Asian mom and son

I was just wondering if I could get some people to talk to who are in similar situation that I am in. Autism is a wide spectrum and I have a hard time finding moms locally that are in a similar situation as me. My son is 15 years old and non verbal. He was diagnosed when he was 3 and I’ve taken every imaginable step to help him. he was in early intervention schooling, occupational therapy and speech (2x week), ABA (at home daily for 2hrs, life skills classes (once a week), social skills classes (once a week), he was in a summer program called partner n pals, and a year around program called better together. Anyways by the time my son was 11 ALL of these services eventually ended due to insurance not wanting to pay due to lack of progress. Which is true my son barely progressed from being diagnosed at 3 to services being terminated by 11. I have tried multiple communication methods - sign language, PECS system, and even a Tobii dynovox. None of these stuck after years of working with him. He also has bad violent outbursts and aggression that I’ve had to call cops a few times (trust me I did not want to, but when you have a 225 lb extremely strong violent child who doesn’t understand I felt I didn’t have a choice). He is no longer in school because of his sleeping and violent behavior. He sleeps sometimes hardly at all for days and then other days will sleep a lot, and I could not get him on the bus without him becoming violent. He has extreme OCD that if not done how he wants violence occurs. If anyone else has a similar situation to mine I would like to DM you, it’s been hard lately and I honestly feel like I failed him even though I also did everything I possibly could. Thank you for your time.

For background; I (31F) have a 6 Month Old son with my partner (33M). Originally we had a plan induction a few weeks early because of complications, with my OBGYN. As we were arriving said induction date, he mentioned he really wanted his mom not only in the hospital but in the room. Truthfully, I didn't want my own mother there let alone his, who I hadn't met in person until 2 months priar to the Induction Date since she lived in another state. Not only that but I hadn't really talked much to her myself until after she found out i was pregnant, about 4/5 months by then.
My partner was originally scared to tell her and had been putting it off until the last minute. I understood at the time he did not feel close with her and only talked to her on the phone about mundane things. I assumed she wouldn't be a big part of our lives because of the way he felt about her and the problems they'd been having.
Things changed immediately once she found out and became super involved, which was heart warming. I was happy to see my partner experience the kind of closeness with his mom I knew he had been wanting this whole time and did what I could to be supportive. Things started to take a more serious turn when she invited herself over to stay with us for a few months to help the baby.
We had previously only had a few conversations about her coming up with no set dates or time frames. Unbeknownst to us she set a date with the intention to stay for 3 months. I was quite shocked, while my partner was rather lax about it. Mind you, she is obsessive with her cleaning habbits and not afraid to be extremely "blunt" with things in a way that may come off rude or judgemental often times. I am meek and soft spoken after decades of abuse and past experiences from DV, I am slowly working on feeling safe and confortable to speak my true feelings on things. Lots of therapy. I ended up pushing myself to clean the whole house in about a week before her and her husband arrived, in an attempt to appease her, but it added more stress to my mind and body.
The whole pregnancy was already rough on me and my spouse with complications galore, and truthfully she did add a significant amount of stress to that as much as I wanted us to get along and have a good relationship. Family is important to me, blood related or not.
Now back to the argument; After I told my spouse I was happy he was reconnecting with his mom but I was not comfortable with her being in the delivery room and even had some concerns of her being in the hospital and being a big distraction. Previously she opted to take me to the hospital when there was a possible emergency, but she then stayed for the whole appointment and ended up hearing a large portion of my medical history and started grilling me on it in the car on the way home, which was beyond uncomfortable for me and I conveyed to my partner i wasn't comfortable speaking up or out with her there. She was also asking questions over me to the E.R. docs and later Labor / Delivery when we were transferred. It was that moment I knew for sure I was not wanting to have to deal with any of this mid labor ontop of everything else i was dealing with, which was a lot.
It started arguments and my spouse acting cold towards me for days/weeks when I conveyed my need for it to be only him, but I did not feel I was in the wrong. I inevitably folded and said I would reconsider, but that I would not be comfortable. My spouse was still upset with me at this point. At about 34 weeks his mom had an emergency and had to leave temporarily to go back home. Same day he dropped her off to her transportation back home, I had my own emergency and went to the hospital for an emergency induction. I felt relieved when I bypassed everything and got a supportive partner with out the guilt of saying no or the stress of dealing with unwanted people in the delivery room, but I feel had I not had that ✨️Get Out Of Jail Free Card✨️ I would not have been respected whether she was there or not.
He is otherwise a very supportive partner, this is not to aimed to make him out to be a bad partner or person. He believes in women's rights/feminism, is very loving to myself and our son, all of that. But I do feel failed by him in this one instance and am not ready to revisit this event with him yet. We are working towards finding couples counseling, inevitably for other reasons and am considering bringing it up to him privately so we can rediscuss it during a session.

