Does my male friend have feelings for me

(21 F) I am in a relationship of 3 years. Surely, we are both not perfect but I do know we both love eachother and try to work on the flaws of our relationship. Overall, I would consider my relationship with him (22 M) to be happy and healthy with some ups and downs. I do however notice some tendencies that I have as a partner that I would like to change and am aware that they are the reason for some of our arguments. As I get older, I am beginning to wonder if some of my past trauma can explain why I react/ feel certain ways about things.
My parents got divorced when I was 13 years old. I had a good childhood but I hardly remember my parents ever being happy with each other. My father and mother are complete opposites so they fought a lot. I never saw them be affectionate towards eachother and often seen/ heard them fighting. I know my father wanted to work on things but my mother wanted the divorce. I believe she did this because she fell out of love with him and wanted to explore other opportunities. Which I always felt was not the right reasons to end a marriage. After the divorce I continued to live with my mother and visit my father occasionally. At the time my mother would had mouth my dad and say terrible things about him. At the time it made me resent him, she made me believe that he hurt her and us. Because of this I really did not have a good relationship with him through the rest of my teenage years. Knowing what I know now, I feel a lot of guilt for the way I treated my father. He did nothing to hurt us and I wish I was more mature at the time to realize this.
After my father moved out, my mother almost immediately moved in her new boyfriend who had been divorced twice and has 4 children. A few years after the divorce, my father met his girlfriend who is widowed and has 1 child. 2 years ago they bought a house a moved in together.
My mother’s boyfriend was always very kind to me and stayed out of my way while he lived with us. He respected me and my privacy, having him around was fine for me at the time. Although while living with us he developed a drinking problem. Since I was about 18, there have been multiple occasions where he got very drunk and acted terribly towards my mother. He will storm around my house throwing things and screaming. He has trashed my house and punched holes in walls/doors. My mother has threatened to call the cops on him on a few occasions. He will put his hands on her and threaten to leave or try and take her phone away. I will usually have to get involved and break up the arguments. My mother has broken up with him 2 times and promised me he would never come back, then proceeds to come back again. A lot of the time after these episodes he has my mom will pretend like nothing happened. When I try to tell her how I feel about him she will begin to cry and tell me how she feels she is the worst mother and how she should have never divorced my father. She tells me how she wants out of the relationship but is scared and how it’s not normal. But then will call him her best friend. She also begs me not to tell anyone about her situation.
As I got older and started to realize that my father did nothing wrong, my relationship with him grew stronger until he moved in with his girlfriend. I was not always her biggest fan but since she has moved in with him, she has increasingly became very rude to me. Making comments about my weight, my intelligence, and my goals in life. She makes it known she does not like when I talk about memories I have with my father and is overall just rude and pushy. This has made me stop going to my father’s house as often as I was when I was trying to mend our relationship. I wish things were different and I also hold alot of guilt because of this.
I am not in therapy. I never talk to my parents about my feelings. And my situation makes me believe that I can act a certain way in a relationship. How do you think my trauma could be affecting my relationship? Can it make me act/feel a certain way towards my boyfriend.

I really struggle with bonding with my partners son and feel really guilty for wanting a holiday with partner and our 1 year old .
A bit of background, SK is 13 and I have been in his life for 5 years and with my partner for 6. A lot of history with BM. For years she has caused drama and threatening behaviour towards me, I’ve never actually met her in person but she has done crazy things like finding out where my family live and arriving at their door causing chaos, saying she’s sleeping with my SO, sending threats on text or social media and threatening physical violence. I guess this has caused a lot of tension and resentment on my part towards SK and having to put up with the BM BS. I do wish I could put these feelings aside as I totally understand SK is not the issue but even after years I cant seem to shift these feelings. Every couple of months there is a new BM drama, whether it’s demanding more child support or dropping SK off for longer periods than planned because she books a last minute trip with friends. We take SK 2-3 nights every week and SO has always been an amazing dad, always present and pays for everything SK needs l, which I’ve always admired. SK is really well mannered and a great big brother. We have had some issues that are still unresolved and that I’ve pretty much given up on with SO at this point such as SK staying up really late through the early hours of the morning playing video games and kind of treating our home like a hotel and basically not cleaning up after himself or helping out and my SO gets defensive anytime I bring anything up which has also added to things and makes me feel a bit uncomfortable in my own home when SK is over.
Since having a son of our own last year I found my feeling of resentment have only gotten worse, I do not let this show when he’s around and I do feel really guilty having these feelings but I really can’t seem to shift them with all the drama that has went on over the years. What really brought these feelings up was me and my partner would normally do a holiday together and then a holiday with SK and bring his friend etc for company. BM doesn’t bring SK away or if she does she expects SO to pay for kids cost of her holiday .
However we really can’t afford two holidays this year and we couldn’t afford a baby moon last year or first holiday with baby last summer and I was really looking forward to having a holiday with my son and SO as a family and have that experience as a first time mother and also have some down time for me and SO as baby is so young we can still have adult conversations over dinner etc however my SO is understandably bringing SK as we cannot afford two holidays and doesn’t want SK feeling left out. I totally understand this but it is upsetting as I know I will feel uncomfortable whilst away due to strain on relationship with SK and feel like I’m missing out and not getting a break away which is much needed with my SO. BM is fine to go away without SK but if we do it there will be outrage.
I feel I’m being selfish but also feel like I’m going crazy pushing my own feelings down, I really just want some guidance on how I can overcome these feelings or some advice from someone who’s in the same situation or has been I suppose.

