Midget babes

The next morning, Himiko was awakened by a delighted scream. She shot up in her bed and saw Tenko dancing around the room.
"Nyeh...Tenko? W-What's going on?" Himiko asked sleepily, rubbing her eyes.
"La-la-la-la-la-laaaaaa!!" Tenko sang. Then, she stopped at Himiko's bed and gripped Himiko's shoulders like a crazy person. "Himiko! I ate your Snoozydoodles right before bed, like you told me to, and I just had the most amazing dream!!"
"What was it about?" Himiko asked.
"There were no degenerate males in the world! And all the girls made me their queen!" Tenko sighed. "It was perfect utopia! A utopia...for girls! The sky was pastel pink! The clouds were extra puffy and white! The ocean was also pink and glittery, and all the food we ate was pink, like strawberry cake, strawberry ice cream, strawberry cupcakes, and strawberry milk! And girls of every shape, size, and color were everywhere! Not a degenerate male in sight!"
"Nyeh...a dream filled with just girls sounds like a nightmare," Himiko muttered. "Most problems I had with bullying was from catty, popular girls."
"W-What?! There's no way that's true, Himiko!" Tenko cried. "Maybe they were males in disguise!"
"No, I don't think so," Himiko shook her head. "Plus, a world with just girls is going to lead to extinction."
"Not in my dream!" Tenko exclaimed happily. "Girls were born from 'Girl Flowers!'"
"Nyeeeh...girl flowers? " Himiko asked, raising a brow.
"Yeah! You plant a pink seed into the ground, and when it grows, the petals open up and reveal a beautiful baby girl inside!" Tenko gushed. "It was so amazing! Girls, girls, girls everywhere!" Himiko wrinkled her nose.
"I bet it smelled like fish in that world," she muttered.
"Fish?! Why would it smell like-...oh! Hahahaha!" Tenko said. "No, no, Himiko! We didn't have to deal with that because there was need for it! All the girls came from 'Girl Flowers,' remember?"
"Oh...I guess that's true," Himiko replied, shaking her head at the absurdity. Suddenly, there was a knock at their door. Tenko went over to open it. Standing on the other side were Tsumugi, Angie, Maki, Miu, Gonta, Ryoma, and Kaito.
"Hey! What are you all doing here?!" Tenko demanded. "Especially you degenerates!" Ignoring Tenko, they all rushed right in and crowded around Himiko's bed. Himiko nervously pulled her blanket up to her face.
"Nyeh...c-can I help you guys?" she whimpered.
"I had the most wonderful dream because of your cookies, Himiko!" Angie chirped. "Everyone in the whole wide world became a follower of Atua, and was welcomed into his kingdom!"
"I had a dream that I finally went to space!" Kaito exclaimed. "And I became the world's best astronaut for discovering a lot of alien civilizations! Everyone voted for me to be president of Earth!"
"There's no way such a title exists," Maki said, shaking her head.
"Well, maybe not in real life, but that's how it was in my dream!" Kaito said. "But, anyways, what was your dream about, Maki Roll?" Everyone turned to Maki, curious to what kind of dream she had. She blushed.
"I'd...rather not talk about it," she grumbled. "It's too dumb."
"Just tell us already, Judge Moody!" Miu spat impatiently. Maki glared at her, then sighed.
"Fine..." she said. "I had a dream where I wasn't an orphan, and I had real, actual parents who loved me. And I was happy and nice to everyone, and I didn't have to worry about being an assassin and stealing peoples' lives." Everyone stared in stunned silence at her. Maki sighed gloomily. "See? I told you it was dumb."
"Geez, that's not dumb at all," Ryoma said. "Sounds similar to my dream, though, I would agree if you had said that wishing for it to happen would be dumb."
"What do you mean, Ryoma?" asked Tsumugi.
