Benadryl muscle twitching

First/Previous
Gemma was right about the sky’s open night, and I could sympathize with her recollection of the beauty, but for me it must’ve been a greater tragedy—the young woman had only ever enjoyed the stars in the pits of Golgotha; I could, long before, drink in the sky at leisure. Cruel memories.
The night the Rednecks died was one of viscera, but before that it was coolness on the breeze, a warmth by the fires while John played his guitar and we had only just taken two dozen kegs of lager (personal reserves) from the Atlanta despot—the man that kept his subjects as slaves and not a person among the camp was left without budding intoxication. No matter the age, everyone was invited to be merry; if it was that children too faced the plight of a bad world, then so too should they reap the moments of plenty—or so the camp figured.
John had taken a group by the fires where wagons were drawn in interlocking semicircles for cover and Jackson sat beside the picker. Jackson was a man which normally preferred quiet reflection over boisterous singing and nearly never wore the band on his throat, and yet there he was belting out the chorus at the top of his lungs, tankard in hand, red cloth blazed around his neck—it was a contagion and those drunk enough for easier embarrassment sang proudly along:
“There is power, there is power in a band of working folk!
When we stand hand in hand,
That’s a power, that’s the power,
That must rule in every land!”
I’d taken to the outlying shadows with my back pressed against the gas-powered caleche, my own tankard in hand. I loved the warmth of that great big family, truly, but even in those days—and maybe it was that queer youthfulness which longed for individualism that made me that way then—I remained as distanced as possible when I could. I sipped the lager, it was a fine drink and my brother Billy, nearly as old as I was when I’d first taken up in the infantry, swaggered to stand beside me just as quiet for minutes and we looked at the stars and he asked me what it was like to kill a man.
“Is it hard?” he asked.
I nodded, “Sometimes.”
“Killing monsters ain’t so bad. Don’t know if I could do it to a person.”
“You could if they meant to kill you; or if they meant to do it to someone you cared about,” I promised him. In those days, spry, energized, I held no time for staring into abysses; though I still wasn’t a man fully, I pretended as one. It was about family, and it was about doing what was right—what’s right seemed to change, or I changed. The world felt stark with good and evil and even later I’d feel that sentiment well up in me, but if that’s true, I know I stand more on the latter and so I intentionally obfuscated it—this I know. If not, it might be too much to bear. I was required to lie to myself and even in knowing I lied, it was better.
Billy tugged on the red kerchief around his throat and asked me how it looked on him.
“Looks good,” I said.
“Don’t think I look stupid at all?”
I smiled over my drink, “You always look stupid.” I sipped. “The neckwear’s fine.”
“Give me a break,” said Billy; he investigated his own cup, gave it a swish with his wrist, watching its contents swirl. “Aren’t you ever afraid you’ll die?”
“Sometimes—nights like this—I wouldn’t mind it.”
“Really?” my brother asked.
“There’s always a chance of it. Every moment, I guess.”
He smiled. “I wish I had that confidence.”
“You’ll get it,” I returned his smile; it was true that he would gain the fighting spirit. It came to us all with time and reminiscing on the early days, I recall the grit and the hatred—there was learning there too though. Besides, I’d seen the squalors of a stationary man. The stagnation of a place, an unmoving home.
John put his guitar away and laughter erupted from the crowd from something said and Sibylle, cowboy hat cocked funny, traipsed across the camp to the open keg for a refill; the man there, tending the cylinders, was a man named Tandy (a foreigner and one unknown besides the way he smoked a skunk pipe and told wild stories). My mother leaned over while Tandy opened the spigot mouth on the keg, and she froze there, and I could see her there cut out forever against the light of the fires; I watched, and it came so suddenly that I couldn’t be sure what’d happened at all. It was so sudden that I couldn’t find my weapon and I couldn’t find even the courage to fight because in those moments it wasn’t courage I needed, it was grounds to understand.
Sibylle came apart in two pieces immediately, torn completely through and dust erupted as her legs struck the ground while her torso spun through the air like a top, a trail of liquid trailed after, caught in the blue of night so it shone as black; she couldn’t scream. Tandy was a statue. Before anyone could react, more flesh, other bodies, went up and there was all manner of limbs which filled the ground, and it is astounding how quickly a red mist forms across the ground during a massacre. Perhaps the wails of my comrades started before, perhaps others fell before Sibylle, but I could not comprehend the goings-on till I saw her drop the way she did.
Frail human screams rose on the night; I slammed to the ground, tankard gone away and hands scrambling in the dirt; I reached up blindly and yanked Billy to my level and his expression was one of innocence, panic, tears even. Glancing around, I saw the demons bolt from the pitch-black darkness on the edges of camp, mutants taking the fore while greater creatures lurked further back, some hurled whips of gliding metal which writhed over their heads when they stretched them out for a strike—alien—and they sliced directly through soft human bodies. Not even a cry escaped me, but Billy let go with it and I slapped my cupped hand over his mouth hard to hold the screams. His voice would not have been alone anyway, not alongside that startling cacophony. Amidst the cries of people, there were the cries of horses, of our hounds.
We rolled across the ground, slipped beneath the raised body of the gas-powered caleche, remained quiet in the dark, peeked out between the wheels.
“What’s happening?” Billy whispered through my fingers; I removed my hand from him and caught a glimpse of him framed in a square of firelight through the wheels—we lay there on our bellies and the left side of his face was glazed with dirt where I’d pulled him down.
“Shh,” I told him, “Shh, please. Please.” Not another word came while I pleaded with him, pleaded with the world to make this all a nightmare.
Through the haze and the running silhouettes painted black, I saw what might have been Jackson; he stumbled and in the moment that it took me to gasp, his head was gone from his body, his torso slid on as he collapsed, came to rest mere feet from the motor wagon. I told myself that it wasn’t him, but it probably was.
Some mutants lumbered through the camp like animated corpses, some leapt with wild energy or sprayed noxious fumes which lingered in the air; others still were amalgams of humanlike limbs themselves—fiends—exhausting terrible sounds, producing smells of sulfur, glistening with whatever liquids excreted from their oblong alien orifices. Demons ran amok, chanted in devil tongued languages, laughed madly at the destruction—others still, those which displayed some greater intelligence, broke into a song I could never hope or want to replicate; it seemed a unified damnation.
“Please,” I repeated in a whimper and Billy hushed me this time and I realized we were holding hands, squeezing for dear life as figures walked the camp, speared those half-alive, elected others for twisted carnality.
In darkness, in fright plainly, we scuttled from the recess of our hiding place, kept quiet, held to each other, and went into the wasteland where nothing was—every shadow was a potential threat, every second could’ve been the last. We were holding hands; then we weren’t.
Only a glance—that’s all I afforded my brother and nothing more—what a joke of a person I am! What a coward I was. Always.
Something got him in the dark and instead of dying alongside those I cared about, I went on, heartbeat driving me till it was all that I heard in my ears and my muscles ached and my chest heaved and sweat covered me, chilled me in the breeze of the night—it was only once I’d accepted the dark completely, crawled into a hollowed space of rocks along a squat ridge that I watched the demolished camp; it seemed no larger than a spark, but the creatures, fiends and others continued their war cries; never before had I witnessed demons participate in such an attack.
I watched till the sun came, till the fires became smoke, then I watched the band of hell creatures disband. The smell of sulfur remained in the air—copper too—and I stumbled back to the camp in a dreamlike daze, totally unbelieving of the things I saw. Among those dead on the ground, I could recognize none; among those piked from rear to shoulder, standing like morbid scarecrows where they’d been steadied against the ground, I could not want to recognize.
Many of the wagons were overturned, including the gas-powered caleche and I went to it; the metal of its body was warped but I fell to the ground by it and pushed my back against the exposed undercarriage, remained frozen there while examining the bodies, the terrible strips of skin which rested places like wet sheets of paper, the piles of bones removed and smashed and piled.
I cried so deeply that oxygen became a memory, and the shakes couldn’t be contained.
It was like that for so long, knees pulled up, face pushed between, and the wails came unafraid of whatever attention they might garner; there was no rationale, but I imagine if there had been, I would’ve welcomed death in that misery. It was a deep wound that not even my own cowardice would overcome for the sake of survival.
Unaware of my surroundings, not wanting to look up from the ground between my legs, the noise which had started out as imaginary became real and I raised my head then to listen better and wipe my sore eyes; it was the sound of clip-clop horse hooves and I mildly wondered if any of the animals had been spared. I stood and pivoted around the dead camp and there it was, a man on a painted horse with golden hair; he leisurely drove the mount through the place, maneuvering around pools of blood, clumps of body parts and upon seeing me, he smiled and offered a languid wave, keeping one of his gloved hands on the reins.
The man wore white and swished his hair back upon arriving directly in front of me. Ahoy, he offered kindly, Did you happen to see the other riders?
I shook my head, feeling numb.
Ah, he said, I could have sworn four other riders, at least, passed me on my way. His gray eyes examined the carnage. Shame. He shook his head. You are?
“H-harlan.”
He nodded and nearly offered an expression of genuine condolence before descending from the horse; the animal gave a gentle grunt and wandered away from its master to inspect a nearby group of the dead. The man offered his hand, and I took it in a shake. Mephisto, said the man. He flashed a smile again before his face grew serious. I’ve come to you to deal.
I shot him a questioning look, one of bafflement.
I heard your calls from far off. He nodded, removed a white handkerchief from his breast pocket and swiped it down his face. Hot out. He shrugged then replaced the cloth in his pocket. This, he motioned to the disarray of vehicles, of bodies, I can’t fix all this—it’s too much—but there’s a person you love, I know. I could bring them back.
“Doctor?” In retrospect it was such a naïve question.
He shook his head.
“Angel?”
He grinned and nodded, Sure.
“Demon?”
Undoubtedly. His eyes—pits of gray in that radiant face—nearly expressed solemness; he daintily shook the hair from his face and looked at his steed which sniffed a corpse. What’s the word, Harlan? There are others calling and I must be on my way soon—I can’t dally. There was a sharpness to the words. Can’t dally. We must convene soon, or I’ll mosey on.
I snorted back the clog in my nose from the tears and wiped my eyes with my sleeves. “Okay.”
Deal?
I nodded, “Deal.”
Sleep tonight, said Mephisto, Sleep and you’ll be rewarded in the morning.
“You said it’s a deal.”
He nodded and scanned the carnage before we matched gazes and then he said, Yes?
“What is it you want from me?”
Nothing you need now. He called the horse, and it came, and he swept his feet quickly from the ground and settled into position atop the animal. Sleep, Harlan. You won’t be bothered. There are worse things still over the horizon.
I watched him go till he disappeared and once he was gone, I couldn’t cry anymore and instead rummaged through the wagons for what I might carry; along the way I found John, face twisted but corpse intact. The body from the previous night that I’d guessed was Jackson couldn’t be determined but I found him nowhere else. I slid Sibylle’s holster from her hips, fell hard onto the ground and found that I could sob more. I took her cowboy hat, placed it on my head and held her pistol in one hand and the belt holster dangled from the other while I searched the other bodies; there were so many, but I could not find Billy.
Waiting for darkness, I took the spot where I rested, back against the caleche’s undercarriage, watched the sky and felt the gun in my hand; it was heavy. I put it to my head, closed my eyes, and whispered affirmations to myself then I put the pistol between my splayed legs, watched it still in the dirt, and pulled the hat down over my eyes but it did little for the smell. Though the brim of the hat cut the sky out, I watched the ground and saw circling shadows form overhead and heard calls of turkey vultures; they came to pick over the bodies. I withdrew my knees to my chest there again and laid my forearm across them and bit into my arm while closing my eyes. I had thought I was a man and for a time, maybe I was, but there in that miserable pit of despair I became a child again and if I’d become more delirious, I’m sure I might’ve called out for Jackson like it was a bad dream.
Into a fading stupor of sleep in the sun I went and when I awoke again it was dark and chilly and I was tired and hungry but too sick to eat and hardly strong enough to move; I looked at the gun and put it into its holster and left it there by the caleche. In the light of the moon and stars, I moved to gather a bolt of canvas; I unfurled the fabric and created a leaning shelter against the overturned vehicle and crawled into it. There was a hole in the canvas, and I peeked out at the stars.
Weeping came again, but not so uproarious; I was stuck there letting go of whimpers, lying on my back, feeling the tears trace in lines from the outer corners of my eyes to collect along my earlobes. In time, I fell to sleep again on the hard ground because the mourning had taken all else from me.
A pinpoint of sunlight broke my eyelids and I jerked awake and reached for the holster, but it was gone. So was the hat. I crawled from the leaning shelter and there he was.
Billy stood plainly among the dried, congealed blood-soaked field and he looked on to the horizon and all shadows were long in the midday sun which hung up there in a soft blue sky. Whether it be a dream or a spell, I couldn’t care—I charged to him and spun him so he faced me and though his face was plain and expressionless, I wrapped him into a forceful hug. He placed his hands on my back and gave a gentle squeeze; when I pulled from him, my hands on his shoulders, I saw he held Sibylle’s hat in his left hand, pinched by the brim; he’d already tugged her holster belt around his hips—he could have it all. I shook while holding him then let go to wipe my face.
“You’re alive,” I nodded.
He nodded without speaking then looked at the hat in his hand and placed it on his head and firmly pressed it down.
“Billy! Hell, you’re alive!”
The corners of his mouth twitched upward for a moment then he nodded again. “Yeah.” His eyes curiously searched our surroundings like he meant to take each detail in forever.
I slapped him on the shoulder and almost squealed. “Goddammit.” I wiped my eyes again and could do little to keep the excitement from exploding from me. “Oh, we should go. We should go on and get somewhere safe.”
He nodded toward the horizon, “’Lanta?”
“Sure.”
We packed and it was a like an ethereal phantom remained among us beside the quiet dead; turkey vultures cawed to break the silence, pecked where they pleased on the bodies, and I couldn’t want to fight them. I kept sidelong eyes on Billy with the ever-present worry that he’d vanish. Perhaps he was the phantom.
From the rear of the caleche, I removed a few sentimental books Jackson liked, essential cookware, and sparse rations for the trek. The last thing I grabbed was my shotgun and a bit of ammo.
As we set from the dead place, the terrible silhouettes that were cut from there on the horizon behind us grew in my mind with every backward glance—I wanted to fall to pieces, but I saw Billy walk alongside me and although contented is not the right word, it is the nearest. The steps of our boots were all that was heard because I could not fathom to pierce the space between us with words for fear that it would all end. It was a dream, surely. I’d lost my mind. With my hands thumbed into the straps of my pack, I saw I my hands still shook, and they would shake a lot longer—years and with memories too. The crunch of earth underfoot became a rhythm and instead of looking at my brother, I watched his shadow on the ground.
“Everyone’s dead?” He asked.
“Yeah.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah,” I repeated.
“How ain’t I? How ain’t you?”
To say that it was luck would’ve been too morbid. Instead of saying anything, I shrugged, kicked a loose stone, watched my feet some more, and felt a queasiness come over me. For the moment, the immeasurable deaths of those I’d left behind were forgotten in the company of my brother and a sickness welled up inside of me so suddenly that I felt that I’d fall to pieces at the slightest provocation. Finally, I did speak again, but only after steeling myself to the troubles, “Yeah, how are you alive?”
Billy shrugged at me then stumbled up a hill which overlooked trash wood wilderness where sticks lay twisted and bare and further on the sight of Atlanta was visible and I cupped a hand across my brow and Billy did the same and we looked on at the shadows of the place out there where strings of smoke rose from the skyline as a signature for the desolation of the city; it was dead. I felt it in my bones.
My hands were light while my head was heavy, my throat was dry, and the entire world seized in moments of stillness or perhaps it was my own vision which construed the world in that way; I took to the small hill which Billy had climbed and sat there and stared at the place between my feet to steady myself.
“Fire,” said Billy.
I nodded and nearly choked.
Leviathan—till then I had no belief in dragons—glided over the broken city, its winged shadow little seen but its voice was deep across the scene, letting go of roars which shook the ground. We hid among the trash wood and moved down the hill and watched the creature thrash in the air as if it was angry for its abominable life. Whatever millennia it spent in the pits of hell seemingly thrust upon it a love of destruction and pain.
My brother moved with a more assured stride and kept a cool distance and upon fleeing from the wreckage, from the outlying area of Atlanta and the place we’d left our family, he spoke little and watched me strangely whenever I took to melancholic fatiguing. We lit no fires for fear of what it could draw from the night so in the dark I’d see him watching some far-off place, maybe seeing through the reality which surrounded us, and he’d snap from it, catch my eye, and disappear for minutes to scan the perimeter of whatever place we stayed. Being alongside my resurrected brother was lonelier than I could bear, and I hoped he’d disappear for good or that I could work up the courage to end my own life. It was like purgatory explained in books and for a time, it felt endless; upon witnessing the destruction of Atlanta, we pushed to Marrietta, and it was much the same. As was Chatanooga, Nashville, Knoxville, Louisville, Charlotte. The ocean had risen so that Fayetville was gone underwater, and the Florida leg disappeared completely as far as I’m aware. I understood later that Memphis was overlooked and more places further west were alive too, but when we’d exhausted the south, we moved north and found strongholds of families or traders or even small groupings of civilization, but by and large we found nothing much in the two years that we hoofed it from place to place; it was my doing mostly—I wanted to find a place untouched by the mayhem in the area my family had once patrolled.
In retrospect, I am certain that Billy only stayed by my side for convenience; there wasn’t any of my brother left in the man that was my travelling companion for that time. He was a ghost of a person and Mephisto had preyed upon my desire in the worst moment of weakness in my life. There were nights—maybe we’d taken up in a natural alcove for shelter or we’d locked ourselves in some ancient structure for sleep—I’d watch Billy lay where he was, Sibylle’s hat and holster lying beside him, and I’d think of putting him down but he’d stir and in a brief shadow I’d see my brother as he’d been and withdraw to bury my face in fake sleep to be met with images of the night the demons attacked where I’d shake, sweat, and bite my lips so hard I’d drink blood.
Two years we marched around the Appalachians and in that time, I felt myself wither and disconnect.
Upon moving further north we met Indianapolis—that’s what it was called back then—and it was run by an older woman called Lady Lazarus; I reckon her father, affluent and dead, was a fan of Plath. Indianapolis was fortified more than most with its high walls, and its wall men, and its underground facilities which produced substantial ammunition. We—me and Billy’s revenant—were travelling with a group of traders we’d taken up with from out west; they called themselves wizards and although they seemed of the occult, their spirits discounted whatever suspicions I might’ve had of them.
I remember first pushing through that big gate; the town kept with it an indisputable malaise and though we were greeted at the gate by the leader Lady Lazarus—her brothers came along with her—and her jovial demeanor carried a certain infectious quality, I could not help but notice that the regular denizens maintained a healthy distance from their leader (the guards which followed the Lady everywhere probably had something to do with this).
Lady Lazarus touched each of our hands in greeting with enthusiasm and I could not help but notice how soft they were, how vibrant her eyes were, how much she smiled, and how beautiful she was given her age; already her head was fully gray.
Upon meeting each of us, going through the wizard traders first, she came to me, and Billy and she shook my hand then pivoted to Billy.
“Welcome. You can call me Lady.”
Billy caught her hand in his, held it longer than she’d intended so that they held eye contact, and he smiled broadly, tipped the cowboy hat on his head back to expose his smooth forehead and said, “And you can call me Maron, mam. You are quite a sight for a tired man.”
Though Maron—as he’d named himself—was more boy than man, Lady took a disturbed liking to him immediately and we prolonged our stay in Indianapolis after the wizards departed to head west.
Under the rule of Lady, Indianapolis was a theocracy, with her addressing the huddled masses at the steps of her grand abode, she’d preach for hours on sin and strife and quote her favorite passages; though reminiscent of my time with the Rednecks, I never found any truth or sincerity or freedom in her teaching—hers was more trouble, brimstone, fire and I’d had enough of that for a lifetime. Public execution was common. As was torture.
Maron distanced himself further from me, but I remained to keep an eye on him—it was not sentimentality but rather I existed without purpose and conjured some from watching my brother.
Often, Lady invited Maron to her private rooms and though the rumors and speculation ran the full spectrum of perverse speculation, every denizen feigned ignorance at her pregnancy.
Upon giving birth, the infant was malformed with two heads—her brothers took this as an omen and killed the child, put their leader in the stocks for months, and stripped her of dignity while the denizens did to her what they pleased.
Maron rose through the wall men while Lady’s brothers assumed control of Indianapolis and called themselves Bosses; in the time since Lady’s reign, the place was renamed to Golgotha for its closeness to a messiah.
I went west but always found myself drawn back to Golgotha because of some emptiness in me. It was only with Suzanne that I wanted something more and knowing them, I almost believed in a world like the one that children dream about. The world that Gemma and Andrew chased after when they left home, like the one Aggie talked about in her mother’s books. There’s a hopelessness in me that I’ll never be rid of. In the interim between our initial arrival to Golgotha and that flight from that terrible city, I cannot know how many people I sacrificed in convening with demons because I refuse to know because the number would destroy me. That is the worst of it; I do not even have courage enough to face myself or the actions of my past in any substantive way.
Mephisto tainted me so that I could speak with his kind as a dealmaker and the disease grew.
Billy or Maron or whatever he is should have been reaped long ago or better, I should never have brought that abomination alive. Such a cruel world where a deep longing like that can be inverted, weaponized. Me and him should both die; me and him should have died a long time ago.
First/Previous
Archive

