How to ask for confirmation of attendance

Tldr: disabled partner has lump sum they may rely on if can no longer work. They asked for a pre-nup, I'm a bit hurt, and baffled whether necessary or who is the one financially at risk from marriage, and struggling to find resources or examples that match our situation.
We are two men in our 30s planning to marry, together for almost 6 years, and discussing marriage from about a year in. No kids and no plans for them. We both came into the relationship owning our own homes and have generally separate finances due to this, though we live in my home and split some expenses like groceries, socialising and pet care, and plan to both sell and move in together.
I work full time and earn 35k (at the moment, aiming for progression), in a job known for decent pensions. My partner became ill and unable to work two years into our relationship, income protection insurance pays 75% of their wages. We are uncertain how long this will be maintained. I am also my partner's registered unpaid carer. They don't require any physical care, but I take on perhaps 90% of the household responsibilities and all the cooking and have done the last few years.
From the point it became clear my partner now had a disability, I accepted I may be the main earner in the relationship at least in the short term, and perhaps forever. We are both quite frugal people and don't need much to be happy, and they're my best friend and the person I want to get old and grey with, so it didn't really matter to me.
Two-ish years ago, they found out they would be getting an unexpected large settlement claim (500k) for an incredibly significant loss they had suffered prior to our relationship. This lifted some of the weight from them in terms of worrying about being unable to work, and meant though at some point I may be the only wage earner, they now had much more financial security and things would certainly be less of a challenge in our future than anticipated.
Recently their solicitor handling the settlement advised they get a pre-nup to protect this sum before marriage. They took note and said they would feel safer that way. I have some feelings on this, probably more suited to relationships, as I wasn't even aware pre-nups were a thing in the UK and have only heard negative things. My partner is under the impression that should we marry, I would immediately be legally entitled to half of their money, and should we soon divorce and disagree on how things should be split, 50/50 would be the default position.
I was under the impression money from prior to marriage was considered separate, and should we divorce, we would have a discussion about separating any finances that were merged. I had always thought should it ever happen, we would be able to come to a fair conclusion, but signing up to something beforehand without any information on our future finances if we split was worrying to me, and I did say that frankly being asked did make me feel not trusted, and very much "what's yours is mine, but what's mine is my own."
I confirmed the only money I would ever want from them in a split would be money I was owed, or losses I had suffered, if necessary and fair - for example if I'd needed to go part time or retire early to care for them, impacting my own savings and pension on the promise of support from them if their lump sum had been allowed to grow. They used an example of should they cheat on me and I want financial revenge as a way they would be vulnerable, which I'm honestly still offended about. They have since apologised for the poor example.
I really want my partner to feel safe in what they have, but equally though I never considered their money something I could touch, I thought of marriage as a partnership where we would each want to use what we have to care for one another. Their attitude to protecting their money has made me uncomfortable, and has made me wonder if I'm thinking too emotionally, being unfair to them over something they are being logical about, or whether I'm being naive and putting myself at risk with my in it together attitude.
So, would a pre-nup work fairly for either of us in our more unusual scenario? Are there any resources or information that might cover this? Everything I can find is very nuclear family oriented!

Questions: Do I need a lawyer? Can I hire a lawyer just to review the separation agreement for normalcy, red flags, or comparison against what I could more likely secure for myself? Does anyone here know enough to advise if I'm barking up the wrong tree about the retirement accounts (i.e., knows that Virginia does not award retirement accounts, or won't see me as deserving of post-divorce support)? Am I missing something I should be considering?
40 years old. Married 20 years. No children. Jurisdiction: Virginia.
I worked to put myself and my spouse through graduate school many years ago, and we made a lot of decisions that sacrificed my career options in favor of hers. Every time I got settled somewhere and started advancing, her career required us to move to another state. Her income has been double mine since she started working. Two years ago, after carefully considering our savings and her income, I quit my job to go to law school. I now have no income and an enormous amount of student loan debt. I have another year of law school to attend.
My spouse dropped the 'd-word' this weekend. I've spent days reeling. She's had months to process it already. She's pushing me to negotiate, sign, and notarize a separation agreement by Saturday. My therapist is out of the office this week, so I can't even meet with her before my spouse wants a binding agreement. She was pushing me to sell the house, pack our things, split them up, and go our separate ways within the next few weeks. I don't have anywhere to put a huge house's worth of stuff, and no money to pay for storage. I'll lose my pets, too, because I don't have anywhere for them other than the house, and I have no income to care for them.
Mortgaged house in a small town. There's some equity there. Rented apartment in a major city (which costs more than double per month as the mortgage on the house). Savings are a few thousand dollars. I have a 401K which doesn't have much in it (I only fed it for about eight years, and I wasn't making much money). My spouse has a retirement account of some kind that she's been feeding for about as long, maybe more. I owe a ridiculous amount in student loans (it'll be more than the equity in the house plus my retirement by the time I'm done). I don't know if that debt, being something I only took on because I thought I would be married and have a second income, is something that qualifies for consideration when crafting an equitable split.
My spouse has a friend who is an experienced lawyer. I don't know her specialty or where she works or anything, so she could be a divorce attorney for all I know. I tried looking her up, and I just got "field of law: other." My spouse has admitted to asking this friend questions about divorce, so I don't know how much advice she is getting that is of the type and quality that legal advice would be, even if they aren't calling it a lawyer-client relationship. Of course, she could be getting legal advice, and simply lie to me.
As I'm going through the finances to figure out who will take over what and who will get what, I wanted to make sure I wasn't negotiating away my best options, and I wanted to make sure we agree to something fair (because I know a court might throw an agreement out if it is patently unfair or if one party was under duress or so uninformed as to make the assent invalid), so I asked my spouse for a retirement statement. She asked why I needed that. I explained. She refused.
In addition, I noticed several hundred dollars extra being pulled in cash from an ATM over the last few months. I don't know if that was for some ordinary expense, because my spouse has done all the grocery shopping for a while, and likes to go to farmer's markets. But it's more than was pulled out for the few months before that.
So now I'm thinking she's not negotiating in good faith, might even be hiding assets, and is otherwise taking every step to put herself in the best position, while letting me shoot myself in the foot in negotiations.
This feels very rushed and very pressuring, and I don't feel able to advocate for myself effectively. I'm already not the best negotiator against her, because I historically approach it from a place of compromise ("Here's what I think we can agree to."), but she historically starts from where she would rather be ("Here's what I want. Convince me to budge.")
The state allows an uncontested divorce where the two parties simply agree how things will be separated, be separate for a time (6 months, if no children), then file the agreement with the court, and the court declares the marriage terminated at that time. People can almost always self-represent. There's also the concern that lawyers cost money. No one does "free consultations" that I've found, and I don't blame them. They have bills to pay.
Do I need a lawyer? Can I hire a lawyer just to review the separation agreement for normalcy, red flags, or comparison against what I could more likely secure for myself? Does anyone here know enough to advise if I'm barking up the wrong tree with the retirement account (i.e., knows that Virginia does not award retirement accounts, or won't see me as deserving of post-divorce support)? Am I missing something I should be considering?

