Hi, I am 20 and I am a college student who just recently got out of academic suspension. I am currently going for an Engineering degree because it leads to the most opportunities and highest pay. I like the idea of working on Technology and Machinery. I want to know how stuff like computers and robots works. One time, I even built my own gaming PC.
I'm currently taking classes at my local CC in hopes of getting transferred into university. The problem is I have failed even some of the basic general ed classes. I got a D in college algebra for the first time, and I had to retake it. Luckily, I have started working hard the second time around and got an A. Now, in my defense, I felt that the general ed classes were boring and unnecessary. I was also "gifted" when it came to math, and I did not really have to study for it until I College Algebra and now I must study for it. However, because I am behind in some credits. I still got 2 full years (4 12-credits semester) before transferring, so I could totally make an academic comeback.
Looking back, it would have been better just to take a gap year, but I got a scholarship that required me to start college right after high school and I have felt ready for college (I did not know any of the hardship I will have to endure). Now, I have ended up losing that scholarship and I got suspended for a semester. Luckily, things are looking up to me. I have talked to an advisor recently and we have made a plan. Things had gotten better and more stable. The hardship we have endured is over. I have enrolled in a summer class. Once I finish that class, I should start receiving financial aid for the upcoming fall semester and hopefully re-enroll as a full-time student.
My dream is to transfer to the University of Florida. I have heard it is easier to transfer into UF after already completing an AA degree at a CC and I would not have gotten in if I had applied right after high school. I do live in Florida, and I have heard it is easier for Florida residents to get in, but I am not going to Sante Fe College. I feel like I already ruined my chance by letting things get this bad. I do want to complete my AA degree and I do want to try to transfer into UF, but I am strongly considering a Plan B.
I'm also the creative type. I like making art and music. I like building and creating stuff. But I have heard people with these majors struggle financially after college. I am not trying to become rich, but I at least want to be well off after college and I came from a low-income family. I want a good salary after I graduate but I also want a good WLB, but it seems like I will have to pick one or the other.
Honestly, what should I do? Can you tell me without any biases what you genuinely think is best for my future? Should I keep pursuing my Engineering degree? If so, what kind of Engineering should I go for? Right now, I am just completing a general AA engineering degree, but I will have to eventually decide exactly what kind of engineering I want to do. If I should not do Engineering, then what should I change my major to? Should I even stay in college? If not, what should I do instead?

I’m currently 28, single, moved back in with my parents, and as of last Friday, fired from a job I spent ~8 months searching for.
A year ago, I was living with college friends across the country, and my life, while being held up on the least sturdy legs possible, was still a “life”.
Fast forward almost a year and I am home and a shell of myself, and I don’t really care to see the next day (but I also do, because my parents and siblings care about me and I know if I were to un@l1ve, my student debt would become their burden so I have to stay here for the interim).
Breaking down my areas of failure:
Love Life 4 years ago, I went on a Tinder date & was drugged and then raped by a guy whose name I can’t even recall. Since then, intimacy is an issue for me, and I have found that with the current dating culture, if I don’t put out by date two or three I don’t make it any further with prospective guys- if they can find a girl that doesn’t need extra time to get comfortable/have that baggage, I don’t blame them. It just leaves me in an unfortunate position.
On top of that, though I am skinny/fit, I am covered from the waist down in stretch marks, like absolutely covered in a way you’d think I had been obese once & lost weight. Nope, just shit genetics.
I also have periodontal disease due to not taking the best care of myself during a very long depressive episode, which feels ironic since people always say my smile is one of my best features. This leads me into-
Mental Health I have atypical depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia…and maybe bi-polar, that one isn’t diagnosed, but I’ve clocked some pretty extreme mood swings. I’m also severely avoidant at times, allowing months to pass before I finally am able to respond to people- I don’t know why, its like some invisible wall/pressure that grows by the day until i’m finally able to overcome it.
Ironically, the people I date don’t even stick around long enough to learn these things (they always dip out once sex isn’t immediately/easily attainable).
I also definitely overcompensate, and likely come off desperate or ingenious when I’m just scared to lose any new friends or potential love interests.
Education I have my associates degree, but not my bachelors. I’m about 7 classes away and too anxious to complete whats left online given how much time has passed, I used to be a star student and now the thought of an essay makes me freeze up. Now I am old and with the current job market, well below my peers of similar age.
Career I am very good at what I do (chef) but so far things have not been going to plan. I interviewed for two A List celebrity private chef roles and didn’t get either. I feel stupid and small and worthless. My parents were so excited both times and both times I had to come home and then share the news with them once I heard back later in the week. They believe in me and I keep letting them down. I wish I could afford my own place so I could deal with my failures in peace and not have loved ones have to experience the let down as well.
Friends I left the majority of my friends back in the state I moved away from, so now I’m home and living in the suburbs with my parents- so very few people my age, and most that are here are married/have kids/etc so it can be a little painful going grocery shopping and seeing what could have been if I was better. I’m trying to be better but its not working. I have one good friend in this entire state now, after being gone for school/work so long, and its very isolating and humbling. I’m grateful for her, but she’s also newly married so she tends to gravitate towards activities w/ her married friends which is failogical.

I feel like this is it for me, after being fired. I’m rock bottom and I don’t know how or if I can climb back up from here.

https://reddit.com/link/1d8iflu/video/0ec3tkmiwo4d1/player

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Like every other RE FAN, I was greatly disappointed in Welcome to Raccoon city, it could have been a fantastic resident evil reboot film, but it wasn't. But I'm Not gonna elaborate more because it's all pretty much been said already.
I decided to just put out a fun little story for how I would start a reboot and do my own resident evil trilogy.
Film 1, Part 1: RE 0 & 1
We open with a 11 year old boy, Chris Redfeild, walking in the rain, he walks past rows of graves in this cemetery, he walks all the way until he comes across a small statured girl. She holds a bright red umbrella above herself, “what are you doing here Claire” Chris says. Claire responds, saying she was just visiting mom and dad, Chris tells her that Mr and Mrs Walker were panicking back at home. Claire just gives Chris a look of sadness, Chris embraces his sister, and they mourn their parents. They both hear a scream, Chris tells Claire to stay there, Chris walks towards where the scream came from, and he spots a woman. Dead, but in her neck are puncture marks…in the shape of human teeth.
CUT TO BLACK
A montage of newspaper clippings go by as the opening credits roll, each newspaper clipping being bits and pieces of resident evil lore. Stuff like “Orphan brother and sister escape car crash” “Walker Family Adopt boy and girl” “Umbrella Police Scholarship” “Claire Elza Walker: All star biker” “S.T.A.R.S: Rise of The Super Cops” etc…
10 YEARS LATER, 1998
Chris wakes up in his bed, alone, next to him is a note. “sorry babe, got called in while you were asleep, see you tonight, love you~Jill” Chris lets out a long Sigh, he gets up and prepares a small breakfast for himself. He turns on his television as he eats, the morning news claims A 15th victim has been found, they discuss the fact that all of this madness occurred in the span of 2 months. Chris calls his sister Claire, she doesn't pick up. Chris leaves a voicemail to her.
NEXT SCENE
Jill Valentine, a police officer and member of the elite Police Team, S.T.A.R.S She walks the halls of the RPD, equipped in her uniform and gear. As she heads through the department, she passes by a good looking rookie cop working at the front desk. She eventually makes it to where she was heading, the S.T.A.R.S office, residing in the office are Bravo team and Alpha Team. Barry welcomes Jill with a warm hug, Wesker walks up behind her, and she salutes him as their captain. They all discuss how the murders have been getting much worse, especially with the description of what the 15th victim looked like when they found him. Brad mentions how chief irons is not letting them onto the case for whatever reason. Barry tries to defend it, saying that maybe he doesn't want to lose his top officers. Wesker objects against what Barry said, and tells everyone that the chief probably has something to do with it. Rebecca objects against Wesker, and he doesn't try to respond.
NEXT SCENE
We cut to a train riding through the Arklay mountains and Forrest, A man with a long black mullet sits alone in his seat, he stares at a photo of him, Chris, and Claire, in front of the umbrella corporation. It's Billy coen. A woman with a trolly cart passes by and asks him if he would like anything, Billy orders a basic water. He notices that the woman's eye is bleeding, he gestures to her about it, and she heads straight to the bathroom nearby. Billy turns to look back out the window, brushing off what he just saw.
NEXT SCENE
Chris is walking through Raccoon city, Wearing his “Made in Heaven” brown Leather Jacket. He visits the RPD with a bag of food, he walks up to the front desk, and he tells the young cop at the desk that he is there to bring food to Ms Valentine. Jill heads down with Barry, Brad, and Rebecca at her side. Chris delivers them all their sandwich orders, Jill's food box says “The Jill Sandwich” Barry and they all laugh at her, saying that it should be a real thing. Jill gives Chris a long kiss, and Rebecca looks at them adorably. Wesker walks downstairs and greets Chris, Wesker gives him a firm handshake. Chris gets an odd feeling when being around Wesker. Wesker offers Chris the opportunity to train on the force, telling him that he could probably be a member of S.T.A.R.S one day, Jill smiles at Chris about that opportunity. Barry agrees with Wesker. Chris says that he is fine with where he is at, jokingly saying he doesn't wanna steal Jill's thunder.
NEXT SCENE
Chris sits back in his apartment, the news is talking about how umbrella is beginning a secret project with the military. After the news report, we see an advertisement for the various nationwide umbrella pharmacies. Chris ignores the advertisements as he heads to the fridge to grab a beer. The phone rings, Chris answers, “Chris, hey! It's Billy”, Chris is speechless.
NEXT SCENE
Chris walks towards the raccoon city pond at 10 PM, he sits at a bench, he has a flashback to when he was a kid, a month after his parents died. Chris was sitting in that sane bench, alone, until some drunk guys from his highschool came up to him and tried to push him, he ignores them and they just leave him be, then they see a kid sitting under a tree, reading a book on Greek mythology, with the dog Cerberus on the cover. They proceed to give the kid a hard time, and it's Billy, they try to steal Billy's stuff, Chris comes up to them and proceeds to kick their behinds to kingdom come. Chris helps Billy up, they introduce themselves, and they become friends, they sit on the bench together and then we cut to the present, Chris is sitting alone again. He looks at a duplicate of the same photo that Billy had, he hears the voice of a girl screaming “HELP!” Chris immediately runs towards where the scream is coming from. He pulls out a combat knife from the holster of his boot. He finds a girl, her face is turned away from completely, but her backside appears covered in blood, Chris tries to get a good look at her, but she refuses, it's only until she collapses suddenly that Chris gets a look at her. Her face…it's been half eaten off.
NEXT SCENE
30 minutes later, the police arrive at the park, Chief Irons is there too, they question Chris about everything, Chris answers all the questions he can. He tells them how he got called to meet up at this park by an old friend of his, the Chief gives him a look of suspicion, then when the reporters come along, irins immediately put on his TV face, with a performance that would make Broadway actors blush. The police tell Chris that he is free to go, a reporter catches him as he is leaving, asking him what happened. Chris responds saying “I don't know, why don't you ask the chief”.
NEXT SCENE
Chris enters his apartment, washing off the blood of the woman he had held in his arms. There is a knock at his door, it's Rebecca Chambers, she tells Chris that she heard the report about what happened in the park. Rebecca comes to ask for Chris's honest words, not as a cop, but as a friend. Chris tells her everything that happened, and she is in shock. Afterwards, Chris's phone says that he received 1 new message an hour ago, it was while he was waiting for her at the park. It's Billy, he's panicking in the message “Chris! Don't go to the park! I won't make it! Please, call the police, come find me, I'm in a train, we crashed in the middle of Arklay! Hurry please!”
NEXT SCENE
Chris and Rebecca drive out to Arklay, Rebecca says that she called in the bravo team. Until they arrive, they should look for the train that Billy was talking about. They walk through the Forest, they spot a torn off part of the train here, a small fire spot there, and then finally, a huge claw mark in a tree, right next to a fresh pool of blood. Chris and Rebecca examine it, then they hear growling behind them, but not normal growling. They turn, and they see a dog behind them, savage white eyes, bloody drool, and chunks of its body are gone, exposing its meat and bone. The dog leaps at Rebecca, and Chris immediately kicks it away, Rebecca pulls her gun and shoots it. It appears dead, and then gets back up 30 seconds later. They are in complete shock, they question how it's not dead, and they continue to try and kill it, it doesn't go down…until a second gunshot hits the dog directly in the skull, and its head blows completely. “Chris…? Is that you?” “Billy!?” “Is that your friend Chris?” Chris and Billy embrace, Billy has one half of a pair of handcuffs wrapped around his wrist, it's covered in blood.
NEXT SCENE
Jill gets called off work, she finally shows up back home to her and Chris's apartment. “Babe! I'm home! Are you here?” Jill walks around, looking for him. She tries to call friends, asking them if they have seen Chris, they haven't. Jill eventually finds a note on the table, it's a note from Chris. He is telling her in the letter that he went to meet up with his best friend Billy, saying that he came back to town. Jill lets out a sigh of relief, and she heads to the bathroom to take a shower.
NEXT SCENE
Billy tells Chris and Rebecca what had happened, there was this trolley woman who delivered him a beverage, he noticed that her eye was bleeding, and she headed for the bathroom. A few hours later he called Chris, telling him that he was almost gonna be off the train, he told Chris that he wanted to meet up at the park where they hung out. But moments after he called, he heard a loud groan of pain coming from the same bathroom that the woman went into, Billy questions “has she been in there the whole time?”. Billy knocks on the door, he asks her if she is ok, then he hears a responding knock on the other side of the door. Then the knocking repeats, and gets more intense, more violent, and more intense. Until finally, the train employees come and break the door down. They just unleashed hell. The woman had become a nearly unkillable zombie, she bites the first guy, then the second guy, then the third, and it just expands and spreads, as death and decay happened over the course of 2 hours, to where they are now. Billy said that he got handcuffed to a door as bait for the monsters, it was by some crazy selfish man. He got eaten when he tried to run..Billy said he got out when he found a gun in a security officer's pocket, he struggled to grab it, but he eventually did, he shot off the lock of the cuffs.
NEXT SCENE
Chris, Billy, and Rebecca proceed to investigate the train, Billy led them back. The carts are all busted down, the front cart is completely demolished. They hear a loud ominous roar in the distance, Chris says that they should try to avoid whatever in God's name that was, they know it was definitely something bad.
NEXT SCENE
Wesker and Barry are sitting with the alpha team in the STARS office, late at night. Just going over all the reports of the murders, and then going over the recent event that happened at the park, they see that Chris was there. They ask chief irons about it, and irons says that he thinks Mr Redfeild has something to do with them. He is a possible suspect of all the murders. Barry and Wesker don't believe him one bit, and they continue to investigate the crimes. Irons says that the Bravo team left to investigate some kinda train crash.
NEXT SCENE
The three head into the train, they spot various corpses, all in different states of death and decay, each one worse than the next. Rebecca vomits from the sights along with the smell. Chris and Billy discuss what they've been respectively doing during the past 2 years. Chris says that he met and is now dating a babe cop, he tells Billy that Jill is the best girl he's ever had in his life, besides his mother and sister of course. Billy is so happy for his friend. As they continue to see the most grotesque things ever, Billy finally says that he had gotten a promotion to be a top scientist in the umbrella corporation, he worked on a team, the men being named John, William, Marcus, and We—rebecca tells them that the bravo team is almost there. Billy says that he wanted to surprise Chris, he wanted to spend time with his best friend again. He asks about Claire. Chris tells Billy that Claire is currently an all star motorcyclist at her school, she's going by the professional name of Elza Walker(Her full name is Claire Elza Redfeild). After the trip down memory lane is over. Enrico, a member of the Bravo team, finally finds Rebecca and them. The rest of the bravo team follows close behind shortly after.
NEXT SCENE
Barry knocks on the door of Chris and Jill's apartment. Jill answers, Barry asks Jill if she saw Chris, Jill says that he is out with his best friend. Barry hands Jill the report about what happened at the park. She is in speechless shock. She immediately tries to call anyone, and absolutely begs them to be honest “Have. You. Seen. Chris!?”
NEXT SCENE
Chris, Billy, Rebecca, and Bravo team walk to the back end of the train, they encounter…a giant spider. They shoot at it, and it immediately runs away, giving them no time to react. They search for it. They hear crawling from the other side of the walls. They search for a good few minutes, until they hear the pain-filled scream of Enrico, they run to where he was, and they see the spider wrap itself around Enrico's body, biting into his skull. Enrico's body suddenly gets up. He is dead, but his body is still alive, a puppet vessel for the Spider… this…Spider Man runs towards them. Its movements are a mix of a human and a spider. It's incredibly disturbing. They cannot seem to get a clear shot of it, all they can do is run…they lock it into a room. It just claws at the glass, trying to break it, they know it's only a matter of time until it breaks through.
NEXT SCENE
Wesker in his office, receives an anonymous call, the call tells him that a Bravo team is in the Arklay Forest, investigating an event that may have something to do with the crisis of murders. Wesker, seeing this as an opportunity to finally get something done, and put an end to this 2 month long madness, they do not have time to call Barry or Jill. All the remaining STARS operatives get geared up, Brad starts up a chopper and the team proceeds to head for Arklay, they don't tell the Chief.
NEXT SCENE
Everyone in the train continues on, they continue to face various small monsters, they encounter savage Crows flying through windows, baby spiders the size of an average skull hatching from giant eggs. Piles of leeches in the shape of humans, etc. They all finally agree that they have to call in for backup, they need to get out of there and tell the entire city and RPD what had happened. Then they can investigate further.
NEXT SCENE
Alpha Team flies over the forest, Wesker observes the whole area with his binoculars. Until he finally spots the light of the train. Wesker orders them to land.
NEXT SCENE
The crew of the bravo team are running back to the area that they entered from. They run, frantically trying to avoid the various monsters they encounter. They eventually get out, but two unknown members of the bravo team didn't make it out. They don't have time to mourn however, and they try to head back to their vehicles. More dogs appear, and they are chasing them close behind, almost getting them. Chris is the one lagging behind, he trips over a loose branch. A dog leaps at him…until a gunshot hits it straight away from Chris. “This way Chris!” Wesker says. Alpha team showed up in the nick of time, proceeding to slay all of the dogs and monsters coming at them.
NEXT SCENE
“Why would Chris not call me about this?” Barry exclaims he doesn't know either. They proceed to look into things further. They call Wesker, but he doesn't answer. “Amazing, now our oh so great leader is nowhere to answer.”
NEXT SCENE
Everyone in the forest has been brought up to speed on what has happened so far, they don't know where these monsters came from. They need to report back to the RPD, tell the Chief everything, and announce to raccoon city and the world what they saw, but the plan won't be happening. They hear the roars from earlier, they feel rumbling beneath their feet, and forest from the bravo team is stabbed and thrown away into the darkness by a giant claw. It's…a giant man…creature…thing…its heart and chest organs are exposed, it's uglier than sin, it's right hand is bigger than it's left, equipped with a giant claw, and it's twitching uncontrollably(it is the tyrant T-001). It lets out a huge roar. Everyone is paralyzed in fear. They all try to process if this is real, is this all just a dream, is there no human shaped abomination of God in front of them. Wesker is the only one of them all that is not scared one bit, he truly is their brave fearless leader, he earned his STARS. Wesker tells them that they need to run, he shoots the monster directly in its heart, and they run as fast as they can. They head for the chopper, but Brad beats them to it; he proceeds to leave them all as he flies away, screaming and terrified. Wesker yells “Coward” towards brad. The tyrant lets out an even louder roar than ever, and they hear it begin to run, each heavy footstep getting louder and closer. They all run, they don't know where they are going, they're just running. Billy and Chris run closely near each other, Rebecca follows close behind Wesker as he leads them to wherever they are going. They see a bright glow in the distance. They head towards it…The Mansion.
NEXT SCENE
Jill and Barry head back to the STARS office, it's completely empty. They try to see if they left anything behind to indicate where they went. They find nothing, until they hear running coming from outside the door. It's Brad, he barge's into the office, he is frantic, he's panicking, disturbed, and barely clear in his words. Only say “I left them” over and over and over. Jill and Barry try to ask him what happened. Brad finally calms down, and tells them that the alpha and bravo team are in Arklay, that they were with Chris, and his friend Billy. Jill berates Brad about the fact that she abandoned them for dead. Barry restrains her back and calms her down. She tears up and hugs Barry, she is scared that it's too late, that Chris and her friends are dead.
NEXT SCENE
Chris, Wesker, Rebecca, and Richard Eiken made it to the mansion, everyone else is…they don't know. “Billy!? Where's Billy!?” Chris heads for the door. Wesker stops Chris, telling him that they're all probably dead, and that he's sorry. They then suddenly hear a gunshot in the distance, they all hope that the others may have survived, Chris said that he will go and see if he finds anyone, Wesker agrees and says that he will go on his own and look for a way out. Rebecca and Richard agree to stick together and just stay alive.
FINAL SCENE
Chris walks through a dining room, getting closer to where the gunshots came from. He wounds up in a dark quiet hallway. The only thing he hears is the sound of “Sploshing” and groaning. He sees a trail of fresh blood on the floor, it's a trail, Chris immediately follows the trail. And wounds up at a dead end of the hallway…he finds where the blood is coming from. The body of dead STARS member, being devoured by a blood covered pale man shaped creature, it turns its head slowly, revealing its disgusting, blood covered face, with its flesh filled mouth…
THE END…TO BE CONTINUED.
I hope you enjoy the story of this first part. I'm excited to write the next two parts of my film. This first part story was inspired by an excellent video by Score PN, titled "The untold story of Resident evil 0". Here's a tease at what is to come.
Part 2, Film 2: RE 3 & 1.5
Part 3, Film 3: RE 2 & 1