2 years ago, on the first day of football practice My couch said who here has played as the center, I was the ONLY kid out of 32 kids who raised their hand, and my head coach said snap the ball to the QB, so I did and they were perfect, next thing you know they make the other kid who did play center last year center. I was the backup center, which I'm okay with, but the thing is... The kid who played center last year didn't want to play center, so he purposely made bad snaps. and that went on for the past couple of games. I've always had this one coach that came up from 10U We're just going to call him Coach K, Coach K has always believed in me and has seen me as a center before so he tells the head coach to give me a chance. The head coach said "No I'm not letting that kid be center, he doesn't respect anyone." but then hell broke loose my mom heard what the coach said and yelled at him saying " If you have a problem with my son you have a problem with me so F**k off and respect one him, he has always respected you so he should be respected too!" Then she walked off and took me home. the next day we went to our game and I got benched the whole game... Fast forwarding a couple of weeks later there was a parent meeting, and my mom rose hell in that meeting She said. After the meeting, my coach said he would go 1 on 1 with me to help me be center. But he never did. So was my mom the jerk for defending me?

As the title tells, I am looking for a way to move out from my parents house. I am F 25 and have been babied by them and they definitely do not want me to stop relying on them. It is a weird dynamic that has left me drained and suffering from a lot of mental health issues. I come from an Asian family so I can imagine people with similar background can relate with a sense of suffocation from Asian parents.
I am deciding to teach again in Korea as I would be able to move out and finally have the space to actually grow as an individual. Also because I have my bf who lives there which my mom is screaming at me she will disown me if I keep seeing.
But evaluating my options for when I come back to America, my job options seem so bleak to me as I would have to live with my parents. And if my bf would to come with me in the future, my parents would not support us. I have thought about dental assisting, but the income would be 30- 40k.
I feel like I am having a quarter life crisis as I feel like I did nothing with my life besides staying at home and letting my parents dictate my life. I don't want to rely on a partner to provide financially (this is what my parents are expecting so they are pushing me to just stay home and not go outside). Please help on what job options there would be more. I have a bachelors in Human Development and Family Sciences with a minor in Education. I taught ESL 1 year in Korea last year.

I work at a place downtown, she bought the building for dirt during covid because the original owners were scared. She IMMEDIATELY (and I mean immediately, the space was bought and we got notice a few days later) told us we had to leave. We fought back and told that lady we had 5 years left on a solid lease. Thousands in legal fees later here we are, a year from shutting down because Ele doesn't give a shit. We have NEVER ONCE heard from her no matter how many times we've begged her lawyers. We are in a business where we don't make a whole bunch (resale/vintage/antique) and she knows that, so she's been trying to suck the money out of us to scare us away.
she is a PREDATORY LANDLORD. She DOES NOT CARE about ANY OF YOU. Her restaurants are MEDIOCRE and OVERPRICED. The amount of mental and financial anguish she has put us through is enough to warrant a lawsuit tbh.
I hope all of this gets her put on BLAST. She is ruining the town and taking away the charm of Savannah. There won't be any more mom and pops left, only her shitty Asian fusion restaurants and even shittier rentals 😭😭😭 im sorry for wording this in such a passionate way but my coworkers and I are literally traumatised by her.
Here are her restaurants: ARCO COCKTAIL LOUNGE CHIVE SEA BAR & LOUNGE COCO & MOSS FLOCK TO THE WOK PEACOCK LOUNGE FLYING MONK LE BANH LITTLE DUCK DINER MADAME BUTTERFLY THE VAULT KITCHEN & MARKET FIRE STREET FOOD
Boycott, report, tell the News stations, we have been trying our best to save our business but she is monopolising and killing the city.

My name is Joe Clarkson.
When I was a small child, I was gifted. Great at a lot of things, and adequate at most. That all changed when I moved to Oakfield. Not too far away, but somehow not in the same state.
Oakfield was a small town, somewhere near the Canada-US border, yet my parents never told me which state it was in. They couldn’t. Dad got a really good job offer.
I started third grade there, I was eight, and would turn nine later in the year. On my first day of school, there was nothing really academic, thankfully, so I had no chance to show off my proficiency.
However, the walk there was interesting, with the edifice that was the mental hospital. Edifice for the town at least, it was only a couple stories tall. It stood in the distance, and you could see it from the school yard, and the street there. Always looming.
I was bored between the three recesses, each being a little breath of fresh air on the otherwise stagnant school day. That was, until the last one.
It was the afternoon, and I hadn’t really made any friends yet. I was just sitting by myself under a tree, when I saw a rough looking man, standing behind the chain-link fence I was seated next to.
The fear of strangers had been forced adamantly into my mind by then, and I whimpered, backing away.
“I won’t hurt you,” he said. That’s what someone who wanted to murder you would say.
But, considering the fence, I deemed I was relatively safe from this haggard man, and so, I approached. He was coughing.
“I don’t have much time. Take this paper,” he said as he passed a sticky note to me. “Follow what this says. Take it seriously, and you will be fine.”
I heard Ms. Smith calling out to me and approaching and turned away for a second before looking back. The man was gone, the coughing silenced.
Knowing if the teacher had seen the man that she would with no doubt take the note from me, I stuffed it in my pocket, then waited for her to approach.
“Joseph, what are you doing over here? Who were you talking to?” she snipped.
Quick thinking saved me here. “Imaginary friend.”
“Well, you should know better than to do stuff like that. We don’t do strange things like that here.” She paused. “You’ve learned your lesson, but I will talk to your parents about this.
She left, and soon recess was over. That day as I walked home from school, I looked for the man, but he was gone.
As said, my parents had a word with me about imaginary friends, and how I was too grown up and that they would have to send me to the ‘psychiatrist’ for it.
I of course paid them no heed.

