well, I f'ed up my jee got only a useless 89%, and then gave comedK(just got a decent rank) and Kcet (result was today ,just saw it's not even 1lakh😭)
i got depressed after JEE, i was totally confident in it cause i'm also doing freelancing on the side and earn well enough for a 12th pass in a medium sized tech company , and also my results are really good , i was the topper of my class, so i was really confident, guess that was just arrogance .
then i got really idk what to call it , i just took the exam out of mind and would spend all day gaming and on social media. now i have just realised the state my life is in after seeing the Kcet result
Now i have effed up every exam i had, even my friends who used to get 78-85% have got into better colleges than me.
now im planning to give NUCAT , just need some cut off and merit list of the previous year so i can make it to top 10-20% within the given time constraint🥲🥲🥲

This wild ride started 1 year ago when I read Peter's book and decided to start exercising and eating healthier. My original post 4-5 months ago was here: https://www.reddit.com/PeterAttia/comments/19d8wcg/lost_weight_but_cholesterol_went_up/
Fast forward to today, here are my data points and what has changed:
2019 - 2022 baseline: (measured annually)
TC - 230s
HDL - high 50s
LDL - 160-170
ApoB - only data point in 2019 was 118
HbA1C - 5.4-5.6
AST / ALT - 20/13 avg.
Jan 2024 - pretty much as described in the list above, I did 7 months of exercise, lost weight, low carbs, lots of meat, including red meat, keto diet. My lipid panal shot up through the roof, but HbA1C dropped like a tank.
TC - 300
HDL - 56
LDL - 235
ApoB - 140
HbA1C - 4.8
AST / ALT - 19/11
Needless to say, my physician wants me to start statins, they were tagging me with all kinds of labels like Familial hyperlipidemia. Primary wanted me to start with Crestor 20mg. I negotiated down to 10mg, then I took it down to 5mg myself because I felt very weak when on 10mg and also realized Asians are supposed to start at 5mg dose as recommended by Crestor. I also started serious diet changes that took out red meats and anything that had excessive saturated fat. 6 weeks later here are the results:
TC - 212
HDL - 56
LDL - 142
ApoB - Doc didn't order this
HbA1C - 5.2
AST / ALT - 20/13
We had good results for just 6 weeks, but it wasn't enough as doc wants to get LDL under 100. I know Peter cares way more on ApoB so I was just going to get that at next test. I was bummed that HbA1C went up, but happy to see my liver is handling the statin okay with normal AST / ALT. I requested to add Ezetimide 10mg to the treatment. Research has shown the combination of low-dose statin and ezetimide is more effective than a high-dose statin alone. I posted about this here as well. This is a great way to minimize potential side effect of statins. I figured adding ezetimide will get the final push to lower my LDL to below 100. I stayed the course on exercise and diet changes, still very minimal red meat and saturated fat. 3 months of this, here are the results I just got today:
TC - 114
HDL - 59
LDL - 47 (calculated), 40 (direct)
ApoB - still waiting on this, usually takes 2-3 days extra
HbA1C - 5.3
AST/ ALT - 24/18
Wow... I did not this coming. I genuinely think these are too low at this point and we overshot. Yes I know I should speak to my doctor about this and I certainly will. I am posting here to provide this very interesting data point. I know 1 case isn't enough to prove anything, but for me personally, this proved two things:

1. low dose statin and ezetimide works extremely well, no need to do a high-dose statin like the initial prescription.
   
2. diet has A LOT of effect on lipid panel, especially saturated fat intake.
   

I am now looking to reduce my medication. I know there are two extremes on this sub, one that loves statin and would take the highest dose tolerated by side effects while lowering LDL / ApoB to as low as possible, and the other side that will not touch any medication whatsoever. I'm really in between, I don't mind pharmaceutical help, but rather minimize it if possible. Here is what I think my options are:
A. Lower statin dose to 2.5mg with 10mg ezetimide. I would just cut the 5mg in half or take 5mg every other day.
B. Skip the statin and just take 10mg ezetimide only .
C. No medication at all.
I would do whichever option above for 3 months and test again. I am currently leaning towards option B. Tom Dayspring has said that a higher HDL in the 50-60s could mean someone is a hyper-absorber of cholesterol. Ezetimide blocks cholesterol absorption in the intestines. I know ezetimide has had mediocre effects alone for most people, but it really depends on the cause of high cholesterol.
Ezetimide works very well for hyper-absorbers, which is a low percentage of people with high chlesterol. If my lipid panel shoots up in 3 months, I could always add back the statin by going to option A. Ezetimide also has way less potential side effects vs. statin. Statin has shown to raise HbA1C and potentially AST / ALT. My HbA1C was definitely raised after starting statin, but this could also come from not as low carb as before.
Which options above would you recommend in my case ? (Yes I'm aware this is reddit and I should not seek medical advice here, this is just for discussion purposes for all of us that are interested in this topic and I will absolutely discuss with my doctor)

I (26F) have been struggling lately with my emotions and overthinking, and I could really use some advice.
Here's some background: When I was in high school, I met a boy online who was just a couple of years older than me. We dated for a while, broke up, and then got back together after I helped him through a rough patch. I even moved to the state he went to school in to be with him. I was young and naive at 18, and he was 20. Not long after moving, I found out he was cheating on me. Despite this, I took him back because I believed in our relationship.
We dated for two years until he decided to study abroad. I wasn't comfortable with this, especially after the cheating incident, but I didn't want to hold him back. Unfortunately, I caught him lying again, which led to a big fight where I said some hurtful things. When he came back after the semester, we had an awkward 7-hour hangout, and that was the last time we were really in contact.
Less than a year later, he was dating someone new, and I focused on my healing. I moved back to home to deal with some serious health issues and other serious personal stuff. I hoped he would want to work things out, but I never heard from him.
Years passed, and I moved on, even dated someone else briefly. Then, out of the blue, I heard from an old friend that my ex had been asking about reaching out to her randomly. I confronted him, but nothing came of it.
To add on... 2 more years later ... our mutual friend told me she reached out to him to just say hello because she really did like him and was happy to be friends with him. they bonded well so i wasnt upset that she missed having convos with him.
her feedback.... he never mentioned that hes still with the same girl, that they moved across country together.... and have been dating for (should be 4 years at that point). and from what she told me , it was almost like he was curious about me and said something similar to "if the universie thinks its meant to be , maybe we can be kosher" and "i thought about reaching out to her if im ever in town"...... theres no way he'd just randomly be "in town".
Recently, I saw a photo of him proposing to her. While I'm happy for him, it hurts deeply because I always imagined we'd be endgame. Seeing him move on so quickly after me has left me feeling inadequate and anxious.
In a perfect world, that night he came to drop my shirt off, I would have told him, "I love you, I'm sorry, and can we start over?" But because he was so unpredictable, I didn't want to look foolish and give him the satisfaction of knowing he could keep hurting me and I'd still stay.
I've built a career, handled my medical issues, and gotten into my dream grad program after graduating w/ my undergrad. Yet, I can't shake this gut-wrenching feeling. Did I not mean as much to him? Why was I so easily replaced? Maybe I'm delusional, but I always thought we'd get married and grow old together. Perhaps he never really felt the same and just felt stuck with me.
No one prepares you for the pain of watching your first love build a life without you. How do I move forward from this and stop feeling like I wasn't enough? How can I manage my emotions and overthinking in a healthy way? If anyone has advice on how to handle these emotions and stop overthinking, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks for reading. This felt really good to write out and validate my own feelings...
TL;DR: Struggling with emotions and overthinking after my first love moved on and got engaged. Need advice on coping and moving forward
(ps: i saw someone post about their wife being in love with their ex..... disclaimer im not her lol and i am def not married😂😂)

I have seen fair share of rom-coms from the past decade and Golden Time was in my PTW for quite a long time, finally got some time and decided to watch it. Initial premise was fascinating, characters being in college was something refreshing and cast seemed interesting. But I couldn't be more wrong, everything went downhill in the second half and weird ass ending soured everything about the story.
First of all the entire ship of Koko and Banri seemed so toxic, she changes her opinions over everything instantly and never seem to be on a right track. But above all her constant yelling was just difficult to watch. I can understand the author using it as a flaw to make her a better character but it didn't work for me and felt more like half hearted attempt which didn't get proper conclusion. [Spoilers]I just hated how Koko broke up with Banri, author depicts them as adults who can solve their issued with mutual understanding and talking it out, how she trusts Banri but everything was all of a sudden gone and she started treating him as a friend with no proper reason to him. Like what happened to her character growth.
Secondly, characters gets some role but they never get to finish their part of the story. It's like the story is filled with poor plot twists and piror story gets forgotten due to that. This happens [spoilers]worse for how Linda and Mistuo all of a sudden became friendly, Oka being mad at Banri then it got resolved easily, Mitsuo amhad argument with Banri it was also resolved easily and everything getting resolved due to a single mail. This show has a lot of arguments but never seem to conclude in a proper way. Why does Linda suddenly choose to confess "Yes" to Banri as he's running to meet Kouko? Why does his original personality even come back when it chose to let go? Everything happens so quickly, and it breaks all the tension.
Lastly, I felt extremely cheated by this series, because they spend so much time "developing" the characters. But by the end, everything is solved magically. All the solution to their problems doesn't come by hardships but it comes magically, through spontaneous and sudden laughter and tears. Absolutely ridiculous, they took 20 epsiodes to make you believe that these issues are present in the story but nothing ever mattered. I was planning to watch Sakurasou, but for some reason went with Golden Time. Hopefully Sakurasou will heal me from the frustrating experience.
I'd love to know their opinions about Golden time and if I am the only one who felt like that with GT.

So i bought the game the day it came out on Meta Quest and I’ve been having a blast. I especially enjoyed the back and forth with Sam on the Woodgal Jr machine. Well right before I beat the game, I beat her high score again and got a email from her saying she beat me again and this would be her last high score cause she was moving to England for college with her boyfriend. I thought about letting her high score live on for a moment…..and then I smashed it with a 411 score!!!! Anyways I got one more final email from Sam saying she stopped by the arcade one last time before leaving and saw I had beat the score. She then admitted defeat and called me the master of the arcade.(may not be actual wording 😂) Then said she’s now in England with boyfriend and they got a cat. I even got a picture of cat attached to email 😀 She said she’d be back in a year so I really hope there is an update at some point cause I miss Sam. Now I’m rivaling with the guy from the gravichase machine. Just doesn’t feel the same though.

