Mcstories.com mirror

Situation: The BE archive now requires an account and login before you can even read the Addventure, let alone post in it. This is a massive departure from the "come one, come all" feel it had previously.     I tend to get hot-headed about this stuff, so I'm going to let other BEA members and Addventure writers speak for themselves:     "I can understand wanting to bring more attention to the revenue generating parts of the site. This is a lot to host for free.     But it should have just been a banner ad. The current situation is ridiculous and bound to kill the Addventure, and hurt the revenue of the BEarchive by extension. Given the added hassle, by the way, the service stinks. No search. Shoddy performance. If you're gonna require memberships, I want more from you."       "if you force people to make an account just to see what is happening in the addventure plase make it so you can MAKE ONE. Seriously, it took me like a week before this worked.     Regardless, as has already been stated by others, this whole thing has to be fixed ASAP. As I can see, the Addventure is down to quite a little activity and there has been talk about mirroring the site here and there. So yeah, preferrably get rid of the log-in for the place entirely and add some adds without naked boobs and some links to the BE Archive if you have to advertise this place. If you absolutely have to keep the log-in, make sure that people can make one without much hassle as noted above. Most people won't bother trying repeatedly to make one. Seriously, the place positively thrives off of random people making posts and others going "oh that is an interesting idea" and continuing from there."       "I've been writing a lot of content for the addventure for about half my life now, and it's annoying to have it arbitrarily moved like this, especially when I think where it might be arbitrarily moved in the future. It's also annoying because using google to search the addventure for specific entries and storylines was one of my preferred method, and there's no replacement for that. I understand the addventure is smaller part of the larger site, and that to many it's not an important part, but there are many more that it is important to. We had dozens of entries every day from people all over the world, and now it's already begun to stagnate, and there's no reason for that. Sites like CYOC and Chyoa are becoming more popular as people WANT to generate their own content. They want an outlet for that, and this is one of the oldest sites for that sort of thing.     It's been mentioned that this has been done in an attempt to draw more people to the rest of the site, in which case, I'd point out that this is a bad method of doing that. MCstories found sponsorship with Daphne's Fantasies, and they've so far done a great job of letting the site run the way it wants while earning their author's and reader's trust and support. Even sites like Vampyou encourage user generated content without 77 it behind a paywall, though they still have a paywall for the rest."       "The Unending BE Addventure has always been very loosely attached to the rest of the archive, enough so that, as others have pointed out, it was entirely possible to pursue the Addventure without ever knowing about the Archive that hosts it. That's a lot of potential traffic that's largely just being wasted from a business perspective, and you want to try and lure those users into creating paying memberships to generate additional revenue, or at least free memberships and engaging in the community to generate additional content, (and hopefully eventual paid membership). It's an incredibly simple and sensible business decision.     You've just done it wrong. You've done it so wrong that if the only result of this decision is absolutely nothing, then you would be incredibly lucky, because I simply cannot imagine any better outcome that isn't ludicrously optimistic.     More likely than nothing however, is the possibility that this change will cause serious damage both to the health of the Unending BE Addventure, but also to your brand. Potential readers and contributors are simply not going to be enticed to join and will in all likelihood just leave upon seeing a login page without any indication of what's behind it or a compelling reason to risk signing up. Existing readers and contributors are both extremely frustrated and demoralized by this change because it's not only intrusive but as aforementioned will almost certainly result in less readers and less contributors.     Now consider your original intention. You wanted the users of the Unending BE Addventure to become aware of the Archive and you wanted them to become paid members, and potential consumers. I think you've succeeded in raising awareness, but it is certainly not true that all publicity is good publicity. I know I would never purchase snack foods from a company which I only knew of through an FDA probe on the amount of rat feces present in their goods, or who were dumping so much waste into the local water source that my hair was starting to fall out in clumps. What I'm saying here is that you're not just building awareness, this sense of disregard is actively creating animosity and contempt. If the most likely result occurs and the community surrounding the Addventure is crippled by your actions then they will almost certainly hold you responsible and what were contributors and may have been customers will simply refuse to have anything to do with you out of principle."       "Count me in as being very annoyed by this change, and frankly it killed a lot of my enthusiasm to continue working on here. I received an email yesterday saying that someone updated one of my threads and I hadn't yet read it. Now that I found out I have an account here, I'll be able to, but, I just hate how this killed so many people being able to access it.     Especially when I find this, and I see so many of my favorite authors complaining about it: Pyro, Post, Surplus, Nair, Lumitiel, it's frustrating.     Also, I loved the simplicity of the site. No bullcrap like writing.com had. I could easily look at the site from work if I wanted to, since it's just text. But now there's that big splash screen there, nope, can't look at that safely!"       "I can understand why making the Addventure require a log-in might seem like a good idea. After all, the new site's stated philosophy is to break down the distinction between content creators and consumers, and the Addventure is that incarnate. Besides, requiring Addventure users to sign up for a BE Archive account will cause a huge upsurge in the number of new BE Archive accounts being created as existing Addventure users sign up.     That's a short-term benefit, however. In the long term, fewer new users will start reading the Addventure, and that means fewer people will become Addventure authors. This means that the number of authors and readers will decline over time - and as others have already said, discouraging new people from becoming users is a big risk for a service that depends on crowdsourcing for new content.     There's also a risk of losing your existing users, including the authors who make the Addventure worth visiting. I'm still here, obviously, but there are a lot of Addventure authors out there. As others in this thread have already mentioned, those who click on their bookmarks and see the new sign-up page won't necessarily realise that it means the Addventure is now members-only: Some may assume that it's down temporarily as a result of your site upgrades, or that it's gone forever, or that it now requires a paid membership. Of those who do realise that the Addventure is still available, some of them may decide that they don't want to sign up - and that means that you're losing authors who would otherwise help attract people to your site.     tl;dr: Putting the Addventure behind a membership wall is causing problems."     -Posts from ThePro, High Commander, Nack, The Arrogant Nair, BioYugi,and GMJ, respectively.     (TL;DR: Cutting off the addventure from its community will only lead to content creators and users leaving, leading to stagnation and and lost revenue. Monetize it, fine, but this is throwing the baby, tub, and most of the bathroom out with the bathwater.)

That's the symptom. What's the cause? I can only guess, but I think it's a combination of many factors.
Early on (around 6 or 7) I learned how to make myself feel good by masturbating. Even though I physically wasn't capable of producing sperm, the sensation was still there. I remember the first time something actually came out, I was scared shitless, until my older brother told me later that it was totally normal. You could imagine my relief, and continuation now that I've been more or less given carte blanche.
For some reason, early on in my life I gravitated towards fantasizing about being dominated by women. I was really shy and young, so I'd spend a lot of time fantasizing and fapping. Once I got a computer, things became even more intense. But instead of watching porn (which I really don't enjoy), I'd read stories about women dominating men (www.mcstories.com probably being the biggest offender).
Why I gravitated towards this type of fantasy baffles me. I didn't really have a strong mother, so I assume maybe it was overcompensating on what I perceived as mistreatment of my mother at the hands of my dad. He left when I was 11, and although I don't know even to this day how much it affected me, I'm sure it did. I guess on some level this appeases some psychological perception or desire to not get close to females. Female genitalia don't really appeal to me, and nakedness makes me... uncomfortable. I'm much more attracted to clothed women (makes sense since it doesn't remind me of my inexperience in this field).
Since I was always shy, fantasizing and constantly masturbating was an outlet that I could use to avoid becoming intimate with women, or anyone for that matter. I was very to myself; had few friends, never went to prom, or did anything really social for that matter. I've always had some unexplainable fear of women, of them being vindictive, evil or whatever. I guess not knowing much about something leads to all sorts of inaccurate perceptions. My parents splitting up and the subsequent death of my mother didn't help things much. I just became more reclusive, hedonistic and indulgent.
I became somewhat sick in my early 20s, and there was a dark time in my life between approx 23 and 25. I would just sit around all day, not doing much of anything. Eating junk food, fapping, pretty much just wasting away. Depression, apathy and confusion were my daily companions. It wasn't a mystery as to why I was sick or why I continued to be so. My family would constantly fight with me, lecture me, sometimes even bribe me. They didn't understand what was plaguing me or why I had become so self-destructive.
Some people argued I was gay, but it didn't work out that way. I AM attracted to females, but I've set up many barriers to make their attainment virtually impossible. And on some level I do have a fear of women and their sexual powers, and I've very often perceived them as being selfish, vindictive, and just downright evil.
