What to say to your boyfriend to flirt

AITA I (28 F) live with my partner (31 M) we have a 3 year old boy we both agreed that I would be a stay at home mom. We live in an apartment that my brother was renting but then moved out of so he could move in with his fiancée on august of 2022 my brother had a baby and since him and my sister in law both work they asked me to babysit for them … they pay me $100 a week since I only babysit the days my brother works( he works 3 days one week and 4 days the other) the weeks he works 4 days I only babysit my niece 2 days because the other two is the weekend and since my sister in law is a teacher she doesn’t work . Trying to be nice I told my brother to not pay me directly the $400 a month and rather he use that money towards the rent we pay him . I’m not really a person that spends a lot and I know that if my son needs anything his dad will buy it . On march i told him I was going to tell my brother if he could give me the $400 instead of putting it towards the rent since I wanted to save up and get a new phone he had said that was fine but in the middle of April his mom called him(she lives in Mexico) she told him that they were going to propose to his sister and that since it’s tradition over there that the mother of the woman she needed to do some party/gathering but she didn’t have money so they asked him for $2,500 dollars (he makes $3,000 a month) he says yeah he can help out and asks when they need it by and they say that they are planning to do it in 3 - 4 weeks .. so my boyfriend tells me that if I could just put my $400 towards the rent still so he can send his mom money I said sure just pay me back. Last weekend he sent $300 leaving him with $400 for the week … that weekend was also the week I had to pay my Spotify and Hulu ( $40 in total) I had $25 I told him if he could give me the rest and he said no cause he had to put gas … today he told me “I don’t think I’m going to have enough to pay the rent” ( he only has to put $650) in told him idk how you are going to do it but you have to come up with the money somehow and he told me he couldn’t cause he still had to send his mom more money I told him that if we lived anywhere else they would kick us out on the spot( it’s been a couple of times my brother pays out of pocket the rent and we pay him back late) he then proceeds to tell me let him kick us out I rather help my family.. I told him ok so we are not your family or what? You rather send money for something that is not necessary than make sure your son has a roof over his head and he just told me I was an asshole that he was going to call his mom and tell her I was being an asshole … I get his family rarely asks him for money ( she’s only asked for money 3-4 times in the 5 years we have been together for her medical expenses) but I feel like throwing an “engagement party” is not a necessity. Am I the asshole?

Hey there. I’m 35F and I once had a friend who’s 33F. Her name is Sara. We were friends for over ten years and we connected because we were abused by the same man at different points of our lives. We healed together, bonded, and had a very close friendship. Sara was codependent with me. She vented about her personal issues a lot. Her family is in Mexico and she has no freaking support system so she was very overwhelming. She had anxiety problems, a chronic illness, and she got herself into a lot of abusive situations. I was there for her every time. She asked sometimes if she was “too much” but I felt I couldn’t tell her yes or I’d feel guilty. Tension between us got worse and worse cuz and she’d lovebomb and then make me feel bad for not being as enthusiastic about the… friendship. She was getting more and more toxic and I was pissed. She apologized and said it was best if we stopped being friends. I knew damn well she was right.
My husband and I were out with family. We learned that his brother’s girlfriend knew my (and Sara’s) abusive ex boyfriend. I told both of them about the abuse I went through as well as Sara’s experience (without saying her name) because Sara’s included financial abuse and physical abuse which is important to mention obviously.
Anyway months later I get a call from a familiar looking number. It’s my abusive ex. He was really mad that he lost a coworker friend because of a reputation caused by fake rumors which is annoying because he genuinely did abuse me and Sara and many others. I had no clue how he got my number but I said nothing and listened as he said something that sounded like it was about Sara (“I knew it was either you or your friend spreading this shit” blah blah I can’t remember). I hung up and blocked but my head was so hazy I instantly thought yeah it’s definitely Sara who gave him my number it only makes sense if it is.
I immediately left Sara a voicemail saying all kinds of really awful stuff I’d rather not repeat. It was along the lines of “every time something bad happens to you I hope you know you deserve it.” Sara was confused. Once I calmed down her confusion made me realize she didn’t do what I was accusing her of. She saw the uproar as some others were sending her “how could you do this” messages and she sent proof through her work email (LOL) that she didn’t even know my number or her abusive ex boyfriend’s and reminded me that she is scared to message him in the first place because he abused her too. She even sent her message history. She said she loves me (?) and regrets the way she treated me in the past but she swears she didn’t do what I accused of her.
Look, it was a bad moment but it really did seem like she did it. And I was not thinking straight with everything that happened. I was lost in my own anger and trauma plus I had no respect for her after she’d been such a bad friend in the past so I didn’t expect great things from her.
Flash forward to today. She thinks I don’t know her Twitter but I do. She’s going through a horrible health scare. As in, hospitalizations and lots of scans and procedures being led to more scans and procedures. Yup, she’s that childish and posts that kind of stuff. I noticed a little thread where she said to her fiancé (I think) that she “is so grateful that he’s there and tells her she doesn’t deserve it” and she can’t help but feel that way sometimes because “that voicemail you know about” and he was like “yeah well that person was an asshole.”
Or was this all just a misunderstanding during a really traumatizing time for me? Maybe we all sucked? I don’t know. I feel guilty so I wanted to talk about it here.
Sara, if you’re reading this, don’t try to message me all angry for posting or wanting to be friends again. Just ignore this.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and I am no longer happy in the relationship. It feels like we've struggling for about 3 or 4 years now and I'm at the point where I don't care where it started or who's fault it is, I just want it to be over. I'm afraid to spend time with him because if we spend longer than 30 minutes together we get into a fight. I'm not exaggerating, 9 out of 10 times we see each other we end up in an hours long shouting match.
I decided I want to end things about 7 months ago but I've been really struggling with self-worth issues that have been getting in my way. My therapist has been helping me through those issues and I finally feel like I'm in a well enough mental state to actually end it. I brought it up about a month ago that we should see other people. He was understandably upset but it felt like we reached the conclusion of splitting up. All he asked was that we sleep on the issue and talk about it again before we really decide to break up. I wanted to be respectful of his wishes and needs so I agreed.
Due to his work schedule we didn't see each other for about 48 hours before he asked me to go to lunch with him to discuss things again. It's always difficult for me to remember the specifics of our arguments, but basically he made me feel like it's my fault the relationship is failing, I haven't done enough to make it work, I'm wasting his time by not agreeing to marry him, and he feels like his values and beliefs have been thrown in the mud. I felt like a massive piece of shit. I couldn't think of anyway to defend myself or back up my decision to break up with him. I'll admit that I'm a fawning type people pleaser and that is definitely something I want to change, but in the moment all I could think of was making him feel better. I never really agreed to staying in the relationship, it's just kind of how things turned out.
Right now I think the only way I'll be able to end this without being talked out of it is if I just point blank say: "were breaking up. I don't want to hear what you have to say and I don't have to justify my decision to you. How long do you need to get your things out of my house?". That feels like a horrible way to end things after 8 years but I don't see any other options.
Would it make sense to end things this way? Or is there a more respectful option I'm not seeing?