"It's pointless to dream or wish for something that will never come true," Ryoma explained. "Even though my dream was...surprisingly delightful, it also felt like a punch in the gut. Hmph...I don't know whether to call that dream a blessing, or a curse."
"What was your dream about?" Kaito asked.
"Well, I'll tell you, but it is depressing," Ryoma warned. "My girlfriend hadn't been killed, and I was back home with her and my cat. And I didn't even play tennis, I wasn't even an Ultimate student. I was a regular guy."
"That doesn't sound depressing at all!" Kaito said.
"But, the fact that it'll never come true is what makes it depressing," Ryoma said. "That's why I say, dreams like that are pointless. It's better to forget about the past and move on with your life"
"Bullshit!" Kaito exclaimed. "C'mon, man, stop whining about how depressing your life is! You say that wishing for the impossible is dumb and it was all in the past, or whatever, so why the hell are you still depressed? If you truly believed that you should move on, you should stop worryin' about the past and look to the future with bright hopes! That goes for you, too, Maki!"
"What? Why me?" Maki asked.
"It's true that you can't change the past, and maybe wishing for it to change is dumb," Kaito explained. "But, if you're still depressed about what happened in the past, it means you can't let go of what happened! You're not moving on! Moving on is accepting what happened, and doing whatever you can to make your life better! Instead of wishing to undo the past, wish for a brighter future! That goes for all of you!" The room fell silent as they stared at Kaito.
"So, anyway, my dream was about me actually becoming the characters that I cosplay!" Tsumugi said, breaking the silence.
"Hey! Don't just ignore my inspirational speech!" Kaito exclaimed angrily.
"It really wasn't all that inspiring," Tsumugi said, haughtily waving him off.
"Seriously! Nobody asked for your opinion, Mahatma Ghandeez Nuts!" Miu said to Kaito.
"W-What?! " Kaito exclaimed.
"Ha! In my dream, I was the world's best inventor!" Miu said grandly. "With my inventions, I was able to rid the world of starvation, war, violence, famine, and all that other bad shit! And everyone loved me! All the guys on the planet wanted to bang me, and my boobs grew a size bigger!"
"Um...can you not share your dreams?" Tsumugi said. "I feel like every time you speak, I want to do unspeakably horrible things to you."
"Shut the hell up, you four-eyed, lamebrain otaku! " Miu spat. "You're just jealous because you have two deflated balloons for chest!"
"Um...can Gonta share dream, now?" Gonta asked.
"Yes, Gonta, go ahead," Tsumugi replied, eager to not have to listen to Miu anymore.
"Gonta was king of bugs!" Gonta replied. "Everyone in world loved bugs, and loved King Gonta!"
"Tuh...that dream sounds stupid as shit!" Miu scoffed.
"Oh! G-Gonta sorry..." Gonta apologized with a hurt expression.
"You don't have to apologize to her, Gonta," Tsumugi said, glaring at Miu.
"You want someone to apologize to, apologize to all of us for wastin' our time!" Miu spat to Gonta.
"Hey! Cut it out, Miu! Stop yellin' at him!" Kaito yelled.
"Don't tell me what to do, Luke Skyfucker!" Miu shouted back.
"Stop callin' me names!" Kaito yelled back.
"H-Hey! Why everyone fighting?" Gonta asked. "Gonta not mean to start fight!"
"Leave it up to a degenerate male to start a fight!" Tenko growled, glaring at Gonta.
"If you guys don't stop fighting, Atua will unleash his holy wrath upon you all," Angie warned with a creepy grin.
"Nobody asked you, you kooky cult bitch!" Miu said, swatting at Angie. "All y'all are just jealous because my dream was better that yours!"
"Excuse me?!" Tsumugi cried.
"Yeah! Obviously mine was the best one!" Kaito exclaimed.
"You're plainly wrong! Mine was the best one!" Tsumugi said.
"No, it was mine!" Tenko shouted.
"Nuh-uuuhhhh...it was mi-iiiine," Angie said cheerfully.
