Hi, I am 20 and I am a college student who just recently got out of academic suspension. I am currently going for an Engineering degree because it leads to the most opportunities and highest pay. I like the idea of working on Technology and Machinery. I want to know how stuff like computers and robots works. One time, I even built my own gaming PC.
I'm currently taking classes at my local CC in hopes of getting transferred into university. The problem is I have failed even some of the basic general ed classes. I got a D in college algebra for the first time, and I had to retake it. Luckily, I have started working hard the second time around and got an A. Now, in my defense, I felt that the general ed classes were boring and unnecessary. I was also "gifted" when it came to math, and I did not really have to study for it until I College Algebra and now I must study for it. However, because I am behind in some credits. I still got 2 full years (4 12-credits semester) before transferring, so I could totally make an academic comeback.
Looking back, it would have been better just to take a gap year, but I got a scholarship that required me to start college right after high school and I have felt ready for college (I did not know any of the hardship I will have to endure). Now, I have ended up losing that scholarship and I got suspended for a semester. Luckily, things are looking up to me. I have talked to an advisor recently and we have made a plan. Things had gotten better and more stable. The hardship we have endured is over. I have enrolled in a summer class. Once I finish that class, I should start receiving financial aid for the upcoming fall semester and hopefully re-enroll as a full-time student.
My dream is to transfer to the University of Florida. I have heard it is easier to transfer into UF after already completing an AA degree at a CC and I would not have gotten in if I had applied right after high school. I do live in Florida, and I have heard it is easier for Florida residents to get in, but I am not going to Sante Fe College. I feel like I already ruined my chance by letting things get this bad. I do want to complete my AA degree and I do want to try to transfer into UF, but I am strongly considering a Plan B.
I'm also the creative type. I like making art and music. I like building and creating stuff. But I have heard people with these majors struggle financially after college. I am not trying to become rich, but I at least want to be well off after college and I came from a low-income family. I want a good salary after I graduate but I also want a good WLB, but it seems like I will have to pick one or the other.
Honestly, what should I do? Can you tell me without any biases what you genuinely think is best for my future? Should I keep pursuing my Engineering degree? If so, what kind of Engineering should I go for? Right now, I am just completing a general AA engineering degree, but I will have to eventually decide exactly what kind of engineering I want to do. If I should not do Engineering, then what should I change my major to? Should I even stay in college? If not, what should I do instead?

As a summer project I wanted to draw my own map of Faerun, specifically 3rd ed. I was planning on styling it after the main map released for the campaign setting, but I ended up hitting a snag: https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/forgottenrealms/images/b/b4/Dambrath.PNG/revision/latest?cb=20160209051017 That's the 3 ed campaign setting map, but I found this map also: https://realmshelps.net/faerun/dambrath/pix/dambrath.jpg The mountains and forests remain the same, but the second map has added features. Can anyone tell me a source for the second map? Why does it feature more rivers and locations, ex. The gate of the iron fangs, and the river leading into the forest of amtar. Also, why does the size of the hills change, while keeping the same basic style? I noticed that on the hethar peninsula some of the hills look so huge on the campaign setting map. Any help with this would be greatly appreciated!

I'm seeing a new physical therapist because mine moved too far away for me to see regularly (which was already difficult for me). The office only has two physical therapists, one that knows EDS well and one that doesn't know as much. My plan was to see the former, but the office had put me on the others schedule since the former is really busy. Well last week he worked on me and I was in pain all weekend. So I told the office today I'd like to switch if possible. They talked to him and he agreed but I heard him apologize to the other therapist about it and I feel so bad. I know he and I just weren't compatible, but I hate that I made him feel the need to apologize.

I’m in a strange situation that could really use the input of a LOT of senioveteran ESL teachers as I set foot into this career, but I’ll circle back to make that post and provide more context later.
I’m desperate for guidance on teaching a 40 Student Class (in China) Speaking and Pronunciation!
I need to Lesson Plan and I can’t seem to think of a good flow for the lesson, for activities!
The theme is Global Warming/Pollution, but what activities can I incorporate to get the entire class speaking?
How does one best correct or deliver feedback to this many students?
How do I balance and contrast classwide activities with other activities that can put the onus of learning on each individual student to maximize student participation?
Are there any other general suggestions? Or tips and tricks for LARGE class sizes?
I’m excited to see the creativity and the wisdom of my new colleagues in the field of ESL!
Thank you for your support! 💖

I can't do this anymore, and I need to get this out before I explode into bloody confetti. I don't know if my Mom's a narc but I don't think a diagnosis would help aside telling me I'm not crazy. And who knows, maybe I am. Maybe it is all me despite my constant fear of being the same.
I am an adult woman. I won't get into the finer details of why I'm back "home," but it was to support her during an illness. It's all about how to please her, it always has been, even my nephews are stuck in thst cycle of pleasing her because of "how hard done by" she is. And i definitely am not taking away from her struggles or strength. She also had a narc mom and married my overt alcoholic abusive father. Her strength of will to leave & I worshipped her for "rescuing" us afterwards, but this made me control every reaction and work around her. Even as a child.
Maybe I'm the shit one, and she's just damaged, but it's been 30 years of this, same repeat, negative posturing. Complaints . There is nothing good enough. Guilt trips. Emotional manipulation.
I'm now not sure if I'm just seeing all her actions and behaviours all as negative myself now, and it's GRATING me.
Every aspect of my life feels stymied. I don't have children I've never had the chance with her judgement (I was too terrified to tell her I was pregnant after major surgery and I was forced to terminate because of the surgery, she obviously needed to know - she is against it generally.. just mentions now "imagine if you'd been stuck with him") and having to look after my brothers kids because he's another dysfunctional selfish fuck. I had to quit my job last year because of how emotionally demanding she became because of issues with the street and because she kept being negative about my long hours. Or driving g after a 12-hour shift or how i wasn't home to see all the stuff happening so I wasn't as angry. I even bought her security cameras.
I can't date and find myself lying about social events, so I'm not questioned infinitely. Or a guilt trip on my WaY out because I haven't earned my way out. This is a reminder of what I hadn't done.
It's become confusing because there are moments when she shows she's not all these things, but I don't know if it's a game now. I have to note - I pay half the rent. I contribute to all the bills, and I drive her everywhere. Doctors appointments and every day a god damn grocery store trip. Dinner and sit down show time is even routine with her (and granted I did some of that too myself during a depression episode - giving her the idea that I'd be there in the evenings) I cooked dinner every night for her snd my nephews until I produced an eating disorder and I get passive aggressive comments about that again - "I've had to think of meals the last 40YEARS FOR YOU ALL!" Erhhh.. not so. She also OBSERVES me & "guides" (you know those "helpful suggestions" like you're a mildly retarded 12yr old still).
The other day she wouldn't stop at me about something I didn't do and even after an apology and an explanation she still went on about it. It's the first time I've gotten so fundamentally frustrated that I got angry with her telling her I wasn't 15 anymore.. She proceeded to demand I clean my room.
I'm 35.
Now, in the last week or so since- she hasn't been bothersome about me going put, and I've been pushing it and going put every second night.. maybe as some form of unearned teenage rebellion I didn't get & she's been fine. No over calling. No moody judgement when I get back. (Literslly last week I had an appointment at 3pm and went to visit my nephews after eithout telling her, it was 6.34pm and she called me wondering where I was but "not because I need to know where you are just that you're ok" it was 3 and half hours.. some.of that was appointment time.) However, I now know that she remembers and wrote.. the passive aggression or commentary afterwards.
She undermined my ed clinic, saying, "I dont know what recovery you're going n to get from a woman who looks like she has an eating disorder herself,f" and ever since. The negative comments about the time and the distance and whether they're helping came in thick and fast.
We have this trip I'm meant to take her on, and she keeps delaying the dates. First may, so I can't plan anything, then June, then start of July now end of July and again I chose to assert myself and told her that we needed to lock in this trip because I'dike to plan my life too. And she went, "What exactly do YOU want to plan with YOUR life?" (she is bitter because she thinks she hasn't had a life).
I said I didn't want to be here anymore - I don't want to live in this city anymore. She got dark. The discussion ended and flights were looked at but one way (she keep saying "oh you might want to get a little job and just work there in a cafe" and I might of before but now.. fuck no.)
Then she added that we should see my sister beforehand. And oh, if we still past august & past my birthday blah blah blah..
Now I've taken my mother on multiple trips, all of which had a negative complaint or how she didn't get the best out of it. EVERY.GOD.DAMN.TRIP. UK, indo, Australia. Last trip she complained about my sisters hygiene and how she hated how people kept pestering her (Granted she did that to herself offering money to go away - but thats like their culture and how they make money.So she further demeaned Bali to me.)
Now to the thing that's making me think this is all bs - we were shopping, and I was buying groceries separately. I had a packet of lollies, I bought her coffee - however when we were at the checkout she paid for my lollies on her bill and I was like hey they're mine you don't have to pay for those! And she scanned them, and I said thank you for buying my lollies, and I'm paraphrasing slightly because my little brain beacon was like.. huh?! But basically she said "I'm buying them for you cause you're my little girl" in public.
Maybe I'm just reading too much into this now because I'm angry and resentful, and I'm seeing all the things she's done throughout my life & seeing all these as negatives. Things that we're brushed aside for being told to be grateful for the rescue. Being clothed and schooled.
Am I just losing it? Because I'm so close to it.
I have my own money too, the only reason I'm here is obligation responsibility and dedicated conditoning that you're meant to honour your mother and look after your fsmily.. I don't want to look like The ass for abandoning an aging woman in "need" But she was saying how I don't have a choice really - where would I go.. etc & That she's helping me by giving me accommodation etc. I don't see it like that at all.
She also constantly tells me that I don't have others to support me that no one of my friends has shown their worth, and she's the only one who truly ever makes sure I'm OK.
Another aspect is dating, and my choices of men have always been mocked or mentioned. Recently I met a guy, who has taken an interest but the connection as to how we know each other causes an issue with my mother - she has blatantly berated him, negatived every aspect -my and his age, his family, the mental issues he may have because of the family even though he's long been estranged. She also blatantly told me I don't want kids "they're parasites." they suck the life out of you.. all of that.
I don't know if I'm just crazy now. Am I just being a ridiculous daughter?

