Will you let your dreams die out of fear that others might disapprove of them, ridicule them? Will you allow yourself to be enslaved by a job where you make money to buy things that make your external life seem prosperous while, at the same time, you ignore the development of your inner self? What is inside of you? Who are you? What makes you truly happy? What was the road you wanted to follow before the people around you changed its course by disapproving of the way you wanted to be? How many layers of fakery have you grown over all these years to hide your inner self under addictions, comfort, mediocrity? Are you strongly enslaved by the approval of people you do not respect, but for some reason, you would do anything to have their fake admiration which usually lasts only a moment and at what cost? Would you sell your dignity to a stranger for online currency only to become worthless in the end? So many women trap themselves online while so many men trap themselves inside that lustful illusion which those women who trap themselves online shamelessly propagate over those men.
Seneca said, “Why do you take pleasure in praise from those whom you cannot praise yourself?” And really, why would you? What’s the point? You cannot be free if your idea of life is based on mindlessly following the mob. And what is the crowd’s opinion? Boring pieces that scream louder when they scream together? Who cares? Isn’t it funny that you care more about their opinion of you while they don’t care about you at all and if they do, they care about your opinion of them.
Marcus Aurelius said, “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” Why is that? In my childhood in Russia, I used to read a fable about a crow and a fox. A crow was sitting on a tree with a big piece of cheese in its mouth. The fox, for some reason, wanted that cheese but couldn’t reach the crow since the crow was too high and the fox couldn’t climb the tree. The fox began praising the crow, how beautiful the crow looked, how magnificent the crow’s singing must be since with a look like that, the crow’s voice definitely must be heavenly. Eventually, the crow cawed pathetically, dropping the cheese. The fox got the cheese, and the crow got her share of the praise that, of course, was fake. Sweet things are bad for us in excessive amounts. Too many candies might give you diabetes. Too many sweet words might fog your mind, and someone is getting the best of you while you are like the crow from the Russian fable. I noticed way too many times how sweet words melt people as heat melts wax.
Epictetus said, “Who are these people whose admiration you seek? Aren’t they the ones you are used to describing as mad? Well, then, is that what you want – to be admired by lunatics?” Do you? It’s a good question to ask yourself honestly and to answer honestly as well. Do you?
Visit my Blog

Today my mail carrier told me we need to "nip it in the bud" with all these deliveries after he delivered a speed bag to the house today.
I clutched my pearls (fake, received free on Vine), apologized, told him briefly I'm part of a free program, tried to bat my eye lashes, and be kind, and he basically shook his head and walked away.
My Ring camera caught the whole exchange so that there's evidence of my shame (also received for free on Vine. My shame, not the camera. I actually paid for that but I'm pretty sure he delivered that one too).
Gold member for two years now and I do take full advantage of the program in the capacity I can with mostly necessities and complete arrogant wants, so sometimes I max out the 8 items a day, but most often do not. Most of the time, Amazon drivers deliver to us, and we rarely see the same driver twice. I think this guy delivers just big packages (twss).
Looking forward to the comments from all perspectives. No real need nor desire for advice though. It's hot, he was maybe having a bad day, and yeah we are a regular stop but have never provided snacks/water because we just are two people with ADHD. So I don't blame him for being a little miffed but I do also feel a little annoyed about it too, just not enough to go do anything about it.
So I see both sides. Which one are you on?

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Factory New), B/O: $7194.77

★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2025.74

⎯

★ M9 Bayonet Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $557.87

★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $529.41

★ M9 Bayonet Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $465.39

⎯

★ Talon Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $1295.27

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Minimal Wear), B/O: $746.28

★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested), B/O: $688.15

⎯

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $547.93

★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $476.69

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $278.18

★ Flip Knife Black Laminate (Well-Worn), B/O: $258.83

★ Flip Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $181.64

⎯

★ Stiletto Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $686.04

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $665.41

★ Stiletto Knife, B/O: $601.39

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $418.25

★ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $227.80

★ Stiletto Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.96

★ Stiletto Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $192.79

⎯

★ Nomad Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $518.11

★ Nomad Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $169.78

★ Nomad Knife Forest DDPAT (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $166.88

★ StatTrak™ Nomad Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $335.79

⎯

★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $442.05

★ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Minimal Wear), B/O: $426.24

★ Skeleton Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $314.03

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2361.28

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $376.53

⎯

★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $557.12

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $471.42

★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $212.37

★ Ursus Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $187.66

★ Ursus Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $178.18

★ Ursus Knife Ultraviolet (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $155.13

★ Ursus Knife Boreal Forest (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.26

⎯

★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Minimal Wear), B/O: $204.83

★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested), B/O: $184.50

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Lore (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $224.11

⎯

★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $2142.02

★ Bowie Knife, B/O: $230.44

★ Bowie Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $209.20

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.51

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

⎯

★ Falchion Knife Night (Field-Tested), B/O: $132.54

★ Falchion Knife Urban Masked (Well-Worn), B/O: $112.81

★ Falchion Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $108.81

★ Falchion Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.82

★ Falchion Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.46

★ StatTrak™ Falchion Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $143.08

⎯

★ Paracord Knife Crimson Web (Minimal Wear), B/O: $486.48

★ Paracord Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $163.12

⎯

★ Survival Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $138.26

★ Survival Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

⎯

★ Gut Knife Sapphire (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1127.79

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $286.17

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $246.55

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $240.77

★ Gut Knife, B/O: $210.49

★ Gut Knife Lore (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.22

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $151.51

★ Gut Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.94

★ Gut Knife Rust Coat (Well-Worn), B/O: $118.99

★ Gut Knife Boreal Forest (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.80

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $237.96

⎯

★ Shadow Daggers Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $264.92

★ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $253.03

★ Shadow Daggers Tiger Tooth (Factory New), B/O: $237.22

★ Shadow Daggers Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.40

★ Shadow Daggers Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $144.42

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $105.20

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $150.46

⎯

★ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $365.99

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $228.93

★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $227.43

★ Navaja Knife Slaughter (Factory New), B/O: $209.06

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $203.16

★ Navaja Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $132.57

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $121.69

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.95

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $100.41

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $369.01

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $109.95

GLOVES

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2394.67

★ Sport Gloves Omega (Well-Worn), B/O: $572.33

★ Sport Gloves Bronze Morph (Minimal Wear), B/O: $338.88

★ Sport Gloves Big Game (Field-Tested), B/O: $323.66

⎯

★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1652.07

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested), B/O: $599.14

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Well-Worn), B/O: $231.57

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot (Minimal Wear), B/O: $126.21

⎯

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $996.99

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Field-Tested), B/O: $383.31

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Well-Worn), B/O: $276.00

★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Field-Tested), B/O: $180.28

⎯

★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $502.29

★ Hand Wraps Giraffe (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.73

★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $178.32

⎯

★ Driver Gloves Queen Jaguar (Minimal Wear), B/O: $181.01

★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red (Field-Tested), B/O: $101.66

⎯

★ Broken Fang Gloves Jade (Field-Tested), B/O: $127.88

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.55

⎯

★ Bloodhound Gloves Guerrilla (Minimal Wear), B/O: $127.94

★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened (Field-Tested), B/O: $102.55

WEAPONS

AK-47 X-Ray (Well-Worn), B/O: $478.95

AUG Hot Rod (Factory New), B/O: $425.83

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Hyper Beast (Factory New), B/O: $413.95

M4A4 Daybreak (Factory New), B/O: $309.51

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge (Factory New), B/O: $305.43

AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $196.38

StatTrak™ M4A4 Temukau (Minimal Wear), B/O: $174.64

P90 Run and Hide (Field-Tested), B/O: $167.03

AWP Asiimov (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.33

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike (Minimal Wear), B/O: $140.00

M4A1-S Printstream (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.70

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Golden Coil (Field-Tested), B/O: $117.48

AWP Asiimov (Well-Worn), B/O: $115.97

StatTrak™ Desert Eagle Printstream (Minimal Wear), B/O: $112.96

StatTrak™ AK-47 Asiimov (Minimal Wear), B/O: $110.85

Souvenir M4A1-S Master Piece (Well-Worn), B/O: $102.42

AK-47 Bloodsport (Minimal Wear), B/O: $100.53

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Ramese's Reach, Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Apep's Curse, Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Mummy's Rot, Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Black Nile, Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Steel Delta, Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Waters of Nephthys, Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Eye of Horus, Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (ScaraB Rush, Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Sobek's Bite, Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Copper Coated, Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Paris 2023, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.

Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.

Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.

Affirm is a BNPL (Buy-Now-Pay-Later) service offering B2B and B2C micro-loans. You can purchase all kinds of products using Affirm, they don’t judge. In fact, you’re automatically approved for Affirms micro-loans.

The Sex doll & your Ai

So, it’s no secret. Ai is ruining everything it touches. Including your personal life but you’re going with the flow… now?
You’ve been eyeballing a sexy life-like sex doll after downloading your Ai girlfriend chatbot and you’re ready to get to second base with your Ai girlfriend. After deciding that the sexy life like sex doll fits your fantasy ideal of what your Ai girlfriend should look like, you decide to buy her. Oh, but wait… you just want to make payments because she’s an expensive girl. That’s where Affirm comes in!
Affirm allows you to make up to 6-weeks of payments interest free, or extend the payments out for a longer period of time and pay some simple interest for the added convenience. So, you can have your expensive sexy fake girlfriend for the low cost of some affordable monthly payment.
Great! Only one problem. Now you’ll be too busy banging your Ai girlfriend to get a real one. That’s neither here nor there, nor is it really anywhere… does she like the way you style her hair, she most likely wouldn’t care… to be fair, she’s not a real person!
Our example is just to demonstrate the beauty of Affirm. You can buy anything! Affirm seems like a credit card at first and it kind-of is. The difference? If you pay off the balance in 6-weeks it’s interest free and you’re more likely to get a limit raise, for being responsible!

Is Affirm a good company?

What makes a company good can be relatively subjective; if it wasn’t people wouldn’t invest in companies that seem like bad ideas to others. So, we’ll let you decide that. We just want to share some napkin matt-e-matiks.

Does Affirm have a legitimate shot at being profitable?

Affirm’s customers average 3.9(4) transactions each.
Affirm has reported 17.6M active customers for FY24, Q2 and have reported 42% growth on 92% of repeat customers; meaning that 3.9 transactions is probably getting closer to about 7 transactions per customer.
Affirm charges business 6% of the transaction +0.30 in processing fees and have grown their B2B pipeline by 15%, with 21% of the entities being served being considered larger companies.
Affirm recently partnered with Amazon. Amazon is responsible for (as of FY22,Q1) 32.7*% of all e-commerce sales.
Now let’s stop right here and make it simple.