"Um...Gonta thinks Gonta's was pretty good," Gonta said diplomatically.
"Sheesh...I can't believe everyone is getting so worked up over this," Ryoma said.
"Seriously. It's stupid to be fighting over something like this," Maki agreed.
"Well, I don't think it's stupid at all!" Tsumugi said.
"Yeah! In fact, I want another dream!" Miu said. Everyone turned to Himiko, who had been staring at them in horrified silence. "You better whip us up some more cookies, ya little midget, or else!"
"Well, um...you'll have to wait next weekend," Himiko replied in a small voice.
"I ain't waitin' that long!" Miu spat. "So, chop, chop! Get to makin' those damn cookies right now!"
"Nyeh, but...what about school?" Himiko asked.
"Himiko's right, we need to get ready for school," Maki said. But...I think I'd also like more of the cookies." Everyone turned to her in surprise.
"Wait...really, Maki?" Tsumugi asked.
"It was...a really good-tasting cookie...that's all," Maki mumbled, fiddling with one of her pigtails.
"Or is it because you liked your dream?" Angie teased. Maki frowned at her.
"Shut up," she said.
"I...agree with Maki," Ryoma said. "I want to see if I would have a different dream. One that's more...sensible."
"A dream that's...sensible? " Tsumugi repeated.
"Yeah...one that keeps me away from my past," Ryoma explained. "Do you think you can do that for me, Himiko?"
"Nyeh...okay," Himiko said. She knew exactly how to do just that.
Part Twelve
"What was all that ruckus about earlier, Monkey Buns?" Kokichi asked as he and Himiko walked together to school.
"Nyeh...just as I was hoping, my Snoozydoodles gave everyone dreams," Himiko replied. "But, when everyone that I gave them to was talking about their dreams, things got a little out of hand."
"Was that the effect of the magic?" Kokichi asked.
"Well, no...that was because Miu was being her usual, annoying self, and then Tsumugi said something, then Miu snapped back at her, then everything sorta erupted into chaos," Himiko explained.
"Didn't you say a while ago that the dream powder can be addictive?" Kokichi asked. Himiko sighed.
"Yeah...even small doses of the dream powder might cause someone to be addicted," she said. "But, it works really well, and that's why I wanted to put it in my cookies."
"Hmm...I hope you know what you're doing, Himiko," Kokichi said.
"Well...I have another idea where the dream powder might be not as addictive...but the effects will be just as good?" Himiko said with a bit of uncertainty. Then, she blushed. "I...used this method to dream about you before we started dating." Kokichi raised his eyebrows at her.
"Really?!" he exclaimed, grinning.
"Yeah...I had to steal your hair while you were asleep to do it, though," Himiko said quietly.
"Yeah, that's not creepy at all," Kokichi teased, wrapping his arm around Himiko's waist, and giving her a kiss on the cheek. A mischievous grin crossed his lips. "I wanna know what this other method is."
***
Friday night had arrived. Kokichi was with Himiko in her secret magic room. She was flipping through the spellbook titled, "Inside the Magical Mind." Himiko showed Kokichi the chapter "Build the Perfect Dream," specifically, the romance section.
"Nyeh...these are potions I used to have dreams about you," she explained to him, and pointed to the different dreams. "This is the 'sweet love dream' potion, the 'spicy love dream' potion, and the 'hot and steamy love dream' potion." Kokichi read the description of each dream, his impish grin growing larger across his face as he read.
"So, you drank all of those potions?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.
"Well, one night, I drank the first one, then the next night, I drank the second," Himiko said. "I secretly gave the last one to Miu, because I was too scared to drink it myself."
"Ugh! You gave it to Miu?! " Kokichi exclaimed in disgust.

