Poems for deceased loved ones

So I’ve posted an update before in this group and have another one for you all.
My PA partner has (since that last update) has been close to 4 weeks clean of porn usage and I’m just so so so proud of him. While I know this is only the start, I’ve noticed a significant change in him. I can’t quite explain the change in words, since none of you know our relationship but there has been a change.
Some changes worth noting: - his interactions with me have been more frequent (intimacy inside and outside of the bedroom) - his mental head space has become more clear - he’s seemed a lot happier - he definitely seems less stressed and more relaxed overall
To say I’m proud of him is an understatement. Like I mentioned above, I know this is only the beginning, but it’s steps in the write direction. We have been very open and honest with one another, his communication skills have skyrocketed, and he’s been more willing - and actually very open - to having conversations about his progress and how he’s feeling over the last few weeks. It’s helped with my own healing along with journaling, on this path.
I will say I still have my worries, but communication between my partner and I has been our biggest hurdle. Though with our recent conversations and discussions, and with him being very open about his recovery, it’s been extremely calming to my mind. I’be put a lot of trust in him, and I’m very happy that my trust hasn’t been taken advantage of.
So for anyone in my same situation, just give it time. Give your love, patience and support to your partner and yourself. Everyone’s journey is different, but it’s important to remember to take care of yourself. I love you all! You’ve got this!

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/MajorArtist340 posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Medium
Original - 21st December 2023
Update1 - 8th January 2024
Update2 - 24th February 2024
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1 New Update
Update3 - 8th May 2024
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AITAH for not offering to pay for my husband and his kids leading him to spend all his savings?
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For a while now my husband, John, has been getting more and more angry over little things and generally moody and distant. I had finally had enough and approached him about separation.
This conversation led to a big blow out and him revealing the state of his finances. My husband and I have always kept our finances separate. Also although we call each other husband and wife and had a wedding we are not actually legally married. This was primarily for inheritance purposes because we each have older children from previous relationships.
Anyway John revealed that he had basically no savings left. That all the money he had saved for retirement and for his kids schooling was gone. Furthermore he said it was all my fault since he used all his savings up to try and keep up with my lifestyle.
There was never anything crazy in terms of bills or anything like that and we always split it all equally. The house we live in I own outright as well, so there wasn’t a mortgage payment.
However I have always liked to travel a lot on fairly extravagant vacations. I would invite John or John and his children to join on trips, but never made them feel like they had to come. That’s said he was expected to pay for himself and for his kids. Except for recently he accepted every invitation.
I would also give my kids things he considered “extravagant”, but I considered “normal”. So he felt like he had to give similar things to his own kids.
John said with all the spending to keep up his savings dwindled very fast. I expressed that I couldn’t understand how or why he would spend all he had when he knew he couldn’t afford it. He said it was like keeping up with the Joneses only worse because it was at home so he couldn’t block it out. John thinks since I knew his job I should have had a basic understanding of his finances and realizes this wasn’t a lifestyle he could maintain. That the kind thing would have been to offer to pay for the trips and other things instead of dangle them in front of his and his kids faces.
Looking back I probably could have realized that this spending didn’t make sense for his salary, but I wasn’t thinking about it. I don’t think it was my responsibility to keep his finances in mind here. We had agreed from the beginning to keep our finances separate so to me that means paying for things separately.
Edit. We do not live in a state with common law marriage
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Comments
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sessamo
Info: How old are both of you, and do you have any children together? I'm getting the vibe that y'all are a mature couple and just not communicating very well.

OOP: I’m 44. He’s 53. We don’t have any children together.

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CaptainSensemakerOi
NTA John blew through his finances all on his own and that because his fragile ego couldn’t deal with you having more money than him.
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Vegetable-Cod-2340
Exactly, if he’s capable of complaining about it now, one wonders why he couldn't say anything then. There's something so cringe about an adult unable to take responsibility for their own choices.
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Kittenfabstodes
ESH. This wasn't a marriage, this was roommates with benefits.
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Kooky-Today-3172
ESH- John should have ended your marriage way earlier. He can't keep with your lifestyle and would horrible and Very unfair to subject his children in a life where half of the family goes on fancy vacations regurlaly and the other stay home. He should have been honest way earlier before his savings drained and ended the marriage. You should have more awareness of your partner's struggled. How do you share a life with someone and don't realize this things?

OOP: He paid for things without any hint that he was struggling. I assume his attitude change was when things started to get really bad and I did ask what was wrong, but he would just say things were fine or say he was upset about some little thing like the dishes not being put away.
With how things are now it’s hard to talk in present tense. I loved him. For me it just feels like it would be wrong for my money and assets to go to anyone other than my kids given. For him well I don’t really need any inheritance, so it just makes the most sense for it to have gone to his children. For restaurants we’ve always just taken turns paying.

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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 18 days later
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After reading all the comments on my first post I realized I needed more time to think about things. I also thought with the situation how it was it would be best that we spend the holidays apart to avoid and controversy. He wasn't a fan of the idea, but I eventually got him to agree to go.
Last week things settled down so we met up to have a more detailed discussion about the state of his finances. A few more things were revealed. I found out that he had lost his job earlier this year and didn't tell me. He got a new job in October, but he went over 4 months without one while pretending he still had one. During that time he only got a small amount of money from unemployment, so he started putting everything on his credit cards. His new job doesn't pay as much as his old one so he hasn't been able to pay more than the minimum towards his debts which are now substantial.
I feel like if he had just brought up all these issues earlier this could have been avoided or we could have worked something out. Now I really just feel like I can't trust him. I can't trust him with money and I can't trust him not to hide things from me. I just can't see going back and trying to make things work him at this point. Since he doesn't have a place to take all their things I've agreed to store their stuff in my garage until he gets more settled. Which means I won't be able to make as clean of a break as I would like right now, but for the most part it's over.
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Comments
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WillSayAnything

I found out that he had lost his job earlier this year and didn't tell me. He got a new job in October, but he went over 4 months without one while pretending he still had one.

