Irregular figures
OPILL: induces my period? help please
2024.06.01 05:44 Electrical-Ad4337 OPILL: induces my period? help please
So I started Opill about a month ago because I started getting serious with my current boyfriend and my periods are too irregular to be sexually active safely. I’ve taken birth control pills about 3 times before and only had a similar issue like this once before.
Usually I was recommended to start taking the pill on the first day of my period. So I got my period on a Saturday and then started the first pill on the following Sunday for the sake of the starting day of the pack. My period was light and usually non symptomatic until it wouldn’t go away. On the 7th day it started getting heavy and I figured I would tough it out for another week. But then it got real heavy and I started to feel bloated and cramped. I took the pill for about 14 days out of the 28 days possible because my heavy flow days didn’t seem to be getting better.
I got off of it and my period ended about 5 days later. So in total that time around from the day before I took the first pill til the last day, I had my period for about 20 days.
I took a two week break and (unfortunately me and my boyfriend had an accident in the middle and I had to take a plan B) then started again on the 23rd of this month this time not on my period. It was good for a week and now my period is starting again even though it’s my 9th day taking the pill. Is this normal?
Am I dumb? I thought birth control was supposed to take your period away but it seems to induce mine or make it worse? Is this normal? I don’t want to take it if I have to endure a long period because I’m anemic and I also want to be sexually active (sorry not sorry). Should I try a different method? Am I taking it wrong?
submitted by Electrical-Ad4337 to birthcontrol [link] [comments]
Usually I was recommended to start taking the pill on the first day of my period. So I got my period on a Saturday and then started the first pill on the following Sunday for the sake of the starting day of the pack. My period was light and usually non symptomatic until it wouldn’t go away. On the 7th day it started getting heavy and I figured I would tough it out for another week. But then it got real heavy and I started to feel bloated and cramped. I took the pill for about 14 days out of the 28 days possible because my heavy flow days didn’t seem to be getting better.
I got off of it and my period ended about 5 days later. So in total that time around from the day before I took the first pill til the last day, I had my period for about 20 days.
I took a two week break and (unfortunately me and my boyfriend had an accident in the middle and I had to take a plan B) then started again on the 23rd of this month this time not on my period. It was good for a week and now my period is starting again even though it’s my 9th day taking the pill. Is this normal?
Am I dumb? I thought birth control was supposed to take your period away but it seems to induce mine or make it worse? Is this normal? I don’t want to take it if I have to endure a long period because I’m anemic and I also want to be sexually active (sorry not sorry). Should I try a different method? Am I taking it wrong?
2024.06.01 04:44 Kayoz_Hydra Alternate Really Acolytes: Introduction
 | Ancient legends from thousands of years’ past once told of a magical portal that resided in a forest in the north. A tale that a portal as black as night which bore three rings on its frame would sing a song of chaos before unleashing forces of calamity upon the world. While this portal was easily found, every attempt to destroy the ruinous portal was left unsuccessful. Heroes’ swords would shatter upon its cold, metallic frame. Dwarven forged magma would cool instantly upon contact. No form of magic could move, much less scratch it. In the end, instead of attempting to destroy the device, researchers studied it in an attempt to reduce the damage of whatever could come from the other side. submitted by Kayoz_Hydra to wizardposting [link] [comments] Countless centuries had passed. The building that surrounded the portal had changed several times, from a temple of worship, to an altar to appease the unknown gods beyond, to a facility of study. Scholars, researchers, and the top scientists have come and gone. Even to this day, nothing could be figured out about the device. Its metal was stronger than any alloy ever known and its makeup couldn’t even be determined. The runes on its rings were never translated, for no correlation could be found from any written language. As time went by, people gave up and soon after, the legend fell into obscurity, the protection spells cast upon and around the portal had expired long ago, and the world forgot about the calamity that was supposed to come. The facility that now housed the ruins had fallen into disarray long ago. The only thing that remained the same was the black sheen of the portal’s rings, unmoved, untouched, and unchanged. One day, a group of juvenile kids broke through the rusted doors of the facility, “You sure you know where we are going?” one of the kids, a teenage human boy, asked, “You said we’d find an ancient artifact, but all I’ve seen so far is a bunch of junk machinery.” “Quit complaining,” a young elf boy replied, “I’ve been exploring this place for about a century and the building has been abandoned for longer. The artifact can’t be moved at all, so it’s not like it’s going to have gone anywhere.” “So, what are we going to do with it that hundreds of adults haven’t done?” a tiefling girl questioned, “It’s not like we’ve got the ability to do much, Jaz. Seriously, only one of us is from a sorcerer bloodline, and he’s the youngest of us three.” “That’s exactly why I brought him with us Tal,” Jaz brushed the comment aside as he shoved a sliding door back into its socket, “Erick isn’t just from any old sorcerer bloodline, but from a wild magic bloodline. While most people claim that there’s only a select amount of reactions that could happen when magic goes wild, my grandfather claims that to be untrue, so we’re going to test that theory tonight.” The three trekked through the ruins of the derelict testing site, passing by multiple research halls and storage facilities holding ancient machines, artifacts, and constructs from generations’ past. Along the way, Erick spoke up, “Even if we do manage to activate the portal, what do you expect to happen? Wasn’t there an old tale of the portal bringing calamity?” “Oh please,” Jaz waved Erick’s concerns aside, “That crummy old legend is so long overdue. If the portal was to bring the end times, it would have been done by now. I’m sure whatever that was supposed to come about had already done so before the legend was even created.” “So, we’re opening a portal to a realm where an old disaster came from. I highly doubt anything would go wrong with that idea,” Tal mocked sarcastically. “Sheesh, no one here has that spirit of adventure that we had five years ago, I see,” Jaz huffed to himself. Eventually, after passing through expansive corridors, the three made it to the center of the building, coming across a pair of bunker doors, “Oh, wow. Looks like a portal, alright,” Tal deadpanned. “Jeeze, no need to be an ass about it. I saw the portal frame beyond these doors by looking through reinforced glass on the sides of the room,” Jaz retorted. “So why aren’t we going through those rooms instead of trying to bust our way through a heavy set of doors?” Tal asked. “Because those pathways are nothing but catwalks above a pit I can’t even see the bottom of. And if I recall correctly, explosions tend to not be good on catwalks, and none of us can fly.” “So we are getting through this door… how?” Jaz smirked, “That’s where you come in. You know how your infernal powers are extremely potent? Strong enough to melt that old bunker tank we found a few months ago with ease?” Tal thought back to that moment and recalled how she melted a tank in several seconds while her other tiefling friends struggled to even warp the plating. “Well, if it’s strong enough to melt a tank, I’m sure it’s strong enough to melt a door. So give it a crack.” “Fine, I’m not sure how well this will go, but I’ll give it a shot.” Tal passed by Erick and Jaz before stopping in front of the right bunker door. She rubbed her hands together before placing them on the metal front of the door, focusing on channeling her innate magic through her hands. Slowly, the area of metal she was pressing against started to give off heat, even turning red before Tal began to sweat from straining herself. With a gasp, she let go of the door, a faint pair of handprints barely indented the door, “That’s all I got. We ain’t getting through.” “Seriously, Taffy? That’s all you got?” Jaz blurted out. “Hey! Don’t call me Taffy! You know I hate that name!” Tal shot back. “Oh, yeah? What are you going to do? Taffy!” Jaz mocked, “Ta-” he was interrupted by a fireball flying at him. Jaz barely ducked out of the way, singing his hair almost to the roots, leaving a giant hole in his hair and a large scorch mark behind him. “Oh it’s on.” The two got in each other's faces, looking like they were about to trade blows. Meanwhile Erick simply studied the doors, tracing the exterior until he found a subtle mark in the corner. He gave it a closer look and found that it was actually a welding indent, probably hiding the wires that powered the giant doors. He traced them back several rooms to find an electrical panel. Upon opening it, he found that the fuses were all corroded heavily. Tossing the ruined material away, Erick found a set of wires that didn’t seem to have weathered much decay. Taking a deep breath, he focused his magic in his best attempt to keep it from going wild, stuck his hand into the panel, and cast his magic, causing a large surge of electricity to go through the wires. Red emergency lights turned on as a siren began to blare. Returning to the room in front of the doors, he found that the two had actually come to blows while he was gone. Jaz was in a half nelson grapple while trying to space himself by holding Tal at arm’s length by the chin, he had a large bruise on his cheek while Tal had a small chipping on one of her horns. The two apparently stopped when the doors were activated. When the doors stopped and the sirens returned to silence, Jaz and Tal turned towards Erick with their mouths agape, “There, solved the problem,” Erick said nonchalantly, passing by his friends and into the room ahead, “Now c’mon, we have a portal to activate, don’t we?” Jaz and Tal shook their heads as they got off each other and caught up with Erick, only to find him at the top of a set of stairs with his mouth agape this time. They followed his gaze and reacted the same when they realized that the portal they’ve been after this whole time, was glowing, “That wasn’t how it looked like a week ago,” Jaz confirmed. The glow quickly became an afterthought when the portal rumbled as the rings began to move for the first time in centuries. They slowly accelerated until the runes became impossible to track. Once the rings reached their apex speed, the droning sound of what sounded like chants were heard coming from the portal. The droning died out quickly as the rings quickly stopped, before turning the opposite direction and the droning began again. This became a pattern as more sounds followed in suit: ticking, clicking, scraping, hissing, chirping, and an eerie whistle all followed in a somehow harmonious tune, all following the chant of the portal. “A portal that would sing a song of ruin before releasing disaster upon the world,” Jaz whispered. “What do we do now?” Erick asked, “Should we get someone? Wasn’t this supposed to be a dangerous artifact?” “I don’t know,” Tal breathed through clenched teeth, “Would anyone be able to react fast enough? Should we contact the magic council? I mean, we aren’t supposed to be here. What do you think, Jaz? Jaz?!” she turned to find that Jaz had turned tail and fled the scene not too long ago, “Jaz!” she called again. No response. Not soon after, the portal’s rings froze in place suddenly, a moment of pure silence filled the room as the rings suddenly burst into its segments, all floating in orbit around its center. From each segment, a beam of energy emerged from it and coalesced into an orb of plasma at the center, slowly growing wider until it filled the original empty space the portal had. From within the ball of plasma, two beings emerged from its core. A man with jet black hair, tanned skin, and dark jade green eyes emerged first. His clothing looked like he came right from an apocalypse. He looked around the room before turning back around and reached back into the portal, pulling a woman out from the core. The woman had white hair, pale skin, and radiant purple eyes. Her clothing looked like it was in an even worse state, her black robes were completely tattered. She looked around as well before turning back to the man. The language she spoke was completely foreign to the two young teens. The man conversed in the same unknown language before turning back to the area around them. Eventually, the two beings found Erick and Tal. The kids were paralyzed by both fear and awe at what just happened, both holding their breath in hope that the two beings from beyond ignore them. Alas, that hope was squandered as the two approached them. The man and woman approached the two, Erick locked eyes with the man as he stared through the kid. Irregular eyes was the first thing Erick noticed, his left being rectangular like an octopus, while his right was sharp like a lizard’s. The woman stared in turn at Tal, her purple eyes faintly glowed and revealed a sense of curiosity, the only emotion Tal could find on the woman’s face. With a breath, the man spoke, “Ahf' ye'bthnk ymg' ah ai, gof'n?” Erick was stunned, he was expecting a language that would pierce the fabric of reality, or make his head explode. Instead, it was simply a sentence that he just didn’t know or understand, “Uh… um… I don’t know what you said, sir…” he wasn’t even sure if the beings were male and female at the time, or if they had a concept of gender where they were from, but he spoke on pure instinct, worried any word he uttered would result in the being to become enraged and turn him inside out. Tal eyed Erick with baited breath, hoping this encounter with the unknown wouldn’t result in either of their demise. The result was a rather tame one compared to their wildest expectations. Instead, the male being studied Erick before clearing his throat, “Apologies, it’s been a few centuries since I spoke in this language. I didn’t expect the first people we would meet to be so young.” “There’s a third, running away from here,” the woman pointed in a direction between the facility and the village the three kids were from, her eyes glowed brighter for a brief moment, “Older, age-wise, but still young physically and mentally,” her voice was monotone, like someone who couldn’t portray emotion. The male nodded before turning back to Erick and Tal, “What’s this world like? Does magic exist here? Creatures of legend and beings as old as time?” “T-there’s plenty of magic around,” Tal explained, “Almost every living thing has at least some magic within them.” “And there have been times where the gods have roamed the land,” Erick added, “It’s not often they are seen though, mostly within or around the wizard council.” The male hummed, seeming pleased with the answer, “It seems our hunch was right. I think we’ll be around for a while, Sister.” “Very well,” the woman replied, “Let’s get settled, then.” The two proceeded to pass by Erick and Tal, heading towards the facility’s entrance. “W-wait!” Erick blurted out, causing the two to stop and turn back towards the kids. As Tal looked like she was about to have a heart attack, Erick summoned the courage to ask, “There was an old prophecy, or I guess a legend about that portal,” he pointed back to the portal, which had now converted back to it’s original position, no trace it was active at all once more, “The stories tell that beings of calamity would come through and destroy this world. Are you two those beings of calamity?” The two stared at each other before returning back to the kids, both speaking in unison, “We can be,” before turning back to the entrance and continuing onward. Erick and Tal watched the two leave their sight before looking at each other with both confusion and dread. After several minutes, the rundown atmosphere started to get to the kids and they hastily took their leave. Upon returning to the village, they were promptly scolded by family members for being out so late, but both refused to tell any details regarding their adventure. They met up with Jaz the following morning and after a verbal beatdown for chickening out despite being the one to bring up the idea of going to the facility, Jaz confirmed that he didn’t tell anyone about what happened the prior day either. The three swore to not speak of the incident unless the world was about to end, for fear that they would be not believed at least, or ostracized for their actions at most. Decades later, none of them spoke a word of that fateful day, but all three wonder what happened to the two that came from the portal, or where they could now be. The elder brother sighed, “Be thankful that your fire skeleton incident caused me to promptly fireproof my home. I’m sure a salamander wouldn’t burn this house down, but it makes me more at ease that your lover won’t cause me any financial pain. Sure, Aurora, you can bring Glo over here from now on. Just make sure she doesn’t damage the electrical plant.” Aurora’s eyes beamed with joy, “Yay!” she threw her hands into the air, symbolizing the excitement her voice couldn’t portray, “Thank you, Arcturus.” “Yeah, yeah, just don’t cause a mess.” Arcturus groaned as the doorbell rang. He got up from his sofa and approached the door, opening it to find a young man in a delivery uniform, “Grubber Eats order for… Arcturus?” “Yep, that’s me…” he looked at the nametag on the guy’s uniform, “Erick? With a C and K?” Erick sighed, “Yeah, the parents back in our home village had a weird tradition for giving their kids weird names, like Eric with a second letter that makes the same sound, a name that’s been long ago shortened to either a C or K mind you, or Taffy for my fiance’s name, but don’t tell her I called her that, she’s hated that name since our childhood.” “Fiance eh?” Arcturus asked as he accepted the food, “This your primary job?” Erick shook his head, “No, I have another as the village’s local sorcerer. Being the only one in my family to actually be able to control their magic tends to open a lot of jobs when most people there aren’t as magically gifted compared to other towns. This is just a second job for us to pay for a new house.” “Well that’s cool. Good luck with your future endeavors.” Arcturus studied the man’s appearance, recognizing some features from someone long ago, “Say, any chance your girl is a tiefling?” Erick looked stunned, “Why, yes… how did you-” he made a double take upon see Arcturus’ jade green eyes, “Are… are you that man that came from the portal a few decades ago?” Arcturus laughed, “Yes, that was me, and my sister, Aurora. Nice to formally meet you, the name’s Arcturus Maestas, my sister still has the same last name, too.” Arcturus held out his hand. Erick nervously shook his hand in return, “Nice to meet you too… You aren’t going to destroy this world any time soon, are you?” he asked, “Or your sister, or anyone you guys know?” “No, nothing like that for a while,” Arcturus shook his head, “Our patron hasn’t scheduled any formal chaos within this universe from our end for the next…” he pulled out a parchment that looked both in and out of tune with the visuals of their current world, “collapse and reformation of the universe, plus one point seven trillion years. So basically around a similar time after this universe has reset itself.” The parchment disappeared as suddenly as it appeared. “I… I see,” Erick laughed sheepishly, “Well, it’s nice to meet you again, Mr. Maestas. I should get going now,” Erick turned heel as he prepared to leave. At that moment, Arcturus noticed something only he could see. After a bit of hesitation, he decided to follow through with it, “One moment, Erick,” Arcturus called out, causing the human to freeze and turn back around, “How are things going financially? You expect to pay off that house in a reasonable time?” Erick paused for a moment, considering if he should answer honestly, “To be frank, no, things aren’t reasonable right now. Even with the payment from both of my jobs, Tal had to get herself some as well to keep up with expenses. Even then, our average profit is about a dozen gold per month. And we bought a house without a down payment for about thirty thousand…” “Sounds a bit out of reach for someone like you two,” Arcturus admitted. “It is, but it was the only one we could get within reason. Despite being of use to our village, my family has a reputation for its debt due to wild magic incidents. My parents both died recently, so the village placed the debt upon me. Fortunately, things could be even worse. I heard that small towns can still often find scorn against infernal beings like tieflings, so going beyond our village isn’t really an option for better housing of reasonable size. This is the best we can do without working ourselves to death or traveling farther than what we are comfortable with,” Erick lamented. Arcturus thought for a bit before asking Erick to wait a moment. He ventured into his basement and pulled out a small bag of coins. Upon returning to the door, he tossed the bag to Erick, “Here’s a tip, twenty platinum should suffice,” “Are… are you sure I can have this?” Erick asked as he counted the coin, to which Arcturus nodded, “T-thank you. How can I repay you for such generosity?” “Like I said, it’s a tip, so that’s already paid for in just,” Arcturus explained, “However, I can offer more if you so desire. The only cost is you help me and my sister with some basic endeavors. You said you have been learning to control your magic?” Erick nodded, “Good, then you can help us with some things. We can pay you much more for much less than what your current jobs will force you through. Think it over. Come knocking again if you ever consider. There will be a bit of danger, so the pay will be well beyond reasonable if accidents do occur. I will ensure you’re not in mortal peril, though.” “Really? Thank you. I’ll discuss this with my fiance. I hope to see you again, Mr. Maestas. Have a good rest of your day.” “You too, Erick.” Arcturus waved the young man off before closing the door and placing his order on the table, “Food.” Aurora stared at her brother, “Don’t incite the one word incantation, Arc. We don’t need him here right now.” Nonetheless, she got up from the couch and opened her share of the meal. “Who was that? I’ve never seen you give a courier such a generous tip before.” “An old acquaintance from our early years here. He performed a favor for us greater than he even knows, I’m just simply offering to repay such generosity. I doubt he would have accepted the payment in full outright if I didn’t give him a job. The favor would be miniscule to him from an outside perspective after all.” Arcturus winked as three draconic eyes and a crown of jagged horns warped into the fabric of reality around him, giving Aurora a clear message of what he meant. “I see. If we shall repay him, then we shall do so to what he would consider acceptable.” And with that, their conversation ended. The two sat in silence as they ate while a couple of towns over, a recently engaged couple would soon discuss what fortune had been offered to them. Little did the latter half know what this fortune would truly entail, and that a lifetime’s worth of adventures would soon follow. Meanwhile in the forest of the north, the frame of the portal flickered to life once more, causing an eerie drone to echo throughout the facility. |
2024.06.01 03:06 pohltergiest The journey's end, some 4000km and 4 Mount Everests later...
