I haven't played a pokemon game in a few years, in fact the last game I played was the remake of diamond/pearl at launch. In that game I decided to do my first ever Nuzlocke and found that it made the game a lot more fun to go through. Well, I managed to get my hands on an authentic version of Emerald and decided to give it go. "I played Ruby a bunch when I was a kid so Gen 3 won't be so bad" I thought...boy was I wrong.... For my nuzlocke I do the standard rules for encounters (with some exceptions)/nicknames/deaths and to add a little extra spice I like to change my battle setting to "Set" instead of letting me switch in-between opponents pokemon, it just makes me feel like more of a "real" pokemon trainer.
Anyways here's how my nuzlocke train-wreck of a story has gone so far...
Starter (randomly chosen): Torchic: Chica
R. 101: Wurmple: Barb
R. 103: Poochyena: Marley
R. 102: Zigzagoon: HM SLAVE
R. 104: Wingull: Mac
Petalburg Woods: Shroomish: Chef
R. 116: Whismur: Minnie
R.116: Abra: Nona
Rustboro City Trade: Seedot: Dots
My run goes smoothly, albeit slowly due to Barb taking forever to evolve, but as we start making progress I begin to grow impatient grinding on Route 116. As you may notice I have 2 encounters for 116, this is because my initial encounter was Whismur, however the connecting tunnel has ONLY whismur to encounter so I used a second encounter on 116 to sub for the tunnel. Using the old school method of switch grinding I manage to get a Dustox who due to having to give constant care like a baby, I've grown to have a deeper bond with it more than my starter. After some more time grinding I managed to get Mac to level 12, Barb 14, Chica 14, and Marley 11. Chef and Minnie stayed lvl 4 and 6 because I was getting impatient and didn't think I would need them (this was my first mistake). Knowing th gym was rock type I thought my lvl 12 wingull with water gun could handle it and by the time I got to Roxanne I would have risen a few levels, more than enough to handle her. For the first two mons I ran through them like a hot knife through butter, but I did not know (or forgotten) that her last pokemon would be a NOSE PASS!!! My water gun did 1/5 its health and it used "Block" so I couldn't switch out, it then proceeded to use 2 defense curls before killing Mac with Rock throw. I sent out Barb thinking confusion would do better or equal damage, but alas it was a failed attempt, and I had to sacrifice Minnie so I could safely bring in Marley. Marley put up a good fight but with its only known attack move being tackle I knew I had to use it as fodder too and proceeded to sand attack Nose pass non stop, and I managed to waste multiple rock throws. but because of another block by Nosepass, and my dwindling potion reserves, I had to accept that eventually Marley would be the next victim. After painfully watching my poor pooch get knocked down I had little options left. With only Barb, Chica, and Chef remaining I had to again sacrifice someone else, I coudlnt bring myself to let go of Barb so I chose Chef. His absorb and the combined misses allowed Chef to remain in the fight for quite some time, but I had forgotten that gym leaders can use 2 potions...each time I dropped that nose pass low enough to get me to start thinking things were about to end, Roxanne would step in and restart the whole nightmare again. And like his comrades before him Chef too fell to Rock throw. With only Chica and Barb left I was sure my run was over, but some how Chica was able to chip away the nose pass health with ember and we managed to win, but the cost was greater than I had anticipated.
Luckily for me, a man in Rustboro wanted to trade me a seedot for a ralts, perfect for my encounter with May. What wasn't perfect was that Seedot had stopped obeying me past lvl 10 so my counter measure for mudkip was neautralized, before it even got a chance. So let me paint you a picture of what I have at this point. A lvl 15 Torchic, lvl 15 Dustox, lvl 11 Abra that only knows teleport, and a lvl 13 seedot that disobeys me. I trained barb to 16 and started my encounter with May only to see her lead WITH A TORKOAL OF ALL THINGS!!! This Torkoal must've taken pity on me because it only used curse while I spammed confusion to kill it, and after that I managed to beat May. I barley escaped death twice now, and I haven't even made it to the second gym.
And now for my biggest blunder yet. While grinding some more Chica was poisoned, and already at low HP, I shouldve teleported immediately, but for some reason I remembered that pokemon would just survive poison with 1 HP, and because I didn't want to stop grinding I put torchic to the side and used Barb instead thinking it would be fine..............and I lost Chica. I wanted to so badly pretend that death didn't count, but that would be lying to myself so I boxed her. I will be heading tomorrow to the second gym with a lvl 15 abra, lvl 14 Nuzleaf, a lvl 5 Zigzagoon, and a lvl 17 Dustox.

I was in 7th grade when I went to coaching with this sweet guy. Five guys and two girls in that class. Let's say his name is 'x'. X was a very smart and intelligent guy. Always filled with questions inside his head. We went to even to same school. We even shared same nicknames. We used to have fun together as friends so much. One day, I got to know somehow that he was starting to have feelings for me. And let me tell you that I was sort of a tomboy and I befriended boys because I loved discussing about games and action movies. Hearing about all these stuff, I really got nervous and panicked. I was thinking about how will I face this situation now. I came to a conclusion that I would stop talking with him. So I suddenly stopped interacting with him, ran away when I saw him, I wouldn't respond when he asked me anything. Slowly, he noticed all my behaviour and idk he got angry. I still wouldn't listen. He started to post weird things on his Facebook status, one of which said that, "if a boy cries for a girl, noone will ever love her like he does", smth like this. Idk but when it confirmed about his feelings for me, I started noticing his flaws😭. I could suddenly notice his face acne, how his cheeks turned red while he laughed, the way he used to sit, the way he used to talk, everything. Although he was a good looking guy and a girl in the same class literally wanted to talk to him so bad. His anger was evident. Idk someday I accidentally sent friend request to his mother and he DMed me, telling that I should not try mixing up with any of his family members. I agreed to what he said. And time passed by, his father got transferred, and he had to leave the city. After 3 years, on April Fools day when I was chilling, I decided to text someone and fake a confession. I tried texting my friends and then I asked if I should text him and they gave me a green signal. Finally I texted him and confessed my feelings(fake obvio), he got happy and told me how he was down for me 3 years before. Idk how heartless could I be, I told him immediately that it was all my plan. And I even shared screenshots with my friends and made fun of him. Months after when I commented something on his picture in Instagram, he again DMed me and requested to stop commenting as I am not his friend. "Friends are people who are supposed to talk and stay in touch".
To this day, this shit I did has kept me traumatized. If anyone who knows me would be asked about me, they would prolly tell good things about me and appreciate me. But this guilt still stays heavy inside my heart. He lives in some other country right now. We did connect once through Snapchat where he sent couple of snaps and then he stopped. I wish I can have a mature talk with him again if I get a chance to meet him

https://www.reveddit.com/neoliberal/comments/1dawxuo/discussion_thread/l7p8px3/
Full comment:
Fun fact: when doing mass murder, "but a group of theocratic fascist terrorist is trying to get us to do mass murder" isn't a good argument
- nicknameSerialNumber

Before I get into the meat and potatoes of my ad, let me go ahead and get some logistics out of the way first. The sessions will be every Saturday at 6pm MDT, and do for about 3-4 hours. The session 0 will be on June 15th, and we'll go over the setting, expectations, the system, and character creation together. We'll be using the X-Card, and we'll be playing over discord using theater of the mind. We'll be playing with the Prowlers and Paragons system, and if you've never played it, I'll be going over how it works in the session 0.
Lore
It all started with the expedition to the Sun. After a humiliating defeat in the Space Race at the hands of the USSR, the USA decided to aim higher, the Sun. Things were going to plan and it looked like humanity would be able to take the next step into the final frontier, possibly create a dyson swarm or something when suddenly, communication with the crew was severed and a massive wave of otherworldly energy washed over the solar system. The entire crew was considered MIA, since with how much extra energy was pouring out of our home star, it was akin to stepping into a blender made of radiation, on top of the heat. The world at large still doesn't know what happened to them, but there are many theories, none of which can be proven definitively.
The Sun's odd energy infused the people of Earth with strange powers, creating the first individuals with powers (nicknamed Supers, Metas, Freaks, and officially, Evos, for "Evolved"). During this time, vigilante activity was at a high. Evos with spandex were flying everywhere and breaking everything, and the governments of the world had no idea what to do. That was until the second wave of energy, exactly 10 years after the first.
Throughout the future decades, waves would occur every 10 years like clockwork, lasting anywhere from an hour to an entire week. Each of these new waves brought new and bizarre powers and attributes to the world, and with each wave, more and more heroes and villains were created. "Hero" became an official job title and became incorporated into daily life and pop culture. The never-ending battle between good and evil became the new normal for Planet Earth. The current year is now 2036, and heroes around the world are preparing for the new wave. Anything could happen!
Who I'm looking for
I'm looking for people who like to get into the weeds of detail when it comes to make their characters and incorporating them into the setting. I'm looking for people who are passionate about roleplaying and superheroes in equal measure. I'm looking for people who are committed to telling a dramatic, engaging, and most of all, fun story involving everyone at the table. If any of these describe you, then you're more than welcome.
In that vein, I'm not interested in tolerating any sort of bigotry or general disrespect. We're here to have fun, so I expect everyone to treat everyone else well. Yall have been doing this for a while, I trust you guys not to need a whole song and dance about what the social rules are :3.
How Will This Game Work?
As mentioned, this game will take placed in the SolarPWR (Power With Resolve) University, and you all will be incoming freshman with dreams of being heroes (or maybe other ulterior motives, I'm flexible). Every session, we'll have a moment where everyone can do one thing in service to their education (rping going to class, doing homework with friends, talking to a teacher, etc.), one thing related to your extracurriculars (going to a club, starting a band with a friend, etc.), and after that, the entire session is yours to do with as you please. In essence, this will be a half and half sandbox and Strixhaven type game, and I'm committed to making that fun for everyone.
Every now and then, I'll have a big event during the game, like a bit test, a sports-ball game, some other school event, or smtn related to the story, in which case, you won't get a free period that session, but you will get downtime during the next one.
Just so you are aware, I intend to focus a lot on the interpersonal relationships between characters, which includes a little bit of romance. If you're not comfortable with that specifically, just lmk and no romance shall befall you. I also intend to focus on the responsibilities you all will have as heroes in the narratives and themes that I'm gonna be addressing.
Who am I?
You can call me Infinity, Inf, AM, or whatever floats your boat. I use he/they pronouns, and am an avid artist, GM, and worldbuilder. I take most of my enjoyment out of tabletop games from crafting lore and interpersonal relationships (drama) in equal measure, and I'm excited to share that passion with all of you! I've even designed a couple of TTRPGs, but won't talk much about that unless you ask lol. Beyond art and tabletop stuff, I'm into Pokemon, nerdcore/video game music, and rocks!
While I'm running this game, I'm also looking for a group of buds who'll be down to chill and maybe chat at some point throughout the week. Nothing regular beyond the session of course, just whatever people are available for and willing to do. Coop video games, board games, just chatting, I'm down for whatever :3c.
How to Join?
You can apply to join the game using THIS FORM. If you've read through this whole mess, then I would just like to say that you, sima'am/other, are a 110% certified champion. Please, don't hesitate to send something in! I'll send a friend request over Discord!