I will never understand this logic. This is an immediate relationship killer as it should be. I would never be able to trust a partner who goes this route. Someone else commented and I agree. If you can afford it, I'd put their belongings in a storage unit. That way he doesn't get complacent and your garage isn't full of junk.
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Update - 6 weeks later
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I liked the suggestion I was given when last posted of paying for a storage unit for their things for a few months. My ex however did not agree to it. He said it would make things too difficult because the closest storage location was too far out of the way. It definitely felt like he was still trying to cling to things.
Since I couldn’t get a storage unit in his name without his approval I talked to a friend, who is a lawyer, about the situation. He helped me right up a notice that told him that he had 30 days notice to get their things or they will be disposed of. After 30 days notice was up he still had only picked up a few things.
I ended up calling his ex and asked her if she or their kids wanted anything before I got rid of it all. Well, they had been left in the complete dark about our relationship being over. My ex had been lying to them saying I was sick and then he was sick with Covid and that’s why they hadn’t been able to come over. I’m was not at all surprised this point. I figured she didn’t know about the rest of it either and told her. She is livid. Especially about the money for their kids education since it was part of their divorce agreement.
Anyway the kids all got what they wanted and I had a charity come and pick up the rest. It feels a lot better now that there is a completely clean break. Yes I have gotten the locks changed and blocked his number. Since there is no reason for me to have contact with him anymore this is probably the last time I’ll be posting.
I think I’m there future I will probably look for more transparency when it comes to financials in any serious future relationships. With how much he was lying I can only imagine what else he may have been lying about. Had I known more I don’t think he would have been able to hide things. I am just so grateful and relieved that I was able protect myself and my children.
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Comments
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SnooWords4839
I'm glad you called his ex. Well, nice to know he didn't just lie to you.
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Old-Afternoon2459
Sounds like he’s a liar. He lied to you, his ex, his kids, and maybe even himself. It also sounds like he can’t accept responsibility for anything, attempts to blame others and then keep lying to cover his tracks. Congratulations on not legally marrying this guy.
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BeulahPierce
There was no partnership in his eyes, only competition. I’m happy you are able to now move and and heal from this nonsense. I hope his kids had no ill will towards you.
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**New Update*\*
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UPDATE 3: AITAH for not offering to pay for my husband and his kids leading him to spend all his savings? - 10 weeks later
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I know I said that that would be my last update. It’s not really necessary for me to make another, but now I’m kind of using this as a form of journaling which I’ve found cathartic. The previous posts are all under my username.
I only had one run in with my ex since the last incident. He came to my house. I only spoke to him through the camera. He asked about getting his things. I told him that I had already got rid of everything as I had warned him, but that his kids had taken some things. I also told him he needed to leave and to not come back. Surprisingly he didn’t make a big fuss about it. He just said okay and that he was sorry for bothering me before he left, but he did look very tired so maybe that’s why.
I have not seen him since and apparently his ex and his kids haven’t heard from him in all this time either. This update had more to do with them than my ex actually. His ex contacted me to ask about him. She wanted to know if I had heard from him or had his new contact information. His phone is apparently no longer in service. I told her how I hadn’t had any contact with his since the aforementioned visit.
She also asked if she and I could meet up for coffee and talk. I declined because honestly I couldn’t think of a reason for us to meet up. Though I did offer to pass on any info about him if I heard anything.
She apparently wanted to talk to me about helping her pay for her eldest child’s (who is now a senior in highschool) education next year. She also subtly implied there was some fault on my part for their lacks of funds. I rather cowardly told her I would think about it and ended the call.
To be honest I feel like it’s an unfair position she’s putting me in. The main reason being that her children don’t seem to care for me. We got along alright while I was with their dad. However since I ended things with him it has been complete silence from them. I did try to reach out to them to see if they were okay. They never responded. Even when they came over to get their things they ignored me and my youngest. However I did get a message after the call with their mom about how she missed me. The timing though just makes it seem sort of like manipulation to get money out of me.
Edit. I have since blocked all of them.
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Comments
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Broad-Discipline2360
NTA I wouldn't give them a penny. Idk what the laws look like in your country, but I know that if you start, sometimes it can become your responsibility because you set a precedent. Keep staying away from that circus. Edit to add: Your ex husband's bad financial planning IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Don't let her guilt you into that nonsense.
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Snowybird60
I was thinking the same thing. How the hell is it he lied about losing his job, lied about spending his savings on these vacations eyc...when he could have just not gone. Or idk, TALKED TO HIS WIFE???Now it's supposed to be OPs responsibility to put his kids through school?? Yeah, fuck that.
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PrideofCapetown
Unless OP somehow magicked her ex’s sperm into his ex’s uterus, there is no way, shape or form OP is responsible for anything related to either of them or their children. Literally not OP’s monkey, not her circus. She should block them all
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

IMO Israel is fighting against an entire religion, not just a religious group. Till Islam exists, there’s always going to be one or the other group of “Islamists” against the idea and existence of Israel. Even more so now.
Even if we assume the most idealistic scenario where all of Hamas operatives are wiped out without many civilian casualties and a peaceful governing body is established to rebuild Gaza. As much as I support the right to exist as the only Jewish state, this war seems pointless in the long run. Israel is fighting a war that they cannot win?!
The way most Gazans celebrated Oct 7 and cheered civilian hostages and rapes and murders, it is pretty evident that something is rotten within the consciousness of millions of people that cannot be “treated” not matter how many wars are fought.
I am not attacking the religion nor I want the discussion to be about Islam or its teachings. I am simply pointing out that any real long term solution has to include educating people to think beyond what they are taught. And it has to come from within the community. I have seen very few pro-peace Arabs on X pointing out atrocities of Hamas against its own people (eg @afalkhatib), it is a tiny tiny fraction of what’s needed for any meaningful change. On the other end, far more Jews are calling for Bibi to step down openly within Israel and across the world. You cannot be pro-Palestine and not explicitly and unequivocally oppose Hamas.
I would love to hear any counter arguments on any viable long term solution and where this current war fits into the larger picture of this conflict and the region as a whole.

