Just read about an owner debating rehoming her reactive dog, and I wanted to give some hope to anyone who is beyond that point. My American Staffordshire mix was brought back to the shelter after a year in her former family. They didn’t have time for her, and that’s all I was told.
When I got her, she was obviously smart, wanted to be a good dog, and was 50 lbs- just at the top end of what I as a medium sized woman was able to control on a leash. I quickly learned she was nervous, rattled, and afraid of her crate. Broke out of two crates. Had accidents in the house if I left even right after going potty. She pulled so much I could barely walk her more than ten minutes, and experimented with three different types of harness (she broke two). Outside, she was completely unfocused, manic, and overstimulated so easily. Immediately lunged, started fence fighting, and barking/snarling very aggressively towards other dogs and some people. She is a high drive breed and needs tons of attention, interaction, and exercise.
Fast forward to a year later, my dog still is highly reactive but is really happy, silly, extremely eager to focus all that energy on learning tricks, and she’s really thriving. She is the perfect work-from-home companion and gets her needs met with me. I’ve learned her triggers. I’ve also learned tons of little things that help distress her without any medication. I cannot imagine having children or not being a homebody, having a more time consuming career that took me out of the house and still being able to give this dog a happy life. I am so glad I picked her, because I know she needed exactly me and we love each other and have so much fun learning together. The point of this post is that there is definitely a home out there that’s right for your reactive dog even if it’s not yours.
We play in the fenced in yard, back of the house away from dogs or people. She does amazingly well with proper guest protocol and introduction. I spent months desensitizing her to her crate and bought her a massive thick steel one that she can’t harm herself on and can feel safe in, we worked our way up from two minutes crate time. And if I’m ever (rarely) gone more than three hours she gets a Rover walker to come give her some exercise and a break- she even puts herself back in the crate when she can sense it’s time. I work with a trainer. We have crazy specific routines for the car or the vet. She can walk 90% of the time with a LOOSE LEASH which is amazing to see after where she’s come from. We still have our ups and downs on walks, but we have learned each other and she recovers so much quicker now if she does get triggered, and I as a first time owner of a reactive dog have learned exactly what to do.
We make a great team, I can’t wait to see how she matures through the years in this home that’s set up perfectly for her, and I’m forever grateful her family made the hard decision. I know it had to be hard, but it was the right thing to do in her case.

Here's my attempt to make an off-grid, solarpunk future a reality on my rooftop using today's technology. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1jQZuvDczU
If you rent your home or live in an apartment there's a lot of roadblocks to get solar. This is my attempt to get around some of the issues, and gain backup power (and free energy the rest of the year) for a little over $1,000 (and dropping!).
CAREFUL: There's high-voltage electricity, grounding, wind-exposed hardware, and local permitting laws involved. It took me months of reading - these are just the solutions I came up with. Be nice, be safe, and don't proceed until you've done your research please!

I've just moved to perth australia and I'm considering ditching the idea of buying a car in favour of a motorbike/skateboard combo for commuting. Just wondering if yall have any input you could give me from your own experience with the community:

1. How long does it take to learn to ride an evolve board in a meaningfullyuseful way (I have no experience skateboarding or snowboarding, but otherwise have good control of my balance).
2. While learning to ride can you make things super easy for your self by turning all the settings (speed, acceleration, braking) down to their lowest setting & tightening the trucks so the board doesn't turn as quickly? I was imagining a world in which a quick way to learn would be to turn everything down and tighten the trucks, then increase your power curves and loosen the trucks bit by bit as you get comfortable/bored with the current set-up.

The full context for this little adventure of mine is that I just moved to Perth, and I also just got my motorcycle learners. As I'm in Western Australia that means I'll have another 5 months of public transport to put up with before I can ride the bike to get around as a commuting vehicle (because i cant ride without a supervisor riding next to me on my learners). I like the idea of having something other than my legs, or a vehicle driven by someone else to get me from A to Bnif I need to, and I'm wondering if I can realistically just get a board and learn in an acceptable time frame for it to be useful as a mode of transport.
I could just take the easy way out and get a scooter....but an electric skateboard just seems so much cooler, so I wanna try invest in that instead XD
All thoughts welcome

I’ve currently been working at Panda for about 9 months now. I’ve made a huge mistake that’s made working here feel like torture, and I’m not sure how to go about this, because I may get fired. I’ll try to go as in detail as possible.
So when I first started working here, there was this coworker, let’s call him onion, that started flirting with me. If you could even call it flirting, it was more just inappropriate comments. I won’t lie, I retaliated the comments, because I thought he was cute. It eventually spiraled into him asking for my insta, me giving it to him, and we talked almost daily. I could tell he was interested in me, whether it was romantic or sexual or whatever it was. During December, he got promoted to cook (I’m counter help). We started hooking up. We hooked up twice in December and once in January. Now while we were hooking up, he was romantically talking to one of our coworkers (let’s call her tomato) Tomato was training to be a shift lead, but now she officially became one like a month ago. A few days after our last hook up in January, onion and tomato officially started dating. He completely stopped talking to me and unfollowed me. I, of course, was completely fucking heart broken. I’ve grown to like tomato, and I thought he liked me back (stupid, I know). It’s now complete torture having to working with onion and tomato. My best coworker friend tried to tell tomato what was going on between onion and I, and how onion was being unfaithful. She got mad, and clearly doesn’t like me, but I can tell she tries to keep it professional. She’s extremely bossy towards me, but nothing worth reporting. Now, I hate onion. I can’t stand how he could just use me and then ‘ghost’ me, but I still have to see his stupid face. Tomato made him stop talking to me. Now, I don’t now where to go from here. I want to get onion fired for this, but I’m not sure what that will result in. My best coworker friend told me that associates in different ‘levels’ of panda (like counter help, manager, shift lead) aren’t allowed to have romantic relationships, and could lead to termination (hence why i mentioned our positions), but idk how true that is? When I hung out with onion outside of work, he mentioned that if anyone were to catch us together outside of work, we would both get fired. I dont know how true that is either. I read that panda handbook, but it didn’t help much. I’m assuming that me and onion would both get fired if anything, not just him. If that’s the case, I wanna make sure I already have another job secured before I report this (I’m already looking anyway, I hate panda). It’s definitely cause a LOT of tension in my workplace. The only person that knows about this is my best coworker friend. I understand it wasn’t just onion how was at fault here, but to be honest, I had NO idea that he was talking to tomato. He never mentioned it once. Anyone knowledgeable in panda law, please help.