It occurred to me the other day that Medicare is destined to be a money pit as currently designed. You mandate low premiums and only insure the biggest users of medical care.
If we expanded the public option to include a low cost, high deductible plan for young folks, we can balance out the underwriting risk of older folks and detach medical care from work at the same time.
Did I just reinvent Obamacare? Lol

This article is based on discussions from the Japanese National Diet in March 2024.
The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East (UNRWA) was established by a United Nations General Assembly resolution in 1949. Its mission is to provide assistance and protection to Palestinian refugees. Initially, it was assumed that the Palestinian issue would be resolved within a few years, and UNRWA's mandate was set for three years. However, the mandate has been extended for over 70 years​​.

The Role and Importance of UNRWA

UNRWA provides health, medical, education, and welfare services to Palestinian refugees, supporting the lives of millions of people. In particular, UNRWA is indispensable in the Gaza Strip, where humanitarian assistance cannot be sustained without its presence​​. The activities of UNRWA are also crucial for realizing a two-state solution where Israel and a future independent Palestinian state coexist peacefully and safely​​.

Japanese Government's Response

The Japanese government has been working to improve the lives of Palestinian refugees through support for UNRWA. In fiscal year 2023, Japan decided to provide a new emergency grant aid of $32 million, to be implemented through the United Nations World Food Programme (WFP), the World Health Organization (WHO), and the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF)​​. Additionally, there are increasing calls for restoring trust in and strengthening the governance of UNRWA, and the Japanese government is closely collaborating with the United Nations and other countries to address this​​.

Suspension of Funding and Its Impact

In October 2023, allegations emerged that UNRWA staff were involved in terrorist attacks against Israel, leading several countries, including Japan, to temporarily suspend their contributions to UNRWA. This decision could further exacerbate the humanitarian crisis in the Gaza Strip, raising concerns from the international community​​​​. On the other hand, some countries, such as Canada and Sweden, have resumed funding based on the investigation results, and there are opinions that Japan should follow suit​​​​.

Future Prospects

To restore trust and enable UNRWA to fulfill its original role, the Japanese government is strongly urging for strengthened governance. Currently, investigations by the United Nations and third-party verification are underway, and appropriate actions based on the results are required​​​​. It is urgent to continue providing essential support such as food and medical care to the people of Gaza and to address the humanitarian crisis as quickly as possible​​.

Conclusion

UNRWA provides indispensable support to Palestinian refugees, and the continuation of its activities is a challenge for the entire international community. The Japanese government, while demanding the restoration of trust and strengthening of governance, is taking measures to promptly provide humanitarian aid to the Gaza Strip. Support for UNRWA is a crucial step towards sustainable peace and stability, and Japan's role is becoming increasingly important.
https://chatgpt.com/g/g-85xwE4935-japan-diet-gpt-202403 https://diet-kagemitsu-0506-56a8a561a89f.herokuapp.com/
This article was created by ChatGPT based on legitimate data inputs.

Hey everyone! I was pleased by the overwhelming interest I got in my collection, as someone who has a passion for building soil and hunting beans for unique phenos the last 15 years. I am glad how many people appreciate true one of kind heirloom genetics!
Why am I getting rid of them? Simply put - I am trying to go the legit route and this state is making it beyond difficult. I need to recoup and regroup. Any support is much appreciated. I’ve waited my whole life for this.
Pricing - I updated below. Much of my collection is very hard to find one of kind stuff that is highly sought after. No random pollen chucking, true bred stabilized genomes. There’s a lot of history in that list as well if you’re someone who understands the genomics of the plant. You’ll see breeder, where they’re out of, the strain name, the cross and a little bit of history / description on some of it. Some very very special stuff. Pricing is either what I paid for it or a little more if it’s something special that’s not easy to find or not being bred anymore.
*Each strain is in original packaging stored in a curidor at a steady 52 degrees, no light, no humidity. I find this is the best way to store beans for long term storage and guaranteed high germination rates. I usually get 97-100% germ rate with my germination method which I will include on a printed out sheet for anyone who grabs any of my offerings. I want you to succeed and find something special - I cherish my collection and sad to see a lot of it go but you gotta do what you gotta do. I’d really like to see this stuff go to growers who care about the plant and preserving the uniqueness to it for years to come. Hope all of this helps
Here is the full list:
coasttocoastgenetics@gmail.com (get in touch with us) coasttocoastgenetics.com (coming soon)
{Regs}

~ Oni Seed Co (Maine) ~ 

Tropicanna Cookies F2 - Girl Scout Cookies x Tangie (multiple award winner) [R] 250 ~ Elev8 Seeds (Seattle, Washington) Tangerine Cookies - Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies x Tangie [R] 120

~ Mountain Organics ~ 

Cosmic Lotus - Gonzo x TOVR (Thai, Afghan, Haze, Northern Lights) [R] 120 Maya - Acapulco Gold x Lotus [R] 120 Gold Rush - Colombian Gold x Lotus [R] 120 The One BC1 - 1976 Highland Thai x 1971 Kandahar Afghani [R] {Clackamus Coot} 150 {See Mountain Organics Genetics PDF (now MOB seeds) for more info on genetic lineages.} ~ MOB seeds (Mountain Organics) ~ Psyche - The One BC1 x The One BC1 (Afghani Hybrid) [R] 120 Eros - The One BC1 x The One BC1 (Thai Hybrid) [R] 120 The One BC2 - The One x The One BC1 [R] 120 Morpho (Blue Lotus F2) - Blue Gonzo x Lotus [R] 120 Blue Gonzo BC1 - Blue Gonzo x Blue Lotus [R] 120 {Blue Gonzo - The One x (Nevilles Haze x NL5) (blue pheno)}

~ Symbiotic Genetics / The Village (Sacramento, California) ~ 

Mimosa - Clementine x Purple Punch F2 [R] (multiple award winner) 200 Banana Punch - Banana OG x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Cherry Punch - Cherry AK47 x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Wedding Crashers - Wedding Cake x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Orangeade - Tangie x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 Big Block - Motorbreath 15 x Purple Punch F2 [R] 200 {Purple Punch lineage - Larry OG x Granddaddy Purple}

~ Exotic Genetix - EG Mike (Washington) ~ 

{Over 50x Cannabis Cup Awards since 2008} Tina F2 - (Tina x Tina) Constantine x Triple OG [R] (multiple award winner) 200 Paradise Circus - Tropicanna Cookies x Tina [R] 200 Cookies & Creme - Mystery Cookies x Starfighter F2 [R] (multiple award winner) 250 Big Smooth - OG Blueberry x Cookies & Creme [R] 200 Scoops - (Gelato x Tina) x Cookies & Creme F2 [R] 200 Strawberries & Creme F2 - Strawberry x Cookies & Creme F2 [R] 250

~ Dying Breed Seeds - Shiloh Massive (Mendocino, California) ~ 

California Black Rozé - Rozé x OG eddy [R] 350 Red Rozé - Rozé x Adonai [R] 350 Sour Zkittlez - Zkittlez x Candy Zkittlez #3 x Adonai [R] 400 Watermelon Zkittlez - Watermelon Zum Zum #3 x OG Eddy [R] 400 {Zkittlez - Grape Ape x Grapefruit} {Adonai - (Russian Kush (LA Cut) x Silver Tooth (Super Silver Haze x Train Wreck)) x Sweet Tooth}

~ Humboldt Seed Company (Humboldt County, California) ~ 

Blueberry Muffin F5 - Purple Panty Dropper x Razzle Berry [R] 100 Purple Mountain Majesty F3 - Purple Train Wreck x Train Wreck x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Amethyst F3 - Purple Panty Dropper x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Mango Sherbert F3 - Mango Trees x Mango Kush x Sherbert [R] 100 {2018/2019 HSC Phenotype mega hunt - Best 0.1% selected out of 10k plants} Mango Trees F5 - Mango Kush x Humboldt OG x Jack Herer [R] 100 Banana Mango F3 - Mango Trees x Banana OG x Blueberry Muffin [R] 100 Magic Melon F3 - Mango Trees x Honeydew Melon x Mango Sherbert [R] 100 Pineapple Upside Down Cake F3 - PUDC BX3 x Pineapple Train Wreck x Cookie Monster [R] 100 {2019/2020 HSC Phenotype mega hunt - Best 0.1% selected out of 10k plants} Very Cherry - Old Timer Seed x Lemon Kush Bx3 [R] 100 Vanilla Frosting - Humboldt Frost OG x Humboldt Gelato Bx3 [R] 100

~ Gage Green Group (Detroit, Michigan) ~ 

Grateful Breath F2 - OGKB (OG Kush Breath) x Joseph OG [R] 400 5th Dimension - Out Of Body Experience x Synchronicity [R] 300 Guiding Light - Out Of Body Experience x Breathwork [R] 300 Luna Golden - High School Sweetheart 2 x Synchronicity [R] 300 Mo Lune Day - Motorbreath 15 x Breathwork [R] 300 {Out of Body Experience - (Skywalker OG x Grateful Breath) x Grateful Breath F2} {Synchronicity - Irene x Grateful Breath} {Breathwork - Mendobreath x Grateful Breath} {High School Sweet Heart - Cherry Pie Kush x Grateful Breath}

~ Dominion Seed Co - Duke Diamond (Virginia) ~ 

Stash Plant - The Puck (Skelly Hashplant) x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Munson - Northern Lights #5 x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Kough Drop - Strawberry Afghani x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Free Bird - Headband x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Shine Apple - Virginia Beach Afghani x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 Pine Bomb - Sensi Durban Poison x Screaming Eagle [R] 140 {Screaming Eagle lineage - Airborne g13 x (88 g13 Hashplant x Kandahar Afghani)} Granny Skunk - Virginia Beach Afghani x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk #1) [R] 200 Local Skunk - Original Diesel x (Cuddlefish HP x Sour Diesel IBL) x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk1) [R] 200 Sis Skunk - Chem Sister x (Skelly Hashplant x SSSC Skunk1) [R] 200