_ _ _ _ _
Impact and introduction
_ _ _ _ _
His first thoughts about his little predicament were that it was nothing like the anime he’d watched.
Finding yourself suddenly free falling from hundreds of thousands of feet in the sky was significantly more terrifying than it had seemed while cozied up in his bed, wrapped up in three-plus blankets and contently slurping his microwave ramen.
That said, he felt justified in screaming like a little girl. “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!” What was happening? Where was he? He had just stepped out of his house for a ramen run at the nearest gas station, and now this was happening. Great, just great, now he wasn’t going to be able to watch anymore anime- he stopped suddenly. “Oh, of course,” he muttered to himself, “That’s what’s going on here.” He was suddenly as stoic as a knight in shining armor as he plummeted through the sky, and he pushed the slightly problematic matter of falling out of his mind and focused on what would be important: His story. First: his name was Caen Eloso. He came from a strange other world with wondrous technology that left nothing to the imagination. Caen was what was in his third year at his school, Hansen Academy High School in Colorado Springs, Colorado, where teenagers his age were taught arithmetic, science and language punctuation before they went off into the world on their own. Colorado was one of fifty individually operating states in his home country called America, which was home to more than three hundred million people and overseen by a President.. America was located on one of 7 continents in his world, called Earth. There were a great many other countries besides America, of which he knew varying amounts about their cultures that he could give little tidbits of information about, but he figured he knew the most about Japan. Japan was basically heaven. The Japanese people were responsible for creating the best possible thing that his world had to offer, a wondrous thing called anime. He had dedicated his life to exploring every nook and cranny that was connected to the world of anime, and there was nothing that brought him more happiness than binging.
However, he figured he oughta remember some cooler stuff about Earth (he couldn’t really expect many people to weeb out with his stories without watching anime in person) if he ever found himself in a tight spot and needed to, say, entertain a dragon or something. Because…
He was ninety-nine percent sure that he had just been isekai’d.