I (33f) and my husband (34m) have been in a commitment and solid relationship since we were 18.
If you need background on our relationship read this or skip ahead:
Background: We met online in a game in two separate states. We moved in together in his state and got married in court during lockdown in 2021. Neither of us are close with our families because of their extremely conservative and religious convictions. I am romantically attracted to women more than sexually which I confessed to my husband at a later time in our relationship. I didn’t have and don’t have any interest in other women since we met. I later shared with him my spiritual beliefs and practices as a witch that I suppressed since I was caught by my mother as a teenager. I was shammed a lot for being me growing up. I grew up in a very emotionally unstable home. I also did not receive the supports I needed as a child with adhd and autism that developed anxiety and depression. There is a lot behind that but it is what it is at this point. This being said, my dad also has adhd and mental illnesses that he would display with subtle to full outbursts of anger and my mom unresolved childhood neglect and bullying and what I believe to be some form(s) of intellectual deficits which severely affected her self esteem and her almost unhealthy strong attachment to me. So I grew up to be a clusterfuck of mental, emotional, developmental and spiritual instability. I was also bullied and suffered betrayals from friendships because of various factors often due to my neurodivergent behaviors. So as to be expected, I 100% formed an anxious attachment style. Please look it up so you are familiar with this. It’s a big part of the conundrum I’m in.
(DISCLAIMER: I’m not into the evil fuckery type magic btw… I’m the kind of witch that practices moon magic with lots of love, light and blessings n all that shit - yes I’m in a pissy mood from all of this so you’ll be getting that sort of spice throughout). .
.
.
If you skipped ahead it starts here:
My husband had slowly loosened up on his own strict conservative programming since he started seeing me become happier and more secure in myself since I started practicing my personal spirituality again and dropping my “mask” more often and being that weird quirky neurodivergent girl more openly and working so hard on myself to overcome my childhood traumas and the shame that stifled my authentic self. And that was great! Until it wasn’t for me in our monogamous relationship.
He guilted me (unintentionally) into having a threesome 2x with a woman who we ended up having a sort of friendship afterword but I was always very mentally off put by it but faked being ok for a while. After each of the 2x weeks apart, I became very emotionally numb to my husband. Like my heart literally froze and I was feeling almost like a cold-hearted bitch, even telling my husband I wanted a divorce. Mind you, he was in a bad mental state at this time in which I didn’t really know because he never truly expressed his actual emotions much. I found out later that he had been feeling pretty severe distress from his mom who has been making horrible mistakes and acting like a spoiled child begging him for money and complaining to him about her constant fights with her sister who was like a second mom to him in which he kept being placed in the center. I have my own traumas from her due to a psychiatric break she had which was slowly building that we weren’t aware of until she snapped fully disconnecting from reality and the entire time I was the center of her hostilities, likely because I was taking her baby boy from her - if you’re Hispanic, you understand this atrocity I was committing 🙄. My poor husband was under her thumb to the point he was completely sheltered and dependent on her - as a full grown man in his 20s until I literally helped him become an independent man in thought and lifestyle. So imagine that stress being in the middle and then having me add in to that with my constant complaining and irritation with his mom’s bs affecting us constantly in one way or another.
And then ADD TO THAT he was suffering severe caregiver burnout because I’ve been chronically ill since we met and still in that stage where all my doctors were telling me I was just anxious so they didn’t have to actually do their due diligence, which was then exacerbated significantly after I was in a car accident and they couldn’t figure out was was wrong for almost 2-3 years until I got the right care and back on my feet- kind of. I have been off and on disability - including a SI attempt last March - for about 6 yrs now. So my husband has been my main support for almost 12-13 years of our relationship. I obviously am not close to my parents (and because my dads a money hungry idiot I was always moving around California for his next big promotion which separated me at 7yrs old from my then 22yr old sister and her 2yr old daughter).
When he finally broke down and told me, we had a long and difficult talk with so many tears and a bit step toward healing ourselves individually and as partners. Don’t get me wrong, we had our fair share of misunderstandings and issues but we always came together stronger and closer. I thought before this significant issue that I had the most wonderful and strong marriage in the world. I mean, not only was he still there, but he helped me get back up every time I wanted to give up which allowed me so much success and the ability to purchase our 2nd home by the time we were 32yrs old. The 1st house we had to sell because of the accident and we hit rock bottom, and then we got this one a year ago and almost lost it again due to my health.
We worked to a point where we were happy again. Like the kids who met and fell in love 15yrs ago. We just had the PERFECT date day (we had 6 separate exciting things packed into that day). At the end of the night we walked around the lake by our house and sat down on a bench overlooking the water when after some time snuggling and laughing and talking about our day…. He confessed something major to me. Something that has made me feel that slipping of warmth in my heart for him once again.
He brought up the poly thing again. But this time, he said after much research and soul searching, he identifies as polyamorous. I asked him if he meant he wanted just flings or something with other people or if he meant… romantic relationships as well. With sadness in his voice he confirmed. He wanted a romantic relationship outside of me. This is why he hadn’t been wearing his wedding ring in a long time. It started during to his skin condition on his hand but when it healed he lied and said it bothers his hand whenever I’d ask after that.
I know he will always keep me as the permanent primary partner I guess they call it, but I just can’t get over this intense sense of anger, jealousy, fear of abandonment. Remember that anxious-attachment style? Well this is the WORST NIGHTNARE for someone with that type of attachment.
It feels almost like he punched me square in the chest with all his strength and this boy has some serious biceps. I love him so much and as much as I want to tell him no, that I am his wife and I will be the only one because HE is MY husband, that would lead to that awful resentment we both held for what felt like ages. You know that saying? If you love them, let them go? That’s how I feel. He has made it so clear he will always be at my side and that his love for me is everything. But he can’t deny who he is and I can’t rip that part out of him and burn it until not even ashes remain.
I know he would be a complete and utter mess if I divorced him, but I feel so devastated. He has done so much research and I asked him to give me the resources he said he’d collected for me to understand him and what this whole polyamory thing is. I love this man with all of my being. He’s my soulmate. Or I guess… was.
I don’t want to feel this way but I don’t know how I’m going to get over this right now. We talked about couples counseling but my heart and anxiety want to just throw in the towel to avoid any more pain.
****I’m so sorry for the long and possibly over encumbered post…
But, AITA for wanting to shut down and kick my loving husband to the curb? ****
Any advice for this anxiously attached, autistic wife married to a monogamous and now polygamous husband would be so appreciated.
Edit: he only wants to see a partner WE BOTH are into. But I want to punch the shit out of every imaginary man or woman who would dare steal any millisecond of my man’s affection.

My girlfriend and I were dating for about 9 months. she was my everything, she supported me, she
always wanted to know what I was doing and she truly cared for me. I also truly care for her. I love
her. and I pushed that all away.
A few months ago I was considering breaking up with her for some time with myself because my uncle
had just passed away. i pushed her away when she tried to help me, and I honestly hate myself for
that. we broke up for a day or two when it suddenly hit me that I missed her, so I called her up asking
her to forgive me. she reluctantly said yes but only if I never do something like that ever again. I
promised I wouldn't...
We got into an argument about a week ago and it was not a very nice one. I told her I didn't love her
anymore, which is obviously not true. I'm still not sure why I said that. Anyways, she and I decided to
break up mutually, and we thought this time it was the end. I especially did because she didn't care as
much afterwards and I knew I had hurt her. Im ashamed.
​
Everything was fine, I was sad, sure, but I was starting to talk to new people, I guess as a cope.
Yesterday at about 8PM I was compelled to login to her snap and see what was going on because I
was very bored. I had her snap credentials forever, since we started dating, and so I fired it up and the
anguish I felt was unimaginable. She had told another guy she loved him, and how they wanted to
fuck and all that. "So soon? maybe its a cope?" I thought. But it wasn't just any guy, it was her insane
manipulative ex boyfriend. he is possibly the most manipulative person Ive met in a while, he can
spin any situation into one where he reassures you and comforts you and relates to you... its honestly
terrifying. I broke down and called her because I loved her and I needed her, and she sat there while I
broke tf down and cried and cried and cried, a feeling in my chest so painful I don't even know how to
describe it. I finally understood how she felt, how much she cared about me, it hit me like a train. she
loved me. but I'm not sure if she does anymore. we had a long conversation about it today and she
said she isn't sure she can forgive me. Hell, if someone made me feel this way I wouldn't forgive them
either. I don't know what I should do, because she said she still loves me, but she also loves him. She
said we can see about things in a month, and to give her time. I guess what hurts the most is that I
read every single thing she said after saying he was just a friend and I shouldn't worry about him
Can I fix this situation at all, or is it too late and I should just never allow myself to fall in love again?

