I practiced magick for years in my youth. I stopped when I had a family. Hard to perform daily rituals when you can't sit in the toilet for 5 minutes without somebody pounding on the door to hurry up. Anyway since my life overhaul I've begun practicing in earnest. I performed the lbrp and gbrh, the mp and cbl in the morning then invoke azzazel in the evening. This has slowly led to some strange developments overtime. The first thing I noticed was during the lbrp. The colums of light, there wasn't 2, top to bottom, left to right, but 3. The third being back to front. In time i noticed 4 more, diagnol. Back top right, to front bottom forward etc. Then I noticed they weren't static or stationary but rotating clockwise and counter clockwise at the same time. Side note, since returning to the desert where I grew up to stay with family who is devoutly catholic I go to church every Sunday. I take this as an opportunity to meditate. It was at the church during this meditation when the column of light seemed to condense and align. I realized they were the 7 chakras. I never really did chakra work, just wasn't my thing. I supposed this was azzael telling me I was unbalanced. So I began doing chakra work. Much easier to focus on those 7 wheels that 7 columns of light. I do 3 breaths for each chakra. Deep as I can hold and release forcefully. After a few weeks i had the inclination to keep going with my breathing. I noticed energy chanels going from the root up. Crisscrossing like 2 snakes, meeting at each chakra. I took this to be the kundalini cleaning my energy channels. It went well, but there's been a new development. I detected what seems to be an 8th chakra. About 8 inches above the crown. But its not a sphere like the others, more like a fiery orb. And its black, but not like pure black, more like when you close your eyes, like static, bursts of colors in the darkness, black but full of color popping in and out of existence. My research into black flames and given little more than a symbol for sacred mysteries, and according to the 12 chakra system the 8th chakra should be a golden white supposedly. Has any one experienced this or does anyone know what it may mean?

Just happy to report that I’ve had the best run of utilities in all of my playthrough with this current run I’m on right now! I have it set to the default 0-30 days for electricity and water shutoff, water was still running until the 27th and I’m chilling in my fully lit base at 10pm on the 29th, though despite my run of luck with all of that, I’m still yet to find a generator to power me when it goes out tomorrow 😓

In today's smart home era, security cameras like those from Arlo have become indispensable. These cameras provide peace of mind by allowing you to monitor your home remotely. However, like all tech gadgets, Arlo cameras can sometimes experience pairing issues with the Arlo app. If you're struggling with this problem, you're not alone. Let's dive into some common causes and solutions for Arlo app pairing issues. And remember, expert help is just a call away at +1-888-464-7211.

Common Causes of Arlo App Pairing Issues

1. Wi-Fi Connectivity Problems

One of the most common reasons for pairing issues is poor Wi-Fi connectivity. Ensure your camera is within range of your Wi-Fi network and that the network is stable.

2. Outdated Firmware

Using an outdated firmware version can prevent successful pairing. Make sure both your Arlo camera and the app are updated to the latest versions.

3. Battery Issues

For battery-operated Arlo cameras, low battery levels can cause pairing problems. Check and charge the batteries if necessary.

4. Network Interference

Other electronic devices in your home could be causing interference with your Wi-Fi signal. Try turning off other devices to see if the pairing issue resolves.

5. Base Station Issues

If you're using a base station, ensure it's correctly set up and functioning. Rebooting the base station can sometimes resolve pairing issues.

Step-by-Step Guide to Troubleshoot Pairing Issues

Step 1: Check Wi-Fi Connection

Ensure your Wi-Fi network is working correctly and that your Arlo camera is within range. Try moving the camera closer to the router during the pairing process.

Step 2: Update Firmware

Check for firmware updates for both the Arlo camera and the app. Keeping the software updated can fix many issues.

Step 3: Restart Your Devices

Turn off your camera, smartphone, and router. Wait a few minutes before turning them back on. This simple step can often resolve connectivity problems.

Step 5: Reset Your Arlo Camera

As a last resort, reset your Arlo camera to its factory settings. Hold down the reset button on the camera for about 10 seconds. After the reset, try pairing the camera again.

Step 6: Reduce Interference

Turn off other electronic devices that might be interfering with your Wi-Fi signal. This includes other wireless devices and appliances.

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about 8 months ago i got two fillings on the same side of my mouth. The tooth that was on the top became extremely sensitive after, but only to hot and cold foods. I moved cities and went to a new dentist and she did an XRay and said that the filling looks like it was done well and it wasn’t close to the nerve so it was probably due to the gums reacting to the filling (I didn’t really understand and i’m probably not explaining it right) So she did a layer of varnish. It didn’t help so i went back for a second layer, and since then (almost 2 months ago) it’s been extremely painful, and now it’s painful even when i’m not eating. The pain comes and goes but it’s debilitating and radiates onto my gums and my bottom jaw and neck too. What is going on? I take pain killers every day. I have an appointment to go back but i think she might just redo the filling. is this the right move?

