Steam inhalation loosen chronic chest congestion

Looking for guidance on filing Claim (1st) next week. TIA!!
In Persian Gulf 02Aug90 - 30SEP90 - TERA, Reported Sarin use while ONSTA
Filed intent to file, June 2023
I have Dx and meds.
Do I need to specify primary and secondary?
I have VHA and Civi doc confirming.
Do I also file for Raynauds with pics or wait for Dx?
My list of Diagnoses - most confirmed within a year or so, almost all 5+ to 20 years.
Sorry, the timeline, as best as I can recall.
Nothing prior to service. IN Service: 1990 - Stress-induced asthma 1991 - 6 mos LIMDU s/p fall on ship, LBP, MRI findings. PhysTherapy found bilateral chondromalacia patella, deficit of leg strength Two Psych evals after chewing out CAPT DOC re: heal my back 1992 - 1993 A lot of inhalers and NSAIDS for back pain.
After Honorable: 1997 - VA - albuterol Asthma 2000 - Chronic Rhinitis, Sinusitis, Sleep Apnea Symptoms, Weight gain 2001 - Ride for 9/11 - SD to NYC, Police Escort, Tour Ground Zero still on fire, Numb + Avoidance 2002 - Gout, kidney stones 2004, 2005 - VA - Cardioversions x 2 + OSA CPAP + Hypertension + Borderline A1C @ 6.4, GERD 2006 - CIVI - Anxiety, Asthma, LBP, neck pain, TN, Paroxysmal Afib, CHF 2007 - Pain increased, MDD, Anxiety, Nasal Polyps, common sinus infections, persistent cough 2011 - VA - TIA, Gout+, Hypertension, Kidney Stones, Morbid Obesity 2012 - Divorce w/ profound anger, Isolation begins, Depression +, Lungs feel swollen, SOB 2014 - A1C ~7.0, weight gain, LBP worsens, OSA+CSA BIPAP 2016 - Restless Leg Syndrome, severe asthma, unable to perform job, 50% work 2017 - Nasal Polyps confirmed on MRI, IBS Sx, Shut in, Lost Engagement, Isolation, Max Singulair, Kenalog shot for allergic reactions and worsening breathing. 2020 Back and Neck Pain now CHRONIC, Anxiety Increased, Insomnia, Fatigue, SI, PTSD anger and guilt 2022 - Elevated BNP (confirms CHF), Angiogram for two artery 50% occlusion, PTSD and Insomnia go through the roof as I reduced Percocet from 40 mg/day to 20 mg/day. Psych confirms "compensating behaviors lost during 7 years of consistent Percocet use, Lyrica and Gabapentin both failed as I lost motor control and balance. Lost EOD training buddy to Lung Cancer. Effexor Maxed. Multiuse for rescue inhaler. 2023 - IBS worsens, GERD returns, SI, PTSD rated to 49, Unable to work regularly, physical labor only for 3-5 minutes, walking more than 100 years leads to breathlessness. Add steroid inhaler. 2024 - Afib to Chronic, Start PTSD and MDD counseling with VA

• Heart

CAD - Coronary artery disease (SCT 53741008) DBQ + Angiogram + Stress tests
Chronic diastolic heart failure (SCT 441530006) DBQ + echo + Stress tests + Confirmed
Transient Ischemic Attack Apr 9,2011@11:44
I48.20 Chronic atrial fibrillation R79.89- Elevated brain natrluretic peptide (BNP) level 8/2/22

• Psych

Depression (SCT 35489007)
Anxiety (SCT 48694002)
PTSD Rated 49, Psychiatrist stated anxiety valid for life risk in Gulf Attack
G47.00- Insomnia Ongoing, Part of PTSD

• Neuro

Trigeminal neuralgia (SCT 31681005)
G89.4- Chronic pain syndrome
M79.2 - Neuralgia Part Back Pain

• Gut

R10.9- Abdominal cramping IBS - Dicyclomine
K21.9- GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) after meds jumped again
R11.0- Nausea Zofran
K59.00 - Constipation Part of IBS

• Ortho

M54.5 - Low back pain - CHRONIC 3-8 Naprosyn + 2 Aspirin 325 Daily
M542 Neck pain - CHRONIC 3-8 Naprosyn + 2 Aspirin 325 Daily

• Sleep

Obstructive Sleep Apnea of Adult (SCT 1101000119103) Twice confirmed OSA + CSA
J01.01- Acute recurrent maxilary sinusits Twice Daily flushes, 4-6 infections each year
R53.83- Fatigue
G25.81 - Restless leg syndrome confirmed in latest Sleep Study this month
R09.81 - Congestion of nasal sinus Twice Daily flushes, 4-6 infections each year
J309.- Allergic rhinitis - Chronic Twice Daily flushes, 4-6 infections each year

• Other

Diabetes Mellitus Type 2 (SCT 44054006) Hyperlipidemia (SCT 55822004)
Gout (SCT 90560007)
Morbid obesity (SCT 238136002) Met with Nutrition team and lost weight

Last PCP noted from my Civilian records:
"These records - Dr. Nichols, MD - Show drug compliance, Constant Pain from Back, Recurring Gout and kidney stones, Development of severe lung issues, Rx History."

Over a year ago, I was going through a particularly stressful time and went to my neurologist concerned that I was possibly having Medication Adaption Headaches (MAH aka Medication Overuse Headaches aka Rebound Headaches) or would develop them.
I was having a migraine or headache almost daily. I had been cycling through pain meds to avoid using too much of the same thing and too many triptans mistakenly thinking that this would keep me safe.
My neurologist didn't take any time to discuss why I thought I might be having MAH or what should be done if I was already having them. He did give me the prescription for Aimovig that I asked for, but also a recommendation and prescription for Panadol migraine (same as Excedrin migraine) which I had never taken before. The prescription wasn’t needed to get the Panadol migraine, but it was needed to have it reimbursed by my insurance. I thought because it is OTC in the US (which is where I'm from) that it would be better (again mistakenly) than taking so many triptans.
The aimovig was like putting a bandaid on a gash that needed stitches. I made it another year before I had an absolutely horrible flare-up about 60 days ago that led me to do my own research because my neurologist had failed me horribly and I decided it was most definitely MAH and I needed to detox.
The Detox
I quit taking all pain OTC pain meds and triptans for 60 days (as is recommended in most treatment guides). It took me roughly 9 days to have a noticeable drop in my migraines back to episodic. My migraines have lessened in severity and length over the last 60 days. Though the first week or so was the most challenging to get through, I also had hormonal migraines that were tough. The few other non-hormonal migraines I had later in the 60 days, I was able to clearly identify triggers for. This hadn’t been the case for me in the past. I've also now been able to abort a hormonal migraine with other methods listed here.
Other Options for Pain Relief
(for any meds or supplements always consult your doctor)
Ginger is a great natural painkiller. There is some BS study that says it is as effective as sumatriptan, it most definitely isn't and I'm not going to try to sell it as that, but I would say it is probably as effective as an NSAID. Unfortunately, I’m unable to get GCRP inhibitors where I am so I didn’t have other migraine abortive options, just this.
Benadryl (note: this is the brand name in US & CA, it’s different in Europe) helps me with migraine pain during an attack (sometimes even helps avoid an attack).
A TENS unit was very helpful with migraine pain, but also with cramps during my 60 day detox and I’ll definitely continue using it going forward.
Migraine Cap was especially helpful after the migraine to help with the residual soreness.
Migraine Relief Nasal Inhaler, hot showers, decongestant meds, and decongestant nasal spray* help me because nasal congestion is a major symptom for me. When the congestion is worse, the pain is worse. If I can relieve some congestion, I can also relieve some pain. So I use these as needed depending on the severity of the congestion.
*It is important to note that decongestant nasal sprays can cause rebound congestion if used frequently, follow dosage and warnings on the label.
Myofascial Release & dry needling - this isn’t so much for migraine pain, but it helps me manage back and neck pain that contributes to my migraines and helps me with pain management overall.
The Pain Relief Options That I Wish I Could Have Used or Tried
Balms and patches that you put on your forehead- personally my skin is too sensitive for it, I have tried in the past and it just makes my skin burn (but so does most sunscreen when applied to my face). I’m mentioning these because I think they are a great option for some people and as I was looking through this sub for more ideas of what I could use, they are something that I saw repeatedly that I wish my skin would allow me to use.
Celafy, Nerivio, and Relivion all looked like interesting devices, but sadly aren’t available where I am.
Heated eye massager also looked very appealing and should have been available, but the wrong item was delivered when I tried ordering it and I didn’t feel like trying my luck again. I will definitely get one when I go to the US.
GCRP-inhibitors - these aren’t available where I am so I didn’t have the option to use these as abortives while detoxing from pain meds. I definitely would like the option to be able to use these as abortives for migraines. One study did note they could cause MAH (this is listed below and linked) but there's no good research regarding this as they are so new. I just feel obligated to mention this.
About MAH
Please educate yourself. I have included links to sources. Consult your doctor if you think you might have MAH and advocate for treatment.
1 You have to add up your pain med use!!!
2 OTC Pain Meds+ Triptans + Rx Pain Meds* = 10 Days Maximum Per Month
*Opioids and butalbital may lead to MAH in about 5 days
3 Approximately 50% of patients with chronic migraine have MAH that may revert to episodic headache after drug withdrawal.
Chronic migraine is classified as 15 or more headache days w/ 8 migraine days a month.
Episodic Migraine is classified as 14 or fewer headache and migraine days a month.
4 The name for MAH changed a few times and the one I chose to use is focused on the mechanism that causes the condition rather than the name that sounds like it is blaming the patient (Medication Overuse Headaches). Here’s an article regarding the name dispute.
5 One article even listed GCRP inhibitors as possibly contributing to MAH. But as these medications are new, the research isn't there yet to say if they really do contribute. I just had found it surprising to see and felt obligated to note it.
6 Risk Factors

• Having a primary headache disorder such as migraines.
• Having other chronic pain or gastrointestinal issues.
• Being less physical activity (defined as less than 3 hours of hard physical activity per week)
• Smoking
• Mood disorders
• OCD
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Substance-related disorders
• Cutaneous allodynia 7 (Cutaneous allodynia (CA) is defined as pain resulting from application of a non-noxious stimulus to normal skin)

8 Withdrawal treatment does not only reduce the headache attacks, but also improves responsiveness to acute or prophylactic drugs. Withdrawal symptoms normally last between 2 to 10 days, and do not persist longer than 4 weeks.
Going Forward
I have a number of MAH risk factors including migraines, other chronic pain, anxiety, family history of substance-related disorders, being less physical activity (especially during the time that the stressful situation was happening), and cutaneous allodynia. Had I known about all of these risk factors and that alternating meds would not protect me from MAH, I would have done things very differently. I’ll have to be very careful to not develop MAH again, and actually am thinking of extending my detox because of my risk factors and some concerning statistics regarding allodynia in particular. For now I'm going to try to continue managing my pain with other methods while I can comfortably. Actually just last night I had a hormonal migraine that I managed to abort with a combination of things I listed here that just 2 months ago it would have been at least a level 4 with triptans.
When I do start using pain meds again, I’ll definitely be tracking meds more carefully and adhering to a strict 10 day max per month for OTCs plus triptans. I’ve made an annual tracker that you can print with the maximum days noted for reference.
To the Mods - I’ve noticed many posts with discussion related to MAH being removed. I’ve instructed others to consult their doctor thereby trying to adhere to the sub rules, please let me know if there is something else that might need to be adjusted in order to adhere to the rules.