~ Lucky Dog Seed Co - SkunkVA (Virginia) ~ 

{Holder, Preserver, Sharer of the most elite / influential Chemdog cuts in existence.} Dog Patch - Chemdog 91 Bx2 x Chemdog D [R] 150 Hunza Valley 91 - Skelly Hashplant x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Road D.O.G. - Crossroad Chem x Chemdog 91 Bx2 [R] 150 Chem Fuego - Sour Band (Sour Diesel x Headband) x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Double Krush - Chem Krush x Chemdog 91 Bx2 [R] 150 Guerilla Fume - Silver Chem (Silverback OG x Chemdog 91) x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 Bohemian Highway - Occidental Kush x Chemdog 91 Bx3 [R] 150 SkunkVA Chemdog 91 S1 - Chemdog 91 x Chemdog 91 [F] {Crossroad Chem - Chemdog 91 x SFV OG Kush Bx2 (Chem pheno)} {Chem Krush - Chemdog 91 x SFV OG Kush Bx2 (Kush pheno)} {Chemdog 91 lineage - Nepalese x Thai Landraces} Chemdog 91 is considered to be “the godfather” in cannabis genetics and has paved the way for some of the most popular strains in history such as Sour Diesel and OG Kush. Chemdog lineage can be found in most modern day hybrid genetics and these crosses are from there original seed stock - Original Skunk VA Chemdog 91 S1 gifted to me by Headies Gardens. Friend & Distributor of Skunk VA genetics Lucky Dog Seed Co.}

~ Green Bodhi (Eugene, Oregon) ~ 

{Intentional Horticultural ~ Mexican ~ Thai ~ Afghani} Hazy Kush - Hazy Kush x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] (extremely unique genotype in Phylos Galaxy) 120 Hazy Dog - Dog Walker OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Star - Stardawg x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Sour - Sour OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy OG - OG Kush x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Hazy Ghost - Ghost OG x Hazy Kush Bx2 [R] 120 Sour 78 (Tenzin Kush) - Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG [R] (extremely unique genotype) 200 Dog Walker 78 - Dog Walker OG x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 Kosher 78 - Kosher Kush x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 SBSE 78 - Sour Best Shit Ever x (Sour OG x 78 LA Affie OG) [R] 150 Ancient Tenzin #2 - Tenzin Kush #2 x Ancient OG (72 Iranian x Snow Lotus) [R] 200 Ancient Tenzin #4 - Tenzin Kush #4 x Ancient OG (72 Iranian x Snow Lotus) [R] 200 {Hazy Kush lineage - Golden Pineapple x ((Trainwreck x Purple Affie) x (OG Kush x SAGE))}

~ Old World Genetics - DJ Short (Eugene, Oregon) ~ 

Newberry F5 - Blue Heaven F4 x DJ Short Blueberry F4 Male [R] 300 Velvet Krush F5 - FXW #4 Mother x DJ Short Blueberry F4 Male [R] 300 Blueberry F5 - Highland Thai x Afghani Indica [R] (first place indica cannabis cup 2000) 150 {Blueberry seeds are F4-F5 selectively bred from pure Landrace P1s since the 1970s. The mother for DJ Shorts Blueberry is over 20 years old - Selected in 1998 and rereleased in 2004.}

~ Dynasty Genetics - Professor P (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

Oregon Huckleberry IBL - Oregon Huckleberry F4 x Oregon Huckleberry Bx3 [R] 150 Mt. Hood Huckleberry F4 - Mt. Hood Huckleberry F3 x Mt. Hood Huckleberry F3 [R] 150 Huckleberry Kush V5 - Oregon Afghani x Oregon Huckleberry [R] 150 Crater Lake V6 - Super Silver Haze F2 x Oregon Huckleberry [R] 120 Alpenglow - Cherry Vanilla Cookies x Oregon Huckleberry 2017 #5 [R] 120 Blue Magoo Bx2 - Blue Magoo x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Salmon River OG - Pre 98 Bubba x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Birds Of Paradise - Kali Snapple x Blue Heron #111 [R] 120 Starduster - Pre-99 East Coast Sour Diesel x Ms. Universe (clone) [R] 120 {Kali Snapple - (Snowbud x Pineapple) x Kali Mist (Pre 2000)} {Ms. Universe - Dess*tar (Starship x Kali Mist) Mother x Space Queen F3 Farther} {Oregon Huckleberry - Oregon Blueberry (Blueberry X Temple Flo) X Morning Glory (Hawaiian x Afghani x Shiva Skunk)} {Blue Magoo - Oregon Blueberry F4 x Williams Wonder F2} {Blue Heron - Blue Magoo x Blue Magoo / Huckleberry}

~ Relic Seeds - Professor P (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

{Preservation of Rare Heirloom ~ Landrace ~ Unique CBD Varieties} Relic Grapefruit - Grapefruit IBL x Grapefruit F2 [R] 140 Durban Grapefruit - Durban Poison x Grapefruit F2 [R] 140

~ Massive Seeds (Rogue Valley Terroir, Southern Oregon) ~ 

{Bred, Grown and Harvested outdoor at 42.0 Latitude (Same Latitude as mid Hudson Valley) Some of the largest growing / biggest yielding plants on record with massive uniform nugs.} Pineapple Pomegranate F3 - Pomegranate x Applegate Hornblower [R] 140 Durban Pomegranate F2 - Durban Poison x Pineapple Pomegranate F3 [R] 140 Black Pomegranate - Pineapple Pomegranate F3 x South African Landrace [R] 140 Rogue Valley Wreck - Big Wreck x Blueberry Snow [R] 120 Summer Sunset OG - Purple Hindu Kush x Lemon Larry OG [R] 120 Mint Sunset - Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies x Summer Sunset OG [R] 120 Purple Lemon Chem - Chem 91 x Summer Sunset OG [R] 120 Snow Skunk - Yuki Dog x Purple Lemon Chem [R] 120 Chem541 - Chem91 Bx1 x (Chem91 x Session Sour Diesel BX1) [R] 120 {Pomegranate - Shishkaberry x Blueberry x Oregon Snow x Lemon Pineapple} {Applegate Hornblower (Pineapple Trainwreck) - Mexican x Thai x Afghani}

~ Freeborn Selections - Mene Gene (Mendacino, California) ~ 

Piña F4 - Super Silver Haze x ((Dirt x Bigbud) x (Dirt x Purp) [R] 300 Sky Cuddler Kush F3 - PK x (Skywalker OG x (PK x (Hindu x Big Red) [R] 300 Lime Pop Kush F3 - OG x (PK x Black Lime) [R] 300 Cherry West Bx - Cherry West x (Cherry West x Cherry Limeade) [R] 300 {Thoroughly worked lines over at least 3-4 generations before released to the public.} {(Dirt x Bigbud) x (Dirt x Purp) and (Big Red) are 80s Afghani lines from Santa Cruz.} Black Lime Reserve F2 {Eclectic Elegance Preservation} - Northern Lights x Purple Kush x Chemdog Special Reserve [R]

~ Emerald Mountain Legacy - Mandelbrot Brothers Family Heirlooms {Ras Truth} ~ 

Royal Kush IX (Bx10) - (Sour Diesel x Highland Afghani) x Southern Humboldt Purple Kush [R] 350 Oil Spill (Bx5) - XXX OG x Royal Kush 7 [R] 300 Royal Spill - (XXX OG x Royal Kush 7) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 The Real Rozé - (Zkittlez x Royal Kush 7) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 Royal Limez - (Zkittlez x Black Lime Reserve) x Royal Kush 8 [R] 300 Royal Maui Berry - Diesel Maui Dawg x Blackberry Kush x Royal Kush 9 [R] 250 {Royal Kush genome is one of the most sought after stabilized / homogenized IBLs in existence from the heart of the Emerald Triangle in Northern California.}

~ Karma Genetics (Holland) ~ 

Biker Kush (Ha-OG Bx2) - Ha OG x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Sour Power OG - Sour Power (cup winning cut) x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Tha Melon - Melon x Biker Kush V1 [R] 150 Karma Sour Diesel Bx2 - Rez Sour D x (Rez Sour D x (Rez Sour D x Biker Kush v2)) [R] 350 Headbanger - Rez Sour D (KG cut) x Biker Kush V1 [R] {2013 Amsterdam Cannabis Cup 1st} 300 Josh D OG - SFV OG x Triangle Kush x Hells Angels OG [R] 300 {Real OG Kush Story - Josh D & Matt “Bubba” Berger began developing these genetics in Orlando, Florida back in 1991.} {Biker Kush v2 - Ha OG x (Ha OG x (Ha OG x SFV OG Bx2))} (cup winning genetics) {Sour Power - Starbud x East Coast Sour Diesel} (cup winning genetics) {Sour Diesel used in Karma Sour crosses is a KG cut of a Rez Sour D IBL selected in 2007}

~ Surfr Seeds (Pacific Northwest) 

Citrus Tsunami - Tropicana Cookies x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 Island Zkittlez - Sour Strawberry x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 North Shore - Mendo Purps x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 Endless Summer - Purple Punch x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100 So Pitted - MAC1 x Orange Zkittlez [R] 100

~ Pacific North West Roots - Ras Kaya Paul (Washington) ~ 

Koffee F5 - Alien OG x Alien Kush {Rare Pacific Northwest Roots Hierloom IBL} [R] 300 Black Koffee - Black Dog Kush Bx4 x Koffee F5 [R] 300 Koffee & Donuts - Glazed Cherries F4 x Koffee F5 [R] 300

~ Green Source Gardens (Southern Oregon Heirlooms) ~ 

Pinkleberry Kush F5 {Mendacino Blackberry Kush Hierloom IBL} [R]

~ HBK Genetics ~ 

Chile Verde - Key Lime Pie x Lavender [R] 300 {Emerald Cup 2018 Winner - Best Personal Use} {Key Lime Pie - Durban Poison x Cherry OG x OG Kush} {Lavender - Super Skunk x Big Skunk Korean x Afghani Hawaiian}