Later that night, I opened the note. It had barely legible scrawl, unlike Mrs. Smith who had perfect handwriting, which I was sorely jealous of. This is what it contained:
If you are reading this, I may be able to save you. I need you to follow these guidelines:

1. Hide your identity
2. Socialize only when necessary
3. Be unexceptional
4. If someone is following you, find a crowded place to be

They will forget about you.
I have proof, so that you will believe me. Look at your classmates. Think about their defining features, whether physical, social, etc. They will change. For now, you have to trust me.
Once you have memorized this, destroy it.
The fourth rule seemed common enough, and the others seemed not too hard to follow. It was weird, but considering I had nothing to do at school, I decided to play along, holding in my laughter as I presumably tricked everyone. I would not laugh soon enough.

Xavier was a new kid. He moved in around the second week of school, when I was beginning to get bored of the ruse. He was bright and funny, yet Ms. Smith never laughed at his jokes. She got tired of him quickly, unlike me.
I was friends with him, we would play on the playground, mostly tag, but I made sure to never outrun him, nor anyone else. One day, we were playing tag, and I was chasing him. It had lasted longer than normal, and I was beginning to get very tired of the charade, so I decided to try and win this time.
We ran for so long, he eventually ran into the school, and I chased him, laughing, panting as he sprinted through the halls. The teachers were very mad at us and shouted at us often. But none chased.
However, after around fifteen minutes, we had slowed down significantly, and he stole away around a corner. When I turned the corner, Xavier was gone.
I didn’t see him for the rest of the day.
The next day, I went to school, ready to interrogate him about where he had gone. And, sure enough he was there. But when I asked him, he said he had gotten bored, and left it at that. It explained nothing, and I was grumpy about it for the rest of the day.

Xavier made jokes after that. But they were different, not funny. But Ms. Smith sure seemed to think so. She always chuckled at them, as did many of the other kids, and I chuckled along to follow suit. Xavier said to call him by his middle name, Steven. I didn’t talk to him much after that. The ‘psychiatrists’ had probably made him normal.
I dug through my backpack and eventually found the note from the man. It had been a few weeks now, and I hadn’t destroyed it.
I have proof, so that you will believe me. Look at your classmates. Think about their defining features, whether physical, social, etc. They will change.
Sure enough, it had happened.
I heard a knock at my door. My mom spoke in an indifferent voice.
“What are you doing in there, sweetie? Hopefully not talking to your imaginary friend again,” she said, giving a faint chuckle.
“One second mom!” I shouted, as I read through it a few last times, before shredding it, then scattering the pieces.
She opened the door. Her eyes grew frustrated for a single moment.
In an instant, I smiled slightly, rising, I coughed, partially because of my recent cold, partially to cover any anxiousness in my voice.
“Is it time for bed yet?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I went to sleep.

The man appeared in the newspapers. He had been taken to the mental hospital, locked away forever. I never disregarded what he had said, however.
I heard my mom talking to my teacher.
“Something’s wrong with him, he’s been acting weird. Watch over him, okay?” my mom said. “I’m worried.”
The only thing she should be worried about is my stupid cough that won’t go away.

I blended in throughout the years, getting a mix of B’s and C’s, as well as an occasional A. I didn’t raise my hand in class often, limiting myself to once a week. I chatted with a few other friends, though spending time with them left me unsettled.
On my sixteenth birthday, I ran away. I had just got a new car, drab and grey, courtesy of my father. I told them I was going to take a drive around the park. They believed me.
As I took it out, slow and steady, I noticed something. Ms. Smith. She was in her own car, tailing mine. I didn’t acknowledge her. The school hadn’t given her my address, yet she had been waiting for me.
I drove around the park a few times, then checked my mirror, making sure to not move my head. Ms. Smith was gone. I changed my route.
Moving through the town, I could tell something was off about the buildings. The same buildings everywhere, the same few colors of cars, no one outside, everyone inside at once. They were all gathered around a dinner table. Every single house.
I increased my speed, and my car started to screech, so I quickly slammed on the brakes.
I drove for a while, barely staying awake. After a few hours, I was back in town. Not in the distant byways.
Ms. Smith was behind me again.
In a moment of panic, I turned my head back, checking to make sure. Ms. Smith grinned. I waved at her, then continued back to my house. To this day, I’m not sure why I turned back. I wish I hadn’t.
As I approached my house, I remembered the fourth rule, and realized home would not be safe. I slammed the gas and veered in the direction of the high school. There was a football game going on, and there were lots of people there.
Ms. Smith had apparently been lost in the confusion and was not following me as I approached the field. I snuck in, then sat on one of the bleachers. Everything was normal, except for the highschoolers not being as rowdy as I had expected. I had seen things on television back at my old home, yet there were none of the old television programs here.
There were also no telephone wires. No outside communications. I realized this as I sat up there, next to one of my distant friends, Cody.
“Why are there no phones?” I whispered out loud.
Cody turned to me. “Of course there are.”
He turned back to the game.
“John’s doing so good today, would you look at that!” Cody said.
I heard my name being shouted. My parents had found where I had been, and were mad, they climbed up the bleachers, and I saw no use hiding from them.
“Cody, what have you been doing to our little boy?” Mom growled. She turned to me, “He’s a bad influence, sneaking off like this. Someone else will take care of that, come with me.” On the supervised drive back to my house, I noticed telephone poles lining the streets.