That’s why, while plummeting to what seemed to be his inevitable doom, he kept a level head. Ignoring the previous screaming-like-a-five-year-old fit. Because, of course, anyone that was summoned to another world via falling from the sky always survived; it was kind of a given, otherwise the story wouldn’t get anywhere, duh. Whether it be due to some miraculous vitality, impossible superpowers, a one-time “safe-landing” provided by the dude that summoned them, or (and what he personally was hoping for) a rescue from some either super-shy or super-pissy elf hottie in possession of a huge rack… of swords, you pervert, that dressed in some skimpy armor (that really would do nothing to protect the vital organs, from a defensive standpoint) and who would kick off the protagonist’s harem.
When he actually gave it thought, he realized he wasn’t really all that interested in a harem, and kinda found the thought of one IRL gross. Like, did he even have to explain? But he knew that if he’d said that in an online chat with one of his internet buddies, they would definitely try to overrun his laptop with viruses. In what was now his previous life, he had had little to no experience with talking to girls, let alone “getting some action”. He really hadn’t seen the point, considering how difficult 3D girls were to handle. That said, he never really got into the hardcore otaku-type 2D obsession stuff, like buying lewd figurines and pasting posters all over your room and buying body pillows of your favorite waifu. He was just a hardcore watcher, and that kind of made-up for his lack of other tendencies. He would frequently spend 12+ hours a day shacked up in his room in 6 hour sessions of binging anime at 1.5 times speed; (he wanted to get in as much watching as possible) and that was only on weekdays. Yeah. With school. (Needless to say his grades weren’t exactly top notch) But weekends were another story, with him usually staying up till four in the morning on Friday night and then sleeping until twelve, when he would wake up and choose whether or not to eat before watching until he was told to get off, and then stuffing his fat face in the kitchen to his heart’s content. The point was, he had originally decided he didn’t want to “waste time” on a girlfriend. (Not that he was exactly confident he would be on anyone's radar if he were to try)
Anyways, more and more, (before he found himself falling from the sky of his new world) Caen had found himself feeling lonelier and more depressed as time went by, and so, he decided that in his new life he was going to quit his otaku and introvert tendencies and find the love of his life in what was to be his new world. Quite the goal.
With his mind made up, (this was some relatively quick thinking given the situation; he’d been falling for about four and a half minutes before coming upon this decision and entirely giving up on his old world and everything he had loved in it) (Besides his love of anime) he realized something… interesting. He hadn’t noticed it due to being lost in thought and not being capable of feeling it (probably his magical protection or something that came with being summoned), but he was currently a ball of flame. If he had been wearing clothes earlier during his fall, and he hadn’t actually bothered to check because of his little fit, they were long since burnt to a crisp. Even though he was certain he had a grasp on the situation, he couldn’t stop himself from freaking out just a little bit, especially as he felt himself growing closer and closer to the ground. ‘Alright, you can rescue me now,’ he muttered to himself, though his words were lost to the wind. His eyes widened. He realized he was too fast, far too fast. This entry was apparently going to be very flashy, which he wasn’t against, but… He could hardly gauge distance before he had halved it. Twenty thousand feet, ten thousand feet, five thousand, he broke through low hanging cloud cover, two thousand.. He shut his eyes as tight as he could and pulled his limbs in tight while covering his ears to brace himself and-
Boom.
_ _ _ _ _
Learning to walk and not-squirrels
_ _ _ _ _
The sound of impact deafens him. He instantaneously loses awareness of anything else besides the sound, but somehow remains conscious, unaware of if he had completely shattered into a million billion pieces or not. For time out of mind he couldn’t move any part of himself. His ears ring and his head throbbed something awful. He could not conceive what would make him capable of surviving a fall like that. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, he opened an eye to gauge his surroundings…
He was in a crater. Caen had expected as much, but his jaw literally dropped in surprise, something he thought no one actually did. It was at least eight hundred feet from edge-to-edge and four hundred feet deep, the ground smoldering, red-hot and smoky, but surprisingly only warm where he lay (thank you, summoners). He must’ve stayed stagnant longer than he thought for it to have cooled enough to touch. He slowly pushed himself into a seated position, sitting on his right leg and letting his left arm rest on his left leg, which he had bent at the knee. He once again surveyed his crater by twisting his head around.
Quite the entrance. “I guess this fits into the one-time no fall damage category…” he muttered to himself, running his hand through his hair, making note that it was surprisingly silky. “Cause there’s no way this is a vitality thing, right? Way too overpowered.” For a minute he sat like that, until he realized that something was tugging on the back of his mind. At first he ignored it like he would a buzzing insect, but it kept poking at his subconscious. And then he was hit with it with as much force as when his sister sent him to Jupiter for accidentally breaking her new phone; that wasn’t his voice. ‘Huh?’ Neither was that. His eyes darted to the sides of his vision where it gently rested on the sides of his face. His hair. It was much, much longer than it was in his old world, reaching as far as to hang below his pecs. It was shiny and straight, and didn’t look like it had ever been cut. But that didn’t startle him as much as its color did.
Caen thought back to the fairy tales and stuff of his childhood, and about how they tended to over exaggerate the features of their characters and the objects in them so that the average kid could understand it better, with phrases like “as beautiful as a freshly-picked flower”, “as strong as a bull”, “as bright as the sun itself”, and “as white as snow”. Well, now he wasn’t so assuming that those were mere stories and not just incredible experiences from the writers, because he was witnessing something impossibly… beautiful. Because his hair was white. A stark white, with an almost silvery sheen to it. Like when you wake up the morning after a snowstorm and open your window to see if school is canceled, and the snow blinds you when you look at it because it's reflecting the morning sun. Beautiful. He quite literally couldn’t think of another word for it. Slowly, he reached up to touch it again, once again feeling the impossibly smooth sensation. It glided over his fingers like water. And then he saw the fingers of his hand. Long and slender, perfect and unblemished. He was dumbfounded. ‘Are these really… mine?’ he asked quietly with his new voice. ‘A new body was always possible, I suppose, but I thought if that were to happen I would first have to be reincarnated and grow up with it myself. Did this body… come into existence just for me when I got here? I would hate it if I kicked out someone's soul so mine could stay here or whatever.’ He stood shakily. He was tall. Taller than in his other life, where he’d stood at around five-ten, Caen figured he was now around six-two. And, what he found almost as shocking as his hair, was that he was fit. Or perhaps thin would be a better word, something he had never been before. His stomach felt strange to him as it no longer bulged, and when on a whim he attempted the stretches he wasn’t close to being capable of before, he did so with ease. He could reach his feet when he sat and stretched out his legs, and he could even easily touch his toes. He was in the middle of attempting to put his foot behind his head when he realized he should probably get a move on and get out of there. He guessed that he most likely looked like a meteor for any settlement within a few hundred miles of his crash site. He quickly tapped his foot on a particularly smoldery-looking piece of earth to test if he could withstand the heat like before. He once again found it to be only pleasantly warm. With that reassurance in mind, he decided to get himself out of the crater. That was, before he realized he’d need to learn to walk again. He fell hard and broke his fall with his arms. His muscles felt unused and unfamiliar, though the movement of his arms came more naturally than the rest. At first, his legs were very wobbly and his knees shook and moved sharply if he strained them too much or too little, causing them to buckle and him to fall and roll back down to the center of the crater when he tried to walk out. It didn’t help that it was a pretty consistently steep climb to the edge. He must have been at it for at least an hour. But the distance was good practice for him, and with a lot of rolling in the scorched earth he finally managed to get himself to the edge. The adjustment period wasn’t that awful, considering, and he felt he should be kind of proud for learning so quickly. (At least that's how he thought of it) He stood up on the rim of the crater to see exactly where he was. A pretty considerable distance away he could see trees ringing the crater site, and he decided that he had landed in a forest. The further away from the edge the less burnt and bent the trees were, from the shockwave that came with the force of the impact, he decided. He sat down, leaned back and let his feet rest on the decline of the crater. It was incredible. It felt like he’d just woken up after twelve hours of sleep, and his mind was buzzing with activity like he hadn’t experienced before. Everything was so fresh. He didn’t feel tired or winded at all, and he saw everything in vivid detail, even though all there was to see was the smoldering earth and the forest in the distance. He even tried breathing in deep with his nose, but all he got was burnt dirt and he started coughing from the smokiness of it. Despite this, he smiled. He hadn’t felt like this in ages, a thought he had believed was reserved for seventy-year-olds after getting their backs adjusted by a chiropractor. He jumped up, deciding that the first thing he should do would be to find a settlement of some sort, or at least a stream so that he could drink some water. He wasn’t particularly thirsty, but the thought of a cool liquid down his throat made him shiver. He also wanted to eat something, and decided to keep an eye out for nuts or berries in the forest that looked innocent enough. And so he started his trek. Soon he was walking on long, springy grass and gazing at all kinds of fauna that was surprisingly familiar. He couldn’t really see a difference in the trees or bushes at first, but when he plucked a leaf from the low hanging branch of a tree that looked like the one in his backyard, he saw that the pattern of the veins was definitely different, if not by much. He could at least tell that, since he had played under that tree when he was little. He also saw a lot of strange forest critters, and his heightened senses picked up on their presences like a radar. Soon there were dozens of them watching him from the trees, giving him a wide berth but for some reason following, so he still caught a few glances. Most had bushy tails and large ears with short whiskers on their little snouts, and tiny little heads that looked like those of baby foxes. The overwhelming majority were a sandy brown, but a few times he also saw one that looked blue and one that looked red, and even one that was pink, but these were always directly in the shadows of the trees and bushes and would dart away as soon as he tried for a closer look. A different species that looked like a miniature boar no larger than a bowling ball, complete with tusks, a stubby tail and hooves, trotted directly trotted directly through his path with its head held high in what looked like a show of contempt before disappearing into a bush. It was totally adorable and he regretted not trying to pick it up before it had disappeared. He winced internally as he thought of how many of these balls of fluff were incinerated in his landing. Slowly, as he trekked on, the creatures became more and more daring, darting past him and soon getting in his full view shamelessly, but they didn’t seem to have any ill intent, so he really didn’t mind. At least, they didn’t look predatory. (though he inwardly didn’t trust that idea from his knowledge of anime) Suddenly, one that was much larger than the others, probably the pack leader, scurried directly in front of him and stood on its short hind legs, its arms drawn together. It was similar to the way squirrels “stood”. Caen paused mid-step. It had some sort of presence, and its pose seemed to indicate that it wanted him to sit down so they could have a conversation. Unlike the other not-squirrels, (as he decided to temporarily call them) this one’s coat looked much fluffier and was a rich, chocolate brown, and its ears had white tufts at the ends. Its tail twitched and he also noticed that towards the tip of it the hair was also white. It gave off some sort of aura. Caen crouched. ‘Hey there, little guy. What can I do for you?’ He asked in the same voice he would use for a cute dog or other friendly animal. It tilted its head and he had to stop himself from launching at it in a surprise hug attack. It stared at him for a little longer. Then, out of nowhere, it beckoned to him with a little arm, turned, and started running off. For a second, Caen stayed crouched, dumbfounded at what he’d just witnessed, until dozens of the hiding squirrels started running in the same direction as the big one. He shook it off and decided this was supposed to be his first big event in his story, and so he started sprinting after it, because these little guys were speedy. He ran for more than ten minutes, almost losing track of the pack until he caught glimpses of a bushy tail or fluffy ears that kept him on their trail. Since his endurance was off the charts now, he actually enjoyed the chase, and took the opportunity to breathe in the rich forest aroma as he ran. Soon, he broke out into a small clearing, where he saw the leader “standing” beside the mouth of a cave. The once again shy not-squirrels all hid in the trees and bushes that surrounded the clearing, and all he could see were their cute little button eyes glimmering in the leaves. There must have been hundreds of them. He hesitatingly walked over to the giant not-squirrel (because that was what it was in comparison) and crouched down again. ‘Do you want me to go inside there?’ He asked, pointing at the cave, and turning his gaze to the eyes of the creature. It stared at him uncomprehendingly, its black eyes giving no indication of some great intelligence that secretly lurked. He sighed. ‘Might as well,’ he muttered, walking over the cave entrance. It was as dark as one would imagine, but there appeared to be a faint candle light of sorts dancing on the walls around a bend about a hundred feet in. It also smelled heavily like some sort of crushed herb he was unfamiliar with. It almost overshadowed the rancid smell of rotting flesh. He narrowed his eyes at the giant not-squirrel and the rest of the pack hiding in the bushes before walking in. There was definitely something alive in here, and from the smell, it or they were dying.
_ _ _ _ _
Elf hotties and magic
_ _ _ _ _
The further into the cave he went, the more overwhelming the stench of death became. Caen gave himself a second to regain his composure, then covered his nose as he turned the bend. His eyes widened in shock. A pretty girl with silver hair and sharply tipped ears lay upon a bed of leaves, naked save several fern leaves that provided her the barest of modesty. Her form was softly illuminated by several low burning candles that framed her. A singular giant fern rested on her stomach, covering where James guessed the mortal wound was inflicted. Her eyes were closed and she breathed shallowly, and sweat was beaded all over her body. The different colored not-squirrels he had seen earlier were all gathered there, watching her intently, but quickly turned their heads as they heard his bare feet shuffling on the stone floor. All three of them were there, the red, blue, and pink furred not-squirrels, as well as a green one that he hadn’t seen before. They stared at him for several seconds before all but the green not-squirrels scurried behind him. The green one leaned its head down and seemed to whisper something in the ear of the elf. Caen’s world slowed. Her eyes crept open, a rich, deep purple that seemed to shimmer with silver dust like stars. She ever so slightly turned her head to look at the not-squirrel questioningly, and then her gaze drifted to Caen. As their eyes met, he felt a shiver and a volt of electricity passed invisibly between them through their gaze. Her eyes widened with what looked like disbelief, and she smiled at him ever so softly. Caen felt entranced. There was something special about this girl, something so very special, and he felt a stirring in his chest that made his stomach twinge, but not unpleasantly. She beckoned to him with a finger and he slowly approached her and knelt. Those few steps, with her eyes fixated on his, and his on hers, felt like eternity, and he couldn’t break the gaze if he wanted. ‘Greetings, White One.’ She said softly, still not breaking eye contact. Her voice sounded as though it were made to sing. ‘I apologize… I… was meant to be there to greet you upon your arrival. The best I could manage was providing you a safe entrance from the heavens.’ She said sadly, and a tear welled up in the corner of her eye. He hesitatingly reached out a hand and cupped her face, gently wiping away the tear with his thumb. She shouldn’t cry. He knew that, somehow, that it was wrong, that she shouldn’t ever have to experience sadness like that. She breathed in sharply at his touch, and then her gaze softened. ‘Who… are you?’ He asked quietly. She smiled sadly and tears flowed freely on the back of his hand. ‘Unfortunately, I don’t have the leisure to cry with you. I am glad that my friends were able to escort you here and provide you with safe company, for the forest is a very dangerous place, but… more than that, I am glad that I was able to see you… at… least once…’
Her eyes drifted closed. He quickly grabbed her arm and was hugely relieved to find a pulse, ever so faint.
She is so close to death, White One.
She has been holding out so that she could meet you, White One.
She has been waiting so very long for you, White One.
She spent what little mana she had left providing you safe entry into our world, White one.
These sweet-sounding voices echoed in his mind, though all of melancholy tone. He slowly stood and turned to face the not-squirrels.
Please save our Silver Lady, White One.
This voice was deep and strained with pain and suffering. In front of him stood the pack leader. He sat just in front of the other four not-squirrels, all mimicking his position. All Caen could do was nod, even though he was dazed and had no idea how he would be able to help her at all. ‘Show me the wound.’ he declared in a voice that sounded much more confident than he felt.
The four different colored not-squirrels glanced at the leader, and, the words still echoing inside of Caen’s mind like before, he said, ‘Do as the White One proclaims.’ They unhesitatingly scurried to their “Silver Lady” and carefully removed the large fern. Caen did not react how he thought he would. He saw it and his body shook, but not with disgust, or surprise, or horror, but with rage. He clenched his fists and the muscles in his arms grew taut as his fingernails dug into his palms. Her stomach had been ferociously torn open, revealing a sight that was best kept undescribed. His voice shook with power as he spat, “Who… Who did this… to her?”
His head snapped to the not-squirrel leader, his wild, hateful eyes boring into the creature. “We do not know, White One,

Has anyone had any success with autogenic therapy/training ?
Looking into it, I noticed one of the few things that helps me relax before bed is trying to bring awareness and a heaviness to my muscles...I love when I can focus so hard on a muscle that it begins to twitch (don't think this is part of autogenic training tho lmao). So I'm really interested in trying this out.
Does anyone have any links to either podcasts, apps, books, albums, etc that delve a bit deeper into this? I'm trying the Felicity app tonight. We'll see how it goes!

