I (21f) have been with my bf (27m) for 3 years. A week ago his grandmother passed. He was very close with her, my bf spent summers as a child and teen living at her house and we’ve lived at her house together during the summer last year too. I feel terrible thinking about how much he’s grieving her now and want to support him in any way I can. The problem is that I think our relationship has run its course and I was planning on ending things with him before she passed, her passing was pretty sudden. We’ve had our struggles as a couple good times (ex traveling, being at each others graduations, getting pets together) and bad times (ex, caught him messaging his ex and OF girls, caught him sexting men & women on apps, caught him lying about drug use). I gave him time to change and prove things would be different but I’m just not seeing the results I need to continue being with him. I sleep over at his place almost every night but even when I’m there I find myself alone in his bed watching tv while he’s upstairs or outside doing whatever majority of the time or he’ll be on his phone beside me when he’s with me. I’ve communicated my needs in the relationship before and not much has changed.
I don’t wanna make him look like the bad guy because Ik I haven’t been the perfect gf but I don’t feel like I can continue being with him anymore. I think I’ve outgrown the relationship and realized that our futures and goals do not align. I think he recognizes this too but we’ve both been playing chicken on breaking things off. We don’t communicate, barley have sex and went on our first date this whole year 2 days ago for my birthday dinner. He isn’t around to celebrate my birthday this weekend because he’s at his deceased grandmothers house cleaning things out, which I totally understand because it’s out of his control.
I’ve never been in a situation like this before and need some advice on a timeline here. I don’t want to sound insensitive to his loss but I also gotta put myself first. I don’t want to abandon him when he needs me the most to deal with his grief but I can support his as a friend going forward instead of as a gf. So when would be an appropriate time to end things with him? And how do I approach this situation without being insensitive to his loss?

There is significant repetition of these numbers popping up in both Taylor and Matty's public works so I thought I would bring it up and see what you all think and if you have noticed other instances that I'm missing. Sorry in advanced for this being long, but there is a lot.
Let's start with the most well-known one: 13

• I think that even casual fans know that Taylor considers 13 her lucky number. Her birthday is 12/13/1989. She's had some significant milestones in her career surrounding the number 13 and she famously wrote 13 in marker on her hand during the Fearless era. She continues to reference this number in track listings - even TTPD is 31 tracks, so 13 transposed.
• the poem Stevie Nicks wrote for TTPD has two dates written on it: Aug 13, 2023 and Sept 13th 8:05pm. Obviously the 13th in both dates is interesting but if you start adding things up you will see these dates are very significant. The 8:05 will give you 8+5=13. There is more to these dates as well.
• In numerology, we often add numbers together to get a single digit. 1+3 = 4.

8's - The public announcement of Taylor and Matty's relationship came on 5/3/2023. 5+3 = 8...8 is the infinity symbol. - In the Eras Tour, the stage roomba makes an infinity sign during Down Bad. - In numerology, 8 also rules the planet Saturn. This brings to mind "love you to the moon and Saturn" but also, Taylor wears a Vivienne Westwood choker during her performance of But Daddy I Love Him (she has one in black and one in white), with the symbol of Saturn topped by a cross that looks very reminiscent of a king chesspiece: https://www.harrods.com/en-us/shopping/agate-crystal-messaline-choker-22340482?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwxqayBhDFARIsAANWRnRG1PyYR_3UcHl3igFeRHsyBkMHMWPgAv6-vIx01S9r3lBHNEvlwg0aAqz4EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds - 4 is obviously half of 8 - 8+9 = 17 and 7+1 = 8 (as in 1989) - 2024 is said to be a year of 8's, because 2+2+4 = 8. There is other symbolism associated with this number but this post is already super long.
4's & 2's - The number 4 has been showing up a lot recently. Matty flashed the number 4 to the camera during a set while they were dating (couldn't find the video but if someone finds it, I will edit to add it). - Taylor has famously been flashing peace signs and even put a statue of a peace sign in her TTPD exhibit at The Grove. Thought to be an easter egg for the double album but she continued doing it after the albums release. - Obviously, 2 + 2 = 4. But 4 can also be broken down into two pairs of 1's. Twin flame numbers are 1111 (so 4), and 2222 (so 8) respectively. - Taylor & Matty are both fire signs. Twin flames are often described as mirroring each other.
3's - Graphically, a 3 is half of 8 (especially in certain fonts). - In ATPOIAM, episode 2, entitled Fame (, https://youtu.be/44ezfnnRE0k?si=YcLcKnJrPHWY-Yyc) Matty stuffs himself into a suitcase (a story long told about Taylor was that she stuffed herself in a suitcase to escaped the hordes of paparazzi and fans when leaving her apartment). The suitcase has the number 3 on it and the elevator goes to the 3rd floor (despite the next shot being on them outside of The Bowery hotel). I've stayed at the Bowery, the 3rd floor is not how you get outside, lol. - TaylorNation put out a promo video that was a mash up of 1989 era images, it featured a vault and it also featured a clip from the Bejeweled music video (which has other interesting references to things happening right now), but Taylor was pressing the button for the 3rd floor (not in the original video). Everyone thought this indicated a big surprise coming on 5/3/2024 (2 weeks after the TTPD release). Much clowning ensued, nothing happened...except Matty posted a cover of his song "All I Need To Hear" to his IG. - Bejeweled MV was released on 10/25/2022...10+25 = 53 and 5+3 = 8 OR 1 + 2 + 5 = 8. 222 is an angel number related to soul mates.
I'm sure that I didn't even write out half of the things I've noticed because this post is getting unweildy but if there are other numerology nerds and people who have noticed this repetition, please add your observations!
Edit to add: Matty's birthday! 04/08/1989 so 4's and 8's abound!

Babette's Feast (1987) is a highly regarded arthouse film with strong spiritual themes. It won an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film, and has received much critical acclaim. But is it simply something pretentious, or is the respect its gained well deserved? And does it even have something serious to say?
The film introduces us to the two sisters Martine and Filippa, who are part of a very strict Puritanical and ascetic Protestant church group that was started by their father. He’s now deceased, although the first part of the film does show us some of the background, where they spurn the love of two young men in favour of the ascetic lifestyle taught by their father. The main story begins when we see them as aging spinsters, giving refuge to a needy woman from France, who is our central character, Babette.
After she wins the lottery, Babette wants to express her gratitude to her hosts for 14 years of their hospitality by cooking them with a sumptuous meal on what would have been their father’s 100th birthday. Afraid of enjoying earthly pleasure, the ascetic group solemnly agrees in advance that they will act as if the delightful food and drink doesn't have any real taste. But can they really maintain this illusion when the food is that good? Aside from this main storyline, the film also touches on some inner conflicts among the church group.
The film is in the French language, although the version I watched had an optional soundtrack with a dubbed English voice-over. Despite not knowing French, I found it far more enjoyable to use English subtitles along with the original French soundtrack. This maintains the more subtle voice inflections of the actors, and it’s surprising how much of the authenticity and impact is lost without this.
But why is this film so charming, and what has made it such a success? Aren’t we basically just watching a group of people solemnly eating a meal? Cynics will find a lot to make fun of here. But for those prepared to chew a little, there’s more than what meets the eye. To begin with, the characterization is excellent, and the depiction of the two single ladies who have forsaken everything for their faith is particularly well done. Babette’s humble service and her extravagant gift, along with all its culinary delights, is beautifully presented, in a slow-moving and serene way.
In many respects Babette's Feast first and foremost shows the foolishness of a faith that is artificial and ascetic. The feast that Babette prepares highlights the hypocrisy of the religious sect, by exposing the foolishness of their religion of externals. The Protestant group is blind to the value of the gift they are enjoying, contrasting with the visiting General and with Babette, who see and understand how things really are. There seems to be an implied critique on such ascetic religious groups, with the General functioning as a character who is enlightened despite his simplicity. True religion doesn’t just practice piety, but there also finds room to enjoy life’s pleasures.
But there is more going on besides this obvious message. Many commentators have suggested that Babette is essentially a Christ-like figure, because she gives a gift of grace in a meal that has overtones of Christ's last supper. This interpretation gives her meal a sacramental quality, and when viewed in this light, it gives a whole new perspective on the film. There may be something to this, because there is a sense in which Babette selfishly sacrifices all she has for her two patrons. Reading what Catholic reviewers like Stephen Greydanus have to say about the sacramental aspect of the film is especially interesting (link to his review). Other reviewers suggest a Lutheran interpretation, and focus more on how the film depicts a marriage between the spiritual and the carnal. Given the Danish setting, a Lutheran background to the theology is also very plausible.
You’ll find a wide range of theological interpretations among critics, so there is lots of room for discussion here. I'd be reluctant to insist on a particular interpretation, because it seems to me that the film already does us a service by stimulating such discussions, rather than coming to definitive conclusions on them.
But clearly the film does want us thinking about theology, because Martine and Filippa are named after the Protestant Reformers Martin Luther and Philipp Melanchton. Central to Protestant theology is the notion that good deeds are not done to earn a heavenly reward, but are a grateful response to a God-given gift of grace. Ironically, it’s Babette’s generous gift that captures this spirit more than the combined piety of the two sisters and their religious group. It’s possible to be so intent on pursuing piety that one misses the point of life, and fails to enjoy grace and the pleasures God gives.
The suggestion has been made by some that Babette's feast helps change the characters, and causes old quarrels to be healed, and past sins to be genuinely forgiven. If so, this raises interesting questions about the nature of sacraments, and how they function. But I’m left wondering whether it really is the film’s goal to suggest that the sacramental quality of the feast helps dispense grace and solve the sharp differences and shortcomings within the small group. For example, many reviewers see the positive discussions that the group has about their religious leader while enjoying the meal as evidence of its transforming quality.
But does this elaborate feast really transform the characters who share in it, like a sacramental eucharist might do? I’m not convinced, because it seems to me that these conversations could equally be their way of desperately avoiding talking about the gift itself, by turning to pious talk that had nothing to do with the food, and are evidence that they’re stubbornly persisting with their religious blindness. But perhaps repeated viewings of the film might cause me to reconsider this view.
The film also raises interesting questions about the value of art, as is evident from what the famous opera singer Achille Papin says about art in the afterlife. This conversation returns in the film’s concluding words to Babette about her art as chef. Filippa echoes what Papin had said to her, promising that in paradise Babette will be the great artist God intended her to be. An artist will always give their best, and that’s exactly what Babette’s extravagant feast is.
Clearly there’s more to Babette’s Feast than meets the eye, and I feel I’ve only scratched the surface of its meaning. Extensive full length academic papers have been written about it, some of which can be found online. For me anyway, spending time at Babette’s table has only increased my appetite to find out more about this thoughtful film. I'd love to get insights and perspectives from others who have enjoyed it.

