Love again quotes

Hi there,
Please brace yourself, this is going to be a long one and I'm going to try and be as objective and as eloquent as I possibly can. P.S I've never used Reddit before but have seen these type of content reshared on YouTube.
Alright. Let's go! So, my husband and I dated 8 years ago, and 2 years ago we decided to get married. For the story's sake, let's call him Dennis (31). Dennis was from a different country and we are the same race of people (different nationalities). He is the love of my life, I love him dearly - he is everything little me dreamed out, he's... im tearing up just thinking about how much I love him, there are no words to describe.
Now, Dennis parents rarely visited when we were dating, most of the getting to know my in-laws/introduction to the fam happened online and I don't know why I didn't see the things clearer (probably jacked up on love) that I brushed things off.
I made it clear, from our third date to Dennis that I don't want kids, never wanted them and its not something I'm going to change my mind on. I wanted him to know this from the get-go so we don't hit roadblocks and him trying to persuade me... yada yada yada. He eventually told me that the more thoughts he "thunked" on this subject, the more it made sense to not have kids and so, great! We started dating and the rest was history.
Now, about 6 years in, I went on a vacation with his family cause' well, I wanted to know them better and on Christmas Day, Dennis's father, we'll call him Tom (Ancient), sat me down in front of his 2 brothers and wife and told me how disappointment he was in me that I was not going to have kids. He then followed it up with and I'm quoting "A woman's duty is to have kids...." I blocked the rest out because I was TRAUMATIZED by these words. His family also weren't vaccinated (anti-vax) and everyone ended up getting Covid. I have Asthma (like rushed into the ICU twice and put on a ventilator bad) and though Dennis and I were vaccinated, the others weren't.
This trip ended up being one of the major hurdles both Dennis and I had to navigate through because he did not say anything, he didn't stand up for me, he basically didn't do anything. Though, he told me to not let he's father's words affect me cause who cares what he thinks and that at the end of the day it was our lives, he said and I quote "It's word fodder, tune it out" but I couldn't let it go and my view was that I was not close enough to his dad for him to be talking to me about my reproductive organs/purpose. We took a mini break but got back together with Dennis agreeing to be more aware and present when he's father pulls another one of this episodes.
Fast forward to current day - my younger sister and Dennis younger brother got together during our wedding (A whole nuanced convo for another day) and I was pissed because we were really going through a tough time financially and this mini wedding was supposed to be something nice for the both of us. My in-laws attended the wedding and added so many decorations on top of the ones Dennis and I had, my MIL put fairy lights on the tables and they had 2 huge flags of the country Dennis was from and we didn't see any of this because we were getting ready. Even during the ceremony when it was time for one of my cousin to give her speech, they hijacked the whole thing by doing some ceremony of their own. I decided to let it go because... well, Dennis and I were both so fucking tired. My wedding day was the saddest day of my life. When I look back, I cannot recall a single happy memory - I know they are there but I just... I can't look past what they did, ya know?
Anyway, 2 days after the wedding, my in laws threw a dinner for Dennis and I, we attended and Tom starts expressing his grievances as to his experience at our wedding and starts telling me that I need to start distancing myself from my family because I have now become a part of theirs - I told him no, although I am a part of his family, I will NEVER ever stop being involved in mine (I'm the oldest sister). He then proceeded to call me "damaged" because I was raised in a broken family because my parents are separated. Dennis stepped in and he quickly got shut down with Tom yelling verbal abuse at him. By then, even I knew it was time to shut our pie holes and live to fight another day.
Fast forward to present day, we have both moved to a different country and are thriving. We've never been more financially stable (I got my dream job...pinch me!), we go on coffee dates, life is good except... except for when Tom comes over to stay. He comes over twice a month and is constantly talking about masculinity and femininity and how we ought to implement it in our lives. One time, Dennis tried to stop him and Tom almost got physically abusive so I decided that instead of hiding behind my husband, I shall speak and let him know exactly what I was thinking. The next time he came over, he started talking about the same thing, imagine someone regurgitating podcast bro word vomit over and over again on an endless echo chamber? Yeah - the same talking points! So i told him that he is free to implement whatever he wants in his household but in ours, we do things differently. Tom asked me to explain and I did and he called Dennis a "simp". Dennis was not in the vicinity of the conversation at the time.
Oh yeah, one time when he came to visit, I went to the gym and I was on the treadmill doing 12-3-30 and fighting for my life when Tom decided to jump on the back of the treadmill to startle me. I had my fist rounded to punch him but stopped when I realized who it was. Slight detour, could someone explain to me what thought process goes through one's brain before deciding to jump someone?
Jokes aside, the last weekend, my sister called Dennis to mediate a fight she'd been having with my Brother-in-law. I didn't want to be a part of it but eavesdropped anyway - their fight was about my brother-in-law not feeling like he's doing feminine work when he cleans the house etc and he blamed my sister for being career driven, he said it was too masculine. Dennis in his infinite patience was trying to mediate the dumpsterfire (god bless him) but it all come to a close when brother-in law told my sister "no man is ever going to love you if you're this masculine". She immediately hung up (so proud!)
Now, she wants to break up with him but he refuses to answer her call.
Fast forward to the present day, Tom constantly shares videos to the family whatsapp group about men silencing women and how feminism is bad, blah, blah, blah... and how birth rates are falling. It's a constant thing. I've. muted and archived the family group (You gotta love technology).
Tom has also recently wrote a book on the importance of being a dad and the role a man should play within the family dynamic. It's horrendous! I read the draft and it was like watching a dead animal being plowed through miles and miles of tar. I'm not just talking about his ideologies, I'm talking about his writing style. It sounded very similar to my diary entries when I was 9 (I might come off as a little standoff-ish but I assure you, I am of quite intelligent).
Between being called "damaged", my wedding day, verbal abuse inflicted on my sister and being jumped on the treadmill (Look at that, I too do have infinite patience) I decided it was time to instead of putting band-aids on a burning fire to find a permanent solution to end this once and for all. I told Dennis that he is free to fly back to visit his parents whenever he wants to and on special occasions but I don't think I can at least for now. I told him about how I don't feel safe around Tom and his brothers and their ideologies and i implored him to understand, he gave me a huge hug and said he does and he will never force me to spend our hard earned savings and time and energy on something I don't want (What a catch!). I can't help but feel guilty because well, Dennis grew up around his family and though he spent more time in my country surrounded by my family, his family is still his. Will this create a rift in our marriage? Is this how resentment starts? I want nothing more than to see my husband laugh his heart out, and experience life for all the wonderful things it is. I have to know if he's not going to be thinking of his family and how he misses them and wants to be with them, etc. So, reddit, AITA?
For some more context, I grew up in a fairly progressive neighborhood and hosuehold. Ngl, I grew up extremely privileged and my dad often sent us to summer camps through the British Council to expand our worldview. At home, we often engaged in fierce debates around religion, worldview, politics and drugs. Hint, my dad is actually a fan of legalizing it. :) My parents eventually separated as most of ours do but I don't think we are "damaged" because of it. <3
There, I hope there is enough context.