[english is not my first language so if there are any spelling errors or anything pls ignore]
So i am gonna try to make this short and easy to understand for about 3 years i have had a art teacher who has made it her job to torment my existence , i have been got at art at a young age , and after the pandemic was over i was in the 8 th grade and we got a new art teacher at first she was fine i didn't notice anything but after a week or two she showed her true colors to put it bluntly she played favorites [she confessed to it by the end of the same year] since this story is over the span of 3 years i will divide it into time lines
2022
i was in the 8th grade and was chilling with my friends at the back our school took some time to find a art teacher so usually we just got a substitute , so after a few weeks we found out our school had hired this art teacher at the start of the term she just didn't show up and sent random teachers in her place wo weren't even substitute's so when she did decide to show up we thought she was another substitute , then she goes on to say that she had been sending the substitutes [admitting to not doing her job] she covered it up by saying that the substitutes were sent to check if there were any students good at art that she could pick for special projects in the future .
she talked so much during classes abut feelings and shit that she got awarded the nickname the therapist so when she started to play favorite's and since i was good at art she tried to make me one of her teachers pets but in support of my friends who she treated badly for not being good at art i did my own thing that annoyed her .
2023
9th grade she had almost given up on trying to make me one of her teachers pets so resorted to just ignoring me which i was fine with the true entitlement started when one of a maths teachers had to take a day off she came as a substitute but i did not care i just sat there for like 15 mins solving a question got bored and took out my files [for some context i use to carry around 2 files full of my most dutiful paintings and sketches while i was minding my business talking to my friend and drawing side by side she in the background was talking to her top student after not even 2 mins of me just drawing and talking she comes over to me and snatches my files while i was drawing for everyone who doesn't know while shading to give a good dark and depth effect you must really apply a lot of pressure on the paper she pulled the file that the sheet of paper was in causing 3 painting to tare she goes on to scream at me saying something along the lines of "HOW DARE YOU StEl MY FAVORATE STUDENTS PAINTINGS , HOW DARE YOU DRAW ON HER PAINTINGS ' something like that i couldn't really understand what she was talking about she goes on to push me out of the class and proudly put my file on her "ToP STudenTS ' desk and say that you should be more carful withe people like me around everyone looks at her cluelessly including me before i could prosses what just happed she gets up as close to my face as possible without touching me and screams get to the principals office . likely one of my friends stood up and said that the file was mine she sayes "oh so you wanna stand by your friend then stand with him at the principal office it wasn't until like half the class stood up and said that the file was mine including her top student she decided on checking the name on the file which was mine as i sat back down at my desk she looks at my paintings she practically tares them off the file at this point i am mad to the point i was literally red and i have a lot of anger issues so before i went all ballistic on this idiot my friend stopped me an explained that i cant get revenge like this which made me calm down after that i got so mad that i opened google and started writing a google review for my school i said some crazy shit about her that made me feel better for a wile 3 months later she sees that review and says to take it down or she would involve the school i had a pretty good understanding for the student lawn in my country so i knew nor her or the school could do anything but i didn't wanna entertain this so i just said ok , i took in down she did more stuff in the middle which caused me to do what i did in 2024
2024
10th grade i was sick and tired of her shit so i wanted to do something about it so i was forced into a project with her unfortunately we took a group photo in which i was visibly depressed so i thought to use it and make a meme out of it and make a fake acc to post the same comment again , both the meme and the post got a lot of attention around school so did the principal who shortly after fired her for having a bad image after her last week had started which se was supposed to take online i wrote a ling email to her confessing to her that i made the meme and the post she went ballistic but i kept going i found all her social media accounts and sent all the people who follow her and sent them the meme and the post and once i have posted this one i will share it too
so am i the jerk
[if you guys wanna know all the stuff she did in 2023 tell me because she did some diabolical stuff that i just couldn't cover in one post]

I really need advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years but did take a 3 month break in the fall of 2023. since getting back together things have been pretty wonderful, only struggling with some of the same hiccups, but working through them better than we did previously. I just took a 2week trip with him to the east coast. And on the last day I found out he’s been lying to me about being in contact with his ex.
I don’t know if I can forgive him. I love him and truly thought we’d share a future together. Im devastated about the lying part and the fact that it didn’t seem like a minor lie- but a very strategic one.
He’s told me multiple times he hasn’t spoken to her except when we first broke up he did contact her to see how she was doing. (Which doesn’t bother me I guess because we weren’t together anyway and I was surprised he even told me I guess. ) He really values her as a friend and said he doesn’t want to be with her but for some reason it seems like he can’t just let her go. I do understand some of us are friends with our exes over time but when we very first started dating she called him drunk and still wanted to be together, so I’ve clearly expressed I’m not comfortable with their friendship at the moment bc feelings are obviously still there. I pulled him aside one day on our trip and was very vulnerable with him, asked calmly if they still talk because I get this feeling in my gut at times and it makes me uneasy, I just want resssured. He held me closely and said along the lines of “I’m not that kind of man. I truly value and respect you. I would not contact her unless I talked to you about it first and if you were comfortable. Maybe one day I’ll want to be friends with her again but I know right now isn’t the time. I love you so much and I know it’s a boundary.” He seemed so sincere. He’s always this sincere.
I just kept getting this nagging feeling like he was hiding or lying to me. I can’t explain it other than something didn’t feel right. I politely asked to go through his phone a few days later (Which I’ve never done btw because I think that personal privacy is so important and I’ve never really had a problem with trusting him so I’ve never felt the need) He freaked out bad. Like bad bad. Told me no. Said I was unhealthy. Started shouting “I’m not talking to ex” but the funny thing is… I never mentioned said ex. He also said he didn’t want me to “misconstrue messages with his friends who are girls” which was another red flag for me because if he’s being respectful, why would there be anything to be misconstrued? And I know that he has friends who are girls and that genuinely doesn’t bother me, in fact I love a few of them such as one from work and his neighbor!
I told him I was leaving him. He finally said he would allow me to see his phone. He gave it to me and then started freaking out again. Acting like someone who is guilty I suppose. Pacing back and forth. Yelling at me. Telling me I was unhealthy, that this is toxic, etc. I only had it for 5 mins before he snatched it from me. I didn’t get to look at practically anything. I did however find messages between him and his ex. They joked about plans for his 40th birthday. They had emotional convos, he was sending her pictures of things he was up to like sitting at the beach, he gave her his address, they also joked about whether or not she should send a bday gift (bc he was dating me) she has a nickname in his phone and a cute little emoji and my name literally is just normal with no picture or anything. anyways. I was shaking. Livid. Crying. I screamed at him. I feel so deceived.
He won’t even admit fully that he lied. He justifies it every time and blames me. Says that he was afraid of my reaction. Said “I didn’t tell you bc I knew you’d react like this you see?” But the things is… I reacted so poorly because he’s been lying to my face for months. They had been talking during the course of our first relationship too. The fact that he snatched his phone from me so quickly without me being able to see anything just made me so uncomfortable. He’s gone behind my back before while I was asleep and went through my phone and then gaslit me when I found out. Saying that he didn’t and that he didn’t even know my passcode, And then eventually admitting it when I asked again a week later. He keeps calling me unhealthy and says that normal couples don’t ask to go through phones. It’s the first time I’ve ever asked to go through anyone’s phone so it was incredibly uncomfortable for me too…I thought I was genuinely being respectful by asking him and not going behind his back to do it. When I brought up the fact that he breeched my trust in the past by going through my phone behind my back he said “why did you stay with me then? You had a choice to leave if you think I was gaslighting you”
His behavior is just really making me feel like he’s this awful person. I know there is so much good to him. He’s really been through a lot in life, and I try to consider that because of his trauma, he’s incredibly defensive and emotionally reactive at times.… I don’t believe him to be a monster but idk why he can’t be honest with me. I’ve caught him in a few other small lies and forgave him for those but every time he’s caught he’s always justifying himself. I even asked him how he doesn’t feel bad and he replied “feel bad for what?” Then eventually said “I feel bad that you’re hurt” but not for talking to his ex? We got in a huge blow out argument the day after we flew home. I feel like he had no apathy or remorse, it was honestly incredibly disturbing. I will that I was very angry and I called him a narcissist and a manipulator, which deeply angered him and probably really hurt too. I feel awful and just I felt unheard… I couldn’t stand to repeatedly hear him justify why he lied instead of genuinely showing remorse and apologizing.
I feel really stupid. I just don’t know what to do. I told him I needed space to process all of this but im struggling so bad with how to process. I don’t know what to think. I feel confused about who he is and my emotions are all over the place. He sent me a long message saying he doesn’t want anyone but me, but that he needs time to process too. I don’t feel like he genuinely feels any remorse and I feel he constantly makes loop holes so that it justifies his lying and makes me look like a crazy insecure girlfriend. I’m sorry this is so long.
He’s wonderful around my kids, knows all of my friends, I love all of his friends, on our vacation we felt so close and in love and I was so excited to feel like our relationship was becoming more permanent and family oriented. He’s my very best friend and someone who I feel understands me better than anyone else. My heart is in so much pain and I am lost. I would really love some sound advice. Thanks so much

