Poem with ed endings

Car accident while pregnant (needed advice) Hi everyone I am 35 weeks pregnant. Two days ago, I was in a car accident while driving on the freeway with my 3 year old. I was driving traffic limit in my lane then suddenly a big rig decided to merge into my lane. I breaked hard to slow down and about 10-15 seconds later a car rear ends me, popped my back tire and car is stuck in sos mode. He gets out of his car and pushes it to the side then comes to me to tell me to bring my 3 year old to the side while I was stuck in the car because of my seat belt (thank god that saved me). Another car stops to help me and tells me not to get out until paramedics arrive. Ambulance takes me to the hospital and initially I supposed to be on watch for 6 hours then they decided to do 24 hours with baby monitor on because of the accident. At that time I only had whiplash on my neck like it was burning. They told me I can take tylenol for any pain but at that time I guess my body was still in shock I didnt feel pain. After discharge, Im having back pain. (Yes, i went to the ED most they can do is give tylenol, no xray because of pregnancy) Anyone have any advice or been in similar situation? Fyi: im not looking for any medical advice . Ive talked to the nurse afterwards and they said they already cleared the baby. There is a police report made on scene, im waiting for that. Is there any other steps I can take to ensure I get full compensation

(The post is slightly altered because the original text was more personal and directed at my friend)
All of this is stuff you’ve already heard before so this is just my personal looks at the album, its meaning, and why it’s probably the best rap album we’ll ever see.
If you have listened to TPAB all the way through then you remember that in the final track, Mortal Man, it’s Kendrick and someone else talking. I put this together and it’s just the conversation they have so you can easily read it and see who is talking when.
This is how I interpret albums meaning: TPAB is about the issues that African Americans will face due to the neglect of the U.S. government. The idea of the butterfly is a person who has become famous, or has power. That’s why in tracks like Wesley’s Theory, the opening track, the person talking says, “When the four corners of this cocoon collide You'll slip through the cracks hopin' that you'll survive Gather your weight, take a deep look inside Are you really who they idolize? To pimp a butterfly.” A butterfly is a transformed caterpillar, so in TPAB the idea of a caterpillar is someone who the government, or really anyone for that matter, doesn’t care about. Once they become famous (transform) and have power, they are treated better or like a butterfly.
Also, fun fact about TPAB that you prob already know. The original title was going to be “To Pimp a Caterpillar.” This was because it would then abbreviate to “2PAC” instead of TPAB.
Now for the conversation:
Kendrick: “I remember you was conflicted, misusing your influence. Sometimes I did the same, abusing my power full of resentment. Found myself screaming in a hotel room. I didn’t wanna self destruct. The evils of Lucy was all around me, so I went running for answers. Until I came home, but that didn’t stop survivors guilt. Going back and forth, trying to convince myself the stripes I earned, or maybe how A-1 my foundation was. But while my loved ones were fighting a continuous war back in the dirty, I was entering a new one. A war that was based on apartheid and discrimination. Made me wanna go back to the city and tell the homies what I learned, the word was respect. Just because you wore a different gang color than mine's doesn't mean I can't respect you as a black man. Forgetting all the pain and hurt we caused each other in these streets. If I respect you, we unify and stop the enemy from killing us, but I don't know, I'm no mortal man, maybe I'm just another n*. Shit and that's all I wrote. I was gonna call it Another N** but, it ain't really a poem, I just felt like it's something you probably could relate to. Other than that, now that I finally got a chance to holla at you. I always wanted to ask you about a certain situa--, about a metaphor actually, you spoke on the ground. What you mean 'bout that, what the ground represent?”
Friend: “The ground is gonna open up and swallow the evil…”
Kendrick - “Right…”
Friend: “That's how I see it, my word is bond. I see--and the ground is the symbol for the poor people, the poor people is gonna open up this whole world and swallow up the rich people. Cause the rich people gonna be so fat, they gonna be so appetising, you know what I'm saying, wealthy, appetizing. he poor gonna be so poor and hungry, you know what I'm saying it's gonna be like... there might be some cannibalism out this mutha, they might eat the rich.”
Kendrick: “Aight so let me ask you this then, do you see yourself as somebody that's rich or somebody that made the best of their own opportunities?”
Friend: “I see myself as a natural born hustler, a true hustler in every sense of the word. I took nothin', I took the opportunities, I worked at the most menial and degrading job and built myself up so I could get it to where I owned it. I went from having somebody manage me to me hiring the person that works my management company. I changed everything I realized my destiny in a matter of five years you know what I'm saying I made myself a millionaire. I made millions for a lot of people now it's time to make millions for myself, you know what I'm saying. I made millions for the record companies, I made millions for these movie companies, now I make millions for us.”
Kendrick: “And through your different avenues of success, how would you say you managed to keep a level of sanity?”
Friend: “and by my faith in "all good things come to those that stay true. You know what I'm saying, and it was happening to me for a reason, you know what I'm saying, I was noticing, shit, I was punching the right buttons and it was happening. So it's no problem, you know I mean it's a problem but I'm not finna let them know. I'm finna go straight through.”
Kendrick: “Would you consider yourself a fighter at heart or somebody that only reacts when they back is against the wall?”
Friend: “Shit, I like to think that at every opportunity I've ever been threatened with resistance, it's been met with resistance. And not only me but it goes down my family tree. You know what I'm saying, it's in my veins to fight back.”
Kendrick: “Aight well, how long you think it take before n***** be like, we fighting a war, I'm fighting a war I can't win and I wanna lay it all down.”
Friend: “In this country a black man only have like 5 years we can exhibit maximum strength, and that's right now while you a teenager, while you still strong or while you still wanna lift weights, while you still wanna shoot back. Cause once you turn 30 it's like they take the heart and soul out of a man, out of a black man in this country. And you don't wanna fight no more. And if you don't believe me you can look around, you don't see no loud mouth 30-year old muthafuckas.”
Kendrick: “That's crazy, because me being one of your offspring of the legacy you left behind I can truly tell you that there's nothing but turmoil goin' on so I wanted to ask you what you think is the future for me and my generation today?”
Friend: “I think that n***** is tired of grabbin' shit out the stores and next time it's a riot there's gonna be, like, uh, bloodshed for real. I don't think America know that. I think American think we was just playing and it's gonna be some more playing but it ain't gonna be no playing. It's gonna be murder, you know what I'm saying, it's gonna be like Nat Turner, 1831, up in this muthafucka. You know what I'm saying, it's gonna happen.”
Kendrick: “That's crazy man. In my opinion, only hope that we kinda have left is music and vibrations, lotta people don't understand how important it is. Sometimes I be like, get behind a mic and I don't know what type of energy I'mma push out, or where it comes from. Trip me out sometimes.”
Friend: “Because the spirits, we ain't even really rappin', we just letting our dead homies tell stories for us.”
Kendrick: I wanted to read one last thing to you. It's actually something a good friend had wrote describing my world. It says: "The caterpillar is a prisoner to the streets that conceived it. Its only job is to eat or consume everything around it, in order to protect itself from this mad city. While consuming its environment the caterpillar begins to notice ways to survive. One thing it noticed is how much the world shuns him, but praises the butterfly. The butterfly represents the talent, the thoughtfulness, and the beauty within the caterpillar. But having a harsh outlook on life the caterpillar sees the butterfly as weak and figures out a way to pimp it to his own benefits. Already surrounded by this mad city the caterpillar goes to work on the cocoon which institutionalizes him. He can no longer see past his own thoughts. He's trapped. When trapped inside these walls certain ideas take roots, such as going home, and bringing back new concepts to this mad city The result? Wings begin to emerge, breaking the cycle of feeling stagnant. Finally free, the butterfly sheds light on situations that the caterpillar never considered, ending the internal struggle. Although the butterfly and caterpillar are completely different, they are one and the same. What's your perspective on that? Pac? Pac? Pac?!”