Hello, and assalaamu alaikum all,
I am Damon Stengel. I am posting my story because it will have a significant impact and it will help many who are doubting or hidden ex-Ahmadis among both born and convert Ahmadis.
I am a former convert to Ahmadiyya and I was very passionate in Tabligh. I want to share with you all my story.
I was once a very fanatical and fundamentalist Ahmadi. I would call ex and doubting Ahmadis cowards and munafiqs for speaking out against Jammat. All that changed with the past years. This is the story of my secret ex-conversion. This is the story of how I reclaimed my true self once more:
After I joined the Jammat in my late teens, I was excited. I felt I finally found the truth I've been searching for all my life. I was getting, what I thought were frequent true dreams. I frequently read books so I can debate and refute opponents.
Gradually, and growing older, I slowly ran into a problem: There were some references that seemed to go against Mirza Sahib and it was causing me to doubt. I convinced myself that I can find answers for these allegations because it is true, some objections to Jammat are complete lies (not realizing at the time not all are lies).
I increased my reading of literature, but some of the doctrines of Jammat seemed to conflict with the doctrines of traditional Islam like the seal of Prophethood. Reading Aik Ghalati Ka Azala seemed to clear up my confusion but it began to turn into cognitive dissonance.
I nearly left Jammat in 2019 because I began to embrace my more skeptical side again, but it took a phone call by my mentor to stay with the simple words: "Did Huzoor ever lie once?"
with no Nida audio at the time, I had to say "No.", And then, I had a revival of blind faith, diving deeply into religious fundamentalism of the Ahmadi kind. I was ready to by way of Majazi (pun intended) to throw hands with anyone that spoke out against Jammat or those who are hidden ex Ahmadis. I fed lies to myself that I did find the truth, it was just me hanging out in the company of skeptics so I chose to hang out with fundies on Twitter.
Because I felt this was the truth. These was the lies I constantly told myself. I told myself I am the Prodigal Ahmadi convert and man, did I take Tabligh to the extreme just like Razi does. I can definitely see why some of you may have thought I was a Jammat plant sent after ex Ahmadis
I remember I made a really long article years ago saying converts already explored the world and therefore they're better than ex Ahmadis because they went into the world whereas converts were already in the world, but found the "truth".
How wrong I was! Because as I grew in more knowledge of Ahmadi literature, I also began reading a lot of secular and non-Ahmadi Islamic literature as well.
I consistently found the stuff I've read to not match up with the teachings of Jammat or that there were so many contradictions, I couldn't answer allegations. Part of it was because I didn't know Urdu, and my Arabic was sloppy.
So I began gradually learning Urdu and improving my Arabic. After becoming married, my Urdu improved a lot. a family member from my in laws gave me a hand in pronunciation of Urdu letters and words. I would say Ghora (horse) was the most difficult but I can just barely do it slightly better than a born Ahmadi raised here in American. I picked up on basic Urdu really quick. So it helped me with reading some literature.
I improved my Arabic as well. That's when I realized Jammat was purposely mistranslating some passages such as Haqiqatul Wahi on Majazi prophethood.
Once I asked Razi why we don't have a good translation on a Quranic verse and the Arabic says differently, and he indirectly called me arrogant and accused me of knowing Arabic better than Huzoor so I chose to keep quiet. I started questioning again later
When a Bhai came out to me as an ex Ahmadi, I ran to Razi. Razi told me to cut him off and I did. I continued in my religious fundamentalist phase and then I cut out all the ex Ahmadis in obedience to Jammat saying to not hang out with them.
And I would delete my social media and then come back with new account and make articles refuting allegations. Yet, deep down, that cognitive dissonance I mentioned earlier continued to increase. I studied logic and fallacies to try to help myself, and i slowly realized Ahmadi arguments are ridiculous and Razi is very manipulative in his Tabligh.
Then, Mohammad Abr Razack showed me a different side to Muslim Dawah and he seemed like a very decent man, even if I may not have agreed with him on everything. same with talking with Sohail Ahmed, Reason On Faith, his mannerisms definitely resembled that of an Ahmadi Muslim, socially.
I continue and continued. The homeopathy and other social media controversies rocked my faith as Kashif Bhai can attest. whenever Kashif Bhai would confront me on these things, I would avoid.
when I first started seeing Kashif Bhais posts on homeopathy, I chose to ignore it. but then I saw the backlash of the fundamentalist Ahmadis. I tried to reason with one in that they shouldn't be harsh with Kashif Bhai but I got rebuffed and accused of being a coward and so I chose to retreat and not participate.
wasn't really until a year later, I somewhat got a bit more vocal about my fundamentalism on homeopathy but even then I wasn't directly confrontational. only that me and Kashif Bhai butted heads a lot in DMs, and that's when he told me some stories of his treatment by some figures in Jammat. I chose to ignore at the time.
still, I got married and I had my kid. After another bout on social media, I took a year long break.
I left to focus on family but also because my identity crisis was at an all time high, and my own behaviors were causing problems in my marriage. There was also a point i thought of suicide because I had two conflicting realities and identities (Ahmadi-fused me vs. the real me) in my head. I eventually started seeing a therapist for unaddressed childhood trauma and that changed everything about my perspective on life. I learned new techniques to manage emotions and my relationships.
I returned to social media with newfound empathy for others and I intended to be the perfect Ahmadi. That's when I approached a couple ex Ahmadi brothers I used to talk to before they left and patched things up. I even patched things with Bashir Shah (even if I still don't always agree with his approach).
Little did I know, it would be the end of me being Ahmadi.
When I saw Craig Considine's post about pro Palestinian protesters and accusing them of BS rhetoric, I got mad and so did a buddy of mine from Texas. He published a blog against Craig and I posted it to social media. That's how Craig was able to get a hold of it.
He disassociated himself from Ahmadis and many tried to reason with him and others called him out. I fought with a buddy of mine who kept blindly defending Craig because "Huzoor loves him" (that Muslun guy I had an exchange with today lmao; i called him Batalvi Sahib haha for his religious fanaticism).
Slowly, I realized Huzoor may be misguided.
I spoke with my old ex Ahmadi friend more and more and I spoke with his cousin as well. Both of them I looked up to as role models in my early years of Ahmadiyyat (and I still see them as such) and was sad to hear both of them leaving but with my newfound empathy of seeing good in others from therapy, I knew they both are still great people.
What made me disown Qadiani Khilafat was after reading the Shahatul-Quran or testimony of the holy Quran by Mirza Ghulam Ahmad. It presented a very different picture of Khilafat and he said it's eternal and will last until the day of Judgement. That contradicts Jammat doctrine of him declaring prophethood in 1901 and then , contradicts the supposed doctrine from the Wassiyat that Khilafat will be established after his demise.
I told my friend about it and he told me to look at the Lahori versions of Correction of an error and the will. I saw for myself the numerous references where Mirza sahib did not claim prophethood but only by way of metaphor. He was a saint claimant. Nothing more and that it was Khalifatul Masih II that invented the doctrine that his father was a prophet
I began questioning why we say "alayhi salaam" after the title of promised Messiah, as if he's on the same rank as previous prophets before Rasulullah (saw).
Knowing this as well as previous controversies regarding the 200 million Ahmadis thing in 2001, and then reading the Khilafah nabuwwah minhaj Hadith in depth (which Qadianis use to promote their propaganda), I knew their Khilafat was false.
Then, I finally had the courage to look up the transcript of Masroor's call with Nida Sahiba and I was disgusted. I've read the entire script of that call. Having studied psychology and psychiatry on and off for years, I remember there was a part of the transcript I've read in both English and Urdu where Huzoor told his niece that she should've screamed when one of the people she was accusing raped her.
She thoroughly debunked Huzoor and said that therapists say that everyone has a different trauma response and her trauma response was freezing. Which is true because adrenaline is our evolutionary survival instinct. It is either fight or flight. Many rape victims freeze for safety reasons lest they escalate the situation further. I felt that was very ignorant of Huzoor to say those messed up things to her, and I was happy I disowned the Caliphate because so many convert brothers went up to me to ask about it for years, and I gave unsatisfactory answers or made up excuses. Now I know the truth.
let me make it clear: Some have countered that Nida couldn't prove her case to the courts. however, I would refer them to articles that say we need to change the way courts view rape victims: https://www.uml.edu/news/stories/2019/sexual_assault_research.aspx
"Morabito says more resources, public education and policies that encourage prosecutors to bring cases to trial are needed, although it may take time to change public opinion.
“Maybe if more of these cases were tried, we’d break down those myths and see more of what sexual assault cases really involve,” she says."
anyways,
I continued to believe in Mirza sahib but held the Lahori position, but I began to question his claim itself. I read about the fabrication of Daru-Qutni and I realized it's actually technically a dishonor to orthodox Islam to quote a fabrication that disrespects the scholars who proved fake Hadiths are not to be used.
my two ex Ahmadi friends continued to share with me their skepticisms in order to show me the falsehood of Mirza sahib. When one of them showed me proof that the red drops revelation happened in a bathroom, I without question, disowned Mirza sahib as well.
I felt relief. As if a heavy weight and burden was lifted off my shoulders after nearly 10 years. The whole reason I was Ahmadi for so long was due to my ego. I didn't want to admit I was duped. I didn't want to admit I converted out of youthful naivety.
when I first started meeting with the Ahmadis, my gut instinct when I originally hung out with the Ahmadis was to read all of Mirza Sahib's literature and then make a decision, but a Murabbi told me if I keep waiting, I'll go to hell. So I made the decision in haste and did bait. Never did I admit this in any of my stories
I've always had a skeptical side of me and I embrace it fully now. this is why my conversion to non-denominational Islam isn't really complete either because I have no intentions in trading one religious dogma for another. I have chosen to embrace my old agnostic atheism once more.
actually, these views of mine were always such for years. unconsciously, I was always an agnostic, but I just chose to not consciously acknowledge it. yet, I'm free at last, my story is very similar to many other ex Ahmadis and doubting/questioning Ahmadis in here.
I'm gonna tell you guys straight up, my soul left jammat a long time ago. I only just admitted it to myself a few weeks ago, and I embraced the true me.
I realized in a sense (even though it was my own choice and free will out of a false passion) that Jammat indirectly used me for their propaganda. I wanted to imitate Razi and be in the same league as him, and damn straight, I sure am in the same league as them from both the perspectives of Ahmadis and those who disagree with them.
Many ex and more open-minded Ahmadis (such as Kashif Bhai) called (indirectly) me ignorant of the facts, naive, head-in-sand, and a product of religious indoctrination. I realized how right they are. I fell for the same cult vibe just as the one I grew up in-Pentecostal Christianity.
Now, the very person that was heavy against ex-Ahmadis and questioning Ahmadis online for years and said he's better than them, has found the truth, is now himself, an ex-Ahmadi because he grew in emotional intelligence and empathy for others.
It's ironic. Both convert Ahmadis and ex Ahmadis have so much in common in regards to opposition. I, out of all people should've understood the most of why ex and doubting Ahmadis think the way they do. But now I truly understand.
Viewing myself as the "Savior and Prodigal Convert Ahmadi" for people who doubt and it was definitely taxing on my mental health. It was just pure ego. Nothing more.
I thought I could "save" other Ahmadis, but I couldn't even "save" myself.
Except I saved myself from religious indoctrination and possible insanity
You can lose friends and family n stuff, but if you lose yourself, that's the worst feeling ever. Ngl
These are my views summarized:

• I am an agnostic atheist. I still choose to socially follow Islam
  
• no religion is absolute. Every religion is a philosophy, but it offers one a very limited lens to look into the reality and phenomena of things
  
• growing up in a dogmatic religion (Pentecostal Christianity) and experiencing yet, another, I am not a big fan of religious dogma as it caps our natural critical thinking abilities. It limits us to one view and that's not good for mental health.
  
• I've embraced my real and true self after burying him for a long time under the excuses of dogmatic religion
  
• I've been doubting and having cognitive dissonance for a long time. I've just chosen to acknowledge reality a few weeks ago, and then officially announced.
  
• I despise the Desi culture in Jammat and they're going to inevitably gossip about me now that I freed myself.
  
• I believe in scientific progress, and my lens on the world are viewed from a scientific perspective.
  
• While I admire Islam, I don't believe men are superior to women nor do I believe a 50 year old man should marry a 6 year old (or 9 by Jamamt standards). Sure, it was the customs of the ancient times, but we don't live in the ancient times anymore. We live in the modern era. Marrying a child is disgusting
  
• all humans are agnostic one way or another
  
• a god is possible but there is no convincing evidence for any personal God
  
• all religions preach the same evidence, same doctrines, same amount of prophets, same amount of gods
  
• Ahmadi Muslims claim to get true dreams but so do Christians and other Muslims, as if God was in a competition with himself
  
• I love philosophy and currently studying more of it
  
• we should treat our current world views like a scientific theory.
  
• Let me elaborate, it may not be an absolute truth but our evidence confidently lead to the conclusion that this thing explains the phenomena of these happenings
  
• I often meditate to center myself and I focus on the present and "is". This has helped me to reconnect with my true self
  
• I am a cultural Muslim as I still don't eat pork, drink alcohol, smoke weed, and I still occasionally recite Quran
  

In essence, my views are very similar to my views from before entering the Jammat, in that, I believed all religions had the same amount of gods, same amount of prophets and same amount of books, as if God(s) were in a competition with Him/themselves.
That's my view on this world again, and if anything, history has repeatedly shown religious dogma causes stagnation in communities. openness to other views and perspective and intermixing is key, and I just dislike how Jammat and the nizam say we need to get back to "the core teachings" or "don't worry about what others are doing. focus on yourself and your connection to Allah and Khilafat.", this completely ignores the reality of the problems in Jammat like the rape scandals, rampant and judgemental Desi culture of excessive gossip and defaming, stagnation in the education of its members (being the former Nizam Taleem of MKA Baltimore), most converts leaving after converting because they found no love in the social structure of Jammat or it's too dogmatic, no one is enthusiastic about Tabligh or Taleem, Jammat encourages calling people and "being their friend", but people see through the B.S. behind that. Jammat has grown stagnant and refuses to hold themselves accountable for fear of a ruined reputation despite the fact this philosophy ruins their reputation further. it sounds to me as if Jammat is like an insecure narcissistic man who never takes responsibility for his wrongs and always blames the other person.
Ameer Sahib always lectures the people of Jammat in the Jalsas of how sad he is about the bad tarbiyyat of Ahmadis or those not joining the Wassiyat scheme (and I speak as a former Moosi, so no one can lecture me here), but he only presents himself as someone judgemental and not someone that speaks with humility. it seems it's just another speech about low turnout. maybe instead of lecturing everyone, might be better to reform the institution from ground up? perhaps Musleh Maud's system no longer works in this era. or that it needs great reforms to better progress the community. there is too much of a social hierarchy in this institution and it's filled with those who have no real understanding of the struggles of Ahmadi youth.
don't get me started on the Noah's ark rhetoric and how Jammat presents it. Everytime I would ever read that book or listen to excerpts in speeches or zoom calls, I'd feel guilty and like a peace of trash. especially with Masroor Sahib saying a nuclear war is upon us soon. I feel this is a cult because more chanda is being demanded. more guilt tripping is being made to gaslight members into blindly following. I saw a child cry in their parent's arms upon hearing what Masroor Sahib said about "World War III is here." why would you expose a child to that??? that's terrible mental torture and I felt bad for them.
That's all I got for now.
Everything else has been explained here:
https://x.com/LAhmadi25/status/1796569889802768775?t=RAQ9GWfQObLXIsY0tSN_8w&s=19
Sincerely,
Damon Stengel, The Ex-Ahmadi Convert

We don't belong to the HOA, but we are being viciously bullied by nearly every member. I have only met two leaders of the HOA in person, many years ago, and only once, but we've now been at war with the one leader ever since she tried to force us to join and we declined. Then she took several retaliatory actions over the years that I documented with police. But I know she has utilized the email of the HOA to abuse us because we have since been bullied by approximately 10 different groups of people/houses, who literally have spit at us. When we are out walking, they give us the finger from their cars, they give the finger to our house as they walk by. Grown adults are bullying us, as well as their adult children and I don't even know who any of them are. We live within the HOA neighborhood boundaries and are the only outsiders. It's a good position to be in because they have no power over us, except they are doing everything to get us to move. I don't care in the sense I think they are all awful people who would join in on bullying people they don't even know, but it has started to impact our enjoyment of our home. My family is very happy. We laugh and sing and play music. We are very loving to each other. I keep wishing this would stop, but over the past few years it has only continued to escalate, to the point when we leave our home and stand on our lawn we can expect to be harassed and called names. Two of the leaders have been observed on our surveillance cameras pointing at our house and cameras to complete strangers who don't even live in our neighborhood, telling them about us and getting everyone to abuse and shun us. I would move but our home is one we would never be able to afford if we bought it today and is in a really great locale.
I've also noticed they try to spin their behavior so they are the victims. This is based on our needing to report their harassment to the police. Now we are the psycho ones because we take steps to protect ourselves. They say our number of security cameras is "crazy." It was this May, someone walked by as I was outside raking leaves (I like to leave them over winter because it is good for the animals and soil) and they said really loudly "Imagine if we had leaf problems like that. Gross." I know I shouldn't let bullies and petty garbage bother me, but it is like being back in grade school again and at my own home! I've looked into lawyers but have had some decline our case and others quote me 15k starting cost. I would like to seek justice for us, but I've got kids in college and other costs.