I hope the title got your attention, but it is misleading. You see, my husband did not sleep with his mom's friend, but rather his mom's friend took advantage of my husband (we were not married yet and separated for a few months during this) when he was drunk, depressed, and had recently confided to her about how he felt about me. I don't even know how to summarize this story without it being all over the place, so I'll just dive into it... I am changing names and locations for privacy purposes, but I have held onto this story for almost two years now. It began in Canada. I met my future husband, Brad P, and we started off as wonderful friends, with honesty and open communication being the key factors to our friendship, and relationship now. It took time for those romantic feelings for Brad P to build, but I quickly realized he was (is) seriously one of the best people I have ever met. Men don't get enough credit, especially the quiet, nerdy ones women often friend-zone but use for emotional resources... anyway... He definitely had dealt with his fair share of women showing up for his money, his generosity, and, yes, nativity. Brad P is a very sensitive, sentimental, loving, kind, patient, understanding person. Light like that tends to attract moths. Anyway, we start our journey in the cold parts of Canada(Canada is so cold... omg), right by the US border, and decided to travel together, as friends. We stopped in NYC to stay with his mother while we prepared for our travels, but got snowed in for two weeks with her. I had two weeks of uninterrupted time to get to know my friend Brad, and his mother, Helga, personally. Helga was certainly nice, outgoing, extroverted, silly, talented, but she never did connect to me much on a personal level. There was some resistance there. She kept every conversation light and was kind and polite. Brad P and I were able to leave NYC and start our journey down the coast to the tropical part of Florida after two weeks. I had my first Christmas with snow. Brad P and I began traveling together, and we fell in love after about two months. We took our time, though we were always together, and truly were, and are, the best of friends. We made it to the Florida Keys finally after two months of gentle travel down the coast, camping in between states and scenes. I was absolutely (still am) smitten with this man's grace, and our experiences together, camping, hiking, traveling. We arrive in the Keys, and I am obsessed. I had never been so far from home before, and never thought that I could, as Fancy (by Reba) was my anthem growing up. (hey-o!) I was dirt poor. Helga, Brad P's mother, decided to join us down in the Keys for about three weeks of vacation. She had never been there, either. Helga invites us to her Airbnb and introduces us to Bertha. Bertha is a woman in her 30's who was also staying in the same Airbnb. Helga and Bertha quickly became friends, both being extroverts and staying in the same place together for vacation. Bertha, Brad P, and Helga all go explore the AirBnB, while I... go look at the bee hive I noticed in the yard.... ( I am autistic, okay? I like what I like, LaLa land is my happy place) I didn't get stung once, by the way. I even had a hitchhiker I had to gently remove before I went inside. During my and Brad P's time in the Keys, we occasionally met with his mother, Helga and her friend, Bertha, at the beach, restaurants, the Airbnb hot tub.
Anyway, I believe that may be enough context. Brad P and I unfortunately had to separate because we both have physical health conditions that reared its head when we were living our love out. We both had to go back home. We believe the heat exasperated our health conditions. It was painful, but I made my journey back up the coast, and across the country to my heartland, alone. He took a plane and flew back to NYC, to stay with his mother while he figured out his health conditions. We stayed in touch for a few weeks, but it quickly became too emotional for us both, and we had to give ourselves space.
That's where Bertha decides to come to NYC to study naturopathy medicine. Perfect, she has two built in friends already in a new, big, cold city: Helga and my sweet Brad P.
Helga and Bertha quickly reconnect, and Helga, being the mother-of-the-year that she is, introduces alcohol to Brad P's unstable condition. Helga has always struggled with substance abuse, apparently, after her divorce and empty-nest syndrome kicked in, her substance abuse issues escalated, according to my husband.
Naturally, Bertha just happens to be around when Brad is with his mom, drinking his sorrows away. (He no longer drinks, he has been sober for over a year and a half now!!!! This situation is the reason why he gained his sobriety! )
One drunken night in her hot tub, Brad's mom confesses she thinks it would be "soooo cute if you and Bertha got together!!!.... but if it didn't work out, it could ruin my friendship..." Just drunken thoughts of a woman full of folly, after all.
Bertha and Brad start talking on a casual level, and he invites her to a Halloween party at his friend's house, due to her "not having any friends in NYC". (But, wait... I thought Helga and Bertha were such good pals?) They go to this party, and then she invites him to sleep on her couch at her house when he says he didn't want to drive all the way across town at 1am to go back to his mom's house.
I realize he had drunken choice in this.
She was sober, that's the difference. His mother also encouraged, and enabled this while he was depressed and struggling over... me. They both knew that, as Brad had been very honest and forthcoming with them both about loving me and not being happy about the split. His mother encouraged the alcohol and much of the lust of his flesh in his depression.
Once at her house, Bertha offers Brad wine, which he accepts. Choice, after all. I know.
He does not recall her finishing her one glass.
She began to complain about her back hurting from all the studying she was doing, so he offered to give her a massage with his massage gun.
I say naive lightly, I truly want to say other things.
He said he thought she was going to keep her shirt on.
She didn't. Apparently, she took off her shirt immediately, leaned in to kiss him, and then led him to her bedroom.
I believe it happened like that. Why? Brad is shy, nerdy, and has only ever been with two people in his 29 years. Me, and miss Bertha. He never made the first move on any women, ( except me) and has only ever been in one serious relationship in his life (hi).
As his mother told me back in December 2021 when we were snowed in with her in NYC, Brad would be easy to take advantage of, due to his kind nature. Even Helga told me herself she was worried her son would end up with an abusive person due to his innocent nature. Interesting. ( He is on the neurodivergent spectrum, as someone with credit in psychology and abuse, we see this too often with abuse victims. There is a high correlation between someone being abused and already having a pre-existing mental health disorder or condition. Bertha is a doctor, she ought to know this, no? She did know Brad is on the spectrum. He told her, she gave medical advice and then slept with him. )
Apparently, he could not complete his drunken mission because he started thinking about... me.
I quickly found out about their little encounter, as it was a pivotal moment in his maturing and deciding he needed to change his life. He called me, confessed, and said he was sorry, for everything.
I didn't trust him right away, but after several months, when he asked if he could come visit me in my home-state, 3000 miles away, I quickly said yes.
He came to visit, but he married me after 8 months and hasn't left since.
However, here's the thing: This situation has indeed taken a toll on our marriage, due to the fact the Helga did not know about Bertha and Brad's encounter on the scary night of Hallow's Eve, so she brought up Bertha the NIGHT. BEFORE. MY. WEDDING. WHEN SHE CALLED HER SON TO CONGRATULATE HIM ON HIS MARRIAGE. She just wanted to let us know that Big Bertha moved back to the Keys. I was absolutely appalled. How dare she? How dare the other she? How dare he? How dare anyone?! I finally had a meltdown and told him enough was enough, he had to tell his mother that he slept with her friend, so that woman could respect me as his wife just enough to never bring up the foul name of Bertha ever again to me, or my soul mate. So, he told her, but that was not enough because she failed to see how Brad felt like he had been taken advantage of, how inappropriate the situation was, and decided to flip the script and make herself the victim. Yes, you read that right. When told, Helga started crying and said (Brad did not even ask her to do this....) "Please, you can't do this! you can't take my friends away! that's what your dad did to me!" After a grueling half hour phone call, Brad expressed to me how horribly his own mother needs therapy. Long story shortened here, I reached out to his mother and expressed my own ACE score of 10 to her, giving her vulnerable information about myself so she could better see how trauma affects people and why those people CANNOT, SHOULD NOT, have access to us! I talked to this woman for three hours, but no. She refused to remove Bertha as a friend, despite the fact that Bertha moved back to the Keys and Helga and Bertha never spoke and, as Helga put it, "I don't really know her that well, we didn't talk about anything too deep, if I did see her, it wouldn't be for like another five years or so..." Okay, some friendship. Should be easy to let go of for your son and his wife, no? No.
There is more that goes into this story, truly, but bottom line is Brad wanted his mom to cut off Bertha as a friend. I supported it, due to it's unnecessary, inappropriate nature. Line is drawn.
Brad finally confronted his mother, via text, and told her, hey, I cannot trust you if this is the company you keep. He told his mother that he found out about Bertha's ex husband, and it did not help that he looks like him.
His mother quipped back with, "I refuse to talk to you or your wife any longer about Bertha. I have blocked her and removed her number."
I finally had the ability to confront that woman today. She is easy to find, being a doctor of the Keys who started originally in NYC. I emailed her, and also sent her a message to her Facebook, ensuring she would be held accountable somehow. Brad and Helga just block. I confront, and then let that person block me.
I told her off, and I cannot tell you how good it feels, almost two freaking years later, to tell that woman that she took advantage of someone who is vulnerable while claiming to be that person's friend and his mother's friend, and having met me.
Decent people do not do that. Decent people understand basic boundaries. One, you do not sleep with your friend's kids. That is weird, y'all. Shouldn't have to even say it, yet we have doctors in their mid 30's sleeping with people they are giving medical advice to, while also being friends with that persons family. It's disgusting.
She may have been homecoming queen, college graduate, married, but she is just sad to me. Those eyes are sad, that heart is empty. That moral compass is pointing south.
Two, you do not, DO NOT, coerce people into sleeping with you by using vices, or taking advantage of and exploiting their emotional vulnerabilities.
Man or bear? I choose my man. That woman is a bear. Vicious when broken and afraid, hungry. No regard for other's safety, just un-evolved instincts that lust after the demise of others. She ought to know better, being a woman., and doctor, if I am to allow myself to be so biased. We are taught to avoid men like... her....
After confronting her and sending her two images, one of her and her ex husband on their wedding day (making sure I got the comment from her family that said "he's holding your dress because it looks like he's afraid you will run away!" in the screenshot ) and the other image was of me kissing my Brad on our Wedding day.
There is no point to this story, other than, I have told no one about this other than my therapist for almost two years. This will probably get nowhere, but if someone does read this tiny novel I wrote, please don't be like Helga or Bertha. Thank you, you would be doing society a favor and protecting vulnerable peoples if you just don't act like Bertha.
Warm regards to you all, but cold regards to all of the Helga's and Bertha's out there.

My bf is so indecisive and just all over the place at times, he’s undiagnosed with autism he says he might have but I wish he did get professional diagnosis. I just feel really lonely in our relationship. I feel more like the adult, I feel like I’m always having to sweep my feelings under the rugs because talking about it seem like attacking him and he just pulled away. It’s so frustrating because he go days without talking to me and none of our problems ever get solved. He’s always using that he autism and he can’t pick up on any cue. Well shit, then that just sucks for me. He always tells me he’s lonely because I work a lot but the days I’m off work him he’s just to himself. We be in a room and he just be on his phone like he’s stuck. Or when he asked me to sleep over the minute I say yea, he goes to bed early like wth. We hardly go on any dates, go out like couples. I just feel like his friends. He only needs me for stuff then he’s hood by himself. So what’s wrong with me expressing that we just be friends because we have zero romance Connection. It’s even worst on text he will leave me on read with no comments and it’s like I really don’t even have him. I’m trying to explained to him that I’m miserable and it’s just better to do our own things but he keeps insisting he loves me and is trying his best to work on it but it’s been 6 years. How long does he want me to wait because I’m not doing that crap anymore. I’m just done! I rather be alone and sad then be with someone and feel sad still. Am I over reacting or do I make any sense.?

So me and my gf have been going out since the 1st of January after meeting through the theatre, we both liked eachother for months before we were together but I didn't think I had a chance because she was in the year above. Thankfully, I built up the courage to ask her out (although it wasn't very romantic) and she has made my life so much better. I need to preface this all by saying she is my absolute favourite person and I love her more than can be put into words, even after only 5 months I really feel like I want to spend my life with her. She comforts me when I need it, is always incredibly supportive and I know I can talk to her about anything but there is a small problem. I have been quite hypersexual since I was about 11 and I am really very ready and wanting to go the full length. Now me and my gf have done some things together so far but nothing that involves going past clothing, other than when she gave me a hand job once but later said it wasn't something she wanted to do again. I have always made sure when we have been making out etc that she is comfortable with each step and I have stopped immediately the few times she has called it off (bare minimum I know but I don't want you all to get the wrong impression). About a week ago, she was staying with me in a hotel room and my parents were asleep in the room next to us, it was technically our first sleepover. We started doing what we usually would but this time I asked after a while if I could put my hand down her pants, not exactly like that but still. She said "probably not tonight with your parents there" and we went back to what we were doing and we finished after a while. After this when we were cuddling, she told me she wasn't ready to do anything past kissing again, I said okay that's fine don't be sorry but asked if she knew why she wasn't ready because before she has suggested things such as 'feeling bad for her parents' but this time she just said she didn't know and could only say she wasn't ready. I told her it was completely fine and that I'll only ever want to do what she is comfortable with but let her know that I am more than ready myself and asked her to please let me know when she felt up to it. We had a nice night and following day after that but I can't get past it. It's something I think and fantasise about multiple times a day and I really thought we were getting somewhere but now I'm really confused and frustrated. She also acknowledged that we hadn't really done anything bad and she doesn't know why she feels the way she does. My parents are very relaxed and have told me as long as we're safe they don't mind me doing anything with her, her dad is similar but her mum is slightly stricter and catholic. Although she has said to my gf that she doesn't mind what she does (she is the of age of consent after all) but she just wants her to discuss it with her. I have friends coming into school each day telling me all about what they get up to (and even though I find telling your friends that shit pretty disgusting) it makes me so so jealous. I know what I should and almost certainly will do, wait, but I was just hoping for other people's opinions on the situation.