33F, 5’4”, 200lb… chronic cough for months. Initially provider thought cough was caused by heartburn but heartburn medication has not been helping. Cough produces white and yellow phlegm (mostly cleawhite—yellow in the morning). Friends, family, coworkers have all noticed my cough for months and wonder what is wrong. I finally decided to get looked at but it feels like my symptoms are being minimized.
Chest X-ray was normal.
Prescribed albuterol inhaler (by urgent care, not GP) and told to take mucinex DM by GP. Also taking Zoloft, Famotidine.
Symptoms: wheezing, shortness of breath, constant cough that isn’t helped with cough drops or suppressants, anxiety, depression, fatigue
Photo of spirometry results in comments. Do they look normal, as suggested by my doctor? Nurse had hinted at the time that they were below normal. Should I be seeking a second opinion?
I do occasionally smoke cannabis and have a high amount of allergies. Recently adopted a new dog as well and dogs are one of my top allergies. I take a daily Claritin.
Just really worried my symptoms are being minimized by GP. Of if I am sick, im worried I could have an infection or something that requires a steroid or antibiotic.

26 female. Major diagnoses: congestive heart failure as a result of illness (covid) from 2022.
Smaller diagnoses: chronic migraines, some mental illness.
I take a slew of meds for heart failure and depression/anxiety; I’ll provide a list if someone thinks it’s relevant.
May 15th, I started a dry cough. Symptoms worsened over the next few days (the usual: runny nose, sore throat, coughing horribly, fever, shortness of breath) until I finally went to the ER on May 19th. They said I had pneumonia and told me to come back on a hair trigger if I felt like I was getting worse. They administered doxycycline via IV and gave me two azithromycin pills; sent me home with a prescription for six more azithromycin to be taken once a day, along with a script for an albuterol inhaler.
That said…my dad had a nebulizer breathing treatment machine thing and tubes of albuterol for it. He hasn’t used it in a while so he sterilized it and gave it to me because I was having such a bad time trying to breathe that first week. I’ve done 3?4? treatments with it, one or two that first week (not anymore because I just never felt like cleaning and setting it up each time, I felt that bad), and 2 in the last two days when my mom forced me to bc by the end of the day I’m still struggling to breathe.
I really should have gone back to the ER, because I DID get worse in those few days after leaving the ER, but I did not want to be admitted to the hospital after what happened last time. Looking back I wish I had; these last couple weeks have SUCKED.
I’ve since improved, but still been coughing pretty frequently and having a runny nose. This entire time I’ve been coughing up mucous that’s varied from clear to yellow. I’ve also been sneezing up very thick yellow or white mucous.
This morning, after doing an albuterol breathing treatment last night, I coughed up more mucous. For the most part it was clear, but I saw some flecks of blood, which was odd. A little bit later I coughed so more up and there was still some blood flecks. No big deal, whatever, I’ve been able to breathe pretty well today.
However, it’s late now and I just coughed up so more mucous with a significantly more prominent blood spot in it. The mucous is pretty obviously pinkish red with a couple of flecks of bright blood. It was significant enough that I could taste the iron when it came up.
Should I be worried or is this normal? The ER doc didn’t really tell me what to expect as far as recovery goes; I think he expected me to come back…

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION & INDICATIONS Do not use if you are allergic to dupilumab or to any of the ingredients in DUPIXENT®. Before using DUPIXENT tell, your healthcare provider about all your medical conditions, including if you: • have eye problems. • have a parasitic (helminth) infection. • are scheduled to receive any vaccinations. You should not receive a “live vaccine” right before and during treatment with DUPIXENT. • are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known whether DUPIXENT will harm your unborn baby. • A pregnancy registry for women who take DUPIXENT during pregnancy collects information about the health of you and your baby. To enroll or get more information call 1-877-311-8972 or go to https://mothertobaby.org/ongoing-study/dupixent/. • are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known whether DUPIXENT passes into your breast milk. Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements. Especially tell your healthcare provider if you are taking oral, topical, or inhaled corticosteroid medicines; have asthma and use an asthma medicine; or have atopic dermatitis, chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyposis, eosinophilic esophagitis, or prurigo nodularis and also have asthma. Do not change or stop your corticosteroid medicine or other asthma medicine without talking to your healthcare provider. This may cause other symptoms that were controlled by the corticosteroid medicine or other asthma medicine to come back. DUPIXENT can cause serious side effects, including: • Allergic reactions, DUPIXENT can cause allergic reactions that can sometimes be severe. Stop using DUPIXENT and tell your healthcare provider or get emergency help right away if you get any of the following signs or symptoms: breathing problems or wheezing, swelling of the face, lips, mouth, tongue or throat, fainting, dizziness, feeling lightheaded, fast pulse, fever, hives, joint pain, general ill feeling, itching, skin rash, swollen lymph nodes, nausea or vomiting, or cramps in your stomach-area. • Eye problems. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new or worsening eye problems, including eye pain or changes in vision, such as blurred vision. Your healthcare provider may send you to an ophthalmologist for an exam if needed. • Inflammation of your blood vessels. Rarely, this can happen in people with asthma who receive DUPIXENT. This may happen in people who also take a steroid medicine by mouth that is being stopped or the dose is being lowered. It is not known whether this is caused by DUPIXENT. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have: rash, chest pain, worsening shortness of breath, a feeling of pins and needles or numbness of your arms or legs, or persistent fever. • Joint aches and pain. Some people who use DUPIXENT have had trouble walking or moving due to their joint symptoms, and in some cases needed to be hospitalized. Tell your healthcare provider about any new or worsening joint symptoms. Your healthcare provider may stop DUPIXENT if you develop joint symptoms. The most common side effects include: • Eczema: injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, dry eye, cold sores in your mouth or on your lips, and high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia). • Asthma: injection site reactions, high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia), pain in the throat (oropharyngeal pain), and parasitic (helminth) infections. • Chronic rhinosinusitis with Nasal Polyposis: injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia), gastritis, joint pain (arthralgia), trouble sleeping (insomnia), and toothache. • Eosinophilic Esophagitis: injection site reactions, upper respiratory tract infections, cold sores in your mouth or on your lips, and joint pain (arthralgia). • Prurigo Nodularis: eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, herpes virus infections, common cold symptoms (nasopharyngitis), dizziness, muscle pain, and diarrhea. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any side effect that bothers you or that does not go away. These are not all the possible side effects of DUPIXENT. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Use DUPIXENT exactly as prescribed by your healthcare provider. It’s an injection given under the skin (subcutaneous injection). Your healthcare provider will decide if you or your caregiver can inject DUPIXENT. Do not try to prepare and inject DUPIXENT until you or your caregiver have been trained by your healthcare provider. In children 12 years of age and older, it’s recommended DUPIXENT be administered by or under supervision of an adult. In children 6 months to less than 12 years of age, DUPIXENT should be given by a caregiver. Please see accompanying full Prescribing Information including Patient Information. INDICATIONS DUPIXENT is a prescription medicine used: • to treat adults and children 6 months of age and older with moderate-to-severe eczema (atopic dermatitis or AD) that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin (topical), or who cannot use topical therapies. DUPIXENT can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with atopic dermatitis under 6 months of age. • with other asthma medicines for the maintenance treatment of moderate-to-severe eosinophilic or oral steroid dependent asthma in adults and children 6 years of age and older whose asthma is not controlled with their current asthma medicines. DUPIXENT helps prevent severe asthma attacks (exacerbations) and can improve your breathing. DUPIXENT may also help reduce the amount of oral corticosteroids you need while preventing severe asthma attacks and improving your breathing. DUPIXENT is not used to treat sudden breathing problems. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with asthma under 6 years of age. • with other medicines for the maintenance treatment of chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyposis (CRSwNP) in adults whose disease is not controlled. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyposis under 18 years of age. • to treat adults and children 1 year of age and older with eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE), who weigh at least 33 pounds (15 kg). It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with eosinophilic esophagitis under 1 year of age, or who weigh less than 33 pounds (15 kg). • to treat adults with prurigo nodularis (PN). It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with prurigo nodularis under 18 years of age.

A newcomer to the strange town of Maelstrom finds himself embroiled in a strange festival dedicated to their Great Eel God
“Maelstrom! Everyone off for Maelstrom!” The lethargic voice of the bus driver rang out.
I felt a dozen seated eyes on me as I awkwardly stood up, mumbling apologies as I shuffled past the unhappy-looking man beside me and onto the aisle. I couldn’t help but notice the bus driver’s stare on me as I clambered down the steps off the rickety old bus. Nobody else had alighted with me.
“Hey, sir!” He called out. I gulped. Did he notice…?
“You sure you’re alighting here? Augusta’s two stops down.” He continued.
“I’m alighting here, that’s right.” I said, a small sense of relief washing through me. His eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to say something else, but apparently decided otherwise and bit his lip.
“You’re letting the bugs in!” An annoyed voice shouted from within the bus.
“Alright, suit yourself.” The driver gave me a slow shake of the head before closing the doors. The bus drove on down the lonely road, spluttering black exhaust as it clattered onwards.
I took a deep inhale, breathing in the salty scent of the sea. It had been a long time since I was on the coast, or anywhere nice, really.
It was a short walk off the road and along the coast before I came upon it: Maelstrom. The tiny quiet fishing village stretched from the coast all the way up the side of a hill. The villagers had carved the slope up into terraces, each packed with houses, narrowing the higher up the hill they went. Each terrace had its own path, and they were connected by steep flights of stairs cut into the earth.
Something caught my eye. At the heart of the village, around halfway up the hill, construction was ongoing. It seemed like some sort of festival square, wooden beams and arches draped with unlit white lanterns. Two open-air wooden towers flanked the square reaching in height to the next terrace up, a wooden plank connecting it to that path. Banners with all colours of the rainbow were strung up between them.
My gaze then leapt from house to house, spotting a lone red one at the very top where I presumed the village chief stayed, but none of them showed any signage designating them as an inn.
 
“An inn?” The first stranger I’d gone up to asked as if it were the strangest question in the world. He was slightly taller than me, with dry matted hair and leathery sun-baked skin. “We don’t have an inn.”
“You don’t?” My eyes widened.
“Don’t get visitors around here. We don’t like tourists.” He gnashed his crooked teeth together.
“I’m not a tourist. I just want to stay here for a few days before moving further upstate.”
“Well, doesn’t change much. We don’t have an inn, a motel, or a hotel here.”
“Great…thanks anyway.”
Staring at the man as he limped off towards the coast, various possible solutions ran through my head. This wasn’t going to be fun.
 