Hey everyone, this sub helped me so much with figuring out about this condition and eventually helping me find a doctor that would give me the botox treatment, so I wanted to give a full detailed account of my experience to help anyone else in the beginning of their journey!
So for some context I am 21F and for as long as I can recall, I’ve never burped. My parents tell me I had no issues burping as a baby, so somewhere in my early life I lost the ability to burp. I can remember having symptoms for many years now, but it’s only been in the last few years of me starting college and getting into my intended career field when this condition started to really affect my life negatively. My biggest symptoms were the gurgling frog noises, painful bloating, and painful hiccups.
I found out about this condition probably a year or two ago, and then finally after one particularly embarrassing experience with the gurgling noises I finally decided to try and start the process of getting the botox procedure. For more context I’m located in the state of Georgia and have Kaiser Health insurance.
So in December 2023 I saw a Primary Care Doctor in order to get a referral to an ENT. Thanks to this subreddit I knew how important it was that I saw an ENT and didn't get referred to a GI doctor. During this appointment I initially didn’t bring up RCPD because I had a feeling my doctor wouldn’t take a self diagnosis seriously. However after discussing my symptoms, (which she had a hilariously confused face when I explained my symptoms and exclaimed “Wow I’ve never had someone come to me with this issue before!”) she said she felt like it was likely a GI issue. So after hearing this I decided to bring up that I had done some online research, which she actually was incredibly receptive to and even encouraged me to share what I had found. I explained to her RCPD and watched her google the condition right in front of me, and after reading some webpages she was in agreement that this is likely what I had, and changed my referral to ENT!
On January 9th 2024 I had my ENT appointment, which was pretty straightforward. My Primary Care Doctor wrote in my referral about RCPD, so the ENT’s I met with had researched the condition before my appointment. They performed an endoscopy on me to make sure I didn’t have any other issues that could be causing my symptoms, but everything came back clean. Since they found no other issues that could be causing my symptoms, they were in agreement that I likely had RCPD. However the Kaiser ENT told me that they don’t perform the Botox procedure through their system of healthcare hospitals/offices, so they’d be writing me a referral to Dr. Andrew Tkaczuk at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, GA. Even though I already knew about Dr. Tkaczuk through this subreddit, I’m glad I went through these 2 appointments with Kaiser first because it made the process of getting the botox procedure covered by Kaiser Insurance basically automatic.
On February 21st 2024 I had my first appointment at Emory with Dr. Tkaczuk. Once again this was pretty straightforward. I got another endoscopy which once again came back clean. He made sure I didn’t have any issues with acid reflux or heartburn, because in his experience the botox procedure can make those conditions worse. He also let me know that he’s performed this procedure over a hundred times now and never had any complications. I think he mentioned only having to redose maybe 3 patients when their first dose didn’t work. He did warn me that he mostly uses the botox procedure as a cure to bloating issues, as typically most of his patients don't go on to be world class belchers, but instead can burp just enough to relieve their symptoms of bloating and gas build up in the body. After going through all of the risks and potential side effects, I got the greenlight to get the botox procedure.
On April 12th 2024 I got my Botox procedure, and everything was incredibly easy! I showed up to Emory Hospital at 1pm and got taken back to pre-op by 1:30ish. I was not intubated since I am young and the procedure would only take around 30 minutes max, and they made sure to protect my teeth to prevent any damage that the instruments could cause. I underwent general anesthesia (Dr. Tkaczuk explained that he’s more comfortable doing the procedure under GA since the injection site is so close to vocal cords and other things that could be easily damaged if done under local) and was injected with 50 units of botox. I woke up and went home after the procedure with only a very minor sore throat. Dr. Tkaczuk warned me that I might not have any relief of my symptoms until 2 days after the procedure when the botox would likely begin to take effect. For the rest of my procedure day (Day 0) I only had a minor sore throat that eventually had gone away by bedtime.
Day 1 Post Botox Procedure I woke up and immediately drank some Sprite and Dr. Pepper, and luckily had no issues with any slow swallowing. I wasn’t getting my hopes up that I’d have any micro burps since I wasn’t 2 days post-op yet, but turns out I had nothing to worry about! Only a few hours after waking up I had my first micro-burp during a sneeze, and it only got more prevalent throughout the day. I naturally am a bit of a Dr. Pepper addict, so I was consuming fizzy drinks all day. The Dr. Pepper and Sprite gave me some occasional micro-burps, but eventually I drank a fizzy drink called “Guarana Antarctica” (A Brazilian soda similar tasting to Sprite which can be found at Brazilian grocery stores or Publix!) and that drink caused my burps to increase like crazy, so if you’re looking for a drink to induce your burps maybe try that! By night time I was practically micro-burping after every sip of a drink and even let out some quite large and quite nasty tasting burps. I also had at least 3 burps where I could feel acid come up through my nose a bit, which was definitely unpleasant but weirdly nice to experience because it told me that the procedure did its job! However all these burps were 100% uncontrollable. I did find that it was easier to get them out by turning my head to the side, but some just naturally came out while I was talking and I had no control to hold it back (I accidentally burped right in my aunt's face while talking to her!).
Day 3 Post Botox Procedure I started to get some very minor slow swallow side effects. I only experienced it when eating certain foods and luckily not with liquids. It didn’t really make it much harder to eat, I just had to wash down my bites with a drink every so often to make sure food didn’t get stuck in my throat. But otherwise my micro-burps continued as normal, but still were quite involuntary and I still didn’t have much control over them.
2 Weeks Post Botox Procedure not much has changed. I can still burp quite frequently, some sounding like loud real burps but most are just small releases of air. My slow swallow has pretty much gone away, sometimes I still need to chase some large bites of food down with liquid but it's not as bad as it was in the beginning. One thing I’ve noticed that is kind of annoying is I cant drink anything if I’m not sitting up completely straight, and if I lay down too quickly after sipping something the liquid will come right back up! I assume that my esophagus is just kind of always a little open right now which is causing this. The other day I did have what I’d consider a “burp attack” after drinking some Chick Fil A sweet tea. I was in class and literally could not stop burping, which was great for practice but none of these burps offered any release. I’d let out a burp but still feel like there was air trapped in my chest. This only ended after I stopped drinking the tea and drank some soda instead, overall it was pretty weird and so I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. But so far I haven't noticed any painful bloating which has been great! I’ve explained the condition and procedure to all my friends, so whenever I’m hanging out with them they all encourage me with my burps which has been quite funny.
3 Weeks Post Botox Procedure my slow swallow symptoms are completely gone, and I’m experiencing full and natural burps when appropriate instead of small micro burps constantly through the day. I’m pretty sure I’ve learned how to burp at this point, but its hard to say until the botox really wears off. However I recently started experiencing a new and unpleasant side effect, which is throwing up a little bit in my mouth when I bend down too quickly. It’s only happened twice so far, but its very unpleasant, but I’m not super concerned since it’s likely just due to the muscle still being always slightly open. Another side effect is very jarring and painful burps that go up my nose after drinking soda. It’s really hard to describe but I’m sure anyone who has experienced it knows what I’m talking about. I’ve asked my non-RCPD family members if this is a normal thing and they all say that a burp like that happens very rarely, so I’m thinking it’ll go away soon.
5 Weeks Post Botox Procedure and all of my previous side effects have gone away! My burps are natural and happening at normal times still with the occasional burp when I sneeze. No more acid burps with soda, no more minor throwing up in my mouth when bending down. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with Dr. T this week, but due to some scheduling conflicts I had to cancel it. However I’m pretty sure he would have given me a clean bill of health, and at least in my opinion I can pretty confidently say I’ve been cured of RCP-D! I’m pretty sure it’ll be another month or two before the botox fully wears off, so if something major changes I’ll update this post. But I think at this point it’s safe to say all of my side effects are gone, and my body has stabilized to its new normal!
Overall I am incredibly grateful for how easy this process was for me. I’m so thankful that I never dealt with any doctors not believing in my symptoms or the condition itself, and the fact that the botox kicked in so quickly and I had minimal side effects! Thanks for reading if you made it all the way down here, I hope this helps someone with their experience!

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Ok_Outcome3739. She posted in AITAH

Do not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Also, this sub has a 7 day waiting period. Ergo, the newest update is 7 days old.

Mood Spoiler: OOP gets answers
Original Post: May 11, 2024
I 29F have a 5F with my ex 32M. We were engaged but never really planned to have kids before marriage or at least for the next few years. I was on the pill and he used protection sometimes but I ended up pregnant. Since it was unplanned. Abortion was on the table. He was more into making it work so both of us decided to keep the baby. I wasn't emotionally prepared but for him love is all it takes to make everything work. Fast forward 6 months he started to change. He would give me the silent treatment if I do something wrong. He wouldn't engage in any conversation about the baby and would just yell at me if I ask what's wrong. I was almost 8 months pregnant when he told me he's just not ready to be a father and can't do both things. It's either fatherhood or his career. I was scared to be a single mother so I told him it's fine I can take care of our baby and be a SAHM until things get better for him, but he refused and made it clear everything is over. Since the house was his I left and went to live with my mom until I found myself a place.
I gave birth to my baby girl and he never came to see her. His mother and sister were there for me and to this day they're still part of my daughter's life. As for him he gave up his parental rights and granted me full custody (legally) but was willing to contribute financially through child support (He voluntarily provides financial support in an amicable arrangement). I'm not proud of it but there are nights I called him just to ask him why did he do that to us. I wasn't even ready but seeing him happy and excited made me think we could make it work together. He never really answered my calls. We used to communicate through his mother or sister or email. I love my baby and won't ever see her as a mistake. I'm still doing my best to be the best mother she deserves. I have a good paying job now and everything is better than before.
Now here's the thing. After 5 years and when I finally feel my life got better and figured out my shit, he wants to get involved. He's been calling and texting me for a week now. He doesn't regret a thing and he's not asking. He's telling me that he has the right to see his daughter and be there for her. How can I trust him not to wake up one day and decide being in her life is a mistake and disappear again? He can do that to me but I just don't want my daughter to get hurt. I told him he can see her but not this way. He wants more than just to see her. He even threatened me if I don't agree then he has no problem telling her in the future how I'm the reason she grew up without a father.
His mother and even my mother want me to just let him into my daughter's life with no exceptions. And I'm not comfortable doing that because I know him. WIBTA if I decide on what's best for our daughter or just suck it up and let him in?
Edit: just wanted to mention English isn't my first language, so sorry if there are any errors. Also sorry if this is a bit long but I wanted to give you all the details.
Relevant Comments:
What the hell changed:
Exactly, I don't know how. He never answered my calls for two years and never wanted to see her for 5 years and now out of nowhere he's blowing up my phone demanding a relationship with her and expecting me to just let him in. Thank you for the advice 🙌🏻
Downvoted Comment:
Commenter: I take it that you trust your mother, that she knows everything that happened just as much as you do, that you don't think she has any malice towards you or your daughter.
If that is the case then it should at least give you pause to question why it is she does not agree with you on this matter and you should at least speak to her and ask her what her reasons are.
This has nothing to do with what you think he deserves. This is entirely about would it be beneficial for your daughter to have a positive relationship with her father and to have him as a presence in her life. You have no right to deny that to your child and if he does tell her you are the reason she grew up without a father, that will be 100% the truth.

OOP: My mother hates to see her daughter being a single mom. I'll be honest here. my family felt ashamed to have a pregnant daughter outside of marriage. she not only wants him back in my daughter's life but she also wishes to see us back together. As for his mother. It's HIS mother I don't need to say more.

Update Post: May 13
He didn't stop with the calls and texts and I read some of the comments wondering why he suddenly wants to be in my daughter's life so I agreed to meet up with him and discuss everything yesterday. We talked for about 30 mins. 30 mins of me trying to explain to him that he literally gave up his parental rights years ago and there's no need for threatening since he legally has no right to see her if I don't allow him. While he was focused on expressing how I haven't changed and complimenting my body. His comments became too much so I decided to just leave but I noticed he was wearing a ring on his right hand and didn't hesitate to ask him about it. He said he proposed a few weeks ago but he thinks he rushed things. I asked him if she knows about my daughter and if this is why he's here. He said no she still doesn't know and he genuinely wants to be part of his daughter's life. He basically spent 30 mins flirting with no shame that he's engaged and showed no sign of being genuinely interested in getting involved. I told him to just forget about my daughter but if he wants to we can see a judge and they can laugh at him. He threatened to cut financial support and I made it clear I never really needed his help. Sending me $1000 once or twice a year with his sister was already no help and I can give back his money if he wants to.
Now I know what I did wrong but it was the only way to get the answer I needed. On my way home I called his sister and lied about how things went. I said that he told me everything and how his fiancée encourages him to be a better person and I think that's why he wants in which is a good thing. His sister told me everything I needed to know. How his fiancée has a good heart and how she didn't like it when she discovered that he has a daughter but never saw her before. She basically wouldn't have said yes if he didn't promise to try and fix things. So both his mother and sister knew the reason he wanted to get back into my daughter's life and his mother encouraged me to let him in without even being honest with me.
So all this wasn't about my daughter. It was about him and impressing his fiancée who was horrified that he wants nothing to do with his daughter. My mother gets it now but his mother called the same day asking what's the plan now. I told her there's no plan. He could have just given me full custody but he wanted nothing to do with her to the point he decided to sign away his rights. And he seemed already fine with the relationship they have which is none. She tried to make me consider letting him in because at the end it's my daughter's decision. My daughter is 5 years old what decision?? Anyway I made it clear to her that both her and her daughter legally aren't my child's family and from now on there will be no alone time with her. And if they keep pressing me I can easily cut them out.
I will discuss this with a lawyer though. I have everything documented and I'm sure he doesn't have a leg to stand on but still. Just in case he tries something.
And let me show you some of his texts that I'm very tempted to get his fiancée's number and send her some screenshots. English isn't our first language so I translated them for you
"Who sees you now would never tell you weren't ready for this. you look happier"
"You know I really didn't know how much I missed you until I saw you today"
"Good night beautiful kiss (my daughter's name) for me"
I don't know if I'm just overreacting but if my fiancé texts his ex this way. I for sure won't find it acceptable.
By the way with him back. I realized that I never really dealt with the way he broke my heart. Maybe I cried but I had to figure out my life as soon as I could for the sake of my daughter. When I gave birth all I started thinking about was my daughter. Even the nights I called him it was never to ask about 'me' it was always about 'us'. I was scared and not ready to be a mom. And now that I'm a mother I've never felt this strong. I don't know what I'm trying to say here but I'm glad how my life turned out.
Thank you for the advice. I'm glad I gathered the courage to see him. I feel so much better. At least now I know I don't have to worry about him shaking my baby's life up 🙌🏻🤍🤍
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Im sorry you have to deal with this jerk op. So many people in your og post called it. He’s only interested in your daughter because of his new woman
Honesty block him and go very lc with his family because they are not looking out for your or your daughters best interest