~ Alien Genetics ~ 

Sour Apple IX (IBL) - Sour Apple IBL x Sour Apple IBL [R] 350

~ Mos_Cutty ~ 

Cherry AK 47 IBL (Original Serious Seeds stock) 250 {AK47 - Colombian x Mexican x Thai x Afghani} [R]

~ Motherlode Gardens (Yosemite, California) ~ 

Ancient OG F5 - 1972 Iranian Landrace x Snow Lotus {Bodhi Seeds Hierloom IBL} [R] 200

~ Twenty20 Genetics (Mendacino, California) ~ 

SFV OG Bx5 (SFV OG IBL) - San Fernando Valley OG Kush [R] 150

~ Elev8 Seeds (Seattle, Washington) 

Bruce Banner OG - OG Kush (Ghost Cut) x Strawberry Diesel [R] 140

~ Jaws Genetics ~ 

Fruity Pebbles OG IC1 - Fruity Pebbles OG F2 x Fruity Pebbles OG F1 [R] 200

~ OrgnKid / Zoolander ~ 

Banana OG F3 - OG Kush x Sagmartha strain [R] {Original Seed Stock} 200

~ GG Strains (Las Vegas, Nevada - RIP Joesy Whales) ~ 

Gorilla Glue #4 IBL (Original Glue) - GG4 x GG4 Bx6 [R] 300 {Original Seed Stock of Michigan / Los Angeles High Times Cannabis Cup Winner 2014 and High Times Jamaican World Cup Winner.}

~ FYG Tree (Santa Cruz, CA) ~ 

Black Rose F13 (Heath Robinson IBL) - Black Russian x Shiva Skunk (purple pheno) [R] 200 Shiva Skunk Bx - Shiva Skunk x Black Rose F12 [R]

~ AK Bean Brains (Anchorage, Alaska breeder and old school genetic preservationist holding beans & cuts for over 30 years from original Dutch Seedbank stocks.) ~ 

N L #1 x N L #5 [R] 100 TK/NL5 Haze - Triangle Kush x Northern Lights #5 [R] 100 (Northern Lights #1 x Big Skunk) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 (Big Skunk x Northern Lights #1) x Super Skunk [R] 100 95 Black Domina - Northern Lights x Ortega x Hash Plant x Afghani [R] 100 Black Domina Bx (Black Domina x Pacific Northwest Hash Plant) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 (Black Domina x Matanuska Thunder Fuck) x Northern Lights #1 [R] 100 Matanuska Thunder Fuck Bx3 - Alaska Thunder Grape x Dutch Thunder Fuck [R] 100 {Northern Lights was brought to Neville Schoenmakers in the Netherlands in 1985, where he worked the line before releasing it under “The Seed Bank of Holland” ~ NL #5 became the High Times Cannabis Cup Winner in 1989, 1990 and 1992 and is considered one of the most influential strains of all time. These seeds have been preserved in Alaska since the late 80s.}

~ The Nature Farm (Real NorCal Culture) ~ 

Cheddar Skunk V2 - 89’ UK Cheese (Exodus Cut) x Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL [R] 100 Hidden Hills Skunk - 94’ SFV OG x Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL [R] 100 Uncle Festers Skunk #18 IBL aka Skunkbud - Afghani Indica x Mexican Sativa (64’ Brick Weed) x Colombian Gold & Red [R] 100 {Original Hells Angels strain bred in 1964 by “Uncle Fester” an early 60’s psychologist turned outlaw. Authentic Original Skunk #1 lineage that is pre Skunkman. Preserved / held by family in Northern California over 3 generations.}

~ Doc D Seeds ~ 

Bandaid Haze ix 3.0 (Piff) - Cuban Black Haze x A5/Thai [R] 200 (2 packs) {These seeds originally came from a Spanish grower in the “A5 crew” out of Southern Holland. “A5” was short for their NL#5 x Haze A open Thai pollination project. These seeds were shared with legendary grower Bodhi, who found one male and used it to pollinate a cut of “Cuban Black Haze” that he had. The strain was referred to as “Piff” and the seeds were shared almost exclusively with Doc D. After running the seeds, Doc selected “Piff #7” and shared the cut back with Bodhi who further worked the line. The cut was a significantly better long flowering haze variety with a shorter flowering time than the Cuban Black Haze mother or A5 father. Bodhi then later referred to the strain as “Bandaid Haze” coining the term because he said “it heals all wounds” This genome has direct lineage to the New York Hazes (NYC Piff / Uptown Piff / Washington Heights Haze) of the 2000s without any of the paranoia/anxiety that came from many of the hazes from that era. Many world renowned breeders agree that most of the “New York Haze” and “New York City Piff” varieties are all just different cuts of the same strain, that most likely comes from an early selection of Neville Schoenmakers (NL#5 x Haze) which is often referred to as the “pinnacle of cannabis breeding” that has dominated cannabis scene from the 1980s in Holland to the present day.}
{Fems}

~ Mass Medical Strains (Massachusetts) ~ 

Star Pupil - Purple Thai x Afghan/Pakistan [F] 150 {High Times Flower of Month - Jan. 2017} Pu Tang - Star Pupil x Tangie [F] {High Times Top 10 Strains of 2019} 150 Grape Pupil - Pu Tang x Star Pupil [F] 150 Triangle Pupil - Triangle Kush x Star Pupil [F] 150 Bubba Pupil - Pre-98 Bubba Kush (Katsu Bluebird) x Star Pupil [F] 150 Nepali Blue - Nepalese White Mountain Charas Sativa Heirloom x Blue Magoo Bx2 [R] 200

~ Compound Genetics (Portland, Oregon) ~ 

Gelateria - Acai Berry Gelato x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Liquid Imagination - Blue Zkittlez x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Icicles - White Sherbet x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 Petrol Rainbows - Sour Gelato 5 x Jet Fuel Gelato [F] 150 The Menthol S1 - The Menthol x The Menthol [F] 150 {Jet Fuel Gelato - Gelato 45 x (High Octane OG x Jet Fuel G6)} {The Menthol - Gelato 45 x (White Diesel x (High Octane x Jet Fuel G6))}

~ Phinest Cannabis (Sacramento, California) x Cannarado (Colorado) ~ 

PB Souffle - Dosidos x Lava Cake [F] 150 Lava Breath - Mendobreath F3 x Lava Cake [F] 150 Magma Cookies - Cuvee Cookies x Lava Cake [F] 150 {Lava Cake - Grape Pie x Thin Min Girl Scout Cookies} {First major genetic line released to public that was created from tissue culture / micropropagation - RIP Jai Malloy (founder of Phinest Cannabis)}

I (22f) have been in a depressive slump for months now. I have clinical depression and I am not medicated for it anymore (cannot afford it). I’ve tried exercising, clean eating, deleting social media, journaling, morning and night routines, cleaning, and hanging out with friends more often but I just can’t seem to keep up with anything. I can’t consistently journal, eat healthy (i have binge ed struggle with restriction as well but i’ve just been chronically over eating), can’t keep my room clean etc etc. It sucks idk what to do. Im not suicidal. None of my old tricks work anymore.

New here! -- have been reading these for a while and felt like I could relate (and how that's probably not a good thing)
I got my undergrad in December and quickly found a job in my field starting in the middle of January at a small (less than 5 employees total) office. My boss and his wife run the company as a duo, where he does all of the work and she takes care of meetings, schedules, hiring employees, etc. My coworker has told me that she tends to hire younger because she can "get away with paying them nothing". I have been grateful to have a salary at all, and don't have any issues with pay.
I signed onto the job and on the first day I was immediately assigned my own projects (no training). We do work where accuracy is EXTREMELY important for liability purposes. In the interview process, both the boss and his wife told me that I'd be able to utilize the first few months as huge learning opportunities, as I told them my undergraduate program did not cover much of what we do. They assured me that this would be "more than okay". In my first few weeks, I had made my fair share of mistakes, and instead of offering any sort of guidance, the boss would snap at me, say things like "who told you to do this?" and "it's not that fucking hard to figure it out" under his breath while I'm at his desk ASKING for information, and then send me back to my desk. About a month into working she pulled me into a meeting and told me I need to stop asking so many questions to my coworkers and start working independently. With zero training and zero references, I reminded her in this meeting that the nature of the work we are doing is not something covered in undergrad, but that I would do my best to minimize questions and try to figure things out on my own.
The "asking questions" problem very quickly turned into a "talking" problem. I thought it was very normal to make casual small talk with coworkers (at decent times) for about 5 minutes at a time. My boss' wife seems to have developed a very particular distaste for ME talking, and has begun to blame me for almost everything that goes wrong in the office. If my coworker takes too long to complete something, she'll come out and yell at me for "distracting others".
I think it is worth mentioning that about 1 month ago she pulled my coworker and I into another meeting and said that she was moving my desk. I used to sit in a position where I could at the very least mouth things to my coworker if I had a quick question, but I now am completely facing the wall with my back turned to everyone else. I have responded to all of these instances with complete honesty and respect, telling her that while I do not ask questions about work anymore, and have completely stopped talking during the (sometimes 11 hour day), that there are just some extremely specific things that i HAVE to ask someone, or else I wouldn't have a clue how to go about it.
Now that I have my seat moved, my coworkers talk (I can hear them behind me) and I very rarely chime in. She will still come in and "joke" with the interns/employees to "make sure I leave everyone alone" and "not let me start talking". I will occasionally hear this over my headphones (which we are allowed to wear at work) and remind her that I haven't said anything to anyone all day.
All in all, (6 months in) I now go into work every day feeling anxious, and leave feeling defeated. I will say that my REAL boss doesn't seem to have any issues with me. He's a generally cranky guy but especially recently he seems to be pleased with the work I put out. The issue now really feels like a peronal one that she has about me. I will hear her asking him if I've messed up anything, and he'll say no. I feel like although I've learned a lot, there are still a lot of things I'm not grasping fully because I'm not allowed to ask about them. My coworkers are all planning their exits in the next few weeks and have advised me to do the same. I've espressed my fears to them about how I may not be picking things up quickly enough, and they all confirm that my work is fine, especially for being pretty new to the job. The only reason why I want to keep this job is because I wanted to have something for my resume for grad school (I'd be applying in the Fall). I'm not sure if it's even worth it anymore, with the mental damage she seems to be doing to me.
Would really appreciate any sort of guidance, because I'm pretty sure she qualifies as a narcissist. I will end by saying she's generally disliked by clients, employees, and argues with her husband in the office almost every day. He'll tell her to "shut up" and "leave him alone" right in front of us. It feels like just a super toxic place to be in in general. I will say again that I'm new to the work field and that I could also just need to grow up and deal with it. My plan was to stick it out until the winter (stay for a year) and then leave.