Hello, I will start by saying that this might be a long read, but I could really use some advice. I’m a young mom and have no other friends or family that have been able to give me advice and seemed like the better sub to post rather than the divorce sub.
My partner and I are currently getting a divorce. We married quite young, long distance for most of our relationship and when we met, I had a 11th months old. He stepped up and took the role as dad when my son called him dad for the first time. he has always been the most gentle, kind, and caring parent. And although things did not work between us, we have tried to maintain his and my son’s relationship as he’s the only father he’s ever known for the seven years he’s been alive.
Now, as I said things did not work between us as a couple , and at first I really struggled, but now I have moved on and I am moving onto better things my problem is that my ex partner is like a monster. It’s like looking at an evil twin or a complete stranger. I get it when things don’t work out people change but in all the years I’ve known him I’ve never seen him be cruel, or even mean the way he is to me now. It started off that he would miss days of calling when we were together he video chatted every day as we were working on the visa process and had hours of conversations with me and our son but since we separated, as I said, he would go days without calling. he would say he was drunk or hung over or too busy and I put up with it. I bent over backwards to try and make it work, but I had to have the conversation with my son alone about how we broke up and are no longer moving in together. I had to hold him while he cried and begged me to call his dad so he could ask him why he doesn’t love me anymore. In one month he missed calling 18 days out of 31. When I called him out on the behavior, it was always the same shit as in our relationship. He would apologize and say I was right and it wouldn’t happen again and he would be good for a few days and behold about a week to two weeks later, he’d be back to the same shitty behavior.
So instead of cutting it off, I bent over backwards to make it work again. I told him obviously it was hard to maintain the schedule so I wanted to go down to two calls a week Monday and Friday, between between 7 PM to 8:30 PM. If he didn’t call on that day between that time, he would forfeit his call until the next day we agreed on. He called the first two times and then missed the next two without texting or explaining. He texted me once saying he was in the hospital and was unable to call. Now this is a person that I care about and so instead of not responding I sent him a message saying I hope he was okay, and if he needed to talk, I was here etc. no response. Lo and behold I have a call with his parents as they are grandparents to my son and call every few days to video chat with us and they inform me that he wasn’t in the hospital. He was at Disneyland with his friends.
Another important note I hate how it sounds but he does send me money every month, it was an agreement he made with the lawyer so I wouldn’t go for alimony and we could set our own amount out of court as his lawyer said we had bought a car together I helped put a down payment on the house we were moving into I had quit my job and started selling things in order to move with him, he encouraged me to quit and drop out of School which I know now I shouldn’t have done, but the agreement he made with his lawyer is a set amount every month. to go back to school in the fall. I do not want him to support me forever. I am not trying to stay home and live off his money. So I sent him a message as he was five days late he informed me that he would not be able to send me the agreed-upon amount. I did not respond to his message and he said that the divorce paper should be coming soon and he hopes I won’t drag it out and I can just “ just sign the paper so it can be fucking over with”. I had previously talked to his parents about how he constantly makes me feel like a burden, how I have to continue to have conversations about less and less time with my son about his dad because he won’t remain consistent. I cried and told him how tired I was. They said I should talk to him, but they were going to visit him in two weeks and would have a conversation with him as well.
Something about that made me hit my breaking point. I took my time, but I sent him a long message letting him know that for one, his parents have agreed to be our go-between and he is well aware that his mom and I have already had this conversation. He is well aware that I told her I am willing to sign the papers uncontested immediately I have done nothing but bend over backwards and try to make this process as smooth as possible. I want him to be happy, but I am sick and tired of the way that he treats me. I’ve done everything to try and maintain his and my sons relationship when he gives bare minimum effort and treats me like garbage. I let him know that he said he wanted to continue to parent together, but if I try to call him about our son or something that has happened with our son, he doesn’t answer. I told him he makes me feel scared and completely alone. I’m scared to send him pictures of our son or his achievements. I’m scared to call him if something bad happens. I let him know that I knew he lied to me about the hospital at the end. I said I am not asking you to be my best friend or my partner. I’m asking you to treat me with basic human decency and respect. I don’t know what I expected, but his response was “ that text was completely unnecessary and stupid, it’s not my fault if you take everything I say the wrong way”.
My response was I do think that it was necessary. You treat me horribly and I’ve been scared to bring it up with you. And now you know how I feel you can either take it into consideration and adjust your behaviour or you can continue acting the way you do, knowing how it affects me and our son. He said he just wanted the divorce over with so he could move on with his life. I said we’ve both moved on with our lives already the only thing we haven’t done is no contact because of our son so unless you mean once the divorce is final, you no longer want a relationship with him then I’m unsure what your referring to. Are you going to want a relationship with him because if not, I would rather have that conversation sooner rather than later. He said he just wanted the divorce to be fucking done and he would call Wednesday for our son. I blocked him immediately after that.
It’s now Wednesday and I feel completely stressed out. The way that he was treating me and talking to me is unacceptable and I know most peoples’s opinions are to cut it off because it’s long distance anyways. And maybe it sounds awful but the truth is, I am scared that he will cut me off financially if I don’t allow him to treat me like crap and call our son when he feels like it. If I had a job even crappy minimum wage and could scrape by I would cut him off in a heartbeat. that’s what I’m working towards right now but until then I do have to rely on him. But I’m so tired of bending over backwards being treated like garbage and as long as this post already, this isn’t even half of what he’s done. Name calling, long, angry rants at first about how much he hated me and communicated with me for our son, lying to me, making up stories to our friends and parents about me, posting on social media about me or post directed towards me, he watched me vomit faint and end up in the hospital and chose to go out with his friends to drink.
But now I’m stuck at what to do, do I allow this until the paperwork is final? Our paperwork says that he will continue to send me that amount for the next year, but it’s not legal until the divorce goes through and is signed. Or do I keep him blocked and take the chance? I hate how Golddigger it sounds but until I find some thing, even if it’s a hole in the wall with minimum wage I feel like I have to keep giving in to whatever he wants. I’m just so tired.

Me 30F and my bf 32M have been in a relationship for over 1.5 years, we met almost 2 years ago. Before meeting him, I was on Tinder with a clear caption stating, that I'd only look for platonic friendship connections. It was an experiment I did for fun, just to see how Tinder was like, since I've never used it before (I was in a long-term relationship before and never did the whole app dating). During this time, a met my friend (34M), let's call him Alex. Alex knew from the beginning that there was no romantic or intimate interest, so we became friends. I like how creative he is, we don't meet up often, but he does some cool stuff, has a lot of friends and I get to hang out with more people like 1 a year thanks to his big birthday party he throws. We have artsy interests in common and can love to talk about cooking, etc. My bf and I are more introverts than extroverts, so we stay inside a lot, watch movies, don't really try new things bc work is very demanding for the both of us. I don't have a lot of friends and enjoy having a few like Alex, who doesn't forget about me and forgives me for not being super social all the time (I just don't have the energy).
Here comes my concern: My bf is not feeling comfortable with me hanging out with him, bv of the way we met (Tinder). I asked my bf to meet him, give him a chance and feel the vibes/energy to get a better picture. He doesn't wanna do it. He says it's a dead end for him, bc he can't change the way he feels about this friendship. I feel uncomfortable each time Alex and I wanna hang out (it's not much, maybe once every few months), since I obv tell my bf about it. Once his name falls, my bf's mood and behaviour shifts, he is not happy about it. He doesn't tell me to stop seeing him, but was very clear that he doesn't like it, he'd prefer me not to, but he can't force me.
I don't know what to do, bc I love my bf very much, we are in a happy relationship and rarely argue. We enjoy each other's company and see us getting married in the future. I would like to make this dark cloud that's hanging over us to disappear, so my bf can just be happy for me to do fun new things like roller skating, sketching in the park etc. I know that mentioning my wish for him to feel happy for him would make him say sth like "but I can't change my feelings" and "my feelings matter too", which is true. Since he doesn't want to meet Alex, I am stuck.
FYI: my bf is not interested in those things, I also would like to have some hobbies and social activities on my own, since I have a bit more of a desire to do stuff than him. He's a total home body and loves it, which I respect.
Question: what should I do about it? Let it go or try harder to convince my bf? And if so, any advice on how?

English is noty first language.
(F20) I've had some bad crushes/limerence states for people that were mostly triggered by dreams which would be clearly considered animus dreams. However, the worst one I've had was two years ago, and it lasted for more than a year. It made me do some stupid shit but at the end, distance made me forget about him.
However, now I've had a dream of my professor, which I would like you to interpret. It's literally messing me up because I can't stop imagining his presence with me in my daily routine, and as soon as I try to study, I start having sexual fantasies about my professor. The problem is that I love the feeling but I'm also well aware that if I let myself live it too much, there will be catastrophic consequences. So I need help.
I hadn't met the professor nor thought about him for months. He does make students think a lot about him because he has a complex character, but I hadn't been thinking about him for a while. He has an energy that I can only describe as motherly, as in a mother who is very harsh but deep down is the most loving and sensitive person, who cares about her children (for him, it's his students). I had criticized him A LOT because of the way he kind of tends to "humiliate" students, including me, when we ask a question. But I knew that deep down he's probably a very insecure person and uses it as a defense mechanism of some sort, and can actually be very kind outside of class (as he clearly had been in a few occasions).
The dream: (There's a pattern that I've noticed among dreams that are clearly my animus and that cause me limerence. They're always dreams with super cozy environments, a lot of positive energy with a lot of natural light, sometimes even actual sun rays entering the room. And it's always a man that I find attractive to some degree, talking to me face to face while we're standing, never sitting. There's always a lot of eye contact)
I had just waken up in a cozy apartment, or house. It was a very sunny morning and there were actual sun rays entering the room through the windows. There were a lot of windows. My friend and classmate in college, who's a slightly older woman (F48), was my flatmate, and we were like opening the windows and curtains to change the air a little bit as we had just waken up. The house was cluttered but felt welcoming. Everything was very white, like the furniture and the cupboards in the kitchen. There were two little girls, like 10 yo, playing and laughing in the apartment and they were eating candy. One of them was chubby (I grew up chubby and still am). As I was opening the curtains in the living room, I saw outside the window that there was a big nice car parked at our front door. On the driver's seat was the professor (M36) who didn't see me as he was looking down, almost like he was looking at his phone. I closed the curtain because it felt like the right thing to do as he was outside. He was wearing his usual white/light blue shirt. Btw, on the other side of the road was a small supermarket (I'm European, so don't think of Walmart, we have small supermarkets in the city) with a lot of people going around, and just a lot of livelihood. I went to do something and meanwhile everyone in the house (my friend and the two girls) wouldn't show up anymore. A minute later, someone rang on the door. I opened, and it was the professor. He was wearing dark clothes, unlike when I saw him in the car, and in real life he never wears dark clothes. I welcomed him and he was very formal and laid-back, as usual. I think he brought something with him but I'm not sure if I added this element by mistake while trying to remember the dream. I would say it was a huge bag of candy (remember the two girls eating candy). But I realized that he couldn't come in because there was a drying rack with our clothes on it, outside our front door, and it was acting as a barrier between me and him, and preventing him for coming in. As soon as I realized, I moved it aside with a lot of energy, because I felt awkward, and welcomed him in. When he got in, we stood in the middle of the living room. I didn't even tell him to sit on a couch, maybe beacuse there were no couches. Anyway, he started telling me something about what books I should use to write a certain essay. He mentioned a book that I remembered I had and ran (literally ran) to get it from my bedroom. Then as he was leaving, one of us was trying to give the other an object, maybe the same book, but it stuck (as if there were glue on it) to the waistband of my shorts (I was wearing at-home clothes which makes it weirder because I'm usually quite modest in my clothing, but then I was wearing shorts and a cropped tank top). He helped me very gently and in a laid-back way to unglue it from my waist area (I was wearing a crop-top). He sparked like a nervous laugh for the situation. That was something I definitely perceived as sexually tense. Also, it felt nice because he tried to help me in a gentle way. Then he left and the dream ended.
Help.

