Chapter 31 - Farewell to JR692
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Trix furrowed her brow as she watched her plot. The Arcadia had stopped accelerating at all to maintain velocity at five hundred thousand kilometers per hour, the maximum allowable for d-space transition. The idea being that if anything unexpected happened, they could escape almost instantly. With how these morons were flying, though, it looked like they were vastly overestimating their opponent.
To start with, the Tanjeeri vessel had not exceeded 4G’s of acceleration. So long as the humans could see their opponent, the Arcadia could practically DANCE around it. And then there was the idiotic stunt they’d pulled with the planet. Trix’s plan to use the planet as a means to increase the distance between them had worked better than anyone had expected, since the idiots flying over there didn’t just curve around it, but in fact swerved the LONG way around to do so. She’d thought they would simply turn into a tighter curve parallel to her own as they moved to cut inside of her orbit. Instead they’d made a wide, broad curve around the planet to actually match her own planned orbit, falling in behind her, while putting them an additional 3 million kilometers behind the Arcadia.
“How could any species that reached space fly THIS stupid?” She wondered aloud.
“Careful there Pilot.” Alexander cautioned her. “We don’t know how stupid they truly are. Yes, what they did is incomprehensibly dumb but at the same time we don’t know any specifics about their ship. They may have some trick up their sleeve we don’t know about. Best not to get cocky until we’re absolutely certain.”
Trix made a guttural noise as she shook her head. “Maybe, but look at them! At the rate they’re coming at us I’ll have time for ANOTHER entire night’s sleep before they manage to come within one hundred thousand clicks of us.”
“Unless they have some capability we don’t know about,” Josh pointed out. “The emissions coming from that ship are unlike anything Sol or Proxima can put into space. We don’t know how their propulsion works, don’t know if they have artificial gravity or not. Farscope and the trading ship we encountered both used a rotational frame to produce artificial gravity, but the Tanjeeri ship isn’t rotating.”
“If we don’t know how their tech works we don’t know what to be on the lookout for,” Alex clarified. “All we’ve seen of them so far is one very lazy attempt to hit us with some kind of missile, one that didn’t even have tracking. That and the last 14 hours of this chase. For a species that apparently terrorizes this part of the galaxy, I can’t imagine that they have zero other tricks up their sleeve.”
Trix just shrugged and returned her attention to the plot. “Okay, but if we aren’t going to slow down to let them catch up I don’t know exactly what we’re going to learn just by watching them crawl after us slower than a ‘Tix bug.” She watched as the ship’s slow acceleration continue
Alex didn’t know what a ‘Tix bug’ was, but he bit his tongue. “Let’s give it a bit longer. Once the range falls down to 2 million kilometers, if there’s still been no change we’ll just bug out.”
—--
The Fourth Claw of the guard shifted irritably on his command dais. Accelerating this fast for this long was taking its toll on the crew, as the constant flow of the viscous water around him struggled to keep up with the forces of acceleration pushing them back. Instead of the comforting pressure of the water flowing steadily from above, the water flowed at an odd angle due to the pressures they were enduring. And yet, despite this, the Thieves’ ship was still far, far ahead of them. Worse, the thieves could accelerate far faster than his own ship.
He scratched idly at his side as he tried to consider what to do. Claws like him were always supposed to be under the guidance of an Interpreter, and being forced to act alone was uncomfortable. But this was his duty.
“How far are we from the Thieves ship?” His voice croaked uncomfortably as he spoke.
“We are still over ninety-five thousand uloms from the Thieves, protective one.”
“And how long will it be until we can approach to firing position?”
“Our spines can reach at most six thousand uloms. It will be twenty day-segments until we can approach them that close.”
The Fourth Claw scowled at this. How did the Thieves even see his ship? Only the vessels of the great enemy’s militaries had sensors with sight enough to see so far away. Were the Thieves in a military ship?
“I tire of this. I wish to return to the flotilla.” He thought silently, and slammed a forefist down on the dais, his claws clacking together as he did so. “They will not allow us to approach. They flee as the cowards they are. Their speed is commendable but if they run they obviously cannot fight. Prepare a micro-jump. We will ambush them. Let them freeze as a Chiqor does when facing the gaze of an adult male, only to be torn apart by our spines.”
“At your command, great protective one.”
—--
Trix stifled a yawn. The situation was unchanging, and despite all warnings she was beginning to wonder whether or not these big, scary Tanjeeri were even a threat at all. What danger was there from an enemy that couldn’t actually come into range?
“Energy buildup. Their EM is spiking.” Josh was focused entirely on his console, monitoring and recording the details of the encounter in real time. As he said that, the course plot in front of her shifted, and she returned her attention to her own console.
The interception arc had vanished, and she began tapping in commands. But it wouldn’t return. The computer wasn’t allowing her to update the arc. Why? The pursuer was gone? She frowned and attempted to update it again, yet still it refused. “Captain…”
“I see it. Or I don’t see it. We lost the ship on sensors.” Alex was already punching in commands on his terminal. “Ma’et, any idea what happened?”
Ma’et’s familiar voice immediately came through the overhead. “Sensors are reading fully functional. We’re getting all other inputs, just no EM from the Tanjeeri. They could have some kind of stealth or mayb…. SHIT! CONTACT AT 14 DEGREES!”
“Swarm Missiles Out! New Heading 225 by 0! Pilot get us the HELL away from here!” Alex immediately shouted as he grabbed the armrest of his chair. He wanted to DO something, physically, but that was what his crew was fore.
Trix felt the blood drain from her face as the plot updated itself automatically. The Tanjeeri weren’t behind them, they were now in front of the Arcadia! She immediately threw the Arcadia into a turn counterclockwise, feeling the faint rumbling of the thrusters as they altered the ship’s course. Momentum was still propelling them towards the enemy ship, and she felt too slow on the keyboard as she swept her wingtips up to grab the controls she could work faster. As the ship began to change course she glanced up at the main screen as two bright dots separated from the Arcadia, curving away towards the Tanjeeri vessel’s red triangle. As she watched each dot vanished and was replaced by a sparkling spread of tiny pinpricks, each one curving and approaching the interloper.
The display next to the plot suddenly changed to show the Tanjeeri vessel. It was turning in space, its jump placing it ahead of the Arcadia but facing the wrong way. As she watched its slow and cumbersome turn, suddenly a bright flash of light appeared on one of the sides of the ship. The flash spread quickly as more and more of the micro-missiles housed within the Swarm Missile detonated on contact with the Tanjeeri vessel, filling the screen and the bridge with a harsh glare of light.
Her fingers were tightly squeezing the wingtip controls as she stared at the dimming light, her heart hammering away in her chest as the image oh-so-slowly clarified. She realized she was holding her breath and let it out in a long sigh as the image changed. Where once there was a grotesque bulbous enemy ship, now there was just a twisted hulk of blackened metal. An odd mist of… something… was spraying out from the internal components only to vanish into the void as the ship rotated in space from the momentum of its occupant’s final command.
The bridge was silent for several minutes as the occupants watched the screen, waiting for any sign of activity from the ship. Then, with a suddenness that made Alex scream out in surprise, the ship was engulfed with a brilliant light that hurt to look at as the remains of the Tanjeeri were instantly vaporized.
“What… happened...?” It took Trix a moment to realize that was HER voice and that she’s said that aloud.
Josh responded in a quiet voice, “We must have ruptured their power plant. I think… that was a fusion explosion.”
Alex shook himself out of his own reverie and called out. “All hands. We are returning to Kiveyt immediately. Par will give you an after-action report, but to sum up, the Tanjeeri surprised us with some kind of short FTL movement. We fired in self-defense and the ship was destroyed. It was unexpected and unplanned but we appear to be safe and we are leaving. Now.”
Trix felt a tingling in her fingers as she realized how tightly she was gripping her wingtip controls. She relaxed her grip and began to enter the commands to straighten out the ship’s course to prepare for the d-space jump.
—--
The room was filled with a sickly brown murk as the behemoth closed its eyes. It witnessed the strange chase, the Thieves fleeing before the small claw, the micro-jump that gave the claw the edge over its prey, then the odd and tiny flashes of light in the void before the claw met its end.
The end had come too rapidly for the behemoth to be able to understand what had happened. One moment the Thieves were fleeing, the next moment and the claw had ceased existence. What kind of weapon was it? Those glittering flashes, almost like metallic sand next to the small claw, how did they work?
It shifted around uncomfortably on its bulk, far too large to ever be able to lift itself up on its own, instead forced to scrabble massive claws against the metal as it sought a more comfortable position.
“FOOD!” It roared out, suddenly acutely aware of the rumbling within it. Seeing so far and in such detail was difficult and required huge amounts of energy. An attendant hopped over, bearing a huge tray of entrails and beats - yet a massive clawed hand snapped out, wrapping around the attendant’s body and shoving it into the creature’s massive maw. A single snap of its jaw crushed the poor attendant in half, and it swallowed heavily before it began grabbing fistfults of organs and entrails from the platter and greedily stuffing itself.
The loathsome creature continued to think upon what it had seen. The Heavens would deal with the swiftness of these Thieves, of that it was sure. But it could not understand the death which had so rapidly erased the small claw from the void. If it could not understand, then Heaven could not entreated to help. It would have to learn more, and it could do so only by more conflict.
The proposal of the Interpreter of the Voice came to mind. The pitiful being had laid out a proposed trap for the Thieves, and had sent out the small claw. The Voice did not know whether the Heavens would support the feeble little creature’s idea, but it knew that they MUST have additional information. They MUST learn more in order to trap these Thieves. Then they would be brought before him, to be interrogated. And executed.
The trap would be approved. There would be not one but dozens of claws. Small, Large, even Greater ones. They would all trap the Thieves. Then they would be brought before it, to be interrogated before Heaven. And executed. The Voice wished it could see through the eyes of the smooth ones as it could through its own people. It was burning with curiosity about the Thieves, how they looked. How they smelled.
How they tasted.
—--
“You’re going to be executed. And I, for one, am not going to argue very hard at all against it.” Amanda sipped at her coffee and smiled brightly at the captain. “I wonder what they’ll do in particular? String you up? Lop off your head? Or just shoot you and get it over with quickly?”
Alex reached out to the table beside his bed, and grabbed a bottle of water. He greedily sucked at it before letting the bottle fall down on the pillow next to him. “Don’t care. Death’ll be mercy.”
The after-effects of the Insomniol Inhaler were brutal, and he’d known this was going to happen. His body was busily metabolizing the drugs and breaking them down, and in the process he experienced a rapidly shifting array of unpleasant side effects. Dehydration, headaches, intense drowsiness, and having to run to the bathroom six times a day to urinate as his system moved quickly to flush all of it through him at once. Luckily the process only lasted a few days. Unluckily the pain and drowsiness kept him mostly bedridden, minus the unpleasant trips every couple of hours to the bathroom.
“In that case, I’ll see whether or not we can stretch it out. Perhaps some late night sessions with the interrogators, aided by copious amounts of Insomniol while they try to wring out of your scrawny neck just what the fuck you was going through that idiotic brain of yours?”
Alex mumbled something about ‘cruel and unusual’ into the pillow as he languidly shook his head.
Amanda bit the inside of her cheek, a habit she always seemed to fall back on whenever she was angry with the Captain. And oh, how she was angry.
His actions made sense on the surface. Most of the civilized species knew little about the Tanjeeri other than the fact that they existed and were hostile to nearly everyone. The one species that knew the most about them, the Qyrim, were tight-lipped about EVERYTHING and thus could not be relied upon to help out in any meaningful way. So trying to gather additional information wasn’t entirely stupid.
But doing so in a converted yacht with minimal weapons, shields, and armor while simultaneously trying to protect a VIP on board? That was entirely stupid. As was his decision to cut her lab and quarters out of the all-hands broadcasts during the confrontation. The single, sole saving grace to this was that the Tanjeeri vessel hadn’t survived the missiles. If they had then god knows what would have happened to the Arcadia, and its crew.
Alex continued to lay face-down on the pillow, a leg sticking out from under the sheets. Amanda reached out and pinched the exposed calf. HARD.
Alex winced and lifted his head, his eyes squeezed tightly shut to keep the obnoxiously bright light that Amanda had turned up out of his vision. “Arright, arright… Sorry, jus… felt like I hadda find out more.”
“After Farscope I actually thought you were improving. You were somehow, miraculously trying to behave in a way that wasn’t entirely reckless and stupid. Why the hell you couldn’t just keep on actually thinking before you acted is beyond me. Do you have a death wish? Do you want to kill off the crew? To kill off Trix?” Amanda continued on her rant. It actually felt good to be able to just tell him off without his usual bickering and arguing. Without him trying to justify everything.
“But the worst part, the worst part of all, is that you swore to the Matriarch, no combat. No danger. She already didn’t trust us, and you…” She glanced down, and realized that the Captain had fallen asleep on her. She stood up, walked over to grab the water bottle and quickly unscrewed the top. Unceremoniously she dumped its contents over the sleeping figure, waking him up with a start.
She didn’t stay to see the aftermath, instead taking her leave. As she walked out of his quarters she turned and strode onto the bridge, bringing her mug with her. “The absolutely insufferable moron…” she muttered, under her breath.
“Captain’s in tro~uble,” Josh sang out quietly, then chuckled as Trix glanced over. With the Captain going through the after-effects of the Insomniol Josh as XO had taken command, and was currently in the Captain’s seat.
“We got the Tanjeeri though. They were in even smaller pieces than the debris field when we left. What’s so wrong about that?” She was genuinely curious. The ship survived, the enemy was vanquished, and now they were returning home with a small fortune in precious metals. Seemed like a win no matter how she looked at it.
“What’s WRONG,” Amanda began angrily, “Is that in doing so he put every single person on this ship in incredibly grave danger. Instigating a confrontation with an aggressive alien species with zero understanding of their capabilities?”
Trix was silent with this. She was surprised as everyone else by the Tanjeeri’s sudden FTL jump that had overtaken the Arcadia effortlessly. She was so cocky about how they’d been effortlessly capable of flying circles around the other ship that the surprise had been a definite blow to her confidence.
“We got lucky that they didn’t fire a shot at us, but what if they did? What would they have fired? Could our ablative armor absorb it, or deflect it? Or would it have been pierced? A military ship everyone wears e-suits and can survive sudden decompression. We don’t have any of them. An emergency happens and we lose atmosphere and…”
“Enough, Amanda. Enough.” Josh hopped down from his chair, then stepped over and placed a hand on the woman’s shoulder as she stopped abruptly. “It was reckless but it’s over, and we did get some very valuable data out of it.”
“What, uh, what kind of data?” Trix reached out to rub at a feather that had come askew, pushing it into its place. “Was what we did worth it?”
“I’ve got gigabytes of emissions data from the Tanjeeri ship. For one, I can identify any ship with similar propulsion. Also we now have a good EM signature for that tiny little FTL burst they did. Next time they try that little trick we’ll know exactly what happened. Then there’s the fact that our swarm missile's micro-rockets were effective against their armor. And lastly, and this is the big one? We have definitive proof they use fusion reactors based on the way it lit up. That was a plasma containment failure, a big one. Knowing that, we can actually make reasonable assumptions on how much power is available to them.” As Josh spoke, Par pulled up a list of various data points on the main screen as he went on. The words flowed so quickly down the screen that Trix’s visor translation could barely keep up.
“I don’t doubt it was useful. I know for a fact it was. I just… I just wish he’d think first before he’d act. The data’s absolutely no good if we get killed acquiring it. There’s other, safer ways to get this information.” Amanda took another sip of her coffee and set it down on a console. The words “Party Controls” had been covered up with a “Science Station” sign and she had spent a considerable amount of time linking it to the lab below. It still wasn’t quite as good as physically being in front of her instruments but considering how things had gone this time she was completely done with not being present on the Bridge.
“Either way, now we have some basic info about the enemy. We can pass this along to the Avekin as well as to Proxima when they finally get out here.” Josh returned to the Captain’s chair. “Assuming that the e-beacon arrived.”
Amanda just nodded, and brought up some of the data to inspect closer on her station. “I can’t imagine it didn’t. They’re incredibly over-engineered given what they do.” Of course she knew that it HAD arrived and that the joint diplomatic mission between Sol and Proxima would be leaving anytime now.
“Nothing’s perfect.” Josh countered, then turned his attention back on the main screen, bringing up the navigational plot. Six days of D-space travel from Kiveyt. “Par, go ahead and pass along a message to Ji. Grab a grav belt and a cutter and let’s start loading the pieces of the asteroid in our hull into the fabber. D-space gives us almost infinite energy at our disposal, let’s make the most of it while we’re in transit to make things easier when we land.”
“Affirmative, XO.” Par replied.
—--