Deck
This is a deck I've been slowly cooking for awhile, I'm a pretty casual YGO player at this point, I don't like the link era or the eternal Setpember of the rocket fuel link format with going first decks and going second decks. I am a believe that GOAT isn't solved yet, despite the meta existing where it's at. In any case, Here is the breakdown of the deck:
Chaos Machine Tayou Turbo. Word Salad I know. This deck is a hybrid control/combo deck. It has absolutely insane turn 1 potential and can make a series of incredibly strong uncontested plays that sack your opponent harder than Duo Can.
BLS X1- Premier boss monster of the format naturally shows up in a chaos deck. On top of it's innate features BLS in this deck is a massively extended combo that can facilitate an absolute blowout against your opponent. Once you Trunade to clear the field to land BLS, you can banish your opponents monster, metamorphosis into Gatling Dragon and generate further advantage with coin flips to further your damage output. Gatling dragon is a great extended option here because you can tailor your turn to how successful it's effect resolution is. If BLS banishes their only monster, you can follow gatling dragon up with limiter removal for the 5600 kill shot.
Chaos Sorc x2 Chaos Sorc is underwhelming but required. It's as amazing as it would be in pretty much any other deck, but it doesn't have massive synergies. You play it because it's a special summon.
Dekoichi X3- Dekoichi makes Book of Tayou into a Jar of greed, and when you Tayou it up it dodges on-summon trap cards. We run 3 limiter removal, and because of our chaos package Dekoichi is good fodder for busting up your opponent's board with a limiter removal. If you are playing against a control matchup, you can slow down and just play Dekoichi like normal and especially to bait the NOC. But if you're one card away from developing your line then Tayou is the play.
Fusilier X3 This card is the shit. Easily one of the best combo cards in GOAT. Dark and Machine, great target for Graceful Charity. Fusilier is the swiss army knife of the deck and gives it the most control options. When combined with Metamorphosis, you can toolbox out Last Warrior from another Planet, Labrynth Tank and King Dragun. Labrynth tank is a machine, and so if you're a few life points shy of game it makes limiter removal more live than if you just double a wimpy Fusilier to 28, instead getting a 48 limiter removal killshot. Usually though, I use him to slow the game down with Last Warrior. A turn 1 Last Warrior is aa good way to choke out your opponent. It hard counters Reasoning Gate Game 1, it hard counters Scapegoat and it makes it incredibly tough to answer if your opponent is on a low or no monster count. King Dragun is pesky and crashes with monarchs and has it's edge case uses but usually Last Warrior. In addition to all of it's applications with Metamorphosis, it has incredibly synergy with any of your discard outlets, it's a live target to banish and if you have it in grave it's a big bungus to Premature burial into a trunade and maybe pull back 2 which brings us back to more kill shots with limiter removal.
X-Head cannon X3- The Garnet of the deck, under Limiter removal it gets to a respectable 3600, it's usually the secondary target for Premat if you have trunade to synergize with it.
Mof X3 - Mof is the core of the draw engine, Mof makes it so that you can convert Book of Tayou into any spell in your graveyard, but especially the two trinity pieces. It can also get you the damage on board you need with of course limiter removal. The big thing is Tayou lets you quickly use mof to build your hand and grave yard to thread the line. You can of course play it slow, but this deck wants to win quickly. Also gets you to Thousnd Eyes Restrict, the second control element of the deck. When combined with last Warrior from another planet you have functionally 6 cards that lead you to a control point where you can slow the game down and then choke your opponent out if you need to.
Morphing Jar X1 Cyber Jar X1
The Jars are the secondary Draw engine of the deck and facilitate Soft FTKs. Because we run a 17 monster count, Cyber Jar is usually draw power more so than busting up the board. But even then, Setting Cyber Jar and flipping it with Tayou can build your board into a lethal threat. By going into Dekoichis and Head Cannons oftentimes hitting 2 of any permutation enables game from limiter removal on your next turn. A turn 1 soft kill with Morphing jar in particular might look like you setting 4 cards to the field and then slapping Tayou down to force it to flip. If this happens on turn 1 your opponent starts the game off at a -2 to a -4. It does carry a slight disadvantage if you build their chaos graveyard, but they also have to assess a fat fucking back row that you got to build turn 1. Additionally, you can take smaller advantages with morphing jar because a lot of monsters are simply additional combo enablers in grave anyway. Tossing a head cannon to go +3 and then drawing into BLS is a common tactic.
Trinity-nuff said.
Card Destruction- This is great to follow up cyber jar with. Often times you do get some dead duplicates in hand, so card destruction lets you go digging to assemble your combo. Sometimes you also just need a discard outlet.
Limiter Removal x3- Limiter Removal in this deck is insane. A lot of times you can just win out of nowhere, Giant Trunade at 3 makes the minuses you take from it not so bad, and it's further hedged with premature burial. Bring mack a Fusilier go in for 5600, get over BLS, or if you wanna channel your Inner Zane Truesdale drop double limiter removal on Fusilier and go for the 10k big bungus kill move.
Book of Tayou- The card text is an inaccuracy this card reads: Replace the effect of this card with the effect of one of your face down monsters and flip it to attack mode. It's the MOST slept on card in the format if you are running any kind of flip package. It enables you to dodge on summon effects, it enables you to summon under Last Warrior from another planet and develop tempo, it makes your jars much, much better. It also functions as a Piecing attack that might be the difference between game or not. Very versatile card, generates massive plusses sooner an again on turn 1 virtually uncontested.
Giant Trunade- I don't play storm. This is a meta call but people don't like to negate Trunade in the same way they don't like to negate Pot of Greed or Graceful, it does very seldom happen but Very Seldom We max out on trunade because we just need our opponent's spell cards. The deck also isn't terribly concerned with card advantage in the same sense other decks are. You sort of just explode into a large hand and then discard what you don't need and keep what you do need. Also has synergy with our two equip spells, more so premature burial. This builds a graveyard recursion engine that also bounces your opponent's back row. Being able to resolve premature burial 4+ times in a game is quite strong.
Snatch Steal- sometimes you need to create an out with Metamorphosis. Grabbing your opponent's BLS is just as good as summoning your own in this case.
Premature Burial- Monster reborn with recursion, throw your monsters carelessly into the graveyard for graceful chairty and summon them back to set up a fat board.
Metamorpohosis- the deck's flexibility. You have numerous options, The big two being Last Warrior and TES with niche applications for the others.
Nobleman of crossout- I hate dealing with flip effects and I love to swat my opponent's mof. This card is probably one of the more flexible cards, and can probably live in the sideboard. But, you really want to dial up the choke out by denying your opponent any advantage generation with Nobleman of Crossout.
Cold Wave X2- This is an OTK deck, the deck is also cramped and tight on ratios. So we run 2. with Trunade this is a pretty strong lockdown package and if you have it an trunade you can force your opponent's Solemn Judgement out Also, Cold Wave and Limiter removal have a weird synergy where you can activate your cold wave and then run it up to chain 2 with limiter removal which makes it more difficult to respond to but also sets up your kill.
Ring of DestructionX1 I'm going to suck limiter removal off one last time here, Ring of Destruction is already one of the best cards in the format. Paired with limiter removal though, You can build gigantic nukes to fling at your opponent if your life points can weather the explosion. Following up your already massive gatling dragon combo with a ring of destruction is basically a quick double tap. But also, it forces your opponent to either side out their ring or risk their ring killing them but not you, limiter removal makes ring of destruction very dangerous, you can force a draw if the right monster is out but Limiter removal is a soft counter and a big punish to ring of destruction, needless to say if you chain limiter removal to your opponent's ring of destruction you can cause it to blow up in their face. Or like I said, force the draw.
As for the rate and fix, given what I have laid out I'd be curious to know of any insights or side-deck options I may not have considered. The deck doesn't have a lot of wiggle room, even the side deck option are limited because the deck runs such a tightly fixed strategy. As I wrote this, I may actually board out NoC and run Upstart goblin and side in NoC if they're on a flip strategy. but yeah anything else I'd love to hear about.

