Mother daughter tattoos

TW
Firstly, would like to apologize if there are any grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors. English is not my first language so please bear with me.
I was born to my parents just two years after their arranged marriage. Since my childhood, I had an extremely hostile relationship with my mother. When I was young, my mother was responsible for tutoring me, and those days were hellish. Although she was a good tutor, I was a slow learner. As a result, I would get beaten badly whenever I didn't study or finish my work on time. When I was about 5 or 6 years old, one of the punishments she enforced on me was to make me sweep and clean the floors of the entire house. Although that punishment stopped by the time I was 7, it was traumatizing, to say the least.
I remember one day when one of my father's colleagues took me aside and asked me intimate details about my parent's relationship. I innocently answered him, which led to him teasing my mom and dad. This made my mom very angry at me, so when we returned home, she locked all the doors and windows and mercilessly beat me for hours. I remember not being able to move my body for days after that. After every punishment, she would love me, hold me, kiss me, and say how sorry she was for punishing me, asking me not to repeat my mistakes.
I always felt my mom hated me. When I was young, I was weak and often hospitalized for days, which caused financial problems for our family. My mom always envisioned her child as someone who was academically successful, skilled in drawing, and proficient in classical dancing. I disappointed her in that regard, which led her to emphasize how much she hated me, how much of a money-waster I was, and how she wished I was never born. My mom became better when my little sister was born. My sister was everything my mom wanted: she is a great dancer, a talented painter, and excels in her studies. My mom's love and care for my sister made me jealous, and whenever I expressed it, I was called a bad sister.
To make my mom proud, I decided to give my all to my studies and eventually scored well in my Grade X exams. To make both my mom and dad proud, I chose to study Science in Grade XI despite feeling miserable. In this case, my parents never forced me to take this course; it was my own decision to make them proud. After graduating, my mom and dad wanted me to be a doctor, but I never wanted to be one. Instead, I chose to major in biotechnology and eventually studied biomedical engineering for my master's.
Throughout this time, my father supported me both financially and emotionally, but the same cannot be said for my mom. Although she was not very supportive, she kept quiet about my educational decisions and only made a few snide remarks.
This led to an incident that occurred in the months after I graduated with my bachelor's degree. Before I enrolled for my master's, I had to take an entrance exam. I was unable to pass it, which left me with limited options for my postgraduate degree. Eventually, within two months, I qualified for an institute-level entrance exam at one of the top-ranked Tier-I government institutes in our country and enrolled in my master's program there. However, those two months were hellish. My mom made sure to taunt me, emotionally and physically assault me, and call me names like a mooch (even though she was a stay-at-home mom by that time).
When I cracked the exam and enrolled in my master's program, her entire demeanour changed. She would tell people, and me, that she had successfully raised a good daughter and that she was proud of me. It felt nice; I felt loved again. But now, as I am close to graduating with my master's, her abuse has begun again. It started with her saying that all her friends' kids are doing jobs and that I am useless. I wanted to pursue a PhD, but apparently, that's not good enough for her. She wanted more from me and wanted me to go for high-paying jobs like her friends' kids. It became especially worse after I got rejected from the institutes where I applied for my PhD. I am no saint; I have done and said unforgivable things to her, which has strained our relationship further.
Every day, I think about ending it all, and I am only holding back for my father. I know how it would break him. I wish no other child would go through what I went through. I'd rather have you abandon me than abuse me, Mom.
To my Mamma:
Yes, Mom, I know I am a failure who wasted all your money, but for God's sake, I am your daughter, not a trophy for you to showoff. I love you, Mom, for all the sacrifices you've made for me, but I hate you too for all the pain you caused me.
I want to be as strong, brave, resilient, and loving as you, but I pray I don't end up becoming a mother like you to my children. Thanks for everything—thank you for bringing me into this world, for raising me, and for making me who I am today. But I wonder, can I ever let go of the hatred and resentment I have for you, Mom?
Thank you, Mom. Every single hurtful action you took over the years has inspired me to fight, not just for myself, but for all those kids who are suffering like I did. I might have been helpless, but I will work hard to become a voice for those children so that no other kid feels helpless and they can have a happy and healthy childhood.

tl;dr i’m just emotional af right now dealing with mental shit from my ex.
I (32F) left him (35M) after i couldn’t take enough of the nonstop drama that is him. Sexting other women, drugs, mental/emotional and physical abuse. I had to leave. We have 3 young daughters together and it hurts deeply to see them FaceTime each other, missing each other. He blames me for “ruining his life”. The latest drama is I came to live with my mom in La and got a job, but he refused to help me watch our kids. His words were “I won’t watch them to benefit you, you left me.” I couldn’t afford or figure out childcare and ended up quitting a job that i loved. Now I’m a single mother, unemployed and homeless. It was sink or swim so I made a GoFundMe trying to raise money for a certificate program, and mentioned I recently left an abusive relationship. I shared with a few family members and somehow he caught wind, so he called me nearly in tears from how angry he was. He feels so betrayed that I did that and embarrassed him. But DAMN I was trying to do anything I could, the field I want to get into is lucrative and not too time consuming to get certified so I was thinking of how to provide for my kids, seeing as I couldn’t get any assistance with childcare.
So now I feel like shit. I feel deflated and guilty, lonely and confused. I told him several times I was sorry it got shared with his family and it wasn’t about him, it was about our girls. But he’s left me on read the entire day and asked my daughter on facetime to call from her ipad, not my phone. Because he won’t be answering my calls anymore. Kinda laying it on thick considering what he put me through. So there’s resentment and anger that he’s acting sooooo hurt when I dealt with so much worse.
Just saw a comment with a link to how strangulation is a strong indicator of death in the long run. He choked me 2-3 times, once saying “i just blacked out”. Fckn Wild