Hi everyone
I am 35 weeks pregnant. Two days ago, I was in a car accident while driving on the freeway with my 3 year old. I was driving traffic limit in my lane then suddenly a big rig decided to merge into my lane. I breaked hard to slow down and about 10-15 seconds later a car rear ends me, popped my back tire and car is stuck in sos mode. He gets out of his car and pushes it to the side then comes to me to tell me to bring my 3 year old to the side while I was stuck in the car because of my seat belt (thank god that saved me). Another car stops to help me and tells me not to get out until paramedics arrive. Ambulance takes me to the hospital and initially I supposed to be on watch for 6 hours then they decided to do 24 hours with baby monitor on because of the accident. At that time I only had whiplash on my neck like it was burning. They told me I can take tylenol for any pain but at that time I guess my body was still in shock I didnt feel pain. After discharge, Im having back pain. (Yes, i went to the ED most they can do is give tylenol, no xray because of pregnancy) Anyone have any advice or been in similar situation?
Fyi: im not looking for any medical advice to be “cleared” , just anyone that has been in similar situation or wants to give free legal advice lol

Finished a few things I was working on and have two Solid State Drives I didn't end up using.
First is a Western Digital SN850X. Drive was used in a Windows system I didn't end up keeping for my home office use. 99.75% life left (6/2400 TBW per CrystalDisk Info). $230 shipped.
The second is a Crucial MX500 2TB 2.5" SATA III SSD. Purchased here a few months back but never put it into use. Tested working but haven't pulled drive info on it, but can do so if desired. $100 shipped.
Last is an HP EliteDesk 705 G4 micro PC. I bought a Beelink SER5 so this one is no longer used. Specs: Ryzen 5 Pro 2400GE. Windows 10 Pro on a LiteOn 128GB m.2 nVME drive. 16GB Ram (2x8gb). Comes with OEM charger block. $125 + shipping. I also have a 2TB 2.5"
Seagate Firecuda hybrid HDD/SSD I had installed in this as well, and can include it for an extra $30.
Comment before PM. No Chat. Local is 80831.

It's been a long journey since E-Day in Jan of 2023. Did the whole process with a local General dentist who just was not understanding that I didn't want Mr. Ed upper teeth. We ended up terminating our doctor patient relationship after he yelled at me which led me to leaving in tears. Never did temps to save money.
So I've had to start completely over with Advanced Dentisty. I apparently have really bumpy boney gums and its made for a challenge in getting the uppers curved out and set in place on the front of my gum line. I've lost count of how many adjustments I've had, and each time is an hour drive to and from the office.
All that to say I'm just so tired of it all. I can NOT get used to how huge the uppers are in my I guess big tongued small mouth. I feel like I have zero room for my tongue to move around, and it spends the day pressed up against the upper palate. Speaking is a freaking nightmare.
I'm seeing that a lot of folks suggest rounding out the upper palate to help with bulk and gagging, but it greatly affects the suction of the piece. My question is, if I'm already using adhesive (they've had to dremmel so much off from my bumpy gums that they're quite loose now w/o it) could I just double down on the glue and trade a bit of durability/suction, for a more comfortable fit?
I feel like if this is how life will be with these damn things, then I'd rather be toothless. Idk if this is normal or I'm just over it all, or if I'm being too extra
Any advice? Thanks ❤️ 😊

My brother-in-law is cheating on his wife and has multiple times. She let it slip while upset, and before she even asked, I told her I wouldn’t say anything. Now I feel like I’m hiding something from my husband (this is his brother) and am wrestling with what to do.
I knew there were issues in the marriage with lots of fighting and that my BIL hit her hand once and has spanked their kids against her wishes. He threatens suicide regularly. But on top of that, he’s been cheating on her throughout the marriage (and apparently started during her first pregnancy) and is now apparently keeping her from visiting her family without him. She’s afraid of getting a divorce and that he would be punitive in the process. She doesn’t want to end up away from her kids 50% or more of the time. She says she won’t leave unless he became physically abusive, or at least she feels that way now.
I am just really not sure what to do. On the one hand, it feels somehow a betrayal for me to know this and my husband not to understand what’s going on in his own family. But I told my SIL I wouldn’t say anything.
I guess I just need to let them deal with things, but I’m a little overwhelmed by the misery in which she lives. Also no way the kids can grow up in this kind of environment and not end up a little f***ed up because of it. There’s certainly mental abuse going on as he uses the infidelity as a weapon, according to her. To get back at her when she doesn’t toe the line or is “difficult.” Being kept from her family because he doesn’t want her with them if he’s not there — so controlling. I’m also shocked by how much a piece of shit he is, because while he’s not my favorite person in the world, you would never know any of this is going on.
Anyhow, I was just hoping to get advice or if I need to think of anything else. TYIA.

TW: Numbers (calories and weight)
TLDR: I lost weight but still am fat and the other girls at my school are skinny and can eat junk without gaining an ounce.
During around June of 2023 my ED started to get worse and I ended up losing 10 pounds over the summer but since then I've been on a plateau. I started at a healthy weight (and still am) but I feel like I still look like a whale.
Some girls at my school make me so frustrated with myself too because they are so much skinnier than me (this is not the dysmorphia talking too) and eat way more calories than me (I see them snack on large servings of chips and chocolate during class) and are relatively the same height as me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong at this point because I'm eating less than 1200 calories a day.
I just want to look like a skeleton at this point. Ughhh.

I'm a 27F in a new relationship (almost 6 months) with a 37M, and I'm struggling to cope with my partner's erectile dysfunction. His last relationship was 2 years ago and when asked about sex when we were getting to know each other, he said he likes to “fuck like rabbits”. Fast-forward, We've discussed it his ED (having not ever “fucked like rabbits”), and he says he will take steps to address his health, but his actions haven't matched his words. I know the problem isn't me, despite my negative thoughts, but sex is very important to me. He's lovely in many ways. I truly could fall in love with him, but this issue might end our relationship. I feel terrible and shallow for considering ending things over sex, but I don't think I can continue like this. He deserves someone who isn't as affected by this issue, but unfortunately, I am. Do I need to cope with this issue and continue to wait, or should I let him go if it’s affecting me so heavily this early on?
TL;DR: My new relationship might end because my boyfriend's ED is leaving my sexual needs unmet and I don’t know what to do.

I'm a 27F in a new relationship (almost 6 months) with a 37M, and I'm struggling to cope with my partner's erectile dysfunction. His last relationship was 2 years ago and when asked about sex when we were getting to know each other, he said he likes to “fuck like rabbits”. Fast-forward, We've discussed his ED (having not ever “fucked like rabbits”), and he says he will take steps to address his health, but his actions haven't matched his words. I know the problem isn't me, despite my negative thoughts, but sex is very important to me. He's lovely in many ways. I truly could fall in love with him, but this issue might end our relationship. I feel terrible and shallow for considering ending things over sex, but I don't think I can continue like this. He deserves someone who isn't as affected by this issue, but unfortunately, I am. Do I need to cope with this issue and continue to wait, or should I let him go if it’s affecting me so heavily this early on?
TL;DR: My new relationship might end because my boyfriend's ED is leaving my sexual needs unmet.

Ricky & Cesar, welcome to the Amazing Race Pantheon of Dominant Teams!
For explanations of what the stats mean, see here.
Note: Leg 6 was a Megaleg. For stats purposes, it is counted as two separate legs, with the first leg being the leg up to the end of the first Roadblock.
Individual Placements

Team	Leg 1 (KOR)	Leg 2	Leg 3	Leg 4	Leg 5	Leg 6A	Leg 6B	Leg 7	Leg 8	Leg 9	Leg 10	Leg 11
(M/M) Ricky & Cesar	2nd	2nd	1st	1st	1st	2nd	2nd	1st	1st	1st	3rd	1st
(M/M) Juan & Shane	4th	4th	4th	5th	2nd	1st	1st	6th	2nd	3rd	2nd	2nd
(M/F) Rod & Leticia	1st	1st	5th	4th	5th	5th	3rd	3rd	5th	2nd	1st	3rd
(M/F) Amber & Vinny	12th	7th	2nd	2nd	3rd	3rd	4th	4th	3rd	4th	4th
(F/F) Yvonne & Melissa	6th	5th	6th	7th	6th	6th	6th	5th	4th	5th
(M/F) Angie & Danny	7th	6th	9th	3rd	4th	4th	5th	2nd	6th
(F/F) Sunny & Bizzy	9th	9th	7th	8th	7th	7th	7th	7th
(M/F) Derek & Shelisa	3rd	3rd	3rd	6th	8th	8th	8th
(F/F) Kishori & Karishma	10th	10th	8th	9th	9th
(M/F) Michelle & Sean	5th	11th	10th	10th
(M/M) Anthony & Bailey	8th	8th	11th
(M/F) Chris & Mary	11th	12th
(M/F) Maya & Rohan	13th

Group Average Placements
The number in parentheses is the number of teams in that group that competed in that leg.

Group	Leg 1	Leg 2	Leg 3	Leg 4	Leg 5	Leg 6A	Leg 6B	Leg 7	Leg 8	Leg 9	Leg 10	Leg 11
All-Male (M/M) Teams	4.67 (3)	4.67 (3)	5.33 (3)	3.00 (2)	1.50 (2)	1.50 (2)	1.50 (2)	3.50 (2)	1.50 (2)	2.00 (2)	2.50 (2)	1.50 (2)
Co-Ed (M/F) Teams	7.43 (7)	6.67 (6)	5.80 (5)	5.00 (5)	5.00 (4)	5.00 (4)	5.00 (4)	3.00 (3)	4.67 (3)	3.00 (2)	2.50 (2)	3.00 (1)
All-Female (F/F) Teams	8.33 (3)	8.00 (3)	7.00 (3)	8.00 (3)	7.33 (3)	6.50 (2)	6.50 (2)	6.00 (2)	4.00 (1)	5.00 (1)	(0)	(0)

Individual Stats
Ranks are listed in the format (season rank, U.S. rank, world rank). U.S. ranks are out of 404 teams, and world ranks are out of 1,004 teams.

Team	Leg Wins	Racing Average	APAM	Average Dominance	Total Dominance
Ricky & Cesar	7 (58%)	1.50 (1st, 1st, 2nd)	+78.57% (1st, 1st, 1st)	90.61% (1st, 1st, 1st)	92.86% (1st, 1st, 1st)
Rod & Leticia	3 (25%)	3.00 (2nd, 54th, 141st)	+57.14% (2nd, 29th, 78th)	68.68% (2nd, 41st, 106th)	71.43% (2nd, 41st, 102nd)
Juan & Shane	2 (17%)	3.17 (3rd, 70th, 183rd)	+54.76% (3rd, 39th, 102nd)	62.72% (3rd, 72nd, 182nd)	69.05% (3rd, 50th, 129th)
Amber & Vinny	0 (0%)	4.36 (4th, 162nd, 423rd)	+37.66% (4th, 123rd, 295th)	51.93% (4th, 142nd, 354th)	54.88% (4th, 136th, 338th)
Yvonne & Melissa	0 (0%)	5.60 (7th, 245th, 617th)	+20.00% (7th, 195th, 494th)	37.33% (7th, 247th, 599th)	41.77% (7th, 231st, 562nd)
Angie & Danny	0 (0%)	5.11 (5th, 206th, 546th)	+26.98% (5th, 167th, 415th)	49.80% (5th, 155th, 393rd)	50.67% (5th, 163rd, 410th)
Sunny & Bizzy	0 (0%)	7.63 (8th, 315th, 805th)	–8.93% (8th, 296th, 727th)	22.05% (9th, 324th, 808th)	24.29% (9th, 322nd, 795th)
Derek & Shelisa	0 (0%)	5.57 (6th, 242nd, 614th)	+20.41% (6th, 193rd, 491st)	43.16% (6th, 209th, 514th)	50.00% (6th, 164th, 412th)
Kishori & Karishma	0 (0%)	9.20 (11th, 352nd, 894th)	–31.43% (11th, 329th, 831st)	16.86% (11th, 342nd, 847th)	18.00% (11th, 343rd, 848th)
Michelle & Sean	0 (0%)	9.00 (9th, 342nd, 865th)	–28.57% (9th, 323rd, 823rd)	21.44% (10th, 327th, 816th)	23.81% (10th, 326th, 804th)
Anthony & Bailey	0 (0%)	9.00 (9th, 342nd, 865th)	–28.57% (9th, 323rd, 823rd)	26.01% (8th, 306th, 762nd)	27.27% (8th, 304th, 763rd)
Chris & Mary	0 (0%)	11.50 (12th, 396th, 989th)	–64.29% (12th, 364th, 915th)	8.33% (12th, 364th, 905th)	8.70% (12th, 364th, 904th)
Maya & Rohan	0 (0%)	13.00 (13th, 403rd, 1,003rd)	–85.71% (13th, 403rd, 1,003rd)	0.00% (13th, 372nd, 930th)	0.00% (13th, 372nd, 930th)

Pseudo-Elo Ratings
U.S. ranks are out of 368 teams, and world ranks are out of 954 teams.
Note: Rank changes listed here are the combined rank changes across legs 10 and 11.

1. Ricky & Cesar, +2286 (down 49) (U.S. #1, world #1)
2. Juan & Shane, +1320 (up 66) (U.S. #14, world #39)
3. Rod & Leticia, +1036 (up 96) (U.S. #29, world #83)
4. Amber & Vinny, +626 (down 113) (U.S. #79, world #197)
5. Angie & Danny, +316 (U.S. #110, world #295)
6. Yvonne & Melissa, –227 (U.S. #201, world #519)
7. Derek & Shelisa, –254 (U.S. #206, world #533)
8. Maya & Rohan, –600 (U.S. #299, world #763)
9. Anthony & Bailey, –655 (U.S. #314, world #802)
10. Chris & Mary, –858 (U.S. #348, world #897)
11. Michelle & Sean, –924 (U.S. #354, world #915)
12. Sunny & Bizzy, –974 (U.S. #361, world #925)
13. Kishori & Karishma, –1093 (U.S. #366, world #938)

Group Stats
Group stats are totals for leg wins and averages for all other stats.