With my fp I get intensely attached, I care for them intensely, but I also split on them intensely. It’s like I have black and white thinking.
But with friends, family, and my kids, I can care for the. Intensely but also rationalize, understand, empathize or, work together to find a solution, and let go.
Does anyone else have these struggles ?
I get so frustrated with myself because I can be rational, but with my fp the splitting is intense and painful, I’m always looking for solutions, always feel triggered once they hurt me.

So my (28M) girlfriend (36F) and me both climb together and there's this local climbing competition where you have to sign up as a team of four and compete as a team of four. I told my girlfriend about this, that we should participate and she was up for it!
So my girlfriend and me are forming a team, the husband (41M) of my girlfriend is also joining and now we have to find a 4th person.
Last Saturday I met a girl (let's call her "C") at another climbing gym, with whom I climbed with for the first time. I have asked C if she would be up for joining our team. I told my girlfriend about this and she asked why I did that and whether it would be like a date with C. (my side of the relationship with my girlfriend is open, though I don't necessarily seek out a new relationship but I am also not opposed to it)(my girlfriend also has a husband already so that way it's more about keeping some parity)
I said no it wouldn't be a date, I said I just thought she would fit into the dynamic of our team, personality-wise. Then my girlfriend asked whether I am attracted. I said it's neutral but she is cool to me and I might be open to dating "C" at some point. My girlfriend feels hurt, angry and says I'm sleazy because she'd feel insecure to meet someone who might be a potential dating partner for me at some point. She questions my intention. I have to confess that I like the idea of being in a team where my girlfriend and another woman are both into me, but of course I wouldn't invite C or anyone my girlfriend would be uncomfortable with. Considering my girlfriend has a husband and I, her boyfriend, would be there as well, I thought she'd be ok with it. She argues that her husband has always been in the picture since the start of our relationship and that I have always been accepting and supportive of that (which is true).
I have to think a bit for myself as to why I did this, I definitely didn't want to deliberately hurt my girlfriend as I would never do that. But I have been self-reflecting a bit, and I guess I did maybe want to make my girlfriend just a little bit insecure as to keep her on her toes and as to not let her have too much power over me, considering the nature of our relationship.
Also, my girlfriend was also wanted to invite her male friend to our tea. This male friend has already tried to make a move on her, which my gf has rejected. But my gf still hangs out with this friend and this friend still tries to flirt with her. This is ok in my book as long as my gf doesn't flirt back, which I trust her to not do. She said she is not attracted to him at all. Still, I do find it hypocritical on my girlfriend. Like she would like forming a team of 4 with her husband, her boyfriend (me) and a male friend who is into her and that she hangs out with for climbing/cycling. But me inviting one girl that I have zero kind of affinity with, she feels extremely hurt.

Me and my partner have been together for almost 9 years we’ve been together since we’ve been really young. We have always had a great relationship. We both were our own people in the relationship and we’re never codependent on one another. Now that we’re a bit older I’m trying to figure out what it is that I am looking for in life and one of my main aspirations is to move to a different country and my partner also wants to do this. I have spent a lot of time looking at my relationships, including friends, family, and my partner. I’m currently in stage of where I’m trying to figure out what it is that I need to make me feel fulfilled. I do everything that I want to do, I do various hobbies that make me very happy, but I have found that me and my partner have been struggling when it comes to communication which has been making me unhappy and upset. He has always struggled with communication in terms of saying I don’t know in regards to how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking about and this has put a strain on our relationship when we are going through a rough patch because it feels like I’m the only one who does the talking. And right now I’m in the middle of figuring out do we stay together or not? I have said to him that I need him to communicate with me otherwise, this relationship isn’t going to work and I want to allow him the time to figure out what he needs to do in terms of whether that is counseling, speaking to a friend or just in general speaking to someone they trust in terms of getting advice on how he can be a better partner, but time is too much time? I’ve been promised change before and it is never what is needed so I will this time be different? When speaking about this I’ve never seen him so upset and apologetic and constantly promising me that he’s figuring it out and he’s doing everything he can to work on this relationship. I have said to him we’ve been here before when his words have been promised and I need to see the action before I can become excepting that this relationship is going to last. I know he has had many struggles of his own and he still trying to figure out who he is, but I know a lot I know he has had many struggles of his own and he still trying to figure out who he is, but I know a lot no longer want that to be an excuse for that to be an excuse or a reason to let this slip under the radar. I would appreciate any advice, as well as please be mindful that I have been in this relationship with this person for so long we love each other, our families. We’ve made a lot of memories together. We have had a very strong long lasting relationship and have been through a lot. We are godparents, we’ve experienced a miscarriage, we’ve moved across country, and I really just would appreciate if someone can see how vulnerable I am right now. Thank you.

Every now and then I'll see a post by someone talking about how Toga is the MHA villain they dislike the most, with it usually being along the lines of "F**k this f**king b*tch! She's such a f**king hypocrite! She's mad that the heroes killed Twice when she f**king constantly goes around killing people?!".
Thankfully there are some people who are more civil in their criticism, and yeah, usually the issue is that the person dislikes Toga because they feel she's a giant hypocrite for condemning the heroes for killing Twice after all the people the LOV has killed and are planning to kill and her especially given she is a literal serial killer, and that likewise such hypocrisy makes her a bad and poorly written character.
I respectfully disagree. Not that she's isn't a hypocrite, as she absolutely is one, but I disagree that it makes her a bad or poorly written character. In fact she's one of my favorites of the villains, and the hypocrisy of her character is intentional by the writing.
Toga is a person who does not fully understand empathy, in no small part because she was not shown any during her developmental years growing up. She had a fascination with blood because it was part of how her Quirk worked and she was too young to understand the societal stigma with blood. Instead of trying to help her understand or empathize with the pain losing blood causes, instead of trying to help her find health outlets for her interest, her parents instead shamed her and treated her like a monster, forbidding her from ever showing that interest again and being emotionally abusive to the point she'd break down in tears whenever she would show it, as she had no idea what it was she did wrong and why she was being screamed at.
She wasn't born wanting to kill people. Her Quirk gave her an interest in blood and that was the extent of it. Up until the event in middle school where she finally snapped and attacked a fellow student Toga never inflicted harm upon anyone. The first human blood she ever consumed was when a friend tripped and skinned her knee and Toga sucked on the injury because she believed it'd help them hurt less and show that she cared. She didn't even hurt the dead bird whose blood she drank, she just found it. It was only because of years of parental abuse and suppressing her interests out of fear that her interest became warped into an obsession and eventually into a fetish. She bottled everything up and had no safe space to talk about the things she was feeling with anyone. Left unaddressed of course they became warped.
Toga seemed like a totally normal girl to everyone who knew her at school because that's the way she deliberately acted, actively suppressing her interest in blood and never talking about any of her problems with anyone because she was taught very early on that such abnormality was not acceptable. She was shamed into putting on a mask whenever she was in public. To everyone else it seemed like she just suddenly snapped but we the audience get to see pretty well through her backstory that it wasn't sudden. Her snapping was a result of the issues that's long been boiling beneath the surface that she never felt like she could address.
Toga, on some level, does not really comprehend the pain she inflicts upon others when she stabs or kills people in her shows of "love". She has no empathy for her victims because she is just that blinded by her warped lust for blood and the feelings she associates with it that she believes are love.
But things started to change after she met and befriended Twice.
The boy she had a crush on in middle school, that was a crush she developed after she saw him beat up and bloody. She thought she was in love with him because she was applying the feelings she associates with blood to him, and it's the same with Midoriya. But Twice was more than likely the first genuine emotional connection Toga ever had with another human being, being based in an actual bond rather than just infatuation and lust. Twice cared for her, did what he could to help her whenever she needed it, and always showed her kindness and understanding, and she likewise found herself caring for him and showing him the kindness and understanding he needed. She and Twice had nothing hidden from each other, accepted each other faults and all, and tried to help each other as best as they could, even if they were both too damaged to pick each other out of the darkness.
It's why his death hit her so hard, as losing him is likewise the closest Toga has ever come to feeling the same pain that she has inflicted upon others. It left her so lost and confused that she reached out to Uraraka in the hopes that she could help her work through and understand what she was feeling.
Yes, Toga is a hypocrite for being so upset and condemning of the heroes for killing Twice after all the innocent people she's killed, not because she has a mindset like "I can hit you but you're not allowed to hit me." but rather because of a genuinely messed up mental state that does not even fully understand that it is hypocrisy.
Toga knows she's not a hero. She's been dubbed a monster and a demon child her entire life even before she started killing. But the heroes say they are all about saving people, so was Twice not a person in their eyes? Because he absolutely was one to her, in a way no one ever had been.
During the war arc there was an opportunity that had opened up to get Toga to understand the pain she inflicts upon others, this awful feeling she's going through right now. There was a chance to pull Toga back from the edge...and she ended up being pushed right over it.
I'm not blaming Uraraka for how things went down, of course. She had no idea what Toga was even talking about initially. But it still had an effect, which Uraraka saw after everything was done and thus why she regrets her words. Toga reached out to Uraraka because she believed that she was someone who understood her and thus she'd be able to help her understand the pain she's feeling after Twice's death. But because of the situation and general misunderstanding of each other, Uraraka's words to Toga essentially came across as "Twice was nothing but a villain who got what was coming to him and so will you.". Who Twice was and why he was like that didn't matter, nor did it with Toga, basically reinforcing to Toga that she had no place in the existing world. Your pain doesn't matter because you're a villain, regardless of what made you this way. Your humanity only exists if it falls within what society deems as normal.
Toga doubled-down afterwards on her support of Shigaraki's goal of just destroying everything because that seemed like the only path left for her other than just laying down and dying. Even before she ever actually did anything bad the world made it clear through her parents that she was not welcome in it. At every opportunity the world refused to meet the members who'd eventually join the League of Villains even halfway, thus why Toga and rest of them eventually decided "Then f**k this world.".
All of this is why Toga is Uraraka's villain in the story, as Uraraka is a very empathetic person. She didn't have a life that was at all like what Toga's was. Her family may have been poor but her parents absolutely loved her and constantly made their love for her clear, always trying to do right by her regardless of the strain of their own lives. It's through them that Uraraka learned empathy and compassion for others. Why she wanted to get a good job that'd take some of the burden off their backs, why she wanted to become someone who could look out for heroes like Eel Boy, Nighteye, and Midoriya who are always trying to take care of everyone else, and eventually why she noticed the pain behind the madness that Toga had.
Uraraka pushes so hard to show Toga empathy and understanding in the final arc, despite everything she has done, because she knows she needs to make that first step towards her. Toga was long past being able to just come to an understanding about empathy on her own. She needed someone who didn't have to care about her to care about her. Someone who could actually pull her out of the darkness rather than just keeping her company in it like Twice and the LOV.
Uraraka couldn't fully save Toga in the end. Too much damage had been done. But her actions and her words were far from meaningless. She gave Toga one of the few true moments of peace and happiness she's had in her life and she taught Toga empathy. The girl who selfishly took blood by force from so many others became someone willing to give all of her own blood to try and save the one person she didn't want the world to be without.
TL;DR: Toga is a hypocrite because she is a deeply damaged individual whose story is about the need to show and learn empathy, not because she's just some b*tch.

