Easy preschool songs-poems for graduation

CLEP: Credit by Examination

2011.06.15 19:34 cleptobiosis CLEP: Credit by Examination

This subreddit is dedicated to sharing information on College-Level Examination Program (CLEP) and DSST exams.

[link]

2013.11.26 23:30 IdlePigeon League of Girls

Because some of us don't have real friends to play with.

[link]

2010.02.18 19:44 tomatohs Rutgers University

The official subreddit for Rutgers University RU RAH RAH

[link]

2024.06.01 15:27 3lli3 I’m in LSUS and I feel like a fraud

I had an existential crisis a couple months ago as my job was demanding a lot of me - crazy hours in the field and a lot of driving on dangerous roads. I was at the point where I was ready to quit and I was considering strategies that would help me to get into a better position, graduate school being one of those options. After doing a lot of research I found many people saying that employers much preferred work experience over education. At this point I decided I was going to stay at my job and take advantage of their tuition reimbursement program while attending an online program, hoping to accelerate me moving up in the ranks. People said LSUS was affordable and accredited - it looked like a good option for what I was trying to do.
Im in my third class now (no math courses yet) and while I have learned some things I'd consider valuable, the program feels easy... like too easy? I have definitely put in some back to back 12 hour days over the weekends writing papers or studying for tests but the program still feels pretty much like I can slap something together last minute and pass. I also haven't taken any math-based courses yet and I've heard those can be a little more challenging but I almost feel embarrassed about this whole program now that I know what it is. I don't like telling people I'm in a MBA because I feel like a fraud. I guess my fear is that I would put LSUS on a resume and an employer would scoff at me or I would insult someone who went through a "real" MBA program by telling them I have one. Is there a basis for these fears and insecurities? What are employers perceptions of this school?
I know not all is lost - while I have heard LSUS' program does not prepare you for a PMP cert, it does fill the educational requirements and I plan to get a PMP cert as well. Passing the PMP seems challenging and like it would actually show some level of expertise in my field.

submitted by 3lli3 to MBA [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 14:33 SimpleBE Rate my salary - System Engineer

Job Context: I manage the whole infra (Azure) of our company. I also do Project Management, improvements, purchasing/billing, software/license management, etc.. Everything. We are a team of 2 engineers in a 200 people company and I'm the senior engineer in our team.
Should I go for a salary increase? According to the benchmarks online I can go higher than this but I don't think my salary is bad.
PERSONALIA
Age: 31
Education: Graduate (IT)
Work experience : 6,5 years in IT
EMPLOYER PROFILE
SectoIndustry: IT
Amount of employees: 200-250
Multinational? Yes
*CONTRACT & CONDITIONS * Current job title: System Engineer
Seniority: 3yr
Official hours/week : 40h/week
Average real hours/week incl. overtime: 40h
Shiftwork or 9 to 5 (flexible?): 9 to 5 (free to choose hours)
Vacation days/year: 32 (20 + 12 ADV)
SALARY
Gross salary/month: 3860
Average net salary/month (incl. net fees): +- 2550
Netto compensation: 155
13th month (full? partial?): Full
Meal vouchers: 8 eur
Ecocheques: Yes
Salary cabike and/or fuel card: Car (hybrid), fuel and charging card
Group insurance (% employer): Yes (3%)
Other insurances: Yes, hospitalisation
Other benefits (bonuses, stocks options, ... ): Bike lease, Flex plan, Health partner plan
MOBILITY
City/region of work: Vlaanderen
Distance home-work (km's/time): 50km/40 min
How do you commute? Car
How is the travel home-work compensated: Company car
Telework days/week: Free to choose (mostly 2-3 days in the office by choice)
OTHER
How easy can you plan a day off: Easily, free to choose.
Is your job stressful? Depends on the period or workload
Education possibilities: Yearly training budget
Responsible for personnel (reports): Officialy no, but I take the lead of the IT team. I follow up on my junior colleague and give guidance.

submitted by SimpleBE to BESalary [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 13:56 genericusername1904 H.G. WELLS’S, THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME (1933) VS. 1984 AND BRAVE NEW WORLD

ID, IX. MAIORES. V, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.

I discovered this book by complete chance last year – a very old hardback copy was given to me as gift (in a situation which was certainly weighted with the most unlikely of synchronicities), “huh,” I thought, “it’s a first edition of H.G. Wells,” the book itself almost cannot be opened because it is so old and falling apart so I procured a text and audio file of the thing relatively easily and began to read. In hindsight not only for myself but I fancy for the generations of the last fifty years - in all totality, it is deeply strange that this book has not been more widely recognized or taught in schools, as like 1984 and Brave New World, as being the third contender (although technically the second, published one year after Huxley – seemingly written at the same time interestingly enough) in “visions of dystopia” – except that the book is not so much a vision of dystopia tomorrow but a vision of dystopia ‘today’ or rather ‘life as we know it’ of the 19th, 20th and 21st Centuries (endless war, endless pandemics, economic and logistic chaos), narrated from the comfortable and reassuring position of a society far far in the future who have long since revised their culture and solved all of the causes of the problems and become a society of genius polymaths “with (every Man and Woman) the intellectual equal of the polymaths of the ancient world.”
Now, I do not mean here to seem to ‘sweet-talk’ the reader into rushing out and buying this book or to hold it up in the manner of those other books as if it were some ideological blueprint but instead to assay the thing in the natural context which seems to me to be universally unrealized and which presents itself to us as a thing which is plainly self-evident, that is: that in the depressing and miserable dichotomy of 1984 and Brave New World; two extremely atomizing and miserable narratives, that there is also – far more empowering – The Shape Of Things To Come wherein the miserable protagony and antagony of both 1984 and Brave New World might read as merely a footnote somewhere in the middle of the book as an example of the witless measures mankinds old master undertook to preserve their power in an untenable circumstance. In other words, we know all about 1984 as children; we have this drummed into our heads and we glean our cultural comprehension that dictators cannot be cliques of business people but only lone individuals, usually in military uniform, and then we graduate from that to Brave New World to gain a more sophisticated comprehension of the feckless consumerism and ‘passive egoism’ by which our society actually operates, but then we do not – as I argue we ought – continue along in our education with this third book which actually addresses the matters at hand at a more adult level.
For instance, here, from ‘The Breakdown Of Finance And Social Morale After Versailles’ (Book One, Chapter Twelve) addresses in a single paragraph the cause of our continual economic chaos (of which all crime and poverty and war originates from) and highlights the problem from which this chaos cannot be resolved yet could easily be resolved, “adjustment was left to blind and ill-estimated forces,” “manifestly, a dramatic revision of the liberties of enterprise was necessary, but the enterprising people who controlled politics (would be) the very last people to undertake such a revision,”

…the expansion of productive energy was being accompanied by a positive contraction of the distributive arrangements which determined consumption. The more efficient the output, the fewer were the wages-earners. The more stuff there was, the fewer consumers there were. The fewer the consumers, the smaller the trading profits, and the less the gross spending power of the shareholders and individual entrepreneurs. So buying dwindled at both ends of the process and the common investor suffered with the wages- earner. This was the "Paradox of Overproduction" which so troubled the writers and journalists of the third decade of the twentieth century.

It is easy for the young student to-day to ask "Why did they not adjust?" But let him ask himself who there was to adjust. Our modern superstructure of applied economic science, the David Lubin Bureau and the General Directors' Board, with its vast recording organization, its hundreds of thousands of stations and observers, directing, adjusting, apportioning and distributing, had not even begun to exist. Adjustment was left to blind and ill-estimated forces. It was the general interest of mankind to be prosperous, but it was nobody's particular interest to keep affairs in a frame of prosperity. Manifestly a dramatic revision of the liberties of enterprise was necessary, but the enterprising people who controlled politics, so far as political life was controlled, were the very last people to undertake such a revision.

There is a clever metaphor I fancy that Wells worked in to this for the ‘actual’ defacto controlling class of things, that is: not really the politicians (sorry to disappoint the Orwell and conspiracy fans) but instead the ‘Dictatorship of the Air’ which might easily read as the ‘Dictatorship of the Airwaves’ – in colloquial language, that being radio and then television. Certainly we might imagine Rupert Murdoch or Ted Turner or Sumner Redstone (of yesterday) entering into honourable retirement as like the ‘dictators of the air’ of the very last days before the establishment of a one world state – in any case that is how things would work out, as the power of, say, Ted Turner to eradicate a political party in the United States – at any time he wishes – by simply green-lighting coverage of their bad actions relentlessly for months until revolution occurs is a real power of which no other institution possesses nor possesses any means of defence against, i.e. the ‘real power’ in our world to end a war or begin or war or end this or begin that is that power held by the organized press. This metaphor is somewhat of a more mature view, I think, than Wells earlier conception of the press in The Sleeper Awakes (1899) where the press of a dystopian future is visualized as a “babble machine” spreading circular nonsense to preoccupy the citizenry (although this is arguably a true representation of the mental processes of the Twitter and Facebook user, or of the general baby-speak and extremely infantile form of the news reports on the front page of the BBC News website) which is more or less what the press depicted as being in Brave New World also.
However the construction of sudden new realities (or sudden ‘actualities’) presented by the equation of interdependent technological innovations (i.e. the radio and the television in this instance) is mentioned early on in The Shape Of Things To Come in ‘How The Idea And Hope Of The Modern World State First Appeared’ (Book One, Chapter Two),

The fruitlessness of all these premature inventions is very easily explained. First in the case of the Transatlantic passage; either the earlier navigators who got to America never got back, or, if they did get back, they were unable to find the necessary support and means to go again before they died, or they had had enough of hardship, or they perished in a second attempt. Their stories were distorted into fantastic legends and substantially disbelieved. It was, indeed, a quite futile adventure to get to America until the keeled sailing ship, the science of navigation, and the mariner's compass had been added to human resources. (Then), in the matter of printing, it was only when the Chinese had developed the systematic manufacture of abundant cheap paper sheets in standard sizes that the printed book—and its consequent release of knowledge—became practically possible. Finally the delay in the attainment of flying was inevitable because before men could progress beyond precarious gliding it was necessary for metallurgy to reach a point at which the internal combustion engine could be made. Until then they could build nothing strong enough and light enough to battle with the eddies of the air.

In an exactly parallel manner, the conception of one single human community organized for collective service to the common weal had to wait until the rapid evolution of the means of communication could arrest and promise to defeat the disintegrative influence of geographical separation. That rapid evolution came at last in the nineteenth century, and it has been described already in a preceding chapter of this world history. Steam power, oil power, electric power, the railway, the steamship, the aeroplane, transmission by wire and aerial transmission followed each other very rapidly. They knit together the human species as it had never been knit before. Insensibly, in less than a century, the utterly impracticable became not merely a possible adjustment but an urgently necessary adjustment if civilization was to continue.

In other words, then, a global state (or, rather, such power in general held by the press as I see the analogy extending to them as being the ‘Dictatorship of the Airwaves’) was impossible to imagine and completely laughable before the technologies had stacked together to reveal as like in a simple piece of arithmetic which produced a single outcome of the equation; that no sooner had the technologies existed then the thing had become an actual reality – in that 1) unassailable political power had been unthinkingly dropped into the lap of the owners of the press, but that more importantly as consequence that therefore 2) mankind was subject to that power, that is: the situation existed the moment the technologies did – and this whether any living person had even realized it, as I think quite naturally all the time Men and Women invent things that they really have no notion of the fullest or most optimal uses of (“nothing is needed by fools, for: they do not understand how to use anything but are in want of everything,” Chrysippus), e.g. in no metaphor the television was quite literally invented as a ‘ghost box’ to commune with ghosts imagined to reveal themselves by manipulating the black and white of the static until someone else had the idea that there was at least one other use for that contraption.
It is quite strange, also, that in contemporary times we have for ages been heavily propagandized ‘against’ the idea of a “one world state” as if, say, all the crimes and fecklessness that have gone on in our lifetimes are somehow secretly building towards the creation of such a thing – not a thing you would naturally conclude from an observation of those events nor a thing advocated for by anybody (insofar as I have ever heard) but it is a thing which would be the first logical response to ‘preventing’ such crimes from ever occurring again – such as like the already widely practiced concept of a Senate-Style Federation of Sovereign States rather than a hundred or so mutually antagonistic polities capable of bombing themselves or screwing up their economies and creating waves of refugees or mass starvation or pandemics, and so on. For instance, All Egypt is dependent on the flow of the Nile which originates in what is today another country, that other country recently decimated the flow of the Nile by gumming up the Nile with a Hydroelectric Dam; such an outcome would not occur if the total mass of the land itself was governed as the single interconnected economic and environmental system that it is in physical reality of which, when divided along arbitrary borderlines, there is no means to govern the entirety of the region in an amicable and prosperous manner for all as a whole and no recourse to the otherwise intolerable situation but War which is unlikely to occur – as most Nations are comprised of civilized peoples who rightly loath the concept of War – but it is the single and unavoidable outcome to resolve such a situation until that situation has dragged on for decades, causing immense suffering, until it reaches that point of desperation – the matter of Palestine and Israel, fresh to my mind in these days, raises itself also.
Of the matter of War itself, in ‘The Direct Action Of The Armament Industries In Maintaining War Stresses’ (Book One, Chapter Eleven), Wells relays in 1933 what United States President Eisenhower would later remark in 1961 in his farewell address of the dangers of the Military Industrial Complex; albeit far more analytically on Wells part, that: it is not so much the ‘desire to harm’ on the part of the armament industries which sees them engage in unnecessary build-up of weapons stockpiles but that it is simply their business to produce, to stockpile, produce more deadly variants and stockpile the more deadly variants and sell off their old stockpiles to whomsoever rings their doorbell; for instance the on-going War in Ukraine is no different in this regard to the Viet Cong and NATO Warfare in Vietnam in that massive quantities of cheap munitions were necessary for the war to be fought in the first place and massive quantities of munitions happened to exist as a by-product of the Armaments Industries to be dumped onto the warring parties in order to facilitate their macabre impulses at the expense of the citizenry; both at their cost in terms of the debt taken on to procure the weaponry on the part of their governments and in terms of their lives when the weaponry was utilized to the outcome of massive loss of life of a single peoples within a bordered space – a thing of no value to themselves. Simply put, albeit in a very simplistic reduction to the bare basics: the War would not reached such catastrophic inhuman proportions without massive quantities of cheap Armaments that otherwise sat taking up warehouse space for more valuable Armaments on the part of the producer and seller.

In a perpetual progress in the size and range of great guns, in a vast expansion of battleships that were continually scrapped in favour of larger or more elaborate models, (Armament Firms) found a most important and inexhaustible field of profit. The governments of the world were taken unawares, and in a little while the industry, by sound and accepted methods of salesmanship, was able to impose its novelties upon these ancient institutions with their tradition of implacable mutual antagonism. It was realized very soon that any decay of patriotism and loyalty would be inimical to this great system of profits, and the selling branch of the industry either bought directly or contrived to control most of the great newspapers of the time, and exercised a watchful vigilance on the teaching of belligerence in schools. Following the established rules and usages for a marketing industrialism, and with little thought of any consequences but profits, the directors of these huge concerns built up the new warfare that found its first exposition in the Great War of 1914-18, and gave its last desperate and frightful convulsions in the Polish wars of 1940 and the subsequent decades.

Even at its outset in 1914-18 this new warfare was extraordinarily uncongenial to humanity. It did not even satisfy man's normal combative instincts. What an angry man wants to do is to beat and bash another living being, not to be shot at from ten miles distance or poisoned in a hole. Instead of drinking delight of battle with their peers, men tasted all the indiscriminating terror of an earthquake. The war literature stored at Atacama, to which we have already referred, is full of futile protest against the horror, the unsportsmanlike quality, the casual filthiness and indecency, the mechanical disregard of human dignity of the new tactics. But such protest itself was necessarily futile, because it did not go on to a clear indictment of the forces that were making, sustaining and distorting war. The child howled and wept and they did not even attempt to see what it was had tormented it.