Hello Everyone!
I (29f) am new to this and still trying to figure myself out. So, for context: I have struggled for a while with sexual attraction with my husband (28m) of 8yrs and this would be the cause of all of our arguments and fights. I could go on for months without doing it with him but unfortunately for me, he has a higher sex drive than I do. I wasn't sure why it felt like the spark died, we started dating when we were juniors in HS together and that's all we mostly did after school and during weekends. I still love him very deeply and I know he loves me (sorry, gross, I know). I think this might have happened after moving in with him after we got engaged when I stopped feeling the sexual attraction. So a few years ago, we have tried to add some fun stuff to make things interesting from toys, vitamin supplements, to watching p**n together since i joined a smut channel because of a few friends i had made on a dumb online mobile game. It worked for like one or two days but then I just wouldn't be excited or interested.. I just thought there might be something wrong with me until I started to Google this and saw the possibility that I could be Ace/Demi.
Anyways, I have been kind of jokingly/seriously been pushing my husband to finding a second partner for himself for a long time. And for a long time though he always said the usual mushy "no I love you and only you" crap until recently. So I brought it up with him again last Sunday and he did give it some serious thought to it but wanted to know why I have been pushing him to get a second partner for so long. I finally came out to him as being on the Ace spectrum and felt like i wasnt being fair to him for not being as sexually active as he is, and that might have gotten worse aftrr our son was born. He kind of understands (he grew up protestant) where I'm coming from in my perspective about not being as sexually active as he is. We talked for a very long time about it on Sunday and Monday night about it from how are we going to do this and what boundaries are we going to have. However, during this discussion be said that he probably won't be on board with this unless I am the one that picks the girl and would join. I did talk with one of my friends in my smut channel about it as he's Poly and would probably know more about having multiple partners. He did finally get back to me about it and said that's up to me if I'm comfortable with it because I mentioned to him that my husband's only concern is hurting me and not being able to look at him the same way. My friend told me that whatever we're both comfortable with and to just treat it as an experiment and might help with our relationship.
I still don't know how to feel about doing pretty much a threesome as I just don't find the act all that appealing (not in a negative way, just an indifferent way). It kind of sounds exciting but at the same time, I just want to make sure that hes satisfied because I feel like I haven't been fair to him at all for the past 8 years. He says that isn't true and he cares about our relationship and for me.
Please help. Thank you for taking the time to read through my babbling mess of words.
Edit:
Sorry, I should also have clarified: he isn't trying to convince me or bully to do a threesome and he isn't a bully or an abu$er. He lacks self-confidence (I know, doesn't sound convincing and very cliche) as the only person he's only ever done it with is me. He has gained quite a lot of weight (partly my fault, cooking is my love language) and doesn't think he has what it takes to rizz someone, and I'm pretty good at doing it. He cares for my overall mental health and doesn't want me to get hurt/upset/angry since my father cheated on my mom when I was a teen and have hated cheating since then. (Now I just sound like a total hypocrite, lol)
I have expressed it to him that I am way too tired to be angry over something like this now since getting worked up over something that would already be done and just no point.
If anyone should be a bully, it should probably be me since i was the one who kept pushing for this. I just feel like I haven't been very fair to him at all and have been neglecting his physical needs as his love languages are touch and words while I am the complete opposite of him (acts of service and gifts). He has been very understanding and patient with me since he knows that you can't teach someone to have a higher s*x drive than them (quote from my Poly friend).
He still will always find me attractive, which is honestly still odd to me. (8 years of marriage + 4 years of dating). I do love him, I just want to make sure his needs are met. He always tells me that I'm more than enough and is fine with it. Sure, if he pushes a few buttons here and there, it would probably get me into the mood and be fine for a few days. Then would go back to not doing it for like the next 4 weeks or so.

Note: I have been trying to get this post out because there are many high-achieving and qualified students in this subreddit, but my posts haven't been getting any responses. I'd love some feedback from someone besides by guidance counselor on the best ways to get in my dream school and what other potential targets and safeties I can try for if that is not possible.
Demographics: White Male, 17, NJ, high income, public high school, no hooks
SAT: 1600
GPA and rank: 3.33 UW (Again, I know it's below NYU's standards, but I have extenuating circumstances + upward trend, and I was told that NYU was more lenient on GPA compared to other top university's compared to other higher ranked schools)
Courseload
* Freshman: English 1 (HON), Biology (HON), Geometry (HON), PLTW IED, Spanish 1, Wind Ensemble, Study Hall, Physical Education/Health 1
* Sophomore: English 2 (HON), Chemistry (ACC), Algebra 2 (ACC), US History 1 (HON), PLTW CIM, Spanish 2, Wind Ensemble, Physical Education/Health 2
* Junior: AP Language and Composition (HON), Physics 1 (ACC), Financial Literacy (ACC), APUSH (HON), Entrepreneurship, Wind Ensemble, Study Hall, Physical Education/Health 3
* Senior: AP English Literature (HON), AP Chemistry (HON), AP Statistics (HON), AP World History (HON), AP Psychology (HON), AP Economics (HON), Computer Programming 1 (HON), Physical Education/Health IV
EC's

1. Nationally ranked Saxophonist in the Carnegie Hall National Youth Orchestra (NYO-2 + Jazz), New Jersey Youth Orchestra, Philadelphia Youth Orchestra and Sinfonia, and New Jersey All-State Band + regional Orchestra and Jazz Band
   
2. School musician; Drum Major of my school's nationally recognized Marching Band, 1st chair of the competitive Jazz Band, and section leader and concertmaster of the Wind Ensemble
   
3. Founder of an Ecommerce Startup that generated me 70k and got 250k website views
   
4. Consulting Internship at a Fortune 500 company. I also published independent economic research in a student review journal
   
5. Started a music fundraisepassion project that raised a lot of money for music therapy due to its potential in curing mental illnesses and diseases. We have 50k+ followers on social media
   
6. Eagle Scout, Assistant Senior Patrol Leader in my troop, I organized a Blood Drive for my troop, and overall I have 300+ hours, I'm also active as a Red Cross Volunteer and I'm active in my school's service clubs
   
7. School leadership positions in FBLA, DECA, competitive Investment Team, and Honor societies
   
8. Quant Trading/Investment Fund I started with my cousin, we manage 700k in assets. I also manage my own personal investment portfolio
   
9. Professional lifeguard in a competitive Beach Patrol, certified by the Red Cross and EMS and EMT certified. I am certified to be an instructor, and I won the competitive lifesaving award at the USLA National Lifeguard Championships
   
10. Weighlifting; training to be a lifeguard was intense, and I wanted to put my training routine to show my work ethic and commitment to consistency, my current stats are: Bench 225, 365 squat, 385 deadlift at 160lb weight class
    

Awards

1. National Merit Commended / hopeful AP Scholar with Distinction
2. PVSA Gold / Congressional Service Bronze / Honor Scout
3. DECA ICDC / FBLA National Qualifier
4. Tri-M Music HS / Business HS
5. Harvard CS50 certification

Note: I have many other music, lifeguarding, and community service awards, but IDK where to put it
Letters of Rec (in progress): Guidance Counselor, Marching Band Instructor, planning on asking some teachers but I don't know which subjects to ask from
Essays: My personal statement was unique but risky, I used music as a metaphor for my passion and who I was as a person. I chose a good quote for the supplemental, and I used the additional information section to explain my extenuating circumstances for my grades
Safeties: Rowan (77%), Seton Hall (78%), Stockton (80%)
Targets: Rutgers-NB (66%), TCNJ (66%), NJIT (66%), Stevens Institute (53%), Penn State (55%)
Reaches: NYU (ED1+Full pay) (8%), Villanova University (21%)
Final remarks: I am regretful about my GPA, but some of it was out of my control and I have grown as a person. The reason why I want to get into NYU is because it is at the center of all of the internships, and while I know I'm not competitive for Stern, I was hoping I could try and internally transfer if I get accepted into another campus, and use that as a jumping point for my career. My dream is to start my own company and have an impact on the world. Corny, but IDK

Hey everyone! So, a little bit about Kobo's customer service. I'm a long-time Kobo fan and owner of many of their models, from the Nia to the Clara 2e, all in the smallest format available. I decided to upgrade my trusty e-reader. After eagerly researching the features of the new Clara and Libra Colour, I mistakenly came to the conclusion that both models supported a stylus. This thrilled me, as I'd long dreamed of making notes directly in the margins of my books, especially since I had an old but reliable Wacom Bamboo stylus lying around. Without hesitation, I ordered the Clara colour, envisioning myself highlighting interesting quotes and jotting down my thoughts without interrupting my reading.
But my joy was short-lived. My lovely wife, always ready to surprise me, informed me that she had already ordered me the Elipsa 2e, specifically for note-taking and reading at home. I was touched by her thoughtfulness, but at the same time, I realized that maybe a sixth e-reader wasn't really necessary, especially since it turned out that the Clara colour didn't actually support a stylus after all. My primary on-the-go e-reader, the Clara 2e, was perfect for me, although the new BW hadn't quite grown on me due to its rougher texture, which wasn't as comfortable to hold, not to mention the inability to read in the bath.
Realizing that the new e-reader would just gather dust on the shelf with the others, I rushed to cancel my Clara colour order. Thankfully, only three hours had passed since I placed the order. Kobo promises the ability to cancel within 24 hours, right? Well, not quite. It turned out that their sales department worked with lightning speed, and my order had already been transferred to the warehouse for shipment. Apparently, due to the high demand for the new models, the warehouse was physically unable to track down and cancel a single order. And so, my now unwanted Clara colour was on its way. To make matters worse, I was due to leave with my family for a few days in eight days. The package was shipped via UPS. After lengthy discussions with Kobo support, we decided that I would simply refuse the package upon delivery, and it would be returned to the sender. It seemed like the problem was solved.
However, as luck would have it, there were some hiccups with UPS, and the package was delayed by a couple of days. Now it was scheduled to be delivered the day before my departure. I called UPS again and made arrangements that if the package was delayed, they wouldn't leave it without my signature and would immediately send it back. I even followed up with an email to confirm this arrangement, just to be safe.
And so, the package was delayed. I left, leaving my house in the not-so-great neighborhood of Surrey, where packages are stolen more often than buses run. The evening after I left, I received a delivery notification. I was in shock! How could this be? I called UPS, and they said, "The sender indicated 'Safe Drop,' we followed the instructions." UPS simply washed their hands of the matter, shifting the blame to Kobo. Fortunately, they agreed to send the driver back to retrieve the package.
The next day, I initiated contact with Kobo's customer service. I'll be honest, I was angry and frustrated. I vented all my pent-up negative emotions from the past few days. In response, they offered to send me a return shipping label so I could send the package back if UPS didn't retrieve it and it wasn't stolen. After the return was processed at the warehouse, I was supposed to receive a refund within 15 days.
Of course, this option didn't suit me. I didn't want my vacation to be ruined by thoughts of the ill-fated package and endless calls to UPS. The next day, I called UPS again to inquire whether the driver had picked up the package, but they told me that the driver hadn't provided any information yet.
And then, a day later, I received a notification of a refund from Kobo! I wrote to their support chat to clarify what had happened. They replied that they value every customer and, after reviewing my situation again, simply refunded my money without requiring the return of the product, as my peace of mind was more important to them. Regarding the e-reader itself, they said that if it had already been returned via UPS, that would be great, but if it had been stolen, I shouldn't worry, as they are very loyal to their customers. If the package was still there when I returned, I could either return it or do with it as I pleased.
In the end, Kobo's customer service turned out to be one of the most loyal and customer-centric I've ever encountered. This reaffirmed my belief that they not only make the best e-readers but also care about their customers at every step, even if it means issuing a refund without requiring a return. This kind of customer service deserves respect and gratitude.

