I'm looking for help and to vent by expressing myself here. I'm not comfortable with my marriage.
First, I'm going to try to speak as best as possible without dirtying my wife. I'm not looking for people to agree with me, but rather I'm looking to express myself in case someone thinks I need help or I need to take some action to walk away from my marriage.
I have been married to my wife for 4 and a half years. When I met her, she showed a unique angelic personality and she was someone who had fallen in love with me and that was what attracted me a lot because she was a light in my life cuz I was somewhat lonely. We got married in 4 months. She told me that She was about to give up on man and that I was the last chance. I realized that she was the right woman because she seemed to come from healthy and ordinary path (like me, I don't drink or do drugs just sports and reading). This is also having already realized that with alcohol she is too euphoric, she opens up to anyone and she doesn't know how to say NO. But since I was always going to be with her, that wasn't a problem.
But then after 7 months (already 3 months of marriage) I got a random message from an unknown person (who ended up being a person from her past) telling me to check me out because she had herpes, because almost the entire neighborhood had fuck*d with her. (4 - 5 years ago). I confronted her about it and she denied me about the herpes, because herpes was a thing of the past and was not transmisible, but she didn't deny the rest and she didn't know what to say.
that left me in shock because I remember well what I had thought about her in those first months when we met. I thought "but how is it possible! If she doesn't seem like it" she is such a good and loving person! I don't understand. Chaos broke out! But she swore to me that she was going to be loyal to me and that she did that when she was involved in drugs and alcohol and when she was single and never when she was in a relationship, and she recognizes that it was the worst mistake of her life.. Even so curiosity killed me since I didn't know her (and I actually didn't know because were just 7 months) and I grabbed her phone to check her past conversations because I wanted to know who I had gotten engaged to. And her messages from 4 - 7 years ago were with too many men and they were all too sexual and sometimes more than sexual with photos, and they only spoke to her to fu_ck in a way that was too vulgar, and she accepted and read that she seemed somewhat proud of that. I mean, the message from the young stranger made sense. I went through too much stress and lost body weight because it was very difficult for me to manage all that, and I simply asked her to delete those people from her social media as a respect to me. The rest I couldn't get angry because it was something of the past.
After those 7 months I eventually discovered that she also has problems Premenstual dismorphoc disorder- hormone disorder and some past traumas. And she takes some pills like Prozac because she suffers from social anxiety and also tends to pull out her eyelashes.
And with alcohol, since this is the important issue, she changes radically in her personality, and she likes the way she feels, and even in one of his conversations with the boys (from his past) I read that she told to one of them that with alcohol it is impossible to control herself and she flirts without wanting to, even when she is in a relationship (and that was red flag for me that I never forget).
But then I thought is not gonna be no problem because we were always going to go everywhere together.
But now 4 and a half years have passed and alcohol is still something that makes her change radically and even tough is the only way she talk me with balls and aggresive when I ask something. That doesn't give me confidence because I realized that all the mistakes of the past with Her uncontrolled sexuality was done under the influence of alcohol, because being sober, it was the woman I fell in love with and I know she wouldn't do it that way, but with alcohol it makes sense. That change is very radical I repeat. I have been with other women before and know that alcohol changes people a little, but with her it is too much that I don't recognize her and I don't like what I see.
Which is why this has led me to get upset if she thinks about going out with some friends to the bar because my mind attacks directly because of everything it has seen in her. (because in my past relationships I never had a problem with the woman going to see her friends in a bar or club). It's a mess and sometimes I feel like she stops for me, and I don't want that either. Forced love is the worst.
Now I see that alcohol is something she needs to "have fun" and it is the only way she decide to do it. She uses phrases "I want to relax" "enjoy life" accompanied by alcohol. By the way... I clarify that she does not drink frequently and that she does it very sporadically but I feel that she does it for me. And I don't like that because she has to do it for her. And sooner or later she might get tired of doing it for me and then it would be a problem.
Now the actual problem. My wife and I have 6 plans in these 4 months (Jun - Oct 2024) that involve partying and drinking alcohol, and on her birthday she also wants to make the 7th plan with her friends and buy kegs of beer to have fun and I comment, hey ! I don't agree with it, we already have a lot of plans with alcohol it better not to do something with that, how about something different, like you're just looking for an excuse to drink and "have fun." She got upset and I responded, I'm not that type of person, I see that we are going on a different path. If we continue like this, I think the best thing would be to each take their own path in the most passive way possible and recognize that we are different and end this.
She got angry, and mentioned that there is no problem in being different, but I commented that I'm sorry, but that's me, and I don't want anyone to be with me by force. A few hours pass and she acts affectionate and kisses me, etc. acting like everything is fine. The next day (yesterday) when she goes to work (usually from 6am to 3pm) it's 4pm and she still hasn't arrived home, I dint send a message or anything, so at 5pm she calls me on my cell phone saying she's in a bar and wants to spend the moment with me, my reaction was "what are you talking about?", we didn't plan anything, I always let you know in time to go out together, and since she was already drunk, she answered me very defensively, and told me that she still wanted me to go with her because again "want to relax and have fun' . I didn't answer that I was going because I hung up on her because I was upset, she probably thought I wasn't going to go.
But I grabbed my car and headed to the place. I noticed that she was already some kind of drunk. And when I arrive, she doesn't see me but I do, out of curiosity I sit back to see her because I saw that she was sitting with an old man of 60 years old, short and chubby, I say this because my wife is tall and pretty. And that caught my attention, then I see that she hugs him many times and literally lies on his stomach...I felt so weird that I can't explaing and not believing what I saw, I see that she smiles and grabs her hair while she talked with him and I still don't process that honestly (But here! My BRAIN came YOU SEE WHY MY WARNINGS ALWAYS MAKE SENSE! SHE JUST NEEDED ONE OPORTUNNITIE TO FALL), So then I get closer to both of them and I said "Wow! What a good laugh you're having, share the joke with me because I want to laugh too", and they were automatically surprised. The old man never talked again
My wife introduced me to him in a somewhat embarrassed and she told me that I was a jerk, and that I was being a weirdo, that is, she victimized herself. Because when she spoke to me on my cell phone she said that she had just arrived at that bar (again 5pm) and that she was alone.
So after she didn't talk to me for an hour and she still saying you came like that cuz you thought I were about to do something wrong, and I answered "I have the right to ask question and not assuming so I'm here asking and I see you barely are able to see me to my eyes. Remember when you got jealous because that pretty client I had at the sport club, and I didn't react the way you are doing now to me, so don't play that to me'.
She stayed quiet and she wasn't able to stare at me, the old guy left and she asked me to me and her going outside we went and still she not wanted to see me to my face. Until I pretend everything was OK and acting like nothing happened and mention a random subject out of the blue, then she little by little started being again lovely and invited me dinner. We went and then we went back home. She slept, and again curiosity was killing me. I grabbed the phone and I saw some message, and I read she was talking shit about me with two of her coworkers because of the party alcohol the wanted to have on her birthday and she said that I threatened her on leaving if she do that when I didn't I just oppen myself about if we continue like this in order to avoid problems is better to decide if we gonna go for each one paths.
And then she sent a text at 12pm (so she went out of work early and she arrived at that bar at 12pm not 5pm as she said to me) to one of them, text said "Hey wanna hangout with me I'm at a bar, and I'm here alone wanna come I might tell my husband later because know he thinks "I'm working LOL"
She answered "omg fr" Wife answred "Yes I'm tired of his shit and all that I don't give a fuck I might turn gay for real"
And then at 3pm she texted to her coworker "Hey I'm here playing pool with this old gentlemen" And she sent a Pic with him hugging him and head very close.
So she did all that intentionally and I'm afraid that that becomes a habit.
So I don't know what to do at all cuz deep inside I want the divorce but Idk what stops me. I feel that she never gonna change, and it's OK she can be the way she wants but Idk how to do that step without her doing a lot of drama and shit.
I'm someone who is very calm and like peace and sports and read book I just feel that I can't live with someone like that. The way of how I am is an obstacle for her being the way she wants to be because I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't decided to go to that place. And I can't go after her all the time So I see that and I don't have.problem on move out from there, but I'm not accept or tolerate someone like that. She get very defensively when I said that and see me as if I'm wrong or something.
I'm so sorry if this is too long Yes, my mistake is not waiting more to meet the person more. I recognized that.

Anyone have any good advice of what to say to difficult clients who want to argue the facts of the case with you? I have so many clients where the facts of the case are disastrous against them and they want to argue with me. The clients are really getting to my mental health. The clients manipulate me and give me this sad story ( which obviously they are justified for) and it causes me mental grief because I want to save them from themselves. I mean what do you say to someone who is rude, manipulative, and arguing with you? Other than, this is the best offer we can get, my recommendation is to accept it or we can always set the case for trial and roll the dice ? What is weird is I have been doing this job 9 years and it’s only been the last year that’s causing me so much stress as my case load has quadrupled. Any advice of a way to be firm and professional for my own sanity would be much appreciated. Lol

I 38F found out my husband 40M of 14 years was having an affair with a coworker.
I was utterly crushed. We had a really good relationship and I never would have suspected that he was cheating on me.
I looked the AP up and she had a boyfriend of 2 years so she was cheating on him the entire time.
Obviously I felt it was right to tell her boyfriend that she was cheating on him with proof. I would've wanted to be told in the same situation.
He asked if we could meet once so I could tell him what was going on. I met him and he was absolutely lovely, ridiculously handsome, and funny. It really solidified that cheating had nothing to do with a betrayed partner because I was feeling insecure about it before. He also offered a revenge lay and I obviously declined. We agreed to confront our partners on the same day roughly same time.
Afterwards, I told my husband that I knew he was having an affair. He immediately begged for my forgiveness and said that he was sickened about what he had done. If I gave him another chance, he would spend the rest of my life making it up to me.
He said that he was feeling insecure about aging and no longer being the man he once was. To get some of that back and to show off his wealth and power.
We talked about it for a long time. I told him that I told AP's boyfriend because unlike some people I don't believe in hiding things from your partner and the blood drained out of his face. He said that the bf was abusive and I should have never told him.
The AP contacted him to say that bf had screamed at her for hours and she was afraid and needed my husband to come over.
I told him there was no way he was coming over to help AP. We could call the police. After all he knows her address. He left anyways, saying that he loved me but AP's blood was on my hands if I said anything.
I called the police and told them that I think there is a disturbance at AP's place.
My husband came back later and he had a black eye. He claimed AP got violent with him. He maintained that he did the right thing. The the police just told the two of them to leave before they both got arrested for fighting.
He said that he couldn't believe I was so heartless because I had read the texts and "knew bf was abusive." When I read the texts all I saw were lies on lies focused on me because my husband would lie to his coworker about how the marriage was dead and that I cared more about appearance than him that I was using him for his money. None of which is true. I have a better job than him and a better financial position. I don't believe the AP's sob story.
I refused to apologize for telling the bf. My husband called me vindictive. He's been telling his side of the family that and I'm getting iced out until I tell my side of the story which makes it more 50/50 on whether I did the right thing. AITAH?

