Being stuck in a toxic relationship can feel incredibly confusing and soul-sucking. You might feel like you can't live without the person, even though they cause you constant pain and stress. Despite all the trauma and dread they bring into your life, a part of you feels deeply connected to them, almost like you're trapped in their gravitational pull.
Even when you try to gather the courage to leave for good, intrusive thoughts start spinning in your mind: "But how will I survive alone?" "They're all I know - who am I without them?" "I can't bear the loneliness and change." This kind of anxious dependency can feel impossible to escape, trapping you indefinitely in that painful environment where someone exploits you for their own selfish needs.
You might even have the best support network and, on a physical level, in terms of money, friends, and family support, you don’t really need them. But the thought of not being able to survive without them still persists. So, why does it feel that way?
The Comfortable Broken Chair Analogy
The answer lies in the comfort we get when we get used to something. However toxic it is, that relationship has become more like that comfortable broken chair. It might be uncomfortable and even hurt you when you sit on it, and you logically know that you need to throw it away and replace it.
But that’s the hardest thing you can do, as you feel the wobbly chair has been an important part of your life. You’ve been through a lot together, and you cannot just replace it like that. The idea of selling that chair and getting another one seems like too much work, as you’d have to shop around, move out, and look for something better, and all those activities before you get another one.

Strangely, the broken chair has its own kind of comfort and convenience, even though it’s causing you a lot of pain. It’s less tedious to just persevere with it for ‘another year,’ and that’s how a toxic relationship feels.
You really get to the point where you feel you’ve gotten used to it and believe that you can’t manage to survive without it. When your beliefs have adapted to a place where you’re constantly invalidated, they will feed you all sorts of rationalizations and excuses to keep you stuck there.
After all, they’ve become part of your identity, and that identity will do whatever it takes to survive. It will look for ways to survive in a hurtful environment instead of looking for ways to escape it. You start to anticipate the familiar psychological and mental pain of the broken chair and even convince yourself that you can handle it.
Even when the pain becomes unbearable, our mind stills tricks us to sticking to it because it’s a narrative that has been deeply ingrained in our psyche ever since you were young.
The only way to break free is to become very aware of the unconscious attachments keeping us stuck in that toxic situation. It’s about really asking ourselves questions about those negative beliefs and outrightly calling them out as false beliefs. Your true essence is that of joy and bliss. Those beliefs are just preventing you from seeing that you weren't really born that way or that you come from a ‘cursed generation’; those are just beliefs bred from other beliefs.
Question their legitimacy, and slowly but surely, you will be removing the dirt from your eyes so that you can see that you can survive without them and even go beyond surviving to thriving. Those beliefs limit your possibilities and the options you have once you leave the relationship. But once you see beyond them, you will realize that there are a lot of options for you and that even a healthy relationship is within reach. You can definitely survive without them; you just have to keep going.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Today at about 10 am me and my step-dad went to Canadian tire to grab some sockets they had on sale. We both browsed separately and my dad shot me a text telling me he went to the car and to meet him out there. I decided to take the short way out (by the buzzer exit, you need to be buzzed through to exit) but I decided I would just squeeze through the gate because I didn't buy anything, have anything on me and I was parked just outside the doors.
Just as I was squeezing through, some guy grabbed me and just threw me over the buzzer door, kicked me on the ground and I was knocked unconscious. I woke up less than a minute later I think and I was being helped up by the same guy and a couple of bystanders who just happened to be there I guess. They sat me down in the waiting area to have your car serviced and at first I thought it was just a random assault, because they called the police and so I stayed there by my own volition.
5 minutes and police showed up, and to my surprise they told me to get up and go into the private room they had. My step dad was coming in at the time and was just as confused as I was.
When I was sat in the private room, the guy who apparently assaulted me and the manager of the store with the two cops were there and he pulled out a pack of two tail light bulbs for a car, and said I was trying to steal them and he caught me. He said he watched me put them in my hoodie pocket and try to walk out and was ignoring him when he asked me to stop. He said he man handled me to try and get them back and I slipped and fell. Cops asked for video footage, he looked kind of nervous, left for about 10 minutes, came back and said the cameras were not recording at the time.
To also preface things, I'm clean cut, 19, no record, never stole a thing in my life, no speeding tickets and I do not look like the type to steal.
The police took their report, one of the cops examined my head, and said it would be good to have it checked out. We called the paramedics but they had no estimated time of arrival, and so one of the officers offered to take me there and which I said no I would rather have my dad drive me. They both stayed at the Canadian tire and one went back of the counter to what I assume to check the video footage to see what was happening.
I got to the hospital, and the injuries I've sustained were:
Concusion Open wound head injury Bruised side rib Scrapes and bruises on my arm Sore back Bruised tailbone Hernia
As a result, I'm unable to attend what would be my first day of work tomorrow as a powerline technician, this is until I have surgery for my hernia as I use my core for climbing.
I am in pretty bad shape, I do feel like my head is fuzzy and I'm in pretty bad pain near my groin area where the hernia occurred. My eyes are not seeing right and I have a bad riding in both ears, but the doctors said it most likely will not be permanent and to get things checked out in a week. I am being held in the hospital until tomorrow where they want to monitor me. I have a terrible headache too.
Basically, how do I prove I wasn't stealing and I didn't "slip and fall" and get all these injuries? It doesn't even look like I tripped, you can see an obvious bruise on the right side of me, one just under my tailbone and my head has an Injury to it as well as my arm being scraped up.
What would I be entitled to as a ballpark estimate? I want to make sure my potential employment is covered, my wages and future wages to be covered. I'm only 19 and this has really messed things up for me.

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The substances in semen primarily come from the seminal vesicles, two glands located behind the bladder. The prostate gland contributes to semen as well.
Specific substances in semen include:
fructose
amino acids
citric acid
phosphorus
potassium
acid phosphatase
calcium
sodium
zinc
potassium
fibrinolysin
mucus
The testes also release sperm into the semen, which makes up around 5%Trusted Source of semen volume.

Hi everyone!
Just found out about the sub and I'm glad I did!
For starters, I don't have any formal diagnosis, other than an orthopedist saying that I had ligamentous laxity years ago. I've always been very flexible and mobile, but not to dangerous levels. Nowadays I mostly some issues with my shoulders, wrists, and hip. They crack loudly, if I stay in one position too long they hurt, and if I hyperextend them, my body just kind of... lets it, so I have to be extra careful.
Today I was working out and tried to squat with the bar on my back, correct form, proper weights and all. I had tried it using a lowbar setup (a different way to position the bar, pretty much, many powerlifters use it to squat!) and my shoulder cracked loudly. I felt pain and as if my bones were kind of rocking against each other. I felt it again in other exercises, but not on the same level. It still hurts depending on how much force I use and what movement I'm doing, so I'm trying to get some rest and not move it too much (accepting tips on how to help this, if you have any!)
People with hypermobile shoulders who also workout: how do you do this, how do you live, do you have any recs on how I can better protect my shoulders when weightlifting? Do you simply avoid some exercises?
Thank you all, sorry for the long post and if I shouldn't be posting here! I don't have a formal diagnosis and my issues are not very severe, so I understand if this post should not be here. Either way, thank you for your attention!

I am not OOP. OOP is u/Constant_Barnacle992
Posted in TrueOffMyChest 2 months ago- https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1caj4og/i_ruined_my_wifes_life/
Update #1 to add more context in same post as first post.
Update #2 in the same post as the first.
Update #3 posted in TrueOffMyChest 5 days ago.
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1d7eiq1/i_ruined_my_wifes_life_again/
I (m43) try to do my best to provide for my wife (f38) and 2 kids (3,5) as well as my MIL and would like to think I am doing a decent job. Over the years, I worked to improve our family’s living situation, not only did I complete another bachelors and recently masters in a STEM related degree, I at the same time worked 2 full time jobs (while completing my 2nd bachelors) and put my wife through school as well. She completed a degree where she could make good money (~60-70k/yr) in a healthcare field that always has jobs available. But with the birth of our 2 kids, she has since “gave up” on her career to be a SAHM for the time being. At first it was a struggle while I was finishing up my masters. Once I completed it, after our youngest turned 3 my career took a jump up and we are now able to afford our single income household in a more feasible manner. We’re far from rich but do ok for a single income family of 4 (a little north of 150k base+ bonuses). The past year life was overwhelming per my wife, so even though I now work 75% from home, I budgeted to hire a daytime nanny to help her around the house with 1 child while the other is in school now
My day starts everyday around 530-6am. I get the house ready for the day before the nanny comes at 8am, I get our oldest up and ready for school, breakfast made, and plan out my day, bring our oldest to drop off, and be home in time to let the nanny in. My most recent task at work has me grounded for the next 2 months meaning I am now 100% WFH, while this is nice, I am busy in meetings all day as my role manages teams on a global scale as I oversee projects from my industry. For the past 1 ½ months, I realized… my wife as much as she says her life is stressful at home… starts at 10am. I asked my MIL and nanny if this was always the case after a week or so of wfh, and they both responded more or less… sometimes earlier sometimes later. My wife literally wakes up and cooks and then scrolls through her phone or shops from home… which brings me to my gripe.
I am glad I am able to provide her that sort of life since we both grew up lacking in means. I get the possibility of postpartum depression, the stress of having kids, the feeling of being unfulfilled, the fact that I probably am a shitty husband… but for what it’s worth… everything is taken care of and then some.
I manage the houses finances (she claimed she was too busy to do so), pay all the household bills, I pay my own personal bills, I pay her bills, track and perform all the upkeep of our house appliances/cars/pets/etc., and I also “help” pay for my MIL’s medical bills and car note.
…but apparently my life is on easy street compared to hers. I can't decompress to her because it seems like she always feels the need to 1 up me. I had a bad day… but she had it worse cause I’m lucky I got to go away and work… My feet hurt from walking all day during work travel, which is nothing compared to her standing and cooking with a child clinging to her. For the past 2 or so years… I’ve been told I ruined her life, her opportunities, etc… but when I reminded her of what she says, she denies and dodges accountability. My MIL has brought me aside and stated she’s noticed a change in both myself and my wife. I have a greater attachment to my kids and hell… I’ve hugged the dogs and talked to them more about my life than to my wife. I honestly feel like I am in emotional survival mode as I’m one step from moving up the career ladder and one step away from finding love and comfort from the bottom of a whiskey bottle.
I’m sure I’ll be hearing from the manly men of reddit about how I’m simping… but I’m not a machine. I just want to know and feel that someone I prioritize aside from my kids appreciates and loves me for what I do… I’m sure I’ll hear from the stay at home moms of reddit… which is fine. I grew up in a single parent/mother household. It’s not easy… and honestly with the help of her mother and a nanny Mon-Fri, for one toddler while another child is at school… Can you honestly tell me she’s having the typical SAHM experience? Because neither my friends or colleagues who are single parents can say she is. I’m sure the masses of holier than thou redditors will consider this a poorly written fanfic, but it is what it is.
TL;DR Long story short, It feels as if my wife has checked out of our marriage… we’re only roommates where she can still reap the marriage benefits. I’m not asking for her to throw herself at me all the time and let me do whatever I want… I really just want to be told I’m doing good and just offer me some form of emotional comfort as simple as a hug, but I guess as the man who ruined her life, I deserve it.
Update #1 in same post.
*Thank you for the replies. To add more context:

1. Never cheated. I do work in an industry that has a large female population, but I’m literally an open book with work, name colleagues and staff under me, she has access to my work agendas and correspondence if she really wanted to snoop, but on that note she still doesn’t know what exactly I do for a living at this time…
2. We as whole family her parents and mine have tried to get her to go to therapy but she refuses or skirts around the issue.
3. Aside from my coming from a single mother household perse, my biological dad was present in my life. She has had both parents in a reportedly monogamous marriage for over 40 years.
4. I have tried to talk to her about everything and my own feelings but again… 1 upmanship tends to be the trend here.
5. What I am getting out of the marriage was asked… now, aside from my 2 beautiful kids, I’ve been asking myself that same question. We have a near nonexistent sex life mainly since last year. I always figured maybe it’s part of depression or whatever she may be going through… maybe I’m just not attractive enough or just horrible in bed because of my health conditions… I’m not some super model husband but temptation and opportunity does knock and I can perform still but I never give in, because as cliche as it sounds I honestly do love my wife and want to only be with her.
6. I’ll give credit where credit is due as I don’t want to sound biased: when I say she wakes up and cooks she cooks for everyone in the house. Myself, kids, MIL, and even nanny. Aside from breakfast she cooks all meals and snacks. I typically fast until lunch time and our oldest tends to eat a small simple breakfast incase they don’t like what school serves that morning. She does load both the kids and her laundry… but seldomly folds and puts them up. I typically do my own and the rest of my clothes I dry clean because they’re work clothes. She does keep track of our pantry and fridge? But after she makes the list I’m the one who goes out and buys everything if not delivered. She does clean our bathrooms and house 50% of the time, the other 50 is done by either MIL or myself or sometime nanny if she feels like being extra helpful.
7. Prior to nanny, my MIL was the main help for my wife up until she had unexpected medical needs. So I opted to hire a nanny to help them both, more so when MIL is having treatments and recovering.