Hello everyone, GrimaIsBestWaifu here. As you might know, I am a massive fan of Book IV and its characters. Today marks around four years since I officially came around to Book IV after initially being a hater. Needless to say, as a Book IV nerd and enthusiast, I secured a copy of FEH's second art book at the first opportunity in order to further immerse myself in my passion. While it's an illustrations book first and foremost, I found the most value in the sections that went into detail about the lore, story, and characters of Books IV and V (but mostly IV, heh).
As of today, there is no official English version of this book, so non-Japanese readers are limited in how much information they can glean from it. This is a tragedy I can't abide, being heavily invested in FEH's story and wanting others to be able to appreciate it too, despite its flaws. There is also a decent chance that some information contained in this book will be changed or omitted in the official English version, so in that event I hope this might serve as an attestation to the "original" version. In this post, I intend to go over the section that describes the events that take place in Book IV's story. To see my translation of the section of the art book that expounds on Book IV's lore and characters, go here.
Disclaimer: I am not a native Japanese speaker, nor am I fluent in the language. English and Japanese are very different languages, so I will do my best to make things flow nicely in English while retaining as much of the original meaning as possible. Italicized text indicates my own speech, words that do not come from the book. The book's story recap is also told in past tense, but I use present tense in my translation here because I think it flows better and is easier to understand.
Chapter 1: The Dream One day, Alfonse and the others are summoned by Queen Henriette. According to her, an inexplicable incident has occurred in one of Askr's border villages in the wheat country where all its residents have fallen asleep. All efforts have been exhausted in attempting to save the sleeping villagers, who appear to be having nightmares, but none awaken. Henriette tasks them with investigating the sleep sickness there. The Order of Heroes complies, and after entrusting them with the Redolent Censer, she sends them off to the village with a smile. On the way to the village, Loki appears before the party and speaks in a way suggesting she may know something about the sleep sickness. It's possible she is planning something yet again...Alfonse and the others cautiously forge ahead.
As the Redolent Censer continuously burns with poison-nullifying incense, they arrive near the village. Sharena feels at ease and expresses gratitude towards her mother, who gave them the treasure in order to protect them. But in that moment of relaxation, she lets out a big yawn. Anna scolds her before stifling a yawn herself. Upon noticing this, Alfonse and Kiran are also beset by a fierce drowsiness, rendering them incapable of standing. By the time they realize the censer is ineffectual, it's already too late, and they are unable to resist closing their eyes...
Alfonse is with Henriette, along with Zacharias and Veronica. He is confused due to only having vague memories about why they are on a mission together. Suddenly, Zacharias attacks Henriette and corners Alfonse alongside Veronica.
Then, a girl abruptly appears and envelops the surrounding area in a dazzling light by reciting an incantation and prayer, causing Zacharias and Veronica to disappear. As Alfonse is yet again confused by the situation, the girl smiles brightly and says, "I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (This quote is transcribed from the official ENG script and is not a direct translation of the book's text, which uses the JP quote)
Chapter 2: Missing You (JP: One Person, Missing) The dream realm, álfar... Peony puffs out her cheeks when Alfonse cannot believe his ears. They regroup with Sharena and Anna, but Kiran is nowhere to be found. Even after following Peony's advice and trying to bend the dream world to their wishes, Kiran remains missing. Peony guides the party in their search for Kiran, claiming that the Dream-King Freyr could help.
While on the move, they fight off soldiers of nightmares, who are born from the fears of mortals and take on the forms of Heroes. Sharena also speaks with Peony about possibly having met before somewhere in the distant past. Peony responds that it might have been in a dream, and the two smile at one another, since they are quite similar and it appears they will get along well.
There a girl appears with black wings fluttering. She turns out to be Triandra, the Nightmare. As a dökkálfr from the realm of dark dreams, she is giving mortals nightmares under her liege's orders. Alfonse and the others confront Triandra when she tries to erase (In JP, the word for "erase"/"extinguish" is frequently used in place of "kill" when pertaining to the álfar) Peony. Triandra withdraws after being put at a disadvantage, stating that she won't give up.
Peony leads the group to a location with a large bed(s). Sleeping in a dream is the way to gain an audience with the Dream-King, so Sharena and Anna fall asleep. Before following their lead, Alfonse notices that he can't remember his childhood very well. Though that disquiets him, he nevertheless trusts Peony and closes his eyes. Peony is overjoyed at their faith in her as she watches them.
(In the ENG version, Sharena mentions that there are "many" beds, but the JP version doesn't make any indication of their number. Due to the fact that this art book previously mentions THREE adults being able to fit on one, it's possible that Alfonse, Sharena, and Anna all slept on it at the same time and that there is only one. However, the possibility that there are multiple of them remains open)
Chapter 3: Gullinkambi (JP: Horn of Gullinkambi) Alfonse and the others arrive in the realm of fantasy, the dream within the dream, by Peony's invitation. There stands Dream-King Freyr, who gives Alfonse the horn Gullinkambi. By remembering one's self from before falling asleep, wishing to return to the waking world, and blowing the horn, Alfonse and his party, along with the wheat country village's residents, can awaken. However, Freyr continues, stating that they must first drive back the two dökkálfar who have invaded Ljósálfheimr and are showing mortals nightmares. While offering his thanks, Alfonse asks about Kiran's whereabouts. However, even though he should know everything about the dream world, Freyr does not know where Kiran is, them being one who exists outside of the world's reason. He advises them that should they blow the horn, Kiran will also awaken. Thus, the party wakes up from the dream within the dream in order to begin their march and fight the dökkálfar.
The group traverses the dream realm following Peony's lead. Suddenly, Kiran appears before them. Though Alfonse and the others are relieved to see them, they halt in their tracks upon spotting who was next to them. "I am Plumeria, the dökkálfr of lewd dreams." (Again from ENG script)
Plumeria attacks the group along with nightmare soldiers that take the forms of Heroes from "Genealogy of the Holy War". Alfonse and the others fight them off, but Kiran also withdraws as if accompanying Plumeria. Peony states that this is because Kiran has been trapped by the dökkálfar's nightmares. Alfonse clenches his fist tightly, swearing to get Kiran back.
Chapter 4: On Dark Wings (JP: The Fluttering of Black Wings) The two dökkálfar show nightmares to mortals in Ljósálfheimr under their liege Freyja's orders. While Plumeria makes her disdain towards humans known, Triandra shows signs of concern towards Peony, who is her opposite in role.
The party continues traveling across Ljósálfheimr by following Peony's slightly dubious directions in pursuit of the dökkálfar. Anna and Alfonse can't wrap their heads around the actions they take in the dream world that would be illogical in reality. Suddenly, Sharena's gaze falls on a certain field of flowers. She says she remembers playing with girls her age in a flower field in a dream. She also remembers there being a girl similar to Peony, but Peony herself doesn't seem to recall this.
The party arrives at the Dream Gate, where the dökkálfar along with soldiers of nightmares lie in wait. They take up their weapons and repel the dökkálfar, after which Peony prompts Alfonse to blow the horn. Then, a crestfallen Peony bids them farewell, stating that they will forget about álfar like her, but that she will always watch over them, and she gives them a smile. Alfonse and the others close their eyes, trusting that they will meet again in a dream someday.
As the sound of the horn reaches Freyr's ears, his sister Freyja appears before him. Her true objective is to take her brother to Dökkálfheimr, over which she rules, while he is defenseless after handing off the horn. Were the Dream-King to leave Ljósálfheimr, order would be disrupted and nightmares would begin to flow into the mortal world and become reality. Freyja burns with jealousy upon witnessing her brother worry over the humans. Thinking to recompense them for stealing her brother's heart, her smile widens.
Chapter 5: Twisted Reality (JP: Distorting World) Alfonse wakes up to the smell of incense. Apparently, contrary to how much time they'd perceived, only a moment has passed in reality. While the other members of the Order confirm that everyone is fine, Alfonse notices that Kiran is missing. But strangely, Sharena and Anna cock their heads when he says Kiran's name. "The summoner of legend was called Kiran, right?" (ENG)
Alfonse is shocked when it doesn't appear to be in jest, based on Anna's tone of voice. Just then, an earth-splitting laugh rings out. The party prepares for combat, only to find that there stood Surtr, the king of Múspell who should've in the past been defeated. Though shocked, Alfonse faces off against Surtr, who ends up vanishing like the Zacharias and Veronica from in the dream. As the villagers awaken, unidentified troops are reported to have appeared in various places. Alfonse heightens his vigilance, suspecting that nightmares are manifesting in reality, as the group moves to eliminate those forces.
Though Sharena really can't remember Kiran, her gaze wavers from a profound sadness welling up inside. Alfonse cheers up his sister by swearing to do something about the situation. If nightmares can be defeated in the dream, they can be defeated in reality... Under this presumption, the Order marches on and discovers Peony being attacked. After rescuing her, she successfully uses her power to make Sharena and the others recall their lost memories. Then, Peony informs them that nightmares have been able to flood into the real world because Freyr has been taken to Dökkálfheimr, the nightmare realm.
Chapter 6: Dreaming Reality (JP: Dreams in Reality, Reality in Dreams) According to Peony, Freyr's sister Freyja is in Dökkálfheimr, and because they are in the same place simultaneously, the "Waking Dream" is allowing nightmares to spill into reality. In order to put a stop to the Waking Dream, the group searches for a ljósálfr who lives in a misty forest...Mirabilis, the Daydream. On their way to the forest, they encounter the real Veronica. After finding out about the situation and what the Order's objective is, Veronica states that she will come along. She says this is because she heard that her brother, Bruno (Zacharias), and Xander have returned from their travels and are now in the misty forest.
After the party arrives at the forest, they split up in search for Zacharias, Xander, and Mirabilis. Parting ways with Sharena and the others, Alfonse and Veronica venture deep into the forest and find the former two. Veronica smiles upon being reunited with her brother after such a long time apart, but her shoulders slump when she hears that he and Xander must soon leave again. She faintly smiles again when Zacharias invites her to join them, stating that he doesn't want to make her feel lonely anymore. Seeing this, Alfonse asks Zacharias if they could work together to fend off the nightmares. Apprehensively, he agrees, to which Alfonse continues. "...Thank you. As I thought, you aren't really Zacharias. [...] You said something you shouldn't already know." (This quote is a translation of the JP, since I feel the ENG line doesn't fit as nicely in this context)
At this, Zacharias and Xander's attitudes change. After repelling their assault, Veronica declares her cooperation with the Order. She then urges Alfonse to tell her about his memories of being with Zacharias. However, he realizes that he cannot remember anything from long ago for some reason.
Chapter 7: Steeped in Twilight The Order of Heroes realizes the severity of the situation that has befallen them after hearing that nightmares have reportedly been appearing unceasingly across Askr. They head deeper into the forest in search of Mirabilis so they can go to Dökkálfheimr, save Freyr, and eliminate his captors. After the scenery becomes blurry for a moment, Peony searches the surrounding area and happens upon Mirabilis. She rubs her eyes, appearing to be sound asleep. Peony pleads with her, wanting to get to Dökkálfheimr by way of Mirabilis' daydream powers. Just then, Triandra appears, the dökkálfar having also invaded the real world. She creates a nightmare embodiment of Hel, ruler of death. After defeating it, with Mirabilis in tow, the group departs in the direction of the point of twilight, which is close to Dökkálfheimr. Along the way, Sharena is bothered by a feeling that she has also met Mirabilis in a dream in the past. She believes that she, Peony, Mirabilis, and two other girls did something important together.
Eventually, they arrive at the point of twilight. It seems that here, they can cross into the nightmare realm by being given a "particularly scary daydream" by Mirabilis when day gives way to night. However, Triandra attacks them once more. Soldiers of nightmares come at them without end as they are surrounded by the sea with nowhere to run. Veronica calms the others down as they panic, stating that she will handle their pursuers on her own while they go on ahead. The last time they were in the dream world, only a moment passed in reality. Because of this, Alfonse and the others believe they will make it in time, so they close their eyes and make their way to the nightmare realm.
Chapter 8: Wallowing in Love (JP: Drowning in a Dream of Love) The group ventures into Dökkálfheimr. They are quickly met with Plumeria, who mystifies them with a bewitching sweet scent, but they somehow manage to fend off her attack. While in pursuit of a retreating Plumeria, Alfonse hears the voice of a sad young girl. However, he doesn't know whose voice it is, and the group marches on.
After catching the gentle scent of flowers whose fragrance is different from that of Plumeria's nectar smell, Sharena mentions that she remembers it. She claims it's the smell of the flower field in which she played with the other girls in her dreams. She then recalls swapping hairstyles and clothes with one of the girls who greatly resembled her, and even going to each other's homes. Anna is startled, thinking this sounds like a "changeling". As Anna explains how changelings are álfar who switch places with human children, Sharena listens with an absentminded countenance.
Plumeria again stands in the party's way, accompanied by nightmare soldiers modelled after Heroes from the "Awakening Outrealms", as they hurry to Freyr's side. However, the Order emerges victorious once again and goes on ahead. While wounded in her defeat, Plumeria hears the voice of a young girl crying for her mother, which she remembers. There, Freyja appears and grants her strength, healing her. After rising to her feet, Plumeria asks if she was a mortal before Freyja gave her life as an álfr. Freyja's expression clouds over, and she tells Plumeria that her father didn't love her or her mother, so he abandoned them. And because her daughter interfered with her desire to be with another man she loved, Plumeria's mother threw her into the bottom of a well and left her there.
By Freyja's words, Plumeria was a child nobody loved. But now, after drinking the nectar and becoming an álfr, she should just forget about that past. Her voice filled with compassion as she speaks, Freyja gives Plumeria a smile.
Chapter 9: Violent Fantasies (JP: Dream of Killing Someone) (Curiously, the recap begins with the events of Chapter 9 - 3, skipping over the first confrontation with Triandra in this chapter)
The queen of nightmares, Freyja, has abducted her beloved brother Freyr to her realm. With an ecstatic expression, Freyja declares that they shall fill the mortal world with their dreams. Freyr is dismayed, lamenting that Freyja originally didn't wish for the destruction of humans and that the two of them have already succumbed to ruin. He regrets turning human girls into álfar in order to drive back the disaster that befell the dream world in the past, when mortals gave up their dreams. Burning with jealousy over his constant concern for mortals, Freyja clenches a certain necklace.
Alfonse and the others rush to rescue Freyr, defeating Triandra, who stands in their way. As she stands up, saying that she can't yet afford to disappear (In a similar vein to what was mentioned above, the word for "disappear" is often used instead of "die" when pertaining to the álfar in JP), memories of her mortal past also pile up in her mind. Freyja appears before her, telling her that she and her younger sister were viciously abused by their non-blood related father. To protect her sister, who was in danger of losing her life, Triandra killed their father. Freyja assures her that she is not to fret over this, since she only did what she could. To this, Triandra quietly responds that she is alright.
Alfonse and the others finally reach Freyr. However, he has come under the curse of the necklace Brísingamen, and all of his dream powers have become Freyja's. With both of their powers in her grasp, Freyja has become the ruler over all dreams and is now able to freely control the dream world and bend reality itself to her whim. None are able to oppose her... Helpless against the unrelenting onslaught of Freyja's replicas and nightmare soldiers from all directions, the group falls back. However, the path leading back to Veronica has entirely vanished. "There is no way for you to survive. Taste despair in your attempts to escape." The nightmare queen sneers at them, exceedingly beautiful, (This line was very awkward to translate, I am sorry)
(To my knowledge, the quote used above doesn't actually appear anywhere in the Japanese script. It seems to just be a concise rephrasing of Freyja's dialogue at the end of the chapter)
Chapter 10: Lack (JP: Loss) The Order takes Freyr with them as they continue to flee. According to him, so long as Freyja is the ruler over all dreams, they can neither escape nor subjugate her. Even so, not wanting to give up, the group thinks of a plan. Just then, Freyr begins to tell of his and Freyja's past piece by piece. As a child, Freyja was always crying from being mocked by everyone over having a mark on her face. Freyr would steadfastly comfort his sister, who came to only smile for him. Then, she stated that she wanted to join herself to someone compassionate like Freyr when she grew older. She eventually matured to become beautiful, but didn't accept anyone's affections.
Sharena reassures Freyr along the way, to which Freyr confesses that the dream world once teetered at the brink of ruin. The only ones who could prevent the destruction of the dream world and save the hearts of mortals were children from the real world. But children who partake of dream nectar can no longer return to their world... Because of this, Freyr thought that perhaps if the children were in unfortunate circumstances, they would be happy to become special versions of themselves. He sacrificed innocent children in order to save the world even knowing it was sinful. After this, Freyr falls silent.
Their withdrawal fruitless, Freyja once again corners the Order of Heroes. Though she mocks them over their futile efforts, Freyr states that there is one way for them to escape.
"Freyja's power is the sum of our combined strengths... Therefore, one of us must be shed..." (ENG)
Freyr petitions the Order and offers himself up to them. Discerning his meaning, as Freyr can no longer manage to end his own life due to Freyja's control, Alfonse and the others cut him down.
Freyja cries out as she asks Freyr if mortals really are so precious to him that he would throw his life away for their sake. However, Freyr responds that nothing is more important to him than she is. It is because he loves her that he doesn't want to see her destroy the mortals, which is why he should disappear. Leaving her with those words, Freyr bids his sister farewell.
Freyja wails in sorrow and despair at the loss of her most beloved brother, after which she vanishes to some other location, bringing the dökkálfar with her. Due to Freyr's demise, dreams stop distorting reality. Now, they must wake up and return to their world. To grant Freyr's final wish, and to reunite with the missing Kiran...Alfonse and the others press onward.
Chapter 11: Plumeria's Dream (JP: Plumeria the Lewd Dream) The Order wakes up the the sound of Veronica's voice calling out to them. Just when they begin to relax, thinking everything is back to normal, Freyja appears before them. Chaos unfolds as everyone wonders how that can be, when nightmares shouldn't be able to encroach on reality anymore... The group is once again forced to engage in combat as they retreat. Freyja then tells them about the álfar's past as if to mock them. The álfar were originally human children who played together, who were called to the dream world in order to save it. She also describes how Mirabilis was a child who was abandoned by her mother after she was born. Finally, she tells of how among those children, the only one who didn't become an álfr was Sharena. Enveloped in Freyja's light, Sharena suddenly clutches her head in pain and faints.
After regaining consciousness at a boulder to which the group retreated, Sharena tells Alfonse that she now vividly recalls what happened in the world of dreams. "We wanted to save the world... Only...I stayed behind..." (ENG, but for curiosity's sake, the JP line goes "Only I wasn't able to become a hero...even though we said we'd save the world together...", which I think hits harder)
Sharena profusely apologizes with tears spilling from her eyes, saying that she might not really be Alfonse's sister. That she would play changelings with a girl who looked just like her, and that they would genuinely trade places upon waking. That she has memories of the small, run-down house in which the girl she'd exchange places with lived. That she might just be an ordinary child who swapped places with Princess Sharena in the dream world. And that as a consequence, the real Princess Sharena wasn't able to return home... Sharena appears discomposed as she suddenly recalls so many memories. Alfonse soothes her, saying that her memories of that house must have come from when she'd wake up as the other child.
Desiring to have them suffer like her after losing her brother, Freyja sends Plumeria after the group so the álfar will be made to kill each other. Plumeria follows her commands without saying a word and stands in the way of Alfonse and the others. She attacks them while looking like she is in tears...saying that she doesn't need reality, and that she wants to be in a dream forever. The party cannot hope to survive without fighting back so long as she continues to target them. Thus Alfonse and the others deal the final blow against Plumeria through their heartbreak. She grasps at the air and cries out for her mother over and over again like a small child as her body disintegrates. (I already felt really bad playing this story chapter in-game, but having this description makes it even worse...ow, my heart)
Even with Plumeria's defeat, the nightmares' assault does not relent. How can this be, when the Waking Dream shouldn't be able to occur with King Freyr dead? After assessing and reflecting on the situation one more time, Alfonse finally formulates an answer. "This has all been a dream... From the very beginning... Everything. All of it." (ENG)
They have been in a dream since the time they heard about the sleep sickness from Queen Henriette. If this is a dream, they should be able to return to reality this time if they blow the horn Gullinkambi in front of the Dream Gate. Alfonse marches on determinedly.
The Order takes a rest on the way to the Dream Gate. At their base, Anna reports to Alfonse about Sharena's condition after having stayed with her for a while. Afterwards, she begins to make small talk about a dream she had a little while ago about being a squirrel. She comments on how strange it is that she was convinced she was a squirrel in the dream, even though she isn't one... At this, Alfonse feels as though he is catching onto something.
Chapter 12: Triandra's Dream (JP: Triandra the Nightmare) Alfonse witnesses a daydream during the group's respite. A dream of the World of Steel, with towers stretching up high enough to pierce the skies. Peony calls it a grey world where people have forgotten how to dream. To make the álfar kill each other, Freyja sends out Triandra again. However, Freyja ponders why Plumeria and Triandra obey her orders without regard for how they are effectively being used and discarded. She asks Triandra why they would go so far as to throw their lives away in service to her. Triandra responds that she and Plumeria adore her, and that perhaps it is because mortals want to help those they care about even if they get nothing in return. Freyja shakes her head at this, being a god who doesn't understand this sentiment. She watches with a conflicted look in her eyes as Triandra departs.
Alfonse and the others fend off the advancing nightmares on their way to the Dream Gate. They are met with Triandra standing in their path, and upon seeing her, Peony's expression changes. Triandra speaks of how she could not forgive herself for being powerless to protect her younger sister as a mortal. Her dream was to obtain the power she desired in order to strike down those who would do evil. After she loses against the Order and collapses to the ground, having lost her power, she gazes at Peony and apologizes to her.
"Forgive me... I wanted to keep you safe just...a while longer..." (ENG) "...S-sister..." (ENG)
As Peony's words sorrowfully fall from her lips, Triandra's body disintegrates.
Led by Mirabilis, the group arrives before the Dream Gate at last. Following Freyr's instructions to "[p]icture the world outside the dream, and wish to return," (ENG) Alfonse sounds the horn, but for some reason, nothing happens. Alfonse goes over his thoughts once more, trying to figure out if there is something wrong with his thought process. Then, he remembers what Anna said a little while earlier. "If what I suspect is true...then the life I remember before the dream...is not my life at all..." (ENG)
Just then, Kiran appears before the Order. Alfonse is elated upon their reunion, but Kiran appears to be under the control of nightmares. With the help of Veronica and the others, he manages to render Kiran unconscious without killing them. By Peony's suggestion, they remove the hood that conceals their face. Under the hood of the collapsed Kiran...was unmistakably Alfonse's face.
Alfonse's suspicion is then confirmed. The reason why he couldn't recall his memories with Zacharias, and why he dreamed about the World of Steel, is because his past with Zacharias doesn't exist and the World of Steel is where he truly hails from.
"I am not Alfonse. [...] My name...is Kiran!" (ENG)
When they remember their true self, Freyja appears and tells them that they are having this dream because they wished for it. That Alfaðör, creator of all things, decided that Alfonse should no longer exist after he defeated Hel, sovereign of death. The Creator's will always comes to pass, and thus the real Alfonse is dead, so Freyja says.
Chapter 13: Reality Freyja continues, saying that Kiran gave form to this world and took on Alfonse's role out of grief over his loss. She claims that because Kiran is one who exists outside of the world's reason, if they combine efforts with Freyja, they could make the dream persist forever and have all their wishes come true. However, she declares that should Kiran choose reality, they will wake up in a world without Alfonse, and that she will use her power to take the lives of all of the álfar. With that, she disappears.
Peony states that because Freyja's nightmare powers still cover the area, they will be unable to use the horn. Even the álfar do not know if Freyja's pronouncement of Alfonse's death is the truth or a lie. A painful reality may await them... Holding onto that sense of unease, Kiran and the others head in Freyja's direction.
"Peony... My best friend, who I played with in the flower garden... That was you, wasn't it?" (ENG)
Sharena speaks with Peony, positing that Peony had switched places with her and drank her share of nectar because she knew there would be no going back to being human. Even so, Peony smiles, saying that making people happy was her own happiness. That neither of them know who was who originally, and that they are both each other, like two halves of a whole. If they defeat Freyja and return to reality, Peony and the other álfar will in turn be erased and the Order will forget about the dream. Sharena sobs over not wanting to lose a friend again. At this, Peony gives her a ring made of flowers. (It's a "chain" in ENG, but in JP it's described as a "指輪", as in a ring you put on your finger)
"[Even] if we do forget, that does not undo everything that's happened. [...] But if...if there's some way you can remember me, then maybe we can meet again someday, somehow..." (ENG)
Sharena and Peony join hands and nestle up close to one another as if in prayer.
On the other hand, Freyja's heart is swayed by emotions she cannot comprehend. Unconsciously, she begins to speak to Triandra and Plumeria, but both of them have disappeared in carrying out her orders. Though she insists that only her brother matters to her, as though trying to convince herself of it, her expression gradually clouds over. Kiran and the others eventually reach Freyja, and after defeating nightmare soldiers that appear one after another, Freyja herself finally falls as well. She disappears, leaving them with the proclamation that she will use all of her remaining power to erase everything about the álfar from existence.
The end of the dream draws near. The sound of the horn reverberates through the dream world. As she expresses her gratitude, Peony's form grows faint.
Kiran awakens to a voice calling their name, which turns out to be Alfonse's. He tells them that they, along with everyone else, had fallen asleep for three days and nights. Sharena seems to not remember anything and smiles as though nothing had happened. However, during their mission, Sharena discovers that she is wearing a flower ring on her hand. She is perplexed by this and clutches her chest, suddenly feeling like her heart is being torn apart. Then, someone claiming to be Sharena's childhood friend comes for a visit. Upon laying eyes on the person in question, her eyes tear up.
"Good morning, everyone! I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (ENG)
In Dökkálfheimr, Triandra and Plumeria, who should have disappeared, open their eyes. Before them stands Freyja, who tells them that they have no need to obey her any longer. Freyja's life fades away, having lost most of her power in reviving Triandra and Plumeria instead of erasing the álfar. She herself doesn't know why she did so even though she doesn't love anyone except her brother. In spite of this, she gave up her life for the sake of others, just like her brother had laid down his life for the mortals he so loved. Triandra and Plumeria vow to find a way to revive Freyja. The children weep as they grasp Freyja's hands, to which Freyja says that she truly cannot understand. Even so, she responds that she is happy and smiles gently.
And thus concludes the story of Book IV, neatly summarized as presented in the art book. I apologize for any inaccuracies in my translations and any confusion they might cause. This was an intensive passion project born from my love for Book IV, and I hope those who took the time to read this very long post found some enjoyment out of it. I would love to hear your thoughts, so please do share them if you so wish! I very much enjoy discussion about everything Book IV. Also let me know if there is any other material you'd like for me to translate, and I might make an attempt in the future. Thank you for reading!

Hello folks! Quick question, does the drowsiness from cetirizine and other antihistamines wear off? For me, the drowsiness increases over time when taking the meds but some sources say the side effects wear off over time
Thank you in advance x

hey guys gonna share my experience with the surgery and the process leading up to it. i will preface this by saying i got the surgery solely for discomfort so i can’t give any insight on the fertility aspect of seeking treatment.
january/february of last year i go to GP for testicular pain. left side same as my varicocele. at this point it had never been officially diagnosed but i was fully aware it was a varicocele for about 6 years. also while i was there i had blood tests for testosterone because i’ve been struggling with low sex drive for a few years now (had a level of 793 a year prior). never got the actual number this time but they said it was “within normal range” still.
anyways when i enter the room to talk to the doc and my concerns i mention that i believe i have a varicocele on the side causing pain. i drop my pants and he immediately agrees as it’s become large enough to be visible pretty much any time i’m standing. he sent me for an ultrasound solely to check for anything else that could be causing pain. radiologist came to the conclusion everything else is normal so it could just be varicocele causing pain. GP agrees and offers a referral to urologist. i didn’t have insurance so i told him i’d be back when i can acquire that. long story short it took me a long time to get insurance through my job so i didn’t seek further treatment until i got that worked out. it kicked in the first of this year.
fast forward to march of this year and i start the process of getting it treated. i was actually quite scared of surgery or even embo so i had to really think it over and make sure i really really wanted it. finally decided it was time so i scheduled an appointment with the GP. i had other things i wanted addressed at the time so that’s why i went back in instead of just asking for the referral. didn’t need to do another physical exam or ultrasound since that info was all on file already.
3/21/24 the day after the gp visit. luckily they could get me in quick at a time that was good for me. pissed in a cup for analysis and sat in the room waiting for the urologist. i was lying on the table for a while so when the urologist finally came in the swelling had reduced quite a bit. he did the exam immediately and he said he wouldn’t recommend treatment because it’s small but it definitely was not at peak size so i won’t blame him for that conclusion. anyways i push for it (initially i wanted embo so i mentioned that). i was then referred to a fertility urologist in a big city about 2 hours from me. this is the exact type of urologist that you want to go to if you’re seeking treatment. often far more knowledgeable about varicocele since it’s usually treated to improve fertility and far more likely to be capable of performing the surgery or knowing a good radiologist to perform embolization.
4/24/24 meeting with the fertility doc. he was very polite and had me explain my symptoms. said that my explanation 100% sounded like a typical experience with varicocele. went to a separate room to do a physical exam. just like the GP did he confirmed it just by looking at it but had me stand first to examine and then lay down to see how it reacted to different positions and then once more while standing. noted that it swells while standing and drains while lying down. once again all typical of this condition. when we went back to the office he asked if i was seeking treatment for fertility or just pain and i confirmed that it was just for pain. he had no issues with this but if that were the case i assume he would have proceeded to have tests done to analyze sperm quality. since this wasn’t necessary in my case he gave me his business card and had me call the next morning to either schedule a surgery date or request a referral for an embolization. i ended up going with surgery. he does microscopic varicocelectomies (considered the gold standard for surgery) and the clinic he works at has fantastic reviews. he seemed very confident in his ability to perform the procedure and how commonly he performs them. i don’t want coils inside me however if the procedure fails i will probably try that next. my surgery was scheduled for june 6th (today).
6/6/24 had to be at the hospital at 5:15. got checked in and everything and had a seat to wait for the nurse to pull me back. got pulled back about 6:30 and changed onto gown and socks and sat on the bed. all the nurses ask you what procedure is being done. got asked a bunch of questions to make sure i followed pre op instructions as i did (no eating after midnight, no liquids 2 hours before arrival, showered the evening before and the morning of with a CHG wash). monitor placed on finger for oxygen and patches on chest for heartbeat. IV is inserted. other than the slight sting of the IV i was rather comfortable. 7:15 i talk with the anesthesiologist and he explains the type of anesthesia and asks a few standard questions. this was my first time doing general anesthesia. he wraps up and the doc shows up about 7:30 and i sign a few forms. he leaves and another nurse comes in. puts a few things in my IV (don’t recall what sorry) and i start feeling very relaxed. when she was putting it into the IV she said “this is gonna make you feel reeeally relaxed like you’ve had a few drinks or something like that”. so pretty accurate description lol
it wasn’t long before i’m wheeled back to the operating room. i scoot onto the table and a mask is placed over my mouth. this is the last thing i remember before i wake up in recovery.
i seem to handle anesthesia very well. i woke up feeling super drowsy but no headache or nausea like i expected. they wanted me to eat and drink before getting dressed. FINALLY got some coffee and guzzled that down and inhaled some applesauce. i was offered fentanyl for the long ride home but i only felt a little pain on the incision so i passed. i was a tad wobbly when i got up to get dressed but overall i was feeling pretty good. the ride wasn’t too bad for the first hour or so but the pain killers were starting to wear off so i was feeling it. varicocele definitely aching right now but that’s to be expected and the doctor mentioned it will be like that until it starts to heal properly. grabbed my oxycodone from the pharmacy and made it home. just laying on the couch relaxing now. took an oxy about 3 hours ago as directed and the pain is definitely manageable. been able to waddle around on my own and walk upstairs without too much issue. i will likely update this post as i heal over the next month or so or make another post a few months from now to share whether or not the procedure helped after i’ve healed up.
this sub has been invaluable to me while i was looking for information on the condition and considering treatment so i figured it would be good for me to share my experience now that i’ve gone through with it.
i have not paid any bills yet but i received an estimate from the hospital totaling $3,628.
EDIT: during the meeting with the fertility doc he recommended that in the meantime i invest in a jock strap for good support. as i was looking around online for a good one i came across some brands of underwear that come with a built in pouch for scrotal support. i bought a pair of saxx brand briefs and can not recommend them enough. the couple times i was able to wear them leading up to surgery they were sooo comfy compared to the regular boxer briefs i usually wear. i also got some duluth brand briefs that are fantastic however the boxer briefs i got from duluth are way too baggy to provide the support that the saxx and duluth briefs did. if you’re on the fence about surgery or embo or if you have one scheduled that’s gonna be a bit of a wait i would 100% recommend giving these a try. rather expensive ($30 for the saxx and the duluth were on sale for about $22) but i LOVE them. the fabric that the family jewels sit in also helped with the varicocele side rubbing against my thigh which added to my overall discomfort.
6/7/24 one day post op. slept like a baby last night after taking a dose of oxy and got a solid 8 hours. just took a shower and removed the clear bandage as instructed in my post op packet. slight bleeding on incision but nothing major. minor swelling. incredibly minor bruising around incision, nothing black or blue. walking around a bit better today and the pain is manageable enough that i haven’t taken any pain meds. i got up and walked around a bit before i got in the shower and while showering i can tell there has been a reduction in the size of the varicocele. i’d say a good 30-40% smaller than pre op. so far so good!
6/8/24 second day post op. took an oxy and applied some ice right before bed. once again i slept like a baby. at this point my back hurts more than the incision from laying around so much. got out of bed, made some coffee and stood on the porch for a minute listening to the birds chirping. still seeing a significant size reduction in varicocele. like… my left nut looks normal. for the first time in years my left nut looks normal. i could actually cry tears of joy right now. sitting up is far less uncomfortable. i’d bet by tomorrow i could go for a car ride without too much issue.