OOP: Thank you. I'm planning to do that but he's still not done with the threats about telling lies to my daughter. I'm trying to gather everything I can before I block him.

Commenter: Ask the sister for the fiancée's number, say he forgot to give it to you.
Something tells me you'll be bonding over his abandoned children in a few years.

OOP: Love the idea🙌🏻 shared trauma makes for great bounding material 😂🙌🏻🤍

​

(Just skip to the last paragraph if you don’t want to read this all.) I just turned 19. My life has been a series of unfortunate events and mistakes, with some very amazing memories/ events mixed in. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional large family, it’s complicated because some weeks were perfect, my parents were awesome sometimes, others it was really rough. My mom displays highly narcissistic tendencies and was mentally abusive when I was a kid. My Dad is a amazing father, but he got into a rodeo accident when he was 18 and snapped his back in half, a saddle bronc horse landed on him and folded him backwards like paper. He’s not paralyzed but has a huge 4ft metal pipe in his back basically holding his spine together, so he has extreme back pain and many many other issues from the accident. So for 4 years from when I was 13-16 he drank alcohol almost constantly and consecutively. He was never mean, physically or verbally abusive, he would just get drunk and pass out in a chair. I remember one time he cut his throat open on a sink trying to install it while he was drunk. Another time I remember having to carry him out to my moms car when I was 14, he was so drunk he had to go to the ER. He also would lie about drinking so we had no idea if he overdosed on pain meds for his back or got drunk. My mom would take me around to mental centers, get me meds, take me to behavioral institutions, and drag me to counselors of hers to basically validate her as being right. Now growing up in a household like this, I obviously did have anger issues and it was a attempt to get attention and love, which never worked and made things worse. So I sucked it up, fixed myself, and got mentally tough as a mf. School was somewhat difficult for me but it was a break from the bullshit. I applied myself to my high school’s marksmanship team and became the best shooter on the team, and my team was best in my state, and best on the west side of America. We got to go to the 2022 National championships and placed 13th out of 1,000 teams, but we shot bad that day, we easily could’ve won it, we weren’t used to the targets they used. I got into smoking weed with my best friend almost every day when I was 16 but quit when I was 17, it wasn’t who I wanted to be.
I went online school when I was 17 and combined my junior and senior years into one year, and graduated early. I would’ve just been graduating high school right now, at 19, if I didn’t do that. I didn’t want to do that so I did what I needed to graduate at 18 years old.
Since I was 15 years I basically have believed that my destiny was to join the military and become a Navy SEAL, and reach a highly elite level within that community. Now I’m 19, and highly disappointed with my life, I don’t know how I got here. I struggle with a extreme degree of apathy, I’m burnt out. I struggle to get out of bed before 2pm, I go to bed at 2 AM-4 AM usually. I’m unable to get a vehicle for job, because my mom refuses to help and my Dad try’s his best but doesn’t have much money because my mom divorced him. He’s self employed and I work with him when I can. Like, I can stick to a routine, I can get up at 6 am when I want to. For the last 6 months I’ve took a cold shower every night, so I can be disciplined, I’m just discouraged about life. I don’t believe becoming a Navy SEAL is possible or realistic now, there’s a lot more to it that I’m not sharing, but I will say I simply do not have the energy to go to the gym everyday or get in shape. Hell, I don’t even have a car, or job. Lately, I’ve thought about shooting myself to end this all, it’s not a problem if I’m not in the equation. I vividly imagine it, I imagine feeling the barrel on the roof of my mouth, I imagine how my skull would shatter and what the “cleanest” way to do it would be. I’ve thought about laying a towel down under my head so I don’t ruin the carpet, I’ve tried to find a way to shoot myself in the head so I don’t ruin the ceiling. We also live in the state with the highest suicide rate in the country. I imagine my family finding me and my Dad’s pain, because suicide runs in our family, his Dad (my Grandpa) hung himself, his Mom’s sisters and brothers have killed themselves, his cousin, his aunt, shit I don’t want to add to his pain. This is what keeps me from doing it, I’m not selfish, I’m selfless, I can’t be responsible for causing my family more pain, and a part of me still believes I could become a SEAL too. If I didn’t have family I might’ve done it already. Hell, typing this out I realize my reason/ motivation to become a SEAL could be to spare my family from that pain. I don’t know, I’m just over it.

Hello! I am 20 years old. I don't live with my parents but my parents pay my rent. So still incredibly financially dependent. They also pay for my college and give me allowances for grocery's and things. In fact, I use that allowance to pay for doctor's visit's and my testosterone.
I have a website, a blog I created, to post poems and other personal writings. I made it in highnschool and would share it with close friends. I shared it with my mom. She ended up turning on post notifications so that whenever I post a new entry she would be updated. It was sweet, knowing she wanted to know how I felt about things... In that way.
Then today. She often accidentally genders me correctly. (I have a brother) So I say "He is fine." Almost like i'm warming her up to the idea haha...
I've come out to my family as nonbinary when I was around 16. My mom said she would never call me He.
So today when I said "He is fine." She said "can you stop saying that. I did not give birth to a he, I am not calling you that."
I fought back only slightly. I wasn't planning on nor prepared to come out to her in that moment.
My original plan was to take testosterone and until she started asking questions, say nothing. And when she did start asking questions I planned to answer them truthfully. As by that time the changes would had already really began to take effect.
All that to say, after the incident today. I went to my blog. I wrote something. Titled "You hate me. I know you hate me. You'll hate me once you find out what I've done."
Pretty dramatic lol I know but that's the whole point. I made a space for myself to express myself however I felt necessary. I mention the exact incident (meaning she knows I'm talking about her). One of the lines are "Today I thought I should never tell you. That I practiced voice training instead and just went to the gym a bunch. That will be easier for you. You'll hate me less."
I hit publish. Feeling relieved to have gotten these negative thoughts and emotion's off my chest. As well as honestly rethinking my speak until spoken to policy. Thinking, maybe I should lie for as long as I can.
Then later today I got a notification. Someone was on my website, reading that post. I knew, I instantly remembered. She gets notifications for when I post. I try to quickly delete and block her member profile. Trying to kick her from viewing it. Nothing works. I had set it up a while back so you put in a password before entering the site after a fall out with someone who had access to it, but I guess fot previous members it bypasses that.
Then I heard her walking up the stairs. I knew.
She comes in and closes the door, she never does that, and sit's on my bed. (I'm home for summer)
She tells me that she saw my post and asks if I think that she hates me. I say no, its nuance and that I forgot she got notifications for that. That she wasn't supposed to see it. It's not enough for her. She ask's what I did. I hesitate. I say "I came out as nonbinary before and (don't remember likely giberish) that's what I did is be who I am." I didn't know what to say. I'm not a good liar.
I have only been on testosterone for 5 weeks. I have got to therapy for a couple months discussing my gender and whether or not I wanted to start hormone replacement therapy. I have been contemplating it however, for around a year before starting therapy. I did this all by myself. I decided to tell my brother (37) after going to my consultation. He had his own reservations but he told me he loved me no matter what. He still misgenders me but his hearts in the right place and right now i'll take what I can get. My dad is the quiet type. He doesn't hold a lot of power in our household and is likely quiet because of it. I know i can't rely on him for any impactful support. I also have no idea whether there would be any.
I thought about calling my brother after it happened but he is ignorant on the matter. I don't know the lengths he would go to protect me. I am unsure and that scares me. I don't have any trans friends on HRT who could advise me.
I remember at my consultation my doctor expressed real concern for whether I had a supportive family unit or not. I told him I don't think my mother would could me off or disown me (she's the breadwinner) but thats when I was under the impression that I would have full control over when and how I would tell her.
Now. I am feeling that fear a bit stronger. I am gunning for my PHD in psychology. I live in an apartment near campus. I am extremely privileged. Although, my relationship with my immediate family is extremely dysfunctional it works.
Based off what she read the likely hood is at the very least she has an inkling that I am on T. I ended the conversation by saying I wasn't ready to have this conversation right now and she wasn't meant to read that. I asked her to turn the notifications off :P (stupid, I just didn't know what to do or say).
I drafted the post and made a new website moving everything on to there. I decided I will no longer share that website with anyone. It's for my eyes only. Until I can be sure someone deserves to gain access to its contents.
Anyway, any advice on how I should handle this? Right now we are both leaving to go on separate vacations. So I will be taking my medicine with me and I won't have to worry about her possibly snooping through my things to find out if I am or not. I will likely need to hide my T when I come back. I don't think telling her now is a good idea. I have a therapy appointment next tuesday so I will also ask my therapist for advice. Support or encouragement is also welcome :)