Update #2 at the top of same post.
UPDATE 06May2024. Not sure if anyone would read this, but thank you for those who have reached out and chit chatted. While I know I’ve kept my newfound friends here updated, I figured I just update my post and keep it short.
I showed my wife my post the following weekend and she read it and all the comments. Long story short, argument, she left our house to stay with her sister, and I’ve been a “single parent” since.
It’s sad to say, aside from the goodnights to our kids it’s all pretty much the same routine.
Nothing much else to say other than thank you for all the kind words of encouragement.
***just need to add, this post got bigger than I expected from a venting post but I’ve responded to a few comments. Nonetheless, thank you for the comments and DMs… and more so for the offers to let me ruin your life ha. It’s been the highlight of my day/night as I sit here drinking with my dog while everyone else is asleep.
It feels depressingly sad that I feel that I have to turn to random internet strangers for some sort of validation in my rant. My apologies in advance as I try to keep this as vague as possible.
Update 3 posted in TrueOffMyChest 5 days ago
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1d7eiq1/i_ruined_my_wifes_life_again/
**First off, thank you for all the comments and DMs. Some context and clarification since admittingly my post was emotionally charged since I typed it up after another argument. **
Post birth, our kids pediatrician’s office gave my wife those PostPartum Depression screening forms and during the time of both she scored pretty high and was suggested to see a therapist. With our second child she scored significantly higher and we or I should say I made an effort to get her the help she needs. She refused, so entered mother-in-law and nanny for support… I know what people will say/think, but this is one of the reasons I am not 100% ready to just give up and file our life together away.
Also, I know silently suffering in the near and long run of our kids' future will not add to a healthy atmosphere, but neither would a bitter and hate filled divorce. I know some have compared it to the ripping off a bandage, saying it’ll hurt at first but that pain goes away but I’d rather try to spare my kids thinking that their parents ended up hating each other because of them or something along those lines.
I’ve told a few ppl I talk to in DM since my last post, a little more insight on my personal life, prior to my promotion I was a PM managing teams and budgets so out of habit I plan for a lot of “what ifs.”. That being said, I made a number of contingency plans if sadly things went south. So, yes I:
Have talked to a lawyer, 3 actually. Know our rights and what each of us are entitled to. Have a draft settlement created and on hold until I feel I need to use it. I know what I want and am willing to offer more than what is fair for our kids' well being, but also have a plan if we end up going to court.
It’s 100% on me that I’m suffering in silence, but I’m too stubborn to just give up so while I am venting, I don't expect anyone to “feel sorry for me”. I endure it to keep the norm our kids know, ensure my MIL’s treatments go uninterrupted, and of course the hope my wife would finally be open to give therapy a shot and climb together to a better place.
Thank you all again.
I just wanted to update those who have been kind enough to check up via DM and comments. Apologies in advance for the lengthy post. It’s a bit of irony and coincidence that I made a follow up from the update on 06May2024 I made on my original post during men’s mental health awareness month but I could really use another outlet outside of my therapist. My apologies if this isn’t the story book ending/destroying of a relationship people were hoping for…
To save you a read. Wife left. Came back like nothing happened. She made it about her. Nothings changed. I’m continuing to be suffering mentally knowing nothing will change while trying to keep it together for our kids. Lots of take out.
The day after she packed up and left, my wife attempted to come back and take the kids with her to her sister’s. Naturally I was against this and thankfully so was her whole family including said sister. Not only was it not fair to our kids for her to sweep them away into a home that’s not theirs but to put that financial and housing stress on the rest of her family since she doesn’t work and her sister and her family (husband and 3 kids) stays with their dad in the house they grew up in.
After a little over a week of being away, I guess she cooled off so she just decided that it would be fine if she walked in the door with her bags as if she just came back from Target. She came into my office while I was working and angrily stared at me while I sat on a conference call meeting with my team and I couldn't just jump off as this is a busy time of the quarter for us. I guess that didn’t sit well with her because once I took off my headset and closed my laptop she started yelling at me about how much I really don’t care about her and her well being overall. At that moment I couldn't do anything more than look at her and just shake my head. Mother in law came in after hearing my wife yelling and pulled her away, telling her to not bother me, while our nanny kept our youngest away from it all on the other side of the house.
That night after the kids were put to bed, I sat in my office by myself with a drink as I have been doing for the past nights and my wife came in. We talked. We argued. We cried. We drank. One thing led to another and we were in bed. I wish I could say that was our making up but the next sobering morning as we laid there, she went on about how hard it was for her the time she was gone. Literally… it was about her struggles staying at her family house in her old room with her dad and sister’s family. How lucky I am to be able to stay here and do this and that and buy this or do that and not stress as much as they did.
How easy MY and everyone else's in our family lives are compared to hers even though we had similar upbringings…
My mind and heart broke that morning. I’ve been spiraling down since then and this last week I made another attempt to reconcile and talk things out, but I was met with a shouting match while trying to express my current stress and anxieties with life and work in general:
Wife: ”... well do you know how hard this is all for me? You’re supposed to help me be happy.” Me: “So when it comes to my happiness, stress, needs, and overall well being… fk me get over it right? ” Wife: “ We all have our own problems, you need to figure it out and get over them.”
I don't know who the woman I am at home with is but that wasn’t the woman I married and vowed to spend my life with and raise our kids together. Since that conversation, I’ve been noticeably distant with her. I’ve been sleeping in my office or on the couch or with my kids in their bed after putting either one of them to sleep. Still doesn't change her starting her day at 10am… and sitting on her phone talking to her mom groups between cooking meals with the kids in both mother in law and nanny’s care.
Nothing has changed and I doubt that anything will change. Sadly, I think even if we got a divorce, nothing would change or feel different anyway since during my wife’s leaving the days seemed like any other day except with a little more take out than usual. My main fear there isn’t that I wouldn’t just lose my wife, I’d lose my kids in the process.
So I guess it’s sad to say the grand finale to my story with like alot of men and some women I’ve talked to here, I’ll just continue to smile and suffer in silence.

I may be late to celebrate his royal badness' birthday, but I did this to honor him. . Wedding Feast - 0:00/0:54 My Little Pill - 0:00/1:09 An Honest Man - 0:00/1:13 Sister - 0:00/1:31 Breathe - 0:00/2:01 All the Midnights in the World - 0:00/2:21 The Flow - 0:00/2:26 Extraordinary - 0:00/2:28 There is Lonely - 0:00/2:29 Don't Play Me - 0:00/2:48 The Marrying Kind - 0:00/2:49 Everywhere - 0:00/2:54 Noon Rendezvous - 0:00/3:00 Aintturninround - 0:00/3:02 Dream Factory - 0:00/3:07 I Like It There - 0:00/3:15 Da Bang - 0:00/3:19 The Same December - 0:00/3:24 Pretzelbodylogic - 0:00/3:26 When Eye Lay My Hands on U - 0:00/3:41 S.S.T - 0:00/3:42 Funky Design - 0:00/3:45 4ever - 0:00/3:47 Solo - 0:00/3:48 The Morning Papers - 0:00/3:57 $ - 0:00/3:57 Valentina - 0:00/3:59 Make Your Mama Happy - 0:00/4:01 The Latest Fashion - 0:00/4:02 Screwdriver - 0:00/4:14 Work That Fat - 0:00/4:35 U're Gonna C Me (MPLSound) - 0:00/4:36 Circle of Amour - 0:00/4:43 Illusion, Coma, Pimp and Circumstance - 0:00/4:45 Mr. Happy - 0:00/4:46 Dance 4 Me - 0:00/4:58 Dolphin - 0:00/4:59 7 - 0:00/5:10 Thunder - 0:00/5:45 Big Tall Wall v1 - 0:00/5:58 Van Gogh - 0:00/5:59 3 Chains O' Gold - 0:00/6:03 Chocolate Box - 0:00/6:13 . The Rest of My Life - 0:01/1:40 Feel Better, Feel Good, Feel Wonderful - 0:01/3:52 Strange But True - 0:01/4:12 Slow Love - 0:01/4:22 The Love We Make - 0:01/4:39 Housequake - 0:01/4:42 Wally - 0:01/4:44 Man 'O' War - 0:01/5:15 Sex in the Summer - 0:01/5:57 The Holy River - 0:01/6:55 . For You - 0:03/1:08 Teacher, Teacher (1985) - 0:03/3:08 If Eye Was the Man in Ur Life - 0:03/3:09 Teacher, Teacher (1982) - 0:03/3:36 What It Feels Like - 0:03/3:53 Violet the Organ Grinder - 0:03/5:00 Call My Name - 0:03/5:15 Cloreen Bacon Skin - 0:03/15:37 . Cybersingle - 0:04/2:43 Escape - 0:04/3:30 Damn U - 0:04/4:25 Another Lonely Christmas - 0:04/4:53 It - 0:04/5:09 Mad - 0:04/5:35 . Satisfied - 0:05/2:50 I Wanna Melt With U - 0:05/3:50 Like A Mack - 0:05/4:04 Anotherlove - 0:05/4:16 No Call U - 0:05/4:29 Let's Go Crazy - 0:05/4:40 White Mansion - 0:05/4:47 Glam Slam - 0:05/5:07 Sexy M.F. - 0:05/5:26 . Comeback - 0:06/1:59 Let's Have A Baby - 0:06/4:07 . Do U Lie? - 0:07/2:44 Witness 4 The Prosecution v1 - 0:07/4:00 We Gets Up - 0:07/4:18 Call the Law - 0:07/4:21 . Walk in Sand - 0:08/3:29 Strollin' - 0:08/3:47 Alphabet St. - 0:08/5:38 Big Tall Wall v2 - 0:08/5:46 The Cocoa Boys - 0:08/6:05 I Rock, Therefore I Am - 0:08/6:15 Holly Rock - 0:08/6:38 . Splash - 0:09/2:59 Way Back Home - 0:09/3:05 Kiss - 0:09/3:37 Dreamin' About U - 0:09/3:52 Good Love - 0:09/4:55 5 Women - 0:09/5:13 . Starfish and Coffee - 0:10/2:50 Pearls B4 The Swine - 0:10/3:01 What's My Name - 0:10/3:03 Walk Don't Walk - 0:10/3:07 4 the Tears in Your Eyes - 0:10/3:25 In A Large Room With No Light - 0:10/3:27 On the Couch - 0:10/3:33 Musicology - 0:10/4:24 Rockhard in a Funky Place - 0:10/4:34 Dead On It - 0:10/4:40 Slave - 0:10/4:51 200 Balloons - 0:10/5:06 . Objects in the Mirror - 0:11/3:27 Lemon Crush - 0:11/4:15 One Kiss at a Time - 0:11/4:41 Same Page, Different Book - 0:11/4:41 Hot Wit U - 0:11/5:09 La, La, La, He, He, Hee - 0:11/10:53 . Sarah - 0:12/2:52 Boom - 0:12/3:18 A Case of U - 0:12/3:39 Judas Smile - 0:12/6:33 Something Funky (This House Comes) - 0:12/7:04 . Marz - 0:13/1:48 Velvet Kitty Cat - 0:13/2:42 Da Bourgeoise - 0:13/3:23 One of Your Tears - 0:13/3:27 Silly Game - 0:13/3:30 Resolution - 0:13/3:37 Incense and Candles - 0:13/4:04 Lolita - 0:13/4:06 Moonbeam Levels - 0:13/4:22 I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man - 0:13/6:29 . Have a Heart - 0:14/2:04 Into the Light - 0:14/2:46 Gotta Stop (Messin' About) - 0:14/2:57 You're All I Want - 0:14/3:00 Thieves in the Temple - 0:14/3:20 I Will - 0:14/3:37 Hardrocklover - 0:14/3:42 Stare - 0:14/3:45 When You Were Mine - 0:14/3:46 All A Share Together - 0:14/3:47 There's Something I Like About Being Your Fool - 0:14/3:49 Everybody Loves Me - 0:14/4:08 Lion of Judah - 0:14/4:10 If It'll Make U Feel Happy - 0:14/4:12 The Most Beautiful Girl in the World - 0:14/4:25 Soul Sanctuary - 0:14/4:41 The Arms of Orion - 0:14/5:03 S&M Groove - 0:14/5:07 Planet Earth - 0:14/5:51 . Had U - 0:15/1:26 Tangerine - 0:15/1:33 Make-Up - 0:15/2:26 I Would Die 4 U - 0:15/2:59 The Other Side of the Pillow - 0:15/3:21 Old Friends 4 Sale - 0:15/3:28 Girl - 0:15/3:48 Why You Wanna Treat Me So Bad? - 0:15/3:49 When Will We B Paid - 0:15/4:07 Partyup - 0:15/4:22 Mellow - 0:15/4:24 Private Joy - 0:15/4:28 I Pledge Allegiance to Your Love - 0:15/4:41 Joy in Repetition - 0:15/4:53 The Dance (3121) - 0:15/5:20 I Wanna Be Your Lover - 0:15/5:50 Just as Long as We're Together - 0:15/6:25 Do Me, Baby - 0:15/7:44 . Dinner With Delores - 0:16/2:46 Soft and Wet - 0:16/3:05 Act of God - 0:16/3:13 Tell Me How U Wanna Be Done - 0:16/3:15 New World - 0:16/3:43 Free Urself - 0:16/3:47 Graffiti Bridge - 0:16/3:51 When 2 R in Love - 0:16/3:59 Rocknroll Loveaffair - 0:16/4:01 Breakdown - 0:16/4:04 The Dance - 0:16/4:45 Loveleft, Loveright - 0:16/5:00 Uptown - 0:16/5:29 Peace - 0:16/5:32 The Daisy Chain - 0:16/6:12 Sleep Around - 0:16/7:42 . Arrogance - 0:17/1:35 I Wish U in Heaven - 0:17/2:48 Life Can Be So Nice - 0:17/3:13 Dionne - 0:17/3:13 Wonderful Day - 0:17/3:47 Cinnamon Girl - 0:17/3:56 2 Whom It May Concern - 0:17/4:00 Sweet Baby - 0:17/4:01 Supercute - 0:17/4:13 Money Don't Grow on Trees - 0:17/4:19 Vavoom - 0:17/4:35 Nothing Compares 2 U - 0:17/4:39 High - 0:17/5:05 Girls & Boys - 0:17/5:29 Baby You're A Trip - 0:17/5:51 Wouldn't You Love to Love Me? - 0:17/5:56 Get Yo Groove On - 0:17/6:31 Positivity - 0:17/7:11 . The Morning After - 0:18/2:11 Tamborine - 0:18/2:44 Manic Monday - 0:18/2:51 Last Heart - 0:18/3:01 Jack U Off - 0:18/3:09 Fallinlove2nite - 0:18/3:12 Fury - 0:18/4:02 Don't Say U Love Me - 0:18/4:20 Now - 0:18/4:30 Don't Let Him Fool Ya - 0:18/4:34 Ripopgodazippa - 0:18/4:38 Jealous Girl v2 - 0:18/4:52 Jughead - 0:18/4:57 Little Red Corvette - 0:18/4:58 Witness 4 The Prosecution v2 - 0:18/5:02 Daddy Pop - 0:18/5:17 I Need A Man - 0:18/5:33 Trouble - 0:18/5:36 Eye Hate U - 0:18/5:53 Ain't Gonna Miss U When U're Gone - 0:18/6:01 Purple Rain - 0:18/8:40 Come - 0:18/11:13 . Lavaux - 0:19/3:03 Man in a Uniform - 0:19/3:07 I Feel for You - 0:19/3:24 Forever in My Life - 0:19/3:30 Katrina's Paper Dolls - 0:19/3:30 My Love is Forever - 0:19/4:11 Horny Pony v2 - 0:19/4:21 You're My Love - 0:19/4:23 Prettyman - 0:19/4:24 Goodbye - 0:19/4:34 Money Don't Matter 2 Night - 0:19/4:47 U're Gonna C Me - 0:19/5:16 Damned If Eye Do - 0:19/5:21 Adonis and Bathsheba - 0:19/5:27 We Can Funk - 0:19/5:28 Schoolyard - 0:19/7:11 She Spoke 2 Me - 0:19/8:20 . Gotta Broken Heart Again - 0:20/2:16 X's Face - 0:20/2:38 The Lubricated Lady - 0:20/2:39 Jungle Love - 0:20/3:03 Boyfriend - 0:20/3:08 It Be's Like That Sometimes - 0:20/3:19 Ain't About 2 Stop - 0:20/3:38 New Power Generation - 0:20/3:39 Crimson and Clover - 0:20/3:51 Boytrouble - 0:20/3:53 Compassion - 0:20/3:55 The Question of U - 0:20/3:59 Tip O' My Tongue - 0:20/4:08 Love and Sex - 0:20/4:11 Silicon - 0:20/4:15 What Do U Want Me 2 Do? - 0:20/4:15 Chaos and Disorder - 0:20/4:19 Life 'O' the Party - 0:20/4:29 Blue Light - 0:20/4:38 The Voice - 0:20/4:42 Anna Stesia - 0:20/4:57 Willing and Able - 0:20/5:00 Hide the Bone - 0:20/5:03 Beginning Endlessly - 0:20/5:27 When the Dawn of the Morning Comes - 0:20/6:16 Northside - 0:20/6:31 . Crazy You - 0:21/2:17 Shut This Down - 0:21/3:03 Reflection - 0:21/3:04 Baby - 0:21/3:10 Face Down - 0:21/3:17 Sexual Suicide - 0:21/3:39 Strange Relationship - 0:21/4:01 Silver Tongue - 0:21/4:22 Trust - 0:21/4:24 The Work, Pt. 1 - 0:21/4:28 3121 - 0:21/4:31 My Computer - 0:21/4:37 Sticky Like Glue - 0:21/4:46 Crucial - 0:21/5:06 My Tender Heart - 0:21/5:06 When We're Dancing Close and Slow - 0:21/5:19 Dear Michaelangelo - 0:21/5:22 Acknowledge Me - 0:21/5:27 Beautiful, Loved and Blessed - 0:21/5:43 Love 2 the 9's - 0:21/5:44 Bold Generation - 0:21/5:53 Get On the Boat - 0:21/6:11 Last December - 0:21/7:57 . New Position - 0:22/2:20 Interactive - 0:22/3:03 The Truth - 0:22/3:33 Do It All Night - 0:22/3:41 Elephants and Flowers - 0:22/3:54 Love... Thy Will Be Done - 0:22/4:07 2morrow - 0:22/4:13 Gett Off - 0:22/4:32 Props'N'Pounds - 0:22/4:35 1010 (Rin Tin Tin) - 0:22/4:42 Standing at the Altar - 0:22/4:49 The Sun, The Moon and Stars - 0:22/5:16 (There'll Never B) Another Like Me - 0:22/6:02 . She Loves Me 4 Me - 0:23/2:49 Sex Shooter - 0:23/3:06 Look At Me, Look At U - 0:23/3:27 Pope - 0:23/3:29 Raspberry Berret - 0:23/3:33 Love Like Jazz - 0:23/3:49 Breakfast Can Wait - 0:23/3:55 La, La, La Means I Love You - 0:23/3:59 The Future - 0:23/4:07 Horny Pony - 0:23/4:19 Annie Christian - 0:23/4:21 Train - 0:23/4:22 It's About That Walk - 0:23/4:25 Mr. Goodnight - 0:23/4:26 The One U Wanna C - 0:23/4:29 Hold Me - 0:23/4:36 Eggplant - 0:23/5:18 In This Bed Eye Scream - 0:23/5:40 All the Critics Love U in New York - 0:23/5:56 Rearrange - 0:23/6:11 Pink Cashmere - 0:23/6:15 . I Wonder U - 0:24/1:39 Everybody Want What They Don't Got - 0:24/2:08 Christopher Tracy's Parade - 0:24/2:11 Courtin' Time - 0:24/2:46 Papa - 0:24/2:48 Curious Child - 0:24/2:57 With You - 0:24/4:00 Something in the Water (Does Not Compute) - 0:24/4:01 Glasscutter - 0:24/4:40 Head - 0:24/4:42 Dance On - 0:24/3:44 How Come U Don't Call Me Anymore - 0:24/3:53 Running Game (Son of a Slave Master) - 0:24/4:05 Wall of Berlin - 0:24/4:16 Undisputed - 0:24/4:20 Muse 2 the Pharaoh - 0:24/4:21 Shy - 0:24/5:03 It's Gonna Be Lonely - 0:24/5:30 Billy Jack Bitch - 0:24/5:31 Cosmic Day - 0:24/5:39 Sexmesexmenot - 0:24/5:40 18 & Over - 0:24/5:40 Superfunkycalifragisexy - 0:24/5:58 Cindy C - 0:24/6:18 Gold - 0:24/7:22 . Horny Toad - 0:25/2:13 319 - 0:25/3:05 And God Created Woman - 0:25/3:18 She's Always in My Hair - 0:25/3:27 Check the Record - 0:25/3:28 Tick, Tick, Bang - 0:25/3:31 Promise To Be True - 0:25/3:38 I Love U in Me - 0:25/4:13 Darling Nikki - 0:25/4:14 Wow - 0:25/4:28 The Song of the Heart - 0:25/4:36 Strays of the World - 0:25/5:06 U Make My Sun Shine - 0:25/7:05 Automatic - 0:25/9:24 . Loose! - 0:26/3:26 2 Y. 2 D. - 0:26/3:49 U Know - 0:26/3:56 Skip to My You My Darling - 0:26/3:57 A Million Days - 0:26/3:50 Movie Star - 0:26/4:25 Power Fantastic - 0:26/4:45 Electric Intercourse - 0:26/4:57 The Ladder - 0:26/5:28 Blanche - 0:26/5:36 Hot Thing - 0:26/5:40 Push - 0:26/5:53 Everyday is a Winding Road - 0:26/6:11 United States of Division - 0:26/6:18 Ol' Skool Company - 0:26/7:30 Shockadelica - 0:26/3:31 . New Power Generation pt. II - 0:27/2:57 Madrid 2 Chicago - 0:27/3:14 Stopthistrain - 0:27/3:41 Whitecaps - 0:27/3:43 Peach - 0:27/3:48 Vicki Waiting - 0:27/4:52 Cause and Effect - 0:27/5:00 The Beautiful Ones - 0:27/5:13 Our Destiny/Roadhouse Garden - 0:27/6:25 2045: Radical Man - 0:27/6:34 Internarional Lover - 0:27/6:36 Time - 0:27/6:49 Joint 2 Joint - 0:27/7:52 Days of Wild - 0:27/9:18 . Betcha By Golly Wow! - 0:28/3:31 Te Amo Corazón - 0:28/3:35 Eye Love U, But Eye Don't Trust U Anymore - 0:28/3:36 Mountains - 0:28/3:57 Still Waiting - 0:28/4:28 Calhoun Square - 0:28/4:46 Da, Da, Da - 0:28/5:15 Stand Up and B Strong - 0:28/5:18 F.U.N.K. - 0:28/7:36 The Everlasting Now - 0:28/8:18 . Yes - 0:29/2:56 Martika's Kitchen - 0:29/4:21 Magnificent - 0:29/4:36 One Day We Will All B Free - 0:29/4:41 Guitar - 0:29/3:45 U Got the Look - 0:29/3:47 Erotic City - 0:29/3:55 Can't Stop This Feeling I Got - 0:29/4:24 Paisley Park - 0:29/4:41 Future Baby Mama - 0:29/4:47 This Could Be Us - 0:29/5:12 Walkin' In Glory - 0:29/5:14 Turn It Up - 0:29/5:23 The Greatest Romance Ever Sold - 0:29/5:33 The Sacrifice of Victor - 0:29/5:40 . Partyman - 0:30/3:11 Here On Earth - 0:30/3:23 Tictactoe - 0:30/3:38 Melody Cool - 0:30/3:39 The Ballad of Dorothy Parker - 0:30/3:55 Lauriann - 0:30/4:15 Sign 'O' The Times - 0:30/5:02 Dreamer - 0:30/5:30 Can I Play With U? - 0:30/6:39 Style - 0:30/6:40 . Ronnie, Talk to Russia - 0:31/1:57 Fixurlifeup - 0:31/3:12 Welcome 2 the Dawn - 0:31/3:17 Take Me With U - 0:31/3:54 Electric Chair - 0:31/4:08 No More Candy 4 U - 0:31/4:12 Emancipation - 0:31/4:13 Rock 'N' Roll is Alive! (And It Lives in Minneapolis) - 0:31/4:34 Right the Wrong - 0:31/4:39 Saviour - 0:31/5:48 Hey U - 0:31/6:10 I Can't Make U Love Me - 0:31/6:37 Controversy - 0:31/7:13 . Baby Knows - 0:32/3:18 So Far, So Pleased - 0:32/3:24 Hot Summer - 0:32/3:32 Pop Life - 0:32/3:43 Delirious - 0:32/3:59 The Word - 0:32/4:11 Cream - 0:32/4:13 1000 X's and O's - 0:32/4:27 Poom Poom - 0:32/4:32 Gigolos Get Lonely Too - 0:32/4:41 The Cross - 0:32/4:45 Free - 0:32/5:08 Shhh - 0:32/7:17 . Laydown - 0:33/3:06 In Love - 0:33/3:37 Emale - 0:33/3:38 This Could B Us - 0:33/4:10 Love and Sex - 0:33/5:00 Play in the Sunshine - 0:33/5:05 Still Would Stand All Time - 0:33/5:23 The Continental - 0:33/5:31 Bob George - 0:33/5:39 When Doves Cry - 0:33/5:53 Gangster Glam - 0:33/6:05 Le Grind - 0:33/6:47 Lady Cab Driver - 0:33/8:16 . Wherever U Go, Whatever U Do - 0:34/3:17 Dig U Better Dead - 0:34/3:59 Sexy Dancer - 0:34/4:18 Alice Through the Looking Glass - 0:34/4:18 Get Blue - 0:34/4:43 Dark - 0:34/6:10 Adore - 0:34/6:31 Feel U Up - 0:34/6:42 Purple Music - 0:34/10:58 . Black Sweat - 0:35/3:11 Underneath the Cream - 0:35/3:59 Y Should Eye Do That When Eye Can Do This - 0:35/4:31 Clouds - 0:35/4:34 Streetwalker - 0:35/4:48 Letitgo - 0:35/5:32 Chelsea Rodgers - 0:35/5:41 Love - 0:35/5:45 . Around the World in a Day - 0:36/3:28 Vagina - 0:36/3:28 Sea of Everything - 0:36/3:49 Diamonds and Pearls - 0:36/4:45 Here - 0:36/5:15 Hypnoparadise - 0:36/6:03 We Can Fuck - 0:36/10:17 . Yah, You Know - 0:37/3:10 Anotherloverholenyohead - 0:37/4:00 Scarlet Pussy - 0:37/4:19 Colonized Mind - 0:37/4:48 Future Soul Song - 0:37/5:08 Welcome 2 America - 0:37/5:23 Jam of the Year - 0:37/6:10 . Baltimore - 0:38/4:33 Somebody's Somebody - 0:38/4:43 3rd Eye - 0:38/4:53 I'm Yours - 0:38/5:02 Groovy Potential - 0:38/6:16 Black Muse - 0:38/7:21 . When She Comes - 0:39/3:45 Animal Kingdom - 0:39/4:01 Sexuality - 0:39/4:19 So Blue - 0:39/4:30 The Human Body - 0:39/5:42 The Last Dance (Bang Pow Zoom And The Whole Nine) - 0:39/5:36 Do Yourself A Favor - 0:39/9:00 . Under the Cherry Moon - 0:40/2:56 Dirty Mind - 0:40/4:13 Irresistible Bitch - 0:40/4:13 Dear Mr. Man - 0:40/4:14 Bambi - 0:40/4:23 Emotional Pump - 0:40/4:59 Lovesexy - 0:40/5:49 Scandalous - 0:40/6:15 . Zannalee - 0:41/2:43 A Place in Heaven - 0:41/2:57 Endorphinmachine - 0:41/4:06 Funknroll (Art Official Age) - 0:41/4:08 Funknroll - 0:41/4:10 Rebirth of the Flesh - 0:41/5:28 The Dance Electric - 0:41/11:29 . Avalanche - 0:42/4:24 Race - 0:42/4:28 Xtralovable - 0:42/5:00 If I Was Your Girlfriend - 0:42/5:01 Somewhere Here on Earth - 0:42/5:45 Wonderful Ass - 0:42/6:24 . Computer Blue - 0:43/3:59 17 Days - 0:43/4:00 The Max - 0:43/4:30 Right Back Here In My Arms - 0:43/4:43 Better with Time - 0:43/4:53 1000 Light Years From Here - 0:43/5:46 . One Nite Alone... - 0:44/3:37 Open Book - 0:44/4:59 Live 4 Love - 0:44/6:59 . Million $ Show - 0:45/3:10 June - 0:45/3:21 The Glamorous Life - 0:45/4:11 When She Comes - 0:45/4:46 Beautiful Strange - 0:45/4:56 Born 2 Die - 0:45/5:03 P. Control - 0:45/5:59 Possessed (1984) - 0:45/7:56 . Golden Parachute - 0:46/5:35 Possessed (1982) - 0:46/8:47 . She Gave Her Angels - 0:47/3:52 Rave Un2 the Joy Fantastic - 0:47/4:19 Baby I'm A Star - 0:47/4:24 . Let's Work - 0:48/3:55 The Ball - 0:48/4:34 Friend, Lover, Sister, MotheWife - 0:48/7:37 . Spirit - 0:49/4:32 My Medallion - 0:49/5:07 . America - 0:50/3:45 Space - 0:50/4:28 The Gold Standard - 0:50/5:53 1999 - 0:50/6:15 . Young and Beautiful - 0:51/2:44 God - 0:51/4:02 Let's Pretend We're Married - 0:51/7:18 Temptation - 0:51/8:20 . 100 MPH - 0:52/3:30 The Ride - 0:52/5:13 . One of Us - 0:53/5:19 . Love or $ - 0:54/6:55 . All My Dreams - 0:55/7:24 . Digital Garden - 0:56/4:07 It's Gonna Be a Beautiful Night - 0:56/9:01 . D.M.S.R. - 0:57/8:17 . Pain - 0:58/5:57 . Art Official Cage - 1:00/3:41 We March - 1:00/4:49 Insatiable - 1:01/6:39 . Revelation - 1:03/5:21 . Fascination - 1:04/4:55 Big City - 1:04/6:25 . Pheromone - 1:11/5:08 My Name is Prince - 1:11/6:38 . 1+1+1 is 3 - 1:16/5:17 . Eye No - 1:22/5:46 . Rainbow Children - 1:27/10:03 . Sometimes It Snows in April - 1:33/6:48 . Crystal Ball - 1:34/10:27 . Hello - 1:59/6:19 . When the Lights Go Down - 2:33/7:11 . Condition of the Heart - 2:45/6:47 . Family Name - 3:01/8:16

