She has gate-kept mental health from me, always trying to one up me when I talk about my panic disorder like “well its not as bad as when I go through [symptom] and I’m on [medication]” and is basically not interested unless she can insert how her anxiety and depression is worse than mine. Which I find so so frustrating.
She has gate-kept being neurodivergent, I suspect I need to be assessed for ADHD, I have signs of it that essentially ruin my day to day life, concentration and focus, tidiness, getting basic tasks done, getting overwhelmed and overstimulated too easily, heavy moodswings, forgetting things all the time, no object permanence, sometimes I simply cannot take in and process what someone has said to me after literally having a clear conversation or instructions from them…its an issue and has affected me working jobs too, and this very same person gets annoyed at me over these things. “You don’t have ADHD you are just dramatic and messy”, like I’m meant to agree and laugh it all off with them. Meanwhile she openly claims she has autism with no diagnosis and casually throws it into conversations with people she has just met.
She also has gate-kept owning a dog? My boyfriend and I want to get a dog in the future when we have our own house with a garden and a lifestyle to support a dog. And I was talking about it to her and she just snapped “you could never have a dog both of you are clueless and could never handle it” claiming she knows all about dogs because her family had dogs and that I should stick to being a cat person because I have never had a dog. My boyfriend has a dog I often help look after and walk with him, and he has softened my heart and made me quite enjoy the company of a dog. I am not claiming to “know everything” about dogs in any means but I would quite like for us to have one in the future and have been researching good first time dog breeds. But she makes out like I’m too stupid to own a dog.
She also gate-kept multiple interests, music, anime, games…it goes on.
So I am not allowed mental health issues, not allowed to suspect I may be struggling with an undiagnosed disorder, and I am not allowed to want a dog? Not allowed to like things on the same level…this is just weird right?
It just frustrates me that she thinks I am stupid and gate-keeps everything? I dont want to lose the strong friendship we have otherwise but it boils my blood.

Hi, I’m just looking for success stories from anyone who has lost weight or reversed health issues with high raw! Looking for personal stories, not ones already on the internet. Please be detailed on what got better (or weight loss) & how quickly… Also what were you eating? Thanks 😊

We are NC with MIL because she is a raging narcissist and is very abusive. We’ve broken NC in April due to a “health emergency” , just to be thrown back into abuse cycle. So we’re back to NC now.
My DH one aunt (MIL half sister) is the only person who has seen the abuse and stood by us. Everyone else just enables her . MIL hates this sister and will tell anyone who will listen she’s only “half” she’s not my sister.
Well this aunt text my husband upset yesterday saying that in the last month no one from the family will answer her messages. She has been getting the silent treatment . She also went NC with MIL this time; and in doing so did not wish her a happy birthday. Which she has never done before.
In typical fashion when DH went NC after this “health emergency” flying monkeys popped up. Crying and whining about MIL. He told them he isn’t interested in having relationships with anyone who supports MIL and said the supportive aunt was the only one in family who has ever been there for us. Is this our fault for saying that to a flying monkey?
This aunt is so upset her other siblings are ignoring her and thinks it’s because she supports us. The same people turned on us when we spoke up about abuse. DH reminded her of that. Now it is sounding like she is going to break NC. Which is her choice.
We just want the drama to stop. DH was pretty annoyed to be getting texts while he was at work about this from his aunt. Do we need to set a boundary with her too?
It just upsetting how MIL has such control over the entire family. It really feels she is shunning anyone who supports us.