Hello! I’m a loyal, soft hearted, guy. I have many hopes and dreams. I love life and I love living it. Even in the lowest of lows, I like to think positively, keeping my chin up. I like to consider myself pretty chill. :) I don’t care about politics, I like fun. I’m somewhat clingy and might be a bit overly loving ._. I’ve been referred to as a golden retriever multiple times for this fact. mmm I like to play games (only the good ones) and learn/experience new things! :D I enjoy cooking/baking. I can make really good spaghetti and then blueberry muffins for dessert :3 I have a deep passion for art. Good art. Art that can speak volumes, quite important to me.
On to uhh what I’m looking for. :) Currently I’m looking for someone around my age. Someone nice, understanding, chill… a good personality. Personality is what matters to me the most. that’s basically all that matters to me in a relationship. Why is that so hard to find ._. Please be someone like that.
Did I miss something? I don’t know ._. I’m a fully open book so feel free to message me, ask me anything! if you’re interested! Hopefully we can talk soon :3

I’ve been struggling on and off with EDs for around 4.5 years and recently, a series of things have caused me to relapse. One of the main things is that I feel invisible when I am not thin enough. Skinny privilege is so real and it runs deep in my family. I also feel like being thinner is what makes me more attractive but I can never just eat what I want anymore because I’m scared. Over that past years I have had to avoid looking at myself naked and I just wish to love myself. This has also caused me to feel insecure and start issues w my bf where ik it’s unreasonable because I just need constant validation that he won’t love me less if I gain weight. I feel hopeless and think that if I get a little smaller, maybe some of these issues will be gone. This just feels like the way to go (even though I know it’s not and that more problems can occur and that I should love my body regardless) except now I constantly feel tired, drowsy, and sad. There’s really no meaning to this post but I just needed to let it out. Feel free to join me in venting. Thank you for reading <3

I was chatting some 4 months with a Mexican astrophysicist, like you do. We had good chemistry, but he decided Sofia, Bulgaria and Leicester, UK, was too long distance. I liked the guy, but at the same time I felt like I was dodging a bullet - he was depressed, and had a slight cruel streak, things like deliberately leaving me on read whenever I expressed feelings or opinions he apparently didn't approve of. While I was moping around at work, licking the puncture wounds on my pride, my QA and best friend (I work customer support) told me to shut it and just go out on Tinder.
Now, without context, this is gonna sound like bragging, but I am a Scandi in Bulgaria, and here on the Balkans, my blue eyes seem to be the bee's knees. So I match with everyone and their fucking aunts on OLD. I'm nothing spectacular - I look OK for my age and am cute rather than pretty, but definitely more a 6 than a 7. But yes, a lot of completely random matches, and most of them low effort. It has stressed me out before, to the point I don't even try to go on dates. I know this is a luxury problem, but it has still been a problem - guys here just want me to be their novelty Scandi toy, basically.
But I don't want to live the rest of my life alone, so what the f. I downloaded the app, uploaded some recent, not too good pics to dissuade the creeps. Started swiping. Matching left and right, chatting to people. An ayurvedic vegan baker, a Turkish fellow customer support guy ten years younger, some hot single dads, a cute Italian guy. Nothing that really hit it off, but plenty to work on.
And 8 hours in, at the end of the slow workday, I match with a really hot guy. Tinder shows him way outside my radius, but he is so hot, and I am already regretting this whole endeavor, so right swipe, wtf, I don't care.
And after 20+ messages of "hi" (if I didn't manage to write first, I always try to compliment something in the first message - I'm not a fan of having the guy write first, this is a dual enterprise after all), this guy writes the funniest, dumb, deadbeat message, alluding to my profile ("I used to be young and promising" among other things I wrote there) and I just laugh out loud. Which I tell him. Since then, we just let all pretenses fall. We just started to be ourselves. He tried to joke ask me to marry him on like the fifth message, but accidentally wrote "norry me", so I told him that norry him I will.
We soon realize we share so much: picking mushrooms up the mountains is life, money comes and goes, generall no fucks given attitude to life - we can even compare the bombings we survived. I was a medical aid volunteer in Ukraine, he lived in Belgrade when NATO bombed them (he still found the bombings legitimate, his fellow countrymen were smack in the middle of genocide). We both lost most in war, and came to the same conclusion: now is all we have.
We managed to chat 3 days before I just hopped on a bus, crossed the border to Serbia, and met up with him. I overslept, was so broke I couldn't afford to buy a bottle of water, didn't even have time to shave or shower, had to spend my last cash on a taxi to the bus station, I forgot my toothbrush (he remembered to bring one for me, but promptly forgot his own), and I wasn't even nervous. I just knew. For the first time in a very long time (I come from ten years of a loveless, abusive marriage), I felt that I hadn't lost my potential to love. Later, he told me this was exactly his feeling too.
We almost made out at the bus stop - I just saw him and felt "there he is, my man" and we spent the weekend having the best sex of my life (it wasn't advanced or anything, it just felt 100% right and there was such a trust between us, we could laugh even when things went wrong, as they are bound to), drinking beer in the park, cooking and feeding each other all the homemade stuff we had brought, and climbing up a mountain hunting morels. When I was about to leave, he filled my empty pack of cigarettes with his homerolled ones. A perfect first date. Yeah, you can see why I have had trouble finding someone previously ...
Since then, we have been virtually inseparable. Video chats every night, every weekend I hop on the bus, he has applied for a new passport so he can come over, and we are planning on moving to Spain or Portugal, where I can easily pick up work. The norrying part is going to happen too, even though none of us actually believe in marriage, but we need to fix him some EU recidency. (My idea, not his, he is definitely not a reverse passport bro.)
Currently on the bus there with a kilo of Ukrainian pyroshki, russian spicy carrot salad and some Georgian chacha (think grappa) I managed to shake down from a friend, and a lot of other goodies. He scored some elusive mountain cheese and weed from friends of friends yesterday. I will bring my Ukrainian fermented cucumbers.
Does it all sound like we're crazy? Yes, we certainly are. Will it work out? I have no idea. But so many people I see in this sub are risk averse to the point of not seeing the person beyond the potential red flags. Life is short though, and at our age, it is even shorter. I don't see how I could lose on this - I can sure imagine us go separate ways, amicably, some 10 years from now due to whatever, life I guess, but does it matter? If I can have one, or ten, or maybe even the rest of my life with this batshit crazy, hot, funny guy, I won't regret it.
I just wanted to share an inspirational (or deterrent, depening on your vantage point) story that goes against all the good advice on this forum, because I want you all to remember there is no right or wrong way to do this. If it hits, go with it - it might all go to dust, but still.
I will end this with a quote from my favorite poet, Anne Sexton. Don't forget this, please, in your quest for love:
"Love? Be it man. Be it woman. It must be a wave you want to glide in on, give your body to it, give your laugh to it, give, when the gravelly sand takes you, your tears to the land. To love another is something like prayer and can't be planned, you just fall into its arms because your belief undoes your disbelief."