The Napkin math

Affirm has 4 customers types: 1) will pay nothing back 2) will pay something back 3) will pay within 6 weeks 4) will pay within 12-24 months
Affirm loans all 4 people $200.
1) is a loss, the debt is sold for a 50% recovery 2) pays back $100, the debt is sold for a 25% recovery 3) pays back within 6 weeks 4) pays back in 6 months, pays 10% simple interest
Yields from the above scenario 1) $50 2) $125 3) $200 4) $211*
So, Affirm dished out $800 and only received $536 back, leaving a net of $-214. This is where Affirm gets interesting. Remember, Affirm also charges the merchants 6% of the transactions +0.30 for processing. In this scenario that’s an extra (12*4) = $48. Leaving us at a net negative of $-176, awe man!
BUT THERES MOAR!
Successful customers are likely to use affirm roughly 4-7 times per quarter, meaning that each successful customer makes up for the losses of a single customer who didn’t pay their bill. If we assume that the successful customers are (3) and (4), even (2) is beneficial because at least something was paid.
So let’s do that napkin math again, to see if anything changes.
1) 1x purchase, no repayment , not likely to use the service again 2) 1x purchase may or may not return, may or may not pay full amount 3) 3-7 purchases quarterly 4) 3-7 purchase quarterly
((1)50+12.30) + ((2)125+12.30) + (((3)200+12.30))6.5) + (((3)211+12.30))6.5) => 199.6 + 1379.95 + 1451.45 = $3031
Total Loaned: $3000
Capital Returned: $3031
This napkin math doesn’t account for all revenue streams but only those that are at the core of the business; and, may not serve as a completely accurate measurement for how profitable the company may grow to be.
As you can see, Affirm ends up profitable even if 25% of their customers pay nothing, 25% make partial payments and 50% make their full payments with or without interest. But, a 1% return on capital is difficult to work with. In fact, why would anyone loan out money only to receive 1% back?
Theoretically if Affirm, loaned out $20B they’d only receive $200m… that sucks… right? Not entirely. If Affirm is receiving this money back every 6 weeks, on average they’d be primed to make $200m every 6 weeks, which could come out to $400m per quarter, and nearly $1.6B yearly in revenue. Not including transaction fees. Which could probably bump that up to about $2.8B annually on $20B loaned every 6 weeks… but that would also mean that Affirm would need nearly 150-200B cash on hand.
Based on the napkin math, we think if Affirm is touching upwards of $1.6B in revenue without distributing $20b in loans every 6-weeks they’ve possibly got something good going.
Is Affirm a good company? That’s for you to decide.