“You see him, stay away from him! He will lure you into his charm and hurt you really badly”. Yes, this was one of the sabotages I received from my batchmates during my sophomore year. As the topic suggests I realised it is time that we talk about the other side of looks that people think is a privilege bestowed upon by God himself.
Hi, I am M(26) a conventionally handsome looking man (as claimed by most around me). A boon that came with its fair share of bane. As most of you might have observed, being a handsome man, makes one come across as a rare phenomenon in the pool of average looking men and separates you from the masses. But it comes at a cost, the cost of which is loneliness.
Speaking from my personal experience, a lot of women find it hard to give a shot at us and might even avoid talking to us. The underlying reason being they think that we must be flocked around by women all the time and it’s better not to inflate our ego by approaching us. As a matter of fact, a lot of green flag women avoid us anticipating the same reason. It was at this wedding party where I bumped into this girl with whom I struck up a conversation. She revealed that she had an eye on me for a long time and wondered about the exact same reason I mentioned above, and that refrained her from approaching me even though she’s an extrovert.
Most surprisingly this stigma doesn’t limit itself to just women but men are equally into this ball game, surely in a different way. While I was in high school a lot of guys commented, “Bro it’s no game for you to land girls look at your face and stubble, chick magnet”. TBH I have always been into sports and music and barely had any interest in girls per se apart from a girl whom I really crushed on. Fairly because the attention from other girls was indeed quite overwhelming for me. In Design College, few guys even ran a smear campaign against me purely on the basis of their speculation that good looking guys = cheaters, players etc. Although an introvert I did go out of my way to talk to those guys and eventually they gelled with me but there was still one parasitic entity who would keep the fire of stigma lit.
I have had 3 relationships out of which the first cheated, and the next two ended up being overly insecure about me purely because whenever we would go out she would find others side-eyeing me. They would anticipate that whenever I went out with my friends, for sure women would approach me. Even though I barely have 350 odd followers on insta, they would still keep an eye on the activities. Now I see them married to an average looking guy. This makes me hate this aspect about myself as I genuinely crave an authentic relationship and not sleep around as it is mostly thought obvious. The deadly combo of envy and insecurity has become utterly annoying.
The paradox is that on one hand people compliment your looks and overall demeanor. NGL I am proud to have been raised by a queen and I always treat people with humility and respect. However, the other side of the paradox is that barely anyone talks to you, like they would with most. This is where the lonely journey starts - an overall sense of disconnect takes over. Superficial compliments and then being dismissed by others. Yes, on a few occasions I did have people gel with me but they were also from the “handsome + extrovert” men but I found they lacked depth and I instantly lost my interest.
It almost feels like I have embarked on a lonely journey owing to the default biological programming I have been blessed with which I cannot bypass. Does anyone out there face it as well? What are your comments and purview on it? How do you think one can overcome this?

I have lived in a delusion all my life that my dad is very open minded and liberal person. I got good education but I decided to follow my passion. My father was against it. He wanted me to study LLB. Infact he made me gave the entrance exam and even took my admission in one of the reputed law college. I have been very good at arts since I was kid. I have won a national award as well. My mom always supported me and encouraged me to do well in that field but my dad never did. I remember my mom used to make efforts to look for art classes in town during summer vacation and made sure I join it. My dad never did any of that. I didnt have a bitter relationship with him because of all this.
I decided to start my own business after working for a couple of months in corporate. I realised that finance is not what I like. My mom supported me a lot, paid fees for the course I wanted to do and even supported me for a few months in the beginning of my new career. Dad was still against it. He slowly got convinced that it wasnt a bad decision as I was single handedly making good money.
I got married after a few years but my inlaws arent supportive. We dont stay with them. Since my husband is the only child his parents always expect him to visit them often. I dont share a good relationship with my mil because her expectation from me is to give her a grandchild (specifically a baby boy). She doesnt give a damn or feels proud of her dil or the work she does.
Yesterday my husband decides to visit his parents for some work which can be totally avoided. By the way just last week we all went for a holiday. This means I will have to stay alone for two days. I have some commitments with my clients and it wasnt possible for e travel with him. My husband has done this a lot in past when his mom wasnt well but I understood that time. This time he planned his trip in merely 20 mins without even discussing with me. He just asked me for the sake of asking if I was okay with it. I am not doing mentally well these days and I need someones emotional support. I called up my mom and told her about it. I almost cried when I told my mom about it. My dad was hearing our conversation and he told me that I should quit working and ask for 50k a month from my husband. According to him its my responsibility to take care of my inlaws and my work is a hindrance to my constant fight with my husband (our fights are always because of how his parents always try to interefere in our personal life). I felt disguted hearing this from his mouth. This was coming from someone whose mother was a working woman, whose sister went abroad in early 80s and built a career for herself. My mom got furious too. She always wants me to work and be independent. I always have her support but this incident came as a shocker to me. Someone I respected and admired so much blamed his own daughter for not fulfilling her responsibilities. I have realised one thing that no matter how educated the society will be, women will always be opressed because apparently the society thinks that our first responsibility should be to look after our family and career.

Long ass vent on shitty of a person I am.
31F. While my husband was out of state this week I was texting an old military friend and messaging him online. I forgot to erase the text messages and my husband found them when he went thru my phone while I was asleep.
Tiny background. After highschool my first true love broke up with me before I joined the military. I was hurt, single and scared about leaving and this guy (my first husband) came out of nowhere and made me feel complete again. I decided to marry him only after being together for less than a year. Things were great, temporarily. Then it became the worst of the worst marriages. If you can think of shitty things someone can do during a marriage, that describes my first marriage. I have PTSD from it. Diagnosed MST too. I was so broken and beaten when my now husband found me, he was my knight in shining armor. Later down the road I was told it was a mistake to jump into a new relationship too soon. Anyway 12 years later I’m married to me with 5 kids total with my husband. We both have one from previous relationship and 3 together.
We have always been rocky. Probably not compatible but we want to be together but have so much more negative than positive.
End of 2022, I was in a dark place and he wasn’t there for me. I found comfort with a coworker. Nothing physically. All emotional, mental and explicit messages. Yeah I still cheated and the affair was a few months then I got caught through social media.
This broke him. Horribly. But he understood why and took me back. It took us over a year to build and become better than ever. It was a shitty thing I did but we both rebuilt together and we have never been happier and things have been perfect between us. I fucked up again this last week.
In the last year we took our health serious and we both lost 30 pounds each. I never had the urge to entertain the new attention. My husband was giving me everything I wanted and needed. As a reward to myself for losing the weight I decided to get a boob job. It’s been two weeks and I’m able to do a lot and they aren’t hurting so much. They look amazing and I feel so confident and beautiful. More than I have ever felt about myself in my life. I felt like the sexiest woman in the world. And just got high off the confidence when seeing my new body everyday. I started taking pictures and videos for my husband and it’s just something that makes me feel good about myself and seeing how much he loves the new me.
He went out of state last weekend to pick up his son to bring back for the summer. While he was gone I was taking so much more pictures of myself. I missed him a lot and I was doing all of this to still feel connected with him while he was gone. At that same time an old friend from basic messaged me after I posted a normal selfie. I haven’t seen him since 2011. We have been good friends online since. He’s halfway across the country from me. Well, in all things I post he’s always messaging me about looking great. I wouldn’t ever shut it down because I felt like it was harmless. I wasn’t entertaining him back. Well since he messaged me while I was on this high of confidence. I decided to share one of my explicit photos showing him the new girls. And then it just went downhill from there. He was sending me pictures. I sent him a couple more. None of the pictures were ever for him. I took them for my husband, then I would over share with the side guy. I know what I was doing, I knew it was wrong. But my lame ass excuse is that it’s just an online thing, he’s so far away and I’ve known him so long. It’ll never turn into a real or physical thing. It’s just a short term quick high and then I’ll go back to how it was. No harm done. I’ll erase all the social media messages and the texts.
Well we have never text each other before. It was all social messages. So I completely forgot to delete the texts. And after an evening of drinking with friends together and I took this powerful ass THC gummy and knocked the hell out. He went through my phone and found the texts. It devastated him. The worst part is I couldn’t react physically because I was so high still. So I looked like even more of an asshole like I had no remorse.
But I do. So much remorse that I want to die. I feel so shitty. I’ve been crying since and I reached out to the veterans crisis line last night for help and the person made me feel worse and didn’t help. Just wasted giving good advice.
We have been the most powerful strong couple we have ever been. On top of the world just him and I. And I fucked it up on 24 hours of compliments from an online basically stranger.
I started taking my prescription pills to ease my pain (previous addict) I’m planning to buy cigarettes later and I just want to slowly kill myself with substances. I just started receiving help from the VA regarding the ptsd and mental health since March. In the last year I’ve had the suicidal tendencies (just thoughts. I won’t really do it because I love my kids more than myself), nightmares, anxiety and depression. I’ve been waiting for my new meds the dr wants to try from the mail. I’m not trying to make excuses but I know I’m all over the place mentally.
I fucked up so bad. And I regret everything and I feel so shitty for how I treat him. We have had this conversation about how I’m so fucked up from my previous marriage and he’s the one that has to deal with it cuz I take it out on him. But recently he has been such a good man to me and I go and do this dumb ass shit. I’m just so fucking lost and I know I’m going to lose him. And probably my kids because he’s 100% disabled from the military and doesn’t work. I still work and I’m going to probably lose custody of my kids if we split up. And I know that would kill me more by not having all of them in my everyday life.
If you made it this far feel free to make me feel worse. I deserve it. I just want these thoughts out of my head before they take over and win. Thank you.

Yesterday I was driving to a clients company and listening to an audiobook in the car. {the Evelyn Maynard trilogy by Kaydence Snow}
I had about 45 minutes before reaching my destination and when the spicy scene started (book 3 chapter 27 & 28). I at least thought/hoped that would be enough time to listen and be back to normal before reaching my destination.
The entire scene (set in a hamam steamroom) lasted for the remainder of the ride. I had to turn the audiobook off when checking in at the gate, so nobody would be able to hear what I had been listening to and I was still quite flustered when meeting the clients as if I had just come out of that steamroom myself.
Anyway, I finished the book in the car on the way back and started another audiobook RH series today. It had a spicy scene that lasted for about 5 minutes.
After it was finished, it felt like sex where your bed partner gets off but you are left wanting. So appearantly short scenes are not the thing for me, but I did think the 45 minutes from yesterday was a bit much also.
So when is spice good for you? Either on audiobook or on the page? How detailed should it be? What makes you tingle?

