eat, away from society. It was honestly a welcome respite, but there's no therapy available at these places. Which means no real internal healing is taking place for people suffering.
Once I got to the in-patient mental health clinic, I spent the first day mostly just relaxing, but there was a man there that was definitely possessed by a demon. He would be shouting a bunch of biblical verses about the kingdom of God, and a lot more, and then he would be on the floor the next, flailing around, being tortured by a demon. One of the other patients there told me he is being tortured by something, and I see what she means now.
I spent the rest of my time there recovering the best I could, and just taking the meds to calm down, and try to get some sleep, and spent time listening to people's stories. One of the girls there told me that the wound on my forehead from when I pushed the wooden staff into my forehead, looked like a cross, and she was right.
When I got out of the in-patient mental health clinic, I called the number that I had received during my three days and nights dark night of the soul.
I joined their community of house churches, and was studying the Bible with them for several months and meeting with them frequently, and I thought I had found my forever friends. We would go on prayer walks, and I was eventually baptized at a lake, and thought that I had a new life of faith waiting for me with new friends.
They were concerned about my well-being and cared about me, but a small part of me felt like I was being controlled by them too, like they wanted me to conform to all of their beliefs and everything in the Bible as fact, and the word of God, and I have always been very sensitive to manipulation since I was a child, and I could tell they were manipulating me. They never left room for me to be myself, and share my beliefs without condemnation, which is a major red flag.
Recognizing this, I distanced myself from them, and went on my own spiritual journey where I spent months conversing with the spirit world in my backyard. walking in circles. I spoke to God and Satan/Lucifer and was trying to come to understanding why Satan would reject God's will.
After some time, I realized I was just being tortured, and I needed help. I was suffering from a lot, and I needed deliverance. Satan had taken up a seat in my mind because I let him, and I had demons hurting me. I reached out to the Christian group again after several months of being distant from them, and they said there was an opportunity to move in with some Christian brothers and live with them, so I jumped on the opportunity. I was so excited. I was on fire for God.
I got to the house, and moved my stuff in, and then the night fell on the first night, and the enemy was not having it. The demons and Satan were not having it. They did NOT want me living with my brothers in Christ because they knew I was detached from all the boxes of thought control, and I was living in the spirit, wasn't a slave of mind or spirit. They wanted to destroy our relationship, between us, the brothers of Christ, and they did.
I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I was entirely in the spirit at the time, I was detached from my body in a way, and just following the path laid out before me. I could feel that I needed to go outside and walk the neighborhood as a part of my spiritual path, so I left the house, and walked barefoot throughout the neighborhood.
While walking the neighborhood, I was in full spirit mode, I was communicating with God and Jesus, and they were guiding me on my path. I saw visions of them sitting beside a tree and trimming off rotten fruit, which I think was symbolic of them removing rotten fruit from my mind. I also saw them sweeping out a room and cleaning it, as if symbolic of my mind, and them cleaning my mind and purifying it. I also remember seeing a symbolic vision of myself holding up a golden gemstone encrusted goblet to God.
During that night, I declared war on the principalities of darkness. Against the forces of darkness. I saw skulls in the clouds, and could tell they were communicating with me as they are spirits of the air.
My feet were bloodied from walking around the neighborhood barefoot, I was completely lost all night, I was new to the neighborhood too, and had no idea where I was, so I wandered for hours throughout the night, so hungry, tired, and thirsty, and just physically and mentally exhausted, but I endured. That night made me realize how strong I really am when I let go of everything and trust in God. When I completely become the spirit instead of the body. The human body is incredible and capable of withstanding far more than we know.
Finally, I found my way to the house, and my footsteps were spilling blood on the front porch. The door was locked, and I knocked, and one of the brothers let me in, and I went to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all, my mind was very active, it was very similar to when I had my spiritual awakening, I was just unable to sleep because of how active my mind was. I spent the whole night awake.
The next day, I was suffering horrible spiritual attack, my head was in pain and I was holding my head just to feel comfortable, and one of the brothers called a friend of theirs to come and do a deliverance. I remember them being very bold, but gentle... firm, but kind to me, as they expelled some of the demons through prayer. It wasn't a painful deliverance or too exhausting, it was gentle by comparison. I felt much better after the deliverance, hungry and thirsty again, and wanted to nourish my body. I spent the rest of the day relaxing a bit, and listening to the other believers talk about the Bible, and their beliefs.
That night, I was delivered again, and it was awful. My brothers in Christ shouldn't have done the deliverance, but I don't know if I even would have made the rest of the night it if they didn't. I think the holy spirit guided them to do the deliverance, but it went out of control.
I was in my room, suffering deeply, holding my head, and all three brothers who lived there came up to my room to check on me, and pray for me. Their prayers turned into a full blown deliverance, and demons were screaming out of me for around half an hour straight. They were casting them out in the name of Jesus, but it was awful, it's one of my most traumatic memories. I was suffering so badly, and honestly I could tell the demons were suffering so badly, and my brothers in Christ had zero empathy for me.
After speaking with demons, the brothers wanted to speak with me again, so I came to, I asked them for water, and they denied me, and they just continued the deliverance without giving me a break. I had been suffering for around 45 minutes straight, with demons screaming out of me, and I was beyond exhausted, I was so dehydrated, and I just needed to stop. They didn't care, they kept going.
They kept shouting at these demons in the name of Jesus to leave, and eventually after another ten minutes, I realized, nothing was happening, we weren't getting anywhere, the demons weren't coming out, and they asked to speak with me again, and I came to the forefront and regained control, and tried talking to them, but they were gone. The demons had got into them somehow, and they were filled with hatred and revulsion for me. They all had the same facial expression of hatred and revulsion for me.
I went around the room and pleaded with them that it was me, but they didn't believe me, they were gone, checked out, I tried bringing up memories of what had happened between us that were specific to each person to bring them to understanding that it was me, and in fact not a demon speaking, but they thought I was a demon speaking. :(
They all grabbed ahold of me, and pinned me down on the bed, but I knew where this was going, the demons in them were going to flood me with fear and fill me with demons again, and I wasn't going to have that, I wasn't going to let them win.
I flailed out of their grasp, told them to get off me, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. I remember as I was running out, Satan told me, "You are the most free person on the planet."
I ran outside, and even the weight of my clothes felt like too much, I was panicking from the trauma of the deliverance and the attack from my brothers, and I stripped off all my clothes and ran down the alley way in the middle of the night and got away from the house.
There were no light, and no one around, and no one followed me, so I just ran down the alley way, and found an abandoned car to sit on for a few minutes until I got a message from God that it was time to go grab my clothes and put my clothes on.
I put my clothes back on, and started walking away from the house because I needed to get some air. That is when one of the other brother's in Christ, the one that I had called initially to join their community of house churches, was there. I think he was guided by the holy spirit to show up there that night.
Anyways, we walked back to the house, and when we got there, there was a cop car and an ambulance there. I guess the brothers had called for a wellness check on me. They wanted to bring me to the hospital to have me evaluated. I protested, but just wanted them to leave me alone, I went with them, and went to the hospital.
Much to no one's surprise, they did nothing for me at the hospital. They just put me in a room where I waited around for 6-8 hours, until I was finally released. I didn't go back to the brother's house though. When they offered me an uber, I went back to my mom's house. I wasn't going to live with them anymore after what they did to me...