For pet lovers, I need some good arguments on why I should have my male cat neutered. I want logical arguments with proper explanations and not just the usual "cuz it's better for him".
To my understanding, the main reasons to have a male cat neutered is to prevent them from spraying all over the house, prevent them from roaming further and further away, and to prevent diseases like testicular cancer, UTI, and the likes.
Some context. I've always treated our cat like a person and that's how I encourage my son to treat him as well. He's part of the family. Up to a certain point, I don't let my son or anyone in the family to force the cat to do anything it doesn't want to do. The cat has had his shots. Even if he didn't want them. After all, my son has had his shots as well. But I wouldn't cut off my son's balls, now would I? With that being said, I fully expect arguments positing that we can't really treat a cat the same as you would treat a human being. Perhaps... But it's not completely satisfactory.
As far as I'm concerned, if the cat wants to leave home then let him. My son will eventually do the same when he's of age and cat years are different from human years. On the cancer part, well, maybe I should cut off my balls as well to prevent cancer. Cutting off the cat's head will prevent brain cancer as well. This last is a bit extreme, but I wanted to make a point. I suppose the health benefits are something to consider, but I'd like to hear from you guys first.
Lastly, spaying all over the house. Hmmm... I suppose that would be a huge problem whenever the cat's home.
I still want to hear everyone's input. Feel free to point out any shortcomings or nearsightedness in my thinking BUT KEEP IT CIVIL. I understand if some of my statements above are a bit harsh or sardonic. I'm an INTJ. Regardless of the tone of my writing, I do want what's best for the cat - that's why I'm even bothering to write this post. But I want it to be more than just what his human "master" considers best for him. Emphasis on this. If only my cat could talk, then I would listen.

When me and my pwBPD dated, i remember telling me l was her "favorite person". I was told that she depends on me for a lot and that I was the first person she truly felt loved with. Flash forward a couple of months later, and she's so cold towards me. I tend to have an anxious attachment style and my own mental health struggled (not bpd), so l opened up to her. I quote all she said was "im sorry", and nothing else. Usually I had some type of effort that'd make me feel better, but this time absolutely anything. Am i being discarded? Can this happen even if youre their FP? im so lost and confused. I broke up with her to which all she said “okay” too and we’ve been NC ever since (3-4 days). I still see her posting on social media and being normal so now I feel hurt because I did so much and gave my everything to her just for her to be “okay” and me feeling absolutely devastated

I have come to recognize that I suffer from PTSD mostly from mood swings or periods of depression as a consequence of an ex gf who cheated on me in the past. The cheating was the trauma. It has been years since that break up. Many people here probably can understand and see in past comments the details of that relationship. I have never really recognized that the mental health struggles I was dealing with at the time were wholly attributed to that past relationship. I find it helpful to come to this realization because now I know that appropriate way to attend to my mental health struggles.
Personally I would not wish this upon anyone. I do hope for those who have been cheated on to seek help and care from a therapist. If anyone needs support, you can reach out by commenting below or we can connect in the DM’s. It does get better.

When my GF [27/F] orders stuff off the internet she leaves it downstairs, and sometimes I'll [27/M] be jokey with her about it. But when I picked up this box, she immediately became agitated and told me to put it down. When I looked at the return address, it was for a sexual health clinic.
I confronted her about it and she said that she ordered the test kit because she had received a reminder for the clinic to test as it had been a while since her last one. She told me that she was previously seeing someone before we dated, and he had given her an STI.
Based on the timescale, she said she completed her treatment a few weeks before we first slept together. She didn't disclose this to me at the time and I personally don't think she needs to as she says was in the clear by that point, and we used protection that time.
But her reasoning for ordering the test kit shifted suddenly and she then said she wanted to make sure she was actually clear and ordered the kit to make sure, as it was almost a year on from when she contracted the STI. I became annoyed at this because we had been sleeping for a few months now with no protection, and she assured that she was clear but was just paranoid and wanted to make sure.
The way her reasoning constantly shifting made me deeply uncomfortable, as someone who has a lot of trauma from previous partners from cheating. This is extremely triggering for me, I have no idea what conclusion to draw. I want to ask her to see the text asking her for the reminder, but I feel that is intrusive and only reinforces my insecurities, which I am trying to improve on.
This is also her first relationship, and she is a bit naive in other aspects of a relationship that should be obvious to me. I have given her the benefit of the doubt in those situations, and to her credit it hasn't been an issue again. But this is extremely different I don't know whether its a case of her genuinely being paranoid, in which case why would it come up now, almost a whole year later? If she was paranoid, then why have we continued to have unprotected sex? She already completed her antibiotics treatment prior to us sleeping together and I remember her distinctively saying she was in the clear, so if that's the case why is she now again paranoid? For me this just sows seeds of doubt into my head, and feels a bit deja-vuey.

