Valentine poems about taxes
Random Post 5 - Humans/Gods that desperately need their own fan roster agenda: Jiang Ziya "Master Ivory" or "Master Tusk
2024.05.23 03:20 Dear_Stuff_2475 Random Post 5 - Humans/Gods that desperately need their own fan roster agenda: Jiang Ziya "Master Ivory" or "Master Tusk
 | Jiang Ziya was a nobody for most of his life. But he never gave up. This is the story of how he fulfilled his aspirations after many years of hardship. submitted by Dear_Stuff_2475 to ShuumatsuNoValkyrie [link] [comments] Let’s talk about the story of a late bloomer, a Chinese man from more than 3,000 years ago. In the first half of his life, he was a nobody and went through many hardships. Only at the incredibly ripe age of 72 did he start seeing some success. He then went on to become a powerful military strategist. He was instrumental in overthrowing the corrupted king of the Shang dynasty and helped to establish the longest dynasty in Chinese history, the Zhou Dynasty. This man is called Lü Shang, better known as Jiang Ziya, or Jiang Taigong. Extraordinary people usually descend from extraordinary ancestors, right? And Jiang Ziya was no exception. He was a descendant of Emperor Shennong. However, by the time Jiang Ziya was born in 11th century B.C., his family was already very poor. In ancient China, it was every educated man’s dream to work for the government and realize their talents. And for a smart man like Jiang Ziya, he had the same aspiration as well. For a while, he worked as a minor official in the court of the King of the Shang Dynasty, Shang Zhou Wang Di Xin. This king was very tall and handsome, and he was so strong that he could defeat beasts with his bare hands. And he wasn’t just all brawn and no brain. He was also very clever. Unfortunately, he didn’t put his gifts to good use. He used his eloquence to brag about himself and cover up his mistakes. And he didn’t heed anyone’s advice. He thought, “Oh, nobody in the world is as amazing as me. I’m chosen by heaven!” The King completely ignored state affairs and simply drank and partied all day long. And he was not busy having a jolly time, he was abusing and punishing, torturing his people, including his ministers. He and his concubine, Daji, invented many extremely cruel punishments, and they derived pleasure from watching people suffer. He also heavily taxed the people to support his own decadent lifestyle. For simplicity, let’s refer to this king as the “Wicked King”. Jiang Ziya was disgusted by the wicked king. He was also fed up because he cannot put his talents to good use and benefit the people. The wicked king only favoured officials who encouraged his evil acts, and Jiang Ziya could never do that. Disappointed by all of this, he wanted to leave his position. The last straw might have been when the wicked king invented a devilishly cruel punishment. He installed a large, hollow bronze cylinder and stuffed the inside with burning charcoal. The prisoner was then tied to the scorching cylinder, which resulted in an excruciating death. Jiang Ziya realized that the wicked King’s dynasty is destined to fall, so he quit his job and went home. From then on, in order to make ends meet, he did odd jobs here and there. He became a butcher and sold meat. But the weather became so hot that all his meat quickly went bad. He also tried selling other things like alcohol or wheat flour. But all of these business ventures failed miserably. He was already middle-aged, yet he hadn’t accomplished anything in life. One day, his wife just could not take it anymore, “You are such a loser. An utter failure. Look how poor we are. You are such a useless man. I’m leaving you.” So she kicked him out. Jiang Ziya just seemed to be having a long streak of bad luck. You know, as the Chinese people say, “Dǎoméi de shíhòu, hē liángshuǐ dū sāi yá” (“When you’re unlucky, even water gets stuck in your teeth”). Despite all of these misfortunes, there was one thing that Jiang Ziya persisted with, which was learning. Regardless of his circumstances, Jiang Ziya never stopped learning. He read voraciously and accumulated knowledge in astronomy, geography, government and politics, military strategy, and much more. He was just waiting for an opportunity to serve a leader who could appreciate his knowledge and intelligence. So you can see here one quality that distinguishes him from many others. He had grand ambitions and high aspirations. An old Chinese saying goes “Without roots, a tree cannot grow tall. And without aspirations, a man cannot achieve great things.” It’s like in modern times too, all the successful people talk about the importance of setting goals. Another prominent quality of Jiang Ziya is patience. Patience is a virtue. There’s a reason why people say that. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things just do not go your way and life can really suck. At those times, the best thing you can do is to wait patiently and keep on improving yourself—”Chance favours only the prepared mind.” (Louis Pasteur) Finally, when Jiang Ziya was 70 years old, this chance, this golden opportunity came. He heard that one of the small states had a very good ruler. Xībó Hóu Jī Chāng, the Duke of Zhou. This duke ruled over his people through kindness and virtue. He respected the old and was kind to the young. He was also diligent and appreciated talent. As a result, he attracted many capable people to his state. So upon hearing about him, Jiang Ziya thought, “I want to work for him!” But as you can imagine, not just anyone can approach someone in such a high position. For example, just because I feel I have great knowledge of how to govern a country doesn’t mean the British Prime Minister would be willing to meet me. How do you attract someone’s attention without approaching them? You have to pique their curiosity. You have to do something unusual to catch their attention. Jiang Ziya, with all his smarts and the knowledge accumulated throughout the years, came up with an eccentric plan. He found a lovely spot near the river and settled himself there and started fishing. But not just any kind of fishing. He didn’t use any bait, and he used a straight fishhook instead of the usual curved one. And he had a fish hook three feet above the water. On top of all of these, he also muttered to himself, “Fish, fish. If you don’t want to live anymore, just get on the hook yourself.” He did this all day and every day. People thought he was crazy. One man laughed at him and said, “I’ve seen many idiots, but I haven’t seen anyone as silly as you. You are never going to catch a fish even if you sit here for another 100 years.” Jiang Ziya simply stroked his beard, shook his head and replied. “No, no, no, no. You don’t understand. The fish is not what I’m trying to catch.” What did Jiang Ziya mean? Well, his approach was very Chinese. In fact, his thinking aligned with the Daoist philosophy of letting fate unravel itself and following the course of nature. Just like the willing fish being caught by itself. A virtuous leader who is deserving of Jiang’s service will come and seek him out. All Jiang Ziya had to do was just to wait patiently. One day the virtuous duke decided to go hunting, and he arrived near the river. He saw that among the tall grass sat an old man, which was still there. The Duke quietly observed for a few minutes and found his fishing method very strange indeed. So the Duke approached Jiang Ziya and asked, “Sir, how are you? What are you doing here? Do you enjoy fishing?” Now, finally, for the first time, Jiang Ziya had the opportunity to pitch himself to the virtuous duke. Jiang Ziya calmly said “An average man is satisfied when he completes a task, while a great man is satisfied only when he fulfils his aspiration. I’m not sitting here because I enjoyed the act of fishing itself.” Basically, he’s implying, not very subtly, that he’s not an average man. He is someone special. He continued his speech “Just like when a man tries to catch a fish, the same principles apply to when a leader tries to recruit talented people. There are three power moves. First, you need a bait, which is the reward. And second, the bait needs to be yummy. So the salary needs to be generous. And third, you need to offer prominent positions to capable people. When you can do all of these. Then you’ll be able to recruit brave and loyal people who might even be willing to risk their lives for you.” This was exactly what the virtuous Duke needed to hear. If he wanted to strengthen his own state and eventually overthrow the powerful, Wicked King, he can’t just do that by himself. He needed to build a strong team of key talents. The virtuous Duke said, “Please tell me more. How can I win people over?” Jiang Ziya continued to share his infinite wisdom, “A country could become powerful only when the people prosper. If the officials enrich themselves while the people remain poor, the rule cannot last long. The major principle in ruling a country should be to love the people and to love the people means to reduce taxes and unnecessary labour and share your wealth with them. Improve people’s comfort and reduce their pain. That is the Dao or the Way of the King. If you follow the Dao, people will follow you.” The Duke was very impressed with this astute old man and courteously invited Jiang Ziya onto his carriage and appointed him as the advisor. After arriving at the state of Zhou, Jiang Ziya advocated for virtuous governing. As a result, the people of Zhou developed very high moral values. The virtuous Duke and Jiang Ziya also promoted agriculture and boosted the economy, as well as expanded the area of influence. Eventually, about two-thirds of China either directly belonged to or were allies of the virtuous Duke. Sadly, shortly afterwards, the virtuous Duke passed away. His second son, Jifa, inherited the throne and followed in his father’s footsteps. Like father, like son, he was also a virtuous leader and cared deeply about his people. Let’s call him “Virtuous Duke 2.0”. In 1046 B.C., the Wicked King became even more hedonistic and ruthless. Two of his uncles were also ministers at the court, and they advised the king to abandon his playboy ways. But instead of listening, the Wicked King savagely killed one of his uncles and threw the other one in prison. Soon, the people of the Shang were so oppressed that no one dared to speak. People had completely lost their faith in the wicked king. Around the same time, the wicked king dispatched his main army force to fight far away in the east of China, which meant that the Shang Dynasty’s capital city was left poorly defended. Jiang Ziya and virtuous Duke 2.0 believed that this was the perfect time to attack. But before making the decision as it was customary, Virtuous Duke 2.0 turned to divination. Divination was a common practice back in ancient China. It’s a way to gain insight into a situation or prophesise an event. Basically, it’s fortune-telling. The Royal Diviner burned a piece of the tortoiseshell, interpreted the cracks on it, and announced that the omen was unfavourable. In fact, it was terrible. At the same time, suddenly dark clouds gathered overhead and then there was lightning, thunder and downpour. The atmosphere instantly intensified. Everyone at the court was terrified and they all thought that the expedition should be cancelled. Well, everyone, except for Jiang Ziya. He snapped a tortoiseshell, slammed it onto the floor and stomped it into many pieces. He was furious and said, “What can bones from dead animals tell us about the future? We must go ahead and attack.” Now, you might find this really strange. It seems as if Jiang Ziya was defying the will of heaven, but clearly, he respected heaven and he was not an atheist. So why did he dismiss the prediction? Well, one critical element in warfare is timing. You have to move fast. Jiang Ziya once said that if you want to be successful, if you want to follow the Dao or the Way of the Saints, then you must avoid hesitating and doubting yourself when the timing is right. On top of that, divination requires interpretation. Different people may interpret the same tortoiseshell pattern differently. What lies in the future is ultimately unknown and something we cannot control. What we can control are our actions. So I think that’s why he insisted on the attack. Sure, he was patient, but he was also quick to act when it’s the right time to do so. And that is the yin and yang of life. Virtuous Duke 2.0 took Jiang Ziya’s advice and went forward with the expedition. He led an army of 300 chariots, 3,000 elite warriors and 45,000 footmen. Together, they crossed the Yellow River and stopped at Muye, which was only 70 miles away from the Wicked King’s capital. Here they met the Wicked King’s defending Army, which was ten times bigger and consisted of over 700,000 men. Jiang Ziya led a small group of 100 men, beat the drums and charged forward. Imagine a silver-haired man in his eighties fighting on the battlefield. What a sight to behold! A poem from Shijing described him “as mighty, as an eagle spreading its wings.” On the other hand, many of the Wicked King’s soldiers did not want to fight for their corrupted leader and defected to the virtuous Duke 2.0 army. This greatly lowered the morale of the Wicked King’s troops, and they were defeated within one day. When the Wicked King saw that his capital had been taken over, he dashed back to the palace and climbed onto the tallest building in the capital, where he used to party all day long. He donned his best clothes, put on luxurious jewellery, set fire to everything, and committed suicide. The Virtuous Duke released the ministers that were put into prison, distributed the Wicked King’s remaining treasures and money, and open the granaries so the poor people could get food. Thus, the Zhou dynasty began and Virtuous Duke 2.0 became King of Zhou. As for Jiang Ziya, as a reward for his contributions, he was appointed to the State of Qi and became the Duke of Qi. Through his wise governing, Qi became a big, powerful and prosperous state. Jiang Ziya passed away when he was over 100 years old. So that’s the story of how a man finally fulfils his aspirations after many years of hardship. If you are experiencing a midlife crisis or even a quarter-life crisis, just remember that every flower blooms at a different rate. Some people achieve success at a young age, while others have to persevere for decades before accomplishing extraordinary things. No matter what’s going on in your life, be like Jiang Ziya, never give up and always work on yourself! |
2024.05.22 18:51 ThrowawayPickle11 I've been beaten into submission and have nothing to show for it. (long ramble)
Forgive me if this is long, but it's been a long few years. Hopefully no one recognizes me based on these events.
When I turned 18, I came into some money left for me by my late and beloved grandmother. As the young and dumb idiot that I was at the time, I ignored the words I was given by my mom and blew it all over the course of 2 years +. Not on any big purchases, but a combination of small purchases, dumb subscriptions, being naive and paying more for rent than I should've compared to my roommate(s), and the biggest factor: giving a lot of it to people who didn't need it.
I've always been a giver to the point that it leaves me with nothing, and that was no different. That was the beginning of the downward spiral of my life.
Personal life:
For most of my life I've felt inadequate and worthless. I've always been the nerd that gets made fun of or taken advantage of, I've always been skinny which has been a point of being picked on often or daily. I'm black, which invites jokes at my race and skin tone, even from other black people. I've always done my own thing, whether with my preferences or introversion, which ALSO gets picked on due to me not being like everyone else I interact with. I've moved too often, worked too much, or been picked on too much to ever experience much to the point where I barely no how to do anything but work, game, and "nerdy" things, which has also been picked on. I'm always a shoulder to cry on, but these same people never lend me an ear when I need it. I only ever do it because there's a part of me that longs for contact, and for most of my life that was the only time I was ever given the time of day or sought out by anyone, including family.
There are only three people in the world that ever give a damn about what I say, whether important or small talk that THEY start. Otherwise I'm talked over, ignored, interrupted, or the conversation somehow gets turned into a way to pick on me for small things that have added up.
A lot of the bullying and picking on I've experienced has been small things with bigger things sprinkled in, always about my insecurities, but I've had a thick enough skin to not interact, or a lack of a spine to respond properly. This has built up to shattering any confidence I've ever had in myself, and destroyed any desire to interact with people. I'm afraid every conversation I have will turn into a waste of time or a way to shit on me, and I've been right on the money every time other than with my mom or TWO of the only five people I talk to outside of family.
I stay in those situations because those are the only interactions I have otherwise. I'm desperate for conversation with people who don't want to talk to me, people whom I have nothing in common with, and people who like to rag on me. I'm pathetic.
The work saga:
For years, I've put my all into my work, whatever job it may be. I've had three long term jobs since I was 17, one of which I worked for 5 years (with a break during covid due to it shutting down). There were several factors that caused me to leave both of the jobs I worked the longest, but it basically amounted to being overworked to the point of having health and stress issues, picking up the workload of the dozens of people who quit around me or under me, adding to my own stress, being openly walked on and disrespected to the point of bullying at times, having no life outside of work whatsoever which forced my "friends" to be coworkers (some of whom either betrayed me in ways or used me, as I should've expected), and eventually either being thrown away or driven to near insanity.
Due to several reasons, I didn't and still don't drive, which has forced me to bus or Uber everywhere, using lyft/Uber for the most part during the first half due to me being too tired to wake up in time, and getting off too late to bus home at times. I've had to walk several miles to get home, which ruined shoes and my feet, and added to my fatigue.
Throughout that time, I incurred a few debts, some of which were my fault and others weren't. I owed the IRS several hundred dollars federally with no apparent origin, and even after calling them, they expressed confusion at it, but said they couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. I paid $17,000 in taxes of the $30,000 I made that year, and still owed several hundred. I had paid off my credit cards, only to bring them right back where they started because my friend didn't calculate properly or prepare us properly for the vacation we took to his home town, forcing me to use the cards to afford gas and food for us since we'd otherwise be stranded and broke. Then returned to find I had been replaced at my 5 year-long job by an asshole who turned the place into a hell that even our customers noticed, making me walk out with over half of the staff after a few weeks.
At the next job I lacked a spine enough to do anything meaningful about the manager and others who bullied me on a constant basis, and ruined a birthday I didn't even want to celebrate to begin with. When I DID finally confront him, it stopped, but was seemingly replaced by being overworked due to them and the other managers causing dozens of my peers and those beneath me to quit weekly, leaving me and others to hold it together while they showed favoritism to others. HR was useless. No one had a spine to sue for long because of how big the company was, and because everyone they hired was desperate for cash to the point of fear.
For most of my life I've had issues with depression and anxiety, having written several poems about killing myself when I was 12 onwards. I switched schools often due to moving, and any friends I made along the way fell by the wayside save for 4 of them, and for a time, I'd only ever be contacted by others so I could be a shoulder to cry on or for money that I didn't have. But due to my nature as a selfless, self-sabotaging idiot, I gave everything but the lint in my pockets.
The few times I had an opportunity to experience any fun or life outside of work, I was either dragged to something that made me extremely uncomfortable, or was made fun of for my lack of experience with ANYTHING, which discouraged me from trying any further (which was ALSO used to pick on me).
I have no love life whatsoever, and the only "girlfriend" I've ever had didn't last long for multiple reasons.
Everything:
The combination of stress from my tumultuous work life, my relcusivity, being walked on, not being respected in ANY capacity (from my preferences to my introversion to my skinny body to my skin tone to my issues, etc), the guilt of me wasting my grandmother's money, feelings of inadequacy and being a burden to anyone that showed me any actual kindness, and my mental issues, led to me nearly killing myself several times over the last two and a half months alone. I've cried out for help so much to anyone and everyone, and no one gave a damn except my mother, who can only do so much. No one seems to care other than her and my aunt/uncles, but talking doesn't help. At least not with them. And so I stopped.
I get awkward and resistant to compliments or nice actions because I'm neither used to them nor do I feel worthy of them. I pretend to be OK to save myself from another conversation I'm either going to be too messed up to heed the help of, or waste my time talking to someone who isn't going to say anything helpful at all. I went to a mental hospital for a week a month ago, but pretended I was OK to get out of there because all they did was lock me away and give me bingo cards, otherwise treating me like furniture. I tried seeking out therapy but they either have no availability, don't take my insurance, or flake on me. I tried taking pills but they caused me to hallucinate and ruined my sleep rather than fixing it. I had a cat but gave her away to someone who can care for her better, and I got too snappy because of my fragile psyche, and I was tired of being mean to her over cat things. I love that cat, and she's better off with someone who can love her better. She's too much of an animal to realize I'm unworthy of her love, which she gave me more than I deserved.
I've been starving myself in hopes that I'll end up dying of malnutrition to save myself the stress and pain of killing myself, but also so I'll hopefully see a light at the end of the tunnel.
My lung has collapse twice over the last three years spontaneously, either due to stress or God's jokes, if there even is a god (I'm agnostic and don't care enough to think about it).
Finding work has been difficult to impossible due to the lack of work I'm suited for and my lack of drive to put any effort into anything. I'm afraid to interact with people out of fear of not knowing how to, or being made fun of again, or being used again, or burdening anyone with my nonsense.
My roommate has decided to pay for everything until I get back on my feet because I took him and another friend in when they were at their rock bottoms and let them live rent free for months, so he feels he's returning the favor, especially because he's now working a VERY high paying job. But I can't help feeling like a burden freeloader in my own home.
I stopped talking about any of this with anyone I know because they either can't help, have helped too much, or don't care enough to try. Most of all, I don't deserve it.
I should've saved myself from being bullied time and time again. Should've saved myself from being walked on at work and used like a tool for years only to be thrown away or overworked. Should've hunted for the people who'd actually care about me and what I have to say. Should've taken the helpful words and done something with them rather than failed every time. Should've been better.
Instead, I've been too weak, afraid, beaten down, and useless to make anything I try effective or even try at all. Even being here means nothing. My only goal in life would be to earn back the $30,000 I wasted and give it to someone who will put it to better use than I did.
If all of this has been meaningless rambling, I apologize. There is just so much that has happened that my mind is fried.
submitted by ThrowawayPickle11 to depression [link] [comments]
When I turned 18, I came into some money left for me by my late and beloved grandmother. As the young and dumb idiot that I was at the time, I ignored the words I was given by my mom and blew it all over the course of 2 years +. Not on any big purchases, but a combination of small purchases, dumb subscriptions, being naive and paying more for rent than I should've compared to my roommate(s), and the biggest factor: giving a lot of it to people who didn't need it.
I've always been a giver to the point that it leaves me with nothing, and that was no different. That was the beginning of the downward spiral of my life.
Personal life:
For most of my life I've felt inadequate and worthless. I've always been the nerd that gets made fun of or taken advantage of, I've always been skinny which has been a point of being picked on often or daily. I'm black, which invites jokes at my race and skin tone, even from other black people. I've always done my own thing, whether with my preferences or introversion, which ALSO gets picked on due to me not being like everyone else I interact with. I've moved too often, worked too much, or been picked on too much to ever experience much to the point where I barely no how to do anything but work, game, and "nerdy" things, which has also been picked on. I'm always a shoulder to cry on, but these same people never lend me an ear when I need it. I only ever do it because there's a part of me that longs for contact, and for most of my life that was the only time I was ever given the time of day or sought out by anyone, including family.
There are only three people in the world that ever give a damn about what I say, whether important or small talk that THEY start. Otherwise I'm talked over, ignored, interrupted, or the conversation somehow gets turned into a way to pick on me for small things that have added up.
A lot of the bullying and picking on I've experienced has been small things with bigger things sprinkled in, always about my insecurities, but I've had a thick enough skin to not interact, or a lack of a spine to respond properly. This has built up to shattering any confidence I've ever had in myself, and destroyed any desire to interact with people. I'm afraid every conversation I have will turn into a waste of time or a way to shit on me, and I've been right on the money every time other than with my mom or TWO of the only five people I talk to outside of family.
I stay in those situations because those are the only interactions I have otherwise. I'm desperate for conversation with people who don't want to talk to me, people whom I have nothing in common with, and people who like to rag on me. I'm pathetic.
The work saga:
For years, I've put my all into my work, whatever job it may be. I've had three long term jobs since I was 17, one of which I worked for 5 years (with a break during covid due to it shutting down). There were several factors that caused me to leave both of the jobs I worked the longest, but it basically amounted to being overworked to the point of having health and stress issues, picking up the workload of the dozens of people who quit around me or under me, adding to my own stress, being openly walked on and disrespected to the point of bullying at times, having no life outside of work whatsoever which forced my "friends" to be coworkers (some of whom either betrayed me in ways or used me, as I should've expected), and eventually either being thrown away or driven to near insanity.
Due to several reasons, I didn't and still don't drive, which has forced me to bus or Uber everywhere, using lyft/Uber for the most part during the first half due to me being too tired to wake up in time, and getting off too late to bus home at times. I've had to walk several miles to get home, which ruined shoes and my feet, and added to my fatigue.
Throughout that time, I incurred a few debts, some of which were my fault and others weren't. I owed the IRS several hundred dollars federally with no apparent origin, and even after calling them, they expressed confusion at it, but said they couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. I paid $17,000 in taxes of the $30,000 I made that year, and still owed several hundred. I had paid off my credit cards, only to bring them right back where they started because my friend didn't calculate properly or prepare us properly for the vacation we took to his home town, forcing me to use the cards to afford gas and food for us since we'd otherwise be stranded and broke. Then returned to find I had been replaced at my 5 year-long job by an asshole who turned the place into a hell that even our customers noticed, making me walk out with over half of the staff after a few weeks.
At the next job I lacked a spine enough to do anything meaningful about the manager and others who bullied me on a constant basis, and ruined a birthday I didn't even want to celebrate to begin with. When I DID finally confront him, it stopped, but was seemingly replaced by being overworked due to them and the other managers causing dozens of my peers and those beneath me to quit weekly, leaving me and others to hold it together while they showed favoritism to others. HR was useless. No one had a spine to sue for long because of how big the company was, and because everyone they hired was desperate for cash to the point of fear.
For most of my life I've had issues with depression and anxiety, having written several poems about killing myself when I was 12 onwards. I switched schools often due to moving, and any friends I made along the way fell by the wayside save for 4 of them, and for a time, I'd only ever be contacted by others so I could be a shoulder to cry on or for money that I didn't have. But due to my nature as a selfless, self-sabotaging idiot, I gave everything but the lint in my pockets.
The few times I had an opportunity to experience any fun or life outside of work, I was either dragged to something that made me extremely uncomfortable, or was made fun of for my lack of experience with ANYTHING, which discouraged me from trying any further (which was ALSO used to pick on me).
I have no love life whatsoever, and the only "girlfriend" I've ever had didn't last long for multiple reasons.
Everything:
The combination of stress from my tumultuous work life, my relcusivity, being walked on, not being respected in ANY capacity (from my preferences to my introversion to my skinny body to my skin tone to my issues, etc), the guilt of me wasting my grandmother's money, feelings of inadequacy and being a burden to anyone that showed me any actual kindness, and my mental issues, led to me nearly killing myself several times over the last two and a half months alone. I've cried out for help so much to anyone and everyone, and no one gave a damn except my mother, who can only do so much. No one seems to care other than her and my aunt/uncles, but talking doesn't help. At least not with them. And so I stopped.
I get awkward and resistant to compliments or nice actions because I'm neither used to them nor do I feel worthy of them. I pretend to be OK to save myself from another conversation I'm either going to be too messed up to heed the help of, or waste my time talking to someone who isn't going to say anything helpful at all. I went to a mental hospital for a week a month ago, but pretended I was OK to get out of there because all they did was lock me away and give me bingo cards, otherwise treating me like furniture. I tried seeking out therapy but they either have no availability, don't take my insurance, or flake on me. I tried taking pills but they caused me to hallucinate and ruined my sleep rather than fixing it. I had a cat but gave her away to someone who can care for her better, and I got too snappy because of my fragile psyche, and I was tired of being mean to her over cat things. I love that cat, and she's better off with someone who can love her better. She's too much of an animal to realize I'm unworthy of her love, which she gave me more than I deserved.
I've been starving myself in hopes that I'll end up dying of malnutrition to save myself the stress and pain of killing myself, but also so I'll hopefully see a light at the end of the tunnel.
My lung has collapse twice over the last three years spontaneously, either due to stress or God's jokes, if there even is a god (I'm agnostic and don't care enough to think about it).
Finding work has been difficult to impossible due to the lack of work I'm suited for and my lack of drive to put any effort into anything. I'm afraid to interact with people out of fear of not knowing how to, or being made fun of again, or being used again, or burdening anyone with my nonsense.
My roommate has decided to pay for everything until I get back on my feet because I took him and another friend in when they were at their rock bottoms and let them live rent free for months, so he feels he's returning the favor, especially because he's now working a VERY high paying job. But I can't help feeling like a burden freeloader in my own home.
I stopped talking about any of this with anyone I know because they either can't help, have helped too much, or don't care enough to try. Most of all, I don't deserve it.
I should've saved myself from being bullied time and time again. Should've saved myself from being walked on at work and used like a tool for years only to be thrown away or overworked. Should've hunted for the people who'd actually care about me and what I have to say. Should've taken the helpful words and done something with them rather than failed every time. Should've been better.
Instead, I've been too weak, afraid, beaten down, and useless to make anything I try effective or even try at all. Even being here means nothing. My only goal in life would be to earn back the $30,000 I wasted and give it to someone who will put it to better use than I did.
If all of this has been meaningless rambling, I apologize. There is just so much that has happened that my mind is fried.
2024.05.22 18:50 ThrowawayPickle11 I'm stuck in a bad way and don't know if there's a future for me (long. Sorry.)
Forgive me if this is long, but it's been a long few years. Hopefully no one recognizes me based on these events.
When I turned 18, I came into some money left for me by my late and beloved grandmother. As the young and dumb idiot that I was at the time, I ignored the words I was given by my mom and blew it all over the course of 2 years +. Not on any big purchases, but a combination of small purchases, dumb subscriptions, being naive and paying more for rent than I should've compared to my roommate(s), and the biggest factor: giving a lot of it to people who didn't need it.
I've always been a giver to the point that it leaves me with nothing, and that was no different. That was the beginning of the downward spiral of my life.
Personal life:
For most of my life I've felt inadequate and worthless. I've always been the nerd that gets made fun of or taken advantage of, I've always been skinny which has been a point of being picked on often or daily. I'm black, which invites jokes at my race and skin tone, even from other black people. I've always done my own thing, whether with my preferences or introversion, which ALSO gets picked on due to me not being like everyone else I interact with. I've moved too often, worked too much, or been picked on too much to ever experience much to the point where I barely no how to do anything but work, game, and "nerdy" things, which has also been picked on. I'm always a shoulder to cry on, but these same people never lend me an ear when I need it. I only ever do it because there's a part of me that longs for contact, and for most of my life that was the only time I was ever given the time of day or sought out by anyone, including family.
There are only three people in the world that ever give a damn about what I say, whether important or small talk that THEY start. Otherwise I'm talked over, ignored, interrupted, or the conversation somehow gets turned into a way to pick on me for small things that have added up.
A lot of the bullying and picking on I've experienced has been small things with bigger things sprinkled in, always about my insecurities, but I've had a thick enough skin to not interact, or a lack of a spine to respond properly. This has built up to shattering any confidence I've ever had in myself, and destroyed any desire to interact with people. I'm afraid every conversation I have will turn into a waste of time or a way to shit on me, and I've been right on the money every time other than with my mom or TWO of the only five people I talk to outside of family.
I stay in those situations because those are the only interactions I have otherwise. I'm desperate for conversation with people who don't want to talk to me, people whom I have nothing in common with, and people who like to rag on me. I'm pathetic.
The work saga:
For years, I've put my all into my work, whatever job it may be. I've had three long term jobs since I was 17, one of which I worked for 5 years (with a break during covid due to it shutting down). There were several factors that caused me to leave both of the jobs I worked the longest, but it basically amounted to being overworked to the point of having health and stress issues, picking up the workload of the dozens of people who quit around me or under me, adding to my own stress, being openly walked on and disrespected to the point of bullying at times, having no life outside of work whatsoever which forced my "friends" to be coworkers (some of whom either betrayed me in ways or used me, as I should've expected), and eventually either being thrown away or driven to near insanity.