A couple weeks passed and two of the brothers who did the deliverance called me, and wanted to schedule a time to meet up so they could minister to me. They came over to my house, and basically told me that I was still demon possessed, and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and then when I confronted them and asked them if they had a problem with me, they lied to my face, and said that they didn't have a problem with me.
About a month passed and the last brother that was a part of deliverance contacted me and invited me to go to church with him. I told him how that experience made me feel, how I was claustrophobic from childhood trauma and that being pinned down by everyone was horribly traumatic, and he said, "Do you feel better now?" in a sarcastic tone. He completely dismissed how I felt, that hurt me badly.
I went to church with him once, but never went with him again, I also never reconnected with any of the other brothers, and then my life started to become very spiritual. God had a path of understanding laid out before me that most people will not tread.
I began to try to become friends with demons and minister to them and try to turn them to Christ. I had a lot of visions during this time, and I cried a lot. I would walk around my neighborhood and see visions of demons sitting on top of the apartment buildings.
When I would go home, I would have visions of demons in my basement, and would have to drive them out in the name of Jesus. I would speak to them too, and wait and listen for them to telepathically communicate with me.
I remember I was suffering badly though, and I needed to go to in-patient mental health again for help. I needed the meds and a place where I could rest and relax.
During my time there, I was communicating with a spirit named Jezebel, and during that time I was suffering very badly. I won't get into all of the details, but I was becoming friends with her, and we shared a deep laugh about something that I cannot remember anymore, but I remember the laugh. It felt so good to laugh after suffering so badly.
During my time while I was there I was seeing visions of my own death. I was seeing people suffering from demonic attack and spirits of confusion. They couldn't remember who they were, or who other people were.
I prayed for a woman to be delivered that night in her sleep, and the next day she was bright and fresh and happy, and doing so much better. God performed a miracle on her, and saved her. She was a normal person again after entering the hospital in a complete state of confusion. It was miraculous. I was honestly jealous, because I was suffering so badly, and she was delivered overnight in her sleep in a relaxed way, while my time had been so intense.
While I was there though, I was under heavy attack, but I pulled through, God pulled me through too, but when I got home, the journey wasn't over though. I was in a spiritual state for a while, and was seeing visions. I could rest in my third eye, and see the spirit world. It was exhausting, I saw a lot of demons, and had to drive them out in the name of Jesus.
Then one night, I was downstairs, and I was with Satan, Lilith, and a spirit calling itself Baal. I remember Baal was sitting in the middle in front of the fireplace, and Satan was to my left, and Lilith was to my right.
I don't remember what we spoke about, I just spent time with them, and I drank a beer with them, the air was heavy with demonic energy, and then I remember Lilith went over to Satan and kneeled before him, and grabbed him by the hand tenderly and asked him to turn away from his evil ways.
Satan neither accepted nor refused, and then I remember maybe 5 minutes passed and I was doing a full-blown deliverance on Lilith. I was praying for her, and I could see visions of her on the ground flailing around, it was awful, and I hope she is okay.
I don't know how long after that passed, but I was delivered many times during this phase. I was around demons a lot and they would get into me, and I would have to expel them out through vomiting, and it was excruciating.
Several months passed after that where I was okay, I spent months just relaxing and recovering, playing video games, smoking weed, and just relaxing. It was nice, but it wasn't the end of my journey.
My next journey was against Thoth. While he was a great help at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, he is not a perfect being like God, and he tried to overtake me. It's really hard to explain what he did, but he was viciously attacking me spiritually, and I sought help to go to the in-patient mental health clinic again. That was where I went when things got too spiritually charged. I had Medicaid, so I was able to go as needed.
They didn't send me to in-patient this time though, they sent me to a crisis pivot center, which is basically a residential house that is being used to treat people suffering from mental illness, where you can receive meds and sleep in a sort of half-way house between in-patient mental health and being back in the world at home.
Anyways, I was suffering grotesquely from Thoth, he is a VERY powerful entity, perhaps one of the strongest I have faced, and has been more cruel to me than even Satan, and I remember having a conversation with one of the people working there about how I had asked a false God at the beginning of my spiritual awakening for help to fix my life, and how that had caused a bunch of problems.
Eventually, I realized I was not receiving the care that I needed while at the crisis center, so I had them transfer me to hospital. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had been awake for days, and I just wanted sleep, so I was looking for Ambien when I went to the hospital, and that's what I got.
I remember they had admitted me to the emergency, but it was so full that every room was full, so they had me in the hallway, and I was just exhausted, and in a very tired state, but my third eye was opened, and I could sense spirits around me, and Satan, Lilith, and Jezebel were there for me that night.
They were hovering over my bed, and speaking to me telepathically, and asking me if I was okay, they were genuinely concerned for me, and wanted to know if I was okay. It was kind of shocking to be honest. These entities are not known for being nice in any way, but they were there for me that night, and God let them be there for me that night, instead of Jesus or someone else, which i find interesting.
This moment and seeing Lilith kneel before Satan made me realize that entities that we think are pure evil, are more dynamic than just evil. They may have evil in them, or have the ability to evil actions, but they can also be good and support others, like they did with me when I was in such an exhausted and vulnerable state after being delivered from Thoth.
I made it back home, and some time passed and I was in a very spiritual moment. My third eye was very awakened. It seems to happen in cycles. That night was a blizzard, and the air was heavy with demonic energy. This time it was the demiurge.
I remember I had dozens if not hundreds of demons in my room, and they were swirling above my bed, and I kept trying to lay down because I was so exhausted, and I kept being told to not lay down because I would squish a spirit, so I chose to not lay down.
I was whistling the avatar theme for the spirits to uplift them and make them feel better, and during this time I was being possessed by spirits. The room was heavy with spiritual energy.
So much happened that I don't want to get into, but it all lead to me being outside in the blizzard, in the snow storm, naked, and laying down in the snow. I had to be very cold for some reason while interacting with these demons, to keep them from overtaking me, and I remember I had to leave my house behind entirely.
My mom came outside before I left the house and I could feel demonic energy, evil spirits, all around her. There was a presence of wrath around her, and she was angry with me, because I had flooded the bathroom of the house while trying to get cold in the shower.
I left the house, there was a foot of snow on the ground, and I was naked and wandering down the street. I would check in with what I thought was God every once in a while to figure out what was happening with the demons in my bedroom.
For some reason when I would have a thought it would affect them in my room. That's really complicated to get into, and I don't understand it, but regardless, I wandered down the street and around the corner, and that is when the police got me.
They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police cruiser, and I remember telling God that the Matrix has me. The police called an ambulance, and they came to get me, I remember they transferred me to the ambulance, and they covered me with blankets, but I didn't want to be warm, I didn't have any control over this situation.
My body started to shut down, and I was struggling to even breathe, and that's when the demiurge appeared. They started speaking to me, and controlling my body to keep me breathing, and that's when I submitted to them, thinking that I was on my own, and God had abandoned me. I told them to fill me with demons, and that I would become a demon lord.
As I would breathe, I could feel demons entering me, spirits. When I got to the hospital, I was possessed by a lot of spirits, and my body was in agony. It's very hard to explain what it feels like, but just imagine discordant energy in your body that makes you feel awful, and physically hurts.
I struggled the entire night, and was in absolute agony. After 6-8 hours I was recovered and feeling better, they had admitted me to the hospital at this time, so I was able to rest in a room and eat plenty of food and recover.
My experience with the demiurge was really traumatic though, but that wasn't the end of my experiences with him.
... to be continued...

