I know myself, and more of the situation with him than the one-sided condensed bits I share here. I would have regretted not responding, constantly wondering "what if?"
It's a bit long, but context! Besides.. don't you want the satisfaction of saying, "Told ya so?"
It took him 40 days to respond, as the last thing I said was, "The thought of you is painful to me now." He simply said he didn't know how to respond. That he thought of me often, but didn't want to hurt me.
We first met at an impromptu rave in the parking lot of a local nude beach, and that's where he suggested day of—unnecessarily attached receipts 👆🏾 show my response. Pleased me knowing he spent the night before, day of, and drove an hour 80 miles from home anticipating to hang out with me naked.. just to be denied such pleasure. He didn't wait for sunset, so I cut his time short too.
He noted I was reserved. He was like a puppy. We caught up, then I grilled him for nearly 2 hours, called him selfish and said things like, "I was good until I met you ... Is your hesitation because I'm trans? Not as affluent as your ex? ... Last thing I said was the thought of you was painful. Why did you contact me? It's been 40 days. How do you think I feel? ... I'd have never reached out if you hadn't texted."
Twice I got emotional and turned away as we laid in his truck. First time he tried to spoon me and I said, "I didn't do that to cuddle." Second was harder, with him actually noticing as I reflexively curled up and he started to cry too.. so I allowed him to touch me for first time. I passed out for a bit, tired from work & emotionally spent.
I woke to him still holding me, then had him take me to dinner. Too tired to drive home, he asked if I would stay with him.. although camping had been one of our things, I initially said no. But of course I later decided to stay.
So we slept together.. but we did not have sex–we just kissed. Okay! We made out. Fully clothed, I did not allow any other touching. But I gave him a tease of that non-sexual intimacy he missed so much as I big-spooned him. It confirmed that while my body still reacts to him despite a low libido, mentally the passion is gone.
I left before sunrise for work, then later asked to FaceTime. We chatted tonight for another 90 minutes, catching up a bit, before I grilled him more, finally showing my resignation as I gave him my ultimatum before my battery died.
Oh, and of course I didn't stay up to do my hair. I totally started season 2 of Blood of Zeus while eating my Talenti gelato before promptly falling asleep.. so while neither night went according to plan, I feel unbothered and unburdened, and thoroughly satisfied.

(Not sure if this is the right subreddit. Pls point me to the right one in case this is not. Thanks!)
Currently in the planning stages of getting, what I think is, a minor home renovation project done on our home in the province. I'd like to turn the backyard into a closed, dirty kitchen/laundry area with tiles, grills, and roof. There is already a sink at the back, but electrical works need to be done (for lights, outlets).
Since it's going to be an area at the back of the house, I don't think I need to invest so much on the looks, but I am still very much willing to spend for a quality job (with quality materials) done.
My parents are telling me na "magpa karpintero ka na lang kay ganito ganyan", which seems to be common in rural areas, but I am very much aware of the risks of simply passing the job to one or two random folks without properly vetting them.
My questions so far:

1. Should I consult an architect, engineer and/or general contractor for what I assume is a small project? I'm leaning towards yes, which leads me to the next question...
   
2. Would contractor firms even be willing to take on a renovation project of this size?
   
3. If not, would it be simply more practical to just find a karpintero to take on the project for us? And agree on a fixed (pakyawan) price for labor and materials?
   
4. I did some rough calculations on costing based on the floor area to be taken up by the project. Is calculating overall project cost based on price per sqm a good baseline for a renovation project such as this? I am aware costs can easily double or triple based on a lot of factors, just planning our budget ahead.
   

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

About a week ago my mother (75 years old) called me up and asked if I would go to The Rolling Stones concert in Vegas with her. She had bought two tickets, her and my father and she told me she wanted to attend but that my dad wasn’t feeling very well. He is on oxygen when he is at home. He has COPD, a lung disease, and cannot get around much. Since it was a chance to hang with my mom a day before Mother’s Day and see the Stones I said heck yeah!!
I had already mentioned to my wife that on Mother’s Day when I return, we should grill some steak and scallops and lounge out a bit… play it by ear. My wife mentioned that grilling probably wasn’t a great idea and that the oldest of our two kids, our daughter, would be heading to Europe about an hour after we return home from Vegas the day after the concert (Sunday the 12th).
Our youngest (18 years old son) accompanied me to Vegas to stay at the relatives while my mother and I went to the Stones concert.
The next morning, Mothers Day, I woke up at my parents house, texted my wife Happy Mothers Day before even jumping out of the covers. We had a family church obligation to attend to until about noon before traveling back home to see my daughter off to the airport to Europe.
Here is where the drama begins. With all the hubbub of the concert the night before, the relatives and grandma being around, my son doesn’t text or call my wife (his mom) HMD that morning. I didn’t get a text back immediately from my wife when I texted her at about 8 am, HMD… I figured I’d let her sleep in if that’s what she wanted to do. My son and I do our church thing, my wife finally responds to my text saying that they are packing and repacking for my daughters Europe trip and that they want the packing job to be right. When we finally get home late in the afternoon, I give her the present that I bought my wife (her favorite perfume that she is nearly out of) and my son gives her his present… (a note and a Pink Yeti mug I had actually bought my wife a week ago that I hadn’t given her yet, just in case one of the kids hadn’t gotten her a gift for Mother’s Day).
Side note… My wife is very big on gifts. She is a great gift giver and anticipates good gift receiving.
When I walked in home from traveling I could also smell that she was cooking something, and there was a salad on the table. I figured she planned something she wanted to have for dinner, since I had been with my own mother since the day before and she, my wife had been with our daughter having a fun girls time, watching movies, getting a mani/pedi, having pho… THIS WAS NOT THE CASE. I got the evil eye right away. She started talking snarky to me, saying snide remarks which in turn, much to my chagrin I returned the remarks. It’s been tit for tat for the last 24 hours. She said her Mother’s Day was ruined and that it was my fault. That I should have planned the day for her. The blame is all in my court.
Ugh… I feel like every birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Christmas… whatever day that retail America says I’m obligated to spend money to buy gifts… I’m not doing a good enough job. My wife buys our kids presents for Easter for hells sake. It’s too much. I don’t want anymore of it. Keep all the stupid gifts. It’s just the act of buying a thing and giving it. Its ridiculous.
Also… Am I supposed to be doting all over my wife on Mother’s Day with palm leaves and figs? If I am, I am. I just don’t see husbands doing all the work. I see kids…. Kids rubbing their moms back and making coupons for dishwashing and various chores. Kids taking care of moms and telling them what a great job they do raising them. In the arguments up to now, she is treating me like I am responsible for her Mother’s Day happiness and pointing at me saying she didn’t get what she wanted and that she didn’t have a good time. I can see how the husbands job is to orchestrate what the kids do for the moms but if I am wrong, I am wrong.
She is a great mom and I tell her that constantly. She knows I know that. I value her. My wife and I have a great relationship 99% of the time but this silly.

First roots game coming up. Planning my son’s 10th birthday party for the June 8th game. With kids and adults we have 18 people coming. We were hoping to grill hotdogs, have a few beverages and hangout for an hour or two before the game. But I can’t seem to find any info on tailgating. So is tailgating allowed? Do people tailgate?

I'm about to move into a new place with a 500 square foot back deck that lacks any kind of shade or cover. To combat this, I'm considering installing one or two square shade sails to provide some relief from the sun while grilling or lounging outside. However, since I can't make any permanent modifications to the wooden deck or the surrounding area, I've brainstormed a temporary solution that I'd love to get your thoughts on.
My plan involves setting 4x4 wooden beams into buckets filled with cement, creating sturdy, movable bases. I would then attach heavy-duty anchors at the top of these beams to clip the corners of the shade sails onto. This setup should theoretically allow for the flexibility to move the shades around, perhaps even into the yard if needed.
I have a couple of concerns with this approach, though. My main worry is whether this setup would allow for sufficient tension on the sails to keep them taut and effective. Additionally, I'm unsure about the risk of the whole assembly getting blown over by strong winds.
I'm leaning towards shade sails as they appear to be more cost-effective than constructing a more permanent, rigid structure, which I probably can't install anyway. I would really appreciate any feedback or suggestions on how to improve this setup, or even alternative solutions that might work better.
Thanks in advance for your help!

It’s Monday and I’m looking for the right kind of vibe. I wanna chat about the dumb stuff you did today, the next adventure you’re planning, your go to gym routine, or why life is so much better when you’re not wearing pants. Let’s chop it up for a bit and see where it takes us.
I like gin, lame puns, continually snacking, watching food network and pretending I can cook, trying every flavor of Oreo, and avoiding karaoke at all costs. Toss me some music recommendations, or tell me if you think a grilled cheese or a taco would win in a fight. There is absolutely a correct answer and I will die on that hill.

I posted this story in another sub when I learned about fearful avoidant attachment. and a couple commenter's thought some behaviors sounded more like bpd. I was wondering what it's like being close to someone with bpd & if this sounds similar at all? .................................
Awhile back my friend told me her therapist said she's avoidant. I'm not sure if it's more dismissive or fearful but my guess is fearful.
We've always had a slightly tumultuous relationship. & learning she's avoidant made past things make sense. Ive known her for 10+ yrs, both girls. Sometimes we're so close & she's always called me her soul mate. Then (what feels like) out of no where she'll shut down or get distant.
Anyways she's getting married this year & I'm not sure if she wants me there or just in her feelings or what. I want to support her but am very confused.
A yearish ago she sat me down & semi friend broke up with me saying I make her feel guilty/she doesn't feel like she makes me happy etc. That I didn't have to answer now but to think about if we really make each other happy.
Then she went on a trip with her bf/family, got proposed to, accepted & when she got back asked me to pick them up from the airport. I was surprised but figured this was her quirky way of waving the white flag.
Things seemed okay between us & then she comes over to hang out one day & is in her feelings wanting drink. She ends up clinging to me, crying, telling me she doesn't want to marry her fiance, doesn't want to lose their friends/family if they break up, tells me I'm her soul mate/best friend & feels safe with me etc..
Over the following few months, when we meet up she's telling me all the reasons she doesn't want to marry him but also they're in couples therapy etc.I just listen giving her a space to vent no opinions.
Then I don't see her for a couple months & when I do she's in full wedding planning mode. Again I'm a little surprised & mention something like I'm glad they've worked things out. She just laughs, says what do you mean we were ways getting married everything's great. Like nothing ever happened. I just say congratulations & leave it at that. She asks me to be a bridesmaid, I say of course.
We go on a couple group trips my fiance & her & her fiance + some of their friends. & I can tell after the 2nd one she was withdrawing from me. So I didn't reach out to her for awhile til she did me. We hang a couple times, I thought things were OK. the 3rd time we hang out. We get into a bit of an argument.
She's grilling me about when I'm going to get married/details & I'm trying to tell her i have no details to give her & were not moving at the same pace as her and her guy.
Then she tells me again that I still make her feel guilty & doesn't enjoy when we hang out anymore. She doesnt want to be around me. But loves me & still wants me in her wedding. I'm very confused.
Now I can't help but wonder if I'm just in the wedding party cause she feels guilty/obligated.
At the same time I'm trying to remember that she feels guilty alot. She vented to me about how her fiance & different members of her family make her feel guilty. She feels guilty if she doesn't complete a to do list etc.
So i guess im wondering if this seems like her going through something avoidant related & I should wait it out/give space.

Or if she means what she says, I make her feel guilty & truly doesn't want to be around me anymore. I feel confused & like I shouldn't be in her wedding in that case.

My wife wanted to have the family over and BBQ for mothers day. I'm not an idiot so I got her a couple pieces of jewelry aswel.
I did all the invites, yard work, trash, dog poop, most of the cleaning, and the grilling. Gave her her present in private because because that's what she prefers. I don't see my family very often so it was nice to drink beers with them. Anyways it all seemed to go fine. But at the end f the night my wife pulls me aside and tell me she is upset my mom had gotten her a big pot for a tree my mom had also given her. My wife is feeling pressure to take care of this tree (we really just leave it outside). I told her I'd be happy to talk to my mom about this tree not being for us, or I could accidentally drop some salt on it (half joking). She wanted me to take care of the tree but I refused since I've always advocated for having less plans (my house is full of plants my wife brings in, I gave up trying to fight that). My mom had also bought it a thing from Sephora.
She then mentions this Amazon list she had sent months ago and starts telling me I don't listed since I didn't get things from that list. I try to tell her to look at all the work I did to make this BBQ but I guess I forgot about the wish list from forever ago.
Anyways she tells me I'm inconsiderate, don't listed, and ruined her day and now won't talk to me. I'm currently sitting by myself feeding the baby while she sleeps. I'm feeling awful, should I go get a card and some flowers? I'm hoping that might turn things around a bit.
All I've asked for father's day is a nice steak for me to cook myself, a beer, a couple hours of peace, and no pictures for those couple hours. I know most everyone dgaf about father's day but I think I can get away with this.
EDIT: Tulips did the trick. Thank you all for anything said, it made me feel better.

Hello,
I am looking into getting either the Preferred or Everyday American Express Card. I am into cash back for statement credits and not ready for a travel card just yet as I travel once maybe twice a year. I spend $1k monthly on groceries and household items as a family of 4 but a little more than half of that is spent at Walmart and Costco which I know does not qualify as cash back under either Amex options. My husband and I spend about $250-$300 monthly on gas. I do a lot of shopping online such as groceries, clothes, gifts, household items, etc so they every day card peaked my interest. I do most if not all of my gift and back to school shopping online and am planning on buying a grill online soon. However, it seems very basic too. I do like the 6% cash back for groceries up to 6k. What would be the best option?
FICO: 710 as of April. I expect this to go up this month. Cards: BOFA, two Cap 1, Walmart store card, Discover It, Ally. Income: 130k Not looking for a travel card just yet.

Here is the recap of the 15 monetized posts from Kylea G Weight loss Journey on 05/12/24.
Disclaimer: I am not a physician, influencer, or paid content creator. I am not affiliated with WW. I am semi-retired from healthcare with multiple college degrees. These opinions are my own based on social media content. I wish no harm to Kylea or Joseph "Joe" Gomez.
☎️ If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, please call or text 988 for assistance.
The tagline of Kylea G Weight loss Journey is, "I changed my life with prayer and a playlist of songs. No surgery, no meds. Just Jesus."
DAILY STATS 05/12/24:
0/15 posts discussed prayer
1/15 posts discussed music (summer concerts)
0/15 posts discussed exercise
2/15 posts shared a recipe
3/15 posts were about something she ate or drank
1/15 posts was about food being fuel
1/15 posts was a tribute to Gibson Moon
1/15 posts was about Kylea packing a backpack
1/15 posts was about her pet cat
2/15 posts were about Joe liking bacon and Whataburger
3/15 posts were a tribute to her sweet momma
📢 For our friends at Meta, that means >53% of her monetized content had nothing to do with weight loss, which is the tagline and purpose of her page.
⚠️ Disordered Eating- Daily Food Consumption (Data compiled from monetized content):
0 WW Points: Hot Coffee. No protein shake or almond milk is described
0 WW Points: SalTea Sloth Loaded Strawberry, Watermelon, and Coconut Tea with 1/4 scoop "energy" (caffeine and other additive/chemicals);
4 WW Points: G Hughes Sweet & Spicy Shredded Crockpot Chicken, Cooked Red Potatos & Roasted Corn with spray vegetable oil.
25 WW Points: Great American Iced Cookie Cake Slice
📢 For our friends at Meta, that means Kylea consumed 4 WW points of her (up to) 30 WW point daily allowance and used 25 of her 28 weekly points on a sweet treat= Disordered Eating. This will be explained in more detail below. Please follow your policies on eating disorders and take action against Kylea Gomez.
Recipes Shared for Joe:

1. Cherry Cheesecake Overnight Oats
2. Pretzel Salad

📢 Joe is not on WW and prefers calorie-dense foods (per her content). Why post recipes of items she will not eat and Joe does not prefer?
🚨 Please speak with a medical professional about any questions or concerns you have about your health.
Comments: Although Kylea tried to focus her content on Mother's Day, the focus shifted to triggering food content and deadly messaging on the topic.
⚠️ Binge Eating, Compulsive Buying Disorder (CBD), aka shopping addiction, Death, Disordered Eating, Food Addiction, Gaslighting, Grief, Pregnancy Loss, and Religion will be discussed.
☮️ Today's discussion will be heavy. Please bow out at any time. Your mental health is more important than my comments.
Gibson Moon: Kylea kicked off the day early with this triggering post (she did not use a disclaimer), "Happy Mother's day to the momma's whose babies live in heaven with my sweet boy." An angel wing ornament with Gibson Moon and 9-5-22 is shown. She did not disclose this was an early pregnancy loss, leading followers to believe she lost a living child.
Using the Cat for Content: Kylea is feeling "a lot better" and will only have 1 cup of coffee today and "continue focusing on water." 🤔
Countdown to Concerts: Kylea is excited to "wear my pink boots again" at future summer concerts and "Just 18 days until I take Joseph to see Hardy." Kylea is a master at emasculating Joe with subtle digs. "...until I take Joseph to see Hardy." Please disregard the fact she travels to California tomorrow and getting a puppy in 1 week. I'm convinced she is not capable of living in the present moment.
SalTea Sloth to the Rescue: Why drink water when you can drink thrice-flavored tea with a caffeinated "energy" boost to cure your illness? 😉 This was Joseph's gift to her for Mother's Day.
Tribute to her Sweet Momma: Kylea praises her momma in a series of posts today. A quantity of fresh flowers to equal the 3 decades of her being a mother, a giant iced cookie cake, and gift bag (unknown contents) with a backyard BBQ and a new inflatable hot tub + previous all-expense paid cruise, wardrobe, and accessories were necessary to prove her love and adoration. 💰💖
Joe Loves Bacon & Whataburger: Joe's weight rapidly fluctuated in pictures today. 👀 He was the grill master with a pile of bacon, burgers (not shown), and then goofily posed in front of the unopened Whataburger. (He will be eating there tomorrow.) Remember Joe has not gained ANY weight and eats what he wants. Kylea triggers her followers on purpose for monetary gain. The fact that Meta is paying for this content on a weight loss page is a head scratcher.
The big finale: This is the time to bow out if triggered on the topic of disordered eating. My words will be harsh.
Kylea wants you to believe she has been extremely ill with nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. She consumed a Loaded Tea and brought her own low WW point chicken to a family barbecue. She shows a picture of a large Iced Cookie Cake she purchased. She shows a large piece she eats for 25 WW points. Here we go...
Follower: "That looks good was it worth the points?"
Kylea: "I just see food as food. So it was fine. 💖"
⏸️ This is gaslighting. Kylea has a serious eating disorder. She chooses not to use her WW daily points and obsesses about planning for and obtaining her weekly calorie-dense TREAT.
Food is Fuel Speech: "Hey friends I haven't really had the energy lately to explain, but I view all food as food and not a treat. Green beans, brownies, chicken- it's all food to me. That's the way I feel has helped me the most to completely reform my relationship with food. Fuel. No matter what. 💖 It's all about balance."
Follower: "Yummmm! They got us cupcakes at work, I had to indulge."
Kylea: "I don't look at dessert in that way, to me it's just food. 💖💖"
⏸️ Kylea loves to rate her meals, desserts and treats 10/10 and wants you to mimic her choices.
Follower: "Everyone needs a sweet treat! Your awesome! Enjoy and celebrate your Mom! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️"
Kylea: "I don't use the word treat, just food! 💖💖"
⏸️ This is a lie. Throughout a large portion of her monetized weight loss journey, Kylea used the word "treat" in her content. Somewhere along the way, that word became a trigger for her.
Follower: "Good philosophy. I need to lose obsession with food as comfort and companion."
Kylea: "I did on July 5 of 2021.💖"
⏸️ This is potentially deadly messaging. Kylea wants you to believe she received divine intervention when she wept at the feet of Jesus in July 2021 inside a bath tub (she also claims she could not fit in). She wants you to believe that in that moment, the chains of her 20-year binge eating/food addiction (two separate issues she uses interchangeably) were broken, and she has had a perfect journey since. She is desperate for you to believe she has had no cravings, no setbacks, or plateaus, and has not gained ANY weight since reaching her goal in July 2023. This is a lie proven through her own content.
Many artificial sugars are sweeter than natural sugar. She is addicted to "sweet" and fulfills her cravings daily. She "plans" for calorie-dense sugar bombs weekly and tries to claim treats are medically necessary to jump-start weight loss, keep her out of ketosis, prepare her body for pregnancy...
If food is just food and it is all fuel, why do diseases and conditions like diabetes, hypertension, strokes, and heart attacks occur? Why is there an epidemic of morbid obesity? Foods are not and will never be on a level playing field. Kylea has provided no proof of formal education in medicine, nutrition, health, or wellness. Stop looking to UNeducated influencers for your health and wellness advice. Her motive is to make money. Otherwise, the stats and comments I provide in these daily and weekly recaps would tell a different story.
Kylea has gained weight, and it is obvious, even through highly modified photos. She stopped showing her scale pictures, started wearing larger clothing, spandex tank tops and shorts, became defensive about body shaming, and either hides or shows clothing tags (depending on her mood). She lives in fear of the scale and the truth.
Follower 1: "How? I'm struggling so bad."
Follower 2: "I'm struggling as well! All I think about is food."
Kylea: "finding healthy coping skills"
⏸️ In what world are extramarital affairs, mocking, blocking, and doxxing followers, an out of control shopping addiction, disordered eating, boasting and complaining about your 18+ hour work days 24/7/365, constantly running away from your problems (frequent travel), and inappropriate parasocial relationships with musicians and the Basham & Lee's healthy coping skills? Someone, please explain it to me.
Kylea, you need holistic care from a team of medical professionals. They are not the enemy. People of faith should not feel shame for seeking medical care. It is time to put your devices down and prioritize your health. ☮️
Takeout Purchase: SalTea Sloth Tea with Energy= $8 est + tip;
Shopping: Blue Hydrangea= $24.82 est; *Fresh Cut 2 Dozen Roses= $39.94 est; Iced Cookie Cake= $44.99 est; Items in gift bag= Unknown;
*I do not feel there were 36 roses in the vase.
All info from Reddit. ✌️

I put together the following weight loss plan for myself. For reference, I'm male, 36yr, 5'11, and 205 pounds. Note: I asked chatgpt for the recipe suggestions based on approved ingredients. I know they'll need some tweaking to be to my liking...
Morning Routine:
Goals: Hydration, light exposure, stretching, healthy low-carb meal, raise body temperature.
Cold Water:

• Take a cold shower. This will help your body raise its core temperature.

Hydrate & Natural Light Exposure:

• Drink a full glass of water immediately upon waking up.
• Open blinds and spend 15-20 minutes doing yoga in a sunny spot. Yoga videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7xsYgTeM2Q ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr3h5X9kmUo

Post-Yoga:

• Drink black coffee (no sugar or milk). Delay drinking coffee by 45-90 minutes after waking up.
• When commuting to work, park farther from the building for extra steps.

Breakfast Recipe Ideas:

1. Avocado and Egg Breakfast Bowl:
   • Ingredients: Avocado, eggs, bell peppers, tomatoes, spinach, garlic, olive oil.
   • Instructions: Sautee bell peppers, tomatoes, and spinach with garlic in olive oil. Serve with sliced avocado and poached eggs on top.
2. Vegetable Omelette:
   • Ingredients: Eggs, mushrooms, spinach, bell peppers, onions, cheddar cheese.
   • Instructions: Whisk eggs and pour into a heated skillet. Add chopped vegetables and cheese. Cook until eggs are set.
3. Chia Seed Pudding:
   • Ingredients: Chia seeds, full-fat yogurt, strawberries, blackberries, almond slices.
   • Instructions: Mix chia seeds with yogurt and refrigerate overnight. Top with sliced strawberries, blackberries, and almond slices before serving.

Afternoon Routine:
Goals: Light movement, healthy low-carb meal, hydrate. Lunch:

• Aim for a lunch high in protein and low in carbs.
• Take a long walk after lunch. The goal is 5k steps or approximately 30 minutes of walking.

Lunch Recipe Ideas:

1. Grilled Chicken Salad:
   • Ingredients: Grilled chicken breast, mixed greens (spinach, kale, etc.), tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, avocado, olive oil, vinegar.
   • Instructions: Grill chicken and slice. Toss mixed greens with chopped vegetables, avocado slices, and dress with olive oil and vinegar.
2. Turkey and Veggie Wrap:
   • Ingredients: Turkey slices, whole-grain wrap, spinach, bell peppers, hummus, avocado.
   • Instructions: Spread hummus on the wrap, add turkey slices, spinach, sliced bell peppers, and avocado. Roll it up and serve.
3. Eggplant and Mushroom Stir-Fry:
   • Ingredients: Eggplant, mushrooms, garlic, olive oil, soy sauce.
   • Instructions: Stir-fry sliced eggplant and mushrooms with minced garlic in olive oil. Add soy sauce for seasoning.

Snacks: almonds, watermelon, strawberries, blackberries, hard-boiled eggs, full-fat yogurt

Evening Routine:
Goals: Daily workout, healthy low-carb meal, hydration, plenty of sleep (8-9 hours).
Daily workout:

• Strive to work hard here.
• Warm up with intervals of jogging and walking for 6-8k steps.
• Bodyweight exercises. Be sure you are challenged to complete the circuit. Incorporate pushups, squats, lunges, pullups, dips, mountain climber, step up knee raises, plank, etc. Don’t slack on these.

Dinner Recipe Ideas:

1. Baked Salmon with Roasted Vegetables:
   • Ingredients: Salmon fillets, broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, olive oil, lemon.
   • Instructions: Season salmon with olive oil, lemon, salt, and pepper. Roast alongside mixed vegetables until cooked through.
2. Beef and Broccoli Stir-Fry:
   • Ingredients: Lean ground beef, broccoli, garlic, soy sauce, olive oil.
   • Instructions: Brown ground beef in olive oil, add minced garlic and broccoli florets. Stir in soy sauce and cook until broccoli is tender.
3. Grilled Chicken with Zucchini Noodles:
   • Ingredients: Chicken breast, zucchini, pesto, olive oil, pine nuts.
   • Instructions: Grill chicken breast and slice. Spiralize zucchini into noodles and toss with pesto. Serve chicken over zucchini noodles and sprinkle with pine nuts.
4. Additional Recipes: Breakfast:
   
5. Quick Veggie Scramble:
   
   • Ingredients: Eggs, spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, bell peppers, cheddar cheese, garlic, olive oil.
   • Instructions: In a skillet, sauté chopped vegetables with minced garlic in olive oil until tender. Add beaten eggs and scramble until cooked. Top with cheddar cheese before serving.
6. Greek Yogurt with Mixed Berries and Nuts:
   
   • Ingredients: Full-fat yogurt, strawberries, blackberries, almonds, walnuts.
   • Instructions: Serve yogurt topped with sliced strawberries, blackberries, crushed almonds, and walnuts for added crunch.
7. Avocado and Tomato Bowl:
   
   • Ingredients: Avocado, tomatoes, lemon, garlic, olive oil.
   • Instructions: Cube avocado and tomatoes, toss with minced garlic, lemon juice, and a drizzle of olive oil.
8. Spinach and Mushroom Omelette:
   
   • Ingredients: Eggs, spinach, mushrooms, garlic, olive oil.
   • Instructions: Cook chopped mushrooms and minced garlic in olive oil until tender. Add beaten eggs and spinach, cook until eggs are set.
9. Nutty Fruit Bowl:
   
   • Ingredients: Watermelon, cantaloupe, almonds, walnuts, lime, chili pepper.
   • Instructions: Cube watermelon and cantaloupe, serve in a bowl with crushed almonds and walnuts on top. Add lime and chili pepper for more flavor.

Lunch:

1. Tuna and Avocado Salad:
   • Ingredients: Canned tuna, avocado, spinach, tomatoes, lemon, olive oil.
   • Instructions: Mix canned tuna with diced avocado, spinach leaves, and chopped tomatoes. Dress with lemon juice and olive oil.
2. Chicken and Vegetable Stir-Fry:
   • Ingredients: Chicken breast, broccoli, bell peppers, garlic, olive oil, soy sauce.
   • Instructions: Stir-fry sliced chicken breast with chopped vegetables and minced garlic in olive oil. Season with soy sauce.
3. Eggplant and Tomato Salad:
   • Ingredients: Eggplant, tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, vinegar.
   • Instructions: Roast cubed eggplant with minced garlic in olive oil until tender. Toss with chopped tomatoes and a splash of vinegar.
4. Cheesy Spinach and Tomato Omelette:
   • Ingredients: Eggs, spinach, tomatoes, cheddar cheese, garlic, olive oil.
   • Instructions: Sauté chopped tomatoes with minced garlic in olive oil until softened. Add beaten eggs and spinach, cook until eggs are set. Top with cheddar cheese.
5. Mushroom and Tomato Soup:
   • Ingredients: Mushrooms, tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, vegetable broth.
   • Instructions: Sauté sliced mushrooms and minced garlic until golden. Add diced tomatoes and vegetable broth, simmer until flavors meld.

Approved Ingredients for other recipes: eggplant broccoli cauliflower brussel Sprouts cabbage mushrooms tomatoes green beans bell peppers spinach zucchini asparagus garlic kale collard greens bok choy
cheddar cheese gouda parmesan
almonds pine nuts walnuts
watermelon lemon cantalope lime avocado strawberries black berries
chicken eggs lean ground beef fish turkey
hot sauce butter sour cream full fat yogurt olive oil avocado oil coconut oil ghee pesto chimichurri vinegar tahini

Moved into this place May 1, 2024.
Its a 2 bdrm apt, I have my own lease and another tenant has their own lease. Lease is month to month with no end date. Hydro is shared.
Other tenant had issues with tenant before me. Other tenant isn't related to landlord.
Other tenant had issues with me the day I moved in, including entering my room when I left the apartment (she turned off my laptop to "save hydro"). My door was closed but not locked. I have a lock, but didn't lock it because I didn't expect to deal with this. I lock it now. I didn't say anything to other tenant or landlord.
Other tenant turns off lights in the hallways outside of our unit. I've fallen down the stairs twice because it was dark. I switch the lights on but she turns them off complaining about hydro bills. I didn't tell landlord.
Other tenant complained that the fan in my room is too loud (its still on), I can't cook after midnight (I still do), I can't turn faucet on in the washroom after midnight (I still do) as these disturb her sleep. The washroom is next to her room. The kitchen is not. She has complained about the smell of cooking. She has complained of cleanliness (1 cup in the sink overnight, I still do this as I drink milk before bed), me leaving/entering the apt after midnight. These haven't been an issue with 3 other places I rented, so I don't believe I'm loud.
Landlord asked to meet me last night and said the other tenant has been texting her non stop with these complaints and is threatening to move out. Landlord didn't tell me not to leave/enter apt after midnight but said that its an issue. I got grilled about what I do when I go out, why, etc. She didn't tell me not to cook after midnight but said its disturbing the other tenant. I said I fried a hot dog for 5 mins and boil rice. She said its still disturbing the tenant. Landlord said I'm turning on lights. I said yes because I need lights when its dark. She said the other tenant has to pay half and I need to be careful how much I use.
Landlord then said "would you consider leaving by the end of this month? We'll give you back last month's rent and pay moving costs". I said I don't know. She then said the other tenant is threatening to move and the landlord doesn't want to deal with 2 tenants not getting along a 5th time (I had no idea it was that much). She asked if I would sign a new lease/takeover other tenant's lease if other tenant left and find my own roommate. I said I don't know. Landlord wants to talk in a week again about my decision.
That night I turned on the dehumidifier at 9pm on the kitchen. Other tenant complained it was too loud. I was fed up and said its gonna stay on. Other tenant immediately texted landlord to complain. Landlord texted me to turn off dehumidifier because its noisy. This time I told landlord this level of noise is legal and so is cooking, I won't be revolving my life around other tenant. Other tenant turned off dehumidifier at night. This morning I turned on dehumidifier and other tenant said to turn it off because of hydro bill. I said no and took the dehumidifier into my room. She asked if I'd pay the hydro bill difference is hydro was over $20 this month, I said no, we pay half. She ran to her room and called the landlord to complain.
I got offered a job at the opposite end of the city and was planning to move anyway, landlord doesn't know this.
My question is, how do I navigate this? Can I do cash for keys (my preferred option since I plan to move anyway)? I can't move in 2 weeks.

In the heart of Texas, where the sun beats down on vast plains and the air is filled with the aroma of smoky meats, there lies a culinary gem that captures the essence of tradition and flavor. Welcome to Victorian's Barbecue, a renowned establishment nestled near Waco, TX in Mart, where every bite tells a story of passion, history, and community.
A Slice of History
Victorian's Barbecue isn't just a place to eat; it's a destination steeped in history. Named after its founder, the pitmaster Joey Victorian, this barbecue joint has been serving up mouthwatering dishes since its inception in 2016. What started as a humble roadside trailer has now blossomed into a beloved brick & mortar, drawing in locals and visitors alike with its irresistible fare.
The Art of Barbecue
At Victorian's, barbecue isn't just a meal—it's an art form. Step inside, and you're greeted by the tantalizing sight of smoking pits, where seasoned meats are slow-cooked to perfection over a blend of red oak and post oak wood. From brisket to ribs, sausage to turkey, and delicious try tip from the Tri Tip King of Texas, every item on the menu is a testament to the craft and dedication of the pitmaster.
Taste Sensations
Prepare your taste buds for a journey of epic proportions as you explore the menu at Victorian's. Sink your teeth into their signature brisket, a melt-in-your-mouth marvel of tender meat and savory bark. Craving something with a kick? Opt for the jalapeno cheddar sausage, seasoned ribs, and Creole Jambalaya bursting with flavor and heat. And don't forget to sample their sides, from creamy gouda mac and cheese topped with Taki, to tangy cucumber salad, each one crafted with care to complement the main attraction.
A Feast for the Senses
But Victorian's Barbecue offers more than just great food; it's an experience for all the senses. As you savor your meal, take in the sights and sounds of the bustling dining room, where laughter and conversation mingle with the sizzle of meat on the grill and a touch of Star Wars and Dr Dre decor line up the shelves.
Community and Camaraderie
One of the most remarkable aspects of Victorian's Barbecue is its sense of community. Here, strangers become friends over shared plates of barbecue, bonding over their love of good food and good company. It's a place where stories are swapped, memories are made, and friendships are forged, all against the backdrop of some of the finest barbecue in Texas.
Plan Your Visit
If you find yourself in the vicinity of Waco, TX (419 E. Texas Ave. Mart, TX), don't miss the chance to experience Victorian's Barbecue for yourself. Whether you're a barbecue aficionado or just someone who appreciates a delicious meal, this hidden small town gem is sure to leave a lasting impression. So gather your friends, bring your appetite, and get ready for a culinary adventure unlike any other. After all, at Victorian's, every bite is a taste of Texas and Louisiana tradition, served up with a side of Texas hospitality.
Conclusion
Victorian's Barbecue near Waco, TX, isn't just a restaurant—it's a cultural institution, a haven for food lovers, and a testament to the time-honored tradition of Texas barbecue mixed with Louisiana cuisine. With its mouthwatering meats, welcoming atmosphere, and sense of community, it's no wonder that our beloved establishment has earned a place in the hearts (and stomachs) of locals and visitors alike. So the next time you're craving a taste of the Lone Star State and the Pelican State, make your way to Victorian's Barbecue and prepare for a dining experience you won't soon forget.
Victorian’s Barbecue
419 E. Texas Ave.
Mart, TX 76664 (Next to Waco)
(254) 300-6122
Victorian's Barbecue

I, Female (34) have been together with my husband, male (39) for almost 10 years, married for 8. His mother has always said hurtful and mean things to him, or to me, or acted very obviously that she does not like me - even before I met her.
We had always lived somewhere else, until 2 and a half years ago, moved to the same state they live in, due to my husband's job. She kept acting the same, if not worse. This time not just to me, but also to the kids.
Originally from Mexico, the tradition is that mother and daughter get ready together prior to the wedding (hair & make up), our wedding was petit committee, we did not have a lot of money back then, especially after going through the immigration process and fees to get my permanent residency.
Wedding was at the end of October, that summer, my father in law got laid off and even though we hadn't asked for their financial help for the wedding (we weren't going to anyway), my MIL called and said, sorry we cannot help. (?)
The day of the wedding, I went to a grocery store to get a bouquet of flowers, went back to the cabin to start getting ready, the hair and make up lady arrived and started working on me, my MIL nicely offered to put together my bouquet so I accepted and appreciated it. When I was done with hair and make up, it was my mom's turn. MIL said 'bouquet is ready on the table' and left. Did not think anything of it.
During our honeymoon, my husband told me that his mother, went to see him to the cabin where he was getting ready and she made a scene asking him if he was sure he wanted to marry me because I was the most selfish person she had ever seen. He had to spend a while trying to calm her down while I waited for him for our photos.
This upset me, because it made me realize that the feeling I had about her wasn't wrong, and a lot of things she had said and done up to that point finally made sense.
Although it did not affect me because like I said, we never lived close up until a couple of years ago, and everything turned about her, making her happy, complying with her rules, she does not respect my (our) parenting and does whatever she wants with my children whenever they are around them.
I celebrate Mexican Mothers day which is ALWAYS on May 10th. So on Friday my husband got me a weighed blanked that I have been wanting for a while, and said happy mothers day and said sorry I was writing you a letter but did not finish. Then we went on to find my favorite taco truck before we picked up the kids in the afternoon.
Yesterday, American's mothers day, MIL had planned a get together at a park to grill burgers and hang out. Cool. The thing is, I am working full time and I am in Grad school (both decisions made because my husband pushed me to do something for myself and said he would be 100% supportive). I had a lot of homework to get done yesterday, among other household chores I haven't kept up with lately.
On saturday, I took all day to work on things around our farm. It was hard work and overwhelming. I also reached out to him calmly and told him I wasn't comfortable going to the mother's day gathering, I wasn't comfortable being around his mother or his family in general for that matter. They have all excluded me from communications and pretty much it feels like I am not welcomed around them. I also had a lot of homework so I asked him to understand my position, that I didn't have to go, he could go with the kids. And he said I HAD to go, that it was only going to be 1.30hr max 2. Well it ended up being 5 hours away from home.
Before we left, he yelled at me in front of the kids, because I said, this is not about me it's about your mom, she is not my mom and I really don't have to go. He called me names, he said that I always complain about working, getting things done, that I don't do anything around the house and that I was the most inconsiderate person that it is all about me. Then when we were on our way to the park, stopped at a store to get burger patties, and he Yelled at me - in front of the kids and the whole store! that We should separate, that I am the one that has been pushing for this and that he is done with me, we will sell the farm and the other house and everything.
All this time I was crying and crying, I could not believe he was saying and doing this, especially in front of the kids, even though it wouldn't be the first time he's reacted like this.
I don't have any real friends here, I live far from my hometown in Mexico and I feel like he is being abusive emotionally and gaslighting me. I'm hurting, I don't deserve this, neither do my kids. I am not saying innocent at all, but I truly feel that I cannot talk to him because he gets angry or wants to change me to be a certain way that he would be able to deal with (?). I am scared of reaching out to him with personal feelings because of his reactions. He told me yesterday that he was done with me because he believes I am never going to change. Every time we argue he says I love you BUT __________. Really? Love should not be conditional like that.
I have a history of anxiety and depression, I started therapy a while ago along with meds and it's been a tremendous help.
Kids are Boy 16, Girls 6 & 4
Any advise? Suggestions? I'm truly heartbroken and don't know how to fix this.
TL;DR! - Marriage emotional abuse

I built a gazebo next to where my pool is going. I plan to put a built-in kitchen with grill under the gazebo but for “reasons” the back of the kitchen will be visible toward the yard. For clearance, 4” if noncombustible, 18” if combustible is what’s advised by manufacturer for the grill. Ideas on relatively inexpensive non combustible way to hide the stainless steel back of the kitchen?

Hi, everyone! I just signed up for my first marathon this coming November in Japan. I need insight on some of my concerns since I am a fairly new runner.
About me:
I ran a half marathon last December out of curiosity with no proper training. I finished it in 3:01 and since then, I loved running. I ran another half marathon last April. But this time, I followed a proper training plan. I ran 4 times a week for 13 weeks with a peak of 32 miles before tapering. I finished 2:31 this time and I was delighted.
I do strength training for my upper body 4 times a week. (Yes, I skip leg day because I thought running and walking compensate for it, I’m sorry lol). I could say I’m a decently healthy person: 25M 176cm 69kg.
My concerns, worries and questions:

1. There is a time limit of 6 hours. The race starts at 9am and strictly closes at 3pm. Assuming that I will cross the start line after 30 minutes, does it mean I only have 5h30 left to complete the race? I am already at a big disadvantage here and it seems that I have to really push during my training. Can you request to be placed as close as possible to the start line?
   
2. I plan to allot 24 weeks for my formal training plan since life may get in the way. The program I plan to choose takes 18 weeks to complete. What do I do if I notice that I would have extra weeks? Do I repeat weeks or just rest?
   
3. What training plans can you recommend to me? I plan to use Ben Parkes’ L1. Is it a good choice? I also heard about time-based programs. What do you think is the most suitable program out there to achieve a sub 5:30? Or do I not worry at all about this and just stick to the plan and stay consistent?
   
4. What pace should my long runs be? I have read mixed answers on this one. Should it be all easy, at marathon pace, or mixed?
   
5. How do I proceed with my diet and meals before race day? I learned that you should eat what you always have eaten before race day and not try something new. However, the race is in a different country. Do I just learn how to eat other food which is available there? I am pretty sure I cannot bring my favorite grilled chicken there.
   
6. How do I train for the different weather during race day? I am living in southeast Asia and it the weather is hot here. The temperature and humidity in Japan would be extremely different from here. How do I know what I need to wear? Should I practice my race gear during my training here?
   
7. Will my 4-day-a-week upper body strength training negatively affect my marathon training? When I trained for my last half marathon, I still went to the gym 4 times a week to strength train. I did not feel it affected my result negatively. But do you think minimizing the volume a little bit and adding some leg work would yield a better marathon time?
   
8. Last but not the least, do you think a sub 5:30 is realistic at this point given that I am consistent with my plan and not having injuries?
   

I know these are too many questions but any help would be greatly appreciated!