Group	Leg Wins	Racing Average	APAM	Average Dominance	Total Dominance	Pseudo-Elo Rating
All-Male (M/M) Teams	9 (75%)	4.50	+35.71%	61.77%	63.85%	+984
Co-Ed (M/F) Teams	3 (25%)	7.39	–5.54%	33.91%	36.73%	–94
All-Female (F/F) Teams	0 (0%)	7.48	–6.79%	25.41%	28.02%	–765

Trivia

• This is the second U.S. season in a row, and the fifth U.S. season overall, to have all-male teams finish 1st and 2nd. (The previous three such seasons were TAR9, TAR16, and TAR21.)
• Ricky & Cesar are the 12th all-male winners in U.S. history and the 38th all-male winners in franchise history.
  • The U.S. winner counts are now: 12 all-male, 21 co-ed, 3 all-female.
  • The franchise winner counts are now: 38 all-male, 40 co-ed, 16 all-female.
• Ricky & Cesar may not have gotten the franchise racing average record or gotten the most leg wins, but they have broken the franchise records in all the other stats I track in the above tables.
  • Furthermore, they might not have finished with all top-2 finishes, but they are the first team in U.S. history and the 4th team in franchise history (not counting Jin Zhongguo & Li Guangzhu, who only competed in one leg) to finish with all top-2 finishes except for a single 3rd place, after Marc & Rovilson, Li Xiaopeng & Li Anqi, and Tiến Đạt & Thúc Lĩnh Lincoln.
• Ricky & Cesar are the first team in franchise history to finish with a racing average of 1.50.
  • They have the best racing average of any team that won the race, beating the previous record of 1.63 by Tiến Đạt & Thúc Lĩnh Lincoln (and the previous U.S. record of 1.83 by Rachel & Dave).
• Juan & Shane are the 5th team in U.S. history and the 17th team in franchise history to finish with a racing average of 3.00.
  • They are the second team in franchise history to finish 2nd while doing this, after Angel & Frankie (who were the last team to do this).
• Rod & Leticia are the 9th team in U.S. history and the 13th team in franchise history to finish with a racing average of 3.17.
  • The last two teams to do this (Rob & Corey and Janne & Robin) both also finished 3rd.
• Do you have any other trivia? Leave it in the comments!

hi!
I have 3a-ish hair, runs dry, mid to high porosity (I think). shoulder length shag + bangs, jet black.
I have a lot of issues with dry hair and breakage (breakage may be ED related, if that makes a diff). that being said I've always had those dry hair and breakage issues so not solely that.
right now I use botanical hearth peppermint oil shampoo/conditioner, co-wash every night and shampoo once a week.
argan oil every night, every couple of days verb curl cream, every now and then not your mothers curl talk gel. going to start using mielle pomegranate honey leave in.
wear a silk bonnet + silk pillowcase but still end up with flat, dry curls the next morning and need to refresh with water and they usually look great.
mainly want to know if theres a better shampoo/conditioner to use, as well as other products to rec! thanks so much <3

I broke up with my on again off again boyfriend since middle school nearly three years ago. He and I were best friends/dating for 12+ years. We were each others first kiss in 6th grade, and we loved each other all the way up until our senior year of college. We used write each other poems, he’d get me build a bears with his voice in it, we’d write each other notes in the sand in the beach, he bought me Louis Vuitton and Gucci when we were in college, and so much other little things that don’t really matter, but still mean a lot to me to this day. Until the last year or so, our relationship was literally like a movie. I could talk about it for hours. I miss those days. I think of them fondly.
I won’t go into major details about our break up, but just know it was one of those breakups where you feel forced to break up with them because they completely changed/started to treat you different. Let’s pretend his name is Tommy. I didn’t want to break up with Tommy. I ADORED Tommy. Like, literally would sometimes cry while thinking of him because of how much love and care I had in my heart for him. We had been in a long distance relationship, close distance, everything in between. His family loved me, and mine loved him. My family toook him to Key West, Disney World, the beach, and so much more. Tommy was like my parents son. When we broke up, I completely lost myself. I would give up my body to guys just so they could spend the night so I could have somebody to sleep beside. Writing this is bringing me close to tears, because I truly regret doing that. I obviously was lost, until I meet this great guy who I dated for about a year. I ended up breaking up with him too because I resented him for making me unfollow Tommy and his family on social media, talking badly about him, etc.
About 6 months after I broke up with Tommy, I found out he had been telling people I “emotionally cheated on him” which is not true whatsoever. He made me look like the “bad guy” (probably because he was hurt) and all of our mutual friends from childhood, boys and girls, no longer speak to me. Meanwhile, I had only been speaking highly of him and wanted to still be friends, I even considered our break up a “break” at this point. So, naturally, to hear such a blatant and nasty lie was very hurtful. To think he was telling others I cheated on him when all I wanted to do was love him unconditionally was not a good feeling. I shrugged this off ike I didnt care, but I do. Now, I believe the lie and believe maybe I am the bad guy for breaking up with him. Also during this time, I found out Tommy was diagnosed with heart failure at the age of 22. We are both 24 now. If he does not get a transplant soon, he will die. This has been confirmed by a FB post from his mother. When I found out, I once again told myself I didn’t care. A few months later, I had a total breakdown one evening and told my parents I can’t handle it. Against my best judgement and normal character, I caved and texted him for the first time since we broke up. I said something along the lines of “Hey Tommy, this is xxxx. I wanted to lyk you are in my prayers and of course my family. If you ever need anything at all we are all here for you”. Send. No reply. Frantically a few days later, again against my character, I texted him again. I said something like “If you want me to leave you alone I will please just let me know what you want me to do”. Send. No reply. Damn, thats still gut wrenching to think about.
Here two years after his diagnosis, and three years after our breakup, I would be kidding myself if I didn’t admit that I dream of him every night, think of him at least once a day, and regret ever leaving him even though I know it was the right thing to do. Sometimes I wonder if he never got the diagnosis, if I would be over our break up now. The anxiety I feel daily about the fear of him dying is nearly unbearable. I have a new boyfriend now whom I feel like I neglect because of this entire situation, and I truly don’t know how to fix it. Every time I get a memory on social media, it’s of him since we were together for so long. All my major memories in my life (firsts, proms, graduations, vacations, etc) are with/of him. I feel like I can’t escape it. I’ve tried to forget and that just seems to have made things worse because I feel like I never gave myself time to heal. At this point, I feel like I should be healed. I am starting to get scared that this is going to affect me long term, and that I will never get over it. Some days it bothers me a lot (like today, to which I had to write for advice to strangers on the internet) and other days I rarely think of it at all. I have a family history of mental illness, and I every so often think of suicide even though I know realistically I’d never do it. I’m currently taking Buspar after being on Prozac for 15+ years. Advice is appreciated. I sincerely thank you if you read this far.
TLDR- I broke up with my first love 3 years ago and still think of him nearly daily. I think part of this is due to the fact that he is now unexpectedly dying from heat failure, and I live in constant fear that he will pass any day now. Please help with tips on how to get over this/how to move forward.

I'm listening to the audiobook narrated by Ed Sala. And the structure of the book is confusing me. Not plot wise, Not entirely. From what I gathered while listening to this, The book is split into parts instead of chapters. But Audible doesn't do that with the audiobook. It just splits the book into 20 chapters, And the beginning of one chapter is sometimes the continuation of a scene at the end of the previous one. And others will be the ending of that "Part". It makes it really hard to follow the plot, And finding stopping points is really hard as well. I enjoy listening to audiobooks on my way to school, And I don't really have time to actually sit down and read. And I don't have a physical copy of the book either. Am I making any sense? To people who have sat down and actually read the book, Can you help me understand how McCarthy structured is novel? Am I Missing Something? It's been bothering me for a little bit. Also, I'm On "Chapter 8" So No Spoilers At All!!!!!