I will be attending a school in upstate NY in August that gave me a generous scholarship as well as a very good financial aid award from fafsa which includes a $3,500 Federal Direct Subsidized Loan and a $2,000 Federal Direct Unsubsidized Loan. after all of this my remaining cost of attendance will be $2,911. I will be living off campus (which is a big reason my coa is so low) and paying $800 per month.
I have been saving for almost a year now and will have $9,000 when moving up there next month. I will be working (hopefully) full time for the month and a half before school starts and then gear down to part time.
Yesterday I received a letter on how to pay the remainder of my balance. I can either A) enroll in a 10 month payment plan that would come out to $291 per month through the school or B) Take out a private student loan.
I am obviously leaning towards option A as no interest will incur and the debt wont follow me around, but am stressed looking at how this will affect my monthly budget on food and day to day things. My mom will not help me with money so this is something I have to figure out and see through on my own (which is incredibly terrifying but equally as empowering).
*few things to note I have three credit cards. two are completely paid off and one has a balance of $4,000 which plan to pay down to $3,000 before I switch to part time work. The minimum payment is $50 but I pay $150 towards this per month to stay ahead of the interest a tad. During the summer months I plan on getting a restaurant job in the Hamptons and saving up for the next year. I know people who have done this in the past and put 10k in savings after vacation season is done.
Any advice on how I should go about paying my remaining balance would be greatly appreciated, but I would also love to hear any tips on how to not go insane thinking about money. I grew up pretty poor and have watched my mom struggle with money and debt my entire life and having lived through the situations that put us in, I am absolutely terrified of being in those circumstances again. Even just thinking about this relatively small amount of money I owe makes my chest tighten up.
Thanks for any input you might have <3

I will be attending a school in upstate NY in August that gave me a generous scholarship as well as a very good financial aid award from fafsa which includes a $3,500 Federal Direct Subsidized Loan and a $2,000 Federal Direct Unsubsidized Loan. after all of this my remaining cost of attendance will be $2,911. I will be living off campus (which is a big reason my coa is so low) and paying $800 per month.
I have been saving for almost a year now and will have $9,000 when moving up there next month. I will be working (hopefully) full time for the month and a half before school starts and then gear down to part time.
Yesterday I received a letter on how to pay the remainder of my balance. I can either A) enroll in a 10 month payment plan that would come out to $291 per month through the school or B) Take out a private student loan.
I am obviously leaning towards option A as no interest will incur and the debt wont follow me around, but am stressed looking at how this will affect my monthly budget on food and day to day things. My mom will not help me with money so this is something I have to figure out and see through on my own (which is incredibly terrifying but equally as empowering).
*few things to note I have three credit cards. two are completely paid off and one has a balance of $4,000 which I plan to pay down to $3,000 before I switch to part time work. The minimum payment is $50 but I pay $150 towards this per month to stay ahead of the interest a tad. During the summer months I plan on getting a restaurant job in the Hamptons and saving up for the next year. I know people who have done this in the past and put 10k in savings after vacation season is done.
Any advice on how I should go about paying my remaining balance would be greatly appreciated, but I would also love to hear any tips on how to not go insane thinking about money. I grew up pretty poor and have watched my mom struggle with money and debt my entire life and having lived through the situations that put us in, I am absolutely terrified of being in those circumstances again. Even just thinking about this relatively small amount of money I owe makes my chest tighten up.
Thanks for any input you might have <3

I've been trying to save for college for three years now. I dropped out after my freshman year because I lost my scholarship and have been trying to get back to school since. I never wanted student loans but recently came to the realization they're inevitable for the degree I want. All be money I tried to save left my bank account one way or another due to family emergencies or me just being stupid. I finally decided to take it seriously this year, and to go to my dream school and get my dream degree I have to take out private loans. My issue is I can't get approved anywhere. My lack of a credit history combined with my unemployment status (i resell things and baby & pet sit for $) makes it impossible to get a loan on my own, and the only person who could cosign is my mom who has terrible credit and already has multiple loans in her name. She hasn't gotten approved for any parent plus loans or as a cosigner on any loans i've applied to so far. There's no one else I can ask to cosign, I don't have a dad or grandparents, no family friends, no cousins, friends, anyone. I feel like im drowning in a kiddy pool because i'm causing my own stress.

After my last game where I finally bothered to build and launch the space ship I opted to start a new game on the blood and dust difficulty and Cassandra as the story teller on vanilla.
My three colonists quickly grew to seven from various events as they dug out their mountain stronghold. Just as I was running out of medicine and food due to the population boom, 4 of my six colonists were hit with a plague. The lack of medicine and food made it difficult to keep up with the disease and it out ran the immunity in the end for one of my colonists, Gonzales.
Gonzales was bonded with the warg my colony started with, which immediately went into a berserk and mortally wounded my two non-ill colonists, Tyna and Lissa. It didn't help that I had just recruited Lissa as she was running from pirates but didn't actually manage to get to my base in time before sustaining injuries and almost being captured again by them. After Teapot finally managed to subdue the crazed warg, he too succumbed to illness, not long before the same happened to Morgan and Diaz (who also had muscle parasites and was the colonies primary doctor and spent most of the plague incapacitated). The only survivor of the plague was sweet Zoya, who was tasked with burying all of her comrades before entering a catatonic state.
And this point, Zoya's brother Cage (the man in black) arrived for support, but was incapable of dumb labor and so forced to hunt what he could for raw food for him and his sister. He couldn't even bury the six dead or move them from where they fell, so there they sat rendering the hollowed out base practically unlivable except for sweet Zoya sleeping like Juliet among the corpses. He also quickly fell into bouts of misery in-between starvation before he was attacked while in a daze by a mad guinea pig. Even after he was downed, and crawling as best as he could toward safety, the mad animal relentless hounded him, killing him with a hundred tiny bites before his sister could even awake and realize he had come.
Shortly after she did indeed stir to find herself alone. She added a new grave and finished burying her long dead compatriots, continuing to fall into dazes, even propping up her rotting brother like a puppet on the otherwise empty dining room table. After awhile she received a message from a prisoner at a camp not far away begging for rescue. Even though she was wary that it was another delusion of loneliness, Zoya packed what little was left at the colony and left to conduct the rescue anyway. En route, her and her horse were intercepted by a lone raider with a machine gun. Still starving and half crazed, Zoya was no match and fell far from home.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/familysuck96
AITAH for snapping my parents after they told me they used what was intended for college to help my brother and his family?
Originally posted to AITAH
Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: ableism, favoritism
Original Post May 28, 2024
Obvious throwaway account.
I was not planning to go straight to college, I wanted to take a year off I saved up some money from work. More or less school, sports, and work is all I have done. I wanted to live a little before I go to college. I told my parents about this two years ago. I assured them I all intentions to go to school just wanted to live for a little before hand. It seems they were cool with it.
Advance about a year and a half I told my parents I was looking to start college next semester this is when they told me that I no longer had any money. They did not think I was going to use it, and my brother's wife was diagnosed with MS and can no longer work so they gave my brother my college fund. It was a sizable amount. My parents did not do put it into a 529 plan, my father created an investment account that was in his name but intended for me. Last I was told total amount was around $224,418. Account has been open for 19 and half years.
I get legally I had no claim to the money since it was in my father's name. I also get I am not entitled to my parents financial assistance with higher education. All that being said I lost it with my parents and told them off and said many hurtful things some I regret some I do not.
My parents have told my family and been getting calls and texts stating how hurtful my comments were and the money my dad gave my brother and his family saved them. My initial reaction is why is that my problem? I get it must suck going from two incomes to one, and having a two child ontop of a wife with MS has is appears to be aggressive. While callous how is that my problem? Why should my future he impacted over someone else's life?
My father is not even willing to cosign a loan with me. I mean I am still going to school, I know you go find ways to make it cheaper go to community college for gen Ed's and stuff the transfer. Many grants and scholarships.
AITAH for more or less telling my family they all ducking suck trying to preserve the future of someone that has no real future. His wife MS has aggressively progressed in the brief time she has had it. Gone from working to needing assistance getting to the bathroom. Sure it may not inherently be a life limting disease, but it sure is a mobility limiting disease and she is only 33 and she is already this bad? Hate to be that person my father made an bad investment. That money is going to get eaten up rather quickly.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Agoraphobe961

Info: did at any point did you or other relatives besides parents contribute to the fund? Your first statement sounds like you did which could give you some leeway for a legal case or at least leverage to get your dad to co-sign.
While you are not “owed” the money, your parents did spend 19 years giving you a verbal contract that you had a college fund

OOP

No I did not add to the account. I lived off the money I saved from working while also doing side hustles for extra cash when needed.