I creampod my teacher, myself and a guy that I will call Frank had been charged in juvenile court. There was a widely hated teacher at the school. I will call him Mr. Bible, that Frank and I attended. This teacher was way over the top and trying to catch students doing anything against the rules. He actually sat on the roof of the school and used binoculars to watch for any rule breakers before school, at lunch time, and after school. He had caught me smoking that year using the binoculars from the roof. Most of the students hated being in his class because he also had a habit of putting his hand down the back of his pants whenever he was writing on the chalkboard. He was a math teacher, so he wrote on the chalkboard a lot. A couple of weeks before the end of the school year, a group of us were complaining about Mr. Bible. During the discussion, someone came up with the idea that it would be fun to put a pie in Mr. Bible's face. In the last weeks of the school year, that idea was discussed often. Finally, it was decided that we should really do it. Several members of the group volunteered to bring a couple of banana cream pies in. Frank and I volunteered to hit Mr. Bible with them. It was my idea, so I had to volunteer. The last day of school came, and our friends had brought The 2 banana cream pies. As planned, after the last class, all the students were streaming out of the front door of the school saying their goodbyes for the summer and waiting for their buses or rides home. Mr. Bible was standing in the middle of the flow of students passing by all around him, trying to keep an eye out for any last minute rule breakers on either side of the mass of students. Frank and I each had a pie and put on our ski masks. In the confusion of all the students around, Frank and I were able to sneak up behind Mr. Bible without him noticing. As planned, I put my pie into the back of Mr. Bible's head. When he turned around to look, Frank put his pie into Mr. Bible's face. Frank and I took off running, but Frank had recently gotten out of a back brace that he had worn the entire school year and he fell down. I decided to go back to help Frank up instead of continuing to run, so the school's security officers were able to catch both of us. The police were called and Mr. Bible wanted to press charges against us for assault. We were taken to the police station where our parents were called to come and get us. When our court date came, Frank and I were seated together with a court advocate at a table in front of the judge and our parents sitting Behind us, Mr. Bible was seated at a table next to us with a lawyer. The lawyer was not even halfway through laying out what had happened before. Almost everyone in the courtroom, including the judge, was chuckling. The judge then started asking me and Frank questions about what we had done, why we did it, and how we planned it. By the time we were finished answering the questions, everyone in the courtroom except Mr. Bible was openly laughing. We were not actually convicted of assault, but the judge ordered that we do 3 days of work detail at the city zoo and that our parents pay for Mr. Bible's dry cleaning Bill. We both were also expelled from that high school.

whew here I go. This happened not too long ago and I need to vent. I had this customer come in and asked for a Caramel Frappuccino. After asking the size, whipped cream, and confirmed his order he goes: “No, no, no. I want a HOT Caramel Frappuccino.” — “sir, we a Frappuccino is blended with ice. We do offer hot caramel latte, caramel latte, caramel cappuccino, caramel macc..” interrupts me while holding his finger in my face “I sayyyyy one HOT FRAPPUCCINO, please. No want something else”. He was telling how he ALWAYS gets this at other Starbucks and assumed we would have the same menu.
I take a deeeeeep, deeeeep breath and asked if he spoke Spanish. He said yes and I repeated everything I said, but in Spanish. He stared at me like I was stupid and said, “señorita, let me call my wife and prove you wrong because you can’t even do your job”. He calls his wife on speaker and asked his wife what he normally gets. I’m not sure if I wanted to cry out of anger or delight when she said, “mi amor, macchiato de caramelo”. He asked for a Venti and sat at the furthest corner of the until his order was ready.

Hi all it's a long story but I'll try and keep it short Basically I (34f) went NC with my whole family last year after my nephew (10 m) SA'D my daughter (5 f) this was traumatic for all of us, however, none of my family checked in on my kid which upset me. I did not want family to take sides, I had not asked them to, I just wanted to check in on my daughter, but they all seemed more interested in protecting my nephew so I did admittedly post some Facebook posts, not going into detail as to what happened but I did essentially disown my family in them and blocked them due to them being more offended that I was upset at them for being cold to my kid than the fact my nephew had assaulted my daughter in such a horrific way.
I obviously phoned the police about the situation before the blocking happened as there was CCTV of the incident, which happened at my parents house. I was there at the time of the incident but my daughter and nephew usually went off to play together with no problems previously, so obviously after I found my daughter had been assaulted, I was upset and have felt immensely guilty that she got violated under my nose and on my watch that day, however my mother was straight on the defensive and down playing everything saying that nephew wouldn't have time to do anything (going off the CCTV and what my daughter said he had plenty of time and definitely utilized it) and when I started to get upset about the situation (more weepy due to shock than anything else) she'd brerrate me until I eventually snapped and called her a couple of expletives and left with my partner and kids. We since found out that the case went to CPS (UK crown prosecution services) and wasn't deemed in the publics interest to prosecute due to nephews age.
I had not seen or heard anything from anyone (I blocked them but my partner didn't yet he's had no attempts to reach out from them either) up until my birthday 6 months later, when my mum sent me a birthday card , which had no acknowledgement of anything or asking about either of my kids and was a basic "to frootloopsoncrack happy birthday, from dad and mum" message. I told my mum not to reach out again as I didn't want anything to do with them. Message seemed to be recived until my daughters birthday last week. A parcel came through addressed to both daughters, containing dresses too big for both of them and a card then how school was and wishing my eldest a happy birthday and saying she hopes the dresses fit. This upset me again as she had ignored my request not to send anything and had attempted to bypass me and manipulate my kids while acting like nothing had happened. I get that she misses her grand kids but she needs to understand that to move forward there needs to be acknowledgement and acceptance that something happened to my daughter and that my boundaries I will want to put in place to keep my daughters safe in the future will be respected, at the moment, neither of these have shown any signs of happening as both attempts to reach out on mum's behalf have shown no acknowledgement and lack of respect for the NC rule as there was no conversation with my partner before both attempts to reach out. My mum had control issues anyway and this has been the source of a lot of conflicts between us as I have never wanted to do things she deemed "acceptable" and she's never shown interest in me unless it's an excuse to bully or belittle me and the things I enjoy (eg- music, comics, drawing etc) because my tase in music was "crap" and my other hobbies were childish and embarrassing for her.
The problem now is though, after 9 months of not speaking to all my family when I only really have a direct issue with my nephew, his mum and my mum, I'm starting to feel bad and guilty for lumping them in with them on my NC rule. I do have issue that nobody reached out to ask me how my daughter was doing or to see if she needed anything, she was 5 at the time of the assault after all and has had night terrors and flashbacks since, as well as having autism which is making everything harder for her to understand anyway, but I have no idea what they've been told or how they understand things to be, despite me alerting them to what happened Incase family with kids left them around my nephew un attended and it happened again, and I just hope they know I don't blame everyone else who wasn't involved for what happened, just their reactions to my child. I suppose what I'm asking is, do I try and reach out to those family members and let them know this or just stick with the NC barrier? My head is all over the place and though my partner has been supportive in all my decisions regarding my family, he doesn't see why I'm having a hard time distancing myself so I hope I'd be able to get outside advice. Thanks for reading as I know it's long and I'm autistic myself so have trouble keeping things concise!

Some background: A couple of years ago I applied for this job, and got it! I was so happy. The hiring manager was a person I previously worked with and who might be the best manager in the world. And the client I was going to work with is super exiting.
A month before I was supposed to start, the hiring manager called me to inform about some organizational changes. I was originally hired to be a part of the hiring managers team, but they had decided to promote another guy, whom we’ll call Jason, and divide the team into two. Meaning that Jason was going to be my manager, and not the hiring manager. The main reason for this is because Jason is the client service director for the client I was hired to work with.
I have previously worked with Jason and it was horrible. Me, among some other colleagues, were burned out because of him. I was on sick leave for two months before doing work training for six months. Now, six years later I’m still not able to work full time because of it.
Jason has the ability to stress people out around him. I think it’s because he feels that the client will cancel the contract. And to handle this he starts appointing tasks on top of the existing workload. All of this sounds reasonable, except that he is extremely delusional and paranoid. He seems to live in his own world and often interpret situations drastically different than others. Whatever he does, he always seems to misinterpret and misunderstand people, even the client. All of this makes him really reactive and prone to stress.
Side note 1: I have later discovered that nothing comes of it if you ignore Jason’s requests, since he never follows up on them. So you don’t have to do what he says because he will forget that he asked for it anyways. Or deny it.
I told the hiring manager that this changed things, I really wanted to work with them and the client and we agreed to talk again in a couple of days. I was hesitant to go through with it now, because of the risk of being burned out again so I started applying for other jobs, just to make sure I wasn’t going to be out of a job if I decided to not start working for them. When I spoke to the hiring manager again I had been offered another job, which I informed them of. They were very disappointed and naturally asked why I didn’t want to work for them. When I told them of my previous experience with Jason they acknowledged my feelings and said that they knew what behavior I was referring to and that Jason is tricky to work with. They said that they really wanted me to work for them though. So much so that they would consider another setup. I was still going to have the hiring manager as my boss, but be working with the client that Jason managed. The easy thing to have done is of course to move me to another client that Jason didn’t manage, but I work in a specialized field and not all of this company’s client had that service so there was no other client to move me to. I was super impressed by the hiring managers and CEOs will to do this for me and happily accepted to start working for them.
What I’m inquiring about: Then came the day I started. Jason immediately singled me out. He told me almost weekly in different team check ins, in front of everybody in the team, how unbusinesslike I was because I didn’t follow the client contract. When I asked him for it in order to correct my behavior, he always said he didn’t know where it was.
I was new to the role and didn’t know what was expected of me. I naturally believed Jason was right, and blamed myself for always getting it wrong. Time after time I heard how unbusinesslike I was and how I wasn’t making the company any money, and after some time, I started to translate it to that I was bad at my job. I started avoiding coming into the office because he was easier to handle in front of a screen than in front of an entire group of people staring in scilence. I never told my hiring manager about this, because I actually believed that it was my fault, and I was ashamed for not living up to the task they so confidently hired me to do. And now they’ve left the company.
After seven months Jason finally shared parts of the contract with me. When I started to act on it and tried to charge the client for services it didn’t specify, Jason would tell me that the contract is so vague that you can’t really tell what services is or isn’t included. Making me even more unsure of myself, since I have no part in legal matters. That’s Jason’s responsibility.
It has now been 2,5 years and I am just now realizing that this behavior from Jason from when I started might be something I should report to HR. I now realize that there in fact was no guidance at all or help in order for me to improve. I also don’t have any income related goals or responsibilities in my role. Jason just tried to brake me and get me to quit. Maybe possibly due to me telling my hiring manager of my experiences with him.
Can this be considered harassment? Or bullying? And should I report this to HR even though it was some time ago? Would anything come of this? What are your experience with these types of situations?
Side note 2: About 5 months ago, the CEO removed Jason’s manager position and split his team up into two other teams. Word on the street is that Jason was stripped of his role because so many people had requested to switch teams due to his management style. But I want to be clear that the CEO has never confirmed that was the case. Jason still works for the company and is still in charge of my client. He has calmed down only flaring up from time to time.