I was diagnosed Long Covid with dysautonomia. I'm male, 47, no serious health issues in the summer of 2023. From late August 2023 to mid May 2024 I've had numerous symptoms:

• blackouts, lightheadedness, dizziness, headaches
• shortness of breath, spontaneous rapid inhaling
• heart palpitations, high resting heart rate, racing heart beats
• high anxiety, panic attacks
• urine leakage/seepage, swollen/aching pelvic region, urine urgency/frequency, nocturia, weak stream
• nausea, loss of appetite, constipation
• hot hands and forearms, icy cold feet
• loss fine motor control in hands
• extreme fatigue, severe exhaustion, tiredness, crashes from mild exertion
• poor concentration, memory loss, confusion
• sad thoughts, mood swings, depression
• blurry vision, watery eyes, eye strain/soreness, floating dots in vision
• swollen dry mouth, phlegm mouth, excessive saliva, bleeding gums, swollen/chapped lips
• night sweats, excessive sweating throughout day
• muscle jolts/twitches
• joint pain
• itchy/stinging skin
• hair loss

It started with heart issues and standing issues, then mood swings, then urinary problems, blurry vision, cognitive decline, extreme fatigue, muscle jolts, constipation, and so on.
By November I had terrible urinary issues never seen before, excruciating perineum pain, nocturia, leakage, the list goes on.
My ability to function was dropping so rapidly I had a "will" made because I thought I'd be dead in a year.
I went to Urgent Care, ER, Urology, GP, another GP, Therapist, to try to find solutions. Tests came up negative, or misdiagnosed, or nothing found.
Late December to mid March I was in bed nearly 24 hours/day. Routine tasks like doing laundry or brushing teeth were nearly impossible. Most days I'd only eat 1 meal, like a sandwich or cereal. I couldn't think clearly, forgot my phone number, lifting light objects was exhausting. Days that I could stay up for a few hours I'd have YouTube running in the background.
In January a Psych prescribed Duloxetine for anxiety and depression. A friend mentioned his brother had LC, that maybe I had it. I didn't think much of it. I couldn't think straight anyway and had no energy.
From mid March to mid April I could stay awake 4 to 8 hours a day, daily headaches and eye strain felt like a hangover. Some issues were subsiding or gone but others remained and new ones appeared. I could do light reading and actually comprehend what I was reading.
By mid April I could stay awake about 12 hours, sometimes more, and had strength to start investigating LC. Came to realize Long Covid often has many symptoms, and mine kept piling up and were similar experiences as others. Maybe it was LC.
Late April 2024 I started taking numerous supplements to combat symptoms, especially inflammation. Then I found a Long Covid Center that said it looks like LC with dysautonomia. I hadn't heard of dysautonomia before. I've been making progress slowly week by week, with some setbacks and recurrences.
My nutrition was never great but now it's healthier than before, eating less processed foods and more fresh fruits, vegetables, whole wheat, grainy stuff.
For supplements, it's hard to assess what helps, and where, if at all, since there are so many. I also need to watch for side effects, but so far no issues for me. Here's what I'm taking:

• Rx Duloxetine: anxiety, depression
• Curcumin/Turmeric: anti-inflammatory, antiviral, antioxidant, depression
• Bromelain: anti-inflammatory, antiviral
• Pycnogenol: anti-inflammatory, blood vessels endothelium
• Quercetin: anti-inflammatory, genitourinary
• Cordyceps: anti-inflammatory, antiviral, antibacterial
• Probiotics with multiple strains: digestion, antiviral, immune, concentration, fatigue, memory
• Resveratrol: anti-inflammatory, prevent blood clots
• Nattokinase: blood clots
• Serrapeptase: anti-inflammatory
• D-mannose: genitourinary, antibacterial
• Omega 3: anti-inflammatory, anxiety, depression
• Saw palmetto: anti-inflammatory, genitourinary
• Magnesium: heart, anti-inflammatory, anxiety, depression
• Loratadine: antihistamine
• Garlic: anti-inflammatory
• Ginger: anti-inflammatory
• Biotin/Keratin: hair, skin, nails
• Zinc: immune system
• Vitamin B complex: energy
• Vitamin C: immune
• Vitamin D3: mood, immune

Anyone use any of these or others with success? Please let me know. Best wishes to everyone here.

Female 25, on Lexapro 10mg and loxoprofen 60mg 3 times a day. I've been ill since January and have a hard time eating. Since then I've gotten joint pain, constant low grade fevers, sometimes high fevers. Fatigue, sharp pains in the arm pit, and groin. Headaches, muscle weakness, twitches (like my muscles contract without me trying). I'm also light headed and have headaches and low blood pressure. I've lost about 20 pounds since December. I was 190lb and I'm now 170lb. I'm also very itchy.I have found a lump on my sternum, about 3 inches under the brest, where the chest plate meet the ribs. I feel like my doctor has no clue what's going on. He suggested Stills disease, but the doctor who gave me a skin biopsy says it's unlikely. I'm confused and sore. Do you have any suggestions on what it could be? I've added photos of my blood test.

Hi, I'm a 20 year old male, 5'8" around 120 lbs. I'm currently taking Bactrim 800-160 2x a day and meloxicam 15 mg 1x a day.
I've been experiencing some extremely painful and weird/unfamiliar sensations over the past 11 weeks after a liquid nitrogen spray I got on a wart on the tip of my middle finger, left hand. For about 7 weeks after the freezing, I had constant pinpoint throbbing in that finger tip and ended up having to go to the ER(3 weeks after freezing) with how it felt like stabbing. They injected it with lidocaine, which only dulled it but I still felt the throbbing. During this period, I also had 2-3 days where I wouldn't feel the pain in that finger much at all, instead, I felt this dull throbbing in one of my testicles/prostate region. 4 weeks after the ER, I started experiencing a pricking/stabbing and throbbing pain in my scrotal area. It goes up and down and has felt like: pricking sensations on both of my legs(usually on the back), muscle twitches in my legs, occasional weird tingling sensations on my back, pinching/dragging feeling down in that whole area, burning sensations in bottom of scrotum area and inner thigh, feels like something is moving around in testicle or prostate area. All of these symptoms come and go at different times and aren't constant other than the throbbing sensation which I always feel.
One thing I'd like to note is I don't get any increased pain when pressing on my finger or scrotum or any area. If anything, moving that part/skin around sometimes numbs the pain ever so slightly or even using pressure can help. I haven't experienced any numbness either which I know can happen with neuropathy. I've tried to ask my dermatologist why my finger never numbed out as it had when it was frozen before. The first time, the wart had this constant(not throbbing) pain for about 12-16 hours after the procedure(most likely the thawing) then it numbed out for weeks until I started using salicylic acid prescribed by the doctor. When I asked my dermatologist why it was so different this time, they had no idea. I saw a hand surgeon that did an x-ray, which showed nothing abnormal given it just shows bone(not inflammation or nerve irritation). They prescribed a topical diclofenac/lidocaine/gabapentin that is getting shipped to me in a week. I've tried diclofenac and lidocaine separately in the past to no avail but agreed to use this due to the addition of gabapentin. I also saw a urologist regarding the scrotal pain. I explained my symptoms, specifically the pricking and feelings in my legs. He just said it's probably prostatitis and prescribed Bactrim (an antibiotic) and meloxicam (an NSAID). The meloxicam doesn't help at all, not surprising given that ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and naproxen have all done nothing in the past. I've had an ultrasound of my scrotum, kidneys, and bladder and found out I had a subcentimeter epididymal cyst, but my doctors have said, and I'm pretty sure, it wouldn't cause such severe symptoms. The kidney and bladder ultrasounds were completely normal. I want to add that I've been an avid weed user for the past 2 years, and it usually helps with anxiety and calms me down. Now when I smoke, it makes the pain flare up a ton, and it's all I can think about.
I'm just worried that this could be some sort of neuropathic pain/nerve damage or something complex if it involves both the finger and scrotal pain(not sure if it's affecting the pudendal nerve or something else). I'm also asking for any suggestions on what scans/tests to get and what to say to the doctors beyond what I've already said. I haven't specifically said neuropathic pain to any doctor in fears of being called a hypochondriac or being told it's psychosomatic, and I've tried to be hopeful with what they're doing, but I've gotten no relief so far. But as the sensations change and get worse and move to different parts of my body, I'm starting to think my doctors are just ruling out other things(like a potential bacterial infection in the prostate or a problem with the bones in my finger). I don't know if an MRI or ultrasound would be beneficial to get on my finger or what to do now, and none of my doctors have any concrete ideas either. Thank you and please let me know what you think.

I'm in bed after having (I thought) a successful day minerals wise and yet I'm muscle twitching, spasming, heart going fast then slow then fast and can't sleep.
I have had 96 oz of water today. I have a 32oz bottle that I drank 3 times. I put 3900mg of no salt into it this morning and drank it all. But something is off. I'm doing this wrong.
Here is what I have. I measured this through Cronometer.
Cw 318, SW 332, F, 43
28 carbs, I went a little over
Potassium 5114mg from NoSalt in water and food
Sodium 3406.6 from food and table salt
Magnesium 603.4. I take 4 magnesium citrate capsules a day.
What am I missing? I swear I'm trying to do what I'm reading but this isn't working. Do I have to just wait it out?
Edit: I'm backwards and I'm going to switch things out. I swear I not only read the FAQ that gets posted but I did some searches to make sure the numbers were right. Brain fog is real.

You stepped out of my restroom looking around. I caught your attention and pointed towards my sofa. You cautiously walked around my sofa to find your place. You were tall and lean like your pictures. Wearing a white long sleeve shirt. A contrast from the dark room. The imprint of your long dick was visible from your gray shorts. It look so long I almost expected your dick head to pop out.
You slowly pull your shorts down when I request for you to take them off completely. You pull them off before seating down and moving your shoes aside so I can position myself between your legs.
As I take a knee I look at your long beautiful brown cock. My mouth instantly waters thinking how delicious your cock will taste going down my throat. I gently reach under your cock then l lean forward to get my first taste.
My lips were pressed against your tip. Then I rolled your skin back with my lips on my way down. Without hesitation you release a loud roaring sigh. My warm wet mouth, which was a perfect slide for your dick, must have felt good. “holy fuck” you exclaimed. As your dick glided in and out of my mouth and inflated, I noticed it got bigger and longer than I had anticipated. I wondered if I had met my match.
My mouth had felt good but I had yet to deep throat you. Sliding my slippery mouth from almost the base of your dick and moving upward I noticed your dick got girthier the higher I got. Making your head a mouthful. I was determined, I wanted to show off my sucking skills. I was willing to do whatever it took to engulf your thick dick.
I grabbed on to your thighs, took a deep breath before taking the plunge. My mouth slithered down your long shaft until your head reached the back of my mouth. Which blocked your head from going in any further. I relaxed my throat muscles and push down until your head popped in to my throat. This drove you insane! You unleashed loud pleasurable moans. “Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” I held your cock in my throat when you unintentionally arched your back popping your dick in further. There was a pause (of disbelief) before you lost control. Your hands did not know whether to push my head down or grab on to the sofa. There wasn’t much more deep throating I could do, my top lip was pressed against your trimmed pubes. They were shaped like a landing strip.
From the moment my lips first tasted you, your moans and sighs never stopped. When the pleasure intensifies however, you get louder and express your feeling of pleasure with “fucks.” Knowing you’re enjoying my pleasure is such a turn on. I wanted to continue surprising you so I asked you to get up and turn around.
With no hesitation you turn around and place your knees on the sofa before relaxing your arms on the back of my sofa. You’re so thin when you lean over, your ass cheeks naturally spread. This will make it easy for me to kiss your puckered hole.
With my mouth pressed against your hole I slide my warm tongue in you. “Ahh….” you sigh. I go in deeper. I rubbed your lower back and thighs as I tongue twirl your hole. While I made out with your hole I reached under to play with your cock. I lick up and down your crack before taking a step back and admiring my sloppy rim job. My slobber travels down your balls and creating soaked puddles on my sofa.
After taking a pause to see the mess I had created, I decided to pull your hard cock back towards your ass where I can continue to suck. I asked if I was hurting you and you let me know I’m was not.
I place that fat mushroom head on my tongue then slide my mouth towards your balls and hole. My top lip meets your balls and my nose is brushing up against your hole. In a steady pattern I continue to suck you off while my nose teased your hole. Your cock felt so silky smooth traveling back in my mouth.
I wanted your cock back in my throat. I couldn’t quite get it there from the position we were in. Wanting to surprise you, I moved over to the part of my sectional that has no back or arms.
I laid on my back and hung my head from the edge. My mouth wide open ready to be skull fucked.
You shyly walk over placing your cock in my open mouth. You slowly descend into my throat. I had other plans. I grab on to the back of your legs and pull you in towards me. You cock rushes in my mouth, your head pops into my throat. My tight throat must have felt incredible. You lean your head back and release a loud moan. I can tell by your actions you’re in disbelief. I wonder if anyone has ever deep throated you.
You prop your left leg on my sofa. You lean in and hold on to each side of the sofa Im laying on and drive that fat long cock in me. There are times I feel like I’m about to pass out from the lack of oxygen but you’re enjoying my mouth too much for me to stop you. Tears run down my face. Saliva escapes my mouth and gets everywhere. My mouth makes hollow gagging noises as you thrust towards my face.
Your cock pops out of my mouth. I pull your ass towards me. I need air and take this opportunity to catch my breath. I slide you back and forth licking your balls, taint, and hole. Your cock rubbing up against my chest.
You return your cock back in my mouth and use it for your pleasure. You enjoying my mouth is so stimulating. The next thing to do, is make you cum.
We return back to the original spot. Like I did before, I placed your cock in my mouth and slid down until your head felt my tonsils. I repeated this motion. Back up and down. For every set of pumps stopping at your head and twirling my mouth and tongue on it. “Fuck!” escapes your mouth. You can’t help it. Your moans and grunts kept getting louder.
I sped up my pumps with my mouth. Your cock becoming the hardest it had ever been tonight. I noticed your body becomes tense. You reach and aggressively grab on to each side of my sofa. I know what’s coming. I grip your cock with my lips and give longer pumps when I feel your cock twitch. I slide that monster cock in me breaking pass the back of my mouth, your head entering my throat where you released your load. My throat muscles massage your cock, squeezing and making sure it’s all down my throat.
I slowly slide your dick out. Your body relaxes but you still have a stiff cock. I give it a couple of more tugs with my mouth. You quietly put on your clothes. I observe your cock bounce back and fourth. I can’t believe that long thick cock fit down my throat.