I (f39) and my husband (m40) have been together for 20 years and we generally have a pretty good relationship. We live in a one-bedroom apartment in a small complex (the Bayou) just outside of town in Baton Rouge. I work as an AP clerk at a small insurance company and my husband is the deli manager at a grocery store (not Albertsons but about that size).
Anyway, we were having dinner one night at our small metal dining room table. The AC wasn’t keeping up again and we were both kind of hot and tired from the day. We were eating some almost-expired Cajun salad he had gotten at a discount (one of the perks of his job!) and he gets a real sour look on his face. “Got a bad piece of gator?“ I asked, I knew it wasn’t that but I was just trolling him a little. I’ve known him long enough to know he only gets that look on his face after talking to some customer about politics while they’re buying a couple of pounds crawfish etoufee or he reads something on Reddit (it was the second thing).
No, he says, and starts rambling on about women cheating and DNA tests and making sure the children are his. I put my fork down and looked at him because this was kind of incoherent, even for him. “Cleteus,” (not his real name), “what are you on about? We don’t have kids, what, would we DNA test the dogs? I hate to tell you but I’m not their mom, and I hope you’re not their dad.” Our dogs Crawdad and Gator (their real names) just looked up for a second and then put their heads down because they were hot, too.
“Brandee” (not my real name), he says and his face is getting a little red, “you know what I mean! You know how women are!“ And this is where he takes it to 11 to press his point, “I mean if I ever came home and found you in bed with another man, I’d shoot you both, grab my bug out bag and disappear to a country with no extradition before the blood was dry. You know I have a bug out bag!”
I should have just let the hurricane pass, but it was hot, and the whole thing was just so stupid and I had had enough. “I don’t know how women are! Is that something you read on Reddit, or did you make that up yourself?“ He sputtered a little bit and I pressed the point, “how would you get to one of these magical no extradition countries? Just go to the airport and buy a plane ticket? You don’t even have a passport, let alone a visa, how would that work? And you keep talking about your bug out bag, I want to see what’s in it.”
[As a note, if you live along the coast, a bug out bag isn’t a bad idea. Tropical storms and hurricanes can be really bad and last year was the drought and we had wild fires! So having some essentials in a bag if you have to leave quickly is a good idea.]
Clete went and pulled his bug out bag from under our bed. It was a camouflage “tactical” backpack he had picked up at Walmart. He set it in the center of the table. I had never really thought about what was in it, but I was curious now so I opened the bag up. Cletus started to protest but just watched as I pulled out the clothes from the top. There were couple of worn t-shirts and a pair of jeans that definitely didn’t fit him anymore. Underneath the clothes was an old promotional first aid kit from my work that was from 2008 and an envelope with a dollar and a couple of quarters in it. He said there had been more money in it, but he’d borrowed it out when he needed money for beer.
There was some more stuff like random dried food packs (beets! And all very expired), a couple bottles of yellowish looking water, an old rusty pocket knife, some rope? It was all pretty anti-climactic. But there was one box still at the bottom of the bag. When I pulled it out he tried to grab it out of my hands, but I kept it away from him and opened the plastic lid. It was Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and not even the good ones! Just doubles of the mids from his collection. “You have Yu-Gi-Oh cards in your bug out bag?“
I couldn’t hold it in anymore and started laughing so hard I had to sit down.
Then Clete did grab the box out of my hand and put everything back in the bag. And then he put the bag back under the bed and played Minecraft or Roblox or whatever for the rest of the night. He’s been kind of cool to me this week.
So, AITAH for laughing at his bug out bag?
SOURCE

Hinge has positioned itself as a long-term relationship app, so that means your profile needs to convince her you’re true Boyfriend Material!
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When a picture has a high cognitive workload, it means your brain has to work harder to interpret what’s going on in the frame. The subject matter becomes less attractive the more complex it is.
Simple = attractive.
If your picture is blurry, has harsh highlights and dark shadows, or “artistic” effects that obscure your face, the odds she’s going to “like” or comment on it are drastically reduced - and that means you probably won’t match with her.
While artistic effects that complicate your photos are not good, using a black and white filter can increase the odds you’ll get some “likes” - by 106%. Try applying one to a photo or two in your lineup!
Hinge Profile Tip #3: Put Down The Selfie Stick
Selfies are problematic on Hinge for several reasons:

1. Selfies are a whopping 40% less likely to get “likes.” That number rockets up to 90% if it’s a bathroom selfie. Don’t go there.

2. Selfies are less attractive than non-selfies. A recent study compared two photos - a selfie, and a photo of that same person taken by someone else. The selfie version was perceived as less attractive and more narcissistic. Don’t cultivate that vibe on Hinge!

3. They don’t inspire comments. Which photo do you think will entice more comments and “likes”:

Dalmatians for the win!
Photos where you’re doing something are especially effective on Hinge, as it makes it easy for your match to start a conversation by asking about whatever is going on in the image.
Per their internal data, sports photos are the most popular when it comes to “likes,” and activity photos in general ranked highly.
Coming in dead last were pics where you’re posing with someone who could be an ex. A full 98% of singles said that was a turn off.
Hinge Profile Tip #4: Stay On The Bright Side
Now let’s talk about your profile text. The best Hinge prompts to answer let you highlight on an attractive trait or two in a positive way.
Remember, she’s looking for Boyfriend Material, so why waste space with negativity?
Take, for instance, the “Pet Peeves” prompt. It’s challenging to make your answer sound anything other than whiny, pessimistic, and overly bothered by the minutiae of daily life.
Plus, if it’s a shared pet peeve, chances are she’ll feel a flash of annoyance when she reads it - and guess who she’s going to associate that feeling with? (Spoiler alert: you).
You also want to avoid describing what she may perceive as a negative character trait or flaw:
With over 80 prompts to choose from and only 3 available slots, she’s going to wonder why you took up valuable space with what’s essentially a reason not to “like” you.
To decide which are the best Hinge profile questions for you to answer, take a minute and write down a list of things you bring to the table that you think your ideal woman would be looking for in a guy.
Stable career, physically fit, interesting hobbies, family oriented, able to afford vacations, responsible enough to care for a dog… things of that nature that illustrate why you’d be a particularly good catch.
Then compare that list to the available prompts, and choose the ones that best let you highlight a few of those traits. Simple!
Here are 4 great Hinge profile examples, plus insight into why they work:
If you’re still stuck on what to write in your Hinge profile, try using one of these creative Hinge answers that are general enough to fit anyone:
A blast-from-the-past fashion trend makes for a great conversation starter since most women can relate to it.
While these examples don’t necessarily highlight a desirable personality trait or hobby, they will bring a smile to her face.
Humor is a great strategy in a dating profile, if you can pull it off. Women can’t help but be drawn to funny guys - it’s the way her brain is wired.
Hinge Profile Tip #5: Make One Of The Prompts About Her
Marketing yourself in an appealing, intriguing way is the goal of your Hinge profile.
But including a tidbit about her is an effective strategy.
According to research, 70% of your dating profile should describe you, but 30% of it should describe what type of person you’re looking for. That’s the most attractive combination.
As you’ve already learned, keep your answer positive.
Describing what you don’t want could have the opposite effect, as you may end up sounding picky and judgemental. Or worse, bitter from your last relationship imploding.
Hinge don'ts
Instead, focus on hobbies you’d like to have in common with your perfect match, or attributes that are important to you in a relationship.
Here are 3 great ways to answer the Hinge profile questions:
Describing non-physical attributes implies you're looking for a non-superficial relationship, and mentioning a hobby you'd like to have in common gives her some insight into your personality.
These good prompt answers give her some insight into what dating you might be like, and also imply that keeping in shape is important to you (which is always an attractive quality).
Mentioning a great first date idea in your Hinge answer is a subtle way to make her envision what an hour or two with you might include.
In fact, it’s so effective that according to founder Justin McCleod, answering this prompt got the most dates for users in London:
What works in London will probably work wherever you are as well, making “I know the best spot in town for” one of the best Hinge prompts for guys to answer if it's one of the available options for you.
Hinge Profile Tip #6: Make Every Word Count
The shorter a dating app profile is, the more impact each individual word has. To create the best possible first impression, you want every word in your profile to evoke positive vibes.
Stay away from words that cause a strong negative reaction, like violence, swearing, drugs and weapons. Those can have a ripple effect that will diminish your overall attractiveness.
And since this is Hinge, not Tinder, you’ll definitely want to keep it classy.
don't do this on Hinge
Even if you’re on Hinge just to hook up, don’t advertise your intentions in your profile. And consider switching to another dating app - Hinge really isn’t the app for that.
Here a few more Hinge “Don’ts” to keep in mind:
Repeat yourself. She’s reading a max of 450 characters, which is even less than a Tinder bio. Repetition is really going to stand out. If you talk about how much you love hiking in every Hinge answer, she’s apt to think you’re a one note kind of guy.
Make grammapunctuation/spelling errors. There’s not a lot of written material feeding into that all-important first impression, so little mistakes can have a big effect. Plus, surveyed singles said bad sex was preferable to bad grammar (if they had to choose), so it’s important to get it right.
Give “non” answers. You may think it’s the height of wit to answer Hinge prompts with statements like “I’m looking for… a better answer to this question,” but that’s likely to backfire on you. If she thinks you’re not taking online dating seriously, she probably won’t invest any time in getting to know you.
Reference past relationships. If you’re in your late 20s or 30s, odds are high you’ve got at least one significant relationship in your past. Whether the breakup was good or bad, your Hinge profile is not the place to rehash it.
Hinge Profile Tip #7: Reconsider Your “Dealbreakers”
When you set up your Hinge profile, you have the option to designate match preferences as “dealbreakers.”
That's a great feature for singles seeking long-term relationships, as it eliminates the need to ask those personal questions during the first few dates.
When you specify something as a dealbreaker, you won’t see profiles of people who don’t fit that category, regardless of how many other categories they do fit. (If you don't specify something as a dealbreaker, you may see profiles of singles who fall slightly outside of your ideal preferences.)
Free members have the usual filters like age range, distance and height. If you’re a Hinge+ or HingeX member, you have access to additional filters like children, family plans, education, and politics.
Take a look at any categories you deemed a “Dealbreaker” and make sure they truly are.
For instance, if your match is 5’7” instead of 5’8” or taller, is that truly important in the grand scheme of things? Or if she’s 41 instead of under 40?
If you’re too exclusive with your filtering, you may miss out on a great match you would have really clicked with, despite a small divergence from your “ideal type.”