A few years ago during that time when I was in high school, me and my ex friend went to different schools, I wanted to go to the same school as her but I couldn't since it was too far.
I told her that I couldn't go to the same school but she told me she was glad I didn't go to the same place as her because if I did, me and her wouldn't be friends at all.
You know the reason why she said that? She said if I went there, other people would take me away from her and that she would hate me which I found that stupid. Fast forward a few years later I had a boyfriend during college (he's now an ex) When I went out to town with my family, she called to me crying (while I was in a resturant) because apparently I've been ghosting her and ignoring her saying I've been too busy to even talk.
During this time I was struggling with my mental health, my relationship and college, She would start arguments with me saying I don't have time for her, not texting back saying I'm drifting away from her. Not to mention she wrote a poem about me(I have the poem on my phone) , I didn't know what to say and she asked you're not mad I wrote a poem about you? You won't sue me right?
And I was like it's fine but in my head it wasn't fine. She would make it about herself, I listened to her constantly complaining and she would trauma dump the past. She brought up the fact I didn't turn up to choir practice while I was getting bullied.
She blamed me for that not the girl who bullied me, not to mention she and the bully were friends on Facebook, the girl who bullied me would talk trash about me to her and she would tell me the horrible things the bully said about me, I was so hurt and betrayed yet I still kept her as a friend.
2 years go by and this was before Covid hit, the day she arrived I took her to my dance practice so she could watch before my day. She complained saying that she's tired, didn't take her meds, telling me she wasted her money to come visit me. I was embarrassed when she was having a tantrum infront of everyone that I had to take her somewhere else.
It felt like a burning iron everytime she complained I was flustered and I felt tired just by listening to her. On the evening the day before my birthday party, there was no food at the house since my mother was busy preparing for my debut. She hasnt eaten food or taken her meds but blamed me again, so we both had to walk to mcdonalds in the evening around 8pm just for her to eat.
The day of my birthday party, everything was going well, I introduced her to my college friends and others but after the party we went back to our rooms getting ready for bed, she asked me why didn't you introduce me to those boys? Why didn't you spend time with me? I didn't know what to say anymore because I was tired genuinely that we didn't talk until morning.
Then after a few days I haven't heard from her, She was talking to one of my guy friends but the thing is she would only talk to me if she had problems with him and would come crying in call and texting me about it. I have been reassuring her every time she had problems with my guy friend and it was tiring, he even mentioned to me she was controlling and bossy and he was right .
I never complained about anything between me and her but she wanted to make problems that I didn't talk to her or wasn't talking to her enough, I gave her space and I gave myself space but she still complained why I didn't message her but I did several times but in other days I wouldn't talk to her because I was scared.
I never talked about my mental problems and my trauma with my SA past to her because she'll make me feel worse and trauma dump and mention the past about me leaving her repeatedly when I was bullied by the same girl she was friends with.
I wanted to cut ties with her but I was afraid that she will get mad at me because she had issues with her behaviour for always getting angry and shouting at me when we get into an argument in call and would blame me.
But I was genuinely afraid at the same time losing my only friend because I had no one else to talk to. After a month or two I was messaging her and she brought up the vaccine topic, during that time she was a student nurse and I didn't really want to talk about it but she insisted telling me I should take the vaccine. If I didn't take it apparently I would affect her "family, friends and patients" but what about me? What am I to her? Me and her live in different cities 1 hr away from each other, so how can I affect them if I live so far away? That doesn't make sense.
She told me If I didn't take it she told me people would think I'm a dirty pest and a scumbag.
I was so done, honestly so done after she posted our private conversation on her private story but apparently she deleted it afterwards just for me to see? Not sure if I believe that. I blocked her on every social media and after that I felt better, the heavy burden I held for so long was gone. I was happier without her.
I never even got birthday gifts from her even when I gave hers every year so I stopped gifting her. I wasted 9 years of friendship and stopped trusting people after that.

4 years together. 2 living together. I loved him. He didn’t feel the same way I guess. 18 days since we’ve broken up no contact.
fuck you for not answering me. fuck you for leading me on. fuck you. fuck you for getting that one last fuck in. fuck you for letting me believe we were still gonna be friends. fuck you for being okay. fuck you. fuck you flr never defending me. fuck uou for everything you did during the relationship. fuck you. fuck you. i was never going to be enough for you. i was never going to be what you so dreamed of. no matter what i was never going to be it for you? you were it for me. fuck you for pretending like you loved me. fuck you for letting me believe a lie for years. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you for not moving to Victoria. never ballsy enough to end it but to let me live in misery. fuck you for being miserable with me. fuck you nathan. i hope one day you see this and think about how much you miss me. i hope you think back and realized that i loved you so hard and raw. i hope you realize what you did. i would’ve never slept with you or stayed with u for that night knowing you had no intention of continuing it. fuck you. fuck you. you let me believe you still loved me. you let me have hope for having you in my life. fuck you for everything you did. fuck you for letting me love you. fuck you for the way you handled this breakup. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you for never being there for me. fuck you for letting me cry myself to sleep next you to after i got diagnosed. i made you dinner after i got literal chemo. i had spots on my brain. you didn’t even hold me after. you were not there for me. you let me sob and didn’t even look me in hen eye. fuck you. fuck you. i tried to be a cool girl with you. I will never be cool enough. did i ever mean anything to you? was i just a body to keep you company? how can you just be fine? fuck you for wrecking my college experience. fuck you for pretending to love me. how could you love me and still be okay? fuck you for not wishing me a happy birthday. fuck you for never being vulnerable. fuck you for letting me believe i was worth anything to you. fuck u for becoming this twisted villain. i wish i could go back and erase you. i wish you never dated me. i would never have to feel like this. i would never have to be this alone. fuck uou for not trying. i begged you to love me. i begged to be enough. i sobbed to you BEGGING for a change. i beg and beg and beg and you never verbalized anything. i made you love letters, playlists, poems. i planned our future. you played video games. i am pretty, fun, funny. i am kind. i am a good person, and you destroyed me. do you hear me telling you that? you wrecked me. you took my spark and ate it. you took my beauty and stomped on it. you never said or with your words but your actions. i was worthless to you. i wasn’t even worth making dinner or a date. i wasn’t worth dinner to you. I would’ve been your wife. I would’ve been your wife. I would’ve been your wife. do you hear that? i would’ve started a life with you. actually, i did! i derailed my life for someone who couldn’t even make me fucking dinner. do you feel like a man now? do feel like one of the boys now? fuck you. how can i be friends with a man that so blanatly doesn’t care about me? respect me? did you ever? and now you’re gonna go on and paint me the villain, but i think we both know how hard i loved you. remember when i asked you if you thought we were soulmates? you said you didn’t believe in soulmates. neither did i but my love for you was so intense i started too. your love for me was so dull you can just throw me away. i fell so madly in love with you for so long and you thought i was just fine. i was nothing to you. i was just to keep you company? better than being alone? the most sick and twisted part is i do wish you the best. i want you to live a good life and fall in love and feel so much love. i want you to be okay, just wish you could’ve missed me like i miss you. if only for a little while i wish you couldve loved me like i loved you. i want you to have a wife and kids and the life you deserve, i just wish it could’ve been me. i wish i could’ve been enough for you. you loved me like a first love, but you weren’t my first, just my best. this was puppy love for you, but this was soul crushing intense love for me. you’re never supposed to read this, so if you are i on a whim decided to send it. you can take it however you want. you can paint me however you see fit, but just so you know i loved (love) you. i still crave your skin, your mind, your hair. i think i might forever. you hurt me. you hurt me so deep. i feel used. maybe im angry, or depressed, or maybe i just feel disgusted by how much of myself i gave you. you told me we would continue to see each other after (if only to be friends, or maybe more) but you looked me in the eyes and promised we would still see each other, so we had sex. so i continued to be vulnerable with you. but you never intended to stay friends with me or continue hanging out. you just wanted one last fuck. we had sex better than we have in months. is it because you knew it would be the last time? when you dropped off my stuff you kept the car running. im not even worth it to stop a minute? im not worth a hug goodbye? im completely worthless to you. you never even listened to the playlist i made you. how could i expect you to love me? how could i expect you respect me? how could i expect anything at all? i don’t know how to be a person anymore. you never looked at the posts i sent you. you never wanted to go out. you never wanted me. you never wanted me. you never wanted me. i don’t understand how you can just be ok. im sick to my stomach. everytime something happens i just want to call you. i just want to hear ur voice. i just want to see your face. i know you never want to see me again and it’s so hard. the worst part is i don’t hate you at all. i love you so much. why didn’t you love me? how am i ever going to be okay again? how am i ever going to live with this constant pit in my stomach. how can you not want me back? how can you possibly be ok right now? why wasn’t i good enough for you? how are you still laughing and being funny and having a good time? why didn’t you wish me a happy birthday? why don’t you miss me ? why don’t you miss me? why don’t you miss me?

To this day, your tears still haunt me
Your bitter voice still taunts me
Drifting in your boundless eyes
Ears still ringing from your voiceless cries
OH! I remember the days of old
How I fucked, How I whored
Your memories invade me like an incessant hound
I have searched and searched but nothing is to be found
I catch glimpses of your shadow when no one is around
I have dug your grave and lowered you into the ground
I wasted my life in pursuit of the euro and pound
But now I have gone blind and deaf, and I hear no sound
I was thin and small and weak
When you found me by the creek
Now I am a giant
And people call me a freak
When I was a thief and full of strife
You saw in me only a missed life
Pressed against my neck. a serrated knife
You took it away and became my wife
OH! you are an angel made of the purest light
Your eyes are blue, your skin the purest white
I have done many wrongs and I wish I could set them right
For you I lived, For you I still fight
I am rich now but what am I to do with all this money
I miss your laughter, OH! it was sweeter than honey
A bastard from the middle east
Subhuman, a feral beast
Cocaine was my food and heroin my feast
A living zombie, nearly deceased
You are gone now but I am still here
This world is cruel and so very unfair
Are you in heaven or are you in hell
I guess only time will tell
Is there an afterlife or just the endless dark
Rest assured though, you certainly left your mark
THE WORLD IS ENDING
THE ANGELS ARE FALLING
THE DEMONS ARE CRAWLING
AND YOUR VOICE IS CALLING
Calling...... me.........
First of all, thank you for reading my poem. Secondly some context. I have random flairs of creativity and I just write a few lines without knowing where it's going or what is the theme or anything like that. This is what happened to me when writing this. After a few lines, I knew that this poem was about an old man who in his younger days used to be a thief and all-around bad person. However, after finding his lover and wife, He became happy. This poem is written through the perspective of this old man after his wife's death.
I am quite new to poetry, and this is one of the first long poems I have written. I would love to hear any critiques you have. Also, what did you think the poem was about before reading the context. I hope you enjoyed my little poem and thank you for reading it. I hope you have a nice day!