Apologies for the wall of text. This is half venting, half desperately seeking other opinions on what is happening because I feel so confused.
My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years. Around year 2 we started having very explosive arguments that haven’t really gotten any better despite our best efforts. While the issues that cause the fight eventually get resolved, our communication never seems to truly improve. Sometimes it gets better, but almost always reverts back to its worst. Over the last 2 years I have been starting to feel that there are very clear signs of abusive and manipulative behavior that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I started reading the book “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft, and it has finally put words to some of the ways I have felt mistreated throughout our relationship. The book is almost 20 years old and can be a bit dated at time, so I take everything with a grain of salt and have been doing independent research about things I felt were applicable to me.
My partner, let’s call him Max, is for the most part a loving, caring and highly sensitive person. He checks in on me all the time and is so in tune with my emotions that it amazes me. He has always made me feel cared for and is the least judgmental person I know. When we are not fighting, he really is a wonderful & generous partner and we go through long stretches 2-3 months where things are great. I know this sounds like the cliché reddit post where the OP is like my relationship is PERFECT and then goes onto describe a very far from perfect relationship (& maybe this is my wakeup call that that I'm being that person right now). But really, outside of arguments, we have a great, & still imperfect, relationship filled with so much love.
Over time we have gotten much better at bringing up things that are bothering us in healthy & fruitful ways (we are both ex-people-pleasers so we struggle with voicing displeasure). However, conflict has ensued we face the same issues. When he gets angry he becomes a completely different person. At times it takes a lot for him to get angry- especially at times when we are having an argument where there is seemingly no resolution and we are both emotionally exhausted, and probably should have taken a break a while ago. More often though, the anger comes out very quickly, and seemingly out of left field. Often times it is the tone I use, or how I communicate that causes the initial conflict. What is confusing for me is that his perception of how I said something feels so far from mine. This happens often enough to where I feel like I am walking on eggshells, to the point where I usually monitor my tone and how express things pretty closely. I also have autism & ADHD (what a fun pairing), so my words & tone are often misinterpreted. In general I try to be careful about how I speak to others & even more so with especially Max. Max is neurotypical, so at times it feels like we are speaking different languages- I try to be intentional with how I speak in our conversations so that we can both feel understood. I want to mention that I also have my own triggers, trauma and unhealthy ways of communicating, and I know that I am equally at fault for the initial lapses in our communication. I usually have no objection to the original conflict, what worries me is how the original conflict is then seemingly used as a reason by Max to lash out in anger. The argument that happened recently opened my eyes to some of these things. Here's a brief synopsis:
We were unloading groceries and I was simultaneously reorganizing the fridge. Max started moving things around in the fridge looking for something, not knowing that I was currently reorganizing. Here is the conversation that ensued (almost word for word, I know tone is hard to interpret from text, so I will try me best to explain):
Me: “Aw, I just reorganized that shelf.” Max: “Don’t speak to me that way.” (abrupt) Me: “Speak to you in what way? I’m just want you to not move around stuff in the fridge because I'm organizing it.” Max: “why are you so emotionally charged right now?” Me (slightly confused and feeling cornered): “I’m not emotionally charged. Try to speak to your own experience, what are you feeling?”
This set him off. I could have said it nicer or more empathetic- but at this point I was already registering conflict on the horizon and feeling anxious. I asked him again to talk about his experience and how what I did made him feel. This is something we have discussed with our couples therapist about not assuming the other persons emotional state and rather keeping it in the “I feel (blank) when you do (blank)” structure- which can be annoying but it does help reframe how my actions affected him.
He couldn’t answer this question, so I then asked, “what tone in my voice did you perceive?” He then said that I should know the tone and know that it is unacceptable. At this point, I think he thought I was playing dumb which made him angrier, but truth be told I was unsure of why my tone or request had angered him, the reaction felt out of place. I thought my delivery was even keeled, albeit I would have improved the delivery or maybe just not said anything at all if I could go back in time.
I could see that he was hurt but I was also feeling confused and annoyed because I felt as though he was taking his anger out on me. It was hard for me to be the most comforting and empathetic person, though I was still trying to redirect the conversation in order to better understand what was happening for him. The first segment of the argument ended pretty abruptly after that, with him yelling, hitting a wall and then kicking an empty box across the living room and locking himself in the bathroom. I followed in an attempt to comfort him. He let me in and I held his hands and asked him to tell me what was going on, knowing that he was really struggling & feeling empathy for that. He was able to then talk about why the experience was triggering for him and how the tone and delivery reminded him of his mom (who he has some trauma with because she was extremely anxious, uptight and demanding of him in his childhood). Once he said this I broke down crying.
Now, an interlude for some important context. Max's biggest "theme" in our conflicts is that he often struggles to feel understood by me. We have had extensive conversations about how I can work on making him feel understood through mirroring, and other specific communication exercises. I try to put these into play, though I do struggle because his style of communicating can feel very unnatural and even ingenuine to me- it feels like I am reading from a script. In the last year, when I am expected to respond, I get immense anxiety that is attributed to a pressure to preform. I start to feel that if I am not able to show understanding in the way that he expects, the argument (& his anger with me) will get worse & I am the one to blame. There is anxiety tangled up in the idea of failing him & failing myself, then frustration with myself for not being able to do something that should be simple, and then even MORE frustration because now I feel like a selfish bitch for making everything about me when it was suppose to be about Max. This all becomes debilitating at times. Resulting in intense anxiety attacks or waves of feeling so overwhelmed I can't speak. This is what happened in that moment.
Max saw this was happening & immediately switched gears. He told me it was okay, and that he didn't need understanding in that moment. He comforted me and I felt seen and loved & also felt pretty terrible that the attention had shifted to me. I told him I felt guilty about this & he reassured me it was okay. Speaking from a place of insecurity and fear, I told him that I was scared that my inability to show understanding in this moment would be held over my head or weaponized against me in a later argument. There have been several times where I have shared a vulnerable feeling with him and it has been used against me in moments of anger, so the fear comes form a real place. Again he reassured me that wouldn't happen. We took a break and sat down to talk about it later that day.
This was the start of a 3 day long discussion and several arguments. I don’t need to summarize everything but in those days here are the things that struck me as definitely NOT okay & possibly abusive:

• Assuming/ telling me what my emotional state is (i.e. "you're clearly frustrated"). Then I try to explain that I am do not like bring told what I'm feeling, Max uses phrases like "why are you so emotionally charged?", "why are you arguing with me" & why are you so defensive?" constantly. It's a catch-22, he decides that his perception of me is truth, and when I try to clarify, I am told I am defensive. There is no correct answer to that question that doesn't make me look more defensive. It makes me feel like he has no interest on what I am actually feeling.
  
• If I specify something he is doing that I don't like, he makes sure to police everything I say in order to prove that I do the same thing. The conversation then becomes focused on what I am doing and saying wrong. In a later conversation, I mentioned the point above. He said it made complete sense to him. For the remainder of the conversation, anytime I made an assumption, not about his feelings but about ANYTHING. For example, I was explaining how when he hits walls it is scares me. As an example I referenced Bancroft's book & said that hitting walls would objectively be considered an "act of violence" (which I realize objective may not have been the best word to use here). In response to this he said that assuming that hitting is objectively (verifiable information based on facts and evidence) an act of violence is incorrect. Then tried to find examples where hitting is NOT an act of violence (the one he brought up was if it was for a play/acting). This continued, anytime o brought up a feeling, he would correct all the assumptions I was making & not once did he address my feelings after that. It felt like a way to deflect and avoid accountability.
  
• Interrupting constantly until I stop talking completely. Once he hits a certain threshold of anger, the tactics to end the conversation, regain control and/or anger me become similar to those in the schoolyard when we were kids. This one is pretty simple- if I try to say ANYTHING, at the mere sound of my voice he will keep interrupting me by yelling the same phrase (common phrases include "I don't care", "sucks to be interrupted huh?", "shut up"). This one happens a lot and is often times how an argument ends.
  
• Hitting things. Hitting walls, surfaces, kicking boxes around. I never thought he he did this to scare or physically intimidate me. However it does scare me & I have shared this with him. His continuation of this action tells me one of two things: either he just doesn't care or he actually is trying to scare me.
  
• Weaponizing personal or vulnerable things I have shared with him. Remember how he said he wouldn't weaponize what I had told him earlier about my fears? Well, he did. When I things started heading south he made a comment about how "Not that long ago you we're sobbing to me in the bathroom about how much you 'cared about making sure I felt understood' (said in a mocking impression of my crying voice) and now you're-" I cut him off at that point and called him an asshole (not my best moment) for doing the one thing he reassured me he wouldn't do. He tried to retract what he was saying and defend it, but I stopped him because I knew in my gut what he actually wanted to say would cut too deep for me.
  
• In conjunction with this, he also says incredibly hurtful things. In our last argument he flat out said he didn't love me. In the past he has told me I am unreliable and irresponsible, using things I struggle with heavily due to ADHD (such as answering phone calls, being places on times) as fodder for why I am not a good partner. ADHD is NEVER an excuse and I have worked so hard to overcome the less-than-ideal aspects of my executive dysfunction. Nonetheless, these items are soft spots for me that I have shared with him. He has also said that I am egocentric & way too emotional because I cry when I am overwhelmed (I do cry easily, whether it's because I am overwhelmed, sad or even joyful- crying is good for the soul!). He says things that are usually a direct attack on my character & they are always specific to things that I have mentioned are really deep insecurities of mine. It feels specific enough to where I have started to suspect he says these things to tear down my confidence and make me feel undeserving of respect and fair treatment.
  
• Later mocked me by referring to himself as "physically abusive" because I am so afraid of him "hitting" things. Dramatic use of air quotes were used for both of those words.
  

The list continues but I think this is a fair snippet of actions that could potentially be seen as manipulative or abusive. I am confused on whether or not he is ACTUALLY abusive or if I am just making something out what are merely just unfavorable communication tactics.
My therapist has mentioned that Max seem to have narcissistic traits (which I don't really believe) and abusive tendencies. She has shown real fear for my situation and has actually advised me to not say and share certain details of my life with him out of worry for me. This is part of the reason I stopped seeing here, because I felt her assessment was a bit unfair since she had never spoken with him.
I have stopped talking to almost all my friends about my issues with Max because a majority have shown strong displeasure with his actions & I often times feel like they pity me. Max also stated that he felt like my friends didn't like him, he has hinted that this may because I tell them a biased retelling of our arguments. No matter what a story will always be biased, so I opted to stop sharing with my friends and encourage Max to hang out with us more as a group. I think a lot of my friends like him more now, but I can't help but feeling isolated because I don't have many people to talk to this about.
My one friend who I really felt comfortable with sharing these issues with has even recently advised me that based on a recent argument that maybe it's time to move on.
Our couples therapist (who we have been seeing for 1.5 years) is great in most regards, but I don't feel like he has taken my concerns as seriously as I want them to be taken. He has told me separately that he does not believe Max is abusive.
I have laid out all of these actions to my couple's therapist & to Max on several different occasions, and I am feeling defeated. When Max isn't angry we make so much progress & I even feel like he is less quick to get angry. But once the anger starts all the healing and work we've done just doesn't seem to matter. In those moments it's hard to tell if he even sees me as a person- I feel more like an obstacle that he needs to defeat, or a scapegoat for his negative emotions.
Are these the warnings signs of an abusive relationship? Is the abuse already happening? Are we in a toxic relationship where neither of us can break the cycle? I'm not don't need any definitive answers, but would really appreciate any feedback I can get.