Previously, on Hell’s Kitchen…
The final 11 participated in Chef Ramsay’s own personal version of Wheel of Fortune, in which they spun for their ingredients and built their dishes from the ground up. In the blue kitchen, egos clashed, but it was Thomas who took over the leadership role, much to the annoyance of Grace. In the red kitchen, with Shane out of the picture, the undermanned red team managed to work together on their creation. When Ramsay tasted the dishes, it was the red team who had the edge, and they were rewarded with a horseback ride through the Santa Monica mountains, along with a scenic picnic with Ramsay himself. Meanwhile, the blue team were punished by cleaning both kitchens and prepping grouper for tomorrow night’s service, and tensions quickly arose between Thomas and the rest of his team.
In service, both teams got off to a slow start on appetizers, but while the blue team managed to right the ship on entrees, the red team sank due to a shocking performance from Deidra on the fish station and Everett’s confusion on garnish. Ramsay declared the blue team as the clear winners, but named Michael the best of the worst and asked him for two nominees from the red team. At elimination, Michael decided to nominate…
Michael: “Deidra.”
And…
Michael: “Everett.”
But Deidra’s meltdown on her supposed best station was the last straw, and with that, her dream of becoming the head chef of Gordon Ramsay Steak in Vancouver, British Columbia came to an end…
https://reddit.com/link/1cpom17/video/3pzlz672iuzc1/player
And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen…
The chefs went back upstairs to the dorms after Deidra’s elimination, with Ramsay’s instructions to the blue team still echoing in their minds. Melody said in her confessional that she liked being on the blue team, and definitely didn’t want to leave Lauren again after they had just been reunited. As the blue team returned to their side of the dorm, Lauren said they should try to work this out as quickly as possible, and the three of them went into the bedroom to discuss it privately. Lauren asked Melody and Thomas what their thoughts were, and Melody said she wanted to stay and continue to prove herself as a leader on the blue team, while Thomas said that he wanted to go back to the red team, as he felt that he could help them get back on track and show Ramsay his leadership qualities in the process. Melody asked Lauren what she was thinking, to which Lauren hesitated. In her confessional, Lauren said that this was a tough decision, as she had already jumped to a new team once, and she felt comfortable working alongside the blue team. Finally, Lauren said that if Thomas wanted to go to the red team, she would support him, to which Melody agreed. Back in the main dorm, Grace said in her confessional that she hoped Thomas would leave so he would stop imposing his will on every challenge and she could start to assert herself as a leader. Meanwhile, Travis was relaxing and trying to keep his mind off his nagging injury, saying in his confessional that it wasn’t going to get any easier, but there was no way he was giving up on his dream.
On the red team’s side of the dorm, the four remaining chefs were in a somber mood after yet another loss in service, and a frustrated Michael said they needed to get their shit together and start winning services again. Everett was still shaken up after his second consecutive nomination, and said in his confessional that he absolutely could not afford any fuck ups in the next service, or it might all be over. Faye tried to assure him though, saying that they would bounce back from this and no one else was going home from the red team from now on. Ramona was also feeling frustrated, as she had only won a single dinner service out of the first ten, and said she was sick and tired of always being on the losing team. Everett agreed that the losing had to stop, but also said Ramona needed to step up and prove why she deserved to have her immunity pass. Ramona defended herself though, saying she had a good service tonight aside from one mistake, while Everett had totally failed on garnish. Faye tried to calm them down, saying they were all frustrated right now and just needed to get some sleep.
And soon afterwards, both teams did finally turn in for the night.
Challenge
The next day, the chefs came downstairs and found Ramsay waiting for them, along with Jon and Christina, and Michael said in his confessional that this had to be a special occasion for the sous chefs to also be present. First, Ramsay pointed out that out of the 20 chefs they had started with, there were now just 10, which meant he was expecting each and every one of them to start standing out as individual leaders, while continuing to be strong team players. With that said though, he reminded the blue team of what he had said last night, and asked Thomas who was going back to the red team. Thomas announced that he had volunteered and gotten everyone else’s agreement, and Ramsay told him to step forward, put his red jacket back on, and rejoin his old team.
With both teams now balanced again at 5 chefs each, Ramsay was ready to announce the challenge, but he started by saying he needed the help of some special guests. As he said this, the door opened to reveal season 2 winner Heather, season 6 winner Dave, and season 12 winner Scott, who each held a large poster displaying dishes which Lauren described in her confessional as looking absolutely delicious, while Melody said in her confessional that it was amazing to be in the presence of so many former winners. Ramsay told the chefs that all of these dishes did not come from a michelin-starred restaurant, but from right here, designed by chefs in previous seasons. Ramsay continued, saying that to celebrate 20 years of Hell’s Kitchen, he was bringing back the classic red vs. blue menu challenge for tonight’s service. To that end, he instructed the chefs to go back to the dorms and take some time to build their menus. Then, they would prepare 2 appetizers and 3 entrees for him. As a further incentive, he revealed that the sous chefs and the three past winners would join him in tasting their dishes and giving feedback, so he urged them to put everything they had into their respective menus.
Back in the dorms, both teams quickly tried to get to the task of designing their menus. On the blue team’s side, Lauren took on the role as the leader, as she asked the team for suggestions for her to write down. Travis said in his confessional that this was a huge deal, as he knew none of them wanted to disappoint Ramsay in front of several former winners, and they had to put their best foot forward with this menu. Early on, Melody began suggesting several ideas, saying they should go for a classical French menu with items such as mussels, beef bourguignon and a creme brulee dessert. Grace became annoyed very quickly and said in her confessional that Melody was just one of those chicks who liked to hear herself talk. Lauren, though, approved of many of her suggestions, and put forward a venison tenderloin as her own contribution. Travis also suggested they should try a flatbread, while Carole suggested a bistro salad. Lauren asked Grace if she had any suggestions, but Grace stood up and grumbled that it looked like the blue team clearly had this under control and walked out. Travis said this was getting ridiculous, while Carole said they could make a lot more progress without Grace anyways.
On the red team’s side of the dorm, it didn’t take long for Thomas to take over the leadership role again, though Faye said it needed to be a group effort. Ramona suggested adding lamb chops, as she felt confident she could work with it given her five star signature dish. Thomas changed it to a rack of lamb with his own garnish, and after getting the approval of the others, added it to the menu, though Ramona was annoyed in her confessional, saying that Thomas wouldn’t let anyone’s ideas stand on their own. Michael wanted to add veal parmigiana, which Thomas said seemed a bit too basic for what Ramsay would be looking for. Michael said in his confessional that it felt like Thomas had just walked in and assumed command of the team, while Thomas said he was simply trying to ensure they had the highest quality food to present to Ramsay and the former winners. While the others tried to toss out ideas, Faye noticed that Everett wasn’t saying much, and noted that he seemed much more quiet than usual, but Everett replied that he simply didn’t feel as confident in putting his own ideas out there. However, he finally suggested adding red snapper, which Thomas said was a great idea, though again, he decided that his ideas could elevate the dish, but Everett said in his confessional that there was no point trying to change his mind. Faye managed to get ribeye added to the menu, while Michael had better luck with his suggestion of a creamy butternut squash risotto.
With both teams having worked out their menus, it was now time for them to return to their respective kitchens and prepare their five dishes for Ramsay’s approval. As the chefs were heading back downstairs, however, Travis suddenly stumbled and cried out in pain, and had to be supported by his teammates the rest of the way down. Travis grimaced as he said it felt like something just snapped, and his ankle felt as if it were on fire. Melody said in her confessional that this was not good at all, and went to find the medic. While Travis was being examined, the blue team entered their kitchen, and Ramsay noticed that they were down a man, asking where Travis was. Carole explained the situation and said he was being checked out by the medic. Ramsay nodded and said while it would obviously be difficult, as their concern was rightfully on Travis’ health, the blue team needed to keep it together and cook to the best of their abilities. However, it was undeniable that the wind had completely gone out of the blue team’s sails, as Lauren said in her confessional that Travis was the level-headed person that had always kept them somewhat even keeled, and made the transition to a new team much easier for her and Melody. Melody tried to encourage the team by saying Travis was coming back and they had to give him a great menu to work with, it was clear that each of them were now feeling extremely anxious about Travis’ future in Hell’s Kitchen.
Outside the kitchen, Travis was being tended to by the medic, who said he would need to go back to the hospital, as the injury had worsened. Travis was close to tears in his confessional, as he said he would do anything not to leave, and knew if he left now, he might never get this opportunity again. Ramsay himself came out of the kitchen to check on him, and Travis pleaded to be allowed to stay, saying he could fight through this, but Ramsay said his health was the priority and he needed immediate treatment, telling him to wait until after service to make a decision on whether or not he wanted to continue. Travis finally accepted Ramsay’s advice and agreed to go to the hospital, saying in his confessional that he was about to make the biggest decision of his life, and the worst part was that he felt completely useless in his current condition.
Back in the red kitchen, the only one who really seemed to feel confident in the menu was Thomas, as he said in his confessional that it was annoying to have his team doubt him after all of the times he had come through in the past, but he was confident that Ramsay would love the food. Ramona said in her confessional that Thomas seemed like a good chef, but his personality made it very difficult to work with him, and she was tired of always having someone push her ideas aside. Meanwhile, Michael was cooking his risotto, saying in his confessional that he had to make this his best risotto yet, and despite his earlier annoyance with Thomas, the two of them still talked back and forth, and Michael joked that he like Thomas better when he was in a good mood, to which Thomas replied that if they won service tonight, he’d be in an even better mood. Everett chimed in, saying the blue team was in for a good old fashioned ass whooping tonight, as he was done playing around, and Michael said that’s exactly what they needed to hear, as he said in his confessional that it was great to have the old Everett back after he had gone quiet during their menu creation. Faye said in her confessional that her ribeye was looking great, and she couldn’t wait to show it to Ramsay.
As the thirty second warning was called out by Ramsay, the chefs began plating their dishes, and brought them to the pass as time expired. With the cooking portion of the challenge complete, Ramsay had some troubling news for everyone, as he pointed out what each of the red team’s members had already noticed, which was that Travis was missing from the blue team. Ramsay said that Travis had been taken to the hospital, and would not be participating in tonight’s service. Faye was stunned, saying in her confessional that she would never have wished something like this on one of her fellow chefs, especially after the way she went out last season. Thomas asked if Travis was alright, which surprised Ramona, as she said she didn’t know he had a heart, and Ramsay answered that it didn’t look good, but there could be no definitive statements made yet. Thomas said in his confessional that they had all made sacrifices to be here, and just because he saw himself as the clear best chef on either team didn’t mean he wanted his competitors to go out due to injury. With all this said, though, Ramsay said the focus right now had to remain on the challenge, and now, it was time for the chefs to present their dishes to him, Jon, Christina, and the three former winners, starting with the blue team, who presented Melody’s mussels, Travis’ onion flatbread, Lauren’s venison tenderloin, Melody’s beef bourguignon, and Carole’s sole meuniére.
Ramsay noted that everything worked well on paper, to which Dave agreed, as he said it looked like the blue team had a plan and executed it, which Lauren admitted should be mostly credited to Melody, who had come up with the concept itself. Ramsay asked what Grace’s contribution was, to which she said that the blue team clearly didn’t value her ideas very much, to which Lauren shot back that she could have had something on the menu if she didn’t storm off. Ramsay ran a hand through his hair in exasperation and said the menu looked more unified than the team at the moment. He then said it was a good start, but the taste was the most important factor. The dishes did get good reviews overall, though Jon pointed out that the presentation on Carole’s sole could use some cleaning up, and Christina cautioned Lauren and Melody on their meat temps, as the venison and beef were slightly dry, but Scott had high praise for the presentation on Melody’s dishes, with Ramsay noting that had been one of her strengths from day one, even if consistently cooking the food to an edible temperature had taken a bit more time. Melody laughed nervously in her confessional, as she said this felt as awkward as having a parent-teacher conference, but Scott said the creativity was definitely there, which got a huge smile from her. Overall, everyone seemed to agree that the menu was tight and cohesive, with Ramsay saying that they just needed to execute where it counted, during service.
Next, it was time for the red team’s menu to be put under scrutiny, and they presented Michael’s butternut squash risotto, Thomas’ lobster ravioli, Thomas and Ramona’s mint crusted rack of lamb, Thomas and Everett’s red snapper with an orange-mango beurre blanc, and Faye’s ribeye. Ramsay said that it all looked delicious, which Christina agreed with, as she said she was proud of the red team and how far they had come. Michael said in his confessional that it was an honor to get such a high compliment from their sous chef, and he hoped she would still feel that way after tasting the food. Thomas was showing some rare nerves in his confessional, as he said his fingerprints were all over this menu, and he knew it was good, but if for whatever reason, Ramsay and the others didn’t like it, the blame would swiftly fall on him. When it came time for reviews, the biggest criticism came on the rack of lamb, as Heather noted that it seemed undercooked, and Ramsay schooled Ramona, saying this was not what he expected at this stage, especially since she had cooked lamb better than that on day one. Dave also pointed out that the presentation of the snapper dish needed a lot of work, as it didn’t look as appetizing as it could have. However, the ravioli was praised as being restaurant quality, while Christina loved the flavor in Faye’s ribeye, and Jon said Michael’s risotto was one of the best he’d ever tasted, to which Ramsay agreed. Ramsay concluded that the menu was up and down, but had potential, and told them to make the necessary adjustments.
Ramsay thanked the former winners for coming back to help him critique the menus, and said he looked forward to seeing them tonight in service, which got all of the chefs’ attention, as Lauren said getting to serve their own dishes to former champions was all the motivation they could ever have needed.
Pre-Service
Now that the menus had been tested out, Ramsay told the chefs it was time to start prepping the kitchens and familiarizing themselves with their menus, as he was expecting an amazing service from each team tonight.
In the blue kitchen, Melody said in her confessional that it was tough to concentrate when Travis’ absence was the clear elephant in the room, and she was just hoping he would be okay and they could win this service for him. Grace, on the other hand, said in her confessional that while she wasn't actively rooting for injuries, she was here for one reason and one reason only, to win, and she wasn’t about to get all weepy and sentimental over a competitor leaving. Carole seemed more nervous than usual, and Melody checked in with her, as she said that she felt like she had been struggling in the past few services, but Melody said they had to keep their heads in the game right now. Lauren said in her confessional that this was her time to step up as the leader of a demoralized team and show Ramsay that she had what it took to become his executive chef, and with their own food on the menu, there were absolutely no excuses for failure.
In the red kitchen, Thomas was annoyed that Ramona and Everett had made such basic mistakes in the menu tasting and made perfectly good dishes look subpar, but he was determined to lead the red team to victory tonight. Michael said they had to win this one with the blue team being a man down, and Ramona said in her confessional that she was going to have a perfect service tonight, no matter what station she was on, as it was the only way to avoid being nominated. Everett was also eager to avoid nomination, as he had gone up two nights in a row, and knew he couldn’t afford to fuck this up, not when it was a menu they had created themselves. Faye said in her confessional that Michael, Thomas and herself definitely seemed like the top contenders right now on the red team, and hoped that Ramona and Everett could put their inconsistencies aside and step it up. Ramona ended up asking Faye for advice, as she felt like Thomas had something against her, but Faye said it was only going to get more cutthroat from now on, as this was uncharted water even for her.
Ramsay gathered the chefs one more time and reminded them that it may be their menus, but it was still his standard, and he was not going to put up with any bullshit. With that said, he told them that they were all still here for a reason, and now it was time for them to show him, then, he turned to Marino and told him to open Hell’s Kitchen for Red vs. Blue Menu night.
Dinner Service
Diners streamed through the doors for the 11th Hell’s Kitchen service of season 24 for a very special event, as the red and blue teams’ menus would be competing against each other for the first time in ten years. As guests took their seats, including three very special guests - the former winners and their families - it wasn’t long before orders began to enter the kitchen, and it soon became clear which menu had the early edge in popularity, as all of the tickets were for the blue team.
With their menu getting all the early attention, it was up to Lauren on appetizers and Melody on fish to get the blue team off to a great start, while Grace was on garnish and Carole was on meat. With one chef on each section, Lauren said there was nowhere to hide, and it was time for each of them to put up or shut up. Lauren had no problems early on with Travis’ flatbread dish, as she was able to get her first table accepted, and said in her confessional that this one was for him. She was also able to communicate well with Melody on fish, who also had no issues serving the first table of mussels. Grace on garnish said she was here to show out and kick everyone’s ass, regardless of team, as she was still pissed off about being left without any dishes on the menu. Her first table of salads though, was overly watery, and Ramsay said he did not expect that from her when she had made better salads than that weeks ago. Grace was able to bounce back though, and appetizers continued to be smooth sailing for the blue team, although Lauren said in her confessional that having the more popular menu also meant a greater workload, but she was confident that she and Melody could handle this. Sure enough, with their excellent communication and teamwork, appetizers were flying out of the kitchen at a steady pace, and a very important guest, season 2 winner Heather, was seen enjoying her meal. Melody said in her confessional that she was very impressed with Lauren’s leadership, as she really seemed to have things under control on apps. Soon, the blue team was ready to get started on entrees.
In the red kitchen, Faye was on appetizers, Ramona was on fish, Thomas was on garnish, and Everett was with Michael on meat. Unfortunately, their menu was not turning out to be as popular as they had hoped, as they had to wait for several minutes after the blue team to get their first ticket, and Thomas said in his confessional that this was just getting embarrassing. Finally though, orders did begin to stream into the red kitchen, and early on, Faye and Ramona communicated well between their sections, as Faye noted in her confessional that Ramona was really speaking up and sounding confident for the first time, which she was proud of, and they were able to successfully deliver their first table of risotto and lobster ravioli. Ramona said in her confessional that nothing was going to stop her tonight, as she had to prove why she belonged in the top 9. Both did have some stumbles though, as Ramona didn’t make enough ravioli for a table, and had to be asked by Ramsay if she knew how to count, while Faye sent up a bland risotto, and was schooled by Ramsay, as this was a Hell’s Kitchen staple. Faye kicked herself in her confessional, saying these little mistakes added up in Ramsay’s mind, and she couldn’t let them affect her. Faye and Ramona were able to recover though, and it wasn’t long before food once again began to leave the kitchen to very satisfied diners, including season 12 winner Scott. With both kitchens still neck and neck, the red team was now ready to get started on entrees,
Back in the blue kitchen, the focus shifted the Carole on meat to keep the blue team’s momentum going, Carole was nervous in her confessional as these were new menu items, but knew she needed to deliver a strong performance to keep herself from falling behind. Unfortunately, the issues would begin as early as the first table, as Grace called out inconsistent times from garnish which threw off both Melody and Carole, and Ramsay demanded to know when exactly the food was going to start coming out. Once they finally brought their dishes to the pass, Carole’s beef was rejected for being chewy and inedible, and Grace said in her confessional that Carole seriously needed to either get a grip or get the hell out of here. While Carole was able to recover and the first table eventually went out, progress continued to be sluggish as Grace was not talking to her team and rushed garnishes to the pass, which led to Melody bringing up undercooked sole, and she expressed frustration in her confessional with Grace not being a team player. With the kitchen still moving slowly, Ramsay called out for the venison and got no response from Carole, much to his frustration. Melody was able to calm Carole down temporarily and the two of them managed to finally get their sole and venison to the pass. Ramsay now called out for the garnish, saying the ticket was dying, only to receive soggy, burnt vegetables from Grace, and he demanded to know if that was really her best. Lauren said in her confessional that Grace was absolutely sinking the service right now, and decided to try to help her out on garnish, but Grace said she had things under control, saying in her confessional that Lauren just needed to leave her alone, but Lauren said Grace clearly needed the help, and with the kitchen still stalled, Ramsay had enough and took everyone into the pantry, asking them what the fuck they were doing. Carole explained that Grace wasn’t talking to anyone, while Grace said that Carole was supposed to be driving the tickets from meat, and she went silent on them. Ramsay was pissed and told them to get it figured out, and quickly, because this was absolutely unacceptable.
While the blue team struggled through entrees, the red team hoped that Everett and Michael would propel them to victory from the meat station. Everett said in his confessional that this was redemption night, and he needed to have his best service yet to earn back Ramsay’s respect. On the first table, though, both Everett and Michael had issues as Michael served rare ribeye, while Everett’s lamb was undercooked and poorly sliced. Thomas said in his confessional that the red team could not afford to be having these struggles at this point, and the meat stations needed to get their shit together immediately. Fortunately, both Michael and Everett were able to recover and, along with Ramona, get their first table out. Ramona did serve raw snapper, which got her schooled by Ramsay, but she was able to bounce back quickly. From then on, entrees began to flow out into the dining room, with Ramona continuing to be more vocal from fish, while Thomas kept everyone on schedule from garnish. With the orders for the red team still lagging behind those from the blue team, Ramsay became annoyed with Everett dragging on his lamb, but with Michael’s help, they were able to avoid it becoming a larger issue, and Everett was able to serve beautifully cooked lamb, with Ramsay saying he wanted it to be like that every single time. Everett said in his confessional that he had no intentions of stopping, and a fire had definitely been lit under him tonight. With Michael, Everett, Thomas and Ramona all working in sync with each other, the red team was able to push out entrees and complete a very solid service, with several guests seen enjoying their meal, including Scott
While the red team started to pull ahead on entrees, the blue team were in the pantry trying to sort out their issues. Melody told Grace and Carole that they needed to be more vocal, and that Grace needed to accept Lauren’s help. Lauren agreed and said they weren’t cooking like a team right now. With Carole promising to try to do better, and Grace throwing her hands up and saying she would do whatever would help the team win, the blue team finally emerged from the pantry and resumed working on entrees. With Lauren helping out on garnish, communication finally improved, but Grace still managed to serve bland, watery puree, while Carole had problems getting the temperature right on her venison, as it was overcooked on the first attempt, and “still moving” on the second attempt, as she said in her confessional that this service had been an absolute nightmare for her, and she had a feeling she could be going home tonight. However, they were finally able to serve acceptable dishes along with Melody’s sole, and the blue team eventually managed to serve the rest of their entrees and complete service behind the red team, with Heather and Dave seen enjoying their food in the dining room, but Ramsay said that was more painful that a fucking root canal.
Post-Mortem
Ramsay had the teams line up and said tonight was all about these chefs, the supposed best half of the field, proving that they could build and serve their own menus, and that was why, after the strong start both teams had on appetizers, he was deeply disappointed in the fall from grace, which he pointed out was a very appropriate choice of words, from the blue team, as he still wanted to know where the fuck the communication was on entrees, ans wondered if Travis had really been the one holding them together all this time. With that said, there was one team who did justice to their own menu, and that was the red team, who were declared the winners of Red vs. Blue Menu Night. Ramsay then told the blue team to go back to the dorms and think very hard about the two people they wanted to nominate for elimination after that embarrassing performance. With that, he told them to piss off.
Back in the dorms, the decision seemed simple for the blue team at first, with Lauren saying that Grace was a disaster on garnish, and refused to talk to anyone. Carole agreed and said it was clear she was only looking out for herself at the team’s expense. Grace shot back that she had to look out for herself, as it was obvious that everyone else here wanted her gone. Melody told Grace to stop putting words in their mouths, as she had been nothing but supportive, but Grace said she was voting for Melody due to being fake and overly inconsistent. Lauren asked if everyone else agreed to nominating Grace, to which they did, and Grace angrily said in her confessional that they could each go fuck themselves for all she cared. For the second nominee, Lauren and Melody agreed that Carole’s performance in service was the weakest, as she had struggled to get meat temperatures right. Carole tried to defend herself by saying she had been more consistent throughout the season than Melody, and simply based on the process of elimination, would have to nominate Melody due to her up and down performances. Melody was annoyed with this, as she said she had been doing her best, and despite her terrible last service with the red team, felt herself getting stronger and more confident with each passing day.
On the red team’s side of the dorm, Michael was pumped up to finally be back on the winning team in service, which he celebrated with Faye, while Everett was relieved that even though he didn’t have a perfect service, he delivered when it counted and helped his team win. Thomas said in his confessional that he did nothing but win, and after turning around both the blue team and red team, he was sure Ramsay was taking notice of his leadership abilities. Ramona went over to chat with Everett, with the two of them being excited to still be here, with Ramona saying she and Everett were definitely the most vulnerable ones here, and they needed to stick together, especially since Thomas would push for them to go out as soon as they lost. Everett said in his confessional that Ramona was a feisty chef, which he admired, though he was worried about the fact that she still had her immunity pass, and if it came down to the two of them, she had a get out of jail free card, while he would be screwed. Even so, he agreed that they should watch each other’s backs.
Elimination Ceremony
The four person blue team entered the dining room, and as they stood before Ramsay, it was clear that the nerves of the competition were starting to get to them. Ramsay said they were down to the best 10, and this had been their own menu, and the more popular one, no less. There should have been no excuses for such a disastrous service. He did concede, though, the fact that the stress of losing their teammate before service may have played a role in throwing them off their game, and that was why he wanted to let Travis tell them how he was doing. With that, the door opened, and Travis entered the dining room, supporting himself with crutches, which drew some shocked silent reactions from his teammates. Ramsay asked Travis what he had been told at the hospital, to which Travis replied that his ankle was in much worse shape now, and it would take an extended period of time to heal. Ramsay sighed, as he told Travis that they both knew what this meant, and Travis nodded, as he appeared to be fighting back tears, and said he would not be staying in Hell’s Kitchen.
Melancholy music
Ramsay: “I don’t say this lightly, young man, and I sincerely mean it: you could have won this competition. I’m very sorry you won’t be able to go on. And I wish you all the best with your recovery and future in the industry.”
Travis: “Thank you for everything, chef, I really can’t thank you enough for this. It’s been the experience of a lifetime.”
Ramsay: “Thank you, Travis. Keep the jacket, you earned it, and keep your eyes and ears open, because the next voice on the phone could be mine. Please, take care, and get well soon.”
With that, Ramsay and Travis shook hands, and Travis exchanged a goodbye with his team as Ramsay opened the door for him.
Travis’ comment
“It’s so fucking hard to walk away from a competition that you know you could have won, for reasons completely out of your control. I pushed my body and mind to the limit in Hell’s Kitchen, and for whatever reason, my body just couldn’t handle it. I’d give anything to go back and change that one step, but it’s over now. I guess all I can do is try to ignore the what if’s and remember all the good that came from this…but dammit man, it’s a big “what if?” and it hurts. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t.”