Note: Eugene has wings in this fanepisode as well, that's still a theory - as is his mom's suffering a marriage crisis in season 2, based on a disagreement they may have over Eugene having been allowed to put himself in danger by the end of season 1 (don't worry, this theory also involves that they never actually divorce and reconcile at some point - and that there was far more to this argument than he thought, but that's saved for next chapter ;) Enjoy this one first :)
Cut to Vincent looking at a mural Xavier painted. Latter stands next to him, tapping his foot a little.
Vincent: Very nice. Though a little derivative of early Frida Kahlo, don’t you think?
Xavier: Why are you here?
Vincent: I did tell you it’s parent day.
Xavier: You never show up for parent day. So … (has to fight to keep going) … so could we just get it over with?
Vincent: (looks at him, unfazed, but cool) Alright, let’s cut the formalities.
He steps towards Xavier and fetches three little envelopes from the front pocket of his jacket. Xavier opens them – it’s flyers for other private schools. He freezes again.
Vincent: (pointing to one) This one’s in northern China. A rather militaristic school, but excellent teachers. And of course, Eton. (he points to another) You like black clothing now, I've heard.
Xavier: (stares at the flyers)
Vincent: I’ve sent your grades to each of them. They’d be happy to take you. By tomorrow even.
Xavier: (looks at him, half angry)
Vincent: You’re breaking school rules like an idiot. That is bothersome, Exavier. Very much so.
Xavier: (looks down at the flyers again, huffing a bit)
Vincent: It’s up to you. I don’t need you to be educated in America. But your friends do, right? And … (he leans over, looking at the flyers) … these aren’t the only schools on the list. And a few of them have rather insufficient internet.
Xavier looks at him, glaring, but not saying anything. Vincent observes him, completely unfazed still.
Vincent: Would you like to find out how many friends you’d have left after a few months?
Xavier: (slightly huffs, still not saying anything)
Vincent: Have I made myself clear?
Xavier: (looks down, nodding)
Vincent: (smiles) Excellent. *(he pats his shoulder and walks away, leaving him standing there and looking at the flyers in quiet anger)
Cut to Enid’s parents sitting about. Her mother seems a little gloomy. Enid reaches them, her father smiling at her.
Enid: Sorry I’m late, I talked to Ajax mom’s.
Esther: Hm.
Enid: (notices her look) I … I may spend spring break with them soon.
Esther: (looks at her disapprovingly)
Enid: (meeting her look bravely) They’d love to have me.
Esther: (after another moment of glaring) Aren’t you spending a little too much time with that boy?
Enid: (sighs) Why? He’s my boyfriend.
Esther: There are more important things.
Enid: (looking down) I spend enough time still with other people. You may have heard.
Esther: I have. (she puts down her food)
Enid: (sighing again) Mom listen – I know it’s school rules but … we’re not hurting anyone, the opposite even, and I-
Esther: I don’t care about school rules – nothing should be in the way of a wolf, dear. But your company…
Enid: (looks at her)
Esther: I talked to your wolf advisor. She said you’ve started to spend your wolfed out nights not with the other wolves, but – those other kids.
Enid: (chuckles bewildered) Other kids.
Esther: A fair bunch of weaklings, my dear. Runt of the litter, let’s be honest.
Enid: (stares at her)
Esther: And it’s nice that you care for them, but do that in your free time. (she leans forward) The full moon is for wolves. You need to bond with the pack.
Enid: I tried. They’re not for me.
Esther: (shakes her head a little at her) I don’t think you tried hard enough. Wolf nights aren’t times to be a chooser. Or difficult, Enid. You need to adjust to your position. Maybe that’s what you didn’t like.
Murray looks at his wife, uncomfortable.
Enid: I don’t like hierarchies, it’s true.
Esther: (sighs) Just when I thought we were getting somewhere.
Enid glares at her, then looks into the middle distance for a moment, then down – then starts chuckling.
Esther: What?
Enid: (smiles at her – then gets up and walks away – a few meters off, she turns) Wow. Sixteen years and you finally said something I can use.
They exchange a look, her mother’s face changing a little while Enid seems near tears. Her father sighs, looking down. Enid looks at her mother defiantly, then stomps away.
Cut to the pond. Pugsley is sitting around all alone, staring at the water. He goes to fetch something from his bag and pulls out a grenade. He pulls the pin and throws it, but before it can reach the water, someone flies in and kicks it to the side, where it explodes. Pugsley stares at Eugene, who raises an eyebrow at him.
Eugene: Now that’s not very nice.
Puglsey: Wasn’t supposed to be?
Eugene: (chuckles) So… what’s a kid who wouldn’t chose boarding school over home doing here?
Puglsey: (stares at him)
Eugene: (flies over and sits down next to him, looking at him attentively)
Pugsley: (shrugs) I wasn’t in the mood for my parent’s cheerfest for my sister today.
Eugene: Must be hard.
Pugsley: I can handle. One day I’ll show them all.
Eugene: (smiles a little at this, kinda getting it)
Pugsley: What about you?
Eugene: Me?
Pugsley: I may or may not have heard that your moms are about as insufferably loving as mine. So what brings?
Eugene: (sighs) I guess it’s that … I may have to check who of the two is more loving or something soon …
Pugsley: Rough.
Eugene: (shrugs) It’s fine. (quietly) We’re like other families, right?
Pugsley: (looks at him for a long moment)
They sit in silence for another one, then he fetches something from his bag. Cut to Eugene’s face – he flinches when he suddenly hears another grenade explosion nearby. He turns to Pugsley, who has thrown it.
Eugene: Dude! (holds his chest a little)
Pugsley: Explosions usually make me feel better.
Eugene: (stares at him – then bursts into giggles)
Pugsley: (smirks)
Eugene: You’re so like your sister.
Pugsley’s expression drops. He looks at him surprised - but not in a bad way.
Eugene: (shrugs) Little more fun maybe.
Pugsley stares at him with a little smile. Bewildered. Eugene wants to say something more, but in this moment, his mom calls him. He sighs, turning to them in the distance. Eugene sighs.
Eugene: Well, here goes. (he gets up)
Pugsley: Try not to fly into their faces.
Eugene: (chuckles, then walks down the dock) See ya, Pugs.
Pugsley: See ya… (he looks at him, furrowing his brows) ... what was it again?
Eugene: (smirks, walking backwards) My friends call me U. (he points fingerguns at him, then does a half a backflip into the air and flies over to his moms. As he does, the camera cuts to his face – he starts cringing at himself.)
Pugsley: (smiles, turns away again, staring back at the pond) U.

So there's this post of the best friend last 30th of October 2023.. it said..
May mga nag paparinig dito na kung mamas boy daw spineless. Huh? Who gave you the go-ahead na mag judge ng mga lalaki na mahal ang pinanggalingan nila? Ano ka perfect ? Na hindi ka privy sa pagiging nanay sa huli? h*e please kung hindi ka toxic na tao hindi ka magsasalita ng ganyan but then again looking at your egregious track record it seems like the toxicity easily just seeps through
And I had a shared post last 26th of October 2023..
Very major major problem and red flag talaga for me ang mama's boy, myghad!! Spineless! (My caption)
Shared post:
Hello __, nakakita nga ako ng lalaki na hindi cheater, hindi palabarkada, walang bisyo pero mama's boy. Lahat nalang ng sinasabi ko sinusumbong sa nanay. Well anyway, normal lang ba na mag 2nd thoughts if malapit na ang kasal nyo? Ang dami lang talaga tumatakbo sa isip ko hahaha.
Context:
Nagkabalikan po kami ng boyfriend ko last September 2023. We were together for 3 years when I decided to ask for a break up. No 3rd party nor cheating involved. For personal growth po namin and to realize certain things din. I didn't even entertain any men in my life pa nga in the span of me being single kasi I'm still waiting for him and it's the same with him. We were still friends too in fb and from time to time but not always, we still chat. But this best friend of his, I didn't do anything bad to him nor to the rest of their tropa. His bff unfriended me the moment na we broke up. And I didn't mind din naman since I am not a friend of his.They go way back since their grade school days pa.
I've just discovered that post of his recently kasi my boyfriend sent me a link to a video meme which directs me to his best friend's wall. So I kept scrolling since I got entertained by his bff's shared memes then I finally stumbled on that post.. At first I didn't mind, but then it felt kinda familiar. I checked my wall and I landed on this post I did. At first I was still sceptical and didn't wanna assume it was intended for me since hindi din namn kami friends na. But then I remembered na he once "haha" reacted to one of my past posts and hindi na kami friends that time. So how in the world did he end up there on my post when that was not even viral. And btw my mama's boy post wasn't even for any of them, para 'yon sa newbie work colleague na everytime may problem sya sa department namin, sinusumbong sa nanay na head ng ibang dept. and yung nanay ang nag co-complain sa admin 😮‍💨. I don't think they even mattered to me that I'd make a post solely for them. Never stalked any of them either. The thing is that si bff is a bit of a mama's boy. He's spoiled and kinda rich so parang na co-compensate na wala syang trabaho and lives with his mom. Also, I was still friends sa isang babaeng tropa nila na sobrang ma intriga talaga. Remember I was told that she thought that one of my post way back then na it was intentionally for her. Na pinaparinggan ko daw. I mean did it ever occur to her that she's merely just an acquaintance and I wouldn't even bat an eye kahit ano gawin nya sa life nya? I'm not even fond of her enough for me to dedicate any post towards her. She had a history of sending and saving ss and making intriga about it. I unfriended her when I discovered the bff's post and blocked her kasi she might be snooping around. Then I realized I'm still friends with her mom, tried looking for her sa friends list kasi nakita ko pa sya on that day sa list ko.. but then hindi na. I got blocked na bigla2. And brooo, that prying, snoopy little....
I also remember that my bf told me na his bff warned him jokingly that if we ever get back together, it'd be FO between them. Ako personally, although I have to admit I got hurt. I didn't do anything wrong to any of them, we only had a fair amount of interactions and for him to say that as if he hates me down to the core like he knew me. What irks me is that my boyfriend never once slandered any of his exes, never din nag hate boyfriend ko sa any decisions nya sa realtionships kahit na sobrang toxic nya na. Parang ang unfair para sa boyfriend ko.
I sent my bf a ss and he didn't know any of it. We talked in person but I tried to be calm and logical about it. I told him I understand if his friends hate me kasi parang automatic reaction din naman of the friends would hate the ex of their friend diba? And would slander the ex. They're not my friends but his, so I understand. I never slandered any one of them because that's not really my thing and it's beneath me. I really didn't wanna come off as a drama queen to my bf, I didn't wanna burden him but i was hurt. I didn't wanna make him choose since I'm afraid of what he might say, "bros before h*es" nga sabi nila. I'm so afraid that I could cancel everyone for him but maybe not him. I'm terrified that I am nothing against his bff and it tears me. I don't want to tell him to do something about it kasi dapat automatic na sa kanya yan. It would come off like I was begging him to do so. Kasi if he's in my place, I would definitely confront my friends. They don't have the right para murahin sya, hindi ko nga sya minumura. And I don't want him to feel bad talaga sa lahat ng bagay. I'd always cheer him up and encourage him. Inaalagaan ko sya then para lang murahin ng ibang tao na hindi naman sya kilala?? I won't sit idly by that.
Sometimes I'd watch yung segment ng showtime about exes, where some girlfriends were bullied by the people around their bfs and the guys didn't really protect their gfs. Especially yung May 16 episode na mas pinili yung best friend kesa sa gf 😢. Also yung April 17 ep na the girl was bullied too.