Some Family drama has gone down that has resulted in my partner & I speaking with a couple we haven't spoken with in the entire time we have been together and finding out some information. We will call them Lucy and Todd.
Note: I won't be reffering to anyones family titles as this will be too obvious Instead I will give them all names.
Lucy and Todd have had a falling out with a couple people (Zac & Cheryl). Zac & Cheryl have been making Lucy and Todd look bad by playing the victims when they are equally, if not mostly responsible for the events thats transpired.
Lucy & Todd reached out to tell us their side of the story. Whilst explaining everything in detail they happen to mention a sister inlaw, we will refer to her as Helga.
For some context my partner and I have been together for 8 yrs and for a whole 7 plus years I have gone to family events etc. and felt like the outsider. Noone would talk to me, I always had a feeling something was wrong. I would always reach out to Helga who seemed so nice & she was close with the whole family, so I confided in her and told her my concerns or had general chats. Note she was the only one in the family that would give me time of day.
So last night upon talking to Lucy & Todd (who used to be very close with Zac & Cherly till recently) we found out before every family event Zac would say to Cheryl, Lucy, Todd & whoever else was around, that we will not talk to (me) over and over again. & this adds up with how the family events went. Then Lucy & Todd said one time they laughed at something I said and Zac grilled them for it.
I have never done anything to Zac, Cheryl or anyone in the family in the 8 years I was there, so to find out this was happening 8 years later you can understand that myself and my partner are shocked. The last 6 months have been good and I finally felt accepted into the family after close to a decade of rejection.
First time the family started being nice was when Zac needed something from me. He was sucking up my a** like you wouldn't believe. Because I worked somewhere that could have huge benefits to him/them. So I went along with it, gave him quotes etc. After speaking with Todd & Lucy I fond out Zacs speech went from "do not talk to her" to "be nice as pie and suck up her a**". Which is what happened at the following family garthering because of what I brought to the table. Note: I am not silly, I saw the shift, I just wanted to ride the wave out to see where it was going.
So Todd and Lucy added some context to these speeches Zac was giving everyone. Apparently I hurt Helgas' feelings somewhere early in the piece. I have never directly done anything to Helga. The only 2 issues I had with her (I have to keep the details limited) were one time I caught her put in n a lie twice and addressed it with her. The 2nd time I was grieving a loss and confided in her and told her not to tell anyone. Being the the big mouth she is, she told everyone, I found out and got upset. In both senarios I believe I was the one treated poorly by her not the otherway around.
But Helga had the whole family wrapped around her finger & she could do not wrong. And as I just found out, EVERYTHING I said to her was spun, twisted, manipulated and blown out of context to make me look like a terrible person. I wasn't even saying bad things but she made anything I said look bad. So now we found out the reason the whole family hated me was because of Helga, always putting fuel on the fire.
My poor partner, he looked up to her, she was around since he was a teen & she made his life hard. He couldn't enjoy family gatherings or anything. & it makes sense, she would plan most of the events. Everyone would reach out to her like she was a gate keeper.
Well Helga being the lovely person she is cough cough, screwed her owm life up when she decided to tripped on her bosses banana & kept happening for a year. In her & her husbands bed. To say the family was shocked would be an understatement, how could little miss perfect do this. Well along with that the trust is gone and the day the whole family found out I was finally welcomed into family.
Also she called up someone else crying that my partner and I blocked her. Another lie. At this point she's a compulsive liar and maniputator. If you ever see a middle aged woman with heaps of friends, nice as pie, thats her.
There are so many details, but at this stage I don't want to make it too obvious. The last bit might as Idk how many women do that but we shall see.
Helga is a horrible person, don't be like Helga.

My brother is far better read up than me. He's honestly amazing. I get jealous of all his little friends.
He's got a lot of them. He does a lot of work.
I'm so proud to call him my brother.
I've got quite a few siblings.
I don't really have friends.
I don't really do anything too terribly much.
I am pretty fairly content to zonk out, just sit in my head for long periods of time.
Like my brother, I am able to act. Those buggies will be put away, a stern, informative lecture given. The attentive ear that will challenge. That collapsed individual will find someone above them, directing others, and will find a loving face in those moments if the face can be there. If it can't, it will help keep away the crowd. It is without thought, without personal concern. It is a body in the fire to try to preserve what it can. On fire.
I assume this of him. I have learned this of me.
My son's father used to get so upset at me for trying to help. "He's no good at being uncomfortable so he can't stop staying exactly the same."
"Leave it alone, someone else will do it." We've got things to do.
Brother has a unit. They may not like his reign, they may not even like him, but I think that's part of who we are.
Unwilling to be liked.
I'm struggling at ambition. I don't seek it, by far. Fucking please, no. But I am stupid. I am a stupid, silly little woman, and I don't know my nose until I have to explain it again, and even then, give me a minute.
Within the last two years, I have learned to stop and the compulsion is so strong. My outward ticks would give me away, were they known.
Prattle.
Give me water, and I'll give it back. Give me your riches and I will cry, and not from happiness. Because, to me, that's a piece of you, and it needs to stay that way. Unless. Unless it is hurting others.
Then I'm choking down a desire to....to...
But I've gotten better. Had to turn that empathy down.
We have so much we're expected to do, and I learned a couple of years ago, though I was relatively aware already, that I'm no Martin Luther King Jr. My favorite bible verse and Samuel Clements informed me of better so long ago, as did the cruel words of my eldest sibling.
It's not modesty. It's shame.
It's shame. These aspects that could be used for such good are hampered by shame.
Leave my name out of your mouth, out of your mind at all.
Those clothes....you only want approval with that brand logo. That laugh...you only want validation when you do it in front of others.
Do not accept thanks, run away, learned I.
Do not look up to see who sees, learned I.
I hear the good quotes. I know a wise voice, and I defeat it by shame.
I knew ambition. And I know it now as shame.
Give me your backlash. Give me your struggle. Give me where it hurts, but don't give me your thanks.
How stupid am I

I (25F) found out I was pregnant on Mother's Day. Told my boyfriend (28M) and his reaction was not what I'd expected (considering I asked him just the previous week if I was pregnant would he want me to get an abortion and he said NO, he wants to keep it). He did not hug me, kiss me, even hold my hand it took about 5 minutes for him to say we need to have an abortion.
I've been the one going back and forth with him on it but he stayed solid, being negative saying we made a mistake, we lusted after each other that night, he's mad we were irresponsible, a baby would be another bill neither of us can afford on and on. Just a complete 180 from what he's been saying about having a baby from the moment we got together. (He dated baby mother's and surrounded himself with women with children before we got together).
So even after waking up the morning after we found out, I kept asking him are you sure? He's like this is what we have to do. I booked the consultation appointment while he was in gamestop selling a game system for gas money. That's how bad he's doing financially for reference.
Anyway, the past month I've been pregnant he's been totally absence claiming he's 'working', but doesn't have his $100 half of the ultrasound appointment that's monday. He gets paid weekly. I get paid every 2 weeks and work part time and still saved it up.
We've seen each other 3 times this month compared to me being at his house with his family exclusively for almost 8 months straight while I was taking a break from work. Suddenly doesn't want me over for long, doesn't want to spend time together, doesn't want me involved in any of his family activities like his cousin's grad or meeting his other cousin who came into town.
I argued with him and he spun it into something completely different ignoring the pregnancy in the equation altogether. Both times I brought up his lack of involvement and attentiveness to me.
I kept getting emails from planned paranthood that they had ultrasound appointments opening up and a week before I asked my boyfriend if we could do the earlier appointment date offered. He said no because he can't get off work in time enough (works at a restaurant as a cook). I said, isn't this an emergency situation where you should just call off? (And he works in the afternoon, the appointment would obviously be morning). He's like no, keep the appointment as is (Monday). I was frustrated and angry passing up all these appointment offers as my symptoms continued getting worse.
Then yesterday, I asked him did he get off for the original appointment date. He said yeah. Asked him to send me the $100, casually says he doesn't have it. As him what's going to happen if they offer to schedule the abortion for the next day? He says and I QUOTE:
"LET'S PRAY IT'S A LITTLE LATER." I called him over and over again until he texted back 'we're busy'. He was at work. I'd had it. I called his Mom and broke down to her. No one knew so far because we'd planned the abortion - why break everyone's hearts? But at this point, he was clearly sabotaging the appointments and I was scared he'd make an excuse, wake up late, all types of shit at this point.
So after ignoring me the entire rest of the night, I'm in his text messages saying I'm done and I want to break up. This really was the last straw for me. He could've gotten my forgiveness for everything in our relationship if he'd hugged me that night kissed me, said I love you and told me, "I'm happy. We're going to get through this. I love you and let's get married." But of COURSE not.
Even if he'd supported me at ALL this past month, I wouldn't have come to this conclusion. So when he finally calls me today, guess what he says ladies and gentlemen? JUST FUCKING GUESS.
"I want to keep the baby." Then tries to gaslight me that he had never made up his mind, told me he needed time, on and on and on. Ya'll I told him if it's twins I can't do an abortion and he had fear in his eyes like, 'bitch you're getting the abortion'. He was like, "Stop playing." Now he wants to keep the baby!!!! I think it's mainly because he feels bad now that everyone knows the abortion was his idea. It's like, too bad! You should've listened to me and thought about it before responding!
I feel like he's emotionally fucking with me at this point thinking he can keep going back and forth on a decision like this like it's nothing. Now I'm so torn. I was happy I was pregnant and didn't try to stop from getting pregnant because I was 100% sure he would be an amazing father and take care of me. Now that he's suddenly let me down at my most vulnerable time, I cannot imagine being tied to him for the rest of my life. I'm not into the single mom life, not into co-parenting, I want to get married and have a solid family and have my child be loved eternally by their dad specifically because of how I grew up. I want him fully involved, even moreso than me.
So now I'm just sitting here second guessing everything. I truly don't know what to do. I feel so sick and I want to feel better and I want him out of my life. But now all those dreams he smashed a month ago are coming back. Someone please weigh this out for me. I never intended to be a mom. My switch flipped as soon as I saw the test.
TL;DR: I'm pregnant and my boyfriend emotionally and physically abandoned me and keeps flip-flopping and playing with my emotions on whether or not he wants to be a father.