Guys, I'm so done. I can't cope with all the hurt, my ex put me through. I know, there are different subs dedicated to this topic, but actually, I've been through domestic violence. Here's my story:
So I was in highschool. That was 4 and a half years ago. I was actually broken too. Had several PTSD therapies and was absolutely broken. My childhood was tough as my father had BPD and was very abusive. My parents got divorced and we haven't spoken for 10 years, with my father. That's why I had PTSD. 4 and a half years ago, I met this girl. She was so innocent and lost. I knew, I had to ask her out. Things were quick. A month later, we started dating and my love for her only grew faster. On the other hand, her parents hated me from the very beginning. My father was arab and so my skin tone is slightly darker which is unacceptable, in my country. And as she is a pale blonde, they were upset because I'd probably ruin their pure white family with my genes if I ever had a child with their daughter. This was pretty hard pill to swallow..
Anyways, we remained dating. Everything was just perfect untill the day I took her to a camping site during summer holidays. Went for a hike and suddenly, she started crying, saying she's having this "crisis". The "crisis", ever since then, became her tool to make me try harder. That's when the emotional abuse began. She's had about 15 of those major crises throughout the relationship. Later on, she told me she was lost and didn't know whether she's not missing something while being with me. I fixed that and she switched back to loving me. After that, things got worse. I mean, her demeanor was somewhat different. We started having arguments over NOTHING. But yeah, it wasn't that dramatic so far, so we remained together. Another year went by and I remember, I was like, 18? I took her out for shopping. Out of the blue, she told me to my eyes, I don't love you anymore. My heart was torn apart. I remained still. Told her that we could take a pause so that she could think it through. I gave her space. Man, it is excruciatingly painful when you tell them that you love them and they don't respond. I did everything she wanted. After a month, she switched back again. At this time, I realized, I wouldn't make it if I lost her. I've put her first in any aspect of life. I've sacrificed so much for her. Her demands were only higher and higher yet her respect for me went to zero. But still, another year passed by. The third year, I went through hell. My father called me. It was intense as we haven't spoken for 10 years. He told me, he has a cancer in it's final stage. Heartbreaking. I had to take care about him till the end. Meanwhile, my gf had a beef with her mother and I've decided to help her and take care of her problem as well as that of mine, with my father. I even ended up taking her mother to a restaurant where I had to explain, how it is important to communicate, in family. You get it? Me, a 20 yo, let's say kid, explaining this to a 50yo woman? WILD. I stood our ground and told her that we are moving. Did my girlfriend thank me? Nah. But before moving in together, I managed to find us a part time job abroad, for the entire summer holiday. I was so proud of myself that I could really manage to do this. We went there and the very first thing she told me was that she's about to have another crisis. It crushed me. We were supposed to help some old owners of a guest house. They only spoke their language, couldn't speak english nor our language, so clearly, I said, I have to learn their language so that I'd be able to communicate with them. My gf? She told ME to speak with them. After a month being there, I could speak quite well and she could barely say anything. Still, she blamed me for it and made a huge scene in public about it. Speaking of the huge scenes, she made these even in our country. She always did it in public, where she would start screaming, crying in order to make me look as an abuser in front of everyone. She did it many many times, mostly in shopping centers.
When we returned, we moved in together. Of course, I was the one who found us a dormitory to be. She didn't do anything for it. Our mutual life was okay, at least to her. I started feeling neglected and abused. The hell was only to begin. She started calling me names, making scenes in public so that I seemed as a total abuser even more frequently, gaslighting, blackmailing, humiliating, she hated my friends, hated my projects (podcasts), hated my opinions and everything I did was just wrong. Sometimes, it went physical. She blamed me for receiving an orphan's pension and not taking her out or buying her shit. It hurts to write. Sexually, she liked to frustrate me for weeks or even a month. Then, when I naturally didn't last long, she threw a tantrum. Sometimes, she screamed at me during sex over something I did or didn't do during the day. Then, it got even worse. We didn't sleep together whatsoever and she started isolating me. Blamed me for going to my parents for a weekend, saying, I don't feel at home with her. She even forbade me lighting a candle on the day it was a year after my father died. I was so lethargic. Didn't know what to do. She found herself some friends at work and started hanging out with them after work. I remember going for her to work in winter. It was so cold. She left me waiting outside for an hour only to tell me that she was in a pub, after work. I stopped going there. And she hated me for that. Then, she broke up with me. Just like that. She was so suspiciously over it. I asked her about any other guy and was told she doesn't have any nor does she want anyone else. I went home, to my parents. A few days after, I found out, she had a crush at work. Well, my panic attacks came back.
she seemed so indifferent but when I returned to that room, I saw, it was a room of a total mess. I found our photos on the desk, our products still displayed and my t-shirt, she clearly still slept in it. So damn weird. That's when it got really really suspicious. I consulted this whole situation with my psychologist and he said, by all that I describe, There's no doubt she has a BPD and I wouldn't ever change her. The end was INEVITABLE. But I didn't know much about BPD, back then. I didn't know anything about hoovering. She did it. She stalked me to school and made a huge scene in front of my classmates about how she still loves me and won't make it through summer without me. I rejected her and told her to go away. A few days after, I was so curious about what might happen. I just went to the room again and I shouldn't have done it. She took a pose. A mask of arrogance so that I can't hurt her. The first thing she said was that she's happy without me. It made angry and confused because it didn't make sense as she told me how she still loves me, before. I spat all the shit she put me through, at her. I didn't scream or anything, but told her everything. She said things that hurt me but I hurt her too. I could see her "mask" breaking and her eyes flooding in tears. Oh god, I hurt myself by doing that. I suggested, I knew about her crush all the time. She acted indifferent. I left.
I feel shame. As a man, I should've acted more assertive. I just couldn't and so I came through the same hurt, as during my childhood.
I can't do this anymore. The pain is just excruciating.