EXT. CAMELOT - CASTLE DAY
(The castle of Camelot stands over grassy hills and crystal clear rolling rivers and seas. Gray clouds cover the sky and hundreds of soldiers and knights can be seen riding toward the castle. Text appears on the screen reading “CAMELOT” and then “CENTURIES AGO”.)
INT. CASTLE - THRONE ROOM - DAY
(MORGANA LE FAY (Centuries-Old), a beautiful middle aged appearing woman with sharp features and long flowing black hair, sits on the throne and holds Excalibur, the Crown of Camelot sits upon her head. Knights and soldiers march in linear motions through the hall. DEWIN (30s), a scruffily charming magician, enters in handcuffs, with guards behind him. Dewin marches up and presents himself to Morgana. Everyone in the room halts.)
MORGANA: State your name.
DEWIN: You know my name, Morgana.
MORGANA: State your name.
DEWIN: Dewinson of Merlin.
MORGANA: You are being tried with treason and conspiracy against the crown. Do you plead guilty to these crimes?
DEWIN: That depends.
MORGANA: On what?
DEWIN: Who you consider the crown to be.
(Dewin slips his handcuffs off and as he does three Blue Jays come flying out of his sleeve and begin to fly around the room.)
MORGANA: Enough foolishness. I find you guilty of the accusations placed upon you.
DEWIN: Then kill me.
MORGANA: Hm?
DEWIN: Let’s skip past the chatter and get my head on a platter. You see what I did there? Chatter platter.
MORGANA: Silence! Death is far too good for you.
DEWIN: Do your worst, no matter what Camelot will fall.
MORGANA: Is that a threat?
DEWIN: A threat would be something I plan on doing to you myself, the fall of Camelot, well that will be purely your doing.
(Morgana gets off the throne and draws a glowing circle around Dewin with Excalibur, as she does so Dewin lets out a small laugh.)
DEWIN: Binding me? My imprisonment shall not halter the winds of time.
MORGANA: I banish you.
DEWIN: What?
MORGANA: From this plane of time and place I banish you.
DEWIN: Not even you have the power to do that. Banishment spells have been hidden away for ages.
MORGANA: Hidden away in scrolls buried in this very castle. Dilflannu o’r awyren hon.
DEWIN: No.
MORGANA: Dilflannu o’r amser hwn.
DEWIN: No, no, stop.
MORGANA: Dilflannu o’r meddwl. Rwy’n eich gwahardd!
(Morgana’s eyes turn purple and electricity sparks all around Dewin and seems to be sucking the energy out of him.)
EXT. LONDON - FOREST - DAY
(A plain and put together autumnal forest. Text appears over the screen reading “LONDON” and then “EIGHTEEN EIGHTY FIVE”. Electricity sparks and Dewin appears in the forest dazed and confused. He is covered in scars and almost immediately passes out face forward into the ground.)
EXT. LONDON - FOREST - DAY
(As night begins to dawn Dewin is still incapacitated. A carriage led by a horse named, Sally, comes through the forest and halts at Dewin. ALDEN SMITH (Early 40s), a plump and posh man with a defining bushy mustache, cautiously hops out of the carriage. Alden looks around for a moment before spotting Dewin. Alden approaches Dewin and checks his pulse through his arm. Alden’s eyes linger on Dewin for a moment before looking up.)
ALDEN: Hello!? Is anybody there!?
(Alden waits for a moment before looking back down at Dewin. Alden sighs and then lifts Dewin up and into the carriage before hopping in himself. Alden pulls on the horse’s reins and it begins to march forward.)
EXT. LONDON - WICING DRIVE - NIGHT
(Alden drives his carriage down Wicing Drive and parks in front of a townhome, Twenty Six Wicing Drive. Alden gets out of the carriage, carrying Dewin, and walks up the steps. MINERVA SMITH (Early 40s), a stern yet radiant woman, opens the door in shock.)
ALDEN: It’s a long story.
INT. TWENTY SIX WICING DRIVE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
(A stereotypical Victorian living room made primarily of oak and illuminated by two small oil lamps and a burning fireplace. Dewin is still incapacitated and lies on the table covered in bandages, Alden and Minerva hover over him. Bottles of ointment sit next to Dewin.)
MINERVA: What were you doing in the woods?
ALDEN: It’s the fastest cut home.
MINERVA: And you just-
(Minerva is interrupted by Dewin’s sighing as he wakes up.)
DEWIN: Ah! Where am I? Who are you?
MINERVA: My name is Minnie, and this is my husband, Alden.
DEWIN: What’s happening?
ALDEN: I found you all bruised in the middle of the forest. Do you know what happened to you?
DEWIN: Morgana le Fay banished me.
(Alden and Minerva glance at each other.)
MINERVA: Oh lord, I think you're a bit confused.
DEWIN: I am not confused. I am Dewin, son of Merlin. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to ask if you could take me to a sage or healer?
MINERVA: Of course, Alden can take you tomorrow morning, but for the night you can stay here.
DEWIN: Why, thank you.
ALDEN: Minnie, may I speak to you in the other room?
MINERVA: Of course.
(Alden and Minerva step into the kitchen.)
INT. TWENTY SIX WICING DRIVE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
ALDEN: We can not keep this man in our home. He is mentally insane.
MINERVA: Which means we must watch over him.
ALDEN: I am looking out for our safety.
MINERVA: And where would we take him?
ALDEN: I don’t know. He is as mad as the Doeth man!
MINERVA: Then that’s where we’ll take him.
ALDEN: Stick to nuts together?
MINERVA: The man has some common sense and he’s very compassionate.
ALDEN: Perfect.
EXT. LONDON - ALDRICH’S HOUSE - NIGHT
(Alden and Minerva Dewin sit in their carriage with Dewin outside of a small house that is slightly separated from the other homes on the street.)
DEWIN: So this is the home of a healer?
ALDEN: According to him. I will go to the door alone, I do not want to scare him.
(Alden gets out of the carriage and starts heading towards the home.)
MINERVA: So you really do believe that you are the son of Merlin.
DEWIN: I know who my father was. Why is this such a puzzle for you and your husband to wrap your heads around?
MINERVA: Why I’ve only heard stories of Camelot, myths of ancient pasts.
DEWIN: So Morgana not only shifted my place but also the time.
(Alden knocks on the home's door and is greeted by ALDRICH DOETH (Hundreds Of Years Old), an older looking man with crystals strapped around his neck.)
ALDRICH: Doctor Smith, have they finally sent someone to take me away to a nuthouse?
ALDEN: On the exact contrary, I’ve found a wounded man who claims to have been sent here by Morgana le Fay.
ALDRICH: That’s what the shift was!
ALDEN: What? You know what it doesn’t matter, as long as you’re willing to take this man.
ALDRICH: Yes, yes, bring him to me.
ALDEN: Minerva, send him up!
(Dewin comes up to the door.)
DEWIN: Hello.
ALDRICH: My goodness, the energy pulsates off of you.
DEWIN (TO ALDEN): This is the healer?
ALDEN: Yes. Now if you two don’t mind I think I will be headed back on my way.
ALDRICH: Are you sure, Doctor? It’s getting rather late, you and your wife are welcome to stay here.
ALDEN: Thank you, but there’s no need.
(Rain starts pouring out of the sky out of nowhere and thunder and lighting begin.)
ALDRICH: What about now, Doctor?
ALDEN: Minnie! We’re staying here tonight!
INT. ALDRICH’S HOUSE - LIVING SPACE - DAY
(A cluttered mess of books, candles, and potions. Aldrich, Alden, Minerva, and Dewin sit on Aldrich’s circular array of couches and chairs.)
ALDRICH: Before we dive in I suggest you go wash off, Dewin. The washroom is that small one to your left.
DEWIN: Thank you, Aldrich.
(Dewin gets up and goes into the washroom.)
ALDRICH: I know what you two think of me, the neighborhood’s resident crazy.
MINERVA: Not at all, Mister Doeth.
ALDRICH: Don’t lie, Minerva, our actions all come back to bite us.
ALDEN: So we think you're mental, what of it?
ALDRICH: There are dark forces amongst us, Mister and Misses Smith. I believe that Dewin is here to save us.
ALDEN: I appreciate you letting us stay here, but I think it’s time we leave.
ALDRICH: I will change this storm into an earthquake to keep you here if I must.
ALDEN: Come on, Minnie.
(Alden and Minerva get up and go to leave when the whole room begins to shake.)
ALDEN: What’s happening!?
ALDRICH: I warned you.
(Aldrich makes silencing symbols with his hands and the storm and the shaking stops.)
ALDRICH: Now will you listen to me?
(Alden and Minerva both sit back down.)
ALDEN: What are you?
AlDRICH: A magician, a clairvoyant, a healer, I am all of those things and more.
ALDEN: Why do you want us here so badly?
ALDRICH: I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you are the one who found Dewin, Doctor Smith. He needs a guide in this vast new world. Prophecy states that when the second coming of the Camelot war comes, the savior will have a protector.
ALDEN: And why me?
ALDRICH: There are questions that only we can answer ourselves.
(Dewin comes out of the washroom and sits back down.)
ALDRICH: Dewin, please tell me exactly how you arrived here.
DEWIN: Morgana le Fay used an ancient banishing spell on me.
ALDRICH: The fall of Camelot.
(Suddenly a wind sweeps through the room that blows out all the candles.)
MINERVA: Mister Doeth, are you doing this?
ALDRICH: No.
(A match is lit in the center of the room to reveal GWENWYN LIGHTWOOD (Centuries-Old), a green draconic humanoid woman in black robes and a hood.)
GWENWYN: Aldrich.
ALDRICH: Lady Lightwood.
GWENWYN: I’ve tracked a shift in magic to your home.
ALDRICH: It is this boy, he was banished here from Camelot.
(Gwenwyn goes up to Dewin and takes her hood off to reveal her scaly appearance. Alden gasps in disbelief. Gwenwyn runs her finger down Dewin’s cheek.)
GWENWYN (TO ALDRICH): Hm. I presume you wish to let him roam freely?
ALDRICH: With guidance, yes.
GWENWYN: If one thing goes wrong you will be punished.
ALDRICH: I know.
DEWIN (TO GWENWYN): Who are you?
GWENWYN: The last of the dragons. Just as Aldrich is the last descendent of the Family Merlin.
DEWIN (TO ALDRICH): You're a descendant of my father?
ALDRICH: Of his sister, I have many of her poems and spell tombs still intact here.
GWENWYN: Magic is rare these days, endangered, most people don’t even know it exists. So are we under agreement on the boy, Aldrich?
ALDRICH: Yes, but something is still troubling. If you and I both felt Dewin’s presence then-
GWENWYN: Benjamin did too.
DEWIN: Who is Benjamin?
ALDRICH: A descendant of Morgana who wishes to rule the earth under her ideals.
GWENWYN: A very very dangerous man who will certainly kill me if he finds me here.
(Gwenwyn’s match extinguishes and after a moment the candles all reignite but Gwenwyn is gone.)
ALDEN: By Jove!
ALDRICH: So do you all accept this challenge?
DEWIN: What challenge?
ALDRICH: Defeating Benjamin Fayle.
DEWIN: Of course!
ALDEN: Absolutely not.
ALDRICH: Are you that repulsed by compassion?
ALDEN: I can’t risk Minerva of I’s life on what could all be me hallucinating.
ALDRICH: You're risking the world for a craven excuse.
ALDEN: Goodbye.
(Alden gets up.)
ALDEN: Let’s leave, Minnie.
MINERVA: Thank you for your hospitality, Mister Doeth, and good luck.
(Alden leaves, followed by Minerva.)
EXT. LONDON - ALDRICH’S HOUSE - NIGHT
(Alden and Minerva ride through the street in their carriage.)
MINERVA: We were definitely drugged.
ALDEN: Absolutely.
EXT. LONDON - WICING DRIVE - NIGHT
(Alden and Minerva hop out of their carriage.)
ALDEN: I’m going to bring Sally back to the stables.
MINERVA: Goodnight, love you.
ALDEN: I love you most.
(Minerva goes up and enters Twenty Six Wicing Drive as Alden detaches Sally from the carriage and begins to guide her down the cobbled sidewalk with one of his hands on her reins.)
EXT. LONDON - FOREST - NIGHT
(Alden guides Sally through the forest to a set of stables. Sally suddenly rears up and neighs in terror.)
ALDEN: What is it Sally?
(Sally suddenly breaks off her reins and runs towards the stables. A figure in a dark purple hood and robe sweeps past Alden and their eyes glow purple. Alden screams.)
INT. TWENTY SIX WICING DRIVE - BEDROOM- DAY
(Alden and Minerva lay next to each other asleep in bed. Alden wakes up screaming which awakens Minerva.)
MINERVA: What’s the matter?
ALDEN: Just a night terror.
MINERVA: We did the right thing with Dewin, he’s with someone like him now.
ALDEN: Is that really a good thing? I think I’m going to go to the pub.
MINERVA: This early in the morning?
ALDEN: I need to clear my head after yesterday.
INT. GRIFFIN’S TAIL PUB - DAY
(A traditional Victorian pub. Dewin sits at the bar and is served by BRYNN CROWING (Early 30s), a charming bartender.)
BRYNN: What can I get you, Mate?
DEWIN: Just a pint of mead, please.
(Brynn goes and pours Dewin a pint of mead that she brings back to him and he begins drinking.)
BRYNN: I like your outfit, it’s very medieval.
DEWIN: It was made by the tailor of Sir Gawain.
(Brynn gives a light chuckle.)
BRYNN: What’s your name?
DEWIN: Dewin, and yours?
BRYNN: Brynn.
(Alden enters and sees Dewin. Alden leaves, but as he does he spots another person in a dark purple robe and hood with glowing purple eyes.)
DEWIN: You're very beautiful.
BRYNN: Why, thank you.
DEWIN: Would you like to go for a stroll?
BRYNN: My shift here doesn’t end till six.
DEWIN: Then I’ll see you then.
BRYNN: I guess you will.
(Dewin finishes his mead and drops two silver coins with dragons etched into them on the bar before swiftly leaving. Brynn picks up the coins and looks at them with confusion and yearning.)
EXT. LONDON - ALDRICH’S HOUSE - DAY
(Alden knocks on the door and Aldrich opens it.)
ALDRICH: I’ve been expecting you, come in.
(Alden follows Aldrich into the home.)
INT. - ALDRICH’S HOUSE - LIVING SPACE - DAY
(Alden and Aldrich sit across from each other.)
ALDRICH: Can I offer you some tea?
ALDEN: No thank you, I want to be in the clearest state of mind possible here.
ALDRICH: So what ignited your appearance here?
ALDEN: I’ve been seeing these people.
ALDRICH: Who are “these people”?
ALDEN: They wear these dark robes and their eyes glow purple.
ALDRICH: Faley’s society.
ALDEN: What?
ALDRICH: Benjamin Faley, the evil man I mentioned last night. Is this what caused you to believe?
ALDEN: What are you saying?
ALDRICH: That you believe in magic.
ALDEN: You're mad.
ALDRICH: Exactly, so the fact that you came to me shows that there’s at least one lingering thought in your mind that magic is reality and reality is magic.
(There’s a moment of silence between Alden and Aldrich.)
ALDRICH: Where have you been seeing the people you mentioned?
ALDEN: Everywhere that Dewin has been.
ALDRICH: Oh no, oh no, no, no.
ALDEN: What is it?
ALDRICH: Dewin is going out with a woman tonight.
ALDEN: Already? He’s only been here for a day.
ALDRICH: He's charming but also so foolish. You must watch them, in case Faley strikes or even worse this woman is working for him.
ALDEN: What could I even do to stop that?
ALDRICH: You are destined to protect Dewin, and at this point your logic for denying all of this is purely irrational. You're not hesitating because you think it’s not real, you're hesitating because you know it is. He is meeting her at six outside of the “Griffin’s Tail”.
ALDEN: I’m not going.
ALDRICH: We both know that you will.
ALDEN: Farewell, Mister Doeth.
ALDRICH: May the spirit of Merlin be with you, Doctor Smith.
(Alden gets up and leaves.)
EXT. LONDON - GRIFFIN’S TAIL PUB - NIGHT
(Dewin stands outside of the pub when Brynn comes out of the side door and walks towards him.)
BRYNN: I wasn’t expecting you to show.
DEWIN: Why wouldn’t I?
BRYNN: Most men flirt and then leave, half of them are married.
DEWIN: They are not true gentlemen then.
BRYNN: I suppose not.
DEWIN: Shall we begin walking?
BRYNN: Sure.
EXT. LONDON - STREETS - NIGHT
(Dewin and Brynn stroll down the streets of London. Alden follows them from a distance.)
DEWIN: This world is so beautiful.
BRYNN: Compared to all the other worlds you’ve been to?
DEWIN: Well Camelot obviously has a better scenic view.
BRYNN: Camelot?
DEWIN: My home land.
BRYNN: You're full of jokes.
DEWIN: I’m not joking.
BRYNN: What?
(Suddenly someone grabs Brynn into an alleyway and she screams. Dewin quickly turns to see no one beside him and runs after her, followed by Alden.)
EXT. LONDON - ROOFTOP - NIGHT
(The clear skies suddenly turn gray and ominous as Dewin arrives on the roof of a building to see three people with glowing purple eyes in the dark purple robes and hoods with one standing in the center holding Brynn with a dagger to her neck. Alden arrives on the rooftop.)
ALDEN: Bloody hell!
DEWIN: Let go of her!
(The three people take off their hoods and their eyes go to normal shades. The person holding Brynn is revealed to be DABRIA (30s), a menacing looking woman.)
DABRIA: Dim mynd i mewn dim dianc.
(A purple hazy force field appears around the edges of the rooftop.)
DABRIA: So you are the one sent to stop us.
DEWIN: What do you connote?
DABRIA: We are the Citadel of le Fay.
DEWIN: Oh no.
DABRIA: Who are you?
DEWIN: My name is Dewin, I am the son of Merlin, and I demand that you let Brynn go.
DABRIA: Why? Is she your protector?
BRYNN: Dewin, what are they talking about!?
(Dewin starts to move his hands around and a wispy blue energy begins to come out of them.)
DABRIA: Get him!
(The two other people with Dabria rush towards Dewin to attack him, but he uses the energy he created to push them around and drop them both to the ground. Dabria drops Brynn and her dagger and Alden rushes to pick up the dagger and succeeds.)
DABRIA: You are foolish, Dewin.
(Dabria pulls a gun out of her robes and shoots it at Dewin but he turns the bullet into a flower. Dabria shoots more but each time Dewin does the same thing until Dabria is out of bullets. Alden sneaks up behind Dabria and stabs her in the back. Dabria shrieks in pain and then disappears in a cloud of black smoke. Brynn gets up off of the ground.)
BRYNN: What the hell just happened?
DEWIN: Are you okay?
BRYNN: Not mentally. What in the world is going on here? How did you turn bullets into flowers!?
DEWIN: I told you I’m from Camelot.
(Alden drops the dagger.)
ALDEN: Did I just kill that woman?
DEWIN: Most likely not, you didn’t stab deep enough to hit any organs.
BRYNN: What do we do now?
DEWIN: Go home and call it a night.
BRYNN: I can’t forget about this.
DEWIN: I’m not asking you to.
ALDEN: If any of us speak of this people think we’re insane.
DEWIN: Then don’t speak of it.
BRYNN: Will I see you again, Dewin?
DEWIN: Did you enjoy tonight?
BRYNN: I was almost killed.
DEWIN: That doesn’t answer my question.
BRYNN: Meet at the pub on Friday after my shift.
INT. TWENTY SIX WICING DRIVE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
(Alden and Minerva lay next to each other.)
MINERVA: Do you think the Citadel will return?
ALDEN: Unequivocally.
MINERVA: What have we gotten into?
INT. BENJAMIN’S LAIR - NIGHT
(A cavern full of crystals and magical runes. BENJAMIN FALEY (30s or 40s), an attractive but uptight looking man, sits on his throne. Dabria enters and walks to face the throne, she bows and then gets back up.)
BENJAMIN: Did you find him?
DABRIA: Yes, Master Faley.
BENJAMIN: And did you find his protector?
DABRIA: Yes, but it’s not the girl.
BENJAMIN: Then who?
DABRIA: A Doctor Alden Smith.
BENJAMIN: Did you kill the doctor?
DABRIA: He deeply wounded me.
BENJAMIN: Then the battle goes on.
DABRIA: For Morgana.
BENJAMIN: For Morgana.
INT. ALDRICH’S HOUSE - LIVING SPACE - NIGHT
(Aldrich and Dewin sit across from each other drinking tea.)
ALDRICH: There are many things in this world, Dewin…
INT. GWENWYN’S CAVE - NIGHT
(Gwenwyn stands in the middle of a circle of candles. She stretches out her hands and forms magic blue charts and graphs with a picture of Dewin.)
ALDRICH (VOICE OVER): Forces we can’t explain…
EXT. LONDON - ALLEYWAY- NIGHT
(Brynn wears only her undergarments and takes a few coins from a man.)
ALDRICH (VOICE OVER): Secrets we hide…
INT. BENJAMIN’S LAIR - NIGHT
(Benjamin sits on his throne.)
ALDRICH (VOICE OVER): And villains we must defeat.
INT. ALDRICH’S HOUSE - LIVING SPACE - NIGHT
ALDRICH: You are the key to this all, Dewin, you are the son of Merlin.