Tagging it as a spoiler for those who have yet to play Collar x Malice -Unlimited-!
This was a big write up I did years ago after playing the game that took hours of studying and breaking down small details/symbolism. Not sure if anyone else noticed this, I thought it was pretty cool. It may just be my own speculation on Adonis’ character designs, but CxM is my all time favourite otome game that it makes ME wanna become a detective 😂 Let's dive in!
https://preview.redd.it/geq6n345dg5d1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed8ae0e6d6fe744b63eb912fa10486ba46f9d81a
https://preview.redd.it/tebbxjs5dg5d1.jpg?width=1088&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=026844d87ba30cf361780773bc5baa8320d96b05
Mikuni Rei #1: His number is 1 and on his front shirt logo, in my opinion, looks like the earth at first glance. Symbolizing that we only have “one world”. The clip on his cloak looks like a morning star. What I think of first when morning star is mentioned is “Satan/Lucifer”. (Although I’m not religious so my speculation is probably incorrect). But morning star is mentioned in the bible for both “Satan” and “Jesus”. He plays the role as a savior or destroyer of the ideal world he believes in.
**Adding! A Tumblr user commented that to them, instead of the earth, his shirt symbol looks like a moon instead. Which definitely makes more sense! “The moon has 2 faces/sides, just as Mikuni does. An Adonis member and the son of the prime minister.”
Credulity: a tendency to be too ready to believe that something is real or true, especially on minimal or uncertain evidence.
https://preview.redd.it/0ofw16l9dg5d1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=260c674a63bc2399826f05722e0655efc5e8af3f
https://preview.redd.it/4ttfadebdg5d1.png?width=412&format=png&auto=webp&s=c9fef648481899c50a175691f0d3cc18961047e0
Sanjou Keisuke #2: At first he was the only one where I couldn’t find a logo for “2″. But I noticed the two symbol on his shirt and it looks like a magatama. Which of course is similar to what we know, “Yin and Yang”. Good and evil. Sun and moon. Sanjou was an ex cop who swore to law and protect. Then eventually joined Adonis to destroy. He’s shown to waver between the two sides. His shirt also has a lion dog image (or Japanese Komainu) which are creatures symbolized as protective guardians.
Corruption: dishonest or fraudulent conduct by those in power, typically involving bribery.
https://preview.redd.it/yy4eg5fpdg5d1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e5b428cfe06b839613dc1dbac67278ae962ba232
https://preview.redd.it/pl6sopbqdg5d1.jpg?width=1088&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dd3d941748a31a4b7b0692072f496d1c946201c3
Uno Suzune #3: Her number is 3 and she’s wearing embellishments that symbolize a 3 leaf clover. Faith, hope and love. After her tragic past events, she desires those the most.
Craving: a powerful desire for something.
https://preview.redd.it/7ewsj15tdg5d1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7c7c791749bb4d1451043933c62563d14d41aeb
https://preview.redd.it/ipcwe8itdg5d1.jpg?width=1088&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=38c53bab614c6e6c21e58aa4b9789cde85ab969f
Uno Shion #4: As Suzune’s twin brother, he also has a clover as his symbol but it’s a 4 leaf clover instead. Which adds “luck” to faith, hope and love. It’s seen on his hat, jacket and necklace. Coincidentally, the number “4″ is “shi” in Japanese, which also means death. Suzune also refers to him as “SHI-chan” for a nickname. There is an idiom, “to be (or to live) in a clover” which means to live a carefree life of ease, comfort and prosperity. Something that the Uno siblings have always dreamed of.
Dependence: the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else.
https://preview.redd.it/ze51998wdg5d1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8ddcc4b9d4c35356cdd4b40b946cce5933bc854e
https://preview.redd.it/gjih81kwdg5d1.jpg?width=1088&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=36647bc57cd2214d72ba598e6b71b9db9facd1d3
Souda Manabu #5: Souda has a 5 pointed star as a badge on his jacket. Also a star clip on his ponytail. The badge also says in English, “Oppose force with force.” Stars are represented as protective symbols and divine force. Souda is constantly referring to himself as “God” and is revealed to be protective/caring of his comrades in game. His keyword is loneliness, obviously for the fact that he has no one. Shunned by society, with only the “friends” in the digital world he seeks out to fill that void.
Loneliness: sadness because one has no friends or company.
https://preview.redd.it/u6qqz8yydg5d1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2081cbd91e4ff99611e1a5b05dba8339b01b6c68
https://preview.redd.it/k4un7v8zdg5d1.png?width=572&format=png&auto=webp&s=857c316ce68806a16571b3b5032a16fed904618e
Sugawara Rika #6: She has 6 pointed snowflake embellishments on her hair and coat. Snowflakes are symbols of rebirth and purity. Her keyword is fear from trauma of men and her stalker.
Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
https://preview.redd.it/llu8h11vhg5d1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5918637d862893a36c047eb281b252098865d05d
https://preview.redd.it/my42r2bvhg5d1.png?width=634&format=png&auto=webp&s=2f562bab81879b6bc6f6542d4e2cd5b5899d3703
Sera Akito #7: His number is represented by the dice logo on his sweater. If you add all the numbers together: 1, 3, 5= 9. For 9 Executors. But only the 3 and 4 of the circles are more bold opposed to the 2 faded baby blue ones. So add that and you get 7. The number 7 is associated with luck and a dice symbolizes “Fate”. A roll can determine for you to achieve your destiny or it could make you descend further away from the goal. It will show whether you go to the “white route” or “black route”. Sera is shown to constantly hesitate between his path of good and evil and “You” decide his “Fate”.
Sin: an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law.
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Kobayashi Hanako #8: Hana’s number 8 is shown on the 8 edged ribbon of her sweater. As well as the compass symbols on the sweater and stockings. A compass is means for “guidance”. Hana is a troubled girl who relies on Isshiki and his music to “point her in the right direction”. It’s said many times that his music helps people through troubled times and that they could relate to it. Rather than Zero, she regards Isshiki as her true hope and “Savior” which caused her to become obsessed with him.
Partiality: unfair bias in favor of one thing or person compared with another; favouritism.
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Ogata Tomoki #9: Ogata’s number is 9 and is shown on his coat in the form of a fox. A “kitsune” in Asian culture is known to have 9 tails. He also says to Hoshino that he’s aware he has small eyes (which are often closed in the game). Kitsune have small, narrowed eyes and a cunning smile. His hair is also almost light blonde/silver in colour. They are known to be wise/intelligent but vengeful. A classic tale of the kitsune is when it disguises itself to have a lovefamily. Until it’s true nature is revealed and is forced to leave the spouse and children, mirroring Ogata’s background.
Greed: intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food.
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Saeki Yuzuru #0: Saeki doesn’t seem to have anything on him to indicate his number because of course he IS “Zero”. Null, nothing. It may also be why his outfit is very simple too. However, his personal symbol seems to be the anemone flower. It’s shown on his chain, gun and cloak. None of the other Adonis members wears this. I even checked Kurose Shu’s cloak and he doesn’t have the design. The chain at his shirt collar is also a morning star (refer to Mikuni). Even Hoshino referred to Saeki as “like the Devil”. Anemone flowers are typically considered as bad luck and ill tidings. But of course the most famous connection it has is to Adonis, the Greek figure. (The organization name isn’t a coincidence!)
The origin of the flower was when Aphrodite wept over the body of her mortal lover, Adonis. The gods killed him over jealousy of their affair. While Aphrodite was crying, Adonis shed blood on the anemones that came from her tears and stained them red. In Christianity, red anemones symbolized the blood that Christ shed on the Crucifixion. Going back to the star at his collar; Lucifer is the Latin name for the morning star. Which is actually not even a star but, the planet Venus. Venus, the Roman goddess is equivalent to Aphrodite.
The flowers can also have positive meaning. Hoshino is constantly surrounded by purple or white anemones when together with the main love interests. Because those colours symbolizes “sincerity” and “protection from evil”. Red is Saeki’s colour, which means: death or forsaken love. The origin story about love and loss forever marked the anemone flower and made it a symbol of sadness in love. If Saeki had a keyword, I’d say it would be-
Forsaken: abandoned or deserted.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk of delusions. Saeki/Hoshino is Adonis/Aphrodite don’t change my mind lmao

Throwaway account
I feel like a fraud
For context, I was born female and was raised that way. Since I was a young child roughly 8+ I’ve responded positively to any pronouns (he/they/she/it) as long as my mind could justify it was Me the person was asking for or about.
I’ve gone by Male (FtM) from roughly 2015 (I was 14 then) onwards until recently in 2020 when I began to question everything again and had settled for Non-binary (Agender in particular) after talking with long time (online) friends.
Some things to note being my mother is “accepting” as long as its not Me. I’ve been through the motions of confessing how I felt in roughly 2017 and had gained what I thought was acceptance however later turned out to be a series of unpleasant events that lead me to shutting up entirely about any preferences, interests or anything I would have trusted her with before.
To avoid problems as I live at home for specific reasons I kept wearing feminine things and kept my hair long as she claimed it was “much better” and I “should keep it that way” among many other things I’ve done to simply be a good child that isn’t a burden to my family.
Context aside, this is where my main issue is.
I’ve been content with the labels of Agender (They/It) for a while but recently I’ve begun to think more again. In a shortened list, for the sake of my sanity...
—I’ve noticed I never stopped accepting being called He/Him or Male, I never corrected anyone, only mentioning being Agender when explicitly asked.
—A few friends I’ve made recently (6-7 months) have said they always saw me as a guy and have simply just been treating me as such even though they’ve heard my voice (online friends), know vaguely what I look like and one of them understands I was born female (I confided in them during a particularly hard monthly issue I wasn’t sure I’d make it thru without a visit to the hospital)
—I’ve remembered a few times in the past I’ve dated people who explicitly preferred men and accepted me as such (Yes they knew everything) and how it made me feel good that others with a clear preference accepted me as a part of that preference.
—I do not wear any binders however, I tend to wear feminine clothing for lack of options, my hair is long and in general one look at me would suggest female. But I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of anyone seeing me as female and often feel myself cringe in disgust when I hear someone referring to me as She. I just don’t like it in any way at all.
—One of my online friends has called me various names and nicknames before in joking flirtatious ways (We both find it funny and no harm is done by it) and he has before, called me a “good boy” which at the time made me laugh at him, but later I felt confused that I had felt okay with it and even wanted to hear that again, not explicitly said by him but as a general term.
—Some of my other friends praise my artwork occasionally as Good or I’m Good, but I can feel the distinct difference. I liked it because I was called a Boy. It’s never just “oh cool, praise” but the distinction that made me feel different.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel more FtM than I ever have but I feel as if my choice has to be Agender, that I’m just too feminine, I’m also still comfortable with being Agender and I simply do not fit into FtM spaces and I do not want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable.
If anyone came to me with this issue I’d make sure they knew it was okay to feel, and they were valid and allowed to feel that way. But because it’s me, because I’m so sick of lies and unsureness in my life, I want a comfortable label for myself that I know is just who I am. I want certainty but it feels impossible to get.
I feel like a fake and like I’m invading other peoples spaces because I’m just not like them. I really don’t know how to feel or what to do and what labels I'm even allowed to have. I want to be comfortable and happy with myself, but doing that is a giant question mark for me. Does anyone have any suggestions? Advice? Literally anything, I’m so tired of not knowing even where to begin. Is it too much to ask how I would be viewed by you, reader? Where am I even allowed to be...