I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is still . She posted in and .
You can read the previous BORU's here and here. New Update marked with ****\* Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know!
Trigger Warning: brief mention of murder
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
Original Post: April 16, 2023
Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit.
Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name.
My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name.
I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother.
My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose.
However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now."
Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed.
My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name.
When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now."
This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name.
My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this.
AITA?
EDIT: The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think.
Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead.
EDIT 2: It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD.
Relevant Comments:
Can you use Peter as a middle name?"
Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"."
How many Peters are alive right now in your family???"
There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)."
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)
(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)
I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it.
Original
Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update.
About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life.
We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents.
One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her.
When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter."
I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place.
He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right.
We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both.
I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around.
But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life.
I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses.
EDIT: I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country.
Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore.
And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized.
Relevant Comments:
Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?"
According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere."
Have other family members come around yet?"
Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet.
My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter."
One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:
"And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." (note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)
OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:
"My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma."
"Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born.
My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country."
Update Post 2: July 28, 2023 (3 months from first post)
My son is now 5 months old (almost six!). We're still NC with my fiancé's parents, who haven't seen us since May. We've both blocked them everywhere. His relatives who were on our side still are, and most of the ones who weren't haven't come around. If anything, they're even more pissed now.
I remember someone suggesting that my fiancé's family might stop using the name after we decided not to. Well, you were right. Last week, one of my fiancé's cousins announced she was pregnant with a boy. She included her baby's name in the announcement, and it's not Peter.
What followed was a string of aggressive Instagram DMs from both MIL and FIL. They both created accounts for the sole purpose of contacting me. I didn't see them until two days later. They sent me almost an hour worth of voice messages about how I'd "ruined their family".
They wish their son had never met me, that he'd see me for "who I truly am", and that I'd never gotten pregnant. Many of the messages ended with "I hope you're happy now", as if they thought they were getting the last word, only to think of something else they wanted to say. There was name calling, an accusation of me cheating, and the persistent refusal to refer to my son as their grandchild.
My fiancé and I listened to the messages together. He hadn't gotten any. As much as I tried to distance myself, I was in tears by the time it was all done. I still don't regret anything, specially after the stunt they pulled back in May, but I'm not completely free of the guilt yet. Not to mention their complete disregard for their grandson. I was already having an overwhelming week, and this just seemed like the final straw.
I must have spent close to an hour sobbing in my fiancé's arms. Once I was calmer, he unblocked his parents just to scream at them for a while. I only heard his side of the conversation, but it was more than enough. He finished the call by saying he didn't want to hear from them again.
We had a long talk afterwards. My fiancé opened up about the emotional blackmail by his family before and after my pregnancy. My in-laws were close to threatening him with anything they could if we didn't name our son Peter. I told him about my guilt, and how awful I feel for putting him through this. We reassured each other, cried a bit more, and had a mostly pleasant evening with our baby.
We contacted his cousin. The family is giving her shit for breaking the tradition again. They're being way less aggressive though, and I think many of my in-laws are finally learning to let go. We're not expecting any apologies anytime soon, but we'll be glad if they come.
Our wedding will be in September 2024, and whoever doesn't give us a sincere apology until then is uninvited. My fiancé's parents are banned either way. We came to that decision together.
Also, I'd like to address some comments on my previous update about how I was "letting my family's trauma win", or how the name wouldn't be hurtful now that my grandmother has passed.
I can't stress enough the damage my uncle's death caused. He was only 30 years old. He had a fiancée, a great career and his whole life ahead of him. I don't know many details about what happened, because I didn't want to upset my family by asking. My grandmother wasn't the only person hurt by this, my entire paternal family was. And if I remember correctly, the person responsible isn't even in jail anymore. It was more than 20 years ago, but the wound never truly closed.
So yeah, I think it's safe to say the tradition is over. The next Not-Peter will be here in January, right before my son's first birthday. It was never my intention for this to turn into such a shitstorm, but I'm so incredibly proud of my little family.
Thank you so much to everyone who shared their stories and offered advice during these last few months. I'll be forever grateful for all the support I got from y'all.
*****New Update Post: May 13, 2024 (13 months from OG post, about 10 from last post)****\*
Hey everyone, it's been a while. I hope you guys had a great Mother's Day!
I remember that last year, I promised myself I'd write a final update as soon as I felt calmer or felt the situation was closer to being solved. That actually happened months ago, but I've been busy lately.
Following my previous update, my fiancé's side of the family remained upset about the tradition being over for a few more months. They were way less intense about it, specially with the pregnant cousin I mentioned, but it was still evident.
That cousin's Not-Peter (almost a year later, I still can't think of a better term) was born in January. Our son turned one the next month. I think the fact that these two things happened so close together helped many of my in-laws let go of the tradition.
We got a few apologies we weren't expecting. Some of them were sincere enough that we slowly started reestablishing contact.
My fiancé's parents were not among those who apologized. We haven't spoken to either of them since last July. From what I've heard from some of his other relatives, however, MIL seems regretful. She has told some of them that she wishes she could be part of her grandson's life, and wonders if making his name a hill to die on was a bad decision. FIL, from what I gather, barely acknowledges my baby exists.
My fiancé knows about how his mother feels, but he says he doesn't care. And even if we did get an apology, I don't think either of us can forgive his parents. As much as we're mostly okay now, it sometimes feels like their treatment of our family ruined the first few months of our baby's life. I know that's not actually true, but I don't want them around my child.
Besides all that, things have been great. My son is 15 months old now, which I don't think I'll ever really get used to. He recently started drawing and has been expanding his vocabulary. He said "mamãe" first, by the way.
My fiancé and I are still getting married in September. We're thinking about moving abroad in a couple years (for work reasons), but we're not sure yet. We also recently got a dog (sadly, we didn't name him Peter).
This will be my final update. Whatever guilt I had about this situation a year ago is completely gone, and my life has been peaceful enough that it feels safe to say the shitshow is over.
Hugo, if you ever find this, you are the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to us. Thank you for letting me be your mom.
Thank you, Reddit, for all the love, advice and support you've given me this past year.
Relevant Comment:
Commenter: Whilst this may be your final update on the naming sage, you said you are getting married in September 2024 and MiL&FiL aren't going to be invited.
Prepare for more craziness from them at that time and good luck :)

OOP: I really do think this is over. My fiancé's parents don't know when or where we're getting married, so I'm not worried about them showing up. They haven't reached out to us in months, and we have no interest in contacting them.

Selling cache sets at below mentioned price:
My profile- https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198272324546
steam rep- https://steamrep.com/profiles/76561198272324546
Add me if you are interested(only serious buyers (who have read the whole post and sure about buying))
buyer goes first. Reservation is mandatory and nonrefundable.
accepting dota 2 tradable items and tf2 keys
TI8 cache 1

Hero	Price ( USD)	Quantity
Trail of the Sanguine Spectrum(blood seeker)	15$	2
Pitfall Crusader(Pangolier)	23$	1
Insights of the Sapphire Shroud(Dark seer)	10$	5
Pillar of the Fractured Citadel(Spirit breaker)	12$	3
Forlorn Descent(Undying)	15$	0
The Murid Divine(necrophos)	22$	2
Primer of the Sapper's Guile(techies)	20$	3
Molokau Stalker(venomancer)	15$	4
Morbific Provision(witch doctor)	15$	3
Raptures of the Abyssal Kin(queen of pain)	12$	4
Fate Meridian(invoker)	25$	3
Grasp of the Riven Exile(weaver)	10$	6
Visions of the Lifted Veil(phantom assassin)	35$	1
Endowments of the Lucent Canopy(shadow shaman)	100$	sold out

TI8 cache 2

Hero	Price(USD)	Quantity
Pitmouse Fraternity(meepo)	15$	8
Fires of the Volcanic Guard(Ember spirit)	20$	7
Third Awakening(Dragon knight)	35$	0
Shackles of the Enduring Conscript(AXE)	8$	10
Shimmer of the Anointed(Nyx)	6$	10
Cruelties of the Spiral Bore(Magnus)	45$	sold out
Loaded Prospects(Brew master)	15$	8
Ire of Molten Rebirth(Phoenix)	8$	6
Pattern of the Silken Queen(Brood mother)	8$	11
Dread Ascendance(Doom)	50$	1
The Rat King(Chen)	10$	9
Raiments of the Obsidian Forge(Underlord)	20$	4

TI9 cache 1

Hero	Price(USD)	Quantity
Echoes of the Everblack(Abbadon)	30$	1
Allure of the Faeshade Flower(Dark willow)	25$	1
Paean of the Ink Dragon(Grimstroke)	20$	3
Scorched Amber(Dragon Knight)	30$	2
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan(Chen)	15$	5
The Arts of Mortal Deception(Enigma)	10$	4
Poacher's Bane(Tide hunter)	20$	6
Soul of the Brightshroud(Death prophet)	20$	2
Curse of the Creeping Vine(Undying)	20$	3
Pursuit of the Ember Demons (Husker)	22$	2
Appetites of the Lizard King(Slark)	25$	3
Forbidden Medicine(Dazzle)	20$	3
Riddle of the Hierophant(Oracle)	12$	7
Glimmer of the Sacred Hunt(Drow ranger)	30$	sold out
Adornments of the Jade Emissary(Earth Spirit)	25$	1
Defender of Ruin(Disrupter)	25$	8

