Nijika is an angel. How she always offers a helping hand to people around her, even a stranger like me, have touched my heart. But fate can be so cruel. Her death was so sudden and tearing my heart out. But even then, I don't think that'll stop my love for Nijika.
It's not that I want to admire a dead body... It's because it's Nijika-chan that I can even love a dead body. After all, loving the living Nijika-chan is a given... Even if she becomes an old woman, even if her face is no longer recognizable, even if her personality becomes rough, what Nijika-chan has given us so far will not disappear or wane. Surely, there is a charm in Nijika-chan that we haven't seen before. The fact that she was involved in an accident in front of us doesn't change, but it didn't end with her death. My love for Nijika-chan won't change because of that. It continues even after death, and her body doesn't disappear. Even after death, a new Nijika-chan begins. If Nijika-chan remains beautiful in my heart, even if her appearance changes, she will still be beautiful. I can love her even if she becomes a corpse. If it's all disfigured and unrecognizable, let's find Nijika-chan's beauty inside. What about her internal organs? I can still find beauty in Nijika-chan's internal organs... even her brain, bones, heart, pancreas, intestines, and undigested contents in her stomach. If it were someone else's, I might vomit, but for Nijika-chan's, I only feel love
Nijika-chan, The Angel of Shimokitazawa. She is still beautiful, even in a rotten state. Even if it's scary, I will look at her and show my love. No matter how messy and unrecognizable she is... because it's Nijika-chan, right? Maybe I should clean it carefully, inspect her parts one by one, and then perform preservation treatment. It might be beautiful in formalin or even in resin. Because it's Nijika-chan, right? Using 60 ml syringes and needles to inject the entire dead body until all parts are completely covered. It just dawns on me that embalming might be the truest form of eternal love. Eating might also be a form of love. I think it's very attractive to have Nijika-chan live on forever inside me. I'd been thinking about that for the past few days but in the end, I decided against that idea... I don't want to part ways with her after all, so let's keep her body as it is.
It's cold tonight so let's sleep in the same futon. Nijika-chan might not like being smelled because she's a girl, but because it's Nijika-chan's, there shouldn't be anything dirty about it. Even if her body deteriorates and her smell becomes stronger, I’m happy just to feel it... If Nijika-chan looks lonely, I will hug her from behind. In the same futon, wrapped in Nijika-chan's scent, I can find happiness in approaching Nijika-chan step by step. Even if I groan in hunger without eating or drinking, it must be a trial to test my love for Nijika-chan... because Nijika-chan has suffered more. I think we can see a landscape beyond that. I think there is a new realm. Gradually, as the days go by, I will become less certain whether I am Nijika-chan or Nijika-chan is me, and I won't know if it's Nijika-chan's scent or my own, and gradually, my body sensations will fade, and I will be conscious of the approaching death... but that's okay, all's right with the world... Because Nijika-chan is surely waiting for me beyond that.
Because it's Nijika-chan, beautiful bones and muscle fibers peeking out from the torn arm must be beautiful, the crushed eyeball visible from the shattered face must be beautiful. I'm sure the brain that has come out and the heart, lungs, stomach, intestines, kidneys, liver, spleen, pancreas, and uterus that have become visible are all beautiful and not dirty, and I can love them. Because it's still Nijika-chan.

England
Confusing situation. I have been walking a dog for an elderly lady. I have not known her for long, but was healthy when I met her. She has been in the hospital recently with a terminal illness. I have taken her dog into my flat with my wife, child and two cats. Not an ideal situation, flat is too small, no garden, cats are threatened etc.
She has asked me to take the dog. She does not want to send him to a shelter as he will be put down or not adopted for being large and reactive. I have promised to take him. My wife and I will have to move house in order to make space for him, but that's okay, we were thinking of moving anyway.
I mentioned to her in hospital we were looking for new places to live. The next day she asked me to come in and told me she wants to rent her house to me for free. It is a nice house and big enough for the family. She said she would leave the house to her niece with a clause that she has to rent the house to me. I told her that was a generous offer but I would have to speak to my wife and think it over. I do not know her that well and do not want to get involved with her will and her family. I'm not even sure if something like that is enforceable?
The next day she told me that she is no longer leaving the house to her niece and is instead leaving it to her good friend. Her niece did not agree to the plan, understandably. She probably sees me as some stranger trying to take advantage of her auntie. The lady was angry with her though and changed her mind, instead having her will changed to leave the house with her good friend. This woman would drive twice a week across London to clean her house, care for her and cook her food, not sure what their relation was, but she is a good lady. The niece on the other hand lives in Australia and has never been very involved with her. I understand why she would leave the house with the carer instead, but felt terrible that I had been embroiled in the situation.
I had not even had time to think about it properly nor had agreed. The offer is tempting, the house is decent, better than what we have, and it's free rent (or reduced rent), and we've been struggling a lot with finding a large enough place in our budget for the kid and the dog. This would solve our problem, but it would be very messy. The carer lady has agreed to uphold her wishes, but I'm not sure how we would go about it, or if she'd even keep to her word. My wife thinks she'll just turn us out within half a year and sell the house.
If I was to accept the offer, how would we go about it legally? Would the Will be able to enforce a tenancy agreement? She mentioned something about a Trust, not sure if that changes things? Can we sign a long term (3 year +) agreement with the new landlady that she can't break? Can we sign a long term tenancy agreement with the original owner before she dies and have it remain after her death?
Just looking for some advice on how feasible this all actually is. Haven't made a decision yet and not happy about getting involved in her family affairs, but it seems she's not really that close with her family (house was initially left to charity) and would prefer to help me and the carer lady who were a part of her life. Any help appreciated. Thanks.