Due to several reasons, I didn't and still don't drive, which has forced me to bus or Uber everywhere, using lyft/Uber for the most part during the first half due to me being too tired to wake up in time, and getting off too late to bus home at times. I've had to walk several miles to get home, which ruined shoes and my feet, and added to my fatigue.
Throughout that time, I incurred a few debts, some of which were my fault and others weren't. I owed the IRS several hundred dollars federally with no apparent origin, and even after calling them, they expressed confusion at it, but said they couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. I paid $17,000 in taxes of the $30,000 I made that year, and still owed several hundred. I had paid off my credit cards, only to bring them right back where they started because my friend didn't calculate properly or prepare us properly for the vacation we took to his home town, forcing me to use the cards to afford gas and food for us since we'd otherwise be stranded and broke. Then returned to find I had been replaced at my 5 year-long job by an asshole who turned the place into a hell that even our customers noticed, making me walk out with over half of the staff after a few weeks.
At the next job I lacked a spine enough to do anything meaningful about the manager and others who bullied me on a constant basis, and ruined a birthday I didn't even want to celebrate to begin with. When I DID finally confront him, it stopped, but was seemingly replaced by being overworked due to them and the other managers causing dozens of my peers and those beneath me to quit weekly, leaving me and others to hold it together while they showed favoritism to others. HR was useless. No one had a spine to sue for long because of how big the company was, and because everyone they hired was desperate for cash to the point of fear.
For most of my life I've had issues with depression and anxiety, having written several poems about killing myself when I was 12 onwards. I switched schools often due to moving, and any friends I made along the way fell by the wayside save for 4 of them, and for a time, I'd only ever be contacted by others so I could be a shoulder to cry on or for money that I didn't have. But due to my nature as a selfless, self-sabotaging idiot, I gave everything but the lint in my pockets.
The few times I had an opportunity to experience any fun or life outside of work, I was either dragged to something that made me extremely uncomfortable, or was made fun of for my lack of experience with ANYTHING, which discouraged me from trying any further (which was ALSO used to pick on me).
I have no love life whatsoever, and the only "girlfriend" I've ever had didn't last long for multiple reasons.
Everything:
The combination of stress from my tumultuous work life, my relcusivity, being walked on, not being respected in ANY capacity (from my preferences to my introversion to my skinny body to my skin tone to my issues, etc), the guilt of me wasting my grandmother's money, feelings of inadequacy and being a burden to anyone that showed me any actual kindness, and my mental issues, led to me nearly killing myself several times over the last two and a half months alone. I've cried out for help so much to anyone and everyone, and no one gave a damn except my mother, who can only do so much. No one seems to care other than her and my aunt/uncles, but talking doesn't help. At least not with them. And so I stopped.
I get awkward and resistant to compliments or nice actions because I'm neither used to them nor do I feel worthy of them. I pretend to be OK to save myself from another conversation I'm either going to be too messed up to heed the help of, or waste my time talking to someone who isn't going to say anything helpful at all. I went to a mental hospital for a week a month ago, but pretended I was OK to get out of there because all they did was lock me away and give me bingo cards, otherwise treating me like furniture. I tried seeking out therapy but they either have no availability, don't take my insurance, or flake on me. I tried taking pills but they caused me to hallucinate and ruined my sleep rather than fixing it. I had a cat but gave her away to someone who can care for her better, and I got too snappy because of my fragile psyche, and I was tired of being mean to her over cat things. I love that cat, and she's better off with someone who can love her better. She's too much of an animal to realize I'm unworthy of her love, which she gave me more than I deserved.
I've been starving myself in hopes that I'll end up dying of malnutrition to save myself the stress and pain of killing myself, but also so I'll hopefully see a light at the end of the tunnel.
My lung has collapse twice over the last three years spontaneously, either due to stress or God's jokes, if there even is a god (I'm agnostic and don't care enough to think about it).
Finding work has been difficult to impossible due to the lack of work I'm suited for and my lack of drive to put any effort into anything. I'm afraid to interact with people out of fear of not knowing how to, or being made fun of again, or being used again, or burdening anyone with my nonsense.
My roommate has decided to pay for everything until I get back on my feet because I took him and another friend in when they were at their rock bottoms and let them live rent free for months, so he feels he's returning the favor, especially because he's now working a VERY high paying job. But I can't help feeling like a burden freeloader in my own home.
I stopped talking about any of this with anyone I know because they either can't help, have helped too much, or don't care enough to try. Most of all, I don't deserve it.
I should've saved myself from being bullied time and time again. Should've saved myself from being walked on at work and used like a tool for years only to be thrown away or overworked. Should've hunted for the people who'd actually care about me and what I have to say. Should've taken the helpful words and done something with them rather than failed every time. Should've been better.
Instead, I've been too weak, afraid, beaten down, and useless to make anything I try effective or even try at all. Im afraid anything Ill put my efforts into will crumble into dust like it usually does. Even being here means nothing. My only goal in life would be to earn back the $30,000 I wasted and give it to someone who will put it to better use than I did. But I can't even find the will or drive to live day to day.
If all of this has been meaningless rambling, I apologize. There is just so much that has happened that my mind is fried.
submitted by ThrowawayPickle11 to Vent [link] [comments]
When I turned 18, I came into some money left for me by my late and beloved grandmother. As the young and dumb idiot that I was at the time, I ignored the words I was given by my mom and blew it all over the course of 2 years +. Not on any big purchases, but a combination of small purchases, dumb subscriptions, being naive and paying more for rent than I should've compared to my roommate(s), and the biggest factor: giving a lot of it to people who didn't need it.
I've always been a giver to the point that it leaves me with nothing, and that was no different. That was the beginning of the downward spiral of my life.
Personal life:
For most of my life I've felt inadequate and worthless. I've always been the nerd that gets made fun of or taken advantage of, I've always been skinny which has been a point of being picked on often or daily. I'm black, which invites jokes at my race and skin tone, even from other black people. I've always done my own thing, whether with my preferences or introversion, which ALSO gets picked on due to me not being like everyone else I interact with. I've moved too often, worked too much, or been picked on too much to ever experience much to the point where I barely no how to do anything but work, game, and "nerdy" things, which has also been picked on. I'm always a shoulder to cry on, but these same people never lend me an ear when I need it. I only ever do it because there's a part of me that longs for contact, and for most of my life that was the only time I was ever given the time of day or sought out by anyone, including family.
There are only three people in the world that ever give a damn about what I say, whether important or small talk that THEY start. Otherwise I'm talked over, ignored, interrupted, or the conversation somehow gets turned into a way to pick on me for small things that have added up.
A lot of the bullying and picking on I've experienced has been small things with bigger things sprinkled in, always about my insecurities, but I've had a thick enough skin to not interact, or a lack of a spine to respond properly. This has built up to shattering any confidence I've ever had in myself, and destroyed any desire to interact with people. I'm afraid every conversation I have will turn into a waste of time or a way to shit on me, and I've been right on the money every time other than with my mom or TWO of the only five people I talk to outside of family.
I stay in those situations because those are the only interactions I have otherwise. I'm desperate for conversation with people who don't want to talk to me, people whom I have nothing in common with, and people who like to rag on me. I'm pathetic.
The work saga:
For years, I've put my all into my work, whatever job it may be. I've had three long term jobs since I was 17, one of which I worked for 5 years (with a break during covid due to it shutting down). There were several factors that caused me to leave both of the jobs I worked the longest, but it basically amounted to being overworked to the point of having health and stress issues, picking up the workload of the dozens of people who quit around me or under me, adding to my own stress, being openly walked on and disrespected to the point of bullying at times, having no life outside of work whatsoever which forced my "friends" to be coworkers (some of whom either betrayed me in ways or used me, as I should've expected), and eventually either being thrown away or driven to near insanity.
Due to several reasons, I didn't and still don't drive, which has forced me to bus or Uber everywhere, using lyft/Uber for the most part during the first half due to me being too tired to wake up in time, and getting off too late to bus home at times. I've had to walk several miles to get home, which ruined shoes and my feet, and added to my fatigue.
Throughout that time, I incurred a few debts, some of which were my fault and others weren't. I owed the IRS several hundred dollars federally with no apparent origin, and even after calling them, they expressed confusion at it, but said they couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it. I paid $17,000 in taxes of the $30,000 I made that year, and still owed several hundred. I had paid off my credit cards, only to bring them right back where they started because my friend didn't calculate properly or prepare us properly for the vacation we took to his home town, forcing me to use the cards to afford gas and food for us since we'd otherwise be stranded and broke. Then returned to find I had been replaced at my 5 year-long job by an asshole who turned the place into a hell that even our customers noticed, making me walk out with over half of the staff after a few weeks.
At the next job I lacked a spine enough to do anything meaningful about the manager and others who bullied me on a constant basis, and ruined a birthday I didn't even want to celebrate to begin with. When I DID finally confront him, it stopped, but was seemingly replaced by being overworked due to them and the other managers causing dozens of my peers and those beneath me to quit weekly, leaving me and others to hold it together while they showed favoritism to others. HR was useless. No one had a spine to sue for long because of how big the company was, and because everyone they hired was desperate for cash to the point of fear.
For most of my life I've had issues with depression and anxiety, having written several poems about killing myself when I was 12 onwards. I switched schools often due to moving, and any friends I made along the way fell by the wayside save for 4 of them, and for a time, I'd only ever be contacted by others so I could be a shoulder to cry on or for money that I didn't have. But due to my nature as a selfless, self-sabotaging idiot, I gave everything but the lint in my pockets.
The few times I had an opportunity to experience any fun or life outside of work, I was either dragged to something that made me extremely uncomfortable, or was made fun of for my lack of experience with ANYTHING, which discouraged me from trying any further (which was ALSO used to pick on me).
I have no love life whatsoever, and the only "girlfriend" I've ever had didn't last long for multiple reasons.
Everything:
The combination of stress from my tumultuous work life, my relcusivity, being walked on, not being respected in ANY capacity (from my preferences to my introversion to my skinny body to my skin tone to my issues, etc), the guilt of me wasting my grandmother's money, feelings of inadequacy and being a burden to anyone that showed me any actual kindness, and my mental issues, led to me nearly killing myself several times over the last two and a half months alone. I've cried out for help so much to anyone and everyone, and no one gave a damn except my mother, who can only do so much. No one seems to care other than her and my aunt/uncles, but talking doesn't help. At least not with them. And so I stopped.
I get awkward and resistant to compliments or nice actions because I'm neither used to them nor do I feel worthy of them. I pretend to be OK to save myself from another conversation I'm either going to be too messed up to heed the help of, or waste my time talking to someone who isn't going to say anything helpful at all. I went to a mental hospital for a week a month ago, but pretended I was OK to get out of there because all they did was lock me away and give me bingo cards, otherwise treating me like furniture. I tried seeking out therapy but they either have no availability, don't take my insurance, or flake on me. I tried taking pills but they caused me to hallucinate and ruined my sleep rather than fixing it. I had a cat but gave her away to someone who can care for her better, and I got too snappy because of my fragile psyche, and I was tired of being mean to her over cat things. I love that cat, and she's better off with someone who can love her better. She's too much of an animal to realize I'm unworthy of her love, which she gave me more than I deserved.
I've been starving myself in hopes that I'll end up dying of malnutrition to save myself the stress and pain of killing myself, but also so I'll hopefully see a light at the end of the tunnel.
My lung has collapse twice over the last three years spontaneously, either due to stress or God's jokes, if there even is a god (I'm agnostic and don't care enough to think about it).
Finding work has been difficult to impossible due to the lack of work I'm suited for and my lack of drive to put any effort into anything. I'm afraid to interact with people out of fear of not knowing how to, or being made fun of again, or being used again, or burdening anyone with my nonsense.
My roommate has decided to pay for everything until I get back on my feet because I took him and another friend in when they were at their rock bottoms and let them live rent free for months, so he feels he's returning the favor, especially because he's now working a VERY high paying job. But I can't help feeling like a burden freeloader in my own home.
I stopped talking about any of this with anyone I know because they either can't help, have helped too much, or don't care enough to try. Most of all, I don't deserve it.
I should've saved myself from being bullied time and time again. Should've saved myself from being walked on at work and used like a tool for years only to be thrown away or overworked. Should've hunted for the people who'd actually care about me and what I have to say. Should've taken the helpful words and done something with them rather than failed every time. Should've been better.
Instead, I've been too weak, afraid, beaten down, and useless to make anything I try effective or even try at all. Im afraid anything Ill put my efforts into will crumble into dust like it usually does. Even being here means nothing. My only goal in life would be to earn back the $30,000 I wasted and give it to someone who will put it to better use than I did. But I can't even find the will or drive to live day to day.
If all of this has been meaningless rambling, I apologize. There is just so much that has happened that my mind is fried.
2024.05.22 11:04 Wittybooze My (28M) love life has been a series of unfortunate events.
I (28M) had 6 breakups so far (from teenage to late 20s). None of them lasted for more than a year and there’s no common underlying cause, apart from universe trying to fuck with me. I think it’s hilarious. I also give relationship advice to my friends btw. They’re screwed along with me.
I’m an average looking guy tbh, 5’ 8”. I’m a solid 4/10, may be a 5/10 on a good day. But I have always been lucky with rlns. All of my exes are at least a 7/10. But, What I lack in looks, I do make up with my personality. So, As an overall package, i’d say I’m a 7/10.
Breakup #1: let’s call her SR
Duration: 8 months
Relationship type: Long Distance.
Reason: I was 15yrs old, Her male bestie was in love with her, and basically ratted us out to my Ex’s mother. Lots of drama later, she broke up with me. (Not my fault, reason is we got caught. everything was going great till this incident)
Breakup #2: Let’s call her SS,
Duration: 11 months on and off.
Rln Type: Long Distance.
Reason: I was 18yrs old, She was too possessive. Eg: She went through my fb chats, and made me unfriend each and every girl in my friend list. Basically made my social life nonexistent, during my 1st and 2nd year of bachelors. So, I slowly stared hiding things from her. I was dealing with mental health issues, I hid this and some other important stuff that was going on with me. Eventually she found out, we had a huge fight. We made up and tried again, I changed my behaviour, but I had to breakup after couple of months, coz, she couldn’t change her possessiveness.
Breakup #3: let’s call het R.
Duration: on and off 8 months.
Rln type: Situationship.
Reason: I was 20yrs old, She was 24yrs old. We got close under bizzare circumstances. Long story short, She was quite clear on us being casual from beginning. But I eventually caught feelings and she didn’t reciprocate. Honestly her situation was very bizarre, So, She couldn’t reciprocate. I didn’t want to face a bad heartbreak, which would have happened, if we continued. So I had to end things with her.
Breakup #4: Let’s call her A.
Duration: 8 months
Rln type: LDR
Reason: I was 22yrs old. Met her in a friend’s house party. Started of as casual rln. I was quite clear with her I would get into a relationship only if we are in same city. She said she will to move to Bangalore, So we gave it a shot. But even after 3 months she couldn’t move. Both of us were fresh out of college & were quite serious about careers back then. I was working in an IT startup and she was an MBA in consulting. My insane working hours and her schedule didn’t matchup. We barely talked for days. when we did talk, we just fought. She felt like she’s making appointments to have conversations with me. when we talk, it eventually led to fights. I felt like talking to her became a chore rather than something I looked forward to. Our fights were never ending and it was affecting my work and So, I decided to end it.
Breakup #5: Let’s call her SP
Duration: 8 months
Rln type: Situationship
Reason: I was 23y, she was 22y, met her 2 months after the last breakup, we were office colleagues. Started off as something casual, This is the first time in my life I felt like I had a consistent rln, I met her almost everyday, spent hours talking to each other, going on dates regularly. I have never been a possessive type. But the way she handled her ex’s made me feel like shit. It was getting on my nerves. I was getting toxic and she was too. We used to have regular fights about silliest reasons. But after 6 months I knew that there’s no future here. One fine day we fought regarding income tax. Yeah fucking income tax. At this point, If I had put in some efforts I would have saved the relationship. But honestly I was tired and gave up. I asked her to let’s just stay as friends. she agreed.
Right after this breakup, within 2 months covid happened. So basically no social life. I was talking to couple of girls, but I never took the next step because, I didn’t want a long distance rln. Covid and wfh basically ruined my social life. I didn’t meet any new friends. So I didn’t date anyone for quite a while. But I was happy tbh. Wfh continued because, I shifted to a completely remote job (freelance). Move to hyd because i had lot of college friends here.
Breakup #6: It was with A again.
Duration: 6 months
Type: LDR, but both of us travelled to each other’s cities very often.
Reason: both of us are 27 yrs old, We met in a friend’s wedding again after almost 4 years of no contact. We started talking again, eventually led to relationship. Now both us were quite adamant about taking things seriously. I was in hyd and she was in blr. We both met twice every month. We agreed we will do live in first and then see where it goes. I agreed to move to blr, coz I was doing wfh. But, with in 3 months into it, her parents pressured her to get married. I told her I need atleast 2 yrs to get married. but, I asked her to tell them about me & we will see how they react. She said she can’t unless I gave her a commitment. If her parents agreed we could get engaged and then married after year or 2. She didn’t communicate with her parents contemplating what if we breakup after engagement, etc. i felt stuck and asked to make up her mind. She basically took the 3rd option and left abroad, instead of dealing with her parents or me. I got mad, because she could have taken a stance with her parents just as easily staying in India. She asked me for LDR. i said no. So that ended as quickly as it started.
So, I have been single for 6 months now. I have started using dating apps. Went on few dates. But I don’t why, I was uninterested after 1 or 2 dates. Ended up ghosting some of them, Few ghosted me. Dating apps felt unnatural to me. I felt like I was going way out of my to have a relationship. Or maybe I had it lucky so far. I have stopped using the apps now. I was thinking back and felt like my dating life has been a series of unfortunate events.
I know I had commitment issues before. But now, it doesn’t seem like that’s a problem. I’m self aware, I’m not toxic. Maybe I move on too quickly (isn’t it a good thing) or give up too quickly? I do think long and hard before deciding to end things. So idk.
So, Apart from attributing my failed relationships to bad luck. I don’t know if there is an underlying problem. If there is, I don’t see it. Now, I’m thinking twice before approaching a girl. I don’t want to spend my social battery on another person just end up going nowhere.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Tldr: my love life has been a series of unfortunate events. Read the full text if you do have time. Basically, all the break ups had a different reason. And I don’t know why I can’t keep a relationship for more than a year.
Ps: Most of my breakups happened around December or January. My friends joke about this saying, you just want to save money for valentines. It’s a running joke now. if I start talking to another girl. They bring up January as an end date. They started joking about betting on how long it would last the next girl I meet.
submitted by Wittybooze to RelationshipIndia [link] [comments]
I’m an average looking guy tbh, 5’ 8”. I’m a solid 4/10, may be a 5/10 on a good day. But I have always been lucky with rlns. All of my exes are at least a 7/10. But, What I lack in looks, I do make up with my personality. So, As an overall package, i’d say I’m a 7/10.
Breakup #1: let’s call her SR
Duration: 8 months
Relationship type: Long Distance.
Reason: I was 15yrs old, Her male bestie was in love with her, and basically ratted us out to my Ex’s mother. Lots of drama later, she broke up with me. (Not my fault, reason is we got caught. everything was going great till this incident)
Breakup #2: Let’s call her SS,
Duration: 11 months on and off.
Rln Type: Long Distance.
Reason: I was 18yrs old, She was too possessive. Eg: She went through my fb chats, and made me unfriend each and every girl in my friend list. Basically made my social life nonexistent, during my 1st and 2nd year of bachelors. So, I slowly stared hiding things from her. I was dealing with mental health issues, I hid this and some other important stuff that was going on with me. Eventually she found out, we had a huge fight. We made up and tried again, I changed my behaviour, but I had to breakup after couple of months, coz, she couldn’t change her possessiveness.
Breakup #3: let’s call het R.
Duration: on and off 8 months.
Rln type: Situationship.
Reason: I was 20yrs old, She was 24yrs old. We got close under bizzare circumstances. Long story short, She was quite clear on us being casual from beginning. But I eventually caught feelings and she didn’t reciprocate. Honestly her situation was very bizarre, So, She couldn’t reciprocate. I didn’t want to face a bad heartbreak, which would have happened, if we continued. So I had to end things with her.
Breakup #4: Let’s call her A.
Duration: 8 months
Rln type: LDR
Reason: I was 22yrs old. Met her in a friend’s house party. Started of as casual rln. I was quite clear with her I would get into a relationship only if we are in same city. She said she will to move to Bangalore, So we gave it a shot. But even after 3 months she couldn’t move. Both of us were fresh out of college & were quite serious about careers back then. I was working in an IT startup and she was an MBA in consulting. My insane working hours and her schedule didn’t matchup. We barely talked for days. when we did talk, we just fought. She felt like she’s making appointments to have conversations with me. when we talk, it eventually led to fights. I felt like talking to her became a chore rather than something I looked forward to. Our fights were never ending and it was affecting my work and So, I decided to end it.
Breakup #5: Let’s call her SP
Duration: 8 months
Rln type: Situationship
Reason: I was 23y, she was 22y, met her 2 months after the last breakup, we were office colleagues. Started off as something casual, This is the first time in my life I felt like I had a consistent rln, I met her almost everyday, spent hours talking to each other, going on dates regularly. I have never been a possessive type. But the way she handled her ex’s made me feel like shit. It was getting on my nerves. I was getting toxic and she was too. We used to have regular fights about silliest reasons. But after 6 months I knew that there’s no future here. One fine day we fought regarding income tax. Yeah fucking income tax. At this point, If I had put in some efforts I would have saved the relationship. But honestly I was tired and gave up. I asked her to let’s just stay as friends. she agreed.
Right after this breakup, within 2 months covid happened. So basically no social life. I was talking to couple of girls, but I never took the next step because, I didn’t want a long distance rln. Covid and wfh basically ruined my social life. I didn’t meet any new friends. So I didn’t date anyone for quite a while. But I was happy tbh. Wfh continued because, I shifted to a completely remote job (freelance). Move to hyd because i had lot of college friends here.
Breakup #6: It was with A again.
Duration: 6 months
Type: LDR, but both of us travelled to each other’s cities very often.
Reason: both of us are 27 yrs old, We met in a friend’s wedding again after almost 4 years of no contact. We started talking again, eventually led to relationship. Now both us were quite adamant about taking things seriously. I was in hyd and she was in blr. We both met twice every month. We agreed we will do live in first and then see where it goes. I agreed to move to blr, coz I was doing wfh. But, with in 3 months into it, her parents pressured her to get married. I told her I need atleast 2 yrs to get married. but, I asked her to tell them about me & we will see how they react. She said she can’t unless I gave her a commitment. If her parents agreed we could get engaged and then married after year or 2. She didn’t communicate with her parents contemplating what if we breakup after engagement, etc. i felt stuck and asked to make up her mind. She basically took the 3rd option and left abroad, instead of dealing with her parents or me. I got mad, because she could have taken a stance with her parents just as easily staying in India. She asked me for LDR. i said no. So that ended as quickly as it started.
So, I have been single for 6 months now. I have started using dating apps. Went on few dates. But I don’t why, I was uninterested after 1 or 2 dates. Ended up ghosting some of them, Few ghosted me. Dating apps felt unnatural to me. I felt like I was going way out of my to have a relationship. Or maybe I had it lucky so far. I have stopped using the apps now. I was thinking back and felt like my dating life has been a series of unfortunate events.
I know I had commitment issues before. But now, it doesn’t seem like that’s a problem. I’m self aware, I’m not toxic. Maybe I move on too quickly (isn’t it a good thing) or give up too quickly? I do think long and hard before deciding to end things. So idk.
So, Apart from attributing my failed relationships to bad luck. I don’t know if there is an underlying problem. If there is, I don’t see it. Now, I’m thinking twice before approaching a girl. I don’t want to spend my social battery on another person just end up going nowhere.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Tldr: my love life has been a series of unfortunate events. Read the full text if you do have time. Basically, all the break ups had a different reason. And I don’t know why I can’t keep a relationship for more than a year.
Ps: Most of my breakups happened around December or January. My friends joke about this saying, you just want to save money for valentines. It’s a running joke now. if I start talking to another girl. They bring up January as an end date. They started joking about betting on how long it would last the next girl I meet.
2024.05.21 12:34 tornikekv Real country that Sordland is based on
After playing I grew opinion that Sordland is most similar to Georgia and I will explain why.
(It's just a speculation and theory)
Sordland: Wisci (first president of Sordland) wrote a constitution which tried to establish the institutions necessary for a democratic republic. Soon, Wisci's government became the victim of a military coup led by the nationalist general, Eduard Luderin. Luderin instituted a reign of terror that crushed dissent against his government. The Sordish Civil War erupted.
Georgia: Gamsakhurdia’s (who was also the first president) government also try to wrote constitution and to form government, but it failed because of Nationalist military coup led by Jaba Ioseliani. which started the times of Anarchy and civil war with trumvirate government ruled by Jaba Ioseliani, Tengiz Sigua and Tengiz Kitovani.
Sordland: The civil war ended after Colonel Tarquin Soll intervened, which resulted in Luderin's capture and Rikard's death. Soll restored the republic with himself as president and established the United Sordland Party, which served as the governing party of Sordland. Under Soll's leadership, the young republic experienced stability and growth and protection from foreign influence, which solidified the country's position.
Georgia: Civil war ended after Eduard Shevardnadze intervened, which also funny enough resulted in capture of Tengiz Sigua, Tengiz Kitovani and Jaba Ioseliani’s death. Shevardnadzes finally formed government and established constitution and Presidency. Shevardadzes rule was characterised of ending anarchy, stability, growth and also establishing protective measures against any foreign powers.
Sordland: Unfortunately over time, Soll grew increasingly authoritarian, which brought the country into stagnation and increased political and racial tensions. Tarquin Soll was eventually succeeded by Ewald Alphonso, a reformist within the USP who promised to bring reform to the country. Unfortunately, a combination of infighting, a hasty liberalization of the economy and continental economic tensions led to a recession and the empowerment of various oligarchs.
Georgia: As expected Shevardnadze was practicly a authoritarian dictator with infinite power because of broken Constitution that established Absolute presidency. He was succeded by Mikheil Saakashvili who was also part of Shevardnadzes party and was known reformer. His reforms was charaterised as pro-free market and excesive privatization, which led to reccession, uneployment and problem with oligarchs, but it was hard because of as said in Suzerain “hasty liberalization of the economy and continental economic tensions” which perfectly explains it.
I believe simillarities end there because there is no corrolations between Anton and party that succeded the Saakashvili.
In north there is Rumburg which is identical to Russia. both imperialist country that is characterised by agression. Sordland can have war with Rumburg, as well as Georgia had one with Russia.
Sordland and Agnolia are friends and Agnolia is clearly Netherlands. Georgia has strong relationship with netherlands (probably best in Europe).
Wehlen can be Azerbaijan. They are simillar because of Authoritarian President and Oil.
Georgia: There sadly was a Autonomous region of Abkhazia which was also seccesionist and is probably exactly is like bergia. Abkhazian separatists were suplied with AK by guess who… Russia.
Ewald and Mikheil
I don't know if this kinda story repeats in every country in reccession but it definetly happend in Georgia.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes and thank you if you for read it and for learning a little more about my country.
submitted by tornikekv to suzerain [link] [comments]
(It's just a speculation and theory)
History parallels
I will start with direct parallers.Sordland: Wisci (first president of Sordland) wrote a constitution which tried to establish the institutions necessary for a democratic republic. Soon, Wisci's government became the victim of a military coup led by the nationalist general, Eduard Luderin. Luderin instituted a reign of terror that crushed dissent against his government. The Sordish Civil War erupted.
Georgia: Gamsakhurdia’s (who was also the first president) government also try to wrote constitution and to form government, but it failed because of Nationalist military coup led by Jaba Ioseliani. which started the times of Anarchy and civil war with trumvirate government ruled by Jaba Ioseliani, Tengiz Sigua and Tengiz Kitovani.
Sordland: The civil war ended after Colonel Tarquin Soll intervened, which resulted in Luderin's capture and Rikard's death. Soll restored the republic with himself as president and established the United Sordland Party, which served as the governing party of Sordland. Under Soll's leadership, the young republic experienced stability and growth and protection from foreign influence, which solidified the country's position.
Georgia: Civil war ended after Eduard Shevardnadze intervened, which also funny enough resulted in capture of Tengiz Sigua, Tengiz Kitovani and Jaba Ioseliani’s death. Shevardnadzes finally formed government and established constitution and Presidency. Shevardadzes rule was characterised of ending anarchy, stability, growth and also establishing protective measures against any foreign powers.
Sordland: Unfortunately over time, Soll grew increasingly authoritarian, which brought the country into stagnation and increased political and racial tensions. Tarquin Soll was eventually succeeded by Ewald Alphonso, a reformist within the USP who promised to bring reform to the country. Unfortunately, a combination of infighting, a hasty liberalization of the economy and continental economic tensions led to a recession and the empowerment of various oligarchs.
Georgia: As expected Shevardnadze was practicly a authoritarian dictator with infinite power because of broken Constitution that established Absolute presidency. He was succeded by Mikheil Saakashvili who was also part of Shevardnadzes party and was known reformer. His reforms was charaterised as pro-free market and excesive privatization, which led to reccession, uneployment and problem with oligarchs, but it was hard because of as said in Suzerain “hasty liberalization of the economy and continental economic tensions” which perfectly explains it.
I believe simillarities end there because there is no corrolations between Anton and party that succeded the Saakashvili.
Geopolitics
Sordland is between two superpowers of Arcasia and United Contana. This is pretty easy to see as Georgia is also between influence of Capitalist USA and Communist China. Georgia is friendly to both and is experiencing benefits from both of them.In north there is Rumburg which is identical to Russia. both imperialist country that is characterised by agression. Sordland can have war with Rumburg, as well as Georgia had one with Russia.
Sordland and Agnolia are friends and Agnolia is clearly Netherlands. Georgia has strong relationship with netherlands (probably best in Europe).
Wehlen can be Azerbaijan. They are simillar because of Authoritarian President and Oil.
