Hi!
I woke up on Juned 2nd with a sore throat and I have an important exam coming up on June 24th, which requires me to sing. It's a selective exam that determines if I can become a music teacher in my country next school year, it is insanely important because I need a salary next year and can't financially or mentally afford to retake it if I fail.
The problem is I'm sick, I can't practice any of my pieces and I just feel like I'm never gonna recover. I'm pretty sure I have laryngitis and I could not rest on the first days because I had classes to teach, and I attended a choir rehearsal because I thought my voice was somewhat okay. I'm usually done with laryngitis in a day or two, but this time it feels like it's getting worse everyday. My speaking voice is pretty hoarse and lower than usual, but my singing voice is absolutely gone.
Last time I got laryngitis, I recovered my talking voice in 2 days but my singing voice took 6 weeks to come back.
Went to my doctor to do but the only thing she could tell me was to rest my voice.

• Have any of you been in a similar situation?
• What did you do to try to recover your voice?
• How did your important event go (concert, audition, exam...) despite your voice extinction? Looking for success stories, I'm so desperate I feel like cancelling my train and not showing up to the exam.

Everyone keeps trying to reassure me and telling me that I'm fine and still have time before my exam, but no one seems to understand the panic this is is sending me in. I have worked so hard and pushed myself beyond so many limits to get here, I don't think I could ever recover mentally from failing this because of a stupid illness.

I'm just being dramatic... but I've had what I assume are seasonal allergies on and off for the past month.
I don't usually get seasonal allergies, but I'm 7 weeks postpartum and breastfeeding. I think the hormones are making everything out of whack.
I was nervous to take meds at first, because of breastfeeding. A few weeks ago, I went to the doctor, and she agreed that it's probably allergies. Things got better for a few weeks after we had a ton of rain, hallelujah.
Well, the pollen is back, and I feel like I'm DYING. Symptoms include:
• Post-nasal drip
• Itchy face
• Severe sore throat, to the point that I avoid swallowing. Last night I resorted to spitting instead of swallowing.
• Extremely dark, reddish urine – presumably from dehydration since drinking is excruciating
• Nausea - presumably from all the mucus in my mostly-empty stomach
• Dizziness – now this one stumps me, because I don't feel all that congested
• Neck, lower back and joint pain – also unusual
Does anyone have all these symptoms with seasonal allergies? Or are these not normal? Any tips? I feel freaking awful and I have two young kids to take care of.
ETA: I have in and tried Flonase, Zyrtec, and menthol cough drops over the past 48 hours. The cough drops are the only thing really helping because they numb my trash throat.

I don’t want to out myself so I will keep names and personal information out of this.
I have worked at a popular restaurant for 1 year and beginning on Wednesday April 24th, I fell ill with a severe cold after spending time with my girlfriend on one of my days off, who was also very unwell right about the same time i was. Our symptoms mirrored each other's for almost a week and a half, including a debilitating sinus infection, prompting her to seek medical attention at urgent care out of concern for her health. Likewise, I experienced a range of symptoms, such as persistent diarrhea, intense headaches, a sore throat, weakness, and other manifestations. It was evident from the onset that this was not a mild ailment but a significant health issue requiring rest and recovery.
Despite feeling under the weather, I remained vigilant regarding our company policy, particularly the requirement that employees must be symptom-free for at least 72 hours before returning to work. This policy is not only prominently displayed in our login modules when we clock in but is also enforced through wellness checks when clocking in. As outlined in our wellness policy, the wellness check needs documented and that each employee has stated that they are healthy to work and free of symptoms such as vomiting, diarrhea, and nausea, consistent with FDA guidelines. Had I walked in still sick, I would’ve been turned away right after answering these questions or showing symptoms to any manager.
A testament to my commitment to workplace safety and compliance, I responsibly informed more than one manager of my situation via text less than a week into my illness. One manager a day after I initially started feeling unwell, and another a couple days later and again a week later. In one message with my general manager, I expressed concern about my lingering symptoms and the potential need for a day off to accommodate a final exam for my university course the upcoming week around May 5th. However, I received no response from my manager about my symptoms or health until three days later, when I was simply asked about my availability for the following day ‘You good to show up tomorrow?’ From that measly response, it seems as though he thought this whole ordeal was a joke and assumed this was all a lie on my end so I could have some unpaid vacation time. I was out for about a week and a half in total before feeling ready to return to work. I was terminated on the day of my final exam via text with no explanation or reason. The only information given to me was on my NOTICE OF POTENTIAL AVAILABILITY OF UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE BENEFITS listing “unacceptable work performance”
In my eyes it appears there’s an issue stemming from a pattern of inconsistent policy enforcement and managerial oversight. Despite my efforts to adhere to company guidelines and prioritize my health, I have faced challenges and have been reprimanded in the past due to the failure of my manager to consistently enforce these policies. As stated near the beginning of our training materials 'Work healthy' is paramount, and I made every effort to uphold this principle throughout my absence. Although, it seems that my dedication to balancing my health, academic pursuits, and work responsibilities were not fully recognized, leading to the termination of my employment? I assume I was just out sick for too long to be considered a part of the crew. Nonetheless, I applied for unemployment while looking for a better job.
Could I fight this in any way apart from unemployment? I’m not reaching out to HR because I know their job is to protect the company, not the terminated employee. I am also a college student so I don’t have thousands to spend on a lawyer either. Just wondering your opinions on this topic.

I don’t want to out myself so I will keep names and personal information out of this.
I have worked at a popular restaurant for 1 year and beginning on Wednesday April 24th, I fell ill with a severe cold after spending time with my girlfriend on one of my days off, who was also very unwell right about the same time i was. Our symptoms mirrored each other's for almost a week and a half, including a debilitating sinus infection, prompting her to seek medical attention at urgent care out of concern for her health. Likewise, I experienced a range of symptoms, such as persistent diarrhea, intense headaches, a sore throat, weakness, and other manifestations. It was evident from the onset that this was not a mild ailment but a significant health issue requiring rest and recovery.
Despite feeling under the weather, I remained vigilant regarding our company policy, particularly the requirement that employees must be symptom-free for at least 72 hours before returning to work. This policy is not only prominently displayed in our login modules when we clock in but is also enforced through wellness checks when clocking in. As outlined in our wellness policy, the wellness check needs documented and that each employee has stated that they are healthy to work and free of symptoms such as vomiting, diarrhea, and nausea, consistent with FDA guidelines. Had I walked in still sick, I would’ve been turned away right after answering these questions or showing symptoms to any manager.
A testament to my commitment to workplace safety and compliance, I responsibly informed more than one manager of my situation via text less than a week into my illness. One manager a day after I initially started feeling unwell, and another a couple days later and again a week later. In one message with my general manager, I expressed concern about my lingering symptoms and the potential need for a day off to accommodate a final exam for my university course the upcoming week around May 5th. However, I received no response from my manager about my symptoms or health until three days later, when I was simply asked about my availability for the following day ‘You good to show up tomorrow?’ From that measly response, it seems as though he thought this whole ordeal was a joke and assumed this was all a lie on my end so I could have some unpaid vacation time. I was out for about a week and a half in total before feeling ready to return to work. I was terminated on the day of my final exam via text with no explanation or reason. The only information given to me was on my NOTICE OF POTENTIAL AVAILABILITY OF UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE BENEFITS listing “unacceptable work performance”
In my eyes it appears there’s an issue stemming from a pattern of inconsistent policy enforcement and managerial oversight. Despite my efforts to adhere to company guidelines and prioritize my health, I have faced challenges and have been reprimanded in the past due to the failure of my manager to consistently enforce these policies. As stated near the beginning of our training materials 'Work healthy' is paramount, and I made every effort to uphold this principle throughout my absence. Although, it seems that my dedication to balancing my health, academic pursuits, and work responsibilities were not fully recognized, leading to the termination of my employment? I assume I was just out sick for too long to be considered a part of the crew. Nonetheless, I applied for unemployment while looking for a better job.
Could I fight this in any way apart from unemployment? I’m not reaching out to HR because I know their job is to protect the company, not the terminated employee. I am also a college student so I don’t have thousands to spend on a lawyer either. Just wondering your opinions on this topic.

I'm going to try to make this as succinct as possible. I am currently working with my medical team to figure out what's going on, but trying to get more ideas of what to look for.
32F, 200lbs - Four months out from uncomplicated C-section - One week post C-section, I developed a UTI, which turned septic and resulted in a hospital stay - Since then, the UTI has returned twice as well as a recurrent staph infection in my nostrils - Passed out and had a high fever (106) sending me back to the hospital 3 weeks ago but no cause identified. Sore throat but negative for strep, Covid, flu. Right tonsil swollen and large node like a wart was present on the back wall of the throat behind tonsils. Has since disappeared - recurrent low grade fevers over the last several weeks since the last hospital visit have resulted in more tests - persistent low/mid right abdominal pain with pressure, randomly will have discomfort with no pressure but not regularly - blood work has random anomalies but no smoking gun - urine sample on 6/4 showed bilirubin, protein, leukocytes, and urobilinogen - CT scan today showed hepatomegaly with liver length 20cm, no focal lesions and nothing else of note. CT from January when I was septic showed totally normal liver size, wholly unremarkable. - I am a recovering alcoholic, 4 years of sobriety, so I don't think it is alcohol related
Current symptoms: - on and off fever, typically once per day, around 100.5 - infection in nose - right abdominal discomfort - random petechiae bruising on neck and legs - bruising on one big toe and the nail fell off the other toe with no blunt force - tingling feet at night in bed - brain fog - hair loss
I am also currently breast feeding if that makes any difference.
Any ideas??? My doc isn't moving super quickly on this, is an enlarged liver something to be concerned about? Is this urgent or just a random smathering of unrelated and generally benign symptoms?

Hi.
Last week I feel I made myself look like a capital A, and I can’t get it out my head.
Myself (35F) started out the week with strep throat, where I was stuck in bed feeling very very poorly. By the Wednesday I was a mess, sore throat, high temperature, fever, body aches and shakes, stiff neck, dizziness…the whole shabang. Well, later that Wednesday evening I managed to flop out of bed and make my way to the bathroom, but sadly collapsed on the way, where my child (17F) found me and called an ambulance.
For context, I live in the UK, and in a smallish town where the hospital isn’t really a hospital, more of an urgent treatment centre, so they don’t deal with certain things. That being said, the ambulance took me to my local urgent treatment centre, whom promptly decided to send me to another hospital about an hour away…this is common practice round my parts. But, what isn’t common is that I had to get someone to take me to the other hospital, rather than an ambulance taking me. But I digress.
Anyway, I made it to the hospital around 9.30pm, still feeling absolutely pants and just wanting to go home and cry. Upon arrival I was taken into the overcrowded, hot and sticky waiting room, that was packed to the brim. So much so, there was no where to sit, and for over an hour I had to stand, despite feeling like I was going to faint at any point. Hospital staff refused to give me a chair, but they did make an announcement to the waiting room saying any family members, or people who aren’t the patient should allow patients to have seats, and can sit outside to wait.
No one moved. Literally no one. They wouldn’t even make eye contact! I was in flood of tears by this point.
Another hour passes and I’m leaning up against a wall, crying and generally feeling sorry for myself. When, finally, a man (about 40) was called in to see the doctor, following him into the room was an older couple, I assume they were his parents, and about 60 years old maybe. Well….that left 3 chairs and I never moved so fast to take one.
It can’t have been more than 10 minutes later when the man and his parents came back out the room and headed in my direction, I knew they wanted their seats back, but i wasn’t moving. The son and his mother sat next to me, and the man literally said to me “that’s my seat, get up! You can’t just take peoples seats” I ignored him. I wasn’t moving. Thus began the staring at me, tapping his foot and sighing. He then said “now young lady, have some respect, I served” I replied “thank you for your service but I’m not moving, I’m sick, your not, sir out there”
Well well well, he didn’t like that. He started shouting at me about how young people have no respect and how rude I am for allowing an “old” man to stand…and so on….i blanked him out to be honest. It got so bad that he was removed via security, whilst kicking and screaming.
But my problem is that his wife was beside herself, I felt so bad for her, and it turns out the son was quite poorly and the dad wasn’t allowed back in, so I feel guilty for being the cause of that. However, I was so poorly and it turned out I had sepsis, so I could have also died.
So AITA for not just giving him his seat back?