I've considered myself ugly most of my life, and I've worked hard to maintain that image. Besides a few very short times in my life, I usually haven't taken care of myself, which led to me being constantly overweight. My father wasn't around, and my older brother was too busy with his own thing (or his intuitive explanations were always too vague for my analytical mind), so nobody really taught me how to dress right (I wore mostly hand-me-downs or had my mom dress me till I was in college), or how to interact with the opposite sex. Even now I don't really dress well, just enough to get by, holding off purchasing a new wardrobe with really nice clothes until I lose weight and "look good." Been waiting nine years now.
It's like I've convinced myself that I could never be with someone attractive, and once you've made that an axiom in your life, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. There have been girls who have been interested in me, girls who I look back upon from the vantage point of today and realize were nice and attractive. And yet I'd lose interest in them. Because in my world, once someone became interested in me, how could they be attractive or worth my time? If in my mind it's axiomatic that I can't get a girl who's attractive and nice, how can it be that this seemingly attractive and nice girl likes me? The only explanation must be that she's really not attractive and nice, and I've been duped this whole time. Hence I'd lose interest, much to the chagrin of these girls, who couldn't fathom my erratic and hot and cold behavior. The more they warmed up, the more distant I became.
So I've pretty much set myself up for failure. Either pine for the attractive unattainable, or settle for the perceived undesirable. Of course this is solely a problem with perception, mostly stemming from one's own self esteem. You'll never be able to get anything of value if you feel you're not worthy of it. This is more a matter of mental projection than anything mystical a la "the secret."
I can be very shallow, and a lot of times don't even want to associate with girls who I don't find attractive, for fear of "being seen with them" or some other inane excuse. Someone remarked recently that it's not something you should spend a lot of energy thinking about. Just enjoy people's company and try to find the good in them, instead of snap judging. How much more so does that apply to oneself. If you can't enjoy the company of yourself, how the fuck do you expect to enjoy the company of others? This feels like a natural consequence to having a tendency towards perfectionism.
Which leads me to myself. I know shockingly very little about the person typing this up right now. The constant apathy, negativity and repression have led me to a place where I'm not sure who I am when I look in the mirror. This is what happens when you hide yourself from the world. It's no different than someone who cheats his way through school, and constantly fools himself that he knows everything he studied, until one day it all comes toppling down and he realizes there's nothing there. Even though my age is at a place that society's barometer says you "should have your shit together" by (I can only imagine the collective reddit horror of reading about a 30 year-old virgin), I'm really so so far away from that. Last year I hit a bottom and I almost had a nervous breakdown due to stress at work and home and finally broke down and sought out help for myself; have been in therapy since. I picked myself up quite a bit and started exercising, taking care of myself, and whatnot. I even went about a month without fapping. It was the first time in a long time I've had such energy, clarity of thought, and just plain joy in my life. It also increased of my desire for women (and life) exponentially. Starve me for a month and I'll pretty much do anyone on the street.
This state of affairs didn't last long however.
I've been doing better but at the same time there's a lot of inner turmoil and confusion. I think the first step forward is getting out of my fantasy world and into the real world, with real people (and women!). I constantly turn to fapping when I get worked up or there's too much stress in my life, but I honestly think there's no hope in continuing to do that. I guess true wisdom and maturity is being able to delay instant gratification for something more intense and beneficial in the long-term.
It scares me to think how much of my life, time and energy I've thrown away on pointless pursuits. How much fear, uncertainty and doubt have dominated my actions, words and thoughts. How despair has been the confidante I've turned to in troublesome times. I don't want to live that life anymore. At times my resolve is strong, and at others it's a big mess. Constant perfectionism doesn't help much either, it just makes you hard on yourself and on others. I think the one thing you realize with age is that tenacity and perseverance trump almost any negative personality trait. Do something with much effort and time, and you're bound to end up in a better place. And take chances. It's ok to fall flat on your face. And it's ok if not everybody likes you.
It feels foolish that some people learn these things so late in life (or maybe I'm wrong and it's not that late). I've gained some optimism but everything ahead seems like a big question mark. How I pick up the pieces now is a big question mark. The best I can come up with is the tried and true "take it one step a time". I'm not sure why I even posted this on relationship_advice, probably belongs in /depression or something. I'd appreciate your thoughts anyways. Thanks in advance.