I will be going to the French Rivera early August for the first time ever with my mom, to celebrate my birthday :)
I have about a week to explore the coast, but want your opinions on what’s a must to see vs. ok to skip. For context, my mom and I love exploring and seeing unique things. My mom’s a little bit on the heavier side so I don’t mind paying extra for Ubers or tours if it means we get to see more (we don’t feel comfortable driving)!
I was planning on staying 4 days in nice, 3 days Cannes, and perhaps 2 Monaco before flying back to NYC.
During our stay in Nice we wanted to explore other parts of the Rivera! What’s worth it? 1) eze looks beautiful & is a must - do you recommend self exploration from nice or booking a tour? 2) menton I heard is a gem. Can I see both eze and menton in one day? What is there to do that I shouldn’t miss while visiting? 3) verdon gorge - worth it? Not sure how to get there besides a tour but would like actual time to be in the water 4) st tropez I think I’ll skip this time around since I feel like it’s more of a young & party vibe 5) Antibes? What to do there?
Anything else I am missing? Please help!

hey there,
first, let me say: i am normally a pretty easygoing person, but recently i have been so stressed and upset, feeling like ive been going crazy for the past three years. ok also i know this is long and stuff but id really appreciate it if someone could hear me out.
age: 20
sex: female
race: hispanic/white
height: 155 cm, 5'1
weight: 114 lbs
meds: emgality injection monthly, vyvanse 40 mg for concentration issues (started after all of this mess, but a family history of adhd with my father, brother, and sister
current diagnoses: conversion disordefnd, fibromyalgia (dawg okay more on this later cause huh... i was diagnosed with not one, but both of these prior to any ordered tests (INCLUDING BLOODWORK??) more on these later. otherwise, doctor initially said "oh youre just coming out of a mono infection" (from the first few times blood was drawn, see above) and i was like "ok cool makes sense" - i was 17, mono's common in teenagers (ok bruh ive never kissed anyone and i know its stereotypical but i think its kinda a funny detail). second time i asked the pcp about the tired/unchanging serology findings, he said the same thing, so.
life stuff: biochemistry student (I LOVE BIOCHEM SM, ive been into it since i was a teenager and this whole mess has robbed me of what i could be doing (ideally reading and teaching all day), and it's upsetting among other things.) good grades cause i love what i do, stable friendships, no issues in school. chillin for the most part as i try to manage but its been hard recently.
previous medical history: tonsillectomy at age 8 due to recurring tonsilitis (unknown etiology: whether bacterial/viral, and why it kept recurring in me specifically rather than my siblings of a similar age/same environment.) migraines(?) since the age of around 9 - no aura or nausea, an ice-pick sensation, and not on one side either. father had migraines too, same as me, as he got older he was prescribed morphine for them. he went blind (unknown why, i think suspected eales disease was on his medical records) when he was 20 - woke up one day and couldnt see. a corrective surgery repaired this. he died of a glioblastoma at 51. also random but hyperreflexia (patellar) since i was a kid too, doctor made a joke about me kicking him, never went away.
please hear me when i say, i do not have any forms of health anxiety (i just really like research). i have unrelated ocd, for which i have not experienced any relapsing episodes since i was around 15. i am not in fear of any diagnoses given my medical history or my fathers, but i feel like im going nuts. i say yknow, i can manage this, if i have fnd the prognosis is promising, but i know its not right. i wonder if its all in my head, and if the bloodwork and symptoms ive had have all been psychological.
tests: (all show same/non-changing results over the span of almost three years. no, i didnt get blood work drawn 3 years ago and then again yesterday, but multiple times over this time frame, same thing every time.)
high autolymphocyte # (3.2-3.4 x 10E3/mL)
EBV VCA IgG: >600 units/mL
EBV EBNA-1 IgG: >600 units/mL
EBV VCA IgM: <36 units/mL
i have some suspicions about what these results mean (and the research has been so incredibly interesting and enjoyable, i wonder constantly what we are missing with such a common infectious agent.) but i want to see if anyone else has seen anything similar.
onset: fatigue, brain fog, pins and needles have persisted for years since the start of all this (3 years ago), but weird symptoms are more sudden? initial covid vaccination, doctors said i caught mono (no tonsils, no evidence of active EBV infection) and that was the cause of the fatigue. no covid infection until after this, and was asymptomatic for covid.
current symptoms: extreme fatigue;
brain fog (sometimes forgetting train of thought and just slower speed relative to how it was before); feelings of pins and needles in hands and feet sometimes radiating up my legs;
vision loss(?) (blurriness in left eye and non-lazy eye, cant tell whats up with the right if anything since its always been kinda sucky). i try to ignore it and pass it off as nothing but it just feels off, i distract myself but its still there even when i dont actively notice it.
overall bad coordination, normal walking; muscle twitching thats moreso just annoying; stiff muscles (for example, like it feels like my hands wont close or like i cant feel my fingers--i know i can move them like tell them to move they just feel like loose(??));
feeling of burning sensation on body; weird sensation of tinging down the spine especially with a head movement (i was drifting off asleep thinking about chemistry and it woke me and i was like yikes wtf is that)
heat intolerance: when i first got the fibro diagnosis, i was like ykw lets try a hot bath that helps right? when i got out my muscles were so stiff it was so hard to move and i was like wtf. i first noticed rhe blurry vision in the heat and thought nothing of it but i get really tired when its hot and just uncomfortable and stiff.
slight shakiness in hands: both hands, just very minor shakiness and stiffness that's there too. in my left hand, my pinky and ring finger kinda waver back and forth, but thats kinda it, dunno if im looking too deep into it.
mood swings: normally my mood is decently stable and im pretty content and passionate about my interests, but i get irritable quickly, or quicker than usual. especially with the most recent neurology appointment, ive been extremely angry, hurt, and frustrated.
bladder issues: . this was also when i had some bladder issues, urgency and stuff, weak urination stream, burning sensation after. started waking up in the middle of the night which never happened before. sometimes like i feel my muscles contract WHILE IM TRYING TO PEE BROOOOO LIKE DONT DO THIS TO ME RN. i think idk maybe im pee shy (in my own apartment??) and start singing the periodic table song in my head but its been like this for years. a little bit comes out and thats about it. sometimes i get up multiple times within the same hour for nothing to come out and it just kinda hurts.
okay, in april i went to my doctor cause i thought everything was going ok and maybe i wasnt sick at all, but i feel a burning pain in my muscles. im really irritated cause im like bruh theres so much i want to do but this fucking sucks all the time. he told me it was fibromyalgia before running any tests or ruling anything out. i literally told him yeah it burns and feels weird but idk im not a doctor. i get so frustrated i speak to my neurology np, who refers me to a movement specialist. first question she asks me is if im anxious, to which i respond no. she sees the fibro diagnosis on my chart, and i tell her yeah i was diagnosed before he ran the blood tests, and does two tests: she asks me to tap my fingers in a rhythmic pattern (like, 433121) and a different pattern on the other hand. now im extremely uncoordinated which is why i sucked at piano and picked up singing instead. i noticed a couple times when she asked me to pick up the pace, i couldnt (eyes were closed) figure out which finger was which, and as i increased the pace id start using the wrong finger? like instead of my middle, id use my pinky(?) or another finger despite cognitively knowing the pattern i was to follow. i couldnt do two hands with diff motions at once. she asks me to do the same with my feet, same sort of issue there. without ordering any tests (or asking about my bloodwork), an mri, or another referral, she diagnoses me with conversion disorder and says neuropsychiatry deals with it. because of the sudden onset and the way my symptoms didnt align with an organic neurological disorder, its likely this. but the onset wasnt really sudden, its been going on for years. she didnt address my weird vision issues and bladder problems or the fatigue. idk man.
am i tweaking? could somehow, idk. im just so confused is all. same blood tests for three years, same time frame when ive felt like shit. im genuinely tweaking, idk if its worth pushing for more doctors. i know someones gonna see fnd/conversion disorder + fibromyalgia + ocd and just think oop shes 20 in college high functioning it must be anxiety/psychological. trust me ive considered that outcome but its just, i dont know it doesnt feel right. im really tired, i keep telling myself idk maybe its anxiety and i need to resolve my issues but i just, i dont know. i think im kinda going crazy. i know fnd is rule-in (on paper anyway), but the way that neurologist didnt even do the standard neuro exam i just find it weird.

