Anyone who has witnessed about the greatness of cold showers to others has probably experienced the stubborn prideful guy who brags that he will never listen to you and will only take steaming hot showers till the day he dies.
It just makes me feel bad for them. Missing out on something so good because they are so attached basking in steaming hot water on the daily. What I find is that hot showers aren't even that good. There's nothing very comfortable about heating up your body, but not uncomfortably either. Just meh. They're really sticking to mediocrity.
Beyond that, to actually brag about not doing something difficult? To simply admit it, sure, that's more understandable, but how diluted and deceived do you have to be to boast about the fact that you'll always make sure to avoid anything that could be out of your comfort zone or potentially disciplinary?
It really is just sad. It isn't even necessarily insufferable. It just makes me feel bad for them. But you can't help people who don't want to be helped. That's the key takeaway I suppose.

Earlier today we baked up some fries, and since they were done but I didn’t want them getting cold - I left the oven door open.
Some time later, I recognized that the clock and LCD weren’t working.
I’ve flipped off the breaker for a few minutes and flipped it back on - but still nothing shows on the display.
Is it possible that the front control panel got too hot? Is there want way to troubleshoot, force a reset, etc.?

I have an Aerogarden for herbs but it's not big enough for my needs. I have tried moving plants to outside patio containers but they usually die. We get snow until Mothers Day, then a hot summer which often scorches delicate plants, and it's cold again by Labor Day. Should I give up on outside herbs and just greatly expand my hydroponics in the garage? I have seen some pretty big hydro gardens. Or, what's the secret to outdoor herbs in Colorado?

(apologies in adv, I have no idea how to format and am on mobile)
hello! I always like to be listening to something so I am looking for some headphones that are pretty solid all around general use. I am currently using 3 different headphones for different use cases and would like to just get 1 nice one to downsize the amount of clutter I have (they are also all starting to crap out). They would be used for gaming, music prod, enjoying music, watching media. my priorities are gaming and music prod though. I also would like to prioritize comfort, and wireless would be super super nice too (understandable if not tho)
Budget - 200$ usd but can go a bit more if the increase is pretty justifiable
Source/Amp - just into my pcs motherboard or the direct monitor thing on the focusrite solo and bonus points If I can use it with my phone (usb-c and will need to get an adapter thingy if wired). my pc has Bluetooth but unsure about latency and the codec thing.
How the gear will be used - playing games (fps/story), music production (amateucasual), enjoying music during long commutes I practically have headphones or earbuds on ALL the time so I tend to run through gear pretty quickly, I also wear glasses if that's important! I don't care about active noise cancelling but if it has it I will use it.
Preferred tonal balance - I don't have a preference, what ever is objectively good for gaming and music prod (even though it's hard to do both, I understand) I am unsure if I prefer closed or open back, I think I've only tried semi-open and closed?
Preferred music genre(s) - I listen to a lot of stuff that is not really mixed properly I'm not even gonna lie so this part might not matter as much but, I'm into bedroom bop indie stuff, hyperpop and breakcore and mathrock and EDM. I enjoy picking through drums, guitar, sub-bass and synths. I also enjoy clear cutting vocals.
Past gear experience - (kind of long, maybe annoying so feel free to skip) massdrop akg white m220 - I don't super like the stock muffs, they get pretty hot for me after long use and are in general are a bit too big for my head since the I can't adjust the band any shorter, sound pretty flat and want something a bit more fun but these are the main headphones I use when I do any music prod. I don't like the wire, it's kinda rubbery and gets tangled easily. also the muffs r like super tough and stuff which doesn't feel that good.
hyperx cloud flight - I reallyyy liked the comfort on these headphones as they didn't really have much clamping force but the audio itself had a lot left to be desired in terms of bass punch and didn't really sound good for music listening. these were my favorite though simply coz I could use them forever w out fatigue. liked that it was wireless but was USB dongled so couldn't use wireless with my phone. the battery only lasts for 30 mins after charging and almost has no padding anymore so they don't get much use anymore.
razer black shark (V2?) - comfy but gets hotter than the hyperx ones, I think the bass is better than it too but still wasn't my favorite for listening. also only lasts for 30 mins after charging. also wireless which was nice but still USB dongle.
astro a40 - these sound the nicest to me for gaming but Jesus I get so much fatigue from wearing them and hate the wire sm. it's also kinda rubbery like the m220 and gets really tangled against other cables. currently using these but really not happy w them.
30$ IEM that has an anime girl on the box I forget but a lot of rhythem game players recommend. this is the worse offender of cable tangle and I just rather not deal with them most of the time. prefer headphones to in ears too because they can get hot/sweaty over long periods. they sound very nice tho but they r the only IEMs ive tried so far.
pixel bud-A - I like these a lot but also not ideal for long period of times. I enjoy how seemless they connect to my phone/pc but these r abyssmal for gaming and I use them solely for music during commute. I like the audio but am missing a lot of the mids.
Sony wxm4 - these are soo nice but I am only borrowing them and have to return them soon but I really enjoy the comfort and lightness. However I think the noise cancelling is too aggressive and only really use for listening to music during commute. also I don't really think they sound that great when I also consider the 350$ price tag.
TLDR: using akg m220 for music prod, astro a40s for gaming, pixel bud-A/Sony wxm4 for music listening during commute but kinda hate all of them and just want 1 pair of all arounders.
RN, considering the ath-m50xBTv2 but hear it's not that comfy (which is a high priority for me) also mixed opinions on sound quality and the massdrop senhesier hd58x but unsure if they would be usable during commute and not wireless (which is less of a priority but still) would love to hear input still as I am really inexperienced with this kind of stuff. Thank you for reading and input, first big purchase for me!