My sore knuckles rapped against the next door down.
“Hey, sir, I’m new in town. I’m wondering if you have a room that I could rent for about three to four days.” I forced a smile for the umpteenth time.
“No tourist is going to live in my house.” The bald grumpy fisherman slammed his door in my face.
“I don’t even have enough rooms for my own family, run along.” The bearded man with a long scar across his eye shooed me away.
“Leave!” I heard the elderly lady latching at least three locks on her door.
“Sorry, no openings here.” A young woman said, only peeking her right eye at me from behind her door.
The setting Sun’s orange rays peeked through from behind the hill and cast a long shadow behind me as I went for what must have been my millionth door and tapped on it. It slowly creaked open.
“Hi sir, I’m new here. Do you have room for rent or something?” I asked. God, I was thirsty.
“Room?” A raspy deep voice emerged from the house. Elongated thin fingers about the length of my hand wrapped around the edge of the worn wooden door and pulled it open, slowly revealing the inhabitant to me.
The man was tall, at least two metres in height. He towered far above me, bending down nearly 70 degrees to avoid hitting the doorframe. I barely reached his hips, which were supported on disproportionately long and thin legs. A belt had been curled three times around his waist to hold up his baggy pants…or were they regular-sized?
“You need a room, you say?” His beady eyes surveyed me as he leaned out the doorframe, then grunted in annoyance at the sunlight reflecting off the sea. The brief glimpse of him in the light illuminated what his wrinkled, sagging oval-shaped face. Both it and his long neck were covered in black festering sores. He settled back halfway out the door.
“I think I’ve one to spare, young man.” The man said, scratching his arms. I had a sudden, very bad feeling about this situation.
“A-actually, I don’t need one.” I stammered out.
“So, you knocked on my door for fun?” He glared at me, his scratching on his arms getting faster and faster. “I think it’d be rude not to come in to take a look, wouldn’t it?”
“No, no, um…how many rooms do you have on offer?”
“One.”
“Ah, see, I’m actually renting for two people.” I said, before another thought rushed into my mind. “And we both cannot stand being in the same room with each other.”
“Hmm…well I think I could spare two rooms.” He pondered, biting on the skin of his index finger and pulling it a dozen centimetres away before letting it snap back.
“Did I say two? I meant three people total.” I nodded frantically. “Three rooms. We all hate each other.”
He stared at me.
“Welp, gotta go then.” I gave him a slight bow and power-walked away from the house as fast as I could.
Just my luck! I grumbled under my breath as I walked off. I’d chosen this town since it was so remote and unknown. Just one review on Google too (one star), saying it was weird but cheap. Everything lined up, or so I’d thought.
Now what? Addison was probably heading this way, if she hadn’t been caught already, but it would take three or four days. The thought of sleeping rough in such a strange town didn’t bode well, but if I had no choice…
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I nearly walked straight into a thick wooden pillar in the middle of the terrace path. Looking round in annoyance at this awful bit of town design, I realised I’d accidentally stumbled my way onto the festival square. Nobody seemed to be around; it was evening after all.
Rounding the pillar of the leftmost tower, I stepped onto the festival square. It was about 15 metres wide or so, with the centre having a massive rectangular platform raised slightly from the ground, stretching to the edge of the terrace facing the sea. Perhaps they’d construct some altar of sorts, I thought.
I stared into the sea, waves gently lapping at the shore. I blinked. For a moment, I thought there had been something utterly massive under the waves.
“First time seeing this?” A gentle-sounding voice came from behind me. I quicky turned round to see an attractive young man, looking to be around my age, with loose, neck-length black hair and tanned skin, dressed in a T-shirt and frayed jean shorts.
“Umm…sorry I was just taking a look.” I tried to explain.
“Yeah, don’t worry, you’re new.”
“Oh, is it that obvious?” I scratched my hair sheepishly, cheeks turning red.
“We don’t get many visitors, and people who live here don’t gawk at the festival square like that.” He said, running his hand along the wooden pillar of the towers. As if on cue, a tall woman with stringy blonde hair walked by, clasped her hands, and slightly bowed at the square, before continuing onwards without a second glance at us.
“What’s this festival about anyway?” I asked, glancing round at all the beautiful decorations in the half-finished square.
The young man stepped closer to me and pointed out to the sea, where the waters twinkled with the orange sunlight and where several boats were slowly pulling back to the small harbour.
“This town worships a god, who lives in the sea. Each year, we hold a festival, lighting this square up, and bring him to shore where we give him our devotion.”
“And he shows up?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright.”
“You don’t believe me, I get it.” He giggled. “Just look there.”
I followed his finger, watching it trace an invisible line from the square all the way to the coast, across dozens of houses. At first, I didn’t quite get what he was showing me. There wasn’t a road or path for this god of theirs, it was just various houses, somewhat haphazardly built.
That’s when I noticed it. These homes. They were repaired out of seemingly whatever materials the villagers could get, unlike the ones to the edges of the village or in the terraces of the hill. They looked awful, like two halves made from different materials and by different people had been awkwardly smushed together, but only houses in a rough wide line from the coast to the square. Almost as if a very precise tornado ripped through there a year ago.
Or a god.
“Well, if that’s true,” my mind was racing for explanations, “why would they rebuild their houses in the same place? Why not leave a proper gap for your god?”
“That’d be the smart choice, I guess,” he had a small grin on his beguiling face, “but people think its auspicious if their homes get touched by the divine.”
Touched? Just how big was this god of theirs, if he were actually real?
“When is this festival?”
“In two days. We’ve never actually had a newcomer arrive this close to the festival. Will you be staying?”
That stomped my current conundrum firmly back into my conscious thoughts and all I could do was sigh. “Well, I want to, but this place doesn’t actually have an inn, and people don’t want me to rent out a room.”
A twinkle seemed to appear in his brown eyes.
“You’re not going to believe this.”
 
“Hmm…”
I sat straight as a needle and sweated buckets as the short, middle-aged woman with dark eye circles and braided hair circled me, looking me meticulously up and down by the light of a candle.
At the other side of the small wooden dining table sat the young man, who I now knew as Erik, giving me an embarrassed smile, frequently averting his eyes.
“Mom, come on, isn’t that enough? Nick's fine.” He shook his legs anxiously.
“Hmm…he seems nice enough, not like a troublemaker.” She said in a wiry voice. Erik covered one side of his face in sheer awkwardness.
“Plus, he’s not bad in height.” She continued.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, throwing in a half-hearted laugh to avoid sounding rude.
“We like tall people around here. The taller, the better. It symbolises closeness with our deity.” Erik explained. The image of that grotesquely tall man staring at me in the doorframe crept back into my brain.
“We’ll let you take that room then.” Erik’s mother pointed to the closest of a set of three doors. “Rent will be $30 a day, and you will have to pay for what you eat here at the end of your stay.”
“Thank you so much!” I leapt up and shook her hand, feeling the weight of one solved problem being relieved, and at a price I could afford too! I’d been saving so much on my money that I’d even actually not gotten a real ticket for that bus ride. That would be solved once Addison makes it here. If she could without getting caught. Right away, I handed over the $30 in cash.
“Hope you like seafood.” Erik was positively beaming, an alluring smile from ear to ear.
“Don’t worry, I love seafood.” I said, sitting back down at the table again.
“Speaking of seafood, those useless fishermen caught less than half their usual haul today.” She said, bringing a plate of steamed fish to the table, the aroma making my famished stomach grumble.
“Mom, it’s just that they caught so many eels this time.” Erik said, clearly salivating at the food too.
“Eels are nice.” I said, causing both to look at me. “I’ve a friend, Kana, who’s really into researching them.”
“Research?” Erik’s mother raised an eyebrow.
“You know, studying them in jars, cutting them up after death, that kind of stuff.” I’d just finished the sentence, but it was like someone had taken a knife to the mood. Both the others at the dinner table now stared at their food, disdain slowly rising in Erik’s mother’s face.
“Um, Nick,” Erik cleared his throat, “eels are kinda sacred here in Maelstrom.”
I felt a deep sinking feeling in my gut.
“Sorry, really sorry, I didn’t know.” I said, looking over to Erik.
“Newcomers are always like this, right?” He gave his mom a light laugh in an attempt to defuse the situation.
“Don’t say it again.” She stared straight through my soul.
“Never will.”
 
The room they gave me was alright apart from all the junk that looked like it had been dumped in the corner and chopped apart with an axe.
“And that is?” I pointed at it, small candle in hand.
“Ah well,” Erik sat down on the bed, bouncing on the mattress a little, “this was my uncle’s room. But he did something we didn’t like.”
“We as in you and your mom?”
“We as in Maelstrom.” Erik looked down at his feet. “Look, there are some lines you don’t cross if you were born here, and he did.”
“And he’s…gone?”
“He left the village. Mom gave him three days to come back, and when he didn’t, she destroyed everything that he owned and has been looking for someone to live in this room for a while. To get rid of the scent, according to her.”
“Why not burn it, instead of just leaving it lying in a corner?”
“We’re not really allowed to start a fire so close to Storålens natt, even during the day. Inauspicious thing.”
“Sto-what?”
“The festival.” He let out a giggle. “Like I said earlier, we light up the square at night and bring our god in once a year. Every other night, Maelstrom is darkness incarnate.”
I peered out of the window, and he was right. The only light source was the dim glow from the candle in my hand. Everything outside the wooden windows had been swallowed up by the pitch-black night. I could hear footsteps in the dirt and some light chatter from nearby, but unease crept into me at not being able to actually lay eyes on those producing the sounds.
“That’s…creepy.”
“You get used to it. You can start unpacking now, I guess.” Erik motioned towards my bag.
“I don’t have much.” I chuckled softly, unslinging the backpack from my shoulders, placing it on the floor, and pulling my camera from it.
“Is that…?” His eyes widened.
“A digital camera, yeah. Smile.” I raised it to my eyes and aimed it at him. He let out a childish squeak and waved his outstretched hands to block his face.
“Don’t worry, I’m just joking.” I laughed again, lowering the camera and moving to replace it in my bag.
“Are you any good at photo taking?”
“Sure, I’m decent.”
“Hmm, I suppose it would be a waste to not take a picture.”
“So, you do want it, Erik?”
“Alright, Nick, you can take your photo. And you can delete it if it’s not good either.” He hurriedly threw the second sentence in.
“Smile.” I brought the camera up. Erik scrambled to a better position on the bed, crossing his left leg over the other and giving a slight smile. I clicked the button and enveloped him in a bright flash which made him flinch in surprise.
“Careful, don’t aim that out of the window.” He warned, before pushing that concern aside and practically bounding across the room to me. “How does it look? Not too bad, I hope.”
I flicked it over to gallery, staring at the captured image: his twinkling brown eyes, his smooth hair, and semi-confident look. “I think you look great.”
“That’s quite good. Uncle never took photos like this with his camera.” He rubbed his hands together in excitement.
“Did it get smashed to pieces?”
“He took it when he left.” He said with a wistful tone that clearly divulged some sort of longing for that man. “Do you have anything else fancy?”
“Just my extra clothes mostly.” I gave him an apologetic smile.
“You’re not traveling with much. Where are you going after these three days?”
“Upstate probably. Just waiting right now for a girl, Addison.”
“A…girlfriend?” He looked away at the floor.
“Nah, just a good friend. A partner of sorts.” I just hoped she’d avoided trouble so far.
“And you’ll be settling down somewhere in northern Maine then.”
“I suppose, yeah. You?”
“We’re not really allowed to leave. That’s part of why my mom was so mad about my uncle.” He sighed, anxiously fiddling with his fingers. “When we reach adulthood, all of us swear an oath for a lifetime of devotion to our god.”
Both of us fell silent for quite a few seconds before he awkwardly got up and cleared his throat. “I’ll leave you to it then. Goodnight, Nick.”
“Goodnight, Erik.”
 
They say the first night in an unfamiliar place is always sleepless. I’d managed to sleep in all sorts of places just fine since I left home seven years ago. But now here I was, staring into the ceiling, engulfed in total darkness now that I’d snuffed the candle out. Something about Maelstrom was off. It wasn’t just the weird customs or religion. The whole village felt wrong.
As I tossed and turned in the bed too short for my stature, strange sounds began to creep through the closed windows. I strained my ears, trying to make it out.
That was…hammering? Sawing? Soft chatter. Dragging wood and metal. Slowly, I got to my feet and crept to the window, pulling them open. The noises got louder. It was definitely construction, and it seemed to be coming from the direction of the festival square. Of course, as much as I squinted, I failed to pierce the veil of night that hid them. Why were they doing building up the festival stuff without any light? It seemed like a safety hazard.
Should I…take a photo with flash?
No, no, awful idea. Erik already warned me about the rules. Physically shaking my head as if to get that dumb thought out of it, I closed the wooden windows again and settled back in bed, the sounds of them building the festival square forming a monotonous background noise.
I’d just began to drift into sleep when I heard a different, louder sound. Boots crunching in the rocks and dirt, getting closer and closer. My mind shot awake immediately, but I stayed lying under the blanket. Just someone passing by with materials, probably.
The footsteps got closer and closer until they got to outside my window. Then they stopped.
I sat up quietly.
Sniffing sounds came from outside. I heard the wooden windows slowly open with a creak.
As silently as I could, I reached into my bag, taking extra care until I felt the metal blade of my knife and the remnants of dried blood on it. Tracing my finger along until it touched the handle, I grabbed the weapon and pulled it out, crouching low to the ground and very slowly creeping until I was beside the window, which had just hit the angular limit of its opening.
Then nothing.
They were waiting, I was sure of it. Waiting for me or waiting for something. I couldn’t see a damn thing, so I only had my ears. It was quiet except for the distant construction and the loud thudding of my heart, pounding at my ribcage. My hands were so sweaty I was sure I was going to drop the knife and alert whoever it was.
I could smell something vaguely fishy. As in actual fish. What the hell was happening? Should I go back to the bedside and light the candle?
Something big touched me on the front of the chest. Barely able to restrain a yelp, I hacked the knife down as hard as I could, cutting through it. Something heavy thudded to the floor and a deep howl of pain came from outside the window. Footsteps quickly retreated away from my window towards the festival square.
One hand still clutched on the knife handle in a death grip, I backed away until I felt my legs hit the bed. My left hand swept across the bedside until I grabbed the lighter, flicking it on and reigniting the candle.
I pushed the windows closed with my foot to make sure no light escaped and crouched down to the floor, searching for whatever I’d chopped off. My heart nearly stopped when I saw red blood staining the wooden floor. Following the trail, I spotted my target.
Still squirming on the floor was a severed human finger, at least fifteen centimetres long.
 