I encounter this problem a lot but a recent experience has prompted me to turn here for advice.
I know I have problems communicating, I apologize for the length of this post but I wanted to give examples to help you gauge how much of this problem is my fault, or is contributing to the issue, and for you to be abke to advise how best to change my approach.
I have been surprised and disappointed in realizing how often professionals, or specialists, do not seem very knowlegable nor give the most appropriate advice. I am thinking that surely other intelligent people must have encouraged this problem and I hope you can provide some advice, or at least commiserations.
I have been very frustrated where someone is making a very illogical assumption or poorly thought out conclusion (especially ones which could be easily proven wrong.) In the past I have got into lengthy discussions trying to get the professional to see their mistake, or just to rethink their calculations but most often the professional gets clearly angry and are often very unprofessional including shouting or treating me like a small child saying I have to believe 100% of what they say unquestioningly. Usually if I disagree, or even just asking for clarification about a piece of their conclusion which seems unlikely, seems to makes them dislike me and rarely do they actually change their mind, or are willing to reexamine their reasoning. So I have mostly given up.
For example in the past I had an issue with my jaw (painful, clicking etc) and before asking any questions or examining me the Dr was convinced that I was biting my nails and said I just needed to stop, I told them that I didn't and they seemed angry. Then they really pushed that I must bite pen lids then, claiming I just be doing it absentmindedly when writing, I said I didn't, I actually rarely write due to dyslexia and also have never bitten a pen since I was a toddler. Eventually they concluded that I must be grinding my teeth in the night without knowing. I knew that I didn't as I don't have any wear on my teeth, my jaw isn't most sore in the morning, I didn't have a headache but it was a very localized pain to just one side of my jaw, plus my gf who is a light sleeper and sleeps less than me confirmed she never heard, or saw, me grind my teeth etc. However the Dr clearly would not believe me and was not willing to change their mind. So I agreed to their treatment of a night splint, got the mould done, wore it for I think it was 9 months. Then at my checkup I said that my symptoms were exactly the same and brought my splint to show that it had zero wear. They seemed genuinely surprised and in an odd delivery "informed" me that as there was no wear to the splint that meant that I was not grinding my teeth and "explained" how my symptoms didn't fit. They also had no other explanation or any ideas at all for my jaw but I was relieved that least they believed me and had made an accurate conclusion.
Recently I tend to take a similar approach of waiting a lot of my time proving things to people when they don't listen to my words.
For example I am an electric wheelchair user and was looking to get a car that had a ramp I could drive up and park in. My father and I did preliminary research and realized that as I am tall and my wheelchair is large, I would probably require a large vehicle, or a modded longer wheelbase. Whem the first car person (I can't remember their title sorry) came out we mentioned that we would like a car as small as possible, for easier handling and to fit into regular car spaces (my father also drives a van and knows how height and length limit parking options significantly) but that we were concerned that the average cars would not be large enough to accommodate my wheelchair height or length. The car person said that I would not need a larger car at all and would definitely fit in the regular sized one, they said they seem people my size for in all the time. I foolishly belived this, they were experienced and seemed so sure, so I looked forward to getting a nice small car.
That was until the first visit trying said small car and it was comical, like a skit of a tall person getting into an clown car, only unlike human legs I am unable to bend my wheelchair! The car person told me to drive further forward and when I said I was as far forward as possible they stomped around to the front, stared at my legs, seemed shocked and agreed that I was indeed as far forwards as my legs/feet would allow. So the car person had another car suggestion, same problem this time, only despite the back of my wheelchair clearly sticking out of the back of the car, they insisted on trying to close the car door and of course it didn't magically make me and my wheelchair fit!
I reiterated that maybe I needed a larger car and they didn't say much but when they turned up with a 3rd tiny car, one so short I could even drive in without removing my headrest and ducking, I was perplexed. Getting frustrated and wondering how many too small cars I would have to try, we tried another company but encountered the exact same issue! One of them, when I did a standing transfer from my wheelchair to the car chair, they explained "you are tall aren't you" which makes me internally face palm. In the end I did find a car large enough, and indeed it did have to be overly large to accommodate my large wheelchair but due to the car people's poor critical thinking skills it delayed me getting my car for over a year.
However this sort of showing the person proof isn't always possible and sometimes the proving causes further negatives to me, which I wish to avoid.
So about my recent problem:
Ivisited the dentist, I had a piece of tooth which cracked off that clearly needes to be filled, which the dentist agreed and they did my checkup at the same time. However I mentioned that a front tooth also has a surface hole and did something need to be done? (In the past they wait until it gets bad to fill it.) The dentist looked and said it wasn't a hold but rather was a filling next to it which was making it appear like a hole. I explained that I had been using a toothpick to dig food out of the hole and that it sinks into said hole. I also mentioned that it used to be discoloured but I scraped it a lot. They said it was just discoloured and was definitely not a hole but they could file down the filling next to it if I wanted, which would happen at another appointment in the future.
When I got home I took a pointy tool and dragged it across my tooth horizontally, from the side of the tooth without the filling, and it very clearly slid smoothly then suddenly jumped down into the hole in my tooth. I contemplated demonstrating this to the dentists but I don't know how to convince the dentist that there is a hole there. Or how they are unable to see something I feel is quite obviouse.
Any and all feedback will be appreciated.

This has been the strangest situation and all the vets are bewildered. Any help would be much appreciated. It’s long so I apologize, but I’m desperate! I’m typing this up going day by day to keep it organized, but things start getting the weirdest on Saturday.
Background on him: I have a very beloved 6.5 year old golden retriever named Calvin who has always been very healthy and happy. He’s never had any illnesses or injuries. He’s slightly chubby (boy LOVES his food lol) but it’s not caused any issues and we were just going to go on some extra walks this summer to shed any extra pounds. He is the most easy going, sweet, loving, HAPPY dog ever.
We left on Friday, May 24th for a vacation. Calvin stayed at our house with our wonderful and trust worthy dog sitter (so please no theories against the dog sitter, she loves him and plus we have cameras anyway. He was in great hands).
Sunday & Monday: He was perfectly fine the day we left. Sunday night, Calvin woke her up off and on through out the night vomiting and having diarrhea. She was sweet to him and assumed he just had an upset stomach and let us know. (He never gets separation anxiety or anything when we leave, so it wasn’t related to anxiety). She kept an eye on him throughout the day. He wasn’t eating (which like I said, he loves food so this was extremely odd but if he had a belly ache I assumed it was just nausea). That evening (on Memorial Day), she called us and said she wanted to take him to the vet because his stool now looked like strawberry jam. They went to the vet and the on-call vet came in and did blood work and X-rays. Everything looked fine so he sent them home with some nausea meds and said to bring him back the following afternoon for another check up.
Tuesday: Dog sitter updates us Tuesday morning that he didn’t vomit anymore but still no eating and he’s just wanting to lay outside instead of in the house. She said he would NOT come inside (very unlike him) and she spent an hour just trying to get him to come in (again, she loves him dearly so it’s not like he’s scared of her or anything like that). Eventually, she gets him inside. When time to go to the vet at 1:30, she said it took 3 vet techs to get him out of the car and inside. Again, very out of character because he loves going places and can’t get out of the car fast enough. Even the vet’s office. Vet does more x rays and blood work. Vet calls us and says he still doesn’t see a blockage or anything, but says that he does see some gas build up. He suggests he stay overnight and tells us that if he doesn’t start getting better by the following day, he may want to do an exploratory surgery to make sure there isn’t anything he swallowed that isn’t showing up on x rays. Of course we are just wanting to come home at this point, but vet assures us he’s in great hands and we trust him so we continued on our trip for the next couple days. I attached the pictures of the X-ray on Monday the 26th, and Tuesday the 27th.
Wednesday: X-rays look the same but Calvin still is sick. They do the surgery and let us know that it went well and they do not find any obstructions. Vet says they can now start aggressively treating the colitis (he explained Collitis to me as just inflammation in the bowel which can cause diarrhea and upset stomach) now that they’ve ruled out a blockage.
Thursday-Friday: Calvin is recovering well from surgery, starting to get some appetite back, and getting more energy. He goes on super short walks every 2 hours for potty breaks and he loves them. All is looking well. Vet says he can go home Saturday morning. He thinks he’ll perk up more at home with us.
Saturday morning: We are on our way back home and dog sitter picks Calvin up from the vet so he can be home when we get back. She sends us lots of pics of him walking inside and being happy to be home. She said he uses the bathroom outside, drinks lots of water, then plops down for a long nap.
Saturday afternoon: We get home. He is laying down in the living room but his head is up and tail is wagging. Still super out of character because normally he’s all over us when we come home from any trip and this time he didn’t get up. We chalk it up to him having surgery 3 days prior.
Saturday evening: Sleeping and hasn’t moved out of the spot he was in when we arrived. Lifts his head a lot and accepts all the attention and pets with a wagging tail still. He is not eating but dog sitter said he nibbled on a few pieces out of her hand she had given him earlier. He is drinking though. When it’s time to go to bed (he sleeps in our room every single night on his dog bed- he has NEVER not slept with us) he won’t get up to use the bathroom or to come to bed. When we try to help him up, it’s like his limbs don’t work at all. I called the vet (they were closed so I spoke to another on-call vet) and they gave some tricks to try (like gently rolling him over to the carpet and off the hard wood to have more friction to stand up, etc). None worked, he would NOT stand up despite seeming uncomfortable like he had to pee. Vet said let’s give him the night to rest, maybe he’s just exhausted and still a little doped up on pain meds plus sore from surgery. He sleeps through the night but never moves from that spot, we took turns laying beside him in the living room.
Sunday morning: Calvin appears to want to get up but simply cannot stand up. On-call vet says since he still isn’t standing we need to bring him in immediately. My dad has to come over to help my husband and I lift Calvin on a blanket into the car. Calvin pees on himself some (which I would too if I hadn’t peed in 12+ hours!) The vet brings out a gurney for him and takes him straight back to do blood work, more X-rays, etc. Vet says nothing in any lab work seems too out of the ordinary. Says he has some activity in his chest and a slight cough (he wasn’t coughing at home but we did notice as we sat at the vet with him that he would clear his throat every now and then). She emptied his bladder (it was huge, poor baby) and said once she did that he seemed to be pretty comfortable and wasn’t in pain so the not standing likely wasn’t due to any pain from the surgery from Wednesday. She says we need to leave him overnight because this is obviously a very concerning issue and he needs to be able to have his bladder emptied, they need to make sure he’s eating, and all the things. We agree of course.
Monday morning update: He’s up and walking slowly and using the bathroom on his own. He is eating the soft food that they’ve been giving him and seems to love it. Vet asks us if he’s been having any pain in his back legs beforehand and we assure her that no, he was active and playful with zero pain that we were aware of. She says his back legs appear to be the main issue of the not standing for now. She also said his blood work showed a little bit of something she wanted to keep an eye on with his liver (but she said it was nothing to worry about, basically they’re just paying attention to every little thing to try and figure out the problem).
Tuesday afternoon: Vet says Calvin is doing great and can come home but will need to come back on Friday to look at him again. Sends us home with the food he’s been on there, 2 antibiotics (one for his slight cough and one for his belly) a probiotic, and he will continue his pain meds as needed. Says we may need to start an arthritis medicine but we will wait a bit on that. What she was looking at in his liver seems fine, still no findings on why any of this has occurred.
Tuesday evening: Calvin is home and much better than last time but definitely not himself still. He walks extremely stiffly now and has trouble using the bathroom because his legs shake. Definitely has major trouble standing up if laying on the hardwood. My husband and I said he looks like he’s aged 10 years in a week. He isn’t even close to the playful and active dog he was before, even though he still seems to be in good spirits and happy. Still not super interested in food but drinking lots of water and peeing like every 30 seconds. Vet said that’s pretty normal coming off of IV fluids. Tuesday night he sleeps in our room like he always has but is slightly restless through the night.
That brings us up to speed with now. All of his symptoms seem so unrelated and disconnected to me?! Started super healthy and active, and in the span of a week can hardly walk and get around anymore. His back legs are causing him a lot of pain. And the vomiting and diarrhea at the beginning? All of it is so confusing and I just want SOME form of answers to figure out what is going on with our sweet baby.