(I'm coming to realize I've posted here more than a healthy person should, but I'm not going to overthink that.)
TW for ED discussion.
I am a minor and an only child living with my parents. For most of my life, it hasn't been like this, until both of my parents started getting into a more health/fitness oriented lifestyle. We are genetically on the heavier side, and my weight doesn't change no matter how much I work out or diet, unless it is to seriously unhealthy levels.
My parents were seriously obese and unhealthy for a long time, and their fitness regime helped them a lot to become healthier, but now I'm beginning to worry they're taking it a bit too far— or, at least, not going about it in a very healthy and sustainable way. They go to the gym daily and powerlift, but their meals rarely contain any worthwhile amounts of fruit or vegetables, and the only supplements they take are protein. Then my dad wonders why he keeps getting debilitating gut and muscle cramps.
But that's not really the part I'm concerned with. Both of my parents have taken on to obsessively counting their calories, and they're also falling into the binge/restrict cycle. We ate out at a restaurant recently, and I heard my mom talking about how she's going to have to work harder and eat less the following days. I know how easy it can be to spiral into disordered eating habits from there, if they haven't already.
The worst part to me is how they try to push this lifestyle onto me, and I am someone who already has extreme body dysmorphia and often struggles with eating, and I have for a long time. Because my parents always make comments about the calories or carbs of the food I eat, I now have anxiety about eating or grabbing/preparing food in front of people, and even positive comments or genuine concerns can send me mentally over the edge. I was having a particularly depressed morning once and was planning to make a grilled cheese for a simple meal that wasn't something microwaved. While I was washing the dishes for it, I told my dad about what I was making, and he commented on the unhealthiness of the meal. Later, he sent me a drawn out message detailing the exact calories of it. I felt so sick I didn't end up eating that day.
Gradually, this pressure from them has made my own issues get worse, and I was almost unable to stop myself from downloading a calorie tracker app last night. I realized something was seriously wrong with me when I was out with my friends family at a buffet the other day; I was the last one at the table, and when I looked around, everyone had their plates loaded with food. Mine had a single piece of breaded fish and some potatoes. It took coaxing from them to get me to even go to the dessert bar, and I did eventually enjoy myself, but I felt unbelievably disgusting when I got home and didn't eat for the rest of the day, nor did I have breakfast the next.
It scares me how bad I could get if I wasn't aware of the unhealthiness of this behavior, and I'm already bad enough as is. I don't know what to do. It's getting harder for me to manage myself every day. I am still struggling with eating enough regularly, and now I feel distant and lightheaded all the time. I'm grateful for my friends and partner for helping me keep myself healthy, but I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this. The last time I tried telling my parents I was struggling with eating, they told me it wasn't a problem because I wasn't purging my food, and it made me feel so vile I almost started doing it because of that. My health is declining, I can't get a therapist, and I can't remember the last night I went to sleep without my stomach growling. I don't see my future looking very bright.

Hey Apes,
Big news in the GME saga! Roaring Kitty (DFV) is about to make a monumental move with his 120,000 GME call options. IMO here’s the plan, given his previous trades:

1. Exercise the Options: First up, he’s going to exercise part of these call options, turning them into a substantial number of GME shares. This alone could have a significant impact on the market. But here's the kicker: there might be a failure to deliver these shares on time due to the massive volume. The time pressure on brokers to meet this demand could create a huge squeeze.
   
2. Direct Registration System (DRS): After exercising the options, a portion of these shares will be DRS’d. For those who don’t know, DRS’ing shares transfers them directly to the shareholder’s name, reducing the available float and increasing individual ownership. This move could further strain the supply of available shares in the market.
   
3. Reinvesting in More Options: With part of his newfound GME shares, Roaring Kitty plans to buy more options from another broker, setting off another potential wave of activity. This continuous cycle of exercising options and buying more could create ongoing pressure and volatility.
   
4. Repeat Until Failure: This process of exercising options, DRS’ing shares, and buying more options will be repeated in a strategic cycle aimed at maximizing impact until it’s no longer viable. The repeated cycles could lead to brokers struggling to deliver shares in time, amplifying the squeeze.
   

The potential failure to deliver shares due to the sheer volume and rapid pace of these transactions could lead to a significant short squeeze. Brokers might face intense pressure to meet these demands, leading to price surges.
This strategy could lead to some serious price action and shake up the market dynamics once again. Keep your eyes on the ticker and your diamond hands strong. 🦍💎🚀
What are your thoughts on this strategy? Do you think this will trigger another big movement, or are we in for a different kind of ride? Let’s discuss!
P.S. Remember, this isn’t financial advice. Always do your own research and make decisions that are right for you.
To the moon! 🌕

GME #RoaringKitty #DFV #DiamondHands #HODL

👋 Welcome to the /ukpolitics General Election Campaign Megathread. Parliament has been dissolved, and Ed Davey is spending his mornings at Alton Towers. Oh! And there's an election on.
This is our new daily megathread for all of the day's news until the election. Polling day is on 4th July, and you need to make sure that you are registered to vote if you haven't already, and that you have a form of photo ID (passport, driving license, etc). If you don't have photo ID, you can apply for a voter authority certificate.
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This thread will automatically roll over into a new one at 06:00 GMT each morning.
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📅 Key dates

from the Electoral Commission, BBC, Sky, ITV

• 6th June, 8:30PM BST - 📺 ITV The Leader Interviews - Liberal Democrats (England) / Greens (Scotland) / Plaid Cymru (Wales)
• 7th June - Deadline for candidate nominations
• 7th June, 7:30PM BST - 📺 BBC seven-party debate (CON, LAB, LD, SNP, PC, GRN, REF)
• 12th June, 7PM BST - 📺 ITV The Leader Interviews - Rishi Sunak - Conservatives
• 13th June, 8:30PM BST - 📺 ITV multi-party debate (CON, LAB, LD, SNP, PC, GRN, REF)
• 18th June - Deadline for new voter registration (to be able to vote in this election).
• 19th June - Deadline for new postal vote applications (for this election).
• 20th June, 8PM BST - 📺 BBC Question Time Leaders' Special (CON, LAB, LD, SNP)
• 24th June, 7PM BST - 📺 ITV The Leader Interviews - Reform, Green (England/Wales) / SNP (Scotland)
• 26th June - Deadline for new proxy vote applications and voter authority certificates (for this election)
• 26th June, 9PM BST - 📺 BBC head-to-head debate (Sunak vs Starmer).
• 27th June, 8:30PM BST - 📺 ITV The Leader Interviews - Keir Starmer - Labour
• 4th July - Polling day. Emergency proxy votes deadline at 5pm. Polls will open at 7am and close at 10pm.

Manifestos

It's almost that time that the parties start putting out manifestos. Manifestos are essentially a set of documents which outline the policies that each party would want to implement if they were governing.

• 📘 Conservatives: Around 10th-12th June (source)
• 🌹 Labour: 13th June (source)
• 🔆 Liberal Democrats: w/c 10th June (source)
• 🎗️ SNP: TBC
• 🌼 Plaid Cymru: 13th June (source)
• 🌿 Green Party: 12th June (source)
• ➡️ Reform: TBC (view "pre-manifesto")

