House plans amish

We have our first FET this Thursday. I'm going to clean my house tomorrow so that after the FET, I can relax in a clean home. I have my lucky socks ready, and we are planning on picking up French fries on the way home. I'm trying to stay as positive and stress free as I can.
Please send me all the baby dust and good vibes! And I wish all of you the best of luck in your journeys as well.

Hi, we are planning to buy a house and want to keep our monthly mortgage under a certain number. We are confused as to what would be a better option - to put more down payment or the buy down the rate. Assuming the rates will do down in the near future and we will refinance it.
Need help from someone experienced. Thanks

so i just started playing stardew valley and i am obsessed with it, i am on fall y2, i got my house upgraded with casks and everything, i got a deluxe barn and coop, some cows and goats, 2 pigs in a separate barn, i got just a few kegs, cheese presses, a nice structurated farm, the greenhouse is built and i am planning to fill it with ancient seeds and banana trees soon. my question is, as i am a pretty much beginner, what should i go for next? i want to make money, i want to make my parts of the farms automated in a way, what is the best way to make money? since i have some kegs and casks i was thinking of wine, i also got an oil maker so a trufle oil doesn't sound bad but i want more, i don't know how to explain. how should i continue my run with my farm? also almost all my skills are level 10, i got the katana sword, i unlocked skull caverns, and i am going with my pace with everything but it feels like i have to do much more still

So I decided to stay and comply, at least for a few days, until I can get money to leave. Last night I was given a list of things to do, some things reasonable, like keeping my room tidy, something's unreasonable, like mandatory daily showers (showering daily fucks up my skin and hair really badly so I shower every 2-3 days but I keep myself clean and they have never ever had a complaint about my hygiene, this has never in my life bern a problem). I tried to claim it is infantilizing, I tried to explain that I wanted to be treated like an adult, and they refused because they feel like, because my room was dirty, I don't respect them.
I then said that this conversation clearly isn't going anywhere and I think we need to request mediation from the SNJ. The HD leaned across the table to me and got very quiet. The way he was talking and the way he was acting was really threatening, and I just felt so scared. The HM was sitting back in her seat, arms crossed, speaking in a slightly incredulous tone, so much less threatening.
Verbatim, transcript from the recording I took "This is the list that you need to observe. The company, the organization that you have just mentioned has nothing to do with this house. They have nothing to do with you, they have nothing to do with us. They do not pay you, they are simply irrelevant. They have not even been here once. Ok? Everything we do, we have to agree together." HM: "you know they will they might do the same as to my friend they say oh you're bad we're bad you have two days to leave" HD: "They don't care. They don't care. This is not the problem. Ok? They are just employees, they want to spend as little time on it as possible." HM "You can, I mean you can, but be prepared to leave."
When I brought up other things, such as the fact the HD refused to leave my room when I asked him, he threatened to come back in as many times as necessary to fix it, and the fact I told him I was having a panic attack and he refused to leave were met with absolute denial. He refused to admit he said any of it, he tried to convince me that I was imagining it, he tried to tell me that I was being dramatic.
I was planning on sticking it out but I can't do this I don't feel safe. I have to wait until my family wakes up so I can call them for help because I don't know where to go right now, but we have a family friend who lives nearby so I'm praying she can help me. They want a response by tomorrow but I just want to go home.
I feel like I'm giving up, I had all these plans to travel and explore and enjoy Europe, this is my last chance before uni, and since I plan to be a teacher, probably my last chance for ages (haha low teacher salary joke). I feel like I always give up when things get too hard but I just can't keep living like this.
If the HD is home tomorrow, either I will call the police to help me, or hopefully I can call the family friend to help me until I can get flights.
I've definitely accidentally left some stuff out of this post, but I'm using this as a space to get everything out while I'm feeling the emotions so I can't convince myself it wasn't that bad later on - I can clarify stuff in the comments if anyone wants.
Thank you everyone for the words of support, I really appreciate it.

30F. I've been with my husband for 6 years and I swear to God, out of those 6 years I have had to back track and fix multiple things my husband has done because he refuses to do it correctly the first time. He insists on taking the "easy route", which is actually the hardest way to complete the task, and nearly always screws it up to a point of having to restart. Even if him and I have a drawn out, detailed, step by step instruction plan, he will still fuck it up somehow. Prior to this year, it was tolerable because the guy has plenty of redeeming qualities. But this year I'm being set off left and right because we have a baby and I'm honestly fed up with having to fix his mistakes on top of doing everything else (main home maker, default parent, plus I work from home).
We are renovating our home this year. We bought an old home (1883) and we have plugged away at it over the years since purchase but this year is when we truly had the money to do the complete reno and we had more time because I'm home with the baby anyhow. I am working BUT I make my own schedule and it's pretty lax. He wanted to do our bedroom, the babies nursery AND our other kids rooms all at the same time. He booked us a hotel for a week. He decided that he didn't want my help, claiming that he didn't want the baby anywhere near the fumes of paint or dust from anything. I was trapped at the hotel the entire time because we only took one vehicle and I was under the impression I'd be going back to the house with him, as we originally planned. I'm not even kidding, when I went home on day 7, pretty much nothing was done. He rugged the kids rooms and put on the first layer of primer on two of the bedroom walls and that was it. He also bought shelving for the kids rooms. Hung them up without doing the second layer of paint (so you can see the blue paint underneath the white) and mounted our daughters tv, which was never supposed to be mounted. Our boys tv was supposed to be mounted, because our daughter has a tv stand that we bought her for her birthday not even a month ago. The boys have asked him for the past 2 days to mount their TV like he was supposed to but now he's "too tired", and the boys tv remains on the floor (he doesn't want me mounting it because he has a special tool that he uses, that he won't let me touch because it's new and expensive).
Since being home I've also noticed everything else screwed up. There's paint boot prints all throughout our den and on our back deck because he stepped in paint and just walked throughout the house with it. He clearly also dumped a can of paint on our side porch and never cleaned that up (we had already refinished our side deck so now it's an eye sore). The rugs weren't put in properly so they are coming up on one side. There's now busted tile in our kitchen that is sharp (we didn't need to redo floors in kitchen but now we obviously have to since I've sliced my foot). He somehow tore the original rug in the living room up just enough for the nail strip to be visible and our son has punctured himself. There's more to do now than there was when he started. A project that would have taken him and I 3 days, took him 7 and it's not complete at all and everything he did is fucked up. I told him I wished he would have just let me do it and he immediately got defensive and said I couldn't have done a better job if I had and says "I did a good job considering I was by myself". I told him that he didn't do absolutely anything that we discussed and had planned well in advance and he immediately says "you're right, I did it the easier way. All the other shit we can do later when the baby is older." I then tell him that I swear he fucks shit up on purpose because he loves getting under my skin, where this is a repetitive, nonstop issue since we have been together. Now he's pissed at me for not appreciating his "best effort".