~
petitefunsassy

I don’t understand why they needed the entire amount right away.
I don’t get how you can be close and communicating you will be going to college and they give away the money you were counting on without talking to you about it?
I don’t get how your SIL ms issues aren’t covered by insurance and social security disability.

OOP

Living expenses, it appears getting disability for MS is rather annoying to get. I do not know the extra details but I do know his wife did make good money before, she made more than my brother. They also have kids so yeah I am sure they money helped them a lot.
I do not know the ins and outs of their situation to answer your questions accurately.

When asked if he was living at home and off his parents

I was not no, as mentioned I had some money saved up I lived off that and did side hustles when I need extra cash. I did not live with my parents either shared an apartment with my friends

OOP Updated the post the next day May 29, 2024
Update: Have not read all of the comments, but wanted to clear some things up I have seen. I am going to be 20 in January. I did get accepted to U of Penn I will have to see what options are available for me, if nothing is available I will probably just go the state school route. Thankfully I am going to school for electrical engineering with a focus in power systems. Hopefully means I will not have a hard time finding a job. Reason I took the year off before going to straight into college is because some friends I game with are also engineers and they told me if they had the option they would hold off a year or two before going to college since from that point on it is all a grind. So that is what I did, I told my parents my plan they said they were okay with it and even told me the account was not going anywhere.
It was my mistake to put my trust in my parents. I should have followed the the mindset only person you can count on is yourself. Which is what I am doing going forward. My family does not care about me, and that is fine. I acknowledge what I said was harsh and I could have framed what I said better. Point still stands as others have pointed out. The money is a band aide, they are going to run through it and find themselves in a similar situation down the road. Sure I have options aviabile, but comparing them isn't getting my SIL on Medicaid a much cheaper and more viable option? Insurance could help fund her treatments and assistance she may need for as long as she qualifies.
The money will run out, and what then? I hope for my brother's and his family sake our parents don't just pull the rug from underneath him later down the road. As I have found out their word holds little value.
I also do not believe for a moment everyone saying they would be understanding would be as understanding had this happen to them. It is easy to say from the sidelines but it is hard to be open minded to the situation when you planned around a certain thing being there especially because your parents promised you. You expect your parents to be the ones that will keep a promise with their child.
Does not matter, at this point I know exactly where I stand. My brother not only had his college paid for by our parents, he has got a house from them as a wedding gift. I am unaware if he knew the money he got was my college fund or what but I do not care at this point. I will be fine going forward this is not the end of the world for me. So many people go to school without their parents money I can also do it. This is less about the money and more so the fact they are taking a piss on me and trying to pass it off as rain. I would have been more understanding if they just came to me at told me what they planned to do. I would be pissed but I could respect their honesty. How they went about it was scummy.
To those that are also saying they parents would not sign my loans because of what I said. I asked about the cosigner before I said all those things. At first I was upset but I knew with them cosigning I could still pay for school, and given their financial situation hopefully my rate would be on the lower side. Everything blew up the moment they told me they could not cosign a loan with me. So yeah I doubt that is why they said no.
I will keep reading the comments and will answer some I see throughout the day.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
cgm124

Honestly I would go NC and block them from your life, what did your parents say to you when you called them out?

OOP

Nothing to me, they just checked out. Clearly they had a lot to say to my family though. Given the phone calls and text messages.
I know where I stand with them and yeah I am done with them.

~
heepofsheep

Have you talked to your brother? He basically got both college funds… would he be willing to at least co sign your loans?
If your parents wanted to help that badly why didn’t they take a loan against their 401k?? Hell they could still do that fund your college…. Except of course they’d be sacrificing their wellbeing instead of theirs….

OOP

Part of me wants to I really do but I am also afraid. I want to ask if he knew it was my college fund he was getting. I am afraid of the answer. Doubt I will ask though if I am being honest.
Yeah that is a good question. Overall they probably feel the same way I do. Why should they have to suffer because another person is sick. They just come off as being the good guys in this equation because they offered help. Knowing my parents especially my dad the money was never part of their plans. It was more or less extra money.

Why take a year off after high school

I took a year off because I saved up most of my pay over from 16 to 18. Had I known they were going to give away my college fund if I did not go I would have just gone.
I thought it was best to take a year off now, cause after college I will be spending most of my life working. I had the means, I was using the money I saved nothing from my parents.
I made a plan based on a promise. You are right though if you cannot trust your parents to keep a promise who can you trust.

LAST COMMENTS FROM OOP

I am more so mad that my older brother got his free ride, a house when he got married, and on top got my free ride also. Yeah I came to vent, I also don't buy others wouldn't be upset either. My parents knew my plan, were on board, told me the money would be there when I was ready. Then when you go to collect they tell you it is all gone, and then when you ask if they would he willing to cosign they also say no. Pretty sure most people would be livid in that situation also. Sure maybe they would say what I said but the raw emotion probably would be present in nearly everyone. It is easy to say from the sidelines how they would handle it. Sure I am sure people will say they will handle it with grace. Good for you.
I will be fine, I am still going to school and I will make sure to learn my lesson that I cannot count on my parents to keep their word and I will make sure I never in a position where I am relying on handouts. My parents taught me a great lesson cannot trust anyone but yourself not even family.

When called on talking about someone with MS and what OOP said

So you have never said anything hurtful in the heat of the moment after you had the rug pull from you?

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/No-Taro-7338
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest + relationship_advice + AmItheAsshole
I just found out that my husband of 10 years has never loved me
Previous BoRU #1 posted by u/Big-Experience-3640 + BoRU #2 posted by u/Longjumping-Rub-8611
Trigger Warnings: possible financial abuse, property damage, abuse, emotional abuse, hostile workplace, exploitation, physical violence, major medical issues
Original Post: May 3, 2022
My whole world is crashing right now. I never thought that this could happen to me. I am deeply in love with my husband and I thought he loved me too.
My husband Sam and I met after college at a book club. We fell in love and married a year later right out of college. I honestly though that my life was a dream come true. He was kind and silly and he made me feel loved.
I found out last week that my husband never loved me. I overheard Sam talking to his friend on FT when he thought I couldn't hear. His friend was congratulating Sam on bagging me, because "I'm loaded". That's not true. Though I make a decent living and my parents recently had some success in their business abroad, I don't make nearly enough to be considered wealthy, perhaps upper middle class at best. It's not like I can quit my job tomorrow and be set for life. I'm a financial analyst and make $300K working 70 hours a week. Sam is a customer service advisor for a bank and makes $50K working 35 hours a week.
Edit: Yes, I was in investment banking out of college. Sam has had this job for 4 months. He has a spotty work history due to not getting along with his bosses.
Sam then said that all his planning paid off and he'd live the easy life. His friend added that he couldn't imagine being married to me, waking up to my face. I've never been very attractive, I'm very skinny and have a thin face and a wide nose, but Sam made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Sam just laughed and said "it's easy when you have the mindset." I pretended I didn't hear and went back upstairs and just lied in bed.
I've been sleeping on the couch with the excuse of working late and not disturbing him. Every time, I've woken up in our bed with him cuddling me. I don't feel loved. I feel used. I don't know what to do.
Comments
OOP on if she had a prenup with her husband

We don't have a prenup. I regret it.

OOP on why their earnings are not enough to live comfortable in their area

I know it's far more than most Americans, but it's not enough for someone to lie for 10 years about. He could have found anyone else.
It's definitely not enough to be truly wealthy, just comfortable. If he wanted to bag someone could he have not found someone else? He didn't have to lie to me and say he loved me . It is comfortable. Just not wealthy. When I think of wealthy, I think of people who don't have to work for a living.
I have serious medical conditions that cost a lot of money, partially exacerbated by my work life. I used to work 80-100 hour weeks. Plus, I had been paying off my husband's student loans of $80,000 as well as our mortgage. I do not have student loans because I (thankfully) earned a scholarship.
I grew up in poverty on food stamps and I'm terrified of going back to that life.
Edit: and his credit card debt

OOP responded to multiple redditors telling her to divorce her husband as he was using her

I have honestly resigned myself to a life alone if I do divorce my husband. No one has expressed any interest in me. The only time I was asked out was as a joke.
I had a friend in college who shared my interests and my hobbies and was fun. I was in love with him. I was short and very skinny and he was my height and quite chunky and we had a in group nickname based on that. When our friends would say we looked like a couple he would make gagging noises and say it's disgusting but in a joking way. when I got the courage to ask him out, he laughed himself sick.
Edit: I am unattractive and have serious health conditions. I am statistically unlikely to find another husband. It's alright. I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't love me.

OOP on how she got a job at 19 and earning so much

I graduated at 19 and had a very well paying job. To the tune of 6 figures. I grew up in poverty on food stamps so this was a dream for me. My parents only very recently had success with their business back in their home country. We are immigrants.
Sam was kind of broke because of bad financial habits. he had been financially cut off from his parents who were middle class. He had $80000 of student loans (I've paid off over half) and $20,000 of credit card debt (which I've also paid off)

OOP on an example when she overheard her husband’s conversation with his friend

Sam and his friend were talking about an upcoming trip to Prague we were going to book. I was paying for it. That was what sparked the whole conversation on "bagging a free ride"
He laughed when his friend said those hurtful, but accurate things about my appearance. His friend made more comments on how Sam could stand to wake up to me.
I was also hurt because his friend had always been very nice to me before.
It would have been nice if Sam said he stayed with me for something other than my salary. For him, I'm apparently an easy grift. . You're probably right. My husband insists that the conversation never happened, he never said anything, and that I was hallucinating due to stress.
I felt hurt because I thought the friend was a nice person. He had been quite kind and welcoming before. Though I am not attractive, there was no need to insult me like that if I heard correctly.
They were talking about our upcoming trip to Czechia in 2023 which I am paying for. That was how the conversation started.

 
Update: May 6, 2022
Last night I came home late and my husband was waiting for me. He had been blowing up my phone for the entire day, spamming me with accusing, but not untrue messages. The conversation did not go well...He accused me of avoiding him, which was true. I just couldn't look at him. I used work as an excuse. He said I was withholding affection from him. He also accused me of being unfaithful to him, which was never true. I have a new coworker who just started approximately two weeks ago and Sam was convinced I was having an affair with them. I told him I didn't even know that coworker. How could I have an affair?
I finally told him about what I overheard and how hurt I was. His response was to deny ever having that conversation and deny ever saying anything. He told me I probably misheard something or hallucinated due to stress.
I received several very helpful messages about a post my husband might have made. Though some of the details don't match up, most of it do (our salaries, the time we've been married, the couch thing) and I asked him if he wrote the reddit post. He told me he doesn't do reddit but didn't outright deny making the post and asked me what I was doing on my phone all day for the past few days, which was reading all your messages on this throwaway. I told him that and he looked incredibly upset.
I told him that what he did really hurt me and he still insisted it never happened. I asked him if he ever loved me and he said "Don't be stupid, of course I do. You're the one cheating on me." I told him I never cheated on him. It felt like the conversation was going in circles.
I brought up the possibility of a postnup, and he scoffed and said he didn't want to divorce. If I tried to divorce him, he had a right to a lot of alimony. That part is true. Our state has strong alimony rights for spouses with salary differences. He only had his job for a few months and it's the highest paying one he has had. He said "Who's going to take care of you when you're sick if you try to divorce me?"
I asked him if he ever lied to me or hid things from me and eventually he admitted that the way we met wasn't an accident. He knew who I was and that I would be there and pretended to stumble into me as an excuse to make conversation. I demanded counseling as a first step and to my surprise he agreed.
At that point, I was getting a splitting headache- not a migraine, which I also get often. I went to bed and he gave me a glass of water and medicine and we just didn't bring it up. I took today off work because I feel burnt out. I don't feel like anything is resolved. Now I doubt myself and everything I heard. If I truly didn't hear that, then I blew up my marriage for nothing. If he did say that and he's capable of lying for 10 years, then why would I stay with him? At least we're getting marriage counseling (and therapy for myself).
Excuse me for the numerous typos and grammatical errors. I'm exhausted.
 