To us nowadays it seems insane that profit-making individuals and companies should have been allowed to manufacture weapons and sell the apparatus of murder to all comers. But to the man of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries it seemed the most natural thing in the world. It had grown up in an entirely logical and necessary way, without any restraint upon the normal marketing methods of peace-time commerce, from the continually more extensive application of new industrial products to warfare. Even after the World War catastrophe, after that complete demonstration of the futility of war, men still allowed themselves to be herded like sheep into the barracks, to be trained to consume, and be consumed, by new lines of slaughter goods produced and marketed by the still active armament traders. And the accumulation of a still greater and still more dangerous mass of war material continued.

The book is, if the reader has likely already gathered from the excerpts, not written in the style of a protagonal narrative; i.e. not as a story, i.e. no hero and no villain, but as a sort of a Historia Augusta – that is really the most fitting comparison I think of when trying to describe this to a new reader (or perhaps J.J. Scarisbrick’s Henry VIII), that is to say it is written ‘as’ a History in the classical style we are familiar with from the better of the ancient writers, as like Appian or Cassius Dio, but unlike Suetonius or Tacitus it is absent of the sloppy hinging of all bad things on the highly personalized propaganda ad hominem (i.e. blame the fall of empire on one guy) that goes in those narrative works as we are typically familiar with them.
It is, of course, a work a fiction; although Wells did predict World War Two beginning in late 1939-1940 (although he had Poland putting up much better and longer of a fight against the Germans) and various other innovations, beginning from his own day with a true account of events prior to his own day – giving us a valuable account of affairs and actors prior to 1933 which would otherwise not come easily to any of us to discover. But the book, ultimately, is vehicle for the transmission and discussion of these societal (i.e. social, economic, industrial, logistic) matters presented to the audience of the day fresh, in their own minds, from the abject horror recently witnessed in World War One – and the economic catastrophes of which Roosevelts reforms had not yet come into tangible reality (i.e. relief for the poor, public works projects such as the motorways across America) as is discussed in that other seemingly little known H.G. Wells literary offering in his face-to-face interview with Josef Stalin the following year in 1934 (something which I think is of far more historical value than say, Nixon and Frost or Prince Andrew and Emily Maitlis), so as to ‘avert’ another crisis and pluck from the ether a seemingly alternate trajectory of where Mankind might at last get its act together. This ‘novel’ (thought it seems strange to call it that) ought be read, I would advise, in conjunction with ‘The Sleeper Awakes’ (1899) and also the (actually very depressing – I would not advise it) short-story prequel ‘A Story Of The Days To Come’ (1897) – set in that same universe – which, perhaps it is because I am English, seems to me to be a black horror show of the reality that we actually find ourselves living in this far into an actually dystopic future – or perhaps yet with the ‘strange windmills’ powering the mega cities that this a future yet to come (no pun intended); the broken speech, the babble machines, the miserable condition of the Working Class and their consumption of pre-packaged soft bread, the desire to flee the urban sprawl into the dilapidated countryside and make a little life in a run-down house with tacky wallpaper peeling away … ah, forgive me, my point is that ‘our condition’; i.e. those of us literate in English, is quite analogous to the condition of the central characters in those two stories; a culture dulled intellectually to the point that they can barely speak or think, being appraised and assayed by ourselves; those of us simply literate, as to render our commentary stuck as to seem as mutually alien as like Caesar in Gaul. However, it is in the context of the frame given to us in ‘The Shape Of Things To Come’ that we might gain a degree of sanity about this self-same situation; to study and lean into that dispassionate quality as to discern the nature of things as they are and recognize how important this quality is in relation to Well’s ultimate outcome for the best possible position of Humankind far far future, that is: that of Humankind’s vital intellectual capacity, and that the most striking message of STC, beyond all we have mentioned in this little overview, is that intellectual capacity in and of itself.
For example, when we consider the ‘actuality’ of the power of Turner or perhaps Zuckerberg in his heyday, for instance, we consider a power fallen into a Mans lap by an accidental stacking of disparate technologies created not by himself but of which possess a power utterly dependent in that same equation upon on a population being ‘witless’ in the first place and so led slavishly by the “babble machines”. However you cut it, reader, the great uplifting of Humankind to a standard of autonomy and intellectual prowess – not held by an elite but possessed by All People – is a thing both intrinsically self-sufficient within our grasp for our own selves and is certainly the prerequisite for political matters in that intellectual capacity of the voting public determines entirely whether a public is tricked or foolish and gets themselves into trouble by undertaking some obvious error or whether they are immune to such trickery and foolishness in the first place and that their energies and time are spent on more valuable pursuits. It seems to me that our contemporary society has done away with the notion of good character through intellect and that we live with the outcome of this; being shepherded by emotional manipulation and brute force because our society at large is treated as if we lacked the verbal and intellectual toolsets to understand anything else – moreover possessing no means to discern whether or not what is forced onto us is right or wrong; truth or lies, and so on. Such a society as this, again it seems plain to me, is ‘any’ dystopia because it is the baseline composition for ‘all’ dystopia; as like the foolish dogma of an out-dated ideology for example rests itself upon a large enough contingent of the public being either treated as if they were or in fact are “too foolish” to discuss or think a thing through, so a dogma is poured over them like concrete creating, in turn, intolerable circumstances as the dogma, tomorrow, becomes out-dated and suddenly instructs them to do foolish things, as like in the “Banality Of Evil” (read: Hannah Arendt) as the character in all serious perpetrators of inhumanity who insist, with a confused expression on their faces, that they were just doing their job – and this ‘quality’, of extreme ignorance, is the composition of the culture where such ‘evil actions’ occur.
I mean here that in STC we have on one hand a very in-depth account, very serious reading, to graduate the reader out of the depressive, atomizing, disempowering, conspiratorial milieu and mire of ‘life’ presented to us in 1984 and Brave New World, but that we have at the same time the very resonant harmonics that one does not need to “wait around for a distant future utopia” to “solve all the problems” but that the tools to do so are well within our grasp at any time we so choose and of which such an undertaking constitutes the foundation stones and tapestries of that future utopia which, I think, could be said to “meet us half-way” in many of these matters, as like we reach forward and they reach back and then those in the past reach forward and we in the present reach back; that is anyway what it is to learn from the past and anyway the answer to “why the Grandfather sews the seeds for trees from whose fruits he will never eat.”
Valete.

ID, IX. MAIORES. V, CAL. IUNI. FORTUNA PRIMIGENIA.

FULL TEXT ON GUTENBERG OF H.G. WELLS ‘THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME’ (1933)
https://preview.redd.it/9l7yl9hx8y3d1.jpg?width=490&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d5a4109fb8e2193b94a6e244d92d4ec5b7b84a7
https://preview.redd.it/37vvsroy8y3d1.jpg?width=740&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e62ef5e11c1c4222d6f99ffebe82b3dd706cbc2f

submitted by genericusername1904 to 2ndStoicSchool [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 13:21 peachgloww Anyone working in Logistics & Shipping company in Gurgaon ?

Can i get a job in logistics company ? I do not have any experience though.
I am a commerce graduate but took a gap of 3 yrs to prepare for administrative servies but couldn’t get through second level. I am well versed with Excel & everything.
Rn i am looking for a job, i am interested in logistics & operations executive roles.
Also anyone working in companies like Maersk, MSC, Cosco, Srp US, Hapag lloyd etc.Is it easy to get job as an unexperienced candidate !?
I just want to start working as its getting difficult though i have applied to tons of jobs but sadly no reply. Really appreciate any kind of help.
TIA

submitted by peachgloww to gurgaon [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 13:18 pkirkland222 Paging George Santos

When George Santos’s lies started coming out, I wondered how people didn’t check basic things like verifying graduation, diplomas, and that sort of thing.
Does anyone know easy ways to verify credentials like this for our current slate of candidates? Maybe this has already been done. After Santos, I don’t want to assume.

submitted by pkirkland222 to NorthCarolina [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 13:06 Direct-Caterpillar77 My (29F) Boyfriend (29M) keeps getting into fights with a cook at Waffle House

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA_wafflehouse
My (29F) Boyfriend (29M) keeps getting into fights with a cook at Waffle House
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Original Post May 11, 2020
I know this sounds really weird, but here it is:
My BF and I have been together for three years. We met and started dating when we were both in graduate school, but I dropped out to go back to college to pursue a different career. We are both finished now, and live together making a fairly nice combined income.
Our income is relevant because we could afford to eat somewhere nice when we're out and about, but he always wants breakfast food. When he was a child his dad couldn't stand eating breakfast-type food in the afternoon or evenings, so his mom would make him waffles/pancakes, eggs, and bacon in the evening whenever his dad was busy or out of town. It's a wonderful and safe memory for him, and when he goes to his "happy place," he says that's where he always goes.
My BF is an incredibly nice and caring person. He's emotionally tuned in to everyone and recognizes arising issues a long time before they occur. He loves animals, and is kind and gentle with every bug, bird, and pet that he comes across. He's almost always willing to turn the other cheek in social situations where somebody tries to insult him or get aggressive towards him, and usually winds up defusing the situation and having a productive discussion about whatever the issue was. Except at Waffle House.
Anytime we're out he wants to go to the same goddamn Waffle House and get breakfast food. I'm not a big eater, so I used to not really care. I would just drink coffee and read my book while he enjoyed his food. But that became impossible once he and this one cook started chirping at each other every time we went there. BF complained about his eggs one time, because he likes them a little runny and they were served hard. The cook responded by giving him scrambled eggs. When he brought it up again the cook served him two hardboiled eggs. I think it was just part of the cook's schtick, and it was kind of funny tbh, but my BF wasn't able to laugh it off. When we left he was in kind of a bad mood, but we didn't really talk about it.
The next week we were out getting some shopping done, and he wanted to go to Waffle House again. I suggested that we try out a different place, or at least a different Waffle House location, but he only wanted the same Waffle House. We went in and sat down, and once again the same cook served his eggs wrong. My BF sort of snapped at him that he wasn't interested in messing around, and just wanted the correct eggs. The cook then served him a piece of toast with a hole cut out in the middle with a fried egg in it. My BF got really mad and threw the egg toast at the cook, which made the cook come around from behind the bar and throw it back at him. They ended up sort of wrestling/fighting until my BF was like "this is bullshit" and walked out. Nobody got hurt, but the few other people in there were watching and laughing a bit.
This is the crazy part: my BF keeps going back and ordering eggs and getting into fistfights with the same cook. It's almost a ritual at this point. My BF orders runny eggs, the cook serves him some other version of eggs, and then they beat the shit out of each other. I quit going with him after the second fight, but he kept going by himself. They're like Peter and the giant chicken from Family Guy, it's the weirdest thing. They've physically fought like 6 or 7 times over this.
I've tried to talk to him about it a few times, but he keeps saying it's a matter of principle. I've told him to talk to the manager or something like that, but he just waves me off. Apparently that cook hasn't yet made him the correct runny eggs, but it's like he spends the week learning new ways of preparing eggs to piss my boyfriend off.
The thing is, we're getting married this summer. He's accepted a job in a new city and it'll be easy for me to find work after the wedding, so we'll be moving away from his sworn enemy waffle house guy. He hasn't really been out since quarantine started, but it wouldn't surprise me if that's the first place he goes when restaurants open back up for sitting customers. But my main worry is this strange vindictive side of him I've never seen before that leads him to fight the same guy every week. The violence itself is an issue for me, but the obsession over it almost bothers me more.
Should I be worried that this side of him will come up later in our marriage? How do I get him to open up about this? Is this type of obsession a choice, or is it indicative of something deeper?
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST

submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofNoUpdates [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 12:25 yoohooSteak Aged care nursing

Hi everyone, I am a registered nurse in Australia, I have been 'stuck ' in aged care ever since graduation as I didn't get to secure a graduate position in a hospital and aged care was easy to get in but difficult to get out of. It's been 3 years since and it seems no hospital would want to hire an aged care nurse as they require at least a year of hospital experience. I have been applying everywhere but nothing works. I feel a little deflated. I still like what I am doing currently, but I would like to try more things, especially aiming for oncology. I wonder what can I do to get out of it? Can't get experience without experience. Thank you in advance for all inputs.

submitted by yoohooSteak to nursing [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 10:14 gae_LA My 24F boyfriend 25M has been very mean to me since losing a parent. What do I do?

My partner of four years recently (less than 4 months ago) lost his mom.
They were terminal for a long time (about a year) and during this whole time things between us were not good. We fought constantly. Issues that came up before his mom got sick kept coming up but would become catastrophic. His patience was non existent and that kind man that never said a mean word to me all but disappeared. In his place came a person that called me vile, evil, manipulative, a horrible person, disgusting and other things. Once he even said that I deserved to feel this way when I started crying. Albeit, those examples are the worst things he’s ever said to me.
Some other things that have happened:

We had a bad bad fight where he told me he’s sick of me and sick of feeling like he’s a better person than I am… this was on my birthday.
He also didn’t get me an anniversary gift last year or plan anything which I tried really hard to be understanding about. I didn’t make it a big deal or anything but I did mention that i was hurt that he never even addressed it. Especially since I went all out for our anniversary. It was very thoughtful and he cried.