33F, 5'10" & 145lbs, on 30mg of Lexapro for anxiety/depression, .5mg Ativan (very rarely), Yaz birth control, and Famotidine for reflux.
Hi there! I'm getting frustrated and a tad desperate here, and my doctors seem to be shrugging me off at this point. Let me try to be concise with a brief timeline.
Late June 2023 - I began experiencing what I am now 99% sure were severe reflux symptoms, since they stopped abruptly when I began taking Famotidine (sensation of being strangled, which escalated to a full-body general malaise, fatigue, chest pressure, clenching pain in the neck/throat, tongue fatigue, swallowing discomfort & pain)... lots of very scary things). I didn't know what was going on & went to my PCP. he ordered a thyroid ultrasound & I it uncovered two nodules, one labeled "moderately suspicious." this scared the hell out of me & my doctor didn't contact me to explain that it wasn't a big deal for more than two weeks. during this time I convinced myself I had thyroid cancer (I historically suffer from pretty severe anxiety) and my reflux symptoms worsened.
August 3rd 2023 - I decided to get back on an SSRI because of the anxiety I had been experiencing, so I contacted my psychiatrist and they put me back on a med that had worked in the past, Trintellix. I took a 5mg dose around dinnertime, but that night around 1:30am I woke abruptly with the first and only panic attack I've ever had. I started uncontrollably shaking, my heart raced, and my mind was 100% dominated by the certainty that my death was imminent.
After this, I stopped being able to sleep or eat properly. I lost about 20lbs very quickly (from about 145 to 125) and gradually developed a ton of new symptoms - left leg pain, particularly when sitting, seemingly originating from my glute/pelvic area; right shoulder pain that radiated down the whole arm on the outer side; a sensation of partial numbness without pins & needles in my left foot; and full-body muscle fasciculations. I would have these episodes where I'd begin tremoring, usually later in the afternoon, sometimes just my legs but sometimes my whole body.
for almost 2 months (August to the end of September) I was going days without sleeping, barely eating, and borderline catatonic when I wasn't crying. I took an extended leave from work and my brother essentially had to take care of me. I became convinced I was dying, particularly after I Googled muscle twitching. I went to many doctor's appointments and I had MANY tests done in the coming months, including: a limb EMG in September (100% unremarkable), a 2nd EMG in December (also 100% unremarkable), a brain MRI and later a c-spine MRI (former was clear, latter showed mild arthritic changes & mild stenosis), a laryngoscopy followed by a barium swallow study (redness, but normal swallowing), many blood tests from rheumatology, neurology, and my PCP, x-rays, ultrasounds... all clear. I can provide the specific findings if someone actually decides to try to help my sorry ass out.
Throughout all of this, I was experiencing very strong pain that was escalating in how constant it was. initially it flared up throughout the day and was at its worst in the evenings. at times it would seem very nerve-based, a shooting pain that would travel down my leg or arm from my shouldeglute and curl my toes/fingers. I finally started reflux meds in like... February and eliminated those symptoms, but the pain and twitching remained.
Now, in May of 2024, I am in almost constant pain every day. I am so tired of living like this. My right forearm and elbow region has been experiencing burning and sometimes cold sensations for a few weeks now, and I'm becoming paranoid that there is a new dent in the muscle in my inner arm where the burning is the worst, though I do not know if it was always there or not. my hypothenar muscle on my right also hurts almost 24/7. my left leg has begun tightening up (it isn't physically tensing and it's completely flexible, but it FEELS tight, like an overfilled water balloon). I've been in physical therapy for about 2 months and working on the arm and leg and nothing is happening. I have a neuro follow-up on 5/24 and another around the 1-year symptom mark (8/9), but I don't know what to think. I just know that my quality of life is massively depleted, I'm exhausted, and I just want to be active again without worrying that it'll put me out of commission (I like to hike & the last time I did, I hiked 8 miles & couldn't sleep because of the leg pain and tightness).
If anyone could give me SOME avenue to pursue, I would be so grateful. I am lost here, and things seem to be worsening. It is scary! I can answer any questions to clarify.

Botox, Emgality, ubrelvy, fioricet, ibuprofen, Benadryl, muscle relaxers, ER cocktail, steroid taper. I’m literally out of things to try. I can’t take triptans.
In a few hours it’ll be day 13. I know I’ve had longer, but that was before all the special treatments.
Like I seriously don’t know how to expect an end to it. My wedding is in a couple weeks.

I have finally reached an answer: “seizure disorder”/epilepsy. Was stable on Keppra 500x2 for years, increased to 750x2 due to ‘sleep jerks’, incidentally added primidone 100x2 for tremors, and now up to 1000x2 Keppra and 450x2 trileptal after I started having auras and eventually focal impaired awareness seizures. I’ve noticed that after the impaired awareness passes, I get “twitchy” (for lack of a better term) all over my body, which is new. These were following seizures that were slightly more intense than others, with a weird aura that’s more associated with my migraines (hemiplegic). I have no idea what’s migraine, what’s seizure, what’s anything rn and am lowkey postictal. I want to know if anyone else gets these muscle jerks/twitches after the impaired awareness has passed?

26m white depression and generalized anxiety disorder. been very sedentary lately and began having mild-moderate pain on the tops of both thighs about 2-3 weeks ago.that went away and now just my left thigh hurts mildly. specifically the inner thigh and sometimes the outeupper portion (near buttock). the pain isn't constant and seems to be tied to movement or positions where its not flat and slightly bent. I'm not doing anything strenuous (walking is the most I do) and just spend most of the day in bed but it doesn't really seem to be improving. no pain when touching it anywhere. no swelling or redness. the muscles are painlessly twitching sometimes, more in the affected thigh than the other. sometimes the uppermost left buttock/lower back can hurt.
200mg of ibuprofen gets rid of 90% of the pain, but I wish it would go away. I am a bit if a hypochondriac an I'm worried it could be a clot or that I will get rhabdomyolysis if I can't get it better.

Hi, i am writing this during a brutal flare up, so if i miss a thimg maybe is because of brain fog,
All started on June when i got infected, i didnt know of long term effects of covid so i push trought, i did very very bad mistakes during my infection, i didnt eat well, even some day i was starving becuase i did a long travel on a car at my work, have a panick atack because some random situation, i think this things contribute to be severe.
After infection i feel great during a week but i keep doing mistakes, i went for a long run , drinking energy drinks , even some day i did fasting, i put my ns to the limit.
One week after end of infection i wake up dizzy for 10 minutes, i went to work and all start with muscle twitches
1-3 month: muscle twitches, legs feel heavy and weak, anciety and terror( i develop a insane fear of ALS), after three weeks i start having brutal dizziness episodes that will last for hours, allodynia, tinnitus, every symptoms of BFS, dpdr
I didnt know what was happening , i think my biggest mistake at this early phase was keeping push thorught, i was believing it was stress and anxiety so i still went to the gym, also i was with insane fear of ALS, everyday i wake up i was doing experimenta with my hands, and trying to walk to probe
3-9 months(the severe phase): i develop brutal dpdr that last 24/7 , also i develop something symylar to akathisia, inability to relax , mind racing 24/7 , inability to sit still, ortostatic intolerance to the point of cant stand still for more than three seconds, heavy body feeling and body feels like concrete, also allodynla in top of that , every surface that my body touch was feeling like concrete and tense, brutla sound sensitivity, depression, hiperacusis, ibs, sore throat sometimes, brutal agoraphoby and fear, Visual snow and problem focusing, tinnitus, episodes of losing control of body
Honestly the only thing that helps on this phase was klonopin to have some relief from some day, i tried an ssri but give me pshycosis, also since this shit beggins i am dairy free gluten free, low sugar, and trying low histamine.
9 months- now : i am not well still, but i am having hours of feeling normal( like 90% normal) mostly times help, i can watch TV again sometimes, but i am still dealing with some hard symptoms, especially flare ups, episodes when i feel wired and cant exist, some tension inside my neck, sometimes moving eyes feel dificult, still some brain fog and depression, and episodes of losing control on limbs and hands, ocd , tension in my brain or jaw, any recomendation for this symptoms? My flare ups are mostly at night or morning