❗️tw: mentions of pet death and seizures❗️ i’m pouring my heart out here because i have no where else to. please don’t read this if you are easily triggered, or not in a good headspace.
about two years ago, my mum got an eight week old puppy. not sure why she got it. i think it was an impulse decision she made. anyway we named her coco. me and coco quickly bonded and she became my soul dog. we had this connection that i just can’t put into words. i’ve never ever felt that type of love before. when i looked into her eyes, she looked back at me with her big beautiful eyes. and it was the most purest love known to man. i had a basket on my bike. i remember i would put her in that basket and we would go on bike rides together. we would go to the beach and watch the sunset. i would lay on the sand, and she would lay on top of my belly. each night she slept next to my pillow. we never said a word to each other, but we never had to. it’s like our souls danced together every time we looked into each others eyes. when she came into my life, i was at a very low point. i was going through really bad domestic violence. i was heavily addicted to drugs and i was very depressed. she brought this light into my life that i just can’t explain. we walked in nature everyday. i became so much more happier. i went into recovery and managed to be a year sober. i was going through really bad abuse at home, but she was always there for me. i remember she was about six months old- i had a really bad suicide attempt. i was laying on the floor and my sister had called the ambulance. coco had started jumping all over me. the ambulance had come and they had to put her in another room because she was in the way. i remember hearing her cries as she scratched the door in the other room. she was my very best friend. my soul dog. and she was all i had. about three months ago, on my 16th birthday, i moved out of my abusive home, and into my own apartment. of course i had brought her with me. i was free. we were free. and i couldn’t have done it without her. about two weeks after moving in, she had developed really bad separation anxiety, from being by herself in the apartment while i was at work. so i decided to get her a friend. i got an 8 week old puppy and named her honey. for about a month and a half, it was just the three of us- me, coco, and baby honey. it was amazing. the three of us went on walks everyday. we would walk through the forest, and i even managed to fit both of them in my bike basket. so we went on bike rides as well. life just couldn’t be any better. we were a little family. but then it all quickly ended. about a month ago, coco (my older dog) started having a lot of seizures. every single day. one after the other. i kept taking her to the vet. they kept doing blood tests. but all the blood tests were coming back normal. they didn’t know why she was having seizures. it’s quite rare as well for a two year old dog to be having seizures. they put her on medication, but the medication wasn’t helping. she had become really weak. she didn’t eat or drink, she couldn’t even walk or get up to pee. for a week, i had stayed home and looked after her. i hand fed her and gave her water through a syringe. she started getting a bit better towards the end of the week. we even managed to go on a short walk. but then the next day, she had woken up and she started seizing nonstop. the whole day she was having nonstop seizures. i took her to the vet hospital and they put her in the ICU. they told me to go home and that they would keep her overnight. i got home, and about 15 minutes later, i get a call saying that she had gone into cardiac arrest. i quickly rushed back to the hospital. they managed to get a heart beat back but she couldn’t breathe on her own. they were manually giving her oxygen for 30 minutes and the vet said that she just couldn’t go on like that. they euthanised her. i walked out the hospital and sat down on the nearest bench and cried my heart out for about two hours. i didn’t even have anyone to call. i was frozen on that bench. it’s been a month now. each night i sleep by myself. there’s no one sleeping next to my pillow. i had to sell honey because i had spent thousands in vet bills, that i couldn’t pay rent. i’ve gone back to using. i use really hard substances every single day. i speak to a therapist but all she says is “i’m sorry to hear that”. i’m tired of hearing the same generic response over and over. and people just don’t get it. they think “big deal, it’s just a dog”. a part of my soul is missing. everyday i wake up and remember that she’s not here. people talk about how they got signs from their deceased pets, but i haven’t gotten a single sign. not a dream, nothing. i want to be with her, but i’m too scared to kill myself. i live in constant chronic pain. my heart is always heavy. i wish she would give me a sign. that she’s ok. that she’s somewhere out there. and that she’s not gone forever. i’m not a religious person, but i’m also not an atheist. i can’t believe something unless i physically see proof of it. but i just can’t accept the fact that when you die, you just disappear forever. i don’t know what to do. i am in so much pain. she was two years old. she was all i had. i am 16 and living on my own. i have no friends and no family. i thought life had just started getting better. i had so many hopes for the future. i wanted to get a farm. or a house with a massive yard. i wanted coco to have all the grass in the world to roll around in. i’ve experienced multiple deaths in the past before, but nothing comes close to this. dogs are the most purest creatures in the world. they will never offend you. you could be the most ugliest person in the world, and they will still love you unconditionally. now every time i come home, i open my door to an empty apartment. there’s no fluffy thing running around in circles between my legs. no one jumping up and down while wagging their tale. just utter and complete emptiness. there’s so many dog toys scattered across my floor. empty dog beds, dog bowls with food that will never be eaten. i can’t bring myself to throw it out, or give it away. it’s all i have left of her. i brought her to the vet and came home with her ashes. at least she’ll never have another seizure ever again.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/203193219-the-fox-summoner-neglected-fanfic by Idatri_Uchiha
Fragments of chapter 2:
Naruto put on his usual orange jumpsuit he wore and Kichiro would wrap around hos neck like a little scarf. No one would notice as it was usually chilly this time of the year. Now Naruto made his way downstairs to head out the door. He passed his family along with Jiraya and Tsunade who was having breakfast, Kushina called out. "Naru-chan? Where are you going?". Naruto turned around to see the whole family look at him in confusion but Menma just glared at him. "Its your siblings birthday breakfast! You should be eating and spending time with them" Minato said with a smile which pissed Naruto off heavily.
"You do realize that it's not just their birthday, don't you? It's also my birthday as well...." Naruto said, clenching his teeth in anger. The whole family minus Naruko and Menma was shocked to the core. They forgot all about Naruto. They were so focused on the Naruko and Menma that Naruto wasn't even a thought. "S-Sure we did, Sochi! We planned of giving Naruko a birthday breakfast, Menma a birthday lunch and you a birthday dinner!" Kushina said with Minato going along with her. Naruto watched all of them in their faces and spoke. "I'm not a dumbass you know. You pulled that out of your ass so fast, you digested the alphabet and shat out that piece of fuckery you called an idea!" Naruto said, heading out the door while hearing Tsunade open her mouth.
"You brat! Apologize to your parents! That was uncalled for!" She yelled. Naruto just scoffed as he left, not opting to stay and hear his mother sniffles and sobbs. Just how bad did they mess this up? Meanwhile, Naruto quickly makes it to his favorite training grounds, the Forest of Death. Once they got their, Kichiro hopped off Naruto's shoulders and landed in front of him. "Okay Naruto! Whats up now?" Kichiro asked. Naruto smiled in glee as he but his finger. "Time to work on my Kenjutsu..... Summoning Jutsu!" He shouted out and slammed his hand on the ground to summon Takeo. The fox itself smiled evily at the
two. "Get ready for your daily tortue routine!" That caused Naruto to
cringe.
"Here! Take this!" Takeo unsealed a wooden sword from his scroll he pulled out and threw it at Naruto. "A bokken? Why not a real sword?". Takeo raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you stupid? When growing up. before knowing how to walk, did you start trying to run and ride bikes and climb trees?". After seeing the blonde shake his head, he spoke. "Then You will have to learn to fight with this before you even think if touching a real sword, kit. Now, let me teach you the katas!" Takeo said es Naruto started training with the bokken without second thought
while Kichiro watched for a few hours
Alter that though, Takeo stopped. "Someone is coming, Naruto. It was a short session so I'll make sure to double your training next we meet Takeo said as he disappeared, only getting Naruto to shake in uncomfortabile, Naruto sighed as Kichiro jumped on his shoulders and Naruto tied the bokken to his shoulders which was the time Two ANBLU came to him. One was a weasle and the other was a dog and the latter spoke "Namikaze-sama, Hokage-sama has requested your presence at the Uzumaki-Namikaze residence.... Naruto frowned. 'Whats this about? They never tried this before? I'm getting a bad feeling from this. Kurama, "Me too kit.....but go anyway! Your "father" has already called for you' Kurama growled.
Naruto sighed as he spoke. "I'll be there" he said as he began to move. "We'll take you there immediately Weasel said as he put a hand on Naruto's shoulder and the three Shunshin to make it in front of the Hokage's mansion which was full of villagers and clans members of Konoha. He sighed as the meade his way through the villagers but once he made his way to the front door to enter, a tipsy villagee stopped him. "Hey!! Y-You're that brat... the N-amikaze ghost c-child!" He said getting a few people attention. Naruto started to grit his teeth. "Yes, that is me What of it, are you going to stop me from entering my own home?" He
said in distain, having to call this place his home.
"Are Y-You threatening me?! You little shit" "Are threatening the
Hokage-sama's son? That is at least punishable by treason!" Weasle
said with an edge. "N-N-No sir 1-1-1 apologize the villagee said as he
drunkily moved aside to allow them to pass. Naruto frowned as he
made his way inside the house with Weasle and Dog following. "You did
not have to do that, ANBU-san. I had it under control". "Be that as
may, Namikaze-sama, I must assure your safety no mattee the cost he
said as they made it into the living area where mostly everyone was.
"Naruto! You little gremlin! Where have you been?!" Kushina said while
Naruko and Menma were behind her.
"I was out training. Thats why I was so late" he respond "Ha! You? Training? Oh please, idiot! You couldn't even throw a Kunai right yet you're training?! Leave it to the professionals, loser" Menma insulted causing the whole party to laugh. Naruto just watched him in an uncaring attitude. To hirn, Menma was a dumbass. Nothing more, nothing less. "Come one Nii-san! Let's open our presents!" Naruko said grabbing Naruto's hand to pull him but Naruto ripped it away. "What presents? You two have presents, /don't. Go ahead an open them, I don't care anymore...." He said looking to the side. The room went silent. They also had forgotten about Naruto but vowed to themselves they would buy or whip up something later, feeling utterly bad about the poor boy.
As Naruko and Menma moved to the table where a pile of presents were, Naruto was being harassed by the villagers and smaller clans that wish the boy a happy birthday and promises of presents from them soon. Naruto knew why they did that, it was to get in better graces with his parents so he just told them to stop with the promises and the leave him the hell alone. Menma and Naruko were just bursting their gifts with glee and obtained new awesome stuff like Kunai, shuriken, etc. Then The godparents came up next with big scrolls.
"Menma, I want you to sign the Toad sammoning scroll, you'll be training under them from here on out!" He said. Tsunade went to Naruko. "And You, Naruko-chan, you will sign the Stug contract and train under them!". The two grinned like idiots and signed the scroll with glee with Naruto watching them. "Heh! You know, if you hadn't given me the fox summoning contract, I'd be rather jealous, ya know he said to the fox, I know, you're welcome kit! Kurama said. "Umm...could. Nii-san sign it too?". Jiraya and Tsunade both widened their eyes in shock. Oh crap/forgot about Naruto! If he signs the Toad/Slug contract, I can hold this over Tsunade's/Jiraya's head for a while! They both thought.
"Yeah sure!" They both said as they raced to Naruto, who was just sitting in a chair in the far side of the room with his eyes closed, hoping that this'll all end soon. He opened one eye to see Jiraya and Tsunade standing in front of him with grins on their faces and scrolls in their hands. "What?" He asked, "Naruto, I present to you the privilege to sigال the Toad contract!" Jiraya smiled. "No way! Naruto! You should sign the Slug contract! Its a way better option for you!" She said with a beautiful smile. The crowd laughed at the actions of the two Sannin. Minato smiled. I hope Naruto picks the Toads, that was my contract when training with Jiraya-Sensei!" He thought
Sochi, please pick the slugs! If you do, me, you and your sister can work together and be closer Kushina thought. Since this morning, Kushina thought about all the times her family has ever done anything with her eldest and when she drew upon none, she ran to the family photos to barely see any pictures of Naruto. She broke down crying in the photo album, she couldn't believe they ignored her baby so much of his life. What is his favorite food? Colour? Hobby? Did he have friends? All these things she didn't know, she knew Menma's and Naruko's but nothing of Naruto. He was like a stranger to her and she hated it. She vowed from then that she would change. So she was hoping she could start with his contract summoning. But when Naruto said his next words, shocked not
only her But the entire party was shocked.
"No, I'd rather not sign either" he said. "W-What? What do you mean you'd rather not?!" Tsunade yelled. "Kid, you do realize that this type of thing comes around once in a blue moon, right?" Jiraya said, "I know but I would rather not, I already have a caple contract". That widened everyones eyes. "Oh yeah?! With who?" Menma said, calling his bluft. Naruto smiled as he but his finger and ran through the hand seals.
"Summoning Jutsul" He shouted as he slammed his hand down and sooner or later, Sonya appeared. "Naruto-kun! You called me? Is there anything could do for you?" She said with usual kindness in her voice.
Everyone around was shocked to their very core. Naruto had the fox contract. This is unbelievable. "No, Sony-chan, just probing a point. You can go now and tell Takeo-Sensei I'm sorry about the interrupted training and we'll continue soon!" He said. Sonya nodded and puffed. out of their plain. "N-N-Naruto? Where did you get that contract?"
Minato asked. "I found it off a deceased shinobi in the Forest Of Death! go there from time to time to train" he said. Menma frowned he marched in front of Naruto, "Give me the scroll, I wanna sign it!", Naruto chuckled and slapped Menma's cheek soft but firm, "Even if I wanted to, I can't it's not up to me! So.....sorry" he said as he passed. Menma and made his way upstairs. "Sochi, don't you want to stay for cake? Please, let's enjoy this time as a family!" Kushina said with a loving smile.
Naruto stayed silent. He felt his chakra flare but he couldn't suppress it in time or in simple words, he didn't try to. He turned to this 'family and guests and spoke. "Family? Family is a strange word to me, it even sounds funny when I say it. Family......Family. It sounds like it doesn't belong in my mouth concerning you guys. Family, thats the most terrifying thing to call this piece of shit group" Naruto said as he ran upstairs in a hurry to go to bed. Once the door slammed Kushina broke down in tears. "He hates us! I knew it!" She said as she ran upstairs to cry. Minato sighed. "Party's over everyone! Thank you for coming but I kindly ask that you All exit, please!" He said as the room cleared out. As soon as it did, Minato made it upstairs to comfort his wife while Merma
and Naruko stayed downstairs
Nii-san....why? Can't you see we love you and we're sorry? She thought
as tears streamed down her face as she cleaned up from the party.
Menma growled. Stupid idiot! Making mom cry! I'll show that worthless
loser he thought as he vowed to make Naruto pay, one way or another.