My mother is 88 years old. She has alienated her godchild, my daughter and my granddaughters. My sister is mentally ill and tortured my mother & me with hours of horrid phone calls for years. After the last restraining order, my mother made a will and is leaving my sister nothing. I am the executor of her estate. There are 6 people in our immediate family and she is only talking to two of us.
I’m in the Southwest US. She is in the East Coast. I had to go back there for 3 months during the pandemic to help her out when she fell and broke a couple of bones in her back. She was so demanding and unreasonable I told her before I left that I will never go there to take care of her again. I will hire people for 3 shifts if necessary. She is A LOT.
About a year ago she had a septic infection in a knee replacement and was in the hospital, then a rehab facility for 3 months. She was going to try to stay at her house with her godchild (56) taking care of her. She had a port and had to receive an antibiotic at a certain time every day. The godchild was trained at the hospital on how to do that. My mother was so non-compliant and demanding that her godchild lasted 48 hours before calling me and then the hospital to have my mother taken back to the hospital; then into rehab.
She refuses to speak to her goddaughter now.
She has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and is doing well on the medication.
Today she told me she has gone to the lawyer and had her will changed again. Specifically to make sure my daughter is excluded from any cash she would have received and has added a codicil that I cannot sell or give the house to my daughter. No one wants her house. It needs around $50,000 in repairs and renovations. My daughter is very happy in her current home.
So now, I inherit everything, minus specific cash amounts to my other daughter and my granddaughters (which is to be given to them when they turn 25.).
Obviously I will give my daughter the cash she was originally to receive. The viciousness in my mother’s voice was nauseating to me. She actually thinks I will “adhere to her request” that my daughter not be allowed in her house ever or at the wake. She rewrote her obituary and excluded my daughter and granddaughters. Then she told me not to even have a wake or put her obituary in the newspaper because no one in the family gets along and it will be a battle zone. I am close with everyone except my sister. Even then, I would never see my sister in need and not help her out.
I’ve been crying on & off all night and just needed to vent. I am 66 years old with a disabling spinal condition. The last thing I need is this obnoxious hatred flowing my way.
So if they are giving a trophy for toxic beyond the grave mothers, I’d like to nominate my mother for first prize. Thanks to anyone who reads this.

I am writing from a throwaway account as hubby knows my reddit and I don't wanna get into a taxing argument.
This is something that has been bothering me since I have gotten married. I (29f) got married last year. Just recently celebrated my anniversary. Ours is a love marriage with complete acceptance from both sides. Like there was not a single objection at any point yet my MIL has often commented how she wanted a "gharelu bahu" and have even told me about a few girls she was hoping to get my husband married to if he would not have "brought me". In the last 1 year i have tried my best to maintain a good relationship and peace, but it always irritates me how my MIL is always making casual comments about me. Her fav topic being my clothes. Here are few incidents:
2 weeks post my marriage I was at my parent's place and they have invited my in laws for a puja. As soon as my MIL arrived her 1st qns was why am i not properly dressed for puja. I was wearing a beautiful silk suit with choodi, mangalsutra and everything. The suit was gifted to me by my mom for the puja. My MIL didn't stop making comments about how I should be wearing a saree for puja now that i am married until I changed into a saree. My husband understood that I was angry as I changed into the heaviest possible saree and refused to talk more than required.
She commented once again when I came back home with 2 new suits gifted to me by my mom that what will I do with this as I should wear saree for atleast some time. This was 1 month after marriage.
We went to a temple 4-5 days after my wedding and my MIL made me wear a banarasi saree, dupatta on head, necklace, mangtika and kamarbandh. We had to park our car and walk for 4 kms. She was aware of this and still didn't allow me to wear anything light as I am newly wed and should look like that. I was scared of someone snatching my jewelry entire time.
In the market my SIL was buying some artificial earrings and I was looking at it with her. When my husband told me to pick something and he will buy it for me my MIL loudly proclaimed i don't need this as married women should only wear real jewelry and this is for young girls. (My SIL is only two years younger than me). My hubs still bought it for me and was visibly annoyed with her as he saw such a behavior from her for the first time. She had made similar comments whenever I have bought artificial stuff even later, once even picking up few things from my basket and giving it to her daughter stating it looks better on young girls. (again am not 50 years older)
Days i have been wearing suits at home she had made me change into a saree when a guest has come over. i got annoyed to the point that once I started wearing it regularly she started telling me not to do that as everyone was commenting why am I suddenly wearing saree everyday. She doesn't want anyone especially my husband get the impression that she asks me to wear saree. I know this because every time she asked me to change into saree she ensured I was alone and then loudly proclaimed in front of my husband and FIL" arre itna taiyar hone ki kya zarurat thi. suit acha to tha"
Me and hubs live in another city, MIL video calls often. She made a ruckus when I was wearing a tshirt on a day there was a puja at her home and then called me and told me to change into a saree bindi and all as she wants me to VC again to talk to all relatives present and wants all her relatives to see that i dress properly.
My SIL came to stay with us for few months, MIL saw me on a VC and told me that I should not wear lowers and dresses at home and should instead wear clothes that should give an impression to others that i am her bhabhi. " nanad aur bhabhi ek jaisi lagegi to kisi ko pta kaise chalega ki kaun bhabhi hai". My husband found out about this and was extremely embarrassed on his mother's behalf.
Told me not to keep my hair open in any function or puja as it is not right. My SIL is allowed to keep her hair down.
Before someone makes any assumptions let me clarify that I have never worn western clothings in presence of my in laws. Like my MIL doesn't even like kurta sets without dupattas so I always make sure to carry a dupatta. She has commented how and why I have clothes without dupatta as according to her no one sells clothes like this. her own daughter wears legging kurta often.
I am not the kind of person who picks fights or makes rude remarks but all this really irritates me. Initially i never minded her video calling but now it irritates me because I know she would make a comment on something related to my appearance even if its 6 am or 11 pm. My husband gets irritated too but he is the kind of guy who doesn't want to say anything to his mom to maintain peace. He just tries to pacify me by sympathizing which frankly irritates me even more. like how would he feel if my mother starts insisting that he be dressed in formals or kurtas every time she sees him?? How do i manage this situation? Need advise from an Indian in law dynamics POV.
Anyways that was my rant!