Update: My husband doesn't love, my boss is threatening to fire me, and I got a citation from a police officer for sleeping in my car. (Wayback Machine: May 27, 2022
Background info: I overheard a conversation in which my husband essentially told his friend the reason he was with me was because I was his piggy bank- I make a lot more than he does and I do most of the chores. Sam also basically admitted he wasn't attracted to me. I tried to talk to him based on the info I had and the suspicion that he had also made a Reddit post though he doesn't use Reddit. Sam shut me down and told me the conversation with his friend never happened.
I've been waffling between writing this post and not, since I think my husband has been reading my posts. I've already deleted it twice. But he thinks Reddit is a waste of time and the outpouring of emotional support I get here outweighs him reading the thread.
We've had a few short, but devastating conversations since then. Based on Reddit advice, I tried to get evidence that he was with me for my money. After my husband reluctantly admitted that we didn't meet on accident, I pushed and found out the reason he pursued me is that I'm "stable" and I would "do everything for him" and "never leave him." His birth mother left when he was young, leaving his family very poor until his grandfather died. I feel sorry for him and understand why he did this, but there's a small, selfish part of me that wonders why he chose me for this life. I thought I recorded him but nothing shows up in my phone. It doesn't matter since we are an all party consent state.
Sometimes I wonder if I was blind. Sam is far more attractive than me (though my own preference tends to lie in the "unconventional"). I should have realized he is not attracted to me and that it was one sided love. I am not beautiful compared to other women and when I try to wear makeup or fashionable clothes, I can tell he is not impressed. I thought it was because he liked me better natural. My mother used to say a pig wearing makeup is uglier than a pig. I understand that now.
That's partially the reason why I could not stand pretending everything was alright. My love language is touch. I constantly liked to hug him or hold his hand or stroke his back or pet his hair. Knowing that he only tolerates my touch horrifies me. I don't want to be the source of someone's discomfort. I am also ashamed of being so vulnerable, knowing that he hates who I am and the way I look, knowing that he has seen me in my most vulnerable moments. I don't want to be a burden. After one night where I locked myself in the bathroom and slept in the bathtub, he hasn't been moving me from the couch. I think the reason he moved me is to pretend our life hadn't changed rather than any real concern for me. That's why he complained about me withholding affection.
I went back to work and continued the routine I had done for a few weeks, working as much as possible until I had to go home. I cried a lot at work.
I passed out at work one day and when I woke up my boss told me to go home. He was angry. I tried to drive home, but I still felt woozy so I parked in a car and fell asleep. I was awoken by a police officer who gave me a warning for sleeping in a car. Apparently, that's a red flag for DUIs. I drove home and Sam was furious. He somehow had known that I was sent home early. He demanded to know who I was with. I told him the truth.
Sam has been sweet to me since. He hasn't taken off work and he only does about an hour of real work a day, which strangely makes me envious of my own husband. Sam has been making sure I rest, making all our meals, and doing the chores. My work has demanded that I take off at least two more weeks of sick leave since my episode at the office. However, they are also simultaneously making me do work, and implied that my performance bonus will be impacted by my "stunt"
If I divorce my husband, the consequences will be beyond me losing the love of my life. My parents will cut me off from our family. They will not let me see my grandparents ever, who are in very delicate health. My grandparents raised me as a child when I was sent back to live with them in our home country. My family would not be surprised if Sam divorces me. My parents even told me at our wedding that he will leave me and that I should have married the man they arranged, who wanted me for my citizenship. I will not have any support.
In a feverish state, I once offered to give him all of my savings and pay alimony for life if he filed for divorce and he told me to shut up and sleep. I don't know what conditions I can set for the divorce. I'm losing my husband, I'm losing my grandparents, maybe even my job. What do I do?
Comments
OOP on her grandparents’ views on divorce

My grandparents were in an arranged marriage. Divorce is stigmatized and they are not very open to the idea at all. They do want what's best for me, but what they think is best is, at best, 30 years behind the times. I am eternally grateful that they took care of me and loved me, and I would be devastated if my parents cut me off from them.

OOP on the possibility of hallucinating her husband’s comments towards her

I did not hallucinate anything or have a psychotic break.
Initially my husband denied everything, included the phone call. The first thing he admitted that we didn't meet on accident. He had known who I was somehow and had pursued me. Then, he admitted that he wasn't attracted to me. He also admitted that the reason he pursued me and the reason he is still married to me is that I'm "stable" and I would "do everything for him" and "never leave him."

 
Update (Wayback Machine): May 29, 2022
Before marriage counseling, I found out husband hid that he had Borderline Personality Disorder
My husband Sam and I agreed to marriage counseling to see if we could save our marriage. This is an out of pocket expense. Before we could go to our first session, we had to fill out several forms and questionnaires. One question asked about any diagnoses we had. My husband revealed that he had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder two years ago. I knew he went to a psychiatrist/neuropsychologist but he just said they found nothing and there was nothing wrong with him.
I was shocked because he never told me. When I asked why he would hide this from me, he said that it was his medical history and I couldn’t leave him for something not under his control. Sam is not in therapy. Obviously, I would have supported him and gotten the help he needed.
Ever since this came out, Sam has been saying that if I divorce him, I’m abandoning him and that it would be proof I never loved him or care about him. That’s not true. I do love him. That’s why I’m doing this. If I divorce him and pay alimony, he’ll find someone he’s actually in love with. We’d both be happy.
Sam has not given me a moment of space but to be fair, I had a high fever a few days ago. Sam said he wants life to go back to normal “before all this happened and we were happy” but I don’t understand why he would want to continue to live a lie. I’m offering him a way out and he refuses. Is it because of his diagnoses?
How do we move forward from this? Is marriage counseling even worth it? Am I making a mistake?
Comments
OOP on her husband’s family background, if he came from a poor family

Thank you for your helpful response. Your friends should not have treated you like this. I think I feel hurt because my husband didn’t trust me with this information though we have been married for a decade. I would never have abandoned him and would have encouraged him to get DBT therapy or anything else that would help.
His birth mother left him as a child, leaving his family destitute until an inheritance from his grandfather. I think that is why he married me, because I represented stability-both financially and in our home life. Not love.
I do love him and I do care about him deeply but how can I tell him that I will always be there for him when we are heading for divorce? I would be lying to him. I will not be in his life.
We both deserve to be with someone we love. I’m not going to chain him to marriage because of his fear of financial instability. I’m not my father. I will pay alimony. His life will be the exact same-maybe even more money for a cleaner and meal prep- just with the ability to find someone he loves.
It’s hard to talk about marriage counseling and the possibility of divorce without him breaking down. I can’t bear to see him cry.

 
WIBTA if I replaced someone’s glass jar that she lent me without telling her? - June 1, 2022
I bought a glass jar of homemade fruit preserve at a farmer’s market. The seller, Mary (60s F) was a nice older lady that I’ve bought from before. Because we know each other, she gives me a discount if I bring back the empty jar since she saves money. She gave me a fancier glass jar than usual today because she ran out of the regular ones. I can’t return the jar. I found an identical jar at Target and I plan to give her that. The reason I don’t want to tell her is that she’s very kind but inquisitive and she’ll ask why I didn’t bring the original back, and she’ll say that I didn’t have to replace it, etc. I don’t want her to worry.
Verdict: Not the Asshole
Comments
OOP on why she could not return the jar to the seller

It was destroyed. My husband threw it and it shattered. There’s no way to put it back.
He’s a fan of fruit preserves so I got a new flavor I thought he would like to try. He was upset that I got him a gift so he threw it on the ground. He was apologetic but there’s no way to put it back together.
We have been going through a very rough patch. Apparently the gift was a reminder that no one will love him like I do. That was not my intention. I just thought he would like it.
I can’t honestly say it was an accident since my husband threw it on the ground on purpose.

 
I don't feel like I deserve anything. My therapist says that's a good thing. (Wayback Machine): June 7, 2022
I had my first therapy session ever on Saturday (a weekend online therapist who is licensed). When she asked what issues I wanted to resolve, one problem I told her was that I felt like I didn't deserve anything in life. My therapist said that it wasn't an issue, but a blessing since I can practice gratefulness. I am grateful for the smallest things, but intellectually I feel as though I should not be grateful for them. I feel like a doormat in my personal and professional life.
My work demands extremely long work hours. I remember the worst week I ever had in my career was 104 hours of work. I'm exhausted, but my boss relies on me and me only even though there are other members of the team. He says I'm his biggest asset, and I am grateful for being recognized. Yet, others have gotten promotions off the team and into more relaxed roles. I have not. I've worked here for years, and I've only taken 11 days off for vacation the entire time, not because I want to work, but because I'm "needed"
I had invasive wisdom teeth surgery on Thursday, and I got both an infection and dry socket over the weekend. We had a deal going through and and I went to work yesterday in pain with a fever because my boss demanded that I be there. I worked until 12:17am and didn't eat anything since I was in so much pain.
I was supposed to uber back to my hotel (my husband and I are discussing divorce) but I pressed the wrong destination and went back to our house instead. I feel asleep in our front yard, where my husband found me. Luckily nothing happened to me, since I live in a relatively safe area. My husband is thrilled I came home. He pleaded with me to cancel the rest of the hotel stay and I caved in. I feel selfish for divorcing him and I feel selfish for staying. I don't want to be like my father, using money to force someone to stay with them.
I got my dry sockets treated. I need someone to help me irrigate the holes since doing it myself caused the infection but I don't know who to ask. No friends or family live nearby. I just haven't been eating because I don't want to get another infection.
Looking at this post, I feel so much self loathing. It's filled with aggrandizing self pity. The price of my job is the loss of a personal life. Many people would be happy to be in my position, making as much money as I do. Many people would be thrilled to live my life, and have a home to come to and food in their stomachs. There's no reason for me to be unhappy yet I am. And I know I should feel entitled to some things, but if my therapist says not being expectant is a good thing, then what is my problem? What is wrong with me?
Comments
OOP on why she thinks she doesn’t deserve anything

What I told my therapist was: "I struggle to believe that I deserve anything. Though I feel that people in general are entitled to things like love or happiness or rest, I feel like I do not. For some reason, I feel that other people's needs are more important than my own. I'd like to gain these skills." I wrote it out. I later mentioned how I wanted to take a health day, but my coworker wanted to take the day off, so I didn't, because I felt that he deserved the day off. I wished I had the self confidence to still ask for the day, instead of thinking of my team's needs. I'm not sure if it's an issue of gratefulness or deserving or just self esteem.
My therapist said it was good that I feel like I deserve nothing, because I can practice gratefulness and that it was a blessing not to be entitled.

 
Why would my husband insinuate that there is abuse in our relationship to his friend?: July 17, 2022
My husband Sam and I have access to each others phones, computers, emails, etc. Normally, I don’t read my husband’s things, though I know he sometimes checks my messages and the like.
Today, he left his laptop open to his messages and I saw my name in a message alert from his friend who does not like me. I read more of the chat.
A few days ago Sam was arguing with his father over the phone. He was angrier than usual and gesticulating. I went to get something and when I was behind him, his fist accidentally hit my jaw. He apologized immediately and it was fine. I’ve had a couple of minor surgeries unrelated to this incident, so I don’t look great. I can see why someone would be concerned. My new friends and my therapist were very concerned too when they saw me but when I explained, they understood.
Sam’s friend saw me yesterday for a minute. In the chat, he asked Sam why I had a “messed up face” and Sam said it was fine and not interfere in our marriage. The friend was telling Sam that he should leave me and it was all right if we divorced because there were a lot of women who wanted him. The last message said “u can’t hit ur wife bc she wants a divorce. ust take the check and go.” Throughout the entire conversation Sam never told his friend it was an accident. He just said that I was his wife and it was not his friend’s business.
I feel awful for violating his privacy, and I will tell him, but I’m also confused why he would say this and not clarify the accident.
Additional Information from OOP on why she was not divorced yet

I don’t know. I’m just deeply exhausted by it all. Separating, disentangling finances, surgeries, regressions, breaking from my job, stress. It was all overwhelming. My wonderful therapist has told me to break down my problems into simple steps and if I’m too exhausted to act, to just let it be for now and gather up my strength for the next thing.
I just had an abdominal hysterectomy and right now recovery is my next hurdle. I’m in pain but I’m hopeful.
My husband has been doing everything around the house. I can’t lift most things and it hurts to be too active. He works. He cleans. He has learned to cook some surprisingly complex meals that I like. He irrigates my sockets because they haven’t fully healed and I can’t see properly. That was how I got an infection. He helps me shower.
While he does things like this, it makes me feel guilty for wanting to divorce him. It makes me think he blames himself for accidents like in the post. That he does love me. But then I remember the fact that he doesn’t have any photos of me on his phone and that he admitted he didn’t love me at first and other silly things and I just wonder why we can’t live apart happily.

OOP on Sam’s friend mentioned in the post is the same person who was on FT

Yes, it is the same friend. My husband has a circle of childhood friends. I know a few dislike me. One of them has told me that she wished my husband had married a mutual friend of theirs instead of me. I do feel like an intruder in their friendship circle.
I’m happy to say that, now that I’m on leave from work and unlikely to return, my coworkers have grown into close friends. It makes me kind of sad that I chose to work from home a lot, missing out on the closeness they have demonstrated.
We did start marriage counseling. Our marriage counselor is wonderful, as is my therapist. My husband has started DBT therapy but he hates it. Our counselor says one of our root problems is the way we define ourselves. I see myself for what I can provide people- I am a hard worker, I am efficient, I cook, I clean, I can do this or that- rather than what I am intrinsically. My husband defines himself on what he loves and hates, his interests and disinterests.