Hello, i’m making this post and will update it accordingly to share, so others have another resource to read/look into, and maybe feel hopeful about their situation. This will probably be a lengthy post so i apologize in advance.
For some background, i’m a 23 year old male, slightly chubby/thicker, i’ve been competing in powerlifting and doing strength training since i was about 15, and very recently, started experiencing some ED with my partner.
So far it’s happened twice with me. The first time I had figured i was just tired in the moment, i had already taken my melatonin for the night and was half asleep when we decided to have sex. I went soft when the intercourse started. That night i had written it off as me just being tired and ready for bed. The second time, i was a little more embarrassed. There’s not much to it other than that - we initiated sex, and i again - went soft during intercourse. And i felt awful about it.
it’s been about a week, since the second occurrence happened, since then ive started taking my ashwagandha and magnesium taurate again, and last night i decided to throw some zinc into the mix. I also started drinking an 8oz mixture of organic beet juice and pomegranate juice, daily. I’ve also cut out ALL porn and masturbation, there will be more on this later. I have a HUGE history with porn and masturbation.
Since i started taking my supplements again, some mornings i have morning wood, other times, i don’t. im doing a very good job at not letting this deter my effort or wipe out my hope. this all takes time i’m sure.
I firmly believe porn is my culprit. I discovered porn back in the 1st grade. fast forward to 3rd grade, i learned how to masturbate. jump over to 7th grade and all through highschool, im doing it daily, a few times a day. And it only got worse as i got older, even after graduated highschool. So i’m led to believe that my habits are starting to catch up to me!
In recent years, i’ve had a habit of bookmarking porn videos to my pc, saving NSFW reddit posts, and eventually just casually watching it while i’m gaming. i’ll look at it in the gym parking lot while i wait for my caffeine to kick in, i’ll look at twitter porn while i drive home, or on my breaks at work. It had gotten waaaaay too casual for me. I’d be in discord with my friends playing games, if i died in whatever game, i’d load up google chrome and just browse a site, looking for a video that looked nice. All while touching myself too, not straight up beating it but just rubbing the head of my penis, and basically edging myself.
Recently, when my current girlfriend and i started seeing eachother, i remember i was erect almost ALL the time when we cuddled or kissed and got slightly intimate. And i think a huge reason for that is - when we had first started seeing eachother, i was always at her house, i wasn’t at home on my PC looking at porn, i wasn’t on my phone looking at porn, i wasn’t being stimulated by anything, AND i was also taking my ashwagandha + magnesium. At the time, i was taking ashwagandha an effort to reduce stress and have a clearer head. i was doing some testing for a job so i looked into ashwagandha and started taking it, turns out my mom already had some in the house and just gave me the magnesium to take with it. But i remember being fully erect ALL the time.
At some point, i had fallen off of the ashwagandha and magnesium, not for any specific reason. I would sleep at my girlfriends house and go straight to work in the morning, so i wasn’t stopping by my house to get my supplements. on top of that, as our schedules got busier and i had more time to myself at home, i would find myself playing video games, while browsing porn and touching myself. i had fallen back into that nasty habit, that i essentially had unknowingly dropped for a little bit.
So this is where i’m at now. ashwagandha, magnesium, and zinc daily. Plus beet juice and pomegranate juice, and no porn.
My break at work is coming to an end so i’m closing this out for now, i’ll edit and add more when i’m home, as well as answer any questions, if there are any! thanks for reading and good luck!