All the colour drained out of Erik’s face when I showed him the bloody mess the next morning.
We went out for a walk at dawn at his insistence, and I watched as he quickly tossed the finger into a small pond nearby, where the fish began to devour it ravenously.
“Don’t talk about it.” He told me grimly, and I could do nothing but nod. After a quick breakfast, Erik led me down the hill and into the more coastal section of Maelstrom. We navigated through streets filled with junk, where stray cats hissed at us and tired-looking villagers shot us glances as they went about the chores. Up close, these hastily rebuilt houses looked even worse. Walls barely held up corrugated metal roofs and gaping holes led water into them.
Finally, we arrived at the vacant remnants of a house that evidently never got reconstructed. Most of the items in the house had been cleared, as had much of the debris, leaving several piles of junk and the occasional weathered piece of furniture, where two others sat, a young man and young woman with dark tanned skin.
“Who’s the tagalong?” The woman asked, giving us friendly waves.
“This is Nick, he showed up in Maelstrom yesterday. Nick, my friends Jonas and Sigrid.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“We haven’t had a newcomer come this close to Storålens natt before.” Jonas mused.
“How exciting.” Sigrid said with a level of sarcasm I didn’t know was possible. “You looking to get eaten too?”
“Eaten?!” I exclaimed in alarm. “What do you mean?”
Both of them looked over at Erik.
“What?” He shrugged sheepishly. “There wasn’t a good time to explain yesterday.”
“You’re saying this festival involves people getting eaten? I thought your god just came ashore, crushed a few buildings, and got worshipped.”
“See this house we’re sitting in?” Sigrid said.
“Not really much of a house.” I pointed out.
“Exactly. The Larsen family used to live here. Two elderly parents and an unmarried son. The two old folks got eaten a couple of festivals ago, and their son finally went with them last year. Nobody was left to rebuild this place, so the village chief just collected their stuff and distributed it.”
“You need to explain what the hell happens.”
“Our god, a great eel, comes out onto land on Storålens natt every year.” Erik said, a deep frown on his suddenly crestfallen face. “Part of the festival…the most important part…devotees feed themselves to him.”
I gulped reflexively.
“They stuff him as much as possible, and he vomits out most of them before he leaves. Those ‘lucky’ ones are consumed, and we believe he takes them to his underwater kingdom to live for eternity. The Larsens got lucky, as they say.”
Words failed me in the moment. I looked back and forth at all three of them. Jonas gave me a sympathetic shrug.
“And those that get thrown up?” I finally said after what felt like an eternity of silence.
“They get blessed by the Great Eel God, physically.” Sigrid said.
My mind, overwhelmed by racing thoughts, snapped on a crystal-clear image. “You mean they get really tall and thin.”
“That’s one of them.” She nodded.
“Erik,” Jonas said hesitantly, “is your mother still insisting on feeding the Great Eel God tomorrow?”
He looked away. Both Jonas and Sigrid gave him empathetic looks.
“But don’t you all think that’s good? I mean, in your religion?” I asked.
“We’re supposed to.” Sigrid sighed. “But once you’ve actually…lost people or seen them change, it doesn’t feel good.”
“All the proper adults, our parents, the chief, everyone. They say it’s the nature of youth to have shaky faith in the Great Eel.” Jonas threw his hands up. “As if we don’t know anything.”
“Hate the chief.” Sigrid growled. “Spineless prick. When my grandma got eaten, he scolded me when I was sad. Said I was selfish.”
“We just have to go with it. Not like we can leave anyway.” Jonas continued.
“Why not?”
“I already told you last night. We’re not allowed to.” Erik said.
“Are there guards preventing you from leaving?”
“Um…no?”
“Then why can’t you leave?” The three of them stared at me incredulously.
“We can’t just leave our parents, you dick.” Jonas’ face reddened.
“It’s Nick. And I ran from my home when I was just 13. Sometimes, if there’s a situation where you just have to get out, you get out, even if it hurts. You have to let go.”
They all glanced at each other, except Erik, who stared at the ruined ground and refused to look over.
“And has your life been good since you ran away?” Sigrid asked.
I took a sharp inhale. “Well, no, it’s been pretty awful to be honest, but it was better than staying with my mom and dad. I’m just saying, really think about it.”
We stayed talking for a while, them prodding me for life details and me prodding them on this festival, but nothing substantial came from it. Sigrid and Jonas showed me around the coast, and before I knew it, the Sun was setting again. We bid goodbye to the two and Erik led me back up the hill through the steep terrace staircases and back to his home.
As we reached the terrace where his home was located, our path was blocked by two figures. I recognised the first man immediately. Looming menacingly before us was the same tall, thin man that I had rejected the room rent offer from, his saggy face with disgusting black sores moving closer to me.
“Village chief!” Erik greeted immediately, standing up straight.
“He’s the village chief?” My disbelief that my luck could be that bad rising.
“Is there a problem?” The village chief rubbed his ten spindly fingers together.
“Oh, no, chief. I’d just assumed that the village chief would be staying at that lone house up there.” I pointed to the highest house on the hill, roof glinting with sunlight.
“That’s just where Old Henriksen stays. Just a weirdo who never shows up.” Erik explained. A weirdo even by Maelstrom’s standards? That I had to see.
“Through my tenure as chief and my predecessors before me, it was deemed untenable to move Old Henriksen from his rightful home. But enough about that. I see you have decided to stay, newcomer.” He said.
“Yes, with Erik here.”
His lips curled open, but not into a smile, instead showing his rotting pointed teeth.
“I recall you saying you had two companions with you who required separate rooms. Yet young Erik here only has one room to spare, that of his rotten uncle.” His breath was pungent like rotting fish and meat.
“They decided they hated this place and left for Augusta.” I stood as strong as I could, barely hiding the sheer panic telling me to run for the next town.
“Very well. You are welcome in Maelstrom, even to observe Storålens natt, but we will not allow you to participate.”
“I understand.” Not like I wanted to get eaten by this supposed eel god anyway.
“And you will not take any photographs or videos to share with the outside world. This is our most sacred ceremony…I hope you understand for your own good.” He slapped me on the shoulder with his hand, fingers wrapping halfway down my spine.
“Of course.” I said, stepping back to dislodge the physical contact. “We will be hosting it here tomorrow night.” He gestured at the festival square one terrace step down. Work had been done on it since yesterday. A wooden roof structure with angular bent pillars covered the rectangular platform, now covered with a glittering piece of purple velvety cloth. The decorations of unlit lanterns and banners was far more complex, criss-crossing over and hanging from every available height.
“One more thing, don’t forget not to use any bright lights at night, or there will be consequences.” The chief said, breaking into a smile. “At last, after having been so devoted for so long, I will finally get my chance to join our god down in his eternal abyssal domain.”
“You’re leaving tomorrow?” Erik asked, surprised.
“Yes, Edvard here will be taking over.”
The man behind him, even taller and thinner with crumpled scratchy skin, nodded in a way that was somehow threatening. He scratched furiously at his face, where the skin was clearly peeling off and red raw.
“You better listen, newcomer.” His voice was thin and croaky.
His hand. Where his index finger should be was instead bandaged and stained with dried red blood.
“Lost your finger recently?” I stared at him. He returned the gaze with his beady dark eyes.
“Fishing accident.”
 
The exquisite taste of the salmon was almost enough to make me cry.
Erik’s mother looked at me amused as I scarfed down the food as soon as it touched my plate.
“See, son? My cooking is as good as it still is.” She boasted with the proudest grin on her face.
Erik stared sullenly into his own plate of food, taking the smallest nibbles once in a while. As dinner went on, his mother talked constantly to both of us, but he never replied to her once.
“What are you so angry about?” She finally asked. “Is it about Storålens natt?”
He didn’t speak.
“Erik, I’ve been waiting for this chance for a long time. I know your faith is shaky.”
Silence.
“Your father got lucky that day, you know?”
“He did. But we didn’t.” Erik mumbled just loudly enough for us to hear.
“Stop talking nonsense, Erik.”
“He got to go to his eternal underwater kingdom. We had to live life without him.”
“You should be happy for him.”
“I am. I’m just not happy for us.”
“I know you miss him, Erik. I miss him too.”
“Then why did you let him go?” He was shouting. “Why did you let the Great Eel God consume him?”
“It’s what he wanted.”
Erik silently shook his head, staring down at the table. “He was being selfish, letting us go.”
“Erik, what are you talking about?” His mother snapped at him.
“How much of our money did you have to spend on this?” He jabbed a fork at the salmon.
“Having a guest over is a special occasion.” His mother awkwardly glanced at me.
“Uncle Jakob had to get two jobs to help earn us enough money. He saw Storålens natt for what it was. That’s why he ran away.”
“That idiot abandoned us!” She slammed a palm on the wooden table. “He left us to have to fend for ourselves.”
“Isn’t that what dad did too?”
The sheer boiling rage displayed across her face made me want to cower under the furniture. She grabbed him by the collar and dragged him with little resistance to her room and slammed the door shut. I heard loud cursing and the sound of palms colliding onto flesh. My appetite suddenly gone, I hurriedly retreated into my room.
About half an hour later, I heard the door open and slow footsteps shuffle into Erik’s bedroom. I heard him crash onto his bed and softly sob for a long while. Part of me urged me to go over to talk to him, comfort him, but when I stood up, nothing but a huge wave of anxiety and fear washed over me.
Giving up on that thought, I sat back down on the bed and took my camera out in the dim candlelight. Clicking into the gallery immediately took me to the pleasant photo of Erik last night.
Could I? Should I?
Two sides of my mind were in fierce debate. I’d enough run-ins with the law not to risk it. Not to mention the village chief had warned me of ‘consequences’.
But listening to the quiet weeping next door, I had to. I was going to capture evidence of this accursed festival tomorrow and get some sort of law enforcement intervention.
 
Read PART TWO here.

Hey everyone! I (27F) have been dealing with a pretty persistent cough since last monday (5/20). It started off mostly dry, transitioned into a wet cough and now it’s a mix of both. I have absolutely zero other symptoms - no chest/abdominal pain, no fever, no chills, no abnormal fatigue/malaise, no headaches, nothing other than the cough and maybe a slight amount of congestion, as well as some light green/yellow sputum coming up with my coughs every so often. As of today, the cough is mostly productive (wet) in the morning and throughout the afternoon it is pretty minimal and tolerable but as the day transitions into night, the cough turns dry and makes it really hard to relax and fall asleep. To help try and soothe it, I have been taking steam showers/baths, eating a spoonful of honey at night, taking cough drops, and applying vicks vaporub to my chest/throat before bed. I am wary about seeing a doctor since I am mostly asymptomatic and I am unsure what they would even do for me at this point. Any recommendations or suggestions on what could cause a pretty much symptom-less cough? Remedy suggestions? Thoughts on if I should see a doc? Thank you!!