 
AITA for doing things by myself at an amusement park: August 2, 2022
Last weekend, my (32F) husband Sam (32M) and a few of his friends and spouses arranged to go to an amusement park. I am not a huge fan of loud, hot, crowded places. I find it overwhelming. Moreover, I could not go on the thrill rides as I recently had surgery and have very high blood pressure. Sam convinced me to go to connect with his friends.
When we came, their itinerary was a tight schedule of all thrill rides. The first ride was a rollercoaster. I was in line as a placeholder for a person. One friend, Jake, collected everyone’s phones and put it in his bag. I tried to tell him that I couldn’t go on the ride, but it seems I was unclear. I didn’t want to make a fuss for this one ride so I gave him my phone. When the person returned, I got out of line and waited at one of the two exits as they would meet me there.
After waiting for 40min, I realized they must have gone to the other exit and left without me. I checked the other nearby rides but I couldn’t find them. I went to a first aid station, and I called my phone and then my husband but he didn’t pick up.
At first I tried to stay in the area, but it was high traffic, loud, and very hot. I still had my pass and cash with me. I found a quieter, shaded area, bought lunch, met a very nice elderly couple who showed me a few spots, won a plushie and a blanket from a vending machine, and had dinner. I had fun.
There was an announcement that the park would close in half an hour. I decided I would go to our parked car to wait for the group. 30min later, one of Sam’s friends, Nancy, found me next to the car and dragged me to the others. They were furious because they had been frantically looking for me for the last half an hour.
Update: There is not much of an update. Sam and I talked it out at home and in marriage counseling and came to a sort of understanding. I feel I was less than charitable to him, likely because I felt hurt that he left me.
This is how the day went.
Jake gathered everyone’s loose items including phones, wallets, hats, etc. in his bag and put it in a locker. I made a mistake and put my phone in his bag since I didn’t want to hold them up. A bit later, I crossed over to the exit line, walked down, and waited at the exit. They were supposed to meet me there.
My husband’s group got split. Sam rode in the second half and heard from his friend that the first group didn’t want to do another thrill ride. They slipped back to the entrance with the lockers instead of going to the exit. When I wasn’t at the lockers he thought I left with the first group without waiting for him.
He was hurt and decided not to contact me until I contacted him. He thought if I loved him, I would contact him.
Meanwhile, I was waiting at the exit. I realized that Sam had already left when I saw the same people exit twice, meaning they rode the coaster, waited in line again, and rode the again. This was approx 40 minutes after the 25 wait time the line stated.
I went to the first aid station and called him. I made a mistake. I forgot he doesn’t respond/call back unknown numbers because of scams.
Sam’s friends got back together and split throughout the day. He was upset when I wasn’t with any group because he thought I left them too and I hadn’t tried to contact him.
When the park announced the closing, he was worried. He and his friends called my phone. They dug through Jake’s backpack and saw that my phone was there and it was dead. Sam found out no one had seen me since the first ride. He called back the unknown number and it was the first aid station who confirmed I was there.
Our marriage counselor said I was passive and lacked boundaries. I should have said no to the entire idea. I agree with her. I’m working on me with my therapist.
She said that Sam was so willing to believe I left him and his desire to test if I still loved him that he left me in a dangerous situation. His therapist said he defines himself by the love I give him, which is unhealthy.
Sam apologized the entire time. He feels guilty. He mopes around the house. I gave him the plushie I won and it only made him happy for a few minutes. I think I made it worse. He constantly checks my hand to see if I’m still wearing my rings.
Verdict: Not the Asshole
OOP responds on several questions regarding waiting for her husband and his friends

Giving up my phone was my fault, I agree. Jake told me to put my phone in his bag, I told him I wasn’t going on this ride, but I don’t think I made it clear to him. He told me to put my phone in again and there were others with their phones out waiting to put theirs in, so I put mine in to not create a fuss. I thought that since we agreed to meet up at the exit, it would be fine if I didn’t have my phone. Unfortunately, my phone was on mute as well. I should have not done so . We arrived there in the morning. There are a long lines for the most anticipated thrill rides.
I only had an abdominal hysterectomy so while I can’t lift heavy things or walk a lot, I’m mostly fine.
Edit: the surgery was almost two weeks ago . I can’t blame my husband too much. He was excited to be with his friends. Almost always, I’m not there when he is with them so I can see how he genuinely forgot I was there at the start.
This was supposed to be a way for me to bond with his friends, since his therapist says he puts barriers between certain aspects of his life, but it fell by the wayside since I can’t actually go on most of the rides they planned.
They were searching in the park for me. I suppose they could have made an announcement. When my husband called the number I used back, it was the general first aid center in the park, which apparently made them think I could have been sick. . They just genuinely forgot I was there. It was a large group that frequently hang out together and I don’t go on these sorts of outings so it makes sense. . Yes, I feel bad because they did seem worried and angry. 30 minutes is a long time to be looking for someone in a big park. They didn’t sign up to form a search and rescue, just have fun in the park.
My husband was having fun with his friends. He tracks my phone location so I assume he wasn’t concerned until they realized that I didn’t have my phone and there was no way to track me down.

 
Anyone else experience wound dehiscence? - September 27, 2022
I had an abdominal hysterectomy. Due to poor personal choices, my wound opened back up and plus I got a horrible infection. I had to get another surgery 2.5 weeks after my initial one to fix the damage I caused. It’s been several weeks but I’m still in a lot of pain.
Comments
OOP on if she has finally divorced her husband and having her family taking care of her