“What are you doing?” Mom asked.
“I’m calling Susie, from my old school. Just want to keep in touch,” I responded dully.
“She probably moved. That’s not her number anymore.”
“Their house was passed down through generations. Not likely,” I accused.
Three days later my mother came up to me. She turned on the news, then ushered me over.
“Breaking News: Local teen found dead, hit by car! Identity confirmed to be Susie Coleman, of local high school...”
I blocked out the rest of the speech. There was a picture of her corpse, and it was her, blood trailing from various wounds.
“That’s horrible!” I exclaimed. “Now I see why my call didn’t go through.”
The thing was, there was no news channel that broadcast things outside of the town. I barred my windows and door that night, then slept in my clothes hamper. I held my coughs in. When I woke up the next morning, things in my room were moved. My worst fears had been confirmed.

For the second time in a week, I tried to escape. Dawn would not strike for a few hours, and I knew no one could see me. The town was on lockdown, hunting for a ‘missing person’. I stole my mom’s car, not daring to use my own.
From the minute I pulled out of the driveway, I knew I was being followed. A car trailed behind me; the windshield tinted enough that I couldn't see the driver, but I knew it was Ms. Smith.
I floored the gas, uncaring, driving as fast as I could to the nearby forest. I jumped out of the car, placing my mom’s purse on the gas pedal to keep it running. It would hit ahead and throw them off my trail.
I entered the forest.
Stumbling through the trees at night was not a pleasant experience. I cut myself on branches and twisted my ankles trying to get out.
I made my way to a clearing. There was something moving there, a body. It was moaning and screeching, drenched in blood. Susie. She stopped when I drew near, then stared at me, eyes devoid of pain. Devoid of expression.
I ran out back into the forest and heard a limping figure behind me. Adrenaline pushing me as hard as it could, I slowly heard the limp grow stronger and stronger, becoming a full run.
Curving around a ditch, I tripped, falling into the hole, then heard the footsteps draw nearer. I saw the ditch led to a drainage pipe. I hid in there, making little noise, and waited until she left. Screams of anger echoed through the night.
After catching my breath, I peeked out, coughing. Nothing but the cool night air. Slowly, I made my way out. In the distance, I could see a light.

It took only a few more minutes to make it to the source. It was a gas station, and the man in there greeted me with something I had not seen in years. A warm welcome.
After getting some food and water – for free since I didn’t have my wallet on me – the man began to question me about my appearance.
“That’s a crazy story coming from Oakfield. Nothing ever happens there. I suppose they want to not be noticed, from your story. By the way, son, what is your name?”

1. Hide your identity

“You don’t need to know that” I said, still tense.
“Come on, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“No.”
“Son, I just want to check your records, make sure you’re not a nutcase,” he sighed. “Afterall, you don’t want to have to go to the psychiatrists, do you?”
I backed away, and the man began to grow agitated, shouting for me to come back and tell him my name. I ran out and started down the road. There were no cars.

A day or so later I reached a town. A normal one, with normal people. No one following me. No one trying to take me away. It was hard to get back on my feet of course, going to high school in the day, then working at night to make ends meet.
I never told anyone else about the town. No one. That is until now. You see, last night I found something. A trail of blood leading to a field.
“Joe, come back...” it said. “You can’t leave Oakfield. It can’t get out.”
They still follow me. They do not want people to know about this, because they do not want people to know about Oakfield, and whatever goes on behind the doors of the mental hospital. I intend to go where they cannot find me.
No one will take me seriously. After all, nothing ever happens in Oakfield. And to them, I am insane.