First time Reddit user, really struggling with what to do and need an unbiased opinion on how to proceed.
A bit more than two years ago, my friends and I were invited to a party by a friend of a friend (the mentioned acquaintance, K). I didn’t know at the time but it was a Welcome Home party for K’s ex-boyfriend D that their friend group was hosting.
I had met K and D a few times in social settings but wouldn’t say we were friends or anything. Long story short, D proposed, K said no, D ended the relationship and went solo traveling around the world for 2 years, K never got over him and planned to use the party to try and get back with him, D ignored her, D spent the party talking, flirting, and drinking with me and we slept together that night. Me and D never stopped talking and have been together ever since and we recently got engaged.
Throughout these two years, K has constantly tried to split us up. She has accused me of everything from manipulating to assaulting D. She constantly texts and calls me saying I ruined her relationship with her soulmate and calling me names. She had shown up to our place drunk asking to cuddle D. I tend to give people more chances than they deserve and always thought she would stop. I never blocked her in hope of her eventually accepting reality. She gave up around six months after the party but when I posted our engagement on instagram a few days ago, she is even worse and has been bombarding both my and D’s phones.
Me and D have a wonderful relationship. He’s smart, handsome, successful, treats me well, my family loves him, his family loves me, he checks everything I want in a life partner but K is getting to my head now and making me question if it really is wrong to marry the former almost-fiance of someone I know. D can sense I’m feeling down and has been giving me even more affection, cooking my favorite meals and buying me flowers more than usual just trying to cheer me up. I love this man with all my heart and don’t want to lose him but I’m not thinking clearly and need to know if it is somehow wrong to be engaged to and marry D?

I was forced to take VTO
I initially scanned my badge at the beginning of the shift because my boyfriend is my ride and he also scanned his badge. Come to about half way towards my shift I received a text: “You have been selected for a mid-shift VTO on Fri, May 17, 2024.” Please clock out at 00:06. The thing is the text was sent to me exactly at 12:06am. Im an AFM so I have to have a radio on me. The manager that showed up for our shift never radio’d me to let me know that I got VTO. In my past experience receiving VTO I would get called by my manager and they would ask me if I still wanted to go home (since I scanned my badge at the kiosk) and I would have to say yes or no and then they would scan my badge and I would clock out (if I said yes). There was no communication from the manager today. So naturally I started to freak out because I was still working and didn’t clock out when it said to. I radio’d the manager and let them know about the VTO notification and they called me down to the start up area. I went and she basically said that I shouldn’t have scanned my badge at the kiosk if I wasn’t sure I was gonna take VTO because I was stealing someone else’s spot. I felt attacked with her words because I was never told that scanning your badge guaranteed that you were gonna get selected and that you had to go home if you were. I told the manager that I wanted to stay and she said okay that’s fine. I went to check my A to Z and saw that my UPT went up even though I hadn’t clocked out after our 1st break so I checked my schedule and it stated that I had 6 hours and 24 minutes of VTO for my shift. The thing is I never stopped working since my manager said I could stay so it was about 1:30am now. I panicked and went to HR to explain my situation and they basically spoke to me as if I was the dumbest person in the world and said that I wasn’t allowed to change my mind if I scanned my badge at the kiosk. I told them that doesn’t make any sense because I’ve declined taking VTO after scanning my badge at the kiosk with my manager before. So hr called the manager up and we basically got into an argument about what scanning the kiosk meant regarding VTO. In the end, hr said that I wasn’t allowed to be on the premises because it was in their system that I took VTO. The manager said that they didn’t know that I wasn’t allowed to stay. I asked if there was anyone higher up I could speak to and they said no. I just feel really defeated. Can anyone explain to me if what happened to me was valid?
TLDR: scanned badge at kiosk for VTO and was never notified by manager I was selected and wasn’t allowed to deny VTO. Went to hr and they told me I had to go home so I did. Need insight on the situation.

I initially scanned my badge at the beginning of the shift because my boyfriend is my ride and he also scanned his badge. Come to about half way towards my shift I received a text: “You have been selected for a mid-shift VTO on Fri, May 17, 2024.” Please clock out at 00:06. The thing is the text was sent to me exactly at 12:06am. Im an AFM so I have to have a radio on me. The manager that showed up for our shift never radio’d me to let me know that I got VTO. In my past experience receiving VTO I would get called by my manager and they would ask me if I still wanted to go home (since I scanned my badge at the kiosk) and I would have to say yes or no and then they would scan my badge and I would clock out (if I said yes). There was no communication from the manager today. So naturally I started to freak out because I was still working and didn’t clock out when it said to. I radio’d the manager and let them know about the VTO notification and they called me down to the start up area. I went and she basically said that I shouldn’t have scanned my badge at the kiosk if I wasn’t sure I was gonna take VTO because I was stealing someone else’s spot. I felt attacked with her words because I was never told that scanning your badge guaranteed that you were gonna get selected and that you had to go home if you were. I told the manager that I wanted to stay and she said okay that’s fine. I went to check my A to Z and saw that my UPT went up even though I hadn’t clocked out after our 1st break so I checked my schedule and it stated that I had 6 hours and 24 minutes of VTO for my shift. The thing is I never stopped working since my manager said I could stay so it was about 1:30am now. I panicked and went to HR to explain my situation and they basically spoke to me as if I was the dumbest person in the world and said that I wasn’t allowed to change my mind if I scanned my badge at the kiosk. I told them that doesn’t make any sense because I’ve declined taking VTO after scanning my badge at the kiosk with my manager before. So hr called the manager up and we basically got into an argument about what scanning the kiosk meant regarding VTO. In the end, hr said that I wasn’t allowed to be on the premises because it was in their system that I took VTO. The manager said that they didn’t know that I wasn’t allowed to stay. I asked if there was anyone higher up I could speak to and they said no. I just feel really defeated. Can anyone explain to me if what happened to me was valid?
TLDR: scanned badge at kiosk for VTO and was never notified by manager I was selected and wasn’t allowed to deny VTO. Went to hr and they told me I had to go home so I did. Need insight on the situation.