I am alright. I got a postnup. My grandmother got very sick so I went back alone to my home country. An unofficial separation. She didn’t make it. I still feel like my heart has been ripped out. I was in both physical and emotional pain. My husband had a severe breakdown and was hospitalized because I wasn’t there. His family and friends begged me to come back so I did. I couldn’t go back to work. I stay at home. he takes care of me.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Previous case
Victor hadn't been kidding when he'd said that the mechanic was going to become more aggressive. The only reason why this week wasn't my last was because I'd had Orion behind me as well as a plethora of precautions in place.
(If you're not familiar with what Orion Pest Control's services are, it may help to start here.)
For example, at Orion, all employees are advised to get lockboxes for their mail rather than regular mailboxes. It would be far too easy for a Neighbor to follow one of us home and fish out a piece of mail to find our names. This is only recommended for people who've had frequent or unpleasant interactions with the Neighbors.
You could also ward off your mailbox with iron. Salt, as always, would work as well, but I'm sure your mailman wouldn't appreciate getting seasoned every time he simply tries to give you your junk mail.
When it comes to monetary transactions, cash or pre-loaded debit cards are the safest, unless you can be certain beyond a reasonable doubt that the person ringing you out is human.
Another precaution that I've taken when it comes to the mechanic is that I've bought a cast iron fire poker from an antique store. Iron is one of the most effective weapons against the Neighbors, though it's best to think of it as an allergy rather than a perfect repellant. Some Neighbors will crumple instantly if they're within a few feet of it while others need direct contact in order to cause anything worse than hive-covered burns.
Given that the mechanic must have frequent exposure to iron during his daytime profession, I have to wonder how effective it is against him. I do see him wearing gloves from time to time, so it must do something, even if it's a minor skin irritation. Either it's a pride thing or he's just that committed to the ‘mechanic’ bit.
I've been keeping the poker in the company truck. Even if it's not lethal to him, I’m sure that getting smacked over the head with it probably wouldn't feel too good. Along with that, I've restocked my salt shells. If the mechanic decides to try anything, he'll have an arsenal waiting for him.
I don't have any delusions about being able to kill him. I think that's something only a true hero could accomplish. I'm talking about legendary individuals like Cú Chullainn, Beowulf, or Māui. People whose deeds are so great that their stories live on to this day. Find someone like that in the modern age. (Though, I would argue that Marc-André Fluery comes close. Flyers fans, don't interact.)
Reyna suggested bathing the hagstone in saltwater to amplify its deterring effects. She also wrapped red thread along the outside of the ring, explaining that it should help enhance its protective properties.
It's a good thing, too. Since my last interaction with the mechanic, promptly at dusk, I would hear the beating of wings outside, and always from the west. I risked a glance out the window one night to find a murder of crows. Ever since I saw that the birds’ shadows move independently of their owners, I don't look at them. I ignore their calls. I know who they serve.
After Reyna's additions, the hagstone vibrates against my chest whenever they're near.
However, in my case, these were only temporary solutions, unless I wanted to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life and fearing death even more than I did before. But in the meantime… raccoons.
A client called about hearing scratching and chattering in her attic. Her uninvited guest also put a hole in her siding. In other words, it was enough of a mess to momentarily distract me from my own problems.
Raccoons are incredibly destructive, chewing up anything that they can get their little hands on. From the client's description, it sounded like we could be dealing with a nest. Mother raccoons can be especially feisty when it comes to protecting their young, so I had Reyna join me in case there were any kits.
At Orion, we are licensed to use humane trapping methods on smaller wildlife, so don't worry, no garbage kitties are being harmed. Though I want yinz to know that raccoons are not to be underestimated. They may not try to take your soul, like some pests out there will, but they can spread a variety of diseases, including rabies and roundworm among others. They also present a major fire hazard when they claw their way into a home since they can chew through wiring like nothing.
The first thing we had to do was identify the garbage kitties’ entry point. Reyna opted to go on the roof while I investigated the attic.
The first thing I noticed was the telltale stench of dried urine. Yup, those were droppings over there in the corner. Delightful. Looking around, I found that the raccoons had torn out a few chunks of the insulation, but nothing that wouldn't be too difficult or expensive to replace. All in all, it seemed like it'd be an easy call.
Then I felt the hagstone begin to tremble. Not long after, Reyna screamed.
I rushed out, my heart surging with panic as I was greeted with the frenzied calls of crows. Shit! They followed me.
She was on the ground, swinging her silver-tipped knife clumsily against the swarm of black feathers swirling around her. I heard her cry out again as I got closer to her, then suddenly, the cloud of feathers dispersed, twisting towards the sky with a cacophony of angered caws. Reyna had managed to get some salt on them before they could gouge her eyes out.
My hand was coated with blood as I guided Reyna towards the house. She'd managed to keep her eyes, but they’d shredded her with their beaks and talons. I could feel her shaking as we retreated from the horde. Reyna tried to hide it, but she was crying, the tears mingling with the blood covering her nose and cheeks like a bandit's mask.
The whole time, the hagstone didn't stop vibrating. I think that was the only thing keeping the horde from coming after us. Their calls were piercing as we took cover in the house.
The client was alarmed when she saw the state Reyna was in, “What psycho ass raccoons do I have?!”
I promised I'd explain later (I honestly don't remember what bullshit story I gave her) then asked her to watch over Reyna as I went out to get the emergency first aid kit we keep in the truck.
Reyna held me in a grip so tight that it left bruises, pleading, “Don't go out there! Please!”
Now that we weren't on the run, I could see the injuries on her face more clearly. The deepest one went through her right eyebrow towards the bridge of her nose. The rest were shallow, painful-looking cuts that criss crossed over her skin.
“They can't come near me. And I’ve got something in the truck that’ll make them think twice.” I assured her.
She didn't let go. I couldn't find it in me to pry her fingers off, so instead, I put my hand over hers, hoping that it was comforting.
The client gently pressed a paper towel to the side of Reyna’s face, her voice heart-achingly motherly as she uttered, “It's okay, honey. Everything's going to be alright.”
I'm not sure if it was from pain or something else, but Reyna noticeably stiffened when the client spoke to her in that maternal tone, closing her eyes as if to keep more tears from falling. Her clutch loosened until my wrist was freed, her hand dropping limply to her side.
The fucking birds sounded like they were laughing when I marched out to the truck. The sound grated on me as I snatched the fire poker and the first aid kit.
“Laugh at this!” I snapped as I swung the poker at the nearest crow.
It let out a squeal as the poker grazed its wing, hopping as far out of reach as it could afterwards. They didn't cackle after that.
After we cleaned Reyna's injuries up, they didn't look quite as terrible, but just to be safe, I dragged her to the hospital. Thankfully, the client was an absolute angel about the whole thing and understood that one of our employees being injured was going to be a setback. I called up Victor to inform him of the situation as well as the entry points that we’d found; he took over where Reyna and I left off.
On the way to the hospital, Reyna muttered, “So… does my little Alfred Hitchcock moment initiate me as an official Orion employee?”
Wearily, I gave her a small chuckle, “Yeah, you're one of us, now. Lucky you!”
“Hey, I’ll take the murder birds over Psycho Mantis.” She replied with a small smile.
Her nickname for the mechanic. I think it's from a video game. I don't know. Never quite got into them.
It was quiet for a moment. The smile faded away as she distantly said, “I think that's how they do it. They take your eyes, they take you, you know?”
I nodded, feeling a lump in the back of my throat, thinking about how the mechanic can control someone just by meeting their gaze. “I think you might be right about that.”
I couldn't help but wonder if the Hunt had attacked her simply because she's an Orion employee or if they were drawn to her because of something else. Was she grieving over something? I didn't know her well enough at that point to be able to tell. They hadn't hesitated to go for her eyes. If that was the case, that'd make her the most vulnerable of the three of us.
Another thing I want yinz to know when it comes to dealing with the atypical: if you or a loved one has been harmed, one of the best things you can do is to support the victim. And if you need support yourself, ignore that stupid little voice in your head that tells you not to bother anyone and reach out. Isolation will destroy you in more ways than one.
After I got Reyna settled at the hospital, I made a beeline to the river to find another hagstone. Clearly, Reyna was going to need one, too.
Naturally, the stupid birds followed me, causing my hagstone to quiver nonstop. I went into the woods armed with my toolbelt and the iron poker. I opted out of taking the shotgun simply because I was going to need a free hand to look for another hagstone. There was a part of me that hoped that one of them would try something so that I'd have the opportunity to smack the shit out of them.
While I was searching, among the crows’ calls, I heard whispers. They sounded close, like they came from behind some brush about twenty feet away, but I believed the False Egg when it said that the whispering thing likes to confuse its victims. Without listening to what they were saying, I glanced around as the river's cold water rushed around my boots, trying to figure out what was stalking me.
The whispers pretended to move further away. But still, I couldn't see the thing causing them. I clutched the poker tighter. The crows had stopped their chattering. They heard the voices, too. Hold on. What were they all looking at?
Gingerly, I pulled out the hagstone and held it to my eye in the direction of the crows' gazes. At first, it looked like one of the trees, until I was able to make out a triangular head with eyes the size of basketballs. It held up two massive, folded appendages that were lined with sharp spines. It looked to be as tall as a draft horse, yet it was so still that I couldn't even tell if this huge animal was breathing. The whispers were quieter than they'd ever been before.
Those huge eyes were fixed on me. I didn’t dare move.
One of the ‘crows’ glided to the ground near to the whispering thing, passing in front of my field of view. I stifled a shudder when I saw the state of its frail, humanoid body. Its skin clung like molten wax to its ribs and spine. Tattered wings extended from the sides of its torso, the feathers looking as if they were ripped from numerous other avians and fused to the miserable animal's stretched, contorted arms to make it fly. Where the eyes should have been were empty sockets. A curved beak had been forced onto the creature as well, driven into the skull hard enough to leave ridged, fleshy lumps.
Now that I've seen it, I think the crows were human, once. Transformed and disfigured to serve the Wild Hunt.
The crow shuffled a little too close to the whispering thing. Quicker than a blink, the whispering thing's folded appendage shot forward, curving around the crow's midsection, spikes driving into the crow's torso. My mind could barely keep up as the whispering thing then bit the crow's head clean off with a terrible crunch.
The other crows began to frenzy, shrieking as they dove towards the whispering thing. Without having to take a step, it snatched another crow out of the air. Flesh ripped with a wet tearing sound.
Since the animals were all focused on each other, I took the opportunity to dig frantically around for a hagstone, holding my own against my eye in the hopes it would lead me to another one.
There was a low hum that I felt more than heard. Deep within my chest, as if I was standing next to an amp at a concert. This was followed by an enraged screech from one of the crows. Still, I kept looking.
There had to be one. There just had to be!
One circular, black rock stood out among the rest, the water seeming to outline it from the view of my hagstone. There! I plucked it out of the water, looking over my shoulder to see if either the crows or the whispering thing were paying attention to me. They were too engrossed with trying to tear each other apart.
I shoved the black hagstone into my pocket and made a break for it, poker at the ready. One of the crows noticed and let out an ear-splitting cry to alert the others.
As I ran, I checked back to see that three of the crows split off to pursue me. I wasn't worried about them catching me. The whispering thing was another matter. This was only my second time encountering it and I hadn't had enough information to identify it, so I didn't want to find out the hard way if the defenses I had on me would be enough to stop it from tearing me apart like it did the crows.
There was another low hum that rumbled against my ribs as the whispering thing used one of its forelegs to swipe a crow out of its way. It had lost interest in them, its huge amber eyes focused on me once again. I prayed that the crows swarming around it would be enough to slow it down.
As I raced through the trees back to where the company truck waited, the whispers started anew. They became louder and clearer the faster I went, interrupted by the shrill cries of the crows tailing me. I did my best not to listen to any of them. The last thing I needed was to get led astray by any of my pursuers.
A crow swooped close enough for me to smack it with the poker. The sound the bird made when the iron scalded its skin made my teeth clench. The others joined it, bringing me to my knees, my ears ringing. High pitched, grating, like broken glass against a chalkboard. Disoriented, I swung desperately with the iron poker again, not hitting anything.
And among all that, the whispers hadn't stopped. My head rang, ears going numb. I swung again. One of the shrieks stopped as the poker found its mark. Even as the auditory assault continued, I got to my feet, grabbing the trees closest to me to keep myself going. The whispers became even more frantic as its prey got further and further away. The truck was right there.
The two crows tailing me had finally stopped their dreadful screaming and simmered down to furious clicking sounds with their beaks, as if they could think of nothing but stripping the flesh from my bones.
When one tested the limits of the hagstone as I got close to the truck, I swatted at it with the poker, the tip colliding with the creature's skull. The crow’s body crashed against an oak’s trunk, then went still.
As soon as I cleared the treeline, the whispering stopped. I looked over my shoulder. The whispering thing was retreating, only visible for a brief moment before blending in among the trees.
It couldn't leave the forest. That was good to know.
I closed myself into the truck, leaving the furious crows outside. They glared at me from the branches of a nearby oak. After taking a moment to collect myself, I drove back to the hospital, wanting to hand the black hagstone off to Reyna before anything else.
At a stop sign, I got a text from Victor: he had finished setting traps for the client's raccoon infestation and was going to meet me at the hospital.
Reyna was chilling in her hospital bed, face bandaged, wearing a hideous blue hospital gown decorated with faded green and pink squares.
“Guess who got her rabies shots!” She announced with a sleepy grin, holding her hand up in a shaka.
Someone was clearly given the good painkillers.
Victor arrived a few minutes later, wearing a black mask that covered his mouth and nose, smelling strongly of lavender. It made my nose itch.
“Why do you smell like an old lady?” I complained.
The mask intensified his withering stare, voice muffled by the mask, “Lotta blood around here. Probably wouldn't be too good if I smelled it.”
Reyna chimed in, slurring slightly, “If you're gonna eat anyone, go for the receptionist. He was reading Anne Rice, so he'd probably be into it.”
It was Reyna's turn to get The Glare. He said flatly, “You're high as a kite, aren't you?”
Reyna flashed a peace sign.
To summarize Reyna's condition, she's as okay as she can be. They had to close up her eyebrow and cheek, and they gave her a plethora of shots to make sure that she didn't catch any diseases from the crows. The hospital doctor wanted to keep her overnight to make sure that she didn't have an infection, then afterwards, she was going to take some time off of work to recover.
Also, I slipped the black hagstone into her purse so that it wouldn't be misplaced.
After we discussed Reyna's injuries, I decided to address the elephant in the room, “So… what can we do about the mechanic?”
Reyna shrugged, “Grovel and plead for our lives?”
Victor rubbed his eyes. “We might be a bit past that point.”
I asked Victor about the specifics of his deal with the mechanic. I knew that there had to be some sort of condition that had to be fulfilled before the mechanic could take someone, otherwise I probably wouldn't be alive to type this right now. Reyna was equally curious.
The boss seemed reluctant to speak on this matter, at first. I told Victor that he didn't have to share anything if there was any possibility of retaliation. The last thing I wanted was for him to be punished in some horrific manner for trying to help me.
He eventually shrugged a shoulder in resignation, “Whatever happens, I can handle it. It didn't take him long to figure out that I was the one that helped you find the hagstone. That wasn't pleasant, but…” He went quiet for a second, his eyes glazing in a way that reminded me of when I first came home from active duty. He then shrugged again, “I'm willing to risk it if that means getting a chance to hurt him back someday. Lord knows it's been a long time coming.”
He didn't tell us what the consequences had been for assisting me, and neither Reyna nor I pressed the issue. Some mysteries are best left unsolved.
Even though I was nervous to hear the answer, I didn't pull any punches and straight up asked, “Why hasn't the mechanic sent you after me yet?”
Victor considered for a moment, then explained, “I'm not sure on the specifics, since the mechanic doesn’t tell me anything other than what I need to know to get the job done. But from what I can tell, he takes those who are dead, dying, or… ‘dead inside,’ I guess is the best way to put it. Some souls appear to be harder for him to take than others. The hard ones need to be… broken down first. As of right now, he says you're not ready.”
Reyna numbly asked, “So if the birds tried to nab me, does that mean that I am ‘ready’? That they could take me at any moment?”
Victor hesitated before replying, “We won't let that happen. Alright?”
Reyna nodded, eyes low.
I wanted to ask her what was going on. Figure out why she was suffering in a way that made her fair game to the crows. But she'd been through enough for one day. That discussion could wait for another time.
My next question was another one that I dreaded the answer to, “And where do you come into all of this, Vic?”
Regretfully, Victor admitted, “I bring him the ones that are ready if he can't get to them himself.”
He glanced at Reyna, “As of right now, keep that hagstone on at all times. Even wear it when you're sleeping. The mechanic didn't know who you were initially, but I guarantee the fucking Lessers tipped him off. I think he’s more focused on Nessa, at the moment, but if I get sent after you, hit me with iron, salt me, do whatever and don't feel bad about it. Same goes for you, Nessa.”
I hated this. I hated that he was being used like this. I hated that he spoke about someday being sent to drag one of us to meet our fate at the hands of the Wild Hunt as if it was unavoidable.
The air suddenly felt like it was much thinner in the room. Somehow, I got enough oxygen to ask, “What if I learned the mechanic's true name? Would that end this?”
Victor let out a soft scoff, rubbing the bridge of his nose over his mask, “Probably, but good luck with that.”
I had already figured that the mechanic wouldn't dance around a fire singing his true name all willy nilly like Rumpelstiltskin. But I couldn't accept that all of us were screwed. There had to be a way. I had to believe that there was a way.
I announced that I'd be back in the morning. Reyna looked as concerned as her painkillers would allow, while Victor jumped out of his seat.
“What are you going to do?” He demanded.
“I'm going to talk to him.” I replied. “One of us is in the hospital and another one of us is undead-”
“I know it's looking bad right now, but they can easily get worse if whatever you're thinking of doing goes south.” He cautioned.
“I'm just going to see if there's some way I can… I don't know, talk him down? I haven't gotten that far yet, but something needs to be done.”
He didn't look convinced, and with how terrible my argument was, I don't blame him. “I'll go with you.”
I motioned towards Reyna. “And leave her alone?”
Reyna, looking like she was fighting sleep, groggily said, “I got the adder stone and I'm in public. I'll be fine. If you're going to confront Psycho Mantis, you're going to need Vic around more than I will.”
Victor agreed, “Like it or not, you're not handling this alone. Remember what I told you when you got hired in?”
We're not heroes, we're pest control specialists.
You know that thing I said about not isolating yourself? I can be bad about not following my own advice sometimes, especially that one.
Going forward, I do want to note that the decisions that were made on that night were extremely risky and I don't recommend for anyone to repeat them. Believe it or not, we are professionals.
On our way to our destination, we stopped by the 24-hr convenience store. Victor was about to question me until he saw me go for the whipped cream. I also got s'mores supplies, thinking that maybe some bribery would make the mechanic more amiable. I figured that if he rejected them then, hey, I like s'mores, too.
Afterwards, we followed the path to the skull trees.
During our hike, Victor whispered, “That fucker is hubris incarnate, but he's not stupid. If he offers you a deal, know that it's not going to be in your favor. And be careful with the way that he twists words.”
Something noteworthy is that the hagstone doesn't react to Victor. I think it's because he doesn't have the same malicious intentions as his captors. He may have changed after his murder (hell, anyone would) but at his heart, he was still Victor. Meanwhile, as we got closer to the skull tree clearing, I felt the stone gradually begin to quake.
Up ahead, orange light flickered. The mechanic had a small fire going. He lay on a blanket next to it, that cursed banjo on the ground beside him, one arm folded under his head, legs crossed at the ankle. His eyes were closed.
He didn't open them as he greeted us, “I was wondering when you two would show up.”
Keeping my nerves buried beneath the surface, I held up the bag of sugary goodness. “I'm here to negotiate.”
He laughed, still not looking at me. “Are you, now? And what exactly do you think a little thing of cream will get ya?”
“Not much, I imagine.” I said evenly. “But I thought it'd be a good jumping off point.”
Even though I’d originally protested Victor coming with me, I was glad that he was there. I don't think I would've been able to be so level-headed if I'd met with the mechanic alone. It would probably be interpreted as a sign of weakness, but I was counting on that.
As soon as I saw the mechanic begin to crane his neck towards us, I slammed my eyelids shut. He knew way more about me than I'd ever wanted him to know already, and I was afraid of giving him more.
Again, another potential sign of weakness. When it came to trying to get him to back off of Orion a bit, I figured it'd be best if he underestimated me.
I didn't have to see the mechanic to know that he had that wicked grin on his face, “Alrighty. Let's see what you've got.”
A hand that was as cold as the grave gently removed the bag of goodies from my grasp. Victor. Wordlessly, he brought the cavity-inducing offering over to the mechanic. I never realized how quiet his footsteps were until then. He moved like a shadow. He could've been five feet away or five hundred, for all I knew.
There was the rustling of plastic, followed by the trademark sound of whipped cream being sprayed from the nozzle. Sounding slightly less prick-ish, the mechanic told me I had his attention.
I had been trying to find the magic words that would make this whole situation blow over. Nothing that I came up with in my head fit that description.
So I decided to be straight forward, then go from there. “What will it take to de-escalate things between you and Orion?”
The whipped cream wailed once again. A moment later, the mechanic replied, “Why are you asking a question that you already know the answer to?”
“Other than my soul.”
He chuckled softly, the sound too casual and charming for this sinister discussion.
“You know, I’m curious, puppydog,” Fabric rustled. Without looking, I assumed he'd sat up, “Which o’ your parents are you most like?”
Here we fucking go.
I tried to redirect him, “With all due respect, that isn't relevant.”
“Oh, but it is.” His tone of voice brought chills to the back of my neck. “You see, I'd be willing to take a trade. Find a soul as mouth-waterin’ as yours, and all this goes away. Hell, I might even let you rest in peace! You know what choice your father would pick.”
I was hoping that the firelight wouldn't be enough for him to see my face flush and my jaw stiffen. That had touched a nerve, just as he knew it would.
That was also a horrible deal. One that I wouldn't even consider. There was no way that I could condemn someone else to an afterlife of torment. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even that weasel-faced client that I rescued the False Egg from. Not even my father.
Swallowing back the plethora of terrible emotions threatening to bubble up, I suddenly felt Victor subtly squeeze my shoulder supportively. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't hesitate to give anyone who insulted his employees a piece of his mind, but the mechanic was the last Neighbor to mouth off to. That was the best he could do for me, in the moment.
When I informed the mechanic that I wouldn't sacrifice someone else to save my own skin, he laughed again, “If only you knew how many times I heard those exact words! Thing is, I ain't even got started on you, pup. Given enough time, you might find you're more like your old man than you thought.”
I took a deep breath to keep the mixture of dread and anger confined to my chest, then calmly replied, “Sounds like you know exactly how everything will play out. Isn't that boring for you?”
The tension that filled the air after those words left my mouth made my chest feel tight.
The whipped cream can wheezed thoughtfully before the mechanic mildly admitted, “A bit, yeah.”
There it is.
“You already have all of the advantages,” I started, “It’s not much of a hunt if your prey can't even run, is it? There's no challenge in killing something that's already baited and trapped.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
Oh boy. I was about to do one of many things I warned yinz not to do: “The only way I can bring you the excitement you're craving is if I have a fighting chance. And a good one. I'll be searching for your name, but I need to know where to look first.”
His laughter made me suppress a shudder. I remember thinking that I should've known that he'd see through my words like he saw through everything else.
The mechanic then said, “I know what you're trying to do, pup. But the problem is, you're right! It's too easy anymore, especially since y'alls names are just available on the internet for anyone to find. I've been getting kind of soft lately.”
This was his soft side?
The mechanic continued, “You really think you can pull this off, pup? I know you're a fighter and all, but you're not a warrior, not really. Being a soldier ain't the same thing.”
“I may not be Cú Chullainn, but I'm as close as you're going to get in Mercer County. We've got a bit of a warrior shortage around here.”
He snorted, “You seem awfully sure of yourself for someone who can't even look at me.”
“I'm not sure about anything. That's why I'm here, isn't it?”
It was quiet for a moment with only the frogs chirping in the forest able to find their voices. Not even the whipped cream broke up the silence this time. I was tempted to risk peeking through my eyelashes, but managed to resist.
Just as my nerves started getting to me, the mechanic said, “So, you want me to give you a hint. That's a lot to ask, but you knew that already.”
“You want something in return.”
“Hagstone. Smash it.”
No way. It was too valuable. If I gave that up, I was dead. I promptly shook my head.
He sounded amused. “Shoulda known you wouldn't fall for that.”
Looking back, I wondered how many he'd tricked like that. Giving up some form of protection after being misled into thinking the mechanic was going to let them go, only to regret it seconds later. Probably far too many.
He continued, “Alright then, we'll talk for real. I'll give you that hint, but I got some conditions. You get three chances to guess correctly. Each time you guess wrong, you have to give me one of your names starting with your first, middle, then last name. Don't try fucking with me by trying to pass your middle name off as your first.”
That made my throat tighten even more. If I agreed to that, failure wouldn't just spell disaster for me, but for everyone I knew as well. I'd be dragging my mom and anyone else associated down with me. I'd essentially be doing what he already requested: sacrificing others to save my own skin.
I heard Victor faintly, from my right, “Don't!”
The mechanic wasn't pleased, “This ain't about you, blue eyes. This is between me and her.”
The stakes were getting way too high. I couldn't do this. But then what? The Hunt wasn't going to wait around for me to find another way, assuming that there even was one. Victor clearly thought it was a terrible idea. For the record, I did, too. I could feel the boss' eyes on me, willing me not to forget what he'd said earlier about dangerous heroics.
Maybe there was another way and I just couldn't see it. But desperation has a way of messing with your head.
“If I agreed to this,” I started, knowing that I was probably digging my grave even deeper. “And I haven't agreed to anything. just to be clear. If I did this, I'd need the assurance that you won't send your crows or hounds or any others that serve the Wild Hunt after those that I care about. That includes my colleagues and me, for that matter. Like you said, this is between us two.”
The mechanic chuckled and I heard him shift again. “You're feeling awfully bold tonight, aren't you?”
I reminded him, “You want this to be interesting, don't you?”
He considered, then with a click of his tongue replied, “You hear that, blue eyes? Means you, as well. On both sides, mind you. Same with that witch doctor. Yeah, I know about her. I keep mine out of it, if you keep yours out. All's fair, right?”
I didn't feel right with any of this, but the alternative was for things to continue as they were. If that happened, we were all screwed anyway.
“And if I agreed, the hint that you provide will have to be both true and helpful. And it'll also be given in easily understandable American English, no riddles or puzzles or any other forms of confusing phrasing. You’d also have to give it to me tonight. The whole thing would begin after that.”
Once again, he laughed, “Shit, you're not messin' around!”
I know how the Neighbors do deals. If I hadn't mentioned it, he probably would've given me the hint in the form of a riddle spoken in backwards Gaelic.
“Alright, pup, I get the picture. You know what you're dealing with. I’ll play nice.”
His voice had a subtle sardonic edge. Nothing about this was going to be nice, if I chose to go this route, but that wasn't news.
“Oh, and one more thing!” The mechanic added a little too cheerfully. “You have until Samhain. I’m sure you know why.”
It's June already; still a good while away from October, but this year feels like it’s flying by fast, like every other year following 2020. He didn't have to explain why: the Wild Hunt are at their most powerful during Samhain, which for those who don't know, was a Celtic holiday that eventually gave birth to Halloween. It's when the veil between the atypical world and ours is thinnest.
In short, it's a busy day for Orion. Looks like it’s going to be even worse this year.
Victor spoke again, “Can I talk to her for a moment?”
“Nope. You don't get a say. Either she takes it or leaves it.” The mechanic answered curtly.
As I deliberated, there were subtle taps on a tree nearby. Hold on. Morse code. M-I-S-S-I-N-G. What was I missing? Maybe it was because I hadn't clearly spelled out what I wanted to happen if I correctly guessed the mechanic's identity.
“If I accept this bet, then if I find your name, you’ll relinquish your claim on my soul, as well as all other Orion employees, whether they're living, dead, or undead. Have I made that clear?”
After a moment, the mechanic answered, the smirk blatant in his voice, “You have now.”
Of course. It was so simple. If I had gone through with the deal without being specific about the outcome, the mechanic wouldn't have been obliged to release any of us. I would've done all the work to identify him for nothing. Tricky bastard.
Thanks, Victor.
With a heavy sigh, I politely asked the mechanic to repeat everything that we'd just discussed to make sure that he wasn't going to conveniently forget something. To my surprise, he did it without comment, though he sounded like he thought the whole thing was funny. He left nothing out.
When I say that agreeing to this deal was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I mean it.
I instantly had second thoughts the moment I heard the mechanic stand up and cheerfully say, “Well, you ready for that hint? You’re gonna wanna open your eyes for this. I can show you better than I can tell you.”
Oh God, I made a mistake! No. I could do this. I had to.
Black cherries. He was in front of me. Steeling myself, I opened my eyes. The mechanic stood as close as the hagstone would allow, a dark silhouette in front of the crackling flames.
“Blue eyes, would you mind holding puppydog’s hagstone for her? Wouldn't want that gettin’ lost, now, would we?”
What?!
“Don’t get all frantic, I can’t do shit to you until you get your hint, per our agreement,” The mechanic said dismissively as Victor approached me. “You’ll get it back after.”
Victor looked apologetic as he gently removed the most powerful defense I had. He had an odd glint in his eye. Was that defiance?
I’ll get you out of this, Vic. I promise.
The very moment that he was able to, the mechanic grabbed my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes.
A church surrounded by black water… A great feast of viscera and wildflowers… Black thorns drinking the blood of the unworthy… The great antlered headdress of the White Son of Mist… Pricking his finger on those horns… He signed in blood…
Victor pulled me back, not giving the mechanic even a picosecond to take full advantage of being outside of the hagstone’s influence. If he hadn't been holding me up, I would've been on the ground, still recovering from what I'd just seen.
“You find that ledger, you find me.” The mechanic said coolly.
That church. It reminded me of something. In the morning, I’m going to check our records. For now, I just want to crash. I'll keep yinz updated.
On the bright side, there weren't any crows waiting for me when I got home.
(Here's an index of all the cases I've discussed so far.)