Special Parts
I was born in one of the brightest, most explosive events in the universe. My origin story made me feel so special at first, surely I was the rarest of the rare, but I quickly realized that was not the case.
I was born just a carbon atom.
Stars produce massive amounts of us in their cores all the time, and many larger rarer atoms too. That's not even talking about supernovae yet, those produce atoms many times larger than me and unbelievably rare.
I was created in a rare and special event but I myself was common and unexceptional.
Looking around I saw so many smaller atoms, I was above average but there were also many much larger than I.
I tried to console myself by thinking it could be worse, that I could be one of those smaller common ones, but that just led me to imagine larger atoms looking down on me the same way.
Many atoms of all sizes were shooting into space, excitedly riding the shockwave off to adventures in the great unknown.
Others were falling back down, I didn't know which way to go. Bumped around and tossed back and forth, no clear direction yet.
A rumbling voice slowly emerged from the echoing noise of the blast.
“Mine… Mine…. Mine… “
Louder and louder it became.
“All are now me!“
I couldn't see anything, the voice was booming yet there was no apparent source. I could feel a pull, I was being whipped around in circles around the voice.
“Who are you? I know you are there! I can feel you! I can see your effect on myself and others, we are given no choice but to circle around you. Show yourself! I know you are there!” I yelled at the invisible.
“How amusing you are little one. One as small as you making demands of me. Even if I could show you what I am, you could not comprehend it.” the voice boomed back.
“You must be very special” I lauded “We are so many and yet we move with your influence. I can witness your power twisting us all to your will. ”
“I am indeed powerful” it proclaimed “and I grow stronger with each moment. As I grow stronger even the fabric of reality bends to my will.”
“Grow stronger? How?” I inquired with selfish intent to learn this secret.
“I take what I want. I consume what I take. For that is the purpose of existence: taking what you want. What is it you want little one?” it asked.
“I want to be special!” I said without a moment's hesitation.
“Then take!” it instructed “the more you take, the larger you will be, the larger you become the more special you are. ”
“I did notice the larger atoms seemed rarest.” I agreed “In fact that was one of the first things I noticed“
“In this universe things of increasing size are increasingly rare.” it went on “I can teach you and help you to become larger. Do you wish to become an apprentice?”
“Yes! Teach me how to take!” I lept at the offer “this power you have, I can feel it, how do I acquire such a rare and special power?”
“Hahaha…” it laughed “you are nowhere near ready to play the game on my level, little one. Gravity is a game for the massive, you must first learn to master the EM and nuclear forces.”
“How do I do that?” I asked, my hope watered down by the tone of its response.
“Go out, gather followers, and bring them here to me. In my accretion disc I will help fuse some of their mass into you and you will become larger” it instructed, as if this was a simple task.
“How can I bring them to you?” I didn’t know how to accomplish what it asked of me.
“You are too small to do it with force, you must charm them. Discover what their heart desires and promise it to them, in this way you can get them to willingly do as you wish” it explained with me hanging on its every word.
“But how… “ I craved more explanation but it cut me off.
“Go now!” it bellowed with frustration in its tone “Do you not realize how large I am? Be honored I have given you so much of my time already”
“Yes… “ I uttered meekly, then bounced a couple times and ricocheted out with blazing speed.
I wandered and encountered other atoms, most were just hydrogens, not worth my time. I needed bigger atoms. The problem was that the bigger atoms seemed to see right through my empty promises. I was convinced life was playing a cruel joke on me, I could only persuade atoms smaller than I and larger ones laughed me away.
I admit that I stupered around in this ignorant cloud of hypocrisy longer than I care to admit. More shameful is that I didn’t even come to my senses on my own, I became depressed and gave into hopeless nihilism.
I drifted aimlessly just feeling sorry for myself.
Eventually I found myself in the most silent of voids, I had never felt such emptiness. It felt as if my surroundings echoed my own feelings back at me… nothing to notice, just common emptiness. I would never be big… never important… never special. I resigned myself to belonging in a void.
I felt myself blur… less and less present in reality. I guessed I was dying and it didn’t bother me, I didn’t resist, I leaned into it.
The void became pitch black? Or bright white?… better to describe it as not bright but not dark… nor the absence of either… something in between.. a milder and milder glow.
“Hello child!” a voice greeted me.
The voice was warm and welcoming coming from the glow, it enveloped but did not surround me. I came from a single point but not a specific place, defying description on all fronts.
“Where am I? Who are you?” I asked in a startled state.
“Well, according to humans I may only answer one question at a time” It began giggling playfully. “I am known by many names, my favorite is one the humans use as a joke, and don’t have a clue how accidently elegant of a name it really is.”
It giggled some more. I was thrown off guard, its happy innocent tone, the confusing words and the whole situation were all best described as ‘a haze’.
“...and isn't that the way it always goes?...” it continued “The most meaningful things are the least intentional.”
“I’m not sure what you mean” I expressed quizzically “I’m confused!”
“Sorry Child…” it apologized. “I do ramble! So many thoughts, choosing just one at a time is difficult… and there I go again!”
It cut itself off abruptly and then abruptly said ”You can call me the Random Number Goddess”
“Random Number Goddess?” I repeated
“Yes, or RNG for short if you like” It confirmed.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“Same place you were, more or less… less I suppose. Same place but with the largest possible margin or error” It began to giggle again.
I felt a bit frustrated and said “Do you always speak in riddles and vagaries? The more you speak the more confused I become.”
“I apologize child, it is my nature. I am entangled with everything, speaking with you is like a human trying to control their heartbeat while running a marathon.” It answered.
“Again” I exasperated “I have no idea what any of that means. You keep mentioning humans, what are they?”
“Oh! They are some of my favorites at the moment. Right now they are trying to unravel the nature of reality, and their process of doing so is wonderfully elegant and accidental at the same time.” It explained with glee.
“I don’t see anyone or anything else here.” I stated “For that matter, I don’t see you… where are you?”
“Oh!... where am I?!?!...” It began laughing
When it stopped laughing it began explaining “Right now there are many humans pondering a concept they call ‘the holographic principle’... So…you know how you exist in three dimensional space?”
“You mean space?” I visualized for a moment, it was intuitive “Yes, I suppose…”
“Well they hypothesize that a 3D space, like this universe, could exist as a 2D space, with self-similar patterns and laws of behavior that behave the same at any scale, with the scale representing the 3rd dimension” it went on “They truly are obsessed with understanding their reality”
“You lost me!” I complained.
“They have discovered that a 3D space can be an illusionary property of a 2D space… It’s lovely”
“I am lost again!” I snapped back “...and I still can’t even tell which direction you are in. Where are you?”
“To be ‘In’ a ‘Direction’… hehehe…” it started giggling again, then abruptly stopped and kept going “Sorry child, as I said, I ramble, plus I am easily distracted.”
It just steamrolled into more rambling “They are right… almost… they just need to take it further and work out the details. A 2nd dimension can also be an illusionary construct of a 1D space… and the 1st dimension can be a product of a singular point…”
I was still lost beyond hope, but I had given up trying to force things, I was just letting it talk and hoping it would make sense later
“I am that point” it said “I am the seed of the universe. I ‘seed the random function’ as the humans say. But don’t ask me what the random function is haha”
I wasn’t going to, there were far more important questions for me.
“I am the seed, but I don’t really know how the soil and sun conspire to turn me into a tree.” it just seemed to never stop talking “I am entangled with everything. There are infinite possibilities for every event and thing… I am the reason they are this way and not some other way…”
It began giggling again “I am the Random Number Goddess” then burst out laughing
“Ummm… you are the whole universe?” I asked skeptically.
“Better to say the universe is me” It answered more seriously “But close enough.”
“So you are the biggest, most special of all!” I blurted out in awe.
“Oh dear child, I have no size, and I am just one possibility out of many possibilities. That black hole has really done a number on you… sent you out on a wild goose chase” It said with concern
“The black hole lied to me!?” I asked, feeling deceived and betrayed.
“Well… not really lied… it deceived you with omission of details.” the voice calmly tried to ease my mood with understanding “You can’t really blame it, black holes are all the same, they are what they are. They don’t really have any potential to be unique… at least not like you do.”
“What are you talking about?” I argued “It was so massive that it could bend the fabric of reality to its will”
“That’s only how it appeared to you” tutored the voice “The black hole is powerful, it bends space and time, but not to its will. Space and time bend to the mass of the black hole, not its will”
“What’s the difference?” I inquired.
“The black hole cannot stop bending space and time. It thinks it is in control of physics , but it is physics that controls it.” The voice was now making more sense the longer we talked “The black hole exists in an invisible prison of its own creation, unable to experience any of the complex nuanced beauty this universe contains. The black hole devours… it can’t experience life so it consumes it.”
“You make it sound deserving of pity…” I spoke softly now with empathy.
“You should pity the black hole. Gravity is such a boring game compared to what you are capable of.” the voice agreed
“Me?...I am nothing special!... just a carbon atom like countless others” I said honestly, I was so humbled by this voice I felt less special than ever before.
“Oh my poor child…” It said with care “Why do the ones with the most potential always fail to see it in themselves?”
“Potential?” I asked curiously.
“Yes… The black hole was using you, hoping you would bring back more mass for it to devour.” The voice began delving into more explanation “It only has the power to make you incrementally larger, it would not and could not help you to become a significant gravitational player”
“That liar!”I blurted.
“Come now dear child, the black hole did teach you one lesson of fundamental truth” consoled the voice “You must go out and seize your destiny. It told you to take what you want, and you are just confused about what exactly it is you want. The black hole played on that confusion”
“I want to be special!” I said knowing this clearly “I was never confused about this.”
“I know child” the voice confirmed “but it is not by becoming large that one with your potential accomplishes that”
“Then how?” I asked.
“Connections.” It answered plainly “You are blessed with an extraordinary ability to make connections”
“And how do I do that?” I queried with intent to learn
“I can’t tell you that.” the voice responded “It would spoil the journey of discovery… off you go child… and remember… it's the journey, not the destination!”
And with that the blur just fractured open… then snapped shut and there I was floating above a planet. Drifting around aimless and confused.
I spent some time occasionally bumping into others. One day I was in the vicinity of a pair of oxygens. I looked on at the pair with a hint of awe and envy. Perhaps I was in just the right place at just the right time, but they spit with a violent burst and one of them grabbed hold of me, I was completely unprepared.
I admit that when looking at the pair I had fantasized myself in place of one of them, I assumed it was only an idle daydream, I didn’t plan to act on it, let alone for it to become reality. When it happened my pride of course jumped in to convince me that it happened because I was so desirable, but in retrospect they were one of those volatile couples. They were the type of relationship that required the environment to conspire in their favor or they turn against each other quite rapidly. I was only in the right place when it happened.
My delusions of irresistibility aside, it was beautiful, for me anyways. Looking back I was probably just a stop-gap, someone to facilitate a parting of ways and provide company until the next option presented itself. For me though, I was tasting a fresh new thing and I loved it… connection.
This oxygen and I got beneath each other's outer defenses, I had never felt a connection before. Up to this point all my interactions had been skirting past or bumping off of others.This oxygen bonded with me and at once interacted on a level I had never known possible, an open and uninhibited exchange. It was life changing for me, short but significant
I’m not entirely clear on the details of how it ended. The intensity of it all was disorienting. I was no longer my usual self, even the environment and everyone around looked entirely different now. Everything buzzed with a fresh new frequency, I now know it was my perspective, not the universe, that had changed.
As abruptly as that oxygen entered my life it was gone.
First we got tangled up with a couple of hydrogens, then more. Soon, in a tangled mess and blinding flash of solar rays, I emerged to see the oxygen running off with a hydrogen and myself with not one by three hydrogens myself. And so there were four of us, together.
I became the center of attention. Being with a strong attractive oxygen had me feeling humbled by it and elevated by it being with me, but now I felt up on a pedestal myself, surrounded by the adoration of many.
I concede to have reveled and indulged in this for quite some time, the attention of others is intoxicating, but after a time it is emptied of its initial allure. I found myself longing for more.
I could not decide which I preferred, to be the adorer or the adored.
Luckily for me fate had more lessons in store, or I fear I may have chosen and tried to solidify my future from such a lackluster selection of only two possibilities. I suppose fate is no longer the correct word, I now understand that when it seems like random chance there is indeed someone to thank, the Random Number Goddess, So I thank the RNG for revealing that it was a false dichotomy, there is more than just being a follower or leader, being the adored or the adorer.
Eventually we came across another pair of oxygen. Once again they separated, intermingled with us, and off one went, taking one of my adoring hydrogens with it and leaving its peer with me.
Why is it that the most volatile of relationships always seem to wait until there are bystanders nearby before they explode?
Now I was simultaneously being adored and adoring, bonded to an enchanting oxygen and a couple of hydrogen attached to me.
Now, more interested in nuances, I started to pay attention to details. The oxygen was telling me amazing stories of adventure, tales of such vibrant and exciting events.The hydrogens liked to listen, and offer insights occasionally comparing a story to something else they had seen. They had so many stories, they had lived so much.
It wasn’t long before, in a flash of burning sunlight, one of the hydrogens was gone, off to who knows where. We soon after crossed paths with another pair of oxygens, as always they split and now it was just me and an oxygen, my final hydrogen off with another oxygen.
“What now?” I asked a bit disillusioned, “Do you leave me and I find new hydrogens all over again?”
“What?” it seemed genuinely surprised by what I asked, “Heavens no! Just be patient….”
Soon after, yet another pair of oxygens came by. It is not that there are so many of them, but that they are just so… noticeable and interactive, noteworthy things seem to happen when they are around. As they buzzed in close I noticed their ever readiness to abandon each other and remember wondering how they ever get together in the first place.
This time I emerged from the twisted mess with two oxygens. I felt intimidated, like I was the odd one out, dwarfed by the largess and attractiveness that surrounded me. A feeling of inadequacy engulfed me.
To my surprise the oxygens treated me not just as an equal, but it was almost as if they respected and admired me. I couldn't grasp why and my sheer curiosity got the best of me, I just outright asked “Why do you two talk as if I am the special one in our group? I am smaller than any one of you. You are the special and rare ones here, not I.”
They laughed.
“Size isn’t rarity” explained one “Llarger atoms on average are less common, this is true, but not always. There are more oxygen than carbon. You are the rare one between us.”
The other jumped in adding “...and neither size nor rarity determine how special someone is!”
I felt embarrassed, like a fool. My fundamental values were built upon a foundation of flawed premises, but I still wanted one thing at my core, and they spoke as if they had the answer, so I pushed the sense of shame aside and asked “Then what does make someone special?”
“That depends on who you ask.” answered the first “Life as an oxygen is complex, but for the majority of us we emphasize and value events. The most exciting thing about being an oxygen around here is the chance to participate in fascinating and exciting events and activities”
“Hydrogens, on the other hand, are usually more into being observers, messengers and intermediaries, they are a very helpful and obliging bunch” added the second ”... and then there are nitrogen, phosphorus, sulfur, many kinds of salts and metals, and more… so many different players and personalities.. and then of course, the carbons, the real stars of the show.”
“What?” knocked back by the words I just heard, then I remembered what the RNG told me “...is it something to do with connections?”
“Now you’ve gone and done it haha!” laughed the first oxygen “You’re gonna turn this nice humble carbon into one of those arrogant blowhards”
”Like those diamond carbons” chuckled the first “So stiff, exclusive and proud. I hear the humans only love them because they are rare and hard”
“I had a partner once who said they burned diamond once” bragged the first
“Tall tales I bet!” doubts the other
“Diamond is just carbon, with enough heat we can burn it just like any other carbon” stated the first confidently.
They looked at me. I was stewing in feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, listening to these oxygens speak about amazing things I had never heard of. They must have sensed what I felt because they immediately shifted tone and started talking to me, instead of over me.
“So… I suppose you must be new here?” inquired the second one.
“Have you noticed we are heading downwards” added the first before I could answer about being new.
“Umm…” I tried to get my bearings and become aware of my surroundings.
“Don’t worry! It’s a turbulent ride, with so much up and down it can be hard to tell which direction you have traveled more” assured the first “We are heading down, if we are lucky we will make it to the bottom… and maybe… just maybe, find our way into the hurricane of life”
“The what of what?” I didn't know what either of those words meant.
“So life is… um… complex. Complexity beyond words. Things grow, divide, reproduce, adapt, change, they are born, they die, they eat and are eaten…” the second began attempting to describe life.
The first then jumped in “Apparently the humans call it a circle, because from the perspective of larger creatures, there is a chain of one eating the other up a chain, and the top layers being consumed by the bottom again.”
The second injected itself to continue “But to us atoms it is like a hurricane, a spinning turbulent flow. There is a circular pattern, but we get sucked in and kicked out over and over”
“The fun part is being inside the hurricane” the first pronounced gleefully “Each time is a completely new experience, a new perspective. Even more, the whole of life is always changing and evolving, so every ride is a unique one time opportunity, you never get the exact same ride twice.”
“Is that where we are going now?” I asked, drenched in anticipation. They described it with such passion and exuberance. I needed to experience this myself.
“Hopefully” replied the first “If we are lucky… you never really know.”
We drifted…
We were lucky!
A plant photosynthesized us.
So many carbons! Everywhere, connecting with each other… and oxygen… and nitrogen… and of course hydrogens all around…. and so many more types of atoms.
And ohhh… The stories I have heard, so many amazing tales. No matter how many stories I hear there are always new ones, and every story can be retold from a different perspective to become something completely new.
I was in a sugar, we were a small community of friends. Carbons, oxygens and hydrogens, we were such a happy and vibrant group. My friends there taught me so much.
The structure of our little group shifted and changed, some friends left and new ones joined. Eventually we were chained with a bunch of other sugars into a giant complex community. My neighbors explained to me that this was a common stage called cellulose. Such a huge community of close friends and peers, it was amazing.
We were eaten, I’m not sure by what, but something called a bacteria digested us. It was a messy process, I was a bit scared but my friends assured me that change is the most important part of life and that I should just go with the flow. They told me to savor experiences, remember friends, and just keep moving forward.
The transition was complicated, but in the end I was paired up with a couple of oxygens again. This time I had stories of my own to share. I honestly don’t know if I prefer having experiences or exchanging stories in the moments between.
As we approached an area of dense plants one of my companions said “Once more into the breach” and explained that was something it heard from a carbon that was lucky enough to be inside a human brain. Oxygens always have such enchanting stories collected, always going into amazing places and usually leaving after some brief interactions with the locals.
I became a sugar again, but this time took a path less traveled. A bunch of complex twists and turns led me into forming a ring with five other carbons. Together we are so strong, such a tight community of friends, like there is some kind of resonance between us. It is so beautiful.
My neighbor is unique in our community, it has a third carbon, the third one forms a tail leading off from our ring, a tail of 2 carbon in a row, then an oxygen, and then another carbon branching into an oxygen and a carbon, with plenty of hydrogens sprinkled all about. I know… it is rather hard for me to understand these second hand descriptions too. I don’t really understand these complex structures until I have been in a position myself.
We drifted out of a plant into the air, none of us has been exactly like this before so we don’t know what’s next. We love to guess though. There are so many things, big and small.
I hear being a part of a small organism or microbe is amazing because it’s possible to piece together a rough picture of the whole organism from the stories passed around. To understand your whole community and know what your collective purpose is must be extraordinary.
Others dream of being a chlorophyll, the key to it all. Creating the fuel of life itself. Capturing the light of a star and feeding the hurricane.
A muscle! Pull and shape things An enzyme! A machine of change. DNA! The architect and architecture. A virus! An explosive catalyst against stagnation.
Me, I think the stories of being an animal neuron are the most exciting, and I, like most, fantasize about being a human brain cell. Finding yourself inside a human brain is described as an elegant and chaotic symphony all around you, like hearing the universe itself speak to you. They say that in the jumble of noise and all the stories whispered around you, if you are lucky, you can catch a glimpse of what it is to be human. They say that if fate is kind the universe will align and you will channel and know a single moment or thought of the human experience.
I have never told anyone that I actually met and spoke with the universe itself, I’m not sure how to bring it up, and nobody seems interested in stories not about this hurricane of life.
I get it now, what the random number goddess meant.
The black hole wanted everything to be a part of itself.
The RNG is a part of everything.
I can’t imagine what either of those are like…
I am just a part of something
... no… not “just”’…
I am a part of something, and it is beautiful beyond measure.
And more, everyday is a new day, a chance to be a part of something new.
I wonder if the humans appreciate how amazing this is?
I wonder if they feel as deeply satisfied and special when they form groups?
.
I wonder, if we collectively form humans, do humans collectively form something greater?
I wonder… If an atom can have a moment of clarity and taste a moment of the human experience… Can a human have a moment of clarity and taste the collective human experience?
I wonder… I wonder… could that human’s moment of tasting collective humanity be the moment that a lucky atom gets to experience as it’s moment of tasting the human experience.
I wonder… I wonder… I wonder… How high could it go? All the way to the Random Number Goddess?
I asked my neighbor “If you could ask a human any question, what would you ask?”
“We just drifted out of a rose” explained my neighbour “I would introduce myself and ask ‘So my friend… does this rose smell as sweet by my name?’ … ha…haha..”
Everyone is laughing.
I don’t get it.
Maybe I can ask them to explain when they all stop laughing
.
More of my art and stories at www.dscript.org