Me and my partner have been together for almost 9 years we’ve been together since we’ve been really young. We have always had a great relationship. We both were our own people in the relationship and we’re never codependent on one another. Now that we’re a bit older I’m trying to figure out what it is that I am looking for in life and one of my main aspirations is to move to a different country and my partner also wants to do this. I have spent a lot of time looking at my relationships, including friends, family, and my partner. I’m currently in stage of where I’m trying to figure out what it is that I need to make me feel fulfilled. I do everything that I want to do, I do various hobbies that make me very happy, but I have found that me and my partner have been struggling when it comes to communication which has been making me unhappy and upset. He has always struggled with communication in terms of saying I don’t know in regards to how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking about and this has put a strain on our relationship when we are going through a rough patch because it feels like I’m the only one who does the talking. And right now I’m in the middle of figuring out do we stay together or not? I have said to him that I need him to communicate with me otherwise, this relationship isn’t going to work and I want to allow him the time to figure out what he needs to do in terms of whether that is counseling, speaking to a friend or just in general speaking to someone they trust in terms of getting advice on how he can be a better partner, but time is too much time? I’ve been promised change before and it is never what is needed so I will this time be different? When speaking about this I’ve never seen him so upset and apologetic and constantly promising me that he’s figuring it out and he’s doing everything he can to work on this relationship. I have said to him we’ve been here before when his words have been promised and I need to see the action before I can become excepting that this relationship is going to last. I know he has had many struggles of his own and he still trying to figure out who he is, but I know a lot I know he has had many struggles of his own and he still trying to figure out who he is, but I know a lot no longer want that to be an excuse for that to be an excuse or a reason to let this slip under the radar. I would appreciate any advice, as well as please be mindful that I have been in this relationship with this person for so long we love each other, our families. We’ve made a lot of memories together. We have had a very strong long lasting relationship and have been through a lot. We are godparents, we’ve experienced a miscarriage, we’ve moved across country, and I really just would appreciate if someone can see how vulnerable I am right now. Thank you.

these two statements have always made me go "huh?", i cant conceptualize whats so fun about having sex or eating pizza, yes, sex with someone you love and loves you back is lifechanging experience, it feels really pleasurable, yes, pizza is tasty, but from that to claiming it is "fun" is where i cant comprehend, like when i feel bored i dont think about having sex or eating pizza, some even say it helps with sadness and im like what? i dont remember ever eating pizza and feeling happier, like i said pizza is tasty, but it is not something i would eat to cure sadness nor cuz im bored, it is only "fun" when i share with friends, by my own is something taste i can eat sometimes, Sex is an awesome bonding activity with someone you love and loves you back and you re attracted to them, but is not something i would think about when im bored, if im bored i think about going high speed driving in lonely roads, or playing ball or watching a movie or play video-games, whatever,
so thats why i always cant help but to feel icky when someone says "vanilla sex is boring" or "sex with hot guys is fun even if they suck in bed, with nice guys is boring". And then someone told me something that left me perplexed, he told that he knows gays and lesbians who have straight sex for the "fun" of it.....
and the best one, some guy who said the straightest dude he knows had sex with his male roommate like 4 times before deciding he was "straight", but it was still fun...🤨🤨

So, I want to preface this by saying that obviously not all cishet straight men are hypercritical when it comes to my appearance, and I have cishet straight male family and friends who probably wouldn't do this to their partners.
But I want to talk about the anxiety I now feel about my body and being intimate as a result of my experiences.
For context, I (Demisexual/Bisexual Cis Female, age 40) have had a lot of difficulties dating. From age 14 until now, I have had 5 serious relationships, one short long-distance relationship, and five dates that never led to a relationship. I have been married once.
My ex-girlfriend of two years and the three cis queer women, one AFAB lesbian enby, and one pansexual gender queer guy I went on dates with were incredibly accepting about my surgery scars and acne scars and the fact that I'm plus-sized. All of them told me they found me beautiful and cute.
All but one of the cishet straight men I have been with (including my abusive ex-husband) made me feel like garbage about my body.
I didn't shave "close enough" (aka look like a pre-adolescent child), backhanded comments about my weight, comparing me to porn stars...I came away from those relationships feeling so much self-hatred, convinced I was ugly.
Is this only my experience? Is my "picker broken" when it comes to finding cishet straight men who won't body-shame me? Or are women, enbies, and bi/pan guys more likely to accept my flawed body as it is?

TLDR: We met online and got into LDR. Despite having multiple and only LDR experiences, she felt insecure because things are going too fast and she was traumatized by her exes and wanted to be friends or even completely cut off instead.
We met on Reddit few months ago. Both of us knew we have to start from a long-term LDR and potentially change into personal in the future.
We like each other's physical appearances, share basically the same hobbies, interests, life goals and value orientations, and have a similar sex drive, so we hit it off almost immediately.
We both prefer quality time and words of affirmation as love language, so we would spend almost 24/7 on voice/video call with each other because we both have a clingy personality, and we enjoy spending time with each other. We would talk about anything, from small talks to life events, or just nothing and feel each other's presence while having personal time. We also express our affection towards each other frequently, provide emotional support and would sometimes do nsfw together.
We are very open about our personal lives. We would introduce each other to irl friends, share childhood memories with each other, provide guidance and advice in career development etc. We are also very transparent on the history of our relationships.
Everything was going perfectly fine until few days ago when we were sharing our childhood past and we were having a very good time. She showed me a picture of herself when she was in high school, and I complimented on how well she dressed. She then told me to stop and hung up on me out of the blue. I asked what happened and she mentioned she needed some space, so I backed off a little and told her to let me know when she's ready to talk.
Fast forward to yesterday, she texted me saying she noticed our relationship was being too fast for her, that she was not secure enough to share anything to me anymore. I asked if there's anything wrong on my part but she responded with "it's not you it's me." We did not mention anything about commitment when we were actively talking (because it has only been a few months), and I frequently mentioned to her that I am willing to take things slow and steady.
She has told me before that she had been in a few relationships before, with all of them being LDR. The most recent one was with her ex for 3 years and broke up about a year ago. She mentioned the reason for breakup was because her ex was not ready for commitment when he asked her to relocate to the same country. According to her, her ex wants her to move to the same country as him, but was unable to provide any financial support and refused to commit to the relationship because he did not want to settle yet, when she was already planning for marriage if she were to relocate.
She was scarred and traumatized by it and was afraid to move forward with me because she does not want the relationship to fail and get hurt again, especially when we're moving too fast in the relationship. She starts to question about the genuineness of the words of affirmation I told her, and compare me with her other exes. I asked her if she loves me from the bottom of her heart, in which she replied with yes, but was just too afraid to move on to the next step because of the fear of failure. I also asked if she found any difference in me compared to all of her exes, and she told me I was the best person she's ever dated, but was unsure about seeing any differences in me.
I know sense of security is a very big thing in LDR, and that's what I was already expecting when I decided to start a relationship with her. I tried to provide her as much emotional support as possible and she told me she was very appreciated about them. She loved and enjoyed the time I was being around her and would love to be around me more, but just was not sure if we should go further, and asked me if we should just be friends, or completely cut each other off. Should I just leave or should I try harder to give her more sense of security? Is there anything else I could do if I want to save this relationship?