Before you judge, hear me out. My baby’s father is constantly fat shaming my mother and whole family. The majority of my family have conflict with him but I still don’t think it’s appropriate for him to be calling my family fat, ugly and “pigged body” especially because he’s overweight himself. I have also faught with his parents but never physically insulted them like he does to my family.
Yesterday via text he mentioned how gorgeous our baby boy is. He then added that he’s way cuter than my cousin’s daughter who I’m close with. She is 4 years old and I thought that was extremely inappropriate. There was literally no reason to bring her up in the conversation. I don’t know if he does this to bother me or if he’s that comfortable sharing his stupid thoughts with me.
Today when he picked me up, I found the opportunity to give him a taste of his own medicine. We were talking about putting our son in modeling and that’s when I said “honestly my baby is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen. Cuter than celebrity babies and your little sister”. He was totally caught off guard and said “omg poor Jade” I forgot what else he said but i think it was somewhere along the lines of that not being so nice. He then continued with he’s cuter than your cousins daughter, what do you think? I said they were about the same, eventually answering his question that my baby is cuter but my cousins daughter Layla was still very pretty. I told him that if he can bring up Layla I can bring up his sister Jade. He then tried to justify himself saying that because my cousin is a bitch. In my head I was like “so we’re gonna bully her daughter because you don’t like my cousin???”. He also brought up that Jade is tanned so it’s worse to slander her (WTF??). I said that’s BS and there was a long awkward pause. He then opened his mouth to say “poor Jade”. I continued and said no offense but my child doesn’t compare to her when she was a baby.
So obviously I did it to prove a point although I didn’t tell him “now do you know how that feels?” He’s such an ass that it wouldn’t have made it effective if I would’ve told him that I didn’t mean it. Although I’ve had bad experiences with his parents and little sister, I am pretty much friendly with them and the whole family. I don’t have problems with his other siblings while he has problems with the majority of my family. So I’m guessing he thinks because of this it’s okay to insult my family but it’s not okay to insult his. I want to add that his little sister is 10 and he said he was going to tell her. He said it in a joking manner but he doesn’t have too much common sense and tells his family everything so I’m sure he will mention it to his parents, older sisters and even Jade. I know this will create tensions with his family and I feel sour even having to say my son is cuter than Jade when she was a baby but I’ve had enough of him picking on my family especially a four year old little girl. I’ve told him many times to stop calling my mother fat and he just won’t stop, so now I will have to use his little sister to hurt him and hopefully get through to him. Am I justified in doing this?

Hi, once again, I'm a mother of 2 and my 9 year old's grades are skyrocketing, all her grades ranging up from 90-96. (She has 96 on science! 💓) her overall average is around 93.33 since her Math, Filipino and somehow English held her down, she got 90 on the first 2 and 92 on math.
But my 7 year old unfortunately has been getting lower grades, with her highest grade being only 87 and her overall average being 88%. She's been glued to her father's phone recently so I told my husband not to let her use the phone like it's her own.
My husband agreed very easily since he wasn't a very moody man. I decided to teach my daughter myself, and I used the tips i found on YouTube for how to teach a child properly.
I'm not sure if my teaching helped her however, since she's been just dozing off whenever I tried to teach her proper basic grammar, some filipino, and basic maths.
What should I do to let her focus more? Does she lack discipline or should I just let this slide since she's quite young and can just get a higher grade in the future?

This was about a year ago. I was walking out of the local wal-mart with a few groceries. There was a Girl Scout there 7-8 years old selling cookies. Mom wasn’t there.
Some very disheveled old red hat wearing boomer was leaning over the table yelling at the GS. He was going on about how could a mother allow her daughter to associate with a group that advocates for killing babies. The little girl is sobbing loudly.
Mom comes back from the rest room I motion for her to step back. I gently push the boomer back off the table and step in between him and the little girl. He was shorter than me and I’m an intimating looking fellow (shaved head, big beard and I dress like a biker / redneck. I put my nose to his as he was looking up at me and said very quietly “it’s time to go and if you don’t want to I’d LOVE to drag you to your car”. Btw he smelled like a mixture of booze, cigs and $hit.
He never said a word and did the old guy speed shuffle back to his beater and drove away quickly.
The mom thanked me but the little girl said she was still scared. I got one of my business cards out and handed it to the little girl. I told her I’d be her bodyguard and if she ever needed me I was but a phone call away. Ok, now mom is crying. She insisted on buying me a six pack (I don’t drink) so I said a box of thin mints would be sufficient.