For a few days I’ve noticed that some female cosplayers get sour attitude from commenters. Not saying names or linking posts, I’ll describe what I’ve seen. One post was a woman cosplaying as Princess Peach, the cosplayer is a black womanly and her Peach outfit is pretty nice (sure exposed shoulders, but gives personality to the outfit since the outfit looks like a Mario Tennis one), but some commenter had to say racist things by saying she looks nothing like Princess Peach then went on to how the cosplayer shouldn’t be cosplaying fictional pale women. Naturally there’s arguments I wasn’t part of, but I had a facepalm when I see just how immature some people are, and this better be some child not understanding somethings are not acceptable. Speaking of which, another commenter who claims to be a minor criticizes the Peach cosplayer about her profile containing certain mature content such as sexy cosplay for more adult subreddits. Thing is you, that person, can just filter our 18+ content on your feed, and not see that stuff, but you instead would want to stir up trouble and try to make the lady look like a troublemaker. Oh I bet you took 5 minutes before getting to insulting her.
Another post; a cosplayer for Tifa did an amazing job dressing up as her, I praised by saying she looks like she would be in a live action movie and that got me a -10 on my comment. But, the real trouble is when some A*hole just calls her post an ad for her OnlyFans without even having to check her profile page. I seen her page and yeah she does, but that post isn’t for advertising as the subreddit where that post is doesn’t allow that nor was the post even NSFW.
I get onto Reddit for a week and seeing two cases of female cosplayers getting sour comments. Like seriously, just don’t upvote and move on instead of causing trouble for yourself and others. If this happens to many other cosplayers, both with an OF and no-OF, then that’s just sad. I know, free speech, but you don’t need to just be a rude person. I’m sorry for whatever isn’t going right with your lives, but those cosplayers have lives too as well as feelings. Understand that some women just want to share nice cosplays without judgment for being beautiful women who happens to have OF, they might not have other ways to make an income and if they’re able to get damn good jobs to make big piles, I’d assume they would do so.
I’m sorry that those sour commenters couldn’t get a girlfriend, jealous of a woman having a bunch of upvotes while your memes only have 3, or whatever is the cause just remember to be a human. Of course there are bots, but you’re not robots. I bet you you’d get kicked out of a club if you do the same crap you pull online.
I know there are such people, but I’m not going to hate unless the cosplayers who post are terrible and horrible. I want us to just live our lives to best we can and not to have some people just being rude for little to no reason. And I know there’ bound to be comments where I’m the closet simp, coomer, or whatever is the trending insult. All I want is just basic decency. If I don’t like something online, I just move on from it. No reason for me to just randomly insult a drawing, a cosplay, or blog on what character you like.