Located in Utah.
I (23m) and my ex (21f) share joint legal custody with her getting the final say and she gets sole physical custody of our 16 month old son. She moved in with her family in Utah after we broke up. I signed a pretty shitty custody agreement while I was still living in my home state (2 states away), believing her threats that I would never meet our son and would never get custody. I just wanted my foot in the door and to be apart of his life in some way.
I moved over to Utah, slept in my car for a time to make it work, moved to the town over (1 hour drive away, 50-60 miles) thinking I would only get the bare minimum requirement for my visitation and for better job opportunity. Eventually, apparently while she was at school her family became overwhelmed with taking care of the baby and demanded my visitation days extend to 5 days a week. I had to quit one of my two jobs to make this work.
During the one day of the week she had off from school she chose to go out with friends or on dates instead of parenting. Even after she finished school, she's constantly going out partying not finding a job, doing as many other things as possible in my view to not to be with the baby. Even when she is home, she would lock herself in her room and ignore the babies cries for his mom. Her argument being is that my visitation time is my time alone to parent and her time off. In my eyes, this seems neglectful and would not be in the best interest of a 1 year old to have a inconsistent mother. Currently 4 visits a week for at least 5 hours usually longer. I also accommodate for her and her family with overnights prior to when i would awarded overnights according to our agreement (outlined by Utah Section 30-3-35.1). She doesn't have an income besides child support, whatever her family gives her, and some plasma donations, but it seems she can somehow afford top golf, cabin trips, a 1200 dollar pent house for her birthday? To me it seems, suspicious but again her time, her money, she can do what she wants but I feel as it is incredibly irresponsible. I try to be at all the pediatric or speech therapy appointments as well. I pay my child support on time and arrive to visitation timely to the best of my ability; some times I miss it by a little if I have a late shift the night before.
I am not sure if a court will put these into consideration. She also neglects the golden retriever we raised while we were together. No walks, obese, I believe to be depressed since she doesn't eat her food sometimes, leaves the dog poop in the backyard to pile up. I was thinking this could show an example of how irresponsible she is but I am very uneducated on all this. She also has not followed the No Disparagement Clause in our agreement and posted negatively about me on Tik Tok.
I do document everything I can and have some evidence of this behavior, which I'm not sure whether or not could be considered to be neglectful in court.
However, I am worried about the geographical considerations since I live an hour away from them. I still currently live with roommates, but I am looking to get my own place once my lease is up later this year.
She is shutting down any discussion of giving me any more custody despite my efforts. They have been making demands that I clean up the milk bottles she uses during her time. I do my best to respect her and her family's home and clean up after myself to the best of my ability. I'm not perfect, but I try. However, I think pressuring me to take on her responsibilities since she has more custody and refuses to even talk about awarding me some is completely unfair. It is not outlined anywhere in our agreement that I should be doing anything besides taking care of my child. Yesterday, they threatened that If I continue to be petty for only washing the bottles I use , I would no longer be able to use the baby's bottles for my visitation and other things like his toys or his clothes, etc, and that I would have to bring my own of these items. They even threatened to have my visitations no longer in their home and have it in my car or somewhere else. It's been 80-100 degree weather here recently. And considering the distance it would be a 4 hours of driving a day to make this work if I were to go back to my place.
Also, curious on what to do regarding toys. They don't want me taking the toys me and my family bought for him back to my place. I don't know if I would get reported for theft if I took them with me or if this is even an offense since those toys are his belongings and I am his father.
I know the court will align with whatever's the baby's best interest is, but I am not sure if I have a case or not. Trying to be objective as I can, my apologies if this is a little bias. My family believes this is a losing case and I would be wasting my money and time trying, but I would like some other opinions on this before I book with an attorney.
Thank you all so much for reading and any help you're able to provide.

Hi, It’s been a roller coaster those last few hours. My mom has been very independent in her life and stayed so after my father’s passing 5 years ago. I gave birth to a stillborn son 6 months ago and I’m still grieving. I’m mentally not alright. I haven’t been visiting my mom as frequently as before. She came to visit us a few times though. The last couple of days since I didn’t get a response, I was getting worried.
She had done this before though and was fast asleep then. I thought this was the case. I came to her house today and found her lying on the floor. I called the emergencies immediately. There the ambulance people and doctor said she had a big swelling they presumed was cancer. At the hospital they told me, it was breast cancer and it had spreaders through her lungs and liver.
She was barely skin over bones, but I never noticed this. She was always called and put on so many layers and kept a bag round her neck with all her papers. I came to the house expecting her to be okay at first, with my intention to finally convince her to sell the house and move to an apartment closer to us.
As I came in and saw all the mail on the floor, I expected worse, like a broken hip or ribs. I never suspected cancer. She hated hospitals and doctors, sometimes self diagnosed herself, where I told her she’s not a doctor go to one.
She told me she went to the house doctor every time she had a cold (pneumonia patient - so very sensible for colds and bronchitis) and told me she got antibiotics from the doctor. I’m suspecting she never went to see the doctor and told me something so that I would stop talking about doctors.
She was a proud woman, always did what she wanted to do. Always said she takes good care of herself thanks to homeopathy and such. But how could she have ignored the massive swelling on her breast and getting so skinny.
My grandfather had cancer and suffered much in his last days, I think it traumatized her. But science has gone forward since 35 years ago. My uncle also had cancer and chose not to do anything about it, till it was too late.
She refused painkillers when the ambulance people asked her. I know she didn’t want morfine, but I followed the doctor who said they were trying to make it as comfortable as possible for her.
I don’t understand how she could neglect this all this time, how she kept it a secret. Why? Of course I would’ve insisted on going to the hospital at once, something she didn’t want. But still, why???
I’m sorry this is a lot, but I’m trying to understand. Something tells me I know why, cause that’s how she was and yet I can’t wrap my head around it.
I’m glad they told she wasn’t very long on the floor at least.
Damn my mourning for my son, should I have just gotten over it? They said though that this cancer didn’t develop in just 6 months.
I’m heartbroken.

AITA for shutting out my husband after a post partum episode
My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers (17) & (19). Our relationship has always been somewhat unsteady due to arguments. We are now (35m) & 3(f). Any time I have a concern or tell him he’s hurt my feelings in some way, he gets defensive and ultimately it ends with me apologizing. It’s been exhausting, I’ve requested we go to marriage counselling many times and initiated 6 times with him only showing up to two on separate occasions. After I gave birth I told him I was really struggling with post partum depression and connecting with our son. I would be up all night pumping, changing diapers, cleaning and sterilizing pumping supplies and bottled water, prepare the bottle and most times he would bottle feed our son for me. I would wake up make breakfast clean, lunch, dinner, clean all while my husband watched the baby. Sometimes he’d let me take a two hr nap if I was exhausted. Fast forward to three months post partum, I was REALLy struggling to the point I wrote a suicide note, right after I wrote it something snapped inside of me and I was like “I am not OK.” I crumpled the note threw it to the garbage and called my family doctor to report my concerns and called my mom to come stay with me during the day to make sure I was ok and stable. When my husband came home from work he found the note crumpled in the garbage , read it and immediately was angry with me. He told me he couldn’t trust me with our son while he was at work. I’ve been incredibly hurt that he didn’t once share concern for me, but he atleast was worrying for our son, so I guess I can’t complain. I’ve been short with him ever since and he told me I am being emotionally evasive because I am not showing him affection. I feel like I have a wall up and just don’t want to bother with him. Am I being an asshole?

