SPOILERS FOR UG1, UG2, MW, Pro-Street, Rivals, Payback, Heat and Unbound
Recently, I'd gone and marathon a whole host of NFS Games, starting with Underground, and making my way up to Unbound. I had finished Payback, and moved forward to Heat when I realized the first set of Contracts from the Black Market was called: The Collector's Gambit. Initially, I thought of it as a simple throwaway line, or a callback to the most recent game at that time: Payback. But after going through Raziel's missions, noting the story beats of Heat, and doing the Tess/Yaz Delivery missions in Unbound, something just told me there seemed to be more going on here. It got me thinking about the other ridiculous story beats in the previous NFS games, and wondered if there were any connections.
It all started when I played Rivals again, and thought: "How on Earth do the Police and Racers get these cars? There isn't a single beater or Crown Vic in sight; the Sirens on that Charger are probably worth more than my apartment". Initially just chalked it as: Need For Speed's America could be like Dubai IRL, where supercars in law fleets are the norm; but couldn't put a piece of the puzzle down: The Racers. Obviously, it could be that the Racers get their cars from a number of shady/black market dealers, but who's giving the market their supply of LFA's and Pagani's? And why do both sides of the conflict have what seem to be military-grade weaponry on what should be, civilian vehicles at most?
I decided to move on to Payback, where there were three major story beats that caught my eye: Kobashi, Arkwright, and the NUMEROUS callbacks to pervious titles. The Curator name drops the Blacklist, the Run, and other NFS events, before selling Tyler on the Outlaw's Rush. We also know that the House had hired Cross to interrogate/torture Gallo during the House's initial takeover, which led to Silver Six, but Cross backed out. Even little nods, though unconfirmed, names such as Bull and Cooper are name dropped. Palmont City was also name dropped during the Speedcross DLC's, as it was the place where Speedcross got it's legitimacy in this universe, according to Rav. Aki Kimura also makes a full-fledged reappearance from ProStreet as DK in Noise Bomb. This game makes it clear that the Ghost games universe and the BlackBox universe's are within the same canon. Okay, so what now?
One MAJOR story beat that is often overlooked, is the role that the Brands play in Payback's narrative. To quickly refresh, Payback's parts are not only based on tiered performance, but specific brands give bonuses. One of the brands in-game we know was in-bed with the House: Chidori, as it was revealed by Charlie that Chidori custom parts had been transmitting data from Holtzman's C10, Nova's BC, and Valisev's GT-R. We also know that there were specifications for civilian cars too; alongside other technological developments, such as Skyhammer and the Jammers in Police Chargers being reminiscent of Rivals' and HP Police weaponry. As well, though not stated, due to the name, and the origami logo, it's very clear that Chidori has Japanese ties. We even meet a VIP from Japan in-game, who we pick up for the house: Kobashi. All signs point to the fact that Kobashi was the one outfitting House's cars with custom Chidori parts, and getting data from them. It wouldn't surprise me if Kobashi was the CEO, or at least, a Board of Directors member of Chidori. But why go through all this trouble for data from street racers? And why would data and a wager be so significant, that Fortune Valley's most powerful people: the Collector and the Gambler, would risk it all, just to appease Kobashi? The reward of all this hoop-jumping is joining "Arkwright", is that really it?
Heat's main story revolves around the Speedhunter's showdown, and the High-Speed Task Force stealing cars from the general populace. During "Follow the Law", Ana notes that the F40 we've been tailing had been wrongfully impounded, just like her Z, and other racers' cars. The climax of the mission hits it's peak when we go inside and see a whole operation of the HSTF dismantling the cars they impound, and shipping them off somewhere. At the end of Chapter 5, we even see Frank and Torres have a chat, and judging by Frank's tone, I don't think he was talking about the Police getting to him, but rather, who he would've shipped the cars to. Outside of the mascot cars from past games, the Collector is mentioned in Heat, through the first DLC's name, likely hinting the guy is still around. Because it's not like the House dissolved fully after Payback, the Collector still managed to irk out of Lina's mess; and likely has contacts like Raziel provide the tech needed to do his contracts. We never really grasp the full scope of the Collectors influence, so for all we know, he's the League member that contracts you and gives you the DB11 to find the people responsible for taking the DB5; he does like his cars after all.
Unbounds main story beat revolves around Alec somehow restoring the Lakeshore racing scene, after allegedly 2 years after Yaz stole our car and the LSPD stepped their presence up against street racing. But, when we find the LSPD, they aren't in the greatest of shapes either. Mayor Stevenson's foundation of her campaign is to stop street racing, and provide MORE funding to the LSPD. A detail I noticed about the LSPD was that, they don't have any variation of the Corvette as the "Ace"/Heat 5 car(s). Instead, LSPD's choice of Heat 5/Ace car is the Raptor, a more utilitarian choice, compared to other PD's in the NFS universe. And speaking of more utilitarian, it can be noted that Unbound is the first game in the series that actively TELLS you how to beat the Police. Chargers have this weakness, Camaro's have this weakness, CORVETTES SUCK AT GOING OFFROAD. Note that last part, as Payback and Heat's Corvettes didn't have much issue going off-road; likely signifying whoever was providing technology to LSPD was years behind other PD's. Sure, you could chalk it up to game mechanics, but I'd like to think that LSDP's weaknesses in their cars, and the lack of Rhino's in their fleet, show that the LSPD is eons away from the rest of the Need for Speed police forces. It should be also noted that Alex was a literal who nobody, until the story mentions that someone was sponsoring him and the Lakeshore Grand, but we never meet or hear from this benefactor. Plus, why would someone want to fund something as ridiculous as the Grand, while electoral campaigns to ban the sport of racing are at an all time high?
So, how does all of this relate to Arkwright, Most Wanted, and the Butterfly effect? I believe, that ever since the BlackBox protag showed up to the scene with the M3 GTR, it revealed the major weaknesses, of not only Rockport PD, but the rest of the countries PD's. If ONE guy can come out of nowhere with a then unconceivable car who put the fear of God into Porsche; and make a mockery of a PD, who at that point, was likely the most outfitted unit in the universe, whose to say it can't happen a second, third, fourth, or even millionth time? Hence, why we see the evolution of the Police in NFS Games, from their fleets, to even their weaponry, along with a noticeable downgrade as a benchmark in the form of the Lakeshore PD. Someone had to fund all of this, and that someone also benefits from street racing, legal or illegal, reigning supreme in the country. How else can we explain ludicrous scenario's such as the Run? That's where, Arkwright, enters stage left.
The legal definition of a Cartel is a group of independent corporations or other entities that join together to fix prices, rig bids, allocate markets, or conduct other similar illegal activities. I'd like to propose that, knowingly or unknowingly, the entire NFS universe is played out so that Arkwright can use the populace to make ill-gotten gains through data collection, with cars as the scapegoat. We know from Payback that Arkwright has their hands all over Chidori. Who's to say Carbon, Nextage, Americana and Outlaw weren't in on this either? At the very minimum, we know they have prominence in manufacturing. We also don't know how long Arkwright have been gathering data on racers. Sure we catch them in Payback, but who's to say they don't have our data in-lore, by events such as the Street Festivals in Pro Street or the legal street leagues/sponsorships all the way back from UG1 & UG2? It would make sense, if Arkwright is tracking us, and developing weapons based on the actions of the MC's we play as in NFS. And with all of the car-jacking Payback, Heat, and Unbound had gotten the MC's into, who's to say they unknowingly played into Arkwright's Mouse Utopia, of re-releasing those cars back into the economy for Arkwright to make more profit of these car-jackings? Tyler and his crew certainly didn't. What if Mayor Stevenson was another part of the Arkwright scheme that would be used to corner and monopolize the market, since they've already got Alec?
And who's to say other racers aren't fighting back, Charlie and Shift Lock have taken the fight to Arkwright, the Broker now also knows of Arkwright. Who's to say that the racers in Redview County were street racing out of rebellion? We only see the story from Zephyr and F-8's eyes in Rivals, meaning we don't even know current events in Redview County, as all they care about was what was in front of them. The VRT, the racer's, the weapons in Redview County, if not fully, I suspect Arkwright had a hand in it, and the racers either rebelled; OR unknowingly took the weapons that would provide their enemy with precious data; which could be used to make even more efficient weapons in the future to combat street racers. Hence, it could be an explanation as to why ex-criminals make up some part of the Vehicle Response Team in the RPD; what better guinea pigs than adrenaline-fueled hardened criminals fighting on the open roads with weapons and cars worth cities, with zero impunity to their actions?
All this leads me to believe that, ever since the BlackBox protag and the legendary M3 burst on to the scene, it created a butterfly effect that boosted the technological advancement of weapons and law-enforcement, which in turn lead to several economies, legal or illegal, being more than ready to meet the demands of what the BlackBox protag and his beloved M3 showed the 99% & the 1% of the bond between man and machine. And in both sides of the law, Arkwright would be ready behind the scenes, encourage and discourage where needed economically and technologically, while profiting off each and every event leading up to the NFS-verse's modern day. Hell, if my theory hold some water, the M3 could've been in Unbound because it was taken from Palm City, and being shipped country wide, with Yaz and the Unbound MC being just a link in the supply chain of Arkwright's shadow economy for profit and further technological advancements.
That's more or less what I've got, and I'd love to hear from any other lore enthusiasts out there with their thoughts. There's been a lot of "more questions than answers" with modern day NFS titles; and I know it's better to turn your brain off, and just enjoy the narrative for what it is; but this kind of theory-crafting is fun for me, and seeing the little coincidences you can find in these rabbit holes is the icing on the cake. TY for reading my ramble, and I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts!
TL;DR: Arkwright has been around before Payback, and controls the NFS Global Economies through Racing; and the world knowingly or unknowingly participates in their experiments and technological developments.