I’ve never been in an actual relationship before. Only situationships where I hoped the man would fall in love with me and choose me to be their girlfriend. I’m not used of men being nice to me or doing the right things for me. I wonder if I’m self sabotaging a potential good relationship, or if some of these are red flags. I matched with this guy on Hinge back in January. I didn’t take him much seriously. Part of me wasn’t comfortable with my appearance and I was afraid he may have been someone who was vain. He complimented my looks and said the fact, I liked to work out was attractive.
My insecurity of my appearance sort of stems from the last man I was intimate with, who body shamed me. So I tried to distance myself or a while until I was comfortable , but it may have backfired and just peaked his interest even more. He still reached out. He also learned what I did for a living. I’m somewhat of a public figure who’s on tv. He mentioned how me being google able was attractive. This was while we were still on the app. He quickly apologized and said he didn’t want to be creepy, but was just interested in my work. He seemed sweet and was persistent/ patient. I decided to move things off the app. We started texting, but I wasn’t as consistent. We planned a date and I chickened out last minute. I just worried on if he had this image of me built up in his head. If he built me up to being his dream girl or saw importance in me, because of surface level things. He said how he worried if i was out of his league because of my occupation and a fun celebrity encounter I mentioned in my prompt on hinge .
I worried if he felt Like he was about to date a celebrity. In reality, I’m a shy introverted and often insecure woman, who has social anxiety. People have told me in the past, they can tell I’m shy and self conscious. I didn’t want to come across that way with him. I just told him I wasn’t ready to date and used work as an excuse. He was understanding and said he genuinely wanted to be my friend. He was kind and I felt bad, so I decided to meet up with him. We hit it off. He was great and I felt comfortable around him. He did and said all the right things.
Even as friends, he said he understood where I was in life (I explained I had a parent battling cancer.) he said when I felt ready to date, he’d be there. He said he wanted to show me around town. I thought it was sweet. He’d check on me periodically asking about my parents and If I was okay. He set up dates. I began to fall for him.
But, it sounded like his last relationship was still a new breakup. They had been with each other for a long time and broke up just 3 months prior to us matching. He’d bring her up every now and then. And I worried if he wasn’t over her yet. He also has a ton of friends and can be very social and it made me wonder if we were incompatible, given my introvertedness and social anxiety. He said this was his first time living alone, since he’s always lived with a friend or his girlfriend previously. Fast forward to recently, we admitted we had feelings for each other. He kissed me and it led to us having amazing sex. He seemed to want me to be around often / see me a lot after that. He said he wanted to prioritize me. I don’t know how dating works and how normal or how often you should be around someone.
He even asked me if I could see myself living at his home, If things worked out. It’s what he wanted, but said he understood how we need to take our time. He also said how he loves weddings because it’s a celebration of his friends. He’s been to a lot and a majority of his friends are married. He shared with me how he has a list of people he’s inviting to his wedding. He shared the list with me and explained who each friend was.
He has a large friend group and they vacation a lot with each other. He asked what my thoughts were on male and female friendships because he has a lot of female friends then most and he wanted to be transparent with me. From it looks and sounds like he has female friends but they do things together as a group along with his male friends and most of the women have boyfriends so I didn’t see it as a red flag.
He says he wants to date with the intention of a relationship with me. But I went down a rabbit hole and discovered that he still follows his ex on Instagram. She still has Instagram highlights of all the vacations they went on together. They’ve traveled the world together. I don’t even have a passport and started to feel insecure. I’m not really adventurous and can’t even swim and just seeing all the activities they’ve done made me get in my head on how I’m not the woman for him . I explained to him previously that I haven’t traveled before and he said we could change that if things worked out. Which was sweet, but seeing their vacations together made me feel a bit insecure.
Some of them was with his group of friends and they all seemed to have a good time partying and enjoying all these fun activities together. It looked like a lifestyle, I probably wouldn’t fit in with. Although one I would like to experience, I just know how I am and know how awkward I can be. I began to feel this way when we went on our recent date. I was in the car with him and I think he expected me to dance when he played my favorite song and I just sat there feeling awkward. I have social anxiety & can freeze when overwhelmed . I also forgot to let him open the doors for me. I just got in and out of the car and realized that’s what he was trying to do once I was out of the car. Now I’m thinking about how it’s only a matter of time before he realizes I’m not this woman he thought I was. I’m inexperienced & the bar is low . How my awkward insecure self will be displayed soon.
He’s been doing everything right and is the most kindest guy I’ve met. Like coming over with food & medicine when I was sick. Plannning dates, checking on me when he knows I’m having a hard time. Always texting me & wants to be around me. He’s done his research on me too. He said he’s looked up more about my hometown, my work and keeps notes on the things I tell him that I like. But am I ruining things or is some of this red flags ? Especially, how he and his ex still follow each other. She’s still friends with his friend group on social media too.
She’s moved away and isn’t even the same city as we are anymore, but I still worry if this is a red flag. He also thinks I’ve been in a long term relationship prior to this too. I lied because I didn’t want to tell someone new, I’ve never dated before and just had trash experiences with men. He seems to think highly of me, but I worry on how soon that could change and if I will be left heartbroken

I have an anxiety disorder on top of several other issues. My husband is currently battling a pretty serious health issue (should be resolved in a few months) and I have no other help. My parents live in a different town and Mom works 2 jobs while Dad cares for their home that always falling apart even though he is legally disabled and shouldn't. I have one brother who is married with a toddler and twins on the way. My husband's family is very broken and not available to help.
To top it off I'm 18 weeks pregnant and have a 10 month old. If I would have known things would get this hard we wouldn't have stopped preventing pregnancy and waiting longer for our second.
This morning I woke up feeling like shit but someone had to get the crying, teething baby. So that someone is me. I got her up and changed after I threw on clothes and headed downstairs to feed her and do the morning chores. Washing dishes, taking out the dog, feeding myself, cleaning what wasn't cleaned the night before. Then my husband comes down and leaves for work and my baby refuses to nap. Teething pain has her crying non stop. She finally fell asleep but not at her normal time so her schedule is all messed up now. I haven't had a chance to rest cuz I'm busy with the day to day random stuff. Fix this, move that, plan this, book that. Today is also laundry day. One of a few. So constantly running to the basement to swap loads.
I need help. No friends to take the load off, no family willing to drop it all. Husband is doing all he can just to keep up his job while sick. I'm pushing myself past my limit and I am so burnt out that I'm getting depression again. Sad, scary, angry thoughts fill my head. Yes I've looked into therapy but I have to get my husband to get me the insurance details and fill out forms to do it online and fit that in with all the appointments and things. Why is it stressful to even get THERAPY now?
I'm not sure how everyone else does it. I'm sinking here and have no idea what to do. I don't have the energy for hobbies and I'm becoming a boring lazy mom that watches cartoons all day and scrolls my phone.