TL;dr: Failed to fulfill my goals (wasted potential), cheating during pandemic, fucked up my last hs years badly, feeling immense regret, shame, and suicidal thoughts + self-harm
I just graduated from shs under for stem. I’ve been studying online for more than 4 years ever since the pandemic started and before that I was a decent student naman for g7-8, consistent honor student naman. Despite this, I always felt that I wasn’t doing my best esp since I am very lazy and I suffer from chronic addiction to certain things (gaming, etc), never doing anything different bc of this plus my attention span is bad kasi so kahit i-decide ko naman na mag study i always fail to be consistent.
The pandemic really affected my learning – talagang natamad talaga ako mag-aral in general, esp since ako talaga yung taong need ng environment where monitored ng maayos yung class para makafocus and walang distractions. Kala ko pa naman yung na yung moment na maayos na ako mag-aral, advanced study, etc. I never thought that I would start cheating again as I did back in elem days. Talagang naguilty ako nung i cheated my first quiz lalo na sa science since ito naman yung best subject ko before pandemic w/o cheating pero wala my laziness got the best of me kasi. Kahit sinabi ko to myself na hindi ko na gagawin yun, guess what, hindi ko rin napigilan sarili ko hanggang sa pag g10 ko. Nag excel naman ako sa math kahit online g9-10 at the top without cheating. In other subjects nagreview naman ako pero sobrang complacent way lang at yung tipong skim lang bc natamad ako na basahin lahat ng info at instead i cheated by using google and ctrl f sa binigay na notes. Nakakuha nga ako ng higher averages but at the cost nga of compromising integrity by cheating through quizzes.
My biggest fuck-up talaga is not transferring for shs, pati not shifting to f2f setting. Sising sisi talaga ako bc I really considered this but i don’t fucking know why hindi man lang ako nagdecide na sabihin sa fam ko to help me in transferring. Siguro kasi mga siblings ko lagi nakahandle ng mga academic affairs ko like tuition so kaya binahala ko nalang sa kanila tapos siguro tinamad ako ng sobra at nag “bahala na sa buhay” mood nalang ako nung time na yun, hindi nag-iisip ng maayos. Sobrang rami na ngang distractions at pag deal ko ng addiction to a handful of things, tapos nag regress pa sistema ng school ko. Most of the time, hindi nagtuturo lessons and they left us na sa sariling diskarte namin to study everything on our own. It didn’t help na yung mga activities na inallocate sa mga lessons namin ay ginawang optional lang kaya sobrang na complacent ako and so mas natamad tuloy ako. On top of that pa, ang pangit pa ng loophole sa test na binigay, sobrang cheatable esp di kasi nila ginawang pang-isahan lng ito so kahit piling pilit ko talaga na aralin yung subjects for this, my laziness got the best of me.
I truly hate myself because I failed to control myself from cheating everything to get a high score even sa math na never ko naman chineat kahit nung online 9-10. Wala akong natutunan for shs and my love for learning and STEM died talaga so I decided to take a course for another track nalang bc I know na mag-istruggle ako in the future for stem since I fucked up and so I just decided to go to law. I can’t help but feel so much regret over not being able to control myself. Sabi ko pa naman sa sarili ko starting g11 aayusin ko na at I will start studying intensely and STOP cheating for g11 to redeem myself. I just hate the fact that I never did my best throughout hs kahit I always had plans to advance study, etc and the pandemic just worsened everything kahit akala ko mas masisipagan ako w/ online learning. Sabi ko talaga sa sarili ko before pa mag g11 na that was the year na magrereview na ako ng seryoso especially for college exams. Pero ayun, imbis na chagain ko yung pag-aaral ko, I just WASTED everything by mindlessly killing time over yung mga bagay na addicted ko. And sobrang naguguilty nga ako kasi kahit alam ko naman na hindi ko inayos yung pagreview ko sa entrance exam ng uni na inapplayan ko, nakapasa pa ako. Hindi ko talaga deserve yung acceptance ko from uni and I stole that spot from someone who truly deserves it. Ang dami kong time dati na magaral ng mabuti sana and finally do my best. I even decided once to search for other learning resources back in the month before g9 and make a goal na maka study in advance but alas – never ko nagawa kasi hindi ko na overcome kung katamaran ko.
Kung lumipat lang sana ako for shs pati na yung sa learning mode, mararanasan ko man lang sana yung mga need ko for optimal learning sa strand ko like labwork, extracurricular acitivites, etc. Siguro talagang mas mapipilitan ko sarili ko na mag-aral ng mabuti kung lumipat din ako ng learning mode tas school but wala eh, di ko alam kung bakit hindi ko man lang sineryoso ito and I fucked up talaga. So now I am about to plunge myself to a vocation (law) na kahit interesado naman ako, sobrang stressful naman tapos baka hindi ko palaga magustuhan yung lifestyle dito. Discouraged naman ako mag try for stem career kasi nagsisisi ako na I forged everything for my track.
Alam ko naman talaga, I genuinely deserve feeling bombarded by regret. Kasalanan ko naman na I studied dishonestly. Kasalanan ko naman na hindi ko sinipagan. Kasalanan ko talaga na hindi ko man lang nag decide na mag change schools for optimal learning. Tho the universe may have reprieved me of the punishment by at least allowing me to get into a good uni, I know that I will struggle pagdating ko. I’ll struggle making friends since my social life is dead since day one ( 4 years of online just worsened it), and i’ll also beat myself up as I encounter peers na magagaling and were able to reach their potential. Even if life may go on and maka attend pa ako for college, i’ll constantly be reminded of my fuck-ups and the fact that I was not able to achieve what my peers might’ve achieved. I can’t help but feel sorry sa past self ko for failing to achieve yung goals niya which is to be a genuinely great student na nagsisipag talaga and tapos i got in to uni pa wherein I know naman that I will struggle bc I barely learned shit sa shs. Hindi man lang ako nakasali sa clubs na gusto ko talaga dati pa. I just threw my life down the drain bc of some fucking stupid mistake.
Most days, I can’t get by the day without constantly throwing a fit, marching violently around my house, and beating myself up for fucking up so badly, costing me my future. I’ve been engaging in tons of self-harm, mulling over every regret in my life. Imbis na maforgive ko sarili ko and convince myself to brazen up and deal with the consequences, I can’t help but be angry talaga sa sarili ko and the fact that I put myself up for failure. I hate that sobrang tamad ako. I hate na mabilis ako ma-addict sa mga bagay and na hindi ko ma manage time ko with such things instead. Talagang minalas din sa pandemic since nalagay talaga ako sa learning environment where I got so prone to learning dishonesty, addiction, etc.
I honestly wouldn’t feel this way talaga kung siguro lumipat nlng ako for shs plus yung learning mode ko. Sobrang regret ko na nga na hindi ko nagawa best and honest work ko for jhs 9-10 tapos binaboy ko lang yung shs ko and I didn’t learn anything. Instead of doing anything, i just wasted my time sa internet and over my addictions. Ang rami ko na nga ding na hoard na mga info online sa mga documents ko pero di ko naman talaga magagamit.
Sobrang nawawala nga akong gana pumasok sa uni nga kasi wala nga akong na learn for shs and I just tainted the fck out of my morals and pupunta ako doon ng wala akong na experience man lang. Alam ko talaga na i don’t deserve to be there and feeling ko magfluflunk lang ako as a consequence for the shit I did. I don’t have social life, wala akong talent, even hobbies, tapos ito pa yung ginawa ko sa sarili ko. I only wasted my life over addiction to internet, gaming, and other things i am ashamed to admit. Hanggang ngayon nagrerely pa ako sa fam ko to handle my acad affairs pati yung mga tuition and yung mga ganyan. Siguro dahil dun natamad na ako mag transfer kasi sobrang na complacent tas bobo talaga hindi man lang nag-apply for transfer dahil sa sobrang tamad. Tapos hanggang ngayon sobrang cloistered ako sa room ko tas hindi man lang ako sanay mag commute to remote places mag aadult na ako ffs.
Ang rami ko talaga dating mga pinlanong gawin for myself. I told myself back in g7 that I will study vocab and writing, read books, study in advance, make some time for extracurriculars, start being diligent, etc. Pero ayun. I ended up just hoarding a bunch of words and links to read, never having studied or read them. I bought a lot of stuff to read and study online pero hindi ko rin naman nagawa kasi everytime I try to do it, natamad ako and I just wasted it on my addictions (browsing the internet, gaming, etc). I just wasted my potential tapos nalagay pa sa learning environment in the pandemic na I compromised my morals and di ko man lang inaral ng maayos yung material kahit I kept trying to tell myself na mag change and shit. Sana nalang talaga never nag ka pandemic so I never even got to the point of cheating out of laziness and struggles with distractions/addiction, tapos para hindi ako mag rely sa sibs ko with school affairs with them being around. Kung sana rin hindi nangyari to makaka
Kahit sinasabi naman ng iba to get over my mistakes and move on, hindi ko talaga maiwasan na ma feel ng immense regret sa mga ginawa ko and that I failed to reach my goals honestly. I can’t help but feel down in the dumps that this is where life brought me; that this is where I brought myself into. Even if I try to move on by trying to prepare for college na, hindi pa rin ako maka get over sa what if inayos ko na sarili ko dati pa tapos it’s so hard to not beat myself up over some dumb mistake. Hindi ko maiwasan na ma feel ang intense regret talaga for sabotaging my own life. Ang rami na ngang days na nag apply sana ako for other shs pero sa kabobohan and complacency ko, and ayun, ngayon ko lang narealize how bad I fucked up.
This has honestly been the last straw that I have with myself. Sa sobrang daming regrets ko sa buhay over things that I failed to do or not do, hindi ko man lang naisip how this mistake would cost me everything. Kung nakalipat sana tapos nag f2f mapipilitan sana na mag-aral ng maayos since mas supervised tapos walang chances to work dishonestly kaya mafoforce ko sana sarili ko to be diligent. Siguro talaga kung nagawa ko man ito at least matotone down yung mga iba ko pang regrets sa buhay since naprepare naman sense of agency ko w/ a good shs experience.
Lately I can’t help but feel suicidal thoughts for bringing myself into this situation through stupid mistakes. I can’t stop feeling so guilty over that shit that I did and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living with this type of past. Kung mababalik ko lang sana yung panahon at least hindi ko mafefeel itong nararamdaman ako. Sana sinipagan ko nalang studies ko. Sana nilabanan ko nalang yung laziness and addiction ko. Sana nagpatulong man lang ako with my struggles at sa process of transferring schools atleast. I also regret the fact na never kong na nurture sarili ko in other areas of my life. I never got to do my best academically, in honest ways. I never got to nurture my talents. I never got to make friends and acquaintances. Never ako sumali ng kahit anong bagay. Tapos ito pa ginawa ko to myself for the end of my hs years. Nagsisisi nga ako dahil lang sa stupid mistake na ito na buburden ko yung fam ko with what i’m doing and thinking na gawin sa sarili ko, as if they don’t have enough problems on their plate. And ayan, I graduated hs with good grades naman tho I know that fraud naman ako and I wholly forged my shs.
Honestly, i’m not asking for sympathy naman bc I know to myself that this is a result of my poor behavior, morals, lack of self-control, stupidity, and recklessness. Take this as a cautionary tale nalang to get your shit together, don’t ever cheat out of laziness, and na to really care about your future since ikaw din naman magsisisi in the end. Right now I’ve been trying to just move on and forgive myself pero ang hirap talaga knowing that I could’ve avoid this shit by just living honestly and thinking straight for my future. I’ve been wishing for death from natural causes talaga out of the shame and regret from what I did or failed to do. Di ko nga alam if talagang these thoughts would eventually get the best of me and makakadagdag pa sa problema ng iba kung anuman gawin ko to myself pero hindi ko na rin kasi matiis na mabuhay ng ako eh. Deep down, I probably don’t really want my story to end agad but still I can’t help but to just blame myself over sa mga ginawa ko and mas lalala din naman to pagdating sa uni bc i’ll be facing consequences that remind me of these regrets. Di ko talaga matanggap lahat ng mga nangyari sa akin at lahat ng ginawa ko o di ko ginawa and it fking sucks.