These games currently on my wishlist and on sale. Which one or two should I buy?

1. The Pathless, 86% rating. From the creators of ABZÛ, The Pathless is the mythic adventure of an archer and an eagle in a vast forest. Become the Hunter, a master of archery who travels to a mystical island to dispel a curse of darkness that grips the world.
2. Detroit: Become Human, 96% rating. Detroit: Become Human puts the destiny of both mankind and androids in your hands, taking you to a near future where machines have become more intelligent than humans. Every choice you make affects the outcome of the game, with one of the most intricately branching narratives ever created.
3. No Man's Sky Orbital update, recently 91% rating.
4. Lil Gator Game, 99% rating. Embark on an adorable adventure, discover new friends and uncover everything the island has to offer. Climb, Swim, Glide and slide your way into the hearts of the many different characters you meet on your travels!

In my early 20s I was waiting tables and made friends with one of the lines cooks, his name was Mac. I had heard a lot of punk music but was mostly a metal head at the time. Mac was an old punk kid from Connecticut. He played bass in some great bands, like the old bands who’d been around town for decades. He’d lived in Alphabet City in the 70s and 80s. He told me stories of Max’s Kansas City, CBGBS, late nights at the Saturn Bar. All the amazing shows he’d been to, going to see GG Allin, Television, The Dead Boys, Ramones, etc. he taught me everything I know about punk.
I gave him a ride home every now and then, and that’s when I really got to know him. He’d say, “Hey, man I got some hash if you wanna gimme a ride so I don’t have to walk”. You’d think with the punk stereotypes that he’d be a certain way, but you’d walk into his house and it was covered in sports memorabilia. He was an avid fan of football and hockey. Took me to my one and only hockey game.
One time I waited on Peter Wolf from the J Geils band, and Mac was a huge fan, but he wasn’t a work that day. I asked Peter for an autograph to my “step dad” Mac. I made that up to tug on heart strings in case he wasn’t in the mood. He ended up drawing a cowboy with a huge hate, and signing the drawing. I gave it to Mac the next day I saw him and he says, “Cool, man! What…..the fuck is with the cowboy?”. I told him how I’d coerced Peter into signing it, his reply, “Aawwww, you wish I were your step dad? Is your mom hot?!?” He would tell people I was his stepson. Or “The kid I never wanted”, he’d call me.
TLDR; My chosen stepdad died, and I’m going to miss him like crazy. He taught me everything I know about punk rock, and his favorite show of all time was when he saw The Deadboys.
R.I.P. Mac. Love you, dude.
https://youtu.be/ohZnOaetFvY?si=ExUjUbmcPKdPJTQS

Introduction:

In March of this year, I attended the Embedded World Exhibition, which focuses on embedded systems. During my visit, I explored the Forlinx booth. Forlinx is renowned for developing System on Modules (SoMs) and Evaluation Boards for industrial PCs. I previously acquired an evaluation board from Forlinx last year. This year, I am excited to present the new Forlinx OK3588-C board in this video.
Today, we will explore the Forlinx OK3588-C board. Allow me to switch off the camera and transition to the desktop view.
Here, I have the hardware manual for the OK3588 board. If you require this hardware manual or the necessary SDKs to develop software for this board, please contact Forlinx, and they will provide you with the required resources.

SoM Appearance Diagram:

The evaluation board comprises two primary components. Firstly, this is the physical appearance. Here, we have the System on Module (SoM) mounted on a carrier board, which connects all peripherals to the SoM.
Let's begin by examining the System on Module. This module includes the Rockchip RK3588 main processor, two DRAM ICs, and eMMC storage for non-volatile data. Various components on the module generate the required voltages for the chip's operation. The Rockchip RK3588 is a robust processor.

RK3588 Description:

Displayed here is a block diagram of the RK3588. It features a dual-cluster core configuration. One cluster consists of a quad-core Cortex-A76 processor clocked at 2.6 GHz, and the second cluster includes a quad-core Cortex-A55 processor, clocked at either 1.5 or 1.8 GHz. This setup allows for power-saving capabilities by disabling the A76 cores when full performance is not required.
Another notable feature is the high-performance Neural Processing Unit (NPU), which is advantageous for tasks related to artificial intelligence and machine learning. In the future, I hope to demonstrate the NPU's capabilities.
The chip also includes a multimedia processor supporting various video decoders, even up to 8K resolution, and an embedded Mali-G GPU. For external memory interfaces, it has two eMMC controllers and support for LPDDR4 and LPDDR5. Additionally, it includes standard system peripherals, such as USB OTG 3.1, PCIe interfaces, Gigabit Ethernet, GPIO, SPI, and I²C.
RK3588 Description:
Displayed here is a block diagram of the RK3588. It features a dual-cluster core configuration. One cluster consists of a quad-core Cortex-A76 processor clocked at 2.6 GHz, and the second cluster includes a quad-core Cortex-A55 processor, clocked at either 1.5 or 1.8 GHz. This setup allows for power-saving capabilities by disabling the A76 cores when full performance is not required.
Another notable feature is the high-performance Neural Processing Unit (NPU), which is advantageous for tasks related to artificial intelligence and machine learning. In the future, I hope to demonstrate the NPU's capabilities.
The chip also includes a multimedia processor supporting various video decoders, even up to 8K resolution, and an embedded Mali-G GPU. For external memory interfaces, it has two eMMC controllers and support for LPDDR4 and LPDDR5. Additionally, it includes standard system peripherals, such as USB OTG 3.1, PCIe interfaces, Gigabit Ethernet, GPIO, SPI, and I²C.