I've had digestive issues, ulcers, and an eating disorder for years, slow digestion, nervous tummy, all the doctor's have said it's just my anxiety. I'm 26 now, I work and go to school full time with no family support.
About a year ago my nutrition got so badly after massive weight loss, my hair fell out, I got a bunch of cardiovascular symptoms like fainting/heartbeat/anxiety attacks, not a low enough weight for a concern or direct plan of treatment. Mental health referrals.
Six months ago I started having blood pressure issues, blood sugar levels, hemoglobis fine, potassium 3.1, other micronutrients insufficient, unintended weight loss, pain in my chest/ribs/alternating upper lower back, kidney areas that feel worse than menstrual cramps, my bowels are like pudding and had melena when I was recently in the hospital.
Two weeks ago I ate lasagna as normal and started feeling feverish during the night. By morning I could not stop vomiting 6+ quarts of fluids and the chest pain was immense. I went to the ER and was admitted for the day, sent home. Further attack the next day went to ER again, was admitted for 3 days, given Dilaudid, blood work, testing, CT, ultrasound.
Gallbladder stones present but not obstructed Gastrisis Thick Uterine Lining (was ovulating but referral to OB is being heavy pushed by my provider and General Surgeon)
I was released after I could stop violently vomiting and feeling sick to my stomach, nauseous, and actually eat food/drink water, and my referrals to Gastro are on a wait-list until March of next year with my insurance.
I'm in so much pain, I can't sleep, my attack is constant even though they said my gallbladder stones are there but not obstructed, it's not super inflammed, but I'm miserable. I am SO weak, fatigued, I get so mant dreadful thoughts and emotions at night, I can't pee on command it's delayed, I'm constipated and my stomach is constantly churning, the pain doesn't go away from my kidney areas, my chest feels pressure, I don't have an appetite really, my hormones feel off, I feel off in my body.
I went to an appointment with GS yesterday and told they can operate on my my Thursday. After reading my ER charts she decided the gastrisis and infection should be treated first and I can come back in two weeks and we discuss surgery since I don't have gallbladder inflammation, I just have gallstones, and my ANA levels to be referred to Rheumatology and Gastroenterology in the meantime, and make sure to get treatment ✨ for my anxiety ✨ and that the Sucralfate, Pantoprazole, Cirpofloxacin, and metroNIDAZOLE will help with the infection and pain.
My stomach is bloated, gassy, noisy, discomfort, feels sore, gross, my kidneys are constantly pinching me, what the hell do I do until June 18? I have my last hydro today prescribed from the ER, I want to have a breakdown after 20+ phone calls to Gastro/Rhu within a two hour drive, all waitlists until November or April with my state insurance that I have because my full time job scheduled me just qualifying for part time to not have their Union covered insurance. 🤡
Do I just go back to the ER if I lose my absolute mind or feel like the pain is too much? June 18th, guys.

I'm a professional singer dealing with chronic sore throat issues for almost 2 years now. It's really bad. My talking voice suffers severely, many and recently almost most days I can't or it's very hard to sing. I can hardly talk to people. I wake up and my throat is just shot, I know that I have LPR, and it is causing issues. But even on a very strict acid diet, and taking a ton of precautions like sleeping very uncomfortably elevated, it's not fixing it. Although when I drop those measures it gets much worse. My doctor recommended I get a sleep study but I don't have insurance nor money for that... I am also young and very healthy other than these issues so it seemed like a long shot. But I have always dealt with asthma and remember years ago very worried about me just kind of forgetting to breath casually. I would be awake, thinking about anxietys trying to fall asleep and then realizing I'm not breathing, and it felt so unnatural to force it. I'd also gasp in the middle of the night. I was a teenager at the time and I forgot about it as my asthma improved. But it made me recently look into apnea and snoring affect on the throat. And considering I also have been losing a lot of my energy and memory of the past 2 years it clicked that maybe I am not breathing in the middle of the night. I also my remembered girlfriend telling me I just sound like I'm choking sometimes, never hit me that snoring is "normal" but choking isn't. Point is I bought the Wellue o2 ring, I know it isn't that accurate but I thought I could figure it out. I've done it for a few nights and I've had a few of them with no significant drops, one or two with 2-3 small 96-90 drops, and then last night I had 1 drop shortly after bed from 96 to 88. And I woke up in so much throat pain. Does anyone have any clue how I should view my situation. I know the ring is far from definitive at this point and one drop is nothing. But something about this is making me think I must be snoring a lot and losing air (and sleep) at night. Maybe I need to just pay to get a sleep study. I did see some people saying just buy a second hand cpap and try it. I am a crafty person. So this is my current plan IF the ring continues to display results like or worse than this. I bought the ring first to give me an idea of what's going on. I can get a very common one for 200$ and could just try it. But with one drop it feels very extreme 😂 but I need to get my singing back as it's severely affecting my career. https://i.imgur.com/FAPw65r.jpeg Here is the screenshot of ViHealth app

You never hear of any women that are targeted individuals are thatvwere targets in the past when single women are targeted the most off of thebsobcalled watch list. All they show on the new are armed male shooters which are usually black males that are shooting up places where there are adults then there will be white males thatvate shooting up places where there are children. Thats all they show on the tv about anyone being targeted rhen they always make it seem like the shooter was nuts on drugs ir maybe even both. The women and children that are targeted for no apparent reason are never talked about on television so most people never even hear about them. Sometimes entire families are placed on the watchlist then targeted and hunted down for not even doing anything wrong. Yet and still they have their lives torn apart, every aspect of a targets life is turned upside nomatter how old you are once your put on that list. Here I am a single female 45 years so thats the reasonor excuse some people give me now. Since im older and single im targeted, whuch us funny because I can remeber my targeting as far back as grade school. Now that not just being followed and harassed that with directed energy weapons making me sick. So age does not matter nor does gender. People will harm, kill, stalk you on and offline, cause chaos, slander your name, be hateful, hell they will move right next day off and on to get close to you and really be that creep like those that stalk me always do.......all for a few bucks.....money is everything to these people.
Its funny because I can go to to the worae area and go rent a windowless shack and someone will have a brand new car and start sleeping in the parking lot. They will have nice cars no matter where im at even if the area is shitty where most people wouls drive nice cars.....even if they dont they stand out like a sore thumb

Hi guys,
So I've been having issues with my posture for the past few years. All around my body i have trigger points and hard lumps of muscle that are somewhat relieved when I use a lacrosse ball or foam roller, but afterwards it always comes back, sometimes within a few minutes.
I have various problems going on with my body, and I've been trying to get to the bottom of it for honestly around 3 years. throughout this time i have gone to visit a few Physical therapists. The thing is that some most of them clearly just seem to follow some sort of script instead of actually understanding and getting to the bottom of the problem. I saw no improvement seeing physios and just given the usual rehab exercises like glute bridges and some stretches etc...
Throughout the 3 years that I have been researching and trying different things to get better, i must admit that i have some done something consistently for lets say more than a month straight. This is because my body twists and loses balance or the wrong muscles start working when I'm attempting to do certain exercises, that it puts me off completely, the depression it brings in real. Especially because throughout my whole life i have been quite sporty, mainly played football and regular gym throught my life, I am now 35 and started playing and stayed active since I was at least 5.
I am also a qualified PT so I have a good understanding of what muscles should be working and what i should feel when performing exercises. Especially because i used to feel them before.
So below I will write down from feet to head what my symptoms are.
Feet Left Foot - Cannot feel heel, Poor control of toes, Big toe drifts inwards, Foot feels stuck on plantar flexion Right Foot - Over pronation, Cannot feel heel, Poor toe control, Big toe drifts inwards, feet feels stuck in plantar flexion
Ankles Both - Completely stiff, Dorsiflexion is an effort and there's a pinching feeling at the top of the foot when i attempt it.
I know for a fact my Hips ankle and feet are out of alignment, you can visibly see it, and i feel it when i walk, sit, or make any kind of movement to be honest. Even laying down is uncomfortable because its as if my body is a string of cooked spaghetti and I'm just twisted everywhere.
Lower Legs
Left - I believe internally rotated, Tight calf (burning sensation) Very hard to do calf raise (start shaking), very hard to do Tibialis raise (ankle seems restricted and I have to point my feet to side, literally one pointing West and the other East to feel anything in my Tibialis. Painful and hard trigger points & muscle bumps.
Right - I believe is externally rotated. Tighter calf than the left. Hard to do calf raise, same as left leg with tibialis and trigger points & muscle bumps. Overall feels stronger than left leg.
Upper Legs
Left - Quads - EXTREMELLY TIGHT & burning sensation especially when sitting and straight after waking up. Very tender and painful (the good pain) when foam rolling or massage balling feels better afterwards. Definitely overactive. Adductors inactive & trigger points with muscle bums. HAMSTRINGS inacative. Trigger points outer and inner edge of knee. Very hard to actively flex quads, other muscles come into play.
Right - Quads - Tight, very painful (good pain) when foam rolling and massage balling relief afterwards. Burning sensation but not as much as left leg. Hamstrings very tight (painful and very hard muscle bumps) relief when foam rolling. Hard to flex quad too. Very tender outer knee, gets sore and hurts if i do running after about 2 k, and will stay sore and tender for the next few days. Adductors are exptremely tight, to the point that when im walking my right like feels as if its rolled in towards the middle of my body and my left leg is just being dragged along.
Hips
Left Hip - Overactive abductors, glute med feels tight and overactive, every sort of movements around the hip area seems to come from the left glute med and right lower back. After an X-ray it was conclued that my left leg is shorter than the right by a few mms i think around 7mm. But i am sure that this is due to postural issues and not skeletal issues.
Right Hip - Glute med completely switched off and weak and all abductors. adductors very overactive cannot switch them off, all movement from right leg seems to be done by the hip flexors of that leg.
Glutes
Left glute - Somewhat inactive, weak and tight, although i am not sure if it is actually tight because i have a hard time when attempting to stretch. But when i find a good spot to stretch it, it does feel more relaxed.
Right glute - Completely switched off, like zero action there. No matter what exercise i try, its impossible to feel anything, feel it all either on my left glute med, right lower back and lats or and mainly the hip flexors. It depends on which exercise im attempting.
Abs & Midsection
Overall the abs feel tight as if im constantly tensing them, but at the same time weak. The area below my belly button, around the pubic area, that part of the muscle is completely comatose too and feels super tight.
Lower back, super super super super tight. when i place my hands on my lower back i can feel that the right side is way more developed and is active, whereas on the left it seems switched off and flat. Plenty of trigger points and hard bumpy knots.
Left obliques and whole left midsection feels stretched and super weak, on the right side its the opposite tight and overactive. when i walk i literally feel like my upper body is leaning to the right as if its being pulled down into my hip.
Chest & shoulders
Left, this one has been hard to self diagnose, but the chest is weak tight and comatose. impossible to feel door stretch on pecs because lower back takes over. Shoulders are completely comatose, plenty of trigger points and hard bumps all around. internal rotation seems off. but external rotation does not active the rear delt for some reason, feels almost like the left lat is doing the movement.
Right side - Extremelly tight and rolled inwards and forwards. zero external rotation at the shoulder. Right shoulder sits lower than the left shoulder. Hard and painful tigger points on the shoulder.
Arms
Both left and right are very tight at the forearms. Foreams have millions of trigger points all around. Right arm has painfuçl and very tender innner elbow. Both biceps are extremely tight all the way up to the shoulder. Cannot lift both arms overhead without making an effort and arching my lower back and feeling tension all around the shoulders and neck. triceps are comatose, no matter what exercise i do, i cant seem to get them to activate. Biceps take over the movement.
Upper back -
Plenty of trigger points to go around. all over, especially around the shoulder and neck area. Back muscles are extremely weak, whenever i try to do back exercises, the lower back takes over or some other muscle will take over. And because my arms and forearms are so tight and i cannot bend or extend my elbows in the correct way, the movement just seems completely off. Its gotten to the point that when i attempt to do face pulls at the gym i get conscious that people are looking at me because of the weird positions i have to put my arms and upper body in to even attempt to feel anything.
Neck,
definitely have forward head posture, the front of my neck muscles are so tight that my chin feels as if its constatly trying to rest on my upper chest. very very very painful and tender trigger points on the side of the neck the scalenes i believe. The left side always feel like its hiked up and the right , well i dont even know how to descbribe the feeling. Like its trying to glute and twist it self to the uppfer trap.
Scapulas
zero control over those.
Face and jaw
i have tightness in some areas, and i believe i have trigger points in my jaw muscles especially on the right. i get relief wjhen i apply pressure there.
Right guys, so as you can see i have a hundred problems going on. But i do really believe that this stems from one thing and then the rest came as compensation. But getting to know what it actually is is what the problems is for everyone i guess.
what has caused me temporary relieve is when i somehow manage to activate my right glute, that one there really seems to be the cause of something. But then it just goes as quick as it came.
Could you share some ideas as where to go from here, and perhaps a routine to follow. There is so much wrong that i dont know where to start.
I wish i had someone with similar problems where we could motivate each other and share ideas. If anyone is insterested let me know.
Sorry for the typos im at work about to leave and didnt have time to correct them.
P.S, i work at a desk 9-5 and i game which doesnt help
thank you guys