Watching Columbo, my five year old looks at the tv, sees Columbo and tells me, “He’s holding a candle because it’s so cold. Just like when it’s hot you eat two popsicles.” I didn’t say a word. Cigars are not in today’s society. And I am silently dying of laughter with that interpretation and the idea in my head of holding a candle like a cigar when it’s just too cold outside.

Just surprised my better half with a 2024 Y LR, and have a couple questions about preconditioning.

1. Is it only necessary/helpful to precondition the battery before charging when it's cold outside? What if it's very hot?
   
2. Is there a dedicated "preconditioning" button or toggle somewhere on the display? We can't find it if so. I know if you navigate to a supercharger directly it will precondition for you prior to arriving. But what if you want to manually turn this function on (e.g., if you need to use a non-Tesla charger but still want the battery optimized to receive energy upon arrival).
   

Thanks in advance.

Looking for advice recommendations. Have city tap water - test results shown for unfiltered water. Currently use a Berkey and under sink Body Glove BG12000C for drinking water.
Water is very hard at 260 mg/L and house is 60+ years old. Would like to add a softener but pipe logistics are very challenging (backyard sprinkler pipes are at the very end of the chain and the water heater is somewhere in the middle).
I'm assuming I want to keep hard water for the landscaping and kitchen? Which means my only option (without tearing up the walls and re-piping) is to add a softener in front of the water heater and let the cold water stay hard? Any issues or cons with the hot water by doing that? I'm also paranoid about the resin leaking/leeching, should I be? Should I add a filter in front of or behind the softener for good measure?
On the drinking water side, any improvements or recommendations based on the results?

Will try to make this as short as possible.
Bought a house, guys installing fiber optics in the neighbors accidentally cut the main pipe the meter, repaired it.
Then when house was being inspected the water went out completely. 2nd plumber came out, drained system, hooked up compressor to water pipes at the laundry room to blow out any debris.
I close on house, pressure sucks. Call out 3rd plumber. He says the lines at the main were fixed wrong and went from 1" to 3/4" and had like 4 elbows. Replaces it correctly. Pressure is good, mostly.
Few weeks go by, pressure seems to get worse. I'm installing some new fixtures, and notice that every time turn the water off at the main and drain the system by opening a few sinks (to change a toilet for example), when I turned everything back on, pressure is magically better.
Hot and cold, same pressure levels.
Few weeks later, it kind of sucks again. We're talking ~70-80PSI when it's good and maybe 30 PSI when it sucks. Not unusable, but annoying.
Whats the mostly likely culprit? Debris in the line? How would I fix that permanently?