I’m a 19 year old female, 5ft, 115lbs, currently diagnosed with sle lupus and POTS, I don’t smoke or drink and I don’t take any medication currently.
During the beginning of April I noticed a red rash on my armpits. I just made sure to wash the area really well and switched my deodorant thinking it was irritated and would go away. It didn’t look as bad after a week so I just ignored it. At the end of April I was super sick, my throat was so sore I couldn’t talk, fever, chills, nausea, body aches, headaches, etc. I tested negative for everything and was sent home from urgent care with amoxicillin. I started feeling worse after almost a week and went back with chest pain, congestion, and shortness or breath. I was given a methylpredsolone pack and an inhaler and it eventually went away in a week.
During this my rash got far worse and it looked like a yeast/funal infection. I tried using an over the counter clotrimazole cream but it didn’t help. This last week or two I’ve felt extremely sick again. Extreme on and off stomach pain (upper abdomen on both sides, below my ribs as well as in my rib area), headaches, bloating, fever, chills, fatigue and constipation. I typically have joint pain along with random shooting pains and they have significantly worsened over the week.
I went to urgent care and they gave me methylpredsolone again along with a triamcinolone acetonide cream. My rash is clearing up but I still feel really sick. I’m not sure what to do and if this will clear up or if I should go back to urgent care or the er. I can’t get into my doctor until the end of next month. The urgent care in my town isn’t the best as I live in a bad area but I usually try to avoid er bills so I’m hesitant on going if it isn’t serious.
Just looking for anyone’s thoughts on this and to see if anyone thinks an er trip might be worth it?

sunday - sx onset (scratchy throat) monday - felt sick - sore throat, whooping cough, body aches - tested positive (expired test), tested negative (new test) tuesday - sore throat, cough, chills, fever, body aches, headache, shortness of breath wednesday - tested positive x2 - started paxlovid - sore throat, body aches, less of a cough, some shortness of breath/tightness in chest, congestion paxlovid day 1: metallic taste, diarrhea, tiny bit of a headache but unsure if it’s due to the medication or covid thursday - sore throat, little cough, mild tightness of chest, congestion paxlovid day 2: woke up with more energy but had the same sx, not much relief, metallic taste, diarrhea friday - positive test in the am, had more energy, hardly any cough, less congestion, tightness of chest (mild) paxlovid day 3: metallic acid reflux in the am, diarrhea (green), dry mouth in pm, feeling like the pill is making me anxious? saturday - positive test in the am, more energy, tiny cough, no more sore throat, mild congestion paxlovid day 4: metallic taste, no diarrhea, minor headache sunday - negative tests, sooooo much better, tiny cough, tiny bit of congestion, feels like i’m getting over a cold paxlovid day 5: am dose - really bad GI upset, nausea, diarrhea, gas, metallic taste, indigestion
5 day post paxlovid: still have some mild GI upset but i can tell it’s dying down. i still have fatigue and a lingering cough but haven’t experienced a rebound. i truly believe i would’ve gotten much more sick without paxlovid, i was having to use my inhaler with paxlovid i can only imagine without!

Hi all, I got the procedure done Friday. If not for this subreddit, I never would have realized I had a treatable medical condition. So I wanted to share a detailed account, in case it helps anyone, especially anyone who's anxious about getting the Botox.
Pre-Botox
I visited Dr. Bielamowicz in March. It was a pretty straightforward visit. I told him I’ve never been able to burp. He asked about the problems that causes — bloating, stomach pain, avoiding exercise because of the stomach issues, etc. He put the camera down my nose and throat and had me say “eeeeh,” “aaaah,” and other noises. I wouldn’t recommend trying to swallow while the camera is down your throat, since it might make you gag.
Dr. B. also immediately noticed that I was coughing and clearing my throat a lot. I mentioned that, separately from the R-CPD issue, I’d been consistently congested since I had a minor cold in November. He said that could be connected to the R-CPD.
He prescribed pantoprazole to reduce my stomach acid, partly because it might help my congestion (if it’s connected to reflux) and partly because he often puts people on it after the Botox injection. It didn’t help the congestion, unfortunately. But I’m taking it post-Botox out of fear that I’ll get bad reflux while my cricopharyngeus is on vacation.
Someone in Dr. B.’s office sent a follow-up email to the wrong address and had a bit of an attitude about it, but otherwise, it was an easy process setting up the procedure. The hospital let me know a few days beforehand that I’d have to pay about $530 after insurance.
Day 0
My surgery was scheduled for 9 a.m. at George Washington University hospital, and the staff told me to arrive two hours early. We got there at 7 and all the administrative staff members were very polite and professional. I got called back to the pre-op room a little after 8 and was allowed to bring my wife. A nurse told me to change into a hospital gown, the sticky-bottom socks, and a hairnet. She stuck a pad on my lower back to avoid pressure injuries. She wrapped foam sleeves on my calves, which she said would prevent blood-clotting. Both seemed unnecessary for a 30-minute procedure, but I appreciated that they diligently took precautions and didn’t cut corners. Two nurses conferred on how best to insert the IV into my hand, and they succeeded on the first try.
Dr. B. came by and answered my questions. He said he planned to use between 80 and 100 units of Botox, and that he’d decide the exact amount based on how big the muscle is. I didn’t bother to ask how much he used afterward because I was loopy and figured I’d forget the answer. Or maybe I did ask and then I forgot.
Two anesthesiologists came by and asked a bunch of standard medical questions and answered my questions. Everyone looked at my teeth to make sure they wouldn’t get knocked out by the breathing tube. I got anxious, laying naked under hospital sheets, surrounded by doctors, with various things being taped onto or stuck into me. I started breathing heavily and mentioned that I was nervous. They gave me a “cocktail” through the IV to help me chill out. After all the questions, they put up the bed’s guardrails and rolled me into the operating room, where my memory is pretty hazy. They attached the foam sleeves on my calves to some sort of massaging machine, I think to keep my blood circulating. The top of my gown came off and they put a bunch of little stickers on my chest. They wrapped me up in a heated blanket, like it had been in a sauna. Someone put a mask over my mouth and told me to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth.
I woke up in the pre-op room, and a nurse asked me how I was feeling. My mouth was dry, so she gave me a juicebox. I was mildly nauseous, too, but that went away in a few minutes. I said my calves were sore and she said it was probably from the massaging machine. I asked how long I’d been out of the operating room and she said about 30 minutes. I asked how it went and she said it went well. In retrospect, I assume that was probably the third or fourth time I asked those questions. My throat was mildly sore — I was surprised it wasn’t worse. When I left, she said to walk around and not sit all day, to avoid blood clotting.
All in all, I’m fortunate to have had a low-stakes experience with the GWU operating room. If I ever get rolled in there for something more serious, I’ll be confident in the doctors and nurses. I appreciate that Dr. B., the anesthesiologists, and the nurses answered all of my wife’s questions. She was nervous, too, and no one dismissed her concerns, even though this wasn’t exactly open-heart surgery.
I hobbled out the front door of the hospital, where my wife was waiting with the car. I was groggy but not confused or sick. We went on a couple little walks that day, but mostly I laid around because I was exhausted. I developed a mild fever, which went away with Tylenol.
Day 1 - pretty normal
I had little burps coming out, right when I woke up. My throat felt fine and I had no problem swallowing, even with dry foods like bread.
The hospital had said not to have alcohol for 24 hours after the surgery. I felt fine and it had been almost 36 hours, so I had two glasses of wine with dinner. I probably should have waited another day, because that night I had extremely vivid dreams and woke up feeling almost as groggy as when I came out of anesthesia. I didn’t feel sick, though.
Day 2 - getting burpy
I was awoken by an intense semi-refluxy burp. It felt like there was a little lump in my throat. I felt mostly normal for much of the day, except anytime I coughed, cleared my throat, laughed, spoke loudly, a little burp would come out. A couple times, they even came out when I sat down, like the couch burped me like a baby.
Dr. B. had said to start trying fizzy drinks on Day 2, so I had a couple of club sodas. I didn’t manage anything more substantial than the little burps that had been coming out for a day and a half. And I couldn’t control them — they just bubbled out when I was trying to talk.
Later in the day, I noticed I’d lost precise control of my voice. I couldn’t control the volume as easily, and my voice wavered like I was crying. It wasn’t very significant, but it was noticeable.
Day 3 - asthma, losing my voice
I woke up and noticed that, depending on the position of my neck, the lump in my throat can be annoying or not noticeable at all.
When I took a shower, I felt my throat close up a little, like a mild asthma attack. I tried talking and realized it was difficult. I got out of the shower and took two puffs of my inhaler. For the next hour or so, it got worse, and I struggled to talk above a whisper or to breathe normally. I felt the air come in slowly when I inhaled, like my throat was halfway closed. It took a massive amount of effort to speak at a normal volume. Otherwise, my voice sounded like I was whispering through sobs. I stayed calm, relaxed, and after about 90 minutes it passed. But from then on, my voice would periodically become very weak, making it difficult to speak above a whisper. Later on, I realized that I could speak more clearly if I tilted my head all the way back and completely relaxed my neck. I think it might have something to do with how much tension there is in the muscles near my throat.
Later in the day, I had a few more bubbly drinks and noticed I could squeeze out some small burps, almost on command, by turning my head side to side. This was a big thrill!
Day 4 - harnessing the burps
I got pretty good at releasing burps by twisting my neck side to side. At first, they snuck out of my throat, but later, I could take more control by pushing them out with my abdomen.
The slow swallow was pretty significant by this point. It’s not really alarming, as long as I have a glass of water handy when I eat.
I continued to periodically lose my voice. I can feel my throat get tired while I’m talking, and my voice starts to waver. It takes a ton of effort to keep talking, and it sounds like I’m crying.
Day 5 - reentering society
My neck was a little sore from twisting it around so much. I might have been too enthusiastic about burping. I tried to gently coax out some burps without too much twisting, and it’s tough. By the end of the day, I managed one small “right down the middle” burp. I’ll keep working on it.
It was my first day back at work after taking a couple days off bookending the long weekend. I tried having a regular conversation with a coworker and quickly lost my voice. It’ll definitely be an issue, but hopefully it only lasts a couple of weeks.
All in all, I’m psyched to be burping and had a positive experience getting the procedure done. I’ve been drinking way more fizzy drinks than usual, and I’m not bloated at all — and that’s with only a few days of burp-training. Hopefully it sticks!

Hello everyone! I hope this post doesn't ends up being too long, but here it goes...so, I live in a third world country (México) and despite I am considered to be privileged here and I got the chance to access private health care all my life, it's been YEARS since i've been fighting for a diagnosis, not bc I actually want to be sick but bc I need validation, just that. I know that's very common with chronic illnesses but in Mexico they have absolute no clue of many diseases. I was a healthy kid but something doesn't fits so well, my mom said I used to have headaches in kindergarden and I remember having to leave "piñatas" (piñatas is like a kids bday party) bc of it, I had MRI's being done at an early age, at some point I was constantly refusing to have breakfast bc I was never hungry, I remember not feeling so well in the morning, kind of like morning sickness, but at that time I didn't knew how to verbally express the feeling, I have a vivid memory of one time the principal of my school recluted me because my mom told her that I always came to classes with an empty stomach. I also remember being really nauseos for weird things, it was mostly like high sensitivity, I wasn't a picky eater, it was just that lots of things made me nausseous, they gave me the ick, basically. But apart from that I rarely got sick, I was "normal" it wasn't until my pre-teen years came that I frequently sport injured myself, it happened again and again and again, and I went several times thorught the rehab process, I knew that was uncommon bc I was making pretty much the same level of effort and activity than my ballet/gymnastics classmates. I have a type A personality, overachiever, people pleaser, had strict parents, anyway, the point is that I lived in a high stress state since a young age. Long story short, eventually I got diagnosed with fibro out of diagnosis of exclussion, this happened at the age of 18, but this two last years, I've been dealing with long covid (that's another story) but I've been thinking I might have something else, but I don't know. And before you say it, I am very educated and I know about ME/CFS, post viral illness, all that kinds of stuff. The only proper diagnosis I've gotten is "dysautonomia" which I think I might had it for a long time, it was just veeeery mild, like, I used to get dizzy everytime I stood up as a teen. My current symptoms are: fatigue, pem, horrible nausea everytime I try to eat or drink and sometimes I vomit, loss of appetite and thirst, tachycardia, desrealization, feeling of being poisoned/drunk/slow, head pressure, neck stiffness, sinus congestion kind of pain, dysregulation of circadiam rythm, mild brain fog, frequent bruises, chest pain, ocassional morning body stifness, episodes of joint pain, eye pain. Honestly I've been suspecting CCI due to Ehler Danhlos Syndrome causing all kinds of symptoms that mimic or are CFS, but I do not discard I might have post viral fatigue or even just CFS. It's just that those several injuries I had as a teen and adult caught my attention a lot, they seem to point to some type of connective disorder. And actually I have an structural problem with my jaw, I have a proganat mandible clase II, but aesthetically never showed so the never detected it, and my parentes denied to pay for the surgery for years, seven dentists told me I needed it, now I don't work bc of my condition and can't pay for it. Anyway, I ALWAYS have that weird neck stifness no matter how hard I try to relax, and it's not just stress, I think a lot of my problems might be bc of an structural neck/jaw issue but I'm not sure. I don't now where the fuck to go anymore, I've been pushing throught for too long, and did everything the doctors told me, like psyquiatric help, CBT theraphy, yoga, I was like a fucking health freak and very active person how tf they assume I enjoy to stay in my home all day. I can't travel to America or Europe to get this kind of appointments with neurosurgeouns and it drives me nuts bc I have a high intuition that my problem has a solution or at least improvement. Also no more money for it, already spended like 17'000 USD on this, I just live throught the day like surviving, I'm not venting but, I wish I could have more guidance on this conditions, and I can't even show doctors here information bc they don't understand english to a 100% and make fun of me bc apparently I feel like Dr. House. I'm so done with their mediocrity, what should I do? Pleaseeeee any suggestions an opinions are highly appreciated