Do i have to see a DID specialist for treatment? Or is a regular therapist with experience in trauma good enough too?
Our country is very far behind when it comes to mental health and dissociative disorders. There are very few who specializes or know enough. There is only one public trauma and dissociation center in the entire country which is hard to get into from what i’ve heard, especially if you’re "too sick" The other few left are private clinics.
My current therapist is amazing and seen her for about 4 years and only now started to want to talk more about my DID diagnosis and such. Been on the topic a few times throughout the years but wasn’t the main focus then. Although she’s not a DID specialist she has experiences in trauma and abuse and other things. She’s non judgmental, open, very kind and supportive.
I guess it depends on person to person but i sometimes feel like it’s not valid for some reason..

In today's fast-paced world, where we spend a significant amount of time indoors, the design of our surroundings plays a crucial role in our mental and emotional well-being. So, home design los angeles is not just about aesthetics; it’s deeply intertwined with psychology. This article explores how different elements of interior design can affect our mood, productivity, and overall mental health.

Creating Harmony: The Role of Color

Colors have a profound impact on our emotions and behaviors. Warm colors like red, yellow, and orange are known to stimulate and energize, making them ideal for spaces meant for social interaction. In contrast, cool colors such as blue, green, and purple tend to have a calming effect, making them perfect for bedrooms and relaxation areas.
Key Points on Color Psychology:

• Red: Increases energy and excitement, but can also provoke feelings of anger or anxiety if overused.
• Blue: Promotes calmness and productivity, often used in offices and study rooms.
• Green: Associated with nature and tranquility, reduces stress and induces a sense of well-being.

The Power of Natural Light

Natural light is a vital component of interior design that significantly influences our mood and productivity. Studies have shown that exposure to natural light improves mood, enhances alertness, and promotes better sleep patterns. Incorporating large windows, skylights, and reflective surfaces can maximize the amount of natural light in a space.

Furniture and Layout: The Impact on Interaction and Flow

The arrangement of furniture and the overall layout of a space can greatly affect how we interact with it and with others. Open layouts encourage communication and social interaction, while private, enclosed spaces can provide a sense of security and personal space. Ergonomic furniture that supports good posture can also contribute to physical health, reducing strain and discomfort.

Texture and Materials: Sensory Experiences

The textures and materials used in interior design contribute to the sensory experience of a space. Soft fabrics and plush furniture create a sense of comfort and relaxation, while sleek, hard surfaces can convey modernity and cleanliness. The choice of materials can evoke different feelings and add to the overall ambiance of a room.

Personalization: Reflecting Identity

Personalized spaces that reflect individual tastes and interests can boost self-esteem and create a sense of ownership. Incorporating personal items, such as photographs, artwork, and souvenirs, makes a space feel more inviting and comfortable.

Bullet Points on Design Elements Affecting Mood:

• Lighting: Bright, natural light boosts mood and productivity; dim lighting creates a cozy, relaxed atmosphere.
• Space: Open spaces foster communication; private spaces offer solitude and focus.
• Nature: Indoor plants and natural materials can reduce stress and improve air quality.
• Art and Decor: Personalized decor enhances comfort and reflects individual identity.

Conclusion: Designing for Well-being

The psychology of interior design underscores the importance of creating spaces that not only look good but also feel good. By understanding how various design elements affect our emotions and behaviors, we can create environments that promote happiness, productivity, and overall well-being. Whether it's a home, office, or public space, thoughtful design can transform the way we live and interact with our surroundings.
In the end, the spaces we inhabit have a profound impact on our mental health. As we continue to explore the connection between design and psychology, we gain the tools to create environments that support and enhance our quality of life.
In today's fast-paced world, where we spend a significant amount of time indoors, the design of our surroundings plays a crucial role in our mental and emotional well-being. Interior design is not just about aesthetics; it’s deeply intertwined with psychology. This article explores how different elements of interior design can affect our mood, productivity, and overall mental health.