"Well...I-I'd feel dirty having the last dream!" Himiko stammered.
"Well, then, why'd you make that potion in the first place?" Kokichi asked.
"Because I was curious!" Himiko said. "But, then my curiosity was replaced by fear and feeling dirty, so I gave it to Miu. It's a good thing I did, too, because..."
"Cuz, why...?" Kokichi asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because she was doing very...dirty things with you," Himiko replied. "Yeah...we were having our monthly slumber party, and in the middle of it all, Miu was dreaming and...nyeh...screaming."
"AAAUUUUGGHHHH!!! GROSS!!" Kokichi exclaimed, covering his ears. "I don't wanna do it with her!! "
"Well, she did say that you said that to her in her dream," Himiko said. "But, you only did it to get her to shut up because she kept begging you."
"Ew, I don't care," Kokichi muttered. "There's no excuse to condone bestiality." Himiko sighed and gave Kokichi a playful swat. Kokichi laughed, then eyed her flirtatiously. "Besides, my body only belongs to you...Himiko." Himiko blushed and lowered her head. Every time he said her name like that, it got her heart pumping like crazy. "My body...is your body." Kokichi lifted her chin to turn her head to him. "Mi cuerpo...es su cuerpo, y mi corazón...es su corazón."
"Ohhhh...Kokichiiii...!" Himiko gurgled with delight, biting her lip. She didn't know Spanish, but he made it sound so good. Kokichi leaned in to give her a passionate kiss.
"Okay, that's enough!" he said, stopping the kiss abruptly.
"W-What?! Wait! No! Moooore...!" Himiko pouted, tugging on Kokichi's sleeve. "I want mooore."
"Nuh-uh, Monkey Buns. Tomorrow is another cookie sale, so we can't get distracted right now. We gotta make these cookies like Hiro...baked! " Kokichi said.
"O-kaaaayyy..." Himiko pouted.
"M'kay, so how are gonna do this, HimiCocoa Bean?" Kokichi asked.
"Well...what genre of potion should I make?" Himiko asked. "There's comedy, action-adventure, romance, horror, fantasy, mystery, aaannnd...lots of other stuff."
"Comedy!" Kokichi said. "Everyone needs a good laugh!"
"Nyeh...okay," Himiko said, then turned to the comedy section of the chapter.
"So, you'll just pour whatever potion you make into the cookie batter, right? And mix it up?" Kokichi asked.
"Yup, that's right," Himiko nodded.
"Aaaalrighty, then! Welp, do your thang, babe!" Kokichi said, kissing Himiko's cheek. Himiko giggled and read the comedy section:
~COMEDY:~
Laughter is the best medicine, as they say! So, why not have it in your dreams? After all, there's nothing cuter than someone laughing in their sleep! Whether you're in the mood for some gut-busting, slap-happy humor, wild, crazy humor, or even just simple, laughable jokes, every hilarious dream is welcome in clown town!
Slapstick comedy dream: A dream where tripping, punching, bashing, slapping, falling, and everything in between is considered more funny than horrifying! If you fancy a dream like that, give Slapstick comedy dream a whirl!
Boil water in small cauldron. Once water is boiled, add 1/2 cup of dream powder, 1 tsp of pepper for an extra kick, 1 tsp of cinnamon for an extra bite, 1 tsp of dragon spice for an extra punch, 3 petals of the Laffodil flower, and a 3/4 cup of sunlight for some lighthearted fun. Mix contents until water becomes a different color. Pour contents into a potion bottle. Add sleep powder before consuming. Drink and enjoy!
Fun-loving comedy dream: You can't always watch comedy, you have to experience it, too! If you feel like going on a funny, fun-filled adventure full of laughter, then the fun-loving comedy dream is just what you're looking for!
Boil water in small cauldron. Once water is boiled, add 1/2 cup of dream powder, 3/4 cup of elven sparkles for whimsy, 1 cup of pink polka dot pond water, 1 tsp of sugar, 5 petals of the Laffodil flower, and 3/4 cup of sunlight. Mix contents until water becomes a different color. Pour contents into a potion bottle. Add sleep powder before consuming. Drink and enjoy!
Joker dream: Want a dream with less gut busting, and more on the relaxed side? Then, a Joker dream is prefect the perfect comfort comedy dream for you!
Boil water in small cauldron. Once water is boiled, add 1/2 cup of dream powder, 1 tsp of funny honey, 1 petal of the Laffodil flower, a pinch of jesterly ginseng powder, and 3/4 cup of sunlight. Mix contents until water becomes a different color. Pour contents into a potion bottle. Add sleep powder before consuming. Drink and enjoy!
"Nyeh...which one should I pick?" Himiko asked. Kokichi scanned the page.
"Hmm...why not all of them?" he suggested. "You can make three batches of cookies, and pour the different potions into each one! Actually, it's way more interesting that way, since people will get to randomly choose their comedy dream cookies!"
"I guess you're right," Himiko said. She got to work, whipping up all three potions. "Nyeh...all done!"
"Do you wanna go to D.I.C.E. headquarters and bake them there again?" Kokichi asked.
"Yeah, but...let's take the short way," Himiko said. "I'm already tired from making these potions." Before Kokichi could ask what she meant, Himiko snapped her fingers, and they magically appeared at the abandoned insane asylum serving as D.I.C.E. headquarters.