I’m not saying I’ve been perfect. I’ve been also not great. I definitely am way too sensitive and take it personally when he’s in a bad mood. I can also get frustrated easy but one thing I do not do is insult him. And honestly I’ve been there. I’d cook and bring groceries for him and his family. I’d do hospital visits despite being terrified of blood and needles ( I actually fainted once visiting his mom). When he and his dad were at work sometimes I’d just come hang out with her. I was around his mom more and did more this past year than his literal older brother. But it doesn’t seem to matter when we get into the fighting cycle. It’s gotten to the point where I tell him very little about myself. I deal with a lot on my own cause I don’t feel like he’s a person I can be vulnerable with. I had a hard year too. I struggled a lot with my body image and eating. I lost >40 pounds and became underweight. Coincidentally I had an incident where my graduate supervisor sendt me an inappropriate photo months before I finished my masters.
Shockingly I actually think things have gotten a little better since his mom passed away but his mean streak is still there. I’m just not sure what to do or how to support him. He’s always really remorseful and promises to stop being so mean after but it’s still happening. I also recently moved to a new city where I don’t know anyone and feel very lonely so it’s hard to add fighting with him. I always feel like the worst person in the world afterwards too cause I’m fighting with someone who just lost their mom :( I’m sure there’s someone out there that would be perfect for him and they would never fight and I feel so guilty cause he deserves that.
He is an amazing person and I love him so much I just don’t know how to improve things. I can tell I’m starting to get resentful and bitter :(
TLDR: my 4 year relationship has been really strained since my boyfriends mom got terminally sick. His grief has made him really mean and I’m starting to become resentful. I love him soooo much I just don’t know to fix things.

submitted by gae_LA to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 09:11 OrdinaryAsk1 Graduated hs but I don't feel any sense of accomplishment

People like my family have been congratulating me for graduating high school and getting my diploma, but I don't feel that special, since literally 99% percent of people have a diploma too, making mine common and nothing crazy to be amazed about. Because of this, the upcoming graduation ceremony doesnt excite me or anything and I just feel normal, am i supposed to be feeling this way? high school to me was relatively easy, I just sat and watched youtube half the time and still got all As, so I don't feel like I worked super duper hard for 4 years

submitted by OrdinaryAsk1 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 07:56 Frame_Late Unburdened: A Job Gone Wrong.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following two brain scans were provided by the Neuro-Warfare branch of the Halcyon Security Division (HSD) for the purpose of analyzing the thoughts, behaviors, and information of notorious gangsters Vincent 'Troy' Cohen and Bruno (Deadname: ~~Koraak Tel-Char~~). At the point of the recording of this archival shared, Bruno has since received his rebirth therapy, and Vincent is currently serving a long-term rehabilitative and reeducative sentence in the Erebus Supermax Prison on Io.
Warning: the contents of this archival shared may be especially disturbing to some audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.
Warning: the contents of this archival shard are for the sole purpose of analyzing the thought patterns and memories of certain degenerate criminals in an effort to ascertain vital information that can be used to eliminate their organizations. Only staff with clearance level Omega may view this archival shared, and the viewership of this archival shared by anyone of inadequate clearance level will lead to twenty years in prison and a fine of over a hundred thousand credits.
Booting up memory scan: Vincent 'Troy' Cohen, November 4th, 2446…
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning archival shard presentation…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Do you have visuals of the target, Troy?"
I knelt down in the alleyway, the bodies of me and my partners shrouded in long, waterproof, ashen-gray overcoats the shade of dirty street scum that we wore to ward off the constant heavy rainfall the color of osmium. Our faces were covered in a mix of scrapped respirators, visors, or full metal face masks carved with intricate designs to hide our identities. On our waists were our badges of honor: leather belts studded with interlocked rivets made from blackened titanium, each buckle forged of silver and shaped into the head of our gang's symbol, the black mamba. We hid amongst the shadows of the dark midday of Halcyon City, the heavy, oppressive rains blanketing the roads paved obsidian-black with asphalt and weathered concrete walkways. The street lamps were always on, like beacons of false hope in a storm of melancholy.
The city was dark and dreary as always, the planet of Proxima Centauri B, renamed Dawn's Lamentation over a century ago, orbited the red dwarf star of Proxima Centauri, and the atmosphere was thick with natural smog and ever-storming rain clouds. That didn't dissuade people from living here: there was plenty of money to be had for shrewd industrialists and hardworking pioneers, even in the urban sprawl. But that life also came with risks, especially for those on the bottom of the totem pole.
I was a ganger, and we were criminals; full stop. I won't assault you with some spiel about how we're the good guys fighting oppression because, at the end of the day, we could be just as bad, if not worse, than Halcyon's Security Division, or the HSD for short. We were traffickers, killers, extortionists, and money launderers. We dealt with everything from stolen tech and military-grade hardware to hard drugs and sentients.
Yes, sentients. We trafficked sentients, but not in the way you might think. They weren't prisoners, in fact, we were their saviors if they had the cash. We had developed a reputation for fighting the power, but it was still business: sure, freeing captives from the clutches of the Protectorate. The disruption of its many oppressive organizations held a certain satisfaction in my heart for sure, but we didn't help those who couldn't pay unless someone else paid on their behalf. It was about making sure me and my gang, my family, could live a decent life for another day.
It helped that most of us joined after leaving the state yard for partaking in acts of 'degeneracy' and 'anti-xenopet illegalities' as if those terms meant anything anymore other than that we were a threat to the local status quo. It was hard to pick up a job as a former inmate when even in something as harsh and backbreaking as a job in the iridium mines near the poles when the employment office had you blacklisted as a degenerate, which lead to the formation of many of the gangs: we needed to make a living somehow, and when all social programs were cut off from you unless you submitted for 're-education' and the only way to put food on the table was subverting, breaking, or even downright fighting the law, you did what you had to do or you died on the streets a scorned beggar.
It wasn't like the HSD made it easy for us on even a good day: the local HSD units were armed to the teeth with advanced, military-grade hardware that you'd often see on the front lines of the Second Authority War: armored assault transports, a myriad of advanced war droids, all sorts of chemical countermeasures that made tear gas seem like putting the garden hose on mist mode, and of course advanced firearms. Add that to the fact that they were authorized to use deadly force when they deemed it necessary and you had a ruthless, heartless, and nearly unstoppable enemy. But we could make that work: we weren't trying to stop them, just to withstand them.
"Yeah, I got eyes on the prize, Koraak; seven armored transports, two for droids, five for prisoners."
Today wasn't a day for a normal job: we were getting bolder, cockier, more ambitious. Our numbers had swelled for the last few years after the raid at Barnard's Star and the fall of the Blood Dragon Mafia. Their leader, Saito Yasuhide, had committed seppuku as their manor burned, and his twin sons had gone down fighting rather than allowing themselves to be captured simply to face a firing squad. In the aftermath, many of the family's associates had fled to the surrounding systems, and with the sheer size and scope of the criminal underworld found here, it was no wonder that many people who had developed skills of the less legal variety had decided to form ranks with the gangs, and with them they brought guns, tech, knowledge, contacts, and even something that we thought wasn't possible beforehand: a semblance of peace between the gangs, or at least the closest thing to peace that gangs could cultivate effectively. With the fall of the Blood Dragons, we saw the writing on the wall, and the writing couldn't have been clearer: work together or die together.
"Sounds like a massacre, Troy: are you sure we can handle seven?"
"We ain't got no choice, Cinder: this job's double the usual rate, and that's not including the weapons and gear we could scrounge if this goes well," I hissed, my eyes scanning for any resistance. There were at least four guards for each van, not to mention at least eight droids in total, meaning that we were already outnumbered, but we had the element of surprise: we could make it work. "So put your balls in your purse and get ready to spill some blood."
Koraak snorted at our antics, which sounded like someone pulling the ripcord on a lawnmower. He was a veteran Russu Corsair, and while his past of slaving, raiding, and killing was unsavory, so were the lives we'd lived, so who were we to judge? All we cared about was that he was a brutal and capable fighter and a loyal brother in arms. It turned out that being a ganger wasn't much different from being a Corsair: you lived and died by a code of honor, you fought to the death for your brothers, and you lived to die for the sake of your gang and your family, simple as that. In a strange, ironic way, it was an incredibly honest way of life: we were under no illusions as to what we were, what we did, and why we did it, and we'd long since accepted it. The Russu related to us in that aspect, in many ways I could respect, which is why I hated what the Protectorate was doing, and why I couldn't grasp how most of humanity could just collectively lose their marbles so long ago. What had happened for us to deem all other life below us in such a demeaning and infantilizing way?
The Russu were a race of tall, muscle-bound Saurians with avian features, and Koraak was no exception: reaching almost seven feet in height and weighing over four hundred and fifty pounds, he could be an absolute menace if he so desired. His skin was covered in stubby, knobby scales and dense plumage, with elegant feathers adorning the ridges along his back as well as his forearms, elbows, knees, and the crests on his head. He almost looked like how paleontologists described velociraptors, with razor-sharp talons, feathers shaded in vibrant greens, reds, and purples, and a maw full of sharp teeth, but at the tip of his snout was a sharp, beak-like growth meant for ripping flesh off the bone.
The Russu were strange as hell, but they also looked almost cute in the same way a fully grown alligator was cute: they were obviously dangerous, but humans would always have this innate desire to anthropomorphize them and to pet them for some inexplicable reason, although common sense usually prevented that, at least amongst the very few of us left that were sane.
"Shut up, Troy! All I'm saying is that that'll be rough, and you know it," hissed Cinder. Cinder was a tall black man whose coffee-colored skin was covered in tattoos. He wore an ebony mechanic's jumpsuit with metal inserts underneath his grimy overcoat covering his body and a faded black respirator on his face. His eyes were a startling blue that seemed sorely out of place, and his hair was braided into thick cornrows along his scalp. He wore a pair of heavy black combat boots and palmed his compact shotgun in his hands, the square barrel less than seven inches. Like a lot of the weapons the Black Mambas carried on their persons and dealt in, they fired caseless ammunition; in Cinder's case it was 16x40mm caseless shotshells filled with depleted uranium micro-flechetes no thicker than a toothpick. Cinder nervously fiddled with the detachable tube magazine underneath the barrel, his hands shaking. Despite the shit I have him, I didn't blame him for being anxious: I was anxious too, even if I refused to show it. The biting cold of unease and pessimism was in my stomach, and I ran all the way that this job could go wrong in my head over and over.
"Just hold yourself together, this ain't anything we haven't done before, there's just more of it," I reassured Cinder, "besides, we're not alone; we have reinforcements across the street. We'll make it out of this alive."
Cinder nodded almost absentmindedly, his eyes downcast and his breathing shallow. I turned from him and back to Koraak, who was making sure he had everything on his person; he had a synthetic leather bandoleer across his chest that contained the heavy eight guage depleted uranium slugs he kept loading and unloading into his much larger, longer, and more traditional shotgun he nicknamed ‘carnage’ and several leather straps that held his Tu'shan daggers: traditional Russu pyramidal blades forged from a silvery alloy with all three edges serrated and the tip barbed to leave behind horrible, gaping wounds that gushed blood. They were wickedly sharp and absolutely straight like a stiletto, and the hilts and pommels were beautifully decorated. He wore no clothes underneath his overcoat to cover the countless scars and blemishes he's earned in combat across his chest and abdomen, and instead of a normal respirator or visor, he simply wore a hood over his head and some traditional Russu facial armor to protect his mouth, eyes, and cheeks.
"You ready to fight, Koraak? The caravan will pick up and leave soon."
Koraak was silent for a moment before nodding, a human gesture he had picked up after serving as a soldier with the Black Mambas for years. "I'm always ready to fight," he said before lifting up his shotgun and aiming down the sights at the reinforced front wheels of the first armored car in the caravan. He exhaled and fired, the slug ripping through both front tires and causing them to deflate and fall apart. The echo of the shot rang through the alleyway and the street, causing pedestrians to panic and flee the scene as heavily armored guards poured out of the side doors of the armored cars and unholstered their carbines.
"Go, now!" I shouted, and both me and Cinder rushed out into the fray, our guns raised. Koraak was right behind the two of us, providing covering fire with his shotgun. Several guards fell quickly, Koraak's precise fire and the sheer force of the depleted uranium slugs putting them down for good as their heads were vaporized or their chest cavities were turned to mush. He emptied the tube with one final shot that painted the grey matter of a security guard on the door of one of the armored cars, then racked the shotgun and expertly loaded it in threes, his hands deft and agile as he reached for more slugs faster than any human.
With the cacophony of our initial assault, more Black Mambas poured out from the alleyways and the subways, armed to the teeth with all manner of weapons; shotguns, submachine guns, pistols, machetes, baseball bats, and all manner of homemade explosives. Molotovs and more potent concoctions shattered against the asphalt, herding in the caravan guards with their volatile contents as they were quickly gunned down. The assault was working, and we were winning.
Then I heard the robotic whine of a combat droid activating, and my heart sank. One of the armored cars in the back activated the four combat droids it held, the robotic assault units detaching from their charging ports on the sides of the large van and began to form up, each armed with a terrifying array of deadly weapons meant to quash any and all resistance. They were blocky, soulless, utilitarian things that stood at eight feet tall, with flat feet meant for stomping and blades, grasping claws designed to lacerate flesh and shatter bone. On each shoulder was a weapon: on the left was a multi-barrel rotary grenade launcher loaded with 15mm concussion grenades, and on the right was a burst-fire splinter cannon. They were all painted a dull grayish-green, the color of Halcyon's Security Division, although some had a few decorations on them: the one closest to me had a bit of graffiti on the side that said Mr. Hugs in Comic Sans, which I couldn't decide whether that made it more or less terrifying. They split up without hesitation and began to scan the chaotic battlefield, their single, red, beady lenses the security forces had the gall to call eyes focusing on specific targets to eliminate.
An entire group of Black Mambas was torn to pieces by a cloud of flechettes as one of the droids fired a withering three-round burst of shotshells from the four gauge splinter cannon mounted on its shoulder. Another picked up a Black Mamba in its hand and crushed her skull effortlessly before tossing her limp body to the side, its single, red, remorseless robotic eye tracking a new target. Most bullets that struck their thick armored chassis simply bounced off, and those that could pierce the armor didn't seem to phase the droids whatsoever, merely notifying them of a new potential target.
"Damnit," I shouted as I gunned down another guard only for two more to take his place. "Cinder! We gotta pop open the cars and scram! Get the maglock cutters!"
Cinder rushed and slid over through a dirty puddle, pulling out a maglock cutter from the inside of his coat and slipping it onto the back door of the first van. It immediately went to work, drilling through the maglock with a high-powered plasma torch nozzle, and within ten seconds we heard the telltale clunk of the maglock separating. I yanked the door open and ordered I side, ready to escort the prisoners out… only for my face to contort in shock and horror.
The back was empty. There was not a single soul inside of the back brig of the armored car.
"What the fuck…" Cinder gasped, his eyes wide with shock. "What the actual fuck… what the fuck is this, Troy?"
"I… I don't…" I stuttered the sounds of battle and carnage drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in my ears. All five cars were supposed to be filled with recently captured Russu from the front lines ready to be housed in the local Xenopet-Megaplex for processing and conditioning. The fact that this one was empty…
Suddenly, it all hit me at once with the force of a freight train, but it was too late. "We were set up, Cinder; our fucking client either squealed or was crooked to begin with…"
"Fucking bitch!" Cinder shouted as he spun around in an enraged arch, anger growing in his eyes. He aimed his shotgun at an approaching security guard and reduced his upper body to a fine red mist with a cacophony of shotgun blasts. "We gotta get everyone who's left out of here! Do you know what this means? The Jurors will be here soon, and then we're all going down! We gotta go, fuck the job!"
I grit my teeth. Not the Jurors, anything but the Jurors.
"Fine, gather everyone who's left and we'll slip through the sewers, the droids are too bulky to follow us there…"
As I spoke, my eyes wandered to the seventh and final armored car, the second of the droid cars, and my blood froze. Not only were all four ports empty, but they were also smaller and more shallow than the ports for the combat droids. That could only mean one thing.
"Oh fuck! Cinder, we gotta get our Russu members out of here! They've got arachnid droids!"
Arachnid droids were the stuff of nightmares. Resembling blocky, robotic arachnids the size of a manhole cover, they were specifically designed to take down sentient aliens, specifically the Russu, using sickeningly non-lethal means. They were equipped with full-body adaptive cloaking to blend in with their environments, paralytic agents that they could inject into their victims, built-in taser barbs, psychedelic gas ports for crowd-control, and a narrow-coned cacophony canon that disabled the Russu using incredibly high-pitched sounds that only they could hear, forcing them onto their knees and clutching the backs of their heads where their auditory organs were stored in agony. But worst of all was their stygian spinnerets: special ports near the end of their robotic abdomens that excreted a viscous, latex-like substance made up of millions of nano-bots. This substance could be used to render Russu blind, deaf, and mute by having it forced onto their faces, the black substance growing and enveloping their heads and working its way into every orifice. It was completely permeable to the standard atmosphere, but any Russu who had been 'webbed' was completely helpless and essentially captured, and the 'webbing' was both nearly indestructible and nigh impossible to remove without a triple-encrypted override key that was found in every arachnid droid's code, which was corrupted when the droid was destroyed or hacked into. Once you were 'webbed', you were essentially captured and the standard protocol was to leave you to the wolves since the nano-bots could be tracked, endangering the entire gang.
I turned just as I heard the deafening sound of Koraak discharging his shotgun, and I saw him squaring off against one of the assault droids. The droid has obviously been programmed to not use lethal force against Russu if possible, as instead of simply killing Koraak with it's shoulder-mounted splinter cannon, it approached with its claws extended, blades retracted. Koraak continued to back away and fire, pumping the droid full of depleted uranium slugs, its armor crumbling inward as the slugs pierced its chassis and damaged its internal cyberstructure. Eventually, Koraak ran out of slugs and instinctively reached to his bandoleer only to find that he had no more shells left at all, and he drew one of his knives and his sidearm, a simple high-caliber handgun. He tried to take down the droid with his handgun, but the bullets didn't even seem to affect the droid upon penetration, it's claws still extended as it attempted to apprehend Koraak.
In the corner of my vision, as I watched Koraak battle with the droid, I noticed a faint shimmer in the air on one of the black streetlight poles that was right behind him. I focused on it and blinked, believing my eyes had deceived me for a moment before realizing that it was actually a cloaked arachnid droid stalking Korvaak, ready to pounce and incapacitate him.
Before I could shout, it leaped from the pole and landed on Korvaak, causing him to shout in surprise while it began to coagulate its horrifying stygian webbing to disable Korvaak. Korvaak tried to wrestle it off of him, but the droid was agile and fast, clinging onto Korvaak and skittering around across his upper body as he attempted to grab it, forcibly wrapping the sticky black liquid across his face as he gagged like a spider wrapping up a fly. I rushed towards him to try and help, but I felt pain explode in my ribs as I was struck with the arm of the closest combat droid and launched into the chassis of a parked car, the metal denting from the sheer force of impact. I groaned in pain as I saw stars and my head spun, and just then I felt a blinding light be cast over me.
“Drop your weapons and kneel with your hands on your head, or you will be pacified with deadly force!” Shouted a loud, artificially deepened voice from above. “I repeat, drop your weapons and kneel with your hands on your head! Neither hostility nor hesitation will be tolerated!”
It was the Jurors, I could feel the air being pushed around from the thrusters on their drop ships, and I could hear screams and shouts as my fellow Black Mambas were quickly gunned down. I couldn’t see well since I was seeing double, but I could hear the slaughter as my eyes dimmed and I began to lose consciousness, my regrets crawling up my throat like vomit.
I’m sorry was all I could think as everything finally went dark, and the sounds of chaos, destruction, and combat faded away.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Memory halted due to loss of consciousness. Booting next available memory in shard…
Booting up memory scan: Koraak Tel-Char Bruno, November 5th, 2446…
Loading and processing firmware data… translating… memories and subconscious simulated…
Beginning archival shard presentation…
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Good morning, sleepyhead; it’s time for breakfast.”
My eyes shot open. I was not in the street anymore, nor was I home in my bed with my mate. I knew instantly that something was horribly wrong. I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t gain the leverage to do so: my ankles had been shackled together with magnetic cuffs and my arms were forced together in front of me.
I was wearing some kind of thick shirt. It was warm, fluffy, and comfortable on the inside, but it still made me incredibly uncomfortable that my arms didn’t have a free range of motion. I looked down to see that I was wearing some human garment I had heard about before, a straightjacket maybe?
The entire room was padded: the walls, the floor, even the ceiling. There was no bed or furniture; the floor was soft enough to serve as a bed in itself. There was nothing else except for the soft reddish-orange lights on the ceiling that somehow made me sleepy. I blinked slowly for a moment, my body screaming at me to just lay back down and lose consciousness, but I couldn’t do that: I needed to figure out where I was and how to escape.
Then I noticed who was speaking to me: it was a short human female, with crow's feet around her blue eyes, blonde hair braided down her back, and freckles all over her face. She had a soft smile on her lips, and her forehead was slightly crinkled. She wore a full-body white lab suit with a white overcoat and a pair of glasses for snugly on her face.
"There we go, now I can see those pretty eyes, such a beautiful shade of teal," she cooed softly, "You're such a handsome boy, even with all those scars: I'm sure you'll be adopted very quickly once we get you fixed up."
Fear gripped my heart as I began to piece all the evidence together. I had been captured; I was no longer on Halcyon, and instead, I was in one of the horrific space-born facilities I had heard so much about from the inside agents. I started to hyperventilate and squawk like a newborn hatchling, my eyes dilating in panic. This couldn't be happening! This has to be a nightmare!
The human woman merely wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into an embrace, cradling my head under her chin and speaking softly. I couldn't bite at her or claw at her: I was muzzled and wearing a straight jacket, so I had no choice but to allow her to coddle me.
"It's okay, sweetheart: I understand you're scared, but Julie's here to make all the pain and bad thoughts go away," she said as if she was comforting a child, which made anger blossom in my chest indignantly. "I'll be your caretaker for the next few months, and I'm going to make sure you're healthy, happy, and most importantly safe while you're under our care. I'm sorry to say that includes your restraints and restrictive clothing, but we have to make sure you aren't a threat to yourself or others before we can determine if it's a good idea to remove you from suicide watch."
I growled under my muzzle. Suicide watch? They must have had a lot of instances of Russu taking their own lives after being captured, something I wished I had been able to do before that damnable droid launched itself onto me and…
I shuddered at the thought of the black, viscous substance forcing itself into my nostrils and down my throat and windpipe, gagging me and rendering me completely helpless. It was so cold, so harsh, like slime, and when I had tried to tear it off of my face it merely attached itself to my claws and bound my talons together. I remember squirming on the ground as it enveloped me, unable to see, hear, or speak, and then everything went dark in an instant. It was the most horrible thing I had ever experienced, which was saying something.
"You alright, sweetheart? Oh, I know, you're probably hungry! Here, try some of this." She held up a piece of what looked like raw bacon and wiggled it in front of me before reaching out to remove my muzzle. In an instant, I attempted to snap at her only for pain to blossom in my forehead and my eyes to roll up in my head as I convulsed. It was like something was attempting to drill through my skull from the inside, and every breath felt empty and labored.
"Now, that didn't feel very nice, did it? This is why we have countermeasures in place because we can't trust you yet, sweetheart! Don't worry, we'll work on breaking you of all those bad behaviors and habits while you're here; after all, a well-trained pet is a happy pet!" She began to stroke the crests on my head as I slowly recovered, and she snugly fit the muzzle back onto my snout. "But I won't hold it against you this time, sweetheart; you're just scared and confused, but I'll make all the pain go away."
I struggled in the straight jacket, trying my best to break out of it, but it was no use. Eventually, I became exhausted and despondent, allowing my new caretaker to have her way with me as she gently ran her fingers through my feathers and along my ridges, quietly speaking to me in a hopeless attempt to cheer me up. She seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being, which concerned me even further: who could be this naturally twisted while attempting to be as benevolent and kindhearted as possible?
I felt the pain and terror build up in my chest, the anxiety from what horrific activities I imagined they had planned for me here. I couldn't take the infantilization, the lack of any autonomy, the dehumanization, and what I feared the most was if the rumors of 'rebirth' were true: would they take my personhood from me?
Suddenly, I felt her whisper to me. "Don't worry sweetheart, I know you're so scared and confused, but I promise you everything will be okay: it's going to be your birthday soon, and then everything will get better." She ran her fingers through the feathers along my crest lovingly. "It will be such a wonderful day, and then we'll choose for you the most wonderful family, and you'll spend the rest of your life happy in your forever home! Doesn't all of that sound wonderful?"
I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to lose myself, not like this, not to these monsters!
"It'll be your birthday soon," she said wistfully as if she was remembering similar events to this in the past like I wasn't the first she'd done this too, "and you'll never be sad again."
I realized that I wasn't the first the stay in this particular cell, and I knew for certain that I wouldn't be the last: I'd end up like my brother, a broken, erased mess of a pathetic creature, reduced to nothing more than a pet for these humans to amuse themselves with.
"We took the liberty of picking out a nice name for you, sweetheart! Now, let me just slip this little programming chip into the port slot on your occipital bone, and... there we go! It will also help you calm down a bit and adjust."
I felt the chip begin to invade my mind, suppressing my thoughts. What made me me was slowly being ripped out of my mind. ~~I couldn't remember my name~~ my name is Bruno, and ~~I needed to get out! I can't let them do this to me! Somebody help me!~~ I was a good boy.
##Do not think. You are a good boy.##
I tried to scream, but my voice wouldn't work: I had trouble forming any words at all, the confusion clouding my mind like wet, slimy eels curling around my brain and sinking their teeth into its folds like needles. I couldn’t scream any longer, because I had nothing left: the chip was slowly beginning to take everything from me, robbing me of my identity and branding a new one into my psyche with a white-hot iron. Julie simply held me close, attempting to reassure me as I awaited the inevitable demise of my personhood. Soon I would be just like my brother: erased. My mind would be shaped into the mind of a loyal plaything, like a Dog.
##Relax. Allow caretaker [Julie] to comfort you. You will let go of your burden.##
Soon, everything was a blur. I quickly found myself resting my head in her lap as she whispered to me and fed me, my eyes bleary and my head fuzzy. ~~I couldn't remember my name anymore~~ My name was Bruno, and I needed to ~~break free from this trance~~ relax, and allow her to help me; good boys didn't resist help.
##Good Boy. Do not think. You are a good boy.##
You can't... I...
##Good boy.##
I wouldn't… good boys don't… I…
##Good boy##
I was a good boy… I was a good boy…
I was… I was… a good… boy…
~~Someone help me, please! I don't want to be erased!~~
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following script is from episode #343 of Halcyon After Dark, a popular late-night and current events talk show hosted by Melinda Carter. This specific episode was sponsored in part by the Halcyon Security Division, with Director Lochlin O'Brien joining as a guest star to talk about the changing crime statistics in Halcyon City and the HSD's recent successes in busting organized crime as well as their plans for addressing the growing criminal underworld.
MC: Good evening Halcyon! I'm your host, Melinda Carter, and you're watching Halcyon's most popular late-night talk show, Halcyon After Dark!
The crowd claps and cheers as Melinda walks on stage and sits behind her desk, her glittering red dress waving as she does so from the special effects.
MC: Tonight we have a very special guest here to tell us about the state of crime in the city and his plans on resolving it: please put your hands together for the HSD's very own Director, Lochlin O'Brien!
The crowd cheers some more as HSD Director Lochlan O'Brien, a tall, muscular, caucasian male in his early forties with red hair and a well-trimmed beard steps into the room, waving at the crowd with a bright smile. He sits in the armchair angled next to Melinda's desk and gives her his full attention.
MC: It's so good to have you on the show, Director! Tell me, how are you doing on this fine evening?
LO: I'm doing excellent, Melinda: every day I wake up feeling fulfilled knowing I'm serving Halcyon to the best of my abilities and then some."
MC: That's the spirit, Director! Now, I know this question is just on everyone's lips, so I have to ask: how successful was the recent gang bust? I heard HSD forces took out dozens of gang members and liberated at least a dozen Russu Hounds from their abusive clutches, but I know that everyone in the audience and at home wants to know the numbers.
LO: I'd be glad to tell you, but I do have to preface this by saying that we still lost a lot of good officers that day, and while we did strike a crippling blow to one of Halcyon's biggest gangs, it doesn't change the fact that each death is a tragedy, and we're taking steps to prevent them in the future. That being said, those valiant officers did not sacrifice themselves in vain: we had over a dozen confirmed kills and several arrests, including the rescue of several corrupted Russu hounds.
MC: That's excellent, Director: proof that even when the number of degenerates and scum grow by the day, the HSD will always be here to keep the citizens of Halcyon safe.
LO: Absolutely, Melinda, and we're always working tirelessly to increase the efficiency and effectiveness of our units, as well as racing to stay several steps ahead of the many gangs of Halcyon at all times. My newest goal as Director is to vastly increase the funding given to our Robotics Department and our Neuro-Warfare Department to potentially reduce the number of casualties we may experience in the future, as well as to quickly and effectively detain, and if necessary, eliminate criminals. Within the next decade, I want to double the number of automated units each Security Platoon is assigned: droids are the future of public safety as well as countless other industries, and it would be foolish to be left behind.
MC: That is quite a lofty goal, Director: what about the displaced jobs from the increased automation? What will the union say?
LO: And to that, I say: what misplaced jobs? We aren't replacing our honored and beloved service members with droids, Melinda, we are simply supplementing our units with more droids to ensure that future gang assaults end with fewer HSD casualties and more gang members in prison or eliminated, simple as that.
MC: That makes much more sense, Director, thanks for clarifying. Now, I have one more question that I'm sure much of Halcyon wants to know the answer to before we take a short break: what plans do you and your fellow directors have to make long-term progress in reducing crime beyond just increasing funding? Have you proposed any plans to strike at the source of where crime and degeneracy flourish?
OL: That's an excellent question, and one I am proud to answer: my constituents and I have been working tirelessly on a two-step plan to greatly reduce crime levels in Halcyon. Step one would be to prevent people from becoming criminals and degenerates at all in the first place: a lot of young men and women, but especially young men, have lost either one or both parents or even a sibling, aunt or uncle, or even a close friend by the brutality of the Second Authority War, and while the service of their lost loved ones will always be recognized and honored, many of these young men and women are left bitter, angry and lost without the guidance these people give them in their lives. Oftentimes they seek to fill that void with others who claim to relate to them: career criminals. These criminals will fill their heads with lies and false narratives to make them feel like they're fighting back against the 'evil protectorate government' that took their loved ones from them by sending them off to war when in reality it was the rogue Xenopets of the Triarchy that took them away by resisting their just and inevitable unburdening.
In response, I have proposed a slew of special programs that will make sure local law enforcement and HSD officers are present and contributing to their local community, and we'll be providing easy and light job openings for youngsters and teens looking to make a career for themselves in the force when they grow up. We want to let these lost souls know that there are people who care about them, people who understand them and that you shouldn't turn to degeneracy to feel fulfilled. We want to help the youth of our great society soar to new heights!
MC: That sounds like a wonderful beginning to your plan, Director, but what about the second step?
LO: Well, the second step is to prevent criminals and degenerates from becoming repeat criminals. Sure, they've made their mistakes, some worse than others, but they're only human like the rest of us. Some of them have been through hell: some are traumatized veterans who don't know how to adapt to normal life, others were recruited when they were young and don't know that there's a better way to live, and even more are mentally ill. We're alone in this galaxy, and we can't leave so many people behind. That's why we've come up with an excellent solution: we've set up isolated communities on distant moons and frontier planets where these criminals can be reeducated, rehabilitated, and allowed to repay their debt to society. When they're deemed 'reformed' and have graduated from our program, they'll be granted a hefty stipend and their criminal record will be deemed irrelevant, allowing them to reintegrate and become functioning members of our proud society.
MC: all of these sound like incredible steps forward in the fight to better our society and make real progress, Director. Sadly, we do have to step away for a moment, but you best believe I'll be back, Halcyon, and we'll be asking the Director here some burning questions about allegations over the quality of life Erubus Supermax! Now, a word from our sponsors!
Halcyon Xenopet-Megaplex! Everything your xenopet could ever need in one place! Adoption is now free-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good, you’re still alive! The rest of this shard appears to be corrupted, which means this particular trail seems to have run cold here, but do not despair; you need to keep searching. Find out what happened. Find the truth.I cannot guide you any longer: they've already found me, and if I remain in contact with you they'll find you as well. Take the archival database, and see what you can piece together. Maybe if we discover what truly happened we can put an end to this madness once and for all. I'm counting on you. Don't cry for me, I don't fear death, but I fear what they'll do to me to get to you: there are far worse fates than death, after all.