Development Board Interface Description:

The carrier board includes numerous peripherals. There is a 12V power supply, a power switch, a reset switch, up to five camera connectors, microphone and speaker connectors, USB 2.0 host, and two USB 3.1 OTG ports. These USB ports can function as either hosts or devices. It also features two HDMI ports (one input and one output), a real-time clock with a battery, eDP ports, ADC connectors, an SD card slot, a fan connector, and M.2 slots for Wi-Fi and cellular cards.
The board also includes two full-size PCIe connectors, user buttons, CAN interfaces, an RS485 interface, a USB-to-serial adapter, and two Gigabit Ethernet ports. The overall setup is impressive.

Operation:

Let's power on the board. I have also connected a PCIe card to a free slot. Before proceeding, let's open the serial terminal to monitor the output.
The board is booting, and the kernel is starting successfully. Currently, we are running a minimal BusyBox root file system. In a future video, I will demonstrate how to build a custom Linux for this board. For now, this setup is sufficient.
We are running kernel version 5.10.66, built for ARM64 architecture. The board has eight processors, consisting of different Cortex-A cores. The available memory is 3.6 GB, with 155 MB currently in use. Background processes and the Mali GPU likely consume some memory.
We have eight I²C buses available, with one connected to the display connector for Display Data Channel (DDC) management.
The eMMC storage has multiple partitions. The board features seven GPIO chips and eight I²C connectors.
Lastly, I have connected a PCIe card, and the system detects it successfully. The card operates at PCIe Gen 1 speed with a link width of x1. Higher-end cards could achieve link speeds up to 8 GT/s and wider link widths.
This concludes the initial demonstration of the OK3588 board. In future videos, I will compile software for this board and provide more in-depth coverage of this compelling embedded system platform. I'm excited to showcase the full potential of the Forlinx OK3588-C development board and how it can be leveraged for a wide range of innovative projects. Stay tuned as I delve deeper into the capabilities of this board and explore how it can be leveraged for various applications.
Thank you for watching.
*This content and video was originally published by Johannes 4GNU_Linux

Introduction:

In March of this year, I attended the Embedded World Exhibition, which focuses on embedded systems. During my visit, I explored the Forlinx booth. Forlinx is renowned for developing System on Modules (SoMs) and Evaluation Boards for industrial PCs. I previously acquired an evaluation board from Forlinx last year. This year, I am excited to present the new Forlinx OK3588-C board in today's video.
Today, we will explore the Forlinx OK3588-C board. Allow me to switch off the camera and transition to the desktop view.
Here, I have the hardware manual for the OK3588 board. If you require this hardware manual or the necessary SDKs to develop software for this board, please contact Forlinx, and they will provide you with the required resources.

SoM Appearance Diagram:

The evaluation board comprises two primary components. Firstly, this is the physical appearance. Here, we have the System on Module (SoM) mounted on a carrier board, which connects all peripherals to the SoM.
Let's begin by examining the System on Module. This module includes the Rockchip RK3588 main processor, two DRAM ICs, and eMMC storage for non-volatile data. Various components on the module generate the required voltages for the chip's operation. The Rockchip RK3588 is a robust processor.

RK3588 Description:

Displayed here is a block diagram of the RK3588. It features a dual-cluster core configuration. One cluster consists of a quad-core Cortex-A76 processor clocked at 2.6 GHz, and the second cluster includes a quad-core Cortex-A55 processor, clocked at either 1.5 or 1.8 GHz. This setup allows for power-saving capabilities by disabling the A76 cores when full performance is not required.
Another notable feature is the high-performance Neural Processing Unit (NPU), which is advantageous for tasks related to artificial intelligence and machine learning. In the future, I hope to demonstrate the NPU's capabilities.
The chip also includes a multimedia processor supporting various video decoders, even up to 8K resolution, and an embedded Mali-G GPU. For external memory interfaces, it has two eMMC controllers and support for LPDDR4 and LPDDR5. Additionally, it includes standard system peripherals, such as USB OTG 3.1, PCIe interfaces, Gigabit Ethernet, GPIO, SPI, and I²C.

Development Board Interface Description:

The carrier board includes numerous peripherals. There is a 12V power supply, a power switch, a reset switch, up to five camera connectors, microphone and speaker connectors, USB 2.0 host, and two USB 3.1 OTG ports. These USB ports can function as either hosts or devices. It also features two HDMI ports (one input and one output), a real-time clock with a battery, eDP ports, ADC connectors, an SD card slot, a fan connector, and M.2 slots for Wi-Fi and cellular cards.
The board also includes two full-size PCIe connectors, user buttons, CAN interfaces, an RS485 interface, a USB-to-serial adapter, and two Gigabit Ethernet ports. The overall setup is impressive.

Operation:

Let's power on the board. I have also connected a PCIe card to a free slot. Before proceeding, let's open the serial terminal to monitor the output.
The board is booting, and the kernel is starting successfully. Currently, we are running a minimal BusyBox root file system. In a future video, I will demonstrate how to build a custom Linux for this board. For now, this setup is sufficient.
We are running kernel version 5.10.66, built for ARM64 architecture. The board has eight processors, consisting of different Cortex-A cores. The available memory is 3.6 GB, with 155 MB currently in use. Background processes and the Mali GPU likely consume some memory.
We have eight I²C buses available, with one connected to the display connector for Display Data Channel (DDC) management.
The eMMC storage has multiple partitions. The board features seven GPIO chips and eight I²C connectors.
Lastly, I have connected a PCIe card, and the system detects it successfully. The card operates at PCIe Gen 1 speed with a link width of x1. Higher-end cards could achieve link speeds up to 8 GT/s and wider link widths.
This concludes the initial demonstration of the OK3588 board. In future videos, I will compile software for this board. Thank you for watching.
*This content and video was originally published by u/Johannes 4GNU_Linux

Some family context: I have a big family on my dad's side. There's been two waves of kids, the older wave (me, mostly a few immediate cousins, and a second cousin) and the younger one (a couple different relationships, I'm not going into it). Throughout both waves the parents of my cousins (blanket family term) really have shown they don't really give attention to or love their kids but they give them almost everything they want. Typical spoiled kids who like to bully. Their parents don't like confrontation and just pretend their kids are perfect angels. My grandma, who we live with, watches everyone's kids.
My (16f) brother (5m) has been being bullied by his cousin's and a neighbor's kid. My aunt's kid and the neighbor's kid are around 6 years old and the other cousin is about 4 (In order, I'll assign them the initials A, B, and C). C will do anything to get my brother in trouble and often hits him. My brother sometimes mimicks his behavior, which is frustrating. The other two will get along fine with him by themselves... But bully him while they or other kids are together.
Just today, A and B were excluding my brother for no reason. I know kids will exclude kids that bother them but they would be playing fine and if my brother stepped out they would move away if he tried to come back and play. All three like to play fight, A and B would be roughhousing as usual but if my brother even tapped B just to get his attention, B would complain about him hitting him. B would claim my brother was hitting him with a toy bat even though my mom was watching the whole time and B wasn't anywhere near my brother. Then B turns around and is hitting the pool water in front of my brother, inches from his face. Then A and B took a spiderman doll and said "Imagine if this was (my brother's name)" and they start beating it up. If my mom or sister said anything, A and B would start whispering to each other. They lie constantly, even if you're sitting there watching them the whole time. The amount of times ANYONE asks them to stop something and they hear "I wasn't doing anything." is exhausting.
This is all really frustrating to me, it's breaking my heart. Growing up in the first wave, me and my sister were treated the same way, in fact my cousin's often got violent. Now my brother is being treated like this and it's already affecting him. He threw a big tantrum after everyone but A went home. When we talked about it he said B was being mean to him and I could tell he was really frustrated. Makes me want to cry, I don't know what it is about me, my siblings, and my mom that make people treat us this way. We're always outcast in everything, I feel like it's because my dad's family just doesn't like my mom cause of how she was in highschool and my childhood. But I want to help my brother not turn out with the issues we have because of it.
Like I said, we live with our grandparents and babysitting is my grandmother's source of income. My dad's gonna try to talk to their parents but like I said, they don't really care. Everyone else writes it off, if we say anything to make them stop, my grandmother tells the kids we're being mean. B also doesn't listen to women because of how his mother was. Please give me any advice you can, and thank you for reading.

