Sagittarius woman with aries man

Hello, I've been browsing this subreddit for some time already but never made a post in here. So basically I (30m) met this girl online (25f) somewhere around 9-10 months ago. At the beginning I was not even interested in her for the first month atleast until she started inviting me to play games together so obviously I accepted because I love to have girls in company either real life or ingame. We are both from same country but live 700 km apart. So in the meantime while I continued playing with her I started to norice a very cute thing that made me start to get attracted to her and it was her tenderness. So after 3 months I officially started to like her and slowly tried to make an approach from that moment. We continued to play games obviously, I'm a mature person and I know how to act with girls without showing stuff for example that I'm a thirsty man or some kind of maniac. Obviously from the other side she started to open up herself more and more. So nearly at the end of the last year I finally asked for her Instagram and she gave it to me and that's where we both saw how we look like. Nothing crazy started from that point, she just liked some of my pictures and nothing more. So if I am correct nearly at the end of January she had to go away for a 2 week vacation and that's when the time came for me to ask her phone number. Firstly I tried to show off that I'm a little bit sad and started saying "So we are not gonna talk to each other for 2 weeks huh, that's sad" and she replied "we can talk through insta :3" and that's where I asked her if she can give me her number. As soon as I have said, 5 seconds passed and she went offline without saying anything HAHA. At that point I have said to myself well whatever there are plenty girls around anyways so why I am even bothering with this one? 2 days have passed and I started to feel a little bit sad after what I have done so I just went to Insta and left her a message that it was a mistake what I did and will never ask her phone number again, I also said that she can give it to me when she feels like doing it. She replied later that evening that I should not worry and she doesnt leave her number instantly for what have happened to her in the past. Idk what can happen to a person when you give your phone number to someone but whatever. At that point I started to give up myself, I didn't write to her for an entire month, neither did she. I had concluded that this is over and should move on. At the end of February she came back and wrote to me first. And exactly at that moment this is where I noticed that she started to be more loving towards me, writing me more and started to ask lots of questions. Basically she came back as a different person. So obviously I tagged along and came back to play with her and talk. While time was passing she became more and more loving in the meantime, that until last month she even started to call me "love" instead of my name. I obviously did not call her back like that at the beginning because I consider this stuff as a serious matter. So I waited for more than a week to start calling her "love" back to her just to see if she means it for real. We still did not talk to each other everyday because I did not have her phone number and she had notifications turned off on her Insta, I found out about it on 9 March after I had congratulated her with womans day and she replied the next day only. Anyways I will start coming to the conclusion, in these last 3 weeks of talking she had turned on notifications and it was obvious as hell because she was instantly replying as soon as I wrote to her. We were chatting with each other everyday, giving good mornings and good nights also. I asked her what does she think about meeting up with in real life? It's only a 1hr flight with a plane, not a big deal. She obviously replies full of joy and happiness, lots of in love emojis also. That's where I decided that i want to know her in real life and maybe start having between us something more than being friends. I made sure to give her company while she was having her exam and she was very anxious, I was always there cheering for her and calming her down. Well conversations between us started to get very hot, like a LOT, something that I never would expect from a girl that was this tender, saying that she wants to kiss me all over my body and bite me everywhere, stuff like that. Dont misjudge I love all of this when someone tells me all of thesethings, hell it even turns me on a lot. But at one point while she continued saying all of this I still remembered, I never saw this girl nor I heard her voice yet while writing these things to me . At the end yesterday while I was working, I told her that I am very tired, she told me to immagine that she is behind me and she is making me a massage and then starts to kiss me on my neck and also bites my ears. As again, I love all of this stuff, so I said that I am happy and i dont deserve any of this, she replied to me that I deserve even more than that, and that she wants to do way more possible for me. And that's where it hit me, I might be a dickhead for saying it but I went on and said it: "Honey, are you feeling lonely? Or maybe you are not experiencing love for some quite of time". And that's it, that's where all of this has ended, she obviously asked me what I meant, and I said that I want to understand you more and get to know you more also, those horny phrases that started coming out of her are something that is unexpected to me while we never saw each other yet. At the end yesterday she started to reply with lots of delays until evening, and that's where I asked her if she is mad or maybe sad of what I have asked her, believe me she misjudged what I have said, because if that would be the case where she was feeling lonely then i would do all my best to be with her at her side and never let her go when the time would come. She replied to me that she gave a thought about what i said and decided that maybe she haves to come back to reality. I obviously said to her that all of the things that I have said to her are real and no lies, and I also take seriously everything that you say. She replied to me that she was also serious and not joking at all but maybe she haves to use less tones (horny convos etc.). I asked her if she finally wants to talk through a call with each other but she didnt feel like doing it that day. So I just ended the evening with a "Have a good evening, talk to you next time." So yea this is how it all went until yesterday, I am still sure that she likes me a lot and wants to meet up with me because it looks way too obvious from what she posts on her Insta story and how she still writes to me. But I am pretty sure she will stop calling me "love" and all the horny stuff she said to me. What should I do in this situation? Should I wait few days and come back to tell her what I have actually meant with what I said? I also think its for the better like this when she wont write me horny stuff until we get to meet each other, I am planning to do it next month but at this point I dont even know, I will see how things will go on from this point on. I will not write to her few days until maybe Wednesday, I am pretty sure she will write me 1st but if she will not then I will do it. What are your thoughts guys and girls? I would like some suggestions on what to do, sorry for the long text and thank you all who have read it. I just love to write and say everything when I need someone to talk to that's it.