I female 49 had been seeing a friend male 59 on and off for about 10 years. This last month we had a falling out and I was staying at his home with him when he decided to kick me out over disagreement about dinner. He told me I needed to be out that day I did not argue I just went to the process of gathering up everything that I had there. And when I was almost done I had gotten to the bedside table on my side of the bed and that is where I had kept my vibrating toys that's where I had stored them since I had moved in there and I had not removed them from that drawer in that time Now In the past I'd had a problems with his granddaughter who lived with him, coming into our room and going through my stuff and taking whatever she chose, and granted I was a little bit suspicious that it was her but didn't believe that it was I didn't make sense she's only 13 so in my mind that was out it couldn't have been her. that's what I thought in my mind. So decided to ask my friend about them, if he had seen them, maybe he is had put them somewhere or I possibly even thrown them out just to spite me. you never know. people do silly stuff like that when things falls apart like that. and tbh I didn't put it past him but I figured I'd ask. He said he hadn't seen them and I believed him, and really I didn't want to fight with him either way I just wanted to get out of there. So I gathered everything and left.
But about a week later I was waiting for a check that had been sent to his house by mistake and so he said he would bring my check to me. Wellb that morning he had told me over text that he found my vibrating toys back in that drawer where they were supposed to be the week before but were missing when I left the week before. so I asked him to bring them too when he came out to me and he said he would. But later when he went to leave his house to bring my stuff to me he went to the drawer where they were that morning and they were gone yet again! even though a few hours before they were there. He just scratched his head and left to bring me my check without bringing the toys cuz he could find them. So when he got out to me he gave me my check and I asked him about the toys. he said that they had disappeared again. I commented that that was strange. shrugged it off thinking that you know something innocent had happened to them. But again letting it go because wasn't worth a fight with him. then the following week I had texted him early monday morning telling him that I had sent something to his granddaughter through the mail and to let her mother know to keep an eye out for it because it was on his way. He said he wouldn't then in the exchange that morning he informed me that his daughter-in-law had found my toys in her daughter's bedroom in her drawers and had thrown them away.
Me not thinking about the cost of them at the time or replacing them at that moment of the morning I laughed and said yeah kids will do that kind of stuff and we all did stuff like that when we were young and we both laughed about it, and about how embarrassing it must have been for his daughter-in-law to have had to have pulled those out of here her daughter's drawer and talk to her about what she had found in her drawers.. Not a situation I would want to be in and thankful it was not me. We said our good buys and went about our day.
But as the day progressed I thought I can't afford to replace those I don't have the money to replace them and I'm not the one that is responsible for me not having them. And I had paid for them initially they were my property and they were stolen from me. But yet I was going to have to be responsible to replace them if I didn't confront them about this and I knew this was going to be an awkward conversation but I knew it had to be done I saw no way around it. Because really the petty in me could not let this go So knowing that this awkward conversation was coming and going head first into it because there was no other way to approach it. I texted him and said "hey you know I got thinking about what happened with my toys. I believed that her parents should be responsible for replacing my property she stole."
Now I raised five children on my own, by myself and I'm not going to lie to you, my children stole many many times and if I could not return what they had stolen I paid for it out of my own pocket no matter what it took away from my children because that's what you do. you are financially responsible for your children until they become of age when they can do that for themselves it's just the way it is.
But I asked him if they were going to replace my toys that their child had taken from me because I thought it was only fair I shouldn't have to replace what their child took from me especially something that expensive. and his response was "well I'll ask her about it" and I said "okay I'm looking up how much it's going to be to replace them online I will let you know approximately how much it is" one was like 90 or so dollars the other one was about 30 and so I informed him of this. No knowing than this man was a bully I was sort of expecting what came next but it was still hard to stand My ground with him probably for the first time in 10 years. he asked me if I was going to pay him back for the money that I owed him. now over 10 years that man had either given me money straight out, borrowed me money which I paid back, or had me work for money that he given me. I don't have a clue how much probably thousands but for the most part we came to an agreement in that moment the money was exchanged how it and would be delt with. But never once in 10 years did he honestly really believe that I owed him money and he told me this many many times. But me being the subservient always felt like I had to make sure that he was aware that I felt like I owed him for everything and he had done for me so over those 10 years I had told him that I told him over and over thank you so much you don't know how much you've helped me I owe you more than you know and more than I'll ever be able to pay back. And again two weeks before our meltdown and me leaving his house I had borrowed $50 from him and that following Friday I paid him back $100 because of staying with him and he wasn't taking rent from me so I figured you give him a little bit extra money back for letting me borrow it, hoping he would see that I did appreciate what he did for me. And I think in that moment he had forgotten that I had paid him back already and wanted to use that $50 and believe me again to letting this go but my pattieness just wouldn't let it go. One because I know I was right and two because I didn't want let him bully me into anything else ever I needed to stand My ground for me. And yes over those 10 years many times money came up missing out of his room and he had wrongfully assumed that it was me. I didn't want to fight with him I knew I was right and hadn't taken the money and so it wasn't worth it to me to have to defend myself it's something that I knew I had not done. But in keeping quiet and letting him assume that about me, and me not having the backbone or the self-confidence to just stand up to him and say no I didn't do it. It damaged our friendship because he couldn't come to me and ask me nor did he believe what I said because he wanted to believe what he wanted to believe about me and that's the way he was no matter how blue in the face I was in trying to convince him otherwise with no proof ever to back what he believed. He just wanted to believe I was a bad person so he did. But in that moment we both realized that it was probably his granddaughter stealing from him when he was assuming it was me but neither one of us voiced it I knew he wouldn't because he wouldn't admit he was wrong and I didn't want to climb a hill and fight a fight that I didn't have to choosing your battles as a smart thing sometimes. But I did ask him how much he thought I owed him and He said he didn't have a clue I said I didn't either but that I thought we were close to even. So at that moment I took the air out of a sales and he was no longer able to continue trying to bully into dropping my complaint about her stealing my stuff and then replacing it. ButI stood my ground, shaking terribly, glad we were on the phone and said "I never stole any money from you you only believed what you wanted to believe about me and I let you because it was easier than the confrontations. But your granddaughter stole from me and all I'm asking is that her parents be responsible for what their daughter had done. because that's what a responsible parent would do" and after a few minutes I could tell he was Realizing that I was right and that he couldn't get me to back down I'm principles alone I was right. So he did eventually agree with me that her parents should be responsible for making restitution for her crimes. Which caused me to let out the breath I was holding waiting for another fight with him and glad that I didn't have to go there. But almost immediately after agreeing with me he still wanted to be right and still wanted me to feel less than him so he decided to put his little two cents in about a couple of hoodies that had disappeared about the time that I left his house and he wanted to know where they were saying in such a way that he was accusing me of taking it from him. Knowing I was not responsible and my conscience was clear and that I had not taken anything of his from that home when I left that was not mine, I stood my ground,shaking still,I just responded "you know my bet would be that if you went through your children's and your grandchildren's stuff you would find both of them in there" but chose not to go any further because it wasn't worth it I just wanted to be done with this conversation with him. Had to take him a few minutes to respond bBut eventually he did agree that that's probably where he would find them. And I told him to have her let me know what they were going to do about the whole situation and we said our goodbyes. And as of yet I have not heard from her and I'm going to reach out in a couple days and see if you know they're going to step up or if they're going to be chicken s**** like they have been for the past 10 years my guess is the later but I'm hoping for the former we'll see what happens but I'll post an update on here when something happens. But I want to know if I am the a****** for wanting them to replace what their child stole from me. Or if I should just let it go and move on with my life? that petty part of my brain just really doesn't want to let this go because of everything that they put me through makes while staying there at their home because I didn't have the self-confidence or the backbone to stop it while it happened in the first place . But to be perfectly honest it's not about the money or replacing my toys it's about doing right by that child and showing her life better than this that she's currently in. this has been going on with this child for as long as I've known them 10 years and they have turned a blind eye and let her do this over and over and over never giving her any consequences except when they're confronted and asked to repay what she had damaged stolen but only then and if she was able to get away with it nothing was ever done. this child hell every child deserves better they deserves better by their parents grandparents she deserves better by everyone who is supposed to be there for her but unfortunately I get most cases the person that we should be showing them a better way is taking an easy way out themselves and neglecting to show their children how much better life could be when you walk with your head held high and with a little bit of pride and ethics and morals which is severely lacking in our world these days. This child's parents want her to sit down shut up and only be speak when spoken too and to achieve this they have decided to put her on medication for a defiant disorder that she does not have in order to control her chemically instead of actually being a responsible parent and teaching her right from wrong by leading by example and living a decent life. living by the Golden rule.
And even though my Petty side says I don't care . The part of me with morals and ethics wants to know am I the a hole for pursuing this? Or should I let it go like everybody else in the world seems to be doing lately when something like this happens cuz we all see it. Has our society has become morally bankrupt and ethically nullified? Is there no Young generation out there who wants to stand up and be accountable for their own actions and be the decent person live by that Golden rule or have we screwed them all up who is our neglect because we're so addicted to the instant gratification world we have surrounded ourselves with?