With Travis’ tragic withdrawal, Ramsay announced that the man who just walked out of those doors was far from the weakest chef here, and that was why Ramsay announced that he was not done, and still needed to hear from the blue team.
Dramatic music
Ramsay asked Lauren for the blue team’s first nominee and why. Lauren announced that the team had unanimously voted for Grace, due to her attitude constantly bringing the team down and poor performance on garnish. Ramsay asked for the second nominee and why. Lauren hesitated, and announced that…the blue team had not been able to reach a consensus on the second nominee, as they were split between Carole and Melody. Ramsay was pissed, as he said even in the dorms, the blue team still couldn’t fucking communicate as a team. Finally though, he told Grace, Carole and Melody to all step forward, and started by asking Melody why she should stay in Hell’s Kitchen.
Melody: I’ve had some low points, chef, I fully admit that, but ever since I joined the blue team, I feel like I’ve just been getting stronger. I have confidence now that I didn’t have when I first got here. I know I’m a good chef, and I try my best to help the team whenever and however I can.”
Ramsay paused for a moment to consider her words, then said that he agreed completely, and sent her back in line, much to her relief as she shared a quick hug with Lauren. Ramsay then moved to Carole, asking her to explain why she was getting worse and less visible the longer the competition went on.
Carole: “Chef, I do feel like I get pushed around sometimes by my team-”
Ramsay: “Well push back then! For god’s sake, young lady. You have to act like you want this!”
Carole: “I do want this, chef! I want to be the head chef of Gordon Ramsay Steak, I know I have the experience and the talent to run it, I just need to start showing you.”
Ramsay said she needed to start showing him weeks ago, and he was running out of patience. Finally, he moved on to Grace, asking her really, truly, why she should stay in Hell’s Kitchen when her team was desperate to get rid of her?
Grace: “Well chef, I think the reason they’re so desperate is because they know I’m strong, I have leadership qualities, and they want to get rid of the competition. I think it’s as simple as that.”
Ramsay said he was getting tired of all the bullshit in the blue team, and demanded to know when she was going to start talking to her teammates. Grace responded that if they gave her a chance to lead, he would see just how talented she was.
Ramsay sighed in frustration, as he said that both of them deserved to go home on the back of tonight’s performance, but with that said…
Ramsay: “My decision is…”

Ramsay: “Carole.”
Elimination music
Ramsay: “You’ve gone invisible, it’s like the competition is too big for you. But…I know you can cook, that’s why I’m giving you another chance. I need to start seeing some leadership, I need to hear your voice. Get back in line.”
Dramatic music
As Carole gratefully returned to the blue team, Ramsay turned to Grace.
Ramsay: “Step forward, young lady, and listen very carefully to me…This. Is. It. No more bullshit, show me that you can work with your team, or get out of here. Back in line.”
Ramsay confirmed that no one else was going home tonight, as he said both Carole and Grace were very lucky that Travis had been unable to continue, and told them to take advantage of this second chance and show him something in the next service. With that, he told everyone to get back to the dorms and get some sleep.
As the chefs exited, several of them had confessionals. Lauren said it sucked that they had lost Travis instead of Grace, as their team was now much worse off. Grace said that she was still here and all these bitches better watch out, because she was going to outlast them one by one. Thomas said that the blue team was a clusterfuck as long as Grace was there, and while he felt sorry for Lauren, it shouldn’t be too difficult for the red team to rack up some wins. Faye said it was devastating to see Travis go out the way he did, and it just went to show how quickly it could all end.
Placement
https://preview.redd.it/vavpr72whuzc1.png?width=2511&format=png&auto=webp&s=4df58b9489a9874a7275e748d1589aae9e688cd3

Hello Friends,
I'm seeking advice and objective feedback. Sorry for the long paragraphs, just want to include as much detail as possible
To provide some background, I'm an American about to turn 34 and I am well traveled . I have taken 3 long term backpacking trips to South/SE Asia (ranging from 3-10 months) over the last 5-6 years and was fortunate to work/ live remotely in Latin America for 1.5 years during the whole covid remote work era so life has been nice. I got back to NY from my 3rd backpacking trip 5 months ago and since then I have felt a little directionless. I originally got laid off from a sales type role in Feb '23 while in Ecuador and traveled around since 2024 (even though I got laid off it was "part of the plan"). I have been applying for jobs but I feel my heart isnt in it and I don’t think I even want to return to the corporate world/lifestyle. I’m sick of the hypocrisy and fakeness around the office and dont want to sit infront of a computer all day. On top of that, the prices and cost of everything in the USA is sickening as well so I don't want to be here lol. All I think about is getting back out there driving motorbikes around SE Asia and exploring remote beautiful places but I’m receiving pushback from family and others that I should “get back to work”. I still have some money saved (but never know how much is really enough) at my age) but I’m really torn on what my next move should be so I’m seeking some objective advice.
I feel my gut (maybe my intuition?) is saying fuck it and just go for it.. but then logic comes back to me saying I should save money for retirement, maybe settle down and find a girlfriend? Also I’m told the longer I’m unemployed the harder it will be to find a job (maybe?). Another thing to mention is that I’m not even that happy I’m back in the USA.. things arent the same with friends anymore and I find the typical American working life so mundane and unfulfilling. I feel the only reason why I keep coming back is because of family and the fact they constantly guilt trip me when I'm away. Even when I was in the USA I still only saw family less than a few times per year bc we live apart
In a perfect world I just wanna travel, do adventurous things, live a stress free life, and hope things just work out. I thought about maybe teaching english in Vietnam, maybe trying to open up a hostel/co-work/hotel/ restaurant down the line maybe (even though I have no knowledge on how.. ), and hopefully along the way I fall in love with somebody lol.
Am I living in fantasyland with this perspective? Should I suck it up, find a job, and leave the solo travel life behind me at this stage of my life ? If I do decide to go and try to make things work abroad, will I end up regretting not being around my aging parents? these are the sort of things going through my mind..