I 26F need advice on a situation with a guy. I will try to go to the main points here but this may be lengthy so I apologize in advance. I had a crush on this guy back in my senior year where we shared an English class together and both sat in the back. I’ll call the guy Q. Q & I are both introverted and barely exchanged many words to each other but we both sat in the very back of the class. He was always described as being cool, quiet, and funny to everyone that I heard from about him. Once I made Shrimp Alfredo for the class since the teacher gave up the opportunity to make something and since I overheard everyone else bringing desserts bc ‘no one’ ever brought dessert I brought what I know I’d enjoy & I wanted to be a chef at the time. Bc I was so quiet back then everyone was very impressed to find out I brought something that made me stand out since everyone actually brought a dessert and I was one of the few that brought a main meal. Q said it was really good and told me I should make it again sometime and I was on cloud 9 the rest of the day nothing could ruin my day there and will often think about that. I remember he was really good at slam poetry when we were in that unit and that he wanted to become a professional boxer back then when we had to go over what we wanted to do after HS and plan for the next steps. Once I had presented to the class my trip to Guatemala and included how one of my family members that passed used to be a known boxer being on the news and this was before I knew Q wanted to be a professional boxer but remembered he perked up when I spoke about it and showed the pictures of there gloves being on display at a museum. I didn’t think I’d ever see this guy again after HS and didn’t think about his much after that. Time passed by until one day at my community college I was working on a paper for my psych class on the mind of serial killers (my teacher loved it and I got an A for it) and had been working on this paper so much I stayed up the night before working on it. Bc I was so sleep deprive and my eyes started to hurt I took a break from my computer screen and stared at nothing in particular. Just a sea of students walking by but I didn’t focus on anything or anyone. When I felt ready to tackle the paper again I looked down RIGHT when someone was trying to approach me. I didn’t register who it was or that they were trying to approach me until after they had left and realized it was Q. when I finally looked up from realizing he was already down the hallway and I knew should have went after him but I didn’t and stayed put to finish the paper. Soon after that I found his Fb and tried to friend request him in hopes of connecting that way but never got a response. Even now it looks like he hasn’t used it after high school. After that I didn’t think much about it until he came back years later in 2021 when my mom hired his familys fencing company to work on our fence. For some background info his family has this car with their company logo that includes the national bird on Guatemala but I knew he was Mexican so I found it odd. I’m both Guatemalan and Mexican. I found out later his family used to live in an area in Mexico with the name of the bird in there. I didn’t know it was him at the time and was going to walk my dog when I saw the car and changed my mind and stayed in the house. All I knew was that a guy came to talk to my mom about the fence and he had a mask on since it was during Covid times. After some talking my mom came back to the living room where I was and said he mentioned knowing my mom was my mother since he would see us walking around the neighborhood. She told me he even panics a bit and said not in a creepy way. He just happens to see us in passing since he lived 3 doors down. She gave me his name and I doubted it was the same person bc how would he live so close and I never once saw him?? I told her the only person I knew with that name was from my English class senior yr who wanted to me a professional boxer. My mom went back to him and confirmed by asking him and it was Q. I know I should have talked to him but I was so caught off guard I just ran upstairs in a panic and watched from the window in pure shock it was him. I’ve regretted it ever since and tried to see if he’d be there the day his crew came to help fix the fence but he wasn’t. My mom gave him my number and I his incase since no one else would be in the house but me and if his team needed anything but neither of us ever sent anything to the other. I WISHED I had mustered up the courage to have talked to him that day but it just didn’t happen. 2 years went by and I was coming home from walking the dogs and the same car with their logo drove up to my driveway while I was having trouble remembering the code to the garage (I have a bad memory and forgot it that day) I was already embarrassed enough for taking longer than needed to get into my house but I do remember staring at the car, not seeing who was in it but knowing it could only be Q there. I wanted to approach him so much but felt wrong for doing so because at the time I was in a relationship with another guy. I was already thinking of breaking up with the guy for other reasons but that day solidified it for me. I was in the relationship for roughly 3 months but just seeing Q’s car there and wanting for something, anything to happen with them knowing full well I was still in a relationship just didn’t sit well with me. I knew my now ex would never know but I personally couldn’t disrespect him by talking to someone I know I’ve had a crush on for so long when they really weren’t a bad bf at all we just bad circumstances during the time. It gave me more of a reason to break up with him. I thought bc I still had these feelings for someone where I wanted something to still happen with someone I haven’t even talked to in so long over a guy that treated me better than most men have I needed to break it off so they could be with someone that felt the same for them as he had for me. We even broke up on good terms and have nothing bad to say about the other. I didn’t talk to Q that day since it didn’t feel right until after I broke up with my ex out of respect for them and instead turned around and finally got the code to the garage and Q sped off probably thinking that was me rejecting him. Now I’m 26 and since knowing he lives just 3 doors down from my family’s home that I grew up in I always without fail instantly look to see if he’s there when I visit. I now am doing my masters in another state but come home every so often since it’s not too far to visit the family and also in hopes of seeing him again. I’m currently on break before summer classes start up and had a lot of free time to think about all of these instances again. I didn’t think these feelings could possibly be mutual and that it was just me but now thinking back idk how I could be so stupid and not tried to have just talked to him. The last time I saw him I was driving back to my studio from home and right when I passed his house he was outside with his family and we had locked eyes as I drove passed. I was both in shock again to even have that moment occur but also didn’t know if approaching him in front of his family would be the best moment and kept driving. Now that it’s getting warmer I have been making a habit to take more walks around the neighborhood again and sit outside my porch in the hopes of seeing him again along with healthier reasons like not be on electronics. I did find his insta account a while back and tried friend requesting him off there since he looks older in his profile picture but again I never received anything back. In the profile picture he also has a girl with him that I’m assuming was or still is someone he’s romantically involved with. It doesn’t seem like he uses that account bc even though it’s private I’m able to see he only posted 3 pictures but I’m not entirely sure. I’ve liked Q for so long and my feelings for him never went away but fear that I messaged up so many times in the past already that now it’s too late. I don’t know if it’s worth trying to see if there’s remotely a chance with him or to just leave it be. If he’s with someone else I don’t want to to get in between them either. I still have his number but haven’t told anyone nor know if messaging him out of the blue is the best move either. I can see now that even if we haven’t talked much since HS he’s tried in his own way to reach out to me but maybe thinks I was never interested when that’s been far from it and won’t try from here. It’s fair considering how much time has passed I don’t blame him if he really moved on. I just keep wondering now the whole ‘what if’ and know we just have to actually TALK to each other to really know at least what we were thinking during the times these instances occurred but don’t know how to approach it or if I should even try now. The last I heard of him was over a month ago when he said hi to my mom when they passed each other driving. Him back home and my mom to Home Depot and of course I decided to stay home that day to focus on homework. To anyone that’s stayed long enough to read this through what are your thoughts on this and how best for me to appraoch him IF I should. I appreciate any feedback thank you!