submitted by Frame_Late to libraryofshadows [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 07:29 TheNclexPub Dear New Graduates

Dear New Graduates,
Congratulations on successfully completing the rigorous nursing classes and exams! Your hard work and dedication have brought you this far, and you are now ready to embark on your nursing career. As you prepare for the NCLEX, I want to leave you with a few important reminders:

Do Not Compare Yourself to Your Peers
Study and Practice Questions Daily: Consistent practice is key to reinforcing your knowledge and building confidence.
Just because a peer did not pass does not mean you will fail. Stay positive and focused on your preparation.
You can pass with any number of questions, whether it's 85, 98, 103, or 150. Do not panic if it goes past 85.
Use a Few Resources: Stick to one content resource and one question bank to avoid overwhelming yourself.
The question bank you use does not determine if you pass or fail. It's about how well you understand and apply the content and critical thinking.
Some will pass, and some will fail. If you fail, do not give up. It does not mean you are unintelligent or slow; it simply means you need to improve in certain areas.
Work on Your Anxiety: Use techniques like deep breathing, taking breaks and reminding yourself that "you can do this" to manage anxiety.
Just because a friend found the test easy does not mean it will be easy for you. Keep studying and trust your preparation.
If you fail, learn from the experience, seek help, improve your content knowledge or critical thinking skills, and try again.