Synopsis: Markus is summoned from Earth by evil beings looking for a 'weak and primitive' creature to use as sacrificial entertainment. What they got instead was a human. Immediately after arriving, Markus awakens to an ability so rare, so powerful that it makes every god on Firellia desperate to recruit him as their new champion.
Learning to control his innate mastery over mana, Markus will devour the very essence of any monster, demon, or god that dares get in his way, determined to never lose his freedom again.
——
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“Hello, mortal. Have I come at a bad time?”
Markus stared up at the glowing golden paragon of divine energy stood before him, then glanced back at the flaming helldog that had tried to kill him not minutes before. He sighed.
“Nope. Now’s a good time. Sorry the place is a mess. Haven’t had a chance to clean up recently, and the maid’s not due for another week.”
Markus gestured to the small cell around him, covered in shards of broken plate and his recently spilled blood, as the god began to crack a knowing smile, his eyes glowing eerily bright.
“Oh! A joke! Ahahahaha!”
With a deranged grin, the god then proceeded to walk through the bars as if they didn’t exist, their materials apparently not phasing him in the slightest as he strutted inside and conjured a pair of ornate chairs, one behind Markus and another behind himself.
“Be seated.”
By the time Markus’ body had finished being forced into the chair, he blinked, and found himself to be somewhere other than the dimly lit cell he’d came from entirely.
The two of them sat on a high balcony in view of a vast, gilded city. A harbour in the near distance rang loud with the cry of fishmongers, shipwrights, traders, and taverngoers.
Gulls squawked their presence low and high, and chatter and busy merriment seized the entire periphery as far as Markus could see.
Directly below him were the gardens of what appeared to be a grand, silvery palace, the building flanked by extravagant houses and districts with beautiful architecture, though none seemed to rival the sheer splendour of this place.
It was a home fit for a lord. Perhaps a king.
“Well? What do you think?”
Markus snapped to attention, eyes adjusting to the visage of the deity sat opposite him.
“It’s a neat party trick,” he said. “Wish I could just make a chair out of thin air.”
“Hah!” the god barked, a menacing smile upon his face. “Do you always resort to sarcasm when you’re afraid?”
“Mainly when I’m bored,” Markus answered.
“Ahahahahah!” the god cackled without opening his mouth, smiling toothily the whole time. It was perhaps one of the creepiest things Markus had ever seen. “I’m glad I chose to meet you!”
“I’m… happy you’re happy?”
“Naturally!” the god snapped his fingers again, then made two dishes appear before the pair of them, both with stylishly adorned silver lids. “Three guesses for what kind of a god I am. Try! Try.”
Markus stared straight at him, ignoring the dish, intensely aware he’d had nothing to eat or drink besides a slice of cheese since arriving. “Well, you keep conjuring shit out of thin air, so… creation god?”
“What?” the glowing creature narrowed his eyes. “No, don’t be silly. Any god worth their salt can do that. Frankly, I’m insulted to be compared to such a lesser god.”
While the tonal shift was brief, Markus felt it in the god’s reaction. This being could wipe him out on the spot before Markus would even become aware of his killing intent. He needed to watch himself.
The god tutted. “No more guesses? Fine. My name is Randall. Benevolence is the virtue I extol.”
As if to exemplify this, he lifted the coverings off of both lids, revealing what looked to be tomato soup sitting within the bowl facing Markus, and some kind of steak on the plate on Randall’s end. Grabbing a pair of utensils, Randall began to carve his steak.
“Okay… but how do I fit into that?” Markus asked, keeping his eyes off the bowl of warm, rich-smelling soup as best he possibly could. “A war god or something, I’d get, but why does a benevolence god want an arena fighter?”
The moment the words ‘war god’ escaped his lips, Markus heard the knife scrape harshly against Randall’s plate. “Well, the answer to that is rather simple.” Randall regained his composure quickly, taking a small bite of his bloody meat and smiling as he chewed. “Your performance at the arena exemplified my virtue. You brought the one true gift to that walking abomination for all to witness! Yes, you did!”
Markus shuddered as the gears in his brain began to turn. “...death? Does a benevolence god deal in death?”
“A God of Benevolence deals in gifts, and in the matter of gifts that aren’t repaid, he deals in debts.” Randall tutted once more, wiping his lips as blood ran down his chin. “I’m not interested in your capacity as a warrior. No. What interests me most is your ability.”
“What about it?” Markus was guarded, as he should’ve been. There was no telling what Randall did or didn’t know. If he was going to have to bargain for his soul, then such information wasn’t something he was about to give up readily.
“What about it?” Randall’s eyes bugged. “Hah! What about it…” He leaned forwards, as if he were about to share a grand secret. “You know what you did to that creature when you touched it, don’t you?”
“I took some of its energy,” Markus stated coolly.
“You claimed its essence!” Randall laughed, kicking his legs with glee. “The very thing that makes it whole, you took from it! Imagine, with refinement, what you might take from those who owed something to you! Their money, their magic, their blood, their youth, their laughter, their joy, their senses and memories and perhaps even their soul!” Randall grinned even wider, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Imagine having such power over one bound to you. The versatility of such a thing, the finesse of it. I want you to be my collector.”
Markus took a few moments to process what Randall was telling him. Try as he might, he wasn’t able to force the grimace from his face permanently. “You’re telling me you can’t do all of that yourself, then?”
“Your ability is special. Some of my assumptions on its potential might be a tad fanciful, but I’m rarely wrong! I could take your limbs from you, your sight, your ears, your tongue, your life—” he listed them off on one finger after the next as he spoke, “—but to access the contents of one’s mind, magic, and spirit is all too sadly beyond me. Such artistry would be so beautiful to witness.”
“You want me to… torture people? To settle debts that they owe you? As you watch?”
Randall frowned. “When you put it like that, you make it sound crass.” He clicked his fingers once more, and a system notification popped up. “Peruse it at your leisure. I doubt you’ll find a better offer.”
“...you mean you can’t force me to accept?”
Randall grit his teeth, his fork bending a little. “Read the offer. This palace is just the start of it.”
Markus pressed ‘no’ before he could even begin to know what he was missing out on.
“Wha—d-did you mean to do that?!”
“Yes. I’m terribly sorry, but I’m not interested.”
“You have to be interested! Did you not see what I was willing to pay you? I demand that you reconsider!”
“I’m not interested,” Markus stated, arms crossed. “I’d rather waste away in the arena than help fulfill your sick dreams. I don’t care what you’d give me.”
“Oh, would you?” Randall snarled, his eyes turning dark, the grin on his face dissipating in a mist of anger. “I’m your only ticket out of this forsaken world, the most powerful and generous of the gods, the one who would offer the most for your service! And you dare to turn me down?!”
“You don’t sound powerful from where I’m sitting,” Markus said. “You sound like a whiny child that can’t handle not getting his way.” He shrugged his shoulders as Randall seethed before him, his voice as calm as he could manage. “I’ve said no. Are you gonna kill me for that, or can I go back to my life of mortal danger?”
“Go? Now?” Randall laughed maniacally. “You haven’t even eaten your soup yet! You really should eat it first.”
“I don’t want my soup. I want to go back to—” Markus found his words cut short as he lurched forwards in his seat, his face hovering pendulously over the warm bowl of soup. “I want…”
“You cannot refuse a gift from me.” Randal snarled, his body glowing bright. “You will finish it before you leave.”
Before Markus could even react, his head was dunked into the soup bowl. He struggled and thrashed, but he could feel his mind being compelled to drink greedily. It wasn’t the force of a magic spell holding him down, from what he could tell, for his system hadn’t absorbed anything, but simply a command he had neither the mental fortitude nor the ability to overcome or override.
Markus refused to be humiliated so easily. He brought the mana within his body to bare, attempting everything, pushing it towards his lips and trying to enact a barrier of frost, then attempting to melt the bowl when that didn’t work, holding his breath as his arms and legs locked in place, refusing to move, to work as he instructed, as all the while Randall hovered over him, laughing gleefully.
“That’s alright, mortal! If you do not wish to work for me, then you can at least entertain me! Eat, dog! Eat!”
This was bad. He was going to lose consciousness soon if he didn’t do something, drowned in a fucking soup bowl. Was his pride really worth so much that he was willing to die over it? No, but he couldn’t lay down and be walked over. There was no point in fighting to survive in this world if it meant constantly being at the whims of a cruel piece of shit like this.
He still had Divine Mana within his repertoire, but he wouldn’t waste it unless he had to. He had a feeling it might help counteract this effect, but he couldn’t be sure, and he knew that A Grade mana was likely the most valuable thing he possessed by a mile.
If he was going to find a way out of this, he’d have to do it fast, as all the while as he attempted to think, his mind was slipping, his lungs filling with monoxide as he struggled to stay conscious.
He opened his mouth. Allowed the bowl to slowly drain. He worked his body in overdrive to attempt to put a provision in place, to keep himself conscious as he fought his way through this predicament. There was only so much he could do. Only so much preparation he could put in place and so little time to do it in.
“That’s it. Finish it all! Drink it before I drown you in it!”
He wasn’t sure if it would work. He wasn’t sure if he’d waited too long, if he’d even avoid drowning or at the very least permanent damage after being submerged for so long.
Even still he forced himself to keep going. This was a trial he had to beat, and while Markus swallowed gulp after gulp of hot, viscous soup, he listened intently to the chiding rambles of Randall as he stood over him, spectating Markus’ torture and revelling in his own handiwork.
Markus paid special attention to where he stood. He waited until the bowl was finally drained, and found that once the bowl was empty, once he could breathe again, once he could finally move…
Markus turned in a flurry of motion. He’d been doing everything to keep the cyromancy within his own body alive, chilling his esophageous and forcing the soup to remain in place. His nostrils burned. His sinuses were on fire.
He leaned into Randall, the last mouthful still bulging in his cheeks, and with a surge of force, spat the contents of the bowl all over the god’s perfect white robes.
Markus slumped in his seat right after, panting, staring up at the disfigured god, who looked as if he were about to combust from pure, seething rage.
He’d had to swallow his pride for a moment. That didn’t mean he had to swallow the soup.
“What have you… what have you done to me?!” Randall screeched, wiping furiously at his once-pristine robes with both hands, only making the matter worse, spreading tomato sauce everywhere.
“It’s a gift,” Markus said between coughs, his throat in fresh agony. “It’s impolite to refuse a gift, right?”
“Grr… enough of this!”
With a blink and another cough, Markus found himself back in his dingy cell, falling to the hard stone ground. The dog flinched as the two of them materialised, scurrying back as soon as it saw Randall.
“I will not kill you here. I will not put you out of your misery so easily. You have refused my offer, besmirched my name, disrespected me, refused my hospitality, and defaced my godly visage...”
Randall turned, walking through the bars once more, flicking tomato soup off of his hands as he went.
“Such a debt must be repaid in full. Enjoy your new life here, mortal.”
And with that, Randall left, but not before fixing the melted bars in his cell with a small flick of his hand. There was that escape route gone.
Fuck…
[Title unlocked: Grand Defier. You have refused the compelment of a Divine Virtue and lived to tell of it. Your spirit has increased by 5, and your body may bolster a small resistance to a Divine Virtue once per week.]
A title? That was new…
Markus hadn’t gotten one of those until now. He hadn’t even gotten one for killing the bulleater. To think that such an outlandish thing was required to unlock a title was incredible, but the knowledge that he’d gotten at least some benefit from making enemies with Randall was placating to say the least.
He wondered if he might’ve been able to handle things with Randall more diplomatically. He was almost sure it wouldn’t have mattered. Regardless of how respectful he might’ve been, that god would’ve always taken anything other than Markus agreeing to be his torturer as a slight and an insult. There was no way forwards but to refuse, not if he wanted to maintain who he was.
Markus was sat in his cell alone for all of twenty minutes before another god showed up. He still had skill points to spend and paths to figure out, but before he could even start thinking about any of that, fate decided to intervene once more.
The god cleared his throat. This one was short, round, and had silvery hair travelling all the way down to his waist.
“You’re the one from Earth, are you not?”
Markus simply gave a nod. His throat felt too sore for this.
“I am Maxen. I personify the virtue of Service. I’ve come here to discuss terms.”
Another god already? Great. The last one was a jumped up, sadistic debt collector…
Knowing Markus’ luck, this one was a crack dealer.
//
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A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed the conclusion! Not every god will be like Randal, just figured it's worth saying that here. Not all the gods are necessarily assholes, and some are even nice! As for the bad ones, some are more obviously assholes than others, but that's part of the fun!
Anyways, betcha didn't know if I was gonna post today, did ya? Neither did I! Luckily I got to and I'm here. Happy to get to share more story with y'all!
If you wanna help support me and this story, or you just can't wait for the next chapter, the next eight chapters of this story are available right now on my Patreon!