Have been regularly squirrelling away spare dosh into Kraken to buy small amounts of BTC, and it's been easy.
Potentially considering a larger purchase (1/2 BTC or more), but have read so many horror stories on here of this wallet key being lost, or some other transfer into/out of a wallet not going through, that I am really ill at the thought of going down the route of having an external wallet and potentially losing access due to some stupid mistake.
So, question is, for this amount of money, is it okay to stick with Kraken?
Would intend to leave it there and forget about it for 5 years. Plan is to move house, then, and hopefully realise some gains, to make it a nice house! 😊

After a 5 week holiday, found out that I’m (26 F) 7 weeks pregnant. I never really questioned why I didn’t have my period as I am usually irregular and can have cycles up to 50 days. Told these to my GP prior and they suspected PCOS but was never diagnosed it officially.
Now, me and my partner (26M) are not ready. He thinks we are and wants to keep the baby whereas I am more realistic. We have no savings as we have been travelling here and there before we settle down fully. Living with family, not married or engaged. We planned to do all of these things when we’re 29/30.
If we were to terminate the pregnancy, I would have to do it on my own and hide it from my partner as he is really keen to have a child. I feel like that is such a shitty thing to do to him and would be lying to him and would have to take this to my grave. However, this will definitely give us time to be more financially and emotionally prepared.
If we were to have the baby, we can make it but we will be living paycheck to paycheck as opposed to saving money for a house. We won’t have much of family support as we’re not married and all and will have to move out hence paycheck to paycheck living. However, the baby will definitely motivate him to work harder (at the moment I earn more than him).
Can I hear from people who thought they can’t make it but managed to do so?

Narrator: It was an early September morning. The sun was starting to rise, and the townsfolk were starting to wake up and do their usual routines. One of these townsfolk just happened to be a police officer. They were called into the station, and came as soon as they could. They stepped out of their parked car and walked over to the entrance. Before they entered, they would quickly fix their hat and tie.
Once inside, they would pass the lobby and go to the counte reception area. On the other side, stood a deputy with black, short hair and black eyes. They wore a blue button up with a police vest, blue jeans, and black shoes. A walkie talkie was attached to their vest. This deputy’s name was Jack. When he saw the police officer before him, he smiled.
Jack: Hello Sofia. Glad you could come.” (Happily)
Sofia: “Of course. From what I could tell by John’s tone during the call, it’s something very important.”
Narrator: The officer’s name was Sofia Asturias. Sometimes, she was called, officer Asturias. She had black eyes and medium blonde deep red hair. She wore a blue collared uniform, a cap with a black rim and a badge in the center of it. A black tie, pants, and shoes. She carried a glock firearm, a taser, a radio, and handcuffs at all times. She has been a part of the force for some time now.
Jack’s demeanor changed when he heard what Sofia had inferred.
Jack: It is, Sofia. Let me take you to the evidence room where John is currently. He’ll explain more about what’s happened. (urgently)
Narrator: Sofia nodded and entered the reception area. Together, she and Jack went over to the evidence room. Jack softly knocked on the door, and heard
John: Come in (lost in thought)
Narrator: Jack opened the door and entered with Sofia.
Jack: Officer Asturias is here, John. (presenting)
Narrator: John turned around to face the two. He had brown curly hair and a mustache, his eyes were black. He wore a black shirt and dark blue jacket. A black belt for his brown jeans, and had on black shoes. He currently has a cigar in his mouth. He took it out to talk.
John: Officer Asturias, I know that we just recently talked on the phone, before you came. Though now that you’re here, I’ll be giving you the bigger picture. (serious) Sofia: I understand. What’s the bigger picture then? (curiously)
Narrator: John motioned her to come to his side, before he pointed to a picture on the investigation thread they were producing.
John: Last night, a mutilated body was found in an alleyway. One of the victim’s arms and legs were missing. They also had a stab wound on their back. (Explanatory) Right now, we don’t have any leads, whoever did this left no trace. (frustrated)
Narrator: Sofia looked at the gruesome picture, and listened to what the sheriff had to say. Focusing on the important details.
Sofia: This is the first case of mutilation, correct? (Questioningly)
John: Correct (confirming)
Sofia: How can I help with the case? So we can make sure that this doesn’t happen again. (interested)
John: For now, be vigilant. Especially on your night shift. Hopefully we can gather more clues in the time being before this perpetrator strikes again. (Serious and urgent, with a sense of caution and concern.)
Sofia: Alright, I’ll make sure that nothing slips by me, specifically anything suspicious. I’ll leave you and Jack to it then. (cooperative)
Narrator: Sofia would turn around and leave John, and was facing Jack.
Sofia: I’ll see you later.
Jack: See you, Sofia (friendly)
Narrator: Sofia would exit the evidence room, after giving Jack a smile back, after he gave a smile to her. She left the way she came and entered her police cruiser. She was lost in thought for a bit. She needed to ensure this didn’t spiral out of control. She had a family to think of. A whole town she needed to ensure stayed safe. She now had a clear objective, as she left the parking lot and onto the streets.
It was still morning. In one of the houses of the town, the Rosendale family dweled. Sofia knew them well, because they were her family. Her niece was Evelyn Rosendale, a female teenager. She had green eyes and black hair. She wore a high neck lantern sleeve sweater, flap cargo pants and wedge boots. She was the youngest, two years younger than her older brother. Sofia’s nephew was Toby Rosendale, a young adult male. He had hazel eyes, and rich auburn hair. He wore a plaid drawstring hooded shirt, navy blue jeans, and blue sneakers. Sofia’s brother in law and the father of both Evelyn and Toby, was Andrew Rosendale. He had brown eyes and brown sable hair. He wore a plain color lapel part zipper shirt, with pants and shoes.
At the moment in the household, Evelyn was getting ready for school, while Toby was getting ready to head to his college classes. Their dad was cooking breakfast for them.
Toby: Sis, hurry up. You still have to eat breakfast before going to school! (calling out)
Eveyln: Speak for yourself, you have to eat breakfast too. I’m not the only one at risk of coming late to school! (calling back)
Andrew: Breakfast is ready! (announce)
Narrator: Soon the two siblings raced down the stairs and to the dining room. Where their dad had placed the two plates full of food on the table.
Evelyn: Looks delicious, dad. Thanks. (grateful)
Toby: Thanks, dad. (grateful)
Andrew: Of course. (happily) Now eat up, I don’t want any of you to be late for your classes. (sternly)
Both: Yes dad (in acknowledgement)
Narrator: After the two were done, they stood up with their plates and utensils and placed the items in the sink. Before grabbing their bags.
Toby: Bye dad. (in a rush)
Andrew: Bye son (warmly)
Narrator: Evelyn hadn’t left yet. She wanted to tell her dad where she planned to go after school. She came up to him.
Evelyn: Hey dad? Would it be ok, if after school, I went to the candy club? I just want to get some candy. (Polite and slightly tentative)
Narrator: Andrew thought for a moment. He saw no harm in Evelyn doing so.
Andrew: Yes, you can go. As long as you have the money buy some candy and don’t come late. (granting permission)
Evelyn: I do and I won’t. See you. (happily)
Narrator: Evelyn left with a smile on her face, she was on her way to school. Andrew would clean up the plates and utensils and get himself ready for work. He put on his suit, ready for another day at the bank.
Script 3:
Narrator: It was late afternoon, close to evening. Evelyn had left school and was on her way to the candy club. She had her backpack on her. One of the arm straps was on her shoulder. At the entrance of the store, there were giant lollipop displays, a display of donuts, and cookie bars. A glowing sign above in pink with white letters, that read: -Candy Club-
Evelyn smiled and walked in. The store was filled with candy and sweet treats. The aroma was one of sugar and baked goods. The music was soft, yet cheerful. Behind the counter, was a young man with black hair. He wore a white button-up shirt with a single pink stripe on both sleeves, a pink bowtie that resembles a taffy wrapper with a white swirl on it, a white employee cap, light blue pants, and black shoes. His name was Kevin.
He saw her walk in and greeted her with a friendly smile.
Kevin: Hey Evelyn. Nice to see you again. (Friendly)
Evelyn: Hi Kevin. Yeah, it's been a while. How are you? (Friendly and warm)
Kevin: I'm doing well. As well as I can anyway with this job. You know how some kids are. (Slightly resigned, with a hint of humor)
Evelyn: Mhm. That's good to hear, and just think of it this way. You're bringing delight to everyone with these sweets. Even though you don't make them, people still have to buy it from you. (Encouraging)
Kevin: True. Though sometimes dealing with certain customers can be a pain. (conversational and mildly frustrated.)
Evelyn: I can sort of relate. I worked in retail last summer. There were so many times where I just wished to disappear or just tell the customers off. (Empathic and reflective)
Kevin: (chuckled) I can definitely imagine what you might've told those customers if you had the chance. (lighthearted and slightly teasing.)
Evelyn: (laughed softly) Yeah, I would've left them stunned. Anyway, I'm going to see what candy I'll get. (Confident, then casual)
Kevin: May I give you a suggestion? (Politely)
Evelyn: What's your suggestion? (Intrigued)
Kevin: I suggest you get Zoots. They're sweet at first, but then turn sour quickly with some tiny pops. (Informative, and enthusiastic)
Narrator: Evelyn was shocked, but grinned. She playfully slapped one of his hands. Which was on the counter.
Evelyn: Kevin (shocked)
Kevin: (Laughed) Ow (playfully) Or you can get another candy. (Open-ended)
Evelyn: (gigled) I'll think about it.
Narrator: Kevin smiled, as he shook his hand after getting it off the counter. Evelyn would look around and would pick out the candy. She got a chocolate bar, a pack of bubblegum, a bag of gummy bears, and a small bag of Zoots. She placed them all on the counter.
Kevin: So you did pick out Zoots after all. (Smugly)
Narrator: Evelyn playful rolled her eyes, before taking out the cash to pay for the candy.
Evelyn: I did. I just had to, after hearing the description of the candy. Here you go. (Slightly playful)
Narrator: Kevin took the money and placed it in the cash register.
Kevin: I know you'll enjoy them. Would you like a bag for the candies? Or are you going to place them in your backpack? (Considerate and curious)
Evelyn: I'll place them in my backpack. Thanks. (Appreciative)
Narrator: Evelyn would grab the candy she bought and place them all in her backpack. Once her backpack was zipped up, she put it on her back again.
Evelyn: I gotta go now. It was nice talking to you Kevin. Thanks for the candy. (Friendly and appreciative, with a casual undertone)
Kevin: It was nice talking to you too. You're welcome, hope to see you soon. (Friendly/warm, with a hint of anticipation)
Narrator: After they exchanged goodbyes. Evelyn walked out of the store with her candy. Now heading straight home.
What the police would find the next morning, would be another body.
Bob/Devil: (Evil laughter) echo sound effect