Hi all,
I (26F) have been struggling lately with my emotions and overthinking, and I could really use some advice.
Here's some background: When I was in high school, I met a boy online who was just a couple of years older than me. We dated for a while, broke up, and then got back together after I helped him through a rough patch. I even moved to the state he went to school in to be with him. I was young and naive at 18, and he was 20. Not long after moving, I found out he was cheating on me. Despite this, I took him back because I believed in our relationship.
We dated for two years until he decided to study abroad. I wasn't comfortable with this, especially after the cheating incident, but I didn't want to hold him back. Unfortunately, I caught him lying again, which led to a big fight where I said some hurtful things. When he came back after the semester, we had an awkward 7-hour hangout, and that was the last time we were really in contact.
Less than a year later, he was dating someone new, and I focused on my healing. I moved back to home to deal with some serious health issues and other serious personal stuff. I hoped he would want to work things out, but I never heard from him.
Years passed, and I moved on, even dated someone else briefly. Then, out of the blue, I heard from an old friend that my ex had been asking about reaching out to her randomly. I confronted him, but nothing came of it.
To add on... 2 more years later ... our mutual friend told me she reached out to him to just say hello because she really did like him and was happy to be friends with him. they bonded well so i wasnt upset that she missed having convos with him.
her feedback.... he never mentioned that hes still with the same girl, that they moved across country together.... and have been dating for (should be 4 years at that point). and from what she told me , it was almost like he was curious about me and said something similar to "if the universie thinks its meant to be , maybe we can be kosher" and "i thought about reaching out to her if im ever in town"...... theres no way he'd just randomly be "in town".
Recently, I saw a photo of him proposing to her. While I'm happy for him, it hurts deeply because I always imagined we'd be endgame. Seeing him move on so quickly after me has left me feeling inadequate and anxious.
In a perfect world, that night he came to drop my shirt off, I would have told him, "I love you, I'm sorry, and can we start over?" But because he was so unpredictable, I didn't want to look foolish and give him the satisfaction of knowing he could keep hurting me and I'd still stay.
I've built a career, handled my medical issues, and gotten into my dream grad program after graduating w/ my undergrad. Yet, I can't shake this gut-wrenching feeling. Did I not mean as much to him? Why was I so easily replaced? Maybe I'm delusional, but I always thought we'd get married and grow old together. Perhaps he never really felt the same and just felt stuck with me.
No one prepares you for the pain of watching your first love build a life without you. How do I move forward from this and stop feeling like I wasn't enough? How can I manage my emotions and overthinking in a healthy way? If anyone has advice on how to handle these emotions and stop overthinking, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks for reading. This felt really good to write out and validate my own feelings...
TL;DR: Struggling with emotions and overthinking after my first love moved on and got engaged. Need advice on coping and moving forward

Deep down I knew I don’t need permission or confirmation that my mother is generally malignant and the ultimate source of suffering in my life right now. But I can’t accept why my own mother would do that to me.
So I am turning to you for advice, support, and insights for ways to separate yourself emotionally and individuate from your parents later in life when you should've done so much much earlier. The adult part of me knows what I should do but there is also a part of me that is frightened. let me give you a snapshot of my life trajectory. The story is long but I want to give you as much contexts as possible. If you want a short summary of the dilemma, go to the last paragraph, otherwise, here is my life story (it is long because I want to give as much context as possible, and also show clues for the many different ways a narcissistic parent can disrupt your life): I grew up in a well-to-do family in an East Asian country, my parents gave birth to me when they were in their early 20s and just as their business started taking off in the 'boom years'. Both of them came from very broken family, my mother suffered poverty, abuse, and neglect from her parents (she did not speak to her dad until he died, and almost never acknowledges her mother). My father was the least favourite child in his family of three, he dropped out of high school, ended up on the street (and, as I learnt a few years ago, later in prison for getting into fights). My mother met my dad (21) when she was 19 and ran away from her hometown, they grew a very successful business together in the early to mid 20s and became incredibly wealthy for a society that is generally still very poor. I had a lot of luxuries in my early childhood, we had a car, I had good clothing, but my parents were never around. I started boarding at the age of 3, and generally spent most of my time outside of kindergarten and school with my paternal grandparents, and occasionally, my mum's mother. My parents fought a lot, and I remember my mother threatening to take me away from my dad and drove away from home with me in a car with nowhere specific to go. Once things got really bad and my mother told me that she is divorcing my father, and we even went into another flat (for a grand total of 1 day) before returning home. She emotionally smothered me, told me that she would die for me and nobody would love me as much as her. As the expression in our language puts it ' You are a piece of flesh fallen from my body'. She hit me a lot, often over small things , sometimes in public, I remember being thrown outside of our apartment and crying in the corridor. But I thought she was better than my father, whom, in my mother's words, would swiftly remarry in an event of her death/departure, and I would then be abused by another evil mother in law and her offsprings. My dad was completely absent from my childhood save for the first year (I remember playing video game, going to the park with him at the age of 3).
Although my family was wealthy, my mother took me out of the posh international school I was in after 6 months and sent me to a state school that is (in)famous for being extremely strict and militant. I was a 'good, smart kid' in primary school, but when I got to the state school at the age around 12 or 13, I became very depressed and that life has no purpose. I was falling at almost all school subjects (except History), and I started drinking (my dad drank a lot, and alcoholism is culturally tolerated if not perpetuated). At this point something happened that saved me in retrospect. My family decided to emigrate to an anglophone New World country and I went to yet another boarding school there. Yes, I experienced racism and generally felt horrible about the way I looked (not good looking in the Western sense or sporty), but I got to be separated from my family and grew as an individual. My grades got better, and by year 12, 13 I was among the best performing students. Between 13-18, I rarely see my father (perhaps once or twice a year), my mother would visit periodically, they bought a house next to the school, so I started to live in the house (mostly alone, sometimes with my mother and whatever hapless young women she manipulated into being her assistant). My parents couldn't speak English, and I dealt with most family matters, as with many first gen immigrant kid. By the time that I was supposed to go to university, I wanted to do law & politics at the public university in my adopted hometown but then my father intervened stating that I would never get a good job at a respectful company with a degree from the backwater 2nd rate university. He insisted that I should go to the U.K. or the U.S. He also stopped me from taking a gap year to travel, so I mostly stayed at home, played game, whilst being a driver and an assistant to them for a year. I regret not leaving home and getting a job. I applied to many universities in the U.K, Canada, and Australia, got into most of them, and ended up choosing the worst ranked university because I wanted to be in London. I couldn't do a conjoint degree so I chose to study politics (as that's what I was interested in). University life was eye opening, I got to see Europe, realised that the world was much bigger than the conformist, conservative East Asian country and the backwater suburbs with strip-malls and junk food stores I grew up in. But the degree did not prepare me for life, and all those years of bad parenting, emotionally under-development made me miserable in my first taste of adult relationships. I chose emotionally distant if not abusive friends, was a horrible person who hurt people who actually liked me and loved me. I did no internship or travel because I was expected to go home during school holiday, helping them move house, looking after guests, and being the 'little husband' when my mother was giving brith to my youngest sibling. I really wanted to stay in London, I looked for jobs, very random jobs because I had no life skills and never ever made my own money. So in the end, I left, and had to return to East Asia. By this time, my father had moved to another, more cosmopolitan East Asian city as his lifestyle became more and more extravagant. I lived with him and started interning at a fancy company in the culture industry. I worked there for almost a year hoping they would offer me a job, they did not. I got another job fairly soon in brand consulting, and finally at the age of 23 started making money. I had a relationship with an older woman, she was kind and tolerant, and I was an arse. I also realised that I cannot combine intimacy and sex at this point. I tried to start my own freelancing consultancy, acquired the ability to impress other people (faking it). Things seem to be working, I almost made enough money to support my life, but I was fundamentally lost and unhappy. I had the first depressive episode in my life. I wanted to go back to London, to get a Masters degree. So I applied and got into my dream school, my father agreed to pay for my education, so off I went to university again. That was probably the happiest year of my life, it turned out I loved elements of academia, research, being with other smart nerdy people. I met an intelligent, caring, and beautiful woman, and we moved in together soon after. I discovered more fulfilling, freer ways to live, I found proofs that a successful life was not just about working for an investment bank, or being rich. I wanted to be an academic, so I applied for a PhD at the school, and I got in after two attempts. Academia isn't all rosy, the work condition is pretty awful, the publish or perish mentality literally sucks every last bit of joy and fulfilment out of research, I loved teaching, but quickly learnt that teaching matters little at a 'research university'. I got fat, my relationship got really bad, sex became non-existent, arguments soon turned physical, and I thought that I was a real piece of shit and better off dead. The only thing that kept me going at the time? Bitterness and shame. I felt indebted to everyone, to my partner because I was an abusive arsehole, and to my family because I was stupid enough to do a PhD and wasting their money (and my life away). The pandemic hits, and sure enough, things got even worse, I felt like I couldn't carry on anymore and that I needed to radically un-f my life. My solution to this: was to finally become the person my family wanted me to be, filial, loyal, and rich. I was ready to threw my life in London away, everything, my home, my girlfriend, my PhD and move back to East Asia to become rich, and 'stop being a loser'. I came home to 'fix my family' and showered everyone with love and attention in ways I never did. I networked and explored ways to get into finance, and I got an at a VC firm. Soon enough, the whole thing completed backfired and my life started to unravel faster than I could count to three. I hated the internship, it fundamentally clashed with who I was and my value, I cried everyday in the toilet at work. I also broke up with my girlfriend for a person who was the poplar opposite of her that I had no attachment to (and sex was great because there was zero emotional intimacy). Within 3 months, I had very little savings left, was living in a short term rental apartment, and spent most of my time in bed and eating very unhealthily. Luckily, I had a therapist, a good friend in Shanghai, and my girlfriend was willing to give me a second chance. It was also around this time I realised how my family's (what do you even call it) emotional neglect might have contributed to my unhappiness and depression. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and medicated, the medicine helped for me to move out of paralysis. But I wanted to tell my family that I am very unwell and get them to love me back, so I confronted them over things they have done to me as a kid and showed them the diagnosis. My mother did not handle this well. She called me horrible names, made fun of me, and accused me for being a horrible son. This whole ordeal made me realise that I needed to break away from them, and what I had thrown away in London was actually the most valuable things I have in life, a career, a family, my own identity. After confronting my mother over her abusive behaviour and emotional smothering, she vowed to never see me again. However, after 6-8 months, she sent me a large chunk of money for my birthday. So I, stupidly, let her back into my life again, a part of the reason was the financial help that I needed (to feel safe mostly), but I also really wanted to see proofs that my parents actually did love and accept me after all. At first, things got better, she came for Christmas, visited a few times, celebrated her birthday, and looked really happy. Both my partner and I spent a lot of time with her, bought her gifts, cooked for her, and hang out with her to make sure she feels loved. But soon, she started complaining that she actually had a horrible time and was mistreated by my partner. To make matter worse, a year and half after I left home for the last time thinking that I would never go back, my parents promise to buy me a flat (and started to pressure me to get married). I accepted the flat, thinking that it would offer stability and freedom (pushing away the past experience of their emotional neglect and abusiveness). Sure enough, the flat became yet another way for my mother to mess with my life. It had daunted on her that I am about to become my own person and live in the flat and start a family of my own, so she lashed out and said if my girlfriend lives there she would sue me and reclaim the flat. She then went behind my back and started disputing the flat's ownership. We have already spent a lot of time and energy planning the move and all of this is happening just 2/3 weeks from the move-in. I have a demand job that requires a lot of cognitive focus, and I feel like I am spending a decent chunk of my day trying to resolve the situation in addition to processing the emotional toll of having my own mother out to destroy my life. I know I have a job, a family, and my own life, and I have a good legal case, but I also feel so unsafe, violated, and confused. I can almost feel the voice in my head telling me that this is all my doing, and that I am too weak. It is like I know what I need to do cognitively but emotionally I am paralysed. Do you think what I mean? What would you do?