Sorry about the wall of text, just needed to get it out.
So I’m sitting here, eating very cold Taco Bell at 10 pm. It was already kinda bland, but not even warm anymore. Sodas watered down from the ice melting. The cheesy roll up fused with the wrapper because it got cold.
The reason for all this is because the day started out with my niece(12), who made the 12u Allstar team this year, to the allstar softball tournament an hour away. I have coached her and her teams since she was playing 8u. We lost yesterday and then again this morning so with double elimination so we were done. She was devastated. I could blame her. No one likes to lose, but it still sucked seeing her so upset.
She is my wife’s brother’s(32) kid (so not my blood) but she stays with us all summer and most all weekends. She stays with her grandma during the school week. Her dad, while recently starting to do things with her, hasn’t had a ton to do with her even though he ended up back at his moms and is one room over from his daughter / my niece.
On the way back from the game, we stopped and picked up my boy(16months) from his aunts who watched him for me since I was at the game and my wife was at work. Y’all I swear it sounded like he said either “hey or yay dad” when I walked in and he saw me. I’m normally the SAHD. I’m(40) retired from injuries in the military, while sucks, it has given me time to be at home with my boy. On the way home she asked if her best friend could spend the night. As usual, I was fine with it, but even more so because I know how bad she felt.
I went ahead and texted her friends Dad about it, but wasn’t getting a reply, figured he was at work. Got a few things done around the house while the boy was asleep, then we started figuring out dinner. My wife was at a concert she has been wanting to go to for years, so I got her tickets so her and her mom could go tonight and tomorrow night to see her favorite artist, Carrie Underwood. She deserves it. I was exhausted and didn’t feel like making dinner so I made my son a little something and then just went to Taco Bell.
Right about the time we walked in the house. He finally texted back said it been a long day and I said I understood. He didn’t think he could get her out here, but I said we could come by and pick up. We set our food down and left to go get her. On the way, my niece said I was a great dad (because of how I have been there for her and how I am with the boy) and a great uncle. That was awesome. By the time we got back home it was time for my son to go to sleep. (Gotta keep on schedule).
I am almost always the one who puts him to sleep because my wife has a hard time doing it so I take care of it. (Still being rocked) I think he’s teething again and going through a little sleep regression so he’s been a real pain in the butt to go to sleep lately.
2 hours later he’s finally asleep. I go downstairs to down my Taco Bell then I sit down and check the camera to make sure he’s asleep (he is) and I hear my niece and her friend just giggling away.
Sorry for the long story, just kinda needed to vent(in a good way) about how this cold, bland food is probably the best damn Taco Bell I’ve ever had.

Three years ago, during the pandemic, I met a girl on a platform called Interpals. She was from Russia, and I was living in Ireland at the time. Back then, not many people knew where I was actually living due to privacy concerns.
We met and hit it off. We were both at our lowest points and had so much to offer each other. So, I gave her the key to my world and started introducing her to my favorite shows, songs, and everything else I loved. She embraced it all and made it ours. She was moving from Moscow back to Ufa, and I was about to return to Brazil. All we both truly wanted was to be together, to the point that we would play games, watch movies and TV shows, and sometimes even sleep together on long Discord calls. I promised her that I would buy a ticket, and I did (an overly expensive one). In the end, that ticket was never used, but I got a new one afterward after she gave me an ultimatum.
This ultimatum happened in October 2022. So, in December 2022, I went to Ufa to be with her. For someone who has traveled around the world, it was quite amazing to be so far from home, so close to the person I can only describe as the love of my life, all while being afraid of getting COVID. I arrived, and she was waiting to pick me up. I couldn't stop looking at her. We spent three cold, long months together, but time went by so fast. The day I had to leave, we spent hours in bed crying and hugging each other, thinking of many ways I could stay longer.
I went back to Brazil feeling a bit sick. My stomach wouldn't stop hurting, and my mouth too. Around May 2023, I went to the doctor for some exams. Through an endoscopy, I learned that I had a very early case of stomach cancer, and through an X-ray, I learned I had a small cyst in my mouth as well. As a preventive measure, I was prescribed capecitabine, something for cutaneous eruptions that I don't remember the name of, and sertraline to give me more control over my emotions during such a difficult time.
The thing is, sertraline did the complete opposite for a whole year. Not only would I sometimes be emotionless, but also more logical (which sounds good on paper but actually isn't). I also developed a very bipolar behavior that I never had before.
At that time, Lily was having a tough time studying to become a radiologist. Since she had been unemployed for a very long time and really wanted a job, I decided to tell her about my condition at a later date, which sertraline made me think would be better not to tell her at all. Around July, we got into a very ugly fight because I had a bipolar attack and unleashed a lot of unfair and mean words towards her. Later, when the effect of the drug wore off, I felt all my feelings rushing back to me, and I regretted breaking up with her. So, I tried my best to get her back, and I did.
Around that same time, I looked for my twin sister because my doctor claimed that depending on how long my treatment lasted, I might need her. I went after my sister and asked her for this favor. My sister wasn't very happy because it had been a long time since I last replied to her messages, so she wanted to play a game. She made me give her this cute nickname we exchanged when we were kids. I said I wouldn't do it, but she persisted. I said yes because I really needed her help. She said that if I didn't play along, she wouldn't come from Germany to Brazil to help me out.
So, time went by, and we were having lots of fun together. The incident where I broke up with Lily was now a part of the past, and that was for the better. Then, around November, I was streaming my screen to her—after all, I have nothing to hide—and she saw my WhatsApp and my chat windows and saw my sister there. She thought the nickname looked weird, and I started to panic because, in the chat, we were talking about my condition.
Sertraline caused in me this permanent paranoid state where I thought that if she knew I was sick, she would leave me, and that if she knew I was sick, it could ruin her studies. So, I kept it all to myself. Sometimes she would see me burning in pain, and I would brush it off, saying it was something I ate or whatever, but I would never tell her what was truly going on.
I told her about another tumor, a small cyst I had in my mouth, but not about the important one. She agreed to keep going, but in the coming weeks, she would often ask me about my sister and ask me to clarify this whole thing. I asked my sister to talk to her, message her, and clarify everything, but after the whole misunderstanding, she decided to stay away.
So, fast forward to this year. At some point in May, we got into a huge fight, and I suspect I never managed to clarify what truly happened that day to her. The reason I don’t remember is that I tried to take my own life by throwing myself in front of a car. That's what people told me; I just remember blacking out and waking up at the hospital with no recollection of what happened. My sister came from Germany to see me, and as it turns out, she did send videos, our chat logs, and a full clarification of what happened that day. I am not sure if Lily ever read it, but my sister did it.
As I came back from the hospital, I was ready to call her and hear her voice so we could play games and spend time together. After all, they told me I was in a car accident. I would only find out it was actually a suicide attempt a bit later at home.
So, I came to text her and found that I am blocked everywhere. I can't find her anywhere since she not only blocked me on Telegram and WhatsApp, but she also wiped out all social media she had. My friends told me that she doesn't seem to really care about what happened to me because she also blocked all of our friends. My sister looked for someone from Ufa to text her and check on her and also told a Russian friend of mine to text her as well to see if everything was okay. Later that same day, I got an email from her, very mad at me, saying that it's over between us and that she didn't want me to contact her. She bid me goodbye and farewell and blocked me everywhere again, so I don't get to talk or ask. All I have is this scrambled memory because I can't remember much from January up until now.
I was in a coma for three days, and she didn't care. I have these flashes of her saying things like how she loves me, and how she thinks it's great that we share the same interests and that there's no one like me around her. And then there is this memory of her voice crying, asking me to stay with her on Discord and sleep with her. I said that I had to go to the hospital because my stomach was hurting badly.
The good news is that they decided to run the surgery to remove the tumor when I was at the hospital. The bad news is that I wish I had stayed in a coma. Ignorance is bliss, and I miss her so much. I never thought it would be possible to miss someone like this. She is everywhere now because "my world" is now ours, and everything in my house, everything around me, feels hostile to me. I can't look at my collector's edition, I can't look at Resident Evil, I can't play Destiny, I can't do anything. Everything we did together for years only serves the purpose of making me hate myself now and feel worse.
When my dad died, my mom entered this downward spiral. They were very close, would do all sorts of activities together, and once he passed, she was miserable, and she still is miserable 25 years after what happened. I never thought I would be able to relate to that one day. I am back home, and I can't take a shower, can't work, can't do my chores, can't help myself because I think I am not going to make it.
This hurts so much, I just can't.
I just want to leave this here as a testimony/manifesto.
Lily, I never lied to you, and would never hurt you if it wasn't for my condition. I am so sorry for what I did to us. Know that I will love you forever; it doesn't matter if it's going to be here on Earth or among the stars. If I die before you, And if you die before I die, I'll carve your name out of the sky. And I'll defy every one and love you still. I will carry you with me up every hill It's better to love, whether you win or lose or die.
Hopefully, she will naturally come across this text one day. As for me, I’m not sure I will be around for long, but for now, I have this feeling festering inside of me because I feel deprived of being able to talk, or explain, deprived of an opportunity to try and fix things.