I practiced magick for years in my youth. I stopped when I had a family. Hard to perform daily rituals when you can't sit in the toilet for 5 minutes without somebody pounding on the door to hurry up. Anyway since my life overhaul I've begun practicing in earnest. I performed the lbrp and gbrh, the mp and cbl in the morning then invoke azzazel in the evening. This has slowly led to some strange developments overtime. The first thing I noticed was during the lbrp. The colums of light, there wasn't 2, top to bottom, left to right, but 3. The third being back to front. In time i noticed 4 more, diagnol. Back top right, to front bottom forward etc. Then I noticed they weren't static or stationary but rotating clockwise and counter clockwise at the same time. Side note, since returning to the desert where I grew up to stay with family who is devoutly catholic I go to church every Sunday. I take this as an opportunity to meditate. It was at the church during this meditation when the column of light seemed to condense and align. I realized they were the 7 chakras. I never really did chakra work, just wasn't my thing. I supposed this was azzael telling me I was unbalanced. So I began doing chakra work. Much easier to focus on those 7 wheels that 7 columns of light. I do 3 breaths for each chakra. Deep as I can hold and release forcefully. After a few weeks i had the inclination to keep going with my breathing. I noticed energy chanels going from the root up. Crisscrossing like 2 snakes, meeting at each chakra. I took this to be the kundalini cleaning my energy channels. It went well, but there's been a new development. I detected what seems to be an 8th chakra. About 8 inches above the crown. But its not a sphere like the others, more like a fiery orb. And its black, but not like pure black, more like when you close your eyes, like static, bursts of colors in the darkness, black but full of color popping in and out of existence. My research into black flames and given little more than a symbol for sacred mysteries, and according to the 12 chakra system the 8th chakra should be a golden white supposedly. Has any one experienced this or does anyone know what it may mean?

i don’t want to be here, i don’t belong here. i always end up alone in some aspect if not literal, i feel some kind of dark in me i think or maybe im imagining it. i want to believe i am good but i know i am not, i know what ive done i know who i am, and i know that i am only here purely out of my own actions. i have more regrets than accomplishments. all of this aside i genuinely have no motivation to live, i can faintly see a life but i know it’s just crazy dreams other than that it is difficult to imagine a future , i have no desire to work and i feel all the fight in me is gone. i feel like a shell of who i was before, and i don’t even know what before im referring to. i do not feel important, maybe i have impacted some lives but only as a side character, never a soulmate, but at the end of the day the world will remain the exact same with or without me. i do not have a talent, i can’t even do anything well just almost average, there is nothing special about me i look average i can’t talk right i’m not smart honestly quite dense. i do not wish to feel this agony, i feel it in every way in every aspect in which you can feel something, in every part of me in my head to my legs. it feels like death, like you’re suffocating or like you’re dying really. i don’t want to feel this anymore, i am content with my life ending here i am okay with missing out on whatever failure i were to become or even the chance i’d do something worth mentioning. i’m okay with dying, i just do not understand why that is not okay.

So I'm 23. Up until maybe 6 months after I met my partner my you-know-what was perfectly healthy and functioning normally.
When my partner and I started doing the do I wasn't on any kind of birth control, up until then I had literally no reason to as I'd been single for a few years and didn't have sex at all while I was single. My partner and I don't use condoms (say what you will but I know the risks) but we've both been tested for STDs/STIs and have nothing. Neither of us want kids right now and only don't use condoms because of the feeling difference. But eventually there was a slip and he finished the job inside (if you know what I mean) so I got a plan b pill.
After that there were multiple times in a row that I needed to get plan b's, obviously not ideal for my wallet or my feminine parts but it did what I needed it to do. I did go to the doctor and got on birth control after that.
I had the depo shot and boy did it f_ck me up!! I got my period for over a month straight (twice) so my doctor put me on the pill on top of the shot. It didn't work to stop my endless period so I stopped birth control all together and decided to let my downstairs sort itself out.
Fast forward a few months after I'd been off birth control and I'm now getting chronic BV infections. I go to my GP, she gives me medicine for it, it's okay until I finish the prescription and then it's back after a few days. This happens multiple times with multiple different treatments. I was on hormone pills, some antibiotics, used creams both over the counter and prescription, and even tried using boric acid suppositories. Same story of the symptoms go away while I'm on the medicine but return after a few days.
Now not only do I have BV symptoms pretty much all the time, I have pain during/after s-x so our sex life has become kinda nonexistent. It's grossed my partner out multiple times because he'll go down on me only to find the gross symptoms from BV. It's embarrassing, frustrating and painful.
A couple months ago I finally saw a gyno for the first time and she gave me more medicine that had the same results as before but she said she's worried it might be chronic BV or something more. I can't go back to the doctor for a while because I'm uninsured so that's been making it even harder.
Has anyone dealt with anything like this? I'm past my wits end and it's effecting my relationship because we went from a very active s-x life to doing the deed maybe once or twice a month. Any suggestions are welcome, I do plan on going to the doctor when I can but I'm looking for solutions in the meantime.

Recently had a patient come in with central vertigo. For me that usually means bad room-spinning that has not gone away since it began and is present while patient is sitting still in front of me during my assessment as they sit in a wheelchair cause they can't walk since it started. I know about the HINTS exam and all the diplopia, dysphagia, blah blah other stuff, but when it comes to the real world in the busy ED I work in, the stuff I mention is what gives it away that they could be having a stroke. The thing that frustrates me when I've started the stroke workup on these patients (we call it a code stroke at my place) is that the tele-neurologists I've dealt with on almost all of these cases act like this is not a TNK/TPA candidate, even if inside the 4.5 hr window. I had a tele-neurologist recently say, "well the NIH is 0 so it's unlikely he's having a stroke, he probably doesn't need the CTA head/neck and CT perfusion". I replied with, "Wait, but I'm pretty sure the NIHSS was never designed to pick up on posterior circulation strokes though, right? And this patient has neck pain and literally can barely stand up without almost falling and stumbling around. I think I'd like the CTA to eval for vertebral artery dissection thanks I'll give aspirin and admit too. BYE." Jk I was nicer than that but i discussed it with him after asking about NIHSS not being designed for posterior strokes and this asshat tried to tell me that NIHSS will pick up almost all posterior strokes too. I could tell when he said it that he knew that wasn't true. The patient in this example btw had disabling vertigo, got admitted, and finally his MRI brain was done and showed acute ischemic focus in the medial cerebellum and ___" i forgot the name of the other structure they said but the point is that the patient could've been given TNK/TPA. Anyway... do others have similar experiences elsewhere or is this pretty specific to the place I work for some reason? Also, does anyone know if the sensitivity and specificity of CTA head/neck and CT perfusion is any better than non-con at picking up posterior circulation stokes? We don't do stat MRIs of the brain where I work. Thanks!