Tl;Dr I'm probably going to have to tell someone I would probably fall in love with that I can't be anything with them because I'm crazy. The very painful part will be when she realizes it and moves on and gets with someone and I have to live with it. I hate my fucking brain.
This won't be a harsh self deprication vent, but I have recognized aspects of myself and that's why I chose to be single. It's something I try to work on and I give love a shot again but I always end up going down that same familiar road. And I don't like it. I put it in the same lack of self control and discipline as addiction. You can't fucking control it, it just happens.
I either just have been very very very unlucky or I've been gaslit to think I'm toxic....I don't really know, but the last relationship I was in was very bad...but the one prior to that was ok I guess now that I think about it. But I panicked and broke it off because things were going well. I want that hurt type of love, and I don't know why. I think the highs in a toxic relationship unload euphoric feelings throughout the body, but then when things are bad because someone may think they want space, I've been the spaced and the space-ee. Both ways it's a complete meltdown because the other person wants nothing else but to be with the other. Obviously this type of dynamic isn't healthy for anyone.
I've face book stalked my ex's, not in an obsessive way, but like a curious way, several years down the road. After the sting is gone. And I see them leading seemingly happy lives, and I am nothing's but happy for them. I've never reached out to anyone, just living my life. I'm 37 by the way. Longest relationship I was in was 4 years.
I know what unconditional love is. Means what it means, unconditional. You create a bond. And to me, that bond can never be broken. It can be stretched, but never broken.
I've fallen in love when I was 15 to someone that I still think about to this day. Our encounter was brief, but exciting. She ended up making out with my buddy who was dating another friend of mine and I made him tell. Me and the girl never talked until we were in our 20s. She professed her love for me, and I to her. But I was also with someone else I fell in love with. We never had the opportunity to build, and I was dealing with drama from the current girlfriend because she was cheating on me...that unconditional love? Yea, it fucking sucks sometimes...still love her to this day.
So now with the current girlfriend, her cheating, me smoking. She was deal breaker against it, but I'm addicted, so I snuck. I knew she knew, cmon, how dumb do you think I think she is? Anyone who sneaks it, your partner knows. And now it's easier because of vaping. But she equated that to a cardinal sin. Which I can't argue with that. Her perception of the world is what it is, and mine is mine. Remember that buddy that made out with my first love? When I was working 70hrs a week to help build a life, she was fucking him. They got married, moved out of state. I haven't talked to him in years. Fuck that guy. Maybe I deserved it, I wasn't prince charming. We both did bad, sucks because we love each other. There's a slim possibility she'll read this but probably won't comment on it, same as I do with hers. And there's no way for anyone else to guess who the other poster is.
So years pass and I date off and on with basically roommates, nine of them were terrible, but I never loved anyone and didn't care about feelings. So I stopped dating to work on myself. Thought I was doing great, went through an entire Sam Harris/Terrence McKenna phase. I learned transcendental meditation even though those quacks say you can't, lol ...fuck David Lynch. I can meditate into the void and float in the nothingness. I've sat in a closet for 8 hours, tripping on muahrooms to confront my demons. I took an ounce of mushrooms,.ground it up into a powder, mixed it in orange and lime juice and went into parallel worlds where I lived for years before waking up. I've seen all that there is to see inside my soul. But they still want to grab the wheel.
Met the 3rd woman at the shop I worked at. She was separated but the husband still would show up with their kids when we would meet up. That relationship was terrible. Shes an alcoholic and I though I could handle that, but the demons took over and I was reactive the entire time. She said she was manic but she self diagnosed. But she wasn't right. I don't blame her, she's a good person, unless you live with her. It ended very badly because I was too controlling and she was crazy. Not a good combo.
So it's been about 6 or 7 years and I feel good about myself. I have 2 vehicles. I work at an amazing place, I'm working on credit and all that stuff. I'm buying my parents house which will be et a steal and I can have farm animals and a garden. My health is decent and I could stand to loose about 40 pounds but other than. That? Like Im happy. I have a few animals that keep me company. But I do crave a friendship and I think older people know it's hard to have a best friend or a confidant. Someone you can just talk to any time, any day. People are busy. People have family's.
Now enter in this last week. Someone started working at the shop I work at. I think she's cute, so what, think a lot of people are cute. But she gives me that feeling. The same ones I got with the other loves. And it was always that instant. Maybe it's coincidence, maybe there's a scientific explanation for it, but I feel it with this girl. And goddamnit is she flirting from afar. I know, it's 50/50 that she is even flirting but I'm usually.riggt about these things. I can read body language. But I don't want it, I don't want to flirt with her. I don't want to make small talk. But I think that'll make her think I'm playing hard to get. I don't want to be in a relationship.

i made a "don't do list" because I can't seem to keep a girl or get past the talking stage and date seriously.
I made this list based on my conversation with the latest girl who's told me she's felt "overwhelmed" and had a change of heart about us,
even though we had a very passionate and open couple of months with each other.
This has happened before with a few other girls in recent years.
Thankfully this one was willing enough to hop on FaceTime to help me understand where she was coming from.
Physically financially and mentally/emotionally I am in a good place. 25yrs old. So this is SO confusing.
I am asking for help.
Is the below accurate to keep a girl interested for the long run?
Or am I just unluckily getting used for my body and good vibe?
Overwhelmed (Don't List):
Don't text a lot
Don't Stay over too many nights, even if she invites you
Don’t help her with her bad habits - even if she says she wants to stop them
Don't be there when she's packing
Going out don't make her feel like she's with her boyfriend
Don't make her feel like she's losing freedom to flirt
If your Actions are what you'd do with a girlfriend you're fxcked
Don't bring flowers or gifts
Don’t give too much effort or support
Don’t get groceries
Don’t talk to her parents
Don’t talk to her friends
Don’t call her romantic names
Don’t support her career
Don’t support her colleagues careers
Don’t let her compliments change your behavior
—
Thoughts ideas questions? Plz where am i going wrong

To start off with, I think it's great to have people around you who are better than you and who inspire you to do better. But my problem is figuring out how to deal with the inevitable one-upping that results from that. It's one thing for someone to be better than you and to be supportive of you. It's another when they're better than you and have to make it known that what you did was nothing to them.
I had a personal trainer, and obviously, he was in much better shape than I was and knew WAY more about health and fitness. But this wasn't off-putting at all, because he was so kind and encouraging and would genuinely get so excited about my wins. It didn't matter that he could do way more than I could because we both knew what I did was an achievement for me, and it was nice to have that recognized.
My family and boyfriend on the other hand... I hate sharing accomplishments with them, because I know they'll just one-up me. For instance, I'll mention that I just went on my longest run ever in my training for my first half marathon, and my brother will start talking about the ultras he's done. And it's like... I get it, you're really impressive, the distance I did is nothing to you... But it's a PR for me... And now I feel awful about my PR because it just doesn't compare to running 30+ mile races.
Obviously, these are just fitness-related examples, not at all representative of the extent to which this happens. But they seemed the best examples off the top of my head because of how polar opposite they were, with one person celebrating my win with me while the other person instantly has to beat it.
How do you deal with this? I'm trying to be more confident, but having grown up with this and dealt with this for so long, my self-esteem is so bad. I'm not sure how you get people to stop one-upping. I get that everyone wants to feel good about themselves, and one-upping is an easy way to do that. But it really hurts being constantly one-upped. There's an extent to which it's motivating, but past that, it's the opposite, because it's like nothing I do matters because everyone else is so much better than me, it feels like. Do you just say that? Or would that be no good?

I am 26F belong to a non-Brahmin non-veg eating family. My boyfriend 27M belong to a very strict Brahmin family. We have been dating since 3.5 years and recently started taking about getting married. My family is quite liberal and is okay with it but his family is paranoid about marrying a non veg eating person. My boyfriend family is very much against is getting married saying that your kundli is not matching this is very bad for our house our customs are different and we will not have a good marriage and their “society” is not okay. FYI I don’t live in India or neither me or my boyfriend have plans to settle in India. My boyfriend has tired to convince them that it will be okay and I won’t eat non-veg when they are at home and things like that. I think they care more about what other people will say than about their child’s happiness. After a year of convincing them the parents are like your son is threatening us to not get married hence we will agree to get you married. They also want a very small wedding which I am not okay with as my parents are paying for the wedding and we are very social people and want to invite all your relatives to it? My boyfriend parents also gaslight me into thinking that this won’t work and are asking me to breakup so that the blame won’t be on them. I really love my boyfriend and want to marry him but I feel his parents are toxic and will create issues in my marriage. Please give any suggestions I am confused?

Yesterday I found out my bf and father of my child cheated on me with a women he sees out of town. He lost all of his money and I was very understanding of his situation. We lived together, I paid all the bills, and things and then I got pregnant. He wanted me to have an abortion because he said we couldn’t afford a baby. I didn’t do it and I feel that’s when he started treating me pretty badly. And would disappear for weeks on end. I was in and out of the hospital and he wasn’t there for me flash forward im 5 months pregnant and we reconciled and went on a vacation out of town. I asked him about a women I was concerned he was messing with and he denied it saying she would give him things for his mom. I believed it because I didn’t want to fight with him again. On the drive back he was arguing with someone over text, he wouldn’t talk to me and didn’t wanna speak and turned his music on. When I asked him what was wrong he said he was having a disagreement with the other mother of his child. I put two and two together now and he was fighting with his other women. When I got back to my house and he got back to where he was staying I had seen him every day until this past Saturday and then he disappeared for 5 days. I realized he was doing it again. I went to the other women’s page and she was posting about my boyfriend she didn’t state his name but I inferred and she had a k in her bio. Which is the beginning letter of my boyfriend’s name. So I messaged her. She didn’t respond until six hours later and she confirmed she was seeing my boyfriend by saying “ yes I am seeing him , he’s my husband. “ I sent it to him and he responded with “your dumb. “ what do I do? And what do you think!