 | I could hardly sleep I was so nervous to get started, waking as if I was going to the airport. It got very cold overnight, bringing us full circle to the cold wet nights at the start of our trip. Taking a little while to snuggle one last time in the tent, we got up and packed up our gear for one last big ride. submitted by pohltergiest to RainbowRamenRide [link] [comments] We started in full gear, minus our rain pants. My leggings are totally torn to shreds from riding in, the stitching never meant to accomodate my legs as they are now and the thousands of cycles of long distance riding. They held for the hour or so that I needed them. The first hour of our ride had some low rolling hills that served to keep us warm in the humid 6 degree weather, though the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds. As promised, our start before 6am proved to be windless, an absolute necessity for the route we were taking for the day. On the coast to Wakkanai there was only one town of a size necessary to have a convenience store, teshio. After an hour we arrived to have our bathroom break and get ourselves prepped for the long stretch between here and Wakkanai, some 75km with no services or support. I was nervous as a breakdown would necessitate flagging a passing truck, there didn't seem to be any transit that ran through here. We picked this way because it was flat and flat means distance. I wanted to beat Bryce's personal best because... Well I suppose if you've ever done solo sports you'd understand. Just because. Felt like a feather in the cap of an otherwise exemplary trip. Why not finish things off with a bang? North of teshio we got on the highway that would take us on the narrow strip of land that ran between the coastline and the vast swamps that dominate the landscape here. Most of the stripnwas part of the national park that was shared with the series of volcanic islands off the coast to our left. Rishiri towered over the ocean around, a true lonely mountain stabbed out of the ocean like a spear. All around, flatlands just couldn't compete for the eyes like the snow-streaked mountain island. We thought about maybe taking a ferry there from Wakkanai, but we've been to enough places for now. As we turned north onto the sunset highway, we saw a long, straight line of wind turbines standing guard on the coast, silent. We were surprised at the quality of the road and the degree of infrastructure used to create it, some areas having dozens of kilometers of storm drainage embedded into the road. Why have advanced features when the only residents of the area are wind turbine and migratory birds? Further on, the 60 km stretch of deserted highway even had deployable windscreens, a very expensive and resource heavy means of ensuring the road remains navigable by tall vehicles during heavy winds. There are parallel ways to Wakkanai, and no towns are on this road, why make it so robust? We cycled on and on, the scenery never changing aside from Rishiri slowly moving backwards in our view. Sometimes there were more wind turbines, sometimes none. Always on our left between us and the water was irregular lumpy hills, and to the right, gravel pit mines. We've seen these odd hills to the left before, looking like peaks in merengue topped with grasses. My best guess is that the highway was built to specification but the ditches to either side were left with less than specific instruction. Why smooth out the dirt if you weren't told to? So now there are endless rows of strange looking hills, all different shapes, looking like a collosal dirt bike track. I'm sure some people use them as such. The gravel pit mines to our right was a typical scene in the so called parks, 60km of land dug out to make concrete to fill the coastline. Maybe the highway was so nice just because endless trucks went back and forth to bring the vast quantities of extracted gravel from the area to other places. The gravel strip had its topsoil scraped off and pushed further to our right, obstructing any view of the land beyond. This we were corralled in a very regular column of sea, hills, ditch, road, gravel pits, hills. On and on, for hours. We took turns leading, switching every 10km. We stopped for food and drinks and bathroom breaks, feeling like every stop was identival to the last. The sun rose higher and the clouds parted, leaving us with the slightly uncomfortable temperature differential of a cold windy front and a hot sweaty back. Difficult to dress for that, but biking shorts and a sweater seemed to do the trick. All the while I was keeping my eye on the northern coastline. At some point, we would be able to see Sakhalin, and likely the only time I will see Russia. Until the regime changes and the society becomes more safe for people like me, view from afar is the best I can do. Still, the island is a hotbed of geopolitical historical drama and to see any region of Russia's almost mythical Far East is a treat that only I will boast in my circles. Finally, some 80km in, the highway changes and we go up and over a small hill and begin rolling down an unmodified coastline towards cape noshappu. We passed through Bakkai, a fishing village that clings to existence like lichen on an arctic rock. Only a few buildings still look occupied, the rest rusting or dry-rotting husks slowly falling apart in the cold salty air. A weather-beaten man with leathery skin waved to us from piles of junk, I wonder what he was up to. A broad-leafed plant reminiscent of rhubarb dominates the landscape here, we surmised it must be invasive as it truly is growing in every crevice of the landscape. More north and the odd block house planted on the flat land by the coast turns into several, as we enter the community of noshappu near the cape. We see an active school, the first we've seen in days. Everything south of here is shut down, not enough children to run schools. As we approach the cape, massive green installations come into view on the high hills overlooking the cape, great spheres and cylinders all painted in matte shades of green. Military. That explains the overly built highway, this huge installation of dozens of communication and radar facilities must be accessible no matter what weather is occuring. Just to deploy the windscreens installed on that much highway would take... Well it would take an army. Barracks to permanently host hundreds and hundreds of personnel were along the highway, all in the same green. How many more were up in the hills I have no idea. We tried not to hit too many potholes as we rubbernecked at the giant green shapes on the hill and cracked jokes about keeping an eye on the "ruskies". Before long we were at cape noshappu and it was time for a break. We gazed long at Rishiri and here we caught our first glimpse of Sakhalin, the oft-fought over sliver of the north. A monument nearby told the story of the hundreds of thousands of Ainu who were forcibly removed and evacuated ahead of the red Army's advance in WW2. The island traded hands many times over hundreds of years, falling into the domination of China, Japan, and Russia at different times, but always were the indigenous people treated as an extractable commodity. No ruling nation deserves the place after how the locals were treated. A sad story all around. Rolling the short distance into Wakkanai proper, we stopped for a light light at a ramen restaurant. We got the local shio ramen, which is a very light broth flavoured with salt (hence shio-salt). The noodles were tasty, and it was served with slices of what seemed to be roast beef. It wasn't very filling, but we didn't want to be full, we needed quick energy as we still had over 60km to go. We took a bit longer to stop at a Seicomart for some energy gels and sports drinks. Willing our bodies to keep going after riding for 100km before 11am, we pressed on. Wakkanai is a very long city, most of it twenty times longer than it is wide, so it felt like we were riding through a good sized city as we took the main road to the east side of town. We were impressed though at the size of the place, all the usual trappings of a Japanese city, except far far removed from any other. The nearest city of comparable size is 250km away, a truly vast spread for a country where you can't seem to throw a rock and not hit a city if the land is flat. What anchors so many here? Maybe the train line, maybe fishing fleets? We saw many structures for drying fish along the way, scaffolding for nothing besides the carcasses of innumerable brown fish drying in the cold sun. Windy, chilly, and relatively dry air makes for good drying I suppose. East of Wakkanai the road gently curved around to the north and we struggled a little bit against the relatively light wind from that direction that had picked up. After 12km we stopped at another Seicomart as my body was rebelling a bit and I wanted a bathroom break, a stretch and a chocolate bar to keep going. I scarfed an energy gel and told myself we were almost there, we only needed to go another 12km to the cape. The 30km back, well, that was future problem to figure out. Gritting my teeth and pushing into the wind, we made good speed through the north facing section and began the looping coastline of the far north reaches of Japan. This being our fifth day in the saddle meant for sore backs, and sore butts. I expected to be a bit giddy at the sight of the last landscapes of our long ride and I was correct in my prediction. One more turn and the cape came into view, the modest triangular monument unmistakable after seeing one just like it three months ago. I rolled into the parking lot at the cape, my body fizzing slightly. It's done! Finally, the long journey is over. We parked our bikes, took out photos, and had a seat on a nearby beach to have some more fuel. Bryce brought some fireworks that we lit off, making a small nuisance. Someone on a different beach was doing the same, and fireworks on the beach is perfectly legal here, so we enjoyed our little celebration. This was a hard journey, hard in a way I've not experienced because there was no sunk cost to it, we could stop at any time and no change would occur to my life circumstances. Why do this? I suppose it's proof that I can do what is necessary, that I can be resourceful. I've spent the last five years of my life grappling with various levels of mental distress, ranging from somewhat impaired functionality to a loss of independence that shredded my confidence and led me to constantly make contingencies in case I would falter. The temporary but terrifying lapses in muscle control and the mental storm that accompanied it forced me to build my life with a monster always hiding in a shadow, the what-if preventing me from commiting to responsibilities I used to take in stride. I had to change my career, then change again. Instead of being the person with a five year trajectory, I lived hour to hour, any further plans totally contingent on the day's storm of unpredictable emotions, mood swings, and biochemical fluxes that tormented me. This trip was a frivolous pipe dream that started as silly pillow-talk, but my unstable mind latched onto it as a buoy, a concrete goal depending on no outside system but my own ability to map out a plan from the delicate, touch and go person I was to the resourceful, able, person I am now. Maybe I would have gotten here anyways, but it was always easier to say "I need to focus on therapy so I can plan out the japan trip" or "Get back on the bike, it's a training day, no matter how depressed you feel. You don't want to suffer in Japan, right?". It feels a bit silly, writing that an international flight to another country would be my beacon to guide me out of a mental storm, that seems like an impossibly contrite and entitled thing. But I suppose everyone has something to latch onto and travelling somewhere to see a different world has been that thing I've dreamed of for a very long time. That's not to say that I feel cured of my problems, that biking has been a panacea, far from it. I had meltdowns, I flipped out, I had to walk back things I said. Relationships always fray when you're in tight quarters and not having fun and my mental state did not stay lucid at all points. Bryce had to deal with the fragments of me that rule when I'm sufficiently roughed up, the younger and less formed parts of me that rise to the surface with their own goals and motivations. A fractured mind is forever a mosaic, whether or not one wants to acknowledge the gaps between the personalities that emerge from the traumatic process. But what the trip provided (and truly what the point of three months abroad was) was a time to quietly listen and soothe the fractures, to hear the discordant patterns that emerge during times of stress and spend hours, hours and hours on the bike, slowly rehearsing what those fragments needed to hear. I have enough strength to get there. People will help us if we crash. Our bikes will make it if we're careful. We've done all the maintenance we can. I am capable, I am strong, I have compassion for my fear and face it willingly. On and on and on. A chorus of anxious, frittering patterns, all fighting to be heard and satisfied. All I had on the empty highways was time and no ability to distract myself except looking and yelling nonsense at Bryce from time to time. It took two months for my mind to quiet enough to finally get to the point that I had nothing left to analyze, nothing more to look at and figure out. All the odd shaped buildings, river embankments, mountains, whatever. Future plans, things I want in my life, things I don't want in my life, whatever. After that, when all the shuffled cards are finally in a deck, then I could play the quiet game of solitaire that is self directed mental therapy and make some progress. We'll see how much it amounts to, but my hope is that if I can maintain stability while sleeping in a tent and biking beyond my skill level for months on end, then when I have my bedroom back and can control my diet more effectively that I should find the bumps of life far less troublesome. Besides, I just biked across an entire country, what better proof to throw at my more negative fractions when I have the doubts as to the next harebrained scheme I come up with? After dusting ourselves off, we rode back to Wakkanai, the wind at our back and the last 30km fairly easy. We both felt a little less than lucid as we rolled into town, our muscles capable of more but our minds satisfied with the extension of our personal bests. I can remember a year ago when a third of this distance was a huge challenge to me, now to complete three times that and not feel totally destroyed was amazing. Bryce too, who previously had to rent a carbon fibre bike and ride a proscribed track to get near these distances, now easy exceeded it with room to spare. What an accomplishment of the body. Our final tally was nearly 4000km and 35000m of elevation, four times the height of Mount Everest. My projections on distance and elevation were totally wrong and I'm happy they were, these are much more impressive sounding numbers. We ate Nepalese food in a daze and hauled ourselves through a grocery store to get snacks and food for the train the next day. A big grin on both of our faces as we knew we didn't have to bike anymore, the quest completed. Good grief! What a lot of biking! We took our places on our hotel bed an snacked ourselves into oblivion, resolving to get up and pack before we got on the train. |
2024.05.31 23:55 VinesAtMidnight Ill Magic, Part 1 (The Descent, Day 2)
/uw A long one today. Special thanks to u/Lilith_Anorthosite who co-wrote this with me. Previous post here.
Vashric rips through the City of Dis like a jagged knife. Having been discovered by the horde of demons, stealth is no longer an option. Disintegration rays fly wildly through the air. War devils are broken down and blown apart. Walls and frames are atomized, several buildings collapse around them. He wants to fly out of the chaos but his telekinesis is still focused on stabilizing his body, a constant effort even now. He extends his wings to take off but the war devils dog him down. The fight devolves into a grapple as the horde piles onto Vashric, stabbing, slashing, tearing.
A violet light emanates from the pile, then a massive flash. The closest devils are vaporized immediately, the rest are blinded and stunned. With his psychomantic power severely hindered for the moment, Vashric resorts to hand-to-hand combat. Punches, kicks, claw slashes, tail whips, even in his weakened state Vashric is a force to be reckoned with. As strikes land, the fiends are reduced to bloody mists and fileted corpses.
Hundreds of the demons are felled before an opening presents itself. He throws his wings out, knocking multiple fiends away, and takes to the sky. The smoke-laden clouds of Dis parts ways before him as he reaches hypersonic speeds. The leftover war devils make chase, but quickly disappear behind the horizon, unable to keep up with Vashric’s sheer velocity. The eyes on his wings open again, scanning the ground below for any hell gates. He soars over the city, on and on. His frustration nearly rises to a boiling point, before he finally notices a gate on the outskirts, guarded by four large devils. He lands immediately, the force shakes the ground around him. He approaches the enforcers.
The largest, a massive, scarred pit fiend, calls to him, “Hark, grey devil, what business do you have-”
“I don’t have time for this, get out of my way.”
The pit fiend only smirks, “Your insubordination offends, whelp. Your skull will make a fine addition to my collection.”
The fiend motions to the other three demons, they draw their weapons and move in on Vashric. One to his left readies to bring down its cleaver but freezes, “I really don’t have time for this,” in a blur, Vashric had buried his hand in the demon’s chest, gripping around its spine, crushing it. He lets go and the demon slumps onto the dirt. The other two are dazed. “Kill him!” the pit fiend snarls at his soldiers. They regain some resolve and move in for the attack. The exchange is short lived, however. Vashric grasps the forearm of one demon, tearing it off, then thrusts their blade through the eye socket of the other. The first demon clinches its bloody stump before Vashric removes its head.
The pit fiend growls at him as he approaches, “Perhaps you’re a little more than just a whelp,” the massive hellspawn lunges at Vashric, letting loose with a flurry of practiced cuts. They miss, though, Vashric weaves through each attack. An opportunity presents itself, one punch shatters ribs, the other causes skull fractures. The fiend falls to the ground with a low thud. It tries to curse him, but can’t form words as it fades into unconsciousness. Without a word, Vashric steps through the hell gate.
He’s brought to the next layer through a tunnel of fire. He gets that same, fleeting sense of nostalgia. The portal opens up to a mountainside overlooking the outskirts of another city, this one gothic in appearance. Tortured souls adorn the buildings, their bodies melded into the stone, whispering pleads. From his position, Vashric can barely see a group of sinners and demons. He uses his ESP to get a closer look, and it reveals an enslaved workforce of the damned. They’re being whipped and abused by their infernal masters as they’re forced to pull around large stones. They haul the masonry to a large monument under construction. A statue to some sort of leonide figure it seems.
“So, this is Pri-”
He keels over, hugging his chest. The pressure returns, he can feel the changes again, somehow spurred on by his traveling to another circle of Hell. His rematerialization kicks into overdrive trying to fight back the demonic transformation. He falls to the ground, totally immobile. After a few moments of pure agony, he finds the strength to send out a telepathic signal, hoping Lilith is close enough to hear him, hoping this too isn’t jammed.
“Rghhh, gods d-damn, that’s going to h-hurt in the- RGGHH- in the morning. An assist would be really nice right about now.”
Meanwhile, Lilith is roaming the streets of Pride in search of her friend. Having arrived not long ago after receiving Vashric’s nebulous message. Midstep she’s struck by his psychic call and responds immediately after catching herself, “I got your message. I came as fast as I could, but, from what I saw on the news, I don't know if I can help. Where are you right now? The city is huge.”
Vashric is confused for a moment, “The news? RGGHH! O-Okay, n-not important. I could use some h-help getting this demon magic un-under control. H-Hang on,” Vashric expends just enough energy to send out a psychic ping to Lilith, “There, did-did you f-feel that? That’s me.”
A silver cloud appears in front of Vashric, it quickly dissipates to reveal Lilith still in her work attire, “I'm here! Vashric, what's happening?!”
Vashric is spasming on the ground, his body ripping itself apart and desperately trying to put itself back together. Muscles tearing out of skin, bones contorting into unnatural shapes, a horrible sight. His voice grates past his teeth, “The ch-changes are b-back. They won’t s-stop.”
“This isn't normal! This is too much demonic energy for most demons to handle. That includes me.”
“L-Lilith, ple-ease. Anything w-will help. I’ve had t-t-to shatter a-nd rebuild my skel-skeleton like three times n-now,” Vashric motions to the bones jutting out of his arm.
Lilith’s mind races with potential solutions. She flips through years of magical knowledge in her mind but almost every solution she can think of requires time. Time she doesn't have. Only one seems feasible at the moment.
“I'm going to get in trouble for this but it's the only thing I can think of. I’m going to use some of your energy for a summon spell.”
“T-Trouble? Summon who?- No, it d-doesn’t matter. I’ll take the blame, I-I don’t care. How f-f-fast can you s-summon them?”
“The summoning should be quick. The main issue is that what I'm doing is illegal and may cause some issues,” Lilith begins preparing the spell.
Vashric gets to his hands and knees with a growl of pain, small fissures form across his skin as magenta hellfire streams out from the wounds. He tries to stand, “I’m n-n-ot very m-mobile at the moment, sor-sorry, you’ll h-have to for-forgive me.”
Lilith scans the area for a moment. She sees nothing, but decides to set a silence spell around the two, just in case. “I can't have others hear this chant.” She then starts to speak in Infernal tongue. As she does, the energy streams from Vashric into a singular spot. A deep red rift forms in the air. A clawed hand grips the edge, enlarging the tear. The massive and broad figure of a warrior demoness walks out.
Vashric growls in pain as the magenta flames burn ever brighter. His skin chars as he does his best to hold back further demonic transformation. Totally unconcerned with the she-devil exiting the portal.
The demoness speaks, her voice not of brimstone and fire but of care and worry, “Lilith why are you trying to summon me? You know you can just call me?
Fully stepping out of the rift Asmodian General, Liliana Obsidiantail finally gets a proper look at the mutating grey devil, “Lilith, what's going on?”
Lilith addresses her mother in a panic,“I'm sorry mama, but it’s my friend, Vashric. The one that absorbed all of that demonic energy. He’s changing again! It was manageable the first few times but something is different now!”
Vashric struggles to address Lilith’s mother, “H-H-ello, I’m Vash-ric. F-Friends call me Vash. It’s n-nice to finally m-meet you.” Vashric waves with a flame wreathed hand, “I c-c-could use some help.”
Liliana’s voice becomes rougher once talking to him, “We can leave introductions for later.”
She turns to the rift she came through and with a wave of her hand the destination changes to a military base. Her voice becomes a deep demonic growl as she yells orders. Lesser demons run about grabbing brimstone pylons from what look like weapons. The demons swiftly and efficiently set the equipment up.
“This should contain the excess energy. This isn't going to be pretty, though.”
Vashric lets out an otherworldly snarl as his jaws and teeth begin to extend past his lips, splitting the skin of his mouth, “Do it!”
“Lilith, make sure none of this magic is discharged into the surrounding area. The equipment isn’t made for this. If the energy doesn’t flow directly from him to the pylons something could explode. Either the pylons or your friend.” Her mother's command shocks Lilith out of her nervous panic as she prepares herself.
Liliana then turns to Vashric with a sharpened spike connected to the pylons by metal chains and stabs it into his chest. He barely winces at the stabbing, initially, but forms a low, rumbling grow as the siphoning begins.
The energy emanating from Vashric is continually guided into the pylons but it starts to affect everyone in the area. Lilith attempts to form a barrier to seal in the surge, increasing the intensity for everyone inside. Shadowy tendrils rise up from the ground, writhing and pulsing. The pylons begin to glow with the same searing magenta. If all present weren’t fiends, they would surely burn alive inside the barrier. Faint, infernal whispers become audible.
The lesser demons that set up the pylons grip their heads as they topple over. Lilith’s eyes go wide as she recognizes the voices from her dreams. Her mother's eyes become fiercer as she forces the spike deeper into Vashric’s chest. He howls as his eyes become pits of fire, the burning continues but the bodily changes seem to slow. The whispers rise in volume, now. They assault Lilith and Liliana. Only they can hear its message, “The black waters rise. Rejoice in His work.”
Liliana yells to Lilith, “Who or what did you get involved with? What in the Nine Hells is speaking to us?”
“Liliana, soldier of Hell. His kingdom is imminent. Join Him in the black waters, where the blood collects. Rejoice in His work.”
Her response is quick,“I’m loyal to Asmodeus and to my family. Burn your heinous tongue in the eternal fires.”
Their minds are filled with insidious laughter, “The black waters rise. Rejoice in His work,” With that, the voice fades away. Vashric comes back to consciousness, spasming slightly. The pylons are burning like suns, but his transformation seems to stabilize for now.
Lilith releases the barrier, exhausted. Liliana pulls the spike out of Vashric and drops it to the ground. She grabs him by the collar and her voice becomes like brimstone, “You have some explaining to do.”
Vashric turns his head, taking a moment to spit a black, tar-like substance onto the ground. It writhes like the shadows from earlier. His voice is raspy and haggard, “I appreciate your assistance, truly, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.” This was a half-truth, Vashric had a good idea as to what she meant.
“Now, could you put me down? I’ll repay you when I can, but I have to continue my journey.”
“You’re not going anywhere that isn't a holding cell.”
“...I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m sorry, I know this probably isn’t how you wanted to spend your day. Why don’t we talk things out before someone does something they regret,” Vashric gestures to Lilith, “We shouldn’t fight in front of your daughter, my friend.”
Lilith speaks up, “Mama, could you put him down?”
Liliana’s voice softens a bit, “Lilith, your ‘friend’ has caused major destruction in Dis. Multiple laws have already been broken. I'm not even supposed to be in this circle. So, no, I'm not going to put him down.”
She yells at the demons under her command to get up and take the pylons back to base as she chains Vashric.
He struggles against her hold, “Hey! Excuse me, I’m going to meet Astaroth, grand duke of the 9th. I’m sure he’ll clear everything up when I get there,” Vashric grips Liliana’s arm, then speaks to her, both verbally and telepathically, “Now. Put. Me. Down. Please.”
His telepathy collides with Liliana’s warded mind, “We’ll send a message to the grand duke when we get to your cell. If what you say is true, you should have no worries waiting for his response.”
Vashric glares at her, but doesn’t want to make a scene in front of Lilith, and doesn’t have enough strength to fight back anyway, “Fine. I’m not going to move rings yet, though. Not until I have time to meditate and replenish some of my psychomancy. Every time I’ve traveled between layers so far, this has only gotten worse.”
“I wasn't planning to. Now, where is the enforcement in this city?”
Liliana looks to the horizon and eventually sees the group of sinners in the distance, still lugging around large stones, headed by their demonic overseers. She spreads her massive wings and turns to her daughter, “Lilith, hold on.” She scoops her up and flies towards the demons, Vashric dangling in her other hand.
Liliana flies low enough to speak to the overseers, hovering just above them, she calls out, “I am Liliana, Guardian of Debauchery. I need to know where the nearest prison is.”
One of the demons motions for the sinners to halt and looks to Liliana, “What’cha be doing in Pride? We’re a long ways away from your circle.”
“Doing the job of whoever’s guarding this entrance.”
The demon gives her a defiant look, but doesn’t argue, too busy with its tasks. It points towards a large black spire in the center of the city. “Most prisoners are taken to the citadel, Sabnock will want a word, but he ain’t here at the moment. The lieutenant can see you for now.”
“Thank you,” Liliana turns and starts to fly in the spire's direction, Lilith and Vashric in tow.
Vashric chimes in, “This is really quite unnecessary, I can fly myself,” But Liliana ignores him. He turns to Lilith and speaks telepathically, “Lilith, I was expecting your mother to be a lot kinder, like you…”
Lilith, in a slightly quivering voice, “Well, if this introduction had been over some tea she’d likely be much nicer. She’s supposed to be on the job right now.” As the mental conversation continues, Lilith’s appearance starts to change.
“Why didn’t you say anything? I could have conjured tea-” Vashric stops, “Were your antlers always that long?”
“My antlers shouldn't be your concern at the moment! What happened back there? This wasn't like your other transformations.”
“It’s been getting worse the deeper into Hell I’ve traveled. I don’t know why. What’s more, the-” He pauses, contemplating how much he should divulge, “I never told you, but there have been…whispers, voices. This isn’t the first I’ve dealt with them, but they’ve been getting worse ever since I turned. Don’t worry about me, though, I’ll be fine. It’ll take more than hell magic to put me down.”