Hey guys, need to vent about a nightmare client! This is going to be lengthy so if it’s TLDR feel free to skip 🤪 war and peace pending. This is the only place I can get these things off my chest.
I take weekly bookings and payments. I’m a sole trader with limited clients on my books who have regular reserved slots - however they don’t always go ahead every week. Things change such as: dogs health, vet visits, the groomers, clients schedules, sometimes I’m off sick, etc. so for this reason, I take weekly bookings as opposed to monthly. So although their slots are reserved on my books and I won’t take on new clients if my books are full, I still need confirmation each weekend for the week ahead of days and times wanted.
My new policy was that I’m now taking upfront payments alongside confirming/booking for the week ahead. Also no refunds unless the walk is cancelled with 24 hours notice. I used to take payments at the end of each week every weekend, I was chasing clients for payments way into the following work week and it drained me and became too confusing. I sent out a 6 week notice period to my policy change. I then sent out a second reminder the weekend prior to it coming into place, and then a third reminder the weekend of! My notice also stated any questions please just ask.
This one particular client had 5 slots reserved with me Mon-Fri, which was great! She however did not like the fact she had to book in and confirm with me every weekend that the slots were going ahead alongside upfront payments. So although I warned her way in advance about my policy change, instead of voicing her concerns to me, she played dumb. I know she played dumb because she later on raged at me about how my business model doesn’t work for her after I held my boundaries.
If my policy change genuinely didn’t work for a client or they didn’t like it, that would honestly be absolutely fine. I wouldn’t take offence at all if they were just honest in the first place. Luckily everyone was fine with it apart from this client.
The first week of my policy change she hadn’t booked in with me to confirm for the week ahead at the weekend and hadn’t sent me over upfront payments. She also still had not paid me for the week prior to that one before my policy change. So she owed me for an entire week of dog walks and also hadn’t paid me upfront for the following weeks. She also had not responded to my reminder text that very weekend, and she’d “seen” it. This is after over a months notice and other reminders.
Come Monday, I readily assume I’m not walking her dog. She then messaged me half an hour before she was expecting me to walk her dog saying she’d just left for work and can I check on the dog as she had a bit of an upset stomach that morning (I now think she did this on purpose, as the dog was absolutely fine when I did go). I apologised and said sorry, you haven’t booked in with me to confirm your slots and haven’t paid me - I will need payments prior to the walks now and also last weeks payments are still outstanding. Her reply was “oh I haven’t been told the amount for this week?” 😂🤣 well firstly she didn’t even confirm with me, secondly I would’ve then confirmed the total amount for upfront payments once she’d confirmed her slots were going ahead! Which wouldn’t be hard to figure out anyway seeing as she wants the same number of walks every week. It’s the same price every week. She then transferred me over the money after I went and did the walk anyway and we had a long, draining conversation where I repeated my policy and told her the total amount owed. So I dealt with her as an exception for the first week.
The following weekend I didn’t hear from her again. I had repeated my policy and booking/upfront payment arrangement to her 4 times now. This woman isn’t stupid, she’s a qualified psychotherapist. So this time I’m like okay, she really doesn’t need me this upcoming week or she’s doing this on purpose, either way I’ve made my policy clear. So I didn’t turn up for walks. No booking, no payments, no walks. That is my policy now. As cut throat as it may seem, I absolutely cannot chase clients down every week and chase my hard earned money - I was far too blasé about it in the past and it made me very stressed. I need people to be responsible enough to book in and pay for their pets care if they want my services! Do people maybe forget the odd time? Sure. We are all human. But this was very obviously blatant ignorance now. So, I didn’t show up.
It got to THURSDAY and I had multiple missed calls off her being absolutely frantic that I hadn’t shown up to walk her dog. She said I’d neglected her dog and she felt like a “bad dog mum and so guilty”. I kindly explained to her that we’d discussed my policy of upfront payments alongside weekly booking confirmations and that because of this and me telling her 4 times about my new policy, I didn’t think she needed me as I hadn’t had any booking confirmation or payments from her. She threw a hissy fit saying every other service she pays for such as her cleaners just show up on a weekly/monthly basis without even talking to her and then invoice her afterwards and wait for her payments.
I explained to her that although other services do that, I don’t because it wasn’t working for me. I work with animals which are living creatures and things can/do change week to week. My policy is weekly bookings alongside upfront payments for this reason. It protects mine and my clients time and protects my income also. I explained that although her slots were reserved because I’m a sole trader, that she still needs to book and pay weekly. I then compromised and said if she’d prefer to set up a weekly direct debit if she keeps forgetting, that’s fine. She said I was “punishing her for my lack of boundaries with clients in the past” and that she was “a faithful client to me booking in so many slots” and how dare I treat her this way. She’s forgetting I’d equally reserved slots for her on my books and so I wouldn’t take on new clients because of that! It went both ways.
She had a long rant about how my business model doesn’t work for her. She sent me 10 minutes worth of voice notes on WhatsApp, in which she contradicted herself constantly. If she doesn’t like my policy that’s fine, but why not mention that when I sent a 6 week notice to my policy change? Besides, prior to this I was still taking weekly bookings! But it was me chasing down clients asking them if they wanted walks and then chasing them for payments into the following work week. My new policy set boundaries and protected myself and my time and she hated it.
FINALLY this is where it got really weird… She then used me enquiring about her therapy services against me. She’d brushed on her job to me MONTHS prior and I enquired about her prices and whether she’d be comfortable if I had any sessions with her in the future (given I’m her dog walker) or if she could recommend anybody to me. We live in a small town away from big cities and word of mouth recommendations for private services aren’t uncommon at all. That was it, one short conversation. Kept very professional. She was very engaged in that conversation and even offered to lend me a book to read.
She then threw this interaction in my face saying if I “hadn’t of opened up to her about my mental health struggles she’d have spent less time worrying about me and could’ve spent that mental energy remembering to book in with me and pay me at the weekends”. I genuinely didn’t tell her anything concerning whatsoever, just enquired about her therapy prices.
After I’d dropped her key and book back to her house I blocked her number and she proceeded to e-mail my business e-mail saying her children were upset I didn’t walk her dog and that given she’d lent me a book and did me a favour, I could’ve at least reminded her about my policy change. I reminded her multiple times!! Absolute psycho lol. It was absurdly concerning behaviour to reach out to me via e-mail after I cut all communication post dropping her key and book back. Good riddance to her. Anyone else had a nightmare entitled client like this?! Tell me your stories! Thanks if you read this far 🤣