Creating Harmony: The Role of Color

Colors have a profound impact on our emotions and behaviors. Warm colors like red, yellow, and orange are known to stimulate and energize, making them ideal for spaces meant for social interaction. In contrast, cool colors such as blue, green, and purple tend to have a calming effect, making them perfect for bedrooms and relaxation areas.
Key Points on Color Psychology:

• Red: Increases energy and excitement, but can also provoke feelings of anger or anxiety if overused.
• Blue: Promotes calmness and productivity, often used in offices and study rooms.
• Green: Associated with nature and tranquility, reduces stress and induces a sense of well-being.

The Power of Natural Light

Natural light is a vital component of interior design that significantly influences our mood and productivity. Studies have shown that exposure to natural light improves mood, enhances alertness, and promotes better sleep patterns. Incorporating large windows, skylights, and reflective surfaces can maximize the amount of natural light in a space.

Furniture and Layout: The Impact on Interaction and Flow

The arrangement of furniture and the overall layout of a space can greatly affect how we interact with it and with others. Open layouts encourage communication and social interaction, while private, enclosed spaces can provide a sense of security and personal space. Ergonomic furniture that supports good posture can also contribute to physical health, reducing strain and discomfort.

Texture and Materials: Sensory Experiences

The textures and materials used in interior design contribute to the sensory experience of a space. Soft fabrics and plush furniture create a sense of comfort and relaxation, while sleek, hard surfaces can convey modernity and cleanliness. The choice of materials can evoke different feelings and add to the overall ambiance of a room.

Personalization: Reflecting Identity

Personalized spaces that reflect individual tastes and interests can boost self-esteem and create a sense of ownership. Incorporating personal items, such as photographs, artwork, and souvenirs, makes a space feel more inviting and comfortable.

Bullet Points on Design Elements Affecting Mood:

• Lighting: Bright, natural light boosts mood and productivity; dim lighting creates a cozy, relaxed atmosphere.
• Space: Open spaces foster communication; private spaces offer solitude and focus.
• Nature: Indoor plants and natural materials can reduce stress and improve air quality.
• Art and Decor: Personalized decor enhances comfort and reflects individual identity.

Conclusion: Designing for Well-being

The psychology of interior design underscores the importance of creating spaces that not only look good but also feel good. By understanding how various design elements affect our emotions and behaviors, we can create environments that promote happiness, productivity, and overall well-being. Whether it's a home, office, or public space, thoughtful design can transform the way we live and interact with our surroundings.
In the end, the spaces we inhabit have a profound impact on our mental health. As we continue to explore the connection between design and psychology, we gain the tools to create environments that support and enhance our quality of life.