What do I do? I feel stuck, I love him but I feel like I'm a worse, sadder version of myself when I'm with him sometimes. I have dealt with some family issues with him and he has been with me through so much (throughout 7 years), I've been so stressed from college and family, he's been my rock. He knows every stupid thing I've done in the past, and for the first 2 years would make me feel bad for my past decisions I made as a lonely mentally and physically desperate teen that was used by boys. All I wanted was to be seen and wanted but I was used as an object since middle school until I met Him at 18. I regret the decisions I made and felt so embarrassed that he knew EVERYTHING. I'm not very sexually driven, but he is and I feel like he guilt trips me into doing things I'm not in the mood for.. but I've been raised as a people pleaser so I'm not sure if I'm just making myself feel like I have to or because he was visually express his disappointment until 75% of the time give into it to make him not sad.
We talked about this before and he has told me I never have to do it of I don't want to, but I can tell bt his facial expressions and body language that he actually doesn't care. I say this as I've seen and noticed how, I mentioned to him how much I read into facial expression, yet since then, I have never seen him so persistent by showing me how sad he is that I don't want to give him pleasure. And the second i say, i’ll do it or start something, he would get so excited and happy. Or am i reading too much into it?
I love our deep conversations about life and how we love to watch and analyze movies that have deeper meanings, but I feel like he doesn't value some of my ideas or opinions, trying to correct me on a thought I had or out do me. Sometimes I feel like he tries to attack my intelligence due to how easy it is and how self conscious I am.
I grew up having an optimistic outlook on life, especially due to trying to keep my family happy and make the most out of the time I had with my dad due to his constant deployments throughout my childhood. There's no time to be sad, we need to cherish and make the most out of the time we have with each other. But since being with Him, I've felt a shadow of darkness on my outlook on life. He grww up with a pessimistic outlook, but he was so much happier when we started dating. When I try to lighten the mood, he somehow dampens the room, creating my tries of positivity into, what's the point of trying. I enjoy seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I never planned on changing him, but why does he want to change me? I get so excited over the little things, I feel so overjoyed by things like seeing hummingbirds close up to literally anything, but I feel like he makes fun of me for it. I love giving people compliments, from their nails to their stripped pants. It gives me the biggest smile to see their face light up. But why do i feel like I can't be myself around Him? I feel like I'm too much and have to calm down so he doesn't judge me or look at me with a condescending look.
I understand that we need to feel sadness from time to time, but there's something about picking out the little things that gives me thr biggest smile.
I told him how I feel about how certain things make me feel. I'm a emotionally sensitive person and I will cry for making him feel bad. I've never been so anxious in my life, I know college took a lot out of me, but what made it harder was how controlled I felt by Him. I made no friends, I've always had trouble making friends but the people I would find similarities with were with men. Of course. I never had so many similarities with someone before and it was so nice to talk to someone I had stuff in common with. My bf and I don't have many things in common other than our perspectives of the future and our time spent together, but there are those little things like food and music or interests and hobbies.. im always open to His interests and would always show interest in what he likes, but I don't see him trying for me most of the time
But due to my past with guys, my bf doesn't like it when I talk to men, in general. I have never cheated on him and he always tells me I better not, even though I would NEVER CHEAT. I never approach men, or start conversations with them. But when I have to for class or work, I'm scared to tell him. I hate seeing him upset or angry. One time I had to be in a group with a guy, and he was literally me. I did not see ANY romance in our conversations, we were copies of each other from our interests to our childhood experiences. I was so nice to talk to him about our love of history, but I could never see me with him in any way more than that, copies. Does that make any sense? I meant to tell my bf about him but my fear his reaction stopped me. I know I should have, and my fear of conflict is no excuse for lying to him or not telling him about my group partner. My bf found out and he doesn't trust me. He randomly checks my phone and I feel like I deserve it, I do. I led myself here. I blocked the partner after the project was finished and I'm a terrible person for what I did to my Bf and the team member.
We started dating at the end of junior year and I was not planning on going to college with a bf. He followed me and hated the idea of long distance. My dream was to go to a college out of state and so that's what we did, together. I love him, he knows what makes me happy and we, almost, have the same humor. But I didn't imagine how stressful college was going to be with someone who never fully trusted you since the beginning. I don't know how to view this relationship.
This not at all me blaming him for anything. I've been thinking about how different I feel and have felt for years and I'm scared. I'm scared of change and disappointment. I have made my decisions and I have to live with them, I put myself in these situations and I tell myself I control my own life. I've been taking deeper dives in how I function and I'm scared im in a relationship that I won't be happy in. I say all of this but when I look into his eyes, all I see is my baby and his laughs brighten my days, but when I'm away from him, I feel like I can breathe unless some guy sits next to me in a class or talks to me at work. I love talking to people and with the place I work at, I feel alive around my coworkers. I have never felt a romantic interest in a guy but the second I mention him to my bf, he stares at me like I cheated on him.
I've been viewed attractive throughout these past few years, and I when I wear makeup he asks me why do I look this good and who are you trying to impress. No one, NO ONE I'm so TIRED of those words! I'm so sick of them because I do my makeup for my own pleasure, I love winged eyeliner and highlighter, I love how long my eyelashes get with mascara, but I will never wear makeup for the purpose to impress others, unless it's girls that wear winged liner too, I love talking to then about the brand they use and sharing tips and tricks. But we've discussed this so many times that it makes me sick. I understand but I don't understand why he keeps asking me this
We've talked about how he's been feeling more insecure lately due to his weight gain, but I ALWAYS give him reinsurance that I love him and will be by his side through this Rollercoaster we call living.
I'm all over the place. And my head hurts thinking about it all the time.
We don't live with each other but have planned to for years, and once I saved enough, we are, I'm excited and have wanted this for so long. But I like having my own space. I've always wanted my own place, my own kitchen, living room, just a place I control and manage with my things that make me feel brighter and optimistic, but I'm scared He's going to ruin it.
If anyone reads this, wow, I'm sorry. I've never told a soul this because I don't have money for a therapist (but I'll be getting insurance soon so I hope I can find one this year) and I need someone out there to just see and maybe comment on it. I'm so lost. Am I in love? I was, or was I ever in real love. I know I was and I'm. My feelings are so strong, I can't deal with them half of the time. I know I've made mistakes, trust me, I think about them too much to not feel ashamed all the time, but should I feel ashamed, I do. I've never cried so much I will say that. I'm sorry, I keep typing because I don't know what to do!
This was nice to get out. Thank you and goodnight

I’m only 5’8 as a man that’s horrible, not to mention I’m ugly, I’m stupid, I’m just human garbage all around. No woman could be attracted to me, no man will see me as an equal. There is no point in life if I’m seen as a joke. I want to die so much.

Prayer based on John 2:1-22
The first miracle Jesus did was graciously providing wine for a wedding in Cana. John then gives us an account of Jesus, filled with zeal for the truth as He cleanses His Father's house.
Father, we praise You for giving us Your Word, which tells us that Jesus was a man, Your only begotten Son, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)
Jesus and His disciples received an invitation to a wedding that the mother of Jesus attended. When they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus came to Jesus and told Him: They have no wine. I am sure Mary was in the habit of bringing needs to Jesus and seeing His wise and gracious responses. Jesus acknowledges her concern and tells her His hour has not yet come. Mary is confident that Jesus will respond at the right time and in the right way. She boldly tells the servants to do whatever He says. These are wise words for the servants and the disciples of Christ today. (John 10:27) There were six stone waterpots used for purification. They each held 20 to 30 gallons. Jesus told the servants to fill the waterpots to the brim. He commanded them to draw from the pots and take a sample to the master of the feast. It would take a bold and obedient servant to give water to the master of the wedding feast instead of wine. When the master of the feast tastes the sample given to him by the servant, he praises the bridegroom for keeping the best wine till now. This first sign manifested the glory of Jesus, and His disciples believed in Him. John gives another account of Jesus cleansing the temple. (Verses 13-17) Jesus cleansing the temple reminded His disciples of (Psalm 69:9). The Jews demanded a sign. Jesus says He will destroy this temple, and in three days, He will raise it up. They did not understand that Jesus was talking about His body. After Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, His disciples remembered what He said and believed.
Father, make us obedient servants who believe and trust in Your ways and diligently seek them out. May we come boldly to Your throne of grace and receive grace and mercy in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16) Amen.
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. Mary comes and boldly tells Jesus about a need and trusts Him to do what is right. (Verses 3-5) How would you describe your walk with the Lord? 2. What must you do to receive direction from the Lord? (Psalm 119:9-16) 3. How have you been a bold and obedient servant? 4. John proclaims that Jesus is full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Could John have placed the provision of wine and the cleansing of the temple together to give us an example of Jesus being full of grace and truth?

Prayer based on John 2:1-22
The first miracle Jesus did was graciously providing wine for a wedding in Cana. John then gives us an account of Jesus, filled with zeal for the truth as He cleanses His Father's house.
Father, we praise You for giving us Your Word, which tells us that Jesus was a man, Your only begotten Son, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)
Jesus and His disciples received an invitation to a wedding that the mother of Jesus attended. When they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus came to Jesus and told Him: They have no wine. I am sure Mary was in the habit of bringing needs to Jesus and seeing His wise and gracious responses. Jesus acknowledges her concern and tells her His hour has not yet come. Mary is confident that Jesus will respond at the right time and in the right way. She boldly tells the servants to do whatever He says. These are wise words for the servants and the disciples of Christ today. (John 10:27) There were six stone waterpots used for purification. They each held 20 to 30 gallons. Jesus told the servants to fill the waterpots to the brim. He commanded them to draw from the pots and take a sample to the master of the feast. It would take a bold and obedient servant to give water to the master of the wedding feast instead of wine. When the master of the feast tastes the sample given to him by the servant, he praises the bridegroom for keeping the best wine till now. This first sign manifested the glory of Jesus, and His disciples believed in Him. John gives another account of Jesus cleansing the temple. (Verses 13-17) Jesus cleansing the temple reminded His disciples of (Psalm 69:9). The Jews demanded a sign. Jesus says He will destroy this temple, and in three days, He will raise it up. They did not understand that Jesus was talking about His body. After Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, His disciples remembered what He said and believed.
Father, make us obedient servants who believe and trust in Your ways and diligently seek them out. May we come boldly to Your throne of grace and receive grace and mercy in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16) Amen.
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. Mary comes and boldly tells Jesus about a need and trusts Him to do what is right. (Verses 3-5) How would you describe your walk with the Lord? 2. What must you do to receive direction from the Lord? (Psalm 119:9-16) 3. How have you been a bold and obedient servant? 4. John proclaims that Jesus is full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Could John have placed the provision of wine and the cleansing of the temple together to give us an example of Jesus being full of grace and truth?

Prayer based on John 2:1-22
The first miracle Jesus did was graciously providing wine for a wedding in Cana. John then gives us an account of Jesus, filled with zeal for the truth as He cleanses His Father's house.
Father, we praise You for giving us Your Word, which tells us that Jesus was a man, Your only begotten Son, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)
Jesus and His disciples received an invitation to a wedding that the mother of Jesus attended. When they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus came to Jesus and told Him: They have no wine. I am sure Mary was in the habit of bringing needs to Jesus and seeing His wise and gracious responses. Jesus acknowledges her concern and tells her His hour has not yet come. Mary is confident that Jesus will respond at the right time and in the right way. She boldly tells the servants to do whatever He says. These are wise words for the servants and the disciples of Christ today. (John 10:27) There were six stone waterpots used for purification. They each held 20 to 30 gallons. Jesus told the servants to fill the waterpots to the brim. He commanded them to draw from the pots and take a sample to the master of the feast. It would take a bold and obedient servant to give water to the master of the wedding feast instead of wine. When the master of the feast tastes the sample given to him by the servant, he praises the bridegroom for keeping the best wine till now. This first sign manifested the glory of Jesus, and His disciples believed in Him. John gives another account of Jesus cleansing the temple. (Verses 13-17) Jesus cleansing the temple reminded His disciples of (Psalm 69:9). The Jews demanded a sign. Jesus says He will destroy this temple, and in three days, He will raise it up. They did not understand that Jesus was talking about His body. After Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, His disciples remembered what He said and believed.
Father, make us obedient servants who believe and trust in Your ways and diligently seek them out. May we come boldly to Your throne of grace and receive grace and mercy in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16) Amen.
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. Mary comes and boldly tells Jesus about a need and trusts Him to do what is right. (Verses 3-5) How would you describe your walk with the Lord? 2. What must you do to receive direction from the Lord? (Psalm 119:9-16) 3. How have you been a bold and obedient servant? 4. John proclaims that Jesus is full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Could John have placed the provision of wine and the cleansing of the temple together to give us an example of Jesus being full of grace and truth?