After 6 months of being officially broken up, it’s been two weeks of no contact at all. Those 6 months was mostly full of fighting but it’s never got this long of him not reaching out to me. He use to not last two days max of not talking to me and now it’s been two weeks and one day. It’s officially done I can feel it in my heart. We were so unhealthy we were communicating through email you believe that …and here I am checking my fucking email every day multiple times a day, waiting for you to say you miss me or love me or can’t live without me. Anything!!!! Because him saying “fuck you” meant he was thinking of me…but now it’s silence. It kills me and I just want the pondering of ‘what if’ of us to stop. I want the feeling of thinking about what our life would have been like to stop. Im trying to entertain other guys just to fucking distract myself and no one compares. I want the feeling of being horny and thinking of you to go away, the vision of you eating me out. I feel sexually fucked as if I won’t find someone to make me cum the way you did. You have time me your sexually fucked too because of me as well so it makes me feel a little better. I feel sick in my mind over another human being. I miss him. I keep thinking of our memories like a tape, stop rewind pause fast forward pause again and I fucking feel the sensation of us together in that moment, like I’m there. I’ll never forget this man. How do you get over a person who let your walls fall down from your childhood sexual trauma and made you feel safe with your body and to orgasm and made feel you were healing your inner child …? Does this really fade? You know how before you die you supposedly get a flash of images or scenes of your life that was meaningful….favorite memories of people who made an impact of you as well, what if this is a person that will be one of those memories? Now it’s time to really heal from this person but will I find better? It was unhealthy as fuck but I sit here an wonder who was more unhealthy me or him? Or the combo of us…? Who knows. But the combo of us was so beautiful so pure so blissful idk man so passionate. How do I get through the days and not think of him? I love him. Fuck I don’t know what I even said in this but I’ll hit post and go on with my night thinking about a person that’s not even in my life anymore, he will just be a memory.

Ever since ch. 138 came out I began drafting a story within the AoT universe and the reason I did it wasn’t to "fix" the ending, the ending hadn’t come out yet. The reason was to expand the lore and to answer so many questions I had about this story. It was quite fun to plan it, my basic mindset was laying out all the unsolved plot points and sew them together somehow and it took me around 2 days to do so. - Between 15th and 16th of March, 2021. - I set out planning a 21 chapters story, that would be roughly 100k words long, with chapters coming out week to week and hoping to probably finish it in September 2021.
I ended up with over 500k words, multiple new characters - mostly in the "2000 years ago" storyline, in a pretty fun, but quite dark sci-fi adventure story. There's cannibalism in this - ofc, it's aot - and much gruesomeness and violence, but it's also cute at times... Writing it for the past 3 years has been a lot of fun but admittedly has taken over most of my life and certainly all of my free time. Still it was like therapy for my AoT superfan heart so it's fine.
Now that the epilogue is mostly complete and I'm saying goodbye to this story I started to wonder more about how it would be to see all of those scenes animated and how fantastic they could look. It seems like a mad, unachievable dream, considering how expensive it would be to animate most of it, especially the fight scenes and world-end scenarios. Not to mention the crystal-coated Titans 💀 It would be arduous and it would take very long to get to the ending - around 5 to 7 seasons, depending on the length of the episodes - but it would be quite a journey.
So would you be willing to watch it?
these are the links from where I have my tale published:
Official website - https://aotchanges.art/
other fan fiction sites:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13865688/
https://archiveofourown.org/works/45667639
if you want to know the basics of it, here at the topic it covers:
• Ymir's life, 2000 years ago; • Titan origins (9 titans and pure titans); • The life and death of Maria, Rose & Sina; • The Ackermann family 2000 years ago; • Clear explanation of the Ackermann powers and curse; • A lot more about Paths; • The Titan War (100 years ago); • Karl Fritz and the creation of the Walls; • Hizuru, Marley & Eldia after the Rumbling; • Eren's motivations and Attack Titan powers; • The future of Titans and the world; • Ymir's freedom.
The story focuses on Ymir as the main character and it explores her life, expanding a lot of the lore and explaining many things that were left unanswered. It goes back and forth between that storyline - 2000 years ago - and the future, following the regular main cast that we are used to, plus an even further future with a next generation in a post-rumbling world. That third storyline (post-rumbling) is centred (in the first arc at least) on Mikasa and Armin's son, just to give you a heads up, because for some reason just the idea of them having a child makes some AoT fans uncomfortable, I don’t get why. Hey, I just wanted to have a fun, very smart and very violent (raised by Levi) Ackermann with Uncle Eren issues to play around with ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and I'm not really sorry, he was a fun character to create and still not even close to my favourites Ackermanns, and Fritzs, and Tyburs and other wacky crazies I got to add to this tale between 2000 years ago, years 854 to 867 and now, in the epilogue, up to year 880. (Yes, there are new characters even in the epilogue. 😊)
And don’t worry about the new characters stealing the spotlight, the story also focuses a lot on the main cast that you're used to. Mainly EMA and other mains like Historia and Levi. And I also made sure to expand the story of the Warriors and Survey Corps and other minor characters too. And to give them all very good and respectful sendoffs. That's why it got to over 2000 pages. 😅 I'm not big on hate by the way, I might have some favourite characters, sure. But I respect them all the same. So if you're one of those people who loves "so and so" character but hates other "so and so" characters, then this story is not for you.
PS: Ymir is the main character in this yes, and no, there is no creepy romance between her and King Fritz, there's no creepy stuff in this story in general, there's weird stuff for sure but nothing creepy.
*Real PS: I'm sorry if my post somehow is upsetting or distasteful for you, and I'm thankful for you reading this far regardless. 🙏 I'm not here hoping to offend anyone or trigger bad discussions. I'm just very excited about all that I wrote and very eager to share with other AoT fans.
So, cheers!
Tree 🌳

