Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, asking about Memantine. If you want, here is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor solo businessman, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or suggestion on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hi,
I have marked most imporant parts as how long I use each meds in what dose, info of me, my questions, supplements used, nootropics thinking of, new meds for panic disorder treatment, plan to quit benzos, advice about Memantine. If you want, there is whole story and treatment:) Thx I have a lifetime nonmedicated ADHD + OCD (will finally have atomoexin in july after like 8 docs) but mainly severe panic disorder since 12/23 caused by badly burning out and not stopping work + too much stress from all sides, mostly family and workspace/company. It started close to xmas and wanted to finish year and worked until my body completely disabled to it to me but right after it came xmas, which is not my fav time of year ending in keeping me in attacks 24/7. Btw Im 29yo man, 193cm, 90kg, sporting, financial advisor self employed, living alone, used to be really busy all the time, multiple addictions behind me mostly because depression (alcohol),pain (kratom) and stimulants bcs its so addictive with adhd :D But I dont abuse anything since 02/23 when I barely survived WD from forced CT a lot of alcohol every day and I want to be healthy and drugs free!
I am currently getting off xanax and on SSRI, starting my new recovery plan below as previous didnt help enough and asking if you know anything that could help me get my full life back sooner I work as I can/want, mostly 2-6 h/day and only from home, going to multiple types of therapy, investing insane money to get recovered and looking for every possible way. I am open for any tip or advice on nootropic, peptide, maybe even SARMs that could help me get over this. Even if you dont have time or dont want to read all previous treatment and new plan and have idea what could help me, write it please. But I have to be careful with anything interacts with SSRI as I will be also on buspar, I have a safe med for serotonin syndrome if needed.. Also if you see gaps or risks in my meds plan, some ideas, useful info or better ways, I will be glad to know it:) Mostly about Memantine - when to use, in which part of protocol it will be most beneficial or what to expect.
I use/tried almost every useful supplement including adaptogens, herbs, expensive vitamins, mushrooms, gotu kola, NAC, tyrosine, inositol and just anything that could be useful + basics use all year. Also have Alpha GPC which made my adhd brain supercomputer before I got beaten but now doesnt work. Tried before noopept and a lot of racetams, idra21 and some more but with no effect and modafinil before with effect, but mostly anxiety, too much concentrating on one thing and severe insomnia.
I am already pretty sure about Agmatine, Sulbutiamine instead of Benfotiamine (any difference?), not sure of Bromantane on ssri (?), 9-me is no go, maybe NALT (?), Theacrine as Im tired from SSRI all the time and too much coffee makes me axnious, maybe Vinpocetine or Uridine triacetate? centrophenoxine? dihexa?
My treatment from december to now:
I had no idea wth is this, told my psychologist what is happening to me and asking many times if its serious and casually replied that is probably from stress. So I treated it as burnout by resting, then removing original causes and triggers, removing problems from my mind and life, reducing stress to minimum, even leaving my pretty good paid job after 9 yers. But nothing helped besides benzos which made me not feel attacks so much and when I went off after 6 weeks, symptoms came back the same day.
I always said no to ADs but this time I didnt see any other option so I got SSRI citalopram 20, later 30mg now 6 weeks, first weeks were hell of anxiety and tiredness, last 2 weeks they help but effect is enough to keep me attack free only at home, outside flat still almost instant PA + side effects are still bad.
Same with benzos now again for 6 weeks afte break from previous cycle, mostly xanax 1,5-2mg a day, when Im home with no problems I can stay on 0,5mg with no WD. But want to quit asap, Im standing on the edge of little discomfort or living hell WDs. Also it makes me dumb, careless and not caring, but dont have cravings or abuse them, until now there was no other medication in my country :/ Also I already had GABA WDs pretty bad from alcohol many times and from phenibut in february by mistake (3 weeks of 2-3x a week before I had benzos). I would rather skip this opportunity to be on boat walking simulator with scary shadowy guy in my bedroom.
Next week I will make a big changes:
Will to add Buspar in small doses to SSRI, probably 30mg citalopram + 2x7,5mg buspar for long term and propranolol over benzos before I leave flat for panic attacks - I have mostly physical symptoms and over these months my brain has learned to go panic mode when I go around people or noise but im not scared, wanting to hide or anxious, want to go out. Hope this will allow me to relearn the BIOS of my brain and body they wont start panicking as it has learned over months of nonstop attack (january until end of april, just moving on scale 1-10 but never off). Propranolon as beta-blocker should not allow my body to go panic defense mode and mental anxiety I can handle now. My mind is still quite ok, not much depressed or in bad mood, last days even thinking a bit sharper and can handle it but body/brain program are stuck. Hope this will allow me over time to get off SSRI to just Buspar + non addictive anxiety aid as needed or at least switch to SNRI or Wellbutrin as im energetic person but with this SSRI im meeeeeeeh all the time.
As propranolon arrives I will cut benzos to lowest dosage where I wont feel WD, probably 0,5mg/day and switch to Clonazepam (have benzos and can ask doc anytime), keep this dose for 2-3 weeks, taper to 0,35mg, wait and this until i go down around 0,2mg/day. Maybe slower if it will be painful or risk worse WDs when i cut them off.
For quitting benzos I have clonidine (WD reduce, camling, ADHD), pregabalin (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure but addictive), baclofen (GABA substance replacement, anti seizure also addictive)), Etifoxine (nonbenzo anxiolytics, I guess mostly PAWS) and Topiramate (seizure and migraine prevention, WD reduce) and Hydroxyzine (sleepy antihistamine nonaddictive) to get off them asap with no risk seizure and suffering for weeks in terrible WDs. I wont use all the aids together but as needed for current symptoms and not get hooked on none of them as only atarax is safe.
Also finally will get ADHD meds atomoxetin, but as I have no energy, even adhd is not so present and clonidine also helps for adhd. And I have found one super special med you will be interested about- Memantine (bgpharm), do you have experiences about this so called miracle drug? It make you feel softly with unlimited brain power, also it shall lower tolerances to almost all substances and by 30-60% over 7-14 days and then make WDs easier + also helps ADHD. But have no idea when to use it in my plan, I got 2 packs and its cheap so can buy more but dont want to mess with getting off bzs and learning to manage going out. Same question with atomoxetin - when to start? its not stimulant so it should not affect attacks nor benzo WD but idk.
Just in case there would be too much serotonin I will have Cyproheptadine for SS. It should not happen from SSRI+Buspiron but some nootropic or WD med can cause it. And just remembered I shall take some ephedrine/yohimbine if my BP or HB goes too slow from propranolon/clonidine... :/
I will still go for checks to doc and psychiatrist but the medical procedures in my country got stuck in time in year when producers of SSRI/benzos gave some gifts for doctors or politics. So they just give you this combo announcing you it will work (didnt) and you wont get addicted in 3 months of xan (would). Also propranolon is not approved med for anxiety in my county, only bzds and buspirone, but after trying several ADs on you :/
Thank you so much for any knowledge you share with me!

Hello, everyone! It's been a while since I posted anything or even visited the sub. I do not visit the sub anymore as I collected all the information I needed long ago and staying on the sub only led to more thinking about flox. Focusing on other areas of life has been a great life hack for me! I have done a lot of positive things in the past half a year - I am starting my own business, been meeting new people and making a lot of new friends. Flox has changed me for the better.
I want to preface this by saying that I was probably the only person (or almost only as I've met maybe 1 or 2 other people on Reddit) who claimed flares from CoQ10. It actually flared me quite a lot — sometimes I could handle 100mg and sometimes even 30mg would lead to terrible pain. It was frightening to be one of the rarest cases in a pool of already rare cases, so, naturally, I tracked reactions to supplements extremely attentively (u/vadroqvertical won’t let me lie about that) and I have tried a lot (my cupboard is full of supplements — I spent around €3,500 on them in the span of 1.5 years). I will list reactions to supplements and the approximate timeline of when it happened:
— First of all, CoQ10/Ubiquinol flared me not so much 1 month out (tried 100mg ubiquinol multiple times) but it got worse as time went on to the point that April 2023 I could not even take 30mg without great pain. I tried it 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 16 months out all without luck with varying doses flaring me to different extents. I will outline the reasons for it below;
— Vitamin E flared me a lot 2, 4, 6 and 8 months out. Never tried again. Tried 200-400 IU at a time. Due to poor GSH regeneration through Glutathione Reductase dependent upon B2 and NADPH;
— Benfothiamine flared me as well (doses 150mg-300mg/day). This is due to high sulphite and blockage of complex IV of the Electron Transport Chain in the mitochondria the reason for I will explain further. Thiamine is easily broken down by sulphite in the body and it is broken down into sulphite as well, which causes a negative loop reaction in people with high sulphite levels. Benfothiamine also caused me a severe allergic reaction (extreme anxiety and itching) that gladly did not require hospitalisation but was extremely scary and scarred me psychologically (likely high sulfocysteine activated NMDA receptors);
— Vitamin B6 increased my neuropathy when I got it. Likely due to poor B2 functional status. The problem I was also deficient in B6 and its supplementation led to great improvements in sleep quality once I could tolerate it. Note B6 is easily destroyed by sulphite just like B1;
— Riboflavin flared me (tried at 100mg, doses under 10mg never flared me). This is likely due to unmatched NADPH supply due to high sulphite load in the body (speculative);
— Astaxanthin greatly improved my physical health at 5-6 months out (proving that the core of my issues was solely ROS) but it caused reductive stress (NADH accumulation), which also caused pain, albeit the pain was a different kind and asta caused worsening neuropathy and visual snow. It accumulates in fat tissue, so stopping it was nice with ROS coming to a balance at about 10-12 days after discontinuation (after a loading dose of 36mg/daily for 3.5 weeks) but ROS then came back after it went out of the body further. I did not retry astaxanthin as I realised it caused me reductive stress and neurological issues;
— NAC helped me a damn lot. It was the best antioxidant for me. The problem is it depleted my molybdenum and copper and started giving me allergic reactions (low molybdenum + copper as well as blocked complex IV will lead to way higher sulphite generated from NAC);
— Did not feel much from vitamin D. I live in a very sunny country and tested at 51 (ref. Range 30+) without any supplements;
— Magnesium helped me a lot. #1 supplement;
— Calcium did not help me much in the beginning, actually, caused me heart palpitations. Was fine taking it after a few months;
— Potassium was a good supplement. I took 800mg/day for a while and it supported my muscle health;
— Important: vitamin B5 made me feel a lot better. It took my ROS down like crazy — I could feel normal muscles again, it removed my oxalate pain completely, too but for only a short while like 3-4h.
I have tried many more supplements that were phyto-supplements and such and none of them really helped me beside maybe some placebo effects. Some made me feel worse and were not worth it at all. I did not try anything mood-changing as I was not interested in it. To note, GABA supplement made me feel a little euphoric at first.
It is very relevant that I have been oxalate dumping since 27 Dec. 2023. The description of the experience can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/floxies/comments/1by0uh0/comment/kyma718/
Now, to the real question: why did CoQ10 flare me even at high nutrient status (just after flox). I have to stress that flares from CoQ10 were much less at the beginning of flox likely due to better nutrient status (it went from extremely terrible to slightly more extremely terrible while 6 months out it went from ‘eh’ to terrible).