Boone
It had been a very busy seventy two hours. Boone had underestimated just how industrious and efficient human led organizations could be. These Undaunted were prompt and effective in seemingly every task they took on.
He now had a home. A proper family home. Complete with some very sturdy walls, an armored door and some concealed defenses that would make anyone short of a warrior in power armor think twice before trying to enter uninvited.
Rooms for himself and nine of his spouses, plus a large nursery with rooms split off from that would potentially see to the housing of his younger daughters till their maturity if they didn't choose to enter the nearby barracks where their other mothers and older sisters were residing earlier. A large common room, and a 'dining room' that could actually seat his entire family and a kitchen that could feed the same. It was a downright luxurious amount of space even planet side, and his new Khan had apologized that he couldn't work out getting more of his wives attached quarters to the family home.
Outrageous. Madness.
It all made Boone feel very... humble.
To be welcomed so freely, to be provided for generously. It almost made him want to weep. To be warm and safe again after long, cold, miserable days that seemed to never end... he stifles a sniffle. He was very emotional these days. More so than normal. A Cannidor showing his or her innermost emotions and thoughts to the world was simply not done for social reasons, but Boone felt like he had his heart affixed to his sleeve. His old stoic self would return, he was sure, but now he just felt... peace, and even as that made him want to weep for what his family had lost, the joy of safety and survival was not to be discounted.
Light of the guides he'd even been put in touch with a counselor, a psychiatrist and the ship's chaplain, a lovely Drin woman who'd wanted to check on his family's spiritual well being, and organize a memorial for his murdered wives and daughters to place in the ship's memorial hall.
It was too much. Simply too much.
Through it all though, Jerry Bridger had made himself available to Boone and his family. Hell he'd played with his children and instructed his daughter Mellek in swordsmanship at one point, leading his daughter to declare herself as Jerry's apprentice, which he had accepted. Karina, his Phosa daughter, snuggled up to him like she'd known the man her entire life. Khan Bridger moved with a poise and confidence that seemed to be infectious. Boone's wives were holding their heads up higher again, and so was Boone if he admitted it.
Perhaps that's what it really meant to be a leader. To be confident in yourself and in your people. To believe in them so much that they couldn't help but believe in themselves. If that was the case then his new Khan was an exceptional role model in that regard, and he hoped his daughters who aspired to the warrior's path would learn everything they could from the khan.
His wives had been given a variety of options for employment as had Boone, with his fighting spouses and one daughter electing to continue the trade of arms. They'd put on the Bridger family colors and serve with Bridger Jaruna's unit of Cannidor warriors. Jerry had even said they'd look into replacing his wives' power armor, and swore that his daughter Enrika would have her chance to earn power armor of her own one day.
Sure they were benefitting largely from structures that were already in place, but again, to be offered so much, to be trusted and welcomed into the fold so readily. Once again, Boone felt very, very humble for all that he'd received, and after finding out they were heading to Coburnia's Rest, he believed he finally had a way to start doing his part at making good on Khan Bridger's investment in his family. He was, for all his own talents, a house husband much of the time. He enjoyed rearing and educating children... but he had something rather rare among the men of the galaxy that might just be of more immediate value than Boone's teaching certificate.
Boone had a brother. A brother who lived on Coburnia's Rest.
A brother who had the connections Jerry was almost certainly looking for.
So Boone waits patiently in the outer office, sipping on a very large mug of a strong herbal tea that was mild for human cuisine, but probably a kick in the teeth to the weaker palates of the galaxy.
That had been a more mundane interesting thing to confirm. He'd heard humans knew how to eat properly, and he was damned sure that was true now!
Another sip of tea, and a few people Boone didn't recognize are striding out of the Khan's office, talking quietly among themselves. From the scent at least a few of them were women of the Bridger household... but some were on the younger side. Too old to be daughters, but almost certainly not wives from how they carried themselves and showed deference to women of the household who most certainly were wives of the Khan.
Adopted daughters perhaps? Boone suppresses a small chuckle. Perhaps Khan Bridger and his family had a habit of taking in strays, and Boone's branch of the Bonraks were simply the latest strays to find a home with the Bridgers.
"Ahem."
Boone looks up as the young lady who served as the Khan's secretary clears her throat.
"Uh... Mister Bonrak? The Admiral will see you now."
"Thank you, miss."
Boone rumbles as he rises and enters Jerry's office, exploring it visually to see if he can glean some more insight into his new Khan's character... and he's... intrigued by all there is to see, from the banners behind his desk, the rack of weapons, trinkets, trophies and mementos, the Khan's battle history was long indeed... but what stood out to Boone was the photos on the wall to the immediate left of the Khan's desk, out of view, he suspected of the lens of the holo comm unit built into the desk.
Just a glance made it clear to Boone at least, that of all the things in this office that Jerry Bridger might prize, his family was what mattered most, and in that, he and Boone were very much of the same mind.
Perhaps that unspoken kinship and understanding between them was what made Boone trust Jerry so implicitly. They shared values on a very deep level, and Jerry clearly fought to live his values in every waking moment of his day.
The Khan rises from his desk and gestures Boone to a seat that had clearly just been enlarged to fit his frame properly.
"Boone, welcome, have a chair... you didn't give Yeoman Chalis much of an explanation so I'm afraid I don't know what we're meeting about today, but I have an open door policy for my people."
Boone arches an eyebrow. "All of your people?"
Jerry nods. "Every last man, woman and child on this ship, or on our escort corvette, the Audacious, can come to me personally and I'll damn well work them into my schedule. Had a meeting with a five year old girl and her Mama the other day. Kid just wanted to give me a present."
Jerry points to the wall of photos towards the bottom, and sure enough, there was a child's drawing of presumably the little girl's family and what Boone figures is a depiction of the Crimson Tear itself with the word 'home' scrawled on it.
"To be so accessible to one's people is something I think Cannidor Khans could learn from you. Despite us being a very direct people, our long lived nature means that the mighty can frequently become isolated in the course of centuries of rule if they don't pay close attention to the realities of life outside their fortress. Many more of them don't seek to 'dirty' themselves with non-martial affairs."
"More fools they, one does not rule via a sword arm alone."
"Quite, my khan. That is in fact what I hope to assist your Undaunted with today. I believe you seek to reach out to the council of Patriarchs. No doubt they are aware of your visit, if your diplomats are worth their pay, but direct contact can be... difficult."
"So I've heard. Were you a member of the council yourself, Boone?"
Boone shakes his head. "No my Khan. Save that every male is a tertiary member of the council and can be called to conclave. In that sense, the council is less a governing body and fundamental part of the Cannidor court system and more a social club for men across Cannidor space. With special attention being paid to boys born without fathers of their own, to ensure they receive appropriate instruction in the ways of the Cannidor. Membership for non-Cannidor men is rare, but not unheard of. Usually only other apex species have the appropriate temperament."
"Right, that lines up with what I've heard more or less, save the social aspect and the focus on providing instruction to boys. That's new."
"Because you have been hearing about the council from women. I also ask you to keep these details... quiet. If not secret. Much of the council's activities are kept behind a veil of mysticism... this is not to say they neglect their religious and political functions, not in the slightest, but it does provide cover for other activities that allow us certain benefits. Fellowship being chief among them. I have lived outside of Cannidor space... and it is a very isolated life for a man. Even a Cannidor. We do not have that problem in our own space, but allow me to cut to the chase."
Boone takes a slow breath.
"I am just a teacher. Just a father."
"There's nothing 'just' about either of those things, Boone." Jerry interrupts, as serious as the rasp of a blade on leather.
"As you say my Khan. I did not mean to diminish those things, merely compare myself to my blood brother, Karnak. He always aspired to greater things... and heard the call of the old gods. He is a shaman, and a member of the council, and he lives on Coburnia's Rest."
Jerry leans in, ensuring Boone knows he has his complete attention in his posture. Even if he had to work a bit to make eye contact with the much taller man, something Boone found amusing, though he would never say that to his Khan's face.
"I don't suppose you're offering to put in a good word for us?"
"One better. We had to flee Irgalas' domain almost immediately. I need to call my brother and inform him of my survival, and my impending visit. I will introduce you to him initially, and see if an audience with the council on Coburnia's Rest can be arranged. It is not the Grand Council, but as the head world of a khanate, the council of patriarchs here has influence thought-out the worlds of the Hammerhands, and all the men of their allied and subordinate clans."
"...And they in turn send representatives to the Grand Council of Patriarchs on Canis Prime? Just like the Grand Council of Matriarchs?"
"Precisely."
The Khan grins, displaying what Boone had been told are called the canine teeth.
"Perfect. Well. Let's give your brother a call, if you need to have a longer chat with him, I can always step out, then we can see to business."
"A proper reunion will have to wait till we're in person any way. Karnak's never liked holo or electronic communication in general. Doesn't consider it trustworthy, but I shall log into your holo comm terminal, and we shall see if my brother will take a call from a ghost."
Boone fiddles with the small controls for a moment before successfully inputting his own comm code and connecting to his brother's device. It rings once and Karnak picks up immediately.
"If this is an attempt to ransom my brother or some sort of prank with a dead man's communicator I swear to your gods that you will- Makua!"
Rage to relief in the blink of an eye... it was good to be missed by those you loved.
"Well met brother."
Karnak's emotional state yo-yo's again, and he shouts into the holo comm;
"Where in the seven hells of Kalinara have you been, you son of a bitch?"
"Don't call our Mother that, she's still more than capable of tanning both our hides."
The two brothers break into chuckles as some of the tension bleeds out.
"As to where I've been... We... were taken as slaves by pirates. Irgalas ignored it if not outright allowed it. I have left her camp, and joined my family to clan Bridger, the head clan of the group that rescued us."
Karnak nods slowly, taking that on board. "...Harika and the others?"
Boone feels a sharp pang in his chest. Harika had been his first wife, a childhood friend that he had loved dearly.
"Harika, Mekarn and a few of the others dine with our ancestors. It's been a few years now... and thankfully they have at last been avenged. It does not give my heart peace, but at the very least there is some sort of justice for them. One of my khan's warriors cut the vile bitch who murdered Harika's head off right in front of me."
Karnak nods slowly. "This is good. I hope you had a chance to rend the corpse to paste and deny them a decent burial."
Jerry takes that as his cue to step in, literally as he moves into frame of the camera. "Boone and his family weren't in any condition to do that at the time, but the corpses of the pirates were tossed in a ravine near the settlement and eradicated via an orbital strike. There's nothing left of them to even fantasize about burying."
"...This too is good. Boone though? Not Makua?"
The question is clearly directed at Boone, and he answers;
"It is the name I'm going by now. You know why."
Karnak nods slowly. Of course he knew exactly why a Cannidor might take a new name, and being dishonored significantly was more than a good enough reason.
"...Tragically I do, Boone, my dear brother." Karnak looks down at Jerry. "I assume you are Khan Bridger then?"
"That's me."
"A human. How interesting."
Jerry arches a brow.
"How'd you guess?"
"If there's a Tret man alive who can stand not just with Cannidor but as a Khan to Cannidor, I want to meet him. Maybe see about arranging a marriage for one of my daughters."
Karnak chuckles, a deep and abiding rage is still in the man's eyes, but Boone can tell his brother is calming down.
"You've rendered my kin and I a great service, Khan Bridger."
"Taking care of one's people is a Khan's duty."
"They weren't your people when you performed it."
Jerry shrugs. "Maybe I'm not picky about who I help. Besides, I have a personal bone to pick with slavers, and the Undaunted as a whole are happy to put every slaver we run into against a wall."
"Such luxury to get put against a wall instead of being shot dead without ceremony like the rabid animals they are." Karnak snarls, his emotions getting the better of him for a moment before he takes a slow breath. "My apologies... my emotions are... compromised. I have always hated slavers, and now, knowing my own brother suffered at their hands I am... very upset."
A mild understatement, Boone thought to himself.
"I don't blame you in the slightest, if I had a brother and he ended up in a similar situation while I actually thought he was dead, I'd be all over the place emotionally too."
Karnak nods slowly and takes another slow breath, purging himself of wild and untamed emotions the way he and Boone had been taught as boys.
"I take it this isn't just a social call though? One doesn't normally reunite with kin in the presence of their new Khan."
"Boone tells me that you're a member of the council of patriarchs on Coburnia's Rest. That's our next stop as it happens. So I want to invite you and your family up to the ship so you can see Boone and his family for a proper reunion..."
"...And you'd like to see about getting an invitation to meet with the council. Of course." Karnak nods slowly. "I can do this for you. Gladly. Happily. Once word of this deed got around I have no doubt you'd have been invited anyway. I'll see about making the arrangements for you and some of the senior men on your staff. I imagine there's a great many men who'd like to speak to you. Boys too. I don't need to tell you that your Undaunted have been causing quite a stir among the Cannidor, and not just winding up the women about another potential source for worthy warrior husbands."
"I imagine a strongly male positive environment where men can excel in any way that they so choose without bias and with lots of male companionship would be even more appealing to Cannidor than it is to many other men in the galaxy."
"To say the very, very least. Should I be blessed enough to have a son I would encourage him to take a tour when he hit maturity myself. Hell, if I didn't have responsibilities of my own and a family to look after I'd likely be packing my bags for Centris. No need to talk through this damned holo though. Brother. Khan. I imagine I will see you very soon."
"You can count on it my brother."
Karnak smiles at Boone through the link. "I am. Karnak out."
Boone chuckles. "Karnak hasn't changed at all. Well, there you have it my Khan."
Jerry nods. "Well that promises to make our stay on Coburnia's Rest all sorts of interesting. Thank you Boone. That's a big help... Also, Just so you know. You don't have to call me khan. You're a civilian, so you don't even have to call me admiral. I'm fine just being Jerry."
"...Perhaps. In private."
First Last