It has been 4 months, 1 week and 4 days since you left. We were together for 22 years, over half of our lives, and now you're gone.
I didn't know how to exist without you. I didn't know how to wake up and not spend a few seconds listen to you slightly snore beside me. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me during those early morning moments when I'm still half-asleep and I reach over to cuddle - and all that's there is a cold pillow instead of your familiar warmth. I started each day, painfully aware that you're not right next to me, typing and clicking away on your computer. It felt so alien not having the contentment of knowing you were just but a few feet away while we worked, the silence only broken by either of us bitching over this client or that. Gone were our after lunch siestas, where we would just lounge in the couch, watch TV, share stories and jokes we heard each other tell a million times. It was replaced by me sitting alone in the dining table, in front of a half-eaten meal, conpicously wet from the tears I didn't realize was gushing out for the nth time that day.
Somehow, I made it thru each day and though each hour felt like an eternity, night would soon come. Our son would be home by then. Both of us knew we weren't ok, but we would both pretend to be for each other's sake. We shared dinner, talked about school and attempted to cheer each other up. Inadvertently, once of us would mention you and we would quickly change the subject before the tears could come. We were being strong for each other, but I knew I had to be stronger. I lost a wife I have been with for over 2 decades, but he lost someone he knew all his life - without much of an explanation, other than she needs to think of herself from now on and be happy. I knew I could not wallow in sadness. I am a father to a kid who, on top of all this, has to deal with all the usual teenage and school stuff.
Weeks went by, I settled in a routine. It was and still is, extemely hard - juggling work, household chores and raising a kid all alone. I'm struggling so much and I know that I don't do a good enough job. But I am trying my best. And looking back, I am doing a lot better now. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore. I don't wake up in a cold sweat feeling the walls closing in. I don't find myself randomly not being able to breath and having panic attacks. I still think about you everyday though. I miss you so much. I miss you so fucking much.
Today is a Saturday. Cleaning day. I was in the bathroom and there it was, your toothbrush. In the same place it has always been. Right next to mine and our son's. It remained unused for over 4 months, a constant reminder that you chose not to be here anymore. I couldn't bring myself to dispose of it. After all, what would you use when you eventually come back to us, to me. I picked it up and held the tears back. Deep breaths. I threw it in the trash. It's stupid but it felt cathartic.
I checked on our son and he just finished his own chores. We had our afternoon snack and shared stories and jokes we heard each other tell a hundred times. He went up to his room to play on his computer. I listened to him for a few minutes, typing and clicking away on his computer, trash talking here and there. I laughed silently before continuing on my work on the computer. I had to get these done quickly, I still had to clean the bedroom.
I replaced the sheets on the bed and swept the bedroom floor. Under the bed were your bedroom slippers. I picked it up, and held it up against the bedroom light. It was extremely dusty, a constant reminder that you haven't been using them. I took a rag and cleaned it, and debated whether I should just throw it in the trash or give it away. I stifled a laugh on the mental image of our local garbage guy wearing a fluffy pair of cat slippers. And then I placed it carefully on your side of the bed. After all, what would you use when you eventually come back to us, to me. I looked around the bedroom and touched your pillow. It was cold. And then the tears came.

Background. Me 42, ex 37. 8 years together. Married 2 years. Her affair came out 1 day before our 3rd wedding anniversary on Oct 27 2021. Caught her by snooping thru her phone. Confronted, gave her the boot, tried to reconciled for the kids. couldn’t trust her. Filed for divorce. Became free man in Dec 2023.
I posted a month ago how my ex sent me a text asking me if I can take time off from my work to watch the kids while she take a mini vacation. I replied “u don’t have a job but u going on a vacation? Karma is a b. How does a feel get fired, get pumped and dumped.” I got slammed by a lot of people for being immature and petty. A lot of you guys were right. I was petty and it did felt good. But in the end she still the mother of my boys and if she suffer my kids suffer. Ever since the divorce I been cold to her. Pretty much grey rock. When we exchange kids, I don’t look at her, load/unload kids and out. She is repulsive to me. I can’t stand seeing her nor hearing her voice when she FT the kids. I didn’t send her anything for Mother’s Day or her bday this year or last year. I’m still working towards indifference. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to look at her.
Yesterday was my bday and she had my boys FaceTime me in the morning and in when they got home from school. I know it was her idea because my kids don’t like to FaceTime much. They always playing games on their iPads. I picked up my kids yesterday after work and my feelings for her changed. I actually pity her now. She a shell of herself. O yea awhile back she cut her own risk and I had to call the police and she was taken to the hospital for evaluation. I knew it was a bluff trying to get my attention. She was let out a few hours later. I know she blew up my life and the kids life wife her affair and I could have taken the kids away from but choose not too. Probably get slammed for this. She is a great mother, just a shitty partner. She takes the kids to school. Pick them up. To all the kids appointments. She blamed me for not giving her attention. I know that bs for cheating but i admit i gave my attention to the kids first . O well. Can’t change the past. Plus I am at my best right now. Got a promotion and I’m in the best shape of my life. Maybe I should thank the ex.
Here’s the thing. I will never have romantic feelings or touch my ex wife ever again. She tainted to me. Should I continue to be cold to her? I can’t ghost her until my youngest turns 18 so I’m stuck wit my ex for at least another 15 years. So my question. How many of you betrayed spouse went from stone cold to being friends? And how long did it take. I will probably get slammed too for trying to be friends with my ex. Maybe I changed. Maybe I’m getting weak. Maybe it’s indifference. IDK. Thanks for reading.