Salamwaleikum brothers and sisters,
I want to share with you all a situation I am currently living and at times feel some struggle but so far my faith and hope in Allah is shifting my thought process, although at times it is challenging to remain in positive hopefulness.
I grew up in a Latin American household and with Christian beliefs, but that never really meant anything as we all know that Latinos are very open minded, free to do what they please, live life in their own terms and we can safely say that our culture is very much a sensual, sexual and liberal society. As a teenager, I lived like many teenagers live in this world, on my own terms. Had boyfriends, used to drink, do recreational drugs, party and so on... you get the idea. Then when I was 18 I met a boy who ended up being the one I married.
I did my shahada in 2010 and married an Algerian man who I spent almost 15 years with. He wasn't a practicing Muslim, and neither was I. After our separation in 2021, I moved on with my life, without Islam of course. But I remained celibate, to myself, without a man's touch since. Although I was finally free from abuse and a toxic relationship, I took it as a time to get to know myself better as a single woman and to heal from everything I had gone through. I wasn't interested in the 'dating world', get to know men or give myself to anyone as society views as normal once you become single again. I have had no desire to do so and have been keeping to myself all this time.
I did however always felt emptiness in my heart. I felt like I couldn't bare living in my own skin. My anxiety levels were still through the roof, that cortisol belly was always antagonizing me because I could feel the build up of anxious stress levels rising in my body and would trigger racing thoughts and rapid heart beats and a feeling of unease that would consume me on a weekly basis. It would even go as far as waking me up in the middle of the night in panic. My heart felt like it was going to explode from such hard pounding in my chest. My mind would race uncontrollably with thoughts of worry and nothing would put me at ease, not even sleep.
I was miserable, and associated all of this with me still dealing with post traumatic syndrome because I was used to living in high alert when I was married to my ex husband (him being abusive).
I started searching videos on TikTok on how to treat anxiety symptoms and came across a video of a Muslim girl talking about how Istighfar changes peoples lives. I had never heard of Istighfar in my life, it got me intrigued, so I looked into it and suddenly my For You Page on TikTok were filled with videos on Islam. All I would see were Quranic verses, stories on the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and the many wonderful benefits of Islam.
I couldn't believe that in all the years being married to a Muslim, and being technically a revert Muslim myself, I was never taught, spoken of or shown interest in the wonders of this amazing religion that had to answers to all of my problems. So I took matters into my own hands at the end of April 2024. I started doing Istighfar and put it to the test and to my surprise I started noticing that I felt different. I felt like Allah was pleased with me and I felt like I wanted to please him more, so I started reading Qur'an. I started wanting to behave in ways that would protect me from the pleasures of this Dunya. Then I started thinking about prayer... I wanted to learn how to pray, because I didn't know, and I speak no Arabic so I thought it would be impossible for me to pray properly.
I pushed the idea of prayer up until my first prayer on the night of May 8th, 2024 -, Maghrib prayer and I felt so proud and fulfilled that I did Isha prayer as well and went to bed listening to Ayatul Kursi. What happened to me the next day has gotten me to where I still find myself today, in a weak and tiring state where I find myself battling my situation ever single day.
I woke up the next day with a sore throat. I woke up feeling achy and unrested. That same night, I started coughing. I didn't sleep all night from coughing so much. The day after that, fever, congestion, coughing, sneezing you name, I had it. I said Oh no! maybe I have Covid. I tested negative. Everyday that went by it got worse. I had migraine for 2 days straight. Then on day 5 I noticed some rattling on my chest, some wheezing. My lungs were making this weird noise. It scared me. The next day I couldn't breathe. I spent the whole day in bed in cold sweats, coughing to the point that my phlegm had blood. The day after that my breathing was heavy and I couldn't handle it anymore. Ended up in the hospital on oxygen and steroids to open up my airways. I was told I had bronchitis.
Although much better, I have been sick for almost a month now. I have been dealing with lots of headaches. The coughing is much better, but I am very congested. Since Monday, I have been dealing with an ear infection. It was so painful I cried. My face was warm from the ear infection. Today, headache again and lots of congestion and I feel tired, weak and desperate to feel better.
All of this to say, I haven't missed my prayers. Even when my head is pounding and my migraines are at its highest and it's time to do prayer, I do it laying down, or sitting down or in whatever way I can just to not miss it. After taking medication and not waking up on time, I do my prayer when I wake up. I know it's not perfectly done, but it concerns me not to pray. It's become my life now in such short amount of time. I ask Allah to give me the strength to continue and to please make me feel better.
The timing of it all seems peculiar to me, I wonder why now, that I finally turned to Islam, am I feeling my weakest, sometimes even hopeless because I have been sick for almost a month. I know bronchitis takes about 3 weeks before you feel better but now with the ear infection, it's as though these illnesses just keep coming my way when I already feel beaten up by all these viruses and migraines.
Thank you to all who have reached this point of my story. I just want to say that I pray we all continue to hold on to our faith and never be defeated because there is nothing more grandiose than Allah (SWT)

Synopsis:
An engineer from earth blends science and magic to achieve greatness in another world where skills and levels reign supreme.
—
Ethan was just a plain old engineer, but everything changed when he was reborn into a world of skills, levels, and magic. With his advanced knowledge far ahead of the time period he finds himself in, this new reincarnated life will be much different than his last, especially because he can construct, deconstruct, and reconstruct runes—something no one else can do.
But with royal politics, looming tax collectors, a mountain of debt, dungeon incursions, cults, and hostile fantasy races mixing together into a cocktail of bullshit that threatens to bury his dreams; Ethan must bridge the gap between steel and sorcery to grow stronger. — What to Expect:
- Weak to very strong progression with a Sword & Magic MC that kicks a whole lotta ass. - Fast pacing. A balance of action galore, politics, kingdom building, and slow-burn runecrafting. - Fun, satisfying moments. An extra shot of happiness when reading. Hardcore wish fulfillment. Hyper competent MC. - MC will trigger an industrial revolution, abolish slavery, revolutionize magic, modernize agriculture, communication, commerce, textile production, education, transportation, sanitation, weapons manufacturing, leisure & entertainment, and medicine. - Dark truths of a medieval-esque society going under change.
AN: Holy moly! #3 on Rising Star under a week?! Almost 3,000 followers – you guys are incredible. That's the bomb! Thank you for the ratings, reviews, comments, love, hate, everything. I appreciate the support I've been getting. It's so crazy to me that I achieved what I did in a week. It's absolutely bonkers and fills me with nothing but gratefulness for all you epic dudes and dudettes.
Join my Discord Server to have chat, bother me, ask me questions, or just genuine fun really - https://discord.gg/d57v5upvcx
First < Previous Next > (Royal Road)

Chapter 09

Note: this chapter is an important POV. DO NOT SKIP.
Juliana Lockheart sat perched on the edge of her plush bed. Draped in a silk robe the color of twilight, she exhaled smoke from her lips. Tonight, she couldn’t stop herself from lighting one. The cigar hung loosely from her lips as she read the letter in her hand with a smile. Her friend usually held icy control, but right now, as she read the letter, the princess of Solaris appeared to be ranting. How amusing.

Dearest Juliana,
Forgive the late hour. Our royal ravens, those feathered fiends, took to napping after a particularly daring breakfast heist from Fiona’s bowl. Speaking of the little monster, she is currently engaged in mortal combat with a particularly belligerent throw rug. A metaphor for our Empire, Solaris, perhaps? Though one far more entertaining.
Politics, Juliana, politics! A pox upon them!
Firstly, however, let me express my gratitude for the Starlight Herb you sent. It arrived in perfect condition—I can finally break through the barrier of Rank 6 and level up! I would hug you if you were here, I am that delighted. I had mentioned in my previous letter about my struggle to find this rare magical ingredient. Your thoughtfulness has saved me countless hours of searching. I am truly grateful.
Your letter arrived just as the sun was setting. Regardless, I must say, your inquiries about the Empire were most timely. The current state of affairs is as tumultuous as ever, but your interest brings a certain comfort.
The woes of the Empire know no bounds, nor sleep schedules. The Council chambers have become a viper’s den, with every faction angling for power and influence. The Zardonian trade talks are a mere sideshow to the true tempest brewing on the northern border. The interminable border dispute with the barbarians of the Frostlands seems on the precipice of boiling over once more. Their new chieftain, a brute by the name of Borstag, rallies his men with promises of plunder and glory. Father clings to peace like a limpet to a rock, but the Frost Marches grow bolder by the day, and his patience is wearing mighty thin with the inexperienced chieftain.
As always, our esteemed Council members bicker over tactics older than my grandmother’s corgi. That was sarcasm, by the way. Though one sorely needed. Expect a summons from your father soon. He would likely dispatch a delegation to your father, Lord Alexander, King of Obsidian, and knowing him, you’ll be the one trekking north.
The Asterian Empire has sent a new ambassador, a man named Volkov, whose reputation precedes him. They say he has a silver tongue and a heart as cold as the northern wastes. However, I find it delightful that the century long conflict with Asterians is coming to an end!
Now, onto the truly perplexing. Shahzada Amir Khan of a Sultanate from Zafir Empire in the south has taken to throwing veiled threats around since he arrived with a delegation. The man speaks with the bluster of a peacock yet carries the political acumen of a barnacle. Why the Sultan sent him here is beyond me. A jest, perhaps? A test of my much-restrained fist? Father insists on decorum, of course. Ugh. The indignity! I fucking hate it. I swear, the intrusive thoughts are almost enough to make one yearn for a good, old-fashioned beheading. But alas, diplomacy is the order of the day.
I confess, Juliana, I find myself envying your brother’s exile to the Bordertowns. At least he gets some fresh air and excitement. Here, I’m drowning in a sea of stuffy pronouncements and endless meetings. Regardless, a storm is brewing on the horizon, my friend. The memories of the last war fade with each generation, and some, particularly the younger nobles, are itching for a fight. Glory-hungry pups, the lot of them.
Write back soon, Juliana. Your wit is a life raft in this sea of suffocating etiquette.
With love and longing for a good brawl,
Elizabeth Solaris