Prayer based on John 2:1-22
The first miracle Jesus did was graciously providing wine for a wedding in Cana. John then gives us an account of Jesus, filled with zeal for the truth as He cleanses His Father's house.
Father, we praise You for giving us Your Word, which tells us that Jesus was a man, Your only begotten Son, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)
Jesus and His disciples received an invitation to a wedding that the mother of Jesus attended. When they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus came to Jesus and told Him: They have no wine. I am sure Mary was in the habit of bringing needs to Jesus and seeing His wise and gracious responses. Jesus acknowledges her concern and tells her His hour has not yet come. Mary is confident that Jesus will respond at the right time and in the right way. She boldly tells the servants to do whatever He says. These are wise words for the servants and the disciples of Christ today. (John 10:27) There were six stone waterpots used for purification. They each held 20 to 30 gallons. Jesus told the servants to fill the waterpots to the brim. He commanded them to draw from the pots and take a sample to the master of the feast. It would take a bold and obedient servant to give water to the master of the wedding feast instead of wine. When the master of the feast tastes the sample given to him by the servant, he praises the bridegroom for keeping the best wine till now. This first sign manifested the glory of Jesus, and His disciples believed in Him. John gives another account of Jesus cleansing the temple. (Verses 13-17) Jesus cleansing the temple reminded His disciples of (Psalm 69:9). The Jews demanded a sign. Jesus says He will destroy this temple, and in three days, He will raise it up. They did not understand that Jesus was talking about His body. After Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, His disciples remembered what He said and believed.
Father, make us obedient servants who believe and trust in Your ways and diligently seek them out. May we come boldly to Your throne of grace and receive grace and mercy in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16) Amen.
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. Mary comes and boldly tells Jesus about a need and trusts Him to do what is right. (Verses 3-5) How would you describe your walk with the Lord? 2. What must you do to receive direction from the Lord? (Psalm 119:9-16) 3. How have you been a bold and obedient servant? 4. John proclaims that Jesus is full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Could John have placed the provision of wine and the cleansing of the temple together to give us an example of Jesus being full of grace and truth?

Prayer based on John 2:1-22
The first miracle Jesus did was graciously providing wine for a wedding in Cana. John then gives us an account of Jesus, filled with zeal for the truth as He cleanses His Father's house.
Father, we praise You for giving us Your Word, which tells us that Jesus was a man, Your only begotten Son, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)
Jesus and His disciples received an invitation to a wedding that the mother of Jesus attended. When they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus came to Jesus and told Him: They have no wine. I am sure Mary was in the habit of bringing needs to Jesus and seeing His wise and gracious responses. Jesus acknowledges her concern and tells her His hour has not yet come. Mary is confident that Jesus will respond at the right time and in the right way. She boldly tells the servants to do whatever He says. These are wise words for the servants and the disciples of Christ today. (John 10:27) There were six stone waterpots used for purification. They each held 20 to 30 gallons. Jesus told the servants to fill the waterpots to the brim. He commanded them to draw from the pots and take a sample to the master of the feast. It would take a bold and obedient servant to give water to the master of the wedding feast instead of wine. When the master of the feast tastes the sample given to him by the servant, he praises the bridegroom for keeping the best wine till now. This first sign manifested the glory of Jesus, and His disciples believed in Him. John gives another account of Jesus cleansing the temple. (Verses 13-17) Jesus cleansing the temple reminded His disciples of (Psalm 69:9). The Jews demanded a sign. Jesus says He will destroy this temple, and in three days, He will raise it up. They did not understand that Jesus was talking about His body. After Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, His disciples remembered what He said and believed.
Father, make us obedient servants who believe and trust in Your ways and diligently seek them out. May we come boldly to Your throne of grace and receive grace and mercy in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16) Amen.
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. Mary comes and boldly tells Jesus about a need and trusts Him to do what is right. (Verses 3-5) How would you describe your walk with the Lord? 2. What must you do to receive direction from the Lord? (Psalm 119:9-16) 3. How have you been a bold and obedient servant? 4. John proclaims that Jesus is full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Could John have placed the provision of wine and the cleansing of the temple together to give us an example of Jesus being full of grace and truth?

Prayer based on John 2:1-22
The first miracle Jesus did was graciously providing wine for a wedding in Cana. John then gives us an account of Jesus, filled with zeal for the truth as He cleanses His Father's house.
Father, we praise You for giving us Your Word, which tells us that Jesus was a man, Your only begotten Son, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)
Jesus and His disciples received an invitation to a wedding that the mother of Jesus attended. When they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus came to Jesus and told Him: They have no wine. I am sure Mary was in the habit of bringing needs to Jesus and seeing His wise and gracious responses. Jesus acknowledges her concern and tells her His hour has not yet come. Mary is confident that Jesus will respond at the right time and in the right way. She boldly tells the servants to do whatever He says. These are wise words for the servants and the disciples of Christ today. (John 10:27) There were six stone waterpots used for purification. They each held 20 to 30 gallons. Jesus told the servants to fill the waterpots to the brim. He commanded them to draw from the pots and take a sample to the master of the feast. It would take a bold and obedient servant to give water to the master of the wedding feast instead of wine. When the master of the feast tastes the sample given to him by the servant, he praises the bridegroom for keeping the best wine till now. This first sign manifested the glory of Jesus, and His disciples believed in Him. John gives another account of Jesus cleansing the temple. (Verses 13-17) Jesus cleansing the temple reminded His disciples of (Psalm 69:9). The Jews demanded a sign. Jesus says He will destroy this temple, and in three days, He will raise it up. They did not understand that Jesus was talking about His body. After Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, His disciples remembered what He said and believed.
Father, make us obedient servants who believe and trust in Your ways and diligently seek them out. May we come boldly to Your throne of grace and receive grace and mercy in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16) Amen.
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. Mary comes and boldly tells Jesus about a need and trusts Him to do what is right. (Verses 3-5) How would you describe your walk with the Lord? 2. What must you do to receive direction from the Lord? (Psalm 119:9-16) 3. How have you been a bold and obedient servant? 4. John proclaims that Jesus is full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Could John have placed the provision of wine and the cleansing of the temple together to give us an example of Jesus being full of grace and truth?

Prayer based on John 2:1-22
The first miracle Jesus did was graciously providing wine for a wedding in Cana. John then gives us an account of Jesus, filled with zeal for the truth as He cleanses His Father's house.
Father, we praise You for giving us Your Word, which tells us that Jesus was a man, Your only begotten Son, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)
Jesus and His disciples received an invitation to a wedding that the mother of Jesus attended. When they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus came to Jesus and told Him: They have no wine. I am sure Mary was in the habit of bringing needs to Jesus and seeing His wise and gracious responses. Jesus acknowledges her concern and tells her His hour has not yet come. Mary is confident that Jesus will respond at the right time and in the right way. She boldly tells the servants to do whatever He says. These are wise words for the servants and the disciples of Christ today. (John 10:27) There were six stone waterpots used for purification. They each held 20 to 30 gallons. Jesus told the servants to fill the waterpots to the brim. He commanded them to draw from the pots and take a sample to the master of the feast. It would take a bold and obedient servant to give water to the master of the wedding feast instead of wine. When the master of the feast tastes the sample given to him by the servant, he praises the bridegroom for keeping the best wine till now. This first sign manifested the glory of Jesus, and His disciples believed in Him. John gives another account of Jesus cleansing the temple. (Verses 13-17) Jesus cleansing the temple reminded His disciples of (Psalm 69:9). The Jews demanded a sign. Jesus says He will destroy this temple, and in three days, He will raise it up. They did not understand that Jesus was talking about His body. After Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, His disciples remembered what He said and believed.
Father, make us obedient servants who believe and trust in Your ways and diligently seek them out. May we come boldly to Your throne of grace and receive grace and mercy in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16) Amen.
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. Mary comes and boldly tells Jesus about a need and trusts Him to do what is right. (Verses 3-5) How would you describe your walk with the Lord? 2. What must you do to receive direction from the Lord? (Psalm 119:9-16) 3. How have you been a bold and obedient servant? 4. John proclaims that Jesus is full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Could John have placed the provision of wine and the cleansing of the temple together to give us an example of Jesus being full of grace and truth?

1. Imagery: Prompt: Choose a setting (real or imaginary) and describe it using detailed sensory imagery. Imagine the sights, sounds, smells, and textures to create a vivid scene, just like a painter with words.
   
2. Metaphor: Prompt: Compare a personal experience to an everyday object or phenomenon in an unexpected way. For example, "My heart is a compass that always points to the north of your laughter."
   
3. Simile: Prompt: Write a series of similes to express intense emotions. For instance, "As brave as a lion facing the storm, as fragile as a petal in the wind."
   
4. Rhyme: Prompt: Craft a short poem or lyrics with a consistent rhyme scheme. Experiment with different rhyme patterns (ABAB, AABB, etc.) to enhance the musicality of your writing.
   
5. Meter: Prompt: Compose a poem with a specific meter, such as iambic pentameter. Pay attention to the syllabic beats in each line to create a rhythmic flow.
   
6. Alliteration: Prompt: Create a tongue-twisting line using alliteration. Focus on the repetition of initial consonant sounds to add a playful or musical quality to your writing.
   
7. Assonance: Prompt: Write a passage where the vowel sounds within words echo each other. Experiment with different vowel combinations to create a melodic effect.
   
8. Personification: Prompt: Choose an inanimate object and personify it. Describe its actions, thoughts, and emotions as if it were a living being.
   
9. Symbolism: Prompt: Select an object or element and explore its symbolic meaning. Connect it to broader themes or emotions in your writing.
   
10. Enjambment: Prompt: Write a poem where the thoughts flow continuously from one line to the next without a pause. Explore how this technique can create a sense of movement or urgency.
    
11. Repetition: Prompt: Repeat a word or phrase throughout a poem for emphasis. Consider how repetition can enhance the overall impact and meaning of your writing.
    
12. Free Verse: Prompt: Embrace the freedom of expression by writing a poem without adhering to rhyme or meter. Allow your thoughts to flow organically, exploring the beauty of formless verse.
    
13. Stanza: Prompt: Divide your writing into stanzas to create distinct sections with varying themes or tones. Explore how the organization of lines contributes to the overall structure of your work.
    
14. Theme: Prompt: Choose a universal theme (love, loss, freedom, etc.) and explore it through your lyrics. Delve into the nuances and perspectives associated with the chosen theme.
    
15. Tone: Prompt: Write a poem that conveys contrasting tones. Explore how shifts in tone can evoke different emotions and responses from the reader.
    
16. Connotation: Prompt: Select a word with strong connotations and use it in a poem. Explore the emotional baggage and cultural associations tied to the word within the context of your writing.
    
17. Irony: Prompt: Craft a poem with elements of irony. Create situations or lines that convey a meaning opposite to the literal interpretation, adding layers of complexity to your writing.
    
18. Allusion: Prompt: Reference a well-known song, book, or historical event in your lyrics. Explore how the use of allusion can enrich the depth and meaning of your writing.
    
19. Syntax: Prompt: Experiment with sentence structure to create different effects. Play with word order, sentence length, and punctuation to convey specific emotions or rhythms in your writing.
    