Today is the birthday of a new Chinese learning method.
I call the method:

eh-cc-tp method for short, eh method, is fine. It is a funny lovely name. 

The goal:

People can start to write notes in a week! The notes can be understood by both Chinese and Japanese, possibly Korean and Vietnamese. They can read novels and poems in a month! Also, the same method should be used for native kids. They are wasting too much time. The saved time can be used for learning 3rd language, e.g. Japanese, Spanish, or Russian ☺️ 

I know you may say it is like selling snake oil.
But I cannot help it — I have a dream, and, I want to help.
Thanks to people’s suggestions, I researched below non-traditional approaches, ie, shortcuts.

Mandarin blueprint Hanzi hero Ninchanese Heisig 

I do not like them, except the last one: I really love Heisig!
The only thing I can complain about it is that it is not extreme enough.
Below are the doctrines of my extreme-heisig method🤪

Sound is not important at all. Writing is the core and the key. It is both the beginning and the end! Tones are even less important. In writing, the basic unit is the component. So, strokes are not important at all. Just draw them, it is an art, for God’s sake! There are only 300 - 500 components. So, we can use brute force to learn them. And they are easy to learn, because etymology is the natural and best mnemonics. But we do not want the free-association mnemonics. We just learn and use etymology. Because etymology is real, it is the truth. Truth and only truth can set us free! Only the true etymology can guarantee components happen in other places and therefore will repeat. Repetition enhances memory. Below leads to cc: Classical Chinese. Written Chinese (again, for Chinese, spoken language is not important at all) is an ancient language. It has a very stable, continuous, and verifiable history for about 3000 years. Nothing in the world can come even close! So, most western linguists can just shut up! But we love professors like Heisig! Written Chinese is also a very young language: modern written Chinese started mostly from post-ww2. Before that, it was Classical Chinese. That classical Chinese is more important than modern Chinese is that it is easier, and, it is more respected. So, just like “written Chinese is the beginning and the end”, Classical Chinese is the beginning and the end! So, to learn Chinese, you should start with learning Classical Chinese! An important note: I assume that you are an adult; that you prefer thinking systematically, rationally; that you learn Chinese to complete yourself, not to finish other’s tasks. If you are young, and in a hurry to learn conversations, this method is ALSO for you: just remember the “beginning and the end”, and, just remember parallelism. Why do we say Classical Chinese is much simpler? Classical Chinese’s “words” are one syllable per word, ie, one character per word. Classical Chinese’s grammar is super flexible and super simple: it has almost no rule! You just put characters together, intuitively as a machine would do. Yes, a machine, a simple-minded robot! As a result, to learn Classical Chinese and begin to be able to use it, is just to remember 3000 characters. Those characters are composed by about 300 components. Now, you tell me, how difficult can that be？！ Below is the last link of the chain, tp: toki pona Modern experimentation of constructed languages shows that only 130 concepts (ie words or characters) should be enough. So, we can start with 130 characters and start to use Classical Chinese. We do not need rote memorization. Because of modern informatics, in recent years, we now have a clear and solid category system to organize those 130 concepts ie characters, and, 300 components, and, 3000 characters. 

I’m going to share my personal encounters & my families experiences in my child hood home..
I’m currently (23F)
1st encounter. One night when I was 10 I woke up feeling unwell and when I got to the stairs to go downstairs to my parents bedroom. I seen a girl in a white gown with long black hair covering parts of her face it looked like she was soaked& unhappy. I ran into my room hid under the blanket & slept it off as I was too scared to go downstairs to turn the lights on.
Current Theories: my mom believes it may be her cousin katie. whose plane crashed in lake Winnipeg in 1999along with her sister & pilot . No plane,debris or bodies ever found I think the only one piece of clothing was found. Nothing was found or even evidence in the water indicating a plane crash. My descriptions of what I seen that night said matched Katie’s description. Her being soaked & unhappy explains why my mom thinks it her b/c she also died on her birthday.
2nd/ 3rd encounter when I was 16 I went into my basement pantry to grab ketchup. As I was on the last few steps of the stairs I heard what sounded like my mom call my name coming from one of the rooms. Although I knew my mom was upstairs in the living room watching tv but I thought maybe she somehow came down without me noticing. I checked the laundry & rec room no sight of her so I brushed it off. As soon as I got to the pantry & grabbed the ketchup bottle that’s when I heard my name again but this time it was right by my ear. I ditched the ketchup & booked it back to the main floor. Few days go by I came home from school during lunch hours. Nobody was home & I went upstairs to my room to grab something & I heard my front door open & shut. I initially thought maybe my brother came home but upon looking nobody was home. I was to sacred to check the basement because of what happened days before & I left the house as quick as possible.
4th encounter this happened in August. When I was 16 my brother (18m) forced my brothers (14m) (12m) my sister (17f) & I to play the oujia board. For context our great grandfather passed away a week earlier & our parents were away this day to drop things off at our grandparents. Nothing happened during the oujia board session. The same night I went back to the basement it was dark not thinking anything ominous was going to happen. As I got to the last step I looked in the rec & what looked like a devil figure poking out from the room. I booked it up the stairs again. Roughly around this time my parents arrived back & I told them what I seen & the oujia board. Oh boy she was mad that we did the oujia board. That night my mom smudged the whole house with sage. Just recently I was watching a paranormal series on Netflix & in one of the episodes it showed the same demonic thing I seen in my basement. Initially I thought it was hallucinatios.
Months after we got a medicine man to bless our home to keeps all the bad energy or spirits away. But it didn’t work
Brother R experience now (25m) first encounter (16m) he was chilling in his bedroom when suddenly his alarm clock was thrown across the room. 2nd encounter was around the same time when I had my second paranormal encounter. He said he heard what sounded like our mom ask him to come find her. For whatever reason he decided to look out the living room window only to see her walking back from the store. When she came inside the house that’s when my brother told her what he heard.
3rd encounter my brother R (18m) was playing hide & seek with brother C (6m). (18m) knew (6m) went into the other room. However (18m) said he seen a figure same height & size as of (6m) run into his bedroom but he checked anyways & no brother in sight. (18m) checked the bedroom he knew (6m) was hiding in & there he was.
Jr now (19m) In the middle of the night my mother seen my brother run across the hallway into the basement. She didn’t think anything of it so she went to bed. Next morning the rec room was a mess & my mom said what happened. Jr (14m) said someone was chasing him & he needed to protect himself so he threw whatever he can at this thing. My mom told him she seen him run down the hallway but nobody was after him.
Sister A now (24F) My sister has always seen shadow figure. She would see them while in the hospital ,on road trip, or in the house .
However one night my sister A (14f) and I (13F) chilling in the room watching vine & YT videos on different devices. I was on the bottom & she was at the top of the bunk bed. For context we had a closed ladder across the hallway between the bathroom & brother R’s room the ladder was used to get to the attic.the bathroom light was on all hours of the night because all my siblings & I get a eerie feeling when it’s pitched black. While we were chilling we randomly looked at the door. We seen a dark figured with an Afro which looked like Brother R(15m) at the time just standing on the ladder. I asked (14F) if she sees it too and replied yes . nitially I thought (15m) was just trying to scare us so I said “you can’t scare us” we were laughing & usually when (15m) gets caught tying to scare us he says something to us. So when it didn’t move or say anything that’s when I got scared & hid under the blankets and went to sleep. The next day I asked (15m) if he was standing on the ladder last night he responded no. Which than freaked me out. I thought maybe it was my late brother who passed in 2005 just checking in as he spent a lot of time in that house & he would have been the same height & build.
Mothers now (44F) Just for context my mother is a spiritual person & she seems to have these gifts.

1. Around 2007 just 2 years after her step son (22m) passed away from being murdered still unsolved to this day ( which will play a role later). Her and (22m) didn’t have the best relationship before he passed as he lied & blamed her for stealing jewelry from her husbands closet. Long story short he (22m)returned it & never apologized for it before he died. Few weeks after she is home from giving birth she went into the kitchen to get the baby his milk & she seen her deceased stepson as clear as day just standing there. She runs into the living room & holds her newborn in shocked. She kept having dreams of (22m) he kept appearing unhappy. She kept getting dreams of what now she thinks the moments leading up to his death but the dreams were not clear & it would only show half the bodies. At the time a few people would appear in the dreams not knowing years later they would be primary suspect.

the next couple days go by she called her grandmother (60F) & told her what is happening.(60f) believed his spirt cannot rest until he’s at peace. (60f) instructed her to yell she forgives him when she’s alone. She does that & the dreams stop.

1. She witness the bible flew from the Tv stand onto the floor. Her keys kept being moved to strange places for example she would place her keys on the Tv stand & than it would be found in between the bookcases & the Speaker which is a tight squeeze.
   
2. Few months after my greatgrand father passed away, she would see Brother C (6m) would say “papa is here” while pointing in the hallway & “papa is okay”
   
3. My mom would see shadow figures go into the basement & our dog at the time would bark from the top of the stairs looking down at the basement.
   
4. My mom was at school one day during a ceremonial circle. She said a spirit came to her saying “tell my daughter I’m at peace & everything is okay” mind you my mom did not know her mother passed away or how she looked like nor was she close to this class mate. After the class ended she pulled her aside & told her what happened she bawled her eyes out & told my mom that they just buried her mother just recently & this was the closure she needed. (I don’t remember the exact kind of identify info was Passed to my mom) I’ll add it when my mom gets back to me
   
5. Two separate instances my mom got a dream from a past loved one & they would come to her in her dream saying “they’re coming home” or “they’ll be okay” a few hours of that dream they would pass away.
   

Brother S now (20m)
When he was 16 he was up late at night gaming at the family computer while everyone was asleep. This night he heard loud banging coming from the ceiling & what seemed like the floor was shaking. He ditched the game & woke up our mom.
Other instances were everyone at some point would hear. random knocks on the front door & nobody would be there. Sounds of someone running up the stairs. Eerie feeling in one specific closet which we ended up boarding it up. Shadow figures.
In 2018 the house was sold & moved into a new place. My uncle drove by the old house in 2019 & seen the new homeowners in the yard. My uncle stops to talk to them saying that we use to live there & was wondering if he heard or seen anything in there. The homeowners said they constantly hear strange noises & things being moved. Right there I knew maybe my family & I weren’t going through group psychosis.
Now that I have finished a psych degree a part of me wants to believe that what we experienced maybe a physical manifestation of some of our fears or even our brains coping with grief or sleep disorders or some kind of science explanation. The other part of me believes the spiritual/religious reasoning behind these encounters. Whenever I had friends over they would get an eerie feeling but would never spent the night because they felt scared. my friends growing up didn’t know what was going on in that house. So who knows 🤷🏽‍♀️