1. First, I have to say that NAC made me worse long-term. How? Over a long period of time I was taking it and was not watching my copper levels (NAC increases metallothionein and causes poor copper absorption) and molybdenum levels (NAC raises generation of sulfite and it needs molybdenum to be detoxified). Some NAC formulations have molybdenum in them but I was not lucky to get one of those and, due to lack of knowledge, did not supplement any molybdenum. The result was high sulphite and from that high ROS (with a combo of benfo which further increased sulphite it caused me peripheral neuropathy at 5 months). Sulphite causes Fenton reactions when complex IV gets blocked up. H2S (a signalling molecule and a vasodilator) also needs to be detoxified by a CoQ-10 dependent enzyme and turned later into sulphite and then sulphate by molybdenum and complex IV (dependent on copper) and if it is not detoxified, it causes a complex IV blockage and starts Fenton reactions as well as electron leakage during production of ATP, causing ROS. This causes a negative feedback loop that was described in the linked article as follows:

«This can be explained as follows:
1) hydrogen sulfide inhibition of complex IV generates superoxide in the respiratory chain, which becomes hydrogen peroxide,
2) hydrogen sulfide reduces ferric iron to ferrous iron, which makes it release from storage in ferritin,
3) this increases Fenton reactions between free iron and hydrogen peroxide, which generate more dangerous reactive oxygen species like the hydroxyl radical,
4) all of this deplete glutathione,
5) since a major purpose of the trans-sulfuration pathway is to provide enough cysteine to make glutathione, glutathione depletion hyperactivates the trans-sulfuration pathway, leading to more cysteine availability, the excess of which is catabolized to sulfite by alternative reactions that do not produce hydrogen sulfide and therefore do not require CoQ10.»

1. In the article linked below, you will see that CoQ-10 protects against reactive oxygen species mainly due to improving hydrogen sulphide clearance (H2S). Therefore, CoQ-10 deficiency did not cause much ROS in complexes I and II but mainly produced issues in Complex III (where sulphite detoxification starts) and complex IV (where the last electrons are delivered during the sulphite-sulphate reaction). Excerpt: «In human cells with CoQ10 synthesis defects from the same study, CoQ10 protected against reactive oxygen species, but suppressing the enzyme that uses CoQ10 to clear hydrogen sulfide abolished this effect. This shows that the reactive oxygen species were coming from poor hydrogen sulfide clearance.»

Considering this, and oh my god, finding this article was like god sent it to me: my CoQ10 flares were coming from poor hydrogen sulphide clearance. At that point there were multiple reasons this could be happening:

1. Cellular CoQ-10 deficiency;
   
2. Manganese toxicity;
   
3. Copper deficiency;
   
4. Molybdenum deficiency;
   
5. SUOX (enzyme which converts sulphite to sulphate) or another genetic impairment;
   
6. Blockage of complex IV by something else.
   

I checked my molybdenum and copper transporting genes, SUOX using DBSNP and my AncestryDNA.txt file, and they were all good (Yes, I know Ancestry does not do a full genomic profile but it still had the main SNPs for that.). I also checked my manganese transporter genes and seemed I was homozygous for an important one but fine with others. It is really hard to estimate how that might affect you IRL, perhaps that would require a real genetic counsellor (or lots of hours spent ruminating again). I also did not think I had any genetic issue since I was very very healthy all my life and had 0 pain or health issues before flox occurred (I have extremely healthy young looking parents that drink, smoke and do whatever they want and have 0 consequences to their health as well).
I took some tests, for example: Genova NutrEval at ~6 months out, full nutrient blood test panel at ~11 months out (abstained for 35 days from any supplements at all, even vitamins and tested literally everything, paid around €1,200) and my CoQ10 levels at both of those occurrences were at 1 & 1.07 in absence of supplementation with ref. Range 0.8-1.4, so it was definitely not low. That way I eliminated #1 and #5. While I was not entirely sure whether genetic issues had to do anything with it, I decided to pretend like they didn’t, since I had to try out other solutions before jumping to the most complex one. I took a lot of molybdenum, so molybdenum deficiency was not at the table for me. In this way I was left with #2, #3 and #6. In the full blood panel, my manganese was slightly high (20.1 with ref. Range <~18) and the SNP people were talking about that caused them manganese toxicity was homozygous for me, so I definitely considered it but manganese when supplemented made me a feel a lot better, actually (mentally, not physically), so I was also likely deficient in it. For now, I just avoid it in supplemental doses but I do not avoid foods containing it. Besides, I do not have iron overload genes that could contribute to manganese toxicity.
I could not take copper because it would lead to high ROS immediately (due to complex IV blockage the reasons for which I will outline further). Considering manganese was likely deficient and not superfluous, I discarded reason #2 and reason #3 could not be fixed by copper, so it was definitely not only copper deficiency but either another factor or another factor coupled with copper deficiency. I was stuck for a long time until I found another article from the same author about B12 and B9 helping to detoxify oxalate. As I said before all this explanation, I have been oxalate dumping throughout the whole process (already 4 months). I should note I was oxalate dumping even before I got floxed (I likely had oxalate overload to my appendix surgery — this is proven by inflamed mesenteric lymph nodes confirmed by 3 MRIs — Sally Norton has the same case of over-absorption in her book) and that is how I actually got the E. Coli they gave me Cipro for (oxalate crystals create a good environment for it in the urinary tract lol) and how I got floxed (I went full circle, lmao). When I was floxed, I was not oxalate dumping for at least a year likely because my body was not in the state to handle the dumping process but it was still affecting me as I will outline further. First of all, I want to say that biotin actually promoted dumping for me as said in the article and not relieved it like it is said in Sally Norton’s book (I am not sure if there is a genetic variation to this). The proposed mechanism of oxalate detoxification in the article is as follows:
«Recall my proposed two-step detoxification process:

1. Pyruvate carboxylase [biotin-dependent] converts oxalate to formate.
   
2. Formate is joined to tetrahydrofolate to enter the methylation cycle, be used for the synthesis of purines or DNA, or be converted to carbon dioxide and exhaled in the breath.»
   

This are also very important words: «There may be more regulation layered on top of this to prevent excessive formate accumulation. It would certainly be preferable to have oxalate crystals cause pain or disrupt the skin than to have formate accumulate beyond the capacity to clear it.» This is why I felt best when dumping. Could eat anything, drink beer, even smoked weed once without issue. Another time though I got too brave, smoked a lot of weed and got a very bad ‘relapse’ but recovered quickly from it. The next morning when using a towel after a shower I had the same pain I used to have 2.5 months out from Cipro (which was extremely bad and took me back 14 months in memories) while before I smoked weed that second time I had almost 0 tendon pain in my daily life apart from oxalate [Here I thought maybe I and DrHungry share similar issues then? He also had an extreme (same in intensity relatively to his flox journey) flare from weed and is also using a lot of sulphur-based antioxidants still. Could such weed flares be related to complex IV dysfunction and/or impaired sulphite clearance?]. In either case, I felt best when dumping, probably because my body was able to regulate formate accumulation and ROS production greatly reduced at those times.
I was sitting outside with my parents and their friends, researching my flox issue when I read these lines: «Formate accumulation is the principle mechanism of methanol toxicity. Part of its toxicity is driven by inhibiting cytochrome oxidase, complex IV of the mitochondrial respiratory chain, which would inhibit the clearance of sulfite and hydrogen sulfide and block the production of ATP.» It finally clicked. It was honestly one of the best moments in my life when I realised. I made the connection between great improvement from B5, formate accumulation, issues with copper supplementation, general ROS improvement and oxalate everything together. Suddenly, my whole flox journey became crystal clear to me.
B5 is mainly used in the body to create Coenzyme A. An intermediate molecule in the production of CoA is called 4’-phosphopantethine and is used in the enzyme 10-methyltetrahydrofolate dehydrogenase (high formate will pair with THF and form 10-MTHF in the attempt of the body to detoxify formate). This enzyme converts 10-MTHF back to THF and creates NADPH in the process which is used by Glutathione Reductase to regenerate Glutathione. Hence, high-dose B5 led to a lot of those reactions occurring and me feeling a big relief from ROS AND OXALATE, so oxalate is indeed detoxified into formate by biotin-dependent pyruvate carboxylase.
Okay, so theory is very interesting but what is theory if it has no proof? When I read it, I realised I finally cracked my flox but I had to get real proof.
Just a few weeks before this, I drank some wine and got nerve damage (likely from high sulphites in it, again, duh — while this was a terrible experience, it played a role in me getting closer to the solution of my issues). Beer caused me no issues, could drink 10 or more bottles in one sitting, eat a lot of rice with no issue. Before, I had only numb hands and top of feet. After the wine, I had burning up to the knee and burning in palms and behind my shoulders. I got fed up with this, I just decided to methylate the fuck out of my nerves and eat copper not in supplements but from calamari (very high in copper but low in vit A, so no toxicity risk like from liver). At that time, I was dumping and my ROS was not too high. I started consuming around 200g protein per day, eating a lot of copper 3-4mg/day and my nerves really healed a lot. To the point they even became normal after 3-4 days. My vision became brighter, it was absolutely crazy. I was also supplementing 150mg molybdenum/day. After a week of that, though, I started getting ROS back and it was very bad ROS, like almost a year ago when I had low molybdenum and copper from a lot of NAC use. That confirmed my suspicion that my issue was indeed sulphite. Eating almost anything caused ROS for me, dumping stopped since the body had no free reducing agents (NADPH) to support sulphate-producing enzymes (oxalate is transported on sulphate transporters, so it literally could not drive out of the cell because it had no car lol). As you understand, high ROS prevents a lot of enzymes from working and here it causes, as you have probably understood, a negative feedback loop.
So, back to the proof. Since I realised that my issue is probably formate, I just decided to take high-dose B5 again (did not add any high dose B2, B1 or other B vitamins, just took my usual B complex with food). It really helped me a lot, again. I felt almost normal. Then, it caused me some pain but I felt how I was getting better and the next day I took it in the day, then in the evening I ate around 80g carbs and took double the dose of B complex (my B complex has low doses: 10mg B1, 10mg B2, 25mg B3, 20mg B5, 5mg B6, 100mcg B7, 100mcg B9, 50mcg B12) instead of adding a lot of B5 and boom, no pain and oxalate dumping restarted quite more strongly than it even used to be before megadosing protein. So I was in pain for at least 2 weeks dying from ROS and then 2 days of B5 and suddenly I was normal again? It felt like paradise. The next day, I went out with my friends. I was a little nervous since we were going to eat out and we ordered 600g of carbonara (the portions here were huge there). I ate it all at once with 2x my light B complex and guess what happened? NO PAIN, just oxalate dumping. I finally realised that I was right and detoxified formate unloaded my complex IV, allowed sulphate transporters to be created, reduced ROS production from food and suddenly I felt like a normal human being (except the dumping part). I recently retried CoQ10 — no flare. Likely before formate got recreated a lot because I was dumping a lot (if you read my comment, you will understand).
I am not megadosing B5 right now but just stuck to 80-100mg B5 per day, so 4x my light B complex as my B6 tolerance improved a lot. Why I am not megadosing B5 is because oxalate likely blocks conversion of vitamin B2 into its active forms as I at ~11 months out when I did full-testing in the absence of supplementation 35 pre-testing had high molybdenum, iodine, (almost above the ref. Range (113 with ref. Range <120) selenium and very high B2 even though I was cellularly deficient according to Genova NutrEval (at 356 with ref. Range <295).
Hence, we can understand what happened to me from the beginning:

1. Oxalate overload led to formate overload as oxalate is converted to formate through the action of biotin-dependent pyruvate carboxylase;
   
2. Formate overload led to complex IV blockage, high ROS and high sulphite, which also leads to high ROS and also leads to complex IV blockage (negative feedback loop);
   
3. High sulphite destroys vitamins B1&B6 as said in the beginning, which caused endogenous production of oxalate to skyrocket (you can read about this if you google, this information is very available);
   
4. Hence sulphate transporters also got impaired, oxalate detoxification in the form of physical crystals also halted, which led to even higher overload;
   