Separatist Region
Sordland: There is Special zone of Bergia within the Sordland that is problematic Region because of it’s Seccesionist tendencies. Bludish separatis are suplied with AK’s by Rumburg.Georgia: There sadly was a Autonomous region of Abkhazia which was also seccesionist and is probably exactly is like bergia. Abkhazian separatists were suplied with AK by guess who… Russia.
Characters
Wisci and Gamsakhurdia
- Both first presidents.
- both were authors and wrote poems.
- Famous father and son.
- Came with Revolution (definetly with a blast).
- was couped.
- had tragic and undeserving death.
Tarquil Soll and Eduard Shevardnadzee
- both were experienced statesman.
- ended anarchy and stabilized country.
- Saviours of Government at first, but Authoritarians at the end.
- Protectionist politics.
- Created Constitution.
- the way game describes vibe of soll is same as Shevardnadze (Abstract I know but both had same presence in room trust me).
- Was ousted by Inexperienced Reformist.
- Have not been seen after resignation and were isolated.
- had protection status (somethin like member of honour).
- had immense power and infuence even after resignation.
Ewald Alphonso and Mikheil Saakashvili
- Both were Reformist within Party (Ewald in USP and Saakashvili in UCG (Union of Citizens of Georgia).
- Implimented Free-market reforms.
- Privatization and Tax cuts.
- Pro-wester capitalists
- Radical reforms that hindered public opinion.
- Ties to Businessmans.
- Constantly in a battle against Old Guard.
- Tried to hurt authoritarian nature of previous leader.
Ewald and Mikheil
Conclusion
This is my opinion and even though I tried to base it on as much facts as I can it is just a speculation. Because I dont know much about modern Turkey I can’t say much about their similarities.I don't know if this kinda story repeats in every country in reccession but it definetly happend in Georgia.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes and thank you if you for read it and for learning a little more about my country.
2024.05.21 11:57 Music_Man31 I’m in love with a coworker, but I need to let her go.
So this time last year (May ‘23) I went to see HR regarding a hiring committee I was a part of and the favoritism they showed a candidate. The Director of HR, granted she was the only HR employee at the time, is this beautiful African American woman with big, bright eyes and a gorgeous smile. We talked about my committee and then we just talked about life. She was going through hard times. We ended up becoming fast friends. I would go and check up on her.
Fast forward to August, I went to go see her again. Just dropped in as a quick hello and was reminded how beautiful she was. The next week I saw her. She stopped by where I was standing in line for food and touched my shoulder, finger to skin, and I literally felt a spark go through me. She just stopped to say hi. I think that was the moment I couldn’t stop thinking about her. From that moment forward I started to go to her office once a week. We had great conversation. I was learning more about her. We had astrology in common. We learned about each other’s families. We both were having problems as she was on the edge of divorce. My love life at the time was nonexistent with my wife and crumbling. However I started to enjoy her company way more than expected.
Because of our interest in astrology I knew her birthday was coming up in October. I decided to buy her a birthday card with a gift card for a restaurant. Before I got out of the car I said to myself ‘I think I’m in love with her’. That’s when I knew I was in trouble. I had began to write poems about her (which seem to be therapeutic) and having non stop thoughts of her. Mind you I’m still going to her office once a week. I gave her the card. We are still talking. She’s still going through shit with her husband. I’m talking about her to select coworkers. I offered to buy her lunch, another way to spend time with her. Well turns out she had a meeting with our CEO and we would have had less than 10 minutes. I was devastated. Like seriously heartbroken. Thus began my limerence. I still went to see her every chance I got. Probably too much. She never told me to not come and see her. In fact it became ‘You should come by more often’. I did.
A conference that both of us and several other employees attended happened in late November to December. We were very connected at the hip. She flashed me her room number without saying a word. I chose not to go. Literally the week before during Thanksgiving two things happened. 1) I ran into a psychic who gave me a reading and told me not to sleep with her. 2) My wife and I had a devastating argument about the state of our marriage. It had went to shit when we started therapy. Skipping the fact that I didn’t go up that night we had a great time together. We spent an incredible amount of time together. It was fun. I felt incredibly refreshed having spent time with her. The one downside to the entire trip was that she told me she was reconciling with her husband.
I asked her out twice for a meal in December. She never gave a direct no, but created excuses. January came and she got sick. I texted her a lot checking in on her. When she came back I asked her if I texted her too much. She said yes. I completely stopped. I think my poetry ramped up more because of that. She also reminded me she was trying to reconcile with her husband. In the same breath she asked me how I was doing as I was newly separated. It became emotional.
The next event per se happened in February. After Valentine’s Day I went to see her. I asked how things were going with her and her husband. She said they went well. I had started talking with people on dating apps. I mentioned this to her and she seemed a bit bothered. I was surprised. Somehow my wife came into conversation and I told her that I talk to her more than my wife. She blushed! Despite having good moments with her I was heartbroken that her and her husband were doing well.
I didn’t go see her for two weeks. There was a function midday. She waved at me and I was excited to see her. When I started to walk towards her she turned around and ignored me. This hurt me severely as I have trauma from people ignoring me. I stopped going to see her again. She texts me for my birthday, granted it was a week late, but I was excited. This was the first time we had a text conversation in over two months. She mentioned that she had to take medical leave. Needless to say I was devastated. I went to see her and she was very sad. She started telling me about her family life as a child, but we were interrupted.
While she was out, a coworker started a meal train account for her so she wouldn’t have to cook. There was an area where you could buy DoorDash gift cards. I bought $200 worth and also sent $300 in visa gift cards via a coworker who would see her.
When she comes back to work she tries to give one of the gift cards back. I told her I wouldn’t accept it back.
I’m very in love (or limerence/infatuated) with her. I’ve tried dating other people, but that doesn’t help as I end up talking about her when asked is there someone else.
I want to ask her what her thoughts are about me, but I’m horrified that she thinks I’m a creep.
submitted by Music_Man31 to confessions [link] [comments]
Fast forward to August, I went to go see her again. Just dropped in as a quick hello and was reminded how beautiful she was. The next week I saw her. She stopped by where I was standing in line for food and touched my shoulder, finger to skin, and I literally felt a spark go through me. She just stopped to say hi. I think that was the moment I couldn’t stop thinking about her. From that moment forward I started to go to her office once a week. We had great conversation. I was learning more about her. We had astrology in common. We learned about each other’s families. We both were having problems as she was on the edge of divorce. My love life at the time was nonexistent with my wife and crumbling. However I started to enjoy her company way more than expected.
Because of our interest in astrology I knew her birthday was coming up in October. I decided to buy her a birthday card with a gift card for a restaurant. Before I got out of the car I said to myself ‘I think I’m in love with her’. That’s when I knew I was in trouble. I had began to write poems about her (which seem to be therapeutic) and having non stop thoughts of her. Mind you I’m still going to her office once a week. I gave her the card. We are still talking. She’s still going through shit with her husband. I’m talking about her to select coworkers. I offered to buy her lunch, another way to spend time with her. Well turns out she had a meeting with our CEO and we would have had less than 10 minutes. I was devastated. Like seriously heartbroken. Thus began my limerence. I still went to see her every chance I got. Probably too much. She never told me to not come and see her. In fact it became ‘You should come by more often’. I did.
A conference that both of us and several other employees attended happened in late November to December. We were very connected at the hip. She flashed me her room number without saying a word. I chose not to go. Literally the week before during Thanksgiving two things happened. 1) I ran into a psychic who gave me a reading and told me not to sleep with her. 2) My wife and I had a devastating argument about the state of our marriage. It had went to shit when we started therapy. Skipping the fact that I didn’t go up that night we had a great time together. We spent an incredible amount of time together. It was fun. I felt incredibly refreshed having spent time with her. The one downside to the entire trip was that she told me she was reconciling with her husband.
I asked her out twice for a meal in December. She never gave a direct no, but created excuses. January came and she got sick. I texted her a lot checking in on her. When she came back I asked her if I texted her too much. She said yes. I completely stopped. I think my poetry ramped up more because of that. She also reminded me she was trying to reconcile with her husband. In the same breath she asked me how I was doing as I was newly separated. It became emotional.
The next event per se happened in February. After Valentine’s Day I went to see her. I asked how things were going with her and her husband. She said they went well. I had started talking with people on dating apps. I mentioned this to her and she seemed a bit bothered. I was surprised. Somehow my wife came into conversation and I told her that I talk to her more than my wife. She blushed! Despite having good moments with her I was heartbroken that her and her husband were doing well.
I didn’t go see her for two weeks. There was a function midday. She waved at me and I was excited to see her. When I started to walk towards her she turned around and ignored me. This hurt me severely as I have trauma from people ignoring me. I stopped going to see her again. She texts me for my birthday, granted it was a week late, but I was excited. This was the first time we had a text conversation in over two months. She mentioned that she had to take medical leave. Needless to say I was devastated. I went to see her and she was very sad. She started telling me about her family life as a child, but we were interrupted.
While she was out, a coworker started a meal train account for her so she wouldn’t have to cook. There was an area where you could buy DoorDash gift cards. I bought $200 worth and also sent $300 in visa gift cards via a coworker who would see her.
When she comes back to work she tries to give one of the gift cards back. I told her I wouldn’t accept it back.
I’m very in love (or limerence/infatuated) with her. I’ve tried dating other people, but that doesn’t help as I end up talking about her when asked is there someone else.
I want to ask her what her thoughts are about me, but I’m horrified that she thinks I’m a creep.
2024.05.20 14:32 Moonbeam0773 Another article on Kouri’s lover, including statement he’s been granted immunity by prosecutors
 | Moscow Mule 'killer' Kouri Richins's handyman lover unmasked submitted by Moonbeam0773 to KouriRichins [link] [comments] By Shawn Cohen In Park City, Utah, For Dailymail.Com at 5:36 PM UTC on 17 May 2024 Moscow Mule 'killer' Kouri Richins's handyman lover unmasked In a new court filing seen by DailyMail.com, prosecutors revealed Kouri Richins, 34, was having an affair with handyman Robert Grossmann, 41 The romance began before her husband Eric Richins's March 2022 death and continued for months after, until Kouri evicted Grossmann from her property Grossmann wound up homeless, living out of a black Ford F150 pickup truck in Layton, Utah, and has had several run-ins with the law since Accused Moscow Mule killer Kouri Richins allegedly wanted her husband dead so she could move on with a man who later ended up homeless on the streets of a Utah mountain town, DailyMail.com can reveal. The 34-year-old married mom-of-three fell for handyman Robert Grossmann, 41, after he was hired to work on homes she was renovating, court papers show. 'If I was divorced right now and ask you to marry me tomorrow, you would?' Richins texted her lover in February 2022, just weeks before she allegedly poisoned her husband Eric, according to court documents filed this week by the prosecution. 'I just want to lay on the couch and cuddle you. Watch a murder documentary and snuggle!' Two weeks later, she texted Grossmann: 'Life is going to be different I promise', adding: 'I hate your hard days. I wish I could be there to turn them around for you. Can I try Friday? Give me a few days? Hang in there until then please?' Then on March 3, the night she allegedly poisoned her husband, she texted her boyfriend a photo of two people kissing that was captioned, 'love you.' Richins, who wrote a book on helping children cope with grief after her husband's death in 2022, has since been charged with his murder. She allegedly slipped a lethal dose of fentanyl into Eric's Moscow Mule – a vodka-based cocktail – at their home in Kamas, Utah. The prosecution didn't name the person they described as her 'paramour' in this week's court filing. But DailyMail.com obtained an earlier, unredacted court document that named the lover and provided additional details about their relationship. The document, a search warrant affidavit that authorities used to seize Grossman's cell phones in May 2023, show that their forbidden love ended eight months after Eric's death, when Kouri, who owned a real estate company, evicted Grossmann from one of her condos. The handyman wound up homeless, living out of a black Ford F150 pickup truck in Layton, Utah. He claimed Kouri had given him the vehicle, DailyMail.com has learned. Grossmann has since had several run-ins with police, including an arrest for trespassing, and for theft of a $14,000 trailer and a scissor lift he rented from Home Depot in Salt Lake but failed to return, according to police and court records reviewed by DailyMail.com. In February 2023, police in Layton, Utah found Grossmann sleeping in the truck on the side of a residential street, with the engine running. They found a case of beer with several open cans and cited him for having an open container, Layton Police told DailyMail.com. He was arrested for trespassing elsewhere in town two days later. Detectives in the murder case learned about Grossmann's relationship with Kouri through interviews with family and friends. Digging into the Layton incident, detectives reviewed police dashcam footage in which Grossmann can be heard saying that the F150 belonged to Kouri Richins, whom he identified as his 'girlfriend'. They cited this exchange in the affidavit, which stated that Grossmann had several phones they wanted to search, including at least two given to him by Kouri, which they used to communicate around the time of her husband's death. Grossmann, in recorded interviews, acknowledged that he was more than just Kouri's handyman. 'He was an extramarital sexual partner of Kouri prior to and after the death of her husband,' the affidavit states. The relationship, however, did not end well. Grossmann told detectives that Kouri had kicked him out of her condo in Saratoga Springs, Utah, in November 2022 and that he had been homeless ever since. Sources close to Kouri claim she evicted him because he was allegedly using meth. During a hearing on Wednesday, prosecutors in Summit County began to outline their case to show 'probable cause' that Kouri committed the murder. They said that her lover would be an important part of their case because they demonstrate a motive for murder. He has been given 'immunity', they noted. The court papers filed earlier in the week show Kouri's relationship with Grossmann heating up in the months leading up to her husband's death. Eric owned a successful masonry business. 'The defendant wished to leave Eric Richins for her paramour but believed that divorce would be financially difficult and could result in losing custody of their children,' the papers state. On December 7, 2021, two days before her boyfriend's birthday, Kouri booked the two of them a five-night romantic getaway to the Secrets Resort and Spa on the Caribbean island of St. Martin. The $4,211 trip was scheduled for that April – the month after Eric died. Ten days later, while wrapping Christmas gifts with a friend, she spoke about wanting a divorce, saying 'she felt trapped and stuck in the marriage and didn't see a way out. 'The defendant said in many ways it would be better if Eric Richins was dead,' according to the filling. The following day, Kouri allegedly texted Grossmann: 'I'm in love with a man that's not my husband' and 'I want to but I can't break up my family. It's having your cake and eating it too. I do just want to love you. I do love you.' 'I thought you were getting a divorce,' he allegedly replied. In early January 2022, Kouri consulted with a divorce lawyer, but left disappointed that she might be entitled to only half of their assets, the papers allege. 'The defendant didn't want half of everything,' the prosecution argued. 'Rather, she wanted all of everything. Accordingly, she determined to cause Eric Richins' death.' Around that time, she began inquiring about illicit drugs, texting Grossmann, 'Random question… Have you ever done anything besides smoke weed?' She told him she was watching the Hulu series Dopesick that same night about America's struggle with opioids. Later that month, Kouri applied for a $100,000 life insurance claim on Eric, which became effective 10 days before her first alleged attempt to kill him – on Valentine's Day 2022, the papers state. Prosecutors say Eric found out that his wife had also taken out a $250,000 home equity line of credit and spent it, withdrawn $100,000 from his bank accounts, and spent more than $30,000 on his credit cards. Kouri also stole about $134,000 from her husband's business meant for tax payments, according to the documents. Court records state that she agreed to repay her husband back when he confronted her about the missing money. Prosecutors alleged that Kouri purchased four different life insurance policies, which totaled over $1.9million between 2015 and 2017. In the latest legal fillings, it was revealed that Kouri had a negative bank account balance, owned lenders more than $1.8million and was being sued by a creditor. Authorities say that a former housekeeper, Carmen Lauber, hooked Kouri up with the fentanyl. Then on February 14, 2022, she slipped it into a sandwich she bought him at a diner in their hometown Kamas. She left the food with a note on the seat of Eric's truck for him to eat at lunch, the prosecution alleges. Eric felt so sick that he drank a bottle of Benadryl, self-administered his son's EpiPen, and went completely dark. But Kouri had left town to spend Valentine's Day with her lover, telling him she was out of town 'waiting for my cabinet installer guy,' according to the court papers. That afternoon, Eric texted a close friend: 'I think I almost died… I think my wife tried to poison me.' But Kouri, who is currently being held in Summit County jail in Park City pushed ahead with her plan, prosecutors allege. On February 19, the papers allege, she texted Grossmann: 'I want you today, everyday. Not just sexually, but physically, mentally, everyday when I wake up I do want a future together. I do want you. Figure life out together. If he could just go away and you could just be here! Life would be so perfect!!!! I love you….' 'Uhhh.. I have a crazy dream!' she continued on February 13. 'You quit your job. I divorce and come up with millions and millions. We buy midway and live in the guest house and rent out the huge house as a big event center!' She added that the center would be 'our daily job! And hang out every day? Raise some kids.. have a little farm? Deal?' Midway was an unfinished mansion Kouri had been planning to buy with her husband. Eric Richins died March 4. The following day, Kouri closed on the $3.26million property. Between March 6 and Eric's funeral on March 11, Kouri texted Grossmann 'love you' five times. They then met up in the mountains, parked in her vehicle and spoke for the first time since Eric's death. She asked whether he'd killed anyone while serving in the military in Iraq. He replied yes, prompting the defendant to ask how it felt, the papers state. Kouri texted him a link to the Secrets Resort on March 20, writing, 'Are we there yet? … Can't wait!!!' On April 9, she texted him, 'I think I want you to be my husband one day.' Kouri self-published her children's book about grief, 'Are You With Me?' on March 7, 2023. The following day, she was arrested for aggravated murder. The preliminary hearing for her trial, which was due to begin this week, has been postponed to June. Grossmann, for his part, was most recently arrested on January 20 of this year in Payson, Utah, after he allegedly spent more than an hour in a 7/11 bathroom and refused to come out. He left only after police threatened to force him out, then was discovered to be driving the truck without registration and with plates from another vehicle. He initially refused to identify himself, only giving his name after spending eight hours in jail. He was charged with multiple misdemeanors, but received a $690 fine, a 30-day suspended sentence and a year probation, records show. Grossmann could not be reached for comment. His lawyer in the Payson case did not immediately respond, while his lawyer in the Salt Lake case declined to comment |
2024.05.20 08:27 KingRodGod Tales from MY game shop. Plz read this ReddX!
I have owned a game shop for 10 years now. I see neck beard types. I see leg beard types. I see incels. The whole rainbow of cringe is often in my very shop. They play their games. Stink up the joint. Above all else though they got on my ever loving nerves I swear.
I bought the shop back in 2013ish after my grandfather died. He left me some decent money, which is about all the good he ever did. Cranky old man stuck around far too long and was a drain on myself. My parents saddled me with caring for him. My only escape from that bitter old man was the game shop. I would go and play war games and yugioh. Around 2011 I was banned from the store for chronically selling yugioh cards in the shop. Something the crotchety land whale that owned the shop did not like. So he banned me. When my grandfather finally died he afforded me the opportunity to lift my ban by purchasing the shop at a high markup. I may have overpaid, but it was worth it to get back my home away from home and to ban that landwhale from his own shop.
Once I took over. I learnt that I wouldn’t be able to participate in games as much unless I wanted to hire employees. Which I did not. I don’t really understand the taxes and had no interest in paying extra to employ people. So I basically ran it all myself for a damn long time. It was fun at first. But I realized I actually hated my customers. I hated games. I hated these goblins that occupied my shop for events and game nights. That’s how you make money though. Stupid events for stupid little neckbeards.
So I am gonna tell you about some choice individuals. I like to call them The Party. Four human shaped food holes that were far too loud. When I was young, back in the 80’s dungeons and dragons wasn’t fun. It was a game to be won. I dont know what happened. Maybe it was all them critical role streamers that ruined it. At some point neck beards gravitated to dungeons and dragons as a form of fun. As a way to make jokes. They basically ruined the game. I hate that they ruined a great war game and turned it into nothing but jokes. Us older nerds get not a drop of respect as these youngins trample over our great games.
The party consisted of two manlet weirdos. Dressed in what looked to be homemade wizard robes. A tall thin man dressed in an outfit that would be seen on frank sinatra. And the loudest legbeard landwhale I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. They would come in on open play nights and occupy the back room where the warhammer gamers played. Their volume was completely unacceptable. I had asked them politely several times to keep it down. I had received several complaints from the warhammer players as well. It was not uncommon for the war gamers and The Party to start arguing. Which was always a sight to behold. 90 percent of the time I didn’t intervene hoping one of The Party might get their teeth knocked out. It never got to that point. Despite all the wishing in my heart.
Still I tolerated them for the most part. They bought plenty of snacks. Overpriced soda cans and over priced chips are good money in this line of business. Cleaning up after them was a pain. Cheeto smeared tables and chairs are not fun to clean. I remember once asking them to clean up after themselves. They just stared at me with blank dead fish eyes before talking about the hot dog man. The hotdog man being some sort of inside joke. They found it hilarious. It was some recurring npc in their campaigns that did “wacky” hijinks or something. They tried to explain it to anyone who would listen. Anytime someone else would laugh at their stupid joke I wanted to just close up shop.
Then I started fucking with them. I’d shake up cans of soda they bought. I’d “accidentally” bump into their table while moving inventory. This would cause their set up and dice to spill all over. I’d sell them microwaved dice sets “at a discount” and laugh with joy as they consistently rolled nat 1’s. I actually had quite a bit of fun coming up with new ways to inconvenience them. Damaging their favorite table, replacing the chairs at that table with uneven ones. One time I spilled a cup of hot chocolate on the one dressed like frank sinatra.
They eventually started blaming their new streak of misfortune on the hotdog man. That fucking stupid inside joke about the hotdog man had grown to encompass their real life misfortune. These beardy fucks had completely disassociated from reality apparently. It wasn’t long after this began in the shop that it spread. Any little thing that went wrong in the shop others started blaming on the hot dog man! Bad game of yugioh…hot dog man. Shit your pants? HOT DOG MAN! Dog got hit by a car! HOT DOG MAN! It permeated and spread because these little beards never shut up about their stupid inside joke.
I could not tolerate it any longer. As a game shop owner I am the god of these halls and I would not take this beardery. NAY! I didn’t clean my grandads colostomy bag for 8 years to have my castle ruined by the fucking HOT DOG MAN! No these nerds hard to go. I had to hatch a scheme to get them out of the shop.
It was actually relatively easy to come up with a scheme. I knew the fat leg beard was dating the tall “well dressed” kid. But, I also knew she was a bit of a cheater. They had many arguments about her cheating on him. Why such a beast would be able to get so many men interested in her I have no idea. But i knew she had her eyes on one of the seedier warhammer players in the store. He wasn’t a good guy, actually a bit of an alcoholic who hung around because this was all he had left. So I struck a deal, I offered him a hefty amount of figurines for his army in return for “seducing” the land whale. A task he was actually excited about.
Over the next couple weeks I watched as the alcoholic man inserted himself into The Party. I watched as he got closer to the girl, I saw the “well dressed” beard grow more and more insecure. Going outside in a huff more often. The leg beard and her boyfriend arguing loudly in front of the store a few times.Then on the third week during an open play night only the land whale leg beard appeared, crying as she clung to the alcoholic war gamer and complained about her boyfriend. The crying was only slightly less annoying than hearing about the hotdog man. I tried to tune it out by doing some stocking of new inventory for the upcoming yugioh release. I eventually noticed a distinct lack of belly aching. I looked over to the side room, and saw that the alcoholic and legbeard were actively making out on a table. Disgusted I made sure the cameras were recording in the side room.
The world was at peace again. The Party would soon be destroyed thanks to some well deployed miniatures in the right desperate losers hands. Simple as can be. Soon my store would be free of the hot dog man plague. This is why you should never mess with a wealthy man we are wealthy because we are wise. My store is one of the best in this town and it is because of my wisdom. No one else can compete with me because I am too good to be doing this.
As I stocked the cabinet with new singles I had recently bought from someone clearly desperate for drug money I found myself very pleased with myself. I sang as I organized my new acquisitions. Then sneaking a peak at the camera I noticed a distinct absence of the obese legbeard and the war gaming alcoholic. I tried to locate them by walking back there, only to hear the sounds of unholy degenerate acts in the bathroom. I found myself amazed by their lack of shame and more so how easy the land whale was. I guess it’s true what they say “fat chicks will do anything”. I contemplated breaking it up. Then I thought it might be really funny if she got pregnant and the frank sinatra wannabe had to raise a cuck baby. So I allowed it to continue. They left together sometime later.
I went ahead and did a little facebook stalking, as frank sinatra and the land whale were both on on my stores facebook page. Two days later they were broken up and the land whale was dating and apparently living with the alcoholic wargamer. Now I still have to deal with her, but the rest of The Party is distinctly absent.
I posted the video from the security cameras on the facebook page on valentines day that year and tagged the frank sinatra wannabe, deleting it after he left some angry comment under it. Just one more jab at his stupid broken heart. That’s what he deserves for being a cringe neckbeard with his stupid inside jokes.
Now the legbeard and alcoholic play wargames on open play nights at the shop and she’s much quieter. The legacy of the hotdog man died shortly after. I do now have to occasionally observe as the land whale and alcoholic wargamer swap spit on a table. I’ve had to make a sign for the bathroom door that say “please do not fuck in here” and when that didn’t work yell at the both of them. Saying something along the lines of “THIS IS NOT A MOTEL!” but even with that inconvenience, it is still preferable to those beards and their stupid inside joke. I will take cringe bathroom sex over the hot dog man any day.
I am just happy that I met my wife in Mexico. If you have money and a passport, get yourself a Mexican wife. They are much less insane than your average american woman. Also they are very grateful to be here. So that pays dividends in the end. Plus you have someone who can talk to the repair men in their native language around here. Wish I would have known she was infertile beforehand. On the brightside though no condoms. So its not all bad. There are no any beards in Mexico my friends.
If you read this ReddX thanks I’ve been a big fan of the channel for a long time and have wanted to write a story. I just haven’t had the time as I am a very busy and important man. But I can tell we’re like kindred souls. You’re gonna love reading all my installments because were bouth great men of substance and the world. It is time I aired out all these beards. So you’re welcome for contributing to your collection of stories. I truly am a generous king.
Your Best Friend
KingRodGod
submitted by KingRodGod to ReddXReads [link] [comments]
I bought the shop back in 2013ish after my grandfather died. He left me some decent money, which is about all the good he ever did. Cranky old man stuck around far too long and was a drain on myself. My parents saddled me with caring for him. My only escape from that bitter old man was the game shop. I would go and play war games and yugioh. Around 2011 I was banned from the store for chronically selling yugioh cards in the shop. Something the crotchety land whale that owned the shop did not like. So he banned me. When my grandfather finally died he afforded me the opportunity to lift my ban by purchasing the shop at a high markup. I may have overpaid, but it was worth it to get back my home away from home and to ban that landwhale from his own shop.
Once I took over. I learnt that I wouldn’t be able to participate in games as much unless I wanted to hire employees. Which I did not. I don’t really understand the taxes and had no interest in paying extra to employ people. So I basically ran it all myself for a damn long time. It was fun at first. But I realized I actually hated my customers. I hated games. I hated these goblins that occupied my shop for events and game nights. That’s how you make money though. Stupid events for stupid little neckbeards.
So I am gonna tell you about some choice individuals. I like to call them The Party. Four human shaped food holes that were far too loud. When I was young, back in the 80’s dungeons and dragons wasn’t fun. It was a game to be won. I dont know what happened. Maybe it was all them critical role streamers that ruined it. At some point neck beards gravitated to dungeons and dragons as a form of fun. As a way to make jokes. They basically ruined the game. I hate that they ruined a great war game and turned it into nothing but jokes. Us older nerds get not a drop of respect as these youngins trample over our great games.
The party consisted of two manlet weirdos. Dressed in what looked to be homemade wizard robes. A tall thin man dressed in an outfit that would be seen on frank sinatra. And the loudest legbeard landwhale I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. They would come in on open play nights and occupy the back room where the warhammer gamers played. Their volume was completely unacceptable. I had asked them politely several times to keep it down. I had received several complaints from the warhammer players as well. It was not uncommon for the war gamers and The Party to start arguing. Which was always a sight to behold. 90 percent of the time I didn’t intervene hoping one of The Party might get their teeth knocked out. It never got to that point. Despite all the wishing in my heart.
Still I tolerated them for the most part. They bought plenty of snacks. Overpriced soda cans and over priced chips are good money in this line of business. Cleaning up after them was a pain. Cheeto smeared tables and chairs are not fun to clean. I remember once asking them to clean up after themselves. They just stared at me with blank dead fish eyes before talking about the hot dog man. The hotdog man being some sort of inside joke. They found it hilarious. It was some recurring npc in their campaigns that did “wacky” hijinks or something. They tried to explain it to anyone who would listen. Anytime someone else would laugh at their stupid joke I wanted to just close up shop.
Then I started fucking with them. I’d shake up cans of soda they bought. I’d “accidentally” bump into their table while moving inventory. This would cause their set up and dice to spill all over. I’d sell them microwaved dice sets “at a discount” and laugh with joy as they consistently rolled nat 1’s. I actually had quite a bit of fun coming up with new ways to inconvenience them. Damaging their favorite table, replacing the chairs at that table with uneven ones. One time I spilled a cup of hot chocolate on the one dressed like frank sinatra.
They eventually started blaming their new streak of misfortune on the hotdog man. That fucking stupid inside joke about the hotdog man had grown to encompass their real life misfortune. These beardy fucks had completely disassociated from reality apparently. It wasn’t long after this began in the shop that it spread. Any little thing that went wrong in the shop others started blaming on the hot dog man! Bad game of yugioh…hot dog man. Shit your pants? HOT DOG MAN! Dog got hit by a car! HOT DOG MAN! It permeated and spread because these little beards never shut up about their stupid inside joke.
I could not tolerate it any longer. As a game shop owner I am the god of these halls and I would not take this beardery. NAY! I didn’t clean my grandads colostomy bag for 8 years to have my castle ruined by the fucking HOT DOG MAN! No these nerds hard to go. I had to hatch a scheme to get them out of the shop.