Hi everyone, this is my first post in this community (23M). I was baptized, confirmed, and received my first communion on the Easter Vigil this year. The main reason I joined was because I believe we are right and the evidence is overwhelming. I come from a secular upbringing and little exposure to religion so all of my knowledge has been gained over the last 6 years (most within the last 8 months). I have believed Christianity is true since 2018 but I wasn’t 100% sure which church was right until the last year. I wanted to just provide a helpful bullet point “cheat sheet” of why we are the true church that I tried to keep as brief as possible, I think I did an okay job. I wanted to address the protestant objections specifically. I didn’t include the full bible verses below for all the ones quoted to save space on this post so please look those up on your own for full scripture.
Why the Catholic Church is the one true church:

1: The Papacy and Central Authority:

-Matthew 16:18 (Peter is given the keys to the church and head apostle power)(binding and loosing) -Early church fathers stress the importance of being in communion with Rome

2: Not by Faith Alone:

-James 2:24-“a person is justified by his works and not by faith alone” (only time “faith alone” shows up in the bible) -John 3:36 (believe in Jesus or disobey-this implies the opposite of believing is disobeying which means not only faith is needed) -James 2:19 (the devil believes in God and is not saved) -Philippians 2:12 (we have to work out salvation-implies works are involved if initial justification is not enough here (this is obeying, look back at John 3:36)
**They may quote the following 2 verses to object: -Galatians 2:16 (works of law here=Jewish mosaic law (613 Jewish commandments that christians don’t follow so of course we wouldn’t be justified by them)(example: required circumsicion or banned from eating pork) -Romans 3:20 (works of law here is human law, Paul is speaking to gentiles)

3: Confession to Priest

-John 20:23 (“If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven”)(Jesus says this to his apostles)

4: Baptism Required for Salvation/Infant Baptism

-John 3:5 (“no one can enter kingdom of heaven without being born of water and spirit”)

5: Real Presence in Eucharist

-John 6:51, 1 Corinthians 11:27-29 (both describe the literal flesh and blood of Christ being present) -Look up Eucharistic Miracles for real life proof

6: Apostolic Succession/Traditions

-Acts 1:12 (You see here that Judas replaced by Matthias therefore showing the first apostolic succession) -2 Thessalonians 2:15 (keep apostolic traditions) -1 Corinthians 11:2 (keep apostolic traditions)

7: The Catholic Church predates the Bible and decided on the Biblical Canon in 382 AD at the Council of Rome/The Protestants Removed 7 Books from the Bible

-The Early church used the Greek Septuagint Old Testament as their holy book to reference so Martin Luther removing the 7 books is a huge problem if preaching bible alone, it’s not even the full bible that was canonized.

8: Overwhelming Real Life Evidence of Miracles that Science has tested

-Eucharistic miracles, Our Lady of Fatima, Our Lady of Lourdes, Our Lady of Guadalupe

9: Unity

-Christ preaches against division, why would he want 30,000 denominations? The Central Authority keeps the Church unified and not broken off -Why would Jesus allow a false church to run the world for 1000-1500 years and then a man in the 1500s knows more than a church descended from Christ himself -Oral tradition precedes the Bible and Jesus doesn’t say to write the Bible anywhere in the Bible, he does say he is establishing a church, however. (Matthew 16:18) -The only way to have consistent teaching is through one church

10: Purgatory

-1 Corinthians 3:11-15, Matthew 12:32 also why would there be no in-between if someone dies in minor sin because nothing impure can enter heaven (Revelation 21:27)

11: Praying to the Saints

-First off, Prayer does not mean worship, it means request for help or expression of thanks-that is the dictionary definition -Intercessory prayer is supported in the bible and Mary is clearly in heaven and full of grace (rev 12)(luke 1:28) (also prayers to Mary are found in catacombs 250 AD) -The saint prayers are likely more found in tradition than the new testament itself since the saints were all alive at the point the new testament works were being written but the bible supports it anyways (bible doesn’t say bible alone so it wouldn’t matter) -The saints are not dead-they have eternal life, so it’s not praying to the dead: “And as for the dead being raised, have you not read in the book of Moses, in the story about the bush, how God said to him, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is God not of the dead, but of the living; you are quite wrong.” - Mark 12:26-27) (Revelation 5:8, 8:3) -Also…Why do protestants pray for each other if only God is needed? -Only valid question here is how do we know the saints are in heaven but that shouldn’t be a real problem with all of the above listed
Conclusion: when Jesus was on Earth, he gave us a church that administers sacraments to receive God’s grace. The Bible itself is the Inspired word of God that came years and years later. The Church and Tradition predate scripture so to ignore their continued importance is hard to argue because the religion would not have spread for 300 years without them. This is why the Catholic Church is truly the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church.

My trip to Colombia is coming to an end. It's been really useful to use my Spanish in the real world and hear how real people speak. Probably the single most interesting thing happened today, though.
I'm staying at an Airbnb in Bogota and my host had a birthday party. I was invited, which was very nice of her. It seemed like a good chance to test my Spanish and gain some cultural insights.
It started at around 16:00 and finished at around 21:00. It wasn't someone in their 20s, so there was no heavy drinking and loud music. I was relieved that it was mostly older people and there was a lot of talking.
People moved in out of the room. I'd say there were 16 at peak. There were 4 generations of the same family, plus some friends. There were a couple of children under 16, but most people were in their mid-twenties up to their eighties.
They played a group game near the beginning; everyone had to say their name and what they liked, then repeat everyone's name and interests the second time around. That was pretty easy for me. There were a few words I didn't know, but it was a pretty easy listening exercise. I didn't participate, as my accent is hard for a lot of people and listening to the events of the evening was my goal.
The hardest part was when small conversations broke out. I could follow one or two, but they were spread out and it was usually difficult to hear people. They were too far away, or spoke quite quietly if they were closer to me. Plus, there was background music the whole time. I could follow some of them, though. I think 10 or 12 people all speaking about different things is easily the hardest test of my Spanish so far and, frankly, I'm not at the point where I can manage that.
Happy birthday was sung in English, for the record. Followed by a verse in Spanish at the end.
It was a really interesting experience for me and I think easily the single most interesting event of the trip.
For better or worse, a Colombian who had spent time in London - and spoke English very well - sat down and started talking to me in English after the first couple of hours of the party. I gained some cultural insights about the history of the country, racism and we talked about dubbed content and its issues. However, we didn't speak much in Spanish.