5. This led to higher formate, this led to even more ROS.
   

Mega-dosing B vitamins and especially B5 and B9 led to formate detoxification and the ability of my body to detoxify oxalate. This improved me a lot and it definitely feels like it will inevitably lead to my recovery. I feel good now, I still have some remaining neuropathy but it’s minimal and I know what to avoid to not make it worse and how to improve it quickly if I need to. I have no OS from beer, coffee or food. Also, I am dumping a lot right now. You can ask me all kinds of questions that you want and I will try to answer them to my best ability since I know what it is like to be floxed and I will help anyone who is in the same situation. I am only 22 years old and this experience led to me rethinking my whole life. I plan to become an extremely rich person to be able to fund biochemical research in the future and will focus specifically on floxed individuals and I will help floxed people first. I will try to reach my goals as fast as possible, I promise.
I hope this post does not get removed by moderators. If there is anything to moderate, change, or add, I will be happy to do that. All I say here is very attentively selected and fact-checked either from external sources or personal experience. I do not lie and have no motivation to do so. I am only trying to share my knowledge and to help realise others flox is not unbeatable and can be understood and solved — it all depends on individual factors.
Linked articles:
Manganese Toxicity Is a CoQ10 Deficiency
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/manganese-toxicity-is-a-coq10-deficiency
CoQ10 Deficiency Is Sulfur Toxicity
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substa2ck.com/p/coq10-deficiency-is-sulfur-toxicity?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader
10-Formyltetrahydrofolate dehydrogenase
https://lpi.oregonstate.edu/mic/vitamins/pantothenic-acid#formyltetrahydrofolate-dehydrogenase
Can Biotin Help Detoxify Oxalate?
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/can-biotin-help-detoxify-oxalate
Can B12 and Folate Help Detoxify Oxalate?
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/can-b12-and-folate-help-detoxify

So I (29F) have been with my partner (30M) for a little over 4 years. You know the honeymoon phase? It lasted a lot longer than usual. I feel really comfortable with him, and can’t see myself with anyone else.
Here comes 2022, the intimacy starts to decline. 2023 rolls around and we haven’t had sex in a year. He won’t even make out with me like he used to. I’m sober, he’s not. He drinks and does other things (coke) on the weekends. He’s also on an SSRI (for anxiety). At the beginning of our lack of sex, I chalked it up to that.
Fast forward to this year. I keep bugging him about sex. I want it. I’m sober, I don’t have too many things to pour my energy into, and I have needs. I asked if he could just make out with me like he used to, but he said something along the lines of “that’s childish”. Whatever. He says he’ll have sex with me, but when the opportunity rises he’s “too tired” or “so stoned”.
He did crack a couple weeks ago, but I was doing the work since he jacked up his leg, so it felt very one sided. (I like effort). He also said he wasn’t a fan of the peach hairs on my bottom which made me really insecure, so I shaved them.
I tried to snuggle up on him this past Sunday, but I got the same tired excuse.
Here I am today/tonight. I peeped through his phone and saw he’s been looking at porn. 3 days after us having sex. Here are some dates (I want to know if this is an excessive amount) 4/24 4/28 4/29 5/1 5/4 5/8 5/12 And literally this afternoon while he was at work.
I’m feeling very low. And he was sleeping, but I nudged him awake to mention it (bad choice I know). He said I’m “being a baby” and I’m “weird for waking him up for that”.
I really feel like he’s just with me because he feels bad. We live together in his family’s house. I don’t really have anything to my name except a job.
It also feels like he tries to leverage things with money. His grandma gave me her old car. He got me a lawyer for an old case. He paid for emergency dental surgery when I had an infection, etc. so I know he cares about me a little. (Or maybe he’s doing this to prove he’s a “nice guy”).
Eveytime I talk about the sex thing he says “look at the bigger picture, sex isn’t everything” or “I see a future with you”.
But I have a feeling he’s not at all attracted to me anymore.
TL:DR my boyfriend won’t have sex with me. He watches p0rn instead.

So I (29F) have been with my partner (30M) for a little over 4 years. You know the honeymoon phase? It lasted a lot longer than usual. I feel really comfortable with him, and can’t see myself with anyone else.
Here comes 2022, the intimacy starts to decline. 2023 rolls around and we haven’t had sex in a year. He won’t even make out with me like he used to. I’m sober, he’s not. He drinks and does other things (coke) on the weekends. He’s also on an SSRI (for anxiety). At the beginning of our lack of sex, I chalked it up to that.
Fast forward to this year. I keep bugging him about sex. I want it. I’m sober, I don’t have too many things to pour my energy into, and I have needs. I asked if he could just make out with me like he used to, but he said something along the lines of “that’s childish”. Whatever. He says he’ll have sex with me, but when the opportunity rises he’s “too tired” or “so stoned”.
He did crack a couple weeks ago, but I was doing the work since he jacked up his leg, so it felt very one sided. (I like effort). He also said he wasn’t a fan of the peach hairs on my bottom which made me really insecure, so I shaved them.
I tried to snuggle up on him this past Sunday, but I got the same tired excuse.
Here I am today/tonight. I peeped through his phone and saw he’s been looking at porn. 3 days after us having sex. Here are some dates (I want to know if this is an excessive amount) 4/24 4/28 4/29 5/1 5/4 5/8 5/12 And literally this afternoon while he was at work.
I’m feeling very low. And he was sleeping, but I nudged him awake to mention it (bad choice I know). He said I’m “being a baby” and I’m “weird for waking him up for that”.
I really feel like he’s just with me because he feels bad. We live together in his family’s house. I don’t really have anything to my name except a job.
It also feels like he tries to leverage things with money. His grandma gave me her old car. He got me a lawyer for an old case. He paid for emergency dental surgery when I had an infection, etc. so I know he cares about me a little. (Or maybe he’s doing this to prove he’s a “nice guy”).
Eveytime I talk about the sex thing he says “look at the bigger picture, sex isn’t everything” or “I see a future with you”.
But I have a feeling he’s not at all attracted to me anymore.
Sorry for the novel.

My NP has me on Pristiq and Prozac.

I'm 33 male non smoker no risk factor.4 years with anxiety, panick attacks and depresion.I lost my father 5 year ago from heart disse.Everything started 4 year ago with some sharp chest pain,back pain,arm pain and I was freaking that I have heart attack or some heart disease and i started to feel every body sensation and to have anxiety. I visited ER and couple of cardiologist,done numerous test and my heart was fine.They check everything and all tests were normal. I got advice to visit therapist.He diagnosed me with anxiety and depression and give me diazepam and escitalopram.I was two year on therapy then slowly lower my doses.I quit escitalopram 4 months ago,but I still have panick attacks.I take diazepam and after 1 hour I'm fine.Now without escitalopram I got my problem back .My hypochondria are back.Chest pains are back and even more intensive.I have pain in my left hand and my back,dizziness,nausea,chills.Every symptoms for heart attack.When I got this episode I take diazepam and after 1 hour I'm ok.My doc didn't want to hear me about heart tests again, cardiologist told me to not waste his time. I'm desperate and I struggle a lot.Right now I have anxiety attack(chest pain,back pain,dizzines,heartbeat,cold sweat).I got better while I'm writing this post but I know that tomorrow I will have another episode.Benzo and SSRI together give me 30 kg weight for the last 2 years.Anyone with similar anxiety?