Hi everyone! I need some advice, or more like an opinion from a 3rd person perspective on a relationship with a friend? I know it’s kinda long but please bear with me. I need to explain the whole picture so you can get a better idea of the situation.
I (24M) moved to America a year and a half ago from a South American country. I didn’t know anybody here so it was a rough start. It is worth to mention that I’m terrible at socializing and making new friends. I’m also gay which, to be honest, complicates things to another level. The only gay thing about me is that I am into men. But that’s it. I don’t like drag, I wear regular dude’s clothing, I talk and move in a traditionally masculine way… If I don’t tell people, then they won’t know. Not that it’s anybody’s business but having to “come out” to every new person I meet and then dealing with the “what?! Are you serious? Omg do you wanna be my gay best friend?” Is honestly exhausting sometimes. I don’t have anything against any of that. I don’t have any issues with people being like that, but I just don’t identify myself with queerness basically. I am romantically and sexually attracted to other men. Other than that, I’m just another random guy. I will also say that, for America, I have some conservative views regarding some LGBT related topics like explicit sexual content in pride parades (with children in the crowd) for example. Back in my country I was considered very liberal. It was one of the biggest cultural shocks to me when people said I was being conservative. I still don’t consider myself conservative at all. All that being said let’s introduce the second character in this story: my best? friend Jake (23M). Jake moved to the same city around the same time. So he was also alone and in search for friends. We met as a Grindr hook up. And to make a long story short we met and then we lost contact and then we randomly met again (yes, on Grindr again). Since then he became very adamant on us being friends. He is very sweet and a very good soul. I know this thread is gonna sound like i hate him but I really don’t. He has helped me with a lot of stuff and I know if I need something I can count on him. With time (this is important for later), I ended up loving the guy. He is a good friend. I just don’t know if I could call him my “best friend”. I’m very reserved and like to spend a lot of time alone and doing my own stuff whilst he literally calls me on FaceTime to ask me if he should eat or workout first and then leaves the call on while doing other stuff. He basically just doesn’t like to be alone. Remember the long ass introduction about myself? Well Jake is the opposite to that. He is a fan of drag, loves dance music, wears crop tops and butterfly headbands, and (something that I find offensive) is anti straight. He sent me an invite for a pride parade pregame at his place with the quote “gay bitches dress like it, straight bitches stay the fuck home”. When I asked him about it, he just said “it’s a joke sweetie”. The problem is that he makes that kind of “jokes” all the f time. I have a pair of pink converse which I thought were pretty cool and he calls them my “girly shoes”. I don’t they are girly just cause they’re pink?? And if they were girly shoes what is the problem with that?? It’s the way he says it like trying to tease me as if I’m finally flourishing what is annoying to me. He asks me to go to gay clubs all the time (which yeah they’re fun but can’t we go to a normal club too every now and then??) and when I show up dressed like a “straight guy” he makes a fuzz about it. It feels like he doesn’t really like me for who I am but the idea of me that he created in his head. He has BPD and has told me that he has serious abandonment issues so when he first moved here he was really depressed for being alone. I’ve started to think that he befriended me out of despair and not because he liked me. I noticed our differences very early on in our relationship and did tried to distance myself without telling him that I wasn’t interested in him cause I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He would text me every single day and call me like a clock at 5:30pm when he was off from work every single day. I would ignore him for weeks and he would still be sending me tiktoks. We weren’t even that close, we were in a getting to know each other phase and I remember him vividly saying “you’re my best friend”. He wants to be my best man at my wedding (i don’t even have a boyfriend) but how am I supposed to put him over friends back in my country that I’ve known for years. When I said that he got visibly upset and since he decided to ignore that I said it and continues to make that comment. When I expressed some of my points of view regarding some LGBT topics he told me to stop talking because he doesn’t want the image he has of me to change. Gay culture here feels very close minded, alienating and just as prejudicial as republicans homophobes, but in the opposite direction. I don’t like it. Gay culture in my country was very very different. I enjoyed “scene parties” which basically was an everyone welcome thing. And when I say everyone i mean everyone. You would have straight back-flipped-caps bros and skirt-croppedtop-fullglam gays dancing in the same room. Not everywhere was like that of course but having at least a couple parties like that every other month was really nice. Here (as far as my experience) that doesn’t exist. I expressed that to him when I refused to keep hanging out with exclusively gay people that I don’t have anything in common with besides sexual orientation and he just said that I probably have internalized homophobia. I don’t feel like our friendship is genuine and I don’t know how to address it or what to do about it. Again, I love the guy. He has helped me a lot, I know he has his heart in the right place and I see him for who he is. I don’t think he can say the same about me. He definitely does say it but I don’t think he realizes that I’m not that idea he has of me in his head.

Hi everyone! I need some advice, or more like an opinion from a 3rd person perspective on a relationship with a friend? I know it’s kinda long but please bear with me. I need to explain the whole picture so you can get a better idea of the situation.
I (24M) moved to America a year and a half ago from a South American country. I didn’t know anybody here so it was a rough start. It is worth to mention that I’m terrible at socializing and making new friends. I’m also gay which, to be honest, complicates things to another level. The only gay thing about me is that I am into men. But that’s it. I don’t like drag, I wear regular dude’s clothing, I talk and move in a traditionally masculine way… If I don’t tell people, then they won’t know. Not that it’s anybody’s business but having to “come out” to every new person I meet and then dealing with the “what?! Are you serious? Omg do you wanna be my gay best friend?” Is honestly exhausting sometimes. I don’t have anything against any of that. I don’t have any issues with people being like that, but I just don’t identify myself with queerness basically. I am romantically and sexually attracted to other men. Other than that, I’m just another random guy. I will also say that, for America, I have some conservative views regarding some LGBT related topics like explicit sexual content in pride parades (with children in the crowd) for example. Back in my country I was considered very liberal. It was one of the biggest cultural shocks to me when people said I was being conservative. I still don’t consider myself conservative at all. All that being said let’s introduce the second character in this story: my best? friend Jake (23M). Jake moved to the same city around the same time. So he was also alone and in search for friends. We met as a Grindr hook up. And to make a long story short we met and then we lost contact and then we randomly met again (yes, on Grindr again). Since then he became very adamant on us being friends. He is very sweet and a very good soul. I know this thread is gonna sound like i hate him but I really don’t. He has helped me with a lot of stuff and I know if I need something I can count on him. With time (this is important for later), I ended up loving the guy. He is a good friend. I just don’t know if I could call him my “best friend”. I’m very reserved and like to spend a lot of time alone and doing my own stuff whilst he literally calls me on FaceTime to ask me if he should eat or workout first and then leaves the call on while doing other stuff. He basically just doesn’t like to be alone. Remember the long ass introduction about myself? Well Jake is the opposite to that. He is a fan of drag, loves dance music, wears crop tops and butterfly headbands, and (something that I find offensive) is anti straight. He sent me an invite for a pride parade pregame at his place with the quote “gay bitches dress like it, straight bitches stay the fuck home”. When I asked him about it, he just said “it’s a joke sweetie”. The problem is that he makes that kind of “jokes” all the f time. I have a pair of pink converse which I thought were pretty cool and he calls them my “girly shoes”. I don’t they are girly just cause they’re pink?? And if they were girly shoes what is the problem with that?? It’s the way he says it like trying to tease me as if I’m finally flourishing what is annoying to me. He asks me to go to gay clubs all the time (which yeah they’re fun but can’t we go to a normal club too every now and then??) and when I show up dressed like a “straight guy” he makes a fuzz about it. It feels like he doesn’t really like me for who I am but the idea of me that he created in his head. He has BPD and has told me that he has serious abandonment issues so when he first moved here he was really depressed for being alone. I’ve started to think that he befriended me out of despair and not because he liked me. I noticed our differences very early on in our relationship and did tried to distance myself without telling him that I wasn’t interested in him cause I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He would text me every single day and call me like a clock at 5:30pm when he was off from work every single day. I would ignore him for weeks and he would still be sending me tiktoks. We weren’t even that close, we were in a getting to know each other phase and I remember him vividly saying “you’re my best friend”. He wants to be my best man at my wedding (i don’t even have a boyfriend) but how am I supposed to put him over friends back in my country that I’ve known for years. When I said that he got visibly upset and since he decided to ignore that I said it and continues to make that comment. When I expressed some of my points of view regarding some LGBT topics he told me to stop talking because he doesn’t want the image he has of me to change. Gay culture here feels very close minded, alienating and just as prejudicial as republicans homophobes, but in the opposite direction. I don’t like it. Gay culture in my country was very very different. I enjoyed “scene parties” which basically was an everyone welcome thing. And when I say everyone i mean everyone. You would have straight back-flipped-caps bros and skirt-croppedtop-fullglam gays dancing in the same room. Not everywhere was like that of course but having at least a couple parties like that every other month was really nice. Here (as far as my experience) that doesn’t exist. I expressed that to him when I refused to keep hanging out with exclusively gay people that I don’t have anything in common with besides sexual orientation and he just said that I probably have internalized homophobia. I don’t feel like our friendship is genuine and I don’t know how to address it or what to do about it. Again, I love the guy. He has helped me a lot, I know he has his heart in the right place and I see him for who he is. I don’t think he can say the same about me. He definitely does say it but I don’t think he realizes that I’m not that idea he has of me in his head.

So we all know there already about to drop the new season and its gonna be all stars I'm soghing right now cause we can all predict this so these are my changes and what I would do with this season and the overall game.

1. To have the option for a boy and a girl and more than two different body type and for one skin color not have more definition than a darker one (yeah I'm talking to you season 8)
   
2. To have more hair options and have at least 8 of them be FREE cause why is only one SHORT hairstyle free in season 7 and only two in season 9 mor black hairstyles of different types of hair cause I want more options since I am black and I atleast want one to be free and more fun straight hairstyles
   
3. For more different styles of clothing almost like the did in season 4 and somewhat 5 where you can have y2k or glam or goth or street style cottage core that type of stuff have at least 5 outfits for free in each different style
   
4. More tattoo choices that are free or atleast don't cost 16 gems and different types of tattoos not just astrology signs or love and infinity symbols
   
5. More options in general better shoes and for face peirceings to be free since it is your appearance same as tattoos and for there to only be sleep wear party wear and swimsuit wear not daytime outfit like huh?!?
   
6. For a option to customize where your character is from there job and a list of quotes you can pick for the status occupation and observation sheet especially with all stars for us to be able to say what season we are from
   
7. For us to be able to change or choices without restarting the episodes like I know in the first game I could close out of the game completely and It would take me not to far back into the episode maybe it was a glitch but I miss it especially the time I accidentally choice to go to bed with max instead of Claudia even thought I was conflicted I had to waste a pass on that one decision and it happend again too
   
8. For better and new challenges its like they now recycle old challenges they even had two couple goals for this year I mean it gets boring especially when you are either not in the challenge at all it causes unnecessary drama or you can't win cause it forces the girl that doesn't like you to win its stupid I miss the old challenges mostly from season 1 & 2 so much especially when it was just to get to know the group
   
9. No more MC being a bombshell cause unless its for us to be the first one but even then it makes the story WAYYY shorter and then you have the problem now of people saying "hey I got the tea on something that happend before you got here thats not gonna matter in the story at all"
   
10. No more gem choices when it comes to finding out about the villa its annoying and the so called "tea" they have is useless or just stuff that's flat out unnecessary but that 50% of the game play
    
11. To have more personality and branches FB is just being lazy at this point with even different Characters having copied and pasted scenes where's the love there needs to be more branches and decisions and no more of that weird box thing with whip cream in it like 😑.....BFFR
    
12. For them to bring back days I loved when in the old game that they had three episodes in 1 day and we had way more episodes from that cause it was 30 days pretty much a month so you felt like you were there and overall had a real connection with the characters
    
13. Fro the characters to not be SO OBSESSED WITH YOU like I want it to be like season 2 where you had multiple LI's but they weren't so obsessed and the people who weren't wasn't mean or turn into you enemy
    
14. For no unnecessary drama or for some drama to not involve us like lottie vr Priya and how you could take sides or be in the middle or like that thing with Gary and the secret kiss with lottie or the one that you can have with him stuff that actually is worth it
    
15. TO 👏 BRING 👏 BACK 👏 MUSIC!!! I missed the amounts of songs that went into the game that also fit the mood and was overall a bop I miss the nostalgia of the times I would stay up all night playing love island and when it was the morning the sun flowed threw the curtains and the morning song from season two would play and I would feel so refreshing and those were warm memories and it added to the story not just the same bum bum bumbum like noooooo
    
16. There doing great with the smexual scenes but I wish for it to be better like just say it its not that hard
    
17. And finally to have special reunions like the wedding and Chelseas murder preferably the mystery one because it was longer and really fun and also had so many branches it was crazy now I love the beautiful scenes in the boat party but I didn't like us having to fix our relationship or leave them waste of gems too and the Christmas party was kinda boring but overall I loved the special reunions
    

This game has so many flaw and we all wish to have the 1st game again if only it was still here hopefully we get it back with zero changes but these are mine I hope you like them💖🏝💫

So we all know there already about to drop the new season and its gonna be all stars I'm sighing right now cause we can all predict this so these are my changes and what I would do with this season and the overall game.

1. To have the option for a boy and a girl and more than two different body type and for one skin color not have more definition than a darker one (yeah I'm talking to you season 8)
   
2. To have more hair options and have at least 8 of them be FREE cause why is only one SHORT hairstyle free in season 7 and only two in season 9 mor black hairstyles of different types of hair cause I want more options since I am black and I atleast want one to be free and more fun straight hairstyles
   
3. For more different styles of clothing almost like the did in season 4 and somewhat 5 where you can have y2k or glam or goth or street style cottage core that type of stuff have at least 5 outfits for free in each different style
   
4. More tattoo choices that are free or atleast don't cost 16 gems and different types of tattoos not just astrology signs or love and infinity symbols
   
5. More options in general better shoes and for face peirceings to be free since it is your appearance same as tattoos and for there to only be sleep wear party wear and swimsuit wear not daytime outfit like huh?!?
   