Demographics: Male, Indian, First-Gen, Low Income, Semi-Competitive Magnet School
Intended Major(s): CS/C. Engineering
SAT: 1430 (700 Reading, 730 Math), retaking for a higher score
GPA and Rank: 4.0 UW / 4.4 W, Top 10% of Class
Past Coursework:

• 6 APs: AP Calculus BC, AP Physics I, AP German, AP World History (4), AP Human Geography (5), AP Computer Science Principles (4),
• 5 Dual Enrollment: English 1 & 2, U.S. History, Amer. Gov, Psychology
• Remaining were magnet classes that were weighted like normal classes

Senior Year Courseload:

• 2 AP: AP Physics C (M and E&M), APES
• 6 Dual Enrollment: Linear Algebra & CS (GATech*), Macroeconomics, Multivariable Calc. & CS (GATech*), Microeconomics *pending AP Calc BC Score

Awards:

• Horatio Alger National Scholar (1/105 nationwide out of >25,000 applicants)
• Questbridge College Prep Scholar (Should I include in CommonApp?)
• Georgia Certificate of Merit (Top 10% of Class)
• National Community Service Award (over 100 hours of service junior year)
• AP Scholar Award
• Couple of school awards in Math & English
• Projected to receive Zell Miller Scholarship (In-State Full-Tuition)

Extracurriculars:

• President of a Technology-related Club
• Secretary of a Religious Club
• Internship at County (unrelated to CS)
• Summer teacher at local religious facility (2 years), tutor during the school year (3 years)
• Developed website for local religious facility, being used by community members to donate/sign up for weekly events
• Part of a mentorship program in tandem with a leading communications company; lead a project with mentors to aid a local non-profit
• Member of: NHS, Beta Club, Computer Science HS, Science NHS, Red Cross Club
• Over 200 volunteer hours by the end of this summer

Jobs:

• Part-time job at 3 different locations since freshman year to help with household bills/expenses

Essays: 8/10, have written a few before and they’ve gotten me into some selective programs
LORs:

• Physics Teacher (8/10) - has written one for me before, and knows me pretty well; will provide a brag sheet
• German Teacher (9/10) - knows a lot about me and my background, has written an eye-watering LOR for me before
• Religious facility director (10/10) - very close with them, has seen my development from being a student to teaching large groups of students (7+ years connection)

Schools List (so far):
Reaches:

• Georgia Tech
• Stanford, Brown, Cornell, Columbia, Yale (all thru QuestBridge)

Targets:

• University of Georgia

Safeties:

• Georgia State, Kennesaw State University

I think my main worry is the fact that I don’t have many ECs or awards related to CS/C. Engineering, mainly due to the fact I had to take on part-time jobs to help assist with bills and expenses at home. Let me know if there’s any other schools you’d feel I should considewould fit in well. Thanks a lot!

[Backstory][Arc 1][[[Next>]]()
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Chapter 2: The Egg of Shadows
Gribble towered at the kingdom's entrance, robes lashing in the wind. Red eyes blazed with dark power, remnants of the Shadow Trent's powers surging through him. Necromantic energy crackled around his form. Gribble sneered, surveying the ranks of reanimated dwarven skeletons - his Dark Legion, raised from those slain by his own hand. Pride and cruel anticipation swelled in his chest as he beheld his gruesome handiwork, the once fierce dwarven warriors reduced to mindless thralls under his absolute dominion. Clawed fingers flexed with eagerness, dark forces gathering as Gribble prepared to unleash his vile horde upon the unsuspecting world beyond these mountainous confines.
Bony digits slashed the air. At Gribble's command, the Dark Legion surged forward, an avalanche of rattling bones and rusted armor, skeletal feet clattering against weathered stone. The discordant march reverberated through the cavernous depths of the desecrated dwarven stronghold, a macabre rhythm heralding the nightmares to come. Raw exultation pulsed through Gribble's veins as he bent the undead to his indomitable will, relishing the cold precision of their unholy unison, every jerking step propelling them toward the warm lands ripe for his bloody harvest. Shambling bones clacked and scraped, ancient weapons gripped in fleshless hands, as the abominations that once defended these halls now paraded from their defiled resting place at their master's behest, hungering to visit oblivion upon all who dared oppose his twisted desires.
As the final skeletal warrior lurched through the archway, movement flickered in the periphery. Gribble tensed, then relaxed as his loyal Grey Fur Beast emerged from the gloom to pad silently to his side. Otherworldly silver pelt shimmered in the faint light, belying its unnatural origins. Eyes smoldering with feral intelligence met Gribble's own, a profound understanding passing between master and monstrosity. Savage pride tugged Gribble's thin lips, gnarled hand coming to rest upon the beast's back, tracing the scars of their shared victories etched into ashen hide. Claws absently caressed rough fur, eliciting a rumbling purr that promised unflinching obedience and remorseless savagery. His most prized possession, birthed from the bloodshed of his greatest conquest. With the Dark Legion and his Grey Fur Beast heeling to his every whim, Gribble's legend would echo through eternity.
Memories stirred, cold mist and jagged stone. Gribble recalled that fateful day in the mountains, where destiny fell into his clutches. Exhaustion weighed upon his wiry frame, each step an agony, crimson rivulets painting his green flesh. But beneath the pain, triumph blazed, his greatest foe vanquished, the Shadow Trent's essence Even now, he could feel the monster's power thrumming through his body, every cell alight with stolen vitality. And there, nestled against an onyx boulder, his final prize awaited - an egg, large as a human skull, its shell shimmering with bewitching iridescence. Bands of silver undulated across its indigo surface like captured moonlight, ancient runes etched in the ever-shifting patterns. It called to him, a siren song tangling the threads of fate, beguiling him closer with unspoken promises of unfathomable might.
Claws scraped stone as Gribble knelt, scooping the egg into greedy palms. An icy tingle crept through his fingers, eldritch energies swirling within the calicified prison, as if tasting the blood and darkness permeating his aura. The shell pulsed against his flesh, strangely warm and vital, like a second heartbeat, sending a shudder down his twisted spine. Transfixed, Gribble studied the mesmerizing whorls, each elegant curve hinting at grandiose cosmic secrets. With every breath, the egg seemed to synchronize with his own, a tangible declaration that their destinies were now inextricably entwined. Here, cradled in his battered hands, lay the key to his deepest aspirations, a weapon to bring kingdoms to their knees, to carve his name into the weeping flesh of history.
Gribble's tongue flicked over jagged fangs, goblin instinct screaming to sate his hunger, to devour this treasure and gorge upon its power. Claws dug into the silver-veined shell, hairline fissures spidering across its surface. One squeeze, one brief exertion of his rage-fueled might, and it would shatter, warm ambrosia for his ascension spilling into his eager gullet. Sinew coiled beneath leprous skin, violence trembling through Gribble's gaunt frame, the egg's outraged resonance humming up his arms. Just one bite, and its secrets would slither down his throat, burning through his being until godhood churned in his belly. But Gribble denied his instincts, a deeper impulse staying his hand, whispering seductively in his mind's shadows. No, this prize was meant for greater things than a moment's indulgence. This egg would be his sacrament, the altar upon which worlds would burn.
Realization struck, a twist behind his ribs. This creature, this nascent god confined within its calcified womb, could be so much more than a mere feast. An image unfurled in Gribble's mind - a mighty beast, rippling with otherworldly menace, an extension of his own unholy will. Yes, this egg deserved his devotion, to be nurtured to terrifying fruition beneath his meticulous attention. Joyous shivers raced down his limbs at the thought, a perverse ecstasy at odds with his malignant soul. To shape such a being, to bind it to his very essence, awakened an emotion he had never before experienced - a yearning to create, to leave an indelible mark on existence. This creature would be his legacy, the womb that would birth a new age of uncompromising malevolence. In that moment, clutching his squirming prize to his bony chest, Gribble felt the mantle of destiny drape across his shoulders, heavy with the weight of prophecy fulfilled.
Gnarled digits curled protectively around the egg, the shell's nascent warmth bleeding into his calloused flesh. With every shuddering beat emanating from within, something unfamiliar stirred behind Gribble's jaundiced eyes - a flicker of compassion, an ember of empathy, fragile as a moth's wing. He, who had only known hatred and callous self-interest, suddenly found himself awash in an alien tenderness, a primal need to shelter the fragile life pulsing against his palm. It was as though a missing piece of his fractured psyche had clicked into alignment, a long-forgotten warmth rekindling in the wasteland of his soul. In this egg, he sensed a kindred spirit, a being as raw and hungry for purpose as himself. No longer merely a means to power, this egg represented a new beginning, a chance to carve out an identity beyond the caustic bile of bitterness and rage. Perhaps, in rearing this monstrosity, he might resurrect some vestige of his own stillborn humanity.
The Shadow Trent loomed large in Gribble's mind, a behemoth of writhing shadow and unfettered malevolence. It had been a horror beyond imagining, the mountain's black heart, spawned from the fevered nightmares of a sadistic god. He should have fled, cringed before its primordial might, yet the egg's siren call had spurred him onward, drawing his battered body inexorably to the beast's lair. The Ancient Tree towered over their battleground, its trunk wider than a giant's girth, scabrous bark drinking in the viscera misting the air. They had clashed beneath those twisting boughs, a frenzied ballet of fang and claw, each blow shaking the earth, dark magics screaming from rent flesh. Gribble had never known such agony, nor such vicious glee, than in those blood-soaked hours, his body a conduit for unimaginable energies, pain and power blurring into a rapturous whole. And when the abomination finally lay twitching at his feet, its shadowy form corroding, Gribble had torn into it with ravenous abandon, black ichor slopping down his chin as he glutted on its fading essence.
The moment the Shadow Trent's heart slid down his gullet, Gribble's world shattered in a paroxysm of infinite darkness. It was as though he had swallowed a dying star, stolen fire searing through his veins, rewriting his genetic tapestry. Charcoal sludge coursed through his twitching limbs, reshaping muscle and bone into an avatar of purest corruption. Images flooded his fracturing consciousness, the death agonies of civilizations, the visceral snap of a soul's moorings shredded by depraved sorceries. And through the tumult, one glorious realization crystalized - the Shadow Trent's necromantic essence now pulsed within his own blasphemous marrow. Death itself would bend to his desires, shackled to the obscene hungers of his unquiet mind. With a thought, he could beckon the grave to vomit forth its mouldering charges, the unquiet dead his eternal chattel. In that singular, glorious moment, as the last tatters of his mortality sloughed away, Gribble was reborn in an afterbirth of oozing shadows, a god of death swaddled in tattered flesh.
But even this apotheosis paled before the glories sleeping within the egg. Like a doting parent, Gribble ferried his precious cargo back to the twisting warrens of his subterranean demesnes. With his own gnarled hands, he excavated a chamber nestled deep within the mountain's rotting bowels, the earth parting before his crackling fingertips like diseased flesh. Into this pocket of gravid darkness, he sequestered the egg, a profane creche for his squirming godling. Chitterring incantations spewed from his cracked lips, guttural utterances thrumming with the agonized frequencies of shattered souls. Wards of rancid power encased the chamber, an umbilical tether of blistered energy pulsing between Gribble's shrivelled heart and the curled abomination within its confining shell. By day, he would squat before his charge in reverent silence, nostrils flaring as he suckled the foetid air for subtle changes in the egg's vital rhythms, each tick of progress sending dark ecstasy shivering through his emaciated frame.
Now, as Gribble stood at the precipice of his grand design, his gaze lingered on the Grey Fur Beast crouched at his side, the end result of his tender madness. Primordial energies crackled through its ashen pelt, lambent eyes swirling with the promise of cataclysm unbound. No longer a mere beast, but an extension of Gribble's own unholy essence, a living testament to his unfettered will. The beast shifted its hulking frame, muscles rippling like serpents writhing beneath its hide, a low growl building in its barrel chest. Fangs gleamed in the guttering light, each ivory shard honed to eviscerate, to rend the offal from those who would dare stand against its master's grand aspirations. As if sensing Gribble's building bloodlust, the Grey Fur Beast's growl hitched into a eager whine, claws gouging furrows into the unyielding stone, its haunches tensing in anticipation of the oncoming slaughter. Gribble's lips peeled back in a rictus grin, a nightmare union of pride and sadistic glee, as he savored the intoxicating thrill of the hunt churning in his gut.
With an imperious sweep of his emaciated arm, Gribble urged his Dark Legion onward, the Grey Fur Beast falling into step at his side with predatory grace. Beyond the crumbling gates of the fallen dwarven kingdom, a world ripe for conquest beckoned, populated by the weak and ignorant, lambs bleating for the butcher's knife. The earth trembled beneath the relentless march of Gribble's unliving horde, each step an inexorable drumbeat of damnation. Soon, the fields would run red with the blood of the innocent, the skies aboil with the agonized screams of the dying. Gribble's name would become a curse upon the lips of the vanquished, a synonym for despair and unending torment. And from the ashes of this world, he would raise a new order, where hope withered and nightmares roamed unshackled. The Goblin King, scourge of the living, had begun his grim ascendancy, the Grey Fur Beast forever at his side, and woe betide any foolish enough to stand in their dread path. In the rotting bowels of Gribble's heart, a terrible joy unfurled, glutted on visions of the beautiful depredations to come. The world, in all its ripe fecundity, awaited his despoiling touch with bated breath, and he would gladly oblige its morbid desires.