I've been seriously researching, listening, and trying to find out if being LGBTQ+ is seriously a sin or not. I'm really struggling and unsure. I could use advice. I frequently see people mention 1946 and "clobber verses". I plan to do my own personal researching and praying regarding the subject regardless.
However, I still thought it might be helpful to have some feedback or input. This what I know about 1946 and the "clobber verses" of the Bible so far (or the claims that some people make).
\ The word "homosexual" was not in the Bible until 1946.*
\ The so called verses that people quote to condemn LGBTQ+ are taken out of context, and are often referring to pedophilia and/or abusive behavior which were major problems in Bible times.*
Those are the only two things I know, which is not nearly enough to truly come to a good conclusion. I would really appreciate some advice / help filling me in on the information about the 1946 film and/or the historical context of the verses that condemn LGBTQ+.
NOTE: PLEASE don't comment something like "all people who say that LGBTQ+ is not a sin are twisting the Bible" or "1946 is completely false" I'm just trying to respectfully look at the information.

Sigh, it's a long, long story with deep layers to it, but I'll make it as short as I can. Mother and her folks hail from the rural Southern US, where Christianity and traditional values rule. Whenever horrible things have happened, they place it on God and then they sweep it under the rug, as if that solves anything -- it's why I gave up on Christianity. How about getting a therapist. Even in the bible it says that faith w/o works is useless, but you know how they cherry-pick biblical verses lol.
She has always treated her older son better than me, allowing him to get away with bullying me and spewing far-right, conspiracy theory nonsense. He has never had to be accountable for anything, because she didn't teach him that, instead coddling and babying him, while I had to be her therapist as a teen. And yes, I have talked to her about this many times, she doesn't care and never will.
She's talked smack about other toxic relatives behind their backs but smiles in their faces. Southern hospitality, am I right?
I still live with her, but don't talk to her at all. And it's lovely. There will never be a relationship between us. Her and her son can live happily ever after.
Btw, 'father's' and his side are tiny, but are very violent ppl, excluding my niece. He is scum of the earth. I trust none of aforementioned relatives.

Hi all! I'm turning 30 this fall, and I'm trying to avoid planning my own party, but also want to give my husband and our friends some good starting points. What would you recommend for relatively low-key, low-cost Burlington milestone party activities?
Note: my husband and I have lived here for nearly 4 years, but we've had limited opportunities to organize group hangouts in that time, so I'm not as well-versed in options as I'd like to be.
Edit: I know there's a list of things to do, I was hoping to get thoughts from others who have planned milestone birthdays specifically. I do plan on looking at that list as well.

Hello there, dear reader. Today, we're going to explore a topic that touches many lives but often remains shrouded in silence—coping with anxiety and stress through a Christian lens. If you've ever felt the world's weight on your shoulders, you're not alone. Let's walk through this together, uncovering wisdom and strategies to bring light into dark moments.
Understanding the Battle Within Before diving deep, we must understand what we're dealing with. Anxiety, by scientific definition, is more than just feeling stressed or worried. When these feelings are heightened, long-lasting, and often without any particular reason, they affect our daily lives. On the other hand, stress usually arises from a known source and dissipates once the situation is resolved.
How do we view these struggles as Christians? Many of us are taught to "be anxious for nothing," yet it's not always that simple, is it? It’s a journey of navigating our faith while gracefully and truthfully addressing our mental health.
The Spiritual Framework for Healing Prayer and Meditation: Engaging in prayer and meditation can significantly alleviate anxiety. It allows us to surrender our worries to God, gaining peace that, as Philippians 4:7 explains, "transcends all understanding."
Scriptural Anchors: Clinging to verses that reassure and strengthen our spirit is vital. Verses like Psalm 34:4, where David recounts, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears,” remind us of God's faithful intervention.
Why Scriptural Anchors are Vital. Scriptural Anchors serve as a spiritual compass, especially in times of turmoil. They offer solace and a tangible reminder of God’s omnipresence and his unwavering support in our lives. For many believers, these verses are not merely words but divine assurances that impact emotional resilience.
Examples and Their Impact Psalm 34:4: This verse encapsulates the essence of divine intervention. It reflects a personal plea for help and the subsequent divine response, a common theme throughout the Psalms. For someone grappling with anxiety, the verse serves as a reminder that seeking God can lead to deliverance from fear.
Isaiah 41:10: "Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help and uphold you with my righteous right hand." This verse is particularly powerful for those feeling alone in their struggles. It reassures them of God's presence and promises support and strength.
Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." These lines are a directive against worry and an encouragement to engage in prayer, framing it as a tool that communicates with the divine and secures a supernatural peace.
Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." This invitation from Jesus offers a direct call to those burdened—emotionally, physically, or spiritually—promising relief and rest under his care.
Integrating Scriptural Anchors into Daily Life Incorporating these scriptural anchors into daily life can be done through various practices:
Daily Devotionals: Setting aside specific times for reading and meditation on these verses. Scripture Memorization: Committing these verses to memory to recall during stress or anxiety.
The Importance of Daily Devotionals and Scripture Memorization in Navigating Anxiety and Stress In the spiritual life of a Christian, daily devotionals and scripture memorization are not just practices but foundational habits that foster a deep, personal connection with God. These practices serve multiple purposes, especially for those battling anxiety and stress. Here’s why they are so crucial:
Daily Devotionals: A Time to Connect and Reflect

1. Structure and Routine: Establishing a daily devotional time helps create a routine which can be very comforting in itself. For individuals facing anxiety, the predictability of a set routine provides a sense of normalcy and control over their day.
   
2. Focused Time with God: Daily devotionals provide an exclusive time to connect with God, allowing individuals to pour out their fears, anxieties, and thanksgivings. This uninterrupted focus helps cultivate a personal relationship with God, essential for spiritual growth and emotional stability.
   
3. Meditation on Scripture: This practice isn’t just about reading the Bible; it involves meditation, allowing words to permeate one’s mind and spirit. This meditation can transform fear into faith through the power of God’s word, which often speaks directly to the anxieties and worries one may be experiencing.
   