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Memory Transcription Subject: Elias Meier, Former UN Secretary-General
Date [standardized human time]: July 13, 2160
The irritability coursing through my psyche was palpable. Every sound was dialed up to eleven, stabbing at the core of my sensory processing. Constant awareness grated on me after days without sleep, never having any break from the stream of information I needed to digest. There was no way to shut the world off and reset, and no reprieve from the unsettling reality of my physical experience. I was curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth; I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go on like this.
Virnt scuttled over to me in the spaceship, jostling my shoulder. “Elias? Would you like to turn back from this mission?”
I remembered how I’d spent most of the trip, standing under the water in the shower. There was a special shampoo they’d provided for synthetic hair, like a wig. I held out my phony hand and emptied most of the bottle’s worth of goop, zoning out; I was trying to soak in the distant sensation of liquid running down my spine. Once upon a time, this had been the most relaxing time of my day—letting muscle tension fade away and cleansing grimy skin oils. Now, I knew neither of those two still existed in my day-to-day life to assuage.
Did it even matter to slap soap on some metal frame? There were no consequences of letting hygiene go by the wayside. I didn’t sweat in order to start to reek, and I couldn’t get skin conditions or be affected by bacteria. It could be that I was bathing out of habit, clinging to my old lifestyle, that I kept going to wash up. Perhaps the shower had become my favorite haunt because I felt disgusting in this body. Everything was a reminder that I was an inhuman scrap pile, and it was wearing on my sanity. It wasn’t like anyone related to what I was going through.
I used to spend so much time fussing over making my suits look crisp and perfect—immaculate ties, UN pins adjusted just right. The heavy jackets would trap my body heat in the summer; now, it no longer had that effect. I could bundle up as much as I wanted in 40 degree Celsius heat, unless there was some limit that would fry my circuits. Shit, I might not need a spacesuit in the vacuum of space—I couldn’t freeze or suffocate, after all. Being left out in the void for all eternity didn’t sound that much different from my present experience.
I hate what I’ve become. I hate what they’ve done to me; all I do is think, and every part of my new self lives in the uncanny valley. There’s nothing positive. Maybe it’s time to call it…death was better than this. I can’t bear another day of this hell.
“Hey, stay with me! Distractibility, depression, being unable to maintain concentration—these are natural consequences of sleep deprivation. I’m surprised it carries over without a physical mechanism to grow tired…but I’m working on a sleep suite, I promise,” Virnt said, glossy eyes staring at me.
I groaned. “I’m not tired, but it’s just nonstop. I…I’m having trouble remembering what I read.”
“Here, I’m going to try a temporary fix. You look like you need it. I don’t want you to suffer; just turning you off and on isn’t the same. I’m going to emulate GABA, uh, shut off your optic sensors, decrease the activity in your prefrontal cortex, and simulate delta waves for an hour. We can see if it somewhat fills the need for deep sleep, okay? Relaxation, no processing: worth a shot, right?”
I nodded mutely, staying in the fetal position. I didn’t have the will to move, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up that Virnt’s plan would be any mercy. The sensation of the Tilfish tinkering with my settings was strange, as if my brain was being overridden in the moment. There was no process of falling asleep to give it the air of naturalness. Suddenly, I was blind, trapped in darkness—and a modicum of drowsiness kicked in, limiting my movement. Thoughts died down, offering much-need relief; I faintly wished I could remain in this state.
When I came to, there was a sudden influx of information as the rest mode was switched off; it was hardly a seamless waking, but I’d take it. Peace in my own head was something I’d never take for granted again. I hadn’t thought myself to be a weak-minded individual, but I hadn’t realized how much it wore on you: feeling out of place in your own body every waking second, and not trusting your senses. Brain function had been restored enough that I could get a grip on myself, and rise in my disheveled state. A peek out the window revealed we’d completed our intra-atmosphere transit to the Duerten embassy.
I rubbed my eyes on reflex, but there were no gifts from the Sandman there. “Why couldn’t you have just added everything to start with, Virnt?”
“The humans I talked to said they wouldn’t want to sleep, unless they had to! I put the most focus on your emotional matrix and your facial expressiveness, since I thought that has the highest importance of what makes you human,” the Tilfish replied.
“You could’ve made it at least optional.”
“I sent the option to your holopad for the future, to trigger this program for as long as you’d like. This is a learning process, so I’m sorry for anything that’s off. All trial and error here, but it’s only going to get better! That’s the positive.”
“There are a lot of patches needed. For starters, you’re missing two of the senses: taste and smell. In spite of that, ever since I walked past the Terra Technologies staff eating tater tots, I’ve been craving them at random intervals. I’m not hungry—I can’t consume food!”
“Predator instincts,” Virnt teased. “The Federation was right.”
“I’m serious! Why on Earth would that be a thing? I literally can’t satisfy it, so it’s almost cruel.”
“It’s psychological, Elias. I looked into it after I saw it in your transcript. When humans are under a lot of stress or otherwise feeling down, you seek dopamine from food. It’s something familiar that activated your memories, and promised emotional comfort. That’s why you have the phrase ‘comfort food.’”
“I can already see how the Federation remnants would spin that. A predator’s so-called emotions are tied to food, and stimulate appetite to fulfill their whims.”
“You seem in better spirits. To add to your improved mood, we announced the success of your memory transplant to the world. The response was overwhelmingly positive—history looked back fondly on you. You got a lot of well-wishes, and I was able to get almost all of your social media re-activated. At least, the platforms that are still active.”
“I’m…allowed to share my honest experiences?”
Virnt eased me out of the shuttle, into the sunlight; cameras were waiting, causing me to stiffen. “Of course you can. I’m not here to muzzle you, my friend. Quite the opposite, in fact: I want your experiment documented as thoroughly as possible! You’re the spokesperson for—”
I shielded my face from the reporters, who were lobbing questions. “What is this? I don’t have a prepared statement. This is an ambush.”
“Terra Technologies has a mission of transparency, and improving sapients’ quality of life through digital means. We had to announce such a monumental breakthrough, but you’re under no obligation to speak with them.”
“Good,” a warm voice chimed in from next to me, making me jump. “The poor guy’s come back from the dead, Virnt. Give him a break. He’s here to speak with the Duerten Forum and their ambassador, for some semblance of his old life.”
I turned my head, beaming as I recognized her. “Erin? Oh, sorry: that’s Secretary-General Kuemper, isn’t it? You’ve moved up in the world. The United Nations is in good hands.”
“It’s good to see you, Elias. I bawled my eyes out at your funeral. You cared so much for peace and taking the high road; there isn’t a person out there who could’ve handled first contact with more grace. You inspired me, and an entire generation of future diplomats.”
I embraced Erin, who’d once been a passionate SETI researcher giving me all of the bad news about aliens. As we flailed about in the dark to save humanity and adjust to the galaxy, finally acquiring a few friends, she’d become my Secretary of Alien Affairs. I’d trusted her to do whatever it took to stabilize our extraterrestrial relations. It was a bit of a relief to see a positive reaction from someone I knew; I wasn’t sure how my friends would take my return, but I hadn’t been expecting a welcome with open arms. It brought me solace and comfort to know about the legacy I’d left behind, and the ripple effects my tenure had on the United Nations.
It is strange to see how much she’s aged. That’ll be the reality of anyone that used to be an acquaintance of mine.
The alarm bells pinging in my head faded into the backdrop, and I forgot that the wind gusting against my face only felt like a dull push. My mind slipped away from food cravings that failed to get my mouth to water, how there was no feeling of tightness from my dress shoes, and the stillness of my non-existent diaphragm. I was simply happy to see someone I cared about and enjoyed working with, in my old life. There was safety in having a person I trusted to be on my side. My brain snapped back into diplomat mode, falling into a familiar flow of conversation. If I had nothing else, I still had my social skills—an ability to navigate various cultures.
“So the Duerten Forum agreed to meet with the two of us. They know about the Sivkit attack, but not the full threat,” I spoke aloud, after breaking away from the rather soul-affirming embrace. “I read the strategy meetings for briefing them, and I’m on-board to appeal to nostalgia; humanity saving their homeworld was after my time, but close enough to it that I could serve as a reminder. A blast from the past.”
Erin nodded, her security forming a wall between us and the cameras as we walked toward the embassy. “I always wondered what you’d think of modern Vienna, Elias. All of the aliens willing to be here on our world, and to treat us like people. Friendship used to seem like a pipe dream; we were happy if they’d allow us to exist, tolerate us to that extent. Look at us now.”
“I almost gave up hoping that they could care about us, or stand beside us at all. We couldn’t do it alone then. It’s time we remember to stand together—to rise to the occasion once more. I can’t bear the thought of anything threatening our home, or our friends. I saw enough needless death twenty-four years ago.”
“That pain is a lot more recent to you. It’s completely okay to be wrestling with grief. A billion of ours died.”
“We didn’t become the monsters they thought we were, and we pulled through. We revealed their hatred and treachery, and have chosen a future set on rectifying every right they trampled. I’ll always mourn what we lost, but I’ve never been more proud of humanity in my life.”
Kuemper patted my shoulder. “You sound like yourself, my dear old friend. It’s very good to have you back; you were much better at smiling while they spit in your face than I ever was. Let’s do what’s necessary to get the ball rolling with the Shield.”
“I’m right behind you.”
The exterior of the Duerten embassy had a distinct construction style, with metal and concrete forming the bulk of the outside structure; on Kalqua, sturdiness was at the foremost of their priorities. Winds on a normal day could ratchet up to what we’d consider a tropical storm, according to my brief review of their culture. The door was evidently heightened to facilitate foot traffic from humans, despite the exit hatches on the upper floor which seemed frequented by the avian staff. Their personnel could literally fly away during an emergent situation. I tailed Kuemper into the lobby, and noted how much of the inside’s floor was concrete as well. It was resilient and easy to clean, a perfect surface to avoid being marred by talons.
Most of the gray avians used perches instead of chairs, with several staffers working on paperwork at their desks; in private areas, some met with any humans who had business with the Duerten Forum. The lack of reaction to a predator’s approach was new to me, but a welcome change. Kuemper confidently led the way to an elevator, which had the English and German words for “Welcome to the Duerten embassy!” written above the opening. The generic Shield logo was painted on both sides of the door, and emblazoned with a representation of Kalqua. There were no buttons inside, apart from an emergency exit; a camera surveyed us, before a watching staffer summoned the car upward. I felt a jolt as we reached the top floor.
“To be visited by two Secretary-Generals: one of whom is a ghost! Let me express the Duerten Forum’s honor and delight. Not, of course, that I don’t cherish Ambassador Hannah Marston’s visits.” A silver-feathered head poked out of a door at the end of the hallway, past a spacious lounge; his beak was the precise yellow of corn. “Please, come in. Make yourselves at home. Can I get you anything to drink?”
Kuemper shuffled forward, giving me a knowing look. “Water would be lovely for me. Thank you for the warm welcome, Ambassador Korajan.”
“I second that gratitude. Enchanted to meet you. I’m sure you know, but I’m Elias Meier.” Taking a gamble that the ambassador was more than acquainted with our customs, I extended a hand. Korajan strode forward with confidence, ensnaring my palm in his wingtip. “We appreciate you taking the time to sit with us, Ambassador.”
“Just Korajan,” the avian said, feeling my artificial hand with undeniable curiosity. He finally released my grip, and waited for us to get seated. “There’s no need for formalities, especially when I’m in such esteemed company. What can I do for you?”
“We’ve come to seek your assistance in the fight against the Sivkits’ assailants. The Sapient Coalition needs allies to back us against these menaces,” Kuemper stated. “Any help we can get would make a difference.”
“I see. I heard about your unfortunate defeat in your prior engagement, but I don’t see how it involves or concerns us. The Duerten, as you well know, aren’t in the position we used to be. We’ve turned our focus inward for years, shoring up our defenses to watch out for our beloved planet. The potential benefit it might offer you is so negligible that it’s hardly worth increasing our vulnerability. The risk far outweighs the rewards for any party.”
I studied the avian, careful to avoid a direct stare. “I understand that it’s a lot to ask. However, small bits of help from across the Shield can accumulate to be a massive difference maker. We want to stop this genocidal force from getting anywhere near Kalqua; if we play our cards right, you won’t need defenses.”
“Elias—sorry, may I call you Elias?” Korajan asked, continuing after I nodded. “We’re, of course, concerned to have a predatory species with such power and intentions, outside our known terrain. They bear a striking resemblance to the Arxur, and my government does appreciate the advance warning from the SC so we can make preparations. Yet the Forum is concerned by several of your recent initiatives, which would make us doubly unwilling to back your cause.”
“Go on. What initiatives have unsettled you?” I hope he doesn’t mean me, with resurrecting dead humans; that’d hit close to home, and I don’t know how to defend it. “Perhaps we can clear up our rationale and intentions, ensuring that there are no misunderstandings.”
“I hope I’m not impolite to point it out, but my government is beginning to see a pattern in your recent connections to carnivores. The Sapient Coalition is attempting an uplift on one race, despite what we all know happened on Wriss, and has brought them into your mix while they are at war with each other. We’re also aware of these Osirs—a race you are resurrecting to live among you, despite having no idea what they’re capable of. Present company excluded, species that need meat are not trustworthy types. These Osirs are weapons: look at the fangs.”
“Anything is a weapon in the wrong hands. Respectfully, we don’t feel that it’s right to judge a species for their diet. If I’m not mistaken, your own kind were once omnivores, Korajan.”
The Duerten fluttered his wings in acknowledgement. “The Federation changed us greatly—some things for the better, others to erase our intellect. We’re an individualist species, and they tried to make us…what do you humans call it? A ‘hive mind.’ Hive minds, of course, are fiction, yet they tried to make it real. Still, sometimes when you’re changed enough, it makes it impossible to go back to how things were.”
“I of all people grasp that sentiment,” I sighed, without moving an abdominal muscle, reflecting how my life would never be the same in this state. “We believe all sapients deserve a chance at life and happiness. Equality isn’t a principle we withhold based on any factor, and we don’t change species to fit our own whims.”
“This is why we’re content with our relations as is: separate, so we’re not connected to your disputes or obligated to get involved. The Duerten will always have differences between what are considered acceptable behaviors, and our guiding principles and overarching goals.”
Kuemper tapped her fingers on her knee. “Regardless, our choices with the Bissems and Osirs will have no impact or tangible effects on the Duerten. Nor is it a reason to shy away from protecting herbivores, the mandate that led you to stand up to the Federation in the past.”
“That cost us everything. Kalqua took a beating worse than Earth did. We don’t set out to attract the ire of powerful enemies these days.”
“We saved Kalqua. We were there when you needed our help to keep your innocents safe,” I reminded him, knitting my eyebrows with earnestness. “We answer when others call for our help to stay alive; the Duerten know what drives us to answer the bell. Isn’t that worth a smidge of reciprocation?”
“If Earth, or for that matter, Leirn were under siege, we would come. However, it appears to us that you entered their territory, not the other way around.”
“Think of the type of species…no, the kind of governments that would glass worlds. The old-school Arxur Dominion. The Kolshian shadow caste when they were defied. The Krakotl extermination fleet because they hated us. That’s what we see in the Osirs, and the gluttonous killing of Sivkit civilians while refusing to speak. We can’t turn a blind eye.”
“I’m sorry, Elias. Even if I wanted to help you, I don’t have the authority. I’m expressing my government’s position, and I’ve been told the Duerten Forum isn't going to war under any circumstances. I apologize that I can’t be of more use, and regret if you might feel your time has been squandered, leaving empty-handed.”
I shared a look with Kuemper, recognizing that we had been stonewalled; there was an implication in Korajan’s last statement that the discussion on this matter was over. The Forum hadn’t given him any negotiating room, so I didn’t get the sense I could do better than asking for him to take a message. If this was the most friendly party we’d be interacting with, I wasn’t off to a good start wrangling support for an alliance. There were a few other Shield races we could try, but an endorsement from the founders might’ve gotten the whole union on board. We had to find another angle—negotiating with the Fed remnants would be impossible without the Shield as an intermediary.
“Of course we don’t feel that way. The back-and-forth was enlightening, productive communication, as much as humanity would love to stand side-by-side in this endeavor,” I offered. “We appreciate you hearing us out, and do hope you’ll pass along our rationale to the Forum, for clarity.”
“I will,” the Duerten responded. “Your words, as always, deserve to be heard and treated with respect.”
Kuemper followed my lead, rising as I stood. “Korajan, I want you to know I deeply appreciate what you said about coming to Earth’s aid should we ever fall on hard times. That stood out to me, as a reason why our cooperation is so precious and beautiful.”
“I agree wholeheartedly. I do wish you the best of luck in your future engagements; my people hope you emerge victorious.”
“Thank you. Our door will always be open if you have a change of heart.”
In my mind, I had already vacated the Duerten embassy, but it was necessary to retrace my steps to depart the ambassador’s office. Aliens were much more diplomatic in rebuffing us now than in my era, which was the proper way to express disagreements between nations. It wasn’t lost on me that the differences in “behaviors” and “principles” Korajan meant were things such as hunting, omnivory, accepting carnivores, exterminators, and predator disease facilities. The Forum still clung to much of their old lifestyle; the gray avian had stated that some Federation changes were “for the better.” That was telling about how much of their ideology they’d yet to shed.
“Forgive my impertinence, but before you go, Elias…may I ask a personal inquiry? It’s not on my behalf of my government,” Korajan called, as our shoes cleared the threshold of his office.
I turned around, giving him an encouraging smile. “Of course. Go ahead.”
“What…what was it like? To die…to be dead?”
“It wasn’t like anything. It was a singularity of all outcomes: all I ever was, and all I ever could be, condensed to nothing. There are no words to describe emptiness and infinite rest. It’s a peace that knows no equal.”
The Duerten dipped his head. “Thank you. It gives me some…personal solace, to know…to know my daughter is resting peacefully. She died in so much pain after only a short period of remission. Ahem…if you’ll excuse me, I…”
“We’ll leave you in peace,” Kuemper replied, softness in her voice.
I folded my hands behind my back, mulling over the choked-up ambassador’s words. How could I let a few days of mental suffering defeat me, when kids suffered through such terrible diseases—never getting to reach adulthood? This program could give children like Korajan’s daughter a chance to grow up, and be a kid, free from pain. As soon as I was alone, I knew I’d be cast back into a maddening state of consciousness, with my brain struggling to stay tethered to this reality. Where I’d been ready to give up before Virnt’s quick fix, the avian’s story made me want to remain in the fight.
The Tilfish had been right: there was the potential for the technology that had brought me back to do a lot of good, and save others a great deal of heartbreak and suffering. No personal sacrifice was too great to ensure that one day, no parent would ever have to bury their child.
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So today was my first time seeing a pain management specialist. He told me i fit all of the criteria of fibro but he wants me to do some research and come back in a month before he puts the diagnosis on paper.
A bit of history: I 24f rode horses competitively for 13 years. I've taken 3 massive horse related accident that have cause soft tissue damage and severe to mild brain injuries. In 2022 me and my significant other were rear ended while at a stop light by some one going 83mph which resulted in another bad head injury, internal bruising, and of course some severe musculoskeletal issues. Over the years ive been told i have IBS, migraines, endometriosis (diagnosed by surgery), as well as a few mental health issues. I've tried physical therapy multiple times, done dry needling, trigger point massages, muscle scrapping, used tens units, hot/cold therapy, every medication from (gaba, flexeril, duloxetine, tramadole, robaxin, naltrexone, hydrocodone, NSAIDs, preventarive migraine medications, epidural steroid injections, trigger point injections, etc). I've been to neurology, neurosurgery, ortho, a back pain specialist for car accidents, pelvic floor specialists, etc. Never was any one able to tell me anything other than "wow your muscles are very reactive" "you have alot of scar tissue" "do you stretch? Your muscles are extremely tight" etc. I currently follow a PT regiment for a hip surgery (extreme labral tear, femorectomy(to help a bad impingment), cartlidge repair, and an attempt at arthritis removal) in january but incoperate previous PT exercises to try and help my back and neck. In total i stretch for 30 minutes 2-3x a day and do low impact exercises 1hr 30 minutes to 2 he 45 minutes a day. I gave birth june of last year so sometimes the exercise either gets spread out through out the the day or to the shorter 1.5 Hrs during a nap. After all of this i continued to have unexplained back and neck pain starting each day at a 6-7 out of 10 and usually not get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. My PCP was prescribing 10 mg norco for flares (i have days where ill get migraines with endo pain and muscular flairs that leave me unable to move, nauseous, occasionally losing consciousness and i usually end up I'm the ER) along with robaxin and tylenol daily and this combination worked incredibly together but didn't do much of anything apart. It felt like i finally could function and had relief. Unfortunately she told me she couldn't continue to prescribe to me and needed me to go to a pain clinic so I agreed in hopes of more answers and maybe even finding a long term pain management plan.
The PM dr went through my history and ended up stopping and saying hey i think you have fibro. He pushed into some trigger points said "yep you're meeting all of the criteria". He then told me we will try acupuncture, more trigger point injections, and tizanidine. I agreed to these as I'm always open to new things or retrying things in a different combination. He gave the injections and told me i should feel it almost immediately but i unfortunately felt no relief and told him so. At the end of my appointment i asked if i could still have a rescue medication until we find a regiment that works well for me and he told me "if you were 50+ yes but you're too young for that route", said he will see me in 4 weeks, and walked out. I am still waiting for the tizanidine but he told me he is not optimistic it'll help much so im a bit scared now. I went into this appointment thinking id be helped and left feeling scared and grimm.