Royal Road Patreon
Greetings and Salutations to all! So while cruising around on Royal Road, I noted a thread about the problems of LitRPGs/GameLit stories, and it got a line of thought going in my head. Can the genre be done better? Valoria Saga is my attempt at this genre. If you end up enjoying it, consider going to the story on Royal Road. I've got two chapters written there already. Thanks, guys, and enjoy!
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"Join the Valorian Saga, the most immersive RPG experience that has ever existed."
Y'know, I might be a tad biased here, but the devs sure weren't lying. I mean, I kinda wish they were, but yeah, feelin' pretty immersed seeing as we can't actually leave the game...
It started out pretty normally as far as game launches are concerned. A brand new VRMMO with cutting-edge graphics, a neural link that promised full sensation, and even an adaptive AI that would supposedly learn as the game was played. I might've held off on getting it but aside from my friends going nuts over the thing, the people in the open beta were near weeping at how awesome it was, even the guys who usually populated YouTube and Twitch with unending cynicism and rancor. I mean, most professional reviews couldn't be trusted due to how these things get monetized, but when even the grognards are raving... you listen.
I still debated the purchase for several reasons, the chief one being the cost. With brand new AI came a brand new VR rig, and a neuralink system that was adapted over from the ones that were being developed for things like artificial limbs or to use computers without using your hands. With a far more lucrative and wider market in general gamers, it was only natural to adapt it to rake in more money...
"YO, Luke!"
I nearly jumped out of my seat. Rob, who worked over in sales, had the clear look of a man who'd been trying to get my attention for some time, "Sorry, man, I was deep in it. What do you need?"
Rob shook his head, "Uh... it's like five-thirty. You planning on going home? Pre-Downloads should be opening up soon."
"Oh crap. Totally spaced there for a minute. Yeah, I'll be along in a minute. Just finishing up the ledgers."
Working as an accountant isn't exactly the most rock n' roll job out there, but it paid enough to keep me in games, which was more the point of it. I know plenty of teachers had told me to 'follow my dreams', but I mean, starving gamer isn't really that appealing in the real world. An MBA did secure a degree of discretionary budget, however, and it did guarantee me weekends off for the most part. This particular weekend I'd requested Friday off, giving me a four-day weekend with Memorial Day on Monday. I dropped my ledgers, saved everything, and made sure I was as caught up as possible, then ran to catch up with Rob, who was busy chatting up a barista on his way out, "All good man. I'll just grab a coffee."
Rob decided that impressing his barista was important and picked up my coffee for me, as well as leaving a tip that was a little too good, and we rolled out. While most of the world didn't know much about the game, our phones were abuzz with Valorian Saga news. The game had fully sold out, even selling out of the digital codes because the devs had not quite prepared themselves for what would happen when game footage of a guy firing a bow from gryphon-back at a dragon in flight hit the web. Then there were the people going over, amongst other things, that the game had... smells? A lot of YouTubers were talking at length of how detailed things like ray tracing were, sights, sounds, just a whole range of things.
My main worry was more the immediate server press. Figuring that this would either be the most epic game ever produced, or the Hindenberg of video games, I'd gone with the Limited Edition. Rob chuckled next to me as we were walking out of the office, "Still can't believe they hooked you on that. You know better. How many times have you told me about the dangers of going all-in on a pre-order for a new game?"
I sighed, and shared in the chuckle, "I know, I know, I... did you see what was in that bundle, though? I don't care if I gotta eat ramen for a month, that set is pretty awesome. A full cloth map of Equess, the journals with the race, class, and culture guides? Plus a neat-looking starter outfit, and a purple dragon pet that flies along with you, and even perches on your shoulder, to say nothing of the dragonrider figurine."
Rob and I had graduated college together, and post-college, gotten a place together to make things a bit easier on us starting out, so we got the entire car ride home to nerd out about the game. The devs had set it up so that we could get the game downloaded and ready to go for when the launch kicked off at midnight, so we were heading pretty much straight home to get that started up, with a quick stop to grab some dinner on the way. When we pulled up to the drive-thru, the operator's usual tone switched almost immediately, "Oh hey, Luke. You guys on your way home?"
"Okay, yeah, we eat out too much, " Rob's tone was deeply sardonic.
I snorted a little, "Hey Kimberly. Yeah, we're just stopping off for dinner real quick. Our usual order, please."
The order was already popping up on screen, and I did hang my head for a moment, cause yeah, when you know the drive-thru lady by name, and she knows you by order and names... you're there too often. Upside, though, was she always got our order right, so there was a trade-off, and she was a casual gamer as well, "So I take you guys are no-lifing it this weekend?"
"Yeah, it's the big launch weekend. You gonna be playing?," Rob put in. Kimberly quickly checked our order, gave us total and had us drive around, handing us out our food as she responded, "Oh yeah. Mom and Dad got me the set for my birthday, though Dad thinks it's a waste of money. I'll be getting off after the rush dies down. Do you guys have your screennames worked out?"
She looked like the last person who would be a gamer by stereotype. She'd been a cheerleader in high school, as well as either homecoming queen or prom queen... maybe both? In any event, she'd gotten hooked on games in college... but she'd gone for an art major, and... yeah... that wasn't really paying the bills yet, "Not quite yet, but here-"
I fished out my phone, and held up a QR code for our Discord Group for the game, Dragon's Den, as named by a couple of junior high kids who thought it totally sounded cool, then kept it as a cheesy reminder of where we started out. She clipped the code for the invite, we collected our food, said our goodbyes and got on home. We'd opted to rent out a finished basement apartment. It wasn't the greatest, but it gave us each our own room, and the elderly couple upstairs were nice. Also, the rent wasn't too bad since they had to stay under a certain point to keep their SSI.
We used our regular entrance around the side of the house, and got to work, getting the downloads started, and having dinner. Next up, making sure I had a check-in time. I got out my phone and called my sister, "Hey Denise. Just checking in to make sure you know to call me in the morning, and if I don't answer, swing by and kick me. You got the key? Great. Talk to you in the morning. Love you, too."
Next on the plate was checking with the rest of our little group on Discord. Seemed like everyone was already moving on things, so I took some time to read up on the race and class guides I'd gotten while we all played around in voice chat and went through character options in the online character generator demo, "Rob, what're you looking at rolling?"
"Oh, you know I'm heading after that sweet, sweet Gladiator glory!"
Rob was pretty basic in games, but that's not necessarily bad. He pretty much always went tank, which also made him a lot better at running tank even in new games. Rob was really the only one I'd met face-to-face, and the rest of us had come together through various online stuff, not least of which was Minecraft servers, so we mostly knew each other by our gamertags. Temur was after the higher casting jobs but wasn't sure which one, we had our two crafters, Daeva and Arkadi, and pretty much everyone else got too back and forth to follow. Eventually, our newest member, Kimbarian joined, and she was far more interested in what race she would play, looking at elf primarily.
Eventually, the time came, and we all got to our places, setting up a meeting place at the Broken Wheel, a named Tavern in the starting city of Farrelston. It was useless to immediately partner up since we'd all be doing tutorials right out of the gate. I laid down in my bed, made sure everyone's rigs were plugged in, and activated the links. At first the screen was blank, but steadily light emerged over the logo for Century Interactive, the studio making the game, a heavily stylized hourglass with ancient looking clockwork behind and name emblazoned across, lit as though by torch light form underneath. Then I got the usual assortment of engine logos, before the cinematic trailer began. It was astounding, really, showing a quick taste of the adventures to come.
It started out with me on horseback riding into the grand city of Farrelston as dawn broke in the distance, purple dragons rampant on a field of white and gold for the banners of Valoria, the starting kingdom in the world of Equess. I could feel the wind, and see the landscape spanning out around me, even feeling the shift of the horse beneath me as it moved. I'd seen the trailer before online, of course, and was initially tempted to skip it, but I mean, come on. This was what we all dreamed of as gamers. The scene shifted to me walking into a guildhall, and I could smell food, spices, and ale, feel the stones beneath my feet as the folks bandied about discussing various news of the day.
Again, the scene shifted as I now walked into a shaded forest, on the hunt for a group of goblins, and I felt the humidity in the air, the slight droplets of drizzle, "Holy crap!"
Eventually, it came to the title screen itself, and through the link, I selected to start, checked off the Terms & Conditions, and as agreed by the group, I chose the Brigandine server. The character creator was far different than what I'd seen online, and it showed as I stepped in front of a magical mirror, my footsteps echoing. The room around it was done up like a cathedral, with a solid shaft of light touching down on the mirror, surrounded in stained glass windows and high ceilings. A disembodied voice called out from above,
"Welcome to Equess, adventurer. Stand before the mirror."
I did as instructed, though a part of me kind of wanted to wait it out and see if there was any dialogue I would otherwise miss, but I didn't want to chance holding up my friends, "Eh, I can do that on the next playthrough."
As I approached the mirror, it appeared as though I was still in shadow, but I knew that part of the process was starting out with a facial scan to give the game a baseline to work with. Standardly in these games, I chose a look as unique as possible, but this felt different, and eschewing that, I went for a more heroic version of myself: Human, five-foot-ten became an even six-foot, light brown hair that was decently longer than my own, blue eyes, combination of scruff and goatee, medium build with admittedly a much nicer physique than my own... and not quite so pasty white as me. As I finished up my appearance in the usual starting attire game for human males, the voice spoke once again,
"And now adventurer, on what path do you begin your journey?"
At first, it showed me as a warrior, holding a shield and sword, which was just the default starting point of jobs. The interface was pretty cool, letting me use the link to navigate by swiping left and right, and it operated as its own tutorial in a way for basic system mechanics. Now... starting job... truthfully, they all sounded decent. Warrior could go in the direction of a tank or DPS build depending on how you wanted to play it. Acolyte covered the beginning support magics, and Arcanist started you down the path of DPS magic. Vagabonds were stealth/DPS, but in the end, I picked Hunter, a ranged DPS job that could use pets and snares, "I am a Hunter."
"Stand forth and sign your name, then speak it aloud, Hunter," The voice said, light illuminating a nearby pedestal.
I stepped forward and looked on a ledger. I signed my character name, Lugh, "My name is Lugh."
The sound of opening doors echoed behind me as the cathedral doors opened, and I caught my first sights and smells of the world, "Welcome, Lugh, to the world of Equess, and the kingdom of Valoria! Go forth and begin your journey!"
I walked down the aisle of the cathedral and stepped into the light of my new world for the first time. The light of day was incredibly bright as I stepped forward, and looked out into a massive square. The cathedral spanned up high behind, as grand as any picture I'd ever seen of Notre Dame. The smells of the city around me greeted me, the good and the bad, and I could do nothing but stand there and marvel. The buildings of the city were covered in blue tiles, a combination of timber and stone walls. For most, they were shuttered without glass, while the fancier buildings had panes of it. Smoke wafted up from chimneys, and a warm breeze hung in the air.
There was almost too much sensory input for me, just as if I was stepping out of a darkened basement for the first time in forever. It took time to adjust as I stood there at the top of the cathedral stairs, but finally, as I got my bearings, and young man wearing what I recognized as the outfit used by the heralds of the game came up to me, a golden glow limming him to mark him as a quest NPC, "Master Lugh! Welcome to Farrelston! My name is Pemby, and I can show you around."
A small window with the initial quest popped up: "Taking In The Sights"
"Alright, Pembry, lead the way," I said, falling into step behind him as he turned.
In most games, this sort of guide about town was pretty much bog standard and so was this, to an extent, but the ability to actually feel the world around me changed the entire feeling of everything. The city was massive, and having a guide would be necessary if I wanted to not get myself lost. He began where we stood, "Obviously, the building you've just stepped from is the Cathedral of Brigid, matron goddess of Valoria, built upon the founding of Farrelston some three centuries past..."
Pembry led the way, pointing out the various buildings such as the adventurer's guild, where we stopped off to get me registered by signing in at the desk, and I received a small booklet for my inventory. The menu system for the game wasn't like the ones I'd seen in so many other games. Instead of some general menu screen, it was a character journal that players could pull from a pouch on our belts. The first page was the character screen, the words and numbers done in a simple but well-defined calligraphy. It had all the vital statistics, which I checked real quick.
Eight attributes lined up vertically along the left side page, and they were pretty self-explanatory. Strength, Agility, Vigor, Intellect, Will, Spirit, Speech, and Wits. My two Primary stats were Agility and Wits, befitting a job that focused on hunting, firing a bow, and tracking, since Wits was a contributory attribute to to most of the survival skills. Agility would add to my skill and damage with archery, as well as combine with Wits to give me my baseline Reaction stat. The two stats sat at five points each, though I had no way of knowing how high they could go.
Strength and Vigor were secondary attributes, with a rating of four to start. Spirit and Will tertiary at three points, leaving my dump stats as Intellect and Speech... hm, I should probably work on those two, since they could affect a lot of lore skills and what price I got from merchants and vendors, at least get them up even with the tertiary scores. Things for later.
The right side of the book held my inventory screen. It was kind of like the ones from the old Diablo games, where it showed an actual backpack with slots and a silhouette of a character with boxes for equippable items on it. The backpack was arranged with slots, most internal with a few outside slots. Different items had different slot sizes and shapes. For now, I had just my starting gear for Hunter: A simple outfit, a leather surcoat for armor that trailed down to about my knee, along with a bow and arrows slung over my shoulder crossways, a hunting knife, and a hatchet on the belt alongside a waterskin. In my backpack, there were a few days worth of rations, flint and steel, and some hemp rope. Playing around with the interface showed me that I could skip the screen and just put things directly into my belt or backpack if I wanted to, and I noted my encumbrance limit.
The next page had my job information, currently just Hunter, and a few abilities for using my weapons, tracking, and basic stealth. Just the immediate necessities for being a Hunter. The rest would pick up as I used my abilities, so I could check in on those later as I got some experience under me. Opposite of the journal's spine were index markers for various sections, such as craft jobs and skills, skill trees, and much more, easily flipped to in the journal, with the final section being devoted to settings. I could over everything else later, but for now, I wanted to focus on being in the moment.
I got taken past some shops, the auction house, and finally, to The Broken Wheel, the tavern where I would finally be able to start on my own. My guide explained each of the structures to me as we walked along, and after coming up to the door of the tavern with me Pembry said his farewells, and I got my quest rewards: A small amount of skill XP in Farrelston Lore, a slight rise in my local reputation, and a writ for a free night's stay at the tavern, along with a flyer recruiting for the local militia. I stowed my gear, checked my pouch to see I had fifteen gold, and stepped into the tavern. It was a massive press of people all around, most starting players all shouting to form groups, *sigh\* "I really should've picked a different spot. Oh well."
Finding Rob was going to be an issue. It was difficult to see anyone, but I had an old solution. Holding my hands up over my head, I clapped loudly twice. For anyone else it wouldn't register, but my mom had done that exact clap all growing up, and I'd gotten used to using it when I needed to summon Rob. I wasn't... precisely sure it was him 'til a massive half-orc stepped from the mob and crushed me in a bear hug, "Grats, man! We're here! Come on, the guys are waiting upstairs."
I turned in my writ for a free night, then trailed along with Rob, who was only too happy to talk about things, "Oh, name's Khargol, by the way. And here's the gang!"
Knowing my friends pretty well, they were easy to pick out. Temur had settled himself on a Dracon Arcanist, a half-dragon race, his scales an iridescent blue. Daeva was quite clearly going to be playing up the runway model turned smith role, while Arkadi was playing Sylvain, a sort of half-fey, half-plant hybrid that didn't really have a gender to speak of. Kim had chosen elf like she'd wanted, and was apparently trying to test if she could actually run the tavern out of food, "Hey guys! So what's everyone's name? I went with Lugh."
Temur stuck with Temur as standard. Daeva went with Chrysta, and Kim went with Shelara. For a while, we were all just going back and forth about our experience so far, and how amazing the world was. Once I'd let the kittens run some nerding out of their systems, I rapped my mug on the table, "Alright, so everyone stuck with their initial jobs, right?"
Warrior went with Khargol, Temur the Arcanist, Arkadi the Acolyte, Lugh the Hunter, and Shelera the Vagabond. We'd ended up just covering our bases for starting jobs, figuring we could always change up later once the option opened up after the usual run-through of the starting quests. Khargol was amped to get started, "Alright, team, let's get to the guild! I wanna go fight some stuff!"
We made our way out of the tavern and passed through the square where plenty of people were already calling out stuff, looking for group to adventure with, or trying to hawk wares that they likely didn't have yet, but they're gamers. We got into the guildhall, and Khargol made a beeline for the quest board, perusing it and grabbing a stack of stuff to come back with, "'K gang, we've got a bunch of stuff. There's 'run around the city' quests, they seem to have small bits of gold, then once we run through all of those, I figure we get into the fun stuff."
The city quests were just that, the simple quests that ran you about town, got you familiar with the city, and got you used to everything. Admittedly, we were kind of rushing a bit, but it was launch day, and we wanted to get as much in as we could together. Khargol and I would end up getting way ahead of the others over the weekend, so this would be our best chance to work as a team for a while. We familiarized ourselves with the various tabs, got some more coin, and continued on until we started getting hungry and tired. Most of the group went back to the tavern, but I'd seen a park I wanted to check out and took the occasion to break out some water and rations, resting on a bench by a small pond with swans swimming in it. It felt amazing, and eventually, I noticed all the newly minted adventurers in town heading off to rest, tiring out. I hated to miss anything, but I was starting to feel drowsy, so I went back to the tavern for my room. In my room, the footlocker at the end of the tavern bed held my extra gear for the limited edition, and I tried on my new outfit. I liked the look, but better was watching the little dragon's egg hatch, and a small dragon, no larger than a kitten uncurled itself, and I heard the voice from the cathedral speak, "And what is your companion's name?"
"Her name is Yndress."
The little dragon uncurled itself, little purple scales rippling. and as I reached out a hand, she sniffed, stretching tiny wings, and then scrambling up my arm to perch herself on my shoulder and let out the tiniest of roars from her 'throne'. It was amazing, I could feel her claws on my arm as she climbed. After spending some time petting her, I turned in for the night and drifted off. Morning is when it all went wrong.
I came out to mass hysteria. The tavern common room was split between players all screaming back and forth at once, flipping furiously through their journals, and NPCs just trundling about doing their regular routines about the tavern like nothing had happened.
"LUKE!"
Rob was generally good about staying in character, so hearing my actual name snapped me around as he looked at me concernedly, "Can you log out?"
I popped up my menu and went through the settings. The logout button was there, but it was greyed out. Checking another part, I looked for the emergency cut-off, the rig's version of Alt+F4, and again, greyed out. Rob was going on about stuff, but I was ignoring it, combing through the menus for anything I could think of. GM Ticket, greyed out. In fact, everything that changed settings wasn't working, it wasn't just the parts related to logging out, "Rob, the others around?"
He was still going on, and I had to snap my fingers in front of his face to get his attention, "Dude, where's everyone else?!"
Rob nodded somewhat stupidly and grabbed me along with him to a backroom the tavern rented out for players, where the rest of the group was going into hysterics, with Kim leading the charge, "This sucks! I've got class and work!"
Temur quirked an eyebrow, "Seriously?! That's your concern right now?! What happens when we have to go to the bathroom out there?"
It was devolving rapidly. I slammed the door of the backroom to get everyone's attention, "Everyone! Okay, look, there's some sort of bug, I get it, and we've all got stuff here. Now, let's just chill out for a minute. Is there anyone here who's living alone? Me and Rob are together, but my sister should come at some point to get us."
Everyone shook their heads, "Okay, then it's just a delay, alright? Something like this is going to make news, and the GMs may have just suspended logout or something to deal with it, okay? Everyone stay here while I go see if I can find out more, but we'd best party up."
Establishing a party gave us a location on one another, and with at least some sort of plan, they were calming down, "Rob, you're with me. Everyone else, stay here."
We got free of the now completely packed out tavern, and I grabbed Rob to motion him down an unoccupied side street, "We need to talk."
"Yeah, dude. If they were gonna log us out, they'd have done it while we were all down for the night, or at least made some sort of server announcement even if they weren't," Rob replied.
I closed my eyes. I needed to think, "Okay, let's work it through. We know that all the settings are gone, and... yeah, the real-world clock is gone, too. Something bigger is wrong here... respawn's at the cathedral, right? Someone must've been dumb enough to die by now."
We got back to the cathedral and went inside by the dais where those respawning would appear. It was empty except for a group of freaked out players who were going into full-blown panic, "HEY! You guys waiting on people to come back?"
An elven woman nodded, "My brother Tom. He should've already respawned by now. We tried to run that bandit encounter, and he went right after the leader."
The bandit quest had been in the stack we grabbed but hadn't gotten to it, "Okay, anyone else?"
Heads nodded all around. I spared a look to my friend, and he was faltering, so I regarded the others, "Okay, looks like we have... about eight people here? Everyone party up, and come with me. We've got a backroom at the tavern. We can wait there."
Rob was drifting. Oh, hell. This wasn't shaping up well, and the view was getting more dire as we went along. No logging out, the GMs weren't forcibly ejecting folks or shutting off the servers, no access to anything outside the game, and now, no respawn. There weren't any answers, just more problems. The server was going into a complete panic, complete with anime references back and forth. The newly minted party followed us back to the tavern, and as I closed the door, Kim came up, "Did you figure out what's happening?"
"Yeah. It's not good."
I motioned her to sit, and everyone else took seats around the room, looking to me, "I'm pretty sure we're trapped here, at least for the time being. I don't know what's going on with respawning, but neither does anyone else, so for now, we assume that they're more or less okay, but we can't risk dying just to test it. We don't have anyway right now to contact anyone, and the server's flipping out. For those of you who are new, I'm Lugh, and the half-orc beside me is my friend Khargol, and we're gonna help keep everyone safe."
Royal Road Patreon

Lifelong insomniac here; curious what has worked for others?
Over the years I have tried Ambien, Lunesta, Trazadone, Lorazepam, and Mirtazapine, melatonin, magnesium as well as over the counter medications. My experiences (from what I can remember) were as follows:

• Ambien: I took this for a while and it worked well; however, it eventually lost its effectiveness
  
• Lunesta, Tylenol PM: did not work and left me very drowsy
  
• Trazadone, magnesium, & melatonin: generally can’t tell much of a difference if I take it or now
  
• Lorazepam: this has been the most effective for me and worked for years (as long as I limit it to no more than 3x/week); however, my doctor advised I discontinue use as it has some serious effects from taking it long term
  
• Mirtazapine: this works if I take it sparingly; however, it makes me SO drowsy the next day. If I take it regularly the drowsiness wears off, but it also loses its effectiveness
  

Is there anything else people have tried that have worked? Should I give Ambien or Trazadone another try, given it has been a few years since last taking it? I honestly don’t exercise, which I know will help my sleep, but I have suffered from insomnia since I was a child so I doubt it will completely take care of the issue.
Thankfully I do not suffer from insomnia every night, but I tend to go through periods of time (which last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks) where I have bad insomnia followed by periods where I sleep fine. Oftentimes my mind just races at night. I also have 3 young kids that still regularly wake during the night, so that certainly does not help.
I appreciate any advice!

i’ve been taking .5mg ketotifen before bed since january. i look forward to taking it at night because it relieves sooo much of my pain and discomfort. however, i felt like by the time i wake and start my day, the effects are gone. my doc said it should cover me for 24 hrs but i honestly feel like i need it more often. is this possible? i considered asking for a larger dose, but the .5 mg already makes me so drowsy and if it’s wearing off that quickly would a larger dose really help? i know i should talk to my doc about this which i’m going to, but wanted to see what everyone else does with ketotifen and their experience with dosing. maybe i can gather some ideas to bring up with my doctor.
for context i am diagnosed with pots dysautonomia and we suspect histamine is a driving issue for me since i respond beautifully to h1/h2 protocols. when the antihistamines weren’t enough we started to play w the mast cell stabilizers which helped more, but still not enough. experimenting with small doses has proved that mast cell treatment gives me relief, of my symptoms, but never for long so i am still bedridden. i’m pretty sure i need more aggressive treatment, which we are working on. even though i do not show up positive on testing, two doctors i have been to have comfortably diagnosed me with MCAS due to my history of POTS, hEDS, allergies and positive response to antihistamines. i just don’t present with skin issues, largely GI and cardiovascular related symptoms. realizing histamine is at the forefront of my symptoms has been a game changer after so many years of suffering. i can’t wait to fine tune my treatment for even more relief.
thank you!

My cat went in for a Dental cleaning today, they put him under and when I picked him up I was given a discharge paper and was told that he may be drowsy and instructed on how to feed him. He came home and it’s been 10hrs since I picked him up and around 8 since we got home. the paper said to limit him jumping on furniture and using the stairs. He’s practically back to his usual self aside from some shaking when he gets too excited (ie. standing on his back legs when he sees it’s time to eat but he may have always done this the little guy loves wet food). How long do these instructions have to be followed and how long does it usually take for anesthesia to wear off.
Additional info- he sleeps upstairs with me in my room, he loves his cat tower, and his fountain is upstairs. I’ve been downstairs all day as he prefers to be where I am, but I’m worried that when I fall asleep he’s gonna go upstairs before he’s meant to, and I don’t wanna carry him up and shut him in bc his litter box is downstairs.
Sorry if this is poorly written I’ve been up since 6am and it’s now almost 1am now.

Currently day 2 of my first ever HI. I got probably a really bad sunburn on Sunday. It wasn't quite blistering, but I think another 5 minutes in the sun and it would have. It covered my upper back. Tuesday afternoon I'm hit with HI - you already know, the writhing, the crying, the yelping, the unbearable pain, like thousands of tiny needles stabbing bone-deep over and over. Honestly the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Tuesday night was rough, but it's now Wednesday evening, and other than a few sharp twinges here and there, I FEEL as though I'm almost out of the woods with this. I thought I'd leave some advice as to what helped me get through the worst of it, and hopefully it might help you.
1. Heat
I read lots about taking a piping hot shower. I personally didn't do this as it was a shower that triggered my HI and I was worried about aggravating it, however, it seems to offer temporarily relief for most. For me, it was the hair dryer method that offered instantaneous relief. Flick the setting onto warm and hold (a distance) away from the affected area. Also, and I haven't seen anyone write about this yet, but I used a heat pack (one of those soft ones that you microwave, but a hot water bottle would've also worked). Even though I don't recommend contact to the skin, I was desperate, and holding the heatpack to the affected area did help me get to sleep. In the beginning I tried ice packs, and found heat to offer far superior relief.
2. Medication
I took a combination of ibuprofen, paracetamol, and antihistamines. The antihistamine I probably took more than recommended, which I'm not exactly endorsing, but again I was just desperate. If anything the drowsiness they cause was a tad helpful in allowing me to sleep through most of it. I don't recommend applying any medicinal or antiseptic creams to the burn - I did this with Sudocrem at the start and I'm pretty sure it helped to trigger the onset of HI.
3. Peppermint oil
After reading about this on Reddit I did purchase some peppermint oil for immediate next day delivery. I've been using it so far throughout Day 2 and for me it does offer some relief. It has quite a cooling affect, similar to Vicks vapour rub if you're from the UK. I am just using an essential oil, and not diluting it with anything. It might be normal for your HI to feel worse immediately after or during application, but I put this down to having to rub the affected area. My method is to apply it, then immediately get the hairdryer on the area to soothe the initial burn from the contact, and then after that let the oil sit and do its cooling effect. This method seemed to work well for me whenever I felt an oncoming HI attack.
4. No contact
Do not touch the affected area if you can. I would forgo bed covers and clothing on the area, and if you must wear something over it, let it be loose and soft. I just also wouldn't bother with creams, purely because touching the area to apply them just tends to set off HI.
5. Keep busy
And I mean on the latter days, when your HI is not so severe. I found that being out and about, exercising etc., I felt pretty much free of pain... and then when I'm sitting at home, thinking about it, it seems to come on again.
In all I've found using the combination of medication, heat and peppermint oil to keep the pain at bay. But as you probably know by now, the main thing you can do is just ride it out and try not to go insane. If you have commitments, such as work, please consider just taking the day off on your HI's worst day(s). If your HI was anything like mine, you will simply lose the ability to concentrate when the pain is that constant.
I hope this helps - and you can get through this! My sunburn was not so severe, and so I hope that by tomorrow morning (by which point it would have been 36 hours or so) I'll be able to say I'm in the clear.

cross-posting on other relevant subs (pregnant, newparents, etc)
Hi all,
I'm a long-time lurker but rarely have time to come on anymore and read, much less comment or post. However since having my first child over 3 years ago and also my second a year and a half ago, I've been keeping notes on advice and product recommendations. I've taken to giving this out to friends and co-workers when I hear the happy news that they are expecting, so I thought I'd share it here as well in hopes it helps someone. Please take this with a grain of salt- I know everyone has different experiences! Please feel free to post your favorite advice or product recommendations as well if you want.
Take care, and enjoy your parenting journey!

General advice:

I'm really going to try to keep cliché's out of here as much as possible and keep this to only practical advice that I wish someone had laid out for me. But cliché's exist for a reason- they are generally true!

• The first couple months after birth/with a newborn are the hardest, with the first couple of weeks being the toughest yet. It really gets easier! That being said, those first several weeks the only goal should be survival. Don't plan to do any house projects, if you know something will need to be done (like a car oil change,taxes, etc) do it before baby arrives if possible. Do everything you can to try to make those first few weeks as easy as possible. Set up the crib/bassinet (I was convinced we were going to have more time and had neither set up. I literally put the bassinet together myself while I was in labor). Those last few months of pregnancy when you cook, make extra and freeze it. I have several good freezer prep recipes if you're looking for some. Once baby is here don't worry about cleaning the house, etc. Just survive.
• Accept help, but on your own terms. Lots of times people come offering to watch the baby but sometimes as a new mom you just feel more comfortable having baby with you. People can still help by doing the cooking and/or cleaning so you don't have to. And if you want/get time away from baby don't feel like you need to do those chores- take that time for you to sleep/showewhatever you need. Do not feel like you need to cateentertain guests. Or if you know you will, don't invite or let them over. This is YOUR time to bond with baby and recover- guard your time.
• Everything is a phase. Soak up the good stuff while you can, and know that the not so good stuff won't last forever.
• You can never give your baby too much love. You can't "spoil" a baby by holding them too much. Especially the first 3 months (known as the "4th trimester")- remember that baby was used to being "held"/cuddled and fed 24/7 in your womb. So even if you're holding them for 16 hrs/day- that's still a significant decrease than what they are used to. I know it's exhausting, but try to soak up those cuddles.
• Remember to take videos as well as pictures- those little newborn noises are precious!
• If everyone is crabby and it seems like nothing is fixing it- try to change the environment. Get everyone outside- fresh air is good for everyone. I've tried to get baby outside for at least a little bit every day of his life since getting home from the hospital (yes, even during winter in WI). If outside isn't an option try a bath.
• Take all advice with a grain of salt (even this). You know your baby/family best!