I wish you all the best.

submitted by TheNclexPub to PassNclex [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 07:23 Gorganzoolaz Some ideas.

Hey folks, after re-watching the gameplay overview I had some ideas I wanted to share.
Edit: I only wanted initially to share the first few ideas but I started rambling and decided to keep going lol, most of these are just throwing random ideas at the wall and I don't expect them to be implemented at all but thought it'd be fun to share them for the sake of discussion. Enjoy.
1: train station or bus stop - used to travel to different neighbourhoods or "Districts" it takes time to reach different districts so a Para will basically vanish for like an hour or more once they enter the train or bus before they emerge at another district.
2: Districts - Given our Paras will likely be living in a city, it makes sense there are different districts that offer different kinds of work. Jobs in these districts have different benefits and drawbacks like being higher paying but more stressful or offer benefits but can effect a Para's health. For example, a business district where corporate offices are, an industrial district or an agricultural district on the outskirts of the city.
3: benefits and drawbacks of location - we all want to live within a quick walking distance from work (or at least we want out Paras to do so) however I feel like there should be benefits and drawbacks for this in equal measure. For example. To live in the business district, rent/apartment prices are through the roof, so if your Para is a run of the mill office drone they're gonna need to commute, but an executive or CEO lives in their business district luxury apartment or even penthouse (either paying the high rent or as a perk of the job). The industrial district is cheap as dirt but rife with crime where Paras would be rightfully hesitant to go outside at night. The agricultural district isnt cheap but is affordable with wide open spaces and clean air allowing for Paras to farm, earning thrir own money but services available in the inner city aren't available there. So no ordering pizza for dinner and your Para better get some self-reliance skills cos the repair workers are days away, not minutes or hours and emergency services are hours away.
4: crime - crime irl isn't just break-ins in the dead of night, you might get a group of thieves breaking into your house in the middle of the day when your Para's vehicle isn't present so they think they're gone. They break in by either picking the door lock if you remembered to lock it or by throwing a rock through the window or glass door. As well as this you might get mugged while out at night, so investing in some pepper spray and security glass windows and doors (or if you can't afford that, multi-lock doors and barred windows) if you live in a bad part of town.
5: effects on Paras like drunkenness - your Para just got a promotion! Time to par-tay! Go out to the local bar, get sloshed, make a fool of yourself on the dance floor, make out with a stranger and stumble home in the early hours of the morning, your Para's inhibitions are gone meaning not only are there more interactions to have with other Paras and objects in the world (which, if they're not similarly sloshed won't appreciate it one bit) but your Paras become harder to control, if you give them a command but either it takes too long for them to get to the location of the command or something catches their eye they'll cancel it and do something else, making the stumble home an adventure in and of itself! But having another Para to lean on makes it a lot more manageable. However the next day brings the hangover, when they wake up all stats are reduced to 1 and they slowly get them back throughout the day to simulate a hangover. Coffee can speed this up. The embarrassment though? There's no quick and easy fix for that. Especially if your Para hooked up and must make the morning walk of shame.
6: police - Police should be more than just "show up and beat up the burglar" if an item was stolen you should be able to make a report, the longer the time between the item's theft reduces the % chance the police will be able to recover it, if you report it directly after it was taken and your Para saw the thief, you have a 90% chance to get it back, but if you left it for a day and didn't see the thief, it's 5%. Also if your neighbour is being a loud jerk blasting music all night when your Para needs to be at work in the morning, you could call in a noise complaint.
7: cardboard boxes at the start - during the gameplay reveal it showed a brand new Para with a bunch of boxes around their apartment, this got me thinking of how they could be utilised. I figured they could actually be sorta like semi-randomised low cost items to furnish your house with the only parameters being that they give you the basics you need to start a life like a bed, wardrobe, a table, a chair for each household Para, a fridge, oven, cabinet, toilet and shower + a few random items like a bookcase and a couple rugs. All very cheap variants, the logic being that these are all cheap second hand items that tend to be mismatched, encouraging players to do away with them as needed.
8: haunting - if Paras after death can haunt a place, let's not make then Sims ghosts but make the place of their remains generally "haunted" those with traits that don't make them immune to supernatural paranoia start getting, well, paranoid like they're constantly being watched, small items will occasionally fall off shelves and tables in the dead of night, random footsteps could be heard again in the dead of night, shadowy figures might appear and vanish in dark areas, closed doors could swing open etc... Paras who are effected by such things will need to pick up the urns of dead Paras and take them to a cemetery or contact an exorcist to drive the ghost from their house. Which, on that note....
9: Cemeteries - Cemetaries should start off as a largely empty lot save for the grave keeper's house/office, in-world reason being that this is a newly established cemetery as the old one is full. Loved ones aren't inturred simply by taking the urn out of the Para's inventory and putting them on the ground, instead the Para takes them to the grave keeper who for a fee will take them off the Para's hands and ask them when they'd like the funeral to be held. Post-funeral can include a wake which is like a party but loud music and alcohol are severely frowned upon and as long as such taboos aren't breached the party's rating (if there is such a thing) will by default be "it was OK, 5/10" and can be increased by offering food and drinks.
10: Schooling - we should be able to enroll toddlers into pre-school and there should be a way to get our kids into private or boarding school. Preschool gives your toddler basic social and logical skills as well as freeing up your adult Paras to go back to work and it's cheaper than a nanny. Private school, while expensive, gives your children both more skills and the friends they make are the children of bosses around the city, giving them a massive leg-up if they go to work for their friend's parent's company and giving your adult Paras a way to get to meet their children's friend's parents too which can likewise give them a big career boost too. Boarding school gives the highest skill gain in areas you select depending on the school you send them too and your Para's children's friends are the creme of the crop, the children of the most elite, if your Para is in business, their kid is rubbing shoulders with the children of the CEO and basically guarantees their career will shoot up at least a few levels almost immediately and before long they'll be on the board of directors. You know what they say, it's not what you know it's who you know. But remember, getting your kid into a private boarding school costs several hundred $$$ a day. You won't be able to afford it on a Barrista's salary.
11: A bad crowd - your Para might take on a... less civil path in life, a life of crime. Starting out as a petty thief or street thug, their life is one of high risk and high reward. This line of "work" isn't gained through a newspaper but through 2 ways. 1: you find the local crime boss and ask for a chance to prove yourself in which case they'll tell you to rough up or steal from a wealthy Para in town or 2: you make connections after being arrested while in prison. After you get out you may get a call from a fellow former inmate saying "hey I hear you know (inmate name) and he says you're a good guy, come down to (location) we may have work for you". The life of crime is one of high risk and high reward, the rich looking guy you shake down on his morning stroll might net you a few thousand in one go but you run the risk of getting pepper sprayed which effects you until you wash it out or getting arrested or even worse, of failing the boss. Ignoring or failing a task from the boss carries with it a heavy burden of risk, however you can become an informant and if you succeed in getting incriminating Intel on the boss and telling the police you may go into witness protection. What's that? You get put in a random new town with a new name, you keep your skills and money but your old connections, your job, your most prized possessions etc... are all gone.
12: job qualifications - as my irl uncle says "get them Quals, son!" The jobs you can get with no qualifications to your name are typically low paying, low demand jobs with not much room for advancement and after all expenses are taken care of, not a great amount left for spending. You might get higher pay for working night shift but that's not where the real money is to be found, for that you need qualifications for jobs with the potential to advance and make something of yourself! For this you need to go to either community college or college/university. While community college would give you the qualifications and skills needed for higher paying jobs with less stress like as a tradesman or being able to start your own business (doing so is not expected at launch), college/university opens the door to the high life of extremely high paying jobs (starting at the ground level) from business CEOs to jobs in media and more. While I have zero expectation of these things being implemented on launch, they could be off-map sites or rabbit holes until then.
13: story progression - last and certainly far from least, I wanna see the world grow and change around my Para, for other Paras to at least give the illusion that they're living their own lives separate from my household's, I want my para's friends and neighbours to be having kids, getting promotions or switching jobs, for some of my Para's childhood friends to wind up in prison or making bank or being the chef at their favorite restaurant. The last thing we want to see is a stagnant neighbourhood where a Para's best friend when they were a child becomes their grandchild's best friend without them aging a day.
Phew, that's about it, what do you guys think?

submitted by Gorganzoolaz to Paralives [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 06:55 CurrentEducator838 The story of someone - musturbation addiction

Guys !! I think I need help , I don't even know I can talk about this kind of problem.., to be clear this is a taboo. I was 11 or 13 when I exposed to nudity (pornography) for the first time It was beging of internet and smartphone era . so , there were no too many restrictions in playstore at that moment , I'm in search of games seen some pornographic application with naked girls images as icon to be precise the model was sunny leone which I looked at. I could feel some urge and fear at the sametime. I don't know what to do I felt something uneven happened to my penis it's stiff but , that unknown feeling of attraction got raised much I started watching that kind of things slowly from playstore to Google search I shifted I got similar and familiar information on this things from my friends in school but the fun part is I doesn't know about musturbation till I was 15 so I never did it before I was just watching nude girls images or videos which doesn't involve sex. One day I got known about musturbation it felt very good. Until then this things never effected me in any way in fact I would woke up early to watch porn in the name of preparing for 10th exams ofcourse it didn't affected my studies I topped the exams as I started wakingup too early like 3 or 4 so that I study at 5 30 until than porn was there.
Slowly watching porn and musturbating became common and it didn't effected my personal life any time. By clg graduation it became habit till my b.tech didn't has any female friends but in college yeah I got many. By 2nd year of graduation musturbation became common and causal among guys(my friends) in hostel. I had alot of privacy so it been easy to watch porn and by the way till then I used to musturbate once a day but the count increased after it been 2 3 times a day and some times its 6 times a day . It was normal then but now its became a problem I started wasting my working hours, studying hours, important moments , time all to watch porn and it's just lasted for 5mins hype and my energy goes down i didn't stopped i repeated same after an hour. This is happening all the time of the year or 2 . I felt it as a kind of addicted now as I didn't needed porn to exite me. My imagination is so good that I can imagine any thing to very good extinct. I decided to quit porn and musturbation, I tried it. It was hard I managed for a week only, triggers are every where in Instagram I realized and I deleted it Sooner I found movie songs in YouTube also triggering me and later even normal scenes also doing the same for me. I reduced watching porn but other content like ai generated deep fakes I started consuming only because i don't want to watch pron again that turned really insane than videos and ai fakes of real movies stars created many false fantasies. My brain got contaminated my imagination become so high that I'm literally producing movies in my head with many fantasies. All girls I know were just my friends or crushs slowly I also started making fantasy imagination with them too. even my sleep disturbed many things are wrong in my mind but somehow my studies didn't disturbed and friendships also. In between I started hitting gym , reading books, moving out to get out this things it seemed working but my laziness and lust took over even in gym my imaginations are alive and I musturbated after gym. This seem nothing worked or I give up early or I didn't cared about stopped my urges and feelings. I didn't stopped musturbation. Now it became like I don't need any internet to get it erected always brain is in search of all fantasies that can make a story in mind. I unable to stair a girl who in front of me in a good way. Normal online chat with a girl I like making my penis erect I'm feeling so mean and uncomfortable. After graduation my now 21M back to home and has to quit the gym as changed city and no interest or time to read books no friends here.Im watching porn now and then and view deepfakes from desifakes. And also regret this every time. I became lazy , less productive and useless, depressed so, I decided to become good and leave this as I unable grow and unable take decision feeling depressed lazy useless and always want to be horny but , now I exposed to sex stories these are even more intense then a video or a photo they grown my imagination to its peaks I lost all emotions and unable be a normal men in public I'm going very wild in my imagination. Soon,I quit all porn ,fakes and stories. But still imagination never stopped if wantedly stopped thinking about this things but in mornings/ normal daytime / any time in day my penis getting erected itself without any trigger like im all of the sudden horny and then everything I see is giving me a trigger and I feeling uncomfortable and want to have a musturbation session. Anyone can say you need a doctor or a therapy Guys!! I know that but I'm a Indian and citizen of telangana a telugu state. I'm not a independent man like I cannot go anywhere I want as I like and I'm not earning yet so no money even if I have reaching doctor for these kind problems is itself is very embarrassing and very tough to tell this in family there is a lot tension and pressure of noone supporting.
And important thing in india we cannot afford mental health doctors or therapies. Because they are not very cheap like watching porn.
Now I'm helpless recently someone said that they love me I unable decided I really like her or lusting on her and don't know even I can be loyal or be normal with her. Now I feel these things got into my personal and professional life, I'm unable grow career wise nor be good in my financial or personal life.
Can anyone say what to do now

submitted by CurrentEducator838 to NoFap [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 06:31 Voltes-Drifter-2187 Live-Action Voltron Cinematic Universe - conceptual movie treatment for Vehicle Voltron I: The Mightiest of Saviors Rise (first film of Phase I - The Omega Comet Saga) [Part I]

