Losartan side effects in men

Last year Xbox alone had 18000 players on the Spring Mayhem leaderboard. This year there are only 20000 players on the joint leaderboard from BOTH Xbox and PlayStation who have an actual score.
I'm pretty convinced that they're just milking what's left of the game, all the power creep and the ramped up battlepass system.. half the items in the game can't be crafted and the gameplay is just terrible. Surely no new player would even consider playing this game for more than a week at the most.
I load up the game and play 5-10 matches and just stop playing, win or lose the gameplay is just awful. I remember when W + M1 was more of a joke than anything but now it's literally the best way to play, the best and most effective way to play the game is to barely put any thought into it.. add camera steering and you could literally play this game with 2 keys and a cursor.
Devs must not want player retention, instead settling for the small whale population and short term income instead. Even translating the Russian side of the forums (I had a link but it got the post hidden) they seem to complain about the same shit we do and how all the decisions are awful for the game and it's gameplay so it's not just that they don't listen to the English side of things.. they just don't listen to anyone.
Every match is just a clusterfuck of ramming and spamming, a huge arsenal of weapons and items and it's all made redundant.

Hello everybody,
I work in a college environment, essentially as an analyst. This is my first real IT job, and I've been here about 1 year, although I did do about 6 months doing security camera, VoIP, and cable installation before this.
We use a hybrid AD/Azure identity management system. My work is a variety of things like user management, helping with end-user support items, and then I get assigned random projects.
Some of the stuff I've worked on over the last year include:

1. Basic powershell scripting. Mostly just stuff that allows me to generate reports, delete old PCs, and automation of some app deployment.
   
2. Research into how are AD accounts are moved to azure. Also looked into helping plan how we can eventually transition to Azure only (or if its a priority).
   
3. I learned how to do Intune deployment. Nobody on my team really knows how to do this effectively, so I've sort of made myself an expert for this. I've set up a few configuration profiles, configured the apps for them, and done the troubleshooting. Also, have had to look into how to solve some of these issues that inevitably pop-up, and compare alternatives.
   
4. Write the odd report to help end users and departments get what they want, so that we/they can better communicate their needs to our department.
   
5. Renew website security certs.
   
6. Recable very messy server stacks.
   
7. Organized our entire inventory so that we stop losing things...
   

Probably more?
Anyways, I frequently am stuck waiting. I do a lot of work sometimes, and i still end up with nothing to do because our upper level people are too busy to keep us busy...
Does anybody have any suggestions on how I can better utilize my time? Certifications are fine, but I really dont want to waste my time/money on lame ones that wont really give me that much of a leg up.
I am open to upskilling, project proposal, and (useful) certifications. I'm even open to side jobs lol.
I just hate sitting here being bored and not feeling well-utilized.

I take Azstarys (ADHD stimulant) and my neurologist is suggesting I try Ajovy as my preventative but both him and my ADHD prescriber have mentioned high blood pressure warnings about both medications
I did just ask them both but no reply yet and I’d like to hear from fellow migraneurs
Did anyone try Aimovig / Ajovy / Emgality + an ADHD stimulant and end up discontinuing one out of the pairing because of high blood pressure?
Has anyone tried this combo and is still on it? Any side effects?
Thank you so much in advance!

I’m just so frustrated, I’ll start off by saying I’m a huge supporter of bc and absolutely see the value it holds for many women from a contraceptive and medical intervention perspective. For myself I had been on it for a decade and developed some negative side effects so decided to go off (my partner and I also want to start ttc in a few months). I’ve been off it for roughly a year now and while the negative side effects are gone I’ve had severe cramping problems, back pain, all starting 2 weeks before my period. I’ve also had rosacea develop, face flushing,and other things. I’ve met with both my pcp and obgyn and when I bring up doing hormonal testing, thyroid testing they scoff at it and basically say since my periods are coming regularly my hormones must be fine and refuse to do testing and just say to go on bc to resolve. I found research that metformin may be beneficial and talked to my obgyn about it and they said that they have seen some women benefit but they don’t prescribe it so to talk to my pcp and they can send a referral. So I did that today and my pcp like lost it on me and got really combative during the appointment that she would only prescribe it for diabetes and not for other potential benefits. Then they were like if your obgyn believes in it so much why don’t they prescribe it!? Idk they told me to talk to you???
I just feel at the end of my rope - my pcp today told me that some women just feel everything and I’m probably one of those people. No advice on how to manage or anything I just got to my car and cried. I really struggle mentally with the pelvic pain when it’s outside of my cycle and get pain in that area during sex and just feel no dr is taking it seriously or wants to help me figure it out.
Just want to vent - I’m sure others on here have similar experiences and would love input on ideas to get better support <3

heyy it all started in march 2023. I started a new friendship with a girl. We became very good friends in short time. As may 2023 came , i started feeling something for her , but i ignored it cause i was not sure for myself. In june 2023 , we got out end sem results of college and she got a drop due to many backs in her academics.
She was very low and i was there for her all the time. Legit her every friend left her in that situation but i was always there for her. We used to spend 4-5 hrs on calls. We used to meet everyday. She used to express herself infront of me. I used to give her comfort and all that she needed at that time. She was that low in her life that she was thinking of suicide. She was very depressed due to all the stuff which was happening in her life. Academic drop was only one but main reason but she also had other problems in her life.
Gradually we became bestie for each other. We used to share everything in our life with each other. We also had many fights between us which every relation has, in that i hurted her a lot. Ya but we used come close to each other even after many fights. Slowly Oct 2023 came and i was confirmed with my feelings till that time. but i was also sure that she doesn't feel anything for me, so i decided to not express my feelings.
But ya i started showing that in my behavior that i like her and people in our college started seeing that. Actually we only had relation of best friends but people started thinking that we dating. When this came in eyes of her , she asked me do i feel anything for her, i was not ready to accept it but ultimately i have to accept infornt of her that i love her. ( Feb 2024)
After that our friendship equation has changed. She doesn't talk that freely to me , we have not meet each other since 3 weeks , which is huge for us because we used to meet everyday or atleast one time in 3 days. I genuinely love her , but I'm ready to forget my feelings for our friendship. She mean a lot to me. Now we don't meet often , our calls have stopped. She is doing everything right still that X factor in our friendship is gone.
It is not like that i started feeling for her because i was there for her in everything. nor it was like i was feeling for her so that stayed there. i was there for her because she was my closest person and i can't leave my close people when they need me.
I only think like i done everything for her in her lowest point. I can't express how much i have done for her but handling a person who is in depression and dealing with suicidal thoughts is most difficult thing. and i have done that. She value everything that i did to her in that time. Her sentence were like i am a sunrise in her darkness. She express and told everything about her life in just 3-4 months. So there was a reason for it , she fealt that comfort around me that she expressed everything. We were very very and when i say this i mean very close and best friend of each other. i also did every possible thing for her , still now i can crying in my bedroom for her. Neither i got love nor my best friend.
currently we are good friends but still it is not like it was earlier. Just because i started feeling for her our friendship equation change. Like bro i did everything for her still how can our equation change. i am not forcing her to love me , that totally her side and i understand that, but i lost my bestie
and now due to her drop , she will be one batch junior to me , she will have new friends, her priorities will change , and because of our dating rumors we can't be together in our college. In short now can't be best friends again cause of her drop.
i don't know what to do. should i quite on our relation and friendship? which i don't want to but I'm full clueless what should i do she mean a lot to me , she is the best person i have in my life. Please if any girl can help me in this please help me how can i make things right between us. how can i get my old friendship back. i want to understand how girls think in this situation cause i did everything for her still now I'm struggling for best friendship.
There might be things which i couldn't express here in text in proper way but ya i know all men out there can understand what i mean in this whole text.