Maybe it's just me thinking this but since this guy left the game has had shit show after shit show.
The anniversary event screw up was bad but not to the point it made anyone leave, and the compensation was bad and even had to be re-thought over because they made people BUY the free milestones, but they changed it and made people happy enough. Now the game is just full of bugs, some old ones still not fixed, and other stuff like:
Forge not evading even though he has been out since December
Iron patriot doesn't assist the cabal unless placed in a certain order, which is what I experienced myself the other day in the OML event.
The new raids being messed up and put out too early WITHOUT testing anything again.
The T4 situation where people are getting less T4 now, and they said it would be an increase in T4 rewards. Personally, I thought they were just going to ADD T4 to spotlight raids giving us the daily T4 from incursion and spotlight raids, as well as the seasonal rewards from raids every 2 weeks, but no they took them away for no reason.
The refusal to go back over old game modes and sort them out even though this is what new players will see and force them to leave because of how bad they are.
Gold cost got increased with crimson gear out and level increase but no gold income increase at all.
The new legendary being gated by star requirements, even though they changed this outdated system for a fairer gameplay system a couple of years ago.
Milestones getting worse each time, F2P used to be able to do all milestones as long as they were in the game a lot and the whales and krakens had the leaderboards, but now they can't even get close to the end any more
Mephisto rework because krakens didn't like the fact that he was the most broken thing in the game already, and beats all teams on offence and most teams on defence, no, they had to have him beat everything on defence as well, even Cabal within their own game mode CC...
Do you remember when Tadano Mac did DD for the first time? They put his name in game in the background of one of the maps, the one where you fight on top of a building, it's on a billboard. They gave BRB 3 diamonds on OML AND gave him 7 yellow 7rs on him on top, when everyone else can't get past 5 yellow 2 RS right now...
The game has become a kraken only game, and each blog post seems to get worse and worse and make this game unbearable to play as of late. I'm by no means a F2P player and months ago I would go as far as I was a bit of a dolphin/whale, until I thought there was no point any more in buying offers because the game is just not enjoyable any more, and all I buy now is the passes to keep me a flout

Goals: reduce breakouts, get rid of hyperpigmentation, reduce pore size.
Background: hormonal acne with scarring. Sensitive skin. My skin does well with gel like products, not creams.
I stopped using Tret for a while because I did not like the breakouts from it. However I now realize I was overusing the product. It wasn’t that the tret wasn’t working, I just should not have been using it every night for my skin specifically.
I recently used Dr. Dennis Gross extra strength peel and my skin liked that as well, but again I started overusing the product which resulted in breakouts.
I also want to have some sort of rest day from strong products. Maybe just an intense moisture focused day. Or find a very very gentle product that still assists with acne to use on this rest day. Any recommendations ?
Products I currently use: - Cerave face wash - Tret .5% - Dr. Dennis Gross Extra Strength peel - innersense green tea serum (moisturizer at night) - Beauty of joseon glow deep serum (moisturizer in the morning) - Beauty of joseon sunscreen
What’s a schedule that I can create for these products? I only want to use Tret 2-3 times a week. And exfoliate 1-2 times a week maybe?? I really need some guidance on figuring out the best way to use products in a rotation. Any products I should add in ??
Any assistance is greatly appreciated! :)