*** = listener speaking
Can be monetised, just please link back to either this post or my YouTube!
Gender(s) can be changed if wanted!
~~~
[walking; sci-fi door open]
My dear subject! How are you doing? How do you feel waking up?
I was worried conventional human sleep-inducing drugs would not work on an extraterrestrial being such as yourself, but fortunately injecting a bunch of different kinds into your system at once did the trick!
The higher-ups weren’t too happy with that - they were getting all agitated over the fatality risk - but I managed to convince them the ends justifies the means as long as I got my hands on you.
Which brings us to now, my dear subject.
Well? Would you be willing to explain to me how it feels as an alien coming off a large mixture of human-made substances?
***
Ah, you still don’t have the ability to speak? I see!
That is a shame, since I was hoping we could converse about your current state and see to what extent you understood your biological structure.
It can wait until later then! That way, I’ll be able to form my own hypotheses… oh, I wonder what I’ll be correct and incorrect about!
[speaker giggles]
[scribbling notes]
Your eyes seem to be fully-functional… you’re keeping eye contact with me as I move my head side to side.
That's good to see. If you weren’t, paired with the temporary muteness - which, to be fair, is an assumption on my part as I have yet to hear your alien tongue, pre- or post-securement - I would have assumed my team did some lasting damage.
Come to think of it, I should conduct a smell test as well…
[packet ripping]
This is what we humans call ‘smelling salts’. They’re pungent, so typically they’d be used to wake up an unconscious individual, but I’d like to see if they’re strong enough to elicit a reaction from an extraterrestrial like yourself…
…Hmm.
I can see your nose twitching, but other than that, not much of a reaction from the rest of your facial muscles…
…Oh?
It seems like some of the muscles on your arm are reacting.
[grab]
Right here, on your bicep. Your muscle right here is twitching…
Can this be considered a muscle?
…My, your arm is quite taunt.
So firm when I squeeze… You’re well-built. Or is this just the natural body-type for an individual of your race?
The firmness isn’t just isolated to your bicep. Your lower arm has the same consistency… my, it’s a marvel to run my arm down. I might get addicted to this.
I can’t keep my attention only to your arms, though.
I’d like to stay focused on your limbs and examine your legs next… I’ll just be performing a simple human exam method to see your reflexes.
See this little hammer? We tap it underneath our knees - like so.
[tap]
No reaction… now is that because your leg muscles have not yet regained strength, or is this hammer not strong enough to illicit a reaction?
Either way, I’d like to re-examine this when your body is fully-functional. I suppose I got a little too ahead of myself… but I can still perform the same examination as I did with your arm.
[grab]
Also firm…
Though your muscle density is certainly much higher than the average human’s, your biological structure appears to be quite similar to ours… on the upper layers, at the very least.
What secrets are you waiting for me to uncover inside of you?
Hmm, I hope you regain your motor functions soon… I need more of you.
[metal creak]
I also hope you don’t mind me stradling you like this.
For the rest of the examination - you understand.
I won’t be doing anything inappropriate, please, no need to get concerned.
You’re just so big, I can’t really reach all the way over you if I’m just standing by your side…
[grab]
More dense muscles. Do you work out for abs like these?
Right, oops, you can’t answer me… actually.
Can you look left and right for me real quick? Experiment with me a little.
…You’re got your eye control back. Good - that helps out a lot!
Look left if you work out, look right if you don’t.
…Interesting.
Good to know, good to know… I’ll just run my hands across them a bit longer so my notes are more accurate.
Haha, I could get used to this~
[alarm]
…Ugh. Of course they’d cut me off now.
Sorry, my dear subject. It looks like people are getting in between our fun.
[metal creak]
That should be everything…
[scribbling notes]
I’ll have to compile my notes and send them off to the team soon… oh, how I wish I had longer to study you.
***
Hmm? Wait, did you finally speak?
Please, repeat what you said if I wasn’t hearing things!
***
By the stars, you did talk!
Now we can move on to confirming my hypotheses!
Alright, now, I’d like us to start with-
***
Your question?
Did you ask a question?
What did you say, what did you say…
***
What do I intend to do with the information about your body?
Well… officially, it’s for the betterment of the human race.
***
To help with evolution!
Humanity has been stagnant for years - some would argue that we’re actively entering an era of decline.
This is mainly due to a lack of predators threatening the survival of humans. But, of course, we can’t merely just thrust humanity into perilous situations in order to kickstart the process of evolution again.
So the next best option… as you might have guessed, my department is looking into crossbreeding.
Obtaining the genetic of higher life forms such as your race would greatly benefit ours.
Now, we aren’t going to force you into anything - I may have abducted you, but my department isn’t made up of monsters!
Plus, I would hate for you to have a bad impression of my race.
I really, truly, do wish for us to get along.
Additionally, if you are willing to help humanity with our plight, I wouldn’t just pawn you off on to someone else.
No, no, no… I wouldn’t ever let that happen.
If you agree to help with the crossbreeding project, I will be the first to offer myself as your partner.
So, my dear subject… I hope you’ll be willing to experiment with me.

I don’t know what i’m having or experiencing, If you seen my profile history you would know i’m really anxious if I have herpes. Everywhere I go people think I don’t have anything and i’m just panicking and having anxiety. 2 months ago I had protected sex, 2 days later I was feeling super sick I was also having frequent urination and only a little bit came out. I’m not sure if its because I was anxious, I wasn’t burning or itching. So that’s when I went to the ER thinking I had a std, they tested me for covid and the flu and both came back positive. I also went to get a std test and that came back negative. 3 weeks later I get a lesion in my foreskin. It lasted for a month, it’s healed now but it left a scar. Got tested again everything was negative so I assumed it was herpes. I did get it swabbed and it came back negative but it was crusted so I don’t know how accurate it came back. It started like a pimple then it got bigger like a cyst bump and blistered then crusted. I remember I took the crust off when I was taking a shower and it was like a smooth hard and round bump or ball. The bump eventually got smaller and smaller and eventually just leaving a scar. You wouldn’t even notice it until i point it. It took a month to heal. I was having frequent urination again, It didn’t hurt or burn but this time I would pee clear water. I would have the urge to pee every 10 or 20 minutes. Went to get a uti test and that came back negative. I was having a runny nose and sneezing alot. Also my right ear was twitching and having pressure, then it went to my left ear. Found out I had EBV antibodies weeks later so i’m not sure if that’s why I had those symptoms. I’ve been going to ER a lot recently because i’ve been having nerve like pains, Ive been having twitching muscles, and tingling in the sides of my feet. Twitches in my eye lid or under my eye. Sometimes shocks in my toes, fingers, hands, legs, arms. Like something is pinching me or shocks that last a second. Everybody thinks it’s isn’t herpes since it wasn’t painful or itching when I had the lesion and got it swabbed and came back negative. And I haven’t had another lesion since and it didn’t spread or cluster like every other herpes lesion does. They’re thinking the nerve shocks or tingles I’m having is from being anxious or paranoid since i’m having it everywhere randomly in my body and i’m not sure if they’re being right. I got a IgG blood test and it came back negative for both HSV1 and 2 after 8 weeks. I also got a PCR Blood Test for herpes and that came back negative as well from my PCP doctor. I should’ve requested for a IgG one but I didn’t notice until they gave me my papers to leave. The only symptoms i’m having right now is nerve shocks that last a second. In my fingers, hands, toes, legs, arms, everywhere. A bit of tingling in my feet and heel. I was having tailbone pain aswell that started Saturday and lasted for 4 days like I had soreness. I’m not sure if its because I was working all day but the pain would come and go. Like one second it would be mild then few hours I could really feel it. I’m still having ear ache but mostly in my right ear now but it’s mild. Also pooping hasn’t been the same anymore like when I poop it isn’t hard anymore and only a little bit would come out. I just don’t know if I should keep trying to find out if i have herpes or If i should accept that I don’t have it and I have something else? I’m going to ask my family doctor if I can have a neurologist to see my symptoms. I’m also going to go ask for a IgG blood test again after the 12 week mark. Do these symptoms sound like herpes to you guys? Or am I just being anxious? Should I really move on from this?? What should I even do?? I’m just waiting for another lesion that I can swab but I haven’t had one since that first one appeared.

30/f/USA
In February I was diagnosed with Cervical Dystonia with a side of parkinsonism. In 2015 I had spent a year partying at raves (you can guess the type of dr*gs at those things) and when I got pregnant I stopped but after giving birth in 2016 the neurological issues began. A few years ago I tried a mood stabilizer thinking that’s what I needed- well, that almost killed me and triggered a ton of new and worsened symptoms. A year ago my gait changed and I no longer walk normal. My left arm barely moves when I walk. I did genetic testing that I haven’t shared with my specialists yet and have risks for Parkinson’s, Alzheimer, dementia, mitochondrial disease.. I have been seeing specialists but I am also gaining insight and advice as I go. Anyone have any thoughts? I know I left out a lot. Also I have been going to a YOPD support group and I fit in there but still don’t have full confirmation. I’m scared it’s even worse than regular Parkinson’s.
Here’s a list of my current symptoms:

• Tremors (internal vibration, visible shaking with physical exertion)
• Slow movements. Feeling frozen and stiff like the tin man
• Uncoordinated/weird gait
• Stiff trunk and shoulders
• Widespread muscle twitching/dancing
• RLS
• Excessive Clumsiness- dropping things, running into walls, spilling everything, falling when getting dressed
• Vertigo
• Migraine with aura
• Episodes of confusion, unable to process thoughts or my surroundings when driving or in a group of people
• Neck pain and painful back spasms
• Saying words wrong, trouble finding words
• Vision problems
• Smelling things that aren’t there/smelling things wrong
• Memory terrible
• Dystonia
• Random shivers and chills

Astral projection tutorial: A-lot of terminology I use will make sense as you go along.
I have read several books on astral projection and skimmed through dozens for actual techniques. And scoured reddit and user reports. This is going to be somewhat a culmination of the data i have found to be helpful myself and recommend.
So one large problem with astral projection is you usually (except for a specific skillset) have to be asleep for it to happen. Or at least teetering very close to sleep. The way this is usually achieved is by people trying to learn meditation by getting in a comfortable position when they have free time and the energy to try this.
Then they try to focus on breathing or doing energy body stimulation (will be described how to later) basically the ability to create the vibrations. Till after 30 minutes or a hour if they are lucky they start to feel the vibrations and use a exit technique. (Will be covered) Then the exit technique can work, and then it goes to tips on what to do in the astral. But i probably won’t cover that in this text.
Yup. That’s it. Fall asleep, use a exit technique, walk or fly around the area you come out at. Sounds pretty simple when stripped to its barest parts… the problem is there are pitfalls where people get stuck not being able to to something. Weather they find it hard to fall asleep and can’t start the exit technique, or they get asleep and notice it and try to project and either nothing happens, or they get to excited or scared depending on the exit symptoms
(TIP 1) if you get to the exit phase you can experience very trippy psychedelic experiences. You can hallucinate smells, sounds, words, visions, shocks, vibrations, a heartbeat that goes incredibly fast, (not your actual heart) some mixture of all these… it can be a intense entry fee. And if you’re not mentally prepared by imagining these things happening you could get scared and think you are dying. Also some psychedelic experiences can prepare you for it.
(semi common for people who haven’t done psychedelics or had a near death experience and know what actually dying feels like) my first experience trying to project, I felt shocks in my face, with the shocks i saw strobe light flashes, i felt vibrations all over, i heard buzzing, my heart felt like it started to gradually increase to the speed of almost vibration… it was pretty intense, and as i felt myself starting to float up I thought for sure i was dying… so I stopped the exit.
After this, i built a block in my head with something in me saying “not ready for this experience yet” and alot of people believe this is the gatekeeper of the astral realm just making sure you are prepared for the wild ride that could happen. So hopefully you will imagine these experiences and prepare yourself mentally for them and not be scared like i was. And build a mindset of saying “heck yeah throw whatever psychedelic experience you want at me I’m ready and not afraid.”
Sorry to make a long part of this about the exit symptoms, and I in no way want to scare anyone away from this experience. But i do want you to be mentally prepared for possible obstacles and know that there is nothing to fear. Nobody is on record dying from astral projection from anything i have read was aware of. So that’s one pitfall covered.
The next will be the problem of feeling like you projected but you fall asleep or “nothing happens” first off,
(TIP 2) keep your first 3 or so trips really short. I follow and believe Robert Bruce’s advice here. Once you get out, scream I projected!! And if that doesn’t wake you up itself try finding your body and jumping in, or closing and opening your eyes, or falling backwards and closing your eyes then moving to get up, one of these should work. If not i don’t really know what else to say besides enjoy the trip and try to keep it as memorable as possible by dancing or something. So “trip short” covers staying too long and falling asleep, and even if you do fall asleep, here comes the next tip,
(TIP 3) learn to remember your dreams. I cannot stress enough the importance of this. If you don’t remember your dreams, you are unlikely to remember your projections. It’s like tying a worm to a fishing line and throwing it out there with no hook. Something might happen, but you can’t bring it back. The way to start remembering your dreams is to first start having more vivid dreams, which can easily be achieved by “oneirogens” drugs or herbs that can improve dreams. My favorite for this is the non wake psychoactive (won’t effect you while awake) herb Silene Capensis.
I love this stuff. It is a root that you can grind in a coffee grinder and measure out .5g or one gram of the herb by weight, and put in a tea bag or filter and put in boiling hot water and steep till warm or luke warm and then drink before bed. This specific herb usually has to be taken for several days before effects start to kick in. Then you should be having more memories and more vivid dreams. Which hugely effect astral projection probability by itself not including the tip after the next.
(TIP 4) is DREAM JOURNAL! get a app or notepad you already have or whatever and write any memory you can when you’re first starting out. As much detail as possible. The easiest way to trigger a memory is to think of common themes in your life or dreams if you remember some of them already is to think of the things you commonly dream about. Once you hit this groove on the record that is your memory there should be a notch there of the most recent memory related to that thing. Snow, your siblings, your spouse, your dog, your job, whatever you dream about. Then once you think of the thing that happened in your last few dreams it can trigger a memory of that dream. Then that can open up to more parts of that dream being remembered. As soon as you pull a piece to memory write it down and keep thinking. Start the dream journal while you’re waiting on your herb to come in.