A little bit of a story, me and my bf bought a house but not under my name but his. Our plan was to use him for buying the house with his first time home buyer down payment program. And when it’s mine turn I can use the program as well.
Lived home for 4 years, now looking to move. Now my question is, can he co sign we me and we both can get a pre approval and I get that down payment assistance or is it just me that gets the pre approval and he just in the title with me? I’m only pre approved for 300,000 but a friend of mine is planning to sell his home next year for 330,000. I mean can I use the down payment money for the house we sold as extra down payment? I hope I’m not overthinking it. I was hoping we (bf and I) both can be on the loan and buy the home but I won’t get the down payment assistance.

i (15f) was out with my friend ( we’ll call her ‘L’). so me and L went to meet my other friend and i realised ‘ i need to talk to my dad and see if he will come to my birthday party ‘ so me and L went to his house and i started the conversation of with “i want to rent this place out for the night for my birthday and i would really like you to come.” (little back story he isn’t with my mum anymore due to a divorce and he now hates her side of the family) when i told him i would like him to come, he replied with “ no because i haven’t seen your mum in years and i would like to keep it that way” he also proceeds to call my mums side of the family alcoholics and that when they have a drink they start shit (which isn’t true). i then say “can you please not be petty about it because your a grown man, its a simple yes or no question” he says he will think about it. but for my whole 15 years of being his daughter he has always made excuses up not to see me and he always has things “planned”. so i know for sure that it will be a no. so I’m not having my birthday party anymore. thanks a lot dad.