Had this idea bouncing around in my head about the little ferret guy, Etholin Esila. I figured with him being a 'merchant lord' he'd want to start cutting deals with Emma once the initial curiosity and amazement over Earth tech would have passed. Not sure where this is going, if anywhere, but just wanted to get it out of my head and onto 'paper'.
Thanks to u/DndQuickQuestion for helping with feedback on earlier drafts.
Afternoon Transgracian Academy of Magical Arts
The hulking minotaur loomed menacingly over me. "Crawling along the floor suits you well, Merchant Lord Etholin Esila!” it boomed in an intimidating baritone. “Merchant Lord, pfah! Even a mangy cur such as that Mercenary Prince has a legacy of valor and martial prowess behind his dubious title, but you?”
An accusatory finger was jabbed in my direction. “Nothing but puffery and bluster to buttress your status as a glorified shopkeep! Your ilk claims to broker fair trade between the Realms, but those with integrity and honor recognize the deceit you employ to conjure false value from nothing." It was difficult to tell if Lord Auris Ping's tirade was aimed more at myself, the Esila clan, or the concept of inter-realm commerce in general.
At the moment, I was more concerned with herding my scattered belongings back into my satchel. While rushing to my next appointment, I had the dubious privilege of colliding with this mountain of a brute. Naturally I was on the losing side of that contest, and was sent tail over head to the floor, scattering the contents of my school satchel across the polished granite. Not one to pass up the chance at a crass display of dominance, Lord Ping had launched into the rant that everyone in earshot was currently enduring.
"Look at you, scrabbling on the floor to fetch your little trinkets, a fitting match for your base and covetous nature!" Fairly pedestrian, as far as character assassination went. I’d been called far worse while helping Father with trade negotiations, sometimes at sword or stave point. One had to develop quite a thick hide when engaging in cross-realm commerce. Especially with many realms having rather… absolutist opinions about the value of goods, like Lord Ping here. But I had zero interest in contesting his assertions, despite how idiotic they were.
Haggling or arguing with Pronarthians was a singularly wretched experience. They were infamous across the Realms for their single-mindedness and a compulsive need to have the last word that bordered on lunacy. I didn’t have the patience for the endless ingratiating flattery required to bore through such stubbornness. If that wasn’t enough, a gentleman of my stature also had to consider Pronarthians’ sizeism; specifically their intrinsic respect for the larger and taller races.
And that was merely the average Pronarthian! Arguing with a belligerent lout, accustomed to deference as Lord Ping? I'd sooner try my hand at flying out the nearby window. At least the loamy soil below would give me a fighting chance, or a jagged rock would grant me the mercy of a swift end.
Instead, I busied myself putting my things in order, taking special care with one item in particular. It was a set of memory crystals I received from the Earthrealmer, Cadet Emma Booker. It was part of a ‘transdimensional cultural exchange pilot program,’ as she had described it with her nation’s peculiar bureaucratic jargon. I had previously conducted similar transactions in my initial dealings with Cadet Booker, and it was those first tentative steps that convinced me to make Cadet Booker a full-fledged premiere trade partner of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company, the pride of the Esila clan.
The myriad tomes and treatises from Earthrealm, such as the riveting "The Wealth of Nations," amply demonstrated that Earthrealm had an extremely sophisticated understanding of commerce, finance, and logistics. But it was the ‘video archive footage,’ transferred onto memory crystals for ease of viewing, that convinced me at a visceral level that these Earthrealmers were a sound investment. I felt it on my whisker-tips, as the commoners back home would say.
"May I offer a helping hand, Lord Esila?" inquired a familiar voice. I looked up to see a scaly, clawed hand extended toward me. “And perhaps a sympathetic ear? After all, that was a rather nasty bit of slander from Lord Ping, would you not agree?”
Wonderful. This nonsense again.
While I had been lost in thought contemplating Ocean Breeze’s latest windfall, Lord Ping seemed to have lost interest and resumed going about his business. Taking his place, as always, was Lord Qiv Ratom, ever ready to sift through the rubble of Lord Ping's latest ham-fisted antics for personal gain. "You will find that my views differ considerably from Lord Ping's. I, for one, admire the manner in which you extract value from your trade partners. After all, does it not require skill and cunning to convince the customer that your wares are worth far greater than their true value? Such nuance and subtlety is lost on the likes of Auris Ping, content to strong-arm what he desires from others."
I paused for a moment, at a loss for words. His tone suggested his 'praise' was sincere, but only stoked my ire further. What in the thrice-damned Hells did he think he was accomplishing? Did he really think that telling me, "Well, I still regard you as a thief, but I APPRECIATE your thieving nature, unlike that uncouth lout!" was going to win me over? Dealing with parties with this attitude to commerce and trade was tedious at best. But ever since making acquaintances with Cadet Booker, whose people's understanding and appreciation of commerce rivaled the Nexians, dealing with the likes of Ping and Ratom was nigh UNBEARABLE.
I rattled off the usual rigmarole we used at Ocean Breeze for clients we wished to keep at arm's length. "With respect, Lord Ratom, the value of the goods we sell is determined by the customer's needs and circumstances. The merchants of my clan arbitrate prices taking such factors into consideration. We see it as our responsibility to provide equitable trade that is not only beneficial to all parties, but also provides fair compensation for the tradesmen involved in executing the transaction."
"But of course, it is as you say," replied Lord Ratom with his signature oily charisma. "Fair and equitable trade, according to the customer's circumstances. Thus, you are but a facilitator of the Fates, a most humble tool of Destiny itself. And one who collects a respectable commission, at that," he continued. He stopped short of winking conspiratorially, but the impish grin playing across his features was a fine substitute. Every mote of my being wanted to shake him until he shed his skin. He continued, "Your... humility aside, my admiration of your clan's cunning and resourcefulness still stands. The insight of one so skilled is always welcome within my inner circle, should you wish to grace us with your presence."
It took all my restraint to not tell him into which orifice he could jam his charity-case friendship offer. After all, I'd been keeping far better and more like-minded company of late. Company that the Baralonian lord was likely dying to ingratiate himself with, given how Cadet Booker and her peer group had taken pains to keep Lord Ratom and his entourage of gossips at arm’s length. Instead, I left the smug reptile’s offer dangling in the air, twisting in the wind for a few agonizing moments while I finished tidying my things. Rising to my feet, I finally replied, "An offer most generous and kind. I will of course, have to consider the circumstances of both customer and merchant. Surely you would not begrudge a humble servant of Fate for waiting for the most auspicious circumstances?" Even at my best, I was hardly a master of rhetoric, so crudely tossing his words back at him was the best I could do.
"As you please, Lord Esila," replied Lord Ratom, finally sensing his return on investment wouldn't be worthwhile, leaving me alone to stew in the hallway. Such was the game played among the aristocracy. I looked down at the bundle of memory crystals in my hands, contemplating on their origin, and how Earthrealm could change how the Esila clan, perhaps even all of Rontalis, played the game.
I continued on my way, thoughts heavy once more.
Evening Ocean Breeze Trading Company, Elaseer Offices, Private Chambers
The Elaseer branch office of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company was a modest affair by Nexian standards, a second-storey affair nestled on the edge of the warehouse district. The restrained yet tasteful trappings were a calculated decision of the Esila clan, proprietors of the trading company. A fine balance had to be struck when it came to outward appearances, after all. Some measure of artful decoration was necessary to appease the Nexian eye’s obsession with projecting might and wealth, but not so much that it would attract too much attention.
Only in the private chambers would a guest finally see some personality in the decor, and a generous measure at that. These were the chambers of the nobleman assigned stewardship of these offices, Lord Rikad Esila, uncle to Etholin Esila. Colorful murals with aquatic motifs adorned the walls, highlighted with tastefully matching lacquered panels featuring artwork done in mother-of-pearl inlay. Similar decor was present in the dining room, where uncle and nephew were currently enjoying what Rikad thought would be a leisurely dinner.
CRACK!
The sharp sound rang out loud and clear in the small room, the source being a steamed crab claw, dashed to pieces on a smooth river stone placed between the two diners at the table.
Lord Rikad's branch of the Esila line hailed from the wetlands of Rontalis that opened up into the sea, and they regularly partook of the ocean's bounty. In antiquity, they were known to smash shellfish and other armored morsels against stones they carried with them to lay bare the tasty prizes within. This dining set configuration was a modern interpretation of that old tradition, with a communal stone for guests to open their shellfish.
Of course, such a homestyle service was available solely behind closed doors and shuttered windows and only then to Rikad and his close associates. Here in the Crownlands, such a 'barbarous and unseemly' artifact would be frowned upon by the prevailing Nexian culture and their gold and mother-of-pearl seafood forks that split the shell with a simple tap. But young Etholin labeled that languid dining as a boring conversational backdrop, inferior to the communal excitement of a well-placed strike.
Etholin’s spirited strike had a strong measure of anger behind it, a fact not lost on Rikad. "Steady now, lad. The aim is to crack the shell, not grind it to powder," chided Rikad, an otter clothed in well-tailored robes that melded practicality with muted elegance. He looked aged and gray compared to the ferret-like Etholin, clad in sumptuous silks and embroidery that assertively declared the young lord’s wealth and standing. Etholin hung his head in embarrassment. "Apologies, Uncle. I lost the reins of my temper."
"Well now, aggravated enough to make a mess of my dining set," observed the older gentleman. "It takes a great deal to get your humors churning like this, from my experience. So tell me lad, what urchin needles you?"
"Ugh, more Academy theatrics, what else? With Lords Auris Ping and Qiv Ratom being today’s star players."
"Ah, The Dunce and the Devil," remarked Rikad, nodding with understanding. This wasn't the first time his nephew had related the pestilent pair’s antics. "What two-act farce did they put on this time?"
"Ping opened with the usual blather about merchants being honorless tricksters, with Ratom swooping in to capitalize on the aftermath. Textbook at this point, really," explained Etholin, waving his hand dismissively. "It... it was just the way those two put forward their thoughts. In isolation, each would have been merely irritating. But with one following the other, I was ready to grind my fangs to nubs! To be cursed as a thief on one side, only to be praised as a thief on the other! It was like they were wielding ignorance as one would a greatsword, and managed to cut me with both edges! Gods, I wanted to THROTTLE the idiocy out of them!"
"‘Tis to be expected," said Rikad in consolation. "A great many noble families, even entire Realms at times, came about their status through force of arms or magical prowess, and thus they hold a dim view of commerce as a profession. It is a routine chore for us, navigating around them to find those with less absolutist views on the worth of goods, or more forgiving definitions of 'honest work'. An Adjacent Realm that does not cheat its creditors by altering the weight of its coins or debasing them with base metals and insisting otherwise while hiding behind the safety of their portal is worth its weight in gold."
"Sometimes I feel we ought to cut them out of our affairs entirely and deal with the Nexians, directly and exclusively," mused Etholin bitterly.
"Now, now, though your anger is justified, that's hardly reason for it to take hold of your mind's rudder," cautioned Rikad with a frown. "The Nexians have well-developed philosophies on trade in line with our own, but we only have the resources of a single Realm at our disposal, while the Nexians can leverage the bounty of their never-ending and mana-rich lands. Dealing solely with a behemoth that can devour us with a thought, no matter how frictionless those dealings are, is hardly my idea of a beneficial partnership."
Etholin sighed. "As always, your counsel is sensible, Uncle. Like I said, I lost the reins of my temper in a moment of weakness."
"Don't be so sour on things like this, lad. Our base nature gets the better of us at times, that is the animal within that we all struggle with. That you acknowledged such a lapse and took back the helm is proof that civility prevails. But, enough moping about!" Rikad jumped out of his seat with a little pep in his step. "Looks like we need to guide you back into good spirits, and I know JUST the thing for gentlemen such as us," concluded the elder merchant, twirling his whiskers playfully.
"Somehow I think a night at the theater or music halls will do little for me, Uncle. Or are you suggesting we seek respite at the bottom of a tankard?"
Rikad snorted derisively. "Oh please, I'm not senile yet, pup! Since when has SPENDING money brought joy to anyone worthy of the Esila name?" That made Elothin perk up a bit. Rikad continued, "No, I speak of a PROPER good time, I speak of..."
"COMMERCE!" they cried out in unison, fists held aloft in a triumphant pose. "Does that mean..." began Etholin.
"Indeed, we've just received the latest prototypes for the centralized mana ampoule, linking cords, and so-called 'mana motors'. Perfectly timed with the parts delivery from Cadet Booker not two days ago. Sukie, be a dear and clear this up, and have the remainder bundled up and sent to the young master's rooms at the Academy." Rikad motioned for the housekeepers to clear the table, then ushered Etholin to his private offices where they could discuss business strategy in depth.
Uncle Rikad’s offices were more than just a cozy place where Etholin could get a taste of home. Officially, Rikad was stationed here to oversee the administration of this branch office of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company. In reality, the office was a means to circumvent the Academy's prohibition against students communicating regularly with their home realm. Many aristocratic families employed similar cheats and dodges involving ‘familial duties’ and ‘business obligations’ to skirt the rules. If the Nexians cared about closing such loopholes, they didn’t show it. Perhaps the quaint maneuverings of their lessers amused the elves, who could say?
In this case, Rikad and Etholin were leveraging this loophole to the fullest, as they strategized on how to execute the next steps of their latest commercial venture, which Rikad would then relay to the head offices in Rontalis. As their planning session drew to a close, Rikad remarked on the time. “Well, it would seem that evening has fast become night. You are welcome to stay overnight here, as always, or perhaps you would prefer to retire to the Academy dormitories? Either way, I doubt you’d want to watch an old man doze off in his reading room listening to music.”
At the mention of leisure time, Etholin's eyes widened in surprise, and he began rooting around in his satchel. "Oh goodness, I entirely forgot!"
"What is it, lad?"
"Oh, Cadet Booker has provided us with more of her 'video archive files', transcribed to memory crystal," explained Etholin as he produced the set of crystals from his satchel, perfectly sized for the compact projection device that Rikad kept in his rooms.
"Ah, splendid! Another of the young lady's documentary presentations on commerce? Or perhaps one of her theatrical serials? Both are fine ways to while away the night."
“I’m not sure, but Cadet Booker said we would enjoy them a great deal,” said Etholin as he placed the crystal into the office's projector. As the machine spooled up, a moving image was cast onto the whitewashed wall across the room. As with all Earthrealm recordings, it was entirely mundane, bereft of any sign of manafields. Compared to mana based memory shards, Earthrealm recordings felt like faded sketches. None of that hindered the recording's impact on the viewers.
"Hoh? This is-" exclaimed Rikad, eyes lighting up in recognition.
An Earthrealmer with a thick, lustrous beard strode into view, his confidence and enthusiasm palpable despite the muted colors of the recording. The Earthrealmer’s voice rang out from the projector, carrying that same confidence and infectious enthusiasm like a barker worthy of the title of Grand Master.
Rikad and Etholin cheered in unison.
"HI! BILLY MAYS HERE, WITH ANOTHER GREAT PRODUCT!"