TI9 cache 2

Hero	Price(USD)	Quantity
Sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful(Drow ranger)	15$	21
Tribal Pathways(Warlock)	10$	26
Directive of the Sunbound(Clockwork)	10$	23
Souls Tyrant(Shadow fiend)	40$	4
Endless Night(Abbadon)	25$	8
Dapper Disguise(Pudge)	18$	16
Prized Acquisitions(Bat rider)	6$	29
Verdant Predator(Venomancer)	8$	23
Fury of the Bloodforge(Bloodseeker)	10$	27
Automaton Antiquity(Broodmother)	10$	25
Tales of the Windward Rogue(Pangolier)	30$	5
Grim Destiny(Wraith king)	20$	21
Distinguished Expeditionary(Tusker)	12$	26
Fowl Omen(Necrophos)	18$	21
Cinder Sensei(Ember Spirit))	80$	4

TI10 cache 1

Hero	Price(USD)	Quantity
Origin of the Dark Oath(Night stalker)	28$	22
Ravenous Abyss (Underlord)	15$	34
Apocalypse Unbound(Ancient appartion)	10$	36
Beholden of the Banished Ones(Warlock)	15$	5
Fury of the Righteous Storm(Disrupter)	10$	36
Lineage of the Stormlords(Juggernaut)	35$	16
Silent Slayer(Silencer)	20$	32
Mindless Slaughter(Pudge)	15$	37
Heartless Hunt(Bounty hunter)	15$	31
Herald of the Ember Eye(Grim stroke)	15$	27
Fissured Flight(Jakiro)	12$	34
Flashpoint Proselyte(Husker)	20$	34
Glory of the Elderflame(Lina)	25$	26
Signs of the Allfather(Nature's Prophet)	20$	34
Songs of Starfall Glen(Enchantress)	10$	23
Ancient Inheritance(Tiny)	25$	51
Forsworn Legacy(Mars)	40$	26

TI10 cache 2

Hero	Price(USD)	Quantity
Evolution of the Infinite(Enigma)	10$	24
Beast of the Crimson Ring(Bristle Back)	15$	23
Clearcut Cavalier(Timbersaw)	8.5$	27
The King Of Thieves(Keeper of the light)	10$	27
Horror from the Deep(Tidehunter)	20$	22
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler(Arc warden)	40$	1
Talons of the Endless Storm(Chaos Knight)	14$	22
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade(Rubick)	12$	26
Crown of Calaphas(Shadow demon)	15$	26
Wrath of the Fallen(Doom)	15$	26
Blacksail Cannoneer(Sniper)	13$	26
Secrets of the Celestial(Skywrath mage)	10$	27
Blaze of Oblivion(Phoenix)	8$	26
Master of the Searing Path(Ember spirit)	30$	10
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber(Templer assassin)	30$	30
Claszureme Incursion(Faceless Void)	95$	1

Aghanim's cache sets

Hero	Price(USD)	Quantity
Silverwurm Sacrifice(Dragon Knight)	40$	5
Scales of the Shadow Walker(Phantom lancer)	12$	19
Perception of the First Light(Dawn breaker)	12$	16
Apex Automated(Clockwork)	10$	17
Test of the Basilisk Lord(Razor)	12$	17
Secrets of the Frost Singularity(Ancient appartion)	8.5$	20
Perils of the Red Banks(Chen)	8$	20
The Chained Scribe(Grim stroke)	12$	18
Widow of the Undermount Gloom(Brood mother)	10$	20
Forgotten Fate(Mars)	10$	18
March of the Crackerjack Mage(Rubick)	10$	19
Stranger in the Wandering Isles(Drow ranger)	55$	1
Cosmic Concoctioneers(Alchemist)	7$	19
Days of the Demon(Axe)	25$	7
Blightfall(Abbadon)	8$	21
Pyrexae Polymorph Perfected(Ogre magi)	20$	25
Wrath of the Celestial Sentinel(Chaos Knight)	50$	8

Diretide cache set

Blue Horizons(Marci)	25$	6
Dark Behemoth(Primal beast)	50$	3

2023 cache sets

Hero	Price(USD)	Quantity
Snailfire (SnapFire)	25$	10
Brightfist (Marci)	22$	10
Primeval Abomination(primal beast)	8$	10
Astral Herald(dawn breaker)	15$	10
Spectral Shadow(Abbadon)	5$	10
Taur Rider(alchemist)	5$	10
Crescent Huntress(spectre)	10$	10
Tyrant of the Veil(wraith king)	8.5$	10
Tomo'kan Footsoldier(hood wink)	7$	10
Darkwood Eulogy(death prophet)	5$	10
Sea Spirit(kunkka)	12$	10
Triumph of the Imperatrix(legion commander)	7$	10
Beast of Thunder(storm spirit)	10$	10
Ancestral Heritage(jakiro)	6$	10
Dezun Viper(dazzle)	7.5$	10

Crownfall 2024 treasure
Drow ranger(Ravencloak)=45usd
Weather Effects

Weather	Price
Ash	10$
Aurora	3$
Harvest	3$
Moonbeam	5$
Rain	10$
Spring	5$
Snow	5$
Siroco	3$
Pestilence	2$

Buyers go first, add me now if interested for 30 days cooldown, make sure to leave a comment on my profile . 30% reserve amount required at the time of reserving cache sets. fees(depends on your payment method) on you.
If you are buying more than 4 cache sets then u will get addition discount.
WHY YOU SHOULD TRUST ME:
I have more than 1000$ worth of cache sets in my inventory and i have been selling cache sets from past 2 years so why would i scam you for some small amount and you can also check the profile of the people who have given their feedback on my profile . I can also provide you with screenshots of my previous successful trades

sharing my NIGHTMARE experience with their aftersales/customer service:
i bought a kobo e-reader from their shopee mall store, thinking that they were a reputable shop because they have multiple brick and mortar stores. it turned out that my device had a defective battery. (it only started happening after the shopee guarantee ended already, so i couldn’t file a return/refund.) i understand that factory defects are unavoidable when buying electronics, but gamextreme’s customer service was the moldy cherry on top of the rotten sundae 🙃

• sent my item to them for repair, but when i got it back the issue still wasn’t fixed. they claimed that they replaced the battery but they later admitted actually didn’t.
• i had to explain to them that e-reader batteries should last for weeks, even with regular use. they didn’t seem to be aware of this.
• their CS is so unprofessional and uncaring. they dgaf about customer concerns—didn’t hear a “sorry” from them until i told them to address issues better.
• they reply so slowly, and when they do sobrang labo pa nila sumagot. seems like they don't even read your messages.
• they don't always pick up calls, and in the rare chance that they do their supervisor is always somewhere else.
• i returned my device to them a second time so they could investigate. they confirmed that my device was defective. i asked for a refund but they only offered a replacement because my device was already used. i accepted, and they said they would send it the following week. when i asked for an update on my replacement a few days later, they said their top signatory is out of town and they don’t know when they’ll be back. SO frustrating and unreliable!

this has been going on since march and still no assurance of a resolution 🙃 already filed a DTI complaint via email but haven’t heard back. i also heard that people who bought kindles from them have had issues of their devices being tagged as lost/stolen by amazon. just avoid this company at all costs!!!
(would appreciate any tips on how to speed up the DTI complaint process 🙏)

Hey all so this is about a bike but since it’s a dealer purchase I was hoping I can get some insight?
So I bought my first bike on finance to build credit more (currently 760) I went into it running all the numbers for my finances so I made sure I can afford it. Up until now I’ve only bought cars through dealers thinking it might be the same I went in there and did the paperwork, I got a bunch of stuff, loans agreement (60 months 5.99% apr and 140 monthly)
Come time for the documents of the bike I got the odo readings, reg application and bill of sale. The dealer had taken a photo scan of the mso and claimed to have given it to me (lie, literally saw the dude staple all the papers saying “so you don’t lose em”) and now I’m left with a brand new bike I can’t register…no biggie always a work around, my question is can my bike be repoed for not having a title to the lien holder. First payment is due on the 15th, I’ve been a good borrower and I’m not trying to tank it.
Any help is appreciated thanks

Anxious? Worried? Confused? Stressed? Is the status of your DHgate parcel putting you in a roller coaster of emotions? Well, you are definitely not alone a you've come to the right place.
​Welcome to our daily DHgate shipping and logistics thread! Whether as a round table discussion, a therapy session or just to say 'Hi. I am on the same boat as you are', feel free to ask, comment and share anything related to shipping and logistics.
​Before posting, we encourage you to read our shipping FAQ guide and use our search bar. Remember that shipping may take weeks or months.
"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet". -Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Good morning everyone!
First of all this group is excellent congrats and with nice tips for novices just like me.
So I’ve never thought about getting watch replicas but since I arrived in Shanghai (I’ve been living here for one month and a half) I started thinking about it, however it’s not easy to find reliable contacts here that’s why I found this group.
I’ve read a lot of posts here as well as Tommys posts about the TD (great job here, thanks). I know that a replica is a replica and you get what you pay but I’m writing this post to ask your advice about the best TD for the watches I’m looking for (bellow). What I want is the best quality/price relation so as close to the original (that’s what everyone looks for right 😂).
The watches I’m looking for are: - Rolex Oyster Perpetual 126000 (blue dial) - Rolex Explorer 36mm Oystersteel and yellow gold - Rolex Datejust Oyster, 41 mm, Oystersteel and white gold - Vacheron Constantin PATRIMONY MOON PHASE RETROGRADE DATE Ref 2460 R31L/1 - Vacheron Constantin TRADITIONNELLE COMPLETE CALENDAR 4010T/000G-B740 41 MM WHITE GOLD
I would really appreciate your valuable insights as well if anyone already bought any of these and if they recommend.
Thank you all.
Traditionnelle complete calendar or Patrimony retrograde day-date