I am 26F belong to a non-Brahmin non-veg eating family. My boyfriend 27M belong to a very strict Brahmin family. We have been dating since 3.5 years and recently started taking about getting married. My family is quite liberal and is okay with it but his family is paranoid about marrying a non veg eating person. My boyfriend family is very much against is getting married saying that your kundli is not matching this is very bad for our house our customs are different and we will not have a good marriage and their “society” is not okay. FYI I don’t live in India or neither me or my boyfriend have plans to settle in India. My boyfriend has tired to convince them that it will be okay and I won’t eat non-veg when they are at home and things like that. I think they care more about what other people will say than about their child’s happiness. After a year of convincing them the parents are like your son is threatening us to not get married hence we will agree to get you married. They also want a very small wedding which I am not okay with as my parents are paying for the wedding and we are very social people and want to invite all your relatives to it? My boyfriend parents also gaslight me into thinking that this won’t work and are asking me to breakup so that the blame won’t be on them. I really love my boyfriend and want to marry him but I feel his parents are toxic and will create issues in my marriage. Please give any suggestions I am confused?

so me and my boyfriend are planning to live in canada since ill be taking a masteral course, and he will be applying for an open work permit. not gonna lie, were also doing this as a pathway to be a resident because damn living in the ph sucks. anyways, were torn between choosing which province are we going to live in. the agency that we talked to are offering ucw in vancouver, and unf in ontario specifically niagara falls. i know damn right that vancouver is expensive af, but as were doing our research, a lot of people says niagara isn't a nice place to live in mainly because of the job market, drug problem and the govt itself.
is it worth living in vancouver even though its expensive? is the job market in vancouver good? are the ones who said that niagara is a bad idea just picky? should we just live in niagara since its cheaper?
so what do you guys think? help your girl out. 😭

My current boyfriend is my first, and we have been together for the past 3 years (he courted me for a whole year during our first year of college) and the years with him have been the best in my entire life. I used to take anti-depressants before I met him but since we got together I have never been more happy my entire life.
He is the sweetest man ever, he's a gentleman and he's never mad and he never let misunderstandings and other things blow off proportion. He's very protective but also very carefree and trusting, he knows just what to say whenever I feel down and is always understanding even when I'm being super unreasonable. He's also the one who remembers important dates, events, and details about our relationship and he's always been thoughtful. In summary, I hit a jackpot, he's the perfect one - except for one 'flaw'. He have a girl best friend since he was a baby and they have always been together.
He's very protective and attentive to her, many said that they thought that he (let's call him Paul for story's sake) would end up with her (let's call her Allie) because they're tight-knit. Paul has always been Allie's protector, always there and taking care of her since childhood. So I guess it was a natural assumption to make.
Allie's very clumsy, and to be frank I think she has very low EQ, she's always so blunt and out of touch and very useless in anything physical even chores (she can't even swim and ride bikes), I think it has to do with her rather sheltered childhood, I've known of her and Paul since childhood since they just live a couple of blocks away from us and we attend the same school since daycare. She was a very sickly child up until middle school, when I say sickly I really mean it, that poor girl's in the hospital more often than not and people gossip that she should have been homeschooled.
So for the longest time I never really minded that Paul adores her and takes care of her. To be honest, their relationship, to me, looks more like a parent to a child or a brother to his younger sister. It was rather adorable, the way he attends to her that I keep thinking that he would make a really good father.
So, what's the problem? Well, I never really minded it for the longest time, Allie is a darling, thoughtful in her own way, and her chatter when she's passionate about something (more often than not, it's rather morbid like true crime, bloody history, etc.,). And really, Paul has never made me feel like I'm a second choice, he's very thoughtful and intuitive with my needs, but recently, people I talked to have been saying that I should be more assertive.
They say that a man can never have a girl best friend without strings attached or something like that. I didn't really pay attention to it that time, because it's not like Allie and Paul do anything worth getting jealous or possessive over, or at least that's how I have always felt. Allie rarely joins us and even helped me with my thesis and other stuff, she's always been thoughtful about my relationship with Paul and I know she declared that she's not interested in relationships even as far back as high school. I have always had a good relationship with her. Paul too, he always goes out of his way to ensure that his attention is always on me whenever we're together. It was all good.
But these past few days have been tough, both mentally and physically, and I find myself thinking about what people say about Allie and Paul. I know them, and I know they're good people, to be honest, I think Allie is too honest for such backstabbing, and Paul, too nice. But I can't help but think about it at random times, and I keep overthinking and overanalyzing every little thing.
Paul has been asking me about what bothers me but how can I say it? How can I say that out of nowhere I'm jealous and insecure? I asked my best friend (let's call her Jade) and she said there's nothing to be all insecure about since Paul clearly loves me and Allie isn't really interested in such things. I wish I could believe her, but other people keep saying that it's suspicious, it's inappropriate, or some nasty things. I don't know what to think about anymore.
Please, I need your advice. I don't know how to address this, and I don't really hate Allie at all but my brain is so uncooperative, it's been stressing me out more than anything and we're nearing graduation, I don't want to let it consume me and I have seen a similar post on TikTok and Reddit so I revived this account just for this. Thank you for your help.

I (F 28) have been thinking about this for days, and I can't reach a verdict, so I could really use some outside perspectives. I'm not looking for validation, so I'll try to be as objective as I possibly can.
My mom married a foreigner a couple years ago which meant she couldn't come back until her paperwork went through (it took almost two years.) For this Mother's Day, she finally got her papers, so she planned to come back and stay with me for a month. We were all very excited (me, my aunts, uncles, grandparents, my mom), and when she finally got here we couldn't be happier. I know we both prepared a lot for this trip and we had a lot of plans.
But then, 5 days into the trip, her husband got diarreah and the next day he had a stomachache so she decided she needed to go back and take care of him. I was incredibly sad, and the more I thought about it the angrier I got.
Why? Because when I was in college, I needed surgery after an accident and she decided to go to South Africa to visit her boyfriend. I won't go into detail, but I can say that the accident and everything it entailed was the most traumatic experience of my life. I still have to deal with the mobility issues and the pain that originated then.
The fact that she decided to buy the tickets after finding out I needed surgery haunted me for years. My mom (by her own admission) is not good with medical related care and empathy, so years later she kept invalidating my physical pain and thought I was wasting money on doctors because she "also feels pain sometimes, that's how it is." Finally, a couple years ago we talked about it for the hundredth time, and maybe it was my desperate sobbing, but she finally listened and she apologized. She said she did what she thought was best because she was trying to rebuild her life and trying to give us a better future. We promised we wouldn't bring it up in future conflicts.
Fast-forward to her choosing to go back home, I have to admit I had emotional flashbacks to the surgery. I couldn't stop feeling like it was OK to abandon me when I was going through hardship, but God forbid his husband had a tummyache, because that was enough to cancel her whole trip.
I was very upset, I told her so after she asked, and I asked her to give me some time to work through my feelings. She kept asking why I was feeling so bad, if she was the one going through a hard time, and after a long disclaimer of "I'm not telling you to recriminate, reproach or trying to make you feel bad about it, I'm just explaining why I feel like this", I told her I was specially upset because it reminded me of my accident and the surgery. She said that I didn't keep my word and I broke our promise. I told her I was not looking for a fight, but I could not control what I was feeling. She said I had promised I was going to work on it. I told her I did, and that's why I could talk about it without crying (I worked on it in therapy.)
We had a huge fight in which she kept telling me I broke my promise, I was full of hatred and resentment and I was selfish. I told her I couldn't control my feelings, I was not trying to reproach her, and I just wanted time to work on what I was feeling. I was rude. No swear words or shouting, but I did raise my voice and I told her how she kept on disregarding my feelings and how she was always looking for a Boogeyman to justify her choices. I was cynical and sarcastic to everything she was saying (a constant commentary of how I'm full of resentment, don't know how to keep my word, and only think about myself.)
I can admit it was selfish of me to not be supportive and understanding of her situation. She was very sad she had to cut her trip short. But at the end of the day, it was her decision to go back because her husband had a stomachache. Now, to be fair, her husband is much older than her. And he eats terribly. He is very healthy, but you never know, I guess. His daughter took him to the hospital, where after receiving the worst medical care for almost a week, he was sent back home with some Tylenol and antibiotics (they couldn't find anything wrong with him.)
I know my feelings were selfish, but I also don't think I broke a promise by being sad and angry.
After thinking about it, I've realized that I thought we were a team (my dad was very abusive so it always felt like I was my mom's guardian and we had each other) and I didn't think her husband was that relevant. I felt like when you realize the person you think is your best friend doesn't feel the same way, but a thousand times worse. And that's on me, I know. I clearly have to work on it.
But I cannot bring myself to apologize. I don't think I was an ah. I don't think she was an ah either, at least not for going back, but I do think she was an ah for her whole speech of "broken promises and full of resentment." She's now asked me if it wouldn't be better not to contact her while I'm so full of hatred and resentment towards her (she actually said," like you do with your father". You know, the one I'm low contact with because of the abuse. My siblings are NC bc they are smarter than me). I told her if she didn't want me to talk to her she just needed to say so. But that I would follow her request if that's what she wanted and not talk to her again. She told me to "do whatever the hell you want, I'm not scared of your threats." Aitah?