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Wow not having to go to class really hits hard. I'm laying in bed right now reflecting on all of the lessons I've learned, friends I've loved, mistakes I've made, my successes, my failures, and the fear and excitement of a new chapter, among other things.
I've loved this school. I wouldn't trade my time here for anything in the world. I was going to type up this long elaborate message. But the one thing I want incoming freshmen (or anyone for that matter) to know is to just go up and talk to people.
I know that's wayyyy easier said than done most times. But this is the time where everyone expects to meet people, especially freshman year. Looking back, going up to people and trying to get to know them, in many settings, was scary until I actually did it. Whether or not it went anywhere, I felt accomplished by trying. I had a lot of social anxiety early on in college, and having the mindset that everyone is an NPC so might as well just go up to them and see what happens or what kind of side quest appears helped a lot. I made a lot of friends doing this.
I know how lonely freshman year can be. Talking to people can be scary, but I PROMISE that it will lead to good things. Friends, networking, maybe someone who you think is cute, someone who may be in a cool club you never would have heard of without going up to them, the possibilities are endless.
College is about establishing and maintaining relationships just as much as it is about academics. Often the two go hand in hand.
That's my one piece of advice. I have many others but this one clears in terms of importance. Go out, introduce yourself, embarass yourself, because maybe someone else needs a friend too.
I love yall. Enjoy it. Go hokies.

Yes, I am fully anticipating I will get troll/joke downvotes.
Now, i'm not referring to political or otherwise sensitive opinions, those types of opinion are pretty well known for getting people quite defensive, i'm referring to comments explaining simple tastes, like "I like bananas" or "I like my hair tied in a ponytail". Harmless subjective opinions.
Say, there's a meme post called "I think we can all agree that yellow is the best color known to mankind". You comment "i must be the only one here who prefers red lol". On Twitter, this type of comment would get not much engagement, maybe a few likes, but nothing beyond that because this is a stupid thing to get worked up about. But on Reddit, you'd get like 20 downvotes and 2 comments with upvotes bullying you for your preference. All for stating a simple subjective opinion.
Yes, i'm aware the stakes aren't that high and this isn't too big of a deal, hence why i'm posting on this subreddit, but it's still wrong? Someone's going of their way to disrespect your opinion for no reason, they are committing immoral actions, and whether or not i'm tolerant to it, it's still not something I support nor condone, and I still won't ultimately find Reddit a good place to share opinions. It's just one of many things that remind me that Reddit is a website reserved for the majority, an echo chamber if you will.
One could make the argument that if upvoting is "I agree", then downvote means "I disagree" and as a result it's perfectly fine. Ignoring Reddiquette begging to differ, I'd agree with that claim... if downvoting isn't mostly used as a sign of disrespect. Downvoting has been used since it's inception to target trolls, spam, misinformation, or otherwise low quality posts, as a sign "hey, your post is low quality and sucks.". But as a result, Redditors have grown to subconsciously view downvoting as a sign of disrespect, rather than just "I respect your opinion but I beg to differ", hence why a lot of the time when you're downvoted for a simple opinion, there are comments bullying you for your opinion that are upvoted. If it was just people simply saying they disagree, i'd love that, but unfortunately that just isn't the case.

Hey there!
Thanks for checking out my post! I'm a 27 year old dude living in New Zealand. It's hard making friends as a big kid but here I am trying! My best? Probably not. Still trying though? You bet.
So about me: I'm a makeup artist by trade, dog parent to a smooth haired fox terrier, an INFJ if that kinda thing floats your goat, dark lord successor to Sauron, and a big ol nerd. I like horror and fantasy everything, with a sprinkle of sci fi here and there - video games, movies etc etc. I like MMOs, survival horror games, RPGs. A big fan of horror movies and if you have any obscure ones you don't think I'll know, I'd love to hear them! Other interests of mine are MTG, drawing, listening to music, desperately trying to keep my dying pot plants alive, conjuring some dark outer god and trying to become the immortal hivemind ruler of the galaxy.
Not necessarily looking for a gaming buddy despite being a gamer, more so looking for people to talk to and get to know who have some similar interests. Also not huge on voice chatting either, but gaming and VC aren't off the table once I've known you for a while.
If any of what I've said has ticked a box or two for you, feel free to send me a message! Please just be 18+ and LGBT friendly, thanks!