I (27F) have an older brother, 33M. We didn't get along very much as kids due to the age gap, not for my lack of trying. I never really understood why my brother didn't really like spending time with me, because he was one of my favorite people in the world, despite all his bullying.
For context, I'll give some examples of what my brother has done to me over the years with some vague age ranges of when they occurred.
When I was about 3, my brother convinced me that red was orange and orange was red because I was learning my colors in preschool. He also used to steal food like tater tots off my little high chair tray and would pretend he didn't do anything when my mom checked on why I was crying (I was NOT a fussy baby/toddler, so it set off alarm bells when I did.)
I think when I was 4 or 5, my brother came into my room after I had already been put to bed, and he woke me up. Thing is, he was hovering over me with a scary mask on, only the hallway light, and a butterknife. Not sure I really have to explain why that was traumatic. I'm still afraid of masks to this day.
When I was around 10-12, my brother kept drinking all the milk or kool aid that I would make and never replenish/remake it. I told him to stop, he wouldn't, of course. My mom was fostering other children and didn't have time for squabbles like this. So I very visibly spit on top of the kool aid pitcher and left the lid off so it was seen. What does my (reminder, 17-19) brother do? He wrenches the bowl of cereal I'm currently eating out of my hands, spits in it, and shoves it back at me hard enough that it spilled all over me. Now, I'm not an angry person. I'm not a violent person. But I was still a child and fed up with being bullied by someone who was/almost an adult. I never tried getting physical before because I was so much smaller, but I hit puberty kind of early. So I splashed the bowl back at him to see how he liked it. He threw me to the ground and hit me. My mom had to break us up and told us we were both to blame, so he didn't even get punished.
Several times, he would turn the lights off on me when I was on the other side of the room in the basement away from the switch, because I was afraid of the dark for a very long time.
We had Sonic Adventure 2 we shared. If we ever fought about something, or I reminded him it was my turn, he threatened to say goodbye forever to my chao. I am extremely soft hearted so that accomplished what he wanted.
Sometimes I would notice my things go missing. I had assumed maybe my mom put them away somewhere and forgot, but I'm pretty sure I know what happened to them. Especially gamecube games-- Those discs were tiny! He was pawning them for drug and booze money. One time he was drunk and admitted he had been selling his adderall for other drugs. That came to a head one terrible Christmas Eve. Brother was home for the holiday and I'm not very clear on what events led up to it, but my parents caught my brother in the bathroom with a baggie of various drugs that he was already doing. He insisted it was just weed, but my parents didn't believe that. I wouldn't know, I only briefly saw the bag, but it was full of both a large green ball of like leaves and lots of white powder. It was a vicious screaming match for a few hours. I hid out in my room on a different floor and played a video game as loud as I could so I didn't have to hear my family. The screams died down after a while, and I cautiously went out of my room. My brother had left the house for a while. I had a few holiday assignments and decided to just crank them out while my family cooled off, and I did it at the dining room table because that's where our Christmas tree was too and I desperately needed that good cheer magic. I was quietly writing, not saying anything, not making much noise, when my brother came back in the house. He stopped off at the kitchen for something and muttered something rude and belittling to me. At this point I'm a preeten-early teen and he had already ruined the day that had always been magical to me before, as my grandma used to stay over with us on Christmas Eve. She had died rather recently at the time. And I can't tell you exactly what I said. I think I've blocked out as much as I can. I made some snide remark, something like 'at least I don't do drugs' and in the next second I was yanked out of my chair. My brother picked me up by the neck and slammed me against the wall. I know I clawed and kicked against the wall as hard as I could. I blacked out, and I woke up on the floor with my parents absolutely screaming at him that he could have killed me. As a side note to the whole ordeal, he never apologized, and it's made my adult life a lot harder as weed becomes more and more commonplace. Just the thought of it used to send me in a panic attack, I could feel the hands choking me again. I've gotten better about dealing with it, but I still refuse to have it in any part of my life whatsoever. It's cost me a few relationships.
When I was in college, my brother had moved back in with me and my parents because his girlfriend dumped him for being a piece of shit that worked at walmart and did nothing but drink all day despite having a state paid scholarship, that he wasted, because he couldn't keep his GPA above 2.8. He was a music major. The classes he took were things like 'History of Jimi Hendrix' and 'The Beatles'. He just partied too much to even attend class. He took the dog they got with him, not at all prepared for her. The dog is a high energy breed that is difficult to train, and we had two small 5-10 pound dogs at home. At 1 year old, bro's dog was about 30 pounds. He often left for several hours during summers/breaks when I was home, without telling anyone, knowing that I would either hear the dog cry if he crated them and feel bad and let them out or that I wouldn't banish them to a crate if they were already in a room with me. The dog bullied our other dogs and bit at everyone. Dog was incredibly overly protective of my brother-- Trait of the breed. I was back at college for a few months and had spent a good month mourning the loss of a 5 year relationship. I never really heard anything from him. Then out of the blue, my brother asks me if I can let him and dog stay for the night (we live 2 hours from the college) because my mom had kicked him out. The dog had bit her and she snapped at my brother to control his f'ing dog and he responded by calling her, the woman who birthed him, payed for his other college costs, paid back loans he promised to pay to other family members, never charged him rent, and he called her a f'ing female dog. She snapped. While I agree that my mom was completely in the right to do that, I have too soft of a heart to just leave him with nowhere to go. He promised it was just a night so he could get in touch with some friends closer to home and figure shit out. I let him come to me.
I really regret that decision.
At the time I had a new roommate (she was very nice though, I liked her) and a sort of FWB who doted on me for a little while. I texted FWB and asked if he could bring some alcohol by-- I was still 19 at the time, underage to buy it, but FWB was old enough and agreed the man could probably do with a drink. We stayed out on our little porch area to make sure that we wouldn't be disturbing my roomie in any way while we socialized. My brother got really wasted. He told me terrible things about our deceased grandmother (who he knew I had really loved growing up, and had no idea about who she really was because she had always loved me). And he laughed. He laughed when he saw the discomfort on my face. My FWB was feeling pretty bad for me and suggested we go to bed because it was also like 3 in the morning and both of us had class in the morning, so we go inside. The apartment has a shared common room/living room, little kitchen area, and laundry closet. My bedroom is on one side and roomie's was on the other-- Both bathrooms are also ensuite to the bedroom. So I went in and changed out of my clothes into something comfier to sleep in and crawled into my bed, letting my brother do his own thing in the bathroom. I'm just trying to rest and suddenly my brother is pulling me out of my bed and dragging me out of my own room. He's yelling that he's taking my bed, did I really expect him to take the couch? And I'm not very confrontational. I'm flustered, tired, and honestly a little afraid after the neck choke incident. FWB steps in like a hero and tries to calmly explain that its my bed, and I will sleep in it, I have been kind enough to let him stay and he should not be so ungrateful. Brother fucking loses his mind. Starts screaming his head off about how selfish I am and how reliant I am on our parents and won't be able to do anything on my own as an adult (I was financially dependent on my parents at 19 while in college, shocker). He starts drunkenly trying to pick up his dog's toys and searching for his keys, and both FWB and I step in and tell him he can't go driving like this, after like half a bottle of fireball. He at least needs to sober up before he can drive. I stand in front of the front door, as my brother is still searching for his keys, and there is no way I'm letting him out of here right now. Brother has found his keys, and starts pulling at me and hurting me. Lucky for me, FWB had been a pretty good wrestler in highschool. He got my brother pinned down and I snatched the keys, hiding over by the sink in case I had to throw them in there. He's screaming his head off and my poor roommate comes out and asks what the hell is going on because she knows I'm very quiet and tend to keep visitors in my room. I'm like half sobbing trying to explain and the FWB, still pinning my brother, tells her that we're trying to keep him from drunk driving. My roommate does not play around with that. She was in nursing school, and had recently lost a friend to a drunk driver. I don't know how it worked, but she put on her stern nurse tone and told my brother that he was free to leave when he sobered up, or she herself would be calling the cops on him, and both me and FWB could press additional charges for assault. He reluctantly agreed to this condition and FWB let him off the floor, but sat in front of the front door just in case. When he was sobered up, he left, saying 'I hope you like mom and dad, because I'm not your family anymore'.
And that was devastating. I couldn't stop crying. My FWB went back to bed with me and laid me down in bed and let me cry until I passed out. He skipped his class that day to be there for me. I know I don't paint a good picture of my brother, but I did/do love him. I thought now that we were older that he'd mellowed out and we could be good friends like I always wanted. I mean, I made like 300 fake facebook accounts back in the day to vote for his band to be a headliner at a large concert. Just a few years prior when he was home on a break he introduced me to a TV show we binged and he let my lay on his shoulder. (I was/am very touch starved but paralyzed by fear that I'm annoying the other person, and all my friends were made later in life and are states away). When Pokemon Go came out we would take late night drives around quiet places of town while hunting pokemon together. We traded off the controller on online battlefield games and compared scores and the most ridiculous deaths. I really thought that he loved me too, finally, after years of resentment.
He didn't speak to me for 2 years. I didn't find out until later, but my parents lied for him on my behalf that he still loved me and was just annoyed, and gave me birthday/christmas presents that they told me had been from him, just that he was working. I really treasured those objects when I didn't know the truth about them. I got a really stupid mug with the first letter of my name on it in pink and zebra print (two things I don't really enjoy) but I used that thing every single day.
So, these are glimpses into my previous relationship with my brother. I don't really remember when he started speaking to me again, but I sure know he never apologized. He had finally hit rock bottom and asked my father to put in a good word for him at (insert facility with decent pay and good benefits but hard work), which he had previously rejected by telling my parents that it was a shit job. My brother's name got put closer to the top of the resumes. He got in. It wasn't easy work, or comfy sometimes, but it paid well enough to endure that, I guess. My brother used to be rather athletic.
Between the cut off point and then, my brother had worked at a (also generic job) a town or two over and hated the commute. He also happened to find a girlfriend with an apartment sort of close by. She didn't like having him over because of his dog, and almost never let him do any overnight. But now that my brother had a better paying job, she was willing to move in with him, of course. My brother bought a house in our home town and she came with it. She pays a ridiculously low amount of rent to my brother.
If she was home and brother wasn't, the dog stayed crated up because she didn't want to deal with it. Both of them worked, but her job isn't at all difficult. And yet somehow, sometimes pulling doubles, my brother ended up doing most of everything. My brother, who didn't learn to do his laundry until his 20s, ate pizza every single day, and had left used condoms on the floor of his bedroom in our parents house when he left. He did most of the cooking because she says she's bad at it. But will make pies for her mom. When the holidays came around, instead of discussing or rotating, they will always go to her family first. If my brother can come to ours at all. He often misses entire occassions (we don't go out big, but like, cmon. Hand your dad the gift card on his birthday at least, not 2 weeks later).
I also used to get to hangout or see my brother sometimes. Maybe once every few weeks, and it was fun! It was the friendship I had always dreamt of. Now I can't even get him to do anything online with me from the comfort of his own home. I don't have a single text from him this year past 1/27.
At first, we all understood. She was quirky. I was quirky. We share several similar traits and interests. I used to like that and be excited to have a family member like me, but now I dread the day she becomes family.
Let's start with the smoking car. Me and my parents were driving near his street so we could cut through to the highway, and out of nowhere, black smoke starts coming from the hood. My father tells me and my mom to get out and he'll get it to my brother's and out of the road to look at it and see what was going on. This was like.... early August. It was very hot outside. Since I've 'been in the house before' and 'know what it's like' I am 'allowed' to come into my brother's house to cool off. But GF refuses letting in either of them, referring to the messy state of the house. Which, okay, fair-- But its HER messes. My brother cleans up after her. I learned later that GF snapped at him about his family always coming over unannounced and how she has to hurry to put on a bra and everything is messy and we can't just drop in its rude! She says, as her mother and brother do the exact same thing, in a house she doesn't own. But my family let it be water under the bridge for now. My brother called me a f'in a'hole for telling my mom about the conversation. Because my mom was livid.
The next thing is my father. My dad's family has a pretty big history of strokes and heart attacks, and he's had one heart attack. My dad had been in pain all day and he finally gave up at about 3AM and woke my mom up to drive him to the hospital. I don't have a license at this point, so there's little that I can do. My mom says the surgery he probably needs isn't even done here and they're transferring him, my mom asked me to keep my brother in the loop. So I told him about this and about the time they would reach the hospital, because my mom dad gran and I share locations. I asked if he would take me up, I had a bag full of things that might make him more comfortable or less stressed. The hospital they're taking our dad to is a little over an hour away. Everyone is more or less frantic. My brother is talking to work for him, I'm making sure that for however many hours that our pets will be okay and talking to my mom's work. We drive there and nothing major happens, but it was so... Uncomfortable? Tense. The thing that's hurting my dad is a blocked or enlarged blood vessel that cuts off oxygen to the tissue around it, which, cells die, and you really need your colon, the area my dad has an issue with. The thing is, until they can do the surgery, it was like he was a ticking time bomb. My brother takes me home when visitor hours are over and I hold my dogs tight. The next day is filled with lots of pricks pokes and prods at my dad so we don't go that day. We do go the day after, Friday. My brother's GF is in the truck with him. I'm not really paying attention to much of anything because for all we know my dad could die before we got there. Brothers' GF goes to get some snacks from the long drive and the fact that she's not exactly family yet. My brother, mom and I rotate who is away in the cafe and eating with GF. I see GF and my brother whispering angrily at each other. She's tugging at his arm. I manage to pick up 'We're going to miss my mom's dinner!" And I am just stunned. Her mother has a small family dinner every single friday and makes meatloaf. His GF wanted us to head back from our critical father, because she didn't want to miss a weekly event. And I really have to hand it to my brother for not snapping right then and there. He waited until we were in his truck and out of the hospital parking lot and says "How in the f'ck do you say something to me like that? Like, for real, wtf!" GF starts crying and says its a family tradition and her mom is all she has left-- False. She has her mom, sister, and brother, at least. Her father died in a car incident that hospitalized her as a kid. So my brother snaps again like 'are you seriously telling me you value a f'ing loaf of meat over a life? we have no idea what will happen, my dad could die within the hour and i'm not there, he could die tomorrow, how long d-" And GF cuts him off wailing that her dad is dead. Which, yes, is a horrifyingly traumatic experience. But she does not get to play the 'my dad is dead' card ten years after the fact, to justify leaving our possibly dying father before visiting hours ended. She tried to emotionally blackmail my brother by apologizing to me through tears that this must be so hard for me but honestly I was doing my best to block it out, staring at pictures of dogs in hammocks. I shared my brother's sentiment.
But wait, there's more! Remember that car accident GF had years ago? You would think that, if nothing else, she would be empathetic for someone/their family in a car crash? You'd be wrong! I was rear ended at 60 mph right in front of my house after coming home from work (the ambulance took me straight back to work lmao). The physical damage to me was pretty minimal, bruises and a sprained ankle because my foot was pressed on the brake, waiting for an opportunity to cross into the driveway. This was late October 2020. Covid regulations were pretty strict. So I was alone in a room for a while and in pain. My parents had followed the ambulance. My dad had actually heard the crash and went 'huh she usually comes home now' and runs over after seeing the wreckage. My parents had the crash footage, grainy, but there thanks to the cameras set up outside our house. I hadn't realized it by that point but I had a pretty good concussion, and I was hurt, and scared. I was texting my mom constantly but my dad had left his phone at home in the rush to get my mom and she hadn't charged her phone, they'd been in the parking lot for like an hour and a half already. They promised me they'd be back soon, they'll just pop in and let my brother know since he lives nearby. My parents didn't even ask to like, stay and sit with them instead of a cold car. My mom asked to pee and to borrow a charging cable (they had one, GF has the same model phone) given the, you know, situation. My brother barely cracked the door to speak with them. He said no, because GF was uncomfortable, because they were waiting for their second negative test to come in. Read that again. They had tested negative. It's not like my mom would go near anyone to the bathroom either-- The back door that's used more often is literally inches away from the bathroom door. My brother didn't even try to argue with his GF about his own home and some empathy for someone else dealing with a car crash. It absolutely disgusted my parents. And later on brother told me he got another earful about our parents just dropping in without notice and its like? Excuse me? Its his house!
Unfortunately, a tire popped on my parents' car when we were nearby. It was like, 3 years since the first issue with the car. I went inside and asked my brother to let my mom in because its raining. GF did not like that, and didn't realize I could overhear her down the hall, arguing with my brother and his family again. I went over the next day to my brother and he was actively cleaning up GF's mess so it wouldn't be as 'embarassing' for her. I sat him down and talked to him as realistically as I could. I have depression, anxiety, emotional abuse trauma, agorophobia, and very few friends. But I'm okay. He started very quietly expressing his frustration towards GF. She doesn't do much around the house or contribute financially, lets her family over but not his, him doing most of the cooking despite regularly pulling 12s. I sat there calmly, because of course I knew this. This is what makes the situation somewhat even more sticky. I asked my brother, "Do you actually love someone like that? Or are you afraid to be alone?" He's been in one relationship or another for most of my life. Lately he had been confiding in me about how bad his mental health was falling and I was like 'that's not a slump, that's. that's depression.' So when I asked my brother the question, he hesitated. That spoke loudly enough in my opinion. But then I also saw my brother's face crumpling as he admitted he just didn't want to be alone. GF wants babies but my brother knows with her medical history and condition on top of being so lazy and bluntly told me she would not be a good mother and hopes to God that day doesn't come. He is so unhappy being with her. We both heard the rustling of a comforter and my brother lowered his panicky voice and asked me to leave so she doesn't see me here. That is incredibly messed up, especially since its his name on the house. I haven't seen my brother at his house since then, and that was over 2 years ago.
During COVID, GF started working from home, and it stayed that way. My brother still takes care of most things.
In the mean time, he's proposed to her. Yeah. I managed to save things when all our faces dropped at the Christmas dinner he announced their engagement at. My brother calls her by a nickname that was also the name of a beloved family dog that had passed away only one month ago. My dad and my reactions at that time were genuine confusion and sadness about him bringing up our passed pet. Everything was pretty quiet after that. When we got home, I texted my brother and told him that hearing our dog's name in conversation after losing her so recently shattered us, be we were, in fact, happy for his engagement.
I lied.
None of us want him to marry her. I dread the day that I get a wedding invitation or GF shows up pregnant. She would be a terrible mother. My brother is aware of the fact that my parents think she's a rude, inconsiderate brat that only thinks of herself, from that earlier conversation that I talked to my parents about. My mom snapped that they don't have to like her, all they were required to do was be civil, and we are, so shut up.
At larger family functions GF tends to gravitate around me. Like I said, we have similar interests and personalities. And I have never told her to get lost or had it in me to upfront tell her we don't like her. I am absolutely horrible at confrontation, but my patience is wearing thin.
Last year my parents set up brunch for Mother's Day. We were at the table when my brother called and said they were going to urgent care because GF had another one of her migraines that make her vomit. Which, she takes medicine and has injectable solutions. Some situation always comes up with her right before my brother would come to us.
My parents tried again with the Mother's Day brunch last week. On the day of, he said that he was too tired to come, can we try next week? Please insert the eyeroll of the century.
Because of our clear dislike, my brother doesn't often bring his GF around anymore on the offchance she lets him. It occurred to me that my parents planned the same brunch as last year, and I was dreading my question. "Is GF coming with us for brunch?" They don't know. All my brother did was confirm the time and place. The thought of having to deal with her in the morning and pretend that I don't see her for what she is, is already exhausting me. I can barely get my brother to even play online with me. I feel like this has been festering long enough that at some point, its all going to overflow at once. But I am absolutely disgusted by how she takes advantage of my brother's fear of being alone and how the world revolves around her.
I had a dream the other day, actually, it was a good dream. I was at their wedding, and the priest guy said the standard 'speak now or hold your peace' and I stood up and loudly shouted OBJECTION! Every single person in the room turned to look at me, one because I don't raise my voice like that, two my patience is vast, and three, to upset me to this level of shouldering my anxiety by making a spectacle of myself. I then explained every detail, especially how much she was charged for rent, that my brother admitted he wasn't happy, and I wanted better for him than to just be an ATM maid.
If I bring this up to my brother again, I may lose him forever. But if I don't, he may be miserable together. And on the third side-- Do I actually really want my brothers' friendship at this point? Like, I'm definitely fed up dealing with his GF like she is. Plus, I pointed out and reiterated to him before that he admitted he wasn't happy.
I am very, very quiet by default. Never got into much trouble. I was and still am a gentle soul at my core being. If things get to a point where I cross lines of polite manners and call someone out on their bs, people around know that someone did something almost unforgivable. I'm wondering if my brother would know that.
TLDR; Brother's fiancee is disliked for good reason. My brother has isolated. I miss him, but also never want to see him again. I want to remind him that this marriage isn't a good idea, but I don't want to antagonize him.