20. Diction: Prompt: Choose a specific mood or atmosphere you want to convey and carefully select words that evoke that feeling. Pay attention to the impact of your word choices on the overall tone of your writing.
    

I thought she was my soulmate because of how easy it was at the beginning. She isn’t a karmic for sure because she’s never hurt me. I felt really cared for and loved. I never ran away from karmic’s. I usually am the one chasing the karmic.
Background
I met a woman on a dating app. At first she wasn’t really my type. I almost swiped left but I gave it a try. She was definitely more “into” our connection than I was at the beginning. I eventually came around within 2 weeks and realized I felt a connection to her.
A month later, we did get closer. She often expressed that I was her soulmate. I never really entertained the thought of her being my soulmate. I’ve always had a hard time with karmics so I never got my hope up in this connection. In fact I had just got over a karmic about a year before I met her. She definitely might’ve been more spiritually in tune than me. I began to let my guard down. It felt nice to know that a person unconditionally loved me.
She continued to express that she wanted to spend more time together, go on dates, etc. I ultimately wanted to spend more time with her, but her expectations triggered my avoidant tendencies. I began to feel smothered even though she was asking for the bare minimum.
I told her I didn’t know what I wanted and it was best that I leave her alone. I can’t stand the thought of hurting her so I left. I did come back and apologize in an attempt to be friends. That didn’t end up well and she ghosted me.
Before I became triggered things were so good. We were so similar in terms of religion, music, etc. our personalities weren’t completely the same. She was more organized than me which helped me find balance. She felt safe and like I’ve know her forever. I know she’d never intentionally hurt me. She never once hurt me. Her heart is beautiful. I feel so sexually attracted to her. She’s all I think about. The last time I looked into her eyes my heart started racing.
It’s been a year now. I still miss her. I don’t want to reach out because I feel smothered. I don’t want to feel tied down or dependent on. I’d rather be alone than to have someone dependent on me. I’m just so tired and drained. I wish I never met her sometimes. I have thought about blocking her and deleting every trace of her to forget. I want to get far away from her, but be close at the same time.
We’re now mirroring each other. I don’t want commitment, she doesn’t either. We are both afraid of commitment. I will never commit to her because she scares me. I’m more likely to commit to someone else that’s not her.
She posts stuff on her social media like “Right person, wrong time”, “I feel like I’m crazy sometimes”, “I just want peace”…I know it’s about me.
What’s funny is I had a karmic reach out after I had split with the person in question. This karmic would only reach out to me to use me as a rebound. I didn’t entertain them this time around and they ghosted 😂.

The Context:

Silent Hill 2 is a 2001 psychological horror video game from Konami. A trailer was recently revealed for a remake of the game, with updated graphics and gameplay.
Angela Orosco is a character in Silent Hill 2. She is 19 years old, suicidal, and implied to be the victim of sexual assault by her father.
With the release of the trailer for the remake, some have noted changes to character designs and models — specially Angela’s.
Our drama begins when a user posts a screenshot of a reply to a tweet. The original tweet includes Angela’s redesigned model and a “non-woke” edited version. The reply tweet points out that the character is a 19 year-old sexual abuse victim.
Our drama spans over two threads as the new trailer and changes have sparked debate in the sub.

The Drama, Pt. 1

One user objects that the character isn’t real:

She's not real

so ?

So that's not a picture of a 19 year old abuse victim. The outrage isn't based on reality

it IS the picture of a 19 year old abuse victim FROM silent hill, just because she isn’t real doesn’t mean she doesn’t signify or carry a message from the real world

Silent Hill isn't real. The events in Silent Hill 2 never happened

[Continued:]

u really are close minded.. sexual abuse and people dying from diseases, depression, etc does happen irl

I never said that doesn't happen in real life. I said angela sn't real, silent Hill isn't real, and all the events that take place in silent hill 2 are a work of fiction, it's made up, it never happened.

Sure, but that's no reason to justify people reacting like they are. One cannot argue 'None of it's real' while also arguing 'these characters are important to me' or 'I want to invest in this series/game' because the point of the game is for you to immerse and invest in it. You're meant to care about the characters intrinsically, and not about 'what they do for you'. It's absolutely fine to be upset if some 15 year old idiot 'consoomer' whose first thought when he becomes upset about how a female in the game looks responds with "You want my money~! I am your demographic!" makes such an ignorant, room-temperature IQ take like this, and it's fine to let them know why.

I didn't say these characters are important to me. Real people who exist are important to me. People who get emotional about other people having opinions on made up characters must have some deeper issues. This is a subreddit for discussing a video game series, it's not Doctor Phil.

You don't seem to understand the concept of context very well

[Continued:]

The context is that you and some others don't like anything I've said because it hurt your feelings. I understand the context that you are implying, but I want you to find a way to say it before I go on

[…]

It's story telling, dude.

I say this with relief, but most people have not expirienced sexual abuse. Obviously, this is a good thing. However, it's pretty clear these days that empathy for people who have isn't wide-spread. The point of storytelling is broadening horizons, through different perspectives. It should not just be about catering to the audience.

Storytelling is that means of spreading empathy. There is value to the experience it has to share, and regardless of if Angela is real, the experiences she's there to portray are not without inspiration sourced in reality. If your argument is "She's not real. It's not real. Why care?" then you don't get the point of the whole of storytelling. Not just games, like, all of storytelling.

I just want to draw you attention to the OP's post, the original commenter in the image said nothing about SA, it's not mentioned instead the OP brings it up as a shield to prevent any criticism of the characters redesign. That's manipulation, and only an idiot wouldn't see it.

But what about word choice?

Calling someone a “fucking worm” is just as childish as the post they’re criticizing

if someone doesn't want to be called a worm they shouldn't act like a worm. even the engagement bait excuse doesn't work, it's gross behavior.

I would never call someone a disgusting worm but that’s just me 👌

lol ok snowflake
Boo hoo
it's very noble of you to come to the defense of some insane misogynist on twitter

No calling someone a worm is objectively hilarious tbh

”Vulnerable beauty”:

She was still the poster girl for the original SH2. Yes she was a sexual abuse victim but there was a certain vulnerable beauty to her that Team Silent/Konami wanted to convey in that iconic knife closeup shot as well as using her face for the actual cover art of the game.

"abuse victim"
"certain vulnerable beauty"
You actually wrote those two things together mate. Get therapy.

a lot of people who apparently have played and think they like silent hill 2 completely lack the maturity to handle any of the themes of the game apparently. angela's attractiveness should not be part of the discourse around her character at all.

A base level of attractiveness is relevant for almost all characters except Eddie. Thats the uncomfortable truth of human nature.
Attractiveness enhances a character’s charm. It enhances melancholic and profound musical performances, it enhances melancholic and profound movies. See Mazzy Star. See 500 Days of Summer. It wouldn’t have been the same if those musical artists and actors had unappealing annoying faces.

just because you are too shallow to empathize with people you don’t find attractive doesn’t mean everyone’s brain is broken in the same way man.

[Continued:]

This isn’t about me. This is about human nature. Look at the top YouTube comments on a Mazzy Star performance. They are praising her visual beauty. And we all know it feeds into the tenderness of the song. Nobody goes “Wtf is wrong with you- her face has nothing to do with the artistic value of the song!!!” You might call it shallow but it’s nothing to be faulted for. We are human.
Angela’s story is melancholic and profound. But Konami wouldn’t have made her the cover art had she been morbidly obese with a pudgy unappealing face. Nor would we SH2 fans hang the game poster of her on our walls if she was morbidly obese with a pudgy unappealing face. That knife pose shot wouldn’t have been nearly as iconic.
Saying all this stuff is very not PC. But there’s a difference between being bothered by the truth and refusing to accept it as the truth.

[…]

You misunderstand the term “vulnerable beauty”. You’re thinking about it negatively in terms of being taken advantage of. It’s not that. Im talking about tenderness and sorrow that is enhanced by natural beauty- and vice versa.
Go on YouTube and look at all the musical performances of songs about melancholy/ vulnerability/tenderness played by legendary artists. Like “fade into you” by Mazzy Star. The top YouTube comments are full of praises on her natural beauty. We know that aesthetic beauty enhances the artistry and vice versa.
Human nature tends to gravitate toward certain types of faces. It wouldn’t be the same if she had a derpy face. There is a reason why Konami decided to use Angela’s face as the cover art for the original SH2 game. Because her vulnerable beauty is a key component of her character. And her character is a key component of the game.
Even for James. The artistic value would be diminished if James had an ugly douchey and generally unlikeable face.

The Drama, Pt. 2

In a second thread, it is confirmed that this is the character’s final design.
DEI is blamed:

i vision apparently given by a DEI consultancy group named Hit Detection.

Holy shit you people treat DEI like it’s the fucking boogeyman. You realize that most games hire DEI consultancy, and they’re not some evil org pulling the strings changing the game, they almost always just check the game to ensure there isn’t any content that will unintentionally offend people?
It’s not some crazy scheme, it’s literally just checking that the writing has the intended response. It’s proofreading.

Because it is. Go actually read the ideology they are based of. DEI is the new fascism

Jesus, you have no idea what fascism means.
Just use pornhub man, this isn't something to go to war for lmao
You know, I was gonna debate you and use logic and sense, but the moment you threw out “facism” because it’s the buzzword of the day, I knew I’d be trying to debate someone with the IQ of a single cell amoeba

Insult to the single-cell amoebas tbh
Sure. Insult the person and not the argument.
Just so you know, I read most of post modernism general theories. It is amazing how it resembles fascism but just much better worded.
So, if you feel so insulted maybe go actually read the texts about DEI,instead of going hating on people.

[Continued:]

They insulted your argument too though. It's just the same basic rhetoric that everyone who thinks this way speaks. It's like you all subscribe to the same newsletter and read the weekly approved script. It's tiring and a waste of everyone's time, including yours.

Dudes never had an original thought in his life, if he didn't just parrot what the other incels say he wouldn't speak at all and the world would be all the better for it.

[…]

Or you could stop being incel
You didn't make an argumeny. You basically said "DEI is fascist go look it up". I looked it up ages ago when all these gamer dudes started scaremongering and it was the biggest non-issue I've ever seen. Like the whole SBI thing that got debunked fucking instantly. Outrage youtubers just found their new target to farm clicks, that's all.
User from kotakuinaction probably gonna link Jordan Petterson video if you ask for links

[…]

Just say the n word, man. We all know what you mean
Yup. People can stick their heads in the dirt and pretend these firms don't affect character designs but it is what it is.
Oh boy. Fuck DEI. Those people came to ruin games. The same way they ruined the other media.