“Whispers? We heard whispers when we were siphoning your magic. They spoke exactly like a figure in the dream I had last night.”
“You’re serious? They talked to you? They talked to you in a dream? What did they say? Lilith, I need you to tell me exactly what they said.”
“They just said a lot about a ‘Herald’ and ‘black waters rising.’ That ‘He’ will make things start anew. Also, they repeated ‘rejoice in His work’ a lot.”
“They mentioned black waters?... Shit. Lilith, you need to leave, you can’t be around me. If it’s spreading, you won’t be safe near me.”
“Is this a disease? What is going on? This is clearly a threat and I can’t just turn my back. I won't let more people I care about get hurt because I'm too weak to help.”
“This isn’t a discussion, Lilith, this isn’t a suggestion. I’m telling you, when we get to this spire and your mother so graciously locks me up, you leave and go back to the Prime. I’ll meet Atsaroth as soon as I can and get this sorted out.”
“Ok, fine, but can you at least tell me what’s happening? I prefer to be informed of danger.”
“Lilith I-” he takes a moment to compose himself, “I’m not sure. It’s something I’ve been dealing with for a long time. Well before all this devil transformation nonsense. Just let me handle it.”
“You were literally tearing apart from the inside! Vashric, what would have happened if you hadn't called me?”
“I would’ve figured out something else…”
The trio breaks through a thick layer of smog, the Citadel of Pride reveals itself. A massive spire, made of dread iron and twisted souls, overlooks the ring. A beacon of hellfire lights the top, everburning, its flames shriek with the voices of the damned. The tower is surrounded by a fort, walled off from the city. Soldiers and guards can be seen beyond the bulwarks, some training, some prodding sinners and prisoners along. Liliana lands just outside the main gate. A large, imposing devil stands before them.
“You there, what is your business?”
“I am Lilliana Asmodi Obsidiantail, Asmodean General and Guardian of Debauchery. I come with a prisoner and I need to meet with the lieutenant.”
The demon eyes her, “Highly irregular. You’re not supposed to be in Pride, general. I’ll call the lieutenant, he’ll surely want to speak. So will Lord Sabnock when he returns.” It activates a sigil on the wall behind it, sending a message inside.
“I didn’t expect to be here, but it appears that someone has been failing to do their job.”
The fiend snorts, “We do not fail, blame the other rings for dumping their trash in our layer. And I suggest you hold your tongue. This isn’t your territory, and we don’t take kindly to such accusations. Especially not Lord Sabnock. Now, the lieutenant will meet you inside, mind your damn manners.” The demon gestures towards the guard house at the top of the wall, the gate creaks open. It then motions for the group to head inside, scowling at them all the while.
Liliana resists the urge to reduce the demon to a stain and drags Vashric in as Lilith follows behind her, “I now remember why I don't visit Pride.”
Lilith attempts to soothe her, “Mama, you're about to be in a meeting. The calmer you are, the faster you can get back to Debauchery and, in turn, the faster you can see Mother again.”
“Yes, I’d like to see her soon. This day has been… less-than-joyous,” she seems to grip Vashric a bit harder.
Vashric scoffs at Liliana, “Don’t be upset with me, I’ve been pretty cordial considering the circumstances.”
Their bickering is cut short, however. A portly Amnizu robed in fine clothes approaches the trio. Its rich adornments stand in stark contrast to its grotesque figure. It addresses Liliana alone, paying no mind to Vashric or Lilith, “General Obsidiantail, what a pleasure to meet you, I’m Lieutenant Tg’grax. I understand you have a prisoner you wish to deposit in our fine citadel?”
“Yes.” Liliana holds Vashric out, “This was just outside the city. The smell of blood lingers on it. I believe it’s the fugitive that tore through Dis.”
“I won’t ask what you were doing on our layer, I’m sure you had your reasons… Hmm, a grey skinned devil. Yes, perhaps this is the one that cut swathes through Dispater’s realm, Lord Sabnock will want to see for himself. Very well,” Tg’grax motions to Vashric and a pit fiend tears him out of Liliana’s hold. “This one will be kept in a holding cell, as for the two of you, you’ll have to wait until Lord Sabnock arrives.”
Liltih sighs, “At least I’m already off work.”
Liliana's face turns sour, “Well, I'm not. Asmodeus isn't going to be happy that I'm gone from my post for so long.”
Vashric is hauled off to a warded cell, “What a fine fucking predicament you’ve gotten yourself into this time, Vashric... Oh well, not much I can do until I recharge,” he thinks to himself, before assuming a meditative stance. He begins to gather psychic energy from his surroundings, unbeknownst to the guards, “And now we wait.”
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Vashric rips through the City of Dis like a jagged knife. Having been discovered by the horde of demons, stealth is no longer an option. Disintegration rays fly wildly through the air. War devils are broken down and blown apart. Walls and frames are atomized, several buildings collapse around them. He wants to fly out of the chaos but his telekinesis is still focused on stabilizing his body, a constant effort even now. He extends his wings to take off but the war devils dog him down. The fight devolves into a grapple as the horde piles onto Vashric, stabbing, slashing, tearing.
A violet light emanates from the pile, then a massive flash. The closest devils are vaporized immediately, the rest are blinded and stunned. With his psychomantic power severely hindered for the moment, Vashric resorts to hand-to-hand combat. Punches, kicks, claw slashes, tail whips, even in his weakened state Vashric is a force to be reckoned with. As strikes land, the fiends are reduced to bloody mists and fileted corpses.
Hundreds of the demons are felled before an opening presents itself. He throws his wings out, knocking multiple fiends away, and takes to the sky. The smoke-laden clouds of Dis parts ways before him as he reaches hypersonic speeds. The leftover war devils make chase, but quickly disappear behind the horizon, unable to keep up with Vashric’s sheer velocity. The eyes on his wings open again, scanning the ground below for any hell gates. He soars over the city, on and on. His frustration nearly rises to a boiling point, before he finally notices a gate on the outskirts, guarded by four large devils. He lands immediately, the force shakes the ground around him. He approaches the enforcers.
The largest, a massive, scarred pit fiend, calls to him, “Hark, grey devil, what business do you have-”
“I don’t have time for this, get out of my way.”
The pit fiend only smirks, “Your insubordination offends, whelp. Your skull will make a fine addition to my collection.”
The fiend motions to the other three demons, they draw their weapons and move in on Vashric. One to his left readies to bring down its cleaver but freezes, “I really don’t have time for this,” in a blur, Vashric had buried his hand in the demon’s chest, gripping around its spine, crushing it. He lets go and the demon slumps onto the dirt. The other two are dazed. “Kill him!” the pit fiend snarls at his soldiers. They regain some resolve and move in for the attack. The exchange is short lived, however. Vashric grasps the forearm of one demon, tearing it off, then thrusts their blade through the eye socket of the other. The first demon clinches its bloody stump before Vashric removes its head.
The pit fiend growls at him as he approaches, “Perhaps you’re a little more than just a whelp,” the massive hellspawn lunges at Vashric, letting loose with a flurry of practiced cuts. They miss, though, Vashric weaves through each attack. An opportunity presents itself, one punch shatters ribs, the other causes skull fractures. The fiend falls to the ground with a low thud. It tries to curse him, but can’t form words as it fades into unconsciousness. Without a word, Vashric steps through the hell gate.
He’s brought to the next layer through a tunnel of fire. He gets that same, fleeting sense of nostalgia. The portal opens up to a mountainside overlooking the outskirts of another city, this one gothic in appearance. Tortured souls adorn the buildings, their bodies melded into the stone, whispering pleads. From his position, Vashric can barely see a group of sinners and demons. He uses his ESP to get a closer look, and it reveals an enslaved workforce of the damned. They’re being whipped and abused by their infernal masters as they’re forced to pull around large stones. They haul the masonry to a large monument under construction. A statue to some sort of leonide figure it seems.
“So, this is Pri-”
He keels over, hugging his chest. The pressure returns, he can feel the changes again, somehow spurred on by his traveling to another circle of Hell. His rematerialization kicks into overdrive trying to fight back the demonic transformation. He falls to the ground, totally immobile. After a few moments of pure agony, he finds the strength to send out a telepathic signal, hoping Lilith is close enough to hear him, hoping this too isn’t jammed.
“Rghhh, gods d-damn, that’s going to h-hurt in the- RGGHH- in the morning. An assist would be really nice right about now.”
Meanwhile, Lilith is roaming the streets of Pride in search of her friend. Having arrived not long ago after receiving Vashric’s nebulous message. Midstep she’s struck by his psychic call and responds immediately after catching herself, “I got your message. I came as fast as I could, but, from what I saw on the news, I don't know if I can help. Where are you right now? The city is huge.”
Vashric is confused for a moment, “The news? RGGHH! O-Okay, n-not important. I could use some h-help getting this demon magic un-under control. H-Hang on,” Vashric expends just enough energy to send out a psychic ping to Lilith, “There, did-did you f-feel that? That’s me.”
A silver cloud appears in front of Vashric, it quickly dissipates to reveal Lilith still in her work attire, “I'm here! Vashric, what's happening?!”
Vashric is spasming on the ground, his body ripping itself apart and desperately trying to put itself back together. Muscles tearing out of skin, bones contorting into unnatural shapes, a horrible sight. His voice grates past his teeth, “The ch-changes are b-back. They won’t s-stop.”
“This isn't normal! This is too much demonic energy for most demons to handle. That includes me.”
“L-Lilith, ple-ease. Anything w-will help. I’ve had t-t-to shatter a-nd rebuild my skel-skeleton like three times n-now,” Vashric motions to the bones jutting out of his arm.
Lilith’s mind races with potential solutions. She flips through years of magical knowledge in her mind but almost every solution she can think of requires time. Time she doesn't have. Only one seems feasible at the moment.
“I'm going to get in trouble for this but it's the only thing I can think of. I’m going to use some of your energy for a summon spell.”
“T-Trouble? Summon who?- No, it d-doesn’t matter. I’ll take the blame, I-I don’t care. How f-f-fast can you s-summon them?”
“The summoning should be quick. The main issue is that what I'm doing is illegal and may cause some issues,” Lilith begins preparing the spell.
Vashric gets to his hands and knees with a growl of pain, small fissures form across his skin as magenta hellfire streams out from the wounds. He tries to stand, “I’m n-n-ot very m-mobile at the moment, sor-sorry, you’ll h-have to for-forgive me.”
Lilith scans the area for a moment. She sees nothing, but decides to set a silence spell around the two, just in case. “I can't have others hear this chant.” She then starts to speak in Infernal tongue. As she does, the energy streams from Vashric into a singular spot. A deep red rift forms in the air. A clawed hand grips the edge, enlarging the tear. The massive and broad figure of a warrior demoness walks out.
Vashric growls in pain as the magenta flames burn ever brighter. His skin chars as he does his best to hold back further demonic transformation. Totally unconcerned with the she-devil exiting the portal.
The demoness speaks, her voice not of brimstone and fire but of care and worry, “Lilith why are you trying to summon me? You know you can just call me?
Fully stepping out of the rift Asmodian General, Liliana Obsidiantail finally gets a proper look at the mutating grey devil, “Lilith, what's going on?”
Lilith addresses her mother in a panic,“I'm sorry mama, but it’s my friend, Vashric. The one that absorbed all of that demonic energy. He’s changing again! It was manageable the first few times but something is different now!”
Vashric struggles to address Lilith’s mother, “H-H-ello, I’m Vash-ric. F-Friends call me Vash. It’s n-nice to finally m-meet you.” Vashric waves with a flame wreathed hand, “I c-c-could use some help.”
Liliana’s voice becomes rougher once talking to him, “We can leave introductions for later.”
She turns to the rift she came through and with a wave of her hand the destination changes to a military base. Her voice becomes a deep demonic growl as she yells orders. Lesser demons run about grabbing brimstone pylons from what look like weapons. The demons swiftly and efficiently set the equipment up.
“This should contain the excess energy. This isn't going to be pretty, though.”
Vashric lets out an otherworldly snarl as his jaws and teeth begin to extend past his lips, splitting the skin of his mouth, “Do it!”
“Lilith, make sure none of this magic is discharged into the surrounding area. The equipment isn’t made for this. If the energy doesn’t flow directly from him to the pylons something could explode. Either the pylons or your friend.” Her mother's command shocks Lilith out of her nervous panic as she prepares herself.
Liliana then turns to Vashric with a sharpened spike connected to the pylons by metal chains and stabs it into his chest. He barely winces at the stabbing, initially, but forms a low, rumbling grow as the siphoning begins.
The energy emanating from Vashric is continually guided into the pylons but it starts to affect everyone in the area. Lilith attempts to form a barrier to seal in the surge, increasing the intensity for everyone inside. Shadowy tendrils rise up from the ground, writhing and pulsing. The pylons begin to glow with the same searing magenta. If all present weren’t fiends, they would surely burn alive inside the barrier. Faint, infernal whispers become audible.
The lesser demons that set up the pylons grip their heads as they topple over. Lilith’s eyes go wide as she recognizes the voices from her dreams. Her mother's eyes become fiercer as she forces the spike deeper into Vashric’s chest. He howls as his eyes become pits of fire, the burning continues but the bodily changes seem to slow. The whispers rise in volume, now. They assault Lilith and Liliana. Only they can hear its message, “The black waters rise. Rejoice in His work.”
Liliana yells to Lilith, “Who or what did you get involved with? What in the Nine Hells is speaking to us?”
“Liliana, soldier of Hell. His kingdom is imminent. Join Him in the black waters, where the blood collects. Rejoice in His work.”
Her response is quick,“I’m loyal to Asmodeus and to my family. Burn your heinous tongue in the eternal fires.”
Their minds are filled with insidious laughter, “The black waters rise. Rejoice in His work,” With that, the voice fades away. Vashric comes back to consciousness, spasming slightly. The pylons are burning like suns, but his transformation seems to stabilize for now.
Lilith releases the barrier, exhausted. Liliana pulls the spike out of Vashric and drops it to the ground. She grabs him by the collar and her voice becomes like brimstone, “You have some explaining to do.”
Vashric turns his head, taking a moment to spit a black, tar-like substance onto the ground. It writhes like the shadows from earlier. His voice is raspy and haggard, “I appreciate your assistance, truly, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.” This was a half-truth, Vashric had a good idea as to what she meant.
“Now, could you put me down? I’ll repay you when I can, but I have to continue my journey.”
“You’re not going anywhere that isn't a holding cell.”
“...I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m sorry, I know this probably isn’t how you wanted to spend your day. Why don’t we talk things out before someone does something they regret,” Vashric gestures to Lilith, “We shouldn’t fight in front of your daughter, my friend.”
Lilith speaks up, “Mama, could you put him down?”
Liliana’s voice softens a bit, “Lilith, your ‘friend’ has caused major destruction in Dis. Multiple laws have already been broken. I'm not even supposed to be in this circle. So, no, I'm not going to put him down.”
She yells at the demons under her command to get up and take the pylons back to base as she chains Vashric.
He struggles against her hold, “Hey! Excuse me, I’m going to meet Astaroth, grand duke of the 9th. I’m sure he’ll clear everything up when I get there,” Vashric grips Liliana’s arm, then speaks to her, both verbally and telepathically, “Now. Put. Me. Down. Please.”
His telepathy collides with Liliana’s warded mind, “We’ll send a message to the grand duke when we get to your cell. If what you say is true, you should have no worries waiting for his response.”
Vashric glares at her, but doesn’t want to make a scene in front of Lilith, and doesn’t have enough strength to fight back anyway, “Fine. I’m not going to move rings yet, though. Not until I have time to meditate and replenish some of my psychomancy. Every time I’ve traveled between layers so far, this has only gotten worse.”
“I wasn't planning to. Now, where is the enforcement in this city?”
Liliana looks to the horizon and eventually sees the group of sinners in the distance, still lugging around large stones, headed by their demonic overseers. She spreads her massive wings and turns to her daughter, “Lilith, hold on.” She scoops her up and flies towards the demons, Vashric dangling in her other hand.
Liliana flies low enough to speak to the overseers, hovering just above them, she calls out, “I am Liliana, Guardian of Debauchery. I need to know where the nearest prison is.”
One of the demons motions for the sinners to halt and looks to Liliana, “What’cha be doing in Pride? We’re a long ways away from your circle.”
“Doing the job of whoever’s guarding this entrance.”
The demon gives her a defiant look, but doesn’t argue, too busy with its tasks. It points towards a large black spire in the center of the city. “Most prisoners are taken to the citadel, Sabnock will want a word, but he ain’t here at the moment. The lieutenant can see you for now.”
“Thank you,” Liliana turns and starts to fly in the spire's direction, Lilith and Vashric in tow.
Vashric chimes in, “This is really quite unnecessary, I can fly myself,” But Liliana ignores him. He turns to Lilith and speaks telepathically, “Lilith, I was expecting your mother to be a lot kinder, like you…”
Lilith, in a slightly quivering voice, “Well, if this introduction had been over some tea she’d likely be much nicer. She’s supposed to be on the job right now.” As the mental conversation continues, Lilith’s appearance starts to change.
“Why didn’t you say anything? I could have conjured tea-” Vashric stops, “Were your antlers always that long?”
“My antlers shouldn't be your concern at the moment! What happened back there? This wasn't like your other transformations.”
“It’s been getting worse the deeper into Hell I’ve traveled. I don’t know why. What’s more, the-” He pauses, contemplating how much he should divulge, “I never told you, but there have been…whispers, voices. This isn’t the first I’ve dealt with them, but they’ve been getting worse ever since I turned. Don’t worry about me, though, I’ll be fine. It’ll take more than hell magic to put me down.”
“Whispers? We heard whispers when we were siphoning your magic. They spoke exactly like a figure in the dream I had last night.”
“You’re serious? They talked to you? They talked to you in a dream? What did they say? Lilith, I need you to tell me exactly what they said.”
“They just said a lot about a ‘Herald’ and ‘black waters rising.’ That ‘He’ will make things start anew. Also, they repeated ‘rejoice in His work’ a lot.”
“They mentioned black waters?... Shit. Lilith, you need to leave, you can’t be around me. If it’s spreading, you won’t be safe near me.”
“Is this a disease? What is going on? This is clearly a threat and I can’t just turn my back. I won't let more people I care about get hurt because I'm too weak to help.”
“This isn’t a discussion, Lilith, this isn’t a suggestion. I’m telling you, when we get to this spire and your mother so graciously locks me up, you leave and go back to the Prime. I’ll meet Atsaroth as soon as I can and get this sorted out.”
“Ok, fine, but can you at least tell me what’s happening? I prefer to be informed of danger.”
“Lilith I-” he takes a moment to compose himself, “I’m not sure. It’s something I’ve been dealing with for a long time. Well before all this devil transformation nonsense. Just let me handle it.”
“You were literally tearing apart from the inside! Vashric, what would have happened if you hadn't called me?”
“I would’ve figured out something else…”
The trio breaks through a thick layer of smog, the Citadel of Pride reveals itself. A massive spire, made of dread iron and twisted souls, overlooks the ring. A beacon of hellfire lights the top, everburning, its flames shriek with the voices of the damned. The tower is surrounded by a fort, walled off from the city. Soldiers and guards can be seen beyond the bulwarks, some training, some prodding sinners and prisoners along. Liliana lands just outside the main gate. A large, imposing devil stands before them.
“You there, what is your business?”
“I am Lilliana Asmodi Obsidiantail, Asmodean General and Guardian of Debauchery. I come with a prisoner and I need to meet with the lieutenant.”
The demon eyes her, “Highly irregular. You’re not supposed to be in Pride, general. I’ll call the lieutenant, he’ll surely want to speak. So will Lord Sabnock when he returns.” It activates a sigil on the wall behind it, sending a message inside.
“I didn’t expect to be here, but it appears that someone has been failing to do their job.”
The fiend snorts, “We do not fail, blame the other rings for dumping their trash in our layer. And I suggest you hold your tongue. This isn’t your territory, and we don’t take kindly to such accusations. Especially not Lord Sabnock. Now, the lieutenant will meet you inside, mind your damn manners.” The demon gestures towards the guard house at the top of the wall, the gate creaks open. It then motions for the group to head inside, scowling at them all the while.
Liliana resists the urge to reduce the demon to a stain and drags Vashric in as Lilith follows behind her, “I now remember why I don't visit Pride.”
Lilith attempts to soothe her, “Mama, you're about to be in a meeting. The calmer you are, the faster you can get back to Debauchery and, in turn, the faster you can see Mother again.”
“Yes, I’d like to see her soon. This day has been… less-than-joyous,” she seems to grip Vashric a bit harder.
Vashric scoffs at Liliana, “Don’t be upset with me, I’ve been pretty cordial considering the circumstances.”
Their bickering is cut short, however. A portly Amnizu robed in fine clothes approaches the trio. Its rich adornments stand in stark contrast to its grotesque figure. It addresses Liliana alone, paying no mind to Vashric or Lilith, “General Obsidiantail, what a pleasure to meet you, I’m Lieutenant Tg’grax. I understand you have a prisoner you wish to deposit in our fine citadel?”
“Yes.” Liliana holds Vashric out, “This was just outside the city. The smell of blood lingers on it. I believe it’s the fugitive that tore through Dis.”
“I won’t ask what you were doing on our layer, I’m sure you had your reasons… Hmm, a grey skinned devil. Yes, perhaps this is the one that cut swathes through Dispater’s realm, Lord Sabnock will want to see for himself. Very well,” Tg’grax motions to Vashric and a pit fiend tears him out of Liliana’s hold. “This one will be kept in a holding cell, as for the two of you, you’ll have to wait until Lord Sabnock arrives.”
Liltih sighs, “At least I’m already off work.”
Liliana's face turns sour, “Well, I'm not. Asmodeus isn't going to be happy that I'm gone from my post for so long.”
Vashric is hauled off to a warded cell, “What a fine fucking predicament you’ve gotten yourself into this time, Vashric... Oh well, not much I can do until I recharge,” he thinks to himself, before assuming a meditative stance. He begins to gather psychic energy from his surroundings, unbeknownst to the guards, “And now we wait.”
2024.05.31 18:04 RiptidePB HELP!
 | Anyone know how to round the edges all the way around to his irregular shape? I’m trying to make this object rounded but can’t figure it out. submitted by RiptidePB to Fusion360 [link] [comments] |
2024.05.31 17:14 dudical_dude Has Miles ever gone off on Manchester City?