Hello!
We are an independent organization with one purpose: to make you feel good in your own home and restore the peace and quiet! We deal in all kinds of intruders, from cockroaches to rats to racoons: all sizes and shapes and colors! Safety and comfort is one call away!
We offer a high variety of services, accommodated to your needs and enquiries, and have a flexible schedule. Call us anytime!
That's the job I work at. For privacy reasons, I won't say the name of the company.
The pay is decent, the hours are flexible, and I get uniforms on the house and meals. Yes, I do have to deal with all kinds of infested homes: from termites to roaches to bees, and even 'intruders' like racoons, foxes, once even a snake. It can be dangerous, but I take my precautions.
I can also take phone duty if I'm feeling particularly lazy. Like last week. Don't imagine we're working non-stop: we rarely get any calls. Not a lot of incidents happen around here, in this village.
Last week, however, I had three calls, which was interesting enough by itself, because I rarely get this much activity. Three calls also meant that I had to go do ground duty, because we didn't have enough personal for three interventions in one day.
The first call happened at around 6PM.
"Hello, this is XXX Exterminators, where the safety of your home is our priority. How can I help you today?"
Hi, yeah, my name is Emily and I think there's something in my ceiling.
"Hi, Emily! Could you describe the issue with a bit more details? What kind of noises are you hearing, any signs of anything living up there... anything like that can help a lot."
Okay, um... so I've been hearing these faint scratches, like rats? The scratches started yesterday, around midnight, and at first I thought it was the rain, you know... the way you can hear each individual drop fall on the roof of your house... Then I imagined it must've been the birds, but I ended up realizing it was coming from the attic, because I, uh, I heard the scratches... like... coming from right above me. And I thought something had gotten into the house - I live next to Helene-
"Right, so the gas station. Which one, exactly? The one you pass by going to Kaden or the other one down the road to the bridge?"
No, the one down the road. To the bridge, right next to the creek. My house is the blue one right when the town starts. I don't have any neighbors. It's Pollen Street no. 3. So, you know, I'm afraid something got into the house from the forest. It wouldn't be the first time. I just hope this time, it isn't a snake. But snakes don't scratch like that.
"Are you hearing the scratches now?"
They're really faint, but persistent. Could be rats.
*"*Okay, Emily! We'll be on our way soon."
Thank you.
I sent the team over there, but they couldn't find anything out of place. No insects, no animals. No rats.
The next call came around 10PM.
"Hello, this is XXX Exterminators, where the safety of your home is our priority. How can I help you today?"
Hello. I keep hearing these scratches and thuds coming from the ceiling, and I think it moves to the walls. I'm not sure, though, but there's definitely something in there.
"Could you describe the issue with a bit more details? Anything like that can help a lot."
The noises started like three hours ago. At first, I thought it was the pipes, but they're too... rhythmic. Like footsteps or more like something dragging its limbs through the walls. I don't understand and I can't identify the animal. It sounds big. This is an old house, and it's relatively easy to dig through it. I've never heard anything like it.
"Where is it, right now?"
I can't hear anything right now. I don't know where it went.
"Could you tell us your address?"
Pollen Street no. 7.
My stomach tensed. Could it be a coincidence? Maybe some raccoon was making its way through homes...
"All right, thank you. We'll be on our way!"
I sent the team to the location, and was left alone with Andrew, a coworker. The night had fallen and I hated night interventions, so I hoped the phone wouldn't ring again until they came back. Honestly, I was pretty relaxed. There wasn't such a high chance that I'd get any other calls for the day-
Riiiiiiing.
I lifted my head from the lasagna. Me and Andrew stared at each other.
Riiiiiiing.
It had been... what, like 30 minutes since the last call? The fuck?
Andrew raised his shoulders. I stood up and lifted the receptor.
"This is... um, XXX Exterminators. How can I help you?" I mumbled.
There was a pause on the other line, then heavy breathing.
"Sir? ... Madam? Are you okay? What happened?"
It fucking dragged something into the house.
"What do you mean? Who dragged what? Sir, be more precise."
Andrew's eyes widened. "What?" he whispered.
I shook my head and motioned to him to be quiet.
"Sir, what's going on?"
Something broke into my, my house. But there's two of them. Two... DISTINCT... bodies. Not a raccoon. Not a bird. No, and at first I thought there were two alive things, but as I listened more I realized one of them was... dragging the other. Across my attic. On my fucking ceiling. I don't even know how it got there... I ain't heard anything like climbing on the house... Like it just landed on the roof then dug down to the attic. I don't know.
"... Right."
No, I'm not done. I got scared shitless, because I thought it was a person at first. It sounded big enough to be a person. I was like, shit, it's a murderer, but that was until I heard it... eating.
*"*Eating? What do you mean?"
Andrew frowned. The fuck? he mouthed.
Yeah. I can hear this heavy thing eating right above me, and I hear the floorboard of the attic creaking. I'm afraid it's gonna come down. The thing is dragging something... heavy. Fucking hell... please just come. I wanted to call 911, but I know it's not human.
"All right. I will send someone right away. Address and name, please?"
"Who are you gonna send?" Andrew asked. "There's just us-"
Finnick Gallen. Pollen Street no. 11
Fuck me.
"Okay. Sir, we'll be on our way."
After I hung up, a moment of silence followed, where me and Andrew just stood there, perplexed.
"You know it's us that have to go there, right?" Andrew asked.
"I'd really rather not."
"Then call Walt. Ask him if they're finished there. Are the houses close to each other?"
"All three calls came from the same street. Pollen Street. Near the forest."
"Fuuck. Yeah, call them."
I dialed Walt's number. It took a while for him to pick up.
"Hi! Walt? You done there? Cause I got another call..."
"Liam, there was no one in that house."
My hand was shaking on the receptor. "What do you mean?"
"There was no creature, no person, nothing. However, the scene is rather... interesting. I'm afraid we'll be busy here for a while."
"Why?"
"The windows are broken. Furniture destroyed. The attic is covered in scratches and broken wood. And there's the blood... it's fresh. I don't know what happened here, but we need to find your caller. And the intruder. We're searching the property."
"Right." I responded, my mouth dry.
The third call had mentioned something dragging something else...
We need to find your caller.
I think I knew where he was.
I had never been so afraid. As me and Andrew put on our uniforms, I couldn't help but wonder if I should get the police involved. This was no snake, no fox, no bear. The most frustrating thing was that I didn't know what it was.
We took a deep breath and drove into the night.
Reached our destination pretty fast. I know what you'll say: if the houses' numbers were so close, why couldn't Walt just take a look at number 11 too? Well, the numbers were really far apart. This area wasn't so populated.
I reached this cabin with its lights on. We hesitated, then got out of the car and knocked on the door.
I got an instant response - Finnick opened, pale and shaking. "I am so, so glad you came."
I was used to clients being afraid. Finnick, however, was deeply shaken. His eyes were glossy and his movements irregular - he sensed the same thing I had, that something sinister was going on, but we couldn't quite label it out. I tried to remain calm.
"Sir, you can wait in the car if you want."
He didn't need to be told twice. Me and Andrew made our way upstairs, to the master bedroom.
The house looked pretty normal. Nothing out of place, and nothing broken like on number 7. The bedroom had old, creaking furniture and floors - it was undeniable that something was in the ceiling. I could hear the sound of something being torn apart, and scratching. So much scratching. The ceiling was old too, consisting in some slabs. Andrew and I took out our equipment, gathering our courage to go inside the attic.
Had the slabs always had this... red tint? I raised my hand and felt them - they were humid and smelled like metal.
"Andrew, get your gun."
Pulling the attic stairs down, I tried to be as quiet as possible. I didn't want to make our presence known.
As silent as we tried to be, the stairs creaked obnoxiously and I closed my eyes. Fuck.
The sounds upstairs stopped.
"Okay, you go first." I told Andrew.
"Fuck you", he responded, then disappeared into the darkness.
I heard his footsteps, then a loud, echoing scream that turned into an inhuman wail. My first instinct was to crouch and stay on the ground, with my hands on my ears. Then, I heard two gunshots and Andrew cursing.
More gunshots followed. Then, glass breaking and something batting its wings and wailing. The voice was not human, but had some inflexions of a woman - it made my skin crawl.
The attic window was broken, and the thing had flown away. I don't know why, but I pulled away the curtain to the bedroom and looked outside, for any signs of what it could have been.
When Andrew came back down, he was crying. I had never seen him cry.
"I saw it... I saw it... I saw hell, Liam. I looked right at it. I saw it happen."
The sweet smell from the attic made me gag. I put on my mask and went upstairs, leaving Andrew frozen, staring into a corner.
The light didn't work, so I had to use my flashlight. The floor was humid and darkened in blood, and the smell lingered, putrid and overwhelming. I couldn't understand at first what I was seeing, and at first it had no impact on me. I didn't realize I was staring at what would turn out to be the second caller.
I have never dealt with gore, so my head didn't know how to take it. I guess I knew in some sort of way that that inflated shape was supposed to be the head, and what was above it were the limbs... the stomach lay somewhere farther, and the torso was dug into. I was in shock, and the images just didn't seem real. Above the body, it had carved something on the wooden wall. Some symbol.
My face felt numb. Remaining in the same position, I made a call.
"Hey, Walt?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you guys done there?"
"Are you ok? You sound... weird."
"Yeah, um..." I blinked a few times, then cleared my voice. "Are you done there?"
"We didn't find anything. Did you guys do the other intervention?"
"Oh, yeah. We did."
"And?"
"We found the caller. Not all of him, though. And the thing is gone now. Probably resting."
"What?"
"Yeah. You might want to come."
Since then, I have been giving interviews non-stop. Asked to describe the three calls and our interventions. The creature. I told them everything.
Well, almost everything.
That night, I had looked through the window as an instinct.
I don't know why. You know how the most horrible things have a way of drawing you in.
Pulled the curtain, placed my face close to the window. I hadn't heard it fly away yet. I should have waited for it to leave.
In the darkness, I saw two eyes shimmering a few inches from mine, two eyes that looked so human, I almost thought it was my reflection I was seeing. Except, well, they were upside down, and the other parts of the face had been kind of carved into the flesh, with blood drained skin sort of stretched over them. Behind the head, large wings, made the same way. It turned its head so it wasn't upside down anymore, but the body remained exactly the same. I felt it had wanted to see me better.
Then, it pressed its forehead onto the glass. Fear paralyzed me, but I remained still. I hadn't known it had a mouth until then, when it smiled. It had no teeth, just more skin - not even gums, not even a tongue.
Then, it flew away. The rest of its body was stretched out, the limbs curved and molded from the grey flesh. I watched it disappear into the night, leaving nothing but a bloody stain on the window, where it's forehead had been.
I didn't get a lot of sleep after that. I was hesitant to return to the job, but I had no better option.
It has been exactly a week since then. As I am typing this, it is almost midnight, and I got a call earlier.
"Hello, this is XXX Exterminators, where the safety of your home is our priority. How can I help you today?"
There is something in my ceiling, scratching-
*"*Address?"
You didn't even let me finish! Pollen Street, no. 13-
*"*Ma'am, get out. Just leave. Trust me."
What?
"Yeah, fuck no we ain't helping you with that. It's beyond us. That shit needs a priest."
Are you kidding?
*"*Nope."
As I hang up, I know we can't run from that forever.
And there's this other thing I know.
My address is Hamney Lane no. 34. Right across from Pollen Street.

Good day, kind people,
I'll jump into it, I am going to make a "Lan Party" setup for my nephews during the summer, trying to get them into PC gaming as a first step and then getting them into IT by showing them the things I did to achieve what I am currently trying to do.
Like what the title suggests I want to have the minimum amount of computers for multiple players. (for old pc games, e.g Age of Empires 2 HD edition)
What I can do with my current knowledge is 1. Get one PC each which will cost the most probably, I can get refurbished Dell or hp machines that will run such games fine for 100$ more or less. but let's say 4 people will be playing at any given time, that's 400$ and I end up with e-waste after summer ends and they go back to school and they won't be learning anything awesome.

1. find an old server with as many pcie slots and get old gpus, say 4, and build a gaming server using proxmox but it is very hard to find a motherboard with 4 slots that will be compatible with an ATX case and quiet coolers.
   
2. vgpu unlock, which I miserably failed to do many times, the best I could do with it is split the gpu and get one VM to run only and others won't start, then again I still have to buy thin clients to be able to connect to the VMs ( I am more than willing to do this if it's reliable )
   
3. SRIOV, I don't think this is viable since the only hardware that supports this are intel igpus and I don't think games would be able to run with an igpu sliced into 4.
   
4. Hyper-V, which I have no clue how to do but am willing to learn if it will help my case ( I have seen videos about splitting GPUs on using Hyper-V on Windows 10 and 11 and it is very interesting )
   

anyhow, I would be glad to know if someone does have any different ideas or if I should pursue any of the above-mentioned ideas.

I have a strong no cheating stand. But, recently I have come across a lot of people who do not see cheating in a bad light as I do.
I was cheated by my last girlfriend. The basic reason was she wanted something at that time in the relationship instantly. I was trying but I was not able to meet her demands and expectations for a variety of my own reasons(not lying, I can laydown the seriousness of my reasons). I had promised to fulfil her demands in a matter of few months. My failure to meet her demands made her unhappy.
Thus, she cheated and repeatedly said one small thing - "I did it for my happiness and why shouldnt I do that for my happiness". I really had no answer. I took all the blames on myself and felt like a failure for not being able to keep her happy.
I went through therapy and I am doing better.
2 years later, I am dating a girl.
She is great with small anger issues which I can manage. But.. whats causing me trouble are her views on cheating. She said she wont cheat. But, she feels that the cheaters arent wrong to cheat if the cheater isnt happy in their primary relationship(no ifs and buts). She empathizes with cheaters. It troubles me a lot and makes me wonder whether thats really a good reason to dump/cheat someone? Am I the stupid one to have such strong stands against cheating in the present times.
Tldr - I have a strict no cheating policy. My ex cheated and justified her cheating. Also, my current gf empathizes with cheaters. I dont know if my stand against cheating is correct.