It was actually relatively easy to come up with a scheme. I knew the fat leg beard was dating the tall “well dressed” kid. But, I also knew she was a bit of a cheater. They had many arguments about her cheating on him. Why such a beast would be able to get so many men interested in her I have no idea. But i knew she had her eyes on one of the seedier warhammer players in the store. He wasn’t a good guy, actually a bit of an alcoholic who hung around because this was all he had left. So I struck a deal, I offered him a hefty amount of figurines for his army in return for “seducing” the land whale. A task he was actually excited about.
Over the next couple weeks I watched as the alcoholic man inserted himself into The Party. I watched as he got closer to the girl, I saw the “well dressed” beard grow more and more insecure. Going outside in a huff more often. The leg beard and her boyfriend arguing loudly in front of the store a few times.Then on the third week during an open play night only the land whale leg beard appeared, crying as she clung to the alcoholic war gamer and complained about her boyfriend. The crying was only slightly less annoying than hearing about the hotdog man. I tried to tune it out by doing some stocking of new inventory for the upcoming yugioh release. I eventually noticed a distinct lack of belly aching. I looked over to the side room, and saw that the alcoholic and legbeard were actively making out on a table. Disgusted I made sure the cameras were recording in the side room.
The world was at peace again. The Party would soon be destroyed thanks to some well deployed miniatures in the right desperate losers hands. Simple as can be. Soon my store would be free of the hot dog man plague. This is why you should never mess with a wealthy man we are wealthy because we are wise. My store is one of the best in this town and it is because of my wisdom. No one else can compete with me because I am too good to be doing this.
As I stocked the cabinet with new singles I had recently bought from someone clearly desperate for drug money I found myself very pleased with myself. I sang as I organized my new acquisitions. Then sneaking a peak at the camera I noticed a distinct absence of the obese legbeard and the war gaming alcoholic. I tried to locate them by walking back there, only to hear the sounds of unholy degenerate acts in the bathroom. I found myself amazed by their lack of shame and more so how easy the land whale was. I guess it’s true what they say “fat chicks will do anything”. I contemplated breaking it up. Then I thought it might be really funny if she got pregnant and the frank sinatra wannabe had to raise a cuck baby. So I allowed it to continue. They left together sometime later.
I went ahead and did a little facebook stalking, as frank sinatra and the land whale were both on on my stores facebook page. Two days later they were broken up and the land whale was dating and apparently living with the alcoholic wargamer. Now I still have to deal with her, but the rest of The Party is distinctly absent.
I posted the video from the security cameras on the facebook page on valentines day that year and tagged the frank sinatra wannabe, deleting it after he left some angry comment under it. Just one more jab at his stupid broken heart. That’s what he deserves for being a cringe neckbeard with his stupid inside jokes.
Now the legbeard and alcoholic play wargames on open play nights at the shop and she’s much quieter. The legacy of the hotdog man died shortly after. I do now have to occasionally observe as the land whale and alcoholic wargamer swap spit on a table. I’ve had to make a sign for the bathroom door that say “please do not fuck in here” and when that didn’t work yell at the both of them. Saying something along the lines of “THIS IS NOT A MOTEL!” but even with that inconvenience, it is still preferable to those beards and their stupid inside joke. I will take cringe bathroom sex over the hot dog man any day.
I am just happy that I met my wife in Mexico. If you have money and a passport, get yourself a Mexican wife. They are much less insane than your average american woman. Also they are very grateful to be here. So that pays dividends in the end. Plus you have someone who can talk to the repair men in their native language around here. Wish I would have known she was infertile beforehand. On the brightside though no condoms. So its not all bad. There are no any beards in Mexico my friends.
If you read this ReddX thanks I’ve been a big fan of the channel for a long time and have wanted to write a story. I just haven’t had the time as I am a very busy and important man. But I can tell we’re like kindred souls. You’re gonna love reading all my installments because were bouth great men of substance and the world. It is time I aired out all these beards. So you’re welcome for contributing to your collection of stories. I truly am a generous king.
Your Best Friend
KingRodGod
2024.05.18 15:15 como365 Republican infighting marked 2024 legislative session
JEFFERSON CITY — The 2024 legislative session that ended Friday seemed more a referendum on Republican Party loyalty than a collective venture toward policy.
Constant infighting among Republicans over priorities and which ones were truly conservative led to days-long filibusters, name calling and the death of many conservative bills, including a top party priority: making it more difficult to amend the Missouri Constitution.
The divisions were so ingrained that the Senate Democrats, holding 10 seats in a 34-person body, delivered the deciding votes on some of the session's most important bills.
The hard-right Freedom Caucus has said their issue with mainstream Republican leaders in the legislature is a lack of dedication to “big red” policies like reducing personal property tax and preventing foreign countries from owning Missouri land.
Looking back at previous sessions, that argument doesn’t quite stack up. In the last several years Republicans have passed one of the nation's most strict abortion bans, limitations on transgender health care and enacted several income tax cuts.
The Freedom Caucus went to great lengths to disrupt Senate procedure and strong-arm leadership in an effort to pass their highest priority, changes to the initiative petition process. The impact was that they were tossed off Senate committees by the Republican leadership and later in the session failed to convince their Republican colleagues to embrace their priorities.
Less than two weeks before the constitutional deadline for the budget and with an important federal health care reimbursement that creates over $4 billion in revenue, Freedom Caucus members filibustered for 41 hours with the demand that leadership first bring up a resolution changing the approval threshold for state constitutional amendments.
Going into the last week of session, initiative petition reform still had not passed.
This week, the Freedom Caucus supported a motion among Republicans to end the Democratic filibuster on the issue through an extraordinary motion — the previous question — that hasn’t been used in the Senate since 2020. But only 16 Republicans would support that plan, which needed 18 votes, so it was never brought before the floor.
With that failure on Wednesday, the resolution was sent back to the House, which refused to budge on Thursday and sent it back to the Senate. On Friday the Senate adjourned without any further action and the effort died.
The failure to pass the resolution making initiative petition changes showed the inability of even a supermajority to act when splintered on such chaotic, disruptive lines.
Senate President Pro Tem. Caleb Rowden, R-Columbia, said that this session showed that more can get done through compromise than confrontation.
"I'm walking out of here as a guy that has basically accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish and I did it in a way that was respectful and collegial," Rowden said in a press conference after adjournment.
Senate Minority Leader John Rizzo, R-Independence, backed up that point saying, "I don't think Democrats won or Republicans lost (the session), I think decorum won."
Fiscal Year 2025 budget
A set of constitutionally mandated bills that fund the state's operations passed just three hours before the May 10 deadline. The final budget is $51.7 billion, $1 billion less than what the governor proposed, and about $2 billion less than last year's budget.
Three things stuck out in this year's budget: Infrastructure continued to be a major focus, spending was reduced to come in line with revenue projects and numerous members on both sides of the aisle were frustrated by the lack of transparency in the process.
Over the last two years, about $3.5 billion has been put into widening I-70 to six lanes statewide and I-44 in the southwestern part of the state. Both projects are about equally funded through debt and general revenue. The budget that was approved is expected to reduce the state surplus to about $1.5 billion.
Up-to-date numbers from the Office of Administration show a more rosy revenue picture than anticipated. So far Fiscal Year 2024 revenue receipts are up 2.7% year over year. That's far higher than the projected .2% growth in revenue used to craft the budget. If that revenue continues at the same pace and with a current general fund balance of over $4 billion there is a chance the state's surplus will hardly be tapped over the next year.
The declining budget also represents a return to normal state budgeting. Since the pandemic, states have received an unprecedented influx of federal COVID relief and infrastructure cash. That has led to record high appropriations that oftentimes don't get spent. In the FY 2023 budget, $10 billion of the $48 billion appropriated was never used. In 2018, only $2 billion of the $28 billion budget was left unspent.
No public comment was taken during the budget process and meetings between the House and Senate where the final budget package was finalized only existed behind closed doors. Senators only had a few minutes to review the bills before voting on them and House members had little time to debate as they passed the budget just hours before the constitutional deadline.
This backdoor process drew criticism from Democrats, Freedom Caucus members and the governor as many felt out of the loop.
Elections and initiative changes Fighting over changes that would make it harder to amend the Missouri Constitution again put the brakes on normal operating procedures on the Senate floor this session.
The Freedom Caucus has more than once sent the Senate into disarray over a piece of legislation that again failed to cross the finish line after years of attempts.
The legislation, sponsored by Sen. Mary Elizabeth Coleman, R-Arnold, would have asked voters whether the current threshold to amend the state constitution — a simple majority, or 50% plus one — should be raised to also require a majority vote in at least five of the state’s eight congressional districts.
This year’s proposal included two provisions that led the chamber to several lengthy filibusters totaling more than 100 hours. In addition to the threshold requirement, the provisions would ask voters to bar noncitizens from voting on constitutional amendments and to ban constitutional amendments sponsored by foreign governments.
These provisions are already state law and Democrats made a point of filibustering against those provisions.
Republicans this session also pushed a resolution that would ban ranked-choice voting in Missouri. SJR 78 was passed by the House on Friday. The question will now go to voters to decide.
Ranked-choice voting is a practice where voters rank their preferred candidates on a single ballot until a winner is declared after receiving a majority of the vote. The idea is to give voters more options once their top-ranked choice is eliminated by distributing their vote to their next preferred candidates. Opponents said the practice does the exact opposite by splitting the vote.
While it is not in state law, St. Louis practices a version of ranked-choice voting that will be protected if the ban passes.
Education bill An omnibus education bill, SB 727, raising the minimum teacher salary, allowing charter schools in Boone County and providing private school scholarships to low-income students, has already been signed into law by Gov. Mike Parson. The provisions of the bill, approved by the minimum vote required in the House, are estimated to cost the state $468 million.
The new state minimum salary for teachers is set at $40,000 a year beginning with the next school year and includes additional incentives for teachers with longer careers and those with master’s degrees.
The voucher-like scholarship program for private school students offers up to $6,375 per child for expenses such as tuition, textbooks and transportation. The program is funded by private donors who can claim tax credits.
The size of the bill ballooned from 12 pages to more than 150 because of amendments in the Senate. House leaders blocked amendments so that the bill would not have to be returned for another vote in the Senate out of concern it would die because of filibusters on other topics.
The law requires a public vote to approve any switch to four-day school weeks while providing incentives to schools that stick with five-day weeks.
New crime provisions A major public safety bill that passed during the final House session on Friday made changes to how children are viewed in the court system, increased punishment for various crimes and limited the authority of citizen police review boards, among other items.
The bill tracks legislation passed last year, except for two technical provisions that prompted a veto by Parson. The law increases the age under which children could be considered adults in felony offenses from 12 to 14.
On July 4, 2011, Blair Shanahan Lane was killed by reckless celebratory gunfire. A portion of the bill dubbed "Blair's Law" creates penalties for such activity. After the bill passed on a bipartisan basis Friday, House members rose for a round of applause directed at Blair Lane's mother, who was in attendance.
The bill also creates "Valentine's Law" raising punishments for fleeing a law enforcement stop. It is named for St. Louis County Detective Antonio Valentine, who died in a crash pursuing a person fleeing police.
And there is a provision known as "Max's Law" that increases punishment for injuring or killing law enforcement K-9 dogs.
Sludge regulations House Bill 2134, which would create new regulations for wastewater sludge under the Missouri Clean Water Act, gained bipartisan approval and was signed by Parson.
The bill gained traction as concerns about waste lagoons and land application practices by Arkansas-based Denali Water Solutions have been brought to light. The new law prevents companies like Denali from applying waste as fertilizer without a regulatory process and testing.
Denali was previously forced to cease operations in Missouri after 6,000 gallons of slaughterhouse waste spilled into a field, causing residents to complain about the smell and runoff concerns.
Regulatory Sandbox Act The House Friday gave final approval to SB 894 creating an avenue for new companies offering innovative products to be excused from meeting some state regulations for the first 24 months that they begin offering innovative products to consumers.
Companies would be required to apply and meet certain criteria to participate in the program.
The bill also creates an Office of Entrepreneurship within the Department of Economic Development that will promote policies and initiatives to support the growth of entrepreneurship of Missouri-based businesses with less than ten employees.
Eviction moratorium A bill passed on Friday barred any municipality from enacting an eviction moratorium. The bill, SB 865, comes in the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic when cities across the country prevented landlords from evicting tenets. Realtors and apartment associations spoke in favor of the bill as they feel moratoriums violate the rights of property owners.
National Guard deployment Parson signed a bill on May 8 approving additional funding for a Missouri National Guard deployment to the southern border. The governor traveled to Eagle Pass, Texas, to sign House Bill 2016 into law and visit with members who have been deployed since March.
“The battle that we’re fighting down here at the border is keeping it from happening in our own borders, in our own state in Missouri,” Parson said before signing the bill.
Members of the National Guard are assisting with Operation Lone Star after being invited by Texas Gov. Greg Abbott. Operation Lone Star is a state-level border security effort at the Texas-Mexico border that began in 2021.
The $2.2 million in funding supports the operations of approximately 200 National Guard members and 22 Missouri State Highway Patrol officers for 90 days. Since the start of their mission, only around 50 guardsmen and 22 members of the highway patrol have served in Texas.
Sports wagering moves ahead After years of failed attempts to get legalization through the Missouri General Assembly, sports gambling appears to have found a more promising path.
Early in May, the Winning for Missouri Education committee along with a coaltion of Missouri professional sports teams submitted over 340,000 signatures for a ballot initiative to the Secretary of State's office desk.
If the Secretary of State verifies that enough signatures are genuine, the question would be put to voters in November. Thirty-eight other states have legalized some form of sports wagering.
The petition proposes a 10% tax on wagers to be collected by the Department of Revenue, deposited into the state treasury and credit to the "Gaming Proceeds for Education Fund," raising a projected $35 million.
Approximately $5 million in funds from the sports wagering tax would go into a fund to help compulsive gamblers and the rest would go to public school and higher education programs.
Child tax credits Bipartisan support and a State of the State address plug by Parson helped two bills, SB 742 and HB 1488, which would add provisions allowing for tax credits related to child care services to reach the Senate floor for consideration.
However, opposition from Freedom Caucus members of the Senate stalled action both in an effort to advance bills they felt deserved more priority and out of a general dislike of tax credits. The Senate version is sponsored by Sen. Lauren Arthur, D-Kansas City, while the House bill is sponsored by Rep. Brenda Shields, R-St. Joseph.
Protecting IVF House and Senate bills to protect in vitro fertilization clinics got a flurry of attention but did not advance following an Alabama state court ruling that relied on a state abortion ban to restrict in vitro fertilization clinics.
The Missouri Court of Appeals in St. Louis ruled in 2016 that IVF-created embryos were a matter of “marital property of special order.” This has provided legal protection for doctors and patients in the IVF field.
However, that court ruling cited abortion protection offered by Roe Vs. Wade, which was overturned in 2022. With Missouri having a similar abortion ban to the one in Alabama, leading advocates and lawmakers alike are concerned about what could lie ahead.
Sen. Tracy McCreery, D-Olivette, filed SB 1486 which would specify that Missouri's abortion ban does not have a definition that includes in vitro fertilization embryos that have not been implanted in a body. Rep. Bill Allen, R-Kansas City, filed House Bill 2845 which states that the IVF process is protected under law and no one can be prosecuted for undergoing or administrating IVF.
Here is what happened to other legislative topics that garnered attention during the session but did not pass:
Protections for pesticide maker: HB 2763, sponsored by Rep. Dane Diehl, R-Butler, would have protected pesticide manufacturers from claims that they failed to warn consumers of possible cancer risks in their products as long as the federal Environmental Protection Agency has approved those products.
Much of the debate before the House approved the bill focused on Bayer, the company with U.S. headquarters in St. Louis that purchased Monsanto, the original manufacturer of RoundUp pesticide. According to The Associated Press, the company is seeking to stem a tide of lawsuits claiming that Bayer’s products cause cancer.
Diehl, a farmer, said he drafted the legislation out of fear that Bayer would be forced to pull RoundUp off of the market, harming farmers ability to grow crops. The bill never made it to the Senate floor for consideration.
Presidential primaries: New voting laws passed in 2022 eliminated the presidential primary in Missouri. Following low voter turnout in this year’s Republican presidential caucus, SB 1120 and HB 2618, which would reinstate presidential primaries, passed out of their respective committees. The House bill passed with amendments that would create new residency restrictions for candidates vying for U.S. Congress. Ultimately, neither bill got floor consideration.
The Taylor Swift Act: Bills in both the House and Senate sought to address the impact of problematic images created by artificial intelligence but did not make it into law. While ten states provide some form of retribution for this type of crime, only Minnesota and New York statutes allow for both civil and criminal relief.
The Taylor Swift Act, House Bill 2573, offered by Rep. Adam Schwadron, R-St. Charles, targeted fake pornographic images. The bill was approved by the Special Committee on Innovation and Technology but never received a floor vote. The name of the bill referred to explicit AI-created images of the singer that went viral in January.
A similar bill, Senate Bill 1424, sponsored by Sen. Travis Fitzwater, R-Holts Summit, did not get a hearing.
Media Literacy: Companion bills, House Bill 1513 and Senate Bill 1311, aimed to teach students about media and digital literacy. Neither bill advanced.
Danny's Law: Legislation that sought to protect 911 callers from prosecution when calling to report a hazing incident stalled in the House. The bill was named after former University of Missouri student Danny Santulli, who suffered irreparable brain damage after drinking too much when pledging a fraternity at MU in the fall of 2021.
Danny’s Law was meant to offer exoneration to those involved in hazing incidents if they’re the first to call for emergency help.
“As the mother of three college-age men, I understand this is a major issue,” said Rep. Jo Doll, D-St. Louis, who spoke during a March 7 committee hearing. “It’s really important to give kids the ability to call 911 without being afraid of the consequences to them.”
Protecting major water users: House Bill 2669, which sought to limit information being released to the public about major water users, was approved by a House committee but failed to get a floor vote. The bill was meant to protect the information of Missouri’s family farmers and would keep information about individually identifiable water users from being disclosed to the public.
Highway Commission changes: A bill, House Bill 2568, that would have changed the makeup of the Missouri Highways & Transportation Commission was voted down in a committee in Apri. Two other bills that would have either changed the makeup of the commission or done away with it altogether failed to move forward after being the subject of public hearings in early February.
Nursing restrictions: Missouri is one of only a few states not to allow nurse practitioners to practice independently without the authority of a physician. A House committee passed an amended version of one bill, HB 1773, sponsored by Rep. Chad Perkins, R-Bowling Green, that would allow nurses to practice independently after 6,000 hours of work under a physician's supervision. The bill was never placed on the House calendar, a roadblock which some nurses point to opposition from House Floor Leader Rep. Jonathan Patterson, R-Lee’s Summit.
Dmitry Martirosov, Molly Miller, Aidan Pittman, Grant Green and Madeline Shannon contributed to this story.
Cover image: State Representative Chantelle Nickson-Clark(cq) throws her papers at the end of the legislative session on Friday, May 17, 2024 at the Statehouse in Jefferson City. Nickson-Clark was the first Black woman elected to represent District 67 in St. Louis County in Nov. 2022.
submitted by como365 to missouri [link] [comments]
Constant infighting among Republicans over priorities and which ones were truly conservative led to days-long filibusters, name calling and the death of many conservative bills, including a top party priority: making it more difficult to amend the Missouri Constitution.
The divisions were so ingrained that the Senate Democrats, holding 10 seats in a 34-person body, delivered the deciding votes on some of the session's most important bills.
The hard-right Freedom Caucus has said their issue with mainstream Republican leaders in the legislature is a lack of dedication to “big red” policies like reducing personal property tax and preventing foreign countries from owning Missouri land.
Looking back at previous sessions, that argument doesn’t quite stack up. In the last several years Republicans have passed one of the nation's most strict abortion bans, limitations on transgender health care and enacted several income tax cuts.
The Freedom Caucus went to great lengths to disrupt Senate procedure and strong-arm leadership in an effort to pass their highest priority, changes to the initiative petition process. The impact was that they were tossed off Senate committees by the Republican leadership and later in the session failed to convince their Republican colleagues to embrace their priorities.
Less than two weeks before the constitutional deadline for the budget and with an important federal health care reimbursement that creates over $4 billion in revenue, Freedom Caucus members filibustered for 41 hours with the demand that leadership first bring up a resolution changing the approval threshold for state constitutional amendments.
Going into the last week of session, initiative petition reform still had not passed.
This week, the Freedom Caucus supported a motion among Republicans to end the Democratic filibuster on the issue through an extraordinary motion — the previous question — that hasn’t been used in the Senate since 2020. But only 16 Republicans would support that plan, which needed 18 votes, so it was never brought before the floor.
With that failure on Wednesday, the resolution was sent back to the House, which refused to budge on Thursday and sent it back to the Senate. On Friday the Senate adjourned without any further action and the effort died.
The failure to pass the resolution making initiative petition changes showed the inability of even a supermajority to act when splintered on such chaotic, disruptive lines.
Senate President Pro Tem. Caleb Rowden, R-Columbia, said that this session showed that more can get done through compromise than confrontation.
"I'm walking out of here as a guy that has basically accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish and I did it in a way that was respectful and collegial," Rowden said in a press conference after adjournment.
Senate Minority Leader John Rizzo, R-Independence, backed up that point saying, "I don't think Democrats won or Republicans lost (the session), I think decorum won."
Fiscal Year 2025 budget
A set of constitutionally mandated bills that fund the state's operations passed just three hours before the May 10 deadline. The final budget is $51.7 billion, $1 billion less than what the governor proposed, and about $2 billion less than last year's budget.
Three things stuck out in this year's budget: Infrastructure continued to be a major focus, spending was reduced to come in line with revenue projects and numerous members on both sides of the aisle were frustrated by the lack of transparency in the process.
Over the last two years, about $3.5 billion has been put into widening I-70 to six lanes statewide and I-44 in the southwestern part of the state. Both projects are about equally funded through debt and general revenue. The budget that was approved is expected to reduce the state surplus to about $1.5 billion.
Up-to-date numbers from the Office of Administration show a more rosy revenue picture than anticipated. So far Fiscal Year 2024 revenue receipts are up 2.7% year over year. That's far higher than the projected .2% growth in revenue used to craft the budget. If that revenue continues at the same pace and with a current general fund balance of over $4 billion there is a chance the state's surplus will hardly be tapped over the next year.
The declining budget also represents a return to normal state budgeting. Since the pandemic, states have received an unprecedented influx of federal COVID relief and infrastructure cash. That has led to record high appropriations that oftentimes don't get spent. In the FY 2023 budget, $10 billion of the $48 billion appropriated was never used. In 2018, only $2 billion of the $28 billion budget was left unspent.
No public comment was taken during the budget process and meetings between the House and Senate where the final budget package was finalized only existed behind closed doors. Senators only had a few minutes to review the bills before voting on them and House members had little time to debate as they passed the budget just hours before the constitutional deadline.
This backdoor process drew criticism from Democrats, Freedom Caucus members and the governor as many felt out of the loop.
Elections and initiative changes Fighting over changes that would make it harder to amend the Missouri Constitution again put the brakes on normal operating procedures on the Senate floor this session.
The Freedom Caucus has more than once sent the Senate into disarray over a piece of legislation that again failed to cross the finish line after years of attempts.
The legislation, sponsored by Sen. Mary Elizabeth Coleman, R-Arnold, would have asked voters whether the current threshold to amend the state constitution — a simple majority, or 50% plus one — should be raised to also require a majority vote in at least five of the state’s eight congressional districts.
This year’s proposal included two provisions that led the chamber to several lengthy filibusters totaling more than 100 hours. In addition to the threshold requirement, the provisions would ask voters to bar noncitizens from voting on constitutional amendments and to ban constitutional amendments sponsored by foreign governments.
These provisions are already state law and Democrats made a point of filibustering against those provisions.
Republicans this session also pushed a resolution that would ban ranked-choice voting in Missouri. SJR 78 was passed by the House on Friday. The question will now go to voters to decide.
Ranked-choice voting is a practice where voters rank their preferred candidates on a single ballot until a winner is declared after receiving a majority of the vote. The idea is to give voters more options once their top-ranked choice is eliminated by distributing their vote to their next preferred candidates. Opponents said the practice does the exact opposite by splitting the vote.
While it is not in state law, St. Louis practices a version of ranked-choice voting that will be protected if the ban passes.
Education bill An omnibus education bill, SB 727, raising the minimum teacher salary, allowing charter schools in Boone County and providing private school scholarships to low-income students, has already been signed into law by Gov. Mike Parson. The provisions of the bill, approved by the minimum vote required in the House, are estimated to cost the state $468 million.
The new state minimum salary for teachers is set at $40,000 a year beginning with the next school year and includes additional incentives for teachers with longer careers and those with master’s degrees.
The voucher-like scholarship program for private school students offers up to $6,375 per child for expenses such as tuition, textbooks and transportation. The program is funded by private donors who can claim tax credits.
The size of the bill ballooned from 12 pages to more than 150 because of amendments in the Senate. House leaders blocked amendments so that the bill would not have to be returned for another vote in the Senate out of concern it would die because of filibusters on other topics.
The law requires a public vote to approve any switch to four-day school weeks while providing incentives to schools that stick with five-day weeks.
New crime provisions A major public safety bill that passed during the final House session on Friday made changes to how children are viewed in the court system, increased punishment for various crimes and limited the authority of citizen police review boards, among other items.
The bill tracks legislation passed last year, except for two technical provisions that prompted a veto by Parson. The law increases the age under which children could be considered adults in felony offenses from 12 to 14.
On July 4, 2011, Blair Shanahan Lane was killed by reckless celebratory gunfire. A portion of the bill dubbed "Blair's Law" creates penalties for such activity. After the bill passed on a bipartisan basis Friday, House members rose for a round of applause directed at Blair Lane's mother, who was in attendance.
The bill also creates "Valentine's Law" raising punishments for fleeing a law enforcement stop. It is named for St. Louis County Detective Antonio Valentine, who died in a crash pursuing a person fleeing police.
And there is a provision known as "Max's Law" that increases punishment for injuring or killing law enforcement K-9 dogs.
Sludge regulations House Bill 2134, which would create new regulations for wastewater sludge under the Missouri Clean Water Act, gained bipartisan approval and was signed by Parson.
The bill gained traction as concerns about waste lagoons and land application practices by Arkansas-based Denali Water Solutions have been brought to light. The new law prevents companies like Denali from applying waste as fertilizer without a regulatory process and testing.
Denali was previously forced to cease operations in Missouri after 6,000 gallons of slaughterhouse waste spilled into a field, causing residents to complain about the smell and runoff concerns.
Regulatory Sandbox Act The House Friday gave final approval to SB 894 creating an avenue for new companies offering innovative products to be excused from meeting some state regulations for the first 24 months that they begin offering innovative products to consumers.
Companies would be required to apply and meet certain criteria to participate in the program.
The bill also creates an Office of Entrepreneurship within the Department of Economic Development that will promote policies and initiatives to support the growth of entrepreneurship of Missouri-based businesses with less than ten employees.
Eviction moratorium A bill passed on Friday barred any municipality from enacting an eviction moratorium. The bill, SB 865, comes in the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic when cities across the country prevented landlords from evicting tenets. Realtors and apartment associations spoke in favor of the bill as they feel moratoriums violate the rights of property owners.
National Guard deployment Parson signed a bill on May 8 approving additional funding for a Missouri National Guard deployment to the southern border. The governor traveled to Eagle Pass, Texas, to sign House Bill 2016 into law and visit with members who have been deployed since March.
“The battle that we’re fighting down here at the border is keeping it from happening in our own borders, in our own state in Missouri,” Parson said before signing the bill.
Members of the National Guard are assisting with Operation Lone Star after being invited by Texas Gov. Greg Abbott. Operation Lone Star is a state-level border security effort at the Texas-Mexico border that began in 2021.
The $2.2 million in funding supports the operations of approximately 200 National Guard members and 22 Missouri State Highway Patrol officers for 90 days. Since the start of their mission, only around 50 guardsmen and 22 members of the highway patrol have served in Texas.
Sports wagering moves ahead After years of failed attempts to get legalization through the Missouri General Assembly, sports gambling appears to have found a more promising path.
Early in May, the Winning for Missouri Education committee along with a coaltion of Missouri professional sports teams submitted over 340,000 signatures for a ballot initiative to the Secretary of State's office desk.
If the Secretary of State verifies that enough signatures are genuine, the question would be put to voters in November. Thirty-eight other states have legalized some form of sports wagering.
The petition proposes a 10% tax on wagers to be collected by the Department of Revenue, deposited into the state treasury and credit to the "Gaming Proceeds for Education Fund," raising a projected $35 million.
Approximately $5 million in funds from the sports wagering tax would go into a fund to help compulsive gamblers and the rest would go to public school and higher education programs.
Child tax credits Bipartisan support and a State of the State address plug by Parson helped two bills, SB 742 and HB 1488, which would add provisions allowing for tax credits related to child care services to reach the Senate floor for consideration.
However, opposition from Freedom Caucus members of the Senate stalled action both in an effort to advance bills they felt deserved more priority and out of a general dislike of tax credits. The Senate version is sponsored by Sen. Lauren Arthur, D-Kansas City, while the House bill is sponsored by Rep. Brenda Shields, R-St. Joseph.
Protecting IVF House and Senate bills to protect in vitro fertilization clinics got a flurry of attention but did not advance following an Alabama state court ruling that relied on a state abortion ban to restrict in vitro fertilization clinics.
The Missouri Court of Appeals in St. Louis ruled in 2016 that IVF-created embryos were a matter of “marital property of special order.” This has provided legal protection for doctors and patients in the IVF field.
However, that court ruling cited abortion protection offered by Roe Vs. Wade, which was overturned in 2022. With Missouri having a similar abortion ban to the one in Alabama, leading advocates and lawmakers alike are concerned about what could lie ahead.