Throwaway. Also, I’m going to be vague on the familial connection just incase and for safety. Names changed. I want to point out warning signs I noticed and see what your take is before reading the story.
To preface. He got sober for several years, allegedly. However, for about one year he was relapsing and hiding it. Living a lie. Nothing about who he presented was real. He went back to treatment over a year ago now, and this story is obviously after that.
Odd behaviors: - when he was in sober living, he was calm, not fidgety and just…off. As he is now. - about 3 or so months after leaving sober living and returning home he started doing what sounds like hawking spit, but I don’t think he actually spits? Never did that before. - I sometimes hear what sounds like snorting, but no erratic behavior really after that, so I’m not sure what it is if he’s snorting at all. Never did that before. - his eyes look off. Like lowered. - he works evenings but will then be up all hours of the night. Doesn’t sleep much for life circumstances but before he’d sleep a l o t. - when he thought everyone was asleep he’d always go out to his car and dig around but never come back with anything in hand. - he never seems steady on his feet - he’s got a shit ton of pills, no opiates, another medication used for pain management he takes a lot I don’t want to specify to make it obvious
On to the rant: I live with family. Let’s call them Paul, Jackie, and Carly. Paul is the one in question. I feel as though he is a huge manipulator and I worry that if I bring something up it will impact my living situation as I can’t afford to be on my own yet. I have not trusted him for a long time. Something was always off, then I learned of the relapse and summed it up to that. But it’s more than that. He has no sense of self. But that’s a story for another day. I just don’t know what to do, if anything, as last time I was the one who figured out the release and I don’t want him, now that he knows what I observed last time, to turn people against me and cause problems. It wasn’t pretty when he was exposed, and the life circumstances surrounding him has changed since a year ago. But I’m tired of noticing all this weird shit and not saying anything and just waiting for him to show his ass again. It’s exhausting as I have a lot of resentment. I feel uncomfortable with him here and it angers me deeply that he’s a liar. I just don’t have anyone to talk to about this for obvious reasons. What do you think?