I had an abusive therapist in 2021 whom I recently, and so kindly, made a review page for on RateMDs (Canada); turns out a lot of people feel the exact same way about her, and one person claimed they are reporting her to the ethics board due to her verbal attacks.
My next therapist in 2022 was abusive, even worst than the last. It was so bad I ended up reporting to the ethics board, and the therapist is now doing coaching for the time being. If I had recorded the sessions it would have been game over for that therapist. It killed me for a long time that I didn't record the sessions.
I later sought out a new therapist; my friend warned me that the one I chose had "crazy eyes" and it was red flags all over (based on their PP profile). I should have listened.
This new therapist, Alex, almost killed me, again. He was awful. The second I walked in the room, I warily mentioned my past experience with the abusive therapist. In response, Alex started accusing me of having "destructive" behaviours - despite that I didn't tell him anything about my behaviours yet. I hadn't told him anything at all, just that I was anxious due to a past experience. I think he has issues with younger women.
I saw Alex from August 2023 - April 2024. In this time, he was immediately convinced of his own assumptions - never asked me to explain my experiences or thoughts or anything like that - confronted me constantly for things he pulled out of thin air (he would twist anything I said and then confront me for some alleged bad behaviour or cognitive distortion), and was entirely unwilling to try a different approach despite my (at first) gentle attempts to communicate that his approach wasn't working and was making me very unwell. I can gladly provide examples but it'd end up being a long ass post if I do that, so bear with me. He couldn't handle me even trying to talk about my past therapy abuse, because it was assumed to be my fault. Any dissent was "resistance" or rigidity. He refused to do trauma work despite that being the foundational problem.
He refused to let me "free associate" (psychodynamic therapy) because he was convinced it would cause me some wild regression (as if his current approach wasn't fucking me up). That is, he refused to let me speak my mind.
There was nothing for me to work with in the therapy. It wasn't grounded in reality; it was just all about how awful I am, yet not even in a way that was tangible - he could never explain himself. I was already hanging on a thread from my past abusive therapists, and I pretty quickly developed a substance use disorder (prescription) to try to cope. Began to vape nicotine constantly to try to stabilize myself. I began to isolate myself. By December 2023 I stopped going out at all - again. You know, almost died from the therapist in 2022, my life was almost ruined, and couldn't go out at all, and there I was basically back in the same place.
I never missed a single session. I even opted to increase to twice a week session in an attempt to resolve whatever was going amiss. I continuously tried to establish a working relationship with him. My self-confidence and sense of reality and self were devastated.
Anyway, March 2024 comes around and it comes out Alex diagnosed me with BPD and that was why he was so confrontational (and frankly pulling horrible things out of thin air). Now, I'm pretty darn sure I have either schizotypal or a psychotic disorder. I was under the impression he was treating me for this, as he himself said he dx'd me with schizotypal. But I was also very confused because being confrontational with the kinds of populations I fit into is exactly not what you're supposed to do and has been proven to fuck them up. It's one of the reasons I stayed so long; I just dissociated into oblivion. Not to mention the CPTSD.
I end up sending Alex an email detailing my experiences, which was hard to do. He never asked me about my experiences before (it was all about his assumptions of me), and I thought I needed to try to put an end to this, to again try to establish a working relationship.
The next session, Alex immediately begins to apologize, tells me how he misdiagnosed me, that he's been treating me for a Cluster B disorder when he should have been treating me for a Cluster A, that the "treatment" not working wasn't my fault. He also was convinced that this is what went wrong in my past therapies; that they misdiagnosed me with BPD when the issue was schizotypal, and that it just so happens that applying the confrontational treatment for BPD to schizotypal can basically end the schizotype. (TBH he was way too generous to these past therapists; all him saying that proved to me was that he never believed me in the first place.) He told me he "failed me" and that I "humbled him." He was almost crying he seemed so sorry.
I was already looking for a new therapist, but I was grateful that at least it seemed like things were set straight with Alex. I mean, I now had a substance use disorder and all the more therapy trauma, but I'm pretty happy with little. It was mutually agreed upon that the termination was due to the ways in which the misdiagnosis made the treatment inhospitable for me. It was ended amicably but I noticed he began to act weird around me, very distant, etc. I didn't think much of it, figured maybe he was more emotionally involved when he thought I had BPD for whatever reason.
Found a new therapist at the beginning of April - a formally trained, internationally-based psychoanalyst out of all things (was getting desperate) - and things are going well, finally. No therapy abuse; no issues that even closely resemble the issues I've had with the abusive therapists, etc. Things are finally "easy" with a therapist; the sailing is as smooth as it can be. Also it's entirely free association and it hasn't caused me any issues, contrary to Alex's conviction that letting me speak freely would be devestating to my wellbeing.
Well, two days ago I contacted Alex as I wanted to go to a boutique treatment centre for my prescription substance use issue and they were requesting recent past therapist notes. I thought what a better option than to have Alex send his notes with an explanation that he misdiagnosed me, that he thinks I have been misdiagnosed continuously in past therapies and that's why I've been "treatment resistant," and so on and so forth. Also, given that I developed the issue because of the stress from Alex, this way my story would be corroborated.
Alex was adamant sending his notes was a bad idea, and that the ethics board actually recommends that psychologists write summary letters of the treatment instead. I thought that was nice that Alex was looking out for me. I explained to Alex what I'm looking for in the letter (with the central focus being on the misdiagnosis issue), and that my main goal is to help prove my eligibility for the program (they only take "highly motivated" clients; it's more relaxed in terms of restrictions and what not). I agreed to pay Alex around $400 for his time. I really thought Alex and I were making further amends and that it was so nice he could have my back on this.
Alex gets back to me with the worst letter imaginable. All about how the treatment failed because of ME, how we never made any progress because of ME, that the "lack of consensus on treatment goals and methods" was a massive barrier, and that this all happened despite that the frequency was increased to twice a week (which he failed to mentioned only occurred because I requested it, in an effort to save the therapy!). He made no mention of the fact that I never missed a single therapy session or any fact that would make me sound good, not to mention that he didn't even so much as touch on the fact that the therapy failed because of HIS misdiagnosis. He made it sound like the termination occurred because of how treatment resistant I was.
He also downplayed my trauma (I asked him to speak out this in the letter), saying only how I have a family history of "neglect" and being "scapegoated." My mother would scream at me, like to the point her lungs were going to burst, as a small child until I blacked out, this continued up until I was kicked out at 18, and I have serious CPTSD. I was even diagnosed with PTSD at one point. Like? Alex is supposed to be a specialist in trauma.
So I read the letter and was confused. Got back to him assuring that I'd still pay him, but suggested maybe he remove some parts of it if he can't revise them. Told him I disagree with the reasons for termination and why the treatment didn't work out, and reminded him of the fact he misdiagnosed me. I was honestly very confused and thought maybe he forgot. Told him it's probably not helpful to minimize my trauma.
Cue a minute after I send that email, and it suddenly dawns on me. The pathetic excuse of a therapist never recorded his fuck up in my clinical file. He obviously maintained his delusional narrative within his notes, presumably to cover his ass in case I reported him or sued him for malpractice (unlikely anyway), given that his misshapen and misapplied "treatment" caused me a ton of harm due to his incompetence.
I was seeing red and sent him another email informing him that I actually recorded our final sessions in light of what happened with my previous therapist (and Alex knew about my regret of not recording those sessions, and I'd often leave my phone out during our sessions). It's one-party consent in Canada, and Alex at the very beginning told me he was fine if I recorded the sessions anyway. So yeah, I emailed Alex whilst appalled telling him all about how I recorded him stating he misdiagnosed me, was treating me for the wrong disorder, that therapy not working wasn't my fault, and so on.
Told him he can either write me a letter based on facts - facts I can corroborate given my session recordings - or I'm not paying him for shit. Told him to not even bother replying if he isn't willing to write me a letter grounded in reality. Shockingly, he never got back to me.
And now he'll never know if I was bluffing and he gets to spend the next few months in terror that I'm going to use session recordings to report him for knowingly putting false information in clinical documentation.
What the hell. He could have at least TRIED to make me sound decent in the letter given that he knew what he was saying was bullshit. I guess dissonance is a real bitch. I also don't for a second buy that if I had BPD, his shit-tier "treatment" would have magically worked. It was gaslighting and abusive. You can't just make horrible assumptions about people or create a false reality, shove that in the person's face, then gaslight them all the more when the person is fucking confused and, eventually, distraught.
What a gaslighting loser. I should legitimately report him. Leaving him a bad review as we speak.
(I have had many legitimate delusions myself and don't find the term "delusional" as a pejorative to be offensive. LMK if I should edit it out though.)

Book Your Free Consultation Today! > Discord @ shelbion

About Me

My name is Shelbion and I've been an avid League of Legends player for over a decade. In Season 4, I reached Challenger for the first time and even considered pursuing a professional career. However, after much reflection, I decided to pursue other challenges within the game.
Some of my notable achievements as a player include:

• Reaching Challenger on multiple positions.
• Participating and winning in numerous SR and 1v1 tournaments.
• Playing for various teams(Amateur and Semi-Professional).

Coaching

With over 7.000 hours of coaching experience, I fall into the category of one of the most experienced individuals in the field. My experience, passion, and ability to identify your flaws and tailor each session to your needs make me stand out as a Coach.
I've studied the techniques of renowned coaches, such as LS, MagiFelix, and others, and I've developed my unique coaching approach. So far, my approach has helped countless individuals, and over 20 teams advance their competitive play, across 5 different continents, including members of various College and University eSport Teams.
Some of my notable achievements include:

• Assisting a Diamond 2 player reach Challenger in just five weeks.
• Helping a Silver 2 player climb to Platinum in three weeks.
• Guiding a Diamond 3 player to Grandmaster in six weeks.

I am dedicated to continuously honing my skills and providing the best coaching experience possible to all of my clients, regardless of their rank or location.

Subscription Based Coaching

• One Individual Session (Monthly)
• Group Sessions (Weekly) x2
• Priority Coaching - Price: 99.99 > 49.99$.

Verifications & Certifications

• Certified IFOEC (International Federation of eSport Coaches) Educator & Coach.
• Certified EHPI (eSports Health & Performance) Professional.
• University of Irvine eSport Specialization
• Verified Coachify & Metafy Partner.

Community

In addition to my experience as a Player, I am also the Founder of Noxus Coaching - a rapidly growing, educational community on Discord. Our community is a great place to find new friends to play with, have a good time, and most importantly, improve your skills.
We hold various events on a weekly basis, including 1v1 & 5v5 tournaments, meme contests, and more. There are plenty of rewards to be won, including free coaching sessions with me. To join our community, visit https://discord.gg/RHW9BMxRd5 and message me upon joining to receive your role.

Podcast

• Podcast Appearance > https://youtu.be/4jn4FXOaOlE?si=98POLUJdJeSNnbiW

How Does it Work?

We will schedule an initial Interview during which we can discuss your goals and I can provide a more detailed explanation of my coaching services. This interview will typically last for 3-5 minutes.
The First Session is designed to assess your current level of gameplay and identify areas for improvement. After conducting an analysis, I will create a Personalized Coaching Plan tailored to your specific needs. This plan will outline a series of sessions designed to maximize your improvement.
The Coaching Plan may include various session types, such as:

• Theory sessions: These sessions will cover key concepts such as wave management, vision, decision making, and more.
• Practical sessions: These sessions will either be VOD reviews or live games, and will be used to put theoretical knowledge into practice and analyze gameplay.
• Reviews: These sessions will occur periodically and will be used as checkpoints to track your progress and identify any additional areas for improvement.

All sessions will be personalized and created specifically for each student's needs. By following this plan, you can feel confident that you are taking the most effective steps to achieve your goals.

Personalized Support (Available 24/7)

In addition to the structured coaching sessions, I offer personalized support to my clients on a 24/7 basis. Whether you have a specific question or just want to debrief after a tough game, I am always available to help. Simply message me and I will respond as quickly as possible.

AvailabilityPricesPayments

I am able to cover any server and any timezone! Rates for both Private and Team coaching are negotiable. We will easily get the sessions to fit your budget and your needs.
Payments are usually done through PayPal, however other forms of Payment such as Direct Transfer can be discussed.

Contact

Main form of contact is Discord on which you can find me at shelbion (Or Shelbion#8832)
Feel free to message me either on Discord or through a Direct Message on Reddit and I will come back to you as quickly as possible.

Book Your Free Consultation Today! > Discord @ shelbion

About Me

My name is Shelbion and I've been an avid League of Legends player for over a decade. In Season 4, I reached Challenger for the first time and even considered pursuing a professional career. However, after much reflection, I decided to pursue other challenges within the game.
Some of my notable achievements as a player include:

• Reaching Challenger on multiple positions.
• Participating and winning in numerous SR and 1v1 tournaments.
• Playing for various teams(Amateur and Semi-Professional).