I made my first throw away account for this. Yipee (he said with all the excitement of a deflating woopie cushion).
I (M23) currently live with my mom (F64) and dad (M65). I'm attending a local community college and struggling to find a regular job while also pursuing a career as a writer and musician. I love my mom and dad very much, and they love me too. They have been nothing but supportive of me and my aspirations my entire life, and I am so grateful to them for that.
That isn't to say we don't have our issues (i wouldn't be talking about them on this sub if they were perfect, after all) but I think the context here is very important.
So, in exchange for no rent, i have to follow a set of rules. Some of them are pretty reasonable (no illegal drugs in the house, do my fill of chores, keep my room and bathroom clean, etc.), but some could be considered a bit weird (attend church once a week, no sex inside the house). While I'm okay with these rules, there is one i chafe against regularly… i have to maintain my haifacial hair in a very specific way.
So, as my username implies, I have long hair. It goes past my shoulders and rests at my upper back. It's also very thick. My mom likes to say my hair, like hers, wants to grow out, not down. (It really does feel like my hair wants to spite gravity sometimes). It defaults to curly ringlets, but I have options to style it.
It wasn't always like this, though. For a majority of my life, i kept my hair short. When i was 17 i heard about locks for love, the charity where you can donate your hair to create wigs for children undergoing cancer treatment. I was really inspired by this, and wanted to participate. I had to wait a year, until i graduated high school (because of our dress code and because i did a lot of theater stuff that required me to have short hair) to start. For four long years, I grew my hair out and finally, cut it off to send it to charity. It was really fun, we threw a small, silly party to celebrate.
But over the next few months, I began to realize something… i really liked having long hair! I've only now begun to verbalize it, but i felt confident and sexy with long hair. It was the first time I made a style choice on my own without involvement from anyone else and i loved it. So, thinking that this was a harmless form of self-expression, I decided I wanted to grow my hair out again, but this time keep it. And here, is where my troubles began.
Now, during the first time I started growing my hair out, my dad made it no secret he didn't like the long hair look, but went along with it because he knew it was for a good cause. But during the fall of 2021, when i made my intentions clear of mainting the look, he began to complain… a lot. Now, i'm not going to pretend some of these complaints were without merit. In terms of styling and hair care, I had no idea what I was doing, and combined with my big, bushy, unkempt beard, I looked terrible. I looked like a caveman Jerry Garcia. My hair was constantly knotted and greasy looking, i had split ends I refused to cut, and my beard was uneven. It drove dad up the wall.
Then, one morning, my parents forced me to go to a barbershop down the street. I went in, explained the situation, and told him i wanted to keep my long hair, but to get rid of all the stuff they didnt like. To shape it up, style it. The barber looked at me, and said it was too soon (it had been five months since i had sent my hair in) and to come back in a month. Satisfied, i texted my mother the news, got myself some lunch, picked up some groceries and came back home. My parents were waiting for me. I don't think Mom had seen my text. They were disappointed. A day or so later, dad came into my room as i was waking up, still wiping the dust from my eyes and gave me an ultimatum. I was going to cut my hair or he was going to kick me out of the house, and take my car too since his name was on the paperwork.
…To say the following two hours were eventful would be an understatement. In short, after lots of screaming, crying, and swearing, from both sides, we came to the agreement we have today; in exchange for keeping my hair tidy, and my beard trimmed, I could continue to live at my parents house. Whenever dads around, or we're out together, he wants me to have my hair tied back (nevermind that can actually damage the hair in the long term) or wear a headband to keep it out of my face.
While he's done a lot to regain my trust since that day (and I've done the same), i still feel uneasy about the whole thing. My dads explanation is that he's from another time, which is true. He grew up in the sixties and the seventies. If i were to fall through a portal in time, people off the street would probably think i was homeless or a hippie. That's how he thinks i look. And that terrifies him, because he thinks I don't know or understand how the way i portray myself can come off to others. It's also an issue of respect to him. In case it wasn't clear earlier, my dad is a Christian. He was a pastor in the Nazarene church for many years, but he's retired now. To him, growing my hair out like i have, after all the times he's expressed his dislike, is the equivalent of me flipping him off. Some of you may be wondering “How are these sentences related?” Well, if you open your bibles to Exodus 20:12, you will find the fifth commandment, which states “honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” To say my faith is important to my dad is an understatement. The most important thing my to my dad, aside from the safety and health of me and mom, is whether or not i still believe Jesus Christ is my lord and savior. But im getting lost in the weeds, lets get back on track.
The point is, my dad sees this as a very personal insult, and a representation of all his fears that I might fail in life in a way that he can't prevent. That's how he's explained it to me. Im not trying to justify or explain away his behavior, I'm just trying to tell you what he's told me.
From my perspective, while Dad was right that my grooming at the time was terrible, my hair style does not, and should not, matter to him. I'll admit, at that time in my life, i was going through a really rough patch that i do not want to go into here. I had some awful habits back then, and i was clinically depressed. But coming in and saying you're gonna kick me out unless i give you what you want isn't what i would call christlike behavior, much less normal empathetic father figure behavior.
So why am i writing about this now? Because he did it again.
So, my dad has still been complaining since the three and a half years this happened, but I've been getting better and better at cleaning and maintaining my hair. Im not going to pretend I'm a master, but at least I'm not using two for one shampoo anymore and have learned how to consistently make a towel wrap. Today (sunday), dad got home from a business trip. When he got home, we didn't really say much because i was rushing to complete summer school homework due by midnight. We said Hi and I love you, but that was pretty much it. I had been working all day on this, since the moment i got up. I missed church because i was exhausted from staying up late, you guessed it, working. After all this time, i finally do it, and go out to have an actual conversation with my dad. And the first thing he says to me during this conversation? After not seeing me since Thursday? “[Long locks], you really need to do something about my hair. You need to remember our agreement. It's becoming a problem.”
Wow. Thanks for the veiled threat dad, nice to see you too.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like i cannot please him. I'm just now getting the hang of this, and its like… he doesn't care. I went to a new barber six weeks ago to cut off my split ends and shape it up. I trim my beard every 4-8 weeks. I shampoo, rinse, condition, rinse, dry, comb with a wide tooth comb, comb with an actual brush and then maybe use a band if dads around, AND ITS STILL NOT ENOUGH. The one day i don't do my hair because i am trying to prioritize the things that matter and he says that.
And the thing that bothers me is that it brings me down all the time. It affects my self-esteem and self-image. And he keeps dangling my ability to live a life over my head unless i give him what he wants, and it makes me wonder where will it end? What will he want me to change next? Will he threaten to take away my clothes? Stuff i bought with the allowance he gives me? This thing that happened today made me realize i am so helplessly dependent on these people and I can't take it anymore. So my thought process is why don't i just save us the trouble of all the shouting, crying and swearing, pack up my bags and leave? Lets save the time and trouble and move on because I don't want to fight.
I'm sorry if this has devolved into an incomprehensible slurry, but I've been trying to write this all down for an hour and i'm so tired. I don't want to give up this piece of myself that I've grown to love. But am I being a big stupid baby about this? Should i just give him what he wants? Or should i take a stand for my own personal boundaries and identity and move out? And if the latter, what should my next steps be?
Thank you for reading this wall of runes. I'm going to pass out now. Good night.

Hello to all you wonderful projector experts! I'm after a bit of advice in choosing a projector so that I can host movie nights at my house. I've been doing a bit of research (watching lots of youtube videos, reading lots of reviews here and elsewhere) but would love some input.
At the moment my preference would be for an ultra short throw projector. The two that have popped up for me within my budget and seem well reviewed as the Hisense PX2-Pro ($2900AUD) and the slightly cheaper Hisense PL1H ($2200AUD). The prices I've listed are based on what I've seen over the last few months in Australia, so please bear that in mind.
I've listed some details according to the wiki below:

1. Maximum budget - $3000AUD (roughly $2000USD) at most.
2. Screen size - I intend to purchase a screen down the line as I can't really afford both at the same time. The room I'll be setting up in is 4.6 m x 4 m and with little else in it other than the couch and a piano, so hopefully enough space for a large screen.
3. Distance from back wall or preferred mounting position to screen wall - As I mentioned, I am leaning towards a UST.
4. Seating distance to screen - ~4-4.6 metres.
5. How will you mount? (ceiling, rear shelf, table) - As mentioned, the preference is for a UST, but I am flexible, it is my own home. Preference is to not spend too much on mounting.
6. Usage: Movies, TV, Games, Sports, etc. - Primarily movies, maybe the occasional bit of gaming.
7. Room type: Dedicated, Mixed use, Living room - Mostly dedicated to the projector. I also have a piano in the room but that's about it.
8. Ambient light, through lighting or light leakage from windows - the room gets some light - there is a large hedge outside that provides a fair bit of shade, and blinds. I intend to purchase blackout blinds in the future.
9. Room colors: Walls, Ceiling, and floors - Walls and ceiling are white/creme, and the floor is carpeted (grey).