How long do we have? This is a self-explanatory, well, kinda, but I want to see what y’all think in terms of how long we have left.
So for context, my dad’s mom (97) is like-really old. She’s on hospice (not for any illness but so if she has to be hospitalized then she can receive the treatment she needs at home) and she is, in my opinion, doing wonderful. But something tells me that it’s going to be soon. And how soon, I’m not sure, which is why I am here.
When we got there this morning she told me her hands were cold, and when I checked, they were. Imagine stepping into a walk-in freezer, that’s how cold. She told it to my dad, and he said she wasn’t cold, only cool. We went shortly after to a family cookout that our relatives had, and on the road there she was amazing, she was energetic, you name it. When we left, however, she was very fatigued, and was passing out in the car. When we got to her apartment, she was really tired, and she kept talking about how she wanted to give me something that I had been interested by when we came over yesterday. Yesterday, she, my dad, and my dad’s sister, all played games (cards, board, etc) and it went on for hours and hours and they were fine. She told my dad about some stuff she wanted him to have, and I made friends with her cat (she’s 11).
When we left, we had taken her to her room and urged her to take a nap, since, when we asked her if she wanted to take a nap, she said “well, it wouldn’t hurt”(I was in the room when she was saying that) and as we were leaving, I just felt this sudden wave of DOOM or like DREAD. Mind you, we’re not close, as shes too far from us to even visit once a month (she lives next to Canada, we live next to Florida/on the beach). As we were leaving her house, it came to me again, and it was like - stronger this time. Like, almost as though this was the last time we were going to see her alive. When we got in the car, even my mom told me that this is probably the last time we’re going to see her, and that my dad’s going to be really emotional so don’t make jokes or make a fuss with him. (My dad has made several trips over the past decade to visit her, solo). I’m not sure what’s going on. Could this just be me being worried or is she actively dying (as in the sense that she’s like-less than a week if not a week left) and we only have so much time left? I haven’t noticed anything else, but I think her eyes have been getting more hollow or shallow. Could just be me though.

Ok, first off, I just want to say that I am completely uneducated about seasonal allergies. I know food allergies are a thing because I deal with them, but idk about seasonal ones.
My 12 year old has been your pretty boring average kid all his life. We've lived in the same place for the last six years now, he's gone to the same area for school (since all three are next to each other), and he's pretty well done the same (primarily outdoor) activities for all these years. He has no medical issues whatsoever... until a couple weeks ago. All of these were new and unusual behaviors.

• I noticed a dramatic uptick in his thirst levels. He was getting up at night just to get water. We don't keep juice or soda on hand and he does a pretty good job at staying hydrated during the day, so this was very weird.
• He started getting pulled out of class and sent to the principal's office to nap or rest in a dark room because he was either fatigued or had a headache.
• He started becoming much more exhausted than he should have been and wanting to go to bed earlier.
• His appetite decreased.
• He started shutting the curtains and keeping himself in a dark room.
• The normal bags under his eyes got darker.
• He started complaining about headaches.
• He most recently had a headache so severe that he refused to open one eye.

All of these incidents were intermittent and sometimes seemed to go away when I gave him cold medicine. But at the time he was crying about his eye and head hurting, even I could tell that the three doses of Dayquil I had given him over the prior 17 hours had had zero effect and it would do him no good to get another dose.
I took him to urgent care and they advised he had developed seasonal allergies. Yes, the doctor giggled at me when I told her that I thought this was something you were born with. I am that uneducated about seasonal allergies. She prescribed my kid Claritin and Sudafed and sent us on our way.
My kid has not improved one little bit since Thursday. Part of this is because I share custody of him and despite being told 4(!!) times not to take the kid outside per doctor's orders, my soon-to-be-ex took our kid out for an hour today when there's high pollen, folks mowing their yards, and near 10 mph winds. Kiddo is apparently laid up in bed again.
My question is: how do I minimize this suffering for my kid?? I got him Claritin and I haven't opened the windows since he comes back tomorrow and I washed all his blankets.
Is there anything else I can do to ease his suffering? Why are allergies so bad?? (Rhetorical question, but still!) Is there anything in particular I need to buy or do? Are there any warning signs that I might need to watch out for which might indicate that this is getting worse? Any bit of education on this subject would be appreciated. I have Googled, but I don't feel like it is very helpful.