Hey there!
Thanks for checking out my post! I'm a 27 year old dude living in New Zealand. It's hard making friends as a big kid but here I am trying! My best? Probably not. Still trying though? You bet.
So about me: I'm a makeup artist by trade, dog parent to a smooth haired fox terrier, an INFJ if that kinda thing floats your goat, dark lord successor to Sauron, and a big ol nerd. I like horror and fantasy everything, with a sprinkle of sci fi here and there - video games, movies etc etc. I like MMOs, survival horror games, RPGs. A big fan of horror movies and if you have any obscure ones you don't think I'll know, I'd love to hear them! Other interests of mine are MTG, drawing, listening to music, desperately trying to keep my dying pot plants alive, conjuring some dark outer god and trying to become the immortal hivemind ruler of the galaxy.
Not necessarily looking for a gaming buddy despite being a gamer, more so looking for people to talk to and get to know who have some similar interests. Also not huge on voice chatting either, but gaming and VC aren't off the table once I've known you for a while.
If any of what I've said has ticked a box or two for you, feel free to send me a message! Please just be 18+ and LGBT friendly, thanks!

Hey there!
Thanks for checking out my post! I'm a 27 year old dude living in New Zealand. It's hard making friends as a big kid but here I am trying! My best? Probably not. Still trying though? You bet.
So about me: I'm a makeup artist by trade, dog parent to a smooth haired fox terrier, an INFJ if that kinda thing floats your goat, dark lord successor to Sauron, and a big ol nerd. I like horror and fantasy everything, with a sprinkle of sci fi here and there - video games, movies etc etc. I like MMOs, survival horror games, RPGs. A big fan of horror movies and if you have any obscure ones you don't think I'll know, I'd love to hear them! Other interests of mine are MTG, drawing, listening to music, desperately trying to keep my dying pot plants alive, conjuring some dark outer god and trying to become the immortal hivemind ruler of the galaxy.
Not necessarily looking for a gaming buddy despite being a gamer, more so looking for people to talk to and get to know who have some similar interests. Also not huge on voice chatting either, but gaming and VC aren't off the table once I've known you for a while.
If any of what I've said has ticked a box or two for you, feel free to send me a message! Please just be 18+ and LGBT friendly, thanks!

Hey there!
Thanks for checking out my post! I'm a 27 year old dude living in New Zealand. It's hard making friends as a big kid but here I am trying! My best? Probably not. Still trying though? You bet.
So about me: I'm a makeup artist by trade, dog parent to a smooth haired fox terrier, an INFJ if that kinda thing floats your goat, dark lord successor to Sauron, and a big ol nerd. I like horror and fantasy everything, with a sprinkle of sci fi here and there - video games, movies etc etc. I like MMOs, survival horror games, RPGs. A big fan of horror movies and if you have any obscure ones you don't think I'll know, I'd love to hear them! Other interests of mine are MTG, drawing, listening to music, desperately trying to keep my dying pot plants alive, conjuring some dark outer god and trying to become the immortal hivemind ruler of the galaxy.
Not necessarily looking for a gaming buddy despite being a gamer, more so looking for people to talk to and get to know who have some similar interests. Also not huge on voice chatting either, but gaming and VC aren't off the table once I've known you for a while.
If any of what I've said has ticked a box or two for you, feel free to send me a message! Please just be 18+ and LGBT friendly, thanks!

Hey there!
Thanks for checking out my post! I'm a 27 year old dude living in New Zealand. It's hard making friends as a big kid but here I am trying! My best? Probably not. Still trying though? You bet.
So about me: I'm a makeup artist by trade, dog parent to a smooth haired fox terrier, an INFJ if that kinda thing floats your goat, dark lord successor to Sauron, and a big ol nerd. I like horror and fantasy everything, with a sprinkle of sci fi here and there - video games, movies etc etc. I like MMOs, survival horror games, RPGs. A big fan of horror movies and if you have any obscure ones you don't think I'll know, I'd love to hear them! Other interests of mine are MTG, drawing, listening to music, desperately trying to keep my dying pot plants alive, conjuring some dark outer god and trying to become the immortal hivemind ruler of the galaxy.
Not necessarily looking for a gaming buddy despite being a gamer, more so looking for people to talk to and get to know who have some similar interests. Also not huge on voice chatting either, but gaming and VC aren't off the table once I've known you for a while.
If any of what I've said has ticked a box or two for you, feel free to send me a message! Please just be 18+ and LGBT friendly, thanks!

He’s quickly became one of my favorite producers and I’d love to be able to make similar sounding tunes. It seems like his sound is heavily focused around a killer low end, as well as trap drum patterns and glitchy vocals. I don’t think I’ve seen any tutorials for this style of bass music, so if any exist I don’t know about I’d be very grateful!

There's a lot of good information for this scattered throughout the comments on dozens of individual posts. I thought it'd be nice to have a dedicated thread for it, and if the mods think it's a good idea, we can sticky it.
In any event, my own insights are below, and I'll happily update it to add other people's contributions to the body if we get a sticky.

• There are three distinct phases to a blurtra run. Survival, Setup, and Maintenance. I'll split my post into sections accordingly.