My husband (33M) and I (32F) gathered our friends and family together at our new house we are building before the drywall went up. We even flew out a couple people. We had everyone sign well wishes, prayers, or Bible verses on the beams.
There is one of my husbands friends (his best friends wife) that I’ve had a strained relationship with ever since my husband and I got engaged. My husband and I dated well less than a year before he proposed. We’ve been friends since we were in high school but always had other relationships going on at different stages in our lives.
His best friend and now wife, who we will call Zilla, had been dating nearly a decade with no ring. When we announced our engagement, she was horrible to me and at one friend gathering, other friends in our circle were congratulating us and wanted to see my ring and Zilla huffed really loud, threw her hand up and stormed off, grabbing her then boyfriend and left without saying goodbye (he did say bye).
Any time we were asked about our wedding, she had a disgusting look on her face and acted upset. She finally bullied and hissy fitted her way into a ring a month later because my husband’s best friends life was miserable any time we or our pending wedding got brought up. THEN all she wanted to do was talk about her wedding and complain how stressful it was and just wanted it to be over. Also to add, she planned her wedding less than a month after ours and we both were asked in be in the bridal party. She even had her mother call my then fiancé to ask why I didn’t have a bridesmaid dress 6 months before her wedding - mind you, I didn’t have my wedding dress yet. Zilla essentially made the year of our wedding hell and made everything about her. She and her now husband even went as far as to threaten not to come to our wedding if we did certain things for our wedding that they wanted to do for theirs, which genuinely hurt because if you truly love us, why withhold your company on one of the most important days of our lives.? Especially over details on someone else’s day??
Fast forward back to now, and my husband and I asked everyone over to our building to sign the beams and pop open the bottle I bought a couple years before, just for this occasion. All of our friends have children that are walking and talking. We haven’t had any children. My husband is over the moon that I’m pregnant, which I was worried about because we didn’t plan on having children. He was excited to announce at our gathering that we were expecting because everyone that was closest to us would be there.
Everyone showed up, took a tour of the layout, congratulated us and showed a lot of excitement for something we’ve wanted for a long time, a perfect and custom home of our own. Everyone signed beams - I’m truly in love with this idea and it’s so comforting to know we have love and prayers, verses and well wishes on the very bones of our home behind the now erected walls. A part of me wants to be resentful that Zilla signed anything but she did a Bible verse so, I can’t really be upset at that.
We popped open the bottle of champagne and made sure everyone had a glass and my husband made a toast and added our exciting baby news. Everyone was hooping and yelling “WHAT” “ARE YOU SERIOUS”. And Zilla said, “NO WAY! ME! TOO!” I couldn’t fix my face when she said this. I went from smiling and laughing hugely to not at all and just looking at her.
I know other people in their friend groups would be thrilled but I felt like she stole our moment. She had her moment when she was first pregnant. Which she also stole another friends moment and mistreated them when they got pregnant before her, until she finally got pregnant. Also, the last time Zilla was pregnant, that’s all she could talk about and she was miserable to be around if it wasn’t about her. And now I feel like I’m back to the year of our wedding where I’m sharing in a life event and I couldn’t just have a friend be happy for my husband and I. She couldn’t even congratulate us. She made it about her.
I was looking at Zilla and my husbands best friend and heard myself say, “Congrats!” And then I walked away. My husband and husband’s adopted parents (My MIL & FIL is what I refer to them as) followed me and I got in our car. My MIL climbed in the passenger seat and I was crying and upset. My husband opened my car door, hugged me and was trying to soothe me. He teased me that we should’ve seen that coming, she never lets anyone have their moment. I didn’t tell them bye and left with my MIL and my husband and FIL stayed behind until they left.
I wanted to flip out and tell her about herself. I’m still debating doing so but I’m afraid I’m not thinking clearly because of all the hormones. AITHA?

(Long post please read everything) Around like 5 years ago I started working at this fast food place and when I went to the job interview, I had to wait at the front for like 5 minutes and I remember there was this guy that worked there that I thought was hot, while I was waiting at the front I noticed he kept looking/staring at me and making eye contact the whole time. He would look at me, then maybe look away to do something else but then kept looking back at me with eye contact. I noticed him even looking at me during my interview. I remember thinking wow, ok that he definitely had some interest because of him doing that.
When I first started working there and we had the same shifts, he wasn’t staring or looking at me anymore. I didn’t really think anything of it.
At the time I was going to community college and took the bus there every day. I was taking the bus one morning and a few stops later I see him get on and sit down and I remember thinking wow this is weird I had no idea he also goes to the same community college and also takes the same bus? And just thinking how weird it was. Just initially he didn’t notice me or sit by me. Then something really weird happened, halfway through the ride the bus got into an accident and hit a car on the side while switching lanes and it had to pull over and everyone had to get off and walk to the next bus stop and wait for the next bus to come. Something like that’s never happened before, super weird. So everyone was walking to the next stop and I remember I wasn’t expecting him to say anything to me at all and I kind of forgot about it and wasn’t paying attention to him just walking.
Then someone behind me taps me on the shoulder and I look and it’s him and he just says hi and is smiling and asked like “hey do you work at (the job)” or something then he just starts talking to me I think we just talked about work or something but everything seemed fine. He was talking to me like he was interested in me, like friendly he would just make conversation and ask me about work I don’t even remember what else he would talk about. I would get kind of nervous/ my mind would go blank around him because I liked him and I was just happy he was always talking to me. I remember I would sometimes see him when taking the bus to school. But the thing is literally every time we would both be on the bus he would always go out of his way to come and sit by me and talk to me. So I also thought obviously that must have meant he was interested in me because why else would he have done that? To me if he wasn’t interested (not even a little) he would’ve just ignored me on the bus and never sat by me or talked to me. When he would talk to me, his body would just be facing straight forward but he would be looking at me the whole time talking to me. Sometimes he would sit with a very open body, while sitting next to me or talking to me. I also remember him telling me one day how him and a couple of the other shift leaders/ managers would hang out outside of work at one of their houses and play video games. I also remember him telling me that he went to a concert with one of the managers at work, like they went there together and hung out there.
Also around this time I found his Instagram and just followed him and didn’t say anything. He followed me back right after and never mentioned it or acted like it was weird I did that.
He would always talk to me on the bus, but whenever we were at work together I would never see him looking at me and he usually would never talk to me like during the time we were working. He would act different at work I don’t know why. I think a few times I saw him at work before clocking in and I would say hi and he would seem relaxed and talk to me/ be the same as on the bus but that’s it.
I would do this thing during our shift where if it got slow/ empty for a moment I would go over to his area (the grill which was right next to the drive through window) and I would say hi to him or just start talking to him. Also I noticed almost everyone else that worked there would do the same thing with each other all the time so I wasn’t the only one doing this. Sometimes I would get kind of giddy and start laughing a lot (not on purpose it would just happen) he would respond to me, he wouldn’t act rude but not be super talkative. Then one day when I went over and talked to him, this one shift leade manager who was in her 40s and always really rude/ nasty saw me doing that and very loudly was like “uh uh, I don’t think so! that’s fraternizing at work! He has a girlfriend you know that right?” And I got embarrassed as soon as she said that and she was like “yeah that’s right!” I went back in my area and they said something to each other I didn’t hear what but it was a few words back and forth, and ended in the manager kind of making this face and laughing and he just sort of shrugged and was kind of smiling. I have no idea what they said I couldn’t hear. Then they just went back to working and acted normal for the rest of my shift then I left.
Then after that day when I came in to work, he started to completely ignore me and act very cold and completely different. I went up to him at work and tried saying hi to him and he literally just completely ignored me. At first I wasn’t sure if he heard me or not, but he had to have because everyone else around him heard me and was looking at me. I think later in the shift I tried saying something to him again and he still completely ignored me. Also whenever he did this the other guys working in the same area as him were watching and would start laughing but more like lowkey not like super loud and obnoxious. I had no idea why he was doing this I remember being very upset and humiliated.
After that day he started doing this every day and ignoring me, every day I saw him at work he was super cold about it. This continued for the rest of the time I worked there and he never spoke to me again. Total 180 and it was just super out of the blue too. I’ve thought maybe it was because of that one manager that said “he has a girlfriend” but they said something to each other then just kind of laughed and didn’t say anything else after that so I don’t know if that was the reason for this.
About a month after this started, I went in the employee handbook and found his phone number and texted him… I know now this is weird and I shouldn’t have done this but at the time I was really upset and desperate and didn’t think it would be a big deal. I just kind of did it. I just said hi or something but I also said it was me in the text. I did not say anything inappropriate or crazy.
He never responded but the next time I came into work, one of the shift leaders/ managers (the same one that he was friends with and said he hung out with) said he needed to have a talk with me. He pulled me aside and we went into the break room, he said he told everyone to not come down there. He told me that the guy “told a manager” that I texted him and that’s why we were having this talk. He said that most of the managers/ other coworkers know about this situation now and he told me that this guy said he doesn’t know what’s going on between us but he doesn’t like it and wants it to stop. He said that the main manager doesn’t know about this yet and that hes stopping this now so she doesn’t find out, and if she finds out me and the guy would probably get fired. He also told me that if I try talking that guy again, that the guy was going to tell me to stop and he was NOT going to be nice about it. So I better just back off to save myself. Which I remember thinking was so odd because when I talked to him he did not seem like this asshole jerky guy at all so it was bizarre that the manager was saying this and that all of a sudden he literally hated me? And this behavior from him happened just out of the blue with seemingly no trigger so the whole situation was just so weird. During this talk the manager also told me that it was NOT OK that I was going up to him during shifts and talking to him and that it was fraternizing at work and we could both get fired. Then I told him that I saw literally most of the people that worked there talking to each other during shifts, other guys and girls doing it too so why was it not a problem when they did it but a huge problem only when I did it…. I don’t remember exactly what he said but I think he told me that doesn’t happen and that I was remembering wrong. He also said that you are not supposed to talk to coworkers at all outside of work. Which I told him how that guy told me about how they hung out outside of work at one of their houses to play video games and also went together to a concert. He told me that they didn’t hang out together at the concert that they just both happened to be there with their own friends, they unknowingly ran into each other, said hi then went their separate ways. I didn’t remember exactly what that guy told me but I’m pretty sure he said they went to that show together. He also told me to never speak to that guy again, he said don’t look at him, don’t talk to him, don’t talk about him, just act like he doesn’t even exist and just come in, do your job and leave. He told me he was going to bring him in right after me and tell him the same thing.
After that talk I felt totally horrible. I felt like I was a total creep or something like I made someone so uncomfortable like he/ everyone thought I was a creep. I obviously never texted him or tried talking to him again at all after this. The next time I came into work everyone got really quiet when I walked in and everyone was staring at me… I specifically noticed this one girl who was a shift leader. She never stared at me or acted like she even noticed me before but this day as soon as I came in she just was really quiet and stood there and stared at me for like a good 5-10 minutes just looking me up and down. She would look away and do something but kept coming back to look at me. It was very uncomfortable and I felt ashamed and embarrassed after that and started to feel bitter about not having him in my life anymore and not having friends or possible love interest.
Then I noticed they kept scheduling me and him to work at the same time in the morning, and this same girl shift leader was the shift lead that worked every morning when we would come in. He obviously was still ignoring me but I noticed that during his breaks, he would go over to her and talk to her for the whole time but both of their body language was like heavy flirting. He would be standing very close to her and he would always be leaning on the counter but also leaning towards her at the same time. And he would have his hand/arm on the counter resting almost around her. She would mirror his body language minus the arm. While they were doing this she would also do this thing where every couple minutes or so she would turn around, look at me and hold eye contact for a few seconds while smiling, then look back at him and continue talking. He never looked at me again, and wouldn’t even come near me again. After they were done talking she would come over to my drive through area, make a drink then walk back and give it to him.
They would do this literally every day I worked with them which was only once a week then because I started going to a new school. I even remember after that talk with the manager he would talk with this other girl (and that one shift lead) he was friends with there, the same way the manager told ME was NOT ok to do, in front of everyone even managers literally no one ever said a word to them about it. Literally no one cared when they did it, but it was a huge issue when I did it. A couple of other kids even started dating a little bit after this and I would even see them kissing in the back and no one ever said a word to them about anything. I ended up quitting a couple months later because I was so upset about the whole situation.