(This is really long)
We havent filed yet due to money, but it will happen. For most of the marriage ive just been easily frustrated, irritated, not a partner to him. It really went downhill after buying our dream home (i paid for it with inheritance) . But the last 3-4 years have sucked the life out of me. We both have been shit to each other, emotionally distant, resentful, given up; me more than him.
We’ve always been opposites. Im an introvert who is selective who im close with (i have only 3-4 friends). Im not a type of person who socializes a lot since marriage. I barely call friends. Socializing (and life in general) makes me feel on the outside of the circle. Too much socialization wears me out.
Now he’s the opposite. He makes friends at the drop of the hat. He could socialize every day, which does mean drinking, sometimes a lot. He’s a hyper, loud person who dismisses feelings, crosses boundaries. Ive never been the first person he discusses plans with. He does that with others THEN tells me after its a done deal. So im in a forced to socialize situation or be the bitch who tells him no and he should tell his friends no. We are even talking big vacays. I have to beg him for “us” time.
I never felt emotionally safe with him. He does not understand depression. He does not understand being tired a lot. He does not understand alone time. He does not understand low (now zero) libido. He knew about my depression from day one. He tries to cheer me up. But if we are having a fight, he has said some crushing things you do not say to a depressed person. (Youre unstable, etc). Things a spouse or a parent should never say. If it were s friend? Id tell them to f off and not be hurt. But my husband? Its like a knife to the heart. Anything else like libido? Its up to me to fix it like im defective and doing it on purpose. Ive had every test under the sun. Its just who i am. But its also because he non stopped complained about sex and has cheated our entire marriage. He refuses to admit it. But i have tangible proof.
Hes lazy and adhd with chores. Fun comes first and i barely had any help. Im so overwhelemed that i can no longer to the housework top to bottom in one day like i used to. There are weeks/months where i dont fold, put away clothes. They are clean, but i just put them in a clean pile. And if i started to get mad that he didnt help, he would protest and say now hes not doing it at all.
He does have moments of bullying, harassing, wearing down style of arguing until he gets what he wants. He told my therapists that its right to do because it works. Over time i became disgusted by this behavior. His way of listening to feedback is to deny the behavior or flip it to how i am. Yes i get frustrated easily and zero patience. But thats after 23 years. And ive been struggling with everything like tasks, organizing, being proactive for years.
We have a son. He’s the only thing we are 95% on the same page. But he has some verbal/personality actions where i felt we needed to get our son into therapy. He has a hot cold relationship with my husband. My son and i are very close. This makes my husband zealous. Always has. But he does love him to death and is a good father. Hes just a low emotional mature adult and its hard.
Yesterday was the first time ive heard him fine and encouraging a divorce. Im the one that has said it many times. Yelled it. Been cold, distant, etc. but looking at old pics made me realize that everything we did together, i was always irritated by him. Either cutting me off when talking to our friends, drinking a LOT, being dismissive of people’s feelings/boundaries…including our son. I just couldnt fully be happy in the moment and now, all of those fun, special happy times are gone. Our son isnt a child/baby. Hes a teen. More independent. Will eventually move and have his own life. I know my husband has talked and more with women. Escorts have been involved. He denies it but i have proof. And i know his excuse will be the dead bedroom and my resentment where he has received zero intimacy.
So it hit me this is it. He will carry on with dating. Is getting our dream house. Will do whatever he wants with nobody saying anything. Company over daily. Pool parties. Wining and dining, treating another woman super special (hes good at it). Essentially living a new life in happiness.
Ill be in my own new home. Alone.being aware that im not like everybody. Having fun and feeling it is hard for me. I dont really socialize. I dont want to date because im afraid to and with no libido and im not affectionate, no-one will want to be with me. I just feel that i have never been “normal”. Life has been realllyyy difficult for me despite love, a son, meds, therapy. My mental health and how i am gets in the way and it always has. He says i can change. But i cant force a libido. I cant wish depression away. I cant remove my wants in a relationship…i did that the first 10 years, thus me becoming more irritated/angry with him over time.
Im going to be divorced, small/newer home, and pretty much alone. Like severely alone physically and mentally.
And yes that does mean suicidal thoughts. Its not because of him. Its strictly because im hyperaware i dont fit in. I cant fix these things. Some people shouldnt have been born. I really believe that.
He said he will never desert me, always be here for him and he will always love me. I told him his new whomever would not want that and doing so is truly unnecessary. I wanted this divorce. I couldnt be who he wanted. I couldnt feel joy. Dont even think about me. There really is no point to waste his energy.