I don't listen too often these days but I was curious if Miles ever dug into the issues surrounding the investigations of Manchester City's 115 charges regarding financial irregularity. Figured he might considering his love of Arsenal and how they lost out on the Premier League title to them.
submitted by dudical_dude to thedailyzeitgeist [link] [comments]
2024.05.31 15:31 Terrible_Ad3822 Pacer or other app lock screen notificationa missing
After HyperOs update it looks like the pacer - step app is not getting notifications or I can't figure it out, it used to be on the lock screen (all day). The other apps are showing up, but also irregularly. Although the WiFi is always on,etc. Which settings did I miss?! Or how to optimise the lock screen notifications? It's there also a setting for notifications to disappear faster , when using phone? Sometimes a notification is stuck in front of the keyboard for a short while, it's quiet annoying...
submitted by Terrible_Ad3822 to HyperOS [link] [comments]
2024.05.31 07:48 MandolinRose My depo journey update!!
Whoohoo!!! I’m so excited and I wanted to share in case someone else needed something to give them some hope! I took two shots of Depo, my first shot was in July 2022 second shot was October 2022 and then I got off of it because I absolutely HATED what it was doing to me and my body. I could write an entire book on what this shot did to my body and my mind but I’ll spare the details because I’m sure most of you have had a similar experience. Regardless, ever since my last shot in October I’ve been struggling with infertility and extremely low libido and ridiculously irregular menstrual cycles. Wellllllll onto my update; I am so so happy to say that FINALLY, almost two years later, I have gotten my very first regular menstrual cycle. Period, ovulation and period again, all within about 30 days. My period tracker app has had such a hard time trying to figure out my cycle and it’s finally getting back to normal! Yea, I got my period before I was expecting, because my body is finally regulating itself, and that sucks cuz it’s still a period. But it’s regular!! I know this seems really small and silly but I really am just so happy about it because now maybe Flo can track my cycle more accurately and I can finally try to get pregnant again without just getting my heart broken time and time again knowing I’m gonna get a negative test but still feeling like I need to take one. I just feel like I took the biggest deep breath of my life. A normal period sounds like the silliest thing, I know. But man, it feels great after 2 years. Anyways, I just really wanted to share this with everybody in case someone else is going through my situation and needed some hope that it will get better! If you are feeling down about lasting symptoms of your Depo shot, I love you. It gets better, I promise. I know it’s hard going through this, especially if you’re like me and you didn’t do any research before you got the shot. It’s not easy to feel the way I know I felt these past two years, but just know you’re not alone🫶🏻
submitted by MandolinRose to depoprovera [link] [comments]
2024.05.31 07:44 Independent_Back743 What could this be? (F)
I had sex with a guy about 10 days ago. The second night we had sex I started bleeding immediately after. I had accidentally missed my birth control the night before (the pill.) about 3 days later I started having yeast infection symptoms. Yesterday I took Diflucan but I’m not feeling any relief. I did remember last week about Thursday-Monday I was having stomach issues and feeling very nauseous. I don’t know if that ties into it or not. But basically could this be a STD? Symptoms are redness and itching a little burning too. I am going to see if the meds have helped by the morning but if not I’m assuming it’s a STD. I used to be very prone to yeast infections and when I got them noticed vaginal swelling. This time I haven’t noticed too much swelling. I’m really nervous because I’ve never had an STD, just got tested last month actually. I honestly really like this guy but am starting to question if he slept with someone right before me and passed something on. Even if he didn’t know he had anything I am going to be really disappointed. I wanted to text him tonight and ask him to be honest about the last time he slept with someone but I figure I need to be tested before assuming in case I’m negative and it ruins a potential relationships. What does this sound like?
Edit: Forgot to mention that I have been bleeding for 10 days. (Right after we had sex.) This is very irregular for me. Maybe it’s because I missed my pill and I haven’t had a period in 4 months but it just seems weird.
Lastly, I am very good at keeping up with my feminine hygiene. So being prone to yeast infections was either soaps I was using or after sex throwing off my PH.
submitted by Independent_Back743 to STD [link] [comments]
Edit: Forgot to mention that I have been bleeding for 10 days. (Right after we had sex.) This is very irregular for me. Maybe it’s because I missed my pill and I haven’t had a period in 4 months but it just seems weird.
Lastly, I am very good at keeping up with my feminine hygiene. So being prone to yeast infections was either soaps I was using or after sex throwing off my PH.
2024.05.31 06:42 snixxsnickers weird period/nuvaring pls help
just to note i’m 16 years old and i got my period at 12. i started on the ring almost 9 weeks ago because i had severe pms symptoms and pmdd. my gyno told me that the ring would completely stop my period if i switched it out every three weeks and kept it in constantly which worked for the first 2 rings. i got my period almost 3 weeks ago after i put in my 3rd ring. my pms and pmdd still happened but instead of before my period it has been on and off during it. the bleeding has been really irregular and it doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. a few days ago i took it out because im at the beach and i couldn’t figure out how to wear a tampon with it, do you think that’s part of it? should i get an iud instead? is this normal? pls help my mom hates talking about this stuff
submitted by snixxsnickers to Periods [link] [comments]
2024.05.31 05:43 khaali_ I just got diagnosed with PCOS and hypothyroidism
I'm 25 year old female from India. I got diagnosed 2 days ago. Almost a year I have been feeling more tired and my periods were irregular than ever. And it took me alot of time to even figure out that I should be seeing a doc instead of listening to random advices from people. So here I am, and I'm currently 74 kg, I'm hoping to reach 65 kg with excersice and diet, along with the prescribed medication. All the best everyone
submitted by khaali_ to Hypothyroidism [link] [comments]
2024.05.31 00:17 daeris_cos Last week my dad told me that "if life really is that hopeless, why don't you just end it?" and I don't know where to go from here
I don't even know where to begin. This might be long and oddly specific. My parents have a tendency of sitting me down (in irregular intervals) to question my life choices, career choices, plans for the future, you name it. I call them interventions. They have done this for years. Six years ago, I thought we hit an all time low, when they literally told me I was just a quick fuck to my then-boyfriend. That wasn't the first intervention and it wasn't the last either. At this point I am 28, single and still living with my parents.
Usually when they ask me a random question about work, I am already on edge. Within 10 minutes of them starting the "conversation", I shut down and dissociate out of it. All I hear them say is critiques on how I choose to live my life, and how I will never be good enough if I am not following their preferred career paths. They never say that literally, so whenever I try to tell them how these "conversations" make me feel, they keep telling me they are acting out of love, because they only want what's best for me. They don't see me "grow", so they started using harsher words to get through to me. They don't seem to care it takes me a full week to repair the mental damage they're causing. Before the conversation/monologue ends, I will feel like a worthless piece of shit that is incapable of anything. I am not worth anything. I don't deserve a loving partner. I don't see myself working jobs with responsibilities. I could go on...
Now, I can understand their concerns, if I did not finish my degree, did not have a job, sat at home all day on welfare without any drive to apply to jobs, was severely addicted to any type of drugs, etc. I am actually already working a parttime job, I am self-employed, and I am probably starting a second parttime job next month. The "problem" is that none of my jobs have a fixed income or are permanent contracts, and with the housing market being the way it is, I cannot afford to move out and I have zero chance of social housing, despite being on the waiting list for the past 10 years. On top of that, none of my jobs are compatible with the degree I got at university.
Cue to last week, when my parents again brought it up. Triggered by me declining to apply to a 32h office job in a field I have no experience nor interest in. In the span of two hours it became "clear" that I am incapable of running my own household/working six days a week in my preferred profession/affording my own place. They kept pressuring me to eventually admit I don't have a vision for my future. I don't have any ambition. I just want to spend my time doing what I like. Life is too short to waste it away on stupid jobs that make you feel like crap, only to pay the bills (although I was too numb to tell them that). That's when my dad cut in with the line that shattered my heart. Why don't I just end it? I have to admit, my mom blew up at my dad for saying that... but only briefly. Dad wouldn't let me leave the conversation physically, so I sat back down, eventually cried, made a cynical remark, cried more, felt like shit. Dad also does not accept my brain works differently than his, because I hear critiques when they share their concerns. According to him there is no need for conversation then.
Mom made me promise by the end of the month (which is tomorrow) I needed to have a plan in place on how I am approaching my future. We're talking about housing, affording it/getting it, jobs, contracts, fields of interest, intelligence levels of the jobs. They also made me promise I need to involve them more in my thought processes towards becoming an independent adult (what am I, 5 years old?) It has been a week and a day, so I have slowly regained some well-needed mental stability, while also working nearly every day. I have been feeling empty. I have not been making plans for my future.
I have barely spoken to my parents over the last week. After a few days, mom sensed something was off and kept pushing me to tell her what was wrong. I had to tell her repeatedly, in increasing volume, that I didn't want to talk to her. Her reasoning? I needed to tell her, because the day after she would be driving long distances and because of her worries she wouldn't be able to pay attention to the road. She wouldn't let herself be "sent away" by me. 30 minutes later, dad also said he would always be there if I wanted to talk. When I told him I didn't want to talk to him either, he immediately huffed I didn't trust him and that I would go on to solve all my problems alone, as I always do. Neither parent has apologized to me yet.
So this was a whole bunch of unnecessarily long context to ask for advice. Tomorrow marks the end of the month, so I need to have a complete plan laid out as to how I will achieve moving out and gaining financial stability as well as becoming an independent adult. I really just need them to lay off and stop fucking suffocating me, but they are too dense to accept that. How do I approach this? I have less than 24 hours to figure this out and it terrifies me.
submitted by daeris_cos to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
Usually when they ask me a random question about work, I am already on edge. Within 10 minutes of them starting the "conversation", I shut down and dissociate out of it. All I hear them say is critiques on how I choose to live my life, and how I will never be good enough if I am not following their preferred career paths. They never say that literally, so whenever I try to tell them how these "conversations" make me feel, they keep telling me they are acting out of love, because they only want what's best for me. They don't see me "grow", so they started using harsher words to get through to me. They don't seem to care it takes me a full week to repair the mental damage they're causing. Before the conversation/monologue ends, I will feel like a worthless piece of shit that is incapable of anything. I am not worth anything. I don't deserve a loving partner. I don't see myself working jobs with responsibilities. I could go on...
Now, I can understand their concerns, if I did not finish my degree, did not have a job, sat at home all day on welfare without any drive to apply to jobs, was severely addicted to any type of drugs, etc. I am actually already working a parttime job, I am self-employed, and I am probably starting a second parttime job next month. The "problem" is that none of my jobs have a fixed income or are permanent contracts, and with the housing market being the way it is, I cannot afford to move out and I have zero chance of social housing, despite being on the waiting list for the past 10 years. On top of that, none of my jobs are compatible with the degree I got at university.
Cue to last week, when my parents again brought it up. Triggered by me declining to apply to a 32h office job in a field I have no experience nor interest in. In the span of two hours it became "clear" that I am incapable of running my own household/working six days a week in my preferred profession/affording my own place. They kept pressuring me to eventually admit I don't have a vision for my future. I don't have any ambition. I just want to spend my time doing what I like. Life is too short to waste it away on stupid jobs that make you feel like crap, only to pay the bills (although I was too numb to tell them that). That's when my dad cut in with the line that shattered my heart. Why don't I just end it? I have to admit, my mom blew up at my dad for saying that... but only briefly. Dad wouldn't let me leave the conversation physically, so I sat back down, eventually cried, made a cynical remark, cried more, felt like shit. Dad also does not accept my brain works differently than his, because I hear critiques when they share their concerns. According to him there is no need for conversation then.
Mom made me promise by the end of the month (which is tomorrow) I needed to have a plan in place on how I am approaching my future. We're talking about housing, affording it/getting it, jobs, contracts, fields of interest, intelligence levels of the jobs. They also made me promise I need to involve them more in my thought processes towards becoming an independent adult (what am I, 5 years old?) It has been a week and a day, so I have slowly regained some well-needed mental stability, while also working nearly every day. I have been feeling empty. I have not been making plans for my future.
I have barely spoken to my parents over the last week. After a few days, mom sensed something was off and kept pushing me to tell her what was wrong. I had to tell her repeatedly, in increasing volume, that I didn't want to talk to her. Her reasoning? I needed to tell her, because the day after she would be driving long distances and because of her worries she wouldn't be able to pay attention to the road. She wouldn't let herself be "sent away" by me. 30 minutes later, dad also said he would always be there if I wanted to talk. When I told him I didn't want to talk to him either, he immediately huffed I didn't trust him and that I would go on to solve all my problems alone, as I always do. Neither parent has apologized to me yet.
So this was a whole bunch of unnecessarily long context to ask for advice. Tomorrow marks the end of the month, so I need to have a complete plan laid out as to how I will achieve moving out and gaining financial stability as well as becoming an independent adult. I really just need them to lay off and stop fucking suffocating me, but they are too dense to accept that. How do I approach this? I have less than 24 hours to figure this out and it terrifies me.
2024.05.30 23:12 austintehguy General lifestyle & budget advice needed - home warranties, life insurance, other
Hi all,
So this is going to be somewhat disorganized, but I want to spit all of the relevant financial facts out and then end with a couple questions/a request for advice. I appreciate you taking the time to read this.
Background info:
My wife & I have a mortgage on our home and have been living there for 2 years. The AC system on the home is *very* old, we had it inspected prior to moving in and were told that it could die any day - or last us for several more years. We have an emergency fund of 3 months of necessary expenses, and the only other debts we have are $20k of federal student loans that we incurred within the last 1-2 years as I went back to grad school and my wife is continuing her undergrad. We own two cars that are completely paid off and in great condition.
We recently had our first child, and decided it would be best for my wife to stay at home while taking care of the baby and continuing her education. We currently require approximately 71% of my net-take-home income per month for necessary living expenses (minimum debts, car insurance, utilities, groceries, gasoline, diapers). Around 13% of the take-home pay is set aside for student loan payments & additional savings for home & car maintenance, healthcare, vet, & other admin costs. 7.5% is for fun/personal spending, i.e. eating out, media subscriptions, and clothing. The last 8.5% is not directly included in our budget as I budget assuming 2 paychecks a month - on the 3 paycheck months, the extra check is typically split 80/20 or 70/30 into debt payment and fun/travel/other savings.
My wife is on her parents' medical/dental/vision insurance, and I just added our son to my employer's HDHP - I intend to switch to a traditional PPO plan next year when open enrollment is available. I contribute 3.5% to my employer-matched Roth 401k, and I'm currently putting around 5.1% of my gross income into an HSA to cover the baby delivery bills. I hope to have all of those paid off before moving away from the HSA. I also have vision & dental for myself via my employer and have enough voluntary life insurance added on top of the 2x salary that my employer offers to cover all our current debt if needed.
I'm currently focusing hard on getting rid of our unsub student loans >5%, and then I hope to bump the emergency fund to 6 months before looking to begin investing more of our income & possibly paying off the rest of the loans. I'm nearly finished with my grad degree, and I'll hopefully become a CPA within the next year or two, which should provide a much-needed bump in income.
Questions:
Home warranty - I was recently convinced by a family member to sign up for a home warranty w/ appliance coverage through American Home Shield. He's had great experiences with needing replacements to his home AC system in his 20s and multiple home appliances over the years. Our coverage begins next month, and the rate is $73.92/mo with a $120 fee for service calls. It covers all of the typical things, including our AC, electric, kitchen/laundry appliances. Is this a wise cost? I'm reasonably certain that the old AC is going to blow up any year, and when we had it inspected I was quoted a cost of $6000 to replace the unit and update the ductwork - which would be a very large majority of our emergency fund. To me, I figure it'll pay itself off within 2-3 years, and in the meantime I don't have to stress every hot summer day about it going out suddenly and our finances being wrecked.
Life insurance - I've read that term life insurance is what I need to consider now that we have a kid, but I just don't know if we have much room in the budget. Although we only need 71% of my net income, if you only consider the two paychecks a month it's more like 77.5%, and all of the rest is assigned to savings & fun & debt. I could certainly cut savings down a little bit and not set aside as much for our irregular costs like cahome maintenance, health/medicine, vet bills - but I'd prefer to keep those mostly intact as they are true costs that we must pay on an irregular basis and I'd like to leave the emergency fund alone. I've already cut personal spending by a ton since my wife quit working, so for our own sanity, I can't really afford to touch that.
So - any answers or general advice? I'd take some encouragement as well if you have any to spare. I have to say, it's rough out here as young parents in college. Everything is so expensive, and I barely feel we're making progress. I know we're ahead of a lot of folks our age with a mostly funded emergency fund, very little bad debt, and a home with a (kinda) affordable mortgage, but retirement seems a distant dream. A lot of advice I see is so unrealistic for people living real lives with relationships and kids - it's simply not feasible to cut ALL fun spending and eat only rice for 3 years while you work 2 side gigs alongside your 45-hour salaried job just to get ahead. I'd be happy just being able to afford to relocate my family to a small home with a little land outside of town within the next 5 years - but I don't even know if that's a possibility.
EDIT: I appreciate all the comments. I will be looking into term life insurance ASAP, and I've canceled the warranty policy. I should've guessed that simply saving my own cash is a smarter solution to gambling and relying on an accident - and a potentially unreliable service provider. With how slimy the agent I called was, I'm glad to not be relying on them - if they can afford to cut my rates by over half to keep me, I'm clearly not the one winning in that arrangement. I'm also shifting my focus away from the <10% >5% unsubsidized loans for the moment to try and get a 6-month emergency fund built - with a kid it just feels like the right move in case everything goes bad all at once. I'll go back to those loans once that's complete.
submitted by austintehguy to personalfinance [link] [comments]
So this is going to be somewhat disorganized, but I want to spit all of the relevant financial facts out and then end with a couple questions/a request for advice. I appreciate you taking the time to read this.
Background info:
My wife & I have a mortgage on our home and have been living there for 2 years. The AC system on the home is *very* old, we had it inspected prior to moving in and were told that it could die any day - or last us for several more years. We have an emergency fund of 3 months of necessary expenses, and the only other debts we have are $20k of federal student loans that we incurred within the last 1-2 years as I went back to grad school and my wife is continuing her undergrad. We own two cars that are completely paid off and in great condition.
We recently had our first child, and decided it would be best for my wife to stay at home while taking care of the baby and continuing her education. We currently require approximately 71% of my net-take-home income per month for necessary living expenses (minimum debts, car insurance, utilities, groceries, gasoline, diapers). Around 13% of the take-home pay is set aside for student loan payments & additional savings for home & car maintenance, healthcare, vet, & other admin costs. 7.5% is for fun/personal spending, i.e. eating out, media subscriptions, and clothing. The last 8.5% is not directly included in our budget as I budget assuming 2 paychecks a month - on the 3 paycheck months, the extra check is typically split 80/20 or 70/30 into debt payment and fun/travel/other savings.
My wife is on her parents' medical/dental/vision insurance, and I just added our son to my employer's HDHP - I intend to switch to a traditional PPO plan next year when open enrollment is available. I contribute 3.5% to my employer-matched Roth 401k, and I'm currently putting around 5.1% of my gross income into an HSA to cover the baby delivery bills. I hope to have all of those paid off before moving away from the HSA. I also have vision & dental for myself via my employer and have enough voluntary life insurance added on top of the 2x salary that my employer offers to cover all our current debt if needed.
I'm currently focusing hard on getting rid of our unsub student loans >5%, and then I hope to bump the emergency fund to 6 months before looking to begin investing more of our income & possibly paying off the rest of the loans. I'm nearly finished with my grad degree, and I'll hopefully become a CPA within the next year or two, which should provide a much-needed bump in income.
Questions:
Home warranty - I was recently convinced by a family member to sign up for a home warranty w/ appliance coverage through American Home Shield. He's had great experiences with needing replacements to his home AC system in his 20s and multiple home appliances over the years. Our coverage begins next month, and the rate is $73.92/mo with a $120 fee for service calls. It covers all of the typical things, including our AC, electric, kitchen/laundry appliances. Is this a wise cost? I'm reasonably certain that the old AC is going to blow up any year, and when we had it inspected I was quoted a cost of $6000 to replace the unit and update the ductwork - which would be a very large majority of our emergency fund. To me, I figure it'll pay itself off within 2-3 years, and in the meantime I don't have to stress every hot summer day about it going out suddenly and our finances being wrecked.
Life insurance - I've read that term life insurance is what I need to consider now that we have a kid, but I just don't know if we have much room in the budget. Although we only need 71% of my net income, if you only consider the two paychecks a month it's more like 77.5%, and all of the rest is assigned to savings & fun & debt. I could certainly cut savings down a little bit and not set aside as much for our irregular costs like cahome maintenance, health/medicine, vet bills - but I'd prefer to keep those mostly intact as they are true costs that we must pay on an irregular basis and I'd like to leave the emergency fund alone. I've already cut personal spending by a ton since my wife quit working, so for our own sanity, I can't really afford to touch that.
So - any answers or general advice? I'd take some encouragement as well if you have any to spare. I have to say, it's rough out here as young parents in college. Everything is so expensive, and I barely feel we're making progress. I know we're ahead of a lot of folks our age with a mostly funded emergency fund, very little bad debt, and a home with a (kinda) affordable mortgage, but retirement seems a distant dream. A lot of advice I see is so unrealistic for people living real lives with relationships and kids - it's simply not feasible to cut ALL fun spending and eat only rice for 3 years while you work 2 side gigs alongside your 45-hour salaried job just to get ahead. I'd be happy just being able to afford to relocate my family to a small home with a little land outside of town within the next 5 years - but I don't even know if that's a possibility.
EDIT: I appreciate all the comments. I will be looking into term life insurance ASAP, and I've canceled the warranty policy. I should've guessed that simply saving my own cash is a smarter solution to gambling and relying on an accident - and a potentially unreliable service provider. With how slimy the agent I called was, I'm glad to not be relying on them - if they can afford to cut my rates by over half to keep me, I'm clearly not the one winning in that arrangement. I'm also shifting my focus away from the <10% >5% unsubsidized loans for the moment to try and get a 6-month emergency fund built - with a kid it just feels like the right move in case everything goes bad all at once. I'll go back to those loans once that's complete.
2024.05.30 22:46 Many-Celery-5726 Start of my PCOS Journey (I guess?)
Hello again!
So I just got diagnosed with PCOS earlier this week and it hasn't really sunken in yet, but I've been wanting to contribute to this community in general so that maybe the things I learn can be of help to others/vice versa.