Update here about my previous post.
https://www.reddit.com/AsianParentStories/s/RWKE3p04od
I (27F) finally came clean to my family about not graduating. I continuously lied to them that I was graduating and that I applied to take the NCLEX this year.
I was originally planning on telling my parents both at the same time because I didn't want to get yelled at twice, but I waited too long and I had been telling them I was going to graduate tomorrow. I told my sister first and she told me I should have done it earlier. She said if I did it earlier, she could have helped me. I told her that I was not asking for her help, and that I told her because she had to know. She then told me that I have not learned how to take accountability for myself. I also told her I want to leave, but she said that they won't allow it, and I made it worse for myself because I lied. I agree with her, but she also told me that she agrees that I should be away from our APs for a bit and she's willing to let me live with them with rent. I declined because she lives far and I also don't want to live with her. I appreciate the offer though.
I told my AF after, and he had a milder reaction than I thought. I was afraid that I was going to cause him to have a heart attack. He said that life happens and that I should have told them sooner. He also told me I should have dropped out earlier if I hated it so much (which my sister also told me).
I finally told my AM afterwards and she was obviously furious. She had ordered a bouquet for me and a printed banner congratulating me. There was also a planned party next week. She was quiet at first, but after my AF steered mw away to my room, she got louder and started yelling. She kept asking why I lied after she asked me multiple times how I was doing. I know I did wrong for lying so much, so I answered honestly, that I was afraid of her. She didn't take ot as an answer and kept asking me why.
I am ashamed for lying for so long. It is true that I did get their hopes up, and I am in the wrong for lying. But I have never felt comfortable being honest to them because I always carry the guilt inside me of being born. Over the years in my life, everytime I do something to make her upset or disagree with me, she berates me that she made all these sacrifices to get us to where we are now. Every time she disagrees with someone, not just me, she becomes condescending and she talks in a way that makes her sound like she things you're stupid. She's a difficult person to open up to.
However, I have learned my lesson. I won't lie to them again, even if what I want to do is not what they like.
I've been thinking of moving out for so long, but I want to wait for things to cool down before I do. Unfortunately I have been making my partner wait for me to leave for so long, and I know every day I haven't done it yet hurts. But it's hard. It's not easy breaking away from family. I want to be an adult now and it means facing the consequences of my actions, including facing the aftermath of what I did. I really am sorry to my partner. I just hope he understands.

Building the ‘One Piece’ Live-Action TV Series: How Netflix Earned Eiichiro Oda’s Blessing to Turn a Manga Treasure Into Streaming Gold
The breakout popularity of “Stranger Things” and “Wednesday” was a boon for Netflix execs, but also a lesson — both forced a scramble to line up marketing and licensing deals after launch. If the streamer’s upcoming fantasy-adventure series “One Piece” similarly turns into a phenom — as the early hype indicates — this time they’ll be ready.
Of all the titles promoted out of Netflix’s June 17 Tudum fan event, “One Piece” — the live-action TV series adaptation of the bestselling manga — was the most talked about, outpacing everything else featured at the São Paulo affair four to one, according to Netflix. “One Piece” lead actor Iñaki Godoy has seen his Instagram following spike from 28,000 to 450,000 ahead of the show’s Aug. 31 premiere.
“I think we were all stunned, truly stunned,” Netflix head of U.S. and Canada scripted series Peter Friedlander told Variety. “We knew that there was a big fan base, but to watch those actors step out onstage, you could barely hear anything. They could barely get words out, and it was really an emotional experience just watching the actors.”
Based on Eiichiro Oda’s long-running manga and anime of the same name, “One Piece” has a built-in fan base eager to see mystically stretchy, aspiring pirate king Monkey D. Luffy (newcomer Godoy) and the Straw Hat Pirates — Nami (Emily Rudd), Sanji (Taz Skylar), Zoro (Mackenyu) and Usopp (Jacob Romero) — set sail on their ship, the Going Merry, this week on Netflix. The crew is in search of the world’s greatest treasure, the elusive “one piece,” with the marines on their heels each wave of the way.
“It’s heartening to see the early reaction just to what we’ve shown,” Friedlander said. “With the teaser and trailer we’ve put out, we were trying to show the fans we’re loving on this IP, we are loving on this show and we hope you see that. I feel very hopeful and confident going into this.”
As the launch approaches, Netflix’s marketing and PR teams have begun steering this ship, stoking fan interest with 10 events worldwide — including in Los Angeles, Paris, Jakarta and Tokyo — before its premiere. And the consumer products division is at the ready with a Zara “One Piece” clothing line set to debut later in September, after the show launches. On deck is even more merch at such outlets as Hot Topic, Bandai, Hot Toys, Mexico’s Liverpool and the U.K.’s HMV.
This kind of prep is unprecedented for a first-season show — and it signals Netflix’s faith in “One Piece’s” future. That’s in spite of its last attempt at adapting popular Japanese IP into a live-action series, the John Cho-led “Cowboy Bebop.” Years in the making, the sci-fi space Western was a flop, and was canceled less than a month after its November 2021 release.
“What we learned is the fans are expecting you to be true to the source material,” says executive producer Marty Adelstein, whose Tomorrow Studios produced “Cowboy Bebop” for Netflix before embarking on “One Piece.” “As we read the comments, it was always, ‘Well, they didn’t do this character the same as this and that.’ … It really taught us a lot of what we needed to do with this one.”
The backlash to “Cowboy Bebop” also served as a warning that an adaptation of the equally beloved “One Piece” would face just as many potential critics. But with Oda and “One Piece” manga publisher Shueisha producing the project, Tomorrow Studios and Netflix had the best team possible to keep the series true to its source material.
“It became everyone’s goal to make sure that when you looked at the show, you thought this was a live-action version of the manga that just felt like another feather in the legacy of Oda,” says Becky Clements, the president of Tomorrow Studios, which landed the rights to develop “One Piece” into a live-action series in partnership with Oda and publisher Shueisha in 2017. “That people just get to see it in another genre, but still have the same reaction and feelings toward the narrative.”
Netflix picked up the series in January 2020, just before the COVID-19 pandemic swept the world. It soon developed a “nakama” — a bonded team, as Luffy and his Straw Hats are described in “One Piece” — of U.S., Japanese and Korean Netflix executives devoted to the adaptation, according to Friedlander.
“We hadn’t done something like that before,” Friedlander says. “The logistics of that — late-night calls, early morning calls, emails — it just changes the recipe of how you would help support a show, and I think that really was a special element, a little bit of the secret sauce, because we wanted to have different perspectives on the fandom.”
“One Piece” co-showrunner Steven Maeda, who developed the series alongside Matt Owens, says the show, which was filmed in Cape Town, South Africa, and is Netflix’s largest-ever production in Africa, had “a healthy, healthy, healthy budget” and the stamp of approval from Oda throughout the entire process.
On Aug. 18, Netflix Japan’s YouTube account shared two videos that included quotes from “One Piece” production notes given by Oda to Netflix execs, in order to show fans just how involved Oda was and what he personally signed off on.
Oda’s note to Netflix:
To Netflix:
We need to consider the worst-case scenario.
I can’t say something is good when it isn’t.
This is very good, but we can do even better.
The fans trust me. So I can’t lie to them.
We actually found our real-life Luffy. I’m shocked.
I’m touched by the love of ONE PIECE sprinkled through out every frame.
From Eiichiro Oda
Netflix’s response to Oda:
To Eiichiro Oda:
A 1:1 re-enactment is impossible.
Live-action adaptation isn’t about replication. It’s expression.
We’re not at all satisfied yet, either.
We want to rewrite the history of live-action adaptations.
We have two goals. To not betray the fans. And to have the show be loved by those who don’t yet know ONE PIECE.
From Netflix
“Let’s make something great.”
With the utmost respect for Oda and his work top of mind for Owens and Maeda, Maeda says it was “tremendously challenging to make any kind of changes to such a beloved property.” But some changes still needed to be made.
“When Oda-san was writing the manga, there was no sense of an eight-episode television season — he writes in his own timetable, and his own structure for how he sees the storyline of the characters,” Maeda says. “That said, he did give me a very lovely section of the first 100 chapters of the ‘One Piece’ manga — and I won’t give any spoilers yet, but [the live-action ‘One Piece’] tries to craft the 100 chapters into eight episodes of television that have to have their own rise and fall and story arc.”
With early hype strong but post-launch viewership unavailable until the Netflix Top 10 comes out next Tuesday, Friedlander “truly” hopes “One Piece” is a “successful show that can continue, because I do believe that Oda-san has crafted an ongoing run of stories and adventures and characters that I would love to see realized through ‘One Piece’ live-action.” And though Friedlander can’t make any premature promises about “One Piece” Season 2–and knows Netflix viewers have concerns about early-on cancellations, including “Cowboy Bebop” — he points to the streamer’s recent track record for renewing genre shows that meet fans’ expectations.
“You can’t get it right every time,” Friedlander said. “You hope that with creative passion and storytellers that you do. And that’s what I’m here for, is to support the storytellers and how they interpret and adapt and experience an IP. And I think we’ve had a pretty impressive run when you think about just within the last year with ‘The Sandman’ and ‘Wednesday.’ And I do think we are able to adapt some of these IP into something that’s extraordinary and unexpected, and still truly honor what it is.”
As for Owens and Maeda’s plans for a Season 2, Maeda says they are “definitely taking it one step at a time,” simply because of the decades of “One Piece” material Oda-san has given them to work with that lead to “so many possibilities and endless permutations.”
Right now, the focus is just on launching that “One Piece” Season 1 ship out into the East Blue Sea.
“Along with Oda-san’s oversight and cooperation and partnership, I think that we came up with the very best version of this show that we can,” Maeda says. “I can’t complain that money wasn’t spent, I can’t complain that our hands were tied — we were able to make the show we wanted to make.”
This story has been expanded from the version printed in the Aug. 23 issue of Variety. The quotes from co-showrunner Steven Maeda were obtained during an interview organized by contacting Maeda’s publicist, not through Netflix, in accordance with WGA strike rules.