This was originally started as a reply to u/ConfectionWestern’s insight about Eloise and Cressida’s conversations at balls and then got long and on other topics. Thanks to them for the inspiration! That post is here.
I have to wonder whether it isn’t a coincidence that it is embroidery that Eloise discusses with the debutantes and then proceeds to make fun of.
I am gathering the feeling that Eloise has her own trauma association with embroidery. When her father died (shown in S2E2) — if Colin was 12 we can assume she was around 8-10 — her mother withdrew. The one thing Violet was able to do during that time was embroidery. She wasn’t able to visit the nursery much, play with the children, or even join for family dinner. She holed herself away and did embroidery.
(And not to knock Violet — completely fair. She was going through A LOT.)
We know Eloise was there as she’s shown on the stairs when her father dies in the garden. I think we can also assume she is the child that Daphne is singing to, based on hair color, while her mother is in excruciating labor and Anthony is being asked by the doctor whether Hyacinth or Violet should live.
In the same way that Anthony was traumatized by that and decided he never wanted to put someone through that, I wonder if Eloise decided she never wanted to go through that: marriage, childbirth, all of that, because at a young age where she wasn’t quite old enough to be able to understand what was going on, all of those things caused great suffering right around the same time.
(There is a huge difference between 8-9 and 12 in terms of how they are able to understand what is going on around them. An 8-9 year old is able to absorb what is happening but not comprehend it, or feel agency in doing anything about it, in the way a 12 year old can.)
Like Colin, she adapted by getting a sense of humor and becoming entertaining, but her humor has a bit more of an edge to it than Colin’s. It’s more defensive and sarcastic, whereas his is lighter and sillier.
Not seeking suitors / not getting married / not having children is such a key part of how her character has been presented. Not only is she shown not being eager to do the whole debutante/marriage market thing, she also recoils at holding Daphne’s baby in S2 and Colin swoops in to take the baby from her.
So Eloise is being forced to march through her own hell. She and Penelope, at least at this stage in their lives, bond by both being outsiders to the marriage market: Penelope being sidelined and rejected by suitors but when she actually wants the end goal (marriage); and Eloise rejecting suitors and sidelining herself because she doesn’t want the end goal. Eloise was going to be a spinster by choice, but not Pen. This is why Pen gets so frustrated at Eloise about being “pretty Bridgertons:” Pen, from her POV, cannot understand why someone who intentionally throw away chances at marriage. To Pen, marriage is freedom and escape from her mother. Eloise is confused by this, as she has a loving mother and no context to understand why one would want to escape their home.
We see a lot of examples of Eloise being a caring friend to Pen throughout the years. She is the one that Pen rushes to on the swings when Colin gets engaged to Marina. I don’t know if Eloise knows that’s why — it’s still unclear to me whether Pen told her about her feelings for Colin (most of my friends growing up who had crushes on a friend’s brother never told them) — and I think she thinks it’s more about Pen losing Marina, but still. Eloise is also the one that Pen cries to when Colin leaves for Greece (though Eloise thinks it’s because Pen’s father died, but Pen is looking out the window at Colin’s carriage leaving).
As to whether or not Eloise would know about the extent of how bad Pen’s mother is, I’m not really sure. She clearly has seen Pen tense about her mother and complain about the outfits her mother puts her in. Yet as someone who also had an abusive mother, I can say that only my very best friends knew what went on, and even then only knew a sliver of it. Pen’s mother, like my mother, never shows the abuse in front of others outside the family. So Pen has probably told Eloise she wants freedom and doesn’t expect to get married, and Eloise interprets that from her own perspective.
It’s notable that the later conversation with Cressida, which was pointed out as a mirror in the embroidery thread, was about why they shouldn’t have to get married. Eloise is obsessed with avoiding marriage in a room full of people focusing on it. There is great irony in her going on at length about how they could talk about other things if they didn’t have to talk about other things… instead of just talking about those other things.
Francesca is her foil in this way: Fran is going through the motions of the marriage market and clearly doesn’t want to think about it, and so she spends her time playing and thinking about piano. Fran being autistic-coded aside, it shows a great contrast. Eloise wants to think about other things but she can’t because she has unresolved trauma. She needs to talk it out and have her perspective validated, yet she isn’t able to pinpoint the source herself. We, the viewer, however, have been given a lot of clues, so we are able to piece this together.
At the end of S2, Eloise and Pen have their falling out about LW. And Eloise is not able to understand why Pen would do such a thing, and she replaces her with a mean girl who isn’t nearly as kind or happy to listen to her as Pen. This is the wake-up call that Eloise has needed. She says in S3 Part 1 how she and Pen were going to be spinsters together, but now Pen has decided to take a husband; this is Eloise’s turn to feel abandoned. What about the dreams they’d had together? Is Pen a new person who doesn’t seem to share their same values anymore, values they’d talked about for years? It’s deeply confusing and disappointing for Eloise.
This is getting a bit long, so I will close with this:
Does Eloise need to learn how to show and feel empathy? Yes.
Does she need to learn to listen more and talk less? Yes.
Is she stuck in her own context and seeing her own context primarily? Yes.
Does she have unresolved childhood trauma? Yes.
Does Pen also need to work through her own shit and learn to me more emphatic, too? Also yes.
Colin is interesting because he is so empathetic to the point of losing himself. He is able to intuit others’ feelings and usually centers himself around other people’s feelings rather than his own. This is why it is so hard for him to choose his own feelings for Pen over choosing letting her our pursue what she tells him in the cake tent is making her happy (Debling). So does Colin need to learn how to have boundaries and allow himself to feel his own feelings — another key part of empathy? Also yes.
All three of them are going on a journey about stepping outside of their own perspective and learning how others experience the world so that they can understand others’ actions better and be more true to themselves.
And this is a completely normal thing to be going through at that age, as our brains’ capacities for empathy are developing rapidly in the teenage years and don’t fully develop until the age of 25. So it makes sense that all of them are actively learning empathy around their early 20s, especially as they encounter new people and situations and have their own underlying truths questioned.

I just need to get this out of my head, I feel like I’m just a tool for everybody I care about or is in my circle . Recently I’ve been said by my parents I need to get married im becoming too old, my second sibling has expressed how I am much of burden at home , I study and pay for their expenses- My mom doesn’t stop talking about his nephew how he’d be an ideal fit and I need to get married to him, she’ just everyday tease joke and curse me about it . From one side, they ask me to graduate asap clear my uni degree - (I had depression and anxiety attacks that ruined my semester previously), they ask me to become something so that I can buy my own home and get married . But im still studying now not financially stable enough to get married, but that’s my fault too according to her .
She has given me responsibilities of all my siblings , taking care of them . If I one day decides to not help as usual im shamed for that , despite me having exams , she’d be asking me what is important for you . If I ask my sibling to cook or eat something them self she gets angry at me , it’s my responsibility to watch over them and give them anything they need. If I ask her to give me some space I feel I have no right or choices in my life ( im not allowed to go anywhere without someone accompanying me) they overreact and tell me there’s no need for me to have such things .
Im somehow responsible for everything that happens to me her or anyone. If I question her choices she takes it as disobedience and rude .
All my siblings are 20+ except a teen . I myself 23