Sen. Tracy McCreery, D-Olivette, filed SB 1486 which would specify that Missouri's abortion ban does not have a definition that includes in vitro fertilization embryos that have not been implanted in a body. Rep. Bill Allen, R-Kansas City, filed House Bill 2845 which states that the IVF process is protected under law and no one can be prosecuted for undergoing or administrating IVF.
Here is what happened to other legislative topics that garnered attention during the session but did not pass:
Protections for pesticide maker: HB 2763, sponsored by Rep. Dane Diehl, R-Butler, would have protected pesticide manufacturers from claims that they failed to warn consumers of possible cancer risks in their products as long as the federal Environmental Protection Agency has approved those products.
Much of the debate before the House approved the bill focused on Bayer, the company with U.S. headquarters in St. Louis that purchased Monsanto, the original manufacturer of RoundUp pesticide. According to The Associated Press, the company is seeking to stem a tide of lawsuits claiming that Bayer’s products cause cancer.
Diehl, a farmer, said he drafted the legislation out of fear that Bayer would be forced to pull RoundUp off of the market, harming farmers ability to grow crops. The bill never made it to the Senate floor for consideration.
Presidential primaries: New voting laws passed in 2022 eliminated the presidential primary in Missouri. Following low voter turnout in this year’s Republican presidential caucus, SB 1120 and HB 2618, which would reinstate presidential primaries, passed out of their respective committees. The House bill passed with amendments that would create new residency restrictions for candidates vying for U.S. Congress. Ultimately, neither bill got floor consideration.
The Taylor Swift Act: Bills in both the House and Senate sought to address the impact of problematic images created by artificial intelligence but did not make it into law. While ten states provide some form of retribution for this type of crime, only Minnesota and New York statutes allow for both civil and criminal relief.
The Taylor Swift Act, House Bill 2573, offered by Rep. Adam Schwadron, R-St. Charles, targeted fake pornographic images. The bill was approved by the Special Committee on Innovation and Technology but never received a floor vote. The name of the bill referred to explicit AI-created images of the singer that went viral in January.
A similar bill, Senate Bill 1424, sponsored by Sen. Travis Fitzwater, R-Holts Summit, did not get a hearing.
Media Literacy: Companion bills, House Bill 1513 and Senate Bill 1311, aimed to teach students about media and digital literacy. Neither bill advanced.
Danny's Law: Legislation that sought to protect 911 callers from prosecution when calling to report a hazing incident stalled in the House. The bill was named after former University of Missouri student Danny Santulli, who suffered irreparable brain damage after drinking too much when pledging a fraternity at MU in the fall of 2021.
Danny’s Law was meant to offer exoneration to those involved in hazing incidents if they’re the first to call for emergency help.
“As the mother of three college-age men, I understand this is a major issue,” said Rep. Jo Doll, D-St. Louis, who spoke during a March 7 committee hearing. “It’s really important to give kids the ability to call 911 without being afraid of the consequences to them.”
Protecting major water users: House Bill 2669, which sought to limit information being released to the public about major water users, was approved by a House committee but failed to get a floor vote. The bill was meant to protect the information of Missouri’s family farmers and would keep information about individually identifiable water users from being disclosed to the public.
Highway Commission changes: A bill, House Bill 2568, that would have changed the makeup of the Missouri Highways & Transportation Commission was voted down in a committee in Apri. Two other bills that would have either changed the makeup of the commission or done away with it altogether failed to move forward after being the subject of public hearings in early February.
Nursing restrictions: Missouri is one of only a few states not to allow nurse practitioners to practice independently without the authority of a physician. A House committee passed an amended version of one bill, HB 1773, sponsored by Rep. Chad Perkins, R-Bowling Green, that would allow nurses to practice independently after 6,000 hours of work under a physician's supervision. The bill was never placed on the House calendar, a roadblock which some nurses point to opposition from House Floor Leader Rep. Jonathan Patterson, R-Lee’s Summit.
Dmitry Martirosov, Molly Miller, Aidan Pittman, Grant Green and Madeline Shannon contributed to this story.
Cover image: State Representative Chantelle Nickson-Clark(cq) throws her papers at the end of the legislative session on Friday, May 17, 2024 at the Statehouse in Jefferson City. Nickson-Clark was the first Black woman elected to represent District 67 in St. Louis County in Nov. 2022.
2024.05.17 06:40 healandglow45 Rethinking my relationship and need your opinion on the same? (24F) and (34M)
I am dating someone and I feel like there are a few issues between us. I need an objective opinion on is it really that bad for me to stay or am I just overthinking and overanalysing and being anxious for nothing.
I (24F) started dating (34M) 1 year ago and when I slowly started knowing him he was all good and wonderful. Really polite and available as well as sweet on most occasions. At that time he told me his age is 29, when it was actually 33. It was much later that he told me his age is 33. And that he said 29 because otherwise I would have never talked to him. We are in an LDR which is few hours apart. It has always been me travelling to see him. Earlier he was free but never made plans now he is severely tied at work and family issues so he doesn't have time. We met a few times and over a course of three months he told me sex is very important for him. And he can wait as long as it takes me time to see him again but when we see each other we will have sex. Before this I have never had any sexual experiences and I had always visualised having sex with someone I am very serious about. At that time I was attracted to him and wanted to try it myself so I said yes okay. Although the condition didn't fit right with me because he mentioned if we can't have sex, we can't be together. And I think I should have backed out at that point itself. Because his love for me was conditional. Anyways since I also wanted him I said yes. We met after a few weeks and before that we had a small fight, so I wasn't in the mood for sex and I was very tired. I simply wanted to eat, talk and sleep that night. I simply wanted to settle down a bit. He initiated the makeout sessions and at that point he realized I am not interested in having sex and he said if we can't have sex tonight we have to end things. Stupid me tried to make him understand a bit, but he won't budge. Then I slept, after that I woke up and saw him wide awake, annoyed and sort of like a kid- scornful and whining. I tried to reason with him and he said we can continue this only if I agree to have sex now. After a bit of thought and to bring peace I said yes. Now when we started... it was very painful, I think I was tight because I wasn't really turned on. I stopped him 2 times and he got pissed. After sometime we tried again and it ended. It was painful. And during the whole time he didn't stop because according to him it was supposed to pain a bit and we needed to get over it. - I still feel extremely sad about how it went, how he behaved and how I was made to say yes. Even though I had a chance to just leave him but it was a weird situation he won't leave the room, he would sleep next to me and sulk. I didn't really know how big of a deal sex is. At that time I was willing to do it given my mood gets well. But he basically gave me a threat and I succumbed because of my attachment.
After that, the next day I didn't wanna have sex as I was sore. He said - again you are doing the same drama. We need to get over with this so that it stops paining. So the next day twice we had sex but I wasn't really into it as I was sore. But I had a chance to say no but again I was put under a pressure. I really don't want to view it as rape because I also like him and love spending Time with him otherwise. But he made sex so mandatory idk.
After that we met a few more times, if not together, we would talk regularly, share things, he would help me with few of my personal stuff. But he never really comes to see me or did anything for valentine's or my birthday. But it's still alright for me and he is occupied and busy. The few times we have met after having sex it's always just in a hotel room, even though I like the sex but it's just that, cuddling, sleeping. We never hangout anymore. And I feel sad about that personally. Another thing is- he has trust issues. To navigate that he asked for my gmail password, insta password and access to my texts which I gave him. I do not have access to any of his and never have I ever looked into his phone. Anytime any male colleagues interacts with me he asks me 10+ questions. He asked me to cancel a picnic plan because it has boys in it. He doubts me a lot. A few times we have had fights and he has called me- cheap, dumb, plain looking, ordinary, slut ( he heard me laughing with my colleagues I have a very very platonic relationship with), whore (one time he overheard one senior colleague discussing a topic related completely to work), r word as well when he has been really angry one time I cut his call to take an important call from a friend as his mother was ill.
He blocked all my male friends on insta and whatsapp. A few times he has mentioned he liked me only because I seemed loyal and that I am as ugly and one time I said I wanted to watch a horror movie and he said I should look in the mirror jokingly. Most of these were when he gets angry and loses his shit but calms down as well. I do not know whether this is a trauma bond or what.
He doesn't really compliment me. I don't have a very authentic objective opinion but from what I hear from others- they say I am cute, diligent, kind and sharp at work. And many guys give me enough attention at work. So I don't know whether he says these things to make me underconfident or I am not exactly his type otherwise.
A few times we have had fights and he has told me he will block me unless I call him right now. He has also mentioned that there's nothing I can give him and that there are far better, more good looking, more wonderful girls he has dated (all in anger).
One night I slept early and had my phone on silent. He called me 12 times and in the morning accused me of sleeping with someone. I had to explain to him ardously with evidence that I didn't go anywhere. So it's really mentally taxing on me. Even If I go on a walk without informing he doubts me and threatens to actually cheat on me. Obviously he never gave me any of his insta password. On his insta, all his followers are girls (less than 100) and majority of the people he follows are girls (around 250). While he has blocked almost all guts on my insta and blocks any guy who texts me on insta who isn't my colleague and asked me to block my cousin brother I am close with.
Are these reasons enough to leave someone? Recently he mentioned marriage and all this while I had kind of wanted that things will get fixed. But day in and out I think of that day and it feels like what happened was wrong. I did give my consent but I feel like it was better to tell him to leave and I should have just ended things then. Because he gave me an ultimatum over sex. I was below his stubbornness and ego. It has been over a year and I still think of that day.
I have tried to make it work so far because I became really attached and liked him a lot. He's loyal, sweet and a regular communicator otherwise. We had a habit of sleeping on calls and I really liked such a tender side of him. I don't think I will be able to find a decent guy. If we breakup I will probably end up alone for life.
Please be kind in comments. One thing I am absolutely shameful about is the sex. I wanted to be intimate with someone I would settle down in the future. And that's why leaving him feels so painful. I feel used and sort of not good enough in case I meet someone else.
submitted by healandglow45 to RelationshipIndia [link] [comments]
I (24F) started dating (34M) 1 year ago and when I slowly started knowing him he was all good and wonderful. Really polite and available as well as sweet on most occasions. At that time he told me his age is 29, when it was actually 33. It was much later that he told me his age is 33. And that he said 29 because otherwise I would have never talked to him. We are in an LDR which is few hours apart. It has always been me travelling to see him. Earlier he was free but never made plans now he is severely tied at work and family issues so he doesn't have time. We met a few times and over a course of three months he told me sex is very important for him. And he can wait as long as it takes me time to see him again but when we see each other we will have sex. Before this I have never had any sexual experiences and I had always visualised having sex with someone I am very serious about. At that time I was attracted to him and wanted to try it myself so I said yes okay. Although the condition didn't fit right with me because he mentioned if we can't have sex, we can't be together. And I think I should have backed out at that point itself. Because his love for me was conditional. Anyways since I also wanted him I said yes. We met after a few weeks and before that we had a small fight, so I wasn't in the mood for sex and I was very tired. I simply wanted to eat, talk and sleep that night. I simply wanted to settle down a bit. He initiated the makeout sessions and at that point he realized I am not interested in having sex and he said if we can't have sex tonight we have to end things. Stupid me tried to make him understand a bit, but he won't budge. Then I slept, after that I woke up and saw him wide awake, annoyed and sort of like a kid- scornful and whining. I tried to reason with him and he said we can continue this only if I agree to have sex now. After a bit of thought and to bring peace I said yes. Now when we started... it was very painful, I think I was tight because I wasn't really turned on. I stopped him 2 times and he got pissed. After sometime we tried again and it ended. It was painful. And during the whole time he didn't stop because according to him it was supposed to pain a bit and we needed to get over it. - I still feel extremely sad about how it went, how he behaved and how I was made to say yes. Even though I had a chance to just leave him but it was a weird situation he won't leave the room, he would sleep next to me and sulk. I didn't really know how big of a deal sex is. At that time I was willing to do it given my mood gets well. But he basically gave me a threat and I succumbed because of my attachment.
After that, the next day I didn't wanna have sex as I was sore. He said - again you are doing the same drama. We need to get over with this so that it stops paining. So the next day twice we had sex but I wasn't really into it as I was sore. But I had a chance to say no but again I was put under a pressure. I really don't want to view it as rape because I also like him and love spending Time with him otherwise. But he made sex so mandatory idk.
After that we met a few more times, if not together, we would talk regularly, share things, he would help me with few of my personal stuff. But he never really comes to see me or did anything for valentine's or my birthday. But it's still alright for me and he is occupied and busy. The few times we have met after having sex it's always just in a hotel room, even though I like the sex but it's just that, cuddling, sleeping. We never hangout anymore. And I feel sad about that personally. Another thing is- he has trust issues. To navigate that he asked for my gmail password, insta password and access to my texts which I gave him. I do not have access to any of his and never have I ever looked into his phone. Anytime any male colleagues interacts with me he asks me 10+ questions. He asked me to cancel a picnic plan because it has boys in it. He doubts me a lot. A few times we have had fights and he has called me- cheap, dumb, plain looking, ordinary, slut ( he heard me laughing with my colleagues I have a very very platonic relationship with), whore (one time he overheard one senior colleague discussing a topic related completely to work), r word as well when he has been really angry one time I cut his call to take an important call from a friend as his mother was ill.
He blocked all my male friends on insta and whatsapp. A few times he has mentioned he liked me only because I seemed loyal and that I am as ugly and one time I said I wanted to watch a horror movie and he said I should look in the mirror jokingly. Most of these were when he gets angry and loses his shit but calms down as well. I do not know whether this is a trauma bond or what.
He doesn't really compliment me. I don't have a very authentic objective opinion but from what I hear from others- they say I am cute, diligent, kind and sharp at work. And many guys give me enough attention at work. So I don't know whether he says these things to make me underconfident or I am not exactly his type otherwise.
A few times we have had fights and he has told me he will block me unless I call him right now. He has also mentioned that there's nothing I can give him and that there are far better, more good looking, more wonderful girls he has dated (all in anger).
One night I slept early and had my phone on silent. He called me 12 times and in the morning accused me of sleeping with someone. I had to explain to him ardously with evidence that I didn't go anywhere. So it's really mentally taxing on me. Even If I go on a walk without informing he doubts me and threatens to actually cheat on me. Obviously he never gave me any of his insta password. On his insta, all his followers are girls (less than 100) and majority of the people he follows are girls (around 250). While he has blocked almost all guts on my insta and blocks any guy who texts me on insta who isn't my colleague and asked me to block my cousin brother I am close with.
Are these reasons enough to leave someone? Recently he mentioned marriage and all this while I had kind of wanted that things will get fixed. But day in and out I think of that day and it feels like what happened was wrong. I did give my consent but I feel like it was better to tell him to leave and I should have just ended things then. Because he gave me an ultimatum over sex. I was below his stubbornness and ego. It has been over a year and I still think of that day.
I have tried to make it work so far because I became really attached and liked him a lot. He's loyal, sweet and a regular communicator otherwise. We had a habit of sleeping on calls and I really liked such a tender side of him. I don't think I will be able to find a decent guy. If we breakup I will probably end up alone for life.
Please be kind in comments. One thing I am absolutely shameful about is the sex. I wanted to be intimate with someone I would settle down in the future. And that's why leaving him feels so painful. I feel used and sort of not good enough in case I meet someone else.
2024.05.17 06:02 healandglow45 Rethinking my relationship and need your opinion on the same?
I am dating someone and I feel like there are a few issues between us. I need an objective opinion on is it really that bad for me to stay or am I just overthinking and overanalysing and being anxious for nothing.
I (24F) started dating (34M) 1 year ago and when I slowly started knowing him he was all good and wonderful. Really polite and available as well as sweet on most occasions. At that time he told me his age is 29, when it was actually 33. It was much later that he told me his age is 33. And that he said 29 because otherwise I would have never talked to him. We are in an LDR which is few hours apart. It has always been me travelling to see him. Earlier he was free but never made plans now he is severely tied at work and family issues so he doesn't have time. We met a few times and over a course of three months he told me sex is very important for him. And he can wait as long as it takes me time to see him again but when we see each other we will have sex. Before this I have never had any sexual experiences and I had always visualised having sex with someone I am very serious about. At that time I was attracted to him and wanted to try it myself so I said yes okay. Although the condition didn't fit right with me because he mentioned if we can't have sex, we can't be together. And I think I should have backed out at that point itself. Because his love for me was conditional. Anyways since I also wanted him I said yes. We met after a few weeks and before that we had a small fight, so I wasn't in the mood for sex and I was very tired. I simply wanted to eat, talk and sleep that night. I simply wanted to settle down a bit. He initiated the makeout sessions and at that point he realized I am not interested in having sex and he said if we can't have sex tonight we have to end things. Stupid me tried to make him understand a bit, but he won't budge. Then I slept, after that I woke up and saw him wide awake, annoyed and sort of like a kid- scornful and whining. I tried to reason with him and he said we can continue this only if I agree to have sex now. After a bit of thought and to bring peace I said yes. Now when we started... it was very painful, I think I was tight because I wasn't really turned on. I stopped him 2 times and he got pissed. After sometime we tried again and it ended. It was painful. And during the whole time he didn't stop because according to him it was supposed to pain a bit and we needed to get over it. - I still feel extremely sad about how it went, how he behaved and how I was made to say yes. Even though I had a chance to just leave him but it was a weird situation he won't leave the room, he would sleep next to me and sulk. I didn't really know how big of a deal sex is. At that time I was willing to do it given my mood gets well. But he basically gave me a threat and I succumbed because of my attachment.
After that, the next day I didn't wanna have sex as I was sore. He said - again you are doing the same drama. We need to get over with this so that it stops paining. So the next day twice we had sex but I wasn't really into it as I was sore. But I had a chance to say no but again I was put under a pressure. I really don't want to view it as rape because I also like him and love spending Time with him otherwise. But he made sex so mandatory idk.
After that we met a few more times, if not together, we would talk regularly, share things, he would help me with few of my personal stuff. But he never really comes to see me or did anything for valentine's or my birthday. But it's still alright for me and he is occupied and busy. The few times we have met after having sex it's always just in a hotel room, even though I like the sex but it's just that, cuddling, sleeping. We never hangout anymore. And I feel sad about that personally. Another thing is- he has trust issues. To navigate that he asked for my gmail password, insta password and access to my texts which I gave him. I do not have access to any of his and never have I ever looked into his phone. Anytime any male colleagues interacts with me he asks me 10+ questions. He asked me to cancel a picnic plan because it has boys in it. He doubts me a lot. A few times we have had fights and he has called me- cheap, dumb, plain looking, ordinary, slut ( he heard me laughing with my colleagues I have a very very platonic relationship with), whore (one time he overheard one senior colleague discussing a topic related completely to work), r word as well when he has been really angry one time I cut his call to take an important call from a friend as his mother was ill.
He blocked all my male friends on insta and whatsapp. A few times he has mentioned he liked me only because I seemed loyal and that I am as ugly and one time I said I wanted to watch a horror movie and he said I should look in the mirror jokingly. Most of these were when he gets angry and loses his shit but calms down as well. I do not know whether this is a trauma bond or what.
He doesn't really compliment me. I don't have a very authentic objective opinion but from what I hear from others- they say I am cute, diligent, kind and sharp at work. And many guys give me enough attention at work. So I don't know whether he says these things to make me underconfident or I am not exactly his type otherwise.
A few times we have had fights and he has told me he will block me unless I call him right now. He has also mentioned that there's nothing I can give him and that there are far better, more good looking, more wonderful girls he has dated (all in anger).
One night I slept early and had my phone on silent. He called me 12 times and in the morning accused me of sleeping with someone. I had to explain to him ardously with evidence that I didn't go anywhere. So it's really mentally taxing on me. Even If I go on a walk without informing he doubts me and threatens to actually cheat on me. Obviously he never gave me any of his insta password. On his insta, all his followers are girls (less than 100) and majority of the people he follows are girls (around 250). While he has blocked almost all guts on my insta and blocks any guy who texts me on insta who isn't my colleague and asked me to block my cousin brother I am close with.
Are these reasons enough to leave someone? Recently he mentioned marriage and all this while I had kind of wanted that things will get fixed. But day in and out I think of that day and it feels like what happened was wrong. I did give my consent but I feel like it was better to tell him to leave and I should have just ended things then. Because he gave me an ultimatum over sex. I was below his stubbornness and ego. It has been over a year and I still think of that day.
I have tried to make it work so far because I became really attached and liked him a lot. He's loyal, sweet and a regular communicator otherwise. We had a habit of sleeping on calls and I really liked such a tender side of him. I don't think I will be able to find a decent guy. If we breakup I will probably end up alone for life.
Please be kind in comments. One thing I am absolutely shameful about is the sex. I wanted to be intimate with someone I would settle down in the future. And that's why leaving him feels so painful. I feel used and sort of not good enough in case I meet someone else.
submitted by healandglow45 to TwoXIndia [link] [comments]
I (24F) started dating (34M) 1 year ago and when I slowly started knowing him he was all good and wonderful. Really polite and available as well as sweet on most occasions. At that time he told me his age is 29, when it was actually 33. It was much later that he told me his age is 33. And that he said 29 because otherwise I would have never talked to him. We are in an LDR which is few hours apart. It has always been me travelling to see him. Earlier he was free but never made plans now he is severely tied at work and family issues so he doesn't have time. We met a few times and over a course of three months he told me sex is very important for him. And he can wait as long as it takes me time to see him again but when we see each other we will have sex. Before this I have never had any sexual experiences and I had always visualised having sex with someone I am very serious about. At that time I was attracted to him and wanted to try it myself so I said yes okay. Although the condition didn't fit right with me because he mentioned if we can't have sex, we can't be together. And I think I should have backed out at that point itself. Because his love for me was conditional. Anyways since I also wanted him I said yes. We met after a few weeks and before that we had a small fight, so I wasn't in the mood for sex and I was very tired. I simply wanted to eat, talk and sleep that night. I simply wanted to settle down a bit. He initiated the makeout sessions and at that point he realized I am not interested in having sex and he said if we can't have sex tonight we have to end things. Stupid me tried to make him understand a bit, but he won't budge. Then I slept, after that I woke up and saw him wide awake, annoyed and sort of like a kid- scornful and whining. I tried to reason with him and he said we can continue this only if I agree to have sex now. After a bit of thought and to bring peace I said yes. Now when we started... it was very painful, I think I was tight because I wasn't really turned on. I stopped him 2 times and he got pissed. After sometime we tried again and it ended. It was painful. And during the whole time he didn't stop because according to him it was supposed to pain a bit and we needed to get over it. - I still feel extremely sad about how it went, how he behaved and how I was made to say yes. Even though I had a chance to just leave him but it was a weird situation he won't leave the room, he would sleep next to me and sulk. I didn't really know how big of a deal sex is. At that time I was willing to do it given my mood gets well. But he basically gave me a threat and I succumbed because of my attachment.
After that, the next day I didn't wanna have sex as I was sore. He said - again you are doing the same drama. We need to get over with this so that it stops paining. So the next day twice we had sex but I wasn't really into it as I was sore. But I had a chance to say no but again I was put under a pressure. I really don't want to view it as rape because I also like him and love spending Time with him otherwise. But he made sex so mandatory idk.
After that we met a few more times, if not together, we would talk regularly, share things, he would help me with few of my personal stuff. But he never really comes to see me or did anything for valentine's or my birthday. But it's still alright for me and he is occupied and busy. The few times we have met after having sex it's always just in a hotel room, even though I like the sex but it's just that, cuddling, sleeping. We never hangout anymore. And I feel sad about that personally. Another thing is- he has trust issues. To navigate that he asked for my gmail password, insta password and access to my texts which I gave him. I do not have access to any of his and never have I ever looked into his phone. Anytime any male colleagues interacts with me he asks me 10+ questions. He asked me to cancel a picnic plan because it has boys in it. He doubts me a lot. A few times we have had fights and he has called me- cheap, dumb, plain looking, ordinary, slut ( he heard me laughing with my colleagues I have a very very platonic relationship with), whore (one time he overheard one senior colleague discussing a topic related completely to work), r word as well when he has been really angry one time I cut his call to take an important call from a friend as his mother was ill.
He blocked all my male friends on insta and whatsapp. A few times he has mentioned he liked me only because I seemed loyal and that I am as ugly and one time I said I wanted to watch a horror movie and he said I should look in the mirror jokingly. Most of these were when he gets angry and loses his shit but calms down as well. I do not know whether this is a trauma bond or what.
He doesn't really compliment me. I don't have a very authentic objective opinion but from what I hear from others- they say I am cute, diligent, kind and sharp at work. And many guys give me enough attention at work. So I don't know whether he says these things to make me underconfident or I am not exactly his type otherwise.
A few times we have had fights and he has told me he will block me unless I call him right now. He has also mentioned that there's nothing I can give him and that there are far better, more good looking, more wonderful girls he has dated (all in anger).
One night I slept early and had my phone on silent. He called me 12 times and in the morning accused me of sleeping with someone. I had to explain to him ardously with evidence that I didn't go anywhere. So it's really mentally taxing on me. Even If I go on a walk without informing he doubts me and threatens to actually cheat on me. Obviously he never gave me any of his insta password. On his insta, all his followers are girls (less than 100) and majority of the people he follows are girls (around 250). While he has blocked almost all guts on my insta and blocks any guy who texts me on insta who isn't my colleague and asked me to block my cousin brother I am close with.
Are these reasons enough to leave someone? Recently he mentioned marriage and all this while I had kind of wanted that things will get fixed. But day in and out I think of that day and it feels like what happened was wrong. I did give my consent but I feel like it was better to tell him to leave and I should have just ended things then. Because he gave me an ultimatum over sex. I was below his stubbornness and ego. It has been over a year and I still think of that day.
I have tried to make it work so far because I became really attached and liked him a lot. He's loyal, sweet and a regular communicator otherwise. We had a habit of sleeping on calls and I really liked such a tender side of him. I don't think I will be able to find a decent guy. If we breakup I will probably end up alone for life.
Please be kind in comments. One thing I am absolutely shameful about is the sex. I wanted to be intimate with someone I would settle down in the future. And that's why leaving him feels so painful. I feel used and sort of not good enough in case I meet someone else.
2024.05.16 18:49 Invisible242000 Have you ever got humiliated for a love confession?
I just remembered one of the most embarrassing times of my life that if I could go back in time, I would stop myself.
I was used to be bullied in my primary school for the whole 6 years I have spent there. I still am processing most of those years and putting my self esteem back together. But this one incident just comes back from time to time to haunt me.
I was like 10 or 11 years old, you know the age when kids starts to have little crushes. That first crush, yeah. I was known to be the "fat" girl in school. (Later realised I was chubby and thick boned but still got bullied)
I had this crush at a boy one year below my grade, he was actually awful to me, and we went to tennis lessons after classes in the same group. But for some strange and stupid reason I was gooshing over this guy, and Valentines day was approaching in school.
This was actually one of the first ever occasion that the whole school took it seriously by introducing the Secret Crush letter service.
The point is, you had to write a love poem by yourself, put it in an envelope and with name and Grade given on the front, put it in a box.
I don't know why I did it, I was stupid and should have known that I shouldn't have done it as its just causing me problems in the long run.
One of my classmates who was bullying me here and there asked who did I write the letter for as she noticed me putting a letter into the box. I was reluctant to answer and here is where I made my mistake.
She pressured me saying "she won't tell..." Kids will be kids, so innocent. I told her, who it was and in 10 minutes the whole school knew.
The boy I had a crush on came to the classroom, had such a disgusted face saying he doesn't want a poem from me, and that I am gross. My classmates made jokes about it the whole day, and he was joining in the mockery, even laughing his arse off.
Needless to say my crush faded instantly and exchanged with hatred. The next day when he received the letter,, he didn't came to the classroom, not even after, people kept mocking me the entire month but then found something else to mock me about and forgot about it.
My past is a big part of who I became now sadly, but I can say I made progress on my life for the better. I am soon to be married (not to the guy who I wrote the poem to) to the love of my life and I can't wait to see what my future holds. I think if I was much stronger back then, I would have been able to stand up to my bullies, but I don't blame anyone anymore. Kids will be kids, some grew out of their manners, and some won't.
Thank you for reading this post, if you had similar encounters, I send you a big hug and my condolences. Keep your chins up babies!
Btw my wedding is on 11th of July this year! Wish me good luck! ❤️❤️❤️
submitted by Invisible242000 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
I was used to be bullied in my primary school for the whole 6 years I have spent there. I still am processing most of those years and putting my self esteem back together. But this one incident just comes back from time to time to haunt me.
I was like 10 or 11 years old, you know the age when kids starts to have little crushes. That first crush, yeah. I was known to be the "fat" girl in school. (Later realised I was chubby and thick boned but still got bullied)
I had this crush at a boy one year below my grade, he was actually awful to me, and we went to tennis lessons after classes in the same group. But for some strange and stupid reason I was gooshing over this guy, and Valentines day was approaching in school.
This was actually one of the first ever occasion that the whole school took it seriously by introducing the Secret Crush letter service.
The point is, you had to write a love poem by yourself, put it in an envelope and with name and Grade given on the front, put it in a box.
I don't know why I did it, I was stupid and should have known that I shouldn't have done it as its just causing me problems in the long run.
One of my classmates who was bullying me here and there asked who did I write the letter for as she noticed me putting a letter into the box. I was reluctant to answer and here is where I made my mistake.
She pressured me saying "she won't tell..." Kids will be kids, so innocent. I told her, who it was and in 10 minutes the whole school knew.
The boy I had a crush on came to the classroom, had such a disgusted face saying he doesn't want a poem from me, and that I am gross. My classmates made jokes about it the whole day, and he was joining in the mockery, even laughing his arse off.
Needless to say my crush faded instantly and exchanged with hatred. The next day when he received the letter,, he didn't came to the classroom, not even after, people kept mocking me the entire month but then found something else to mock me about and forgot about it.
My past is a big part of who I became now sadly, but I can say I made progress on my life for the better. I am soon to be married (not to the guy who I wrote the poem to) to the love of my life and I can't wait to see what my future holds. I think if I was much stronger back then, I would have been able to stand up to my bullies, but I don't blame anyone anymore. Kids will be kids, some grew out of their manners, and some won't.