Two months ago(march 26) was the last time I saw my ex. We were already broken up for 7 months at the time but were still having an extremely hard time being apart so we’d see eachother here and there. He finally put his foot down and said he can’t do this anymore because it hurts too bad. He said everytime we hung out or talked it was like reopening the wound and having to get over me all over again. I understood very much but this sent me into a spiral and I kept calling and texting after he said we need to stop. This led to him telling me to straight up “leave him alone”💔 so with every little bit of strength I had, I did just that. He told me “I promise this isn’t the last time we are gonna talk” and “I’ll call you in 2 months” that would have been may 26th and he did not call. I tried to figure out a reason to help me feel better so I just assumed maybe bc it’s Memorial Day weekend so he’ll prob call Tuesday(today). It’s now almost 9pm and I haven’t heard from him. I am heartbroken. I can’t believe he forgot. I looked forward to this day for 2 months. I fought with everything in me to give him that space he asked for and he still didn’t call. I miss him so terribly and my heart aches for him. I love him so so much. The fact I looked forward to it and thought about it and he forgot, makes me feel liek the biggest idiot in the world. I am so pathetic. I really thought he was gonna call. I can’t believe he forgot❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I really liked you, I adored you so much, although you hated me when you had hardly known me, and I don't know why. I forgave you when you laughed in my face while you were high and I mentioned my dad passed away. I defended you when they talked badly about you. Only to hear you (when I walked away after you discarded me), said some horrible things about me, and you denied it when I confronted you, yet I still forgave you. When you aren't owed my forgiveness.
When your ex treated you badly, and hurt you, I listened to every word you said, and tried my best to make you feel better and appreciated, and loved. I remember everything little small thing about you that you tell me. How you like The Weeknd, how you went and saw Tame Impala, your favourite colour, your favourite animal, how your speech is affected due to your hearing. Yet you can't even remember a single thing about me and brag how you can't remember anything about the previous girls. On your birthday I was the first to wish you a happy birthday and make you feel special when you didn't bother to wish me one until I reminded you.
You kept stringing me along, and every day we spoke for months, calling me pet names, trying to convince me I was your only one, you told me I was your missing piece. Then just like that, you discarded me, for her. I get it, she's 4 years younger than me, and only 20. She has pretty blue eyes, while mine are merely just brown, she has full lips, while I have a bump on my nose. I get it, she is better.
You told me you replaced me, and treated me so badly, so coldly. Then after a month when she did to you, what you did to me, you came back to me.
I let you in, I forgave you. Despite how cruel you were. Just because I missed you. I stroked your ego, because she hurt you, making sure you were okay, when you didn't even care that you left my heart bleeding and I couldn't even eat. Then just like that, you didn't care. I was discarded again, showing me text messages of a girl that desired you, telling me you weren't ready and need to heal. Leading me on, calling me baby, bubba, beautiful... Only to say you're "seeing other girls" and just "being nice" and it means nothing.
You messaged me, being sensual in texts, trying to get in my bed, and when I said no, you ran to her, and made her your girlfriend, again. Then you rubbed it in my face when I tried to walk away, telling me you have a great life. You brag on social media how happy you are, and she brags how happy you make her.
You skin picked me like a vulture, until there was nothing left, just a skeleton with no heartbeat.
And the worst of all, isn't even the fact that you convinced me I am not good enough... I'm wasting tears, but I'll never understand how my absence means nothing to you, and never has. You miss the other girls, but I'm not even a passing thought in your head.
I can't even be mad at you, because I'm the fool who let it all happened, all because I liked you, and you told me you liked me too.
Congratulations, you won.

I’m an introvert at heart. I love being alone I work better alone and my mental health is better alone. Until I’m alone for too long. Then it turns to the flip side and I feel like the loneliest SOB in existence. As a shy introvert, how am I supposed to eventually find a wife when I have so much social anxiety about interacting with people.

I just wanted to get on here and ask for some advice. I (20F) am with my (22M) boyfriend. We've been together for over a year now. a year and 3 months to be exact. a few months ago i read his journal where i saw him writing about this girl saying "I still think about you" "I hope one day the love for my current lover will make me forget about you" shit like that. I confronted him about it, and he said he only loves me and I told him to never do that shit again and if he is to make it so that I at least don't find out. Just 2 days ago as he was showing me something on instagram i saw his search was all her name, her @'s and her whole name was on there. It made my heart sink. Last night I confronted him about it and he said to never bring this up again as it would be best for the both of us.
On my birthday which was a few days ago, we had an argument. I wont get into much detail because it doesn't really affect the story. but he told me he's afraid to get married because he's scared to mess up. Which, at least to me, is saying he doesn't want to get married. He knows that marriage is important to me. and that i came into this relationship hoping for an endgame like such. he says he sees spending the rest of his life with me. But am i supposed to just compromise a dream of mine t get married because of his fear??
All of this together makes me feel so insecure about my current relationship. This is the longest I've ever been with someone and I genuinely do feel love from and for him. But I cant help but think that he doesn't want to get married to me and the fact that he's still in love with his ex. And that love for her would probably never go away and I just have to live with it. I see all these happily married couples and wonder why cant I have that. Why cant I just be loved 100% for once. What do i do?
TL;DR: My boyfriend of over a year doesn't want to get married to me and is still in love with his ex.

The last episode was amazing 👏 and SO funny. WS is hilarious and his love for sol makes me want him 😭 I realize it's a fantasy but he's just everything. 😍
How he was such a goof and how he was so happy that sol never dated TS. 🤣 the band members were great too.
I have wasted so much of my life on losers irl.i know it's not real but I wish it was. He just wants to make her happy.🥰
When he says he remembered everything and she sobs. Wow. Then the kiss. Beautiful
HY was also cute with her I will stay over cuteness. But jeeze who sleeps in sweaters?! Couldn't we see his chest one more time?! And what is up with sol not wanting to throw herself on that beautiful man. I mean she's 30 right?!
My heart was happy with the REAL kiss scene and the real proposal. I loved the wedding pics . They are so beautiful and their kids will be gorgeous 😍
Now I will be waiting for it to win ALL the awards and for WS and HY to announce their real love for each other.
My life will be complete when they marry for real and have their first child. 😁🥲🥰

TLDR: I started this relationship to get some action and fear of losing my hair and now I have made my gf madly in love, to the point where I can't leave.
I have been thinking deeply about my life as of late, been really messed up in the head. I realized that my relationship and my gf, who I have sacrificed years of my time, money, and freedom for is built on a lie.
I met this girl online, don't even remember where. But we talked and were friends for a bit. I was in Florida and she was in Wisconsin. Long story short, I jumped into her DM's because I was desperately horny and also because I noticed my hair was thinning a bit and I had a crisis where I basically thought that if I didn't get a girl now, I wouldn't when I had no hair. Idiotic I know, I still have my hair.
So basically, I put my heart and soul into getting this girl and she has fallen deeply in love with me. Like I am her WHOLE WORLD. She cried after I left the first time I went to see her, we only saw each other for 5 days and she was in tears.
I started to really care about her and, although I didn't know it, I was doing everything in my power for her because of my toxic people pleasing tendencies. But now I am in massive debt, in an apartment I can't afford, in a state I hate, and not able to work on myself(I have a lot to do) because I cannot imagine hurting her.
She is very caring, sweet, beautiful, and loving. But I am not ready to be in relationship financially or mentally. But I have no idea what to do, if I break up with her, she will literally be done. She will move in with her abusive parents and probably will fall into really bad depression.
She talks about wanting kids, marriage, and everything, I am HER person, but she has no idea that this relationship started and continued because I was too immature to break it off when I should've.