The creature writhed and thrashed, sending showers of black tar and sparks flying through the air. Its multiple limbs tried to entangle and snag our comrades, but Gary and Kyle's concentrated fire kept it at bay. Blame took up position on a ledge, providing covering fire while Marlow and I secured another path in case things took a turn for the worst.
Eventually Matt grabbed the creature with his hands, jumping in the black tar while bullets whizzed past him.
"Gary, weapon!!" he shouted over the deafening racket. Gary complied, and Matt fired a series of shots directly into the creature's body, which seemed to briefly immobilize it.
Lamia took this opportunity to slip in and snap a few photos. "This may be the last time we ever see it," she remarked.
The creature’s blood, which splattered and flew everywhere, glowed a neon-pinkish-purple under the flashlight's beam. The way it moved and crawled almost hurt my brain, like it was in another dimension, a different plane of movement and existence. It was almost blindingly fast, regenerating instantly from any injury it sustained.
As the battle raged on, I took a moment to study the ancient runes and symbols adorning the walls. They were unlike anything I had ever seen before. They seemed to shift and change, as if they were alive, pulsating with energy. The blood from the creature made them light up, as it dove back and forth from the tar pit.
It almost killed me with one of its strikes, it was fast and intelligent enough to hold off the entirety of Task Force Nova Compass Hunter, which was a feat even the Five Leviathans couldn’t match. We were in deep shit, but I could tell we weren’t completely fucked yet.
Lamia eventually summoned a pillar of purple fire that engulfed the creature, before the rest of them jumped on it, slicing and tearing it before it was forced to retreat back into the wall.
As we caught our breath, we exchanged glances, knowing that we had just barely survived something incredible. The underground world of the supernatural was even more dangerous than we had imagined.
"So what was that thing?" I asked. “Lamia?”
“Unknown state.” She said. “But we’re getting closer to the center of this entire system. The creatures down here at an individual level are some of the strongest entities we've ever encountered," Lamia explained. "We know nothing of their biology or psychology. They exist solely to maintain this place, keep the balance, and protect the secrets it holds. There’s clearly something at the bottom of this system, deep in the Earth.”
“No hollow Earth stuff, right? We’re not fighting Agarthans?”
“It goes deeper, Chrissy.” Kyle scoffed. “Guess the stupid shit runs in the blood. Think, little man, we’ve got to be over twenty miles underground, how is that even possible? The magma and shit would have cooked everyone alive, but there’s living beings hunting us down as we speak-”
We turned another corner, and I looked out, into pure black.
We were all stunned silent for a moment, not because anything jumped out and attacked us, but because we saw something unimaginable. The tunnel abruptly ended and we were out, and for a second I almost thought we were outside in the night, but there were no stars. We were in some enormous underground area so huge it could have fit a city, but there was no way to tell because of how dark it was. It was pure vantablack, the absence of light that went beyond the bottom of the ocean or the depths of space, a void that seemed to swallow everything in sight.
Even with our flashlights, the strongest in the world, the darkness swallowed up the lights like a black hole consuming matter. We stood there for a moment, gripped by an inexplicable dread, as if the darkness itself was a living entity, waiting to devour us.
“This place reminds me of The Rift,” I said, thinking back to the enormous underwater cave system in the Pacific Ocean.
“How fucking far does this go out, dawg?” Blame asked, breaking the silence.
Matt nodded, squinting into the darkness. “Far. I can’t even tell if there’s another side.” Even with their biologically enhanced eyes and all the super-drugs they were on, no one, not even Lamia, could see through the ocean of black and make anything out. We were still standing right at the exit of the tunnel, and we knew if we even stepped into the darkness for a second, we would never find our way back. It was a one way direction, and the thick, discreet clouds of fog weren’t helping any either.
"Alright, first of all,” Matt said. “We don’t know where the hell Azazel is, and second, we can't see shit. So let's stick to the fucking perimeter and not get lost in this goddamn abyss. We'll find Azazel, or she'll find us eventually."

From playing so many games, watching so many dramas, movies, etc. I realized one of the most powerful things a piece of media can do is truly set the atmosphere it is aiming for. Excellent atmosphere has greatly boosted how much I enjoy the content i'm consuming, and otome is no different. I find when the art, the music, and writing truly come together in a perfect way, a game with even a basic or weird premise can rise up.
A game I personally give kudos to for its stellar atmosphere:
Cupid Parasite - As i prepare to play Sweet & Spicy Darling, I am replaying my favorite route from the base game. While the setting of Los York and the realms of the Greek Gods may be too wacky for some players, this game does not fall even a bit short of making you feel like you're at the center of a good romance movie. The design is so bright, bubbly, and pop art esque. The CGs feel intentional and well thought out. The dialogue is so believably written that you can feel all the emotions the characters are going through. The right music always plays at the right times. Whenever I play this, it feels like its the 2000's and i'm watching 13 going on 30. All otome games have romance in them, but i feel like no other really nails that nostalgic magic movie romance the way CP does.

TLDR: there’s half a million gold on the line and I’m not sure if the party will agree on how to handle it.
Ok some background on WDH for those unaware: The whole premise of this campaign is that Dagult Neverember, the former Lord of Waterdeep embezzled 500,000 gold and hid it under the city. The gold is guarded by a Gold Dragon named Aurinax who thinks this gold is legitimate and belongs to Neverember rightfully. He can be convinced that it’s not but the book sets a very high persuasion check for that (DC 18). Please ask for more background if needed
End of the last session was the players walking into the main vault. This coming session will primarily involve the party and Raener negotiating with Aurinax on what to do with the Gold. While the whole party is technically allied with the Harper’s, only 1 - 2 (of 4) of them actually seem inclined to maintain that alliance. The Druid and the Monk are most likely going to want to keep at least some of the gold, The Cleric just recently joined and has more allegiance to Raener and the Harpers than she does to the party. The fighter could go either way, he’s kind of in the middle. Aurinax (at least in the book) isn’t willing to part with a single coin and is willing to fight over it unless persuaded that the gold should go back to the people as Raener and the Cleric want.
The final variable will be my chosen Villain, Manshoon/Zhents. Since there’s not much solid lore on him I changed him a lot. The real Manshoon (found in his sanctum) is an old man in a wheel chair scarred from his battle with the blackstaff years back. He doesn’t care a whole lot about the gold, what he wants is the Dragon’s body. He intends to slay it and use its flesh to forge himself a new, Half Dragon, Half Human body. What I’m concerned about is that my version of Manshoon would be willing to split the gold Half and Half if they help him slay the dragon. I’m worried that this could turn into a situation where the party is pitted against each other, one side helping Manshoon/Zhentarim and the other helping Aurinax.
But, then again the players who do badly want the gold have repeatedly shown they really hate the Zhentarim so I just don’t know what is going to happen and I don’t know how to prepare for this.
I don’t know if I explained this all well enough for people who don’t know the adventure well. I’ve talked to the players and they seem split roughly half and half.