VEHICLE VOLTRON I: THE MIGHTIEST OF SAVIORS RISE
written by Robert D.C. Barnes III (PeachLover94)
Inspired by "Voltron: Defender of the Universe" created for World Events Productions
by Peter Keefe, John Teichmann and Toei Animation
Based on "Armored Fleet Dairugger XV" created for Toei Animation
by Saburo Yatsude (Kozo Morishita, Masahisa Saeki, Keisuke Fujikawa,
and Shigemitsu Taguchi)
TREATMENT: 07-21-2017 2006.cosmo@gmail.com
NOTE: This proposal is the property of New Frontier Cinema (PeachLover94's production company) produced in partnership with World Events Productions (WEP LLC) and Toei Company, Ltd. Any unlicensed exhibition, copying or redistribution without written consent of the mentioned parties is strictly prohibited. All rights reserved.
Vehicle Voltron I: The Mightiest of Saviors Rise Story Treatment
The Logline
In the Near Universe, an experimental carrier-battleship hybrid starship under the command of fifteen crack space explorers from the Galaxy Alliance of Earth comes under assault by the evil Drule Empire. On a faraway planet, they find fifteen vehicles which combine into the evil-fighting giant humanoid robot - Vehicle Voltron.
Main Characters
1) JEFF ♂ - Pilot of the Command Jet Explorer #1 which forms the head of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Jeff Aki Manabu. Being the leader of the entire Vehicle Voltron Force and commander of the Air Team, Jeff is head-strong, occasionally quick-tempered, yet still a great fighter and a very capable leader, even if he does not always follow the rules. During his time at Galaxy Alliance Academy, Jeff was one of the first to ever beat the no-win scenario test entitled the G.A.S. Zodiac simulation - by reprogramming the simulation to make it possible to rescue the ship and its people. A major source of contention with his peers in the Sea Team's Krik and Land Team's Cliff is Jeff's continuous scoffs at no-win scenarios trying to one-up his older sister Janet.
2) KRIK ♂ - Pilot of the Communications Module #6 which forms the torso midriff section of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Krik Miranda Keats. Hailing from the water planet of Dulcinea (Mu Arae c) with a light blue skin tone and pointed ears, Krik is appropriately the leader of the Sea Team. Speaking with an alien dialect (which can be approximated to possibly being played by an Indian), he has clairvoyant powers that tells him when something bad happens or will happen. Of the five members of the Sea Team, it is Krik who keeps a cool head and is quick-thinking when situations call for it – particularly when he is at the receiving end of a gun or when the security of Voltron Force is compromised. He will often share drinks with the others in victory times.
3) CLIFF ♂ - Pilot of the Jet Radar Station #11 which forms the lower torso and hips of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Walter Clifford Jack. An accomplished sportsman and former racing driver who won many circuits in Australian touring car championships before joining the Galaxy Alliance, he can at times be bad-tempered and reckless. Cliff studied at Sydney University before transferring to Galaxy Alliance Academy, where his own nigh impetuousness led to a clash with authorities over the launching (and subsequent crash) of an unsanctioned rocket he built. Hawkins took charge of the situation, steering the interest toward constructive ends, with Cliff now serving with the Vehicle Voltron Force's Land Team. But sometimes he misses the old days of his racing.
4) ZANDEE ♂ - Pilot of the Multi-Wheeled Explorer #10 forming the left lower leg of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Zandee Barros Carateja. Born to a Boston astronomer father and Brazilian mother, Zandee is boyishly handsome, still long in the process of maturing. An unusual combination, he has inherited from his father the mathematical ability and navigation sense from his mother. He is a phenomenally brilliant mathematician and space theorist. But he has also inherited his mother's Latin temperament, fighting what is his perpetual and highly personalized battle with his technology, suspecting that space is engaging in a gargantuan conspiracy to make his professional and personal life as difficult and uncomfortable as possible in both life and love.
5) CHIP ♂ - Pilot of the blue Advanced Recon Helicopter #4 forming the left upper arm of the Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Chipley Yasuo Mutsu Stoker, and the twin brother of Darrell Hiroshi Suzuishi "Pidge" Stoker or "Pidge I", the first Paladin of Lion Voltron's Green Lion of Forest. Chip is very much the youngest member at 13 of the Vehicle Voltron Force. He can best be described as the brains of the Vehicle Voltron Force, much like his brother Pidge I is or will be to the Lion Voltron Force in the Denubian Galaxy (Far Universe). When he is not tinkering with inventions or fawning over technology and displays of data, Chip spends most of his time with Rocky in trying to find suitable soul mates for Jeff, Cliff and Krik so that they can keep all their stress down.
6) MARVIN ♂ - Pilot of the yellow All-Terrain Space Vehicle #14 which forms the right foot of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Marvin Tasuku Izu. A good friend of Hutch's since childhood and both being members of the Land Team, the two can often be seen together, either playing cards or brawling with each other. Marvin is usually comedic, with his sense of humor being on par with that of Shannon and Cliff's in riling up Jeff and Krik. During most of the operations the Vehicle Voltron Force takes part in, Marvin's specialist expertise is in Demolition, Heavy Lifting and Logistics which he sometimes cracks jokes that are sometimes inappropriate only because he is able to do it so well for such a long time. But his jokes have even started to bug Lance.
7) GINGER ♀ - Pilot of the Falcon Jet Fighter #5 which forms the chest plate of Vehicle Voltron. Her full name is Patricia Ginger Ellington. She is a strong and brave pilot, who has always tried to fight the good fight and to this day maintains a distrust of the arrogance of science ever since seeing her family destroyed in an starship crash when she was young. She is smitten towards her Air Team commander Jeff, and the two still maintain a close professional relationship. With that said, she certainly doesn't hide her jealousy when another woman shows any affection towards him, married or otherwise. When not in the heat of battle, Ginger likes to spend her downtime shopping, hanging out with friends, or helping Cinda and Lisa with science and cartography.
8) LISA ♀ - Pilot of the red Space Prober #7 which forms the left thigh of Vehicle Voltron. Her full name is Lisa Haruka Kaga. She is very knowledgeable in ancient cultures, and always seems to know the right thing to say to others. Born on the colony world of New San Diego, Lisa was enamored with the ocean and all its native forms of life at a young age. This led to her entering the 2976 Olympic Games, and at 16 years old, became the youngest human of the Galaxy Alliance era not from Earth to win the Gold medal in the 400 meter backstroke event. Possessing an unyielding affinity for the undersea animals and environment, this makes Lisa a perfect choice for the Vehicle Voltron Force's Sea Team, as she is able to urgently take command if Krik is unable to.
9) CINDA ♀ - Pilot of the Rotating Personnel Carrier #12 which forms the right forearm of Vehicle Voltron. Her full name is Cinda Moya Qiligasz. Like Lisa, she too is kind and emotional, especially when it comes to nature. She is a Dulcinean like Krik, and the two are the main psychics and mystics of the entire Vehicle Voltron Force. It would not show up on Krik's file, but Cinda was often the only friend he had growing up back on Dulcinea, as young Dulcineans have their fears like human children have of monsters under the bed. Krik often had to have his fears reined in by Cinda, who vowed to banish all the monsters from peoples' lives so that they would not have to suffer like both she and Krik had to suffer. Even as an Alliance world, Dulcinea has hard times for Cinda.
10) WOLO ♂ - Pilot of the red Advanced Recon Helicopter #3 forming the right upper arm of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Shota Wolo Kreutz. He is a blue-skinned Galilean of the Galileo (Kepler-451b) system who is a noted scholar of astronomy and has authored several of the most popular accredited astronomy textbooks in use by the Galaxy Alliance. He is a graduate of the Galileo Polytechnic University with an esteemed Doctorate degree in Advanced Telecommunications. Among his friends, Wolo is known to be exceedingly patient, kindly and gracious and possessive of both great intelligence and poise as the gifts he has inherited from his talented mother through which he is able to take charge at times. The kindness comes from helping raise seven sisters.
11) SHANNON ♂ - Pilot of the Multi-Wheeled Explorer #9 which forms the right lower leg of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Shannon Tatsuo Izumo Cochrane. During his childhood, he piloted a deep-sea bathyscaphe to investigate marine farming methods in making food production on various worlds possible. Of all the Vehicle Voltron Force, Shannon tries to keep things from getting too serious by becoming the funny one, which gives him a tendency to get into trouble with Jeff and Krik over his flippant sense of humor. Even so, he chooses to fight for nobler causes than himself, as his brother was just taken to be a prisoner of what will be known as the Drule Empire on its tribute vassal world of Galra (Planet Doom) in the Denubian Galaxy (Far Universe).
12) HUTCH ♂ - Pilot of the black All-Terrain Space Vehicle #15 forming the left foot of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Kazuto Hutch Nagato. A good friend of Marvin's since childhood and both being members of the Land Team, the two can often be seen together, either playing cards or brawling with each other. In contrast to the comedic Marvin, Hutch is a regular tough guy, always looking for a good fight with any Drule that has the guts to challenge him mano e mano. Outside of space missions, Hutch loves to dance, listen to music, and wear the most extravagant clothes around. His strong, muscular build was put to the test during the 2976 Olympic Games, where he won the Gold medal in the weightlifting event to the congratulations of future comrade Lisa.
13) ROCKY ♂ - Pilot of the Strato Weapons Module #2 which forms the upper torso of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Rockford Kai Shinobu. He is the Brooklyn-accented member of the Air Team, usually described by the Galaxy Alliance and by the Drule Empire as the "Hunk" of the Vehicle Voltron Force, which paints a big target on his back for many of the Drule commanders like the Galvestonian Throk in the Milky Way (Near Universe), the Derinja Bi'Os in the Hyperion Galaxy (Middle Universe) and the Galran Prince Lotor in the Denubian Galaxy (Far Universe). He did not have much family growing up, so the chance to have a spiritual little brother in Chip gives him something missing from his life. He joined the Alliance to be able to make a chart of all the stars.
14) TANGOR ♂ - Pilot of the blue Space Prober #8 which forms the right thigh of Vehicle Voltron. His full name is Saluta Tangor Katz. He is as dedicated to his calling of serving the Galaxy Alliance on Vehicle Voltron Force as any of his shipmates. His off-duty demeanor is at times much less boisterous than most of his male colleagues, indulging in painting and playing the piano. Tangor has, in fact, composed a great deal of lounge tunes on the piano to play so to keep his shipmates relaxed and escape boredom. Some of his tunes he is compiling to be sold as an easy listening album. His and Wolo's species is the blue-skinned Galileans from their planet Galileo (Kepler-451b), who are very noted for their appreciation of the finer arts that speak to the soul about existence.
15) MODOK ♂ - Pilot of the Armored Equipment Carrier #13 which forms the left forearm of Vehicle Voltron. His full given name is Modok MacKenzie "Mack" Chucker. He is one of the few eldest active members of the Vehicle Voltron Force. Stern and serious, Modok focuses on the task at hand above all else. He acknowledges that his gruff approach can lead to conflict with the younger crew, though he always means well, and just is out to ensure their mission is accomplished successfully, safely, and professionally. When not on assignment, Modok is a self-described gentle giant like Rocky from the Air Team who likes to find a secluded spot outside the G.A.S. Explorer/Rugger Guard on planets and spend a day fishing and cooking whatever fish are caught.
16) HAWKINS ♂ - Age: 54. Acting Commander of the Vehicle Voltron Force stationed aboard the new Galaxy Alliance Starship Explorer (the pride of the Galaxy Alliance's project code-named Rugger Guard). His full title is Commander James Shinji Ise Hawkins of the Galaxy Alliance. While it is Commander Hawkins who gives all the orders to the Vehicle Voltron Force, he is Executive Officer who answers to Captain Newley on the mission of the Explorer. When it comes to saving lives, Hawkins is always deadly serious - but subtly cracks a joke every now and then. He's so dedicated to the mission that he constantly remains on assignment, and has very little time for recreation, much to the disappointment of his gentler and relaxed commanding officer Newley.
17) NEWLEY ♂ - Age: 58. Captain of the Galaxy Alliance Starship Explorer who is the Commanding Officer of and a good friend to the Vehicle Voltron Force's Commander Hawkins. His full title is Captain Richard "Dick" Asimov Newley. He regards all the members of the Vehicle Voltron Force as replacements for the son he had lost in battle, and sorely regrets his son's death in battle near planet Likon, along with the apparent death of Jeff's older sister Janet who represented him in court martial over cheating to win the G.A.S. Zodiac scenario, but was lost in a training accident. As a child, he was told of the story of Voltron and became intrigued with the prospect of finding it and bringing it back. Now it seems like that dream shall come true at last down on Likon.
18) PAGE ♂ - Age: 56. Science Officer of the Galaxy Alliance Starship Explorer. Though originally an aerospace engineer (albeit an unsuccessful one), he becomes the ship's primary medical officer. He is good humored and always willing to give advice, but he can become deadly earnest when chiding others' behavior. His full title is Professor Michael Search Page. He frequently sips up coffee whilst moving around speaking at an extremely accelerated rate. Despite his bumbling nature, he is actually very wise and knowledgeable, choosing to learn from mankind's past mistakes so that they won't happen again in the future. Page believes that knowledge is the most powerful weapon from any species' history and seeks the knowledge of the universe for this goal.
The Background
Long in the past of the Milky Way Galaxy, the fifteen-piece fighting humanoid robot known as the Vehicle Voltron was known as Dairugger XV by the peoples of the planets the robot visited. Dairugger XV or Vehicle Voltron was a sentient being, renown across the galaxy for its feats of heroism and bravery. Ultimately, this led to Voltron developing something of an ego, as it challenged both a reincarnated wicked Zaar King Drolmacht Dolmen and the goddess Arcadia to battle it for supremacy. Arcadia, having sensed the egotism brewing in Vehicle Voltron/Dairugger XV out of simple ignorance of its own power and not out of sinister malice, defeated but spared the robot as she pondered what punishment would do it best to teach humility/sportsmanship.
In a rage, the dying King Drolmacht disguised himself as Arcadia and tried to destroy Voltron while succeeding at slaying Arcadia. With her last acts, a mortally injured Arcadia managed to save Vehicle Voltron/Dairugger XV by splitting it back up into its fifteen component space vehicles - five joining into the airborne Strato Fighter the Kurugger, another five forming the submersible Aqua Fighter the Kairugger, and another five forming the ground-hugging Turbo Terrain Fighter or Rikurugger - that when all are combined together form Voltron. They were flung through space until they crash-landed on the uncharted planet known as Likon. It is here that the fifteen vehicles will rest until the arrival of the Zaars' posterity in the form of the Drule Empire of Galveston.
The Premise
Historically, the Vehicle Voltron Force story arc of Voltron: Defender of the Universe was adapted from the 1982 anime series Armored Fleet Dairugger XV - but was adapted to be part of a much bigger storyline. We start the Voltron story as a Asimovian science fiction story that is about how the titular machines came to be, used to solve problems, and how their presence affects people for good or ill. Taking the team of heroes premises of the Japanese Super Sentai/Power Rangers series, the galactic journey of Star Trek, the swashbuckling adventure and journeys of Horatio Hornblower, and the appeal of robots found in both the Gundam and Transformers franchises, Voltron is ready to launch with the debut film of a potential cinematic universe of science fiction.
In this four-quadrant five-act mecha science fiction epic, the Galaxy Alliance Starship Explorer launches from Earth in the year 2981 on its mission to chart the Milky Way Galaxy and to find new planets for the Alliance to colonize or terraform to solve problems of scarce food and water supplies as well as both overpopulation and resource depletion. They are forced to land and make repairs on the planet Likon by the forces of the Drule Empire of Planet Galveston, when fifteen of its primary space explorers find fifteen space-worthy ships able to join together to form the mythical Vehicle Voltron - Defender of the Near Universe. Can they join together to stop a Drule attack that threatens a peaceful planet? It may lead to war, but also a step towards evolution.
The Nemeses (The Galvestonian Drule Empire of Planet Galveston)
Aside from normal human squabbles and quandaries that face teams of people trying to survive in the hostile universe, Vehicle Voltron and its team of pilots have to contend with the new horrible menace threatening the Milky Way Galaxy. Many of the Galvestonian Drules of Planet Galveston (also called the Drule Homeworld) fit the tradition of the classic "empire of evil". Most of the Drules are humanoids with light purple skin and red eyes. With fleets of starfighters and space battleships; as well as armies of tanks, super soldiers and Robeast mecha monsters, Galvestonian Drules are aimed at making the Drule Empire a major if not the superpower in the Milky Way Galaxy controlling hapless innocents, with only the Voltron Forces daring to stand in their way.
1) ZEPPO ♂ - Age: Late 40s/Early 50s. Species: Galvestonian Drule. Homeworld: Galveston (Drule Homeworld). Eye Color: Red. His full title is Emperor Zeppo Corsair of Planet Galveston. Like many a major and admittedly rather incompetent dictator, Zeppo rules the Empire with the fists of iron fury, sending others to do his dirty work and harshly punishing those who fail him. With how abusive and destructive he can be towards his many subordinates on a bad day, it is practically insane that there have not been attempts to overthrow him as of yet. A complete and utter sadist by inclination, Zeppo is willing to send his forces to capture slaves from other worlds and force slaves of his own people to fight to the death. His tyranny is only egged on by his followers.
2) ROBEASTS - Wherever one goes in the Empires of the Drules, there will always be such things as Robeasts to challenge the Voltrons and threaten the peace of the Near, Middle and Far Universes. Robeasts from Galveston (Drule Homeworld) sent to battle the Vehicle Voltron are humanoid monsters created through more advanced science and technology, most often from the prisoners of war that are reared in Zeppo's sadistic gladiatorial combat, though some of them are simply giant robots piloted by Centurion troopers. There is often a platoon of fifteen robeasts ready at a moments notice to travel with fighters, tanks, space battleships and or Centurion armies to lay siege to whatever may get in their Empire's way. The Vehicle Voltron Force must take great care.
3) THROK ♂ - Age: Late 60s. Species: Galvestonian Drule. Homeworld: Galveston (Drule Homeworld). Eye Color: Red. Hair Color: White. His full title is Viceroy Throk Al Caponero. Possibly the worst of the worst, Throk is at bitter ends with Hazar, and the loyalest supporter of Emperor Zeppo. It is often rumored that Throk is the one stroking Zeppo's ego to throw him off the scent of Throk's own attempted bids at becoming Emperor of the Drules. A natural-born kiss-up and backstabber, he lives for nothing more than destroying any "invaders" that could make a pass at the Empire and generally making Hazar and his followers out to look like fools, imbeciles and other pejorative words not to be listed. But it is his lust for power that makes Throk underestimate foes.
4) CENTURIONS - Say hello to the mixed organic and cybernetic shock troopers of the Drule Empire. They all serve as the central backbone of the Drule military forces. Their drones have no built in weapons, instead using the same weapons as their mainly organic counterparts. Drones are capable of squad-level infantry tactics and understanding vocal commands. These androids can somewhat resemble fellow Drules, appearing to wear this green-purple armor. In fact, some of the living soldiers appear identical to their own Drones. In addition, Drule Drones can be used for scouting environments full of every kind of hazards, are more durable, and have no fear of utter destruction to claim victory for Zeppo and the Empire. Some are known to pilot their Robeasts.
5) HAZAR ♂ - Age: 40s. Species: Galvestonian Drule. Homeworld: Galveston (Drule Homeworld). Eye Color: Red. Hair Color: White. His full title is Chief Commander Hazar Dorita Teles of the Galvestonian Drules. Hazar is an athletic fellow, able to dodge and move around quickly to evade attacks. This is despite his large size, topping at about six and a half feet. Unlike most other fleet and army commanders in the Empire of the Drules, Hazar is often a composed and rational figure who never has a bad word to say about any of his underlings. He is his own worst critic, as inside, he frequently doubts himself on whether an action he or the Empire takes is right or at least justifiable. Due to this, Robeasts and Centurions alike find him to be more approachable than Throk.
The Heroes and the Twist
Each member of Vehicle Voltron's three teams (Air, Land and Sea) of a super force of space explorers is meant to be reflective of aspects of ourselves that we all have been at some point in our lives - a class clown, a lone wolf, a young genius, a tough guy who is also a mediator, and that young person destined for life greater than their own backyard. At the beginning of the story, the three team leaders Jeff, Cliff and Krik all function as the Id/McCoy (Cliff), Ego/Kirk (Jeff) and Superego/Spock (Krik) found in the Freudian psyche. It is what they learn from each other that they all have to pass down to the other four members of their respective teams in order to effectively come together and operate Vehicle Voltron to save both the Galaxy Alliance and planet Galateia.