This chapter took a long time to get out. Life has me super busy. Two jobs, married, two kids, still sober. I like how this turned out, however, someone new stole the show this time. As always, leave feedback, I appreciate it so very much.
[FIRST] [DELETED SCENES] [PREVIOUS]
~ ~ ~
As I reentered my true body without recieving a mending, the vicious wounds I endured manifested into being as I reactualized into my true Self. Through the pain, I couldn't help but think on Raver's words to me.
"The doors have to be closed."
~ ~ ~
Without recieving a mending in Raver's Dreamtime bubble, reactualization was a fucking bitch. I Perceived my Self as having quite the damaged form, my Soul was fucked over by bombardment from dreadlight and my physical body simply disagreed with it all, stating that I was mostly whole and intact, only being damaged by wounds I had already endured. The three parts had an argument of a sort amongst themselves and with the power of the Dreamtime, reached a tortuous compromise.
I'm certain I seizured and blacked out through the process.
I awoke with my body shaking and covered in a cold sweat, Tsula and Luna above me, chanting in the secret language of their esoteric Traditions. The two of them each held diffetent tools required for their cultural and subtle manipulation of reality. Soft hands, awash with mana and glowing tattoos, were placed on my chest, right where my heart was. Cold, icy fingers cradled my soul protectively, keeping it connected to my body in the here and now as harsh, physical laws rent my form.
I was paying the price for Raver's hubris, and I had almost overdrafted. Thoughts of mortal over reach faded from my mind as I slipped into cool and soothing darkness.
Cold and bloodied fingers were pressed against my chest and did little to assuage the burning ache that was my soul. I couldn't focus on anything else as I gazed at the hollowed out body of my beloved. She had been beautiful, gorgeous even, and due to give birth to our daughter in two weeks. Now, the... dead thing in front of me could barely be defined as a corpse. Her skin had been peeled away like a banana and her insides removed, leaving a bloodied, hollow space. The flesh and bones had been scooped away like ice cream, leaving little in the way of remains. Our unborn child had been pulled out and repurposed with the stolen parts of her mother by dreadlight and a mage's fell Will to form the body of a Thing.
With silent tears streaming down my face, I placed the ring I had proposed to her with and put it onto my finger, next to my plain tungsten one. The simple act of removing it almost caused what remained of her hand to simply fall apart in my fingers. I'm not sure how long I stayed like that. I couldn't even hold her body against mine for fear of it crumbling away into a vile mess. I ignored what was going on around me as I kneeled in the spent summoning circle.
The world around me split and rent itself into distorted imagery, as though I were looking at everything from under a pool with gentle waves. Some parts were compressed together and others were stretched out, not quite like a mirror maze as the world was still simply one cohesive image. Additionally, things seemed closer or further in ways that defied conventional Euclidean geometries. The only area not affected by this blatant disregard of spatial dimensions, had been myself and a scant few feet around me.
What...?
A heavy thud broke me out of my thoughts and I saw my Father landing next to me. Since both of us had been prepared, he was wearing, much like myself, full motorcycle safety gear. It had been enchanted and bolstered by hidden runes and severed Will, turning everything into protective objects that even defended against potent and offensive mysticism. The equipment in question had been chosen for its sheer mundanity and ease of access, letting the powerful enchancements skirt around the Lie and Consensus leaving the magic fully intact and potent.
"Alistair," I heard my Father say to me with grim calm as he twisted the space in front of us into a right angle, redirecting rapid gunfire, "I can't do this alone."
I remained silent.
"Damnit, Son," he growled out then literally kicked my ass with his heavy boot, almost knocking me over onto my side, "get a hold of yourself, Its here now. You handle the mages."
That got me going. I finally got up, my grief was as a lead weight and prevented me from doing what was needed. With a last look at C'Leena's hollowed out corpse, I grit my teeth, steeled my nerves and called forth my magic from the Aether.
Was I dreaming? No, worse, I was in a memory...
"Stay out of my way and watch yourself," Father said to me, "I can't pull my punches against that."
"Gotcha," I replied almost absently and turned to face the assembled shadow mages. They had inexplicably stopped theit gunfire to admire the Thing they brought into existence from Somewhere.
I couldn't help but stare, either.
Standing on top of the northernmost anchor stone, an ugly, multi-faceted block of copper with glyphs and sigils harshly hewn into it, was a naked woman. The glyphs themselves were hard to look at, as though their mere presence were an affront to reality itself, which they were. The woman's skin was a darkened olive tone and she was tall as well as athletic, lithe and fit. Her shoulder length black hair was bushy and curly, flowing about her head almost like an afro. As she ran her hands down her body, I could not help but notice that everything was oddly symmetrical and too perfect. It was unnerving me greatly and triggered an uncanny valley response that tore at my heart.
The body this Thing was wearing had belonged to my fiancée.
Father didn't let It have time to get acclimated. Sidestepping forwards, he drew upon the full capabilities of his Path, eyes backlit by stars, an impossible physical sword of abstract spatial geometries held in his left hand, and a reality defying, super-dense distortion held in his right.
The world contorted and screamed under his might.
I awoke with a start and a low groan, glad to be awake and free of that horrid nightmare again. Not for the first time, I wished I had that motorcycle gear still. I had been far too reckless then and immediately thereafter, and everything had been damaged beyond repair. I could never find anyone I trusted enough to make those enchantments anyways. Farnsworth could only enhance the mundane qualities as he didn't know enough about mana warding to permanently imbue the protections I wanted nor needed for my line of active field work.
Looking around, I saw Rue asleep on the other side of the bed and Spades was nestled between us, his massive form making a visible dip in the mattress. The big monster dog was on his back, legs splayed open and snoring loudly with his tongue hanging out of his muzzle. I was reminded a lot of my Lola when she had still been around in the flesh, making me smile with old and pleasant memories. I must have been out for some time for Spades to be here.
A quick, almost reflexive, mental orison told me everything I already suspected. My mana reserves were shot, my body had been through the ringer and my soul was frayed and burnt. While I knew I owed my continued existence to Raver and her godsend, I also knew it had taken a great and terrible toll on my Self. Miracles like that usually held some kind of hidden cost, even if they weren't readily apparent.
Getting off the bed slowly, I began to look for my pack. It took far longer than than usual as I had to steady myself quite a bit from the spinning room. I managed to be quiet, however, and didn't wake up Rue nor Spades. Finally in the shower, after some time and using the wall to support myself, I let the almost scalding water roll over my aching body. The pendant on my neck protecting me from recieving any burns or aggravating the injuries I had, both old and new.
With the hot water soothing aching muscles, I began to think and take stock of my situation. I had never been on the back foot like this, low on any kind of resource, having few allies, and being pressed for time. It was like something out of a bad novel or shitty indie Steam(R) game. Though, real life was often stranger than fiction and had no real need for a logical cause and effect dynamic. If this was going to become the norm, then I had to find another method of approaching my wendigo problem.
I was simply running out of time.
After some long moments of thinking, I began to wash my hair, using the guest products on the corner caddy. They were so much nicer than anything I would have willingly bought and made me seriously consider changing up my usual shampoo. The only idea I could come up with regarding those wendigos, besides an overwhelming frontal assault, was to appeal to their bottomless gluttony and barter for passage.
I resigned myself to actually try to negotiate with their clan leader, leveraging their horrid taboos against them to get what I needed.
Wendigos, unlike most strange cryptids, vampires and were-folk aside, had a lot of things known about them, especially how they powered their supernatural capabilities. It was a simple and rather straightforward process, the more heinous the act, the more mana they drew from it. Cannibalism, sacrilege, incest, murder, torture, hedonistic gluttony, or any number of other terrible and minor sins. As well as general lawbreaking and felonies, oftentimes combined to have as many as possible occur in the same sitting.
I audibly gasped with a sudden epiphany.
My fate had already been decided, by myself no less. In a bar I couldn't remember the name of, when I had been gazing into my bronze coin, I saw what I needed to do. I had to gift what measly scrap of knowledge I understood from Beyond the Infinite to those creatures. To let those wendigos defile and mutilate such sacred and pure knowledge to whatever whims their baleful minds could come up with.
"Fuck," was the only thing I could whisper at the thought of it all as I turned off the water, getting out of the shower. I cooled the bathroom down with but a thought and wiped away the condensation on the mirror with a towel that wasn't my own, finally getting a good look at myself without vertigo, as that had finally passed.
I looked like shit, and that was a compliment. Huge, fist shaped bruises of black, green and yellow littered my torso, though most were located on my left side and blurred together into an ugly shapeless mass. The ones on my right, however, were well defined and I could easily count the number of strikes. My face held a swollen black eye, I never noticed my diminished field of vision as I had gotten used to having them over the years. Turning gingerly and opening the mirror a bit so I could see my back, I grimaced. It was another spiderweb of a bruise, earned from when I had been smashed against the edge of Raver's Dreamtime bubble.
At least none of my fingers were broken, only very stiff and swollen, just like the rest of me. I probably couldn't drive for another day or so, either, not with my hands the way they were. As I looked, surprised I hadn't noticed earlier, the inside of my right hand was, branded. The skin, while fully healed, held the symbolic glyph that heralded the Path of Stars. A circle with nine curved lines inside it. Each line only intersected two others, but with the irregular placement of them, I could trace an intersection to any other one. In each of the open spaces, slightly off center, as a simple dot.
"Miracles leave their marks," I muttered to myself, almost disbelieving the literalness of the phrase.
I didn't bother drying off and struggled a bit getting into the clothes I brought with me, maroon athletic shorts and a black tank top. Exiting the guest bathroom, I thought about where I wanted to go. Settling on a destination, I went into the backyard, found a patch of grass in the shaded, morning sunlight and lay down. The grass was thick and rather soft, and the smell of the lemon tree and the garden was more pleasant and fragrant than they should have been.
Warding myself against dreaming, I pulled on the principles of the Aether, specifically, those of sun and storms. Since the Aether was a realm of energy and mana in all of its varying forms, I employed an advanced technique, a mysterion. It was something only able to be done by those that actually hailed from the Aether rather than having mastery over it. Pulling some of the sunlight and ambient warmth into my form, I converted measly scraps of energy directly into mana. The process was slow, and almost hardly worth the effort. It was like filling a bathtub with water, a single milliliter at a time.
Mana was now such a rare commodity, every miniscule drop of it mattered.
I settled in and entered a trance-like state, most of my attention devoted to my mysterion, though some of it was allowed to drift off elsewhere. While not exactly a dream, and while maintaining my mana draw, my mind conjured up nonsensical imagery and conversations between myself and others. I didn't pay them any attention as my thoughts wandered and drifted idly.
"I thought I'd find you out here," Rue said as I heard her sit down next to me. I didn't hear her walking, however, she continued to speak, "you've been asleep for a few days. What happened?"
"Got fucked," I replied easily, a little sarcastically as well. "Truthfully," I amended, "I got summoned by Raver. She pulled a shenanigan with Fate to let her have a waking dream."
"So she was hallucinating?" Rue stated, though it was more of a question.
"Damned straight," I confirmed, "she had Sasquatch and Farnsworth make something for her. It had to have been lethal, something like that. Anyways, we were talking and then one of Them showed up. Inside the Dreamtime bubble of hers. Found Raver's luminescence despite Mirzam hiding it."
"Shit. So It was physically there? That means It had a stolen body..." Rue said, trailing off.
"Yeah, it had a body alright," I almost growled out, "broke Raver's ritual with little effort. I spent everything I had to make a patch job just to keep it active, burned through all my mana, too. I did not want to be dispersed."
"I see," Rue said to me with understanding, "I wouldn't want to have to find my physical body without a tether either." There was a small pause before she spoke again, "So what happened next?"
"I made it mad with insults to buy time for the repaired shenanigan to stabilize Raver."
"What do you mean?" Rue asked as I heard her stretch out a bit, my eyes still closed.
"Her shenanigan was woven in such a way that whatever drug Sasquatch and Farnsworth made for her didn't just kill her," I answered with a pause then continued, "it let her do things beyond normality, anyways, my fucked up patch job let me tell Sasquatch that Raver had to stay dreaming."
"So he wouldn't just purge the elixir out of her," Rue stated, then added perhaps a tad bit defensively, "I know some things from other paths, not much, but some."
"That's good," I answered back, "knowledge is power."
"With us, it's quite literal."
I murmured in assent.
"So why did you make It mad?" Rue asked, "wouldn't It just draw strength from human emotions, especially in the Dreamtime?"
"It did," I answered back, "but It couldn't act properly on them, like human emotions were new and novel. The whole encounter was sloppy after a certain point, but I did almost die. Raver saved me, gave me a miracle."
"I saw," Rue said simply, "the mark on your hand was a giveaway."
I could only murmur in agreement again then asked, "Did you find a card in my hands, too?"
"I did," Rue replied after a few moments of silence, "it was debit card, with a note attached to it."
"From Procyon, right?"
It took a few moments for her to answer. "Yes, it was from Procyon," she took a breath and continued with wavering effort, "that damned bastard had it all planned out. Wrote a fucked up letter to me on a Google(TM) doc telling me not to worry and that this had always been his exit plan."
"Sounds like he knew what was going to happen," was all I could say.
"Yes, but, I miss him!" Rue all but snarled at me, then, in a small and quiet voice, whispered, "He was my best friend, and maybe we could've been more, y'know? Now... there's... There's just nothing, only memories of him left to mourn."
"I didn't know," I answered simply.
Rue spoke with a wavering breath before continuing, her thoughts more than a little disjointed, "a lot of what he wrote was personal, so I won't get into that, but he was certain that something catastrophic was going to happen to him and myself. So he made sure that I was at my secondary home, recovering from a job. I had just completed a mission from Raver and Mirzam, and was going to perform a ritual to patch up Spades after I got some sleep. Procyon also stated that someone has been altering things for a very long time."
"So that's why you were caught with yout pants down," I said, "you didn't even have time to recover." I paused, adjusting my mysterion as I had to refocus due to our conversation, "what did they have you do?"
"Some hedge wizards actually got a hold of an actual necromancy grimoire and charged mana tools in a graveyard," Rue said with a bit of a tired sigh, "they knew exactly what they were doing, and would have been rather powerful shadow mages if they had been capable of using starlight."
"Fuck," was all I could say, then formed an actual response after a few moments, "that shouldn't have been an issue for you. Hedges don't have our capability, though numbers may have evened out their odds."
"You're right, but they brought a spirit back before I could stop them," Rue answered with more than a little spite, "a real nasty piece of shit, too. Turned on the hedges, absorbed them, and put up a real mean fight against Spades and I. It was touch and go for a long time and I was actually fearful for my life, too."
"You won, though."
"Yeah, managed to send it kicking and screaming back to the Pit, exhausted most of my mana to do so. Fucking bastard."
There was a small silence between us as Rue became lost in her own thoughts. It was a while before I asked her, "Can you elaborate on what Procyon said about Fate being altered?"
"I can, actually, though it's a bit difficult since I'm not even a novice with the Path of Stars," Rue answered as I heard her shift a bit on the grass next to me. She paused as she seemingly collected her thoughts, "it's just that certain events were made to happen sooner or later. The big one, for our Node at least, was that you were always supposed to make your ancestral home translocate. It happened sooner than it should have."
"Fuck," I said, "So I wasn't supposed to send it away a few days ago?"
"No, that was supposed to happen after our wendigo thing, if the letter is to be believed."
"Fuck," was all I could say, "I do suppose that was a snap decision, I really didn't want Them to get a hold of anything inside. If I had been able to wait, or even had help, I'm sure I wouldn't have lost it to time and space."
"Exactly," Rue said with bitter excitement, "and we'd have access to everything in it. Losing your home was a big blow to our Node."
"Yeah, but at least They don't have it," I answered more spitefully than intended.
"Silver linings and all that, right?"
"Yeah, gotta look at the bright side, no matter how bleak," I answered back with a bit of sarcastic mirth, then said as I stretched a bit, readjusting my focus on my mysterion as well, "speaking of wendigos, I know what we need to do to solve that."
"Oh? Do tell, I couldn't come up with anything myself, kept running into dead ends," she said, then added, "lack of resources and help."
"Well, I don't think you're going to like it, I'm not sure I like it either."
"Don't keep me waiting," Rue said to me with a bit of sarcastic exasperation. I could sense her looking at me even though my eyes were still closed.
"I'm going to leverage their taboos against them, appeal to their insatiable greed and offer them what little I can understand of That Which Lies Beyond the Infinite." I sighed and added, "after all, how could they resist the allure of new magic?"
"You're right," she answered, "I definitely don't like it. I'm pretty sure it's not even wise to do so."
"Wise or not, it's the only way forward, I even saw it in a vision when I was manipulating fate magic."
"Have you talked to Mirzam or Raver about this vision of yours?"
"No, not yet, and I'm pretty sure I don't need to."
There was a bit of silence between us as she digested my words. I felt compelled to elaborate as I adjusted my mysterion again, losing a bit of my focus due to the depth of the conversation we were having.
"Acrux," I said, getting her attention fully by using the name of her star, "there's something you need to understand." I sat up, abandoning my mysterion in favor of giving her my full attention. Blinking a bit at the rise of light and warmth, I continued my thought process, "in the Dreamtime, the Thing I was fighting against, It was surprised and enraged that I was able to call upon knowledge that Lay Beyond the Infinite. Whatever those glyphs and powers are, They never wanted humans to know of them, let alone have them."
"Yet you want to give such power to wendigos of all things."
"At least the knowledge, corrupted or not, will still be on Earth," I said then added, "I'm not sure what you remember, but I know you've seen something from Beyond the Infinite. Your self revival and Spade's new form are proof of that. I was there, guided by Oracle. I Perceived something unknowable, something terrible, something no mortal has any right to gaze upon. Something I can hardly even begin to try to put into words. Raver Perceived it, too. It's how she managed to give me a godsend. So, what did you Perceive, really?"
Rue brought her knees up to her chest, thinking deeply. I could tell she was using her Perception to look inwards upon her Self. I waited patiently while she struggled to look at her soul's reflection against her mind and struggled even more to put the image there into words.
At long last, she spoke, her eyes still closed as she did so, "I'm not sure what I saw, there was too much, and I felt so small. Insignificant. Less than even a dismissed, intrusive thought. There is one thing I do remember. A doorway made of the might from two universes worth of truths and laws. A Thing was trying ro break through, but couldn't, not fully, yet the doors were opened, letting smaller ones through."
"The Doors have to be closed," I said, quoting Raver, before continuing, "that's what Raver said to me, before she sent me back to my body."
"Why didn't they mend you then?"
"They were being attacked in the waking world, too. It was a good plan on Their part, They just didn't expect us to put up so much of a fight."
"They never do, though I think that's changing."
"So that's our endgame, not sure how we're going to do it," I said, bringing the conversation back to topic, "at the moment, however, I'm going to eat a few of those mana-stuffed protein bars and fix your leg. I can't keep spending mana to be able to drive your truck. You'll have to use your own mysterion to get mana, too."
"I hate my Path's mysterions," the venom in her voice was palpable.
Before I could say anything, the backdoor opened, revealing Luna. She was wearing a bird-patterned sundress and her hair had been tied back into a loose ponytail. She put her hand over her eyes to shade them from the sun as she squinted against the brightness relative to that from inside.
"Hey, you two," she called out, "Grandmother says she needs to talk yo you."
"Alright," I called out, shakily getting up to my feet with a bit of a grunt. Everything still hurt. Rue had a bit of trouble as well, her leg was not recieving the rest and healing it deserved and needed.
"We're a mess, aren't we?" Rue asked aloud as we began to walk towards the bak door.
"Yeah, but you should see the other guys," I replied with a light chuckle, only to wince and hold my sides, "I forgot how much laughing hurts with fractured ribs."
"I really don't envy you right now," Rue said with a bit of a smirk as we entered Tsula's home, Rue entering first. "I wonder what Tsula wants to talk to us about?" Rue asked aloud, not really talking to anyone in particular.
I could only wonder as we followed Luna to the living room, the house pleasantly cool due to central air conditioning.
~ ~ ~
The moon was not in the sky, and I greatly enjoyed not having to endure the accursed, purifying light of day reflected by its surface, even if greatly diminished. The loathsome wound in my side had been a mortal blow, burning through my toughened flesh and form with unnerving ease and stunning, blinding pain. Once more, I looked at the oily, thin, and black ichor that dripped from my fingers, more human-like than I was comfortable with.
The mote of dreadlight I had recieved for my services had been the only thing that had kept me from vanishing entirely. Mortal alchemy -- science -- had advanced to such a degree so as to emulate the harsh light of day far too remarkably well. That hadn't been the worst part, that damned thaumaturgist had ensorcelled a curse upon the weapon as well. With effort, as the bulk of my power was directed at repairing the oozing wound, I altered my form and shape, struggling to maintain the illusion as I walked out onto the sidewalk from a side alley.
My contract was not yet completed.
The first two nights I had hidden myself away in the dark depths, raging against the oblivion that threatened to overtake me and ending my existence. The preparedness of the thaumaturgist had been unexpected, as well as the skill and the knowledge he had wielded so effortlessly. Without my guidance, nor presence, to instill fear into the gifted abetters, the wraiths I had gathered with me fell and fled into the night, abandoning their duties and contracts.
I would have never made this mistake against the herald of the bear.
Had I known the name of the mortal's star I had been tasked against, I would have demanded more than a simple mote of dreadlight and a paltry handful of coerced allies. Realistically, I should be grateful that I still had a kind of semi-existence. Quelling my anger and hatred, and swallowing my utter revulsion, my form rippled and took the guise of a tall, middle-aged human male in a common and unremarkable suit carrying an old and worn briefcase.
The artificial illumination around me flickered, emitting a grating hum in my presence and the thin television flickered oddly as it tried to display my image, failing to accurately do so. While tracking Arcturus's quintessence had been a bit of a task, as far too much time had passed, my familiarity with it granted me an advantage that overcame that difficulty. Traveling in my wounded state, however, had been much more arduous. Looking the woman at the reception desk over, I took on my role with hiden revulsion, aided by the illusion I was conjuring and the mimicry of my physical form.
"I'm detective Aiden Roth, and I'm looking for someone. I believe that he was here a few nights ago, definitely this past week," I said. My false, human voice had been made to sound smooth, suave and strong, interlaced with a suggestion, using what little forte I could spare. I put the worn and well-used briefcase I had conjured with me onto the counter with a heavy thud, using more of my forte to emulate such a simple thing. Opening it up, I fished out an image and showed the slightly grainy, black and white picture to the receptionist.
As the woman perused the conjured image, I could not help but hiss, my hand going to my side as I expended more of my forte than I had anticipated. The cursed wound fighting back fiercely against the dreadlight tethering my existence and life. I held my disguise with willpower of monumental proportions. A strength of will I rarely had been pressed to draw from.
Seeing the concerned look the woman gave me, I simply stated, shrugging off the pain with yet more expenditure of will, "An old injury, it flares up from time to time. No matter, have you seen this individual?"
"I'm going to need to see some kind of badge or warrant," the woman said with a genuine smile, "sorry."
The fear of losing her menial job overpowered my subtle suggestion. Unfortunate.
"Sure," I replied with a fake and well ptacticed, fetching smile, adjusting my forte to include another suggestion. I showed an actual badge with my assumed name and likeness. The mortal I was impersonating had been slain many years ago by my own hands, and the subtle illusion taking hardly any of my forte adjusted the dates and design of the badge to whatever was current.
Only a thaumaturgist, or a very particularly skilled sorcerer, could pierce the illusion. Against this mortal, there was no chance of resistance and she accepted the stolen badge without question.
She looked it over, as if trying to divine the legitimacy of it. "Okay," she finally admitted, "he was here a while ago, maybe a four or five days? I remember, 'cause I tried to flirt with him..."
I ignored her prattling and asked when she finished speaking, "Can you show me the room he used?"
"Sure, but it's been cleaned a few times since then."
With a nod, I let her lead the way to the room in question, staying silent. The lights around me flickered and hummed loudly in my presence. Had the woman been more observant, she could have seen my true shadow as I had not the forte to expend to hide it entirely from the ever changing lights. She opened the room in question, using what I could only assume was a master key card.
I immediately recognized the faded auras of quintessence.
"This will do," I stated, closing the door behind me and dropping my revolting disguise, using my forte to lock it.
I revealed my true form. My legs and arms lengthened and thinned, the black suit and red tie I was wearing became my skin, armor and form. My face and eyes became blank, gaunt and sunken, skin stretching out over it. The wound in my side made itself visible, it was an ugly red, peeling and oozing burn from my shoulder to my waist and took up most of my torso. The dreadlight I was using to prevent my oblivion illuminated the wound with a kind of sickly, crimson colored backlight. Black ichor oozed out from it and dripped onto the floor as I used the bulk of my forte to ablate the caustic, foreign quintessence from my form.
The woman looked at me as even her pitifully dull, mundane human senses told her that there was incredible danger in the room with her. She screeched and irrationally ran towards the bathroom as my presence became impossibly tall in the very finite space in the motel room. Using the smallest iota of my forte, I remotely smashed her fleeing form against a wall, pinning her there with unseen force as she begged, and sobbed for her pitiful life.
I ignored her for the moment.
Drawing upon more of my forte, freed up as I no longer needed a disguise, I sensed out where quintessence had been used, discovering two places, the bed and a wall. Imbuing the wall with my own forte, I witnessed a spectral, moving image of Arcturus throwing five darts at a map placed on the wall, one at a time, then draw intersecting lines to a single point on the map.
"Wendigos..." I hissed out in loathing, the skin on my face stretching and contorting with the movement as i spoke aloud with a nonexistent mouth. Even I knew their territory.
Turning to the second source of quintessence, I did the same thing. I saw Arcturus ward himself against dreaming and then hold a brilliant shield in the air, as well as a ball of fire. My knowledge of actual thaumaturgy told me that I would have great difficulties against those Knowings. I put the mystery of his Dreamtime excursion out of my mind for now, there was nothing I could do regarding that.
My expenditure of forte caused my horrid wound to pulse against my form painfully. With a hiss, I turned to the woman meekly begging me to spare her life as she was still pinned against the wall. I could use a thrall, especially as I could no longer gain allies, not without offering something in return to my current contract holders.
That was not a barter I wanted to engage in.
"Please... don't kill me... please... I'll do anything... please..."
The absolute terror in her eyes was delectable. Her fear invigorated me with energy and reminded me I needed to feed. However, the morsels offered by her would be more than sufficient for my needs. I dragged my left hand across my oozing wound, covering it in my own essence then flexed my forte. The clothes she was wearing split in half down the middle, revealing her naked form, making her shriek. I could see the ideas her panicked mind vomited forth as she renewed her struggles with vigor.
What I had in mind was so much worse than the mundane taking of her physical body she expected.
Using the full might of my forte, I lengthened and sharpened my index finger, the tip dripping with the gathered ichor of my essence. In an instant, less than the blink of an eye, I appeared in front of her from where I had been by the bed and plunged the very tip of my sharpened, needle-like nail into the center of her heart, cutting through the most sensitive parts of her breast to do so due to the angle I had chosen for just this purpose. As I let my ichor suffuse her body with each beat of her racing heart, her vascular system visibly turning black under her skin as she screamed and writhed in agony, an odd thing happened.
What could only be considered my blood had been tainted by thaumaturgy qnr bolstered by dreadlight as well as my own forte. As it mixed with the blank canvas of the mortal in front of me, I could sense the candle of her soul. Reaching out with dreadlight, letting the wound burn my side with a hiss of inhaled breath, I ignited it with three kinds of mysticism.
A horrified realization overcame her as she knew I had fundamentally altered her to suit my whims. Having a thaumaturgist thrall would be a great boon.
"You'll do quite nicely," I said with an actual grin, the skin stretched over my mouth revealing impossibly large, gleaming flat teeth, as I watched the physical and mystical changes taking place.
My new thrall would never be human again.
I feasted on her terror, anguish and torment.
It was delicious.
~ ~ ~
Arcturus and Acrux will be back. C'Leena Thomas, Prosthetist is going to be my next update.
[[NEXT]]