TL;DR at the bottom.
So, my (27M) girlfriend (26F) of 7 years broke up with me last August. She said she’d lost feelings for me and didn’t see a future together. It was devastating, but I respected her decision and went no contact from the start. The first few months were brutal—I couldn’t stop thinking about her and wishing she’d come back. But with time, therapy, and support from friends, things started to get better. I didn’t think about her as much and started moving on.
About two months ago, I started seeing someone new (27F). We hang out weekly and have a good time. Things are going well. I do feel a bit distant and hesitant, not letting her get too close just in case. I only let her see the surface. She’s great, and I actually enjoy being around her. I could see her as a potential partner, but I'm still not there yet. I think I don't want a serious relationship right now (am I scared?). We haven’t had "the talk," and I think she's fine with how things are going.
Well, on Saturday, I went out with my friends and ended up hooking up with a friend of a friend (30F) around 5 am. I drank too much and have memory lapses about what actually happened. I know it did happen because my friends confirmed it and I have her number saved in my contacts. But I can’t really say what we talked about or what actually went on. Before losing my memory, I was chatting with her, and she seemed pretty cool. Now my problem is: should I text her?
Reasons I should text her:

• She was pretty cool, interesting, and cute!
• I've never really dated; I've always been in long-term relationships (I wouldn't change it for anything). I'd like to experience it.
• I’m liking this newfound attention I am getting from girls (this could be problematic).

Reasons I shouldn’t text her:

• I don’t want to mess up things with the girl I am currently seeing.
• We kissed at 5 am in a club and had never met before. It’s quite ridiculous wanting something more. Many things only exist in a certain time and place.
• I’m a bit scared of exposing myself and texting her. Maybe she gave me her number because she was drunk and now she doesn’t want anything (what’s the worst that can happen? Nothing).
• I don’t want to play with them...

So, I don’t really want to ask, “What should I do?” but, what should I do? Any advice on managing my insecurities? Is it okay to want to “date around” and not want to settle down?
Thanks!
TL;DR: Ex-girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me. Started seeing someone new two months ago, but hooked up with another girl last weekend while drunk. Should I text the girl I hooked up with or focus on the new girl I'm seeing? Any advice on managing insecurities and dating around?

Our daughter is turning 7 this July. One of her favorite things in the world is swimming. We live across the street from my parents. My parents have a large pool, shading, and a large pergola. We have a large backyard, but it has no shade at all and no pool, so if we were to host the party here, we have to invest in tents, whereas shading will be free of cost at my parents house. We also do not have a pool. We have been discussing the plans lately, and have been (or so I thought), leaning towards having the party at my parents house, since their backyard is already shaded and ready to entertain.
Today my mother calls me and says, "Can you let me know what the plans are because if we're going to have it here I want to make sure everything is ready including the pool." So I ask my wife "Do we know what date we are thinking because my parents want to know when to have the backyard and the pool ready." She says, I don't know yet and I wasn't planning on making the pool available to anyone."
Now, perhaps I could have handled my reaction a bit better and for that I am sorry, but I got upset in my response back to her on that, because who has a party outside with an available pool in the backyard in the middle of July and tells their guests swimming is not available, especially when it's one of their daughter's favorite things to do at their own birthday?
My issue is the reasoning is not good. First she says, "She can't swim." This is true. She is in swimming lessons and progressing but not all the way there yet. However, we go over to my parents pool 4-5 days a week in the summer usually, and my mother and I go in the water with my daughter every time and don't leave her side. She also sits in a tube for added safety. So I don't really see what makes this different. She says, some of the other kids can't swim. The other kids she is referencing are 3 of the 5 kids that will be in attendance, and those kids are 1-2 years old, so if they are going to swim, their parents would of course take them in. When I said this, she said, "They're not going to let their kids go in the water anyway." I said, if they're not going to take their kids in the water anyway, then why are you worried about offering swimming to the guests?
Her answer to that was, "It's going to be hard on me." My wife does not like water, or swimming. Every time my daughter has swam, it's been me that takes her into the water, and I have no problem doing that. I think she went in the water maybe 2-3 times with her last summer. Otherwise she usually just sits under the pergola while I swim with her and watches. So if it's going to be me that is supervising and swimming with her, how is it going to be hard on her?
Her last reasoning was "I don't want her in the water for the whole party." Our daughter is 3 feet 10 inches, 51lbs. She is incredibly skinny for her height and has almost no body fat. She always gets cold and wants to get out within an hour. maximum 90 minutes, so that wouldn't happen anyway.
I just don't understand, and can't help but feel like there is another reason she doesn't want to bring up, but when I press her on it she just gets upset and doesn't understand why I'm making a big deal about it. A birthday party for a child should have things the child enjoys, not what you would enjoy, and I just think it's flat out wrong both to our daughter to take away something she loves, and wrong to our guests to not allow them to do something readily available to cool off in the middle of July at an outside party.

I want to start off by saying i love my partner and we have worked through a lot to get to where we are now, i forgive him with my whole heart. My question is solely about the insecurities I've been dealing with since.
Some context, we have known each other since we were about 12, we met through mutual friends online as we both enjoy gaming. We have now been dating for over a year, long distance but with regular visits and i plan on moving this July to pursue a career so we will no longer be long distance.
We argue far less than your average couple, we quickly became able to have difficult conversations whilst being calm and keeping each others feelings in mind. There are just two situations that have happened and although i forgive him, i am having a hard time working on what they have caused me internally.
The first situation was when i caught him "cheating". This will depend on your opinion, but i found texts of him asking another girl for nudes, and saying things such as "any guy would be lucky to have you" etc. She rejected his requests every time and i did reach out to her when it happened. She explained that she had no idea i existed, he kept me secret from his college friends and she showed me more examples of times he was being unfaithful. But she did confirm nothing ever happened between them. This experience practically gutted me, funnily enough i found out on my birthday as he was here visiting and i had gone through his phone (i had suspicions, girls always know huh) This was resolved after a couple months, without hesitation he blocked her and explained himself as best he could. I think It just came down to him wanting attention/validation, i dont want to go into detail but he has some parental issues that i think could be behind this. He claimed he wanted me to find out which is why he allowed me full access to his phone, he couldnt make himself stop even though he knew it was wrong, so letting me discover it was easier. It took many lengthy conversations, and he answered every question i had, on top of going above and beyond to regain my trust.
The second situation was less serious, but has sky rocketed my insecurities when coupled with the situation from before. When we began our relationship we were really open and set some easy boundaries to avoid future conflicts. One of mine was that im not super okay with him watching porn but would be open to a conversation if its something he feels he wants. His instant response was that he had no need for it since he had me, if he ever wanted something he would simply ask me for nudes in between our visits. I was delighted with this as i just have an uncomfortable view around porn and i knew i would always be willing to give him whatever he wants. Last visit i of course found a lot of porn on his phone. This really upset me as i did notice a decline in him asking for nudes from me. I confronted him within a few hours and he apologised for hurting me, he explained that it would only be if i was at work or asleep. The part that hurt most was just the fact that he'd already promised he didnt watch any, and i'd tried to make him comfortable with the subject by letting him know i was open to the conversation if needed in future.
Either way, both situations were handled and i am once again so happy in the relationship, we have many plans together and he steps up at every opportunity to relieve my insecurities. I've met his friends, i have full access to his phone and location (he also has mine for safety) he spoils me at every chance and in general we are just very loving and happy together.
Despite that, my self esteem is wrecked. I compare myself at every waking moment to not just the girl from the first situation but every girl in general. I have never had self confidence, i grew up anxious and never liked myself even as a child. But it now feels amped up by 100.
(TW on the next paragraph)
I'm finding myself skipping meals again, falling into old self harm habits and being unable to sleep. How i look is constantly on my mind, am i walking weird, am i stood weird, i wonder how my face looks at the angle that person is looking at me from. I simply feel like i am not enough and never will be. Is this just what everyone feels in their 20s? Even seeing an attractive person on my tiktok or instagram feed can send me spiralling. I know my boyfriend is out of my league as much as he denies it. I don't think im capable of self love but i definitely know i can at least not be drowned and consumed by my insecurities, i just cant work out how to get there.
Maybe its not to do with these situations at all and maybe its just me but everything online is so unhelpful. I would love advice from someone who's worked through something similar or maybe a fresh set of opinions? My heart pounds every time i check his phone even though i find nothing, i just cant stop myself yet. I want to ask his friends all kinds of questions about what they know and when they found out but i do hold back from that. My partner deserves his privacy back but how do i get there.