Hey girls, I really need your advice on something. I don't have any close female friends or any friends, really, and I'm trying to figure out if I'm overreacting or if this is a real issue.
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So, my boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for nearly 5 years. We haven't met yet but plan to in a couple of months.
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Here's the deal: My family and work environment are pretty toxic. Despite being a top performer at work (my boss is great, at least), it's made me a bit of an outsider, and there's a lot of gossip about me. This has been stressing me out a lot. I've been spending weekends locked in my room, crying and not eating. I talked to my boyfriend about needing a break and suggested we take a short trip during his long weekends (we have a 13.5-hour time difference). He agreed to plan something, but it's been over a month with no action from him.
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On the flip side, he's super attentive to his sister and family. He's always tuned into what she needs, her feelings, and where to take her. They go out a lot, and he often surprises her with things. I don't want to feel jealous—she's a great girl—but I can't help it. It feels like she's getting all this time and attention that's also diverting his focus from me. I know it's not her fault, but it's hard not to feel sidelined.
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Additionally, whenever I express interest in something or say I want something, he either ignores it, gets awkward, or jokingly says I always want one thing or another. It's making me question whether I should even share things with him.
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I've given him plenty of ideas and offered to help plan our trip, but nothing. I get that life gets busy, but I was hoping he'd step up for once. It's making me realize he's never really surprised me with anything, taken initiative, or even bought me a gift. He only acts when I'm upset and a mess, and it feels like I'm begging him at this point.
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What do you girls think I should do? Please help.

AITA. This is a throwaway account. I 21 (f) is living with my mother 45 (f). I have 2 other siblings, an older sister and a younger brother. Something happened earlier, I was doing my project when she started to police me about it, which is not the first time, I have been full of her bs so I just said, "you do it". I mean I did not mean to make her feel bad, but I just don't feel anything for her, no respect nothing. Just pure hatred deep within me. Let's break down to you why.
Idk if I'm the ahole or what anymore. So I really need an outside view or opinion. It will be long so please bear with me.

1. Ever since I was young, I don't remember anything sweet she did for me besides a hug, once, it's late at night, we're in bed and it's raining and our house was being built.
2. She has always favored my older sister, I'm a middle child, which my older sister says I'm the black sheep of the family. She's the golden child, never did anything wrong. Once I was eating, she dipped her hand on my cup of water, I told my mother (I don't even want to call her my mother, it disgusts me so much, all i think of her is a biological mother, she's never a parent to me she's a f*cking piece of sht) 3.All the times she tried to discipline (h!t) my sister, I can count, twice. One of them I'm being h!t as well, with a plastic PVC blue pipe, I remember a part of my btt was with a white line because of that pipe. -- I'm starting to cry already while typing this, I don't think I'll ever fogive her for everything she did to me.
3. One time I have a choir practice, I was playing (I was elementary) with my friends under the mango tree, she started calling me on my keypad phone, I got home, my little brother was a baby at that point, she went to me, pshed me to the floor, held my hair and started pulling and pushing back and forth. I didn't cry. Why? Because I'm used to it. After that I was sitting down, she thrw a baby bottle on my head. And that wasn't enough for her, when my father came back from work, she told him about it, I was about to go to the bathroom to pee, my father got the Arnis stick and started bating me. I ped on my skirt. It felt so humiliating for me, I still hate him to this day because of it, I try to forget, sometimes I do, but when I remember it, it still makes me angry.
4. One time I was also playing with my neighbors, she called me to eat lunch but I don't want to eat yet, what did she do? She got the blunt meat knfe we have and started to sort of push it down my bare leg. I saw the mark, thank God it did not cut through. --im brwling my eyes out right now, it's been years yet it still makes me cry everytime I think about it.
5. I was a majorette (someone who dances in festivals, we were wearing t!ny skirts, I was 11 years old at this point I think) I told her I don't want to go, I was just eating lunch at that time, yk what she did? She took the wooden broom and the wood part, she h!t me on my leg, there were marks of it that turned a bit red tiny blood clots so it looked like a wund. She asked me to borrow concealer from the neighbor and she applied it on where she h!t (bot of my legs have it) and told me if someone asks me what those are, I'll just say I fll on a rock. Which my teammates asked what those are as those little sk!rts shows my legs.
6. When she's mad that I don't answer as respectful as she wants, she pnches me on my arm, I still remember i was next to the wall, she was pnching me non stop, I'm just looking, because turns out, after a few pnches, the pain is gone, just pressure. She also pnched me again and again in from of my father when I got home late once when I was in highschool, my father was just laying there, I'm just looking until maybe he felt bad and started to stop her.
7. One day I went home a bit late from school, she h!t me with a metal ladle you use for cooking.
8. When I was 11, I got a crush, we became in a relationship for 1 day then he brke up with me, yk, puppy love, I was extremely hrt, so I wrote it down a paper to give him but I don't really want to give it, I just wrote it, then I slept. The day after, morning, I have to go to school, she was so angry at me. I already knew why, she was putting the laundry on the rack, I was eating, she was pnching my arm then going back to put the clothes up, then pnching me hard on my arm then pnching while saying obscenities to me, that I'm a slt, cursing, etc.
9. One night I remember, she was angry at me idk why, she was about to h!t me with a whole metal fan, then st*bbed me on my leg with a ballpen, though it's not that deep.
10. I was in school (11 at that time) in front of other children and parents I just ate lunch, we have a wood project to make this tiny stool to sit on, I dont want to do it and I wanted to play, what she did? She h!t me on my leg with the metal hammer, my bone did not shatter, so still good ig.
11. My grandma was in the house, she was angry at me again, she h!t me with a wooden broom, I remember my grandma said, 'dont hit your children Infront of other people', in my head was like "oh she's so kind, but wouldn't it be possible to not h!t me at all?" Sometimes she's b*ating with a remote of the tv until it's all over the place, which I think is still light compared to everything.
12. I remember, I think I was 8 at that time or 9, I was laying on my stomach, my father was bating me with a wooden thick stick, and I don't have a memory of how it ended or whatever, until a few months ago we have to go to church, I went to where our car is, my father was in the store next to it talking to our neighbors who owns the store, he's like 'when *me was young and he was bating me, I pased out, he was confused to why I wasn't making a sound, then he saw me I was purple, and that I wasn't br3athing so he carried me" saying all this with a smile on his face, there, I got the connection why I don't remember what happened, because I lost consciousness. SAYING ALL THIS WITH A FCKING SMILE ON HIS FACE AS IF ITS FUNNY, AND HE'S SAYING IT LIKE HE'S SO F*CKING PROUD!
13. I remember it was afternoon and I was looking for my small amount paper money, I couldn't find it, and M (mother, as I could not f*cking stomach calling her my mother anymore, because I never had one, and a father of some sort) she found it, and sort of slpped it on my mouth because I couldn't find it, it's not like I'm screaming while trying to find it, no.
14. Probably the worst in my memory, idk what I did that time but I guess I said something she didn't like, she went to the kitchen and took a knfe, she tried to stb me on my back but I was able to miss it. The day after, she told me, if you weren't able to miss that, it's already your funeral today.