It always starts at 5:13 a.m. Lying in the half-light of my bedroom, I can hear heavy breathing, punctuated by deep breaths and growls that make my hair stand on end. It's there, right next to me. There’s motion. Sheets rustling, a mass rising from the bed. This time, for sure, I won't go back to sleep.
The noises continue into the next room. Familiar yet terrifying sounds, accompanied by weary sighs and muffled whispers. My nervousness increases. The wooden floor creaks and, lurking under my blankets, I pray for daybreak.
It's around 5:30 when the shower turns on. My blood immediately starts to race. I pray for it to stop, but invariably the ordeal lasts a quarter of an hour. Who are you to torture me like this? What's all this about? Why are you making these noises? I'm frozen, tetanized, I don't understand... The height of horror comes as soon as the water stops flowing. Almost immediately afterwards, I hear humming. The same eerie melody sung by a high-pitched voice. I wish I didn't have to listen, but I can't help it. I'd like to run away, but I have to stay alert. A lump forms in my throat, so much so that I have to contain my urge to vomit.
Finally, the bathroom door opens. I feel intense palpitations as my pulse continues to accelerate. Once again, the wooden slats squeak and I know it won't be much longer. It's almost over.
However, I know my respite will be short-lived, and this prospect keeps me from falling back into the arms of Morpheus. The moment the front door opens, I feel as if my body, then stretched like a rubber band stretched to the limit, is about to snap. I never lock the door at night, and I can assure you that hearing the handle turn before six o'clock gives me an intense cold sweat.
After such an experience, there's no way I can sleep, so I decide to get up. I take a few timid steps towards the bathroom, but change my mind. Hearing the creaking floorboards and the drops of water falling from the showerhead into the wet tray is beyond me. All this reminds me too much of the traumatic experience that preceded it, and which still punctuates my daily life. I'm going to put it off a little longer. Heading for the coffee machine, I'm relieved to see that it hasn't been activated this morning. Otherwise, the dread would be at its worst, but today I've been spared.
Although I've just got out of bed, I'm already exhausted. I collapse on the sofa, hot cup in hand. I sip the hot beverage slowly, careful not to make any noise. It could happen again... It will happen again: as I said, this morning's ordeal was just the first of many. I try to forget this harsh reality and allow myself a few more precious minutes of rest. This is absolutely necessary to face what lies ahead.
As I take my first step outside, I am reminded, as I am every day, that my ordeal has only just begun. There it is again, attacking me, clinging to me. It's nipping at my heels, infecting every pore of my skin. In public transport, on the street and then in my workplace, I can feel it following me and overpowering me. I don't know how I manage to put on a brave face, especially when an oblivious colleague says to me: "Say, you should see your face! What's this killer look you've got on your face?" before walking away, laughing stupidly. If he only knew...
For many, returning home is a relief. Home is often a bulwark against outside aggression. In my case, however, the nightmare continues.
At 7.06 p.m., I heard you turn the handle on the front door and come in coughing. Think of the sound of your heels clicking on the floor as torture. We discussed what we wanted to eat, then at 7.18 p.m., you rummaged in the drawer for a long time, looking for the right saucepan. Did you have to spend so much time on it? To make so much noise? Then you sat down on the sofa and started typing on your laptop, breathing so hard I could have strangled you. At 7.42pm, we sat down to dinner and you started chewing and swallowing with the delicacy of a troll breaking a two-day fast. I felt my hand tighten around the handle of my fork. How can someone as beautiful and refined as you stuff your face so noisily? At 8:12 p.m., you decided to have another shower. Why the hell do you keep torturing me? At least stop humming that stupid ditty! It's now 8.30 p.m. You've just come out of the bathroom and are changing in the bedroom. Just like this morning, I can hear the drops of water crashing to the bottom of the shower tray, making me feel like I'm about to explode.
My dear wife, I want you to know that I hate you more and more every day, from the moment you get up to go to work. Your morning alarm wakes me up and it bothers me. Not because I'm roused from sleep, but because of everything you do afterwards. All the strange, stupid things that make me hate you more and more every day. Don't take it personally, though: I hate them all. Our neighbors, friends, colleagues, not to mention all those anonymous people out there. They're so noisy they're despicable. If you knew the number of times I've felt like sawing your brakes, as you drive by with your polluting horrors. The accident would have been inevitable and the emergency services would have been helpless: I would have sabotaged their unbearable sirens, so they wouldn't have been able to arrive in time. You would then have died in excruciating agony.
You, my colleague sitting opposite me, yes, you who laughed stupidly while cutting and stapling I don't know what documents, if you only knew how much I wanted to take the scissors out of your hands. I'd have used them to slit you open and staple your guts raw. Then your unbearable sounds would have stopped and you would have died in excruciating pain.
You, the kid who was noisily chewing your Mentos at the bus stop, if you only knew how much I wished I'd had a bottle of Coke right then and there. I'd have forced the whole candy packet down your throat, then emptied a liter and a half of soda in your mouth. Just to get you over the urge to start emitting those sickening ruminations again. With any luck, your stomach would have exploded under the pressure of the gas, and you would have died in excruciating agony. It would have been such a firework display inside!
As for you, my beautiful wife, I want you to know that you unleashed one anger too many. You shouldn't have bitten your nails and the little skins around them. You know it's one of those things that saws my nerves, but you've never wanted to admit my hatred of sound and movement, minimizing the evil that never leaves me. Since you like it so much, I'll spare you the effort. This morning, I sharpened my knives. Usually, that repetitive noise is enough to fill me with hatred. Today, however, it soothed me, because as I listened to it, I thought about what I was going to do. Soon, you'll be skinned in your entirety like a farm rabbit, and then you'll die in excruciating agony. Don't imagine that I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart. Life for people suffering from misophonia is hell, and there are certain noises we can't stand. And believe me, there are so many of them that revolt me that I know they'll kill me in the end. That'll be a relief, because right now, I'm living... in excruciating agony.

In the quiet of the night, I pine, For the heart I once called mine. Lost in the tides of love's cruel game, Yearning for it to stake its claim.
It wandered off on paths unknown, Leaving me to face alone. Now I plead, with every beat, For its return, my soul to greet.
Oh, heart of mine, where do you roam? Come back to me, reclaim your home. In your absence, I am but a shell, Longing for the toll of your bell.
For without you, I am incomplete, A wandering soul, adrift, offbeat. So hear my plea, oh heart of mine, Return to me, let your light shine.
In your embrace, I find my truth, A beacon in the dark, my eternal youth. So won't you heed this heartfelt call? Come back to me, and give me all.

I loved this psychological thriller. My heart ached for little Abel, and I was SO mad at the Danish couple’s idiotic decisions.
One practical point that I can’t get past: the children have their tongues cut out to keep the Dutch couple’s scheme under wraps. But Abel and certainly Agnes are both school aged. They would be able to alert authorities with a simple handwritten note.
It’s bothered me all year since I watched the movie.