After reading the letter, Juliana felt her fingers twitch. Elizabeth had no shortage of sharp intellect or courage, but sometimes the girl could use a bit of rest. Politics had turned her hair whiter, though, admittedly, the color suited the woman well.
As her mind wandered, so too did her eyes until, like magnets to a lodestone, they fell on the portrait of her little brother, Theodore. She sighed, then shook her head. What can I even do... Juliana clenched and unclenched a fist. If there was one thing she hated, it was being helpless. Regardless, the political landscape was as tumultuous as ever before. There wasn’t much anyone could do without falling into someone else’s trap. Still, the fact remained that a good third of the Council members seemed bent on starting a new war. Hopefully, the Emperor, Lucianos Solarian IV, would remain firm.
But as she turned her attention back to the letter, Juliana allowed her tense face to relax as a mischievous smirk appeared. She got up and moved over to her desk, writing a letter. Scribbling away at her reply, she laughed before she waved the sheet into the air until the ink had dried. Then she sealed the message with a wax seal of a lock. With practiced efficiency, Juliana tied it to the royal pigeon, gave a gentle stroke to its neck before tossing the bird in the air.
Her personal guard, Alessia, coughed from the side.
“Lady Juliana. Is Lady Elizabeth well?” Alessia, dressed in full ceremonial attire, smiled.
“As well as ever,” Juliana smiled, her short silver hair swaying as she chuckled.
“Then I’m sure the Empire will be fine. Sending her your reply, Lady Juliana?”
“Indeed,” Juliana replied. “Are we to start the interrogation anytime soon?”
They’d captured one of the Night Whispers, an infamous underground guild in Astra Lucis—the Capital of their kingdom, Obsidian. Obsidian was a kingdom under the Solaris Empire, and Juliana’s father was the king of said kingdom. Juliana wasn’t really one to call the kettle black, not when her family’s security forces used a good dozen such criminal organizations, but one group in particular was making quite the stink.
The problem wasn’t apprehending the man.
Rather, the difficulty came from breaking his will and having the rat reveal any names or, much more preferable, secret locations where his band of thieves stored the loot they had acquired over the past year.
Obsidian’s population stood at nearly a million souls, and it was one of the bigger Kingdoms under the Solaris Empire.
Alessia nodded to her query. “Yes, it should not be much longer, Miss Juliana,” Alessia nodded and scratched her cheek, an action that drew Juliana’s gaze. Alessia was a bear of a woman, large and imposing. In her youth, Juliana remembered the woman fighting off four young adventurers single-handed.
That memory never failed to give Juliana chills.
“What is it, Alessia?”
“Um, it was Lady Karmichael that brought him in. She might demand something, milady,” Alessia explained sheepishly.
Lady Karmichael wasn’t exactly an enemy but it was best not to have that woman poke around. Juliana knew the type very well.
“Let’s go,” Juliana grumbled, then marched off to find her meddlesome Aunt, Lady Karmichael. She found her in the torture room, much to her disappointment and annoyance.
“My dear child,” Lady Karmichael smirked as Juliana strode into the dimly lit room. “Fancy finding you here.”
Juliana rolled her eyes. The woman had a blindfold on and a glimmering knife in her hands. Juliana could see a dark patch of blood-stained the floor, and on the other side, the man she assumed was from the Night Whispers lay slumped against the wall. He had passed out, or was sleeping.
“Come now, don’t look at me with those beautiful eyes,” Lady Karmichael leaned in close, “this room will do you good.”
“No, thank you,” Juliana said flatly.
“So uptight,” Lady Karmichael sighed.
“Go annoy my father or mother with your antics, I beg you, aunt,” Juliana groaned, wanting nothing to do with this place, nor that woman’s meddling.
“Alas, I am all too curious about his story to leave now.”
“I hope you’re not expecting favors,” Juliana pointedly stared at her.
“What else are family good for?” the lady sighed dramatically. “But worry not, little niece, I brought some things that could... encourage his cooperation. Be a darling and have a look for me?” she requested while rummaging through a rather bulky satchel.
Juliana rubbed the back of her neck. There was no point trying to tell the older woman ‘no’. That would only encourage her. Better to pick her battles carefully. After all, Juliana could recall how much this woman practically thrived on chaos. There was that one summer when Juliana had been a child—Lady Karmichael had transformed a mundane game of hide-and-seek into... something else. Giggling like a banshee, she’d scattered them across the property, teleporting Theodore into the highest branches of an oak tree they used to have, his face turning green with fear, and Juliana herself somewhere else. Dark, cold, cupboard. It was a night of frustration and childish delight, all orchestrated by the woman’s uncanny ability, a power that both terrified and fascinated Juliana. Regardless, they’d denied playing the next day, and... Juliana shuddered. She didn’t dare recall those memories of torment as Lady Karmichael had refused their denial and proceeded to “play” anyway.
“Very well,” Juliana conceded. She didn’t hate her aunt, neither was the woman antagonistic. Just... insufferably annoying. As expected, she went straight for her tools.
“Oy, wake up, honey. I didn’t put enough poison in you to let you rot!” the woman said with a kind smile, kicking the passed-out captive, waking him up.
Juliana watched dispassionately—she held no sympathy for people like him.
“Where am I? How long was I out?” The man groaned as he opened his eyes.
“Doesn’t matter, honey,” Lady Karmichael beamed innocently at the groaning man. “Now, let us begin, shall we?”
The man’s face turned ashen, then as he most likely recalled what he’d gone through, he crawled back and screamed. He kept screaming, yet neither the sound nor his futile resistance stopped Lady Karmichael and her smile from approaching him.
“Hush now, you won’t even feel this, pinky promise,” she promised, turning a pleasant smile on her prey.
It took no longer than a few minutes for Lady Karmichael to get the man talking in a bubbling mess, although only in grunts. And a good half an hour more before he passed out again. In the meanwhile, Lady Karmichael seemed engrossed and blissfully unbothered.
“Well, wasn’t that something? Alessia, my dear,” Lady Karmichael spoke her final verdict and turned to face Juliana’s personal guardswoman, “is our good guest not just adorable, hmm?”
“...As you say, Lady Karmichael,” Alessia replied awkwardly.
Juliana, on the other hand, was deep in thought. The Night Whispers, it seemed, were based in one of the Bordertowns, Corinth, if the tortured man spoke the truth. They’d been behind a recent dungeon incursion there and were getting too powerful for their own good. Juliana narrowed her eyes. Looks like I’m gonna have to visit the Bordertowns before I’m off north. Thankfully, the Bordertowns happen to be in the north anyway.
“It is settled, my lovely Juliana” Lady Karmichael said smugly, placing both her hands on her hips.
“What’s settled?” Juliana looked at her curiously.
“You and I are heading to the north,” she laughed merrily.
“Huh, what?” Juliana raised an eyebrow. “We?” she asked.
“Brother insists I accompany you. Those places are filled with scoundrels, and it’s the least I can do to keep my baby niece safe.”
“What are you talking about,” Juliana said, though she’d already made the connections.
“You’ll see,” the woman said.
Juliana let out a long-suffering sigh.
***
The door of her father’s study creaked open with a sigh, revealing a room bathed in the warm glow of the late afternoon sun streaming through the high windows. No, the sigh hadn’t been the door, it seemed, but herself. Sure enough, Juliana had been summoned by her father to his studies just as she’d expected. Staring at the sea of meticulously organized parchments and leather-bound tomes that lined the walls floor-to-ceiling, Juliana braced herself and entered. Behind a massive desk, her father sat hunched over a particularly thick scroll, his brow furrowed in concentration.
“I need you to go north and beat some sense into the new chieftain,” he said finally, not taking his eyes off the papers he was looking over.
“What is it about?” she asked.
“Yvarik seeks to settle things amicably, but his son is obstinate, and given that he’s the new chieftain, Yvarik cannot do anything anymore. He’s old, no longer the chieftain he used to be. His hands are tied; his words and attempts at peace no longer have the weight to sway Borstag. Borstag is proving... unpredictable. The treaties we established seem to hold little sway with him.” He said thoughtfully. “He’s young, untested. Power can be a seductive siren song.”
Juliana stiffened. “Surely diplomacy is still an option?”
Her father steepled his fingers. “Diplomacy has its limits, Juliana. We’ve established borders, signed treaties, yet Borstag disregards them all. Yvarik’s son’s a true barbarian. Reject the treaties, ignores the borders we so painstakingly established. Has no honor. Borders are mere suggestions to him. Their raids on our settlements grow bolder by the day. We need a show of force, a message that echoes beyond the Frostwall Mountains.”
“But the treaties—”
“Were negotiated with Yvarik, a man of honor,” he interrupted gently. “Yvarik, I respect immensely. He’s a man of reason, a rarity among his kind. However, history is littered with broken promises from those who haven’t yet grasped the value of peace. We can’t risk the safety of our people on speculation. Borstag is a different breed. He prioritizes immediate gain over long-term stability. As always, you have your mother’s perspective, not the reality,” her father sighed. “While your views would indeed be ideal, unfortunately, this is not an ideal world we live in. They’re barbarians and cannot be trusted to hold their vows.”
“We’ve already ceded vast swathes of fertile land in the treaty, haven’t we?” she argued. “What more do they want?”
“Their insatiable greed knows no bounds,” he said. “They disrespect the sanctity of agreements, these barbarians. They are an infestation that needs to be dealt with decisively.”
Juliana couldn’t hold back any longer. “With all due respect, Father,” she said, a knot in her throat, “the so-called barbarians have a much higher regard for their [Oaths] than most of the Obsidian nobles who line their pockets with bribes and plot behind each other’s backs! The Orcs of the Iron Peaks have been exemplary trading partners for years, and the Sylvans-”
“Sylvans?” her father cut her off, his voice hardening. “Those reclusive tree-dwellers may not be actively hostile, but their neutrality leans towards a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.”
Juliana pressed. “Perhaps it wouldn’t have to come to that if we treated them as equals, with respect and understanding—”
“The world isn’t always sunshine and roses, my dear,” he said, his voice turning firm but not unkind. “Strength is a necessary tool, even a distasteful one. It doesn’t negate diplomacy, but sometimes serves as its foundation. Think of it as a language some understand better than words.” He sighed. “This is precisely why your mother’s softness is ill-suited for these times. I love her compassion, but they understand only strength, Juliana. Force them to submit, or they will overrun us all. You’re far too idealistic. When the time is right, I would not hesitate to lower my head for the betterment of our people, but right now, it is not the time.
“Barbarians, Juliana, are driven by nothing more than primal urges and insatiable greed. They cannot be reasoned with. Their promises are as empty as the wind whistling through their desolate plains. Yvarik was, and still is, different. A strong leader, as Yvarik was, can subdue them and focus their attention on something else, or amongst themselves, but someone like Borstag? He who so easily falls to temptation? He cannot be a strong leader the barbarians need. I consider Yvarik a friend, so does Emperor Solarian IV. Look, I understand it goes against your views, but this isn’t about mere border skirmishes. We need to shore up the northern settlements before the situation spirals further.”
Juliana’s jaw clenched. “Father—”
“Stop, Juliana, I do not wish to argue on something pointless.”
Juliana frowned deeper but held her tongue. She understood the differences between her mother’s and father’s perspective on other races. Mother wanted people to get along; father, on the other hand, believed that they couldn’t learn to get along, so peace could only come when some groups of people were subdued by others. It was a view many had taken among their nobles. Barbarians were little better than monsters to them.
“Intelligence comes with inherent stupidity. Civilization, my dear, is a fragile thing. Even the most advanced minds can fall prey to the primal urge for conquest. It seems embedded within the very fabric of existence,” her father said. “Intelligence is a double-edged sword. It allows for great achievements, but also the capacity for immense destruction. Perhaps, in the end, all intelligent life, regardless of origin, carries the seeds of its own downfall. This is an inherent flaw, not exclusive to barbarians.”
All this talk of barbarity ignored centuries of peaceful coexistence with the Barbarians, the Orcs with their fierce warrior culture, the nomadic Centaurs who valued freedom above all else, and even the Sylvans with their deep connection to nature—all were seen as little better than monsters by some. But even then, the Orcs, though fierce, had established trade agreements and even military alliances with the Empire in the past. The nomadic Centaurs, while wary of outsiders, respected strength and courage, and their neutrality helped maintain a balance of power. The Sylvans, though reclusive, were vital stewards of the forests, and their knowledge of herbal remedies was unmatched. The alliance with the Healers Guild and [Druids] from the Sylvans was one of the strongest, as well as one of the most beneficial ones.
There had been other races in the past.
Elves had essentially vanished some 500 years prior along with dragons and some other races like the Dwarves, the enigmatic Djinn and the amphibious Merfolk. The only remaining races on the continent were the aforementioned Orcs, Centaurs, and Sylvans, along with the Nagas—serpent-like humanoids residing within the Zafir Empire to the south. Beastkin, humanoids with animalistic features, were rumored to occupy another continent entirely.
“There are two pressing matters, then,” he continued, his voice returning to a semblance of control. “One, you must travel north and deal with this Borstag. Subdue him, if necessary. Remind him who holds the true power in this land. The other... I need you to take your aunt with you and use the situation to fortify the northern settlements. Coin and manpower are dwindling thanks to the Progressives’ constant meddling. They’re a rising group of young nobles within the Council who believe the Empire should focus on diplomacy and internal development, neglecting the need for a strong military presence. They criticize our spending on border security and military campaigns, seeing them as wasteful and provocative. They are naive, Juliana. While their ideals are good, they’re far too naïve—having seen no war, no barbarity. Nothing. They’re children. They do not yet know that without a strong military, peace is an illusion. Regardless, you will reinforce the northern settlements, bolster their defenses. Show them they are not forgotten by the true power of the Empire. Am I understood?”
Juliana bowed curtly. “As you command, Father. I will depart as soon as possible.”
“One more thing,” he added, his brow furrowed. “See to your brother, Theodore, while you’re in that region. Your mother worries, and frankly, the boy needs a stern hand.”
Juliana only nodded. There was no denying her mother’s wishes on this, not that Juliana disapproved. She herself wanted to check up on her brother—he was rather troublesome, but he was her brother, all the same. Had you just kept yourself in check, you’d still be here, she sighed.
First < Previous Next > (Royal Road)
AN: Holy moly! #3 on Rising Star under a week?! Almost 3,000 followers – you guys are incredible. That's the bomb! Thank you for the ratings, reviews, comments, love, hate, everything. I appreciate the support I've been getting. It's so crazy to me that I achieved what I did in a week. It's absolutely bonkers and fills me with nothing but gratefulness for all you epic dudes and dudettes.
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Hi, I have MAJOR health anxiety and now convinced I have late stage Prostate C. I am 53. My only symptom is like a sore lower back at times. Some days no pain at all. Others I feel here and there throughout the day but never lasts for more that a few seconds at a time. I was wondering if my lower back pain was from Prostate C, would it be pretty painful and would it be persistent? I have no pain at all when sleeping. Any help would be really appreciated. PSA in Jan was 3.8. Thank you!!!!!