I came across this subreddit from researching reactive dogs and I fell down the rabbit hole. For context, my reactive dog is not a pit bull and she's not aggressive and I have never had one issue with her attacking other dogs or people. She's just a highly sensitive nutty backyard bred German shepherd who was probably taken off her mom too soon. And she doesn't have a lot in common with what I see as severely reactive dogs. She's a nut, but she still retains "normal dog behavior". I've noticed that there is a very high number of reactive/aggressive dogs are pit bulls or pit mixes and it prompted me to further research. They all have the same profile. Needs to be the only dog, no cats, no small children, highly reactive, aggressive towards other dogs, resource guarding, food aggression. The list goes on.
I used to be a pit advocate. I was a "it's not the breed/dog it's the owner" person. I was that person who said there are no bad dogs and it's all how you raise them. I've never owned a legit pit, but I've been around them and I used to say, "Oh, I've never been around a nasty one! The meanest dog I ever encountered was a lab!" Well, I don't feel that way anymore.
I"ll start going backwards. I have four dogs. The aforementioned nutty shepherd, two papillons, and some kind of cattle dog mix - not sure what she really is - and she was left with me by my ex. She is the only dog from an animal shelter. The other three came from breeders. Yes, I get flack from that. The shepherd was given to me by a friend, but she still came from a breeder. I walk them a lot around my neighborhood. Twice I have been attacked by a pit bull. The first time, I walked my pack by a house with four pits in a yard, just throwing their usual tantrums, but they were contained so I thought nothing of it and kept walking. I crossed the busy street there and turned onto the walking trail and noticed my shepherd kept looking behind her and straining at her leash. I suddenly noticed this thing had climbed over the fence of its yard, ran across one of the town's busiest streets to chase us down the sidewalk and attack my cattle dog mix. My papillons started barking, My cattle dog mix put up a good fight and my shepherd joined in. If someone hadn't pulled over and helped pull that dog off my cattle dog, I don't know what would have happened. He grabbed the dog and threw it down the street and it ran home. We were unhurt. I shudder to think if it had gotten a hold of one of my little ones.
The second time I was walking just my little ones. I carry pepper spray. This pit bull came around the corner of the house it lives at - no fence, no people around - and started advancing towards us into the road. Stalking essentially. I know dog behavior. Head down, eyes black, it was stalking. By then I had had it, and I'm also on a Facebook page for papillons and had read enough horror stories about little ones getting attacked and torn apart. I pulled my pepper spray off my belt loop, pointed it right at the dog and said, "Come at me, bro!" The dog froze, I could see the wheels turning in its head, and then turned and went back to its house. I was furious. They need to either fence that thing in, or keep it inside. Again, I was lucky. I had had another run in with this dog before when I was walking just my shepherd on a leash. The dog was with its person - a tiny 20-something girl - no leash, no collar even. The girl said, "She's nice." I said, "That's great, but my dog is dog reactive so get it away from her." She wasn't happy with me. I didn't care. We have leash laws for a reason.
My neighbors had an Amstaff and an American Bulldog. I never had any trouble with those dogs, but I never cared for that Amstaff. She had shifty eyes, was twitchy, and I never trusted her. Their bulldog is fine, a complete derp. When the Amstaff died of an epileptic seizure (neurological issues on top of everything else) I am sorry to say I was relieved. She never did anything. Her owners were on top of her. But she always made me uneasy and I noticed my shepherd could not abide her. She would burst into barking explosions every time she saw her. She does that with dogs anyway but not at that intensity. She still doesn't care for the bulldog but I have noticed her stress level is way down. Maybe there is something to other dogs not trusting these fighting breeds.
About fifteen years ago when I was still in my "pit bulls are awesome dogs!" phase, I had a different German shepherd, a very well-behaved sweet dog I adopted from a Humane Society and I decided to get her a friend. I adopted this pit bull/blue heeler mix from the animal shelter in town. She was maybe thirty pounds and when I went to see her and bring my dog to meet her she was perfectly sweet and they got along great. I took her home and for a month everything was fine. One day she just unleashed on my shepherd and attacked her unprovoked and what was scary was how she just kept going back at her. I would grab her and pull her away and she just kept attacking. Given she was only thirty pounds, my shepherd, Tess, kicked her ass and the other dog came away with the most injuries but I remember had I not managed to pull her away just as she loosened her jaws a little in order to get a better grip on Tess' throat, I would have never gotten her off my dog. I regret to say I hung onto her for another year or so thinking I could help her. My shepherd just avoided her and me after that. The pit mix was always around me so Tess avoided both of us. I would walk them together and Tess would pretend she didn't exist. The dog would try to engage her in play and Tess would ignore her. Several times on a walk when I tried to redirect the dog from fixating on a squirrel or bird, she turned and nipped me on the calf. Not enough to break the skin or leave a bruise (and that might have been the heeler in her) but enough to make me think this dog does not respect anyone or anything. My final straw was when she attacked my little black cat unprovoked. He was that cat that got along with everything. He loved dogs and he and Tess were best friends. My friends brought their dogs over and he was cool with all of them. He greeted people at the door. He loved people. One day he was playing with this dog and she just bit him on the leg so hard he yowled like I'd never heard him before. She went back to the shelter the next day. At that point I thought I had Tess and my cat first and this dog was making their lives miserable. And attacking a friendly cat for no reason? I was afraid for him. I even recommended to the shelter that they put her down. She was unsuitable around other dogs or cats and probably not good with children. I don't know. I don't have any. Well, they didn't like my suggestion. I found out from a different neighbor - whose dog had also had a run in with this dog and cleaned her clock - that the dog had been adopted out again to a family who swore they would get no other animals. The shelter thought this was fine. I tried. I hope she never hurt anyone or anything. If she had been bigger she would have absolutely injured or even killed another dog and definitely a cat.
I got lucky. That's all I can say as far as my previous pets and the ones I have now. I used to be the "adopt don't shop" person but after going to the animal shelter countless times and only seeing pit mixes (and yes mislabeled as lab mixes) I gave up and started looking elsewhere for dogs. Every time I went to the shelter there would be scores of pit mixes throwing themselves at the kennel doors barking aggressively. I didn't want that in my house. I've always been a shepherd girl and I got lucky with Tess who I got from a shelter. My current shepherd came from a friend. I went to a breeder for my paps because I'm older and moving away from bigger dogs. But I have friends who still advocate for these dogs and adopt them because that's all that's available or they are still buying into the myth that they are sweet, misunderstood dogs. I have noticed in my town the popularity of pit type dogs has waned. Even compared to a few years ago when every other dog I saw was some kind of pit mix now I see mostly purebreds from breeders. People want a specific kind of dog, they don't want a project they have to revolve their entire life around. When I take my paps to the dog park all I see are spaniels and doodles and Bernese Mountain dogs (they are particularly popular in my area), Shih Tzus, and Goldens. I am absolutely not against mixed breeds - I have one - but when pit mixes are all that's available people don't want that. I know for a fact that I am a small woman without much strength. I can handle my shepherd, but she is obedience trained and desperate to please. I know I cannot handle a huge musclebound killing machine that once it is in the red zone, I will not be able to control no matter what kind of equipment I have on me to restrain it. I also don't want a creature that has "decided it needs to be the only animal" because that will greatly reduce my quality of life as I love to be surrounded by dogs and cats. My little pack exists harmoniously with each other and three cats. Never had any issues with any of them. They all get along. I have never worried about any of my dogs attacking my cats. The cats rule the roost. I don't worry about my big dogs hurting the little ones (though I am very careful and they are never left alone together when I'm not home, the little ones are crated) because my smallest pap, who is five pounds, is the queen bee of everyone. A pit bull would never respect that. My little pap would be dead by now if I had one in my house.
I know now that it is absolutely the breed. The innate aggression, the shiftiness, the unpredictable attacks that you can't even tell because they have been bred to hide any sign of when they are about to rip something apart. It is terrifying. My best friend has one. He said he can't have another dog while she's alive and he can't have anymore cats. He didn't really want her, his partner did, but he has her so he thinks he needs to do right by her and keep her. He'd rather have a Rottweiler or another Great Dane. I noticed even Cesar Millan has stopped using them as his ambassadors. He uses this little spaniel thing named Sophia and she's adorable. This breed needs to be phased out. I don't think there needs to be a massacre of them, but shelters need to stop wasting resources on these unadoptable animals and just euthanize them. When I worked at an animal shelter thirty years ago there was a strict policy that pits were not adopted out. But at that time there weren't that many that came through the doors. Now they seem to be everywhere in shelters. I feel bad for the animals. It's not their fault, they didn't ask to be bred this way. But it also doesn't matter. People and other dogs and cats are dying. Children are being torn apart. And I can't understand why people are still making excuses for these dogs. I particularly hate the argument that any dog at any time can do the same thing. Bullshit. My five pound papillon could never kill anyone. First of all she's too small and fragile. And second of all, her teeth are terrible and she has no jaw strength. That's just an idiotic argument from the pit community, and they shouldn't continue to be allowed to get away with it. No amount of cute costumes and cute nicknames and insisting that they just want to love and kiss people changes the fact that these animals are loaded weapons. I wouldn't keep a mountain lion or a bear in my house. I don't want one of these things either.

I (21 F) cut off communication with my (39 F) mother, (56 M) Stepfather and my (18 M and 17 M) brothers. I was born with a disability, this didn’t really affect much until I was 3 when I lost the ability to walk, I was then in and out of hospital for years. Things had always been very tense between my Dad, Stepmum, Mum and Stepdad when in hospital I lost a toy my Stepdad gave me we never found out what happened but this caused a big argument, my stepdad threatened to follow my Stepmum who is a nurse home and unalive her with some of his friends, the police where called and of course he talked his was out of any charges. When I got out of hospital my dad and stepmum tried to take them to court and get custody of me but failed, during this time my youngest brother was born and my mother was very sick and in hospital a lot and that is how this all started. I was responsible for a 1 year old while the newborn was being cared for constantly by my stepdad (here’s the tea, the youngest doesn’t even look like his kid, he looks very similar to my stepdads brother) my mum was then diagnosed with epilepsy and had a lot of seizures and almost didn’t make it, this was brought up a lot when I was diagnosed with depression. When I was 6 I spoke to a boy I knew from school, this caused me to be locked in my room, I was then forgotten and spent 2 days with nothing but a bag of chocolate my friend gave me for Christmas. My stepdad would always say he wasn’t my father so he couldn’t hit me but he would lost his temper and hit my most of the time with something or he would break their bong and make me clean it up because “it was My fault” this then caused my youngest brother to hit me when he got mad this resulted in multiple concussions and bruises that I would have to make excuses for. My mum hit me one time because i couldn’t tie my shoe sadly it was school picture day she then told everyone including my dad that I fell and hit my face on the wheel of my wheelchair. I moved in with my dad finally when I was 11 and it was the best day of my life, I only had to see my mum and stepdad on holidays. After they moved away the guilt trips got worse and more frequent, I was a straight A student in high school because reading and writing had been my escape so I focused on homework and for one I had someone to sit there and help me with the work.
I went a few more years being told I was ugly and fat and being called the nickname they had for me “the burden” it made me feel worthless and like it would be better for everyone if I was not around anymore which started my unaliving attempts. During year 12 I was doing my HSCs and under a lot of stress so I sent my mum a message talking about how I was feeling she then didn’t talk to me for 3 years and told my whole family that I was a brat and hurt her feelings which caused a lot of them not to talk to me. We started talking again a year ago and I thought it would be a good time to try to talk to her again about my childhood, she didn’t respond but I received messages from my youngest brother calling me names and saying I’m the reason the family is messed up, he asked why I was being such a B word to his mum, i didn’t tell him because i don’t want him to know what happened since he has a good relationship with his mum and dad. I miss them all very much but I feel I have been hurt too much
Am I the asshole for cutting them out of my life?