Last year (around January-February) my therapist "ghosted" me. To give some context, I first started working with this therapist ~8 months prior. At the time, I was medicated (Lexapro and Wellbutrin combo), doing really well, and had no strong desire to establish a relationship with a new therapist. Also, my experiences with therapists before this was not so great. Anyway, somehow, this therapist got a hold of my number and reached out a couple of times to offer her services. I ignored her first attempts to contact me, but said f*** it and reached back out to her after her second attempt to contact me. At first, we were meeting once per week or once every two weeks. It was a great fit. She was everything I needed in a therapist. I really enjoyed her approach and the dynamic we were starting to build. As our time together continued, she felt I was doing extremely well and urged me to space out my appointments more and more. I was doing well, but I know myself. The other shoe always drops. I pushed back because I didn't want to space our appointments out so much we'd lose touch. At the end, we were meeting once per month and I was doing great.
Around the holidays (Dec 2022), the spacing of our appointments got wonky and that continued into the new year. She had to reschedule me one or two times, and I also believe her mother died around this time. The last message I received from her was something along the lines of: "I will reach back out soon to reschedule our appointment." She never reached back out and, honestly, at the time, I didn't feel it was my job to be the one to reach out. Looking back, I regret that. We're all humans and I can only imagine she was going through a lot with the loss of her mom.
Since this, I have "swore off" therapy. I felt that everytime I tried therapy, I came out worse than when I went in. In this case, I sort of felt that my trust has been broken and that I've been forgotten (feelings I already had trouble managing). Anyway, as spring-summer 2023 rolled around, I continued to feel I was doing well mentally and decided to taper myself off the Lexapro (it had caused a lot of unwanted weight gain and that was creating all new issues for me - physically and mentally). I tapered off of the medication so so so slowly. Like over 6 months. I have been off Lexapro since Sept 2023, and I've been a slow mental decline since.
In an effort to avoid coming back on Lexapro or another SSRI, I decided to put my feelings aside and find a new therapist. So, now I'm with this new therapist and it's not a good fit. I've been with the new therapist for 5 weeks, and I can't stop thinking about my old therapist. The only thing I come out with at the end of every one of our sessions is, "Wow I miss my last therapist." What do I do? Do I start my search for a new therapist over? Do I reach back out to my old therapist? I'm really stuck and just want therapy to work for me.
I also want to add, I have an outstanding balance with my old therapist. It's not something I am proud of, but I felt important to mention. At her practice, I would have to pay my co-pay via mail (we did telehealth). I would fill out my CC info on the pre-paid envelope and stick it right back in my mailbox. Sometimes, I would forget and pay my balance for 3-4 sessions at a time. It's not anything we ever mentioned during our sessions. Anyway, after I was "ghosted" I continued receiving a bill for our last 3 sessions. I never paid this balance, maybe out of spite, but definitely because I felt hurt and forgotten. Maybe she doesn't even remember or hold my outstanding balance against me, but I feel shame and embarrassment about it.
Please help bring some clarity and insight to my situation.

Hello everybody, does tak 653 good for anxiety? I was researching about it but couldn’t find many info.. so, for you that already used, did it help? Also, can you take it together with an SSRI?

Hi, I've been on Paxil for a few years and have just switched to Prozac. I did a cross taper, gradually lowering the Paxil while starting the Prozac at the same time. Last Thursday I stopped the Paxil all together. I thought I was fine, but yesterday I was very down and depressed and spent most of the day in bed. Today, my anxiety is on high, and I feel similar to when I would miss a few days of an SSRI. But I've got Prozac so I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I'm not suicidal or anything serious like that, but it just sucks. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Any tips for getting thru this period? Should I ask my doc to up my Prozac?

A lot of people from this subreddit have been asking this question and i got this article together to answer that question. I hope it helps. Cheers.

I honestly have found great help when i started taking Omega 3 in a daily basis, Vitamin B1 B6 B12, enough zinc, magnesium and Vitamin D.
PS : for those who also want to increase their testosterone, improving your mood and lowering Cortisol greatly helps.

Stress Reduction

Our bodies release cortisol when stressed. Cortisol decreases serotonin levels in the body, by increasing serotonin reuptake. Too much cortisol can increase your risk of developing mental health disorders. That is why reducing mental stress can help balance cortisol levels and increase serotonin
Many of the lifestyle changes below can be used to decrease stress.

Mood Improvement

Serotonin impacts our mood, but mood also affects serotonin production. Studies using brain imaging (PET), showed that brains of people who are happy produce more serotonin than brains of people who are sad
Therefore, engaging in activities and doing things that make you happier can help boost serotonin production.
In addition, studies show that social interactions also influence serotonin levels. Spend more time with people who make you feel good in general

Exercise

Fatigue, as a result of exercise, increases the amount of tryptophan that can cross the blood-brain barrier (by decreasing BCAA levels) and thereby boosts serotonin production. Psychological benefits of physical exercise can be more readily achieved with consistent aerobic exercise training
Mice that ran on treadmills had higher levels of serotonin compared to mice that remained inactive. Brain tryptophan remained high even after exercise

Getting More Sun

It has been long known that bright light helps treat seasonal depression. But several studies suggest that light is also an effective treatment for other forms of depression
People have higher serotonin levels in the summer compared to winter
In fact, our modern way of life, in which we spend a lot of time indoors, may be depleting our serotonin levels, thereby making us more vulnerable to mood disorders
Pioneer studies suggest that our skin may produce serotonin when exposed to sunlight
In addition, you need vitamin D to produce serotonin, and sun to produce vitamin D
Therefore, going outside and spending more time in the sun on a regular basis is a great way to boost your serotonin levels.

Yoga and Meditation

A review of over 200 peer-reviewed RCTs, clinical trials, and meta-analyses studying complementary and alternative medicine suggest that yoga and meditation may help uplift mood and improve symptoms of mild, moderate, and treatment-resistant depression
In fact, meditation activates many parts of the brain important for understanding the self, emotions, problem-solving, adaptability, and increasing awareness. Serotonin plays a role in wakefulness, along with other neurotransmitters, which are all raised in meditators
Thirty minutes of yoga and breathing exercises improved mood in a study of 71 healthy adults

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy or counseling may change brain chemistry and even increase serotonin activity (by increasing serotonin receptors). In a (DB-RCT) study of 23 patients with depression who participated in psychotherapy for 4 months, therapy significantly increased serotonin activity and improved symptoms of depression

Eat to Increase Serotonin

Tryptophan is the amino acid building block for serotonin. Tryptophan is not produced by the body, so it must be taken in through diet.
Current research shows that unlike purified tryptophan, consuming tryptophan-rich foods does not necessarily increase brain serotonin. That’s because tryptophan-rich foods, such as meat, dairy, fruits, and vegetables, also contain many other amino acids. Tryptophan has to compete with these other amino acids for transport across the blood-brain barrier
On the other hand, lack of dietary tryptophan (compared to other amino acids) may lead to lower blood and brain tryptophan levels, decreasing serotonin production. Increased BCAAs also lower tryptophan and serotonin, as well as dopamine in the brain. This may be especially problematic for people who take protein powders to enhance exercise performance

Carbs

Consuming carbs increases serotonin levels by increasing the transport of tryptophan into the brain
However, you should use other methods to boost your serotonin, as increasing carbs in your diet can have a plethora of negative effects.

which Supplements can Increase Serotonin?