Sveiki! I lived in Lithuania some twenty years ago and can still speak Lithuanian pretty well. I was invited by an academic colleague of mine to participate in a poetry reading, specifically to read a Lithuanian poem in Lithuanian. From my colleague:

I teach a course about Russian culture and the legacies of Russia's imperial domination in Baltia and Eastern Europe. On June 6th at noon we hold a poetry reading event in honor of Pushkin’s birthday; speakers of languages from the region read poems by various writers in their respective languages (at this point we have speakers of Russian and Polish) while the students read English translations of the poems.

I'm wondering what poets or poems you all would find particularly suitable for the occasion. Anyone come to mind? FYI, I'm hoping to find a female poet, and the poem should be reasonably short. Thanks!

When I first met you, I was broken, I was skeptical of why you were calling me out for lunch after an exam. I've never had anyone, ever, not my parents, not my brother, not my "friends". My childhood, my teenage, were so painful, I had grown up deprived of anything even remotely affectionate, I was never seen as a person by anyone, but an object, someone to use and throw away. But you, it's as if you saw everything about me, you just knew what I needed even when you had no idea about what my life had been like. You saw me as a person, you treated me differently than others, you seemed more, affectionate. You painted my nails, the first time you did that was the first time I felt safe, as if you'd protect me from anything. You brought me coffee when I was sick, ditching your friends at a restaurant, I felt cared for, for the first time in my life. You asked me if you could hug me, because somehow you knew that I'm uncomfortable with hugs. You knew that I had these horrific illnesses I suffer from, and yet you were by my side. The way you held my hand, the way you looked into my eyes, the way you just made me feel "loved", something that's so strange to me. Your birthday was coming up, I got you a film camera and let's just say I was very broke for a long time, I had also painted you something, both of which you never got. I don't get why what happened, happened. You broke off all contact on a random evening, as if a switch was flipped. You said you had a lot on your plate and I respected your boundaries, but you never contacted me again. When I asked you why, you said that I changed, which I really didn't believe. I told you about my feelings, and asked you if you once shared them too, which you denied. Was I too late to confess my feelings? I don't know, we had only known each for three months or so. I think about you, all the time. I dream of you, about what could have been. I lost my ability to trust, I lost my ability to be vulnerable around anyone, no one made me the way you made me feel. It's almost been three years, every poem, every song I write is about you, it's scares me that I'll stop seeing you as college ends. Even if I never looked at you in lectures, I acknowledged your presence, I knew you were doing well. I'll have one last look at you soon, I'll acknowledge your presence one more time, I'll try my best not to cry.
I love you, my moonlight.