Hi, I have MAJOR health anxiety and now convinced I have late stage PC. I am 53. My only symptom is like a sore lower back at times. Some days no pain at all. Others I feel here and there throughout the day but never lasts for more that a few seconds at a time. I was wondering if my lower back pain was from PC, would it be pretty painful and would it be persistent? I have no pain at all when sleeping. Any help would be really appreciated. PSA in Jan was 3.8. Thank you!!!!!

constantmalichi:
Feb 23, 2020
Mine was done almost 6 months ago, closed with needle anesthesia by a urologist that has performed over 9,000 vasectomies. I took it easy and iced constantly while laying on the couch for the first week and had no sexual activity for almost two weeks.
Around 2 months after the procedure everything seemed to be fine, but one day (after a lot of sexual activity) I woke up with intense pain in my right testicle which I've been dealing with since (and seems to have spread to the left, but it's not as bad). I contacted my Dr's office and the nurses believe it's a sperm granuloma and advised me to take 800mg ibuprofen 3x a day for two weeks, but that was a while ago and the pain returns when I stop taking ibuprofen. I'm planning on contacting them again in the next week, assuming this doesn't resolve itself in that time.
Most concerning is that on occasion, edging/delaying ejaculation can lead to a painful throbbing sensation which can become very intense and unpleasant during ejaculation. I'm finding myself abstaining from sexual activities when I'd otherwise be going at it, which has been awful. I currently regret having the procedure done for these reasons. I only hope the pain eventually subsides and I'm back at or near 100% sooner or later, like my Dr's office assures will happen.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/f79auv/anyone_here_with_pvps/fik1080/
Mar 26, 2020
7 months - post vasectomy blues
Well this has been a roller-coaster.
I had the procedure done last September and around two months after things started feeling normal(ish) again. This was short lived as I woke up one day (after a lot of sexual activity) with an intense pain in my right testicle. After a few calls and a visit with my urologist, they suspected it was a granuloma and gave me a NSAID prescription. The granuloma persisted for 4-5 months and some days were pretty rough - I knew granulomas were a risk, but I didn't realize how awful they were.
Fortunately, I seem to have turned a corner in recent weeks. The granuloma seems to have resolved itself like my urologist said it would and for the most part I feel much better, with one major exception...
It feels terrible when I orgasm/ejaculate.
It's like I'm being kicked in the nuts right as I cum. I know there are changes when having an orgasm post-vasectomy, which was disappointing enough when I realized it, but this has just killed my sex drive. Now I've only experienced this for the last month or so, so I'm hopeful it will resolve itself, but this more than anything is testing me. I just want things to feel normal(ish) again.
I'm struggling to find much information on this specific sensation. Has anyone else experienced anything like this or know what might be causing it?
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/fplw2o/7_months_post_vasectomy_blues/
Apr 02, 2020
lol, yeah man. I feel like an idiot for thinking this would just be a minor procedure that wouldn’t effect anything other than my ability to have kids. As far as I can tell, I’m in the minority of men that had this done and experience complications, and it seems like mine are relatively minor, but I would have doubled down on condoms if I better understood the risks and changes in sensation during orgasm. I do think things are improving, for what it’s worth, I just doubt they’ll ever be quite the same.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/fplw2o/7_months_post_vasectomy_blues/fm9c1rj/
Apr 16, 2020
It’s an elective and permanent procedure so okay to call it off if you’re at all unsure about it.
I don’t mean to scare you off but I had the procedure done 7 months ago and haven’t felt the same since... It was a far more traumatic experience than I expected. I thought I did sufficient research but didn’t realize how common and unpleasant issues due to this were until they happened to me. Things have been improving somewhat, it just wasn’t the two week recovery that everyone talks about.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/fysyz6/crazy_nervous_to_the_point_of_wanting_to_back_out/fnl942i/
Apr 23, 2020
Hey OP, I'm over 7 months out now and I'm experiencing the same sensation as you where during sexual activity, I feel an intense pain as I climax and it seems to radiate from where the tubes were.
I had some other issues before but this is the most worrisome as it really puts a damper on sex and masturbation - ejaculation/orgasms no longer feel good at all. Otherwise I feel fine, but this has caused me to cut back on any sexual activities in recent weeks. I haven't found much information on this other than it may be nerve damage, which makes the most sense but would be a terrible outcome. No clue how this isn't a more widely reported issue with the procedure... hopefully it resolves itself with time.
What's strange is that I didn't notice this until maybe 5 months after my vasectomy. I had a sperm granuloma at the time though so I wonder if I conflated some of the sensations from these two issues.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/g60wzu/6_weeks_past_all_clear_getting_pains/focuz0g/
Apr 29, 2020
Yeah I can definitely relate to that, having a good day every so often only for the pain to return, and the uncertainty was just as bad. Initially they had me taking 600mg three times a day but later upped it to 800mg a month or two after not fully following those instructions.
The ibuprofen is supposed to reduce the inflammation and help with the healing process. It took me about four months to get to where I am now (my procedure was done early September last year and the pain/granuloma started a little over two months after, for reference) and that’s probably because I was only taking a fraction of what they initially told me to. As someone who never really had to take anything for pain before, they were hard pills to swallow, but they definitely helped me get though it and now I’m feeling much better, though still not at 100%.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/g9axig/granuloma_feels_like_a_kidney_stone/fp0a6gt/
May 05, 2020

I guess it's psychological that I miss the feeling of emptying my balls. They feel very full and congested. I know the anatomy of how it works and that you don't actually empty them by getting an orgasm. It takes two months for sperm to complete and get stored in the cauda. It stays these for 3 tot 5 days and gets absorbed by your own body.

Do you have any sources for this? I'd love to read more about what exactly is going on during orgasm.
I'm 8 months post procedure and your before/after exactly describe my changes in sensation as well. In addition to a kind of pain radiating from where my tubes were, I no longer get that feeling of blissful relief after orgasm and my balls feel heavy and stuffed. I'm hoping this is psychological but I feel like there are physical changes that my body is still dealing with... My pelvic region in general hasn't quite felt the same. Nerve damage is my biggest fear, the methods for dealing with it look very unpleasant.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/gb43o0/psychological_effects_postvasectomy/fplzxb7/
Jun 03, 2020
I'm a little over 9 months out now and overall things have improved a bit since my last post, but I'm still not at 100%.
I get the occasional day where one of my testicles aches around my epididymis and I'm still mostly abstaining from sexual activities because I don't want to risk the pain, but these issues seem to be slowly subsiding.
Lately I've been focusing on my health and keeping myself distracted with various hobbies, which was really fucking hard at the start of the pandemic/lockdowns. I've had some rough days, but I'm optimistic things will continue to improve. I think I'm just in for a longer recovery than most.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/f79auv/anyone_here_with_pvps/fsthxyh/
Jun 17, 2020
Have you looked into papaya seed powder? It’s supposed to lower your sperm production, if that’s what’s causing your soreness. I had some congestion related pain for a few months and while I’m not certain if it helped or was just a placebo, I do feel much better about 2 months after starting to take it. I also started taking fish oil to help reduce inflammation while healing (among other benefits). Again, I can’t be sure that it’s the reason I feel better, but it might be worth a shot.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/h9riq7/epididymitis_stories_and_solutions/fv4m31q/
Jun 24, 2020
It was around 2 months until things started feeling relatively normal for me, and then I got a granuloma :(
Some people seem to be fine after a week or two but I think doctors really downplay the recovery period.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/hesefd/3_weeks_after_swollen_epididymis_need_some_answers/fvujfto/
Jun 24, 2020
I’m almost 10 months out and still recovering, but I’m feeling much better than I did. Some days I still have a soreness coming from my right epididymis, and other days, like today, I feel totally normal. I think the granuloma and some other things really set my recovery back.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/hesefd/3_weeks_after_swollen_epididymis_need_some_answers/fvv77w6/
Jul 05, 2020
How long ago did you have the procedure done?
I'm 10 months out and had some similar symptoms, a painful granuloma, swollen/congested epididymis, and that feeling of blue balls, especially after orgasm. It's absolutely affected by sex life for the worse - I used to orgasm daily but I've been abstinent for the last month or so to see if that helps my situation and things have actually improved. I still get an occasional soreness around one of my testicles and my pelvic muscles feel weaker, so now I'm just hoping for a full recovery and doing what I can to help it along.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/hlsjkl/experience_vasectomy_may_not_be_a_good_options/fx1zrpq/
Jul 07, 2020
I’m doing pretty well now, not quite 100% but getting there. I didn’t entirely follow my doctors orders with the prescribed NSAIDs, so it probably took longer to recover than it should have. Probably a good 4 months or so until I felt comfortable without taking them.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/hlsjkl/experience_vasectomy_may_not_be_a_good_options/fx7nkkt/
Jul 29, 2020
Yeah, mine was close ended, tied and cauterized. I’ve seen others posting about getting it converted to open ended, but I guess that can increase the chances of granulomas.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/hzty7v/im_doing_a_poll_answers_are_very_appreciated/fzmjdbc/
Aug 13, 2020
I had mine about a year ago and noticed something similar, even when peeing it kind of dribbles. I suspect muscles around the pelvic region were traumatized by the procedure so I started doing kegel exercises to strengthen them again and it seems to be helping. 4 years is a long time and I’m not even sure if it’s the same thing, but it could be worth a shot.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/i921mw/got_a_vasectomy_4_years_ago_noticed_my_orgasms/g1dgnuu/
Aug 24, 2020
Damn, six years. I’m sorry to hear it :( Have you gone for any second opinions from another doctor?
I’m almost a year out and it’s been rough. I suspect I had empidymitis which made almost any physical activity very unpleasant for much of the past year. Things have only really gotten better over the last few months but now I have this constant fear of the pain returning again which has been debilitating for my sex life. I’m still hopeful things will continue to improve and this will eventually just be a memory, but right now I’d say it’s been a disappointment.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/ifw60v/a_vasectomy_is_not_worth_the_risk/g2r0plj/
Aug 26, 2020
I had it done almost a year ago and this is something I’ve noticed. I used to feel a pleasurable throbbing when getting close or when ejaculating, but now it’s like that part of my orgasm is missing. Really wish I knew beforehand.
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/hw2ifm/smooth_muscles_in_the_vas_deferens_and_epididymis/g2y3g2k/
Aug 26, 2020
How often are you sexually active? Do you have any discomfort or pain besides this?
I think I have similar pains when close to orgasming. It almost feels like being kicked in the balls at the worst possible moment, and I know exactly what you mean with the mental aspect. The risk of it hurting really puts a damper on things. I haven’t been able to find much in this specific issue though, it’s kind of amazing how little is known about such a common procedure.
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/i93t7b/having_pains_several_months_in_should_i_be/g2yji1m/
Sep 04, 2020
This is similar to my experience. I'm about a year out, dealt with pain for much of it, and it's hard for me to do the long masturbation/lovemaking sessions as it becomes uncomfortable after a while. Orgasms have been a bit off as well. It's a bummer but I'm hopeful things will continue improve.

What's been off about your orgasms if you don't mind me asking?

They've been weaker and at times hurt, but that hasn't happened in a while now. Likewise, hopefully we're both back at 100% soon!
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/iliypo/question_re_buildup_and_orgasm/g41d477/
May 09, 2024

Are you still struggling with negative effects from the vasectomy, or have things returned to normal now?

Hello, sorry for the late response but things are mostly better and have been for the last year and a half or so. I'm not 100% recovered - there's still a slight pain at times, but it's minor and generally seems to be lessening over time. Orgasms/ejaculation are basically back to normal, or at least as normal as I can remember. It also seems to have affected my muscles around that area (lower back/groin) from how I was so tense and how I sat for such a long time, but I'm working on getting them back into shape, so I'm still dealing with it but mostly back to normal. Hope everything is well on your end.
From direct message. Used with permission.
Metadata:
ID: d23d660e
Name: constantmalichi
Vasectomy Date: 2019-09
Source: reddit
First Seen: 2020-02-23
Last Seen: 2024-05-09
Storycodes: LTP,PSX,DC,OTR,LL,URI
Months: 50
Resolved: Mostly

36M with pretty bad anxiety, particularly medical anxiety. I was hit in the head yesterday with a soccer ball on the back left side of my head from an errant kick by a 2nd grader (I work at a school). It's hard to gauge how hard it was kicked, but it didn't seem overly hard as my head didn't move all that much.
I felt a tad dizzy when doing the dishes later that night and felt off, but those are somewhat common symptoms for my anxiety. The more I distracted myself, the less off I felt. I do have some slight neck stiffness, but no pain or soreness where the ball hit my head. I'm having trouble focusing my eyes on text up close (less than 8 inches from my eyes) but I can't tell if that's normal for my age or not.
Is this something to worry about?