Hello Reddit, I am hopping on here to ask for some advice and maybe some motivation. I have been on Lexapro for almost 3 years now. During those three years I peeked my dose at about 40mg and have lowered it to 10mg during these past few months in preparation to stop taking the medicine all together. I want to stop taking the medicine because quite frankly I am tired of depending on it and I really want to feel drunk again. I have not felt drunk in the past 3 years, every time I drink since starting Lexapro all I feel is tired and irritated not matter how much or little I consume. I know alcohol isn’t important, but I personally wish I could’ve felt a little buzzed for my 21st birthday or new year’s. I have been slowly lowering my dose and extending the dose period for about 4 months now. In the begging of the process, I would get bad head zaps and feel depressed if I missed a single day. Now I have been able to successfully not take it in intervals of 4-5 days without bad side effects until the day of the next dose (the 4th or 5th day.) So last week I decided that maybe I could just fully stop now that the dose periods have extended so much. On the 6th , 7th, 8th day of not taking it I got the absolute worst depression I have received in a very long time. I have not been this depressed since before I started taking Lexapro 3 years ago. I went into a very dark place, but I really wanted to push through it to finally be off Lexapro. However, seeing how concerned my partner was for me I decided to take Lexapro again on the 8th day and I felt better again. My question is am I just going to have to take Lexapro for the rest of my life? Has anyone successfully gotten off Lexapro? Will I always be depressed if I am not taking these meds? The thought of taking medicine for the rest of my life makes me really regret ever starting it. If so, please share words of wisdom.
tl;dr, I've been on Lexapro for almost three years now, gradually reducing my dosage from 40mg to 10mg as I prepare to stop taking it entirely. I've been feeling frustrated because whenever I drink alcohol, I don't get the buzz anymore; instead, I just feel tired and irritated. I've been slowly extending the intervals between doses over the past few months, but when I tried to stop completely, I experienced severe depression after about a week. It was the worst I've felt in a long time, even worse than before I started taking Lexapro Despite wanting to tough it out and be off Lexapro, seeing how concerned my partner was for me made me start taking it again, and I felt better. I'm now wondering if I'll have to take Lexapro for the rest of my life, if anyone has successfully stopped taking it, and if I'll always be depressed without it. The idea of relying on medication forever makes me regret ever starting it. If anyone has advice or words of wisdom, I'd really appreciate it.

Here is a curated baker’s dozen of new developments and studies in the land of people who still care about Covid. Almost no one is treating patients with metformin when they are sick, but please note the results of the COVID-OUT study showing a whopping 42% reduction in long COVID rates for those average risk patients treated with this generic, repurposed medicine. GI side effects aside, why aren’t people doing this more? They probably don’t know, and it’s easier to be passive:
https://mccormickmd.substack.com/p/april-in-covidlandia

I took my first 1.5 mg dose around 4 pm yesterday. I felt really sleepy from 5:30 to 7:30 but in a good way. Going forward I will take it around 8 PM. I decided to take the dose early yesterday so I could get a feel for if there would be any side effects and see how it might affect sleep patterns. I didnt experience any negative side effects except feeling sleepy for a couple hrs.
After the first dose yesterday at 430...I powered through the sleepiness and went to bed about 930.. fell asleep soundly by 11(normal for me) and slept deeply through the night(woke at 620am..normal).
I did not have vivid dreams although I do recall multiple nocturnal erections which I was hoping and praying for🙏 I also had my first AM erection (after waking) in 8 months(see backstory below on why this is important).
This morning I have felt clear headed and reasonably rested. I am looking forward to the doses ahead and hope they bring some much needed healing. I havent felt any anxiety this morning and probably could have skipped my usual cup of coffee(felt better without it). I will update in a few days as to how the LDN is working.
Back story on trying LDN: LDN was a big decision for me and a last resort so to speak. I have been working very hard this past year to let my brain and body heal after a horrible experience with a plant called Kratom. I was definitely wary of taking anything that might set me back in my recovery but I had a hunch something was still off with my receptors in both gut and brain. I am still suffering PAWS symptoms at close to 400 days post quit from the Kratom.
During use and after quitting the Kratom I experienced muting of sexual function/libido, ED, significant hair loss, anhedonia, numbness, tinnitus, memory issues, low energy/fatigue waves, gut mobility issues/diarrhea, insomnia(finally started getting 5-6 hrs sleep by month 8 after quitting).
It has been a challenging first year of recovery(the first 3 months were truly hellish) ...but I knew something was still off with my HPA axis even in these past few months.
All my hormones and thyroid levels were tested as normal range including prolactin/estrogen/testosterone. I am a TRT patient, so my levels are in the optimum range. I do not take any other medications or drugs. I drink less than 1-2x per month socially and had no history of past drug abuse(other than some pot and nicotine). I havent used marijuana in 6 months and was only an occasional user before. No ssri or other similar RX history in the past decade.
In regard to libido/sleep: I had very high libido prior to Kratom and would drive my wife nuts. Now she misses it and I have to use Viagra once a week. I have zero passion/lust... almost like a wire has been cut. Its like I can remember what I use to be like, but I cant connect back to that physical rush/feeling. I want to have sex but the drive is mostly based on memory. I love my wife so very much and I miss that sponaneous passion.
In the past year since quitting (with ebb and flow)..normally upon waking a low level adrenal surge would hit and an overall feeling of numbness would continue during the day(low to zero sexual desire or function). It was odd because some nights while asleep I would have half mast erections, occasionally full erections, but always complete sexual muting after waking(brain balance off).
I suffered 100's of nights with debilitating insomnia while tapering and after quitting Kratom. I had to find a level of peace and acceptance after experiencing this, or face losing some of my sanity. Thankful sleep has at least returned to 5-6 hrs although prior to Kratom I could sleep for 7-9 hrs and take a nap later that day. My sleep cycle has absolutely changed but I am seeing progress every month back toward baseline.
I have felt deeply that my sleep and libido returning to as near normal are key in my final stages of healing. I am hoping that healing my receptors in both gut/brain helps toward this recovery.
Hopefully this info helps someone who is going through a similar experience(sorry if you are as it truly sucked).
I will post updates as days progress and Im feeling hopeful today that I might be on the right track.
Way too early to tell but I am encouraged at not having adverse sides so far(was worried about nausea, headache insomnia). The first dose felt like it was something my body needed and also that it was just barely enough to have some effect.
Hopefully the next few weeks bring some good results.🙏

If Professor X isn't going to be able to use his powers on Magneto, I'd prefer it to be because of his brain waves being messed up by his magnetic powers or something. Ideally I'd prefer that it just be a principle of Professor X to not control people unless he felt it absolutely necessary.
What I've never liked and blame Bryan Singer for (although it's obviously not the worse thing he's done) is making it that Magneto created a 'special helmet' to block telepathy and tbh I'm really disappointed in the comics and X-men 97 for bringing it in. It effectively makes telepathy like f**king wi-fi. They might as well tell Professor X he needs to be away from the corners or the room and electrical appliances in order to get the best telepathy signal.
I much preferred it when I was a kid and thought Magneto wore the helmet because he was a feisty queen and wanted to look fierce.
Don't get me started on Magneto controlling people through the trace amount of metals in their body either.
(I know Juggernaut's helmet blocked telepathy but given that his helmet exists because of a magic gem, I give that a pass. I don't care if you think that's ridiculous. It's all ridiculous.)