Advice/support/brutal honesty appreciated.
Hi there, late 20’s lady here. Really struggling with remaining focused on getting my life back on track (ideally before 30 cos yknow obv reasons) . There has been warnings, ever increasing consequences, bizarre mishaps and illogical misdirections but…I feel and have felt for a while now that its a last chance of the last chance for me (of and for what? no clue. But I’d surely like to reach my ending knowing I’d made my best possible attempt to overcome my self/limitations etc). Would greatly benefit from a moment of your time cos I’m so exhausted stuffing this up repetitively - building to lose then restarting etc.
Background: The usual these days: poor kid story,stunted isolated, anxious, depressed until 20y.o. Actually lived life for coupla years; study, work, friends etc. Historically my happiest time. Around 2020 though, unaddressed and accumulating stressors, traumas and health issues began to pile and tower until 2022 my slowly downhill progression came to dramatic and very painful standstill. Biggest rock bottom, biggest sad black dog yet. Quit my job, addictions rising,money blown. Bedbound depresso for well over 6 months. Which was though.. a worthwhile turning point (or could be considered as such if outcomes mimicked new positive attitude) as I had a NDE that forced a radical perspective change and I became firmly committed to trying again, getting back on track to the better life I was building, giving it my all/making up for lost time, $ etc.
Whilst this new attitude was technically the happiest and most sustainably content I’d ever been in my life; it actually ushered 2 years of any, every and all attempt from every angle to thrwart, subvert, steal, diminish and prevent any progress whatsoever that could in any way reflect the joy of my new positive attitude and state of mind. For example: all cars and assets stolen, really horrible slander, very questionable and ethically shocking actions from family/friends/those around me. Sensitive identity documents stolen on multiple occasions, death threats could but wont go on for its a lot). So every time I’d get a job, save etc it would get stolen, go back to pretty much zero, try again, doing something a little different and same/similacompletely wild card random event occurs that fks progress once more. So pretty much two years where all i’ve got to show for it is my sanity, resilience and resolve to persevere (not even with a story too at that, most dont believe it) and a wealth of spiritual reserves I have learnt about myself and the universe. Whilst I value and am grateful for the above, its optimism doesn’t really show how painful, fucked, cruel, useless idk - the true cost of this. I am not displacing responsibility btw, trust - am painfully aware how my actions and shortfalls have created certain consequences and situations however with time I have also come to see that so much of it was not proportional to my stimulus and frankly was some karmic debt/chasm/revenge/plan/sick joke with really cooked skew points.
But yeah I get it, ‘not poor me/old orphan annie’ victim sounds I’m making - I’m just stating, that many injustices poorly or accurately distribute as they should….
Anyways, I’m finally at a position though where i have 100% guaranteed, stable housing (woo off the streets) and want to go into my 30s a healthy person, with a job/more purpose than just building goals and dreams to have them torn down unceremoniously. A better sibling, an asset to my spiritual team… without losing my heart/hope/faith. Showing up for and being accountable to my self, my dreams and the part I play in a divine purpose. My confidence is increasing; for example, im not scared to have a bank account anymore lest it be taken again and now own more than just the outfit im wearing. Eating food, and living without a fear of being shanked in my sleep , it’s been a while yipyip.
However, the world now feels foreign & unrecogniseable. All friends, family, places feel artificial disconnected derivatives/feel off, confusion over unusual, undefined and unexplained strange terrain to entire life prior. It’s Like great divides and times occurred without any legitimate, standard consensus on when/how/what triggered it and am now in utter exile to old world/norms (e.g-was asked recently what item was in my nose and had to explain it was a bit of snot..then asked if it is usual human behaviour…..). And am aware none of this is ‘real’ ; as in, this is a dream state/game be it waking or dreaming, the matrix etc however still gotta eat, and am still here breathing - with no knowledge on how to understand/conquer this dream/ game state. I want to do better, discoverefine/continue my purpose and hopefully figure out why I feel like a circus monkey/doll on display and mocked, am treated as such without explanation etc etc. Additionally, am very tired of the great lengths and excessive gestures that attempt to hold me back /bring me down, depressed again( e.g- unnecessary lies and showy displays of affection that are so ridiculous, setting a bar high for no reason when standard conversations/behaviours would have sufficed? Constant attempts at getting hopes/heart up to crush it down without reasonable prompt or stimulus). I Refuse to walk around with an unjustified chip on my shoulder yet life mirrors back to me either: my spiritual advancements in a productive, kind, progressive way or, will mock/deride or devalue/exploit any positive emotions/constantly checking, critiquing, judging and ridiculing thoughts/feelings and behaviour. With no way to exit that hedonic treadmill, I am trying new tactics whenever an approach isn’t working however my energy, resolve, supports, esteem, heart and faith struggles with the fluctuating see-sawing weights.Even when cutting everyone off, it still teaches lessons that are helpful but come at harsh tolls.
I know I need to do all these things too… with apparently not that much time which doesn’t make it easier and reminded frequently ‘it could be much worse!”: to awaken, find my twin/whatever, save, redeem, find my self or lose it, self-actualise, ascend, remember, forget, let go, but hold on— all whilst feeling like an uninformed, dim witted laughing stock to the world that awaits something (???). Appearing to someone else’s profit for reasons beyond me in causes so toxic/pathetic/fucked up but of course… I am not them nor aware of grand spectacles. Nor is there any way of knowing concretely all these fucked up things will be worth it.. So i’ve pretty much resigned myself to an isolated life as family, friendship or relationship endeavours have been cruel, bizarre, profit driven and unaligned to myself.
So… how tf do we author our dreams w all this in mind.. understand where we are/what job we are to do even as a stupid human on some show I can’t see but know am being mocked… restore a sense of power, esteem … fuck. having firm resolve. never going back to zero again. finding the dream that’s right for me and actually actualising it with right work (not like before, putting in work but goals changing, shit happens)… what tf do I do with this situation and allotment within this totally cooked, counterintuitive space&time… how to understand what everyone/anyone is talking about or why NOTHING makes sense. How to conquer CONFUSION!
Thank u for reading, I know it’s mostly cliche and fkn long. Watered down for safety reasons but the ardent request for help still be very real and sorely needed !!!!! (in turn sending comraderie energy to everyone reading on this cooked quest)