For some clarification the photos have thankfully been taken down because I am a minor and was even younger when the photos were taken. Also this happened a bit ago and I’m not really talking to the people involved anymore. Also this is really long so bear with me 💀 and TW for sa, abuse, sh, and plenty of other stuff. Please don’t read if you’re already in a bad headspace. Take care of yourself fist <3
For some background context i didn’t have a great childhood and at 13 got involved with some not so great people. They were all quite a bit older then me and would frequently abuse me both sexually, mentally, and physically in the form of having me take a lot of different substances usually all at once. It’s not something I talk about unless directly asked about it so most people don’t know about it or all the details.
In 8th grade I met a girl who I’ll call P. P and I had met before but lost contact during lockdown. She was really nice to me and we quickly became friends. She would “fake” flirt with me a lot which I thought was normal for friends. It was nice being around someone who wasn’t constantly trying to sleep with me so I got pretty attached to her. On the last day of school she asked me to kiss her and I did. Apparently just one kiss meant we were dating. I didn’t realize that we were in a relationship until like two weeks later because she had never actually talked to me about it. I only realized it when she asked if my mom knew we were dating yet. I didn’t want to upset them and risk losing my only friend so I just kinda went with it. I was able to get away from the older teens who had been abusing me and I let P know that some not great stuff had happened to me but they never knew the specifics.
Our relationship continued another two years and I never really was able to make any more actual friends. I felt bad if I left P alone because they also didn’t have anyone. Over time whenever we were together they were usually on their phone role playing with people on discord and wouldn’t really even acknowledge I was there. There discord chats were usually sexual in nature but I knew about it and had technically said I was fine with it. Also we had discussed that our relationship was basically open including online. I had opportunities to sleep with someone during our relationship but never did because it just didn’t feel right. P and I had never been fully with each other physically but had done some stuff. They said they were asexual and because I knew what it felt like to be guilt tripped into being intimate I would never even so much as ask to be intimate.
Then at the end of our softmore year we both became friends with a girl who I’ll call R. R seemed nice at first and I enjoyed having someone who would actually respond to my text because P usually wouldn’t. Soon R and I became pretty close but I never saw her as anything more than a friend. She would frequently wake me up at night to vent and I had to talk her down from self deleting more than once. It made me really exhausted and ruined my mental and partially my physical health to. But she would often talk about how all of her friends in the past would leave her and i genuinely did care about her and didn’t want her to be alone so i kept pushing myself for her. Not too long before the start of our junior year R texted me on discord that she had made me something. I asked what it was and she started acting kinda odd but eventually sent me a picture of it.
It was a piece of paper that had lots of hearts and stuff on it like “A+R forever”. That’s our initials. It was all very messily painted on in red. I was obviously taking a bit back by it and looking at the photo made my stomach hurt for some reason. There were scissors in the photo but no cuts in the paper so I asked about it. Eventually she admitted that she had used the scissors to get blood from herself to write with. That was the red “paint” she had used on the paper. I didn’t know what to do and called P because y’know they were my gf and the hearts and stuff had obvious implications. I was also hoping for some comfort since I would often comfort them when something happened in their life. All I got was “well that sucks but you can date her too if you want”. I didn’t want to date R but was genuinely scared of what they would do if I outright rejected her. So I told her that i wasn’t mad but I was concerned and asked her to talk in person.
She came over and i tried to convince her to get mental help from a professional. She insisted that it was fine and that it wouldn’t help her anyway. She started to get kinda touchy and I was still worried about how she would react if I said no to her advances. We contacted P again because I did tell R that i wouldn’t breakup with P to be with her. Also I was hoping that P would tell her no or something. I’ll admit I was an absolute coward during this. I didn’t know how to advocate for myself and let things go further than I was actually comfortable with. P just said something along the lines of “have fun” and without any actual reason other than that I just didn’t want to I let her do what she wanted. She stayed the night and kept me up for most of it. I my best to act like I was into it just like I had done before with the older teens who would guilt me into it. She kept wanting to go another round because I hadn’t finished. Im not biologically male so I was able fake one and she believed it.
After that I was now in a polygamist relationship with P and R. R did a lot of stuff ranging from “jokingly” threatening mine and loved one’s life’s to screaming at me because i wouldn’t let her put cameras in my room. She was very possessive and would often accuse me of cheating on her and P. There was once that someone had tried to convince me to sleep with her but I said no and immediately told R and P about it. When school started she would often start something between or would act weird with other classmates. She would have me let her examine my skin and scalp for anything she could pick at or pop. It made me uncomfortable but I still didn’t say anything. I definitely should have communicated better but was scared that anything would set her off. The entire time this was happening P knew and was often present but didn’t say anything. Soon R and P decided to date too. I mentioned to P a few times that some of the stuff R did made me uncomfortable but they didn’t seem to care and would just change the subject.
Towards the end of the first trimester R and I got into an argument over text because she kept “jokingly” saying that she wanted to kill my mom because my mom said she couldn’t come over. I’m so grateful for my mom for not letting R come over unsupervised. I don’t know what she would have done if she had been allowed over and left completely alone with me. For the first time i actually stood up for myself and told R that I was really tired because it was pretty late at the time and that I would talk to her at school in the morning. After that i turned off my phone and went to sleep.
The next morning i wake up and see that i have a TON of notifications from R. I check and she’s ranting about finding stuff on Reddit. She called me a whore and said that I was trying to hookup with ped0s. I check my Reddit account which I hadn’t even been on in a while and there were post with nude pictures of me that I don’t even remember posting. I took them down of course. They were indeed pictures of me but I didn’t have them anywhere on my phone nor do I remember posting them. I was really confused and hurt by what she had said to me so I tried to text her and ask wtf was going on but she had blocked me. I went to school hoping to talk and figure out wtf was happening.
I saw P and told her what happened and she texted R. R told her that she was taking a mental health day because of what I had done. P was as usual pretty indifferent despite how upset I was. R later told P that I had been messaging adult men and trying to meet with them. I told P my side and they said that I probably didn’t remember making the post because I was high or something. I still cared about R and managed to convince myself that maybe somehow I did make the post and just forgot. The next day R did come back to school and had cut there hair down to there shoulders. Their hair was always really long and they had always said that they would be devastated if it ever got cut. I was pretty upset and on the verge of breaking down all day because i thought that R cut it because of me.
I made it through first period but when I was just about to head into my second period R walked by. It was odd because my class wasn’t on the way to R’s second period. I broke down and left a bit into second period. I texted P say that I was going home because I was literally hyperventilating and sobbing in class. In the message I mentioned that the stuff R was saying to me made me feel Ike i wasn’t deserving to even be with them. They took this as me breaking up with her over text even though it wasn’t my intent but I guess could have maybe been interpreted that way? My mom picked me up and I told her that I’d tell her what was happening once I was actually able to breathe properly.
She let me go upstairs and cry for a while before I eventually told her everything that had happened. She said that IF I had posted the pictures that it was not ok but that how R and P were treating me was definitely not justified. She told me to block them and to call my therapist. She said that i didn’t have to go to school for a bit. I hadn’t told her everything R had done but just the stuff that had happened in the last few days.
When I did get back to school P and I talked they said that we were over but that they were still gonna be with R. I was confused and didn’t understand but they continued to be very hostile towards me. I still cared a lot about them and just felt really betrayed that after everything they just kinda kicked me to the curb. P said that they were willing to still be friends. I asked if they still wanted me to sit next to them in the classes we had together and she said that she didn’t care. I sat next to them but they glared at me the whole time and just general acted pissed off so I moved to a different table towards the back of the room and just kinda cried. The teacher checked up on me but I said I was fine. I said I just didn’t want to talk about it and he accepted that but still checked in on me. After that we just did talk like at all.
Someone who I had sat next to during lit n comp notice that i looked like well… a mess. He and i weren’t close or anything but we kinda knew each others. I said that P and I broke up and they immediately pulled me out of the class with them and into a room our school had called the ssc. It was kinda for neurodivergent kids and just generally for decompressing if students got overwhelmed with something. We talked in there and in my distress I just kinda let it all spill. They seemed really pissed but not at me. He was pissed at R and P. He held me and comforted me through the rest of the day. I’ll call him E
E was coincidentally good friends with some people I was sorta friends with in middle school. They basically adopted me into there group and came together to comfort me as well as keep an eye on my throughout the school day in case R and P tried to say anything to me. They didn’t trust them and after showing them all the threats and messages R had sent me most of them told me to report it to the school and potentially get a restraining order. They mentioned that a lot of the stuff R AND P were doing to me was textbook abuse.
P would often bite me and when I asked them to stop she would just say that it was their way of “showing affection”. Most of the time there biting would be really painful and I would practically beg them to stop because it hurting me. There were usually at least bruises from it. R had also had me cut myself because it “turned them on”. They would both “jokingly jab me specifically in my ribs even though I said that it hurt and that i didn’t find it funny just painful.
One day after 5th period R roughly grabbed my arm and dragged me outside. P just stood and watched. R told me that they cut themselves because of me and that i need to get another therapist. She said that I needed to fix myself. She yelled at me a lot and because of stuff from my childhood i started to cry just from her raising her voice. I didn’t know what to say to I apologized and said that I’ll do better. After she stoped yelling P asked if i wanted a hug. I was honestly disgusted at the thought of them touching me and that fact that they said and did nothing that whole time. I said no and admittedly said it in a very harsh tone. I went inside and one of my friends (B) immediately rushed up to me and asked if I was ok. He had seen R grab me but couldn’t find where she had pulled me to. I said I was fine physically and he had me go with him and tell our other friends what happened. They were all pretty pissed and again told me to report it.
At the time i didn’t want P or R to get in any trouble so i didn’t say or do anything. I just wanted to be drama free for a bit and forget about everything. I fell behind in my school work but managed to just barely pass. Eventually after lots of convincing from my mom, friends, and therapist I did compile a list as well as screen shots of messages as proof and reported it to the school. I asked them to not anything to P and R if they could because I still cared about them and didn’t want to cause more trouble. Me and the principal agreed that it would all be put on record but that nothing would come of anything unless something were to happen in the future. I was urged to get at least a restraining order since R had threatened mine and many other people lives including my pets over text. I do not have a restraining order
Even though everyone tells me that i wasn’t in the wrong I still worry that maybe somehow I might be. Maybe everyone was just biased because they knew me first. I do feel gross and used in a way but I don’t know… I don’t want to believe that these people who I loved and cared for so much are actually as cruel as it seems. I’m kinda hoping that I was the one in the wrong. They’re not very nice to anyone including each other but they can’t actually be bad people right? It wasn’t a lot but there were at least a few good memories. It’s my fault for not communicating enough or something right? Please tell me that ITAH. They’re still good people somehow.

Hey all!!
So my 2 year old son is highly sensitive to ketchup, BBQ, and chic-fil-a sauce as well as other tomato based sauces. If any of these sauces even touch his face he breaks out in a rash where it touches. He’s also extremely sensitive to apple juice, or anything containing apple juice. It causes him to get a nasty rash on his bum and gives him the runs.
That being said, I feel so guilty when his siblings can enjoy dipping their nuggets and fry’s in sauce and drinking their juice, but he’s stuck drinking water with flavoring or milk and eating his meal without any “dip dip”.
Does ANYBODY else have this problem with their littles?? Have you found any products that seem to help? Any sauces or drinks that have done well with your kiddos?? I’m open to ANY suggestions.
The Doctors haven’t done much aside from telling us to cut them out of his diet. I want to find something that he can enjoy too, especially as he’s getting older and more aware of what the other kiddos are doing. I don’t want him to feel left out.
Thank you! 🙏🏼

Finally getting around to cleaning out the clutter. Have up for grabs four fun folders... https://imgur.com/a/vIcYddp
First, I have my old Spyderco Yojimbo 2 in Satin S30V. Original owner, rarely carried and even less rarely cut with. It's just been sitting in my Pelican/Nalpak case for who knows how long at this point. This knife is in fantastic condition aside from one tiny scuff on the show side scale and a couple micro scratches on the edge bevels. Great action, absolutely drop shut. See attached photos. Comes with original box. SV: $165.00 https://imgur.com/a/V4VAfjo
Second is a Hogue automatic EX-A05. I purchased this from the swap last summer and it's been just chilling in my safe since. I'm at least the second owner. The knife fires ridiculously hard and the safety works perfectly. The lock does exhibit some stick, but I've never had it cause an issue to redeploy the blade. There are multiple small dings/scratches in the handles that I've tried to capture best in the photos. Blade is sharp aside from one tiny cheap near the tip that I just discovered. Comes with box and lefty clip. SV: $145.00 https://imgur.com/a/ad0BayC
Thirdly I have my beloved, although never used, Benchmade Crooked River. I purchased this knife years ago and this was honestly the catalyst that caused me to embrace my knaf passion (addiction, call it what you will.) This knife has been fondled plenty, but I can't recall ever carrying or actually cutting anything with it lol. This behemoth blade in S30V is perfectly drop shutty and in pristine condition. Centering slightly favors the show side. Upon inspection to post here, I did notice some small surface corrosion near the back spacer. I've captured it the best I could in the photos. The bolsters, blade, dymondwood and other accents appear to be flawless. Comes with original box and slip pouch. SV: 235 https://imgur.com/a/doZ4aul
Finally, I have a ZT 0393 GLCF, serial number 0141. This Hinderer designed beast in 20CV has also been in my collection for years, but it's been relegated to the back of the safe. I am the original owner and I think I took this out of my house a total of 2 times, can't recall ever using it. Blade is factory and razor sharp. Scales still glow in the dark and appear to be flawless. The detent does feel to be on the stronger side with this knife, but smooth all the same. Closing it takes some effort with my thumb, but once the detent disengages, it's glassy and fall shutty. Comes with original box. SV: $255.00 https://imgur.com/a/PQYeUSJ
Please know your local knife laws, especially when considering the autos.
First YOLO gets it.
PP G&S only. No notes. If purchased before the start of Game 2 NBA Finals (Sunday 7PM CST) they will ship out Monday...Tuesday at the latest if not.
I can gladly send additional photos or answer any firth questions. Just ask!
Cheers, my people.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Popular-Valuable-243. She posted in AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. The latest update is 7 days old due to the rules of this sub

Trigger Warnings: sudden parental death; controlling behavior
Mood Spoiler: just tough all around
Original Post: April 6, 2024
Throwaway Account
I (21f) Have an older sister "Eve" (29f) who had her first child, "Lori" (1f) and while this should be a time of joy an excitement there's actually a lot of tension and brewing resentment between her, our mom, and her husband "Jack" (29m). Despite it being unplanned Eve's pregnancy was wanted and Jack was an involved partner. He went to most of Eve's appointments, took the birthing classes, and supported Eve's decision to just have our mom in the room while he wanted outside when she gave birth.
The plan was for our mom to be by Eve's side in the room and to help stay for a week after Lori was born. Everyone was cool with this but unfortunately our aunt got into some drama with her husband in another state and our mom rushed over to be at her sister's side. Eve was already in her 3rd trimester so Jack didn't like the idea of our mom going and voiced it. Our mom tore Jack a new one and Eve even got on his case about it so he apologized. However, Eve ended up going into labor and Jack ultimately was the one in the room while our mom was away.
When she called, our mom expressed being sad over not being there for the birth of her first grandchild and she and Eve decided that no one else in the family would see Lori until she got back. Without discussing it with Jack. He was understandably not happy as his mom lived about 45 minutes away and was looking forward to meeting Lori too as she was the first grandchild on both sides. Eve pulled the "I just gave birth" card and Jack reluctantly allowed it. On the day that our mom was supposed to come back she missed her flight and couldn't get a new one until the following morning. Our mom could've just rented a car but she didn't want to spend the money since the airline wouldn't refund the money.
Jack was brought up allowing his mom to come again, but Eve refused citing that he already agreed. Unfortunately, Jack's mom was in a car accident and passed before ever getting to meet Lori since Eve wouldn't even allow a video chat. Jack was distraught, he moved to the guest bedroom, went to the funeral alone and refuses to engage with Eve at all.
Jack's side of the family keeps calling and messaging Eve to tell her what a selfish and awful person she is and Jack refuses to defend. Eventually, Eve got sick of it and packed up and left to our mom's house to "teach Jack a lesson" but he hasn't texted or called. Our mom thinks that he just needs some space and that he'll call soon but I just laughed at that. Didn't mean to though.
My mom and Eve asked me why I laughed and I tried to brush it off or even leave but they couldn't let me and pressed for answer. Eventually, I told her that while the accident wasn't her fault she did keep Lori away from Jack's mom meeting her for a week and now she never will. There's no way Jack is going to ever love you enough to forgive that and that you should prepare for the worst. Eve started to bawl her eyes out while mom berated me so I left. AITA?
Edit: Just to clarify because I keep seeing this when the accident first happened Eve has apologized three separate times (Jack has admitted to this) and Eve intended to go to the funeral with him but he drove off without her. Jack does interact with Lori it's Eve that he's icing out and my niece is the only thing he's willing to talk to Eve about. Jack had been living in the guest room for 5 months before Eve left. She's offered to go to couple's counseling but Jack has refused.
Relevant Comments:
What was up with your aunt?

OOP: To be fair it wasn't a small thing. My aunt's husband was revealed to be cheating and used her personal information to take out credit cards in her name to pay for his side piece. Plus the potential danger of her own health.

Commenter (downvoted): YTA
You are COMPLETELY right. But you were an AH to mention it. WHY rub it in, and cause drama. YOU should have kept silent, staying out of it would have been the reasonable option.
They needed someone to blame - why offer yourself up for that?

OOP: I tried to brush it off and walk away but they physically stood in front of my way and demanded an answer.

Commenter: If she's still bad mouthing him, she obviously didn't mean it [the apology] with an understanding of what exactly she did wrong. Hope Jake is well supported by his family and can see his daughter soon.

OOP: Eve hasn't bad mouthed him (at least to me) since his mom's accident. But she is frustrated that he's no longer affectionate and doesn't engage with her like before.