As I’ve gotten older my PCOS symptoms have worsened dramatically. I got diagnosed at 18 when I went in for period pain and bleeding and hair loss I’m now 23 with all of the same symptoms and nothing getting better. I went from having few breakouts that I could manage very easily to having all of my go to products stop working for me or making it worse since then. Not a single product has worked long term the longest one was tretinoin and now it’s stopped working for me.
I’m on a hormonal IUD and the pill to help prevent large cysts from forming on my remaining ovary. I’ve had two emergency surgeries due to ruptured cysts and internal bleeding and unfortunately lost one. So I have to be on birth control without a doubt. I had my daughter in Sept of 2022 and about a year after I had her my skin was the worst it had EVER been in my life. Now it’s returning back and I don’t know what to do :) I keep spending money on product after product just for it to make it worse.
Most of my doctors and GYNOS have all said there isn’t much to be done, I’m to young to really be complaining, or just wait alittle longer and see if it gets better I’m tired of it.
My mom gave me a bottle of her Spironolactone 50mg but I’m afraid to take them due to the side effects.
I was wondering if ANYONE has any recommendations on products for natural remedies that you had had work for you personally or routines? Diet? Would it be OK to take these pills without doctor orders? I’m so tired of PCOS wrecking my health and my appearance AND my lifestyle. My appearance was the one thing it had left alone for the most part until the last couple years.

Looking for Hi-Fi Rush, am willing to do multiple keys for it.
Humble Bundle: (Region: EUROPE!)
2Dark
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BASEMENT
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Hi everyone! I'm(f29) a long time lurker but wanted to share my experience with the IUD, specifically Skyla.
Insertion: Going in, I remember being very anxious as all of my friends saying how painful it was. I communicated with my provider I was nervous and she was great, helping me to relax and talking with me throughout the procedure. She was telling me step by step what she was doing. For me, it wasn't that painful like a 3/10. I mostly felt pressure and cramps but for context my usual cramps can be very painful like an 7-8/10 to the point of taking ibuprofen. After the insertion, I had spotting and cramps but nothing some ibuprofen, heating pad, and laying down couldn't help. I had continued spotting for a month and a half until it stopped.
2 year experience so faside effects: I've had SKYLA for 2 years so far and my two major side effects are acne and weight gain. I had relatively clear face with one pimple a month around my period but now I have constant pimples (2-3) lingering on the side of my chin. I had a pimple on my temple and cheek which I haven't had since college. I'm seeing a dermatologist again and whilst some may think this is dramatic, I fought acne since i was 8 all the way to beginning college. The other side effect was weight gain. I was 125lbs prior to the IUD and now I range from 142-148lbs and cannot seem to lose any weight. I've done cardio, strength training and even intermittent fasting and cannot get back to my pre-IUD weight.
The pros about the IUD are not having to remember to take the pill, the peace of mind of not getting pregnant, and after a year and a half of having the IUD my periods completely stopped.
Would I get the IUD again? I'm leaning to yes just because I don't want to get pregnant, but I really don't like the acne and weight gain and would love to see if it's only because of the IUD.