I work as an entry level store colleague at a major supermarket chain in the UK. I like this girl (call her Sophie, it’s not her name but use this) who I’m on shift with some nights however I’ve realised one slight problem. There is this man in his 40s (call him Mike) who works here too. He wears a suit but without the jacket so I’d have to assume that he’s fairly high up in the company. I believe Mike is Sophie’s father, both have the same surname and on Sophie’s Facebook page there’s an image of Sophie, Mike, a woman in her 30s and a girl who looks about 10.
Would it be awkward to ask Sophie out if her father possibly works in a managerial role?

So I don't even know how to put this the right way .. I am a young(28) petite woman and I raise 7 years old daughter . I rent apartament for us , usually i do work as a personal care assistant for people in need and sometimes children day centre . I love this kind of work ,as long as I remember myself I always loved to take care of others . Overall I could say I , even though it's a bit silly to say so about myself, am a good person , my heart is full of pure intentions and hope, even though I carried a lot of trauma from my toxic childhood, I have been learning to understand and love myself and others more ,so that I can live peacefully, enjoy life and don't eat myself up with anger or resentment.. I learned so much from the moment I was spewed here to the world of humans. SO THE QUESTION IS : I want family . But now that I know what I want in a man and from a man,and what value do I have.. How do you say , would it be possible for me to find an older ,not necessarily wealthy but earning good money man?who would not only want me because I am young and pretty ,and I could boost his ego , but because he would want to take care of me in his way ,and I take care of him my way ? Where a man in position like that would still actually want to build a strong relationship based on honesty,understanding and love? Would any more successful,older man even look my way ? Am I too naive ? 😵‍💫

21 F. I have been reading this sub for awhile looking for advice and here is my story. My parents both converted to Islam when they young and are tall blue eyed blonde haired white Europeans from a country that is historically not Muslim. I am also a tall blonde haired blue eyed white woman. My life has been hell under this religion of Islam. I was born into it and raised in an Islamic community. I never fit in because I was the white one then when I was around other religions that were not Islam I never fit in because I was the Muslim one wearing a headscarf even as a kid.
Everyone around me was almost always brown and spoke another language with their parents. When I went to play with other kids I never understood why they would always speak in a different language to their parents.
When I went to Hajj and Umrah it was a nightmare. Especially at Hajj I remember I was groaped when everyone was circling the Kaaba and all of this while I was under 18. I wanted to scream and report it but I did not want to make a scene and attraction attention to myself. I would be followed around my hotel, some man was always trying to check the air conditioning or clean up or they would walk by room late at night and knock on the door. It was terrifying. And I get nightmares because of it still.
Lately I have been thinking, I am not really sure where I fit in life. I couldn't maintain any social media accounts because I get harassed by random Muslim men. I understand atheism, yet so much of my identity was tied up growing around Islam my whole life it is difficult to imagine what another life around another religion would be like. I did not have a good experience with other religions because they always saw me as foreign or an outsider. I am not even sure how to go about dating or meeting men because I need to find myself first. For starters I know I dont like Muslim men but I dont know how to bring that up with my Muslim parents. I don't know why they had to convert to Islam.
I have never felt like ending my life, it has just been a very hard life. I worry my life will be like this forever. If you are read all of this what advice do you think could help me?