Now we're getting somewhere! Since things turned intimate and exciting last week, I'm sure we're ready for the finale of... wait, my producer is updating me... it seems there will be twelve more episodes after this one. So, uh, no, we are not remotely done. I predict drama. Maybe some snake behavior. I'm looking in Ha Lam's general direction... Again, huge thanks to u/MidwesternLibrarian for authoring the first two On Air posts and permitting me to plagiarize liberally. Onward!
Episode 8 Link
Be Your Star playlist with trailer
Summary (from YouTube video description): Thien Bao and Dinh Huy accidentally met on a blind date when Huy was hired to be the lover of a girl who came to force Bao to refuse the arranged marriage between him and that girl. The meeting seemed like very terrible as Huy's plan, they thought they would never see each other again. Unfortunately, the CEO of company Huy applied to be an intern was Thien Bao. Nothing would have happened if Huy hadn't recorded a video of Ha Lam and Thien Bao being affectionate with each other. Moreover, Dinh Huy found out that Ha Lam is Thien Bao ex and that mean Thien Bao is gay. Because Lam is the boyfriend of Huy's best friend - Gia Hoa. Huy used this video to warn Bao that if he continues to interfere with Hoa's love, Huy will spread the news to the whole world. Because Bao wanted to keep the secret he was gay, Bao had to accept Huy to work for him, but to keep Huy’s mouth, Thien Bao sent Huy to work at his house. In fact, two people, two opposite personalities, combined with a bad first impression of each other stay at the same place, caused countless funny stories. At first, Bao just wanted to tease Huy because he knew Huy was a straight guy, but “First make friend, then make love” Bao gradually develops feelings for Huy., his whole body was full of wounds and now his heart...
MidwesternLibrarian's Summary/TLDR: Dinh Huy (aka Blondie) pretended to be the fake lover of Thien Boa's fiancee so she could get out of an arranged marriage. Later Dinh Huy blackmails Thien Boa so he can get a job at Thien Boa's company. Thien Boa gives Dinh Huy a job...as his housekeeper.
Genres: comedy, soap opera-y?
Number of episodes: World of BL says that there will be 20 episodes.
Runtime: 33-39 minutes, depending on the episode, except episode 2, which ran only 28 minutes.
MidwesternLibrarian's Notes: I'm pretty sure 02 Productions has made the most Vietnamese BL series so far, here are the playlists. Most are what I would call soap opera-y (evil wannabe girlfriends, love triangles, violence etc.) My favorite is a short movie called The Ring Goes Missing free to watch on YouTube (it is also on GagaOOLala). It has a sassy character who I love and is not soap opera-y.
Socials
Nguyễn Bá Vinh: Instagram X/Twitter Facebook YouTube TikTok
Hồ Đông Quan: Instagram Facebook TikTok
Duy Harry: Instagram Facebook
Previous On Air posts
Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7