It all started when he threatened to hit me in January 2022. The car of my mother, who is financially unstable and has fallen into the habit of asking for money to family and friends, broke and she asked me to give her the money. I said to her I would give her a portion of it, so she went to my grandmother and then, my brother's wife at the time, agreed to give her the remaining third.
I was frustrated about it and since then I've established quite strict limits toward her. But I do not like to dwell on it and hence the topic was closed. The same applies to my grandmother. Then, that day, a beautiful day when my grandmother and I were going through her childhood photo albums, he arrived with his daughter who is 3 years old, and started complaining about our mother. At some point, done with his complaints and seeing him exposing his child to such a conversation, I asked 'Why are you so affected, from what I know you've never given her money? Or have you?'. I asked in case I was wrong. And in fact, he never has. He then stood up, came to me and said 'Because you are here for a couple of days, otherwise I would hit you in the face'.
My grandmother defended him and asked me to shut up. He never apologised. Since then it is as if something clicked in my mind and body and I just can't get myself to be in the same room as him. When someone opens the house doors and I feel it is him, my heart starts to race and my body starts to sweat.
I used to call him brother and little brother, even though he is nine years older than me, but now I can hardly call him by his name. And as this is quite violent, I don't call him directly. He stopped saying hi to me after that, and has never been a brother who reached out to ask if I was okay, which is rather painful especially because I've lived in another country - that is just 2 hours and a half away by plane - for ten years and he never wrote to ask if I was okay let alone came to visit once.
He has also been quite terrible toward our mother, who is definitely not best in class, yet that is just the way she is. He is a forty-year old man, it feels like it's a bit too late for him not to transcend his pain and create more pain and separation in the family for everybody.
I'm going to be in the same city as my family's for a few months and I will see him whether I like it or not, because I want to see my niece.
I just don't know how to handle this situation. I don't want him in my life, I don't want that treatment and feeling those emotions, but I also need a way to address him somehow so that my behaviour doesn't make things worse.

BM and DH follow each other on Facebook. This happened recently when we started our small business, she wanted to share our posts so she followed, which I'm OK with. No problem at all.
In the beginning, she was HC but now 6 years later, she has moved on and got over DH. She is now basically no conflict. They share joint custody and have stuck to the schedule for the last 5+ years. They only talk during exchanges which is briefly and only about SD12. SD has her own phone so most communications from each parent is directly through her.
We also are pleasant when we see each other but in the beginning she was made my life difficult with custody so I will never forget that.
Anyways, I have access to DH Facebook, which he is not too active on and mostly posts our business. Today BM shared and reposted someone's post that said, "Next month is Father's Day. What are you getting your baby daddy?" She replied, "My daughter."
I am a little annoyed that she has to mention DH at all. She did this several years ago when they were going through their custody battle in court and implied on a FB post that she was a single mother and she wasn't gonna wish DH a happy Father's Day when in reality they had joint custody.
I don't know if she was trying to be funny in today's post, but I took it as though she is implying as if he doesn't see her often and she is allowing SD to be with him?
I'm probably trippin, but what do you guys think? Also want to add that this community has helped me tremendously throughout the years so I thank you all.

I'd never thought I end up like her. There was this girl I met when I was 23 and we went out clubbing to celebrate her bday. My cousin said, "if she acts crazy it's because she's hurting. Her parents never approved of her bf so she had to leave him because they came from different social classes. She might start crying suddenly after she drinks too much and fall drunk."
About four years ago, I met him at a wedding and he had long hair, tattoos and everything and he was nice to me. He smoked and we clicked. We were both into each-other and liked the other. We made plans to celebrate Halloween and I was going to dress up as Selena Quintanilla and he was going to be Chris Perez with the long hair but that never happened. We went on a few dates before family found I was dating him. I was in love with him. All hell broke loose when my mom found out I was dating him. My dad was diagnosed with cancer that year and I didn't want to tell him I was dating him. My mom told me, "You're going to kill your father if he sees you with that guy. He is no good for you. and he will NEVER be allowed in this house or within our family."
I now 30F still cry thinking about this. I didn't want to cause any drama I've always been such a good daughter and "good girl." I never once rebelled because I didn't want to worry my parents. He kept reaching out to me and I would make excuses and we never celebrated Halloween together. He kept trying to find out what was wrong and it was excuse after excuse. I didn't want to tell him the truth and hurt him. Until he finally grew tired of chasing me. Now he has a gf but he deleted me off social media. I understand him. My parents want me to date only men they approve of because they are worried about me. And they want me to get married and I am so sick of it! The guy they kept pushing down my throat- who my mom said was perfect for me- was recently arrested by the FBI. I through a fit and told my mom off. "you never wanted me with the other but you wanted me with that convict. Don't judge a book by its cover"
I keep rejecting every single man that tries to get to know me. I've tried to like them but I don't feel anything. I think I am broken. I keep this idea in my head "if it's not with him, it wont be with anyone else." Everyone that meets me always wants me to date their sons because I seem like such a "good woman." I am tired of this image. I don't like being touched by men. Now I keep a tequila bottle in my room. I don't even like to drink but recently I've been drinking to numb myself. But sometimes I get tipsy and want to call him but I forgot I don't have his number and I'd never do that. And I cry sometimes at night like every other night. I need small distractions to keep myself distracted at time.
I don't know if this will be my life. I can't develop feelings for others. What is wrong with me?