L-Tryptophan and 5-HTP

In the body, L-tryptophan is used to make 5-HTP from which serotonin is made. Taking L-tryptophan may raise plasma serotonin, improving cognitive, motor, or gut issues in those who are deficient
A protein called alpha-Lactalbumin from milk contains more tryptophan than many other proteins. In a (DB-RCT) study of 18 inpiduals, 12 grams of alpha-Lactalbumin increased the amount of tryptophan in blood plasma by 16% after 90 minutes
In another (DB-RCT) study, 12.32 grams of tryptophan increased blood tryptophan by 43% after 1.5 hours and improved memory in 23 subjects vulnerable to high stress
In a pilot study of 13 female patients experiencing premenstrual syndrome (PMS), 6 grams of L-tryptophan taken daily for 14 days improved mood, irritability, difficulty sleeping, and carbohydrate craving
Tryptophan can be purchased in the form of L-tryptophan supplements. 5-HTP (5-hydroxytryptophan) supplements are also available. It is important to note that 5-HTP is not the same as 5-HT, which is the chemical name for serotonin. 5-HTP freely crosses the blood-brain barrier (serotonin itself does not) to be converted into serotonin

Probiotics

In the digestive tract, probiotics restore the gut microbiome and influence the gut-brain axis. Gut bacteria are important because they can produce tryptophan, from which serotonin is made. Many mental health disorders, such as Parkinson’s disease, are linked to less perse or fewer gut bacteria
In a study (DB-RTC), an 8-week probiotic regimen (2.0 x 109 CFU/g of Lactobacillus helveticus and 2.0 x 109 CFU/g of Bifidobacterium longum) increased tryptophan levels in 110 inpiduals with depression. Increased tryptophan can increase serotonin production
A probiotic (Bifidobacteria infantis) given to rats for 14 days raised levels of blood tryptophan

Vitamin D

Vitamin D helps the body make, release, and use serotonin in the brain. Vitamin D activates an enzyme that converts tryptophan into serotonin. If vitamin D levels are low, our brains make less serotonin. Thus, increasing vitamin D intake increases serotonin levels, reducing the risk of mental health disorders
A cohort study of over 9K subjects demonstrated that taking vitamin D supplements during the first year of life was correlated with a 77% reduced risk of schizophrenia. In other words, preventing low vitamin D levels early in life may reduce the chance of having schizophrenia later in life

Omega-3 Fatty Acids

While vitamin D helps neurons make serotonin, the omega-3 fatty acids, EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid) and DHA (docosahexaenoic acid), help neurons release serotonin and improve its activity (increasing serotonin receptor sensitivity). Fish, such as salmon or trout, are high in omega-3 fatty acids. The omega 3 fatty acid supplements are also sold as fish oil capsules
Inadequate omega-3 fatty acids intake may increase susceptibility to psychiatric illnesses, including depression
In a (DB-RCT) study of 49 patients that repeatedly self-harm themselves, 1.2 grams of EPA and 0.9 grams of DHA capsules daily for 12 weeks reduced suicidal thinking by 45% and depression by 30%
An observational study of 256,118 Japanese participants, discovered that people who ate fish daily had lower rates of suicidal thoughts compared to people who did not eat fish daily. In another observational study of 1,767 Finnish subjects, consuming fish less than twice a week was associated with a higher risk of depression and suicidal thinking
In rats, low levels of omega-3 fatty acids (specifically alpha linoleic acid) are associated with lower serotonin activity, while DHA deficiency reduces brain serotonin in piglets
Reduced intake of both EPA and DHA by pregnant rats resulted in less production, storage, release, and activity (receptor function) of serotonin in the brains of their offspring. Serotonin was not only reduced in the mothers’ brains but also its availability and production were reduced by (65% and 29%, respectively) in the brains of newborn rats

St. John’s Wort

St. John’s Wort is a popular medicinal plant (Hypericum perforatum) used as an antidepressant for mild depression.
The plant increases serotonin in animals, similar to typical antidepressants, but with fewer side effects
In a review (of 35 studies) of 6,993 patients with depression, St. John’s Wort standalone therapy improved mild to moderate symptoms as well as antidepressants and better than placebo. The typical dose is 300 mg of the extract 3 times per day for at least 4 weeks

S-Adenosyl Methionine (SAMe)

SAMe is needed to produce serotonin
It is a naturally occurring compound that plays a role in methylation, energy breakdown and may help patients with major depressive disorder (MDD) who are not responding to conventional, synthetic antidepressants
In a (DB-RCT) study involving 73 MDD inpiduals unresponsive to drug therapy, 800 mg twice a day improved symptoms of depression compared to the placebo
In a (DB-RCT) study of 144 inpiduals with MDD, 1,600 – 3,200 mg of SAMe daily for 12 weeks significantly improved mood
A review of 132 studies (115 CT and 17 preclinical) concluded that SAMe can be useful not just for depression, but for an array of mental health disorders, such as substance abuse and psychosis

Vitamin B

Lack of vitamin B may be associated with the onset of mental health disorders. The body needs Vitamin B6 to make neurotransmitters like serotonin from 5-HTP (Vitamin B acts as enzyme cofactor)
Vitamin B12 and folate (vitamin B9) are necessary for the folate cycle, which helps convert tryptophan into serotonin (by producing and recycling essential co-factors)
In a cohort study of 549 community-dwelling seniors, those with low vitamin B12 and B9 blood levels were more likely to have irreversible problems with cognition (memory, attention, and thought)
In Rhesus monkeys, a single dose of vitamin B6 increased serotonin production in the brain
In addition, treatment of healthy adult rats with a vitamin B mixture raised serotonin levels in the brain

Vitamin C

Vitamin C supplements over a period of 6 weeks increased brain serotonin levels in rats with drug-induced dementia

Vitamin E

Vitamin E supplementation for 8 weeks increased serotonin in rats suffering from spinal cord injury

Zinc

Zinc can target and activate serotonin receptors
In a meta-analysis of 17 observational studies, blood zinc levels were lower in depressed inpiduals compared to non-depressed inpiduals
In a study (DB-RCT), 25 mg of elemental zinc supplements daily for 12 weeks reduced depressive symptoms in a study of 37 patients with major depressive disorder
Zinc can be increased through diet in foods such as red meat, oysters, and whole grains

Magnesium

Magnesium supplements increase serotonin levels by increasing its availability (reducing reuptake) in the brain. In a (DB-RCT) study, 500 mg of magnesium per day for 8 weeks significantly improved symptoms in 60 patients diagnosed with mild to moderate depression
Magnesium is found in green leafy vegetables, nuts, and legumes

Inositol

Inositol increases the sensitivity of serotonin receptors
In one study of 30 women with a PMS mood disorder, myo-inositol reduced symptoms and improved mood given over 6 menstrual cycles
Inositol decreases depression in rats by binding serotonin receptors

Turmeric

Curcumin is the active component of turmeric. In stressed rats, curcumin extended the length of time serotonin stays active in the brain (by blocking the reuptake of serotonin). It also improved cognition and reduced serum corticosterone, a cortisol equivalent, in rats
In mice, a single dose of curcumin (10 – 80 mg/kg) increased serotonin levels

Velvet Bean

Mucuna pruriens, known as the velvet bean, combats Parkinson’s disease better than the standard treatment (levodopa) in rats. In addition to being a source of dopamine, the long-term use of the powder form of Mucuna pruriens also restored serotonin levels in rat brains

L-Theanine

L-theanine, an amino acid found in tea leaves (e.g. green, black, or oolong tea) and Bay Bolete mushrooms, has relaxing effects on the mind. Green tea has the highest concentration of L-theanine
In a cohort study of over 42K Japanese inpiduals, those who consumed at least 5 cups of green tea a day experiences less psychological distress that is often associated with reduced serotonin
In rat studies, L-theanine raised serotonin levels in the brain

Rhodiola

Rhodiola rosea is a flowering plant that may help improve anxiety and depression. In a (DB-RCT) clinical trial of 89 patients with mild to moderate depression and low serotonin, Rhodiola rosea extracts (340 mg/day and 680 mg/day) for 42 days improved overall depression, including insomnia and emotional instability
In 70 depressive rats suffering from chronic mild stress and serotonin deficiency, Rhodiola extract (1.5, 3, or 6g/kg) for 3 weeks restored normal levels of serotonin

Saffron

Safranal, one of the main active components of saffron (Crocus sativus), increases serotonin availability in the brain (by blocking reuptake)
A meta-analysis (5 RCTs) of 177 participants concluded that 30 mg per day of saffron capsules can improve symptoms of depression in adults with major depressive disorder within 6 to 8 weeks

Psychedelics

Psychedelics are hallucinogenic drugs such as lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) and psilocybin mushrooms. Psychedelics can stimulate serotonin activity (by directly binding to serotonergic receptors and also increasing their number), raise serotonin levels, and reduce its breakdown
In a recent pilot study (DB-RCT) of 12 patients with anxiety, 200 μg of LSD significantly reduced self-reported anxiety. LSD was given in a safe psychotherapeutic environment with medical supervision to avoid side effects
In a (DB-RCT) study of 17 healthy inpiduals, psilocybin (215 micrograms/kg) enhanced mood, increased goal-directed behavior and decreased recognition of negative facial expressions
Though psychedelics can activate serotonin signaling, unsupervised use may lead to serious psychological consequences. Certain plant hallucinogens, as well as synthetic hallucinogens, can be especially toxic. Using this substance should be under professional supervision.

Magnolia Tree

The bark and seed cones of the Magnolia tree (Magnolia officinalis) appear to have anti-stress, anti-anxiety, and antidepressant effects
20 and 40 mg/kg of honokiol and magnolol, the main components of Magnolia officinalis, restored low levels of serotonin in rats with chronic mild stress
Magnolia bark and ginger rhizome are commonly used to treat mental disorders in traditional Chinese medicine (TCM). 30 mg/kg of a magnolia bark and ginger rhizome mixture increased serotonin in the brains of depressed mice

Essential Oils

Essential oils are commonly used to reduce anxiety, stress, low mood, and other mental health disorders. Smelling the essential oils (inhalation) can activate pathways in the brain to boost serotonin and dopamine production
In a study of aromatherapy in 60 elderly patients with depression (RCT), 5 ml of essential oil mixture (containing lavender, sweet orange, bergamot, and almond oil) increased serotonin levels after application two times a week for 8 weeks
Ylang-ylang essential oils increased serotonin levels in mice brains (hippocampus)
Bitter orange is an essential oil that reduced anxiety and improved mood by boosting serotonin activity in mice after 14 days of use
Lavender oil blocked the breakdown/reuptake of serotonin in cell studies

Valerian

The root of the Valerian plant increases serotonin levels and activity (by decreasing its turnover)
Valerian may help with irritable bowel syndrome. In a rat study, components of the Valeriani root balanced overactive serotonin in the gut (colon) and serum
Valeriana officinalis root extract prevented the breakdown of serotonin in mice exposed to stress

Apigenin

Apigenin is a nutrient in citrus fruits that may improve cognition and behavior as well as symptoms of depression and stress
In mouse models, 20-day treatment with apigenin (10 and 20 mg/kg) increased serotonin levels, and decreased anxious behavior
Apigenin was able to reduce the impact of chronic mild stress in rats by increasing serotonin availability and reducing its breakdown

Berberine

Berberine is a salt derived from plants in the Berberis family (the roots, rhizomes, stems, and barks), including barberry, tree turmeric, Oregon-grape, and others. It blocks the enzyme MAO-A, which breaks down serotonin, thereby raising serotonin levels
A single berberine dose increased levels of serotonin by 47% in the brains of depressed mice. Long-term treatment with berberine (5 mg/kg for 15 days) increased serotonin by 19%
Mice given berberine in a different study had increased serotonin levels in regions of the brain (hippocampus and frontal cortex) important for memory and mood

Acetyl-L-Carnitine

Carnitine may increase serotonin in the cerebral cortex, a region of the brain involved in cognition and memory
Acetyl-L-carnitine (ALCAR) is a modified form of carnitine, a common dietary supplement sold in health food stores. ALCAR protects the brain and may help with depression. In mice, it increased levels of serotonin in the brain when given daily for 25 days

Lithium

Lithium has long been used in the treatment of mental disorders such as bipolar disorder. It works by increasing serotonin activity in the brain