So, I've seen many people say at least Jean got to have sex with her.
The man waited years for her to move on and open her heart (there is still a chance she never moved on), and the man was ready to be her second choice (the kind of man he is he deserves to be someone's first choice), he got married knowing that his wife will probably love a dead guy more than she'll love him. If Jean was only in for sex then he could've settled down with any other girl who's way more beautiful than Mikasa. Mikasa is not the most beautiful woman in Attack on Titan. And Jean is an international hero as well as good-looking. He can get any girl he wants (if Eren has left any). But if he is still in love with Mikasa that means he is not in for sex only only. He is the kind of man who wants to live, cry, and laugh with his wife. But sadly there is a chance he lived a loveless life with Mikasa.
I hope he and Mikasa did not end up together for the sake of his character.
Hopefully, Isayama didn't give him an S-tier development just to make him still chase the girl who never gives a damm about him.
https://preview.redd.it/vwnxiv5ghrzc1.jpg?width=851&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=01f366a93470aa1108de2f5db8685ba89796a73a

Why does it feel like being a woman in this society who won't have sex is like being in an open rebellion? I mean we are not even harming anyone, just existing minding our business and eating our cake.
The expectation that I should want a man is weirding me out. And the fact that most allo women tolerate a lot of bad men due to being attracted to them...? I find myself to be lucky that at least that won't happen to me.
But i feel like an outlier, a rebel who just won't give into the demands placed on me for being a woman?? Of course i don't feel guilty, just kinda lonely. Like no one will understand.
Not to forget, the ace erasure of women. Women are often expected to act like they don't like sex and are "innocent and pure ladies" - so when I, a fully informed adult asexual woman say that I don't want anything to do with sex, it's not even taken seriously?? Because that's just how women are supposed to be apparently.
Boy I'm stumped.

Thus, let us start with the father of the Kayuri's. Born during the 50's, Morgan had quite the lavish childhood. His father served in the CIA during the height of the Cold War. With that, his father began implementing the seed of Morgan's future career.
He went to private school, had wonderful grades, and graduated ahead of time. The bright young man was set up to follow his father's footsteps! Soon he was accepted into the CIA after being endorsed by his father.
And now, the poor boy had an enormous pair of shoes to fill. The weight of his father's presence in the office put pressure during his first years. The fear of failure was something he never wanted. And with that fear he was able to ascend the ranks!
One of these days he went on an assignment with a woman named Mary. And that assignment was how he met the love of his life...
It only took the two a few years to get married, soon to bear some twins. Or so they thought... A higher up in the agency told Morgan they had created a new substance. Substance 14. And their tests on adukts have been fruitless, children however... That was something they needed to try.
Mary outright forbid it from happening, but Morgan was scared. What if his father was disapointed? So many years spent being one of the best agents just for it to be thrown down the drain?
Morgan sat on this as months pass. Soon the twins were to be born. Sadly, the two were too much for Mary, passing as they came out. But strangely... He saw a third. A child in a fetal state It seems like this poor one wasn't able to properly grow.
That's when his superior came in, playing into Morgan's fears. Out of options, he gave the three to the superior. The two healthy babies, male and female, were infected with Substance 14. Other than loud crying from the two, no results were bared. Until Morgan had an idea with the fetus.
He decided to let the fetus incubate in a vat full of Substance 14. There was no other option to save this little one...
Years had passed as he finally named the two healthy children. Felix, and Felicia. The third he would later name Télios, greek for "perfection".
As the years passed, Felicia had some changes. She was a lot faster and stronger than the average 9 year old. And Felix... He was far too mature. Morgan took Felix out to a bridge to have a talk. It soon turned into an argument, and fear for getting made a failure by his son, shot him in the head.
Felix fell back from the shot, falling off the bridge and plummeting into the darkness. Filled with regret, he went back to the other two. Deciding now was the time, he freed Télios from his incubator. Years passed as the three went of assignments as they soared up the ranks! Even though Télios and Felicia were in their teens...
The two has turned 28 as the three came across someone... Morgan's main fear of failure was back, Felix. But how? Whatever caused it, he wasn't going to back down. A fight ensued, the four being beat badly until a black and blonde haired teen broke it up.
Morgan pieced it together in his mind, this must've been his grandson. But then his chest began to produce a stabbing pain. The fight had taken a toll on his old body...
At least he passed away surrounded by his family.

Why should I spend my early 20s with a dude as old as my dad? Especially if I want a kid one day
I actually like older guys but not guys as old as my dad. What’s the pros/cons for a younger woman dating a much older man especially if she wants a family? Do guys in their 40s still even want kids?
I usually would go up to late 30s at the most for a guy. What’s a good age gap for someone who’s 21 (f)