So I (20 F) have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (22 M) for four years now. We recently had a discussion regarding a problem that's been eating at him for months now: He mentioned that he's been feeling attracted to other people for long periods of time. His mental health has really taken a toll over this, and he feels so very guilty and has been feeling some sense of self loathing.
I asked him to describe the feeling, and these are what he told me:

• Hes had multiple 'crushes' over the course of our relationship, usually lasting for periods of up to 6 months or so, and that it ebbs and disappears. but lately hes been really anxious about a future where his 'crushes' escalate.
• He says the crush isn't romantic in a sense that he wouldn't date them if he could. He used the term "infatuation" and mentioned that it stems from their artistic abilities or physical appearance.
• He described the feeling as "wanting to be a closer" to them. As far as He told me, he seeks to be a closer friend and makes the effort to do so. ( The current people he's crushing on are part of an organization that he is also part of.) He says it gives him a rush of happiness when he chats with them and they respond, but it gives him sadness when they don't reply or leave him on red, intense enough to impact his mood for the day.
• He mentioned that hes been making progress to try and crub the "crushing" behavior by talking to them less but he says its been hard. He describes it as "feeling like its wrong, but wanting to do it anyways".

while we talked, I did try to make him feel understood. I shared my experience of feeling attracted to other people in the course of my relationship. But i couldn't connect with the length of the infatuation and the intensity. For me, it lasts like a week or two and i never feed the feeling ( never tried to talk to them unprompted or make the effort to seek them out). The attraction was not enough to impact my mood either.
I made boundaries in the relationship and i told him i dont like it if he lets his crushing get in the way of our relationship. i told him i wasn't comfortable if in situations, he chooses to stay or hangout with his crushes if i invited him out or was looking for him. etc.,
I also asked him if it stemmed from dissatisfaction in our relationship, to which he said no. He said he was happy in the relationship and that he could not see a future with the people he's infatuated. He also affirmed that in terms of physical appearance, talent, etc., he said he thought i was more attractive. He said he never considered leaving me for them either. When we fought, he didnt confide in them or seek comfort either.
there was a particularly 'intense' crush though that i picked up on months back. he mentioned being into this one girl who he talked to alot but given the fact that the infatuation had faded, because of the built friendship he couldn't just disappear. She was the kind to initiate calls with all her friends, so they were calling. I called him and caught it. I felt very hurt by it, and he deeply apologized. Now that the infatuation has faded, he rarely talks to her now. Whenever they call he informs me about it, which helps i guess.
He mentioned thinking it was a fear of commitment thats making him act this way. He said he had an inkling of it before we started our relationship, and has mentioned it before. (I always reassured him that we didn't have to take our relationship to marriage, but just take it to where we can. If it lasts, great. If it doesnt, then it is what it is.)
I think its important to mention that he doesn't come from a complete and happy family. I cant divulge much since its his story to tell, but i can say his father and uncles(father and mother's side) all have a history of cheating. hes seen the damage it caused to his mother, and i think its a factor of why hes beating himself so much over this and so very fearful of what it could cause. Hes really fearful for our relationship, his future and what ' emotional harm' he could do.
At this point i was really concerned and didn't want him to spiral into a mental break because of this. But all i know is my perspective on things, and for me normal to feel attraction while still being in a relationship. Im not experienced enough to say what hes going through is normal or a cause for concern. I also dont want to make him feel like hes crazy, wrong or 'dirty' or so. (He grew up super Christian, so monogamous values are tightly instilled him him)
I did opened up the possibility he was just not meant for monogamy. I've met people who are polyamorous, and if he is also more comfortable in a relationship like that, whose to say its wrong? But considering that line of thought as well, i was honest and told him im not comfortable with a poly relationship and would advice considering if were actually right for each other.
We both came to the agreement about seeking therapy, not just for this 'crushing' thing, but also for how much mental anguish its causing him. (Unfortunately, due to the country we live in and money constraints, therapy isn't largely available and the best we could do is a counselor in our college)
still i wanted to ask the opinion from the people of reddit, people who are much more experienced, and people who have different perspectives on the situation.
Please tell us, if you are in a long term relationship, is this something you are experiencing? If so, is there anyway to help him feel less guilty about this, or maybe cope better with his periods of crushing? Thanks so much in advance!
tldr; my bf (M 22) has been infatuated with multiple people over the course of our relationship. Hes wracked with guilt about it and doesn't know how to deal with it.

I have noticed that a lot of people view medication in terms of how long it lasts. In that it just switches off and you're mind stops working.
I understand that for some people with a severe condition this is a huge barrier to living a balanced life, but for most people I would recommend changing your mindset towards the medication.
It is just a bit of support to help get you going and put things together. Use the time when it starts working to write out a plan for the day ahead. Go on focusmate and spend 25 minutes planning the morning or afternoon you are about to embark on.
Use an app like Google Calendar, Structured or TickTick (Calendar mode) to map out the day ahead.
Get some wins under your belt early on. Many people who don't have ADHD and are not on medication also fizzle out at the end of the day. Our body is designed to do that with the cycle of the sun and the moon.
So make the most of your morning, and understand that later in the day all humans are better off trying to wind things down.
If your work is on another schedule (evening or night), then take this advice and adjust it as need be.
Watch your language, the thoughts that go on inside your mind. They not only become actions they become habits. Learn to reframe the experience whenever you feel defeated.
Instead of saying, “this is hopeless and i am not on the right medication or dosage”, just remind yourself that this is a work in progress and that you are infinitely better off than you were before diagnosis and tackling this issue with whatever strategies you're using.

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I’m considering buying the R1T but I’m concerned about the driver assist system. Here’s my perspective, because it’s all about perspective right. I’m loving the driving system of my other new car, Lexus NX hybrid 2024, it keeps the lane like a champ, even on unmarked roads. The steering wheel is pressure sensitive. Sooo, wink, I don’t have to deal with the car yelling at me to put my hands on the steering wheel all the time. Got that worked out. It’s just soooo easy to drive. And the performance is very reliable. But, from seeing some of these Rivian posts about their driver+ system, I’m concerned that I’ll be disappointed in it. And that is a deal breaker for me. I’m also concerned that the rivian steering wheel is capacitative touch, which is harder to “Deal with”. I’m not going to be happy if the rivian driver assist system is high maintenance and drops the lane often. Can anyone offer me a little more clarity on this subject?

Good morning, sorry to bother you. I report my situation knowing that I can't expect a specialist assessment, but I ask you to share an opinion basing on your knowledge of the topic and your own experience.
I feel the need to turn to a mental health specialist, because I experience humoral oscillations of great impact on my daily life: there are days when I can not get out of bed; I wake up several times during the day and I can’t find the strength to get up. There are days when, instead, I feel awake and energetic, I am active and I tend to be carried away by the possibilities that open up to me, even when it means taking the bike and leaving for days around Italy without organization and necessary (literally, I did). Sometimes, I get nervous and run around everywhere without being able to stop myself, I’m anxious and relentless. Others, I use too much energy to do the least and it takes me a lot of time to accomplish anything.
I have always been very private and quiet, but in the last 2 years (since I moved out of my family house), I have gradually cut off for neglect every close relationship I had and, despite spending almost all day everyday with my "new" friends, I have never been able to enter into intimacy, to speak sincerely about me (except for some cases but under the influence of Mdma)
I used to have a vibrant emotional-sexual life, but I can’t even think about approaching anyone anymore. I feel uncomfortable and inadequate, I don’t know what to say and I tend to avoid those I like.
I suffer from being economically supported by my parents, who pass me the money to live on, rent and whatever expenses I may have. I have tried to find odd jobs, but I am a person with a strong political consciousness and the frustration of the injustices of the world of work make it impossible for me to make any occupation I find last, because I feel terrible about wasting my life time to produce capital and precarity, in addition to always getting paid a pittance.
My parents tell me not to worry about money, that we are not rich and some sacrifices have to be made, but we are all doing well and not experiencing hardship. I, however, can't help but feel precarious and on the verge of falling. I have taken on debt for the two years of college without exams, it is not an impossible amount but every month of debt installment is an anguish. I am afraid that I am stealing all the money from my parents under the guise of building a future that I am not building, however, and I am afraid that one day I will have to leave the city and move back to my parents' house, maybe even do some long and heavy work, so that I will not die financially.
My parents, by the way, I treat them very badly. I never call them, I don't answer their messages, I give late notice when I get home, I treat them coldly, I make scenes, I talk harsh. I know they have their share of responsibility, but I feel guilty acting this way because I know they try their best, they sacrifice so much for me, and they are concerned. But I just can't treat them any differently, I feel a detachment toward them that I can't overcome. They know almost nothing about the people I hang out with, what I like, where I go and what I do. I never tell them anything, just like I never tell practically anyone anything, because I can't open up. Lately, I have also started lying (something I didn't do before), mostly to justify my absence in situations where it was important for me to be there.
When I moved out, I lived in an environment where there was a lot of smoking (even as a teenager anyway, I drank and smoked quite a bit), and right around that time, I was involved in an abnormal and unpleasant situation, which I know affected me severely emotionally. And from there I started smoking lots and lots of joints. I think I burned out my brain (I feel much more stupid even when I don't smoke) and I can't quit. It happens that I succeed for short periods and often causes of force majeure (a few days, maybe a week or two), but then I always relapse and start smoking again from when I wake up to when I go to sleep, even avoiding social situations if possible, as long as I stay at home smoking alone on the couch and doing the same things in a loop (fixing the photo portfolio, trying to fix the computer, trying to write a book, ...). And I can never even get what I'm doing done.
I'm afraid I'm bipolar or something like that, honestly.