Hi all!
I'll try to make this concise.
I'm a guidance counselor working in the NYC Department of Ed.
I have an estimated 4weeks left until I gift birth. I recently asked my principal to allow me to work from home, based on my OB doc's rec. One of my biggest challenges is my 2.5-3 hour rountrip drive commute, as well as a slew of other things that can be alleviated if I can work from home. My direct supervisor in the guidance department has unofficially agreed that this is a reasonable accommodation.
My job duties are heavily administrative (a lot of paperwork, inputting student data on portals, programming students for classes, reviewing course applications, calling parents to provide academic updates, checking transcripts, submitting graduation codes, etc.).
My principal (boss) is arguing that my essential function is to be in the building. No reasons stated. He proposed that he give me extended breaks (Not helpful for me. The students here are very loud in the building and nowhere to lie down/recline in a comfortable area). He proposed to change my schedule to alleviate commute (I already get in at the earliest time possible and leave at the earliest time possible to avoid heavy traffic).
When I declined both accommodations, he recommended that I take a medical leave. I told him if I worked from home, I could get all of my end-of-year duties completed from the computer. He said let them worry about all of the work I will have to leave to my coworkers to figure out. I have 300 students, and I work with them throughout 9th to 12th grade, so I know them best. We've had colleagues leave before for maternity, and it was always difficult to take on extra students who we were unfamiliar with, especially with all of our never ending deadlines. I stated multiple times I would love to work from home not only for my sake, but also so that I can not place extra burden on my coworkers, and also to support my students. He was adamant that I take a leave.
FYI, my union rep let me know that the principals have been pressured to not let staff work from home. I don't know who is pressuring them. I didn't ask. Union rep told me to fight this.
Clearly me being gone is not causing an undue hardship to my principal because he's the one that I take a leave and let them worry about all the work I can't get done. Wouldn't it be more logical for me to work from home and get my work done? Btw, his whole point is that my essential function is to be with my students in person. I do not have a mandated caseload and I rarely see students for counseling because we have social workers who are assigned with that duty.
Is it worth sending a rebuttal to his declining my request? Any tips, advice, suggestions?
TIA all!