submitted by Voltes-Drifter-2187 to Voltron [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 06:28 Evening_Boat_2674 AITAH for refusing to fire my nanny, and telling my husband I would rather divorce him than fire her?

My husband, John, (40M) and I (26F) have been together* 5 years (married for 3) and have 3 kids (ages 3mos, 2, 4). We met when I was still in college working part time as a nanny for his friend's family. We crossed paths a few times at my nanny family's functions, and my nanny family gave him my number and encouraged me to go out with him. Initially I only did because I didn't want to offend them, but we ended up hitting it off really well. I accidentally got pregnant with my oldest about a year into seeing him. (3 kinds of birth control and still got pregnant, what are the chances ha) At first I was devastated because I was just about to graduate and had already been offered an amazing internship in my field. The internship would require me to move across the country and so I was already planning to leave my current job and break up with John so I could pursue my dream job, so my initial plan was to terminate the pregnancy. However, long story short, I ended up staying with John and having my oldest but under the agreement that I would start working asap and John would pay for childcare so I didn't have to be a SAHM and permanently walk away from career goals that I had worked very hard toward for basically my whole life.
As soon as my son was born I fell instantly in love and the few resentments I had about the way things turned out completely disappeared. While I did stay home with him for the first year because I couldn't stand to leave him for more than a few hours, I was open with John about my plans to find a job in my field as soon as I could, and he was always on board and never expressed any issue with it.
John and I got married when my oldest was 1, and John started pushing me to have more kids but I refused because I felt ready to start working. I ended up getting a really great job offer at the company I'm still with today. I started looking for nannies and was put in contact with our current nanny, Sarah (21F). She has honestly been a godsend. She is the sole reason I made it through being apart from my baby and she does such an amazing job I honestly cannot imagine my life without her.
Shortly after I started my job I accidentally got pregnant again (another birth control baby!), and my husband tried to talk me into staying home with the kids again after my 2nd was born, but I was too happy with my job. They offered to let me WFH part time which worked out perfectly. My husband wanted to cut back Sarah's hours as I would be home a lot more but I refused because while I'd be able to breastfeed and help take care of my newborn, I still wanted her there to help with our rambunctious toddler while I was working. Our arrangement worked out really well, and I recently did the same with our 3rd baby, while Sarah watches the older two during the days when I'm working.
Sarah and I get along great. We have a lot in common and I see her as a friend as much as an employee. My kids love her very much and ask about her whenever she isn't there. Since I was also a nanny I am able to work with her effectively and I have so much respect and admiration for the job she does with my kids as she's even more patient and hands-on than I ever was with my nanny family's kids. Even though we pay her a lot, I honestly think she's worth even more than that and I tip her as much as I can. For some reason my husband does not feel the same way. He is very critical of her (not to her face, he has very little interaction with her as most days she leaves before he gets home). To me he is always nitpicking how she does things, like if a few toys get left out in the playroom, if she used too much gas in the car, if she got fast food for the kids instead of cooking them a meal, etc. He tells me she is not worth what we're paying her, and that she's doing an "easy" job I was fine doing for free. This irritates me like nothing else, because while yes I don't find looking after my kids particularly difficult, I wouldn't call it remotely easy, and it's much different when it comes to dedicating most of your free time to looking after someone else's kids. And Sarah goes above and beyond to make sure my kids are safe, happy and entertained every day, and even does some pre schooling with them.
Last week my husband confronted me with some of the footage from our security cameras of Sarah "neglecting" our kids. The whole thing was completely ridiculous. There was one video where she left my 2 yo in her high chair crying for 5 minutes while taking my 4yo to the bathroom 3 feet away. There was one where she let them stay up past bedtime to finish a movie while she worked on schoolwork. All relatively innocuous things like that that I couldn't care less about. The worst of it was a video of her texting on her phone for like 30 minutes while my kids were playing, which we have asked her to not be on the phone while playing with the kids. But even though she technically did something "wrong" she's a human being she's not going to be perfect 100% of the time.
Once he was done showing me I asked him "is the neglect in the room with us right now?" and that made him really mad. He accused me of not caring about our children's well-being because if I did I would agree with him that we need to fire her. I told him we're firing her over my dead body and if it wasn't for her our children would actually be neglected because we both work full time. He told me that Sarah was trying to take over my role as a mother in my children's eyes and she was coming between me and our family and if I cared about our family I would want to fire her too. I laughed in his face and told him I would rather divorce him and pay for her myself than fire her and quit my job. He stormed out and hasn't spoken to me since. AITAH?
Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has offered advice and support. I'm trying to read over everyone's comments and process everything. Honestly, I thought this was just an annoying ongoing argument between myself and my husband about our nanny but you all have opened my eyes to a much deeper issue.
Firstly I want to say I'm a bit worried it came across like I resent getting pregnant or having kids because I really don't. I love my kids more than anything and I would not trade them for the life I wanted before or choose my job over them if it ultimately came to that. I do stress about the accidental pregnancies a lot because it makes me feel out of control of my own life and body but I hope that doesn't come across as me having regrets over them. The last thing I want is for people to think my kids are a burden who have ruined my life because they are a gift and have brought more love to my life than I knew I was capable of. I really don't feel "trapped" by then or anything like that.
On that note, however, a lot of people have pointed out the possibility of my husband tampering with my birth control. This has me really shaken up I'm not going to lie. The scariest thing about this is that he's a medical professional and started writing my scripts for BC after we got married, and he often recommends and prescribes me supplements and things for my health. He also convinced me that IUD's were dangerous and ineffective, and that it's not uncommon to get pregnant on BC if you're extremely fertile. I don't even want to think about the implications of him having messed with something to get me pregnant. I trust him a lot with medical decisions and opinions, and while I know he's not as vigilant about birth control as I am I didn't even consider the chance he was actively sabotaging it..
Not really sure where to go from here or how to investigate this further. Many of you were concerned about having an emergency fund/ safety plan and I do keep my finances separate from his and luckily I make good enough money that I could leave if I really needed to. Thank you again to everyone who commented, I will try to update for those of you who asked.

submitted by Evening_Boat_2674 to AITAH [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 06:07 Plushie_Panic My old highschool had a pride festival today :)

So I graduated 2 years ago but I've gone to every pride they've hosted. It's nice! My former teacher almost tackled me when she saw me bc during highschool her class working with preschoolers inspired me to pursue working with preschoolers and now she hugs me so tight I can't breathe every time I see her lol.
Anyways this is my lil haul of goodies. Before anyone worries about how many pins/stickers I have, I went during the last hour of the event and they had many many stickers left to give and I use all pronouns so I take all pronoun pins I'm offered like a crow (also so I can give them to my friends who want them but are too anxious to attend pride events.) Yes, this was put on by a highschool. It's the 3rd year. It's gotten a lot bigger :) My favorite part: there's just this random guy who sets up a folding table with a cutting board and a bunch of ice in a wheelbarrow with like ten watermelons and spends the 3 hours cutting up and giving out free watermelon. He's peak ally.
Also shout-out to the "don't misgender" knife cat pin made by one of the GSA students that I got for free I almost cried. Also the Hawaiian shave ice food truck that gives everyone a free snow cone every year. I watched it go past my bus when I was on my way there and was ESTATIC because I knew where it was going.

submitted by Plushie_Panic to lgbt [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 05:53 ThatDog_ThisDog I’m surprised at how much feeling literally anything makes me want to drink

I apparently hate feelings. I used to drink to celebrate, drink to commiserate and really drink for anything in between.
Today my preschooler had a graduation ceremony, which has for some reason a lot of feelings associated with it. I want to drink more than I expected. (I’m incredibly stubborn and won’t, no need for any advice here)
I’m just over 2 months and I guess just really surprised at how much basic humanity I’ve been noping out of the past 15 years or so.
Just me? Or does everyone else hate feelings too?

submitted by ThatDog_ThisDog to stopdrinking [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 05:24 padwix Tenno Down

TW: death, suicide
Mods, please delete this if this kind of stuff isn't allowed.
I had this friend in middle school, the only one I had at the time. He was super nerdy; doctor who, Star Trek, Minecraft, TF2, Roblox, etc. I'd go over to his house and play Roblox every other week, and it was the best time of my middle school years.
One day, I see an ad for a new game that said "Ninjas Play Free". The year was 2012, and Warframe was in beta. We said screw it, and gave it a try. We absolutely loved it. Back when bullet jumping was nary a thought it DE's mind, when wall running was more linear and less agile, when we had stamina bars, and everything required way to much stamina, when Warframe abilities had to be modded onto your frames. It was our nightly escape from school work and bullies.
Fast forward to 2017. We're graduating highschool. We've made a huge friend group, and we hang out so the time. I still play Warframe damn near every day. My friend hasn't played in a bit, but he still dabbles from time to time.
Fast forward to July 2021. I've started talking to someone online, and we want to meet up before I leave for a week long trip with no internet. Trouble is; they live an hour and a half away, and I don't have a driver's license. My friend offers to drive me up. My date and I leave the mall we were waiting at to get some food, and my friend calls me. He's being stalked by some crazy guy he exchanged some kind words with, and he doesn't want to lead him to his car. We drive by the mall, pick him up, and laugh our butts off. My partner and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I don't play Warframe as religiously as I once did, but it's still a comfort game I call home.
Fast forward to last weekend. We're at another good friend of ours' wedding. I'm a bridesmaid, he's officiating the wedding. We're laughing at jokes our partners are saying. He's on the dance floor doing the cupid shuffle. It's an amazing day. My partner and I start saying goodbye. My dear friend and I hug, and make plans to hang out sometime. I didn't know it wild be the last time I see him.
Four days later, our friend who got married texts me while I was at work, saying she has something important to say. I immediately call her, because that's more important than work. She says that our friend was found dead that morning. He had committed suicide the night before. I can't believe it. Honestly, I still have a hard time believing it. He was the nicest guy. Respected every single person he interacted with. He would've given anything in his power to someone in need. He showed no signs of depression at the wedding. To my knowledge, he never talked to anyone about his troubles. That night, I cried for hours.
The next day, I grieved with the newlyweds and my partner. The day after, I boot up Warframe. I need something to comfort me, and what better than a walk down memory lane. I find his old account. It hasn't been active for 2211 days. He hadn't played in six years. He had his Loki equipped. He always did like to take a more stealthy approach. He never found his operator. I take my Volt Prime and put on the basic Volt skin and default colors to make it look like my old favorite frame back then. I do the same with my Paris Prime, Dex Furis, and Fang prime. I run some missions on the classic corpus ship tileset. I miss having him by my side. I say goodbye.
Tomorrow is his funeral. There's so many people going. He touched so many people, made their lives better. We couldn't make his life better. We didn't know that he was in pain, and he thought there was only one way to escape the pain. I want to scream at him, call him an idiot for not talking to us, not asking us for help. But he's gone. Because this man who helped everyone he met, never asked for help himself. His name is Mike Feroah, and there will not be a single day I won't miss him. I love you Mike. Have a good third dream. Rest easy brother.
If you are battling depression, please seek help. If you're having suicidal thoughts, it's NEVER the answer. It fixes nothing. Please, find someone to talk to. The suicide hotline (at least in North America) is 988, is open 24/7, and is completely free. Your life is worth so much, and there is nothing in the world that is worth your death.

submitted by padwix to Warframe [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 04:28 octoberskank I don't know what to do with my life after my husband groomed me and then dumped me off like trash once he got some money and job security.