Physical Treatments that Increase Serotonin

Neurofeedback

Neurofeedback allows inpiduals to consciously change their brain activity (EEG waves) and therefore modify their behavior and cognition. Some of its clinical uses are for migraines, ADHD, and PTSD
In a study (RCT), neurofeedback (30 minutes, 5 sessions weekly, 4 weeks) was applied to 40 patients with fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS). FMS patients have lower serotonin and widespread pain in their muscles and bones. After 2 weeks, patients experienced less pain, fatigue, anxiety, and depression

Massage

Massage therapy decreased cortisol and raised serotonin and dopamine in a broad population with stress-related health problems in 3 studies
In one (RCT) study, 24 adults with low back pain were either given two 30 minute massages per week or subjected to standard relaxation procedures over the span of 5 weeks. Urine serotonin levels were higher in inpiduals who received massage therapy

Acupuncture

In a randomized clinical trial, 75 women with fibromyalgia, acupuncture increased levels of serotonin in the serum, compared to placebo
In rats, acupuncture-like stimulation increased serotonin activity in certain regions of the brain

Light Therapy

When sun exposure is not possible, bright light therapy can help increase serotonin levels
Bright light therapy (photobiomodulation) shows promising results for depression based on clinical trials
In a study of 10 women with chronic headaches (observational), 34 seconds daily use of low-level laser therapy (LLLT) significantly increased serotonin levels after just 3 days
In a study of 25 drug-free hospitalized veterans with depression or bipolar disorder, bright white light improved depressive symptoms. However, further testing needs to be done on the negative consequences of long-term light treatment

Vagus Nerve Stimulation

Long-term vagus nerve stimulation (14 days) increased serotonin levels in rat brains
In rats, sustained vagus nerve stimulation for 14 days also increased the action of serotonin

Testing Serotonin

Serotonin that gets released into the blood gets rapidly broken down in the liver and lungs, to inactive metabolites (such as 5-HIAA) that are excreted in urine . That is why normally, blood and urine contain very small amounts of serotonin. Larger quantities of serotonin in the blood/urine can be found in people with serotonin-producing tumors (carcinoid tumors).
Beware of the use of urine serotonin levels to check for “neurotransmitter imbalances”. While the companies providing these tests state that the levels in urine correspond to brain neurotransmitter levels, science has repeatedly shown that this is not the case
Serotonin doesn’t cross the blood-brain barrier. Even if it did, it is released intermittently and influenced by many different stimuli. Furthermore, levels differ within different parts of the brain. And finally, values differ for the same person from one day to another
In addition, companies have been known to intentionally use extremely narrow ranges, without any scientific support whatsoever, in order to sell supplements to their clients
If you do have neurotransmitter imbalances in the brain, more reliable tests of serotonin levels are cerebrospinal fluid tests or measurements of serotonin in blood platelets
A PET scan is the only direct way to detect changes of serotonin production in specific areas of the brain
Serotonin Risks and Safety
Excess serotonin may result in serotonin syndrome, which can be fatal. Usually, though, serotonin syndrome is a result of drug interactions. No cases have been observed just from safe, natural approaches
MDMA, LSD, and other synthetic drugs may cause serotonin syndrome, and should not be taken without medical supervision or outside a psychotherapeutic environment
Most of the studies mentioned above were performed on adults. More research involving children is needed in order to determine safety.
Abnormally heightened levels of serotonin (hyperserotonemia) is a consistent finding in inpiduals with autism. Pregnant women with hyperserotonemia are more likely to give birth to children with autism

Drug Interactions

The use of St. John’s Wort, SAMe, or lithium simultaneously with serotonergic drugs like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI), monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAO-I), and triptans, can increase the risk of serotonin syndrome, a life-threatening and potentially fatal condition

Limitations and Caveats

Some of these studies have fairly small sample sizes. Additionally, many of these natural methods of increasing serotonin in the body have only been tested in animals and need further research in humans through clinical trials.
In addition to the concentration of serotonin, both the number of serotonin receptors and their sensitivity may also play an integral role in determining serotonin activity.
Though serotonin is mostly made, stored, and released in the gut, serotonin acts as an important neurotransmitter in the brain. Some of these natural remedies and supplements need further testing to determine if they are able to cross the blood-brain barrier. Long-term application of these remedies should also be further studied.

Disclaimer: This post may have some controversial stuff in it. I'm only talking about my experience, I'm not trying to convince anyone that pharmacological treatment is always bad and that everything related to psychiatry is bad, and I don't feel I have studied this topic enough to make any strong judgement.

Over a year ago I had a period when I spent a lot of time doing self-reflection, basically the staring at a wall practice that Dr.K suggested as something to try out. This meant I spent a lot of time in my room just sitting and not doing anything in particular (and often sitting in darkness). This got my parents a bit concerned about me. One time, my mom went into my room as I was crying hard, and that made her extra worried. My parents started insisting that I should start taking sertraline again (an SSRI). I didn't want to, because I didn't think it was necessary, I didn't think it has ever been effective for me, and I didn't see a reason to resort to a drug when I think this crying was actually healthy and a form of catharsis (I was and still am worried about the effects of long term use, and potential side effects, even though I think that I didn't experience anything serious as a result of taking the medication). (I used to take sertraline for a while before that. It was prescribed for me by a child and adolescent psychiatrist for OCD. I was also forced back then, I was super scared of the psychiatrist and the medication and in hysteria, I was like 12 at the time, now I'm 18 FYI.) The day after, my mom went into my room grabbed me by my clothes, started throwing me around and saying I have to take the medication. I agreed to take it. After a few months I started getting off of it without telling my parents, and when mom realized I had been tapering and throwing out the pills, she got angry, but in the end she said I can do it if I want to.
Fast-forward to now. I had a week free from school, my parents went on a trip and I stayed at home. During this time I spent some time watching Dr. K's videos (mostly related to emotional awareness, alexithymia etc.) and trying to implement his advice (recognizing and naming emotions etc.) . I have also been doing some meditation (the navel chakra one for emotional processing) and spending some time doing the staring at a wall practice and taking time for reflection (this last one I started doing earlier than the other ones, a few weeks ago).
I started doing this stuff mainly because I wanted to fix my porn addiction which I have been struggling with for a few years now. I think these things have had a profound impact on me, and together with Dr.K's advice on how to deal with this addiction have been extremely helpful.
As I started doing this deep emotional work, some stuff from the past has been coming up to the surface. I have been experiencing both feelings of hope, that I can get better but also fear that this is a lot too handle.
In the last few days I realized that I don’t feel safe crying at home because I’m scared that this awful thing will repeat (parents were not at home at this time, but my grandma came over for a few days, and I was worried she would see me cry). They came back home today.
I don’t think my parents are bad people, but I think they really screwed up here.I’ve been thinking about talking about this with them since I realized this stuff had such an impact on me and because I think I want to feel safer while I’m working on myself and not be afraid of crying in my own house. I think that they would understand my point but I’m still afraid. I’m scared that they will think that because I’m trying to hold them accountable they will think that I need to do something as well and “the rules will change” and that they will burden me with something. Idk.I don’t know exactly what to do. I want to get someone’s perspective on that and help on how to approach this situation.
(I predict that somebody might suggest family therapy as an option, or just therapy in general. Idk how I feel about this, I’ve seen quite a few therapists and they haven’t been helpful, I think I got the most out of figuring stuff out by myself and with help from Dr.K’s videos and other online stuff and communities. There is also a problem with accessibility of therapy where I’m from)
Sorry for any mistakes in the text.

I made another post on /twoxsex earlier this morning about the fact that since I was a teen (43 now), I am always in some state of arousal. I always just thought I had a higher sex drive, but now I’m not so sure that’s what it is.
I constantly feel like my clitoris is stimulated/engorged like I could have an orgasm really easily. Which in turn makes me “wet” and makes me feel like I need penetration. (That’s all kind of embarrassing to say) Multiple back to back orgasms may lessen the sensation for a few minutes then the feeling comes back.
About 8-9 years ago I started a progesterone only pill and an SSRI. Together they effectively killed my sex drive, and honestly I didn’t care one bit. It was so wonderful not to feel that need all the time. However it was not good for the 7 year relationship I was in during that time.
I tried stopping the SSRI a few months ago and within a couple of days the sensations came back. I didn’t want that, so I went back on the SSRI.
I have been experiencing brain fog and other issues from the birth control so I wanted to try stopping it as well. I have been off a few days now and the sensations are back. I hate it so much. I feel like I could orgasm 20 times a day and it wouldn’t get any better. I’m going to start the pill back today because I can’t live like this again.
I’ve read that there is possibly a big connection between restless leg syndrome and pgad. I definitely have RLS. I may also have overactive bladder because I do urinate more than 8 times a day, but I’ve never considered it problematic.
Could RLS meds possibly help this as well considering I do have RLS too?

I've slept poorly more or less since I entered the teenage years. I'm an adult now, of course, and have been for some time.
my problem is not in falling asleep. so long as I'm not actively worried about something, or excessively warm, I manage that pretty quickly. my issue is the quality of the sleep and the length of time it lasts: not very good, and not long enough, respectively.
a few days ago, I happened, entirely by chance and accident — a combination of a headache and more-than-usually severe allergies — to take both a Naproxen and a Benadryl 4-6 hours before I went to bed. that night I slept like a rock. I slept an almost mathematically perfect eight hours. I woke up on cloud nine and stayed that way most of the day.
this was, on one hand, wonderful. it was also, on the other hand, extremely depressing, because it told me that what has usually been "a very good day" is actually just close to where I'd be normally if I got a good eight hours of sleep.
I'm very dubious of taking those in concert together with any sort of regularity. firstly, a tolerance could be built up. secondly, long-term antihistamine use has been linked to a 46% increase in risk of dementia. no thanks!
here is a list of things I have tried, and/or currently do, to try and get a better quality of sleep:

• melatonin: didn't help
• GABA: didn't help
• herbal supplements (valerian, chamomile, etc): useless
• l-theanine: useless
• magnesium glycinate: didn't help
• magnesium threonate: didn't help
• sunlight w/in first two hours: doesn't seem to help, but I enjoy it on its own merits
• no caffeine after 1-3 PM
• white noise: helps w/ getting to sleep
• eye mask: helps w/ getting to sleep
• cool bedroom: helps w/ getting to sleep
• reading before bed: helps w/ getting to sleep
• earbuds: basically unhelpful
• trazodone: unhelpful. makes me drowsy before bed, but that's not something I needed help with
• weighted blanket: didn't help
• CBD gummies and oil: mildly helpful, but not to a significant degree.
• consistent bedtime routine: mildly helpful, but not to a significant degree.
• sleep restriction: didn't really help past roughly 6.5 hours of sleep.
• sleeping naked

I have been tested for sleep apnea, and it's not that.
again, my issue is not in getting to sleep. I have no problems getting to sleep. my problem is that I wake up too early, and I don't feel well-rested. the night of the Naproxen/Benadryl was the single best night of sleep I've had in over a decade and the day after was the single best day I've had in over a decade.
learning that most of my anxiety and depression comes down to not getting a good enough quality of sleep has made me desperate to figure out how I can get something like that consistently.
does anybody have anything or know anything that could help?