Chapter 1 People are so…. Social. I grew up in a small town in Arizona and I’ve always loved the peace and quiet. But as I aged, graduating high school and spending a restless summer trying to divine what a broke carpenters son could do with his life (and probably drinking and smoking too much.) the small town gossip really started to wear on me. I’ve never been a social butterfly, preferring to mind my own business and let others mind theirs. But in a small town that’s a luxury you can’t afford. Everyone there has watched you mature from a scrawny kid with a stutter to a quiet but confident young man and, as such, feel that they have some obligation to be sure that your life is going to go in the right direction. There’s only so many questions a 19 year old can take about a lack of college and girlfriends. Only so many conversations following the familiar lines of “well you know, college is there to prove to employers you can show up at the same time and place for 4 years.” Or “don’t rush it, I found my wife when I finally gave up on looking!” Or, most aggravating “God works in mysterious ways!” (No shit Barbara, he’s an unknowable, omnipotent entity and you sell Sephora.(Don’t you have a bland youth group sermon to give?) I guess this is my way of explaining why I left my hometown so hastily the beautiful autumn after graduation. My folks were pleased to see I was going to “find myself.” As my mother so romantically put it. They hoped I’d find some kind of inspiration out on life’s grand highway. My dad chuckled, his eyes full of memories from the days he was young and free, a youthful joy that even 25 years in construction couldn’t dampen. “Go sow your wild oats son! Just remember you’ll reap them in the end.” He said, a mischievousness that was rare for him lightening the words. That is how I came to be here, in Golden Meadow, Louisiana. “Arizona plates? Well ain’t you a long way from home?” The deep southern drawl, by now familiar to me after a week of driving through Louisiana, cut through a perfectly quiet morning. Great. A socialite. Why did I have to choose the south for this roadtrip? I forced a polite smile and turned to face dreaded small talk as I began pumping my gas. “That’s right!” As I spoke I sized up my new best friend. A short, profusely sweating man stood before me. He must have been about 5’ 5”, well below my respectable height of 6’. His hair, greasy but trimmed nicely, his sheriffs hat…. Fuck. This is a cop. “Sheriff E. Gore, pleased to meet you!” He drawled again, his accent, I noted, more Texas than Cajun. He extended a sweaty hand, which I took as a good sign. (The law usually isn’t so friendly to suspicious people.) I shook his hand, surprised by the strength that this somewhat rotund sheriff had, his grip strong but measured. I returned his introduction. “David Lawrence.” “What brings you down to our little town son?” I took a deliberate look around before I answered, my gaze sweeping over the small gas station, the almost empty street, the abandoned buildings, a liquor store and a dilapidated dollar general. “Just passing through.” It probably wouldn’t take long, I thought to myself. I could see most of town from where I was. My gaze returned to Sheriff Gore, and I realized he was staring at me hard, gauging me for something. “I’m on a bit of a roadtrip.” I added, trying to remove his focus from my arms. “Well built aren’t ya?” The Sheriff said. Jesus, what a way to start a conversation with a stranger. I forced through the awkwardness. “Yessir.” Forced grin, wishing my gas would pump faster. “I try to stay active.” The Sheriff’s attentive gaze and fixed smile never strayed from me. “How nice! You know, you should stick around town awhile, we’ve got lots to offer!” I decided to myself that I didn’t like the Sheriff, my earlier thought that he likely wasn’t suspicious since he was so friendly now giving way to the feeling that he was too friendly. I gritted my teeth. “I really would, but I’m trying to make it to New Orleans.” I said, maintaining my politely measured tone. I had no interest in staying in this town. “That’s such a shame.” The Sheriff said, his voice betraying disappointment. “It’s a lovely town, it really is.” I was saved from my own awkward response to his too-friendly, begging statement by his radio crackling loudly from his cruiser, parked outside the gas station convenience store. The words, unintelligible to me, evidently made sense to Gore, as he swung around and strolled back to his cruiser. He was oddly quick for a guy of his stature. “Well, good luck on the road Lawrence.” He shouted over his shoulder as he left. “Be careful on the roads and come visit us again real soon!” I shook off the bile-like aftertaste of Gore’s stare and went back to doing what I do best. Minding my own damn business. I wouldn’t be in town long. What I’d told the Sheriff was true. I was headed to New Orleans. My red ‘69 mustang and I were scheduled to enjoy a beautiful city, far from the normal tourist season, here in early October. The food, the music, the bars, all promised to be excellent and uncrowded, allowing a drifting 19 year old a place to breathe and make decisions. Maybe I’d find some work and stay awhile. Or I’d stay a week and then continue “Dave’s Grand Tour” as I’d taken to calling my trip. The idea of Dave’s Grand Tour was simple; find a place that speaks to me. I had no interest in college, as I’d found during high school that an enterprising young man could make a good bit of money just by taking opportunities when they come. I’d worked at a county fair, for the railroad and for local farmers and ranchers and I had found that there were lots of ways to make money. And I didn’t want to tie myself to a career. After all, my dad had built a pretty great life doing carpentry, something that didn’t take much time to learn. (Of course I’d already learned, from helping him.) I contemplated these things as I pulled out of the filling station and back onto the road. Not much farther to New Orleans. As I drove through town, past a small town mechanic, a diner and a tidy row of houses, I almost felt bad for leaving. This town was clearly dying. Empty buildings, boarded windows and beat up cars told the story of a town in decline. The coastal fishing village was picturesque though, and its people were friendly and polite. With the exception of Sheriff E. Gore. What the hell was that guys prob.. I was tore from my thoughts as the unmistakable sound of a popped tire hissed above the growl of my car. “Shit.” I muttered, pulling over to assess the damage. The damage, as it turned out, was extensive and likely expensive. The ‘stang was equipped with beautiful whitewall tires, painstakingly sourced by my grandfather during the restoration I had helped him with during his final years. Cancer is a bitch, especially when you’re 72. He had handled it well though, and had the car (as well as some of his savings) to me when he passed. Grandma had gone ahead of him some years before. I reiterate, cancer is a bitch. And now my beautiful car was down two tires, both passenger side whitewalls punctured by a myriad of screws and nails. I stared in disbelief. Wandering back down the road I found their source, an overturned coffee tin which was clearly some tradesman’s “spare shit” bin. Shaking my head and muttering expletives I strolled back to my car. Of course I had a spare in the trunk, and all the tools to change a tire, but who carts a second spare tire around? Still muttering words I could never let my mother hear, I searched on my phone for the number to the mechanic I had passed, finding an oddly polished website. JP’s machine and tire shop had someone tech savvy on the payroll. And they were punctual. Less than 15 minutes later I was standing on the concrete shop floor, watching JP himself remove my tires. “Lord, you’ve had some bad luck!” He boomed. I’d decided I liked JP. He was a big man, with a tanned face and forearms, betraying many days spent on the sun-soaked waters of the bay. “How in gods name did you manage to get this many holes in such nice tires?” I laughed. “I’m Gods strongest soldier I guess.” JP roared out a laugh. Laughter came easy to him it seemed. “There’s good news and bad news.” He said, awhile later. I’d quietly sat in a comfy chair in the shops waiting area, reading, while he focused on his work. “What’s the bad news?” I asked. “You’ve got to wait two days for new tires.” JP replied. I’d figured as much. What kind of small town auto shop would have whitewalls for a 1969 mustang just lying around. “Good news is, I got you a helluva deal on them. Buddy of mine runs a classics restoration shop in Orleans. He’ll send a truck to deliver your tires, but he’s short handed, thus the wait.” This was excellent (and intriguing) news. I’d expected the wait to be much longer, and the cost to be higher. As JP broke down my bill, explaining the pricing, I couldn’t help but feel pretty lucky, all things considered. I paid JP (thank you Grandpa) and wandered out into the Golden Meadow sunshine, my backpack slung over my shoulder.
Chapter 2 It was a damn fine evening on the bayou. I was paddling along between small islands overgrown with thick river reeds, in a kayak I’d rented from a local fishing guide named Sam. I’d spent the afternoon fishing from the kayak, with a breakdown rod I kept in my backpack. Now, as the sun was sinking low, turning the water orange and pink in the dying light, I paddled gently back to town. As I made it to the dock where Sam had told me to leave the kayak (very trusting fellow, Sam was) I heard faint music. It grew louder as I came closer to the dock. A myriad of fishing vessels, speedboats and jet skis obscured it as I drew close. But as I tied the kayak in place at Sam’s dock, I made out the lyrics. I recognized the song. Brown Haired Blue Eyed Baby, by JD Clayton. Excellent song. That was when I saw her. Standing on a tall fishing boat at the next dock over. She. Was. Breathtaking. With dark brown hair and a deep tan, she looked to be about my age. She was coiling a rope, faced away from me, singing along to the music. I suddenly realized I was staring, not saying anything, and she had no idea I was there. Realizing that this could be a bad look for me, I cast my eyes downward and dropped my backpack onto the dock, letting it fall heavily. I glanced up as she swung around, pretending I hadn’t seen her until now. “Oh, hey!” I said, a bit too loudly. After a pause she returned the greeting somewhat cautiously. “Hey.” Words failed me. She had turned to face me now and I saw her eyes for the first time. They were a vivid blue, that reflected the light from the water, even as the sun sank. I had a sudden burst of confidence, thinking to myself that worst case scenario, e.g. rejection, I could always just leave in two days and never see her again. “Hey, listen, this might be a little too bold, but you are incredibly pretty.” I said, the words rushing from my mouth. She seemed shocked, and for a second I thought she was disgusted. Then her cheeks flushed and I realized she was blushing. I pushed on. “Sorry, sorry, that was probably a little too much, I’m so..” she cut me off with a laugh. Damn, even her laugh was cute. “It’s okay!” She exclaimed, breathlessly. “you just surprised me, that’s all.” I smiled broadly. She returned the smile. “I’m Dave.” I said, somewhat sheepishly. Extending a hand upwards to her perch on the boat. Still smiling she took it and said “I’m Emmy Lou.” Emmy Lou and I ended up talking for almost an hour as the sun disappeared and the moon shone brightly upon us. She told me about her life, growing up a local in this small town, working on one of Sam’s guide boats. I told her about Arizona, the summer I spent restoring my mustang (I mostly just wanted her to know I had a cool car), and all about Dave’s Grand Tour. She was sweet, a good listener, but she seemed tough, a girl who knew how to handle herself, even at 18. She was still living with her parents, saving up to move out. “Where will you go?” I asked her. “When you move out I mean.” She shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t really thought that far ahead. Maybe to Texas? I’ve always wanted to be a cowgirl.” I grinned. “You’d certainly make a good one.” I replied. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” She exclaimed in a joking manner. Her and I had fallen into a rhythm of teasing and joking very easily. I laughed as I replied in protest, “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that! You just seem to be naturally good at most things you try.” She blushed again. It was almost a familiar sight to me now. She broke eye contact. She generally had to be the first one to do so, since I seemed to be frozen every time I looked in her eyes. “Listen.” She said, standing up. “This has been a lot of fun, but I’ve gotta get home. My folks will be worried.” I stood as well. “Oh, alright.” I couldn’t hide my disappointment. “Hey, I’ll be around town tomorrow, since my tires won’t be in. Maybe I could see you around?” She looked down at her toes and said quietly “I’d like that.” We wished each other good night and went our separate ways, her to her parents place and me to a quiet motel room near the mechanic, a 20 minute walk away. I was almost to the motel when the light flashed across me. It was a flashlight beam, coming from the sidewalk in front of me. I froze. “Well hey there son!” Came a long southern drawl. “Decided to stay in town after all?” For some reason, the Sheriffs voice made my skin crawl. What made it worse was him shining the light in my face. It made it impossible to see him. I squinted hard. “Hey Sheriff. Yeah I’m in town for a couple days more.” Before I could continue (ask him to stop blinding me) he jumped in. “Now what’s held you up young fella. Car trouble?” He said. I paused. There was something about the way he asked the question that I didn’t like. Like he already knew the answer. “Yeah, how did you..” “Oh damn me!” He interrupted, not acknowledging my question at all. “I forgot!” He finally stopped shining the light in my eyes. (Hallelujah.) As my eyes readjusted to the dimly lit sidewalk, the flashlight now pointing down, the sheriff said “This here’s Mr. Wellers.” A deep new voice, clearly articulated “Hello Mr. Lawrence, the Sheriffs told me a lot about you.” I raised my eyes to meet this newcomers and was startled. In stark contrast to the Sheriff, Mr. Wellers was tall, well built and spoke with no accent. He had brown eyes, perfectly trimmed and combed blonde hair and was wearing… a lab coat? I blinked, my brain trying to process. All I could think to say was “Mister? Not….. doctor?” I thought it might be an offensive question at first, as the Sheriff looked at me reproachably and Mr. Wellers cast his eyes downward as if embarrassed. “I uhhhhh… used to be. My license was revoked.” Wow. There’s a rabbit hole I don’t need to go down within seconds of meeting this man. “Oh I’m so sorry” I said lamely. “That sucks.” “You’re damn right it does.” Growled out Gore. He seemed more offended over my apparent faux pa than his friend. “He was my personal doctor for many years. He’s a damned fine doctor too!” “E.” Mr. Wellers said quietly. “It’s alright.” This interaction had passed into the realm of the surreal. I had no idea why these two were out alone together after dark, and frankly I didn’t want to know. (Once again, minding my own business.) “Right… well it was good to see you, and nice meet you Dr. I mean… Mr. Wellers.” I cringed at my own words. God, just let me out of this conversation. “And a pleasure meeting you as well young man!” Said Mr. Wellers. I felt bad. He seemed like such a normal, reasonable guy when compared to Gore. “By the way.” His deep voice rang out again as I moved down the street. “What’s your blood type?” My brain malfunctioned. “My… uhm… what?” I struggled for words. “Blood type!” He exclaimed. Seeing the confusion in my eyes he elaborated. “We’re having a blood drive tomorrow.” (Oh hallelujah lord, thank god this guy doesn’t want to steal my blood.) “we could really use all we can get, you know. Being in a remote place like Golden Meadows it’s important we have a little extra on hand.” His tone put me at rest once more. “I’m O negative.” I said. “Universal donor. If I’ve got time tomorrow I’ll stop by.” I said it mostly to placate him and get out of the conversation faster. But his tone as he thanked me profusely, as well as the obvious gratitude in his doe brown eyes made me actually want to go help. I resolved myself to actually stop by and donate tomorrow. Might as well right? Not like I’ve got anything else to do. I finally made it to my hotel room and by the time I was cleaned up and in bed I had almost forgotten about the awkward demeanor of the pair. Although the Sheriff still made me hellishly uncomfortable. He had a way of staring at you like you were a snack he was about to eat. I shuddered, decided not to think about that anymore and rolled over, thinking of Emmy Lou and the possibilities of tomorrow.
Chapter 3 I was having some difficulty finding Emmy. I’d been down to the dock, had breakfast at the cafe, wandered the town and even hung out in the bait and tackle shop Sam run in conjunction with his guide business. No sign of her. I was checking out an enormous tarpon mounted above some fly rods when Sam’s voice floated over to me. “She’s out on the boat.” I heard the mirth in his voice and turned to face him. He was behind the counter, tying a huge streamer, round glasses perched precariously on the end of his long nose. He was an older man, maybe 50, with a bald head, strong hands and several old school tattoos, harkening back to his days in the navy. He looked over his glasses at me, his heavy eyebrows raised and a cheeky smile on his face. “She didn’t stop talking about you until they left.” He said. “Oh.” I blushed heavily. Looking back it must have been pretty obvious that I wasn’t there for hooks or spinning lures. “When will she be back?” I said, deciding not to hide my true motives. “Sunset.” He said. “Maybe sooner if they catch a big bait of red drum.” I nodded. “Thank you.” I said, and I meant it. I had been going crazy, cursing myself for not getting her number at least. But now my hope was restored. She’d be back. And then I could see her again. I headed towards the door. “Hey kid.” Sam called. I turned back to him. He had his glasses in his hand now, and he was looking at me with his full attention. “Yes sir?” “Don’t hurt her. She’s an angel and we’re all pretty protective of her.” I nodded. Sam was surely referring to his crew of fishermen and guides, a tough group of seamen, some of whom I’d met yesterday while they were gearing up for the afternoon. I definitely didn’t want to get on their bad side. Now it was Sam’s turn to nod. “Good.” Was all he said as he turned back to his work. I wandered back down the boardwalk into town, wondering how I would kill the long hours until sunset, when I saw the Sheriffs squad car. It was parked outside the small town hospital, and suddenly I remembered our awkward conversation last night. The blood drive! There’s a good way to kill an afternoon in the quietest town on the planet. I strolled across to the hospital, and walked through the sliding doors (the only set in town.) “Mr. Lawrence!” Mr. Wellers greeted me enthusiastically. “Glad to see you my boy!” People in this town sure get familiar fast. “Hey Mr. Wellers, where do I go for the blood drive?” The once-doctor directed me to his exam room. “I’ll just need to give you a checkup, make sure you’re in good shape to donate.” It seemed odd that he had an exam room, since he had no medical license. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard of getting a checkup before blood donation, but I shrugged it off as another oddity of Golden Meadows. Weird Sheriff, too-friendly strangers and the most beautiful girl (I believed.) in the south. This town was a trip. Mr. Wellers was talkative as he took my blood pressure, temperature, stared down my throat and peered into my eyes and ears, writing notes on his clipboard as he spoke. “You’re in damn fine health young man.” I knew I was. Years of physical activity and decent genetics (thanks dad.) kept me strong and healthy. I rarely got sick, played football through high school and never seemed bothered by sweltering Arizona heat, something that had benefited me greatly in the humid southern states. Mr. Wellers asked questions about all of these things. He seemed genuinely interested and I got the feeling he was asking more for his own curiosity than any official reason. “Well son,” he was saying now. “You’re the picture of health.” “Thanks.” I replied. “So where do I go to donate.” “Actually,” he said, a bit too quickly. “We’ve had a lot of donations today, far more than expected.” “Oh, so you don’t want me to donate?” I was confused. He’d made it seem like they seriously needed more donations. I brushed it off. Over-selling a problem did make sense. Sometimes it was the only way to get things done in a small town. “No no, we’d still love for you to donate!” He said, once again speaking quickly. “Just give me some time to make my preparations! He smiled, kindly. “Alright… “ I said, at a loss. This seemed so weird, I was beginning to get a bad feeling. Were Mr. Wellers motivations entirely… pure? He seemed to be trying to achieve something with his interactions with me, although I wasn’t sure what. “Well, I guess I’ll stop by later then.” I said, my voice laden with confusion. Mr. Wellers pretended not to notice, uttering vague complacencies as he sent me on my way. I stepped back out of the hospital, vaguely wondering why I hadn’t seen a single living soul inside besides Mr. Wellers. The reception desk had been empty since I came in, the intercom was quiet and I saw no nurses, doctors or patients. I’m starting to really hate the emptiness of this town. I wonder if my tires had come in…
Chapter 4 After a snack from the convenience store and a stop by JP’s to see my car I was wandering town again, aimlessly. The sheriff had driven past twice, smiling at me through his squad car window unblinkingly. I wondered what had happened to him in his life for his social behavior to be so odd. Maybe he had a bad childhood or was raised by an alligator or something. That would explain the toothy smiles and the never-blinking at least. It was about 2 o’clock. JP had assured me my tires would be in tomorrow, which suited me okay. I was almost hesitant to leave, since Emmy Lou was still in town and good lord knows I had an interest in her. Goodness she was fine. I was walking down the street, not really paying attention to anything going on, listening to in thoughts of Emmy. Her hair, her eyes, her walk, she walked… right behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. “Hey Dave!” I spun around, my mind returning guiltily from the gutter. “Emmy! Sam said you wouldn’t be off the boat until sundown!” “We limited out. What can I say, I’m just that good.” she spread her arms in a kind of proud shrug, a sarcastic-cocky smile on her face. I smiled too. She had that effect on me. “Hey, I realized I never got your number!” She looked surprised. “You want it?” Now I was surprised. “I… yeah, I really do. I mean, I think you’re great and I don’t want to lose contact when I…” the air around us suddenly felt heavier. I was suddenly nervous. Had I misjudged her interest? Did she see me as some passerby, a very temporary friend? A smile cautiously returned to her face. “You can have my number.” She said. “But if you move back to Arizona forever I’m not going to text you back.” Thank god. I thought I’d totally dropped the bag. “Deal.” I said, smiling once more. Emmy and I spent the afternoon talking as we saw the meager sights in town. We had an ice cream at the cafe, (rocky road for me, strawberry for her.) stopped by the mechanic (I really wanted to show off the car.) and then wandered out to the towns hiking path. Half a mile down the coast, down a dirt road, it was a great spot to be alone. I was promising Emmy a proper date once my car was running and she was laughing at me. “Sonic is not a real date.” She said through giggles. “Sonic is the perfect date. It’s like going to a restaurant but you don’t have to see any people.” I replied, playing up my anti-socialism to seem quirky, and praying it was working. As we reached the trailhead I heard the now familiar sound of the Sheriffs car on the road behind us. He wasn’t smiling this time. He watched us as we silently walked onto the trail. “Jesus, this dude is everywhere.” I muttered, as the trees began to obscure him from view. Emmys brow furrowed. (God she looked cute when she did that.) “What do you mean? He just sits at the cafe usually.” She said. “Wait, what?” Now my brow furrowed. “I’ve seen him all over town today. It’s like he’s following me.” “Maybe he thinks you’re trouble.” She teased. I shook my head. “Maybe. He’s been weirdly polite to me ever since we met.” Emmy shrugged. “Southern charm I guess. He’s a weird guy.” “Yeah he is. It feels like he’s” I made my voice as provocative as I could. “Checking me out.” I mocked a sexy stance. Emmy thought I was hilarious. She laughed and slapped my chest gently, her hand resting against me. Suddenly the air was heavy again. Her cheeks turned red but her hand stayed on my chest. My hands rested comfortably on her hips. This is as close as we’d been. Our eyes locked, her bright blue meeting my gentle brown. We stood there for a long time.