A little long but.. we had a group project, I didn't know at the beginning that it was a group project. We had to make a presentation and a pdf with info about a campaign, I did the pdf and then realized, that on the end of the assignment it said "group presentation". We have a group chat with my uni friends and we always do the group projects together, on a side note, my best friend is also on that group, at this point I had told my best friend "hey I already did the group project on accident, but just the pdf, can you do the ppt? Also I will let the group know about it so they can help you" mind you I always help him without complaining and volunteer myself when I know he is stressed. I reminded him many times about it, and put it on the group chat, not many answerd, and my best friend texted me and said: hey what about we let someone else do the ppt this time? I had no problem with that, we always do the ppts together, and he always do most of it tbh. Now, with that I'm not saying he does all the work, we do the pdf with info and he does the ppt. On another story just the day before we did a homework together, just the two of us, he just asked Ai to do a photo for the idea we had for a product, while I did all the rest, I asked him to put the photo on the pdf with all the info I found, and he said "can't I'm with my girlfriend" it's not the first time he uses this as an excuse. I try to be supportive I really do, but it's really getting on my nerves. Any way back to the main story, no body did the ppt, so I did it, no body offer help, I did it with time, on the afternoon because at night I was going out (FOR MY BIRTHDAY) with a couple of my girlfriends, I uploaded the group project only with my name, did not let the others know, since no body really bothered, and went out. On my way to the bar my best friend called me, and said "heeey, (his nickname for me) are you still up?" I knew why he called me, and honestly I was fed up, I always help him, always support him, he rarely does, and at this point he knows at the end of the day I will always cave in to help him, but this time I told him: "stop, just stop, yes I'm up, and I'm currently on an Uber on my way to celebrate my birthday, so no, I'm not going to send you my homework, I did it earlier so I don't have to worry now, and may I remind you I asked you to do it yesterday, TWICE, and today, so I'm sorry but right now I don't want to worry, do it yourself (he called 30 minutes before the group project was due) good night, and I hanged UP. He hasn't texted since. AITA?

Before I get into the meat and potatoes of my ad, let me go ahead and get some logistics out of the way first. The sessions will be every Saturday at 6pm MDT, and do for about 3-4 hours. The session 0 will be on June 15th, and we'll go over the setting, expectations, the system, and character creation together. We'll be using the X-Card, and we'll be playing over discord using theater of the mind. We'll be playing with the Prowlers and Paragons system, and if you've never played it, I'll be going over how it works in the session 0.
Lore
It all started with the expedition to the Sun. After a humiliating defeat in the Space Race at the hands of the USSR, the USA decided to aim higher, the Sun. Things were going to plan and it looked like humanity would be able to take the next step into the final frontier, possibly create a dyson swarm or something when suddenly, communication with the crew was severed and a massive wave of otherworldly energy washed over the solar system. The entire crew was considered MIA, since with how much extra energy was pouring out of our home star, it was akin to stepping into a blender made of radiation, on top of the heat. The world at large still doesn't know what happened to them, but there are many theories, none of which can be proven definitively.
The Sun's odd energy infused the people of Earth with strange powers, creating the first individuals with powers (nicknamed Supers, Metas, Freaks, and officially, Evos, for "Evolved"). During this time, vigilante activity was at a high. Evos with spandex were flying everywhere and breaking everything, and the governments of the world had no idea what to do. That was until the second wave of energy, exactly 10 years after the first.
Throughout the future decades, waves would occur every 10 years like clockwork, lasting anywhere from an hour to an entire week. Each of these new waves brought new and bizarre powers and attributes to the world, and with each wave, more and more heroes and villains were created. "Hero" became an official job title and became incorporated into daily life and pop culture. The never-ending battle between good and evil became the new normal for Planet Earth. The current year is now 2036, and heroes around the world are preparing for the new wave. Anything could happen!
Who I'm looking for
I'm looking for people who like to get into the weeds of detail when it comes to make their characters and incorporating them into the setting. I'm looking for people who are passionate about roleplaying and superheroes in equal measure. I'm looking for people who are committed to telling a dramatic, engaging, and most of all, fun story involving everyone at the table. If any of these describe you, then you're more than welcome.
In that vein, I'm not interested in tolerating any sort of bigotry or general disrespect. We're here to have fun, so I expect everyone to treat everyone else well. Yall have been doing this for a while, I trust you guys not to need a whole song and dance about what the social rules are :3.
How Will This Game Work?
As mentioned, this game will take placed in the SolarPWR (Power With Resolve) University, and you all will be incoming freshman with dreams of being heroes (or maybe other ulterior motives, I'm flexible). Every session, we'll have a moment where everyone can do one thing in service to their education (rping going to class, doing homework with friends, talking to a teacher, etc.), one thing related to your extracurriculars (going to a club, starting a band with a friend, etc.), and after that, the entire session is yours to do with as you please. In essence, this will be a half and half sandbox and Strixhaven type game, and I'm committed to making that fun for everyone.
Every now and then, I'll have a big event during the game, like a bit test, a sports-ball game, some other school event, or smtn related to the story, in which case, you won't get a free period that session, but you will get downtime during the next one.
Just so you are aware, I intend to focus a lot on the interpersonal relationships between characters, which includes a little bit of romance. If you're not comfortable with that specifically, just lmk and no romance shall befall you. I also intend to focus on the responsibilities you all will have as heroes in the narratives and themes that I'm gonna be addressing.
Who am I?
You can call me Infinity, Inf, AM, or whatever floats your boat. I use he/they pronouns, and am an avid artist, GM, and worldbuilder. I take most of my enjoyment out of tabletop games from crafting lore and interpersonal relationships (drama) in equal measure, and I'm excited to share that passion with all of you! I've even designed a couple of TTRPGs, but won't talk much about that unless you ask lol. Beyond art and tabletop stuff, I'm into Pokemon, nerdcore/video game music, and rocks!
While I'm running this game, I'm also looking for a group of buds who'll be down to chill and maybe chat at some point throughout the week. Nothing regular beyond the session of course, just whatever people are available for and willing to do. Coop video games, board games, just chatting, I'm down for whatever :3c.
How to Join?
You can apply to join the game using THIS FORM. If you've read through this whole mess, then I would just like to say that you, sima'am/other, are a 110% certified champion. Please, don't hesitate to send something in! I'll send a friend request over Discord!

The Ancient Weapons. Supposedly weapons of mass destruction that led the front of the Void Century War, so powerful as to erase an island on a single use and raise the world's water levels by meters. We have over the years received small amounts of information on them, and as of 1117 I believe that we can make a pretty solid guess as to what they do (or can do), and as every piece of fiction is an abstraction of the real world and the author's thoughts, I found it interesting to try and relate the ancient weapons with real world weapons that have been planned and researched over the years... Plus a few bonuses because why not. I'm basically just compiling and resuming dozens of wikipedia articles so feel free to go there to know more.

The Ancient Weapons:

PLUTON

Even though Pluton was revealed first, we know surprisingly little about it compared to the other weapons. That said, we know it is some sort of super ship with considerable power, enough to be thought of as unbeatable by anything other than another Ancient Weapon (which is what led to the preservation of Pluton's blueprints until Franky burned them). This makes it easy to make an educated guess because we do already have something of the sort in the real world, something that Oda "surprisingly" hasn't really used in his story's naval combat. I'm talking about aircraft carriers and their general class of ship. The modern flagship of a modern fleet. Until now, we haven't seen anything beyond battleships in the story.
Fleet with four aircraft carriers.
Now, Aircraft Carriers. They don't translate very well to One Piece, after all they have not discovered planes and that technology -- Pluton could have a fleet of aircraft inside of it but in my opinion that's reaching -- yet. It doesn't need to go that far either.
The biggest publicized aircraft carriers, according to the Wikipedia, are about 320 meters in length or about 1050 something feet on average. The longest one ever being the latest USS Enterprise -- the first ever nuclear powered aircraft carrier inaugurated in 1958 -- which is now decommissioned and the biggest and still active ship being the USS Gerald R. Ford that replaced the Enterprise with its class of ships (the class is named after the lead ship). Through my research, aircraft carriers can be as small as 234,40 meters (769ft) but the aircraft carrier exclusive size, the one where only aircraft carriers have is about 300 meters long (~984 ft) and higher.
USS Gerald R. Ford.
These ships are known for the cream of the crop, and their ability to serve as a hangar for other ships, most commonly aircraft. But that's not all they have in store. general features of an aircraft carrier:

• Arresting GeaLaunch Systems: basically help planes land on and launch from the hangar on the deck of the ship;
• Huge crews are needed to use it, like thousands of people, even with the help of modern automation (like 2017 stuff), the Ford still needs 2600 sailors to operate;
• Missiles: they can launch missiles from it, they're generally there to intercept aircraft and other missiles, generally integrated into the Ship Self-Defense System, which is pretty much what you think it is;
• Advanced radar systems to detect whatever's nearby underwater and above water;
• The cool ones are nuclear powered. Most of the energy goes to Electromagnetic warfare (it isn't railguns, it's taking over the EM waves aka destroying the enemy's communication network and stuff, essential for this type of combat);
• They have stealth technologies in them. In real life it's to make the ship look smaller than it is through detection systems, because there is no making such a huge thing completely invisible;
• The ability to carry a lot of aircraft. Gerry Ford can carry up to 90 airships, and they're not puny aircraft, it's the stuff that can do stuff;
• Versatility: having what is ostensibly a moving island allows for a lot more than just war. Diplomacy (mostly intimidation diplomacy), transport, humanitarian aid are all on the table;
• These ships were built to be fast, as fast as they can be of course. Gerry reaches 30 knots (56km/h or 35 mph) and you really don't want to know how much force that is, considering a carrier displaces 100000 tons of water to be afloat (that's a lot);

Possible considered upgrades to modern aircraft carriers (technology discovered or made efficient after the ships were built) include:

• Electric Armor: it's a new type of reactive armor, before we used explosives to dissipate kinetic impacts but now we could make the hull a huge isolated capacitor that will deflect and vaporize whatever tries to penetrate the ship into doing less damage. Basically, you shoot it and the bullet is shot back and evaporate mid flight instead of completing its trajectory;
• Free-electron laser: Real life laser beams made through fancy science. No they don't do a tenth of what you think it does, it's thought to be used to scramble missile and aircraft systems by sending waves of radiation at them (not X-ray radiation necessarily, the broader definition), basically breaking frying the hardware in them.