Commenter (downvoted): YTA. Sorry, but are you married? A parent? In love? In a relationship? No, then maybe put a cork in it.
Why would you say something like that? It was incredibly vindictive and nasty. She is a new mother going through ish, and you could have been compassionate. Even civil. You laughing at someone's misfortunes, much less your sister, says a lot about your character.
Her husband may never forgive her, but that's not on her. To be honest, it would be hard to forgive you for kicking her when she was down, so there's that.

OOP: Married? No. A parent? No. In love? Yes. In a relationship? Also, yes.
And please read the post again. Lori is now a year old and Jack's mom died when she was less than three weeks old. This has been an ongoing issue with months and I TRIED to not say anything and even walk away in order to be civil but my mom and sister kept pressing me for an answer.

Commenter (part of a longer comment): why didn't Jack just let his mother come anyway? I'm amazed he put up with that bullshit, he sounds like a treasure of a husband and Eve really screwed herself by treating him and his family like that.

OOP: Because it was just supposed to be one week. No one saw this accident coming and Jack didn't want to stress out my sister (who had just even birth). He was trying to respect her wishes and got screwed over because of it.

Commenter: The fact that your sister wouldn’t even allow a FaceTime? That’s some RIDICULOUS PETTY BULLSHIT. She deserves to be a struggling single mom for that choice alone. I wouldn’t blame jack for being the type of coparent who will only coparent thru a phone app. JFC

OOP: Yeah I think her being pregnant made her lose touch with reality and logic a little bit. She's usually understanding and reasonable.

Eve's apologies/Mom's apologies:

OOP: From what she told me it was a "I'm sorry I did x" the first time and then "I'm sorry but I didn't know that y would happen" and then "I'm sorry but we can..."
OOP: My mom did reach out to give her condolences for Jack's mom's passing but I don't know if she apologized for insisting on being the first grandparent to see the baby. Also I know that Eve apologized at least three separate times but it could've been more. I honestly don't know.

OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: June 2, 2024 (almost 2 months later)
Hey!
It's been a couple of weeks and due to people still occasionally asking I thought I'd give a people some quick updates to the situation. Here are the basic bullet points:

• My sister has now been officially diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and that is the trump card/Hail Mary of the situation.
• My sister and her husband are living together again and in couple's therapy.
• My sister is in individual counseling.
• My niece has now been officially introduced to a few members of her paternal size and they all love her.
• Jack's family have ceased their negative comments about my sister but she says that they're still pretty formal and distant towards her. I honestly don't know if she'll ever be in their good graces again and will only put up with her for my BIL and niece's sake.
• My niece's name first and middle is going to be legally changed to whatever Jack wants.
• For the next five years BIL's side of the family is getting priority when it comes to any and all holidays.
• My mom will be on a strict info diet when it comes to the baby. No pictures unless Jack approves.

This is all I know for right now and my mom is NOT happy with any of this and is calling Jack a controlling AH but my sister is holding firm in an effort to save her marriage. She claims that BIL and her are making progress in counseling and I hope for her sake that it's true. It's gonna suck not being able to see my niece as much as I wanted for the next possible few years but compared to never being able to see her at all (like Jack's mom) it is what it is. I know a lot of you may not be happy with this update but it is what it is for now.
Relevant Comments:
OOP's thoughts:

I won't deny that Jack is taking full advantage of Eve's willingness to do whatever it takes to save the marriage, but Jack has never come off as a controlling person in the past (I mean he didn't put up any opposition to Eve's requests/demands since finding out she was pregnant) but Eve has a support system if she feels like it's getting to be too much.
I'm not going to get involved until I suspect violence.
(to a different commenter): I won't deny that Jack is taking advantage of the situation. He's hurt and angry and very resentful. He laid out his terms and Eve is agreeing to them. Plus they're in counseling. It's not ideal but it is what it is.

Commenter: It doesn't read to me that OP is being restricted. OP is free to visit their niece. Jack's family just gets priority for holidays and it seems like OP's family assumed that they would get majority of them (hence "won't see kid as often as I'd like to").

OOP: Yes. It's just the holidays for our side of the family. Right now I could drive up to see my niece so long as a call first.

Commenter: What is the issue with the baby’s name? Was Jack railroaded over that as well?

OOP: From my understanding Eve got pick the first name and Jack got to pick the middle name (from a list of names that Eve had), and my niece took Jack's surname.
(to a different commenter): To appease Jack. He didn't really get much of a say over naming the baby. My sister really played the whole "I'm the one carrying the baby" card.

Commenter: I don't get why your contact with your niece have to be limited? I'm not sure the marriage will last anyway, with these conditions.

OOP: Right now it seems like Eve is just doing whatever she has to do to keep Jack from leaving her as well as getting back on Jack's family's good side.

Commenter: I don't how I feel about this. Changing the baby's name after a year to whatever the husband wants? Priority for holidays for five years? No pictures for your mom unless Jack approves of it? This seems like jumping from the frying pan directly into the fire. If these are the terms set up by Jack in order to "save" the marriage...one, I doubt the marriage counselor knows about these specific ones I mentioned and two, is it even worth saving? Your sister has no autonomy over their child, no autonomy over her schedule, no ability to share a photo with her mother. You have limited contact with your niece. Who really won here other than Jack and his family who might, someday, be nice to your sister?
Yes, your sister was wrong in the original post. Of course she was. But not ONE things on this list can change what happened. Not one. And this parts of this list sound like they could lead to some DV situations in the future on Jack's part. Isolation from support systems is one of those factors.

OOP: Jack's mom suddenly passed away, and she was a loving and sweet person. I wouldn't exactly call it a "win."
Also from what Eve has told me it's not "isolation" so much as strict boundaries. Eve said that these restrictions were only for the baby and that she's able to still have regular contact with whoever she chooses.

Commenter: yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes. what a hard overcorrection.
i can't imagine them ever getting back on the right footing again after this. eve will lose herself with guilt and trying to keep the family together and jack will lose himself in trying to forgive but also punish eve for what he lost. at that point it's not two people in love, it's just two people filled with resentment and "trying to make it work".

OOP: They're going to couple's counseling is all I can respond with. We'll see what happens.

Commenter: OP sounds disgusting too, calling PPD a “card” sister will play. Shame on you, OP.

OOP: I referred to it as a card because of how my sister is using her diagnosis with Jack. She literally said "he can't be angry with me I have PPD."
(in response to someone asking if she really has it): No, it's real and I do believe her because her personality did change the further she got into her pregnancy. It's just the way my sister is using her diagnosis that made me word it the way that I did. She's very "he can't stay angry with me I have PPD" and "he has to forgive me I'm not mentally well."

Commenter: Is the postpartum diagnosis is what made him to be willing to work it out? Not sure how that was connected to what she did.

OOP: I mean, he wasn't open to couple's counseling BEFORE the official diagnosis.

​

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Jaida-Luz
Originally posted to AITAH
My partner's mother lied and my family took his side.
Triggers Warnings: abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, psychical assault, possible grooming, miscarriage
Original Post: April 29, 2024
Three days ago, my partner 32M, his mother and I 25F (we've been together for 8 years on and off) were on our way to his sister's house for her daughter's birthday. Just the night before my partner and I had an argument about kids. Nothing new lately, he wants one and we've been trying for few months now. Anyway I said we need to see a doctor, he believes that we're both healthy and young and if anything then we're doing something wrong, I was already exhausted from work and wanted to have some rest so I didn't argue much which only made him even more angry. I sat up and let him have his moment then slept.
Next day we went to pick up his mother, I tried to start a conversation but he just kept nodding. Now with his mom with us in the car I tried my best to lighten the mood so she doesn't feel uncomfortable. 5 mins or so he said "can you shut your mouth for a minute I don't want to hear your voice" his mother asked him what's wrong. All I said was "I know what's wrong with him" he stopped the car and yelled at me that since I know what's wrong then I for sure know what an immature b-tch I am for starting a discussion with no intention to communicate. Mind you he was the one who started it and refused to lower his voice and sit down so we communicate like adults.
All this time his mother in the backseat just watching. (Growing up in a house where everyone yell to prove their point. I hate raised voices) and him screaming at me for an argument we had yesterday on our way to a birthday party we're supposed to enjoy. Made me lose it and snapped at him "can you stop f-cking screaming, can't we talk about this when we're back home"
He grabbed my face and told me to never talk to him this way especially in front of his mother, to this moment she said nothing. His grip on my jaw kept getting worse with every word. He did this before but never used this much force. So to take his hand off me I tried to grab his wrist and push but ended up scratching him a little, I swear to God I didn't mean to, I just couldn't bear the pain and wanted him to let go. His mother suddenly decided to use her voice and started yelling at me for hurting him and got out of the car and went to his side to check his wrist, I wanted to check his wrist too but was afraid of him losing it even more. He brushed it off and told his mom it was nothing and started the car again, back home he went straight to the guest room.
I decided to spend the next night at my parents house to decide what to do. My mother and his are friends. Anyway I didn't say anything but they told me later that night that his mother visited in the morning and told them about the fight. The thing is she told them we had an argument without mentioning how he started it and wouldn't stop with all the screaming and how he grabbed my face and only told them about me scratching him. Now my family lecturing me about how I should respect him and consider starting counseling (by family I mean my mother and little brother. My dad didn't say anything). I tell them how it went and try to show them the bruise on my jaw and they wouldn't listen because his mother can't possibly lie to them and the boy they watched growing up can't be this bad. But THE DAUGHTER THEY RAISED CAN LIE AND BE THIS BAD? for God's sake they know how I don't tolerate raised voices and avoid heated arguments at any cost but none listen to me now except for my big brother who's him and my soon to be ex are close friends.
What hurt me is instead for at least comfort me they are taking his side while they saw him raise his voice before and call his coworker names. Is it because my little brother brought his gf home and they gave her my room so she can be close to college and scared that if I break up with him I would come back to stay with them and ruin everything?
I have a stable job and can take care of myself just good. I want to go back to break up with him and pack my things but can't even look him in the eye now for what he made me go through. He called and texted but like I said I don't even want to hear his voice.
He apologized for what he did in a few texts, I'm thinking about showing them to my family? but I feel sad I need to do that so they support me emotionally. All my things are there and I never did this before because he's my first everything. I'm mad that his mother LIED for him while my family didn't even listen to me. I'm thinking Fùck them all except my big brother.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Comments
Due_Connection179: NTA and you need to break up with this dude. It may be a little awkward for a little bit with you mom and his mom being friends, but in no way can you let this dude put his hands on you and scream in your face like that, especially in front of people. Please get out of this relationship before he escalates any further.
sgw79: NTA, ditch this asshole before he really hurts you. Don’t let anybody treat you like this. Stay safe!
 
Update #1 May 1, 2024
Hi. Thank you all for your opinions on my previous post.
The night I shared that post I didn't sleep a wink but had to go to work anyway. I didn't want to go back to my parents house but had nowhere to go which made things even more complicated.
I was tired and all I wanted was to sleep but younger brother wouldn't let me. He kept trying to talk about it and repeating the things his mother told them. I literally felt like my eyes were going to shut on their own from exhaustion. Suddenly I felt his hand under my chin, when I looked up his face was so close to mine checking the bruise and I pushed him. I know what I did is wrong but at that moment he wasn't my younger brother or anyone I know, (I don't know how to explain this part but it was sudden and didn't realize what was happening I guess). I just don't know why did I push him, not too hard but enough to make him back off a little. I think lack of sleep messed with my head but still.. When I realized what was happening I apologized immediately but he didn't take it well.
My mother told him it's okay she's just exhausted and then said "why didn't you just show us the bruise yesterday". I told her "that's exactly what I tried to do but you wouldn't listen". In her defense it was covered with makeup and didn't look bad, Okay. She said my partner and I need to sit down and sort things out and that I should apologize for the scratch too. (I did the moment it happened). She also offered to call and ask him to come tomorrow so we could talk and fix things. I was so tired to argue with her so I grabbed my things and got out.
I'm writing this post from my hotel room. It's temporarily, yes I have a stable job but can't afford staying here for long. (I need to be careful with my money since I'm gonna need to find myself a place, buy furniture and other things).
I sent him a long descriptive text where I mentioned everything that happened that day. Even mentioned how it wasn't the first time but this one left a bruise. including the scratch and apologized for it again.. everything just like one of you advised me to do and I got a response. So I guess it's something?
My big brother made it clear to me that he doesn't care if they are close friends, family comes first and that he will bring a friend with him to help me pack my things when I'm ready. He also offered me to stay with him as long as I need but I can't do that (he and his fiance had a baby recently and her mother staying with them to help for a few months, I don't want to make things hard for them). the only friend I have is on a business trip, she was supportive and said I can stay with her when she comes back Saturday so I'm waiting for now. (She's the only friend I have that I can trust. I never felt the need to have more than one since him and I used to do pretty much everything together).
I can't help but feel like I'm overreacting. I do want to leave and acting on it. But then again this thought keep crossing my mind (that he's not always like this). I know I'm an idiot I'm just sharing this with you because I can't be this honest with my brother and definitely can't say this to my family too. My brother advised me to not answer his calls and texts until I leave so I don't give him a chance to talk me out of this. My father called me this morning and apologized for not saying anything, he offered money (1500$, I don't think I should accept it. By the way he loves my mother to death and for him whatever she "says goes" since forever. so to be honest, I'm not disappointed that he didn't stand up for me that day. At least he didn't try to shut me up)
For now I'm getting any paperwork I might need (thanks to my big brother and the comments I know better now).
=I feel I should clarify something. Yes we dated for 8 years. But we didn't become exclusive until I was 18. He actually waited. (It was my older brother's idea tho. His only condition was that nothing would happen between us until I turn 18 (You know what I mean by nothing). I think because they were close friends and knowing that my brother was against it all at first. made him keep his promise)
That's all. I will try and give final update when I sort everything out.
Thank you again.
Comments
EmuDue9390: "I feel I should clarify something. Yes we dated for 8 years. But we didn't become exclusive until I was 18. He actually waited."
He didn't wait. He groomed you.
This is all so disturbing. Your family is so wrong. Please move in with your friend and cut your family off completely. They are encouraging you to stay with someone who laid hands on you & now that he knows he will get support from YOUR family when he abuses you it will only get worse.
Your family is GROSS and abusive as well. GET AWAY FROM ALL THESE PEOPLE AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
There is a better life out there for you. There are better people out there. How many times do you have to apologize for an accidental defensive scratch??? Any man grabs my face I would scratch his eyes out. Once someone lays hands on you you are ALLOWED to defend yourself, NO APOLOGIES.
There is a better life for you out there if you can muster just enough courage to get away & cut contact now.