Please help me. It has been a year since my abdominal symptoms began, and it is ruining my life.
About a year ago, my abdomen suddenly started hurting intensely. The symptoms included diarrhea 6-7 times a day, cramps, and pale, light-colored stool. I underwent a colonoscopy and had stool tests done. Additionally, the gluten sensitivity test was negative, and although the IgG food intolerance test showed a few values, eliminating those foods made no difference. The histamine intolerance test was positive, but a low-histamine diet did not help. The lactose intolerance test was negative, and the food allergy test was negative too. Bile acid malabsorption medication did not help.
The result of the colonoscopy is as follows:
"Colon biopsy: 1 sample of 3x2 mm and 2 samples of 2x2 mm tissue.
The biopsy tissue sample, consisting of multiple fragments obtained from 35 cm above the anus, shows the mucosal layer of the colon. The epithelium is uniformly free of dysplasia. In the lamina propria, there is focal oedematous loosening and pronounced congestion elsewhere, along with mild fibrotic widening. The lymphoplasmacytic infiltration forms aggregates in several foci. There are no signs of acute inflammation, cryptitis, crypt abscess, or specific inflammation in the sample. No malignancy is identified. The tissue pattern is consistent with chronic colitis, with no inflammatory activity present in the sample.
Histological findings do not confirm inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).
No further action required."
It is also worth mentioning that before the abdominal symptoms started, I had extremely severe migraines with brutal dizziness for six months. Although it probably has nothing to do with it, at least the migraines have stopped. However, due to my abdominal symptoms, I cannot live properly anymore. I am afraid to leave the house because I fear I won't reach a toilet in time. I don't know what else to try. Please help me.

Please help me. It has been a year since my abdominal symptoms began, and it is ruining my life.
About a year ago, my abdomen suddenly started hurting intensely. The symptoms included diarrhea 6-7 times a day, cramps, and pale, light-colored stool. I underwent a colonoscopy and had stool tests done. Additionally, the gluten sensitivity test was negative, and although the IgG food intolerance test showed a few values, eliminating those foods made no difference. The histamine intolerance test was positive, but a low-histamine diet did not help. The lactose intolerance test was negative, and the food allergy test was negative too. Bile acid malabsorption medication did not help.
The result of the colonoscopy is as follows:
"Colon biopsy: 1 sample of 3x2 mm and 2 samples of 2x2 mm tissue.
The biopsy tissue sample, consisting of multiple fragments obtained from 35 cm above the anus, shows the mucosal layer of the colon. The epithelium is uniformly free of dysplasia. In the lamina propria, there is focal oedematous loosening and pronounced congestion elsewhere, along with mild fibrotic widening. The lymphoplasmacytic infiltration forms aggregates in several foci. There are no signs of acute inflammation, cryptitis, crypt abscess, or specific inflammation in the sample. No malignancy is identified. The tissue pattern is consistent with chronic colitis, with no inflammatory activity present in the sample.
Histological findings do not confirm inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).
No further action required."
It is also worth mentioning that before the abdominal symptoms started, I had extremely severe migraines with brutal dizziness for six months. Although it probably has nothing to do with it, at least the migraines have stopped. However, due to my abdominal symptoms, I cannot live properly anymore. I am afraid to leave the house because I fear I won't reach a toilet in time. I don't know what else to try. Please help me.

35/F, overweight with chronic cough for nearly 4 months
It'll be a few days (or ever) before my doc gets back to me so I thought I might ask here.
Sputum Culture came back: 2+ White Blood Cells
1+ Red blood cells
2+ Epithelial cells
3+ Mixed oropharyngeal flora
In the last 4 monthd I've been to the ER 3X, clinic doctors 4-5x, been on prednisone 3x, amoxicillin 3x, have tried advair, flovent, and Symbicort. I found the steroid inhalers either dont help or make it worse.
I take ventoline 4-6x a day, take otc cold medication 4-6x/day for the cough suppressant. Chest xrays 2x (both clear). They also tried pantoprazole 40mg
I sleep mostly upright on the couch and will have coughing fits. They are dry in the morning and will often result in dry heaves/vomiting - later in the day it comes productive. My muscles ache from these coughing fits, I have a hoarse voice/strained voice + laryngospasm which scares me because it makes it hard to inhale again. I've developed stress incontinence and usually have to wear a heavy pad or incontinence underwear. Most coughing fits I feel dizzy/light headed and get black spots in my eyes. Any form of exertion usually results in a coughing fit (walking at a mild brisk pace, stairs, walking the dog, carrying things…even moving my neck in different positions, burping/hiccuping can trigger a coughing fit)
Bloodwork was most normal except:
D-dimer 0.93 mg/L DDU
CRP 31.7 mg/L
Last Tuesday I was sent to another town for an emergency CT scan because of my d-dimer results but after 13 pokes (5 nurses, vein finder + ultrasound) they couldn't get an iv line in for the contrast dye and gave up so it wasn't done. A VQ scan was recommended instead and I was told to wait to talk to my primary. I saw a different clinic doctor last Thursday who ordered a CT from a different town. They are going to try and place the iv at the hospital locally first before I drive 2 hours.
Needless to say I'm very frustrated and tired :(. I just want to know what's going on. Any suggestions are definitely helpful, thank you in advance!

It'll be a few days (or ever) before my doc gets back to me so I thought I might ask here.
35/F with chronic cough for nearly 4 months now. Sputum Culture came back: 2+ White Blood Cells
1+ Red blood cells
2+ Epithelial cells
3+ Mixed oropharyngeal flora
In the last 4 monthd I've been to the ER 3X, clinic doctors 4-5x, been on prednisone 3x, amoxicillin 3x, have tried advair, flovent, and Symbicort. I found the steroid inhalers either dont help or make it worse.
I take ventoline 4-6x a day, take otc cold medication 4-6x/day for the cough suppressant. Chest xrays 2x (both clear). They also tried pantoprazole 40mg
I sleep mostly upright on the couch and will have coughing fits. They are dry in the morning and will often result in dry heaves/vomiting - later in the day it comes productive. My muscles ache from these coughing fits, I have a hoarse voice/strained voice + laryngospasm which scares me because it makes it hard to inhale again. I've developed stress incontinence and usually have to wear a heavy pad or incontinence underwear. Most coughing fits I feel dizzy/light headed and get black spots in my eyes. Any form of exertion usually results in a coughing fit (walking at a mild brisk pace, stairs, walking the dog, carrying things…even moving my neck in different positions, burping/hiccuping can trigger a coughing fit)
Bloodwork was most normal except:
D-dimer 0.93 mg/L DDU
CRP 31.7 mg/L
Last Tuesday I was sent to another town for an emergency CT scan because of my d-dimer results but after 13 pokes (5 nurses, vein finder + ultrasound) they couldn't get an iv line in for the contrast dye and gave up so it wasn't done. A VQ scan was recommended instead and I was told to wait to talk to my primary. I saw a different clinic doctor last Thursday who ordered a CT from a different town. They are going to try and place the iv at the hospital locally first before I drive 2 hours.
Needless to say I'm very frustrated and tired :(. I just want to know what's going on. Any suggestions are definitely helpful, thank you in advance!

Hey y’all.
I’m a 29 y.o. female, 190 lbs, 5’6”, vape-only nicotine addict, who only takes adderall and uses an albuterol inhaler, with a previous dx of ehlers danlos syndrome, dysautonomia, and mitral + tricuspid regurgitation. The valve issues were found in 2016. Cardiologist at the time thought it wasn’t worth it to even tell me- I only found out when I read the echo report two years ago when organizing medical records.
I was just on the amtrack for a total of 48 hours- 24 each way- with 5 days inbetween.
Since I got home, I noticed my ankles had swollen twice their size. Additionally, the cough I had (from a cold) a few weeks ago has lingered but changed… now it’s like a hacking, wet cough, where I keep having to clear my throat. It’s like my lungs are wet.
I’ve also developed the sensation of being choked- like something is wrapped around my neck- and intermittent chest pain. It gets really bad, then less terrible, then it’ll get bad again. Never goes away fully.
The main concerning problem is that every time I change positions vertically, I get extremely light headed, tunnel vision, weakness, and I either almost fall down or I do… I’m used to some degree of orthostatic intolerance but my god. Literally going from sitting on the couch to standing is making me pass out. It’s like this awful flushing sensation coupled with a white out.
Also, the palpitations… it’s like getting the wind kicked out of me, and I deeply cough til it goes away. They’re a chronic issue but I haven’t had them in a while and certainly not this consistently.
I’m too out of breath to sing as long as I usually can. Which isn’t good, I’m a working vocalist.
I got compression socks that have lowered the swelling in my legs. I’ve been staying hydrated as well.
I was tested for POTS and was diagnosed with dysautonomia and neurocardiogenic syncope. But not true POTS?
Still, this cough isn’t like any other cough my partner has heard me cough before. He’s urging me to see a cardiologist.
My question is- should I go to urgent care, or just wait til a cardiologist can see me? My body has never felt this way before and I’m honestly scared.