Thank you for reading this post, if you had similar encounters, I send you a big hug and my condolences. Keep your chins up babies!
Btw my wedding is on 11th of July this year! Wish me good luck! ❤️❤️❤️
2024.05.16 03:00 ZeroCentsMade He Walks in Eternity – 4th Doctor Character Retropsective
This post is part of a series of reviews. To see them all, click here.
Seven season Tom Baker stuck around to play the Doctor. Seven seasons of one man having the lions' share of dialogue, screen time, and press coverage on Doctor Who. Seven seasons of the same face (well, more or less) in the opening titles. That's a lot to try and cover coherently. And because of how I write these posts after watching through the show in order, it makes it a bit difficult to think all the way back to where we began.
But I may as well make the effort so…where to begin? Well, starting back when Barry Letts was originally conceiving of the 4th Doctor, the first word that was written to describe the personality of the new Doctor was "eccentric". That's a word with a pretty broad definition, but with some specific connotations. When you think of "an eccentric", you're imagining a specific type of man, which Tom Baker immediately inhabits from the moment he steps in as the Doctor in Robot.
And it serves him well. From a plot sense, the 4th Doctor tends to come at problems from a rather unusual angle. Again, you can go back to Robot and see how he fights the titular robot, compared to the head-on way his predecessor would have done. And really, the whole concept of the Doctor as, not just a brilliant strategic thinker, or even a subtle manipulator like the 2nd Doctor could be, but as an unconventional thinker really originates with number four.
Similarly you can see a lot of the 4th Doctor's humor popping up in future incarnations. Tom Baker had a way of delivering sardonic lines like they were an inside joke between himself and the audience. While I don't think anyone else quite captures that, I still see a lot more of the 4th Doctor's kind of humor than earlier incarnations' popping up later on. But, at least early on, the humor always had an edge to it. Like the Doctor wasn't so much making jokes as he was making cynical observations in a jokey tone.
But the big innovation of the 4th Doctor era, as relates to the character of the lead, was the willingness of the writers to let the Doctor make mistakes. The most obvious example comes towards the end of the Hinchcliffe era, when we find out the Doctor accidentally gave a computer schizophrenia earlier in that incarnation, causing the events of The Face of Evil. But the Doctor occasionally slipping up, making sensible, but ultimately incorrect deductions or just choosing a poor tactic was all over the Hinchcliffe era. The earliest obvious example is probably choosing not to blow up the Dalek incubation chamber in Genesis of the Daleks, letting his desire to not make that choice override his more logical brain and trick him into believing that Gharman has Davros beat.
While it's not like the first three Doctors were never wrong. They were all, in their own way, quite frequently insensitive, but the show generally liked it's protagonist to be in the right, especially when it came to his deductions or strategies. After roughly the midpoint of Season 1, the Doctor had almost always never made a serious blunder. But by making the Doctor more fallible, the 4th Doctor era creates more tension. One of the reasons that building a horror era under Hinchcliffe works (despite my own personal tastes clashing with it) is that there is a greater sense of tension because the Doctor is allowed to make mistakes.
But not everything about the 4th Doctor is new. In particular in the early years he seems to have inherited the 3rd Doctor's general distaste for dealing with humans in authority. It's not as universal as the 3rd Doctor's general grumpiness towards anyone with a title, but it does stick out. At a few points, such as in The Seeds of Doom, the Doctor becomes some frustrated with the people he's working with he has to have Sarah Jane speak for him.
That only serves to accentuate a performance that feels decidedly inhuman, and in a good way. During the Hinchcliffe era, Tom Baker typically kept his performance energetic, yet understated. It kept him feeling unpredictable and more than a little unreliable. In Pyramids of Mars, Sarah Jane loses patience with the Doctor for a moment due to his seemingly callous behavior. It's of course then revealed that the Doctor does care, he's just focused on other things and bad at showing it. These ideas have been somewhat present in the Doctor's characterization for a while, but with the fourth Doctor they're taken up another level.
And it's worth pointing out that a lot of the time the "eccentric" characterization felt more like a mask than the real Doctor. Sometimes his frustrations would come out (for instance Planet of Evil) or his empathy would shine through in spite of himself (eg Pyramids of Mars) and it reveals that he's not quite as completely unlike us as he might like us to believe. The bravado, and the offhand remarks and the strange grins, they seem to all be there to mask fear, or affection or anger.
And then, everything changes. Not immediately of course, but during the Graham Williams era Tom Baker's performance becomes more…indulgent. It's not bad, but a lot of the subtlety of his earlier performances is lost in favor of going bigger and more over the top in many ways. Tom Baker's deep voice, already a notable feature of his performance from the beginning, starts being really emphasized. Again, we're not dealing with a performance that gets bad, just one that loses some its subtlety and edge. And in fairness, with the Williams era at the very least trying to play things a bit lighter, it makes sense that Baker's performance would get a bit broader.
But the result is that the performance also gets a bit lazier. I think at some point around Season 16, Tom Baker realized he didn't have to work hard to do a compelling performance as the Doctor. He was kind of already naturally doing it. This left Tom Baker time to focus on other things…but we'll get to that. During Season 17, there's a bit less slacking off, because he had less distractions. But then in his final season, Tom Baker is once again putting in less effort. And there's good reasons for that. His relationship with Lalla Ward was getting very messy. He was dealing with an illness during the filming of the E-Space trilogy. And he didn't like new co-star Matthew Waterhouse. Still Season 18 is where you get the sense that Baker's been in the role too long, although I do wonder if, without all the behind the scenes drama and the illness, that might not have been the case.
Of course it's not like Tom Baker was blameless for behind the scenes drama. In fact it's probably fair to say he caused a lot of it. Tom Baker was, from very early on, an incredibly difficult presence behind the scenes at on set. The first time I saw reference to it was during Terror of the Zygons, where Nicholas Courtney felt that Baker was abrasive and not taking criticism well. From that point on, Baker's attitude issues seemed to increase. Directors in particular often got the wrong end of the stick, first seen in Pyramids of Mars when Paddy Russell (herself the kind of creative person who always liked to get her own way) and Tom Baker clashed over the filming of a few scenes. And then there's what happened to Louise Jameson, who played Leela, where Baker just treated her very badly during their first season together. Eventually, Jameson stood up for herself and the two developed a functional working relationship during Season 15, but when Jameson still felt the need to warn her successor, Mary Tamm, about Baker.
But on the same note I do think it's important to acknowledge a few things. First of all, Tom Baker went from being a virtual unknown to being the star of a very popular science fiction series. That would have a tremendous effect on anybody. To hear Baker himself tell it, Doctor Who essentially became the central feature of his life while he was working on the show. A lot (in fact, I think all) of the stories of Baker being difficult revolve around his desire for more control over the show, and seen through that lens, it kind of makes sense why. For another thing, it's not like every single director or co-star had a difficult relationship with Baker. Elizabeth Sladen and Ian Marter got along with Baker perfectly well. Mary Tamm did stand up for herself from the beginning and never had any major issues with Baker. And of course there are several directors who managed to work with Baker without issue. Tom Baker was difficult to work with, yes, but far from impossible and anyone at the time would have told you that what he gave to the show was worth the trouble.
In the past for these posts I've always spent at least a little time talking about the Doctor's relationships with his companions. For the 4th Doctor, so this doesn't turn into a six paragraph section on companions, I'll just make a general observation here: the 4th Doctor frequently ended up in the role of tutor or mentor. It starts, of course, with Leela, and while the idea of the Doctor teaching Leela to be a more intellectual version of herself never played out to the extent some might have hoped, it's still a pretty consistent part of their relationship. And then the dynamic is flipped with Romana, who the Doctor has to teach to be more instinctive and intuitive. Actually the Romana and Leela comparison tells us a lot about the Doctor: he doesn't actually value one form of knowledge above the other. Leela needs to learn science and civilization because those are the gaps in her knowledge. Romana needs to learn intuition and practical abilities because those are the gaps in her knowledge, and the Doctor largely treats the job of teaching his companions these things the same way.
Towards the end of his tenure, the Doctor picks up one more student: Adric. What Adric needs to be taught is a bit different than the others. He's already an intellectual powerhouse – he's got a badge for mathematical excellence and everything. And he's not short of practical experience. What he lacks is a kind of empathy. Now Adric isn't entirely unempathetic, but he's a sullen teenager a lot of the time. Sometimes he just doesn't care very much for others. You can see the Doctor trying to get Adric to consider more clearly the consequences of his actions, or realize that, as intelligent as he is, there are just things he won't know.
Of course none of this applies to Sarah Jane or Harry (or K-9, but there's not much to talk about there). The Doctor's relationship with Harry was mostly just Harry ending up as the butt of the Doctor's jokes and Harry being confused. As for Sarah Jane, well that's another story. Honestly, I don't think this was necessarily explored as much as it could have been. The two seemed to have a weird relationship where they'd antagonize each other, only to come back together. At the end of Hand of Fear Sarah Jane makes a big scene of wanting to leave the TARDIS, only to protest when the Doctor actually throws her off, and it reads like, up to that point, that had just been part of their friendship. That Sarah Jane would blow off the steam from her adventures (like being mind controlled for the 17 millionth time) by complaining at the Doctor and declaring she'd leave, only to stick around in the end.
Which is, I guess, what you do when your traveling companion is as unpredictable and eccentric as the 4th Doctor. Tom Baker's iteration of the Doctor isn't my favorite, but it's undeniable he redefined the part, to the point that the 4th Doctor is this clear dividing point in how the character is written. As one final example, before the 4th Doctor era, a defining part of the Doctor's character was that he was a capital "S" Scientist. But in the 4th Doctor era, that fades. He's still a scientific genius, but the characterization shifts from Scientist to enthusiastic amateur who happens to know more than the professionals. And that idea of the Doctor, as a traveling dilettante who somehow is smarter than everything around him, while it's been there from very early on, really takes shape in this era.
Tom Baker's performance is entirely unique, his very particular voice, his odd, often out of place facial expressions that seem to indicate the opposite of what they should, and occasional outbursts that reveal the real Doctor, I don't think you can point at anyone else that's ever done it remotely like him. And I don't think anyone could. There were a lot of factors that led to 4th Doctor becoming the most popular and beloved Doctor of the classic era, possibly even of the show itself. The timing was right as the show expanded into new markets. The fact that the beginning of his time on the show coincided with a run of very popular stories can't have hurt. But Tom Baker was always the main reason the 4th Doctor worked.
Robot: Tom Baker's first story as the Doctor does a remarkably good job setting up how the 4th Doctor is going to operate going forwards. Though perhaps lacking in the subtleties that the 4th Doctor would develop through the rest of the Huinchcliffe era, Baker's oddly captivating performance is there right from the word go. He's a bit goofy from the regeneration, but nonetheless finds himself having a quiet moment at the end of the story with Sarah Jane.
Genesis of the Daleks: The Doctor is sent back in time to avert the creation of the Daleks and he…just…can't…do it. That scene of the Doctor holding two wires next to each other, unable to touch them together and just win is probably Tom Baker's first genuinely great performance as the Doctor. His relief at seemingly being relieved of that responsibility as palpable. And his final scene as he Harry and Sarah Jane travel back to the Nerva with the Time Ring, offering up one last bit of hope in spite of how badly things seem to have gone firmly establishes the optimistic nature of the character first introduced earlier in Ark in Space.
Pyramids of Mars: The Doctor's sometimes seemingly callous nature is revealed to be more of a mask than the reality of the character. He's got more serious things on his mind than the death of one man…but that doesn't mean he doesn't care for the death of that man.
The Deadly Assassin: The Doctor is on his own for the first time in this incarnation, and finds himself battling against his old enemy the Master. Caught up in Gallifreyan politics the Doctor suddenly feels small on the backdrop of greater schemes. Though he does still manage to sort of get himself elected as president which I'm sure will have no effect in the future…
The Face of Evil: The Doctor is forced to confront a serious error he made a long time ago. What he did to Xoannon, a computer developing sentience, and the way that that mistake ended up hurting the people of the planet he's landed has far reaching consequences which he's forced to help undo. He also makes a new friend…sort of accidentally.
Horror of Fang Rock: And things were going so well with Leela. While the primary confrontation with a Rutan is engaging, for my purposes here, what I'm interested in is the relationship between Leela and the Doctor. It starts out well, with the two working as a great team. And then Leela takes things too far, drawing the ire of the Doctor in a way that we hadn't necessarily seen before. It doesn't ultimately go anywhere, but it's very telling as moment all the same.
The Invasion of Time: The Doctor decides he'd like to be president. It's a ruse, or course, because the Doctor would never actually want to be president, but seeing him play the villain for a few episodes is quite intriguing. The story has some major issues, but seeing the Doctor play a bit more of the strategist and playing a bit more of a long game in this story is still fun.
The Ribos Operation: After Leela's departure, the Doctor finds himself with a new and completely different kind of companion to take under his wing. Having to show Romana that she can't always trust someone because they have an "honest face", beginning to show her to think more practically, this all shows a different kind of teachestudent relationship from the one we saw with Leela. Also the respectful yet frustrated way he deals with the White Guardian is fun.
Shada: Kind of odd to to include a story that was never actually completed as a "key" story here, but I think this has the best representation of the Doctor during this era. More relaxed, and largely just out having fun with his best friend Romana, the Doctor during this story still shows his sense of duty when Chronotis has messed up. His odd musing at the end of the story about what future people might think of him is a nice capstone to the era.
Logopolis: So much is going on in this one. This story has the perfect blend of all of the various ways in which the 4th Doctor has been characterized throughout his tenure. Teaching Adric about new kinds of science and responsibility, taking aboard Tegan and Nyssa in spite of difficulties, but still having a go at all three of them at one point. And then there's his alliance with the Master at the end, which proves his downfall. There's even a bit of that fallibility coming through when he mistakes the Master's initial goals.
Doctor Era Rankings
These are based on weighted averages that take into account the length of each story. Take this ranking with a grain of salt however. No average can properly reflect a full era's quality and nuance, and the scores for each story are, ultimately, highly subjective and a bit arbitrary.
Next Time: Well there's a new Doctor in town and he's feeling out of sorts. Let's bring him to a nice medieval castle where the rooms keep repeating. That should make him feel better.
submitted by ZeroCentsMade to gallifrey [link] [comments]
Character Information
- Actor: Tom Baker
- Tenure (as a regular character): S12E01-S18E28 (178 total episodes, 42 total stories)
- Companions: Sarah Jane (Elizabeth Sladen, S12E01-S14E08), Harry (Ian Marter, S12E01-S13E04, S13E16), Leela (Louise Jameson, S14E13-S15E26), K-9 (V/As: John Leeson, Roy Skelton, David Brierley, S15E06-S18E20), Romana I (Mary Tamm, S16), Romana II (Lalla Ward, S17E01-S18E20), Adric (Matthew Waterhouse, S18E09-28), Nyssa (Sarah Sutton, S18E21-28), Tegan (Janet Fielding, S18E25-28)
- UNIT: The Brigadier (Nicholas Courtney, S12E01-04, S13E01-04), Benton (John Levene, S12E01-04, S13E01-04, S13E16)
- Other Notable Characters: The Decayed Master (Peter Pratt – S14E09-12, Geoffrey Beevers – S18E21-24), Borusa (Angus MacKay – S14E09-12, John Arnatt – S15E21-26), The White Guardian (Cyril Luckham, S16E01), The Black Guardian (Valentine Dyall, S16E26), The Tremas Master (Anthony Ainley, S18E24-28)
Retrospective
Seven seasons.Seven season Tom Baker stuck around to play the Doctor. Seven seasons of one man having the lions' share of dialogue, screen time, and press coverage on Doctor Who. Seven seasons of the same face (well, more or less) in the opening titles. That's a lot to try and cover coherently. And because of how I write these posts after watching through the show in order, it makes it a bit difficult to think all the way back to where we began.
But I may as well make the effort so…where to begin? Well, starting back when Barry Letts was originally conceiving of the 4th Doctor, the first word that was written to describe the personality of the new Doctor was "eccentric". That's a word with a pretty broad definition, but with some specific connotations. When you think of "an eccentric", you're imagining a specific type of man, which Tom Baker immediately inhabits from the moment he steps in as the Doctor in Robot.
And it serves him well. From a plot sense, the 4th Doctor tends to come at problems from a rather unusual angle. Again, you can go back to Robot and see how he fights the titular robot, compared to the head-on way his predecessor would have done. And really, the whole concept of the Doctor as, not just a brilliant strategic thinker, or even a subtle manipulator like the 2nd Doctor could be, but as an unconventional thinker really originates with number four.
Similarly you can see a lot of the 4th Doctor's humor popping up in future incarnations. Tom Baker had a way of delivering sardonic lines like they were an inside joke between himself and the audience. While I don't think anyone else quite captures that, I still see a lot more of the 4th Doctor's kind of humor than earlier incarnations' popping up later on. But, at least early on, the humor always had an edge to it. Like the Doctor wasn't so much making jokes as he was making cynical observations in a jokey tone.
But the big innovation of the 4th Doctor era, as relates to the character of the lead, was the willingness of the writers to let the Doctor make mistakes. The most obvious example comes towards the end of the Hinchcliffe era, when we find out the Doctor accidentally gave a computer schizophrenia earlier in that incarnation, causing the events of The Face of Evil. But the Doctor occasionally slipping up, making sensible, but ultimately incorrect deductions or just choosing a poor tactic was all over the Hinchcliffe era. The earliest obvious example is probably choosing not to blow up the Dalek incubation chamber in Genesis of the Daleks, letting his desire to not make that choice override his more logical brain and trick him into believing that Gharman has Davros beat.
While it's not like the first three Doctors were never wrong. They were all, in their own way, quite frequently insensitive, but the show generally liked it's protagonist to be in the right, especially when it came to his deductions or strategies. After roughly the midpoint of Season 1, the Doctor had almost always never made a serious blunder. But by making the Doctor more fallible, the 4th Doctor era creates more tension. One of the reasons that building a horror era under Hinchcliffe works (despite my own personal tastes clashing with it) is that there is a greater sense of tension because the Doctor is allowed to make mistakes.
But not everything about the 4th Doctor is new. In particular in the early years he seems to have inherited the 3rd Doctor's general distaste for dealing with humans in authority. It's not as universal as the 3rd Doctor's general grumpiness towards anyone with a title, but it does stick out. At a few points, such as in The Seeds of Doom, the Doctor becomes some frustrated with the people he's working with he has to have Sarah Jane speak for him.
That only serves to accentuate a performance that feels decidedly inhuman, and in a good way. During the Hinchcliffe era, Tom Baker typically kept his performance energetic, yet understated. It kept him feeling unpredictable and more than a little unreliable. In Pyramids of Mars, Sarah Jane loses patience with the Doctor for a moment due to his seemingly callous behavior. It's of course then revealed that the Doctor does care, he's just focused on other things and bad at showing it. These ideas have been somewhat present in the Doctor's characterization for a while, but with the fourth Doctor they're taken up another level.
And it's worth pointing out that a lot of the time the "eccentric" characterization felt more like a mask than the real Doctor. Sometimes his frustrations would come out (for instance Planet of Evil) or his empathy would shine through in spite of himself (eg Pyramids of Mars) and it reveals that he's not quite as completely unlike us as he might like us to believe. The bravado, and the offhand remarks and the strange grins, they seem to all be there to mask fear, or affection or anger.
And then, everything changes. Not immediately of course, but during the Graham Williams era Tom Baker's performance becomes more…indulgent. It's not bad, but a lot of the subtlety of his earlier performances is lost in favor of going bigger and more over the top in many ways. Tom Baker's deep voice, already a notable feature of his performance from the beginning, starts being really emphasized. Again, we're not dealing with a performance that gets bad, just one that loses some its subtlety and edge. And in fairness, with the Williams era at the very least trying to play things a bit lighter, it makes sense that Baker's performance would get a bit broader.
But the result is that the performance also gets a bit lazier. I think at some point around Season 16, Tom Baker realized he didn't have to work hard to do a compelling performance as the Doctor. He was kind of already naturally doing it. This left Tom Baker time to focus on other things…but we'll get to that. During Season 17, there's a bit less slacking off, because he had less distractions. But then in his final season, Tom Baker is once again putting in less effort. And there's good reasons for that. His relationship with Lalla Ward was getting very messy. He was dealing with an illness during the filming of the E-Space trilogy. And he didn't like new co-star Matthew Waterhouse. Still Season 18 is where you get the sense that Baker's been in the role too long, although I do wonder if, without all the behind the scenes drama and the illness, that might not have been the case.
Of course it's not like Tom Baker was blameless for behind the scenes drama. In fact it's probably fair to say he caused a lot of it. Tom Baker was, from very early on, an incredibly difficult presence behind the scenes at on set. The first time I saw reference to it was during Terror of the Zygons, where Nicholas Courtney felt that Baker was abrasive and not taking criticism well. From that point on, Baker's attitude issues seemed to increase. Directors in particular often got the wrong end of the stick, first seen in Pyramids of Mars when Paddy Russell (herself the kind of creative person who always liked to get her own way) and Tom Baker clashed over the filming of a few scenes. And then there's what happened to Louise Jameson, who played Leela, where Baker just treated her very badly during their first season together. Eventually, Jameson stood up for herself and the two developed a functional working relationship during Season 15, but when Jameson still felt the need to warn her successor, Mary Tamm, about Baker.
But on the same note I do think it's important to acknowledge a few things. First of all, Tom Baker went from being a virtual unknown to being the star of a very popular science fiction series. That would have a tremendous effect on anybody. To hear Baker himself tell it, Doctor Who essentially became the central feature of his life while he was working on the show. A lot (in fact, I think all) of the stories of Baker being difficult revolve around his desire for more control over the show, and seen through that lens, it kind of makes sense why. For another thing, it's not like every single director or co-star had a difficult relationship with Baker. Elizabeth Sladen and Ian Marter got along with Baker perfectly well. Mary Tamm did stand up for herself from the beginning and never had any major issues with Baker. And of course there are several directors who managed to work with Baker without issue. Tom Baker was difficult to work with, yes, but far from impossible and anyone at the time would have told you that what he gave to the show was worth the trouble.
In the past for these posts I've always spent at least a little time talking about the Doctor's relationships with his companions. For the 4th Doctor, so this doesn't turn into a six paragraph section on companions, I'll just make a general observation here: the 4th Doctor frequently ended up in the role of tutor or mentor. It starts, of course, with Leela, and while the idea of the Doctor teaching Leela to be a more intellectual version of herself never played out to the extent some might have hoped, it's still a pretty consistent part of their relationship. And then the dynamic is flipped with Romana, who the Doctor has to teach to be more instinctive and intuitive. Actually the Romana and Leela comparison tells us a lot about the Doctor: he doesn't actually value one form of knowledge above the other. Leela needs to learn science and civilization because those are the gaps in her knowledge. Romana needs to learn intuition and practical abilities because those are the gaps in her knowledge, and the Doctor largely treats the job of teaching his companions these things the same way.
Towards the end of his tenure, the Doctor picks up one more student: Adric. What Adric needs to be taught is a bit different than the others. He's already an intellectual powerhouse – he's got a badge for mathematical excellence and everything. And he's not short of practical experience. What he lacks is a kind of empathy. Now Adric isn't entirely unempathetic, but he's a sullen teenager a lot of the time. Sometimes he just doesn't care very much for others. You can see the Doctor trying to get Adric to consider more clearly the consequences of his actions, or realize that, as intelligent as he is, there are just things he won't know.
Of course none of this applies to Sarah Jane or Harry (or K-9, but there's not much to talk about there). The Doctor's relationship with Harry was mostly just Harry ending up as the butt of the Doctor's jokes and Harry being confused. As for Sarah Jane, well that's another story. Honestly, I don't think this was necessarily explored as much as it could have been. The two seemed to have a weird relationship where they'd antagonize each other, only to come back together. At the end of Hand of Fear Sarah Jane makes a big scene of wanting to leave the TARDIS, only to protest when the Doctor actually throws her off, and it reads like, up to that point, that had just been part of their friendship. That Sarah Jane would blow off the steam from her adventures (like being mind controlled for the 17 millionth time) by complaining at the Doctor and declaring she'd leave, only to stick around in the end.
Which is, I guess, what you do when your traveling companion is as unpredictable and eccentric as the 4th Doctor. Tom Baker's iteration of the Doctor isn't my favorite, but it's undeniable he redefined the part, to the point that the 4th Doctor is this clear dividing point in how the character is written. As one final example, before the 4th Doctor era, a defining part of the Doctor's character was that he was a capital "S" Scientist. But in the 4th Doctor era, that fades. He's still a scientific genius, but the characterization shifts from Scientist to enthusiastic amateur who happens to know more than the professionals. And that idea of the Doctor, as a traveling dilettante who somehow is smarter than everything around him, while it's been there from very early on, really takes shape in this era.
Tom Baker's performance is entirely unique, his very particular voice, his odd, often out of place facial expressions that seem to indicate the opposite of what they should, and occasional outbursts that reveal the real Doctor, I don't think you can point at anyone else that's ever done it remotely like him. And I don't think anyone could. There were a lot of factors that led to 4th Doctor becoming the most popular and beloved Doctor of the classic era, possibly even of the show itself. The timing was right as the show expanded into new markets. The fact that the beginning of his time on the show coincided with a run of very popular stories can't have hurt. But Tom Baker was always the main reason the 4th Doctor worked.
10 Key Stories
10 key stories for the character, listed in chronological orderRobot: Tom Baker's first story as the Doctor does a remarkably good job setting up how the 4th Doctor is going to operate going forwards. Though perhaps lacking in the subtleties that the 4th Doctor would develop through the rest of the Huinchcliffe era, Baker's oddly captivating performance is there right from the word go. He's a bit goofy from the regeneration, but nonetheless finds himself having a quiet moment at the end of the story with Sarah Jane.
Genesis of the Daleks: The Doctor is sent back in time to avert the creation of the Daleks and he…just…can't…do it. That scene of the Doctor holding two wires next to each other, unable to touch them together and just win is probably Tom Baker's first genuinely great performance as the Doctor. His relief at seemingly being relieved of that responsibility as palpable. And his final scene as he Harry and Sarah Jane travel back to the Nerva with the Time Ring, offering up one last bit of hope in spite of how badly things seem to have gone firmly establishes the optimistic nature of the character first introduced earlier in Ark in Space.
Pyramids of Mars: The Doctor's sometimes seemingly callous nature is revealed to be more of a mask than the reality of the character. He's got more serious things on his mind than the death of one man…but that doesn't mean he doesn't care for the death of that man.
The Deadly Assassin: The Doctor is on his own for the first time in this incarnation, and finds himself battling against his old enemy the Master. Caught up in Gallifreyan politics the Doctor suddenly feels small on the backdrop of greater schemes. Though he does still manage to sort of get himself elected as president which I'm sure will have no effect in the future…
The Face of Evil: The Doctor is forced to confront a serious error he made a long time ago. What he did to Xoannon, a computer developing sentience, and the way that that mistake ended up hurting the people of the planet he's landed has far reaching consequences which he's forced to help undo. He also makes a new friend…sort of accidentally.
Horror of Fang Rock: And things were going so well with Leela. While the primary confrontation with a Rutan is engaging, for my purposes here, what I'm interested in is the relationship between Leela and the Doctor. It starts out well, with the two working as a great team. And then Leela takes things too far, drawing the ire of the Doctor in a way that we hadn't necessarily seen before. It doesn't ultimately go anywhere, but it's very telling as moment all the same.
The Invasion of Time: The Doctor decides he'd like to be president. It's a ruse, or course, because the Doctor would never actually want to be president, but seeing him play the villain for a few episodes is quite intriguing. The story has some major issues, but seeing the Doctor play a bit more of the strategist and playing a bit more of a long game in this story is still fun.
The Ribos Operation: After Leela's departure, the Doctor finds himself with a new and completely different kind of companion to take under his wing. Having to show Romana that she can't always trust someone because they have an "honest face", beginning to show her to think more practically, this all shows a different kind of teachestudent relationship from the one we saw with Leela. Also the respectful yet frustrated way he deals with the White Guardian is fun.
Shada: Kind of odd to to include a story that was never actually completed as a "key" story here, but I think this has the best representation of the Doctor during this era. More relaxed, and largely just out having fun with his best friend Romana, the Doctor during this story still shows his sense of duty when Chronotis has messed up. His odd musing at the end of the story about what future people might think of him is a nice capstone to the era.
Logopolis: So much is going on in this one. This story has the perfect blend of all of the various ways in which the 4th Doctor has been characterized throughout his tenure. Teaching Adric about new kinds of science and responsibility, taking aboard Tegan and Nyssa in spite of difficulties, but still having a go at all three of them at one point. And then there's his alliance with the Master at the end, which proves his downfall. There's even a bit of that fallibility coming through when he mistakes the Master's initial goals.
Rankings
- City of Death (10/10)
- The Brain of Morbius (10/10)
- Horror of Fang Rock (9/10)
- Genesis of the Daleks (9/10)
- The Face of Evil (8/10)
- State of Decay (8/10)
- The Robots of Death (8/10)
- The Ribos Operation (8/10)
- Warriors' Gate (8/10)
- The Pirate Planet (8/10)
- Terror of the Zygons (7/10)
- The Leisure Hive
- The Stones of Blood (7/10)
- The Ark in Space (7/10)
- Shada (7/10)
- Image of the Fendahl (7/10)
- Underworld (7/10)
- The Keeper of Traken (7/10)
- Logopolis (7/10)
- The Seeds of Doom (7/10)
- Full Circle (7/10)
- The Talons of Weng-Chiang (6/10)
- The Hand of Fear (6/10)
- The Sontaran Experiment (6/10)
- The Sun Makers (6/10)
- Destiny of the Daleks (6/10)
- The Androids of Tara (6/10)
- The Deadly Assassin (5/10)
- Pyramids of Mars (5/10)
- Robot (5/10)
- The Invasion of Time (5/10)
- Nightmare of Eden (5/10)
- The Masque of Mandragora (4/10)
- Planet of Evil (4/10)
- The Creature from the Pit (4/10)
- The Armageddon Factor (3/10)
- The Power of Kroll (3/10)
- Revenge of the Cybermen (3/10)
- The Android Invasion (3/10)
- The Invisible Enemy (2/10)
- The Horns of Nimon (2/10)
- Meglos (1/10)
Doctor Era Rankings
These are based on weighted averages that take into account the length of each story. Take this ranking with a grain of salt however. No average can properly reflect a full era's quality and nuance, and the scores for each story are, ultimately, highly subjective and a bit arbitrary.