Island Headcanons:
Ezekiel: Loves to make up stories and put on shows for his parents as a "school project"
Eva: Secretly enjoys the idea of taking gym selfies to show off her progress
Noah: Isn't actually lazy, but is one of the most active people you will ever meet with his favorite sport being dodgeball
Justin: Is cousins with Alejandro and absolutely loved doing his make up when they were younger
Katie: Can Easily make friends with tons of people and makes clothes for her entire town as a small secret business from Sadie
Tyler: Doesn't actually like sports, but moreso tinkering with things to see how they work, like the scoreboards for Basketball games
Izzy: Escaped a mental hospital she lived in all her life and lived with a strange woman who she was convinced was her mom
Cody: Loves coding things he thinks will impress his fellow students, but doesn't have the guts to show them
Beth: Is actually one of the most popular students, well, not for the right reasons anyways
Sadie: Has a secret hair styling business that Katie doesn't know of
Courtney: Has abusive parents who push her into doing things she doesn't want to, but she has an absolute secret love for horseback riding
Harold: Loves making poems for all the girls he falls in love with and see them try guessing which jock wrote them
Trent: Loves making cars, trailers, camper vans and motorcycles in which he wants to be able to survive any and everything that would be a threat
Bridgette: Loves snowboarding during the winter and has even won a couple of competitions
Lindsay: Has learned to make her own makeup and tests it out on a dummy her dad got her for her 13th birthday and plans to open a business
DJ: Opens a restaurant at his home town in which everyone comes to try him and his mom's cooking
Geoff: Has 6 older brothers who his grandparents have the habit of comparing him to, considering they're not as wild as Geoff and his 4 younger brothers
Leshawna: Can actually dance and just acts like she doesn't for show
Duncan: Enjoys seeing angry looks on his parents faces when he gets in jail for absolute no reason
Heather: Has always wanted to be either a queen or a hair stylist and secretly envies Gwen for being brave enough to dye her hair
Gwen: Secretly envies Alejandro and has a huge crush on Heather
Owen: Knows how to say Alejandro and calls him Al just to annoy him
Blaineley: Is secretly a teen and lied about her age so Chris would never know, but Chris does actually know
Sierra: Secretly has a huge crush on Chris but covers it up as a crush on Cody but loses her crush when he gets mad at her for blowing up his plane, but she still has that crush come all stars
Alejandro: Secretly has a huge crush on Courtney even after he didn't find her of use anymore
ROTI Headcanons:
Anne-Maria: Loves doing Zoey's hair and has a huge crush on her instead of Vito
B: Knows ASL is just scared that the other contestants don't know it so he chooses not to talk, only Dawn knows this
Brick: Is secretly gay
Cameron: Is actually more stronger and even works out with Jo sometimes
Dakota: Is best friends with Anne-Maria, who used the money from the diamond to help her be able to control Dakotazoid
Dawn: Has one weakness nobody knows, and that's Jo
Jo: Secretly has a crush on the aura-reading girl.
Mike: Izzy zapped him and now he's forced to live with his personas as his family
Lightning: Didn't lose the season and made his dad extremely proud of him
Sam: Loves creating video games for Dakota to play to calm her down so she doesn't become Dakotazoid
Scott: Loves making things out of wood and tried making Fang a gift so he would leave him alone, it didn't work well
Staci: Only lies because she's afraid to never make friends
Zoey: Loves making clothes for all the female contestants
PI Headcanons:
(Note I don't have much)
Sammy: Is much more popular than Amy at school so Amy tries to make her life hell at home
Shawn: Has schizophrenia and escape a mental hospital when he was 6 years old and the "zombies" he sees in his mind are the doctors
Reboot Headcanons:
(Also not much)
Julia: Secretly is jealous of Nichelle, MK and Wayne and has a huge crush on all of them
Priya: While she's trained all her life, she is not ready for high school yet
DC1:
(Also not much so do bare with me, for the last four seasons there isn't much headcanons)
Ellie & Jake: Are secret siblings who have never met up until Disventure Camp cause their parents divorced when they were 1 years old. Tom and Gabby find this out and start acting hostile towards' the other's lover
DC 2:
Tess & Aiden: Are also secret siblings (cause I love the idea of them never knowing until later in life) and Aiden's "parents" decide to take Tess in so they can have sibling time they never got to have
What do you guys think?

So would I be considered an A-hole if I told this girl who rejected me a year ago to go kick rocks after what she did?
We became really close friends after three years of working for a social media giant as content moderators. Since I was her senior, I helped her out a lot with the policies, and she also in turn helped me become more sociable as I am a high functioning autistic person, and she has social anxiety disorder, since she doesn't have money, I supported her by paying for her acidity therapies and SAD therapies, where she borrowed some money from me.
I also helped her with dieting, and going to the gym, since she has an unhealthy bodyweight.
I thought our feelings are mutual and I confessed she said no, and I told her I hoped you find a man who loves you more than myself and I moved away from her for about a week ( no more talking, no more reading books, or exchanging letters), and she left messages saying a LJBF spiel, which I said no to a lot I also told her that I would not pay for her therapy anymore because I need to be far away from her as it ruins the chance of me moving on she said okay, but kept asking me time and time again for money, because she likes this new guy, and they went to a beach with her friends and team mates so I didn't lend her anymore, and cried when I found out she didn't attend the last therapy I booked and refunded the money to buy him reebok shoes.
She has called me multiple times to try and become friends again after this bad rejection and falling out because she spoke badly of me to her friends and when I heard that they were laughing at me, calling me names like stalker, maniac, and ugl and autistic, also and using the system data to stalk my profile because I unfollowed and I blocked her from all of my social media pages. She also threw away a bouquet we bought for her mother, her meds for her stomach ulcer, and the tablet and nicholas spark book I bought for her at fully booked.
I was angry and yelled at her, and told her to never contact me again.
I found out that our close friends were influencing her decision to date that other fellow, who was applying for the position I had and they made up stories of me harassing her and they were close with our female boss who believed them, She even said she vomits at the sight of me, and gets sick when she hears my name seriously I never talked to them again, and when our boss chose the guy she likes for promotion as team lead for the Insights project, I left the job in disgust because I was actually the one contributing to our account with awards and insights for four years, and improving their policies I even got a Eureka award but nothing came out of it because they gave him the project I worked hard for 4 months and I didn't get the LEAN certification, since it was awarded to that dude.
Then yesterday, She then became really apologetic and wanted to repair the damage, but I don't want to be friends and develop any feelings for her again. The company also gave me another job offer after I resigned but I don't want to return there anymore due to bad memories, and people backstabbing me, especially the one I thought who loved me.
I gave her an e-book of the poems she asked me for her birthday and blocked her again and all our mutual friends, because she contacts me through them. I also made mention that this would be the last time I'm ever speaking with her.
She made a new insta and initiated a follow but i blocked it. She left a voicemail crying about this and she wants to see me and talk things out, but I don't want to be reminded of her because I feel that she's plotting something again and I trust my instincts. I felt used, but I can't stand the sight of a loved one crying over the phone, since it triggers me and it has never happened before.
I don't want to go back to that job so I don't meet her again, but I'm out of money and destitute as my mother retired and my father is busy with our farm, so I'm all alone in the city and need the job again since there's no boxing fights right now I can join the card so what should I do? Do I go back to the same company who used me and threw me away like nothing.