4. Renewal of Mind: As Romans 12:2 notes, the renewal of the mind is a transformation that begins with engaging the Scripture. For those suffering from anxiety, this renewal process can shift perspectives, from focusing on earthly troubles to contemplating eternal promises.
   

Scripture Memorization: An Anchor in Stormy Seas

1. Immediate Comfort: Memorizing verses allows individuals to recall God’s promises exactly when needed, providing immediate comfort and reassurance in moments of anxiety or stress. It’s like having a spiritual toolkit always accessible.
   
2. Strengthening Faith: Memorization isn’t just about retaining and reinforcing faith. These scriptures, when memorized, serve as constant reminders of God’s presence and power, reinforcing trust in His sovereignty over every situation.
   
3. Psychological Relief: Psychologically, the repetition involved in memorization can be a soothing activity. It can serve as cognitive behavioral therapy, where the mind is trained to replace negative thoughts with biblical truths.
   
4. Accessibility: Unlike other forms of engagement with scripture, memorized verses are always with you, requiring no apps, books, or devices. This accessibility makes it easier to draw on spiritual truths during unforeseen or challenging moments.
   

Implementing These Practices To integrate these practices effectively, one might start by setting a specific time and place each day for devotionals, creating a sacred space and time free from interruptions. For memorization, beginning with one verse a week and using it as a daily affirmation can be a manageable approach. Over time, these verses become part of one's mental landscape, ready to offer comfort and guidance whenever needed.
In summary, daily devotionals and scripture memorization are not mere religious obligations; they are vital practices that enhance spiritual well-being and provide practical aids for mental health. They help anchor the soul, offering stability and peace in the tumultuous seas of life.
Prayer: Using these scriptures as part of regular prayer sessions, asking God to actualize these promises in one's life.
Other supportive activities.
Community Sharing: Discussing these verses within a community setting to gain different perspectives and support. Through these practices, scriptural anchors provide comfort and actively participate in individuals' spiritual and emotional fortification, enabling a deeper connection with faith and a more resilient approach to life’s challenges.
Community Support: Being part of a church community provides emotional and spiritual support. Sharing our struggles with fellow believers can lighten our burdens and deepen our communal ties.
Faith in Action: Sometimes, action is a form of faith. Engaging in volunteer work or helping others can shift our focus away from ourselves and towards serving, which has been shown to improve mental health.
Professional Help: It’s okay to seek help. Consulting with Christian counselors or therapists who respect our faith values can offer professional advice and coping strategies that align with our beliefs.
Engaging with Our Feelings Now, let’s talk about this. How do you deal with anxiety and stress in your life? Do you find certain scriptures or prayers more comforting than others? Your insights are invaluable, and I would love to hear them. Please send us an email at spiritcallingbook@google.com.
A Gentle Reminder In conclusion, dealing with anxiety and stress as a Christian isn’t about denying our feelings but navigating them with faith and community. We are reminded to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). Let’s take these words to heart and reach for the serenity promised.
What’s Your Next Step? Feeling inspired to act? As we discussed today, here are five signs to watch for in your journey toward coping with anxiety and stress. Reflect on these, and share them with someone who might need a word of encouragement as much as you did.
Remember, you're not walking this path alone. Whether you seek professional help, join a prayer group, or spend a few quiet moments in scripture, every step forward is a step toward peace.
Prayer
Loving God, In the stillness of this moment, we come before You, recognizing You as our Refuge and Strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Lord, we lift all those who are burdened with anxiety and stress, whose hearts are heavy and spirits weary.
We ask You, gracious God, to envelop them with Your peace—the peace that surpasses all understanding. May this peace guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Let them feel Your presence as a calming and comforting force amid their turmoil.
Holy Spirit, Comforter, and Guide, we pray earnestly for Your gentle touch upon their lives. Breathe upon them, Holy Spirit. Let Your presence be felt more profoundly than ever. Illuminate their minds to see beyond their circumstances. Grant them the assurance that they are not alone, that You are with them in every anxious moment and stressful day.
Instill in them the hope and strength that come from knowing You. May they find rest in Your promises and solace in Your love. Help them to cast their cares upon You, for You care deeply for them. May they experience Your transformative peace as they navigate the challenges of each day.
Lord, we also pray for wisdom for those who support and love them. Equip us to be sources of comfort and understanding, to reflect Your love and compassion in our words and actions.
Thank you, God, for hearing our prayers. We trust in Your unfailing love and mighty power, believing that You are working all things for good.
In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen.