Would they deploy ground forces to Europe to assist NATO or keep all their forces ready and in reserve in case of escalation in Asia? Would their Navy be able to meaningfully do anything to harm the Soviets and Warsaw Pact? Of course "cold war going hot in Europe" is vague and the ANZACs could do any number of things in response depending on geopolitical factors and how the war was progressing, but can we make educated guesses to what their plan was if SHTF in Europe based on sources from the era?

I recently replaced my thermostat on the wall, as I took the old one off I labeled all the wires to the terminal I removed them from, and installed them into the correct labeled spot. Now when ever I switch from hot to cold ect it blows the fuse? I'm confused and it's a pain to keep popping the cover off to replace the fuse. Any help good fine folk of reddit?

I am 45 and have started major perimenopause which has completely turned my life upside down. I went to my gynecologist with a laundry list of symptoms and after a bazillion tests she started me on T. It has only been 4 days but I feel exactly the same, no change whatsoever - not even a little. Just as exhausted as always, emotional, in pain, no quality sleep, cold flashes, temperature disregulation (hottish flashes with red face and sweat but not like some women describe so idk), night sweats, bathroom issues, nausea, taste changes, not hungry at all but fatter than ever, feeling like extreme low blood sugar but I test fine, periods every 2-3 weeks but so far iron ok, etc. I have two questions: how long does it take to start seeing something and is 0.5 grams per day a really low dose? I don’t touch base with her again for a month and I know I’m being pathetic expecting change so soon but I’ve been miserable all winter and can barely leave the house so I’m impatiently hoping for improvement…anything.
In case it matters, I am not on any other hormone just testosterone at this point. I have two significant polyps they found and may need removal and she said any female hormones might make them worse. I’m waiting for a surgery consult. However it was only the T that was very low…other hormones were in the normal range.
I realize this is my business account which is kind of embarrassing but it’s the only one I have and I am that desperate lol.