1. Electro citron is just better than toxic citron because of damage and kills
   
2. Dark bean bomb tastes like shit
   
3. They should magi be deadbeard a washing machine that does 500 damage to the green guys
   
4. Why did pop cap make engineer so hot
   
5. Why do they call him Wolfy Playz when he isn’t a wolf at all?
   
6. we should’ve gotten a piss shooter where he sprays out piss onto the enemy dealing 2 damage
   
7. All star is a zombie from the hit game gw5
   
8. Remember that time when gnomes was torbjorn from the funny game overwatch 1.5
   
9. All star go rugby tackle and then go bridginegivolngfio with his midget launcher
   
10. you got tots to help me gays hot rod chopper just came out of my telovisa and now sb is hitting some thigshcker France please get the pop pops actually never in mind Engineer just showed up Cmere babe mmmmmmmmmmm
    

10.5. I tried eating the golden gnomes because they looked like chocolate

1. Is penny Dave’s wife
   
2. Why are horny over a flower
   
3. wait why is there policemen at my door and why are they telling me I killed 4 people with a bomb that looks like a midget
   

The following text is several “journal” entries that I have made since the beginning of the year. Since I don’t feel comfortable sharing it with my family and feel as though I have no one else to turn to I decided to let the world take a crack at me. I can’t seem to fix myself so maybe someone out there can. The entries are basically things I wish I could tell my spouse and family members written out as text messages, but already know what the outcome would be if I told them these things. (Please read full post before commenting thanks)
1/9/24 So I wrote all this before you gave me all the praise you did today. I can’t tell you how good it felt hearing you tell me how much you appreciated me and everything I was doing. Not to mention hearing you telling people about everything I do for you, it just let me know that really appreciated everything (even if it was a little embarrassing).
I can understand how you would think I’m an asshole and that all I do is seem to pick fights with everyone cause you don’t get to see or hear about when I actually tell them how great they are or how proud I am of them. The thing is I see the potential in our family. We could all do amazing things, and all I’m trying to do is help everyone accomplish their dreams and goals. So it’s like when I say hey do this and this will happen and then this will happen and at the end of this road you will be happy. But no one ever listens and at the end of the road that they take they wind up miserable, and I have to stand there watching them fail time and time again because they wouldn’t listen to me when I was like hey did you do what I said “no” why not “I don’t know” alright well it’s not to late to do it so go and then they still don’t.
I’m 38 years old and I still wish someone would have stood up and said “Redfield your a good kid who was dealt a shitty hand but I believe in you and if you do these things your life will be great! You are going to become an even greater man someday!” but no one ever did, so I fought and I struggled and made horrible choices in life having to pick myself up by myself after every failure cause no one cared if Redfield was hurt or depressed or anxious or was struggling with his ADHD. So I learned to survive instead of live.
I tell you and the kids and all our friends how great they are and to just keep going cause it will get better. But no one tells me “Thank you Redfield, your help ment a lot” or “your advice worked”… I’m hard on The Boy because he’s MY SON, not just my step son, and I want to see him succeed in life and not just coast through it like he is on a lazy river ride at six flags. So when I get frustrated with him it’s because I expect so much better from him than what he is putting out into the world. Princess is young, for now all I can ask of her is to do good in school but bet your last dollar I am going to push that girl to be the best person she can be when she’s older.
I feel like I support everyone in all their decisions no matter if I think they are good or bad, but when is the last time anyone in the family supported my decisions, or gave me advice or just looked at me and asked do you need help and just kept asking until I finally said yes, cause that’s what I do, I will ask until they admit they do or until they just get mad and finally give me some task they deemed meaningless but it gives me purpose in their life it makes me feel needed. I have always supported you even when I thought it was crazy and knew that if I tried it I would fail but you have this determination to succeed that I can’t understand and it’s one of the reasons I love you.
It’s infuriating when I expect the best of people only to be let down time and time again… No one has ever defended me, everyone always tells me I’m the problem I need to change so I do and for awhile people will “like me” then it’s “Well you need to change this too, oh and this too” until it feels like I’m just putting on a show for who ever is standing in front of me at the time. So I eventually just go back to being me, the person I am mentally comfortable being and no one likes that guy, cause he’s rude (truthful), sarcastic (trying to be funny the only way I know how), an asshole (standing up for what’s right) or any number of other things people don’t like about my personality. But that’s me that’s just who I am.
I’m the problem solver, I’m the fixer, I’m the guy everyone calls when they can’t figure it out cause you can bet your ass I’m not going to disappoint them by saying “Sorry I can’t, I’m to busy”. But where the fuck is everyone when I need help, where are they when I’m fucking struggling and about to drown. I was going to un-alive myself and where was everyone? To fucking busy for Redfield right! But I’m expected to ask for help, ok. Years of being let down and being told I’m not good enough, instead of “you can do this, I believe in you”, have taught me that asking for help is useless, that I’m better off struggling alone so that’s what I do.