I've had suicidal thoughts on and off (mostly on) since at least 2016, been passively suicidal for a while and had serious ideation since last summer (never made a plan, got at least a few reasons I can't). I despise getting caught in these thought loops and if they go on too long I end up getting high which I don't even enjoy that much, giving myself minor burns (I didn't used to do this and I'm out of the expected age for this sort of behaviour) or just jumping between hundreds of youtube tabs so I can avoid thinking. My whole day is basically wake up sometime between 11am-3pm (4pm on really bad days), feel like shit about waking up late again, rot infront of my pc until sometime after 12am and then try to fall asleep for 3 hours while I'm stucking thinking about dying/killing myself.
I know self diagnosing is cringe but I suspect I may have innatentive adhd or I just think that to cope with my history of academic and employment failures. One of my friends (who I ghosted like an asshole) suggested I take a psych ed test but I'm not sure how to apply for one.
I don't really know how to get help and would prefer to sort it out by myself if I can but I don't have the slightest idea how to start the proccess of finding a therapist/psychiatrist. One of my parent works for a telecounceling company I could ask them for help but I'd rather not tell them what my issues are; when my brother was diagnosed with GAD they started treating him... differently? more like a child? don't know how to word it but I want to avoid it. I don't have insurance but I can pay out of pocket for a little while and I'm in Ontario (Canada). Appreciate any advice or resources. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this.
(So I wrote the previous bit in march but just never posted for some reason. I've been doing better since late may-ish, way less suicidal thoughts and self harm but I've been this way before and it never lasts that long. I don't know if its similar to mania or I just felt so terrible I forgot what this was like but. I've gotten a some of the stuff I was neglecting done and I would like to do something about this before I end up back in the pit.)

Hello,
I have a few questions about starting my son in baseball. Questions are at the bottom of this text wall.
I have two sons that have both started to show strong interest in baseball. The younger son is only 3 and he shows alot of interest, so i’ll probably start him in teeball when he turns four.
My 7 year old never did tee ball, but he has all of a sudden shown interest in baseball. I plan to try and find a rec league this fall. Earlier this spring i had missed all the spring sign ups by the time he started expressing interest… Dad fail. He was busy with soccer anyway.
I play ball with him relatively frequently. He’s not that great at hitting off a tee (primarily because he’d rather me throw to him whenever i suggest to try the tee). He can throw very well for someone his age that hasn’t played organized ball. And he can make contact with most of the slow tosses i give him, but my pitching sucks awful. I’m looking into machine pitches for at home to provide more consistency for these boys that don’t have a dad that can throw a consistent pitch.
I love baseball, but kind of suck at it and never was any good at throwing. I never played organized ball, except for a baseball camp at 12 years old at a local college where everyone obviously outclassed me. I had never been pitched to before and here’s this kid pitching heat and wicked curves at me. I had fun, but if he gets as outclassed as I was, I fear it would turn him off.
Anyhow, there’s a few college sponsored summer youth baseball camps (k-5) within a short drive of me in the coming weeks. Would it be a waste of my time to send him to one of those without being on a team first? My goals are to just get him into baseball and if he ends up enjoying it, take it further.

1. What should I do: baseball camp, more at home fun practice, wait until fall rec league, or private lessons before joining a team?
   
2. What type of pitching machine is good for early learning? Mechanical or electric?
   

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/familysuck96
AITAH for snapping my parents after they told me they used what was intended for college to help my brother and his family?
Originally posted to AITAH
Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: ableism, favoritism
Original Post May 28, 2024
Obvious throwaway account.
I was not planning to go straight to college, I wanted to take a year off I saved up some money from work. More or less school, sports, and work is all I have done. I wanted to live a little before I go to college. I told my parents about this two years ago. I assured them I all intentions to go to school just wanted to live for a little before hand. It seems they were cool with it.
Advance about a year and a half I told my parents I was looking to start college next semester this is when they told me that I no longer had any money. They did not think I was going to use it, and my brother's wife was diagnosed with MS and can no longer work so they gave my brother my college fund. It was a sizable amount. My parents did not do put it into a 529 plan, my father created an investment account that was in his name but intended for me. Last I was told total amount was around $224,418. Account has been open for 19 and half years.
I get legally I had no claim to the money since it was in my father's name. I also get I am not entitled to my parents financial assistance with higher education. All that being said I lost it with my parents and told them off and said many hurtful things some I regret some I do not.
My parents have told my family and been getting calls and texts stating how hurtful my comments were and the money my dad gave my brother and his family saved them. My initial reaction is why is that my problem? I get it must suck going from two incomes to one, and having a two child ontop of a wife with MS has is appears to be aggressive. While callous how is that my problem? Why should my future he impacted over someone else's life?
My father is not even willing to cosign a loan with me. I mean I am still going to school, I know you go find ways to make it cheaper go to community college for gen Ed's and stuff the transfer. Many grants and scholarships.
AITAH for more or less telling my family they all ducking suck trying to preserve the future of someone that has no real future. His wife MS has aggressively progressed in the brief time she has had it. Gone from working to needing assistance getting to the bathroom. Sure it may not inherently be a life limting disease, but it sure is a mobility limiting disease and she is only 33 and she is already this bad? Hate to be that person my father made an bad investment. That money is going to get eaten up rather quickly.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Agoraphobe961

Info: did at any point did you or other relatives besides parents contribute to the fund? Your first statement sounds like you did which could give you some leeway for a legal case or at least leverage to get your dad to co-sign.
While you are not “owed” the money, your parents did spend 19 years giving you a verbal contract that you had a college fund

OOP

No I did not add to the account. I lived off the money I saved from working while also doing side hustles for extra cash when needed.

~
petitefunsassy

I don’t understand why they needed the entire amount right away.
I don’t get how you can be close and communicating you will be going to college and they give away the money you were counting on without talking to you about it?
I don’t get how your SIL ms issues aren’t covered by insurance and social security disability.

OOP

Living expenses, it appears getting disability for MS is rather annoying to get. I do not know the extra details but I do know his wife did make good money before, she made more than my brother. They also have kids so yeah I am sure they money helped them a lot.
I do not know the ins and outs of their situation to answer your questions accurately.