BIBLIOTECA MT

Biblioteca MT 1-MentalismoMentalismo-13 escalones del mentalismo-Arte de ler mentes-Henrik Fexeus-O mentalista-Tricks of the mind - Derren Brown-Absolute Magic-Derren Brown-Pure effect-Derren Brown-Easy mentalism-Practical Mental magic-Theodore AnnemannPsiquiatria-Manual de psiquiatria portugues-Cinema e LoucuraPsicologia-Psicologia Facil - Ana Merces Bahia BockPNL-Introdução à programação neurolinguística-Joseph 0'Connor e John Seymour-despertar do gigante interior-PNL Programacao Neurolinguistic - Steve Andreas-Usando Sua Mente (PNL) Richard Bandler-PNL: A Nova Tecnologia do SucessoNeurociência-Neurociências - Desvendando o sistema nervoso Bear, M. F., Connors, B. W., & Paradiso, M. 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Ferguson-Por que sai do Goldman Sachs - Greg Smith3-CiênciaMedicina———1-AnatomiaAnatomia Humana Basica Dangeloe FattiniAtlas de Anatomia Humana NetterAtlas Fotográfico de Anatomia - YokochiGrays p. estudant.Anatomia Moore orientada para a clínica2-FisiologiaFisiologia Humana - Dee Unglaub Silverthorn3-PatologiaBogliolo Patologia4-HistologiaHistologia Básica - Junqueira e Carneiro5-Biologia celularBiologia Celular e Molecular -Junqueira & Carneiro6-BioquímicaBioquímica Médica Básica de Marks7-Bioestatística8-Embriologiaembriologia clinica Moore9-MicrobiologiaMicrobiologia Medica - Patrick Murray10-ImunologiaMurphy - Imunobiologia De Janeway11-GenéticaGriffiths - Introdução à Genética12-ParasitologiaParasitologia Humana Neves13-RadiologiaFundamentos de Radiologia e Diagnóstico por imagemTratado de Técnica Radiológica - Bontrager14-FarmacologiaFarmacologia Básica Clínica Bertram Katzung Goodman - Farmacologia15-SemiologiaSemiologia Medica - PortoSemiologia BatesExame Clínico-PortoSemiologia médica - mario lópezSemiologia Médica - Rocco16-Clínica GeralHarrison - Medicina InternaCecil17-Urgência e EmergênciaATLSManual APH18-PediatriaBlackbook PediatriaNelson Tratado de Pediatria19-Ginecologia e ObstetríciaObstetricía RezendeObstetricia BasicaRotinas Em ObstetriciaGinecologia FundamentalRotinas em Ginecologia20-NeurologiaA Neurologia que todo médico deve saber - NitriniNeurociências - Bear, M. F., Connors, B. W., & Paradiso, M. 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Mohan-AFM 52-31 Guided Missile Fundamentals-Department of the Air Force-Advances in Missile Guidance, Control, and EstimationGunsmithing-Gunsmithing at Home Lock Stock & Barrel- John E.Traister-Building Firearms-Harold HoffmanArmas Nucleares-U.S. Nuclear Weapons - The Secret History Hardcover-Chuck Hansen-Swords of Armageddon - Chuck Hansen-Dark Sun: The Making of the Hydrogen Bomb-Richard Rhodes-The Making of the Atomic Bomb-Richard Rhodes-Atomic Accidents: A History of Nuclear Meltdowns and Disasters- James MahaffeyEngenharia Naval-SNAME Ship Design & Construction-Engineering Economics and Ship Design - BuxtonEstratégia militar-Field Manual of Military Operations (FM 3–0)-United States Army-Manual de Campanha C 124-1 - Estratégia-EB-As grandes estratégias - John Lewis GaddisCriminalística-Techniques of Crime Scene investigation-Barry A.J Fisher-Procedimento operacional padrão:Perícia Criminal-Ministério da Justiça BR-Manual de orientação de quesitos da perícia criminal-DPF-Introduction to Criminalistics-Barry A.J Fisher,William J.Tilstone e Catherine Woytowicz-Fundamentals of forensic science- Max M. 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It was a cold, windy night in November. The kind of night where the wind howls through the trees, making them creak and groan like they’re alive. I was alone in the house. My parents had gone out for the evening, and my older brother was at a friend’s house. They wouldn’t be back until late, so it was just me, the silence, and the unsettling noises the old house made in the dark.