Welcome, all. This will be a rather long post explaining my journey. To get it out of the way, I am not cured and still looking for help, but we'll get there.
It all began on my birthday last year (ironically). Approximately 8 months ago. I noticed some redness on the penis head and foreskin. I thought nothing of it and thought it would go away. It didn't. I scowered the internet for answers and tried everything. I tried changing detergents, soaps/body washes, having my foreskin pulled down (uncircumsized btw) in my breifs, tried boxers (always been a boxer man tbh), the list goes on; i tried being rough with cleaning it, i tried just letting water rinse it off, and drying after urination and showering. Nothing helped...
I finally went to go see Doctor #1. Doctor #1 is a younger doctor, maybe 30 years old, but well versed in the field as he's overseen by a doctor with 25+ years of experience. I trusted him. I never showed him my piece but explicitely explained what it looked like. He prescribed me Viaderm KC cream.
*** Before I continue, all i ever had was a rash/redness all over the penis head and foreskin. It wasn't it's usually skin colour (foreskin) and purple colour (penis head). No itchiness, no nothing. I did have a sexual interaction and forgot that I was cutting onions beforehand and not washing my hands but that's irrelevant ***
Viaderm KC Cream. It worked wonders. It made my penis look back to normal if not better. It was amazing, I thought this miracle cream would fix my issues forever. Given that this was a few months ago, I forget exactly how often i used it, but lets say once every 2-3 days, whenever I had flare-ups. Note: back then and even now, ANY TYPE OF FRICTION, pisses off me penis and it goes straight to red. Even getting a boner in the morning (without touching it) causes it go to really red. Obviously, I'm talking about masterbation and sex included.
The viaderm CREAM eventually ran out. I used about 30ml in a month or two and the problem still wasn't resolved. It was at this time i learned that it's a steroidal cream... I went back to the doctor and essentially asked if he could give me more, but in ointment form so it "lasts" or "holds" onto my penis longer. He understood my concerns and prescribed it. From that moment (again, months ago), I've only used it maybe 5 times in very desperate times where it seemed like my penis is just getting worse.
Enter Doctor #2. Around winter break of last year, I realized this cream isn't solving the issue, but just covering up the symptoms. I went to another doctor. Doctor #2 had over 35 years if not 40 of experience of being a family practioner. He has seen some shit. I figured not to hide anything/be straight up with him and actually showed him photos of my penis (note: I can link them with exactly when it looked like this, and why it looked like this). His eyes lit up and I didn't know why. He noticed red patches near the base of the penis head (still on the penis head) and I was confused. It turns out he had the same thing for years and years; and it wasn't balantitis..., it was genital psoraisis. I never googled photos of it until yesterday, the various of photos from what I saw on google to my penis, is quite different. But yet again, I believed him. Keep in mind my penis was the worst it ever has been, so I wanted to try anything. He prescribed me Protopic. I heard about this cream before and was wishing i could get a prescription because it sounded like it would solve all my problems. Then Doctor #2 fell into my laps somehow and truthfully I think I shed a tear because i had a doctor who had the same thing as me, looking out for me, helping me, and finally curing me.
The first 10 days of Protopic was brutal. Each day it looked different. Each day it looked weirder and weirder (worse before it got better). There was even a point where I would retract the foreskin and I have blisters on it that were bleeding..... I wanted to cry but ironically they went away a day after.
I used protopic for a few weeks, twice a week (Mon, Thu) specifically and it worked for the first few weeks. My penis wasn't entirely back to normal but the irritation and inflammation went away. Ocassionally, let's say every other week, it wouldn't really do anything. It just had no effect. I still had sex and would kinda hide my penis as much as possible because i was embarrased of girlfriend noticing it looked slightly different. When I was prescribed Protopic, I told her most of the details but brushing it off as if it was a cream that "turns my penis back to normal after sex bc it gets EVER SO SLIGHTLY red". That was a lie obviously, it was red maybe 50% of the time on protopic, especially after sexy time.
Fast forward to now. Protopic just doesn't work anymore. I tried different things like applying it a day before sexy time, day of, even after sexy time, (running my own trials) and it doesn't help at all. It sucks because it did at the beginning. The reason i'm writing this is because I really thought i would just apply this cream twice a week for the rest of life so my dick works. But here we are.
------------------ BREAK TIME, go get a snack, take a break, i warned you it's a long one ------------------
Or maybe hop on the computer to write me a lengthly response, Really looking for any help (as everyone on this subreddit)
Thank you for staying with me this entire time. I can assure you we're almost done here. Back to protopic not working. I reached out to Doctor #1's BOSS and explained to him that I've been using both creams for months and no results; maybe antibiotics is the way to go? I can't tell you the name right now but their basically antifungal or antibacterial ones used for STI's (I've only had sex with 4 woman in my life, 2 one night stands, and 2 long long long term relationships. It's 2000% confirmed it's not the woman's fault or causing it. In my mind, antibiotics would teach my body how to reach to this problem and fix it for life. I had an issue with my toe once and antibiotics for 2 weeks solved it, no problems every since. The antibiotics for the toe was 6 months prior to my mystery balantitis condition. Nonetheless, Doctor #1's BOSS shut me down faster than ever insinuating that I'm stupid and need to go see a dermatologist. And now we get to the present moment. I think I have no other choice. I am strongly against getting circumsized and to be honest I don't it would solve the issue. The issue is definitely fungal and not bacterial (I work in construction, shower every day, and maintain proper hygiene). Which brings me to diet, is there a possibility that coincidentally on my birthday my body just flipped a switch and caused these problems because of what i eat? I'm not a stupid person, I know that diet plays a part, and to be honest with you, I don't have the best diet
I'm constantly stressed, living paycheque to paycheque trying to convince my girlfriend that I can support both of us without a sweat. That is obviously not true. I started explaining to her more about my financial situation and luckily she understands so she's a keeper. I have my own car (mid sized SUV), i pay my own insurance, i pay my own gas, i pay my own rent (in canada so you know it's expensive here), i pay for everything by myself. I make decent money, enough to support myself, but sometimes I would rather buy myself a cool tool instead of groceries for the week which sucks, but I don't know why I'm like this and I can't change. On top of that, because of this stress, i vape constantly and drink heavily. You'd be surprised... I can drink 14 beers (500ml) and get up at noon, or 9x 500ml beers and still get up at 7am to be at the job for 8am. In retrospect it's a terrible diet and beers or alcohol contain...... you guessed it..... YEAST..... guess what feeds fungals...... YEAST. I know that drinking DEFINITELY doesn't help my situation but i am not convinced that it is the root cause of my problem. I drink heavily now because of this problem, but when it first started, I was only drinking on weekends. Riddle me that one.
In conclusion, I've had this close to a year and saw many professionals regarding this. Still no answer. I can bang the Mrs sure, no issues doing the act, but self confidence has plummeted, hard. I'm afraid it's gonna start affecting my relationship because in all honesty I want to marry this woman.
Any advice or help is much appreciated. Looking forward to your responses
EDIT: I will upload a gallery of photos in the next few days.
Is it genital psoraisis? I don't think so.
Balanoposthitis? Most likely, in my opinion (a 2-in-1)

I have a Bible that is a women's study Bible. The only writing that is in it is from when my parents gave it to me a few years ago. I have recently been trying to read the Bible everyday but find it hard to study and read if I can't highlight. I have highlighters but I am afraid to highlight in it or write in it (there are no margains but I have learned about symbols or abbreviations I can use).
I just feel like it's wrong to highlight in a Bible even though I know a lot of others in my Bible study group who do. I don't know, it makes me feel like I'm vandalizing it but I really really think it would help me remember verses and understand the word more. I'd like to color code using my highlighters as that is how my neurodivergent brain works.
Please let me know. I guess I'm just worried it's something God wouldn't approve of but idk.