Me and my partner have been together for 5 years . We got together at 18 which is rather young . We are now waning to move on to the next stage which is marriage . The biggest problem is me and this women just don’t mesh the way we should especially considering I’ve been with her son for so long . If I’m being completely honest I do avoid seeing her as it’s very awkward to be around her alone. Even when I do go to her house she makes no effort to converse with me or get to know me in any way and I refuse to force something that isn’t there . His siblings have spoke to me about this and have said I should go over more and I should make more of an effort but how can I , when I feel so uncomfortable. I should also note she does not speak English well and even though I am Spanish , my Spanish isn’t the best however I understand 90% and can get by so there isn’t so much of a language barrier . I also have to mention that in the 5 years I have definitely gained a lot of weight , around 30 pounds . I have lost all my self esteem , my confidence and I have become a complete different person and I have only myself to blame for poor lifestyle choices but it does affect me . I am trying to loose weight currently with lifestyle changes . This has been the most peaceful relationship I’ve ever had , there has been no drama , no breakups , no fights . He’s a very calm person so whenever there is a problem he’s always quick to find a solution . He tells me I’m beautiful everyday and he genuinely makes me feel so loved especially when I am not loving myself . My friends , family and even colleagues adore him and I could not be happier .
After not seeing her in a year . We had taken a trip to New York to celebrate my sister in law’s engagement . I really did not want to go as we all had to wear dresses and that is my worst nightmare ahaha but I sucked it up and went whilst wearing a corset and shapewear just to make myself feel as though I looked bit better (delusional, I know ) . She had planned a girls only meal with her friends , my mother in law and aunties . I did not know anyone there except my sister in law and one of her aunts. So I was a bit reserved and basically only spoke when I got spoken to . As I walk in I give her 2 kisses and say hi. We go to sit down and one of the aunties says “I didn’t even recognise you” . I assumed this was because my hair is now blonde and she met me as a brunette . My MIL butts in and goes “it’s because she has gained so much weight since we last saw her ” . “I met her when she was skinny” “you’ve gained too much weight , you don’t go to the gym” asking her sister “hasn’t she gained so much?” I could tell the aunt was also uncomfortable and she was just saying “I think it’s just the hair” . This is all happening In the middle of this restaurant and I really just had to sit there nodding whilst holding back tears , I couldn’t even look at anyone for help and even so it was all in Spanish which none of the friends even spoke . Now with tears streaming down my face I text my boyfriend to let him know what just happened and he’s just apologising on her behalf , asking if I’m okay . The food comes now and I am barely even eating as I don’t want to feel like even more of a pig . It isn’t even that she called me fat because I am very aware I am , it was the tone and the way she said it as If she was so disgusted . Aunties give unsolicited advice all the time I’m so used to it but it just hits different from someone that doesn’t even speak to you unless it’s to call you fat .
I don’t even know if anyone will read this much but anyways this isn’t the first time she’s made me cry . So it’s finally time to leave , we all headed back and I meet up with my partner . I’m really surprised that he’s almost excusing her behaviour in a way of saying “she does this to everyone, please don’t take it personal” “we’ve spoke to her so many times not to say things like that to people” and I just don’t feel satisfied with that . I’ve always felt as thought she didn’t like me and how can I not even it’s just negativity towards me . Her daughters fiancé is also a larger man and her daughters bestfriend is a larger women so it’s not unheard of for her to say things like this and she has said the same to both and it’s treated as if it’s a “quirk” and always dismissed as “she’s just like that” . I just don’t know what to do , I can’t force a relationship with this women especially when my partner and my parents get on really well . I am starting to dislike her more as time goes on . How am I supposed to have a relationship with her and be part of her family if this is only the beginning ?

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Going to make this as short and simple as possible.
First off, have no credit. Never owned a credit card.
Second off, planning on getting one in the future (soon) in order to build credit for a house loan etc.
Main issue: A little over a year ago moved out of a rental into another rental in a new town 2 hours away. Went to cancel the wifi bill and ask if they want their router back. Called them 3 to 4 time a particular week. No answer, nothing. I called their number, left messages etc. Never a response. So I just moved forward.
Now about a year later I’m getting (robot) calls that say I have an outstanding debt and it will eventually be sold off to a collection agency.
The current running total for the internet bill (I was trying to stop) is almost $800.
What do I do? Do I have to pay this now since they failed to contact me? I want to also ensure I’m okay when I get a credit card and potentially a house in the near future.
Thank you in advance, hoping this is the correct place to post this.

I'm tired boss.
My (36m) wife (33f) feels like I have a moody teenager around the house than a partner.
For the last few years, she has been unemployed. When she first got laid off she put a lot of energy into finding a job, which was great.
I work full time, so I wasn't worried about it. After a while though, she just full stop stopped caring about finding one. I'm doing well, but a loss of her salary was a big hit to our lifestyle we were used to.
So I compromised - I was super supportive for her to take a break from working. We agreed that if she stopped looking, she'd focus on mental health, physical health, and keeping up around the house. It was great for approximately 2 months... Then it just all went crashing down.
Because of the rising cost of everything, I picked up a part time job in the evenings.
I'd come home, and she would be on her computer or phone. On my days I wasn't working full+part time, I'd do chores and take care of things. Basically, I have been spending my free time doing what she told me she would do.
I'd ask her if she could do certain chores she'd say yes, but it would never get done if I wasn't doing chores at the same time. I asked if she could come up with chores she'd like to do. Nothing. I tried letting it sit. Sometimes weeks would go by, I'd do the chore, and she'd say, "I was just about to do that!" Or I'd just do it out of timelines. I'd even let a trash can pile up just to see how long it'd take before she'd do anything. She'd only take it out if it stunk, not if it was spilling out.
When my weekends come, and instead of relaxing, I'm doing more chores. Some of them I enjoy doing, like yard work. Mostly, it's just getting the house in order.
I've stared taking care of 100% of bills, taxes, or anything that is time sensitive because she won't do it. Many times, she'll do it and tell me that something is wrong. I ask her to try to resolve the issue, but she'll procrastinate them until it gets to the point where I end up having to solve them. Half the time, a single phone call will resolve the problem, but she does everything she can to avoid making one. I've tried over and over to not take over and finish something. She just won't do it. Her procrastinating has costed us thousands of dollars.
A while ago, we agreed she'd start looking for jobs again. But she said only after her cv was updated. It took her 3 month. No matter how many times I asked about it, she was "going to be done with it soon " Any time I walk in while she is "working on finding a job", she's just on her phone browsing social or YouTube.
She basically doesn't want to do anything other than be in her office. She has stopped taking interest in any activity that is outside the house.
She has 24 hours in a day and she spends most of it on her phone doing nothing that contributes to the house or our relationship. I basically feel like I'm taking care of a moody teen.
I plan all the dates. Even if I ask her to plan some she doesn't follow through. I book everything for trips because she literally would wait until the hour if I didn't step in. It's happened many times before, including an international trip. Basically the main thing she does is cook an occasional meal, a couple chores a week, and sits in her room.
Any conversation about this ends up with her crying and telling me how hard she has it mentally. I used to be comforting and caring, but now I'm just sick of the manipulation. Anytime I show emotion and ask for help, it's met with tears. I told her that I feel she is being selfish, and that I need a partner. I need someone to rely on. She bawled and promised to work harder to improve - we're almost 6 months from that conversation and it's only been worse.
On an okay day, she is irritable and grumpy. I can no longer tease and play with her - I basically only give her kisses and hugs. Her medication has basically taken away her libido, so sex went away a long time ago. I have never cared about the amount of sex, but with it all stacking up, it's bothering me more than it used to.
The hard thing is, I see her with friends and she seems so much happier and normal. She's laughing and making jokes. I've tried talking to her about if she's unhappy with me and she swears she isn't.
She refuses to tell me anything about what's going on mentally because she "doesn't want to burden me." I'm like dude, I am here to help! I've tried so hard in so many nuanced ways that a reddit post can't encapsulate. She's told me she'll setup marriage counseling, but she hasn't. It's been months. Again, another thing I'll likely have to do if it will get done.
At this point I'm so tired. It didn't used to be this way, but it's beens going down hill so much faster lately I don't know what to do other than vent. Before anyone asks, she has several mental health diagnoses that affect mood, but I also do too. The thing that sucks is if I stop to take care of myself, it feels like everything else will crumble.