Pregnancy/Postpartum mama care:

• The "Expecting & Empowered" workouts were great. They have 3 guided workouts for each week of pregnancy to prepare you for labor and motherhood. Also follow them on IG. I give a lot of credit to them for my pretty easy pregnancy and deliveries!
• Once I started feeling sore later in pregnancy, prenatal yoga really helped me. I used an app called Prenatal Yoga by Down Dog that I really like. You have to pay for a subscription but I think you can try it for 30 days free, but I ended up paying for the subscription and actually re subscribed. They have a whole suite of apps that all fall under the same subscription - normal yoga, meditation, HIIT, and others. I think it's worth it, and I got the subscription on a black Friday deal for $24/year
• As far as labor goes- there’s so many resources and advice out there that could be a novel by itself. The only thing I’ll say is whatever your birth “plan” (if you have one)- just make sure it’s flexible and that your partner knows what it is and why so they can advocate for you. Once you’re in that pain it’s very hard to advocate for yourself.
• What I’ve learned is there is typically a sliding scale of interventions. Meaning- if you end up getting induced you’re more likely to end up getting a c-section. Ideally, you want to go into labor on your own. (when you’re ready to get that baby out, there are lots of myths out there and strategies to try. My advice- walking and sex).
• I’ve attempted 2 medication-free births but eventually gotten the epidural each time. If I have another baby I’m getting the dang epidural asap.
• So many postpartum care things to have on hand since you really won't know how your delivery will go. All the normal things like pads, and cooling pads, and peri bottle. I had a really easy birth experience so I didn't use a lot of the products I had so not much experience. But I did like the Honey Pot pads because they had a cooling effect that was pleasant but not overwhelming. I also liked having a sitz bath and bath salts to put in it.
• Fun postpartum symptoms to look forward to that no one warned me about (in addition to bleeding for 4-6ish weeks)- horrible cramping/contractions while the uterus shrinks the first week (especially happens when nursing) - hot pads and ibuprofen help, night sweats (waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby drenched with sweat and freezing because you’re so wet), strong body odor (just, why?!), hair loss (this is why I cut all of my hair off after having baby). I’m sure there are others I’ve forgotten about. So many fun things!

Breastfeeding

I highly recommend trying to breastfeed if you're able. It does make the first few weeks (which are already hard) more challenging, but after that it's so much easier! You can go places without needing bottles/wateformula (all you need is you!). Plus, sterilizing and washing bottles all the time is a drag. Plus the bonding is really special (not that you can't get this without breastfeeding). But breastfeeding is always the #1 comfort technique if baby is cranky or sick, even if he's not hungry. A few tips/info:

• Stay hydrated!!! You can designate your partner that their job is to make sure you always have accessible water. And try to make sure you have water when sitting down to nurse, cause sometimes as soon as they start nursing you feel parched.
• The first few hours/days are critical to establishing your supply. Put baby to breast at a minimum every 3 hours (day and night, set an alarm) and more often if she's awake/fussy. After your milk comes in, assuming baby starts gaining weight again, your pediatrician should give you the okay to stop the alarm during the night and feeding on demand (which will likely still be pretty frequent).during the day you basically always want to be feeding them every 3-4 hours
• Invest in some nursing bras/tanks. I didn't- thinking I would later if breastfeeding worked out. But honestly you need to give it at least 1-2 months to give it a fair shot, and you can't go that long without having clothes that make it easy. We went and got some when baby was 3 days old. Would've been better to have in advance. Target has great stuff. I lived in the same 3 nursing tanks with 5 different flannel shirts over it for the first few months.
• Set up a breastfeeding station where you can be comfy and have things you might need. I love my glider chair, and put a cart with snacks, water (drink LOTS of water), phone charger, lotion, baby nail clippers (this was the easiest time for me to trim baby's nails), etc.
• Don’t pump the first 4ish weeks as this is when your supply is established, and the pump will make your body think it needs to produce more. An oversupply can be just a big of problem as an under supply.
• The tough thing with nursing is you really don't ever get a break. Even if someone else were to give baby a bottle (which I don't recommend for the first 4ish weeks for reason above)- you need to pump to keep your supply up. At that point, it's easier to just feed the baby yourself (in my opinion). To help with this during nighttime feedings, when Matt wasn't working he would basically do everything else minus the feeding (unswaddling, changing diaper, reswaddling, etc) and just hand baby to me to nurse to make it as easy as possible on me.
• I highly recommend getting a haakaa (amazon link). When you are feeding baby on one side it triggers a let down, which can lose a lot of milk on the side baby isn't on. You can use this to capture that (plus a little more since it does suction, so you do want to be careful with this and not use it too frequently and create oversupply). I use it now after baby's long night stretch and both boobs are really full. I slowly built up a decent freezer stash using this without ever actually pumping. They also have milk collectors (amazon link) that has less suction, and you can wear these under your bra if you find you're leaking often. I got these as well but didn't really like them as much as I thought.
• You'll probably also want breast pads to catch leaking. For awhile I used the disposable ones, but eventually got these (amazon link) and like them.
• Read up on milk handling/storage. La Leche league (website) is a great resource. If you're looking for even more info- read "The womanly art of breastfeeding" written by La Leche league.
• Breastfeeding should NOT hurt! If it hurts- ask for help. Could be an issue with the baby's latch or something else, like a tongue/lip tie. Make sure before you leave the hospital you have someone look at your latch and tell you what to look for to make sure you get a good latch every time. Easier to correct earlier than later.
• That being said- for the first month-ish I had pain for about 4 seconds every time baby latched. Sounds like this is unusual as no other mom I talked to experienced this so hopefully doesn't happen to you. It eventually stopped- I think it was just my nipples getting used to the expanding. But I never had my nipples crack/bleed or anything. This is not expected/normal. Talk to someone if this is happening.
• Since you'll probably want baby to take a bottle eventually- you'll need to start this at some point. The recommendation that I've read multiple times is to wait until 4-6 weeks (after breastfeeding is fully established) before trying. Then you need to do it frequently- maybe a bottle a day. We started early and he did fine so eventually we got lazy and stopped for awhile because I didn't like pumping when he bottle-fed. Then when we started trying again in preparation for me returning to work he flat out refused and then it was much harder to persuade him back to the bottle. If this happens- the method that worked best for us was called "intermittent bottle by mom". Google it if you get in this position (or ask me questions at that point).
• Positions- at the hospital they only taught me the cradle and football hold for some reason. I later learned about the laid back position and at the time it was a game changer for me- I was so tired/sore of sitting up and hunching over for the middle of the night feeds. Laid back allowed me to be much more comfortable. Also side-lying- one of my favorite positions now.
• Breastfeeding doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can combo feed with formula if you want/need to. A fed baby and happy mama is the most important!

Sleeping

Good luck! Just kidding. So much conflicting info out there on this. I guess my number 1 tip here would be to read up on different strategies and have a plan. Being knowledgeable about different options is helpful if you need to pivot strategies in the middle of the night and you're running on very little sleep. Some questions for you to consider - will you bedshare (most families end up co-sleeping at some point. Good to know the Safe Sleep 7 in case you decide to)? Or room-share? Will you "sleep train" (which means different things to different people)? When they start getting decent stretches of sleep it is a game. changer. I will share some tips that seemed to have work for us. baby started sleeping through the night (7+ hr stretches) around 11 wks, and shortly thereafter started sleeping 10-11hr stretches. We do bed-share occasionally, even now if he wakes up between 5-6a I pull him into bed with me and nurse in a side-lying position and we both fall asleep for a bit longer. It's really lovely to be able to do this.

Generic sleep advice

• I liked the book "The happiest baby on the block". It discusses the conditions in the womb, and how to recreate those as much as possible to soothe baby, especially during the 4th trimester. (spoiler- swaddle, "shhh"/white noise fairly loud (as loud as standing next to a shower), sucking on a pacifier, swaying (movement), oriented on baby's side).
• Some resources: TakingCaraBabies. You can follow on fbook/insta- they post great stuff. She also offers classes. We have all of her classes and really think it worked well for us, and we never felt like we were leaving baby to "cry it out" alone. We never let him cry for more than 5 min. She has a newborn class, one for 3-4 mo old, and then 5 mo+. I feel like each one supported baby where they were developmentally.
• Make the sleep space as conducive to sleep as possible- cool, white noise, and as dark as possible. Seriously- invest in blackout curtains/shades. (other than naps for the first few weeks which you want to keep light/noisy to help them establish their days/nights). Babies aren't scared of the dark, any light is just stimulation.

0-3 months

• Swaddles. Highly recommend swaddling. They just can't control their limbs at this age and they'll accidently jerk one and startle themselves awake. Swaddling helps with this, and makes them feel more like they are back in the womb which is comforting. So many parents say their baby hates the swaddle, and I don't know maybe they actually do, but baby would also struggle when we were putting him in the swaddle but then he would sleep so much better. We used the Halo (amazon link) and Nested Bean (amazon link). I liked the nested bean because it had the option of swaddling with hands up or hands down, it has the weighted bean on the chest which is comforting, and you can zip the sleeves off when you are ready to transition out of the swaddle. Although- the unzipping the sleeves didn't really work for us when we were trying to transition out, at that point we got the Magic Merlin Sleep suit (amazon link) and that helped us transition out of the swaddle.
• Babies should sleep a lot. You can look up average sleep per day hours and wake windows based on baby's age. I think in baby's first few weeks he got really crabby in the evenings because we were letting him get overtired. I think in the first month the goal is that they aren't awake for more than an hour at a time. We were kinda just winging it and didn't realize we should be trying to get him down to sleep fairly soon. At this point- when they wake up you feed and change them and then basically start getting ready for sleep again. You really want to try to avoid an over-tired baby, and it happens really fast and easily.
• We had baby sleep in a sidecar bassinet so he was easy for me to grab/feed during the night. When he was around 3 months old we moved the bassinet away from the bed but still in the room so we weren't waking each other up as much.
• Just to set reasonable expectations - any sleep on their own in the bassinet is a win. Hopefully you can get some night sleep there, unlikely that any naps will happen there. We did all contact naps (meaning- holding, wearing, cuddling) for those months and started trying 1 nap/day when he was around 8 weeks in his crib. At that point any naps done in a crib is a huge win. And those will probably be short.
• Naps don't typically lengthen/mature until about 5 months old. This is normal and expected. It's good to have reasonable expectations so you're not upset with yourself/baby. It's easy to obsess over things as a mom. Don't let naps steal your joy! Try to enjoy those baby naps on you. Use it as a time to rest/relax yourself.

3mo+

• Bed time routine- important to establish a consistent routine. Same order of events, same place, and around the same time per day (we target between 7-8p). Our routine: bath (if it's bath night, which we do every 2-3 days), diaper, massage/lotion, jammies, nursing, burp, in crib for 2 books, then swaddle/merlin suit/sleep sack, turn on white noise, lay down in crib/bassinet awake with pacifier.
• Around this time we really saw a reduction in night wakings once we were able to put him down awake at bedtime and let him fall asleep on his own. Around this time their sleep pattern changes to be more like an adult- and we naturally wake up several times in the night to check out our surroundings and if all is well fall back asleep often without even knowing we were awake. Example I read- if I fall asleep in bed and awake in the night in a neighbor's bed that would cause me to fully wake up and scream/cry. Same thing with baby. If they fall asleep being rocked in your arms and wake up alone on the mattress that can be alarming. If they fall asleep on their own then when they wake up in the same environment all is well and they can go back to sleep.
• That being said- we weren't able to just go from nursing to sleep (which is what we did for the first few months) to being able to put him down awake right away. This took time/patience. We worked our way down the intervention scale- nursing to sleep, then rocking to sleep, rocking til drowsy but putting down awake then rocking in bassinet, etc.
• Around 3 months old we disconnected the sidecar bassinet and moved it across the room. Then around 4-5 mo we moved baby into his own bedroom in the crib. This worked for us but this timeline varies a lot so do what works for you

What to do with baby when awake

Legitimate question that I hadn't considered until we were in the middle of it. In the first few weeks baby really doesn't have much awake time outside of eating/diaper changes. But here are some ideas:

• Baby wear and do whatever you want!
• Tummy time
• Massage
• Sing songs
• Get outside (but try to keep baby protected from sun)
• Read books

Pumping/Milk Maintenence

• I love my pumpables genie advanced - normally $180. https://pumpables.co/products/genie-advanced. I really like the liquid shield kids that go with these as well. These go on sale a couple of times throughout the year.
• For wearable collection cups- legendairy collection cups – normally $60. https://www.legendairymilk.com/products/sillicone-collection-cups. These are nice when you want even more portability (I can pump with these in a coffee shop and no one can really even tell)
• I also had the Spectra that my insurance gave me, and it’s nice and has nice suction. But no portability.
• For the love of pete- measure your nipples and get the right size flanges!! I’m a size 17 and I think that’s the average, but for whatever reason a lot of breast pumps send larger sizes by default.
• There’s lots of pumping bras but they never felt comfy to me. Ultimately my strategy was to wear nursing bras every day so I could nurse easily morning and evening and then do the nursing bra hack (link to video) when pumping
• As far as schedule goes- for the most part I would pump 3 times during a work day. Obviously this is just a rough estimate and things change as time goes on.
  • 6aish - baby wakes up and nurses on one side while I haakaa the other
  • 8:30 (after kids have left for daycare) - pump both sides
  • 11:30 - pump
  • 2:30 - pump
  • 5:30 - nurse baby
  • 7ish - nurse baby before bed
  • (once baby is sleeping through the night) 10pm - pump before going to bed
• I think there’s a “magic number” calculator you can google that helps you calculate the right number of times to pump/time to wait between to pumps based on different factors and if you want to decrease, increase, or maintain supply.
• During the day I always store my used pump parts in an air-tight container in the refrigerator between pumps and then deconstruct and wash them at night (recommend encouraging your partner to be the designated pump part washer every night). I think the CDC goes back and forth on whether this strategy is recommended, but I never had problems and I can’t imagine washing all the pump parts every single time.
• I always used the pitcher method - pump and then combine all the milk into a “pitcher” (I used a glass mason jar). I was lucky enough to be able to send my milk to daycare like this and she would pour from it to make the bottles. I know some daycares require pre-made bottles though.
• I would send fresh milk to daycare Tue-Fri of what I pumped the day before. On Friday I would freeze all pumped milk. On Monday I’d send a small amount of milk that I got from the haakaa over the weekend but otherwise baby would get thawed frozen milk that day (always the oldest in the freezer). This strategy was nice because mostly baby is getting fresh milk and you don’t have to constantly freeze everything, but you’re also still slowly working through freezer stash so things don’t get too old.
• On Fridays for freezing this is what I’d do:
  • Pour 4 oz into an easy-pour bottle (I froze in 4 oz increments but do whatever works best for you)
  • Pour into milk freezer bag (ie, lansinoh) - remove air bubbles (google tricks and you’ll find some videos to get rid of air bubbles)
  • Seal bag and place flat on cookie sheet
  • Repeat until all milk is bagged (depending on how much remaining milk I’d either freeze a smaller bag or leave it in the fridge and combine with haakaa milk over weekend)
  • Freeze the milk bags flat on the cookie sheet if possible (I have a chest freezer that I used)
  • Once frozen - transfer flat milk bags into gallon ziploc bags, layering from the bottom. I used the sit n stand bags. Once the gallon bag is full (I could fit 12 4-oz bags in) label it with dates and a number.
  • On your freezer where you’re storing milk have a milk sign in/out sheet - (ie, bag #1 went in on 1/1/22 and was taken out 5/1/22). This way when it’s time to take another frozen bag out you can look at the sheet and know which bag you’re looking for.

Other resources/random notes

• Baby products are ridiculously expensive, and babies grow so fast they only use/wear things for very short periods of time. Highly recommend buying second hand or borrowing from friends when you can. I was all over facebook marketplace during my pregnancy.
• If you're looking for data-driven resources to read I recommend Emily Oster's two books- "Expecting Better" regarding pregnancy, and "Cribsheet" which is data on decisions from birth to preschool.
• Have a bucket with a color-safe laundry soaking option handy for soaking blow-outs or heavily spit-up items. You don’t want those to sit until you do laundry next
• We used an app to track diapers, feedings, and sleep. We used Huckleberry and liked it, but there are lots out there. For awhile the doctor will ask how many wet/dirty diapers they are having a day and there's no way I could remember that. And I also could never remember which side I breastfed last on. Or tracking sleep so I could make sure I was getting him down for naps at reasonable time. We felt this was very helpful for a bit, but after awhile it was stressing me out more than anything, and at that point we stopped using it. Use it if/as long as it seems helpful and then stop. Matt and I were both able to have it on our phones logged into the same account so we could both use it to log stuff
• It helps to have constant reminders of tips from parenting resources that line up with your parenting strategies. Some pregnancy/parenting instagram accounts I like:
  • Expecting & Empowered
  • Karrie Locher
  • Solid Starts - they also have an app with a database of foods and how to offer them to babies. Use this all the time
  • Biglittlefeelings
  • Kids.eat.in.color
  • Feedinglittles
  • Takingcarababies - sleep tips
  • Raisinggoodhumanspodcast- also listen to the podcast and really enjoy it
  • Dog meets baby
  • Milestones and Motherhood
• Once baby is in a crib- do the lasagna style bed sheet layering. Mattress protector > sheet > mattress progrector> sheet. This way if baby has an accident in the night (vomit, pee-through, excessive spitup) you can just pull off the top sheet/protector and you’re ready to go. So you need at least two mattress protectors and sheets!
• Baby wearing- as a newborn I carried baby everyday in a Solly wrap and we loved it. Once he had better head/neck control and he was more interested in looking out we got more structured carriers. I use a lillebaby now and we also have an ergo baby that Matt uses. We have them fitted to each of us so we don't have to adjust, and we got them both used from friends.
• Set up a subscribe & save for the purple desitin (highest zinc)
• Get a costco membership. Buy all the diapers there. (I believe the kirkland diapers are just re-branded huggies). Sometimes they are on sale- buy as many as you can.

Product Recommendations/Baby Registry Ideas

I mentioned at the beginning but want to reiterate- baby products are expensive and they typically aren’t used for long. Highly recommend looking to get second hand when possible - friends, thrift stores, facebook marketplace, etc. Also- definitely make baby registries because you typically get a completion discount at a certain date to buy things off the registry at a discount (typically 15%). I usually make at least an amazon and target registry for each pregnancy and then maximize those registry discounts. Also- Bullseye Deals on Ebay is a reseller of target stuff (mostly new but also used so look before buying) at a discount!

• Tubby Todd all over ointment. I use this all the time on baby- helps with baby acne, dry patches, drool rashes, etc.
• We never bought a pack n play, figuring we would buy it if/when we needed it and we never have. I ended up buying a travel crib instead for traveling where we wouldn't have a crib (to Turks and Caicos). Both sets of grandparents had a pack n play we use when visiting, and most hotels offer them too. But when we actually needed one I was glad to take a travel crib instead of a pack n play (more portable and more comfortable for baby). Really like ours- Lotus Travel Crib
• Baby monitors - I do NOT recommend the nanit. We got it with baby and it was nice for the first year, but then after a year they hide all of the useful features behind a hefty subscription. This made me angry since the camera already is expensive. Plus at the time it didn’t support monitoring two babies but I think they’ve added that since then so that’s probably moot. We use a VTech camera monitor now that has two cameras and can monitor both kids at the same time.
• In addition to the camera monitor we also have cheap audio-only monitors in each kids room that we keep next to our bed (so audio only monitors stay in our bedroom just for during the night, then we have the video monitor on our main level for during the day).
• Snoo bassinet. For our first I swore I would never spend this much money for a product that would only be used for a few months. 1 month into our second and I broke down and got one for the hope it would help us sleep even just a little bit more. It worked for us!
• Baby shoes (once walking)- we love stride rite shoes for early walkers. You want a soft-soled shoe while they are learning to walk (or bare foot is best when safe!). You also want a shoe with a wide toe-box so their toes have room to splay out like they should. Croc Classic clogs are also great little kid shoes especially for summewater and really hold up (they have a much wider toe box than the Native brand shoes).
• Kamik winter boots for toddlers are the best boots that I’ve found- easy to put on (this is key!) and warm and dry.
• These are the best baby socks. None of the other ones we’ve tried stay on, and the grippies are key once they start walking.
• Sun safety: Sunday Afternoons sun hats are the best. ThinkBaby sunscreen is what we’ve used and trust (Thinksport is the same thing and sometimes cheaper). Although these Babyganics sunscreen sticks are also nice to have in diaper bags. These refillable roll-on sunscreen applicators are also kinda nifty.
• Absolutely love these diaper cream applicators (we call them the butt spatulas).
• Bath time safety: you need these cushions and spout cover.
• Car seats: I definitely recommend getting an infant car seat for the first year-ish as it’s just so much easier to lug baby around in an infant car seat as opposed to a bigger convertible car seat (infant car seats click out of the car so if baby falls asleep or whatever you can leave them in the seat. They can also click into strollers or other things). Convertible car seats are bigger and stay in the car.
  • I don’t have a strong recommendation for infant car seats- we used the Chicco keyfit system and have no complaints. If baby will be transported in multiple cars then ideal to get multiple bases.
  • Once baby outgrows the infant car seat (or you’re just ready to move on)- I highly recommend getting a revolving convertible car seat. The revolving feature is so clutch and makes it so much easier to get kids in/out! When I got ours these were pretty new to the market so there weren’t many options, but I got the Evenflo Revolve 360 and have no complaints. Love it. These revolve ones are certainly expensive, but they do go on sale periodically (especially black friday!). Key things to look for:
    • high rear-facing weight and height limits. Ideally keep kiddos rear-facing as long as possible because it’s safer, so having a car seat with higher limits makes that possible.
    • Fabrics/covers that are washable
    • Ideally 4 in 1 or at least 3 in 1 so it converts to a booster and kids can use it longer.
• Diaper bags are super personal preference, but after trying a couple I love my jujube ones hands down more than any other. They are pricey but go one sale on amazon sometimes.
• Get a quality thermometer. I’ve tried several but this is the winner. I believe docs recommend rectal ones for the first year, but personally I like the ear ones like this. Braun is what they use in the doctors offices I believe.
• Cups: When you start offering solid foods you typically also start offering water. We use the Munchkin weighted straw cups for water. Once they are done with bottles (around a year) we use the Munchkin 360 training cup for milk.
• You’ll need bibs when kiddo starts eating - recommend silicone ones.
• The Nose Frida snotsucker is certainly effective and I’ve always been glad to have it when I need it, but be prepared to get sick also.

CT: the sun and moon, the user has the mark of the sun on they forhead and it changes to the moon at sunset and back to the on dawn, its effect is baisicly sun light, can use fire and heat on the day but on a 2 meter range, as well as light can use X-ray and light to change one's color for invisibility or x-ray vision, as well as photosynthis which is for healing but it takes time depending on the damage sustained, ultra violet radiation for energy boost for a certain amout of time which (1.5 multiplier) but it will poisen's one's skin or burn it but said ability can be used on others as well to boost their energy and/or poisen them.
for the moon which is the lesser offensive side, it can inact light for mild illusions which puts one's mind on a trans and makes pain pleasure which confuses the muscles and the brain and depending on the user it might make them feel drowsy and asleep, or for blinding by taking light off the whole field, same light when used on curses can attract them, user can mark an indivtual with the moon mark and curses will be attract towards them as well as shikigami, i call it, cursed full moon
weakness:"during sunset and dawn the mark on one's forhead will disappear making them unable to use either abilities for a duration amount of time.
the sun drains lots of cursed energy and spamming will make the used technique cause retroactive damage (fire will burn the user, violet radiation causes skin to boil and fall off and poisen...etc)
moon is lacking in terms of offense and defence
user does not have RCE, due to the technique being able to reverse itself depending on time period.
CE trait:"an aurora like cursed energy, beautiful"
maximum:"a supernova explosion which covers a 99 meter range on the sun state making one a literal cosmic bomb. but since its "the sun state" it might back fire and causes so much heat one skin will be burned, depends on how much energy used and moon is the ability to interfer with people's dreams during their sleep, interacting with them in an inate domain, if killed wether the user or the target they will be brain dead forever or a coma depending on the damage inside the dream "
DE:" in a closed barrier domain its an eclipse like orbit in a vacume of space looking field similar to naoya's but its an eclips instead of the eyeball, the effect is the user cannot use either abilities instead granted a high full access to gravtational power and gravity that can affect even inanimate objects if inside the domain
in an open domain the user can use the sun and moon abilties with a sure hit attack without the side effects in exchange for the gravity power in a closed barrier domain"
cursed tool:" a black antique pocket watch which depending on the time the watch is on, the biological clock of the body of the user will inact on as if its the standard time while they are wearing it at as a knecklace or holding it in their hand which makes the user able to change between the sun and moon states by changing the clockwise, can be used twice per day. losing contact with the pocket watch will reset the biological watch to default and deciding if its day time or night time will depend on how many times the user flips the clockwise per spin which can make changing time a bit tricky sometimes or confusing if the user forgets the previous settings unless they track it by the mark on their forhead"