I have a healthy 383 in my car that had a little issue a couple years ago. Have some dart heads on it that were professionally ported (Ron's porting service) and one of the heads got a small crack in the combustion chamber. Took it to the machine shop, had it repaired, i reassembled and got it dynoed. All good.
Months later, I have coolant weaping around the front and rear of the intake, I used the same fel pro 1207 intake gaskets that were on it previously and coated them in permatex copper spray a gasket. I wasn't impressed with the tack of the copper spray and I assumed that I had a gasket slide or had not sealed the threads on the intake bolts well enough. Tore intake off, cleaned all surfaces, used right stuff on the china wall and this time used permatex high tack spray a gasket with a new set of felpro 1207s. Fast forward to now and I once again have coolant weaping around the front and rear of the intake at the coolant crossovers. This isn't a car that gets driven a lot, so not many miles on this set of gaskets. Not excited, but pull the intake off again tonight. Remnants of coolant on the entire length of the gasket sides of intake. The gaskets feel moist, like they have wicked up coolant. There was even coolant sitting in both exhaust heat crossovers in the heads, not a ton, but enough to notice.
Has anyone here experienced fel pro intake gaskets wicking up coolant? The gasket thickness is .060, there is a .100 thick gasket from flatout gaskets that is silicone coated steel, would this be something to consider? Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

My ex has a child with me and she blames me for so much. this isnt to hurt my ex. i do believe she is a good person but with me she doesnt want to be

Discussion
SO, my ex DA was/is very abusive. I guess I fall into anxious attachment, but not at first with her. I told her my whole story and years later she kept comparing my trauma through my sexual abuse when I was a child-teens, domestic abuse, bullying, etc.. I wasn't fond of it, but I kept telling myself hear her out she is hurting. It was like no matter how hard I tried to listen she would just shut down. I recall a moment when in the beginning of her and i's friendship I asked her to leave my apartment for the first time because I really didn't want her to deal with my outburst, which I had no idea how to handle at all, I begged her please drop this conversation, but she simply manipulated me into telling her everything. All of this is hurting me, because now its weaponized against me. I would scream so much after that because I kept asking her to leave me alone with my problems because I honestly didn't feel she would ever understand me. I kept enabling her addiction to weed, kept buying it for her for years. I honestly don't enjoy weed anymore after all this, but I foolishly kept trying to relate with her for what she "enjoys". One time my hours got cut and I told her I wouldn't be able to afford any weed, she had a outburst and got so angry because she was really depending on the stuff. I told her and explained I have to get food and pay my bills. She would try to still convince me that I promised her the stuff. that day we ended up fighting for nothing, because I should my best MTG cards, which was enemy fetch lands and allied fetch lands, if anyone knows what I'm talking about, they were expensive cards. she didn't even thank me, just said she was sorry and I didn't have to do that. Eventually it hurt a lot because why would she try to make me feel I made a bad choice, after we got her weed, we later broke up. Then she pops back into my life again saying she missed me, I gave her space because I truly did care for her, even though at this time my anxiety was a full time high, working my ass off for a job that was far to difficult for me to do, but I kept pushing myself. I had a break down and started screaming in the car asking please help I'm hurting... that was the first time she hit me. she said I didn't know what to do so I hit you. that torn me apart inside because I told her my mother would hit me whenever I cried and she did that to me. when I had the courage to confront her about it she gaslighted me saying it didn't hurt me she didn't hit me hard. So, even though I'm a yeller which is very childish, I'm working on it, eventually she started throwing things at me because she was just mad at me. I would be playing games out of nowhere she would be throwing shoes at me, then controllers from my ps4... I was so angry and told her to go home. she would cry saying how dare you tell me go back to my parents who neglect me! I told her that's no excuse, it just became the norm for me to allow her to gaslight me like this. one day she got me a cool set of holographic lord of Atlantis, which admittedly made me jump for joy because it made me feel loved by her, some how we got into a huge argument because she was complaining because of me she wasn't able to get her mom anything for mothers day, I told her that's not fair for you to say that and I think she should go home if we are going to argue again. I always looked for peace when I saw her everyday. but everyday was just a smoke out session or watching movies she wanted to watch. but because I didn't want to do that at all and just wanted to sleep she was furious. so after she agreed to leave, she quickly started slamming my apartment door saying let me in I want the cards back, I was in tears before she came back and bam! she for the first time threaten to call the cops saying I was abusive towards her, eventually I opened the door and told her to calm down she rushed her self in and was trying to not let her in and I was going to give her the cards, but seeing her crying so hard made me feel so horrible so I let her in. she punched me on my private parts, kicked, slapped me, eventually I got her to lay on my bed but I had to hold her down for the first time, and it hurt me so much doing that, but I didn't want to keep getting hit, I'd told her no more hitting me this needs to stop, she denied it all right in front of my face, I told her to leave. I didn't talk to her for 3 months. one day she saw my Instagram and called me saying how disgusting I was for liking a certain type of women saying I never found her attractive, which was just projection, it was very late at night and was very irritated because I was lacking sleep after so much fights and break ups and blaming everything on myself. some how she got pregnant after this, we made up had a good perfect two weeks, then I had enough, we had very intimate sex, which was always needle in the hay sack with her. I didn't mind because I understand not everyone has a high sex drive, I tried to be understanding, bam we break up again, several months later she realized she missed her period then another month went by and she told me she was pregnant, I was surprised because she was on birth control for years, which I did pay for. this was during covid days, I was exited and very nervous so I started smoking a lot of ciggs, gained so much weight, constantly drinking worried my worst fears will come true. When I moved in with her so was a total different person and I was still dealing with all that trauma she caused, I felt so very uncomfortable for a lot of the time and I was bitter and resentful, but I tried to forgive her. Then our beautiful daughter was born, oh boy I was so tired but I couldn't even imagine my ex was feeling so I supported her and kept calm all the way through, we had a our baby and I felt it was going to give her so much joy, it didn't, not even a full month has passed.. she told me it didn't matter if I was the father because I was useless, she did everything, all I did was make myself a cup of coffee because we both didn't sleep well that night, I even offered her some coffee to help her feel more awake she got mad and ignored me. later that same year I went to my first ever vacation, she ignored me the whole vacation, when I asked her why didn't you talk to me this one time about how you wanted to help your cousin when I made plans to propose on the beach in Cancun, she shut down and started crying over and over and I was there to help her with her panic attack, I told her after she calmed down which took a couple hours why did you break down? she couldn't answer, the next night I was very anxious and I stupidly started drinking a lot , all I did was ask her to leave me alone. she intentionally tried to hurt me and tripped me and I almost feel of the balcony, she quickly said I was being dramatic, and all I could do was say leave me alone and sobbing being reminded of why do I keep putting up with this and blaming myself. The next morning she woke up crying telling me she will understand if I left her, I made up my mind and told myself I had to stay because we have a baby together and she isn't even one at this moment. a lot of fighting continued to happen and her hitting never stopped. She was never aware what da was until she got a test and they told her she was dismissive avoidant and she was very upset with this because she wanted to be adhd. I was taken back why would you want that. so far I kept my mouth shut about my problems until 2023 and eventually she told me she didn't love me and she felt I was no good anymore, I was getting high and drinking fire balls, I woke up so angry and frustrated and just told her why do you have such a problem with me, she said I was delusional, I was mad because I gotten so tired of her dodging my questions, I was in the room with her and our daughter was in the room. Till this day my ex will never be honest what happened that day, she hit me so much I got pulled down on the floor all because of my eyes, she said I looked dangerous, which I'm very confused with this because I never ever hit her even once, she said I put myself on the floor and i was furious and screamed at anger which was so stupid of me, my mind was telling me go to the other room, but all i can think about is if she is able to hit me she might be able to hurt my daughter, so i grabbed my daughter away from her and my worst decision ever because i never wanted my daughter to go what i went through as a child. till this day its being used against me. because my ex's family thinks i was the one who caused all that, now im here reflecting all this, there so much more that has happened and I'm not saying at all that i was the saint. I have been diagnosed with bipolar type 1, then later find out i was misdiagnosed, and it turns out i have adhd, which is funny to me because when i told my ex this she laughed at me, i only wanted to let her know because we have a daughter together. she said i told you youre not even bipolar and your adhd, but for years she would tell me i need to apply for disability for bi polar to get her a house and i kept telling her no. i need to work it helps me. she laughed at me. she wasnt always like this all the time but yeah. i still feel its all my fault even though, im seeking medical help, a doctor, calling suicide hot line just in case i have a break down and i have been doing this since 2023 and now, i found Jesus Christ, a church, still have a full time job, currently looking for another so i can support myself and my daughter, my ex refuses to get a job and all she wants to do still is smoke weed and sell drugs. but im the asshole.
after saying all this, i hope she gets help and finds a man who will give her all the security she needed, i was never able to make her feel that ever, even though i tried to the best way i could. i dont think she is an evil person, she is just in so much pain and hurting