Coaching

With over 7.000 hours of coaching experience, I fall into the category of one of the most experienced individuals in the field. My experience, passion, and ability to identify your flaws and tailor each session to your needs make me stand out as a Coach.
I've studied the techniques of renowned coaches, such as LS, MagiFelix, and others, and I've developed my unique coaching approach. So far, my approach has helped countless individuals, and over 20 teams advance their competitive play, across 5 different continents, including members of various College and University eSport Teams.
Some of my notable achievements include:

• Assisting a Diamond 2 player reach Challenger in just five weeks.
• Helping a Silver 2 player climb to Platinum in three weeks.
• Guiding a Diamond 3 player to Grandmaster in six weeks.

I am dedicated to continuously honing my skills and providing the best coaching experience possible to all of my clients, regardless of their rank or location.

Subscription Based Coaching

• One Individual Session (Monthly)
• Group Sessions (Weekly) x2
• Priority Coaching - Price: 99.99 > 49.99$.

Verifications & Certifications

• Certified IFOEC (International Federation of eSport Coaches) Educator & Coach.
• Certified EHPI (eSports Health & Performance) Professional.
• University of Irvine eSport Specialization
• Verified Coachify & Metafy Partner.

Community

In addition to my experience as a Player, I am also the Founder of Noxus Coaching - a rapidly growing, educational community on Discord. Our community is a great place to find new friends to play with, have a good time, and most importantly, improve your skills.
We hold various events on a weekly basis, including 1v1 & 5v5 tournaments, meme contests, and more. There are plenty of rewards to be won, including free coaching sessions with me. To join our community, visit https://discord.gg/RHW9BMxRd5 and message me upon joining to receive your role.

Podcast

• Podcast Appearance > https://youtu.be/4jn4FXOaOlE?si=98POLUJdJeSNnbiW

How Does it Work?

We will schedule an initial Interview during which we can discuss your goals and I can provide a more detailed explanation of my coaching services. This interview will typically last for 3-5 minutes.
The First Session is designed to assess your current level of gameplay and identify areas for improvement. After conducting an analysis, I will create a Personalized Coaching Plan tailored to your specific needs. This plan will outline a series of sessions designed to maximize your improvement.
The Coaching Plan may include various session types, such as:

• Theory sessions: These sessions will cover key concepts such as wave management, vision, decision making, and more.
• Practical sessions: These sessions will either be VOD reviews or live games, and will be used to put theoretical knowledge into practice and analyze gameplay.
• Reviews: These sessions will occur periodically and will be used as checkpoints to track your progress and identify any additional areas for improvement.

All sessions will be personalized and created specifically for each student's needs. By following this plan, you can feel confident that you are taking the most effective steps to achieve your goals.

Personalized Support (Available 24/7)

In addition to the structured coaching sessions, I offer personalized support to my clients on a 24/7 basis. Whether you have a specific question or just want to debrief after a tough game, I am always available to help. Simply message me and I will respond as quickly as possible.

AvailabilityPricesPayments

I am able to cover any server and any timezone! Rates for both Private and Team coaching are negotiable. We will easily get the sessions to fit your budget and your needs.
Payments are usually done through PayPal, however other forms of Payment such as Direct Transfer can be discussed.

Contact

Main form of contact is Discord on which you can find me at shelbion (Or Shelbion#8832)
Feel free to message me either on Discord or through a Direct Message on Reddit and I will come back to you as quickly as possible.

Book Your Free Consultation Today! > Discord @ shelbion

About Me

My name is Shelbion and I've been an avid League of Legends player for over a decade. In Season 4, I reached Challenger for the first time and even considered pursuing a professional career. However, after much reflection, I decided to pursue other challenges within the game.
Some of my notable achievements as a player include:

• Reaching Challenger on multiple positions.
• Participating and winning in numerous SR and 1v1 tournaments.
• Playing for various teams(Amateur and Semi-Professional).

Coaching

With over 7.000 hours of coaching experience, I fall into the category of one of the most experienced individuals in the field. My experience, passion, and ability to identify your flaws and tailor each session to your needs make me stand out as a Coach.
I've studied the techniques of renowned coaches, such as LS, MagiFelix, and others, and I've developed my unique coaching approach. So far, my approach has helped countless individuals, and over 20 teams advance their competitive play, across 5 different continents, including members of various College and University eSport Teams.
Some of my notable achievements include:

• Assisting a Diamond 2 player reach Challenger in just five weeks.
• Helping a Silver 2 player climb to Platinum in three weeks.
• Guiding a Diamond 3 player to Grandmaster in six weeks.

I am dedicated to continuously honing my skills and providing the best coaching experience possible to all of my clients, regardless of their rank or location.

Subscription Based Coaching

• One Individual Session (Monthly)
• Group Sessions (Weekly) x2
• Priority Coaching - Price: 99.99 > 49.99$.

Verifications & Certifications

• Certified IFOEC (International Federation of eSport Coaches) Educator & Coach.
• Certified EHPI (eSports Health & Performance) Professional.
• University of Irvine eSport Specialization
• Verified Coachify & Metafy Partner.

Community

In addition to my experience as a Player, I am also the Founder of Noxus Coaching - a rapidly growing, educational community on Discord. Our community is a great place to find new friends to play with, have a good time, and most importantly, improve your skills.
We hold various events on a weekly basis, including 1v1 & 5v5 tournaments, meme contests, and more. There are plenty of rewards to be won, including free coaching sessions with me. To join our community, visit https://discord.gg/RHW9BMxRd5 and message me upon joining to receive your role.

Podcast

• Podcast Appearance > https://youtu.be/4jn4FXOaOlE?si=98POLUJdJeSNnbiW

How Does it Work?

We will schedule an initial Interview during which we can discuss your goals and I can provide a more detailed explanation of my coaching services. This interview will typically last for 3-5 minutes.
The First Session is designed to assess your current level of gameplay and identify areas for improvement. After conducting an analysis, I will create a Personalized Coaching Plan tailored to your specific needs. This plan will outline a series of sessions designed to maximize your improvement.
The Coaching Plan may include various session types, such as:

• Theory sessions: These sessions will cover key concepts such as wave management, vision, decision making, and more.
• Practical sessions: These sessions will either be VOD reviews or live games, and will be used to put theoretical knowledge into practice and analyze gameplay.
• Reviews: These sessions will occur periodically and will be used as checkpoints to track your progress and identify any additional areas for improvement.

All sessions will be personalized and created specifically for each student's needs. By following this plan, you can feel confident that you are taking the most effective steps to achieve your goals.

Personalized Support (Available 24/7)

In addition to the structured coaching sessions, I offer personalized support to my clients on a 24/7 basis. Whether you have a specific question or just want to debrief after a tough game, I am always available to help. Simply message me and I will respond as quickly as possible.

AvailabilityPricesPayments

I am able to cover any server and any timezone! Rates for both Private and Team coaching are negotiable. We will easily get the sessions to fit your budget and your needs.
Payments are usually done through PayPal, however other forms of Payment such as Direct Transfer can be discussed.

Contact

Main form of contact is Discord on which you can find me at shelbion (Or Shelbion#8832)
Feel free to message me either on Discord or through a Direct Message on Reddit and I will come back to you as quickly as possible.