(TIP 5) Once you have your dream journal for the day, in the middle of the day set a alarm to look at the dream journal and remember the dream or dreams you had. Doing this while more awake will build the gap between asleep memories and awake memories. Keep doing this. Once you remember more clearly only write a few key details at first, (saw friend, saw dog) then after the middle of the day alarm you set use these tips to try to remember the rest of what happened in the dream. Keep doing this consistently with the Silene Capensis (African dream root) I get mine from etsy. And you should be having vivid dreams that you remember in a couple weeks. Then you may start remembering two or three dreams when you wake up. Or more depending on how long you can sleep. That is the memory part.
(TIP 6) learn to lucid dream, then enter a projection from that lucid dream. So doing this method skips right over having to meditate to the point of projecting. Once you learn to lucid dream, all you have to do is fall backwards while closing your eyes in the dream. Then once you start to hit the ground and go black you should feel yourself float down some. This part can very on exactly what happened. Sometimes there’s no gravity and you have to try again or find something heavy to fall with, sometimes your whole perception view changes to third person like a video game and it’s harder to navigate, etc… but anyway, once you are in this point of asleep and fell backwards into darkness, you are in the mind awake body asleep stage in your body. This point comes with the problem of being really easy to be woken up, which is why you need to quickly start building vibrations, or do the rope technique. The ability to build the trigger of knowing the right thing to do goes into tip 7.
(TIP 7) how to start a lucid dream from a dream, learn to fall in the dream on command, learn to do projection techniques once you fall into the darkness, learn to do what you want to pre plan your projection to be, (usually for the first 4 times or at least 2 just short trips of getting out, then shouting I DID IT! then hopping back in. Which is “🌈imagination🌈” you take time throughout your day to do “reality checks” this is a lucid dreaming term that means to test if you are in awake or dream state. So every time you walk through a door is a good trigger, or set a bunch of alarms, or put your phone/smartwatch screen to say “am i dreaming?” Then you test if you are in a dream. Some people cover their nose and try to blow through. If they can then they’re in a dream. Or look at a watch and if it says anything but the right thing you’re in a dream. So you see your reminder or walk into a new room then test if you’re in a dream.
Then you “imagine” if the answer was yes. Then you “imagine” (please don’t fall backwards in reality….) falling backwards and closing your eyes. Once you get this pattern memorized your natural reaction once you realize you’re in a dream you will be to fall backwards. You build a muscle memory. Like when your arm knows what to do to shoot a basketball from a specific place. That place is when you’re in a dream. Then to not spend too much time daydreaming every time you walk through a door you can save the rest of the imagination for when you have a little more free time.
Then you imagine ““I’m in a dream” falling backwards, closing eyes, then imagine the first exit technique you want to use. I would recommend energy body stimulation. Then once you’re vibrating imagine floating up. Imagine bubbles coming from underneath you and lifting you away, or if that doesn’t work the rope technique. Then imagine the astral symptom’s happening. Take a second to imagine each possible symptom. Vibrating, flashing lights, “heart” pounding, etc… then imagine getting out of your body, then imagine shouting “eureka” or I projected!” Or whatever. Then open your eyes and go about the rest of your day till the next time.
If it helps right out your roadmap then rehearse each one in order. (“In dream”, fall back and close eyes, projection technique(‘s), out of body, scream, eyes open.) do this several times a day every day till you don’t have to look at the note or even think of the next thing to do, just “see” it happening in your imagination. See is used lightly for however you experience imaginations.
(TIP 8) Also i have to mention “flow state” and if you have a free day just spend the day looking at nature or whatever, and be 100% in the moment. Don’t think of something else, just perceive every crackle every bird chirp, every smell, (maybe carry something good smelling in a bag) taste something like a healthy apple washed, or something low calorie or your meal, combine as many senses as possible and be fully aware of all of these senses. Be fully aware of the moment and think nothing else but “am i in a dream” and look around and think about if you are.
Be present in the moment as a all day, or long session of a continuous reality check. Your probable best chance storm of the right things pulled together is, do whatever to have vivid dreams, set a alarm for 6 hours, (if you sleep less than 7.5 hours, than do whatever is 1.5 hours before you are supposed to wake up. Then wake up and do the “flow state” of constantly thinking about if you are awake, and chew on something that won’t leave a strong taste in your mouth but that you can clearly taste, then smell something, like a herb bag. Something calming. And look at something pretty, and feel something with your hands, focus on as many of these as you can while being in the state of (“am I dreaming?”)
then after 10 minutes of doing that, (write your dreams down as soon as you wake then do the “flow state” for 10 minutes) go back to sleep, and hope for a lucid dream. Then the rest should take over.
(TIP 9) this is the energy body stimulation method. hold your hand palm up, then start to brush over your hand with the tips of your fingers. Start with hard ish scratches so you can really feel it and swipe back and forth about a second each swipe, then slowly start to scratch more gently, try to notice and be aware as much as possible the feeling of your fingertips scratching your palm. If your palm is too ticklish, use the back of your hand, if that is, use from elbow to wrist. At a steady pace back and forth, really try to feel in the hand you’re not moving the feeling of it being scratched, try to follow along im your mind and kind of predict the feeling of it moving forward, then keep slowly lowering pressure till you are completely off your skin, then you are trying to continue to imagine this sweeping sensation on your non moving hand as the scratching hand hovers above it. Feel the sensation move up and down. This is energy body stimulation. And if you can do it well enough you should be able to trigger vibrations quite easily.
Work on making this sensation go all over your whole body. If you have to use your hand or a brush or something to get the feelings going till you can imagine it in that area. Sweep back and forth in your mind in your foot a little bit, then your shin then your knee to hip, then your hip to the other legs knee, down to the toes, then back to the hip, around the stomach, etc. throughout the whole body. Eventually it should start vibrating and you can build this till you start to float. Don’t stop till you float away. One method is to focus on a tiny area like a big toe, and do it till you feel vibrating.
Another way of creating the vibrations if you have a hard time with imagination, is to try to move a part of your body in the smallest possible distance known. You try to lift your pinky finger but without applying enough force to actually twitch a muscle. This sends focus to that part of your body and energy in turn. Then move the feeling from “lifting” your pinky to lifting your ring finger, again not actually using any muscles, but making a mental effort to move the muscle as small of an effort as possible. Just enough to feel the area, but not enough to move the muscles. This will stimulate the area and after enough practice and trance state cause the vibrations.
(TIP 10) THIS IS NOT A RECOMMENDATION…. But for informational purposes… when i use delta 9 thc edibles (merijuana active chemical) and try energy body stimulation it is almost instant and very easy. I do not recommend at all being high while you try to project because it could take from the real feeling of it and make it seem fake. But for myself I believe it’s a good practice for energy work just to build the vibrations and clear energies. I’d recommend during energy work learning about the chakras and stimulating each energy ball up your spine from your base to your crown. For a better explanation of this read Robert Bruce: “Astral dynamics” or “energy work” astral dynamics will also cover the rope method.
(TIP 11) “the rope method.” (TIP) Basically in my explanation you rub your hand on something resembling a rope. Preferably a rope, lol. and you start pulling gently with your hands so loose that the rope slides through your hands, keep doing this for a while at a steady speed. Then after a while let go of the rope and move your hands like they are going down the rope, this is your baseline for how to imagine this sensation, don’t move a muscle a inch, and imagine doing this same technique, feeling the rope sliding through your hands, till you actually start to feel your arms moving, once your astral arms are moving and you’re sure it’s your astral arms and you didn’t start moving your real arms, grab something near you. ( it will probably still be dark) and pull yourself away from your body gently. Then try to fly or keep pulling till you start to gain vision. And that is the rope technique basically.
(TIP 12) There is another method that is the ear ringing (often called tinnitus) method. Where you get it really quiet enough to not hear anything at all. Gun soundproofing muffs with cotton or earbuds on the inside so you hear absolutely nothing. Then you can start to hear a ringing noise. If you hear it just keep focusing on it till it gets so loud you start to experience projecting symptoms. I don’t recommend ear damage at all! But if you go to a loud concert then go home and meditate you should be able to hear it then. The temporary loss of hearing creates the tinnitus and you can use it.
(TIP 13) not sure if this works as i read it on reddit and haven’t tried it yet but it sounds reasonable. Start saying words that are unrelated to each other. So instead of couch then chair, or house then mansion, something like frog then chair then guitar. Apparently this can keep you conscious enough while also going deep enough into trance.
Well that’s about it for my hopefully helpful tips. Happy travels!

^{you always were special
always special to me
all of you
every
last
one
of
you}
[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
Sacajawea leaned back, staring at the hologram in the middle of the table.
"I fled the Glassing. I asked Luke to rebirth my people, help me get the colony ships working, then ran for it," she said. "Twelve ships lifted off, escorted by light attack and defense craft," she closed her eyes. "Only four made it. The Mantid boarded two of the ships," she swallowed thickly. "I could hear them scream as the Mantid killed them."
Legion squeezed her hand gently.
N'Skrek could see the pain in her features.
For her, it may be thousands of years ago, but it still brings pain, he thought to himself. For me, for all of us at this table, this is an event tens of thousands of years ago. Barely remembered history.
"We stayed in jumpspace for months, years, pushing at the upper bands," she shook her head. "We eventually hit the point where the ships were pushed back down by the pressure."
N'Skrek nodded. The upper jumpspace bands required specialized engines and jumpcores.
"We used cryogenics to make the trips," she said. "We would exit jumpspace, refuel at a far orbit gas giant that was not frozen, then jump again," she shook her head. "All I could think of was to run as far and as fast as I could, and bring my people with me."
She began drawing lines.
"Hundreds of years passed while we slept, a dreamless sleep," Sacajawea said. "We ran until the ships could run no more. Two of them failed exiting jumpspace, but we were lucky. By that time I understood that each jump could be our last, so I ensured that we headed toward stellar systems that had a high probability of a planet we could survive on."
She shook her head.
"I never entered cryo-sleep. I stayed awake, guiding our path," she inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. "I could feel our path. I knew which way to go."
Luke held up one finger, getting everyone's attention.
"The Digital Omnimessiah, he changed us with his touch. Each of us with our own part to play to save humanity," he said. He glanced at Sacajawea. "She can see, feel probabilities and adjust to a shifting situation with nearly precognizant accuracy."
Sacajawea rolled her eyes and sniffed, pursing her lips. "You make it sound so pedestrian."
Luke just smiled.
"For hundreds of years I stood on the bridge of a damaged colony ship, my pointing finger our only guide," she said.
N'Skrek noted that her voice had fallen into a sing-song cadence.
"Finally I saw the six suns, arranged in the shape of an eagle," she said. "I knew, at that moment, that this would be as far as we could go. Our ships were failing, but they could make this last leg of our journey. I chose the best one for my people. It was nearly paradise, just needing a little bit of tweaking. No life higher than plant life and simple insects, perfect to live away from hatred, war, and slaughter."
She looked down.
"I led them to their doom," she said softly. "We had to rely on high technology at first. Terraformers, the gene banks that Luke had acquired, orbital lift capacity."
She shook her head. "Little did we know that the technology would attract what you call the Mar-gite."
N'Skrek shook his head. "No. You were just in the way," he said.
She looked startled.
"If the planet had carbon based life or an oxygen heavy atmosphere, they would have devoured it," N'Skrek said. He shrugged. "It's what they do. Before recently, we thought they were some kind of locust that just denuded planets and moved on."
"Now we know that they're a weapon, being driven in front of another species," Admiral Breakheader said.
She blinked several times, then turned to Luke.
"True story," Luke shrugged.
Sacajawea was silent for a long moment, then she shivered and touched the hologram again.
"I guided my people along the True Path, the one that promised the most happiness and most reward," she said. She glanced at Luke. "Those who wished to embrace more technology had their own spaces, although I did not dwell with them."
She looked down at where Luke was still holding her hand.
"For thousands of years, six thousand of our years," she said. "Then the Outsiders came."
"How long Confederate Standard?" Admiral Breakheader asked, rubbing his chin.
N'Skrek could hear the rustle of bristles from the Vice-Admiral's five-o-clock shadow.
Sacajawea closed her eyes. "Almost six thousand to the day."
Breakheader nodded, making a note.
"At first, they just appeared in out of the way locations. Someone would see them and they'd flee, move away, and eventually they started to show up more and more near the technological enclaves," Sacajawea shook her head. "It was the technology that they were attracted to."
N'Skrek just nodded.
"Then came the attacks. Our superluminal communication links went first, but not before we learned that we were being attacked on all six worlds simultaneously. We held them off for years, protecting ourselves. No matter what path I looked at, I could see no path that had a statistically viable path to victory, I could only minimize their victories," she closed her eyes. "They began capturing my people, abducting whole villages."
"Then came the Devouring Ones," she said. "Two years later, and we were gone."
Breakheader nodded.
"Initial scouting, followed by an assault, then research, then finished with an extermination attack," he said. He looked up. "Standard xenocide tactics."
Sacajawea looked way.
"He's right," Luke said. She looked at him, surprised. "You put up too stiff of a fight so they brought in their heavy hitters after getting a good look at how we worked."
There was silence for a moment, then Commander Hentrill looked up from her datapad. "How did you die?" she asked.
"What difference does it make?" Sacajawea asked.
Hentrill looked unfazed by the glare that Sacajawea aimed down her nose at her. "It makes a lot of difference, Ma'am," she said cooly.
N'Skrek could feel that Hentrill had developed a dislike for the Immortal over the course of the conversation.
"When they came for me, when I was the last, I stepped from the cliff and fell to the rocks below, where the waves washed against the shore. By the time they reached me, I had died from my injuries," Sacajawea said. "I sang as I fell so that..."
"Suicide. They gathered your lifeless corpse," Hentrill said. She narrowed her eyes. "You have a standard datalink for the Glassing Era. Did you have one when you fell?"