First time renter here and I'm really panicked now, so I'd really like any advice or information you guys can give! I've done a lot of reading on it, but I just wanted to double checked and be reassured.
We have rented this home in CA for 7 years, with rent being $2.2k. We have never missed rent, not even through COVID (not that it matters, but just saying we do have a good track record). I recently lost my job and am looking into a new one, but despite that the rent has still been paid. We were on a 2-year lease, and then swapped month-to-month.
Two months ago, our landlord asked over text message if we wanted to buy the house. We told him that in a year we can talk about it, as our finances have taken a hit. He said okay. Then today (Tuesday) at 8:30 PM, he told us that he wanted to come over with a real estate agent either Wednesday or Thursday. We said Wednesday is not going to happen. Not enough warning. We also said no to Thursday, as I have an important doctor's appointment to schedule an invasive and quite frankly scary surgery that I have upcoming. I will not be in a good headspace and will likely spend the entire day panicking and crying because, well, it's bad lol.
He tried calling at 9:30 pm but we declined the call and told him we would talk the next day. He's now claiming that he gave us warning two months ago when he asked if we wanted to buy the house, and that he will be coming by on Saturday with a real estate agent to see how much the property is worth.
To be clear, no papers have been served yet. Only text exchanges, with no official dates.
My questions are...

1. Is he right when he said he gave us a two-month warning when he asked if *we* wanted to buy the house? He didn't specifically say he wanted to sell by x date OR serve us any papers. Just if we wanted to buy.
2. Depending on the answer to question 1, how much time do we have? If he shows up on Saturday and hands us a notice to vacate, how much time does he legally have to give us? Is it 30, or 60 days? Could he legally say he wants us out by July 1st?
3. If we are unable to get out in the time allotted to us, will we be evicted like a notice to quit? Or are evictions *only* for people who aren't paying rent? Sorry if this is a dumb question, just trying to cover all my bases.

The first time she got caught they took her phone away for about 5-6 months only getting to go to school, when she came home they would take it away again. Sorry for side tracking again, back to Mike and Sam. When I snatched her phone from her hands I went through her phone and found a video of Sam and Mike having s*x, he had taken a video of themself and sent it to her. I talked to Sam about this and told her that it was stupid of her for not wearing a condom and what the fuck made her think it was okay to do it at school. Though out conversation wasn't short but that was a small part of it. I also told her if she was pregnant I wouldn't help her at all. I bought at pregnancy test and she tested negative (thankfully). I told her that she needed to get her shit together and to start acting right. The next few weeks were fine but I think I have a good lie Detector on myself bc I get a feeling when Sam is hiding stuff from me. I told her to give me her phone and I found videos of Sam and Mikes private parts. Again I have a long and heated conversation with Sam and she told me she wouldn't do it again. Well it did. This time I texted Mike saying I didn't appreciate the photos on her phone and I told him to stop sending her stuff like this bc it would eventually get her in trouble if my parents decided to go through her phone.
PT 4 IN MY PROFILE

A brief history.
2016 At the age of 51, I was diagnosed with Osteoarthritis of the right TMJ. The doctor stated the left TMJ looked fine. I was having issues with my jaw locking open, painful to eat, pain and ringing in my ear.
I was informed, by 2 different surgeons, that I need a TMJ replacement of the right TMJ only. So, in June, 2016, I had a TMJ replacement surgery.
1 yr later, the left TMJ was in need of replacement. I had moved, so I found a new Maxillofacial surgeon closer to me. After x-ray and examination, he informed me that the prosthetic used for the right TMJ is to large and not enough bone left for any future repair.
With this type of surgery, not being covered by insurance, I was unable to have another surgery at the time of $35,000.
May, 2024, all of a sudden, I feel grinding and pain in my right jaw and ear, severe pain and swelling. I went to the ER. CT shows 4 screws backing out from the TMJ replacement. The ER r refers me too the only surgeon where I live that can help me but he refuses to even see me.
I have BCBSTX HMO insurance and I can't find a doctor who will see me, much less help me. I recently went on disability. I'm basically screwed.
The prosthetic screws are backing in and out of my jaw bone, causing severe pain in my jaw bone and ear.
I have called doctors in Dallas and Houston only to be told I need, $42,000 for one TMAj surgery or both for upwards of $72,000.
I cannot chew food and even talking is difficult. The pain ranges from 7 - 10 on the pain scale. I have no idea what to do.
Any suggestions or ideas of finding a doctor, a dental school. I would think my case is learning case, maybe. I would greatly appreciate your ideas and info.