AITA for planning to move out as soon as I turn 18? (Update)
It had been brought to my attention that the way I formatted my last post was hard to understand, so this post will help summarize what I tried explaining in my first post. Also thank you so much for the supportive comments.

To start, as I said before, BM (My dad) and my bio-mother had me and my brother Ty (2 years younger) before divorcing when I was around 3 years old, I don’t remember the divorce, or why they divorced, but they've been separated as long as I can remember. 

Up until I was 6 or 7, my brother being around the age of 4, my mother and BM had split custody, me seeing my father on the weekends and staying with my mother during the weeks. During that time period my mom and BM handled me and my brother amicably, co-parenting well until TF (my step-mother) came into our lives.
When she came into my life it was hard for me to accept it, but I did get used to her being around, along with her son, my stepbrother who I referred to as H. He was a year younger than me, for I’m the oldest child in my family. However, as time progressed TF started showing signs of her strictness, yelling and screaming over new rules she decided to enforce that I was still getting used to. I was only around 9 at this time, so it's understandable that I was struggling to accept this new mother figure into my life. Over time I got used to the new rules, and started seeing TF as a second mom, making her gifts and drawing her pictures. That's how I would show affection as a kid, since she hated hugs and wouldn’t hug me or my brother.
When I turned 11, TF started talking badly about my mom, comparing her cooking to my moms, and other small things. She would tell me to tell my mom things she said, and vice versa, causing drama and unnecessary fights. BM would try to calm these fights down, but TF would tell him that I was the one twisting her words, and starting these fights on purpose. Throughout this time, I was seeing my mom less due to a switch in the days we’d see her. The screaming and yelling TF would direct at me caused me to develop severe anxiety toward loud noises, and arguments, which I still struggle with to this day.
Whilst the stress of TF turning BM against me was going on, my mom sadly picked up a bad drug habit due to my step-dad, who I'll refer to as DM. DM and my mom would fight all the time, and my mom would be sick for weeks stuck in bed due to her new addiction. At this time I was 12, and my mom had recently had my two baby brothers, and my little sister, ages newborn, 1, and 2. I felt bad for my mom, because at the time I just thought she was sick. I would do everything around the house, cleaning, cooking, changing my little siblings diapers and staying up at night with them, all while still going to school. I was so stressed that I was losing hair and graying early at the age of 12.
Then near the end of the year, when I was close to turning 13, my mom drove with me and my brother while under the influence and almost drove us off the highway, we were pulled over and my mom was taken from us. From that point on BM and TF had full custody over me and my brother, I was put in therapy, along with my brother, and it did help me at the time. Soon though, TF’s treatment started getting worse, calling me names, putting me on a diet despite me being a healthy weight, and turning BM against me. She would gaslight me into thinking I WAS the one in the wrong, but I know now I wasn’t.
At the age of 15, I started getting fed up with TF’s treatment, and attempted bringing it up to BM, he just ended up getting mad and blamed my mom for me thinking that way. At one point TF went through my diary, which was provided to me by my therapist. I had written something about her, but it wasn’t insults, it was simply me talking about how I felt depressed, and missed my mom, and wished TF was there for me more. She grounded me for a month and a half, (this is when punishments became having my door taken, not being allowed privacy, and not being able to have friends) throwing away my diary, and not allowing me to go to therapy anymore. I started to notice at this point that her treatment was directed toward me only, and not my brother Ty.
BM and TF started fighting more, getting into screaming matches and threatening to leave each other. TF would use me to change the direction of the argument off of her and onto me, bringing up a chore I might've missed or done wrong. I became her go to scapegoat, since I could ‘take it’. On this note, she had moved all of the household chores onto me, this included doing their laundry, my brother's laundry, (who were more than capable of doing their own) doing everyone's dishes, vacuuming the living rooms, all of our bedrooms, dusting, mopping etc.
TF would constantly complain about being stressed from all the cleaning SHE had to do, despite me doing all of it. She was also unemployed, so while I was in highschool, I had no social life outside of it. At the age of 16, I started getting fed up with the treatment, I was depressed and had severe anxiety, which they refused to treat me for. At this point my mom had been clean for 3 years, and was fighting to get custody of me and my brother. On November 31rst, I was told my mother had passed away in her sleep. I was and still am so broken from this, and I miss her so much. She was so close to getting me out of this house, out of this treatment, and yet just like that she was just gone.
I slept most of that week, struggled to focus and just overall was at a low point, understandably. TF would yell at me, telling me to get over it already, since it had been long enough for me to grieve. It had been less than a week. 2 weeks went by, and it was time for me to see my mothers body, and say goodbye. TF was yelling at me before me, my brother and BM left to go to the funeral, something about the way I was acting, (she would ground me over seeing me cry, because they were, and I quote, ‘crocodile tears’) we left, and I said goodbye to my mom. Nothing can explain the sadness I felt seeing her so stiff, and unalive. She was such a good person, and such a good mother, and she was always there for me when no one else was. On the way back home, TF called BM, which he put on speaker phone. TF began screaming at me, calling me useless, and all these other names. I just started sobbing, and shaking.
She was yelling at me over towels being folded incorrectly the night before my mothers funeral. I got home, and I went straight to my room. I considered ending it all that night, but convinced myself not too. That was the night I decided I’d move out as soon as I turned 18, I was tired of feeling used, and useless. So now I’m 17, and I'll be 18 in 9 months.
Some extra notable things that i didn't mention:
When I was 15 ½, BM and TF found out I was gay, and liked girls, I was grounded for this, and called all sorts of things, this was a time when my door was gone, I wasn’t allowed to have friends, and was forced to break up with my girlfriend, (which I didn’t do.)
When I was struggling with my mental health, and tried to tell BM, TF told me that I was an attention seeker for telling them about it, and that if I was truly so low in my life I would’ve ended myself already.
Last note, I am doing better mentally, I no longer feel like I shouldn’t be here, in fact I feel like pushing through and doing something with my life would show that they’re treatment toward me didn’t kill my dreams, my passions, and my creativity.
So I’ll ask, Am I the asshole? I don’t think so

My father-in-law crashed one of our cars last week and it’s in drivable condition but it really shouldn’t be driven until the bodywork is complete. I had planned to go to happy hour after work one day but my husband called me and said his work plans changed and he needed my car. I said something along the lines of “Oh man, that really sucks. I feel like I’m having to make constant sacrifices for your parents”. I said that because they moved in about two years ago and it was only supposed to be for six months out of the year but they decided to stay full-time and nobody bothered to even ask me how I feel about it. My husband is unwilling to discuss alternatives. After I complained about having to miss happy hour, he started screaming at me about how much of a pain in the ass I am and hung up the phone on me. I came home from work that day, did not go to happy hour, and let him use my car. We were invited to a barbecue at his cousin’s house yesterday but he told me that he didn’t want me to come because his cousin’s wife always causes drama with me and he didn’t want to deal with it. I stayed home on Memorial Day by myself… actually… I stayed home with his parents. He took his beat up card to the barbecue, which is far. Now today, he wants to use my car again. I asked him why his car is well enough to drive to his happy hour, but when I have happy hour, he needs my car. How is that fair? He started yelling at me to stop being miserable so I walked away. I don’t want to let him use my car. AITHA?