So far, I've only had one extreme period where I was dizzy, nauseous, extremely dehydrated x and in pain. My period is coming up in the next week or so, and I've been "pre cramping" and experiencing dehydration/fatigue which is pretty normal for me. I'm also struggling with my first Bartholin's cyst rn so any additional tips for that would be great (I have checked out the subreddit for Batholin's cysts!).
After dealing with medical negligence from my PCP and endocrinologist, I'm waiting to see how my OBGYN could help me with figuring out how to adjust/accommodate my lifestyle with the new diagnosis. I ended up getting a book from the library from a naturopathic doctor on dealing with PCOS, and I additionally plan on looking through this book that I got years ago when I was dealing with period irregularity. NOTE: I'm not using these to be my only source of advice, I'm just learning more about what is going on with my body since every time I go to the doctor it always seems to be "I don't know, but here's some birth control."
I also bought these two supplements from a company called Swanson, but I don't plan on taking them until I research all of the herbs, and until I meet with a doctor. I've been drinking ashwagandha tea bc adaptogens help with stress/cortisol management and I've known for a long time that my body doesn't really respond to stress well.
I'll post the images of the books below, but if anyone has any more book recs (preferably within the past 10 years or so, natural and pharmaceutical recs welcoms) then please let me know!
Hope you're all well :)
submitted by Many-Celery-5726 to PCOS [link] [comments]
So I just got diagnosed with PCOS earlier this week and it hasn't really sunken in yet, but I've been wanting to contribute to this community in general so that maybe the things I learn can be of help to others/vice versa.
So far, I've only had one extreme period where I was dizzy, nauseous, extremely dehydrated x and in pain. My period is coming up in the next week or so, and I've been "pre cramping" and experiencing dehydration/fatigue which is pretty normal for me. I'm also struggling with my first Bartholin's cyst rn so any additional tips for that would be great (I have checked out the subreddit for Batholin's cysts!).
After dealing with medical negligence from my PCP and endocrinologist, I'm waiting to see how my OBGYN could help me with figuring out how to adjust/accommodate my lifestyle with the new diagnosis. I ended up getting a book from the library from a naturopathic doctor on dealing with PCOS, and I additionally plan on looking through this book that I got years ago when I was dealing with period irregularity. NOTE: I'm not using these to be my only source of advice, I'm just learning more about what is going on with my body since every time I go to the doctor it always seems to be "I don't know, but here's some birth control."
I also bought these two supplements from a company called Swanson, but I don't plan on taking them until I research all of the herbs, and until I meet with a doctor. I've been drinking ashwagandha tea bc adaptogens help with stress/cortisol management and I've known for a long time that my body doesn't really respond to stress well.
I'll post the images of the books below, but if anyone has any more book recs (preferably within the past 10 years or so, natural and pharmaceutical recs welcoms) then please let me know!
Hope you're all well :)
2024.05.30 21:55 Outrageous-Carob-957 Act I of III: But Daddy, I Tell a Great Story!!
This is going to be a loooong one, but I came across some similarities between But Daddy, I Love Him, Fresh Out the Slammer, and Florida!!! that I think connects them as a three-act story of her being forced into the closet (slammer), serving her time, and finding freedom.
But Daddy, I Love Him is Act I. Acts II & III are coming, but this took me forever, so it might be a min.
BDILH can be read as a play within a play. This is where she starts her time in the slammer (slammed the door on my whole world), but she’s not going without a fight. Her journey begins with her rebelling against what is forced on her by becoming a caricature and cliche of what she is told she has to be. The “dad running the guy off with a shotgun” trope is the perfect way for her to describe what’s actually happened to her (she’s told she can’t love this person) while still playing the boy-obsessed pop star. The first and second choruses of the song are essentially her self-written script for the performance she’s playing within the larger story that she's telling us.
(side note because it deals with being jailed: from her NYU commencement speech: "So I became a young adult while being fed the message that if I didn't make any mistakes, all the children of America would grow up to be perfect angels. However, if I did slip up, the entire earth would fall off its axis and it would be entirely my fault and I would go to pop star jail forever and ever. It was all centered around the idea that mistakes equal failure and ultimately, the loss of any chance at a happy or rewarding life." She ended up in pop star jail anyway.)
(side note #2: Hamlet is a play within a play and is referenced twice in this song)
The juxtaposition of criticizing patriarchal structures (which Sarahs and Hannahs can uphold and enforce just as well as men can) while also playing into them is too obvious to be anything but satire. At the end of BDILH, she decides to confront those who put her in the slammer which leads to her breaking free, essentially.
We've ended the play within the play and moved on to Act II. The next song is FOTS which opens with “Now pretty baby, I’m running back home to you”; running to someone being a theme in both songs. Now that she’s broken out of the slammer and done her time, she’s running back to something/someone. Without these two songs being a continuation of one another as part of a larger story, they’re essentially pretty repetitive and telling the same story.
The first thing that stood out as a possible connection between the two songs was the intro to FOTS. It reminded me of the western whistle that is typically played in western films during a duel between cowboys. It sounds like a very low and slowed-down version of that (idk shit about music, so if there's a reference I'm missing please let me know. Either way, it reminded me of music from Western films). It seemed like an intentional callback since BDILH starts with “I forget how the west was won” and the theme of running to someone. The western sound at the beginning of the song could also be implying that she’s an “outlaw” (From Hits Different: I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost / Rip the Band-Aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw / Freedom felt like summer then on the coast) and “running back home to you” could imply she’s running from the law. Act III is Florida!!! which is one of the songs on the album that I understand the least, but the themes are there. It opens with “You can beat the heat, if you beat the charges too” which is a continuation of the “jailed/freedom” narrative of the last two songs. It’s an immediate callback to the previous song given that “the heat” often refers to the police. If I could guess, I think Florida!!! might be about her continuing to reflect on her choices to run from herself and “pack her life away”. I just can't quite figure out what Florida is symbolizing.
Here are some lyrical breakdowns from BDILH that led me to this conclusion and/or are relevant
I forget how the West was won
I am no history buff, so please forgive me if I get this all wrong. But one of the main goals of Westward expansion in the US was a promise of fortune (gold rush). How the West Was Won is a movie that took place in the 1830s and if the West is fame, fortune, and success, based on this line and "I Hate it Here" (We would pick a decade We wished we could live in instead of this I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid) I think she is trying to remember what she’s been fighting for all this time and if she could go back and start over again, she would
I also read that another reason for the Westward expansion was the opportunity to work in the cattle industry; to be a “cowboy”. So maybe being a “Cowboy Like Me” is another necessity of ‘winning the West’.
I think there is a further connection to "Gold Rush", but I haven’t figured out what that connection is yet.
I forget if this was ever fun
Here, "this" is referring to what she has had to do to “win the West”. It’s a continuance of her contemplating whether the path she took was worth it. She’s tired and can’t remember if she ever enjoyed this life.
I just learned these people only raise you to cage you
Using "just" here implies, to me, that this is the biggest lesson she’s learned from the choices she’s made and the path she’s taken. The people she trusted the most to help her “win the West” betrayed her and caged her. More mention of betrayal later.
Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best
This is a pretty clear reference to Christianity, specifically Southern Evangelical Christianity. The expression “Sunday best” alludes to reserving one’s finest clothes for going to church.
Clutching their pearls, sighing "What a mess"
To “clutch your pearls” is to act more shocked than you really feel to show that you think something is morally bad. Similar to “protesting too much”
I just learned these people try and save you
... cause they hate you
The “savior complex’ is very apparent in Christianity. Being a “savior” puts you on higher moral ground than the person you’re trying to save. People who have a savior complex are often more interested in fixing others than in loving them for who they are.
These two lines are essentially just another way to say “Love the sinner. Hate the sin”. This phrase is almost exclusively used against queer people.
Too high a horse
If you are on a high horse, you acting as if you think you are better than other people or that you know more than other people do. Someone who is on a high horse may “clutch their pearls” or "try to save you".
For a simple girl to rise above it
To rise above something is to not allow yourself to be hurt or controlled by something. In this instance, it’s the high horse mentioned above. She was too young and naive to rise above the judgment placed on her. (Reminds me of ‘too impaired by my youth to know what to do” in CoSoSoM)
**They slammed the door on my whole world
The one thing I wanted**
The first mention of the slammer. This was the event that started it all. She is a simple girl who is being controlled by those on high horses trying to convince her they know what’s best.
Chorus
**Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned
Screaming "But Daddy I love him!"**
These lines are the epitome of "boy crazy" which we know was her "image" or "reputation" at the beginning of her career and even now for some people. “Now” implies, to me, that there was a cause and effect. I think rather than fighting against those on the high horse, she is retaliating. She is overcompensating and becoming a caricature of what they want from her. She is essentially mocking them.
**I'm having his baby
No, I'm not, but you should see your faces**
The mocking is reiterated here. She makes a conscious choice to break the fourth wall a bit and show you she’s messing with you.
Taylor Nation also posted a tweet a few weeks ago where they wrote the baby line as "I'm HAvInG hIs BAbY" which is clearly them mocking the line or the people who are reading it seriously.
**I'm telling him to floor it through the fences
No, I'm not coming to my senses
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
I don’t think these lines are particularly important. They’re just adding to the role she’s playing.
The first and second choruses are essentially the self-written script she’s made to play the role they want her to play.
Verse
Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid
If you say someone is dutiful, they do everything they are expected to do.
Tendrils tucked into a woven braid
All of her messiness was tucked away to make her more palatable and acceptable.
Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all
Ok, this might go off the rails a bit but hold on. Looking up the specifics of being a precocious child led me to “The Queer Child, or Growing Sideways in the Twentieth Century”. The author of the book introduced the term “growing sideways” to describe ways of growing that defy the usual sense of growing “up” in a linear trajectory toward marriage, reproduction, and the relinquishing of childhood. Growing sideways is irregular growth involving odd lingerings and wayward paths. In other words, not growing up. Reminds me of the line “But now we'll curtail your curiosity" from Robin. The book uses different films and books to explore childhood queerness and quotes the works of Henry James, Radclyffe Hall, Virginia Woolf, Djuna Barnes, and Vladimir Nabokov to the movies Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, The Hanging Garden (now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon), Heavenly Creatures, Hoop Dreams, and the 2005 remake of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
I can not vouch for this book, the author's assertions, or beliefs, because I haven’t read it, but I wanted to include it because I think it’s too similar to the lyrics.
(Side note #3: Plot of the Hanging Garden: Sweet William, a gay man named after the flower of the same name, had a difficult growing-up period in rural Nova Scotia with his alcoholic father, Whiskey Mac, nurturing their garden more than he nurtured the family which included forcing William to memorize the common names of plants and when they bloomed with the consequences for not doing so often being beaten, with his mother Iris trying to deny his homosexual orientation with a specific act, and with his devoutly Catholic paternal grandmother, who he calls Nana and he loves dearly, also reacting strongly against discovering his homosexual orientation. That family dysfunction was arguably the reason for William's obesity during his teenage years in not much liking himself. Since moving to the city ten years ago, William has flourished in life, including being in a loving same-sex relationship and no longer being overweight. Somewhat to his family's surprise, William returns home for the first time since moving away for his younger sister Rosemary's wedding to her and William's childhood friend, Fletcher. Beyond everyone now being ten years older including William, Rosemary and Fletcher's transitions into adulthood, not much has changed within the family dynamic except for Nana now suffering from dementia, and William meeting his precocious and tomboyish adolescent sister Violet for the first time, she who was born after he left for the city. Despite being a different person than he was ten years ago, William will have to reconcile his life back to his time growing up at the family home, especially the continual visions he and others have of something hanging in the garden that was there ten years ago. His family, including Fletcher, will also have to do the same to be able to move on successfully with their individual lives.)
He was chaos, he was revelry
So I think this line is either referring to her queer self or potentially a romantic partnership that she was pressured into that was supposed to be a distraction or a “remedy” as mentioned in the next line
This could also be referring to the fictional “him” that she created in BDILH. Revelry means merrymaking, but also implies rebellion.
Bedroom eyes like a remedy
A remedy is a medicine or treatment for a disease or injury or to fix an undesirable situation. Is this the consolation prize given to her by the people trying to save her?
Soon enough the elders had convened
Ok, another slight derailment. When I first heard this line, it immediately reminded me of “The Giver” which is about a society with citizens who have no memories of its past and are not allowed to make their own decisions. They are not given freedom or choice. Without choice, the Elders believe they can prevent negative events or situations. The Elders make all the decisions about matters concerning the community. They observe children to give them their appropriate Assignments. They also observe citizens to match them with appropriate spouses and assign them children. The community in ‘The Giver’ is void of all color and is depicted in grayscale.
(Side Note: Taylor played Rosemary in "The Giver". Rosemary was training to become the next Receiver of Memories, but she chose death over living a lonely and isolated life filled with painful memories.)
Down at the city hall
I wasn’t sure what the significance of the “city hall” was but it could potentially be referencing the Music City Center and the Country Music Hall of Fame, which are both located in Nashville, where her career began. These could just be representative of the decision-makers in the music industry.
**"Stay away from her"
The saboteurs protested too much**
Saboteurs are the ones who raised her and caged her.
Saboteurs practice sabotage and deliberately try to subvert or limit the full exercise of something.
Reference to Hamlet: Hamlet's mother replies, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks", meaning that the Player Queen's protestations of love and fidelity are too excessive to be believed. Pearl clutching Sarahs and Hannahs also protest too much.
Today, the phrase is used in everyday speech to indicate doubt of someone's sincerity, especially regarding the truth of a strong denial or to imply that someone who denies something very strongly is hiding the truth of it
So now we know that the saboteurs, the Sarahs and Hannahs, and the people who raise you to cage you are all the same people. This will be relevant later.
Lord knows the words we never heard
Just screeching tires and true love
Potential connection to Getaway Car or The Bolter or just more imagery. I'm not sure.
Chorus
**And now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned
Screaming "But Daddy I love him!"
I'm having his baby
No, I'm not, but you should see your faces
I'm telling him to floor it through the fences
No, I'm not coming to my senses
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
Chorus
This is the turning point in the song where she decides to confront those who force her to be dutiful and slam the door on her whole world even if it means ruining her good name.
**I'll tell you something right now
I'd rather burn my whole life down
Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning
I'll tell you something about my good name
It's mine alone to disgrace
I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing**
I think this is pretty self-explanatory and I don't have much to add except to the last line
A viper is a snake that poisons others by biting them with hollow fangs that inject venom. Vipers are often used to describe spiteful, disloyal, or back-stabbing people. These are the saboteurs, but they’re dressed in their Sunday best.
If the vipers, the elders/saboteurs, the Sarahs and Hannahs, etc. are all the same people, she’s saying she won’t do what they’re telling her to do. The one clear demand that is mentioned is “stay away from her”. If she chooses to not cater to them, I think we could read this as she was told to stay away from someone else. This is written ambiguously so some people will read it as the Elders telling someone to stay away from her.
Bridge
God save the most judgmental creeps
I thought the use of the word “creep” here was weird because it’s typically used to describe weird dudes who won’t leave you alone, but one of the definitions of “to creep” is to move along with the body close to the ground, similar to how snakes move. I think this is just another clever way to tie all of these characters together.
**Who says they want what's best for me
Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see**
This line was hard for me to decipher. A soliloquy is typically the act of speaking one's thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play, and can often be an opportunity for a playwright to clarify aspects of the character or plot to the audience, either directly or indirectly. So maybe the vipers/creeps/Sarahs, etc. are also a part of the play and they’re communicating what we should believe about the character in some way.
Hamlet’s to be or not to be (to live or not to live) is one of the most famous soliloquies.
**Thinking it can change the beat
Of my heart when he touches me**
I think this should be read as “they think if he touches me, it will change the beat of my heart” instead of “their soliloquies will change the beat of my heart that is caused by him touching me” because she won’t see or hear the soliloquies so how could they change anything? He is supposed to be the remedy with bedroom eyes.
And counteract the chemistry
counteracting something is to act against it to reduce its force or neutralize it
**And undo the destiny
You ain't gotta pray for me
Me and my wild boy
And all this wild joy
If all you want is gray for me**
The judgemental creeps say they want what’s best for her which she is telling us is “gray”. The mention of gray takes us back to “The Giver” where the Elders get to decide who you love.
Then it's just white noise
White noise is defined as a "heterogeneous mixture of sound waves extending over a wide frequency range that has been used to mask out unwanted noise"
I had to look up the definition of heterogenous, but it means “different in kind, unlike, or incongruous.”
So the gray that they want for her is incongruent, or incompatible, with her but is supposed to mask out some unwanted noise.
And it's just my choice
I truly don’t know what she means by this, but maybe she’s saying if they’re putting limitations on her, she gets to decide how to work within those limitations.
Verse
**There's a lot of people in town that I
Bestow upon my fakest smiles**
If her boy-crazy character is a performance then she’s showing a fake happy version of herself.
Scandal does funny things to pride
Having someone catch you with a dude with your dress unbuttoned and them running him off is scandalous. The scandal is "performance" Taylor screaming “But daddy, I love him!” which is her way of retaliating because she was forced to hide her pride. She’s being facetious and fucking with people by creating a boy-crazy scandal. The phrase “the funny thing is” is used to introduce something unexpected or ironic that provides humor to a situation. I think she is literally calling out the irony of her writing in a way that convinces people she’s boy-crazy when she’s writing about being queer.
But brings lovers closer
The more you try to keep us apart, the closer we become
We came back when the heat died down
The phrase “the heat dies down” is often used in detective or crime stories to describe when someone hides out until the heat subsides, allowing them to move around without fear of being caught. To put the heat on someone often refers to trying to persuade or force them to do something.
**Went to my parents and they came around
All the wine moms are still holding out**
If you’re holding out for something, you refuse to accept something that you do not think is good enough and you continue to demand more.
But fuck 'em, it's over
If the two who were supposedly forced apart are now back together, what’s over? If the "wine moms" are holding out for her to leave this person they think isn’t good enough for her, but she’s saying it’s over, why would they still be holding out? Unless they’re holding out for her to find her prince charming, but she's telling them she's looking for something else.
**Now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun and
Even my daddy just loves him
I'm his lady, and oh my God
You should see your faces
Time, doesn't it give some perspective**
This reminded me of the lyrics to Peter: ‘As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return, With your feet on the ground, tell me all that you've learned 'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned'
Masquerade means to be disguised or passed off as something else
She could also be saying “in time, you'll be able to see it for what it is” to the same people she’s telling they can’t come to the wedding.
**No, you can't come to the wedding
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
Ending it here cause the rest is just outro
I hope this made sense and I'd love to hear other people's thoughts if you were able to make it to the end lol Also, I hope including the definitions of some words doesn't seem patronizing. The literal definitions of words help me with context a lot so that's why I've included them.
submitted by Outrageous-Carob-957 to GaylorSwift [link] [comments]
But Daddy, I Love Him is Act I. Acts II & III are coming, but this took me forever, so it might be a min.
BDILH can be read as a play within a play. This is where she starts her time in the slammer (slammed the door on my whole world), but she’s not going without a fight. Her journey begins with her rebelling against what is forced on her by becoming a caricature and cliche of what she is told she has to be. The “dad running the guy off with a shotgun” trope is the perfect way for her to describe what’s actually happened to her (she’s told she can’t love this person) while still playing the boy-obsessed pop star. The first and second choruses of the song are essentially her self-written script for the performance she’s playing within the larger story that she's telling us.
(side note because it deals with being jailed: from her NYU commencement speech: "So I became a young adult while being fed the message that if I didn't make any mistakes, all the children of America would grow up to be perfect angels. However, if I did slip up, the entire earth would fall off its axis and it would be entirely my fault and I would go to pop star jail forever and ever. It was all centered around the idea that mistakes equal failure and ultimately, the loss of any chance at a happy or rewarding life." She ended up in pop star jail anyway.)
(side note #2: Hamlet is a play within a play and is referenced twice in this song)
The juxtaposition of criticizing patriarchal structures (which Sarahs and Hannahs can uphold and enforce just as well as men can) while also playing into them is too obvious to be anything but satire. At the end of BDILH, she decides to confront those who put her in the slammer which leads to her breaking free, essentially.
We've ended the play within the play and moved on to Act II. The next song is FOTS which opens with “Now pretty baby, I’m running back home to you”; running to someone being a theme in both songs. Now that she’s broken out of the slammer and done her time, she’s running back to something/someone. Without these two songs being a continuation of one another as part of a larger story, they’re essentially pretty repetitive and telling the same story.
The first thing that stood out as a possible connection between the two songs was the intro to FOTS. It reminded me of the western whistle that is typically played in western films during a duel between cowboys. It sounds like a very low and slowed-down version of that (idk shit about music, so if there's a reference I'm missing please let me know. Either way, it reminded me of music from Western films). It seemed like an intentional callback since BDILH starts with “I forget how the west was won” and the theme of running to someone. The western sound at the beginning of the song could also be implying that she’s an “outlaw” (From Hits Different: I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost / Rip the Band-Aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw / Freedom felt like summer then on the coast) and “running back home to you” could imply she’s running from the law. Act III is Florida!!! which is one of the songs on the album that I understand the least, but the themes are there. It opens with “You can beat the heat, if you beat the charges too” which is a continuation of the “jailed/freedom” narrative of the last two songs. It’s an immediate callback to the previous song given that “the heat” often refers to the police. If I could guess, I think Florida!!! might be about her continuing to reflect on her choices to run from herself and “pack her life away”. I just can't quite figure out what Florida is symbolizing.
Here are some lyrical breakdowns from BDILH that led me to this conclusion and/or are relevant
I forget how the West was won
I am no history buff, so please forgive me if I get this all wrong. But one of the main goals of Westward expansion in the US was a promise of fortune (gold rush). How the West Was Won is a movie that took place in the 1830s and if the West is fame, fortune, and success, based on this line and "I Hate it Here" (We would pick a decade We wished we could live in instead of this I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid) I think she is trying to remember what she’s been fighting for all this time and if she could go back and start over again, she would
I also read that another reason for the Westward expansion was the opportunity to work in the cattle industry; to be a “cowboy”. So maybe being a “Cowboy Like Me” is another necessity of ‘winning the West’.
I think there is a further connection to "Gold Rush", but I haven’t figured out what that connection is yet.
I forget if this was ever fun
Here, "this" is referring to what she has had to do to “win the West”. It’s a continuance of her contemplating whether the path she took was worth it. She’s tired and can’t remember if she ever enjoyed this life.