Chapter 5 The best part of road-tripping? Besides actually tripping, as I’d done in White Sands, New Mexico and a secluded beach in Texas. Sleeping in. My hotel room was perfect. I’d spent a lot of nights on Dave’s Grand Tour camping under the stars and it was amazing. But it wasn’t better than sleeping until noon on a thick mattress with the A/C blasting. I couldn’t have asked for a better night’s rest to end my trip in Golden Meadows. As I walked down to JP’s shop I reflected on the small towns impact on me. I was happy. JP was sitting in a rocking chair with his shop doors wide open. My car was next to him, four whitewall tires underneath. “Wondered when you’d be by.” Boomed JP. “Truck came this morning, she’s all ready for you.” His broad grin rippled across his face as he watched me inspect his work approvingly. “Thanks JP, this is amazing.” He nodded graciously as I tossed my backpack in the trunk. “Hey JP?” He noted my tone become more business-like and focused his eyes on me seriously. “Yessir?” He asked, his curiosity apparent. “That friend, the one with the restoration shop. Is he hiring?” JP’s eyebrows shot skyward. “Well son, I believe he is. You looking for work?” I nodded. “I’m thinking about settling down somewhere in the area, staying for a while.” JP grinned broadly again, his eyes betraying a secret. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with little miss Emmy Lou would it?” I blushed heavily. JP had watched Emmy and I as I showed her my car, explaining all the places I’d repaired and restored. He’d been grinning then too. “Well” JP’s voice returned to business and his eyebrows returned to their resting place. “Based on what I’ve seen of your work.” He gestured to the mustang. “I’d be willing to put in a good word with him.” “Thanks JP. I really do appreciate it.” And I did. The point of Dave’s Grand Tour was to find a place I could call home. And it was beginning to seem that I’d found it. I was on the road now, headed to New Orleans. JP had set up an interview for me with his friend and I was hopeful that it would work out. I’d been on the road about an hour, listening to music and texting Emmy, (don’t text and drive kids.) when I got the call. A blocked number. I didn’t answer the first three. But I finally decided it wasn’t scammers or something when the fourth call came, seconds after I’d sent the third to voicemail. “Hello?” I said. “Hello there Lawrence.” Came the Sheriffs voice, low and dripping with anger. “I have someone here who wants to talk to you.” “What the… what’s this all” I was cut off by Emmy’s voice. “Dave? Dave?!” There was panic in her tone and she sounded like she’d been crying. The brakes on the mustang squealed as my muscles responded on their own. I had turned around and was flying back to Golden Meadows as fast as the thought crossed my mind. “What is this?” I yelled. “Emmy what’s happening?!” Gores voice came crackling through the phone. “Meet me at Mr. Wellers office. Sundown.” And the line clicked off before I could answer. What was happening? “Oh god, oh god.” I said shakily as I pushed the mustang to new speeds. What was happening? What did the Sheriff want? Why did he have Emmy Lou?!
Chapter 6 GRAPHIC CONTENT. GRAPHIC CONTENT. DO NOT READ IF SQUEAMISH. I WARNED YOU. That was the longest drive of my life. I’d driven from Arizona to Louisiana, crossed Texas end to end in that car, but this drive was the worst. I was panicking. My tires slid easily as I gunned the engine, turning into the hospital parking lot. I stopped right in front of the doors and left the engine running as I sprinted headlong through them, barely giving them time to open. “GORE!” I yelled as I stepped into the lobby. “GORE WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” The lights were off, the air desperately still as I spun, looking every direction. Gore showed himself. He looked smug, his service pistol pressed against Emmys temple, her arm locked in his vice-like left hand. “There you are boy.” His thick accent dripped venom. “I didn’t find the perfect specimen just to let it slip away.” My mind reeled. Specimen? What was happening? And why did he have Emmy? What WAS this? Before I could collect my thoughts he spoke again, Emmy shaking in his grip, wordless, staring at me helplessly. “There’s a rag on the counter. Put it over your mouth and breathe in.” “What?” Why are you doing this?!” I said, the air in my lungs seemingly not enough to yell. “DO IT.” The Sheriff screamed, his face turning red. “DO IT OR I WILL SHOOT HER, SHOOT YOU AND HAUL YOUR LIFELESS BODY TO THE O.R.” His voice shook with rage, every syllable seeming to enrage him further. “Okay! Okay, I’ll do it.” I walked to the counter, my hands up, palms forward. I took the rag, placed it over my mouth and nose and breathed deeply. “Wake up Lawrence!” Came a singsong voice, breaking through my sleeping mind. “Waaaake upppp.” My eyelids were heavy. So heavy. I forced them up. Blue eyes stared down at me. Was that… Mr. Wellers? I tried to sit up, tried to speak, tried to move. I couldn’t. Mr. Wellers looked overjoyed. “Ahh the serum worked! Total paralysis, with a fully functioning mind!” His eyes. What was wrong with his eyes? Were they always… “I bet you’re wondering what’s happening to you.” Mr. Wellers said, his tone jovial. “You see Dave, I didn’t lie, we do desperately need donations. Just not blood.” He was holding… my eyes struggled to focus on the shining silver tool. A scalpel? “No no, we need far more precious donations.” A searing pain shot across my chest. Was he cutting into me?! He was staring at my chest as his hands worked, out of my view. The pain was unbearable. I couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, couldn’t even tense my body against the pain. Instead, my mind screamed, the searing feeling of a cold blade tracing below my ribs blocking all thought. “You know, I started the practice of organ transplants.” I heard Wellers speak as if underwater. “That was long before even your parents were born.” The cutting subsided, leaving a sharp ache that made me pray I’d black out. “I’ve been replacing parts as they get wore out ever since. A kidney here, a hand there. Much like you do with that car of yours.” His eyes met mine. Why were they… “of course, I need constant donations for this lifestyle.” He was speaking so calmly. “And you’ve got some shiny parts in here.” My stomach. What was he doing? “Like this lovely one here!” I felt a tugging sensation in my gut and Wellers voice faded away. Those eyes. My last thought made me wish I was dead. Those eyes. They weren’t his. They were Emmy’s. I don’t know how long it was before I awoke. But when I did I could move. I was in a stupor. All I saw were blurs. My body seemed to move on its own accord. I heard crying. I smelt something. Sweat. My mind was not working, but on some deep level my consciousness took hold. Sweaty pig. The thought slid across my delirious mind as my arms made contact with something solid but pliable. My lower consciousness took hold and I felt it give way beneath my strength. My hands felt wet. How odd. A voice. What a calming voice that is. Too bad. Such a shame. The thoughts slid across my mind, meaning nothing as my arms went about their task, levering some thing against something else. There was quite a bit of resistance. I felt it give way and a scream rippled across my absent mind. Hope I’m not breaking anything important. Another strange thought. Not mine. Whose? Why were my hands so wet? My chest too. What’s going…. I woke up for the second time. This time I could move and think both. Emmy Lou was beside my bed. I was in a hospital room. She was sleeping, a mask covering her eyes from the midday sun streaming through a window. I… remembered. “Emmy!” I yelled, tears coming to my eyes. I tried to stand but was held down by searing pain. Emmy rushed to my side, the mask still on her face. Wait. Not a mask. A bandage. “What happened?” I said, tears rolling down my face as I remembered everything that had happened. “Emmy? What happened?” She didn’t say anything. She was crying too, but no tears would come.
Epilogue That’s the story. What I can remember of it anyways. The cops told me the rest later. Mr. Wellers and Sheriff Gore had kidnapped Emmy and I. We were held in the hospital for days as everyone in town searched the river for our bodies. My mustang had been found submerged off the dock, and everyone thought Emmy and I were together in it. Her parents had cursed my name to a wordless ocean, screaming at the man who took their daughter, all while going to church with the Sheriff there to console them. The cops found us when Emmy Lou stumbled out into the street, screaming and blind. It had taken her hours to find her way out of the hospital. It’s hard to navigate when you can’t see. I had to hear the rest of the story from her. After our kidnapping they had operated on her. Removing her eyes, a third of her blood and one of her kidneys. Then they went to work on me. I’m still not entirely sure what they took from me. Everything seems to still be intact, my body healing from the meaningless surgeries well. Emmy says she pretended to pass out after hearing my screaming stop. The sheriff, receiving instructions from Wellers had then tried to move her to a different room. She managed to slip away from him, while blind and run to where she’d heard my screams. She found me, and a syringe. In a moment of madness she stabbed the syringe into my shoulder and empty its contents into me, hoping to kill me and end my suffering. Turns out the syringe had a potent mix of drugs, including pure adrenaline. The restraints that held me tore like paper. According to Emmy, all she heard from then on was me humming a tuneless song and Wellers and E. Gore screaming. She made her way out of the room and started trying to find the exit to the hospital. When she finally made it out and Sam called the state police they found me in the operating room, standing above the broken bodies of the malicious pair, humming and swaying back and forth. Yep, they tazed the shit out of me. When they noticed my injuries they rushed me to an actual hospital where I was remained for a week as my body worked through the drugs, the surgery recovery and the concussion I got after the cops tazed me and I fell into a medicine cabinet. Didn’t feel a thing. (Thank you drugs.) All of this happened five years ago. I wrote this story under the direction of my therapist. She thinks I need to let go. But I can’t. I found a record of Dr. Wellers license revocation. Only problem, it’s from the 1850s. I tried to learn anything I could about either Dr. Wellers or Sheriff E. Gore, but they were ghostlike. I can’t get over the questions I have. Questions like, why? And how? The police think they were selling organs on the black market, but I know what I saw. Wellers was wearing Emmy’s eyes. That’s why she’s blind. The cops don’t believe me, and in my drug stupor I destroyed any evidence there might have been. There wasn’t much left of either of my tormentors. I’m gonna stop writing now. These memories are painful. They are the reason I have a blind wife, a guilty conscience and a deeply scarred chest that’s painful to see in the mirror. They are the reason my hand bones are crooked, broken against a thick skull. I have many unanswered questions, and now I’m building a life on unsteady ground. But that’s enough now. I’m late for my meeting. I’ve got a client who wants me to restore a 78’ impala and then I have to pick Emmy up from her art studio. I hope my story helps someone out there. But for me, it just hurts.
Credits: The idea for the monster that is Wellers came from an episode of supernatural where they fight an organ stealing ancient doctor. This is also kind of an adaptation of the story of Frankensteins monster, with Dave playing the part of the monster at the end. I also leaned heavily on other creepy storys told on creepcast and I hope I didn’t step on any toes doing so. This is my first time writing something like this and I enjoyed it a lot, even if you guys don’t. Thank you for reading!