So, I have a raft of chronic health problems. As best we can figure, I have post-viral stuff~ going on, from a stomach bug when I was in my early teens (I'm in my mid-30s now).
Basically, I have IBS, MDD, GAD, ADHD, CPTSD, IST, POTS, PCOS, GERD (hiatal hernia), chronic rhinosinusitus, sleep apnea (essentially untreated because the CPAP is intolerable), severe (very severe) bruxism, I'm technically Dx'd with fibromyalgia but none of my current doctors seem to hold much with it, and a couple handfuls of apparently solitary problems; stuff like migraines, some true allergies, dental issues despite good dental hygiene. For my allergies, some more or less certain than others: severe nickel allergy, Dx'd ethyl alcohol allergy by history (any and all alcoholic drinks give/gave me hives and made me flush and turn red, upset my stomach and make me feel immediately hungover, though it was an off and on thing until I quit drinking entirely), HDM, cats (I've been allergic to cats on and off since I was a teen and two immediate relatives developed the allergy either after pregnancy or puberty. I have owned cats for over 10 years.) Also I'm lactose intolerant. I'm... unclear on if I'm allergic to dairy or not, my doctors are disagreeing and no one seems interested in destabilizing me since I'm doing okay-ish on my meds atm, of which there are a fuckton.
It's been suggested I have: EDS, MCAS or histamine intolerance, some kind of primary immunodeficiency I guess. I'll be seeing an allergist/immunologist soon about the chronic sinus infection and the possible-MCAS stuff too. I was previously seen nearly a decade ago by an allergist/immunologist and that's when I found out about the chronic sinus infection thing, I did a bunch of antibiotics and a vaccine but it never totally resolved the issue and the infections are becoming a quarterly event again. I had basically no titers for Strep pneumoniae. Sorry for any unnecessary info, there's just a lot been going on, particularly since around January, and I'm just so in it that I feel like I'm drowning. I was seeing an allergist for a couple months around March but all of my loved ones hate him, my patient advocate says he's an asshole, and my best friend wants to fistfight him, to give you an idea of what kind of doctor he is.
I've had food issues since I was a teenager and the stomach bug, I became lactose intolerant/dairy allergic a year or two later. I got covid January 2022 (was vaccinated and boosted) and by mid March I decided to cut beef out of my diet entirely because eating it was agony. Basically my GI symptoms were constant but manageable when I became an adult, but after I got covid they drastically worsened back to the level of when I was a teen, and things have gotten worse since then. I started reacting to more and more foods and my triggers had already been mostly a mystery. I lost around 20% of my bodyweight in three months I think during that time, and my weight has been unstable in a 15lb range since then, when it's been pretty stable otherwise my whole life. My GI insisted that even though vomiting and weight loss aren't typical of IBS-D that my symptom presentation is typical enough that it's fine and not worth investigating. I had a colonoscopy/endoscopy last year and it was all normal excepting the hernia.
Last year around July I picked up a cross stitch hobby and forgot that needles probably have nickel in them. I started reacting within a week (hives, dyshidrotic eczema) and immediately started following my normal protocol when I've had too much nickel exposure, cutting out all suspect metal contact with the exception of house fixtures since that's always been sufficient in the past. It took a year for things to calm down after my first really bad nickel flare but I've been able to manage it before. Well, it didn't work this time and I remained super reactive. I was also stung a couple times by bees during this time, I was allergic to them as an adolescent but seemed normal this time. I started getting hives constantly, my stomach was an absolute disaster, my face and chest were flushed and I developed a minor rash on my face, my IST/POTS is normally fairly well controlled but I've been more symptomatic (my electrophysiologist has raised my ivabradine to compensate). Anyway, I ended up in the ER early February because I just couldn't eat or hydrate and even when I have to stop eating for a couple days so my gut will calm tf down I've always been able to tolerate water. I've also had a marked increase in my respiratory infections the past couple years. They never really went away and I did have a few years where I was getting bronchitis instead of sinus infections, but they've become much more frequent, though I do routinely get pretty sick when I'm feeling rundown. Idk if I'm just so run ragged that's why I'm getting sick or what. I also WFH and have become, well, a bit of a shut-in, so I'm not exposed to other peoples' illness as much, though my husband does interact with people with his work.
I got prescribed an epipen by my PCP a couple days after the ER, I'd never had one before. I started Allegra and Pepcid once a day on my own, my PCP got me an emergency appointment with an allergist who raised me to twice a day. Pepcid has had the single greatest and most positive impact on my gut symptoms to date, it's kind of maddening. Here I was thinking the anti-spasmodic my GI put me on was a miracle drug, and Pepcid of all things has had more of an effect with less side effects. I was taking azelastaine and Flonase (as needed) but the azelastaine made my nose bleed and I hate how they make me feel so I was told to stop.
The asshole allergist acknowledged that I might have MCAS or systemic nickel allergy syndrome but also said I definitely don't have it because my tryptase came back only slightly elevated twice and SNAS is incredibly rare. I know that that's a bad reason to rule out MCAS but I just don't know what to think or believe. He also said he thinks I have "too much histamine in [my] gut" on a phone call but when I asked him about it at my next appointment he claimed he didn't remember saying that and refused to discuss it further. He doesn't think I'm allergic to dairy (bloodwork came back .25 kU/L) because it would be super rare to have developed a dairy allergy and it not be congenital. I told him I wanted to do an oral challenge (based on several studies, I didn't just come up with it for no reason), he said there was no point and I could just drink milk at home and see what happens, I told him I knew that I would immediately and violently vomit because that's always what happens if I drink regular milk, he said okay then I should avoid lactose (which I already do) and he guesses I could avoid dairy entirely if I want to make my life even more difficult. I hate him. His resident tested me for common variable immunodeficiency, those levels are normal which she said is reassuring. My total IgE has been floating around 95-110, which I guess is abnormal enough to remark upon but also not indicative of anything? My new ENT (sinus specialist) said I almost certainly am allergic to dairy. She was very insistent that I not see asshole allergist anymore and I'm gonna see an allergist she works closely with "on cases like mine". She suggested I have a MCAD and said I may need to start taking a biologic like Xolair, but that's up to the allergist. I'd heard of it because of this sub but I did some more reading and it seems like an awfully intense medication considering all the ???? surrounding me, and I didn't know it's an injection. She put me on a pretty intense antibiotic sinus rinse and oral antibiotic regimen for the next 4-6 weeks and recommended I add a probiotic, I chose the Seeking Health probiota histamineX one. I think it's helping but it could be I recovered well after the antibiotic bomb to treat the most severe sinus infection I've ever had in my entire goddamn life a couple weeks ago.
I have no goddamn clue what is happening to me. Like, I've been a polypharm patient for half my life, but this is getting truly ridiculous. I had to add a potassium supplement because I had to stop eating bananas and the POTS stuff made the lack very noticeable, I can't eat chocolate, if I even look at beef it comes for my soul, now that I know I have a house dust mite allergy I need to worry about developing a shellfish allergy if I don't already have one and I know it sounds stupid but having to give up sushi and seafood makes me want to cry, I've already had to give up so much. The only reason I'm not surviving on like, rice right now is because my husband is the best home cook that's ever existed. I'm putting my cats on an additive to neutralize their dander. It would be insanely cost-prohibitive to dehumidify our home, I live in an extremely humid environment. Raising the ivabradine brought back the light phosphenes so now I can't drive at night again, the antihistamines make me drowsy. I had to have my birth control implant changed because the end of its life + covid booster late last year has had me bleeding constantly since then so I had to replace it early so on top of all this other BULLSHIT I'm bleeding too. I'm up to 17 pills a day and the antibiotic rinse which I've realized I literally cannot bring myself to do. I have a phobia of drowning or suffocating and I didn't think twice a day for a month would be so much worse than what I did before (once a day for two weeks), but I just can't do it, I really can't, I've been trying and doing it but it's just so fucking stressful. I'm incredibly fortunate to have the job that I do, because I don't know how I'd be employed with a less understanding boss. I've been having weekly breakdowns if I think about all of this too personally, I bought Dr Afrin's book and read part of it but now it seems more like I might have histamine intolerance than MCAS? I want to read more but I'm just so overwhelmed. Idek if I belong here.
I know I probably have EDS, it's been getting brought up since I was a teenager. I know I have POTS, I knew MCAS was a possibility when I first learned about it, about four or five years ago. I've had weird allergy issues for a long time. I know that doctors lie and gaslight and that asshole allergist was literally trying to gaslight me right in front of my husband, but I also worry that I'm... borrowing trouble? Doctors said I might have EDS and me and my advocate and the referral department tried everything to get any genetics clinic in the state to see me, or to get me to see another specialist who would actually look at the diagnostic criteria and it didn't work. Not even a HSD consideration. I'm scared that's going to happen now, that everyone's gonna give up and I'm gonna have no choice but to give up, when I'm so unstable. I tried to cut back on the Allegra and started developing hives again within 24 hours. I thought, because I'd been feeling more and more better as I've been on the antihistamines that maybe I'd have more breathing room, I guess? Now I feel like I've been on the edge of a cliff but thought I was six feet back. And if this is me, medicated, so unstable that lowering my Allegra dosage had such an immediate response, where the fuck was I before then??
Idk what I'm doing here. I originally made this post because there was another one that mentioned medical alert bracelets and idk if I should get one? I don't want to get one and then forget I'm wearing it and go to a doctor appointment and have them flip out on me. You guys might tell me that this is not a possible MCAS thing at all. I want to be safe, but I don't want to damage what credibility I have with my doctors and I know I already look bad with all the problems and medications. I am aware that I'm not really able to think clearly about this stuff. When asshole allergist was going on about the tryptase and getting another test (that he was 100% sure would be normal) I did seriously consider going to town on all the stuff that makes me sick before and during the specimen collection. My husband said no though, and he's not super medically aware outside of my dietary requirements.
Can someone please give me a reality check? Part of me worries that I'm not even actually that sick and my doctors are just throwing stuff at me to shut me up. I'm terrified they're gonna change my meds again, I've had so many new meds and dosage changes, they're usually always so careful to not change too many things at once. I'm also worried that I'm underreacting and my doctors up until the ENT sinus specialist haven't been educated enough to give me a clear idea of the risks.
My meds are: - Omeprazole 40mg (intending to lower back to 20mg bc of the Pepcid) - Bupropion XL 300mg - Klonopin .5mg (Respectfully, I don't want to hear anything about stopping this. That's the goal, it's just not advisable atm and I agree with the three docs who want to keep me on it for now.) - Adderall ER 20mg as needed - Famotidine 20mg twice a day - Ivabradine 7.5mg twice a day - Metoprolol 25mg twice a day - Fexofenadine 180mg two pills twice a day - Potassium supplement - Vit D supplement - Seeking Health Probiota HistamineX 10 billion CFU - Antibiotic

I have read Moms on Call, I’ve heard about Taking Cara Babies and the Ferber Method, but Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubief has been my saving grace. I need answers to all of the but what if this, then whats? And Alexis answers it all. I found her book very in depth but brief, and an easy/funny read. I started reading when my son was 5.5 months old and planned to start sleep training around 6 months. With family visiting, I’ve put it off until tonight (6.5 months) and finally just ripped the bandaid off. I have bed shared following the safe sleep 7 since he was born, and within the last month started putting him in his crib asleep for atleast half of the night. He could probably sleep the whole night in the crib but by that 3am feed I just cannot bring myself to fully get up with him. Tonight, I put him in his crib drowsy but awake. For months, we have followed a strict bedtime routine, the room is blacked out, we have 2 sound machines, and he wears a sleep sack. I fed him, rocked, patted, and sang to him until he seemed to settle on my shoulder and start humming. When he does this, I know he’s close. I took that as my cue to put him in his crib. I said my good nights and I love yous and quickly exited the room. I set a 15 minute timer, and he fell asleep RIGHT as my timer went off! He spent 12 of the 15 minutes intermittently rolling around, scooting up, humming, blowing bubbles. He cried 3 times, each about 5 minutes apart but for no more than a minute, and never got to a scream. He has cried for longer in the car on the way home from the grocery store. I feel happy, relieved and so PROUD that we were able to do this so stress free. I know everyone says it takes a minimum of 5 nights to see the success and progress, but for the first time since even considering sleep training, I feel like we can do this, that this is 100% possible.
Edit: as per the safe sleep 7, we breastfeed, no formula, and he’s only started trying foods, not actually weaning or eating for calories, just fun.
Edit: I also lay a warming pad in his crib that usually keeps him from popping awake when we set him down, but this didn’t seem to matter too much as he just scooted up the crib. I’ll continue to do this in case he learns to not scoot up and hit his head on the crib, and just settle into the warm spot instead.

Readily, dear Hermesianax, most honoured of my many kinsmen, and in due order will I expound the forms of savage creatures and their deadly injuries which smite one unforeseen, and the countering remedy for the harm. And the toiling ploughman, the herdsman, and the woodcutter, whenever in forest or at the plough one of them fastens its deadly fang upon him, shall respect you for your learning in such means for averting sickness.
Now I would have you know, men say that noxious spiders, together with the grievous reptiles and vipers and the earth's countless burdens, are of the Titans' blood - 10 if indeed he spoke the truth, Ascraean Hesiod on the steeps of secluded Melissēeis by the waters of Permessus. And it was the Titan's daughter who sent forth the blighting scorpion with sharpened sting, when she compassed an evil end for Boeotian Orion, and attacked him after he had laid violent hands upon the immaculate raiment of the goddess. Thereupon the scorpion, which had lurked unobserved beneath a small stone, struck him in the ankle of his strong foot. But Orion's wondrous sign is set conspicuous, fixed there amid the constellations, 20 as of one hunting, dazzling to behold.
You for your part will easily chase and dispel all creeping things from farmstead and cottage, or from steep bank, or from couch of natural herbage, in the hour when, to shun parching summer's fiery breath, beneath the sky you make your bed on straw at nightfall in the fields and sleep, or else beside some unwooded hill or on the edge of a glen, where poisonous creatures feed in multitudes upon the forest, or beside the levelled perimeter of the threshing-floor, and where the grass 30 at its first burgeoning brings bloom to the shady water-meadows, at the time when the snake sloughs the withered scales of age, moving feebly forward, when in spring he leaves his den, and his sight is dim; but a meal of the fennel's sappy shoots makes him swift and bright of eye.
You may expel the hot and harmful doom that snakes bring, if you char the tined horn of a stag, or else set fire to dry lignite, which not even the violence of a fierce flame consumes. Cast also upon the fire the foliage of the male fern with its cloven fronds, 40 or take the heated root of the frankincense-tree mixed with an equal measure of garden-cress; and mingle the fresh, pungent horn of a roe, putting an equal weight of it in the balance. Burn also a portion no less heavy of the strong-smelling black cumin, or else of sulphur, or again of bitumen. Or you may ignite in the fire the Thracian stone, which when soaked in water glows, yet quenches its brightness at the least smell of a drop of oil. Herdsmen gather it for themselves from the river of Thrace which they call Pontus, where the Thracian shepherds 50 who eat ram's flesh so follow after their leisurely flocks. Again, the heavy-scented juice of all-heal stimulated over a fire, and the stinging nettle, and cedar cut with saws and ground to dust by their many-toothed jaws, produce in burning a smoky and repellent stench. With these means you may clear hollow clefts and couches in the woods, and may sink upon the ground and take your fill of sleep.
But if these things involve trouble, and night brings bed-time near, and you are longing for rest when your work is done, then gather to yourself among the eddies of some rushing river 60 the water-loving, leafy mint, for it grows in plenty by streams and is fed with the moisture about their edges, as it delights in gleaming rivers. Or you should cut and strew beneath you the flowering willow, or the strong-smelling hulwort, which has a most offensive odour; so too have viper's bugloss and the leaves of marjoram, aye, or of wormwood, which grows wild upon the hills in some chalky glen, or of tufted thyme from pasture-lands : tenacious of life it draws sustenance from a damp soil, deep-rooted, ever furnished with hairy leaves. 70 And you should mark the pale spikes of the low-growing fleabane and of the agnus castus, and the pungent stinking bean-trefoil. Likewise cut the rough twigs of the pomegranate, or else young and flourishing shoots of the asphodel, and deadly nightshade, and the horrid hypericum which injures the herdsman in the springtime when his cows are poisoned by eating the stalks; and further stems of the heavy-scented sulphurwort whose very odour scares snakes and chases them away should they approach you. so place some of these by you wherever you make a casual couch in the fields; others where snakes lurk, and a double quantity at their holes.
80 Now make in an earthen vessel or an oil-flask a paste of juniper berries and anoint your supple limbs - or of the heavy-scented sulphurwort; or else pound thoroughly in oil the dried leaves of fleabane from the hills, and likewise the healing salvia, adding the root of silphium, which the grater's teeth should grind small - many a time too have noxious creatures fled in terror from the scent of a man's spittle. But if you rub a caterpillar from the garden in a little vinegar, the dewy caterpillar with a green back, or if you anoint your limbs all about with the teeming fruit of the marsh mallow, 90 then you will pass the night unscathed. Also cast in and rub down in the stony heart of a mortar two leafy sprays of wormwood mixed with garden cress - an obol's weight is suitable - and with a pestle pound therein to smoothness a handful of fresh berries from the bay; then mould into rounds and put to dry in a shady, wind-swept spot; when dry break them in pieces in an oil-flask, and you can anoint your limbs with it at once.
If however you can cast snakes coupled at a crossroads, alive and just mating, into a pot, and the following medicaments besides, 100 you have a preventive against deadly disasters. Throw in thirty drachmas' weight of the marrow of a freshly killed stag and one-third of a chous of rose-oil, - essence which perfumers style 'prime' and 'medium' and 'well-ground' - and pour on an equal measure of raw, gleaming oil and one-quarter of wax. These you must quickly heat in a round, bellying pot until the fleshy portions are softened and come in pieces about the spine. Next take a shaped, well-made pestle and pound up these many ingredients in a mixture with the snakes; 110 but cast aside the vertebrae, for in them a venom no less deadly is engendered. Then anoint all your limbs, be it for a journey or for a sleep or when you gird yourself after work at the threshing-floor in summer's drought and with pronged forks winnow the high pile of grain.
But if you should chance to come upon biting creatures when your skin is un-medicined and you are fasting - that is the time when disaster strikes a man - you may readily save yourself by our precepts. It is the female snake that attacks with its bite those who encounter it; besides, it is thicker right down to the trailing tail, 120 and for that reason the doom of death will come more swiftly. But chiefly in summer must you be on your guard against harmful snakes, observing the rising of the Pleiads, those smaller stars which graze the tail of the bull in their course, when the dipsas either sleeps unfed with the young it broods, lurking in the recesses of its hole, or when it makes eagerly for its feeding-ground, or when therefrom, sated with the forest, it goes sleepily to its lair. Beware of meeting at the crossroads the dusky male viper when he has escaped from her bite and is maddened by the blow of the smoke-hued female, 130 in the season when, as the male covers her, the lustful female fastens upon him, tearing him with her foul fang, and cuts off the head of her mate; but forthwith in the act of birth the young vipers avenge their sire's destruction, since they gnaw through their mother's thin flank and thereby are born motherless. For alone of snakes the female viper is burdened with pregnancy, whereas oviparous snakes of the forest warm a membrane-enclosed brood. Beware too when the viper, having doffed the wrinkled scales of age, comes abroad again exulting in his new-found youth; beware when, after escaping in his hole from the trampling feet of deer, 140 he darts in fury his limb-corroding venom at men; for red deer and roe cherish a special anger towards long reptiles and track them down, exploring on every side stone-heaps, walls, and lurking-places, following hard after them with the dreadful breath of their nostrils.
Furthermore the snow-capped crags of Othrys too bear deadly serpents, and hollow gully and rough crags and woodland scaur, where haunts the thirst-provoking seps. It has a varying hue and not one alone, ever taking the colour of the place wherein it has made its hole. 150 Those that live in stony ground and cairns are smaller but fierce and irascible: no bite of theirs can fail of effect on man, but is malignant. Another's body is like a land-snail; yet another has scales of greenish hue which variegate its huge coil; and many there are that frequent dusty places and make their coils rough by wriggling in the sand.
Consider now the murderous asp, bristling with dry scales, the most sluggish of all snakes. 160 Its form is terrifying, but when in movement, it uncoils its weight slowly and ever seems to wear a fixed look in its drowsy eyes. Yet when it hears some strange noise or sees a bright light, it throws off from its body dull sleep and wreathes its coil in a circular ring upon the ground, and in the midst it rears its head, bristling in deadly fashion. Its length, horrible beyond that of any other of earth's creatures, measures a fathom, and its thickness is seen to be that 170 which a spear-maker fashions for a hunting-spear for fighting bulls and deep-voiced lions. Sometimes the colour spread over its back is dust-like, sometimes it is the yellow of a quince and sheeny, at other times an ashen hue, but often, when it grows dark with Aethiop soil, a smoky brown like the sludge which the many-mouthed Nile in flood pours into the sea, as it dashes against the waves. Above the brow over the eyes there appear, as it were, two calluses, while its eye beneath them glows bright red aloft over its coil and its dust-coloured neck swells up as it hisses continuously, 180 when in the violence of its wrath it fastens death upon wayfarers who meet it. It has four fangs, their underside hollow, hooked, and long, rooted in its jaws, containing poison, and at their base a covering of membranes hides them. Thence it belches forth poison unassuageable on a body. Be they no friends of mine whose heads these monsters assail. For no bite appears on the flesh, no deadly swelling with inflammation, but the man dies without pain, and a slumberous lethargy brings life's end.
190 Now the ichneumon alone escapes unharmed the asp's onset, both when it comes to fight and when it breaks on the ground all the baneful eggs which the deadly serpent is brooding, as it shakes them out from their membranes by biting them and crushes them in its destroying teeth. The form of this snake-tracking creature is that of the puny marten which seeks the destruction of domestic fowls, snatching them from their perches as they sleep, where they roost upon a beam or foster their feeble chicks, keeping them warm beneath their breast. 200 But when amid Egypt's rush-grown water-meadows they join with the wriggling asps in a fearsome struggle, forthwith the Ichneumon leaps into the river, strikes the slimy bottom with its paws, and rolling its small body smears its limbs at once with the mud, against the time when the Dog-Star's heat has dried its fur and made it so that no fang may rend it. And then it either springs upon the frightful head of the reptile with the flickering tongue and bites it, or seizing it by the tail, sends it rolling into the weedy river.
You would do well to mark the various forms of the viper. It may be long, it may be short; 210 for so Europe and Asia breed them, but you will not find them alike. Thus, in Europe they are smaller, and above the tip of their nostrils they are horned and white, those, that is, beneath the mountains of Sciron and the Pambonian steeps, Rhype, and the hill of Corax and hoary Aselenus; whereas Asia breeds snakes a fathom long and even more, such as are about rugged Bucarterus or are contained within the strong headland of Aesagea and in Cercaphus. The front of their heads is flat, and at the trailing end of its coil 220 the creature wriggles a stunted tail which is abundantly rough with dry scales. And this way and that through the brakes it strays with sluggish coil. But every male viper is seen to have a pointed head. In length he is sometimes larger, sometimes short, and in breadth of belly he is slimmer, while his tail stretches tapering away, and may be flattened towards the end of its trailing length or rubbed smooth of scales. But the eyes in his face turn blood- red when he is angered, and as his forked tongue flickers rapidly, he lashes the end of his tail. 230 Wayfarers call him the snaky Cocytus. Two fangs in his upper jaw, as they spit poison, leave their mark upon the skin, but of the female always more than two, for she lays hold with her whole mouth, and you can easily observe that the jaws have opened wide about the flesh. And from the wound she makes there oozes a discharge like oil or, it may be, bloody or colourless, while the skin around starts up into a painful lump, often greenish, now crimson, or again of livid aspect. At other times it engenders a mass of fluid, and about the wound small pimples 240 like slight blisters rise flabbily from the skin, which looks scorched. And all around spread ulcers, some at a distance, others by the wound, emitting a dark blue poison; and over the whole body the piercing bane eats its way with its acute inflammation; and in the throat and about the uvula retchings following fast upon one another convulse the victim. The body is oppressed also with failures of sense in every part, and forthwith in the limbs and loins is seated a burdening, dangerous weakness, and heavy darkness settles in the head. Meantime the sufferer 250 at one moment has his throat parched with dry thirst, often too he is seized with cold from the finger-tips, while all over his frame an eruption with wintry rage lies heavy upon him. And again a man often turns yellow all over his body and vomits up the bile that lies upon his stomach, while a moist sweat, colder than the falling snow, envelops his limbs. In some cases his colour is that of sombre lead, in others his hue is murky, or again it is like flowers of copper.
You would do well also to learn of the crafty cerastes, who attacks like the male viper, which he resembles in equality of size. 260 True, the viper is hornless, whereas the cerastes boasts sometimes four horns sometimes two, and his dust-coloured skin is rough, and it is his habit to sleep in the sand or in the ruts down a road. The viper writhing himself darts swiftly forward on a straight course with the long winding of his belly, whereas the cerastes rolls on with clumsy movements of his middle, meandering on a crooked path with his scaly back, like to the dinghy of a merchantman dipping its whole side in the brine when the wind is contrary, 270 as it forces its way to windward when driven back by the south-westerly gale. When the cerastes bites, the disfiguring wound turns callous all around like a wart, and livid blisters like drops of rain move round about the bite, dimly discernible to the eye. True, the man in whom the deadly cerastes strikes his mischief-working fang goes through less acute pain, but nine suns of suffering does he behold. And in either groin and the hams the trouble festers persistent ever, while his skin has a livid appearance. 280 And from their suffering little strength is left in the joints of those afflicted, and with difficulty do they escape death.
Next I will tell you what marks the blood-letting snake, which always sleeps in rocky ascents, making a small, rough lair under a hedge. There it has its lurking-place when it has gorged its fill. It equals a footprint in length, but as to breadth it dwindles tapering from the fiery head down. At times it is of a sooty hue, or again a reddish brown. It narrows moderately at the neck, and its tail is sharply compressed 290 and stretches flattened from the middle onward. In its forehead beneath its snow-white horns are planted two eyes, of which the irises are somewhat like those of locusts, and on high rises terrible its devouring head. And with an oblique and halting movement it ever steers its little body on its brief journeys from the middle of the back like the cerastes, scraping its belly over the earth, and with its scaly body it makes a slight rustling as though crawling through a heap of straw. But when first it bites, a swelling of dark, unhealthy hue rises, and a sore pain freezes the heart, 300 and the stomach's content turned to water gushes out, while on the first night after, blood wells from the nostrils and throat and ears, freshly infected with the bile-like venom; urine escapes all bloody; wounds on the limbs break open, hastened by the destruction of the skin. May no female blood-letter ever inject its venom into you! For when it has bitten, all together the gums swell from the very bottom, and from the finger nails the blood drips unstaunchable, while the teeth, clammy with gore, become loose.
If the tale be true, Bane-Helen coming from Troy was angered with this species 310 when her company beached their vessel by the tumultuous Nile as they fled before the dread onset of the north wind, what time she beheld Canobus, the helmsman, swooning on the sands of Thonis; for as he slept a female blood-letter, on which he had pressed, struck him in the neck and belched forth its deadly poison into him, turning his rest to ruin. Therefore Helen crushed the middle of its trailing shape, breaking the ligatures of the back about the spine, so that the backbone started from its body. From that day forward the blood-letter and the crooked-roving cerastes alone of snakes move haltingly, oppressed by their injury.
320 You would do well to recognise the form of the sepedon, which in other respects resembles the blood-letter in appearance, but it steers a straightforward path; moreover it is almost without horns, and its colour, like that of a carpet, is spread over a rough surface. Its head is heavy, but its tail appears short as it moves, for it curls the end like the rest of its body. Truly the wound of the sepedon is deadly and agonising, and its black, destroying poison pervades the entire body: upon the parched skin everywhere the hair withers and is dispersed like the down of a thistle when it is rubbed. 330 For from the head and the brows of the man who has been bitten the hairs break off and from the eyelids the dark lashes perish, while round spots bespeckle his limbs and leprous eruptions swiftly spread a chalk-like rash.
Again, the form of the dipsas will always resemble that of a small viper; yet death will come quicker to those whom this grim snake assails. Its thin tail, darkish throughout, grows blacker from the end forward. From its bite the heart is inflamed utterly, and in the fever the dry lips shrivel with parching thirst. 340 Meanwhile the victim, bowed like a bull over a stream, absorbs with gaping mouth drink past measuring, until his belly bursts his navel, spilling the too heavy load. Now there is a tale of ancient days current among men how, when the first-born seed of Cronus became lord of heaven, he apportioned to his brothers severally their illustrious realms, and in his wisdom bestowed upon mortals youth, honouring them because they had denounced the fire-stealer. The fools, they got no good of their imprudence: for, being sluggards and growing weary, they entrusted the gift to an ass for carriage, 350 and the beast, his throat burning with thirst, ran off skittishly....