When asked if he was living at home and off his parents

I was not no, as mentioned I had some money saved up I lived off that and did side hustles when I need extra cash. I did not live with my parents either shared an apartment with my friends

OOP Updated the post the next day May 29, 2024
Update: Have not read all of the comments, but wanted to clear some things up I have seen. I am going to be 20 in January. I did get accepted to U of Penn I will have to see what options are available for me, if nothing is available I will probably just go the state school route. Thankfully I am going to school for electrical engineering with a focus in power systems. Hopefully means I will not have a hard time finding a job. Reason I took the year off before going to straight into college is because some friends I game with are also engineers and they told me if they had the option they would hold off a year or two before going to college since from that point on it is all a grind. So that is what I did, I told my parents my plan they said they were okay with it and even told me the account was not going anywhere.
It was my mistake to put my trust in my parents. I should have followed the the mindset only person you can count on is yourself. Which is what I am doing going forward. My family does not care about me, and that is fine. I acknowledge what I said was harsh and I could have framed what I said better. Point still stands as others have pointed out. The money is a band aide, they are going to run through it and find themselves in a similar situation down the road. Sure I have options aviabile, but comparing them isn't getting my SIL on Medicaid a much cheaper and more viable option? Insurance could help fund her treatments and assistance she may need for as long as she qualifies.
The money will run out, and what then? I hope for my brother's and his family sake our parents don't just pull the rug from underneath him later down the road. As I have found out their word holds little value.
I also do not believe for a moment everyone saying they would be understanding would be as understanding had this happen to them. It is easy to say from the sidelines but it is hard to be open minded to the situation when you planned around a certain thing being there especially because your parents promised you. You expect your parents to be the ones that will keep a promise with their child.
Does not matter, at this point I know exactly where I stand. My brother not only had his college paid for by our parents, he has got a house from them as a wedding gift. I am unaware if he knew the money he got was my college fund or what but I do not care at this point. I will be fine going forward this is not the end of the world for me. So many people go to school without their parents money I can also do it. This is less about the money and more so the fact they are taking a piss on me and trying to pass it off as rain. I would have been more understanding if they just came to me at told me what they planned to do. I would be pissed but I could respect their honesty. How they went about it was scummy.
To those that are also saying they parents would not sign my loans because of what I said. I asked about the cosigner before I said all those things. At first I was upset but I knew with them cosigning I could still pay for school, and given their financial situation hopefully my rate would be on the lower side. Everything blew up the moment they told me they could not cosign a loan with me. So yeah I doubt that is why they said no.
I will keep reading the comments and will answer some I see throughout the day.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
cgm124

Honestly I would go NC and block them from your life, what did your parents say to you when you called them out?

OOP

Nothing to me, they just checked out. Clearly they had a lot to say to my family though. Given the phone calls and text messages.
I know where I stand with them and yeah I am done with them.

~
heepofsheep

Have you talked to your brother? He basically got both college funds… would he be willing to at least co sign your loans?
If your parents wanted to help that badly why didn’t they take a loan against their 401k?? Hell they could still do that fund your college…. Except of course they’d be sacrificing their wellbeing instead of theirs….

OOP

Part of me wants to I really do but I am also afraid. I want to ask if he knew it was my college fund he was getting. I am afraid of the answer. Doubt I will ask though if I am being honest.
Yeah that is a good question. Overall they probably feel the same way I do. Why should they have to suffer because another person is sick. They just come off as being the good guys in this equation because they offered help. Knowing my parents especially my dad the money was never part of their plans. It was more or less extra money.

Why take a year off after high school

I took a year off because I saved up most of my pay over from 16 to 18. Had I known they were going to give away my college fund if I did not go I would have just gone.
I thought it was best to take a year off now, cause after college I will be spending most of my life working. I had the means, I was using the money I saved nothing from my parents.
I made a plan based on a promise. You are right though if you cannot trust your parents to keep a promise who can you trust.

LAST COMMENTS FROM OOP

I am more so mad that my older brother got his free ride, a house when he got married, and on top got my free ride also. Yeah I came to vent, I also don't buy others wouldn't be upset either. My parents knew my plan, were on board, told me the money would be there when I was ready. Then when you go to collect they tell you it is all gone, and then when you ask if they would he willing to cosign they also say no. Pretty sure most people would be livid in that situation also. Sure maybe they would say what I said but the raw emotion probably would be present in nearly everyone. It is easy to say from the sidelines how they would handle it. Sure I am sure people will say they will handle it with grace. Good for you.
I will be fine, I am still going to school and I will make sure to learn my lesson that I cannot count on my parents to keep their word and I will make sure I never in a position where I am relying on handouts. My parents taught me a great lesson cannot trust anyone but yourself not even family.

When called on talking about someone with MS and what OOP said

So you have never said anything hurtful in the heat of the moment after you had the rug pull from you?

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Expensive_Pangolin60
WIBTA for calling off a wedding because my fiancé is extremely frugal?
Originally posted to AITAH abusiverelationships and OOP's own page
BoRU 1 Posted by u/ParadoxicalState
BoRU 2 Posted by u/Stephenallen1977
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, trauma, financial struggles, neglect, psychological manipulation
MOOD SPOILERS: sad - but generally positive overall
Original Post June 06, 2023
I 31F struggle with my fiancé’s 32M frugalness and not sure if I want to marry him anymore after 3 year relationship.
Throwaway as my Fiancé follows my regular account.
I met my Fiancé 3 years ago. He came out of an abusive marriage just 2 years before we met. One of her absolute abuses was financial. She bled him dry. Made him buy expensive jewelry only to give it away or break it after an argument. Designer shoes, clothes, big house cars… Caribbean trips. you name it she made him pay for it. She also took him to the cleaners in the divorce.
However. My Fiancé is very well off. He makes far over 6 figures almost 7. On top of that he inherited a few millions from his grandfather and his parents gifted him and his siblings also a few cool millions.
So yes the financial abuse was bad but he does not suffer financially. He has more money than he will ever need.
So last year I moved into his house. I do not pay rent but I split the bills and buy food. I pay for my own clothes and jewelry. I have a good job and I can take care of myself. However things have been taking a turn for the worse and I feel miserable.
His house was empty when I moved in. He had hand me down furniture. Maybe 3 forks and 2 knives. He wouldn’t put on the heating so the house felt cold and moldy. He has no curtains, no decorations. His ex took everything not bolted down and he was too cheap to replace it. Just imagine a million dollar house like that!
I am grateful that I can live in his house. It is something I could never afford myself. But I didn’t want to live in squalor! So I bought some kitchen supplies, some furniture… but at some point I realized I was dipping in my savings all the time and he did nothing. I looked into curtains but those things are expensive. His house has so many windows it is crazy. I didn’t want to pay for this anymore.
I told him I needed a fund to furnish his house. He blew up at me that I was just with him for his money. I pointed out all the money I spend on his house. The gifts and the trips because he pays for nothing ever. Because he wants to be sure I am not here for the money. The fact is, if we break up I have nothing… the house is not mine. If I spend all my savings on his house I will be left with absolutely nothing! He wants a prenup and I am fine with that but I can’t help but feel used.
Next to that I am jealous of his ex wife. I feel like she got treated and I am neglected. He proposed to his ex on a cruise with a 10.000 dollar white gold diamond ring. I got the rhodium plated Swarovski stuff that might cost like 100 bucks. The proposal was at a picnic in the park I organized, payed groceries for and slaved in the kitchen for. I almost said no out of pure disappointment . However I am afraid to bring it up and to be called a golddigger. I don’t want to be funding a millionaire’s lifestyle. He loves everything as long as I pay for it. As soon as he has to pay it is frivolous, unnecessary….
I can live like a poor person by myself. At least the fact there are literal millions lying around doesn’t hang over me to bum me out.and I would just be paying for my own lifestyle.
WIBTA for calling of a wedding purely for financial reasons. Because I love this man, but I imagine our cheap wedding in contrast to his ex her extravaganza, will our future kids be able to have some luxuries? Or only if I pay for it? What if I ever become a stay at home mom? Will I have to beg to put the heating on?
Edited to answer questions I see a lot: I know the abuse is not made up. His family and friends told me seperate stories of the abuse they witnessed. Not only did it confirm it, it showed me she was way more terrible than I thought. Like stealing heirloom jewelry of his grandma with alzheimer right after she was widowed. Pretending she was gifted these things even though every one knew grandma hated her guts.
I did not realize or see he is doing the same to me as she was to him and he is (subconsciously) punishing me for what was done to him.
I am not trying to force a lifestyle in him where he was previously happy in. He told me prior to moving in that he left his house like this because he was depressed after his wife took everything ( even the curtains) that it makes him sad and he wants a cozy home. He just didn’t know where to start.
His house is paid off, thanks to grand dad. He isn’t actually spending much on utilities either, house is very well isolated and has solar panels. It is weird to see how cheap being rich really is.
I am not asking for designer furniture. Ikea all the way and I have refurbished second hand furniture myself. I am actually pretty thrifty .
I see where my jealousy over the ex her lifestyle might have triggered some people. Let me explain. A 10.000 dollar ring is insane and stupid to me. I do not want that because I would fear for losing it every day. I don’t need an over the top wedding … however, it almost feels like for her he did effort. Wanted to give her what made her happy. Put effort and thought in it. With me it almost feels like he wants to prove how little he can give me.
He talked about how he would see the wedding and it is cheaper than my actually financially struggling cousin her wedding. I can’t help but feel he wants to demonstrate how cheap he can treat me! And I already feel embarrassed about the family that would have been to both and I will feel like the discount wife. I don’t like to say it but it feels like he gets of on it to some extend. We are almost talking washing paper plates at this moment.
Yes I did discuss selling the mansion I really don’t need and move to a more modest house. Especially knowing this is the house his ex picked. He doesn’t want to do that. He loves this house… but I feel really intimidated living in a house I could never afford anyway. And so many large windows… tjeesh
I havn’t talked to him yet but pauze on the marriage and counseling is a must . I already am looking for IC because I realized I might indeed be too much of a people pleaser allowing him to control me with the ghost of his ex. I also am going to seperate for a while. I am looking to rent something for a few months so I can get some space.
Thank you all for your insights !
RELEVANT COMMENTS
SeniorDay

NTA. - “I understand you’ve had some trauma in your past and I’m sorry you went through that. But I can’t allow you to mistreat me because of it. It burns me up inside that you gave her everything, but I have to beg for the bare minimum. I deserve to feel cherished by my partner, as I have cherished you.”*

OOP

Oomph that hit me right in the feels.