I was in the living room, curled up on the couch with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn, watching a movie to pass the time. I’d turned off all the lights except for the flickering glow of the TV, which cast eerie shadows on the walls. I tried not to think about how quiet it was, how empty the house felt, but the creaking and groaning of the house made it hard to ignore.
Then I heard it. A faint sound, just outside the window. I froze, the remote slipping from my hand and clattering to the floor. The noise was gone as quickly as it had come, replaced by the steady thrumming of my heartbeat in my ears. I told myself it was nothing, just the wind or maybe a stray cat, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease.
I forced myself to keep watching the movie, trying to lose myself in the familiar story. But then I heard it again—a soft, scraping sound, like metal against wood. This time, it was coming from the back door. I muted the TV and strained to listen, every muscle in my body tense.
The scraping turned into a quiet, persistent rattle, as if someone was trying to pick the lock. I felt a chill run down my spine. My mind raced. Should I call my parents? The police? My phone was in the kitchen, and I’d have to cross the dark hallway to get to it.
I crept off the couch, moving as silently as I could, my heart pounding in my chest. As I reached the hallway, the rattling stopped. The sudden silence was almost worse than the noise. I held my breath, listening for any sign of movement. Then, a soft thud echoed through the house. Someone was inside.
Panicking, I darted into the kitchen and grabbed my phone. I dialed 999, my hands shaking so badly I almost dropped it. As I pressed the phone to my ear, I heard heavy footsteps coming down the hallway.
“999, what’s your emergency?” the operator’s voice was calm and steady, a lifeline in the darkness.
“There’s someone in my house,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “Please, send help.”
I could hear the intruder moving closer, the floorboards creaking under their weight. The operator assured me that help was on the way, but I didn’t know how long it would take. I needed to hide.
I slipped into the pantry, pulling the door closed just as the footsteps entered the kitchen. Through the slats, I could see a dark figure moving around, searching for something. I clamped a hand over my mouth, trying to stifle my breathing.
The intruder moved methodically, opening cupboards and drawers, the clinking of silverware and the thud of doors slamming shut filling the silence. I prayed they wouldn’t check the pantry, that they’d take whatever they wanted and leave.
But then the door creaked open, and I found myself staring into the eyes of a masked figure. I screamed, dropping my phone. The operator’s voice echoed from the floor, but I couldn’t make out the words. The intruder lunged at me, and I scrambled backwards, my hand closing around a can of soup. Without thinking, I hurled it at their head.
The can connected with a sickening thud, and the intruder staggered, giving me a moment to escape. I bolted from the pantry, tearing through the house and out the front door. I didn’t stop running until I reached the neighbor’s house, where I banged on the door, sobbing and gasping for breath.
The police arrived minutes later, lights flashing and sirens wailing. They found the intruder unconscious in the kitchen, the mask still on their face. I later learned they’d been a wanted criminal, breaking into homes in the area.
That night changed me. The house never felt the same—its comforting creaks and groans now sounded like threats. And I never forgot the terror of seeing those eyes in the dark, the feeling of being hunted in my own home.