6. For a option to customize where your character is from there job and a list of quotes you can pick for the status occupation and observation sheet especially with all stars for us to be able to say what season we are from
   
7. For us to be able to change or choices without restarting the episodes like I know in the first game I could close out of the game completely and It would take me not to far back into the episode maybe it was a glitch but I miss it especially the time I accidentally choice to go to bed with max instead of Claudia even thought I was conflicted I had to waste a pass on that one decision and it happend again too
   
8. For better and new challenges its like they now recycle old challenges they even had two couple goals for this year I mean it gets boring especially when you are either not in the challenge at all it causes unnecessary drama or you can't win cause it forces the girl that doesn't like you to win its stupid I miss the old challenges mostly from season 1 & 2 so much especially when it was just to get to know the group
   
9. No more MC being a bombshell cause unless its for us to be the first one but even then it makes the story WAYYY shorter and then you have the problem now of people saying "hey I got the tea on something that happend before you got here thats not gonna matter in the story at all"
   
10. No more gem choices when it comes to finding out about the villa its annoying and the so called "tea" they have is useless or just stuff that's flat out unnecessary but that 50% of the game play
    
11. To have more personality and branches FB is just being lazy at this point with even different Characters having copied and pasted scenes where's the love there needs to be more branches and decisions and no more of that weird box thing with whip cream in it like 😑.....BFFR
    
12. For them to bring back days I loved when in the old game that they had three episodes in 1 day and we had way more episodes from that cause it was 30 days pretty much a month so you felt like you were there and overall had a real connection with the characters
    
13. Fro the characters to not be SO OBSESSED WITH YOU like I want it to be like season 2 where you had multiple LI's but they weren't so obsessed and the people who weren't wasn't mean or turn into you enemy
    
14. For no unnecessary drama or for some drama to not involve us like lottie vr Priya and how you could take sides or be in the middle or like that thing with Gary and the secret kiss with lottie or the one that you can have with him stuff that actually is worth it
    
15. TO 👏 BRING 👏 BACK 👏 MUSIC!!! I missed the amounts of songs that went into the game that also fit the mood and was overall a bop I miss the nostalgia of the times I would stay up all night playing love island and when it was the morning the sun flowed threw the curtains and the morning song from season two would play and I would feel so refreshing and those were warm memories and it added to the story not just the same bum bum bumbum like noooooo
    
16. There doing great with the smexual scenes but I wish for it to be better like just say it its not that hard
    
17. And finally to have special reunions like the wedding and Chelseas murder preferably the mystery one because it was longer and really fun and also had so many branches it was crazy now I love the beautiful scenes in the boat party but I didn't like us having to fix our relationship or leave them waste of gems too and the Christmas party was kinda boring but overall I loved the special reunions
    

This game has so many flaw and we all wish to have the 1st game again if only it was still here hopefully we get it back with zero changes but these are mine I hope you like them💖🏝💫

My boyfriend and I met at university and we had a very toxic on and off again relationship for 2 years. We finally broke up for real after I found out he slept with his flat mate while on a bender. I found out a year after the fact when I was on his phone searching my name and saw a message come up from a year ago from the girl he slept with asking if he had told me about what happened. My boyfriend had slept with her after me and him had gone on a break due to his excessive drug use but we had decided we would try work through things and see if we could make it work.
We were broken up for 2 years until we reconnected as friends. At this point I was living in a different city and we slowly built up a friendship again which led to him coming to visit me and long story short we got back together. We have been doing semi long distance (he is a 5 hour train journey away) for 2 years now. Our relationship this time round has been really good, really healthy, stable and loving. We had gotten very serious with talks of the future and moving to the same city etc. He had dealt with managing his mental health which in turn helped stop the excessive drug use. I had dealt with my commitment issues and letting someone fully in etc.
My boyfriend has told me yesterday that on a night out last week he ended up going a bender and kissing a girl twice in a club. He first told me she kissed him and tried to downplay the situation. However eventually revealed they kissed twice with the first kiss being mutual. He has also revealed he is struggling with his mental health again and excessively using drugs again and going on benders - often alone in his flat as most of ouhis friends have moved on from this lifestyle.
I am absolutely devastated and so is he. He is extremely sorry and wants to do everything he can to get me back. He wants to go to therapy and drug support etc - which I think is great but doesn’t mean I can be with him nor that we should be together.
It’s a really difficult situation because as much as I am so heartbroken and mad. Hearing him upset just breaks my heart and hearing that he is struggling just makes me want to go into fix it mode. He is also the nicest guy ever which is hard to believe with the stories above but he is the guy everyone would call a nice guy that everyone loves and who has often been quoted a guy ‘who would never do that’. But the facts are that he has and I am just so lost and cried my body weight in tears that I feel numb.
I would love to hear some advise from people who have been through similar situations.
Ps I am dyslexic so very sorry for the terrible writing.

So, this is a really long story, and I apologize in advance. TL;DR at the bottom.
I(20F) have been best friends with Olivia (20F) since we were 11. Since I moved away for school/work, Olivia admittedly doesn’t have much going on in her life. She graduated high school and doesn’t currently have a job, so she spends most of her time online.
Back in April 2022, when she turned 18, she started spending most of her time on Omegle. She eventually met this guy: Casey (22M).
She “immediately knew something was different” about Casey, because he was attracted to her without knowing what she looked like, and that made him better to her than every other guy she talked to, because he could have a conversation with her first. After that first conversation, they started “talking” on Snapchat, and a week later, they were online dating. It went okay for a week, but then he started ghosting her. He used the excuse that he was busy with his job, depressed, and he couldn’t bring himself to “use his phone constantly.”
Olivia is the type of person that when a guy says something like that, she’s going to devote her time to checking up on him daily—sending him memes and quotes, reminding him to keep his head up, and letting him know that she’s there when he’s ready to talk. After two weeks of this ghosting, he finally responded and told her he wanted to break up, because he “couldn’t handle a relationship right now.” BUT, great news, he’d (obviously) still love to be online friends (with benefits).
Their dynamic from there on got worse. He would ask her for an exorbitant amount of nude pictures and videos and constantly gaslight her if she wasn’t willing. He said thousands of horrible things (once he even told her he was better than her because he's white). He would tell her about all his insane one-night stands he was having all the time, even though he knew she still had feelings for him. Honestly, I don’t rememberthe rest of the bad things he did, but it really just boils down to him using her and being horrible.
Throughout their entire "friendship", one random girl kept trying to follow and talk to Olivia. When she asked Casey if he knew who this girl was, he told her it was his “psycho” ex who tried to ruin his life.
Tsuki (19F), according to him, had been obsessed with him ever since she got diagnosed with cancer, but he told Olivia that she shouldn’t feel bad about it, because she's psychotic and he wasn’t interested in her. Tsuki kept trying to talk to her, and because of what Casey said, Olivia kept blocking her every time she tried to initiate anything.
In January 2023, Casey tried to stop talking to Olivia. He would do this constantly; telling her they couldn’t talk anymore, or just randomly ghosting her, but then suddenly changing his mind, and she’d just go along with it and take him back. So they stopped talking, and then Tsuki tried to follow Olivia on a different account. Of course, she blocked her again, but I (honestly and regretfully) overstepped my role and messaged Tsuki. I asked her why she kept trying to follow Olivia, and she told me she’d been dating Casey since 2021, and was trying to figure out if he was cheating on her.
I told my friend all of this, she confronted both Tsuki and Casey and for some reason, both girls started this weird friendship-competition where they complained about him, but simultaneously tried to one-up each other to prove that he loved one of them more. But, of course, both refused to stop talking to him. Eventually, I convinced Olivia to stop talking to him, and let him stay with his girlfriend, since she didn’t want to and was not going to leave. Everything was calm for a while until he decided to text Olivia again, because Tsuki apparently got admitted to the hospital, and he got “scared she was going to die.” Olivia felt bad because she thought he seemed genuinely “sad and afraid,” so she wanted to be there to comfort him. I tried my best to tell her it was a bad idea, but I knew I couldn’t do much to stop her, and I couldn’t bring myself to text a dying girl in the hospital to tell her that her boyfriend was cheating on her AGAIN.
During this time, my friend started talking to a different guy, one who was actually in person. Not to make her situation even worse, but the guy she started talking to was one of her friend’s unrequited crush, who had kept leading Olivia’s friend on. This is when I realized truly that Olivia had no morals, especially when it came to men. She always claims she doesn’t owe the women in men’s lives anything, and she can’t help if they’re attracted to her, and she’s always going to be nice to them anyways even if they’re trying to cheat with her. In this time period, she decides to talk to this other guy and Casey simultaneously.
By September 2023, Tsuki had been out of the hospital for a while, and their “comfort” relationship was back to a friends-with-benefits situation. Olivia suddenly got jealous of Tsuki and the fact that Casey was hiding her from his (literal) girlfriend again. She gave him an ultimatum to “follow her on Instagram” (I’m so serious) or stop talking to her, because not following her would mean he was choosing Tsuki. Obviously, he chose Tsuki, left Olivia alone, and blocked her. She wasn’t that upset over it because she just decided to cope and focus all her attention on the other guy.
In March 2024, coincidentally (and really tragically), that other guy ended up also having a girlfriend, who ended up messaging Olivia because she found Olivia’s pictures in his phone. A week after that situation happened, she told me that Casey “suddenly” texted her. He told her this entire spiel about how he and Tsuki hadn’t talked in months, he deleted all social media, and he was healing and wanted to do better. She believed this, but I didn’t, and I (again overstepped, my bad) texted Tsuki and told her. Tsuki told me they never stopped talking, and he was trying to get her to marry him and had dedicated all his social media accounts to posting and matching with her. Olivia got really mad at me. She thought it had nothing to do with me and I was “messy” for getting involved, but I couldn’t let her do this again. When Casey realized Tsuki found out, he blocked Olivia again and apologized for “bothering her.”
She stopped being mad at me, but she started acting weird. Right after, I started having my own issues with a guy I was seeing during that time, and she started projecting onto me. She said the guy obviously didn’t like me enough and called me desperate for still talking to him and I needed to get self respect and she was tired of hearing me talk about him. We got in ANOTHER fight, and somehow, I ended up being the perpetrator and apologized to her, because I didn’t “communicate” well enough with her about why I was upset and ended up just being dry. Two days right after this, Tsuki texted me, asking if Casey was talking to Olivia again. I asked Olivia, and she said no. She also, in that same conversation, called Tsuki sad for texting me when Casey wasn’t even her “real boyfriend.” I ignored this comment (stupidly) and forgot about the situation.
3-4 weeks later, Tsuki texted me again and told me to tell Olivia (because I’m the third person in this now) that Casey was lying to her and him and Tsuki were still together. I was confused about all this, obviously, because Olivia didn’t tell me she was in contact with him again, and Tsuki showed me a screenshot of a playlist that he made (for some reason publicly) with Olivia’s name as the title. I asked Olivia about this, and she told me that, yes, they’re talking, but it’s “platonic,” and he’s really changed. He said that he and Tsuki aren’t talking, but if Tsuki finds out he and Olivia are “friends” again, she’ll “get obsessed,” so I need to not interfere.
After this, I told her I was done with her. She tried defending herself, saying she just liked having Casey around as a friend, and he was the one person in the world who really got her, who she could be herself around. She genuinely didn’t think she did anything wrong, and it’s not like she had a physically sexual relationship with Casey or that he and Tsuki were “actually together.”
I’ve been ignoring her since she said that, and I feel really conflicted. We’ve been friends for almost 10 years, and her behavior over the past 2 years, is so strange that I don’t know if she’s just going through a phase. In one of her messages to me over the past few days, she said that I’m being dramatic, I don't understand the thing that she and Casey have, and even though I don’t like Casey, whatever she does with him, still doesn’t have anything to do with me. I’m incredibly disgusted by her, but I just don’t know what to do. I know it’s wrong of me to ignore her, but I just have no idea what to even say to her, even though I want to say something at least. I don’t want to be the type of person that makes someone choose, and even if she chooses me and finally leaves Casey alone, it’ll just feel like she was forced to, or she can always just hide it from me again. She already knew that I didn’t like her talking to him, but she obviously never respected my opinion or feelings enough to care. I really don’t know if I’m actually being dramatic and if her love life is not my business, but I just feel so lost because I also feel like I’m judging her so hard, and I know I’m really one of the only female friends she has left, so I just feel like an asshole for leaving her over a relationship I’m not even apart of.
TL;DR: My friend Olivia keeps going back to this guy Casey, who’s a chronic cheater on his girlfriend Tsuki, and I don’t want to support someone who’s willing to be with a cheater, but I don’t know what to say to end it with to a friend that I’ve known so long, or if the situation with her love life is not my business like Olivia believes it’s not. Am I the asshole?