~
moth_girl_7

“I am not with you because of the money you have, and if you can’t trust that then that’s something you need to work on. I cannot live without heat, furniture, curtains, and basic decency just to prove to you that I am not a financial abuser like your ex. It feels as if you are projecting that image onto me and that is unfair.” His way of coping is extremely unhealthy. What he should be doing is talking to a therapist about how he can communicate his needs to you, not shutting you out and behaving the complete opposite of how he did with this ex. He should set some healthy boundaries on how he spends his money, sure, but he also needs to acknowledge that you asking for some financial contribution to the house you live in isn’t the same as his ex demanding he take her on a cruise. He needs to find some ways he can feel appreciated when he does spend money on things you benefit from, and he needs to trust that he is in full control of his money, you have no desire to take that from him.*

Update 1 June 10, 2023 (4 days later)
Originally posted to AITAH, but was removed by the mods. Preserved on user's account.
Okay I hope this update makes sense because I am very confused and not really doing that well at the moment.
Well Reddit you changed my life. thank you so much for all your ideas and insights. Honestly I don’t think I would have had the courage to do what I did without you guys. I went to therapy Took the day off just to get my racing mind to calm down.
Therapy has confirmed things you guys suspected. I am a people pleaser, I wanted to “save” him and I have internalized the idea that any effort and every penny I want him to spend on me makes me a gold digger. I will have weekly sessions to work on me. I realized I would have never taken this treatment from any of my exes. Even though I made more then them. The idea I had to proof myself “ worthy “ to be with a millionaire and not be in there for the money got in to my head pretty early.
I called one of his siblings I am pretty close with and just told her everything. She was not surprised but just sad about how unhappy he was making me. She told me that from the day we started he had this idea that “ I was out of his league”. He struggled to understand why I wanted to be with him and he probably just thought : it must be my money. She told me she already talked to him in the past to treat me better. She was furious about the proposal.
This information confused me a little. I was a little hurt she never discussed any of this before but she thought it was none of her business. She also explained how she and her husband organized their finances. He also doesn’t have as much as her.
I took the opportunity to pack a bag. I haven’t n’t found a place yet but I am going to stay with my parents. I made up my mind that I will at least want 6 months apart to get myself in order. I made sure my stuff was in the car because honestly I had no idea how the conversation would go.
so into the most difficult part. The talk. I waited for him to come home. He was pretty late but I didn’t want to sleep another night on this. Pretending I was fine while I was contemplating all this just ate me up.
I had written down what I wanted to say. I have never been so scared before. I didn’t want to hurt him and I didn’t know how he would react. I took some advice from here. I opened that I was moving out and that I wanted to pauze our engagement. He was very quiet and just sat down. I told him he really hurt me by calling me a golddigger and that I am done walking on eggshells and feeling guilty for just wanting basic things. I told him I was unhappy and felt neglected. I also told him that after 3 years of me showing up for him he still doesn’t think I am here for him, it is not going to happen.
He was just quiet. He didn’t say anything. I told him that the constant comparing to his ex was unhealthy and unfair.Punishing me for her sins was abusive. I told him comparing her to me all the time has triggered me comparing myself to her and starting to feel like she was worth more than me. One of the things about her was mostly ungratefulness. He would do nice things for her but it was never enough. The thing is, he doesn’t do nice things for me and I have to be grateful for the pleasure of picking up the bill.
I told him he was not ready for marriage. That I dreaded having kids with him and live like this. That is didn’t trust he would take care of me if I would become a SAHM. And at that point I just called him abusive and a user. I was getting pretty angry saying all this out loud. Losing my composer and script a little bit.
He remained quiet with almost no emotion on his face. I stayed quiet but nothing came out so I decided that I would just leave. Only when I got up to go he said please don’t go. He asked me if I was pausing the wedding or calling it of. He wanted to know if it was over or if he still had a shot.
I told him I wanted out of this house. I honestly don’t want to live in his ex her palace of sadness anymore. I needed him to go to therapy and especially financial therapy. I needed a separation. I told him I was open to couples counseling if he went into IC.
He begged me not to do the separation but honestly I really really wanted it. I just told him to think about it and I left him. He was finally showing some emotions. He was crying at this point.
He sent me a very long text somewhere in the AM. Told me he was a wreck and couldn’t sleep. He made all kinds of promises. He would go into therapy, sell his house, buy a smaller one and make sure I am taken care of whatever happens. He said he would help me decorate and we will make a home. He again asked me to please come “home”. But to me it doesn’t feel like home there anyway.
I feel very empty and tired. I have been sleeping most of the day. I feel guilty but also a little bit relieved if that makes sense.I don’t know if I actually want back if he does all that. Idk I am a little unsteady right now. I need some time to proces.
I will go back for the kitchen supplies and my tv. I won’t take anything else of the furniture. This for the exact same reason I was unwilling to buy everything: his house is huge so the couch is huge … I can’t take it.
Update2 Jul 04 2023 (1 month later)
Hi everybody. Let me just say I am overwhelmed by the number of people really caring about me and asking for updates. Strangers who care about you is a feeling like no other thank you!
So as I said I left. I am looking for an apartment I can afford. My parents are helping out. I am living with them and saving up.
I am not closing all doors but as for now we are broken up. I have no contact. The first week he transferred a large amount to my account. It really rubbed me the wrong way. It just showed me that he still thought that money was what kept me here. I deducted the couch I left and transferred everything else back I asked for no contact after this.
He has been respectful of it and I feel free at the moment. I felt guilty for my needs. For wanting to be taken out every once and a while. The longer I am out the harder I realize it was abuse. I have an autoimmunity problem and the cold house caused it to flare up. Even after that he kept turning the heat down. He rather have me miserable than pay what? 100 dollars extra in the end of the year?
The last thing I heard is that he put the palace of sadness on the market. I have seen the adds so happy he is going through with that. I heard of his sister that he is in therapy. I am happy for that and I hope he keeps that up! He is keeping his promises so far but I need to see real change and even then I really don’t know.
I am building my own life by myself. Thinking about getting a puppy. If I give him another shot. It has to start all from scratch. I want to start dating again and take it slow.
Therapy is really a good idea. I now know I was just bringing this on myself as a people pleaser. Savior… wanting this man to be happy so bad I forgot about myself. Never again.
So that is all there is to say really
RELEVANT COMMENTS
gurlwithdragontat2

Best of luck! Please never forget your worth again, because others will shortchange you if so.*

OOP

True! I allowed this from day one and let him play his fantasy revenge on me. The red flags were there so early. Loving ourselves is the key to a happy life

~
​ SummerFlip

My question is, did you previously communicate your feelings before just ending it? Did you wait until you stopped loving him?*

OOP

I did. Multiple times. I had a few break downs where I told him I was unhappy especially when my autoimmunity disease just kicked into high gear I told him I was done being cold. Then the discussions started about what is cold and I had to negotiate a temperature setting he was okay with , he would still turn it down behind my back. The curtains were just the last straw for me. He was giddy and happy about all other changes I made to his home with my money I thought it would not be so weird to ask him to pitch in right? I had done so much, sacrificed so much and he still blew up at me? What kind of golddigger pays for everything for 3 years? If I was one I was really bad at it So yes I communicated, over and over and nothing changed. I am pretty shocked he is actually doing something right now but honestly I think it is a little too late. I don’t want to shut the door completely but I will never ever be cold in my life ever again

Financially abusive fiancé : It’s over for good, my final update Sep 21 2023 (3 months after OG post)
Thank you for everyone reaching out to me. I have closed in on a little apartment for myself. I got a puppy.
After being in a home where I was truly loved: my parents I realized how sad, cold and alone I had been. Over time I went blind for a lot of things.
Blind to a comfortable home temperature. Comfortable with thinking about every penny spend. Feeling guilty for buying that dress I wanted for so long that was finally on sale. Feeling entitled for wanting date nights… being treated sometimes.
I started to think about what makes me happy. I love to travel, dress up to go to a nice restaurant. Throw dinner parties, entertain people, think about Christmas gifts 6 months in advance. Have a cosy house…. And I realized just how much he had taken from me with that one little sentence: is that really necessary…
Is anything ever? If you have a roof, food, bed and a TV you are there right? Is travel necessary? Is having nice clothes necessary? Is a shower necessary? A haircut? A party? A hobby? A wedding? No!
I know now that abusers are not per definition bad people. He is broken and he has trauma I have no time or energy for. He got free from abuse and decided to become the abuser. I know he is in therapy and we initially agreed on 6 months no to low contact. But I felt I was certain it was not for me anymore and I didn’t want to keep him dangling.
Breaking up with him was very hard. It made me very sad. I never wanted to hurt him and I loved this man very deeply. I wanted us to be each others happy ever after. We both came from dark places and I wanted us to thrive together. His family told me I was the one, I was everything he was looking for and I felt so lucky.
But we only have 1 life and he has so much work to do before he even becomes the bear minimum of what I needed.
I feel failed. Like my story has a bad ending. I feel very broken and sad. I will take my time to just be me. I hope he does the same. I truly hope he finds the one and becomes happy. Mostly I hope that for myself but for now I am enough by my self with the pupper!
Thank you all for your time and support. I am going to have a little cry in some furbaby’s fluffy fur
RELEVANT COMMENTS
NolaCat94

This is so far from a bad ending. A bad ending would've been staying until nothing was left of you. A bad ending would've been him bleeding you dry and you being stuck. You put yourself first and that will always be good. And to add to the positivity, this is probably the kick he needed to get past his trauma.*

OOP

I think you are spot on. He has said these things himself. He didn’t know how bad he was until he came home to me leaving. He has told me he hates himself for letting me walk and letting me be this miserable. He is in therapy ( as far as I know because I am No contact ) and I hope he does well. I really felt once I was out how much of myself was lost. I went through quite a dark time realizing how far I went for this man. But I am getting better.