Hi all!
I'll try to make this concise.
I'm a guidance counselor working in the NYC Department of Ed.
I have an estimated 4weeks left until I gift birth. I recently asked my principal to allow me to work from home, based on my OB doc's rec. One of my biggest challenges is my 2.5-3 hour rountrip drive commute, as well as a slew of other things that can be alleviated if I can work from home. My direct supervisor in the guidance department has unofficially agreed that this is a reasonable accommodation.
My job duties are heavily administrative (a lot of paperwork, inputting student data on portals, programming students for classes, reviewing course applications, calling parents to provide academic updates, checking transcripts, submitting graduation codes, etc.).
My principal (boss) is arguing that my essential function is to be in the building. No reasons stated. He proposed that he give me extended breaks (Not helpful for me. The students here are very loud in the building and nowhere to lie down/recline in a comfortable area). He proposed to change my schedule to alleviate commute (I already get in at the earliest time possible and leave at the earliest time possible to avoid heavy traffic).
When I declined both accommodations, he recommended that I take a medical leave. I told him if I worked from home, I could get all of my end-of-year duties completed from the computer. He said let them worry about all of the work I will have to leave to my coworkers to figure out. I have 300 students, and I work with them throughout 9th to 12th grade, so I know them best. We've had colleagues leave before for maternity, and it was always difficult to take on extra students who we were unfamiliar with, especially with all of our never ending deadlines. I stated multiple times I would love to work from home not only for my sake, but also so that I can not place extra burden on my coworkers, and also to support my students. He was adamant that I take a leave.
FYI, my union rep let me know that the principals have been pressured to not let staff work from home. I don't know who is pressuring them. I didn't ask. Union rep told me to fight this. He said he knows counselors and school psychologists in other schools who have been accommodated to work from home.
Clearly me being gone is not causing an undue hardship to my principal because he's the one that recommended that I take a leave and let them worry about all the work I can't get done. Wouldn't it be more logical for me to work from home and get my work done? Btw, his whole point is that my essential function is to be with my students in person. I do not have a mandated caseload and I rarely see students for counseling because we have social workers who are assigned with that duty.
Is it worth sending a rebuttal to his declining my request? Any tips, advice, suggestions?
TIA all!

Hi all!
I'll try to make this concise.
I'm a guidance counselor working in the NYC Department of Ed.
I have an estimated 4weeks left until I gift birth. I recently asked my principal to allow me to work from home, based on my OB doc's rec. One of my biggest challenges is my 2.5-3 hour rountrip drive commute, as well as a slew of other things that can be alleviated if I can work from home. My direct supervisor in the guidance department has unofficially agreed that this is a reasonable accommodation.
My job duties are heavily administrative (a lot of paperwork, inputting student data on portals, programming students for classes, reviewing course applications, calling parents to provide academic updates, checking transcripts, submitting graduation codes, etc.).
My principal (boss) is arguing that my essential function is to be in the building. No reasons stated. He proposed that he give me extended breaks (Not helpful for me. The students here are very loud in the building and nowhere to lie down/recline in a comfortable area). He proposed to change my schedule to alleviate commute (I already get in at the earliest time possible and leave at the earliest time possible to avoid heavy traffic).
When I declined both accommodations, he recommended that I take a medical leave. I told him if I worked from home, I could get all of my end-of-year duties completed from the computer. He said let them worry about all of the work I will have to leave to my coworkers to figure out. I have 300 students, and I work with them throughout 9th to 12th grade, so I know them best. We've had colleagues leave before for maternity, and it was always difficult to take on extra students who we were unfamiliar with, especially with all of our never ending deadlines. I stated multiple times I would love to work from home not only for my sake, but also so that I can not place extra burden on my coworkers, and also to support my students. He was adamant that I take a leave.
FYI, my union rep let me know that the principals have been pressured to not let staff work from home. I don't know who is pressuring them. I didn't ask. Union rep told me to fight this.
Clearly me being gone is not causing an undue hardship to my principal because he's the one that I take a leave and let them worry about all the work I can't get done. Wouldn't it be more logical for me to work from home and get my work done? Btw, his whole point is that my essential function is to be with my students in person. I do not have a mandated caseload and I rarely see students for counseling because we have social workers who are assigned with that duty.
Is it worth sending a rebuttal to his declining my request? Any tips, advice, suggestions?
TIA all!