Honestly sometimes it just feels like failure is in my DNA.
There’s more but my demons are starting to get the best of me so I’m going to stop before it gets worse.
The reason I write things to you rather than speak them is partly cause it allows me to have control of myself and partly cause I feel like you listen to my words more than the tone of my voice. I don’t feel like I have to yell to get you to understand what I’m FEELING, cause my tone isn’t how I’m feeling it’s my frustration and lack of control leaking out.
1/13/24 I wish I could be this wonderful person you want me to be. When I say that I mean I wish I could be that loving husband and great dad. Our daughter text me this morning and asked how I was. I was almost honest with her but I did the right thing and told her that I was ok. Then I spent hours upset that someone put me in that situation of having to lie to her, instead of just asking me themselves. I’m mean who knows maybe she did just felt like texting me but who knows, I can trust her to tell me the truth if I asked but everybody else would lie to me to cover themselves and try in make me feel good about some fake shit.
It sucks being everyone’s first call only when something is broken. No one ever asks how I’m feeling and really means it, they all do it because someone else tells them to. Then I have to lie and say I’m ok or I’m fine when really I just want to scream and beat the hell out of something to make all this pain and frustration and hate and sadness go away. I wanna cry, I feel like I just want to die. Every single fucking day I feel like I’m fighting to keep myself alive. I fucking hate myself, I hate all this anger and rage and emotions, I hate not being able to fix myself when I can fix everything else.
Last night you said you were glad my sex drive had gone back to normal, the sad thing is that it hasn’t, I wanted you all week but I respected your tiredness, I thought about being with you thousands of times and how good it would be. Then you go to the bathroom to go pee and come back attacking me for not taking off your panties all the way myself. I came very close to just saying fuck it and telling you I wasn’t in the mood anymore cause of your comments knowing that you would just turn it into a fight instead of listening to me about how you made me feel.
I don’t even know why I’m writing all this you’re probably never going to read any of it so what does it matter. Even if you do you will still think I’m just attacking everyone instead of seeing the pain that I am in.
I thought about killing my self again, right before Princess text me. I was sitting on the bench outside looking out into the yard, and I just started thinking about what the cabinet would look like with my brains splattered all over it, I looked out in the yard and thought about how peaceful it would be for this to be my last moments on earth. Guess in away Kyla saved my life, cause if she hadn’t text me I probably would’ve been dead today.
1/24/24 You have such a double standard when it comes to our relationship. I’m so sick of having to apologize for things that I would never make you feel bad about. I forgot to put on my rings, but it’s not like you haven’t done that dozens of times before and I ALWAYS have told you that it’s ok. I do all these wonderful things for you try and plan amazing things for you, get you dam near everything you ever ask for but it’s never enough to keep you happy. When am I going to be good enough for you, when are you going to actually respect my contributions to our relationship. I have forgiven you for everything you have ever done to me, no matter how bad it hurt. But you just keep fucking pushing.
You know I started this journaling because the first time I got everything out that I wanted to tell you I felt so much better. So I decided to do it again and again I felt better. If it wasn’t for this I would probably either leave and just say the hell with it all and go live in a car or just off myself finally.
You can be so fucking intolerable sometimes and I just want to fucking scream at you for the way you talk to me. I have told you time and time again how YOUR words affect all of us and it’s like you just don’t get it. You constantly talk down to me and I won’t lie there have been a few times that I understood why men hit women cause I have wanted to just slap you. But again you don’t realize the reason I walk away is because that’s my way of ensuring I stay a good man. Cause if the only good thing that can be said about me when I die is that I never hit a woman no matter the amount of disrespect she put on me then so be it. But fuck if you don’t make it hard Ashley.
I see these TikTok’s about how women treat the men in their lives and it’s like wtf why do you stay, and then I think well why have I stayed, why has she stayed. I know you will never believe me but if we ever did call it quits, I wouldn’t be the one to find someone else. I don’t want to have to go through all this again, having to learn about someone else’s likes and other bs. I will be more than happy to die alone than have to put up with living with someone again.
You want to know what really fucking sucks, what just fucking bothers the fuck out of me the most. I fucking bought you 40$ worth of cards yesterday and 350$ worth of flowers for Valentine’s Day today, and you turn around and make me feel like shit. It’s like now everything I got has no meaning because I fucking hate you, all I’m going to remember on Valentine’s Day is if she made me feel like shit the day I ordered those flowers. I mean what the fuck kind of bs is that. I already fucking know you probably won’t even get me a fucking card either. I was going to give you one in the morning before work and stash the others throughout your office for you to find when you get to work, and now it’s like why go through all that fucking trouble just so the next day or week later you can just turn around and make me feel like shit for some meaningless bullshit that’s not even a big deal, but it’s something I fucked up so you will rub my nose in it and tell me what a bad man and husband I am.