I thought I would do a quick life update on all that's happened in the past few months of my life :). No clue why or how I decided on this but I think it's fun.
So.
In the past few months: I've gathered trauma, Discovered that my bf is essentially an antisocial sadist (more on this later), Built stress, Nearly failed two of my classes, And almost mentally fell apart.
On the contrary, I've healed from trauma, Made massive developments in my mental health, Built the foundations to a stronger sense of self, Developed my view on the world and life the things surrounding me, Increased my self awareness and grounded myself further, Started working out and learning a martial art, Gained motivation to do well and be productive, Improved at my instruments and at art, And fell majorly in love with the most amazing person I'll ever meet. (Yeah, he's not really a sadist he just has a twisted view on the world but I couldn't care less it's just his perspective and it doesn't affect anyone so I can look past it pretty easily)
So, yeah! That's a recap of the biggest things from the past few months :D

So, I've been thinking all morning - we all know that the suburban sprawl is a contributor to the GHG emissions, but is there more to it?
Namely, we usually think that living in green, sparsely populated areas, such as the suburbs, is simply a greener way of living. Some may have a small veggie patch, the air is cleaner, and the overall greenery around is beneficial to one's health. However, if we follow the carbon emissions per capita, we can see that people living in cities have way lower emissions than those living in the suburbs.
Why? Well, when living in a city, everything is close by and many choose not to start their cars for every little shopping need they have. In most cases, the amenities/shops/services you need are all within a walking distance. On the other hand, the more rural the area you live in, the more miles you have to put into any activity you have - going to work - 30 minutes' ride. Going to the NEARBY supermarket - 20 minutes behind the wheel. Taking kids to their soccer practice - 15-30 minutes ride away. When it comes to living in areas that are not densely-populated, even the smallest activities release some carbon.
On top of this, it is useful to take some more measurements into account. For every family that lives in the suburbs, more road needs to be constructed, more trees cut and more piping needs to be laid down. When it comes to these works - they release a lot of CO2 as well. Add to this more electricity being used to keep the lights on the streets on and also consider all the cables and power poles and how much CO2 setting up each of them takes up. On the other hand, suburban homes are carbon sinks of a kind - as the wood traditionally used in constructing them stores some CO2.
So, the story is more complex than the simple flowerbed in front of a beautiful suburban home. I would argue that the best way to fix the suburbs would be rezoning them - and turning them into something similar to the European concept of 10 or 15-minute cities.
By default, these cities are simply areas within existing cities where most of your daily needs can be finished within 10-15 minutes of your home. And on foot for that matter. The local store, municipality office, school and high school, the local barber, bar, restaurant, fast food, car mechanic, and many more services are accessible on foot. With this in mind, dedicating a connected space to the idea and to the services could significantly reduce the suburban CO2 emissions. On top of this, it would also keep people more in shape, as starting the car in most European neighborhoods is not an everyday thing - I am not sure if this is simply a habit or a design solution - but it works.
What are your thoughts on this? What would you do differently in your suburban area, i.e. what ideas do you have that could help you reduce your personal CO2 that may not be talked about very often?