Hi all. I'm in a bit of a predicament. I am so lost and I have no idea what to do next. I will try to keep it short but it's a lot.
Basically, my husband groomed me from the age of 15, he was 22. I started having sex with him when I was 16 and he was 23. Half the time he would break my heart and the other half he would come around here and there to make sure he had me on reserve. The very day I turned 18 he was all over me. We got married in 2018. Months back he decided he was done with me and I got tossed like trash. He was never around. He'd up and leave for days without me. Would go anywhere from 12-18 hours with no contact. I'd call, I'd text. He would try to say he didn't check his phone. He must think I'm an idiot. Expects me to believe that he didn't open his messages once in over a day. And even more than that acting like he doesn't know I'd call. I feel like even if you're "bad with your phone", a husband would still check in with his wife. He wouldn't. There's so so much more but it's just too much to break down. He got a good job. Some money. Some freedom, although not really because as far as I see his freedom is ignoring his wife's entire existence and lived to serve himself.
I had to move back home into my parents house. Couple months later I lost my job. It was the only thing I could take with me when I moved because I worked remote.
It's kinda been hell at my parents.
I decided to take a break after losing my job. I took the small severance and I've been getting unemployment. I've been through so much these last 6-7 months. I've never interviewed anywhere that I didn't get the job but I do not think I could successfully interview anywhere in the state I am in.
I applied back to college. I got in. I am just absolutely terrified. It's a huge commitment. I'm 28 so I feel....late. My husband took everything from me. I moved to help support him through college, he went back at 26 a few hours away. He had gotten a DWI. So I was there working odd jobs so he could get through.
I had no idea I had totally put my own life on hold for him. I don't have a degree and I've worked through hell with the jobs i was able to get. Now I am totally behind in life. But I feel like if I just go get some other job it will just be another dead end thing where I will struggle and scrape by.
So I am really scared to go back to school. It's been so long. I don't feel particularly smart. I know it's not supposed to be easy by any means. But my life is so fucking upside down and I don't want to fail. Then owe a ton of money for nothing. I don't feel confident in myself to get through. But I'm not paying rent or any kind of housing bills so I would feel stupid if I didn't at least try.
I just couldn't hate my life more right now. I'm also severely bipolar. A few weeks ago I was in a really bad low and almost purposely drove straight into a pole going 60mph. The only reason I didn't is because if I lived I'd have to pay for the car and I have no money. I'm in a really fragile place. I do take meds and I do therapy once or twice a week. I almost admitted myself into an inpatient facility, my therapist was really pushing me for it as well as friends and some family. Not my parents though. A huge reason I've avoided going is I don't know what I would say to my parents. And I wanted to just exhaust all options of change and trying to turn things around on my own before making that choice.
Idk what to do. My life is in shambles. A man stole 13 years of my life starting when I was a vulnerable, inexperienced, naive child. I never even got a chance. I have no idea how to move forward. I can't even imagine being with someone else. I feel like I will never get over him. I haven't dated since I was literally a child. I have no knowledge or experience dating as an adult or being in a normal adult relationship. I'm not at all itching to date really because it scares the piss out of me. But sometimes I do just want to hang out with a guy just to feel something or be distracted even for just a couple hours at a bar or having dinner. Knowing my husband there's no way he hasn't fucked someone else by now.
I hate him. I hate that he destroyed my life. I hate that he got to me at a time where he knew I'd make him the center of my universe. Then leaving me with absolutely nothing. If I wanted to I could return the favor by simply telling the truth...he as a grown man, was already as far as being graduated from college, fucking a sophomore in high school. I am debating telling my lawyer when I have the money to get one. Idk. I feel so empty. Betrayed. Cheated.
I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and know what to do. I wish I knew how long it was going to take to stop being broken over him.

submitted by octoberskank to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 04:16 Public-Ear-6387 I just need someone to know my story

Hello Reddit, this is my first post here… I am 28(M), i am at a point in my life where I don’t know how I am going to make it … I am going to start at the beginning of my hell on earth, 16 year old me, very shy, a lot of social anxiety, very by the book kid and 1 friend who lived in a different city and school… I had always defined myself has heterosexual, yet whit just 1 homophobic joke directed towards me from one of my cousins I started to become obsessed over it( I have OCD)… I feel in love whit a girl, for the first time I had the courage to actually overcome my social anxiety and speak to women… it was the best time of my life, I had just switched classmates, I had the same since preschool, I did not have 1 friend there and was bullied quite a bit. I changed everything about me, I was making friends, being social, getting out of the house whit friends and classmates, and had someone who I loved in my heart , we were just talking , she did love me aswell thou. 1 day I started to watch all the love I had for her evaporate into disgust for the opposite sex, slowly but surely, it took weeks of agony, I felt my heart sucumbing to a full depression… I could not tell her the truth all I could do was stop talking to her, I was weak and a coward. Let me just say during this time, in my country and in highschool being even remotely homosexual was very very ridiculed and carried whit it a lot of abuse . I started to fail at every subject in school, started smoking cigarettes and drugs… eventually quit school, started to become obsessed whit being a transexual when I started to feel like I was a woman. All my friends left me except 1… i atempted suicide a few weeks before my 18 birthday by swallowing 60 pills. Did not die, yet I came to know years later I was in and out of bed only going for the bathroom for 1 week… I do not remember this. I started to fall even further, I stop feeling physical pain has my internal pain was so … Until I was 26 all I did was refuse to get help, drink, smoke, have atleast 1 panic attack a day, spent days not being able to sleep and in so much pain I still did not feel physical pain . I was finally in so much pain I sought out help, I could not take it anymore … I had nights I would literally be in a panic from 2 until 7 am in the kitchen back and forth and smoking 2 packs in that time. I still cannot understand how I am alive today . I got into therapy, in 1,5 years I finished highschool, stoped drinking, smoking and taking drugs… got a job, went from 96 to 67 kgs , started to restore all my teeth, about 80% done, mind you, all while still whit the same internal full body pain… that infernal pain pain stoped 1 month ago… yet I came to find out I disassociate from my emotions and thoughts … right now I can sleep whit out being on fire( I know this won’t be easy to understand) Yet I got 0 friends, never been in a relationship, no car license, I know I like men and almost certainty I am not transexual. Let me just say that internal pain was the real problem . Now I can’t think straight, I disassociate a lot even at work …my brain is total mess. All my money goes to my health, bills or savings … I am so so lost I don’t even know where to start I cry everyday… All my last decade was pain, trauma and wasted time. I did not live 1 single day … and now I am so so tir d of my health condition… I am trying my best… but it’s not enough . I am worried people will mock my story. And me. All I can say is I suffered immensely for my sins, I still do… I just want a friend to talk to . It’s amazing how I came out transexual first and gay second, but my brain does not let me live … I am still in a lot of pain but I can atleast feel good sensations now, like the warmt of my bed . I hope I can be happy one day …

submitted by Public-Ear-6387 to stories [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 04:15 Even_Arm_972 Good Second Career

I graduated a couple years ago with a degree in finance, but I am having my doubts as to whether or not this is for me. The hours can be long, and while the pay isn't terrible, I am left wondering if I can do better.
I have thought about going back to school for a graduate degree, but I just don't know which one. Everyone tells me to "follow my passion", but I honestly don't know what my passion even is. I really just feel like I can find something to be interested in whatever career I choose. So if I wanted to go full "easy money" (okay, not easy, but you know what I mean), what exactly would I do?

submitted by Even_Arm_972 to findapath [link] [comments]

2024.06.01 02:28 Adomyr Do I deserve better or is this all the hard stretch of marriage?

I'm sure this will be long, windy and cover a lot of different things but I need to get it out. I'd love some feedback but if I get none, at least I let it out. I will probably go through some seemingly mundane or irrelevant details but there is a reason for it all.
My wife and I met when we were in our late 20's through some mutual friends. She was one of my friend's gf's new roommates. She was somewhat just out of a long-term relationship a few months prior and we met in November. I had been single and sporadically dating for a few years, but hadn't been overly confident and was always shy around girls. When we first met, I wasn't immediately attracted to her and I didn't know if she was attracted to me. I know at the time she was still recovering from her break-up and dating around quite a bit so even as I started to get to know her through regular group hangouts, I stayed backed off and just grew the friendship. I had been hurt previously and spent enough time alone to make a conscious decision to not waste time on anyone that I didn't think could turn into marriage.
We had quite a few nights for the first few months where we just had long nights of smoking weed & talking, and by late February we ended up going on a Group skiing trip which is when I knew I was about ready to pursue. Both of us felt the tension then but neither made a move until I asked her out on a date after we got back. Our first date was low-key, we went to a bar and local dinner, a casual date. Everything was easy, I was nervous but it was the first time I felt really comfortable with someone in a really long time. At the end of the date, I walked her home before driving home and immediately got a text... "No kiss?". She was clearly interested and this was the motivation/shot of confidence I needed, but for some reason I responded... "No balls.". Regardless, we started dating the next week and everything was really good, puppy love as it usually is.
Shortly after her very close Uncle died in a car accident which didn't seem to affect her much. I know now that's really more that she bottles her emotions. She had experienced some intense grief as her pre-teen younger sister died in a car accident from a drunk driver when my wife was about 16.This clearly sent her through a lot of trauma that she had to deal with and found her way to cope. This didn't seem to affect our relationship or even her personal well-being much given her coping mechanisms were in place(even if unhealthy). The first 6 months of our relationship was relatively long distance. It was about a 2.5 hours drive or 1.5 hours train ride. I had a 9-5 Tues-Sat where I did a lot of driving so none of that bothered me and she was working in a very upscale restaurant but usually had Sun & Monday off as well so it worked out great. After 6 months, I moved in with my friend in a new apartment in the city she lived in. We spent more time together, enjoyed the city and just had an overall happy life. About 10 months later, her lease was up and she moved in with me with the intent that we would get our own place 2 months later in the same city when my lease was up. This would put us at about 2 years together. We looked at places, but then she decided she was done with the city life and she decided to look further south in our state, closer to where I was previously living. She ended up finding a job and we moved about 2.5 hours south of our friends in the city.
This move was a big deal. This was the first time I had ever signed a lease with a gf and we both were moving outside what little support system we had. My family was nearly 2 hours north and hers about 2 hours south. All that said we had a great first year, adopted a dog very early on and then got engaged about a year in. At this point her grandfather who was her next closest father figure (her dad is in the picture but was a cheater, a drunk and married 3 times when she was a kid) was diagnosed with brain cancer and ended up passing before we got married. He died in her arms and this took another heavy toll on her, but she still seemed to take it better than most. As we really got into the throes of planning our marriage, I started to feel like our sex life was waning a bit, but I very much attributed it to getting through that puppy love phase.
We ended up getting married about a year later. We got married in July and were pregnant by Aug (found out in Sept on our honeymoon). We were ecstatic, but clearly didn't have the time to just "be married". We ended up buying a house another 9 months later right before the baby came and moved even further south, again away from any friends. This time mostly due to home prices. Pregnancy was rough for her, she did not enjoy being pregnant but she's tough. She ended up giving birth with no medication with no complications and now we are in a new house with a newborn and our closest family an hour away.
The next phase I admittedly wish I had done more. The early years of our son's life, I was traveling a lot for work, but always did what I could when I was home, mostly. I didn't do a great job at getting up with him in the middle of the night, because I figured, hey I need to work the next morning. It was childish, immature and regretful thinking. I was still traveling quite a bit, sometimes for a week or more at a time. I sometimes miss that now, but at the time I felt like I was missing so much of my son's life. I was able to negotiate a different position, working locally 100%. Part of this was that I also started to feel distance between us. Our son was now her priority, our sex was much less frequent, me regularly being turned down and her nearly never initiating. She did end up going back to work on a normal timeframe and I ended up working from home nearly full-time because it was now peak Covid era. She was only working Friday, Sat & Sun as a bartender so I really only needed to worry about working while watching him Friday afternoons. I thought Covid was going to be great for use with us both being home once her restaurants closed. Getting more time together and enjoying life, but it really just kept feeling like distance. We ended up getting pregnant again but she was not in a stable emotional state and we mostly mutually decided to have an abortion. This didn't make me feel great, it conflicted with my values but I loved my wife and knew it would ruin her.
Over the next 2 years it felt like we were coasting. Our intimacy slowly wanted more and more, her moods were down more often, which then put my moods down. I started to feel like she was cheating on me. I did the cardinal sin and started snooping. I found some flirty texts but nothing concrete or anything egregious. She is a bartender and flirty by trait to an extent. I eventually broke down and told her how I felt. Alone and neglected. This did nothing but make her even less attracted to me, but I worked on it. We started making an effort to talk more, and a lot of that suspicion just waned.
At this point our son was about 4 and starting preschool. He isn't the easiest child. He's very headstrong, demanding and to be frank slightly spoiled. This continued to get worse for the next year plus and only recently have we started to get a handle on moving this all in the right direction. He just turned 6, but still takes a very large amount of energy from us, and without much help from parents or anyone it can feel like we have no time. I have been a director at a new company for a few years, have doubled my salary in the last 3 years and have a much bigger responsibility there, but take on a large portion of caring for our son. She now works 4 days a week, still as a bartender at the same place she has been the last 8 years. Our schedules are largely opposite.
The past 2 years have been a lot of up and down. I started therapy for myself about a year ago for a few months but didn't find it helpful. We started couples therapy about 7 months ago and while that has helped, it really just forces us to spend some time together and talk more than anything. We've done date nights where we can with our schedules and I had started my own personal therapy focused around self-esteem around the same time. I have now transitioned out of therapy for a couple months and have felt much better with more confidence and a better direction. This has made me closer to pushing for a divorce than ever because I feel like this shouldn't be as hard as it is. I feel ashamed for being attracted to my wife because I feel like she doesn't feel the same towards me. While in the past I would have used that to push my confidence down, it now makes me realize it's not my fault. Recently I started getting more verbally forceful, never EVER yelling, but I demanded that she puts more effort in and sees a therapist(as she said she needs to). She has started and been to about 4 sessions. She's usually pretty broken down after, but I don't push her too much on what they talked about or make her talk to me because I know that's not constructive with her now, she just shuts down. There are periods of greatness, like the past 2 weeks I felt like we were both firing on all cylinders, helping each other where needed, in better moods, being casually intimate (kissing, long hugs, some cuddling, a massage here and there) and I had felt reinvigorated. For the first time in a while I again felt excited about spending time with my wife rather than apprehensive. I felt like it would be a good time to start to make the proper approaches for sex again ( we haven't had sex in a couple months), but in the right way. I even tried scheduling a date a couple times because I genuinely just wanted to spend time with her and felt she was in the same place, which I still think she was. Our schedules just didn't align to the point where the next closest day was 3 weeks from today. No big deal, just gives us more opportunity to build anticipation.
About 2 days ago, she started to seem down again. Nothing any worse than normal, but it was a bit of wind out of the sails. I try not to pry when this happens because she insists it's not me every single time and she did just have therapy. Today I felt it again, and actually asked her if she was okay, calling out I could sense her mood was down. I just got a nondescript "Just a lot on my mind and year mood swings are down today". I also can never tell when she is PMSing because she basically doesn't get a period because of her IUD and these downs sometimes last for 2 days, sometimes months. I try to balance being supportive and steering clear when she's like this. It's never yelling or anything, just tension and awkward. I know I mentioned divorce above and it's probably mostly because I'm in this down rut, but each time these cycle happen it just always gets me thinking if I'm wasting my time.
I do 100% love my wife and don't WANT a divorce. I want to be happy with her and with my family. I do A LOT considering I've basically been preparing for her divorcing me for the past 4 years to the point where I basically run the house solo, am the primary caregiver for my son, the primary earner and plan most of our personal lives. I KNOW I am a great father and great husband and I just sometimes don't feel like I'm getting a fair shake. I know a lot of the time these types of complaints seem to come out as "husband just wants more sex", but I really would be happy with just more cuddling being made to feel like I'm appreciated. Don't get me wrong, I DO want more sex, but it's also mostly because I usually feel deeply in love with my wife and thoroughly enjoy making her happy in every way possible.
I really don't know what I'm thinking most of the time on this. I know I could be happier than where we are now, I know she could be happier. She won't talk to me about any problems and insists it's not me, but also states that she can't talk to me about her thoughts because it would "break me". I've fully accepted that she may have cheated on me even though she insists she hasn't, I just wanted to work through it constructively. At what point is it all enough? Is this harder for us because of no support system? Is it just a period in early marriage that people settle into after say year 10? I just want to wake up in the morning, look at my wife and be able to smile at her without my spiraling thoughts.
Thank you for reading my rambling, if anyone does. I'll certainly give more details as this is very much a stream of consciousness, if this interests anyone, but I would appreciate the support.

submitted by Adomyr to Marriage [link] [comments]

http://activeproperty.pl/