- 3rd Doctor Era (6.8/10)
- 2nd Doctor Era (6.5/10)
- 4th Doctor Era (6.0/10)
- 1st Doctor Era (6.0/10)
Next Time: Well there's a new Doctor in town and he's feeling out of sorts. Let's bring him to a nice medieval castle where the rooms keep repeating. That should make him feel better.
2024.05.15 06:00 Direct-Caterpillar77 None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nocontact4you
None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me.
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Poems
Thanks to u/lolfuckno for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, cancer, ableism, bullying, abandonment, emotional abuse of a child, verbal abuse, neglect, lies, mentions of miscarriage
MOOD SPOILER: Depressing
Original Post Feb 4, 2024
Firstly, I’m okay, physically anyway.
Honestly, I have no idea who this is for, but I think I just need it out of my head.
The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that. Only one of my brothers has gotten drunk enough to tell me to my face that he resents me for existing, but I know it exists within all of them, at least in some way. Im much younger than all my siblings, and there was so much that happened out of our hands that I made excuses, but my whole life, I’ve never quite felt “part of the family”.
As a child, I told myself we’d make up for lost time once I got older and we could talk as equals. Now, at 23, I see glimpses of the life I wished I’d have, but in the end, I’m always too much trouble to involve. I hear EVERYTHING from my father. I had to find out my niece was in a car accident from him; I had to find out my other niece had a miscarriage from him; I had to find out my oldest brother had a BRAIN TUMOR haphazardly on a phone call with my father, which he didn’t even know I was unaware of.
I’ve known for a while I’m the only one trying, but for the sake of my dreams, I’ve given every opportunity for them to let me in, but I just can’t do it anymore.
I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD. He is the single greatest thing to happen to me. Not only did he save my life from myself, but he has made life livable. He can tell when I’m panicking and he knows pressure therapy to help me through an attack. He stops me from hurting myself in meltdowns, sits with me until the only noise I can hear anymore is his snoring on my lap. He allows me to go grocery shopping by myself. He is my soulmate, and anyone who knows me knows how important he is to me.
My dating life isn’t thriving, so I took a shot in the dark and asked my niece if she minded if I brought my service dog as my plus one for her wedding at the end of this month. I have to fly across the country to go, so I will be bringing him anyway since I cannot fly alone. I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if he could not have to stay in the hotel all night. I do not technically need him for the event, since I’ll know every guest and I will be drinking pretty heavily to cope, but getting to spoil him with a bow-tie, dancing, and STEAK, sounded like the perfect reward for helping me on my flight. Several times, I emphasized that I understood it was an odd request and she could say no if she wanted.
She was EMPHATIC that he could come! She said even if I found a date, he could come! I was elated! For once, I felt seen, I felt cared about, I felt valued. And then I got a call from my dad. No one wanted to make things awkward, but the mother of the bride was NOT okay with a dog being at the venue. I explained that he is a trained service animal and will not impede the ceremony in anyway, and I’d of course remove him if he did. Still, he said they didn’t like it. I was so tired of hearing everyone else’s words through my father. He won’t be around forever and sooner or later, they will have to start talking to me
I had one request: let the bride tell me. When I asked her, she said yes, and until she told me she changed her mind, I was under the assumption he could go. Well, I never heard back. My dad kept dropping hints when i’d call him, but I told him what my expectations were. When I RSVP’d, I put my dog as my plus one on the response to let them know I wasn’t backing down this time. At this point, I didn’t even care if she said he couldn’t go. I just wanted to hear it from her.
The next morning, I woke up to an EMAIL from my father. Not even a text, a fucking email explaining that my niece didn’t want to be the bad guy, but my dog was NOT welcome at the wedding. He said he was sorry, but he could still come with me to the hotel if I wanted.
Something inside me broke, I think. I think I realized this is truly a helpless case. They are never going to respect me the way I crave them to. To this day, not one of our conversations has been started by them. I always initiate, and now, the one time I request a direct contact, I get an email.
Family means everything to me. Over the last few years, i’ve redefined what a family can be, and if right now, my family needs to be a very damaged orphan and their service animal, I’m grateful I have that much.
So, I’m going to the wedding, and then I’m never going to talk to any of them again.
And the sad part is, I didn’t even think they’re going to notice.
Update:
First, thank you to everyone for the kind words, and all the advice. It sincerely means so much that so many people care. I want to address all the questions about why I want to go to this wedding at all. There are plenty of practical reasons that I can name, but the truth is, I need to go for my own closure.
I have a strange relationship with death, and loss. My mother died when I was 5; my family split up right after. I’ve lost several caregivers to serious diseases, grieving their death as they lived. I’ve learned how to navigate MY grieving process. If I don’t go to this wedding, I will regret it. Not only is it my last chance to see my childhood family all together in one place, but if I don’t go, I show them they can bully me. I do not want to make a spectical of my trauma with them, but that does not mean I have to walk away with my tail between my knees.
I’m not scared of them. My relationship is non-existent, but I did see my siblings/cousins/neiecesandnephews fairly regularly. When I was a kid, they intimidated and bullied me into silence, but I’m not a child anymore. I lived with these people; I can manage one night, if for no other reason than to prove they cannot control me.
Thanks again for all the kind words. Happy to provide a pupdate if someone can tell me how to post pictures from the app?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
When told not to go to the wedding
He’s a 2.5 year old, Black and Tan Coonhound☺️
Dog tax
Update Feb 26, 2024
Original Story Here:
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/s/2MfJ98m6kP
POST-WEDDING UPDATE!
So, I went to the wedding. It went about how I expected it to go, though one can never be ready for a spontanious conga line. Sadly, there was no secret last minute invite, nor any secret plot of which the bride was unaware. She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding. No one really said much at all, in fact. The mother of the bride did not speak to me at all, my brother tiptoed around the subject until the end of the night. To his credit, he did apologize, “for all the dog stuff” as he said goodbye. Strangely, the apology didn’t make me feel much better.
There was no big confrontation either, mainly because no one cared to listen to me if I tried. As the reception began, part of me wondered how much I was going to miss the people, the environment, the vibe, really. Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave. Goodbye was short, and bittwersweet.
The venue was pretty and the alcohol was free, so I made the best of my night, but I got what I needed out of it, I think. Getting home tonight felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders. I know more than ever that I need to do this, and what I once saw as cutting my family in half, I can now see is clearing space for new family, one that cares.
Thank you for all your kind words, and all the support for my dog!
Arrogance is Bliss March 25, 2024
You don’t love me.
You love an idea of me you fabricated in your mind when I was a child.
I’m no longer a child.
I’m far from perfect, but I’m growing, I’m glowing, and I’m grieving the reality that none of you will ever know the person I become.
You call it love, but my scars disagree.
You hate my hair, my style, my beliefs—you hate me.
And the saddest part is, I don’t even think you know you do.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me.
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Poems
Thanks to u/lolfuckno for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, cancer, ableism, bullying, abandonment, emotional abuse of a child, verbal abuse, neglect, lies, mentions of miscarriage
MOOD SPOILER: Depressing
Original Post Feb 4, 2024
Firstly, I’m okay, physically anyway.
Honestly, I have no idea who this is for, but I think I just need it out of my head.
The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that. Only one of my brothers has gotten drunk enough to tell me to my face that he resents me for existing, but I know it exists within all of them, at least in some way. Im much younger than all my siblings, and there was so much that happened out of our hands that I made excuses, but my whole life, I’ve never quite felt “part of the family”.
As a child, I told myself we’d make up for lost time once I got older and we could talk as equals. Now, at 23, I see glimpses of the life I wished I’d have, but in the end, I’m always too much trouble to involve. I hear EVERYTHING from my father. I had to find out my niece was in a car accident from him; I had to find out my other niece had a miscarriage from him; I had to find out my oldest brother had a BRAIN TUMOR haphazardly on a phone call with my father, which he didn’t even know I was unaware of.
I’ve known for a while I’m the only one trying, but for the sake of my dreams, I’ve given every opportunity for them to let me in, but I just can’t do it anymore.
I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD. He is the single greatest thing to happen to me. Not only did he save my life from myself, but he has made life livable. He can tell when I’m panicking and he knows pressure therapy to help me through an attack. He stops me from hurting myself in meltdowns, sits with me until the only noise I can hear anymore is his snoring on my lap. He allows me to go grocery shopping by myself. He is my soulmate, and anyone who knows me knows how important he is to me.
My dating life isn’t thriving, so I took a shot in the dark and asked my niece if she minded if I brought my service dog as my plus one for her wedding at the end of this month. I have to fly across the country to go, so I will be bringing him anyway since I cannot fly alone. I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if he could not have to stay in the hotel all night. I do not technically need him for the event, since I’ll know every guest and I will be drinking pretty heavily to cope, but getting to spoil him with a bow-tie, dancing, and STEAK, sounded like the perfect reward for helping me on my flight. Several times, I emphasized that I understood it was an odd request and she could say no if she wanted.
She was EMPHATIC that he could come! She said even if I found a date, he could come! I was elated! For once, I felt seen, I felt cared about, I felt valued. And then I got a call from my dad. No one wanted to make things awkward, but the mother of the bride was NOT okay with a dog being at the venue. I explained that he is a trained service animal and will not impede the ceremony in anyway, and I’d of course remove him if he did. Still, he said they didn’t like it. I was so tired of hearing everyone else’s words through my father. He won’t be around forever and sooner or later, they will have to start talking to me
I had one request: let the bride tell me. When I asked her, she said yes, and until she told me she changed her mind, I was under the assumption he could go. Well, I never heard back. My dad kept dropping hints when i’d call him, but I told him what my expectations were. When I RSVP’d, I put my dog as my plus one on the response to let them know I wasn’t backing down this time. At this point, I didn’t even care if she said he couldn’t go. I just wanted to hear it from her.
The next morning, I woke up to an EMAIL from my father. Not even a text, a fucking email explaining that my niece didn’t want to be the bad guy, but my dog was NOT welcome at the wedding. He said he was sorry, but he could still come with me to the hotel if I wanted.
Something inside me broke, I think. I think I realized this is truly a helpless case. They are never going to respect me the way I crave them to. To this day, not one of our conversations has been started by them. I always initiate, and now, the one time I request a direct contact, I get an email.
Family means everything to me. Over the last few years, i’ve redefined what a family can be, and if right now, my family needs to be a very damaged orphan and their service animal, I’m grateful I have that much.
So, I’m going to the wedding, and then I’m never going to talk to any of them again.
And the sad part is, I didn’t even think they’re going to notice.
Update:
First, thank you to everyone for the kind words, and all the advice. It sincerely means so much that so many people care. I want to address all the questions about why I want to go to this wedding at all. There are plenty of practical reasons that I can name, but the truth is, I need to go for my own closure.
I have a strange relationship with death, and loss. My mother died when I was 5; my family split up right after. I’ve lost several caregivers to serious diseases, grieving their death as they lived. I’ve learned how to navigate MY grieving process. If I don’t go to this wedding, I will regret it. Not only is it my last chance to see my childhood family all together in one place, but if I don’t go, I show them they can bully me. I do not want to make a spectical of my trauma with them, but that does not mean I have to walk away with my tail between my knees.
I’m not scared of them. My relationship is non-existent, but I did see my siblings/cousins/neiecesandnephews fairly regularly. When I was a kid, they intimidated and bullied me into silence, but I’m not a child anymore. I lived with these people; I can manage one night, if for no other reason than to prove they cannot control me.
Thanks again for all the kind words. Happy to provide a pupdate if someone can tell me how to post pictures from the app?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
When told not to go to the wedding
I spent $700 on a plane ticket and $200 on a suit. Least I can do is go drink someone else’s liquor and dance my worries away. Besides. It feels like goodbye&
The cherry on top is they are all very conservative Christians, and I will be going in a suit with my hair dyed green and makeup done to the nines, so this will be my biggest “fuck you, I’m here anyway” I can pull off. Truthfully, my father’s memory is starting to go as he gets older, so even if I did explain my feelings, he will end up sharing anyway, so I’ve made my peace with the fact that it will be a one-way-street because lord knows they’re not gonna ask what I’m up to.When told to call the bride directly
The last 20 years of trauma will not be solved with one phone call. This was their last chance to prove to me they want me in their lives. It’s not about the dog. It’s the fact that all I asked is to be treated like a person and talked to directly, and they have proven to me they don’t care, so I’m leaving. I already did my job of reaching out to her and she said yes. Why is it my job to reach out and make sure she hasn’t changed her mind?When told her father is an asshole and he is the one responsible for everything
THANK YOU! I have felt like the only one who cannot fathom how that conversation could be had over EMAIL?? It’s sadly not uncommon for them to communicate through him, and I always have the receipts after the fact when they’re no longer worried about the awkwardness. My brothers don’t even know where I work. I am building a career around my job. They couldn’t tell you what my relationship status is, and I’d be hard pressed to tell you if they knew my middle name to be honest. My father is not innocent, but they are responsible for their part in our relationship. I have stopped reaching out to them directly because I barely hear back, and it’s clear they don’t really care what I’m saying. I could honestly write a book on the road that’s led me to this choice, but who’s got the time in this economy?Pupdate for Everyone Asking! Feb 6, 2024
He’s a 2.5 year old, Black and Tan Coonhound☺️
Dog tax
Update Feb 26, 2024
Original Story Here:
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/s/2MfJ98m6kP
POST-WEDDING UPDATE!
So, I went to the wedding. It went about how I expected it to go, though one can never be ready for a spontanious conga line. Sadly, there was no secret last minute invite, nor any secret plot of which the bride was unaware. She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding. No one really said much at all, in fact. The mother of the bride did not speak to me at all, my brother tiptoed around the subject until the end of the night. To his credit, he did apologize, “for all the dog stuff” as he said goodbye. Strangely, the apology didn’t make me feel much better.
There was no big confrontation either, mainly because no one cared to listen to me if I tried. As the reception began, part of me wondered how much I was going to miss the people, the environment, the vibe, really. Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave. Goodbye was short, and bittwersweet.
The venue was pretty and the alcohol was free, so I made the best of my night, but I got what I needed out of it, I think. Getting home tonight felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders. I know more than ever that I need to do this, and what I once saw as cutting my family in half, I can now see is clearing space for new family, one that cares.
Thank you for all your kind words, and all the support for my dog!
Arrogance is Bliss March 25, 2024
You don’t love me.
You love an idea of me you fabricated in your mind when I was a child.
I’m no longer a child.
I’m far from perfect, but I’m growing, I’m glowing, and I’m grieving the reality that none of you will ever know the person I become.
You call it love, but my scars disagree.
You hate my hair, my style, my beliefs—you hate me.
And the saddest part is, I don’t even think you know you do.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.05.14 14:01 Zappingsbrew A post talking about 400 words
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submitted by Zappingsbrew to u/Zappingsbrew [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 18:49 shaneka69 KEEP GOING
KEEP GOING
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2024.05.13 16:56 Paigebeeboi_ OMG
Anyone else really really happy with how they did in the exam. My exam board had Lord Capulet and Tybalt interaction at the party for extract and explain R+J relationship throughout the play. POETRY WAS GOD TEIR manhunt as the given poem (defo got context wrong I don’t know it) but then could compare it with the theme of RELATIONSHIP AGAIN. I did Valentine. What about anyone else I’ve heard some weird ones. Anyone I thought I did great!
submitted by Paigebeeboi_ to GCSE [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 02:22 Unhinged_Appricot21 “WOF’s lack of depth frustrates me”: 39 queries and ideas
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/WingsOfFire/s/cEBdWfjUbB
My last post criticized Tui’s shallow writing and lack of notable improvement throughout the series. This post is meant to be the constructive half of my criticism by posing 39 queries and ideas that would help make the world of Wings of Fire feel more substanced, varied, distinct, and nuanced.
Since I received comments on my previous post about fanfiction and its capacity to add depth to a franchise, feel free to steal any of these ideas and write about them. Or, if you’ve got any good ideas that you’re willing to share, comment them below. Let’s craft some stories worth telling.
submitted by Unhinged_Appricot21 to WingsOfFire [link] [comments]
My last post criticized Tui’s shallow writing and lack of notable improvement throughout the series. This post is meant to be the constructive half of my criticism by posing 39 queries and ideas that would help make the world of Wings of Fire feel more substanced, varied, distinct, and nuanced.
Since I received comments on my previous post about fanfiction and its capacity to add depth to a franchise, feel free to steal any of these ideas and write about them. Or, if you’ve got any good ideas that you’re willing to share, comment them below. Let’s craft some stories worth telling.
- SeaWings hunt sharks solo as a part of their coming-of-age rite.
- RainWing names are chosen by the grandmother.
- RainWings value music. All dragonets are taught musical instruments as a necessary part of their curriculum.
- The IceWing kingdom is divided into territories each ruled by a lady. Dragons who have done an exceptional service to the crown may be awarded a territory.
- The IceWing Assembly is composed of the aforementioned territorial rulers. Membership is hereditary. The Assembly runs some of the day-to-day business of the kingdom by reviewing legislature, managing affairs of public interest, and advising the queen. However, they can also check the power of the queen by forming coalition against her and blocking or passing laws.
- An IceWing princess needs to do more than just kill her mother to gain the throne, or she may not keep it for long: she must also make allies and supporters within the Assembly. An unpopular queen may find it difficult to exercise her power with a reticent Assembly.
- NightWings like composing riddles and poems; it is a favored pastime. They would gather in groups and make games out of guessing riddles, constructing verse, and engaging in friendly competition.
- There are few to no trees on the island, a scarcity of animals, and the NightWings don’t trade; thus they have taken to molding clay tablets, carving into them with a stylus, and firing them in a kiln to harden. parchment is as rare and coveted as gold.
- NightWings were known historically for their metallurgy, so advanced that it seemed mystical to other tribes. Legends speak of their immunity to and mastery over fire, their ability to mold metals with their talons, and the magic associated with metalcraft.
- The NightWings invented Damascus steel, which allowed them to forge weapons of exceptional quality. Knowledge of its craft was kept a tribe secret, and the NightWings kept their monopoly on it for thousands of years until Darkstalker forced the NightWings to flee their homeland, and the art was forgotten.
- Why is the royal challenge so prevalent across tribes? Why can only females challenge? How did it begin in the first place?
- The MudWing royal family employs seniority succession, in which the throne is passed to the monarch’s younger sibling and not their children. Both male and female royalty can rule.
- SandWing inheritance is a type of matrilineal system in which a male’s possessions are handed to his sister’s sons.
- What is the currency of the dragon world? Is it based on a gold standard? Does each tribe employ its own currency, is there a universal currency, or is there both an international and local currency for each tribe?
- A NightWing is not given a name at birth; it is earned through their extended family and friends.
- MudWings forge coins with a hole in the center, allowing them to string ropes of coins along their necks.
- The HiveWing takeover of the LeafWings was subtle and gradual: the LeafWing queen remained in power as a puppet and the tribe did not formally integrate with the HiveWings, instead existing as a vassal state. Over time, they lost theirs rights and power.
- Firebreathing tribes consider the ability a divine gift and a powerful kind of magic. It allowed dragonkind to ascend their animal states, purge the scavengers, and become civilized peoples who cook their food, build advanced infrastructure, and produce all kinds of advanced technologies. Firebreathing dragons consider themselves inherently superior to non-firebreathers, blessed with a divine right. Fire is associated with truth, clarity, and expansion of the mind.
- When a LeafWing hatches, he is given a protective necklace made of silver, meant to ward evil spirits. He grows up within a cohort of same-sex dragonets who work and learn together. Adulthood is not marked by age, but by initiation, which can only occur when the right signs are read in the natural world. A dragon 100 years of age would still be considered a dragonet, and unable to choose a mate, if he has not been initiated.
- When a HiveWing hatches, he is presented to the family matriarch, who formally decides whether to accept him into the family.
- Tribeless dragons reject the kingdoms. Lone wolves or pack hunters, they roam the continent in small bands, sometimes coexisting with the tribes, sometimes coming into conflict, and often selling their services as messengers or mercenaries.
- Why are all the tribes so isolated? Why do they not engage in international trade?
- Trade guilds are made up of tribeless dragons who have found a lucrative business in trade. Since the tribes are largely xenophobic and like to avoid each other, these guilds act as an intermediary: they roam the continent, acquiring goods from one tribe and trading them with another. From this great influx of wealth emerged two or three trade empires, geographically insignificant but titans in money-making. They’ve become so powerful that they’re forcing the kingdoms to compete economically in new ways.
- Do dragons have access to banking institutions? Do they take out credit or write checks? Does an international banking service exist?
- How about a postage system? Domestic, international, or both? How would it work?
- SeaWings believe in reincarnation, and that deceased family members will hatch into the same family over and over. When a dragonet hatches, he is examined for any resemblance to a deceased family member, and may be named after said dragon.
- The RainWings’ most lucrative trade is in spices and herbs.
- Do dragons pay taxes?
- Why is there no form of gender or class stratification in any tribe besides HiveWings and SilkWings? If only females can become monarchs, does this matriarchal mindset extend anywhere else in society? Are families matrilineal? Do females have rights or privileges over males?
- On that note, why are there no gender roles either?
- What sorts of jobs exist with a kingdom? How would a carnivorous diet affect livelihood, economy, and society?
- Brittlescale is a condition which may arise due to undernourishment or malnutrition. Signs of the ailment include dull, malformed scales, scales that crack easily, and loose scales.
- Dueling is a common method of defending and proclaiming one’s strength and honor. Just as princesses challenge queens, common dragons will duel to prove their worth.
- How do dragons understand medicine and the body?
- SilkWing traditional garments are made of silk. Silk is one of the most precious and coveted products in the kingdom.
- Spiders feature heavily in SilkWings culture and mythology as craftsmen and weavers.
- SandWing venom is a neurotoxin. It can be drawn from the tail, distilled to increase its potency, applied to weapons, or made into a powder. Alternatively, it can be diluted into a drug used in anxiety medication and to treat insomnia.
- Do dragons modify their bodies? Do they wear piercings, tattoos, or body paint?
- How have dragons evolved over 2000 years? What biological, social, cultural, religious, political, economic, and technological advancements or regressions have taken place?
2024.05.11 02:56 PhilMathers Sophie V - FInal Days
10,000 Stolen Days
May 10, 2024 marked exactly 10,000 days since Sophie’s life was taken. 10,000 days which had they not been stolen from her in December 1996, must have seemed to be filled with possibility .1996 had been a banner year, she had achieved so much in the previous 6 months, setting up her production company "Les Champs Blancs", and producing three different productions, with more on the way. But it had been exhausting few months with all this work and travel, and although Christmas is a holiday, it is not always a relaxing one.Christmas had often been a difficult time for Sophie. She walked out her first husband Pierre Jean at Christmas 1981, so suddenly, she left her infant son behind and had to steal him back with a ruse involving a relative. She broke up with Bruno Carbonnet over Christmas in 1993. leaving him a puzzling note;
“Je suis partie là où tu n'a jamais été, là où tu n'iras jamais".
“I have left there where you have never been, there where you will never go”. This didn’t make much sense to Bruno. He waited alone for two weeks in the apartment hoping she would return, he a had bought a bicycle for Pierre Louis for Christmas. In January he left to teach in Le Harve and when he returned the locks had been changed and all his stuff was on the landing. Sophie was deliberate about change in her life she didn't just let things happen to her. Her agenda year planners reflect this. She was meticulous in recording meetings, calls, contact details and travel plans. She brought 1995, 1996 & 1997 year planners with her. There are notes and reminders stretching into February 1997. She even tore off the little perforated corners as each week passed. It's a poignant reminder of how abruptly her life was cut off in full flow - the week beginning 23/12/1996 still has its corner intact.
Sophie’s style was austere, almost minimalist. Her cottage was painted white inside and out, with a except for the ground floor, which was black slate with a shiny varnish. The only decorations were a few sprigs of holly placed by the housekeeper to welcome her. A traditional Christmas week filled with loud music, tinsel and overconsumption was the diametric opposite of her character.
Worse there is the prospect having to trade pleasantries with tiresome relatives.
That Christmas Daniel had decided for the first time to have a big family Christmas inviting his extended aristocratic family to his chateau in Ambax in the South of France. For Sophie, who even after six years of marriage barely knew Daniel’s relatives, this was an easy choice and a hard no.
She bought her ticket on the morning of her travel planning to spend nearly a week in Ireland including Christmas Day and return on the 26th. It may be that this was the only return flight she could get at the time. Or it may be, as she told her aunt Madame Opalka “she was going to go to Ireland to spend Christmas there, because the house in Ambax was full of people”. From what Daniel has said, and from what others have said, it may be he tried to persuade her to come to Ambax for Christmas and convinced her. Sometime during the weekend she got an itinerary by fax at the cottage confirming her flight back on the 24th. But even on Sunday afternoon she told friends she had not made up her mind which flight she would take.
It is difficult to say how well their marriage was going at that time because the reports vary. Daniel said it was "harmonius and peaceful" which was far from accurate. There are several biographies of Daniel Toscan du Plantier, and they paint a vivid picture of a man who though incomparably charming, lived his life his own way without much concern for his family. He married four times and in three cases his wives were already pregnant before they got married. When he married Sophie, his eldest son and daughter were not even told about it, they only found out later in the summer when Sophie turned up at events.
Some witnesses including Daniel said was it was the happiest period, others say she was basically “an official wife” and that “their open marriage was an open secret”. The truth was probably somewhere in between. She had visited Ambax in November and collaborated closely on the documentary Europa 101 with Daniel. Whatever their personal arrangement, Daniel was deeply affected by her death, even though he refused to come to Ireland. His daughter Ariane wrote how she spent months taking care of him, feeding him sedatives and sleeping pills. He was clearly overwhelmed, so Sophie must have been more than an "official wife" to him. Was their marriage "open"? They clearly had a high degree of independence from each and had affairs in the past.
Nevertheless, Sophie may have balked at spending Christmas in Ambax. For one thing, it was far away from Paris, where her friends and family lived. For another, Daniel’s family and entourage knew very little about her. Apart from his second son Carlo, who was friends with her son Pierre Louis and some servants, she would have been on her own. Christmas in Paris would have been tolerable, she could escape and visit her parents and friends whenever she wanted, but in Ambax, she would be cooped up with nowhere else to go.
There is a question of whether Daniel was having an affair at the time. According to a Garda memo, French journalist Caroline Mangez said that Daniel was with a female film producer. However the files are full of unsubstantiated rumours and lies. Even if he wasn’t having an affair Sophie may have suspected he was. If Daniel had invited a mistress, or even a former mistress, or a former wife to Ambax, it would be unbearably awkward for Sophie. Daniel had uncountable affairs, and many of his mistresses knew each other, some remained on good terms.
Daniel may have been faithful at that time, perhaps he was telling the truth when he said their marriage was harmonius, but in any case Sophie had other reasons to skip Christmas. She had wanted to come to Dunmanus for months, but work got in the way. The heating had just been fixed and she needed to pay the plumber and her housekeeper. They preferred cash.
And if Daniel was unhappy that she wasn’t going to be there for Christmas, they were going on holiday together in the New Year to Dakar, Senegal. It would be much easier for Sophie to be with Daniel by himself than his whole family. This trip to Ireland would be a breather for her. She didn’t want to be alone, she asked at least 8 different people to accompany her, including 2 former intimate partners, though there is no evidence that she was having an affair or intended to have an affair.
There is a post-it note with a message in Sophie's hand seemingly inviting someone to spend Christmas: "Je vous laisse le choix : venir ou de refuser histoire que vous passiez un bon noel"
"I leave you the choice: come or refuse just so you have a good Christmas"
Whoever that note was written to, it was to someone she addressed as "vous" so not one of her closest friends or family.
Work
If she had another relationship, it is not obvious from her diary and it was unknown to her friends. What her diary does show though is that she had thrown herself into work.Apart from her agenda she kept a working notebook, a red hardback book which is filled with a tantalizing mash of different references to famous works of art, music, and contacts details of artists and philosophers. She had recently completed work on three different films. The first work was a documentary on African Art. The next was Europa 101, a documentary written by Daniel showcasing the wealth of European cinema. This was Daniel’s pet project, he loathed US cinema and the dominance of Hollywood. He once likened his wife’s death to a “bad movie”. His life’s work was a “struggle against cheap portrayals of violence, which is what leads to deaths like this” (Irish Independent 12/07/1998). This project involved gathering interviews and footage from dozens of famous directors and actors, including John Malkovich, Ingmar Berman, Pedro Almodovar, Werner Herzog, Nanni Moretti, Jean Luc Godard and many others. It was broadcast on December 8, 1996.
The third was an art house movie called “He sees folds everywhere”, a concept movie exploring the idea of folds and creases in everyday life, in hanging clothes, paper, wrinkles on skin, folds of a human brain. This was a project of the director Guy Girard, and it was the work to complete this that delayed her trip to Ireland. But she had other projects in train in her notebook. She was researching Greek folk music, Rebetiko. She had a project or projects in mind which were somewhat dark in nature.
She was in contact with George Didi-Huberman who had written a book called “The Invention of Hysteria”. This is a photographic history of how Jean Marie Charcot – one of the giants of 19c French science – locked up thousands of women for the imagined maladies of hysteria, lethargy, catalepsie and experimented on them, deliberately photographing them in contrived and frightening poses. It is a very weird and frightening history.
Her next project seems to have been based around human fluids. Her final notes are filled with references to human flesh, death and the four medieval humours of blood, phlegm, black bile, yellow bile. There are extensive notes to what seems to be a lecture given by linguist Jean Claude Milner on the subject of melancholia. Note that “melancholia” is a synonym for “black bile”, one of the four humours.
She was researching the avant garde Irish/British painter Francis Bacon, who was known for producing uniquely disturbing images. She references “Three Studies for the Figures at the Base of a Crucifixion”. There was a Bacon exhibition in Centre Pompidou in 1996 and Sophie must have attended it. Her notebook contains her jottings from a lecture on Bacon by writer Philippe Sollers which seemed focused on blood.
"Why does painting touch the central nervous system?" "We are carcasses of meat, meat above all" "The canvas bleeds, blood spurts red" "Dostoyevsky had a crisis in front of the 16th century Hans Holbein’s painting “The Body of the Dead Christ in the Tomb She jotted down a quote from the play Libation Bearers from Aeschylus:
Orestes sees the Furies coming and exclaims "O Lord Apollon look! Now they come in troops, and from their eyes they drip loathsome blood!"
The last entry reads "research the Furies"
Friday
Having failed to convince anyone to join her in Ireland for Christmas, she went alone. She telephoned Josephine on Tuesday 17th, told her she would be arriving alone on Friday. She called her again on Thursday to ask her to make sure the house would be warm.She went to the airport on Friday morning, bought a ticket with the return date on the 26th, carrying with her a rather hefty bag filled with clothes, including some eveningwear. Perhaps she envisaged visiting people at Christmas time. She expected to stay nearly a week. Later, possibly on Sunday she changed her ticket, she called the Aer Lingus ticket desk in Charles de Gaulle airport, Paris and got a return flight for the 24th. She received the itinerary details by fax, as she had a machine in the cottage.
She was not in a good mood when she arrived. She had some words with the woman at the Avis counter who passed her to her colleague. The photos on CCTV show a woman looking tired and drawn, something which was remarked upon by the Avis rep, who estimated she was in her forties, a little older than her 38 years. But nobody looks their best walking off an aircraft. She had also attended the Unifrance Christmas party the night before. This was a lavish party held in “Les Bains Douche”, a unique Paris nightclub combined with a swimming pool. Apart from the late night, the social effort must have been tiring. There was a rumour that Sophie had a row that night at Les Bains, a row with one of Daniel’s mistresses, but I have never heard that confirmed. But other reports say that those who met her there found her "radiant", "in good form", "playful". "She went arm in arm to see friends," one guest at the party told Paris Match, "but she always came back to the table where Daniel was sitting." (Paris Match 09/01/1997) Daniel was quoted years later by Michael Sheridan - “She spent some hours having an intense, passionate conversation with a film-maker” - Alain Terzian, producer of Les Visiteurs, one of the most successful French comedies of the 1990s.
Strangely though, Daniel’s first statement said she left on Wednesday. So perhaps it didn’t register with him that she was at the Unifrance party with him on Thursday 19th, or perhaps he had forgotten the party altogether.
Sophie was captured on Cork Airport CCTV at 14:41 pushing a trolley through the arrivals gate. The scheduled arrival time was 13:20, but because of almost an hour’s delay in departure it didn’t touch down until after 2. It would have taken about 15 minutes to pick up baggage from the carousel.
Cork is a small airport and it is quick to get through the arrival hall to the car hire desks, only a matter of a few meters away.
Sophie hired a silver Ford Fiesta and would have been on the road by 14:50.
The quickest route to West Cork would have been via Bandon and Dunmanway but it is more likely she went via Clonakilty and Skibbereen. She stopped in Ballydehob to buy kindling. She may have stopped in Skibbereen to buy petrol. A pump attendant reported seeing a woman matching her description driving a silver Ford buying petrol. He also noted a tall male companion in the passenger seat. The Gardai discounted this sighting because they accounted for the petrol in the car when it was hired and the mileage thereafter. There were also some discrepancies in the vehicle’s appearance and its description in the statement. Also the Ballydehob sighting is more reliable as the woman got a chance to talk to her. It would seem odd to stop in both Skibbereen and Ballydehob, both petrol stations.
But she seems to have stopped again in Schull because she bought bread and cheese in the Courtyard Deli, and this was most likely on Friday. She talked with the proprietor, Denis Quinlan to ask if there would be live music. At this stage it would have been around 4:30pm and after this she went to the cottage. She called her caretaker Josephine at 5:15, so she must have been at home by then. We don’t know if she went out after that point. She may have stayed in. At 10:15 she called her friend Agnès Thomas and spoke to her for half an hour.
Saturday
Sophie’s whereabouts on Saturday morning are unknown. Perhaps she stayed in, perhaps she went out. Finbarr Hellen was working on his land nearby and saw her car outside the house 12 to 1pm. He didn’t see her and thought it was unusual for her not to come out and say hello. He also remarked her car was parked in an unusual place. He did not elaborate more than this.The next event we know is that she bought some groceries in Brosnans supermarket on the main street in Schull and took £200 out of the ATM.
For the curious, her shopping list is listed below:
| Item | Price |
|---|---|
| Firelighters | 0.85 |
| Independent Newspaper | 0.85 |
| EP Televised "Chopped" & Her | 0.52 |
| Parsley | 0.40 |
| Low Fat Yoghurt | 1.90 |
| Ballygowan Natural Spring Water | 0.85 |
| Napolina Penne | 0.75 |
| Rashers | 1.26 |
| Courgettes | 1.23 |
| Chicory | 1.79 |
| Onions | 0.09 |
| Fox's Classic Biscuits | 0.83 |
| Flat Mushrooms | 0.65 |
| Pepper Coated Salami | 0.85 |
| Cooked Turkey | 1.89 |
| Mushrooms | 0.34 |
| Avonmore Leek & Potato Soup | 0.99 |
| Monini Olive Oil | 3.45 |
| Ballygowan Natural Spring Water | 0.85 |
| Avonmore Carrot & Coriander Soup | 0.99 |
| Ballygowan Natural Spring Water | 0.85 |
| 22.18 |
The till recorded a time of 2:49pm.
Sometime after this or perhaps before Sophie entered Tara Fashions, the clothes shop run by Marie Farrell. What Marie Farrell saw that day and subsequent days has been subject to revision, retraction and details seemed to be added with each telling. But I think the most reliable report is the first and all the subsequent revisions cannot be trusted. Farrell called the Gardai on the 25th but they didn’t get around to taking a statement from her until 27th. Even so we can assume her memory was fresh. Here is her statement, verbatim.,
On Saturday the 21st December 1996 I was working in my shop at Main Street, Schull, Co. Cork. Between 2p.m. and 3p.m. I noticed a weird looking character across the road from my shop. He was approx 5’10” in height, late 30’s, scruffy looking, long black coat, flat black beret, thin build, sallow skin, short hair. He was there for about 10 minutes. On Sunday morning at 7.15a.m. approximately I noticed the same man on the road at Airhill. When I saw him he was walking towards Goleen on the right hand side of the road and I was travelling in the opposite direction. When he saw me he stopped and put up his hand to thumb a lift. I did not see this man before or since. On Saturday the 21.12.1996 at approx 3p.m. there was a woman in my shop. She did not buy anything. I now know that this woman was the deceased woman from Goleen. I recognised her from the photograph on the television.
There is also a record of her questionnaire which may have been taken earlier than this statement.
In reply to question no 8 When/where did you last see him/her alive? She replied "saw her in shop. She bought a "Carrig Donn" aran sweater aran nap coloured, rolled neck late Sat aftemoon. Paid £39.00. Questions No. 9, 10, 11 & 12 were left blank. In reply to question No. 13 "any other help?" Marie Farrell replied "saw a man on Sat afternoon hanging around street. Desc late 30's, 5'10" very short hair wearing black beret. Saw him again Sun morning @ 7.20am walking towards Airhill but thumbed her.
In a later questionnaire, Farrell said the sweater was too big and she didn’t buy it.
What is interesting her is that Farrell does not draw any explicit linkage between the weird character in the long black coat and the woman in the shop. They were just there at approximately the same time. Farrell did say in later statements that the man followed her up Ardnamanagh road, but this was many years later. Her statements that she saw the same man at Kealfadda bridge at 3am on Monday are untrustworthy, but we won't go into this here.
A farmer, Frank Lannin, saw Sophie driving towards Schull from Goleen around 3pm. She saluted him as she passed him in his tractor. The time or the direction of travel must be wrong here.
The final sighting on Saturday she was seen in the Courtyard pub, eating a crab sandwich and left at 3:30pm. Sally Bolger went to feed her horses on Alfie Lyons land at 4:15pm and says she saw Sophie’s car at her house.
Saturday evening is a complete blank. Nobody saw her, she may have called people on the phone but we don’t have precise details. Her husband said she called him twice on Saturday, but we don’t have any confirmation of this.
At some point Sophie changed her ticket home. Her diary has a number listed as “O’Mahony” and the number was the line to the Aer Lingus ticket desk in Charles-de-Gaulle Roissy airport. The new itinerary was faxed to her in her cottage. The reason why she decided to come home early is not known. Her friend Jean Senet said her husband Daniel persuaded her. For his part Daniel said there was no particular plan and he was to pick her up from the airport at Toulouse at 8pm. Another report tells that she came home early to meet her father, so she could help him with his taxes.
Sunday
For Sunday morning we don’t have any reports.She called to Dunlough at in the early afternoon, perhaps around 1pm. Sophie had walked here several times before. It is a spectacular headland featuring a lake and three crumbling castles. It was cold and dry at the time, good weather for a walk, if bracing. It is necessary to pass the farm to walk the headland and when Sophie did so she met Tomi Ungerer. This was the second time they had met. Sophie had called here in April but it seemed Tomi and his wife were having a row at the time and Tomi had not paid much attention. Daniel said that Sophie feigned a puncture as an excused to call to the farm. In June Sophie had sent Tomi a fax about the death of a mutual colleague, Gilbert Estève. She may have been seeking information or just making contact. Sophie made a habit out of making contacts with important artists and thinkers. It was one of the things that a colleague said of her, she knew all the right people. It is possible that Tomi was one of the people Sophie wanted to meet for a while. Tomi invited her in for a drink after she had finished her walk. She returned an hour later and they had a conversation over two glasses of wine.
Tomi was a renowned visual artist, with a keen eye and a professional interest in culture. Born in Alsace he was marked by World War II and had seen the ravages of the Nazis and the backlash from the French afterwards. He worked for as a cultural ambassador to improve Franco German relations.
The statement that Tomi gave is remarkable in the insight it gives to Sophie’s character her interests and state of mind.
“She was saying how great Ireland was for literature and education compared to France, how France had thousands of books published every year but that there was no good Authors there, how Ireland was vibrant as a centre of literature for a small Country. She discussed her family, moreover her children and their education in France. She indicated that the reason she was here in Ireland was she wanted to be alone for Christmas. I considered this strange but I sometimes like to be alone too. We talked about books and culture and how the language here was more meaningful and truthful compared to the superficial nature of the French.”
“She seemed a very genuine person, a fine person, not pretentious or snobby. I thought she was deep and intelligent, so much so that I made notes of some things she said, “In a language there should be no need of the use of cuteness” “The problem of France is her lack of modesty”. I wrote those saying they might be useful for my work in the futre. I wrote the quotes on a card in which we exchanged addresses before she left. On hindsight now I would go as far as saying she was not beaming, that she had something on her mind. It’s hard when you do not know someone well to say. I offered her a third glass of wine but she did not take any. We gave her some eggs to take with her, half dozen for her supper. We have hens.”
The word “genuine” is telling. Tomi was struck by Irish people, how the highest compliment an Irish person can give about another, is to say that person is “genuine”.
Tomi described her appearance:
“She was wearing some type of black leather expensive looking pants, brown suede hiking boots, a white/cream ribbed polo necked sweater and a beige wool blazer and a navy blue wool jacket with belt and a navy wool cap and red suede gloves, wine/red gloves. She was dressed very well. She had her hair tied back.”
As to her demeanor, this seems to have grown with the telling. The documentaries made much of the legend of the lady of the lake, whose appearance is reputed to be a harbinger of death. This lurid tale does not feature in the early Garda statements. Tomi remarked that “she was not beaming”, that she may have had something on her mind. His wife Yvonne turned up while they were chatting.
“While we were chatting, Sophie told me that while she was up at the castles she felt this great anxiety almost fear. This is not an uncommon feeling for people who visit the castles. She wasn’t in a cheerful mood but she wasn’t really glum either. She talked about her plans for the future and we spoke about meeting up in Paris in the Spring. She seemed happy to be here and she wanted to be here. She said she liked it here but her husband didn’t. She said she would be back at Easter. We made vague arrangements to meet over the next three days. I gave Sophie some eggs and she left here at about 5.45 p.m.” Yvonne’s estimate of the time she left must be an error. It is more likely she left at around 3:45.
After leaving Dunlough Sophie went to Crookhaven to Sullivans pub, a legendary stop. Here she spoke with the proprietor Billy O’Sullivan and his son Dermot, both of whom speak good French and knew Sophie from prior visits. They also knew her friend Alexandra Lewy. One time Alexandra had arranged to buy a cast iron church gate for Sophie’s birthday, Sophie was fond of antiques and bric-a-brac. Dermot had carried this gate up to the cottage. Sophie asked about getting logs for her fire. Dermot recommended she go to a filling station. She said there was only kindling at the filling stations.
It is interesting that so much of Sophie’s alleged stops and conversations were about fire, kindling, logs etc. Despite this, the photos from her house show she had a lot of fuel. There is a stack of logs, several bales of peat briquettes, what looks to be a 40kg bag of coal and one, perhaps two baskets full of kindling. She had enough for days of fires, unless she lit both hearths, which would be unlikely considering the second hearth did not draft properly, and she was arranging to have it fixed. The kindling may have been bought from Camiers Garage when Kitty Kingston reported meeting her on Friday.
She told her friend Alexandra before she left that she was going to sleep in the guest room because it was the warmest room, being directly above the oil range. There was also a brass bedwarmer found next to her bed. All these details point to Sophie being acutely aware of the cold.
A witness heard her discussing the old Coastguard houses with the Sullivans. These are a prominent landmark visible from O’Sullivan’s pub across the water. The witness left before Sophie did at 4:30pm so she must have returned to the cottage no earlier than 5pm.
The witness noted she was wearing “black leather pants and brown suede desert boots and a long chunky jumper”. This matches well with Tomi Ungerer’s account.
Note the "desert boots" seen by this witness and the "suede hiking boots" mentioned by Tomi Ungerer are probably not the hiking boots she was wearing when she died. The hiking boots she was wearing were very worn, the laces had snapped and had been tied halfway down the lace holes. It looks to me she shoved them on without untying/tying the laces. Sophie would not have visited Schull wearing old worn-out shoes. A pair of dark brown suede "desert boots" are visible at the bottom of the stairs in the garda photos. These match better with the shoes seen by the witness.
It’s 25 minutes drive from Crookhaven back to the cottage so if Sophie left at 4:30 she would have been back home before 5pm.
We know she most likely went home, because at 5:32pm she called her friend Agnès Thomas to wish her a happy birthday. Agnès was out so Sophie left a message.
The postman called at 6pm and noted the lights were on. Presumably he was doing a Sunday shift to cope with the Christmas rush. He didn’t see Sophie’s car, but as he only went as far as the lower gate, it is quite possible he missed it.
At 7:30pm she called her housekeeper Josephine but she was out. She tried her again at 9:10pm but again she was out. Josephine returned and called her back at 10pm. Sophie told her she would be leaving on the 24th, not the 26th as she originally intended. They arranged to meet the following day at noon.
Sophie’s phone records were not available, as the exchange she was on was a traditional analogue exchange, with no recording facility. Schull was one of the last places in the country to have such an old system. Days later Garda technicians tried to retrieve call details from her cordless phone but its batteries were flat and nothing was found.
At around 10:30pm she called her husband Daniel, who said he couldn’t take her call. He said he was in a meeting with Unifrance associates. As it was nearly midnight in France, this an unusual time to have a work meeting. Daniel called her back “about twelve minutes later”. He said she was sleepy and probably in bed. Given that the cordless phone was found next to her bed, this seems plausible. He also said that she told him about her visit to the Ungerers and had formed a work project with him. He said she told him she returned home at 9:30pm, but he could be wrong about this. The phone calls to her friend and housekeeper strongly suggest she was at home from 5:30pm.
This was the last anyone heard from Sophie until her body was discovered at 10am the following morning.
From this point all we have is are the police photos and the story they tell is ambiguous, there are multiple possible interpretations.
The fire was lit that evening and there was an empty wine glass on the mantlepiece with dregs of wine in it. There was a loaf of bread, a white crusty “basket loaf” which had been sliced and left open. This is odd as there are no crumbs visible on the table and no plate. Would Sophie have gone to bed leaving the bread out? It’s possible. Another possibility is that the bread was sliced in the morning. But if so where is the plate that she used?
Conceivably Sophie may have left these items from another evening, but it is more likely she consumed the wine that evening, possibly with some cheese she had in her pantry, and the bread she had cut. There was a book open on the table, propped open by a jar of honey next to an empty teacup. However as the cordless phone was found by her bedside, it seems likely this was all left from the previous evening.
It seems the most likely Sophie spent her last night reading, went to bed and then took the call from Daniel.
The book propped open was not a Yeat’s anthology. There is a tale repeated by many true crime authors that Sophie was reading a Yeats poem called “A Dream Death”. It contains the lines
I DREAMED that one had died in a strange place Near no accustomed hand,
Ralph Riegel titled his book after this poem. But this is not the poem she was reading, if any. Yes there was a Yeats anthology found on her bed, but not the bed she slept in, it was on the bed in her personal room which she didn’t use that weekend. The anthology is “Quarente-cinq poèmes suivi de La Résurrection”, a collection of later Yeats poems translated by Yves Bonnefoy. It does not contain the poem “A Dream of Death” but it does contain a poem called “Death”, a meditation on how animals die versus men.
Nor dread nor hope attend A dying animal; A man awaits his end Dreading and hoping all;
But the Yeats anthology is not open on the bed, it is closed in the police photos. Unless the Gardai picked it up before photographing the room, then we cannot be sure what poem or poems she read. As regards the book propped open on the kitchen table, it’s prose and it is French. Journalist Lara Marlowe wrote that the book open on the table was a book about lighthouses.
Among the exhibits the Gardai took are three books
- Le Coeur Battant – “The beating heart” – this is the title of a 1960 French movie.
- Le Tenes Vert – Unknown – looks like a transcription error by the Gardai, could be “Les Terres Vertes”
- Le Cine Monde – World Cinema
On the shelf in her box bedroom we can see a book by Virginia Woolf, the title itself is illegible in the photo but Woolf’s distinctive profile photo is visible on the spine. I wonder if the book might be “A Room of one’s Own”. This essay advocated that a woman writer could never accomplish anything unless she had financial independence and her own space to work in. Even if it was some other book by Woolf, this essay would have been known to Sophie. It hints at what the white cottage meant to her. Her tiny box room tucked under the gable and raised single bed was a quasi-monastic cell - a creative space, a room of her own in West Cork.
2024.05.11 00:09 THROWRA01514 My [28F] boyfriend [25M] keeps random things from past flings, but not from me. How do I approach this?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now. We recently moved in together, 300 miles away from where we met and were living separately before. His work requires him to be gone for stretches of time, and he went on a work assignment right after we moved in. I asked if I could put some of his things away to get the house in order, and he said that would be great.
As I’m opening bags, trying to figure out what’s what, I’ve come across a few items from other women. Mostly letters. One is from a girl he had worked in proximity with, potentially was going to go on a date with (set up by mutual friends) right before he met me. Nothing ever happened between them, but he’s kept a letter and even the envelope she sent it in. There’s a couple other letters + envelopes signed by a girl’s name I don’t know. Another item is a drawing, ripped apart from a poem a summer fling had written for him. The poem hasn’t resurfaced, but it was in his house in the city we met in - so presumably he kept the drawing and tossed the poem. Other items are random notes (one literally says “hey, can you turn this off?” like a note left from a flatmate) from unknown, or his sister or parents. So he does seem to hang on to random things.. that’s not what bothers me so much. It’s that I haven’t found anything I’ve given him.
During our time together, I’ve given him many little keepsakes like the ones detailed above. During the first month of our relationship, we had to be long distance for several weeks. I decorated an envelope with stickers, drawings, and sealed it with wax after writing a very heartfelt note when we were first falling in love. For his birthday, I got him some bigger gifts and a cake, but I also hand stitched his name with a decorative heart onto a card, with a sweet message inside (this I have found). For Valentine’s Day, I made another card with a custom printed photo of us from our first weekend getaway together. I also stuffed a dozen valentines into the gift bag, each with a different handwritten note. I leave him notes in his lunch/stuffed into a pocket/in the Keurig (lol), etc.
What hurts my feelings is that when moving several states away to live with his current partner, he would make a decision to keep a drawing from a random fling (who lives in the city we now occupy, by the way), and plain envelopes/letters from almost lovers, but not a thoughtful item of the same category from someone he plans to marry (we’ve talked about it extensively).
I know if I bring it up he will be immediately apologetic. I almost don’t want to because of that. I don’t want him to feel bad, but I need to express it somehow - I had to take a break from unpacking because I was feeling physically sick. As someone who is very intentional about everything, it’s so hard to understand the choice made here. Logically I know he can love me dearly and want to be with me and also want to hold onto these things. But I feel hurt that I seem to be of lesser value than someone else who he isn’t even dating.
It’s worth mentioning that when we first got together, I made a point to let lingering lovers know I was in a committed relationship and it was my priority. I talked to my boyfriend about this too. Recently, one of them (who’s 3 timezones away) called me at 5am my time. This made both my partner and I very uncomfortable and he asked me if I would consider cutting this person off entirely (we have known each other for over a decade at this point). I said absolutely since I had already spoken to them about prioritizing my relationship, and sent a text asking them to stop contacting me. I blocked them on all socials. I understand burying a situationship isn’t equivalent to keeping random notes, but thought I’d include for context of how we have handled interaction with past partners.
TL;DR boyfriend has belongings (down to plain envelopes letters were sent in) from other women, but hasn’t seemed to hold on to things I’ve given to him. It bothers me that after a move across the country to move in with me, he’s chosen to hold onto their items and not mine.
submitted by THROWRA01514 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
As I’m opening bags, trying to figure out what’s what, I’ve come across a few items from other women. Mostly letters. One is from a girl he had worked in proximity with, potentially was going to go on a date with (set up by mutual friends) right before he met me. Nothing ever happened between them, but he’s kept a letter and even the envelope she sent it in. There’s a couple other letters + envelopes signed by a girl’s name I don’t know. Another item is a drawing, ripped apart from a poem a summer fling had written for him. The poem hasn’t resurfaced, but it was in his house in the city we met in - so presumably he kept the drawing and tossed the poem. Other items are random notes (one literally says “hey, can you turn this off?” like a note left from a flatmate) from unknown, or his sister or parents. So he does seem to hang on to random things.. that’s not what bothers me so much. It’s that I haven’t found anything I’ve given him.
During our time together, I’ve given him many little keepsakes like the ones detailed above. During the first month of our relationship, we had to be long distance for several weeks. I decorated an envelope with stickers, drawings, and sealed it with wax after writing a very heartfelt note when we were first falling in love. For his birthday, I got him some bigger gifts and a cake, but I also hand stitched his name with a decorative heart onto a card, with a sweet message inside (this I have found). For Valentine’s Day, I made another card with a custom printed photo of us from our first weekend getaway together. I also stuffed a dozen valentines into the gift bag, each with a different handwritten note. I leave him notes in his lunch/stuffed into a pocket/in the Keurig (lol), etc.
What hurts my feelings is that when moving several states away to live with his current partner, he would make a decision to keep a drawing from a random fling (who lives in the city we now occupy, by the way), and plain envelopes/letters from almost lovers, but not a thoughtful item of the same category from someone he plans to marry (we’ve talked about it extensively).
I know if I bring it up he will be immediately apologetic. I almost don’t want to because of that. I don’t want him to feel bad, but I need to express it somehow - I had to take a break from unpacking because I was feeling physically sick. As someone who is very intentional about everything, it’s so hard to understand the choice made here. Logically I know he can love me dearly and want to be with me and also want to hold onto these things. But I feel hurt that I seem to be of lesser value than someone else who he isn’t even dating.
It’s worth mentioning that when we first got together, I made a point to let lingering lovers know I was in a committed relationship and it was my priority. I talked to my boyfriend about this too. Recently, one of them (who’s 3 timezones away) called me at 5am my time. This made both my partner and I very uncomfortable and he asked me if I would consider cutting this person off entirely (we have known each other for over a decade at this point). I said absolutely since I had already spoken to them about prioritizing my relationship, and sent a text asking them to stop contacting me. I blocked them on all socials. I understand burying a situationship isn’t equivalent to keeping random notes, but thought I’d include for context of how we have handled interaction with past partners.
TL;DR boyfriend has belongings (down to plain envelopes letters were sent in) from other women, but hasn’t seemed to hold on to things I’ve given to him. It bothers me that after a move across the country to move in with me, he’s chosen to hold onto their items and not mine.
2024.05.10 06:55 Great_Software5342 TPG - SoFi Return to IRS Cohort
So for all those that had a terrible Valentine's Day in 2024. When you found out your refund was in the hands of an exploitative pernicious sham of a bank... Santa Barbara Tax Prep Group or TPG, a subsidiary of Green Dot Bank. I wanted to throw my thoughts out there and see if anyone had successfully found a lawyer that would be interested in looking further into the matter.
I really feel like there's a strong class action here. I legit spoke with an IRS agent today who is aware of the issues with third party banks like TPG aka GreenDot mishandling refunds. I'm one of the folks affected by the coding error in Feb 2024 and have been waiting since. The agent said, without saying, that it wouldn't be out of the whelm of possibility that GreenDot and its subsidiaries hold on to many refunds that are rejected for whatever reason from the depositing bank.
Adding my own thoughts... Imagine how much money they garner in interest in that time? I'm certain many people don't even pursue their refunds to the end and that adds to plenty of profit on their end. GreenDot mostly deals with lower income people, those that have had issues with traditional bank accounts and furthermore, those that are often not equipped to navigate the system. I could see them exploiting a loophole that places them in the margin of plausible deniability and they end up simply neglecting to actually return refunds to the IRS due to simple "human error" or IT failures...
Those that pursue their returns, eventually get them, but that's after months or years of back in forth with different companies and government agencies. All the while, GreenDot is profiting of the interest from the holdings...
I'm hardly educated in banking and finance, but given the failures I've heard about in the past couple decades, I don't think it's that crazy. Anyone else feel this way?
submitted by Great_Software5342 to TurboTax [link] [comments]
I really feel like there's a strong class action here. I legit spoke with an IRS agent today who is aware of the issues with third party banks like TPG aka GreenDot mishandling refunds. I'm one of the folks affected by the coding error in Feb 2024 and have been waiting since. The agent said, without saying, that it wouldn't be out of the whelm of possibility that GreenDot and its subsidiaries hold on to many refunds that are rejected for whatever reason from the depositing bank.
Adding my own thoughts... Imagine how much money they garner in interest in that time? I'm certain many people don't even pursue their refunds to the end and that adds to plenty of profit on their end. GreenDot mostly deals with lower income people, those that have had issues with traditional bank accounts and furthermore, those that are often not equipped to navigate the system. I could see them exploiting a loophole that places them in the margin of plausible deniability and they end up simply neglecting to actually return refunds to the IRS due to simple "human error" or IT failures...
Those that pursue their returns, eventually get them, but that's after months or years of back in forth with different companies and government agencies. All the while, GreenDot is profiting of the interest from the holdings...
I'm hardly educated in banking and finance, but given the failures I've heard about in the past couple decades, I don't think it's that crazy. Anyone else feel this way?
2024.05.10 04:05 northcasewhite The name "Palestine" has existed for 3000 years
You may have recently seen the debate between Mosab Yousef and Abby Martin where he claimed that Palestinians are not a social or ethnic group and there was never a Palestinian state before the British mandate. He said Palestine was a fictional name and they were merely Arabs of other countries.
This argument is also used by Zionists other than Mosab. It's a way for them to argue against a future Palestinian state and to even deny that people lived in that region. Even if they were right about there never being such a community or a region (they are absolutely wrong), it does not mean the current people are not oppressed and don't deserve to govern themselves.
However Mosab and his Zionist friends are wrong. Here is a list of the name Palestine/Filastin being used throughout history from 3000 years ago: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_the_name_Palestine
The list is massive but here are a few selections:
submitted by northcasewhite to Palestine [link] [comments]
This argument is also used by Zionists other than Mosab. It's a way for them to argue against a future Palestinian state and to even deny that people lived in that region. Even if they were right about there never being such a community or a region (they are absolutely wrong), it does not mean the current people are not oppressed and don't deserve to govern themselves.
However Mosab and his Zionist friends are wrong. Here is a list of the name Palestine/Filastin being used throughout history from 3000 years ago: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_the_name_Palestine
The list is massive but here are a few selections:
c. 900 BCE: Padiiset's Statue, inscription: "envoy – Canaan – Peleset."
c. 700 BCE: Azekah Inscription[54] records the region as Pi-lis-ta-a-a.
c. 340 BCE: Aristotle, Meteorology, "Again if, as is fabled, there is a lake in Palestine, such that if you bind a man or beast and throw it in it floats and does not sink,
c. 30 BCE: Tibullus, Tibullus and Sulpicia: The Poems: "Why tell how the white dove sacred to the Syrians flies unharmed through the crowded cities of Palestine?"
c. 94: Josephus, Antiquities of the Jews: "...these Antiquities contain what hath been delivered down to us from the original creation of man, until the twelfth year of the reign of Nero, as to what hath befallen us Jews, as well is Egypt as in Syria, and in Palestine."
891: Ya'qubi, Book of Lands: "Of the Jund Filastin, the ancient capital was Lydda.
1355: Ibn Battuta, Rihla[194] Ibn Battuta wrote that Ramla was also known as Filastin
1377: Ibn Khaldun, Muqaddimah: "Filastin Province taxes – 310,000 dinars plus 300,000 ratls of olive oil"