To begin with, I’m so so thankful to all the people who reached out to me through DMS and comments. I’ve never received so much love and so much respect in the 29 years of my existence. I cried throughout the day and I’ve read through the comments more than a 100 times already. I’m still trying to digest it all and I’m still trying to internalize this feeling.
Dear Gods,
Know that I’m beyond grateful for all the heartfelt comments and messages and for the first time in my life I can actually see that what I’ve endured and come out of, is a huge thing and I should be proud of myself.
Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart ❤️
In this post, I’ll write in detail about all the doubts and questions that people have and also try to explain my mindset, attitude and my faith.
Important note:
Many have DMd and asked whether I give coaching, and the simple answer is NO! I’m not equipped to do that and the most important point is, all the answers are in you, you should just know how to ask. But if you people have spare money lying around that you’re anxious to get rid of, I wouldn’t mind lol. But on a serious note, NO I DON’T GIVE COACHING
This will be a series of posts because I have to think properly and answer. I’ll answer 20 questions per post. Please bear with me.
If I haven’t answered your question in this post, it is coming next, but I’ll answer all the questions.
If I haven’t specifically answered your question here but you’ve gotten your answer by reading the response that I’ve given to someone else, please let me know.
I am going in chronological order, please have patience
The most important part, these answers are from my experience and are my opinions. If you do not agree to something, please do comment about it, I’ll be happy to learn about other people’s perspective.
This post is taking more time than I thought it would take, I’m genuinely sorry for making you people wait. Please forgive me
Now onto the questions and answers

1. What technique did you use the most when you felt most anxious or when you couldn't feel the wish fulfilled?

initially when I started, I started with all the techniques that I read about, you name it and I’ve done it. but eventually I realized that nothing is working, I would get minuscule results here and there but nothing major, my situation was still the same. I left everything aside and started reading again. Strictly Mr. Neville Goddard. I deleted all social media and completely immersed myself into his teachings.
Eventually, I realised that I’m not understanding the most important parts,

1. Creation is finished
2. The end is where you begin
3. 3d is a dead world
4. Your faith is your fortune
5. Your state manifests.

I jumped into smaller things after that, money, physical appearance, food etc.
Now coming to the question. When I was/am manifesting the things that I had/have attachment to, as human beings we’re bound to feel anxious, we’re bound to look at the 3D because we’ve been raised to believe that it’s real, that it’s a fact. I broke that belief first. I meditated on the affirmation “3D is an illusion, 3D is dead”.
The most important part is learning to understand the difference between your emotions and your feeling, once you reach that place, once you know where to look, you’ll be able to easily strip yourself off of these attachments and you’ll easily be able to walk in faith.
If I ever felt anxious, overwhelmed, frustrated etc, I would first calm myself down by doing any and everything that helps and once I’m calm, I would close my eyes and meditate and just affirm “I’m in control”. It takes a little practice but eventually as soon as you utter that affirmation, your brain automatically takes this as a sign to calm down and then you can overwrite and move from there.
Under any circumstances, do not try to fight your emotions and do not try to bottle it up. Let it flow please, let it come out. When you feel overwhelmed, remember your bucket is full and it needs emptying. And the moment you try to fight it, you’re telling your subconscious that you’re not even worth some tears. Please don’t do that to yourself. But after all this, get up and claim your victory and live in the wish fulfilled.

1. What did you do to change your self concept permanently?

Again I’ll have to write a long answer lol.
Due to all the abuse I faced right from the very beginning, my self concept was in the gutter. I’ve been to the darkest places. I wouldn’t allow myself to even accept simplest of compliments from strangers, and when you do that, you’re telling yourself that you deserve nothing and when you’re trying to manifest something that is opposite to your Self concept, there is so much resistance that it becomes impossible to have faith and thus it doesn’t manifest
One day, one of my students reached out to me. I’d just woken up and I saw 15 missed calls from him, in panic I called him back.
To set the scene, he was in an abusive situation, like life or death and he had to get out. I was his trainer during that time. One day during the class (one-on-one), I asked him about his well being and he broke down. Long story short, I helped him get out of it by nailing that woman and he also didn’t have to pay her. Now he’s happily married and has another daughter, the first was from the first marriage.
He called me and said, “Ma’am for what you’ve done, I want to give you something.” He sent me some money and the very first thing I did was, I returned it. He sent it back and told me sternly that if I returned it again he won’t talk to me. I sat there and felt like I didn’t deserve it, I’m looting him etc. That incident got me thinking, why don’t I deserve it? And it’s not like I asked him to pay me, he did it out of his own free will. And for the last few days I was also trying to manifest some money, the manifestation came true but my brain went like “you don’t deserve this and shit”.
This incident actually gave way for the groundwork that I did for my self concept. It took a lot of time and effort on my part but eventually I reached where I am today.
I meditated a lot during this phase and I asked questions. During the sessions a lot of things came to the surface. I wrote down all the things that’s I’ve done or all the things that have happened to me that have given way to the shit self-concept. I wrote everything in detail with all the emotions I felt when it was happening. It took me about a week.
As you can understand these things duck with your brain. I cried so many times, I felt so depressed but I was determined to get these things out of my system. Eventually, I had used up 1 and a half diaries and I realized my trauma goes back to my childhood, since the first time I was molested at the age of 3. And this was the very first incident that dug the foundation of my current self-concept. When told my mother that the teacher is making me do things and doing things to me that I don’t like, she said that it must be my fault, or I must have seduced him somehow. That incident was where everything began.
After writing all these things and crying and looking at walls and everything else you can imagine, I was satisfied. It was cathartic in a sense. I went to a secluded place, sat down and burned both the diaries. It was like a ritual to me.
While burning it, I affirmed that, that person is now dead. All the negative self-concept, all the trauma is also burning with those diaries. I cried and grieved for the person who once was, but she had to go for the new person to emerge.
I was satisfied seeing the ashes. I gave a proper burial to her and her ashes. You people might laugh at this, but as Mr. Goddard said, “you need to kill the old man”, correct? I took it literally and killed my old self through that diary.
Now once I went home I slept, but before sleeping I affirmed that a new person will be born in the morning. Once I woke up I felt refreshed. With renewed vigour I started laying foundation for my new self-concept.
I wrote down all the things that I am. For eg: I’m a kindhearted person. I am loved by all. I am respected by all. I tried putting as much feeling into it as I could. I would listen to affirmation tapes on YouTube. I would write down the affirmations. I would look in the mirror and affirm. I would listen to askfirmations. I committed myself to the process. My goal was to feel good and deserving, that’s it.
One day, I received some money out of nowhere, and that day I took it with gratitude and with the feeling of deserving. That’s when I realised that I changed my self concept.

1. What was your thought process like when you didn't see any reflection of your imaginal act in the 3D even though you have been doing it on a consistent basis?

I have internalised the fact that 3D is dead, it’s an illusion and also it mirrors our past beliefs. The 3D is a delayed manifestion of the past states.
That is not to say that I don’t get triggered, I do. But during those times, I go in a quiet meditative state and take my power back. I affirm “3D is an illusion and I control the illusion”.
See, manifestation is a life style, it’s not a magic wand! People come to manifestation with the intention of manifesting 1 or 2 things and then moving from there. But Mr. Goddard has clearly stated in his books and lectures that everything begins from the man’s concept of himself. Had your self-concept been on point, your desire would’ve manifested by now. And this is also the reason why we get smaller manifestations easily and struggle with the bigger ones, the ones that we think are big. Because these things are in exact opposition to our self concept and also the attachment to the result is very strong.
No matter at what stage you are on, go back to the basics, it is of utmost importance. And the biggest things that I’ve realised is, most of our desires come from our ego, the need to show or prove something to the world, the need to be powerful, the need to have pride. But once you lay a strong foundation for self-concept, half if not 90% of your desires will no longer be as seducing as it was once.
Coming back to the question, I’m still a human (wearing the human cloak) and I get triggered at times, that’s when I go in silence, I leave the job of human being behind and become an observer. I leave that place completely and do something that my heart loves. I colour or read or listen to music and dance or cook or whatever it is that I want to. I let the human in me calm down first and then I meditate, for as long as I can. And then I come back with renewed power.

1. What should you do if the 3D isn't showing results? Are you doing it wrong? And what to do if you’re disheartened?

I will start by saying, please don’t forget the fact that YOU ARE GOD!!! Please internalise this. EVERYTHING YOU SEE WAS CHOSEN BY YOU. I know this will trigger a lot of people. But take it from someone who’s been r@ped, molested, abused and you name it, numerous times, TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY!!! LEAVE THE VICTIM MINDSET BEHIND!! NOBODY HAS POWER OVER YOU!!! YOU CHOSE THIS!!!
if you look at 3D with the intention to find results or with the intention to seek validation, you’re renouncing your faith.
YOU CANNOT SERVE 2 MASTERS. YOU EITHER LIVE BY FAITH OR BY SIGHT.
Please please meditate on these words. Because these are the words that gave me the magical results that you people know. Had I not worked on my self concept or had I not realised what I was doing wrong, I would’ve lost my kids.
My only advice for you would be to meditate and internalize the aforementioned words. This world is not as it looks. It’s just a very dense mirage. It’s your delayed past. Look at it from the lens of an observer and move from there.
Now coming back to the doubt part, as soon as we look at the 3D, we start doubting our techniques. The techniques in and on itself can do nothing, it works hand-in-hand with your faith. Techniques are to change your state. If you do not feel fulfilled, do the technique again or change it. There is no technique that is written in stone. The only validation you should take is from your state. Ask yourself this “how am I feeling?”, “what is my state right now?”. If the answers are not in tune with your desires, work on it.
I have been through hell and back, numerous times, but the moment I internalized this truth, I was set free.

1. Ok i really wanna know how to visualise or to SATS . I struggle a bit. Also is it enough that I affirm once in the morning and once in the night . I sleep with my affirmation audio on too . But I really wanna know if Visualisation is really necessary and if so how do i really get into that "drowsy state" without my mind wandering off too much.

I don’t practice SATS, I practice affirmations but any technique requires attention. I would suggest, begin by visualising an apple or an object that you can picture clearly, let it hold your attention for a bit. Any object you visualise will bore you in a few seconds, but bring yourself back gently, over and over and over, until your body falls asleep and then visualise your scene.
With any technique you do, it always requires practice. Work it like a muscle and eventually you’ll get there.
Everything belongs to you, this world, the people and everything in it is yours. Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do it. Become like a toddler who is hell bent on eating that chocolate.
No matter how many times you fail, get up and do it again. Please DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

1. What can one do with this feaanxiety regarding time (like lets say you want something, you only have 4 days left before the conseqences of not having it affecets you, you have been wary about you having what it takes to use the law in your favour since its been years of being unsuccessful with the law, you have limited time for a full 360)? As in how long it will take, worrying about how much effort, etc. Basically put it all up on a pedastal, having (shaky, because of anxiety and insecurity) faith in the possibility but not in yourself and your ability...yk

please refer to question no 4.
Also, I’d like to add, you’re bigger than any of your manifestations, you are bigger than any person you’re manifesting. Stand still and let the world come to you. About pedestal, you need to work on your self concept to drag everything down and put yourself above it all. Hope that helps.

1. Hello ! Thank you for doing this ! How did you deal with limiting beliefs? Do you have any advice on how to transform them? Thank you.

Limiting beliefs are strong because you give it your attention and you’re giving it your attention because your self-Concept is not where you want it to be.
Everything comes from SC, everything. You might manifest your desire but you won’t be able to sustain it. Think about the people who win huge lotteries but within months they lose it all. They manifested but couldn’t sustain. Why? Because they didn’t have a good self concept. But think about the people who are born in harrowing environments but make an amazing name and place for themselves, why? Because they have an amazing self concept. They believe in themselves.
On how to change it, please refer to question no 2.

1. Im Not sure if this has been done because i tried reading most of the comments but how to “trust” in the law, and how to know you are doing it right, And lastly how to “know” the law is working?

Now this is a tricky question. How to trust the law. In my opinion there are 2 ways, you either build it by manifesting small things or if you have a logical mind, you read the texts that are available. So many authors and writers have talked about law of assumption, it goes back to ancient times, surely so many people who’ve lived thousands of years apart wouldn’t lie, now would they?
I want to ask, why is it that you aren’t able to trust it? What is holding you back? What other option do you have? Can you work in the 3D and get results?
The law is always working, you’re always manifesting, your power to manifest is always at the maximal level. You don’t believe it because you’re manifesting the wrong or negative things. Take accountability and look at your life, past, present and all the things that you’ve gone through, take notes and be honest with yourself. I’m a 100% sure that you’ll find that all your beliefs have been the reason for all the things that have happened up until now.

1. Take rest :) and do tell us what have u worked in terms of self concept. Did u solely worked on self concept beliefs n affirmations or you also focused on affirming for your desires/end goal.

For self concept, please refer to question no 2.
And to answer your question, I also manifested few things while working on my self concept. Like money, gifts etc. Self concept is a life long process, you can’t do it once and stop, you need to keep adding fuel it because most of the times, in my opinion, people see something and get triggered or they internalise something negative and that’s where cracks start forming.
Self concept should be worked on at all times, each day, everyday. And also I was able to manifest other things while working on it.

1. How did you change your self concept, I am continuously falling in back to my old circumstances. Tried everything but it's being difficult to change the circumstances

Please refer to question number 2

1. Absolutely loved your post. A few questions that i would like to ask

• Did you feel anxious about manifesting in a time crunch? If yes, how did you manage your anxiety?

In the beginning, I used to feel anxious and I would go absolutely insane trying to curb the emotions and I would live in the fear that my fear will manifest. But understand this, that anxiety, fear, frustrations are all emotions. Even in the wish fulfilled, people sometimes feel anxious but if you try and remove it for a second, you’ll realise it’s just your body and mind playing tricks on you. Beneath it all, there’s this little feeling hidden, and that feeling is what is the most important. I read somewhere, that in complete silence do you hear the loudest things. If you silence yourself for a second, you’ll realise that these emotions mean nothing.
In my mind, I refer to my body as “This body”, I know this will create a sense of detachment or depersonalisation and don’t attempt this unless you are absolutely certain that you can handle it please.
I refer to my body as this body and say things like, this body is tired, not I, this body is anxious, this mind is playing tricks, etc. I detach myself from it for sometime and then I talk in my mind, you need to calm down, nothing is wrong, you’re in control, like talking to a child. Eventually everything calms down and then I meditate and bring/attach myself to it again, if that makes sense
Now about time, if the creation is finished and everything is in the NOW, in the present, then where exactly is time? I can understand that, in tne “real” world we very much have to adhere to “time”. But does it really exist? And if it does then revision cannot work. Then everything walks in a liner way, but these things are not at all in proportion to anything that is law of assumption.
what I do is, I meditate again, and affirm “I choose (insert desire) now” and also affirm “I’m in control”. This one is a little tricky but with practice you’ll be able to achieve control.
Also you can affirm that everything works out in my favour. It helps.

• What was your thought process as the days passed and the (expected) date of your desire's fulfillment came closer and closer?

Lets talk about something that I’m currently in the process of manifesting, in process I say, it’s because I haven’t reached the wish fulfilled yet. So to point it out, my children’s school fees is pending, which amounts to $2k and as per the 3D, I have to get it done in 13 days, I mean I have until 6th. There are so many bondages here, but what I’m doing is, I’m looking for the feeling of wish fulfilled, I need the experience, and once I reach that, I know it’s done.
Now in the meanwhile, am I anxious? No. Do I get anxious thoughts? Yes, here and there my brain gives me scenarios where the last option would be to jump from a building lol, but logically speaking, nothing in this world should make you feel that way, but anxiety is one hell of a monster, it isn’t logical, but we’re so used to believing everything that our brain provides that we forget to take a step back and ask ourselves, is it really real? Do I want to manifest this fear?
In my case, I’m revising and affirming. Somewhere I’ve almost reached the wish fulfilled, but I’m trying to reach the brazen impudence that Mr. Goddard talks about.
Tell me what should I do here? Wallow in self pity? Or use each moment as an investment and have faith in myself?

• How did you know you were done affirming/satisfied with doing techniques/ 'impressed' your subconscious?Can a person even know that Or does that vary from person to person?

I’m talking from experience, once your subconscious gets impressed, you’ll know. Understand one thing, and internalise this, sit with this, WE THINK WE ARE IN CONTROL OF OUR ACTIONS, WE ARE NOT! We’re not in control of our actions, we’re in control of our attention. Mr. Goddard has said this in his books, I’m paraphrasing, we cannot take actions, it’s impossible. Our subconscious/God/Soul takes action for us, we can only change our state and hold onto it, actions happen automatically.”
I will clear this part a little. Think about your morning routine. What do you do? You wake up, brush your teeth, wash your face, apply moisturiser and so on and so forth. How many times do you have to remind yourself of routine? But if you are on a vacation and your routine gets disrupted, then you have to pay close attention to everything right? Say you’re mentally not in a good state, you’ll still do your routine with precision because by now it has become a muscle memory. Even if your conscious mind is light years away, the action is still happening right? So who is taking those actions? Ask yourself.
Someone calls out your name, you might not hear it consciously, but your brain did and you’ll jerk a little, you’ll automatically turn towards it, why?
In the same way, you will know when you’ve reached the wish fulfilled, because it will come automatically. Actions will happen automatically. You’ll drop the attachment automatically. You won’t have to do anything. Your job is to control your attention”
I read this quote somewhere,
”The soul always knows how to heal itself, the challenge is to silence the mind”

• Did you use general/blanket or specific affirmations and SATS scenes for different desires ( What are your thoughts about manifesting different desires at a time?)

I’ll be honest, when it comes to techniques, I’m very spontaneous. Someday I use a specific affirmation, someday a blanket affirmation, someday I dance to a song feeling peaceful, someday I enact the scene, someday I have long (1-2 hours long) conversations out loud, it depends.
Now onto the different desires, while in theory, yes you can manifest multiple desires, I would suggest using a blanket affirmation/blanket scene for it, of writing your desires on a paper with tick boxes vowing to yourself that you’ll only check the boxes when they’ve appeared in the 3D.
One thing I’d like to say is, I always say appeared in 3D because my belief is, I manifest it the moment I feel the wish fulfilled and the only thing left is for it to appear on the screen of my 3D. Like a movie, I’ve written, directed , acted in and produced my movie and given it to the subconscious. I’m sitting with my popcorn and waiting for my subconscious to play it on the screen, if that makes sense.
Now once you’ve vowed, just affirm or imagine yourself ticking those boxes. I’ve used this technique and manifested IPhone, luxury perfume and books. If I’m remembering correctly, I had written 5 things and all manifested within 24 hours.
I hope this answers your question

• Did you ever try revision if something didn't work out in the 3D the way you wanted it? Could you explain your process?

To be honest, I’ve just started experimenting with revision. But I’ve laid the foundation here, that everything exists right here, in this moment. Everything is in me. I’ve been affirming this for more than a year. So now I’m very sure that revision will work for me like a charm.

• How do you know if you're being honest with yourself about your feelings and emotions? Did you ever feel like you were lying to yourself in the fear that the opposite thoughts would "take away" your desire

If you repeat something enough times, eventually you’ll start believing it. And if you feel like you’re not being honest with yourself, ask yourself, why you think so? Is there something in your past or you’ve done something that has given you the impression that you’re being dishonest? And if you think you’re not being honest, be honest now
To answer your second question, this is very subjective. Because you’re still living in fear if you have this question. Come back to wish fulfilled by using any/no technique. Stop giving attention to fear and start living in the wish fulfilled.

• You mentioned dimensional jumping in your post
• a) Do you think having faith/ belief in the method plays an important role in the attainment of the desired results? ( do you think this method worked only because you gave it power through your faith in it?)

The plain and simple answer is yes. Technically quantum jump is supposed to be done just in your mind but as we’re wearing the “Human cloak”, we live and thrive by looking at the 3D and it gives us a sense of accomplishment by doing something with our hands, at least for me. This little ritual, it actually puts me in the wish fulfilled very easily because I’m doing something in the 3D. I look at water as a life force, vibrational and something that’s alive and when I do the technique, I look at the glasses as 2 worlds, so that’s how it works for me.
I have given it power yes, and there are times that I don’t feel satisfied by doing it, so I do it again. I have to pay close attention to how I’m feeling just before attempting, because it sets precedence to what I’m going to feel next. It’s basically all happening in my mind, but the ritual in itself is catalyst for me to reach the wish fulfilled.

• b) If you had only performed the dimensional jumping method and not used any other technique, do you think it still would have worked?

Short answer, yes.
Long answer, technique in and on itself has no power unless we give it power. Think about people who are witches/wizards, people who believe in astrology, people who are superstitious, people who are health fanatics etc. all these people have faith, but faith in something outside of themselves and it always works for them. What they’re not understanding is, it’s them who’s doing it all, they’re just using those rituals/moons whatever as a medium to access the faith that they’ve had in them all along.

• c) I've read that you must not think about your desire after you've performed the two cup method. Is this accurate? If yes, how can one refrain from thinking about a high stake manifestation?

See darling, you make the rules. And the first rule that I HAVE MADE is, do not believe everything you see, read, hear etc. Make your own rules. If you believe that, it’ll manifest, if you don’t, it won’t.
During the court case when I attempted a jump, emotionally I was in a bad state yes? 3D was also ducked. But I looked at it as if it’s all in the past, and I persisted in my faith. I had purchased the pearl of great price.
As per my rule, I still think about my desires, I still sometimes feel anxious, but I look back at the ritual and remember the water flowing from one glass to the other and affirm, “THE ACT IS THE FACT”. It pulls me right back.

• d) Have you tried other methods of dimensional jumping? What are your experiences?

Yes, numerous. This is the simplest one, and in desperate times when I cannot bring myself to calm my emotions I do this. But there are other methods, if you ask, I’ll post.

• e) I've failed at obtaining results from this method before. Is it because I didn't have full faith that it is already true? ... Implying that this method also requires faith and is basically just another technique to experience your desired reality in the 4D.

Everything is about faith. EVERYTHING. And yes it’s a technique. If you feel it doesn’t work for you, move on. Or, you can attempt it again.

1. A few questions in one....How did you "occupy" your time waiting for the manifestation...? I know people say to live in the end, but it can be hard to release the "mind chatter" so to speak. Do you use mediums like art or exercise to help yourself? Do you keep yourself in the present moment?

You do not occupy, and if you feel like you’re doing that, it means you’re not in the wish fulfilled. Wish fulfilled means the feeling of satisfaction that it’s done. How can you wait for something that’s yours. Attempt the technique/s again with the intention of feeling fulfilled and satisfied not with the intention of getting it.
Mind chatter. Exercise your self-control. YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR THOUGHTS. It’s a skill that no one can teach you but you. Work on it. Eventually your mind will become silent, it has to. YOU ARE IN CONTROL.
I partake in my hobbies but not with the premise of occupying myself until my desire “Manifests”, I do it with the feeling of satisfaction/Its done. I do it with genuine gratitude. Because if you’re in the state of waiting, more waiting will materialise on the screen of your 3D.

1. how to get into sats easily. i always get uncomfortable or feel asleep

If i feel uncomfortable, I do self hypnosis or listen to brown noise. I pay attention to the sensations in my body. I affirm for the longest of time. This part will take practise. Don’t give up. Keep bringing your attention back.
Also you can read, the silva method by Jose silva, it’s a good book to learn about meditation.

1. How can you manifest something you've always dreamed of, especially when previous attempts and previous manifestations crumbled? For instance, I had a dream job in my desired country. I got my goal, through SATS and scripting, but everything fell apart. I got laid off in my dream country, had to return to my home country, and had to leave my partner behind. How to stay persistent? and how to ensure that the manifestation happens sooner? especially with someone with anxiety and impatience. How can you manifest something you've always dreamed of, especially when previous attempts and previous manifestations crumbled.

Every moment is a new moment. Everything is in the now. Time is not linear and actually there’s nothing known as time. We put ourselves in the bondages.
Persistence comes from discipline. You need to discipline yourself first.
I’ve learnt, everything starts with and from self concept. No matter how you look at it, no matter where you start from, it all boils down to self Concept.
You’re giving too much power to the past, which actually does not exist.
My advice to you would be, DECIDE, decide now that everything that happened in the past does not matter and that you’re starting now, afresh. Promise yourself that you’ll persist no matter what. Close your physical eyes and open your mind’s eye. Look at everything from the “God lens”. Work on your self concept. Lay a solid foundation. And move from there. Now onto anxiety, it’s debilitating I know, but take its power away, tell yourself that it’s just a sensation in the body, it’s what I did, take note that I’ve suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember, took pills for it. But after fighting with it, I took its power away and told myself that it’s just a sensation in the body, just like any other and after some time it would vanish. It room practice but I haven’t had an attack in 8 months.
Now onto impatience. That’s something that you will have to learn to curb. You can’t wait for what you have. It’s so simple in theory and the most difficult in the practical sense I know. But practice. Talk to yourself, ask yourself. Anything is possible.

1. thank you for this, your story inspired me a lot <3

my question would be what did you do when intrusive thoughts would pop in your head?
In the beginning, it was scary. Because we’re taught that our thoughts manifest and then it would worry me to no end. It was a never ending cycle. I took a step back one day while I was in the throes of this cycle and asked myself, who’s in control? And then I rewrote that thought. It didn’t disappear magically, but I practiced rewriting my thoughts over and over and over. Our brain is a muscle basically and the more you exercise it, the more you’ll be able to control it.

1. i want to ask if is possible to change a version of a people,,,,,if is possible to have people back and i want to ask why i have partial manifestations and not consistent

Short answer yes, it is possible. The people that you see are you, fragments of you, manifestations of you, reflections of you. We have a set of beliefs for every person we know. And the people we don’t know show in the state that we’re in. Experiment with this. Just pay attention to your state and see how unknown people show up, look at their behaviour, you’ll get your answer.
Everyone is you pushed out. You manifested them out of your life and only you can bring them back.
Look at each person as a blank slate and not as the beliefs that you have for them. We make this mistake (even I’m guilty of that), of having rock hard beliefs about any and everybody we know. If I ask you about your mother, you’ll talk until evening about how she is, and the same goes for everybody else, but for a second just remove those adjectives and just look at that person in a neutral state and then attach a new belief, you’ll get the results.
Mr. Goddard has spoken extensively about it. Please read his books.
I have changed my SP so much using the same technique that sometimes I myself don’t recognise him.
Regarding partial manifestations, you’re giving too much power to 3D and getting triggered. In the previous answers I’ve written lengthy texts about this, please refer.

1. You said that you did the two glass method again since you didn't see results and you said do it again with faith if you don't see movement in the 3D. Aren't we supposed to believe past 3D and persist in it? Does that mean you were looking to have the 3D be changed through the process and not inward where it's considered done? That part needs a little more clarification.