Hello, I apologize for this type of discussion and vent, but I need to let this be known. I am not an advisor Reddit user, nor a “ex Jehovahs witness” and( I hope I never will be). For some context I am young and not really happy about being part of the ministry, however my mother grew me up in the congregation and I find myself different from all the other kids in it. My mother is extremely hard working and an immigrant she met jehovas witnesses when she was younger and they helped her to see the “truth” in all honestly my mother was young and struggling in a new country and seeing someone that helped her influenced her greatly. When my mother tells me her experience it truly is heartwarming. My mother also went through a lot of health problems and she would pray to Jehovah as He truly gave her hope, if that’s what my mother needs Id want her to further develop that relationship with him, I only want the best for my mother. She is honestly not like any Jehovah’s Witness in the ministry, she’s outspoken and she lets me honestly do what I want, she understands what it’s like to be young and so she lets me celebrate birthdays and holidays despite the ministry. My mother has been studying before I was born, I’d say around 20 years more or less. Today immigration called her to testify, I’m assuming she needs proof of religion or something like that( I was hoping someone could better explain this aspect to me) she was on a phone call with her bible teacher and she started to yell and cry, I’m assuming it’s regarding immigration and the people of the ministry showing proof, (again I was hoping someone understood this topic more for me.) The Bible teacher told her that she was not improving and that she didn’t go to any meetings, for some context my father is mentally ill and my mother is still experiencing some parts of her physical illness, my fathers mental illness pushes out verbal abuse toward me and my mother he’s probably bipolar, (he takes a lot of meds, he used to come with my mother but he took up smoking and was to ashamed to come and his mental illness progressed) anyway, my mother has to deal with him and she’s the strongest woman alive yet he takes away all parts of my mothers happiness, she only has hope when she attends meetings but because of Covid we all stayed online, me and my mother rarely go in person and often stay online, that is not to say we don’t attend because you wouldn’t understand just HOW MANY excuses I came up with not to. My Mothers bible teacher said that she wasn’t improving and didn’t go to meetings which absolutely broke my mother down, she cried and talked about our living situation, financial situation and my fathers mental illness and physical deterioration which leads to verbal abuse and him refusing to work for months. My mothers jobs are uncertain as well, she faces unemployment and had 3 jobs up until recently, she works everyday and at home she cooks so much for me and my father and does all the chores. My father drains her mentally and the world does so physically. She works so absolutely hard and those words from her bible teacher destroyed her. But regarding immigration she told my mother that they couldn’t do it and then when my mother broke down her teacher was like “when my husband comes home I’ll see what we can do we can do it” “we can do it” that’s what broke my mother again, if the teacher had said she couldn’t of done anything regarding immigration she would of been fine and if she did it would of been fine too, yet she was getting degraded by her teacher, who says “everyone’s situation is different” yet had not understood my mothers. My mother went on about how the teacher never informs her anything and never truly cared at all for her (the teacher knew about my mother and I’s situation very well) of course it wasn’t really the teachers fault yet my mother felt wronged about what she preached. My mother said when a brother or some pastor or something visited her last year she cried, she cried for a few days realizing that someone was worried for her and cared about her yet her bible teacher did not. When she asked about something regarding immigration her teacher told her that she didn’t come to the meetings, my mother told her that she works really hard and she does attend online she regularly participates and preaches and does work for the congregation and said that her bible teacher never worries for her and only worried that she is not in meetings. It was just a slap in the face for my working immigrant mother. When my fathers illness was bad they didn’t allow my mother to leave him and always told her she should do this or do that, they never truly understood her she would love to go to meetings every time she can and I would encourage her too because I see that Jehovah truly makes her happy, she told a sister that she can’t do what she truly wants because out situation is nothing like the others, the sisters husbands are all part of the ministry and not mentally ill( for the most part LOL)
I just want to know the relation between immigration and JW because I know nothing about it and how to comfort my mother.

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Discover the Depths of Love in 1 John 4:19: Why We Love Because He First Loved Us

Welcome to a journey through one of the most heartwarming verses in the Bible, 1 John 4:19. This simple yet profound statement, “We love because he first loved us,” offers a treasure trove of wisdom and comfort. If you’ve ever wondered about the source of genuine love or how to deepen your love for others, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive into the beauty and depth of this verse together, uncovering its meaning and how it can transform our lives today.

Unpacking the Power of 1 John 4:19

At first glance, 1 John 4:19 may seem like a straightforward declaration. However, it holds limitless depths of insight on the nature of love. It teaches us that the love we have for one another stems from a primary source—the unconditional love of God. Understanding and accepting God’s love for us is the key to unlocking our ability to love truly and selflessly. But what does it mean to love because He first loved us? Let’s explore together.

The Origins of Love

The Bible is filled with examples and teachings that highlight God’s profound love for humanity. From the creation of the world to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross, every action taken by God has been motivated by love. Recognizing this fundamental truth helps us grasp the essence of 1 John 4:19. Love doesn’t start with us; it begins with God. Our ability to love is a reflection of the divine love that was shown to us first.

Embracing and Reflecting God’s Love

Understanding that God loved us first challenges us to respond in kind. This response isn’t limited to feeling affectionate but extends to demonstrating love through our actions and decisions. Embracing God’s love means living out love in our relationships, showing grace, forgiveness, and compassion as He does. By reflecting God’s love, we become beacons of light and love in a world that desperately needs it.

How to Cultivate Love in Your Life

• Accept God’s Love: Spend time in prayer and meditation, seeking to understand and accept the depth of God’s love for you.
• Show Love Through Actions: Look for practical ways to express your love to others, whether through acts of kindness, words of encouragement, or simply being present.
• Nurture Your Relationships: Invest time and effort into your relationships, aiming to build them on the foundation of God’s love.
• Seek Guidance in Scripture: Regularly turn to the Bible, including passages like 1 John 4:19, to remind yourself of the source of all love.

A Call to Love More Deeply

As we wrap up our exploration of 1 John 4:19, let it be a reminder that our capacity to love is anchored in something—or someone—much greater than ourselves. The love that we share with others is a gift, mirrored from the love God has for us. In a world where love can sometimes feel scarce or conditional, know that the eternal wellspring of God’s love is always full and flowing.
So, let us love not just with words, but in truth and action, inspired by the everlasting love God has for us. Let’s make the choice to love deeply, fully, and unconditionally, just as He first loved us.

Ready to Dive Deeper into God’s Love?

Reflect on the transformative power of God’s love in your life and how it impacts your relationships with others. Are you ready to step into a more profound understanding and expression of love? Start by embracing the truth of 1 John 4:19 in your heart, and let it guide your path forward. Share your experiences, thoughts, or questions about living out this powerful verse in your daily life. Let’s encourage one another to love more deeply, just as He loved us first!
If you want to want to research more Bible Answers on your own, please try our Bible Answers GPT. It’s easy to get lost in the interesting responses you’ll find… every search is like a new treasure hunt 🙂
Source =