I am a very paranoid person and I cannot control myself from going to Dr.google for any small symptom that i have. Be it cold or cough or sore throat or back pain or anything. Every time i google I don’t get the answers i really want to hear and i have been going crazy over the last couple of weeks thinking i am dying. I am always on call with 811 health emergency line and they keep telling i am fine and then next moment a new symptom show up.
I have never been this confused because there is this Hodgkin’s lymphoma and the symptoms include body itching (i have had hives since childhood), constipation (i have been constipated since childhood), hairfall (i get hard water supply), no appetite (i have had eating disorders since i was a child), back pain (i had an injury by slipping on ice) and no signs of chest pain or discomfort or persistent coughs or fatigue or anything else but rest of the symptoms go crazy.
Now i also work full time 8 hours for 6 days a week and i attend one class because i need extra credits so i am busy all 7 days a week. I take a lot of time to travel from work to home and i sleep for 5-6hours and I haven’t been eating a complete meal in a day for the last couple of weeks.
I just got my blood test done and that should tell me what’s wrong with me. It could be something serious or probably HOPEFULLY not but is it just me or every other smoker does that?
Ps: i quit smoking cigarettes in march and today 5th june i will put all of my vapes in water and cut down on weed because it has started giving me bad anxiety now.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Nervous_Ad8260 posting in AITAH
Ongoing as per OOP
Thanks to u/Separate_Kick3186 for finding this BORU
2 updates - Long
Original - 19th May 2024
Update - 20th May 2024
Update - 21st May 2024
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Aita for losing my shit on my husband on the day of his family reunion?
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I’m a 35 y.o f married to a 38 y.o. Man. We have been together for 10 years and have 2 children 9 and 5. My husband works very hard he has multiple jobs he works throughout the week. Recently we had a discussion about taking time off and spending some time together. It is difficult because of things in his past he accumulated a lot of debt which is why he works so much.
I work 60+hrs a week and take care of the household and childcare things while much of his income goes to paying his debts. I keep up with the household I do the house work, and lawn work, repairs etc and he contributes where he can. With in this year he has taken time off for family and co-worker events. He has scheduled time to take trips with his friends, and when he does so I’m the designated baby sitter.
Many days after he gets home he is responsible for his parents. He takes them grocery shopping fixes things at their household and does some of their housework. I forgot to mention he is one of 5 and all 4 siblings live close to his parental home. His parents assist in child care for his siblings but not for ours.
I’ve told him my frustrations of being consistently placed on the back burner. The other day I lost it, I found out he invited his family to our house for a family reunion last week. I thought he took time off of work and he didn’t. The house was a mess, and most of the mess is his. I was expected to clean the house, get the groceries, run the kids to their weekend events.
Start cooking and get the reunion set up as he set the time for 4pm the time he gets out of work. The kids are helpful in doing their chores and cleaning their rooms. I got the house clean and by the time his family started pouring in I was stewing as he was at work. He asked me why there weren’t any clean towels as he was going to take a shower and I freaked out in front of his whole family.
I ran down the list of how I am always on the back burner for “these people” how I am one person and I’m the one contributing to the household while he works just to pay off his debts, how I have no security or support in this relationship and that he is like having another child and that all I feel like I’m worth is an occasional fuck whenever he is in the mood. I let it all out.
I ended with im done, I packed a bag and I took off. I’m sat in a parking lot hysterical. And no the kids weren’t present they were outside playing. He is a good father to the kids but as a husband I feel like I am better off by myself. I have so much resentment towards him. And no he hasn’t called he texted me “loud and clear” which made me even more angry because THIS IS EXACTLY HOW HE DEALS WITH EVERYTHING! I’m now feeling like an asshole for going off and saying all I did especially in front of his family. Aita?
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Comments
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VegetableBusiness897
Sooooo
Tell him to move in with his parents while he pays off his debt. That way he can care for them, hang with his friends, take the kids on the weekends and do whatever he wants to do with no consideration of you.
Then you can enjoy your home children and weekends to relax all with and one less giant child to care for.
And then when his debts are paid, you two can sit down and decide if the best course of action is separated lives.
NTA
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Top_Put1541
Seriously, his parents have been fine with exploiting you so they can benefit from the fruit of Sonny Boy’s life, they can have their defective son back.
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 day later
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Update wow oh wow! Thank you all for all the advice, the kind words and some kick in the pants type of support. I came here to see if I was the asshole and was body slammed with a lot of harsh truths. I’m not going to lie, much of it was cathartic to hear that I’m not the asshole and it hurts to hear that I am being taken advantage of. So, here’s where I’m at.
After the “loud and clear” text I was bombarded with phone calls and texts from his family. I sent a message to my husband to give me some space and if he had any care for me and this relationship to call off his dogs. I put my phone on do not disturb with the exception of my children’s ipad. I had called my mother, sent her some money and she picked them up for a special grandma date/sleep over.
Once they were there I face timed them and told them I was working. I’m not working. I had a secret rainy day fund and splurged on a nice hotel and spa day, had a few drink, cried my eyes out some more and just spent the day unplugged and journaled all my feelings. (I haven’t had time to do any of that in a very long time). After that I mustered up the courage to open Reddit and read my fate and wow was I surprised! I was fully expecting a ton of “you ARE the asshole” comments.
To clear up a few things. I shamefully do not know the lengths of his debts, much of it was from his parents putting bills in his name, others is just mismanagement of money credit cards etc. I took over the finances after I found a letter in the mail saying that we were going to lose the house. I was contributing to the household bills at the time and he was doing the finances. I trusted things were well.
This was after marriage and after kids. We went to counseling because of it and he said he was ashamed and afraid to tell me the truth. I took over about 3 years ago and I told him to focus on clearing his debt and I’d hold the household down while he did. I did not expect it to take this long and with inflation everything has just become more expensive and that much more hard for me.
I was supposed to go back to school and that was put on hold so I could catch up on what we were behind, hence the working 60+ hours. Im a nurse and I work 12hr shifts and capitalize on overtime where I can. I agree with the comment saying im burnt out, I realized this today. I realized at work or at home im constantly in critical thinking care giver mode.
My job is to care and problem solve for everyone but myself. To clear up the comment of his family doesn’t watch our kids is because they did so one time and threw it in our faces and I said never again. I see how they use him, I have said something before and he returns with “one day they won’t be here and I’ll wish I could have done more.” I told him that’s fine but you have siblings that are equally responsible, some that don’t have spouses or kids that can contribute.
As far as the house and things go he does really help when he can (don’t jump on me I just want to be truthful) I think it came across that he comes home and does nothing, he just works up to 16 hours 7 days a week so a lot of times it’s me doing the majority of it. As far as the trips goes… yeah…. That’s a sore spot…He tells me about them, he takes the day off, it pisses me off.
I have to BEG for time and if and when we do get it we end up in a fight or I have to plan everything or we can’t get sitters and sit home and he sleeps all day. And to be honest I’m so full of resentment that it’s almost too little too late. Like when I’m around him I’m just so pissed off! He says I always have an attitude and that he’s trying but nothing is ever good enough.
So, I just stopped and accepted my fate, hence the blow up. I haven’t spoken to him yet besides telling him to call off his family, he was part of the dnd on my phone. I’m enjoying the peace, I’m enjoying being by myself, and just being present and aware of my feelings. Knowing my kids are safe and I can truly take some time for myself and my mental health right now is everything.
I know tomorrow I have to go back to reality and deal with everything. I promise to update when I can. I’m sorry to leave you all hanging if this isn’t the update you had hoped for. I just want to enjoy this escape a little while longer while I can before my world implodes. Thank you all and please keep the advice coming, I truly am alone on this one and need all the advice and support I can get.
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Comments
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recyclopath_
Every single day he is lighting you on fire to keep his parents warm. It's a choice he is making. If he had his way he would have made your children homeless.
He won't even tell you the extent of the debts and you stayed with him. What the fuck are you doing?
How do you know he stopped over spending? How do you know his parents aren't taking out more debt in his name?
How can you trust him?
He won't even tell you the extent of the damage.
You are killing yourself for him. You are not able to be fully present for your children for him. He can't even be honest with you.
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Update - 1 day later
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Update Thank you all again for all the advice. I woke up this morning with a clear head. I’m still upset, and disappointed. I had tons of voicemails from his family, I don’t have the energy to listen through them all. I don’t care, like I said I’m angry but I also feel embarrassed.
I did call my husband this morning. I could tell by his voice he didn’t sleep last night and he confirmed that he in fact did not. He told me after the blow up he asked everyone to leave. He was surprised to see my mother as I sent her to pick up the kids. He said that’s when it really became real.
We had a long conversation. I did apologize for exploding and doing so when I did and not communicating better. He said he understands why I felt like I couldn’t and was actually glad it happened the way it did. His family finally got to see how much they affected his home. According to him, after I left he laid into them and told them that he can no longer be the only one to help his family out and that a lot of the mess he’s in is their fault. He said that after the blow up he told his siblings they need to step up and help with his parents.
His parents were obviously upset with the whole ordeal. I couldn’t care less to be honest. They couldn’t believe that they are “such a burden because they ask for a little help from time to time”. I just rolled my eyes in disgust as he was talking.
My new space along with my feelings of hurt and anger just let me speak all my truths. I had nothing left to give or lose so I told him how I felt about everything. He sat in silence for a while, then finally broke down and said he feels like a failure. He’s ashamed of the debt, and how much he has let us down. He said he was exhausted and has been feeling depressed because he couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and feels as though he’s ruined our future. That he goes out with his friends to feel “normal and himself” because all he does is work. That he does this because of this black cloud that’s been hanging over him.
I wasn’t my best self in this moment and told him to save me the self pity it’s pathetic. That he got himself into this mess and I’m digging him out. I’m fucking depressed too, there’s a ton of shit I want to do that I can’t do because I’m financially unable to do so. I went off how over the past 3 years his income has gone solely to debt repayment yet there’s no end in sight, because I haven’t even seen the so called debt! I’ve given him my all and as much support as I could gather but I’m angry. This isn’t the life I pictured or set myself up for either. It’s not the life my kids deserve, Ive missed out on so much because I’m working or I’m cleaning or I’m just so tired I can’t even open my eyes. I told him he has no one to blame but himself.
I think my disdain was concerning. He said he will show and prove, that he will print out his credit report and list out all the debt he has along with all his pay stubs and bank records and the receipts of what’s paid off and whatever else I want as far as his finances are concerned. He promised me my hard work was not in vain and that he is almost debt free. Come to find out his parents opened credit cards and bills in his name when he was younger and accrued close to 100k of debt in his name, not including interest, they trashed his credit and that’s why it has taken so long.
According to him, he has been fighting with the collection companies to settle, trying to consolidate or get a lower interest as it was multiple companies and debts. What I didn’t know is some were so bad his wages were being garnished. He was in tears and said he didn’t know how to tell me, that he didn’t even know the extent of what they did. He was basically working all these hours with nothing to take home to us and accruing more debt just to survive. I stayed silent. My blood was boiling. He didn’t even realize he just helped me make my decision.
He jokingly said my outburst took care of the family situation and that is why he texted me “loud and clear” meaning he and they got the message I told him I didn’t find it funny. It’s a shame that it took an outburst from me for everyone to hear what I’ve been saying all along. That he’s an idiot for not filing charges on his parents and just taking it up the ass and allowing it to ruin my life and the children we created lives. I told him he’s apíñeles and I feel so stupid! He said he didn’t call me because he knew how mad I was and was scared he would say the wrong thing and say things just like that.
I thanked him for the honesty and the conversation and told him I am so broken angry and hurt right now that I can’t even pick up my pieces let alone his. Right now I need to clear my head. He said he’s willing to do whatever it takes to turn this around, he even suggested marriage counseling. He told me he used his PTO and took the rest of the week off to work on this. I lost it and sobbed uncontrollably. If it was that easy to take time off, why now and not then? I asked him why didn’t I matter before we got here? Why now? I told him he needs the time off to find counseling both personal and legal. That I won’t be coming home.
He asked me if I was serious, he begged me to rethink my decision. He said all the things I’ve been wanting to hear. He asked me where I was going to go, and what about the kids and the house and the bills. That I couldn’t tear the kids from the only home they know. I simply replied I know this is what needs to be done and I’ve already set the ball in motion. He hung up on me.
I cried then went to get the kids. We are going to have a wonderful week in a somewhat fancy hotel and swim in the pool and order room service and make some memories. I took some of the money I had saved in my rainy day fund and extended my hotel stay to include me and the kids. I have an awful lot to catch up on with them. The look on their faces when I said “no mommy doesn’t have to work tonight was priceless” I also have an appointment with legal consultants tomorrow. Hopefully I can talk to a lawyer and figure out what’s next. Wish me luck everyone and thanks again.
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Comments
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HelpStatistician
make sure the lawyer knows what the debt situation is and try to get a credit report, make him send you the log in not just a screenshot so you can see his ENTIRE credit history. Show your lawyer which ones you indicted were fraud. 100k would put your kids through university, that's a house down payment! Not to mention interest!
He decided the family he came from is more important than the family he made with you so you're going to put yourself and your kids first now.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments