I grew up SDA Reform Movement since I was six years old. I had always been what some may call a free spirit, or as my mom would put it, a rebellious child. But I also grew up with a love for the scriptures and a hunger to learn more. I would sit in the bible studies being held in my home with the adults and my pastor while all the other kids would hang out in the basement watching Veggietales or some other movie on VHS. Suffice it to say, being a Christian was a big part of my identity and my life.
When I was eighteen, I finally worked up the courage to admit to myself that a) I was bisexual and b) I no longer identified as a Christian.
Of course, in the four years since then, I went through periods of time where I tried to get back into Christianity. Sometimes I still do. I thought that maybe I could join a liberal Christian church. But that wouldn't work because I believe and was raised as a Saturday observing Christian. And then I thought, maybe I could go to the main SDA branch and just craft my own Christianity. But again, I just know it wouldn't work. As much as some part of me wishes, I can't see a future for myself in which I turn back to Christianity.
I tell my parents I no longer believe in god to keep them off my back and stop them from trying to convert me back, but that isn't the truth. I still do believe in god. Or a god-like presence out there. I just don't care to know or understand the secrets or truths of the universe. The only truth I know is that I am here on this earth because my parents had sex. Nothing more than that. I am content to live my life day-to-day without a thought for the afterlife. I also do not wish to associate myself with a religion that has historically weaponized its doctrine in the genocide of my people (I'm South American native) and the continued oppression of other groups today.
Rambling aside, the thing that pushed me to make this post was that I drove past a church this evening on my way home from work. There were groups of young people outside and inside it, and it looked like they were hosting some sort of event. As soon as I saw them, I felt a wistful ache and tug at my heart. I'm not exactly sure how to describe the feeling, so perhaps you guys could help me out.
My sister asked me why I like to consume media that bastardizes Christianity (think Ethel Cain, Hazbin Hotel, Lucifer, Supernatural, Good Omens, just to name a few). And I know part of it is because of the catharsis it brings. To see something that has been used to oppress groups of people for centuries then get twisted and used by those same groups. But I think another reason why I like it is because I spent years of my life devoted to the teachings of Christianity. And now that I no longer practise, I find myself thinking, "What do I do with all of this information? This thing that I know a lot about and used to have a burning passion for?"
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the way I feel about Christianity is the way one might feel about an old fandom they were into at one point and know a lot about, but for one reason or another, no longer finds joy in anymore. At least, not in the same way it was before. You desperately try to get yourself back into it, but it is futile. Because you have changed. And so, you are forced to carry around the knowledge you spent years of your life devoting yourself to.
Anyway, this is all to say, do any of you ex-Christians find yourself wistfully longing for your old faith? And maybe even still find joy in certain aspects of it?

Flirting with your dad’s secretary (A4A) (Dominant listener) (Sub/shy speaker) (Kinda spicy)
Summary: It’s take your child to work day and your father brought you to his office. His secretary has been instructed to watch over you and make sure you don’t get into trouble. As the two of you are getting to know each other, they accidentally spill some coffee on your dads lap making him very angry. After saving them from your dads wrath and leaving your dads office things get a little spicy between you two. This might be the start of something either very beautiful or very illegal, Only time can tell.
[SFX of an elevator beeping]
Hello, I am Violet your dads secretary and the person in charge of taking care of you for today. If I might say you definitely remind me of your father, and also you look stunning.
[…]
Yeah I know that I don’t exactly fit the stereotypical look of a secretary, I mean you probably imagine a woman in high heels and “bigger” proportions than mine if you know what I mean. But I’ve been told I look very feminine all my life and sounded pretty feminine so, if the shoe fits.
Yes boss I got your coffee right here exactly how you like it, and the reports are in this folder here. Anyway how about I just give those silly reports to you and take your child here off your hands.
So what do you want to do, oh um y-you want to hang out with m-me? W-well of course you do, I mean you’re k-kinda s-stuck with m-me so dammit I’m getting off topic, what do you want to do.
[…]
Oh you have a c-crush I can probably help with that, so tell me who the lucky person is.
[…]
How do you not know their name I feel like that’s a pretty important step to love, I mean did she just move to your school or something.
[…]
Oh that makes sense, okay well the first step then is to get to know them like their favorite things to do, favorite things to eat, and just get to know what type of person they are.
I mean that’s worked for me a total of once, I’m not that romantically experienced if you can’ t tell after all I’ve only had one partner in high school.
[…]
Oh um y-you think I’m p-p-p-p-pretty, w-w-w-well t-t-t-thanks I t-t-think you’re p-p-p-p-pretty t-too.
Um s-s-sure y-you can p-practice on m-m-me, my favorite things. Well I do enjoy writing quite a bit I mean it’s just some silly poems but, you’d like to read them uh sure I have them right here.
[…]
Y-You l-l-like i-it, uh no I haven’t taken any writing classes why. Y-You think I-I’m p-pretty g-good, uh t-t-thanks, I’ve never shown anybody those before.
[…]
Okay I think I hear your father we should probably get to him before he gets pissed, well yeah I want you to come I mean I am supposed to be watching you for the day. Anyway lets go, he doesn’t like to wait after all.
[Time-Skip activate]
[SFX of a door opening and closing]
Hey boss I got your donut and your coffe-oh shit, sir I am so sorry I’m still not used to these heels yet and. Look sir I’m sorry, I can clean your suit I swear.
[…]
Uh yeah what they said, it was an accident I swear I would never do that on purpose. Uh how about the two of us just take our leave, I mean I still got some work to do and I don’t think they wanna be here any longer than they have to.
[…]
[SFX of a door opening and closing]
Hey thanks for sticking up for me back there, I don’t think I could’ve done it myself, I am to afraid of him when he’s pissed off. Okay and now were here at my office, like I said I got work to do so if you want you can either help me or just play on your phone or laptop if you brought it.
[…]
Y-Y-You w-w-w-want m-me t-to w-w-what, y-y-you w-w-want m-me to sit on your l-l-l-l-lap while I work. Uhs-s-sure I-I c-can do t-that.
[…]
Okay I can do this I can do this just sit on their l-l-l-lap it’s not that hard.
[SFX of speaker breathing heavily]
Okay I need to get this work done(I just hope this won’t be too much of a distraction), h-h-hey y-y-ou can’t just grab my waist like that.
[…]
T-T-Turn around, but then you can see me blush, t-t-t-that’s the p-p-point, oh my god you are a f-f-f-f-flirty one aren’t you.
Okay fine I turned around now wha- [SFX of kissing]
W-W-W-Wow your l-l-l-l-lips taste amazing, m-m-m-mine t-t-taste great as well um t-t-thanks. Damn if your father saw this he would kill both of us.
[…]
Well yeah we keep this a secret, I kind of need this job after all. Give you my phone, oh you wanna put your number in, okay here it is.
[SFX of typing on a phone]
Okay now that you did that can we um k-k-k-k-k-kiss some more, please.
[SFX of kissing]
Monetization of this script is allowed with proper credit given. A couple things to address, all characters are of legal age, in the story the speaker says "you probably imagine a woman in high heels" I meant stiletto heals for that portion.

I know fictional men is a topic that’s been touched on time and time again in comphet discussions but I’ve noticed a theme in my attraction to fictional men (animated ones) and I was wondering if it’s a shared experience. When it comes to fictional guys, I like imaging myself in scenarios with them, both romantically/sexually and non romantically/sexually as well. However, I imagine them as men in the non-romantic/sexual scenarios (i.e they’re protecting me) and then I imagine them as women when it comes to romantic/sexual scenarios.
The thing is, in the romantic scenarios, they look exactly like they do in whatever show they’re from, they’re just women now (with “AFAB” parts). I love masculine women and present masculinely myself so maybe that’s why, but any time I come to the conclusion I’m a lesbian this seems to be the one roadblock that prevents me from actually being confident in that identity (even though I’m actively imagining them as women lol).

I am a 23 M and I have so much trouble traversing through my friendships and relationships alike. Ever since childhood I have this deep rooted belief (which almost always becomes true) that all of them dispart from my life whether due to circumstances or through their own...
I don't remember much about my childhood but I maybe able to point out instances where I felt that I was somehow neglected the care and attention (maybe). And maybe that's how my abandonment issues started with. Later on in my life I did develop a whole personality around being extremely tough and having 1-2 close friends and no one can hurt me. Until my very first relationship I was left abandoned by this person. They never told me why they left me, it just happened one sudden morning wherein I woke up and they didn't exist, just disappeared. I tried asking them later on in my life why was that the case but it didn't come out well. I did get over it somehow, yet I often think about how that might have left an impact on me...
I'm currently in my third relationship and I've been told by my partner that I have intense reactions to things. I've always thought positively about my emotions, like feeling too deeply when I'm in love and so on... So to be told something like that affected me v much. Like I'm v dependent on my partner, to give me attention, to almost be my friend, and I know the burden I put on them maybe. Even if they say they want to.
I have been alone majorly or felt alone majorly for my entire life. and when I do get this close to someone, emotionally, physically and romantically, I'd want them extremely badly. Like I'd want to keep them close to me at all times, I'd want them to talk to me all the time... I do have a lot of fear of rejection and abandonment sometimes. Piling up on the fact that I already feel I'm never enough, or I'm a burden, or I'm too much for anyone who's close to me. Somehow even the smallest things sometimes affect me so much, yet I have never even tried to raise my voice in arguments with my partner even if I may have wanted to..
I guess my second relationship which was v abusive also has a lot to do with what I'm refraining from in my current relationship. I'm constantly getting triggered by a lot of things that my partners seems to not be, so I feel really bad about stuff that maybe I'm the one trying too hard for this relationship or I'm the one who's putting efforts (while that may not be always be the case).
I really wish I could afford a therapist and talk to them about all my fears.. I've resorted to this community for help..

Reminds me of 2021 when my now ex was obsessed with sally face so I decided to watch an entire play through of sally face and get extremely invested and watch tons of sally face edits and my favorite edit had the Mrs potato head song and now every time I hear that song it just reminds me of that and even though we broke up forever ago and I’ve more than moved on he’s to this day by far the most impactful person to ever be a part of my life and I don’t know what I’d ever do without him
I also thought it was funny how I didn’t tell him until like 6 months ago how I was so invested in sally face because of him all because I didn’t want him to find out I was ripping his entire personality from him and he was like omg you should’ve told me I love sharing interests with people and I was just like oh 💀
His birthday was yesterday I got to wish him the happiest birthday ever since I like forgot and was a week late last year 😭
Anyways yeah I was just thinking about how he’s like impacted my life more than anyone I’ve ever met and I’m glad that even though we broke up and moved on from each other in a romantic sense we’re still able to be part of each others lives and he’s continued to be the best friend I could ever ask for
It’s been 7 years since we met and I’m honestly astonished we’ve held out so long because of the things that have happened between us but I’m also glad to say that I see him being part of my life in the future even though we only talk like once or twice a month now compared to when we used to talk all day every day for quite a few years

Dear A,
I arrived to my second job and, while dumping trash and cleaning windows, I played Barry Manilow's "Ready to Take a Chance Again" (that's your energy speaking, so I gave it a real-time listen). As he expressed openness towards giving love another try, I can see why the universe had picked that song to communicate to you. As much as I was trying to move towards the future with you, this time, it was you who wanted to look back into the past. There must have been something I had missed or somehow chose not to see (if I'm truly being honest, here) way back in October 2020. Sure, there were other rather unpleasant circumstances that did take up a lot of real estate in my mind. With a lot of that cleared out now, it's the perfect time for me to revisit and take a second (or third, fourth ... sixteenth ... ??) look back.
I can't recall exactly what you and I were talking about that one night, but you had something that had stuck with me, "There is no safe place in love." Now, I know that real love should make me feel safe (and with you, since this is starting to look like real love, I'm safe and free to share with you what it is that's really in my heart). But, considering the context of what I had shared with you, you were trying to tell me that real love is worth taking the risk, putting your heart and soul out there, and take a chance that it might actually be a mistake, it might end up being a wrong choice. I had been trying SO HARD to avoid making that kind of mistake with you, that it ended up ... well, I ended up messing up (not entirely, because I'm now being given the chance to grow and learn from it). Mr. Manilow was very correct when he told my story, explaining that avoiding real love was playing it safe. Yes, this would also explain why I had intentionally looked for and chased after guys I knew who were NOT you, because I knew that they were wrong. My rational thought during those times were, "Well, I know that I can't really fuck this up because it's already messed up and it's not going to go anywhere." When I had told you that I wanted you to be "close enough to know you're there, but not too close" (or something like that; you might need to remind me, if you kept and saved our conversations) because I wanted the convenience of know that you exist and you're THERE, but you're far away enough to where that's all you are to me. Well, the universe certainly delivered on what I had desired at the time. The present circumstances, whatever they are, that's keeping you from getting closer to me was the fruit of what I had spoken over (what I was thought was a temporary) our connection. Yes, you're there. You're close enough for me to know that you're there. But you're also too far for me. Unlike October 2020, now in May 2024, I'm now realizing that I want you to be closer to me than just the knowledge of your existence. Yes, I'll also tell you that it was something I totally WASN'T expecting, so this is taking me by complete surprise.
By the time Mr. Manilow has expressed his intent on opening himself up to love for what seemed like the millionth time, I realized that if things are going to go further with you ... as in, we're able to BOTH graduate from unspoken communication into proactively working together to build a substantial relationship in the real world, then I will need to take the risk by opening up my heart, as well as my life, to you. I had spent the past few years avoiding it because, after what happened with W, I had internally written myself off as a failure in love and believed that it was better for me to just avoid it. Little did I know that four years later, the universe would be using you to knock on the door of my heart, gently prodding me, "Give love one last try." There you were, quietly and patiently waiting, being confident that I would eventually get there.
But the universe still had more in store for me.
As I moved into the dusting portion of my job, suddenly ... for no reason at all ... out of the clear blue sky ... the song "Can't We Try" popped in my head. Following the universe, being oh so grateful for the change of the track, I decided to fire it up. Now, what I was EXPECTING was simply listening to Vonda Shepard and Dan Hill thrilling my ears as they portray many unspoken love stories from 1987 onward. What I wasn't expecting, however, was to hear you. And I knew that it was you speaking because, instead of mindlessly continuing my dusting, I reached the point to where I totally STOPPED WHAT I WAS DOING and actually paid attention. One of the many things I heard was you saying, "Talk to me. Speak to me. I'm listening. Whatever has been on your heart, but you were too afraid to share it, tell me." For the first time since our separation in 2021, I was shocked that ... I had NOTHING to really say. I couldn't say anything. I mean, if you were to recall my long-forgotten phone number and simply say, "GalaxiGazer, I'm here. There's so much you want to tell me. I'm listening. What do you want to say", I'd lose all train of thought and simply blank out. What WOULD I say to you, if given the chance? (kinda ironic how I'm spilling out to you a long letter talking about having nothing to say to you. I'm going to totally LOL after sending this out into the universe). But my newfound silence had a purpose. One of the unspoken questions I had been asking you was, "What was it that you were trying to get me to understand?" Well, Dan Hill answered, "It's love we're fighting for." Well, again, I fell silent. This "this" that I had been trying to figure out and define now has a name: love. This is something that you and I are BOTH involved, so it's definitely not a one-side mindfuck. Yes, I'm also very well-versed in the English language. The word "fighting" is an active verb, implying that there is a measure of action involved in the present. It also means that we have not achieved love yet. We're both still fighting for it. Well, if it takes this back and forth in the interwebs for the next 87 years to get there, then I guess that's what it's going to take.
As I eventually moved into cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming, I gave more thought to the concept of love. From what I'm picking up, my frustration is that I had been looking for evidence of love between us, something tangible for me to visually see and touch, so I'd be able to confirm that (real) love is there. Obviously, you see it differently. While the effects of love can be tangibly felt, love itself is abstract and cannot be logically defined or experienced with concrete evidence. Yes, I can sense it, feel it every now and then, but if I'm waiting for something that I can get my hands on to somehow "prove" that we have real love, well, I'm going to be in for a frustrating time. That could also be why I had been having such a hard time being apart from you and not hearing (physical words) from you. While it's nice to verbally hear you say "I love you", the only way that I'm really going to truly know that it's there is by understanding that it's THERE. It's alive, existing, and quietly waiting there. I just simply need to trust that real love is there. Yes, the universe will eventually manifest it into the physical realm, but that's only a confirmation of what's ALREADY in existence apart from the physical. As I continued meditating on this, I was also brought back to a shelved conversation that you and I had back in October 2020 as well. This was right before you crashed at my place. We briefly talked about faith and believing in what cannot be seen. Even while I was scrubbing those toilets, it was like I can hear your spirit gently challenging me, "How was it that you were able to simply believe in a love from an unseen entity that you never heard, seen, or even felt, but with me, you question it? What's the difference between the two?" Well, aside from the fact that I know you exist, I know your name, and I've physically touched you and visibly confirmed your presence, there really isn't any difference. All I did was simply believe that (an invisible force previously known to me as) "god" loved me and I'd eventually see it. Perhaps I should apply the same principle with you: I need to trust that it's there.
By the time I had wrapped everything up, clocked out and started on my drive back home, I thought about what that duet said, "It's love we're fighting for". That also makes me think of Warren Barfield saying the same thing, "Love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for." That brings me back to that classic scene when, after Michael had superglued the salt and pepper shakers together, he stopped Caleb from trying to break them apart. He was warned, "If you pull them apart now, you'll break either one or both of them." At least for now, I'm not questioning this unspoken yet very eternal bond between us. However, it makes me think back to October 2020. Something must have seriously happened during those 31 days where you and I were somehow superglued to each other. Between our text conversations, those brief times that we were able to talk on the phone, and even our "date" shopping together at Wal-Mart that one night, what the hell happened??? No, I don't expect you to answer. That's just going to have to be the question I'll be pondering in my mind for the next 87 years.
~ K

I am psychotic and went through the entirety of P1 and catalogued every time Colin addressed Penelope. And in which way he said her name, and the context. I have way too much time on my hands. I saw someone counted the times Pen vs Penelope was used and I wanted to go deeper so here you all go for those who are curious!
I did not catalogue when he spoke her name to other people like Eloise. Only when he directly used her name or nickname to speak to her.
Some things I noticed:
When he is speaking to his family or house staff, he only refers to her as Penelope. He refers to her as Miss Featherington only to the suitors in the park on their first outing.
Alright let’s get into this!!
Episode 1:
1. Pen: At the first garden party and is the first spoken interaction between Colin and Penelope of the season. Colin seeks Penelope out and begins a conversation.
· “Pen. It is good to see you.”
2. Pen: At the four seasons ball. Colin calls out to Penelope when she rushes past him out of the ballroom, he is in front of all the other lords when he says this.
· “Pen? She did not look well, did she?”
3. Pen: Colin follows her out of the party and into the garden. Colin says this before she absolutely rips him a new asshole.
· “Pen… I am just getting some fresh air (that sir was a lie) … Why are you leaving so soon, especially in such a charming dress.”
4. Pen: When Colin apologizes in her garden.
· “I am certainly not ashamed of you, Pen.”
Episode 2:
1. Pen: Penelope and Colin are meeting for the second time, at the market. Colin says this shortly after they talked about how they met.
· “Pen, living for the estimation of others is a trap.”
2. Penelope: Colin and Penelope are meeting at Bridgerton house for lessons. Colin says this in front of one of the house staff.
· “Penelope, I’ve been eagerly awaiting your visit.”
3. Pen: They are in the Bridgerton drawing room, and Colin is trying to get her into the mindset of their lessons.
· “Imagine it with me, Pen.”
4. Pen: Colin has just come to find Penelope in the study. He says her name softly until he realizes she was reading his journal, and the rest of his sentence is filled with frustration.
· “Pen… were you reading that?”
5. Penelope: Colin is trying to make her realize that she is worthy of speaking with a viscount. Colin says this at the start of the celestial ball.
· “You are Penelope Featherington, do not forget that.”
6. Pen: Penelope has just been humiliated publicly by the mamas. She rushes out and Colin calls after her.
· “Pen, wait!”
7. Penelope: Penelope has just asked Colin to kiss her.
· “Penelope…”
Episode 3:
1. Pen: Colin addresses Penelope in his dream.
· “Pen, I uh…I have not been able to sleep, I have not been able to… eat.”
2. Penelope: Penelope is about to leave from their ultra-awkward moment, where he has just basically been friend zoned.
· “Uh… Penelope, I… I hope… Well, I… I wish very much for your happiness.”
Episode 4:
1. Pen: Colin has just interrupted Penelope’s dance with Lord Debling.
· “Pen… You cannot marry him. You hardly know him.”
2. Penelope: Colin has just run after her carriage and is out of breath.
· “Penelope… Please… Let me in.”
3. Pen: Colin is telling Penelope why she cannot marry Debling. His tone is desperate.
· “You cannot marry that man… He will leave you, and he is too particular… And he is… He is just not right for you, Pen.”
4. Penelope: Colin is proposing to Penelope after he finger blas- … *ahem* romantically confessed his feelings to her.
· “For God’s sake, Penelope Featherington. Are you going to marry me or not?”
I hope you all enjoyed this. I am glad I did this because it was fun, but also because now I have learned some things:
Colin will call Penelope by her full name in front of his family and house staff, yet when he is concerned for her, he will drop her nickname right in front of his cavalier “friends” without missing a beat. Shown in episode 1. He didn’t care for one second how he sounded. He saw that Penelope was upset and he dropped everything to go check on her. He also mainly used her full name in serious situations. Also to track back… Colin like really drops every single thing in a heartbeat for Pen it is so cute!
Her nickname comes out incredibly naturally. He uses it when he is just talking to her and when he is trying to be soft with her, or comforting. I love that when he went to find her in the study, he softly said her name and it only changed to frustration because he noticed her reading his journal.
He uses her full name first and last when he is trying to make a grand gesture or a point.
Also, when he used her nickname in the dream. It was so good. I know before this part came out; we were all curious if he would use her full name Penelope to show that she is no longer his childhood friend Pen to him. I glad that is not the case. In his dream he is dreaming about kissing his longtime friend Pen, who also just happens to be the love of his life and a wonderful kisser. I love that he still calls her Pen, more so than Penelope.
I love that Colin calls her Penelope during their awkward encounter under the willow tree. I felt like in that moment he would call her Pen, but now he is unsure if she even wants that, because she is clearly trying to take a step back. So, he keeps it formal as he feels like she clearly did not see their kiss in the same way that he did.
Finally, when he uses her nickname Pen when he tells her she cannot marry Debling that also got me. Like ahh I just love it so much when he calls her that. It is so endearing and just such a cute nickname, because he is the only person who calls her that. Even Eloise calls her Penelope, her closest friend (I am currently in denial). Pen is something only between her and Colin and him calling her that when he is trying to profess his great feelings for her is JUST SO WHOLESOME AND I LOVE IT!!
Anyways that’s basically another full essay I have done on JUST PART 1?? Lord help me when part 2 comes out…

I’ve been out since freshman yr of 21 but still sometimes question whether or not I really am. I’ve had so many amazing talks with my family about just how much they support me and love me in every way and the future that I’ll continue to face as so, but having yet to date anyone, and probably still a little far from the possibility, I sometimes find myself questioning my sexuality. Sometimes I find myself finding a guy cute/attractive in some aspects, most times girls, but overall I still feel a bit confused. I feel like I know I’m a lesbian as my first ever real crush and real feeling of love for someone was one of my best friends freshman yr who I really felt a connection with and knew I loved romantically. Heck I even had dreams of kissing her lol. I just find that, that initial spark I first had, I’ve never really been able to find it again, and seeing that it’s been years, you can kinda guess why I’ve been starting to question it. Any advice/inquiries?

I don't know how to "tl;dr" this. I feel adrift and confused and need help. I've been thinking about all of this for long and it's not gotten better.
I'm attracted to both men and women and have known that for a while. I've had relationships with men, mostly because I thought I had to. I’ve never had one with a woman but have had dates, though nothing happened. I was a teen and bullied out of it by my "friends" the first time. In my 20s, it was because I couldn't tell if the women were into me or not and neither made a move. I was also years deep in therapy and noticed I couldn't deal with their messiness because I was having a hard enough time with my own life. (If I'd done therapy before meeting the men I dated, I'm sure I wouldn't have dated them either.)
That’d be okay if I weren't in a relationship with a man for years now. I was so in love with him and that lasted a while into the relationship. I also knew him for years and felt we were compatible. As with all my other relationships, though, I eventually couldn’t reciprocate his sexual and romantic feelings anymore.
Differently from before, I don't want to blow it up. He’s the only person I don’t mind being around. I was married before, I’ve friends I love who are some of my favourite people, but it's never like this. My partner’s understanding, supportive, we have the same sense of humour, similar goals, he respects me. I can talk so openly to him. I enjoy sex in the rare occasions when it happens, so I don't think I'm asexual, but I hardly ever think it's worth the hassle. (After the burnout I rarely have the energy to commit to anything that isn't one of my special interests, actually.)
Neither sex and romance come naturally to me. I love my boyfriend and wish I could meet his needs, but I can't without heavy masking, which I don't want to do. He doesn't pressure me. I just feel very bad, because he deserves to be happy, and I wish he had a partner who's good to him as he is to me.
Then I wonder whether it'd be different if I were with a woman. In general I'm not attracted to genitals nor the textures, senses, and germs related to sex, but I fantasise about kissing and being near women's bodies way more than I ever did men. It also feels more consistent with whoever I am to be with a woman — I don't know why though. I wonder, if a woman had the same qualities as my boyfriend, would the sexual and romantic parts be easier? I don't know how to answer that. I haven't had those experiences with women. I’m also aware that a woman is another person. I generally do not enjoy people and prefer to be alone; women are no exception. And if they had higher romantic and sexual needs than I do, which seems to be the case for most, I'd be right back to square one. Also “grass is greener” and all that.
If I weren't in a relationship with someone I love, I'd just stay open to being with a woman and see where it goes. But because I am, I feel like I have to figure it out, so that I don't accidentally make things much worse.
I don't know what to do and I'm exhausted. If you've read all of this, thank you, even if you don't have the energy to comment.

Basically, my partner and I have definitely never been in a healthy longterm relationship prior to the one we share right now. Because of this, I think in the past we have been moreso traversing toxicity and trying to maintain a certain level of healthiness in such an unhealthy relationship that we don’t know how to approach the “normal” stuff.
Over time, relationships become familiar— and people get comfortable, in a neglectful way. I understand that, and I understand that familiarity can be repetitive and at times boring, but also extremely comforting and an important part of a healthy foundation.
But I do feel as though we are lacking in the romance department. I guess I don’t really feel like I’m being “won over” any more, and that the spark is kind of starting to dim. Not to say that I am not responsible for this myself, but I definitely don’t lean into it if my boyfriend isn’t creating that romance either.
I think the romance thing is definitely also affecting our sex life, and lack of sex life leads to lack of romance, and it’s just a cycle. It just kind of makes our relationship feel more one-dimensional. I love my boyfriend so much, we have such a deep and genuine connection, but we’re definitely experiencing some subtle declines. It definitely impacts how I view our relationship.
Another thing is, and this sounds crappy, but I think romance is super important to me because it’s what really drew me in to my partner originally. It sounds dumb, but I guess physical attraction hasn’t been the largest pull for me from the get-go, but his heart, personality, and the way he treated me made me fall for him. Without this romance though, it’s hard to feel that same attraction to him overall, which also effects sex life. I just also think that depictions of love for someone and the sweetness of a relationship just makes me more inclined to initiate sex as well.
I’m not looking for crazy gestures or anything. We’re in college and we’re busy and broke. But occasional flowers would be nice, or a planned date night even if it’s somewhere super cheap. Or a picnic or something. And most of all, just like romantic and meaningful comments about one another on a day to day basis. We don’t express our feelings a lot anymore. And I also don’t really feel like he calls me pretty anymore. If he comments on my appearance it kinda seems more sexually driven, which really doesn’t land well for me in terms of motivating me to engage in sex with him.
I’m not really sure how to approach this at this point, I think it’s been an issue for awhile. I try to talk to him and it isn’t that he isn’t receptive, I guess I just don’t really know how to express it in an effective way that gets things to change. I try to lead by example but it can become discouraging if he doesn’t catch on. I definitely just think we’ve both grown complacent. And it’s so hard because this isn’t some urgent, toxic crisis issue at all, like we’re used to from being in our past relationships. I actually think it’s quite a healthy and normal issue to have. But that makes it in a way harder to tackle? Not sure if that makes sense.

1. I at one point believed people were good and got deceived a lot. It set me back mentally and I'm sorry you took on that burden and tried to help me pull myself out. That shouldnt of been on you. I'm truly apologetic for putting you through my failing mental health and depleting your own in the process. I was trying but I wasn't able to try at the capacity I now am. That's not me trying to convince you of anything now just shedding light and trying to create a bit of understanding that I was a different person then and am better now. Again I'm sorry I put you through all of that and I get if you don't understand. My intentions were never to hurt you like that. I really hope you see that. I wasn't trying to bring you down and put pressure on you. I'm sorry I failed at being who or what you needed / wanted. I had a lot of self growth to still achieve. I was at a point of discouragement that I had one step forward and three steps back and again that shouldn't of been the case when we were looking toward our future. I'm sorry for how everything went with the apartment situation. I did it completely wrong. I'm sorry that it's now set you back further than you would've of liked to be at this point. I'm sorry you can never truly forgive me for that and that you'll resent me for that mistake forever. I do love and care about you but I believe this separation / breakup is good for both of us to refocus on what we are trying to accomplish in this lifetime on our own. I would like to be your friend in time as I do care about you as an individual and will always have a place in my heart for you. Romantically no longer but you're not a bad guy and I hope you start making healthier changes and find the love you may be looking for in the future. I don't want you to hate me, that's the thing that truly breaks my heart because I tried so hard to make your day to day easier in my eyes but with lack of communication that was unseen or misconstrued to you. I don't want you to have to walk on eggshells and I didn't want to either. You may be completely right we are two different people. Both loving and caring just not in the ways the other expects or wants. Doesn't mean I'm a bad person and that doesn't mean you are either. We are just two people navigating this strange world we live in and enduring the hardships life throws. I hope at one point or another you did love me enough to see that I was only ever in your corner and my actions were out of love and concern with no malicious intent. Thank you for picking me up when I was down. Thank you for creating space at points to listen and understand. I hope you felt that with me too. Sorry for this lengthy message but I needed to get that out there cause clearly right now I'm too emotional to really communicate over phone calls without getting wrapped up in rage or hurt or whatever my emotions are doing at this point. Connor you will always have a place in my heart. I will be there for you if you ever need me friend. I'll be by tomorrow to clear my stuff out and we can talk about other things later on cause like I want to transfer the AJR tickets to you, idk what happening with Forest, and I'd still like to help get Nekos teeth cleaned and contribute to the loan I helped create. So ya. Let me know.

2.Can you at least try to ask yourself why last year when y'all found ME at Electric Forest you decided to stay with me the whole time and my group of basically randos even more than your own group.... And we had a magical time, a time I will never forget and am truly grateful for. You even said you wished I just came with you and regretted not letting me...Okay I'll leave you alone now. Just hurts you are so quick to give up on us and where we are at NOW in our lives vs.. where I was at mentally before when I needed to grow more. Last time you told me you were pushing me away so I'm sorry I tried to fight to stay. Love will make you do that & I'm not sorry for the love I had for you. I've grown a lot, maybe it's time you grow now too instead of projecting hate at me for your own lack of growth throughout our relationship.
3. I'm really sorry it's so hard to leave you alone. I'm sorry I'm not respecting your wish for space and time and that I keep putting you back in uncomfortable situations with conversations you don't want to have with me anymore at this time. I thank you a lot for not turning me away yesterday. Thank you for giving me another day of feeling like I belonged with all of you in a sense. I'm sorry if I ruined your trip. Or your day. It's hard to turn love off for you Connor. I won't ever truly be able to do that wholeheartedly. You have such a pull over me that literally sometimes I get so anxious around you so nervous my brain just leaves me and I just get so awkward and weird and thank you for just letting that happen.. I just get so overwhelmed with everything I want to say or try to get you to understand I lose it. I know you need to process a lot right now and I'm sorry I'm forcing you to try to deal with stuff you aren't ready to face right now. I don't want to drain you. I don't want to be bad for you. I just want to understand you more. I did it in the worst ways tho. Ill continue to work on myself and I hope you do too. I am proud of you and just want you to feel happy, fulfilled, and loved. I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with you and still believe you to be amazing.
All of these got no replies..
Learn from me and don't break no contact.

Not sure if this is the right place for this but given that the people in this sub skew skeptical but also well-versed in the guru-sphere, I'd figure I'd get your opinions.
I have a friend who is very much invested in listening to gurus, as well as orients herself as very anti-woke to the point of asking me if "woke craziness" is why I want to emigrate from my home country when I told her I wanted to leave Canada for Europe (it wasn't even a factor for me, didn't cross my mind).
She recently asked me if I want to go see James Lindsay - I missed him when he was in my city last. She got to see him and she loved it.
I have found Lindsay interesting in the past but over the last few years, he seems unhinged and not just in a lolcow way but in a genuinely troubling and troubled way. I don't find what he has to say interesting anymore, nor do I find it to be accurate. I have less than 0 interest in seeing him.
Would you come out to your friend as no longer invested in the guru-sphere in my shoes? Would you be half-truthful but vague and polite, "I used to really like Lindsay but I'm not sure about his latest stuff"? Or more honest, "These gurus are not infallible and I actually disagree with most of them. They need to be held up to scrutiny, and they were/are actually wrong about a lot of stuff"? Or lie and make up some excuse?
Note this person isn't a close friend, but she is someone I care about and trust and enjoy (as a colleague).
Thoughts?

In the vast, ever-evolving landscape of Hollywood, new talent emerges regularly, but only a few manage to captivate audiences and critics alike with their performances. Jacques Abrahamian, a 29-year-old actor, is one such rising star. With his striking presence and undeniable talent, he has carved out a niche for himself in the competitive world of acting. This blog will explore Jacques Abrahamian breakthrough roles and speculate on the promising future that lies ahead for this talented actor.

Early Life and Passion for Acting

Jacques Abrahamian was born and raised in the culturally diverse neighborhoods of Los Angeles, California. From a young age, Jacques exhibited a profound interest in storytelling and performance. Encouraged by his parents, who recognized his innate talent and passion, Jacques participated in school plays and local theater productions, where his skills began to shine.
His early exposure to various cultural narratives and artistic expressions significantly influenced his acting style, allowing him to bring a unique perspective to his roles. Jacques Abrahamian commitment to his craft led him to pursue formal training at prestigious acting schools, where he honed his skills and prepared for a professional career in the industry.

Breakthrough Role: "Echoes of Silence"

Jacques Abrahamian journey to stardom began with his breakout role in the independent film "Echoes of Silence." In this critically acclaimed drama, Jacques played the character of Daniel, a young man grappling with the aftermath of a personal tragedy. His portrayal was both poignant and powerful, capturing the complexity of human emotions with remarkable depth.
"Echoes of Silence" premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, where it received rave reviews. Jacques Abrahamian performance was highlighted as a standout, earning him a nomination for Best Actor. This role not only showcased his talent but also opened doors to more significant opportunities in the industry.

Television Success: "City of Shadows"

Following his success in independent films, Jacques transitioned to television with a pivotal role in the crime drama series "City of Shadows." The show, set in the gritty underbelly of a metropolitan city, follows the lives of detectives as they unravel complex criminal cases. Jacques played Detective Adrian Vasquez, a dedicated and morally complex character who quickly became a fan favorite.
"City of Shadows" was a commercial and critical success, with Jacques's performance being a key factor in its popularity. His ability to portray a character with such nuance and authenticity earned him widespread acclaim and solidified his reputation as a versatile actor. The show's success also led to numerous award nominations, further establishing Jacques Abrahamian as a rising star in Hollywood.

Tackling Challenging Roles: "The Depths"

One of Jacques Abrahamian most challenging roles came in the psychological thriller "The Depths." In this film, he portrayed Julian, a man struggling with severe mental health issues while uncovering a dark family secret. The role demanded an intense emotional range and a deep understanding of the character's psyche.
Jacques Abrahamian immersed himself in the role, conducting extensive research on mental health and working closely with psychologists to ensure an accurate portrayal. His dedication to authenticity paid off, as his performance was lauded for its rawness and emotional impact. "The Depths" not only showcased Jacques's ability to take on complex and demanding roles but also highlighted his commitment to representing mental health issues with sensitivity and accuracy.

Versatility in Comedy: "Love in the Time of Tech"

Demonstrating his versatility, Jacques Abrahamian took on a comedic role in the romantic comedy "Love in the Time of Tech." The film explores modern relationships in the digital age, and Jacques played Max, a charming but awkward tech entrepreneur navigating the ups and downs of online dating.
"Love in the Time of Tech" allowed Jacques to showcase his comedic timing and lighter side, a departure from his more intense roles. The film was well-received, and audiences appreciated his ability to bring humor and warmth to the character. This role further demonstrated Jacques's range as an actor and his ability to excel in various genres.

Future Prospects: Upcoming Projects and Potential Roles

As Jacques Abrahamian continues to rise in Hollywood, several exciting projects are on the horizon. His upcoming roles are expected to further cement his status as a versatile and talented actor.
"Echoes of the Past"
Jacques Abrahamian is set to star in "Echoes of the Past," a historical drama that delves into the lives of individuals affected by a significant historical event. His role as a conflicted journalist seeking truth and justice promises to be both challenging and rewarding. The film's compelling narrative and strong ensemble cast make it one of the most anticipated releases of the year.
"Quantum Divide"
In the realm of science fiction, Jacques Abrahamian will be taking on a lead role in "Quantum Divide," a futuristic thriller exploring themes of identity, technology, and morality. This genre will allow Jacques to expand his repertoire and demonstrate his ability to tackle complex and thought-provoking narratives.
Broadway Debut
In addition to his film and television work, Jacques is set to make his Broadway debut in an upcoming production. The stage has always been a significant part of his acting journey, and this opportunity to return to live theater is a testament to his versatility and passion for the craft.
Directorial Aspirations
Beyond acting, Jacques Abrahamian has expressed interest in exploring directing and producing. He has been involved in the creative process of several projects and is eager to bring his vision to the screen. This move could open up new avenues for his career and allow him to influence the industry in innovative ways.

Impact and Legacy

At just 29, Jacques Abrahamian has already made a significant impact on the entertainment industry. His ability to bring depth and authenticity to his roles, coupled with his dedication to his craft, sets him apart as a remarkable talent. As he continues to take on diverse and challenging roles, his influence is expected to grow, inspiring a new generation of actors and filmmakers.
Jacques Abrahamian journey is a testament to the power of perseverance, passion, and hard work. His success serves as a reminder that with dedication and commitment, it is possible to achieve greatness in the highly competitive world of acting. As audiences eagerly await his upcoming projects, there is no doubt that Jacques Abrahamian's star will continue to rise, and his legacy in the industry will be long-lasting.
Jacques Abrahamian rise to fame at the age of 29 is a story of talent, hard work, and a deep love for the craft of acting. From his early days in independent films to his breakout roles in television and beyond, Jacques has demonstrated a remarkable ability to captivate audiences and bring characters to life. His versatility, dedication, and passion have positioned him as one of Hollywood's most promising young actors.
As we look to the future, Jacques Abrahamian upcoming projects and potential roles hold exciting possibilities. Whether it's in historical dramas, science fiction thrillers, romantic comedies, or on the stage, Jacques's talent and commitment are sure to shine through. His aspirations in directing and producing further highlight his desire to push the boundaries of storytelling and create meaningful work.
In an industry where new talent constantly emerges, Jacques Abrahamian stands out as a rising star whose breakthrough roles and future prospects promise a long and illustrious career. As he continues to evolve and take on new challenges, audiences can look forward to witnessing the growth of a truly exceptional actor.

Love Marriage Problem Solution The institution of marriage – a beautiful union of two souls, a bond of love and commitment, and a lifelong journey of growth and discovery together. Yet, despite the joy and happiness it brings, marriage can also be a challenging and complex journey. From conflicts and misunderstandings to the everyday struggles of balancing work and family life, couples often face a multitude of obstacles that can put their relationship to the test.
But with the right tools and strategies, even the most seemingly insurmountable challenges can be overcome. In this blog post, we’ll delve into the secrets to a happy and harmonious marriage, exploring proven techniques and advice for solving common love and relationship issues. From effective communication and conflict resolution to intimacy and emotional intelligence, we’ll uncover the keys to building a strong, resilient, and loving partnership that will stand the test of time.

The importance of a happy and harmonious marriage

Marriage is often referred to as the ultimate union of two souls, a partnership that brings joy, companionship, and a sense of belonging. However, beneath the surface of love and romance, marriage can be a complex and challenging journey. It requires effort, commitment, and effective communication to navigate the ups and downs of life together. A happy and harmonious marriage is not just a dream, but a reality that can be achieved through a combination of understanding, patience, and dedication. When partners are able to work together as a team, share responsibilities, and support each other’s dreams and aspirations, the bond between them grows stronger, and the marriage flourishes.
In this section, we will explore the importance of a happy and harmonious marriage, and how it can positively impact every aspect of one’s life. From building a strong foundation of trust and respect to creating a sense of belonging and security, a happy marriage is the key to a fulfilling and meaningful life. We will delve into the characteristics of a happy and harmonious marriage, and provide practical tips and strategies for couples to cultivate and maintain a healthy and loving relationship.

Common love and relationship issues that couples face

As the idealistic glow of newlywed bliss begins to fade, many couples are confronted with the harsh reality of everyday life, revealing underlying cracks in their relationship. The once-tantalizing prospect of togetherness gradually gives way to the all-too-familiar refrain of resentment, frustration, and disconnection. It’s as if the very fabric of their love has become frayed, leaving them wondering how to mend the tears and rekindle the flame that once burned so brightly.
One of the most common love and relationship issues that couples face is the lack of effective communication. It’s not uncommon for partners to retreat into their own little worlds, speaking different languages and seemingly unable to understand each other’s needs and desires. This can lead to feelings of isolation, mistrust, and even anger, as each individual becomes convinced that they are the only one trying to make the relationship work. Love Marriage Problem Solution
Another common issue that many couples encounter is the pressure of societal expectations. The relentless pursuit of perfection, fueled by social media and the constant barrage of curated happiness, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and inadequacy. The pressure to conform to certain norms or standards can be suffocating, causing couples to feel like they are living in a fishbowl, with everyone watching their every move.
And then, of course, there is the age-old problem of conflict resolution. When disagreements arise, couples often find themselves stuck in a cycle of blame and defensiveness, unable to find common ground or work towards a resolution. This can lead to feelings of resentment, bitterness, and even despair, as the once-happy couple becomes mired in a sea of negativity. Love Marriage Problem Solution
In this blog post, we will explore the secrets to a happy and harmonious marriage, tackling the common love and relationship issues that couples face head-on. We will delve into the proven strategies and techniques that can help couples overcome these challenges and build a stronger, more resilient relationship. Whether you’re struggling to communicate with your partner, feeling suffocated by societal expectations, or simply seeking to improve your conflict resolution skills, we’ll be here to guide you every step of the way.

Why do couples struggle to solve their relationship problems

The quest for a happy and harmonious marriage is a journey that many couples embark on, but one that often proves to be more challenging than expected. Despite the best of intentions, couples frequently find themselves stuck in a rut, struggling to navigate the complexities of their relationship and overcome the obstacles that stand in their way. But why do couples struggle to solve their relationship problems? The answer lies in a multitude of factors, from the lack of effective communication and emotional intelligence, to the pressure of societal expectations and the fear of vulnerability.
One of the most significant reasons couples struggle to resolve their issues is the presence of unresolved emotions. Unaddressed feelings of anger, resentment, and hurt can simmer beneath the surface, causing tension and creating a sense of disconnection. When these emotions are not confronted and worked through, they can lead to a buildup of resentment, causing the relationship to become stagnant and even toxic. Furthermore, the fear of bringing up these emotions can lead to a culture of avoidance, where couples avoid discussing their feelings and needs, rather than confronting and resolving them. Love Marriage Problem Solution
Another significant challenge couples face is the lack of effective communication. When couples fail to communicate their needs, desires, and feelings in a clear and respectful manner, misunderstandings can arise, and conflicts can escalate. Moreover, the presence of unsolicited advice, criticism, and blame can create a sense of defensiveness, making it even more challenging for couples to find common ground and work through their issues.
Lastly, the pressure of societal expectations and the fear of vulnerability can also hinder a couple’s ability to overcome their relationship problems. The expectation to maintain a perfect façade can lead couples to avoid discussing their true feelings and needs, while the fear of vulnerability can cause them to shut down and avoid intimacy altogether. Love Marriage Problem Solution
In the following sections, we will explore proven strategies for overcoming these common challenges and building a stronger, more harmonious relationship. By gaining a deeper understanding of the reasons behind your relationship struggles, and by implementing effective communication and conflict resolution techniques, you can unlock the secrets to a happy and harmonious marriage.

The power of communication in a successful marriage

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a happy and harmonious marriage. It is the foundation upon which trust, understanding, and intimacy are built. When couples communicate effectively, they are able to express themselves openly and honestly, without fear of judgment or rejection. This allows them to resolve conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner, rather than letting them simmer beneath the surface, leading to resentment and bitterness.
In a successful marriage, communication is not just about talking, but also about listening. It’s about being present and attentive to each other’s needs, desires, and concerns. When couples listen actively, they are able to understand each other’s perspectives, and work together to find solutions that benefit both parties. This, in turn, fosters a sense of unity and cooperation, and helps to strengthen the bond between partners. Love Marriage Problem Solution
Good communication is not just about avoiding conflicts, but also about confronting and resolving them in a healthy and respectful manner. It’s about being willing to apologize and forgive, and to work together to find common ground. When couples are able to communicate effectively, they are able to overcome even the most challenging obstacles, and come out stronger and more resilient on the other side.
In this section, we will explore the importance of communication in a successful marriage, and provide practical tips and strategies for improving communication in your own relationship.

Effective communication strategies for couples

Effective communication is the backbone of a healthy and harmonious marriage. It’s the foundation upon which trust, understanding, and love are built. When couples communicate effectively, they can navigate even the most challenging conflicts with ease, and find common ground on the most pressing issues. On the other hand, poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and feelings of isolation.
Effective communication strategies for couples involve more than just talking to each other. It’s about listening actively, showing empathy and understanding, and being willing to compromise and work together. It’s about creating a safe and non-judgmental space where both partners feel heard and valued. By using these strategies, couples can prevent misunderstandings from escalating into full-blown conflicts, and instead, build a stronger and more resilient bond. Love Marriage Problem Solution
Some key strategies for effective communication in marriage include using “I” statements instead of “you” statements, which helps to avoid blame and defensiveness. Practicing active listening, which involves giving your full attention to the other person, and paraphrasing what they’ve said to ensure you understand their perspective. And, being willing to apologize and forgive when mistakes are made, which helps to diffuse tension and rebuild trust.
By implementing these effective communication strategies, couples can improve their relationship dynamics, reduce conflict, and build a stronger and more loving bond.

How to overcome common conflicts and disagreements

As any couple can attest, conflicts and disagreements are an inevitable part of any romantic relationship. It’s how we navigate and resolve these challenges that can make all the difference between a happy and harmonious marriage and a loveless one. But, where do we start? And how can we overcome the common pitfalls that can lead to resentment and disconnection?
The truth is, every couple has their own unique set of conflicts and disagreements. Some may argue about finances, others about household chores, while others may struggle with communication and intimacy. Whatever the source of the issue, it’s essential to acknowledge that conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, and that it’s not about avoiding them altogether, but rather about learning how to navigate and resolve them in a healthy and constructive way. Love Marriage Problem Solution
So, how can we overcome common conflicts and disagreements? It starts with understanding that each partner brings their own set of emotions, needs, and expectations to the table. By learning to listen actively, empathize, and communicate effectively, couples can begin to break down the barriers that often stand in the way of resolving conflicts. It’s also essential to identify and challenge any negative thought patterns and behaviors that may be perpetuating the conflict, and to work together to find a solution that satisfies both parties.
In this section, we’ll explore some proven strategies for overcoming common conflicts and disagreements, and provide practical tips and techniques for couples looking to strengthen their relationship and build a stronger, more loving bond with each other.

Strategies for building trust and intimacy

As you navigate the ups and downs of married life, it’s easy to feel like the foundation of your relationship is crumbling. The once-strong bond of trust and intimacy can begin to fray, leaving you feeling disconnected and uncertain. But fear not, dear reader, for it’s never too late to revitalize and strengthen your relationship. In this critical chapter, we’ll delve into the proven strategies for building trust and intimacy, the cornerstones of a happy and harmonious marriage.
Imagine being able to share your deepest thoughts and desires with your partner, knowing that they will listen with empathy and understanding. Envision a connection that is raw, real, and unbridled, where emotional intimacy knows no bounds. This is what it means to build trust and intimacy, and it’s not just a romantic fantasy – it’s a tangible reality that can be achieved through commitment, communication, and a willingness to grow together. Love Marriage Problem Solution
In this section, we’ll explore the importance of vulnerability, active listening, and emotional intelligence in fostering a deeper connection with your partner. We’ll also examine the role of shared activities, sensual touch, and other physical and emotional intimacy-building strategies that can help you rekindle the spark in your relationship. By the end of this chapter, you’ll be equipped with the tools and knowledge to create a stronger, more resilient bond with your partner, one that will stand the test of time and challenges. So, let’s dive in and unlock the secrets to building trust and intimacy in your marriage!

The role of conflict in a healthy marriage

Conflict – the four-letter word that can strike fear into the hearts of many couples. It’s a natural part of any relationship, and it’s often what separates a happy and harmonious marriage from a miserable and loveless one. But here’s the thing: conflict is not the enemy of a healthy marriage. In fact, it’s a necessary evil that can actually bring couples closer together if navigated correctly.
Think about it – when we’re in a relationship, we’re not exactly the same people we were when we were single. We’re now a part of a team, working together to build a life and a future. And just like any team, we’re going to have disagreements and disagreements. The key is to learn how to communicate effectively, to listen actively, and to work together to find a solution that satisfies both parties.
In fact, research has shown that couples who communicate effectively during conflicts are more likely to have a strong and lasting relationship. It’s not about avoiding conflict altogether, but about using it as an opportunity to grow and deepen your connection with your partner. Love Marriage Problem Solution
So, how can you incorporate conflict in a healthy way into your marriage? One strategy is to make sure you’re both on the same page about what’s acceptable and what’s not. This can be as simple as having a conversation about what triggers conflict and what strategies you can use to stay calm and composed. Another approach is to practice empathy and understanding – put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective.
By embracing conflict in a healthy way, you can actually strengthen your relationship and build a stronger bond with your partner. So, the next time you find yourself in a disagreement, remember that it’s not the end of the world – it’s just an opportunity to grow and thrive together.
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I have been dating someone new for a few weeks now and in that time we've found ourselves getting along crazy well. She is extremely romantic and sexy and we both can feel ourselves falling for each other. However, recently, I've begun to notice a problem that's REALLY bothering me. Her brother (early to mid-20s) is kinda getting in the way of our relationship. Now for starters, I am an only child. I have cousins that I'm quite close to but no siblings, but I am aware of normal sibling rivalry and how siblings can be assholes to one another but still be somewhat tolerant of each other. Unfortunately, my girlfriend's brother, for the last few years apparently, has been going through some serious mental health issues that make him extremely homophobic, transphobic, bigoted, etc. and my poor girlfriend has been the primary target of his insufferable behavior. I understand that he's going through stuff, but I am genuinely scared for my gf sometimes when I hear about his behavior. I wonder if it is only a matter of time before he becomes seriously violent towards her (based on what she's told me so far its been slurs, yelling/screaming, slamming doors, and throwing things in her general direction in a fit of rage). In my opinion, her parents are enabling his awful behavior by allowing him to stay at the house. I understand the need to support people going through mental health crisis (I have my own issues), but if one of your kids is being abusive towards the other, you need to step in to stop the behavior, but they haven't been doing enough. My girlfriend basically has to avoid him completely like the plague even though they live in the same house. Her parents are like "well he's still our kid and he's an adult" so they're not kicking him out and they won't force him to get treatment for his mental health issues. He also refuses to go to family therapy. I don't think he has a job either. But, how his behavior impacts our relationship is that any time she brings me up to her family, her brother gets upset and angry that my girlfriend is happy with me, and he starts yelling at her. This leaves her feeling very upset and then when I want to talk to her later she's still upset about her brother's behavior. We don't get a lot of alone time or privacy since we both live with our parents and we also both work full time during the week (and my girlfriend also gets drained from her job). Therefore, we don't have a lot of time to ourselves. The weekends are usually family time but family time for her means time with her brother which leaves her feeling emotionally upset and drained and not able to be present with me. Now if I had a perfect family myself and didn't deal with my own family drama, I would have the mental bandwidth not to care about a messed up brother. However, I do have my own family drama as well that leaves me feeling emotionally drained. In addition to being an only child, my parents are separated. So one day I will have to be a caregiver to two parents who don't live with each other. If my partner has family drama that leaves her responsible for both her parents welfare in their later years, and her brother is unable or incapable of helping, that would mean we would both be responsible for 4 elderly adults, who by the way, don't live in the same country. Have I mentioned yet that we are long distance and live in different countries? And that we both want kids down the line? As much as I love her and I know she loves me, I have no f*king clue how the logistics of our relationship would work long term. I have always wanted to marry someone who had siblings so my partner wouldn't feel solely responsible for their parent's welfare when they are older. If my partner's brother refuses help, and continues to be an asshole to everyone, when their parents are older, it will be my girlfriend taking care of their parents. She'll need someone then to be able to help her do that, and at the same time, I will be needing someone able to help me do that with my parents who, again, don't live near each other. Whilst my mom has a partner, he's 10 years older than her so she will likely still need someone down the line. My dad has dated on and off, but he has not found anyone yet. Also, neither of my parents are wealthy enough to hire help/an in-home caregiver and I do not want to see my parents in a care home. What the heck do I do now?!?!
TLDR: I am concerned about taking care of my own separated parents down the line while also taking care of future kids and my current girlfriend will likely need to manage care for her own parents because her A-hole brother may likely be unable to help. Additionally, one or both sets of our parents will be living in another country then too. How might the logistics of this relationship work? We both love each other a lot but I'm anxious about making it work with both our families messyness.

So first off, I've been incredibly lucky. I was dx at 41 after I felt a lump in my breast. I'd already been getting mammograms at a younger age because my mother was dx'd at 44. Anyway, lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node dissection came up with some nodes showing cancerous growth. I did eight rounds of chemo, did a bilateral delayed reconstruction ,and eventually decided to move forward with radiation. I also did the salpo ophorectomy (sp) bc I have the BRCA2 mutation
I am about five years of 'no evidence of cancer'. I'm so thankful.for that and that I received active treatment before covid hit.
Now, I'm nearly 47. Single then, single now. Im not really feeling very sexual (my reconstruction failed so one implant is in but maybe capsulated and the other removed so it looks like little valleys instead of being completely flat--basically im lopsided, my hair is thinning a lot, gained weight thanks to poor diet, exercise (trying to drum up the motivation), and to medical menopause).
I am fearful of trying the dating apps (never used them before) and the information I feel id have to disclose? Id love to have a traditional romantic relationship or even a great guy friendship. But all I feel is that I'm not feminine enough anymore. Have anyone of you joined the apps and found ppl who didn't think of these things as a deal breaker, in short- or long-term friendships or relationships?
Thanks so much in advance for any stories or reasons for hope!

Long story short I’ve known this girl for years, she has been friends with my friends for a while. And I have recently got back in contact with her through her best friend. Recently, I’ve developed feelings for her that are relatively strong, but I had a roadblock because her best friend the one helped me be friends with her again, did that for me a little over two weeks ago. Recently she seemed to start talking to other guys again so I believe we’re OK as we also haven’t stopped talking since. Regardless. Of my hesitation, she found out after a fun night with her. We were sitting on a parking garage during sunset and just had a deep conversation about our lives and everything in between. It got brought up that she knew that I had feelings for her and we started talking about it. She basically told me that she didn’t find me unattractive whatsoever and (which is what I had thought.) and didn’t dislike anything about me at all. She even told me she would be open to the idea of dating me read her problem is that she said she’s in a weird place with love right now After a recent romantic experience (with someone who led her on)and doesn’t know what she wants/needs.
This put me in a weird position. Because she’s 100% worth the wait to me and I love everything about this girl. for the time being I’m not going to push anything, but you think it’s worth me waiting and letting her heal? I still want to pursue her. ? ;Tl:DR; thoughts?

For the original post, visit here: https://www.reddit.com/CharlotteDobreYouTube/comments/1cfl5w1/exposing_exhusband_coming_soon/
Hello everyone, we have some major updates to this coming Petty Revenge story that will involve exposing my ex-husband for who he is and trying to protect the next person from falling into his trap. They will be coming in a separate post once I get everything together.
This is my story for context with the ex-husband. It will be a longer post, to be warned. Trigger warning for those who may be sensitive to stories about abuse and self-harm
Since my original post, the woman who is currently with my ex-husband, (not with as in together, anymore. With as in living with currently until she can find a new place for her and her kids), we have continued to stay in contact, and boy is this the drama intensifying. In short, the ex-husband is still playing his horrible games and turning her life into an ever-living hell.
Some backstory on my side. I will shorten my ex-husband to EH.
I (28F) and EH (36 M) met when I was 18 and he was 26, so there was a bit of an age gap, but that did not matter to either of us. We got engaged roughly 4 or 5 months after we started officially dating and we moved in together at the request of my parents as we could not fit everyone into the same home we were renting at the time. Things of course started off great. He seemed like a decent man who had his life at least somewhat figured out. He loved to cook and usually worked in some form of cooking-related job. However, never really seemed to be able to keep a job for too long but at the time, I didn't think much of it, given I was 19 and wearing rose-tinted glasses.
Since he couldn't hold a job and we usually had to ask his grandmother for money to keep up with the rent (both worked basically minimum wage jobs at the time) so after a year out of the house, we had to move back in with my parents.
Once we got settled back in there, I started a better-paying job and he had started a new job that was at least okay paying as well so for a bit we were doing okay. We made enough that we adopted 2 horses together and boarded them at a nearby facility. One came in late spring, the other in the summer of about 2016. So after 2 years of being together.
We got married that same year in the fall. Everything seemed perfect. Then came the wedding night... What I thought was my monthly woke me in the middle of the night before it was time to get up to leave for our honeymoon because I was suddenly bleeding very heavily, it freaked me out and we silently went to the ER without telling my family to not cause alarm. Come to find out, I was having a miscarriage. I was a little over 6 weeks pregnant and did not know. Needless to say, not exactly the best way to start your marriage, and did not go on our honeymoon. We never told my parents it happened and very few people know.
We held off until the following year, 2017, to go on our honeymoon. While we were on our honeymoon, I got a call that my mare had come down with a fever and the stable owner was calling vets out to see what was wrong. The first vet played it off saying it was just minor, gave her penicillin, and told the stable owner to give her a cool bath to help her cool down and see if it helped. It did not. They called a 2nd vet after that was not working for a second opinion, and my mare was diagnosed with Potomac Fever. Since it had been a few days since she started her fever, giving her the correct medicines at that point as she was getting very poorly was a 50/50 chance of whether they would help or not. We did cut our vacation as short as we could, but we ended up having to wait to come home as our board check removed what we had left to come home on so we had no money until we got paid again, luckily that same week.
The day before we were able to return, my favorite singer, Chester Bennington passed away. I was devasted. When we did get to the stable, we bought some supplies the stable owner advised us to get, mainly wraps and bags of ice to help ice my mare's feet to try to help keep her fever at bay. We were advised by the vet when they stopped by the check on her that the next day they would bring out an x-ray machine to see if the bones in her feet had turned down or not. If they had not, then she had a chance of making a full recovery and staying sound, and everything would be okay. If they had, then she would likely never be able to be ridden again and need a lot of corrective shoeing and therapy which would be very expensive. We were also trying to keep her on her feet as if she went down and we could not get her back up, it would be a death sentence.
The next morning I went to the stable as early as I was able and.. disaster. I was met by the stable owner and he had advised that my mare had been down when he checked on her sometime in the early morning, around 3 or 4 AM. He was able to get her up then but wasn't able to tell how long she had been down before he found her and got her up, however, she had gone down again and had refused to get up. I was so heartbroken and went to her and tried for a good hour or so while my parents showed up. I was in tears telling them we'd probably be putting her down because she was down. We did get her up, but the damage at that point was done. She was down way too long and she has very noticeable nerve damage. Hardly able to walk, went to the bathroom in spurts, and was so unsteady on her feet that she could barely stay up. When the vet came, we let her know what was going on. They looked her over and advised that her fever was gone, but the damage would probably be permanent without very expensive therapy throughout the years and would never be the same again. It was the humane choice to let her go and she crossed the rainbow bridge that day. I only had her a year and 2 weeks on the nose, but she was my best friend, my heart horse, and I miss her terribly to this day, soon to be 7 years later come July.
After this happened, EH and I went through a bit of a rocky patch. For a week or so he was supportive and seemed to care that I was grieving the loss of my mare, but after a little while it turned into arguments about how I could still be upset, time had passed we still had our other horse so I should be fine, all sorts of crazy things. I couldn't understand how he could say those things to me, especially when he knew I was so close with my mare and had many great plans with and for her that were now of course, not possible. He didn't care so I just stopped going to him when I was upset about it.
Fast forward to late fall of 2018, we decided to move out of the home we were living with my brother in and move into a house owned by his grandmother for a work opportunity for my EH. He ended up getting the job which solidified us moving. Moving didn't go so bad, however, I had to leave my job to move so I was without for a bit until I got a job at the same place he was working at, which was a casino. Usually, we worked separately as he was a cook and I was a cashier for the different food areas, but sometimes we worked in the same area. I much preferred to be in a different area than him cause if we worked in the same restaurant that night, it would get exhausting with him trying to joke around and make passes at me in front of people and joke around that it was the husband and wife team and everything was great. The first few times it happened, sure it was actually kind of funny because we had worked through some stuff and were doing okay at that point, but it did get a bit old and repetitive at some point, and never had any personal space. Plus, I was the one driving because he had a suspended license at the time so I was stuck with him most of the time after the new food court opened. We got our first puppy together for my 22nd birthday the day after New Years, 2019.
We moved on to work with a co-worker at a duck farm in the area we lived which was kind of a fun job. He was hired full-time and I was part-time. We took care of thousands of ducks every day doing whatever needed to be done from farm maintenance, giving them vaccines, sorting them, tagging them, etc. I kind of miss that job as it was an interesting one to have. All was well during these times, but we did sometimes have arguments because he felt since I didn't work as much that this somehow meant I was being lazy around the house and could stand to do more cooking and cleaning (which I was already doing a majority of anyway). It turned into a lot of gaslighting arguments that made me feel like maybe I was not doing enough so I took on more than what I was already doing. With the new puppy and at that time 7 fish tanks ranging from 5 gallons to 150 gallons with over 100 total fish and the entire house to clean and outside work to do, I was busy most of the time he was not home. Of course, as soon as he got home, he would find 1 dirty little thing that I didn't get to or something that wasn't to his standards and he'd excuse me for doing nothing or not knowing how to do anything right. We got jobs working for the same place after the duck farm mysteriously let him go for unknown reasons, which I can now only assume were his fault. We met some nice co-workers and got our second puppy from one in late fall of 2019. My dogs could be Irish twins because their birthdays are a little over 9 months apart.
Things started to decline after this, especially during covid, 2020. I got it very early on when they didn't know what it was and was bad enough that I could not work at all because I was struggling to breathe and function most of the time for months afterward. He did help me some but not much more than getting cough medicine and checking on me every once in a while other than that, he wasn't around me much due to having to work or just not coming around me when he was home, which fair, didn't want to bring sickness to the workplace. We were laid off from that job though in the downsizing.
In that time, he started abusing online slot games, and the extra money we had that we had previously discussed was to be saved for either a newer vehicle or even maybe a home of our own down the road he used to get coins or boosts in his games. They were not the ones you could win actual money from so he was just purely wasting hundreds of dollars pretty much every week or every couple of weeks on these games. I also found he had been spending money online on sites such as OF and other smut websites and paying for NSFW stuff online. Also found he was cheating on me with one person on OF when I got a pinged message from his email chats on my laptop. I, of course, wanted to see what was happening and found everything he had been saying to this girl.
He was telling her around times we'd go visit my parents for the weekend that he was going out of town to his family but didn't say with whom. They would ask him how he was single and he would just say "Oh I don't know, just unlucky I guess" and things along these longs. I wasn't even given roommate status, He stated he lived alone. Had the 2 dogs, all the fish, was woah is me with it all. I confronted him about it and of course, he tried to deny everything, tried to say I was probably the one cheating, and was just trying to blame him, you know, totally normal sane reaction... not. We got into it pretty good, nothing physical, but we did not talk to each other for a bit, I had considered leaving to be with my best friend at that time, but ultimately we started talking and wanted to attempt to work things out. He of course promised not to do it again, he'd be better, all that good stuff so I decided to give him another chance. Of course, I realize that was a major mistake now, but you live and learn, unfortunately.
Things smoothed out for a bit and went back to being okay again. We had a chance to expand our animals so we took it, it was kind of an apology gift in all honesty. We gained 4 rabbits from my best friend in the late-ish summer of 2020. I met her for the first time in the at the time 8 years we had been talking (we met online) so that was great. I am coming to realize that gaining all the animals we did in our time together may have been a coping mechanism for me because I had something that was depending on me and loved on me so in some ways I realize I do have a lot of animals due to this, but I am also an animal lover and love all of my animals and they are very much spoiled rotten every day. They still bring me immense joy and are a highlight of my life even if they were gained with EH. We still had our other horse, a gelding, at this time yet as well and he had been moved to a new boarding facility that was close to where we had moved to. So things were great at this time. In 2021 in the summer I gained a leopard gecko, and in the fall I gained a Russian tortoise as well.
Backtracking a little to around the end of August 2020, I gained my current job and I was excited to start a new at-home job so I could work and not have to worry about going out and potentially getting deathly sick again. I do have RA so I do have a compromised immune system. He started back to work where we were working as they had started hiring people back, so I was happy to have a quiet background which was needed for my job. Well, that did not last long. 2 weeks after going back, he didn't go to work for a day or 2 and I asked him if he was going to work. He stated he was using his paid vacation time and had taken the next 2 weeks off because he "needed a break" from work because he was feeling burnt out even though he had only been back 2 weeks and wanted some time to do stuff around the house. I thought this was odd and he never asked if this was okay... I only found out when he stayed home instead of going to work as scheduled.
He did go back after those 2 weeks off but he only stayed about another month and it happened again that he did not go in for a day or 2 when he was supposed to be working so I asked him what was going on. He told me he had quit the job because it was burning him out and he did not enjoy the job anymore. I found this odd yet again because he did not express any of these feelings before doing so and never asked me. I was furious and asked him how he thought this was okay because in our budget I had made up for us (because he wouldn't) there was no way for us to survive on my income alone for long and we would likely have to destroy our savings to stay afloat. He stated he would look for another job right away, he just wanted some time to figure out what he wanted to do. How, when he had only just gone back to work after about 5 months off, I don't know, but it was what it was, I made it clear he had to find work.
At that time, around the beginning of 2021 or so, maybe more coming into spring, he started his online slot spending again, and I had found he never deleted his OF account and was talking to another girl that I didn't know about saying the same things he was before, except he was talking to this girl the ENTIRE TIME he was talking to the other one. I just didn't catch it cause he had deleted messages so I didn't see it apparently when I found the first one. So not only had he lied about going to delete the OF and other smut stuff, but he had actively continued to talk to another girl for the entire year and a half almost that he claimed he was working on us and our relationship.
Needless to say, I exploded internally and waited for him to come home after helping his gram with something. I had a plan. When he got home, I played it cool like any other day. Asked him how his gram was, what he did at her house, and all that, normal. Then, I calmly asked him who the OF girl was. The color of his face went pale. Or paler anyway. At first asked, who? And acted confused. I reiterated my question of who OF girl was, this time, seriously to let him know the jig is up. He stated he didn't know who I was talking about and didn't know anyone by that name. I pulled up his OF account on my computer and was like, oh really? then explain all of this, and scrolled through the months of messages with this girl.
He had the AUDACITY to continue denying it was him and said he probably got hacked. I found a picture of him fully in the nude in the full-length mirror in the bathroom that he had sent her and said, "Oh yeah? Then how do you explain this picture?" and continued to more of his parts he was sending to the girl and continued to ask and this to all them. He had nowhere to hide. I had also already downloaded copies of everything and sent them to my best friend (the one we got the rabbits from) so in case he wanted to delete everything and call me crazy, I had the proof that I was not and he did these things.
Eventually, he admitted to continuing talking to her even though he said he had stopped. His reasoning? Apparently, he didn't feel the same spark in our marriage or relationship that he had originally felt and felt like I was distancing myself from him and it just wasn't the same between us. He also stated that he felt as if his efforts to make our relationship work weren't being seen by me and he didn't feel appreciated in the relationship. I, of course, asked him what he meant because at that point I had been just trusting his word that he wouldn't do anything else and would stop. He hadn't done anything else. No romantic gestures, no help around the house, offering to grab food when we needed it, take care of me while I was sick, offer to take over any form of bills or anything financial that I was solely doing at that point because he didn't want the responsibility of and had stated beforehand he didn't want the responsibility of.. nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything was always on me, and I was the one burdening myself and driving myself crazy, even when I had another health scare thinking I had a DVT because I had sudden swelling in my left leg around my knee area and would get sudden bouts of breathlessness and was advised to take it easy and remove as much stress as possible for a bit in case I did have one to avoid a possible clot from going into my brain or lungs. Luckily, I did not have it, or any clots. I was under so much mental and physical stress that my body was reacting negatively.
This did not stop him from continuing my stresses at all. I also developed Vocal Cord Dysfunction when I had covid and stress makes it worse so on top of the sudden swelling and breathlessness, the stress was also activating the VCD and constantly making it feel like someone was choking me full force, which would trigger anxiety attacks because of course I felt like someone was choking me full force and like I couldn't breathe and wasn't breathing or at least wasn't breathing normally. It's an awful experience that I wouldn't wish even on my worst enemies.
Despite all the cheating, I never mentioned a word to my parents even up until that point, but they had a feeling something was going on because I was probably being a bit distant with them. I didn't want anyone to know at the time and thought I could fix things. Things only got worse. When he did finally get a job, not until mid-2021, so at that point he'd been out of work almost a year, he again picked up his gambling habits. What made things worse and started to spin more out of control was the pizza shop he had gotten a job at installed slot machines for their customers to play if they wished.
You can only guess what happened from there. While he was making decent money at the time, I saw hardly any of it because he would gamble most of his income at those slot machines. I would tell him what bills needed to go out of our joint account (I had a separate account for myself for my pay, but a portion went into the joint) from his pay, and he would say okay got it won't spend anything over that, won't play this week since we won't have a lot left over, etc etc etc... and magically pretty much all of the money would be gone and I would be forced to dip into our savings to save our bills from going out of date and overdue and gets fees we could not afford.
For context, the joint account was after I paid most of everything else out of my account before seeing what needed to go out of the joint account as well. Usually, the joint account would be needed to cover our rent to his gram, groceries, gas, vet appointments for the animals, medical or dental appointments for myself or him, and pretty much anything other than rent that was a necessity. I took care of the actual main bills out of my pay. As stated above, EH wanted nothing to do with the financial responsibility of ensuring all the bills such as our electricity, water, heat, phones, and internet were paid for on time because "I was better at keeping track of that stuff". I took that on because since I worked from home, I needed to make sure 100% I would have internet and electricity, or else I wouldn't have a job, and I couldn't lose my job over something so stupid as not paying my bills on time. I am not that irresponsible.
In about mid-fall 2021, he was at work and I had requested the day off to take our dogs, then 2 and 3, to the vet for their yearly check-ups and vaccinations so they were good for the coming year. He had just gotten paid the day before and I checked the joint account before I left the house with the dogs and saw that so far, he had not done anything with the money, so all was good and I proceeded to take the dogs to the vet. They did fine. It comes time to check out and pay for the vet visit and... the debit card for the joint account declines and says insufficient funds. Confused, I asked them to try it again before looking because I knew I saw that there was more than enough to cover their bill before I left. Nothing, same thing, it says it's declined due to insufficient funds.
I began to panic because, at this point, we had $0 in our savings because of his antics up until that point, and if I used my bank card, while it would go through, would put me into the negative until payday, which was not until the next week. I checked the joint account and low and behold, within the 2 or 3 hours I was gone, he somehow blew through almost $1,000 in withdrawals to gamble, pretty much his entire pay and I had less than $100 in that account. He had gambled his entire pay when he knew I was out to a vet appointment at that current moment. I paid with my bank card so I could leave, as at that vet clinic, you had to pay for the services before leaving or they would not let you leave, or not let you leave with your animals at the very least until the bill was paid in full. They had no bill me later options.
Needless to say, I was fuming the entire drive home and immediately messaged him about it when I got home and the dogs settled. He messaged me back right away with a BS excuse that he forgot that was what was happening that day even though right above those messages he could see I reminded him I was going to the vet, told him I was leaving for the vet, and was at the vet currently, all of which he replied to.
It of course ended up in an argument when he got home and after a long time arguing he stated he didn't understand what all the fuss was about since I had covered the bill just fine. He was using his pay the way he wanted and that's how it should be. He dared to say my pay went to what I wanted and it wasn't fair I was putting such a tight leash on him and his spending when I spent money on myself all the time, which is not true. I reminded him of this very quickly and showed him my bank account was in the negative because of today due to paying all of the necessary bills we needed, not because I was spending on myself and reminded him if I didn't pay the internet and electricity especially, I wouldn't be able to work which was not in the cards with how his spending was.
I forbade him from spending anything without my okay at this point and in a last-ditch effort, took away and cut up his bank cards and hid mine where he wouldn't find them. This did stop his spending because he didn't have a way to spend. I would only give him my bank card if he asked to get something we needed or he needed, and he was to give it back immediately after use or as soon as he could give it back if he took it to work to get something after work like smokes or something for the house. If any cash withdrawals went out, he wasn't allowed to take it again for a while. This continued into 2022 and it worked, I could relax a little as he was starting to earn trust. Say what you will, but it had to be done. At the end of 2021, 2 days before New Year 2022, we, unfortunately, lost our other horse to a long battle with sickness so we were down to just our dogs, the rabbits, reptiles, and 3 fish tanks because we decided to downgrade on the fish keeping. After all, water was getting expensive to maintain all 7 we had.
The loss of our gelding, unfortunately, turned out to be a good thing, as after we had him euthanized and I had allowed EH to have a bank card of his own again because he had been doing very well, it wasn't long before he was back to his old habits of draining his pays. Only, without the about $400 a month board for our gelding going out anymore, it was much worse. There would have been no way we would have been able to afford to keep him after that. It got to the point I again, took his card away, but then he started finding where I was hiding both of my cards and would drain not only the joint account but also my account. This led to us getting behind in rent especially, on some of my credit card payments which had by that time gotten completely maxed out, and on payments to loans I had taken out to try to get us back on track. Not good.
This continued to no avail throughout 2022. I had many conversations with friends trying to see if there was anything I could do. I was at my wits end with all the constant fighting over finances, continued accusations of cheating, making me feel like I was worthless and not doing enough to try to get him to see reason, wondering why I was not good enough for him to want to change and get his act together, mental and emotional abuse, manipulative actions, almost anything you can think of. I wanted it to stop and I was getting tired of trying. My mental and emotional health declined greatly. My friends of course wanted to support me in whatever I wanted to try to do, but they also didn't like seeing me decline as much as I was.
I had a mental breakdown one night and basically did a 2005 Brittany Spears to my hair. I didn't shave everything off, however, a good 90% of my hair was shaved off and what I did have left was very much chopped and looked horrible. I did get most of it fixed, but needed help with the back, so I asked him to try to fix it up so it didn't look so chopped off. I was already not the best mentally and my anxiety was through the roof. I had simply asked him to just be careful and not accidentally cut or nick me. Pretty simple. As I was anxious, I asked him a few times, and was a bit flinchy when he was close to me. He took this the wrong way and threw the scissors down and started screaming at me that if I wasn't going to calm down and hold still I could do it myself and blew past me out the bathroom door. The door almost hit me when he swung it open and I just completely lost it. I sobbed and was in such a bad state of mind that I ended up scratching my arms to the point I made them bleed and covered with scratches. He didn't care or do anything about it, he had gone outside and taken the car and drove up leaving me there alone. I bandaged up my arms. They stung for weeks and I still have a few light scars. Not a very proud moment, but one that drew me closer to knowing I had to leave. The stress I was under was too much.
My now current boyfriend, whom we'll call BF, (32 M) came into the mix towards the end of summer 2022, introduced to me by my best friend after she found him gaming in Fallout, mixed in with my friends, and took their stance as well that if I wanted to try to make things work, he would try to be as supportive as possible. Over time though, he and my friends slowly cracked and smashed through my rose-tinted glasses to help me see that what was happening was not my fault, and was not an okay situation to be in. My best friend then distanced herself thinking I was choosing BF over her after we started talking more and we were hanging out more playing games together. She decided to end our 11-year friendship amid things even though she knew I needed her and we were not replacing her with each other, we just happened to be growing closer. We attempted to include her in things but she chose to leave and distance herself, stating to me later she regretted ever introducing us.
My BF and other friends became my main support systems, and I decided enough was enough and it was time to let go. I had fallen out of love with my EH for some time but didn't want to admit to it. The marriage was over. I told EH I wanted a divorce but he did not believe me. He said I was being crazy for thinking we should end things, but I knew I was not.
While he was at work one night toward the end of October 2022, I went online and found a service that would assist me in getting the papers we needed to start the divorce process and bought them on the joint account so he could see I was serious.
When he came home, I was on the computer with my friends on Discord, playing a game together. He came in screaming with an anger I had never heard before... He had screamed at me before, but this was different. He was screaming at me to get out of the house, that I needed to get out now, he didn't want to see me in the morning, he didn't care if he wasn't allowed to do that cause he was doing it anyway, he was so angry and my friends and BF heard him through my headset. One of my friends told him to shut up and calm down and EF snapped and screamed at them to shut up and stay out of it.
He then came straight for me and slammed my laptop shut so hard I was afraid he broke it, ripped my headset off my head, and threw me from my chair, continuing to scream at the top of his lungs that he wanted me out right then and there if I wanted to me that way. It all happened so fast, I couldn't stop shaking and looking at him, not expecting this. He had never put his hands on me before. Ripping the headset off my head nearly caught on my industrial earring, which would have been horrible if it caught and ripped out. Luckily it didn't.
Once I got past the initial shock, I stood up and lit into him that he couldn't just kick me out because he was mad I was finally done with him and the relationship, and the audacity he had to lay his hands on me. I needed time to get a place to live because of my work. I needed to get my options figured out, get the animals we had sorted out if I could keep them all or not, everything. I needed to make sure I was sorted out and he would have to deal with the fact that I had to do these things before I could get out of the house.
His anger turned into tears and he began crying and pleading with me not to go and crying he'd do better and be a better person and all the things he promised beforehand. He couldn't believe what he saw when he saw the request for divorce papers, he was sorry for putting his hands on me, the works. It did not work. I assured him I was going and needed to get things sorted out.
The next day I called my parents and told them what had happened and that I needed a place to stay or at least help looking for a place to stay. My parents and brother agreed that they would take me in as they owned and lived in a house, and I could live in the basement of the house so I had a room to myself and had room for my animals as well. I did have to rehome 2 of the 4 rabbits, however, they went to a loving home with a cousin of my brother's girlfriend who was experienced with rabbits and currently had some that 2 could intermingle with. So that worked in my favor.
I didn't think I would have room for both dogs and rabbits remaining, so EH decided he wanted to keep 1 dog and 1 rabbit. He wanted our first dog (the one gotten for my 22nd birthday) and the original rabbit he chose from my now former best friend. I agreed and kept our 2nd dog and the original rabbit I chose from my former best friend. I also was keeping the leopard gecko, tortoise, and fish. However, my parents agreed that if in the future EH ever decided to get rid of or no longer wanted our first dog and the other rabbit, they would allow them to come as well (important in a bit).
I made the move to my parent's house in mid-November 2022 and started the process for divorce. While I was getting the first papers ready to go and sent to EH to start the process, EH would continuously text me and harass me even when I asked him to stop messaging me. He would continuously say he wanted me to stay with him, he would change, ask how I could do this to us as by that time we have been married 6 years and together for 8. Trying to manipulate me into coming back with promises of change.
My response was to send him the first official papers to start the divorce process. In my state, once you initiate the process and request for legal divorce, and the request is approved, you have to wait 90 days before you can then submit the final paperwork to request to make the divorce official because the relationship is not going to work, both parties want the divorce, etc.
I had to send the papers a second time because they were not done properly the first time, but the second try was approved so the 90-day waiting time to submit the final papers began.
He continued to harass and message me multiple times throughout the first month, and then his harassment to try to get me to stay turned into distasteful language and cursing me out, saying he didn't need me he already moved on and had someone else so didn't need me anymore. All ploys were more than likely to see if I would suddenly want him. I did not react other than to say good because I had also already moved on and was with someone, my BF, so I was looking forward to being rid of him so I could be with my BF in peace and not have to worry about him anymore.
At that, he stopped messaging me finally, and I moved all correspondence to email instead of text and messenger for more formal communications only when I had updates regarding our pending divorce.
In about April 2023, I had a bad feeling about the well-being of my first dog and other rabbit so in an update email to let him know we had reached the 90th day so the next day I could start getting the finalization paperwork in, I asked him how both were doing and if I may have a picture of them just to ease my mind that they were doing okay and was maybe just nerves about losing them for good.
He met this simple request with utter anger and venom, stating he didn't have to tell me how they were doing and wasn't going to send any pictures. I was being crazy, they were fine so I shouldn't be asking or worrying about anything. This set alarm bells off in my mind because it was just a simple request to see how they were doing, and so far, legally, still, partly my animals until the divorce was final. I advised him of this and this time demanded proof that both the dog and rabbit were doing well or I would be calling animal welfare as a precaution to ensure their well-being and would want them back ASAP if not met, as I wanted them back if he was not taking care of them.
He again refused stating he didn't have to prove anything and that if I asked again, he'd report me for harassment and false accusations of animal abuse. Not wanting any legal trouble with a pending divorce, I dropped it and didn't ask again.
However, 2 weeks later I got a nasty email saying if I wanted my other dog and rabbit back so badly I could have them, as the dog had been whining so much it was annoying him and he didn't want to deal with it anymore. His sister was getting married in 2 weeks, so I asked if he wanted to have them out before or after the wedding since I was attending the wedding along with my brother and his girlfriend and would be in the area, but could get them earlier if needed. He opted for the week before the wedding because he wanted her especially gone. I asked about the rabbit and he said he changed his mind and wanted to keep the rabbit, but if I wanted her too, I could take her as well. I kindly advised the rabbit would be coming back with me as well as I did not want her alone with him anymore. I told my parents what was up and they agreed they could come home much to my relief.
That weekend in May 2023, my brother and I went to EH's house to pick up my dog and rabbit. The moment I saw them, I was so heartbroken and angry. The rabbit was in a tiny hutch meant just to hold them while we cleaned their big enclosure that obviously had not been cleaned or taken care of in some time and dirty murky brown water to drink. It was obvious she had been couped up there for some time, as her enclosure wall panels were broken down and on the porch. My dog was completely emaciated and in horrible condition. Her nails were overgrown, and she was skin and bones. You could see her ribs, spine, and hip bones, and her face was sunken in. Neglected and not taken care of or fed in some time.
I was so angry I grabbed them and put them in the vehicle and let my brother take care of EH. He talked to him for a bit as I called my parents crying telling them what kind of state my animals were in. They were furious. When we got home, they had the dog I kept outside so he could see his sister come home and they wanted to film their reunion and also show what EH did to her. My mother broke into tears when I carefully got my dog out of the car. She was so excited to see my parents again and her brother. And he was so excited to finally see her again. He had been so depressed without her as he grew up with her of course. It was a beautiful reunion but so depressing and sad because of how deplorable of a condition she was in.
My rabbits immediately went to each other when I put the other into the enclosure with the one I kept. They knew who each other were as well and they started grooming each other and cuddling together like they used to like nothing happened. Both my dogs and my rabbits are inseparable now. They can't stand to be away from each other.
The divorce was finalized in June 2023 and I made sure I had no forms of contact with EH again, blocking him on everything.
I can say I have found a wonderful man in my BF and he has helped me so much and been with me through all of this, we couldn't be happier to be able to be together without people asking how we're together if I'm married to someone else even though I was getting a divorce and no longer with EH. Mainly very religious family members who made a fuss about it, but still was a bit ridiculous.
If you reached the end of this and read every bit, if you have any questions feel free to comment below. An update in a separate post will be coming within the next day or so about what's going on with the woman who is currently with the ex-husband.
This was my story in this, context you may or may not want as not everyone's stories gets told. I am telling mine now as everyone in these situations should.