One of these days Sheva your going to push me to far, and no I don’t mean that I’m going to hit you, I mean I’m going to leave you and I won’t come back. On that day I might just send you this note, just so maybe somewhere in your head or heart you will finally understand how bad you hurt me to make me leave you.
2/1/24 I’ve been meaning to write you for a few days now things have just been crazy though. From the date I’m sure you can realize what I mean. But just to recap, Uncle John passed away recently, Berna basically disowned half the Martinez side of the family over, well basically just being disrespected so I can understand that. Right now I’m at work like I usually am when I write you, but this time I decided to hide behind the building.
So the reason I wanted to write is because we have actually been doing really good and I didn’t want you to think that the only time I wrote you was when I was at my lowest and most angry. We have gotten into a few minor fights nothing crazy, but the difference is you are actually starting to listen to my words and not the emotion behind them it seems.
Today wasn’t a particularly good day, I got into it with some homeless cause they refuse to listen and once again the police are being of little help. They were just being completely disrespectful and not listening so I just let them have it. I can’t stay that it felt good cause it didn’t. I’ve been really trying to control my monster and I’ve gotten pretty good at it but today I just felt like he needed off the leash for a little while.
So you text me and asked if I was ok, so I called you just to vent really. The problem is you took it as me yelling at you instead of understanding I just needed to get the words out and that they weren’t directed at you specifically, it was more like I just needed to scream at a mountain (Not sure if that makes any sense at all). Anyways got through it and you helped talk me down and I felt better afterwards cause I had a few customers actually tell me thank you and others tell me they actually feel safer coming here now. Art even said I was doing a good job and to keep it up. That little bit of validation is the only reason I keep doing this job even though some days I just want to smash everyone’s face in.
Anyways… Babe I just want you to know that I love you, and my anger is never truly directed at you. You only cause me frustration which, if we’re being honest with each other, I’m am not mentally equipped to handle, frustration that is not you.
So for a while now I have been hearing this old guy on TikTok talk about how men should become a monster and then learn how to control it. So that’s what I’ve been working on, controlling my monster. Not going to lie it’s been a little difficult, but a wild horse can’t be broken in a day. So every day in every moment I try and keep myself aware of every action, every movement, every word, every emotion that I am having. Again not an easy task, but I feel better mentally and physically. Sometimes I have even been catching myself almost doing things without even thinking about them and I get proud of myself cause I realize that I am starting to feel more like me and not a shell anymore.
Well I better get back to work. I love you Ashley and now matter what circumstances lead to you reading this I hope you know that it wasn’t an easy decision to be this open with you because I didn’t want you to have to carry all the hurt that I do every day.
2/5/24 Got 9 days tell Valentine’s Day, and I did your cards this morning. You call me complaining about having to look for a vest for an associate after you told me very specifically how to organize the vests for you, and I showed you several times how they were organized because you had so many of certain sizes. It wasn’t just that you were complaining you were literally blaming me for how it’s organized even though you’re the one who told me to do it that way. You don’t like how I put the stupid reference order cards in your cabinet because they are clean and grouped like a man would do them and not spread out and next to slots like a woman would do them. Instead of being like babe I know we talked about the cards in the cabinet last week can we fix them today cause I had a hard time finding a vest this morning. Cause that’s how you would expect me to fucking act. But I get “you fucked up, you didn’t do it right, I hate it why couldn’t you just do it this way”. Because you didn’t fucking tell me to do it that way, because I was just trying to be helpful and take 1 unimportant item off your already full list of crap to do, because I don’t organize like a woman, I organize like a man. I mean seriously what the fuck babe. You want me to have this compassion and understanding with the entire world and you can’t even take a breath and put yourself in my shoes before you come at me with something that can be fixed in a couple of minutes, that if you had just given me a little direction on when I freaking asked, then this entry wouldn’t have even happened. FUCK!!!
I’m about to leave for work now, but I had to get this out before it ruined my whole day.
2/7/24
I fucking hate you! I really fucking hate you! I hate you Sheva! You’re a selfish bitch who only cares about what words mean to you not how they are meant or the meaning someone else has behind them. That’s what I wanted to say to you during a phone call we just had. I really wanted to hang up on you just cause of how disrespectful you were talking to me but I didn’t, I sat here and took every word from you because that’s what I do, “Eat my failures”, because that’s what you wanted from me isn’t it.