My ex has a child with me and she blames me for so much. this isnt to hurt my ex. i do believe she is a good person but with me she doesnt want to be

Discussion
SO, my ex DA was/is very abusive. I guess I fall into anxious attachment, but not at first with her. I told her my whole story and years later she kept comparing my trauma through my sexual abuse when I was a child-teens, domestic abuse, bullying, etc.. I wasn't fond of it, but I kept telling myself hear her out she is hurting. It was like no matter how hard I tried to listen she would just shut down. I recall a moment when in the beginning of her and i's friendship I asked her to leave my apartment for the first time because I really didn't want her to deal with my outburst, which I had no idea how to handle at all, I begged her please drop this conversation, but she simply manipulated me into telling her everything. All of this is hurting me, because now its weaponized against me. I would scream so much after that because I kept asking her to leave me alone with my problems because I honestly didn't feel she would ever understand me. I kept enabling her addiction to weed, kept buying it for her for years. I honestly don't enjoy weed anymore after all this, but I foolishly kept trying to relate with her for what she "enjoys". One time my hours got cut and I told her I wouldn't be able to afford any weed, she had a outburst and got so angry because she was really depending on the stuff. I told her and explained I have to get food and pay my bills. She would try to still convince me that I promised her the stuff. that day we ended up fighting for nothing, because I should my best MTG cards, which was enemy fetch lands and allied fetch lands, if anyone knows what I'm talking about, they were expensive cards. she didn't even thank me, just said she was sorry and I didn't have to do that. Eventually it hurt a lot because why would she try to make me feel I made a bad choice, after we got her weed, we later broke up. Then she pops back into my life again saying she missed me, I gave her space because I truly did care for her, even though at this time my anxiety was a full time high, working my ass off for a job that was far to difficult for me to do, but I kept pushing myself. I had a break down and started screaming in the car asking please help I'm hurting... that was the first time she hit me. she said I didn't know what to do so I hit you. that torn me apart inside because I told her my mother would hit me whenever I cried and she did that to me. when I had the courage to confront her about it she gaslighted me saying it didn't hurt me she didn't hit me hard. So, even though I'm a yeller which is very childish, I'm working on it, eventually she started throwing things at me because she was just mad at me. I would be playing games out of nowhere she would be throwing shoes at me, then controllers from my ps4... I was so angry and told her to go home. she would cry saying how dare you tell me go back to my parents who neglect me! I told her that's no excuse, it just became the norm for me to allow her to gaslight me like this. one day she got me a cool set of holographic lord of Atlantis, which admittedly made me jump for joy because it made me feel loved by her, some how we got into a huge argument because she was complaining because of me she wasn't able to get her mom anything for mothers day, I told her that's not fair for you to say that and I think she should go home if we are going to argue again. I always looked for peace when I saw her everyday. but everyday was just a smoke out session or watching movies she wanted to watch. but because I didn't want to do that at all and just wanted to sleep she was furious. so after she agreed to leave, she quickly started slamming my apartment door saying let me in I want the cards back, I was in tears before she came back and bam! she for the first time threaten to call the cops saying I was abusive towards her, eventually I opened the door and told her to calm down she rushed her self in and was trying to not let her in and I was going to give her the cards, but seeing her crying so hard made me feel so horrible so I let her in. she punched me on my private parts, kicked, slapped me, eventually I got her to lay on my bed but I had to hold her down for the first time, and it hurt me so much doing that, but I didn't want to keep getting hit, I'd told her no more hitting me this needs to stop, she denied it all right in front of my face, I told her to leave. I didn't talk to her for 3 months. one day she saw my Instagram and called me saying how disgusting I was for liking a certain type of women saying I never found her attractive, which was just projection, it was very late at night and was very irritated because I was lacking sleep after so much fights and break ups and blaming everything on myself. some how she got pregnant after this, we made up had a good perfect two weeks, then I had enough, we had very intimate sex, which was always needle in the hay sack with her. I didn't mind because I understand not everyone has a high sex drive, I tried to be understanding, bam we break up again, several months later she realized she missed her period then another month went by and she told me she was pregnant, I was surprised because she was on birth control for years, which I did pay for. this was during covid days, I was exited and very nervous so I started smoking a lot of ciggs, gained so much weight, constantly drinking worried my worst fears will come true. When I moved in with her so was a total different person and I was still dealing with all that trauma she caused, I felt so very uncomfortable for a lot of the time and I was bitter and resentful, but I tried to forgive her. Then our beautiful daughter was born, oh boy I was so tired but I couldn't even imagine my ex was feeling so I supported her and kept calm all the way through, we had a our baby and I felt it was going to give her so much joy, it didn't, not even a full month has passed.. she told me it didn't matter if I was the father because I was useless, she did everything, all I did was make myself a cup of coffee because we both didn't sleep well that night, I even offered her some coffee to help her feel more awake she got mad and ignored me. later that same year I went to my first ever vacation, she ignored me the whole vacation, when I asked her why didn't you talk to me this one time about how you wanted to help your cousin when I made plans to propose on the beach in Cancun, she shut down and started crying over and over and I was there to help her with her panic attack, I told her after she calmed down which took a couple hours why did you break down? she couldn't answer, the next night I was very anxious and I stupidly started drinking a lot , all I did was ask her to leave me alone. she intentionally tried to hurt me and tripped me and I almost feel of the balcony, she quickly said I was being dramatic, and all I could do was say leave me alone and sobbing being reminded of why do I keep putting up with this and blaming myself. The next morning she woke up crying telling me she will understand if I left her, I made up my mind and told myself I had to stay because we have a baby together and she isn't even one at this moment. a lot of fighting continued to happen and her hitting never stopped. She was never aware what da was until she got a test and they told her she was dismissive avoidant and she was very upset with this because she wanted to be adhd. I was taken back why would you want that. so far I kept my mouth shut about my problems until 2023 and eventually she told me she didn't love me and she felt I was no good anymore, I was getting high and drinking fire balls, I woke up so angry and frustrated and just told her why do you have such a problem with me, she said I was delusional, I was mad because I gotten so tired of her dodging my questions, I was in the room with her and our daughter was in the room. Till this day my ex will never be honest what happened that day, she hit me so much I got pulled down on the floor all because of my eyes, she said I looked dangerous, which I'm very confused with this because I never ever hit her even once, she said I put myself on the floor and i was furious and screamed at anger which was so stupid of me, my mind was telling me go to the other room, but all i can think about is if she is able to hit me she might be able to hurt my daughter, so i grabbed my daughter away from her and my worst decision ever because i never wanted my daughter to go what i went through as a child. till this day its being used against me. because my ex's family thinks i was the one who caused all that, now im here reflecting all this, there so much more that has happened and I'm not saying at all that i was the saint. I have been diagnosed with bipolar type 1, then later find out i was misdiagnosed, and it turns out i have adhd, which is funny to me because when i told my ex this she laughed at me, i only wanted to let her know because we have a daughter together. she said i told you youre not even bipolar and your adhd, but for years she would tell me i need to apply for disability for bi polar to get her a house and i kept telling her no. i need to work it helps me. she laughed at me. she wasnt always like this all the time but yeah. i still feel its all my fault even though, im seeking medical help, a doctor, calling suicide hot line just in case i have a break down and i have been doing this since 2023 and now, i found Jesus Christ, a church, still have a full time job, currently looking for another so i can support myself and my daughter, my ex refuses to get a job and all she wants to do still is smoke weed and sell drugs. but im the asshole.
after saying all this, i hope she gets help and finds a man who will give her all the security she needed, i was never able to make her feel that ever, even though i tried to the best way i could. i dont think she is an evil person, she is just in so much pain and hurting