Besides that, there are also types of aircraft carriers like escort carriers, amphibious assault ships, anti-submarine warfare carriers and more that are specialized on other things.
USS Iwo Jima, an Amphibious Assault Ship type Aircraft Carrier.
What does this all mean?
This means that if Pluton is indeed inspired on an aircraft carrier, you can expect something with the qualities I described like carrying aircraft could be carrying other regular ships instead; the island of the ship could actually be an island; it could shoot missiles instead of cannonballs or lasers; it could have a robot crew operating it (like those in Enel's cover story) or a super autonomous klabautermann; it could have built-in detection systems for Sea Kings, ships and people; it could make Den Den Mushi useless like the EM wave stuff does to comms; be powered by the mother flame if nuclear power is analogous to it... These are things that you can expect coming from the weapon when it is fully unveiled.

POSEIDON

Poseidon is a living person, and she commands Sea Kings. It is the ancient weapon we probably know the most about. It is also the one that is a bit weird to translate to a real world weapon as Sea Kings and sea creatures, alive and stuff. We don't have a fleet of secret specially trained Dolphins or something irl... probably.
A classic panel, legendary even, showcasing the Sea Kings in their nest in the Calm Belt.
Still! There is a type of vehicle that is pretty much the king of sea warfare, and a type of soldier that works well with it. Poseidon can be a mixture of Nuclear Submarines, Shock Troopers, Frogmen and Commandos.
Nuclear submarine, and people on it!
Sea Kings are known to be very hard to detect underwater, and to be able to cause a lot of damage to a regular or unprepared ship. Sea Kings also grow in both size and intelligence with time, making these older Sea Kings powerful and smart chess pieces.
Nuclear submarines are made to be stealthy and to hold a lot of power with their torpedoes and missiles. They go undetected and strike critical hits on the enemy's fleet multiple times if possible. They can also allow for the infiltration into the enemy line, and advanced espionage. The fact they use nuclear power allows them to stay way more time deployed than a regular one that uses conventional fuel. Thankfully when it comes to features submarines like those are way simpler, not that they're not effective, they're very effective.
Another thing is that Nuclear Submarine CAN be armed with nuclear weapons. I don't know how that would translate to a Sea King.
Shock Troops are special troops made to lead an attack on the enemy. Hit first and hit hard, Commandos are special units that go behind the enemy line to do critical missions and Frogmen are combat swimmers that specialize in doing underwater combat, recon, tactical stuff.
a Frogman underwater.
They may even be able to influence ocean currents in some way, a virtue of their number and size. Poseidon is in a way simpler to interpret and understand than the other two, but it doesn't need it. Such a huge marine force can do a LOT in a world mostly made of islands.

URANUS

The newest one to be teased and the first one we got to see working! From high above it strikes dozens and dozens of strikes, each a beam of apparent red light that razes the target until all that remains is a huge hole in the sea. It is confirmed to lead to a rise in sea levels!
The Lulusia Kingdom never... existed.
The first thing that comes to mind to a visual reader is a Laser Weapon, in real life they aren't all that crazy but fiction is different. DragonFire is a new weapon that is being developed by the British and is said to be used in their Royal Navy by 2027, Laser Defense Systems like the Israeli Iron Beam also come to mind. No doubt military all over the world are researching the possibility of making a super laser pointer to stop anything electronic that comes nearby, sadly, the melting/ vaporizing beam or even Cyclops "Punch Force" beams are not realistic. Laser technology is being developed as we speak and systems that allow for a reasonable charging and firing of a beam is in our futures, only that they'll stop missiles and drones and stuff, probably blind a bird or a pilot maybe. It takes too long for a laser to heat up something for a combat application like the ones in our dreams, it'll remain a thing of the future for a while. Nothing of that spy movie satellite laser stuff (at least not with lasers).
DragonFire being tested.
The first thing that comes to mind to a contextual reader is the Thermonuclear Weapon, a Nuke, I don't need to explain about nukes, everyone knows what it can do and how it gets there and stuff. Nowadays a nation can launch one of those bombs in a missile from strategically placed military bases that have been planned for the best mutual destruction possible. You can always put one in a plane and drop it or in the previously mentioned Nuclear Submarine. They're way more powerful than those infamous nuclear bombs from WW2, they're Hydrogen Bombs now, optimized nuclear fission made to instigate a chain reaction with the most available particle in the surface of Earth. It basically gets the air itself to release energy.
Now comes the fun part to me, finding other weapons besides the most obvious that could've been integrated into the design of Uranus. I'll make a list:

• MARAUDER: The Magnetically Accelerated Ring to Achieve Ultra-high Directed Energy and Radiation was a project for a plasma railgun. Launching a few miligrams of plasma at super high speeds and heat. it is said that these projectiles could reach 3% of the speed of light, and that these small projectiles could hold 5 pounds of TNT worth of energy. It obviously released a lot of kinetic and thermal energy on impact. It had an added bonus of scrambling electronics on contact. This project was a 90s thing, and doesn't exist anymore (the launcher was probably too bulky and costly for what could be substituted by 5 pounds of TNT in a mortar)
  
• Howitzer: A mix between a cannon and a mortar. It launches mostly explosive projectiles super high up, and they hit their targets on their fall, allowing them to be sent super far too. A bit of math makes it a staple of modern bombardment technology with precision;
  

an M777 type Howitzer

• Bombers: a type of plane that instead of shooting a bomb in a huge arc trajectory from the ground, simply decided to drop it right above the enemy's head in a smaller arc trajectory, even a straight trajectory in the right perspective;
• Kinetic Orbital Strikes: it has various names, "Thor", "The Rods from God", "Hypervelocity Rod Bundles"... It all is the same thing pretty much, just go up to space with some very heavy rods, make the rocket/satellite/whatever go to the target, and drop those extremely heavy rods on them from space, bonus if you attach a turbine to the back. It's actually quite effective, as simple as it is. You can also do it by launching it like a missile. A few tungsten rods at high speeds are basically a meteor strike. People don't really do this because precision is bad with all the interference of the atmosphere and the elements and bringing a bunch of very heavy metal rods up to space is costly, more costly than just launching the equivalent amount of TNT through a howitzer. There are advantages though, it's very hard to defend against a metal rod falling down at Mach 10, its 11 tons of TNT on impact (which is cheaper to launch than doing all this);

fictional image of what it could be. It's a proven concept but not practical irl at all.

• Sun Gun: it's theoretical, but I thought to put it here. If you've ever heard of Archimedes' heat ray, this is a turbo version of that. Put a very good and specialized mirror on a satellite, and burn whatever you aim at like those children that found out a focusing lens can burn stuff from space. Can also be made with a ton of not as awesome reflectors scattered around focusing on the same place. It can boil oceans and burn cities theoretically. I believe that the development of this one was stopped by one of the treaties, looks like more environmental damage than necessary;
• FOBS: Fractional Orbital Bombardment System: Imagine what the Kinetic Orbital Strike does, but instead of heavy metal it's conventional or nukes. That's it. They can't do it directly from space like a KOS because of treaties but they have a system to accurately launch a nuke from their sites to pretty much anywhere relevant in the world. It's a huge political thing, gives a lot of intimidation power and these FOBS are like a loophole in the treaties that lets nations have a nuke at standby;

how a FOBS works. it launches and evades the usual north facing radars.
That's pretty much it. From what we know, whatever it was based on, it needs to move to be over the target and needs Mother Flame to work. It looks like a laser and it completely erases an island to an incredible depth.

BONUS:

• SMILEY(H2S and SHINOKUNI): A living chemical weapon. H2S is Hydrogen Sulfide (H2S, a real chemical that well, acts as the regular chemical weapon, has the smell of rotten egg and does pretty much everything it is shown in the anime. Shinokuni has a resemblance to a volcanic eruption, without the heat and intensity, covering everything in a layer of solid stuff. Difference is, it leads to a slow death to poison instead of what the people at Pompeii went through;

Shinokuni in action. You can look up Pompeii's \"statues\" yourself.

• NHC10: A highly addictive drug, used to control the children in Punk Hazard. It is how addiction is in real life, and how weaponizing it would work if it wasn't out of the picture and impractical;
• RAIN POWDER: Classic Weather Manipulation. Such practices have long been banned for malicious purposes, but it is possible to seed clouds for example. Silver Iodide is a known chemical that when powdered onto clouds will cause them to gather and eventually rain down. It is Rain Powder in real life;
• MH5: Another Chemical Weapon, used by illustrious pirate Don Krieg;
• DEATHPIEA/RAIGO: Curiously, Enel razing an island is very possible the way he did it. That's because the islands he razed were made of clouds and those are indeed susceptible to the huge electromagnetic blast he concocted. Of course, real earth wouldn't dissipate from it but his powers are indeed dangerous in a cloud layer like that of Skypiea;
• BUSTER CALL: Classical bombardment, used a long time ago, still used now. Just blow up a place until it is gone;
• JACK OF THE DROUGHT: Jack is known to cause destruction wherever the goes. That destruction has earned him the nickname of The Drought, as he not only wrecks the place he also leaves it infertile. Doing such things is not a thing you do normally in war, as you generally use the resources conquered to conquer more resources. Russia won against Napoleon and the German by doing that, depriving the land of food and water, breaking homes as they ran further into their territory and letting the cold environment and basic necessities suck the opponent dry, making the opponent too feeble to win. If only regular people were taken into consideration when poisoning the water supply and razing wheat fields;
• KAIDO OF THE BEASTS/MARS: They can shoot extremely destructive lasers. That's more than a lot of weapons;
• SATURN: His stun power resembles a concussive grenade or a stun grenade, as he can immobilize people in an area around him.