OOP: I do realize this now. I'm working on everything you mentioned I just hope everything works out well. Thank you 🙏🏻

Mammoth_Might8171: You are not overreacting!!! Do not let your mom and younger brother gaslight u into thinking u are overreacting. Also, stop apologizing to him.
Edit: I am also concerned that your younger brother thought it was appropriate to put his hands on you (I know he was “just” touching your face to check your bruise) suddenly and without your consent. OP, I hope u know that that itself is not ok. I suggest u steer clear of your younger brother and mom for the time being
 
Update #2 June 2, 2024
Hi. I don't know where to start. To be honest I completely forgot about updating until I got a notification few days ago from someone asking if I got away (thank you 🙏🏻).
A few days after my last update my brother and a friend of his went with me to pack my belongings. Thank God they did because we found his mother there too. My ex kept asking to talk with me in private but both my brother and his friend told him to say whatever he wanted with them in the room. He apologized and asked me to give him another chance with his mother telling him to man up and stop begging the whole time. I called my friend to thank her again and let her know that I would be staying with my brother for the time being. I stayed with him for 2 weeks. Honestly I didn't expect his MIL to be that kind. Both she and her daughter (my brother's fiancée) were good to me. I tried to help with the baby which helped me keep my mind off things a little and not feel like I was in the way.
I mentioned in my original post that my ex and I were trying for a baby. I also mentioned in my first update how I felt tired all the time. I thought it was because I was going through a tough time but I didn't know I was pregnant until I miscarried. With everything going on I didn't pay attention to my period. I started having period like cramps the night before. I continued to have cramps the next day which turned into bleeding and it was like having a bad period but the bleeding continued to worsen over the course of the day. I probably wouldn't have even thought I was pregnant if my SIL hadn't told me that I might be miscarrying. I was 6 weeks along.
Other than the miscarriage which I'm still a little shaken by, everything has been good with me. I found myself a place 30 minutes from work. I'm adjusting. The last time he showed up at my work was a week ago or so. Two of my coworkers told him to never show up again since he has no reason to be there and he never did since. I'm NC with my mother and younger brother. She tries to reach me through my older brother but he told me it's better if I stay NC at least for a few months.
When I posted. I was more focused on his mother lying to my family but the real issue was him doing that in front of her. If she hadn't visited and lied I probably wouldn't have told my family and never posted here. So I would have never known that’s not how things work and that’s not how my partner should treat me. I sometimes think about my ex. I know I seem weak but I've known him for so long and he was my first everything. But now I don't have to worry about a lot of things. I wake up relaxed and don't have to worry about messing something up. By the way my first therapy session is this Tuesday. That's all, thank you 🙏🏻
Comments
thefilthiestfingers: NTA at all. It's completely understandable that you're feeling shaken by everything you've been through, including the miscarriage. (sorry to hear about that btw...) It's important to prioritize your own well-being and take the time you need to heal. It's great that you're taking steps like going to therapy to take care of yourself. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness in any relationship. Keep focusing on yourself and your own happiness, and things will get better with time. You're doing great, and I'm rooting for you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

For the past 6 months or so, every 2-4 weeks I get this pain in my left side just below my rib cage, sort of like a cramping, jabbing pain that lasts several hours. Tonight I laid down on my left side and felt around to see if I could feel anything strange there, and when I pressed at the bottom of one of my lowest ribs, I felt something move. The best way I can describe it is feeling just like if you place a finger under your jaw on one side and press up and out so that your lymph node moves underneath your jawbone. I cannot replicate it on my right side. Does this sound like what sliding rib feels like? There isn’t any increase in pain when I do this - the pain stays the same but doesn’t necessarily feel pinpointed to whatever I am moving, more like it’s all in the surrounding area and maybe deeper.
*editing to add I had a baby last year and my ribs definitely widened, if that means anything.

Please pray that I don't give up looking for a job and I have been applying everywhere either they are not hiring or I get rejected. I am having major family problems my family thinks I am lazy and don't want to work. And what I will do is follow up on the places I applied bat if I can't get a job I may give up.
I be having major family problems either they lecture at me or another scapegoat goat in the family. My family always lecture me and put me down and they never praise me . I wish I have a loving happy family that is loving and caring. My family is causing me stress.
Everything I do for my family is not good enough they always put me down they always criticize me and they never praise me . They always say i am lazy and I don't clean up the house or looking for a job every time I tell them I am looking they don't believe me .
Please pray for the one that is homeless, jobless, stressed, depressed, difficult with sickness and cancer, having family problems, lonely, etc . God we are good people why are bad things keep happening to us . Why do I have social anxiety ? I never ask for this maybe if I haven't had social anxiety I would have a better job and got married. I hate that I have social anxiety it ruined my life.
I hope and wish I can change the world for people who are closer to homeless and jobless live at an apartment for free untill they get income or get on they feet again and get apartment for people who can't work and on social security. Even if they didn't have no income they can live in an apartment for free and get free food and help disabled people get social security if they don't have it . For those who don't have jobs and want to work we will help them get on their feet again. I hope , pray and wish some people wasn't so heartless and help people out like this who needs help very bad . God please help us all.
Dear God,please don't leave us or give up on us help us we are afraid, sad, stressed are in very bad help and I pray that you help us all and bless us all and give us better days and heal our body and take away our trials, stress, loneliness, depression, physical pain and emotional pain we are tired we all need your help in Jesus name Amen Hugs and Prayers for you 🫂🫂 🫂 🫂 🫂 🫂 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏.

hi THT and reddit. Long time lurker, first time poster. I don’t really know what i’m looking to accomplish by posting this. Maybe i need advice or maybe this is just so i can vent. tw for the following (suicide, sh, addiction, ab0rtion) All the names in this story are fake for privacy.
I, (22F) have a long , overwhelming, complicated relationship with my mom (44F). for some context: my mom and dad (48M) were never married, they were more of a fling. they had known each other only about a month and were casually dating…then my dad ended things to continue his career in a different state. they found out they were pregnant with me (they were 21 and 24) and my dad stayed in our home state to raise me. they never got back together but they remained friendly. fast forward to now my mother has a son Derek (Fake name, 17M) with derek’s dad, her now fiancé. We’ll call him Sal. My father, we’ll call him Roger, had 3 more children (F,F,M 10-14) with his ex wife. my mother kind of tossed me with my dad, and i saw her on weekends and the summertime. my mother was never really a mother to me…she did the bare minimum. to her defense, maybe the bare minimum to me, was the best she could offer. My mother will never admit it, but she resents having me. from the moment my brother was born, i felt it, i saw it, i endured it. my brother is my mother’s whole world, her everything. Her straight A, complient, high achieving baby boy who holds the key to her heart. her life began when my brother was born. And i am nothing. I am the problem child, the underachiever, the one who could always be a little bit more like my baby brother. My brother’s dad, my step dad (39F), is a great guy. my mom and him have an extensive history. They met when i was 4. They were off an on for many years. He was 22 when he had my brother..he was broke, immature, a “player”. My mom was 27 when she had my brother Derek. She was head over heels for sal. and i think he just wanted a booty call. That changed when my brother was born. he was not always kind to my mother, but he loves the shit out of derek. he stepped up and became a very respectable man and a very important person in my life. They were so in love with each other but neither of them could get their shit together enough for one another. Sal was engaged to someone for 9 years, my mother was in a serious relationship with someone else for about 6 years. Both of them eventually broke it off. And about 4 years ago, sal and my mother got back together, and last year he proposed. I struggled a lot mentally once i turned 12. I suffered from severe depression, anxiety, and (at the time) undiagnosed schizo-obsessive disorder. My father was/is my rock. He dropped everything to help me, to fix whatever was wrong with me. He is my bird, he holds me up, and protects me when i cannot do anything to help myself. He would wash my hair, help brush my teeth, and sleep on the floor next to my bed, when i was afraid i would do something awful to myself if i was left alone. He would sit me and help me eat when I would force myself to go hungry. He is my footprints in the sand (if you know that poem). I owe my life to him. My mother, was not like that. I was struggling with severe depression and temptations of suicide and she refused to help me or help with therapy, and was convinced i was making it up. my mom found out i was sh, and she beat me. and told me if i did it again, to make sure i cut deeper next time. i was 12. My mother at one point told me that i should end my life bc “she didn’t play that shit”. i was 13 when I attempted to fulfill her wishes for the first time. thankfully, i was unsuccessful, but i think,subconsciously, my mom wishes i was. What a horrible thing it is to look into your mother's eyes and see her love for you vanish. I'm sorry you had to raise a kid that you didn't want. i continued to silently struggle with self harm n suicide until i was 20. when i was 18 i eventually told my dad. he held me and cried with me. he bought self help books and took me on regular dad/daughter dates to remind me im loved. he did everything he could to protect me from my own brain. My issues with mental health continued, I wanted to die and i would have done anything and everything to make it happen. i think, if she could, my mother would have done it for me. i was 20 when i found out i was pregnant, with my current boyfriend. i was terrified. i was not afraid of being a mother. i was afraid of being MY mother, of trying so hard to not be like her, that somehow without knowing, it would be like looking in a mirror and seeing her. i regretfully, had an abortion. It’s been two years now, and i think of it every day. i relive my grief everyday. i was quickly filled with this maternal warmth i had never known. and just at fast as it appeared, it was gone. I was told it gets easier, but it doesn't... This pain DOES NOT go away. I told my mother about it. she was gentle and loving. she was a painted image of what i had always needed. and within an instant it was gone. she told me id be a terrible mother anyways, that i was not ready. maybe she was right. i moved out shortly after, and she turned my room into her dogs room. i was 21 years old finally getting diagnosed with OCD and schizo-obsessive disorder, and trial and erroring medications. being in the worst mental pit of my life, struggling to stay alive. with only help from dad and bf for anything because she didn’t think any of it was real or as bad as i “was making it seem”. the second derek showed an ounce of an anxiety- she started taking him to therapy regularly, got him on medication, and prioritized it. mom is pushing and helping him find universities like princeton and other areas..i went to 13 different schools before HS because no one could agree on anything. he’s only ever been to private school. im paying for college all by myself. she takes him on trips to disney world for his birthday, after promising me every year to take me from 2-14. and lets him bring a friend fully paid, but makes me stay home to watch her dogs. i’ve still never been. I try not to think about it. i love my mother. i am very close with my brother. sometimes i wish he would stand up for me. but he is only 17..i will not hold that on him. this is all he has known. a loving mother and father who would give anything for him. i feel very out of place on her side of the family. i don’t feel like my mom knows me at all and she makes me feel small because im not who she wants me to be. and i can’t tell her any of this and it’s building a lot of resentment. my mother had her baby with the man she wanted and created her own little family where i am the outcast. I am not her daughter, i am a constant reminder of what her life could have been and what her life is. for as much she doesn’t like her mother, she is a product of her environment. the way my grandmother treated her and my aunt …i see a lot of similarities of that with me and derek. i don’t think she’ll ever admit it, but i think she’s embarrassed of me. i didn’t have that push or encouragement from her like she’s gives derek. i feel like she’s wishes i was more like him. and it’s hard not to resent derek sometimes because he has a version of mom that im never going to get. i want my mother to love me. i want derek’s mother. that daughterhood feeling of wanting to blame your mother for how you turned out, wanting to be angry at her for how you've inherited her pain and her insecurities, but at the same time wanting to keep coming home to her, out of everyone else in the universe, because you know that if there's anyone who might be anything like you-if there's anyone who might even have a clue of what it's like to be you-it could only be her. and no matter how many times you've hurt each other, no matter how difficult it might be to get her to truly see you, you still just want her to love you as you are, to tell you that this isn't your fault, and to show you that she would keep letting you come home to her. i want her to be proud of me. but i am all you could have been and you are all i might be.
i know this was long. i needed to get it out i guess. i’m so lonely. i just want my mom.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThatLastBiUnicorn
Aita for not giving my bf a threesome
Originally posted to AITAH
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: verbal abuse, manipulation, poisoning, physical abuse, religious abuse
Original Post May 31, 2024
This is a throwaway because too much identifying info is on my main.
I F29 met my boyfriend "Michael" M35 at a show I performed in (I am a theatre person as a hobby) and he complimented my performance and bought me a drink. We have been together now for a little over a year.
His sister got married last week and I was initially pleased to asked to be a bridesmaid but also a bit surprised as she barely knows me but I thought this was an attempt to have an excuse to also get to know each other better.
Michael and I got into an argument the week before because he said that he wanted to entertain the thought of spicing up our sex life and having a threesome. He said since I was bi, why not? I didn't like the idea too much and said so and it devolved into a petty cold war and he started to ignore my messages after he left my place. He didn't reply to me at all until the day before the wedding asking what time he needed to pick me up since we can't go swperate otherwise "people will gossip" about us. He barely said anything to me the whole time we traveled to the venue. The wedding was fine, but at the reception he got me a plate and leaned in to kiss me but I shied away and he got up to mingle.
I started feeling ill not too long after and 911 wad called. I realized I was having an allergic reaction but had my pen but still had to be carted off by the ambulance and that's when someone eho was looking for Michael said that he had left with some of the other groomsmen to a bar nearby. I called 6 times and texted that it was an emergency as I was getting checked put by the paramedics and again when they strongly suggested I go to the hospital but he never replied.
I was released hy the hospital and called him to ask him to pick me up but he didn't pick up so I woke up my best friend and she took me home and stayed with me overnight to make sure I was okay. The next morning Michael called me but I was still asleep so he left me a lengthy voicemail yelling at me that I ruined his sister's wedding and that I always have to make things about me. He came over to further berate me and told me he should just break up with me at this point as I am dramatic and this is "all too much" so I pointed out that he had gotten my plate, knew full well that I have a alegit allergy to coconut and that his sister had told me afterwards that he knew that the cake he gave me was the coconut cream cake as all the food had signs saying what it was and what the ingredients were as I am not the only person with allergies that attended. He left telling me that he can't talk to me when I am this way.
I was honestly exhausted so I didn't bother going after him. But his father called me to ask how I was doing and after I answered he then told me how I am hurting Michael's heart by blaming him and Michael has been inconsolable since we fought.
I texted Michael to ask if we could talk but the conversation went back around somehow to the threesome and how I don't respect him even in intimate settings or want to hear him out regarding his needs and make things about me.
I am so confused because to me this feels manipulative but I respect his father so much (I go to their church and he is a pastor there) so to have him tell me I am in the wrong threw me. Aitah?
Edit: a lot of comments are suggesting that this was intentional and I have actually never considered he gave me something I am allergic on purpose and certainly not to use against me to leverage in our argument. But I think I may have to come clean and talk to his parents. I know them well so hopefully it won't go too badly.
Small update: Michael texted me this morning to apologize. He said the wedding was stressing him out and he had a lot on his mind so he accidently handed me the plate he meant for himself, not the one for me. He said he didn't know I was in the hospital and feels bad he wasn't there for me but he left the reception with some of the groomsmen to blow of much needed steam. I don't know how I feel about it all so I just replied "okay" he is now asking to come over and talk this out in person.
2nd edit: For any and all of you calling me stupid or implying I am a child and "why am I still with this guy" etc. Just know, you remind me a lot of him in how he used to put me down and bully me ands it's a real wonder of mine if you treat people in your life like he did me. I suspect you do. Glad to be rid of him and indifferent about you.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OhSheAimsToMisbehave

Op be honest - have you, now that you are looking back, seen red flags like this? This behavior likely didn't just show up. Have you ever gotten ill after a disagreement with him?

OOP

Oddly enough I am sitting with my BFF and she asked me the same question and yes, actually.
Our first real argument that I can remember I was down with a stomach bug for almost a week and he visited me and made soup.
Then the only BIG argument I can recall outside this one, he wanted to use labels really soon onto us going on some dates and I didn't and the next morning, I was sick with chest pains and stomach cramps.
I don't want to sounds dramatic or accusatory but since people have commented he might have purposefully given me something I am allergic to, I just don't know anymore.

~
RiskBig3301

NTA - the two of you are completely incompatible. He wants threesomes…you want to attend wedding receptions without leaving in an ambulance.