I am kind of just writing this to rant but I am open to any suggestions. All of my peers know what to do with their lives and I'm so lost. I just picked computer science as my major or career or whatever because I was graduating and needed to pick something. I have no idea what to pursue. All I know is that I somewhat like math and science and history. Im really into crime however I don't like gory stuff and I don't think my heart can handle being in the forensics field. Im very sensitive. Everyone expects me to make it big. I was ranked 10 out of 800+ students during high school. I have made all A's my entire high school career. I have gotten countless scholarships but I just don't know what to do. I feel like a failure..... Why don't I have it planned out. I don't want to disssapoint my family but I really need help. Ivee been so depressed recently because I feel like a waste. All my hard work for nothing. Just to be clueless.

My financial aid office told me that I am at the limit for the amount of aid that I can receive via FAFSA/Federal loans. However the limits listed on the StudentAid website are different than the amount of aid I have previously received. According to the StudentAid website dependant undergrad students can receive up to $31000, of which $23000 can be subsidized. I have personally only received $24134, of which $11330 are subsidized. This means that I am under in both categories, so I am confused as to why they would say I am already at the limit. I 'only' need $4097.92 to pay off the bill from my school, so there is plenty of room left for a loan of that size. If anyone has any information that can help me figure this out or other options of how to get the money outside of private loans or scholarships, I have tried to get both extensively and have had no luck even with cosigners. The Summer 2024 semester is my final one before I graduate, so getting this resolved would be a great weight off my shoulders. All help is appreciated!!!

My financial aid office told me that I am at the limit for the amount of aid that I can receive via FAFSA/Federal loans. However the limits listed on the StudentAid website are different than the amount of aid I have previously received. According to the StudentAid website dependant undergrad students can receive up to $31000, of which $23000 can be subsidized. I have personally only received $24134, of which $11330 are subsidized. This means that I am under in both categories, so I am confused as to why they would say I am already at the limit. I 'only' need $4097.92 to pay off the bill from my school, so there is plenty of room left for a loan of that size. If anyone has any information that can help me figure this out or other options of how to get the money outside of private loans or scholarships, I have tried to get both extensively and have had no luck even with cosigners. The Summer 2024 semester is my final one before I graduate, so getting this resolved would be a great weight off my shoulders. All help is appreciated!!!

I am a 40-year old male with a family history of thyroid problems. My mom has Grave's disease, my brother Hashimoto's, and my sister has also had problems in the last 5 years. So it's something I watch out for. And in the past 2 years, I've noticed basically every symptom gradually emerge:

• I gained weight, and rather quickly (from ~150 to ~175+), despite having a mostly healthy diet;
  
• Losing just 1lb takes an enormous amount of discipline and effort, but if I so much as eat one modestly heavy meal it's back to square one;
  
• It seems that I am often tired, distracted, and lacking motivation, or I just find the urge to want to sit down all the time (E.g., something like international travel kicked the ever-living piss out of me);
  
• Muscle aches and stiffness are commonplace all of a sudden (I went to get an xray on my back, and even did 5 weeks of PT, because I was throwing out my back so often!)
  
• I find myself far more down in the dumps and irritable about things than I ever have been before, and all despite having everything going for me by pretty much every objective measure. For lack of a better word, I feel "meh.";
  
• Not sure if this is also a symptom, but I have been sick nonstop this year, including frequent rashes which has NEVER happened before;
  
• Then, my most recent blood test for a life insurance exam (which did not test for thyroid levels) showed high cholesterol.
  

While much of this can be explained by having a son in the terrible twos and "you're not 25 anymore," all of this seems to be pretty strong evidence of hypothryroidism. And yet my most recent lab test from 2023 said I have thyroid levels within normal range. I'm obviously going to address this at my next doctor's appointment, but in the meantime, I feel compelled to ask, did any of you have a similar experience before being diagnosed?
I feel like, at this point, I actually WANT to receive a positive diagnosis, so I can finally start treatment and stop wondering "what's wrong with me?"

Some basic financial information to start: I’m 25, I make 86k gross a year, and I take home ~$4700 a month if I average out bonuses and such. I have ~40k in a HYSA as emergency savings, car savings (mine’s old and I’m preparing for when it finally goes), and house savings. I have ~80k across my 401k and Roth IRA (putting away ~$2300/mo). I max out my Roth each year, and am on track to just about max out the 401k this year as well. On average I put away $1200 into my HYSA every month—last year it was $2000, but I’ve had some unexpected car and medical expenses this year that lowered my average. I generally feel very comfortable financially.
I was reworking my budgeting spreadsheet today, and was disheartened at the timeline for saving up for a downpayment on a house. I’m aiming for $60k, and at my current rate, I won’t have enough until 4 years from now, barring any unexpected major expenses (likely, with how life goes). I understand even having an end in sight is a privilege, but rent and home insurance in my area has been exploding, and I’m concerned that I’ll get priced out or the owner of my rental house will decide to sell. I know many people are completely happy renting their whole lives, but I really want the permanency, security, and freedom of owning a place. Especially since I have a chronic disease, knowing I’ll always have a roof over my head would be a huge comfort. I'm constantly anxious about losing my job and dealing with a loss in medical insurance, as I live in the USA, and thinking about rent on top of that is a bit of a nightmare.
So, how wise would it be to get a head start on owning a house by reducing my 401k contributions a bit? I have tried to reduce my spending, but unfortunately my expenditure remains pretty steady. On average I spend ~$1550 on essentials (rent, utilities, medical care, car maintenance/gas, pet expenses, student loan payments), ~$500 on food (sharing some ingredients/meals with my roommate, and paying for friends’ meals when eating out), $200 on personal care (home goods/supplies, clothes, hair cuts), and $250 on “fun” things (entertainment, hobbies, and honestly mostly gifts).
I know I could reduce pretty much all of my expenses other than the essentials, but a good chunk of that is spending time with/buying things for friends, and I don’t want to be stingy or miss out on life. Eating out less would help a lot, but to be completely honest I barely have the energy to do my job a lot of the time, much less cook dinner. The most comfortable option for me right now would be reducing 401k contributions a smidge, but I don’t want to make a huge mistake.
Any thoughts? Am I missing something obvious?
TLDR Should I reduce my 401k contributions from just under the maximum in order to purchase a house sooner, potentially making it so I live less comfortably in retirement, or cut back on my non-essential expenses and live less comfortably now?

21 AMAB (MTF)
So I've been wanting to go into the mysteries of a certain diagnosis that I had starting from a young age yet havn't found a satisfactory answer to whats going on. I have a lot of really terrible hormonal disorders, I originally suspected I had some sort of pituitary deficiency as I was diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency at around the age of 10. This combined with the fact that I was also i believe taking levothyroxine since the age of 7 which afaik is for hypothyroidism would make sense as a combined pituitary deficiency would lead to both. However more recently according to my mom i had actually been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism which would make sense as i'd always had trouble gaining weight rather then losing it along side the low energy and other symptoms.
However if thats the case then im confused as to how i could simultaneouslly have hyperthyroidism and a growth hormone deficiency, unless i had somehow gotten seperately something like graves disease plus a pituitary hormone deficiency? And why do I swear i was taking levothyroxine growing up?
I'm not really sure as I discontinued all my medication at 16, at that point i was more then satisfied with my height and i felt that the medicine wasn't working for me. Also I have a lot of mental issues, generally i'd say I have a lot of the symptoms associated with autism in addition to gender dysphoria. I'm honestly confused about the mystery involving my own body to be honest.
so in short i got a few questions

1. Whats up with the levothyroxine? Was i mismedicated or am i just misremembering? I know i took pills for my thyroid
   
2. My growth was pretty much halted since a very early age which would suggest i had these issues since a very early age aswell, is it possible that my brain development was screwed with because of this which is why i have all these mental issues?
   
3. What diagnosis could possibly cause a growth hormone deficiency plus hyperthyroidism? Those 2 seem like they are contradictory in nature.
   

For background information. Two years ago I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and graves disease. I was not responding to medication so my doctor told me it’s best to have my thyroid removed. So I had a total thyroidectomy over a year ago and my levels have not been in normal range this entire time . So for two years straight my levels are either high or low. I have the most common symptoms of being hypo or hyper depending on what my dose is changed too . Over the course of the last 4-5 months I have been having very weird symptoms tingling and pins and needles, often on one side of my body , issues with my eyes such as light sensitivity and always seeing sun spots and eye floaters . I’m always Lightheaded and I have occasionally blurred vision also . Could my symptoms be thyroid related ?! I just want to feel normal again . I heard someone say it takes months of my levels being consistent in normal range to feel normal again . Is this true ? Could that be why I have weird neurological symptoms and eye issues ?

Hi everyone,
I am hoping to apply for UOA for 2025 as well as the academic potential scholarship. In NCEA LVL 2 I gained 71 E credits, and overall 160+ E credits including NCEA LVL 1 and NCEA LVL 3 (ongoing.) I am eligible for the full amount in student allowance, live rurally, have a parent with a diagnosed mental disorder, first in family to study in tertiary education, half POC, immigrant parents, etc. However, I never really did many extra curriculars throughout my school years besides work casually. I do have the SVA bronze medal and I am a peer support leader at my school but I get the feeling that's not enough...
I'm freaking out because I know so many people are going for this scholarship.