I have a 17 month old lil guy and after a nightmare of a last nanny, I took 1.5 months to find what I thought was the right fit. My new nanny (3 weeks) works 26-28 hours a week give or take, and paid higher than average for my area for on the books.
She has been great with my son doing letters and numbers and keeping him entertained with little to no effort and 30 minutes or less of screen time( usually just to get him to a nap).
Maybe I'm being ridiculous but she's just not affectionate enough with him. I have watched back the cameras and seen him sitting and crying for 5-10 minutes while she'll clean up or wash dishes, only picking him up and soothing him when she's done or realizes he's not going to stop. There has also been 3 incidents where he's fallen asleep on that middle of the living room floor and she just leaves him there instead of placing him in that play yard with his pillows and blankets.
I give her a bit of grace because she's a mom of 3 and maybe she feels guilty being in my home taking care of my son, while her sons are at daycare.
I've spoken with her about moving him to the play yard which she has done, but idk if I have grounds to ask her to be more affectionate.
Any thoughts?

So let me start this out with my fiancés mom doesn’t like me one bit, she’s never liked me. Well I had a cryptic pregnancy and that just made her dislike me more. The only times she’s seen my son is when my fiancé asks her if they want to see him and the few holidays we’ve gone too at her place. I sent out invites for my son’s first birthday a few days ago and she never responded to me but responded to my fiancé. The way she’s treated me has got me to the point where if she doesn’t come to the party then she won’t see my son again. Would I be the asshole if I did that??? I really don’t think I would be especially since she said when i first had the baby that it wasn’t the baby’s fault that me and my fiancé didn’t tell her right away. She also believes I always knew I was pregnant and there’s zero way I couldn’t have known, and her sister swore I looked pregnant the month before I gave birth, even tho the months I was pregnant I lost 30 lbs. I just need some outside opinions on if I’m being too extreme about this. I just don’t want my son to feel sad and upset as he gets bigger bc his grandparents never reach out to see him.
EDIT TO ADD : his mother hasn’t made an effort on her part to see her grandson, she’s only seen him outside of holidays because we pushed and went over with him. So I’m not meaning this as “if she doesn’t come then I’m cutting her off” I’m meaning if she doesn’t make an effort to come to his first ever birthday party then she doesn’t deserve to be in his life. And my son is my fiancés son, we made a mistake and I didn’t take a plan B because we used a condom and I had no symptoms or anything to say I was pregnant, I worked a 10hr hard laber the day I went into labor and I thought the labor pain was appendicitis.

Think about it, he's a kid that never grew up because of his absent parents and the trauma of losing his best friend at a young age. He developed an obsession towards Karen (his primary caregiver when his mom also became an astronaut) and hate towards Ed (the authority figure). He was also always given preferential treatment from everyone, the baldwins, the police when he was found trespassing in his old house, the world really (since he was the son of two American heroes) He ended up having s*x with Karen and almost killing everyone on Mars... Freud would be fascinated

I recently made a new friend at a community center I attend with my kids. Her kids are roughly similar ages as mine, although she has 3 and u have 2. Her youngest is turning one in a week and she has invited me to the parking lot “party” at the shelter she lives at. Their shelter is a group of motel rooms where each family has one room and a shared parking lot/hallway. Her biggest complaint has been no space for her kids. They’ve come over a few times and her daughter cries when they leave because I think she just hates being cooped up there. Our house isn’t even that big or glamorous so it breaks my heart. This woman is an immigrant without much hope of getting citizenship and she says shes trying to get out of a DV situation. Baby father (abuser) lives in town and babysits the kids from time to time. I’m apprehensive because she claims he’s followed her from her home country and then multiple states as she’s moved several times. I don’t know if he’s going to be there or if he will take anything given or what the situation is. I’m trying to just be a friend that allows her a little refuge until she’s ready to open up with more details. I don’t know if anything she tells me is the full truth but I just want to stop by with my kids and bring something small that might be practical and a nice gesture for her sons first bday.
I’ve never visited the shelter but I know they “party” in the parking lot so there will likely be lots of random families/people around. I can’t afford to do a full cake or food for everyone. Should I just get a gift card so she can use it for two older kids (5 and 3)? Maybe a cheap toy for the baby from the dollar store since he won’t know the difference?
What would you want/need most in their shoes? I’ve asked mom but she responds to everything except that because she typically doesn’t want to impose. I don’t want to show up empty handed.