Gu Malayalam Movie Review
Manu Radhakrishnan’s latest movie, Gu, produced by Maniyanpilla Raju, is an exciting mix of horror and family drama that will keep you entertained. Gu takes the usual scary movie ideas and makes them fresh and interesting.The story is about Sai, his wife Nimisha, and their daughter Minna. They go to Sai’s old family house to do some rituals. Sai doesn’t really want to go back because his mother died there when he was a kid. Once they get there, spooky things start to happen, and the movie shows how the family deals with these supernatural events.
Sai is a character who believes in science, which makes the story more interesting as it mixes scientific ideas with ghostly happenings. The movie talks about Gulikan, a character often seen as funny, and gives it a new twist in the horror setting, which is a fresh idea.
The movie looks great, thanks to the beautiful visuals by Chandrakanth Madhavan and Srik Warrier. The bright colors add a lot to the story. The music also adds to the excitement, even though it might remind you of other famous scores.
Deva Nandha, who plays Minna, brings lots of energy to her role. Saiju Kurup, who plays Sai, does a great job showing a man torn between science and the supernatural. Niranj Maniyanpilla Raju, playing the funny uncle Mithran, adds humor to the story, making it even more enjoyable. The rest of the cast, including Maniyanpilla Raju, Aswathi Manoharan, and Nandini Gopalakrishnan, also do a good job.
Gu is 126 minutes long and keeps you interested the whole time. The movie’s unique take on Gulikan makes it stand out from other horror films. The surprising twist at the end ties everything together nicely.
Gu is a fun and exciting movie that mixes traditional horror with new ideas. With great direction by Manu Radhakrishnan, a talented cast, and stunning visuals, Gu is a must-watch for horror fans and anyone looking for a good movie. It’s a fun ride that you won’t forget.

Before you judge, hear me out. My baby’s father is constantly fat shaming my mother and whole family. The majority of my family have conflict with him but I still don’t think it’s appropriate for him to be calling my family fat, ugly and “pigged body” especially because he’s overweight himself. I have also faught with his parents but never physically insulted them like he does to my family.
The reason I’m making this post is because yesterday via text he mentioned how gorgeous our baby boy is. He then added that he’s way cuter than my cousin’s daughter who I’m close with. She is 4 years old and I thought that was extremely inappropriate. There was literally no reason to bring her up in the conversation. I don’t know if he does this to bother me or if he’s that comfortable sharing his stupid thoughts with me.
Today when he picked me up to go shopping I found the opportunity to give him a taste of his own medicine. We were talking about putting our son in modeling and that’s when I said “honestly my baby is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen. Cuter than celebrity babies and your little sister”. He was totally caught off guard and said “omg poor Jade” I forgot what else he said but i think it was somewhere along the lines of that not being so nice. He then continued with he’s cuter than your cousins daughter, what do you think? I said they were about the same, eventually answering his question that my baby is cuter but my cousins daughter Layla was still very pretty. I told him that if he can bring up Layla I can bring up his sister Jade. He then tried to justify himself saying that because my cousin is a bitch. In my head I was like “so we’re gonna bully her daughter because you don’t like my cousin???”. He also brought up that Jade is darker than Layla so it’s worse to slander her (so stupid). I said that’s BS and there’s was a long awkward pause. He then opened his mouth to say “poor Jade”. I continued and said no offense but my child doesn’t compare to her when she was a baby.
So obviously I did it to prove a point although I didn’t tell him “now do you know how that feels?” He’s such an ass that it wouldn’t have made it effective if I would’ve told him that I didn’t mean it. Although I’ve had bad experiences with his parents and little sister, I am pretty much friendly with them and the whole family. I don’t have problems with his other siblings while he has problems with the majority of my family. So I’m guessing that because of this it’s okay to insult my family but it’s not okay to insult his. I want to add that his little sister is 10 and he said he was going to tell her. He said it in a joking manner but he doesn’t have too much common sense and tells his family everything so I’m sure he will mention it to his parents, older sisters and even Jade, his little sister. I know this will create tensions with his family and I feel sour even having to say my son is cuter than Jade when she was a baby but I’ve had enough of him picking on my family especially a four year old little girl. I’ve told him many times to stop calling my mother fat and he just won’t stop, so now I will have to use his little sister to hurt him and hopefully get through to him. Am I an asshole?

We live in a small apartment where the noise isolation seems to be not very good. Our downstairs neighbors used to wake up their daughter every morning by shouting her name repeatedly which would wake us up but wouldn't last too long.
Since more than a month between 6 and 7 in the morning a very loud alarm goes off repeatedly. It rings for about 5 minutes and repeats after 10 minutes cycling about 4-5 times a day. We wrote in the group chat of the apartment that this is not very nice and if they can at least lower the volume of the alarm. The mother replied by saying that her daughter needs to get used to waking up by herself and they cannot lower the volume.
After this, for about a week it wasn't that bad. The alarm would go off once and even though this was enough to wake us up we could go back to sleep. Things started to get worse again and she snoozes her alarm again. They also have a dog while it's not allowed to have one in the apartment because it might be noisy but ironically we almost never hear the dog.
My partner (who speaks German) wants to keep it peaceful so he will not say anything else to them. I am very sensitive with my sleep and my whole day gets ruined. I don't speak German very well yet and they are Swiss people who also know the other neighbors better. Is there anything I can do in this matter apart from moving out?
TLDR: Neighbor has a super loud alarm that rings for about an hour every morning at 6, waking us up and they will not change their habit.