So I’m not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this or not, but I am feeling extreme guilt right now. So let me preface by saying, I dated this said ex from ages 14-15. I’m 20 now, and let me just say most of my teenage years I struggled with behavioral issues and undiagnosed bipolar until I was 18. Our relationship was very infantile considering our age, but this man was very clearly in love and utterly infatuated with me. We had no problems really, but when we broke up things got really bad and I will admit I wasn’t the nicest person back then due to my own struggles.
This man started begging for me back, coming to my athletic games uninvited when we went to different schools, making fake numbers to text me off of, and continuously inviting me to family dinners. Let me preface by saying all I said to him was I needed a bit of space, and he blew it out of proportion which led me to fully breaking up with him and blocking him on social media for awhile. Maybe this makes me a horrible person, but at 15 years old, I felt as though our relationship was getting a little too grown and I enjoyed the idea of being free at such a young age. I wasn’t the best person, and I did lead him on for awhile after the breakup. I enjoyed the thought of him, but I didn’t want to be tied down to him if that makes sense.
Fast forward to when I’m 18, we end up rekindling and we do end up hooking up. He told me I was his first, and three years later, he still hasn’t found anyone else… This connection didn’t go very far but then he breaks down in front of me telling me how I ruined his perspective on love and how relationships to him are a waste of time. That broke my heart that I was so young and hurt him so deeply.
Well, now I’m 20 and I have been in a serious relationship since him where marriage and kids popped up however we decided to go our separate ways for the time being and I decided to send my ex one last apology and he tells me he still hasn’t been with anyone else and it feels like our relationship happened just yesterday… I’m just kind of like, it’s been 5 years dude? But then this agonizing feeling inside of me feels horrible.
Did I traumatize him from relationships for life? Will he ever truly move on? It’s been 5 years.

So I have been thinking about writing this for a some months now. I hear discipline in so many conversations, but people don't know what it actually is. I hear people saying: I need more discipline, or I don't have enough discipline, or I am trying to get more discipline. But it is incorrect, or it's extremely hard or impossible to get more disciplined.
Discipline is a way of thinking order. Discipline is a mentality where you always think of order. It is a mental state, a way of thinking order. With everything you do, you will do it in a tidy way with much order. You don't have to think "I am going to do this in a tidy way", because it happens automatically because it is your mentality. For example, I leave a room just like it was when I entered it. I do this without thinking, it happens automatically because it is a mental state.
Discipline is however not way of doing things. This is the part most don't understand. Disciplined mentality causes disciplined actions. In other words disciplined actions are a cause of disciplined mentality. For example I leave my room the same way it was before entering it. This is a cause of my mental state. It is not disciple in itself. Or for example when I use a tool, when I'm done I always put it back the way it was. This is again, not discipline itself, but a cause of discipline.
People who do not have discipline tend to leave stuff in a messy way. Through my life I have heard countless time this question: How often do you clean your room? I have honestly never understood that question and my answer is that I never clean my room. I don't need to. Because I leave it like it was. A person that has to clean his room is not disciplined. He does not leave it like it was and has to do a major clean up instead of doing minor clean-ups after being there each time (as a discipled person would do).
People do not know how to measure discipline. Since discipline is a way of thinking it is measured by the smallest actions. You measure discipline in how something is done and not what is done. It is best measured by the smallest actions and the smaller action, more more accurate respresentation you will get for the discipline. For example you can measure someone's discipline by how they clean the dishes. There are a million ways of cleaning a dish, but only a few disciplined. A discipled person maps out the plate and divides it into sections and stages. He would have a consistent technique and wash evenly the whole plate and wash every corner not leaving anything uncleaned. I remember when I was in food-making-class someone washed the table by simply rubbing it in the middle of the table in circles: That is not a disciplined person. You can't tell if a person is disciplined or not just by if he washes the dishes or not. However you can tell it if he does it in a tidy way or not.
Discipline is a mental state and that is why it is extremely hard or even impossible to change it. It is embeded deep in our brains. You can't get more disciplined by simply doing things more tidy. Because you are thinking about it, and a disciplined person gets it automatically. You can almost say that disciplined actions are a symptom of disciplined mentality. And by just doing the symptoms doesn't mean that you have discipline in itself. It's like when you have an illness you show symptoms, but if you don't have an illness you can still fake symptoms (such as many young people do to get free from school). The same thing happens to people who are trying to get more discipline. They are doing the cause of discipline not discipline in itself. They are in some ways faking discipline by doing disciplined actions and not having disciplined mentality. They are tricking themselves into believing that they have discipline. This can be scary because you will have people going around saying they have discipline but they don't know what they are talking about.
I have heard many conversations about discipline. Some days ago I was talking to someone who looks like he is insanely into self-improvement. He mentioned that he needed more discipline. In curiosity I asked what he was doing to get more disciplined. He answered "I am doing things I don't like." Discipline has nothing to do with pushing yourself or doing things you do not like.
What I am trying to say is that you cannot get more disciplined. It is a mental state embeded deep in our brains. It is measured best by the smallest actions. The smaller the action the more accurate the representation. I will gladly hear your guys' feedback! All comments are appreciated!