The other consideration is sound, of course. I don't have a great sound system at the moment, and if the projector I purchase will require that, it's just another expense to add to the 'buy it down the line when I can afford it' list.
Anyway, if you've read this far... thanks and I appreciate any advice you have to offer. Thanks y'all.

Hi there everyone! First time chicken owner for the past 4 months and I’m totally enamored with them. This question is more about how my husband interacts with the chickens, and I plan to show him what y’all write because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not. My husband has owned pet chickens off and on for many years. When I first moved in with him up until we got married, he had chickens but they didn’t really interact with me. My husband did all the coop work etc. but I noticed he wore his coop shoes into the house, wasn’t handwashing etc. I asked him to be a bit more careful because I have autoimmune disease- to the point- I got really sick like 2 months before our wedding with campylobacter- even though I never touched the chickens at all, don’t eat packaged lettuce or eat chicken or eggs (food allergies) so it was determined it came from our chickens. I was hospitalized and I later developed a very mild form of guillaine barre. It took me 5 months to recover and I’m still dealing with issues related to this and still paying hospital bills.
So- shortly after this a raccoon tore into the coop and killed all 4 girls. It was awfully traumatic and he swore he’d never get chickens again. Well a few months ago he on a whim came home with chicks swearing to reinforce the coop and it would be okay. I ended up being the one that raised and bonded with them and they are super snuggly and really social and I adore them so much. I made him promise that if we were going to go forward with this that he would 1: have separate shoes that he did not bring into the house. 2 wash his hands anytime touching the girls, any thing they come into contact around the coop etc.
So far- I’ve seen him kiss the chickens on the head. I mean- it’s so sweet but come on! Sit out there with him all over his lap then come inside and make sandwiches. Like reaching into communal food- cheese packages bread, cut up fruit (with his bare hands) and not hand washing. keeps coop shoes on in house etc. he plays on his phone with them, sets it on the ground where they poop and later puts it on the kitchen counter and other places where we eat.
I should mention he has frequent stomach pain and now, once again, I have awful diarrhea after he kissed the chicken last week and got a stomach ache and now I have it and I’m terrified I’m going to end up back in the hospital. I’ve been diligent trying to keep up by cleaning up after him but if he’s literally touching our food that isn’t going to be cooked with unwashed hands I don’t always catch this.
Is it crazy for me to expect some level of cleanliness? Or am I being unrealistic here with my expectations? How careful are you with handwashing etc after handling your chickens? Ours always want to sit on our laps. I have a special flannel I wear and another I put on my lap for them. Before I come in the house I take these things off and my boots and leave them hanging in the shed and immediately wash my hands and if I was taking videos of them on my lap I wipe my phone off with an alcohol wipe too since I set it on the kitchen counter to read recipes etc.
I’ve talked to my husband many times about this but it’s just not something he thinks to do- it’s like reminding a 5 year old. I don’t want to nag him but I also don’t want another 20,000 hospital bill or go through what I did again. Please let me know your thoughts because I feel like a crazy germaphobe here! Thanks
Edit to add: I love my husband more than anything- He’s the absolute love of my life and he does so much for me and he’s terribly thoughtful. He’s just a hopeless dirtball. It’s like living with Shrek!

My (28 F) partner (26 M) broke up with me on Friday. We had been together about 6 months and, though it was my shortest relationship, it has been my favorite hands down. We aligned on almost everything interest-wise and he was incredibly reassuring and affectionate. I felt very loved by him and I thought we communicated well and were able to talk through any disagreements or points of negativity that arose. I really felt like we had the foundation for a great future and was very excited and happy to be with him.
Last week he announced that he was going to be moving out of state for work as he has found himself incredibly unhappy in the area we met in. One of the things we connected on first was how much we both loved and identified with our jobs so, while I was devastated about this, I was very supportive of him pursuing his happiness. This would have been his first long distance relationship. My last relationship was 6 years and 5 of them were long distance, so while I was heartbroken about mourning the future I thought we had together (I cannot move out of area for 4 more years) , I was very willing to try.
8 days later he came over to tell me that he came to the conclusion we needed to break up. He revealed he had actually applied to some jobs that were further away than he originally had planned and he no longer thought this would work. I was pretty shocked because he had been so confident that our relationship/love for each other was going to make the distance work. I offered what I could in terms of reassurance that I would give 100% to make us work but he had already made up his mind. He knew I had been cheated on in the past and made a point to emphasize that there wasn't another person involved, he truly just didn't think being far apart would be okay.
Now I'm struggling to get through the days. I cannot stop crying. I loved our relationship so much, and I thought he did too. He made everything feel so happy, fun, loving, and positive. Now I'm having a hard time just believing that he is hurt by this at all. I have spent days crying, today I finally ate. We met at the gym and I've missed the past 3 days because I just can't even get excited about going when I have all of these memories with him there. I can't imagine him crying about us, not having an appetite, struggling to get through work, talking to his friends about us... and that makes it feel even worse. I just have this gut feeling that when he left on Friday he dumped all of our memories, plans, dreams, and love for each other. Just walked out of my life and hasn't felt a thing or looked back once.
I just needed somewhere to put these thoughts. I am so distraught and upset, it feels like this isn't even real right now. He is by far the person I've felt most compatible with and the most like we had a realistically attainable future and it's all gone now. Just so many empty spaces in my life now. I'm hoping that posting this here takes away some of my impulsive thoughts to constantly reach out to him. I wish I could either forget the last 6 months of my life or fast forward until I am not still in love with him. Being the one hurting more in the break up sucks and just makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Just had to put all of this somewhere.

People are often drawn to manifestation to make a specific change in their lives. The common ones include reconnecting with a specific person, finding a new job or making stacks of cash, but there are plenty of others. All of this is achievable as has been proven numerous times. There is, however, a problem that arises when we focus too much on one particular outcome and fail to notice all the other changes around us.
When we want something specific we naturally focus intensely on that one thing. We raise its importance and fail to notice the other things, or even other people, in the world around us. For example, when I was knee-deep in research papers studying for my psychology degree, my apartment was an absolute mess (as were my relationships!). This is a common occurrence in everyday life and it can happen with our manifestation practices too. When it does, it can cause a lot more frustration than a simple messy bedroom.
Being hyper-focused on our specific desires means we’re less likely to observe the positive changes happening in other areas of our lives on our way to manifesting our desired goal. Here’s an example to help explain what I’m getting at. Recently, I caught up with a friend who’d manifested contact with her ex-partner after being separated for long time. It took her around three months from our first discussions before he made contact with her, apologised for the break up, took responsibility for being an absolute man-child (seriously, why she wanted him back is beyond me, but the Law doesn’t judge even if I do) and asked her to meet for a coffee. You’re probably wondering why it took so long. It’s because she was so focused on her specific desire that she didn’t notice how the world around her was changing to accommodate it.
In those three months, the following happened:

• Two other former partners got in touch.
• Animosity with a work colleague subsided, and they’re now good friends (planning a holiday together!)
• Her sister started a relationship with someone her SP knew in University.
• She received flowers from anonymous sender on Valentine’s Day.

She didn’t make the connection between these events and the love she was generating within herself (for herself). Those internal changes were reflecting in her outer world, but because she was fixated on her one goal and wasn't seeing it, she reacted with frustration. You may recognise some of the following reactions as you may have chosen them yourself in the past:

• ‘Not interested in these ex’s! I want my man!’
• ’My colleagues are kinder and life is less stressful. But still no word from my future husband!’
• ’My sister gets a relationship? Why not me?’
• ’Flowers are nice. But I want them from HIM not a stranger.’

Don’t get me started on ‘future’ husband…
We discussed how to choose better reactions and…eventually…the 3D caught up.
The lesson here is about how we react to our circumstances and how that helps or hinders our manifestations. Hyper-focusing on a specific outcome blinds us to seeing the way every cell in existence bends to create the things we want and this can lead us to inadvertently rejecting or delaying that which wants to come to us. So, how should she have reacted to those situations?

• ‘Ex partners are always getting back in touch like this.’
• ‘Isn’t it so wonderful how people forgive the past and become friends again.’
• ‘A secret admirer? There are people that love me and I don’t even realise it.’
• ‘I’m so happy for my sister. There’s enough love in the world for everyone.’

The difference here is clear. This person is in a state that knows her ex returning is normal because she lives in a world that is curated for her (by her own mind) to provide the context for that situation to occur. If you’re new to all this, read that sentence again until it makes sense. I’ll break it down further in a future article and link to it here as well.
The world changes to create a context that allows our manifestations to appear in the most natural way possible. Your dream lover isn’t going to fall from the sky (very unnatural, although I know there will be one person in the comments who is in love with a professional sky diver….), but they are going to arrive when you accept you live in a world where that’s likely to occur and you’re the kind of person it’s likely to happen to.
When you go about your day, look at everything in the way you want to see it. If you’ve been waiting a long time to see your desire in the 3D world, it’s possible you’ve been failing to notice how the world is creating the perfect context for it to appear. I say failing to notice, because the change is always there. It is the law, after all, and it’s our decision to allow ourselves to witness it.
By training your mind to notice and listen to the world around you, you’re more likely to experience events like those my friend described for what they are — reflections of your emergent state of mind. In doing so, you’ll be able to choose to react to them with gratitude and satisfaction, confident in the knowing that your seed has begun to sprout and your wish has already been fulfilled. These circumstances, and all circumstances, should be used for our benefit and with the understanding that your ‘outer’ experience is always working for you.
Now go and create something beautiful.