Please be honest! But remember I have feelings lol
I went to Cuba in December of last year to visit my family for the first time. While there, one of my aunt’s long time friends had a son who is not too far in age from me. I spent most of my time at his house with his mom, who I bonded with well. We danced at a party and he made it very clear he was interested in me. At the time I was in a relationship, so I acknowledged he was cute and kept it pushing. We exchanged numbers like most of the people I met out there and when I broke up with my boyfriend, things escalated in our conversation. And both made it clear we found each other attractive.
Time went on and he told me about how he didn’t have petrol cause it’s expensive. This is where I messed up. He didn’t ask but I offered to send him money because my aunt does the same for his mom and him. He was grateful and that was it.
But then 2 months later, he now asks me for money. And I sent it cause I felt bad. Then he asks me again and I sent it again but this time, I let his mom know. She’s knows I’m young and broke, and so she let him have it. He called me pissed that I told his mom and was upset that I accused him of using me and I pretty much cursed him out (I know it may have not been the most mature thing).
Anyways, I was staying with him mom back in April so we ended up mending things before I went back, so it wouldn’t be awkward. When I went in April, we had sex like two consenting adults and we spent most of our time together. It was actually really pleasant and we had a great connection, outside of sex. We’ve talked everyday since December. We talk about everything and in person, we really clicked which was nice as I just got out of a relationship. And I can say I like them.
The day I got back to the states, he asked me for money because he’s really struggling, and I just didn’t have it. Granted his mom took really good care of us and we gave her money, as well as supplies. He apologized and he said he won’t ask again.
Now today, he’s not asking for money at all. But he’ll say he’s in debt to someone (he’s selling powdered milk and driving to repay the debt), and I tell him I don’t know what he should do. And he doesn’t ask me for money but I do feel like he is hoping I would send some.
I know Cuba is poor, I’ve been there before. I know people are struggling. I know it’s hard but I guess because I’ve never been asked for money by a man, that I feel used and turned off. Am I crazy for thinking so? I go back the end of this month and I’m afraid.
Tl;dr “Friend” asked me for money a few time, they are in a different country. I like them but I don’t want to be used. Am I stupid?

Hello! I (24 F) met my now boyfriend (19 M) around six months ago in a class, and we started dating about 2 months ago.
He didn’t know he had bipolar disorder, but went through a manic episode that ended with his family taking him to a psychiatric hospital and getting his diagnosis, so he just started with his medication about a week ago.
As you can imagine it was weeks of him not eating or sleeping and being just very impulsive and erratic. During the episode he did a lot of things that hurt me like technically cheating at my own house (I say technically because we were not official yet), being rude to my son (4 M) and smoking both weed and cigarettes in front of him (in those moments I just tried to get my son away from him).
When his parents took him away I was sure I was breaking up with him, but then I heard about his diagnosis and her mom told me that doctors at the hospital told her he couldn’t stop talking about us and how we were his family and wanted to get better for us.
He spent a week and a half at the hospital and got back very calm and being the sweet loving person that I met, but I’m scared.
I genuinely want to help him get to know his new life and diagnosis, and support him through all the changes he’s about to go through. But i also know that it’s not my responsibility to be there and that he hurt me and could potentially hurt me again and also my son who has become very attached to him.
Now we’re together and he’s been telling me that we are now his reason to get better and keep going, but he has also talked about his intention to continue using weed (which doctors indicated not to use) and also proposed being non exclusive just sexually speaking, which I think I would’ve been okay with if the cheating hadn’t happened before.
There’s a lot going on and I’m very confused and advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

This past weekend I have had enough. I am (30f) my dads stepson is (28m). There have been things that have happened over the past 5 years that have built until the boiling point and I am done. I moved in with my dad after my divorce 9 years ago and paid 75% of the mortgage water and electric bill. He then met his now wife 1 year later and stayed with her a lot and only stopped by on occasion to pop in at that point I was paying all the bills at his home( he bought this home with my mom before they divorced). I was there for 3 years as a single mom working paying bills until my boyfriend and I decided to relocate.(later married and had a set of twins) he got mad at me said I was leaving him in a difficult position by moving out of the house and I was being stupid for moving to a new city with my SO to be honest we were really serious he had an amazing job opportunity and we didn’t want to do long distance. My sons father was absent until 3 years ago when he got his life together so that wasn’t an issue when we relocated. For context my kids are 10m and twins are 3f current time. During the move my dad was living with gf turned wife and her son who had a 1 year old outside of the home. I am my fathers only bio child but he raised my older brother along with me. My dad is always missing my girls special events was late to my wedding and constantly makes excuses for not coming or canceling plans. We live two hours away. This past weekend was my daughters 3rd birthday I was told they would be there the morning of the party I get a text his Stepson(mike) needed him and his wife to go get his daughter 5 hours away because he had to work on Sunday and didn’t want to spend his entire Saturday driving… I am livid at this point mike has lived with them only paying $40 a month for 8 years my dad is constantly changing things and plans with me due to mikes schedule mike works odd jobs hear and there and spends most of the time partying and when he has his daughter my dad and his mom spend their time watching her. My girls have no idea who my dad is and it is very upsetting for me. My son sees him all the time he lives 5min from my ex so when my son is there my dad gets him has him stay the night and so on. My son is with me full time his dad has him every other weekend. My ex and dad have a better relationship than my dad and I. I was really upset after the party and sent my dad a very long text explaining my issues with everything that has happened in the past. He sends a lengthy message back making excuses and saying it would be different if I never moved ( this was not my dad messaging I can tell by the wording and grammar used he had his wife message me) on Sunday I see a Facebook post of my exs 2 year old daughter sitting in my fathers lap while they had a cookout. I am never invited to anything they have any holidays nothing they will set up a lunch or something in there town separate from family gatherings to see me or the kids. I go to everything I am invited to with him and I’m done making effort when I get nothing in return. I just want my girls to know the mad I grew up with.

as a woman with borderline personality disorder, why am i always being laughed at? Why am I always hated by those that claimed they loved me? How am I supposed to get better? I have a son, I didn't mean to get pregnant. I'm trying and failing. How can I overcome this diagnoses so I can atleast be an average mom for him? I have to help him in this world that I don't want to be in. How do I do this?