It happened until I was 17. I thought to myself I have to fight back or else this wouldn't stop. One day, she was about to h!t me, when she went near me while I was sitting down, I k!cked her in the stomach and crsed. She looked at me and speechless for a moment. I didn't know if I should feel bad or not but I know that's the only way all this would stop. My older sister is in there too, watching. I went upstairs and took my ctter (the bl@de thing you use for arts and crafts) I held it on my hand while facing sideways on an open door, waiting for her to get inside because I was 101% decided that if she comes near me I'll slt her thrat. I was just standing there, waiting for her to come near me and hurt me. My older sister is just standing there saying"are you really gonna stb mother?" I didn't say anything, I was just staring at them and waiting for her to come inside my room, which she didn't.
Going back, earlier with what happened when I said "you do it", I heard her say, "If get to my limit, I will h!t you. Don't say you're tall".
In my head.. I'm like "yeah, try it. I'll slt your thrat." And I was just waiting and waiting. And no, I am not afraid to go to j@!l.
So, Am I the Ahole for not loving and being disrespectful to my mother?
Edit: to answer some questions I think will be important, I am not an orphan. I am still at school for my other degree so I can't find another place to live in rn. My boyfriend is in the states and I'm still waiting for him to go to my country so we could be together but at this time not yet. Thank you for reading and probably commenting, I appreciate everything. Thank you so much.

Okay so I have this friend, Madi, and for context, I am older than her by a little over four months (my birthday was may 13th and hers is september 15th) (shes twelve btw) so I know that since I'm older, I should try and not neccesarily take responsibility for her actions, but I need too at least make sure she doesnt do anything reckless, y'know? And that would all be fine and stuff if she didnt treat me like a damn dog. Like seriously, I feel more like a dog she can mess with other than an actual friend. She's immature, ignorant, controlling, cant take no for an answer, lazy, and so many other words too. I have many reasons as to why I hate this friendship, but I'll list a few.

1. She's too controlling. Theres many examples I could choose from, but some of them are the fact that she always asks me if I want to cone over and spend the night, then gets mad at me when I dont want too and she always tries to preassure me into saying yes. This used to work, but now it doesnt. Shes also always the one in charge of what we do when we hang out, and when I want to do something else, she drags her feet or just straight up says no. Another point like this is that when I don't want to do something, she forces me to do it anyways. Like for example, the last time I went over to her house, she forced me to make choreography to a few Hazbin Hotel songs and wouldnt let me close the front door despite me clearly veing uncomfortable with having it opened. I was unconfortable because our parents were outside the door and I didnt want to dance in front of them because I would be embarassed. I literally had to push the door back with all my strength just to close it because she was trying to push it open to prevent me from closing the door. Another thing that happened last time was that she decided that she wanted to scare her neighbors by throwing rocks at their house, and despite me obviously not wanting too she once again forced me to come along. But, at least she was nice enough to let me just stay hidden behind a log while she did it, so at least theres that. Then she made me run all the way back to the house in a weird direction (we literally ran across the yard at first, then ran back by going from one side of her other neighbors house to the other, then running along the side of the road to the house.), then when we got back she immediately ratted both of us out to our parents. Luckily she told them the real story, so she was the only one who got yelled at, but she tried to pin everything on me right afterwards! I didnt even want to do that woth her and she tries to get me in trouble too?? What the fuck dude?! This pisses me off so much its insane.
   
2. Okay we've covered how controlling she is, now we'll move on too just how uncomfortable I am around her. She's always making sexual innuendos about everything, or telling me about how some random 19 year old sent her nudes, or just so many other innapropriate things too and Im just genuinely unconfortable around her. She also has a boyfriend (her relationships are a whole other issue I'll get too later), and she's told me so many times about how when she meets her boyfriend they'll break the bed or she'll suck him off or how hard she'll make him and it's like "jesus youre twelve and he's ten can you chill" and I dont know how to express how uncomfortable I am with this stuff other than through anger or joking about my anger but not really joking and it's just so annoying I hate it. This isnt just a one-time thing either, this has happened many tines, with her making me uncomfortable with her sexual behavior. Like one time, this was last year, we were watching Helluva Boss at her house and I was sitting next to her and she forcefully grabbed my thigh. Not like in the inner thigh, but she grabbed the like outer parts of it, and when I took her hand off my thigh and told her to stop, she kept on putting it back on over and over until I moved away and forced her to stop. I dont know if this counts as groping or what, since she is younger than me and it wasnt in the inner thigh, but if it was then can someone let me know? Anyways, another example of a time she made me uncomfortable was when she forced me to go on Omeagle when it was still up and we saw nine different male genitalia. She wouldnt let me stop until she was done.
   
3. As I mentioned in 2, she's in a relationship with a guy she met online. She got with him after only knowing him for like two hours, and she's already saying that once she meets him theyll do a bunch of inapropriate stuff, and honestly this doesnt surprise me. Shes like this with a bunch of her relationships, she gets in one in a short time, then devotes her entire life to them, then when they break up she gets upset and angry, then forgets about them the second she gets in a new relationship. Shes twelve and she's already in her eighth relationship, then she rants about her love life to me when she can. She only posts about her boyfriend, she only talks about her boyfriend, and she's even said many times about how she'd put her boyfriend over her friends and family, and honestly I feel unaprecciated by her because of this. How do you put a boy online you've known for less than a week over a girl you've known since you were like seven? It doesnt make sense.
   
4. Okay I swear this is the final one, but she's genuinely so childish. Like, more than she should be at her age. She does so much shit she's not supposed too, she argues with her parents, she never does any schoolwork, she's messy, she doesnt take no for an answer, she always needs to be right and in control, she always needs her way, and she's just so annoying. Like, Im sure she doesnt mean too, but she needs to have more self control. Like she's almost thirteen, if she doesnt quit doing stuff like that throwing rocks at peoples houses thing I mentioned or arguing with her parents, she's gonna get both of us in trouble. Even if I dont do anything, I'll get in trouble like her due to just being there or being a witness, she'll get us both put in jail. I cant let that happen, not now, not ever. I genuinely dont feel safe or comfortable being with her, but guess what? I'll have to be with her because our parents are friends, our dads are even in a band together, so I need to be her friend or else it could cause a dent in my parents relationships with her parents! Im genuinely tired of it.
   

Im thinking of setting the record straight with her eventually. I dont know if it'll be in a month or when she turns thirteen, but I just need to get this straight, y'know? Im thinking of exercising more to build physical strength, that way if she gets violent I can protect myself, and I'll probably start writing out what to say to her soon, maybe sonetime next week since my final day is next week on wednesday, then I'll be on summer break. Does anyone have any input on what to do? Or any input at all? Also, thank you for reading this far, I know I've written a lot so I really appreciate it <3 okay idk how to end this now ok bye