I apologize for the sheer wall of text but maybe this will be good cathartic Sunday reading? It helps a lot to write it out. I am a 49M widower, three years out of losing my wife (48F), father of three adult kids. Last year I felt I was ready to find love again, and joined a dating app. Very quickly I matched with Lexi (47F, not her real name) and was smitten right away.
I am in the tech and startup space in my city and she had just moved from the opposite coast with a tech background and two exits. In fact, she swiped on me because we had just connected by email two weeks earlier because she was looking to join the startup scene in her new home.
She was so accomplished and warm and smart. She was into Buddhism and spoke much of the language of my childhood in terms of peace and joy. We had so much in common. We quickly talked about cofounding a startup, I loved her own dreams for the future, she was supportive of mine. We were honest and vulnerable and despite feeling utterly naive and awkward it felt great.
It was also complicated. She had been married twice before, the most recent physically abusive and prompting her cross-country escape with her two sons. She was self-aware enough to know she was dealing with the trauma and I was wholeheartedly supportive. Practical things like helping her finish all the paperwork for her divorce or keeping a distance so as not to upset her kids made sense.
But over time and sometimes with great pain we would run into triggers and need to break and reset. Our attempts to do something together were too hard because she would fear losing control—which made sense. She was terrified of not having support in a new city and I made sure to be available to her as much as possible—down to reserving certain hours every day to be with her. She asked me to move into her building, then panicked because her sons might see me, so I moved into the building next door.
I loved her so much and wanted to do everything to keep her happy or at least feeling safe. Maybe my years as a caretaker to my late wife conditioned me in this way. But Lexi and I knew we both were in complex places in our lives and tried hard to navigate things. She read about dating a widower, I read about PTSD and ASD—something she felt explained a lot going back to childhood, from sensory sensitivity to difficulty reading nuance in social situations. As an awkward guy myself, I was empathetic.
We co-developed a shared document that basically helped us avoid landmines. When our daily time together would be. Where to park so she wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t home. Boundaries to protect her kids—which did feel like we were sneaking around and would fill her with guilt. She loved to cook and had specific dietary preferences and I adopted the same diet (and still stick to it, mostly, because it did improve my health). She said she felt safer the more of my face she could see, so I changed my glasses and shaved my facial hair. She was afraid of getting pregnant so I got my long-planned vasectomy.
And this all sound crazy, but I was happy to do it, and she seemed to be trying hard, too. She adopted ASD coping strategies, we put reminders around our respective homes, she even put my photo on her wall as part of a ranked list of priorities… though I think I came after her boys and her dogs. (I’m a cat person but loved her dogs, dogsat her dogs, and the regular walks were a main way we spent time together, even when things were rocky.) More articles and books, personality tests, studying results to find paths forward. She had a science background so did find some comfort in analyzing us.
The biggest trigger was that I would sometimes travel out of town. I work remotely so it wasn’t hard to just stay put. But before we met I’d planned to go to a big concert in LA with my daughter, and couldn’t not go. That one weekend trip was the biggest hurdle we faced. I even paid for therapy for her and kept my promise to keep in constant touch—but it caused a two-week break, and a lot of anguish thereafter. She felt abandoned even as I showed in every way that I was committed. A couple of times she had panic attacks and curled into a ball while we were out and about. Once she ran from me, genuinely afraid of me, when I had gotten frustrated and made a sarcastic remark.
Because of her past abuse, the physical side of our relationship was also tricky. There were rules here, too, but as a middle-age effective virgin, I was still into it. I’d only had one serious partner in my life, so everything was new and amazing… but for it to also be a hot-cold-voracious-guilt rollercoaster was… confusing. A few times I would be strong enough to say, “If this is too hard, we could just be friends.” But THAT was, as you might imagine, another huge threat to her sense of safety.
Until she concluded the same. We pledged—via email, because by then even text messages were too intense for her—to be good, single friends. Walks, hikes, movies. Love you always. Then no contact for four months. She mailed my keys back to me.
Of course, I still lived next door, and ran into her maybe four times during that span. She seemed stricken a couple of times, and would not speak, not really look up, and twice crossed the street to avoid me. Her dogs were happy to see me, which made it especially awkward. I tell you, I felt like the worst person on earth, a man who failed to be a good partner and caretaker when I thought that was a strength. I was worried that I made her PTSD worse, that she was a wreck…
Until three weeks ago, our anniversary. She said she was sorry for causing me pain and wanted to be friends. I could have fainted dead. We met up for lunch.
She was glowing. She was so happy. Her sons were now both adults and she decided they were going to be just fine, and feeling liberated. She wasn’t ASD, it was just PTSD. She had started a graduate program to become a therapist (something we discussed), happy to both be able to tap her experiences to help others and to have the chance to practice with herself and classmates. She turned her love of cooking into selling her stuff at a local market (something we discussed). gave up her diet because it made it hard to date. And she’d been dating. And had a boyfriend who was taking her out of town for a week. I immediately saw the brilliant woman I first met, and was frankly gutted. I was happy she was happy, I was crushed that she got where she is AFTER me, not WITH me.
My friends tell me she was genuinely troubled and that PTSD doesn’t just vanish in a few months. That she was wearing a mask with me, and that this new boyfriend—with whom she also has amazing commonalities—is getting the same “mimic” behavior. That, if anything, her wanting to reconnect means she’s looking to assuage guilt or regain a part of her still critical support system. That I turned myself inside out for her, and the most important question to ask myself is whether I should be as open to being friends as I am.
I made a lot of changes in my life for her, many positive, many that still persist. I feel like it would be a waste to go through what we did and NOT be friends. But I definitely went through the wringer and I feel like I’m now the one recovering from trauma. I believe in therapy and am going to work on this. But I’d value an objective take.
TDLR; First relationship as a widower was to an amazing but complex woman was very fraught and fell apart. After no contact for four months she asked to meet up, and she was glowing and normal and I’m shook. Was it bad timing and I missed my chance, or is she maybe not really okay? And can we still be friends?