I say this as an employee, not a customer. I’ve worked in retail for ten years and I’ve never seen customer service as bad as Lowe’s. I came here for the pay, started about a week ago and have worked every day since. I talk to customers every single day that are SO frustrated because no one will respond when we call an employee to help them. My coworker and I have had to apologize profusely to customers that come to us at customer service, wondering why they’ve been waiting for 30 minutes for someone to arrive, and we have to explain that we’ve called for an employee three times. We literally can’t do anything but keep trying to call for someone to help them.
This has happened at least a dozen times since I started. This isn’t an impatient customer issue, this is a store issue. They just hired over two dozen new employees (me being one of them) at this store, so I’m baffled why we’re still struggling to meet customer demand. It’s honestly frustrating, because all I can do is tell the customer that I’m trying, and wonder why no one is responding to my call.
Today, in the last hour, another customer left because he couldn’t get anyone to help him get a toolbox he wanted. After that, another customer is wondering why no one is attending online pick up. I ask a manager but he’s busy. I do an overhead call and no one responds. I don’t know how to do pick up, and I have to stay in the self checkout area to attend to those customers instead. All I can do is watch the customers at pick up stand there and continue trying to call people.
I understand that people aren’t on hand right away. I understand that it takes time to get from point A to point B in the store. But none of the examples I’ve given or the experiences I have had over the past week are the result of impatient customers.
Maybe I’m just not getting something? Maybe I’m in the wrong here?

Bells rung out over Nocturne. For it was the day that their lives changed forever. First it was the day that Hestia fell from the sky, second it was the day the emperor came and brought them to the stars
And so the people celebrate. Crowds filling the streets, vendors shouting their wares, couples falling in love, others breaking up as they catch eyes for another. And some take the chance to ask the question to their lover.
As in all it was a normal holiday where a large gathering of people was the norm. You stand above it, on a balcony waving to the crowd below. Though the figure next to you is the one they are waving at
Hestia. All eleven feet of her stand, clad in her green armor, flames inlays flickering in the lamp light. One of her hands is laid on the balcony, supporting her as she half hangs over it, waving to everyone below.
You gently grip her armor, trying to pull her back over the balcony “Babe, please I dont want you to fall”
“I am not worried over such a little fall” she answers. Causing you to raise an eyebrow at the “little” fall, a good 50 or so feet to the ground below. As the bell tolls the 8th hour she relents and leans back
“Unfortunately that's our scheduled time” she calls to the masses below, waving to a few children causing them to cheer as they squabble over who she actually waved to
Turning with a deep laugh she takes your hand and pulls you along back into your bedroom, armor clanking as she moves over to the servitor to have it removed, pulling a cover to give her privacy
“Want to go out on the town?” You ask, only seeing her head over the privacy screen “that would be wonderful, let's have some fun” you see her head duck down and hear rustling cloth
She pushes the screen aside and steps out in a tank top and short shorts. Thick thigh and shredded midriff on display as she laughs at you hanging jaw
“With how little I wear around you id expect you'd be used to this by now” she uses a finger to close your mouth, leaning in and pressing a kiss on your lips
“I still marvel at the sunrise everyday” you call out as you marvel at her retreating form
“Then let's go before you can admire that too” she calls over her shoulder with a wink
Shaking your head you follow her out. Jogging lightly to catch up with her. An arm pulling you into her side as you walk out the gate. Crowd respectfully parting to allow you to pass
Looking to the vendors you tour through the art on display. The two of you are in a booth selling finely crafted salamander models.
You find one made in your favorite colors, a gasp escapes your lips as you rush over, eyes wide as you lift it up. “Can I keep him?” You turn to see a smiling Hestia
She makes a show of patting for her purse “ill get it for you. But you'll need to pay me back” she pulls her wallet out, metal changing hands as the shopkeeper almost refuses charging her. She insists, refusing to leave a debt unpaid.
Behind her you find the stepstool, holding it up with a tilted head you receive a nod of confirmation. Setting it up and climbing up you manage to leap upon Hestia's back, arms wrapped around her neck as you plant a kiss on her cheek
Feeling the rush of warmth as she answers “and I think thats payment enough” she reaches back and grabs you and holds you in front of her. Dangling there like a kitten by the scruff of its neck, salamander figure in your hands. She plucks the figure and hands it to the shopkeeper.
“Have that delivered to the palace” she instructs, tossing you over her shoulder “I've got my hands full” she says as she cups your ass
You blush and beat on her back as she walks into the streets, still holding you. You wiggle as she kneads your butt, her hand fitting perfectly. You manage to bring yourself around, a bitter of help from her, and sit yourself on her shoulder
You lean down and kiss her forehead. “Meanie” you call her, ruffling her ash white hair. “nothing wrong with showing my love” She retorts. You fake pout as she keeps walking
Spotting a restaurant you wanted to try, you point it out. “Can we go there? I made sure to make reservations” she beams at you “well if you made reservations it would be rude to miss them”
“More so because I already made the deposit” thr joke causing a deep laugh. Startling some of the people around you with its sound. “Then let us go little flame”
She leads you over to the restaurant, pausing only at the door to sling you under her arm. Opening the door the entire restaurant turns to the doors flying open. Seeing Hestia standing there, you slung under her arm
Looking at the host. “We have a reservation. Under the name Hestia” the host pointing you to the sole table on the balcony, a primarch size cushion you had delivered earlier rests on the floor.
She carries you over and places you in your chair, ruffling your hair as she takes her own seat. Blushing as she realizes that you made it so your at eye level with her
Handing her a menu before opening yours you hear a gasp as her eyes are draw to what you pressured she would be ordering “they have the planets spicest Chilli here?” She looks up at you with tears in her eyes “I've been wanting to try that for a while now”
“Only the best for my Volcano” a blush errupting on her face at the complement. You wave the waiter over as you close your menu “ill have the steak, medium please”
“Chilli, as spicy as you can serve” she orders after you, grabbing your menu and passing them over. You grab the bottle on the table, boring both of you a glass of wine as you look over the balcony over the festivities below
“It's a nice night Wyrmheart. Great place you've chosen here” as she places her hand on the table. Taking it and placing a kiss on it you let your actions speak for you
She laughs as the waiter brings your order over. The spice of her Chilli causing your eyes to water from across the table.
You both dig in, the food is delicious. She offers you a bite of her chilli. “I think I can see the spoon melting” a laugh from both of you as a whisp of steam comes off the Chilli as you say it.
You reach under the table, grabbing a package you left there. “I got you something” you say as you pass the package over the table
“Is this one fine to open in public?” She teases as you blush. She's already opening the package before you can answer. Opening the box reveals a elegant knife, forged for someone of her size, beautifully crafted and inlayed with gold and red wire
“It's the first thing I forged by myself” you proudly say. Receiving gasps in response. Both from Hestia and the waiters. The former covering her mouth. Knife falling from her hands. The later running off
“What? Wrong place?” You look around confused st why the entire restaurant has just gone quiet and staring at you
“My love, on Nocturne we are a planet of smith” Hestia begins “everyone can Smith, if not everyone does. And one of the most intimate things you can share is the first thing you ever made”
Waiters come back with champagne, popping it in time as fireworks start in the square below
Hestia looks at you with love in her eyes as she takes your hand “and to show someone your first forged item is sign of serious trust, and to offer it as a gift is often a sign of proposal”
“And I accept”
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Trigger Warning: drowning and pet death
Backstory: I (27f) moved in with my dad, stepmother (who I’ll just call mom, bc she’s great), my step-grandmother(my grandma), and two much younger siblings (15m, and 8f) almost a month ago. They have a border collie(BC) and 2 French bulldogs(FB1, FB2). Their yard is mostly concrete, and in the corner of the yard is a small in-ground pool/spa, about 1.5 the size of your average above ground hot tub. The previous owners of the house removed the gate that was originally blocking off the pool from the rest of the yard to the other side yard to create what we assumed was a dog run (there’s a bit of grass over there). This area is where the kids go for no dogs allowed sports practice.
My grandma and I were home alone with the dogs over the holiday weekend while the rest of my family was out for a big family trip for four days. All weekend was great. No major incidents, just one accidental double breakfast for the dogs due to lack of communication. Yesterday, my family gets back from the trip and about an hour and a half later, BC wants to go outside. BC LOVES to jump in the pool. 8/10 when it gets warmer she zooms from the back door straight in. But then she’s exiled outside for a while until she dries off enough to come inside. She tends to bark when she’s out back alone and mad she can’t come inside.
Because of that, sometimes I go outside and sit under the gazebo(canopy?) thing they have set up over their outdoor furniture and play on my phone or read or whatever, while BC runs around and jumps into the pool and tries to shower me by shaking off and asking for pets. From one side(the side I usually sit on that’s in the sun) you can’t really see the pool because of another two bigger chairs. The FBs have been trained since they came home(as little ones) to stay out of the pool after an incident where FB2 decided she wanted to sit in it with everyone else and sank like a rock. FB1 loved to chase BC around the yard and play and fight with her, and would stand at the edge and bark and wait for her to come out for more chasing.
So I’m outside with the exiled and swim happy BC and the FBs get let outside. I’m watching a show on my phone, mostly throwing the tennis ball for FB2 until she needs a break for bad hips, while BC and FB1 are running amock and barking at people walking on the street. It’s been about 45 minutes and BC isn’t dripping wet anymore, so I check with my dad who’s in the living room if she can come in, so then she and FB2 run inside and I realize FB1 doesn’t come in. Dad and brother confirmed he wasn’t let in when I wasn’t looking and he doesn’t come when called.
So I turn to look if he’s laying down sunning himself like he does and I see him floating in the pool. I screamed he’s in the pool and jumped in and put him on the side and start trying to do CPR because I don’t know how long he’s been in there, realize my little brother came out after me, and I scream for my dad because the dog’s not moving and what I’m doing isn’t working. My brother runs back in for mom and then three of us are there trying to bring him back and I’m still waist deep in the pool in demon shorts and socks and I can’t breathe because when did he fall in and why didn’t I hear him or see him I was RIGHT FUCKING THERE.
Then I realized my 15 year old brother is hugging me and telling me it’s not my fault while he’s crying because his dog is dead and I was hyperventilating and apologizing and repeating that I didn’t see him and then feel like extra shit because why the fuck does my baby brother need to comfort me and why am I making it about me right now. My mom had to tell my sister what happened, thank god she was upstairs with grandma when this happened.
We put him in a box with a blanket, my brother put his dog bed in it, and my sister gave him a treat so our uncle can give it to him when he gets to heaven. I think my dad took him to their vet’s office this morning so he can be cremated?
Realistically I know it’s not my fault. It’s an awful accident. My parents have told me it’s not my fault. My brother told me it’s not my fault. I stopped apologizing after my freak out. I just fell so awful. I was maybe 40 feet away and he was terrified and dying. I’m so, so, so sorry Big Meatball.