Sacajawea nodded. "It was on piece of technology that I felt was necessary to embrace," she said.
"So, you killed yourself and the enemy obtained your datalink and your brain," Hentrill said. "What about your leaders? You did have military leaders, yes?"
Sacajawea glanced at Luke, who nodded. "Yes. I convinced Luke to bring back great leaders of my people and I nurtured their spirits as I raised them during the trip."
"Did they have datalinks?" Hentrill asked.
Sacajawea nodded. "Yes. I had been told, repeatedly, that effective communication was vital to winning a war."
"Daxin," Luke interjected.
Sacajawea sniffed. "Yes."
Hentrill made a note. "Were your leaders targeted early in the conflict?" she asked.
"Of course," Sacajawea said. "Many were killed, but the technology we had allowed them to return within days, only missing a few days of their previous life. Luke had convinced Peter to ensure we had a version of the SUDS, which we only used for critically important people."
N'Skrek saw a muscle twitch next to Luke's eye, but he stayed smiling.
"But it was destroyed before the Devourers came," Sacajawea said. "It could not be helped. There was almost no path I could take that would prevent it from being destroyed, so I chose the path that would result in the least casualties for my people."
N'Skrek was not that familiar with Terrans, but he could tell that Commander Hentrill was rubbed the wrong way by that statement.
"I think we should take a break," N'Skrek said. He nodded toward Luke. "I am sure both of you are fatigued from being brought back from the dead."
"Yes," Sacajawea said before Luke could do much more than open his mouth. "I would prefer to have privacy to rest and perform necessary rites."
N'Skrek just nodded. "I'll be sure you get privacy."
0-0-0-0-0
Legion stood next to the tank, one hand on the heavily armored skirt, staring at the black metal the tank was made from.
"Warsteel Mark-IV," he whispered to himself. He shook his head. "We are old friends, you and I," he said softly, running one hand across the metal. "Later superseded by arcanochromium for the Mark-V."
He didn't care if anyone heard him talking to the tank. There was just a single Telkan in the vehicle bay, running diagnostic checks on one of the big Telkan armored transports used for power armor troops.
^{your name is luke}
He shook his head, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He kept hearing slight buzzing whispers.
He felt her before he could see her. Felt her leave the lift, the warsteel doors pulling open and letting her presence roll out to fill the vehicle bay.
He heard her shoes clicking and closed his eyes, sighing.
It's not her. Not the one you knew. It's Tiffany, not Sacajawea, he thought to himself.
^{your name is luke}
He looked up just in time to see a green mantid wave shyly at him.
He smiled at it and waved back just as Sacajawea stopped next to him.
"A green mantid?" she said, her voice slightly fearful.
"Engineer caste," Luke said. "They like me."
"They are Mantid," Sacajawea said, her voice cold and hard.
"The war was thousands of years ago, and even if it wasn't, he is blameless in it," Luke said.
"But it is a Mantid," Sacajawea said. She watched coldly as the little green mantid waved and rushed away.
"I have more in common with him than I do with the majority of humanity," Luke said softly.
Sacajawea scoffed. "Surely not."
Luke nodded. "His kind was trapped inside their own minds. Capable of thought, artistic expression, fear, love, affection, all of it," he ran one finger along the armored track skirt of the tank, a fat purple spark jumping from between his finger and the black armor. "The whole war, until the Mechakrautlanders killed that Overqueen, they were inside their own little heads, screaming endlessly."
He ran his finger again, watching another spark jump out.
"When green mantids cluster up, their intelligence increases. Not by leaps and bounds, just slightly, but the bigger part is, they could feel the ones around them screaming but were unable to reach out and touch them," he said. He was silent a moment. "I understand them, they understand me. Both of us, bred and created to merely serve, without any thought as to our souls."
He turned arounds, looking at Sacajawea.
"They are among the Digital Omnimessiah's most fervent believers, and one of humanity's staunchest allies," he said. He motioned at the tanks around them. "You have been gone a long time, little sister."
"And you, did you live through the forty-thousand years? What did you do?" Sacajawea asked.
Luke shook his head. "I retreated. After the War in Heaven and in Hell, after the Flashbang, I retreated," he said. "I spent most of my time at Atlantis, which led to me being more or less imprisoned, away from the galaxy."
He flashed a smile.
"At least I had the Detainee for company. She's an interesting conversationalist."
Sacajawea just sniffed, looking around. "What is that?" she asked, pointing at the lone Telkan, who had just straightened up from the tracks and was wiping his hands off with a rag.
"A Telkan. An full member species of the Confederacy, an ally to humanity, who took part in the War in Heaven," Luke said. He waved at the Telkan, who waved back, and went back to inspecting the vehicle.
"It looks like a fox," Sacajawea said.
Luke cut her off with a motion of his hand. "I swear to God, you start talking to me about how they obviously embody the trickster spirit of the fox and thus are untrustworthy I'll put you right back where I found you," he said sharply.
Sacajawea pursed her lips in irritation.
"You have to let go. Let go of your preconceived notions. Let go of all the old hurts. It's been eight-thousand years for you and forty-thousand for the universe," Luke said softly, turning back to running his hand over the armor on the tank. "Even Daxin could see that."
Sacajawea snorted. "Like Daxin ever saw anything that wasn't in the sights of his guns."
Luke turned around, his jaw clenched. "You don't speak bad about him in my presence again," he snapped, drawing himself up to full height. "Not now, not ever again," he leaned forward slightly. "You weren't here. You left us, the Digital Omnimessiah was dead, and we were all bereft," sparks jumped out from under his boots and under the palm that rested on the tank's armor. "True, I spent over a thousand years running from him, but he was still my brother. It hurt more than anything not to be at his side when he died."
Sacajawea looked around at the tanks and armored vehicles. "He fell on some battlefield," she said. It was less a question and more a statement.
Luke shook his head. "No. He died, in his sleep, surrounded by his family. His children, grand-children, and great-grand children. He was finally at peace," he sighed. "When he arrived in Afterlife, he waited patiently for his wife and even though I wanted to spend time with him," he sighed again. "It was time to let the Walking War Crime rest."
Luke turned and faced Sacajawea. "In your mind, we are still the same as we were," he said gently. He reached out and took her hand in his. "But that is no longer true. We grew, we set aside old differences, we set aside old hatreds, and we moved forward rather than holding tight to the past."
She sniffed, looking away, but not pulling her hand away. "I have seen the history. A history of lies that glosses over the crimes and bloodshed."
"Temporal warfare counter-measures," Luke said. "After The Glassing, history and culture was lost. It was rebuilt from oral tales and fragmented records."
"Lies," she said again.
"Weaponized," Luke said. He pulled his hand free, jamming both hands into his pockets. "It's protected Terra, protected everyone, even your people, more than once. When the Atrekna came, that was probably the only thing that saved our people," he stared at her. "Saved humanity."
"So they don't care about the truth?" she asked.
"What truth? That thousands of years ago an aggressive Mantid hive wrecked up Earth? Nobody cares any more," he said. "That's the thing about them. They aren't like us. We can easily remember the Glassing. For them, it's a few paragraphs in a history book they read in school. Maybe some scholars look at that era," he looked up at the lights. "For the majority of humanity, the Glassing is as far and remote as the light of the stars in the sky," he looked back down. "And that's a good thing."
"I do not understand you," Sacajawea said.
^{she never did
not like i do
luke}
"You never did," Luke said. "You never did. She eventually understood me."
^{that's right
i understand you}
"You cloned me without my consent," she accused. She crossed her arms. "I await your justifications."
Luke just smiled. "I did. I cloned you without your consent. I told your clone that it was a clone," he looked up. "Then the Imperium caught us, turned us into the Immortals. Used her as a seer to determine how to reach victory, but she held information back and Daxin, at the head of the Martial Orders of Terra, broke the Imperium over his knee."
He looked back down. "Afterwards, she worked tirelessly on the Terra Restoration Project. While I was busy running, she returned to Terra, sought out the survivors of her people, and helped them restore their lands and way of life."
Sacajawea looked away. "As did I."
Luke chuckled. "She used temporal lensing to look back into the past, see the reality of the old ways, watch the rituals and daily life of the ancestors, and restored them."
"Yet, the history books are full of lies," Sacajawea sniffed.
"After the Second Temporal War, she understood and embraced the counter-warfare protocols. She helped interweave your people into the tales," Luke said. "Was it all lies? Partly. Like the best ones, it had good heaping helping of truth hidden inside the metaphors and personifications of events."
"And where is she now?" Sacajawea asked, watching the Telkan inspect the running gears of the armored vehicle.
"She led the Sky Nebula Alignment fleet. She led our peoples, all our peoples, to someplace where our enemies would not find us," Luke said. He turned and ran his hand over the armor again. "I stayed behind. I never lost faith that the Digital Omnimessiah would return."
He lifted his palm and made small figure eights on the armor with his fingertips.
"I loved her, so I let her go," he said softly. "She had seen it was the only way our people would survive a coming darkness."
He looked at Sacajawea. "She was right."
Sacajawea looked at where Luke was making small figure eights with his fingers on the armor. "There is no good path for me to take. All of them are risky, most of them I will perish," she said. She reached out and took his hand. "My best chances for survival is to flee," she lifted his hand and grasped it with both of hers.
"Come with me. Let us leave. You can take us elsewhere, where we have a chance of survival," she tilted her head to encompass the vehicle bay. "Too many of these paths lead to both our deaths. There are too few that lead to a place where we both survive."
Luke delicately removed his hand from hers, using one hand to lift her fingers from her grip on his hand one by one.
"No."
Sacajawea frowned. "No? Together, we can go somewhere else where we have a better chance to stand up to whatever comes and have a possibility of triumphing at a later date," she waved at the armored vehicles. "This way, the way that Treana'ad commander is taking us, is rife with nothing but death and destruction."
Luke stared at her for a long moment.
"You never understood," he said softly. "Your desire, your drive, to save your people, and yourself, blind you to the things that must be done," he put one hand on the tank again. "That sometimes the only path forward to success is the one fraught with the most danger, hardship, and suffering."
He turned away and started walking deeper into the vehicle bay.
"She understood," he said softly.
"I am not her," Sacajawea said.
"Obviously."
Sacajawea just sniffed and turned away, leaving the bay.
^{your name is luke}
By the tank, Jaskel wondered why the hell they'd chosen that particular bay for their little spat.
He looked at 8814, who was still practially hopping from foot to foot with happiness.
"I'm glad you got to meet him," Jaskel said honestly.
--yes ┏(＾0＾)┛┗(＾0＾) ┓ yes--
0-0-0-0-0
Dhruv sat in the shadowy room, wearing a pair of exercise shorts, waiting.
Finally, he could smell cigarette smoke and a presence filled the room.
"What?" a voice asked from the shadows. The end of a cigarette brightened as a drag was taken off of it, briefly illuminating gun-metal gray eyes and severe cheekbones.
"I want a favor," Dhruv said.
He could feel the smile even if he couldn't see it.
"People in my care want ice water," the woman's voice commanded.
"I want you to look up SUDS records for me. I need you to process some of them so I can either talk to them or see their last moments," Luke said. He looked away from the glow of the cigarette. "Records from a long time ago."
"If I decide to do this, I'll need specifics," the woman said, exhaling smoke that curled into the figure of a man on his knees, face in his hand, sobbing.
"I'll provide them. They should be easy to find via their x, y, z, q coordinates," Luke said.
"Now for the big question," the woman said, chuckling.
"What?" Luke asked.
"Why should I help you?" the woman asked.
"Because I'm willing to make a deal with the Devil," Legion said.
This time he could see the glint of teeth in the smile.
^{your name is legion}
[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]

Reasons

• Atrophy in hands.
• Slight Breathing Difficulty.
• Twitching Muscles
• Swallowing Difficulty.
• Twitching Fingers.
• Weak Grip.
• Numb Pinky/Ring finger.

Reasons

• Atrophy in hands.
• Slight Breathing Difficulty.
• Twitching Muscles
• Swallowing Difficulty.
• Twitching Fingers.
• Weak Grip.
• Numb Pinky/Ring finger.

At a dead end with experimentation and looking for input on my situation!
I got Covid In October 2022 while already sick with a sinus infection and on antibiotics. It was a mild infection I developed constipation and insomnia that has not left since I fell ill. Things popped off 2 weeks later after I hit the gym.
Highlights: (from October 2022 - Present) - I tested with a 12.6 on the longhauler index under the cytokine panel (may 2023) with Bruce Patterson, last test In march 2024 i was under 1. - progression from slight intestinal methane overgrowth in 2023 to a significant methane overgrowth and addition of hydrogen SIBO in present) - I have done antimicrobial treatment and had an FMT, currently on antimicrobials again and still only passing stool once in very other day very constipated - cognitive impairment, depressive thoughts (this is volatile on a day to day basis i will go through periods where I don’t feel significantly overwhelmed and stressed, and then I will feel like everything is manageable and so I don’t have these feelings or thoughts), malaise, brain fog, muscle twitching, sensitivity to sounds, head pressure between eyes and on temples, memory troubles, very stiff neck and mid back on and off, terrible insomnia (needs medication) if not I get hypnic jerks on repeat for hours and an very overwhelming feeling in my body that can best be described as anxious, restless, and I get squeamish. I will eventually sleep but it will take 6 hours and it will be of exhaustion. - I’ve had chronic sinus infections every day for the past 19 months they have improved significantly once I halted probiotics. Was blood and green snot every day
Summary of abnormal testing: 2023: Basophils have been consistently above high normal on some tests and normal on others - above high normal progesterone - h pylori (been dealt with) - slightly elevated histamine (plasma) - slightly below normal natural killer cells - SPECT scan (concentration) showed some low levels of blood flow to 6 major areas of brain, the write up mentioned results show a likely past brain injury. I’ve never had a brain injury in my life -> I know it’s from Covid just don’t know how it fits in the puzzle . - my organic acid test had above high normal 4-hydroxyphenylacetic arabinose, glycolic, oxalic, 3-methtylglutaric acid. And below normal pyruvic acid. Was also notably on the lower end of a lot of my amino acid metabolites - very mild ochratoxin A mild residue on mold test (was treated)
Crossed off: - Covid spike (in blood) - negative Lyme, negative EBV - majority of autoimmune tests - B cell testing - cytokine testing - Mast cell activation markers Lymphocyte markers (cd3, cd4, cd8) - normal general blood testing, complement testing (c3, c4, CH50), differential testing, general hematology, , lgG, IgM, IgE, IgA, , c reactive, liver enzymes, cortisol am, glucose random, rheumatoid factor, vit D, thyroglobulin AB, thyroid peroxidase AB, cholesterol, HDL, LDL, triglycerides, t4 free, Tsh, potassium, sodium, fsh, estradiol, testosterone, dheas, insulin
If you made it this far in my little essay cheers loooool this shit is absolutely fucking insane, you’re not alone 😂. I am seeing an infectious disease specialist in July and am looking to book a neurologist. I look forward to your responses and wishing you all the best guys🙏