Hello,
Going to preface this by saying I've never dealt with anxiety in the past. I have dealt with immense stress, worry, and sadness, but all in moderation and a healthy, justifiable amount. I have never had a concerning amount of anxiety.
Roughly two weeks ago, I started experiencing intense bouts of nausea, dizziness, loss of balance, lightheadedness, and shortness of breath. Along with these, every now and then I would experience what I think is anxiety (I haven't known the feeling so I could be mislableing it). It felt like a sinking feeling in my chest/stomach as if something terrible had happened or is happening, a general discomfort in my own skin, and a negative perspective on every thought I have. I got medically checked out and they ruled out quite a few things with a chest x-ray and bloodwork, like various lung issues, anemia, concussions, ear infections, etc. They said my throat could be congested as there seems to be some excess mucus there. Doctors said to take it easy, take anti-allergy medication, and go back if symptoms persist. These intense symptoms lasted for roughly 6-7 days and reduced to slightly milder levels for all of them. Due to upcoming 3 month travel, I could not return to the doctor in time.
During my travel, I experienced fewer symptoms except for the "anxiety", which massively heightened. I would have a very uncomfortable, morbid feeling, a tightness in my chest, and a consistent shortness in breath, or "air hunger". Now it might be important to note that I dealt with air hunger for about 2.5-3 years of my life but in the last year but it stopped and had completely gone away. Though, that air hunger was never associated with this current feeling of "anxiety". My family and I got an asthma diagnosis but it came back negative (i.e. I did not have asthma and my lungs work great). I was regardless given an inhaler and it never worked. We assumed it was some kind of allergy and moved on. I also did have (and still very much have) excessive burping. I considered the possibility of acid reflux or GERD but it doesn't fit the profile of my symptoms well.
In the last couple of days, I have been getting noticeably less sleep, due to jet lag and work. I adjusted this and immediately felt a little bit better but then the exact same symptoms came back later. Sometimes the anxiety would be bad and other times there'd be no anxiety but intense dizziness like the room was spinning. I am currently getting good sleep and the symptoms persist.
I do not have any vitamin deficiencies, lack of hydration or nutrition, or prior issues that could have feasibly caused it. I looked over every possible change in my lifestyle in the past month to see if anything could have caused it. I did hit my head somewhat hard and considered that it might be a mild concussion, but the symptoms have persisted too long for it to be that. 2 days prior to when my initial symptoms began developing, I had an HPV vaccine shot but they monitored me for 30 minutes to check for reactions and nothing was found. I haven't had any major fallout with friends, my significant other, or family. My performance at my place of work has been great. I don't necessarily exercise frequently but I walk or bike everywhere. I am in relatively good shape though a little skinny. I still eat very well though.
In fact, this period of my life (travel) is something I have been looking forward to for months. Every experience on paper has been great thus far, but I have a terrible looming sinking feeling in my heart or stomach, and the worst part is not knowing what is causing it. I think I almost had a panic attack the other day because I was washing my hair and saw a normal amount of hair fall, but I have been self-conscious about balding for a long time. This has never caused me any anxiety, though; I just take better care of my hair and use good products. I've talked to friends about it, I've talked to my significant other about it, I've talked to colleagues, and though it can provide occasional relief, it just comes back.
After all of this, the only things I can really consider as causing this is 1) having gone into long distance with my partner of 4 months. We have been dating since January and roughly 1 week before initial symptoms, we went long-distance due to my travel. However, I have spent time away from them before and we are both well-adjusted people. We call frequently and there have been no issues in our relationship at all. 2) I am an occasional marijuana user (1-2 times a month) and 1-2ish days before my symptoms set in, I took a pretty crazy edible. Wasn't a bad experience but just intense. I hadn't had anxiety before as a recreational user but I have no clue if it's possible for it to cause whatever I'm feeling off just 1 edible.
I just don't feel like myself at all. I feel scared. I don't know what's causing this and the worst thought that comes across my mind is thinking that this won't go away. Therapy is not exactly an accessible option since I am traveling frequently. I would just like some input or direction on if this really is anxiety. Thanks