Kyoshi book 1 is the epitome of ‘a meeting that could have been an email’. Its book that should have been a graphic novel. A story that should have been a wikipedia page.
SPOILERS, though I am saving you the read.
TLDR: The story telling is mediocre, and the story would have been just as compelling as a bullet pointed list of story facts. It flubs, glosses over and skips all portions of story that would have required any amount of clever writing or skill. The story is comprised of cringey tropes. This book will not sit among the original series in the annals of history. It sits below Korra and just above M Knight’s film adaption and the disgraceful Netflix reboot.
First, the idea of there being immense trouble identifying the Avatar is a good plot point. Having Kuruk’s team find and teach the next Avatar and have opposing ideals is also a good plot point. Yee also describes the martial arts okay enough, but this is an inherent obstacle when turning highly visual source material into text. This concludes my praise.
Yee tells, but doesnt show. Show more teambuilding and friendship between Kyoshi, Rangi and Yun. They only come together once in the same room to hang out before the main conflict happens, and its a superficial scene straight out of an 80s slasher movie. They come together solely to ‘show’ them being a team as they hang out and exchange banter. This is the first of Yee’s pseudo-“show, don’t tell”. It appears like the story is showing us something, but it is still telling us. It is characterized by vapid, juvenile writing in a scene that is largely inconsequential to the story.
Make the misidentification of the Avatar weigh on each of them and test friendship. Show her being found by Kelsang. The jump forward 9 years is jarring and leaves logic way behind. If she was raised by Kelsang, why didnt he finish testing her as the Avatar? Why did he take pity and raise her after traveling the world and seeing other homeless children? Why didnt she give back the clay turtle relic? Kyoshi is abandoned when she is old enough to remember being abandon, but doesn’t remember where she got the turtle. This line is another example of pseudo-show. Why don’t we dont get any insight into the moment she is abandon? We do not know any of these things. Including these scenes in the book would have made it longer, but its the juiciest piece of the character development. The length of a book is largely forgivable if it is captivating. This is like if you order a burger and they only bring you a bun and a slice of bib lettuce. Its missing the most crucile part.
Show Yun being incorrectly identified as the Avatar. This scene has to be so interesting. There is nothing in the book about this at all. This seems like another artful dodge around having to write something clever, and that tends to be difficult.
Show Kyoshi’s Avatar state. ‘Blacking out’ is not a mysterious way to tell stories. Its a cop out of writing something the author finds difficult. Also, a character can black out and not remember doing something AND the author can still describe it as it happens to the reader. Choosing to ommit more juicey story speaks more to the writers lack of confidence in their writing.
The fans and helmet of her parents are forced clumsily into the story at the height of the inciting incident. They could have been introduced any time. For example, when Kyoshi connects with her parent’s old crime ring and they could be presented to Kyoshi as relics of the group’s deceased leaders. Instead they are introduced to the reader by Kyoshi dropping her luggage and they fall out in the rain and mud. It reads like a scene that is meant to be a story board for a cartoon or comic.
We dont get any insight into Kyoshi’s parents being dead or alive. Kyoshi doesnt seem to ask anyone either. Why? Seems like a reasonable question.
Kelsang realizes Kyoshi is the Avatar when she does some improv poetry that happens to be Avatar Kuruk’s favorite poem? That was the best idea you got?
Kyoshi has a sky bison named PengPeng? Find a new method of transportation, the flying bison had been done before. Pengpeng is also only used as transportation. She doesnt have any personality like Momo and Appa. Total strikeout.
When something new develops that is supposed to surprise the reader, like Kyoshi’s mother being a disgraced airbender, Yee doesnt show this. This is explained away in a moment of dialogue like “once upon a time, this happened.” Then the plot moves on. And what motivation did she have for keeping this from Kelsang? Maybe they knew each other? They are both airbenders who have killed before, which is significant in the fiction. This could have been an opportunity to connect characters and create intrigue. But we only learn this at the end of the book for no reason.
Love between ATLA characters is subtle in the show. Katara and Aang will end up together and we know this implicitly. Sokka loves his friends, particularly Toph, because of the actions we see him take to help her. Rewatch the show, you will see what I mean. However this is not a major plot point that is touched on each episode. Zuko and Mei are together but they are pulled apart temporarily by character motivations. It skips the filler and gets right to the interesting part. However in Kyoshi book 1, love between Rangi and Kyoshi is vapid and foreshadowed from the first pages. Lets set lesbianism aside, its not the issue. The issue is that this love story is not compelling chiefly because we are told they care for each other but are only shown this in the back half of the book on a surface level. Even when we are shown these things, its not believable. The characters act like teenagers do in 2024 America, not like how teenagers would act in a world coming off the heels of a 100 year war. The characters are young, but they have roles, careers, and the responsibilities of adults. This stems from the same problem Yun has with Kyoshi and Rangi. We don’t see them becoming or being friends. We are told they are friends. Thats it.
This connects to Rangi’s character being ambivalent and emotionally indistinct. Rangi is played as a tough, no nonsense soldier that is hired as Yun’s personal bodyguard, the most important job next to being the avatar yourself. But her expressions of love are juvenile and childish. In one scene she is scolding Kyoshi on her duty toward being Avatar then in the next she acts playfully excited like an American weeb teenager when Kyoshi bends water for the first time. Rangi is poorly written and has poor motivation to her Avatar duty. She contributes nothing practical or technical to the story but love interest. If she is a child prodigy badass that earned the job of protecting the Avatar, she should act like it.
Hei Ran, Rangi’s mother, does nothing consequential to the plot. Why have this character? It is stated she knew Avatar Kuruk. The least she can do is bring it up more.
AND FINALLY, Kyoshis character is very opposite from who we see in ATLA. Obviously this is to show growth, but the timid Kyoshi inexplicably switches to confident and intimidating Kyoshi without any growth, then switches back to timid again. We know kyoshi as a tall, confident, matter of fact, powerful bender who sees no difference between murdering Chin the Conquerer and letting him fall to his death. But here we see a still tall, but petulant teen. She is afraid of her bending. She is inconsistently overconfident. She is squemish about murder. Perhaps the growth occurs in book two, but then again change is gradual. We should see some examples of change now. She grew up a homeless street urchin. She needs to act like it.
Yun struggles with his bending but also keeps smiling and acting like everything is ok. This trope is exhausted to death by anime. We do not see a human side of Yun. He is not tortured by the training or the fatique of not being able to bend fire or the pressure and expectation of being Avatar. He just smiles and flirts with Kyoshi. He also asks her to go with him to a peace treaty signing with pirates all because he wants to have her there so he feels loved. But this thinly disguises the fact the author needed a reason to have her at the signing so she can earthbend and save everyone. Take Rangi, your apointed body guard.
Yun returns at the end of the novel as a deus ex machina and kills Jianzhu in an admittedly badass way. 10/10. However, Yun is dead, reappears as a ghost, then earth bends. The possibility of this within the fiction is near zero UNLESS FC Yee is trying add to the lore of spirit magic and bending. To that I say “Learn to be a better writer first.”
Kirima is an okay character. We traditionally see water benders as good guys, but she is a tough leader of a gang of criminals. Again we are told that, not shown. 5/10. Mid teir.
Wong is a worse comedic relief than Sokka. Where Sokka learns to become a leader from a close minded sceptic and redeem this quality, Wong is indistinct from any other background earth bender. He eventually becomes Kyoshis earthbending teacher and he starts to fill out a teacher role but is still indistinct. Up until this time, he carrys no air of educator at all. Remember, he’s a pirate criminal. This turn of character seems to come from the team learning that Kyoshi is the Avatar, something she kept secret. But Wong is the only one who changes their behavior based on this. Meeting the most important person in the world doesn’t effect them, I guess. Doesn’t seem reasonable.
Lek is a kid that idolizes Kyoshi’s parents, but acts out like a toddler when she speaks poorly of them. I am left feeling disatisfied by a criminal outlaw that throws tantrums when someone speaks ill of their pseudo mommy and daddy. Lek is poorly written as a rival to Kyoshi, if if fact that was Yee’s intention. You see it in their banter and interactions. Lek is killed by a poison that only incapacitates all others effected. It was like the author needed him to die real quick and didnt know how to do it, but also didn’t want to rewrite the chapter.
Now is a good time to mention that characters can be annoying to other characters, but they should not be annoying to the reader. Doing this is a form of self sabotage. Its like serving up raw eggs for breakfast on purpose and calling it art. You just wouldn’t do it.
Lao Ge is poorly written too, despite being an interesting character idea. Lao is meant to be Kyoshi’s spiritual leader in this story. He leads her to the ancient technique of prolonging ones life with spirit magic. But this man reads like an embarassing drunk uncle that no one responds to when he speaks. He acts like he’s cool, wanders off constantly and returns covered in blood to a group thats asks no questions. Criminals still ask questions. In fact, they are more paranoid on account of being criminals. For example, there is a scene where they leave without him and realize they forgot him and have to go back. This scene amounts to nothing. Why was it in the book? Whoops, he’s also a master assassin. We are told this over and over but never see it in action. Boo. Don’t suggest violence. Show us violence.
Why is this group of criminals still together anyway? They lost their leaders, Kyoshi’s parents. Wouldn’t the find new jobs? Thin the herd. Theres too many characters.
Jianzhu acts more suspicious after he is identified as the villain which is a trope found in childrens television to remind children he is bad now. The fact it is here insults the readers intellegence. His villain motivations are not explained well. Does he care more about identifying the Avatar than his lifelong friend Kelsang or the life of the innocent? Also, a villain doesnt need to kill someone to be identified as the villain but youll find that trope here too. Clever writing can remedy this all the same. He does do cool evil guy things, but they are explained after the fact instead of showing him coniving these schemes and putting them into action. His death is awesome, but his final confrontation with Kyoshi is not spectacular. There is no final battle like one might expect. He the one that ghost Yun kills.
It is unclear if this book is meant for a YA reader audience or the adult audience that watched ATLA as kids. The story is grittier, bloodier and violent with explicit deaths and torture. All the while bearing a sheen of squeeky clean Nickelodean dialogue and unfunny humor that has an obvious limit. The book says they swear, but the exact words do not show up in dialogue. Characters are impaled and gored, but the 3rd person narration takes breaks from descriptions of this for quippy commentary on the things happening. Who says these things? Kyoshi? But its in third person. This clashes with the perspective and shows indecision on the part of the author.
The perspective is stuck between 1st and 3rd. 1st serves better for the YA audience where Kyoshi might think these quippy things to herself or have thoughts that help the reader understand context better. 3rd person would serve the adult audience better with a matter of fact telling of the story. Maybe even change between characters in some chapters and fill in some of these gaps. Instead the book strattles the line between these two perspectives and suffers greatly. You have humorous commentary and scene descriptions coming from the same source. It breaks immersion when the reader is stuck wondering who is telling the story.
YA is an oversaturatedand flawed genre anyway. Its almost designed to trick teens into thinking they are reading adult books.
Yee includes too many comparisons, similies and analogies. Each one is meant to create world building, where the text compares a creature in the ATLA world to a situation at hand. But they start coming up too often in the back half of the book. This also seems to rise in frequency as descriptions get vaguer. It felt like Yee lacked the proper lexicon to describe what was happening as the story approached the end. Analogies should be used to explain difficult things, not just thrown in recklessly.
One moment sticks out from this book that reminds me of ATLA. While Yun and Kyoshi are silently trying to meditate before Jianzhu summons a spirit to finally identify the correct Avatar, the two teens speak for a second. Eyes closed, Kyoshi whispers “You know what would be funny? If neither of us were the Avatar.” This captures elements of friendship between the two kids, character humor, and SHOWS these two still care for each other no matter what happens next. Yun’s response isn’t even remotely appropriate, memorable or clever. The opportunity is a total loss.
Another moment of total loss and tonal dissonance is when Kyoshi, Rangi and the convicts go to a hidden secret criminal town that is described as being so cut throat, you don’t even look at people in the eye. Just then the group sees two men collide after turning a blind corner and drop their stuff. Page 224. They exchange appologies, act very polite, and depart. (This is told to the reader, not shown with appropriatly funny dialogue). Lek then explains the two men will meet tonight on the challenge grounds and fight to the death. However, that night at the challenge grounds, you don’t see those characters; a total whiff on Yee’s part. Instead you read about one man bludgeoning another man to death with barehands in pure gladitorial bloodsport. This scene shows the whimsy of ATLA, the gorey violence that Yee wanted and his befuddled attempt at writing something that blends the two.
All of this leads me to conclude the book is for a YA audience, which is unfortunate because ATLA was for everyone; YA, adult and children. It is a children’s show that adults can find a surprising amount of depth and humor in. Yee’s doesn’t hold a candle to the writing of Aaron Ehasz.
The argument that this books is allowed to be bad because its for kids falls apart for the same reason. The expert writing of Aaron Ehazs in ATLA is what imortalizes it to this day; the dialogue, the characters, and the story. ATLA is a kids cartoon by which all cinema and television are compared. This is simply not on that level.
When this level of integrity is left to be followed up by an author with one previously published work, underdelivery should be expected. Kyoshi book 1 is FC Yee’s second published work and it shows. I would be interested in learning more about FC Yee’s past unpublished experiences in writing and qualifications.
So again, this book is like a meeting that should have been an email. The story is not “worth the read”. The historical facts are more valuable. For example, telling someone that Kyoshi’s dad is a pirate earthbender and her mother is a disgraced criminal airbender is a total surprise and sparks good speculative conversation. But the way the novel presents this information is clumsy and ignorant of how rare these circumstances are within the fiction. These historical facts are just as compelling when read on the Avatar wiki page, negating the necessity for a book in the first place. I think this is symptomatic of writing a prequal too. We know enough about Kyoshi to be interested in her character, so the facts about her should be presented interestingly with art and showmanship.
This book leaves me with the sneaking suspicion that most of what FC Yee knows about writing was learned from anime, a genre so polluted its not worth even sifting through to find quality content. Hot take, I know.
His other books on Genie Lo (2017, 2020) are teen dramas with ‘the chosen one’ trope, as the summaries suggest. That must be why that shows in this book. Maybe FC Yee can only write one type of book.
Yee is also not an author by trade. He said in an interview that he works in mobile gaming as the guy who makes “everything less fun by adding stuff to the game you have to pay for.” He went to college for Economics, or so I read on his wiki page.
His book publisher proposed the two book series idea to Nickelodeon, it was not a matter of the creators carefully hand picking a writer. He also only worked with Mike DiMartino. In his interview, he says he did not work with Bryan Konietzko and never even mentions Aaron Ehasz. I believe this is to the great detrement of the story.
I’ve heard that people really liked this book. However, I wonder if that is genuine affection or the same kind of denial Star Wars fans had when the Phantom Menace came out. I draw this parallel because my father was that person. He recomended this book to me and gave it high praise in the same way he did when Phantom Menace released.
The fans, my father and myself included, are starved for any canon ATLA material. Feeding the fans undercooked meals is no way to make a fanbase grow. The ATLA fanbase already got food poisoning from M Knight’s movie. It recovered, but at a cost. I hate to think what might happen after the Netflix show and the animated movie of adult Aang.
I understand that Yee was a fan of the material. In fact, he and I share the same favorite character. So know that this is not an attack on a fellow fan of ATLA, I simply believe Yee is not the man for this job. Avatar deserves better than to be relegated to a YA novel lost in a sea of overproduced assembly line YA content. Avatar deserves a better writer. Save your fine cutlery for fine dining, don’t use polished silver to eat fast food.
To end, I leave you with this: if you want more Avatar content, gather some friends and play the Avatar rpg by Magpie Games. It is the most fun I’ve had in the ATLA world since I was a kid. If you play it right, you get that same sense of magic you got back in 2005 when Book Water came out.
Below is a link to an interview with Yee.
https://thenerdsofcolor.org/2019/07/15/from-fan-to-avatar-writer-f-c-yee-on-developing-the-story-of-avatar-kyoshi/amp/

I just came from a reading with a psychic medium and they pretty much told me nothing and got everything wrong. I'm quite disappointed because I do believe in psychics and the spirit world and this woman is regarded as the best psychic in the area and has lots of glowing reviews saying she gets names accurate and is amazing. She's been on TV and is somewhat of a celeb in the area. She's expensive too so I was pretty hopeful.
She started off asking me where I was from, if I had a boyfriend and what my job was...I was thinking em...I thought you were meant to know that stuff? Then says "who recently lost a baby in the family?" I was like "no one?". Then she started spouting off names "who is carl? collin? william? nicholas? richard?" like she just kept going and I was saying no to all of them because they were wrong and I have a small family. It was obvious she was guessing and I was kinda embarrassed for her. She told me my boyfriend works in a restaurant as if that was a fact and I was like "no actually, he works remote" and then doubled down saying "then who works in a restaurant?" and I literally don't know anyone who does so i was like...."no one I know of?" then said "who was gonna get a tattoo?" again....no one I know of. She said "who's birthday is in august?"...no one. She said "what's the connection with 3? are you one of 3 siblings or your mom or dad?"....nope. She also said "who has knee problems?" no one... I guess she got unlucky with me having a small family and her usual tactics didn't work. I was beginning to realise I had wasted my time and money.
Throughout the whole reading I was hoping to get a message from my deceased grandparents but there was nothing. I understand psychics may interpret things incorrectly sometimes or get messages mixed up but I mean, she literally didn't get anything right...at all. Not one name, nothing. It's not like she's some poor lady either trying to make a few bucks, she lives in a massive house and is obviously wealthy and has been doing readings for decades so I thought she was legit.
She asked to see pictures of my relatives so I showed her. Then when the reading was over and nothing was really said, she said she wanted to give me another reading next month free of charge and to send her the pictures of my family. When I left I did send her the pics. Is she just offering me a free reading so I don't leave a bad review? Do you think she's trying to use the pics to reverse image search online??
It's really made me doubt this whole psychic thing and I'm not sure I believe it anymore.