Just went to Italy for the second time, and surprisingly this time I actually had a lot of uncomfortable/rude encounters that I feel like I can attribute to racism. I am sharing this just so other POC can prepare themselves on just what might be expected, as these details aren’t shared in travel guides usually.
When I went to Rome, there was this guy eating with his family who kept staring nonstop at us during dinner. Like, as soon as we were directed to the table, he started staring at us with an unwelcoming and exasperated expression. It proceeded almost unwaveringly, and I had enough when he started looking at one of my party member’s phone screen and then rolling his eyes. So I asked him if he had an issue, and he proceeded to act clueless. I told him to stop staring, that he knew what he was doing, and to set a better example for his young son. He wanted to argue saying that he wasn’t doing anything but his mom and wife (?) stopped him, and I told him if he had any issue he could talk to the waiter about it, and I would talk to the waiter if he kept staring. I could tell that his family was very uncomfortable with the whole situation and they ate in silence after that.
Before we left he apologized and tried to act really nice and told us he wasn’t a racist lmao (which ironically, through this disclosure, revealed that the issue at hand was indeed my race)
I was honestly kind of fed up because i was at the Milano Centrale train station earlier that day and some girl cut me in line for food, and she gave two separate excuses when i confronted her about it. When I didn’t give into her bs she was like "you know I tried to be polite" and stormed off.
And while aboard the train to Rome, I was walking to my seat, and there were so many older Italian people who just kept staring at me. The train that I was on had seating in a table configuration, so you had to face the next row of people on board across a table. Funnily enough, I sat next to a (white) American couple visiting and across the aisle there were 2 older Italian ladies who seemed to be staring at me. I stared back and they would look away but I found them staring at me more. I don’t think they stared at all at the other American couple, who frankly were speaking pretty loudly in English
My assessment is that they are used to treating asians from their home countries poorly because they can usually get away with it. In my case, as an East Asian American, I feel like they think they can pull this type of stuff because east asians from asia generally aren't privy to what racism/microaggressions look like, and even if they are, they usually dont feel comfortable enough expressing themselves to do anything about it.
At the train station in Milan, we were stopped by a group of military/police officers who asked to see my passport for verification. I questioned it and asked if I could see ID or a badge because I was wary that it was a scam (have heard of something similar before), and one of the officers said show it to me right now or else you’re going to get in trouble and he put his hand on his baton or gun. Once they saw my US passport they started apologizing and asked me if I needed any help with directions.
Either way, I still had a great time in Italy all in all - but I think these types of trip reports should be shared as well. It was also

Just went to Italy for the second time, and this time I actually had a lot of uncomfortable/rude encounters that I feel like I can attribute to racism. I am sharing this just so other POC can prepare themselves on just what might be expected, as these details aren’t shared in travel guides usually.
When I went to Rome, there was this guy eating with his family who kept staring nonstop at us during dinner. Like, as soon as we were directed to the table, he started staring at us with an unwelcoming and bothered expression. It proceeded almost unwaveringly, and I had enough when he started looking at one of my party member’s phones and then rolling his eyes. So I asked him if he had an issue, and he proceeded to act clueless. I told him to stop staring and set a better example for his young son. He wanted to argue saying that he wasn’t doing anything but his mom and wife (?) stopped him, and I told him if he had any issue he could talk to the waiter about it, and I would talk to the waiter if he kept staring. I could tell that his family was very uncomfortable with the whole situation and they ate in silence after that.
Before we left he apologized and tried to act really nice and told us he wasn’t a racist lmao (which ironically, through this disclosure, revealed that the issue at hand was indeed my race)
I was honestly kind of fed up because i was at the Milano Centrale train station earlier that day and some girl cut me in line for food, and she gave two separate excuses when i confronted her about it. When I didn’t give into her bs she was like "you know I tried to be polite" and stormed off.
And while aboard the train to Rome, I was walking to my seat, and there were so many older Italian people who just kept staring at me. The train that I was on had seating in a table configuration, so you had to face the next row of people on board across a table. Funnily enough, I sat next to a (white) American couple visiting and across the aisle there were 2 older Italian ladies who seemed to be staring at me. I stared back and they would look away but I found them staring at me more. I don’t think they stared at all at the other American couple, who frankly were speaking pretty loudly in English
My assessment is that they are used to treating asians from their home countries poorly because they can usually get away with it. In my case, as an East Asian American, I feel like they think they can pull this type of stuff because east asians from asia generally aren't privy to what racism/microaggressions look like, and even if they are, they usually dont feel comfortable enough expressing themselves to do anything about it.
At the train station in Milan, we were stopped by a group of military/police officers who asked to see my passport for verification. I questioned it and asked if I could see ID or a badge because I was wary that it was a scam (have heard of something similar before), and one of the officers said show it to me right now or else you’re going to get in trouble and he put his hand on his baton or gun. Once they saw my US passport they started apologizing and asked me if I needed any help with directions.
Either way, I still had a great time in Italy all in all - but I think these types of trip reports should be shared as well