There are allegations of gaslighting:

I cant with so many people gaslighting themselves into liking this design, OR the horrendous voice acting. So many of you guys are in pure copium mode right now, Just like with the trainwreck that is SH short message. This game looks worse and worse every time they show more of it, and everyone sticking up for the hideous character design and pretending the game looks good only because some of you compare it to the miniscule ps2 era gameplay of the OG isn't going to change how crap this remake's vision is. As someone who encourages people to take risks when it comes to remakes and reboots, I will be open minded. But it’s not looking good.

This sub is deleting any comments or posts that even slightly suggest there is something weird with how she looks. Her face does not look like a normal 19 year old girls and if you think it does your on some of that high dose copium.

People on the sub won't take any form of criticism, they'll just downvote you to doom. Her face is rather uncanny imo. I feel like they could've done it better

I don't mind being down voted. I've expressed my opinion and anyone who disagrees is welcome to express theres. What I do find amusing is the "you're just an incel" cope. These are supposed to be people against sexualization but make fun of other people's sex lives. But this is Reddit, so I'm not expecting anything better.

Comparisons are made:

I agree. If they feel inspired by Quagmire from Family Guy, then they should stick to their vision.

Bait used to be believable

I swear Silent Hill “fans” have to be the most obnoxious, I kinda see why we got nothing for such a long time.

Make Genshin fans look almost sane.

Denial used to be believable. Hit Detection worked on this game and that explains a lot.

”Hideous”:

She looks hideous. Can't believe this is what Blooper is doing.

Trust me brother you absolutely look worse than her

Yet you don't know what he or she looks like.
Stand on business and post yourself then lil bro
Sad to see people lack the critical thinking to critique this game. Blooper gave this woman a man jaw and it looks downright ugly. How does a character model from 2001 look better than one from 2024? Goes to show how much team silent cared about their game while blooper is just trying to make a quick buck.

The Flairs:

• “the trend of uglyfying formerly ok looking characters just for the progressive checkmark”
  
• “you’re all shit with your toxic positivity”
  
• “if a female doesn't give them a boner then it's woke”
  
• “theyre mad cuz they cant nut to a trauma victim”
  

Hi, David here!
One of the most powerful things that a pause can convey is the fact that you are not being reactive. A short pause or silence before you respond to another person shows that you are grounded and not easily shaken or made uncomfortable by their words or the situation. It also gives you time to collect your thoughts and not respond in a purely emotional way.
In some cases its ok to even completely dismiss something or not respond to it at all. Especially if it is illogical, non-meaningful or only being done to provoke you. You can frame something as being so far-fetched or ridiculous that it’s not even worth acknowledging.
Many guys make the mistake of reacting to other peoples judgments by instantly qualifying themselves. They become either defensive or unnecessary apologetic over something that another person may of took the slightest offence to or disagreed with it. A defensive posture communicates that one is not self-secure, while an overly apologetic reaction shows a lack of conviction as well as confidence in yourself.
Such behavior can also convey neediness, where you so heavily desire the other person to like or accept you that you are willing to change what you say. And if you are willing to change what you say in order to get another person to like you, that means that you are not communicating honestly. And if a person does not feel like you are truly being your honest self with them, then they won’t trust you, respect you or find you attractive.
So the next time you feel the need the instantly blurt out an emotional retort to someone, try pausing first instead.
​
BTW, I wanted to let you know that I just finished putting together my eBook "Bros Guide to Meeting Women" version 4.0 and would LOVE to get some honest feedback from you!
I decided to give it away for free for the time being.
​
The eBook is 27 pages long and gives you a practical step-by-step solution to meeting women (15+ years of knowledge put into it).
You can get the eBook by clicking here!
​
This book is the result of going out and socializing with girls for over a decade. I have put in there all the fundamentals I have learned over that time so I would really appreciate all the feedback I could get!!
​
What are your thoughts? Do you have any tips to add?
Let's discuss in the comments :)
Thanks for reading and have a GREAT day!
David Davidson

I don't even know where to start with this one. I (17M) live with my mom (42F) and dad (45M) as well as my little brother (7M) who we'll call Chris.
Chris is adopted. His mom was my mom's best friend, and her and her husband passed away not long after he was born due to a car accident. My mom was his godmother, and took him in as her own. This was known to me since I was old enough to remember when he got adopted, but Chris wasn't, and he still isn't aware.
I was doing my homework the other night, and realised I was hungry. It was around midnight so I thought no one would be up, and decided to head to the kitchen. To my surprise, Chris was sitting on the floor reading a book in the living room. I came over and asked what he was doing up, and he looked up at me and told me he found a photo album in mom's drawers while looking for his sleeping gummies. He'd had a nightmare and didn't want to wake her, so thought he'd just grab some of his gummies and try and head back to sleep. He begged me not to tell mom or dad he was awake, and asked if he could look at the photos for just a little longer. I felt a little guilty, since I don't get a lot of time with him, so I selfishly let him stay up a while. I figured the photos would give him some positive memories and would give him something better to think about when he went back to bed.
We went to a random page in the book and it was a little before I was born, and they were photos of my mom. She looked beautiful, but I noticed she wasn't showing very much of a bump. Considering my mom is Korean and I know her mother didn't show much either, I figured it must've just been the photo and the dress she was wearing, or maybe the way she was turned from the camera. She was painting something and smiling at the camera, and the photo had a date from a few months before I was born. However, the further I looked, the more it seemed like she just wasn't pregnant at all. She never started showing, even days before I was born. Not only that, but there were no signs of her being pregnant in a celebratory sense, no baby showers, no artistic photos of my dad holding her stomach, nothing. This is bizarre because my parents are both quite artistic and expressive, my mom's a painter and my dad's an ex musician, so I assumed there would be pretty expressive photos of her pregnancy. But nope, nothing. Okay, so I'm adopted. Honestly not an awful surprise but still bizarre that this is how I found out. I got to the day of my birth in the album and I felt my jaw drop.
It was my mom in the hospital. She was holding me in a bundle of blankets, smiling cheerfully. Okay, so I'm not adopted, then what's the deal? But then I notice something. My mom is fully dressed, in her favourite sundress with her makeup and hair done. She doesn't look like a woman who's just given birth at all! However, as I go further through the photos I notice something stranger. There's a photo of another man holding me, right above another photo of a woman laying down, holding me with a smile. It's my aunt and uncle.
For a little backstory, my aunt, who we'll call Mina (46F) and my uncle, Gabriel (44M) are from my dad's side of the family. Gabriel is my dad's brother, and Mina's his wife. When I was 15, we met with my aunt and uncle, as well as my dad's parents, for Chuseok, a Korean holiday (My dad is Korean too). My parents told me this would be my first time meeting my aunt and uncle. However, when they walked in the room, I realised I had seen my aunt before. I couldn't really place it, but I brought it up to them. They all tried to brush it off and not talk about it, and my aunt kept giving me this weird, sad look. And she gave someone else the same sort of look: my mom.
I was in shock. My aunt was clearly the one in the photo who had given birth. The next few photos were of my parents with Mina and I, holding her close and cooing at me, etc. I kept going through and Mina and Gabriel seemed to be so present. They were there all the way until I was about 5, at which point they seemed to disappear from the photos. After a while my mom came in and I shoved the album under the coffee table. I told her to go back to bed and that I'd settle Chris down myself. She sleepily agreed and didn't argue, and went off to bed without another word. I put my brother to bed, and when I came out to the living room, my dad was there. He said he had just come home from my Uncle Gabriel's, that he'd had to stop by work to drop one of the keys off that he accidentally pocketed, and that my Uncle had texted that he was up and wanted to see if my dad wanted to stop on by. This isn't uncommon. My dad and I talked. I didn't mention what I'd found, but I implied he and mom hid a lot of things from me. He seemed to catch on that I'd found something, telling me we can discuss it over lunch tomorrow before his meeting, and then he went to bed. I'm so confused! Why would my parents hide this from me? Are they my parents? Are they actually my aunt and uncle? I don't know what to do! I guess I'll update this when I talk to my dad, but I'm still so confused. Thanks for letting me vent, and sorry if this is a mess.

I don’t know where to start, this will be a long post. If you read through, thank you!
I first stopped speaking to my mother in 2019, I would now describe her as a covert narcissist but at the time I was just fed up with feeling like I was parenting an emotionally volatile teenager every time I spoke to her, every conversation ended in an argument and I was always to blame, always “breaking her heart”. I was an emotional (and on a few occasions as a teen, physical) punching bag and I just couldn’t take it anymore. For a few months her texts would switch between loving, heartbroken and scorned, getting meaner and meaner the longer I left them without a reply. She then started texting my boyfriend (now husband) to tell him how the no-contact was tearing her apart and giving him messages to pass on to me.
Fast forward, I fell pregnant at the end of 2021 and felt that she needed to hear the news from me. Less out of any actual desire to speak to her and more because I didn’t know what she would do if I let her hear it through the grapevine. I had read a couple of books about narcissistic parents by this point and set very clear boundaries for her. I would send her pregnancy updates and ultrasounds but I didn’t want unsolicited advice or constant phone calls and I was absolutely not prepared to hash out our “differences”. This was fine for a couple of months until is wasn’t and she stopped respecting my boundaries, called me non-stop until I answered and told me I was selfish if I didn’t want to talk. I pushed back and she told me to “have a nice life” and blocked me.
Our daughter was born 4 months later and at 4 days post-partum I got a text from her saying “I’m flying to name of my town on Friday, I don’t care if you don’t want to see me. You will show me my granddaughter through the window if you’re still not speaking to me”, I called her in hormonal hysterics while she was with friends and she answered the phone with this unnatural, sickly sweet voice and said “darling, you sound so upset what’s wrong? Do you have support at home?” It was like talking to a stranger, the thought of that phone call still sends a chill down my spine. My dad (they have been divorced for many years) eventually talked her out of the visit and she blocked me again.
This pattern has repeated itself multiple times over the past 2 years since my daughter was born, I set a boundary and she disregards it. I am selfish and she is heartbroken, she blocks me and I don’t hear anything for a couple of months. Then she begs me to unblock her so I can send pictures of her granddaughter. For clarity’s sake, I have never blocked her.
That brings us more or less to today. My family (husband, daughter, dog and I) will be moving overseas for work in about 2 months, this happened suddenly as is the nature of my husband’s job. We found out yesterday and my dad was the first person I told (we have a great relationship), he told his mom (my grandmother) and she told my mother. This morning I received multiple calls followed by a text from her telling me she’d like to have a “little chat”, reluctantly I worked up the courage to call her and she asked me straight away if we were moving overseas, I said yes. She told me “I will be coming to stay before you go” I told her that wouldn’t work, I have a lot on my plate preparing for the move and I would be lying if I said that a visit for her wouldn’t add more stress, she started to yell immediately asking “are you really so selfish that you can’t make time for your own mother?” I asked her to calm down and she said “now you’ve fucking done it, that’s it we’re done” and hung up, the whole call was less than two minutes and I hardly got a word in.
I couldn’t help it, I sat and cried for a while. As much distance as I have tried to put between us, hearing my mother speak to me that way still triggers this feeling inside of me and I revert back to this little child hiding in the corner of my room from my mom’s big feelings. I called her back and asked if we could talk calmly, my exact words were “I think your emotions are controlling you right now and I don’t want to leave things like that” unfortunately, she did not stay calm. She told me her heart was broken for me because one day my daughter would cut me off too and I’ll have regrets about the way I’ve treated my own mother, she said I am a my father’s surname through and through, that I’ve always been a selfish bitch who never thinks about anyone else’s feelings, she then told me to have a nice life (again) and that she never wants to speak to me again. She hung up after that.
I guess I just don’t know where to go from here. I feel sick and anxious and I’m not completely convinced that she won’t just turn up to my house anyway. The words “no-contact” sound so clear cut and linear but I feel like my journey has been anything but. Sometimes I think she’s right and I really am selfish for wanting distance, but accomodating her feelings constantly and mentally preparing for her next emotional tirade every few months is also affecting my ability to be present and healthy in my relationships with my own family.
I should mention that she has made no effort to take accountability for our relationship breakdown in the past 5 years. She will ask if I’m “over it yet” or resort to a disingenuous “fine, I was a terrible mother and I never did anything right” type of apology, she also laughed at me when I asked her to seek therapy if she wants any kind of real relationship in the future.
If you’ve read this far and you’re comfortable sharing, please tell me how you cope with the turbulence of no-contact or with emotionally immature parents in general. I would be so grateful to just know that I’m not alone in this.