OOP

Okay, when I read this I was with bestie and we've been drinking and the scream I scrumpted laughing so hard nearly killed me more effectively than the coconut lmao

Update - I Am No Longer Welcome at Church June 1, 2024
Well many of you were right I should not have met him in person but I did. He took me out to lunch insisting he pay for it all and it was incredibly over the top. He had flowers and a written letter of apology but as some of you messaged me his apologies dodged the point by way of "if I hurt you" or "that you're feeling x or y feeling" etc. He quoted some scriptures and said he has repented as his carelessness caused me harm.
I wasn't much moved by any of it until he said how much his family loves me and how much our church roots for us as a couple and I kinda sat back and realized that one flimsy reason I was even entertaining forgiving him and staying was because of the pressure I dealt with as the GF of a pastors son. It occurred to me that there were so many times I let things slide because he is the heir apparent so he had the power in the social aspect of our community.
Sorry I know I am rambling but I'm emotional and tipsy.
I remembering just staring at him and saying it was incredibly alarming that by now he can't be aware of my oe Ingle allergy and that he didn't bother to tell his own GF he was stepping out with the guys or even that he was stepping out of his own sisters wedding at all. He then said it was really actually kind of stupid of me to eat a cake that had coconut and implied I am an idiot for not realizing what I had was coconut. I realized then he would never accept that he was in the wrong and thus there was no point.
I stood up and and smiled and said "You know what, don't worry about it. Thanks for dinner. Goodnight." To which he replied that if I wasn't going to grow up and accept his apology I am a waste of his time. He uses that a lot whenever we disagree and it usually hurts me deeply but this time it was like a roladex of memories flooded my brain and I really suspect he's been deliberately making me sick whenever we disagree to teach me a lesson. I said I was done and he needn't waste his time with me from this point on and left. I then sent screenshots to his father explaining the situation as best I can without blaming Michael for prior illnesses without proof and I got a text about 20 minutes ago from his father.
His father is "incredibly dissppinted" in my immaturity and hurt that I wouldn't even give it until Sunday at church where we can pray together, talk it our and heal. I felt this way for a while but I was able to say it this time that using religion as a took of guilt is low and I am no longer concerned with his version of God as that version is a judgemental, cruel, and heartless jerk while the one I always thought of was loving, compassionate, and kind, and I am done. I was told by him and by further emails rolling in that I am no longer welcome at my church until I reconcile with my "true husband" and learn compassion and respect for my leaders.
So I guess that's it. I will enjoy sleeping in tomorrow and eating coconut free food, while lazing about my home rather than going to three sperate church services starting at 8am and then figure it all out from there.
I don't know how to sign off but I do watch a concerning amount of Charlotte Dobre videos and she usually ends things with practical shit like "do your laundry" or something so I will just say - live for yourself, feed your soul, and know you are enough. I certainly am going to put in the work to get there and I hope we all make it to the other side contented, and filled with love and joy.
And by the way, F you Michael. I know you are reading this. I know you know it's me. And I hope your socks are always just a little soggy. 🫶
OOP Added in the comments
Here
I forgot to add to my post but I didn't want to bring the threesome requests into it...
...well I sent his daddy screenshots of some texts. If you'd like some drama here are the top two:
1) it was a night I sent him home after he tried and failed to pressure into sex. He sent me that I was missing out and should be grateful since "your body makes me sick, but my love for you is stronger. Would it kill you to be grateful enough to just do a HJ?"
And
2) on his birthday, I had just been in the hospital after passing out from exhaustion and dehydration and went straight to his party. I stayed at his until everyone left and I left soon after helping clean all but the kitchen and he sent "You could have cleaned the kitchen." Then "or stayed over [for sex]." Then "you're a waste of time if I don't even get birthday sex. Thanks a lot."
And after both be suggested adding a 3rd. His dad hasn't responded.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Still_Actuator_8316

Holy crap. And you stayed with him. You poor girl. No one deserves someone like that in there life.
But you didn't say if you told his dad about him sending you to the hospital and potentially killing you. Becuase we both know and the rest of reddit knows that he did that intentionally.
And if there was proof of him giving you that cake. You could probley send his happy ass to jail.

OOP

I didn't and don't have the best self esteem. And here as the only black woman in the town that I've known of, I've always known that I am considered less desirable- not saying that's right - but just knowing where I live. Been here since my preteen years. When Michael asked me out it was like a parade. Everyone acted like it was a Cinderella story and I won a lottery or something. I have a friend who I ha e been texting today and she is letting me know how dumb I've been (I never told her of our issues) and is about ready to commit crimes lol
I think I lost myself for a bit but I wanted to leave the church low-key for a while because of my treatment so that helps a bit

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I 21f used to be good friends with “Anna” 20f, from around the age of 13. I met my parents split up and my mother moved us into an abusive situation. Frankly, it was a small town and she was the first person who offered to be my friend.
I moved back to my hometown, 6 hours away in the 10th grade, and we stayed in contact. She came to visit once, I went back for her graduation and then we saw each other two or three times since then. I’ve since had a baby and gotten engaged to my fiance. We spoke when we were younger about having each other as maids of honor in each other’s weddings but I’ve grown and no longer consider us to be that close of friends anymore. So I could still have her included I had asked her recently to help our son be the ring bearer, and she agreed. On the same phone call she mentioned feeling hurt that we don’t talk much anymore, to which I apologized and explained that as a mom, working nights and planning a wedding, I’ve been quite busy lately. She accepted that and I thought I could refocus on my wedding planning.
Tonight I received this email. I’m going to preface, that when she came to visit, it was uninvited and unannounced. And by general consensus from myself, my fiancé and my sister that have all been aware of everything that’s gone on from the start, that the only thing I’ve done is drifted apart from her and stopped reaching out. And on Mother’s Day this year, I was not around my phone and I’m notoriously bad at answering texts, which she’s known about for years. The email is as follows with changed names.
OP,
I would like to inform you of a few significant occurrences. The following hurts me more than you can begin to imagine. I am composing an email with these contents so you can read over it and really process its entirety.
I have considered you my best friend for months shy of 10 years. That is half of our lives that I know I have held on to. Throughout those years we have been through so much, both good and bad. The effort and attention to detail that I have put into our friendship sometimes was all the energy I had. Within the last year, the energy and struggles that have piled on top of the preexisting pain and struggle has skyrocketed. On March 21st I received an email. I was so excited for what it stated it was, and opened it on my coffee break. “OP & Fiancé’s wedding RSVP”. In that RSVP I found out details for this wedding in which I have been desperately asking for in any conversation I’ve had with you before this point. I didn’t even get a colour theme as the least amount of information I could have gotten. For the years we have been friends, planning our weddings was something we would dream about. When I came to visit you in the summer of 2022, I had the most fun I have had in years. I can’t forget the day you drove me by Fiancé’s parent’s house and brought up maybe marrying him and what that would look like. I am going to assume you do as well, so I won’t even say. Coming back to the RSVP which I had opened at work. Tears, frustration, confusion, heartache, betrayal, denial are only a few of the emotions that took over me that day. You buttered me up for so many years and in one email you punched me in the face, spit at me and walked all over me. “Did I read everything right? What just happened? She didn’t even give me a quick text saying what was happening and her decisions for this wedding, like I have respectfully been asking for…”
I am a person who takes pride in my attention to details. I thrive on pleasing people at whatever cost I have to pay. I put off starting a job at a lawyers office to come and meet your baby. You called me “Auntie Anna” . I was willing to do anything for you and baby, because you were part of me. My “soul person” I would have even considered. Having said that, I also wanted to come down for baby’s first birthday and yours after not being able to celebrate your birthday in person since we were probably 13. You didn’t have confirmed plans when I asked, which turned into plans that were out of town. I couldn’t go. I moved it to sister’s birthday which turned south and painful with your grandpa’s passing. The second person I messaged when I heard the news after your mom was you, to see if you were ok. I was there for you to not be ok if you weren’t and ready to listen and try to make any pain feel less. The response I got was “We’re doing alright, planning wedding and funeral at the moment too…” and not much more along those words. I understand there is pain, and being what I thought was your best friend, I accepted the role of comfort person. I don’t recall any instance you have allowed me to fully be there for you in any hard situation. I get an “I’m alright” or “I’ll be okay” and that’s it. From the beginning of March to mid May there was no contact. On Mother’s Day I said “ Happy Mother’s Day'' and didn’t get any response for three days. When you did respond, that gave me an opportunity to make time to call you. That call was very painful on my end, which is an understatement. You hurt me in so many ways that you can not repair, and it seemed like it was no big deal from you. I opened up to you and got a sorry that you would give if you bumped into someone in a store. Your apology felt like words you thought I wanted to hear followed by “I’ve been really busy”. I knew you were busy OP, and that doesn’t mean taking 10 seconds to message me two words couldn’t have happened. You mentioned how important I was to you in that phone call, to help walk baby down the aisle. If I was so important to you, why have I had zero information about anything going on? Why am I finding out about plans you make that involve me from someone else and not you? Why are you using avoidance and silent treatment on me? Would I have been asked to help walk baby down the aisle or the wedding shower if I didn’t call you? Would things have moved forward with you acting like nothing happened? A friendship goes two ways, and I have been playing catch up doing my end and yours. I am always the person to reach out first, and is that now expected of me? Is that what I am supposed to do if I mean so much to you?
What I also have left out from our call, was how bad I really am doing. Before I received the RSVP, I was already struggling to do basic daily tasks. Afterwards, I started struggling to keep myself alive. So when I say I have been hurt beyond repair, this is what I mean. Saying a simple sorry can’t even begin to piece my heart back together. Having this kind of treatment from the person I have called my best friend for the last 10 years isn’t something I can look past and forgive that simple. A friendship that gave me purpose when nobody would go near me. It has felt one sided and superficial for so long and I have given the benefit of the doubt every time. I look past the hurt and come back. This kind of hurt being, torn with loving you so much and being so heartbroken by you at the same time shouldn’t be a situation I am stuck with. This “content” hasn’t come up only because of the semi-recent events. I have been living with these feelings that have been covered in denial, giving the benefit of the doubt every time something happens.
I can not say enough times how much this has hurt me. How much I was willing to do for you and then baby. Some days the only thing keeping me alive was you and him. Now I am stuck with feeling like a disposable shape of a human you have called your friend and nothing that works to numb the pain. The health care system doesn’t even want to help me be strong enough to live a “happy” life, so I am left filled with pain from people and resources that I thought would be there for me.
My last addition I will make for you is letting you know I will not be attending your wedding. I can’t. From everything I have been through in the last 3 years, I have learned that I am allowed to keep myself out of toxic environments. I do not feel appreciated in the slightest as a guest at your wedding. I have been stuck on this decision due to letting your mom, dad, nana, and sister down. Having felt like I have never been good enough for you, how am I supposed to know if you will see where this is coming from? I feel as if I have been invited to fill up space and provide my hands to work. This kills me to even have to think about, but it is my messed up reality. A simple “sorry” can’t dent this wall I have had to make to hide the hurt. I want you to read this and really read it. Understand it. Process it. I don’t know if I really mean as much to you as you make it out to be, and if I am even worth your time and effort to attempt any kind of repair. I deserve answers OP. I don’t understand what I could have done to deserve any of this. I am running out of borrowed energy to put on a smile and please people at the expense of my life. I don’t want this to be the end of a friendship, especially this way.
Sincerely,
Anna.
I genuinely don’t know how to respond to this. Had she not reached out I probably would have left her as a wedding guest and still would have been happy to have her, at this point I feel like an AH and I am 100% honest when I say the only thing I have done is drift away in the friendship.
Can anyone give some advice on what to do?

So my brother and I live in Ohio and he drives truck for autozone. Autozone paid for his CDL school. Since they paid for it, they made him sign a piece of paper that said he’d pay them back if he left before 2 years. He ended up getting a CDL job offer at another company that pays $40,000 more a year and he’d go from a 70hr work week to a 40hr. He went to hand in his notice prepared to pay half of the cost of his CDL school. CDL school in Ohio is $5,000. This is how the conversation went: Brother: hands in notice Manager: “Do you have $15,000?” Brother: “No?” Manager: “Then take this back and go to work” Brother: “I thought CDL school was only $5,000 so I would have to pay $2,500?” Manager: “yes but there’s training fees which total $26,000 so you would owe about $15,000 and if you continue with this notice, we’ll sue you, take you to court, and garnish your wages at your new job”
He talked to drivers that came there already having their CDL and they said that they have no “training fees” and can leave whenever they want.
Is there anyway out of this “contract”?
Since I can’t put a photo, here’s what the contract says:
“Thank you for your interest in the AutoZone Shifting Gears Program! At AutoZone, you can DRIVE your career in many exciting directions, and we are committed to helping you own your development, build your skillset and continue to Put Customers First. By signing this letter and participating in this program, you acknowledge and agree to the following (please checkmark each line):
I acknowledge that AutoZone is investing in my future by committing significant time and resources toward my participation in this Program, and I agree to honor that investment by committing to the Program and AutoZone.
I acknowledge that this Program will cost $31,000 excluding all applicable taxes, which AutoZone will pay on my behalf.
I acknowledge that if I separate from AutoZone within two (2) years after completion of the Program, AutoZone has the right to seek full recoupment of all committed funds related to my participation in the Program. "Separate" means voluntary resignation or termination at AutoZone's sole discretion. The repayment plan will be carried out as follows:
Length of Service' Less than 6 months 6 months but less than 1 year 1 year but less than 1.5 years 1.5 years but less than 2 years Repayment Required 100% of expenses 75% of expenses 50% of expenses 25% of expenses
I acknowledge that my employment with AutoZone shall be "at will" and may be terminated by either party at any time, with or without cause.
And most importantly...
I am excited and eager to DRIVE MY CAREER with AutoZone!
We at AutoZone applaud you in taking this step to own your development, and we are excited to support you now and in the future! Please sign below to acknowledge that you have read and understand the terms of participation in this program.
signatures and dates