• “The present study was conducted to evaluate the ability of acute or chronic treatment with 5-HT1A antagonists to alter chronic fluoxetine-induced impairments in sexual function.
• Chronic 14-d treatment with fluoxetine resulted in a marked reduction in the number of non-contact penile erections in sexually experienced male rats, relative to vehicle-treated controls.
• Acute administration of the 5-HT1A antagonist WAY-101405 resulted in a complete reversal of chronic fluoxetine-induced deficits on non-contact penile erections at doses that did not significantly alter baselines.
• Chronic co-administration of the 5-HT1A antagonists WAY-100635 or WAY-101405 with fluoxetine prevented fluoxetine-induced deficits in non-contact penile erections in sexually experienced male rats.
• Moreover, withdrawal of WAY-100635 from co-treatment with chonic fluoxetine, resulted in a time-dependent reinstatement of chronic fluoxetine-induced deficits in non-contact penile erections.
• Additionally, chronic administration of SSA-426, a molecule with dual activity as both a SSRI and 5-HT1A antagonist, did not produce deficits in non-contact penile erections at doses demonstrated to have antidepressant-like activity in the olfactory bulbectomy model.
• Taken together, these data suggest that 5-HT1A antagonist treatment may have utility for the management of SSRI-induced sexual dysfunction.”

https://secondlifeguide.com/community/ssris/5-ht1a-antagonists/
https://academic.oup.com/ijnp/article/12/8/1045/677907?login=false

I posted this on another community and honestly I just really really need an answer on what to do here.
So let me give a quick rundown of everything. I just really don’t know what to do here, and I feel like the only way for me to feel normal is to get back with him. I started seeing a guy through Tinder when I was 17, and he was 19. This was my first relationship. The start was very nice, but we didn’t meet until 2 months in. When we did meet, I instantly liked him even more, and we started a talking stage. Throughout the talking stage, he was very nice and explained that he wanted to do this courting properly because he really liked me. I never understood the point of a talking stage; I thought, “Why can’t I just date you if I like you?” But we had a talking stage regardless. After months and months (probably a year and a half), I realized he started referring to me as his girlfriend, and I thought that was weird. I asked him why, and he said, “Well, aren’t we dating?” I was kinda hurt by that because when we started dating, I made it clear that if we are in a talking stage and when we move to dating, I want to be asked out properly. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but just say the words “I like you, let’s go out.” He said that after I questioned that while we were cuddling in bed. I didn’t like that, but he said he thought it was nice asking it casually. He said, “You want certain things to be done in too specific of a way.” That really hurt me because I thought I allowed myself to be open to things, but I suppose not.
We had a lot of issues during our relationship, but it was stuff we couldn’t really control. It was things like how we couldn’t meet more than once a month, and it was brutal not seeing each other for that long because we lived far apart and were busy with life. It always felt like he was busier than me. It’s weird; I don’t know how to explain it, but it was a situation where I always had time regardless of how busy I was, and he hardly had time regardless of what happened in his life. I always thought it was because I relaxed by being with him and he relaxed by being himself. So for me, if I could just spend time with him, that would be fine, but for him, he needed at least some time to himself.
One of the worst things for me during the entire relationship was saying goodnight. I don’t know why, but I was so scared to say it, and I would always delay it as much as possible. Something about saying goodnight, him going to sleep, and me just being by myself terrified me so much that I would just try to talk to him as much as possible. This happened not only over text but in person too. The image of his back to me with him sleeping while I just lay there myself terrified me. I don’t know why. Before I was with him, I was very happy being by myself. I was one of those dull, boring, happy people who were content with doing very simple things like cooking or painting. But now that he broke up with me, I feel like the only way to go through this phase is to be with him.
We went on a trip a couple of months ago. It was our first trip together, and we were so excited. But the trip went a lot worse than we thought and was one of the main reasons he broke up with me. During the trip, I drank every single night. It was my first time drinking, and I really liked him taking care of me. It felt like one of those very rare times where I had 100% of his attention. But he didn’t like that; he didn’t like taking care of me. During one of the nights, I got drunk, and we did sexual stuff together. From what I remember, everything went nicely, but he had a completely different perspective on it. I remember jokingly asking him to do new stuff we never did before in a whiny voice. In a way that I knew that if he didn’t want to, he could just say no shush. I played around the topic, and then he said yeah sure. During the breakup, he said, “You really pressured me into doing stuff I wasn't comfortable with, and it brought back some horrible memories, and I can’t put myself through that again. I know you wouldn’t do that, but it was the fact that it already happened.”
I just turned 20, and he’s 21. And right after I did, we broke up. It only happened a couple of days ago, so every time I even think about it, it feels so suffocating. The night before, I texted some mean things because I wanted his attention since I was very upset he wouldn’t hear me out for 5 mins. I knew he had an exam the next day, but I was so upset it felt like if I didn't talk about this right now, then I would be up all night and day stressing about this. He was not happy about this. He was very, very upset and said he was fed up and tired of this. Because he was right; this isn’t the first time I have done this.
To me, it just felt like I couldn’t get through the day. I would get very late replies, like in 2-3 hours, and it felt weird to say 'hey, can we talk' to someone who would check their phone every few hours. Even on the days we could talk for a good hour or so, it felt like if I said my issues, I would just be ruining this really nice time, so I thought it would be best to just wait until the end of the day."
I don't know why, but he tried so hard to talk to me. He never used his phone and hated texting but still tried for me. But even though he did, I felt like he still didn't have time for me. Or, I guess, enough time for me. It felt like I was always begging for his time, saying stuff like 'please just talk to me for 5 mins.'
Anyway, back to the breakup. He was very upset, and we called, and he said, 'I can't do this anymore.' I was scared so badly; all I could do was try to reason with him not to and just wait to see me till the next day because I did not want to break up at all. I felt horrible knowing my mean message made him so upset he just wanted to leave. That night, we agreed that we would talk it out the next day, and if it doesn’t work out, we will break up. That was the only thing that kept me sane. I had to leave work early because I kept crying, and my manager was worried. I texted him before, and he said he had a panic attack because of last night, and I felt so horrible knowing that it happened because of me. I thought I would do everything I can to make it up to him when I see him, and if I get mad, I won't let him know in such a mean way. But as soon as we met up, he said it's over. And that was it. I was so scared, and I didn’t want to accept it, that I just begged and cried, pleading with him not to. After a while, I thought I accepted it, and we went and had dinner. But the moment the next day came, it hit me so badly, and I regretted saying yes to it so much that I just wanted to go back and see him.
I keep thinking back to the first time I said 'I like you' to him. It was when I kissed him for the first time, sitting on his lap with my head nestled in the corner of his neck as I said it. Now that we've broken up, I just yearn to return to that moment so desperately. I know time can't rewind, but I would do anything, even give my life away, just to go back to that. And there are so many more moments I long to revisit, especially those times when we cuddled in bed together. I feel like if I could just go back to those moments, I would feel normal again. And if I can feel normal, I can eat and sleep.
Because I felt so horrible, I kept texting and calling him because I just wanted to see him. I took the day off work and waited at the bus stop I usually wait at, hoping he would call me and say, 'Okay, come up,' but he didn’t, and I stayed there the whole day. I feel like such a creep for doing that, but I physically couldn’t stomach anything other than thinking about him. He texted me saying, 'You can't keep texting me. It's exam season for me, and I need to focus,' and all I could say was, 'Can we please go back?' He said, 'Not anytime soon,' and that he doesn’t want to get back together, at least not now. He said we will talk on Tuesday. It’s currently Saturday night, and I’m so scared to even start the weekend. He blocked me after I kept begging him to talk to me for 5 more mins. Even though he blocked me everywhere, I keep calling and texting him and looking at old photos. I feel so creepy and like such a weirdo for even doing this, but it feels like if I don’t, then I don't know how to feel. I physically don't have the energy to do things like eat and sleep; all I keep thinking about is him.
He said he will text me on Tuesday, and I’m hoping he really does. My friends noticed this, and they said from the sounds of it, he probably won’t, but they said I can wait till Saturday. If he doesn’t by Saturday, I have to delete his texts. But I just know he will, and we will talk again and get back together.
I talked to my doctor and therapist about this a day before. With the doctor, I told him I have been feeling like this since I started university. And with my therapist, she said that from the sounds of it, you guys will talk it out and not break up. But after the breakup, I feel like what I felt during the relationship just accelerated so much, so fast I don’t know what to do. My doctor said he will put me on SSRI Sertraline for 8-9 months. I don’t know if that’s really a good idea because he said it will make me numb, but after the breakup, I just can’t wait to get on them.
My issue now is I’m seeing him on Tuesday, and even though I know it’s for the best if we don’t get back together, I don’t know—I feel like if I say the words and accept that fact, there is a whole other feeling of doom waiting for me. I’m seeing my GP on Wednesday for a blood test, and I’m seeing my therapist next week because she is on vacation right now. I want to talk to my doctor and get on meds and talk to my therapist before I see him. But I don’t know if I can wait for all that.
I have friends, but they are all in relationships, and they all said mine would be the first to break from the start. So now that it actually happened, I feel awful about reaching out to them. I talked to other friends I haven't reached out to in a couple of years, and they all try to reason with me, but I think I just frustrate them by saying I just want him. And I want to go back to those moments.
I want to get back together, and I want to try to make up for everything I did wrong. We already had a break in the past for a week because he said I stressed him too much and added things to his plate. I thought I stopped sharing stuff he didn't like anymore, but now I think I have a better understanding of what the actual issue was. It wasn't the topic but rather how I would talk about it at night and call him when he had work or exams. I want to take accountability for what happened on the trip and make it up to him by taking him on another trip. I will try my very best to ensure it's the best trip ever for him, where we can do stuff he likes, and I won't get drunk every night just because I'm away from home and want to try it for the first time.
I just don't want to accept the break up.
I just, I really don’t know what to do and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. No wait I know what I’m supposed to do I just don’t know if I can even put myself through that. So I just want to go back.
It got so bad last night that my parents, who rarely pay attention, asked what's going on. They said they're scared for you because of how you've been lately. And I feel like the only thing that will fix this is him. So I just want him. He always said I was too much and too obsessed because I would spend time making him handmade things or writing him letters. So I’m worried if we got back together, how will I stop that too?
I know I’m supposed to know what to do, and I know I should do what I feel is right, but if someone can please just give me a step-by-step guide on how to just go through this, then please. I’m so scared of the type of person I’m becoming, who just calls and texts someone who is already being blocked. And is thinking of getting back together and planning and begging to even though he said he doesn't want to. The only thing helping me go through till Tuesday is knowing, 'hey, I can go back to him then.' I don't even know if I want a relationship; I just want to be close with him and I just want to cuddle and be with him. He was my first for a lot of things, and I really thought he was my first and last, and to know this happened. This feels worse than anything I have ever felt in my life; it feels like even death itself is more peaceful than this.
I’m sorry for the long text, and I would really, really like to hear from anyone at least before this Tuesday, so 14/5, just so I know what to do because I really don’t know. I know that’s asking a lot, so you can leave it to just one word as well. I know I have probably taken up so much of your time from just this long text. And also, just let me know how to stop being manipulative to people because I feel like I was, and I always have been, especially when sharing my problems. I feel like even with him, I wanted his attention, even if it was bad when I was sad. I typed this out in a rush, so I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes I'm just noticing them now after posting
It feels so scary to even walk into my room. All the lego flowers, diamond paintings, pottery, origami, sculpture making, knitting, sewing, crocheting I did to wait for his text is all there. And i feel like all they do is just remind me that hey you nagged him during this whole relationship you deserve to feel like this for your whole life. And forget whole life I can’t even do 2 days. I think the only way to get through this is to get back with him but to do that I need to do better so how do I take accountability for everything I have and show him that yes I will do better and I will be better and you can trust me

I want to post in case this helps anyone else. I’ve always tried to manage my symptoms with SSRI only because I had a terrible reaction to the combo pill. Then I discovered it was prob just the estradiol and my Dr said do Slynd. It stops ovulation. No estrogen, no ovulation no PMDD??
Im on 50 mg of Zoloft but the last few months it felt like it stopped working and I was getting the rage with my family so I thought okay let’s try it.
first week: long period bleed, heavy 7 days then stopped, irritable and moody
second week: extreme boob pain and thirst, some days tired, some days good energy, 2 days really bad depression, from what I’ve read the 2 week mark can be tough
currently cycle day 17 and glad I pushed through because CD17 is normally my personal hell day and guys today was amazing! So much patience with my daughter. Had fun being social. Didnt hate anyone. NO ROAD RAGE! lots of creative energy.
im going to update this after the full 3 month trial but if an SSRI and Slynd together make the PMDD go away then I’ll do it. I’m 39 so hoping it makes Perimeno easier too
update: cycle day 21 and tremendously depressed, it’s making me scared. I contacted my doctor and honestly was so worried about trying BC, worried if this doesn’t work that i wont be able to function. I’m just so sad.
up update: forgot I drank a few nights ago and it possible rendered my Zoloft ineffective. Going to wait 4 days see if brain chemistry balances out, might not be the Slynd