So I have been thinking about writing this for a some months now. I hear discipline in so many conversations, but people don't know what it actually is. I hear people saying: I need more discipline, or I don't have enough discipline, or I am trying to get more discipline. But it is incorrect, or it's extremely hard or impossible to get more disciplined.
Discipline is a way of thinking order. Discipline is a mentality where you always think of order. It is a mental state, a way of thinking order. With everything you do, you will do it in a tidy way with much order. You don't have to think "I am going to do this in a tidy way", because it happens automatically because it is your mentality. For example, I leave a room just like it was when I entered it. I do this without thinking, it happens automatically because it is a mental state.
Discipline is however not way of doing things. This is the part most don't understand. Disciplined mentality causes disciplined actions. In other words disciplined actions are a cause of disciplined mentality. For example I leave my room the same way it was before entering it. This is a cause of my mental state. It is not disciple in itself. Or for example when I use a tool, when I'm done I always put it back the way it was. This is again, not discipline itself, but a cause of discipline.
People who do not have discipline tend to leave stuff in a messy way. Through my life I have heard countless time this question: How often do you clean your room? I have honestly never understood that question and my answer is that I never clean my room. I don't need to. Because I leave it like it was. A person that has to clean his room is not disciplined. He does not leave it like it was and has to do a major clean up instead of doing minor clean-ups after being there each time (as a discipled person would do).
People do not know how to measure discipline. Since discipline is a way of thinking it is measured by the smallest actions. You measure discipline in how something is done and not what is done. It is best measured by the smallest actions and the smaller action, more more accurate respresentation you will get for the discipline. For example you can measure someone's discipline by how they clean the dishes. There are a million ways of cleaning a dish, but only a few disciplined. A discipled person maps out the plate and divides it into sections and stages. He would have a consistent technique and wash evenly the whole plate and wash every corner not leaving anything uncleaned. I remember when I was in food-making-class someone washed the table by simply rubbing it in the middle of the table in circles: That is not a disciplined person. You can't tell if a person is disciplined or not just by if he washes the dishes or not. However you can tell it if he does it in a tidy way or not.
Discipline is a mental state and that is why it is extremely hard or even impossible to change it. It is embeded deep in our brains. You can't get more disciplined by simply doing things more tidy. Because you are thinking about it, and a disciplined person gets it automatically. You can almost say that disciplined actions are a symptom of disciplined mentality. And by just doing the symptoms doesn't mean that you have discipline in itself. It's like when you have an illness you show symptoms, but if you don't have an illness you can still fake symptoms (such as many young people do to get free from school). The same thing happens to people who are trying to get more discipline. They are doing the cause of discipline not discipline in itself. They are in some ways faking discipline by doing disciplined actions and not having disciplined mentality. They are tricking themselves into believing that they have discipline. This can be scary because you will have people going around saying they have discipline but they don't know what they are talking about.
I have heard many conversations about discipline. Some days ago I was talking to someone who looks like he is insanely into self-improvement. He mentioned that he needed more discipline. In curiosity I asked what he was doing to get more disciplined. He answered "I am doing things I don't like." Discipline has nothing to do with pushing yourself or doing things you do not like.
What I am trying to say is that you cannot get more disciplined. It is a mental state embeded deep in our brains. It is measured best by the smallest actions. The smaller the action the more accurate the representation. I will gladly hear your guys' feedback! All comments are appreciated!

I received a probably too-good-to-be-true ad saying it was a warehouse sale for Joann Fabric with a lot of items that seemed completely legit if a warehouse was trying to empty out space. When I went to check out, the payment screen listed QVC at the top and the url turned into cdufhr.com, which doesn't have much for reviews. The company contact lists an address on "Fake Street" in the UK, which is a further red flag, but the policy page looks legit. I'm tempted to place an order for the minimum for free shipping, but I figured it check here first because a $25 serger or Glowforge seems pretty amazing.

Hi good day to you all! I hope this post finds you well and I approach with a humble request for insight and advice.
I've been writing for about 20 years and I have a really hard time sharing it/talking about it in general. However, I've been aiming to change that recently but I am concerned my self-importance is a little inflated.
So some background. The only writing I've shared publicly has been fanfiction, and it's been under a fake name, obviously. I have found great success and feedback in this realm. Over the years, collectively, my works spanning several fandoms have fostered well over a million reads. My comments/responses on works have always been overwhelmingly positive.
I have been inspired and moved lately by a few things. First, the book industry and writing industry seems to be booming, and it's booming in my area of expertise and success. The ACOTAR series is very in the same vein of my largest works in the fantasy fanfic area. Smutty, violent, angsty, etc.
Second, fanfiction to published fiction seems like a potential avenue for success. We are all familiar with the Fifty Shades lore originally being a fanfiction, as well as other popular works being fodder for movie deals and publishing power. A few questions I'm curious general input on:

• Am I crazy for thinking my works could be edited or rewritten to adjust for this market? I know my writing is sound but my concern is it's success was driven by the popularity of the existing characters and context. Most of my work engages with storylines outside of the 'canon' persay, and I craft original characters, but at it's core it's playing around with existing material. (Lots of AU/Headcanon work)
• I've re-written/adjusted one of my most popular works and spent hours reformatting it so the characters stand on their own, have differing contextual lives. However, I'm really curious if it translates. I'm in other forums where folks look for beta readers. Are beta readers brutally honest, or even a good method for feedback? I want genuine opinions on how the work stands on it's own and if it lights the fire I think it does.

Any initial thoughts, opinions, advice, feedback....etc... welcome. Feel free to call me crazy, too.

Hi all - I would like to share how I’m healing from MCAS and really making huge steps in decreasing symptoms. Please note that I’m not saying this works for everyone. But I’m really sure that many of you can benefit from what I’m about to write. Just as it has helped me and others (see links below).
I know there are people on this forum that say MCAS can’t be cured. They might be right. But I’m certainly on a path towards a 90% decrease of my symptoms. Maybe I can never fully heal, who knows. But my life has become MUCH better over the past months.
And I was a pretty bad case, reacting to many foods (especially with histamine), many supplements, to sunlight, to cold, to stress, to chemicals. I had gut issues, eczema, insomnia, feeling hungover every other day, pressure headaches, nausea and the list goes on. I was diagnosed with MCAS by the only expert in my country (the Netherlands), after not being taken serious my regular doctors for a long time. Now, I would say many of my symptoms have cleared or become much more tolerable.
I already posted here half a year ago, about managing symptoms through calming down the nervous system - thereby sending your body and brain signals of safety and starting to stabilize mast cells. I was onto something, but it was only a first step. Please see this previous post for an overview of useful relaxation techniques that are still helping me a lot on this healing journey. They will definitely help you too, if only in managing the stress that comes from MCAS and being misunderstood by basically everyone.
In addition to nervous system relaxation, I also saw a functional therapist who was understanding and helped me onboard new supplements and foods very slowly. Because I already used the above mentioned relaxation techniques, I was able to calm down my system enough to start taking (very slowly) low doses of B12, magnesium, vitamin c, curcumin, quercetin, spirulina, a detoxing supplement, and DAO. As well as expand my diet to increase gut health.
But here comes the key: what REALLY REALLY helped me was the Gupta Program. I’ve read some people here deriding it as a scam or fake. I’m sad that they feel that way, and maybe it’s not for everyone, but I feel the positive effects every day. And I know other people that experience the same. So I really beg you: please don’t be discouraged by the naysayers and keep reading.
The Gupta Program focusses on 1) calming the nervous system and more importantly 2) retraining the brain to not over-activate the immune system/mast cells when exposed to various triggers.
There are others who can explain much better than me why the program works so well for MCAS. So no matter whether you believe me or are still skeptical, I really encourage you to watch below interviews with two independent experts on chronic conditions/MCAS that I really rate very highly. Beth O’ Hara from Mastcell360.com and Joe Mather of the Ruscio Institute.
If you have spare time the coming days, PLEASE watch these interviews. It might just possibly be the most helpful thing you’ll do since a while.
1) Interview by Beth O’Hara of Mastcell360.com - https://youtu.be/GSD4QGQtJY8?si=WFRb99HCw_vj0D-6
2) Interview with Joe Mather of the Ruscio Institute - discussion about MCAS starts at 11:55 https://youtu.be/3UAMSIeohEg?si=ELtTCcMtExR7KPNQ
And these testimonials have also really helped me to stay motivated while doing the Gupta Program:
https://youtu.be/B70odA7-98I?si=74iVCRRQpoEwx8zi
https://youtu.be/9EyR9f6xlUE?si=Wpy8bhv68W-rFsKJ
https://youtu.be/SURj1CfkNPM?si=X5AQ34sp1MZAlllz
https://youtu.be/1mHcW0axQ-4?si=t0LIyducSELXB_DH
And for anyone wanting to talk with me about my experience, feel free to DM or hit me up in the comments. If you need help wrapping your head around how the Gupta Program relates to MCAS, I would also be open to video call, if my spare time and energy level permits.
Good luck 🌱❤️

Hi all - I would like to share how I’m healing from MCAS and really making huge steps in decreasing symptoms. Please note that I’m not saying this works for everyone. But I’m really sure that many of you can benefit from what I’m about to write. Just as it has helped me and others (see links below).
I know there are people on this forum that say MCAS can’t be cured. They might be right. But I’m certainly on a path towards a 90% decrease of my symptoms. Maybe I can never fully heal, who knows. But my life has become MUCH better over the past months.
And I was a pretty bad case, reacting to many foods (especially with histamine), many supplements, to sunlight, to cold, to stress, to chemicals. I had gut issues, eczema, insomnia, feeling hungover every other day, pressure headaches, nausea and the list goes on. I was diagnosed with MCAS by the only expert in my country (the Netherlands), after not being taken serious my regular doctors for a long time. Now, I would say many of my symptoms have cleared or become much more tolerable.
I already posted here half a year ago, about managing symptoms through calming down the nervous system - thereby sending your body and brain signals of safety and starting to stabilize mast cells. I was onto something, but it was only a first step. Please see this previous post for an overview of useful relaxation techniques that are still helping me a lot on this healing journey. They will definitely help you too, if only in managing the stress that comes from MCAS and being misunderstood by basically everyone.
In addition to nervous system relaxation, I also saw a functional therapist who was understanding and helped me onboard new supplements and foods very slowly. Because I already used the above mentioned relaxation techniques, I was able to calm down my system enough to start taking (very slowly) low doses of B12, magnesium, vitamin c, curcumin, quercetin, spirulina, a detoxing supplement, and DAO. As well as expand my diet to increase gut health.
But here comes the key: what REALLY REALLY helped me was the Gupta Program. I’ve read some people here deriding it as a scam or fake. I’m sad that they feel that way, and maybe it’s not for everyone, but I feel the positive effects every day. And I know other people that experience the same. So I really beg you: please don’t be discouraged by the naysayers and keep reading.
The Gupta Program focusses on 1) calming the nervous system and more importantly 2) retraining the brain to not over-activate the immune system/mast cells when exposed to various triggers.
There are others who can explain much better than me why the program works so well for MCAS. So no matter whether you believe me or are still skeptical, I really encourage you to watch below interviews with two independent experts on chronic conditions/MCAS that I really rate very highly. Beth O’ Hara from Mastcell360.com and Joe Mather of the Ruscio Institute.
If you have spare time the coming days, PLEASE watch these interviews. It might just possibly be the most helpful thing you’ll do since a while.
1) Interview by Beth O’Hara of Mastcell360.com - https://youtu.be/GSD4QGQtJY8?si=WFRb99HCw_vj0D-6
2) Interview with Joe Mather of the Ruscio Institute - discussion about MCAS starts at 11:55 https://youtu.be/3UAMSIeohEg?si=ELtTCcMtExR7KPNQ
And these testimonials have also really helped me to stay motivated while doing the Gupta Program:
https://youtu.be/B70odA7-98I?si=74iVCRRQpoEwx8zi
https://youtu.be/9EyR9f6xlUE?si=Wpy8bhv68W-rFsKJ
https://youtu.be/SURj1CfkNPM?si=X5AQ34sp1MZAlllz
https://youtu.be/1mHcW0axQ-4?si=t0LIyducSELXB_DH
And for anyone wanting to talk with me about my experience, feel free to DM or hit me up in the comments. If you need help wrapping your head around how the Gupta Program relates to MCAS, I would also be open to video call, if my spare time and energy level permits.
And on one final note: I recommended the program to several people in my family with long covid or CFS, and they’re also making big improvements. I wouldn’t be so enthousiastic in trying to convince you all about this program, if I wasn’t so sure that it helps.
Good luck! 🌱❤️

I saw this YouTube short where a son who has a small truck with thin wheels do a tug of war with his fathers giant pickup truck and WIN? I don’t understand how a vehicle that is so much smaller and weighs a lot less can win in a tug of war like that. Maybe it’s fake and I am just stupid if that’s the case feel free to make fun of me. If it’s real please explain thank you!
Here is the link