Edit: To be clear, my dad took out a parent plus loan so I could attend school.
I understand I have no legal obligation to pay these Parent Plus Loans since they're in my dad's name, but I'm not gonna leave them high and dry like that and he's retired anyway.
The loan provider told me once that the bank account paying for the loan MUST match my dad's name and for that reason I cannot make payments on his behalf. But once a few years back, I got someone at the company on the phone and she helped me set my account up so I could make payments anyway. Not sure why the system let me do that, possibly because my name is only 2 letters off from my dads. The point being, I've been making minimum payments on the Parent Plus Loan for him. I don't claim any of it on taxes because I have another student loan that helps me hit the maximum deduction on that anyway.
Here's where the problem comes in. Over the last years, the amount I pay (in total) doesn't go over how much I'm allowed to gift someone before tax comes into account. However, I recently got a decent raise and I want to start overpaying on that loan so I can get it paid off. This will likely go over the "gift" allowance you can give before tax comes in. But does that count as a "gift" if I'm paying it on his behalf? Should someone be claiming this on their tax returns?
It just doesn't make sense to me. I can't find anything online about it because everything relating to student loans is a mishmash of data. I don't know who to ask for solid advice on this, and I just want to pay the damn loans the right way since I've got the money to do so.

I don’t know if this context is needed but I tend to not really care about lots of social norms/rituals. If I were ever tested and diagnosed as being somewhere on the autism spectrum I don’t think a single person I’m close to would be surprised. I have not been tested/diagnosed so I can’t say it’s an excuse, but that’s just how my personality seems to be.
I (41M) don’t like funerals. I’m not squeamish or bothered by them I just personally don’t get the point and usually sit there very bored trying not to fidget/look bored. I get that some people need them for closure but I just don’t. I also don’t begrudge anyone for doing what they feel they need to I just don’t want to be part of it. That being said, I go to funerals of close family/friends but maybe not for my 2^nd cousin twice removed whom I’ve met once. My GF (42F) has recently had a few funerals she’s gone to and has expected me to attend with her. The first one required me to take off of work in the middle of a busy time and I told her I couldn’t. She convinced me to go with her and I told my boss I needed a few hours off (basically half a day because it was a late-morning thing) to attend the funeral. He was fine with it and asked how I knew the person. I said “it’s my GF’s cousin’s wife’s stepfather”…and saying it out loud just made me feel silly for taking off of work for something like that. For clarification, I have never met this person and my GF has never mentioned him in the 5 or so years we’ve been together. This is not someone either of us were close to but she felt obligated to go and, thus, I was also expected to feel obligated. A few weeks after that I agreed to go with her to another funeral of her coworker. There were literally 6 eulogies, several songs/poems, and an outright sermon making the church portion somewhere around 2-2.5 hours long. After that I’m kind of to the point where I’m going to tell her if she feels obligated to go then that’s fine but I shouldn’t then feel obligated also.
For just a bit more clarification (just in case): her grandfather died a few years ago and the thought of not going to that funeral never even crossed my mind. I knew it was someone important to her and she would probably like someone there with her for whatever she might have needed. If it’s anyone even remotely close there wouldn’t be a second thought on my part, just for the people neither of us know very well I really don't want to go. Also, we are not having a fight about this or anything, she hasn't tried to make me feel bad about the one I missed. I'm just trying to get an unbiased assessment of my feelings.
WIBTA for not going with my GF to funerals of people neither of us really know?

Edit: To be clear, my dad took out a parent plus loan so I could attend school.
I understand I have no legal obligation to pay these Parent Plus Loans since they're in my dad's name, but I'm not gonna leave them high and dry like that and he's retired anyway.
The loan provider told me once that the bank account paying for the loan MUST match my dad's name and for that reason I cannot make payments on his behalf. But once a few years back, I got someone at the company on the phone and she helped me set my account up so I could make payments anyway. Not sure why the system let me do that, possibly because my name is only 2 letters off from my dads. The point being, I've been making minimum payments on the Parent Plus Loan for him. I don't claim any of it on taxes because I have another student loan that helps me hit the maximum deduction on that anyway.
Here's where the problem comes in. Over the last years, the amount I pay (in total) doesn't go over how much I'm allowed to gift someone before tax comes into account. However, I recently got a decent raise and I want to start overpaying on that loan so I can get it paid off. This will likely go over the "gift" allowance you can give before tax comes in. But does that count as a "gift" if I'm paying it on his behalf? Should someone be claiming this on their tax returns?
It just doesn't make sense to me. I can't find anything online about it because everything relating to student loans is a mishmash of data. I don't know who to ask for solid advice on this, and I just want to pay the damn loans the right way since I've got the money to do so.