Advice/support/brutal honesty appreciated.
Hi there, late 20’s lady here. Really struggling with remaining focused on getting my life back on track (ideally before 30 cos yknow obv reasons) . There has been warnings, ever increasing consequences, bizarre mishaps and illogical misdirections but…I feel and have felt for a while now that its a last chance of the last chance for me (of and for what? no clue. But I’d surely like to reach my ending knowing I’d made my best possible attempt to overcome my self/limitations etc). Would greatly benefit from a moment of your time cos I’m so exhausted stuffing this up repetitively - building to lose then restarting etc.
Background: The usual these days: poor kid story,stunted isolated, anxious, depressed until 20y.o. Actually lived life for coupla years; study, work, friends etc. Historically my happiest time. Around 2020 though, unaddressed and accumulating stressors, traumas and health issues began to pile and tower until 2022 my slowly downhill progression came to dramatic and very painful standstill. Biggest rock bottom, biggest sad black dog yet. Quit my job, addictions rising,money blown. Bedbound depresso for well over 6 months. Which was though.. a worthwhile turning point (or could be considered as such if outcomes mimicked new positive attitude) as I had a NDE that forced a radical perspective change and I became firmly committed to trying again, getting back on track to the better life I was building, giving it my all/making up for lost time, $ etc.
Whilst this new attitude was technically the happiest and most sustainably content I’d ever been in my life; it actually ushered 2 years of any, every and all attempt from every angle to thrwart, subvert, steal, diminish and prevent any progress whatsoever that could in any way reflect the joy of my new positive attitude and state of mind. For example: all cars and assets stolen, really horrible slander, very questionable and ethically shocking actions from family/friends/those around me. Sensitive identity documents stolen on multiple occasions, death threats could but wont go on for its a lot). So every time I’d get a job, save etc it would get stolen, go back to pretty much zero, try again, doing something a little different and same/similacompletely wild card random event occurs that fks progress once more. So pretty much two years where all i’ve got to show for it is my sanity, resilience and resolve to persevere (not even with a story too at that, most dont believe it) and a wealth of spiritual reserves I have learnt about myself and the universe. Whilst I value and am grateful for the above, its optimism doesn’t really show how painful, fucked, cruel, useless idk - the true cost of this. I am not displacing responsibility btw, trust - am painfully aware how my actions and shortfalls have created certain consequences and situations however with time I have also come to see that so much of it was not proportional to my stimulus and frankly was some karmic debt/chasm/revenge/plan/sick joke with really cooked skew points.
But yeah I get it, ‘not poor me/old orphan annie’ victim sounds I’m making - I’m just stating, that many injustices poorly or accurately distribute as they should….
Anyways, I’m finally at a position though where i have 100% guaranteed, stable housing (woo off the streets) and want to go into my 30s a healthy person, with a job/more purpose than just building goals and dreams to have them torn down unceremoniously. A better sibling, an asset to my spiritual team… without losing my heart/hope/faith. Showing up for and being accountable to my self, my dreams and the part I play in a divine purpose. My confidence is increasing; for example, im not scared to have a bank account anymore lest it be taken again and now own more than just the outfit im wearing. Eating food, and living without a fear of being shanked in my sleep , it’s been a while yipyip.
However, the world now feels foreign & unrecogniseable. All friends, family, places feel artificial disconnected derivatives/feel off, confusion over unusual, undefined and unexplained strange terrain to entire life prior. It’s Like great divides and times occurred without any legitimate, standard consensus on when/how/what triggered it and am now in utter exile to old world/norms (e.g-was asked recently what item was in my nose and had to explain it was a bit of snot..then asked if it is usual human behaviour…..). And am aware none of this is ‘real’ ; as in, this is a dream state/game be it waking or dreaming, the matrix etc however still gotta eat, and am still here breathing - with no knowledge on how to understand/conquer this dream/ game state. I want to do better, discoverefine/continue my purpose and hopefully figure out why I feel like a circus monkey/doll on display and mocked, am treated as such without explanation etc etc. Additionally, am very tired of the great lengths and excessive gestures that attempt to hold me back /bring me down, depressed again( e.g- unnecessary lies and showy displays of affection that are so ridiculous, setting a bar high for no reason when standard conversations/behaviours would have sufficed? Constant attempts at getting hopes/heart up to crush it down without reasonable prompt or stimulus). I Refuse to walk around with an unjustified chip on my shoulder yet life mirrors back to me either: my spiritual advancements in a productive, kind, progressive way or, will mock/deride or devalue/exploit any positive emotions/constantly checking, critiquing, judging and ridiculing thoughts/feelings and behaviour. With no way to exit that hedonic treadmill, I am trying new tactics whenever an approach isn’t working however my energy, resolve, supports, esteem, heart and faith struggles with the fluctuating see-sawing weights.Even when cutting everyone off, it still teaches lessons that are helpful but come at harsh tolls.
I know I need to do all these things too… with apparently not that much time which doesn’t make it easier and reminded frequently ‘it could be much worse!”: to awaken, find my twin/whatever, save, redeem, find my self or lose it, self-actualise, ascend, remember, forget, let go, but hold on— all whilst feeling like an uninformed, dim witted laughing stock to the world that awaits something (???). Appearing to someone else’s profit for reasons beyond me in causes so toxic/pathetic/fucked up but of course… I am not them nor aware of grand spectacles. Nor is there any way of knowing concretely all these fucked up things will be worth it.. So i’ve pretty much resigned myself to an isolated life as family, friendship or relationship endeavours have been cruel, bizarre, profit driven and unaligned to myself.
So… how tf do we author our dreams w all this in mind.. understand where we are/what job we are to do even as a stupid human on some show I can’t see but know am being mocked… restore a sense of power, esteem … fuck. having firm resolve. never going back to zero again. finding the dream that’s right for me and actually actualising it with right work (not like before, putting in work but goals changing, shit happens)… what tf do I do with this situation and allotment within this totally cooked, counterintuitive space&time… how to understand what everyone/anyone is talking about or why NOTHING makes sense. How to conquer CONFUSION!
Thank u for reading, I know it’s mostly cliche and fkn long. Watered down for safety reasons but the ardent request for help still be very real and sorely needed !!!!! (in turn sending comraderie energy to everyone reading on this cooked quest)