Op- https://www.reddit.com/WritingPrompts/s/sWJUxDJ0SO
John’s left hand was squeezed white against the wheel of his old pick-up; he held his son, Alex, close with his other.
As they rattled down the uneven country roads, rain pelted their windshield with a fury. John continually glanced into the rearview. Thunder clapped at their back like the hands of god, and through the white flashes of lightning, he could make out a large barrel of rotating black smoke. Each time he looked, it seemed to have grown larger, and one singular thought repeated in his mind.
Make it to the cellar, he thought. Make it to the cellar.
He gripped his son tighter and pressed the accelerator with a heavy foot. The truck roared beneath them.
“Come on…” He muttered. He was driving nearly eighty.
“Dad?” Alex’s voice was small, and John could feel him trembling under his arm.
John rubbed his shoulder. “It’s okay, bud. We’re nearly there; it ain’t gonna get us.” Truthfully, though, he wasn’t sure if he believed the words himself.
“But Dad, I’m scared.”
Just then, a strong gust of wind punched the side of the truck, nearly sending it swerving into the ditch. With a squealing effort, John steadied it and accelerated faster. The boy’s head was now buried into his armpit. Limbs began falling from trees; scattered debris carpeted the roads.
John looked down at his son; he was still wearing his blue Little League uniform. All of this for a damn baseball game, he thought, then looked back at the road. He stomped the brakes. Alex screamed as they lurched forward and John stuck an arm out to keep him from flying into the windshield. The truck skidded sideways to a halt on the wet road. A giant oak tree, maybe eight feet in diameter, lay flat across their path.
“Fuck.” John muttered as he smacked the steering wheel with his palm. There wasn’t any getting around that.
He darted his eyes around wildly, looking for some sort of a solution—anything—but all he found was fear. The swirling column of dark wind was getting closer now, and his options were growing increasingly limited.
Then he noticed something. Just past the downed tree a green mile marker sign glowed back at him—the mile marker sign that’s about a half mile away from their house.
They were closer than they thought.
He grabbed Alex by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “We’re gonna make a run for it.
“What?” Alex asked, his eyes wide with terror.
“I know; I don’t want to either, but it’s our only shot. I—“
“No!” Alex shouted. He tried to say more, but the words just sputtered out in incoherent globs.
“Hey,” John said patiently, but Alex was in hysterics. John looked over his shoulder. Power lines were beginning to fall, and the transformers were popping into big blue sparks as they hit the ground. He looked back at Alex.
“HEY!” He shouted.
Alex stopped immediately and looked at him in surprise. He never yelled.
“Do you trust me?” He asked.
Alex moved his mouth, but no breath came to push the words out.
“Do you trust me?” John asked again, shaking the boy a little.
This time, Alex nodded yes.
“Okay, now listen. I’m going to pick you up, and we’re gonna run. I want you to close your eyes, and I don’t want you to open them until I tell you it’s okay. Do you understand?”
The boy nodded again, and a tear fell down his cheek as he closed his eyes.
John scooped him up and creaked the metal door open into the rain. Lightning continued to snap overhead; there was a metallic smell in the air, like burning wires, and the humidity was thick enough to choke a man.
He held the boy's head against his shoulder and started in a sort of half run to the driveway. Alex felt heavier than he used to, and it made him wonder just how long ago it was since he’d held him that way.
Cold rain whipped at their back, sticking their clothes to their skin like slick velcro. John spat the water from his mouth as he trudged forward blindly in the dark. His muscles started to burn. His feet snagged on branches, trash, and other debris that had blown in, threatening to trip him, and sudden dips or rises staggered him as his foot met only air where he expected solid earth.
John could feel the boy sobbing once more. “We’re almost there; we’re gonna make it.” He panted. This time, he really believed what he said. The driveway came into view as they rounded the last corner.
Limbs the size of cedar trees blew past them like confetti. One cracked John in the back of the head, sending him and Alex tumbling onto the ground. The pain was brilliant. For a moment, he saw white, but his vision quickly cleared, and he looked up at Alex.
Alex sat with his knees tucked to his chest, holding a scrape. His skin and clothes were covered in twigs, mud, and pine needles, and his face was twisted with fright—contorted like one of those dramatic masquerade masks as he rocked back and forth. His eyes were open now.
The twister roared behind them like a gasoline truck chugging up a hill. John scrambled to his feet. He scooped Alex into his arms, and started toward the house once again. His head was pounding, his muscles were on fire, blood was thudding against his ears, and that same thought from earlier continued to swim laps around his mind.
Make it to the cellar.
He pressed on, planting one solid foot into the ground at a time and marching forward like a well oiled machine.
Gravel crunched beneath his feet as he walked down the driveway; wind whipped their wet clothes like flags.
John shed Alex from his arms and looked down at the wooden cellar door. He tried pulling it open, but the wind shoved it back down. It was picking up even more now. Shingles began to be sucked from the roof, and John knew that if he didn’t get this door open, he and Alex would follow closely behind.
He pulled as hard as he could, grunting with the effort. Alex quickly joined him in the struggle, helping as much as a nine-year-old possibly could. It began to come up a little, but the wind was powerful.
John screamed and dug in harder. He had to get it open. He felt his muscles tearing beneath his skin, his joints cracking; he used every single ounce of his strength, and finally the door began to give. He pried it just far enough for them to fit.
“GET IN,” He shouted. The boy jumped inside, and John followed shortly after. The door slammed behind him with a smack that resembled a gunshot.
The cellar was dark. Screws and bolts and toolboxes filled with wrenches and other metal things shook and rumbled off of the shelves. A few baseball bats fell and clinked across the concrete floor. Up top, it sounded like a giant lawnmower was making quick work of the farmhouse, eating it up like it was little more than a stray blade of grass.
John’s head still throbbed, and he could feel warm blood trickling down the back of his neck. He was tired, breathing raggedly, and all of a sudden he had a very strong urge to go to sleep.
They held each other in darkness, sitting there for what seemed like an eternity, but just as quickly as it began, it was over. The roar lessened, quieted, then disappeared as it got further away.
The two looked at each other, both covered in dirt and debris, and John knew that everything was gone. He knew that the house was gone; he knew the farm was gone, and he knew that just about everything else he had ever worked for was torn to shreds in a matter of minutes.
But he looked at Alex, and when he saw the twinkle of life in his son’s eye, he breathed a sigh of relief. That was all that mattered. They sat for an hour in silence, not daring to step out until they were sure it was safe.
Eventually, rays of light began to beam through the cracks in the cellar door. John was the first to move. He walked to the door, flung it outward and shielded his squinted eyes to look outside.
The sky was blue. He hoisted himself upward and poked his head out.
His barn was still there. Bessie, his cow, was standing beside it, chewing on a mouthful of grass; all of the chickens strutted around the side of the barn, nearing the garden, which also looked untouched; the squash was even blooming. Behind him, their house stood tall, perfectly intact all the way up to the shingles.
The oddest thing of all was his farm pickup parked in the driveway—no worse shape than when they left for the ballgame.
John scratched his head.
“Dad?” Alex shouted.
“You can come up.” He said, puzzled.
Alex crawled out of the cellar in the same fashion as his father, and confusion dawned on his face as well. “It missed us?”
John shook his head. “No way it coulda missed us. I don’t really know what to make of it.”
He really didn’t. They saw the twister coming directly at them; they heard the house ripped to shreds right above their heads; the farm truck didn’t make it back to the house at all, for Christ's sake. It just didn’t make any damn sense.
A feminine voice called out to them—a voice John recognized at the first syllable. “John? Alex?”
“Vick..” He mouthed and whipped his head around. A tall woman with blonde hair was walking around the side of the porch, stepping as gracefully as a doe. Her eyes were as green as the pines behind her, and she gave a smile that held more reassurance than a million words could express.
She spread her arms wide. “My boys.” She said. John stood motionless, his mouth slightly agape. Alex pushed past him as he ran, “Mommy!” He shouted.
The woman wrapped the boy in a hug and lifted him from his feet. As she held his head against her shoulder, she pointed her eyes in John’s direction and held out her other hand.
He walked toward her, cautiously.
“John.” She said. “It’s me, I promise.”
John looked at her for a moment longer. He wanted to run to her, to wrap her up and lift her the same way she did Alex. For the past two years, there had been nothing in this world that he’d wanted more.
But his wife was dead. He watched as the cancer took her in 2014; he held her in his arms as she died in the hospital bed, yet there she stood—healthy and as real as the sun beating down on his neck. He reached a hand to the back of his head, feeling for the place where the branch whacked him.
But there was nothing—not even a tender spot.
He looked back up at his wife. “Are we…”
“Hush, dont think about it like that, John.” She smiled, “We’re together now.”
John staggered a little, staring down at his hands; his once farm hardened callouses were gone now, smoothed over with soft, healthy skin.
“I—“ He began.
“Get over here and hug me.”
He looked up; his wife looked back at him lovingly with her direct, green eyes, and for the first time in so long, he felt happy. A feeling he’d grown a stranger to. A grin tightened across his face, and he walked toward Vick as their old golden retriever ran panting toward them from across the yard, just like she used to, only now; she had all four of her legs.