~
ZestyLemonAsparagus

It does feel like a sad ending, I get the sadness of knowing the magical ending wasn’t going to happen, of the hope that he would see the light and make the changes he needed to in order to make you feel valued. But at the end of the day it’s a happy ending as well, you have a puppy who loves you and he demonstrated through his anger that he still holds his values of stinginess higher than he holds you, so you don’t have to wonder. This really, really feels like the ending of Inside Out, where a core memory comes in and it is a mix of Joy and Sadness. And sadness isn’t bad, sadness helps us remember what is important. You are important. I’m happy for you that you have been able to connect with the things that bring you joy, and surrounded yourself with them.*
But… please stay open. I know you have joked that you are fine being single forever, and if that is the course of your life, then that’s all well and good. Being single doesn’t mean lonely as you truly know while you entertain in your apartment. Guard yourself against become a version of your ex in the same way he became a version of his ex, not that you would abuse others but that you would abuse yourself by closing yourself off from people to keep yourself safe. You deserve that joy, and all the happiness in the world.*

OOP

Thank you. I will be open to someone again but only when it comes out of a place of “ wow this person is something else” not interested in anything else. I know now I ran past several red flags just because this man could give me the life I dreamed of. Married, nice house, some kids. A life with no worries … but he was not that man.
He has send me letters upon letters how sorry he is, taking accountability. But I can’t anymore. I just don’t want to try again. I hope he does well for himself. He is in therapy and doing his best. I hope he is happy one day. I just don’t want to be part of it anymore. So yes it is no Disney ending. But it is also not my ending. It is a real beginning

~
Ok-Act-8736

He’s now taking accountability? Last time he was angry at you for not respecting what je can do with his money*

OOP

Yep he is very sorry about that. He doesn’t know why reacted like that. He is ashamed about it. Money suddenly doesn’t matter to him anymore. These are all things in his texts letters and phone calls.
But it has been a while since I have had contact with him. Even if he changes a lot now… my question is : why couldn’t he do that then. I got sick, when I got sad and told him I was unhappy… why can he only change when he is in pain because I left? That says it all.
I really hope he finds himself and that he will be happy in the future but I don’t want to be part of it anymore

NEW UPDATE

Some things that kept me on my path during leaving my abusive relationship Dec 26, 2023 (4 months since last update)
I was in a financially abusive relationship. With enough time passing now I am more comfortable with the word abuse. I fought it for a long time because he did not scream at me, hit me or called me names.
He just used triangulation and the image of his abusive ex to use my own kindness against myself and to get me to fall in line. Spend my limited savings into furniture, luxuries and nights out for a goddamn multi millionaire just to have some comfort in life. Constantly trying to prove I was no gold digger by having 0 needs, living in a cold house and buy him everything he could ever want. I never lived a impoverished existence then when I was with a person who actually had loads of money. More than I could possibly comprehend.
When I left I really struggled to keep at it. I was so scared to go at life by myself. To actually have to pinch Pennie’s. He kept telling me what I wanted to hear for so long. Went into therapy, begged me to come back. It digged into my resolve. Made me doubt if I was making a mistake.
A few things made me go on:

1. My colleagues who are more friends than coworkers who knew all my stories into details hugged me and told me they were so proud of me for leaving. Their feeling was so authentic it rubbed off on me. I was also proud I left and I couldn’t let them and me down by going back
   
2. My boss once passed my office when I was working late and he said:” Never give men second chances! They never change. You deserve someone who gets it right from the start.” I don’t know what prompted him to say this to me but it stuck with me.
   
3. My trainer who knows some stories said to me: you gave everything to get less then nothing back ! It is like me getting a 100 bucks from you and to repay you I’ll take another 100 bucks from your wallet! why would you want to take that deal again? He has a debt with you he can’t repay and I don’t mean cash. I mean emotional energy, love and kindness.
   
4. I read somewhere: don’t wake up in the same miserable place 10 years from now because you feared the change you have to make today. That hit me very hard.
   

I have bought my own apartment. I felt like a poor little mouse being surrounded by people who make my monthly wage in a few days! But the fact is I have a very good job. I earn far above average. I am able to have a nice place, nicely furnished. And I can even support a puppy.
I live by myself but feel endlessly more warmth then in a relationship. I love myself way more. I am not riddled with guilt over wanting to have a cozy house. Go out for dinner sometimes. I am so happy I dragged myself out of this relationship. I kept at it and moved on.
Keep going. One foot in front of the other. It is hard but you can do this! I am proud of you!
OOP Updared in the comments Apr 9, 2024 (4 since last update)
The money is gone. I am not going to get that back or fight for it. I even had to block him because at some point he got petty and wanted me to pay rent for the time I lived with him so no way I was opening that discussion. Whatever… lesson learned . I may look poor compared to millionaires but I am doing fine.
The sister and I did get along for a while. We share a hobby and talked about that. But recently I have been official and out in the open with my new boyfriend and she struggles with this. Maybe she was hoping it would still work out or something I don’t know. But she has been one a lot colder.
This man… wow! People say never settle because there is better out there for you… I never believed it. Honestly I was ready to be a crazy dog lady for the rest of my life. I was enjoying being single. My friends urged me to start dating just to get the hang of it… he was my 3rd date. I went against my will and was 100% not into it but when I saw him in real life…omg sparks flew like never before ! I am in my thirties so you would have thought experienced it all… but this??? Wow
He is everything my ex was not. He is kind and caring. Cooks me dinner. Gets flustered but is grateful for gifts he gets. He treats me to dinners. Will not even allow me to go Dutch on it. He has planned and booked dates and trips months in advance even before we were well and good official. Buys me gifts! He is not as wealthy as my ex. But he makes a good living. His income is comparable to mine but he treats me like a queen. And between me and you ( and all redditors that dig this deep in the comments) the love making is INSANE ! I guess giving people give everywhere freely.
So please take away to never settle! Ever ! Trust the process babe!
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ConditionBig6373

I hope you told him off! After the abuse you suffered he should shit his mouth and be grateful you didn't sue him for emotional distress!

OOP

Too much energy to waste on a man who wasted so much already. I just never want to see him again. I hope he finds the help he needs and I hope he becomes a happy person but I do not want to be anywhere near him.
I am so happy with my current boyfriend. I don’t understand how I fought for so long to keep this man.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Skip to the final paragraph if you don’t want to read the back story.
First let me say I (female) DO love this Scorpio(male). I’ve been in love with him since the day I met him 10+ years ago. When we first met, I fucked things up because I was young and I thought he was too good for me and I liked him too much and it freaked me out.
Fast forward a couple years I’m in a relationship with someone new and he keeps sliding in my DMs (relentlessly btw) wanting to hang out. But I was with someone so I basically had to ignore him or turn him down. I also assumed he just wanted to F***.
Fast forward to today. I am single and haven’t stopped thinking about him since I met him 10+ years ago - after my recent break up, I went through therapy, got my health together, lost weight, healed and looking good, and decided to slide into his DMs. Initially, he basically tells me “F you” because that entire time he was in love with me but I never gave him a chance (seriously I had no idea he only acted like he wanted someone to F) and now he’s with someone. Also this relationship is a 1,000 mile (not exaggerating) long distance relationship and always has been.
Fast forward some more, we decide to meet for coffee where he tells me he doesn’t know if he loves this girl he’s with which is why he’s getting coffee with me.
Now we’re texting constantly everyday, chatting on the phone, sharing music, movies, books. Pretending it’s all platonic and I listen to him bitch and moan about the conflicts in this long distance relationship.
Final fast forward, this past weekend, they get into a fight and decide to go on a break. Him and I have conversations about being in a relationship together. Next day we get coffee, I can see he’s being weird and he’s in his head. By the end of everything, he’s crying and cancels our plans for the following weekend saying he needs time to heal. When I get home I call him to tell him I can’t do this - I let him know I like him so f-ing much and I can’t pretend to be his friend, I can’t listen to him talk about her because it hurts. I told him I don’t want to have feelings of animosity but they’re growing from the amount of whiplash he’s given me (there’s actually a lot more but I kept things long story short). I said I can be your friend but we can’t keep up the flirting or relationship talk, or I can give him time to heal and when he’s ready he can call me or text me and we’ll pick things up fresh. He agreed it all wasn’t fair to me and we settled on an amicable and friendly note.
It’s only been 2 days and I’m terrified of losing him or him never coming back. I also deeply care for him and want to see how’s he doing - not really with us but with the relationship with her. In the hopes of having him back in my life (at this point I’ll take just friends again) should I reach out and see or let things simmer? Will he come back or did he get rid of me in the most perfect secret Scorpio way? Ugh I can never read him or how he’s feeling it drives me crazy. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him.