Edit: Sorry for so long post with literacy mistakes, im not feeling myself, but im pouring my soul out the way i never did, nothing even to my any closest friends I've ever had... anyone who read all this and understand it, thank you!
What the eff is wrong with me (f31). I've been through so much in my life as well, and people have been through a lot of shit because of me as I have put them through. As a child I have been wild and uncontrollable, rebellious whenever I was out of school, but when I was in school or even later in my years at job, I was very calm controlling person, well behaved, always smiled with loads of anxiety under disguise. I think I might have adhd and I'm waiting for diagnosis, but it will take years, unfortunately, for that. I'm impatient and very emotionally unstable (there are a lot more signs than just this, but that is main). Anyway, lately, I've been thinking or rather been triggered by people at work due to my child traumas that led me to think deeply about my parents and my childhood. I think I was unwanted child, as ive been treated just as a kid, just as if I'd be living in a foster home with someone who is forced to have you as ive never got so much love and attention from my parents, 70% of my childhood I can remember ive been told off, beaten and a child that needs alot of control (as I was very rebellious ever since I know about myself). It's hard to handle and always getting in trouble. I ran away multiple times, first time was when I was 4 years old, then I have been stealing other kids goods, their toys, I mean everything they had and I wanted, I stole and it happens since I was 4, didn't stopped untill I was 15. A lot of times, I've been caught and felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, but I still carried on. When I was 12 I fell into bad group of so called friends and started to drink, smoke, we stole from the shops intentionally and usually I was distraction in the shop for shop ladies who worked there, but even that, when I had chance I'd nip away a liter or any alcohol bottle or cigarettes. I was introduced to boys for intention to have relationship and sexual interaction but thankfully I was (according to my friends at the time) dumb and too shy to do anything or have guts to sleep with any of them. I felt stupid at the time because of that. Today, I can say thanks God I was the way I was, because only who knows where would I be if I'd started having sexual interactions at 13 years. Don't know where this came from, but a strong instinct didn't let me, or it is just the beginning of my anxiety of untrusting people. Anyways I'm glad I didn't. Although I was craving for any kind of touch just to feel loved and feel important in someone else's eyes, I knew that wasn't it. As long as I know myself, I always crave this satisfaction and love and attention. And these cravings came out later over the years. I had first sex when I was 14, and it felt like a must-do. I was "deadly" in love with some guy, and I even lied to him. I wasn't a virgin, just so I could taste how it feels to be loved in a physical way. This boy, he went through break up with his first love and I remember of my jealousy, the way he spoke about her, the way he felt about her, and I wished I had all this, I wished I was this person he was in love with. Anyway long story short, he didnt know I was a virgin and we ended up literally "fucking " somewhere unspecial, outdoors, literally just s3x, and I was also not crying but instead I was letting out pleasure voices just to go with it to make him feel good as well as myself but I failed on so many levels. And this cravings to have someone,to be someone's heart and soul and rock and have trust and everything... it never stopped. I grew into a bitter young lady, I was called a bitch multiple times and things (people) that was offered me on silver plate wasn't interesting enough, I ended up hurting them by using them or ghosting them, but I always fell for someone who needed a bit of challenge and chasing. I met a guy when I was 17, and he was a challenge, I was a fox, and he was a rabbit. It was such a difficult beginning due to my infidelity, but only because he gaslighted me for a few weeks. Anyway, strong force brought us together (I think it is due to challenges I felt over him, dopamine chasing, and going against my parents and everyone we knew in common that knew our story and didnt want to see us together, i wanted to prove them wrong). I got pregnant at 17, and by my 21st year old, I was pregnant with third child with him, meanwhile we gor married (think I was 20 or something), but I was awful partner I always longed for dopamine, extremes, adrenaline and infidelity gave me that. Awful wife and mother I was, deeply selfish and narrow looking. Hiding love affair for a year, chasing married mad as it was a challenge to me, tought I was in love but in reality it was just about adrenaline and secrecy, that made me feel alive in my so called marriage. It wasn't my only affair, there was plenty one night stands, I can't even remember, and it is embarrassing today. I hate myself for what I caused my ex-husband, and I can't imagine his emotional pain I caused to him. But after all, kept in touch, we kept each other close, like very good friends and we both put our children in first place. We raised them good and a lot of people admire us for that, knowing how bad this could turn out in the course but all we wanted is keeping our kids out of our drama and let them have best of both worlds-mom and dad on the other side. Today I'm thinking, the way I raise my kids, the way I listen to them and talk to/with them and advise them, making sure they are good, they are unique and that they are all I ever wanted, giving them everything I never had, support, thrust, safety... makes me feel very upset and angry as I never got that from my parents. And I will never understand them. I read goodnight books every night to my youngest child because she loves stories and she is a bookworm . I let my other daughter she is beauty in every single way, no matter how her bully feels. I lost my shit when the line was crossed with a bully, I went to school and even reported it (she is being bullied in school and iam not letting it slide through, but i wish when i was bullied my parents woulddefendme, the way i defend my daughter today) . I make sure my son is as weird he is. He is perfect to me(although I feel somehow I failed him as I was young and dumb when I had him). All that makes me think, I wasn't raised with those comforts, but I still give them to my kids. I love them more than anything, so why didn't my parents give any of this to me. I have a younger brother, and he was much more loved than I was, I can tell that, even he can. He was a golden boy, with great grades and good friends, unlike me. That, and comparing to how I feel about my kids and how I am raising them today, it is not fair for what I've been through as a child. Why is he wanted and I want at the time? It always and probably always will make me feel unwanted. Up untill today, my kids are happy, me and their dad forgot about our past, moved on and choose to put kids on first place, I've got partner (adhd as well of course) my kids love him and he is amazing. Our love story is pretty incredible and we mostly connected due to my mother's betrayal (she was trying to sleep with my boyfriend at the time which was few months before I met my partner) and we grew closer and closer. He was from another country but my untrusting instict was kicking off my mind and when we had long distance relationship, after all of betrayals in my life after all ground falls I've been through with opposite sex (not that I ever shower how much I care or put any effort into it) , after I told him, in 3d world country where I met him, I said, you can promise me everything but I'm not kind of girl who will fall for that or believe whatever BS you're saying, after having long distance relationship and talking and calling thousands times a day, after I betrayed him, got full on selfish drunk and black out cheated multiple times... we ended up stronger than ever, I ended up moving in his country and I was strong enough to convince my ex husband now and my brother (who was already looking for run out of the country-yes my golden boy bro who wasn't really golden but he was still perfect) to move with me. I was always thinking of my kids first, and I always wanted them to have their dad beside them always and forever! I remember at some point my mom wanted to take my brother and me to her national country to get us safe from our dad's fists and his anger, jealousy (related to mom-but I think jealousy was in the right place as my mom wasn't loyal- only I found this out when I had kid with my husband and she told me all about-basically I was her friend who listened amd not daughter, I think this infidelity from her side started sooner, I just don't know about it). She trusted me about her feelings about her infidelity and being in love with other man as I was her friend and at that point she broke my perspective of what family is (Note I was 18 years old and I just started my own family). Anyway my dad was abusive prick, always told me I'd never reach anything, I'd never be anyone, I'm worth of nothing amd mom never stood up for me, but my little golden brother whom I love very much today but didn't at the time, never got any of it. I love my kids, I love my ex husband in a very respectful amd father friendly way, I always put my kids first, I love my brother (even after I hated him so much when we were young I chased him with a bloody knife, for real) I love all of them, most of all I love my partner, he is kind of picture of myself I just never realised. He is a shadow of my self-sabottage side of me, and he taught me so much, and even from begging, he taught me how to think of other persons feelings before doing something that would hurt them. Never before him I never thought of other persons feelings but mine own only. Back to the story, infidelity, untrusting.. all of this happened because I didn't think we'd stick together as long as we did and still going strong after abuse, wether physical or verbal (mostly) ,manipulative games, depression, infidelity and betrayal from my side and his side after few years, toxic cycle all the way, but where we stand today, if we wouldn't stick together I believe I'd never find anyone that I would love as much as him, and he would end up dead in worst case scenario. But as we were really strong and went through a lot of things, we kept on going. Love made us keep on going. Usually, I wouldn't stick around with people who'd done these things to me, as well as he wouldn't, but it's something stronger, like a force from outer space that always broke us together. We help each other now, we listen (we didn't do that in past as noone knew how to so we always ended up fighting) we care, we consider, we understand, we absorb and we react properly. It went from a toxic relationship from me, making him jealous on purpose to him screaming and shouting for everything little thing I did wrong, to us talking, listening, and understanding each other. I am very much happy with this relationship and for the first time in my life I am putting all my effort in this relationship and not chasing anyone else for adrenaline or dopamine as I feel he is that! He satisfies me in every view, and I finally wish to settle with him as I don't feel any need for infidelity or any other side ways. He listened to me. He cares. He understands. He is love of my life. But he is my pain in the ass as well. And I like it. He makes it interesting as well, as I believe he feels the same about me. We have challenges all the time, but we always solve them together. I think if this would be normal couples going through the same shit, they wouldn't be together as they would see red flags in each other everywhere. But he makes me feel alive, he makes me feel to want to take care of him, to be his soul mate, even when I don't like something, I will fake I like it because his smile means everything and one thing I like to do is to satisfy people that means the world to me. Even tho I'm such a disappointment. And he is an addict. And having a partner like that, I will go through everything to prove myself and my worth to that person. I basically will become and addict myself just to be in the same level, just to support them and make sure they dont feel alone. Where does that come from, I dont know (although I was born and raised with alcohol abuse since birth (parents & family parties all the time)- but not drugs). I tried cocaine when I was 25. Think I should be happy with that as if I'd tried it sooner, my story would end up differently. I tried weed, and I always had panic attacks as I didn't have control over my feelings and actions whilst I was high. I tried extasy, same batch as my friends had ( 27years old?) And it literally put my muscles to sleep. But my true extasy was music and it always kept me going to parties. I tried speed but always gave me swolen lymbs, and it was awful. But when I tried cocain, it made me myself, I knew who I was. I was confident. I could focus, and I felt myself. I didn't like drugs out of party premises, but my boyfriend was a lot onto that, so I followed. And followed. And went with it. And went against it. And against . Think he had a problem. But because I loved him so very much (not that any of that had any effort on my kids or anything-it was always only about myself), I always went with it. And I think I have a problem now. After so long, all I want is to have a coke and be myself and relax, talk to people like I normally wouldn't due to my severe anxiety. I'm trapped and surrounded with antidepressants, alcohol and cokaine, but one thing is for sure, I dearly very much want to end my life to relief myself from all depression and anxiety, but I love my kids faaaar too much to leave them behind and just thinking of their disappointment over years when they grow older, thinking why did mom did to me, did she not loved me enough or tought that kids wasn't good amd worthy for me enough, that would of killed me even in the next 10 lives I'd live. Broken and forgotten. He was lied and tortured and tortured. Learning and hurting over knowledge. No one deserves what I've been through. It wasn't SA (maybe it was but I don't remember I don't knoe...it probably was when I was black out drunk, multiple times, but as a child, might of happened as well) but mostly it started with being an unwanted child with adhd and special needs, who craved a lot of attention and love but never got one. Who am I? I truly believe that if I hadn't had my kids, I wouldn't probably be here today.
Btw: all this past with my childhood is chasing me up, I never talked about it with anyone and expressed my feelings about my parents regarding the way they treated me, so everything just cought up with me and it is making my anxiety so much worse than ever in my entire life

Your thoughts desires and intuition to do something is merely a suggestion developed by your subconscious mind. Your subconscious is fear, pleasure type responses. Free from all fear and desire. You become fully conscious on those moments. You can see truth. See everything and creation.
You must get away from all you know and all that knows you. The reflection of that will lead to your understanding. Your cup has been filled with all your life experiences. Many of which where not consciously chosen. Empty your cup in solitude. through mediation. Refill your cup with the nectar of truth, understanding, love, peace, awareness. Now drink and allow your consciousness and spirit to refill your cup with this new higher state and energy composed of all things good. Share this cup with others and continue to sip on all things you have consciously filled your cup with. This cup is endless and eternal. Remain forever grateful and vibrate high as you continue filling your eternal cup.
Light is pure experience, love. Dark, A lesson, a seed that will give you understanding and lead you into the light. Do not feel bad, do not dwell on the pain you have caused. The things you can’t make right. There was a lesson on both sides. If you feel bad and the wrong you have done. Then you have come to this new understanding. It is okay to release that pain. Don’t try to bring it into the light with all your love beauty, and understanding. Leave your pain in the dark. You are forgiven.
The dark also consist of all your desires and deadly sins. When you have wrath and you combat it with patience, may you find peace. When you have greed and you combat it with charity, may you begin to blossom, like a flower you will open up. When you have lust practice chastity. And may you find love. You say sex is just pleasure. But that lust will keep you from love. Keep you from this understanding. When you have sloth, may you combat it with diligence so you may do you may ascend higher. When you have glutton, may you combat that with temperance, moderation, find your balance. When you have pride may you combat that with your humility. Understand and recognize everyone is on their journey. You are no better that anyone and no one is better than you. Though they may have more understanding, that will not lead them to look down upon you. Don’t feel ashamed to express yourself freely. To allow your love to blossom and grow. Those shames and anxieties are demons. Poisons. Those are a part of the dark as well. They will slither into your life, take a hold and constrict you. Not allowing you to move. You will become stagnant. Instead break free from all that.
Understand love, life, and truth will ring freedom into you, onto everyone around you. Let it put a smile on your face that radiates goodness. Everyone shall smile when their pride is dissolved.
I pray the pain in your eyes be set free from this understanding. The things you know echo in eternity. There is no forgetting. There is no ending. It is done, it is there. You can not unsee what is seen. These are the things I wish to leave with you. Take from each lesson, apply it to this existence. Combat evil. For it is all around you in this realm. Creeping.
Practice your meditations before diving into your psychedelic journeys. For that is where they will attack you. That is the bad trip. But if you find an understanding in there amongst all the bad you have been exposed to, then you will be guided into the light by that. Everything is the koi fish chasing the tail of the other koi fish.
I pray you end your addictions to suffering as that is what it becomes. The sadness is there. Don’t allow it to consume you. Be awake and be present in every moment, seeing the beauty. Open your eyes. That is what I wish for you. May you lay down your bible for your understanding is enough now. Practice your breathing. Practice your meditations. Practice your observation. Practice all that combats your deadly sins. Become strong. For you will need it in this journey.
I can not help but go back to this sadness. Everyone has one. Mine is letting down the purest most beautiful creature I have ever been blessed with. I crushed it. I exposed it to all that is bad. I fell for the bad. When she had first seen me I was radiating in the light. Not yet exposed to much of the bad. I had delt with my fair share. But oh how it tricks you into diving into all its depths. I so so apologize for that lesson, I apologize it was me that had to bring it upon both of us. The darkness had consumed us in that time period. Our purity had both been dissolved, me leading the way. I had all the knowledge but the addiction to the pain and suffering was to much. I could not let it go. My greed, my wrath, the lack of diligence, my fears. That had killed me at that time.
Fully immersed in the dark is not a place you want to be. Let it go As you breathe. Understand the lesson, understand her peace through the dance of life. This song of life. Sing along, dance along. Close your eyes. And when you are ready, feel this world around you. This pure experience. It is amazing and will show you so many beauties. I am there now. All love. Everyday you must combat evil. Your awareness will grow. Your strength will grow with These practices and your vision. See the truth and follow your heart. Get away from that which is bad. Get away from all the negativity. I feel y’all are in a toxic place. I am traveling through time now. Traveling to y’all. Get away from that. Your third eye has been closed for way too long. Money does not matter. Is that what you are worried about? If you are worried about shelter, do not worry about that. If you are worried about food. I promise it will be provided. No one has to die. The only death in this world comes from darkness, The disease. May you protect yourself from all that. Keep them away. You will find all of this in solitude. And then you will build community. One with those that also have this understanding.
Listen to these words. I listen to them every day. They echo through my consciousness. Through my eternity. Through all of my awareness. Practice this. Everything will be clear for you to see. Though I have died. I still live. I have risen. Through the death may have not been physical. I still look upon that carcass. Peer not to long into the darkness. Peer not to long into the beauty. For it shall all pass. It will all pass. That is the beauty of the present. This is the beauty of knowledge that I give to you. I feel there is not much more to be said. Remember to release to breathe and to awake. This is the only way I could convey this. Thank you. I remain forever grateful. Thankful for this journey. Thankful for all the lessons that have become a part of me. Still I live and so do you. May you find this peace. May the longing for that one be eased. I love you all so very much. It is funny that, that you do not know. As I laugh freely, I also weep freely. Sometimes it all becomes one. Diving deeper through everything. That is where it becomes one. What beauty.
Now that you have obtained this knowledge. You must make your choice. For the battle of good and evil has begun. They will try to persecute us do not go peacefully. Evil has shown its face for too long. Poisoning us, enslaving us. Make your choice now. Be with your community. Your community of good. Evil has tried to keep this knowledge from us. They are out to destroy us. We must cast them out. This knowledge is your awakening. Do not forget why all of this is happening, do not forget what they have done to us. Stay strong. This is all for the good.after this great suffering, will only be great peace. Evil will reveal its face when good awakens. Look around. Be present. Look around see truth. See things as they are. For this is reality. The birds sing. The evil cries. But soon we shall only be left with the sweet music of harmony. One love one life. Still I bleed and so do you. The sacrifices that we make now. Are the sacrifices that give us eternity. The suffering we endure in the name of good will bring you great peace. Evil will try to pollute your mind. He will tempt you to leap from the cliff. You must choose with your conscious mind to protect your body. Protect those around you. You can make this choice. Your sins shall be forgiven. Do not be tricked to think other wise. The past will be burned. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
We are all forgiven Through our sacrifice. Through our diligence in this world of good. No fear , just observation. Look around. And do what is necessary to promote the good. Our numbers are greater. love will prevail. Light will shine. No need to hide it anymore. If you know, let it be known. I have seen and so will you. Stay in these practices. Stay focused. This beauty is here for us. Our lives shall be extended so that we may immerse ourselves in all its glory. My vision is fine tuned, the blind shall see. Make your choice. Though you may be saddened some near you choose evil. That is there choice. The same way you have chose good. We will remain. Evil will be cast out for all eternity. I will continue to return. Saving as many as I can. Taking all those with me that choose good. I can never die. My energy is forever. Your soul is endless. Your consciousness is endless.
We are breaking free. Remember. Remember. Remember. It is all there. You may start with one thing and the rest will follow. Safe travels. Safe journey. Continue to be vigilant. And practice all that has been taught. All love all life all light.
If you wonder why god has not spoken to you. It’s because you are blind. You are def, you are mute. Gods sacrifice to us is this creation of earth. God is amongst all. In all creation. In all beauty. May it come to you. We shall be the care takers of this new world. Of this new earth. We shall care for god, and god will care for us. God has been with you through all your journeys. Stay in this realm with god.
I am the bringer of light. Leave the dark to the dark. Leave the light to the light. Protect the children and the innocent. The dark is not evil. The dark is necessary. Without dark, there is no light without light there is no dark.
To all the innocent to all the light, the ones not in the final battle. Breathe. Do your meditations, say your prayers. Drink when you are thirsty, eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. May the light angels comfort you, may the dark angels protect you. Do not have fear. It will all end in good. Though demons may kick up dust. Remain calm. Find your inner peace. This is what we need from the innocent. From the pure. When evil leaves. They may take all their desires and all their sins. They will dwell in the darkness until it brings them to the light. Speak not of who this message comes through. It will be revealed when the time is right. Final testimony