To clarify before we start, I am nonbinary and bisexual myself so while the “LGBTQ+ community is the most fashionable” stereotype is talked about in here (and why they changed Pario to Rococo in the localization), it is important I PROMISE because it just led to the biggest realization and best possible theory I’ve ever had about this game. So none of this is meant to be offensive, this is written by an LGBTQ+ person who loves fashion, talking about what we never picked up on in the game. LOL.
to get to the Dominic part skip to the paragraph that says DOMINIC PART HERE, I’m sorry I’m not good at writing concise intros and I wanted to give context first.
Okay, so I made that sweet tea post earlier explaining how Felicity (from the first style savvy game) actually was probably calling us sweetie the whole time due to a translation error, and somebody jokingly said “what if the tea part was about gossip haha”.
I looked up when people started saying it and it was originally from drag culture, so I started being like, it would be wild if that was intentional and would make sense too because Rococo was canonically a drag queen named Pario in the Japanese version, but they removed the facial hair in the localized versions and made her a woman to avoid controversy or stereotypes or both, so I was like, wow, what if Felicity is canonically a queen too that got lost in localization? She’s literally the most gorgeous character in the game, tall, flawless hair, flawless makeup, just this unobtainable beauty our character will never match. Ok, stereotypes aside, they’d both be canonically trans women now which is still epic, but that’s besides the point.
—DOMINIC PART STARTS HERE—
I started thinking WAY too hard about this whole thing and what other characters might have been LGBTQ+, and jokingly said, “Dominic, I’m looking at you next.”
And then it hit me like a BUS.
We have been theorizing things in the past couple of months on this sub like that he was terminally ill, had trauma involving the death of his parents… but now I am starting to think he was actually a closeted gay man.
Think about it. He gets awkward around girls who may like him. He has all that money and lives alone (besides his butler and maid), never talks about his parents, spends big money investing in the fashion industry, and not only does he own the boutiques but he enthusiastically watches the shows and has a genuine interest in them.
He’s not free from the stereotypes if gay, because he fits the “really hot gay guy no one knows is gay and so they all fall in love with him” stereotype, but like, THINK ABOUT IT MORE.
-He’s probably not out to Godfrey, because Godfrey tries to set him up with girls- but actually, thinking about it, did Godfrey ever say he needed a ROMANTIC partner, or did he just say friend? We did say we were his friend.
-At first after this, Dominic apologizes about Godfrey doing this and gets the wrong idea and is embarrassed, probably because he doesn’t want to lead us on. But when he finds out we said we were FRIENDS, he is happy- relieved maybe that we didn’t say we had a crush on him (even though we all totally did because we had no idea)? Probably also relieved we are a friend that already KNOWS fashion and wouldn’t just use him as the gay best friend that helps us be fashionable… even though you can ask him for fashion advice in contests and do that LOL
-I forget some of Godfrey’s dialogue, but I think I recall him saying he doesn’t like talking about his past, himself, or his parents or something. Disowned maybe? Depressing if true but it just makes sense, if my parents didn’t support me when I came out, I would hate to talk about that too. And this game was made at a time where it was very hard to come out. (It still is, but I feel like there’s a lot more acceptance and easier access to support from others if not your family in present times)
-Any time he suggests going out or taking you home, he backs out. Renee says “oh he’s blushing!” But she’s oblivious that he might not be into women- he could be blushing from embarrassment because he doesn’t want to lead us on and give us the wrong idea.
-Maybe… he isn’t even single!! Maybe he’s secretly dating and he also doesn’t want to hang out with us outside of work because he doesn’t want the press (we know Felicity and Libby would definitely have a field day if they caught us with him just hanging out) to make up stories about us dating out of respect for his partner, and/or because he plans to come out on his own terms when he is ready one day.
I cannot believe as someone gay myself who had a similar awkwardness towards guys (because I lean towards women) because they all had crushes on me and was relieved when they didn’t that I didn’t pick up on this.
If the “Dominic isn’t into women” theory is true, then this is big because it was the best written yet most missed representation in the entire game. I love him even more as a character now because I used to think they were just teasing us and didn’t elaborate enough on him, but it turns out if he’s actually gay, it was RIGHT THERE THE WHOLE TIME but it went over our heads since we were all crushing on him. Like, when he was happy we said we were his friend, THAT WAS LITERALLY ALL IT WAS, nothing more. He found relief in our character accepting him and just being his friend.
I love this as an adult but if you told me when I was 8 I would’ve cried and rejected it and been like “THIS CANNOT BE TRUE HE WAS MY FIRST LOVE…”
Anyway. It is incredibly late now. I have been analyzing Style Savvy 1 for approximately 5 hours straight tonight and I have to get up in 4 hours. But I hope this theory was interesting to somebody.
Goodnight!!!