So, today I took my first 0.5mg dose and I am curious to see how that's going to work out. Initially I thought the effects were pretty low so far but I lost 3,5kg (7,7lbs) in 4 weeks and I think that's actually good. I think it pays off to be patient. I was intermittent fasting most of the time. Side effects were very minor. I am 32F - SW 295

Has anyone else experienced intense discomfort in their jaw after taking lurasidone? I was okay the first week when I was only on 20mg but since I’ve started taking 40mg my jaw gets SO tight. Since I take it at night time I can’t sleep because the discomfort in my jaw is so intense. This seems to be the only side effect I’ve experienced aside from drowsiness which doesn’t bother me much. I’m going to talk to my doctor and see if I should just drop back down to 20mg. I don’t really want to switch meds again because this seems to be the only side effect whereas I’ve experienced much worse from other meds. If anyones experienced this, do you have any recommendations on how to ease the jaw pain until my next appointment?

I can't take this medication. In addition to the horrible side effects, it has made me binge eat more than I've ever done. I'm on Day 6 and that's it for me. These are the side effects for me - ringing in my ears, dizzy, nauseated, no energy, insomnia, headache, anxiety and major binge eating. So - this med is not for me.
My hat is off to those who powered through the side effects and envious of those who didn't have problems. Keep up the good fight!