Show bible - The children’s deadly escape room.
As many children are kidnapped in a science museum from a 'failed' experiment, they don’t know where they are. All they know is that they were at a birthday party then they were dragged through a portal.
This story takes place in multiple episodes around the world. Some rooms take one child back in time to a horrible place.This place has a sinister,creepy but joke-like environment. At some places there may be dark humour,mainly near-death moments.
The theme is a dangerous environment and quick mental solving as it is a deadly escape room.
A few main characters are:
Heather Colldun - She is a joyful but smart person. She is a true asset to the team. She wears a purple top and a blue skirt. She likes big problems.
Aledime Slayer - A mean and sarcastic girl. Not everyone likes her. Her only friend is Violet Westre. She wears a green top with black trousers. She likes bullying.
Violet Westre - The actual leader of the escape rooms. A shy but very logical girl. A good liar. She wears a turquoise shirt and yellow skirt. She likes poems.
Lucas Tredness - A sports person. He comes in handy when a long run is needed. He wears a red tracksuit. He likes sports.
Lucy Extrel - A character with cancer who has daily medicine provided by the escape room who is friends with every kind person. She likes to wear a wig but everyone accepts her for not having hair. She wears a Green top with a lilac skirt. She likes art.
Season 1
The children (30 or 31) don’t know where they are. They have multiple of the same clothes to wear everyday they stay in the escape rooms. They are well-fed and have bunk beds to sleep on. The escape rooms have an uneasy feel to them. The children feel like they’re being watched (by the viewer) but the children don’t know they’re being watched.
Episode summary
Ep.1 Jump It!
The first episode/challenge of the show. The children are unsuspecting that it is dangerous until one kid dies by drowning. The children soon realise that it is truly serious. The escape room consists of a tube underwater that has a 5-number lock on it. Violet was the key for the escape this time.
Ep.2 Dangerous Dodgeball
In this episode some is revealed. Where is it set? How do they get their infinite food? This episode is set in a giant glass hall where the remaining kids play dodgeball. One character breaks the rules and finds a hidden room. This shows that it is set everywhere on the globe and the food supply is infinite.
Ep.3 Footie Football
In this episode, the kids play a game of murderous football where if the children cheat, they die. Creating a fair game of football. The losing team dies. Half of the children who are dead get replaced by sleeping children.
Ep.4 Malicious Mazes
Red - Instant death Yellow - 1 question
Purple - 2 questions Green - safe
Once a red tile is touched (or killed someone) then it is inactive so it can only kill one person. They can only move left, back, forward and right. It takes a long time to complete. Each question is a multiple choice.
Ep.5 Realistic Rodeo
In this episode, all the remaining and alive kids come to real life and face a problem in a school. It takes place at night at a high school where security guards will shoot anyone on sight, it is possible to lose them but it takes a while.
Ep.7 Assastionation Allowance
In this episode, the remaining children have to kill a target
For example: Violet Westre has a target on Aledime Slayer meanwhile Aledime has a target on Violet Westre. At this point only a few kids remain. The children seem to have had a target on their friends.
Possibly more. I'm not sure about more ideas.
The final episode - Freedom Fighters
In this episode the kids find the leader's base and battle's Violet and her guards. The episode ends with one of the kids getting out of a guard outfit and stabbing Violet with a dart from a dartboard from one of the rooms.
For example, it could be like:
Violet: Ha! I still HAVE a guard.
Heather: Don't be too sure, Violet Westre.
Violet: What do you mean? I have control of all the rules.
New shy kid: Well today, The rules are DIFFERENT!
He Stabs Violet.
Violet: Gah! Fine! I'll tell you about the room's origins! Okay? You *CENSOR*. So, there was one reason these exist. I made it... ah... to strengthen your abilities...
Heather: You killed SO many people!

I had a dream where there was a giant book and it flipped through numerous pages. Suddenly my name was written out with a felt ink pen, in cursive. The book was very quickly shut and a new name was written on the front cover of the book. That new name was then stamped with a red seal. I then heard a voice that said “remember this name, it will be your code.” I’ve remembered it but not going to share it here in case I actually need it for future or something lol. This was an extremely vivid dream. What the heck could it mean? It reminds me of a Bible verse that says God will give you a new name. What are your thoughts on interpreting this?

I posted a while back about sunday's biblical motifs, but now that the new trailblaze quest has come out, there's EVEN MORE to talk about
I'm writing this a couple days after finishing the quest so I don't remember anything but:
let's talk about the obvious, which is that during his boss fight he talks about the days on which ena established order, which aligns with the days the God created the universe. The contents of course are different, but the whole days of the week corresponding to creation is there
also, to kind of reiterate what I had said before, the day of rest is Sunday, and of course our beloved Mr. Chicken Wing is named after that day, emphasizing his beliefs and ideologies about how his desired paradise should be. Maybe the Dreammaster Gopher Wood predicted this being the path he would take and named him that?
then, there's the names of the attacks "the past, present, and eternal show" can perform. Many of the moves are named after lyrics in silent night, such as "all is bright" and "all is calm," reflecting again what he envisions for paradise. oh and the fact that the boss is called "the past, present, and eternal show" even though the three enemies are the past, present, and future (not eternity), is quite fitting too
If I missed anything (I'm sure I DEFINITELY did) please let me know! I'm living off of Sunday lore crumbs since there aren't any gameplay leaks
edit: my wifi was acting up and didn't say this was posted so I wrote another post, which is when I realized this:
In the credits of I think both the fake and real ending, it states "Gopher Wood as 'Dreammaster'" but then also "'Dreammaster' as 'Sunday's Servant'" or something along the lines of that. I'm not sure if this means that Sunday was the true mastermind and puppeteered the DreammasteWood, or that maybe "Sunday's Servant" refers to him acting as Sunday's eyes and ears, listening in on conversations as the bird.
ALSO his boss fight has a move called "im anfang war das wort," which is German for "In the beginning was the word." It's the first verse of John 1 Chapter 1 in the New Testament of the Bible. The following excerpt talks about the Word of God: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
YET ANOTHER EDIT (FAUSTIAN THEMES?!):
I did some more digging, and Sunday's boss has another move, which is "Im Anfang war die tat," or "in the beginning was the act". This is from Goethe's Faust, in which the titular character is dissatisfied with the translation of "im anfang war das wort" (according to https://www.jstor.org/stable/289357), struggling with coming up with an alternate word. In the end, he decides on "im anfang war die tat," rejecting alternatives like "war die sinn" (meaning mind or reason) and "war die kraft" (meaning power).
We participate in an act during the trailblaze mission, befitting of that translation. Furthermore, "sinn" would be more fitting for the Aeon of Erudition, and "kraft" more fitting for aeons such as Lan and Nanook than for Ena the Order.
I'd also like to bring up that on the Wikipedia page, it defines the adjective faustian as "imply sacrificing spiritual values for power, knowledge, or material gain and / or making a risky bargain with seemingly good intentions that goes terribly wrong." I think Sunday's actions align with the second definition--making a risky bargain with seemingly good intentions that goes terribly wrong. I think we all know how this relates to Sunday's plan. He, with good intentions, wanted to create a paradise for everyone, one that people wouldn't realize was a dream (since his goal couldn't be accomplished in the real world), making himself the trade-off. But, since the dream isn't a voluntary one and no one agreed to it, it goes terribly wrong for him as our main cast wakes up and defeats him.
GUYS ANOTHER EDIT I'M ACTUALLY GOING INSANE REVIEWING BOSS FIGHT FOOTAGE
When he recovers from break, the action is called "im anfang war die kraft" so I'm gonna bet that there's another one titled "im anfang war die sinn"
Ok another edit: Faust "follows the heroic journey of Dr. Faust who is tempted by Mephistopheles after Mephistopheles makes a bet with The Lord to prove humanity does not always choose good."
That is basically the thought process of Sunday and his turn to the Order--he believes that the Harmony is not enough, that mere goodwill (which he thinks only some individuals have) isn't enough to ensure peace and stability, and to protect the weak from being trampled on. Harmony's reign doesn't change the nature of the universe that is survival of the fittest, whereas in theory Ena's would.