Hey!! I’m STARR (all caps when you spell it as a reference to MFDOOM) and I am looking for a rp partner! (Preferably long term, I hate short term rping.) I don’t mind whatever gender you are or whatever gender your oc is, and I have a male oc for whatever gender you prefer to rp with! The rp idea is that my oc is the partner of your oc, who is a famous streamer online. Your oc has a very active fanbase and often interacts with the chat and stuff, and my oc has kind of tried to keep out of it because they don’t exactly want fame or anything. One day when coming home from their usual daily activities, they accidentally walk in on your oc streaming and the chat is suddenly super interested in them (whether your oc has told stories about them or just never spoken about them at all) and their reactions are like “omg their real!!” Or “wait, [oc name] has a partner?!” And then my oc feels like they have to stay. Then over time, they start appearing more in streams and the chat starts to adore them and there’s a lot of cute moments. Please dm me if interested!! We can discuss it there!! I currently do prefer to do mxm but something I would REALLY like to try is my character with a trans man or a trans woman, as I haven't really had a partner play trans character before and I find trans people in relationships to be cute and wholesome!! I am a total ally of the community too, so I promise I'm not gonna say bad stuff, I'm just looking for that cute dynamic! I might also be interested in fxf, mxf or fxm if I like the pairings well enough so just let me know!

Hey!! I’m STARR (all caps when you spell it as a reference to MFDOOM) and I am looking for a rp partner! (Preferably long term, I hate short term rping.) I don’t mind whatever gender you are or whatever gender your oc is, and I have a male oc for whatever gender you prefer to rp with! The rp idea is that my oc is the partner of your oc, who is a famous streamer online. Your oc has a very active fanbase and often interacts with the chat and stuff, and my oc has kind of tried to keep out of it because they don’t exactly want fame or anything. One day when coming home from their usual daily activities, they accidentally walk in on your oc streaming and the chat is suddenly super interested in them (whether your oc has told stories about them or just never spoken about them at all) and their reactions are like “omg their real!!” Or “wait, [oc name] has a partner?!” And then my oc feels like they have to stay. Then over time, they start appearing more in streams and the chat starts to adore them and there’s a lot of cute moments. Please dm me if interested!! We can discuss it there!! I currently do prefer to do mxm but something I would REALLY like to try is my character with a trans man or a trans woman, as I haven't really had a partner play trans character before and I find trans people in relationships to be cute and wholesome!! I am a total ally of the community too, so I promise I'm not gonna say bad stuff, I'm just looking for that cute dynamic! I might also be interested in fxf, mxf or fxm if I like the pairings well enough so just let me know!

I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I just don’t feel like a guy. I’ve never fit in with guys. I used to think maybe it’s just bc I’m asexual. Now I’m thinking it’s because I’m not actually a guy. The older I get, the harder it is to suppress the thoughts of wanting to be a girl. I feel like maybe I need to start accepting that, but I’m so — excuse my language — fucking scared.
I have family that would support me. My parents are very progressive Christians that love LGBTQ+ people. I saw how they unapologetically defended my trans man cousin. I know they’d do the same for me, but I’m so scared. What if I’m treated differently because I’m their kid? What if I lose all of my friends? What if I lose my job?
I’m also so scared of giving up my male privilege. Not because I like the protection of it, far from it. I feel like people only listen to cis male allies when it comes to trans issues. I want to make a change within the cis community, and I feel like being trans just automatically creates enemies. Like they wouldn’t listen to me if they knew I was actually a trans girl. I want to help other humans (specifically trans people) more than I want to be myself.
I know this sounds crazy, but I’d rather never have the ability to be who I feel like I am if it meant that ALL trans people were respected and treated like humans.
I know that’s a crazy and outlandish ideology; but I feel like if I actually accept that I am actually a woman, then I would be giving up influence I could use as a white male to HELP trans people as a whole.
Any sort of insight or wisdom is appreciated. I have a main account on TikTok (I know Reddit hates TikTok, but I like making videos) where I’m not out that has over 8k followers, and I use that page to make jokes and support marginalized groups like trans people, other queer people (I’m publicly asexual), and other minorities.
I just want to leave a good mark on this world
Even if that means I don’t get to be myself.

I already know the reaction I am about to receive about this, but if you are going to leave a comment actually take the time to read this through.
I just saw a video of this sweet guy asking this group of girls if they wanted him to take their picture for them because the one girl had to be excluded from the photo in order to take it.. they shouted “EW NO UR A MAN” at him? I felt so bad like the poor guy? and that’s not the only video I see of that nature, I see it all the time.
that’s just one example of my point, why are we grouping EVERY man into this? I fully understand that woman experience hate and violence too which is never okay and I am not disregarding that. I think that the internet has a very bad reputation of grouping every man or every woman into the same stereotype.
I am making this post mainly to address the woman that choose to hate on men constantly when it is undeserving. so I don’t want to see in the comments about how woman experience shit too because trust me I know I am a woman myself. I just find this situation against men to be different.
there are amazing men out there that are being grouped in with terrible men and what for?? If I were to be out with my girls and they decide to shout at a nice guy offering to help us with a photo as I mentioned before, I would genuinely be embarrassed.

Ok, so keep in mind that Billy Joel's first three albums didn't chart very well at all.

1. Cold Spring Harbor
   
2. Piano Man
   
3. Turnstiles
   

These albums all did not crack the top 10.
In 1977 Billy Joel releases his fourth album: The Stranger, which becomes a top 3 hit album.
Then his fifth album: 1978. 52nd Street goes number one and become his first number one album.
In 1980 he releases Glass Houses, another number one in the US
So what do you think Mr. Joel does in 1981?
Wrong!
He releases his first live album, but It's all material from his first three albums that kinda flopped and nobody heard of
No Piano man
No She's Always A Woman
No Uptown Girl
No Movin' Out
It was unheard of!
Live albums were usually bands doing their hits and some stuff from the new album. Nobody every did this before and it took might big balls to do.
The reasoning behind making this album that I've read is that Billy Joel didn't have the creative control during his first three albums to record in the studio with his own band.
So he usually had to work with studio musicians, which is fine, but not what Billy Joel wanted, so this album is in a way the vision Billy originally had for these songs in the first place.
So what do you think?

I have a problem. The grammar correction software on my computer says I should rewrite this sentence to “I need help”. Maybe. It starts with a light grey fog if it is morning, and if it's nighttime, I will just see a glimpse of someone from the corner of my eye.
I cannot take shortcuts anymore.
I was a gifted child and would get by with minimal effort through my teens. There have been days when I’ve put more effort into things than others. This has helped me remain average, with those few moments of extraordinary success. Overall, I’ve managed to stay afloat and be in the field I want to be. But as time took me deeper into the season of adulthood, responsibilities increased and the stakes became higher. The consequences of actions had a bigger impact. A below-average grade in school might not affect one long-term, but during adulthood, one’s livelihood depends on one’s work, and to an extent, the other areas of life do too. I still couldn’t stop taking shortcuts. My relationships suffered because I wanted the easy way to do things. My work colleagues thought of me as lazy but intelligent. I just never learned consistent hard work so making that a part of my life in adulthood felt impossible. I tried, but motivation isn’t enough for consistency. You need habits and you need, well, you need, fear.
I didn’t learn to fear the consequences enough till I met my boss at my last job. Linda was very strict and would go out of her way to make things harder. The woman was a witch, but her daughter, Martha, was a true manifestation of evil. While Linda expected everyone to meet her demands regardless of the workload or high pressure, she didn’t apply the same work ethic to her daughter. Martha was then an intern at our office but Linda was trying to get her daughter placed at an A-tier firm. She was trying to get Martha’s name on pretty much all my work, the same with many of my colleagues.
One major task given to me was creating a list of resources for a big project which would involve me contacting our biggest clients and assessing the resources available at their companies. I kinda delayed sending out those emails and outreach attempts to clients till the last minute. By the time I sent out my first round of communications, we were already near the project’s initial deadline. I knew this was a big project and Linda was hoping for this to be the highlight of Martha’s success while she was at our office. Afraid of having to own up to what I did, I went to the companies’ websites and looked at our previous records. Based on that data, I created a rough estimate of resources. I put these estimate numbers on the list and changed every document to say this was a ‘tentative’ resource list. I told Linda that I hadn’t heard from all the clients and that some numbers had to be estimated figures from our previous records.
Linda seemed fine with the work and we moved on to other tasks. However, a few months later, the project came under ethical scrutiny. The financial ask by our office was based on the available resources from our present clients. However, the actual resources available and the numbers in the report ended up having a seven-million-dollar difference. Since Linda put Martha on the lead, her name was in the ethics committee complaint. Linda immediately tried to put the blame on me and wanted Martha’s name removed from the complaint investigation and process.
I explained to the committee that my numbers were based on the estimates from previous records and the website’s public information. More importantly, I had clearly communicated to Linda that these figures were mere estimates. Martha had taken over the responsibility of drafting the final report. She changed the language in the report and removed the word ‘tentative’ from the document’s language instead of asking me for final figures or getting them confirmed herself. Since most of this was proven by the evidence, I was cleared from the complaint process. Martha, however, got into serious trouble.
I understand where I was wrong and that Linda, expecting me to have done the entire work of researching the numbers, never asked Martha to confirm the figures. At the same time, the figures were estimates and they were tentative.
Regardless, both Linda and Martha blamed me for the downfall of Martha’s career and it was clear no top-tier firms, or any place, would hire her after this disaster. Linda and Martha called me to Linda’s private office during all of this. The conversation was long but essentially Linda told me that I must admit to the investigative team that the job of confirming the numbers had been outsourced to me and that it was my fault that the discrepancy in the final report happened. As much as I wanted for this process to be over, I too needed to think about my own future and this admission would be career suicide for me. I didn’t have the connections or nepotism advantages that Martha had. Linda told me that what I was doing was not right. “You are trying to use a shortcut instead of doing what is right. If you admit to the ethics team that you are responsible for the final report now, we will allow you to stay in the company. If you don’t, I will make sure you can never take any shortcuts in your life ever again”. I refused to admit what I was being asked to. I was fired shortly after.
A few days after I was fired, I got a letter in the mail. It was from Martha and it had her office address. I opened the white ashy-looking envelope. A small yellowing tarnished piece of paper fell out of it. The envelope was otherwise empty. I picked the piece of paper up and it had some strange words on it in a language I didn’t understand. The letters or the alphabet were in English; only the words themselves felt like they belonged to a different language. It was a very short letter, I think, ummm…, must have been like one sentence so seven eight words max. I immediately felt dizzy after seeing the words. I tried to read the words in my head to figure out if the letters actually were incoherent or if it was just me. As soon as I finished reading the sentence, I had the most intense wave of nausea hit me, and immediately after that I fainted.
I don’t know how long I was on the floor for, but when I woke up, it felt like an eternity had passed. The paper was no longer in the room. I had terrible nightmares for days after this. And just like that, I couldn’t take shortcuts in life anymore.
It starts with a light grey fog if it is morning, and if it's nighttime, I will just see a glimpse of someone from the corner of my eye. That’s when I know that I need to stop. Because from here it gets less controllable. I can hear time after this. Not in the ‘tick-tock from the clock’ kinda way. No, it's more of a, actually, I don’t think I can describe it. It's like, umm, well if you think about a color you’ve never seen before and it's not in the color wheel, not cool or warm, nothing like we’ve seen before, how would you describe it? You can’t. That’s what time sounds like. I can’t describe it because it's unlike any sound I have ever heard. I don’t think my brain can process this sound, or my ears for that matter. Because they always bleed after this. Sometimes it feels like something is crawling into them. And then, then, I….. I know they’re here.
It will come from an unexpected spot or opening, like the classic horror movie hands from under the bed. My reflection in the mirror reaching out. Or the door opening even though I locked it. I know to expect it, but I never know what to expect. Every time I experience this, the future version becomes worse and scarier. After this, everything goes dark. In this pitch-black darkness, wet hairy strong arms and hands wrap themselves around my neck. They ask me to choose between myself or another. And as fast as it disappears, my sight comes back. A horrible creature at a small distance, it is feminine and she always has a smile. A sinister smile. She starts to walk towards me, the speed increasing as she covers more and more of the distance between us. I have to choose before she reaches me.
I have always chosen others.
Whoever I choose always dies. Happens in a week. Yeah, as I’m trying to remember, the longest someone has stayed alive is a week: natural causes, accidents, and even murder. The causes can be anything, but they always die, always.
I don’t know if it is the curse itself or just my brain. Whenever I take a shortcut, this process starts. It starts with the fog or glimpse of a person and ends with me having to choose someone. The thing is, if there are others with me when I have taken a shortcut in life, my brain cannot choose a person outside of the crowd of people I’m with at that moment. If I am alone, the choices are unlimited.
A part of my gifted brain usually knows when I am about to take a shortcut in life. There are some moments when I only know because of the process starting. So despite me trying my best, I can’t always avoid it. I have learned to live with it. I had to tell my friends I had a rare type of OCD. So when we go on group trips, if I randomly make them stop or tell them we can’t go on a certain road, it's because of my disease, because my brain can’t take it. I have lost so many people from group activities that involved unexpected shortcuts. Now I try to drive and tell people my OCD is extreme and can lead to severe mental consequences. This helps me avoid fights or the inevitable. I, of course, try to avoid group outings or social events with others altogether.
So why am I reaching out now? Why write about this? You see, I am getting married. Yes, I know, seems crazy impossible. Congratulations to me, despite my condition, I found the one.
I have never met a more caring, loving, supportive, intelligent, and mature man. He compliments my personality perfectly. If it was anyone else, anyone, I wouldn’t be writing this. He doesn’t deserve my curse, though.
My fiance thinks I have some OCD-like mental challenges, and he understands that things need to be done a certain way for me. He respects that. But practically, I can’t always control what we do together. I thought I could, but I’m fooling myself. For instance, yesterday, we were talking about wedding budgeting. He is insanely rich, and his family wants to take care of certain things for the wedding. The fog and sightings have let me know several times that the money his family is offering hasn’t always been earned from fair means. They have used their political positions to earn money in corrupt ways. I can’t accept that money. I can’t take shortcuts. However, with my budget, things can’t be as extravagant as his family likes.
He understands my need to pay for things by ourselves. But that is just one tiny example. I know what you’re thinking. I’m sure you have many questions. How many times has this happened already? Many many times, yes, yes, I am responsible for the death of various people. Why would I do this anyone? I don’t want to, but I guess I’m selfish, I tell myself I have a shot at living a normal life. I tell myself that if I try hard enough, I can live without taking shortcuts and that means I won’t hurt anyone. Why do this to my fiance? Why risk it? I love him, and I can’t let him go. Giving up on being together is like telling myself to give up on life, to give up on, on hope. I just cannot give up on hope. Why not reach out to Martha or Linda? I can’t. I’m too afraid. I’m too afraid. I’m very very afraid. I am scared that if I go to the cemetery, and say something to them, they will answer back.
I told you Martha was the true manifestation of evil. Whatever she cursed me with, I think she anticipated I would try to come to her for a solution. A few days after I received the letter, I was given the news that Martha had hung herself in her office. Linda couldn’t take the news of her daughter’s death, so she followed suit soon after. They made sure I couldn’t take shortcuts.
As I am about to hit the submit button, I can see a glimpse of a person from the corner of my eye. If this is a shortcut, it gives me hope that whoever is reading this can help me find a solution.