I received an alert on 5/24/24 from 456 indicating that someone had signed a financing agreement. Upon checking my account, 2 iPhone 15's (1 purchased on my personal line and 1 purchased on a new line that was opened) and 3 Sync Up Trackers (3 new device lines opened) had been ordered through my account. I reached out to CSR to report the problem and a fraud report was taken. Upon speaking to the representative, I was able to pull the PDF documents for all transactions and EIP contract. I was assuming that my online login was hacked but saw that these transactions occurred at a TMO COR store that I have never visited before. Luckily the PDF includes the employee's name and ID# that completed the transaction.
I called the TMO store in question and spoke to the manager. She mentioned that the ID provided checked out on their AI system and that was how the person was able to make the changes on my account. I asked if there was any other security check put in place to confirm my account and she mentioned that the ID check was all they needed to verify.
Fast forward to 5/26/24, TMO fraud department calls me to verify if i knew someone with the same name but with a different birthday. I told them "No" and asked if this whole debacle was over mistaken identity. The representative said this might be a possibility but they are still investigating. I asked if there were any additional information that was collected by the store that matched up to my personal information to identify the account owner but they could not provide any additional details at the moment.
As of now, I am still waiting for an update from the fraud department, but base on the information provided so far, I am thinking that this may have been an inside job with one of the TMO store employee. If not, this is pure negligence on the store's process and procedure. I find it fishy that the store only verified the ID provided but did not ask for anything else from the person making changes to my account. To make matters worse, the birthdate did not even match up. Also, all taxes and fees for the devices were paid in cash.
I will update this post once I get more information. For now, I would advise everyone to check their account from time to time just to make sure no funny business is happening.
​

I 26F need advice on a situation with a guy. I will try to go to the main points here but this may be lengthy so I apologize in advance. I had a crush on this guy back in my senior year where we shared an English class together and both sat in the back. I’ll call the guy Q. Q & I are both introverted and barely exchanged many words to each other but we both sat in the very back of the class. He was always described as being cool, quiet, and funny to everyone that I heard from about him. Once I made Shrimp Alfredo for the class since the teacher gave up the opportunity to make something and since I overheard everyone else bringing desserts bc ‘no one’ ever brought dessert I brought what I know I’d enjoy & I wanted to be a chef at the time. Bc I was so quiet back then everyone was very impressed to find out I brought something that made me stand out since everyone actually brought a dessert and I was one of the few that brought a main meal. Q said it was really good and told me I should make it again sometime and I was on cloud 9 the rest of the day nothing could ruin my day there and will often think about that. I remember he was really good at slam poetry when we were in that unit and that he wanted to become a professional boxer back then when we had to go over what we wanted to do after HS and plan for the next steps. Once I had presented to the class my trip to Guatemala and included how one of my family members that passed used to be a known boxer being on the news and this was before I knew Q wanted to be a professional boxer but remembered he perked up when I spoke about it and showed the pictures of there gloves being on display at a museum. I didn’t think I’d ever see this guy again after HS and didn’t think about his much after that. Time passed by until one day at my community college I was working on a paper for my psych class on the mind of serial killers (my teacher loved it and I got an A for it) and had been working on this paper so much I stayed up the night before working on it. Bc I was so sleep deprive and my eyes started to hurt I took a break from my computer screen and stared at nothing in particular. Just a sea of students walking by but I didn’t focus on anything or anyone. When I felt ready to tackle the paper again I looked down RIGHT when someone was trying to approach me. I didn’t register who it was or that they were trying to approach me until after they had left and realized it was Q. when I finally looked up from realizing he was already down the hallway and I knew should have went after him but I didn’t and stayed put to finish the paper. Soon after that I found his Fb and tried to friend request him in hopes of connecting that way but never got a response. Even now it looks like he hasn’t used it after high school. After that I didn’t think much about it until he came back years later in 2021 when my mom hired his familys fencing company to work on our fence. For some background info his family has this car with their company logo that includes the national bird on Guatemala but I knew he was Mexican so I found it odd. I’m both Guatemalan and Mexican. I found out later his family used to live in an area in Mexico with the name of the bird in there. I didn’t know it was him at the time and was going to walk my dog when I saw the car and changed my mind and stayed in the house. All I knew was that a guy came to talk to my mom about the fence and he had a mask on since it was during Covid times. After some talking my mom came back to the living room where I was and said he mentioned knowing my mom was my mother since he would see us walking around the neighborhood. She told me he even panics a bit and said not in a creepy way. He just happens to see us in passing since he lived 3 doors down. She gave me his name and I doubted it was the same person bc how would he live so close and I never once saw him?? I told her the only person I knew with that name was from my English class senior yr who wanted to me a professional boxer. My mom went back to him and confirmed by asking him and it was Q. I know I should have talked to him but I was so caught off guard I just ran upstairs in a panic and watched from the window in pure shock it was him. I’ve regretted it ever since and tried to see if he’d be there the day his crew came to help fix the fence but he wasn’t. My mom gave him my number and I his incase since no one else would be in the house but me and if his team needed anything but neither of us ever sent anything to the other. I WISHED I had mustered up the courage to have talked to him that day but it just didn’t happen. 2 years went by and I was coming home from walking the dogs and the same car with their logo drove up to my driveway while I was having trouble remembering the code to the garage (I have a bad memory and forgot it that day) I was already embarrassed enough for taking longer than needed to get into my house but I do remember staring at the car, not seeing who was in it but knowing it could only be Q there. I wanted to approach him so much but felt wrong for doing so because at the time I was in a relationship with another guy. I was already thinking of breaking up with the guy for other reasons but that day solidified it for me. I was in the relationship for roughly 3 months but just seeing Q’s car there and wanting for something, anything to happen with them knowing full well I was still in a relationship just didn’t sit well with me. I knew my now ex would never know but I personally couldn’t disrespect him by talking to someone I know I’ve had a crush on for so long when they really weren’t a bad bf at all we just bad circumstances during the time. It gave me more of a reason to break up with him. I thought bc I still had these feelings for someone where I wanted something to still happen with someone I haven’t even talked to in so long over a guy that treated me better than most men have I needed to break it off so they could be with someone that felt the same for them as he had for me. We even broke up on good terms and have nothing bad to say about the other. I didn’t talk to Q that day since it didn’t feel right until after I broke up with my ex out of respect for them and instead turned around and finally got the code to the garage and Q sped off probably thinking that was me rejecting him. Now I’m 26 and since knowing he lives just 3 doors down from my family’s home that I grew up in I always without fail instantly look to see if he’s there when I visit. I now am doing my masters in another state but come home every so often since it’s not too far to visit the family and also in hopes of seeing him again. I’m currently on break before summer classes start up and had a lot of free time to think about all of these instances again. I didn’t think these feelings could possibly be mutual and that it was just me but now thinking back idk how I could be so stupid and not tried to have just talked to him. The last time I saw him I was driving back to my studio from home and right when I passed his house he was outside with his family and we had locked eyes as I drove passed. I was both in shock again to even have that moment occur but also didn’t know if approaching him in front of his family would be the best moment and kept driving. Now that it’s getting warmer I have been making a habit to take more walks around the neighborhood again and sit outside my porch in the hopes of seeing him again along with healthier reasons like not be on electronics. I did find his insta account a while back and tried friend requesting him off there since he looks older in his profile picture but again I never received anything back. In the profile picture he also has a girl with him that I’m assuming was or still is someone he’s romantically involved with. It doesn’t seem like he uses that account bc even though it’s private I’m able to see he only posted 3 pictures but I’m not entirely sure. I’ve liked Q for so long and my feelings for him never went away but fear that I messaged up so many times in the past already that now it’s too late. I don’t know if it’s worth trying to see if there’s remotely a chance with him or to just leave it be. If he’s with someone else I don’t want to to get in between them either. I still have his number but haven’t told anyone nor know if messaging him out of the blue is the best move either. I can see now that even if we haven’t talked much since HS he’s tried in his own way to reach out to me but maybe thinks I was never interested when that’s been far from it and won’t try from here. It’s fair considering how much time has passed I don’t blame him if he really moved on. I just keep wondering now the whole ‘what if’ and know we just have to actually TALK to each other to really know at least what we were thinking during the times these instances occurred but don’t know how to approach it or if I should even try now. The last I heard of him was over a month ago when he said hi to my mom when they passed each other driving. Him back home and my mom to Home Depot and of course I decided to stay home that day to focus on homework. To anyone that’s stayed long enough to read this through what are your thoughts on this and how best for me to appraoch him IF I should. I appreciate any feedback thank you!