It means to do something nice or good to compensate for something you did wrong or failed to do.
I'm sorry I missed your softball game. I'll make it up to you by taking your team out for ice cream after your next game.
We really need to make it up to your mother for missing her 75th birthday party.

Slight TW for toxic relationships, eating disorders!!
Hello there—I’ll try to keep this coherent even though some of it may sound like rambling. I do apologize if it’s jumbled!!!
Firstly, I’ll try to vaguely explain who I am. Just a gist!!! I’m 21, cis? Girl, born & lived in the same state all my life. My parents are married and have been married my whole life. Yes they do argue sometimes, both of them tend to get quite shouty. I often call my mother a hothead. It’s hard to be around them sometimes because of their fiery spirits. Even now, I tend to either turn on very loud music or simply head to my bedroom when I need to escape their crap.
Myself and my doctor are fairly certain I’m autistic and have ADHD—I’m medicated for ADHD. My PCP had me take this paper screening things (?) to see if my symptoms and traits matched. I scored an 8/10 on the ASD one, and a 9/10 on the ADHD one. However, because America dislikes us, mg doctor told me that it would take me a long period of time and about 2,000 dollars to be told “what I already know”. So, I haven’t been to any psychiatrist or formal testing center.
Now, more explanation. Here, we get into some of my youngechildhood occurrences, so if any of these trigger you or cause you distress too, please do click away!! I am not sure if it was due to autism, or because of an eating disorder, but I have been thin and “ate like a bird” my whole life. I’ve always been picky. Some days when I was in elementary school, I would have cinnamon swirl bread in my lunch. This wasn’t because my parents were careless, no!! I just insisted on having that bread because I loved it. Some kids from my class would lightly tease me for just eating bread. This causes me to start “hiding” what I ate for a long time. I would get sensitive, defensive, and embarrassed every time. I was always thin, and family members would tell me such. To this day, they still do. I had some friendship problems growing up. I also had one specific romantic relationship at the age of 13 to 15 that was very toxic, controlling, and incredibly shameful and embarrassing. I have had panic attacks simply by driving by his house/street. I say all this to say that this is the only sort of trauma I can think of myself going through. I don’t have many gaps in my young memory: in fact, I reflected on every school year I have had and took mental notes of what I recall. I don’t have any long gaps. Yes, I can recall that I felt very misunderstood as a child: I have a very specific memory of noting that I related to Ash from Fantastic Mr. Fox. I was very withdrawn as a kid, and still am to this day. Especially with family. A lot of these things may sound very light, but lots of the things I listed here have affected me greatly and I am still upset/angry about some of these things to this day. It’s hard to get over those things, and sometimes I even feel bad because I don’t know WHY I cannot let it go.
I could go into a longer conversation but I will spare the details, at least for now.
As mentioned, I have had countless friendship struggles. Right now, I do not have any irl friends—only online friends. I do have some friends who are systems, but I did not have any CLOSE friends who were systems until recently. I started to research things so I could understand this person and the alters better; plus, I do like to learn. That’s when I was realized… huh… this is a little TOO relatable. And then I realized that, whenever I research DID/OSDD, I immediately get a headache. It disappears when I stop thinking/researching. Perhaps that is nothing! But my friend did mention he got frequent headaches after realizing he was a system. So perhaps it’s something to note??
Anywho. When I was about 14 (freshmen year of high school) I identified that I felt some emotions that weren’t my own: i recall an instance where a certain song made me cry, even though I personally was never bothered by the song. I then avoided it for a couple years. I brought it up to a friend at the time, moreso just asking her if she knew what DID/OSDD was. She told me she had a friend with DID and described it a little and I immediately thought “oh goodness that is NOT what I am going through! So that must not be it!!” So I ditched that thought for a while.
However, im 21 and im yet again wondering if this is the case. However, I can’t help but feel I may simply have something else. I do not go to a therapist or counselor, so I don’t have any medical professionals I regular talk to. What if I simply have another condition I have never heard of, but some of the symptoms are presenting as some that are similar to DID/OSDD? And because I don’t know anything of that specific condition, im assuming it’s osdd? I have also thought that maybe I simply “want” a mental disordeillness/condition because I want to explain all the unknown feelings I have gone through since middle school. I want an answer. There have been periods of time where I literally thought I was crazy because I could not find an explanation quickly enough. I know it takes a long time to get answers—hell, I waited years for my doctor to tell me he believes I’m autistic. But I very much want answers.
I do not have any gaps in my memory. I don’t randomly “appear” somewhere without recalling how I got there. I don’t have anything that I don’t remember putting there/purchasing. I do have lots of issues with my sense of self. Sometimes I am happy with how I look and who I am, and other times I get incredibly upset because I am so unhappy. Sometimes I get very focused on something (for example, a hobby such as painting) and then I imagine I could be a professional painter… only to feel different later. I’ve had many different changes in my style, some of which I can hardly explain. Sometimes I will pick out an outfit and think it’s the best thing, and then a week later, I’ll be scoffing at myself and wondering how on earth I wore that and liked it. I’ve also had drastic changes in my sexuality/gender that confuse me. I identified as bisexual at first, then I was convinced I was a lesbian. Then I was bisexual again… and now I’m confused on how I thought I was a lesbian because I do have attraction to men. Yes I may have more of an attraction to women, but I am definitely attracted to men. I’ve had phases where I thought I was asexual, only to (yet again) scoff at myself later and wonder what sort of denial I must have been in. I once thought I was genderfluid, but now I identify as a cis woman… I think. Sometimes I still feel as though I’m not quite a woman, but I’m not NOT a woman? If that makes any sense.
When I was in school, I used to space out (sometimes it felt like I was going cross eyed) but I thought that was solely because I didn’t understand my math work and my brain was twisting itself into knots. I have debated going by other names, but I have always thought it was because my name is hard to pronounce (it does not look like how it is spelled). It ticks me off when someone pronounced my name wrong and I thought that was why I wanted to go by literally anything else. But I also think I cannot drop my name because… well, it’s me.
There are other things I’ve felt but I have no idea what is worth mentioning and what I can put into words. I don’t want to be the type of person to be like “yes I have this!!” And turns out I don’t. Especially because that doesn’t help any stigma or people who TRULY have this. I hope this does not seem like I was venting. Honestly, I fear asking medical professionals and friends about these things because I don’t want to seem ridiculous. I have a big fear of rejection and being misunderstood. I also don’t want to be wrong and accidentally hurt someone’s feelings (if I were to ask a system and it turns out I very much DO NOT have did/osdd, will they take it as an insult? Would they think I am downplaying their personal experiences because mine are no where near as bad compared to theirs?? Would they think I am mocking them???)
Any help or guidance is appreciated. Feel free to ask questions too—I tend to be an open book. I have been hanging onto this thought and I cannot let it go, so I simply wanted some outside perspective before I drive myself crazy trying to come up with any sort of definite answer myself.
Also something else to note but I don’t know where to put: I talk to myself. Like, all the time. I often talk about art ideas, my interests, or story ideas (I love writing!). However, I’ll “space out” and almost not control what I’m saying. Almost like I’m on auto pilot. I’ve found that sometimes, while doing this, I say odd things. For example, I have caught myself on multiple occasions saying “Hello?” And responding to myself with “Hi!”. I’ve asked myself how I am before, and responded. I have also accidentally referred to myself as “we” or “us” a few times, but I think it has been a while since I’ve done that. Friends of mine have noticed different “modes/states” I have, like when I’m playing with friends versus when I am typing up serious message and defending my friends. However, they have never said I seem like a totally different person? At least, I don’t think so. They’ve sometimes said “Oh boy, mom-[abbreviation of my nickname] is here!!” But in more of a “my defensive side has come out”.
Even if I definitely don’t have DID/OSDD of any sort, please gently guide me in the right direction? Or at least kindly tell me I am mistaken. Even being told that is a step in the right direction for me!! I simply wish for some outside assistance from people who know far more than I.
If you’ve read all of this, thank you. That alone makes me feel heard.
Also, I have hardly used Reddit before!! I am so sorry if I did or said something wrong. I am hoping I am using it right!!!

Girl names are so easy for me. I could name 10 girls. But it looks like we’re having a boy (which we’re thrilled either way! We have no gender preference), and we are having a rough time naming a boy!
Our vibes: woodsy, nature-y, nothing too “out there”, short (or able to be shortened into a good nickname), vintage, not too popular
Names I like: Ollie, Foster, Corwin, Porter, Sorren
Names he likes: Grier, Forrest, he’s so picky
Names we both like: Ellis (our top name, but I know a girl with a daughter named this and I don’t like her LOL), Silas, Colter,
We’ve decided on Henry as a middle name (family significance), we would use it as a first name if it wasn’t as popular as it is! Initials will be _HD. I need ideas 😅

TL;DR I have chronic pain, ADHD, and I'm struggling to lose weight.
To start, I am nonbinary, but my sex is female. I am 47, 165 cm and 89kg. My weight is well distributed and I have a muscular body type. I have fibromyalgia. I've had it my whole life. I have daily aches and pains and more painful flare ups a few times a year. From as far back as I can remember, my parents joked about me being chubby and gave me the nickname "porky" even though I was a very average weight kid. They warned me not to get fat like some people in my family (my dad struggled with his weight). I was active and athletic when I was young and had a good figure, but sadly always thought I was "fat." In my early 20s it was very popular to be skinny and I developed anorexia. My lowest weight was 52 kg and it was very unhealthy for me. I'm always wary to never get like that again. In my early 40s I focused a lot on getting fit and was in good shape. In recent years I've gone through a lot of stress. At first I got sickly thin and then I regained and then some. I am now at my heaviest weight ever. I look in the mirror and see the fat person my parents warned me about. I recently was at a baby shower and my friends posted pics online and I was mortified. I was bigger than my 8 months pregnant friend. I struggle with emotional eating and a sweet tooth. I have ADHD and I am on 2 medications that are supposed to curb my appetite and food cravings...sigh. I am a nurse so I work shifts and so I'm always trying to stay on top of chronic pain and fatigue. I don't have money for a gym membership right now. I feel hopeless. Please point me in the right direction and tell me that there is still hope. I'd like to get down to 70kg as a start.