I [26m] have been seeing someone 28[W] hit things off about 3 months ago. It was extremely refreshing - everything was wonderful about getting to know each other. We have an extremely mature and healthy connection, set wonderful expectations early and talked a lot about the future. I was getting ready to take the next step to make things official, but she pulled back a lot.
She's extremely busy with work and her own independence and we were seeing each other once or twice a week, but speaking on the phone several times a week for 1-2 hours. We agreed to build a strong relationship foundation before we had sex, so that's something that hasn't happened.
Recently, she began to pull back. We had a healthy conversation about why - and she just said that she wasn't sure she was going to be able to be a good partner because of how much she currently has going on in life. She's dealing with some health issues, work, a busy independent lifestyle and some other things.
She said she wanted to be upfront and honest with me about it, because she didn't want to curate a dynamic in which I was putting in all of the effort and where she knew she wasn't meeting my efforts, leading to us having a negative experience and eliminating any chance for a healthy relationship.
She said she saw a lot of potential in our relationship, liked me a lot, and was hoping that we could take a few steps back for her so that she could have some time and space to figure out all of the things she has going on.
I tried to dive deeper into what 'all the things,' are and got answers like; this is an extremely busy month for me, I barely have time for myself which I need, I need to figure out what changes I need to make in my life to have room for a healthy relationship.
She expressed that she isn't just 'looking for another boyfriend,' and that if she gets into a relationship she wants to be sure about things because she wants a lifelong partner. She also was transparent that she loves her life and that she's a little afraid of the idea of having to make changes, and that's some of the stuff that she's hoping to work through over the next month.
She doesn't really 'date,' and has only had two serious partners in her life, likes to take things really slow but is an excellent communicator and I really do see a future here. It didn't feel like an unhealthy conversation, but like a genuine one. Instinctually, I just feel like she's having some trouble with commitment. It went from 'I can't wait to see you,' to being really hard to set time aside for each other, even though I knew she was cooking dinner for herself and other activities alone.
I think she's wonderful and checked off all of the boxes for what I'm looking for in a serious and long term partner, but the lack of commitment was the only thing that was missing. What went from being exactly what I wanted, went to her pulling back and an honest conversation that led me to understand she's not emotionally available at this time. I set the expectation that I don't believe we can be 'friends,' because feelings will always be there, but that I don't plan on waiting or holding myself back if she doesn't come around. I did also set expectations for what I needed if she does plan to come back around. She did say things like 'maybe,' a lot and was clear it wasn't a certain thing. 'I could be ready two weeks from now.' and 'I'll see you again, don't worry.'
I said there's potential here, we can keep in touch and not distance one another. I planned on giving her space, taking a few steps back, focus on myself and my life, dating other people [I've already been on another date since this conversation] and maybe she reaches out down the line.
I'm struggling to figure out some things. It doesn't feel right to initiate conversation if she doesn't text me back since she's the one who's pulling away, but I don't want to become too distant. It doesn't feel right not initiating conversation sometimes, I think just a lot less [instead of talking every day, maybe reaching out every few days and trying to have a phone call.]
I considered doing no contact - but that would feel manipulative as I'd be doing it to see if she would change her mind, and I really don't want to do that. I had a lot of hope for this relationship that is now seemingly a very slim chance.
I've been in pursuit of a serious partner for several years now, so I would love any and all advice that you may have to share with me from your experiences. I've been extremely intentional in practicing healthy boundaries and communication, and this is something I'm trying to learn how to navigate too. I have a lot of previous relationship issues and negative tendencies which have resulted in actions that have pushed people away in the past, and I certainly don't want to do that here. I've been going to therapy every week for almost two years now and I would say I've made a lot of progress, but it's still a battle.

TL;DR I cheated on every girl I ever dated for over a decade and I'm disgusted with myself, but I've changed my life and am trying to be better for my wife and kids. I need to figure out how to forgive myself and move on from it.
Back in my teenage years/early 20s I was a moderately attractive guy. Combine that with being in situations where I was constantly around women, alcohol, and drugs (playing in metal/rock bands and touring a lot) and I got myself into a lot of sketchy situations.
I guess stepping back a bit, it started in highschool. I was an "emo kid" back in 2006. Black hair, skinny jeans, tight band t-shirts et cetera. I lived in a small town with a lot of rednecks and sports kids, so I was ostracized from a lot of groups. However, Myspace and emo culture were all the rage amongst girls at that point, and I ended up getting a lot of girls' attention just because I was different.
It didn't initially start as cheating, but I would screw around with girls I knew were taken. Their boyfriends bullied me and put me down, so I thought in a way it was fair to screw their girlfriends.
I got into my first real relationship in 11th grade (16m/15f) and swore I would stop my philandering ways. However, barely a year into our relationship, I was hanging out with a lot of people due to the whole "alternative" thing catching on on a mass scale. I had 10+ girls who I could hit up at any point and I was too weak to resist the temptation. I started sending nudes and sexting with other girls, as in my head this was a "fair compromise" where I didn't technically cheat. It was a way to assuage my conscience without giving up on that habit.
I ended up being with that girl for 5 years. I loved her, our sex life was great, but I just couldn't stop being unfaithful. It ramped up significantly when I joined a band at 19 and started touring. I had 2 other girlfriends in nearby towns that I was in LDRs with, and they didn't know about each other or my in-person girlfriend. Of course, I was still having one night stands in between seeing them.
It started to become like a sickness, I didn't want to do it anymore but I couldn't stop myself. Eventually my long-term girlfriend found out about it, but we'd been together so long that she decided to ignore it for the sake of us staying together. I'll repeat- I loved her deeply, I made romantic gestures and I spent lots of time with her. She didn't want to lose that, but I could tell over time it was taking a toll on her. She eventually broke things off and moved away for college, and I went absolutely nuts, sleeping with any and every woman I could.
My next relationship (22m/18f) was only 3 months and ended because I slept with her 2 best friends. I was so used to openly cheating that I just kept doing it, I still have no idea why. Maybe it was the attention or validation? Maybe it gave me some kind of bragging right, or self-worth? Looking back on it though, it just felt like an addiction- I was always drained, paranoid that my friends and family were lying to me. I became a despicable addict, not even wanting to live the life I was living but not knowing how to stop.
I met a woman (23m/32f) about a year after my previous long-term relationship. Everything seemed great at first. I swore off playing live shows and partying, hoping it would allow me to keep the relationship wholesome and exclusive. However, after a year of being together I found out she was still messaging her exes. A friend of hers came over and told me while my girlfriend was gone at work. The friend showed me receipts and was about to leave when I offered her a drink. We ended up having sex before my girlfriend got home, and that night after I had sex with my girlfriend I went and met up with someone I met on Tinder and we hooked up. My cheating again became rampant after this, and I continued a FWB relationship with her best friend while also seeing women on the side. After a while I finally admitted to myself I was relapsing and cut things off. I moved cities and swore off relationships. I was never abusive or neglectful to my partners- I loved them, found them attractive, and treated them well. I just couldn't stop cheating.
Then, something happened. After 2 years of being single and abstinent, I met a woman (20f, I was 27) who was EVERYTHING. A perfect 10/10, kind, generous, selfless. We talked for weeks before even meeting up, and I considered ghosting her because I thought I'd just cheat again.
6 years later, we're married. We have 2 children (4f and 2m) and a cat (2m). We had a dog up until recently who unfortunately passed because of a distracted driver. I've never cheated on her and I can confidently say I never will. The opportunity has arisen several times but I've always been firm. She means so much to me that I would never, EVER consider being unfaithful. She has given me the world and stuck with me when I hit absolute rock bottom with substance abuse. She convinced me to get therapy and work through my past issues (drugs and alcohol). I've alluded to my cheating vaguely but she's said she would rather not know as long as I'm faithful now.
It's not easy to overcome a decade of chronic cheating, and I deeply regret everything I did in my past. I've done my best to apologize to everyone I've hurt, but I know lots of them have moved on in life and don't want old scars brought back. I've also done my best to forgive myself, as self-hatred is what fueled my infidelity and drug use in the first place. I'm a flawed human who has done terrible things and harmed innumerable people, and if I could undo the damage I caused I would in a heartbeat. I'm trying to be better every day, and I'm no longer seeking confidence or validation from anyone but myself.
Thanks for reading this massive, meandering, masturbatory maelstrom of text. It feels a bit better having openly admitted all of this for the first time. I know I'll likely receive a lot of (justified) hate, but I'd rather be hated than hold this in forever. I want to do right by my wife and I want to live a cleaner life that I can be proud of. My kids and my woman mean everything to me, I just can't seem to stop feeling like a piece of shit no matter how loyal I am. Does anyone have some advice to give myself closure and move on?