first
Luna VI query: Set the source to the translation logs of Princess Amara Auralyn.
No problem!
Luna VI query: Narrate Amara's plan to flee from the war.
***
The moment Amara's nose caught the scent of that little puff of smoke ascending from Nathan's damaged equipment, she suspected something terrible had happened. Her lack of understanding of the nature of this particular piece of human tech was unimportant. Just from knowing the fact that this was one of the few items Nathan had rushingly retrieved was more than enough for her to infer its importance.
His extremely negative reaction to its destruction also hadn't escaped her notice.
Amid the ragged bursts of breath and droplets of sweat running down his face, he stared at the smoking piece of equipment on the ground as he cursed. Then he stood up in a huff, pulling his hair as if trying to remove it from his scalp.
With the object source of their distress in between herself and Nathan, she asked a question that she already knew the answer to. "Was that the device you would use to request help?"
Nathan was breathing too fast to speak properly. "What else could. It be."
His confirmation was the last straw for her to close her eyes, allowing all the emotions she'd been suppressing to be manifested, like a multi-colored river flowing among her black spots.
When she opened her eyes again, she and Nathan were already locking gazes, him bending his head forward as he used his knees to support his upper body, while she stood upright with her head at the same vertical level as his.
Amara felt a shared sense of anger at the situation between them, but she was also afraid that Nathan’s anger was more targeted at her than at the situation.
It took some courage for her to speak first.
"Do you have other means for contacting your people?" She knew it was unlikely he had that, but it was still a question worth asking.
"The radio transmitter was being jammed. I didn't think of bringing it with me." He was recovering his breath fast. "What about you? There is that earpiece, and yesterday you had that AR visor on all day."
"The communicator in my ear is short-ranged. As for the AR visor..." She struggled to tell the truth, but she still did it. "I hid it inside a hole in a tree and forgot it."
"A hole? In a tree? Are you kidding me?"
The truth was that Amara hid it before entering Nathan's tent on the previous night. She had certain expectations and didn't want to be interrupted by the notifications.
But of course, she would never admit that.
"See any pockets?" She extended both hands and put her tail beside them, showing she had nowhere to store the items.
"Oh… sorry. Sometimes I forget our differences."
Nathan believed her so easily that she felt a little bad for him, but not bad enough to waste their precious time with unnecessary talking. "Even should I go alone, I fear I cannot retrieve our devices. I would just get killed or captured for nothing. We cannot stay here either because soon they will follow your trail; we need a plan."
She was certain the only reason the enemies hadn't followed them yet was because they had underestimated Nathan's ability to run.
"I wouldn't let you go back there even if you wanted to, Amara. But at least you are thinking now." He touched his chin, his eyes wandering around. "And yeah, we need a plan."
Unknowingly to Nathan, his words had caused Amara to drift away. And it was not because of him saying he wouldn't allow her to return, but because of his mention of the fact that she wasn't thinking before.
And this had affected her deeply because she utterly agreed with him.
By noticing how differently Ryo and Elysira had handled the same situation before they had fleed, Amara had reflected about how poorly she had reacted to the war. She was guilty of thinking about this more than just a little while Nathan was putting in all the effort to take her away from danger.
She traced back her mistake to a single moment—when Nathan had told her his list of reasons why they couldn't be together. This was when she had allowed her heart to be poisoned with rejection, which by morning had spiraled out of control by the dreadful reportings she had received, and finally, it had culminated in her emotional response to the crisis.
Which curiously Nathan had later fixed by his total commitment to staying together.
Amara found all of that pathetic.
This time she set her priorities straight as she suppressed her detrimental feelings in favor of reason. "We could trek parallel to the mountain and find a cave to hide until the elders send help."
"How long would that take?" He asked.
His questions triggered a long chain of assumptions in her mind. She first considered the political situation after the disruptive assassinations in the capital, and then the logistics of the deployment of reinforcements.
But Amara discarded the whole plan when she tried to envision how long it would take for her allies to find them in the darkness of the forest, realizing how flawed her suggestion was.
Displaying red, she said, "Help will be here today, yet the war on the ground will turn into a slow spot-and-kill conflict. My thoughts must still be clouded. To hide in the mountains is a death sentence; the rebels would have a better idea where to search for us than my allies would."
Nathan touched his face and shook his head at her admission. Without fully understanding what he was doing, she watched him approach a young tree and stare at its bark as his right arm tensed.
Before she could ask a single question, he punched the rough bark, dislodging some wood from the brittle surface and making it fall.
He said, "I'm such an idiot. Now our only option is to keep running and I didn't even bring the water."
She was taken aback by his reaction.
It was true among her species that the males could be more aggressive under stressful situations. But to go as far as hunting themselves against a tree? This was something she hadn't seen before nor she could understand.
What would she do now?
Of all her priorities, communicating with him was very high on her list. This went much beyond certain feelings she had, being directly linked to their survival. Remembering how Ryo and Elysira had handled the same situation before they had fled, she couldn't help but feel like she and Nathan were still failing at this.
Following more instinct than reason, Amara decided to approach him as the red on her skin gradually gave way to purple at every step she took.
When he was within tails reach of her, she spoke.
"I cannot read your thoughts much less can I see your feelings, but I presume that similar to me you can also sense that we failed today, am I wrong?" Nathan pursed his lips and didn't reply, leaving her at a loss for a moment. Yet she didn't give up and wrapped her tail around his wrist, raising his scraped knuckles for him to see. "Why have you done this?"
"I..." He averted his eyes from the wound, relaxing his arm. "This ain't me I swear Amara. It's just-"
"The drones are coming." She was forced to shut him up with her tail to confirm what she heard in the background while he was speaking. After adjusting the angle of her ears she added, "At least three."
Seeing Nathan's face contort from one weird expression after the other, she could only feel regret and anger that she was forced to interrupt him. But as long as they were alive they could always talk more later.
"Great!" He took a deep breath and lowered his back for her to climb. "Let's see how far I can go without water."
"No." She could hear the drones advancing slowly, likely searching for places where they might have hidden, underestimating how far Nathan had taken her. "I do not doubt you can run more, but there is no point in running unless we can lose them. Can you do what Ryo did and destroy them?"
He didn't look at her as he replied, "I could try, but I don't have whatever aim improving add-on the military gave him, much less the years of training."
"Can I borrow your loud gun then?" Amara had a seed of a plan in her mind, a risky and reckless plan but still better than doing nothing or engaging in more random running.
"What? Do you have any idea how hard is to shoot those things down?" Nathan took her request so badly that he lifted his body again to explain more. "Your species may have precise movements and all, but this revolver needs more than just aiming, there's the recoil, reloading, and I bet it hurt your ears; besides I doubt you can do better than me without having taken a single shot with one of our guns your whole life."
Nathan was not wrong.
No matter how hard it felt to admit it to herself, the truth was that she was not a frontline fighter. She could bring order. She could weed out traitors. She could give directions. But taking a gun and firing at the enemies? Even a gun crafted by her species was something she lacked experience using.
Still, the way that he expressed his doubt without even hearing what she had in mind made her quite angry. It was nothing close to the feeling of rejection from the night, but it was still enough to encourage her to double down on her idea.
"I do not intend to shoot the drones from far away like you humans do." Amara pointed at the canopy of the young tree beside them and waited for him to look up before she added, "I want to ambush them from a close distance."
His eyes widened, but Nathan still wasn't convinced. "That's dangerous Amara. What if you miss it? You'll just let them know where we are for nothing. And even if you don't miss the shots can’t they just send more drones?"
"You speak reason, but my goal extends beyond destroying them. I know how brother and my species think and I want to mislead them." Amara did her best to let him know her intention. "You will have to be my bait too, and we will need to run as fast as we can towards the valleys once I destroy them. I would explain everything if there was time, but right now you will have to trust me."
"You want to go to the valleys..." He spoke in a low voice as he scratched his head.
Seeing that he didn't straight up reject her idea this time, Amara went on for the last push, showing a forced hint of yellow to try and sound confident. "No sane individual would go to the valleys without equipment and a large group, my brother and his army will never consider searching for us in there."
She regretted her wording as soon as she was done speaking, afraid she might have scared Nathan who was taking his time to reply.
But before she could say anything more, Nathan started loading his gun and when he was done he used his thumb to lower a little lever. "You have to pull this thing down each time before pulling the trigger, but I guess you saw me doing it enough times already." He then undid his action before offering the gun to her as he held it by the muzzle. "Don't forget to hold it with all your might or the recoil will hurt you."
She considered saying some words to let him know how much his trust meant to her, but the drones were approaching and there were more important things to say. Her tail simply coiled around the gun, and she took it as the weight of the task ahead caused the object to feel heavier than it was.
She considered if she should ask for more ammunition, but concluded she wouldn't have time to reload, which she knew was bad despite making things significantly easier.
"Go there and make it convincing that you are absolutely exhausted, can you?" Using her tail, Amara pointed at a bright spot on the ground, where a beam of blue light was making its way from the canopies to the ground. "This is important Nathan. The operators must believe you reached your limit, they must report to my brother that you cannot run much longer."
"This won't be too hard." His lips curled into a hint of a smile. "But are you sure they don't use AI instead of operators to guide the drones?"
"Only you humans are crazy enough to disregard the only law the alliance enforces." She started climbing the tree with each of her clawed hands poking holes into the bark from a different side, but when she was already above Nathan, she looked below. "I am counting on you. We made too many mistakes today, one more and it might not be forgiven."
"I'll do what you asked, okay? Just hit the drones and don't fall from the tree." He said before running towards the spot she had instructed him.
With each of them agreeing on their role, Amara kept climbing the tree, finding little difficulty in her initial task. This was so easy that almost all of her attention was focused on tracking the spinning blades of the drones, which were constantly approaching at a speed that suggested they were doing a minute inspection of the ground.
It was only when she was already high above that she noticed the first problem.
If she wanted the advantage of shooting the drones from the same plane they were approaching, Amara would either have to give up a hand for the aim, or she would have to compromise her camouflage by wrapping her legs around the tree to help her tail to hold her body.
Neither of the options was ideal, but doing nothing was even worse, which led her to choose to sacrifice some of her ability to aim in favor of a tighter grip, ensuring that her legs kept hidden behind the trunk as she pressed each of her clawed fingers of her left hand against the rough bark for a secure hold.
Feeling a burning anxiety like she never felt before, she transferred the gun from her tail to her right hand and surrounded the tree with her now free tail to improve her grip even more.
She then turned her head and took a final glance at Nathan and confirmed he was stooping down and breathing loudly, exactly on the spot she had asked him to go.
Now everything was ready.
Amara hid the gun in between her belly and the tree as her whole body mimicked the brownish color of the bark, even her tail and hair transitioning from their typical blue to a copy of the textured color surrounding her.
Her eyes closed and only a mental representation of her surroundings remained, being especially accurate this time as if her her body knew there was no room for mistakes.
As the seconds passed, her heart rate slowed down and her awareness peaked. Of all her body, only her long ears slightly moved as the positions of the three drones became less foggy in her mind the closer they got to her.
The fact that one of them suddenly stopped moving right in front of the tree was something she expected, that being the exact moment its sensors had found Nathan on the ground.
Instead of attacking, Amara waited.
And almost envisioning the exact conversation the operators were having behind their visors, she gauged the time they took to communicate among themselves by observing how long the other two drones had taken to start moving closer to the one that had spotted Nathan first.
This wasn't a lot of time, which put into perspective how fast she would have to act in order to prevent the other two drones from repositioning after the first one was destroyed.
Her heart was beating slowly and her mind was focused; the chances of the targets getting closer were no different than that of them getting more distant.
Somewhere inside she could feel it—now was the perfect moment for her attack.
Amara's eyes snapped open and her heart rate multiplied by nearly threefold, preparing her for intense exertion. The muscles of her left arm propelled her body sideways, taking her head away from the protection of the tree trunk. That happened at the same time that her clawed finger pulled down the little lever, just like Nathan had taught her.
Her eyes locked first on the most distant target, which was not further away from her than twelve meters, and her right arm moved accordingly, raising the gun as her clawed finger slipped into the trigger.
She knew how painful to her ears the noise would be, yet she still forced her eyes to stay open as she pulled the trigger.
Except, she flinched at the last moment and ended up missing the target because of it.
Now her ears were ringing and the number of targets was the same, fueling her fury for the next shots she fired in a quick sequence.
It took three more attempts to destroy the furthest target, turning her fury into apprehension.
And apprehension quickly transitioned into despair when, after destroying the middle target with two shots, she pulled the trigger aiming at the closed drone, only to hear an empty click.
The drone rotated towards her and she also felt Nathan's gaze in the distance, screaming something that she was too numb to understand.
Would she be the reason for their demise?
Just the thought of how happy her brother would be for seeing her so helpless was more than enough of a reason for her to not accept that.
So at the lack of bullets, she spitefully threw the gun at the spinning blades.
And when the outcome of her desperate action did little more than cause the drone to lose control for a few moments, she still refused to give up and pounced on it as if she were a trained huntress.
If Bhaela could jump from a tree and dig her claws into the veins of an Oczoil from high above and survive to tell the tale, why couldn't she do the same with a little drone?
Her confidence only lasted until no part of her body was touching the tree and her limbs contacted the blades, causing a sharp pain, which she promptly forgot as flesh and machine plummeted together.
Amara tried to use her tail and arms to cushion the fall, but unlike Bhaela graceful performance, all she achieved was her belly smashing the drone against the ground before her arms and head split the kinetic energy from the fall.
Her vision went black after that, but Amara knew she wasn't dead because that annoying ringing sound in her ears persisted, reminding her of her failure.
Time became confused in her state of disorientation, and she had no idea how long had passed when she felt her eyes being opened. As she watched the world around her through a red filter, Amara got to see Nathan's mouth moving, but she was unable to grasp a single word he said.
In a rushed manner, he took off his jacket and pulled out a knife, which he then used to slice a piece of fabric.
He said something again, and she felt his hand pressing against her forehead, the severed portion of his jacket he held being large enough to cover even her eyes below.
Amara felt like sleeping this time, the darkness feeling more welcoming than scary.
But before she could fall asleep, she noticed her body being lifted from the ground. And unlike the last time, she was being held from below as Nathan's hand kept her head locked against his body.
The last memory she retained before her consciousness faded was of hearing the rhythmic sound of his breathing and his loud steps below, feeling as if she might have wrapped her tail around his arm. Yet, she remained unsure whether she had truly done so or if it was just a product of her imagination.
***
This was an account based on Amara's plan to flee from the war. The previous narrative is based on the events of the morning of the twentieth day of the exploratory mission of Irisa. According to your current settings, no queries will be suggested.
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been tormenting myself over this for like a year now. been typed as an isfp, istp and infp online before so i give up.