GENERAL TIPS
Item Quality is God. There is no problem so bad that it can't be solved by having better equipment.
Hero.keyword and allitem.thing are also God. Don't let these rarities pass you by.
Assess equipment allotment per fight, not per hero. It's OK to take a toy away from somebody who uses it well, if you're giving it to somebody who needs it to be effective against that basilisk.
It doesn't matter how fragile you are if you never get hit. Once your build really comes online, the monsters will probably never roll another die.
If you're using the Force array, get a red or blue hero asap. You won't get any mana/spell curses until you do so, and they will be very low impact on your party so you want them in the mix.
Never quit. No matter how bad things look, see the fight through. You might surprise yourself with a clever workaround, or you might just luck out and roll exactly what you need to finish the loop and pick up a blessing that eases your rough position.
SURVIVAL
Your first 100-160 fights or so are best approached individually. This is where most of your runs will probably fail, and you should keep your focus on short term benefits. Which curse hurts your current team the least? Which blessing will help the most in this loop?
The conventional wisdom is "never gamble" and it is sound advice. But during this phase of your run if you genuinely think both curses are likely to tank you, I actually endorse the random button. You don't have a lot of time invested right now, so this the time to risk it all.
Perceptive and Versatile are both amazing long term investments and are never a bad choice, but the odds are good you have something better to pick from for this loop.
Damaged monsters, reduced monster hp, Hunt, and most monster.spirit blessings are some of the best ways to make your runs more comfortable.
Think carefully on Boss Smash or anything that improves your spells. If they make things easier for you now, great, but you should fully expect to lose the benefits of both eventually.
Additional heroes are always great to have, but I tend to shy away from L1 heroes or the Coffin at this point in the game. T3 and especially T4+ heroes can be major clinchers, and a large party deprives you of those opportunities.
Watch out for Heavy or Slippery dice. They may seem like a small sacrifice now, but they'll be a major albatross when you have a large party later on.
SETUP
This phase might end at fight 300 or stretch all the way to 666.
At this stage you've hopefully got enough power that very few fights are stressful, and you've managed to string together a good group of blessings that synergize, so you've got a particular direction to push for when you choose modifiers. You still need to think about your choices, and you always check what's on the field for your next fight before you lock in your equipment choices and start rolling.
No more gambling. This includes items! Even a level 30+ random item could be a mashup that includes some cursed item that ruins a hero. If there's nothing attractive, take something useless rather than a risk. That goes double for curses. You've come to far to let it all get ruined by spider soul or single kill or an infinite spawning loop. Accept that you'll have some nasty setbacks. You should be able to work around them.
You have two main goals now: double down on your primary strength, and look for ways to shore up your weaknesses.
Stacking up Bone Math is a popular strategy for good reason, and it makes it easy to flood the field with enemies who end up doing you more good than harm.
If you've taken Cataclysm, maybe you're focused on death immunity, shields, poison immunity and other survival tricks.
If you've been saddled with several cursed blanks, this might be where you shrug them all off by taking Reliable.
By this point you've also likely identified one or two bosses that still pose a major threat to you. Maybe it's Hexia, maybe it's Inevitable--who am I kidding? It's definitely Inevitable. At any rate, here is where you can focus on finding the silver bullet for that boss so you can stop worrying.
Perceptive and Versatile are HUGE here. One single blessing of those can negate an entire loop worth of curses or more, and if you can keep them at a high value, you will always be able to pick the exact tool you need during the rewards phase.
MAINTENANCE
You've almost made it! You've crossed every real hurdle and all that's left is to not make a dumb mistake and lose it all. You've rendered entire categories of curses irrelevant, and in the vast majority of cases are winning every fight before the monsters get a chance to act. You probably have a small army of heroes so you can designate one or two as party gimps who wear all your cursed items while everyone else does the work, and you have so much permanent gear that you no longer care what anybody's basic dice look like.
Stay focused. You've earned your place on the leader board but you still need to cross the finish line, and one distracted decision can take it away from you. There are countless cautionary tales on this sub from players who took an ill-fated curse gamble, or went into a final boss fight without their titan bane. One poor bugger took a bones-on-death generated curse that didn't exclude bones. My own worst loss was caused by taking a poorly chosen blessing that ruined a build that was otherwise a sure thing.
Take breaks, play when you feel like it and don't just slog through or you just might make a nasty misstep.
Above all, have fun and come tell us your stories. We love to hear it, win or lose.

Nobody sees value in me. Nothing about me excites the people I care about. They don't miss me when I am not there and don't look forward to having me around. I'm just the obligation, a burden, because they don't have the heart to tell me to leave them alone.
One of my friends I have never had a conversation with. Known her for years and have spent thousands of hours with her. But our conversations are through other people instead of to each other. Never do we talk to each other just for the sake of our own relationship. How worthless I am that after so long of knowing a person they barely consider me a friend and don't even recognize or acknowledge that time or efforts.
But it's my fault. I mean, all of them don't like me, not really. I struggle to talk, especially if I can't see them in person or without something to do mutually. But I am always the third wheel, last to be invited (though appreciative of it nonetheless) or just never wanted, so that's the place I stay. I give them what they want. They don't want to engage with me so I stay quiet. Who can blame them. But I do try, sometimes when I have extra energy especially, but I feel I have been rejected so many times that I don't know what to say anymore. That my interests never elicit a response, whether expressing my own interests or showing my interest in them. Having to watch them engage so vibrantly with people that they have spent so much less time with hurts me. I feel lost.
See, I think I am a great person. I'm smart enough (as well as dumb enough, ha!), I like to chill, I like to be active, I can be engrossed in many things. I have a lot of interests. But I've also spent decades in near isolation. I've learned that life only has meaning when shared. I want to experience life with my friends, my family. I want them to want to share life with me, too. To make memories while we can; to relax, have fun, have our things together. And even have our things separate. As such, it has resulted in underdeveloped interests. Afterall, I find next to no joy in anything I do unless I can share it with somebody I care about. But that's the paradox, right? Who would want to share their own interests with somebody that hasn't developed to the same degree. People want to share equally, not have to "teach" somebody. Even though I find that aspect fun, I guess other people don't.
But if nobody wants that with me, then it's me, right? I am the problem fully. I must not be a great person. I must not be interesting. I must be worthless.
I appreciate when they do talk to me; one in particular does so strongly, but he does it with everybody, even people he hates. So what am I to him? But I love the engagement anyway. In some ways, I suppose, I am also starved. But I love it genuinely nonetheless. Because I have had such a lack, I know to appreciate what I do get. But starvation is starvation - at some point it catches up.
I think they are honest with me, but I sometimes struggle so hard to believe them. Because I miss them so much despite how not far away they are. People that have had so much time with each other I don't think can truly understand how sad I am to not have it. To not be worth making that jump. None of us can reverse time and aging; that they want to be on their own makes sense and yet I feel a sense of loss. Because if I was better, if I was more interesting, if I was something, then they would want to see me. They would want to do things with me regularly. Establish something frequent. Not out of obligation, but out of desire.
And so, despite thinking I have a lot to offer, clearly I don't. I understand life's timings; sometimes things diverge for awhile. But it feels like I missed out on so much when they were being active and I just can't stop thinking about why I was never good enough; and why now, I still am not good enough to even talk to. To type to. To follow through for.
And if personal relations aren't enough, fuck the rest of the world. The job market. Me making choices that were meant to help me, but due to the job market and intersection with personal relations, I feel so utterly worthless and defeated.
I am so tired.
I feel so alone.
And unfortunately, I am a person where loneliness isn't stymied by "people" - it is the right people, the people I care about, that remove the loneliness. Nothing else matters to me. Yes, I work on it on my own, too. There is a lot I am OK with on my own. I get I am my own person, too. But without them, there is nothing left. My dog is dead. My biological family is not a family I have contact with. Loneliness is built into humans and it is not something that can just be conquered by yourself just because you want it to be so.
And so I can never feel un-alone just by "going out" and meeting other people.
I feel alone and exhausted. I am trying so hard to be the person I want to be, and finding where that vision also intersects with what they want from me. But I feel I am going nowhere.
Just alone.