I get that I may blame others for shit that goes wrong, but that’s only cause it feels like I’m the one who gets blamed for everything so of course I’m going to break things down in a logical manner to figure out what steps could have been taken to prevent me being blamed again. Perfect example the trash can is missing now, the boy says he didn’t see it last night when he came down but I did should I have text him to get it yay probably but hindsight is 20/20 right. But I also expect him to pay more attention to detail. Again logical reasoning. But fuck all if you never see it that way and no matter how many times I try to tell you, you never listen.
2/15/24
Man what a day. So they finally cleaning up behind the wall. But during that process one of the homeless kept throwing his blankets over the wall, and I would put them back over. Well the third time he did this I decided to bag them up and throw them away. Guess an espanola city worker didn’t like that very much and decided he was going to make it his problem. Piece of shit worker.
Several times already I have been asked if I think I am better than the homeless thieves and drug addicts in this town. My reply every time is always the same “Yes I know I am better than them”, for fucks sake I’m a war veteran who holds down a full time job, who nearly unalived myself before picking myself up out of the mud and deciding to take control of my life. So yes I am better than the thieves and beggars this town chooses to support.
Fuck I hate people!!! I mean I really fucking HATE people. I always say I’m not racist I hate everyone equally, people tend to laugh but they don’t realize that I’m serious. People fucking suck, no matter how respectful you try and be they will always just be assholes.
2/18/24
Well you decided you wanted to fight with me this morning, and that’s fine. But what isn’t fine is when you start holding me to a double standard. You think I like fighting with the homeless or having to ask people not to do something because it’s Walmart policy, and even if I ask them nicely I get yelled at or given the finger or told to fuck off, or a thousand other insults I have had to deal with. But I’m the fucking problem right, because I won’t stand for being disrespected, and when I clap back at the bullies and jerks who throw insults my way because that’s how they have learned to treat others and get their way I’m the asshole right, I’m the psychopath for standing up for what’s right. I have to hear from you how pissed you are that gimpy, or midget, or Sean are on property asking people for money, so now is it not only effecting me it’s effecting my family. I have to hear about the other guards fucking around and when I tell my boss I once again look like the asshole for trying to hold people accountable for their actions. So where in the fuck does it end. I’ve tried getting other jobs that pay just as much no one wants me. I don’t have experience in anything else but security.
So after all the bullshit and being told I’m this that and the other, I start to think “maybe I really am the problem, maybe I just don’t belong in this world, I’m mean fuck, all I seem to do is make people uncomfortable, everyone says I’m a psychopath, everyone says I’m rude, everyone says they want to kill me or at the very least beat me up. So why don’t I do them all a huge favor and just off myself then everyone will be happy they don’t have to do with Redfield’s bullshit right.”
I’m starting to feel like Mel Gibson in ‘Lethal Weapon’ when he tells his partner. “What do you want to hear, that sometimes I think about eating a bullet. Well I do! I even got a special one for the occasion with a hollow point, look make sure it blows the back of my goddam head out, do the job right. every single day I think of a reason not to do it, every single day! But you want to know why I don’t do it, and this is really going to make you laugh. The job that’s the reason the job.”
3/5/24
So it’s been awhile since I felt the need to write. I’ve had a few realizations since my last entry. The first being that this journal contains all my demons, it’s my way of pulling them out of me and locking them away, it gives me control. The next realization I’ve came to is that you don’t give a shit about me, all you care about is what got done for you and if it was done exactly the way you wanted.
Right away if something wasn’t done the “right way” you get mad and you make sure I know you’re mad. The worst part is you get mad over dumb shit, shit that is easily fixable, shit that I would never get mad at you for or even bring to your attention, I would just fix it and move on. You spend more time and energy being pissed off at me than it would actually take to just fix what ever it was that I messed up. But it’s whatever I’ve been dealing with it for years already and just learned to deal with your shitty attitude.

This is Michael Quinn. The REAL Michael Quinn. This is the only account that I have on Reddit. I have no other accounts or burners. If they claim to be me they’re full of shit. Only a complete moron would be admired by the mental midget do nothings in the World of T Shirts group.
So I have a plan in place to get Josh sober. Although it’s going to take time and it’s surely not going to be easy. I got him to cut down for most of the day today while I was with him. I am not with Josh 24/7 there are many bad influences on social media and in real life. When Josh is partying in Boston and I’m with my family vacationing in Disney World I can’t prevent Josh from drinking although I’ll be blamed for it anyway.
I have seen so many videos saying. “Quinn it’s so easy just take him to rehab!” Someone has to “want” to be in rehab for it to work. I can’t force anyone to go. Those people saying that are not very bright
It’s well known that the Drink Tracker guy is a real shit head. He posted in the low class World of T Shirts group that Josh is a “bad person.” Has he ever met Josh? Josh is a very good person who has had a difficult life. Not dealt the best cards. I believe in Josh. He needs direction. I will make sure that he finds it. Thanks for the support babes! Michael “just a great guy” Quinn