At Fort Campbell, we have the Gander Memorial to honor those killed in the Gander crash in Newfoundland on 12 December, 1985. There is an annual memorial ceremony that hundreds of soldiers get put on detail for. I got put on it in 2020 and, I mean, I understood that it was important for me to stand by the tree honoring a fallen soldier and do my job right, so I did. Was not happy about being put on the detail, though. I was super far back from the main portion of the ceremony, and couldn't even make out TAPS, only the 21 gun salute. Snapped back and forth from parade rest and attention with my only cue being seeing the people hundreds of meters in front of me doing it. Family members and friends began arriving at trees far from me, but no one came to mine. Which was sad in a lot of ways but I guess I didn't think much of it at the time, not seeing the impact on loved ones first hand.
Got tasked for it again in 2021. Oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah, in my head I a complete shithead about the whole ordeal. I was about to get a cold, hard dose of reality though. I was tasked with holding the American flag, front and center. Don't fuck this up.
We get there and we have an extra soldier on detail, so they make up a position for me. I'm the honorary "wreath catcher" as it's a particularly windy day. Still front and center. People start streaming in to attend the ceremony. Our BDE CSM comes up to me, asks me what I'm doing, so I tell him. He cracks a smile. Tells me to get behind the chairs and visitors and if the wreath falls, to come up and fix it. I do as I'm told and I talk to some salty old bastards before the ceremony commences. They're all expressing a lot of gratitude, holding back tears, and I'm struggling to hold them back at this point as well.
The ceremony begins and it's...rough. Hearing the sniffles, seeing the tears, heads on spouses' shoulders, loved ones doing their best to comfort. It may sound kind of odd, but seeing the effect it had on the loved attending alongside the veterans had a tremendous impact on me. Seeing them console their husbands, wives, or just soldiers they knew was incredible and really gave me hope for humanity, cheesy as it sounds. Even if one of the soldiers' deaths didn't have a direct impact on them, they were there for those who it did affect intimately. TAPS was incredibly emotional, of course. I start thinking about how it would feel to lose all of my friends at my unit. They frontloaded guys with families when returning from the Sinai peninsula because Christmas was coming up. 248 dead soldiers and 8 crew members aboard that plane--gone in an instant. I start thinking about their families, how their brothers in arms must have felt upon hearing the news. The wreath never toppled.
We get back in the detail van after it's done and we're told we have another ceremony at the much smaller Gander Memorial in Hopkinsville. This time, we don't have an extra man on detail. I would be holding the American flag. Holy fucking shit, do NOT fuck this up.
Everything gets set up and is going fine, and we do a few practice rounds. The top of the flag hits a tree branch. Nothing devastating happens but I make note of how I need to slightly swing the flag when that branch is coming up. It may not seem like much, but doing that in a smooth and subtle manner was the most important thing I could ever imagine in that moment.
The ceremony is, as expected, very emotional again. Thankfully the branch didn't turn out to be an issue. When it ends, all of us on detail are standing there, out of the way, as people start to stream out. A guy in his late 50s or early 60s starts approaching us, with a somber smile on his face. Immediately after we all make eye contact, his face starts contorting. He tries to speak, but can only let out a meek thank you and a handshake as his eyes well up with tears. Our eyes follow suit and I'm just standing there, speechless. I don't even remember what I said, probably an emotional "Thank you" in return. Whatever it was, it was brief. I couldn't find the words. He wanders off and we all just stand there in silence.
I text my father, a veteran himself, and tell him about the day. He tells me he had a classmate die in that crash and tells me his name. I see it on the plaque and send him a picture of his name and my father, who admitted he wasn't particularly close to the guy, texts me a heartfelt message about how much it means that we honor the fallen. I received a Gander Memorial coin that day, and while I have other coins I am proud of, this one means more to me than all the others combined by a long shot.
I'm no longer active duty but this detail will always be something I cherish and hold near and dear to my heart.
RIP CPT Brian Douglas Haller, and every other soul who perished that day.

My friend (28M) organized a "War on Rocks" event this weekend, where we were supposed to paint rocks and engage in friendly battles using them. I initially agreed to attend, but on the day of the event, I had a long day at work and felt exhausted. When he called to confirm if I was coming, I told him I couldn't make it because I was too tired and just wanted to relax at home.
He seemed disappointed and reminded me how much effort he put into organizing the event. He even offered to pick me up, but I declined. He said it wouldn't be the same without me and that he was counting on my participation. I still refused, insisting I needed rest. He ended up hosting the event without me, and now he's upset with me for not keeping my word.
AITAH for prioritizing my fatigue over attending my friend's event, despite promising I would be there?

I’d like to update this thread to voice some concerns with this rule proposal!
In the four months since I’ve posted this, I believe we had one situation where a user received a negative and decided to post a negative in retaliation. A concern would be that allowing users to post negatives for pre-talk sales would incite this behavior more often. Do you believe this would be the case?
Also, we’ve had feedback verification for new accounts on this subreddit. I’ve recently found after manually asking for confirmation of trades I believe a few users were attempting to give feedback to their mains. Another concern would be that a user could have a great pre-sale talk with their main account and not exchange a card or money in an attempt to boost their feedback. What do you think about this scenario?
I would say while the above two concerns are rare and real, 99% of the community does not do this and are genuine, honest in their interactions selling cards. If you believe my concerns to be misplaced and may make arguments as how this rule change will make the community better. I am willing to change my stance on this matter and will try a trial period for a few months

for context ive been NC with my mother for 1.5 yrs. it is a long story but after lifetime of a relationship that didnt work for me, i gave her one final chance and asked if she loved me because i couldnt trust her. i was pregnant and was trying to determine if it was safe to tell her, as she had been giving my information to my NC father, who was extremely abusive. she also refused to check on me at all for 8 months after i went NC with him and she knew it was very painful for me. she just didnt care. well when i asked if she loved me and i said i couldnt trust her, she went on a rampage and essentially said fuck you for asking and said some really hurtful things plus a lot of blame. i determined i was done, dropped the rope, had my baby in peace. life is amazing and i dont miss her at all.
neither of my parents know my sons exists and they will never meet him. they are too dangerous and abusive. i'm 100% committed to keeping him safe.
last weekend my brother got married and it was out of state, i was unable to travel with my infant son. my brother supports my NC despite being still in contact w my parents. he was fine with me not attending the wedding. i saw pictures and my parents looked horrible and fat and bitter (my dad wore a tshirt and cargo shorts to a formal wedding, classy). i was so validated in my decision not to go. oh and then everyone got covid so double sure it was the right choice.
now i get this text from my mothers live in boyfriend, who catfished her for 8 yrs and she claims to be engaged to, but he is clear they are not engaged and will never get married. my relationship with my mother had a LOT of issues, and this guy was one of them. she'd bring him to my milestone events like graduation even when i asked her not to, because i only wanted my family there and back then this guy was super shady (i guess still is). anyway i have zero relationship with this guy. the text is eyeroll inducing. i'll be blocking him.
the lengths my mother will go to avoid accountability. she will not reach out to me at all, shes not even blocked! she texted my husband "do i need to pay for xyz subscription" (which i had never used. never asked for and didnt know she paid for). but NOTHING else. no "miss you guys" or "what is going on" or "why wont you talk to me". She's just a complete waste of air.
back to the text - if you missed my light and joy so much, maybe shouldnt have treated me like shit and also neglected me. maybe should have listened the 10,000 times i told you what was wrong in the relationship. maybe should have an ounce of introspection. maybe should reach out to me yourself and give a shit how i am, not send your deadbeat boyfriend to do it.
it's too late. I've been done for more than a year. I'll never go back. she used up all her chances .
they never never never ever change.