Hi ladies,
43 in peri since 35ish and I have sadly gained 40 pounds in three years.
I grew up in one of the most unhealthy body image environments and yet I never had issues. I was a professional ballet dancer until my early 20’s and I lost two friends to anorexia. My mother was very controlling of my weight and she used to hold up photos of me and point out how much more beautiful I was when I was five pounds lighter. I remained undeterred and had a healthy relationship with my diet and body. Until now …
Seeing all the damage body issues caused for so many years, I used to help my girlfriends love themselves more and feel confident and beautiful just as they are. Why can’t I do that for myself today?
In recent months, I’ve started to feel more like myself again. My heavy weight training has had clear results and my medications for peri are helping a lot as well as my more protein focused diet. I’ve honestly felt happier and more confident than I have in over two years. Yesterday a dear friend visited me with her daughter and we went to the park and took lovely photos. When she sent them to me in the evening, I became completely disgusted with how I looked and the shame follows me into the morning. In the mirror, I look alright - but ugh, don’t ever take photos of me please. And that’s sad - I should want to capture memories as I’ve done in the past. My mother has no photos from the last 20 years of her life, I don’t want that for myself.
I never realized how different my life was due to my nice appearance & I feel the difference now. I’m OK with it, but the small things start to bother me. My girlfriends no longer say “I look great” when we see each other and I notice them and other acquaintances scanning my body and noting the changes. It hurts & I feel punished for the confidence I had in my youth.
Objectively I look good for my age and I should be happy with it - I’m sure in 10 years I will want to slap myself for how I feel now, but I can’t help it. I know I’m not going to be as beautiful as I was when I was 28, but I’d like to appreciate what I do have presently.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Any advice for loving myself as I am now? Does it just take time?
Thank-you!

I don't even know where to start. At the moment I am just feeling so confused and angry.
The planning of my wedding with my fiance has begun early enough. I was so nervous and wanted to plan and finish everything early. Everyone calmed me down and told me that we have enough time left.
I asked around and requested offers for decoration, for the venue, food etc. Again, everyone told me they had it under control. My FIL took over the venue, my fiance and I decided on the menue. It wasn't that much to think about but still, I wanted it done.
I was deciding on which offer I should take for the decoration of the restaurant we chose. My Mum's best friend which also happens to be our neighbour said she would do that and decorate for me since it would be a lot less expensive. I said that it was fine as long as she was sure she could do it. So we started looking at decoration online and I ordered everything she told me to order. I also told her that money doesn't matter I would rather have more of something than not enough. She said that it would be enough and to order just as she said. I did and told her that it his her responsibility now and she has to take the lead. She agreed and also told me that she know of a great florist where she can get all the flowers from and that she would organise vases for them too. I let her do her job.
Turns out she didn't do her job. She called me twi days ago and asked me if I ordered any flowers and vases. Immediately I was angry because she told me she would do it. And now months have passed and nothing happened? I stayed calm and told her that I didn't do any of that. The wedding was 4 days away at that point. She then said it would be fine and she'd do that the same day.
She also told me my Mum has been crying because I wouldn't follow any of the traditions of our home country. Like that the groom and his family come with multiple cars to pick me up at our place etc. Turns out my FIL spoke with my fiance about this and my fiance said he would organise that. He didn't. I never knew about it because my Mum hasn't said anything to me. I didn't even know about this tradition until she screamed it at me over the phone while I was at work.
I then started to organise this (while at work) because the wedding was 3 days away. I ordered everything and too much of it I'm sure but I didn't care. My Mum has been picking and scolding me for the last 4 days and every day she found something different that hasn't been taken care of and she blames it all on me. I literally don't understand if it's really my fault that the flowers weren't order, that the vases haven't been purchased, that the tablecloths I was told to order weren't long enough, that I didn't have any idea about the tradition of being picked up. Is it my fault?
Last night I finally burst. I cried and screamed at my Mum when she came into my room and told me that "I would even tell you all of this if your FIL was here" reffering to the scolding and how everything is my fault. I started crying and told her to not speak to me like that when I'm getting married in just 3 days and I'm emotional anyways. I told her that how could she tell me stuff like that and get angry with ME when it wasn't MY job to order and organise everything. I asked her how could she swear at ME when I didn't know that they would come pick me up until yesterday. I asked her how she could seriously tell me (more than once) that I srewed up and cause 100 problems for HER to fix. Of course she denied she ever talked to me like that. (She's been like this my whole life, denying everything and putting herself in the place of the victim.)
During my breakdown my mother was on the phone with my older sister (27F) who wanted to show us things she had left from her own wedding a few years ago. She heard my cries and tried to calm me down saying how she knows exactly how I feel. When she was getting married my mother and her whole family told my sister to have her wedding dress shortened by a friend/neighbour of our uncle. My sister was hesitant and would've rather did it professionally but my Mum somehow convinced her. Everyone told my sister that the woman does her job right etc, Well, guess what, She fucked up massively. And everyone turned on MY SISTER and told her it was her own fault and she should've let it done professionally. Including my mother.
I understand that she gets me and knows how I feel, but it doesn't help me. I just couldn't listen to any more bullshit about how everything is my fault from my mother.
I went to my room to cry and she eventually came in to swear at me even more. I totally screamed at her and asked her if she even listens. If she even listened to any word I said? If she even listened to any fucking word SHE said to me? Does she listen to herself? How could she deny literally everything? She then got up and said she would get her phone to prove to me she didn't say any of those things. I literally just screamed at the top of my lungs at how ridiculous she was. She wanted to get PROVE that she was in the right? Against her own daughter who is about to get MARRIED? I couldn't believe my ears.
It didn't even matter if she was in the right or if I was. I just got so hurt because she thought whe has to prove to me and everyone that ma feelings and the things I said are wrong.
I just picked up a random hoodie and stormed out of the house and ran into the woods nearby. When I found a spot I sat there crying and bawling my eyes out for almost 3 hours. It was cold and raining but I just didn't care.
My little sister (16F) texted me asking where I was and if she could help me in any way. She heared the whole screaming contest at home but didn't interfere. I ignored her and everyone else (my mother didn0t even try to call or text me).
I got home after it got dark. Our neighbour was in our living room planning something, actually doing the job she said she would do months ago. I didn't care. I didn't spare her or anyone else a look and went straight to my room and to sleep.
I definitely got a little sick from being out in the cold yesterday and my eyes were never this puffy from crying so much.
Please, I just want my wedding day to be good and drama free. But I just know I cannot look my mother in the eyes in 2 days because of how angry I am at her. How do I calm down? What do I do? Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR: I am getting married in 2 days and stuff hasn't been organised by the people who said they would do it. Now my mother has been telling me for days how everything is my fault and that I caused every problem. How do I calm down and ignore her continuing scolding?