• Is there a medical diagnosis that impact your mental/comportamental stability somehow?

general anxiety

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

i grew up with catholic parents, but they weren't heavily religious and very easy going. had a few common sense rules growing up but nothing crazy. youngest of 5 so i was always coddled by eberyone.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

very curious. i love asking questions, looking for deeper meanings, finding information etc. i have a really fond interest in history and if something interests me, i could research it for hours.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

absolutely not. i lack self confidence and i'm usually dependent on other people to make decisions. if it's a thing where i know i'm confident in, i wouldn't mind leading but i would never willingly step up to lead something especially not having full knowledge of what i'm getting into.

• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

yes. from a super young age i've always enjoyed drawing and doodling. i love colorful, expressive art. although i didn't really keep up with it as i got older, i still to this day wish i kept it up because i always got complimented with my art and i found it as a way to express myself.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

i dwell on the past and worry for the future. i never really stick to the present. i'm always thinking "why did i do that?" "how will this turn out?" and it always bothers me, im quite an over thinker, especially thinking of tje future.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

depending on what it is, i would. i think i'm my own mind it's just decency to do things for others, if they do things for you. i'm always quite aware if people are constantly requesting things off me , yet do nothing in return i don't bother.

• Do you need logical consistency in your life?

yes. although i do like to live in the fantasy of my own head of how things might go etc. i know i need to be logical too, even if i don't like the thought of the outcome. (does that even make sense ??)

• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

i don't think so ?? there may have been times in my life where i've manipulated silly things for my own gain, but i would never on purpose try to control someone.

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
  i like to plan how i'm gonna do things, but then it doesn't turn out how i planned it so i just go with the flow. then panic because it's not like i've planned.
  
• What's important to you and why?
  

morals? how someone treats me and others can really effect me, especially when they're close to me. how i do in life is also very important to me, if im not content with myself it really effects me.

• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

i hate conflict. if i'm in conflict, especially with people who aren't my immediate family or sends me into a complete panic. i don't like to stir things or argue with people who aren't family. also the fear of being abandoned, i think speaks for itself.

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

really productive, high energy and eager to talk to others. * What do the "lows" in your life look like?
will not leave my room, extremely unmotivated and irritated and want to be left alone

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
  
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
  

too long. i have to think of every single pro and con and weigh them out. i want to listen to my brain but my heart sometimes wins. i overthink absolutely everything so i end up going for the safest options. then i regret it.

• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

i think i'm very aware of my emotions. i know when i'm upsetting people and i know when i'm upset. most of the time i'm aware but i just don't do anything about it. i'm terrible at expressing my emotions, more so when i'm upset but they are very important in my life and i think i'm quite an emotional person.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

yes. usually only with people i'm not super close to. i hate conflict so i will just agree to make tne happy.