Husband of 20 years is probably cheating on me. So here it goes, sll of my dirty secrets.
I, 45f been married to my husband 46, male for over 20 years to a man I met in my early 20’s. We have been very best friends since the day we met but it has been a rocky relationship. I am from an abusive alcoholic family and I was for a time blissfully an alcoholic along with the family. This of coarse was problematic when looking for a date. More than one boyfriend broke up with me because I drank too much, partied too hard and studied too little. Cue in my dream man, he’s responsible, well educated and a heavy drinker. We partied all night and he got up the next day, no matter how hungover and went to work. My mom said that this is normal, it’s how it’s supposed to be. If a man makes it to work everyday then he’s not an alcoholic. By her definition, only a man who misses work can be accused of drinking too much.
I married this replica of my father and for many blissful years we were married and we partied and drank. We’d drink a bottle or two of wine a few nights a week and on weekends we’d stay up all night, often having parties at our home. It was grand fun, until we had kids. All of the sudden I had to handle night feedings and morning diaper changes while tipsy, drunk or hungover. It didn’t take me long to quit, I had already quit for 9 months while pregnant and I had gotten the idea that life is better sober. But my partner didn’t agree. He was drunk most nights while I was pregnant. When I got annoyed and asked him to quit he hid the bottles. I had a second child with him in spite of the drinking (I wanted a matching set), not my best decision but I don’t regret it. When I was at the hospital he looked exhausted so I sent him home to rest. He went home and drank himself into a stupor. My mom had to drive me home from the hospital and when we got home, he was passed out on the living room floor. He slept for another 10 hours like that and he was drunk the entire first week of my daughter’s life. I had to ask my mom to help care for her since I’d had complications with the birth and had over 30 stitches.
His drinking went on for years with me going from kicking him out of the home to drinking with him. Often I would plead with him to quit and he’d refuse. On 4 occasions we separated, each time selling our home and dividing the property. But he’d get sober and he was always very sorry. At this point we had two kids and I needed the help.
Over time things got better and he went years and years without drinking. I had quit altogether after our first child. In fact things go so much better that he asked to start drinking again. He rationalized that he had been sober for 5 years and that he can handle one of two drinks a week. I agreed under the following terms, he can have up to two drinks with dinner once a week. I know this is a terrible decision, I think it’s fair to say that there is a pattern here of gawd awful decisions on my part. This 2 drink agreement lasted a few months but of course two drinks turned into 3, then it turned into a couple nights a week. I saw it was getting out of hand and I banned drinking again.
In the meantime my partner has gotten substantially better looking. It’s through a combination of favourable genetics, some recent work done and some excellent supplements. He aged well going from a 6.5 in his 20’s to a current day 8.5. More than that he’d recently opened a business and it was booming. For the first time in our married life he started to out earn me. For the first 20 years I was the primary wage earner, but now he’s making the more than me (this is temporary as my wage is about to pick up). The woman are noticing him and It’s not lost on me or him. We went to Mexico last year and women were practically following him around and throwing themselves at him. We go out to eat and woman hit on him. They hit on him at the grocery store and they hit on him at work. To his credit he does not respond to this in front of me or the kids. Nor have I ever heard of him hitting on somebody.
I’m a solid 7 - 7.5. I’ve aged okay, I look decent, I’m maybe a little heavier as size 10. But I’m not a hot young thing giggling at him. I am a wife and a mother, so not always sexy, but still quite a lot prettier than average. But realistically on the open market, I’m probably not attracting an 8.5 that earns his kind of money.
About 8 months ago he started coming home from work drunk. He was hiding it but I could smell the booze on his breath. He claimed it was heartburn but I knew better and I ignored it. I just wanted everything to be okay. There was a woman he was working with, he claimed to hate her, she seemed overly interested in him. There were a few incidents, that made me suspicious but he claimed he hated her. He was never home late from work. She moved away and he seemed fine and I was relieved. But a few months after this the drinking started, along with my denial. I guess I kinda figured that who cares if he cheated, she moved away. Now we can get on with our lives.
Recently he’s coming home from work late, but not too late. It’s an hour late here and there. Sometimes he’d claim that he’d have to stay an extra hour. A few times he went completely missing and claimed to have fallen asleep at the office. The problem is that I don’t really know his hours, it’s possible he’s done earlier. For context, he is self employed and rents a space. But other people rent spaces there too,
He’s been coming home drunker and drunker lately while still denying he’s been drinking. I’m ashamed to admit it but I ignored it to the point where I let him drive the kids a few times like that. I was just so far into denial, but I knew somewhere deep down that he was drunk.
He’s normally off work at 5pm and in the car by 5:10pm. But lately he’s not in the car until 5:45pm, ignoring my calls and sometimes coming into the house as late as 6pm. I mean it’s only 45 minutes right? A few times he’d go missing until 7:30 or 8pm and he’d say that he hate a late client appointment and had told me but I forgot. Strangely he’s never hungry when he gets home, in spite of being at work all day. In fact he’s not hungry 2 - 3 times a week. He told me that his stomach is bothering him.
Last night he went missing so I went to his office to look for him. I found him asleep in his office alone with an empty bottle of hard alcohol on his desk. I checked his office drawer and it was full of empty bottles. The office is a disaster, messy and all that. I’m not sure how he sees clients in a room like that and I’m worried that he’s taking appointments drunk. His business is doing really well and building it up was a joint effort. I’m worried that his drinking will destroy everything we built.
I woke him up and he was visibly drunk. He told me that he wants to stay at the office to sleep it off and that no he doesn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t come home. It’s been 6 hours. The thing is, that he hates sleeping in his work clothes and his office is desperately uncomfortable. I just don’t see him staying there overnight alone.
When the drinking flared up 6 months ago, it was just him drinking alone. But when he was sober he was still my best friend. But over time he’s stopped responding when I speak. He tells me that he drinks because he can’t stand to listen to my problems anymore. If I ask him about his day I get a one word answer. More and more he looks at me with contempt while drinking. But even stranger, he wants sex more often, I don’t know why this is. But he’s weird about it and hounding me. He’s going on and on about how to wants to try a sex position we’ve never done, talking about how much he likes it. He’s also looking over my shoulder and checking my phone, which is new. it’s intrusive as I don’t even know his passcode and feel no temptation to check his phone.
He gets paid in cash and has a drawer full of it at the office so I can’t check his cards.
Now I know what you are going to say. He’s definitely cheating, I mean he probably is. But we live in a no fault place so what does it matter if I get proof or not? Also I have two kids to think of and we aren’t in a financial position to leave. I will need time to pay down our joint debt and I need a new job. I’m thinking that the best course of action is to stay silent and improve my situation so that I can support my kids and myself. I think this works for him too as he doesn’t want to get stuck with all sorts of child support or alimony. Giving me time to get back on my feet and improve my financial position works for both of us.
The thing is that if I even bring up getting divorced or separated he says that I am the light of his life. He says that he loves me and that I’m his best friend. He says that he doesn’t want to leave. Then I feel so badly. If I even broach the topic of separating, he’ll shut it down so quickly. He’s overwhelming and persistent and he out talks me. I think there’s no use in talking it out and I don’t see us living together well under some sort of “arrangement”.
Do you have any advice on what to do next? Do you have any idea why he’s acting this way? If he wants to separate why not just do it? Also what’s with the increased sex drive?
One of the oddities is that I’ve been doing really great lately. I’ve lost some weight, my hair is looking good. My business sucks but I’ve been taking on new gigs and retraining. I’m becoming a person that I’m really proud of and every day seems to be getting better. But the better I do, the more contempt he seems to have for me. I can see the bitterness in his drunkenness. And he gets drunks on nights when I have to work and when I have something important going on. He blames the drinking on me. He says that I only talk about myself (maybe I do, I’m trying to improve). He says that I ask too much of him and that I make him contribute to the house too much but I do 100% of the grocery shopping, cooking, lunches, school stuff, homework and kids activities. He comes home and goes straight to bed while complaining that he’s doing too much. Meanwhile I’m breaking myself trying to make the home perfect enough.
Is there any chance that he’s just old and tired and not cheating? I mean he’s only missing for 45 minutes a day? I should mention that he’s stopped answering my calls during the workday and stopped reading my texts.
The weird thing is that I felt relieved to find him surrounded by booze bottles and I’m glad he’s done tonight. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life begging him to be sober. Tonight I could see the contempt in his eyes towards me. I just don’t know that I can move past it. I think I just want to be free from this now.
Do you have any advice? I’ve never been through anything like this and I could use some support and guidance.
I think that taking 4 - 6 months to resolve the situation might be best. This gives me time to find a new job and to pay down some debt and bolster savings.

We’re getting heat pumps added to our home in the next two weeks. 1 unit, 4 heads.
They’ll also be swapping out the indirect hot water tank with a heat pump hot water tank.
I know the basics of plumbing and hvac but I’m wondering, from a clients perspective, how to know that installers did a good job.
So many posts of people posting photos wondering after the job has been done. Would it be annoying to have the hvac and plumbing techs give me a full rundown of what they did? So I can learn and inspect it at the same time?
Is this a thing customers do? It’s our first big job like this in the house so it’s kinda new territory for me. I want to be respectful of time and agreed-upon work.

If Jace condones or plans B&C, it would be very bad, worse than when Dt killed his wife - second only to Rhaenys' casual Terrorism
DARK AND EDGY DOESN'T EQUAL MORE INTERESTING.

• A character being evil doesn't mean better written or more interesting. In most cases, just making a character evil is a surefire way to ruin the character.
• Yes, Jace beat his bro once, so did his elder bro - about 40 times. That means tomorrow, if he kills or doesn't bat an eye at the murder of children (for revenge) and nothing else, we should have seen it coming.
• Remember in GoT, Jon, Robb, and Sansa, even Tyrion and Arya, who go ultra-dark, are basically in the same situation Jace is in right now, and they never had any ill will toward Tommen and Myrcella. Most of them even think fondly of them (but for Tyrion that one time).

This is Jace we're talking about, the same guy who was spooked by Daemon and Ceraxes threatening some KG. Two days later, he's with Mysaria plotting the greatest scheme in CK AGOT history. Jace's dynamic with Daemon was one of the more interesting parts of his character in season, and they should lean way more into it to make him and Dragonstone more interesting. Here's how it should be done:
TURMOIL ON DRAGONSTONE, TEAM BLACK INNER CONFLICT
Reddit recently introduced a theory that season two will split up the black into two camps. The radicals [Daemon, Jace, Baela, and Mysaria] and the Conservatives [Rhaenyra, Rhaenys, and Corlys]. I love this idea, as internal conflict, when done right, is better than external. But the team doesn't make sense.
Radicals should be Mysaria, Daemon, Rhaenyra (Them going rogue was meant to be the point of the final scene of S1). Conservatives are Rhaenys, Corlys, and the Kids.
Firstly, kids who aren't Joffrey or Ramsey should have a predisposition for Honorable warfare. As proven earlier with the KG loyalty, this scene is where Jace leans. Also, Baela was raised by Rhaenys and should logically lean to her side.
Daemon and Rhaenyra already murdered a man in cold blood, almost jokingly. They should be the ones cool with child murder, not the kids. If you want to make Jace and Baela interesting, here are some ideas for you:
P.S: Rhaenyra shouldn't be cool with B&C, but she shouldn't be completely shut off to Daemon and Mysaria. Rhaenyra is Dragonstone, Rhaenyra is the realm. The point of two opposing Camps should be to pull Rhaenyra in both directions and give her hard choices.
Now concerning Jace and Baela:
a)Jace (The angel on the queen's shoulder):
It would make sense that, similar to Davos, Jace (alongside Rhaenys) should be a voice of reason for Stannis, I mean Rhaenyra, counteracting DT and Mysaria.
Also, similar to Davos, Jace's conflict should be to convince himself first, then others, that his monarch is just, despite the f-uped things they do, while also being antagonistic to the devils whispering at court (Mysaria and Melisandre).
Davos convinces Sala (Legendary Sailor), the King's Men (Different gods), and the Manderlers (honorable knights) to back Stannis. Jace convinces Corlys (Legendary Sailor), the Northmen (Different gods), and the Manderlers and Knights of the Vale (honorable knights) to back Nyra.
b) Baela (Torn Between two Parents):
Baela has two parents, Daemon and Rhaenys, who happen to be leaders of both factions on Dragonstone. Baela for now leans heavily towards Rhaenys, but she has just been reunited with daddy. Couple that with Luke's murder, the internal conflict the B&C should cause, and the fact that they are at war, and her morality is being slowly chipped away in time for Rooks Rest. After that, she can go either way - Ruthless radicalism to revenge Grandma and protect Lil' Bros and Lil' Sis, or dial it back to honor Grandma.
If she swings towards Ruthlessness, that is good conflict between her and Jace instead of "I'm mad you cheated on me even though we haven't seen each other in 8 years" (Also parallel to Jon being shocked by Val's ruthlessness when it concerned Shireen and Freefolk rights).
BONUS: THEORY OR RATHER PITCH ON JACE'S FUTURE
Jace should die at Tumbleton, not the Gullet. The only effect Jace's death has in the book is it gets Rhaenyra out of the hospital bed. Plus, that death is super anti-climatic, second only to Daeron's. Now imagine this:

• Jace is betrayed by his dragonseeds at Tumbleton, and Cregan is also present at Tumbleton and escapes.
• So we have Jace dying because a frankly stupid decision of his (sharing nukes), in the presence of his bro, and he would be avenged by his two Bros (Addam and Cregan).
• Maybe Cregan flees to the God's Eyes. Maybe Jace refuses Baela from coming with him, and he would have won if Baela was by his side. Also, Daeron will be present, and Daeron is Jace's rival (Maybe he almost beats Daeron, and that is when Hugh betrays him).

You can see a death at Tumbleton is far more satisfying for Jace than shot by an arrow when he flew "too low".
Potential Ramifications of Jace's Death:

• Aegon attacks Dragonstone now that Jace isn't coming back.
• Rhaenyra needs vengeance, and Addam and Nettles are scapegoats instead of "I hate bastard and your smashing my Uncle". Also, Mysaria, the Daemon on her shoulder, has free reign now that both Angels, Rhaenys and Jace, are dead.

This would probably not happen, but it was good to get my ideas out there.