I just learned these people only raise you to cage you
Using "just" here implies, to me, that this is the biggest lesson she’s learned from the choices she’s made and the path she’s taken. The people she trusted the most to help her “win the West” betrayed her and caged her. More mention of betrayal later.
Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best
This is a pretty clear reference to Christianity, specifically Southern Evangelical Christianity. The expression “Sunday best” alludes to reserving one’s finest clothes for going to church.
Clutching their pearls, sighing "What a mess"
To “clutch your pearls” is to act more shocked than you really feel to show that you think something is morally bad. Similar to “protesting too much”
I just learned these people try and save you
... cause they hate you
The “savior complex’ is very apparent in Christianity. Being a “savior” puts you on higher moral ground than the person you’re trying to save. People who have a savior complex are often more interested in fixing others than in loving them for who they are.
These two lines are essentially just another way to say “Love the sinner. Hate the sin”. This phrase is almost exclusively used against queer people.
Too high a horse
If you are on a high horse, you acting as if you think you are better than other people or that you know more than other people do. Someone who is on a high horse may “clutch their pearls” or "try to save you".
For a simple girl to rise above it
To rise above something is to not allow yourself to be hurt or controlled by something. In this instance, it’s the high horse mentioned above. She was too young and naive to rise above the judgment placed on her. (Reminds me of ‘too impaired by my youth to know what to do” in CoSoSoM)
**They slammed the door on my whole world
The one thing I wanted**
The first mention of the slammer. This was the event that started it all. She is a simple girl who is being controlled by those on high horses trying to convince her they know what’s best.
Chorus
**Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned
Screaming "But Daddy I love him!"**
These lines are the epitome of "boy crazy" which we know was her "image" or "reputation" at the beginning of her career and even now for some people. “Now” implies, to me, that there was a cause and effect. I think rather than fighting against those on the high horse, she is retaliating. She is overcompensating and becoming a caricature of what they want from her. She is essentially mocking them.
**I'm having his baby
No, I'm not, but you should see your faces**
The mocking is reiterated here. She makes a conscious choice to break the fourth wall a bit and show you she’s messing with you.
Taylor Nation also posted a tweet a few weeks ago where they wrote the baby line as "I'm HAvInG hIs BAbY" which is clearly them mocking the line or the people who are reading it seriously.
**I'm telling him to floor it through the fences
No, I'm not coming to my senses
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
I don’t think these lines are particularly important. They’re just adding to the role she’s playing.
The first and second choruses are essentially the self-written script she’s made to play the role they want her to play.
Verse
Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid
If you say someone is dutiful, they do everything they are expected to do.
Tendrils tucked into a woven braid
All of her messiness was tucked away to make her more palatable and acceptable.
Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all
Ok, this might go off the rails a bit but hold on. Looking up the specifics of being a precocious child led me to “The Queer Child, or Growing Sideways in the Twentieth Century”. The author of the book introduced the term “growing sideways” to describe ways of growing that defy the usual sense of growing “up” in a linear trajectory toward marriage, reproduction, and the relinquishing of childhood. Growing sideways is irregular growth involving odd lingerings and wayward paths. In other words, not growing up. Reminds me of the line “But now we'll curtail your curiosity" from Robin. The book uses different films and books to explore childhood queerness and quotes the works of Henry James, Radclyffe Hall, Virginia Woolf, Djuna Barnes, and Vladimir Nabokov to the movies Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, The Hanging Garden (now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon), Heavenly Creatures, Hoop Dreams, and the 2005 remake of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
I can not vouch for this book, the author's assertions, or beliefs, because I haven’t read it, but I wanted to include it because I think it’s too similar to the lyrics.
(Side note #3: Plot of the Hanging Garden: Sweet William, a gay man named after the flower of the same name, had a difficult growing-up period in rural Nova Scotia with his alcoholic father, Whiskey Mac, nurturing their garden more than he nurtured the family which included forcing William to memorize the common names of plants and when they bloomed with the consequences for not doing so often being beaten, with his mother Iris trying to deny his homosexual orientation with a specific act, and with his devoutly Catholic paternal grandmother, who he calls Nana and he loves dearly, also reacting strongly against discovering his homosexual orientation. That family dysfunction was arguably the reason for William's obesity during his teenage years in not much liking himself. Since moving to the city ten years ago, William has flourished in life, including being in a loving same-sex relationship and no longer being overweight. Somewhat to his family's surprise, William returns home for the first time since moving away for his younger sister Rosemary's wedding to her and William's childhood friend, Fletcher. Beyond everyone now being ten years older including William, Rosemary and Fletcher's transitions into adulthood, not much has changed within the family dynamic except for Nana now suffering from dementia, and William meeting his precocious and tomboyish adolescent sister Violet for the first time, she who was born after he left for the city. Despite being a different person than he was ten years ago, William will have to reconcile his life back to his time growing up at the family home, especially the continual visions he and others have of something hanging in the garden that was there ten years ago. His family, including Fletcher, will also have to do the same to be able to move on successfully with their individual lives.)
He was chaos, he was revelry
So I think this line is either referring to her queer self or potentially a romantic partnership that she was pressured into that was supposed to be a distraction or a “remedy” as mentioned in the next line
This could also be referring to the fictional “him” that she created in BDILH. Revelry means merrymaking, but also implies rebellion.
Bedroom eyes like a remedy
A remedy is a medicine or treatment for a disease or injury or to fix an undesirable situation. Is this the consolation prize given to her by the people trying to save her?
Soon enough the elders had convened
Ok, another slight derailment. When I first heard this line, it immediately reminded me of “The Giver” which is about a society with citizens who have no memories of its past and are not allowed to make their own decisions. They are not given freedom or choice. Without choice, the Elders believe they can prevent negative events or situations. The Elders make all the decisions about matters concerning the community. They observe children to give them their appropriate Assignments. They also observe citizens to match them with appropriate spouses and assign them children. The community in ‘The Giver’ is void of all color and is depicted in grayscale.
(Side Note: Taylor played Rosemary in "The Giver". Rosemary was training to become the next Receiver of Memories, but she chose death over living a lonely and isolated life filled with painful memories.)
Down at the city hall
I wasn’t sure what the significance of the “city hall” was but it could potentially be referencing the Music City Center and the Country Music Hall of Fame, which are both located in Nashville, where her career began. These could just be representative of the decision-makers in the music industry.
**"Stay away from her"
The saboteurs protested too much**
Saboteurs are the ones who raised her and caged her.
Saboteurs practice sabotage and deliberately try to subvert or limit the full exercise of something.
Reference to Hamlet: Hamlet's mother replies, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks", meaning that the Player Queen's protestations of love and fidelity are too excessive to be believed. Pearl clutching Sarahs and Hannahs also protest too much.
Today, the phrase is used in everyday speech to indicate doubt of someone's sincerity, especially regarding the truth of a strong denial or to imply that someone who denies something very strongly is hiding the truth of it
So now we know that the saboteurs, the Sarahs and Hannahs, and the people who raise you to cage you are all the same people. This will be relevant later.
Lord knows the words we never heard
Just screeching tires and true love
Potential connection to Getaway Car or The Bolter or just more imagery. I'm not sure.
Chorus
**And now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned
Screaming "But Daddy I love him!"
I'm having his baby
No, I'm not, but you should see your faces
I'm telling him to floor it through the fences
No, I'm not coming to my senses
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
Chorus
This is the turning point in the song where she decides to confront those who force her to be dutiful and slam the door on her whole world even if it means ruining her good name.
**I'll tell you something right now
I'd rather burn my whole life down
Than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning
I'll tell you something about my good name
It's mine alone to disgrace
I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing**
I think this is pretty self-explanatory and I don't have much to add except to the last line
A viper is a snake that poisons others by biting them with hollow fangs that inject venom. Vipers are often used to describe spiteful, disloyal, or back-stabbing people. These are the saboteurs, but they’re dressed in their Sunday best.
If the vipers, the elders/saboteurs, the Sarahs and Hannahs, etc. are all the same people, she’s saying she won’t do what they’re telling her to do. The one clear demand that is mentioned is “stay away from her”. If she chooses to not cater to them, I think we could read this as she was told to stay away from someone else. This is written ambiguously so some people will read it as the Elders telling someone to stay away from her.
Bridge
God save the most judgmental creeps
I thought the use of the word “creep” here was weird because it’s typically used to describe weird dudes who won’t leave you alone, but one of the definitions of “to creep” is to move along with the body close to the ground, similar to how snakes move. I think this is just another clever way to tie all of these characters together.
**Who says they want what's best for me
Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see**
This line was hard for me to decipher. A soliloquy is typically the act of speaking one's thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play, and can often be an opportunity for a playwright to clarify aspects of the character or plot to the audience, either directly or indirectly. So maybe the vipers/creeps/Sarahs, etc. are also a part of the play and they’re communicating what we should believe about the character in some way.
Hamlet’s to be or not to be (to live or not to live) is one of the most famous soliloquies.
**Thinking it can change the beat
Of my heart when he touches me**
I think this should be read as “they think if he touches me, it will change the beat of my heart” instead of “their soliloquies will change the beat of my heart that is caused by him touching me” because she won’t see or hear the soliloquies so how could they change anything? He is supposed to be the remedy with bedroom eyes.
And counteract the chemistry
counteracting something is to act against it to reduce its force or neutralize it
**And undo the destiny
You ain't gotta pray for me
Me and my wild boy
And all this wild joy
If all you want is gray for me**
The judgemental creeps say they want what’s best for her which she is telling us is “gray”. The mention of gray takes us back to “The Giver” where the Elders get to decide who you love.
Then it's just white noise
White noise is defined as a "heterogeneous mixture of sound waves extending over a wide frequency range that has been used to mask out unwanted noise"
I had to look up the definition of heterogenous, but it means “different in kind, unlike, or incongruous.”
So the gray that they want for her is incongruent, or incompatible, with her but is supposed to mask out some unwanted noise.
And it's just my choice
I truly don’t know what she means by this, but maybe she’s saying if they’re putting limitations on her, she gets to decide how to work within those limitations.
Verse
**There's a lot of people in town that I
Bestow upon my fakest smiles**
If her boy-crazy character is a performance then she’s showing a fake happy version of herself.
Scandal does funny things to pride
Having someone catch you with a dude with your dress unbuttoned and them running him off is scandalous. The scandal is "performance" Taylor screaming “But daddy, I love him!” which is her way of retaliating because she was forced to hide her pride. She’s being facetious and fucking with people by creating a boy-crazy scandal. The phrase “the funny thing is” is used to introduce something unexpected or ironic that provides humor to a situation. I think she is literally calling out the irony of her writing in a way that convinces people she’s boy-crazy when she’s writing about being queer.
But brings lovers closer
The more you try to keep us apart, the closer we become
We came back when the heat died down
The phrase “the heat dies down” is often used in detective or crime stories to describe when someone hides out until the heat subsides, allowing them to move around without fear of being caught. To put the heat on someone often refers to trying to persuade or force them to do something.
**Went to my parents and they came around
All the wine moms are still holding out**
If you’re holding out for something, you refuse to accept something that you do not think is good enough and you continue to demand more.
But fuck 'em, it's over
If the two who were supposedly forced apart are now back together, what’s over? If the "wine moms" are holding out for her to leave this person they think isn’t good enough for her, but she’s saying it’s over, why would they still be holding out? Unless they’re holding out for her to find her prince charming, but she's telling them she's looking for something else.
**Now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun and
Even my daddy just loves him
I'm his lady, and oh my God
You should see your faces
Time, doesn't it give some perspective**
This reminded me of the lyrics to Peter: ‘As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return, With your feet on the ground, tell me all that you've learned 'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned'
Masquerade means to be disguised or passed off as something else
She could also be saying “in time, you'll be able to see it for what it is” to the same people she’s telling they can’t come to the wedding.
**No, you can't come to the wedding
I know he's crazy but he's the one I want**
Ending it here cause the rest is just outro
I hope this made sense and I'd love to hear other people's thoughts if you were able to make it to the end lol Also, I hope including the definitions of some words doesn't seem patronizing. The literal definitions of words help me with context a lot so that's why I've included them.
2024.05.30 21:08 LeadingDurian1583 Overwhelmed with what to do
Hi everyone. I’m turning 26 next month and up until March, I was never told to worry about my lack of periods and all the symptoms that screamed PCOS. My dr told me from age of 12-17 that my inconsistent, irregular period is due to being overweight. Age 17, got a boyfriend, went on birth control and never looked back. Fast forward 8 years, same boyfriend, we decided to go off birth control and let my body adjust to life without it. Didn’t get a period for 10 months but that’s what was expected from the conversation had with my dr. Went a bit without health insurance and now here we are 2024, married and definitely ready for a baby. Got health insurance and New drs. Immediately brought up my concern of pcos and seeing a gynecologist for the first time. Confirmed pcos and started me on metformin. But my period still isn’t showing up. I am about to start provera next week, hoping it helps move things along. But here I am, 25 almost 26, learning about a period and the phases, while also trying to figure out everything I am supposed to understand and be doing to better my odds of getting pregnant. But I am so over my head. I have a Tempdrop to track bbt, and I am leaning about CM. But for the life of me I have no clue where to start. Learning all these acronyms and phrases makes my head spin. Any tips or suggestions on where to start? What’s important to focus on? What can I work on to be better and healthier?
submitted by LeadingDurian1583 to TTC_PCOS [link] [comments]
2024.05.30 21:04 pink-girlie101 told my bf i feel obligated to have sex and he felt hurt
here’s some context:
We were having our “weekly couples talk”, where we talk about how to improve ourselves and strengthen our relationship. but we rarely do it so it’s not weekly . He told me he wishes I initiated sex more so that he feels like he is not begging or feel unwanted. i understood how he felt. But I explained (again) that my sex drive has gone lower especially with school being stressful, my periods been irregular, other factors that i’ll go to a gynaecologist to check out and i’ve been conflicting my religious beliefs lately. We’ve had this talk before and he said we’ll figure it out together and he’ll support me. So I was taken a back when he said he wishes I initiate more. Whenever we see each other, he is always indicating or asking for sex. If we wake up the next morning together or we just saw each other… there’s signs .So there isn't necessarily any room for me to initiate. He also wishes that if I am feeling in the mood, I tell even if it's over text. But when we're not together, we have superficial texts so again, i guess i didn't feel like there's room to text those type of messages. We kept talking our feeling out and I said i felt obligated to have sex with him but I didn't mean it with a negative connotation. I know there are better words to use and I apologised for how i said it. I explained that even with my low sex drive and all, I would still want to make him feel good and satisfy him because I love him. He is still pretty hurt although he told me it's fine when I apologised. For some reason i feel so frustrated and angry with him because he's so focused on how he is hurt and I am trying to make him feel better.He'll ask me how i am feeling and i'll explain that i'm frustrated but won't dive deeper into my emotion. He won't talk through my inner conflicts and how it's really affected me. I would feel bad for feeling this way because he would ask me how i am, but the conversation stays superficial? It's making me crazy and I just want advice. If I'm crazy then I promise to try become better, if not then why do I feel this way? i hope this makes sense
submitted by pink-girlie101 to sexadvise [link] [comments]
We were having our “weekly couples talk”, where we talk about how to improve ourselves and strengthen our relationship. but we rarely do it so it’s not weekly . He told me he wishes I initiated sex more so that he feels like he is not begging or feel unwanted. i understood how he felt. But I explained (again) that my sex drive has gone lower especially with school being stressful, my periods been irregular, other factors that i’ll go to a gynaecologist to check out and i’ve been conflicting my religious beliefs lately. We’ve had this talk before and he said we’ll figure it out together and he’ll support me. So I was taken a back when he said he wishes I initiate more. Whenever we see each other, he is always indicating or asking for sex. If we wake up the next morning together or we just saw each other… there’s signs .So there isn't necessarily any room for me to initiate. He also wishes that if I am feeling in the mood, I tell even if it's over text. But when we're not together, we have superficial texts so again, i guess i didn't feel like there's room to text those type of messages. We kept talking our feeling out and I said i felt obligated to have sex with him but I didn't mean it with a negative connotation. I know there are better words to use and I apologised for how i said it. I explained that even with my low sex drive and all, I would still want to make him feel good and satisfy him because I love him. He is still pretty hurt although he told me it's fine when I apologised. For some reason i feel so frustrated and angry with him because he's so focused on how he is hurt and I am trying to make him feel better.He'll ask me how i am feeling and i'll explain that i'm frustrated but won't dive deeper into my emotion. He won't talk through my inner conflicts and how it's really affected me. I would feel bad for feeling this way because he would ask me how i am, but the conversation stays superficial? It's making me crazy and I just want advice. If I'm crazy then I promise to try become better, if not then why do I feel this way? i hope this makes sense
2024.05.30 15:18 Ovaz1088 Polyphenols: immunonutrients tipping the balance of immunometabolism in chronic diseases
 | In recent years, the term “immunometabolism” has gained traction within the scientific and research communities as a descriptor of the interface between the immune system and metabolism. The disruption of such complex interactions is increasingly recognized as a common denominator of a wide range of socioeconomically impactful diseases of both autoimmune and non-autoimmune nature (172). submitted by Ovaz1088 to Nutraceuticalscience [link] [comments] The escalating prevalence of immunometabolic disorders and the intricate interplay between metabolic irregularities and scenarios of chronic inflammation underscore the imperative to unravel the mechanisms that dictate the programming of immune cell metabolism. In fact, cells from the immune system display unique energy requirements depending on their activation state, anabolic and catabolic mechanisms, being associated with pro- and anti-inflammatory responses, respectively (336). Therefore, modulating immune cells’ metabolic pathways through their respective energetic substrates may significantly impact disease outcome. From this perspective, nutritional interventions emerge as promising tools within the realm of preventive and/or adjunct therapeutic approaches, framing the concept of immunonutrition, a branch of precision nutrition aimed to fine tune pro- or anti-inflammatory immunophenotypes through personalized protocols tailored to individual requirements, health status and metabolic variability (57, 337). Within the context of immunometabolic disorders, polyphenols stand out due to a wealth of evidence supporting their potential health benefits. Remarkably, varied polyphenols have shown to exert immunomodulatory effects, such as curtailing immune cell hyperactivity and rebalancing pro- and anti-inflammatory T cell subsets, naming a few (70). Particularly, these bioactive compounds are reported to influence immune cell metabolic reprogramming, driving a tolerogenic phenotype and mitigating inflammation, thus showcasing significant potential as key immunonutrients. Such outcomes stem from their influence on nutrient-sensing pathways primarily involved in processes like glycolysis, mitochondrial biogenesis and dynamics as well as mitochondria-ER-lysosome inter-organelle connections, leading to epigenetic and metabolic reprogramming that yield diverse immunomodulatory effects across different cell populations as depicted in Figure 3 (338). It is worth emphasizing that a substantial portion of these regulatory pathways is similarly influenced by the pleiotropic effects of drugs included in current therapeutic algorithms for the aforementioned diseases (as illustrated in Figure 4), encouraging further exploration on how to best leverage polyphenols as immunonutrients, including optimal dosing, administration routes and potential drug-nutrients interactions requiring clarification. Likewise, precision nutrition practices must account for the metabolic and immunological changes occurring in various life stages, particularly focusing on aging and associated immunosenescence, an imperative yet unmet need. |
2024.05.30 13:00 SexxxMelaneexxx Clerihew
A clerihew is a whimsical, four-line biographical poem that follows a specific rhyming scheme (AABB). It was invented by English novelist and humorist Edmund Clerihew Bentley. Clerihews often feature humorous or satirical content, and they playfully capture peculiarities or anecdotes about a person.
Key features of a clerihew include:
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Key features of a clerihew include:
- Structure: Four lines with a rhyming scheme AABB.
- Subject: Typically focuses on a person, often a public figure, in a humorous or light-hearted manner.
- Irregular Meter: Clerihews often have irregular meter, with lines of varying lengths. 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫 Here's a simple example:
2024.05.30 09:06 Shoopdebopt The Raven Queen and her Nightingale (Prologue)
012.M42 On a bleak and dreary world caked with the ashes of thousands, a figure clad in black moves swiftly through the rubble and debris of the quiet battlefield. They trudged through No Man’s Land with the scrapped ruins of tanks both from the Imperial Guard and the Raven Guard. The figure was a part of this long lived chapter, yet they did not share the close bonds of brotherhood they’d drawn on for 10,000 years. The figure had spent many of these millenia frozen and preserved in stasis despite the gene enhancements given to them by the Imperial Genewrights on Terra. Preserved, but always knowing they were displaced out of time and should have passed on long ago. Duty to the chapter and to their Lady of Vengeance has kept them motivated to assist her Sons whenever they could, many called the figure a ghost, but those who knew them more personally called the Nightingale.
Nightingale surveyed the torn apart battlefield with their infrared goggles and binoculars for any survivors that might have held on until now. A fleeting pass time the cloaked figure did to update casualty reports, recover wargear important to the Imperial’s effort, and bring any memorabilia back to those waiting. Nightingale was however on a mission of utmost importance for the Raven Guard and that was to work with the other infiltration and scout teams sent out to survey and record any data or troop movements of the Word Bearers chapter that had come to this world to raze it to the ground. Nightingale was only ever awoken for dangerous and important operations like this. Dark Apostles and howling demonic creatures were seen in greater numbers than ever before amidst the large amount of Word Bearers. This had all the makings of a major Sector wide conflict that was to begin on this world and Nightingale wasn’t going to allow that to happen.
Suddenly Nightingale’s eyes perked up as they saw something on the thermal imaging of their goggles. A figure larger than any Space Marine, even one in terminator armor coming directly towards their position. A flash of fear overtook Nightingale and made them move with the tuned reflexes of a well trained infiltrator as they began to weave into a destroyed building. Yet before they could move deeper in Nightingale felt a telekinetic grip seize upon their chest and slam them into the side of a destroyed ash covered building. Nightingale felt their breath explode out of their lungs and spit coat the inside of the mask they always wore to cover their face. One goggle cracked and popped off from the force of the push to expose a focused and cold green eye that quickly met a pair of goatlike red eyes. A perfect smile crested the large figures face, her features were twisted far from the soft and warm glow she’d always presented during the Great Crusade, her Golden Tattoos written in Colchisian script were replaced with blasphemous and hateful script of an indecipherable maddening nature. “Looking for your lost Raven, Songbird?” Aurelia the Urizen asked in a prim and proper voice oozing with liquid gold. Yet any attempt for such honeyed words to elicit any response from the pinned figure was met with grunts of struggle.
“Oh don’t struggle so my dear friend, after all we wouldn’t want Corvess to be upset that I look like I’m causing you any discomfort now.” Her mocking tone gives way to show just how arrogant she’d truly become in the last 10,000 years. Nightingale wanted to spit venom at her, but knew that it would only fall on the deaf ears of this traitor. “Do you wish to know where she is? We’ve had the pleasure of meeting her and I over the last 10,000 years that you’ve been asleep and Corvess has been quite the frequent visitor to my realm. Our darling Raven Queen and myself have grown closer than ever now even since Isstvan 5.” Her words make the figure reach faster than a mortal could catch to a hip holster containing a plasma pistol. The bright ball of star fire exits the weapon and slams into Aurelia, though a telekine shield absorbs the blow distracting her for but a heartbeat. A distraction Nightingale used to hit a distress beacon in their toolbelt, broadcasting a radio signal that could be picked up on the Raven Guard’s channels and in their MK.6 Corvus Pattern helmets.
“You know striking out at your ‘Sister-in-law’ is most unkind. Then again I’d expect nothing less from a droll and unenlightened soul like yourself. Whatever Corvess saw in you, I will never see and she should have left you on your backwater homeworld where you belonged as the fool you are.” Her words didn’t even reach Nightingale, their attention was drawn to the jutting pieces of rebar, bent tank barrels, and other perches around the twisted and destroyed city turned battleground. An odd sight began to appear around the supposedly dead industrial center of this world, a murder of Ravens had appeared, each of them red eyed and subtly different to the Terran Avian. All of them had sharper metallic sheened beaks, razor like feathers, and they all turned a burning and hateful gaze towards Aurelia.
The Urizen’s attention was drawn to the gathering birds with a smile on her face as she hefted her Power Maul ‘Illuminarum’ high into the air to bring it down on the restrained Nightingale. “Such a shame you couldn’t see your Raven Queen one last time, though she’ll have to settle for your corrupted corpse when I lay it at her feet.” Nightingale prepared for death to come, the Maul to drop and their head to be pulverized without another word, their eyes however drew up to a larger raven traditionally Terran Raven from the other far more demonic ravens perched around. ‘Lenore…you are still with us.’ Nightingale thought to themselves as they smiled one last time and saw the mace swing down.
Yet death did not come, all they could hear now was the sharp screech of metal upon metal that erupted out of the ashen silence filling the air with sparking noise of metal and power fields meeting. Nightingale opened their eyes and beheld some kind of creature made of purest inky black, numerous large red avian eyes opened up throughout the entire pool of standing darkness itself as if to drink in its surroundings of all the meager light that dared shine on it. The eyes focused on Nightingale and Aurelia both, they glowed with hatred towards the Urizen, an old burning hatred that blazed into an inferno as the two large figures clashed. The eyes focusing on Nightingale didn’t have that innate malice in them though, they looked at their body and then they met that one exposed green eye. A spark of what could only be recognition lit up in them and the shadowy figure pushed Aurelia back with a swift boot of smoking shadow. With a growl Aurelia was sent back as the shadows took up a far more recognizable form, one which made Nightingale's twin hearts skip several irregular beats. A mouth that hadn’t spoken in 10,000 years finally opened and a voice uttered one name that hadn’t been spoken since their disappearance millenia ago. “Corvess.” Nightingale’s disused voice breathed out the words in a rapsy gasp. Raspy as it was, it carried all the weight and hollowness that the figure had felt since their Raven Queen’s disappearance, the longing to see her once more having driven an ice cold stake through Nightingale’s heart.
Jet black eyes like that of an empty void looked at Nightingale, softly drifting ash winds swept her longer black hair against her porcelain white features. Her face set into a marbled stare of perfection, like a statue had been brought to life by the Galaxies most skilled artisans. Yet the eyes and mouth moved unlike any statue Nightingale had ever seen and twisted into a face of cold rage. The voice echoing from her perfect lips speaking in a tone that Nightingale had almost forgotten. Yet each word from her reinvigorated their spirit and filled their 2 hearts with new life and purpose. “Did you think you’d be able to escape my talons Aurelia? I said I would hunt you down and take my revenge upon you for your betrayal…” Corvess said coldly.
Aurelia just laughed and raised Illuminarum high, her eyes blazing with witch fire as her psyker powers erupted from her demonic connection to the warp. “Bold of you Sister to think you’d be able to slay me.” Nightingale felt their body drop to the ground while the corrupted Primarch began focusing their psychic might on the black clad Raven Queen. Corvess looked back to Nightingale and tilted her head the slightest bit, the gesture showing the consort to the Lady of Ravens all they needed to know. This was not a duel for mortals to get in between, Demi Gods that could tear earth and sky asunder was about to take place and no one would want to be in the middle of it all. Corvess lunged at Aurelia, sweeping aside the downward swings of her corrupted sister’s power maul with one of her lightning claws. The second claw thrusted forward only for Aurelia to chuckle mirthfully as a twist of her foot sent the haft of her maul into the claw’s path.
The two primarch’s began to dance back and forth, faster than any mortal or gene enhanced eye could follow. Nightingale still tried to keep pace though and felt their head spin when all they caught was a brutal kick from Aurelia to Corvess’s side sending the Raven Queen into a concrete pillar. Aurelia pulled the cracked pillar down attempting to batter her sister with it, Corvess sliced it in half as it came on and rolled to the side when the Urizen slammed her mace into the pillar’s path to catch the swung arm. Claw and Mace scraped together in the ring of steel and sparking power fields, neither Primarch seeming to gain an advantage on the other while their blindingly fast duel continued.
Nightingale climbed out of the quickly crumbling building with all the athleticism and acrobatics their gene enhanced body was gifted with. The destroyed building entrance glowed faintly with the flickering remains of sunlight still shining through the layer of ash in the city as Nightingale ran towards it. They sprinted out of the entrance just in time for an explosion of dust and debris to come rocketing out with the force of a Krak missile. Nightingale spun around and saw Corvess standing tall, her black hair hanging around her in a messy mop looking as unkempt and disheveled as she had been when they’d last seen one another. Yet those solid black eyes of hers were clear, clean and serene with the certainty of purpose Songbird had never seen before even during the Great Heresy.
Out of the dust though a bolt of warp lightning burst forth with the smell of sickening ozone. Corvess was already dodging, weaving aside into the shadows of fallen rubble. It was always something to see when the Raven Queen called upon her innate abilities to become one with the shadow, like a swimmer diving into a pool with the greatest of ease. Yet now Nightingale saw it was something more, she didn’t just meld into shadow like she had always done before, it was more like she became one with shadow itself. Multiple bolts of warp lightning were hurled at the destroyed buildings walls and blasted them outwards to further shake the building. Aurelia growled in frustration, unable to find her black clad sister in the dust and smoke despite her demonically and gene enhanced senses.
Nightingale knew better than to just stand around, even as they knew Corvess wouldn’t appreciate any interloper coming between this fated meeting of two Primarch’s. Still despite the Raven Queen’s naysaying her Songbird wasn’t about to let her fight alone, not when they’d just gotten her back. No, something had to be done or reinforcements would have to be summoned in the least. Nightingale looked down and groaned in dismay to see their vox haler was broken beyond repair thanks to the psychic grip of Aurelia.
Fortune however seemed to smile on this mortal today as they spotted a broken down Rhino transport tank of the Raven Guard’s 3rd Company ‘Ghoststalkers.’ A smile crept across Nightingale’s lips as they ran into the tank seeing that it’s primary weapon was still intact. The infiltrator took a deep breath as their one remaining goggle began to scan over the damaged circuitry of the vehicle, sturdy as Astartes tanks were, Nightingale hoped that the machine spirit would grant one last request before the machine spirit was permanently silenced. Their black gloved fingers began hitting activation runes on the control panel, sparks flew up and down the circuitry as the Machine Spirit began to hum into life again. “Come on…” Nightingale whispered while they turned on the outer camera to try and begin the firing sequence and line up a shot.
The shadows coalesced again in a cloud of blades and metal beaks which began to peck at the demonically corrupted Primarch and slice ever more at the building around them. Rockcrete and steel were cleanly cut through by the shadow as the building began to shake more around them. Materializing fully once more Corvess and Aurelia matched each other blow for blow, psychic might meeting peerless skill while the two sister’s glared with perfect hatred into each other’s eyes. “When I’m through with you, your pathetic chapter, and your darling little Songbird will know terror beyond belief before I feed them to the warp.” Aurelia sneered as she tried to bring the unbalance of emotion into Corvess’s mind. Yet the Shadowed Lady fought coldly and without emotion despite Aurelia’s pithy barbs. “Save your idle talk for your fallen sons and followers. They’re more akin to listen and follow along with your blasphemous sermons.” Corvess slammed her boot into Aurelia’s leg to bend her low.
The mighty power armor of the Urizen buckled for a moment while Corvess raised her lightning claws dripping with shadow up to impale her sister. Suddenly the Dark Ladies ears perked up when she heard Nightingale activating the high pitched shriek of their distress signal to draw the Raven Queen’s attention. Corvess didn’t even look back as she brought a knee into Aurelia’s nose and shattered it with a sickening crunch of cartilage and sinew to stun her. Spreading her metal wings her jetpack silently roared into life and boosted upwards to get her out of the blast zone just as Nightingale depressed the trigger on the tanks main cannon.
A heartbeat later the tank shell fired and hit Aurelia dead on with its explosive payload, the shell shook the building around it dangerously as an eruption of smoke and dust billowed out of the ruined building. Nightingale knew that a trick like that would be more than enough to kill an ordinary marine or one clad in Terminator Armor, yet they knew better than to count a Primarch out like that, especially one with psychic and demonic tricks. The infiltrator got up from their seat in the Rhino in seconds to begin a full evacuation of the tank before Aurelia could recover. But they were far too slow and the tank began to shake and shudder around them. They felt gravity begin to give way around them when the Rhino began to shake violently around them while it was slowly lifted into the air by Aurelia’s psychic might.
The dust and ember filled cloud cleared to reveal Aurelia entirely unharmed with crackling psychic energy weaving around them while they covered the tank’s outer shell in their telekinetic grip. Bringing her hands together Aurelia began to slowly crush the tank in her grip like it was an empty can. Nightingale was hopeless to remain on their feet as they were thrown back and forth, unable to keep their footing while they tumbled back and forward before slamming their head into the cockpit of the tank, their vision grew blurrier by the second as they felt blood trickle down their brow. The metal of the tank began buckling inwards and crushed Nightingale’s left arm under the destroyed control panel. The semi-conscious Infiltrator growled in pain as they snapped back to reality and began to brainstorm wildly about how to get out of the tank.
Nightingale swore and used their one good arm to reach for the power sword at their hip, trying to draw it forth so they could cut themselves free of the metal vice before it became their coffin. Though the pain of the tank twisting and crushing their arm stopped any further struggle. Aurelia let loose a wild laugh before she looked up as her attention was drawn to something. A black clad figure fast approaching down on her with silent wings of metal, flame, and shadow. Legs extended, the Raven Queen slammed both of her booted feet directly into the Urizen’s face to send her flying back into the nearly wrecked building with the force of a wrathful storm. The tank fell from Aurelia’s psychic grasp as it slammed into the ground, Nightingale gritted their teeth so as to not yell out in pain knowing that it’d distract Corvess from her duty to hear them in pain.
The destroyed building began shaking violently from the impact and began to give way around the two Primarchs. Corvess weaved into shadow once more becoming bodiless once again as they disappeared before Aurelia’s eyes. The Urizen was far too stunned with the massive head trauma she’d just sustained and could only begin to crawl to their feet when a quiet barely audible slice cut through the last support beams of the building. Corvess watched as the building began to tumble down on top of Aurelia burying her under a metric ton of rockcrete and steel. She knew despite her sister Aurelia being the weakest of the Primarchs that she was never going to be a pushover. She knew it wouldn’t be easy at all to kill her, yet thanks to Nightingale’s distraction Corvess had gotten the upper hand.
The Raven Queen looked back to the smashed tank and felt her gauntleted hands tighten into fists and her hearts to beat with uncertainty. Nightingale hadn’t escaped the tank in time, otherwise she’d have seen her Songbird amongst the still standing ruins or scrapped tanks. No…they were trapped in the tank and possibly injured, yet Corvess still had her duty to attend to by slaying Aurelia and denying the Word Bearers this world. Gritting her teeth Corvess turned back to the rubble pile only to see a bright portal open up and Aurelia throw off a massive slab of building off of herself. She was covering her smashed face with one gauntleted hand as it dripped the brightly colored red blood all transhuman’s bled. The Urizen glowered up at her sister hatefully before stepping into the portal as it shut behind the fallen Primarch.
Corvess just growled in frustration, she’d been so close again…only for the cowardly Word Bearers to always employ their warp sorcery to run when the fight started to turn against them. “Don’t worry sister, I have eternity to hunt you down. Whether it be today or tomorrow it will make no difference to me.” The Shadowed Lady whispered under her breath while staring up at the smoke filled sky. Then Corvess looked back to the tank and began to silently walk towards it, her battle plate entirely noiseless as the Raven Queen felt those pangs of uncertainty in her hearts again. ‘How will they react when they see what I’ve become?’ ‘How will they resent me after leaving them alone for all these years?’ ‘Will my sons even believe I have returned after 10,000 years of absence?’ ‘What will I even say to them?’ These questions and more ran through Corvess’s mind quicker than a blink as her Primarch mind took in all the information in a second. She shook her head, she’d deal with that later. Right now the person she loved needed her more than anything, she also sensed they’d need to have a much needed conversation.
Nightingale felt the pressure alleviate off of their crushed arm as a large set of arms peeled the metal back. The infiltrator felt arms hauling them up as well, the barely conscious human opening their eyes to withhold a beautiful sight. She had the palest features hewn out of softest marble, her face was set in a grimly determined mask of duty, her black eyes shining like polished onyx orbs. Light danced across them and shined with the radiance of distant stars in the night sky. Nightingale felt themselves swallowing back words, emotions, and dread when she looked down upon their form. “I must look like a dreadful sight.” The operative said with a slight tinge of humor in their voice, though they found it shaking with nerves.
“No, other than the dust and broken arm you look fine my Songbird.” Corvess said, her mask of dark duty beginning to slowly melt from her face.
Nightingale felt their breath catch in their chest, it’d been so long since they’d heard those soft and gentle tones of the Raven Queen. So long since they felt comfort or warmth from anything since she’d left for parts unknown. “You always know what to say…to make my hearts beat like a youth in the Schola.” They felt their throat getting tighter with the nerves of it all, the questions wanted to come flowing forth all of the pent up emotion inside of the mortal infiltrator needed an outlet now that she was back. Yet when Nightingale tried to to reach for any questions to ask their dearest Raven Queen only one thing came to mind. “Are you well, my love?” They asked in Corspake the sign language of the Raven Guard. With the broken arm it was a slow and labor filled process, but one that needed to be communicated when words would not come to Nightingale’s mouth.
Corvess stopped walking for a moment and looked down to her Songbird and gently smiled. The Shadowed Lady felt herself smile for the first time in 10 millennia, a warm and soft smile that barely upturned her dark lips, one that would have been unnoticeable to the untrained eye. Nightingale saw it though and that smile was all they needed to see. “As well as I can be my songbird.” She replied in Corspake. “I’m sorry, for leaving you like this. For all these millennia, they’ve been hard upon you, and they’ve been hard upon my sons. I know this, I’ve been watching you all when I can. Your continued duty is still being done for the good of the Imperium of Man.” Corvess said softly in that tone of hers barely above a whisper.
Nightingale just drank it in and sighed softly after laying in her arms in silence. “But, where did you go? What kind of power let you transform in such a way? Why didn’t you come back sooner-?” A gentle armored finger was placed against Nightingale’s lips to stop any further questioning.
Corvess’s eyes looked down and gently shook her head. “Now isn’t the time for questions like that my Songbird. I’ll have plenty of time to explain that later. For now let us just enjoy the silence in each other’s company as we did back on Deliverance.”
Nightingale saw pain in her eyes now and wisely shut their mouth, preferring instead to lay their head against Corvess’s broad power armored bulk. Breathing deeply they began to alleviate the dull throbbing pain of their broken arm through the clearing of their mind and focusing on the soft rhythmic footsteps of Corvess Corax. The first moment of peace the two had truly shared since the Great Heresy 10,000 years ago now. Had it really been that long? 10,000 years of them not seeing one another? It’d only felt like a few weeks since Nightingale had said their silent goodbyes to Corvess as she boarded a shuttle to head towards the ends of space to hunt the traitors alone for attonement of past crimes. That was the last time Nightingale had ever thought towards the future, for 10,000 years they’d only thought about the mission at hand and the overall task of finding Corvess again. The black clad woman and the smaller mortal in her arms just sat in silence for a long while as she walked while the infiltrator began to think.
Nightingale’s thoughts looked towards the future of things. Seeing their Primarch returned would reinvigorate the Raven Guard and their successor chapters while bringing more hope back to the beleaguered Imperium of Man. A third returned Primarch would be one of the greatest boons for all. A hidden dagger for the enemies of the Imperium to fall before they’d even reached the Imperium’s doorsteps. Nightingale felt their deep thoughts break apart however when they felt themselves being set down by Corvess on a piece of rubble.
“I must leave you now. My duty is still undone and my wayward sister’s plans are yet to be unraveled.” Corvess began to turn around when they felt a hand close around theirs.
“I know you have to leave…but when will I see you again?” Nightingale asked, pain evidently clear in their voice.
Corvess felt an icy grip close around her hearts as she turned around to her Songbird. “Why…why would you want to see someone like me again? I abandoned you to chase my sister’s across the galaxy and further. I left the Imperium to its fate all to pursue my selfish personal vengeance. I’ve embraced what I was meant to be and I’m now less human than I already was. How can you still love a creature of shadow like me?!” Corvess asked, the long held emotions held back by a mental dam that was about to break. Yet all Corvess felt was Nightingale wrapping their one good arm around her in a quiet and warm embrace.
“Because you’re the woman I chose to love, no matter what.” Nightingale said simply, their hug only growing tighter.
Corvess was stunned now, her logical mind long lost amidst the emotional turmoil that’d bubbled to the surface after millennia of isolation and loneliness. The Raven Queen gently returned the hug, a single tear falling out of her black eye while the two exchanged a long awaited embrace.
After what felt like an eternity the two finally separated and Corvess looked down at Nightingale. “My Songbird. I’d hate to ask you to wait, but.” She choked back the pain in her voice and refixed her mask of duty onto her procelain features. “My duty is still not done, they’re still out there my traitorous sisters. I must take them down. For the good of the galaxy.” Corvess said softly, only to look down at Nightingale who was standing up on a piece of rubble to be head height with the Shadowed Lady. Looking her in the eyes now the stealthy infiltrator brought the Raven Queen in for a soft kiss under the setting sun. It was only an instant, a brief and tender moment between the two. Yet it said more than any words could say.
Corvess just nodded in agreement and held Nightingale’s hand one last time. “Until I see you again my love.” She said gently.
“May shadow hide your steps Corvess.” Nightingale replied to the Raven Queen lovingly.
Corvess turned around and in a blink she was gone into the darkness of the night. The only thing that remained of the Raven Queen was a single long black feather floating to the ground. With their one good hand Nightingale picked it up and began to head back to the Raven Guards main line camp with the feather twirling between their fingers. They’d need to give a detailed report to chapter command, get their arm fixed, and figure out what was next in the wider planetary war. Unknown to the infiltrator they were smiling despite all the upcoming work they’d have to do, smiling that after so many years they knew their Raven Queen still lived, that they’d finally found her. Now, all they needed to do was be patient and she would return. Return and be found Once More.
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Nightingale surveyed the torn apart battlefield with their infrared goggles and binoculars for any survivors that might have held on until now. A fleeting pass time the cloaked figure did to update casualty reports, recover wargear important to the Imperial’s effort, and bring any memorabilia back to those waiting. Nightingale was however on a mission of utmost importance for the Raven Guard and that was to work with the other infiltration and scout teams sent out to survey and record any data or troop movements of the Word Bearers chapter that had come to this world to raze it to the ground. Nightingale was only ever awoken for dangerous and important operations like this. Dark Apostles and howling demonic creatures were seen in greater numbers than ever before amidst the large amount of Word Bearers. This had all the makings of a major Sector wide conflict that was to begin on this world and Nightingale wasn’t going to allow that to happen.
Suddenly Nightingale’s eyes perked up as they saw something on the thermal imaging of their goggles. A figure larger than any Space Marine, even one in terminator armor coming directly towards their position. A flash of fear overtook Nightingale and made them move with the tuned reflexes of a well trained infiltrator as they began to weave into a destroyed building. Yet before they could move deeper in Nightingale felt a telekinetic grip seize upon their chest and slam them into the side of a destroyed ash covered building. Nightingale felt their breath explode out of their lungs and spit coat the inside of the mask they always wore to cover their face. One goggle cracked and popped off from the force of the push to expose a focused and cold green eye that quickly met a pair of goatlike red eyes. A perfect smile crested the large figures face, her features were twisted far from the soft and warm glow she’d always presented during the Great Crusade, her Golden Tattoos written in Colchisian script were replaced with blasphemous and hateful script of an indecipherable maddening nature. “Looking for your lost Raven, Songbird?” Aurelia the Urizen asked in a prim and proper voice oozing with liquid gold. Yet any attempt for such honeyed words to elicit any response from the pinned figure was met with grunts of struggle.
“Oh don’t struggle so my dear friend, after all we wouldn’t want Corvess to be upset that I look like I’m causing you any discomfort now.” Her mocking tone gives way to show just how arrogant she’d truly become in the last 10,000 years. Nightingale wanted to spit venom at her, but knew that it would only fall on the deaf ears of this traitor. “Do you wish to know where she is? We’ve had the pleasure of meeting her and I over the last 10,000 years that you’ve been asleep and Corvess has been quite the frequent visitor to my realm. Our darling Raven Queen and myself have grown closer than ever now even since Isstvan 5.” Her words make the figure reach faster than a mortal could catch to a hip holster containing a plasma pistol. The bright ball of star fire exits the weapon and slams into Aurelia, though a telekine shield absorbs the blow distracting her for but a heartbeat. A distraction Nightingale used to hit a distress beacon in their toolbelt, broadcasting a radio signal that could be picked up on the Raven Guard’s channels and in their MK.6 Corvus Pattern helmets.