I don't know can jealousy be inherited or learned?
My mom is so jealous that as long as I remember her she is telling my dad how he wants to go out with some other woman. I remember her crying when I was small that dad took longer to stay at work. When we gifted a coat and a scarf to my dad he looked very classy with it (overall he is a good looking man), my mom didn't let him wear it even once.
And my grandmother was even worse. To the level where she accused my mom trying to seduce her own father...
So with such background I'm gonna say that I am way less jealous than both of them. At least I recognise when it's happening but even though I don't want to act on it, I still might at least retreat and get quiet until I calm down. But it still makes apparent to another person that something is not right.
And I hate that feeling so much, it simply is such an ugly state to be in, you, yourself don't feel anywhere close to good.
And still I can't get rid of it. :// I know that usually somewhere after a year, when I am truly convinced that my partner loves me and he is not interested in other women that jealousy goes away. And as long as he doesn't wave his friendships with other women over my face I feel calm for him to do whatever he wants.
But every new relationship is always a fight inside my head ;d to not ruin something what just barely started and scare away a person I like so much. And I'm writing it now because we started some kind of LDR. I'll be straight I don't feel certain or secure about it. I would say the communication is not the way I would like it to be. And the thing is he said how much he likes me but also that he can't help relationship at the moment until he saolves his personal issues. So we do chat everyday and have weekly calls. But every time he mentions he was talking with another woman or that woman friend asked his opinion on something I feel bad. :/ And I know it's so awful and I try not to show it in any way but it still ruins my own mood so much. I'm don't know how to get out of such mindset. How to accept that friendships are friendships and that not every women he talks to wants him to be theirs...!!
Basically help :/

I thought I'd hit rock bottom until the floor gave way and I went ever further down. I thought I had nothing left to lose, so kept spiralling. I thought there was a morbid fucked up beauty in self-annihilation, that it meant nothing because I felt nothing. Getting 'better' seemed impossible. Fantasies of slipping the noose around my neck became appealing, rather than frightening.
Now I'm sober. On the mend. A regular functioning member of society. Swimming in circles, truggling to cope with the sheer weight of decades of repressed emotions and memories burying me in a flash flood of regrets. How can I go on knowing the pain I caused to those I love?
I miss my dog. Our connection was the only thing getting me out of bed most mornings. A little being I was responsible for, who loved me despite my flaws. I miss my ex. Why couldn't I do it for my ex? Why was I wallowing in self-pity, when the only woman that I felt comfortable with in their arms.. The only person who brought comfort to my ever-racing mind. After a while, sorries become meaningless. The damage is done.
It's been around two weeks since I last held a conversation. The guilt of my continued existence has smothered my voice box. If only silence was fitting reparations
The drugs wreaked their havoc on my brain, body and spirit. I imagine my brain to be tattered and full of holes now. An empty space where the fading memories of us, and our time together, used to live.
Yes mum. I'm 3 months sober now. No mum, I haven't slept in 3 nights. Why? Because I read a case study of a man who died from insomnia. Wishful thinking, I know. Dont worry, its only passive ideation.
I missed my birthday last week, realised three days later. I was too busy thinking of the things I should have said. The things I should have done. Another decade older. Im tired. Another dawn, another day.