I have never had this happen.
I went to two interviews with a company and was offered a job. They knew I had other offers because my field is in super high demand. I told them I would consider their offer (verbal and email) and get back to them in two days. They said ok. (This is standard in my field although some ppl consider for up to two weeks). They said they really loved me and begged me not to take any other offers.
I considered and decided to take their offer. I wrote them accepting their offer. I declined my other offers. I asked the company to send me an employment contract. This is standard in my field. I expected to receive something like, " we are so excited to have you join us!" Or something.. especially given the high demand field. That is the usual response.
Instead, they said they "continued their process " and wanted me to come in for a third interview. I was floored. A third interview after the offer?
They said they now had another candidate and wanted to compare us both. I was like.. what?
I went just to see what they would do (and it was online anyway) and they asked me one question they already asked me. I was shocked.
Has anyone seen anything like this? I already contacted one of my pervious offers and told them I reconsidered and will probably just take that one (high HIGH demand field/super shortage and my references are impeccable). I have just never in my life experienced being given an offer and then told to interview again against another candidate. Wow. The nerve. Has anyone heard of this before? Thanks.

I just had the heaviest cry session in the shower lol. I was struck by this thought. I know we’re all healing from our own traumas and life hurts. I know that hurting others is inevitable because it’s a flaw in our design to be imperfect in connection. But I just desperately want to know if there is anyone actually trying not to hurt others? Is there anyone who when you say to them “that hurt” they stop or who just consider you before they act? I have a really hard time being cruel and I realized today that I don’t know a single person, even those who’ve claimed to love me who hasn’t, at one point or the other, gone out of their way to harm me intentionally… even if the infraction was small like a cruel joke or a mean word... a blow to the ego to make themselves feel a little more secure. I’m not sure if it’s silly question. If I’m just missing something but are there people who just don’t do that? Who won’t want to hurt others? I don’t want hurt people. I try my best not to. Existing like this can get lonely at times. I’ve gotten to a point where I won’t put up with any hurtful behavior but should I just expect it? Is it normal to want to hurt the people you say you love? Or was I just dealt bad cards?
To elaborate: I don’t think there’s a single person in my life who has tried not to hurt me. In fact, every person I’ve had a close relationship with has found a way to pick at my sensitivities. I’ve learned to set boundaries, cut ties with people who think my vulnerability is weakness. I don’t really “present” as neurodiverse. I fit into society’s standards of beauty. I can be charismatic when I need or want to. I have a good education and a decent job. I’m also very passionate about things. People are attracted to me but once they get to know me is when the issues start. I think people subconsciously pick up on the fact that I engage differently with the world and try to use it, to make me feel small or to dim my light. It worked for years and I put a lot of effort in trying to be unnoticeable, to be unassuming. I dimmed my own light so others can feel safe and so that I can stay in connection. Then, with therapy, books, hard work and a few mental breakdowns.. I stopped. I stopped masking or attempting to be what others wanted. I’ve worked really hard to get to the level of security I have right now and recently I’ve made a lot of strides. I don’t want to compromise how I feel about myself for anyone because it’s taken so much to get here and I still feel I have ways to go. It is lonely though, and today I just had this moment of deep grief because I’m not sure if the connections I seek are possible.
It was something small that set it. I’m currently staying with my mom and siblings. For the first time in probably a decade, we’re all living in the same home. For me this was just a transition phase but my mother has been putting pressure on us for years to stay together. I started thinking, with the right boundaries maybe I can make this work. Then last night I was doing laundry. I had my headphones in and my mom and sister were talking. My sister and I are very close. To the extent that when she was faced with sexual violence I had changed my entire career path and was seriously working towards going to law school, just to bring justice to her. Outside of my personal and digital journals where no one can see, I’ve not spoken an ill word of my sister to anyone. I love her deeply. My mom… has a lot of narcissistic traits. She’s good for triangulating and it’s perfect that she has three kids to do so with. She’s also always had this vendetta against me. It’s something that I’ve spoken to my sister about at length because it’s been so harmful. The prettier I get the angrier she becomes. The more educated I get the angrier she becomes. If I get into an intimate relationship with a man the angrier she becomes. She’ll sabotage and say mean things then turn around and say she loves me. It’s only me she does this with. Recently I admitted to myself that I actually just don’t like her. I love her but I don’t like her and that’s okay. So last night, as I was doing my laundry with my headphones on, my music stopped playing. I overheard my mother and sister talking and they were talking about me, and my sister was actively engaging in this smearing and taunting of me. They don’t know I heard. They’ve only noticed a coldness today that I can’t help because I don’t feel safe expressing myself after hearing this. Then it happened again today, me overhearing them teasing me, and I know now they’re building a bond off of poking at me or making fun of me together. They’ve never been close so maybe this is how they’re bonding. I haven’t spoken them much today. I can’t. I’m not good at being fake. They’ve both been extra nice trying figure out what’s wrong but it isn’t going to work because something changed with hearing how mean they are about me, especially because it’s things that isn’t hurting or harming anyone. It’s just me. They’re just being mean and hurtful at me, as a whole. Nothing logical or rational in the taunts, just my character, nature and way of being.
I know I have to set the boundary and let them go as I have many many others including family when I first started unmasking. I know this harmful behavior is not something I can change. But I just want to know if there are people out there, not strangers, but people who can be close and intimate without wanting to hurt?