11:15am.
I was waiting for her to arrive. We started talking just a week ago on Bumble and yet managed to exchange only a few pleasantries throughout the week; I had already written off the conversation until late at night yesterday.
Yesterday, at 11:45pm.
I got an App notification from Bumble, "You have a new message." That's odd, I wasn't actively talking to anyone on the app. I thought maybe this was another one of those 'bugs' that would lure me to open the app and participate in this virtual roulette wheel of finding gratification through others. Swiping left on profiles I don't like, rejecting people and their life experiences because their interests don't align with mine. I felt like a dictator presiding in his court, sitting at a long mahogany table with a high chair at a trial against his rebel. The only difference is these are strangers on an app, and I get to decide whether they are a worthy mate. I don't understand myself fully yet.
I have the power to deem someone unworthy of me. "What's that on her nose?" "Her smile isn't genuine." "She has too many piercings for my liking." This is modern love, Megalomaniacs walking through a house of mirrors, laughing at each other's reflections.
Everyone is performing, Faking their intimacy. Trying to be a counterfeit of a fictional character that says the exact catchphrase repeatedly. A bio with a time stamp of when Jim kissed Pam in their bio followed by an "if you know, you know."
What if I don't? Is it that relevant to the collective consciousness? Napoleon waged war on the entire world at 35 and conquered it. Men that age today fight over vape flavors. Dating profiles with pictures of you at exotic vacation spots, "I found myself in Bali." Were you really lost? Or were you too busy performing? When was the last time you felt alive? Was it when you had that long island iced tea at the beach flaunting your expensive bikini that favorably accentuates your curves? Or was it when your high school crush liked that story you posted on Instagram? Remember? That photo of you at the beach which profiled your ravishing legs while they glistened in the Sun with the sea in the landscape? Was it the night your father died in the adjoining room while you were asleep? What were his last words? Surely not Bazinga. All this performing has turned us into gypsies, constantly arriving somewhere but with a feeling of withdrawal. Trying to fill the void by living life to the fullest but feeling emptier by the day. Ghosts are real; take a look inside.
I fired the app up, and it was not a trick. I indeed received a message. It was her. "Do you want to meet tomorrow?" The message read.
I was taken aback by the suddenness of this request but admired her initiative after a week of radio silence. The last message before that read, "Are you still around on this app?" This message usually was my eulogy for a dead person on these apps. A person dies many deaths in their lifetime.
I was not too keen on the idea, but I had to reply quickly; you can't express doubt on these apps as a man. I was always uncomfortable with a blank slate, meeting someone for the first time and starting over, the emphasis on trying to be genuine and yet impress; the barrier of spoken word communication is that I can never give the receiver a full context of what I'm thinking. A word I index from my vocabulary can mean a myriad of things based on the cognitive bias of the person on the other side of the table. Conversations have to be built upon many assumptions and are often shrouded in mystery. My biggest concern is whether I can help the other person understand. In that sense, can anything be the 100% objective truth? It's cutthroat competition out there; I don't know this person. Besides, it was a hectic week, and I would rather sleep in.
Typing.......
"Hey, I'm not sure. I really wanted to sleep in tomorrow. Work has been crazy."
I stared at the brightly lit-up screen due to the white canvas of the chat window. I closed my eyes as the weight of my message found itself hanging in between worlds. The white screen was temporarily stamped on my retinas. I exhaled very violently, and before I realized it.
Select all
Delete
"Tomorrow, 11:00am. CP?"
Ugh, why do I do this to myself? I wanted to have some alone time, and now I have to prepare myself with mock conversations by running multiple simulations of how a good first date is supposed to be. You want your chat to be free-flowing and yet ensure it doesn't run amok and deviate into subject matters that require heavy opinions where an argument is waiting to spur. You have to keep it light & breezy and yet not be boring. Brilliant people are often incorrectly labeled as boring. The problem with being a genius is you have to be consistently good at one particular thing, and that one thing may not appeal to the interests of everyone. I've been an introvert all my life and am good at observing people from a distance. I'd likely pick up on social cues very quickly, but the fact of the matter is I become hyper-aware in a mano y mano showdown.
Two ticks appeared next to my message, signaling that it had crossed the virtual barriers and reached her. My error is now irreversibly etched into digital libraries stored in encrypted logs echoing through the infinite space-time of large server rooms. An error that gets reciprocated through infinity becomes an assertion. An assertion strong enough to bring me here.
I usually go to sleep looking out the window and staring at the cars passing by. The light hum of the engines jostling against the wind, which simulates the sound of a breeze rustling through the leaves of a tree, is very comforting. Closest you'll feel to nature in this concrete jungle. I was not looking out the window. I looked at the ceiling, wondering what was in store for me the next day. The shadows of the cars now gliding on the ceiling walls of my bedroom, momentarily merging in light and disappearing in the dark. It looked like the ghost of perdition of my previous bad dates had come to mock me by dancing on my roof.
9:00 am.
I woke up early with a weird sensation under my body. Turns out I had slept on my arm. This is the closest I've been to sleeping with the feeling of someone else's touch.
I had to shave; look pretty. I was quickly running through the things I could say that would make a good first impression. I had already sprayed the shaving foam on the palm of my hand and started to rub it on my face. "Hey, nice to meet you." Too basic. "I've been expecting you." Too creepy. "Oh! How embarrassing, I was planning on wearing the same thing.", Too risky. "What's up?" Seriously? I should jump out my window into the oncoming traffic. It's a good idea, but I've already shaved half my beard. I wouldn't want the news to read, Man dies in a shaving accident. My school of thought distracted me, and I accidentally pierced my skin with the razor. Tiny crimson beads began to appear on my neck. I gathered them on my thumb, licked them off, and quickly finished the rest of my shaving.
I picked out my outfit, decided to be bold today, and sported my charcoal black jeans. I paired them with a lilac shirt that slightly clung to my body. It gave my torso and waist a good definition. I am not used to having sharp features. Still, two years into my fitness journey, I feel confident enough to wear smart clothes but not the kind of confidence where I can thump my chest and invite someone for a fight in a nightclub. Some might say I'm still a fat person trapped inside a moderately fit person's body or 'Transfit' for the lack of a better term.
I quickly slapped on some aftershave which immediately seeped into the open cuts and burnt through my skin. Put on a perfume that added a zesty depth to my presence. After popping a couple of breath mints, I was ready to march down to the Colosseum and fight for my love life.
10:58am.
I reached the rendezvous point, which was meant to be the place where we decided to dedicate 2 hours of our time to each other. I'm looking around the café. It is a busy afternoon. The café was pretty. She picked it, after all. The café had earthy-looking furniture, which complemented the muted color tones of the walls and the dim lighting. The whole aesthetic of this place was comforting. The café had large windows and was located on a narrow street, surrounded by small bungalows from end to end. Soft, natural light filtered through these large windows, casting a soft glow upon the carefully arranged furniture. The place was filled with the aroma of coffee beans and freshly baked delicacies.
11:15am
She walked through the door, emerging as a mere silhouette against the sunlight. The dimmed lighting in the café briefly lit up her jawline as she started looking for me. I immediately got up from my seat and waved like a little kid to tell her that I had secured a spot for us. As she noticed me, her furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips immediately beamed into a smile as she met my gaze, and this was the first time I set my gaze on her, she was wearing a summer dress and black boots, which really made her look adorable yet but there was a touch of elegance to the way she carried herself. With hurried steps, she rushed towards me. A tiny sling purse was hanging by her waist, oscillating back and forth as she approached. You could tell how apologetic she was about being late by the urgency in her steps. "I'm really sorry, I got stuck in traffic near Saket metro station" "Sun rises in the east, and there's congestion near Saket metro station! both are permanent truths." I mumbled.
"I'm sorry, what?" She said. And I proceeded to repeat my quirky comment slightly louder, to which she giggled uncomfortably, still feeling a bit of guilt about being late, I assumed. I quickly backed up my quirky opener with some conversation, "So..... What's up?" Oh my god, I really did end up saying What's up? While she was busy replying to my very creative and original inquiry, I was busy screaming internally,
"YOU MORON, YOU REALLY SAID, WHAT'S UP? AFTER ALL THAT PLANNING & PREPARATION, ALL YOU COULD COME UP WITH WAS, WHAT'S UP? YOU HAVE THE CONVERSATIONAL CAPACITY OF A FORK, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID"
"Should we order? I'm starving", I snapped back to reality with this request from my date. "Yes, certainly, I think you should take the Egg and Ham croissant and the Vietnamese Iced coffee. Given that you just walked in, and it's burning up outside." I said without a second thought. I looked up at her, and for the first time, I got to have a good look at her face. She had slightly big eyes with a dark hazel hue, which made her look extremely innocent. She had a dainty pointed nose that she had contoured with amazing craft, adding sweetness to her visage. Her lips were elegantly narrow, the pink lipstick she wore made her entire face look radiant, and the shade complemented her dress and dusky complexion. This was when I noticed a shiny stud just underneath her lower lip, it was a piercing, and it looked like an "ON/OFF" button you could press. After battling my intrusive thoughts for a moment, I caught myself staring at her lips for quite some time, but the piercing kept distracting me when I noticed her lips curve into a smile. "So you're already dominating me around, huh? You think I can't handle my own order" She had a mischievous glint in her eyes. " No! God no! I just wanted to save you the trouble since you were hungry. These are my favorite items on the menu". She chuckled and gave me a playful slap on my hand, "Relax, I was just pulling your leg. I'm actually impressed with your recommendation. I really wanted to have a croissant and an iced coffee."
"Great! So umm, why'd you get late?" I already regretted asking that question. I wasn't trying to interrogate her or anything. Her previous joke took me completely off guard, and I just went with the first thing that came to mind. "Oh, I usually like to sleep in late on Sundays. I was binge-watching K-dramas all night and forgot to set my alarm" She sounded assertive and not as apologetic as before. "Oh great, I've never watched K-dramas before. Can you recommend a show for a K-drama virgin?" I replied. "Hahaha, Yes! But are you sure you're ready for such a commitment?" There it was again, that mischievous look. "Mhm, We'll need a safe word." I said while leaning into the conversation. "That we will" She caressed her chin playfully and narrowed her eyes. "How about Shaadi?!" she exclaimed. Her suggestion made me laugh, "That doesn't sound like a safe word at all. It sounds like a warning!" "Exactly! It effectively solves the purpose", She raised her hand towards me for a high-five, which I immediately acknowledged. "Only in today's world can you make someone stop by threatening commitment" My comment widened her eyes, and her lower lip gently rolled out into an upside-down grin that hooded the stud under her lips, suggesting that she was impressed, "That was deep." She commented. I wanted to add a "That's what she said!" as a reply to her comment to follow up something profound with something funny, but I chose against it in that fleeting moment. I wanted to impress her by highlighting all my qualities. That would certainly give me her undivided attention. I felt like a child. We've learned from childhood that social interactions are like a game of chess. We watched our parents at Family gathering carefully crafting narratives teetering between the truth and exaggeration, waiting their turn to share another anecdote or achievement. When they ran out of their inventory, they would subliminally vie us against our cousins, Boasting about what feat their offspring pulled off this time and that well-intentioned smile from your parents to you, followed by a suggestive nudge of the elbow, sometimes with an underhanded question, "Did you hear that?" which meant go ahead, do something, say something quirky and get the attention of all the adults.
11:35am
Her phone started ringing. She once again started apologizing. "I'm sorry I have to take this!" The café was slightly busy now, so she had to walk outside to receive her call. I settled back in my seat, letting my guard down. I could be myself again for a brief moment till she came back. I looked around at the people sitting at the other tables. There was a person with a Macbook, with enormous headphones wrapped around his head. This embodiment of a modern-day productive and dynamic workforce in itself is a nod of approval of the café's identity. If you run a café and a person with a Macbook doesn't exist at your café at all times, I hate to break it to you, but you're not a café at all. An Eatery that also 'serves' coffee at best. To my left was a group of middle-aged women who were planning their next exotic trip. On the table behind me were students discussing which Foreign university they wanted to finish their masters from. I also wished last night that I'd rather be sleeping in. We were all unfamiliar with each other but with an ephemeral sense of bonding that they'd rather be arriving somewhere but here.
I noticed my date talking on the phone through the large windows of the café. She was darting back and forth and moving her hands a lot as if she was explaining something to her caller. I observed the people walking past her; the world around me seemed to move faster than I could perceive. The urgency in their movement suggested that everyone had somewhere to be, like charged particles constantly in motion, convinced that they belonged somewhere. My line of sight was cut off by a staff member wearing a green apron approaching me with a tray. It soon occurred to me that this was our order. She politely bowed and placed the glass of iced coffee on the table as it clinked against the wooden table. Next to it, she rested the dish with the croissant, It looked fresh off the oven, and its golden layers glistened in the coral lighting of the café. I couldn't resist the sight, so I immediately dug into the croissant.
I looked up with a mouthful of food, and there she was, my date, looking dismayed, standing with her hands on her hips, "You started without me?"
"I'm sorry, this just looked too good." I replied, giving her an innocent smile.
She giggled, placed her phone on the table, and took her seat. I noticed her phone was the same model and color as mine.
"Hey! I have the same phone". I quickly reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and raised it over the table to confirm the fact. She was still engrossed in the croissant. She looked up at me, brushing off the crumbs from the corner of her lips, and replied, "Yeah, so?" I shrugged, "Good choice, I guess?" She dropped her shoulders and laughed. Seeing her laugh made me feel really good.
"Why did you decide to ask me out all of a sudden?" I asked, still needing to understand the reason behind her unexpected behavior. My question seemed to snap her out of her food trance; she looked at me instantly and carefully tucked the hair covering her face away. "So I didn't want to end up talking for days on a stupid app, then spending all that time to finally meet someone and then realize that it's a waste of time, you know. I wanted to check the vibe right away."
"Well, that makes sense, So..."
She cut me off mid-sentence, " This Vietnamese coffee is so good, very close to what I had in Vietnam."
I immediately got drawn into what she was saying," You've been to Vietnam. I've been meaning to visit for a long time. How was it?"
Her lips left the straw with a soft parting. Her lipstick had tinted the brim of the straw into a rosy pink. She formed an 'O' made with her thumb and index finger while the rest curled inward to communicate it was nice. She swiftly placed the glass down to reply,
"It was fabulous. I exhausted all of my itinerary. The food was amazing, the sights were amazing, the people were amazing. I'd go again in an instant."
"Was that an invitation?" I inquired, mirroring her infectious charm.
"It depends" She shrugged and gave me that mischievous look of hers again.
All I could do was grin at her playful ambiguity.
"Do you travel a lot?" She asked me with genuine curiosity.
"I recently warmed up to the idea of Travelling, I haven't traveled a lot, but I'm starting to like it a bit more. I went to Qatar."
"Qatar? Lol, what's that?" She had a noticeable smirk.
"It's a country in the Middle East. They hosted the FIFA World Cup not too long ago. It was a childhood dre...."
She cut me off again, "I hate the Middle East."
"Well, okay, I went to watch the FIFA World Cup. It was a childhood dream for me to be able to witness it live". Her interruptions were starting to jar me a bit.
"Oh really, when was this?" She brushed her hair away, picked up her glass of coffee, and set her lips on the straw.
Her question really excited me, "It was quite recent, actually. Did you miss the news?"
"I did read something..."
Her words trailed off as I let my excitement get the better of me.
"I'm sure you heard about Messi winning the WorldCup. It was all plastered all over the news! It was incredible" I leaned in with excitement.
"Why would I know about Messi winning the Worldcup? He's not relevant to me." She met my excitement with a dismissive chill.
"Well, it was all over the news, so I assumed you'd know. Have you heard of Messi before?" I tried to keep my tone steady to curb the simmering tension.
"I have." She replied bluntly.
I waited to hear more, but her response kept hanging in the air.
"Okay, then, isn't it logical to assume..."
"Do you know about Jeremy Corbell?" She asked, her finger pointing at me. Her hand gestures started to feel intense.
"I haven't," I replied.
"Great, so I know something you don't." She prompted.
She folded her hands and leaned back on her chair briefly. Then she lunged forward and started glugging down on her drink.
There was an abrupt silence all of a sudden. I shifted in my seat as the weight of the silence made me restless. My date was busy taking hearty sips of her drink. For the first time in this entire interaction, I was able to notice the Jazz music playing in the café. The smooth notes of the piano and the trumpets infused themselves with the silence creating an eerie vibe.
I attempted to break it, "I was just pointing out that since you knew about Messi, then it might be a safe assumption that you'd also know that he won the World Cup. The same sources that informed you of his presence could have mentioned this milestone, perhaps?"
Her response was to continue sipping on her drink.
"Certain characters are so exceptional that they transcend past the domain they excel and become cultural icons - like Einstein, for instance, not only theorists & scientists know of him."
She finally kept her drink down and looked up at me, Her expression like stone, unmoved by my conscious efforts to steer this conversation away from the tension.
"I take offense in the fact that you think people should know what you know." Her words cut right through me.
I tried to douse the fire by clarifying, "I don't have any such reservations. I thought I made a rational assumption considering your familiarity with Messi."
She furrowed her eyebrows which really unsettled me, "You assumed that I should know something, and I'm not okay with these assumptions." Her voice almost verged on a yell.
Attempting to make sense of it all, I even started pacing through my words, "Isn't that how things work? We don't have a lot of information available at any given point of time; you have to make assumptions to be able to move forward, be it a decision or a conversation."
"What?" Her face had a look of incredulity with her narrowed eyes and tensed eyebrows.
I brought my fist down on the table with a nervous thud.
"Look, there were so many assumptions that we both made to be able to get here. I assumed that you knew where CP is. You assumed I knew the Café we were going to meet at? God, I assumed I'd be alive today. If I was worried that all of this would stop tomorrow, do you think I'd even show up? We all live in a realm of assumptions because we lack absolute knowledge. I know I'm going to die one day, but I'm choosing to assume it's not tomorrow."
I could see her face shifting through a multitude of emotions from confused to surprised and back to detached.
"You're not making any sense. You're just talking about general knowledge." She retorted.
Her comment really made me nervous, so I rushed to agree with her trying to wrap up the topic for good, "Exactly, so I assumed it was general knowledge, but you didn't know."
"You can't make sweeping assumptions about people; it's very reductive." She had a harsher tone towards me at this point.
Her tone really intimidated me, and I wanted to just speak my mind at this point, "I know we like to differentiate ourselves but...."
She interrupted me again by talking over me loudly, "There are better ways to get to know a person."
At this point, I really wished that stud under her lip was a button and I could press it to make her stop interrupting me like this.
"Hear me out, no matter how well defined your identity is...."
She charged me again, "You're so full of yourself."
Her sharp tone really got on my nerves. I still tried to explain what I wanted to say, so I proceeded anyways, "Can I Just....?"
"Can you stop interrupting me?" She yelled this time.
This was the last straw for me, and I lost my composure, "What? You've been interrupting me ever since we started talking. I just wanted to point out that we're pretty much the same people, man! You have the same phone as me. You're consuming the same coffee I am. I want to go to Vietnam. You want to go to Vietnam. We might be different at extremes, but the central tendency of our behavior is not. Why is making an assumption harmful? It can be a wrong one. I can always update it? "
I didn't realize how loud I was speaking till she poked her finger into her ear to suppress the sound of my voice.
This made me stop abruptly. The smooth piano notes filled up the ambiance of the café again; I noticed I had everyone's attention and settled back in my seat in defeat.
She saw my reaction, and there was a sense of calm on her face; for the first time since she came back, she looked less intimidating. She purposefully kept her voice low, now realizing that we had just created a scene, "There are better ways to get to know a person. It's like you're picking on my brain. Don't try to figure me out. All this nonsense about central tendencies and patterns, why are you psychoanalyzing me, you idiot? Ask me things, and I will tell you. This was supposed to be a date, not a fucking interrogation."
She made a lot of sense. The Café had now turned into an impromptu courtroom; Prosecution had successfully called out my social handicaps in a filled courtroom. The other patrons in the cafe were the Jury, and the Wise man with the Macbook was the Judge. In the case of the girl with an on/off button Vs the boy who can't make conversation, I pronounce the boy the odd one out.
She could've just got up and left right there, but she allowed me a chance to have a closing argument.
"I've only observed people from a distance and never tried to engage them, so I defaulted to that. I've been hiding in plain sight from the society where I can make minimal interaction that's enough to keep me in the spotlight, but most of my interactions are indirect. Thank you for pointing this out; perhaps we can start over?"
She smiled at me again, and oh, was that a welcome sight, "No, we can't." She got up from her seat, "But it was nice meeting you. Take care!" She wore her little sling purse on her shoulder, walked out the door, and soon merged into the current of people walking past the café.
6:00pm
I was home looking out of my window again. I had a steaming cup of chai cradled in my hands. I took a soft sip and stared down at the traffic below. The traffic flowed like a river, cars coming to a halt and then moving again, moving in synchronized harmony, adjusting, accommodating, and navigating at the same time. The pedestrians, each with their own purpose, walked briskly along the sidewalk. I was filled with a sense of calm as the reason behind the soothing effect of this sight became clear – it was the perpetual motion of people finding their way and eventually returning home. I recognized that I belonged in this window, my comfort zone, and my vantage point where I got to participate in society by observing.
I began to take another sip of my chai when the streets of Delhi were finally blessed with their first rains; as the streets were being showered, I realized that this downpour marked the first of many conversations for me participating in the society as well.