So long story short me and my fiancé met in 2022 we broke up a couple times before, and we now have a baby (M-8 months) we got engaged April 27th this year. Now before we even found out I was pregnant he wanted to do a poly relationship, and I wanted to make him happy but I wasn’t interested in it for the fact of I would get no say so in who our third person would be, it would be entirely up to him. So after we had our son it came back up again and I told him that if anything I would prefer an open relationship because then it wouldn’t really matter what I thought of his other partner. And he agreed that this sounded like a fair agreement.
Now the complicated part is that it’s also something I’m interested in, the open relationship, don’t get me wrong I love my fiancé more than anything he’s my entire world, but I have done an open relationship before with one of my ex’s and it was one of the best relationships I’d been in up to that point, and so it is something I am interested in trying out. But my fiancé has said, and I quote, “I know it’s kind of hypocritical, but I don’t want to share you with anyone” so I have not brought up the fact that it’s something I’m interested in as well.
Now I’ve helped my fiancé get set up on an app so he can look for another partner and he hasn’t really talked to anyone yet, he did have someone in mind that he wanted to be his other partner when we first talked about it, and I was fine with that, but come to find out this girl was not the person he thought she was so he decided against her.
But I’m scared to tell my fiancé that I feel the same way as he does, as in I’d like to try the open relationship. I’m scared that he’d be mad at me which would be kind of hypocritical, as he’d said before.
What should I do? Should I just come out and express my feelings? Or should I just drop the whole thing and let it be as it is?
TLDR: my fiancé wants to do an open relationship, and I’m okay with that, I want to look into it as well but he “doesn’t want to share me” should I express my feelings to him?

PAYPAL INVOICE ONLY timestamp + tagged photos: https://imgur.com/a/FyrcdPM (disregard the white sweater in the top left) Hey, I want to sell a bunch of hoodies and a t-shirt i haven't worn. Rep RS Nebraska Sweater - 20€ Tried to age it a little, probably budget batch - never worn - Size 1 RETAIL Chambre de Couture White Cross Hoodie Size L/XL- 70€ Worn twice - hand-sewn in Germany by one guy, great quality but sadly too short for my tall ass Bust 73,5cm, length 72,5cm (https://chambredecouture.com/products/i\_020-white-on-white-cross-hoodie) RETAIL Chambre de Couture "Fantasy Shirt" Size XL - 25€ Not even worn once - same as 2. (forgot to send back lmao) Bust 67cm, Length about 69cm (Feels much shorter than 75cm, will have to remeasure) (https://chambredecouture.com/products/i\_022-fantasy-shirt?variant=47598990819651) RETAIL Sacralite Hoodie Size XXL - 35€ Worn a few times - too short for me aswell Bust 73cm, Length 70cm RETAIL Chambre de Couture "i_000" Zip Hoodie Size L/XL - 100€ Honestly I only bought this with the intention of having it, back then I LOVED this Zipper, I wore it once though, then never again. It's too nice to have it laying around and would love to give it to someone that is able to style it (since I wasn't able to) - Retail Price was 150€ - only a few were made, since it was a new beginning for the brand and the owner of it. (https://chambredecouture.com/products/test-produkt) You can take them all for 200€ all-in (50€ less, Shipping in Germany included) Shipping in Germany for a single piece is 5,49€, contact me for quotes to other countrys. If you have any remaining questions, please don't hesitate to contact me :)

PAYPAL INVOICE ONLY
timestamp + tagged photos: https://imgur.com/a/FyrcdPM (disregard the white sweater in the top left)
Hey, I want to sell a bunch of hoodies and a t-shirt i haven't worn.

1. Rep RS Nebraska Sweater - 20€ Tried to age it a little, probably budget batch - never worn - Size 1
2. RETAIL Chambre de Couture White Cross Hoodie Size L/XL- 70€ Worn twice - hand-sewn in Germany by one guy, great quality but sadly too short for my tall ass Bust 73,5cm, length 72,5cm (https://chambredecouture.com/products/i_020-white-on-white-cross-hoodie)
3. RETAIL Chambre de Couture "Fantasy Shirt" Size XL - 25€ Not even worn once - same as 2. (forgot to send back lmao) Bust 67cm, Length about 69cm (Feels much shorter than 75cm, will have to remeasure) (https://chambredecouture.com/products/i_022-fantasy-shirt?variant=47598990819651)
4. RETAIL Sacralite Hoodie Size XXL - 35€ Worn a few times - too short for me aswell Bust 73cm, Length 70cm
5. RETAIL Chambre de Couture "i_000" Zip Hoodie Size L/XL - 100€ Honestly I only bought this with the intention of having it, back then I LOVED this Zipper, I wore it once though, then never again. It's too nice to have it laying around and would love to give it to someone that is able to style it (since I wasn't able to) - Retail Price was 150€ - only a few were made, since it was a new beginning for the brand and the owner of it. (https://chambredecouture.com/products/test-produkt)

You can take them all for 200€ all-in (50€ less, Shipping in Germany included)
Shipping in Germany for a single piece is 5,49€, contact me for quotes to other countrys.
If you have any remaining questions, please don't hesitate to contact me :)

Context/Preface: This will be a very, very long seires of posts documenting my emotions and experiences in D.C over the past 4 days. In those 4 days combined, I had at most an hour of free time to relax. It was a very packed schedule, I was very tired all the time, and I might misremember some stuff. I'll leave a quick summary of my feelings below this so you don't have to read the entire thing. I originally planned on including all 4 days in this post, but it'd be way too long, so I'm only making the first day for now. The other parts will be linked here when I'm done writing them!
Summary: I have absolutely nothing negative to say about DC itself, or the areas surrounding it. It's one of the most beautiful cities I've ever been to—so rich in history, art, and humanity that I can picture nowhere else in my mind but DC as the right place for the capital city of the United States. The only issues I had were my own tour group and others—and they weren't big issues anyway. I am so lucky to have seen it and to have enjoyed it the way I did. On the more minor, petty stuff: D.C is more walkable than LA (the city I live in), your drivers are way better, and I didn't have to deal with LA people for a few days, so it's great!
Day 1:
The first thing I noticed after landing in Dulles was the humidity and heat. Leaving the air conditioned metal tube I was in for the last 6 hours straight into 31°C heat and choking humidity would have made me extremely uncomfortable if it didn't feel like home. This summer weather is identical to my home city in Turkey, Adana; even down to the random thunderstorms and rain. My tour group stayed together, we waited about an hour for our baggage, and then we left to our bus to relax at Dave and Busters. This was the hour of relaxation I previously mentioned. We ate and played some arcade games, not much to mention.
Once that was done; we drove to our tour guide im Crystal City to pick him up. I'm gonna spend the next paragraph saying nothing but good things about him on the off-chance he reads this (and also because he was just a really good tour guide).
Our guide, Lane, was a very, very pleasant guy to be around. When I picture a tour guide in my head it's usually some kind of very fake-cheerful, 40-something person who contemplates quitting every time they have a tour bus full of teenagers to take care of. Lane is the opposite. He's in college, he's only a few years older than me, and he's very charismatic. He knows how to make very deadpan jokes and keep a straight face, he played practical jokes on a few of my classmates, he had no shortage of trivia and little bits of knowledge about the places we visited, and he was even open for casual conversation as well. I could not have had a better tour guide.
Our stop was the National Mall to visit the MLK Memorial, FDR Memorial, and Jefferson Memorial.
Now, our route took us through the road next to the Pentagon. I feel like people who have not been next to it do not realize how massive it is, aerial photos do not do it justice. It is one of the largest buildings I've ever seen, I think it'd take me a full hour to jog a circle around it. It is jaw-droppingly huge.
When we finally got to the MLK Memorial, the first thing I noticed was the humidity and heat, again. I know I mentioned this before, but it was starting to get dark, and it was still hot and humid. When I said this was identical to Adana, I was not kidding. You can compare the forecasts for both cities on the 26th, they are identical. They're both on top of swampland, so it makes sense to me.
The memorial itself made me realize that this trip was going to be something special. The sculpture of MLK proper is already stunning on its own. He's almost staring down the Jefferson memorial, arms crossed in silent disappointment. He's very imposing and, in a way, kind of handsome. Hand carving him into solid granite must have taken a very long time, and the symbolism of his legs not being finished didn't escape me.
The walls behind him with his quotes were also very thought-provoking. If you read the dates attached to them, they are not old at all. He said these while color film was a thing. It's kind of strange how we only see him in black and white.
Next order of business was what my tour guide called the "intelligence test," a path next to the Tidal Basin that leads to the FDR Memorial. As anyone who has walked this specific path would know, there is no fencing, and many people are walking it at any given time. The "test" is not falling into the absolutely disgusting and murky freshwater to your left. All of us passed! (not with flying colors, some people were standing way too close to the edge for comfort.)
The FDR Memorial itself is probably one of the most beautiful sculpture galleries I have ever seen in my entire life. There are so many stunningly thoughtful, creative, and meaningful pieces of sculpture art in the memorial, and some of it is even disability accessible, with braile serving a dual role of being a feature of the sculpture artistically and making the sculptures accessible to the blind. There's little stations next to each room that have fully braile writing for the disabled, an AV description button, etc. It's very touching how the memorial for our first disabled president is also one of the most disability-friendly ones in D.C. I think he'd be very happy to see it today.
After touching FDR's finger and petting his dog (their statues, lol), we got back on the bus and walked 5 mins to the Jefferson Memorial.
I have very mixed feelings on this. The building itself is marvelous, the fact that it was hand carved is miraculous even today. A lot of people spent a lot of time and effort making this memorial, and I can't insult it in good conscience with that in mind.
The man inside, however, I have very little love for. Jefferson was a complex individual with an equally complex historical record, but he undeniably owned other human beings, a crime which can never be forgotten nor forgiven for as long as the scars of slavery remain. I felt no sadness or pride looking up at the bronze statue of this man—I felt anger. I wanted this statue to come alive just to see me glare at it, to hear me ask it "Why is there not a statue of your victims instead?" In my mind, every bit of praise for Jefferson's contributions as a founding father should be paired with a condemnation of his complete hypocrisy as a slaveowner. I felt little love for him before, and I feel even less love for him now.
The view of the White House South Lawn was pretty good, though. At least he has that going for him.
With that, we took a photo on the steps of the memorial, and then went on our bus to go to our hotel. The hotel was very nice! I'm glad I did not pay for it out of pocket. The only issue I had with it was that it was 3-4 people to a room, and there were only two beds. I drew the short straw and slept on the armchair for the rest of the trip, but my roommates got me a blanket and I had Benadryl, so it was comfortable enough. With that, I went to bed and prepared for my busy day tomorrow.
PS: Thank you for the overwhelmingly positive response on my last post. I like when people enjoy my writing, it's a passion of mine. If you notice anything about this worth criticizing or if I got something wrong, please let me know. I also took a bunch of photos. If that's something y'all are interested in, let me know as well.