I’m replacing the toilets in my house. I’m planning on getting the Toto Drake but can’t decide if I should get the normal height or Universal height (taller). I have an infant and toddler. The toddler is still using a small potty and refuses to use toilets.
The case for the Universal height is that it’s more comfortable for the adults. Especially true for Grandma and Grandpa when they visit and sometimes stay overnight. It’s also probably better for when the kids grow up. In the mean time, I would probably put step stools (Squatty Potty?) in all of the washrooms. The Universal height seems to be more popular as they’re more readily available.
The case for the normal height is that it’s probably more comfortable for the kids. For how long, I’m not sure.
I am leaning toward the Universal height but worry that I’ll end up regretting it.
Anyone have taller toilets in their home? Are they an issue for the kids?

I signed purchase agremeent 2 weeks ago to buy a new build in a town near London Ontario with a reputable builder.
The facts are: - My purchase price was approximately 660,000 for a new build detached house on a corner lot. - We made a few upgrades on strutural things that are difficult or costly to do later but also make the smaller space feel bigger (additional bathroom, etc.) - Now we are expected to close in October, - I'm worried based on my recent search of sales and based on estimates on HouseSigma, Zolo, and that my hy house might appraise lower than comparables - Comparables sales are few but they are going for around 10-20k less. - However none of the comparables are corner lot. I feel silly for the upgrades but want to best prepare.
My questions are: 1) Does any appraisal factor in a corner lot and give it a higher value? 3) I put down 75k as a deposit and plan to use that as my deposit (its what I can save unfortunately) but I believe I can worst case put less down to atleast meet the, is that correct?

Hi all (and who knows/I hope dr K),
Prepare to read!! But if you don't want to, get the TLDR at the bottom; I am very uncommon with Reddit so forgive me any mistakes!
I've been strugglin' along in life for a while now (am 26 years old) and even though I've been doubling down on dr K's videos last 6 months or so, it's been 10 years I've been working very hard on myself (sometimes really really obsessively). As following is how great my life is going;
I just got hired for a new job (System Engineer in IT), got a good base (got a small but nice apartment with garden, money, stuff, a cute cat) and I am very healthy and strong (I put alot of time in my health) and maybe I got some on the lucky side with appearance thanks to my parents (no model but u know, just fine). + I've joined group therapy on 18 yrs old for one and a half year, been in cognitive therapy since my 21st and still going sometimes and have been reading about philosophy, psychology for years and thought alot about a mentality of 'overcoming' and practicing this alot too in for example Boxing. As more medicine for the mind I sometimes make poems, play guitar and sing or make raps (been a while tbh), meditate, work out more, have a healthy routine and habits, try to do enough new things and take risks (as in Love and also career or vacations alone etc).. I feel like I understand myself and my world alot better than before and that I could do something really cool with these insights.
To understand my question but honestly also because I am weirdly eager to share my story, here's a small part of my history; My parents got divorced at age 5 or 6 because my mother joined a sect (like Amish but modernized) and the church said she had to, against my fathers' wishes. It was a horrible divorce, where suddenly my dad was gone, they regularly got in screaming fights with my mom wishing him dead etc, slamming doors (my dad broke into the house at least once) arguing over the relationship and us, while we didn't really understood why and cried ofcourse. Later on when things sort of settled down I saw my dad weekend on weekend off and until shortly I told myself everything was fine from that time on; it would be too much to tell, but I am now sure (beside every period also has some good things ofc) I have been emotionally neglected, traumatically manipulated by my mom (examples: literally years later when I felt sad my dad was gone while looking at old pictures where she cut him out, she said things like it was the demon in my room making me feel that way and she literally commanded/screamed it back to hell, I was frightened to death and my little sister cried once; my mother also observed and controlled us sometimes obsessively checking our stuff in search of where the devil could hide & would throw it away, and manipulate choices, what is not allowed to do or even think.. everything) and I lived an extremely sad, depressing, insecure and self-blaming youth. If I'd understood what really was going on with my mom and my family, I probably would have killed myself. Lucky me I guess she forced me to become a bit better at lying, and so too to myself. Hahah you thought that was all didn't yah? Hell no, here comes part two; at 15 yrs old I got kicked out of (that side of) the family which meant losing my mother, my siblings I grew up with, my best friend cousin and a whole network of friends because I had to move to my father in another city too far away. I had to walk away from home (my mom) because I felt very unsafe apparently, I wasn't welcome anymore after that. She also didn't respond to my texts, or said I could come and then cancel, and send not even a message from the first birthday since on. Later on I tried again but she keeps putting expectations on me and plays with my love for her. haven't seen her for 6 years now I think. But I also left the one good thing; my mothers' beliefs. I am grateful for my father to take me in, but I think now he was too traumatized by the happenings' in his life that he wasn't able to really connect with me when I moved in, we never discussed emotional parts or had a good talk the first year or more. Maybe we had later on but still, he always felt distant from me, as today I am afraid. Like he is half a ghost; He lives, but always seems unaware of half of what happens.. doing his routine over and over. You can talk but he forgets. Never said he loved me or anything, just he living his life and I mine besides his. I know he loves me, but sad it is.
So you can see I've been through some shit and still leaving out alot because it would be too long to read. I want to get to the point myself as like;
I am feeling okay lately and really are keeping my balance, feeling overall good and livin' prosperous as I actually always do. The only thing I really long still is having a connection with people. I don't know if it's me, them, or both.. I moved alot so it was hard to remain friendships, but I also think I find it hard to make friends because I feel like a strange ducky; I fear my past has changed me so much that I understand depth that my peers do not. It could be arrogance, but it must at least have some truth in it. It takes alot of energy to be around new people and since a year I have become alot more solitary, because I don't want to drink really, use drugs or stay up at night. I live a peaceful life reading, working out, pursue a nice career and sum good meditation (and tea) sessions. And try to keep a few good friendships going, which are going very well. But I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years and now I feel like I am ready (a healthy one this time I promise), only the women around me I feel like they are not (ghosting, are most interested in themselves, looking for checking their grocerylist, communicate intensely vague). I've had quite some experience with women and don't struggle to get dates, but I really find it hard to find real connection/understanding. I got on a new datingapp where you go on date when you match without chatting, sounds great not? Only with the first 3 matches they postponed the date already 6 times, two doubles, mostly same day/few hours before. And with horrible reason and effort after really. I also find the girls I have approached in real life and dated seem occupied, and some of those things i just listed. Generally very cold women here in Holland, is my experience (but there are always exceptions on ones' rules ofcourse);
''Has this world changed its' moral value, or is it I?''
.. So I wonder; do I need to change myself, or my environment? Do I maybe have a lack of connection what makes me feel like I lack connection, or am I still missing something internally? Or both? And do I need to be more patient while feeling a little righteous lack-of?
If you want to ask, share or give your worldview of anything please do so! I am here to learn, not to know it better.
Huge propz to dr K, thanks for the ton of knowledge I already learned from you for free and thanks for this reddit page!
thanks for reading!
​
side question: It could be obvious but is my history a normal one? or is it a bit different from the usual? I wouldn't know really, I like to see myself as normal
​
TL;DR: Life is going great, Life wás hell & felt like sharing, question; is there a chance for real love?
​
​