Hey all!
I officially started HRT a little under two weeks ago (MTF), and I'm really happy with how it's been going so far for the most part.
I have noticed though that when I get home from work and when I wake up in the morning (i work second shift 2 to midnight) I'm just consistently exhausted and spend all my time not at work in bed. I've even been sleeping through alarms, which I never used to do before.
Is this an early side effect? I know as my T levels drop it's probably affecting my energy, but I'm hoping my body can catch up because I'm just so tired ALL THE TIME.

I’ve been taking bupropion XL 150mg for 4 days. The last time I tried it I went hypo, but now I’m trying it alongside a mood stabilizer that I’ve been on for awhile and it has me sooooo sleepy.
Does this side effect go away? It’s been very frustrating. I’m also peeing constantly until I drink a ton of water and then it gets better later in the day.

Age and gender: 29 Male
Smoking status: Non-smoker
Height: 70inches, 5’9
Weight: 140
Duration of complaint: 2 years
Psychiatric/medical diagnosis: MDD
Current Medications: fluoxetine 20mg, buspirone 7.5 2x/day
Recreational drugs: None
My question: Is buproprion (Wellbutrin) contraindicated for a patient who’s experienced a single seizure?
My dilemma: I have treatment resistant MDD. Other SSRIs have been unsuccessful and buproprion (NDRI) has been well tolerated within the extended family.
Background: Single, Idiopathic Petit Mal Seizure Occurred over a decade ago
Testing:
EEG in 2011 was performed. EEG Result: Abnormal This EEG was abnormal due to left temporal sharp waves, sugestive of pote seizure focus. Persistent 3 Hz activity likely a hyperventilation artifa clinical correlation to rule out potential seizure.
Prolonged EEG in 2024 (this year) was performed. Result: Normal
Treatment: Keppra for <12 months Discontinued (came to this decision collaboratively with my neurologist at the time) due to side effects (fatigue)
Relevant Clinical History: Dx with MDD Treated with 20mg fluoxetine 1x/day at the time, Dx with idiopathic single petit mal seizure G40.A09
I'm seeking help in sourcing new-to-me data or interpreting the data below, on drug classes like SSRIs and the NDRI buproprion (Wellbutrin) and their effect of lowering seizure threshold.
Considerations: Given seizure risk for most antidepressants increases with dose (or blood level), and comparisons between drugs should consider seizure rates at the effective dose (or blood level) for each drug, can a LOWER dose of buproprion be considered "safe"?
Epsyhealth.com says “There are numerous studies which seem to show that taking Wellbutrin slightly increases the risk of having a seizure, which is why the FDA says that people who’ve already been diagnosed with epilepsy should not take it. There are also numerous anecdotal examples of people with epilepsy finding they have more seizures on Wellbutrin, and individual medical case reports. Although Wellbutrin seizures are a serious risk, there is also some evidence that the Wellbutrin seizure threshold is affected by dose. Studies have found that when people take lower doses - or Wellbutrin XL which is a slow release version of the drugs - the risk of seizures decreases. All the same, it’s best avoided if you have had seizures in the past.”
Sources Discussing Buproprion/Seizure risk:
https://www.mdpi.com/1422-0067/22/5/2521
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/413013

Age and gender: 29 Male
Smoking status: Non-smoker
Height: 70inches, 5’9
Weight: 140
Duration of complaint: 2 years
Psychiatric/medical diagnosis: MDD
Current Medications: fluoxetine 20mg, buspirone 7.5 2x/day
Recreational drugs: None
My question: Is buproprion (Wellbutrin) contraindicated for a patient who’s experienced a single seizure?
My dilemma: I have treatment resistant MDD. Other SSRIs have been unsuccessful and buproprion (NDRI) has been well tolerated within the extended family.
Background: Single, Idiopathic Petit Mal Seizure Occurred over a decade ago
Testing:
EEG in 2011 was performed. EEG Result: Abnormal This EEG was abnormal due to left temporal sharp waves, sugestive of pote seizure focus. Persistent 3 Hz activity likely a hyperventilation artifa clinical correlation to rule out potential seizure.
Prolonged EEG in 2024 (this year) was performed. Result: Normal
Treatment: Keppra for <12 months Discontinued (came to this decision collaboratively with my neurologist at the time) due to side effects (fatigue)
Relevant Clinical History: Dx with MDD Treated with 20mg fluoxetine 1x/day at the time, Dx with idiopathic single petit mal seizure G40.A09
I'm seeking help in sourcing new-to-me data or interpreting the data below, on drug classes like SSRIs and the NDRI buproprion (Wellbutrin) and their effect of lowering seizure threshold.
Considerations: Given seizure risk for most antidepressants increases with dose (or blood level), and comparisons between drugs should consider seizure rates at the effective dose (or blood level) for each drug, can a LOWER dose of buproprion be considered "safe"?
Epsyhealth.com says “There are numerous studies which seem to show that taking Wellbutrin slightly increases the risk of having a seizure, which is why the FDA says that people who’ve already been diagnosed with epilepsy should not take it. There are also numerous anecdotal examples of people with epilepsy finding they have more seizures on Wellbutrin, and individual medical case reports. Although Wellbutrin seizures are a serious risk, there is also some evidence that the Wellbutrin seizure threshold is affected by dose. Studies have found that when people take lower doses - or Wellbutrin XL which is a slow release version of the drugs - the risk of seizures decreases. All the same, it’s best avoided if you have had seizures in the past.”
Sources Discussing Buproprion/Seizure risk:
https://www.mdpi.com/1422-0067/22/5/2521
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/413013