“You know striking out at your ‘Sister-in-law’ is most unkind. Then again I’d expect nothing less from a droll and unenlightened soul like yourself. Whatever Corvess saw in you, I will never see and she should have left you on your backwater homeworld where you belonged as the fool you are.” Her words didn’t even reach Nightingale, their attention was drawn to the jutting pieces of rebar, bent tank barrels, and other perches around the twisted and destroyed city turned battleground. An odd sight began to appear around the supposedly dead industrial center of this world, a murder of Ravens had appeared, each of them red eyed and subtly different to the Terran Avian. All of them had sharper metallic sheened beaks, razor like feathers, and they all turned a burning and hateful gaze towards Aurelia.
The Urizen’s attention was drawn to the gathering birds with a smile on her face as she hefted her Power Maul ‘Illuminarum’ high into the air to bring it down on the restrained Nightingale. “Such a shame you couldn’t see your Raven Queen one last time, though she’ll have to settle for your corrupted corpse when I lay it at her feet.” Nightingale prepared for death to come, the Maul to drop and their head to be pulverized without another word, their eyes however drew up to a larger raven traditionally Terran Raven from the other far more demonic ravens perched around. ‘Lenore…you are still with us.’ Nightingale thought to themselves as they smiled one last time and saw the mace swing down.
Yet death did not come, all they could hear now was the sharp screech of metal upon metal that erupted out of the ashen silence filling the air with sparking noise of metal and power fields meeting. Nightingale opened their eyes and beheld some kind of creature made of purest inky black, numerous large red avian eyes opened up throughout the entire pool of standing darkness itself as if to drink in its surroundings of all the meager light that dared shine on it. The eyes focused on Nightingale and Aurelia both, they glowed with hatred towards the Urizen, an old burning hatred that blazed into an inferno as the two large figures clashed. The eyes focusing on Nightingale didn’t have that innate malice in them though, they looked at their body and then they met that one exposed green eye. A spark of what could only be recognition lit up in them and the shadowy figure pushed Aurelia back with a swift boot of smoking shadow. With a growl Aurelia was sent back as the shadows took up a far more recognizable form, one which made Nightingale's twin hearts skip several irregular beats. A mouth that hadn’t spoken in 10,000 years finally opened and a voice uttered one name that hadn’t been spoken since their disappearance millenia ago. “Corvess.” Nightingale’s disused voice breathed out the words in a rapsy gasp. Raspy as it was, it carried all the weight and hollowness that the figure had felt since their Raven Queen’s disappearance, the longing to see her once more having driven an ice cold stake through Nightingale’s heart.
Jet black eyes like that of an empty void looked at Nightingale, softly drifting ash winds swept her longer black hair against her porcelain white features. Her face set into a marbled stare of perfection, like a statue had been brought to life by the Galaxies most skilled artisans. Yet the eyes and mouth moved unlike any statue Nightingale had ever seen and twisted into a face of cold rage. The voice echoing from her perfect lips speaking in a tone that Nightingale had almost forgotten. Yet each word from her reinvigorated their spirit and filled their 2 hearts with new life and purpose. “Did you think you’d be able to escape my talons Aurelia? I said I would hunt you down and take my revenge upon you for your betrayal…” Corvess said coldly.
Aurelia just laughed and raised Illuminarum high, her eyes blazing with witch fire as her psyker powers erupted from her demonic connection to the warp. “Bold of you Sister to think you’d be able to slay me.” Nightingale felt their body drop to the ground while the corrupted Primarch began focusing their psychic might on the black clad Raven Queen. Corvess looked back to Nightingale and tilted her head the slightest bit, the gesture showing the consort to the Lady of Ravens all they needed to know. This was not a duel for mortals to get in between, Demi Gods that could tear earth and sky asunder was about to take place and no one would want to be in the middle of it all. Corvess lunged at Aurelia, sweeping aside the downward swings of her corrupted sister’s power maul with one of her lightning claws. The second claw thrusted forward only for Aurelia to chuckle mirthfully as a twist of her foot sent the haft of her maul into the claw’s path.
The two primarch’s began to dance back and forth, faster than any mortal or gene enhanced eye could follow. Nightingale still tried to keep pace though and felt their head spin when all they caught was a brutal kick from Aurelia to Corvess’s side sending the Raven Queen into a concrete pillar. Aurelia pulled the cracked pillar down attempting to batter her sister with it, Corvess sliced it in half as it came on and rolled to the side when the Urizen slammed her mace into the pillar’s path to catch the swung arm. Claw and Mace scraped together in the ring of steel and sparking power fields, neither Primarch seeming to gain an advantage on the other while their blindingly fast duel continued.
Nightingale climbed out of the quickly crumbling building with all the athleticism and acrobatics their gene enhanced body was gifted with. The destroyed building entrance glowed faintly with the flickering remains of sunlight still shining through the layer of ash in the city as Nightingale ran towards it. They sprinted out of the entrance just in time for an explosion of dust and debris to come rocketing out with the force of a Krak missile. Nightingale spun around and saw Corvess standing tall, her black hair hanging around her in a messy mop looking as unkempt and disheveled as she had been when they’d last seen one another. Yet those solid black eyes of hers were clear, clean and serene with the certainty of purpose Songbird had never seen before even during the Great Heresy.
Out of the dust though a bolt of warp lightning burst forth with the smell of sickening ozone. Corvess was already dodging, weaving aside into the shadows of fallen rubble. It was always something to see when the Raven Queen called upon her innate abilities to become one with the shadow, like a swimmer diving into a pool with the greatest of ease. Yet now Nightingale saw it was something more, she didn’t just meld into shadow like she had always done before, it was more like she became one with shadow itself. Multiple bolts of warp lightning were hurled at the destroyed buildings walls and blasted them outwards to further shake the building. Aurelia growled in frustration, unable to find her black clad sister in the dust and smoke despite her demonically and gene enhanced senses.
Nightingale knew better than to just stand around, even as they knew Corvess wouldn’t appreciate any interloper coming between this fated meeting of two Primarch’s. Still despite the Raven Queen’s naysaying her Songbird wasn’t about to let her fight alone, not when they’d just gotten her back. No, something had to be done or reinforcements would have to be summoned in the least. Nightingale looked down and groaned in dismay to see their vox haler was broken beyond repair thanks to the psychic grip of Aurelia.
Fortune however seemed to smile on this mortal today as they spotted a broken down Rhino transport tank of the Raven Guard’s 3rd Company ‘Ghoststalkers.’ A smile crept across Nightingale’s lips as they ran into the tank seeing that it’s primary weapon was still intact. The infiltrator took a deep breath as their one remaining goggle began to scan over the damaged circuitry of the vehicle, sturdy as Astartes tanks were, Nightingale hoped that the machine spirit would grant one last request before the machine spirit was permanently silenced. Their black gloved fingers began hitting activation runes on the control panel, sparks flew up and down the circuitry as the Machine Spirit began to hum into life again. “Come on…” Nightingale whispered while they turned on the outer camera to try and begin the firing sequence and line up a shot.
The shadows coalesced again in a cloud of blades and metal beaks which began to peck at the demonically corrupted Primarch and slice ever more at the building around them. Rockcrete and steel were cleanly cut through by the shadow as the building began to shake more around them. Materializing fully once more Corvess and Aurelia matched each other blow for blow, psychic might meeting peerless skill while the two sister’s glared with perfect hatred into each other’s eyes. “When I’m through with you, your pathetic chapter, and your darling little Songbird will know terror beyond belief before I feed them to the warp.” Aurelia sneered as she tried to bring the unbalance of emotion into Corvess’s mind. Yet the Shadowed Lady fought coldly and without emotion despite Aurelia’s pithy barbs. “Save your idle talk for your fallen sons and followers. They’re more akin to listen and follow along with your blasphemous sermons.” Corvess slammed her boot into Aurelia’s leg to bend her low.
The mighty power armor of the Urizen buckled for a moment while Corvess raised her lightning claws dripping with shadow up to impale her sister. Suddenly the Dark Ladies ears perked up when she heard Nightingale activating the high pitched shriek of their distress signal to draw the Raven Queen’s attention. Corvess didn’t even look back as she brought a knee into Aurelia’s nose and shattered it with a sickening crunch of cartilage and sinew to stun her. Spreading her metal wings her jetpack silently roared into life and boosted upwards to get her out of the blast zone just as Nightingale depressed the trigger on the tanks main cannon.
A heartbeat later the tank shell fired and hit Aurelia dead on with its explosive payload, the shell shook the building around it dangerously as an eruption of smoke and dust billowed out of the ruined building. Nightingale knew that a trick like that would be more than enough to kill an ordinary marine or one clad in Terminator Armor, yet they knew better than to count a Primarch out like that, especially one with psychic and demonic tricks. The infiltrator got up from their seat in the Rhino in seconds to begin a full evacuation of the tank before Aurelia could recover. But they were far too slow and the tank began to shake and shudder around them. They felt gravity begin to give way around them when the Rhino began to shake violently around them while it was slowly lifted into the air by Aurelia’s psychic might.
The dust and ember filled cloud cleared to reveal Aurelia entirely unharmed with crackling psychic energy weaving around them while they covered the tank’s outer shell in their telekinetic grip. Bringing her hands together Aurelia began to slowly crush the tank in her grip like it was an empty can. Nightingale was hopeless to remain on their feet as they were thrown back and forth, unable to keep their footing while they tumbled back and forward before slamming their head into the cockpit of the tank, their vision grew blurrier by the second as they felt blood trickle down their brow. The metal of the tank began buckling inwards and crushed Nightingale’s left arm under the destroyed control panel. The semi-conscious Infiltrator growled in pain as they snapped back to reality and began to brainstorm wildly about how to get out of the tank.
Nightingale swore and used their one good arm to reach for the power sword at their hip, trying to draw it forth so they could cut themselves free of the metal vice before it became their coffin. Though the pain of the tank twisting and crushing their arm stopped any further struggle. Aurelia let loose a wild laugh before she looked up as her attention was drawn to something. A black clad figure fast approaching down on her with silent wings of metal, flame, and shadow. Legs extended, the Raven Queen slammed both of her booted feet directly into the Urizen’s face to send her flying back into the nearly wrecked building with the force of a wrathful storm. The tank fell from Aurelia’s psychic grasp as it slammed into the ground, Nightingale gritted their teeth so as to not yell out in pain knowing that it’d distract Corvess from her duty to hear them in pain.
The destroyed building began shaking violently from the impact and began to give way around the two Primarchs. Corvess weaved into shadow once more becoming bodiless once again as they disappeared before Aurelia’s eyes. The Urizen was far too stunned with the massive head trauma she’d just sustained and could only begin to crawl to their feet when a quiet barely audible slice cut through the last support beams of the building. Corvess watched as the building began to tumble down on top of Aurelia burying her under a metric ton of rockcrete and steel. She knew despite her sister Aurelia being the weakest of the Primarchs that she was never going to be a pushover. She knew it wouldn’t be easy at all to kill her, yet thanks to Nightingale’s distraction Corvess had gotten the upper hand.
The Raven Queen looked back to the smashed tank and felt her gauntleted hands tighten into fists and her hearts to beat with uncertainty. Nightingale hadn’t escaped the tank in time, otherwise she’d have seen her Songbird amongst the still standing ruins or scrapped tanks. No…they were trapped in the tank and possibly injured, yet Corvess still had her duty to attend to by slaying Aurelia and denying the Word Bearers this world. Gritting her teeth Corvess turned back to the rubble pile only to see a bright portal open up and Aurelia throw off a massive slab of building off of herself. She was covering her smashed face with one gauntleted hand as it dripped the brightly colored red blood all transhuman’s bled. The Urizen glowered up at her sister hatefully before stepping into the portal as it shut behind the fallen Primarch.
Corvess just growled in frustration, she’d been so close again…only for the cowardly Word Bearers to always employ their warp sorcery to run when the fight started to turn against them. “Don’t worry sister, I have eternity to hunt you down. Whether it be today or tomorrow it will make no difference to me.” The Shadowed Lady whispered under her breath while staring up at the smoke filled sky. Then Corvess looked back to the tank and began to silently walk towards it, her battle plate entirely noiseless as the Raven Queen felt those pangs of uncertainty in her hearts again. ‘How will they react when they see what I’ve become?’ ‘How will they resent me after leaving them alone for all these years?’ ‘Will my sons even believe I have returned after 10,000 years of absence?’ ‘What will I even say to them?’ These questions and more ran through Corvess’s mind quicker than a blink as her Primarch mind took in all the information in a second. She shook her head, she’d deal with that later. Right now the person she loved needed her more than anything, she also sensed they’d need to have a much needed conversation.
Nightingale felt the pressure alleviate off of their crushed arm as a large set of arms peeled the metal back. The infiltrator felt arms hauling them up as well, the barely conscious human opening their eyes to withhold a beautiful sight. She had the palest features hewn out of softest marble, her face was set in a grimly determined mask of duty, her black eyes shining like polished onyx orbs. Light danced across them and shined with the radiance of distant stars in the night sky. Nightingale felt themselves swallowing back words, emotions, and dread when she looked down upon their form. “I must look like a dreadful sight.” The operative said with a slight tinge of humor in their voice, though they found it shaking with nerves.
“No, other than the dust and broken arm you look fine my Songbird.” Corvess said, her mask of dark duty beginning to slowly melt from her face.
Nightingale felt their breath catch in their chest, it’d been so long since they’d heard those soft and gentle tones of the Raven Queen. So long since they felt comfort or warmth from anything since she’d left for parts unknown. “You always know what to say…to make my hearts beat like a youth in the Schola.” They felt their throat getting tighter with the nerves of it all, the questions wanted to come flowing forth all of the pent up emotion inside of the mortal infiltrator needed an outlet now that she was back. Yet when Nightingale tried to to reach for any questions to ask their dearest Raven Queen only one thing came to mind. “Are you well, my love?” They asked in Corspake the sign language of the Raven Guard. With the broken arm it was a slow and labor filled process, but one that needed to be communicated when words would not come to Nightingale’s mouth.
Corvess stopped walking for a moment and looked down to her Songbird and gently smiled. The Shadowed Lady felt herself smile for the first time in 10 millennia, a warm and soft smile that barely upturned her dark lips, one that would have been unnoticeable to the untrained eye. Nightingale saw it though and that smile was all they needed to see. “As well as I can be my songbird.” She replied in Corspake. “I’m sorry, for leaving you like this. For all these millennia, they’ve been hard upon you, and they’ve been hard upon my sons. I know this, I’ve been watching you all when I can. Your continued duty is still being done for the good of the Imperium of Man.” Corvess said softly in that tone of hers barely above a whisper.
Nightingale just drank it in and sighed softly after laying in her arms in silence. “But, where did you go? What kind of power let you transform in such a way? Why didn’t you come back sooner-?” A gentle armored finger was placed against Nightingale’s lips to stop any further questioning.
Corvess’s eyes looked down and gently shook her head. “Now isn’t the time for questions like that my Songbird. I’ll have plenty of time to explain that later. For now let us just enjoy the silence in each other’s company as we did back on Deliverance.”
Nightingale saw pain in her eyes now and wisely shut their mouth, preferring instead to lay their head against Corvess’s broad power armored bulk. Breathing deeply they began to alleviate the dull throbbing pain of their broken arm through the clearing of their mind and focusing on the soft rhythmic footsteps of Corvess Corax. The first moment of peace the two had truly shared since the Great Heresy 10,000 years ago now. Had it really been that long? 10,000 years of them not seeing one another? It’d only felt like a few weeks since Nightingale had said their silent goodbyes to Corvess as she boarded a shuttle to head towards the ends of space to hunt the traitors alone for attonement of past crimes. That was the last time Nightingale had ever thought towards the future, for 10,000 years they’d only thought about the mission at hand and the overall task of finding Corvess again. The black clad woman and the smaller mortal in her arms just sat in silence for a long while as she walked while the infiltrator began to think.
Nightingale’s thoughts looked towards the future of things. Seeing their Primarch returned would reinvigorate the Raven Guard and their successor chapters while bringing more hope back to the beleaguered Imperium of Man. A third returned Primarch would be one of the greatest boons for all. A hidden dagger for the enemies of the Imperium to fall before they’d even reached the Imperium’s doorsteps. Nightingale felt their deep thoughts break apart however when they felt themselves being set down by Corvess on a piece of rubble.
“I must leave you now. My duty is still undone and my wayward sister’s plans are yet to be unraveled.” Corvess began to turn around when they felt a hand close around theirs.
“I know you have to leave…but when will I see you again?” Nightingale asked, pain evidently clear in their voice.
Corvess felt an icy grip close around her hearts as she turned around to her Songbird. “Why…why would you want to see someone like me again? I abandoned you to chase my sister’s across the galaxy and further. I left the Imperium to its fate all to pursue my selfish personal vengeance. I’ve embraced what I was meant to be and I’m now less human than I already was. How can you still love a creature of shadow like me?!” Corvess asked, the long held emotions held back by a mental dam that was about to break. Yet all Corvess felt was Nightingale wrapping their one good arm around her in a quiet and warm embrace.
“Because you’re the woman I chose to love, no matter what.” Nightingale said simply, their hug only growing tighter.
Corvess was stunned now, her logical mind long lost amidst the emotional turmoil that’d bubbled to the surface after millennia of isolation and loneliness. The Raven Queen gently returned the hug, a single tear falling out of her black eye while the two exchanged a long awaited embrace.
After what felt like an eternity the two finally separated and Corvess looked down at Nightingale. “My Songbird. I’d hate to ask you to wait, but.” She choked back the pain in her voice and refixed her mask of duty onto her procelain features. “My duty is still not done, they’re still out there my traitorous sisters. I must take them down. For the good of the galaxy.” Corvess said softly, only to look down at Nightingale who was standing up on a piece of rubble to be head height with the Shadowed Lady. Looking her in the eyes now the stealthy infiltrator brought the Raven Queen in for a soft kiss under the setting sun. It was only an instant, a brief and tender moment between the two. Yet it said more than any words could say.
Corvess just nodded in agreement and held Nightingale’s hand one last time. “Until I see you again my love.” She said gently.
“May shadow hide your steps Corvess.” Nightingale replied to the Raven Queen lovingly.
Corvess turned around and in a blink she was gone into the darkness of the night. The only thing that remained of the Raven Queen was a single long black feather floating to the ground. With their one good hand Nightingale picked it up and began to head back to the Raven Guards main line camp with the feather twirling between their fingers. They’d need to give a detailed report to chapter command, get their arm fixed, and figure out what was next in the wider planetary war. Unknown to the infiltrator they were smiling despite all the upcoming work they’d have to do, smiling that after so many years they knew their Raven Queen still lived, that they’d finally found her. Now, all they needed to do was be patient and she would return. Return and be found Once More.
2024.05.30 05:11 CdzNtz330 This is a true story
 | They use airplanes as a transmitter of some sort , from maybe A satelitte? Then sent to any L.E D. Streetlight. as a high powered invisible beam to burn/maim You can hear it buzz . Ah God it sounded like a fly hitting an electric fly catcher on a bigger scale submitted by CdzNtz330 to TargetedSolutions [link] [comments] See how uniform those burns are on my Faraday sweater? The other images are the interior sleeves made of silver threaded fabric all BURNED. It used to be shiny when I bought it 2 weeks ago That was done from the air through my car window while driving as I past a streetlamp last night This all sounds insane. Because it is Buy buy buy faraday clothing It will buy you time if ever under attack. Hats blankets caps etc. NONE of This is a joke NOR. "Delusion" Id bet some of those people who recently died suddenly Could be victims If you think youre under attack, Check flight patterns on Flighttracker app and you can see any planes history. Cross check irregular flight paths here's 2 examples of a particular flights history to the same destination Notice the off course They essentially use a victims phone signal against them, especially geolocation This is how I've been attacked which you can see in the other images. After checking my attacking flights past history,I found the anomaly.. image 10 and all those planes. It looks like a whirlpool of death. Because that's what it essentially is. Cooking me low and slow like a pig Red circle in images was my dwelling while this all happened How i figured it out wad one day I Felt the zaps and realized the connection when I heard a low flying plane simultaneously while being zapped. |
2024.05.30 04:10 Megbutworse What to expect with second implant
Hi all. I got my first implant in September of 2021. It was due to be replaced in September of this year, but I ended up deciding to get it replaced early as I have anxiety around medical procedures and I figured that I'd rather get it replaced now and not have to think about it for another 3 years. I got my old one removed and a new one out in at the same appointment earlier today. I had quite a lovely experience at the appointment honestly, my boyfriend came with me for moral support and my doctor was amazing about making sure I was comfortable and not in any pain, honestly a 10/10 experience lol, my only complaint is that the site is hella itchy now but all my research suggests this is normal and will sort itself out soon. I'm here to ask some probably silly questions as I'm not sure what to expect with a second nexplanon. Apologies for any formatting issues, I'm on mobile.
When I got my first implant in 2021, my periods stopped for roughly half a year, then came back pretty regular until around the end of 2022 to beginning of 2023. I believe I posted about it here before, basically my periods were just random, out of wack and annoyingly irregular. This time around, should I expect similar symptoms as my body adjusts to the hormones or will everything just continue how they've been recently since my body has already had this birth control in it before?
Also, I know that when you get the implant the first time round you have to wait a week to become sexually active again unless you were on your period when you got it put in as the hormones need time to settle. Will this be the same with the second? I was not on my period when I got this second implant and I will likely wait a week to do anything anyway as my arm is quite tender and I'd rather be safe, but I thought I'd ask out of curiosity
Thanks in advance for any help, y'all are really lovely here
submitted by Megbutworse to Nexplanon [link] [comments]
When I got my first implant in 2021, my periods stopped for roughly half a year, then came back pretty regular until around the end of 2022 to beginning of 2023. I believe I posted about it here before, basically my periods were just random, out of wack and annoyingly irregular. This time around, should I expect similar symptoms as my body adjusts to the hormones or will everything just continue how they've been recently since my body has already had this birth control in it before?
Also, I know that when you get the implant the first time round you have to wait a week to become sexually active again unless you were on your period when you got it put in as the hormones need time to settle. Will this be the same with the second? I was not on my period when I got this second implant and I will likely wait a week to do anything anyway as my arm is quite tender and I'd rather be safe, but I thought I'd ask out of curiosity
Thanks in advance for any help, y'all are really lovely here