Hi all (and who knows/I hope dr K),
Prepare to read!! But if you don't want to, get the TLDR at the bottom; I am very uncommon with Reddit so forgive me any mistakes!
I've been strugglin' along in life for a while now (am 26 years old) and even though I've been doubling down on dr K's videos last 6 months or so, it's been 10 years I've been working very hard on myself (sometimes really really obsessively). As following is how great my life is going;
I just got hired for a new job (System Engineer in IT), got a good base (got a small but nice apartment with garden, money, stuff, a cute cat) and I am very healthy and strong (I put alot of time in my health) and maybe I got some on the lucky side with appearance thanks to my parents (no model but u know, just fine). + I've joined group therapy on 18 yrs old for one and a half year, been in cognitive therapy since my 21st and still going sometimes and have been reading about philosophy, psychology for years and thought alot about a mentality of 'overcoming' and practicing this alot too in for example Boxing. As more medicine for the mind I sometimes make poems, play guitar and sing or make raps (been a while tbh), meditate, work out more, have a healthy routine and habits, try to do enough new things and take risks (as in Love and also career or vacations alone etc).. I feel like I understand myself and my world alot better than before and that I could do something really cool with these insights.
To understand my question but honestly also because I am weirdly eager to share my story, here's a small part of my history; My parents got divorced at age 5 or 6 because my mother joined a sect (like Amish but modernized) and the church said she had to, against my fathers' wishes. It was a horrible divorce, where suddenly my dad was gone, they regularly got in screaming fights with my mom wishing him dead etc, slamming doors (my dad broke into the house at least once) arguing over the relationship and us, while we didn't really understood why and cried ofcourse. Later on when things sort of settled down I saw my dad weekend on weekend off and until shortly I told myself everything was fine from that time on; it would be too much to tell, but I am now sure (beside every period also has some good things ofc) I have been emotionally neglected, traumatically manipulated by my mom (examples: literally years later when I felt sad my dad was gone while looking at old pictures where she cut him out, she said things like it was the demon in my room making me feel that way and she literally commanded/screamed it back to hell, I was frightened to death and my little sister cried once; my mother also observed and controlled us sometimes obsessively checking our stuff in search of where the devil could hide & would throw it away, and manipulate choices, what is not allowed to do or even think.. everything) and I lived an extremely sad, depressing, insecure and self-blaming youth. If I'd understood what really was going on with my mom and my family, I probably would have killed myself. Lucky me I guess she forced me to become a bit better at lying, and so too to myself. Hahah you thought that was all didn't yah? Hell no, here comes part two; at 15 yrs old I got kicked out of (that side of) the family which meant losing my mother, my siblings I grew up with, my best friend cousin and a whole network of friends because I had to move to my father in another city too far away. I had to walk away from home (my mom) because I felt very unsafe apparently, I wasn't welcome anymore after that. She also didn't respond to my texts, or said I could come and then cancel, and send not even a message from the first birthday since on. Later on I tried again but she keeps putting expectations on me and plays with my love for her. haven't seen her for 6 years now I think. But I also left the one good thing; my mothers' beliefs. I am grateful for my father to take me in, but I think now he was too traumatized by the happenings' in his life that he wasn't able to really connect with me when I moved in, we never discussed emotional parts or had a good talk the first year or more. Maybe we had later on but still, he always felt distant from me, as today I am afraid. Like he is half a ghost; He lives, but always seems unaware of half of what happens.. doing his routine over and over. You can talk but he forgets. Never said he loved me or anything, just he living his life and I mine besides his. I know he loves me, but sad it is.
So you can see I've been through some shit and still leaving out alot because it would be too long to read. I want to get to the point myself as like;
I am feeling okay lately and really are keeping my balance, feeling overall good and livin' prosperous as I actually always do. The only thing I really long still is having a connection with people. I don't know if it's me, them, or both.. I moved alot so it was hard to remain friendships, but I also think I find it hard to make friends because I feel like a strange ducky; I fear my past has changed me so much that I understand depth that my peers do not. It could be arrogance, but it must at least have some truth in it. It takes alot of energy to be around new people and since a year I have become alot more solitary, because I don't want to drink really, use drugs or stay up at night. I live a peaceful life reading, working out, pursue a nice career and sum good meditation (and tea) sessions. And try to keep a few good friendships going, which are going very well. But I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years and now I feel like I am ready (a healthy one this time I promise), only the women around me I feel like they are not (ghosting, are most interested in themselves, looking for checking their grocerylist, communicate intensely vague). I've had quite some experience with women and don't struggle to get dates, but I really find it hard to find real connection/understanding. I got on a new datingapp where you go on date when you match without chatting, sounds great not? Only with the first 3 matches they postponed the date already 6 times, two doubles, mostly same day/few hours before. And with horrible reason and effort after really. I also find the girls I have approached in real life and dated seem occupied, and some of those things i just listed. Generally very cold women here in Holland, is my experience (but there are always exceptions on ones' rules ofcourse);
''Has this world changed its' moral value, or is it I?''
.. So I wonder; do I need to change myself, or my environment? Do I maybe have a lack of connection what makes me feel like I lack connection, or am I still missing something internally? Or both? And do I need to be more patient while feeling a little righteous lack-of?
If you want to ask, share or give your worldview of anything please do so! I am here to learn, not to know it better.
Huge propz to dr K, thanks for the ton of knowledge I already learned from you for free and thanks for this reddit page!
thanks for reading!
​
side question: It could be obvious but is my history a normal one? or is it a bit different from the usual? I wouldn't know really, I like to see myself as normal
​
TL;DR: Life is going great, Life wás hell & felt like sharing, question; is there a chance for real love?
​
​