Prologue

Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.

Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.

I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.

With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.

Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.

To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?

I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. And...someone wholesome, if you get my meaning. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat. Write "Radiant Sun" as the title.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again

(Throwaway account for obvious reasons.) Forgive me if this isn't quite the appropriate place to post - new to this subreddit.
Who ever thinks they'll find themselves asking this question? But Reddit, I need an unbiased opinion.
My spouse and I have been married for 3 years and known each other for 4. They are my best friend, and I love them so much. It's difficult to picture my life without them.
But over the course of our brief marriage, things have changed between us. To keep it short and sweet: - we haven't had sex in over a year - neither of us can stay in therapy for reasons I can only attribute to codependency - They discovered they have autism, and as someone with adhd and ptsd, I can't always support them in the way they need, and they often can't support me in the way I need either. - I've noticed they stopped being social. The person I married was this bright, extroverted, friendly human. But over the past 2 years, they've become highly reclusive. Working from home, never going out with friends, obsessing over their projects. (At least I don't have to worry about infidelity, but I do worry I've somehow encouraged this.) - We fight over the same 3 things every time and have since we've known each other: work-life balance, communication, and being present with each other. - We feed into and enable each others weaknesses with finances and personal health.
We've been working on it for years and none of these things get better. We've grown closer in some ways, but I worry that's also not healthy. But it's worth noting: I love this human. They love me. I struggle to imagine my life without hugging them after work every day or morning coffee with them or holding them at night. It's hard to imagine going on adventures with anyone else.
So what do you think Reddit? Is it time to go our separate ways so we can learn to be our own people again, even if it means breaking both our hearts? Or am I overthinking everything here and this is just what it's like when you're with someone for a long time?