So I’ll start by saying that I always do the techniques with the intention of experiencing the wish fulfilled, feeling it done. Now when I say observe the 3D, it means in terms of “OBSERVATION”, neutrally, not in terms of looking for the manifestation.
This is my comment from the previous post.
Keep a note of all the emotions and feeling that you encounter while doing this. Observe the changes that you see in the 3D, but like an observer.
When in school, remember we used to do experiments in the school laboratory and we would be asked to write our observations? We used to write the observations in a very impersonal way, to the point, we wouldn’t ever include feelings or emotions in it right?
Like,
The litmus paper turned green because of the solution’s acidic nature
Or
The litmus paper turned yellow so the solution must be alkaline in nature.
We would never write:
I felt bad that the litmus paper turned red. The solution is acidic and it is messing with my mental health.
In the same way, Observe your 3D like a scientist and take notes, observations and then if you don’t see the desired results, turn you your laboratory, your imagination.
In the case of quantum jumping technique, Take notes like an experiment, write about the emotions and feeling and for the next few days take note of any shifts in your state, in the 3D and work from there. After a few days if everything remains the same, do it again.
Now when I talk about shifts in 3D, it means observe if there’s something different. I’ll give you an example. I have a T-shirt that I purchased because I liked the tom and Jerry’s jerry sticker. I love that cartoon. The night I wore it for the first time I remember my son squealing and saying “mumma I’m tom and you’re jerry”. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw the sticker. That night I attempted a jump. The next morning I was brushing my teeth while looking at the mirror intensely and affirming, there I noticed that only one red T-shirt that I have, has Garfield as the sticker. I’ve never watched that cartoon in all my life. And an important point to note is that, while I was purchasing it online, my elder son was sitting with me, he got obsessed with that T-shirt because of jerry. I never wear any colour other than black lol. Because of my son I purchased it and then it changed to Garfield.
This is what I mean by observing, observe your surroundings, don’t take validation from it. Hope that helps.

1. How did you deal with feeling impatient, anxious or upset or feel like things arent going your way? What technique did you use to manifest through these emotions?

Please read the post, I’ve already written the answer to this question.

1. How did you manifest few things instantly , like you just received the result within a few hours ? without sats

I've internalised the fact that I’m God. Everything belongs to me. I close my eyes and say, “Thank you father for (insert desire)”, and then I let it go. It manifests quickly.
But take note of the fact that I’ve worked extensively on my self concept. I meditate daily onn the fact that I’m God, I start my day by saying that.

1. How can I manifest everything all at once?

I’m copying the answer from the post above.
I’ll be honest, when it comes to techniques, I’m very spontaneous. Someday I use a specific affirmation, someday a blanket affirmation, someday I dance to a song feeling peaceful, someday I enact the scene, someday I have long (1-2 hours long) conversations out loud, it depends.
Now onto the different desires, while in theory, yes you can manifest multiple desires, I would suggest using a blanket affirmation/blanket scene for it, of writing your desires on a paper with tick boxes vowing to yourself that you’ll only check the boxes when they’ve appeared the 3D.
One thing I’d like to say is, I always say appeared in 3D because my belief is, I manifest it the moment I feel the wish fulfilled and the only thing left is for it to appear on the screen of my 3D. Like a movie, I’ve written, directed , acted in and produced my movie and given it to the subconscious. I’m sitting with my popcorn and waiting for my subconscious to play it on the screen, if that makes sense.
Now once you’ve vowed, just affirm or imagine you ticking those boxes. I’ve used this technique and manifested IPhone, luxury perfume and books. If I’m remembering correctly, I had written 5 things and all manifested in 24 hours.
Please give me some time to post the Part 2.
Thank you.
I love you all ❤️

When you were young, and afraid of the dark, you always feared a monster hiding under your bed in the guise of nightfall.
You grew older.
More confident.
You believed the monster had left, for you had conquered your fear.
In truth… it never left.
Far from it.
It followed you.
Don’t turn around.
It’s too late.
He’s here.

Personal information

Information	----
Name	Aaron Couture
Age	16
Date of birth (DOB)	01.27.20XX
Hometown	Salem, Oregon
Gender	Cis
Sex:	Male
Gender expression	Androgynous
Languages spoken	English, German

Relationship information

Name	Age	Profession	Relationship	Thoughts
Lilac Couture	50	Therapist	Mother-- Mortal	"Mom is a wonderful woman... but, then again, aren't most mothers?"
Hypnos	Immortal	God of Sleep	Father-- Immortal	"Ah, father. I have yet to meet him, however, I must thank him for all I can do."
Ashton Couture	21	Bookstore clerk	Half brother-- Mortal	"Ash... oh, that's correct. I have a book of his. I do suppose I should return it."
Allison Couture	11	Student	Half sister-- Mortal	"Haha... young Allison. There's not much to say, I'm afraid. I sleep while she roams the earth, and she sleeps whilst I do the same."

Power information

Power type	Power name	Power description
Domain	???	Undiscovered
Domain	???	Undiscovered
Domain	???	Undiscovered
Minor	Insomnia inducement	The ability to prevent someone from sleeping (body power, inverse of Drowsiness Inducement).
Minor	Drowsiness inducement	The ability to make someone tired or fall asleep (body power). Uniquely activated by singing. The longer the song is heard, and the more power which is put into it, the more effective it is.
Minor	???	Undiscovered
Major	Dreamwalking	The ability to enter the dreams of others (mental power).

From the darkness, you hear it.
That laugh. It chills you to your core.
You cannot move.
He approaches you from behind with an eerie silence.
His hand finds your shoulder, like a snake coiling around its prey.

Weaknesses

Name	Description	Weakness level
Aloof	Aaron, perhaps as a part of his ADHD, doesn't express a ton of emotion, constantly seeming more interested in other things.	3/10
Hedonism	Aaron seeks nothing but his own enjoyment of life, no matter what it is. If he finds joy in it, he'll do it.	10/10– FATAL FLAW
Agitatable	(DAYTIME ONLY.) Aaron is very agitatable, making it so one wrong action will set him off like a powderkeg.	5/10

Stats

Stat	Level
Strength	2/10
Speed	5/10
Stamina	4/10
Endurance	4/10
Agility	7/10
Reflexes	7/10
Senses	9/10
Intuition	5/10
Intelligence	6/10
Memory	8/10
Perception	6/10
Power	2/10
Short-Ranged	3/10
Long-Ranged	2/10
Melee	5/10
Unarmed	1/10

Minutes feel like hours.
His hand is still there.
He’s said nothing.
Then, he slowly speaks.
His voice is so melodious…
You can’t help but obey him.

Other information

Type	Information
Faceclaim (FC)	Caelus– Honkai: Star Rail
Voiceclaim (VC)	Yusuke Kitagawa– Persona 5
Voice qualities	Aaron is often soft-spoken, his voice carrying a sweet, seductive quality. It's said that, if you watch his eyes while he speaks, he can see straight into your very being.
Height	6 feet, 2 inches (188 cm)
Build	Aaron is slim and light, but with some decent muscle mass under his clothes.
Personality	Oftentimes, Aaron is compared to the concept of the calm before the storm. He's almost eerie in a way, constantly seeming as if he's about to do something to shock the world. However, he most likely won't, because he's just minding his own business, probably contemplating the moon or something along those lines.
Fashion sense	Aaron wears anything he finds fitting, so he might be in a comfortable hoodie one moment, and a crop top the next. He doesn't allow gender norms or whatever to get him down, because he does what makes him feel good.

Inventory

Item	Description
Flute	A flute contained in a case no longer than 20 inches. Aaron is quite fluent in terms of playing, so much so to the point of not needing sheet music for certain songs.
Metronome	A simple metronome. Nothing to say, for Aaron rarely uses it to begin with.
Gauntlet	Aaron's weapon of choice-- A gauntlet with 4 sharp, Celestial Bronze claws on it.
Piccolo	A piccolo owned by Aaron, contained in a plastic case, which is about 10 inches long. While not as fluent with it as he is with the flute, Aaron can still play quite well.

Music/OST

Song name (IC)	Song name (OOC)	Source
A nighttime nod	Take five	Dave Brubeck
Contemplation	The journey begins	Professor Layton and the Curious Village
Shh... focus on my words.	Hypno's Lullaby- instrumental	Unknown origins-- Creepypasta
Just breathe...	Curtain of night	Professor Layton and the Curious Village
Something is wrong...	The other promise	Kingdom Hearts II
Say goodnight/All-out battle	Fun is infinite with Sega Enterprises!/Majin Sonic	Sonic CD

Quotes

Quote
“A lovely night, is it not, my dear?”
“Is something the matter, my friend? I wish for you to know you can confide in me."
“ 🎶Hush little camper, please don’t scream, soon you’ll be having pleasant dreams… 🎶”
“Why am I nocturnal? The true beauty of this planet only comes out at night, would you not agree?”
"Just hear my voice... listen to my words... sleep. I'll take care of you... after all... I wouldn't hurt a fly."

Trivia

Type	Fact
Pokemon Type	Dark/Ghost
Pokemon abilities	Unnerve, Pressure, Bad dreams
Harry Potter house	Slytherin
Path (Honkai: Star Rail)	Erudition
Element (Honkai: Star Rail)	Imaginary
Nectar flavour	Tea-- specifically Lemon Balm tea
Ambrosia flavour	Chocolate-- specifically Dark Chocolate
Favourite game	Minecraft
Taste in music	Classical
Instruments played	Flute, Piano, Piccillo

You can’t think.
You have to obey his words, laced with promise.
Your eyes fall like concrete into the water.
But you don’t care about that.
You care about listening to him.

Then

Aaron Couture was always an interesting kid, even from a young age. He always seemed agitated, commonly defying orders during the school day. Upon the principal’s request, Aaron’s primary physician established that his agitation did not come from his ADHD, nor from the school system. It wasn’t something from home, as the doctor knew Lilac personally– she would never hurt her children. She never hurt Ashton, after all.
If it wasn’t his educational prohibitors like ADHD… and it wasn’t the school system… and it wasn’t his mom… what was it? The doctor thought about it day in and day out, determined to find out what exactly made Aaron so easily irritated. Nothing seemed to work, no matter what he tried. Lilac was against giving Aaron medication unless they exhausted every other solution. The doctor thought it might be Aaron’s father, whom Lilac refused to talk about. One night, the doctor called for both Aaron and his mother to come into the office, wanting to try and find out the boy’s father, believing that he was the issue.
Lilac hesitated in bringing the young Aaron in, as it was late, and she didn’t want to wake him up. But, after a few moments, she decided to just try. If he refused to get up, they wouldn’t go to the doctor. So, Lilac knocked on the door to Aaron’s room, only to find the young boy… wide awake. When she asked her son if he would want to go to the doctor, she braced for anger. Instead, the boy nodded, smiling as he spoke.
“Okay, sure. Just allow me to finish something up.” He then put away the markers and crayons he was drawing with, seeming oddly happy. Lilac was dumbfounded. What changed? Aaron was normally so cold and angry. Whenever he went to school, he refused to learn. What was different? She thought about this all the way to the doctor’s office.
Right when the doctor was about to ask more about Aaron’s father, Lilac told him about the sudden change in behaviour. The doctor was just as, if not more confused than Lilac was. “Ms… Couture. I… I would like to propose something for Aaron. Now, this is just a theory, so bear with me.”
“Have you ever heard of nocturnality?”

All of a sudden, you wake up in a cold sweat.
Was any of it real?
Was he real?
Then, suddenly, you hear it.
That laugh.
He’s here once more.

Now

Aaron stood at the top of Half–Blood hill, overlooking the camp below him. He said nothing, simply looking down at the camp, then, gradually, back up at the moon. After a few moments, he pulled his flute case out, assembling it delicately. Once all was said and done, he raised the instrument to his lips, and began to play. The soft, almost sorrowful sound filled the air, infiltrating the darkened camp below him. He played for a beautiful three minutes, each note seeming like it would break, much like a person trying to hold everything together, only to break down into tears.
Once his playing was done, he looked back up to the moon, pondering it for a moment. “So graceful…” He whispered to himself, nodding as he disassembled the flute, storing it back into the case for future usage.
His feet moved below him, gracefully aloof. His eyes scanned the area, drinking in every detail, seeming both confused… yet knowing. Like he was re-learning the camp. His hair blew about gently in the breeze, not one strand daring to land within his eyesight. It looked like he was going to walk into a tree, yet he only stopped to examine them, running his smooth hand over the rough surface.
Eventually, he permanently stopped, standing under the shade of a nearby tree, blending in with the shadows, almost becoming invisible as he did so. In the same moment, a light flickered above his head, a pillow, darkly illuminated, casting an almost creepy shadow over Aaron’s features. Unflinchingly, the boy mused softly to himself.
“Intriguing… So, this is a claiming. Greetings, father.”
(OOC: Hi there! Just as a reference, the time in the post should be around... Midnight. 12:00, or 00:00. Have fun interacting with Aaron!)

Credit to for the NOP Universe.
Hey, I hope everyone's doing well!
Today we return to the namesake of this fic, an actual lesson about animals. This one focuses on Koalas! One of Australia's most recognisable critters. I hope you enjoy.
It's hardly worth mentioning, seeing as I'm an infrequent poster at the best of times, but I'll not have another chapter out for a few weeks due to limited free time and devoting most of my writing time to an upcoming ficnapping. Be sure to look out for that!
[First] [Previous] [Next]
Memory transcription subject: Rysel, Venlil Environmental Researcher
Date [Standardised human time]: 8th September 2136
“Koalas!”
Bernard’s energised voice boomed through the air as the classroom's monitor flickered into life, images of this paws lecture topic popping up one after the other until the entire screen was filled with a collage of furry quadrupeds.
Squee! I’ll never get tired of this, it’s all so cool!
As usual the sight of something new stirred immediate discussion, hushed murmurs swelling into vibrant discourse in little more than a heartbeat. Most of the class swiftly huddled together into small herds to bounce ideas around while the rest opted to stick to the solace of their own thoughts as they took in the display.
I’d be quite happy in either situation, though seeing as Sandi had already sunk into deep concentration and Kailo had peeled off to talk with Ennerif and Solenk, it seemed the decision had been made for me on this occasion. Wasting no more time on idle inspection of the people around me, I focused my full attention forward, eager to form first impressions before the lesson began in earnest.
Now then, time to make some educated guesses. What traits does this animal have? I wonder if I’ll get any right this paw?
Professional assumptions went paw-in-paw with the lectures, examining and coming up with hypotheses about the specimens was only natural. Recently however, I’d started to make a little game of it to make things even more interesting than usual. A veritable bonfire of ideas had been set ablaze within me, fueled by my newfound knowledge of Earthen wildlife. Every flash and spark of the flame was a fresh theory I could try to apply to the lectures. It was an invigorating exercise that further stoked my unceasing wonderment.
So far I’d only done this once during the previous class and, to my disappointment, I’d not done too well.
I was right when I guessed that chickens were omnivores, but wrong in my assumption that they could fly. And that red thing on their head, the um… what was it called? The comb! Yes, the comb. I thought that was to attract mates, but it regulates body heat instead. It’s fascinating. Oh! Stars damn it I’m rambling!
I bapped my tail against my leg, the soft thud being just enough to snap me back from my runaway thoughts before I went completely wall-eyed. I was becoming more and more accustomed to getting lost in my own head while remaining conscious of the fact; it was happening so frequently now that it was pretty much impossible not to. Now I was able to pull myself back to the world around me without having to rely on someone else shaking me out of it. Most of the time anyway.
Sandi still keeps an eye on me, and Kailo even decided to help out once without being too snide about it. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, Koalas.
Glancing at the furred animals, two things immediately stood out. Firstly, their eyes were in a more central position on their face. And second, all the images showed them being on or close to trees. There were other noteworthy observations of course, such as the Koala’s prominent nose and rounded features, but they fell to the wayside as I honed in on these points first.
Hmmm… ok. I already know to discount the idea that they’re predators just from eye position, so let’s get that thought out of here. Maybe omnivorous? Herbivore? Agh no, I can’t just guess that for the sake of guessing, that’s the same problem! Hrm, it’s tough making these assumptions now that everything I thought I knew has been turned on its head.
Nevermind, I’ll focus on the other thing. All the trees make me think they’re arboreal, that seems to be a reasonable assumption. I wonder what else they-
Clearing his throat, Bernard broke my concentration, his call for attention silencing the murmuring conversation and redirecting everyone's focus to the lecturer's podium.
His gaze panned across the room as he waited for everyone to settle, a beaming smile lighting up his face, “As ever I’m delighted to see you all get so into the subject matter from the get go. I’m looking forward to hearing what you were discussing should you wish to share. For now though, how about we get started, hm?”
A chorus of merry bleats rang out from across the audience, ears and tails flicking happily in agreement. Bernard's grin grew in tandem with the class's fervour, clasping his hands together enthusiastically as he launched into the lesson, “Excellent! Then let’s get started.”
The pictures on screen dissolved away until only one remained, enlarging to cover the entire monitor with the fluffy grey face of a Koala peacefully reclining in the crook of a tree.
“Ah, there we are,” Bernard’s baritone timbre drifted through the room as he looked up at the image, his own tone reflecting the relaxed attitude of the animal on screen, “He looks so comfortable doesn’t he? Perfectly at peace with the world, not too surprising considering they sleep almost 20 hours a day. A full paw!”
A wave of beeps and gasps rippled through the herd, punctuated by a single yawn-dressed comment from Rova, “A full paw? Hwuuu… jealous.”
Her drowsy remark elicited several whistling giggles from the herd, Bernard's own jovial chortle joining them as he turned to face her, “Late evening Rova?”
I twisted a little in my seat, panning an eye in Rova’s direction just in time to see her bleary eyes bulge open and her ears shoot up, now intensely aware of the fact she hadn’t been as quiet as she thought she had.
Sitting up abruptly, she hastily tapped down errant tufts of wool that’d flared in surprise as she composed herself, though her nervousness at becoming the centre of the class's attention was still plain for all to hear, “Uh- I um… achem, a little bit yes, um- …sorry. Lokki dragged me out to a movie viewing in the rec centre. It went on pretty late.”
A melodramatic bray from the other side of the room drew everyone's ears away from Rova to the now aghast Lokki, paw splayed across his chest in faux indignation, “Dragged you? Well excuse me for trying to broaden your horizons with human movies. That’ll be the list time I- …Ahaaaa…”
Lokki’s theatrics were cut short by a heavy yawn of his own, a swell of whistling laughter rolling through the herd as vibrant bloom lit up his snout, a sight that elicited a particularly amused bleat from Rova.
Turning away from the duo I looked back at Bernard, pleased to see that he was chuckling along with us. Behaviour like Lokki’s would never have been tolerated in my school and university days but, in stark contrast, Bernard revelled in it, the liveliness of his students fueling his own bombastic style of teaching. It was a pleasant change of pace having a teacher who let us all be ourselves in class; provided we weren’t too disruptive to the lesson plan.
Speaking of which.
His laughter still rumbling through the air, Bernard clapped his hands to pull everyone's focus back to him, “Ok, ok, let’s get back to it then shall we? Rova. Lokki. Hopefully the two of you can stay awake long enough until you can grab yourselves a coffee.”
As the class settled down and the last few giggling beeps petered out, Benard pointed a hand to the screen, “So, the Koala. Let’s start simple shall we? They are herbivorous marsupials native to the eastern and southern coasts of Australia. Easily recognised the world over, they are a well known and beloved symbol of their homeland, along with other animals such as the Kangaroo and the Emu. The former of which you might remember from one of our earlier lectures.”
Indeed I did remember, along with how angry Bernard had gotten after some speh-head had derided the Yotul after he explained how he held specific disdain for such attitudes.
Uuuggghh… I never want to see him angry again. So chilling.
I shook my ears in an effort to dismiss the unpleasant memory, panning my eyes back to the monitor to try and distract myself by inspecting the Koala's physical appearance once more. Thankfully, by some Star's blessed intervention, Bernard had the exact same idea.
“Koalas are rather squat in stature, ranging around sixty to eighty-five centimetres in length and weighing little more than fifteen to sixteen kilograms at their full size. As you can see, the fur of this fellow before you is a lovely silvery grey, but their fur can also sport a chocolaty brown hue as well. Arguably the most distinctive part of their appearance is their head, being rather large for their body size and having rounded ears, a large nose, and a pair of small eyes. These are often brown but variations do occur.”
It didn’t slip past my notice that Bernard didn’t bother to point out that the Koala's eyes were forward facing. I didn’t think he’d simply forgotten, so perhaps he just felt it wasn’t necessary given that he’d already stated it was herbivorous. Either way, no one stuck up a paw or tail to question him.
“Now this will hardly be surprising considering how long they sleep, but Koalas are largely sedentary and it’s rather easy to see why when you have a look into the contents of their diet.”
With the press of a button the Koala on screen was replaced by images of vibrant green vegetation. Soaring trees and flowering shrubbery weaved together across landscape framed pictures pulled admiring trills from the herd, the diversity of the plant life being shown standing as a reminder that it wasn’t only animal life that flourished on Earth.
After giving everyone the chance to take in the picturesque scenes, Bernard casually hammered that point home, “This is eucalyptus or, more accurately, a choice selection of more than 700 plants belonging to the eucalyptus genus, though the Koala itself favours 30 of them in particular.”
700!? Stars…
Realising that my ears had drooped in my momentary awe, I twisted them back to tune into the lesson, only for them to splay out in shock at the next words to come out of Bernard's mouth.
“The leaves of these plants are the primary food source of the Koala and there are a couple things worth mentioning when talking about these plants. For starters they do not have much nutritional or caloric value, leading to the Koala's low-energy lifestyle. Additionally, they contain toxic compounds.”
A shiver instantly ran through the herd, ears flicking rapidly in confusion and alarm followed by a few quizzical whispers. It didn’t take long for someone to decide to give a proper voice to the murmuring.
“Excuse me Doctor. Did we hear that right? Their diet is made up of toxic flora?” Vlek’s grumbling incredulity cut through the herd's mutterings with ease. Until Kailo’s recent change of heart, the fifty something rotation old blonde Venlil had been a close second in terms of scepticism. Mercifully his rebuttals had always been relevant questions as opposed to ranting diatribes, so he at least remained on topic if nothing else.
Bernard nodded in confirmation, smiling back at Vlek while absentmindedly twirling the end of his moustache, “You heard me right, they do indeed consume plants that are toxic. Just not to them.”
Any worry or uncertainty still clinging to the herd was swept away by the provision of the glaringly obvious answer, leaving me chuckling inwardly at the oversight.
Ah of course! The plant might be poisonous but they’ll have evolved to deal with that. Stars… I’m so used to expecting the unexpected with Earth that I didn’t even consider the simplest solution.
“I see, thank you Doctor,” Vlek replied, a tinge of interest still audible in his tone, “I assume they’ve developed some adaptation to become immune to the harmful effects?”
The question immediately evoked a smirk from our teacher, but he hurriedly suppressed it while bobbing his head, “They have indeed. There are several factors that aid in their digestion of eucalyptus leaves without succumbing to the plant's baleful properties. The first is a part of the intestinal tract called the cecum. It contains a microbiome that allows the Koala to digest the eucalyptus. Coupled with this is an enzyme in the Koala’s liver that helps them break down the toxins. They are also capable of sniffing out the plants with the least amount of toxins, ensuring that they ingest as little as possible.”
Pausing for a breath Bernard looked back at the screen before turning to face us, another grin curling at the edges of his mouth as he continued with his explanation, “This is mostly for adult Koalas because while their young also possess these same adaptations, they don’t just go straight to munching through foliage right after being born. No, they need a little help making that jump and getting a stomach full of all that good gut bacteria. It’s nothing bad, but those of a sensitive stomach may wish to prepare themselves for this next part.”
Bernard’s assurances did little to assuage the concern that his warning had foisted upon us. Having been exposed to so much of the weirdness Earth had to offer everyone always ended up on edge whenever Bernard gave advice like this, even if he did say it in jest.
What strange nonsense thing do Koala pups do then? Judging by the way he’s acting it probably isn’t something as simple as drinking milk from the mother. Hmmm…
“So,” Bernard began, snapping us from our pensive stupor, “Young Koalas, known as joeys, have a gestation period of thirty-five days on average, which is approximately forty-two paws. Once born they travel from the birth canal to a pouch in their mother so that they can continue to develop and grow. In the pouch the joey finds and latches onto one of two teats and these provide the newborn with a steady stream of nourishing milk. It spends the next six to seven months growing in the pouch, its eyes, ears, and fur all developing as time goes on.”
Okay, interesting. But this is exactly how I thought it’d go. What’s different?
The unexpected normalcy of the Koalas birth and growth cycle had calmed everyone's nerves, only to be replaced with an air of suspicion as we waited with rapt attention for Bernard to drop the other claw and upend our expectations like he always did.
Not wanting to keep us in further suspense he forged ahead, the tempo of his voice picking up as the smile started to crease his face once more, “Now to make the switch from milk to eucalyptus, the mother also feeds the joey a substance called pap. It comes from the cecum I mentioned earlier, and contains all the gut bacteria required to help the young Koala in making the switch to eucalyptus.”
He stopped and looked around, searching us for a reaction to what I felt was a rather bland statement of fact. What was it he was saying without actually saying? Koala pups drink milk to mature and then include this pap substance so that they can start eating plants. I don’t see what-
The cecum is part of the intestine.
I blinked.
I blinked again, the intrusive interruption scouring my brain clean of any other thought bar the one it’d just implanted itself in the forefront of my mind.
Oh stars. They-
“They eat their own poop!?”
The shocked bleat shattered the peace of the room to reveal that most if not all of us had come to the same tail curling conclusion. As the hall filled with unrestrained vocalisations of disgust, an ‘Ugh’ over here and a ‘Blegh’ over there, Bernard’s own bellowing laughter joined the throng of voices.
“Ha! Everytime! Each and every time. Clearly it doesn’t matter if my students are Human or Venlil. Whenever someone learns about the Koala's dietary development the reaction is the same!”
Pleased with himself beyond reason, Bernard chuckled away while the rest of us grappled with this ghastly reality. While there were plenty of animals that feasted on things that ranged from simply unappealing all the way to the stomach churningly grotesque, I’d never heard of an animal that actively consumed the excrement of its own species. Benefits aside, the prospect of having to do that to survive to adulthood sent a shiver of revulsion down my spine.
Ewww… Stars, I hope I forget this feeling by 2nd meal. They’re serving sturen and magamroot stew later. I was really looking forward to it.
With the herds mood beginning to temper Bernard tapped the podiums controls, removing the verdant collage of eucalyptus to display several similar yet distinct environments, still chortling merrily to himself in the process, “Ok then, with that little foray into their diet complete, why don’t we look at their habitat in more detail? As you might imagine given their diet and arboreal nature, Koalas live in forested regions, and can be found in tropical and temperate zones. About a century ago they were classed as a vulnerable species, however efforts were made to turn this around and increase their numbers. Sadly the largest factor in their decline was human activity, as the fertile lands that gave rise to their bountiful forests were coveted farm land for our settlements.”
It was strange to hear Bernard so matter of factly admit to humanity's negative impacts on other species. He’d alluded to such things in the past but always with an air of caution, carefully pawing the line between honestly answering a question while not painting humanity as uncaring and destructive. AKA, the ‘predators’ we’d all initially expected them to be.
Perhaps his comfort in making such admissions was a reflection of the class's comfort with him, for no one so much as batted an ear. Even Kailo, who I would’ve expected to jump at the chance to use this as a prime example of predatory danger, only flicked an ear in stern yet silent concern.
A cough from Bernard drew my attention back, a new picture on screen that showed a forest from a bird's-eye view. Drawn across the image were around a dozen ringed areas, some bordering one another while others overlapped to some degree. It took me a moment, but I soon recognised that what I was looking at was a map, the rings representing what I assumed to be territories. And it didn’t take much effort to guess who each one belonged to.
“From habitats we move onto behaviours, so let’s start with territories. Koalas are solitary animals. Yes, despite being herbivores. Considering they’re only awake for roughly four hours of the day I can hardly blame them. Lots to do and not a lot of time to do it. Jokes aside, once they mature they are quite independent, carving out a little slice of land for themselves, as displayed in this example, called a Home Range. That is not to say they go it alone and leave everything else behind however. Rather, as shown in the map behind me, they live in their own space while still being part of a larger social group.”
With another press of his pad the picture was updated to show one of two symbols in each segment, along with a key to the side of the map displayed in helpful Venlang. A quick glance told me that the symbols were representing whether the territory belonged to a male or female of the species.
“As you can see there is quite a bit of overlap between different Koalas territories. It is in these areas that most of the socialising takes place between neighbours. The trees in these locations represent the few areas where intrusion across territories is acceptable for the sake of social interaction. Outside of that the Koalas stick to their own territories for the most part, with the exceptions of those who are just passing through, attempting to become part of the social group themselves, or dominant males who sometimes go off into another Koala's range. But how do they know where one range begins and another range ends you might ask? Well, this brings us onto the next part of the lecture. How do Koalas communicate?”
Wiping away the map from the monitor, Bernard loaded up a video of a Koala sitting in a tree and pressed play. Head held high, the Koala’s body shook as it belted out a reverberating call into the wilderness that could only be described as a garbled combination of a car engine failing to turn over mixed with the hiccups of someone with a particularly sore throat.
That’s how they sound? Oof that must be rough on the lungs.
I clearly wasn’t the only one to share such a thought, because I clocked Sandi tracing a paw along her neck as the noise went on, ears fluttering in discomfort at the noise.
Bernard himself cleared his own throat as the video came to an end, minimising it and replacing it with another image of a tree with a Koala rubbing up against the bark, “I think they’ve got me beat on who’s got the deeper voice!”
His joke garnered several amused beeps, a rare reaction that caused a beaming smile to shine across his face at lighting speed, “Oh you’re too kind. I’ll be here all week. Now where were we? Oh yes! Communication. As you’ve just heard, Koalas are capable of loud low pitched bellows that can carry over vast distances. These express everything from ‘Hello I’m over here’ to ‘This is my turf, stay away’. Bellowing is more common in the males than the females, opting for shouting matches as opposed to outright fights when it comes to asserting dominance. Other vocal expressions include grunts, wails, and snarls if they’re acting particularly angsty. Mother and joey pairs also communicate through gentle clicking, squeaking, and murmuring sounds. And there’s one more thing worth mentioning. Something they have in common with Humans and Venlil when it comes to emoting.”
Really? They do something we do?
Curious, I pressed myself against the desk, straining as close as I could to once more scrutinise the Koala’s features. Not a lot stood out to me at first, the grey marsupial not sharing many similarities with a Venlil that I could identify.
Ok think. We show emotion with our ears, tails, and our wool on occasion. They don’t have tails so it’s obviously not that. Wool standing on end is more a reaction than a conscious expression. So it must be the ears then.
To my quiet satisfaction, my hunch was soon validated by Bernard, “As well as their vocalisations, Koalas are very emotive through their facial features. Just like humans, they use their mouths and lips to show how they feel, but these tend more towards the aggressive side of the scale than what you might see on a human. Regarding yourselves however, Koalas utilise their ears in tandem with their mouth movements when showing strong emotion.”
I was delighted to hear that my assumption was correct, a little happy flick twisting out through my tail and bapping against my chair with a muted thump against the plastic.
Hehe yes! Got one right!
“Now then, we are getting close to lunchtime so I’ll finish this segment off with something I think you’ll find particularly interesting. Diplomacy.”
Perplexed mutterings followed in the wake of the bizarre inclusion to the lecture, my own thoughts being dominated by bewilderment as I tried and failed to make sense of how the two could possibly be related.
Why would Koalas, or any animal for that matter, be linked to diplomacy? Hmmm...
I could understand dispatching exterminators to deal with a predator issue as a show of goodwill, that at least includes animals, but Humans aren’t like that so I think I can safely scratch that off the list.
Maybe the humans who live in that region benefited from Koalasome way. Could they have gotten something from them? But what?
Hopefully not what the pups get from their mothers.
Agh no! Begone awful intrusive thoughts. Blegh! I don’t need that in my head.
As I wrestled with the short-lived revulsion inflicted upon me by my Star's damned subconscious, Bernard placed a new image on screen, one that was decidedly different from all that had preceded it.
On screen were more than a couple dozen pictures of humans. Some were pictured alone while others congregated in large groups while cameras surrounded them from all angles. Across all the images, I noted two common themes. First of all, a solid majority of the humans were wearing formal wear similar to what I’d seen worn by UN representatives on TV. If the gaggle of journalists in the background of the photos didn’t already confirm my suspicions, then it was this similarity which made me conclude they were all people of some importance. Likely politicians judging from context clues.
Secondly, each of the individuals was interacting with a Koala in some form. Some cradled one against their chests while others were feeding it eucalyptus leaves or pellets of some kind. One of the assumed politicians had become an impromptu bed for a snoozing bundle of fur, a gleeful smile spread across their face as they lovingly gazed down at the sleeping Koala in their lap.
As I continued to stare at the assorted photos something clicked into place, a sudden spark flickering into life. A burgeoning light of comprehension that flared and swelled with every wide-eyed breath I took. Some things still escaped me, things I hoped would soon be explained, but in staring at all of the humans happy smiling faces, I was struck with an instant of pure understanding.
If someone, say a Nevok for instance, offered to gift me a creature that was common to them but which might exotic and breathtaking to a Venlil, how could my feelings not be swayed? How could I walk away from that encounter and not have grown closer to them as a result?
“Koala diplomacy,” Bernard waved his hand up at the monitor, a slight reverence in his tone, “My favourite kind of soft power diplomacy. Where political leaders take photo ops with Koala’s and, on occasion, the Australian government loans Koalas to other nations for a time to bolster positive relations. It certainly helps that Koalas a beloved animal worldwide, drawing large crowds and revenue for countries fortunate enough to host the adorable critters.”
The truly alien concept predictably sparked instant discussion in the herd, two polar opposite schools of thought swiftly cementing themselves as the most popular opinions. Simultaneously, I heard one voice trill excitedly while another scoffed at what they clearly saw as a ridiculous and offensive notion.
“Squee! That’d be so cool! I’d love to get the chance to see a Liri from Colia. Remember the Rainbow Boa? Think of that shimmering effect and colour but put it on a bird! Ah! I’ve only heard their song on video. It’d be a treat to hear it in person!”
Ooo! I’ve read about them! I’d love to get up close to one.
“Loaning. As if animals are property to be hoarded and traded? Pugh! Another predatory trait the humans don’t want to acknowledge for what it is.”
Ugh, typical. Jump right to the worst possible option.
However, despite my dismissal of their disparaging fumings, an uncomfortable thought pressed upon my mind. While it was plain to see how much humans cared for the Koala, it didn’t change the fact that humans did keep animals as property just as the scornful herd member had said.
This begged a rather important, disquieting question. Aside from keeping some animals as cattle, a stomach tightening minefield I had no desire to step a claw onto right now, how else did humans keep other creatures. And how did they treat them?
Before I was fully conscious of doing it my paw was in the air, the question primed on my tongue.
Noticing my elevated paw Bernard pointed at me, smiling warmly, “Yes Rysel? What’s on your mind?”
Sorry Bernard. I hope this one’s not too awkward for you to answer.
Flicking my ear in appreciation, and waiting for everyone to settle enough so that I could be heard, I voiced my concerns as neutrally as possible, “Thank you Doctor. I uh, just had a thought. We know that humans keep certain animals for… particular reasons, and we know why. From how you’ve spoken about Koalas I think it's fair to say that the same cannot be said for them. However, this makes me wonder, what other reasons do humans have for keeping animals and how do you treat them?”
A flash of surprise blinked across Bernard's eyes but vanished so quickly that it felt like I’d imagined it. Had he not expected such a question? Maybe he was just shocked that it’d been me who’d ended up asking it?
Stars, am I so predictable that no one expects me to ask difficult questions?
Unfortunately, a quick glance at my deskmates seemed to prove that to be the case, as both Sandi and Kailo were looking at me with differing degrees of astonishment flapping in their ears.
Well speh.
“A very good point Rysel, certainly one that’s worth raising. Yet another example of you all anticipating what I have to say before I can bring it up myself.” Bernard tapped the podium, switching off the monitor before returning his focus to me, “We won’t be needing that. I’ve nothing prepared that I can show you and we’re heading to lunch in a few minutes anyway. Still, that’s plenty of time to give you a bit of an answer.”
A bit? What does he mean just a bit?
Made even more curious by Bernard's preempted admission that he wasn’t going to fully answer my query, I dialled both my ears on him, fixing him with an inquisitive stare as he started to explain with a tone that was noticeably more nonchalant than any of his previous explanations.
“So, animals in captivity for reasons other than what you already know. Honestly I would love to delve into other reasons regarding why we keep animals. However, I have a lesson plan in the works that I hope to share with you all in the not too distant future. Some of it touches upon this very topic and I’d quite like to bundle it all together. That said, I can tell you how animals in captivity are treated. In short, the answer is very well. There are a mountain of laws both on private and public interests that govern the standards and ethical treatment of animals, and breaches of these laws are quite severe even for relatively minor infractions.”
While I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by the vague answer to what was really the bulk of my question, I was at least satisfied by Bernard’s assurances that animals in captivity, such as the Koala, were well looked after. Considering the barely subdued grumbling coming from some corners of the audience it was clear that several of the herd didn’t believe Bernard outright, but I trusted him to be honest. Additionally, the mention of an upcoming lecture focused on humans keeping animals caused quite the buzz.
I felt a mix of excitement and trepidation at exploring the topic further. He’d pretty much confirmed we wouldn’t be talking about cattle farms, for which I was relieved, but that still left a huge amount of uncertainty in what was to come.
Humans keeping animals as cattle was a forgone conclusion. As horrifying as that reality was, it was one I could understand from a detached and strictly clinical point of view. Being predators they ate meat and therefore they kept cattle. But the concept of keeping animals for any other reason baffled me.
What could be the purpose? The diplomacy thing makes sense now that I have context, but what other reasons could they have.
The class's discussions were interrupted by the recognisable ring of the break bell, the shift in attention eliciting a change in conversation from confused hypotheses to peppy conversation on how everyone was planning to spend their break and what they had in mind for 2nd meal.
“Well I can see everyone’s excited for lunch, and who am I to disappoint,” chuckling Bernard waved us all up from our seats, pocketing his pad from the podium and heading to open the classroom door for us, “Enjoy your break, get a good rest along with a hearty meal, and I’ll see you all back here at the usual time.”
As everyone else filed out I stayed behind, waving at Sandi and Kailo as they left, and pawing over to Bernard once he and I were the only ones left in the room.
Ears folded down and with an apologetic tinge in my voice I greeted him as I sidled up to him, “Hey Bernard, I uh… sorry if that last question was unexpected.”
Chortling in reply, Bernard waved a hand through the air in a sign I’d come to understand meant ‘not a problem’.
“No need to apologise Rysel. It was a good question and most certainly not a problem.”
Heh, called it.
I sighed, allowing tension I didn’t realise I’d been holding to relax itself from my shoulders, “Phew, that’s a relief. I’m glad. I’m curious to hear what this new lesson is you’ve got in store for us by the way.”
Bernard wagged a finger at me, throwing up his eyebrows in mock amazement, “Oh are you now? Well I’m afraid you’ll have to remain curious for the time being. It’s going to be quite the surprise if all goes to plan. But…”
He trailed off, glancing at me before looking to the door like he was making sure no one else was around.
Wait, is he going to tell me? Oh please yes let me know now!
Stopping myself from jumping on the spot in excited anticipation, and trying my damndest to stop my tail from wagging in equal measure, I stared up at Bernard as he stewed in his thoughts before turning back to face me.
“I can’t tell you the specifics, but I’m working with Alejandro and Tolim to get something together. A trip that’s not a trip as it were. And when it happens, I’m going to need a few of the more accepting members of the class to lend me a hand. I’m hoping you and a couple others will be able to help with that?”
A trip that’s not a trip? What does that mean? Agh who cares about that right now! Bernard’s relying on me to help out!
Still trying not to keep myself from bouncing around with pup like glee I swished my tail and nodded my head in joint agreement, happy to help with whatever Bernard had in store for us, “Of course! Anything you need I’ll be there to lend a paw. You can count on me!”
A broad warm smile lit up Bernard's face, a hand patting me on the shoulder in appreciation, “Thank you Rysel. I knew I could rely on you but it still warms my heart to hear it. And, as thanks for this and for the many times you’ve shown your support, the surprise includes a little something special I think you’d appreciate the most.”
If my earlier enthusiasm had been at a nine, then the implication of a supposed gift sent it rocketing all the way to a hundred in a heartbeat.
“Wait… WHAT!? What do you mean? What are you doing?”
As impossible as it seemed, Bernard's grin grew even wider as I almost lost myself in wool shaking exhilaration, “Call it my own form of Koala diplomacy. But I’m afraid that’s all I can say for now. Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise even for you!”
“Oh you ass!” Whistling jovially I bapped my tail against Bernard’s leg in fake indignation, evoking a barking bellowing laugh from the man himself.
Still laughing, the two of us departed the class and made for the canteen, my rumbling stomach leading me on while my mind spun with fantastical thoughts as to what Bernard had prepared for us.
And what specifically he had in store for me.

Act 1 Scene 1
Int. Edd's Apartment Room - Bedroom - Morning
Edd (In sleep bed) SNORE, SNORE, SNORE- (EDD’S face is sprayed with Cola) I SUREDDER! (Looks around room) Oh.
(Cut to) Edd Int. Edd's Apartment room - Closet - Morning (Edd Choses which Hoodie to wear) [Hoodies references to different Hoodie designs] (Picks his Modern Hoodie design)
(Cut to) Int. Edd's Apartment Room - Bathroom Edd (Grabs toothbrush) (Zooms in to show that's it’s Cola flavored) (Brushes teeth) (Grabs cup of Cola) (Gurgles it) (Spits it out) (Makes a big wide smile showing his horrible teeth)
(Cut to) Edd Int. Edd's Apartment Room - Kitchen - Morning (Edd takes bacon in a Oven) (Puts it on a plate) (Edd sits at his table) (Holds up fork and spoon and licks his lips before shoving the entire plate into his mouth) NOM, NOM, NOM MM! The plate is always the best part! Act 1 Scene 2
(Transition to) Int. Edd's Apartment Room - Living Room - Morning Edd (Sits on couch) Ah.. it is a good day to watch Return of the Insane Zombeh Pirates from Hell 4! SLAM (The door goes as MATT and TOM come in)
Matt (Overlapping Tom) BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH I FOUND THIS GUY AND HE SOLD ME CRACK SO I GAVE IT TO A TWO YEAR OLD THEN IT STARTED TO-
Tom (Overlapping Matt) BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH I PULLED AND PULLED BUT IT WOULDN'T COME OUT, SO I GOT A PLANT AND STARTED SAYING NEVER GONNA GIVE-
Edd SHUT UP! (Matt and Tom look at each other) What is it…
Matt He broke mirror #1028!
Tom Nuh Uh!
Edd (Sigh) Tom, did you break the mirror?
Tom No!
Matt Liar, Liar, Dance on Pliers!
Tom (re: notice) Uh, Edd I found this by your door. (Hands to Edd)
Edd (Grabs) Blah, Blah, Blah. Your landlord will require possession of your apartment in 16 days, if rent is not paid! Oh no, I can't afford to paid rent!
Tom Don't worry- well actually do worry bc we all got it.
Matt Can't we mooch off of that crackhead down the street again?
Tom I’ve run out of crack to give to him, and I don't got enough to buy any either.
Edd Can't we get a job?
Tom Don’t you remember what happened last time we got a job!
Edd Oh yeah, we got fired for “immaturity, and irresponsible” or whatever bogus they said.
Matt We’re perfectly mature! They have to have a screw loose!
Tom One time I agree with you Matt. Right Edd… Edd?
Edd (Face plants onto couch) It’s hopeless…
Tom Come on Edd, things could be better!
Edd Do you mean worse?
Tom No, I meant better.
Matt Yeah, you could be friends with a stupid, narcissist and an unsupportive, alcoholic.
Edd (Annoyed, or disappointed face) Well… I guess- TOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
Tom (Standing on a chair with a hanging rope hanging from the ceiling fan) Who’s going second bc I'm going first.
Edd Tom, we promised to commit suicide when we get kids!
Tom Oh yeah.
Edd Tom, do you remember that safe in our old house?
Tom Yeah, the one that we left behind when it got destroyed?
Edd Yeah, that one. I was thinking we could go back and break into it. There’s bound to be some cash left in there.
Matt But what if the cops catch us?
Tom Relax, Matt. We’ll make sure no one sees us.
Edd We’ll go at night and make sure to cover our tracks.
Edd But we have no mask- (Tom, Matt are suddenly in Goofy Villain outfit) Edd Where did you even get those
Matt Dumpster!
Edd There's no way I'm wearing one of those! Act 1 Scene 3
(Cuts To) Ext. Old House - Backyard
The three friends stand in the backyard, wearing their goofy villain outfits, as Edd adjusts his costume with annoyance.
Edd (Cont'D) "This is ridiculous. I can't believe you two made me wear this."
Matt (Excitedly) "You look great! We're like the Three Stooges of crime!"
Tom (Grinning) "Yeah, but instead of just being fools, we're gonna be rich fools!”
Edd Matt did you cover our tracks?
Matt Yeah, look. (Shows an path of purple path leading right up to their location)
Tom Matt you know when I said I hated you?
Matt Yeah?
Tom I DIDN'T LIE!
Matt Aw...
Edd "Alright, let's just get this over with. We break into the safe, grab the cash, and get out. Simple enough."
Tom (Cocky) "Piece of cake, guys. We're professional criminals now."
Matt (Excitedly) "We're going to be rich!"
(The friends approach the safe and begin trying to open it.)
Edd Uh, does anyone remember the code?
Tom Not me!
Edd Matt?
(Camera pans to Matt admiring a picture of himself)
Matt I thought I lost you forever baby (Matt says as kissing it)
Edd
Tom(drunk) My idea is to blow up an orphanage!
Edd How do you get drunk off of Smirnoff in 4 seconds!?
Tom(drunk) Idk ask the unicorn in the sky!
Edd (Sigh) I'm going home.
As Edd turns to leave, Tom comes to his senses.
Tom "Guys, hang on. What if we try a brute force attack? Like, really give it a good ol' college try?"
Edd (Sarcastically) “Oh yes, because that's so much better than blowing up an orphanage.”
Tom (Ignoring the comment) “Just hear me out. We all know that safes have a maximum number of combination attempts before they lock us out. So, what if we just brute force it?”Edd But what brute force would... (Edd's eyes spark up with an idea, and a devious smile form's on his face)
Tom So... what's the idea?
Edd (Raises his eyebrows)
Tom I don't speak eyebrows?
Matt (Raises eyebrows)
Tom What!?
Edd (Overlapping Matt) THROW TOM!
Matt (Overlapping Edd) THROW TOM!
Tom Did I ever tell yall I HATE ALL OF YOU!As Matt and Edd start shoving Tom towards the safe, he starts resisting and shouting obscenities at them.
Tom (Yelling) "What the hell is wrong with you guys?! I'm not a goddamn battering ram!"
Matt (Laughing) "Oh come on, it'll be fine! What's the worst that could happen?"
Edd (Shoving Tom) "Just go with it, Tom. You'll thank us later."
Tom (Reluctantly) "Fine, but if I break anything, I'm suing you two.”(Edd and Matt lift Tom over their head and chuck him head first into the safe making a extremely loud smash)
Edd See Tom, that wasn't so bad!
Tom I think broke one of my hair bones
Matt Is it open?
Edd Nope. It's dented tho!Edd Still dented.
Matt Again-
(The gang hear police sirens)
Matt OH NO I'M TOO PRETTY TO GO TO JAIL!
(The police pull up and get out of the cop car with gun)
Cop 1 PUT YOUR HANDS UP!
(The entire gang puts their hands up with a ton of Matt's pictures falling out of his clothes)
(The police officers look confused as they witness the sight in front of them.*)
Officer 1 (Perplexed) “What the hell happened here?”
Matt (Innocently) “We were just trying to break into a safe. No big deal.” Act 1 Scene 4 Int. Cop Car - Midnight
Tom (Drowsy) “Why do my eyelids feel like heavy rocks…?”
Matt (Looking confused) “Hey, does anyone else smell pickles?”
Edd (Snickering) I knew I shouldn't have put on pickle deodorant!
Cop 1 (Driving) “Quiet, back there!”
Edd (Mumbling) Sorry Angry Mcgee!
Matt (Whisper) Pss, Edd!
Edd What?
Matt Get this! (Quickly throws a picture to Edd with his mouth)
Edd What is- Holy S**t I thought I lost this forever!
Camera pans down to show Edd, Matt, and Tom when they first moved in, including a old friend named Tord)*As the camera pans down to the picture, we see a glimpse of a time long ago. Three friends – Edd, Matt, and Tom – are laughing and smiling, with a fourth boy, Tord, standing beside them. They're holding balloons and standing in front of a house they recently moved into. Act 1 Scene 5
(Transition to) Jail - Cell - Midnight
Edd TOM! I'M DYING HELP ME!
Edd is dramatically lying on his back, holding an empty Cola can, pretending to have a heart attack. Meanwhile, Tom is sitting on a bunk bed and rolls his eyes.
Tom (Sarcastically) “Oh, yes, because your Cola addiction is definitely the biggest concern here. Not us being thrown in jail overnight.”
Edd OH WOE IS ME!
Edd writhes around on the bed in despair, while Tom just sits there, clearly agitated by Edd's melodrama.
Tom "Edd, you've been going on about your cola running out for hours now. Can you give it a rest, please?"
Edd (Frantically) "You don't understand, Tom! My cola was my life! How am I supposed to survive here without it?"
Tom (Tired) "Perhaps you should try sleeping or something?”Matt Uh, guys why is there a dude in helicopter trying to shoot us with a bazooka?
Edd (Sarcastically) Well thats just great.
(The group is flung back as the cell window is blasted open)
The man with the bazooka comes through the smoke.
Paul Hello, uh sorry I don't know your names. The Red Leader only refers people as code names.
Tom The Red who?
Matt My name is the beautiful Matt-
Edd covers Matt's mouth
Edd Don't tell him your name idiot!
Paul My name is Paul.
Camera Pans to Matt
Matt Why are your eyebrows 20 feet tall?
Camera Pans back to Paul
Paul They aren't even that big are you blind!?
Camera Pans back to Matt
Matt suddenly wearing blind glasses
Matt Yes
Patryk Hi my name is Patryk-
Paul PATRYK YOUR FLYING THE HELICOPTER!
Patryk Oh.
We hear a Helicopter explosion from outside. Paul and Patryk look down from the exposed cell wall, showing the burning half-destroyed Helicopter.
Patryk Don't worry I'll fix those scratches!
Paul Whatever.
Edd So, are you here to save us?
Paul Nah, we're gonna capture you!
Edd Aw, Bugger
Paul pulls out a "Super cool taser gun" as the label on the taser gun says.
Tom Lame.
(Tom is shocked and knocked out by the taser gun)
(The group watches in shock as Tom goes down from the taser-gun.)
Matt (Panicking) "Oh no, Tom! Edd, do something!!"
Edd (In shock) "What can I do? There's two nut jobs with a taser gun and an assault rifle who are trying to capture us!"
Paul (Casually) "Don't worry, if you don't resist, you'll be safe. The Red Leader just wants you guys for a special project.”
Edd Whatever.
Edd blacks out
(Cut to) Helicopter - Backseat - Morning
Edd wakes up
Edd (Distraught) Ow my head hurts!
Tom (Confused) What happened?
Edd (Deep Voice) Hey Babe.
Tom (Angry) Wtf Edd!
Matt is making muffled sounds because of a mask on his face that says "Beware ugly fish monster behind mask." Edd takes the mask off of Matt.
Edd (Disturbed) EW, the mask was right!
Matt (Angry) Hey!
Paul So you finally woke up!
Matt Uh, yeah
Edd This reminds me of when I flew a Helicopter when I was in the Uk Army!
Paul (Confused) You were in the army!?
Matt We all were can't you tell just by looking at us!
Camera pans to show all of the three boys looking exaggeratedly more stupid than usual.
Paul No.
The three friends look at each other in annoyance, feeling belittled by Paul's remark. Tom speaks up.
Tom (Sarcastically) "Oh wow, thanks for the compliment. Nice to know we look like a bunch of army rejects."
Matt (Defensively) "Excuse me, we are actually highly trained and intelligent individuals... in our own special way.”
Tom (Sarcastically) At least two of us are!
Tom and Edd high-five. Matt not realizing that they are inferring that he's the stupid one, keeps a smile on his face
Edd (Amused) Wait didn't your Helicopter crash like a few hours ago?
Patryk (Proudly) This is my 857th Helicopter!
Edd's Amused face goes to worried.
Edd (Unsettled) “Oh boy, this is going to be one bumpy ride…”
Edd At least we're away from the HELI-COP-TER
Everyone looks at Edd because of the horrible pun.
Tom So, where are we going?
Paul To the "SUPER EVIL EDGY VILLAINOUS BASE!"
The camera zooms out of the Helicopter to show that the place is actually called "SUPER EVIL EDGY VILLAINOUS BASE!"
Edd Well that's just silly.

Cawthon, Scott. The Bobbiedots Conclusion: An AFK Book (Five Nights at Freddy’s: Tales from the Pizzaplex #5). Scholastic Inc, 2023. 

Cawthon, Scott. The Bobbiedots Conclusion: An AFK Book (Five Nights at Freddy’s: Tales from the Pizzaplex #5). Scholastic Inc, 2023. 

Im a few hours after my first dose, after taking my first 30mg dose after like an hour I noticed quite a few positives, I feel like the mental noise has calmed, im not anxious and I was able to do some reading without needing any other stimulation.
I dont feel the "euphoria" I do feel slightly "lighter", but its subtle if that makes sense and I had a slight headache after a little while also a little drowsy.
So my question is, I know these effects will wear off after a few days, does the fact that my first dose worked so well mean im likely able to reachieve these effects once im on the right dose? If so then I'm really fucking happy because I feel like I can actually be a person, keep in mind my ADHD isnt gone, but I can definitely manage this

Does anyone have suggestions for how to combat the fatigue Lexapro causes? I have been on it since October and it is truly amazing for me anxiety/depression wise BUT it makes me over sleep and super drowsy all morning and increases my executive dysfunction, memory issues, and brain fog.
I have tried taking it in the evening, in the morning, and in the afternoon and none of it seems different.
The biggest issue is that I am a mother of two (one is under one year old) and a full time online college student and cannot be sleeping this much or drowsy/unproductive half the day. Once I take my ADHD meds things improve quite a bit, but I usually take those around 10AM (when I remember). If I take them earlier, then they wear off too soon and I often need them effective until dinner time so that I actually make dinneclean the kitchen.
Side note: I have also been really abusing caffeine due to this issue as well. I will drink a large cup of coffee in the morning, and two energy drinks before 1PM. This is problematic for MANY reasons as well, but feel I can’t get through the morning without them if I want to get anything done.